#and it’s So annoying because i know my enthusiasm for this project will come back but it’ll happen exactly when i don’t need it to

[namfinessed]

is it that hard?- j.hs

genre: fluff, pining, f2l, mild angst and heavy suggestive content (13k)

summary: suddenly, hoseok being just your friend and waking up with five words swirling in your head, that you are sure you have never heard anyone utter before, both stop making any sense.

all works in the series can be real individually.

masterlist   series masterlist (colors universe)

it was a normal day.

a completely normal day.

you woke up and went to work with uninterested steps only to find some relief in your boring routine when your best friend greets you right by the elevator with a cup of coffee that he knows you will crave.

“you are a lifesaver” you thanked him with a grateful smile and he nodded with the ever-present grin on his face, even bowing like a prince to be further dramatic which made you laugh.

you both walked to your cubicles, excitedly filling each other in on whatever show you were watching the previous night.

hoseok, quite literally, was the reason you got up in the morning. since he was a morning person, he called you right when he woke up because he knows that alarms are useless for you, and by the time you come to work, he’s either waiting for you at the elevator or in the break room, sometimes with coffee that he knows you will need. he always guessed on when you need it more, if you ever sounded especially tired during your call, he did you one better and gets you a bagel too because that’s just hoseok, ever so giving and loving.

the way you met was nothing extraordinary, he was introduced as the new member of your department and your utter lack of enthusiasm in the meeting had amused hoseok, he had silently laughed under his breath when you rolled your eyes at the irritating manager who kept dragging on his speech, that was the moment he knew that you two would get along.

that particular second or two, as you rolled your eyes, hoseok felt like a feather, his body got lighter as his tension faded away and his smile grew wider and that moment was etched in his mind, that temporary relief of seeing something real in all the robotic faces around him, he doesn’t think he will ever forget that. in his defense, you always remember how you meet a friend, especially a friend like you.

hoseok was a polite person, never hostile in his behavior or in the way he talked, he was always smiling but as much as hoseok was smiling on the outside, his co-workers annoyed the hell out of him and it seemed like you didn’t try to hide your annoyance unlike him and that’s how you became friends, he made a snide remark about an over-enthusiastic member on his team and you burst out laughing.

hoseok liked being the reason for your laugh then; that hasn’t changed.

“i can’t believe her, honestly” you shook your head as your eyes narrowed down on the topic of your conversation, kang mina. “why would she even expect me to do over-time just for the pathetic little project that she was supposed to be done with ages ago?” you continued to complain as hoseok snickered beside you. “she did the same thing to me, with our last project, i was so close to banging my head into my screen” he threw a petty glare at her and that’s exactly when she decided to turn around.

you held back a snicker as his glare comically melted into a polite nod and smile to her, he really couldn’t be rude to anyone.

and when she gave him a forced smile back, you could tell it took everything in him to not scowl at her. she turned to you, but she just nodded, she knew better than to expect a greeting from you.

“anyway, that stupid company camp trip they do is only days away now and i just want this project to be over by then, i want to properly relax this time around” you sighed as you leaned on the table behind you and hoseok raised his eyebrows at you.

“they announced it already?”

“yeah, only two days ago though, they will probably e-mail us later about it. i am definitely going this time” you nod determinedly. “this is a first, you are always the quickest to refuse the invitation for over two years now” hoseok recalls how adamant you were about not going as he stirred his coffee; he had tried everything he could to convince you to come but you didn’t budge.

‘i already see these people way more than i should, i’m not spending my precious vacation with them too’ is what you had said in finality then and hoseok, though dejected, had gone by himself, his extroverted nature made it easy for him to blend in with them but he wouldn’t admit it to you that he constantly pondered over how fun it would have been if you went with him.

“i thought it over and it can’t be that bad, you know? it’s free food and free stay for a few days in the countryside, and i heard that they’re taking a really sweet resort this time around. besides, you will be there so i want to try it this time” hoseok ignored how his heart skipped a beat when you mentioned him as one of the reasons you wanted to go, he reasoned to himself that you wanted him there, because he was, well, your friend. your best friend.

and he had no right to feel sad over the fact that you were just his best friend.

“i’m going too, so this should be fun” he hums as he excuses himself and leaves the break room, you blink confusedly as he moves hurriedly but shrug it off, thinking he must have something important to do.

that day, you reach home and fall on your sofa in a lump, not even removing your coat as you stretch yourself to relieve the tension collected in your neck and shoulders.

you groaned as you gathered the sheets around you to finally fall asleep that day and your phone dinged to alert you of a message.

‘good night pookie<3’ it read and it was from none other than hoseok, a smile immediately grew on your face as you recalled the first time hoseok had called you that, it took you by surprise then but you didn’t feel disgusted by it as you did with most nicknames. somehow, from him, it didn’t sound like the worst thing in the world.

you quickly texted him back and your smile remained as you slipped into a deep slumber.

and suddenly, it wasn’t a normal day anymore.

in the middle of the night, as the wind from your window that you forgot to close chilled your room, you kept tossing and turning as your skin heated up unnaturally, your sheets no longer being a comfort but a nuisance, you kicked them off somewhere in the middle of the night but you still were stuck in a place between the deepest sleep you’ve ever had to the most awake you’ve ever been. your pillow felt like a rock and your head felt two thoughts away from exploding into a million pieces.

but you stayed asleep, stubborn and adamant to get some rest, and it was miles away from a good sleep, but sleep nonetheless.

the following morning, you woke up with a start, sitting up as soon as you opened your eyes and placing a hand on your abnormally racing heart.

because it’s always been you.

where did that come from?

you couldn’t think of anything but those five words that stayed circling in your still tired mind, but you have never heard them in all your life, you don’t remember anyone telling you anything remotely as affectionate as that but somehow it seems like your mind is convinced that you have heard it and that you need to keep remembering those five words particularly.

you felt disoriented, you weren’t used to having such a restless sleep nor were you used to your heart beating out of its cage or even your sweaty palms.

“what the hell?” you whisper to yourself as you look around your room in a hurry, trying to scan for anything that could have made you feel this unsettled.

nothing looked out of place, everything looked the same. you unconsciously patted yourself to find your forehead and eyebrows lined with beads of sweat that you wiped away with your already sweaty palms.

what was going on?

as you frowned at your state and started moving around your bed in a daze, the shrill sound of your ringtone made you jump before groaning at how stupid you must look right now and grabbing it harshly from the bedside table.

“good morning pookie” hoseok greeted in a sing-song tone with a rough voice, having just woken up a while ago, as soon as you answered his call.

because it’s always been you.

you don’t answer hoseok and silence continues between you two as you frown yet again, trying to zero in on those five words and why you can’t get them out of your head.

“pookie...everything okay? do you need five more minutes?” though hoseok’s sentence starts with worry for you, it fades into a more playful tone as he thinks that maybe you just didn’t want to get up today.

“yeah, yes, everything is…alright, everything is the same, as it’s always been” you ramble as you try to convince yourself that these were just words, you will eventually forget them but you still couldn’t understand why your skin burned the way it did or why your chest suddenly felt like it was out of air.

“…well, i’m glad you are up, it would have been a pain to wake you up again. see you at work then, get your ass up and get ready soon” hoseok sounds unsure, not knowing what to make of your rambling because you never talk this much in the morning but he decides to let it go for now.

“see you at work, hobi” you say in a small voice, cutting the call and falling back on your bed with a thud and you solidify in your head that no one would know about this until you figure it out yourself.

it was a normal day.

a completely normal day.

at least that’s what it was before your chest filled with the weight of something that wasn’t heavy per se, just an uneasy fluttering that didn’t go away.

-

you tiredly leaned your body on the printer as it churned out pages that you needed to revise for your project, your eyes kept falling shut as the lack of sleep caught up to you.

because it’s always been you.

there it was again.

constantly revolving, wavering in your head, and refusing to be forgotten.

words that you have never uttered or heard someone else utter.

“there you are! i’ve been looking everywhere for you” you heard in the distance but you didn’t move or respond, your body stayed on the printer as its slow buzz and the gentle clattering of pages against each other served as a lullaby to you.

because it’s always been you.

you groaned, turning your head away with your eyes sealed shut, hoping that ignoring it would make it go away.

“hello” hoseok sang as he stepped closer to you but he paused immediately when he saw your knitted eyebrows and shut eyes.

because it’s always been you.

he stepped in front of you, thinking that you would at least see him then but you seemed way too lost in whatever you were thinking to register his presence, so hoseok tugged on your hand, his touch as gentle as ever.

because it’s always been-

your eyes snapped open, breath coming out in a rush as you looked around you, just like you did in the morning. when you see hoseok in front of you, you don’t know why you do it. maybe you were exhausted, maybe you were just sick of thinking of those five words, maybe the night of no sleep was catching up to you, but your body falls on him as a sigh of relief escapes you, quiet as ever, your body was looking to seek any kind of relief you could get and your palms curl on his dress shirt, and hoseok freezes.

his arms stay in the air as his body stays alert at the sudden contact but hoseok scolds himself, he was your friend and you were not feeling well so he had to quit acting like this was the first time you both have ever hugged, hell you both have come close to cuddling when you were drunk sometimes so he sucked a long breath and his arms wrapped around you, his palms gently patting your body to calm down.

he didn’t ask why you were this way; he didn’t ask even when you moved away from him, seemingly still in a daze, and left the room with papers bunched up in your arms, hoseok never asked because he didn’t want to make whatever you felt, worse. that was the last thing he wanted.

and frankly, his body betrayed him the second you touched him. he would never tell another living soul that he had to clutch his chest to calm his racing heart before leaving the copy room himself.

-

“damn, really? how much are they spending this time around?” you overhead from your cubicle and your interest peaked as you listened in carefully.

because it’s always been you.

you shake your head to forget about that right now, you were way more interested in what your colleagues were talking about.

“yeah, i didn’t believe it myself but seems like they want to do better than our rival company, so they are going all-out this time” you squinted your eyes as you tried to figure out what it could mean, and when you looked up again, they were looking right at you with a frown.

you frowned right back at them.

fine, eavesdropping wasn’t great but it wasn’t a crime either, they didn’t have to look at you like you killed someone.

they started whispering to each other as they bundled their work into their arms along with their coffee cups, heading into the break room while throwing dirty looks at you.

and you glared right back at them, leaning back and groaning as soon as they completely left your vision. you rolled back in your chair to hit against hoseok’s chair, startling him and moved your chair to his side. his figure momentarily froze as you invaded his space, before loosening up to lean into your side.

“do you know what they were talking about?” you whispered, for dramatic effect. you didn’t need to, considering that most of the people around you went for their break but hoseok played along with you anyway.

“who?” he whispered back.

you pointed, as sneakily as you could, towards the two girls who acted like you set their hair on fire by listening in on them. hoseok leaned forward, even more, to catch who you were showing and your throat closed up when you felt his breath right by your cheek.

he moved away as quickly as he had come forward but your breath stayed caught in your throat, your hands reached to scratch your neck nervously as your skin got warmer than necessary.

because it’s always been you.

“no, i wasn’t listening to them, i had my headphones in. but they look very pissed and keep pointing at you” he informed you and you took full offense to it, completely forgetting how flustered you were just seconds ago. “i listened to one conversation, only for two minutes, i swear hobi, i don’t know what that did to them, they won’t stop looking at me like i kicked their puppy.” you complained to him and he hid his grin at your whiney tone.

hoseok’s eyebrows shot to the sky as you started getting up, with obvious irritation on your face and he immediately sat up straighter, looking around to find where your eyes were throwing daggers.

“hey, you two.” he heard you say loudly, obviously directed at the two girls, his eyes widened as you pinned them down with a glare. “i don’t think this is a good idea, maybe we sh-“ he starts to say, as always, trying to defuse the situation and even tugs on the hem of your skirt to try and get your attention.

but you are running on no sleep, you have been annoyed since the second you woke up and these girls were grinding on your nerves.

“do we have a problem?” in contrast to your words, you have a polite smile on your face because you, if not anything, are professional, at least that’s what you always tell hoseok. but anyone with eyes and ears could see that you were so close to losing it on those two.

hoseok is stuck somewhere between being proud that you don’t take shit from anyone and petrified about your manager finding out.

he can only exhale in relief when you sit back down and turn to him with a smile. and hoseok smiles back easily, even if the lingering fear of your manager stays, it looked like you didn’t care so he let it go.

“so yeah, where was i? they were talking about something having a huge budget this time and how our company is competing with the rival company, that’s all i got before they left” you rambled on as if the last five minutes didn’t happen as if you didn’t just subtly threaten your colleagues and hoseok is yet again amused by you.

“i think it’s about the camping trip”

“there’s a budget for it this time?”

“yeah, didn’t you know? they are planning some fancy evening event too, i just hope it’s not mandatory to attend” he shakes his head as he says it, if he hated anything in the world, it was stuffy suits. he much preferred his comfortable style of baggy jeans and trendy t-shirts.

“i am looking forward to it, there’s this dress that i’ve been dying to wear since i got it but i haven’t had anything to wear it to” hoseok knew exactly which dress you were talking about, you had excitedly face timed him to show him the dashing hot pink dress that you got on one of your impulsive shopping trips.

hoseok has been dying to see you in the dress too.

but he can’t say anything about it, he can’t tell you all the thoughts he had the second you showed him the dress.

all he can do is smile tightly at your excitement and pray that you don’t notice anything.

because it’s always been you.

-

“they are taking forever to load these bags, hell i would do it quicker” you stand with your arms crossed, a semi-permanent scowl resting on your face that hoseok laughs at. “they are almost done, besides look at what i got” he opens his backpack wide, showing you the various snacks he packed and wiggles his eyebrows at you and you gasp in delight.

“you perfect son of a bitch” you reach out to grab some of the snacks and smile so wide at them that hoseok’s not sure if you are talking about him or the snacks.

he’s guessing it’s the snacks and he’s 100% right.

but he watches happily as you continue to gush about your favorite peach-flavored drinks and chocolates that you know you will devour immediately. somewhere in the middle of your happy trance, you glance up to catch him staring at you already with the fondest look on his face.

“what?” you ask, never really knowing how to read a room and hoseok immediately snaps out of it, shaking his head with a nervous smile.

“it just seems like you love the snacks more than me” he pretends to be hurt, cradling his chest with sniffles as fake as your eyelashes, and you roll your eyes with an involuntary smile, “that was never in question.”

and soon, after a little longer of your constant complaints about the bags, everyone started boarding the bus and you got on last, looking everywhere to find yourself a seat in the packed bus.

there were empty seats, but they were next to people that you had no interest in sitting next to, most of them would chew your ears out and you didn’t want to get violent in a moving bus. just then, you saw hoseok’s hand waving you to him and you made your way to him.

“saved you a seat” he offered, getting up and showing you the window seat which you happily settled into. “don’t you like window seats too?” you asked, fiddling with the scarf in your hands and hoseok shrugged. “on the way back, i’ll take it. for now, you relax” he sang the last line and slumped into his seat. your heart warmed at his thoughtfulness and once you caught onto how you didn’t stop staring at him, you quickly jerked your head away and leaned it onto the bus window.

the ride was bumpy, which you expected given the less-than-perfect road leading to the resort situated somewhere in the middle of the hill. your body was thrown in a different direction every time the bus took a turn and it irritated your half-asleep state, your head was starting to hurt from how many times it hit the window but one particularly harsh bump landed your head on something warm and soft.

you sighed happily and nuzzled carefully into the warmth being offered and felt a weight on the top of your head that you blissfully ignored.

because it’s always been you.

-

after another hour or so, the bus finally halts and you stir awake once you feel the weight on your head vanish, you yawn loudly as you stretch your legs under your seat and look up to see hoseok awake but he looks a lot closer than he was when you first started.

hoseok, on the other hand, was freaking out because he woke up with your head on his shoulder, both your arms tangled somewhere in the middle of your bodies, and his head was resting on yours. he almost jumped in surprise but then paused at the realization that he would wake you up.

he watches with his breath caught in his throat as you slowly sit up and move your arms around to relax them, he didn’t know what you were thinking, he didn’t want to know if it was anything remotely close to disgust.

“good morning” you gave him a tired smile and he nodded, waiting to see if you were going to say anything else but you don’t. you don’t even seem to acknowledge that you both were pressed against each other for the past hour or so, he isn’t sure how to feel about that.

“it looks lovely, doesn’t it?” you ask him, and he leans forward to look out the window. his gaze shifts to the resort where you will be staying for the next few days. you were right, it was quite lovely, it was covered with pastel flowers and had vines growing on its sides and it looked massive with a vintage touch to its exterior.

“we should get going” he mumbles suddenly, his voice unusually stoic as he hastily gets up and starts packing his coat and scarf into his backpack. “hobi, there’s no rush, half the people in the front haven’t even gotten off” you tell him, and he looks at the door to see that you were, once again, right. everyone was standing up to leave now so it was starting to get crowded at the door but hoseok couldn’t stay around you, this close, for much longer. he doesn’t trust his mind or body too much when they are with you.

so, he ignores what you say and marches down the bus length while murmuring apologies to the people he was softly pushing out of the way. you stare at him as he gets down the bus, confused and annoyed because he could have just waited and then gotten down, you would have gotten down with him but you let it go, thinking that the travel must have been exhausting for him.

you take in the view with a deep breath and an easy smile on your face, the sun was shining as bright as ever, but the wind quickly proved to be too cool for you to stay and enjoy for too long so you made your way along the rocks to the resort.

because it’s always been you.

people greeted you as you entered the cottage to which you tried to give your most professional smile, the lobby was packed with everyone you knew from work and you already felt suffocated when you pushed around to get your room key.

“a suite room?” you frowned at the lady at the reception and she nodded, you shook your head at her, there was no way your company spent that much money on you alone, there had to be a catch. you heard your manager, ms. ahn’s, voice calling out to you, to which you turned around and bowed when she approached you.

“i hope you got some sleep on that bus, we have a campfire planned in the next few hours and i look forward to seeing you there” she smiled warmly but you knew what that meant, it was compulsory to attend and you had no way out of it. “can’t wait” you answered, not trying to hide your sarcasm, “also, is everyone getting a suite room?” you asked, lifting your key.

ms. ahn looked at you like you were crazy and you hesitantly lowered your key.

“everyone is sharing a room because you know how a budget works” ms. ahn laughed heartily and you wanted to pull her eyes out because you knew for a fact that she got one of the biggest rooms there and she was staying alone. “then who am i staying with?”

“hoseok, you two seem close so i thought it best for you to share a room” then she walks away to greet the others who have arrived, your eyes land on her key while your feet stay frozen on the ground.

not only was it incredibly unprofessional for her to just assume you would be okay with sharing a room with him, but it also drove you insane that she had the best room in the entire cottage, complete with three rooms in the premium suite room all to herself.

and it wasn’t like you didn’t want to share a room with hoseok, given the choice, you would probably choose him over everyone else too, but you would have appreciated it a lot more if you had been told about this before. you didn’t particularly want to walk around hoseok in your booty shorts.

you couldn’t do anything now; you couldn’t argue with your manager nor did you want to stay with anyone else, so you sucked in a deep breath and walked to your room.

you opened the door to find a reasonably sized lounge area with a television, gaming consoles attached to it, and a singular couch, you sighed out in relief when you found two rooms in the suite instead of one like you had feared.

“i was worried about the same thing” you heard hoseok say from his doorway, “don’t get me wrong, i just prefer sleeping like a starfish at night” he plops down on the couch and pats the spot next to him, you scurry to sit down next to him and groan as you feel your muscles appreciate the softness of a sofa instead of a bus seat.

hoseok had gone as pale as a ghost when he was first told about the both of you sharing a room, he was so terrified of the thought that he had rushed to the room to check what it was like and much like you, found relief in the two separate bedrooms in the suite but there was also a tinge of disappointment he felt, that you didn’t.

because while he did not trust himself around you, he also knew that somewhere in him, a small (big) part of him would have been ecstatic to have you that close.

but he gave himself a pep talk before you arrived, he was going to do everything in his power to ignore his feelings, he was going to ignore how his heart jumped whenever you smiled at something he said, he was going to ignore that you were right next door to him, he was going to ignore all of his thoughts for this week.

-

“sometimes, i look in her eyes, and that’s where i find, a glimpse of us” a co-worker sang loudly as he strummed the guitar, his face was lit up by the crackling campfire in the middle of the circle you were all sat in.

you were not going to lie, he had a good voice and his guitar was somewhat soothing in the calm of the night but you were getting bored, the alcohol in your cup had run out hours ago and you were too lazy to go and get a refill.

hoseok, on the other hand, was having the time of his life, harmonizing with the guy who was singing and swaying lightly with the people sitting beside him. he looked happy, you noted with a smile on your face, and then it was like you couldn’t look away from hoseok.

you liked seeing him happy, you liked seeing him sway without a care in the world, you had always liked seeing hoseok, you had always liked hoseok.

but he was especially pleasant to look at today and he didn’t even do anything. he was wearing a cream cardigan with a black t-shirt and sweatpants so, it wasn’t a special look at all, just something he would wear at home too.

you couldn’t look away though, it didn’t matter that it wasn’t special, it didn’t matter that it was the most ordinary outfit you had seen him in, it didn’t matter that hoseok was only your friend. seemingly at that moment, nothing mattered more than hoseok and the fire basking his face in a glow, you weren’t sure you would ever be able to forget this hoseok.

hoseok, your friend.

because it’s always been you.

you had never looked at him this way and every laugh that left his lips made you question if you had ever made him laugh like that and if you did,

why was the sound so much more precious to you now?

why did you want to sit beside him, share the cardigan and sway with him?

why did he suddenly feel so far away?

why was your heart beating out of your chest from just looking at him?

why was this minute different from all the other hours that you’ve spent with hoseok?

you aren’t sure why your eyes tear up, you don’t even notice until your hands reach to wipe them off, you aren’t sure why everyone looked and felt so happy around you and even if nothing was wrong, you didn’t feel it. the last time you felt like this, five words had been stuck in your mind with no escape and that feeling of beautiful breathlessness had returned with a vengeance.

you take a shaky breath in, force your eyes away from hoseok and his otherworldly glow, and focus on the burning pit in front of you with more resignation than you would admit to.

unbeknownst to you, hoseok had been noticing your every move from the corner of his eyes, since you both have been sitting opposite each other, and concern for you filled his every crevice when he saw you wipe away tears, he did not know that it was because of him or for him, he had no knowledge that you had started looking at him the way he looked at you, he only knew that you were crying and he couldn’t wipe your tears away.

his eyes snap up to see you swiftly excuse yourself and leave the place with arms folded across your chest, he doesn’t even think before he hurriedly gets up himself and follows you aimlessly. you stop at the lake which was barely illuminated by the moonlight and your body stays tense as you stare emptily at the water body in front of you.

you hate the way you feel, the slow tightening of your chest was unfamiliar and uncomfortable with a realization that you weren’t ready to face.

because it’s always been you.

“his singing was that bad, huh?” hoseok stepped beside you after giving you a minute to yourself, till he couldn’t just stand and look at you, not being your usual self at all. you let out a tired chuckle and ready yourself to see hoseok, more beautiful than usual, without making it too obvious how you were looking at him.

“i wish he just stopped when his voice cracked singing jingle bells” you retorted and his loud cackle of a laugh, that you had grown to love, had filled the area and you quickly accept that you loved his sound more than any calm in the world. “it’s the middle of fucking august” you throw your hands up, your smile growing when the place rings with his laughter again.

so, you could make him laugh like they did, even louder actually, and that fills you with pride you didn’t recognize.

it all dies down to a dull hum in the atmosphere, a little too loud of silence for two people who would spend hours and hours talking.

“i like your cardigan” you blurt out, wanting to desperately fill in the silence somehow and hoseok raises his eyebrow at you with a pleased smile. “you can have it” he offers it so easily but then again; you shouldn’t have forgotten how selfless hoseok was.

“no, no” you shook your head, you didn’t want the cardigan, you wanted the man wearing it. “i meant, i like it on you” you correct yourself and swiftly glance away to look at the branches swaying lightly in the wind, even if the absence of light made you strain your eyes.

hoseok does a double-take at your words.

his entire body feels warm and he wants to run away because he can’t have you see him all flustered and flabbergasted over the simplest compliment.

could you perhaps feel the same way?

a fleeting thought comes across his mind and he instinctively turns to you for confirmation, with renowned hope but when all he meets is your eyes far away from him and the familiar disappointment he’s felt since his heart grew a second beat for you, he recoils and immediately scolds himself for even having that thought.

“don’t compliment me all too much, it will get to my head” he tries to joke but his voice comes out weird, what his face could hide, his voice really couldn’t but you don’t notice, you are busy with hiding your own face.

“i take it back, that cardigan will look better on me” you retort, you never could let someone win a round, and hoseok bites back laughter at your wittiness as he shakes his head, disagreeing with you and you gasp, because how dare he but you clamp your mouth shut as he starts shrugging the cardigan off.

you can’t help how you hold your breath when he steps forward and drapes it over your shoulders.

he nods with a smile you’ve never seen him sport before.

“it does look better on you.”

-

“and that’s five for me!” you screech excitedly after you, once again, beat hoseok at mario kart. he just sighs in faux disappointment and drops his console, though a small smile threatens to sneak on his face at how happy you sound.

“i can’t believe how horrible you are at this” you continue to tease him and hoseok doesn’t want to break your bubble by admitting that he’s been letting you win from the start.

tekken, he just made the weakest moves and didn’t dodge your attacks, he found it cute when you kept wincing in pain as your avatar took a hit or two.

racing cars, he intentionally kept bumping into the sidelines and delaying his obvious speed over you.

wwe, well, he didn’t even try for that, just pressed one button so you wouldn’t get suspicious and let you beat his avatar to a pulp.

and everyone knew hoseok was a genius at mario kart, so he let you take all the power-ups and sat back to watch you win again and again.

“i can’t believe how horrible i am at this either” hoseok really couldn’t believe how ridiculous he got over you, he never let anyone win but you, he wouldn’t even try to take a win away from you.

“that was fun, we should do this again so you can watch me beat your ass every single time” you hummed, as you fell back on the couch beside him, still giddy from winning and he scowls playfully, “as if you will win next time” he argues, knowing damn well that he will let you win next time too.

you smack his arm with a pillow and hoseok, being the dramatic guy he is, falls on the ground while clutching his arm while you hold back laughter on the couch.

you were glad you both weren’t acting any different after what happened at the campfire. that night, you got no sleep, you continuously wrapped the cardigan around you while images of hoseok’s soft voice and smile kept you up all night. hoseok already knew that he had crossed a line he never should have so as soon as you got up, he tried to act as casual as he could and convinced you to stay in and play games with him, and somewhere in the middle of the excitement of playing, the previous night slipped your mind but now, it was back.

and you were back to not being able to forget how he looked at you again.

hoseok stayed on the floor and patted the spot next to him, and without a word, you laid down next to him, and when he shifted to lay on his side so he could look at you better, your head lulls to instinctively fall on his shoulder.

you felt warm, you felt safe and you felt, as cliché as it sounds, complete.

you felt complete with hoseok.

because it’s always been you.

you meet his eyes which were already on you and both of you burst into giggles, you don’t know why you are laughing, but you were and it felt like the rest of the world closed in you two, suddenly nothing else seemed to matter other than the smile you kept on each other’s faces.

and right now as you slumped on his shoulder with quiet laughs escaping your lips, hoseok wishes for nothing more, for the rest of his life. he realizes nothing made him feel more accomplished in life than seeing you happy because of him.

you felt it too, the residual feelings of the previous night catching up with a vengeance and you had to turn your head away.

you couldn’t risk giving away how you felt about him, you couldn’t give away how your eyes were drowning him in pink, you couldn’t give away that you wanted to drown in that pink with him.

because it’s always been you.

“should i go and get us something to eat?” he finally broke the silence, but he broke it with a whisper, a whisper that traveled down your spine and made you squirm in your spot. “that would be nice, yeah” you whisper back with a gulp and your eyes stay trained on the revolving fan above you as hoseok gets up and leaves the room.

a long breath pushes out of your body, it was like every single time you were around hoseok these days, your breath voluntarily stayed fighting in your body, even your breath was scared of being found out by hoseok.

then you close your eyes and wish for your heart to stop him from taking a hold of it any longer.

-

hoseok scrolls through his phone, waiting for the food he ordered at the small restaurant beside the resort, looking through movies and shows you would like to watch while eating.

“ah, hoseok!” he heard and turned around to see his co-worker chaeyoung and her friend walking towards him, he bows politely with a smile and they do the same. “you are getting breakfast now?” she asks him when the waiter places his order on the counter and he nods, “yeah, it’s for me and y/n” he doesn’t even realize he’s smiling as he says that.

“see, he won’t go anywhere without them” chaeyoung complains playfully, narrowing her eyes at him and he tilts his head in confusion. “haha, w-what do you mean by that?” hoseok’s voice is tight as he asks this and his laugh is fake as ever.

“we were supposed to go apple picking this morning and you told us you couldn’t, we were all wondering why but obviously, you have better plans” she teases him with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

right, the apple picking.

that he never told you about.

call him selfish but after the campfire, he couldn’t resist not being around you and he also knew that you wouldn’t like apple picking so he never ended up telling you, it wasn’t just to keep you with him.

at least, that’s what hoseok likes to believe.

“i was just tired, it has nothing to do with them” hoseok tries to backtrack and make up an excuse but he knows that chaeyoung wasn’t listening to a word out of his mouth. “whatever you say, hoseok” she sang before leaving him to himself.

later, it was hoseok’s turn to stay sleepless throughout the night, his baby pink t-shirt, out of nowhere, felt too tight on his body.

because it’s always been you.

-

massages were always a good idea but with kang mina biting your ear off with reminders of all the work you have to do, you would have rather just kept your tense shoulders to yourself.

“and don’t forget to send me that update on friday, i need it on my table as soon as we go back” this was the fourth time she was telling you about it and you wanted to turn the table over her head. “yes, i remember what you told me ten minutes ago” you gritted with a forced smile and almost smiled genuinely when the masseuse got to kneading the knots in your back but it quickly dropped as mina started talking again. “well, you tend to be quite forgetful, so this is just precaution,” she says it so casually that it infuriates you even more.

where was hoseok when you needed him?

normally, you would pick a fight with her (and win) but she was your leader for this particular project and you didn’t want to risk being responsible for overtime so you just nodded stiffly and threw your head on the soft table with a thud.

a few hours since you were all called for massages and you were separated from hoseok, you were already going crazy. you truly didn’t understand the depth the hate for your co-workers ran until you spent one solid hour with them in a stuffy, warm room filled with the smell of aroma oils.

“also, how’s it going on with you and hoseok?” mina asks, her tone a lot more careful and her volume almost a whisper, you whip your head at her. “what about me and him?” you didn’t mean to sound so defensive but it came out that way. and with the way mina was looking at you, you knew your response wasn’t normal.

“aren’t you two dating? i’m just asking what it is like?” first of all, you weren’t aware that mina felt close enough to ask you about your personal life, and second of all, your brain was short-circuited as she asked that.

even though the thought of you both dating coming from another person’s mouth, sounded good to you.

what were you doing?

hoseok was your friend.

“we are not dating, i don’t know why you would think that” you quickly dismiss it and mina shrugs, “everyone thinks that” and turns her head away before you could ask anything else.

-

you walk back to your room in a daze, a daze of both the spectacular massage (that you could finally enjoy towards the end) and also rushing thoughts of what mina said.

you looked around you, the room was filled with people you knew and you wondered if she was right, you wondered if all of them, giving you friendly smiles and waves, thought that you and hoseok were exclusive.

and you weren’t sure what to feel, sure it would explain why no one would flirt with either of you, but it didn’t make you any calmer about your already unsure and raging feelings for hoseok.

speaking of the devil himself, you felt an arm crash onto your shoulder from behind, you didn’t even bother looking at who it was, you already knew.

“i swear to god, that masseuse just gave me five extra lives, his hands were magic, literally magic” he raved about his massage and you couldn’t bring yourself to excitedly share details about your massage too, you couldn’t get it out of your head that hoseok was giving them confirmation for whatever they thought.

you nervously looked back up to meet the eyes of your manager who smirked at you and hoseok’s arm around your shoulder, and maybe if you were in the right mind, you would know that she was giving her usual, employee-friendly smile, you would know that she wasn’t thinking of you and hoseok at all.

but you weren’t in your right mind, hoseok’s hand on you suddenly felt heavier than it ever did before, it held the weight of your co-worker’s whispers, it held the weight of your growing heart for him, and the heaviest of all, it held the weight of everything you were scared of ruining if you ever told him.

you were stuck between wanting to simultaneously feel this weight forever and never feel it again.

it used to be light as a feather, a pastel pink bubble you could float in, a reassurance in your demanding workplace, a friend you could count on for everything, and now, it was still all that and so much more than you could handle.

“we should go and get ready quickly, the party starts soon” your voice was odd, tight and nothing like how you talked to hoseok, none of the warmth you held for him reflected in your voice and he must’ve noticed too because his arm slowly slips away, you were left both in relief and yearning at his movement.

“is everything okay? did something happen?” he says with so much concern in his eyes, that you almost let loose of every resolve you’ve held onto and in that quick second, you could have spilled your love for him on the floor.

you loved hoseok.

you are not sure you ever loved him as a friend.

you swallow tightly, you loved hoseok, you finally admitted that to yourself while he scanned your face and body for something that could be bothering you. you would never see him like this again if you told him, you would be ruining everything if he even got the slightest hint of what you truly thought of him.

“just don’t want to be late” you offer a weak smile and walk away as hoseok starts to say something, you needed to get out, you needed to stay away before you ruined the both of you.

you needed to do everything you could to keep him in your life, even if it meant burying your heart six feet underground.

because it’s always been you.

-

you got ready in a robotic manner, styling your hair in a practiced way and putting on your favorite dress ever, and for makeup, you switched from your usual basic look to a smokey eye and dark, red lips that you hoped would give you enough confidence to just finish one more day around hoseok without wobbling at your knees.

you stared at yourself in the mirror, you looked prettier than ever, and still, something felt off. you were restless, scared of all the possibilities that would appear in the next 24 hours that you had to stay with him. nevertheless, you forced a smile on your face and decided you were going to have fun tonight and that you were going to stay far away from hoseok until you left this place.

“you ready?” a knock sounded through your door and you swallowed nervously, grabbed your heels, and made your way out.

your heels almost fell on the floor once you saw hoseok.

you had never seen hoseok so dressed up but with his classy black trousers, satin black shirt with a matching jacket on top, and a thin necklace dangling off his neck, you wanted to run back into your room and stay there until he got himself out of that outfit.

hoseok could sense the tense atmosphere, he could see the difference in the very way you breathed around him now, he could see how you shifted from foot to foot as you stood with your heels in your hands. but hoseok didn’t know how to ask you about it, how could he ask you when he too was scared of what you would say?

he wouldn’t know what to do if you said it was nothing, that the way you stared at him up and down was just a friendly appreciation, hoseok would rather carry his heart to a grave than hear you say that to him.

“i just need to put on my heels” your delayed response isn’t lost on him but he nods, pursing his lips and watching you try and push your feet into those heels that he was sure would be torturous.

he watched you struggle, hobbling on one foot as the other foot struggled to push itself completely into the heels, “fuck, they fit just last week, what the fuck happened?” you muttered, still trying to put it on with less grace than you would’ve liked.

and before you knew it, hoseok had taken several steps forward to lend his shoulder for your support and you don’t think as you grab onto his shoulder firmly, strapping the heel properly and sighing out. you shift onto the next foot and finish putting it on too, squeezing your hand around his shoulder tighter whenever you had to.

you puff out a breath of relief as you lift your head to look at hoseok again, and he’s looking down on you, his eyes swirling with something you could only describe as intense. the hand on his shoulder starts to fall away as your breath becomes shallow, but his hand quickly reaches to grip yours, making sure that it didn’t move away from his body.

because it’s always been you.

because it’s always been you.

because it’s always been you.

you opened your mouth to speak, to say something, to ask him why you had never seen his eyes that way but all words were stuck in your throat as you stay frozen in his steady glare on you.

hoseok couldn’t move his hand away, he couldn’t breathe, he hadn’t been able to even think since you stepped out of your room. he shared the confusion that you had in your eyes but something in him hit against his very surface, begging to be let out.

should he risk it?

should he risk the friendship he valued so much?

was it worth it to even give you this small confirmation of how he felt?

to make things worse for his poor mind and heart, you stepped forward too, refusing to look away and the hand on his shoulder slid down, slowly, unsurely, with a stutter in every glide but reaching to flatten against his chest at the end and his hand circled on your wrist as you paused to sense how his heart beat at that minute.

too quick, skipping a few beats here and there, and wanting to burst out of his cage.

much like yours.

because it’s always been you.

hoseok held his breath as your fingers folded against his chest, he thought he was dreaming when you started leaning in or did he lean in first? he wasn’t sure who finally tilted their head to meet each other in the middle but he knew that if you both continued moving the way you were, you were seconds away from kissing.

then, your lips closed on each other, you felt lightheaded, you felt like a trainwreck that you were waiting for, finally crashed spectacularly. he wasn’t even touching you but you could feel licks of fire beneath your skin,  your body felt the urge to touch him, to reach for him while he was this close to you. and every kiss you had before this, longer and filled with more hunger than this one, paled in comparison.

for that one second that you finally kissed him, every other yearning you had for anyone else, felt like nothing but a passing cloud and hoseok, he felt like the ever-present sky.

you wanted to grab his neck, you wanted to gasp into him, you wanted not even a bit of your body to be away from hoseok, you were drowning in pink of your love and need, you wanted to take him down with you.

hoseok’s heart was beating louder and louder, something about knowing that you could feel the way it beat for you too, made him tighten his grip on the hand that rested on his chest now.

like he wanted to tell you, ‘this is what you do to me, this is how you ruin my very anatomy, this is how i know that i can never love someone the way i love you.’

the message he wanted to convey was as desperate as he felt because now that he’s finally gotten a taste of you, he can’t go back from this, he can’t go back to anyone else, he can’t go back to pretending he never had his heart set on you.

feeling especially greedy, his other hand jerked to hold you, to finally feel you in his arms, to savor this moment properly before he could never see you in the same way again, and just like that as if every star in the sky was written against him tonight, the spell broke. you moved away so quickly, so easily slipping past his fingers that have waited to touch you like this forever now.

hoseok was left frazzled, his hand hovered in the air and his other hand dropped to his side in disappointment and his lips stayed still, already missing the warmth and he tried not to feel the drowning in him when he saw you look at him like he had stung you.

this was exactly what he was afraid to see on your face.

the regret.

the possibility of disgust.

he felt sick to his stomach.

you couldn’t believe what you had done, you couldn’t ignore how hoseok’s jaw set tightly or the faint yearning still swimming in his eyes, you knew he was too nice to say anything to you even if he didn’t want it to happen and you couldn’t believe you that you never even asked him.

“hoseok, i’m so sorry” you rushed to say and his face twisted in pain at how you said it.

the regret.

he felt it was too cruel of you to hand over the world to him and then snatch it away before he could hold it.

“i’m so, so sorry, i don’t know what came over me, it happened so fast, and i wasn’t thinking and i’m just so sorry” every word you uttered felt like a new knife digging into his skin, and he almost wanted to get on his knees and beg you to stop talking, to stop apologizing, to stop whatever it is you were doing to him.

hoseok didn’t feel like smiling and brushing it off as he usually would, maybe he would’ve even laughed it off and assured you it was okay but all he could manage to do was stand still and wish that everything before you apologized, remained true, and remained in his memory because that is all he might have now.

“let’s just go to the party, everyone must be waiting” you pushed past him in a hurry and then paused when you noticed something on his face.

the remainder of your red lips was smudged on his.

“you might want to wipe that off” you whispered, pointing to his lips with a face as red as your lipstick, before practically running out of your room, burning with guilt and shame.

and to hoseok, it felt like you were asking him to remove all evidence of whatever happened between you two.

he watched you leave with his twitching hands dug into his pockets, why wasn’t he able to utter even a word? why didn’t he stop you and ask you what it meant? why didn’t he stop you and tell you what he felt? why didn’t hoseok do anything at all except watch you walk away from whatever would change you two forever?

filled with regret, just as you, but also completely different at the same time, he wiped his lips off you and left the room too.

-

the ‘classy’ event was more or less a wild party for professionals to finally let loose and forget about work, even if it was just for a few hours. you were dragged away for drinks as soon as you arrived, and for the first time ever, you felt grateful for your co-workers who took you away.

“where’s hoseok?” chae-young screamed over the music and your blood froze, you had come to forget him and what you did, but it seemed like there was no escaping hoseok wherever you went. your answer to her was a weak shrug and chugging of the drink you held so tightly in your hands now.

knowing that it was free drinks all night, you took the liberty of downing pretty much anything and everything you saw and it wasn’t long before you ended up on the dance floor, surrounded by your drunk co-workers, your manager also joined you all at some point and maybe you would have been irritated when you were sober but you couldn’t bring yourself to care about it right now, the sweet burning in your throat took your mind off everything for a while.

that was until you caught hoseok’s eye from across the room.

normally, you would be the one standing in the corner of the room and watching everyone have fun so it was strange to see hoseok, huddled up with his coat on his shoulder and a drink completely full in his hand with an uncaring air around him, he didn’t smile at anyone who passed by which came as a huge surprise to them.

he didn’t even smile at you, though your eyes caught his multiple times.

and even if you were drunk, even if your senses were brought down to ground zero, you still felt hoseok’s glare somewhere deep in you as your heart slipped and sank continuously. you couldn’t give less of a fuck if someone was ignoring you or didn’t care about you but everything seemed different with hoseok.

all you could care about was hoseok not smiling at you.

hoseok didn’t enjoy a minute of seeing you dance around happily and not being able to dance with you, or not taking shots with you, getting silly drunk with you. he missed it all, dearly but he didn’t move.

he would’ve left but he knew about the creeps that lurked in your company and even if he smiled at them in the office, he wouldn’t hesitate to break their face if they decided to touch you any more than necessary. though he was sure that you would beat him to it. he saw you look at him, several times and a small part of him hoped that you would take him away, kiss him again, tell him that you loved him, hoseok hated you for the enormous hope you gave him with a single kiss.

his heart soared with possibilities but your apology kept him from floating too far away, it kept him tethered to solid ground, a ground where you didn’t seem to love him the way he loved you.

-

once it got too late and alcohol ran out, everyone was ushered out of the ballroom, hoseok set his half-empty glass on a nearby table and waited for you at the entrance.

you came out with flushed cheeks, hair that resembled cotton candy, and a body glazed with sweat, your steps stuttered when you saw him waiting but you didn’t say anything, he didn’t say anything. you both silently walked, you were scared of speaking and hoseok was scared of what more you could say to break his heart.

as you reached your door, hoseok got more and more impatient, with you, with himself, and the world in general.

he has waited hours, days, months, and years for you to look at him the way he looked at you but then you did, even if it was for a minute or two, and ran away before he could do anything about it.

“are you really going to not say anything?” hoseok’s voice stopped you from getting into your room.

“about what?” you breathe out, refusing to turn around and see him because you know that any restraint you have would break loose if you turned around. hoseok scoffed and for the first time ever, he felt angry with you, his heartbreak had morphed into a few ugly emotions that he could no longer contain.

you felt his anger, even many feet away, you felt it seep into your skin but you were hell-bent on protecting your current status with him and your own heart.

“nothing happened, hoseok. good night.” and just as you are about to slip into the comfort of your own room, “at least, look at me when you lie to me” hoseok’s voice was harsh, it sounded way harsher to you because it held the truth that you didn’t want to hear, at least not yet.

but you are just as stubborn, if not even more stubborn than hoseok.

so, you turned around and your knees buckled under you when you saw hoseok’s stony expression, you didn’t know that a single kiss could change someone like this, but behind all the anger, hoseok’s pain was just as noticeable.

you convinced yourself that he wasn’t in pain, that he was just confused about why you would kiss me.

“n-nothing happened, now i am tired, can i go sleep?” you crossed your arms over your chest, trying to look determined and strong but you sounded weak, your voice wasn’t as stubborn as you, it didn’t mind giving away your emotions.

with that, you pushed your door open and left it ajar, as hoseok followed you in with heavy steps, his boots thudding loudly in the otherwise dead silence of the room, the door hitting the wall as he roughly shoved himself inside your space.

he was tired of making himself small and fitting himself to whatever the situation required, he was done making space for others and not himself.

“you don’t think i’m tired? all i’ve been is tired since i’ve met you because you haven’t given me a break, you don’t think i’m tired of feeling like this, like you’re always just one centimeter away from me, like you’re always one step away from becoming mine, how you always take two steps forward with us and ten steps back? you don’t think i’m tired of holding my hopes to the sky, always just wishing that you’ll take me, that you’ll let me have you, that we’ll be something? you don’t think i’m tired of loving you when you don’t love me? do you have any idea how much i have loved you, and how much i will hate myself for loving you even after all this?” hoseok’s voice is loud and travels across the room in heavy waves that drown you, as he finally spills everything that’s been on his mind for months.

because it’s always been you.

and a glimmer of fear still crawled on him about what would happen now but he couldn’t deny how light he felt, he finally said it all.

you did the grave mistake of snatching yourself away from him after giving him you for those few minutes, and that was enough for hoseok to snap, to have you and lose you just like that broke him and he threw his pieces across the room such that they landed right at your feet.

you looked at him, shell-shocked and breathless as ever, the room felt too small for both of your hearts at that moment, yours racing in panic and his racing in anticipation and relief.

hoseok loved you.

you heard it, loud and clear.

why weren’t you saying anything back?

your entire body froze, suddenly no words would make it past your throat and hoseok waited, he waited for you to say something but when you continue to stare at the floor, he swallows and wishes he never said anything at all, he wishes he never saw you in that hot pink dress, he wishes he didn’t love you but there was nothing he could about it now, so he left but not without saying something that pulled you back to life.

“don’t say it was nothing because it was never nothing and we both know that.”

you watched him leave with parted lips and your eyes squeezed shut once the door shut behind him.

because it’s always been you.

you couldn’t deny that hoseok was right, it wasn’t nothing, if you could go back to one moment in your life, even if it changed things forever, you would back to those few minutes that you didn’t see hoseok as a friend but as a man, who you wanted and needed, you would back to that bliss of getting lost in him and him getting lost in you.

you suddenly sat up, realizing that if you didn’t like hoseok (what you’ve been convincing yourself to this whole time), you wouldn’t have kissed him, you wouldn’t have felt that urge to touch him wherever you could.

and you find how cruel you have been to him, how you have been giving him hope only to snatch it away, how you already stained him with all the pink your love had to offer and left him to deal with the stains himself.

hoseok couldn’t stand it, sitting in his room with his hands folded over his knees, it took everything in him to not rush to you and apologize and take back everything he did but he was stubborn for the first time ever, he couldn’t just ignore that you kissed him first, his ego screamed at him that it was you who started it, so you should be the one to end it and hoseok was also sick and tired of having to tip-toe around you and his own feelings.

he was done apologizing for things he didn’t do; he was done smiling and going with the flow, hoseok needed an answer from you and he was going to be hard as a nail about it, nothing could change his mind now.

hoseok was unaware of you heading his way, he jumped when he heard your knock on his door, his heart going back to beating so loudly and so quickly that he had to pat his chest to calm himself down.

he opens the door and his stomach tightens as he prepares himself for whatever you would hand over to him.

he was prepared for you to call it a mistake and request him to move on and be friends, he was prepared to be a friend again because hoseok needed you, in whichever form you would give him.

what he was not prepared for was you pushing into the room and plopping yourself down on the couch in his room with a scowl on your face, you didn’t say anything, just sat there stubbornly with words you weren’t sure you could say out loud.

hoseok noticed your heels, how they were digging into your skin and how you kept pressing into them, how your skin grew pink and blue with bruises, and with a sigh, he bent down in front of you, lifting your ankle and slowly removing the heels for you and every trail his fingers left on your skin, had you sitting straighter. his hand circled your ankle and he worked with the straps, taking his time to detach them.

your blood ran warmer than ever, your head felt dizzy and your lips pursed as you watched hoseok remove your heels, you were sure he could hear the thumping of your heart but you refused to say a word and if anyone understood how hard-headed you could be, it was him so he decided to try his luck one last time.

“i know how stubborn you are,” he said, with more fondness than he would’ve liked, “so i’m going to ask you this, for the final time, do you still think it’s nothing?” his voice was low and rough, laced with exhaustion and yearning. his hands stayed on your ankles, his fingers running circles, in hopes of making you feel what he did.

“if it was nothing, is it that hard for you to say it?” he continued.

“i can’t only look at you anymore, i need to do something, and i am not sure how that will end for us” his words stung like electricity coursing through your veins.

you wanted to kiss him again, you wanted to fall on top of him and let him have you, you wanted to give him everything he wanted. you still didn’t say anything but hoseok saw it, he saw how your face changed from resignation to curiosity, of what would happen if you gave him yourself.

hoseok felt stubborn too, so he pressed on, “i’m not going to move a muscle until you tell me what you are thinking of right now” you lunged forward, reaching to grab him but hoseok held your arms in place, he needed to hear it even if everything in him twitched to have you. “say it and i promise i will always be yours” his face scrunched as he urged you, begged you with his eyes as his fingers left your arms to cup your cheeks and you nuzzled into his palms.

“it wasn’t nothing.” you whispered like it was a secret between the two of you, like you were scared of telling him that secret.

because it’s always been you.

hoseok’s eyebrows raised in amusement at how reluctant you had been to admit to that one thing and he understood the fear you felt, of what could change between you two but now that he knew for you that you liked him too, his face broke into the largest grin as your face stayed unsure.

he leaned forward with a chuckle, fingers threading your hair back, and whispered to you, “goddamit pookie, you are making me do all the work here”, you smiled with him, your heart singing wildly, and said, “that’s how it’s going to be, will you be okay with that?”

though your words held humor, they also held all the questions you wanted to ask him.

will you stay with me when i’m being overbearing?

will you be okay with loving me because i’m deeply flawed?

will we be okay if we do this?

will you love me even if we are ever over because i don’t believe in a world in which you don’t love me?

“there’s not a single thing you could do, that i would not be okay with except kissing me and acting like it didn’t happen” you laughed loudly, partly in embarrassment and also in pure joy at how easy he made it seem. and he grinned at you.

“why?” you couldn’t help but ask.

“because it’s always been you, that my heart has betrayed me for.”

those five words, coming from hoseok, finally had meaning, they finally felt true and you have been hearing them forever but hoseok uttering them with oh so much love in his eyes, it fit the puzzle you had been trying to piece for so long now, perfectly.

a rush of relief went through you at his words, you felt reassured, you felt on top of the world and that you could conquer everything, loving hoseok and hearing that he loved you gave you that rash power.

and today, hoseok was the happiest man in the world.

“i do have something to say,” you clear your throat, finally you felt like you could say what you wanted, “maybe i’ve been ignoring it for too long, maybe you are right, maybe all of this really is not nothing but you need to know that i’m putting my heart on the line here and i’ve never done that before. so help me understand, what i feel, what you feel, i want to know it all now.” hoseok listened carefully and he could feel how much it was hurting you to love someone because it was still so new to you, his heart dipped as you voiced your request, he would give everything in him to make you understand.

“do you trust me?”

“yes” the answer is simple and quick, you would trust hoseok with your life.

“i promise to take good care of your heart, but you can do whatever you want to mine, i don’t care as long as you keep it while I keep yours” you smiled sheepishly at him, your face growing red at his careless but affectionate words.

hoseok meant it, you ruin him, destroy him, tear him apart, he didn’t care anymore, he was blinded by the veil of love you had thrown over his eyes and he never loved seeing nothing but you, more.

“i’m going to kiss you now,” your breath hitched and you stared at him with skin as hot as a furnace, “this time, you are not going to pretend like it didn’t happen, because this is happening and you won’t deny this anymore, you will never call it nothing anymore” he inched closer and closer with every word he spoke, his breath fanning over your face as you shuddered where you sat.

“i really hit a nerve by saying it was nothing, didn’t i?” you teased him and his head fell back in laughter. “i almost bust a nut pookie, never do that to me again” and before you knew it, hoseok’s lips melted into yours, your body lit up in urgency as you sat up, accommodating the way he moved his arms around you only to end up holding your face between his hands.

for everything hoseok wanted to do to you, he seemed to only want to cherish this minute that he had you, even if he was no longer afraid of you running away.

“it was everything i ever wanted” you spoke in between kisses, calling back to his earlier question that you had stayed silent for, now that you told him everything from your fear to love, you no longer wanted to stay quiet.

“good because i’ve waited too long for this” his arm finally gave into his greed and trailed on your hips where he held onto for dear life, as if your hips kept him from floating into the sky, he was desperate to prove to you that every fiber in him, every fiber that pieced him, craved for you, he was starved from being near you and doing nothing all these years.

your hands dipped into his shoulders, fingers fisting his shirt that you could no longer appreciate on him, you needed it on the floor.

and hoseok could always guess what you needed.

he refused to leave your lips as he slightly leaned back to hastily remove his shirt off his body and as soon as it was on the floor, he came rushing back in, his fingers now digging a little deeper into the apples of your cheek and your body burned from within, you felt as hot as you did the night you first heard those five words.

because it’s always been you.

you both had waited too long for this and somewhere in the middle of it all, hoseok’s hands enveloped yours and pressed it onto his chest where his heart bled freely.

“do you understand now?” he asked you.

“do you understand how i feel, do you understand how you feel?” he asked you again, he had no qualms of having to make you understand every day if he had to.

he had never looked more beautiful as he asked that, all stained with the pink of your love and eyes filled with determination to never make you doubt his or your love again.

and finally, you could tell him with confidence, “i do.”

#bts #bts fluff #bts imagines #jungkook smut #bts angst #bts smut #bts scenarios #jeon jungkook #kim taehyung #jungkook fluff #jhope fics #jhope smut #jhope fluff #bts jhope #jhope #jhope fanfic #jung hoseok #jhope pics #jhope packs #jhope lollapalooza #jhope jack in the box #namfinessed #hoseok imagine #hoseok angst #hoseok x reader #bangtan hoseok #bts fics #bts fic recs #bts smut recs

[soft-jihoonie]

I Hated You But I Want You - Chapter 2

Pairing: Chanyeol x f!reader

Genre: University AU - enemies to lovers

Warnings: none currently, may change throughout the series

Words: 927

A/N: As always, if you like the fic please like, reblog or reply! I’d love to know what you think

| 1 | 2 |

Chanyeol has sent you way too many flirty texts since you gave him your number 3 days ago, and you have to admit you’re sort of impressed by his commitment as you haven’t responded to a single one.

It’s getting annoying now though as you’re trying to focus on studying in the library, your phone vibrating consistently because Chanyeol is apparently only capable of sending a couple of words per message instead of full sentences.

You shoot an apologetic look to your table mates and pick up your phone, only to realise Chanyeol is actually calling you. You quietly ask someone to look after your things and then head out the library with your phone.

As you step outside you answer your phone, saying “What Chanyeol?”

His voice carries through the phone loudly enough you have to pull it away from your ear. Chanyeol sounds excitable when he says “Let’s meet up”

Your voice doesn’t hold the same enthusiasm, “Why?”

You can almost see the pout on his face when he responds, “Does there need to be a reason?”

You sigh, running a hand through your hair as you say, “Look, unless you wanna talk about our project, I gotta go. I’m studying and I left my stuff in the library.”

You mentally curse yourself as he says, “You’re in the library? I’ll come meet you, I’m in the cafeteria.”

“Chanyeol if you’re just coming to bug me then please don’t bother”

“We’ll work on our project I promise.”

You huff out a “fine” before hanging up and returning to the library.

Chanyeol’s promise was a lie and you should have known it would be.

You’ve exasperatedly spent the last 20 minutes trying to get him to focus on the project but he’s way too distracted. His newest distraction is a pretty girl who’s walked into the library, browsing books in the science section.

You click your fingers in front of Chanyeol’s face and snap out, “God, could you stop checking out other girls and focus!”

Chanyeol turns his attention back to you, a smirk on his face as he says, “Jealous?”

“Could you just pay attention to the project for once? I stopped studying for my exam because you promised to focus!”

Chanyeol surprisingly looks a little sheepish, “I didn’t realise you have an exam, when is it?”

“In 2 days, and I’m really not prepared.”

Chanyeol wrings his hands nervously and asks, “Do you want help studying?”

Your jaw drops open in shock and you say, “You want to help me study? You wouldn’t even focus on our project.”

Chanyeol shrugs, an apologetic look on his face, “Well this is definitely more urgent so can I at least like help by quizzing you?”

There’s nothing exactly left to lose by saying yes you decide, so you nod and pull up a practice exam on your laptop. You pass your laptop to Chanyeol and the seriousness on his face is definitely not what you’re used to.

You spend the next hour running through practice exams with Chanyeol, and he surprisingly manages to stay serious the whole time.

Chanyeol asks you a question and your mind blanks, you can’t for the life of you remember the answer.

You’re visibly getting frustrated at your inability to remember the answer, and it surprises you when Chanyeol’s hand reaches out to squeeze yours reassuringly.

Despite your dislike for him, you feel yourself relax at the feeling, especially when he says, “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t remember, it just means you know to study more in this specific area!”

You nod, taking a deep breath before responding, “You’re right, let’s move on.”

Chanyeol nods, his hand lingering for a bit longer before he finally lets go and goes back to scrolling through your laptop. You ignore the slight sadness you get when he lets go, putting it down to the fact you’re just stressed.

By the time it hits evening, you’ve studied hard to the point where you’re feeling much more confident, and Chanyeol stayed focused the whole time.

You stretch your arms up as Chanyeol slides your closed laptop towards you, not noticing how his gaze runs over your body. Turning to him as your arms flop back down, you say, “Uh, thank you for today, it was really helpful.”

Chanyeol shrugs, picking up his backpack and responding, “It’s no biggie, I’m sure you’ll smash your exam now.”

A little smile appears on your lips as you pack away your things and you’re about to respond when you realise Chanyeol is no longer looking at you. Following his gaze, you see he’s found the girl from earlier again.

He doesn’t look back at you as he stands and says, “Gotta go, see you in class.”

It’s definitely not sadness you feel as you watch him approach the girl, her grinning up at him and touching his hand on the table. The bitterness is just because you dislike his behaviour towards girls, right?

Shaking your head to rid it of any thoughts, you pick up your bag and head out of the library to go home. What Chanyeol does with other women is none of your business, all you need to focus on is your exam and your project with Chanyeol.

Your project that he somehow yet again managed to avoid working on with you. It’s hard to be mad though, he spent hours helping you study. Chanyeol feels so hot and cold, helpful one moment and disregarding you the next.

No wonder everyone complains about working with him.

#chanyeol #chanyeol x reader #chanyeol fanfic #exo fanfic #chanyeol x you #park chanyeol #fanfiction #chanyeol fanfiction #exo fanfiction #university au #enemies to lovers

[yukidragon]

I know it's annoying and you need to take some time but....When will there be a new episode of Sunshine in hell?

I’m sorry that it’s taking so long to update Sunshine in Hell. I actually wanted to have chapter 7 ready for the anniversary of when the demo was first released, which was a year ago today. Unfortunately I keep letting myself get distracted from making as much progress as I would like.

Between IRL distractions, all the projects I’m working on, my health, and trying to get all the asks in my inbox answered in a timely manner, I’m trailing along.

Admittedly, I’m getting pretty distracted by all these headcanon posts lately. I mean... all you lovely askers send me such interesting questions that make me generate all sorts of ideas for AUs, theories, and headcanons. I’ve written so much in these posts, but I’m afraid the focus I put into them, especially in the longer posts, does pull my attention away from the main series I’m working on.

I want to answer everyone in a timely fashion, but I only have so much energy in a day I feel bad that there are about 30 asks sitting in my inbox and it’s taking me a while to get to them all. Sorry to everyone that it’s taking me a while to get to your ask.

I don’t want to discourage these asks! I love all the enthusiasm and so many kind words. It really does encourage me to keep going. I especially appreciate all the love I’ve gotten for my writing and Alice. It really makes me very happy, and it’s so fun thinking about these things. A lot of these questions have helped me build up the story of Sunshine in Hell behind the scenes. I’ve even written bits of scenes that appear in future chapters because of them.

You know what, to make up for it, and to accomplish my goal at least in part, how about I show a teaser of the next chapter? It’ll be a few paragraphs of the rough draft and hopefully the full polished chapter will be up sooner rather than later.

As a reminder to everyone, this story is for Adults Only. Things get very explicit in this story at times. There’s some spice even in the start of chapter 7 because Jack is a thirsty, thirsty yandere, and he’s still having some pretty perverted thoughts about his sunshine even after his lewd escapades in chapter 6.

I hope you enjoy the teaser. Happy Sunnyversary and thank you for being so polite and patient with me.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore    

...

A dream. That’s all it should have been, but Sunny Day Jack was still there when Alice woke up the next morning. His tentative knocks at her bedroom door jolted her awake in a way her blaring alarm couldn’t.

“Sunshine?” Jack asked, his voice slightly muffled through the closed door. “Are you awake yet?”

Oh, Alice thought distantly. I guess this really is a thing now.

A weary sigh escaped Alice as she dragged herself upright, flinching as the harsh sunlight jabbed into her closed eyelids despite her blinds shielding her from the brunt of its unforgiving glare. She rubbed her eyes as she turned away from the light before fumbling to snatch up her phone and silence the obnoxious ringing.

Another knock came as Alice stifled a yawn behind her hand.

“Alice?” Jack asked, his voice tentative. “May I come in?”

Alice considered it for a moment before sighing again. A part of her wanted to just go back under the blankets and just sleep through all her problems a little while longer, but it felt too awkward to just leave her new roommate waiting for her. “Sure, go ahead.”

When the door opened to reveal Jack, backlit by the hall light, Alice almost had to look away. The bold primary colors he wore were almost too much for her to take in so early in the morning.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Jack said with a smile even more dazzling than his colors. He lit up at the sight of Alice after so many hours without her. She looked adorable while blinking her bright blue eyes at him blearily, her nearly white hair fluffed out like a cloud around her head. He admired how the oversized t-shirt she wore hung off her shoulder, allowing him a tantalizing glimpse of her pale skin while the rest of it draped over her curves. When she stretched her arms above her head, her arched back drew his gaze to her chest, particularly two little nubs poking through the thin fabric. The motion also raised the edge of her night shirt, allowing him to see that her shorts had ridden up, offering him a gorgeous view of her juicy thighs along with the rest of her bare legs.

For a moment Jack could only drink Alice in. His sunshine was just so innocent and vulnerable, utterly oblivious to how alluring she looked in that moment. The fantasies he had the evening before came rushing back to him, now fueled by the delicious sight before him that he feasted on greedily. So much more of her creamy skin laid bare before him, waiting to be kissed, licked, and devoured by his hungry mouth. He wanted to sweep her into his arms and get a taste of those pretty pink lips that beckoned to him, to pin her down to the bed and strip her of those flimsy garments so that he could show her just how much he loved and needed her.

Jack forced those indecent thoughts away with a harsh mental slap across the face before his sunshine possibly caught wind of where his mind went. He thought that he had burnt off all his excess restless energy last night, but seeing Alice displayed before him in such a state sent a surge of electricity through his body, and he struggled to keep himself grounded.

“Mornin’,” Alice said around a yawn that she hid behind her hand, her voice hazy with fatigue. “Sleep okay?”

Jack had to take a second to register what she said, but he bounced back quickly with a smile.  “Sure did. Best sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

“Mm, good,” Alice mumbled as she rubbed her face.

“How about you?” Jack asked, eager for a distraction from his inappropriate thoughts. “Did you sleep well? Have any interesting dreams?”

Just the one I’m living, Alice thought before shaking her head. “I slept okay.” It barely felt like any time had passed since she crawled into bed, but at least there were no nightmares.

“Glad to hear it,” Jack said as he slipped into his familiar cheerful role. “A good day starts with a good night’s sleep.”

Alice wondered if that was a quote from an episode of the SunnyTime Crew Show or an inspirational poster Jack saw once. Hell, he might have had inspirational posters made of him that were now stashed away in someone’s garage or the wall of some vintage media collector’s wall. Regardless, she supposed this was the sort of thing she had to look forward to now that she was living with a children’s TV show host.

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #My Writing #Ask

[escape-from-arcadia]

To The Ends of Our World: Prologue and Chapter 1

A Pre-Canon Douxie-centric Wizards Fic

A wicked king, a runaway sorceress, and a young boy... Ever since the disappearance of his mother left him under the care of Master Wizard Merlin Ambrosius, Hisirdoux Casperan has tried to be a good child. He is diligent in his work and studies, and his boundless enthusiasm for all things magical never wavers. All he hopes is that one day his efforts will be enough to become a master wizard himself and bring his mother back home. But on his thirteenth birthday, everything changes. Sudden flashes of memories that occur at seemingly random times and secrets Douxie's mother tried so desperately to keep hidden begin to spill out into the light. Douxie is starting to uncover a plot far greater than anything he ever could have imagined, but can the young apprentice evade the people trying to keep him from learning the truth of his mother's disappearance? What is it that they're trying so desperately to keep hidden? And will Douxie like what he finds?

General content warning for dark themes (abuse, mild gore, violence, depression). More tags will be added to the AO3 work as the story is written since most don't appear until later in the work. However, you can expect content involving torture, suicide, and a major (and a minor) character death in future chapters. There may be other untagged things that I haven't thought of yet or planned on.

Hi.

I'm back.

Maybe.

Long Convoluted Author's Notes Under the Cut:

I'm not doing particularly well (guess who got a mild case of Covid a week before winter break? lol), but here to say I've started a new fic. I like writing angst when I'm sad. And this slightly convoluted pre-Wizards origin story came to me in a dream. I planned most of it out, wrote the prologue and a few chapters, published it, and realized that since all of my content is now on archive-lock, I should probably promote the fic here.

So here we are.

No update schedule.

No minimum (or maximum) chapter word count.

No clue when it ends.

No beta.

We ball.

So this story doesn't have a hidden meaning or big message you should get by the end of it. It's just an angsty mystery drama with some cliches just because. And the ending (I know what the ending is for once, yes) is very cliche and annoying because it lets me say "Nothing is stopping me from making this canon!" Anyway...

You'll get to see a take on a younger Douxie and Merlin's very...complicated relationship with him. You'll see another interpretation of how Douxie and Archie meet!! You'll see a 17-year old Zoe!!! You'll meet two (2)!!! OCs I suddenly came up with while planning out this story!!!!!! One is a mean lesbian and the other is a cool cleric!!! You'll also see Douxie's mom!!!! Because she is very plot-relevant!!!

I was scared of publishing this fic because compared to a lot of the stuff I've written before (especially coming out of ADAU - I still owe y'all posts), this is much darker. I've written stories about time loops and the inevitability of death and somehow the existentialistic dread I got from writing that left me less unsettled than this fic. To be fair, I'm not working with a beta so this might actually be a lot lighter than I think it is. But compared to my other works, it is...a few shaders darker.

If you do read the fic, I'd be really glad to hear your feedback and comments. Yell at me if there are typos (because stars know I'll miss something as I'm editing). Ask me questions. And if you think there is something there that needs to be tagged, please let me know; I'll add it to the AO3 work tags.

All this is to say that I am very grateful if you managed to read this entire post. Thank you for bearing with me and this blog being...something. It's been abandoned and resurrected several times, and my relationship with this fandom is still a little bit funky. But hey, I've learned to make stuff for myself and on my own time. And if this content isn't your particular cup of tea, you can always not read it. And this blog is just for fun, no pressure to make content, so yeah. I'm going to have fun on the internet.

I guess I'm back.

P.S. I am yearning for more people I can share these darker fics/AUs with, but I'm also very anxious and very busy. Just saying, if anyone has Discord (or a server) and/or doesn't mind sporadic appearances that may or may end up leading to very long conversations, my DMs are open.

#tales of arcadia #to the ends of our world #wizards toa #wizards tales of arcadia #tales of arcadia fic #hisirdoux casperan #ananonswriting #abuse mention tw #depression mention tw #violence mention tw #death mention tw #suicide mention tw

[nightcase]

Tag yourself as:

Tag yourself as one of my personas/moods

*******

Oldest Sibling: Chaotic and unpredictable- chill one moment, irritable the next. You really need quiet, but you get loud in the rare times when it is. You can be really funny and witty, but are also very tired. You probably have gifted kid burnout syndrome. You usually have a mug of cold tea, and live in a comfortable yet aesthetically pleasing witch dress. Your siblings are easily annoyed by you, but also think you're really cool. They don't really *get* you and your quirks, but you don't really understand them either.

Leading man: Got casted as a main character of your opposite gender in the school play, and got hit by an *unexpected bout of gender identity crisis*. This was forgotten but left unresolved once the play eventually ended. You live in sweaters and trousers, with your hair tousled and your button down only partially tucked. You have probably ran into a public place with a prop sword, prepared to do...something, but you forgot what it was upon entering said public place. Now you look like a fool, but it's okay because you also look like a hot twink and hence have no fear or shame. You look and feel like someone's 'poor little meow meow', and you love it.

The Bone Witch: The reputation you were given by the straight people at school. They say you steal bones and haunt nightmares- you mostly aren't complaining. After all, your ears are pointed, and your canine teeth are indeed sharper than average, and your leather-bound journal does look like a spellbook...but you aren't really goth or emo, you're just...too anxious to speak, so the next best option is to look mysterious enough that people speak to you instead. You probably walk with your head held high and your lips pressed into a firm line- what else are you meant to do?

Somewhat Dipper: You are definitely not a child, but a welcomed bit of childhood clings on. You were the kid with the book about cryptids, with that boundless enthusiasm about finding a 'real live monster!'. Nowadays, you're a skeptic- after all, you never got that epic Gravity Falls summer, and you've lived in Oregon your whole life. But a part of you still hopes...and on summer nights, in your flannel, hiking boots, and pine tree hat, you can sit on the roof under the Big Dipper and let a part of yourself believe that the airplane in the sky is a UFO.

Ink stained hands: You stay up until ungodly hours on weeknights, working and working on a new passion project. It'll likely be set aside by sunrise, hated by afternoon, and completely forgotten by the next day. But it isn't about the project so much as the feeling- of an endless flow of ideas, of magic flowing through your veins and to your fingertips, manically sticking things to a map that's really a moodboard in your mind. The full moon seeps through your curtains as you work by candlelight, brought to life by this dreamlike shadowtime where anything is possible. The illogical is logical, the wrong is right, the ugly is beautiful. It's surreal, strange, and you hardly remember it come morning- but you know it happened, you can tell by your ink stained hands.

Manic pixie dream girl: This is not me, but it is what I've been mistaken for. Perhaps it is you. Perhaps you have curly hair, pretty but unconventional clothes, and bring perspectives no one considered. Perhaps you are impulsive and bold and do as you please. Perhaps a boy and a girl both fell in love with you, and perhaps you liked them back.

(I did not reciprocate, and hence became more like their manic-pixie-repressed-memory.)

*******

Might add on to this later, as there's a lot more

#tag your aesthetic #aesthetic #tag yourself #tag yourself game #choose your aesthetic #types of boys #types of girls #types of people #who are you #tag meme

[sukirichi]

jujutsu kaisen characters as students in high school: (non-canon AU)

featuring: itadori yuuji, fushiguro megumi, gojo satoru, getou suguru, & ryoumen sukuna notes: some parts include you as their friend, or even their high school love! (this is unedited/ not proofread)

masterlist ! requests are open 

𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐉𝐈

he’s not the brightest bulb, but he makes up for it through hardwork and enthusiasm

yuuji is literally that classmate everyone is just friends with

the type who waves with a smile, saying “good morning!” the moment he walks through that door

with that being said, since he’s everyone’s friend, i headcannon that yuuji doesn’t really have a best friend because he’s so open and available to everyone it’s hard to have just a one on one conversation with him

not to say he’s always surrounded by a crowd that you can’t get near him, but everyone likes talking to yuuji

he just fits in so well and understands people 

kind of like how he easily clicked with junpei (please, i miss him, i still can’t believe that he’s...you know...)

whether it’s the guys raving to him about sports

or girls shyly talking about their crush on class or about that new shojo manga

yuuji is open to anything and everyone. this boy wears his heart on his sleeve and he’s honestly such a precious boy, please be kind to him <3

the type of student that gets called to answer in class but isn’t shy to admit he doesn’t know the answer while rubbing the back of his neck

he does pay attention tho

i think it’s canon that yuuji is a dedicated man, like from that time he just watched movies straight and kept his cursed energy controlled so the cursed corpse would stop hitting him

overall, yuuji is a very hard working student! 

he wouldn’t get over the top grades, but he’s really proud of himself (and he should be!)

also that one kid in class that is surprisingly good in sports despite his lanky figure and laid back persona, because all the other sports-craved people are always flexing or challenging other captains 

but plot twist, this boy is ripped and very, beautifully kept in trim

yeah he’s not really into club activities that much

not because he hates them, but he’s just not that into it. he’s more than glad to join in whatever activities though and enjoys them, but if asked what he’d like to do, it wouldn’t be that first thing that came to mind

in conclusion: itadori yuuji is the class sunflower that lights up everyone’s day  🌻

yuuji’s role: the hard worker! 

𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈

hands down, megumi is THAT student

if you’re volunteering in the library, you can sure as hell guarantee you’ll see megumi there

he doesn’t like studying in class because it’s too noisy, so if he’s in school, you’ll always see his name in the library logs

he’s that kid that aces all exams

the type to scowl when he sees a 96% mark because he’s expecting a perfect mark

okay before you come at me, i’m not saying megumi is that annoying smart kid in class that goes, “Oh, I’m so dumb, just a 96?”

no he’s more frustrated at himself because he knows he studied hard and lost sleep over it. he’s just wondering where he went wrong. he has literal note cards and customize flash cards on an app on his phone, waking up every four am and probably taking supplement classes after regular school hours

i headcannon that megumi is someone who always wants to do his best and actually goes through lengths to prove his worth

maybe it stems from having the need to show who he really is and what he’s capable of

but yeah i can totally see him doing that

also that cute student that keeps visiting the cafe every saturday morning, wearing a black hoodie and headphones tucked in, his pretty hands nestling over a book

he looks like a gamer but honestly i don’t think he’s got time for that lmao

would also be that guy people find hard to approach because of his quiet and reserved self

he’s pretty intimidating too

definitely sits beside the window at the back of the class. you can’t fight me on that

just because he’s smart and loves studying, it doesn’t mean he’ll sit on the front row and raise his hand every damn second

the teachers will encourage him to participate in class a little bit more, especially after seeing he’s awkward during group activities, but megumi just really prefers to do things by himself

i also headcannon him eating in the cafeteria like everyone else instead of having his alone time during a rooftop? like idk i can’t picture megumi completely isolating himself like that

he blends in well in a way that you know he’s just like everyone else; a human

but he also stands out in the manner that he’s a lot more introverted and reserved compared to everyone else

surprisingly good during sports and relay games

100% reliable

the type to stay up at midnight to finish a group project, sighing because his groupmates doesn’t care as much as he does, but turns it in anyway the next day

he’d be annoyed at them, but he doesn’t really like confrontation so he doesn’t out them to the teacher like that

but he’s also not someone who lets people walk over him, so he’ll simply say something about his groupmates becoming more responsible and to be serious for once as a “warning”

and yeah, he may be closed off, but once you get really close with him (even better if you have similar interests) you’ll find there’s a lot more to him than what you’ve originally seen and he’s actually a pretty great friend and supportive classmate

would teach you instead of just letting you copy his work or snap pictures of his notes

ugh he’s so responsible and morally right and that’s so attractive help

in conclusion: fushiguro megumi is the hidden gem  💎

megumi’s role: the intellectual outsider!

𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔

man...i don’t know how to start this

i’ve said this about megumi, but gojo is also that student

no, in fact, he’s THE student

everyone loves him. literally everyone

the teachers? smitten

his classmates? in love

the school guard? calls him by his first name

the cleaning lady? turns into a star with the way she lightens up when he’s there

the cafeteria staff? yeah free food because he’s gojo satoru

gojo is what i like to call the “one who has it all” because....well, he kind of does

he’s really smart and talented, which comes as a surprise to everyone in the first day of school when he nearly gets kicked out for falling asleep in class

only for everyone to be shocked that he knows the answer already and the teacher is only discussing chapter 1 lmao

yeah he’d be that kid who always sleeps in class

or is playing games on his phone behind an open textbook

he literally doesn’t listen to what the teacher is saying at all - or at least that’s what he wants you to think

man is a god at multitasking and his seatmate would snicker because he’s crushing his enemies at a phone game, but then gojo coolly corrects the teacher about history or something

he’s pretty laid back tbh

but when he’s got everyone’s attention on him? ofc he’d show off

basketball meats are wild. even students from neighbouring schools would visit just to see gojo play - and he’s not even an official member! the coach just asked him to replace a sick player but boy won that champion shot

omg BASKETBALL PLAYER GOJO I CAN’T

but he pretty much excels at everything

except cooking class, gosh, don’t ever bring this man anywhere near a fire. that’s probably the only thing that really got him to detention this time because he always somehow talks himself out of getting that red card with his words and charm

also that kid that would receive lots of confession letters, chocolates, and random gifts in his shoe lockers

he knows he’s handsome and he’s not shy about it. in fact, he’s shameless when it comes to his allure on people

but he also doesn’t really date anyone (it’s canon this man won’t stay loyal to a single woman lmao)

if he and megumi were classmates, they’d be sort of rivals

megumi would always come on top of class, but gojo is just a breath away from the former’s perfect marks. if it only weren’t for megumi’s squeaky clean record and reputation - whereas satoru’s is TAINTED as heck - and the fact that gojo doesn’t really study as much as gumi, then yeah he’d also be top of the class if he wanted to

on a much more serious note,,,gojo acts like nothing really bothers him and he’s simply that effortless

but i feel like he grew up with tutors from a very young age and that’s how his natural intelligence was just further improved and increased with that type of environment in his childhood

and unlike megumi, i don’t think gojo would really have a set goal in mind on who he wants to be or what he wants to do in the future

he’d just be enjoying the moment <3

in conclusion: gojo satoru is the effortless god!

satoru’s role: the lazy king everyone is envious of 

𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔

the playboy

you can’t argue with me on this one

he just is, i feel it deep in my SOUL he just is

moment he walks in, all classy and suave aura and all, you can honestly smell and taste the amount of confidence that drips from him

probably came from a well-off family

probably the mayor’s kid lmao and he’s been used to the attention ever since he was young

much like megumi, he’s not really the type to show off his intelligence

and similar to gojo, people are surprised he’s actually got them brain cells just because everyone is more focused on his appearance first

like who would expect this tall hunk beautiful beast of a man with long hair and piercings actually liked classic novels and could effortlessly recite sonatas and poems in different languages

yeah i headcannon that getou is an intellectual, cultured man

ofc having long hair and piercings isn’t allowed in his school, but because he’s geto and the school knows about his family’s influence, they just let it slide

probably comes late to school too

he eats in the cafeteria, but you don’t really see him indulge much. some days, he’ll have his own fancy bento box prepared by a family chef, but geto is actually pretty simple and humble that he also buys packed bread or canned coffee 

takes the library volunteer by surprise when he drops by one friday after class to borrow an old classic novel that even your professors had a hard time analysing

but geto’s like, “oh this? yeah i last read it when i was thirteen, thought i’d read it again”

IDK WHY but I can see him as sort of breaking the rules when it comes to the school uniform

top three buttons of his shirt open when he’s feeling hot or something

doesn’t really keep his tie that tight too

but overall, geto is a composed and well-put together guy

i just can’t picture him slacking when it comes to his appearance, he’s too fancy and pretty for that

he’s also similar to megumi in a way people find it hard to approach them, but most definitely, geto also receives confessions often 

i can see him dating someone after being interested in someone in school and actually being serious with them unlike gojo

then they would be “that” couple that’re just so couple goals

not the type that goes overboard with pda and pulls off the angry face emoji when they hear someone talking about them and they’re like, “NO HE’S MINE”

okay that’s cringe but i legit witnessed that way too many times in high school yall cant blame me lmao

but they’d be more like the chill laid back couple that supports each other in everything and you can just tell they have a happy, healthy relationship

(oh to be getou’s girlfriend in high school and his first love and all his firsts)

in conclusion: getou suguru is the unpredictable!

getou’s role is: that one classmate you really admire but he’s so far out your league but he’s genuinely a good guy anyway so you’re happy for him no matter what <3

𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀

okay okay hear me out but...the stoner

i really can’t see him any other way guyssss

and if you’re his classmate, you most likely wouldn’t see him that much either

dude is like 2-3 years older than everyone in class and he doesn’t give a shit about it

he’ll come like...once a week, if he’s in the mood enough

teachers don’t even bother scolding him for his tattoos anymore because there’s rumours going around he’s the son of a yakuza leader or that he’s a gangster who sells organs or some creepy dark stuff

ofc he doesn’t do that

he just does drugs and gets drunk at most

sukuna doesn’t really have that much friends either. yeah he parties with people and often gets high with some older kids, but he doesn’t genuinely enjoy their companies either

would totally come to school with his uniform unironed

red-eyed from his high and naps at the back of the class, making the teacher soften their voice in fear of waking him up

also doesn’t have a pen or paper

i mean...he doesn’t even bring a bag

fails the exams all the time, making him repeat year by year, and he’s even known for beating his senpai up for something stupid and sending the guy to a hospital where he stays for two weeks

but on the other hand

he’s also freakishly attractive and surprisingly easy to talk to

you probably bumped into him one time and you profusely apologize, but then he notices something about, something odd like, “did you just cut your hair?”

“uhm yes...you noticed?”

sukuna shrugs lazily, “noticed something was different, but whatever. it looks good on you though.”

he’s just soooo nonchalant most of the time, it’s hard to believe he’s actually pretty violent

but yeah this man has anger issues i’m sorry

but with that speaking, i actually don’t see sukuna as a bully with like a gang of his “followers” or that type of jazz

he’s more like the kid that hides under the bleachers or gets high in a storage room while everyone else is occupied with school festivals

it’s a shock he even came, but sukuna just says “free food is always a gift” but ofc it’s not free food...he just steals from the stalls

now here comes the fun part

so now that we know sukuna pretty much is a hopeless case...suddenly, he isn’t? maybe he meets you, the class volunteer who goes out of their way to visit his shabby apartment just to hand him his class work that he’s missed out on

he obviously disses you at first and ignores you, telling you to get lost

but somehow your kindness and persistence has him breaking

now he starts coming to school often, carrying a pack of gum or mint pops because he smells like weed and he’s slightly conscious of himself

this is supposed to be just them being students in high school, but i could honestly sukuna changing colors once he just gets a better grasp of what would be good for him

or maybe something finally interests him and gives answers to his silent questions

i feel like he’s such a troubled kid and just lacks proper care and attention, but once you become his friend and show him you don’t have bad intentions, he’s actually a loyal and decent guy

and when you two finally get close, you eventually gain enough courage to tutor him. sukuna is actually pretty smart too, he just doesn’t like studying, but when you compliment him, oh man, he melts

“yeah, you actually got that right! i told you you could do this!”

tsk,” he scoffs, “that’s all kindergarten shit.”

“if it is, then why haven’t you graduated?”

“shut the fuck up.”

although he sneers, you and sukuna have gotten close enough that you know both of you don’t mean anything bad behind those words and it’s all light hearted teasing

oh and when you ask him to take a picture with you for “high school memories?”

sukuna is disgusted

“get that thing away from my face - did you just take my photo?”

“yeah, you look pretty cute here! i’m so printing this and putting this in my album.”

sukuna is about to scold you even more, but the thought of you putting your photo together - even when he’s frowning in the picture - in something as sentimental as a photo book really has him softening up

would even try - keyword is try - to study more just so you’d stop frowning when you see his paper covered in red marks all over again

and he’d even try cutting down on his weed for the sake of his “health”

ofc he won’t suddenly - or ever, even - become the amazing student megumi is

he’ll still get into trouble because he’s impulsive and has poor coping skills, also he’s not good with words or dealing with his emotions

but on his good days, he’s a pretty funny guy

it just takes a lot to see that side of him, but it’s worth the time and patience

also i was expecting to write funny scenarios or imagines of stoner! sukuna because he’s too high to even hold a proper conversation sometimes but all i got is him saying weird words like “snail trap” or something when you ask him how his day is

would also have that garbled little laugh when he’s so out of it

sukuna will try to be better though, you just need to be patient him

but my GOSH when he finally graduates

he’s going to hide that little smile because deep down, he’s also pretty proud of himself and how far he’s come <3

lol now this makes me want to writer a high school au lololol

in conclusion: yeah he’s the stoner with a good heart 

which is so not canon...this shouldn’t even be a headcanon we know ryoumen sukuna is PURE EVIL but oh well maybe when I’m down from my sukuna high I’ll write him a lot more canonically

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jjk headcanons #gojo satoru #ryoumen sukuna x reader #ryoumen sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna #jjk sukuna #jjk gojo #gojo imagines #gojo satoru imagine #gojo satoru headcanons #itadori yuuji imagines #itadori yuuji headcanons #jjk itadori headcanons #fushiguro megumi #megumi #fushiguro megumi headcanons #fushiguro megumi imagines #getou suguru #getou suguru headcanons #jjk getou suguru imagines #jjk getou suguru headcanons #jjk imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen fluff

[redrosesartcabin]

So yeah, I wrote the thing based on an anon message for @itsme-star

I made it a Barley x (female) reader (based on my self insert character) fanfic ‘cause I had to be a little self indulgent lmao

I hope you enjoy it! It turned out longer than I had planned xD

——————————————————

The double-decker couch

Barley x (female) reader fanfiction

———

Around three months ago:

Y/n’s boyfriend, Barley Lightfoot, had knocked on her window… with small stones… in the middle of the night:

At first her ear just twitched and the noise had mashed with the dream she was having, but the more the noise repeated, the more her consciousness felt pulled into the physical realm again, and with a groan, she had to face the reality that the noise would not stop until she got up (she already had a suspicion as to who was causing the noise).

With a heavy sigh, y/n forced herself from under her comfortable blanket, before ripping the window open.

‘Of course it’s him’, she thought, looking down at Barley as he waved his hands up at her, somehow wide awake.

‘How much energy can a person have?’, she asked herself, before she motioned with her hands, that she’d come outside.

“What in the world are you doing here?”, she asked as she arrived, whisper-yelling at him.

“Well you know how it is my lady: sometimes one just drives around at night after finishing a campaign of quests of yore and sees the poster of a double-decker bus and then one might think: ‘Wouldn’t it be cool if one could have a couch after that structure?’ After having had thought about a new couch for a while and ‘wouldn’t it be cool, if one might be able to build that with their girlfriend?’”

“I can’t say I relate, though I am impressed by one having the idea”, she said, deliberately accentuating the word ‘one’, as she couldn’t now but smile at her beautiful dork, “And I have to say I love the idea, though I still have to decide whether it was worth waking me up at three a.m… but for now I’ll just say yes, because I love you too much to be mad at you for this”

“I know: I’m irresistible”, he winked, pulling her closer to him and engaging her in a sickeningly romantic kiss.

“As nice as this is, I would still like to catch up on some sleep. We’ll write later and you tell when we should start building”

“I actually thought… you know… that maybe now-”

“Don’t push it”

“Right”

Now:

It hadn’t been easy. First they had to scavenge several junkyards for old couches (because let’s be real: They were both poor college students and buying material or new couches just was too expensive), who weren’t completely busted. Then they had to figure out how to build the thing.

After studying art for a while, where y/n had to do a bunch of installation projects, she had gotten significantly better at building things with woods and such, though she still wasn’t an expert. And whilst Barley also got crafty from time to time, he also wasn’t a master.

But somehow, after sweat, and even a couple of tears after y/n once got her hand stuck under one of the couches, they had finished it: The double decker couch.

“This-”, Barley said, pointing his finger at it, “This is beautiful”.

It was a yellow and a green couch, connected through metal poles and stabilized with old wood planks with two ladders placed on top of it and just enough space between the couches, so that one could sit up straight. It sort of looked like a bunk bed, but with couches.

“It is. It really is”, y/n agreed, looking at her bandaged hand, “totally worth busting my hand”

“Totally worth going through every junkyard in the city”, Barley added.

“Totally worth being awake once for 48 hours”, she added as well.

“This should be awarded some kind of price… maybe I’d also just be happy for some money for a wellness weekend ‘cause my back could really need a nice massage”, Barley groaned, touching the small of his back.

“Hard agree”

They stayed standing there for a while, looking at it, before y/n occurred a question that should’ve occurred to her much sooner.

“So-uhm-”, she started, “what do we actually do with it now?”, she asked

“Sit on it of course. You sit below and I above so I can feed you grapes like you’re a roman emperor”, Barley explained matter of factly.

“That sounds lovely darling but that’s not what I mean”

“What seems to be the issue then?”he asked, a little frustrated. What could she possibly have to say now? After so much hard work?

“I mean… where do we put it?”, she asked with a sincere expression which immediately washed away his annoyance, “because it certainly won’t stay in my parents basement”, she stated.

“It’s certainly more worthy than this old, dusty room with your family's junk. And also because this place is crawling with bugs that I will have to remove every time because you’ll just screech and run away until it magically disappears”

“Hey!”, y/n interjected

“It's true!”

“Ok yeah fair enough, though seriously- where? I also can bet’ya we can’t put it anywhere in our homes either. It probably barely fit under the ceiling”

“Yeah no”

A moment of contemplative silence spread across them.

After a while, Barleys thoughts wandered to the night where he had gotten the idea. He thought about his beloved car-

‘OH. MY. GOD. That’s it!’, he thought to himself.

“I got it!”, he then yelled excitedly, his face contorted into one of the most adorable expressions y/n had ever seen anyone wear. No matter what it would be: She couldn’t but say yes to that smile.

Still she asked, “What’ya got?”

“You know how I got my idea from a poster with a double-decker bus?”, he asked her, still smiling like he had won the lottery

“Yes?”

“And you know how I have a van, right?”

“No”, she answered sarcastically, “I know absolutely nothing about your most prized possession of a van that you called Guenivere the second after you sacrificed your first Guenivere when on a quest-”

“Ok I got the gist”, he chuckled, “but ok hear this: Since I have this wonderful van, this wonderful BIG van-”

“Wait a minute: You really want to put the couch in-”, she interrupted as she realized what he was saying, but got immediately interrupted back as he realized she had caught on

“Yes! I absolutely am”

“Dear lord… but ok I have no better idea, let’s do it”

“YES”

“Barley I am telling you, this is NOT working”, y/n huffed as she let her side of the construction gently land on the ground once again.

“Come on, just one more time!”, Barley pleaded.

“You’ve been saying ‘just one more time’ for an hour!”, she argued, “there is no way around: this just doesn’t fit inside the van. You underestimated Guenivere”

“Hey! There is no underestimating Guenivere! It’s not her fault”, he pouted.

“Ok ok ok... Sorry Gueni”, y/n said, giving the car a sincere pat on one of the back doors. She has gotten used to treating the car similar to a pet, “but seriously: We’ve been trying this at every angle, and as cool as Guenivere is, she can’t magically shapeshift”

“Magically shapeshift”, Barely repeated her last words, suddenly deep in thought, before an “ohhhh”, sound escaped him, “wait here my lady, I’ll be back in a sec”

“O...k”, she said, a little confused.

Five minutes later, she saw Ian storm out of his house, his hands clenched around his magic staff, with Barley closely behind him. “WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?”Ian yelled as he came to a hold, which caused his brother to almost crash into him.

“I need you to make Guenivere big enough so that our self made double-decker couch fits into her”, Barely explained, breathing as though he had just run from death.

For a moment nobody said anything to that before Ian and y/n both shouted

“WHAT?”,at the same time.

“So much for an emergency”, Ian also mumbled, a little annoyed at his brother's antics.

“I mean: If she’s too small, then we can just make her bigger, right?”

“Technically yes but I think you didn’t consider a very small, tiny detail”, Ian commented.

“And what would that be?”, Barley asked irritated, not understanding what the issue was.

“You are aware as a supposed magic expert, that I can’t only enlarge the trunk, right? I would have to make the entire car big, and that would lead-”

“-to the entire street being filled with the car”, y/n finished the thought, apologetically laying her hand on Barleys shoulder, “I’m sorry my love. It was a nice thought”

“Dang it”, Barley breathed out, “I was looking forward to make my own uber-van-couch-double-decker-business”

“Hm”, y/n simply hummed. She had known from the beginning it would probably go south, but his enthusiasm had given her hope.

“Sorry Barley”, Ian said quietly, now feeling bad for having been so harsh beforehand , before slowly heading inside again.

Y/n and Barely sat down on the edge of Guenivere’s trunk, tired and disappointed that it all hadn’t turned out like they wanted as they looked at their creation.

Y/n leaned against Barley’s shoulder, lovingly rubbing her cheek against him like a cat (she loved doing that).

After a while Barley decided he had enough of sulking, standing up to go to the front to put on some good old metal (which luckily she enjoyed too).

As he however returned to the trunk, he noticed some ropes laying around.

He had used ropes last time to tie up some of the material he had bought for their project, so they wouldn’t move around- what if though…

“Ok I’ve had enough”, Barley decided, “I WILL have my double-decker-couch-van for more people to ride with me and my buddies and if its the last thing I’m gonna do!”

“Barley, what are you-”, y/n wanted to ask, but as she saw him pick up the ropes from the trunk floor, she understood, “- Are you sure this will work out?”

“Nope”, he answered truthfully, “but I will surely try!”

She was still skeptical, but at the same time she would try anything with him, and if it meant helping him tie a double-decker-couch to the roof of his van.

“If you believe it can be done, I will too”, she smiled, giving him a quick peck on his cheek, “let’s do this!”

It was eight p.m. The sun was almost behind the horizon and the streetlamps threw dodgy looking lights in the middle of the street and kept the corners dark.

But the elven couple, who stood in front of a yellow van with a double-decker couch tied to its roof, couldn't help but see what they had accomplished: Which was accomplishing what, at least the female elf, had thought was impossible… yet again.

“I can’t believe that worked”, Y/n mumbled.

“Told ya”, Barley hushed back.

“Should we drive around? See if anyone is crazy enough to go on a drive?”, she asked.

“You bet we are. And tomorrow… and whenever we can. I’ll be the driver and you the tourist guide.. or maybe some kinda sturdess, after all you’re good lookin’”

“Oh hush”, she giggled, visibly blushing

“And-”, he continued, though not without giving her a good wink after his compliment, “then we’re gonna show the dear people of this town another perspective to life”

“That we can promise”, she laughed, “that we sure can”

#barley x reader #barley lightfoot x reader #barley x (female) reader #barley lightfoot #onward #based on an anon message for itsme-star #anon #onward fanfiction #fanfiction #artist on tumblr #redrosessoulcabin

[baepsaetan]

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - Jungkook

Summary: You miss him so much, but it seems like getting to spend time with Jungkook is going to take a Christmas miracle.

Ao3 Link: here 

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader, side Namgi

Length: 17.6k

Rating: Mature

Genre: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

Warnings: Suspicions of cheating, misunderstandings, panic attack, suggestive content, swearing

A/N: Oooof I am finally done my Secret Santa fic for @thebtswritersclub​ and only - *checks calendar* - too late. So sorry this is so late @jjeongukkie​! It got so much longer than I had planned, and while I had a lot of fun writing it, I did not plan it quite well enough to finish in a timely fashion. Still, I hope you’re able to enjoy a last blast of Christmas vibes and fluff and angst as you slide into 2021! Thank you for your patience, and I hope you have an awesome new year! 

I always appreciate all likes, reblogs and comments! If you enjoy reading this, send me an ask! Happy belated New Year to everyone! 

---

“You’re not coming home now?”

Even as you say it, you’re vaguely surprised you manage to get the words out. Your lips are numb with shock and disappointment, and Jungkook’s wince on the screen of your phone just makes the feeling even more jarring. More painful.

“I’m sorry,” he says, half pleading and half desperate. “It’s just, this project is so important, and we need to have it ready for rollout…”

Throat tight, the fingers of your free hand pushing into your thigh, you adjust the phone with your other before saying thickly, “You said it would be a few hours in the morning, Jungkook. It’s – it’s Christmas."

"I know, I know, I just..."

He’s still speaking, quick and anxious words about necessity and pressure, and while you’re listening, you’re thinking about the cute lingerie sitting next to you on the bed. You'd been planning a little gift for him when he got home, and when he'd surprised you with a Facetime request, you'd pulled them out of the drawer, thinking it might be a fun little tease to give him a flash of the red and black set. Now, though...

"Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry. Really." Biting at his lip, Jungkook somehow manages to look a bit pitiful, even with the dress shirt he's wearing, ironed to sharp definition. The collar of the black shirt is open, sans a tie – he’d mentioned this morning no one cared about perfect business attire while working over Christmas – and the bare curve of his collarbone just adds to the disjointed clash of his clean outfit compared to his dejected expression.

The look has your throat closing even more, and you try to force a smile. You're well aware of how stressful the new position has been for your long time boyfriend, seen the casualties of the job; late night arrivals at the apartment, distracted eyes while making and eating dinner, forehead creased with frustration every time his phone vibrates, fatigue that throws him into sleep before you and he have really even had any time to talk together. He's also been hitting the gym almost religiously lately, another outlet for stress, and while you love Jungkook's enthusiasm for staying active, two sessions a day, every day, is excessive for him. It also eats into what little opportunity is left for you two to spend time with each other.

But he's doing his best. You know that. You're sure of it. And he promised it would get better, soon.

Soon. So, you swallow the disappointment, and the thing that’s more dangerous, simmering below it and too perilously close to anger. You hitch on a smile, and hope it doesn't look quite as forced as it feels. "I get it, Kookie. I'm just sorry you have to work for so long. Will you be back in time for dinner?"

He hesitates, teeth still sawing into his lower lip as he jiggles his head indecisively and the camera frame shifts a bit. "I'm not sure but – probably?" Your expression must sink just as much as your stomach does, despite your best efforts, because Jungkook immediately grimaces, his hands making desperate little waves of abortive denial. "I mean, I will. For sure. I'll be home, okay?"

When he flashes a thumbs up, deliberately and extravagantly enthusiastic, you can't help but smile, just a tentative lift of your lips. "Just – I love you, Kookie. I hope we get to spend some of Christmas together."

"We will! Promise." Both hands are up now, clenched into eager fists under his chin, and he really couldn't look more earnest if he tried.

The smile comes a bit easier now, and you nod, feeling some of that enthusiasm reaching through the screen. "Okay." Taking a deep breath, you try to redirect the conversation, too painfully aware that sulking isn't going to help at all. "Have you eaten lunch yet? Don't miss it just for your stupid boss!"

His grin is a small, toothy thing. "Nah, I haven't. I –"

"Jungkook!"

"I was saving room for when I got home!"

"Hah! You think there's going to be food on the table for you?" This bickering is so much easier than anything else that you might say, and you fall into it with something like relief.

His eyebrows fall, nose scrunching dramatically. "On the table? Y/N, that's so unsanitary."

"So unsanitary...?"

At your puzzled look, the grossed out expression whirls away, replaced with a smirk that's so abruptly suggestive that you find your breath catching. The way his voice drops, becoming a low hum, just concentrates the effect. "I was saving room for you, of course. But I'm not gonna eat you out on the table, baby."

You huff in scornful incredulity, but it can't take back the fact that you almost choked a second ago. It also doesn't really hide the way your cheeks have heated up into a patchy red, and besides, Jungkook knows you too well. If anything, his smirk just gets even sharper, and he adds playfully, "Unless you have it on your wish list. Then I might consider it."

Fucking around with Jungkook on any surface is absolutely on your wish list, but you're too proud and currently too annoyed to tell him that. "With my luck, it would break trying to hold up your inflated ego."

"My inflated muscles, you mean," he says, and flexes. Which is just so obnoxious, and also the long sleeve hides his arms too well to be truly impressive.

"Do that again when you get home," you order imperiously, and immediately he bows his head.

"You got it, boss," he agrees, and it's that easy, sudden switch, that flexibility, that's at least part of the reason you love him so much. Jungkook is what you need him to be; he's always been comfortable with that role, and your flighty ass needs him in so many different ways. He's never failed you in that respect. Well – not much. You need him with you right now, after all.

Want, you remind yourself sternly. You want him, that's all.

Abruptly he stiffens, turns slightly. You hear someone speaking off camera, high and strained, and Jungkook replies in a confident voice, talking about something you don't have enough information on to fully understand. They have a short conversation before Jungkook says, "I'll be over in a moment, okay?"

Then he's turning back to you, the by now familiar crease back between his eyes. "I've got to go now, Y/N. I'll get out of here as quickly as I can, okay?"

"Okay. Love you, Kookie. And try to eat something."

He nods, curter now, already turning away from the camera. "See you soon."

And you're left with a call ended screen and no reciprocal "love you". The flicker of warmth that had been blooming in your stomach wilts until there's nothing but a cold tightness left. For a few minutes you scroll aimlessly through your apps and messages, fingers restless for something the phone can't give. There are too many Merry Christmas posts, too many pics of friends and family having a good time together with gifts and food, and it grows the hurt in your gut. You and Jungkook had decided not to travel to any of your families' gatherings, to save some money this year after a big and expensive move, but that had been with the assumption that you would be able to take comfort in each other. Now...

Before too long, you give up, toss the phone aside. It lands next to the lingerie, and for the time being you leave them both alone, suddenly anxious to get away from the remote device and the painful reminder both. Your apartment isn't large, and it only takes you a few steps to leave the bedroom and head to the kitchen. You spend several moments milling around there, but you've already prepped everything for dinner tonight; the only thing left to do is the dishes from this morning's simple breakfast, eaten long after Jungkook had already bolted his and left. You clean them with desultory effort, trying not to remember that you and your boyfriend had planned to make something fancy together. The restless feeling doesn't leave with the dishes done, and you check, doublecheck and triplecheck everything before you're even halfway to feeling like this part of the apartment might not need anything else.

The living room, attached to the kitchen, has been decorated with reckless abandon. You've got at least an ounce of beauty aesthetic in your bones, and so does Jungkook, but for some reason when put together it equals a pound of ugly. The tinsel – red, gold, silver, and green – is flung about the room over pretty much any surface that will support it, along with red and green lights. The Christmas decorations are a hideous mash up of whatever you and Kookie have scrounged together from your families or garage sales or cheap outlet malls, plus a few modest clay additions of your own making. Several of the larger succulents and other plants are bowed morosely under the weight of ambitious ornaments, and the cactus on the windowsill looks positively garish with a star perched jauntily on its crown.

And you love it all so much.

Remembering the absolutely wild hour or so that you and Jungkook spent together decorating the apartment – such a rare and precious moment, since you moved here – makes your eyes start prickling with unbidden tears. Jungkook's staggering workload hadn't been so bad, while you were working; acting as a long distance design consultant for a large collection of homegrown companies tended to keep you busy, and you hadn't noticed his absence in a way that demanded you address it. Now, though, with Christmas an enforced break, since none of your suppliers or other contacts will reply to emails, your loneliness curls itself up in your chest, all barbs and agitation. You’re beginning to suspect that maybe the long absences have hurt you more than you thought.

One of your projects is on the coffee table, the spread of files and print outs of possible designs covering the worn surface. You've always preferred working with physical copies for the initial stages, moving to a tablet for more detailed work. You fling yourself onto the couch, telling yourself you might as well do something productive and hoping it might provide a distraction. That lasts for about half an hour, but it's a constant fight to keep your thoughts on the papers in front of you. The unhappiness is curdling your concentration, and more and more you're aware of a simmering resentment, sharp and insistent under your sadness.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. There'd been so little conflict about moving when Jungkook got the job offer. You were already working remotely, and while the pay increase at Jungkook's new company wasn't that much, it was the promise of what could come that made it nearly impossible to turn down. Saying goodbye to your family hadn't been an issue; you were already living in a different city than them, settled there after university. It had been harder for your boyfriend, but not impossible, and despite both of you leaving friends behind, you'd left with excitement. Hope. The future opening up before you two, together.

With a sigh, you shove the papers away. Leave the living room and take shelter on your bed. Send and reply to some Christmas messages. Make a face at the snap Jin sends you, a little blurry, his flushed cheeks matching the red reindeer antler headband he's wearing. He's holding the gifts you sent several weeks ago, an adorable pair of windup salt and pepper shakers shaped like teddy bears that can walk across the table, along with a few duck-shaped strainers. The caption makes you snort. I'm bearly making it without you, sis. I'm like a duck out of water. The next snap is clearer, of him and his two roommates, Jimin and Hoseok, all making heart signs. Thanks for the gifts! Hope you have a Merry Christmas!

He's in the same city as your parents, and you know he spent yesterday with them. Looks like he's having a great time with his roommates, too. Before the affection can sour, you save the photo and put your phone down again.

Kitchen, living room, bedroom. A discontented circuit you don't know how to break yourself out of. It feels so dumb to be making yourself even more miserable like this. You should phone one of the few friends who aren't with their families, or maybe your parents – hell, you could even phone Jin, he and his roommates would be sure to talk with you for an hour or two. But the thought of admitting you're alone, Jungkook having chosen work over spending the holiday with you, has your shame rising to scalding levels. The mere prospect of hearing and seeing everyone happy while you’re alone is another hurt, one that makes you curl up more tightly on the bed, clutching his pillow to your chest like it could fill up the hollowness settled in your lungs. Just like all of the sheets, it has his scent, light and flowery and soft, and it inspires an aching, cloying feeling that isn't really close enough to comfort, but you hold it tighter anyways.

The day drags on like that, swamps of self-pity drained by bursts of frantic activity. You clean up a bit more, work on a project, watch some TV. And then the rush of drowning loneliness fills up your lungs again and you're reduced to more aimless pining.

By three, with no texts from Jungkook and the need to start cooking soon looming large on the horizon, you send him a message. Hey. Gonna be home soon?

About half an hour later, you add a ? that still gets no immediate reply, and agitated tension has you wondering if you should call him. But what if you interrupt something? Get him in trouble? Worrying the thoughts ragged in your head, you resolve to give it just a little more time. Hell, for all you know, maybe he’s on his way home now.

At around four, your phone starts vibrating. Not a Facetime request, this time, but the name that pops up is welcome all the same. You answer almost breathlessly. "Hey Kookie!"

"Hey Y/N."

Right away you know this isn't the kind of phone call you were hoping for. Jungkook's voice is gravelly and tired, more like a bruise than a sound. Your shoulders slump, and you can't find it in yourself to say anything.

Your boyfriend tentatively breaks the silence a moment later. "Y/N, I'm sorry. Things are spilling over and I'm not going to be able to leave for awhile longer."

"..."

"Y/N? Are you -"

"How much longer?"

You can practically hear the wince. "I'm not sure yet."

"Jungkook..." But once again, the words catch in your throat, trapped by just how ungrateful and immature you feel.

"Look, Y/N, I was thinking. Maybe, if I come home too late, we can move dinner to tomorrow? I'm definitely going to be home all day, so we can have a nice breakfast and dinner and maybe open our presents and..." There's nothing in the quiet between you two. Certainly not your agreement. "I know I messed up and that this isn't fair to you, Y/N, and I'm sorry. Maybe – couldn't we just... reset? Start Christmas for real tomorrow?"

"Reset?" you repeat. "Like – what, like one of your video games?" The swampy depression is bubbling now, surging with the outrage that's been building all day.

"No, that's not -"

"We can't just reset, Jungkook. This isn't a level you get to just do over!"

"I know that, that isn't what I meant, you're -"

"I've been waiting here all day, Jungkook! By myself! Just waiting here for you! Do you get how bad that makes me feel?"

Jungkook sounds choked when he replies, though it's hard to tell if it's from guilt or anger. "I know I've made you wait, and I'm sorry. But the project -"

"I don't care about the fucking project! You should have told them to fuck off when they asked you to work!" You're full on shouting now, eyes stinging with tears, the sound tearing from your throat. "This has been the worst Christmas I've ever had, and you just want me to forget about it?"

His voice doesn't get louder. If anything, it gets quieter, smaller, coiling in on itself into a tight mass. "Do you think I'm having a good time? I've been working since 8:00 on Christmas day! It's not like I asked to come in, and they barely gave me a choice! I'm the junior here, do you think they would have been okay with me shrugging today off?"

"Today? Today?" Your laugh sounds too cruel, even to your own ears. "It hasn't just been today, Jungkook! This is just – more of the same! More ditching me – ditching us – for work. For some stupid reason I thought that you might consider Christmas an important enough day to knock it off for just one fucking second. But I guess not."

"I'm doing this for us! For – I told you how much work it was going to be! I thought you'd be okay with it!"

"And I thought there might be a tiny little exception made for Christmas. I guess we were both wrong!" you spit furiously.

There's a pause, heavy with the sound of both of your staggered breathing. You're too angry to regret what you've said – or at least, to acknowledge how much you regret it – and the bewildered hurt is travelling straight to your head, leaving you dazed and disconnected. Could Jungkook really have thought you were okay with what's been happening? Okay with being left alone for what feels like months now? How can you be listening to his tense exhales and still not understand the person on the other end of this call?

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Too polite, too gentle by far. Where the hell did he get off sounding like that? You know that's Jungkook – that he's far more likely to shutdown during an argument, to close off – but it leaves you clashing against air. No opposing force to clamp down on your own anger.

Heaving in a sharp exhale, shaking your head even though he can't see it, you say, "Do what you want, Jungkook. I'm not making the dinner if you're not leaving right now."

"Y/N..."

"Merry Christmas." You hang up.

It feels horrible. The phone is a dead weight in your hand, the anger an even heavier weight in your heart. You make a fractured noise, a frustrated scream that quickly trails into a barely checked sob. If you felt bad before talking to Jungkook, it's nothing compared to the mix of self-recriminations and resentment assaulting you now. He was just - why did he have to - why couldn't he -

Why did I have to say that to him?

You know Jungkook. How hard working he is, how dedicated, how keenly he wants to do well in front of and for others. He isn't working late because he doesn't want to see you; you're sure of that. It's just an inability to say no to his superiors. And... and you really haven't told him how unhappy you are with how often he's away.

But still. Couldn't he figure it out? Did you need to spell out your misery for him to get it? Is that really what your relationship amounts to?

Another aggravated exhale parts your lips, and you start pacing faster, needing the release. The next few hours stretch in front of you with wretched promise. What do you do now? Just wait by yourself until he gets home? Have to see his ashamed, hurt, averted eyes, the way he would creep into the apartment with a shield set between you and him? And then what? Go to bed with that block between you two, wake up and somehow try to pretend it doesn't exist tomorrow?

The tears flow down your cheeks despite your hands’ furious attempts to press them away and there's no way to stop them once they've begun. You cry, the way people often cry when they’re lonely, like silence is their only companion and they're afraid of scaring even that friend away. Quietly, then, no longer trying to hold the tears back but unable to give voice to the magnitude of your pain, either. The wet, soft sobbing quickly sends you back to bed, where you curl up once again, struggling for some kind of self-control.

God, you just miss him so much. Not today, not now, not – it's a void of the little things. The snicker when you berate him for being messy. His warm, gentle hands on your neck after a day hunched over a project, massaging out the pain. A little giggle as you watch a Ghibli film together. The shoving matches when you're out shopping and competing for who can get the most stuff on the list. The quick kisses and the slow kisses and the deep, hungry kisses that always lead to you waking up in his arms the next day, far later into the morning than usual.

You miss him so much, and you just pushed him away even more.

With a muffled sob you push your face further into the pillow, hating how pitiful this is, how much you're struggling to get your emotions under control. This is so – it's ridiculous, that's what it is. Childish. It's not as if you've lost Jungkook forever, and you haven't lost all of the things you love about him, either. It's not like you never goof off anymore, or cuddle, or talk. It's just – it's just that everything has been so much more frantic, hurried, and stressful since the move. It seems like there's never a moment where you can just sit together and love each other and think of nothing else.

The anger, remorse and dejection feed off each other, first growing and prolonging the wrenching feeling choking your throat, and you cry until time doesn’t mean much anymore. The grief is so horribly thick it’s like you can’t even breathe through it, let alone do anything but lie in bed. It goes on and on and – and then exhaustion overtakes your convulsive crying. Eventually, without ever actually being filled, the hollow ache contracts into a hard pit, the tears all forced out. Nothing else, though. The guilt and resentment and sadness are still there, dulled to a grey, insubstantial mass.

But at least you can think a bit. Listlessly, with all the colours drained out of it, but you can do more than sob. Wiping at your clogged nose and tear-streaked face, you find you can actually breathe, something of an improvement. You sit up, gently set the pillow back on Jungkook's side of the bed, giving the soft material one last swipe, trying to rid it of the wet evidence of your meltdown. No luck there, but it'll probably be dry before your boyfriend gets home.

If he gets home.

The bitterness of that thought is too tired to summon more tears from the hole in your heart or your head. You shake it away, more because you're just too drained to cling to the heavy emotion than because of some angelic impulse to forgive.

You know you have to do something. Anything. Literally anything will be better than just sitting here, waiting for Jungkook to come in, getting pricklier with each passing minute. With the Christmas dinner off the table, you suppose you could just pick up something to eat. Fast-food or something... have it ready for him to heat up when he was done work... like you're some trophy girlfriend.

Once again you need to stop yourself, biting back the wave of resentment. God, this isn't doing you any good, and it's so, so unfair to Jungkook. Yeah, maybe he shouldn't have agreed to work on Christmas. Maybe he should have been more sensitive to how far you've been drifting apart because of his long work hours. But at the same time, yelling at him over the phone wasn't the answer, either. He's probably having as bad of a time as you are, and with no private room to cry in, either. He'll be totally repressing the argument now, shoving it into a locker and subconsciously telling himself he's to blame, that he's a horrible boyfriend. Trying to listen to his coworkers and do his work with those harsh criticisms running low and dark through his head. That's how Jungkook is. He takes everything onto himself, especially if you give it to him.

Running your hands through your hair at the thought, pity clenching your chest, you abruptly get up. You and Jungkook definitely need to talk, and soon. But – but there's no reason to close out this shitty day with an even more horrible evening of strained silence and brittle rebuttals. Neither of you are particularly good at apologizing, even though you're both great at feeling guilty. You just don't have the words for it. So, unless you do something – make some gesture – this is just going to stretch into an awful, prolonged fight that isn't a fight at all, both of you retreating from each other.

It's unbearable. You can't stand it. So… you're going to do something about it.

Resolved, as resolved as you can be, you change out of your PJs. The weather's been quite warm, with no snow to speak of, so it's not like you need to bundle up much. After a moment of hesitation, you choose to snag the ugly Christmas sweater. It's got a comically drawn pink bunny on the front, absurdly muscular, with a red Santa hat settled firmly between its ears, and a myriad of red and green patterns crammed into the background. It was the rabbit's expression and the accompanying phrase that had got Jungkook to laughing until he was doubled over when he'd seen it at the mall last year. A challenging, almost intimidating grin is plastered on the rabbit's face, with the words This Bun Don't Want None in cheerfully bedazzled white underneath. Your boyfriend had quite literally begged to get two and wear them to the upcoming Christmas party, and he'd been too imploring for you to say no.

Slipping it on, with the accompanying memory of his hysterical amusement, crinkled nose, and bunny grin every time he caught a glimpse of you at the party, is the closest you've felt to peace in the last few hours.

You throw on some dark jeans and apply your makeup with a thoroughness that's a little much, given that you're not going anywhere for long. You don't care; it feels good to dim the red-rimmed eyes and splotchy cheeks your breakdown has gifted you, to cover it over with something prettier. Finishing with the last of the mascara, you grab your transit pass and head out, closing the door behind you with a finality that could almost be a goodbye.

The air outside is cool, a relief compared to the stuffy apartment, at least for now. You inhale deeply, the mild cold burning your sinuses and clearing your clogged head a bit. In a while, you might regret not having a warmer layer on, but for now it’s a relief to begin to walk, to stretch both your legs and your mind from the cramped defensiveness the apartment had been inspiring. This is – this is a good idea. You’re positive about it now, and can feel your shoulders loosening, steps becoming brisker.

If Jungkook can’t come to you – well, you’ll just go to him. At least for now.

Your building isn't too far from Jungkook's work; you only have a short train ride and a shorter bus ahead of you, according to your phone. You’ve been to his work three times before, but always in your shared car, and you walk with eyes fixed on your screen, calculating the time schedules. Part of you wants to text him, send a little olive branch to smooth the way and let him know you’re coming, but a larger part longs for something romantic and cute to happen today. Fast-food might not quite cut it, but surely a surprise visit might? You won’t stay long, won’t interrupt his work, but just to see his face, confused and then quietly grateful and loudly gleeful when he realizes why you’ve come –

It seems like that shouldn’t be too much to ask.

The trip flies by; you're too anxious in your own head to notice much outside of it, and besides, there aren't many people out and about today. Probably busy celebrating with their families.

You bite your lip at the thought, and violently yank your attention away.

At this rate, you should sign up for a game of Olympic tag. Surely nothing can run as agilely as you've been doing, avoiding every uncomfortable idea.

Jungkook's work is downtown, and there are tons of fast-food options nearby. You pick a smaller chain, KTown Fried Chicken, that both you and Jungkook enjoy. It's hard to convince yourself the cashier isn't judging you at least a little bit for your weird presence on Christmas night. Or maybe she's just eyeing the sweater. That’s another possibility.

With only one other person in line, the food comes quickly, and then you're on your way. Somewhere between stepping off the bus and smiling awkwardly at the girl behind the counter, it occurred to you that you didn't know when Jungkook was actually leaving work. He obviously didn't pack up right away after your argument – he would have made it home before you left – but that doesn't mean he isn't going to be heading home some time soon.

What if you show up and he's not there? What if he shows up and you're not there? What would he think? It is entirely too much to ask your wrung out brain to decide if it would be hilarious, infuriating, or some kind of karmic justice, but you do know that you'd rather just catch him at work with this peace offering. Much simpler that way, so you hurry your steps, snugging your sweater a little tighter around your frame as you do so.

You make it to the imposing office building of Projeck at around six, which is, as it happens, when two of Jungkook’s coworkers are leaving the building. Jungkook talks about them quite a bit – actually, gushes might be a better word – and you’d met them at the office Christmas party a couple of weeks ago. Namjoon, a tall, elegant man with blonde hair currently dressed in a black turtleneck, is one of the lead game designers, and he holds the door open for Yoongi, an audio engineer. The older of the two, in an oversized, comfy hoodie markedly at odds with his companion’s attire, slouches through with a tired smile of thanks.

Both had made a good impression on you at the party (it helped that they were obviously fond of Jungkook and appreciative of his talents) and you’re a little relieved to see them. Solved the awkwardness of trying to get into the building without letting Jungkook know you were here. Both pause at the sight of you, confusion creasing their features, before a grin flashes across Namjoon’s face.

“Hey, Y/N! Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas,” offers Yoongi as well, shoving his hands into the pockets of the hoodie he’s wearing. His eyes are on your chest, a little furrow across his brow, and it takes you a second to realize it’s the bunny again. After a moment his lips quirk, quiet amusement in the expression, and it makes it easier for you to reply brightly.

“Hey Namjoon, Yoongi. Merry Christmas! Are you heading home?” The prospect makes you a little excited. If they’re leaving, surely Jungkook won’t be far behind?

“Yup,” Namjoon agrees easily. His head tilts a little, scouring over you quizzically, before his gaze finds the bag in your hand. “Are you bringing something for Kookie?”

“Yeah… He, uh, was working so late I thought it might be nice to surprise him with some food.” You say it more like a confession, shoulders tight with the knowledge that this is making you sound way better than you actually are.

Namjoon whistles, eyes widening. “Wow, that’s really nice of you.”

“I mean, I haven’t done much today so –”

“He’s not here.” Yoongi states it so bluntly that it takes you a second to process what he said.

“…not here?” you ask, dismayed.

“Nah.” As your stunned eyes fall on him, giving him your full attention, he shrugs uncomfortably. “I’m sorry. He left like… twenty minutes ago?”

“He did?” Namjoon demands, and Yoongi just shrugs again.

Clutching at the paper bag that suddenly feels pathetic and cheap, a stupid idea, you say weakly, “Oh.” You don’t know what else to say, and both of the men’s expressions are soft with a sympathy that doesn’t make you feel any less stupid. “I guess… I’ll go home, then.”

Shifting again, a movement that has him brushing briefly against Namjoon, Yoongi trails a hand up to his ear. “Uh, I don’t think he was going home? Or at least, not right away?”

"What do you mean?" Maybe he'd mentioned he was stopping to pick up dinner, too? Maybe the fast-food you're lugging around is even more useless than you'd thought? Why hadn't you texted him? Why hadn't you -

"He was asking me about the fastest way to get to, uh, the Golden Closet Gallery. I think he was dropping by there first."

"Did - did he say why?"

"Meeting someone? Maybe? I dunno, he's been quiet almost all day, and he rushed away pretty quick."

You stare at him, tired and confused and more than a little guilty at the mention of Jungkook’s withdrawn state. What are you supposed to make of all this? You know about the Golden Closet Gallery – of course you do. You and he went a couple times, early on after your move here, both of you taking a lot of enjoyment from the art displays. But – it couldn't be open now, could it? And even if it were, why would he be going? Who could he possibly be meeting? Was he trying to take a late tour to calm down? Something else entirely? And – it didn't even matter. It wasn't as though you could reach him in a timely manner.

You were just going to have to go back home, and – you weren’t sure. Certainly not eat. The thought of trying to swallow any food right now, with your stomach tearing itself into pieces of shivering disappointment, is too much. Maybe Jungkook would already be at the apartment by the time you got there. Maybe you two could just – sit together. Just be together.

You’re not sure what’s sadder; how much happiness that simple picture gives you, or how sad you are that it makes you happy.

Trying to straighten your crumpled expression, you smile. "Well – thank you for letting me know. Guess I get all of this for myself." Your laugh as you heft the fast-food bag is a small and lost thing. "Sorry to keep you guys. I hope you have a good night!"

You've just begun to turn away, aching to end the conversation before you start bawling in front of these two men, when Namjoon clears his throat, his gaze shifting to Yoongi for a moment. The other man jerks a shoulder, bobs his head, and Namjoon looks back at you. You shuffle a little, desperate to be away but not wanting to be rude to two of the few people at this company who actually seem to be lessening Jungkook's stress.

"Did you take the bus to get here? We could give you a ride if you wanted."

Your throat tightens, and you're already shaking your head before you've even thoroughly processed the offer. "No, thanks, I don't want to take you out of your way."

"Well, if you wanted to drop by the Gallery and see if Kookie is there, it wouldn't be out of our way at all. We live pretty close by." Yoongi nods in agreement, his round face scrunching reassuringly with something that's not – quite – a smile.

When you waver, Namjoon says with studied nonchalance, "Even if he's not there, Yoongi and I don't have any plans for tonight. We don't mind dropping you off."

Still, the thought of inconveniencing them because of your stupid planning – not to mention that you don't know them that well – makes awkward turmoil roil in your stomach. Reading your reluctant expression and apparently hesitant to press you, Namjoon relents. “Well, if you’re sure…”

“Y/N. Come on. We’ll save you a lot of time, and I’m sure Jungkookie would be mad if we didn’t give you the ride. He already throws stuff at me when he thinks I’m not looking; I don’t want him to start chucking shit that actually hurts.” Yoongi’s eyebrow is lifted, an inviting gesture accompanied by a smile with just a hint of gums, and you can’t help but respond, a rueful chuckle that slips out at the picture his comment puts in your head.

Jungkook had mentioned there were a few people he liked to mess around with at work, but somehow it hadn’t crossed your mind that the quiet and slightly intimidating man would be one of his targets.

It decides you.

With a sharp dip of your head, you assent. "Okay, okay. Yeah, sure, and thank you guys. It means a lot to me, and, umm, if you need gas money or something..."

Namjoon throws back his head and utters a loud, barking laugh while Yoongi chuckles. "The company doesn't pay us enough, sure, but I think we can afford to cover this trip, Y/N. Besides, Jungkook's been working overtime so often, I feel like we practically owe you for stealing him so much."

That leaves a sour taste in your mouth that you're quick to swallow. Grinning weakly, you follow the two to their car, a compact grey Honda that's seen better days. Namjoon tries to insist you take shotgun next to Yoongi, but you're far too flustered at the thought of taking his spot and practically dive into the backseat. The first few minutes are a little strained, the fast-food bag on your lap rustling every time you move. Namjoon shuffles through a bunch of Christmas songs on his phone and Yoongi hums to them under his breath, seemingly unperturbed every time his companion switches mid-note.

Eventually, though, Namjoon finds a song he likes enough to leave on, and you find yourself drawn into a relaxed talk with them. Yoongi throws in a comment here and there, and together the two of them are so – easy. They add teasing remarks about each other without pausing for breath, Yoongi praises an arching plotline Namjoon had finished storyboarding today, and when a particularly loud Christmas jangle comes on, Namjoon's already changing it before Yoongi has time to huff in displeasure. You know they're roommates – more than that Jungkook hasn't said – and there's something uplifting about listening to their comfortable conversation.

They don't leave you out of it, either. You talk about your home city. You talk about how you met Jungkook in university, when you both arrived late to a morning Intro to Computer Animation course and were locked out of the classroom as a result. (You'd whispered furiously at each other about who should knock first until another hectic student had come charging up, bleary with sleep, and literally ran into the door when it failed to open. That had pretty much dissolved the tension between you two.) On a wave of laughter from that story, you tentatively ask how the job has been for Jungkook so far.

He's always so keen to hide his stress, so anxious not to talk about it and burden you. It seems like these two coworkers might be a good way to get a better picture, rather than the stitched together portrait you've gotten from the late nights and short, hesitant answers he gives you. At the thought, you pull out your phone to see if he’s sent you anything, but you have no texts.

The laughter dwindles, and you hear Yoongi rattling the spit in his mouth loudly enough to be heard over the music as he makes a lane change. In the other seat, Namjoon runs a hand through his blonde hair. Their silence immediately winds you up, and your hand, holding the phone, falls to the side. Had Jungkook not been telling you something? Was it worse than the late hours? Was –

"This isn't a great company," Yoongi states flatly, when it becomes obvious Namjoon is still groping for something more tactful to say. "They make you feel like you owe them your finger bones just because they pay a bit above average, and if those aren't showing from hitting the keyboards enough, you're some kind of failure."

"Yeah..." Namjoon sighs. "They tried that with me, but Yoongi's been there for several years, he's the best they've got in the audio department, and he made it clear that if I left, he would too. So they pulled back a little. Jungkook, though..."

"He doesn't say no. I've told him to – told him I'll throw in for him – but he's really afraid he's gonna get tossed. Can't blame him. People get fired too easily at Projeck." His voice is disinterested, but Yoongi makes another lane change, too abruptly this time, and that, plus his tight grip on the steering wheel, is a hint that he’s not quite as untouched as he sounds.

You press your back into the seat, trying to give yourself a semblance of a spine as your whole body threatens to fold. You'd had an inkling that Jungkook was maybe conceding too easily to upper management, but it sounds like he's having way more than a little pressure to work late put on him. This – actually this sounds toxic. Crippling. And Jungkook hadn't said anything about it.

And you barely asked.

Gnawing on your cheek, you lapse into silence, struggling for something to say.

Namjoon looks back, brows pulling together at whatever he sees on your face. "He's trying to get ahead of his workload, Y/N," he says gently. "I know after today he doesn't plan on going in until after New Years. He said he really wants to spend time with you."

"He was literally moping all over the office today," Yoongi adds. "Was surprised he didn't break his computer screen, he was sighing on it so much."

They're trying to make you feel better, reassure you that Jungkook had missed you and hated being separated on today of all days. They are accomplishing the exact opposite of what they intend, but that's not their fault. After all, they don't know what you'd said to Jungkook over the phone. Part of you wonders if they'd even have been willing to give you a ride if they did know. You're pretty sure you wouldn't have been if you were them.

You might also have tried to run yourself over on the way out of the parking lot, if you were them.

Before you can pull anything resembling words from the mire of rabid guilt curdling in your throat, the car pulls into the Gallery's small parking lot. It's almost surprising to find that there are two other vehicles already parked, and with the way the night is going, it's even more surprising that you recognize one of them as Jungkook's.

"He's here!" you cry out, relief and something heavier saturating your voice.

With a pleased exclamation, Namjoon gestures excitedly, smashing his hand into the roof of the car with a loud thud in the process.

"If you fucking dent my car..." Yoongi begins, but their mild bickering slips by you.

Your eyes are straining for some sign of Jungkook. The parking lot is empty of people, and the big sign above the building isn't lit up. However, it looks like there are some lights on in the Gallery, spilling out into the dimly lit lot, and as you fix your anxious gaze on the interior through the wide glass windows, you think you see the dim form of at least one person moving inside.

He’s here. You’re literally lightheaded with the joy of that certainty. This day has stretched out with excruciating discord, but now, everything is drawing tighter, shorter, focusing into a promise of reprieve. Finally, finally, something’s going right. The blissful expectation of getting to see Jungkook is almost enough for you to forget about everything else. For this moment, you think you’d forego everything Christmas – the gifts, the dinner, the decorations, everything – just to press your face against his chest and feel him holding you.

Hand on the door handle, you keep yourself from leaping out and dashing to the building only with difficulty. “Thank you so much for driving me. I almost can’t believe we caught him.”

“It’s Christmas, isn’t it?” Namjoon replies. “Escaping from Projeck before eight was our miracle – looks like this gets to be yours.”

The three of you chuckle at that, and then you’re opening the door. “I’ll let Jungkook know you helped me. Maybe he’ll stop throwing things.”

“And maybe Santa exists,” Yoongi grumbles, but there’s no annoyance in his rasping voice. “’Sides, that’s not what I want from him. Tell him to think about what we’ve said, ‘kay?”

Assuming he means saying no to the boss more, you nod, emotional with how lucky both you and Jungkook are to have run into such kind people. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t really cover the gratitude their thoughtfulness has inspired in you, and on top of everything else you’ve been through today, it’s almost enough to set you to crying again.

Namjoon seems to sense you’re at a loss for words; at any rate, he fills in the space. ���If things change for the better in the new year, we’ll see more of you, Y/N. In the meantime, take care! I hope you and Jungkook have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!”

Your voice comes out husky with gratitude. “Thank you. Thank you. I – Hope you both have a Merry Christmas, too! And a Happy New Year!”

Then you’re out of the car, shutting the door carefully behind you, your jaw tight to keep back the ridiculous tears. Yoongi and Namjoon wave, you wave back, and then Yoongi pulls away, leaving you standing and waving in the parking lot until the car turns and is gone. You take a couple of deep breaths, a smile easing the urge to cry. The excitement hasn’t dimmed at all, and, clutching the fast-food bag tightly, you pivot towards the Gallery, little shivers of anticipation darting under your skin.    

You practically run to the doors, and nearly commit the same mistake that student had, years ago, when they don’t open at your touch. The thought of smacking into them and announcing your presence to Jungkook that way has a low laugh bubbling in your throat. Yanking yourself to a halt, you try pulling and pushing on the doors, to no avail; they’re locked. You give them one last jerk, just to be sure, but they remain stubbornly shut. It’s not enough of a deterrent to dampen your spirits, though you find yourself bouncing impatiently on the soles of your feet, unable to get rid of the fizzy energy coursing through your veins.

You’re okay to wait outside until Jungkook comes out – it’s still not that cold out, and how much longer could he really be? – but nonetheless you start heading to the right, circling around the building, peering into the windows on the off-chance you can catch sight of your boyfriend and get his attention. The lights are off in some of the areas, but a few are flooded in a soft glow, and you skim your eyes over all that you can see. The more you look, the more confused you are about why Jungkook would be here. There are no other customers that you can see, so clearly, it’s not some sort of special Christmas showing. You literally can’t think of another reason he might be here. And hadn’t Yoongi said he was meeting someone?

It’s a mystery you can’t solve yourself, and you keep up your roaming examination. Most of the building has glass walls, except for an area near the back, and you can see inside fairly easily, where the lights are on. The Gallery is pretty typical, all open spaces and white, dismantlable walls, the better to more starkly exhibit the art pieces scattered across the wooden floors. There are paintings and sculptures, a few more abstract works, little plaques beside most of them –

But no Jungkook.

Lips pursued, you make your way further around, until you’re on the other side of the building, ears keen for any sound of a door opening. Wouldn’t that just be typical? While you’re wandering around out here, he comes out and leaves…

You should text him. A surprise visit is one thing, but at this point you being outside is going to be surprise enough. With that thought in mind, you begin fumbling in your pockets, awkwardly cradling the fast-food in one hand as you search for your phone. Not in your back jean pockets. A horrified panic starts building, and by the time you’ve clawed all the lint out of your sweater’s pockets, you’re certain. You don’t have it.

A memory, stilted and strained, of your hand falling to your side when you’d been talking about Jungkook’s stress in Yoongi’s car. In your anguish, it suddenly becomes clear to you; you’d dropped it. Forgotten to pick it up again. It was in the car!

For a second, you think that’s going to be the breaking point. The straw on the camel’s back. Your frustration peaks, eyes stinging, hands balled into fists as your excitement is drowned in self-reproach and an overwhelming sense of despair. Why were you so stupid? Fighting with Jungkook, sulking around the apartment, this dumb idea to get fast-food that’s definitely cold by now, and now – now this. You start walking again, barely looking, just planning to get to the front of the building and maybe collapse on the pavement. The crushing unhappiness doesn’t let up. Were you cursed? Was the world out to get you? Had you kicked a puppy in a past life? Why did you end up –

Your raging internal soliloquy is interrupted by movement within the Gallery. Someone is moving inside. Someone tall and muscular, with his black shirt rolled up to the elbows, long, shaggy black hair tucked behind his ears as he lounges against one of the white walls. He’s partially turned; you can only see half of his face, and even that not perfectly because of the narrow angle, but the sharp definition of his jaw is obvious, even from here. There’s something rectangular leaning against the wall next to him, wrapped in brown packaging paper, but you barely notice it. He’s talking to someone equally as tall, their back turned to you, but you barely register them.

Jungkook. It’s Jungkook!

It is not an exaggeration to say that for a second you doubt your eyes. Everything has just been so, so shitty today that you’d almost believe he’s a hologram or a figment of your imagination before buying that your flesh and blood boyfriend is standing some twenty feet away and that all it will take to end this horrible experience will be to catch his attention.

The person he’s talking to must say something funny, because his nose crinkles, lips rising as he tilts his head back and laughs. It’s just a giggle, quickly stifled, but it’s also a needle; the second you see that laugh, your bubble of disbelief pops with a force that’s almost audible. You can’t hear him, but at the same time, you can, fully aware of the way his snicker of amusement started out low and then pitched higher in tandem with his head being thrown back. The sound that isn’t a sound but a memory and a gift and a promise altogether gives rise to something hot and aching in your chest.

“Jungkook,” you say, barely aware of the name slipping between your tingling lips. There’s a rushing sensation in your ears, through your veins, like your blood has just remembered that it’s alive and is eager to prove it. The misery of moments and minutes and hours ago doesn’t disappear, but the sight of your boyfriend is enough to lift you out of it, to buoy you above the churning waves and set you, heart alight, in the clouds.    

“Jungkook!” you call, a shout this time, and start waving. He doesn’t hear or notice you, attention fixed on the man he’s with. You still don’t recognize whoever it is, but then again, with his back to you all you can see is the vibrantly patterned orange shirt stretching over his shoulders and a fluffy bit of brown hair. However, whatever he’s saying has sobered Jungkook; from what you can see of his face, his lips have tightened, and he shakes his head now and again.  

Who the hell is that, anyways? More vigorous gestures still don’t pull Jungkook’s gaze away from the other person. You know that any second now he’s going to look over and see you, break into a silly, bemused grin, rush over to the window, if only you could just– You’re about to tap on the glass when whoever it is abruptly steps closer to Jungkook. From what you can see, the guy’s large hands are moving passionately, persuasively, and a moment later he grabs Jungkook’s wrist, other hand rising up towards his face. You can’t quite tell what’s happening, except that Jungkook doesn’t shake him off or push him away. Doesn’t push him away, even when he leans closer, their faces inches apart, and the way they’re standing, you still don’t know who it is.  

Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind that his personal space is being invaded. There’s an attempt at a scowl on his lips, but you can tell it’s fake, a laugh on the verge of breaking through. You realize your hand is still raised to knock on the window, and let it fall. Brows pulling together, you try to make sense of what you’re seeing. The other man leans in even more, and when their lips are about to touch you wrench your eyes away.

For a long moment you stare at the pavement at your feet, mouth moving silently, like you’re searching for a word that fits what you just saw happen. It couldn’t be what you thought. Any second now, a reasonable explanation is going to come to mind. You’re going to find some frame of reference that makes this understandable. There’s going to be something that changes your point of view, makes reality into fiction. Because this can’t be true. This can’t be happening.

Jungkook could not have just kissed someone else in an empty art gallery while he thought you were waiting for him at home.  

Except that’s exactly what happened. You feel yourself change. You’re not a person anymore, not a human; you’re a wound, red and open and weeping. With a strangled sob, you suddenly find your feet moving to match your reeling thoughts, and you stagger away from the warmly lit building. The disbelief is like novocaine, numbing the screaming pain of the betrayal, but it’s not strong enough to force your gaze back through the window. Back to your boyfriend and whoever he’s with. Who knows what they’re doing now?  

Stopping yourself from crumpling to your knees and curling into a ball takes almost all of your strength, and you can’t keep yourself from doubling over slightly, one hand across your middle as you stumble blindly down the sidewalk and away from the Gallery. You press on your eyes to keep back the tears, cover your mouth to stifle the high, anguished gasps you’re making, but it does little to fool anyone, least of all yourself. Each sob rips from somewhere deep inside you, opens up the injury even further, until it feels like you might very well be tearing your chest apart.

He couldn’t have. He just– he couldn’t have. You can’t reconcile what you saw with what you know, but how can they be two different things? How can your boyfriend – loving, loyal, protective – exist in the same place as that man who hadn’t mentioned he was meeting anyone, who snuck around on Christmas day to see someone else? How can Jungkook be a cheater? How? How?

How could I not have known?

Bewildered, you scrabble through your memories like they’re a pack of spilled cards, struggling to piece them together, to pick them up and put them in order after they’ve fluttered to the ground in a chaos of white and black and red. At first you can’t find a hint. Can’t find a reason. There’s warmth and laughter and closeness in your memories together, with only spots of friction and hurt. What could the memory of you throwing tinsel around Jungkook’s neck and him parading around the living room teach you about this moment? What could the recollection of Jungkook’s arms wrapped around your shaking form when you’d received news of your grandmother’s passing tell you that you should have already known? What could the shadow of his quiet admiration as you showed him your most recent design reveal to your befuddled mind?

Was the staying late the only clue? The only ace card that trumped every other moment together? Or had there been others? Did you confuse his withdrawal from you as stress when it was really guilt? Had the silence been resentment? Boredom? Was he really going to the gym? Or into someone else’s arms? Did you do something wrong? Say something wrong?

Is this your fault?

You don’t know what to do, and as your steps slow, tears still going strong, you realize you barely know where you are. It’s fully dark now, and people are passing infrequently, with the streetlights only vaguely reassuring as they spill over faces. You haven’t taken any side streets, just followed this main road passed gas stations and boutiques, offices and fast-food joints, so you’re not lost, exactly. But you don’t have your phone. How are you supposed to get home?

Home. Suddenly the ache is more real. Present. Demanding. How are you supposed to go home when you thought home was Jungkook?

What do you say to him? What can you say? The thought of facing him has you trembling with something approaching nausea. Or maybe it’s the cold. It’s late enough now that the temperature is dropping, your heaving breath misting from your mouth, and you hadn’t planned to be out so late. The sweater is doing nothing to keep you warm. The sweater…

“Oh, God…” you mumble, your fingers digging into the tacky material, creasing the bunny that had made Jungkook so happy. “What do I do?”

What do I do?

---

With a grunt, Jungkook shoves Taehyung away using a hand against his stomach, the other man’s breath spilling across his face as he huffs in surprise. The push is strong enough to send Taehyung staggering back several paces, and he nearly trips and falls. Even as he catches himself, Jungkook is regretting the violence of the motion. It’s just – he’s feeling so vulnerable right now, so strained, and his friend acting like a clown doesn’t help matters.

Rubbing at his stomach, the other man complains reproachfully, “I was just trying to show you what to do!”

Jungkook sighs, rubbing at his face. “I don’t remember saying I needed help with how to make out,” he points out.

Taehyung throws up his hands. “You’ve missed the point!” he exclaims in disgust. “Didn’t you see the concern in my eyes? The tenderness? Dude, I was stroking your face. That’s how it’s done!”  

He snorts but the irritation is already fading, replaced by the amusement he’d had when Tae first started his shenanigans. Jungkook shakes his head, clearing his hair from his eyes, and relents a little. “Do you really think I should do it like that?” A beat. “Well, I mean, not like that. Better.”

With a grand gesture at their surroundings, Taehyung ignores the insult (or misses it, it’s hard to tell with Tae sometimes) and tells him, “You’re already doing better. You’ve got her a painting from an artist she loves.” He stops, points to himself. “Courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood art dealer, who sacrificed his Christmas night and drove all this way to make sure you got it. Plus, there’s the big news – she’s going to lose her mind when you tell her. Anyways, yeah, Koo, I’m pretty sure she’s gonna forgive you, even if you don’t use my sweet moves.”

“But I still don’t know what to say.” Jungkook hates how whiny his voice sounds, how uncertain. At the same time, it feels… good, to admit how he hasn’t got a clue how to make up with you. Or– That isn’t quite right. He does know, somewhere in his gut, in the palms of his hands, in the way his lips ache to skim along your skin. It’s just turning that feeling into words that’s struck him dumb.

“Dude, say what’s in your heart.” There is no one in the world but Taehyung who could say that earnestly and not sound like a weirdo, yet there the other man is, mouth set solemnly, somehow almost making sense. “You love her, you’re sorry for what’s happened, you want to hear her opinion, you’re working to make it better… Koo, you’ve told me all of that in the last half an hour. Now you just need to say it to her.”

“But what if…” He can’t even put it into words, the fear and uncertainty and guilt. Is he asking too much of you? Does he even deserve to ask anything? And what if… what if…

Reading him like a book, Taehyung smiles, simple and brilliant. “She’s going to forgive you. You’ve already forgiven her, so what else is there? Just the getting it done.” Still Jungkook hesitates, and his childhood friend says, a little more gently, “You’re a good person, Koo. I know that, and she does too. Talk to her. You won’t regret it.”

He hangs his head, slowly running his fingers against each other, exploring their lines like they might lead him to the courage he’s searching for. The call with you this afternoon had – shaken him. Although Jungkook had been aware – painfully so – that the two of you weren’t spending enough time together, he hadn’t realized how much it was harming you, and your anger had been both shocking and hurtful. Work had just sucked, so much, and to have you yelling at him…

But after the initial defensive reaction, he couldn’t get the thought of you sitting alone out of his head. It was never his intention to leave you for the whole day, but when he broached the subject of leaving with the boss, the look he got on his face, the way he said, “Well, of course, since I assume you’re done everything you were assigned,” had just been…

You still shouldn’t have left her. Jungkook knows that, knows equally that he didn’t have all that much of a choice if he didn’t want to get fired. It was the balancing act between those understandings that had his shoulders hunched, his cheek fair game to be chewed on. He was working on changing the situation – Namjoon and Yoongi were helping – but what if you thought it wasn’t fast enough? What if you decided you had enough? How can he bear to face you with that possibility on the horizon?

Taehyung gives him space, just hums under his breath and wanders a little, examining the various pieces on display. The Golden Closet Gallery isn’t one of his usual haunts – he tends to deal with artists further up north – but he’d come at Jungkook’s hesitant request, with an alacrity that still has Jungkook wondering what he’d done to deserve such a friend.  

He’d had his eye on your favourite local artist’s website, and when the painting went on sale, he’d known he had to get it. However, Projeck employees didn’t get paid until the 20th, and by the time he had enough money to comfortably purchase it, the artist wasn’t available on short notice and wouldn’t have been around to give it to him until after New Year’s Eve. Taehyung is well known in the community, though, and the painter had had no qualms letting him deal with establishing the price and then handing the piece over. It was practically a miracle, even if Tae had only been able to slip away from his family on Christmas afternoon.

Eventually, with Taehyung’s deep baritone hum a soothing presence, Jungkook tamps his fear down. Gets it to a manageable level. At the end of the day – Taehyung is right. He loves you, more than anything, more than he thought he could love anyone. That’s enough. It has to be enough.

He looks up, clears his throat. “Thanks, TaeTae,” Jungkook says quietly. “I really couldn’t have done this without you.”

His friend beams. “Nah, you couldn’t have. But what else are friends for, right?”

“I’ll get you an early release copy of Urban Anonymous. I think you’ll like it,” he promises. “But in the meantime… I think I’ve got someone to, uh, speak my heart to.” For half a second Jungkook thinks he’s about to die from the sheer cringe of saying that, a blush flooding across his cheeks, but at the same time – it feels kinda good to say. Goofily so, and very embarrassing, but still.

If anything, Taehyung’s beam intensifies. “Then my job here is done! I should hit the road anyways, I wanna get back home. I promised my parents I’d make them something nice for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Sure you don’t wanna stay over?” Glancing out the window, taking in how dark it is, Jungkook feels bad to be sending Taehyung out on the road at this time.

The other man snickers. “And get in the way of a beautiful thing? Nah. Besides, you know I like driving at night, and it’s only a little over three hours. I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so…” Jungkook snags the painting off of the floor, and together they walk through the Gallery, to the doors Taehyung had locked behind them when they entered. He unlocks them now, and they leave the aesthetically pleasing space, spilling out into the chilly night air. As Taehyung locks up, Jungkook glances around, breathing in deeply. Now that he’s resolved himself, he actually feels – a little better. Steadier, as though his world isn’t about to jerk out from underneath his feet.

Their cars are parked together, and once there Taehyung flings himself at Jungkook – scrupulously avoiding hitting into the painting, of course – and they hug, Jungkook staggering under the weight of his friend. The fond affection is a fluffy, sleepy thing, and, with one hand wrapped around Taehyung’s shoulders, Jungkook repeats, “Thank you, TaeTae.” It’s not eloquent, but with Taehyung, it’s enough.

They break apart, and Taehyung is grinning, a wide, boxy affair that has the nostalgia and warmth growing. “I’ve missed you, Koo. I’m glad we got to meet up. Tell Y/N that I miss her too, okay? And that I wish her a Merry Christmas.”

“We’ll have to get together again soon; Y/N will be disappointed she missed you. Although I know she loved your blue hair, so she’ll probably be sad you changed it.” It had even surprised Jungkook a bit when Tae had first ducked out of his car. The blue had just been so… riveting, and compared to that, the darker tone really changes how he looks. Not to mention that Tae went with a curlier style this time around.

Taehyung runs a hand through his fluffy brown locks before shrugging. “I got bored. Besides, I haven’t had brown in, what? Five years? It was a nice change.”

“It’s a good look. Almost as good as mine,” Jungkook teases, and Taehyung laughs in his deep, rolling way. “Okay. Merry Christmas, TaeTae. And have a Happy New Year! Don’t drive into a ditch, but if you do, call me.”

“I’ll get you to drag the car out by yourself,” Taehyung agrees amiably. “You look like you could manage it these days, and it’d save me the cost of the tow-truck.”

He gives Jungkook’s upper arm a cheerful poke, whistles in exaggerated admiration and then dodges Jungkook’s swipe at him. “See you soon, Koo! I’ll send you a text when I get home. Hopefully you’ll be too busy to read it until tomorrow.” And with a wicked little giggle, he gets into his car.

“Bye, Tae! See you! Thank you!” Jungkook waves until the other man has pulled away, blasting an R&B version of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, and then he gets into his own car. Being with Tae is like inhaling a warmer version of helium, all uplift and expansion. It suddenly occurs to Jungkook, with a little jolt, that he’s excited to get home.

No matter how scared he is, scared of the future and scared of the conversation ahead, picturing you, thinking of walking into the apartment and seeing your face, is enough to drive a sharp spike of joy through his trepidation. You are the best thing in his life, and even with this fight, even with the hurt still nestled against his ribs, he wouldn’t have drawn it any other way.

It’s as he’s starting the car that he realizes he got a text from Namjoon and didn’t notice. Hey Jungkookie. Can you let Y/N know we have her phone? She left it in the car.

He stares at the words, waiting for the moment when they’ll make sense. When sense is not forthcoming despite scrambling his brains for what it could mean, Jungkook types out a reply, his fingers sweaty with sudden anxiety.  

what car? you saw Y/N today?

…Yeah? We dropped her off at the Gallery. Did she not mention it?

at the gallery?? when?

His heart is in his throat, the unease ricocheting to unprecedented levels, and Jungkook shoves open the car door, begins looking desperately around like you two could have possibly missed each other in the empty lot. When his phone vibrates thirty seconds later, he almost drops it in his haste to unlock it.

Thirty minutes ago. Around there. Is she not there? Is everything okay?

Jungkook rips his eyes from the screen to the empty parking lot and back to the screen, a bewildered trek that gives him no hints, and he doesn’t know the answer.

---

When you finally get back to the apartment, your hurt has become a cramped, flattened pressure at the back of your throat, and every breath scrapes painfully on the way out. It’s taken you close to two hours to get back. The first person you’d asked for directions had given you the wrong bus number, and while you’d realized it eventually, you’d been going the wrong way for a significant period of time.

Usually, you and Jungkook laugh at how bad your sense of direction is, but this is just more humiliation to stoke an already raging fire of shame. Your steps literally drag – you almost trip on your way up the stairs – and your fingers are tingling, almost numb. It’s gotten progressively colder as the night wore on, and by now the icy feeling has sunk deep into your bones, passed the hard exterior until its wrapped around the marrow.

You’d thought about checking into a hotel. You at least hadn’t forgotten or lost your credit card. There was something tempting about postponing the moment when you had to see Jungkook. But at the same time… If you didn’t answer your phone and didn’t come back, he might worry (would he worry?) and worse, he might get other people involved. What if he talked to Namjoon and Yoongi? Or phoned your parents or brother? You can’t stand the thought of having to explain to them what happened without any preparation – without even knowing what happened yourself.

So here you are, facing the door, empty-handed. You’d thrown out the fast-food at the first trashcan you’d come to after deciding to return. Would Jungkook be home by now? Had he finished with – was he done? Or was he still out there, still… You have to say it eventually, you try to tell yourself firmly, but your whole being cringes from making that acknowledgement, from putting it into syllables that might somehow trap it in reality. It’s not something you can manage tonight. You really don’t know what will be worse, him being inside or not, but you can’t just stand outside forever.

Forcing the key to the lock is no harder than flinging yourself off a cliff, and you approach it with the same amount of dry-mouth apprehension. Your hands are shaking so bad it’s hard to get them to align, but when you finally do, the click of the key sliding in is too loud, like its announcing that you’ve slunk back in shame to all of the apartment building inhabitants. A ridiculous notion, but you flinch anyways, heart seizing as your stiff fingers fumble with the little jiggle required to get the door to open. It takes you three attempts, your anxiety growing, and when you finally manage it, you’re so strung out with tension that you don’t hesitate. You just fling the door open and stumble through.

Straight into Jungkook.

For just a second, it feels like the magnetism you learned about in school. For just a second you fall into him like there’s nothing else in the world more natural than falling, and for just a second you press against his chest and feel dizzy with the light, clean scent that surrounds you. For just a second, as he catches your weight and closes his arms around you, calling your name with a voice of choked relief, you let yourself forget.

For just a second.

And then reality floods back in, a tainted torrent of regret and grief, strewn with rage and humiliation that drifts just below the surface. Though you’re so unsteady you can barely see, your lungs blocked and battling to heave in enough air just to keep breathing, you struggle to get away from him.

“Let go of me,” you say, dry and curt, and when his arms only tighten – more, you suspect, to keep you from pitching over than in denial of your demand – your efforts become harsher, more violent. Without room you can’t get any momentum to really push away from him, but your motions are frantic with the desire to do just that. There’s a panicked, screaming need to get away from him, to get enough space, like he’s the reason your lungs are crumpling in on themselves. “Let go, Jungkook!” you cry, your voice spiking up into shrillness, shattering the syllables of his name.

Like he’s been electrified, Jungkook jerks, his arms flying open. Instantly, let loose, you scramble away, down the entrance hallway. Just as off balance as he’d feared, you nearly trip over something long and cumbersome leaning against the wall that you’re too distraught to look at, and you have to windmill to catch your balance. A moment later you slam your shoulder into the corner of the wall as you try to take the turn too sharply. “Y/N, please, stop!” you hear, and wish you hadn’t. Barely registering the sharp throb in your shoulder, you catch yourself and keep going. Seconds later you’re in the bedroom, and you slam the door shut.

It doesn’t have a lock. Putting your back to the door, your air rattling hollowly out of your mouth – too fast, too shallow, but you can’t seem to calm down – you slide down the solid surface. Pulling your knees to your chest, you rest your forehead against them, eyes tightly closed, still gasping. Your eyes are aching, but you can’t cry against the immense pressure of overwhelming panic. There’s just a stinging sensation and a pulsing rigidity in your face, like each and every muscle there has chosen to stage a personal rebellion at the exact same time.

I can’t, I can’t, oh God, please, I can’t do this I can’t look at him I can’t I –

“Y/N?” Jungkook sounds like he’s directly on the other side of the door, but he makes no attempt to open it. “Baby, please, are you okay?”

His voice is so raw with worry that it’s red. The colour blooms across your closed eyelids, swathes of crimson and scarlet, and you imagine that it’s blood, trickling from the wound inside of you. You can barely tell where your back ends and the door begins, like any moment you might slide through it, or maybe through the floor, or through the ground, or maybe you’re already there, floating in nothing, and the red breaks into jagged pieces of black and orange and you still can’t breathe.

“Y/N? Can you talk to me? Just – say something, okay? Just so I know you’re okay.”

You can’t even manage that. Even if you wanted to. Even if he deserved to know. Throat moving convulsively, you choke out a sob but nothing else comes after. Just wheezing breaths, and you think you’re shaking but you’re somewhere outside of your skin so it’s hard to tell.

“Okay, okay. I’m – I’m gonna be here, okay? Right here. If you need me, I’m here.” Even through the hazy distortion swamping you, Jungkook’s clear, resonant voice comes through. Maybe it’s the concern, too heavy to be swept away by the raging panic. Maybe it’s the compassion, too anchored in you to be broken away by the tremendous pressure.

Or maybe you just know Jungkook’s voice so well that even your disassociation can’t make it unfamiliar to you.

“You’re doing good, Y/N. I’m still here. Just on the other side of this door.” A pause, a deep chasm of silence, and then he continues. “I think it’s a panic attack. I know it’s scary, but it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”  

Later, you will be both annoyed and touched that Jungkook realized you were having a panic attack before you did. You’ve had a few throughout university, but none within the past year or two, and in the moment, you’d been too overwhelmed to identify what’s going on. The insight is helpful though, something to cling to and repeat to yourself. A grounding. It’s a panic attack. You’re going to be okay.  

Jungkook keeps talking, slow and steady. Nothing serious. Just words. You lean on his voice just as hard as you’re leaning on the door, and, slowly but surely, in a stretch of time that doesn’t mean anything to you, the constrictive bands across your chest loosen. You sink back into yourself. The tips of your fingers make sense again.

And you start crying.

“Y/N? How’re you feeling?”

Funny. Now, with your throat something other than a fist and pain, you still struggle to say anything. This is a softer kind of crying, not quite quiet, with little, hiccupping gasps as the tears run down your face. Possible to speak through. You just don’t know what to say to the man who just talked you, with kindness and compassion, through a panic attack. Who cheated on you. Your fingertips might make sense, but nothing else does.

“I – Y/N, baby, I get that you’re upset, but I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.” So anguished. Why did he have to sound like that? What right did he have?

You don’t know if it’s outrage or bewilderment or grief or pity that has you answering. Is it possible to have all of them in your mouth, gritty across your tongue? At any rate, your tone is as washed out as you feel, fatigued and grey. “I saw, Jungkook,” you whisper to your knees.

There’s silence on the other side of the door. Denial? Guilt? His reply is sluggish, thick with confusion. “You saw what?”

That makes you laugh – or not really, though the tortured sound was supposed to be one. “I was there. At the Golden Closet Gallery.” Will he really keep pretending after he knows you were there? Could he really be that brazen? The Jungkook you know couldn’t. There’s no way he could carry a lie like that, holding it effortlessly in the face of the truth. The Jungkook you know would blush, shuffle, collapse like a house of cards. He’s really not good at lying.

The answer isn’t a lie, but it confuses you all the same. “I know you were. Namjoon texted me to say he’d dropped you off, but – Where did you go? I – I drove around for like an hour trying to find you, and I couldn’t and when I got home you weren’t here…” The stream of words dies out like Jungkook can’t quite find any more to say, or maybe he’s embarrassed to say them.

When your reply isn’t forthcoming, confusion churning up anything you might spit out, he continues, more subdued. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to push you after what you just went through, I just– Are– How are you feeling? Was it – did something happen while you were getting here? Is that what took so long?” Another pause that you can’t fill, that stretches on and on as you try to understand what he’s talking about. How he can apologize for that and not the actual offense.  

Abruptly his voice bursts out. “Why won’t you talk to me!?” Tighter and more uncertain than you’ve heard tonight. Maybe more afraid than you’ve ever heard him.

It rips at your heart, and you realize in a swell of furious sorrow that you can’t stand to hear him sound like that. With a sudden, unstable surge, you get to your feet. Immediately your vision falters a bit, and you stagger, but catch yourself before you fall, clinging to the doorknob. You take a deep breath, fighting away the residual nausea and light-headedness. It clears within a few seconds, and your hand tightens on the knob as you take a deep breath. You can’t just leave him standing out there. You can’t just leave this incomprehensible thing hanging in the frame between your two lives.

You open the door. Slowly. Reluctantly. But you open it.

His long black hair is a wild mess, pushed back from his forehead, strands sticking up here and there. Even as you inch the door open, he runs his hand through it, ruffling it even further. His shirt is wrinkled, only partially tucked in, one sleeve rolled to bare his forearm, the other slipped down almost all the way. With his jaw so tense it’s a wonder he’s not cracking his teeth, Jungkook stares at you, lips set and pale. He doesn’t look like someone who committed a betrayal only hours before; if anything, the anguished panes of his face speak to a betrayal committed against him.

You’re so, so tired. Too tired to grasp at the outrage that wisps at the edge of your consciousness. Sniffling to clear your throat, you wipe at your face, trying make yourself a little less pitiful. “I was at the Gallery, Jungkook. I saw you,” you repeat because it’s still so hard to think of anything to say. When his expression doesn’t change – unless his eyebrows furrow, just a little, in innocent perplexity – you exhale. “I saw you with that guy. I saw you…”

“That guy? Who do you–” Jungkook breaks off, examines you more closely, like you’ve given him something to be concerned about. “Are you talking about Taehyung?”

The name is startling in its sheer unexpectedness. What the hell did Jungkook’s best friend have to do with any of this? “Taehyung? No, I’m not talking about Taehyung. I’m talking about that guy you were with tonight, in the Gallery. The guy you–” The words catch, but only for a second. You push them through with a surge of vehement exasperation for the blank expression he’s wearing. “The guy you kissed!”

In another place, the nonplused spasm across his face would have been hilarious. As it is, it just heightens your frustration, and the way he starts sputtering does absolutely nothing to reduce it. Even when he finally gets himself together and manages to talk, your aggravation is here to stay.

Right next to your mortification, as it happens.

“I didn’t– Y/N, that guy at the Gallery was Tae! Could you not tell it was him? I know he has brown hair now, but…” Jungkook shakes his head, flipping his own hair back. The tension seems to have slipped from his jaw, at least a little, and it might very well have crept into yours. “Is that– Is that what this whole thing has been about? You thought I did something with some random guy?” His lips twitch, and it doesn’t seem like he can decide if he wants to smile or scowl, and you feel the beginning of a flush heating up your face.

“It was Taehyung! And I didn’t kiss him. I mean, he tried to kiss me but it was just to–” Abruptly there’s a wash of faint scarlet crawling up his cheeks – cheeks that are rounder than they were a second ago, as he looks down and away, gaze slipping from you for the first time since you opened the door.

“Just to what?” you demand, the challenge extra belligerent to make up for the belated shock of suspended relief that hangs like smoke over your head. Too intangible for you to catch with your hands right now, though present enough to burn your throat with its sooty possibility.

He’s still looking at the ground, the blush becoming more prominent, and he begins to shift, the rustle of his dress pants loud in the fraught silence. “Um,” Jungkook begins awkwardly, head ticking to the side the way it always does when he regrets saying something or doubts his ability to do something. “It’s just, uh… he was helping me.”

“Helping you.”

Jungkook winces at your deadpan echo. “Yeah. I, um, asked him to…” Hands drumming on his thighs, drawing your attention for a second before you snap back to his flushed face, Jungkook bounces on the balls of his feet. “Uh… This is totally not how I planned this,” he mumbles, before hauling his gaze up to meet your own. “Hold on for a sec, okay? I just want to grab something.” For all that he’s definitely lightened a bit, the request is tinged with urgent appeal, his eyes scouring your face hesitantly like he’s afraid you’re going to retreat back to the room the moment he loses sight of you.

You’re not entirely sure that isn’t going to happen, but there have been so many emotional upheavals today you’ve just about exhausted your ability to feel more defensiveness. The more Jungkook speaks – the longer you’re in his presence – the more the sheer impossibility of what you’d believed is sinking in. He’s just – he’s Jungkook. Such a focal point of light and energy, such a reserve of easily offered comfort in a form so much more substantial than words. Somehow – maybe because of his prolonged absences, maybe because of your staggeringly challenging day – you’d managed to forget just what he is, but it’s in front of you now, demanding to be seen and acknowledged against the backdrop of what you’d thought. What had seemed so possible, even an hour ago, suddenly seems ridiculous when set next to the quiet solidity of him, of everything he is.

Wiping again at eyes that haven’t ceased watering yet, you nod.

He hurries away, down the short hallway and back towards the front entrance. You hear a thump, a muttered curse, a short dragging noise, and then Jungkook rounds the corner, hefting a rectangular object covered in brown paper. When you examine it more closely, you’re pretty sure it’s what you almost fell over when you ran inside. By the time he’s standing in front of you, the unwieldy item put on the ground and balanced against his knee, you’re pretty sure you know what it is by the shape and packaging alone.

And somewhere, in the back of your mind, you’re beginning to make connections. About Taehyung and the art gallery and the thing on the ground in front of you.

Jungkook just speeds up the process. “I was gonna wrap it in something nicer,” he offers apologetically, “but I was… Baby, I was so scared when Namjoon said you should have been at the gallery and I couldn’t find you and you weren’t at home. I thought – hell, I didn’t know what to think. That you got kidnapped or something.” He laughs, that shaky sound of amusement reserved for disasters that are absurd to imagine until they actually happen, and you shift, the heat crowding your face growing.

With a slight roll of his shoulders, he nudges the brown-wrapped object. “Anyways… Tae was helping me get this. For, um, you. Because I thought you might like it.” When you make no move to grab it, his eyebrows knit together. “Y/N? I swear, I didn’t do anything with anyone else. I wouldn’t do anything with–”

“I know.” You cut him off, unable to bear the imploring tone. It’s impossible to meet his beseeching gaze with the burden of your stupidity weighing on you, and you keep your eyes on your fingers. “I know you didn’t. Jungkook, I’m…” The winded feeling is still lingering, a hollowness in your lungs, and you have to inhale deeply just to remind yourself you can. Your anger at being abandoned by Jungkook for work died out so long ago it might as well be a relic, and with the betrayed grief swept so thoroughly out of your stomach, you’re left feeling strangely empty of anything but guilt.

“I’m so sorry. I – God, I’m so stupid. I saw you two and I thought – I assumed…” All of the logic that had founded your incorrect assumption is trickling through your grasping fingers, and you don’t know how to explain in a way that makes sense. In a way that justifies how you’d leapt to conclusions.

“I’m sorry,” you continue unevenly. “I just…”

“It’s okay.” When you keep staring down, Jungkook moves closer, reaches out, tentatively puts his arm around you. Light enough that you could break away if you wanted to. You don’t. You absolutely don’t.

The contact feels like an anchor, pulling you ever closer to reality. Making the trembling relief that much more real. The embarrassment, too. “Really Y/N, it’s – I know today has been…” After a moment he sighs, faint and low, shaking his head. “Today has sucked so bad, and Christmas isn’t supposed to be like this. I get why you thought what you did. After everything that’s been happening, after I’ve – I haven’t been around.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” is your whispered protest, still unable to look at him. “I should have just talked to you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that would have saved us both a bit of panic. But Y/N…” He waits, waits longer, until you’re forced to bring your eyes up. Meeting the dark softness of his gaze summons up more guilt, more regret – but also a clear, undeniable relief. Light at the end of a pitch black tunnel. You’re not out of the darkness, but with those sympathetic eyes on you, you have a sense of striving. Like taking a step, and then another, is possible. And might just be worth it.

“Y/N, baby, it’s not all your fault. It’s on me too.” His arms are resting lightly on your shoulders, fingers gently rubbing across the nape of your neck. “I haven’t talked with you enough. Kept just pushing it off, pretending it’s okay.” When he laughs softly, his breath tickles your face. “Not quite okay, hey?”

Your strained giggle isn’t heartfelt, and it fades quickly. “In the car, when Namjoon and Yoongi gave me a ride, they said – It seems like work has really, really sucked. More than I thought it did.” You lean back, just a bit, his arms a steady support against your back, and search his face. He’s biting his cheek, little lines skittering across his forehead. This close, the dark circles under his eyes are more pronounced, his skin sallower than it should be. He looks tired, but he doesn’t look away from you.

“Jungkook,” you say quietly. “How bad is it?”

Something flickers behind his eyes, a shadow of his normal reserve. You can feel the tightness in his body, the slight tremor that suggests he’s about to move away. The protective distance he clings to when he doesn’t want to worry you rears up – and you kill it with your hand, trembling only slightly as you tenderly trace your fingers along his temple, down his cheekbone, to cup the strong lines of his jaw. “Please, Jungkook. Tell me.”

The admission comes, fast and breathless, like he needs to get the words out before his teeth clench over them. “Bad. It’s bad. I hate it there.”

“Oh. I–” This is a different kind of pain from most of what you’ve been feeling today. More selfless, an anguish that extends and expands outward instead of curling up. “I’m so sorry. Kookie, I didn’t know. I should have but–”

“I didn’t tell you. How could you know?”

“I should have,” you insist.

His mouth quirks, a flash of teeth showing in mild amusement. “You can’t expect me to know you’re upset, but you should know when I am? I don’t think it works that way, babe.” When your mouth opens to object, Jungkook pulls you to his chest, cutting off your protest. You sink into his embrace, boneless and aching and grateful for the support, and if the gift’s hard frame weren’t digging into your leg, it would almost be perfect.

Perfect enough.

Pressing your face against his shirt, you feel him kiss the top of your head, arms still wrapped firmly around your shoulders. “I’m glad you’re safe,” he whispers.

“I’m glad you told me about work,” you mumble into his chest, reluctant to draw away. “If I told you to quit today, would you?” You’re not really joking, even though you know what the immediate answer has to be. You don’t have enough savings for one of you to quit without any other prospects lined up.

“Actually…” There’s something restrained in his voice, teetering on the edge of anxiety, or maybe excitement.

Shock has you looking up, resisting the comforting pull of his warmth for a moment. “You did!?”

“Oh, uh, no,” Jungkook says hurriedly, biting at his lower lip. Far from pleasure, the reassurance has disappointment funneling into your heart, funds be damned. To say that Jungkook’s job was the mother of all evils would probably be both unfair and exaggerated, but if it’s making him (and you) as miserable as he says...

“It sounds really bad, Jungkook. Killing yourself trying to please a bunch of jerks isn’t worth it.”

“You’re right.” He’s smiling now, smiling completely, showing off his teeth. “I don’t know if I can keep working for them for much longer, but… Ah, I was so scared to talk about this, and here you are, making it easy!” In his excitement, he’s playing with your hair, hands restless as they dance around. For once, the mystery isn’t extended. “Namjoon wants to break off. Start a new company, one that’s not an absolute dumpster fire to work for. He’s got several other people lined up who are happy to go, and Yoongi, obviously, and he asked me if I would join, too!”

“Is that why they gave me a ride?” Even as you demand it, you can feel yourself picking up on Jungkook’s energy. Not too much – the exhaustion sucking at your bones won’t allow it – but still, the lightness in your chest is a far cry from the sodden despair that’s taken up space there for most of the day.

Your boyfriend jiggles his head back and forth. “I dunno. Maybe. But I think mostly they did it because they’re pretty nice people.” He sounds a bit awed as he continues. “We can’t start for a couple more months – Namjoon said something about getting funding from some rich guy, Bang Sihyuk – but I still can’t believe they want me to come along. I mean, some of the people are, like, the best there are, Y/N.” You can almost see stars shining in his eyes.

Your response is firm, albeit playful. “So, it makes perfect sense that they’re having you join! Kookie, you’re gonna fit in so well, because you’re one of the best, too.” And honestly, you’re not even just shovelling empty praise; Jungkook is a truly talented artist in his medium.

His smile grows, eyes thinning with happiness. “And – you’re okay with it? There aren’t any guarantees that it will work out, with it being a new company.”

The trials of the day – mostly made from your own mind, though no less difficult for all of that – pass through your head. The loneliness and anger and sadness. All of it dimmed if not gone entirely, simply because here you are in his arms, speaking to each other instead of covering your hurt up. “Jungkook, one of the few guarantees I have of anything is that I love you, and you love me. If you’ll be happy working with Namjoon, with moving companies, then that’s all I need to hear.”

With a low hum, Jungkook sweeps you into another hug, and you’re glad to give up what space is between you two. Enfolded in his arms, listening to his steady heartbeat, is about the securest place you can imagine being. “I love you,” he says, voice thick with the truth of what he’s saying.

“I love you, too. Thank you. Thank you so much for everything.”

“I haven’t even given you your presents yet. Here –” And you’re breaking apart again – although not really, because you can still feel the connection as a thin warmth snuggled beneath your ribs – and Jungkook bends down, picks up the item sandwiched between you two. “Feel up to opening it?”

“The mystery gift that almost broke our relationship? Yeah, I’m up to it.”

Nose scrunching, he hands it over, and in your haste to see what’s inside, you make short work of the brown packaging. You can’t honestly say you’re surprised with the first glimpse of the mahogany frame – you expected a painting – but as more of the brown rips away, you feel shivery awe cascading down your spine. Once the painting is completely uncovered, you clutch it with sweaty palms, well aware of how precious a gift you’ve been given. You’d recognize the style anywhere.

“Jungkook,” you breathe, “oh my God, Jungkook, this is one of Ayeong’s, isn’t it? You – you actually got one of her paintings!?”

The quality is unmistakable. It’s a detailed piece, zoomed in on a small, dilapidated house. Almost everything about the house is bleak; the colours are all dull greys, blacks and browns, the porch is crumbling, and the shutters over the windows are chipped and cracked in places. However, right in the center of the house, taking up a good portion of the painting, is a door flung wide open, and the inside is flooded with warm colours and details in stark contrast with the exterior. There are people inside, crowded around the entrance, laughing and vibrant, and they dominate the doorway with their collective presence. One person, the only one who is looking outward, has her hand raised in greeting, as though inviting the viewers in.

“It’s called Homecoming.”

Soft and reverent, the name feels like an echo, a reverberation of your hopes and fears, and against a suddenly blurry vision, you smile. “It’s beautiful! It’s so, so beautiful. Thank you, Jungkook.”

“Do you feel like opening the rest of our presents? Or should we wait until tomorrow? We can grab your phone in the morning, too.”

Your fatigue drags at you, overwhelming even your hunger, but you try to rally, lifting your chin up. “What do you want to do? Do you want to open a present?”

His head tilts as he looks you over, a quick assessment. “I don’t have to. It’ll be nice to look forward to it later.” You’re absolutely positive he’s saying that for your sake, and it makes you just that closer to crying in gratitude for what’s in front of you.

Swallowing hard, you suggest, “How about tomorrow, then? We can…” You pause, scrambling for the memory, and then grin tiredly. “We can reset. Start over tomorrow.”

Jungkook’s laugh washes over you in cozy tides of amusement. “Now there’s a great idea. Whoever thought of it is a genius.”

With a chuckle, you carefully set the painting to the side, planning on figuring out where to put it tomorrow. As soon as it leaves your hands, Jungkook is there again, claiming the free territory. His grip firm and warm, he asks you, “Do you wanna eat? Or maybe nap for a bit?”

Your panic attacks always leave you drained, and the fact that Jungkook remembers is just another fond ache to add to the collection in your chest. “Nap,” you reply gratefully. “But… do you wanna lie down with me? Just for a bit?”

He couldn’t have looked any more solemn, or any more beautiful, if he’d tried. Squeezing your hand, he says, “I’d lie with you forever, if I could get away with it.” A second later the somber façade breaks apart, leaving a blush and a squirming, quietly giggly Jungkook.

With a snort, you pull him along with you, into the bedroom, a tightness across your chest that has everything to do with just how much you love the man next to you. “Now I know you were with Taehyung.” That makes you remember, and as you both walk to the bed, you glance at him, narrowing your eyes. “Are you going to tell me what Taehyung almost kissing you had to do with helping you out?”

As expected, his blush grows, painting his cheeks with a pale pink, but he surprises you by pulling you closer. With a hand under your chin, the other arm wrapped around your waist, he tilts your head up. Meeting your eyes with a tenderness that floods you with reassurance, he brushes a thumb along your lips, leaving a tingling trail. When it comes, his voice is hoarser than before, firmer. “He was trying to teach me something I already know.”

And then his mouth is on yours, steady and certain. Your lips soften against him, and time becomes languid, moving by the count of each breath that flutters against your lips. Jungkook isn’t demanding, not tonight; he kisses you sweetly, gently, conveying everything that he hasn’t managed to put into words. His body has a gravitational pull all its own, drawing you closer, and you skim your hands against his back, relishing the powerful certainty of his shoulders and the intimate confidence of his mouth on yours.

A second later, he sweeps you off your feet, and you gasp in surprise, breaking off the kiss. Jungkook places you on the bed, stands looking down at you with unmasked adoration. You open your arms, a wordless invitation that unwittingly bares the front of your top. His eyes fix on it, and if anything, they soften.

“I like your sweater,” he comments quietly, and as you laugh, he climbs onto the bed with you.

You take off the sweater in question, and your jeans and bra, easy and unhesitant in his presence. He follows suit, and then grabs your pajamas, placed as they always are at the foot of the bed. You wiggle into them, and for his part, Jungkook just throws on a pair of loose pants. The feeling of familiarity sinks into your system like a sigh of contentment, and when he pulls you against his chest, you snuggle into the embrace.

Wrapped in his arms, the smooth warmth of his skin pressed against your cheek, you let the drowsy bliss sweep over your body, and you relax, sinking against the sheets even as you curl closer to him.

Jungkook’s voice ripples against your mind, a soothing undercurrent taking you closer to sleep. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

“Merry Christmas,” you mumble. With one last faltering effort, you say, “Jungkook?”

“Hmm?” You feel the inquiring murmur just as much as you hear it, a smooth hum on your cheek.    

“Thank you for coming home.”

#thebtswritersclub #networkbangtan #jungkook x reader #jungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts fic #bts fanfiction #my fic

[thran-duils]

Doll Me Up (P.5)

Title: Doll Me Up (Part Five) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark Mob!Tony Stark. On good days, you and Tony were a power couple. You, a perfect trophy wife with your hands in local charities to promote a wholesome image. Tony, business man but sullied with organized crime. He indulged in his illegal gambling, extortion, and political corruption. And he indulged in his escort business. Hell, that is where he had found you. You were a brat, and he loved a challenge. Words: 3,059 Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, smut, daddy kink, dom/sub, manipulation, death, violence, possessive behavior Author’s Note: I’m not sure if this is the last part but I’m leaning towards it.

Part Four || Part Six || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

Five and a half months ago…

Tony blinked against the sun as they left the news station. Y/N had facilitated a project, along with others, to bring seniors more fresh produce in their Meals on Wheels local program. She was excited about the project and Tony honestly could not give two shits about it but if it made her happy, he was happy to be there with her. He loved seeing the joyous smile on her face and her enthusiasm talking about it.

His hand was wrapped tightly around her waist as they walked out towards his car. And his smile only faltered when he spotted a familiar face in the crowd across the street. And a face he did not want to be seeing in public like this. And they were staring directly at him, like they had been waiting for him.

Tony turned to Y/N and whispered in her ear, “I need to go to the restroom.”

“We were just inside,” she jested. “Why didn’t you go then?”

“I didn’t have to go then. Here.” He opened the door for her, letting her get in. “I’ll be right back.”

To Happy, he whispered, “Fabian.”

“What do you want me to do?” Happy asked quietly, keeping his sights on Tony and not being obvious.

“Stay here with Y/N. I’ll be right back.”

“Boss—”

“He’s not going to lay a finger on me.” Tony said and Happy looked at him disbelieving. Tony was being overconfident about it and he knew it but he could not accept lowlifes trying to approach him in public like this. “Stay here with her. I’ll be back.”

Tony walked away from the car, moving back down the sidewalk. He spotted Fabian moving through it and he smirked to himself. He walked past the news station doors, and down the immediate alley.

He was waiting when Fabian entered the alley, standing dead center, hands in his pockets. If looks could smite, Fabian would have burned on the spot. “What makes you think you can come up to me in public?”

“You haven’t been returning my calls I’ve been leaving!”

“Yeah and for good reason. You’re unhinged!”

“That wasn’t my—"

Tony stepped closer, spitting, “You listen closely, Fabian, I am done with you and your bullshit! You are done. Do you get that? You had your chance and you fucked up. And I cannot be seen in public with you. You know that though. You squeal to anyone and you won’t just have me after you, you’ll have the whole city gunning for you with how many people are tied to it and you will. not. win. If you ever come up to me in public again – especially when I’m out with my wife – I will kill you on the spot.”

Tony straightened out his jacket before storming away from the man who was staring at him slack jacked. Tony did not give him a moment to respond before he was around him and striding back down the alley.

When he got into the car, Y/N was none the wiser.

She was immediately back into conversation, talking about what good this interview was going to do for the project and thanking him for coming along with her. Tony smiled sweetly, listening intently. His adoration for her wove deeply. He truly had recovered a true gem from the rabble.

<><><>

You stared at the door in bewilderment before touching it again. F.R.I.D.A.Y. repeated, “You are not authorized to open this door, Mrs. Stark.”

“Excuse me?” you word vomited.

“Do you need me to repeat the message, Mrs. Stark?”

You hated how calm F.R.I.D.A.Y. sounded.

“Override,” you tried.

“You do not have authorization to do that, Mrs. Stark.”

“Why can’t I go outside?”

“Mr. Stark blocked access at this door.”

You let out a frustrated noise before turning away from the door. You walked to the bedroom door, feeling the ache but you had to know. You walked down the stairs, taking them slowly. You went to the closest patio door, gripping the handle tightly.

“You are not authorized to open this door, Mrs. Stark.”

Breathing heavily through your nose, trying to keep yourself calm, you turned your head eyeing the next patio door.

Her voice was becoming quickly annoying. “You’re not authorized to open this door, Mrs. Stark.”

You took off around the mansion, trying all the doors leading to the outside but you got the same code when it read your fingerprint. You made your way to the front door, the door to the garage, out to the garden. It was all the same message. Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, it sinking in that you were locked inside.

The thought of the kitchen door out to the pool came to you and you moved as quickly as you could there. You stalled seeing Happy standing in there, cutting an apple. He stilled seeing you and you did not miss the sly look he gave you as you moved through the kitchen, past the island where he was standing.

The same goddamn message.

You whipped around and stared at Happy.

“Let me out!” you demanded.

“I can’t override what the boss has inputted into the security system. You know that,” Happy said in passive tone, looking completely indifferent to how worked up you were.

“Where is he?”

“He left earlier.”

“Well, did he happen to mention to you why he was locking me inside?” you exasperated, throwing your hands out at your sides.

Happy sucked at his teeth, leveling you with a serious look. “Y/N, do you really need to be asking me that? Truly?”

You bit your cheeks to avoid shouting at him and forced yourself to turn on your heel and storm out of the room away from him. You made your way back up the stairs, going for your bedroom where your cell was waiting on the bedside table. Snatching it off the table, you pressed Tony’s name.

“Yes, kitten?” he answered calmly.

“Your stupid AI won’t let me out!” you exclaimed.

“Yeah, I programmed that this morning.”

“You…,” you started to argue but then your voice went up a notch, trying to whine. “Daddy, you can’t keep me locked in here!”

“Can’t or shouldn’t? Because it looks like I’m already doing it, so I apparently can,” Tony replied coolly.

“You shouldn’t then!” You added for good measure quickly, “Please!”

Tony’s tone was firm when he told you, “I think I very well should. You crossed a lot of lines and I am not fucking around when I tell you that they were lines that shouldn’t be crossed. You brought this on yourself, Y/N. Maybe if you spent less time throwing tantrums and more time listening to me, you wouldn’t have found yourself here. And hopefully you won’t again. I certainly hope you won’t again. I know you can do better.”

You were quiet, biting back tears. You thought you would be cuddling this morning, everything slowly falling back to normal.

He heard you sniffle and the sound of it elicited a soft sigh from him. “Princess, you can earn my trust back. I’m a reasonable man.”

“I said I was sorry,” you said tearfully.

“Oh, I know you did. And it was heartfelt. And you did so very well last night. I was impressed by you. Truly, baby. But I need to be sure you understand how serious I am that I don’t want you to repeat that. Ever.”

You asked weakly, “When are you coming back?”

“Tonight. I won’t leave you for long. And I’m going to bring you something. But you need to just sit tight. Be good for Happy.”

You did not answer because you were staring out the window, grinding your teeth.

“Princess?”

His voice snapped you back to reality and you got out, “I’ll be good.”

“That’s what I like to hear. By the way, I set up an appointment for you today, last minute. It’s a virtual meeting. Happy knows about it, he’ll help you. OB/GYN. F.R.I.D.A.Y will scan you, the baby, send it to her and she’ll correspond.”

“She’ll correspond with… F.R.I.D.A.Y?” you asked slowly.

“Just this one time. I promise we have a real appointment next week. I’ll be at every one after this and we will do it in person. Cross my heart.”

Your voice was small, “Okay.”

“I’ll see you later. Be good.”

“I will, daddy.”

He hung up and you pulled the phone away from your ear, staring down at it. He was acting weird. He acknowledged what had happened but moved so seamlessly into baby talk and appointments.

How were you going to relax knowing you were stuck in here?

<><><>

Five months ago…

The art show was boring and even more so for the afterpart of it. You had no desire to speak to anyone about it and they were all gathered in the large center room drinking wine and having finger foods. You had excused yourself to go to the bathroom and you removed your underwear, tossing them into the trash bin before leaving to find Tony,

Tony was speaking to someone, sitting on a set of small chairs. The sight of you caught his attention and you put your finger to your lips. He only spared you a second’s confused look before looking back at the man. But his gaze found you again quickly, curiosity getting the better of him. Over the man’s shoulder, hidden from the rest of the room by the large plant, you opened the slit in your dress, showing Tony you were not wearing any underwear. He began to smile and hid it by his hand came to his mouth, it balling into a fist as he stared daggers at you. You gave him a wide, tantalizing grin, beginning to walk backwards towards the doorway to the adjacent hallway.

You left him sitting on the couch, dropping your dress. The hallway was empty, and you walked slowly down it, taking in the art.

It did not take long for you to hear footsteps behind you, and you looked over your shoulder finding a very hot and bothered Tony coming down towards you. He wasted no time pushing you into the corner at the turn in the hall, his hands snaking up your dress. You turned your head, giving a throaty laugh.

“Listen here… if you wanna come, you better look at me,” Tony husked.

“There’s people—”

“You started it.”

You nipped at his nose and he buried his face into your neck in return. He resumed pressing you into the wall, his fingers slipping in to work you up.

<><><>

Three months ago…

People were outside in the pool, drunk in the summer sun. You though, you were inside, sitting against the wall, pouting. Some of your old escort friends had shown up per request for the guests attending and told you they were planning a trip to Vancouver to do some shopping and ‘go out on the town’ in a few weekends. You had been excited about the prospect, you had not been out like that for a long time. When you had left the group though and leaned over Tony’s shoulder at the poker game to tell him about it, he had waved you off.

“You’re not going,” had been his exact words.

Instead of going back to the girls, you had gone inside, not wanting to tell them the bad news. At the inside bar, you had taken a couple of shots and made sure Tony saw you walk by the window. You tossed him a glare as you passed. Him and his stupid open shirt over his dumb swim trunks – that you had specifically picked out earlier this week when you were shopping – could get fucked right now for all you cared.

It was not too long before Tony appeared in front of you, peering down at you, looking ever piqued. He was not happy you were sulking.

“You know, you’re really bringing down my mood, princess. Glaring at me like that because I had the audacity to deny you one thing out of millions.”

“Then stop looking at me,” you retorted, avoiding his eyes, still staring off out towards the pool party.

You heard him scoff and he said, “Don’t even try to throw a tantrum right now.”

“I’m not. I’m just sitting here.”

“Looking like I killed your fucking dog.”

You merely shrugged aggressively in response.

He gestured out towards the patio doors. “You know they’re only going to get in trouble up there. And I don’t want you to get wrapped up in it.”

“So, you don’t trust me to be faithful,” you said finally making eye contact with him.

Tony held up a finger to you and corrected firmly, “That’s not what I said.”

“That’s exactly what you’re saying!” you exclaimed, throwing your hands down beside you on the bench. “You don’t trust me!”

“Don’t try to make this into something that it’s not. I don’t trust them to keep you out of trouble,” Tony retorted. “You know how they are! You were – are – friends with them for fucks sake!” You opened your mouth to argue and he cut you off. “No, I’m done with this conversation. You know what I meant. I’m sorry that you are upset but there’s a reason I’m saying no to it. Now, either shape up and come back outside or go upstairs if you’re going to just glower at me.”

Clenching your jaw, you stood up angrily and stormed off away from him towards the upstairs.

You decided on a whim to leave, grabbing a swim suit cover and throwing some sandals on. Downstairs you ran into one of Tony’s guys and you stopped because of the way he was staring at you. You had wanted to leave without anyone noticing but seemed like that was not going to be the case.

His eyes ran over you, taking you in. “You alright?” he asked curiously, his eyes narrowing.

“Yeah, peachy. Have fun with your dumb poker game,” you spat at him before turning and walking to the front door.

You got into the car, turning it on angrily. You knew you should not be driving but you just did not want to be at home anymore. And Cassandra’s was not too far away, only twenty five minutes or so. You took off down the driveway, actually smirking of the look on his face when F.R.I.D.A.Y informed Tony you had left whenever he decided to check in on you. That should be awhile because he had been on a winning roll.

<><><>

He did not announce himself and you only realized he was home because F.R.I.D.A.Y came over the speaker in the living room informing you, “Dinner is ready in the kitchen.”

When you walked into the kitchen, he was a complete 180 from the night before. He walked up, giving you a kiss on the forehead, asking then sincerely, “How was your day?”

“Fine…” you said, trailing off, giving him a curious look at his nonchalant demeanor.

He brushed it off, grasping your hand and began to lead you to your plate he had set up on the island next to one for him. “That’s good, kitten. Here. I hope you’re hungry.” He immediately paused and said under his breath, “Fuck. Hold on.”

Tony walked off to the pantry and your eyes wandered to the counter. You looked down at the plate and saw it was the dish from your favorite date night restaurant. He did that on purpose, you thought immediately. To remind you he remembered things you liked. To get you something that you did like. It was like an apology, extending an olive branch. This is how he knew how to apologize, with gifts.

You waited patiently until he came back with a long lighter. He smiled at you, lighting the small candle on the counter in between your plates. “Just like at the restaurant.”

A smile tugged at the corner of your mouth at the small touch.

“Sorry, it’s just sparkling cider,” he told you, gesturing at the glass in front of your plate. He held up his bourbon and took a swift drink.

“It’s fine, thanks,” you said, picking up your fork and taking a bite. You savored the taste, chewing slowly.

Silence fell over the table and the two of you ate, both staring down at your plates as you ate. There was something hanging in the air between you and you just wanted to know what.

You got your answer soon enough. Tony’s sigh was heavy as he dropped his fork to his plate. “You know… I do have to apologize.”

That caught your attention.

“I hate doing it. You know I do,” he said, giving a little nervous laugh. “Admitting I’m wrong. Goes against everything in my genes. But… I could—should have done better with aftercare. The bath was bare minimum. I know you need more. We talked about it. And I… I lost my temper. And that’s not fair of me when I’m in the position I am in.”

He had your rapt attention, you tracking his every word. What he said was not untrue – you two had had a conversation about aftercare, especially when it came to punishments. He seemed genuine in his apology.

Tony made eye contact with you, grasping your hand. “In the future, especially during your pregnancy—” He cut off. “And I looked at the report. Everything seems to be okay?” You nodded and he nodded in return, “Good. Good… I need to be more careful. I need to do better. So… I’m sorry.”

You chewed your lip, taking what he said in. He was waiting for you to respond, to say anything, his eyes desperately searching yours.

“I accept your apology,” you told him.

Tony was pleased, his frame relaxing immediately at your forgiveness. Your hand was brought to his lips for a quick kiss. “You’re good. So good.” He stepped closer, and his free hand came to the side of your face, looking into your eyes deeply. “So, after dinner… maybe I can lotion you down?”

“The raspberry shea?”

“Yes, of course. Whatever you want.”

Three words he always said but did not seem to follow through on.

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21

Fic tags: @kvzctam, @farihafangirls, @teenageregression, @mrsnegan25

#tony stark x reader #dark!tony stark #dark tony stark #dark marvel #marvel fic #my shit

[nutty1005]

Uniquely Him – Xiao Zhan: The biggest monster to defeat is himself

Translator’s Note: This article comes from ELLE Magazine 2019 Jan Issue.

He learned drawing since elementary school, drawing planets and monsters were his obsession, firmly believing in the existence of aliens. As a lively, vivid and exemplary person, he radiates a sense of security from someone dependable, and yet he has a worldly wisdom of one who knows the ways of the world but prefers not to practice it. 

He learned drawing since young, drawing planets and monsters were his obsession. When he watched Martians in movies as a child, his wild imagination gave him a battle with monsters. At that time, he was a boy who was especially fascinated with space, and believed firmly that aliens existed. When he saw news on UFOs, he was excited, curious, but also afraid – would the aliens be friendly with us?

After he read “The Three-Body Problem”, this feeling grew stronger. While exclaiming the broadness of the author’s imagination and how grand the universe is, he researched on the theories and explanations in the novel, as well as on astronomy. Xiao Zhan also imagined how the subjects in “The Three-Body Problem” would look like, “looks like an engineer, perhaps he wears spectacles, he must have a highly progressed mind, great mechanical skills, but probably useless in everyday life, just like Sheldon in ‘The Big Bang Theory’.”

The cruel logic behind all the glitz

Seated in front of the window in the hotel room, his long narrow eyes, puffy and red, Xiao Zhan just finished a day’s filming, and was accepting our interview in a layer of thick winter coat. His attitude was polite, and all around him was the vividness of youth – this made a huge impression.

He had his own studio when he was in year 2 of university, and became a designer after graduating – exemplary student Xiao Zhan’s most glorious moment was being able to design logos in projects with his seniors while he was still an intern, and the client eventually chose his design. Life as a designer lasted until 2015 – his university teacher recommended him to participate in “X-Fire” (TN: A talent search variety show) and he debuted, and since then, his life went onto a different track, becoming one of the hottest idols currently.

Actually, the challenge of becoming an artist is not much different from fighting monsters – since you receive flowers and applause, you would also receive gossip and rumors. His life had been smooth sailing till this, and this confused him for a while, “When the competition ended, there was some dissenting voices, I didn’t quite understand then. Now I’m more at peace, because when you choose a career, you need to learn to accept it. People will like you, and there will be people who won’t.”

However, the cruel logic behind all the glitz was something he could not have imagined. “Audiences do not see what you’ve experienced along the way, they would only judge you based on the final results.” He was filming his first period movie, being outdoors in the mountains at -10°C+ was a daily norm, “We’re filming by the river, everyday we could see the ice slowly form up, today the river is totally frozen, we could walk on it. Basically after every scene I have to cover my face with a warm water bag, otherwise my face would be numb from the cold and become uncontrollable.” And because today there was a scene to scream and shout, Xiao Zhan’s voice was already hoarse.

Xiao Zhan could overcome all this suffering and exhaustion well, the biggest monster he wanted to fight were his self imposed restrictions. “Just now I was thinking while doing make-up, that actually celebrities are like a product, packaged by make-up and styles in order to polish this product. I will bring forth my best to my audiences, but yet I don’t want to over package myself, the real me needs to be in it. I wish that everyone, while accepting my glorious exterior as a celebrity, would also accept my flaws and quirks, since after all, I am a vivid person.”

This sincerity and clarity is where Xiao Zhan’s wisdom lies.

“There is no grandiose in my life”

2018 is the year of rapid growth for Xiao Zhan, he had main roles in various dramas, such as “The Wolf”, “Joy of Life”, “The Untamed”, etc – honing his acting and radiating his presence.

As the lead actor in “The Untamed”, Xiao Zhan’s load was heavy and his filming schedule was tight – filming under the ceaseless summer heat in Hengdian, his mind was always tense. The temperatures in the set was as high as 50°C, the make-up could not stay on, and he filmed most scenes barefaced. The most unforgettable scene was a crying scene – Wei Wuxian, portrayed by Xiao Zhan, had an explosive emotional scene after the massacre of the Jiang family. This scene started filming in the morning, he and Jiang Yanli started crying since 7 a.m. and after they were done, their eyes were as swollen as that of goldfishes. Before this, he was filming “The Wolf” – he systematically took performance classes and grew rapidly in during the filming. “Familiar set and environment, learning to adjust to the nerves and tension, especially since there were hundreds of people servicing you on set, you can do no mistakes.” Xiao Zhan radiates this sense of security from someone dependable. “The Wolf” was his first time as a main supporting role, and he was under tremendous pressure during that period, he often dreamed of acting on set. After every scene he would request for everyone to provide feedback, and then he would learn continuously, analyze and quickly adjust.

After that he had his first cat of his life, a munchkin named Jianguo (TN: Jianguo means nut). After the performance teacher learned about this, one of the homework he gave Xiao Zhan was for him to observe his cat. As a cat-lover, he reveled in the it, “I found out some things that I overlooked, like you will find out that when she’s angry, affectionate or hungry her expression and calls are different.” Xiao Zhan was exceptionally loving to his cat – the first thing he did when after a day’s work was to go home and play with his cat. His private life was quiet and simple, he just stays at home. “The feeling of staying at home is like falling into a cloud, you could roll around as you like, there is no pressure.”

“There is no grandiose in my life.” This was what he felt that gave people the sense of security. His parents, while supportive of his career, were also worried, hence Xiao Zhan often communicated with them, sharing his career successes, helping them be at ease.

In the whole conversation, Xiao Zhan had the purity and enthusiasm belonging uniquely to a youth, and there was this sense of extraordinary realness in him. “Whether or not I want to be an idol, I don’t actually have a choice, the label of an idol is already on me, just that I want to slowly shed off the label of an idol, and become an actor accepted by audiences, so that they can see more of my inner self.”

“I especially dislike public proclamations, you have to pace your life.”

ELLE: What type of boyfriend do you think you are? XZ: I am the boyfriend who is more considerate of the other person, if there were to be my other half in the future, when she’s busy, upset or happy, or wants me to do something, I’ll try to accompany her the way she likes it.

ELLE: Are you the gentle puppy type of boyfriend? XZ: There’s definitely a dominating side, but if you were to be dominating everyday, how do you live? When you have the other half, the most important things are responsibility and trust. (After having a cat, do you think you’re a good dad?) I feel yes, from taking care of my cat.

ELLE: What type of girls do you most want to date? XZ: In many interviews before I spoke about warm, gentle and family-loving girls, but I feel that it still comes down to chemistry, and this is something unpredictable.

ELLE: If you are currently dating a girl, how would you hope to spend Valentine’s Day? XZ: Stay at home, and cook together. There’s a phrase about when you love the right person, every day’s Valentine’s Day, why do you have to spend that day in the crowd with everyone. Being an artist is quite particular, and quite tiring, I have to go back to live my life. If everyday has to be vigorous and stirring, there’s no way to live. No one can act everyday, I especially dislike public proclamations, I feel that you have to pace your life.

ELLE: If we give you a holiday now, what would you do? XZ: Go home and rest, with my parents, and then play with my cat.

ELLE: Are you a typical Libra? XZ: I don’t think so, I don’t have difficulties in choosing, when I spot something I want to buy, I’ll just buy. But sometimes I’ll be stuck in things that I care about, for example the scene I did today, if I’m not satisfied with it, I will think about it from morning till night, and annoy the others around me with my nagging.

#xiao zhan #sean xiao #xiaozhan #肖战

[mypimpademia]

Worth It.

Shinso x reader

TW: Swearing, reader steals a man, pure bad bitchery

Note: this concept has been in my head for literal MONTHS and now I'm finally writing it bc i had no idea how to before (i still dont know how to write it as I'm writing this, I'm bouta wing it like a mf)

I made Intelli the mean girl for this fic bc she a bitch fr

A college AU but its hardly relevant + a lil smau

Towards the end of writing this, I started hating it. I'm so sorry😭

I recommend this song too bc this is where the idea for this fic came from:

This was getting annoying to watch.

How long was Hitoshi planning to stay miserable with that girl?

Intelli and Hitoshi have been dating for awhile now. You had honestly never liked her, but you just barely tolerated her for Hitoshi. But only a few weeks into their relationship, things went to shit.

Intelli became overly controlling over him, and even tried to force him to stop being friends with you, and some other people. You, being his best friend, told him to break up with her.

Of course, Hitoshi agreed that it'd be best to do that. But not even a few hours after talking to him about it, he came back to say it didn't go as planned.

Intelli was holding blackmail over Hitoshi's head, and posed a huge threat to his dreams of becoming a hero. Most of what she said she'd expose was no where near true, but with her intellect she could easily make people believe it.

But frankly, as their relationship went on, the sight of even a strand of her hair made you want to either puke or fight her.

"Toshi~" Intelli cooed, coming up behind Hitoshi and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Hitoshi visibly cringed, but tried to hide it as best as he could.

"Hey, babe." He boredly muttered, doing a terrible job at faking any enthusiasm.

Unlike your best friend, you made no effort to hide the disgust you held for her sheer presence.

"Y/n..." Intelli muttered, her tone dripping with distaste for you, making you scoff. "Mind if I steal Toshi for a bit? No? Thanks-" She attempted to drag Hitoshi away by the arm, but you placed a firm hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"I do mind actually, we were in the middle of a conversation before you interrupted." You told her. She chuckled, before tugging on Hitoshi's arm more.

"Yes, but he's my boyfriend-" She attempted to give reason for her to take him away, before even Hitoshi stopped her.

"I've got a project I need Y/n to help me on, I can stop by your dorm later though?" Hitoshi suggested, lying through his teeth.

Intelli's eyebrow twitched, but she gave in, letting go of his arm. "Bye, Toshi." She said, kissing Hitoshi's cheek and looking you up and down, before walking off.

"Sometimes, I can't tell if she's just plain a bitch or if she's secretly a dumbass." You sighed. "Maybe she's a little bit of both..." Hitoshi chuckled, making you laugh with him.

"You really need to find someone new." You told him, shaking your head. "I know, but I'd rather not chance losing my dream career." He groaned.

"True... Whats your type anyways? I know its not Intell anymore, she's probably traumatized you." You giggled.

"She did, but I think my type is someone who can really understands me, and someone I can have fun with." Hitoshi said.

"Like a best friend?" You questioned him. "Yeah, exactly like a best friend. That'd be my perfect version of a s/o." He replied, expression growing soft.

Since Intelli and Hitoshi's relationship had gone down hill, you've been there for him more than ever. It eventually lead to this unspoken romance that constantly roamed between the two of you.

But because of Intelli, neither of you pursued it, for the wellbeing of Hitoshi.

"Well, if I were you, I'd find someone and just make sure the bitch doesn't find out." You told him. But if you were being honest, it was more like a suggestion, because he really did need, and deserve someone other than Intelli.

"Like cheating?" He gawked. You were both thinking the same thing— Intelli would likely find out. But it was better than simply being stuck with her, so you nodded.

"Well, I'd at least make sure the other person knows. But it'd be worth it."

'I'm worth it.' You thought.

You sighed, looking down at your phone, the time on your phone displayed.

"Shit, I've gotta get to class, we've got a guest lecturing us and my professor will tear me a new one if I miss it." You told him, stuffing your phone into your pocket.

"See you later?" Hitoshi asked you.

You were about to say something about how he told Intelli they'd hang out later, but decided against it.

"Yeah."

◇◇◇◇◇◇

You sighed, feeling your tired feet throb as you walked down the hall to Hitoshi's dorm. Taking one of your backpack straps off your shoulder, you began rummaging around the pocket where you usually kept the spare key to Hitoshi's dorm.

You blinked, as you weren't able to find the key in the small pocket. You began searching your entire bag in the middle of the hallway, taking nearly everything out.

"Shit." You mumbled, thinking you had lost it.

Then you remembered, 'Thats right, I was in a rush this morning. Its on my desk.' You thought to yourself.

Like hell you were going all the way back there though.

You placed your items back into their bags, then pulled out your phone to text Hitoshi.

You hummed, rocking back and forth on your heels as you waited for the door to be opened.

A moment later, you heard the lock click, and the door swung open.

Hitoshi looked you up and down before smiling. Then looked both ways of the hall, before tugging you into the room and shutting the door.

"Why are you treating me like a side piece or something?" You questioned him.

He hummed in confusion as he locked the door.

"Does it feel like that? Sorry." He apologized. "What did she do this time?" You asked, referring to Intelli, as she wash the only person the put Hitoshi this on edge.

"She said if we were doing anything other than a project we'd break up, and you know what that means." He told you, shaking his head.

You hummed, and pulled out your phone.

"What are you doing?" He asked, peering over your shoulder.

"You'll see." You blunty told him.

You sent your message, and tossed your phone onto his bed.

You grabbed onto Hitoshi's collar, tugging him towards you so he was looking you in the eyes, making his breath hitch as his face tinted red.

"You're crazy if you think I'd get you snitched on." You playfully consoled.

"What did you do?" He questioned again, watching you flop down on his bed as you kicked off your shoes.

"I texted Monoma and Momo to post about a project on private snap that only has Intelli on it so that it'll be more believable." You told him.

Hitoshis eyes went wide, as he mentally questioned how you came up with that so fast.

You patted the space next to you, beckoning him to sit with you.

He sat down, shaking his head and laughing.

You and Hitoshi talked for hours and hours, but it each flew by. When you finally checked the time, you barely had enough time left before dorm visiting hours were over.

"What? Already?" Hitoshi gaped, as he watched you sling your backpack over your shoulder.

"Mhm." You hummed.

He groaned, clearly not wanting you to leave, but sat up anyways so he could come see you out.

Hitoshi unlocked the door for you, but upon opening the door, you were both met with an unwanted sight.

"Hey Toshi!" Intelli greeted, completely passing over you even though she saw you.

"H-hey, Intelli." Hitoshi spurred, trying to keep composure.

"I came to help on the project. Even Momo was complaining, so I thought you could use some help." She offered, clearly not convinced that there was actually a project.

But like you said, you weren't going to let him get caught.

"No, we finished it." You told her bluntly, folding your arms across your chest.

But clearly, Intelli didn't plan on letting up either.

"Well then, I could proof read the written portion." She insisted, taking a step towards you.

"We already did that already."

"Well I'm sure there are some mistakes."

"We triple checked."

Hitoshi looked back and forth between the two of you, silently preparing himself to break up a fight.

"You must not get what I mean—" Intelli straightened her posture more than it already was, and leaned towards you. "There's probably mistakes because it was you helping him." She mocked.

Hitoshi already had a hand reaching for your waist, ready to pull you back in a situation where you lunge at Intelli.

"You wanna talk about mistakes? How about we start with you, bit-" Before you could take a single step towards her, you were being pulled back by your waist.

"Watch your dog, Hitoshi." Intelli retorted.

Damn, was she lucky Hitoshi could hold you back.

"At least I bite, unlike some people." You shot back. She narrowed her eyes, leaning towards you again.

"Y'know Y/n, you're not as good as everyone thinks you are. Everyone thinks you're so great, and nice, but I know how you really are." She said.

"You only think that because everyone's not you. Its no goddamn wonder your blackmail folder is thicker than you." You hissed.

Intelli, clearly flustered that you even knew about her blackmail folder, stood straight again. She crossed her arms and cleared her throat slightly.

"You think youre so much better than me. A better person, a better best friend, you probably think you'd make a better girlfriend too, right?" She asked you.

"Of course I do, who the hell wouldn't?" You chuckled.

You felt Hitoshi's grip on your waist loosen. Either he was getting just as angry and was going to let you fight her, or he thought it the tension was thawing.

"Alright, since you're so much better than me, show me." Intelli insisted.

You smirked. "Alright, you asked for it."

Slipping out of Hitoshi's grip, you turned to face him.

His brows raised in surprise and confusion. And next thing he knew, you had him by the collar for the second time today.

But this time, your lips were pressed against his.

It took him a moment to process, but soon, he melted into it. Moving in sync with you, he placed his hands back on your waist.

As much as you wanted to continue, you still had to tell that bitch off.

Pulling away from Hitoshi, wiping away the string of saliva that connected your mouths, you turned back to Intelli.

You walked straight up to her, and placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Toshi doesn't react like that when you kiss him, does he?" You hummed, hearing Intelli audibly gulp.

"Like you said, I'm a better person, a better best friend, and a better girlfriend." You repeated her words from earlier.

"I wouldn't lie to him, expose him, whether what he did was true or false, and i wouldn't hold him back from doing what he wants." You taunted.

"And the thing is—" You leaned in, next to her ear.

"I dont think it, I know it."

"I'm perfect for him." You whispered to her.

Intelli nearly toppled over in defeat, leaning against the nearest wall to support her body.

"Anyways, see you tomorrow, Toshi." You mused, before walking away.

◇◇◇◇◇◇

The next day, you met up with Hitoshi in your free time like usual.

You were aimlessly walking around campus, talking about random topics, laughing as you watched random people do stupid things, and just having fun.

Except now, you were hand in hand, and the air around the two of you seemed lighter. And the look of adoration you and Hitoshi shared was more evident.

But in the middle of it, of course, something had to happen.

Intelli had stopped you both in your tracks, her brainless groupies behind her.

"Did you know everyone is talking about you, Hitoshi? And with all the things they're saying... you might not be able to recover from it." She said snarkily.

"Not too worried about it actually." Hitoshi admitted, a slightly bored tone to his voice.

"Tch, well you should be. So tell me, was she worth it, Hitoshi?" She inclined.

Hitoshi looked over at you, a grin spreading across his face.

"Hell yeah."

#hitoshi x reader #bnha shinso hitoshi #hitoshi shinso imagine #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi shinso x reader #bnha shinso x reader #my hero academia shinsou #shinsou headcanons #shinsō hitoshi #bnha shinsou #shinsou imagine #shinsou x y/n #bnha #bnha hcs #bnha headcanons #mha #mha hcs #mha headcanons

[miss-bakukiri]

A good nights rest

18+ | Aged up Bakugou x Fem reader | Slight degradation

y/n = Your Name

2150 words This is a bit of fluff story that builds up into smut scene. So if your looking for pure smut (lemon) that’s not what this is. I hope you enjoy it. Its my first short story. Let me know if you want a prologue or part 2! ---- As a rule you don’t let your hookups spend the night. It can send the wrong message that you are interested in something more than fulfilling a need. But then again Bakugou always does what he wants and you have broken your rules just by letting him come see you on a regular biases. Just for sex though, you don’t have time for anyone needy. Which is why Bakugou was the perfect hook-up, he didn't have time for that either. You watch him snooze in your bed, considering waking him up for another round. You decide against that knowing the pro hero needed his sleep. Instead you direct your attention to the gauntlets he left by your door.

Today he had showed up at your door in full gear, smoke still steaming off of him from a recent encounter that had apparently been very close to your apartment. You were a support engineer and his gear had intrigued you from the beginning. They looked cool but you thought you could make some improvements. So you grab one and head down to your workshop, knowing full well you might get in trouble later.

You worked freelance to keep your creative freedom so you had everything you need just below your apartment. Hours pass in a blur and suddenly big arms encircle you. “What the fuck do you think you are doing Y/n” Bakugou growls in your ear from behind, sending a shiver down your body.

Acting perfectly calm you turn to face him and say matter of factually “Making you more badass”. He scoffs and replies sounding a bit annoyed but intrigued “oh ya? How so?”

A sly smile spreads across your face, you were not in trouble... yet. “Did you know the sweat in your palms isn’t pure nitro?” You ask in a way that was obvious you already knew he didn’t know.

Bakugou starts to ask you how you knew that but then stops himself knowing that at any point you could have gotten a sample from him while he was asleep.

You explain that you created a way to concentrate his sweat into pure nitroglycerin and the rest evaporates through a vent. This allowed you to design a much less bulky gauntlet. Instead of looking like one big grenade your CAD drawing looked more like packs of explosives strapped on his arm. “Each one holds quite a powerful concentrated amount of your nitro. It’s smaller but holds almost twice the power. So less bulky and more efficient!” you explain.

Bakugou evaluates your design, showing no sign of being pleased or pissed until he finally says “Okay. Make it” You squee out loud in excitement. “I’ve rigged my shop to start the machining process automatically so I just have to hit start for now and check on it again in a few hours”

Looking you up and down Bakugou asks “you sleep at all?” and you just look away not saying anything. “It’s 4am, you should get a few hours in” he says sternly.

You miss a lot of sleep and meals when you get into a project. Laser focused on perfecting the task in front of you. Bakugou has forced you to eat and sleep in the past, claiming that he needed his favorite toy charged up for him next time. He fusses a lot more than you would have guessed considering he is ranked at #1 least friendly of new Pro Heros.

Sensing your incoming protest Bakugou picks you up princess style and carries you upstairs. You squirm and resist his firm grip, knowing it’s useless against his strength. “HEY! if you don't sit still I’ll throw you over my shoulders like a sack” You knew all too well that wasn't a bluff and spitefully obeyed him. Bakugou lays you down somewhat gently in the bed and holds you to his chest. “Go to sleep” he commands. You can’t help at giggle at the fact that he’s being so nurturing to a hook up."Oi, what the hell are you giggling at?” he asks in an obviously annoyed tone. “I know you just wanted me rested for a good fuck later but i can take care of myself. No need to pretend you give a damn.” you reply flatly while tracing your fingers over his firm chest. Suddenly he shoves you back and takes you by the jaw so you are forced to look him in the eyes. Leaning slightly over you with his deadly eyes fixed on yours he growls “You are the dumbest smart person I have ever met. I mean really how is it possible you are this dense”

Confusion and anger sweeps over you. Bakugou was really angry right now. More angry than he has ever been around you. “I am not DUMB” you yell back defensively. “Oh ya then answer this question, what the fuck about my personality says I would stick around and look after someone I don't give a damn about” he yells. And it dawned on you. Bakugou isn’t the type to make sure someone that doesn’t matter to him eats regularly or sleeps enough. In fact at first he would just fuck you and leave. But he started sleeping over sometimes. You figured he was just tired from his work. I mean there is NO WAY Bakugou Katsuki would ever get attached to some random hookup. Right? But then why did he start cooking you breakfast in the mornings or check to make sure you were drinking enough water... How did you miss this? The whole reason you decided to keep this up is because you thought for sure there was no risk of this happening. You’re not the type to miss details... Bakugou loosened his grip on your face seeing that it was starting to hit you. He didn't rush you though. It was an uncharacteristic show of patience. You stared at him. You wanted him. And not just sexually. Somehow he has become comfortable in your life. Looking back over the last few weeks you realized you would even miss him when we was gone. A small joy would flutter in your heart when you heard him knock.. you had written this off excitement for getting laid.. you had been lying to yourself for weeks now. Finally you managed to say in a quite voice “You like me” A cocky and small grin spread on Bakugou’s face “About fucking time” he said as he leaned in and kissed you sweetly. This was a kiss Bakugou has never given you before. Usually his kisses were rough and passionate. You felt this kiss through your whole body and for the first time in a long time your felt vulnerable beneath someone. Pulling back from you Bakugou traced his thumb on you bottom lip and said “And you like me.” A small tear ran down your face. You had shut out so many emotional needs and just focused on work for so long. You hadn't wanted this but somehow Bakugou got through to you. That asshole. You take him into a deep and passionate kiss. This lights a fire in Bakugou and he returns your show of enthusiasm by pushing you forcefully against the bed and holding your wrists in his hands. He begins to kiss down your chest and nip at the tender flesh of your breasts. You let out small moans as he pulls your tank top down and reaches your nipples. He starts sucking and biting at your nipples with a dedicated enthusiasm. Your whole body feels hot and your back arches against his hold on you. His head drops down your stomach to between your thighs, finally releasing you from his grip. Your hands quickly grasp his hair as he kisses your clit through your wet panties. “That didn’t take much. You are soaked y/n” he says wickedly, making you whine. Bakugou bites your inner thigh and then licks it to sooth any pain. He is perfect at pushing your limits, knowing exactly how far to go. Little bite marks now line both of your thighs and you wiggle your hips begging for attention to be brought to your puffy clit. Sliding your soaked panties to the side he takes his finger and rubs your clit in small circles but its not enough so you attempt to grind against his fingers. He pulls back and says “Greedy fucking bitch” before suddenly shoving two fingers inside your tight pussy. The shock sending electricity up your body and for a moment he finger fucks you with the intensity you have been begging for before stopping. You let out a sad moan at the loss of your fullness. Before you can complain further he lowers his head to your clit and begins licking your clit forcefully. Again causing you to surge with sudden pleasure. You hear him moan in satisfaction. You knowing he is getting off on making you feel good. The vibrations from his moan hitting your clit in exquisite pleasure. He slides two fingers inside you again and finds that magic spot curving upward and hits it again and again. Each stroke sending you towards your climax. Knowing you are close he intensifies his tongue strokes and you release on his fingers, your tight walls clenching around him in orgasmic pulses. Before you can come down off your high he sits up and pulls out his dick, red and twitching from waiting so long. He strokes himself a few times to spread precum from his tip across his shaft, while marveling at how much of a mess you are from your orgasm. “You're so damn beautiful y/n” he says quietly as he inserts himself into you, filling you completely. Overstimulated from your recent organism his entering your body sends intense pleasure through you. Bakugou thrusts himself into you at a brutal pace, overwhelming your cunt. He holds your hips tight so he can be fully within you. Quickly you start to build up to your climax with each lightning thrust from Bakugou. Stopping just before your climax Bakugou pulls out and turns you over easily as of you weigh nothing, once again sliding into you as deep as he can from behind. He reaches his arm around you to hold you by the neck and pull your back up to his chest. Firmly choking you by pressing on the sides of your neck. You begin to feel your pleasure heighten as you melt in his arms completely. “Good girl” he whispers in your ear. You feel his hot breath on your neck and it sends shivers down your body. Using his other hand he begins to rub your clit “do you want to cum” he asks in a deep growl “ye.. yes” you chock out. “I’m not convinced. Beg me.” he commands in a whisper as he slows his thrusts. You cry at the loss of his momentum. “Please. I want to cum. Please Katsuki” you say desperately in your overstimulated and dumb state. At hearing his first name come from your lips for the first time katsuki goes over the edge, pumping wildly into you while rubbing your clit. “Cum for me. Cum like a good girl y/n” he says out of breath and almost on command you release and ride out your orgasm on him. It melts over you in waves and you moan as loudly as you can through his grip. Your walls tighten and spasm around his dick and send him into his own release, filling you with his hot cum. He gently lowers you onto the bed, again taking in the site of you and smiling in satisfaction at job well done. He knows no one could ever fuck you as good as he does. You love seeing this look of pride in his face when you’re done, because it means you did good too. Said the right things, begged in the right ways to make him go that level of crazy. Without saying a word he walks over and gets you a glass of water and a towel. He is always good at after care. After you both come down from your highs you look at him and ask “So can I call you Katsuki now?” he smirks and says “Duh, I am your boyfriend. You can call me what you want... except Kacchan or Blasty.” You feel your blush on your face at his words and you ask shyly “You’re my boyfriend now?” Looking at you  directly Katsiki replies “Ya, if you want me to be.” Blushing now even more red than before you answer “Yes. And I am your girlfriend” you say just barely holding his gaze. Not being able to handle how cute this all was you buried your face in his chest and the both of you drift into a much needed rest.

#mha smut #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha bakugou #bnha #bnha smut #mha fan #bnha fanfiction #bakugou fanfiction #bakugou katuski x reader

[clouditae]

D*ck-N-Out

Taehyung x reader | 18+ | oneshot | fast food worker au | smut | fluff | swearing

Lovely banner maker: @chillingtae

Lovely beta: @jinned​

Word count: 10k

Sometimes you never know how much you’re craving something until you get that first taste, and you’re tasting plenty in the back of your local In-N-Out restaurant

Fast F*cking Food Masterlist

You pull into your parent’s driveway, their red brick and blackish gray shingles looking like it did when you left for college two years ago. It’s not big compared to the other houses, but when you first moved in at the age of thirteen, it was the biggest house you’ve ever lived in. Now, it’s just a home that contains so many memories, you hope your parents never move. 

Turning off the ignition, you gather your bag and phone before exiting your car. The second you step out you can hear your mom’s high pitch cheers as you turn to watch her run down the steps and towards you with arms wide open. She’s smiling wide and happily as she brings you into the tightest hug you’ve ever been in.

“My baby’s home,” she cries, swaying the two of you side to side.

You let out a choked laugh as you pat her back. “Hi, Mom.”

She separates from you, cupping your cheeks as she plants your face full of kisses. “I’ve missed you so much,” she says.

“I’ve missed you, too,” you tell her, relieved she finally let you go long enough for your dad to bring you into a warm hug that isn’t tight like your mom’s. “Hi, Dad.”

He places a kiss at the top of your head as he mumbles, “Hi, sweetie.” As the two of you break your hug, he adds, "Let's get your bags." You watch him as he goes to the back of your trunk and opens it, pulling out your large suitcase and two smaller bags. You go to help him, but your mom is eager to take you inside and talk your ear off about everything you've already heard over the phone.

"How was your drive? Did you eat breakfast already? Lunch? I heard Theo came back into town as well. Did you see him along the way?" she pries, leading you into the living room and into the spacious kitchen where she plants you on the wooden chair at the table. She gets to work on getting you something to drink and most likely a snack.

Theo. One of the boys from high school you know, but more importantly, he’s the son of your mom’s best friend whom she has known for years. Your mom always wanted you and Theo to get together. She consistently tried her best to get you to go on dates together when they would come over for dinner, or the three of you would be over at their place. Even Mrs. Bonet tried her best a few times because she absolutely adored you. The funny thing is, the two of you did give it a shot at the good ol’ age of fourteen. Clearly the two of you weren't ready to date yet, but with the ideas your moms gave, the two of you couldn't help but see. It didn't work back then, and it won't work now.

"I didn't see him. I haven't seen him since we graduated," you say slightly irritated, looking towards the front door to see your dad place your luggage next to the front door as he closes it and makes his way towards the two of you. He takes a seat across from you as your mom places two glasses of water in front of the both of you.

"Well that's a shame. Especially when the two of you go to the same university," she mumbles, taking a seat next to your dad as she rests her arms on the table. Theo, Theo, Theo—you might as well date him if it’ll mean never having her push you two together so hard. "So, tell me everything," she says with enthusiasm, changing the subject completely and bringing you out of your rant. 

By the time you're done telling her the same story she's heard every day, you grab your luggage and make your way towards your old bedroom. You unpack and message a few friends of yours before taking a quick nap. It isn't until you hear a knock at your door that you wake up to the sky turning a pinkish orange. The door opens and your mom's head pops in. "Are you hungry?"

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you give a small nod as you sit up. "Yeah. What did you make?"

"I haven't gone shopping, so I was wondering if you were in the mood for some In-N-Out."

"In-N-Out?" Your hand drops to your lap as you frown in confusion. "That's here?"

The door fully opens as she enters the room with excitement in her eyes. "Yes! They opened it about a month ago, and it's always packed, but it's really good!" She claps her hands with glee. "Would you like that for dinner?"

You can tell she really wants you to have it, and you've heard a lot of people talk about it as they open up restaurants in neighboring cities. So, you nod, climbing out of your bed as you reply, "I'll go get it."

"That's okay, sweetie. You drove for four hours already, you don't need to drive for the rest of the day," she says, as you begin to put on your shoes and grab your wallet.

"It's fine, Mom. I haven't been here for almost a year. I want to see what's changed and where this new fast food place is at." You decide, walking with her out of your room and down the hall towards the front door. "Just send me the address and what you want."

After a few more minutes of back and forth conversations, you finally managed to get on the road and follow the directions to the new restaurant. You take the familiar roads you've taken since you were a kid. Things have upgraded and changed over the past year, but the familiarity of certain stores and spots you’ve hung out at have stayed the same. Down this street you had your first kiss with a boy named Seungi. You remember the two of you sitting at a bench eating ice cream in a somewhat awkward silence. The two of you had nothing to say really, until he broke that silence saying you had leftover ice cream on your lips. Before you could wipe it, he leaned in and kissed you. It was the cutest first kiss. A memory you will never forget.

 Little pieces of memories flood your thoughts as you continue down the road until the GPS instructs you to turn right at the upcoming stop light.

In the strip mall, you can see an unfamiliar building nestled at the corner next to a McDonalds. The line for In-N-Out is exactly like your parents explained it to be. Long. You pull into the lot and, with your eyes, follow the line of cars waiting to have their orders taken until you find the back of the line, several stores down. Letting out a sigh, you blast the AC, pull out your phone and begin to reply to your group chat of friends.

[Thursday, August 6th, 6:25pm] Ahyeon: We're meeting up right? We have to! All of us are finally in town!!!

[Thursday, August 6th, 6:26pm] Kim: Yes! There’s a reunion party at Toby’s place. Everyone is going so we should meet up there and see everyone we actually liked in high school. I hope the popular ones look like garbage.

[Thursday, August 7th, 6:28pm] Bean: I’m sooo down. Y/N definitely needs to go! She’s the only single one in this group and needs to find a bf or at least get laid

[Thursday, August 7th, 6:29pm] Lain: Single Y/N needs to get pussy tingled~

You send a message to argue your reason for being single. College is more important to you, and your roommate is failing her classes because she’s always with her boyfriend and skipping classes. You’re not looking to do that. 

You agree to meeting up at the party as the line moves ever so slowly. It’s about twenty minutes later of texting the group and defending yourself as much as possible, inching the car forward, that you’re finally at the speaker. The menu is extremely short. Three meal items to choose from—to which they’re basically all the same with an exception of do you want cheese, no cheese, or a double pattie, and a few side items to get. So which one do you want? One, two or three?

"Welcome to Dick-N-Out can I take your order?" the voice says through the speaker.

You blink a few times, registering if the guy on the speaker just said dick. "I'm sorry?"

"Welcome to In-N-Out. Can I take your order?" he repeats.

“Oh. Uh”–you glance at the paper your mom gave you of their orders and read it to him. They have jungle fries? Why is it a secret? Taking quick glances at the menu, you quickly pick your order and let him know you’re done with his three item menu. He repeats it back, tells you the price before you scoot your car forward, being short of reaching the first window due to the car in front of you preventing you from going further. Quickly digging in your wallet for your money, you realize you're a few dollars short and decide on using your card. The car in front of you moves forward and so do you, pulling to a stop at the first window.

You can’t see the man's face as he has his back to you, appearing to be talking with someone in the back before he turns his attention towards you. And you swear you feel like you are going to throw up right then and there. To your surprise, a familiar face opens the small window, a look of boredom written all over his sculpted face, dark brown eyes dull and annoyed to be here. Taehyung. “Twenty-One even,” he says, deep voice silky and sending a familiar warmth throughout your body.

You hand him a card, watching him carefully, but not obviously as you wonder if he remembers you the way you instantly remember him. You’ve known him since middle school, and you’ve been in almost every class with him all through high school–hell you were even his project partner once. But he’s Taehyung. He was the most popular guy in school and always had the girls and guys–everyone swooning over him. You happen to have been one of those people swooning over him. He won’t remember you–you weren’t popular in high school and you’re definitely not his type. Girls like Allison are his type: pretty blonde with that cute smile and bubbly personality. You’re not his type, so of course he won’t remember you. You were just another girl in a sea of others.

“Here you go,” he says, cutting you off from your thoughts. You take the card and thank him, doing your best to not sound dejected from your own comments. “Have a nice night,” he says before closing the window and going back to work at taking another customer’s order.

Yup. Another girl.

After getting your food and drinks, you thank the worker before taking off and heading back to the house. You’re going to have to call your friends tonight to ask them about Taehyung. You could have sworn he went off to some university in New York or something, so why is he working here when his parents are loaded and he has money from working with his dad? So many questions and not enough time to ask on this short ten minute drive.

You're lying in bed after finishing dinner and watching a movie with your parents. You can’t deny that the food was good. You also can’t deny that you’re shocked they don’t put salt on the fries but on the side in little packets for you to put on. In your honest opinion they taste better without it, and there’s a lot they give you.

What you can’t get over is life playing a little game on you within those few minutes of talking with your friends since leaving the drive thru. First they tease you for being single and saying you need to have sex like you haven’t had sex in years–in your defense, it’s only been a year and it’s not eating you up like people say it should. You got busy with school and just don’t have time to find a fling. Then at the speaker you could have sworn you heard him say Dick-N-Out instead of In-N-Out. You weren’t imagining it because you suddenly got in the mood to be dicked down. And then Taehyung, your crush of four plus years is working the drive thru and taking your order. What kind of messed up game is that?

You tried to get a hold of your friends, but they were busy and said they’ll all get together for a call either tomorrow night or the next morning. So, you’ll have to wait to spill the beans as to what happened at In-N-Out today. For now you can just scroll through social media to find out what he’s been up to. Find out if he’s still with Allison or not. God you hope not. She’s nice and everything, but she is the biggest bitch you’ve ever met.

Clicking on the app almost everyone is on, you begin your research. You don’t know his username so you’ll have to go through friends of friends to find him, but who first? You click on Emi’s, her being the most active and social out of the group, she’s bound to be friends with half the school. You scroll through her friend’s list until you find Mason, captain of the soccer team. Well, former captain. He was good friends with the quarterback of the football team. Clicking on him, bits and pieces of memories of him come back. He was super sweet, something you don’t expect when it comes to the quarterback after so many stereotypical movies involving them. Jason Seagull, he called himself–strange name, but people loved it. Continuing, you go further and further into the sea of popular students you know until you find her. 

Allison.

There’s no way she’s not friends with Taehyung, so you click on her profile, browsing through her page. There’s photos of her at the beach, some sappy ‘I love my life’ crap for the caption, a few photos of her with her friends you recognize, and very little of her at her university–something she bragged about your final year in school. All because it’s an Ivy League. There’s no photos of her and Taehyung within the past year, so your guess is that they’re not together. You keep scrolling and scrolling until you find a photo that you’ve been looking for but still makes your heart jump.

Taehyung and Allison are at some party, people in the background as he carries her on his back. She has her arms wrapped around his neck loosely, her cheek pressed against his as they both smile widely and looking perfect. He still looks the same now as he did in the photo you're staring at. Chestnut curls falling over his forehead and brushing along the tip of his ears, dark brown eyes always a mystery you wish to uncover, and a boxy grin plastered on his face. You didn't see his smile, but you know it's always there when he's happy.

Reading her post on it, you click on his tagged name, feeling your heart race as it takes you to his page. There's photos of him everywhere; the beach, a cafe, at an art museum and so many more places. You continue to scroll down until you find a photo of him at what looks like his university. So, he's still going to school, and your guess is his school ends earlier than yours. You're nosy for another fifteen minutes until exhaustion kicks in and you're slowly falling into a deep slumber.

It's been over a week since you've been home and you're currently getting ready for the party your friends have been pestering you to go to. You'd prefer to meet them at one of their houses, but they're dedicated to partying together. They want to see everyone from high school and see you at the same time. You really don't have a choice but to agree.

Jumping into your jeans, buttoning and zipping it closed, you do a once over in the mirror. Deciding you look great, you slip on a pair of boots, grab your bag that matches your black top, and head out your bedroom. You head towards the living room where your parents sit on the sofa watching a movie. They look over their shoulder when you say, "Okay. I'll be back later tonight. I might stay at Bean's tonight, but I'll let you guys know later." As you grab your key off the hook you say your goodbyes and head out the door.

Closing the front door and locking it, you can hear a car pull up beside the curb. There's a honk as you turn around to see a familiar dark green car parked in front of your house. All four doors open and your friends pile out of the car cheering as they run to you and bring you into a group hug. You chuckle as you greet your friends, finally separating from them to get a clear view of their faces. Ahyeon, Lainey, Emi, Bean and Kim look like they did when you six graduated high school. Beautiful, young and full of life.

"Y/N, you look as beautiful as ever!" Kim says, cupping your cheeks and squeezing them.

"You guys look amazing, too," you compliment, rubbing your cheeks lightly when she finally let go.

"Ready to party?" Emi asks, wiggling her body in excitement.

"Let's party!" Lainey cheers, grabbing you and Bean's hands, dragging you towards Bean's car. The other girls cheer as they follow, all six of you pilling into the car. With the music blasting, the vehicle starts forward and towards the destination.

It takes around half an hour to get to the party where there are cars lined up and down the street, people standing outside the house, laughing and chatting. It takes Bean a minute to find a spot to park her car, but she finally manages to get a spot rather close to the house. Getting out, you fix your top clear of wrinkles as you drape your bag on your shoulder and follow your group of excited friends. Ahyeon loops an arm through yours as she smiles at you and walks alongside you down the sidewalk.

As you reach the party house, you immediately see a few faces you recognize. They notice your group and smile, a loud "hello" can be heard over the blasting music. You try your best to say hi as you're dragged into the building, the music louder than you thought. The pop music is blaring through the house, the vibrations running up your body through your feet and your eardrums rattle with every beat. Everything smelled of alcohol, sweat and there’s a faint smell of pizza. There are dozens of bodies within the confined spaces of the house. You can see them lining the stairs, the hallway and a few heading out the back door. 

“Let’s party!” Bean screams, grabbing hold of an excited Lainey as the two make their way through the large crowd and towards the kitchen where the alcohol must be. You shake your head as the rest of your group laughs and the four of you follow in suit. Reaching the kitchen and the line of ice chests that held all types of alcohol, Bean passes out bottles that she knows each one of you likes. 

Kim takes a light pink one, the words “Soju” written in fine print on the bottle as Emi happily takes a dark green bottle muttering, “Finally, someone has class in this place,” as she twists the cap to her gin and tonic. You watch as Ahyun eyes Kim’s drink curiously before requesting the drink, Bean happily giving your friend the same beverage.

Lainey is digging through the fridge for a bit before she triumphantly pulls out a carton of chocolate milk. “I’ve got the goods,” she calls out in satisfaction. 

Finally, Bean digs further into the ice chest before pulling out two bottles of Svedka and hands you one. You take it, reading the title again. It’s strawberry lemonade flavored Vodka. It looks like the bottle should be split between people, but you happily twist the cap open knowing she has no intention of sharing hers and expects the same from you and you hold out the glass towards the center for a “cheers!” before taking a swig of the rather delicious content. 

It doesn’t take long before you surprisingly finish your first bottle, not feeling much yet as you toss the cap to your second into the bucket pile of bottle caps and head outside for some fresh air. In the far off distance of the backyard, you can see a table with two empty chairs. Everyone who is in the backyard is swimming in the pool, sitting at the available chairs closer to the stereo and cases of alcohol. 

Making your way around the pool and running people, you walk past the small rose garden the owner of the house created. You hope no drunk idiot ruins such beauty. Taking a seat at the table, you take another drink of your beverage, feeling the cool liquid slide down your throat, your cheeks warm and slightly pink. As you watch the partygoers dance the night away, you begin to think of where they were in high school. Who was the jock, the cheerleader, the band kid and so on. It amazes you how people don’t see that status now—how the once popular girl is holding hands with the basketball player, their smiles bright and happy. 

You feel a tinge of jealousy as another couple practically go at it in the corner of the yard, their hands all over each other while a few people yell at them to take it somewhere else. You never took a chance at dating in school because you were so focused on finishing with the highest grades possible. You got valedictorian, a 4.0 GPA and wanted to get into the best school possible and enjoy life in college. You did… to an extent. You haven’t had a boyfriend in a while and, much to your dismay at agreeing with your friends, you haven’t had a fling in longer time than that. Being home could mean having that chance to go crazy. The question is whether you’ll do it or not.

A figure appears at the chair next to you. You look up and see Taehyung standing there, a half empty bottle in his hand. He’s looking off at the partygoers as he asks, “This seat taken?” 

“No,” you reply, voice small and can be barely heard over the blaring speakers. 

Taehyung takes a seat, his attention finally on you as he takes another swig of his bottle—its content now a quarter full. His eyes are half lidded, cheeks a shade of pink and smells of a woodsy spring lingers around him with a mixture of alcohol. He sets his beverage on the table and asks, “Didn’t I see you at the drive-thru the other day?”

You stumble over your words, taken by surprise. He actually recognized you. “Uh, yeah. That was me,” you answer, voice still small and not as confident as you hope it would be. 

“We went to Bayside,” he states matter of factly—tone not even showing a hint of questioning. 

"Yeah," you begin, shifting in your seat a bit, "we did. We had art together our senior year."

He's quiet for a moment as he studies you, his eyes looking from your eyes to a different body part on your face. You wonder if he's trying to remember seeing you in class. He sat at the back to the right while you sat at the front on the left side of class. You could never get a good look at him through all the students sitting in between, so Taehyung definitely could not see you.

"We had math the year before that, too." You think back for a moment, trying to remember if he's right. "You sat in the middle by Nathan," he informs, and then it clicks. He's right. The two of you had math together. He sat in the front—three people in front of you. You're honestly surprised he remembers that.

"Yeah," you mutter, tone clearly shocked.

He grabs his bottle and takes a final drink. "Why do you sound so shocked?"

"I-uh-I just wasn't expecting you to remember something like that," you confess.

He hums. "It's hard to forget someone like you," he says, standing up from his seat. "I'm gonna go grab another one. You want another?" he asks, gesturing to your beverage.

"Oh-uh, yes please," you answer. You watch him make his way towards the house, giving small nods to the people who greeted him in slurs. As he disappears, his comment lingers in your thoughts. What does he mean by you being hard to forget? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? You’re not sober enough to think hard on this, but you can’t help but wonder what he means. Maybe you should ask.

“Here you go,” Taehyung says, interrupting your thoughts. Blinking, you take the bottle, watching him as he uncaps his drink and takes a seat. “Which school did you end up choosing?”

“What?” How much does he know about you? Is it possible that he’s guessing you decided to go to college? 

“You talked a lot with your friend”—he snaps his finger, eyes looking above you in thought as he tries to remember a name—“I can’t remember her name—she’s blonde, hair short to her shoulders…”

“Bean?” you question, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Yeah. Bean,” he confirms, leaning back in his seat. “You talked a lot with her during art about the universities you applied to. You’re super smart, so I’m wondering which school you decided to go to.” 

Seems like he just knows a lot more than you thought. Hell, you never thought he’d take interest in your options when you first applied, let alone ask about it now. 

“I decided to go to Sloan,” you answer, finishing your drink in your hand before placing it on the table and grabbing your new one. “What about you?”

He rubs his eye slowly, clearly tired and drunk. “I stuck around and went to Bayside, but I just transferred, so I’m heading to Seatree in January.” 

Your brows raise in surprise. “Congratulations,” you tell him. “That’s a difficult school to get into.” Seatree is number three in ranking of Ivy Leagues—better than the one here. Getting into a university like that takes a lot of hard work. You hold out your bottle towards him. “To your acceptance,” you say.

He brings his drink to yours, clinking it and says, “To you getting out of here.”

The two of you talk for a while. You talk about high school, the professors you hate, what your future goals are, and so much more. You��ve never had a conversation last this long with Taehyung. You’re enjoying every bit of it. 

He chuckles shaking his head. “He just pulled his pants down and that was it,” he says. 

You laugh, wiping a fallen tear from the corner of your eye. “I can’t believe he did that. All to avoid having to take a final?”

“Yup. That bastard made up a lie and got a way with it. He took the final later and had enough time to study and pass the class.” He finishes his last bottle, placing it on the corner of the table filled with the rest of the empty glasses you two created. “There are so many more stories I can tell you,” he adds, shaking his head at all the stories that are possibly running through his mind right now.

“I’d love to hear them,” you slur, smiling like the biggest idiot in the world. You would love to have been there for half the stories he’s already told you. 

He smiles his heart winning smile and states, “It’s a shame we didn’t talk in high school. There are so many stories I could have told you that I don’t remember.” 

Your smile lessens to a small one. You look down at your empty bottle. “You and I are from two different worlds, the platform to connect us doesn’t exist.”

He hums in disagreement, earning your attention. You watch him as he looks from the crowd slowly growing smaller, then he looks towards you. “Talking with you would have been worth it.” 

Your mouth opens lightly, obviously surprised by his statement. What does he mean by that? That sentence has a lot of conclusions, and you don’t know which one to take. You’re too intoxicated to deal with these questions right now—especially when he’s saying all these words that make your heart flutter and bring up familiar feelings you had forgotten all those years ago when you graduated high school and never saw Taehyung again.

Maybe you should ask him on a date. Ask him to one night where it’s just the two of you like you wanted to when you first realized your feelings for him. Maybe today will be the day where he says ‘yes’.

“Y/N!” Kim’s voice calls from across the yard. You look towards her and the rest of your friends. “We’re leaving,” she yells, hands cupped over her mouth. 

You get up, grabbing as many empty bottles as you can. “Guess it’s time for me to go,” you tell him when you can carry no more. “Nice talk,” you add. Saying your ‘goodbye’ you turn and leave, making your way towards the waiting group. 

“I’m always working night shifts,” he shouts. You stop in your tracks and turn to look at him. He looks confidently drunk as he says, “I always close alone—best time to visit.” 

You’re grateful for your already red cheeks because you are blushing so hard right now. You say nothing and turn around, closing the gap between you and your friends. They all eye you with smirks on their faces. 

“Was our little Y/N hanging out with Taehyung?” Ahyeon teases, waving her finger at you. 

“From what I saw, Taehyung was flirting with her,” Lainey adds, her brows raising in a knowing manner. 

“He wasn’t flirting,” you counter, shaking your head as you head towards the barrels running along the wall of the back of the house. “He was being polite.” You dump all the bottles in one of the empty barrels. 

“He basically told you when he gets off work. He’s waiting for you to show up and give him the best sex of his life,” Bean states, crossing her arms over her chest. She knows you best, but she doesn’t know Taehyung, and he is definitely not waiting for you to have sex with him. 

You roll your eyes in slight annoyance. “Who’s driving?” 

“I am, party pooper,” Lainey answers, tone clearly bummed you’re not letting them have their fun with teasing. 

“Let’s order pizza and watch movies,” you say, hoping your suggestion will bring the group’s mood up a little. Thankfully it does and Lainey drives you all to Bean’s house where you have your own party in her basement and finally crash around sunrise. 

You’re debating with yourself as you lie in bed on a Wednesday afternoon. The sun is setting, giving your room an orange like glow to the white walls. Since you last saw your friends, and after their constant drunk teasing—well, besides Lainey who only drank chocolate milk the entire party, you are honestly considering whether you should go back to In-N-Out and see what happens with Taehyung. 

Sure you almost asked him out, but you were completely drunk and had so much more confidence than you do now. You’re sober and practically pushing away those thoughts. 

If fate wants you to go and ask him out, then it needs to appear before you now and tell you to do it. Yup. Fate needs to hurry up and show you this sign.

Your stomach growls, interrupting your thoughts. Climbing out of bed, you head out of your room and towards the kitchen. Your parents went to a party with their friends, so they'll be coming home late. You're on your own for dinner. Opening the fridge, your eyes scan for something to eat. You stand there for a bit, but nothing looks appealing. A small realization hits.

Is this the sign? Is this the sign telling you to go to In-N-Out?

You contemplate for a bit, trying to think of excuses to not go and see him, but you're not convincing yourself hard enough. In fact, you're telling yourself to dress up and head over there and see him.

The next thing you know, you're in your room looking for something cute to wear. You grab a mustard yellow sweater and light blue jeans. Slipping them on, you begin to do your make-up over and over until you're satisfied with it and you almost believe a professional did it rather than you. You went light on the eyes with a bit of brown and yellow eyeshadow and the darkest red lipstick you have. Fixing your hair just a bit, you're finally satisfied with yourself and get up from your vanity chair and go to your closet to grab a grey coat that stops close to your ankles. You dig further into your closet until you find a pair of forest green colored heeled boots and put them on. When everything is complete you do a once over in the mirror before heading out your room and down the hall.

Grabbing your bag and keys, you head out the front door, locking it and entering your car. Putting your car in reverse, you drive out of your driveway and down the street towards Taehyung's workplace.

What are you going to say when you get there? Are you just going to ask him out immediately? Strike up a conversation at first, get him interested in the conversation and then ask him out? What are you going to do? Say? What's the startup topic you're going to begin with?

With all the thoughts running through your mind, you didn't even realize that you made it to the restaurant and you're currently in the parking lot staring at the building a few feet away from where you're parked. You take in a few deep breaths and gather up the courage to exit your car. With your bag's strap draped over your shoulder, you clutch it tightly and begin your walk across the parking lot and towards the entrance doors.

When you enter the building, it's not as packed as you thought it would be. Your guess is because it's almost ten o'clock and no one really has dinner around this time. Walking up to the cash register, Taehyung is nowhere to be seen. Is today his day off? Did you fuck up already?

The man behind the cash register looks you up and down, making you suddenly aware of how fancy your outfit is at a fast food restaurant. You're suddenly self conscious, but you play it off like you wore this with purpose. You could have just gotten off work—what's it to him? You give the man your order and hand him your change, accepting the receipt and cup before heading towards the drink dispenser.

After filling your cup, you find a seat at the back corner next to the window, looking out onto the parking lot. Finally taking notice of your surroundings after realizing that Taehyung isn't here, you realize that the drive thru is the shortest you've ever seen. You were so wrapped up in your fear of attempting to ask Taehyung out that you finally realize that you're way overdressed. You feel ridiculous for dressing up to go to a fast food restaurant and order food.

"Order number eighty-seven," a worker calls, and you get up from your chair and head towards the front. Stepping up to the counter and grabbing your tray, someone says, "Nice outfit." You look up from your food and at the person standing in front of you on the other side of the counter to see Taehyung. He's wearing a white collared shirt with the In-N-Out logo on it, and a tug boat hat with the logo on it as well.

Why does he look so damn good in it?

"Thank you," you mumble, looking away feeling suddenly shy.

"Enjoy your meal," he says, earning back your attention. "You look cute by the way," he adds before turning away and disappearing into the back, and as you watch him disappear, he’s wearing white pants with a red, short apron. You can’t help but admire his ass until it’s gone. 

Taking your tray, you head to your seat and begin to eat your extremely late dinner. As you eat you begin to debate with yourself once again. Are you supposed to wait until closing time for him? That's three hours from here. How slow do you need to eat for it to be closing time? Will it just be him or will his coworkers be here as well? 

In the end you finish your meal and leave immediately after. You didn't have the courage to stick around.

You're back again, dressed less fancy and currently crossing the parking lot to the entrance doors. 

It's been a couple of days since you were last here, but you gathered the courage and came back to do what you couldn't do last time. You even came at a later time so that you don't have to wait over three hours for him to get off. 

You enter the building and stand behind the person currently having their order taken. You look towards the  back to see if you can spot him anywhere. So far you don't see him. 

"I can help next in line," the cashier says, and your gaze is towards her as you step up to her register. You give her your order, hand her the change and take the receipt. "We'll call you when your order is ready," she tells you as you thank her and head to fill your cup. 

You wait at your table for a few minutes eyeing the back in hopes of seeing Taehyung. Even when your name is called you still don't see him. It takes you a good fifteen minutes to realize that Taehyung isn't working today and you leave the building with low hopes.

You're back again! This time he has to be working and you can’t leave either! Walking inside the restaurant, you immediately notice Taehyung working the register, staring down and messing with the keys. You exhale, mentally motivating yourself and make your way over to him. 

When you reach him, he looks up at you and smiles, sending a million butterflies to flutter in your stomach. “Third time’s the charm—” You interrupt him.

“Let’s go on a date,” you tell him, gathering all the courage you have tonight. He’s grinning now as he says nothing but stare at you, and you suddenly lose all that courage as you mumble, “O-only if you want to.” 

“Are you going to stay this time?” he asks, resting his palms at the edge of the counter and leans forward just a bit. “I don’t want to end my shift and not see you here. Again.” 

A light blush creeps across your cheeks. “I’ll stay,” you answer, playing with the bottom of your red shirt. 

“Okay,” he says, standing up and begins to press buttons before opening and closing the tray to the register, reaching down and placing a cup on the counter in front of you. “On the house.” He goes to the back and you grab the cup, heading to fill it with your choice of drink. 

After receiving your food, you eat in silence, and about ten minutes after you began eating, you watch as several employees leave the building. They chat amongst each other clearly happy to leave an hour before closing. 

An hour? Where are they going? You look to the front and see no one. Is Taehyung still here? He didn’t leave you, right? That would be a fucked up move if he did—

The lights cut out, with only back up lights filling the dim room. A figure appears from the back, walking around the counter and towards the glass doors. It takes a bit for your eyes to adjust but you eventually realize it’s Taehyung as he locks the doors. You hear the keys jingle before he places them in his apron pocket. You swallow a lump in your throat as he walks over to your table, taking a seat across from you. 

“You in the mood to start this date now? My shift ended early.” 

You can’t help but giggle. “I’m okay with starting now,” you reply, grabbing a fry and taking a bite out of it. 

He smiles a familiar boxy smile. “Good. So, since our last conversation, I managed to come up with a few more questions.”

You hum. “Shoot.” 

He adjusts in his seat, leaning forward and resting his arms on the table. “I always thought you and Bonet were a secret thing.” 

You cock your head to the side in confusion. “Me and Theo?” You shake your head this time and correct, “We did go out once, but it didn’t work out.” 

“Why? Too young?” he implores. 

“That, and he had a crush on August. They’ve been dating since August and Theo came out around the same time,” you comment. He nods in acknowledgement. “Now I have a question for you,” you say. 

He chuckles. “Shoot,” he repeats. 

“Why are the jungle fries a secret?” you inquire, taking a drink from your red and white cup. 

He furrows his brows. “That’s your question?”

“Are you avoiding the question?” You raise your brows, fighting back a smile.

He can only sigh. “It’s not on the menu, but it is online and we do make it if asked. That’s why it’s a secret.” 

“That’s a strange reason,” you comment, taking a bite out of your burger.

“My turn,” he says, and so the two of you spend almost an hour basically playing 20 Questions. Finally he asks, “Walk with me while I make sure everything is ready for tomorrow before we head out?” 

“Sure,” you agree, picking up your tray and getting up from your seat to dump it in the trash, placing the tray on the shelf above the trash can. 

Following him behind the counter, you scan the back with eager eyes. From all the movies and shows you’ve seen revolving around working at a fast food restaurant, it looks almost the same. Stations for each employee to focus on, fridges for cold items and trays full of vegetables. Taehyung is busy double checking everything, and as you watch him, you can’t help but think of all the possibilities he could have working the night shift. 

“Have you ever had sex back here?” you blurt out, full of curiosity, but not really thinking of what you just asked. 

You watch as he turns to look at you in surprise. “You’re curious as to whether I had sex back here or not?”

You shrug. “I’d be surprised if you did,” you state.

He shakes his head and turns his attention back to the items in front of him. “I have,” he answers, and your mouth opens slightly in shock. “Had to delete the footage because I realized the camera caught us.” 

“No way,” you mutter, voice clearly surprised. 

He laughs, “There are a lot of rumors that’s happened on BTS.” 

“Like what?” you implore, taking a step towards him.

“There’s this weird dude that works at Arby’s who is way too dedicated to his job. He’s a sign spinner— the cowboy at the corner. People say he fucks people in bushes,” he tells you. 

"No way," you say in disbelief. "There's no way someone would be sneaky enough to have sex in a bush out in the open. Cars drive by, and no one has seen them?" 

"He has yet to be caught." Taehyung shakes his head in his own disbelief.

"So, everyone is having sex in their workplace it seems," you comment, watching him as places everything back where he found them. 

He walks further towards the back with you following after, stating, "I only know of Arby's and obviously here. McDonald's, Starbucks and the rest of the places I don't know if they're as creative as we are." 

"Creative," you repeat with a chuckle. 

He stops in his track at the back room where you can see the first window where people pay for their food to your left, and a closed door to your right with a small gold plaque with a sign 'manager' printed on it. 

"You feel like seeing the creativity I can come up with?" He asks, a brow raised in a questioning yet teasing manner. 

You can't help but laugh a little louder. "You can trick your manager once, but you're not getting off trying to be "creative" a second time," you tell him, using air quotes for his term of being dirty in a fast food restaurant.

He grabs his hat and tosses it up behind you. You follow the cap as it flies across the hall and catches perfectly the camera facing the two of you. Your head whips back towards him as he stands there with his arms crossed over his chest. “Your move, sweet.” 

With warmed cheeks, you utter, “There’s no way…” 

“Whatever you want to do, I’ll play along. If you’d rather go on a date at a park or just chill in the car, okay.” He takes a step closer, his body inches from you, breath fanning your lips as he adds, “If you want to get creative, I’m more than happy to do it.” His eyes glance to your lips before going back up to your wide-eyed ones. “Your call.” 

You feel like you’re about to burst with how close he is. You can see his eyes so clearly—the lust that’s hidden beneath those chocolate colored eyes. The hunger that’s looming over you, teasing you and sending chills throughout your body. He’s not even touching you, yet you can feel his hands brush along your skin with a hot trail following after. You want this just as much as he does. 

So what’s stopping you?

Crashing your lips to his, you grab a hold of his shirt and bring his body as close as possible to yours. Taehyung doesn’t hesitate to cup your cheeks and kiss you with as much need as you. Lips move along each other with hunger, teeth biting bottom lips, tongues grazing along flesh, begging for entrance. 

The two of you are not patient at all as he helps you remove your top, quickly doing the same with his own. He cups your clothed breasts, squeezing and groping roughly as his tongue swirls around yours, his hot breath making your skin feel sweaty. 

You run your hands through his hair, pulling roughly, earning a groan from him as his hands travel behind you to unclasp your bra. Releasing your grip on his locks, you take your bra off and drop it to the ground, the kiss breaking as his lips travel down to your neck, biting and licking until he reaches your breasts. He plays with one with his hand while the other is occupied with his mouth, his tongue creating circles around your nipple, teeth biting and sucking. You moan, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling. He pinches your other nipple just as hard as he’s biting it. 

“Tae—” Your words catch in your throat as he switches, his fingers pinching your already sensitive tip and biting the other. “Go further,” you beg, watching him as he breaks away from your breasts to look at you. “I need your tongue.” 

He grins a cheeky grin. “Your wish is my command,” he tells you before getting to his knees in front of you. He sure does take his time with removing your pants as you had already removed your shoes. Grabbing the waistband to your jeans, he slowly lowers them down until they’re at your ankles. You’re quicker than he is and completely remove them by using your feet to hold one side down while the other foot struggles to be free. You kick them to the side once they’re no longer around your ankles. 

“Eager I see,” he comments, but he doesn’t give you time to respond as he leans forward and bits your core through your panties. You let out a small gasp, spreading your legs out more for him. He bites and prods with his finger your clothed core, trailing his finger down between your slit. You can’t help but shutter, closing your eyes, enjoying the feeling of it. 

You want more, but you wait. You wait for a small build up he’s creating for you until you’re moving your hips against his finger. Finally, he takes a hold of your underwear and pulls it down. Lifting one leg, he completely removes them and turns his attention back to your naked body. He grabs your leg and lifts it onto his shoulder, spreading your legs as far as he can without you falling over. 

He doesn’t waist anytime getting to work eating you out. Taehyung starts by licking your bead, earning small hip thrusts from the sudden touch. Little moans escape your lips as you throw your head back, your back arching as he swirls his tongue around your clit, his fingers playing between your folds. You cry out his name as he begins to suck, your body jerking, hands gripping his hair and pulling his head closer to your womanhood. 

You’re grinding yourself against his mouth when he finally stops his fingers at your entrance and inserts two digits, sending you closer to your orgasm. His fingers thrust into you, curling and hitting your g-spot with such ferocity that your body is shaking and hunched over, saying his name like a mantra. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down as he finger fucks the life out of you. His mouth never takes a break as he flicks, sucks and swirls around your swollen bean. 

You’ve never been with someone as well practiced as Taehyung. He doesn’t stop his movements as he gets you to your high, white spots invading your vision, breath catching in your throat, toes curling and body spasming so hard that when you’ve finished your orgasm, you fall to your knees in front of him. He catches you and you sit on his leg.  

Panting roughly, you barely whisper, “Oh my God.” 

Taehyung chuckles. “Are you okay?”

You look up at him, your juices glistening from the light in the kitchen around his lips. You clean it off him with your hand. “That was amazing,” you comment, your hand trailing down his chest. 

He shrugs. “I’ve got years of practice under my belt.” 

You laugh at his statement, shaking your head. “Well, it’s only fair I repay you,” you say, getting to your feet and he does the same. You push him against the wall at the opposite end of the hall, his eyes are full of lust again when you gaze at him. His hands reach for your face, but you stop them from reaching you, adding, “Ah-ah. We’re going to see how long you last before you touch me.” 

He groans, “You repay me by not letting me touch you? That’s unfair, babygirl.” 

You grin. “Life is never fair,” you tell him, getting to your knees and focusing your attention on his bulge hidden beneath his white pants. You unbutton and unzip his jeans, gazing your eyes up to see him staring intently at you. He sticks his tongue out to lick his lower lips, his eyes full of hunger like you’re his prey and he’s ready to pounce. 

You grab both his pants and waistband to his boxers and slowly drag them down until they are at his ankles. His member is hard and almost hits your lips when it sprung free. Your eyes widen at its size, mouth watering at the sight of it, and your core getting wet all over again at the thought of it pounding you into oblivion. 

“Remember,” you begin, the tips of your fingers brushing along his penis, “No touching.” You stick your tongue out and lick his tip, his body jerking from the sensation. 

Your tongue circles around his tip, deep, heavy breaths can be heard coming from Taehyung. You can see his hand clench into a fist next to him. He wants you to do more—touch you and guide you where he wants you to be, but he’s resisting so hard. So, you take the desperate hint and take him fully into your mouth, earning a low growl from him. 

“Your mouth is so warm,” he says in a husky tone. “Fuck.” 

You swirl your tongue around him as you bring your head back and then push forward again, taking him as deep as you can. You continue to bob your head back and forth, sucking on his tip every now and then as he moans in pleasure, his hands going up into his hair or balling into fists at his sides. He curses under his ragged breaths, thrusting his hips to meet you at a faster pace. 

You release him from your mouth, grabbing his shaft and lifting it up to place your lips on his balls, your mouth opening to grab what you can and suck. Taehyung is moaning louder and cursing more than he was earlier. His legs shake from the pleasure he can’t contain. 

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck—I can’t take it anymore,” he grunts, reaching his hand down to grab yours holding his girth. He helps you to your feet, quickly getting his feet out of his boxers and jeans, and pushes you backwards until your back is against the cold, tiled walls. You can’t help but gasp at the feeling of it. “I need to be in you, Y/N. I need to feel you,” he pleads, his lips brushing along yours, his member pressing against your walls in a desperate attempt to feel warmth between your legs. 

“Please,” you say, lifting a leg up and he takes a hold of it, lifting it higher as his other hand lines himself at your entrance and finally pushes in. The both of you let out moans, kissing each other desperately. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight and wet,” he groans, pulling himself out and then pushing back in. “You’re so warm. Shit—I don’t know how long I can last. You feel amazing, babygirl.” 

You grab his free hand and bring it to your lips. Taking his middle finger, you put it in your mouth, sucking on it and swirling your tongue around it as if it were his shaft. “Fuck me,” you command, biting his finger just a bit. 

“Oh, baby. I’m going to make your legs feel like jelly,” he murmurs, thrusting into you roughly. Your gasp is caught in your throat as he thrusts deeply into you, giving you no time to catch your breath as he fucks you without a second thought. His finger leaves your mouth, trailing down your body and to your breast to squeeze it as his mouth latches onto your neck. 

You feel a small pain on your neck from him biting your skin, a soft touch from his hand fondling your boob and immense pleasure as he enters you with a rhythmed pace. You claw his back, clutch his hair as you moan in the empty building, your voice louder than the hums of the freezer that can be heard somewhere in the kitchen. 

“Oh my God, yes. Don’t stop, Tae—right there,” you ramble, arching your back as he hits your sensitive spot. “Fuck yes, right there.” 

He grips your thigh tightly, breathing heavily into your neck as sweat drips down both of your bodies. You can feel a hickey growing as he sucks on your skin where your shoulder and neck meet. He doesn’t care and neither do you as you try your best to thrust your hips to meet his fast pace, desperately wanting to reach your orgasm. 

“Please touch me,” you beg, gripping his shoulders for balance as your right leg, keeping you up, is shaking. “I’m so close,” you rasp.

His hand that was once fondling your breast is immediately trailing down between your bodies and to your delicate bead. He presses his fingers to it and begins his circular motion, creating a friction your body cannot take. You let out a cry as you wrap your arms around him and hug him tightly, shutting your eyes as your high gets closer and closer. 

“Fuck I’m about to come,” Taehyung grunts.

“Don’t stop. Please don’t stop,” you whisper harshly, the sound of skin slapping against each other, his skin peeling away from yours every time he thrusts out of you. His grunts get louder, thrusts no longer at a pace you’re familiar with. He’s just about there and so are you. 

He picks up the speed as fast as he can with his hand and it does just the trick. You’re screaming out his name as you fall into your orgasm, trying your best not to bite him as hard as you are right now. Taehyung is cursing louder and faster as he continues his thrusts and finally goes still. 

The two of you hold one another for a moment with panting breaths before Taehyung interrupts, “Some first date, huh?”

You can’t help but chuckle. “I think the rest of the dates won’t top this one.” 

Taehyung leans back to look at you, his chestnut curls sticking to his forehead. “Every date we go on from here on out will always top the one before.” 

“You sound so confident,” you mumble, your stomach fluttering at the determined look in his eyes.

“I’ve wanted you since we were in middle school. Now that I have you, I’m not letting you go any time soon,” he tells you with so much determination you can’t help but feel a blush rise and blend in with your already reddened cheeks. 

“You’ve wanted me?”

“Why do you look so surprised?”

You shake your head in disbelief. “Because you’re Taehyung. Every girl wanted to be with you. You could have anyone and I’m pretty sure you did—” 

“When there’s someone who catches your attention, it’s hard to look at anyone else,” he states, lowering your leg and holding your waist to keep you still. Your legs feel like they’re about to give out on you. “Let me show you. Let me prove to you how much I wanted your attention.” 

You’re reluctant. You feel like this is a joke, but as you stare into Taehyung’s eyes, you can’t help but feel like he’s telling the truth. Has he always wanted you and you were too blind to see it?

“Okay,” you mutter. “Show me.” 

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:30am] Me: So...

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:31am] Bean: Oh! She lives!

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:31am] Ahyeon: Where have you been Y/N! We’ve been texting all day!

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:32am] Me: I was… with Taehyung

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:33am] Kim: NO WAY

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:33am] Emi: This late?? You didn’t…

#bts #bts x reader #bts x you #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts smut #bts au #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #taehyung au

[stevenbasic]

Looking at the IG of one of the new applicants, Dr J thinks: What's this one's story?

About a year ago, huh..?

...

The reunion was in full swing, and Angie sipped the straw of her vodka tonic, alone for the moment at the edge of the crowd, watching him. She’d come into the evening like she did into most crowds: thinking she was the smartest person in the room. True, it’s not like she’d ended up top of her class - it’d been ten years since graduating from Middlesex High with these morons - or had found herself at a top-tier college. She totally could have, she always thought, if she had really wanted to. She just never put in the effort, it hadn’t meant enough to her. But she could have been valedictorian, for sure, right? And gone to an ivy-league? She just never set her mind to it, she told herself. Plus, back then, she didn’t have the tits...

Angie Wade was, certainly, what most people would call a “late bloomer”. Not only had her academic and career successes mainly come after her teen years in High School - she’d graduated with Honors from Bowling Green, got her Masters, and now managed two (soon to be three) branches of KLG Bank - but her figure had taken some time to come in, also. When she had graduated, she had been a mostly forgettable member of the drama club, the thin, unremarkable brunette with the big forehead. But, soon, things changed. Since high school she’d put on - haha - nearly thirty pounds, the majority of it generously deposited into the fleshy curves she’d squeezed into this low-cut black top and tight, tight knee-length white skirt. She wanted these people - him especially - to see what had become of Angie Wade, to realize what they had missed. And, the evening had gone predictably. Most of the girls, even some she’d been friendly with in school, either wanted nothing to do with her or treated her with snobby derision - fuck them. Because every guy she’d spoken to tonight had been very keen to chat. Most had given her at least a fleeting glance down her top, and many could barely keep from staring. But she hadn’t talked to AJ Shaw yet....

...and he was right over there.

...

AJ stood at the banquet hall’s bar, idly stirring his bacardi and coke, while Megan Rommety chatted animatedly in his left ear. He’d learned, among a prattling twenty minutes’ worth of other things, that she was a recent divorcee (“her decision”, to hear her tell it) She was trying to flirt with him, he had no doubt.  He had been excited about coming to this thing, the 10-year reunion for his Middlesex High School Class. He still hung out, pretty regularly, with some friends from the football team; he’d even hired a couple to work on his construction team. He still touched base with old girlfriends from time-to-time, Facebook or wherever; it was cool to see them with kids and flirt with them behind their husbands’ backs. But maybe there’d be some people from out of town to catch up with. Like Megan here: they’d been in a couple classes together, she’d dated a friend of his, been on the tennis team. She was nice to see, for the first few minutes, but now she was beginning to overstay her welcome in the seat next to him. “...anyway, after I kicked Brad out, I sold the house and bought my own condo down by the lake,” Megan was saying, stirring the ice cube in her chardonnay, “sooooo nice. Real hardwood floors, a view. You just have to come see it! In fact, kids are at my mom’s tonight and…” WHoahhh...Who was THAT?

“Yeah, I uh….” he said Wearing a black, low-cut top that revealed an impressive bulge of soft, creamy cleavage, she was smiling over at him, from across the room. In fact, “smile” might have been too soft of a word. There was something dramatic about the look she was giving him, something….yikes. His stomach fluttered and everything Megan was saying was being droned out, dissolving to just a buzz on his left. Taking a sip of her drink, this woman held his eye contact for an uncomfortably long time, before she began to strut over towards him. My god, AJ thought, that is a strut. Straight back and proud, each step in her killer heels brought a new jiggle to her chest and an extra sway to her hips in her tight, white skirt. This was a woman who knew how to walk, he could see that for sure, and draw eyes to herself. Was this someone from his class?? He had forgotten that he was in the middle of a sentence, a conversation. Hell, he practically forgot where he was. He’d kinda found that happening, recently. Pretty women seemed to throw him off base more easily than they used to. Ones with boobs, especially. “Hiya, remember me?” she said, sidling up to the bar and unceremoniously boxing Megan out. He tried to keep his eyes up, on her face, on her wide, wide smile. He knew he would look like an asshole if his eyes dropped to her tits….but it was a struggle. “I…uh” he began, as his mind began to work. He was usually so good at this! He felt like he knew everybody from his class, or at least everyone important. Especially the hot ones! But he was having trouble remembering this one, her name. Her face was sorta familiar, but he certainly didn’t recognize those curves from high school. “Uhmmmm…”

“Angie Wade?”  Megan interjected, from half-behind the newcomer.

Oh yeah, Angela Wade.

“Angie Wade?” AJ finally managed, lights beginning to click on, “You were in drama club, right?” “That’s me!” Angie beamed, biting her lower lip flirtatiously, “You DO remember me!” He...he did remember her, yes, Angie. But certainly not like this. The Angie Wade he remembered had been...skinny. Maybe not quite a dork, but not someone with whom he’d ever associate. If he recalled, his friends had told him she’d been an admirer of his. God, if he’d known she’d grow up into this...wow, she really grew a pair. “Excuse me,” Megan piped in, pushing her short, coiffed-blonde hair behind her ear, “We...were in the middle of a conversation?” Obviously annoyed, Megan could see how AJ’s attention had suddenly been drawn to Angie Wade and her big new tits. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” Angie responded, not bothering to hide a note of condescension. She shifted to unblock Megan from the conversation, a move that just brought her closer to AJ’s left side, and in fact let her press her big right breast into his left arm. She felt him shudder, almost imperceptibly, but tried to keep her smile to herself.

Angie glanced Megan up and down with a coy smirk before turning back to AJ. “So...Nice suit! You look great,” she said, knowing men’s weaknesses for flattery, “Seems like you’re doing well?” “Um, yeah! Thanks!,” AJ replied, wincing as he heard the weird enthusiasm in his voice. He can’t come across as creepy, just talking to this girl ‘cuz she’s built. He knew he had to maintain himself, his composure. “I’ve been good,” he continued, “Staying busy with work and-” Angie cut him off. “Yeah, I saw that your company has a bid in to renovate the stadium downtown,” she said, letting her eyes sparkle in admiration. Men loved that. “That’s soooo great…” They also loved this bimbo talk, she’d learned. “Yeah well, it’s um… an exciting project,” He finished lamely, glancing over at Megan, whose glare had gone icy. What was he doing? This was rude. He should try to involve Megan some more, but found himself just really not wanting to. “But enough about me,” he said to Angie, admiring the dramatically dark makeup around her eyes, “How are you doing?” “I’m doing SO, SO good!” Angie sang, right hand reaching behind AJ’s back, resting on a shoulder. Megan scoffed, watching as her left hand then found his knee. What a tramp. “‘So so good’?” Megan finally snapped, the derision in her voice unmistakable, “Last I heard you were working at Hooters. Brad said he saw you th-” “Oh, did he? Brad, your husband?” Angie smiled, turning finally to address Megan, smile big and white.

“Ex...husband…” Megan said, voice quickly fading.

“Hm. Well, did Brad mention that he used to come in every Tuesday and Thursday for lunch, with guys from work, or sometimes just by himself?” Angie continued, a new edge to her voice, “And when I moved to just weekends, he started showing up then, too?” She smiled as she saw Megan’s eyes go wide. She loved doing this shit to prissy bitches like Megan, when they thought they could flex. “Did Brad tell you that he always asked to be sat in my section, and when I finally left he’d asked the other girls about me? Where I went? Asked for my number?”

Megan’s jaw had started to quiver, and Angie had to keep herself from laughing. She remembered Brad, though it had been awhile. Guys from their old high school had often come to Hooters to drool, whether it was over her or younger girls like Shanette or Missy. Brad had been no different. “I guess he just saw something he liked…. “ Angie concluded, straightening her shoulders and pushing her boobs forward - which drew a glance from AJ, she noticed. “Maybe something he didn’t have at home?” “Holy shit y-you bitch,” Megan sputtered, doing her best to sound appalled but glancing down at her own modest bust, unable to keep from feeling a little inadequate. Yes, Brad had been “a boob guy”... Ignoring the insult with practiced aplomb, Angie turned back to AJ, catching him looking down her top. “Besides, you don’t mind...do you AJ?” she asked him, squeezing her right breast more firmly into his nicely-muscled arm, rubbing his broad shoulder through his suit jacket, “That I used to work at Hooters?” “Um, uh, what?” he stammered, uncomfortable with the tense exchange that had just happened between these two girls, feeling weird that he’d just sat here, passively. How was he supposed to answer this? “No...not at all,” he managed, “I think, uh, service work is perfectly dignified…” “See?” Angie giggled, still rubbing his shoulder and rewarding him with an extra bit of boob, “Good boy.”  Angie giggled again, so pleased with herself. Megan, for herself, looked aghast, watching AJ - who she always thought was a pretty well-put-together guy - fall for this bimbo’s simple little tricks. God, what a pair of tits can do... “I…” “..was just leaving” Angie finished for her, fixing her with a bright white smile and withering stare. She watched as Megan took her drink and stood from her stool. “You gonna go call Brad?” she added, for good measure, “Tell him Angie from Hooters said hello.” “Tell him yourself,” Megan sneered, and then turned to him, “And, AJ, nice talking to you. Have fun with the Titty Monster.” With that she stomped off, and Angie’s smile curled.

“‘Titty Monster’”, Angie repeated, chuckling to herself, “That’s rich. I think I’ll use that.” She bit her lip, narrowed her eyes. “So….” she began, turning all her attention back on AJ, her high school crush. She almost couldn’t believe it herself: here she was, little Angie Wade, proudly claiming Aaron Joseph Shaw for herself, just because she could. It was like wrapping him around her little finger. “Can I have a seat?” “Oh, uh, yeah,” AJ replied, shaking his head. What was wrong with him? He hadn’t even said goodbye to Megan. “Of course…”

AJ half-stood, chivalrously, as if to help Angie up into Megan’s now-empty chair. He sat back, finally, and began to order them both a drink from the bartender with the dramatic mustache.

“Two vodka tonics, please,” Angie had insisted, speaking over him with a will that made his loins clinch.

From there, the flirting began in earnest, disguised by a conversation about their jobs. Angie avoided divulging too much about her situation, her successes at the bank. She knew the male ego could be a fragile thing, and she didn’t want to scare him away. AJ seemed to be a successful guy himself, in his own way, but boys tended to like their girls dumb, and she could play that up a bit when she needed to. So, no mention of the degrees, no mention of the awards. Instead, she had leaned forward towards him just enough to open her cleavage for his approval. 

God, she has great tits, he thought to himself, marveling at their swell and mass, and I’m really getting to be a tit-guy these days. His eyes just could not keep themselves from falling down her top, and she seemed not to mind in the least. In fact, after their second drink together, her hand had found its way back to his knee and seemed to give him an encouraging squeeze every time his gaze strayed to her chest. She...she actually likes that I’m looking at her tits, he finally convinced himself, and had slowly started to relax.

After another drink, Angie finally sat up, stock straight, and slowly stretched her shoulders back to look around the room. Some of their old classmates had begun to leave, and the room was less abuzz than it had been. Predictably, his eyes had gone straight to her chest, and shot away before she met his gaze again. She waited for him to talk, knowing exactly what he wanted.

“So, it looks like things are starting to quiet down here,” he finally asked, “do you, uh, need a ride?”

Bingo. “No, I drove myself,” she answered, watching his face, seeing the old gears turning. 

“Well, I was thinking about, y’know,” he began again, poking at the remaining ice in his drink,  “heading back to my loft, downtown, if you wanted to, like, come with me…?” Angie smiled, and leaned in towards him, squeezing her arms together in a dramatic show of cleavage. “Hmmm, well,” she purred, watching his eyes struggle to maintain her gaze, “how about you come to my place tonight sweetie. It’s closer....” 

At that, she leaned in to his ear, and whispered into it with a voice thick with seduction. “And I still have my Hooters outfit at home. I can try it on for you….see if it still fits?” 

============================================

Angie attacks! A little GITJ tangent thread being co-written with AgeoftheGiantess, who you may know from GTScity. Look for her story to continue.

Next post, our first entry by new contributor Joyce Julep, available at my Patreon

#Growing Into the Job

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

TOSHIYA,  INTERVIEW 「PHY」VOL.17 TRANSLATION  2/2

He talks about the negative parts in human beings that the world has no choice but to look straight at. Also, he talks about his own melancholy. “Some people say that doing SNS will bring you closer to your fans, but I don’t think so. Rather, it feels like a distant thing”

Notes before reading: This is the second part of Toshiya’s interview for「PHY」Vol.17, released last 19th.  This part covers the last pages of the interview as well as an introduction paragraph  that was at the beginning of the magazine.

You can read the first part here. You can get the magazine at Cdjapan if you live out of Japan. Please buy and support it if you can. Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistakes or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :)  ----

Text by: Higuchi Yasuyuki Photos by: Sasahara Kiyoaki Hair&Make-up : Yamaguchi Atsushi First part

-You don’t believe in those words?

T: Yes. Everything is a lie or a false image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious. After all, I believe it’s like that. Also I think of myself as just a shallow/miserable person.

-You are considerably demeaning yourself.

T: But I think that it’s true. That's why…. when I've been interviewed like this, in fact it’s the truth, I have nothing to say to them. I have a lot of things to say regarding myself but I just end up saying “this and that”.

-Do you mean you're not very confident about yourself?

T: Well, that's not the case. It’s difficult to express it with words. There it’s like I’m at their mercy/ under their control. Like, words are something that create a perception/image about yourself.  As I said earlier, internet is a place in which a lot of people are playing and manipulating words. Every time I look at it, that’s what I think.

-I sometimes think that too. As it is a way to communicate with words, sometimes I get a feeling like “Are you really thinking what you are writing?” T: That's right. And now that I’m suddenly thinking about this, that’s something I personally don’t like. It’s like you have to say the words that people are expecting you to say. That’s why when in the first day of the Pia arena Vip event hosted by another person, he told me  “finally, say some words or a message for the fans”, and I did just say “thank you”.

-Now that you said so, that’s what happened. While the other members said a few more words, you just said “thank you”.

T: I wanted to convey my feelings to the fans…. but at that moment, I felt like I was just trying to say something good and the options of what could I say were too many. Then, what did I want to say to the fans?.... When I was thoroughly thinking about that, there was just a feeling of gratitude there.

-So, you said “thank you”.

T:  Yes. I could only say that. At times like these, especially now, that the world/society is worried, I wanted to say something supportive. Like courage.

-That’s it.

T: It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I said those words to keep up the appearances, I thought to myself “what hypocrisy!”. After all, I’m a horrible guy (laughs)

-You are not a horrible guy. Quite the opposite.

T: You are being tricked (laughs)

-You are wrong (laughs) That’s you thinking that I am too innocent (to fall for that). I think that we don’t want to contaminate the pure part of ourselves.

T: That’s right. But the more you keep repeating words over and over, the more it feels like you are making excuses. That’s why I want to keep a distance from people as much as possible.

-But you don't hate people, right?

T: Yes, I don't hate them.

-I can see that by talking to you. So, I think that you have a stronger desire to be honest with people.

T: Yes.

-That’s why the only thing you said was “thank you”.

T: Yes, but I thought about it when I was going back home. Like, there were more things to say to the fans, right? That’s why I talked a little more the second day.

-That was what happened.

T: I'm really a problematic guy (laughs)

-Especially now, it’s the same when it comes to words and communication, even though there is like a sense of distance between people, isn’t the world itself currently under a situation that makes us feel nervous?

T: That’s right.

-It’s the same as the online slandering/defamation.  The movements for searching and censor politically incorrect/slandering words are also happening. I think that when I see those kinds of things. I feel like we are going to talk about this topic right now. I think this band when it comes to communication, there is like a sense of distance from people. I thought you were just a group of people who weren't good at that.

T: That’s right. In a place that it’s strange for you, it’s like you are more aware of your surroundings.

-Even if you have a sense of ego, you are not good at showing it off. You are not good at showing off enthusiasm to make people go crazy. However, everyone has the same feelings about the band, and face the same direction.

T: That's right. I think that’s something that link the five of us together.

-But you don’t talk about that to each other. I wish I could say the proper words but, looking at it from a third person perspective, any of you do that.

T: That’s right. It’s like that these 5 people are just…. isn’t it like if we are just warping feelings?

-As you as you try to put it into words, it sounds like something with no depth or thoughtful. That's something I personally think that applies to the current world as well.

T: I think that too. Certainly, I think these five people are a group of people who are just warped. So, what comes to my mind when we are having this conversation, it’s that it's important for this band to face the negative parts of these five people, including myself.

-That’s right.

T: So, isn’t it like the current situation making us have to face the negative part of ourselves? It has become very clear that we were pretending to not see it. However, it's not something that we just started doing, we pigeonhole the issues all the time and lived in a mediocre/all-too-common way, but in the face of this situation weI can't do anything and we can't compete. But I think that’s the negative part of us as people  and we have been facing that in the band.

“Everything is a lie or a fake image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious.

-For sure. You have dared to look at that part and express it.

T: You can say that the fact that these five people were warped caused it to happen. I usually live without caring about the negative part in me. I think you wouldn’t be able to live if you care about it. I don’t want to think often “I’m a horrible guy”. But in order to express myself in this band, I have to face my negative part very much. That’s why this band has conveyed a world view in which the negative air/atmosphere is overwhelming

-So, it’s linked.

T: I think so. That’s why nowadays everyone is obsessed with the darkness of internet and SNS. Even if you know that what's over there are lies or fantasies/illusions. Things that are hard to face in real life there feel sweet, because there are no meaning/consequences, they gather there like a flock of sheep. It’s like, when you look at it, it’s full of words of daily complaints or things said out of boredom

“Some people say that doing SNS will bring you closer to your fans, but I don’t think so. Rather, it feels like a distant thing”

-I see. After our talk, I can understand now why you don’t do SNS. After all, it's a  more annoying/fastidious thing than what I was thinking. For those who face fans and people.

T: It's normal for me, right? Some people say that doing SNS will shorten the distance with fans, but I don't think so. Rather, it feels distant. I think that you can already tell the reason (why I don’t do SNS) after all we have talked so far.

-Because it’s a false image/pretence?

T: Yes. Well, I think that everything has a false image but that’s why I’m like “what are people thinking while they are using them?”.

-Of course, there are several problematic aspects, but after all its roots are very useful.

T: Of course, it's convenient, and I'm a person who benefits from them (SNS). Above all, there are members who are doing SNS, and I understand it, it is important to connect fans and with the member but probably it’s something that it’s not made for me. I feel sorry for the members who are doing it.

-Hahahaha.

T: That’s why, after all, I’m a horrible guy, a guy who can't keep up with the times (laughs)

 ------

 2020.08.19

Since band shots go usually according to the band's world view (and there is 80% chance of them being dark not being able to see their faces well),  in this solo project, Higuchi (the interviewer) planned to do the opposite that happens when shooting with any member as much as possible. This time, we decided to fill the page with Toshiya's physical beauty (laughs). After requesting “a beautiful styling that allows to see the lines of his body”, you can see it here. Overflowing muscles that just stick out from the chest!  A strong hip line like a racehorse! Looking at the camera with a sweet and a painful facial expression! The shooting goes on and we gradually let him to lead the pose and the facial expressions! That’s why there are a lot of good photos, as we were able to take them, we posted a lot in the magazine as well. As you can tell from the interview, he was nervous about what he was saying, probably because of the social situation we are currently in, but he conveyed the feeling that he was really talking from his heart. Definitely, he is not a horrible guy at all! (laughs)

#dir en grey #toshiya #phy vol 17 #interview #translation #toshiyatranslations #completed