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froggyfics · 8 months

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Neon

Your first date with Dick makes you nervous.

THANK YOU TO THIS BRAVE ANON! For the life of me, I cannot figure out how to format your message request into this post, so I replied to you separately. You are my first ever request and can I say, thank you so much for choosing a fluffy topic! Don’t get me wrong, I love me some angst, but I’m a sad bitch, so angst comes super easy to me. This entire blog is about me trying to become a better writer, so thank you for choosing fluff because it really challenged me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

I categorized this as a fem!reader, just because I mentioned “girl” once in this fic. So, I hope that those who prefer gender neutral readers will still enjoy this.

Feedback is always appreciated. Feel free to message me privately or comment below to let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Pairing: Dick Grayson x fem!reader

Theme: Fluff

Word Count: 1,759

His arm was deceivingly muscular. You couldn’t help but squeeze his bicep a few times. You know, in the name of science. Who knew that Dick Grayson was this muscular? The biting winter night forced you two to bundle up. The weather called for sweaters, gloves, hats, jackets, boots, the whole nine yards. Even through the bundles of clothes he was wearing, you could still feel his muscles underneath.

You decide on just one more squeeze. For scientific purposes, of course! One more squeeze and you’ll stop oogling. Both hands were wrapped around his upper arm. You tighten your grip and -

Oop! He flexes his bicep! Your blush as you realize you’ve been caught in the act. Dick laughs heartily when you whine and smush your face into his arm in embarrassment.

“I’m so-I mean- uhm-that was embarrassing,” you stutter.

“It’s fiiiinnnne,” he drawls. “I work out so much so that pretty girls like you can appreciate this.” He nudges the arm that you are latched onto for emphasis.

If you weren’t blushing before, you definitely were now. Dick Grayson thinks you’re pretty? Even if this is your first and last date with him, you were absolutely going to tell everyone around you that the Dick Grayson called you pretty. That was something to brag about.

“Look who’s talking,” you murmur.

He really was the prettiest man you’ve ever seen. You stuttered all throughout the dinner date you two were just at. Initially you thought it was because of nerves. But as the date continued, you realized it was because Dick was just so damn pretty. Piercing blue eyes that never strayed far from your face had you stumbling and fumbling over your words. To a third party viewer, it might’ve sounded like you were a toddler stuck in the body of an adult.

After he paid the bill, which you insisted on paying for, or at least paying for your portion of the meal, but he refused because he’s the embodiment of chivalry, you thought that would be the last you’d see of him. You thought he’d find you too jittery and weird for his liking. But to your utter shock and delight, he offered his arm to you and asked if he could just take a walk with you around the block to extend your date.

It was freezing outside, but walking so close next to him made your insides melt. As the two of you leisurely stroll away from the restaurant, with no destination in mind, the conversation flowed easily. Something about him by your side rather than in front of you made you less nervous, so it was easier to speak. You tell him about how you want to pick up a new hobby. You mention your coworker that got on your nerves earlier that week. You even tell him your favorite weird food combination that you eat when there’s no one around to judge you.

He talks about his early days with his father, Bruce Wayne, and how growing up as the billionaire’s adopted son was no walk in the park. He talks about Alfred, his pseudo-grandfather, with so much pride and joy. He tells you his favorite colors are blue and black, and that he finds himself wearing those colors quite often.

“And then my buddy Wally says to me-,”

He’s in the middle of his story when he abruptly stops. Neon lights flash in his face and he slowly breaks out into a smirk. You remain confused until you turn your head and glance at what you’re in front of.

He slithers his arm out of your grip and then reaches to grab your hand. “C’mon, let’s go inside!”

Your eyes take a moment to adjust to the neon lights around you. Different colors of light flash all around you. Pinging sounds from the plethora of arcade games create a symphony of chaos. People hurriedly rush from one machine to another, trying to get to a game before others do. Laughter and chatter fill the air, alongside the clanking of coins. In your distracted haze, Dick retrieves a bucket full of coins for you two to indulge in from the arcade employee.

“You should’ve let me pay for that. You already paid for dinner,” you pout.

He’s facing you now, unlike when you two were walking side by side. You suddenly get the jitters, like you did when you were at dinner with him. You can still see the blue in his eyes, despite the lighting that tried its best to hide it.

He comes dangerously close to you, almost toe-to-toe. Your head screams at you to look down or up or to the side, just anywhere else except his pretty face. He grabs the small of your back to bring you even closer and bring his mouth to your ear.

“Lemme take care of you.”

His breath on your ear makes you tingle, and you instinctively contract all the muscles in your body to control your reaction. The hand he has on your back slowly makes its way back to your hand and he pulls you closer to the rows of machines.

You both silently stare at the machines in contemplation. There are so many choices to make, the both of you can’t decide on where to start.

You quickly glance at his face and notice his eyebrows are furrowed in concentration. He’s so freaking cute!

You take a deep breath in to psyche yourself up. He has taken the lead all night. It’s time you show just how interested you are in him, too. This time, you lead the way for him. While holding onto his hand, you shimmy your way past hordes of people until you reach your destination.

You let go of him to take off your gloves and reach into the bucket of coins. You deposit the allotted coins into the machine and the game comes to life.

He places the bucket of coins on the ground. “Not tryna brag, but I’m a pretty good dancer. You might be in over your head.”

“We’ll see about that, pretty boy,” you bite back.

Three songs later and you conclude that the both of you suck at dancing. Neither of you score very high in the dancing game, but you do come out victorious, scoring higher than him in two out of the three games.

He raises his hands in defeat. “Alright, alright. You win!” He’s breathless as he says it.

You giggle as you turn your head to examine the other machines in your line of sight. You suddenly gasp at the claw machine filled with Justice League superheroes as stuffed plushie dolls.

You run over to claim the machine with Dick hot on your trail. Your nose touches the machine’s plexiglass as you look over the dolls within it. Superman, Batman, Green Arrow, Wonder Woman, Hawkwoman, and so many more.

“Which one do ya want?” Dick slides coins into the machine, readying himself to retrieve whatever plushie doll you desire.

You think for a moment, seriously looking over the options. “Batman,” you confidently reply.

Dick nods his head and begins to move the claw. He has his eyes set on the Batman doll that is conveniently located right at the top of the pile.

“Batman, eh,” he begins covertly. “Is he your favorite of the Bats or…” He trails off as he concentrates his efforts on placing the claw directly above the doll.

“Hmm, I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought about it.” You look off into the distance as you formulate an answer. Meanwhile, Dick makes a few minor adjustments to ensure that the claw will capture the Batman doll as he waits for your answer. He finally is satisfied with his efforts and presses the button that will drop the claw down on the doll.

“Red Robin seems pretty cool,” you innocuously answer just as Dick releases the button. You could’ve sworn that Dick’s eye twitches and the vein on the side of his neck bulges. You think it’s because he’s so concentrated on winning this plushie doll for you, but Dick knows it’s due to a twinge of jealously. He’ll never admit what you said to anyone, especially not to Tim. It’s prime bullying material for his friends and family.

The two of you watch in silence as the claw hooks onto the Batman doll, carries it over to the side, and drops it down the hatch. You squeal and jump up and down in delight as Dick reaches into the machine to retrieve the doll. He hands you the doll and you grab it.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” In your excitement, you lean over and peck Dick right on the lips as a show of appreciation.

You have no idea where you got the confidence to do that. You don’t even realize what you did until you notice Dick sport the goofiest grin on his face.

You fiercely begin to blush again, for what seems like the millionth time that night. You hope you didn’t just ruin the experience for him. Your anxiety is squashed though as soon as Dick leans in close again. He again grabs the small of your back with just a tad bit more strength this time around. His other hand cups your chin. You both inch your lips towards one another. You lean in a little. Then he does. Then you do. And then he does. Until finally, your lips embrace one another.

The kiss is gentle. Sweet. Loving. One arm holds the Batman doll, and the other grabs the front of his jacket to pull him in closer. He chuckles into your lips as you do. There’s so much going on around, but it’s almost as if you two were the only ones in that arcade. All that you could sense was him.

To your chagrin, you end up breaking the kiss. You had to come up for breath eventually. You can feel your lips plump up due to the extra blood flow. Despite the kiss being broken, the two of you remain close to each other. Your bodies melded into one.

His sparkling blue eyes bore into yours. This time, you don’t feel nervous. You belong in this moment. You belong in this moment with him. This feels right.

You stare right back at him and innocently ask, “So, who’s your favorite Bat?”

His eyes crinkle as he smiles. There’s mischief behind his eyes. Perhaps you’ll indulge in that on another date.

“Baby, have you heard of Nightwing?”

#dc comics #dick grayson #nightwing #dick grayson x y/n #dick grayson x female!reader #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson x you #dick grayson fluff #dick grayson imagine #nightwing x y/n #nightwing x reader #nightwing x you #nightwing x female!reader #nightwing x fem!reader #dick Grayson x fem!reader

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kingconia · 8 months

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LEONA KINGSCHOLAR, CATER DIAMOND, ROOK HUNT AND SILVER WITH READER, WHO IS AN AMAZING HYPNOTIST

Leona Kingscholar. 💛

— I don't think he is a sceptical type, or that he doesn't believe in your abilities, but I do think that he is sure that he has a natural resistance towards all these things;

— Yet, you will need a plenty time to make him agree on trying it out together. Yes, he is sure that this bullshit doesn't work in him, yes, he is still paranoid a little;

— There is nothing he hates more than a possibility to be seen as weak, especially, if it you he talks about. But he can't really go against your wishes... He loves you too much.

•

”Well, well, Leona,” you murmur, gently stroking his smooth cheek. ”What a lovely sight.”

There is definitely something utterly special in a way Leona looks, when he is hypnotized. Unmoving, pupils wide open as he lazily blinks. Absolutely calm, too. A total cat.

”Say, Leona...”

You don't want to bother him too much, actually. Mostly because you agreed on being easy on him, but als due to trusting him enough. But there is still something that bothers you from time to time...

”Do I make you happy?”

The answer is immediate.

”I only need to become the king to be happy...” Your heart almost sinks down, when he continues: ”...Or so I used to think. Then, I met you. And I had never been happier."

His confession is too short, and his voice is very monotonous, almost lifeless. Yet, you smile as wide as you can, glancing at him warmly.

That is all you wanted to know.

Cater Diamond. ❤️

— Oh, Cater is your hyping man! Like, had you seen yourself? He is your biggest fan! And he likes watching you hypnotising other students—it is impressive. He brags about you all the time to others!

— ...But he stubbornly tries to refuse on becoming your client. And at first you didn't mind, but... This particular categorical answer of his is suspicious. So, you decide to push him a little more;

— In the end, Cater gives up. But he asks you not to film him or call anyone else. You wonder why he even thought you will.

•

”So, Cay-Cay,” you start, circling around Cater, hands on your hips, ”what is it that you afraid of telling me?”

You understand that it is not a fair thing to do. But Cater's attitude is, indeed, a strange one. You can't help but be slightly bothered by it.

”...I simply cannot live with understanding that you can realise what a messed up place my head is. I am pretending happy all the time, hoping that it will keep you with me, but it is so tiring. And it hurts sometimes.”

As realisation of his words slowly washes over you, you can't help but frown slightly.

Oh, Cater... Why would he do that?

”My dear,” you murmur, hugging him from the behind. ”I order you to forget everything that happened under hypnosis, when you wake up.”

You curse yourself for noticing earlier how desperately he needed some help, some support. But now, at least, you know what to do next.

Rook Hunt. 💜

— Oh, Rook is obsessing over your talent. ’Mon cher hypnotiseur, you are so amazing! It is magnificent!’ Rook is basically radiating with excitement when he sees you in the work process;

— And, of course, he asks to put him in hypnosis instantly. He is surprised, when you decline, saying that you are afraid to say something wrong to him, or to overstep your boundaries;

— He spends another week proving you that he needs to be put in hypnosis. Rook practically begs you for it. And you are too tired to disagree...

•

”Funny how it is the first time I see you so calm,” you huff, gently smoothing his hair down. ”Very well, Rook...”

Truth to be told, despite his a certain secrets Rook hols, he is very genuine with people and his intentions towards them. So, you don't see a need to ask if he really meant what he said to. Instead, you decide to go with question about something from his past...

”I saw your photos from the first year. When you were at Savanaclaw, you know? And you had this amazing long hair... So, I wonder, what happened to them? Why did you change your hairstyle? And what made you choose this one?”

”My hairstyle was changed by the will of Vil, of course,” you almost flinch from how unusual it is; to her Rook speaking so voidly. ”As I became the Pomefiore student, he insisted on making my hair. He assured me that he had an experience—and, of course, I trusted him. Yet, the original idea of the hair he kept in mind for me, had nothing to do with this hairstyle. Vil admitted that he was lying. It was his first time cutting someone's hair. He was very embarrassed, but I accepted his gift avec plaisir.”

As he finishes, your laughter fills the room. Oh, now you are doing to annoy Vil by mentioning this story so much.

Silver Vanrouge. 💚

— This boy had seen too much things in the Valley of Thorns to be surprised by your talent, but, he still thinks it is impressive that you can do things like that;

— Easily agrees on your propose to put him in hypnosis as well. He is quite chill about it, and even mentions that you has his permission on everything;

— But you still take additional permission from Lilia to do that...

•

”Damn, you are so cute,” you pinch his cheeks affectionately, smooching him on the forehead. Not like you can't do it, when he is in normal state, but... ”Hm... How you started calling Lilia ’father’?

Silver looks so drowsy, even while being hypnotized, that you can't help but hug him, allowing to rest against you peacefully.

”I don't have memories of that exact moment. I was a child. But according to father and Malleus, my first word was ”father”. As I said that, I was tugging Lilia's ponytail. Malleus says father bursted in tears, when he heard me calling him like that for the first time, but father doesn't comment it.”

Oh.

Your lips curl in a gentle smile. How charming.

”That's so sweet...” You ponder a little, before ordering him something else. ”Kiss me on the cheek. And after that, you will wake up.”

As you feel his lips softly touching your skin, you hum approvingly.

What a wonderful idea of the date...

#twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #cater diamond #cater diamond x reader #rook hunt x reader #rook hunt #silver twisted wonderland #silver x reader

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beansprean · 10 months

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Nandor and Alexithymia

Ok so this is an attempt to organize a mess of thoughts I’ve been mulling over recently; appreciate anybody who reads the whole thing lol. My “he’s just like me fr” nandor dissertation.

So first things first - alexithymia is a symptom/trait that tends to appear for a lot of neurodivergent people, including myself, as well as those affected by emotional neglect/abuse or other related traumas. It involves "difficulties in identifying, describing, and processing one’s own feelings, often marked by a lack of understanding of the feelings of others, and difficulty distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal" (livingautism.com). For me, though I’m decently good at recognizing others’ emotional states when I’m paying attention, I have a lot of trouble categorizing my own. I have to rely on physical cues (am I smiling? Laughing? Crying? Is my heart beating fast?), mimicking others (if this happened to someone else, how would I expect them to feel? How do other people feel about this so I know what I’m feeling?), or past experience (this thing made me feel like this, so I must be feeling this now). The physical cues are less helpful than they sound, as the definition implies, because maybe my heart is pounding because I’m anxious, or excited, or I hate you, or I like you, or I’m afraid, or I just ran up some stairs. Maybe I’m crying because I’m sad. Or frustrated. Or angry. Or hungry? I literally cannot tell what my emotions are telling me most of the time, which makes communication and relationships extremely difficult to navigate. I don’t know if I enjoy talking to you. I don’t know if I enjoy this activity. I don’t know if I have a crush on you. Everything just feels like anxiety or apathy unless it’s already at 100%. One of the specific anxieties that I deal with in social situations as a result of this is not a fear that people won’t like me, but that I won’t like them. A new person approaches! They want to hang out/date! But oh no, I have no idea how I’m feeling about this person at this point. What if I don’t end up having fun? What if I dislike them and I don’t know why? What if they upset me and I don’t know why? How will I navigate breaking up with them? I’m consumed by the future possibility of being unable to interpret my emotional state and being unable to communicate or verbalize well enough to get out of the situation without acting like a jerk and hurting their feelings or ghosting them completely.

But this post isn’t just me ranting about my brokebrain, I wanna talk about NANDOR’S brokebrain. Some of you may be ahead of me.

Obviously we are all aware that Nandor is completely UNAWARE of his feelings a lot of the time; this is not news, I’m just pathologizing it lol. And not only does he have trouble expressing, identifying, and verbalizing his emotions or recognizing them in others, but...he's dead. He can't rely on physical reactions to help him out - his heart doesn't beat, his skin doesn't flush, he doesn't need to breathe, it's unclear if he can even shed tears! The past 700 years must have felt like endless apathy so much of the time - no wonder he gets depressed.

But it definitely makes sense to me that Nandor is affected by fairly severe alexithymia, and he would have trouble choosing between his wives or recalling the feelings he had for them or which one he really loved and what that felt like beyond just how unobtrusive their presence would be for his day to day routine. And at the same time it is clear to us that he wants nothing more than to hang with Guillermo and spend time with Guillermo and ensure he gives reasons for Guillermo to stick around - but he doesn't really recognize that himself. He becomes increasingly anxious and paranoid as his wedding to Marwa approaches, doesn't understand why he is so fixated on everything that could ruin it or stop it from happening, and projects those thoughts on everyone else around him. He assumes that everyone is conspiring to stop the wedding because he unknowingly wants people to give him reasons to back out. Guillermo confronts him with this, and Nandor can only verbalize that this is a big moment that is making him afraid. (Not to mention that he clearly was waiting for an objection from Guillermo which Guillermo consistently refused to give despite seemingly agreeing with Nadja's. And the whole expecting Guillermo to be jealous and confused/disappointed when he wasn't?? Honey.)

Yet, we also know from the "I like what he likes" wish that Nandor DOES want this wedding to happen. He wants to be married, he wants steady companionship, he wants to tie himself to someone and say "look, look, someone loves me! I am never alone!" Yet immediately after the wedding he balks at turning her and making the marriage "eternal". He is already bored of what he has turned her into and confused why he isn't enjoying the company of someone who will stay by his side and never argue or disagree with him or expect an emotional intimacy from him he can't give. Isn't that what he wanted? Why didn't this fix him? Why is everything still so dull?

(slight tangent on the "I like what he likes" wish honestly what a fuckin DREAM I wish I had a second person who could project my emotions/preferences for me so I could recognize them... I wish they had played around with that for a few more episodes, the comedic potential alone has sustained me for so long...)

He sees Guillermo and Freddie, feels Something, but doesn’t understand what. Discomfort? Longing? Anxiety? Lots of options we as an audience can assume or interpret, but I think we can all agree it's more complicated than just Nandor falling in love at first sight as he assumes. Nandor DOES experience passing infatuations fairly frequently - an intense blaze of emotion he interprets as love and obsesses over, pushing quickly for commitment because he believes that tying himself to someone will solidify those feelings forever. He has to act quick before they fade!

So back to Freddie, Nandor is: 1. Confused by Freddie's presence and unusually pushy about following them around and getting details about their relationship, 2. Genuinely charmed by Freddie's loser white boy swag and interest in artefacts from his home country, 3. Kept up all night by thoughts about Freddie, and 4. Able to recognize that outright stealing him would be a bad move because it would probably make Guillermo upset. Round of applause for #4, good job Nandy.

But, like with the wedding, is he just projecting? Assuming? He knows he feels something strong - an intense blaze of emotion and obsession he associates with his past relationships - and he comes to the conclusion that being with Freddie is what will finally make him happy. Might he actually be feeling misplaced jealousy because he's in love with Guillermo? Or because he sees Guillermo happy in a relationship for the first time and wants that feeling for himself? Or subconsciously sees this as another way to tie Guillermo to him and ensure he can't have a life outside of Nandor? All of these are valid. Nandor certainly doesn't know.

The last point I want to make in this messy ramble of a post is this: what if, in addition to worrying that turning Guillermo into a vampire will set him free from any bonds or obligations to Nandor and he will leave, Nandor is worried HE won't like Guillermo anymore if he is a vampire? And then what?? People change when they...change. He did.

#wwdits #nandermo #nandor the relentless #wwdits speculation #wwdits meta #alexithymia #not art

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multifandomslxt · 11 months

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Okay categorize seventeen (or Nct upto you) into one of these three:

1. The praisers

2. The beggers

3. The pleasers

The praisers are the moderate-hard dom boys that tell you you’re so good and tight and wet for them. They tell you you’ve got the best pussy and they grunt with exertion. They hold your legs open when you become sensitive and leave marks from their grip on your hips as they complain about how many men wished you were theirs at the gathering

The beggers are the soft needy boys that call you mommy. They beg for you to sit on them so they can die between your thighs, because it’s such an honour. They whimper and moan when you call them yours and they ask permission before they touch you.

The pleasers are the soft doms, the boys that have a lover who’s too shy to ask for what they want. They know what they want but they leave kisses up your thighs and refuse to remove your underwear when they ask you if you’d give them permission to enter heavens gate. They suck soft marks into your neck until you move their hand where you want them. they groan in your ear and say that you’re perfect when they feel how damp you are.

SEVENTEEN

Praisers:

Choi MF Sungcheol (S.COUPS)

please, this man runs shit in and outside of the bedroom. His aura is actually too much to even challenge but somehow he's nice about it.

His version of making love is just fucking you raw and rough <3

you're his baby tho.

Jeon Wonwoo

Here's the thing I feel like Wonwoo wants you to believe that he's a softy.

Let your guard down so he can go ahead and fuck your brains out.

Thank you.

Woozi

Inexperiencedly experienced. Once he gets the hang of it don't even bother.

Can and will fuck you and make you squirt all over his studio equipment.

Uses your moan in a backing track

Yoon Jeonghan

Girl stop playing.

LMAO.

I don't even gotta say much because just like Sungcheol yk this man will roughly rearrange your guts and fuck you silly.

He's mischievous so be very careful with your words and actions

They can cause you amazing orgasms or hours of torture by edging.

Beggers

Kwon Soonyoung (HOSHI)

Oh gosh. He wants you so fucking bad it hurts. Begs you and I mean BEGS you to sit on his face.

Lives for your approval and praise.

Call him a good boy

Tell him how good he's doing and watch him cum all over your fucking face.

Lee Seokmin (DK)

Do not play in this man's face. He hates being teased. Just wants you to use him and leave him a fucking mess.

Likes to kneel in front of you because you are his Goddess.

Jerks off and doesn't cum until you tell him.

He just wants to make Mommy happy.

Wen Junhui (JUN)

When I tell you this man is a slut for you?

FUCKING BELIEVE ME.

He does anything you tell him to.

Literally kisses the ground you walk on.

Obsessed with your tits

like, don't even.

HE WHIMPERS YALL

AND HE'S LOUD ASF TOO

Pleasers

Chwe Hansol (VERNON)

First off he doesn't really care who tops but he always ends up doing it.

This dude cannot take hints so he actually needs you to tell him where you want him.

HE IS FUCKING STUBBORN.

Won't touch you until you're begging.

Really just sweet-loving sex.

It's just the positions that fuck you up.

The roughest thing he does is just grab the back of your neck while you're in lap top position.

Kim Mingyu

The sweetest Puppy that belongs with pleasers AND praisers.

He enjoys your shyness.

Finds it adorable really.

Takes his time with you.

Gives it to you slow and deep.

Tells you that you feel good around him and gives you the lightest sugar-filled kiss on your jaw

until the next thing you know, he starts to repeatedly hit your G-spot.

Roughly

almost like a rabid dog

He doesn't give af that you're crying because you know your safe word.

You already came twice that's not his problem.

He wants to see your pretty thighs shake and your pretty skin bruised up.

Slows down and gives you another sugar-filled kiss on your lips

and tells you that you don't have to be so shy next time.

Xu Minghao (THE8)

Immediately knows what you want ALL THE TIME.

teases you about it.

MINGHAO PANTY SNIFFER AGENDA

He loves the scent of your pussy.

Likes the way you jump when he kisses your inner thigh.

Uses his palm to press against your pussy

never rubbing it or anything.

Literally just presses against it.

Then slaps it.

Fucks you like he means it.

AND HE DOES!!

This man's waist should be put behind bars.

He takes his time so that he touches every part of the inside of your pussy.

Wants you to feel EVERYTHING.

Even the veins on his dick.

Hong Jisoo (JOSHUA)

Do I even gotta explain why he's right here?

(IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO THOUGH LEMME KNOW)

Lee Chan (DINO)

Girl please.

He just wants some pussy.

Give this man some pussy please lmaooo.

Honestly, your shyness does nothing but turn him on. so prepare for that.

We've all seen this man dance.

Them hips do not mf lie bitch.

Licks you through your underwear.

I'm sorry but its true (enjoy that brain rot)

Boo Seungkwan

Mr. Boo is a softie.

Through and through

so when you're too shy to ask he takes it up on himself to fix that.

Long story short

He fucking you right there.

His foreplay game is strong.

You hear them vocals chile?

That tongue game goes crazy.

He isn't into the roughness of sex.

He's more of a slow and steady type of guy...really just wants you to feel good.

Like a calm type of good.

But that doesn't change the fact that he fucking you right there baby.

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transtalesofdoom · 2 months

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Rant about the ICD-10 and nonbinary trans identities

This one's actually just build-up to another one, but it makes me very mad, so.

What's an ICD? ICD is short for "International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems", which is an absolute mouthful. It's basically a catalog of diseases that gets maintained by the WHO and occasionally updated into new versions. The most recent one is the ICD-11 that was published in 2022. It is five times the size of the ICD-10, which was published in 1994. Quite a bit happened in those 28 years, you know?

For this post, the relevant sections are obviously the one regarding trans health. So let's look at them:

The ICD-10 defines "Transsexualism" as

"A desire to live and be accepted as a member of the opposite sex, usually accompanied by a sense of discomfort with, or inappropriateness of, one's anatomic sex, and a wish to have surgery and hormonal treatment to make one's body as congruent as possible with one's preferred sex."

It's categorized under "Mental and personality disorders". Such fun!

The ICD-11 now calls it "Gender incongruence" and defines it as such:

"Gender incongruence is characterised by a marked and persistent incongruence between an individual’s experienced gender and the assigned sex. Gender variant behaviour and preferences alone are not a basis for assigning the diagnoses in this group."

I don't know why it's british, and I don't care. There's a further distinction between prepubescent patients and those who have entered puberty and above. It's a bit longer and I promise it's the last stupid medical paragraph in this.

"Gender Incongruence of Adolescence and Adulthood is characterised by a marked and persistent incongruence between an individual’s experienced gender and the assigned sex, which often leads to a desire to ‘transition’, in order to live and be accepted as a person of the experienced gender, through hormonal treatment, surgery or other health care services to make the individual’s body align, as much as desired and to the extent possible, with the experienced gender. The diagnosis cannot be assigned prior the onset of puberty. Gender variant behaviour and preferences alone are not a basis for assigning the diagnosis."

Thats a lotta words. TLDR: "Person does not identify with assigned sex, likely wishes to transition to the experienced gender." Also important to note: Instead of a Mental Disorder, it's now categorized as a "Condition related to sexual health". Great!

Why is it not great? Because the ICD-11 is not currently in active use. The WHO expects a transitional period of 5 years or longer for countries to implement this. The US, for example, is aiming for an implementation in 2025, but it could extend to 2027 depending on required modifications. Non-english countries, like mine, also require time to translate the thing. Until implementation is complete, a majority of doctors are still trained to use the ICD-10. Health insurance companies also are not required to adopt definitions from the ICD-11 during the transitional period.

By the way, did you spot it? It's a small, but important difference: "the opposite sex" (ICD-10) vs "the experienced gender" (ICD-11). That's right, the current system only acknowledges binary trans people! Good for them, awful for me!

Now, of course there will be doctors who know better and acknowledge nonbinary identities, but under this current catalog, they do not have to. Neither does your health insurance. So if I, who is decidedly not of the binary variety, want health care and I want my insurance to cover it (just to stress again: I am not in the US), my best bet is to lie.

If I want trans healthcare, instead of getting a kind that is best suited for me and my identity, I should tell my health care providers a fabricated story about how very binary my transness is.

You realize what that is, right? It's another gender identity being assigned to me that doesn't match my own. Isn't that ironic?

But hey, only three more years until we get it implemented. Maybe.

#rant #trans rant #long post #trans #genderqueer #lgbtq #transgender #nonbinary #nb #enby #trans healthcare #shits fucked #also carhammerexplosionmatt #boring medical jargon #queer #trans rights #i just want someone to take my tiddies #crimes against the gender convention

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amagnificentobsession · 4 months

Text

Seems like a war has been waged.

Someone threw their halo.

I’m seeing more and more venomous posts about the shipping of Michael and David. Aziraphale and Crowley have left the building for now it appears in this argument.

What is written here is MY opinion, no one else’s.

Choose to read it or not, it’s fine. But be respectful.

Not just of me, but of anyone.

The recent explosion of interactions between Michael and David completely and utterly enthralled us.

After the Twitter(X) debacle and the absolute HATE that Michael received for “not choosing a side”, his then attempt at explaining his thoughts (that he didn’t owe to anyone) for wanting it all to end, and civilian casualties to stop. Nope, not good enough Michael, you HAVE to pick a side. He was done. He didn’t want to do it anymore.

He’s working, has a family, came to (X) for a bit of fun and silliness. That was now gone. So he left. Probably in sheer and utter disgust. How can anyone blame him?

Now we have David Tennant, blooming like the most beautiful orchid, petals wide, labellum in its full GLORIOUS expansion, the likes of which we’ve never seen before.

Good Omens, Staged, Litvinenko, Dr. Who, Macbeth, being a DILF (3 goes into 6 twice Michael 🤭) it just continues.

From his choice in clothing, the dignity and eminence with which he carries himself. This comes from a deep self-assurance and self-worth.

Seeing the reviews for Macbeth, his stance onstage, the PURE divination on his face as he looked out and saw Michael. The LOVE in that moment would steal the last remnants of air from an exploding supernova.

No one can tell me there isn’t a pure, abiding LOVE between them. PURE. In whatever way THEY choose to categorize it.

Michael Sheen, we can all agree, holds NOTHING back. If he felt in anyway infringed upon with these ideas, can you imagine him saying nothing? Can you imagine him allowing his BEST FRIEND, someone he deeply LOVES, to be accosted with lies and misinformation?

I certainly cannot.

Michael Sheen has always been a powerhouse. Barreling through on whatever chosen path he decided.

David Tennant has been a softly caressing wave on the beach. Doing as he desired, quietly, without much fanfare. Happy to be low profile.

That has all changed with the adjoining of these two humans.

As others have stated many, many times, “the biggest shippers of these two, are Michael and David.”

Does this keep them in the public eye?

Absolutely.

Does this keep them trending and on topic?

Absolutely.

Do I think they would continue to be this same way with each other if the world looked the other way and didn’t care?

ABSOLUTELY.

#good omens #michael sheen #david tennant #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #my thoughts #god i love these two #Michael we know you are here somewhere and we love you

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mirra-kan · 3 months

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Hi Mirra!

Have you written any headcanon, metas, discussions, or fics about your concept of the "Faithful Haradrim"? If so, could you please tell me where to find them? If you haven't yet, would you mind sharing some info of your headcanons (anything at all) about their history and culture?

I'm a big fan of your Harad artwork and concepts (including the Blue Wizards), and it's all clearly founded on a rich, complex world you've created for them in your head. I would definitely love to learn more! :) I do also plan on including more about the Haradrim culture and history in my upcoming fanfics, so I would love to hear an expert's ideas on them.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

@sotwk Was very happy to discover your message in my ask box!

Thank you for your interest and willingness to include more Haradrim content into your writing, but I'm afraid you might find my views rather... boring 😆

I also must apologise in advance if any of my phrases may not seem polite enough or turn out to be grammatically incorrect - English is not my first language.

Disclaimer! What is written below represents my personal view! It is in no way intended to hurt or discredit anyone’s head canons, views and ideas!

My Chinese calligraphy teacher once told me: "Do you want to assume or to learn? Decide on the approach before you make theories about anything."

And I follow the strategy of "to learn" before I "assume". So, first and foremost, I'm still in search of bits of information about the peoples who inhabited Harad and Rhun (South and East) of Middle-earth.

My goal is not so much to create head cannons as to draw the audience's attention to the canon and the Professor's own vision. Accordingly, in working through his letters, essays, and volumes of the History of Middle-earth, I am trying to draw parallels that someone as educated as Professor Tolkien might have drawn.

I also categorically disagree with the images created in the movies, where the conventional evil is more caricatured than frightening, and the motives and history of the conflict are not shown at all (Faramir’s saying about Haradrim’s fate is at least included, which is great, even if it wasn’t his in books). When my best friend dragged me into the Silmarillion story couple of years ago, I was amazed at how distorted the perception of these regions was in adaptations.

So, thinking about the existence and struggles of Faithful Haradrim, I rely on the history of the region and possible historical patterns. Such a vast region simply cannot have a common culture. It is the idea that can unite them. But, as in our reality, cultural features, symbolism and colours may differ. For example, we know that those who came with Sauron's army, performed under red flags with snakes. Does that mean that the entire vast region walked exclusively in the same colours? It seems unlikely to me.

As for the Blue Wizards, blue in general is a colour very 'inherent' to many cultures in the Global South. I suppose that's why the Professor dressed Alatar and Pallando in those colours. And accordingly, in my opinion, Faithful Haradrim could use these colours in their robes and on their banners, but not necessarily. It is not the colour that reflects the inner essence of a person.

Of course, when thinking about this or that image, I think about where exactly these people live, what the level of metallurgy development is present in different Ages, whether there is a sea or mountains nearby - all this affects how their armour\architecture\symbolism could have developed. In general, I draw parallels with real anthropology and the history of the development of civilisations. Books about the regional patterns, military and weapon history etc are of big help here too.

Sometimes, of course, I make things up. For example, when I first read the lines about the Blue Wizards not returning to Valinor, I didn't take it in a negative light. After all, they could have stayed in Middle-earth willingly, having become attached and imbued with the problems of the region, of the people. After all, Alatar and Curumo were the only ones who were not afraid to volunteer to fight Sauron.

I also like the later version, in which the Blue Wizards arrive in the Second Age. It makes more "sense" given the nightmare that the Númenorians had wrought in the region. But even among them, I'm sure there were some people who sympathised and helped the local population. I don't believe in black and white in principle. But I do believe in post-truth.

So, in essence, I'm a boring canonist who treats the author's writings and views with great respect. And the myth of the Haradrim and Easterlings being bad guys by all accounts is almost as well-established as the supposed lack of religion, holy Dunedain and cute glowing elves. Which is, in my opinion, in no way consistent with Tolkien's own philosophy and stance.

Perhaps what I came up with from scratch was a sign, a Faithful Haradrim symbol, that those could use to identify each other. People need symbols, faith and ideas. Especially in such trying times. That's the way we are.

Oh, I'm afraid if I go on, it'll be a whole essay. So I think I'll stop here. Thanks again for your question and your interest! I'm sorry if I disappointed you, haha. Good luck with your writing - I'm so happy there're people out there, who're genuinely interested in the region! ❤

P.S. If everything goes well, I plan to release a zine about Harad at the end of the year. With quotes and the obligatory notes of personal theories not to confuse the reader.

#tolkien #lord of the rings #lotr #silmarillion #middle earth #haradrim #artmirka #harad #easterlings #rhun

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lanciilatte · 2 years

Text

Cabby’s Gaps in Understanding

These scenes.

Are the parallels of all time. I think it was absolutely intentional that their ‘niche intelligences’ were explained in this exact order on these separate, very important occasions. Cabby thinks Test Tube and Fan are defined by these intelligences, and acknowledges that it was reductive to discredit Test Tube later on.

They’re stronger together and made a rash decision out of how much they care for each other. This results in TBD being made, and TBD’s existence is the one thing that stumps Cabby. Cabby cannot understand using all the potential behind combined strength to make an emotional decision. She doesn’t realize Fan and Test Tube doing this is a possibility, nor does she understand Test Tube throwing away that potential due to emotions brought out by the situation.

There’s an emotional reaction on her part to this too. She wants to experience this bond and combined strength very badly. She wants to believe she can experience it, even though it probably would not come naturally. Of course it wouldn’t, as though she regards it as ‘something warmer’, she also mentions how it’s ‘more subjective’. Considering how much of her image and sense of self is lauded as objective and factual, this is a big deal.

She’s so fascinating in that way, that what she clearly wants more than anything is the one thing that trips her up. She can categorize people all she wants into whatever boxes she can think of. But she can’t understand anyone not chasing the thing she desperately wants. Especially if they threw the potential away for a reason like Test Tube’s: because of emotions stirred up by the immediate circumstances. That’s an uncomfortable prospect for her, that unpredictability you have to trust as a part of yourself, since it’s what you really feel. That might be one of the most uncomfortable things for her full stop. She can’t understand stifling the potential to achieve something she desperately wants for that reason. But then we run into another problem, she doesn’t know how to openly discuss achieving that connection. It’s something she can’t even talk about comfortably without relying on someone else’s expression of feelings to draw from. Even when outlining a strategy with objective information, which is the definition of her comfort zone.

Now it’s caused a problem in her research, in her game plan. It’s gotten her eliminated and it’s gotten her nowhere with the biggest mystery/challenge to her database we’ve seen her tackle. But research has nothing to do with her goals, other than to be insurance that things never get too far off course. Though it is very telling that one of the clearest signs of her sense of lack is how it interferes with her research. How it interferes with her database, because the easiest way for her to realize a sense of lack in herself is through an extension of herself, right? Her files are that extension of herself.

This idea of her knowledge being all that she sees or presents herself as is not concrete yet. But consider everything else and her elaboration being “I am a piece, Test Tube is a piece, and our combined strength is—was… a piece.” There’s all this strategy and ‘sake of the game’ talk, but she’s really trying to reflect on the feelings brought out in both herself, Test Tube, and everyone else. She has to ‘evenly divide’ the moving parts of the situation in order to justify how she feels about it. She has to evenly divide people to understand them, she approaches the social aspect of the game in the way she knows how. She frames it like it only makes sense to do so, but deep down she puts so much of herself into her writing because she wants to understand others. “To understand them” is the reason she gives for making files on people. She could’ve elaborated if she wanted to… But she preferred to leave the reason unstated and move on. Before we can delve into that idea, we need to detail Cabby’s own understanding of herself first.

She more-so sees people as what they do, and their actions rather than who they are. Whether she views herself that way and then applied it to others or the other way around I don’t know. But she definitely makes a habit out of keeping track of peoples’ habits. She doesn’t just do it to pass time, she’s fascinated by it. She’s fascinated for the wrong reasons though, as a true logician fuelled by information would not be so comfortable with predictability. She’s not only comfortable with it, but depends on it to understand the whole set of said knowledge. This is all very similar to Fan, however she is far less inclined to include others’ emotion in her fascination or perception. In Cabby’s database, Clover can be a ‘sweet girl’ but she cannot be a ‘source of sweetness’ or ‘someone who makes me feel me sweetness.’ There’s no spontaneous action involved, only a type of person.

All this is to say: I think Cabby can understand certain emotions driving your actions, but those actions all have to be rational and controlled. She doesn’t understand emotions being a large part of the decision or action itself. This is what consistently trips her up. She can account for the base emotional state of people, but not what they’ll do when emotions that suddenly arise in them or change unpredictably are involved. What someone will do ‘under pressure.’ Not following the same patterns over and over. She can understand the patterns she sees, she can’t understand that everyone is a unique example of the ‘type of person’ she sees them as. I’d say this is where Cabby and Fan’s insular perspectives line up and then diverge again. Cabby plays with accurate information she’s perceived and that’s the fun part. Fan has fun with perceiving information without that close consideration to accuracy, since trivia is more of a decoration to him. For Cabby, she is a decoration to the trivia. She needs to perceive things objectively and accurately for her own pride, and she needs to preserve this information in order to put it to use. Because of course her understanding needs to be useful, to be helpful, otherwise she’d be doing it for the sake of knowledge. What she extra doesn’t understand is that if she’s doing this for own reasons, for pride or for a clear end result being a comfort, she’s already been making rash decisions fuelled by emotion. She’s making ill-advised decisions and *mistakes* by disregarding her own fallibility. There’s no way she can always keep up this image when that image has an emotional strain and her goals don’t take into account how to mend emotional struggles. The thing is, her emotional struggles or even her mistakes aren’t something she looks away from. She just doesn’t know what she’s looking at, or what she brings to the table that she would rather get from other people’s input. She doesn’t know it, nor can she begin to express it yet, but she has her own warmth inside her objectivity, she doesn’t need to gain that ability from someone else. She could win people over if she showed up as the ‘girl who puts herself into her database to calm herself and help others’ and not the ‘girl who cares more about her files than anyone, including herself, so imagine how she feels about *you*.’

The number one decision she needed to be making, is the kind of decision she can’t fathom someone else making. Acting upon a spontaneous desire to help someone, no matter if you have the perfect plan or even a plan that makes sense. Or, in the competition sense, helping people through their problem instead of keeping track of their problem just running its course. Looking out for the team in an honest and upfront way, instead of waiting for that perfect ally to come along and spark a change. This is especially unrealistic since a ‘perfect ally’ for her would have to be one that’s earned her respect and given her new insight. Cabby makes that very difficult to accomplish, in fact, she makes it harder every single time she seeks out information on her own.

But she could do so much good if she just realized that. She’s already done a lot of good without directly intending it. Cabby’s research is what gets Clover to question how she lives her life. She kickstarts Clover’s entire arc. Cabby’s research is also what helps TBD start looking for answers, and one of the things that let her know Test Tube was hiding something regarding those answers.

She overall needs to become more comfortable with spontaneity related to both emotions and information. If she were comfortable with that, then her needing ‘constant input from other people to feel alive’ wouldn’t result in her looking at people reductively. If she stopped looking at people reductively, she could see them more as ongoing projects, not instalments in the history of her perception. Then, finally, she could see that she herself is one of those ongoing projects that can be fulfilled by warmth and efforts to change for good. Not just reliability when things go wrong, but taking initiative in making things right.

Since she still just ‘wants to win people over’, she’s still figuring out what all the moving pieces are. The ‘why’ and ‘what’ she did wrong. But she wouldn’t have gotten to this point so easily if she didn’t care about how others felt. She cares that her mistakes hurt people, that’s why she’s reevaluating her thought process immediately after being shown that was the case. She wants to make things right, but she has to step out of her comfort zone to do it, and understand that ‘right’ changes in an instant from situation to situation, person to person. But she’s been shown her impact, and she readily accepts it once she stops clarifying her intent. That’s a great start. It’s the same start that Test Tube made once. I’m confident it’s the start of something better, considering the way she found out she was wrong is that she’s upset people outside of ‘the sake of the game’, that says a lot! It definitely couldn’t have been because her pride was damaged, since she was kind of really frantic and openly kinda pathetic while grasping at more answers during her last moments on the show. If only she knew the gap in her understanding that’s damaged her pride beyond caring for it is directly linked to the one damaging her growth. I would love to see these ideas linked again if Cabby and TBD are truly acquainted one day! Acquainted, or able to meet as friends who learn from each other, not as a mystery or problem to solve. That would be the perfect resolution to Test Tube realizing she made Cabby’s mistake before she could learn who TBD really was.

#inanimate insanity #ii cabby #you might notice that test tube and their alliance are exceptions to a lot of this… which is so sad #if they could talk or challenge each other more it wouldve been really great !!#but WOOOO CABBYPOST I HAVE NOT STOPPED THINKING ABOUT THE III2 AND III8 PARALLEL SINCE WATCHING III8 SO ITS. BEEN A BIT.#hope the cabbynetters enjoy and pls tell me what does or doesnt align with your interpretation =D!!#i have. tons more to say about test tubes mistakes and the tbd thing in general …#but the cabby relevant things are all here I think!#I ALSO BARELY TOUCHED ON TRUST. I WILL NEED MORE CABBYPOSTS TO GET INTO ALL THIS BUT BUT #if it involves test tube which it would.. I will need more test tube focused talking points #this one is mostly cabgirl enrichment #LANCING #also #long post

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themetalvirus · 1 year

Text

hi, i can tell some of my followers are from twitter, so here's some tips:

LIKING a post increments the note counter and lets the original poster know you saw the post.

liking art is appreciated, but does not get more people to see it. liking vent posts is also a way of nonverbally patting someone on the back / nodding along sympathetically. likes basically just give the original poster the info that you saw their post and felt the need to interact with it in some way but didn't have anything to add and didn't want to share it.

REBLOGGING is the main verb of this site. the etiquette is hard to nail down for newbies, and i think it's the second hardest thing to grasp for a lot of people.

reblogging is extremely important. if you do not reblog posts, the posts will not be shared, and there is no other efficient way to spread posts. your dashboard is populated by people you follow (if you have every algorythmic recommendation turned off, which is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED to curate your experience; those who use tumblr regularly and have for years have "based on your likes" and "best stuff first" turned off) and if you do not populate your followers' dashboards then they will not have any reason to follow you. they cannot see posts you have liked on their dashboards.

if you do not reblog posts and only like posts, you will be assumed to be a bot and blocked. even if there's evidence you are a person, going through someone's whole blog and reblogging absolutely nothing while spam liking for a half hour straight may very well also get you blocked. every like shows up on the op's feed AND in the blog you're browsing's feed. be polite!

when you comment on a post in the main post body while reblogging (not in tags or in replies), that comment will stick to the post and be seen when others reblog it. it's considered rude to add a comment to the main post body without having something meaningful to add, whether it be a joke, more information, or continuing a discussion. commenting something like "yes, lol" adds clutter to OP's notes and the notes of whoever you reblogged from, and others down the reblog chain will have to manually remove your junk comment.

be kind! reblog! share! there are other ways to comment on posts, like...

REPLYING which is an alternate way to get your comments to stick to a post semi-invisibly.

everyone who opens the notes can see your reply, like when you open replies on twitter, but it won't show up attached to the post, like twitter. this also pings the op and the person whose blog you left the reply on. it's useful for questions or conversations that you want to have but don't want on your blog! it's great to add feedback to a post without sharing it.

THE TAGS are the most difficult part of tumblr culture to grasp for a lot of people.

tags can be used as organizational tools (for instance, categorizing pictures or fandom posts or your own posts) and can be browsed either exclusively on your blog or globally. if you put organizational tags like #photo on a reblogged post, it will not show up in the global tags, but will show up when you look at the #photo tag on your blog. if the post is original and not reblogged, the post will show up both in global tags and in your blog's tag, so if you search #photo on either your blog or the search function, it'll show up.

however... tags are the primary way people comment on posts. it is a tidy way to say "lol" or "OH MY GOD???" or make a small, potentially funny quip that you don't want to stick to the main post. commenting in tags is customary and will make you look more like a local. if the post is funny, it's normal to say in the tags "i snorted" or "i am on the FLOOR" or something like that. you can say pretty much any comment in the tags as long as it's broken up between multiple different ones.

if you want someone to know how much you appreciate their art, leave a comment in the tags and the op will see it! your tags also show up in the notes of the person you reblogged from, so, for example, if you wanna say hi, you can say "hi [friend's name]" and they will see it in their activity. (i recommend using DMs for this though, lol)

if you never ever talk in the tags and never ever make your own posts, people will have no clue who you are and will have no clue what you think or what you want to create. if you enjoy that, then go ahead! but talking in tags is how you make your blog your own without your comment sticking on others' reblogs. it's also a way to mumble under your breath on your own posts, make little additions that people can see on the original post but not on reblogs!

i recommend really trying to get to know how to talk in tags instead of adding comments directly to posts you'd like to share. it helps everybody!

aaand that's all i've got

#exoticbutterstxt #twitter #twitter takeover

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ganymedesclock · 1 year

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random shout-out from someone who DEVOURED your SU theories years and years ago--you know, even if blue Fusion and all the other stuff turned out to be wrong--i'm definitely happy with the way SU turned out, but I find myself thinking--wistfully? about the universe and lore you speculated about. IDK. I do love the way the show went, but sometimes I think I liked your version of homeworld better (definitely liked your white diamond better XD)

That's kind of you to say!

I will say, some amount of theoryposting is an inevitable amount of creative writing. When we don't know where a show goes, we try to slide in what we think would fit based on what's known, which is our creation no matter how hard we try to base it in canon materials.

Some of it is weaker, some of it is stronger- I think the more forceful and bold Yellow Diamond in canon is definitely more interesting in the story Sugar and Crewniverse was telling, than the idea of a shy reclusive nerd that I put forwards. It makes Yellow working with Steven about White more meaningful, because we're not signaled from the start "hey she's a softie" and when they did that instead with Blue Diamond, it still comes with the edge of we've seen just how terrible her temper can be as early as The Answer.

Steven Universe was ultimately its own story and I was not completely right about what it was, which is fine. Sugar isn't me, and doesn't have to write "my" kind of story for it to be any good- that just means I get to write my own stories, to which SU has been a huge inspiration and challenged me to think about all the choices it did make.

I have immense respect for SU as a story that's very itself. Most of what I don't like about it feel like genuinely valid choices; I can't wholeheartedly say the meandering nature of many of the characters' arcs is "a flaw" when that very nature made their triumphs and final choices way more significant, and allowed them an almost unparalleled sense of reality to all these characters and the way that people deal with things (and don't). It creates a very distinctive flavor and identity and is committed and conscientious about it, which is a commendable thing not every piece of art gets to say.

And, yeah, that means either you like its flavor or don't. But I can definitely aspire to create something with that much style and gravitas to it.

I'd also say some of my theories around SU were born of ideological weaknesses in myself, not in that they were wrong and thus weak, but in hindsight, I realized that there were patterns I created.

About the main thing I was wrong about three for three with the Diamonds is how potentially scary they are; canon really went no-holds-barred with these grandiose personalities. This is baked deliberately into even the physical scale of the Diamonds- they are people who can thoughtlessly do a lot of damage because of their sheer size and power. We don't really need to get stereotypical "bad mean boss" scenes between Yellow Diamond and her Pearl, because the sheer scale of them defines the power imbalance. It's not surprising then that when we see a Yellow Diamond who is working to better herself in Future, she's interacting with Gems up on a desk that brings them closer to her eye level. The gap isn't closed, but she's trying to see where they are.

My versions of the Diamonds were leaning harder into how tragic and sad they were, which I think was born of a discomfort I feel very often in storytelling, that if someone is categorized as "evil" that a belief emerges that you cannot do anything evil or morally wrong to an evil person. Treating "evil" as just license to be exactly as mean and nasty as you want in response, because there's no way anybody who's done more damage than you think is reasonable could possibly have anything driving this behavior- and suggesting they have any reason to be sad or even the capacity to be sad is tantamount to being a quitter who thinks we should just let them do bad things unchecked.

Canon examined the tragedy of the Diamonds without needing to make them exaggeratedly soft. The versions of the Diamonds I created, while potentially compelling, were people who were themselves trapped, not decisive winners, who were so overtly vulnerable that I hoped people couldn't hate them.

And like I said- this is potentially compelling! A lot of this DNA carries over to the major antagonists of my original project, Chiaroscuro- so if you're missing my writing, I can guarantee those flavors are still around!

But it's ultimately born of a little bit of insecurity. The desire to make a blameless, tragic, vulnerable soul out of the villains so that people will feel obligated to see past their knee-jerk, "the character crossed a moral line and I don't want to relate to that or examine it" when I think that's important.

I think that we should be able to relate to people who make abhorrent choices. Even people who make unjustified abhorrent choices. I think we should be able to do that, and acknowledge their humanity, and not have it weaken our conviction that what's wrong is wrong.

If you can only stand against evil when it's an abstracted cartoonish force that isn't attached to anybody with feelings, when you imagine the worst person is actually not a human at all but some kind of demon from hell with no real feelings, you're not really in a good place to stand against evil. You're in particular, in a really bad place to stand against the potential for evil in yourself, and the potential of people with very bad intentions to appeal to you.

And that's something I tried to scratch at with my theories, and it's something canon also put its finger on, but canon, especially in Future, brought the added angle to this that sometimes doing the right thing and creating a better future means you don't get to punish people that did something wrong and you're mad at them.

The Diamonds are kind of dislikable and frustrating. But the scene with White Diamond and the pillar illuminates in stark contrast that the problem isn't White anymore; she's got loads of her own, and they haven't evaporated, but Steven needs to address his own malcontent and anger, rather than acting like it's all White's fault and getting rid of her would make his crisis stop. At the point White isn't a threat anymore, Steven nearly killing her is about him, not about her. It's not any evaluation on what she's done, or hasn't- what matters is that she's distant to him and he can justify she's done too much damage to have peace, so it's someone he doesn't, in the moment, mind lashing out at.

It's a point where the world is, easier, more peaceful, when we have enemies to attack that are just bad and we don't have to think about them and we don't have to think about what we do to them. But that easier world has some very ugly costs- because "mindless true evil" doesn't exist, so you have to choose to make the evil orc army out of other people.

#Steven Universe #readmore

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griff-chatters · 2 months

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Something I want to really drill into people's head at times is that sometimes you can't just go on and "do everything".

I'm writing this during the global strike of the 2nd of March of Gaza, and saw a few posts about people basically saying how we need to do more, how nothing is enough how we must raise and stand up tall scream and kick and, don't get me wrong, that IS important and it must be done.

However,

These people at times end up yelling at those who "just" talk about it friends, that "only" reblog and shit. I need these people to understand that what *you* categorize as "enough" and what is not is and remains *your* perception. You don't know how much one person can do, sometimes "only reblogging and talking" is the only thing they can do. Because not everyone is in a safe place to speak, not everyone can reach the protests places without asking their anti-Palestine family to bring them there, not everyone has the resources or the time or (let's be honest) the balls to send emails and spread around panphlets BUT they are still willing to talk about it, to keep themselves informed and to reblog information to repost it to spread it to donate and tell others on how to do so themselves.

We are all in this together, all of us wanting one thing that is liberation of the Palestinian people. We all hope and wish that the genocide ends, that Israel and all of its allies will pay while the Palestinian will be free to regrow, thrieve and flourish from the ruins and ashes of the bombs they had tried to delete them with.

And you must remember that. That THIS is all we want. And for THIS we have to fight.

So stop whining about people who only reblog. Stop talking down those who cannot donate but do tell others to donate. Remember what you are here for and stop being an asshole to what one can or can't do because you know what you are doing? By telling people off that their efforts aren't enough and to go do more that only dying or exposing like a martyr is enough and not even that is enough? You make them scared, you make them feel down, you make them feel like they are not enough and they won't do nothing.

And in a moment like this, in a day like today, what we need the most is make our voices louder, keep them growing and never silent. Because if we are all just scared of doing anything, ANYTHING, then we also will be too scared to act at all and that's where pro-Israel movements and ideas feast on, that's when we become complices and let the fear settle in.

Stop in-fighting and keep your head onto what's right and on what you are fighting for. Get yourself up and help others so also our support is stronger. If we can't even support one another then why the hell are we even here, no?

So do what you can. Reblog, repost, spread information and link pages and link threads, donate and go speak to friends and family that can and will listen to you, go to the protests and boycott send emails and spread panphlets *do what you can*. Because that is enough on itself. I promise you it's enough, keep going and do what you can because *it is enough*. Anything is enough because it's already better than sit back and do nothing.

#free palestine #free gaza #strike for palestine #strike for gaza

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revvethasmythh · 1 year

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okay still on the topic of veth's "Nothing is more important than you" because honestly I think that is such an interesting and important character note for where she is emotionally at this part in the story. A long time ago, I wrote a meta about this scene (that tumblr thoroughly ate and is super hard for me to find again) predominantly because of the advice she gave to Caleb: "Burn your past." Veth is more aggressive in her advice in this scene than we see almost ever in the entire campaign. There's real fire and passion behind what she's saying to Caleb, even though the advice she's giving isn't very good or actionable for him. And I've always been of the belief that she's very much projecting her own feelings about her life onto Caleb in that moment because it's a thousand percent easier to tell someone else (particularly Caleb, whom she is closest to) that he needs to go scorched earth on his past than it is to admit to herself that maybe she wants to scorch out a little of her past, too. Especially when that past includes her husband and child, whom she loves, but is feeling deeply conflicted about because she's caught between two realities and versions of her life that simply cannot mesh together.

I think a lot of Veth's character arc in this segment of the story is so nuanced but subtle, which is why it's so rarely discussed, in addition to [insert 10 page rant about people ignoring Veth's character for other reasons here]. This quiet grappling with her impossible choices are truly highlighted by the men in her life she has romantic feelings for--Yeza and Caleb, who work really well to represent the desire for homemaking vs. the desire for adventuring. It's simple canon that Veth has at least a crush on Caleb at this stage, though honestly I'd expect it to be much more than that considering her internal conflict and what she actually says to Caleb in less than a 10-episode run ("I want to be with you--all", "I will always love you", "nothing in more important than you"). These aren't subtle hints about how she feels for him, but are rather on the nose, though I suppose they could be misconstrued simply because her relationship with Caleb has been routinely ambiguous and unfathomably intimate since the very beginning. But if that thread of understanding about how Veth is feeling gets lost, then full scope of Veth's conflict and the reason behind her projection in this moment gets lost as well because the two things Veth is feeling in that moment are a) protectiveness beyond the norm over Caleb and b) conflict over her place in the world. Anger at the bind she's found herself in where there isn't a perfect, happy ending and a choice does have to be made. It's something she's been putting off for a long time, since episode 59 when she first asked Caleb if he could just give her the answer of what she should do ("I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.")

The anger there is valid. After all, what has been easy and gone right in Veth's life? Why wouldn't she be angry and frustrated that even when everything should be working out in her life, there's one more thing lingering and tearing her heart in two, between the Nein and her home/son, between her feelings for Yeza and her feelings for Caleb? It just really occurs to me that if you choose to ignore Veth's very much canonical feelings for Caleb in this instance (which I've seen a lot of the fandom do), the drive for this outburst and the impact of it is lessened to such a notable degree. The real meat of what Veth is feeling and grappling with, in my opinion, becomes so much more opaque if you can't/don't acknowledge the feelings that are supporting it. "Nothing is more important than you." That's a categorically untrue statement. But maybe in one selfish moment, that's what Veth wants to be true.

#it's been a while since I've done a honk-a-chonk of a meta like this #feels good to be back #cr2 rewatch 2: electric boogaloo #cr2e126 #critical role #the mighty nein #widobrave #veth brenatto #this isn't even mentioning how veth habitually pushed caleb to be with astrid (SPECIFICALLY astrid)#whom veth seems to really specifically think of as his boyhood girlfriend #in a way that I don't think is entirely unrelated to how she views yeza as her girlhood boyfriend #because if caleb is with astrid and happy then she thinks she can finally let go and be with happy with yeza again #anyway

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lajulie24 · 2 months

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1, 17, 30 for the fic asks!

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

This is a tough question, because I really do try to kind of mix things up in my fics these days, so there are a few examples that might work well as a starting point. But I think Cover Me is a good example of the early-relationship Han and Leia I try to write — a good team, friends before they become lovers, struggling a little with whether getting together is a good idea or not, but ultimately fitting together really well. And bonus Springsteen references, since, as we know, he is a popular Corellian singer and Han is a fan.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even thought you might be the only person to appreciate it?

As far as an AU that basically takes Han and Leia and puts them into roles from another property, I’ve long wanted a Dirty Dancing AU. Maybe not the whole movie, maybe just the part where they finally admit their feelings for each other and then have a dance scene that turns into a love scene. Or maybe just Leia telling Han, “I’m doing all this to save your ass and what I’d really like to do is drop you on it!” Similarly I think a The Cutting Edge AU could be fun solely for Han and Leia being in “the ultimate love/skate relationship”. Also as I was thinking of this question I decided it would be really fun to put Han and Leia in an X-Files AU where they are two detectives in the GFFA solving X-Files mysteries (some of which are probably the work of a Sith Lord or random Force nonsense — I think Han might end up having to be the Scully sometimes in this scenario).

I’m not sure if I would categorize this as fully an AU so much as me just rejecting the post-ROTJ canon, but I have sort of daydreamed a post-ROTJ story where Leia decides fairly early on that being a politician and diplomat is great, but that she’s actually going to be more help to the ideals she and the Rebellion fought for if she takes a very different role. So she and Han (and maybe Luke, too, and Chewie when he’s not hanging out with his family) bum around the galaxy on the Falcon and she works on things like helping slavery liberation movements and supporting refugees and advocating alongside worlds who were especially devastated by the Empire to help them have a voice in the new government and get what they need. It kind of ends up being a Jedi thing except if the Jedi weren’t so chained to the Republic and had more leeway to help folks around the galaxy. They make use of Han’s contacts and skills and Leia studies to be a Jedi and every so often she hangs out with the Alderaanians to help them out too (although the Alderaanians also sort of make this their collective mission, too, once they are able to get a more stable foothold in the galaxy).

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

Several times! Even though I have written quite a bit of smut by now, it took me a long time before I tried it, and it’s always a little out of my comfort zone. As you know, I recently wrote smut that included some acts that…I hadn’t written about before and that made me go “OMG holy shit I cannot believe I actually wrote that” — in something in the way you move (makes me feel like I can’t live without you).

How did it affect my approach to writing thereafter? Well, I think each time I’ve tried something new, particularly in my out-of-my-comfort-zone smut writing, I’ve realized that the only way to do it is to just take yourself through it, step by step. I can’t think of it as “okay now I’m going to write Leia fucking Han” as a whole giant scene because that just makes me come to a complete stop. Depending on whose POV I’m writing, I’ve learned that the smut works better if I focus on what the POV character is noticing, what they’re feeling both physically and emotionally, and imagine each step they take in the scene (and skip over / gloss over steps that aren’t particularly relevant). Then it’s more real than movie-screen sex but not quite so real that we need to know every single detail like you would if you were doing this to someone in real life. And also, I found that when I wrote smut more often, I actually got better at it and liked writing it more.

Thank you kindly for the ask!

Fanfiction writer asks!

#ask lajulie #fanfiction writer asks #recommended entry level fic #highly specific AU #writing out of the comfort zone #cover me #something in the way you move (makes me feel like I can’t live without you)#otterandterrier #thank you for the ask!

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will-o-wips · 5 months

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It is 4 am. I'm staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, coincidentally having my phone right in my line of sight, and write this with the exasperation and intense focus that I probably won't ever have again. I'm about to attempt to make any sort of sense of the latest Hayao Miyazaki movie, The Boy and the Heron (or rather, How do you live? in Japanese), that I watched for the first time in theatres a day ago.

I cannot claim to be right, or to know everything about this movie. Actually acclaimed critics and people with obviously more braincells than me have probably better takes than I do. But I must speak, lest the insanity truly take over my brain, lest I really end up combusting because of how much I want to talk about this.

Prepare yourselves for the most incoherent train of thought and line of consciousness you will ever experience.

FILLED WITH SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE.

Before I start with my actual thoughts, however, I'll state my personal feelings about the movie, because I feel that matters too, and this is my post anyway so! But I personally left the cinema feeling somewhat mellow. I was not insane about it yet. It was,,, "meh". The impression of the ride was great; I was giggling along with the funny and even sometimes not purposefully funny moments, I enjoyed the animation to the point I would genuinely flap my hands in excitement at how good it was, I understood the story in great lines by noticing small details and going "oh so does this mean x?". But I did not cry. Not a single tear during or after or before the movie. I did not waver with my opinion on it as I rambled about it to my friends online and irl, much to their annoyance. I did not hesitate when I put it in my silly little Studio Ghibli movie tierlist maker that I update whenever I watch another one of these films together with my friends, categorized (in)discreetly under "all vibes no plot but there's a witch/wizard". I still don't, in fact.

So, given all of this, you'd probably say that I disliked the movie. That I would not have so much to say about it, after doing my mandatory ramble and update. Wrong. I still have more to say, somehow.

Despite that, I didn't rewatch the movie itself. I read an entirety of one (1) review of it, together with one (1) random video essay of 8 or so minutes, covering the basics of it. I reblogged one (1) post about its protagonist on tumblr and otherwise kinda read through the rest of the posts on here. I did not re-experience or re-examine this movie again. I cannot (again) accurately reference anything besides that what I vaguely remember from watching it a day or two ago. It's not playing anywhere near me anymore/not out anywhere else yet, so really, I don't even know what possessed me to write about this, or even say anything. The most fascinating thing (to probably all of us here) is; what made me change my mind about it?

It might've been the review on IndieWire. David Ehrlich and his well-written review, bringing things into much needed context as to why this movie was created. It could've been the fact that I've actively processed the movie better, now a little bit of time has passed. [Honestly it deserves a second watch/view for something more concrete, but I'm repeating myself with this, you get it.]

But I don't even really understand it myself. I felt and still feel so detached from this movie in a sense. I appreciate the artistry that went into it, and I adore the way it simply tells the story and leaves it up to interpretation. It references every single film Hayao Miyazaki has ever made before, and elements of other Ghibli films can probably be found in there too, if you looked hard enough. The vibes were similar to those of Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle, given how inexplicably fantastical the world was. It just existed and breathed, and we as the audience jumped straight into it. We never got more exposition than what was needed; honestly I have a feeling that the second half of the movie was the vaguest piece of media I have ever consumed in my life. But it also had this perfect balance of the more drama-focused Ghibli films. The Boy and the Heron, in my opinion, is like the golden middle between reality and fantasy, both in terms of its narrative as well as comparison between other Ghibli movies.

This might also be the reason why I felt confused. The lines between reality and fantasy were so effortlessly blurred, that you could only process a singular picture. And when things are vague to me, I constantly need to pick them apart and analyse them, simply to satisfy my own curiosity.

The moment before I stepped into the movie theatre, my friend who watched along with me told me they heard it was a film about grief. I nodded along and said "yeah, okay, that just means it's another one of many Hayao Miyazaki and Ghibli films. Most of them are about some kind of loss, and dealing with it, either way." I sat down together with them; row 9, chairs 17 and 18, with my two bottles of water (one carbonated, one stilled) and the bag of terribly sour packaged chocolate pretzels I bought at the theatre itself. Horribly overpriced for the quality, I must say. My friend held onto the popcorn, and we sat through the ads, talking and laughing, anticipating something that was supposed to blow us away.

I cannot speak for my friend, but I think they really liked the movie regardless. They didn't cry at it either, even though we both know of each other that we always cry at such things. Somehow this movie evoked a certain stillness in us both; a stalemate between emotions and confusion. Maybe delayed processing. Maybe something else entirely. We both, or at least I, hid it until later.

It was midnight, and right before we stepped on our train home, I was excitedly going on about the references and animation, the things I did appreciate. I bragged a bit about how I recognized Kenshi Yonezu's voice in the final credit song that we didn't get to listen to entirely, because it was so late and we had to rush to get home. They laughed at me and told me to take some time to actively formulate any coherent thoughts on it. I disagreed (lovingly and jokingly of course), and we left it at that.

In the train itself, the same high dimmed into a simmer, the excitement replaced with contemplation, and I kept talking.

I told them: "I believe that this truly is his last film. This felt like a goodbye." And in return, they replied: "It's crazy how this is the last time we'll ever get to live in such a moment. The release of the final Ghibli movie in theatres.

"I'm glad we got to go."

I was too.

I got home, rambled about the intrinsic way The Boy and the Heron referenced other Ghibli movies to my online friends who had yet to see it. Followed by a heated tangent about how When Marnie Was There truly could have had better direction in regards to the narrative, as well as how Only Yesterday was the most boring out of all Ghibli movies. It was a nice night. I didn't think about the movie again.

The following morning, I contacted other friends, who told me about how Robert Pattison voiced the Heron in the English dub, which I hadn't seen or heard at all. He did a great job, judging by the trailer. This led me to another opinion, namely the video essay (I will try to find it and put it in the notes later if you are curious), which claimed something similar to this (of course, paraphrased):

"This is a farewell. The one true movie to tie such an expansive career. It is another movie where you are allowed to explore the magical together with the main character, while sticking close to the processing of it all."

The review I read said it was a swan-song, that it was the question and title of the movie in Japanese, posed at us, after The Wind Rises left it open to interpretation at the end of its run. That this was a story about the legacy that Miyazaki is leaving behind, how reality and fantasy coexist together, possibly influencing each other (not explicitly said but what I interpreted that review saying, so no this is also not completely like this).

Other tumblr posts I've seen on here say it was a film most likely dedicated to his son, Goro Miyazaki. That it was a gentle "I'm sorry, the shadow I leave behind is huge. I know that you will try and fail to fill it. It's okay; you don't have to. You can leave it behind. It's alright if this legacy dies with me."

Some other sources I've seen compare the main protagonist to Miyazaki himself, trying to grapple with the ending.

Yet somehow, all of these interpretations seem to fail to explain the entirety of this movie. The bigger picture if you will. These themes and moments and interpretations are not wrong, but to me, they're not satisfying enough.

Because maybe I am the only one who actually was insane about this moment, but I will never forget the delivery room scene between Mahito and Natsuko. How Himi addresses the magic stone, pleading to let the two go, saying "Natsuko and the boy who is to be her son". (Again, paraphrased, I cannot remember the exact line.) Maybe I am the only one who witnessed the whimsical fire witch and the going back in time plots and the fact that a younger Kiriko and Himi were there, already part of an ecosystem. How we already know from the other grannies in the house that Mahito's mother disappeared once for a whole year into the tower, and then came back the same as before. How the pelicans were BROUGHT there, that they did not belong there, and yet were forgetting how to fly. How they ate the Warawara, these creatures that were rising above to be born in the upper world. How the Heron's weakness was his 7th tail feather (or something along those lines), and how the fish and the frogs chanted for Mahito to join them in the tower. That the great-great-uncle was hoping for Mahito to succeed him and build a new tower, yet the king of the parakeets butted in and haphazardly did the job, resulting in it immediately toppling over, as well as the stones getting cut.

I think about the final scene where the Heron says "It's best to forget. Do you have any keepsakes?" And Mahito shows not only older Kiriko's figure, but also a piece of the stone paths they walked upon in order to get to the centre, the beating heart, the magic stone and his great-great-uncle.

How this is taking place during a war, that the timeline goes from his mothers death that Mahito cannot get over, to the welcoming of his stepmother and his new younger sibling. Them moving back to Tokyo. The way the tower completely collapsed. Completely and utterly collapsed and perished; not even a trace of it left behind. The way that older Kiriko keeps yelling it is a trap to Mahito in the beginning, but that both he and the Heron know. That it is inevitable to tread this specific path. That he must see for himself, whether his mother is truly alive. The way she both was and wasn't; first a mirage of her older self disappearing into a puddle of water, and second a firey spirit of her younger self coming to help Mahito. The way that he reads and cries at the book she left him, the way he hits himself with a rock after his big fight with his classmates; the way Mahito in general drowns consistently in the beginning of the film. He drowns in the fire that he lost his mother in. He drowns in the mud and the dust when he tries to enter the tower at first. He drowns in his dreams, in his tears, drowns right into his quest to find Natsuko (straight through the floor, by behest of his great-great-uncle), drowns in pelicans trying to eat him, nearly drowns in the actual sea until younger Kiriko fishes him out.

Now these things may seem like me just randomly naming shit that happens in the movie. Hopefully in a slightly poetic way, possibly. I could go on and on about the imagery, truly. But my point is, this movie may have been Miyazaki's last movie, his way of closure, his way of speaking to his son about his legacy, his way of describing the grief of losing his mother (idk if this is autobiographical or not. It very well may have been), yet...

Even so, it doesn't really fit the entire picture. It feels incomplete. The analyses always focus on the true meaning behind this movie, what happens behind the scenes, this one key climactic moment between Mahito and his great-great-uncle. But that's as if you would ignore the rest of the movie in general. As if the fantastical aspects weren't there to abstractly tell a story besides just being a symbol of closure for the person that directed it.

Personally, this is a tale of rebirth. Of losing yourself, and then rediscovering yourself in a way. I associate it with my own personal loss of my grandfather; the family member I felt closest to out of everyone.

The way you look back at such a traumatic stage in your life, something that irrevocably changed you for good, something that you probably don't ever want to relive again, but also mustn't forget. The way you instinctively are afraid to learn about who the person you love and grieve was, before you were in their life.

To this day, I still cannot speak to my mother about whether my grandfather had a favourite song before me forcing him to sing along with my favourites. A favourite book before he read out bedtime stories to me tirelessly. Who the boy in him was, and what wisdom and life lessons he carried on, into his grave, into the hearts of his children.

This movie depicts so much more than just grief, it's so much more than just legacy, even. It directly reflects the way I know I would have felt had I dared to actually see things for myself. If I actually dared to go through my grandfather's old things; the books he wrote and dedicated to me, the books he read when he was young. This movie depicts not how to live, but how to live on.

And the only way to live on is to move forward. To look at the foundations upon which it was built, to evaluate whether you truly want to have this be your burden to carry for the rest of your life. Mahito's abstract grief in regards to his mother, and the solace he finds in the fact that he at least knew who she was; that he at least had her in his life as both his mother and the girl that his stepmother knew, that at the very least he knows his mother would do it all over again, if she could. That despite everything, she did not regret a thing, and that she was not afraid. That somewhere, in the past, she lives on, happily marching toward this fate, because she knows that Mahito will be there to meet her again in the future.

And Natsuko, god, she worries relentlessly about whether Mahito will accept her. She worries to the point she yells at him, telling him that she hates him and his existence, because he rejects her so coldly and yet still bothers to show up in front of her during her most vulnerable moments. That he only takes and takes and takes; he steals her cigarettes in order to learn how to sharpen a knife from one of the servants. He uses those techniques to create a bow and arrow, a weapon. He gets into fights at school, he gets gravely injured on the side of his head, leaving a lasting scar.

If I were in her shoes, I would be furious at him too. Especially if he walked straight into the delivery room, trying to drag me out of bed while I was doing my damn best to keep the other child in my belly alive.

That scene, that sheer rage, and the way it ALL FUCKING SUBSIDES the MOMENT Mahito accepts her and calls her mother. The moment Mahito understands that through the literal whirlwind of plasters, things used to tend to wounds, none of those pleasantries/guards will truly allow him to reach her. The way he tries to nurse his own wounds, as well as try to nurse hers, over the loss of their shared connection (Natsuko's older sister, Mahito's biological mother), will NEVER allow him to make a connection with her. By being careful, by being polite, he will never get to be her son.

And he realizes, in that moment, that he wants to.

The magic stone tries to stop this. The magic stone dislikes disruption; dislikes things changing, dislikes breaking traditions (the taboo of entering the delivery room). The parakeets in the tower flourish because they follow the magic stone's whims more or less. They agree to follow its rules, even if it means they are prone to its abuse, because it gives them an advantage, a place to stay. The pelicans have to eat the Warawara, because there is no other food available to them.

The way younger Kiriko says "you reek of death", and how they establish this place is mostly made up of death and dead people. Dead people, or dying people, creatures that are begging to survive another day. Creatures that are begging to be reborn. That want to change, that wish to fly once more.

My mother once gave me a poem dearest to her heart. We have always been a family filled with literature and stories, but my mother was always the best at both writing them and reciting them. She used to read them out to me, back when I was in a particularly bad spot mentally, to the point I could not get out of bed for weeks on end, to try and reach me. She read with the sincerest passion in her voice, a small plea to get me back to the girl I was before.

I cannot explain or remember the poem by heart, but once I was at my true rock bottom, she told me to look it up. A Serbian poem, written by Miroslav Antić (I will add the name of it later), that was about growing up and growing into your own person. It made me weep, for it had a phrase I think I can only translate to this:

"Run and don't look back."

Somehow, whenever I look at all of these birds and creatures in this fantasy world, trying to fly desperately, trying to get to the skies, trying to get to even live, and think about the fact that the only way they can is by leaving this place. That the only way they can fly and survive as themselves is by leaving this tower, this stone, this foundation. By leaving and being born, by leaving and being reborn.

And, after all of this. Somehow I'm not even done yet. I haven't talked about the great-great-uncle in depth, nor the king of the parakeets, nor the heron whatsoever. I have not yet even touched upon what I might think the magic stone is, and the sheer amount of like symbolism I picked apart in my brain because of my insanity.

I'm probably not the only one who noticed these things. But so far I haven't seen anyone actively share these things, so, I will do my best to continue and genuinely wrap it up as best as I can. So that this can also bring the same amount of closure as the movie does.

The magic stone is like a shooting star that came onto the earth. It realizes dreams and worlds of whoever dares to walk into it and claim to own it; like how Mahito's great-great-uncle got obsessed and built a tower around it, caging it, taming it. And yet he still had to play to its whims, consistently making sure his own tower of blocks did not fall, that all of his work did not amount to nothing. Personally, I do believe the great-great-uncle could represent Miyazaki himself. That Miyazaki is trying to express how he built Ghibli and that now it has been going on for so long, and it has become unmanageable to continue upholding it. That it is time to retire.

A thing I find interesting and remember pretty well is the conversation between the parakeet king and the great-great-uncle. How they talked about Mahito's transgression, breaking into the delivery room (side note: he broke in and broke through to Natsuko with his mother's spirit. Mahito became Natsuko's son with the blessing of his mother; with the sheer love she had for him being carried on and through), and how the great-great-uncle says something akin to this:

"It is why I wish for him [Mahito] to succeed me."

"I cannot overlook such a transgression."

I feel this is important. It is key to how the great-great-uncle views Mahito in this. Because Mahito was not sent out on this quest to find Natsuko out of pure selfishness. Sure, his uncle would have wanted him to succeed him, but the entire reason WHY he believed in Mahito to begin with, is the fact that this boy was able to break the foundation and the traditions in the first place. Mahito inherently disobeys from the chosen path. Mahito inherently does not believe the Heron when he says that all herons lie. Mahito doesn't waver when the heron flies straight at him, he doesn't sway when the frogs or the pelicans overwhelm him. Mahito stands firm in who he is, even if he is trying to deal with new circumstances. Mahito inherently goes to places he should not be in (his curiosity for the tower). Mahito has enough power on his own to create a new tower, but only by rebuilding it from scratch.

This ready acceptance that the great-great-uncle has towards Mahito's decision NOT to inherit his legacy, is what makes me believe this is what this movie is supposed to represent. Break away from the old, off into the new. Closure. Moving on.

This is also reflected in the sentiment that Mahito truly DOES move on. He goes back to his family, his father, school, he goes back with Natsuko as his mother and a new younger sibling to Tokyo. He returns there where he came from, but he is not the same anymore. He is reborn into a new Mahito.

And god I feel like I'm repeating myself to death here; I really should have thought about the structure of this, but give me some slack okay. It's like 6:30 am already and I'm still not done, despite continuously writing and labouring at this.

So, the tower that immediately falls apart by someone who always follows the whims of a dream (the parakeet king and the stone respectively). God it is just such a momentTM. Because in the end even this shows that the parakeets, too, even though they by far had it the best in that goddamn tower, had to leave. For they could not build something on their own without learning who they were outside of the already established. Outside of just following the rules and all.

They had to leave, my GODDDDD.

As I'm getting progressively more unhinged, we shall move onto the most unhinged character in this entire fucking movie. The Heron himself. God there's too much to unpack here, really, but the truth is, the Heron was supposed to be the guide to Mahito. The Heron was supposed to be Mahito's biggest, most aggressive enemy, the direct antagonist to Mahito's protagonist. The Heron doesn't want change. The Heron tries to bribe Mahito with the fact that his mother is still alive, that he need only enter the tower, and lose himself to illusions and dreams. That fantasizing about his mother being alive won't only drown him more, that it won't just let Mahito sink into the deepest pits of his despair and anguish about such a death, that losing yourself to the belief that something is there when it is not wouldn't only be counterproductive. The Heron masks himself consistently; he says that all herons lie. He says that he only has one weakness, his own feather, that allows the arrow to automatically target him. In essence, the Heron shot himself in the foot beak. He himself slipped up in his mirage world, and came out to be who he truly was, this weird little man with a huge nose and a conniving demeanour. He adamantly cannot disobey the dream, for then his true nature comes peaking out (a small detail I absolutely love is the fact that the Heron's feathers also disappear out of Mahito's hands when Mahito is called back to reality by the grannies. The grannies protect him in the dream world too, by being his tether and support system while he gets over himself and starts trusting Natsuko). The Heron doesn't WANT to be a guide, for in order to be a guide, you must tell the truth. You'd need to know some facts about the world around you and share this information with the ones seeking guidance. This is how I believe Mahito understood the Heron before we did.

It's not that all herons lie; it's just that this particular one does not want to face the truth/reality.

Another interesting detail: the whole reason why only Mahito was able to cover up the hole in the Heron's beak was reminiscent about how only those that called you out can really patch up your old image. Only those that have poked holes in your false narrative are able to fill them back up again, and even then it is not the same, and even then it will not always be comfortable/reliable.

Either way, the Heron, after this wings partially turn into hands, his true nature, is unable to fly all that well for a while. He relies on Mahito's corkscrew thing in order to relish in his comfort zone of lies again. But throughout the movie, the Heron slowly starts to ignore the corkscrew completely; simply opting to stay in his (frankly, freakish) half gremlin man half heron costume form. The Heron changes because Mahito inspired him to change. Even though his image used to be spotless before, and he tried to deceive Mahito, after a while, he stopped doing that. The mutual trust both Mahito and the Heron had grew. The Heron became a person, although his heron-ness would never go away.

The Heron thus warns Mahito that he should want to forget. That he will forget, either way. That this struggle of his to grapple with the reality of his situation, and the fantasy that he was delving into, will become a far-off memory that Mahito should not revisit. The Heron, I believe, is genuinely trying to look out for Mahito.

"Don't dwell in what you have already overcome. Don't revisit the things you have already outgrown."

And this is where the movie more or less ends. Mahito still keeps that stone, and his mother's book, and he goes back to Tokyo; the only crucial difference is that he has overcome his own grief.

Now, I've said this like a billion times now, but this is the rebirth. This is what I think this movie stands for. What it means, at its core. This is what it means to live; to move on and to cut ties with that what has no place in your life anymore. Miyazaki, I think, is trying to give us closure, a final farewell to Ghibli altogether.

Now I don't know about any speculation that he might come back again, and personally, I don't think it really matters. If he does come back, good for him. I just don't know enough to say anything for sure, so I'll just say I cannot say.

Either way, I think, even though Miyazaki conveyed the need for a new start/a rebirth, he didn't really end on the complete abolishment of all that used to be. You are allowed to keep mementos of it; even though the Heron advises not to. Mahito is allowed to reflect upon this experience, to see it as another stone in his foundation/formation, to say that, yes, the spirit of this change will always stay with me, although it has passed.

Just like how Mahito's mom was someone who returned to the past without regrets. She never came back. She was a spirit that pushed Mahito forward, and he will always remember her, but it's better that she stay a memory than become a fantasy.

This is why I'm so impressed by this movie in general. I'm so thankful that I was able to witness this with a friend of mine. I'm glad that I was able to see this, even though my insanity knows no bounds, and the fact that I didn't even think about any of this until I really sat down to look through the options of interpretations.

I'm so glad I got to go. Now it's time to run towards the future, and never look back.

#the boy and the heron #genuinely what was I on actually #I can't believe I am writing this/have written this #Disclaimer: I am really just saying shit please do not take this as the end all be all or whatever; I just need to say it just in case.#oh btw this is DEFINITELY not meant to critique or dismiss any of the people that have other opinions than I do #I just needed to put my own interpretation out there #together with my few flourishes of storytelling here and there even though I'm not even sure if it makes any sense whatsoever #the boy and the heron spoilers #spoilers #I think like. there is so much more to be said about this. there is so much more that can be touched upon #without the repetitive stuff of unstructured “just wing it” (ha ha get it. because there's so many birds and flying metaphors in this.)#essays and shit like this #like I haven't even touched upon Mahito's father and the entire airplane thing that could just be a reference but also-#it could be a metaphor in how his father is trying to overcompensate and how he just wants Mahito to fly again so he creates and works so-#hard that he eventually just ends up being absent in Mahito's life.#which is sickening. (positive/bittersweet)#anyway I am still just saying shit. enjoy the??? idk essay upon essay upon essay of late night insanity.

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