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perpetuallydaydreaming · 1 year

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ghost of a smile.

sirius said, “you fall in love with anything with a pulse.” so naturally james proves him wrong.

tags: james potter x reader,, they/them pronouns,, you’re a ghost,, sirius is vv protective of james,, wolfstar (it wasn’t supposed to be but then when i kept writing it just felt right),, crack,, age gap(???),, magical inter-racial relationships(???)

“prongs, it’s a fuckin’ ghost.”

“i love them.”

“it’s a ghost!” sirius punctuated the sentence by grabbing james by the shoulders and literally shaking him to sanity. but proved to be futile as the messy haired man clicks his tongue and shrugs off sirius’ hand as if it offended him.

“i know that, and my feelings won’t change. they make me feel alive.”

sirius groans, oh the irony, eyes wild in disbelief and turning to the rest, hopefully as exasperated and bewildered as he is. the look on his face as if saying, can you believe this guy?!

peter still looks disturbed and mooney looks like he’s trying to understand what james’ thought process was.

but that’s the thing. there is no thought. that’s why they’re in this situation in the first place. sirius likes to think there is no sane person to fancy an incorporeal being. much less, ugh, love them.

but leave it to james to prove him wrong. sirius almost laughs at the absurdity of it all.

“i know you like to go above and beyond expectations. but when i said you can fall in love with anything with a pulse, i didn’t mean for it to be a challenge.”

you cleared your throat, “i’m guessing this isn’t the best time.” you interjected sheepishly. hovering just a little above the floor. sirius thinks you almost look like a normal student. if normal students were translucent and dead.

when nobody said anything, but gave sheepish (remus and peter), worried (james) and judging (sirius) looks.

“i should just go and let you gentlemen talk things through. i’ll see you later james.”

“no don’t go,” he pouted. actually pouted! the love sick fool. “i’ll come with you.”

you shook your head, translucent hair swaying with the movement. “no it’s alright, you can stay and talk with your friends.” you smiled.

you gave him an encouraging nudge, or so to speak, since he can’t really feel you. because, again—dead.

james just nodded, and like a puppy, stayed.

once you were gone, remus was the first to speak,

“james, i think what sirius is trying to say here is how did this even happen?” remus asks softly, scratching his cheek, like he does when the puzzle he’s solving isn’t as easy as he thought it would be.

james sighs, he actually sighs like a besotted maiden, “i was— just a lost soul,” sirius blanched. “—wandering on this earth and then i met them, my beautiful love.”

“that isn’t the only lost soul that day, i bet.” sirius scoffs.

completely ignoring sirius now, james continues, “and then it just feels like everything clicked into place. they were always there when i needed someone to talk to. they were always so warm and kind. they always listened to me, they don’t make fun of my feelings. they don’t disregard them. they’re so beautiful and so smart. they’re crazy smart, knows a lot of things about history and all. you two would get along well, mooney.”

“they should know about history considering they died in it.” sirius hiss out but ultimately ignored.

“but james…” remus starts, and sirius almost sighs in relief at least somebody was also using their brain.

but then james interrupts, “i know they’re a ghost, and there’s not much else i can do about that. but remus, i can feel them. when we talk, i know they understand me and i don’t think i’ve ever felt this way about someone before.”

sirius rolls his eyes, having heard a similar speech when james said he fell in love with the store clerk in a muggle record shop in london.

sirius wanted so badly to scream out louder, in hopes to wake his friend from his delusion.

james clearly isn’t sound of mind right now. and it’s his duty as his best mate to help him. with the help of remus, they can do it. so he took the first step.

“james—“

“i think that’s beautiful james.” remus cut in.

sirius have never felt so betrayed in his life. and by remus of all people. and his face made sure to show this betrayal. lips curling into a horrified gape, eyes in a frenzy of rage.

remus clicks his tongue at him and covers his face with his large warm hand.

“thank you remus.” his crazy friend gave his crazier friend a lopsided smile.

hells, he was even blushing.

“are you fucking serious right now remus? they’re dead!” he shouted, muffled by remus’ hand.

remus ignored him turning to a now frowning james, “why don’t you go ahead and catch up with them while i talk to sirius quickly.”

james gave sirius a brief look and nodded. walking back, searching for the poltergeist in the castle.

“what’s wrong with you?!” remus hissed once james was out of sight.

sirius removing the hand on his mouth, growling as he says, “me?! i’m not the one getting it on with a soul, remus. what you’re okay with this?”

“yes,” remus gave a noncommittal shrug, “i’d be okay with it even if you were the one totally enamoured by a ghost.”

sirius gave him a dead look, “you’d be okay with your boyfriend in love with a ghost.”

remus rolls his eyes, a light dust of pink glowing on his cheeks and ears, “not like that, i just mean if the situation was different, you’d want somebody to support you. besides, it’s james, i’m sure this is all harmless.”

“harmless?! am i really the only thinking this is down right strange? i mean it’s a spirit for merlin’s sake! i know my family isn’t exactly picky with their romantic counterparts, fucking cousins and all, so i might not be the best person to defend my case. but this is a dead thing! a ghost. haunting hogwarts. that has to cross some boundary, right?”

remus softly groaning in frustration, “do you think i don’t know that? of course i think this is crazy! but what else could we do? when has james ever listened to us? especially with his penchant for following skirts.”

“and the occasional pants.” peter added with a shrug.

“it’s even crazier that you agree with me but is still willing to let this go on?!”

“if it’s anything like his previous escapades then i’m sure this won’t last as long.” remus sighs, rubbing his neck and stretching his neck.

“ultimately, let him make a fool of himself then. great idea.”

“i think we should trust james more,” peter shrugged, “i mean i’ve seen more weird pairings than a wizard and a ghost. my neighbour’s first boyfriend was a goblin, you know.”

remus lifts his hand to peter, as if to say, see? peter gets it!

“et tu peter?” sirius deadpanned. “traitors. both of you.” turning away as he swiftly walks away from the group.

“what did i do?” peter calls out to him.

“you, especially were no help!” sirius shouted back. his huffs and angry steps echoing in the stone castle.

if they weren’t going to stop james from being barmy then it’s up to him to stop this from going further.

it was a week later and james was still dating the damn ghost. he was even off celebrating some obscure couple holiday. maybe it was your death anniversary, who knows. sweet circe, james is down bad.

sirius slammed a thick dusty old book in the quiet corner of the library.

madam pince already looking over to them aggressively hushing the group.

remus immediately called out a flustered apology before turning to sirius to whisper.

“what is that?”

with smug grin and a hand on his narrow hips, “this, my sweet mooney, is the answer to our haunting problem.”

an ancient, dusty, dirty book that was practically falling apart titled, polly’s practical practices to the paranormal and poltergeists.

“i told you to leave it.” remus clicking his tongue and glaring at the overly smug man.

peter gingerly grabbed the book and started to comb through the pages. “how is this going to help?”

“go to page 189, it talks about exorcisms.” leaning over peter’s shoulders.

“you’re going to exorcist james’ lover?” the tone remus used was full of judgment and condensation. and sirius does not welcome that energy into his space. so, he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms— ready to shut down the negative energy.

“it also says on page 7 that ghosts are simply souls that are unable to cross through the spiritual realm. so if anything, i’m doing them a favour.”

peter chewing his lip in contemplation. “shouldn’t we tell james about this first?”

“james is biased, therefore his opinion is invalid.”

remus leaning back into his seat in a slump, “james is a grown man. he can decide for himself what he wants to do in his free time, even if that includes hanging around with a ghost all day.”

sirius feels a twitch in his eye coming. remus for every ounce of his prettiness, equates that to his stubbornness. so you can just imagine how stubborn this man is when he wants to be.

“babe,” sirius groans out, “i don’t understand how you can just let james make a fool of himself like this!—“ there’s a distinct shushing sound, and sirius looks over to sheepishly nod in apology, continuing in a much lower but just as aggressive tone, “he’s dating a fucking ghost, and i’m going to stop it, okay?”

remus levelled him with a glare. “have you even tried getting to know them?”

“the ghost?”

remus levels him with a stare, “they have a name.”

“whatever.” sirius scoffs before straightening up and looking at two of his friends betrayal dawning on his face, “don’t tell m—“

“i’ve gotten to know them very well actually, peter has too. hung out multiple times now.”

“you have? since when? how? why didn’t you tell me?”

peter, closing the book softly, “since james told us, they’re actually pretty cool. not as mental as the other ghosts for one.”

sirius gawks, the familiar sting of disappointment and betrayal brewing in his navel. “and you didn’t think to inform me of this development?!”

“mr. black, please leave the premises if you can’t keep the decorum expected in the library!”

“—sorry!” sirius calls back, before turning back to them, whispering harshly, “some friends you are.” swiftly grabbing the book back.

“someone has to be since you’ve refused to talk to james.”

“because he’s gone crazy, i don’t talk to crazy people— already had enough of that from my mother.”

remus now reaching for the book and reading the table of contents, “how do you even know if this book is accurate?”

sirius rolls his eyes, “it’s the only book left about ghosts,”

remus raised an eyebrow at that, “the only book left? or you just don’t know where to look?”

peter snickered. “considering this is the longest time he’s been in the library for the last six years, i’m guessing he doesn’t even have a library card.”

sirius let out a quiet gasp, petulant as he defends, “this is not the longest time, i know where the sections are.”

“right. well good luck on whatever it is you’re planning. if i wasn’t clear enough— i want no part of this whatsoever, assuming it all blows up in your face.” remus raising a scarred hand in the air and sauntering away.

sirius clicks his tongue, annoyed, “peter, hand me some parchment. i need to make notes about cleansing haunted areas.”

sirius already has a solid plan. he had thought of everything! he’s already practiced the ceremony in the dorms, with peter acting like the ghost. he even practiced drawing the runes and the enunciation of the incantations. he just needs to know where you usually reside in the castle, so he can draw the runes.

the only problem is, he doesn’t know where you are and what better way to know than from romeo, himself.

“james,” sirius calls out.

“here we go.” he hears peter wince, but resolutely ignoring him.

taking a deep breath, “i want to apologize for the way i acted, you deserve to be happy. and if they make you as happy as you say they do, then okay. as your best mate, i’m going to be more supportive of you.”

james, like a big softie that he is, immediately beamed a smile, grabbing sirius by the shoulders and crushing him into a hug.

“i knew you’d come around!” he gushed in his ear. sounding so utterly elated that he almost feels guilty for lying. but he has to do this. for james. “sirius you’re my brother! of course, i forgive you! i don’t think i can even go on for longer not speaking to you. bugged me like mad.”

remus all but looked at sirius in complete suspicion, which he ignores in favour of looking as earnest as he possibly could. peter looking down right nervous as his gaze filters through all three of them.

“to prove my support. i want to meet y/n and be their friend. get to know them a little bit better.”

and if it was even possible, james shone even brighter, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling in excitement. he hadn’t seen that look on his face for quite some time now. looking equivocally happy.

“let’s go right now!”

“now?!”

“yeah, they should be on the third floor.” james grinned. walking a brisk pace and everyone jogging to keep up.

“what are you doing?” remus whispered as he power walked beside him.

sirius feigned innocence, “i’m supporting my best mate.”

remus frowned, not buying it, “and this is after you exorcise them or? or do you plan on damning their soul now?”

sirius clicked his tongue, “you told me to support james and when i do, you doubt me. it’s like you don’t love me.”

“you better be supporting james or i swear to god—“

“so james!” looking ahead, resolutely ignoring the stare burning to the side of his face. “anything i should know before meeting this special apparition of yours?”sirius says, lips stretching into an easy smile.

james slowed his pace, perfectly chirpy to divulge any information about his lover. glowing pink on his cheeks as he starts, “well, they’ve been a ghost in hogwarts since 1902, they were sorted in—“

“do you know how they died?” sirius cut off. resulting in a rude elbow jab from remus and a small frown from peter.

“what?” he said indignantly. isn’t that a vital question to ask? asking how a ghost died?

“they said there was an incident, an ogre got into the castle and, um, killed them,”

yikes.

the book said ghosts may not know how they died. associating their willingness to pass because they haven’t had the closure to move on. though if you knew how you died, it seems counter-productive to tell you about your death in order for you to pass on. so that’s crossed out.

“so are they secretly disembowelled or something? like almost-headless nick?”

james looked back and pursed his lips, gaze turning a little bit sharper, “no, they look perfectly okay. beautiful even.”

oh sure, he thought.

“they do,” remus piped up giving him a stern look. as if he heard him, “very pretty.”

sirius rolls his eyes, “oh of course, puts veela’s to shame, i’m sure.” waving his hand, opting for nonchalance as he continues, “so, what do you usually talk about with them then? surely common interests with an old ghost is hard to find.”

“they’re actually quite young compared to the other ghosts. that’s why they mostly keep to themselves on this floor.”

sirius grimace, fighting a shiver down his spine. “yes being over sixty. very young.”

james glared at him, and he raised his arms in surrender, “just joking.”

“—we talk about a lot of things, quidditch is one.”

“quidditch.” he repeated. do ghosts even follow the leagues?

remus placing an arm around james, “they used to play quidditch, a chaser.”

“quite good too, found their name on past rosters in the library.” peter grinned.

james beamed, encouraged by the others to prattle on. louder and faster like he can’t help but talk about you. like he was just waiting for a reason to. “and they liked potions, helps me study sometimes—“

“study.” he repeated. “with your ghost lover.”

“—oh, we’re here! my love?” james calling out into the alcoves and the barren hall. “i bought my friends, are you here?”

and then like a chill going up his spine, you showed up. floating a hair just above the ground, making it look like as if you’re walking.

you were a pale translucent thing. he had hardly looked at you the first time he’s seen you. confidently thinking he didn’t have to until james inevitably moves on from you. frankly, he didn’t know what to expect once he saw you, again. maybe look a bit alive, since his very much alive friend is very much in love with you.

you looked pretty, sure. but it was nothing to write home about. certainly not the kind that he would be willing to overlook the state of your mortality. but yeah, sure, pretty.

he almost wants to rolls his eyes.

“james, i was going to look for you.” you breathed. looking equally enamoured.

“what for my love?” he asks.

then you noticed the other approaching individuals, “oh hello, remus, peter, and—?“

“this is sirius, remember? i told you about him, didn’t i?” james but all grinned, going up to you and raising his hand as if to touch you. if he even can.

you looked like thin sheets blowing in the wind. if thin sheets can talk and haunt.

“that you did.” you laughed, and then your hand started to look fuckin’ solid. like a solid, human hand grabbing james’ and even squeezing back.

“nice to see you again, y/n, how have you been?” peter smiled.

you shrugged, smiling a little strained. “still very much dead, and here. thanks.”

sirius looked at your joined hands. tight and secure.

remus nudges him out of stupor and he flashes a strained smile.

so you can materialize. at least that answers some questions. though it opens a new array of questions for him now. questions he has no problem vocalizing.

“you can materialize?”

you turn to him, looking beyond nonchalant and relaxed with the whole situation. you obviously also hold no objections to the peculiar relationship. looking all too willing to be james’ dead lover.

“if i try hard enough, yes.”

“how long can you materialize?”

“if it’s just my hands, i can probably hold for a good hour or so.”

the book didn’t mention this.

sirius looks at you, up and down, apprehensive and suspicious. “can every ghost do this then?”

“i think so, though i haven’t seen them attempt it. i’m guessing they never really had any reason to.” you turn to james and grin at him. like some secret was just shared.

james looked at you twice as bright and giddy. hopelessly, happy and pink.

sirius thinks he’s going to hurl.

“so, do you just go materializing your hand, touching school boys every decade or so?”

“pardon?”

“sirius!” remus hissed.

sirius smiles the fakest smile he has, “just a joke.”

you raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t comment. he can feel the heat of james glare and hear the insistent shuffling of peter to his side.

“why did you decide to date james? are you planning on possessing him for his living body?”

“sirius black!” remus grits out, pinching his side.

james stepped forward to shield you, a frown deep in his face, but you just tug at his arm, and he softens.

you laugh, “no, i don’t plan on possessing my boyfriend. as for why i’m dating him,” you turn to look at james again, sharing a secret smile again, “well, i quite like him.”

sirius clicks his tongue.

the night continued on. he asked questions, and you answered them.

he would be, admittedly, very difficult. maybe even down-right rude but you seem to assimilate to his attitude soon enough.

every jab and attack he would aim at you. you would receive with grace and an amused ghost smile.

eventually james wanted some alone time and sirius was just glad for a reason to finally leave.

“you know you could have been a bit nicer or at least decent to y/n.” remus hissed once james and casper went away.

“oh trust me, that was me being nice.” he scoffs.

“asking insensitive questions is not nice, last i checked.” peter said.

shaking his head, “i could have said it was fucking creepy that james is fucking dating a ghost. or maybe tell james he needs to make an appointment with a mind healer soon —that his impulsivity with the concept of “falling in love” is all twisted and, let’s face it, short-lived— pun-intended. i could write to fleamont that his son is fracking with a soul trapped in hogwarts! but i didn’t. trust me that was being nice.” he all but shouted, panting as his face blotched red.

“finally dropping your supporting your best mate agenda then, are you?”

sirius turns to remus, huffing and beyond betrayed, “have you not been listening?!”

remus clicks his tongue, “i understand, but it’s just as you said. all of this is short-lived that will eventually die out. so why bother stressing about it? y/n is a pretty cool spirit if you get to know them.”

“it’s a spirit from the 1900, what else is there to know?”

“you are a real piece of work.” remus giving him a hard glare, pulling at his fringe hard.

peter all quiet and mousy said, “i don’t even know why you’re so worked up about all this.”

sirius groans, “the reason why i’m so worked up about all this is, because it is james, we all know how he is. this is going to be another repeat of him falling for somebody, getting his hopes up and fall face down on the ground. and i’ve seen him fall way too many times to let it happen again. it’s a fucking ghost. there is no future with them. james doesn’t see reason, so it’s up to us to help him.”

remus blinked, and then sagged.

“i get it, okay? i get where you’re coming from. but i think out of everyone here, james is the one that understands this the most. just trust him on this. he’s not daft, he knows what he’s doing.”

“but what if he gets hurt again?”

“then we’ll be there for him.”

you can still somewhat hear them argue in the empty halls. you were sure james can too, if his frown was anything to go by.

“sirius is… lovely.” you hummed.

james groans, pulling you to to sit with him on one of the benches. “i’m so sorry about that, he’s just—“

you raise hand to stop his blabber, “i completely understand, he’s protective of you. i feel the same way.” you whispered.

james looks at you abashed and pink, before he looks away. still, rubbing his thumb to your knuckles even as it slowly becomes faint and pale, once again.

“he’ll warm up to you soon,” he nodded.

you smiled, “should i be worried if he doesn’t?”

he turns to you again, looking at you completely besotted, “you shouldn’t, he’ll like you.”

“you sound sure.”

“because i know him, and i know you. you are, after all, the most charming ghost in the castle.” he grins.

“what a title,” you softly sighed.

“just give him time,”

suddenly you’ve been reminded why you wanted to meet with him. you felt the phantom rhythm of your dead heart thrum through your veins. nervous after so many decades, funny.

“i’ve been reading, lately.”

“oh? about what?” he grins at you, cheeks a healthy glow of life and eyes bright like the light in the morning.

you almost falter, but thank merlin you don’t.

you were sure you wouldn’t be able to tell him if you postponed any more.

“about… leaving.”

“leaving?” he straightened. “what do you mean?”

you flowed to the other side of the room, higher than you would usually go, whenever you were with him. wanting to keep the illusion of normalcy of walking with him. like you were still alive. like a normal student with their boyfriend.

“i’ve been researching about this for a while, even before you came here—hogwarts, i mean, and i think i’ve found some sort of break through. this is what i wanted to talk to you about before— before meeting sirius and all that.”

“what like leaving the castle grounds? or—“ he gulps, looking absolutely terrified. “or leaving?”

you know he was smart enough to answer his own questions. but you also considered he would be in denial, unabashedly hopeful, so you clarified. “about passing on. leaving, for good. i’ve already talked to some other spirits in the castle, who wants to go too and some have already agreed.”

“but don’t you—“ james licked his lips, shifting one foot to the other, “don’t you want to stay with me?”

your chest is hollow, nay, non-existent. but the way he looks at you, his voice, and his warm hand reaching out to you, made you think your chest might be aching with pain.

for all your years in purgatory, haunting and never moving on. all these years of weaving through the halls, seeing different faces every year, it all seemed so short.

and the stretch of your time comprising of moments of when james potter was seeking you out. talking to you. making a companion out of you. and being with you. making you feel alive again.

he was young, bright, and callous, and rough. but he is also sweet, soft, and kind.

you knew from the start, this would never last.

you knew, like everyone else, that he’ll eventually leave too.

there was no life with you. that ended decades ago.

but he still has time.

“james,” you softly called out, floating over to him. thinking long and hard to be corporeal. even if it’s just your hands, so you could touch him.

“don’t.“ he looks down, biting down on his lips, refusing to look at you now. but he did nothing to move away from your hold, he never did, instead lifting his own to touch yours, soft yet firm. “don’t tell me some bull about living my life.”

you sigh, lifting his head to see his ever beautiful eyes, “but you have to.”

he softly shook his head in your hands, his grip tightening afraid to let go. “and i want to spend every moment i can with you,”

“and then what?” you ask.

he stops, his gaze moving all around your face, as if memorizing it to the fullest extent.

“i’m to stay now, and then you leave, and then i stay here? forever?”

he shook his head, pouting like kid, and you always endeared.

“i could get a job here and live here all year long, you can stay in my quarters where we can talk and be toge—“

you laugh letting him go, your hands turning translucent like before, like always. “there is no life with me, james. we’ve talked about this.” you look at him. you see his lip harshly bit down, gnawing, as he pulled to release the blood.

“you know this.“

james turns away from you. scratching his neck, his eyebrows furrowed. like the first time you saw him in the halls. after another failed attempt at wooing birds.

“i know.” he conceded. “i’ve been reading too. i’ve checked out books on how you can pass on. i think i’ve checked out every damn book about ghosts in the library.” he laughs bitterly.

you didn’t know this. he didn’t tell you. somehow that made the pain in your chest clench more. you always thought he would be against you leaving. something on your face must’ve shown this because he clarifies, before looking down again.

“i thought that if— i was the one to find the solution, find the way for you to move on, it wouldn’t feel— it wouldn’t hurt. i thought if it was on my own terms, i would be able to accept it easily. but i’m wrong, of course. it wouldn’t be that simple. especially not with you. with us.”

“you were looking for a way for me to pass on?” you ask gently, stopping low to catch his gaze.

he looked as earnest like the day you met him, nodding as he said, “because i know how miserable you felt. i know you—you don’t have enough reason to stay here any longer than you have. i know us, being together, isn’t reason enough for you to be stuck here for all eternity. i know this, but i was still hoping—”

“oh james,” you sighed.

“some irrational part of my brain wants you stay. i even thought of being with you here too. be with you after—“

“james potter.” you sharply cut in, gaze hardening in anger. but his gaze of despair made you soft and sigh again.

“i will not let you.”

you think of all the ghost trapped in the castle. you see them through the years, losing all sense of themselves more and more. becoming irate and miserable. seeing the same grounds, the same routines, the same days, mashing together in an endless cycle. never moving forward.

and then you see his eyes so full of love, and life, and bravery, and sweetness and roughness. even just thinking he might succumb to the cycle—

“i will not let you.” you repeated.

james reached out again, “i love you,”

you smiled at him, the faux fuzziness spreading down to your phantom toes. “you’ll find someone else to love james. someone who can spend more years of life with you, with so much love to give, i have no doubt about it.”

you think back to the boy crying with a broken rose in the halls, another heartache. the bright eyed look you see him give the person he’s chosen to love that day. another love. always so earnest, always with so much love that he has to give it to someone else.

you brush over his soft cheeks, committed to feeling him for the last time.

“do you—“ he breathed, leaning into your touch and bashfully looking down, “do you think i could see you on the other side?”

you gave a loop-sided smile, seriously how utterly charming, you thought. “i would like to think so. i can even greet you myself once you arrive if you’d like.”

he looks up at you, giving you a pretty smile, “yeah, okay.”

you didn’t leave immediately. you waited for another week.

james drew the runes for you, with sirius eagerly helping. you spent your last days, exploring the hidden parts of the castle with james, showing him all the secret passages you’ve come across. you spent your last day with james talking. taking in a full-body corporeal form and hugging him for the first time. and kissing him.

you left quietly, in the night when he was asleep.

he looked for you in the halls, the next morning, hoping you’d change your mind.

when you didn’t show after an hour, he left—blinking the embarrassing tears collecting in his eyes.

eventually though, james will move on. he doesn’t quite understand true love all that well yet. he’ll still mistake other feelings for love. maybe fall quickly. maybe love more than one person at the same time. eventually, he’ll fall in love, for real this time, find someone else to give his seemingly endless amount of love to and it’ll be returned ten-fold.

or at least it’s what sirius says to remus and peter. after remus reprimanded him for being too happy that you were gone.

extra:

later, when james opens the door on that halloween night. the living room glowing bright with green and the echoes of his son’s cries and his wife’s fast stomps upstairs. he would close his eyes in a swift end. thinking how peaceful it is, how quick— his face graced with a ghost of a smile, he would think of you, and hope you’re waiting on the other side.

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spicywhenspeaking · 4 months

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If I'm There: Chapter Eighteen

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

warnings: alcohol use

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

edited by me ....soooo if you see something spelt wrong no you didn't.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @thebadchic @jessitpwk @samanthasgone @laurpartyprogram @myownthoughts12

Ryan, our receptionist has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. He’s thinking that he’s just setting me up with a band I don’t like. Ugh. It’s not his fault, nobody here knows Noah is Erin’s dad. Only Haylie and my family know. Although I never confirmed with my dad who Erin’s father is I know he knows.

As I frantically attempt to clear my workstation of anything Erin-related I look down and notice that because of the rip in my jeans, you can perfectly see the “Erin” script tattoo I have over my left knee.

“Fuck” I quietly exclaim to myself, no way of hiding that. My phone is cradled in my shoulder as I continue to lose my mind with Haylie. “I’m freaking out! Oh my god, ten years and everything I’ve worked so hard to overcome just walked through my fucking door.” I’m breathing in and out heavily as I look back up over the partition to see Noah watching me with peaked interest as he offers a small awkward wave while the rest of his band mates finished their paperwork. I quickly duck back down and continue to freak out with Haylie on the phone.

“Okay, hold on! He’s there? How did he know you were there?” Haylie Questions. “I have no fucking idea. Oh my god! Erin…she’s at fucking Six Flags having a great time and I just agreed to tattoo her fucking father! That doesn’t know about her, that she’s never met. That I’ve never told her about, god, I’m the worst mother-'' Haylie cuts me off “You need to breathe. It’s going to be okay, just try to remember everything Dr. Grady taught you'' she reassures me.

“Okay,” I breathe out. “Okay, I’ll be fine. It’ll just be like seeing an old friend. That took my virginity. And got me pregnant and left me all alone”

There’s a long pause “..….you could always sneak out the back door?” We both laugh at the absurdity of the situation. I have to laugh because otherwise, I would have a full-on breakdown. “I’ll be okay. I can do this. I can totally do this” I tell Haylie and also myself. Can I fucking do this?! We say our goodbyes and I return to my breathing technique as I try to calm my racing heart.

A few minutes later I hear their footsteps approaching my workstation followed by his voice, that’s only gotten better with time. “I can’t believe you’re here” he almost whispers. “What are you doing here?” Noah asks me quietly.

“I work here” I state calmly. “I moved here after graduating early and started an apprenticeship with a friend of a friend, worked my way up,” I say, trying not to break my words as I look up at him, and oh my god how did he get even better looking? I’m totally fucked. I attempted to shake myself out of whatever daze being around Noah has brought me into so I can get through this.

“I could say the same to you? Of all the tattoo shops in Texas, you just happen to walk through my doors” I half joke. “Must be fate” It’s Nicholas Ruffilo that pipes up this time, coming around to hug me. “Long time no see Nat,” he says, eyeing me up and down. “You’re looking good,” he mentions with a soft smile. I’m not at all the girl I used to be, my hair is darker and I have multiple visible tattoos. My neck tattoo is visible and you can see the evidence of a stomach tattoo poking out the bottom of my tank, if I turned around they could see my dueling dragon back tattoo peaking past my shoulders and through the holes in my jeans, you can see a view of my full leg sleeve. “Really digging the tatted look,” Nicholas remarks with a friendly tone. He’s always been a good guy. I wish I had stayed in contact with him more all these years. But I couldn’t even keep in contact with Noah, despite trying, so that was wishful thinking.

“Yeah, you too buddy,” I tell him, returning his hug.

Turning to face Noah I give him a once over “You cut your hair.” When he left it was down past his chest but the short hair looks really good on him and I’m forgetting everything I’m supposed to be mad at him about.

“Oh yeah,” he reaches back and scratches the nape of his neck “it was just getting to be a lot to deal with.”

I huff out a laugh and think about my life with Erin and how hard it’s been raising her as a single mother and remember the anger I’ve felt all these years. “yeah, i know how much you hate when things get complicated” I say and he slightly bristles. I ignore it and turn to the two unfamiliar faces.

“Hi! I’m Natalie, I went to school with these two so it’s an impromptu reunion.” I stick out my hand to shake hands with Nick Folio and Jolly, the final members of Noah’s band, Bad Omens. “Two Nicks? Doesn't that get confusing?” I ask. “Yeah, people call me Folio, but you can call me anything you’d like,” Folio says with a smile and wink. Noah tenses at his friend's joke and eyes him with a glare. Choosing to ignore whatever that was, I turn back towards the group and ask, “So what are we doing today? I overheard a little, just some line work?”

“Uh yeah,” Nick replies “I unfortunately lost my tattoo bag with my gun and needles, or else I would have done it myself.” He’s still the same Nicholas I knew so I can tell when he’s bullshitting. “Okay…and if you told me the truth? What would that be?” I give him a serious look, the same one Erin calls my “Mom means business face.”

“Okay so I may have been looking online for tattoo shops in the area just for fun and maybe I came across an article about a certain women’s owned tattoo shop and thought I recognized one of the girls in the group picture.” He fesses up finally. “You knew she would be here?” Noah asks his friend, shock written on his face. “Why didn’t you say anything” he asks at the same time I question, “So you knew I was here? So much for fate huh?” I joke and push his shoulder back. “You didn’t think to call first? At least warn me?” I ask him. Noah pipes up “Well he didn’t tell me either if that helps.”

It doesn’t.

“What? So you could be conveniently out of the office? Yeah right Natty, I’m not stupid. Or so you” he gestures at Noah “could find any way out of seeing her, no way” Nicholas’ cheshire cat smile tells me all I need to know. He wanted this to happen, for us all to see each other again. Thinking maybe it was just old friends catching up or love birds reuniting. Unfortunately, all he really did was throw my life completely upside down by unknowingly walking the father of my child straight back into my life.

“Well, we will have some time to catch up while I work,” I say, “let me just pull up some more chairs so y’all can sit.” I walk and grab two folding chairs to add to my workspace.

I notice Noah looking at all the photos on my walls. Some of me, Kyle and Maggie all grown up, me with other musicians lying on my tattoo table getting something done. “Is that fucking Oli Sykes!??” Noah asks, pointing at a picture pinned on the wall. I laugh and nod “Um yeah, that’s a crazy story. My roommate Haylie ran into him after a show and they made a bet during a darts game and next thing I know I’m getting a call at 3 am about giving Oli a tattoo.” I laugh because it was actually pretty crazy, Haylie has stayed out later than me but I was lucky that Gwen had already agreed to babysit that night since it was our monthly girls’ night out so I knew Erin was safe. Having the lead singer of the Bring Me The Horizon on my tattoo table. That was crazy. “That’s amazing Natty, we’re touring with them next year.” Noah smiles when he says it, I know it is a huge accomplishment to be touring with a band he’s always loved. “Wow, that’s great Noah. I’m happy for y’all.” It’s not a complete lie, I have always been proud of Noah but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

Several minutes later I have my station ready and I’m prepping Jolly who’s volunteered to go first. They want the symbols for death, peace, and mind to commemorate their most recent album.

Jolly sits in the chair in front of me and is very nice, he offers a little small talk as I align the stencil and prepare the ink and tattoo gun. “So you’re the girl?” Jolly says and I see Noah lean his head back and mutter a nearly silent “Fucking Christ.” I start up the tattoo and huff an awkward laugh. “I’m not sure how to take that. Noah and I are exes if that’s what you mean?” I try to break the tension by addressing at least one elephant in the room. “Sorry, I don’t mean to make things awkward, I just mean I have heard a lot about you, though they failed to mention how incredibly beautiful you are,” Jolly says and I can tell he’s just playing and trying to get under Noah’s skin.

“You’re full of it Karlsson, I did too mention she was beautiful” Noah blurts out, surprising us both. “I mean..like objectively I mentioned it, years ago. Let’s just drop it okay?” He fumbles out and we all try to stop the laughter from bubbling out.

I finish up Jolly and Nicholas’s tattoos easily and next is Folio who is funny but a very playful flirt, he also asks a lot of questions.

“So how long have you been here?”

“Austin? Or this studio?”

“Both”

“Austin about ten years and this shop about the same, it kind of all came together at the same time”

“Why did you move?”

“Lots of reasons. I wanted a fresh start”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No girlfriend either”

“Kids?”

If the tattoo gun had been on his skin it would have flown across it leaving a massive black mark along his arm. Everything stops and my mouth completely dries. I finish the last bit of the mind symbol and place the gun down and slap his shoulder, “alright that was fun but I have to switch to the next contestant now, maybe we can finish 20 questions later” I smile and give him a wink and then Noah is taking his seat in front of me. “Let me just clean up and get ready” I stand to re-sanitize everything before tattooing him next. He looks up at me through his lashes, “okay, I’ll be right here” he says and there’s a fire burning low in my gut.

You can do this Natalie. You got this. No more running. No more hiding.

After sanitizing everything I’m ready to begin, “so I’m pretty much covered all over my arms and hands, but I was thinking somewhere on my ribs? I have some space there.” He says while lifting his shirt to show me and damn. He has definitely been working out but, I push all those thoughts away and just nod like an idiot. “I’m yeah, ribs are a good placement, well just need to move to the bench,” I say and point behind us where Jolly and Nicholas are sitting. They hop down and I move to quickly wipe it down with disinfectant and then Noah is lifting his shirt up and lying down on the table and then I realize I’m going to have to touch him.

I pick up the stencil and as I’m about to place it Ryan comes rounding the corner with the shop phone, “Sorry Nat, but it’s Erin. She said she tried to call your cell but you didn’t answer” he tells me. Shit. I take the phone and move to stand just on the outside of my workspace. “Hey Sweets, what’s going on? Is everything okay?” I try to keep my voice casual, “Ashley asked me if I wanted to go with her to the zoo tomorrow and have a double sleepover. Can I please??” Erin practically begs and I put my hand on the receiver as I look back at the guys. “Sorry, this will just take a second,” I say and walk towards the back of the shop. “Can you put Ashley’s mom on?” I ask Erin. I talk to her mom to make sure it’s genuinely okay before telling Erin it’s okay. Ashley’s mom is happy to take Erin with her, “oh we love it when Erin joins us, she is such a sweet and respectful girl.” I can’t help but beam at the praise for my daughter, “Thank you, I’m just so glad she and Ashley get along so well, and I will send you some extra money on Venmo so they can get some fun trinkets.” I end the call with Erin thanking me ecstatically and rejoin the group.

“Sorry about that,” I say and sit back down to finish applying the tattoo stencil. As I sit the Erin tattoo is fully visible on my knee and I see Noah clock it. But he doesn’t say anything.

In a few minutes were ready to start the process and I have to lean into his personal space, smelling his clean, woody scent, and try not to fall under his spell. “We’re playing a show tomorrow, you didn’t happen to get tickets did you?” Noah asks as I start to tattoo his skin. “Oh, um no I didn’t. I hadn’t planned on going.” I mumble out. “Oh, well if you wanted to we could get you a ticket. Or two if you want to bring someone?” Noah says and his eyes are boring into mine. “Um, yeah maybe. My d-. I mean, I’ll be free so maybe.” I squeak out and force my mouth shut so I don’t say anything else on accident. I know that I need to tell him about Erin but in private.

The tattoos are finished and Folio is asking me more questions, “so what are you doing tonight? We need something fun to do.” he asks and I chuckle. “I’m going to a masquerade rave with some girlfriends, It’s a pretty good time if you’re interested.” I say and Folio’s eyes light up with interest, “Oh hell yes! We are 100% in! And we can be incognito.” Nicholas and I exchange numbers and Noah looks like he wants to ask for it as well but doesn’t. Nicholas sends me two backstage passes for the concert tomorrow night. I guess I’ll go with Haylie.

After cleaning my station again I finally make it home with plenty of time to get ready for the masquerade. I texted Nicholas all of the information and he sent me a thumbs up and told me they were all excited. Haylie was freaking out more than I was about the whole situation. “Okay, well you need to boost the sexiness of your outfit up by about 10000%.” Laughing we have fun getting ready for the party and I try to figure out how to tell Noah about Erin. I’m finishing my makeup and were having a few drinks. I don’t drink often so on girls night it doesn’t take many to get me tipsy. “Okay I obviously can’t do it tonight” I say as I button the front of my corset top, pushing my boobs up higher. “I think presenting him with your huge rack will really ease the blow of finding out he has a kid.” Haylie always has a way of saying the most shocking things and making them hilarious. “Funny.” I deadpan and down the rest of my vodka soda.

A couple hours later we are walking into the immaculately decorated warehouse with our lace masks on. Mine is black to complament my red strappy corset dress and Haylies’ is purple to match her colorful outfit. Haylie’s sister Rachel and my boss, Anna are with us as well and we walk towards the bar to grab some drinks before heading onto the dance floor.

After a quick round of shots and another vodka soda we file onto the dance floor together and start moving to the music. It’s upbeat and energetic so we’re having fun jumping around and dancing together. I love girls night, it’s a night that I can let loose and have fun knowing Erin is somewhere safe. She called before we left to say goodnight. I love that girl.

At first I think I’m dancing on Haylie but then she appears in front of me and I look behind and notice it’s a guy. I shoot in closer to my girls to try and make space but he gets closer so I wave him off, “I’m good dude, no thanks” I try to yell over the music. “Come on baby!! You look so hot! Dance with me!” I roll my eyes and Haylie lightly pushes the guy back “go on dude, she’s not interested.” He huffs an arrogant laugh but there’s another taller figure behind him, “yeah dude she’s not interested.” I instantly recognized the voice as Noah’s. The guy turns around and notices Noah’s towering height and holds up his hands in defeat “all right man, she’s all yours,” he says and I can’t help but laugh. The rest of his friends appear and we all attempt to exchange hellos but on the crowded dance floor it’s difficult. We end up all just dancing and at one point I think Haylie is behind me and Folio is in front of me and I’m having and amazing time. Noah is swaying to the music next to Nicholas and my other friends. Our eyes keep meeting and it’s like he’s has his own gravitational pull because we all suddenly end up in a massive cluster. I’m loose and warm from the drinks so I’m dancing and having a good time, not noticing I’ve now plastered myself against the front of Noah’s body. He doesn’t seem to mind and with the music blasting I can’t seem to care. Eventually we all make our way back to the bar, the guys head towards an area designated for seating to find us all a place to chill.

Me and the girls are grabbing more drinks and chatting loudly to hear each other over the music, “so Natty, where’s the little one tonight? Will we be seeing her at shop more now that school is out for the summer?” Anna asks with a big smile, shes like a grandma to Erin having been apart of our lives since she was born. “She went to Six Flags with a friend, so I’m a free mommy for two nights!” I cheer and raise my glass into the air to toast our night.

I take a step back and bump into someone, “oh sorry!” I call out as my drink spill over onto my arm slightly.

I turn around and apologize to who I ran into and it’s funny how little masks actually hide someone's identity. “Oh Nicholas, sorry! You snuck up on me” I laugh and grab some napkins to wipe the drink that spilled on my arm. The pregame drinks plus the drinks I’ve had here to loosen up have definitely done their job. “Hey Nat,” he says over the noise. “Um I’m sorry, did I hear you say you’re a free mommy tonight? You have a kid?” he asks and I feel my vision black out. “Um. Yeah.” I mumble out. “What? Sorry, it’s loud.”

“Yes!” I yell out louder and he nods slowly. “Wow! How old are they?” he asks innocently and I dont know what to do. I don’t want to lie but I don’t think it’s right to tell Nicholas first. “Um my daughter is almost 10.” I say and slurp down the rest of my drink and put it down on the bar. He nods again and then his eyes shoot up at me and I feel like I might throw up.

“10? Wow, thats, thats..shes 10? So you met someone when you moved?” Its starting to feel like an interrogation and I think about just running away, quickly realizing how stupid that would be. “No, no. I didnt meet anyone when I moved.” I offer up honestly. “So it’s someones from home?” I feel like he’s just chipping around the truth until I spill what he’s after.

I pull out my phone and show him my lockscreen which is a picture of Erin on halloween dressed up like a fairy to celebrate Haylie’s book launch. Nicholas takes my phone and I see his eyes go wide behind his mask. Hes just staring at it for minuets before I reach to take my phone back and put it back in my pocket.

“Don’t say anything yet, I will tell him. I promise, I will tell him.” I start to sound frantic and I feel myself growing into a flob sweat. “How could you keep something like this from him for ten years Nat?” He asks and I can hear his voiced lined with a dark edge.

“Excuse me? You don’t think I tried?” I ask shocked by his tone. His face is scrunched in confusion, “how hard could you have possibly tried? I mean you had his kid Natalie? And you didn’t tell him?” Nicholas voice seethes out in an inflection full of judgment. I’m drunk enough not to care who hears me when I say, “I told you I’d tell him and it’s really none of your business, so drop it.” There’s acid in my voice. “He has the right to know, you owe it to him to at least tell him the truth” Nicholas argues back.

“Did you forget that you both just left? You left too, Nicky. You both just picked up and left me. You don’t know a THING about what I went through! You have no idea how hard I tried to tell him, to get to him. When at every corner he was running further from me. You have no IDEA! Don’t talk to me about what’s owed Nicholas. You don’t want to go down this road with me.”

Our voices are starting to carry over and I see Noah look over from where him and the other two guys are sitting. He seems to notice our raised volume so he gets up to walk over and in a hushed voice I say “you’ll say nothing about this to him, I’ll tell him. Just leave it alone” It comes out as a warning and I walk away and pass Noah.

He stops me lightly by the shoulder to ask “Is everything okay? Were you and Nick just yelling?” I shake my head and slap on a fake smile “Everything’s fine, I’m just gonna go freshen up” I shrug off his touch and head towards the bathroom, grabbing Haylies hand and dragging her along with me.

What the fuck am I going to do? The timeline of needing to tell Noah has multiplied exponentially. I can’t make Nicholas keep the secret forever, not that he would. I’ll go to the show with Haylie tomorrow and tell him them.

divider from here

oh lord!!! It’s getting MESSY!!!

next chapter -> here

#noah sebastian #noahsebastian #Noah Sebastian smut #noah sebastian x ofc #Noah Sebastian angst #Noah Sebastian fluff #bad omens fluff #bad omen smut #bad omen fanfiction #bad omen fic #noah sebastian fanfiction #bad omens fanfic #bad omens rpf #bad omens smut #noah sebastian fic #lf Im there noah #rpf fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

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samieree · 1 year

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Heimdall one-shot

I can't, he's just so... 😭 I can't believe I have fallen for pixels- Ugh, just enjoy! <3

Heimdall x pregnant reader

You're a goddess from Vanaheim who had to marry Heimdall. At first you didn't even accept each other and the only night you spent in the same bed was your wedding night. However, as the marriage continued, you began to get to know each other, and it seemed like something akin to love was developing between you. The best proof of this was his child, which you carried under your heart.

“Would you mind your own business?” you said angrily, finding Heimdall in the mead hall. He was there alone, reading a book, looking at you for only a brief moment.

You let go of the leather bag you've been carrying for what must have been half of Asgard, hoping it would fall on his foot, but of course he moved his leg in time.

“Nobody asked you to carry it. I would do it myself.” he replied as if nothing had happened, turning a page in his book.

“The blacksmith told me you were supposed to pick it up a week ago.” you said, pointing to the bag on the ground. “You ordered a lot of useless stuff, but that's not even the point. They've been with him for three weeks now! Are you even listening to me?!” you wanted to snatch the book from his hands so that he would finally pay attention to you, but he resignedly left it, finally making eye contact.

“Of course I listen to you, my dearest and prettiest wife in the nine realms.” I’m your only wife.

You sighed heavily as you sat down on the bench next to him. You didn't have the strength to do it anymore, especially since you already had a big pregnant belly. But you'll have to stand it for one last month.

“You're not so busy that you can't take an hour and pick up what you ordered yourself!”

“And in your condition you shouldn’t carry anything heavy. The blacksmith would wait another week for me to pick up my stuff if I had a whim.” he shrugged and wanted to go back to reading, but you placed your hand on his book, lowering it back to his thighs.

“What's happening?” you asked in a much softer tone, stroking his shoulder gently with your free hand. “I feel like the closer I am to giving birth, the more you distance yourself from me.”

“You're delusional.” he replied after a long silence.

You didn't believe him, you knew something was wrong. Something that makes him behave differently.

He looked down from your face and moved to your belly, then placed his hand on it as well and stroked it gently. You liked it very much when he did it, he was so gentle, as if any stronger touch could hurt you and the baby. Over time, you've learned that this is his love language. Small gestures, being gentle with you. Doing things for you or helping you with them, and just showing more affection in private.

“I can see you're acting differently. This may come as a shock to you, but I'm not dumb.”

“It’s kicking” he seemed to ignore your words completely. He decided to pretend that he hadn't heard anything, but shifted his full attention to your yet unborn child.

Plus, pff… He said it like I didn't feel the baby kicking at all.

“Heimdall…”

“I have work to do.” he cut you off quickly, leaning in to kiss your belly. “Maybe we'll talk later.” he got up and left the room, you didn't even try to stop him.

But then you realised that you could have done it, because the blacksmith's bag was still on the ground. And it looked like you were going to have to move it to your room, as if you didn't carry it enough already...

* * *

Even lying in bed in the evening, you were still wondering what your husband was so worried about. You were definitely not delusional, you could see from his behaviour that something was wrong. But… Ugh, you had no idea what it was. As you can see, even though you're about to have a baby, you couldn't count on his complete honesty.

It was late, and you kept waiting for him to come back so you could pick up the same conversation which you started in the morning. But he wasn't coming back. Was he offended? Decided he'd rather sleep on the stones on the wall than next to you?

You were sure that this stage was long behind you...

But suddenly the door opened and he stepped inside. He paused at the entrance, clearly surprised that you were still awake, waiting for him.

“Aren't you asleep yet?”

“I couldn’t fall asleep.” you replied even though you knew well that he would know you lied. He stared at you for a moment, then turned back to leave. “You're not even going to pretend you've come to get something? You know you can't avoid me for the rest of your life?”

You sat up, looking at him sadly. Is that what he was going to do now, avoid you? And all because you're worried about him? You knew he wasn't used to being cared for, but after all, ever since your marriage started to work out, you've always tried to take care of him...

“I'm not avoiding you, I'm just… It's late. I wanted to see if you were asleep before I went back to work.” you burst out laughing at that statement. “Are you having mood swings again?”

“No, you made me laugh. Your lies are pathetic.” you said, getting out of bed and adjusting your nightgown a bit so that it fits better on your belly. “What’s wrong? You don’t want this baby? You don’t want me? Are you afraid of parenthood?” he said nothing in answer.

So you decided to change your attitude. You approached him, grabbing his hand. You didn’t want bad for both of you, he could trust you.

“I just want to help you, and I can't do that if you don't tell me what's going on.” you explained in a gentle tone, hoping Heimdall would finally open up to you.

“What if I'm like him…?” he asked softly, looking down at your joined hands.

He didn't need to say a name, you knew exactly who he meant. He was afraid that he would be to his child the same as Odin was to him...

“I know you don’t.” You replied, placing your hand on his cheek to make him look at you. “Besides, I'll always be around. We'll be supporting each other.”

“What if the child has skills my father will want to use?” you sighed softly. You didn't want to show that you were afraid of that too, even though you knew Heimdall probably already knew what you thought.

“We won't let him. This is our baby, our family.” still holding his hand, you led him behind you to sit on the bed. “You can't let fear of your father define your life. Besides, remember that I'm always here and always will be for you. No matter what happens, how hopeless the situation is, I will always be with you, you can always talk to me honestly.”

Without saying anything, he cuddled up to you, burying his face in the crook of your neck. It was obvious that what you said meant a lot to him, especially since you said it honestly. You loved this tease and you had no intention of ever leaving him or your child.

That's right, a child who just showed up again by kicking you. You tensed slightly when you suddenly felt it, and Heimdall then moved slightly away from you.

He reached behind his head, taking off the hairband that held his hairstyle and then lay down, resting his head on your thighs and stomach. It was his silent request for you to untie his braids. He would never have asked you directly, but who knows… Maybe someday he will, since it looked like today you had broken another barrier - perhaps the last one - between you.

You'd love to hear from him someday that he likes what you're doing, whether you're just playing with his hair or fixing his belt because you think you can do it better than him.

“I love it when you play with them…” you smiled to yourself when you heard that. Maybe he just said it because he read your thoughts, or maybe he said it on his own, whatever. It fulfilled your little impression and warmed your heart.

“Boy or girl?” you asked, already unravelling the last of his braids and now only playing with the loose strands of golden hair, massaging his scalp gently as you did so.

“I don’t know.” it warmed you up even more when he lay with his head right next to your belly as he was now, his free hand stroking it lightly. And he's been doing this since the pregnancy belly starts showing. Maybe not every day, he had to be in the mood for it…

But every time you were lying down, he had at least one hand on your belly. Sometimes he just lightly rested his hand on it, and sometimes he wrapped his arms around it a little tighter as you lay with your back to him, slowly falling asleep.

You remember one night when he had to go do some stuff for Odin and you slept alone. Or rather you tried, because all night you felt the baby either kicking you or wriggling inside you, as if asking where his dad was and demanding his presence. It may have been a terrible and sleepless night, but in retrospect… You liked the interpretation you came up with. Because on no other night that Heimdall was around did this happen to you. It had to mean something, right?

“But it must be a girl with such zeal.” he said, obviously feeling the baby's kicks. You chuckled softly at that theory, continuing to play with his hair. “Actually, I want a daughter…”

A daughter like him… You didn't know if you should break down or smile at the idea. But on the other hand... Maybe this tease could use someone with the same character as his?

-> general masterlist -> God of War: Ragnarök masterlist

Okay, but isn't it sweet, how he loves and have to have a hand wrapped around her pregnancy belly every night? 😭💕

@manymaria111 @different4black @vanserrar

#heimdall gow #heimdall x reader #gow heimdall #heimdall god of war #heimdall #god of war heimdall #god of war ragnarok #gow #god of war

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aita-blorbos · 8 months

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AITA for not doing my job?

I know this sounds a little bit bad, but… I dunno.

I (34NB) work at an office. Or, I guess, I’m expected to work at an office. I applied to be— well, I don’t even remember anymore, but the job they have me doing isn’t the job I signed up for.

I say ‘have me doing’ as if I’m actually doing it, but the problem is I can’t.

I know that’s such an office worker thing to say, ugh, I can’t do my job anymore, it’s boring, et cetera, but I actually mean that I can’t.

They want me to be sharpening pencils as a job. For my coworkers? I guess? And they GAVE me a pencil sharpener, but… they didn’t give me any pencils to sharpen. If it was the beginning of my job, I’d pass it off as them forgetting, but this has been going on for, um… two years. I think.

It’s… been a lot. I’ve tried to contact management and HR and hell, even the big boss, but nobody will respond to me about it. The only sort of response I’ve gotten is asking me why I’m not at my desk doing my job!

And I know that’s… probably not on me, right? But I just… really can’t help but feel like this is all my fault. My coworkers all give me dirty looks when I do anything, if I’m up and walking around they all stare at me like I’m the one broken cog in a machine that would otherwise work if it didn’t have… well, me.

And to make it all worse, everybody ELSE gets to use pencils. All the coworkers around me have their own pencils and everything, and it’s just ME who they didn’t give pencils to! And they won’t SHARE! I can ask them for a pencil to do my fucking JOB and they just give me a LOOK and they STARE at me as they take one of their own goddamn pencils out and whenever I think they’re finally going to be a DECENT PERSON they just take out a sheet of paper and make a note on it and then put the pencil AWAY. As if they’re trying to TAUNT me with it! And I’m so fucking SICK and TIRED of—

…

…Sorry. I, uh… didn’t really mean to get so upset. It’s just… a lot to deal with. It’s starting to weigh on me, a bit, because I can’t tell if I’m the problem or not.

I just don’t understand. Did I do something to offend them all? Is there something wrong with me? Am I doing this on purpose and just not realizing? I don’t even know at this point and I ju st w ish ICOULDDDO M YyY

———

——

LOADING…

——

———

Woah, there. That got a little bit out of hand.

Don’t worry about that guy. I’m sure they ended up getting out of that disaster just fine.

(…Maybe 9 years later than they should have, but that’s a little beside the point…)

I mean, you can still vote if you want. I’m not going to stop you.

Honestly, I’m also kind of interested in hearing your opinion about that whole mess. Not for any particular reason, I just think data collection is nice.

Here, I’ll even pull up the poll for you!

Were they the asshole?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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underworld-park-offical · 2 months

Text

GREGORY: Ugh

GREGORY: That one girls hair looked so ugly

GREGORY: It didn't match her clothes at all

GREGORY: I can just tell she’s related to Craig_The_Real_Tucker

ESTELLA: Gregory!! Do NOT be rude!

GREGORY: What!?! I’m just saying!

ESTELLA: They are just children!

GREGORY: So? Children can be ugly as fuck, too!

ESTELLA: Gregory. Don’t make me do the count

GREGORY: Yes, ma'am...

ESTELLA: Well, we cannot discuss anything until Phillip, Tweek and Thomas are back

GREGORY: Ugh, seriously?

ESTELLA: You know our "nobody left behind policy", Gregory!

GREGORY: So what are we supposed to do?

ESTELLA: I suppose we shall have to wait

GREGORY: Hell no

ESTELLA: Language, Gregory!

GREGORY: I’m looking around for something to do

GREGORY: Ugh, there's a drawer full of Supreme hoodies

GREGORY: No way in the seven layers of hell will I ever put these disgraces of fashion on him

ESTELLA: Language!

GREGORY: Hell isn't a curse word, Madame Estella

ESTELLA: It very much so is

GREGORY: This is still not going on him, no matter your insistence.

ESTELLA: He needs warmth Gregory

GREGORY: There's always the option of burning these.

ESTELLA: Quit it!

GREGORY: (scoff)

GREGORY: It doesn’t even suit him well in this lighting anyway

GREGORY: The white barely complements anything

ESTELLA: Young man, i mean it

ESTELLA: Knock. It. Off.

GREGORY: Alright, I suppose no more nitpicking for me…

GREGORY: This will unfortunately have to do…

ESTELLA: While we’re here we may as well close this portal up

GREGORY: Why??

ESTELLA: So no other demons wander and get hurt, of course!

GREGORY: Oh you and your safety

ESTELLA: I don't want the parents of these implings to start worrying if their child goes missing!

ESTELLA: Would you mind giving me a hand?

ESTELLA: I can’t exactly do this type of magic by myself

GREGORY: No!

ESTELLA: Gregory, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you!

GREGORY: I’M NOT DOING JACK SHIT I JUST GOT MY NAILS DONE!!!

ESTELLA: LANGUAGE!!!!

ESTELLA: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE GROUNDED TOO?!?! GREGORY: WE ARE THE SAME AGE YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME

ESTELLA: OH YES I DO!! DON’T THINK I WON'T GO THROUGH YOUR INSTAGRAM DRAFTS

GREGORY: YOU WOULDN’T ESTELLA: I VERY MUCH SO WOULD. GREGORY: UGH! FINE! I'LL HELP!!

GREGORY: BUT I AM NOT STANDING!

ESTELLA: Thank you!

GREGORY: (scoff)

GREGORY: (eyeroll)

GREGORY: …?

GREGORY: Oh ho ho! NOW we’re talking!

ESTELLA: Gregory, what are you giggling about?

GREGORY: Ohhhh nothing~

ESTELLA: If you so much as BREATHE on that lap top young man, the last thing that you will be seeing is my sandal

GREGORY: I never said I was going to touch it!

ESTELLA: Well I can tell you were! No electronics until you help me fix this!

GREGORY: Yes ma’am…

ESTELLA: Although…. I suppose you have been very good up until now…

ESTELLA: If you say that you’re sorry for the way that you acted, I allow you to go on the computer until I need you

ESTELLA: But you HAVE to mean it!

ESTELLA: No sarcasm!

GREGORY: Right, right,

GREGORY: I want to apologize to you for what I did, it was VERY wrong and I am VERY sorry

GREGORY: I just would like to move on and lead a normal life, you know?

GREGORY: Get a job, a husband, and change my ways.

GREGORY: I hope this apology impresses you, even though you made me do it and I don’t actually mean it.

ESTELLA: You mean you do mean it?

GREGORY: I mean i do mean it

ESTELLA: Hmmm…..

ESTELLA: I suppose that will do

ESTELLA: Go on, then,

ESTELLA: I'll let you know when you're needed

ESTELLA: Do not give me sass when I need you, either, or else you won't have ANY computer time!

GREGORY: Hooray! Thank you, Estella!

GREGORY: Time to scroll through Instagram reels and hate myself!

(Images edited by @pissblanket)

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gt-daboss · 8 months

Text

GT Friendships (Oneshot)

CW: Heavy Angst, comments on kidnapping, (let me know if anything else)

3.2k words (Est: 15 min read)

“I don’t care!” the words rang out from the giant before her. Lea stood with her arms crossed and eyes narrowed. She was a good deal taller than Abby just by herself, and it didn’t help that she was surrounded by 2 friends on either side of her, nearly taking up the entire hallway by themselves.

“But, you- why would you LIE about the answers, You know I needed to score well on that assignment and-”

“Abigail, we don’t owe you anything, and we aren’t your homework slaves, don’t you have somebody else you can bother?” The way she said it so nonchalantly, at this point, Abby's face was surely red, her ears burning up as she glared daggers.

“Bother? I just- Why couldn’t you- Ugh! Screw you, seriously Lea, I-” Abigail couldn't finish, turning tail to hide her face, her eyes shut tight to avoid tears leaking out. She was screwed, so terribly screwed. She couldn't help but feel like there were a hundred eyes on her, it didn’t help that there were probably countless human students who saw that interaction from the balconies. Trying to save some face, she stormed away, at least I don’t have to see her for the rest of the day… fuck, still have another period left.

Despite how much she wanted to go back there and sock Lea in her dumb stupid face, It would only show how much her words hurt her, “Go bother someone else” She felt her fists clench up.

She didn’t have anybody else, no humans would interact with her because of her father, and no giants would hang out with her for fear of getting ostracized like her. It just felt… impossible, like there was nobody and nowhere to turn to. And now, here she was, on her way to another class, where she would sit in the back alone, it almost made her lose hope.

Mope later, you need to get to class Abb, maybe if you’re lucky they might force you into a group project with…

“Sada!” Abigail called out, almost instinctually, at the sight of the human girl trekking on the elevated pathways toward the same class as her. Sada froze for a second, always a jumpy human, sharing schools with giants, –especially ones with reputations like Abby's– certainly helped her feel on edge. Still, Abb hasn’t done anything wrong yet, despite what conventional knowledge would say about what her father–

“Hey squirt, you ready for English?” Abby probed, giving almost no hint of the previous altercation in the hallway only moments before. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice Sada unconsciously gripping the railings as the giant casually walked over to her. “You’re gonna be late walking to class on those little legs of yours shorty.”

Sada knew Abigail was just teasing, she hoped at least. But it did nothing to lessen the impact of the words. Abb practically leaned over her now, doing nothing but helping the looming feeling that she just felt… small. Noticing her ‘friend’s’ lack of response, Abby frowned herself, not wanting to have another Lea situation on her hands, her words still echoing in her head“Go bother someone else”

“Er- but hey, that's not a bad thing, Oh hey, how about, since I’m like, ya know, making you late, you could uh- well I could carry you to class.” Abigail offered, slowly laying a palm up hand a good couple of paces away from the human. Sada didn’t immediately refuse her offer like the giant feared, but that didn’t mean she would say yes.

‘No’ is what she should have said, an immediate response no different than any other human would have said when the daughter of Erik Faust asked to pick you up. Would she even let me say no? There are teachers and students everywhere, there's no way she could get away with anything anyway, but… she gulped, looking up at the giant in front of her. Despite what everybody says about her, she had been surprisingly… normal. No human had anything personal to say about her (other than the fact she was a Faust), and it honestly seemed like the Giants picked on her rather than the other way around. So even though it scared the hell out of her, she agreed.

“Yeah, I don’t see why not right? I’ll be right over,” Abby didn’t say anything in response, but her eyes told it all, beaming brightly as she watched the human inch towards her hand, “You’ve uhh, carried humans before, right?”

“Oh, no- not technically speaking I haven’t ever, but I have been through training, lots of it. They wouldn’t let me in this school unless I did because of my… situation.” despite that, Sada only briefly stopped, before heading towards her hand, once Abigail's hand left the railing there would be no going back just a couple more steps and you can't take it back… shit, that's a kinda messed up way of thinking about it.

“Hey, uhm so, about earlier, I didn’t mean to demean you when I called you short earlier, I don’t know why I said that I was just… stupid, I was just stupid okay. No excuses, but I won’t do it again.”

That was all the motivation Sada needed. Hoisting herself up onto the giant’s palm, she settled down in the soft, spongy center. The heat emanating off the skin directly below her warmed her up where she felt just comfortable enough to crack a light joke.

“Thanks, and you better watch out, my doctor said I still could grow a couple more inches, pretty soon I could be taller than you.” Abigail nearly burst out giggling, holding her free hand to her face. Preparing for her platform to go flying, Sada was pleasantly surprised when the hand stood firm throughout.

*****

“Do you need me to carry you home?” Abigail asked. Sada looked like she was almost considering it, but eventually shook her head.

“It’d be nice, but I live in human-only residential. Thanks for the offer though.” Abby still stood there contemplating, clearly not happy with the answer.

“So you really walk all the way home every day? Doesn't that take you like, forever?”

“It's only for today since my parents are helping my brother move, only an hour and a half walk Abb, no big deal.” Another frown, Abigail already hated walking the hallways to classes, even thinking about trekking Sada’s way home…

“OH! You could hang out at my place! Just until your parents come back!” Abigail said it almost immediately, not even giving it a chance to filter through her brain. She knew it was much too early to be inviting Sada over, the two had only been acquainted a few weeks, ‘friends’ for a few minutes, but Abigail was desperate for something positive to go her way for once. Plus she rationalized the situation is just perfect… well- perfect for me. Despite knowing what her answer would probably be, it still hurt when the reaction she saw on Sada’s wasn’t nearly as excited as she was.

“You mean like… listen, Abigail, I uhmmm.” Instantly Abigail’s face changed. Without even a word she knew what this answer would be, she had experienced it happen so, so many times. Of course, why would this be any different? Hell, Sada wasn’t even a giant, She probably only talks to you cause she’s scared-

“Abigail, hey, I didn’t say no, Goodness you looked like I just told you your cat died or something,” Abby blinked quickly and then refocused on the human, letting out a weak but genuine laugh. “Hey uhhh, I’ll think about it, alright? Class is about to start so I need to get back to the human desks, but I'll think about it okay? Just meet me outside after class.”

Abigail was this close to squee-ing when she heard that, barely getting a hold of herself, She couldn't stop the constant beaming of her face, a funny turnaround after she looked so pouty and sad just moments prior. Wordlessly she offered her hand to Sada, smiling even larger when she felt the ticklish steps of a human on her hand, her friend on her hand?

*****

“Sada, what the hell were you just doing? Are you okay? Did she grab you?” Sada’s best friend, Penny, asked, voice dripping with concern. At first, she was stunned by the rapid quick questions thrown at her, but then she remembered which Giant she was with. It was hard to really feel it in the moment, but she was just being carried by Abigail Faust. No human wanted to go near her, and Sada wasn’t even that comfortable with giant students without reputations like hers. Still, she was alright, and she was starting to realize that maybe all these rumors about this giant girl’s family were… exaggerated.

“Hey hey hey, back up Penn, I’m not hurt anywhere, Abb just offered to take me to class since I was running late.”

“‘Abb’? You were in her hand do you know how dangerous that could have been?!” Sada sucked in a deep breath, Penny seemed genuinely worried. Suddenly she started rethinking her decision to hang out with Abigail after class today. Penny had always been the one to tell her that she was overreacting when it came to giants, but apparently, Abby had her shaken. “Sada I’m serious, Charlie has warned me about her and her family, it is not good news.”

Great, Charlie was Penny’s giant boyfriend, but apparently, the bad rumors spread about Abigail weren't kept to the human students alone. “...like what…” Sada asked as Penny came up close to her to whisper as if Abigail could be listening in as they spoke.

“Her dad was like, in the rings, ya know, human trafficking, Charlie's dad was a juror for the case, some of the cases go back years, some families even prosecuted him from events when he was only in high school. I’m being serious Sada, please, if you're going to hang out with her, at least let me and Charlie come with you.”

*****

Meanwhile, on the giant side of the classroom, Abigail was having a completely different conversation.

“So what, did you just kidnap Sada or something? What's up with you carrying a human?” Another giant, Adam, jeered at her. Her face flushed red, it's never-ending with these sacks of-

“Lea stopped giving her the math answers, she needs someone else to give her a free pass.” Great, of course, that’s already spread around huh.

“Oh shut up Eva, I just met her and took her to class, that’s all. We don’t even have the same math teacher,” Abigail responded crassly, clearly fed up with having conversations like these countless, countless times.

“So the kidnapping one was more accurate, bummer,” Eva said nonchalantly, it was stuff like this that Abigail had heard every. Single. Day. Always having to take these people's comments about her but never able to fight back. One more period, just ignore her.

“Shut up, Eva.” Abigail retorted. The blonde across from Abigail smirked, as if she just thought of the most amazing idea in the entire world.

“I guess it runs in the family.” Thats it.

“SHUT UP EVA!” Abigail screamed, rising up from her chair and slamming her hands on her desk. She immediately knew she had messed up when the whole room went quiet, but it just wasn’t fair.

“Abigail Faust, do you need to take a trip to the principal's office.” Came the nasally voice of her English teacher. Taking a deep breath, she cast one more glare at Eva before sitting back down in her chair.

“I’m fine, sorry for disturbing class,” Ava responded as calmly as she could, stealing a glance over at the human desks, while she couldn’t specifically single Sada out from the crowd, it seemed like the entire human population was staring at her in that moment.

It’s not fair.

*****

Abigail had decided, she had decided that wouldn’t let them get to her. She wouldn’t let Lea, she wouldn’t let Adam, and she definitely wouldn’t let Eva. No, Sada had been the first person since her dad got convicted who talked to her like a person and not some ticking time bomb or social destroyer. Hell, she had picked up Sada, That's probably more than a good chunk of the giants at her school, but it was her who…

It's hopeless, I already said I don’t care what they think, Sada will be out here soon and I’ll get her opinion.

*****

It was safe to say Sada felt a little terrified.

She had already decided that after what she had heard, she would be declining Abigail's invitation to a sleepover, but it was a lot easier said than done to actually say it to Abb’s face, especially after she blew up on Eva last period. Conventional knowledge told her that of course Abigail wouldn’t do anything to her, but…

“I’ll go on ahead and get Charlie, If we see you are in trouble with her, we’ll come right away, no questions asked okay?” Came the reassuring voice of Penny. The two had made a plan in the case anything went wrong, This is so stupid, Abigail isn’t some kind of human-napper… she paused, thinking about the horror stories friends had told her, Penny had told her, her parents had told her, and even though she knew it was stupid to believe in ever rumor you hear… Its better safe than sorry, sorry Abb.

Sada watched as Penny rounded a corner out of sight as she gathered up her backpack. She waited a couple more minutes before heading to the front entrance herself. The blinding natural light of the outside world made it hard to see for a moment. Looking around for a minute or two, she still couldn’t find Abigail. You’d think it be pretty easy to find someone whos 70 feet ta-

“Hey, Sada! Behind you,” Came the voice of none other than Abigail. Jumping a good foot in the air from the sneak attack, Sada unconsciously gripped the straps of her backpack tight before turning around to face the giant. “Sorry about class, Eva has always had it out for me… but I know what I did was wrong too, I was just… jeez not making this any better. Uhh, Sada do you still want to hang out at my place for the night?”

Abagail wanted to tear into herself in that moment, Great thing to say right after throwing a temper tantrum in front of her, just go tell the human you have anger problems why don’t you? Agh stupid stupid stupid.

“Err, sorry Abigail, but not tonight okay, I’m getting a ride from Penny today, but, thanks for the offer.” Sada answered, looking up at the giant girl for confirmation.

Nothing… well I’ll just-

“Sorry, Sada, did you say something, It's pretty windy up here, Could I pick you up to hear you better?”

Red flags, If there was ever a warning to turn back and call it quits for Sada, this would have definitively been it. If she got in her hands that would practically be sealing her fate. There would be another time, she didn’t have to make friends with her now-

*WOOOHMPH* Suddenly out of nowhere Sada felt two giant appendages squeeze between her arms and hoist her into the air. To stunned to even speak, the vertigo of traveling dozens of feet into the air in seconds made her head dizzy, and when she finally snapped out of it, she was sitting 70 feet above the ground staring directly at the face of her giant captor who seemed way way to close right now.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you down there-” Abigail began sheepishly but was near immediately cut off by Sada finally catching her breath.

“Abigail Abigail Abigail what the hell, Please put me down, put me down, Why did you pick me up, Oh god.” This can’t be happening, no please, Penny, Charlie help.

Abigail was also panicking, realizing immediately that she had severely messed up, Everybody knew you didn’t grab a human without explicit permission, especially when you had a reputation like Abigail’s. She needed to fix this, but if she put Sada down, she knew she would never be able to get her own word in –a terribly selfish excuse, she knew– but she was just so tired of losing people.

“Wait Sada I’m sorry I didn’t mean to grab you, Please believe me I was-”

“Sada, Abigail!” Came a loud, commanding male voice from her left, Charlie. Instinctually she tightened her grip on Sada and brought her closer to her chest. “Let her go, Abigail, I won’t say it again.” No! It’s not fair!

“W-who are you, w-what do you want from me and Sada.” Abigail weakly refused. This only made the taller giant angrier, as he stormed closer.

“Hand her over Abigail, now!” Was all the giant said in response.

“N-no, leave us alone,” Abigail cried, squeezing her hand even tighter and closer than before, inadvertently eliciting a little squeak from the passenger within, unknown to her over the chaos.

“Now, Abigail, hand over our friend now.” He demanded, now within an arms reach, the size difference between the two giants became immediately clear to the younger and shorter giant. Tears now threatened to spill out of her eyes. It's not fair it's not fair! I don’t even get to explain my side of the story, It always happens to me I can’t ever win It’s just not fai-

“Sada, Sada! Abigail, please let her go you’re hurting her!” Snapping her out of daze wasn't the gruff, loud voice of a giant but a human girl who she hadn’t even realized was riding on his shoulder the entire time. Wait, She mentioned Sada, where is-

Heartbeat. Heartbeat came from the center of her hands. Oh god, her hands, Sada was in her hands. Opening her palms, the sight she saw disgusted her. In the center, trembling, was Sada, a stark contrast to how she looked up at her when traversing the hallways only an hour earlier, this Sada looked terrified of her. No… Please, let me fix this, I can fix this just give me a chance, please!

“Sada, I…” She couldn’t, she couldn’t even finish, couldn’t even say she was sorry before she was interrupted.

“Oh my god, Sada, Sada are you okay, please Abigail put her down.” The human again, I don’t even get to make my case? I- I… its not… its just not fair… Looking past her hands where the human was held, her gaze met the ground, a single tear dropping from her eye. Lips wobbling, she slowly lowered the human to the ground. Why did you even expect something else Abb?

“Go, Sada, g-, just go.” Abigail couldn’t look, but she felt the warm, comforting feeling of the human in her hand slowly scamper off. Not waiting a second longer, she ran. There would be consequences, she knew there would be consequences. But she didn’t care, she just needed to get away and get alone for some time.

This is probably the fastest I've ever written a story, I just HAD to get this on paper I needed the good angst and my mind would not let me sleep unless I wrote it down.

Speaking of which, even though this story was a pretty long one, (and was supposed to be a one-shot) I honestly am already thinking of a possible sequel lmao. But I don't want to accidentally ruin this story's ending... soooo, let me know if I should continue it or leave it as is. Feedback appreciated!

#giant/tiny #g/t #giant tiny #size difference #g/t writing #gt #sfw gt #gt angst #angst #gt fearplay #male giant #female giant #giantess #gentle giantess

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love-toxin · 2 years

Note

I’m on that big older men bullshit. Big teddy bears! Ugh. Just imagine getting bent over or held down by them as they pound away at you. It’s so warm and soft wherever you grab for dear life.

I’d hope Jim would have a huge breeding kink cause I want him pumping me full of kids. (Or not.) Maybe he’s got a thing for cockwarming while he does his paper work?

IM HERE ANON U ARE MAKING ME FEEL SO SEEN....

(cw: breeding, cockwarming)

big.....dilf.....Hop......he thinks you're a little too cute and a little too innocent to be with him. he likes you of course, who wouldn't? but you're just too lovely for him to think you'd ever be happy with some old grump like him.

but he's soooooo wrong, and it's an understatement to say that he's pleasantly surprised when you prove it to him. when you saunter into the police station one day, a tupperware container full of cookies baked fresh just for him, he thinks it's just an act of goodwill for keeping those rowdy kids out of your garden a couple nights before. when you ask if he can walk you to your car after work the next week, he does it with gratitude that he gets a few minutes to chat with you--damn, did you park your car far away--but he doesn't let himself get carried away, though he does open your door for you like a gentleman. it isn't until he notices you leaving little things in his office after you stop by, like your lipstick or your scarf or your necklace, that he starts to wonder if you're orchestrating these meetings to try and get him to take the hint. and then he feels a bit like an idiot for missing all those obvious signs that you want him, badly.

it's one of those afternoons when he knows you're gonna pop your head in that he vacates the station--gives everyone the day off, gives them assignments way out of the way, or just straight up tells them to do anything but come in. Jim listens quietly as the front door opens, your shoes hit the carpet, and waits until he knows you're coming closer to call out and make you aware of his presence. alone.

that cheeky grin on your face as you step through the door, the "all by your lonesome, chief?" spoken cutely as you bite your lip, is all he needs to confirm his suspicions. you're not as innocent as he pegged you to be, but unbeknownst to you, that's a very, very good thing. you know what you're getting into, and that completely erases any guilt he might have about being rough when he grabs you by the hips and shoves you up against his desk. your squeaky moan as he gropes you through your bottoms and finds you already wet, that just riles him up more--and when you throw your arms around his neck and start nibbling on his ear, your mouth running wild with you begging him to just fuck you already, Hop is more than eager to do exactly that.

it's quite lucky that he had the forethought to evacuate the building beforehand, because the desk legs scraping against the linoleum and the heavy breathing would be pretty hard to explain away. even more so your cries and screams of "more, don't stop" and "fucking cum inside me" and "wan' you to breed me, Hop!" that he just hopes and prays aren't loud enough for any passersby to hear.....at least when Callahan drops by to grab something he left there, you'll have had your guts sufficiently rearranged by then, and you'll just be perched all pretty on Jim's lap while he works at his desk. so smiley and polite that nobody would even think that you've got the Chief's fat cock all nestled up inside you, keeping those loads he shot off one after another nice and warm within you. just gotta make sure it takes--you asked him so sweetly for what you wanted, and it would be so mean of him not to do everything to give it to you.

#jim hopper #jim hopper x reader #spicy writing #st 4 #stranger things #ellie writes #anons

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sickficideas · 8 months

Text

foolish || SSKK sickfic

ao3! 13.5k please refer to the tags in the link for content + warnings! sicktember 2023, day 3: "What happened to your phenomenal immune system, huh?“ + Server/Restaurant AU

Atsushi blows his nose into the last tissue he had stored in his apron, and despite his efforts to stay hidden from the one person he would prefer not to know his secrets, Akutagawa turns the corner into the hallway.

He gives him a once over, in the way a high school girl would to someone she’s about to tear into, and in that moment, Atsushi wishes he was allowed to square up with his coworkers.

“What happened to your phenomenal immune system?" Akutagawa scoffs.

"Nothing happened to it, I still have it!" Atsushi huffs. He’s glad he doesn’t sound as congested as he did this morning, but he thinks the way his voice sounds still makes it pretty obvious that he’s sick.

“Right,” Akutagawa says, before he continues on his way back down to the end of the hallway where the restrooms are.

“Ugh. I can’t stand that guy,” Atsushi grumbles to himself as he tosses his wad of tissues into the nearest bin, and he’s back on his way into the kitchen to wash his hands.

He’s never been sick at work before. He can’t recall the last time he’s been sick in general, really, but his current state is really not helping his claims of having a fantastic immune system. It hasn’t failed him until now - it’s just that time of year, he thinks. This cold has gone through a lot of other servers at the restaurant, too.

He finishes washing his hands and pulls his mask back over his nose with an exasperated groan. He can’t stand the way his snot gets caught in the mask. This is probably the sixth one he’s gone through just today, and he hasn’t even gotten to his midday break yet.

“Still holding up okay?” Kunikida asks as he passes by, an eyebrow raised.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” Atsushi nods. He’s starting to get a little tired, but otherwise, all of his symptoms are more mildly annoying than anything else. It could be a lot worse.

“Alright. Let me know if you need something,” Kunikida says. He has a clipboard on him. Atsushi isn’t quite sure what he’s busy with, but as the manager, he’s never not doing something.

“Atsushi, you have A-6!” Kenji calls into the kitchen, just quick enough to get a thumbs up from Atsushi before he heads back to the host stand. Atsushi takes in a deep breath. It could be worse. He’ll just get through this shift, take his break, and then get through the next one. No big deal, it’s basically just a runny nose at this point.

Of course he’s dead wrong.

He thinks he must have a fever or something. His head feels all stuffy. He had to ask his last table to repeat their order because he forgot to put it in, and he’s never, ever done that. The kitchen feels a lot hotter than it normally is. If he does have a fever, it can’t be a bad one, but it’s enough of a nuisance that he goes to sit up on the table next to the to-go window to press the heels of his palms against his eyelids for a few moments.

“Aww, Atsushi. Can I get something for you?” Junichiro asks as soon as he closes the window. There aren’t any to-go orders left, now, since it’s so early in the afternoon.

“No, no…I’m good,” he says with a heavy sigh, dropping his hands into his lap. “Man, I…I really thought I had a good immune system.”

“Well, nobody has a perfect immune system,” Junichiro assures him. “We all get sick. And maybe this’ll teach you not to brag about it.”

The smile tells him Junichiro’s just teasing, but maybe he’s right. He’s probably cursed himself through the universe somehow.

Atsushi turns his head with a defeated sigh as he watches Akutagawa walk past him, taking something out of the kitchen to one of his tables. Akutagawa has only been working in the restaurant for two or three months, now. Their restaurant has an adjacent cafe, where Akutagawa used to work. He's not entirely sure why he came to work at the restaurant. He wishes he'd go back to the cafe.

Atsushi watches him on his way back. He's stopped at the opposite kitchen entrance by Yosano, who hands him a note with a mischievous look on her face, but before Atsushi can even consider that strange, Dazai glides into his field of vision.

“Ohh, what’s Atsushi staring at?” Dazai taunts as he walks by, pressing his cheek up against Atsushi’s like he's trying to get the exact angle. “Akutagawa? Aw, how adorable! I didn’t think you were into emo guys. I’ll go next door and put in an order for a wedding ca-”

“Dazai! Cut it out!” Atsushi whines, standing up from where he’s sitting on the table and slipping back into the kitchen. Dazai is giving him that mischievous look of his. Atsushi feels his cheeks heat up, and he’s glad their concealed by the mask, for the most part. “Don’t you have something better to do? Kunikida’s gonna burst another blood vessel if he sees you’re slacking again.”

“Unfortunately for me, nobody day-drinks any more! So I have to entertain myself in other ways,” Dazai says with an overdramatic sigh. Dazai is supposed to be behind the bar, but half of the time, he’s off doing something else.

“Go easy on him, Dazai. He’s not feeling well today,” Junichiro says with a pout.

Dazai mirrors his pout, but just before he can make a silly comment, Kunikida walks by and glares him down. He’s frozen for a moment, but Kunikida takes his wrist and pulls him back to where he’s supposed to be. Kunikida isn’t particularly strict about them chatting, but he seems to be annoyed enough with Dazai today.

At least he’ll be off Atsushi’s back for now.

Atsushi is tempted to ask Kenji to give the next table to someone else, but he doesn’t have the heart to. He needs the money, anyway.

He finds himself sitting in the corner of the walk-in freezer not long after he puts in his new table’s order. It’s far too hot in the kitchen, and while he felt much better in here for a minute or two, he’s starting to feel shivers run up his spine. He’s getting really tired, but he’s too uncomfortable to think about sleeping right now.

He sees the door start to open. Kunikida probably found him. He scrambles to stand up and straighten out his apron, but when he looks up, it’s -

"Go on your break," Akutagawa tells him with a huff.

"Since when do you call the shots around here?" Atsushi grumbles, Akutagawa closes the door behind him to stop the hot hair from coming in.

"You're clearly exhausted. Go take your break early and I'll take over your section," Akutagawa reiterates. "No one needs you here taking up space if you're at fifty percent. Especially in the freezer."

Atsushi is beyond annoyed with him, but he understands the sentiment. He’s been making mistakes with his tables and slacking, it’s probably better if he goes on his break early to recuperate.

“Well? Which tables are yours?” Akutagawa asks.

“I just have F-2 left,” Atsushi mumbles.

“Alright. Don’t come back until five,” Akutagwa says, already on his way out of the freezer. Atsushi glares at him until he leaves, but his shoulders relax once the door is closed. Maybe it’s not so bad. He’s not sure that table was going to tip him much anyway.

Atsushi puts in a ticket for himself just for a cup of soup, since he doesn’t have much of an appetite, and he takes it up to a table obscured from view where many of the servers sit on their breaks.

He only takes a few sips with a spoon before he lays his head on the table, deciding he’ll just shut his eyes for a while. He’s sure if he does this he’ll feel good enough to finish his evening shift with no problem.

He only briefly considers asking Kunikida if he can leave early. He can’t do that. He’s never left early. The only time he’s ever done that was to pick up Kyoka from school because she got hurt. He can push through a little fever. He’ll be fine.

He hears someone’s footsteps approach the table and stop in front of it, and he slowly lifts his head to avoid getting dizzy.

Akutagawa. Again.

Atsushi wants to voice his complaints, but Akutagawa’s hand slides something that he’s already placed on the table a bit closer to him. It’s two pills in a tiny sauce cup, on top of a ten-dollar bill.

"What are these?" Atsushi asks, a brow raised as he sits himself up.

"Fever reducers," Akutagawa says. “And the tip from F-2.”

"You just have these on you?" Atsushi asks, bringing his eyes up to meet Akutagawa’s.

“Some of us don’t have immune systems as great as yours,” Akuatagwa teases.

Atsushi huffs. “Fine, I get it.”

Akutagawa is already on his way back to where he came from before Atsushi can say anything else. He wasn’t expecting Akutagawa to give him the tip he missed out on. He was almost certain Akutagawa was the type to vulture over tables like that. And he really didn’t expect him to bring him medicine.

Maybe he should have said thank you. It’s too late now.

…

Atsushi did feel okay for a while. He thinks that medicine helped delay the inevitable, but his fever came back in full swing just an hour before he was supposed to be cut. He's starting to feel really out of it.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know how I mixed those two up,” Atsushi mumbles as he rubs his eyes. One of his tables had gotten something completely different than what they asked for, and of course, they voiced their complaint to Kunikida before Atsushi even had a chance to fix the situation.

Atsushi wishes he was still dealing with a runny nose. He'd prefer that over what's happening now. He feels dizzy and his stomach is starting to hurt.

“They’re right on top of each other in the system. I’ve made that mistake before,” Akuatagwa says, apparently overhearing the situation. Atsushi wants to shoot him a glare and tell him to stay out of it, but he secretly appreciates the defense. He probably hit the other one by accident when he was putting the order in.

“Alright, well, be more careful next time, Atsushi. You know better than to not double-check,” Kunikida says with a heavy sigh, clearly just put off by the customer’s complaints.

“Yes, sir,” Atsushi murmurs, and before he can even think about thanking Akutagawa again, he’s already whisked himself out of the kitchen.

“You and Akutagawa are getting cut first. So just finish up your tables and you can go,” Kunikida tells him. That’s the best news he’s heard all day. Both of them did double shifts today, so it makes sense, but he was totally thinking he would have to be here past close.

He watches Akutagawa take the correct order to the table that he messed up on, and they thank him. It’s weird to see him act docile with people. It’s suspicious. But he’s thankful Akutagawa took care of that. He’s really not feeling up to it himself.

Atsushi really hasn't felt this awful in a long time. Akutagawa's weird understanding is throwing him off.

He manages to get through the rest of his tables without any major issues. He spilled two glasses of water and forgot to put in a dessert, but in the end, he finished it. The last few tables tipped him less than his average, which makes it clear enough his performance wasn’t up to par, but at this point, he just wants to take his tips and leave.

Junichiro helps cash him out, and Atsushi waits along the wall outside the back end of the cafe, where Kyoka will usually pick him up. He had already shot her a text earlier when Kunikida told him he was being cut first, but she hasn’t responded yet.

He tries to call her, but still, no answer. He knows that she has soccer practice that usually runs pretty late, so he’s not too worried. But of course, this would happen the one time he wants to go home as soon as possible.

He sits with his knees pulled into his chest and his head laying atop them, his phone ringer turned on in case she calls.

He can’t help but whine for just a second as his head starts to swim around. He’d do anything to be in his bed right now.

Footsteps approach the back end, and Atsushi already knows it’s Akutagawa. The shoes he wears have a strong heel.

"Where's your ride?" Akutagawa asks after a few moments. Apparently, he’s already closed out, too.

"I dunno," he murmurs honestly. He’s too tired to argue with him. Otherwise, he would have said it’s none of his business. “She won't answer."

“Hm,” is all he says. He stands there for a few extra moments. Atsushi expects him to say something, but he just walks off to find his car without another word to Atsushi.

Atsushi ducks his head back down. He doesn’t have the energy to fight off Akutagawa’s terrible manners.

He wonders for a moment if it might be a better idea to call an Uber than to wait for Kyoka, but he realizes calling an Uber would make a dent in his profits for today, and make him feel like he shouldn’t have come to work in the first place. He groans.

He hears a car pull up to the sidewalk, and his head pops up, hoping to see his car with Kyoka in the driver’s seat - but disappointing him once again, it’s Akutagawa.

Atsushi groans again and drops his head back onto his knees, but Akutagawa honks his horn. Atsushi raises a brow. What the hell is his problem?

He stands up, using the wall to help him do so, and sees the passenger window open Akutagawa is busy on his phone, not even bothering to turn his head to look over.

Atsushi takes a few steps closer to his car, wondering what on earth he could possibly want from him.

“Get in,” Akutagawa says without looking up, once Atsushi is close to the car door.

“What? You - ”

Atsushi hears the door unlock.

Is this some weird way of telling him he’ll drive him home?

In any other situation, Atsushi would say no. Akutagawa is so rude. This is not the way to offer to drive someone home. Atsushi doesn’t want to get into this asshole’s car, and he doesn’t want him to know where he lives.

But his desire to be asleep in his bed trumps everything so fast that he’s already climbed into the passenger seat.

“You’re so rude,” Atsushi grumbles as Akutagawa hands him his phone with a bar to enter his address. Atsushi feebly types it in before placing it into the phone holder he sees. “You could’ve just said I’ll drive you home.”

“I didn’t feel like arguing with you,” Akutagawa says simply as he starts to drive off.

“Who says I would’ve argued?” Atsushi huffs, buckling his seatbelt. He tries to make sure it sits loose across his lap so there's not too much pressure on his aching stomach.

“You always argue.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re rude!” Atsushi reiterates. Akutagawa doesn’t seem to care about what he has to say, but honestly, Atsushi will just take the ride home give up. He’ll never win an argument against someone like Akutagawa.

Akutagawa is strange. He doesn’t have any music playing in his car. Not even the buzz of the radio, it’s completely off. His car is clean. Too clean, but Atsushi thinks that part makes sense. He’s kind of a good driver. That doesn’t make any sense.

“Why are you doing this, anyway?” Atsushi asks, turning his head over. Akutagawa doesn’t move his head. He’s stuck straight forward, even as they pull up to a light.

“I have time to kill. And you said your ride wouldn’t answer,” Akutagawa says simply.

“Okay, but you hate me,” Atsushi reminds him.

Akutagawa doesn’t say anything, and just before Atsushi gets half the mind to keep going, he hears his phone start to ring. Kyoka, he guesses, and answers without checking the caller ID.

“I’m really sorry. The practice went longer than usual, we had to start late. I’m on my way,” Kyoka says gently. Atsushi can hear the guilt in her voice. He feels bad.

“No, no, it’s okay. I, uh…I got a ride, so don’t worry about it,” Atsushi assures her. He sounds a little more nervous than he wants to.

“Okay, that’s good. I can pick up some medicine for you, then,” Kyoka says. Atsushi only briefly mentioned to her that he had a cold, but they both know they don’t have anything for that at their apartment.

“That’d be great. Thanks, Kyoka,” he says with a little sigh. “I’ll see you later. Drive safe, okay?”

“I always do. I’ll see you later,” she says, and the line goes dead.

“Sorry. My ride,” Atsushi says as he slides his phone back into his pocket, although, he’s not sure why he’s apologizing. It’s not like Akutagawa was listening to something.

“I figured,” Akutagawa says. “Was that your…”

“Sister. She’s my sister,” Atsushi clarifies, quickly realizing Akiutagawa was assuming something else.

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” Akutagawa says, only sounding mildly surprised.

“Well, she’s…it’s complicated. We’re not blood-related, but…I don’t know. I just say she’s my sister,” Atsushi answers, realizing he probably shouldn’t get into all of the specifics with Akutagawa.

“I see,” Akutagawa nods. “I have a sister as well.”

“You do?” Atsushi says, tilting his head. Akutagawa just nods. “But she’s like, your sister-sister? Like, blood-related?”

“She is,” Akutagawa confirms. “But, blood-related or not, it doesn’t matter. A sister is a sister.”

Atsushi is more than a little surprised to hear that coming from him. Atsushi’s been given a lot of problems before about his relationship with Kyoka. It’s made her time at school incredibly complicated, between the on-paper stuff and the teachers causing issues, so it’s sort of nice to hear that from someone else. He wants to thank him, but he’s unsure he wants to get into all of that.

The nausea starts to settle in a little more, and he can't help but let a quiet groan escape at the feeling. He lays a hand over his tummy. Akutagawa briefly looks over, silently asking what's wrong, Atsushi thinks.

"Sorry. Kinda nauseous," Atsushi mumbles. Normally, he wouldn't admit that.

"Lay the seat back and close your eyes. There's a button at the side of the seat," Akutagawa tells him. Atsushi reaches down and manages to find it right away, and leans the seat back so he’s laying at an angle. It’s a little embarrassing, but Akutagawa is the one that suggested it. And it does help, just a tiny bit.

“By the way,” Atsushi starts before he closes his eyes, deciding instead to thank him for all of the other things he missed today. He’s feeling pretty embarrassed in general. “Thanks for helping me out and stuff.”

“It wasn’t any trouble,” Akutagawa says simply.

“Maybe not, but, I dunno,” Atsushi says through a yawn. Everything he's feeling right now - the heat in his face, the dizziness, the nausea, it's all slowly subsiding and being replaced with the urge to sleep. “You could’ve just pretended you didn’t notice.”

“Why would I do that?” Akutagawa says, sounding confused.

“You’re like, the rudest person I know,” Atsushi reminds him. He’s told him this many times before.

“You’re being rather rude to the one who is deciding whether or not you get home tonight,” Akutagawa grumbles, his fake threat sounding a lot more ominous than it needed to. It almost sends a shiver up Atsushi’s spine.

“Okay, okay! Fine, thank you. I mean it,” Atsushi murmurs, hoping that will offset his earlier comment, and Akutagawa only sighs.

Atsushi starts to get much more tired as they continue their drive, and he’s almost asleep by the time they arrive. To Atsushi’s surprise, Akutagawa tells him to feel better just before Atsushi closes the door, but he’s so dumbfounded by that coming from him that he doesn’t say anything back.

And then, Akutagawa drives off.

…

Only a few weeks later, their situations are reversed.

“Atsushi, your drinks are up at the bar for A-2,” Kunikida says as he walks past him, busy with something else, but the comment flies over his head.

Atsushi's been keeping an eye on Akutagawa. He hasn’t been acting quite right. His usual bad manners have tapered down quite a bit, and right now, he’s leaned against the counter, staring at the tickets hanging up over the window. Or at least, that’s what it looks like. Atsushi thinks he’s got something else on his mind.

He tries to eavesdrop on a conversation Yosano picks up with Akutagawa as Atsushi sifts through the tickets, pretending to look busy, but it’s too loud in the kitchen for him to hear anything. He doesn’t hear more than a word out of Akutagawa.

“Atsushi, the bar, please,” Kunikida huffs. Atsushi almost jumps, but he does as he’s told. They’re far too busy right now for him to ponder what’s on Akutagawa’s mind.

“There he is! Bad kitty, forgetting your drinks,” Dazai says from behind the bar as Atsushi approaches, a mischievous smile on his face as usual. “Also, do me a favor, will you? Akutagawa put this in but we’re out. It’s on the board.”

Dazai hands him a ticket. Akutagawa usually doesn’t make mistakes like that, especially considering their board is in plain sight beside their ordering software.

“I’ll tell him,” Atsushi says with a nod as he takes the tray with his drinks, and whisks them away to A-2.

Just as he plans to head back into the kitchen, he’s flagged down by another table. Atsushi only has one or two of his own tables right now, he just came off of his break not that long ago, so he doesn’t mind helping them out.

“Sorry to bother you, but we haven’t seen our server in a while. We just wanted to put our orders in,” The woman says, not sounding particularly miffed, thankfully.

“No problem, I’ll take them for you,” Atsushi says as he pulls out his notepad. It’s probably Yosano’s table, Atsushi has taken note of her chatting with another of her tables for quite a while, now. “Did you catch their name?”

“I didn’t, but…he has black hair? White tips,” she confirms. The man she's sitting with nods.

Atsushi’s heart sinks. Yet another thing that Akutagawa doesn’t usually do - forget tables. If anything, he’s far too eager to get their orders in as soon as possible, something Kunikida has had to talk to him about. Atsushi takes their orders and heads back to the kitchen, hoping to find Akutagawa there, and he does.

He’s still in the same spot, staring forward with his arms crossed over his chest, but something about this time makes Atsushi realize that he looks nauseous. That isn’t a foreign sight to him. Akutagawa has been sick several times in the few months he’s been working here, for reasons Atsushi can’t be sure about. He’s breathing heavily through his nose, like he’s trying to will his nausea away, his lips pressed into a firm line.

Atsushi has the bar ticket and the note page with his table’s order on it, but he doesn’t have the heart to pester him about that right now. Kunikida appears in the kitchen again. He briefly eyes the two of them, looking confused.

"I can watch your tables for a minute, if you need to -"

Akutagawa doesn't reply, but it's answer enough when a hand flies up to his mouth and he runs off, out of the kitchen and toward the restrooms. Yosano enters the kitchen just as Akutagawa runs past her, and her face falls, seemingly understanding the situation right away. She probably knew he was sick. Yosano used to be a field nurse in the military and often picks up on things like that.

Atsushi was going to suggest he go outside for some fresh air, since that’s usually what he does when he’s not well - he wasn’t expecting him to actually need to throw up, and now he’s concerned. Kunikida seems to mirror this sentiment with the look he’s giving him.

“I’ll go check on him, can you put this in for me?” Atsushi asks as he hands the order to Kunikida, running off before he can ask any further questions. He knows Dazai will bother him about the drink, so he doesn’t worry about that.

He’s not entirely sure why he’s doing this. He normally won't bother Akutagawa at all when he's not feeling well, but for some reason, he feels obligated to this time, especially since this seems worse than usual.

Really, he's just making sure his tables get covered. They're in the middle of a rush right now.

Atsushi travels down the hallway to the very end where the restrooms are - they’re small considering the size of the restaurant, and they only hold three stalls, so Atsushi won’t be able to sneak in all nonchalantly.

He can hear Akutagawa retching through the door. Atsushi cringes at the sound - it sounds painful, followed by coughs and heavy breaths. He thinks it might not be a good idea to wander in right now, so he opens the storage closet at the very end of the hall to grab the closed for cleaning sign, and hangs it on the door. That way, no unwanted visitors can walk in.

Atsushi waits a moment to walk in. It's quiet for long enough and he decides to take the doorknob into his hand. A small, pained whimper breaks the silence.

"Are you okay?" Atsushi asks meekly once the door swings shut behind him. The whimper he heard is enough to tell him the answer is no, but it’s doubtful Akutagawa would admit that.

"I'm fine. Get out," Akutagawa mumbles. Atsushi guesses he's in the stall furthest from the door.

"This is the public bathroom," Atsushi reminds him with a small sigh. "Stomach flu?"

"No," Akutagawa grumbles.

Atsushi pouts. Why is he denying it? "Kinda sounds like -"

"I know what's wrong with me, Nakajima. Leave me alone," Akutagawa hisses. The venom in his tone is telling enough. Unfortunately for him, Atsushi never knows when to quit.

"I'll go check on your tables," Atsushi tells him, that being his plan to begin with. He doesn't have a feeling Akutagawa will be leaving the restrooms very soon, based on just how nauseous he seemed to be earlier.

"You can keep them," Akutagawa mumbles. A cough or two ends his sentence.

"I'm not gonna keep them. You did most of the work," Atsushi huffs. He thinks Akutagawa has four or five tables right now, almost all of which have been here for a while.

"Keep them," Akutagawa insists. His voice sounds a little hoarse and scratchy. He's sure it hurts. Atsushi ended up throwing up once he got home, that time he was sick a few weeks ago. That feeling is fresh in his mind.

"You sure?" Atsushi says. Clearly, Akutagawa will keep arguing no matter the case.

"I'm sure," he says. "Please go."

That last part almost sounds desperate. Not so much of an argument, more of a plea. Atsushi almost feels bad for him.

"Just let me know if you need something," Atsushi says as he takes the handle of the door. He just hears a vague hum from Akutagawa before he slips out of the bathroom.

Atsushi closes the door behind him and adjusts the sign, jumping when Dazai appears in the hallway, looking rather inquisitive. Yosano appears behind him, arms crossed over her chest.

"Everything okay over here?" Dazai asks with a curious tilt of his head.

"Oh…well, sort of," Atsushi murmurs, straightening out his apron. "Akutagawa's sick."

"Hmm…again, huh?" Dazai says with a little sigh. Yosano sighs too, like Atsushi has confirmed what she’s already thought. "Is it his cough?"

"Um…no, he's uh, throwing up," Atsushi explains meekly. He’s not sure what he means by his cough, but he’s sure Dazai knows more about Akutagawa than Atsushi does. He used to work over at the cafe with him, but he’s been in the restaurant with the rest of them for much longer than Akutagawa.

“He didn’t seem well before his lunch break, either. I told him to go home,” Yosano sighs. She doesn’t exactly have that kind of authority, but Kunikida tends to let her do what she wants. She’s been working at the restaurant longer than all of them.

"I see," Dazai sighs again with a pout. "Alright…I'll let Kunikida know, then."

Dazai wanders off to find Kunikida, even though Atsushi heard at least three tickets print out behind the bar while they were standing there.

“Thank you for checking on him, Atsushi,” Yosano says with an appreciative nod, and she heads in the opposite direction to check on her tables. Atsushi didn’t think it was really any trouble.

For the next hour or so, Atsushi feels like he's running around without a head, but he manages to get all of Akutagawa's tables cleared out, as well as his own.

But he doesn't see Akutagawa for the rest of that shift. He thinks he briefly sees Kunikida and Dazai talking with someone in the hall, but he can't be sure that was him.

"Atsushi," Kunikida says with a huff. He's holding the closed for cleaning sign, and he looks thoroughly annoyed. "Was this you?"

"Uhh…yes?" Atsushi says, caught red-handed upon entering the kitchen.

"We've gotten several complaints about the men's restroom being closed tonight. I assumed it was actually being cleaned, but apparently, the sign was put there for no reason," Kunikida huffs. "Care to explain?"

"I…well, you see -" Atsushi starts, but apparently, Kunikida doesn't have the time to hear him out.

"Either way, either you don't do this, or you fix it once it's not needed. Understand?" Kunikida says. He sounds like a disappointed father, which stings a bit more than it needs to, but Atsushi nods.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that during a rush. Or, in general," Atsushi admits awkwardly.

Kunikida gives him a sigh to acknowledge his apology before he walks off with the sign. Atsushi ducks his head and heads back to the salad bar to finish his closing tasks.

Yosano wanders over to help, apparently having finished early with her own tasks. Atsushi thanks here flipping the salad bar isn't easy to do on his own.

"You sure had a lot of tables today. Did you take Akutagawa's?" she asks him, her hands and eyes busy with their job.

"Oh, yeah…he asked me to," Atsushi says, deciding to lie to avoid being accused of being a vulture. "Have you…have you seen him?"

"Kunikida was talking to him earlier, but I don't think he went home. His bag is still here," Yosano says. Atsushi hadn't even thought of checking on that.

She did confirm he was here recently to talk to Kunikida. That's good. Atsushi was worried it was bad enough that he left early, which would be greatly concerning. If he's still around, Atsushi can give him the tips he's owed from the tables he had to leave behind.

Junichiro, on the register once again helps Atsushi close out and sort out his tips once he's done with his closing tasks. Atsushi held onto the receipts from Akutagawa’s tables, and sorts out what he owes him, reaching over to take a paperclip to keep the bills together. He decided to just round up to the nearest dollar.

"Can you set this aside for Akutagawa when he closes out?" Atsushi asks, handing Junichiro the folded cash.

Junichiro tilts his head. He doesn't take the money.

"I took over some of his tables during the rush. I just wanna make sure it gets to him," Atsushi explains, his hand still stretched out to Junichiro.

"You don't wanna give it to him?" Junichiro asks, sounding rather confused.

Atsushi hadn't really considered that. He's not really even sure where Akutagawa is hiding right now. “I feel like he wouldn’t take it from me.”

“I could say the same thing," Junichiro tells him, and he's probably right. Akutagawa wouldn't be happy at all to take something like that indirectly when he thinks they made a deal. Atsushi lowers his hands and stuffs the wad of cash into his apron pocket.

"Any idea where he is?" Atsushi asks.

Junichiro nods. "He's been at the cafe since Kunikida talked to him."

That makes sense. The cafe is closed around this time. He wonders if Kunikida sent him there to rest for a while. Atsushi is pretty sure his key works for the connecting door, and he heads for that direction.

He's able to unlock it and enter the cafe, only illuminated by the blue glow of the cake display case. Akutagawa is there - sitting at one of the back tables, Dazai stood next to him, a hand on his shoulder. Interesting. Akutagawa is slowly standing from a table in the corner, using the booth for leverage, not looking happy to see Atsushi in the slightest.

He wonders what they were talking about in there.

He expects some sort of random outburst from Dazai, but he doesn’t say much of anything, he just smiles at Atsushi as he heads for the door behind him. He gives him a little nod, and then he’s gone.

"You, uh, feel any better?" Atsushi asks a little awkwardly once Dazai is gone, making sure the door is shut behind him. He wants to take a few steps further, but for some reason, he doesn't.

"No," Akutagawa says with a huff, busying himself with folding up his apron, eyes averted. "Don't you have better things to do than to bother me?"

"C'mon, I'm trying to be nice," Atsushi huffs, forcing his hand in Akutagawa’s direction with the bills he had before he can chicken out. "Here."

Only then does Akutagawa look over at him. He lifts a brow. He looks confused.

"It's from your tables. When you got sick," Atsushi reminds him. He thought it was kind of obvious.

Akutagawa's shoulders drop and he huffs. He sets the apron down on the table. "I told you to keep them."

"They weren't my tables, though. And it's not like you got lazy and dropped them," Atsushi says. His hand is still stretched out. "I know you need the money. So take it."

"And who are you to make assumptions like that?" Akutagawa bites. Obviously, that's not an accusation most people like to hear. Akutagawa’s expression has changed from confused to completely pissed off. Atsushi realizes that’s probably a comment he could have kept to himself.

"'Cause I've never seen you call out sick even though you're sick all the time," Atsushi mumbles with a light shrug. "I've never seen you call out for anything."

"Neither have you," Akutagawa mumbles, like he has a point to make.

"Yeah, ‘cause I need the money," Atsushi says, proving his point in the end. He waves the money at him one more time, and Akutagawa finally steps forward to gingerly take it from him. He doesn’t look very happy about it, but if Atsushi had to guess, that has more to do with his pride than anything else.

"Thank you," Akutagawa says quietly, still holding the wad of cash like he's not sure if he really wants to accept it or not.

"No problem," Atsushi says. Sure, he almost lost his mind for a minute there, covering all of those tables on top of his own, but it all got done in the end. Akutagawa went out of his way to help Atsushi when he was sick a few weeks ago, so he doesn’t mind doing the same for him. “It’s the least I could do.”

Akutagawa ends up walking past him without another word, and he's out of the cafe, headed toward Junichiro to close out, with no parting words aside from a cough or two. Atsushi hopes he'll feel better soon. He's a little worried about him.

Atsushi ends up on the phone with Kyoka for a while, sitting in the cafe in the dark as everything slowly shuts down at the restaurant next door. She wanted his advice about an ongoing situation with her soccer team, and although Atsushi didn't find himself particularly helpful, she took enough away from his advice to feel satisfied.

"I shouldn't be too much longer. I'm sorry these keep going so late," Kyoka says with a quiet sigh.

"Don't worry, I don't mind," Atsushi says. He wants to be home as much as anyone else does, but in the end, it doesn't matter to him what time. As long as he gets to sleep. "I'll see you later, yeah? Just text me when you're headed out."

"I will. See you later," she says, and the line clicks.

By now, the restaurant is closed. He doesn't see any figures moving inside, and all of the lights have gone off by now. He figures he might as well go outside and wait.

Atsushi slips out of the back door of the cafe and locks it, surprised to find one last car in the parking lot. For a moment he thinks it's Kunikida's, but he knows this one a little too up close and personal - it's Akutagawa's.

Akutagawa is sitting on the pavement beside his car, leaning against the door, his head in his hands.

Atsushi doesn't have the heart to ignore him, especially now that he's already outside. He's a bit more concerned than he'd like to admit. He really hopes he's not crying.

"Hey," Atsushi starts as he walks over.

"Nakajima," Akutagawa grumbles, sounding like he's about to start scolding him. He lifts his head, and he's not crying, thankfully, but he looks awful, and frustrated. He looks just about as pale as the white tips of his hair.

"Can I drive you home or something? Or call an Uber for you?" Atsushi asks. He has to assume he's not feeling well to do it himself, hence why he's still here. Even Kunikida has already gone, and staying past Kunikida leaving is just unheard of.

"Why on earth would I let you do that?" he growls. He attempts to scramble to stand up, as if trying to prove he's been capable of it the entire time, but the action seems to make him dizzy enough that he has to use the car door handle to stay steady. He lays a hand over the side of his stomach, like the movement made him feel worse.

"Cause you did it for me a few weeks ago. Remember?" Atsushi asks. Akutagawa glares at him, not seeing his point, evidently. "You look awful. Let me help."

"I don't - I don't want your pity, Nakajima -" he breathes out, only seconds before he's sucked into a coughing fit. It nearly forces him back to the ground. Atsushi bites his lip at how painful it sounds. He leans heavily on the door for support.

“I’ll go get you some water or something,” Atsushi says, but Akutagawa’s coughs seem to have died down enough for him to get a word in.

“I don’t need water,” he mumbles, his voice now left scratchy and hoarse. “It’s not my throat.”

Atsushi isn’t entirely sure what he means by that. What else could it possibly be?

Akutagawa straightens himself out, like he’s trying to make himself look presentable despite everything. Atsushi doesn’t understand him at all. He can’t swallow his pride long enough to accept help from anyone, but he expects others to do the same.

He tries one last time.

“Either you give me your keys or I’m calling an Uber for you,” Atsushi says with an annoyed huff. “Your choice.”

Akuatagwa looks at him, this time not a glare, but more of a, you’re not going to let this go, are you?

Akutagawa pulls his keys out of his pocket and begrudgingly hands them to Atsushi, but just before Atsushi can take them, he pulls his hand back to his chest.

"I get awful motion sickness if I'm not driving," Akutagawa mumbles, his gaze averted, looking embarrassed to have to admit that.

"Well, at least it's your car. So I don't have room to complain if you puke," Atsushi offers. He appreciates the warning. He wonders if that’s the reason he hasn’t called an Uber for himself. “And, that stuff doesn’t really bother me, so don’t worry about it.”

And with that, Akutagawa finally hands him the keys.

Once they get in, Akutagawa enters his address into his phone while Atsushi is busy adjusting the seat and mirrors of the car, secretly trying to figure out how to start Akutagawa’s car without asking him. Eventually, Akutagawa’s just staring at him, wondering why he hasn’t done it already.

“It’s a push to start,” Akuatgawa says.

Atsushi doesn’t really know what that means. He’s only been in cars where you turn a key. This must be a new thing. He just meekly turns his head, secretly asking for more guidance. Akutagawa sighs.

“Foot on the break and hand on the button,” he says with a roll of his eyes.

Atsushi does just that, and miraculously, the car turns on. He’s impressed. All the keys are really good for is unlocking the car, then.

“Maybe I shouldn’t trust you driving my car,” Akutagawa grumbles, turnings his head toward the window. “You’re incredibly foolish.”

“Hey, I’m a great driver!” Atsushi defends. Akutagawa only hums, sounding completely unconvinced, but Atsushi is determined to prove he can drive just fine.

Akutagawa spends the rest of the drive completely silent, staring out the window as Atsushi drives him home. It’s not far at all from the restaurant, just about the same distance as Atsushi’s place, only in the opposite direction. Atsushi drives a little more carefully than he normally would, with the knowledge that Akutagawa gets car sick - but even so, he’s very obviously nauseous the entire time. He sees him in his peripheral a few times, pressing a hand against his temple. He wonders if he’s got a bad headache, too.

“Akutagawa?” Atsushi starts.

Akutagawa just slightly turns his head to let Atsushi know he’s listening.

“Was Dazai talking to you in there?” Atsushi says.

“Mhm,” he answers. Normally, he’d expect him to say something like, and why is that any of your business? But maybe hes too exhausted to be his usual defensive self.

“Can I ask about what?” Atsushi says. He doesn’t like to be nosey, at least not outwardly like this, he just thought it was strange - especially once Dazai left the cafe, without even a silly glance to spare.

“I have some health issues,” Akutagawa says quietly. He sounds ashamed, almost. “He was just…giving me some advice.”

Health issues, huh?

“Helpful advice, I hope?” Atsushi says.

“He…he can be, um…” Akutagawa starts, but he thinks his car sickness has already gotten to be too much. He leans his head back a bit and presses a fist up to his lips. Atsushi hears him swallow back. “Sorry, I…”

“Does laying the seat back help you? It helped me a little when you said it,” Atsushi suggests. He really thought for a moment there that Akutagawa was going to double over and throw up over the floor mat, but he takes Atsushi up on that suggestion, and lays back, his eyes shut for a while.

Atsushi approaches the parking garage - some fancy system where the gate scans the car’s plate and lets them in, proof enough that Akutagawa lives in a fairly nice building. That’s interesting. Atsushi was under the assumption that Akutagawa never took off work because he needed the money, but he has a nice car, and lives in a nice place, from the looks of it. Maybe it’s simply his pride? Atsushi doesn’t know.

Atsushi ends up parking on a high floor without many cars around, just in case he were to somehow hit another car in his attempt to park. Atsushi starts to say something, but the words are completely lost on his tongue when Akutagawa suddenly swings the car door open and nearly throws himself out. At first, Atsushi is in shock he was in that much of a hurry to get away from him, but he cranes his neck to find that Akutagawa is on his hands and knees gagging, vomit splattering onto the pavement below him.

Well, he did a good job holding off, at least.

Atsushi leaves his things in the car and just takes his keys with him before he turns to the other side. He imagines that Akutagawa wouldn’t want any comfort in this kind of situation, but Atsushi’s body acts before he can think that through. He kneels beside him and lays a gentle hand on his back. He’s surprised by how warm he feels, and that Akutagawa doesn’t make any attempts to get away from him.

He really doesn’t sound good. His retches sound painful, and Atsushi guesses with the way that he’s breathing that it feels that way too. He sucks in breaths like they’re hard to come by, and Atsushi hears that whimpering sound he heard from him last time, too. It has to hurt.

Atsushi just rubs his back as gently as he can. He’s tempted to make a joke about his driving, but he’s almost worried that Akuatagwa isn’t all there. He looks like he’s so worn out that he’ll pass out any second.

It’s been long enough since he’s brought something up that Atsushi thinks he should be done, so Atsushi helps him sit back on his heels out of fear that he might fall forward.

His eyes are glassy and completely unfocused, a look he’s familiar with. Kyoka used to get out-of-the-blue fevers where her eyes would look just like this, and Atsushi’s surprised he hadn’t put together the pieces already. He takes Akuatgawa’s wrist to help him stand up, something he’s hardly able to do, and Atsushi reaches his free hand out toward his forehead to confirm his suspicion. It’s hot, and his skin is clammy.

He's really starting to worry about him, now.

"You have a fever," Atsushi mumbles, although Akuatagwa must be aware of that if he feels anywhere near as awful as he looks.

“I’m fine,” he croaks. His tone sounds wobbly, not at all convincing.

Atsushi doesn’t let go of his wrist. He’ll crumple to the ground if he does.

“What’s your apartment number?” Atsushi asks him. He’s almost wondering if he should be proactive and just hook an arm around his waist.

“Twenty… twenty-two sixteen,” Akutagawa mumbles.

Atsushi is glad he got that out of him, because just a second later, his eyes roll backward and his knees buckle beneath him, rather gracefully making his descent to the pavement.

Shit.

Atsushi catches him before his knees can hit the ground, but whether he’s completely unconscious or not, he’s so out of it that it doesn’t matter. His eyes are just half-lidded, and he’s so faint and hot that Atsushi isn’t sure how he even managed half of a conversation earlier in the car.

And he thinks it says enough that Akutagawa gave him his apartment number without a single argument. He must have known he was about to pass out.

All Atsushi has to do is shift his position a bit before he’s carrying Akutagawa in his arms, something he would have never dreamed of doing this morning, he’d imagine - but there’s no other way to help him. He’s really, really sick. Atsushi can’t leave him here. He knows he has a sister, but has no way to contact her - and even if he did, what if she’s not home? What if she’s asleep? Do they even live together?

“I wonder if you’d do this for me,” Atsushi mumbles once he steps inside the elevator, crouching down to lean Akutagawa against the wall. He’s twenty-two floors up, which is kind of insane. Akutagawa doesn’t respond to his comment. His head rolls to the side, and he looks a little more awake, now, but not nearly enough to walk on his own, he doesn’t think. “You still with me? Akutagawa?”

Akutagawa doesn’t give any sign that he’s conscious enough to respond, other than a quiet, pained groan. Atsushi frowns. He wonders how this happened so quickly. Maybe it was the car sickness or the throwing up that tired him out so much, but he’s certain he’s been dealing with this fever the whole time. It can’t be that it just came out of nowhere. Has his body just given up now that he knows he’s almost home?

Once they get to close enough to the floor they need to be on, Atsushi scoops Akutagawa back in his arms and slips out of the elevator, searching for the number Akutagawa gave him, before eventually finding it. Akutagawa has a keycard for this on his keys, Atsushi thinks, and he manages to pull it out of his pocket and press it against the lock without having to set Akutagawa down. Kyoka would be impressed, he thinks.

This is a nice place. A gorgeous view, too. Atsushi takes a bit too long to admire everything. Nice, sleek furniture, minimal decorating, and a fancy television over a fake fireplace. Ridiculously clean, too, almost like a film set. He really never expected Akutagawa to live in a place like this.

At the end of the hallway, Atsushi notices an open bedroom door, and he heads there to set Akutagawa down on the bed. He’s as careful and gentle as he can think to be, but still, there’s no reaction from him, nothing enough for Atsushi to feel better about this situation. He just relaxes a bit, his face doesn’t look so tense, but he still very obviously feels horrible.

There’s that quiet, pained whimper again, and the tension bleeds back into his face. Atsushi is concerned about the sweat forming along his hairline. He really isn’t sure how high that fever is, but it’s definitely not something low-grade.

What does Atsushi do now? He can’t just leave him here while he’s so sick, but what right does Atsushi have to stay here and take care of him? Is that crossing a line?

Atsushi takes his phone out in a panic, remembering he was waiting on a text from Kyoka.

Luckily, the text was only from a few minutes ago. Atsushi quickly types up a response.

Well, now he’s just straight-up lied. Explaining this situation to her is a little too much for him to want to type up over text.

He hears a groan from Akutagawa, and he turns his body just a bit, laying an arm over his middle. Atsushi watches him for a few moments, but Akutagawa doesn’t seem to take in Atsushi’s presence at all. He coughs a few times and finally opens his eyes a bit, but still, nothing.

Atsushi’s heart sinks. He really looks awful. Part of him is almost wondering if he should take him to a hospital, but he can’t do that without his permission. That would definitely be crossing a line.

He wanders into an adjacent room that he assumes to be a bathroom, and he’s right - it’s just as clean and fancy as the rest of the place - and Atsushi finds a small stack of wash clothes in a basket. He takes one, wets it, and wrings some of the water out, figuring that’s a good place to start.

When he walks back into the room, he’s completely frozen, because there’s another person that wasn’t there before. A girl wearing an oversized shirt and shorts to sleep, with long, dark hair, leaned over Akutagawa’s unconscious form, brushing the hair out of his face. She has to be the sister he mentioned.

She turns, or rather, jerks her head around when she hears the squeak of the bathroom door, and Atsushi very quickly realizes that she has a knife in her hand, and her wild eyes have found her target.

The girl looks terrified. Atsushi can’t blame her, there’s a stranger in her apartment and her brother is unconscious.

"Hey, I - I'm sorry. I'm just - I'm one of his coworkers," he says, bringing his hands up beside his head, the washcloth still gripped in one of them. She’s still very on edge, but the tension melts from her shoulders after she looks him over. She seems to take note of the apron, and hopefully takes that as a sign that he’s telling the truth.

"Nakajima?" she asks nervously.

Atsushi blinks. "Um, yeah."

"Why…why are you here?" she asks. Atsushi is still stuck on the fact that she knows his name, or knows enough about him to connect whatever dots she has.

"Oh, uh…he just - he wasn't feeling well. Or, well enough to drive himself home," Atsushi murmurs, his hands still up, because she’s still gripping the knife. "So, uh, I offered."

The girl seems to realize in that moment that she’s still holding a knife in her hand and quickly sets it on the nightstand with a meek apology, and Atsushi lowers his hands with a sigh of relief. He didn’t think she was going to start stabbing him, but he can never be sure. He’s never met her.

“Has he been sick all day?” she asks, briefly turning her head back to her brother.

“I only did the evening shift today, but - he’s been sick since I got there, yeah,” Atsushi nods, taking a few cautious steps closer, reaching a hand out to give her the washcloth. She takes it gratefully and gently lays it over her brother’s forehead. “I just noticed the fever once we got here, but…he’s thrown up twice, I think. And, he passed out in the parking lot. He's been…like this since then. Completely out of it."

She says something quiet to him as she lays a hand on his cheek. Atsushi doesn’t quite catch it. He wonders if it might be his first name, and Atsushi realizes he doesn’t even know the initial of it.

“I’m so sorry. He can be really difficult sometimes,” she says with a little sigh. Atsushi didn’t mention anything about that, but maybe she just assumes he’s had to deal with his difficult nature at some point during all of this, and that’s definitely true. “Do you have somewhere to be?”

Atsushi shakes his head. “Not really, but I can - ”

"You can stay the night if you want to. I can drive you wherever you need to be in the morning," she says. “It’s pretty late.”

Atsushi has to agree on that. It has gotten late, and Ubers around this time tend to be more expensive than necessary - and he would never ask her to go out of her way to drive him home at this time. He doesn’t mind staying, especially since Kyoka’s not home. Atsushi nods.

She leads him out to the couch and quickly admits she has no idea how to pull it out into a bed, but Atsushi insists he doesn’t mind, it’s a far nicer couch than the one he has at home, and definitely wide enough to comfortably sleep someone. She gets a sheet and blanket for him and asks him if he’d like a change of clothes to sleep in, which he agrees to, but realizes a little too late that he would be wearing Akutagawa’s clothes.

Black sweatpants and a black shirt - sounds about right for someone like him. The shirt has a faded word on it with letters that he can’t entirely make out, but it says something like Rashomon, he thinks. He tries not to think too much about the fact that he’s wearing his clothes.

“I’m so sorry. I never introduced myself,” she says with an apologetic bow of her head as she hands him an extra pillow. “I’m Gin. Ryuunosuke’s sister.”

Ryuunosuke, huh? It’s kind of a pretty name. Not as harsh as his last name. It suits him, he thinks.

“It’s nice to meet you, Gin. I’m sorry all this happened,” Atsushi says with a sigh. “I’m Atsushi. Nakajima.”

“Please don’t apologize. I’m thankful you were kind enough to help him,” she says quietly.

Gin tells him goodnight and disappears into the room with her brother as Atsushi lays his head down. He’s got a bit of a headache. Maybe he’s stressed himself out with everything going on. He’s sure it’ll fade once he’s rested his head for a while.

Is he all that kind, even? He’s sure anyone else would have done this for Akutagawa. He’s just more likely to today because he’s repaying a favor, he thinks.

He hopes Akutagawa will feel better in the morning.

…

Normally, Atsushi wakes up around five in the morning. It’s a habit he picked up from growing up in an orphanage. But today, he checks his phone the moment he wakes up, and realizes it’s almost nine. He has to be at work at ten, so he’s not too worried about the timing, but he’s never slept in this late.

He sits himself up and stretches his arms out with a yawn, and sees Gin in the kitchen.

“Do you like coffee? I can make you some,” she says. He wonders how she turned out to be so kind, compared to her incredibly rude brother. He’d imagine that he would pour water over his face for oversleeping on his couch.

“Oh - that’d be great, thanks,” he nods, swinging his legs over the side. He doesn’t see any sign of Akutagawa around, so hopefully he’s still resting.

They have a fancy coffee machine, too. Atsushi’s a little jealous. He usually just does pour-overs. Gin walks over with a quickly made cup of coffee for him and sets it on the coffee table. Atsushi thanks her and bows his head before he takes it into his hands.

"Do you need to be at work?" she asks. Atsushi didn’t notice until now, but she looks exhausted. Atsushi didn’t have that impression last night. He wonders how long she’s been up for.

Atsushi nods. "I can take an Uber, I don't want to inconvenience you -"

"It's the least I can do to thank you for looking out for him," Gin says. “I don’t mind.”

Atsushi appreciates the thought. He did kind of go a lot further out of his way than he expected himself to, but he doesn’t expect to be paid back for it. He’s just repaying Akutagawa from a few weeks ago, that’s all.

"Is he still asleep?" Atsushi asks after taking a few sips of his coffee.

Gin shakes her head, looking a little confused. "I took him to the hospital a few hours ago. We didn’t wake you?”

Atsushi's heart drops into his stomach. The hospital?

“N-no, I don’t - I don’t think I woke up at all,” Atsushi stammers. He’s a heavy sleeper, normally. “The hospital? Is he okay? What happened?”

"He's there all the time," she says casually, but there’s a hint of concern in her voice that she’s trying to hide. "His lungs don't work the way they're supposed to, and won't take his oxygen to work, so…sometimes he runs into issues. He was having some trouble breathing.”

Atsushi almost feels nauseous himself, now. Akutagawa told him last night that he has some health issues, some that apparently Dazai knows about. But he didn’t know that he was supposed to be on oxygen therapy.

“But, he's not critical or anything, so don't worry too much," she says. "He'll just need to be on oxygen for a while and IV fluids too, since he was so sick…he'll be okay."

Atsushi feels terrible. He's starting to realize it's pretty likely that she only left him because she said she would take him to where he needed to be in the morning. He already offered to take an Uber, but Gin has come all the way back here, and he doesn't want it to be for nothing.

"I won't be long. And I don't mind getting to work early. That way you can get back to him faster," Atsushi says, scrambling to stand up and fold the sheets he was given. Gin hides it well. She's learned to be casual about it. But Atsushi knows he'd be out of his mind if he had to take his sister to the hospital. It can't be easy on her conscience.

“Oh, it’s okay. I have school to get to, actually,” Gin says.

Atsushi shrinks when she says that. He didn’t know she was in school. Atsushi himself is eighteen, and she looks to be around the same age as him. Maybe she just started. It makes sense, considering the time of year.

“You don’t need to go back to him?” he asks.

“He’s okay, really. He’s fully conscious and everything, just a little out of it. It’s always the chest pains that are so bad for him, but they’ve passed for now,” Gin says, probably realizing that Atsushi is worrying about Akutagawa being by himself. “I’d…I’d like to go back to him, but, I’ve skipped school so many times to stay with him that they’ve threatened to kick me out.”

That almost makes Atsushi feel worse. He didn’t have any idea that Akutagawa was really that sick. He’s always poked fun at him for having a terrible immune system, when really, it’s been something else entirely.

“I can go stay with him, if you want. If you’re worried,” Atsushi says meekly.

“I think you’re more worried than I am,” Gin says with a little half-smile, and Atsushi feels his face start to get hot. “He’s okay, I promise. I was planning on picking him up after school, that way he has plenty of time to rest at the hospital.”

Atsushi is having a hard time accepting this whole thing. Surely, Gin isn’t exaggerating. She’s obviously used to this, hence not being concerned, but Atsushi didn’t have any idea that Akutagawa made regular trips to the hospital.

“Please don’t worry about him. My brother can handle himself, I promise,” she says kindly. The warmth in her words puts his heart at ease, and he gives up.

Soon enough, he's back at the restaurant, and Akutagawa is on his mind the rest of the day.

…

Three days later, Akutagawa walks in the door for their morning shift, and Atsushi has never been so relieved to see him. It's a strange feeling. He's just glad he's okay, he thinks that's a normal thought to have for someone who was so ill last he saw him.

Akuatagwa has a crossbody satchel on, which Atsushi doesn't think much of at first, until he sees oxygen tubing traveling up to loop at his nose.

He's a little startled to see that, but he remembers Gin mentioning that he’s supposed to be on oxygen therapy, but won’t wear it to work. He wonders what changed his mind. He wonders why he never wore it to begin with.

He looks okay. Not good by a long shot. There are some hints that he hasn't slept well. His hair is a little out of place, the circles under his eyes are a bit darker than normal. His shoulders look tense, but Atsushi can’t place why,

He’s sitting at the booth closest to the kitchen entrance, and he has his apron laid out on the table and all of its contents laid out, looking busy organizing.

"Hey," Atsushi says meekly. He's almost sure Akutagawa will hiss at him, but he just looks up - defeated, really - before he looks back down. Atsushi's heart sinks. He really does feel guilty. He's sure Akutagawa didn't want anyone to see him like that, let alone Atsushi. "I didn't, uh…I didn't mean to like, invade your space or anything. But I didn't want to leave you alone."

"It's fine," Akutagawa says quietly. He's laying out his pens, placing them in order by brand. "I'm going back into working at the cafe."

"You are?" Atsushi says. Why does he feel a pang of disappointment? He shouldn't care. It's just Akutagawa. "Why?"

"I have to keep my oxygen on me," he mumbles, laying a hand over the bag. "It's too inconvenient to do as a server."

"I mean, I'm sure we could figure something out. Have you asked Kunikida? Maybe he -"

Akutagawa shakes his head.

"It's fine, Nakajima," Akutagawa says once again. He's sure he's spoken to Kunikida already. Atsushi realizes he's just cleaning out his apron because he won't need it anymore. He'll be using the cafe apron now.

Atsushi sees why it'd be inconvenient to wear it as a server. They work in tight spaces and there's so much running around, and lots of opportunity for the tubing to get caught or tangled. He sighs to himself. He wishes there was an easier way.

He thinks back to Gin’s mention of his chest pains, and wonders if he was dealing with that the whole time, just the other day, and it all comes together in his head. Dazai used to work at the cafe with him. Maybe he’s realized a change in Akutagawa since working at the restaurant, related to his health. He might be the one who convinced him to go back.

"Thank you," Akutagawa says suddenly.

"For what?" Atsushi blinks.

He sighs. "The other day."

"Oh…I mean, it's fine. It wasn't any trouble," Atsushi says. He really didn't mind it. He feels more guilty about it than anything.

"It was. Don't lie," Akutagawa mumbles. "You took over my tables during a rush when you had a full section, and drove me home in my own car without any way to get home yourself."

"But you did it for me, too."

"I took one table from you and drove you home in my own car," Akutagawa says, and Atsushi doesn't see the drastic difference until now. "I owe you."

"You don't have to owe me anything," Atsushi says with a sigh, sitting across from him at the booth. "It doesn't matter to me if the scales weren't even. It all got done and you're okay now, and that's all that matters, so."

He feels his cheeks heat up a little when he says that, and he's not entirely sure why.

"If you insist," Akutagawa mumbles, almost looking embarrassed to hear that.

Soon enough, Atsushi is whisked away by Kunikida to start his morning tasks, and that's the last time Atsushi sees Akutagawa working in the restaurant.

…

A week and a half later, Atsushi finally gets the courage to go into the cafe on his lunch break. Akutagawa left behind one of his notebooks in the locker he used, and Atsushi might be using it as an excuse to see him. Sure, the cafe is right next door, but he feels awkward going there without reason.

“Where’s my kitty going? I really should get you microchipped!” Dazai says, pulling at Atsushi’s apron string as he approaches the cafe door.

“Gross, don’t say that!” Atsushi whines, pulling his apron string back to retie it with one hand before Dazai takes it again and does it for him. “I was just…just giving something back to someone.”

“To Akutagawa?” Dazai asked.

“Y…yeah, his notebook,” Atsushi mumbles. Akutagawa’s words from the car the other week has been on his mind. “Dazai, were you…did you convince him to go back to working at the cafe?”

“Why? Do you miss him?” Dazai asks, tilting his head with a sinister smile as he finishes retying Atsushi’s apron.

“Don’t change the subject!” Atsushi groans.

“Advised would be a better choice of words, I think,” Dazai says. “He’s been working at the cafe much longer than you’ve been here in the restaurant, Atsushi. I’ve known him a long time. His health has declined quite a bit since starting here.”

Atsushi frowns. He’s sure without all of the context he recently learned, that would make no sense, but it makes perfect sense right now. “Because he’s not bringing the oxygen with him?”

“Exactly.” Dazai nods. “The cafe is a way lower-stress job, and he can wear the oxygen without any issue. It’ll be better for him.”

“Why’d he come over here, anyway?” Atsushi asks. He’s not sure if he’s crossing a line there or not.

“The pay as a server is better, for sure. He’s been trying to pay off some hospital bills and help his sister through school,” Dazai says, his voice much softer this time, only wanting Atsushi to hear the answer to his question. Atsushi’s heart hurts. Gin says that he’s often hospitalized, but paying off hospital bills puts it into another perspective.

“I didn’t know he was sick, Dazai,” Atsushi mumbles, leaning against the bar counter with a soft sigh.

“He didn’t want you to know. That’s not your fault,” Dazai assures him. He’s not usually the type to give advice or comfort, but when he does, Atsushi ends up feeling a lot better about things - this time, though, he’s just left more confused. Why would Akutagawa want to keep that from him? Atsushi would pick on him for being sick all the time. Wouldn’t he want to defend himself?

“I guess so,” he murmurs, still feeling rather dejected. It’s guilt, that’s what he feels.

“Thanks for looking out for him.” Dazai says with a strangely genuine looking smile. Atsushi wants to ask him what exactly he means by that, but ever conveniently, Kunikida is shouting his name from the kitchen, and he prances away.

Atsushi faces the cafe door, and gingerly enters.

Their door opens right to the front counter of the cafe. The larger lights have been turned off, and the open sign is facing the inside. The cafe always closes on the restaurant’s dead hour, around three or four in the afternoon, so he already knew they would be closed. Hopefully Akutagawa is still here.

He turns to face the counter, and sees someone wiping down the outside of the display case that he isn’t expecting.

"Oh, hey, Gin!" Atsushi says cheerfully upon seeing her, and she waves at him, standing up. She’s wearing a mask, and her hair is up, but her eyes are very recognizable. He didn't have any idea that she was working here. "You work here, too?"

"Just part-time. I go to school," she says with a nod.. “How are you? Do you need something?”

Atsushi peers to the back for a moment and doesn’t see who he’s looking for. There’s a blond woman and I guy with a bandaid on his nose that he doesn’t recognize, but no Akutagawa. “Oh, I’m - I’m good! Just, uh…”

“Looking for Ryuunosuke?” she asks with a tilt of her head. “He’s here. I can get him, if you want.”

“Oh, no, that’s - that’s okay,” Atsushi says, awkwardly setting the notebook down on the counter. He’s not sure why he’s so nervous. He did want to give it to Akutagawa himself, so he could see him, but he supposes he’ll just leave it with Gin.

“Nakajima.”

He hears his voice coming from the back of the cafe, and he walks up to the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. Gin watches him approach before she disappears into the back.

"Hey, Akutagawa," Atsushi says a little awkwardly. He's surprised that Akutagawa doesn't make a displeased face upon seeing him. He gestures to the notebook he’s left on the counter. "I think this one's yours. I found it where we hang all our bags."

"Oh…thank you," he says. He only looks it over, he doesn’t reach for it. "I didn't get to put that one to very good use."

"You off already?" Atsushi asks.

Akutagawa nods. "We're closing."

There's a blonde woman behind him that Atsushi doesn't quite recognize. He's not familiar with the cafe staff at all, really. She looks suspicious of Atsushi’s presence. He sees a hint of the other guy and Gin in the back for a moment, but they quickly vanish to where Atsushi can’t see them.

"Are you Nakajima?" she asks. Akutagawa sighs.

Atsushi blinks. He’s not quite sure what her intentions are. "Uh, yeah?"

She eyes narrow, and she crosses her arms. "Hm. You need a haircut."

"Higuchi."

"Sorry, sir!" she says. She scurries to the back where the rest of them have disappeared to without a second to waste. Atsushi pats at his hair. He knows it’s not the best haircut, but he does it himself to save money.

“I’m sorry about her,” Akuatagawa mumbles. "Your hair looks fine."

"Sir? You the manager or something?" Atsushi asks, that comment just now catching up as he lowers his hands back to the counter.

"Yes," he sighs.

"Whoa, seriously? I was joking," he says with a breathy laugh. That’s cool.

"Do you think I'm not capable?" Akutagawa questions, his eyes narrowing suspiciously, not looking very happy with what he’s said.

"Hey, whoa, I didn't say that!" Atsushi defends. “I just didn’t think you’d say yes.”

“I was an assistant manager before. They offered me a higher position to come back,” he says, his voice lowering a bit.

Atsushi nods to show understanding - maybe that had something to do with Dazai. He wonders if Dazai was the manager before he left to work at the restaurant, and now Akutagawa’s taken over the position.

"Can I make you something?" Akutagawa asks, turning to the inside of the counter.

"Huh? Me?" Atsushi asks.

"Is there anyone behind you?" he teases when he turns his head.

"Uhh…no," he murmurs awkwardly. "I don't really drink coffee after the morning, actually. But thank you. I think."

"Tea?" he asks.

"Oh…yeah, sure. Tea's good."

Akutagawa nods. "I prefer it as well."

Atsushi feels awkward, standing at the counter as Akutagawa makes tea for him, completely unprompted. It’s very nice of him. Too nice, almost. Maybe he still secretly feels like he owes Atsushi something, he isn’t sure, but either way, Atsushi will take it. He looks over the notebook. It’s nicer than all of the ones Atsushi uses.

“Is it cool if I ask you something?” Atsushi says, his fingers tracing the edge of the notebook.

“If you must,” Akutagawa says plainly as he stirs what he’s poured.

“How come you didn’t tell me you were sick?” Atsushi says. “I feel bad. I was always messing with you about your immune system, but that wasn’t it at all. I would’ve stopped if I knew.”

Akutagawa is quiet for a moment, stirring a bit longer than he needs to, probably.

“I didn’t mind it. Everyone but you knew,” Akutagawa says with a gentle sigh. “You didn’t treat me like I was fragile.”

Atsushi’s heart sinks. That seems to be something weighing heavily on his mind all the time, Atsushi can tell by the way he says it - and it makes sense. Even now, as he knows, Atsushi finds himself worrying a lot more than he ever would.

“I can…I can keep doing that. If you want,” Atsushi says. Sure, he doesn’t think he really could. He can’t go back to not knowing. He doesn’t even know what exactly is wrong with Akutagawa.

“That would be nice,” Akutagawa says, but the half smile on his face that fades just as quickly as it came, and the tone of his voice - he knows that can’t just happen. He turns his face away, and Atsushi’s focus goes back to the notebook. He opens the cover, just to see if Akutagawa ever even used it, and he finds a loose note of mismatched paper on the inside.

I can get you his number if you want ;) here's mine, txt me & lmk if you ever want it ! XO

It's Yosano's handwriting.

What on earth? Who could she be talking about? Did Akutagawa have a crush on somebody working at the restaurant? Was Yosano trying to help set him up?

Before he can even think about asking, the cover of the notebook is shut on Atsushi’s hand, earning him a tiny ow, and Akutagawa’s hand presses it inside. Atsushi looks up, expecting him to look angry, but he looks scared, for some reason, like a deer caught in the headlights. Atsushi sees his cheeks start to turn a deep shade of pink. Atsushi is almost concerned he might pass out.

“Well, you’ve gotta tell me now,” Atsushi says as soon as Akutagawa takes his notebook back and slides it into his own apron, his stare now looking confused. “Whose number?”

Akutagawa blinks, and turns away. He pours the tea he’s made for Atsushi into one of the cups they use to serve in-house customers, but he keeps it where it is on the adjacent counter.

"Is it Dazai?" Atsushi asks.

Akutagawa huffs. "My god, no."

"Junichiro?" Atsushi asks. Less likely, but Junichiro seems to like Akutagawa.

Akutagawa glares at him, that same strange look of confusion seeping into his expression. Atsushi guesses no, but as he ponders that strange look on his face, he starts to realize who it might be, and his cheeks start to feel hot, too.

"No, it's you, you absolute moron,” Akutagawa mumbles, setting the cup of tea down in front of Atsushi so hard that some of it spills into the counter, before he backs up to lean against the adjacent one, arms crossed over his chest and head turned away. That pink has only gotten more red.

"Me?" Atsushi confirms.

"Yes."

"You want my number?" Atsushi asks, pointing at himself, just in case Akutagawa somehow got it mixed up.

"Please don't make me say it again," Akutagawa mumbles, pressing his hands up to his temples.

“Okay, but, it’s not ‘cause you have a crush on me, right? It’s ‘cause - um…maybe, because, you…” Atsushi murmurs, trying to think of another explanation, but Akutagawa drops his hands and glares at him again, silently telling him that he was right the first time.

It all makes sense, really. His abrasive additude, his willingness to help when something was really wrong. His acceptance of help when he himself really needed it. Atsushi would have never seen it himself, but in hindsight, he gets it.

Atsushi takes out his notebook and starts scribbling something on one of the pages before he tears it out. It’s not pretty, but it’s legible.

“Maybe you should…”

Akutagawa stops whatever he’s saying once Atsushi sets the sheet down on the counter - a piece of paper with his phone number on it. Atsushi is kind of acting on impulse. He has no idea if he really likes Akutagawa back, but apparently, his body sure knows the answer.

Akuatagwa stares at it, wide-eyed, like he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

“Your handwriting is terrible.”

“Take it or leave it!” Atsushi whines, even more embarrassed than before, but Akutagawa takes it in his hand before Atsushi even finishes his weak threat.

Atsushi hears his name from the cafe. He can’t tell whose voice it is through the glass, but he’s not actually on his break right now, he’s supposed to be cleaning. What awful timing.

Atsushi grabs the door handle, for some reason, unable to drop his eye contact with Akutagawa, who’s still holding that piece of paper.

“I better - I better get a text from an unknown number later,” Atsushi says with a huff. Akuatagwa averts his gaze, and Atsushi can only hope that that’s a yes.

Atsushi turns his head when he hears his name again, and presses against the door for a second.

“Nakajima,” Akutagawa says, and Atsushi turns around almost right away. He looks him dead in the eye, wondering what he’ll say next, but his eyes drop down to the counter. “Your tea.”

“Oh - right, right, I’m sorry. Uhm…thanks, for this,” Atsushi stammers on as awkwardly as he possibly could, taking it into both hands out of fear of dropping it. He has his back leaned against the door and opens it that way, hoping Akutagawa will say something else, just to save from how awkward he ended that.

Akutagawa smiles, like he’s amused. Of course he is. Bastard.

“Hurry up and go now, you fool.”

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