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#and it’s starting to become toxic for my mental health
theladybrownstarot · 2 days
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Pick-a-card : Wholesome June 2024 monthly Reading for you !
𐙚 Here's my masterlist for more !
𐙚 Make sure you like/follow/reblogg for more pacs like these!
Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.
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𐙚 Pile 1.
Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-
The first phase of june will result of completion and new start of something very good , you will be in flow and stability with yourself in all aspects , also , you will be focused and aligned with your destiny's path . Any increment in income , promotion and a god time to buy a house can be seen .
The second phase, is about meeting your friends , some other collaboration and celebration of any kind of milestone , you may travel from your home to somewhere . There's a possibility to make new friends or you may get people of your kind and needs . Very harmonious vibes are coming from the second phase .
The third phase of your june may lead you to meet your soulmate or you may connect with someone from your past , a good time for business partnership and implementations of new plans can be seen .
This month you people will be able to break your chains off from negativity inside and outside you , there maybe a break of something which you didn't want to happen but everything that will be happening this month will be for your good only .
𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice : worrying to much will attract more things to worry sbout .
have you been overly critical ?An apology may be in order.
stop second-guessing yourself .
raise your karma by doing something good for someone else.
Declutter your life and prioritise what needs to be , start to oragnise first and then start .
𐙚❀˖°Prominent placements and planets : and Pisces, jupiter , saggitaurus, aries , scorpio , cancer , 3rd house , 4th house , moon in virgo .
𐙚 Pile 2.
Namaste pile 2 ! Let's get with your reading :-
The first phase of june for you may start with over-thinking , confusion and fear but you can and will get out through this for sure , don't take take a lot of stress on yourself also that you are being advised to sleep properly or we say be mindful about your mental health .
The second phase , you will enjoying a lot don't worry also that the things you were fearing will actually start to favour you or we say things will be turning in your favour . The only thongs you need to proceed is with faith within yourself and do what needs to be .
The Third phase , you may face some sort of disappointment or you will start to become defensive and protective about yourself both at the same time ,you may come across some obstacles- a test from universe which you will pass . One thing that do not always belive that you are right listen to other's side also .
𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice : Heal yourself by loving your life more .
Stop worrying and start believing more.
Start doing things with proper intention and mindset .
Start loving your enviorment more .
You will get love when you will give love .
𐙚❀˖° Prominent zodiacs and placements: moon in capricorn, mars in aquarius, scorpio ,Pisces, taurus ,virgo , moon in 3rd/4th house .
𐙚 Pile 3.
Namaste pile 3 ! Let's get with your reading :-
The first phase of june may continue with some same common problems you had later where you will be hopeful again by leaving it behind . I see people healing or connecting with their emotional aspects like you are understanding yourself and situation around you because of which you will grow emotionally .
The second phase of june Be aware of any traitor around your circle or known , also i see that you are able to get best mental clarity and are able to leave rooted toxic system behind , you are getting rid from the things you always wanted . You are facing and making the move rather running away from it .
The third phase of june you may get into into some confusion and inner conflicts again as you are diving deep inside you , you are meeting your shadow self by provoking it through doing those things which triggers it . You are using your intuition and are solving your problem in a flow .
𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice:Be bold and make the first move .
Follow your heart and your emotions.
Avoid recklessness or moving too fast .
Come into your power; the time for action is now!
Bappa mourya is with you !
Have some good time with your friends .
𐙚❀˖° Prominent placements and planets: Pisces, scorpio , cancer , gemini , libra , aquarius , moon , 8th house , 12th house , mars and saturn .
──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──
©️ @theladybrownstarot 2023 all rights reserved. Any stealing Or copying of work will be a punishable offence.
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I’ve been struggling so so much recently with lack of interaction with my work. Anyone who comments/reblogs/sends asks etc. please know you are the sole reason why creators like myself continue creating <3
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fennthetalkingdog · 2 days
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You know, when I was first researching neurodivergence (and autism and ADHD in particular) and wondering if I was, in fact, neurodivergent, I brought my conclusions to my mom and she said:
"I mean, you're gifted, right? So you already are neurodivergent???"
So here's to her (kinda) and her words. Giftedness is a neurodivergence, in my opinion. From what I've seen, a lot of the traits overlap with common autistic and/or ADHD traits too, especially regarding overexcitabilities, and a lot of researchers talking about the topic describe giftedness with the same kind of "your brain is just made differently" and "you're just wired differently" language as they use for other neurodivergent conditions. But I also say this because I've seen some gifted people who, while struggling with some "autistic/ADHD traits," don't have all the traits necessary for an autism or ADHD diagnosis. Giftedness is a label for them that encompasses the struggles they have without saying that they don't struggle enough or forcing them to try to fit into a mold that isn't them. And I get that; when I was first questioning, I didn't think I had enough autistic traits to count for a diagnosis either, so I took comfort in a "gifted" label. (Not to say that all gifted people are just autistic people and/or people with ADHD that don't realize, or that all gifted people are just people who don't have enough traits for a diagnosis! That was just the case for me and the folks I've been around, but I've also heard the case of it not being that.)
But if I am gifted, then I also have autism. A lot of my struggles are, honestly, just better described by autism than just by a byproduct of giftedness. My struggles with people and with "being too much," my sensory differences (and yes, sometimes issues), my stimming, and some of my executive dysfunction all sound like autistic traits to me more than a mix of psychomotor and sensual overexcitabilities and a whole bunch of coincidental byproducts of my being gifted and hanging out with nongifted peers. Don't get me wrong; based on my family history, background, and traits, I honestly probably am gifted lol. But it's not just that.
So this is me saying that if the people around you are saying that you're just gifted, you're free to look for other, perhaps better explanations for your feelings and experiences. But if you are just gifted, you're still free to call yourself neurodivergent! My gifted traits lead to me feeling just as ostracized sometimes as my autistic ones, so who am I to police that label?
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lettersiarrange · 9 months
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hey are you a terf ? you've been reblogging stuff from radfems ...
No, I'm not a terf, I support trans people 100%. Also terfs are uncomfortably cozy with the alt-right and that's uhhh... a whole other layer of awful.
But I think I may be following a secret terf? Tumblr keeps showing me these posts that are like "liked by someone you're following!" And I follow 4k people so I'm not like. Keeping track of anyone but my mutuals. And some of the posts tumblr shows me are obviously terfy which makes me go HMMMM but then some of them seem fine? So it's hard for me to tell the difference between "posts tumblr reccomends me that are normal and in line with the regular leftist and feminist things I'm into" vs like "posts tumblr reccomends me because they're liked by whatever secret terf I'm following and have suspicious undertones that aren't immediately obvious to me". I'm certainly not intentionally following any terfs or following anyone who publicly identifies as a terf* or puts terf shit on my dash but I'm apparently following someone who doesn't blog about terf shit but LIKES terf shit (and I think it might be a fandom blog so that makes it harder to identify) and then those likes show up on my dash and it's not always obvious that it's terf shit or from a radfem blog-- it's just a random posts from a url I don't know. And sometimes the posts themselves are fine on the initial read.
So pls let me know what the radfem blogs in question are so I can identify and remember them if they pop up on my dash again
*caveat that I've been on this website for 10+ years and follow 4,000+ people and it's theoretically possible that a blog I followed multiple years ago that I never see on my dash now publicly identifies as a terf, but I'm not gonna go through all 4k of my following to try and find out if any of them have become publicly shitty in a way that doesn't affect my dash in the years since I've followed them. People get unfollowed as they bring shitty views to my attention. Hence the conundrum with the undercover terf bc they don't post terf shit, they just like it.
#*but how do you not immediately recognize terf dogwhistles!* you may ask#well. I've found when it comes to any toxic community like terfs or antivaxxers or incels or qanon or antisemitic leftists or WHATEVER#familiarizing myself with the discourse to the point that I'm An Expert In All The Secret Signals is uhhh...#pretty corrosive for my mental health#I'd much rather know Enough to recognize more obvious and popular talking points but otherwise stay a billion feet away#knowing all the Secret Signals involves an engagement with the nuance of their arguments that i am simply not mentally capable of#like it is Too Distressing#and I've found that as long as i can still recognize the more well-known signs of toxicity and steer clear...#i usually successfully avoid coming into contact with the toxicity#and like. I don't think my disabled friend's lives would be better by me becoming an expert in horrific eugenicist arguments and their lingo#nor do I think my trans friends lives would be improved by me becoming an expert on terf language and arguments#total respect for people who do for the purposes of fighting the good fight and warning everyone else#but couldn't be me. I'm sensitive and any amt of cruelty virtriol and toxicity just really Affects me#and my parents are qanon conspiracists so I'm already over the limit from being forced to hear abt whatever new#horrible conspiracy is going thru qanon every week. last week it was that i should Stockpile Food for Sept and Oct bc#Something Might Happen and i should be prepared#and don't i know masks are poisoning the american people? 🙄#anyway props to people who know how to spot a terf from 100 ft based on how they walk#but it doesn't click for me until they open their mouths and start saying gender essentialist shit#(like. when i joined reddit in college I didn't know *gender critical* meant *terf* and was horrified to find out)#so no I don't have every radfem blog memorized so would appreciate warnings abt them#I've mostly been fairly happy in my non-hate-group tumblr bubble#asks
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euaphoric · 1 month
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HIGHWAY TO HELL ♱ 𓏲ּ [J.J.K.] preview
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♱ starring… jeon jungkook x f!reader | rockstar!jk x tattoo artist!reader | 1980’s au | established relationship | ft. all other bts members as bandmates and yoongi is the manager !
♱ genre/warnings... pwp, a mixture of angst and fluff, smut, takes place in the grungy, rugged underground music scene of NYC in the 80’s, o/c used to be a groupie but is now jk’s gf, this fic is going to be very chaotic… there’s a lot of warnings for this including: dark humor (nothing offensive), toxic relationship, the ‘i literally need you to survive or else i’ll die’ trope, o/c is jk’s muse, he fr worships his girl as if she’s some otherworldly deity, attempting to delve into the complexities of mental instability ?? (they’re both mentally fucked in the head tbh), autophobia/monatophobia, DARK/HEAVY THEMES!, small mentions of stalking, mentions of mental health struggles, self injury, heavy alcohol & substance abuse, jk has a belly piercing (yes, that is a warning in itself), jk plays bass and is main vocals of the band, he argues w/ his bandmates a lot, switch!jk but he leans more towards dom, sex while under the influence, size kink, y’all are both super nasty and kinky like omg this is gonna be insaneeesfds, also heavy exhibitionism: they literally have sex in front of ppl multiple times (oops). i will be sure to include the rest once it’s fully finished !
♱ synopsis... when moving to the big city, you had only three things in mind: start life anew— a fresh, clean slate that allows you to bloom into whomever you wish to be, open your own tattoo parlor, and to meet and fuck as many rockstars as you possibly can. in fact, all was going according to plan thus far, however, the minute you crossed paths with him is when life takes a pivotal shift for the better and possibly, worse. you’ve become inseparable since day one, building an intense co-dependency that not even the devil himself can seem to unravel. a story of the submerging tension between two lonely, lost souls navigating youth through glitz, glamour, sleepless nights, and reckless hotel parties every weekend. it’s as if everyone else exists to come and go; besides the unconventional love that you cultivate together. OR,, just lots of sex, drugs, & punk rock.
♱ run time... will be over 10k+ words
♱ soundtrack... seek & destroy metallica, you shook me all night long ac/dc, purgatory iron maiden, she the misfits
i had this idea for sooo long omg, it’s slightly different than how i originally imagined it here, but i’m finally doing it so yay for meee !! i’ve never tried a concept like this before saur i’m def going to research a lot for this since i wasn’t born in the 80’s lol. i honestly have no idea how long this will be but me thinks it’ll be around 10-12k words ??? ( it’s going to be the longest thing i ever made .. T^T ) but my goal this year has been to start writing longer fics so i’m excited ! if anyone wants to be tagged once it’s uploaded just lmk <3
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lovetei · 11 months
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Heyyy,
I saw your toxic things the demon bros will do to keep you with them and i absolutely fell in love with. More of, my mental health issues felll in love with- ANYGAYSzz
I was wondering if you could maybe do the same for the side characters¿¿¿¿
Also did you drink water today? Cuz if thats a no here you go 💧💧💧💧
And some cookies just incase 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪
Love anonymous 👑
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I'm not actually supposed to post anything for tonight, because I don't know? I didn't get to start anything this morning so I crammed this post T_T
But love lots! Hope you enjoy this piece ^^
But seriously, I was like "Oh shit, the algorithm I don't have!" And proceed to finish this.
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What are the most toxic thing they will do in a relationship just to make you stay with them?
Versions: Demon brothers, Side Characters
Warnings: Manipulation, yandere themes, execution, mention of torture, psychological torture, love potions, Mentions of murder, framing, alcohol
Links: Masterlist
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DIAVOLO will use his authority
He's already so happy to have you by his side
And by staying there you already secured the position of the next ruler that will stand beside him
So, why do you have to leave..?
And the reasons
"I'm not fit enough..."
"I don't deserve this much..!"
"There are more people out there that are more worthy than me..."
Won't cut it.
He knows your worth and he's sure you do too.
So why?
Perhaps you're just nervous that you won't be able to match his grace?
You don't need to.
His grace is unmatched among the demons and yours is too among the mortals.
You both are on the same chapter, just on different pages.
So why make things hard for yourself?!
All you need to do is say yes and everything will be taken care of.
Clothes, food, money, status, security and literally anything.
He loves you and you does too so it's not going to be a marriage with no love...
SO WHY?
You're starting to drive him insane, MC.
And he might just do the same to you
So he'll invite you over for a fancy dinner and a few drinks
You accepted, despite knowing that Diavolo might try something after he got you drunk
Thinking that Diavolo forgot that you can't get drunk by just a basic demonus
Fool
That's what you are for thinking Diavolo actually misses something, anything about you
So he changed the bottle of demonus to an actual human liquor but neutralized it's taste by the help of his one, loyal servant
Barbatos
Not even two hour passed by and you're already putty in his hands
Dancing just like how he wants it on his palms
Then he'll slide a paper into the table to you, together with a beautiful pen
He then point at an empty line with his finger and said "Look at that MC, this line right here wants your signature."
"Hmm, why?~"
"Because it's such a huge fan of you and it needs you to become something, someone better, so why don't you give it a sign?" Is what he said while smirking.
And there you are, signing the papers while your mind is clouded with alcohol
Oh what is it?
Just a marriage contract
You don't want it?
Look into rules and regulations, Claus 5
It's against your human rights?
How foolish, you're not in the human world.
You will tell the whole Devildom about it?
Lèse majesté
And what's the punishment for committing that? Simple.
Death.
BARBATOS and his timeline power
He loves you
So much actually
At first, it was fun to be in a relationship with him
It's fun, slowly opening him up like a present and seeing the gift, a part of him that only you know.
He builds up trust for you and so do you for him
Then it started to get suffocating
He won't admit it openly but you know,
You know that the one who kills anyone who dared act close with you is him
And it terrifies you
You may allow it if it actually harms you, severely
But it's not for your protection anymore
He's doing it out of pure annoyance now
He doesn't like you around the brothers
The angels
Solomon
Thirteen
Or even Lord Diavolo
In fact, he doesn't want you around anyone.
And it's making you feel more unsafe
He's starting to isolate you from everyone and everything
He's trying to isolate you from the world
So you decided to end things with him
And he doesn't seem to take it lightly like how you expected...
How did you know?
Simple.
You woke up weeks before that break up happened
You know how it happened and you know who made it happen
It's none other than your boyfriend of course
You thought that maybe if you talk nicely with him he'll actually understand the problem
But he didn't
He started to get more and more aggressive with you
Then when the week end
It repeats
And repeats
And repeats
And repeats again
And again
But it will keep going on like that until you learn
Until you learn that there's no other option than him
No other ending than him
He doesn't mind driving you crazy if it means you'll continue to love him
So good luck, MC.
SIMEON might just ask Father for help
Ho doesn't understand!
Why would you want to break up with him?!
He did everything, MC!
It's not clear!
Nothing is clear!
You just belive that you two are not fit together..?
You don't want him to end up like Lilith..?
He doesn't care!
He'll burn these precious, white wings for you!
He'll kill for you!
He'd actually prefer to end up like Lilith rather than this!
Because, at least, Lilith managed to be with her love until her life ended...
He'd rather be a demon or a human rather then live like the adored angel he is without you...
...
You'll still leave huh?
Alright then.
I guess he has no choice but to ask Father for help
What do you mean it will cause him to fall? Oh dear, it won't.
It might actually even promote him into a higher rank.
Father wants you in his side.
In fact, the whole celestial realm want you on this side
So when he asked "Father, it seems that we need to take even larger measure to have MC side with us. What do you think we can do?"
...oh?
Luke?
What a brilliant plan.
Now,
Let's see if you can still leave knowing an innocent life, Luke, will be put under danger because of this tantrum,
Because of you.
SOLOMON and his hidden antics
Oh dear, angel
His little devil
His most prized possession
His favorite concubine,
You won't be leaving him anytime soon, dear.
When you told him that "I want to break up with you."
He kept himself quite for a while before answering "Let me give it some thought, MC. For now, stay with me."
And just as he expected you listened obediently.
But then, his grip around your waits became more rough
And the hand he used to playfully wrap around your neck became more tight
It's hard...
It's hard to feed you his love laced cooking
But he found out that you just loves, adored even, Luke's baked cookies...
And since you're a human, he knows that Luke creates special cookies just for you
One that don't contain exotic ingredients that will upset your stomach
And it just made the work of latching love potions easier for him
He'll just add a few drops and it will do the magic for him
So, all he has to do sit tight
And wait for you to crawl back to his lap yourself.
RAPHAEL will use spears for example
Haha...
But he loves you, MC..?
He might just start crying if you say more
"Sure... But I'll make sure you'll come back to me..!"
At first, it sounded like a joke and it's funny enough to make you giggle
The beautiful memories of peaceful separation didn't last long after you saw a dead body pinned by spears though
His spears, to be specific
It doesn't even make sense
You don't even know this guy...
He hasn't talk to you and you don't even know him
Hell, you don't even recognize his face...
So what's the catch?
Why is he killing completely random people...
That's what have been running around your mind
You haven't seen him around RAD anymore
And if you do he refuse to answer your questions
Except his face will lightly flush and he'll even smile a little before sa say "Ah~ It's nice hearing your voice..."
His tone, the way he says it, none of theme are innocent
And he made it known that he knows what he's doing
The curiosity didn't last long
Until you found out that the corpses aren't for you from him as a threat
It was for the families of the victims
You found out that each of them have high power among the nobilities of Devildom
And he killed them to make the families think that you're telling him to do so
It's not to make you feel guilty, it for them to start attacking you
Until you're pushed back to a corner where no one else can save you
Except for him.
MEPHISTOPHELES's way only
Ha...
Man he loves you so much...
But all he do is stare at you blankly after you told him you ant to break up
Staring at you like you're just some kid throwing a tantrum
It's Mephistopheles in front of you, I mean, he's rich, handsome, tall, smart and has good family background
If he's a human everybody would have gone crazy over him already
Plus he wears heels and he has a sexy cane
What more could you ask for?
But yeah...
You don't want to be with him forever?
Sure, he'll talk to Diavolo.
"I'll buy MC's contract and I'll put them under my wing." Is all the reason he needs to say and a few more to have Diavolo selling you
What about your family?
This amount will do right?
I mean...
He paid for what your worth so don't expect it to be much.
Anyways, you're his now
By the eyes of the law, money and his
He'll never let you get away?
And if you did try to?
He'll simply frame you for treason and let's see if you won't come crawling back to him
After finding out that he can choose what type of punishment, torture method, to give you.
But don't worry.
He likes the game cat and mouse
He don't like playing it for a long time though
So be careful
His patience isn't as long as the line of money and connection ahead of him
THIRTEEN basically holds your life
Break up?
"You're not." Is all she said as she holds your candle
She's grinning widely as she let your candle melt, its 's wax falling directly in her hands
"Why would you even want to?" She asked even though she knows, no reason can separate the two of you
And if you did say "I don't care." as she holds you candle
She might just accidentally extinguish one of your loved ones candles
So be careful, MC.
Among everyone
She's the only one who won't joke around.
And just so you know
Her patience is shorter than the amount of time it requires to kill someone's fire off of their candle.
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blanketforcas · 10 months
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🚩Cult and cultlike/toxic behavior: red flags in fandom 🚩
A non-exhaustive list inspired by my 10+ years of experience in fandom, both personal and second-hand. By sharing this, I hope to make other people more aware and able to protect themselves in the future. No fandom space or friend group is worth your mental health.
They claim they have secret information and use that to lure you in
They might either lovebomb you at first or make you (feel like you have to) prove your worth
The leader(s) of the group might not feel super approachable, at least not without fear of saying the wrong thing
They seem to create or point out a divide in fandom you’d never noticed before. Likely this divide isn’t actually there in wider fandom, or the need for it is wholly unnecessary.
They create an us vs them (outsiders) situation. Their group has the most knowledge and expertise, if others critique them it’s simply cause they must’ve heard false rumors. They are always the ones who are “misunderstood”.
Questioning statements from leaders/people with high regard in the group, is not without risk. You can get dogpiled, your intelligence put into question and gaslit about your own words and feelings.
You see discussions happen and get more heated, and at the end of that discussion the person on the receiving end of the things mentioned above ^ starts apologizing profusely and/or believes they are indeed stupid. However, if this person does keep defending their stance, they might get bullied or kicked out of the server/group chat
Too much emphasis on Being Right/having the correct take or theory – it may seem it has a higher priority than empathy and tactful communication
You need to have an opinion (their opinion), because silence equals condoning or agreeing with the “other side”
Everything is a moral issue. When everything is made out to be a high-stakes issue or reflective of everyone as a person, it's easier for the leader(s) to manipulate you.
You find yourself excusing people’s behavior because you agree with their point. The way they bring their argument forward and the tone they use, become subordinate to finding out the truthTM
There is such a thing as The TruthTM in every theory, discussion or analysis
If you don't Get It, it's cause you haven't "worked on yourself enough". Or it's cause you're not trying hard enough, or you haven't done enough reading, or you have blind spots only they can see.
There is a lot of conspiratorial thinking – maybe actors are trying to send us secret messages, maybe there is a Whole Lot You Don’t Know But We Do, Trust Us, maybe this or that person in fandom has tried to attack us and are planning a bigger attack,…
You barely/don’t have fandom friends outside of this group and if you do, you tend to intentionally (whether subconsciously or not) hide your experience from them. They wouldn’t understand the way they talk, they wouldn’t understand the way it works etc
They want to know a lot of your personal information. - might only happen once you get into higher ranks
You might get (more and more) specific “tasks”, it starts becoming a part-time job instead of a hobby/fun space to hang out with friends
Of course, these red flags are not always immediately visible let alone advertised when you join a group chat/discord server/twitter or tumblr bubble. They can also be nonexistent at first and show up later. Here are some general ways to stay vigilant:
Periodically check in with your values, if they might be changing & how you feel about that.
Keep an eye on the way people (and yourself) are being treated. Is it kind? Is it fair? Do you feel on edge all the time when you’re having conversations? Is your body more tense when you’re in this online space or when certain people are around? Be honest with yourself here.
Ask yourself: Is this space becoming my only coping mechanism? Am I spending too much time here? There’s no shame in spending a lot of time on things you enjoy, but do check in with yourself sometimes whether you are actually still having fun and if you are taking things too seriously or parasocialising a lot.
There's a lot of fun to be had in fandom and a lot of good that comes out of it - don't forget that. Keep seeking that. It's why we're here!
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AITA for ignoring my bfs panic attack?
my(26f) bf(27m) is a sensitive person. when we are doing well, it means he can openly talk about how he's feeling, he's never been toxically masculine, and i appreciate the comfort it provides to have someone i can talk to who isn't cold and unfeeling.
when we are arguing though, it means he almost always gets really upset and cries. so even if i am bringing something up that bothers me, it somehow means i have to reassure and help HIM, even though i was the one who was originally upset.
he also tends to just get upset for almost no reason. specifically at night time. he told me that his anxiety gets worse at night, which is fair, cuz mine does too. so, at the cost of sleep, i will talk through things with him at night - but it's hard, because he is the type of person to always insist he's a terrible person, despite all my reassurance, so these night-time "issues" will last HOURS.
it's starting to become nearly every single night. i won't lie, i am becoming resentful. i'm getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep every night. it causes me to cry in the morning and the entire day feels like shit. then i have no energy after work to do chores, so the house looks terrible. this might sound crazy but i feel like the lack of sleep is even making my depression worse. i don't have the energy to do anything fun, just make dinner, wash the dishes + do laundry, then go to bed, and repeat more night-time arguing.
last night he was crying and talking to me about his mental health, and i was totally zoned out. i know i am the asshole for that. he was upset and asked why i wouldn't help him, i need to comfort him. then he started having a panic attack. i looked at the time, it was 5:30am. i had to start work in 1 hour 30 min. i was half-asleep, and he was shaking on me. and i left the room, went to the bathroom, cried on the fuckin bathroom floor and just feel asleep there, then got up to go to work at 7am.
he refused to even look at me when he left for work (usually leaves with a kiss). i think i really messed up and now we are just going to fight more. i am ready to accept i may be the asshole here. i know it sounds cold and mean, but the lack of sleep is affecting me a lot. is this selfish? AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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sabahs-stuff · 29 days
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Manifest appearance change. (Weight loss/gain)
(Success story)
❏First and foremost, Yeah, I know you shouldn't let go of your manifestation. Like detaching from your manifestation bla bla..
However, I have noticed that actively affirming appearance change is difficult for me because I love looking at my reflection in the mirror all the time. And I've to constantly remind myself to affirm. Every time I affirm, one of my inner voices started stating the opposite.
I weighed 47kg (I'm 5'3; I know it's the ideal weight, but I wanted to gain a little more). It was difficult for me to eat more. I believe it was about April 14 or 15. I decided to quit trying to eat more. I started to joke that I was gaining weight without eating,"are u kidding me? I'm eating nothing and also skipping dinner these days, so how tf am I gaining weight?" Some of my friends even laughed at me.🙂
Then, out of nowhere, my sister began complaining that I had gained weight, then few days ago I went to the doctor for a checkup, and they also measured my weight, it's 51KG now. Mind you, I skipped a lot of meals and wasn't eating at all. It was during the Mercury retrograde. I was quite depressed and saddened also someone so close to me died. But it took me like 10 days to gain 4kg. If that's not shocking idk what is.
So, this is what I did (•_•)
Reminder : "If you could make yourself believe that you have the exact appearance you desire, it would change"
Every time I ate, I told myself, "I should be dieting." And look at what I'M doing. I should start working out before it's too late. And that is all. Then I didn't even affirm anything during the day, ( I believe that if you make your brain believe that you're prettiest little creature on the planet and your existence is a service to the humanity then that's how it would be. And my toxic trait is that I believe my presence is a blessing to the humanity.😂
every time I looked in the mirror, I said, "Wtf? I'm gaining weight . "Shit, I need to diet." And trust me when I tell you at that exact moment your brain is going send you a thought "Stop lying; you're still skinny bitch"
But don't forget that you get to select what happens in your reality. If your mind wants to offer you lemons, make lemonade.😂
I said, "Yes, that's correct. If I want to lose my weight I need to affirm I'm still skinny" and I kept on saying "I need to lose weight or I'll gain more weight" just tricked my brain into thinking that I'm chubby and attempting to manifest becoming skinny. And I didn't focused on the end goal; I wasn't obsessed with it; I didn't give a damn about it, but whenever I noticed a little change, I freaked out as if something terrible had happened. And believe me when I say I freaked out it was Oscar worthy😂
I Remember, the first thing I noticed was that my arm was looking a bit chubby. I was screaming and even fake crying, 😭 "Damn this is embarrassing, I need to work out, I'm gaining weight." I then searched and downloaded weight loss workouts online.
Trust me I was living the moment 😂. literally living in the end. It was easy at the time because my brain was literally blank. I had no feelings or emotions, so I fed my brain whatever I wanted, and it ate every thought I gave it. I'm happy with my weight now.
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I'm now 51kg this is just a photo I saved from Pinterest but this is my Desired type-
Here are some tips:
Your appearance is constantly changing with your affirmations and beliefs. So don't doubt whether this is going to work or not. 
Your manifestation will take time, depending on you and your beliefs.
And about mental health, I would post about it later, but it's important.
The more you visualize, the faster it will become a reality.Visualise everything; literally, everything you want, VISUALIZE 🙌 stay in your head
The amount of things I changed and manifested in my life is crazy; it's different for each person. But it took me a year to fully understand manifestation. So give yourself time. Spend time with yourself; the better you know yourself, the better you'll get in manifestation. Best advice: talk to yourself (in your head, of course, or others would think you're crazy, lol 😹.)  gossip with yourself; if you want to be tall tell yourself that you're tall and stick to it refuse to let go. ✊🏻
Hope you like it. It's my first ever post but clearly not the last 😉 feel free to ask any questions. 🩷
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beesfairlyland · 4 months
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How to get you Desires instantly?...jk...just wanna talk about my take on 'void state'!!
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First of all i hate the word void (not kinda hate hate...but the way ppl are obsessed over it... even i was once lol). After studying the concept of Non-Duality the way i used to see the void ...the way i used to put it on pedestal (i cringed😭) it all changed. I realised we are putting something on the pedestal to which we give the existence.
Void is nothing more than a state that exists because YOU give your awareness to it. Void is a state just like Bee(me) is a state that SELF created! There's nowhere to reach/enter.
Void is nothing but just to be aware of being unconscious. To be aware while this body sleeps.
Okayy I'll ask you to simply meditate....not to reach anywhere...not to enter void....not to get your desires.
Soo first get in comfortable position to meditate.
Now just focus on your breathing, let the thoughts pass by don't engage with them. Just watch them and keep your focus on breathing.
Slowly your mind will start to quieten. As your are observing all this happening. You'll know that you are just the observer of thoughts...you are not the thought....these thoughts ain't yours but of this unreal mind's.
This meditation is to just make you realise that you are the awareness behind these thoughts not the thought itself.
Continue focusing on the breathing. There will be a moment where the mind will become silent and that's when you are one with the awareness. That's the NON-DUAL STATE aka the void state.
This meditation is not to reach the non dual state.... it's to know that you are the observer doesn't matter if the mind goes silent or not. Just to experience who you are try this meditation with zero expectations. If mind got silent great!! But if it didn't then also greatt!!
Now the main problem/mistake that ppl do while meditating for the non-dual state(void state). They don't let the mind think itself....they think with the mind themselves. Didn't understand? Wait lemme explain....you don't let the mind wander or think on it's own instead you yourself start thinking....if i am doing it right, how much more time, it'll be happening soon bla bla.
Just only coz y'all 'try' the void to get your 'desires' that feeling makes you anxious. Getting everything all at once sounds too good to be true to the ego (tho you ALREADY have everything) soo it starts getting anxious and that's totally opposite of meditating.
When bloggers say 'void' is easy....IT ISSS. But this ego don't wanna believe it.
And no you really don't need to affirm, or do methods, listen to subliminals, need a void concept (lol wtf is even that), LITERALLY NOTHING. IT'S JUST A STATE THAT YOU BECOME AWARE OF!!
It's just you are aware of getting your 'desires' instantly... that's why you get your 'desires' instantly. Void ain't your purest form or something. It's just a state from which you can experience you being the awareness from the closest (or may be not).
Literally ppl have hyped it soo much that now it's toxic. I am not against the 'void state'. But the way ppl ruin their mental health by putting something like this on the pedestal....it shrinks my heart. Coz I've been thru that and i don't want y'all go thru the same phase of exhaustion.
Just know that it's just a made up state just like this ego is made up by the SELF. Nothing special at all!!
Hope i could convey what i wanted too!🫶🏻✨
-Love, bee💗🧚🏻‍♀️
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punksocks · 1 month
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Warning Signs That You May Have A Toxic/Karmic Significant Other
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Hey everyone, you may have seen my recent post about breaking up with my ex partner after 5.5 years. If not, I’ve been deep in reflection after ending this relationship. My reasons for ending it were that he refused to seek professional help to manage his anger which would come out in constant outbursts of violence (not physical ab*se but hitting walls, kicking furniture, scarring my dog, etc) and his mental health in general. After breaking things off I analyzed our relationship and all the red flags became crystal clear in hindsight. This blog is not only my emotional space to reflect, but also a place to give out advice to make sure you guys feel less alone in the world. So I’ve compiled a list of behaviors that made it clear that in hindsight the relationship was destine to be toxic and could not continue. It’s important to take lessons from painful experiences in order to continue to grow, and that’s what I hope I can help with by sharing my experiences here:
(TW Manipulation, Distressing Themes, Emotional Ab*se)
- They hate your intuition: (they work to make you doubt whatever means you have of self guidance. Whether that’s tarot/astrology, or spirituality in general, or therapy, or your simple gut feelings/reactions to things. They hate them because they know that they’ll be singled out at some point by them so they work to make you not believe in yourself through manipulation/gaslighting. My ex would constantly say the tarot is going to tell me to break up with him, but he never really changed he’d just belittle it and say I was getting weird about spirituality and he’d try to make me doubt myself or choose between the tarot and him. When I asked him to go to therapy he would also say that he was worried the therapist would tell him to break up with me-implying I was the problem. When I would ask him to go anyway he would find a way to avoid it- saying it’s too expensive, too hard to find, he doesn’t have time, etc)
-They constant give you advice that puts you in harm’s way: (My ex always told me I was too quick to cut off people that threw me under the bus and that I was paranoid. When I found out my former business partner was being shady and stealing from me, he told me to keep working with her. I said I had to take things over. He said I had no chance of covering the expenses on my own and that he wasn’t going to help me at all even though he was working a consistent 9-5. I rationalized this as putting too much pressure on him to support me through my apprenticeship over the previous few months, even though by the time we were having this discussion I had picked up a seasonal 9-5 to compensate for starting the business. I still felt guilty because I was asking him to cover the rent at home while I built this business up. I ended up wracking up debt over trying to cover everything myself and he was telling me I was going to fail every step of the way. When I didn’t fail and the business remained open over a year later, he said he had always believed in me every step of the way.)
- They rewrite history (that’s the other thing- when I broke up with him he said it was his idea to open the studio in the first place. This was a lie. A bold one at that. At the time I would have had to become self taught due to dealing with several egotistical mentors (wow thematic) and I looked for positions in other studios and there were none. My ex told me I should “pause” my goals. I told him I’ll open up my own space with another artist. He had a long talking down to me about how we couldn’t afford any of that, and how impossible it was, etc. But I went through with it anyway, effectively doing all the work on my own. He constantly told me what I was doing was crazy. But I made success out of it, thank God. Now my ex is trying to take credit for the whole thing as if I don’t remember what happened. Audacious.)
- Instead of having their own dreams they focus on wearing yours down (I have so many big dreams I want to accomplish and every other idea I shared with my ex was pushed back on or breadcrumbed. I wanted to live abroad, he’d say it’s too expensive but maybe he could find a way to make it work if I stopped putting so much pressure on him. I took over my own business, he told me I shouldn’t do it and should quit while I’m ahead. He would always try to counter every idea I had with a “logical reason” of why it wouldn’t work. He would try to control me by doubting me and in turn trying to get me to doubt myself. I never actually listened to him in hindsight, and when I pushed through successfully he would pretend to have been on my side the whole time.)
-They always compare you to their exes, in bold ways (My ex would always go out of his way to bring up his past relationships. The examples and instances were never appropriate. But one of the first worst early examples was when we were at a show. My friend’s band was playing. In the middle of the set he decided to look up his ex on social media. I was clearly uncomfortable but he continued. Then when we’re talking he brought up a nickname she used to call him that was inappropriate. When I was upset by this he threw a shirt (merch gifted to him by my friend���s band) in the booth almost hitting me with it and he stormed off. He made himself seem like the victim in a situation where he was trying to bait me into starting a public argument and yet made me soothe him afterward.)
- The betrayal of not ever being believed (early on this was another giant red flag in hindsight. I’m black and I tried to explain colorism to him, while I was having a bad experience with it. He’s white and should have been listening and understanding with open ears. Instead he tried to argue me down for being “mean” to light skinned black people. In the experience I was talking about how a mixed femme at work established a boundary with our white bosses to try to avoid racist harm. They let the femme do this without any pushback. I tried to establish the same boundary in the same meeting and those white bosses accused me of actively refusing to do my job. I told my ex this was colorist and that’s when he argued with me about this. He didn’t believe my experiences until he googled “the right articles”. When I brought this up in the future he would say he was just trying to see all black people as equal. It was a pretty disgusting defense.)
- Throwing insults in your face about past trauma (I told my ex about how emotionally abusive my mother was (wow there’s that pattern again) and he would throw this in my face and blame me or compare me to her at the slightest provocation in several arguments. When I was disrespected at work, he would blame me for misinterpreting things. Complaining about how I used him for money whenever I had asked him for help managing the business’ expenses. And so many deep cuts of things he should never said to me and names he shouldn’t have called me if he ever cared about me. He always wrote it off as me misremembering or him meaning it as something else or a distraction tactic of whataboutism -‘what about when you complained that I left dirty clothes on the floor?’ For example. All ways he tried to manipulate me from seeing this pattern of messed up behavior. Every argument he would make us talk in circles until I would have to give up from frustration and exhaustion.)
-They’re full of hot air, and if they seem like they aren’t they’re probably mirroring you (when I broke up with him I stopped hanging out with him pretty much immediately. Although I had to coordinate moving out still, I started keeping my head down to focus on my work. Essentially I had already moved on. I thought we had had deep discussions about the world and life but when I had less to say he had nothing to add. He would just keep filling up the air with anecdotes about nothing and commentary on anything just to keep crossing my boundaries and to try to force me to pay attention to him when it was clear I neither interested or comfortable doing so.)
- They try to force you to become as cynical and jaded as they are (I was never antagonistic per se, but when we were together I had unconsciously started looking/preparing for the worst in every scenario and every person I’d meet. Because of my ex’s toxic influence. Getting along with coworkers? They must be just “kissing up to you” according to him. Like that tv show most people are fond of? No way that has to be trash. Want to try something new? No there can’t be anything good about that. He was a very stuck person that refused to find the joy in almost anything. Unless it was too impressive to ignore —but even then he had to nitpick it apart. I would wonder why his compliments would feel so hollow- it was because he really had trouble seeing the good in anything. Like a day or two after we broke up I was already feeling lighter and more optimistic. When people were kind to me I embraced it easier and in turn every aspect of life got a little brighter. The contempt for others was palatable. Because he expected everyone to be ready to undercut him like he was ready to do to them.)
- Before you know it, they’ll have you romanticizing breadcrumbing behavior (I asked my ex to get on meds for his mental health and to find a therapist so many times over the course of 5 years. 4-5 months before I broke up with him he got on medication. Then after a peace period of a month or so, we were back in a cycle of petty arguments and he was saying the meds don’t work. He didn’t even try to go to therapy until I broke up with him. he got an appointment the next day because he “was trying to win me back” Essentially, he’d never work on himself or actually actively improve things. He’d always make one or two half steps to placate me then complain about how it was too hard and completely impossible to put the work in. Even with the therapy example, he wanted to display that he could make progress in order to win me back. Don’t worry, I had seen this tactic before and knew he would just fall back into toxicity. So, it didn’t work.)
- When you do leave they get cocky about how you’ll have nowhere to go (I leaned on my ex to support me when I became overwhelmed by figuring out my business on my own. I worked several temp jobs in addition to the business but it was stretching me thin. So I needed his help several times and only had so much saved up by the time I broke up with him. After begging me to take him back the entire night and pretending to be supportive, the next day he was scoffing and boasting about how “[he] didn’t even know what [I] was going to do.” He did this over everything from buying my own detergent-even though I always bought the detergent- to managing my bills on my own-even though I usually managed most of my bills on my own- until I finally was able to move out and leave him behind.)
- They never defend you and always make it seem like it’s your fault if you get attacked (My ex was always siding with abusive people and gaslighting me when I noticed that behavior. As many of you may know, my mom was a terror throughout my childhood. I confided in my ex about how much of an impact this had had on me. Before I went no contact with her we all got dinner when she came in town to see me. Despite all my warnings and preemptive begging to be supported through the difficulty of meeting with her my ex threw me under the bus immediately. He laughed at her jokes at my expense and didn’t stop her at all from singling me out. I shutdown in this moment and began to draw to cope- I’m neurodivergent so that’s one of the things I default to doing when I’m overwhelmed. They continued to make fun of me together and when I asked him why he didn’t have my back afterward, he blamed me for “not being friendly enough” and “not interacting with [my] mom enough”. This pattern of doubting and failing to help me would continue through our entire relationship.)
- They’ll have -self aware- moments that aren’t quite what they seem (I truly cannot count the number of times my ex would start an argument just to talk me in circles then try to get me to believe I was in the wrong too. It was truly maddening. He would always push to say he “understood” how we had gotten there. Then ramble on and on and on saying that I was attacking him and he was the victim of things. I asked him to do the dishes? I’m “criticizing [his] housework and putting too much pressure on [him]”. I ask him not to throw things when he’s upset? I’m “overly criticizing [him] and making [him] so anxious he can’t help but hit things”. And on and on and on it went. He would always tidy it up by saying he forgave me because we were “both wrong” and he just “would try to be better next time and [I] should too”.)
-They have underlying personality issues that need to be addressed (and when you bring a hint of these up, they lash out about how you’re attacking them and they throw personal attacks back at you because of their fragile ego. If you -somehow- get them to see a mental health professional you may find them lying about what feedback they got. After I broke up with him he said he’d go to anger management class and find a therapist “to win me back”- funny how it’s after you leave them and set the ultimate boundary they do the work to show you they can hypothetically change and it’s never one of the times you’ve begged before in the midst of madness. Before I moved out I overheard his therapy appointment and she asked about his bipolar diagnosis and he said he was just anxious despite the mood swings. When he came to me to tell me the good news of him finally going to therapy he left that out. When I asked if the therapist knew if he had another disorder he manipulated that. He said the therapist asked if it could be anything else but it was just a brief thought. He framed it that way instead of the consistent behavioral issue it was.)
- Usually they attract drama and chaos but blame you for it as their partner (He always kept his ex around in boundary crossing ways. In hindsight I wouldn’t be surprised if he had cheated in any way with any of them because of how murky he was about spending one on one time with them. They also will always encourage you to keep other toxic people in your life so they can keep flying under the radar/blaming the other toxic people when you feel drained/etc. When I decided to go no contact with my parents, he second guessed me. When I decided to go no contact with my friends that were harmful, he second guessed me. He went out of his way to call me paranoid and picky and every other name in the book he could. Even after I broke up with him he went out of his way to tell me I was paranoid and should quit tarot reading “because [he] knew it would turn [me] against [him] one day”. I told him his opinion meant less than nothing to me.)
- Whenever you set a boundary they try to undermine it and take it as an attack (When we met, all of my ex’s small circle of friends was made up of people he had dated or slept with. Once his friend, who had flirted with him multiple times, asked to stay in his apartment while she moved out of her place. He offered her his bed. She even had a boyfriend at the time but she went to my ex first. I told him this made me very uncomfortable. He screamed and yelled about how he’ll always choose his friends first and I have to understand that and that she didn’t want to sleep in his bed while he was in it. It was crazy but the whole time he called me dramatic and made me feel insane for being so uncomfortable with it.)
- They may often act out in public over the littlest things (my ex would get absolutely infuriated when there were lines in places. Insane right? Especially living in cities? with other people? And yet whenever we went out I’d have to prepare my mental for the possibility of him getting angry and breaking down because people were waiting ahead of him in line. In hindsight the entitlement he had was overwhelming in itself. The last time we went out to a movie -which was a whole scheduling fiasco in of itself with him during our entire relationship, he was obsessed with movies. I like movies but spending 6-9 hours in a theater? Every week? On top of hours of mandatory movie viewing at home? It was exhausting. He also made me pay for my own monthly movie pass even though it was his thing. Even in covid, although I’m immunocompromised I had to negotiate with him to wait to get vaccinated before he went back to the theater. And to wear a mask in the showings. He would huff and fuss about those small courtesies the entire time. Anyway the last movie we went out to see had a long line but we bought tickets ahead of time. He pitched a fit and kept storming off away from me and threatening to leave over the line. I kept following him foolishly, and coaxed him into staying. Of course there were enough seats and of course he enjoyed the movie. He apologized after for “getting overwhelmed by the line” but that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.)
- It’s all or nothing for them but breadcrumbs for you (I’ve always been clear that I have no plans of staying in the country I’m from. From the start I’ve understood I’m not meant to stay here. And yet I stayed in a city I hated so he could suddenly finish his associates degree. We moved back to my hometown but we lived in the most stressful neighborhood because he “wanted to be downtown with a pool.” He would always complain about every single idea I had to leave the country. I’m thinking about doing a language school or artist residency? He “did long distance with [his] ex who cheated and it would be too hard”. I want to study this language and go to this -easy-place for a visa? He “kept forgetting to study and had no idea how we would ever afford the move.” And on and on it went until I simply gave up on trying to get him to step up.)
- They twist everything to be about them even grief (my grandma was like a mother to me, so it hit me hard when she died. She even told me she was going and thanked me for my friendship at the end. It was still a very difficult period and I couldn’t accept it until it just happened. When I got the call and burst into tears my ex said “I’m so sorry… do you blame me because we stayed here for me to go to school and you couldn’t be home with her?” It hadn’t even been 20 minutes since I learned she was gone. The extent of his selfishness would shock me until I cut him off.)
- They make you bury things they don’t like about your self expression/goals (I’ll use a simple example. I love fairy lights. When we met I had fairy lights and my ex had no complaints. But when we moved in together they ‘would always bother him and give him headaches’. So I took out the lights. Then he got me a glowing lamp I wanted for my birthday but never allowed me to turn it on when we were in the room. I brought the lights I love to my work and my ex would complain about them there too. He’d say he didn’t know why he “just didn’t like spending time at the studio” and then use the lights as an excuse, and then hed complain all day about how exhausting it was to be there. He’d only offer to come to the studio more if I turned them off just for him. All this time later and all of a sudden I don’t have any lights I like up. This didn’t happen for everything, but there were a lot of little things he was so controlling about just to be authoritative about something I liked.)
- They hate it when you have positive things happen to you (and instead of seeing your success as a good thing they see it as you one upping them, so they often express jealousy and then disguise it as a joke. He would “joke” about how I was going to fail so often I lost count. When I had a great day there would always be a hint of disappointment in his voice. He would always undermine it in anyway he could. “Oh you made X amount that’s nice, but that’s not enough to cover the rent”. I got a lot of compliments on my outfits, so he’d say “no one ever compliments me”. Always something to bring me down and try to get me to focus on a worry.)
- They downplay your trauma (I’m a burn survivor. My dad burned me through hot water and neglect as a baby on around 20% of my body. For that and many other reasons I became sort of a local legend for my time in our local child protective services. In a city of well over a million people. Doctors thought I wouldn’t be able to walk again and it was a miracle when I did. My grandmother had to wrap my scars everyday, twice a day for 3-4 years afterwards. She would tell me the pain would make me cry random throughout the night until I went to kindergarten. All that to say, my scars had a BIG impact on my health and my life. When I told my ex about my insecurity he said “sorry that happened, but it’s not that big of a deal.” Crazily at 21 I took that as flattery. It was not, it was severely downplaying the trauma I went through because my ex didn’t care for that part of my life. I even remember thinking I should tag a post as a burn survivor and he said “isn’t that like advertising your burns, why warn people about it?”. I got better and embraced my scars all through my own healing but damn it was all severely fucked up.)
- They usually have a Fatal Flaw they try to make you contend with (My ex had explosive anger where he would hit something (a wall, the couch, his desk, etc) or throw things at any slight provocations, and he would disguise it as a reaction of low self esteem instead. I didn’t realize how bad the conditioning had got until I broke up with him and I wasn’t getting jumpy from him coming home anymore or my dog wasn’t hiding from him anymore. I was walking on eggshells all the time and I only knew it subconsciously. He would also curse at me and call me the meanest names from the smallest arguments, he would get belittling. It’s their signature style to make you feel small and to desensitize you to truly nightmarish behavior.)
- That’s the other thing- most people and sometimes animals can tell they’re off (I would always wonder why my ex never seemed to make a good impression on others. They could tell he was off from the start.)
- They start trying to love bomb you after you give up or when they sense you are finally giving up (I always asked my ex to pay more attention to my business/endeavors/art/etc when we were together, to respond to texts I sent him at work-within reason-, to give me some support or feedback. His replies were always blasé. “That’s nice.” Or “I will.” As soon as I broke up with him. He was complaining that he always missed texting me at work. Then he started getting more involved on my social media pages. Then for the first time in months he watched my story on Instagram completely unwelcomed and unprompted. It was how fake the performance of interest was that really struck me after everything.)
- They always ask for one more chance when you’ve given them at least a hundred chances (Evem when I broke up with him he kept saying “you cut off other people (for being toxic) but I never thought it would be me!” I feel like I’ve already put plenty of examples of this, so I’ll just say this points to the fact that at their base motivation they don’t really respect you or care about you. If someone actually cares about you, they’re going to go out of their way to make you comfortable, to care about your opinions and feedback, from the very start)
- Even when it’s over, they still always try to blame you for their bad behavior. (My ex painted himself as an introvert when he was in a relationship. I had always asked him to make -newer, healthier- friends and to make a social effort. Since the beginning. After we broke up he made an effort to go out to social events. After he went out one day he came back and said “I was such a girlfriend guy, I never went out and socialized!” In turn I said you’re not a girlfriend guy you never cared about what I had to say, if you were a girlfriend guy I wouldn’t have had to break up with you for literally never taking me into account. So that ended that.)
- When it’s over the relief hits you in waves (I didn’t even realize how much I was doing to cope with the hostility and boredom of the relationship until it was over. I stopped overeating, I actually lost my appetite for days. I went from taking edibles every week to not even craving the ones I had. I wasn’t the most indulgent but I was shocked by how immediately I was fine with going cold turkey. My time with myself became even more peaceful. Even before I moved out, I was more creative and productive. I felt the beauty and the optimism of all the little moments deep in my spirit and my glow was brighter than ever before. My ex kept turning to me in despair and asking “how can you be so okay with this??” I answered him indifferently because he wasn’t worth entertaining. But obviously my spirit had been restored, I wasn’t wasting love on anyone that didn’t deserve it anymore. My energy was finally all mine. And I had faith in God that everything would be alright. And it was.)
You slowly but surely realize that you were formed to be a victim of a narcissistic/antagonistic person due to being raised by narcissistic parents and in an environment full of enabling emotionally and verbally abusive behavior. When we met I was so vulnerable. I had moved to a new city on my own, I was in a financially precarious place. The city was The Worst for Black people (tm). I was so desperate for an ally, I caught an energy vampire instead. I’ve healed and learned a lot from this. To be much more deliberate about who I let into my life. To be unafraid of purging and moving on when someone shows you they’re incapable of growth. To not accept crumbs of affection and appreciation. To pour my love into myself first before I let anyone else do the same. So I write all this to say, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that some people are so corrupted to the core that they’d rather destroy you than heal themselves. So… forgive yourself for this experience. Forgive yourself for being a person that just loves and cares about others. That believes in cultivating a world full of warmth and compassion. Don’t let one (or a dozen- ugh the people I’ve had to move on from oml) toxic ass person ruin you and your compassion. I had to forgive myself for believing in a lot of disappointing, inept, bad people. But I won’t stop being kind and compassionate because of those losers. I’ll continue to shine my light on those who need it whenever I’m supposed to. I mean I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rely on anyone again without fear of their self interest but one step at a time, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Anyway, wish me luck on this fresh start. Buy a reading if you want to support me. But yeah, thanks for reading y’all.
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ribb0ngirl · 2 months
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𝑚𝑦 𝑔𝑢𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑣𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎 𝑡𝑜𝑥𝑖𝑐 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦 ౨ৎ
by a girl living in a shitty household for my girls (or guys, nonbinaries, etc.) living in shitty households ♡
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𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑡𝑟𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝚑𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑡𝚑𝑒𝑚
♡ Trying to change people who don't want to change or don't even acknolledge the fact that they have to change is literally pointless. Instead, try to focus on what you can control, such as how you respond to your parents, your choices, and your behavior.
𝑏𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝚑 𝑤𝚑𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝚑𝑎𝑟𝑒
♡ Trust is a crucial element of healthy relationships, so consider only sharing personal information with those who have proven themselves trustworthy. Your parents probably don't fall under this category if they:
gossip about you
criticize you
share things about you without your permission
use what you tell them against you
You don't have to tell them everything (or anything) that's going on in your life. Only share mundane stuff if your parents are nosy (like mine)
𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘 𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠' 𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠
♡ So an example of this could be: If you know that your parents become forgetful, aggressive, or otherwise difficult after a certain time of day, try to interact with them earlier in the day to avoid the worst of their behavior. But this doesn't mean that you should plan your life around your parents. You can work around their limitations if that works for you. Always put yourself first in this situation.
𝚑𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑎𝑛 𝑒𝑥𝑖𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑔𝑦
♡ When things start to take a turn for the absolute worse have a plan to leave, like an excuse. Obviously don't use the same one every time but here are a few:
homework/studying
a chore (washing the dishes, cleaning your room, etc.)
friend hangout you're late to
errand
Personally I totally overuse having homework or studying
𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑎𝑟𝑔𝑢𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘
♡ I know how tempting it is to want to yell at your parents, talk back or straight up disagree or correct them when they are clearly in the wrong. But I've learned the hard way that it makes your life so much easier if you just suck it up, I know it sucks but just go along with what they say, that way the aftermath won't be that bad or not even bad at all.
𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓
♡ Dealing with toxic parents can be stressful. That stress can take a toll on your physical and mental health. It’s important that you make self-care a priority.
𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑡𝚑𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝚑𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑟 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝑜𝑥𝑖𝑐 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑡𝚑𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑢𝑛𝚑𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠, 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑛𝑔 ♡
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radkindoffeminist · 6 months
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I am 13 years old. I have boobs bigger than any other girl in my year and I stopped growing in height a year ago. People tell me I could pass for 16-18 easily. Girls ask what size I am. Boys mock me for having tits. Men hit on me. Most people think I am a lot older than I actually am. I am confused by everything.
I am 14 years old. I begin turning to online chatrooms and camsex for attention because I am so lonely and horny. I don't speak about them to anyone in my life because it's never spoken about. Women and girls don't have sexual desires. I start speaking to a guy, Glenn. He's 28-years-old and knows how old I am. I speak to him for years and he's the first guy I camsex with. He speaks to me like a person and not a child and I love him for that. One day, he doesn't respond and I never hear from him again, but spend weeks hoping that I will see another message from him (he had a habit of disappearing for weeks only to come back). He doesn't message again. My heart is broken.
I am 15 years old, just about. I continue using these online chatrooms because I am such a lonely teenager and need some sort of attention and this is the only place I can find it. I meet a guy, David, who I ask to be my boyfriend. He was 21 years old. We speak every day for a month and have camsex all the time. He is sweet and mature and has his own car! Our plans to meet fall through and then he suddenly stops talking to me one day. Two months after that day, he messaged me again. His grandmother died so he couldn't deal with life. I feel empathic towards him but feel forced to take him back. When I realise that he won't take responsibility for the fact that cutting me off for months hurt me because he says that he was hurt, I break up with him. He insists on staying friends. I agree because I still feel bad for him.
I am 16 years old. I start college and I'm still speaking to my ex David, but then I see how possessive he is of me. He wants to meet up with me but will only do so on his terms, when he can kiss me all he wants because he still sees me as his. I try and speak to him about the guys at my college and he gets jealous. I stop speaking to him. I begin to realise just how toxic him and these chatrooms and camsex all is. I make a vow to stop it for my mental health, but it is hard to stop something when what draws you there is the fact that you're incredibly lonely.
I am 17 years old. It has been three years since I first opened a chatroom and had camsex and I actively try to stop. I have spoken to dozens, if not hundreds, of men by this point and they are all the same: they want to use me and will put on a little play to ensure they can get me. Some are just nice and upfront with me, using me and then never speaking to me again. Some put on a show, pretending that they like/love me so I become wrapped around their finger. Some are kind and caring, but then threaten me when they realise that they won't get what they want. Too many of them are angry when they hear the word no and if they aren't straight up agressive towards me, then they're making me feel guilty for having boundaries or trying to convince me to break them because they're different from the rest. I've met dozens of men who've claimed that they're different from the rest but they never are. They're all the same. After so many times of promising myself to stop, what really gets me to stop was someone threatening to share naked photos of me he'd taken while we were on a video call on my Facebook. I block him. I realise just how manipulated I'd been over the years and come to accept the fact that most, if not all, of these men had taken photos without my permission and some probably still have them saved somewhere.
I am 18 years old. I have managed to mostly stay away from the chatrooms and camsex, but I ended up speaking to one more guy. He seems so lovely and kind and caring. He is 26-years-old. We live far apart but he promises that he'll come and visit me sometime, even though he dodges the question every time I ask and never seems to be around or available when I'm available. We talked on and off for months. One day I tell him that I've decided to completely give up on camsex. It is too toxic and traumatic for me. I never want to do it again. He stops talking to me. I slowly realised how he was just nice to me because he wanted camsex and nudes. He never loved me but I loved him.
I am 19 years old. I start dating my ex-boyfriend. He is a genuinely wonderful and kind person. He does not disrespect my boundaries regarding camsex and nudes. He used to do a similar thing and understands how toxic and horrible these spaces can be. He's a good person, other than the fact that he mocks my interest in feminism and occasionally breaks some boundaries. We stay together for a year before we end up drifting apart.
I am 20 years old. I have severe depression. For the first time in my life, while I am incredibly drunk, I talk about my ex David and all the camsex stuff. I feel a weight lift off my shoulders knowing that other people agree that I was groomed. I had convinced myself for years that I was not groomed because I asked him out so everything that happened to me was my own fault. But I realise that while I was a stupid teenager, it still wasn't right for men to take advantage of me. I learn to accept that camsex and nudes will always be a point of trauma for me and something that I can never do again. I am so proud of myself for not doing it for two years.
I am 21 years old. I am the same age my ex David was when I dated him. I look at the freshers at my university and I couldn't imagine dating someone who is just out of college (high school). I had realised some years earlier that my relationship was toxic and pedophilic but it took me getting to the same age he was to realise just how horrible it was. I wish I could warn so many other women but I know I have to live with it because I was that teenage girl who dated that older man so I know that every single one thinks that they're the exception to the rule. They think that there's no way they're getting groomed by and older man because they really are that mature. I wish I could tell them but they'll just run into their groomer's arms even more.
I am 22 years old. I am off anti-depressants and glad that my sex drive is back. I decide that now, post COVID, would be the perfect time to have some fun. I sleep around, but the sex is so unsatifying for me most of the time. The women are good but the men spent five minutes inside of me and are then done. Half of them don't do anything to make me cum and never ask if I have. One of them complains that I take ages to cum after spending two minutes rubbing me off (badly). After feeling guilty for cancelling something last minute, I end up hooking up with someone who I shouldn't have. I cannot remember the last time I felt so repulsed by someone's touch. I stop hooking up with people. For the first time in years, I broke my no nudes, no camsex rule. I feel awful about myself.
I am 23 years old. I realise that my hooking-up with people phase was just a copy of my camsex stage. I realise that the men I hooked up with used the exact same tactics as the men I had camsex with: seemed like nice people so they could use me; got angry at me when I said no to them because they felt entitled to whatever they wanted for being nice to me; and thought that they could drop me for weeks at a time because I will always come running back to them. Sometimes I feel so assured in myself because I have spent years learning about all the maipulation tactics that they all use and because I can say no to them when they try to guilt me; sometimes I feel like that same 14 year old girl who ignored every red flag that she ever saw because she was so deperate for love and attention from anyone.
I am 24 years old. I am 2 years younger than my ex Sam was when I dated him and 4 years younger than Glenn was when I started talking to him. I look at the 18-20 year olds in our office and they are basically children to me. If I feel this way now, how much creepier will it feel when I actually hit 26 or 28? I tell people I have no interest in men and for the first time in my life I truly mean it. I stopped dating them years ago but all interest in them is gone now. Sometimes people tell me that I just haven't met the right man yet. I shrug it off but I want to scream at them. I have met dozens of men who have told me that they're different to the rest but they are all the same in the end. The right man doesn't exist.
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bougiebutchbitch · 5 months
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cannot believe that 'yelling at your boss when he repeatedly almost gets you and your crew killed and lies to manipulate you into staying when you try to leave, is not emotional abuse, actually' and 'there is such a thing as a mutually toxic and unhealthy relationship where both parties are incredibly shitty to each other - and this is obviously where Ed and Izzy stand until S2, when it becomes blatantly abusive' is a controversial take. But as this is Abuse Apologism And Ableism, The FandomTM, I really should not be surprised
Just.
I was deep in physically and mentally abusive relationships in my teens/twenties - including relationships that started out with mutual toxicity and bad decisions on all sides, but which became outright physical & mental & other sorts of abuse with myself as the victim. I know my shit.
I suppose I can see where 'Izzy emotionally abused Ed' comes from IF people give literally the most uncharitable interpretation to Every Single Scene, and assume Izzy shouts angrily at Ed and negs him all the time rather than this being how he acts when he's incredibly stressed by circumstance caused directly by Ed and at the end of his fucking rope? Which, as we see in S2... Is not the case.
It's not freaking emotional abuse when you're shouting at your boss who keeps almost getting you and your crew killed. Even if this is NOT a kind or productive way to help Ed deal with his mental health, considering that Ed's actions have consequences that he repeatedly and blithely ignores, it's pretty fucking justified!
It's not freaking emotional abuse if your boss OPENLY LOVES MAIMING PEOPLE AND IS MORE THAN HAPPY TO BURN THEM ALIVE and you encourage that, while upholding his right to not kill with his own hands. Even if he has private breakdowns after the fact because he suffers from black-and-white thinking, dissociates himself from any wrongdoing, and is afraid of his potential to become 'a monster'.
Are these choices helpful? No. Are they kind? No. Is Izzy demonstrating Model Citizen Behaviour? Definitely not.
But it's sure as hell not emotional abuse. And it doesn't justify the physical and emotional abuse Ed puts Izzy through in S2.
Nothing you say can 'make' him hit you. If he chooses to hit you (or... choke you out then repeatedly mutilate you and pressure you to commit suicide and makes you constantly live in fear for your life and the lives of people you care about) he makes that decision himself. Yes, even if you shouted at him first. Yes, even if you were arguing. Yes, even if you were in the wrong in that argument. Yes, even if he has a Tragic BackstoryTM and mental health issues. This shit shouldn't be controversial.
Signed: one of those actual abuse survivors.
#izzy hands#israel hands#the izcourse#ofmd izzy#our flag means death#ofmd#to be clear: I think Izzy was an absolute shitbag in S1!#but. as someone who WAS emotionally AND physically abused just. Idk. The amount of straws people are grasping at#that's... not what emotional abuse looks like. holy shit.#if they were trying to depict that then they frankly did a really bad job lol#I think he was jealous and also worried for himself and HIS crew (who weren't the Revenge crew at that point in time)#I think he egged Ed on. But as we see REPEATED THROUGHOUT THE SHOW#ED DOES ENJOY VIOLENCE#HE LOVES A GOOD MAIM#HE BURNS PEOPLE ALIVE#THEN DISSOCIATES - that's what makes his character so fascinating and relatable to me! but he absolutely kills people#he just can't handle the reality of that or what it says about him#Izzy didn't 'make' him do jack shit. S1 is heavily dedicated to showing just how much Izzy never can get Ed to do what he wants#'Ed was afraid of him'?? wtf where do you even GET that from#if anything Ed is afraid of HIMSELF in that final scene. And he has good reason to be!#That self-loathing and fear of the self is INTEGRAL to him! See: when he's ACTUALLY scared of the fucking kraken#Anyway stop making both Ed and Izzy fundamentally boring by making one wholly good and one wholly bad lol#Izzy did bad shit. He got a good redemption arc and died. a lot of his fans are tired of that arc.#Ed did bad shit. He didn't get a good redemption arc and a lot of his fans are pissed about it.
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oceane4loveu · 7 months
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☾𝕄𝕆𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 BEAUTY ☾: 1 week to glow up
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I really need a quick and simple glow up because I'm starting my job soon so I created a program to glow up in 1 week and really get to know myself and improve myself physically and mentally. You can do this program in 2 weeks or more if you want.
* ੈ✩‧₊˚day 1: lunar preparation
★shadow work: It’s time to work on yourself, answer their questions to get to know yourself better.
1. What did my childhood need most?
2. What am I avoiding?
3. What am I addicted to?
4. What secrets am I hiding and why?
5. Am I honest with myself and others?
6. What are my biggest misconceptions about myself?
7. What are my biggest fears?
8. What should I give up?
9. Am I a victim of trauma? Have I done enough to heal?
10. What do I need to forgive myself for?
11. What lessons do I still need to learn?
12. What do I want most in this life?
13. What are the first signs you notice and know that your mental health is deteriorating?
14. Do I try to hide parts of myself from others? Why ?
15. What was I like when I was a child?
16. What's the worst way someone could describe you?
★moodboard: makes a Moodboard that reflects your aspirations and your inspirations that you can look at every morning; you can put it as a wallpaper or hang it on the wall.
★ Do a major cleaning: tidy your room, delete numbers, sort through your phone, sort through your series and films, social media and my playlist, cut off toxic people.
★make a list of all your goals, choose 4 big goals in your life and separate them into smaller goals to make them easier to achieve.
★create a morning and night routine: you can copy that of someone who inspires you or simply create your own.
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★do 1 hour of sport per day
* ੈ✩‧₊˚day2:inner radiance
★ start Journaling: write down your thoughts, your emotions, your thoughts for the day and also positive affirmations.
★make a list of things you like about yourself
★become softer:
1. When someone calls you, first turn to the person and smile: This helps you to be gentler and more polite towards the person you are talking to and after smiling it gives you the opportunity to speak in a kinder tone.
2. think before you speak: this is very important when learning to speak softer because it gives you time to pay attention to the tone of your voice and also be careful with the things you say.
3. Avoid yelling at others out of frustration: Yelling is the most important thing you should avoid when trying to speak softer. When you're frustrated or going through a tough time, try doing something you enjoy to calm yourself down like music, drawing, etc. instead of taking it out on others. if someone tries to make you angry, politely tell them to stop and don't let your anger control you.
* ੈ✩‧₊˚day3:educational brilliance
-listen to a podcast: I only listen to podcasts in French but if you don't like listening to podcasts you can watch videos from tam kaur, thewizardliz, simonesquared and more
-read a book: I recommend atomic habit, ikigai, the why cafe, the other books that I read are in French.
-learn a new language: on YouTube there are plenty of videos that you can find on the language of your choice.
-learn another skill: I chose to improve my computer skills but you can choose any skill it can be drawing, cooking whatever you want.
* ੈ✩‧₊˚day4:celestial radiance
-work on self-love
-work on self-esteem
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* ੈ✩‧₊˚day5:lunar dream
-spa day at home
-meditation
-listen to your favorite music
-watch your favorite series or films
* ੈ✩‧₊˚day6: lunar flight
-find your ikigai: that is to say your reason for being, explore your passions, your values ​​and your talents to really find what motivates you here is an example:
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-Black Swan mindset: the Black Swan mindset is about knowing your value and not letting others tell you your value, it is a mindset of trust and knowledge of your value.
* ੈ✩‧₊˚day7:moonlight beauty
become more feminine
1-have good posture: gives you more elegance, you seem taller and more confident.
2-smell good have a characteristic scent: could remind someone of you, smell good shows that you care about your hygiene.
3-Getting Your Nails Done: Getting your nails done could make you look confident and well-groomed.
4-style your hair: hair is a key point of your appearance and a good hairstyle could automatically make you even more beautiful.
5-wear jewelry: simple jewelry can enhance your outfit a lot and bring out your features.
things to do every day
☆ Workout
☆ Learn a new skill
☆ Listen to subliminals
☆ Meditate
☆ Read a book
☆ Do Journaling
☆ Listen to Podcasts
I'm going to start tomorrow and to stay organized and always have an idea of ​​what I have to do I created a simple Notion if you want it's right here જ⁀➴
𝕄𝕆𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 BEAUTY
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colebabey888 · 6 days
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Things I did that helped me become "That IT Girl" and could help you too! | IT GIRL DIARIES 🎀🩷
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Physical Health + Skincare🎀 🩷
- cleared my gut ( very crucial )
- worked my lazy ass off ( walking, cycling skipping just for 15 min everyday does more than you can imagine )
- became besties with green juices and smoothies ( it doesn't have to be nasty, just healthy )
- included leafy greens in every meal
- LEMON WATER ( hot water with lemon in every morning on an empty stomach and you can add honey if you don't enjoy sour things, trust me on this one !!! )
- limit processed artificial sugar ( honey and sugar in fruits are natural aka glucose and actually a good energy source )
- stopped eating junk food ( occasionally is fine but constantly, will cause your body to have issues digesting = bad gut health )
- lost 25 kg ( it's not necessary to lose weight because we're all perfect as we are, but I was at an unhealthy weight for my age + height which affected me physically and mentally )
- ate more protein and fats over carbs ( this works for me but may not for many. ps. fats = healthy fats meaning avocado, nuts, egg yolks ect. )
- BONE BROTH !!!! ( it's packed with all the minerals your body needs and has mega benefits for your skin, it helped clear my acne so well )
- prioritized zinc supplements in my everyday life for hairgrowth and to promote healthy skin ( it has tons of other benefits too, these were just my main focus points )
- remained consistent with my skincare routine ( advice : less = more )
- started doing coconut oil pulling ( 5 min is all you need )
Mental Health + Lifestyle🎀 🩷
- began journaling negative thoughts that lingered in my mind ( leave it on paper instead of projecting it into your reality )
- i drew up a vision board and lived my life according to it ( this is very beneficial if you're a procrastinator like me and can't find direction. it's similar to having a to do list )
- very important! cut off toxic friends ( you don't need an indepth of what toxic is, you'll know! )
- i began to read more often ( choose your favorite genre but I chose spirituality as it helped me gain mental stability )
- be selfish ( don't actually be rude for no reason ) be selfish with your time, your space, your energy. reciprocation is key, if you are not receiving what you're giving, you're wasting yourself.
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this is your daily talk with @colebabey888 🎀 🩷
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