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espinosaurusrexex · 2 months

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Remember Me

WinterSoldier!BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader

summary: After a fight against the most notorious Hydra agent of all, Steve and you discover that your assumed diseased friend Bucky is still alive. Old wounds resurface as you are confronted with the grappling reality that you have lived vastly different lives for the past 70 years. Will he remember your shared history? And most importantly: does he still feel the same?

word count: 3.1k

a/n: Just a short piece that I managed to finish. I know it's not a lot, but I hope you enjoy anyway 💕

warnings: a bunch of fluff and angst, mentions of war, mentions of sexism, swearing, Bucky is really broken in this one, happy ending (:

･ﾟ✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ｡✭･ﾟ

“Proceed with caution, unidentified shooter on bridge. I repeat: unidentified shooter. It is not clear what the motive is. Take cover and shoot on sight.”

“Dispatch, this is Captain America - we’ll take it from here.”

“With all due respect, Cap, I will keep my men on site to keep your cover.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Least I can do for you, sir.”

“Stop chatting it up with the police and do your job, Rogers.”

“Alright, alright.”

You chuckled and turned to Tony. “How long are we out?”

“Three minutes, 46 seconds.”

“You gonna survive that long, Stevie?”

“That guy’s got a good aim on him, gotta give him that.”

Muffled noises pushed through your earpiece before you stepped into the back of the Quinjet to gear up.

“Can’t let him do anything. It’s one guy they’re fighting... one.”

“Yeah, one Hydra-trained assassin who’s apparently immortal and got more deaths on his record than Romanoff.”

You huffed as the meeting recollected in your mind. The Winter Soldier had been the newest pain in the Avenger’s asses ever since you discovered that Hydra was still operating in the shadows of S.H.I.E.L.D.

“They’re just making a show out of everything, huh?”

You strapped your gloves over your wrists and watched as Tony chuckled in the pilot seat. You and him had become good friends over the past few years. Ever since you and Steve had been discovered in the frozen airship of what you had thought to be your last mission about 70 years ago, you and Captain America had woken up in a vastly different world. One through which Howard’s son, Tony, gladly guided you.

Both you and Steve were overwhelmed by the amount of changes the world had endured while you had soundly served your time as human popsicles, though Captain America seemed to struggle a little more with 21st-century technology and norms.

It was fine, Steve had always been a little old-fashioned, even back in the day. You for one were delighted to learn about all the opportunities the world had to offer for women and other people who couldn’t have dreamed of any in the 40s. Because while Steve was celebrated for being the face of hope for the American people, you were still dodging snide comments doubting your place in the Army. And while you tried not to let anyone see the toll it took on you, it was the reason for enough nights you spent with Peggy sharing stories over a bottle of wine.

You both decided the important men in your life should never find out. Though, of course, your not-so-secret didn’t stay hidden from Bucky for long. Which was one of the reasons you had jumped on that plane with Steve. Even when Bucky was already dead. Even when Steve was still oblivious. You constantly needed to prove yourself. But this one time, it had actually changed something – well, time had.

You shook your head free of that thought and walked towards the cargo hatch. Tony had landed the Quinjet – it was go time.

“Ready?”

“That guy won’t know what happened to him when we’re done with him.”

“Let’s rock his world, then,” Tony winked before his helmet closed and he flew out of the jet. You were close behind him, running the short distance from the ramp to the bridge from which you swung yourself off with a grappling hook.

“What’s the status?”

“I’ve been shot.”

“I’ve got it, Bearcat check on Steve. He looks ridiculously helpless.”

“Roger that,” you sprinted towards the two fighting men on the street, as the Winter soldier threw Steve to the ground, his shield nowhere to be seen.

“Okay, my turn.” You stepped in front of him, analyzing his movements, and dodging punches, trying to get some in yourself.

“Oh come on, that’s not fair.” You huffed when he took a knife out of your leg holster and almost acrobatically threw it over your head just to graze your cheek with the blade.

He had knocked off your guns at this point, leaving you with choking wire and some smaller daggers in your jacket. When he turned the right angle, you jumped his shoulders and locked your thighs around his neck, kicking the knife out of his hand and watching as he ripped your choking wire in half. Damn.

“Now, that’s not nice.” You threw the torn metal to the side as The winter soldier struggled to get you off him. A look to Steve told you he had a new plan, and with a short nod, you signaled your understanding to him.

“But if you wanna be like that...” Steve threw you his shield and in a swift motion you managed to drag it over the soldier's head. He pushed his metal arm forward just in time, though your hit had already knocked the mask off his face.

When the shield came down, you heard Steve’s footsteps halt next to you, the world going quiet.

Your stomach churned when you watched blue eyes twitch between the dark smudges. Familiar and oh-so strange at the same time.

“Bucky?” Steve stammered, and at the sound of his name, goosebumps rippled over your skin.

The Winter Soldier’s look darkened before he reached for a gun. “Who the hell is Bucky?”

From then on, the day seemed like a blur. You remembered Sam knocking Bucky down and the lot of you flying back to the compound on standby. Steve was functioning a lot better than you were, considering the man you thought to be dead for over 70 years was currently handcuffed to a handrail on your jet.

James “Bucky” fucking Barnes. Captain America’s best friend, founding member of the howling commandos, infamous war hero apparently turned assassin, and the man who stole your heart somewhere along the way.

You dared a glance at the chained-up, unconscious brunette in the corner as Steve sat down next to you, a calming hand squeezing your shoulder.

“Can I get you anything?”

You ignored him. “How are you not freaking out?” You whispered through glassy eyes instead.

Steve’s expression softened when he pulled you into his chest, his other hand pressing your head further into him. His heart was hammering beneath his ribcage, his fingers cold to the touch.

“I am. Just trying to be a captain.” His voice was strained when he mumbled into your hair.

You just nodded in understanding, finding comfort in the fact you weren’t the only one feeling this way.

❁ ❁ ❁

You watched him through the glass of the interrogation room with your arms crossed before your chest. Buck was sitting at the table, his head hung low, his dark hair falling in wet stands into his face. He didn’t move a muscle. For half an eternity, he stared at the table his wrists were chained to, almost statue-like. But when he finally looked up, you could see the confusion and nervousness in his ocean-blue eyes.

They had given him time to recover, to shower, and feel like a human again. They forced him into normal clothes and offered him a bed to sleep. But it wasn’t enough. The man you were looking at was terrified and lost - exhausted and overwhelmed.

Bucky visibly tensed when the door opened and Steve stepped into his sight. They spent the next hour reconstructing his past. Steve told him how he had ended up in the 21st century and by the end of their conversations, the tension was a lot less static.

“She’s alive,” Bucky stated and tore his eyes away from Steve to look at the one-way glass.

“She’s a tough one. Survived the crash without super soldier serum and came out of the ice just as unharmed as I did.”

“What are the odds?” Bucky chuckled bitterly. “What are the fucking odds we all end up together again?”

Steve only gifted his friend a sympathetic smile along with a squeeze to his shoulder. “Take it as a chance.”

“Feels like a punishment.”

They were locking eyes and even though you were watching the interaction from the outside, you could feel the atmosphere turn somber. The men were staring at each other in silence for a while, though you knew there was an entire discussion happening in their eyes.

“Does she... does she want to see me?” Bucky’s voice was hesitant and broken. And you couldn’t help but somehow imagine a different question nestled in his words.

You almost had to stop yourself from touching the glass with your hands, wanting to tell him that you were already seeing him - really seeing him.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Steve stood and with a last smile to Bucky, he exited the room.

This was it. The door was open. The love of your life sitting only a few feet from it. Though it seemed like he was trapped inside another’s body.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Steve murmured as he stood in the doorway looking at you by the window. And you just nodded, trying to suppress your pulse rushing in your ears.

“Thanks.” It was only a whisper. You weren’t used to your voice being this small. And Steve didn’t seem so either. He was looking at you with sad eyes, fists clenched by his sides. There was nothing he could do to make you feel better. Not this time. And he seemed to know so. With one last tight smile, he sent a short nod your way and then left.

❁ ❁ ❁

Bucky didn’t look at you when you finally built up the courage to step inside his room. He was much bigger than you remembered. Thick muscles adorned his arms and shoulders. Shaggy, longer hair fell from his head and over his scrunched brows. His left arm was entirely of metal, a red star reminding him who had taken claim to him several decades ago.

If you hadn’t known, the man before you had almost no resemblance to the soldier you loved in 1941. He had been lean and full of life. He was broken now. And you were terrified someone had taken the very thing from him that would keep him from becoming himself again.

Without a word you approached Bucky, cupped his hands with yours, and undid the restraints that tied him to the table. And this was the first time he looked at you. Really looked at you. Bucky’s piercing blue stare was full of awe and sorrow, a deep pain etched beneath the grey flecks within the vibrant color.

You sat down beside him.

“Hey.” Your voice was shaky, dragging a long silence in its wake that only made your heart beat faster.

“Hello,” Bucky finally whispered, breaking the spell. His voice was a raw timbre, like a long-forgotten melody. And so much more tangible now that you weren’t listening to it through a speaker.

But that was it. Neither of you spoke afterward.

There was so much that could have been said, so much that could have been exchanged, known, explored about the other. And yet it didn’t feel like any of the words known to you were enough to break the static tension in the room. You were just looking at Bucky, scanning every part of his body like it was a flash card for the most important test of your life.

So, here you were: With the opportunity of a lifetime right at your fingertips and the confidence of a kicked puppy settled deep in your wounded soul. The person you had known for the longest looked so timid as if he were looking at a stranger. Not that he had ever been shy about strangers back in the day. But this was different. This was strange and beautiful, and scary, and exciting. No book in the world held the answers as to what to do in this situation.

And the solution was so easy: you just had to say something. So why didn’t your damn mouth open?

The speaker above your heads crackled and then Tony’s voice rang through the room. And for the first time in what felt like hours, a tiny bit of the weight on your shoulders lifted with it. “Bearcat, If you don’t open your mouth and put the guy out of his misery in 5 seconds, I’ll personally mediate this incredibly static confrontation.”

You rolled your eyes and then glared at the mirror, knowing full well Tony was watching you despite your asking him to leave. You mouthed a ‘shut it’ towards the glass and then turned in shock when a familiar voice rose from the silence.”

“Bearcat?”

You stared at Bucky with soft eyes. There was an innocence in the way he slowly guided this conversation - almost like he’d always had. It was an easy question, a nice entry to the heavier stuff that was bound to be discussed.

And just as you began to explain, it dawned on you how much you had missed about each other. How differently your life could have been if it weren’t for the cruel turn of fate.

“When Steve and I were discovered, S.H.I.E.L.D. was our home for a long time. They tried to put us in apartments, even set us up with chaperones to guide us through the new century.” Bucky looked intrigued, even leaning forth as he listened intently. You wondered if he ever realized how much time had passed when he was the winter soldier... if anyone ever cared to tell him. “But it wasn’t until I met Natasha that I felt like I had arrived. She showed me so many things and trained with me until I became an agent here. Howard’s son came up with the nickname. He reminds me of him.” You smiled and shook your head “He’s a pain in my ass but a genius that can be genuinely helpful even though I don’t want to admit it at times. I haven’t grasped the explanation fully, but apparently, my fast learning and efficiency when it came to fighting reminded him of one of those small powerful fighter jets that were finished just after the war.” You chuckled at the memory before your eyes found Becky’s again only to see pain all over his face.

A silent tear rolled down his cheek and hit the floor before you could see it stain his skin. “I'm so sorry.” His voice was shaking, his body trying to make itself smaller but failing miserably with all the muscle surrounding it. He took up the room and your heart right along with it.

“Hey you have nothing to apologize for, you hear me.” You cradled his face and his hands instantly covered yours, only for his metal one to retract just as fast again. He was sorrowful and it made your heart ache.

“You’ve been navigating through so much alone and this is yet another thing you had to do without me.” He confessed through his tears and squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t changed within - always caring for everyone around him and never putting himself first.

“I’m fine. Was then and am now.” You ensured him. “If you want to worry about someone, take Steve. He’s a lot more overwhelmed than I am.” Bucky chuckled through his tears, a deep seriousness settling in his eyes. “If anything, I’m sorry we didn’t save you sooner.”

He shook his head. “You couldn’t have known.” And there it was: a glimpse of the loving, caring, charming man you’d known so many years ago. A small smile snuck onto your face at the revelation and a spark of hope shot through your body.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” you confessed, "We never had the time to actually be just us. To live all the dreams we shared back then.”

Bucky's eyes were full of sorrow before he closed them and pressed his forehead to yours. “I wish I could say I missed you,” he whispered and slung his arm around you, “But I didn’t remember.”

“And that’s not your fault, you hear me.” Your hand stroked over his damp hair, pulling it back and making Bucky look at you again. “None of this is your fault. Don’t you ever doubt yourself. What happened to you is horrible. And I vow to kill every single person responsible for keeping us apart for this long. But not once will anyone ever consider this your fault.”

Bucky averted his eyes and turned his head but you were quick to catch his face with your hand. “Promise me you won’t beat yourself up. Please. That’s all I ask of you. Let Steve and me handle the rest and focus on becoming comfortable in your skin again. I can’t wait to meet the man you can become.”

“You don’t want to know me, doll. Not anymore. Even if it wasn’t my fault, it changed me. I’m not the man you-“ he stopped talking as you watched regret flash over his features. “I don’t think I can give you what you deserve.”

“I don’t care what I deserve, Bucky. I want you. I always have and that won’t change because some bullies tried to brainwash you. The very fact that we are here talking like this shows how much stronger you are than them. How the good in you never wavered.”

“But I can’t even trust myself. How can I expect you to do so of me?”

You cradled his head harsher as you felt your own tears roll down your cheek. “All I need is for you to try and trust me. We’ll figure this out... like we always do.”

Bucky’s flesh hand had fallen to your thigh, a soft thumb stroking over your leg and he watched the movement in awe. You didn’t know how long it had been since he had last felt comfort but you were determined to make up for all the lost time. With the wild beating of your heart, you took his metal hand and laved your fingers with his, watching as Bucky’s eyes glued to your smaller hand in his. There was no fear of what could happen, no aversion towards the alien element attached to his body. And then, finally, he encased your hand with his silver fingers.

Your other hand still stroked his cheek and you waited until he caught your gaze again. And once he did, you did not hesitate to slowly push your lips to his.

Just a short, sweet kiss. One that held more words than you could ever say. And then you waited. What for? Maybe a rejection, the shake of his head, or the sheer confidence with which he used to kiss you decades back.

Bucky’s breaths were shaky, his hands still touching you and sending softly timid comfort through your body. He held your gaze for a second... and then, he finally kissed you back.

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novasintheroom · 7 days

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015. Black & White

♡ Pairing - Vash x Reader

♡ Word count - 1.0k

♡ Warnings - none

♡ Description: It's a black and white film. Vash tries to pull a move while watching it.

Part of the 150 Bullets drabble series on AO3.

Carefully, you reach for Vash’s hand above you. You wobble precariously on the railing.

He gives you a cheesy grin. “C’mon, I promise it’ll be worth it!” His assurances are the only thing keeping you going.

After a particularly harrowing jump up and being caught by Vash, you ask for the fifteenth time, “Vash, why do we have to climb a building to see a movie?” You swear when you wobble along the edge of a balcony. Vash’s hands catch you, pulling you up again and to the railed balcony he has set himself in.

Once you’re securely on solid metal (and sitting down to cement it), Vash says, “We got the best seat in the house here!” His arms wide for dramatic effect. And you do. You’re a distance away from the screen, obviously; the crowds below who are paying for the movie are fenced in. High above the crowd of movie-goers, however, there’s no elbowing or awkward side glances at the stranger next to you. You don’t have to fight to see the screen in front of dozens of heads, either. You settle next to Vash, humming softly as he pulls out the snack bag from his pocket. “And,” he says, stuffing a handful of chocolate in his mouth, “we don’t have to pay for overpriced goodies!”

You take the bag and pour out a good chunk of chocolate-covered nuts into your palm. “How did you find this place anyway? I didn’t see any signs pointing to a movie playing tonight.”

Vash chuckles around his mouthful. “I think it’s some sort of club. Happens once a week around here.” He swallows and continues. “I was getting chased one day by some thugs. Only way out was up, so I climbed up here. They couldn’t find me, and that’s when I noticed the movie playing.” His smile becomes sheepish. “I come here whenever I make it to town now. It’s a nice little treat.”

“And free,” you nudge him with your shoulder, grinning as he laughs.

You chatter quietly to each other as you wait for the movie to start. When it does, the lights go out, and a black-and-white film begins playing. “Oh,” Vash says, “I’ve seen this one! It’s really good. Really, really old, too.”

Taking another helping of chocolate nuts, you ask, “Is it Earth-old?” You hope so. It’d be so nice to see a movie from Earth rather than the snippets you get in the archives. There’s a hush over the crowd as the movie starts.

“Yeah,” he says, lowering his voice and pointing as the title pops up: Sunset Boulevard, “it’s one of the few that made it from the crash. They found this database that someone kept of these old movies, so that’s what we get to see most of the time.”

You settle into watching the film. It’s dramatic from the get-go, and you’re enthralled. So enthralled that halfway through, you miss the exaggerated yawn Vash pulls. An arm suddenly wraps around your shoulders. You tense in surprise. You shouldn’t; it’s Vash, and there’s this unspoken thing between you two that’s been brewing for months now. But still, you tense.

He must take it as a bad sign. Muttering “sorry,” he pulls away.

That won’t do.

You look at him with your heart in your throat. He’s not looking at you, staring ahead at the screen and trying to not be sullen. With a deep breath, you take his arm back, putting it around your shoulders. He’s staring now. Tentatively, you scooch closer, feeling his side – now tense, just like you – press into your own. You both sit there for a moment. It’s…awkward.

But then Vash relaxes. He pulls you all the closer, and you let him. Hesitant, still so hesitant, you lay your head on his shoulder. Your face is on fire; you aren’t sure Vash is any better, but the dark hides everything.

After a moment, Vash offers you some more nuts. For some reason, it elicits a laugh from you, and the tension falls off the both of you like water. You start quietly chatting with each other again, commenting on the movie, on the characters, on the stale taste of your treat. Vash takes the liberty to twirl your hair around a finger as he talks. You, in turn, snuggle closer to him, enjoying the warmth he provides in the cooling night air.

The movie screen goes black eventually. Small crowds below begin shuffling out of their seats and through the fence door to return home. You and Vash stay sitting there, silent, letting the dark surround you. His hand has long since stopped twirling your hair, and you both breathe quietly.

You should get up and stretch. Shake off the feeling of his arm around you. But you don’t want to move. You don’t want to break whatever spell this is that you’re both under.

“Ready to go back to the inn?” He eventually murmurs. You finally look at him, doing a double glance at the way his eyes light in the dark. Even behind his glasses, they’re wonderfully, eerily blue. Two beams of light blocked only by the frames. You’re reminded again why it’s so vital for him to have his eyewear.

You can’t think of anything to keep you here any longer. So, you nod.

And you tell yourself as Vash leads you down balconies and exit staircases that it was not the night for confessions anyway. Everything is still too raw, too new to just jump into ‘I love you’s. You aren’t ready. Even as his hands linger at your waist a little longer than they should when he lowers you to the blessed ground, you tell yourself Vash isn’t ready, either.

Still, it was a great date all around.

#trigun #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #tristamp #writing #vash x reader #vash the stampede x reader #reader insert #self insert #nova writes #trigun x reader #150 bullets

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chachadelight · 2 years

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𝑻𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝑴𝒆 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑯𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑴𝒆 |

𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 1 | 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 2

𝕽𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 & 𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: NSFW 18+ , No smut in this chapter, violence, blood, guns, knives, swearing. No use of Y/N

𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢: Alrighty! Here it is, my new fic, which I should hopefully be sticking to. It definitely is aimed to be a long one with multiple parts. Forgive me, I am a slow slow writer as I get migraines often from looking at screens. But I am paSSIONATE about this so...I will stick to it. And please do not worry, filthy smut to come later. This is to just set the scene and the characters, so I hope you don’t think it’s too boring!

𝔓𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: Tangerine x Fem!Assassin!Reader

𝔚𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 4.8k (I know)

𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: Tangerine doesn't love, he can't. He knows that. So why does she make him feel the way she does and why does it piss him off so much?

𝔹𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝔻𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤 & 𝔾𝕠𝕝𝕕 ℝ𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤

The air was frigid in Windsor, England. The night was clear and not a single cloud could be seen in the sky, stars clearly visible and shining and the moon full and gleaming, making itself known in the autumn weather. A peaceful night, only the sound of the orchestra and the mumblings of patrons could be heard outside the manor of the Lancaster family. A night unsuspecting, nothing could possibly go wrong.

“Why do you never read the fuckin’ brief mate?”

“I skimmed it, got all the important details”.

Tangerine pinched the bridge of his nose, brow creasing with frustration. The pair were perched outside their black Bentley, the hustle and murmuring leaking from the manor a few metres ahead. Tangerine soon pulled a cigarette from his pocket and placed it between his lips, letting it hang there as he continued.

“His name is Damien Lancaster, heir to the Lancaster fortune”. He lit the cigarette with a flick of his silver light, letting it bounce between his lips for a moment before taking a hefty drag. “The Lancaster’s being the richest family ere’ in Windsor which of course you knew didn’t you Lemon?”

Lemon rolled his eyes at his brother’s comment, hands slipping into his pockets as he watched the patrons slowly file into the illuminated manor. Large and lavish and obnoxiously luxurious with all its hand sculpted ivory columns and beautifully carved mahogany doors that decorated every entrance.

“Anyway, little Damien’s dear uncle aint so happy about him inheriting all that money so you see, he’s hired us to take care of the problem”. Tangerine rested his cigarette between his fingers, his free hand in his pocket and his eyes trained on the upper level of the manor.

“Get rid of the nephew then the uncle gets all the money, got it”.

Tangerine raised his brow at that, shifting his gaze towards his brother. He simply stared in silence for a moment, taking another drag and letting the smoke glide past his lips. “Glad you finally got the memo Lemon, thank you for articulating the job so eloquently”. Tangerine sighed and took one last drag from his half-smoked cigarette, knowing that the pair couldn’t waste any more time. The last of the guests were filing in which meant it was the twins’ cue to take on their roles as distinguished guests at the Lancaster gala.

“Let’s go”. With that he flicked the bud to the ground, pressing his polished shoe against it to but the last of the cinders out. Lemon grabbed the lapels of his dress jacket, adjusting the way they sat against his chest as he followed closely behind his brother.

The main room was sprawling with wealthy high-society families, affluent politicians, and deep-pocketed social climbers. Chatting and laughing over tall glasses of over-priced wine and amber whisky. The sounds of heels clicking the marble granite floors and crystal glasses clinking against one another filled the enormous room as Lemon and Tangerine made their way into the middle. Dodging other people as they meandered through the wonderfully dressed patrons the twins found themselves at an opening at the bar, needing a position in the manor to be able to begin their survey.

Tangerine flagged down a bartender dressed in a bowtie, ordering a scotch on ice. He flicked out his wrists, adjusting the cufflinks on each arm. “Now, Damien will be hosting a gentlemen’s meeting upstairs at around 8pm after the first round of mingling. Just before that he should be preparing himself in his office. That’s when we’ll get the job done”. Lemon’s eyes were trained on the crowd in front of them as he himself ordered a drink.

“Sounds like a piece of piss”. Lemon looked down at his watch, a gruff noise passing his lips when he noticed the time. “What are we s’posed to do before then?” He leaned his elbow back against the bar.

“Always does, doesn’t it?” Tangerine grinned as he took a sip from the glass the bartender had slid towards him. “What do ya’ think Lemon?” He grinned, smacking his brother on the shoulder and taking a step further into the crowd. “Mingle”.

Lemon deadpanned his twin, followed shortly by an eye roll. He took his drink and followed his brother’s lead, stopping for a moment to lean into Tangerine’s ear. “I’ll check out the security, you hang here and see if there’s anyone we should look out for yeah? Meet you back here at 7:30 then?”

Tangerine’s gaze had fixated on a group of conversing women dressed in exuberantly designed gowns, a small smile growing on his lips. “Yeah, 7:30”. Lemon’s brow creased for a moment in confusion to his partner’s lack of concentration before following his line of sight. He nudged Tangerine in the side, prompting the other male to let out a grunt. “Oi!”

“7:30”

Tangerine rubbed at his side, frowning at his brother. “Yeah yeah 7:30, bloody hell”

With that, Lemon disappeared into the crowd, leaving Tangerine alone. He moved his attention back onto the women from before, quickly adjusting the lapels of his jacket and smoothing his moustache down with his index finger and thumb. Tangerine sauntered towards the group, smile and charm dialled to an 11.

“Good evening, ladies”. The women all turned their heads in unison, confused expressions quickly turning into giddy smiles as soon as they set their gazes on Tangerine and his towering stance.

The woman with blonde hair, dressed in an obnoxious gold dress spoke up first, her voice high pitched and dripping with pride. “Well, well…to what do we owe the pleasure Mr…?” She reached a single manicured hand, the rest of the women’s gazes fixated on Tangerine as he politely took the offer and shook gently.

“Jeffrey Baldwin”. He flashed the brightest grin he could muster as he provided his faux name, the blonde woman hiding back her own grin as she took back her hand, pink lips wrapping around the edge of her wine glass. “And you are…?

She chuckled again, looking between her gaggle of friends before rolling her shoulders back and puffing out her chest. “Evangeline Astor, my father is Baron Astor, founder, and CEO of Astor Enterprises? I am surprised you don’t know who he is, he owns half of…well everything”. Evangeline let out another laugh that this time came out as more of a cackle that had Tangerine testing his ability to hide his expression.

“Ah, of course I know who he is Miss Astor. I knew he had a beautiful daughter; I’m not surprised it’s you”. Tangerine slipped a hand into his pocket, sending a wink her way as to diffuse to tension.

It seemed to work because she smiled shyly, her eyes looking him up and down, practically undressing him with her gaze. Something Tangering did not mind, and frankly he was happy about. He was about to speak again when he was interrupted…

“Jeffrey Baldwin?” It was another female’s voice, yet it was deeper, sultrier. Nowhere near as headache inducing at Evangeline’s. Tangerine and the women all flicked their attention to the culprit. A taller woman, her body wrapped in a smooth black gown that hit the ground and hugged her figure in all the right places.

Tangerine raised a brow, first wondering where on Earth she had come from. Was she there the whole time? “Sorry?”

She smiled, red painted lips pulling back wide. “You said your name is Jeffrey Baldwin correct?” Her dress was corseted at the top, pulling in her waist, and holding her chest high and proud. The diamond necklace that sat between her breasts did nothing to help Tangerine focus his attention.

Tangerine peered around, the group of women now silent and plain faced as they all awaited his answer to this mystery woman. “Yes, is there a problem?” He fixated his gaze back on her and she simply held her smirk, even taking a step forward. She brought her champagne class to her lips and paused, tilting her head to the side.

“Mm, I’ve never heard of him. Have you ladies?” She held her gaze on his, piercing him with an intense gaze he couldn’t quite describe. Who is she?

The group of women all murmured amongst themselves, soon followed by the shaking of their heads and quick shrugs when none of them could place the name. Tangerine returned the gaze to the woman in front of him, a small frown playing at his expression and his moustache twitching with annoyance. “I’m not from around here”.

“Clearly”. Her grin never seemed to fade from her features, black painted nails tapping at the glass of her drink.

Tangerine’s eye had begun to twitch the way it did whenever his temper was played with. Who the fuck is this woman? Did she know who he is? Whoever she was, she was beginning to fuck with his cover and this job.

“How about I buy you a drink aye? Then you can get to know me, won’t be strangers anymore”. Tangerine broke the tension in his face, quickly covering it with a false grin to ease some of the growing tension.

Her smile had dropped at this point, but her gaze never left his. “Sounds wonderful”. She peered at the group and her smile appeared briefly. “Ladies”, and then it was gone once more.

Tangerine made sure to lead her to the far corner of the bar that was attached to the far side of the wall, somewhat hidden by the large velvet curtain of the floor to ceiling window. He was using every muscle in his body to not explode in the middle of this gala, his buttons were already pushed at this point. Who was this woman? That’s all he could think of. However, maybe she really was just another patron of this party. He couldn’t just lose control and blow his cover on the suspicion that she was someone he needed to worry about, someone like him.

“A negroni please”.

“What’s that now?” He was broken from his train of thought, quickly turning around to find the object of his ire standing there with a brow raised.

“The drink you offered to buy me? I will take a negroni”.

Tangerine pursed his lips, taken aback by her straightforward attitude. He didn’t linger on it for too long before he ordered her drink and one for himself, flipping the bartender his card between two fingers. The pair gazed at each other in silence, both studying one another, eyes taking in every last detail. Who was going to break the silence this time?

“So…” Her turn. “Mr Baldwin… here on business or pleasure?” She took her drink, twirling the peach liquid with the straw and taking a sip. Tangerine noted the way her red lips wrapped around the straw for a moment before speaking.

He took a moment to give her another look up and down, admiring the shape of her hips and the length of her legs. “Both”. He grinned, casually leaning against the bar as he too took a sip from his own drink.

She let out a little noise and Tangerine couldn’t tell if she believed him or not. Or if she was just unimpressed by him. Which in fact, would be a first for him. In general, she was hard to read, everything about her screamed red flag however she had yet to do anything to warrant extreme concern for Lemon and Tangerine.

“Do you do this for every woman you meet at fancy galas?” She took a couple steps forward until their bodies were a few centimetres apart. She pulled her drink back up to her lips and peered from beneath her lashes, looking ten times more unsuspecting than she did only five minutes prior. Tangerine’s brows were instantly raised, not expecting the sudden proximity but definitely not opposed to it either. He chuckled and tilted his head at her, taking in the scent of her vanilla and smoke perfume.

“Definitely not”. Suddenly every worry Tangerine had about her had floated away, a mere memory at the basement of his mind. He was entranced by this woman’s gaze, watching carefully as she placed her empty drink down yet remained as close as she was. Another small noise passed her lips as she let on a small smile, long fingers climbing up his chest to gently toy with the end of his tie. She leaned in closer now and as if on instinct Tangerine keened forward, giving her access to his ear.

“It’s funny how quickly you trusted me with a few bats of my pretty lil’ lashes”. Her posh accent was suddenly gone and replaced with one that sounded a lot more like his. Tangerine had barely any time to react to her before he was suddenly being rammed into the wall behind the curtain, a groan leaving his lips as the air was stolen from him.

“Who the fu-!”

Before Tangerine could get a sentence out, he felt the familiar cold press of knife against the base of his throat. He quickly shut his mouth at that as he leaned his head against the pillar behind his head.

“I think the question is who the fuck are you? Jeff-rey Bald-win”. She accentuated each syllable of his fake name, her face twisted in what look like disgust. She definitely knew he wasn’t who he said he was. “Stupid fuckin’ name”.

Tangerine growled, attempting to push against her until she pressed the edge of the knife harder against the skin of his throat to which he retreated, hissing his next words through gritted teeth. “Your friends seemed to like it”.

She scoffed, pressing the knife in even further, causing Tangerine to begin sweating nervously. That was obviously not the answer she wanted to hear. “Alright alright…! I’m ere’ on a job”. He hesitated to tell her exactly what for. What if Damien knew about the attempt on his life and hired someone to take out whoever that was?

“I’m gonna’ need a little more than that”. She hissed in displeasure again, her fingers turning ivory against the handle of her knife. “Who sent you?”

“Afraid I can’t disclose that love”.

She sneered at the pet name, her red lips curling with disgust. “Give me one fuckin’ reason I shouldn’t slit your throat right here?”

“For one, we’re in the middle of party sweetheart”.

She paused at that, and her eyes darted to the side, noting that they were in fact way too in the open and killing Tangerine here would be way too risky, blowing her own cover and ruining the job. She looked back at Tangerine for a moment, eyes blown wide before she groaned and lowered the knife from his throat, however keeping it strategically aimed at his stomach. “At least tell me what you’re here for”.

Tangerine hummed to himself in thought, noting carefully where she had her knife aimed now. If he tried to make a move on her like this, he would for sure be getting a gut full of blade. Perhaps they had different motives. But if they didn’t, this would complicate things ever further. Where was Lemon when you needed him?

“I’m here for Damien Lancaster…someone wants him gone”.

Suddenly she grinned and that wicked look in her eye returned. Tangerine frowned, unsure what to feel by her reaction.

“Looks like little Damien has a target on his back…”

“Aye?”

“I’m here on behalf of Baron Astor…” The tension in Tangerine’s shoulders dropped slightly. “The Lancaster’s currently own the other half of Windsor and well…Mr Astor isn’t so thrilled”.

“Well then I guess we don’t have anything to stress about, so if you could just move this…” Tangerine reached for her knife, placing his fingers over her own before she suddenly lunged forward, the knife pressing uncomfortably into his side. He hissed; eyes blown wide as he watched her.

She clicked her tongue, shaking her head at his words. “I’m afraid I need Damien Lancaster alive. He has all the access to the Lancaster data base. I need access so Mr Astor can do his little dirty work and run Lancaster name through the mud, then poof! Suddenly everyone wants to work for Astor Enterprises and the Lancaster’s are ruined”. Her smile was wicked, amused, she clearly enjoyed her job.

“Now I’m sure we can work something out”. Lemon would be looking for him by now, surely it was reaching 7:30.

“Mm, I don’t think so. A shame really, you are so handsome”.

“Thanks love, a shame for you though”.

“Why?”

“You’re beautiful”.

“And?”

“And I’m about to fuck you up”. Lemon appeared behind her, firm hand against her shoulder that had her immediately reacting by spinning herself around and swatting Lemon’s arm away from her. Using the opening she swung forward and landed a punch against his stomach, sending the larger male keening forward with a guttural groan. She used the opportunity to slip past the pair, quickly disappearing into the crowd before either of them could react.

“Fuck me! Took your fucking time didn’t ya Lemon?”

“Fuck you! I had no idea where you were. Who the fuck is that anyway?!” Lemon clutched his stomach as the pair already started making their way through the crowd.

“I don’t fucking know! She’s here on another job, said she needs Damien alive and was bout’ to fucking stab me”.

“Shit…it’s almost 8pm, we’re way off schedule”. Lemon groaned as they now found their way past the main part of the foyer and into the silence of one of the many halls of this damn manor.

---------------------------------------------------------------

The two brothers found themselves hiding on either side of a large open archway. It was a rather inconvenient predicament to be in as they were way too out in the open. There were four suited guards patrolling the empty hallway and there was no doubt that there would be plenty more to come if a single gun went off.

Tangerine locked eyes with Lemon, a stern look on his face as he pulled his pistol out and slowly twisted a silencer barrel onto the end of it. He was going to try his best not to use it at all, but precautions were put in place nonetheless. Lemon looked equally as concerned about their position, not to mention that there was now another assassin on the job. God knows where she was at this point. But that wasn’t the main focus. The pair needed to get past these 4 brutes in order to get to Damien Lancaster’s office.

Tangerine made the first move by carefully timing the moment guard 1 and 2 had their back turned around the first corner, Lemon following suit as the other 2 made their way to the other side of the hall, moving to the balcony that overlooked the main foyer. Tangerine swiftly rounded the corner, silently easing his way up to the first guard before wrapping his arm around his neck and promptly applying heavy pressure to his throat. The man only struggled for a moment before he eventually fell limp to the ground. Tangerine made sure to drag his body away from the main hall, letting him slump in a nearby alcove in the wall.

Guard number two put up slightly more of a fight, having noticed Tangerine’s shadow before he could attack. With a little more of a struggle, Tangerine was still able to throw in a single punch before whacking the guard with the butt of his pistol, quickly subduing the man.

“Fuckin’ ell’… arsehole”. Tangerine let a puff of air through his nose, tucking in his pistol and smoothing his curls back down as they had come slightly loose from the struggle. As if on cue, Lemon came back around the corner. Tangerine frowned as his brother came to his side, noticing a small splatter of blood on the front of Lemon’s white shirt.

“Bloody ell’ Lemon, what’d you do?”

“Eh?” Lemon peered down at his chest, clearly unaware of the mess he’s made. “Ah! Yeah no worries bruv, old mate pulled a knife on me so I sent it back to im’”.

Tangerine sighed, adjusting his cufflinks. “Right well. You hang out here, keep an eye out. Lancaster’s office is just down this hall on the left”. He signalled downwards with his fingers, Lemon nodding along to his words.

“You be quick yeah? I got a bad feelin’ bout this”.

“What are you on about Lemon?”

“Well I just know if it were Thomas-“

“Don’t”. Tangerine raised a palm to his brother, closing his eyes with a frown. “Fucking don’t bring Thomas the Tank Engine into this”.

Lemon raised his hands in defence to his brother’s distaste. “Alright…just hurry up”.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Tangerine had made it the large mahogany doors leading to Damien Lancaster’s office. He adjusted his tie before reaching for his pistol and taking it out once again. “Right Mr Lancaster let’s have a chat”.

The familiar press of a barrel of a gun suddenly pushed against the back of his head, paralysing Tangerine in his spot. He didn’t dare move, not surprised by the voice that followed. “How about we have a chat first?”

“Ah darlin’, you found me”.

“Mm, and now I’m really gonna’ end it. Now your little friend isn’t here”.

“Not so little I’d say”.

“Shut up”.

Tangerine made his move by quickly manoeuvring his arm to whack her hand to the side, sending the pistol flying. Reaching forward he gripped her wrist and sent her back against the adjacent wall. She didn’t take kindly to this when her back was met with a loud thud, causing her to grunt from the. She hissed with annoyance before kicking Tangerine square in the gut, sending him hurling backwards. Stumbling only for a moment before he managed to find his footing. However, she didn’t hesitate when she pulled her knife out once again, swiping once, twice in Tangerine’s direction. She was quick, skilled, but so was Tangerine, narrowly dodging her attacks before grabbing at her wrist again. They struggled against one another as she attempted to yank her arm free by pulling him closer to herself. Face to face she sneered at him, and Tangerine’s nostrils flared in response.

“Give it up sweetheart”. He said in a strained voice, veins on the side of his neck protruding as he pressed against her. He was stronger than her and he knew she knew. He just wondered when she’d make her first move.

“I guess you’re used to girls doing whatever you ask aren’t you?” Her voice was equally as strained, but the smirk that stretched across her lips suggested she was enjoying this.

“I don’t mind a little brat every now and then”. That smirk, those eyes. That devilish glare that sent a warm wave through him, nestling at the very core of his stomach. Was he really getting turned on by a woman trying to murder him? Yes. Yes he was. And the smile that grew on his own face proved so.

She suddenly roared out, lashing out every ounce of energy she had left to push against Tangerine. Using her momentum, she swung herself around in a circle, her leg coming up at the end and her foot connecting with Tangerine’s face with a disgusting ‘thud’.

Tangerine collided with the floor, groaning, and gripping at the side of his jaw. “You fuckin’ bitch”.

“Sorry handsome, I really tried to avoid the face”.

“That’s a fuckin’ lie love and we both know it”. He rubbed his jaw, propping himself up on his elbow. That’s when he realised in the struggle, she had dropped her knife and it was now only an arm’s reach away from him. She seemed to notice this too when her eyes widened. They both hurled for the blade, and she ended up missing it by an inch as Tangerine curled his fist around it and swung up blindly, having no time to aim.

He heard her exclaim and when he finally stood from the floor he saw her gripping at her arm, crimson liquid streaming from between her slender fingers. She stared at her arm for a moment, frowning when she lifted her fingers to witness a hefty cut with a steady stream of blood flowing from it.

“You just fuckin cut me! Bastard!”

“Why are you surprised by that!?”

“You--!” A loud bang and she was sent hurtling back as a splash of red sprayed from her left shoulder.

Tangerine cursed before turning around to see who the culprit was, hoping it was Lemon. The burning came on quick, followed by warm sensation of his blood beginning to pool at his thigh. “Fuckin’ bellend!” Tangerine aimed his pistol up and in a quick blur he managed to send a bullet right through the guard’s skull, his body thumping to the floor,

“Where the fuck did he come from?” He groaned out, his face contorting from the pain beginning to shoot up his leg as he limped his way back to the door. She had her back pressed up against the door now ripping at the end of her dress to make a makeshift bandage for her arm and now her shoulder.

“This was one of my favourite dresses too…fuck!”

As Tangerine sunk to the floor beside her, the pair both groaned in unison, heads pressed against the door. “Well this went tits up aye love?”

“Thanks to you Mr Bald-WIN”.

“Aye this is as much your fault as is mine!”

“Shut up”.

She clicked her tongue in annoyance, hissing as she applied pressure to the wound in her shoulder, blood steadily trickling down her arm.

“Listen…” He trailed on. “You only need him alive for access, right?”

She frowned but didn’t speak, her tired gaze settling on Tangerine as he spoke.

“How about you get your access and do whatever you need to do and I kill the bastard and we can all go on our merry little way?” Tangerine peered at his new mystery woman with a hopeful look even though he himself wasn’t too convinced of his new plan. Lemon for sure wouldn’t like it.

She didn’t speak for a moment longer, weighing her options, which weren’t exactly plentiful as the pair bled out on the lovely velvet carpet. That was going to be a bitch to get out later.

Look at Tangerine with hazed eyes she simply leaned forward until their foreheads touched, her warm breath fanning over his face as she spoke. “Do not fuck me over”.

Tangerine grinned and shook his head, his eyes boring into her own. “Wouldn’t dream of it sweetheart”. The way she looked at him was something else. Tangerine couldn’t help the grin on his face. This woman was something else, trouble for sure. But something else he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

---------------------------------------------------------------

“Lemon just get in the fucking car don’t ask questions. Take us to the Hollyvale Hotel”.

“Since when do we take on new partners in the middle of the job!?” Lemon exclaimed with annoyance as he helped his brother into the car, making sure to stay clear of his wounded leg.

“Hi handsome”. She grinned and winked at Lemon as she slipped into the car with grace and ease. Lemon paused for a moment, letting the compliment go straight to his head as he sat in the driver’s seat and started the car. “Alright maybe she isn’t so bad…”

“Just drive”. Tangerine groaned as he pressed his palm into his thigh. Lemon clicked his teeth and did just that. Drive. He sped off, sending loud screeches through the winter night air.

Lemon peered down at his writhing brother with concern knitted between wrinkled brows. “Fuck Tangerine…you alright mate?” He looked back up at the road, taking a hard swerve to the right.

“I’m fine…bullet went through”.

“I told you Thomas was right”.

“Oh shut the fuck up!”

“Thomas is always right”. Her voice sounded from the back, prompting the brothers to look at her through the rear-view mirror in unison. Lemon’s expression surprised whereas Tangerine was all frowns.

“That he is! Ah…?” Lemon trailed off, rounding another corner.

“Call me Damsel”.

Tangerine scoffed at that. “Damsel my ass”.

“It’s ironic”.

“Figures”.

“Fuck you fruit boy”.

“I know you wish you could sweetheart”.

“Should’ve stabbed you when I had the chance”.

“You did have the chance. You lost”.

She rolled her eyes at that, deciding against argument. Tangerine noticed this and smiled proudly as his small win. It was almost sad that she didn’t continue the argument. He liked seeing her mad. He had just met her, tried to kill her, and he was already noting the things he liked about her.

The car then pulled into a new street, the overhead luminescence of “Hollyvale Hotel” fading as they drove into the underground parking.

“Here”.

#tangerine x reader #tangerine fic #tangerine fanfic #tangerine #lemon and tangerine #bullet train fanfic #bullet train #bullet train tangerine #tangerine x y/n #tangerine x you #tangerine x oc

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vergeltvng · 2 months

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Thanks for reading my guidelines. I go by the mun-alias Midnight, also Raven (she/they), early millennial, living in the CET timezone. My activity level is medium to low, my reply speed is slow, please don't rush me. English is my second language. I'm from a german roleplay community and immigrated to Tumblr in 2022 after our old platform got shut down. I'm still learning about Tumblr rp etiquette and guidelines, please be patient with me. If you see me doing something unusal or weird feel free to correct me at anytime but be respectful about it.

01. To interact with me, you have to be 18+ (mun and muse). I am not affiliated with The Boys, its creators or the actor Karl Urban and I don't own the character Billy Butcher. I claim ownership of my own written headcanons and texts only. The Boys is an R-rated series and this is a general trigger warning for mature content such as blood, gore, violence, abuse, trauma, sex, sick humour, foul language, weapons, drug use and overall rude behaviour which can be expected from this muse.

02. It should go without saying but at the same time cannot be stressed enough: mun ≠ muse. On some occasions people were not able (or willing) to differentiate between me and my character which led to them feeling offended ooc and hardblocking me midconvo without communicating their discomfort. Butcher can be tremendously rude and aggressive, he swears excessively and is quick to insult your muse if he dislikes them or feels provoked. Writing him close to the canon is very demanding and getting his tone of voice and demeanor right is one of the greatest challenges that I've ever came across in 15+ years of writing. It's such a bummer when I put in the effort and the result is totally misinterpreted. Make sure beforehand that you can absolutely handle interacting with such a muse and do not take anything from him personal or too serious. I am completely different from him, I consider myself friendly, patient and very chill about most things and I'm always willing to talk things out.

03. Besides roleplaying I am also a hobby gif maker, therefore personal blogs are welcome to interact with my posts. Just make sure you don't reblog or comment on roleplay related stuff which includes tag games, writing examples, headcanons, threads and answered asks. Speaking of asks: I will generally react in-character whenever possible. I've received some messages in my inbox that I can't quite classify. If you want to talk to me, the person behind, please put your text in brackets or mark as "for the mun" so I know for sure you're addressing me and not my muse.

04. I haven't very much in-character text on this blog yet, since I mostly rp privately in DM's or on sideblogs. I'm very open and curious to try threads, I'd love to have some writing on my blog whether it be novels, oldschool style shorter postings or some in-character chatting. This would come closest to the 'Pinnwand' we had on our old platform and I still miss it a lot. I'm using the beta editor, which should be standard at this point anyways, and I am able to trim posts. Feel free to hit me up if you're interested and are comfortable with doing any sorts of public threads. You can also just send me an ask (off anon to start a continuous interaction) or tag me in a starter. I highly prefer german and I'm not open to english advanced literate, where complex prose is required. I have little to no experience with it but maybe I'll get more comfortable in the future.

05. When it comes to writing, I ask for a few things: no godmodding, power play or meta gaming. I also don't like forcing or rushing certain interactions that don't feel like natural character progression. Plotting beforehand is welcome but not mandatory. If it ever feels like being stuck we can pause the writing and have a small plotting session between scenes or even for the same scene. I am a big fan of the "yes, and" approach. Give me something to work with, don't let your replies be "dead" and passive. I get discouraged very quickly when I get little to no input and have to come up with moving the plot or interactions myself all the time. I don't have an estimated length for texts, it always depends and I usually don't match length just for the sake of having written a lot. I am not too fond of texts that are artificially bloated and there's essentially nothing happening.

06. I'm multiship and multiverse, meaning every ship takes place in its own verse if not communicated otherwise. I personally enjoy shipping a lot if there's good chemistry but Butcher is difficult to ship and due to his background pretty much unavailable for romantic bonding. It's not impossible though. I'm also interested in any setting where I get a chance to write him as an unhinged villain and diverge from the canon more liberately.

07. My approach to curating my dashboard is quite different, I would say, compared to what's considered standard (clean dash, small circle of mutuals). I follow a lot, and I mean a shitton, of people. I follow every blog out of interest and curiousity but please understand that it's impossible for me to interact with everyone. Also due to my gif making I get quite a bit of notifications when I'm actively posting sets, I'm prone to accidentially miss out on notifs about new followers/mutuals. My dashboard is fast and busy and I like it that way, I've made a conscious choice about this. It has become a wind down ritual for me, just silently scrolling, catching up and finding lots of stuff I enjoy without feeling obligated to contact people or getting replies done. Yes, I am here for rp, but I like to do lots of other things on Tumblr, too. There's periods of time where I don't have the energy to work on drafts or talk to anyone, not even folks who I have grown to genuinely like. Rest assured that you never did anything wrong when I disappear for a while. If I have any sort of issue or problem I will communicate it. What I'm not willing to do is constantly giving activity updates on a schedule. If I go on hiatus for longer I will most likely make a post about it. It's my personal opinion that no one should ever feel pressured into explaining why and for how long they are away.

08. Don't be a cunt. I have zero tolerance for homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, sexism, hateful comments in general, out of character drama, gossiping, constant negativity, passive aggressiveness, vague posting, guilt tripping, gaslighting and other similar behaviour. Just be a decent person and we're fine.

#「𝟶𝟷」⸻ 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖿𝗂𝗅𝖾. ⊣⊢#「𝟷𝟻」⸻ 𝗈𝗈𝖼. ⊣⊢#fakevz

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memorylang · 1 year

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In Mongolia at Last | #60 | October 2022

Today marks the second month to the day since my return to Mongolia. I’d persisted two and a half years in finally getting to share this story of having returned to Mongolia. I wish I could have gotten to it sooner! Still, I hope as you read on you’ll know what’s kept me busy. I start first with the juiciest bit of us returning then circle back to how I got here.

Mongolia

The morning of Tuesday, October 18, 2O22, I step from Turkish Airlines back into Mongolia, the “Land of the Eternal Blue Sky.” I wear the silver дээл /dehl/ shirt I received from my host family for Naadam in 2OI9. I lug the silver backpack my mother planned to gift me when she was still alive.

I had considered leaving my silver backpack behind in the States because of its wear. But it’d been with me for so long around the world since 2OI7. I chose to bring it back, still.

This airport looks different than I remember. Eric, my fellow evacuated Returned Peace Corps Volunteer, comments that this must be the new airport, I think. Immigration definitely feels like a warm breeze here compared to the cold floors we knew before. I pass through without challenge.

I feel elated for another reason, too.

Right at the door from immigration stands my Country Director.

Our American leader grins with her characteristic welcome and diplomacy. We share a big hug. We chat about how nice Ulaanbaatar’s new Chinggis Khaan International Airport is. We’ll have plenty more time to chat later, anyway. Beside her stands our General Services Manager, a Mongolian man with whom I hadn’t shared too many conversations. Still, he beams, and I’m so glad to see him. We three know each other.

The New Chinggis Khaan International Airport

Baggage claim is smooth, so smooth. I grab my bags with relief to see they’re all here this time. I’m still surprised by how cozy this airport feels. I trek toward what seems to be an exit. I feel excited yet disoriented, recalling my 2OI9 trip into Beijing during service as a Peace Corps Volunteer. I exit baggage claim.

Wandering out, I spot suddenly to my right these huge Peace Corps Mongolia “Hello Again 2O22” banners held by familiar figures of staff I haven’t seen in over two years. I enthusiastically take up hugs with anyone offering. I embrace both my past Regional Manager and our Safety & Security manager, with whom I don't even recall being so close. Still, goodness, what a difference years apart yet online make.

I’ve barely a moment to wait as I’ve bags to load onto whatever bus we’re taking this time into the city. I shuffle on through, gleefully greeting any Peace Corps Mongolia staff member as we recognize each other. Amid my new reality, I notice too an unfamiliar blonde woman and man. I hear somewhere they’re with the U.S. Embassy.

What Comes Next?

With bags loaded, I’m free. I hop back off the bus to see. It’s a brisk 6°C (43°F) this October morn.

I take in the moment. M3O Eric stands beside me outside. We had similar ideas. I'm astonished to learn that Eric was late to our bus meeting in Seattle because he was seeing a mutual friend of ours, my Nomgon neighbor, Sam.

I'm not shocked for long though beside Eric and me, beside the bus, stands too our Director of Programming & Training. Of course, the director and I share a huge hug. He tells Eric and me with a wide smile how today staff is to swear us in immediately and get us back to serving soon.

We’re glad to hear it. I’m genuinely excited about the prospect of serving again so soon. But, I’m not sure whether to believe they’re really about to reactivate us. Still our director sounded reliable.

Not long after, the M3Is file through and onto the buses.

Once everyone’s about settled, we all hop back off for a big facemasked photo. I brave the cool with my coat left on the bus so that my дээл /dehl/ is entirely visible. As the Peace Corps Mongolia banner unfurls, I stand toward the front, beside it. Next to me stands Ken, with whom I chatted from our Seattle hotel. Peace Corps is really back in Mongolia.

Staging in Seattle

That preceding Friday afternoon on October 14, 2O22, my flight to Peace Corps’ staging lands in Seattle, Washington. I’m walking across the plane that brought me out of Vegas when I receive a text. It’s from a Trainee in the new M3I cohort, Chris. He’s landing in Seattle about when I do.

I head to SeaTac's baggage claim. I remember having met my fellow M3Os, Marisa and L, at the Philadelphia airport three years ago. Now I’m back in Seattle, where I visited my first and second times last summer. It won’t be long before I don’t travel alone.

Sure enough, the tall man Chris walks up. He explains he's from Portland. I remember my time there around this time last October. Chris’s flight to Seattle was his very first flight, he beams. I welcome him to the Peace Corps with a smile.

First Ordeals

I find not long after meeting Chris a complication. My orange backpack seems not to have arrived with me. So I head to Alaska Airlines’ desk. Its attendants send me back to the carousels. I wait quite a while longer, with Chris staying by my side.

The ordeal occurs for about an hour. During this time M3Is Ken and Darcy, who'd texted having also arrived, go ahead to the light rail. Meanwhile, another M3I, Alex, arrives beside Chris and me, too. I remember Alex’s face from Zoom calls preceding today.

Our trio decides we ought not to keep waiting. I come back to Alaska Airlines’ desk to put in a mishandled bag ticket, hoping my bag arrives the next day. Wow, this feels like Munich this summer. Then haul our things to the light rail, too. I remember October’s NYC trip yet with more walking here. I think too about that time I traveled to D.C. from Vegas when the Capitals were playing our Golden Knights.

Our trio rides the light rail a while. When at last we hop out, we lug our luggage uphill many blocks. Now this reminds me of San Francisco last August yet sweatier. I’m wearing the heavy coat I’m bringing back to Mongolia, though I really don’t need it for Seattle’s October. I’m pleased to pass by the public library I remember from my Seattle solo adventure last summer, though.

Peace Corps Arrival

At last we reach the hotel. Chris, Alex and I split as we check and head to rooms. Upstairs I find Peace Corps staging staff of Nick and Maya so friendly. I feel weirded out somewhat by how tight COVID-19 protocols remain. Still, I see my fellow evacuated Returned Peace Corps Volunteer Eric, M3O, and feel a bit better despite the oddness.

Eric and I catch up over Mexican food a brief walk away. I like how he has real Southern calm about him. I remember conversations we shared when we were Trainees in the ger camp outside of Ulaanbaatar (UB), three years ago. We were two of our cohort’s members also into Chinese studies.

Staging

Eric and I return to our hotel, and staging begins. I try not to too blatantly draw attention to how I’m one of us two evacuated Returned Peace Corps Volunteers who were serving before in Mongolia. I try to focus more on getting to know my new peers. In among the first activities then, I get to know a fellow Asian American seated behind me, Christine. I’m surprised by what led her to Peace Corps but feel confident that she’ll be fine.

I expect to get to know others in the M3I cohort more when we’re together the next day. There are about half the Trainees in this cohort compared to those in Eric’s and mine. Still, when the traditional ice-breaker comes asking what weird thing we packed, I decide to reveal a piece of my heart. I packed my bus card from our first summer in UB, and I want to see whether it still works in Mongolia.

Navigating the Old and New

After the evening session, I’m on a side quest. My sister Becky and her new boyfriend Solomon are also in town. That night, they pick me up from the Renaissance Seattle Hotel where Peace Corps is staying, and they take me to enjoy delicious Indian food with them nearby. I recall when I visited Becky last summer in the Seattle area, too. Her boyfriend Solomon’s quirky, funny and wise.

Saturday I go back through staging. It exhausts me at times. Its minimal acknowledgment that this ain’t the first staging for evacuated returnees bugs me sometimes. I still remember plenty from my first staging. Personally exhausting too is how memories left dormant for two and a half, sometimes three, years would ping pong back to me.

I stay upbeat while getting to know the new Trainees. At least I’ve only 23 names to learn right now. Eric and I had to learn so many more as Trainees in 2OI9.

Bonding

During one of staging’s identity exercises, we’re asked to consider three aspects of our identity that will become most apparent about us in Mongolia. I announced that three regarding me would be that I’m young, Asian and single. I remember these from what coworkers and locals would often say to me.

At lunch, I walk with many M3Is to a pizza place where we can build what we like. I get my Subway-style everything meal. I enjoy the company of the down-to-earth Midwesterners with whom I dine outside. One reminds me of my former sitemate from Wisconsin, Emilie, our volleyball star. I miss her.

I’m surprised by how many in the new cohort also have China backgrounds. That’s nice. Our walk again past Seattle’s major public library reminds me of conversations I had there with the National Peace Corps Association. I’ll miss the stellar stateside Walk Around Allowance that Peace Corps provides, too.

New Recruits

Amid staging, I also reunite with/meet for the first time Rowan, an M3I I met virtually back in fall 2O2O. We’re so glad to meet at last in person. She feels to me like an old friend. I also enjoy hearing the teaching background of Ken and the social work background of Darcy. As part of the ice-breakers, Rowan and Darcy are in my doodling group, which I enjoy. Humorously, some of the Trainees mistake our group’s drawing of someone sad and alone to being a drawing of a blood sacrifice upon an altar. (It’s because of that red marker we had.)

I meet as well Kat, a person whose backgrounds of both Chinese and Germanic descent mirror mine. I’m surprised by how well-dressed Caroline of Massachusetts is! We have quite a few from Massachusetts here. I pass along warm wishes, “Minglaballers for life,” from a past college classmate to two Trainees who trained with him in Peace Corps Myanmar before the global evacuation that followed Peace Corps China’s and Mongolia’s evacuations.

One Last Night

That night after staging’s main day concludes, I return to the place where Becky (and now 'rock' star Solomon) is staying in Bellevue. It was here last summer that I received the very silver journal in which I'm writing my current experiences. Tonight Becky cohosts here a talent show that's more of an open mic.

For my act, I share the story of how “Frozen II” moved me during evacuation. With its significance on the floor, I sing an unrehearsed, "Show Yourself.” They receive my song well. The night reminds me of when I similarly performed the song once during the pandemic back at my college parish, the spring preceding our other younger sister Vana’s future fiancé’s graduation party.

Throughout the Saturday too I’d checked with Alaska Airlines on the status of my missing backpack, but no specific luck. It feels too much like the summer’s Munich ordeal awaiting my bag from Singapore and Qatar. I pray everything just arrives in time.

Sunday in America

My final morning in America, I get back on the phone with Alaska Airlines to hear that my luggage made it to the airport. They lack time now to deliver it to our hotel. But it’s here in Seattle.

My college parish community prayed for me this weekend, I learn. What could have been worse was better! I conclude that the Devil had been trying to rattle me one more time along my path back to do good ‘round our world.

I report my bag’s return to our desk officer Nick. He commends me for my good humor. That was something my past priest would say, too. (Thanks to that priest I’d been discerning with the Jesuits after coming back from Southeast Asia.) Unfortunately, our priest retired not long after Reno’s new bishop from Seattle came and replaced him.

Sunday Service

For Sunday Mass, I find that my nearest parish is the archdiocesan cathedral! So I stroll across the bridge over roadways to attend Mass. It’s a beautiful area that reminds me of New England. During the service I consider how this was the very cathedral from which the man who made himself pastor of our parish in Reno came.

The Mass also reminds me of parishes I attended in Southeast Asia, with their unfamiliarity yet allure. The cathedral even reminds me how last Sunday I celebrated Mass in New York’s cathedral! My prayers today are of thanksgiving not petition. Still, I hope I’ll have a Catholic parish to attend in Mongolia. I hope I won’t go long without Christ’s Eucharist!

Heading Out

I hustle back to the hotel after Mass, ascend the elevator to my room, grab my bags and descend again. I reunite with the Peace Corps Trainees. The friendly Nepali American Trainee Sareena leads my team. I appreciate her chill directness.

All Trainees receive yarn of a similar color to that which Eric and I received three years ago. Though, this shade is slightly greener than our electric blue. We fasten these to our bags then cross the street to our waiting bus.

Eric is away, however, forcing our Peace Corps community to wait a while. In the meantime, chow down on my leftover everything pizza. This seems endearing to some folks in the cohort, at least.

We board the bus. At last Eric appears! We set off for to the airport.

Beside me sits Ken, the likable English instructor with quite a penchant for fun methodologies. From him and an M3I Eric, I learn that quite a few of the Trainees beside Rowan have waited these pandemic years to accept their invitations to serve, as well.

I enjoy talking with Ken. He reminds me of the M3O Ken I knew, with whom I hiked in Ulaanbaatar our days before Swear-In. I missed Ken when he Early Terminated (ET). Still, I hope none of the M3Is ET.

Seattle's Airport

When we arrive back at the airport, I have to split from the group to head back downstairs to Alaska Airlines’ baggage claim. I’m glad I don’t have to be a group leader since that’s responsibility I don’t want to think about. I entrust my welbeing to the friendly Rowan. Then I beeline straight back to Alaska’s desk.

I see my bag’s a bit dirtied. But, it’s my bag. I’ve awaited it. Desk Officer Nick had advised me to insist on compensation, so I get a brochure on how to reach customer service for compensation. I report the phase of the mission accomplished and trek back upstairs.

Back in Time

In line before bag weighing, I help some people who feel extreme stress. This reminds me of my experience helping the M29 during evacuation. I miss her, too.

Further along the airport line, I receive a compliment from a man for the wooden Holy Spirit cross I wear. I comment how it reminds me God is always with me. The man agrees. His daughter served in Peace Corps Namibia, he explains. He kindly lends us his luggage scale as we near the front.

Unfortunately, Turkish Airlines calls my bags too heavy. So I, like some Trainees who came before me, must reconsolidate my belongings. I’m not too concerned, but the process annoys me. I just brute force my hope that this all works out. And it does.

Forth in Time

I’m rewarded by seeing Sareena, tall Tom and our other leaders awaiting me. I feel consoled seeing Jeff, too, an older gentleman with good spirit. The clump of Trainees reminds me I’m no longer alone. I’m with a new community.

Once our cohort reaches our gate, I take a video call with both my siblings and recipients of this year’s inaugural Lin Yuejun Lang Asia Scholarship. I have fun getting to speak with them before I leave the country. Our recipients seem really cool too, having studied in South Korea and Thailand. Glad my siblings get to see me having fun.

I also have time to complain to Alaska Airlines’ customer service to get more than the normal points compensation for the baggage issue. I don’t like complaining, so I appeal to integrity. A little compensation tempers my temper some.

Nearby, folks from the training cohort claim to recognize members of Mongolia’s famous band, the HU, who wait in line. The Trainees suggest they’re visiting home between tours. I’m surprised Trainees recognize them. Some daring Trainees even walk up for pics. I honestly can’t tell if it’s really them, and I choose not to bother. Still, it’s cool to think that may be the HU.

The Flight

Our cohort boards. For the long flight, I'm seated with both Kat and Sareena. Our Asian American trio speaks at length from Seattle to Istanbul.

I enjoy sharing Asian roots with my new peers. Sareena strikes me as someone who could really lead, and Kat seems so thoughtful. I enjoy getting to know what’s bringing them to Mongolia as I go back. Their perspectives on culture, psych and privilege both warm and challenge me.

Across continents, I also decide to see, “X-Men: Days of Future Past.” The film both further celebrates my having seen Hugh Jackman on Broadway and feels like a sequel to my having seen in Southeast Asia, “X-Men: First Class.” I’m glad too that “Days of Future Past” has a continuity that reminds me of “X2,” which I saw so many years ago, back in school.

Anyway, the superhero thrills keep me awake while I fight the jetlag. I don’t think I glean particularly monumental lessons from these. Neat to see President Kennedy, Peace Corps’ founder, referenced. I like Marvel flicks.

Through Istanbul

The M3Is, Eric and I spend little time in Istanbul’s airport before we board again for Mongolia. That said, I do have time to split from the group to catch foreign Pokémon in “Pokémon GO.” I complete a raid and plant a Pokémon on a gym. I don’t expect I’ll be playing video games much after we land.

Anyway, close enough to midnight local time, we hop back on a plane, this time for Ulaanbaatar. Seats shuffle a bit, though Kat and Sareena aren’t far. I kick off trying to rest against jetlag.

Past about 6 a.m. local time, I hear Trainees worry about declarations and immigration. “What did you put as your visa number?” one asks, tapping my shoulder. To be honest, I hardly care. I don’t remember those responses affecting much.

Turkish Experiences

During the flight, I also reflect on Turkish people I met lately. There was a young sports player named Ozan I met while returning to America from Europe this summer. There was a Haluk, too, the young Muslim I met in New York this month. Remembering them reminds me how connected our world is.

I also remember, while maybe Turkish or not, a thoughtful Asian flight attendant with a dark, wavy bob who had served on our flight from America to Turkey. She stood out to me because of a time on the flight when I simply requested a snack. Another attendant had answered my request, actually. But I noticed across the plane that the female attendant said something to him. When the man returned with a snack, I received not only one but two, as well as a sour cherry juice I remember choosing from her earlier on the flight. That above-and-beyond care struck me as so in line with that personal way God loves. This is how I am to love.

I’m also still wrapping my head around the realization that I’m really going back to Mongolia. Looping in my head is “Breathe” from “In the Heights.” Two and a half years… and I’m going back.

Peace Corps Mongolia to Ulaanbaatar

After we land in Mongolia, get our bearings and get the bannered photo, we hop back aboard our buses. We’re separated in accordance with COVID-19 mitigation standards. Peace Corps and Embassy staff step on to wish us well before we’re off. For the road, we’re treated to modest plastic bags of snacks and water.

I sit toward the back, recalling my experience when we first came to Mongolia, and I sat there, too. This time, however, I’m without so many in this row. Social distancing limits close quarters.

As we ride through the countryside from the new airport to the city, I remember my winter trips from the airport when I took leave. Though Mongolia had snow already in mid-October, the cold isn’t like that which I remembered from December 2OI9 and January 2O2O. Still, I feel as though having pined for this landscape.

Unfortunately, we see across the hillside no herding occurring through a Prius. I guess we’re in the wrong season or place to spot that. Still, I recall seeing that among the biggest surprises to me in response to what our former Director of Management Operations had said, that we would, “see people do things with a Prius you [we] never thought possible.” Still, that was among the greatest things I witnessed that summer in the countryside.

As our bus nears the city, I think back to what few adventures I’d had in the capital, getting to see friends at their apartments, for example. I’d no sense of the city’s apartment geography, so I’m not sure if I’m looking in the right direction. Still, I know I’m seeing UB.

Re-Education

We arrive at a hotel I don’t recognize and ascend without roommates because of pandemic restrictions. The hotel is so fancy. After dropping our bags, we’re to wait some time till we can head up to the conference floor for another round of COVID testing. I’m so pleased to see again medical staff with whom I hadn’t even been close. They seem so pleased to see me, too. I'm pleased to meet in person our new Peace Corps Medical Officers, too!

Back in my hotel room, I put on my good shoes to replace my hiking boots and wear my black mask from Singapore. Then I head back to the conference center on the top floor for official opening remarks. There are some introductory health and safety sessions. I journal that afternoon of our situation, “Having a vibe like both PST and Final Center Days conferences at the same time, Eric and me, alongside 23 M3Is.”

Swear-In

By intros’ conclusion, it’s time for a ceremony that I quickly realize is what I think it is. Our Country Director directs my fellow evacuee and to the front. I'm glad to have been wearing the very same shirt I wore when I first swore in three years ago.

In front of the room, before our audience of Trainees, our Country Director hands us new certificates. We raise our right hands. We repeat after her. This is surreal.

Sure enough, we're sworn in. Two newsgroups interview us, GoGo Mongolia and TenGer TV. I describe in English my mother’s story that brought me here. I tell the reporters about my time teaching at МУИС /MUIS/ in Erdenet and in the orphanage.

That night, I locate in my luggage my copies of my original Swear-In documents. I really am a Peace Corps Volunteer again. My re-education begins.

In my next tale, I’ll take you through my first days back in Mongolia.

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

#Peace Corps #Mongolia #memoir #story #Catholic #God #memoryLang #USA #scholarship #Asia #Coronavirus #COVID-19 #UB #travel #winter #Ulaanbaatar #seattle #istanbul #flight #memories

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narancias-headband · 2 years

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A little F/O chat! :) [and me venting a lil]

I never really personally held the belief of like... Your f/o liking you the way you like them in a funky au sort of way (not to discredit anyone who does!) but like... Lately??? I'm?????

I'd say Formaggio is my main (if not only???) f/o. He has a special spot in my heart 😅

Lately I've listened to a little more JoJo's music on Spotify as background noise again. Including Formaggio's theme (piccolo), but not necessarily more than any other song (so far as I can tell).

Monday morning. I'm driving to work. In an overall bad mood. Guess what song comes on... Piccolo. At first I didn't know why it ended up in my usual playlist, but remembered I've been listening to my Spotify "On Repeat" playlist. So that explains partway where it came from... But...

In all honesty, it lowkey felt like it was him wishing me a good day. 😅 Saying it out loud makes me feel crazy, but it made my brain super happy. And Monday really did go well.

I swear. Sometimes it doesn't even show up in the playlist? And I know I don't have it downloaded, so it often can't play when I'm driving since I rarely leave my mobile data on.

Today I had an awful day at work. Nothing worked out for me all day. I was heading out, trying not to cry until I reached my car. My little catboy Formaggio keychain lightened my heart a little (I'm gonna add a pic of it here cuz he's so cute).

I got to my car, barely holding it together, and start the drive home. And guess what song happens to come on... Despite the lack of WiFi/data... It was piccolo. Another little moment of... Maybe it does mean something. Maybe he knows I feel like a useless, good for nothing, worthless person. And he's trying to comfort me somehow.

Maybe I'm just crazy. Or autistic. Or both. But it makes me happy. And I'd like to think in some weird twist of fate that it's meant to feel the way it does.

Anyway. If you read this... Uhhh thank you for listening to my rambling!! Feel free to talk about similar things or just f/o gushing or anything in the comments here or message me.

Hope everyone is well. 💖

Also here's my Formaggio keychain that I just got the other dayyyy.

I got him from here! And... They have all of LS (though Ris is sold out and it looks like there's only B-Grade Proscis left)

#also to clarify when i say maybe im autistic that is not an insult at all i actually have my real suspicions on that one 😅#anyway just a window into my brain i suppose #formaggio been on my mind big #if anyone knows of any good reader insert fics with him please send them my way

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murdockparker · 2 years

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Four Words

Matthew Murdock x Reader

Summary: College was rough, if only there were a way to blow off steam while also totally not catching feelings, right?

Prompt: 184.“I don’t want to be friends.” 199.“We agreed this was just physical!”

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: FWB trope, swearing, alcohol use, suggestive content! Matt is an idiot thank you for coming to my TED talk

A/N: This took me wayyy too long to write and I’m sad about that, but I’m glad it’s done! so... enjoy?

College was rough, that in itself is a fact. If college was rough, college on an Ivy League campus was a rocky road leading straight to hell. The school was filled with those who were admitted on daddy’s money or their social status. Those students usually floundered in the water by second semester—but for the many who actually earned their keep, it’s not an opportunity to take lightly. So, like many before her, (Y/N) needed an outlet to relieve the stress of her valiant efforts—but not muddle her oh-so precious free time. She only had a few minutes a day where she wasn’t stressing about her next exam or the bullshit assignments of the week, so she tried spending those minutes on doing the things she enjoyed. She didn’t need anything to tie her down, get rid of the little bit of freedom she had.

In came Matthew Murdock.

Fellow law student, entirely handsome and completely, utterly in the same boat. So it seemed, anyway. They had hit it off fine in class, finding an academic equal in one another rather quickly. It wasn’t a secret that (Y/N) had found the man attractive. No, she had been so bold to tell him that to his face within the day of their first meeting. Matthew, of course, joked that he wish he could say the same. The tension was there, growing with each interaction and flirty comment, but the pair felt the weight of the world on their shoulders and didn’t feel the need to dive deeper into possibly exploring where that specific tension could lead. They simply just didn’t have the time.

Until the night where they had the hour. The one singular hour where the two could reassess and examine their feelings. Surface level, no strings attached. A simple way to burn off steam, a fun way to burn off steam, entirely with someone they trusted and respected.

Only for the hour. It was only to be the hour.

An hour.

“I want to make it clear,” (Y/N) spoke between panted breaths, “I’m not a whore.”

Matt kissed her back feverishly. “Didn’t say,” he kissed her again, “you were.”

“Didn’t need to,” (Y/N) pushed her hair out of her face, “Your thoughts are loud, Murdock.”

“If anyone’s a whore, it’s me,” he laughed.

She kissed him again. “You do kiss like a whore.”

“I’m not hearing any complaints.”

“I have none,” (Y/N) said honestly. “We’ll see how it holds up in bed, though.”

“In bed?” Matt motioned beneath the two. “Is my futon not good enough for you?”

“I’m not going to fuck you on a futon, Murdock,” (Y/N) peppered kisses along his jaw, stopping to suck lightly. “Besides, I thought this was your roommate’s?”

“What Foggy doesn’t know,” Matt moaned as she found the spot right under his ear, “won’t kill him.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

Friends with benefits was such a loose term to the two, so they left the details unspoken. It started out as a casual thing, meeting up and fucking the brains out of each other after a stressful week, studying shortly after. That was the easy part. It’s easy to rip the clothes off a friend’s back, what wasn’t easy were the many minutes after the fact. That’s what initially turned (Y/N) off from the whole arrangement at first thought. She didn’t need to worry what Matt thought of her physically, his hands over her body constantly was enough confirmation of approval. Her looks obviously didn’t really matter to him, so that eased her mind just enough to get by. The emotional intimacy is what truly frightened her.

Like the arrangement, the aftercare was casual, praise was given before moving onto the chat about their next assignment or exam. It quickly fell to a deeper level, however. The ten minutes grew to twenty, suddenly forty five, finally reaching upwards of an hour just laying with the other in bed—talking about nothing and everything all the same. She was convinced it was because Matt was just that easy to talk to or perhaps she was simply too tired to get up. It was easier to write it off, easier than to think too hard about it all.

So she didn’t.

“Y’know, we could go out and be social tonight,” (Y/N) said, wrapping herself deeper in Matt’s sheets. “Foggy invited us out to his cousin’s party in Jersey.”

“I thought we were going to study?” He teased.

“You and I both know that idea flew out the window the moment you ripped my skirt off,” (Y/N) poked his chest. The two were laying terribly close to one another, not exactly having the most amount of room on a twin bed. The fit was comfortable though, it always was, only a foot hanging off the side. “I didn’t think you were actually going to rip it off me, Murdock.”

“The zipper was obviously busted anyway,” Matt waved nonchalantly. “I’ll buy you a new one.”

“You’re saying that as if I wasn’t going to make you do that anyway?”

“I figured I’d offer it,” Matt said, sitting up. (Y/N) sighed at the sudden removal of the warmth, eyeing his bare chest up and down. “But Jersey? No. Not happening.”

“Come on, Matt! It’ll be fun! You know Foggy’s gonna get hammered and probably spew some funny shit,” (Y/N) watched Matt pry himself out of the bed, ass bare for the world to see—he had a pretty perfect ass—and started picking up the clothes strewn about the dorm. “At the very least, you could try to let loose.”

“I can think of something even better than that,” Matt said devilishly, a grin spreading across his face. (Y/N) could have sworn she felt her heart stop at the sight. What she could feel was the panties unceremoniously being thrown at her face. “Finishing our criminal law presentation.”

“Ouch.”

“You did come over to study,” Matt shrugged. “We have to present on Monday.”

“I’m well aware of when we have to present,” (Y/N) said as she wriggled herself into her panties, refusing to get out of the warm bed. Matt’s sheets were nice, she’d have to get a set like them. “I just thought that maybe—”

“Maybe what?” Matt had finished getting dressed, sans glasses. His voice was firm, a tone she rarely heard before. “We have to finish this, (Y/N).”

“Jesus, what’s your rush? We have all weekend—”

“I’m not free this weekend, I’m only free tonight, that’s why you came over tonight,” Matt continued, “I don’t want to spend it at some gross party in Jersey—”

“It doesn’t have to be the party, we could go do literally anything else! What? You’re telling me you don’t have one free hour this weekend at all? I find that very hard to—”

“I have a date.”

Silence.

“I have a date this weekend,” Matt repeated, coughing lightly.

“A date?” (Y/N) finally managed to squeak out.

“Yeah,” Matt coughed again. “With that girl I told you about—”

“The one with the weird name?”

“Elektra—her name isn’t—yeah,” Matt nodded as he finally pulled his sweater back on. (Y/N) still sat topless in his bed, her fingers playing with the fabric of her shirt that Matt so lovingly placed in her lap. She needed to say something, anything, to break the continued silence.

“Dates don’t usually take all weekend,” (Y/N) laughed humorlessly. Matt said nothing. She could practically see the gears turning in his head, trying to figure out what to say.

“She invited me to her family’s vacation home upstate—”

“Going on a vacation with her on your first date? That seems like a bit much, Matthew,” (Y/N) laughed again, finally pulling her top back on. The room felt significantly colder than before, she realized.

“This isn’t the first date.”

(Y/N) was rendered speechless. While Matt and (Y/N) weren’t best friends, that was Foggy’s area of expertise, they were close enough that the lack of this information hurt her more than it should’ve. Why didn’t he tell her? “You’ve already—why didn’t you say anything, Matt?”

“I don’t share everything with you, (Y/N),” Matt said pointedly. His posture grew stiff, arms firmly crossed against his chest.

“Bullshit,” (Y/N) stood up from the bed, the loud creaking echoing. “You can’t even keep how terribly disappointing your breakfast was—how you had that weird rash on your back you needed me to look at? You’re hardly tight-lipped with me, Murdock.”

“I tell Foggy about my breakfast too—the rash was just convenient, I already had my shirt off anyway,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t need to share everything with you,” Matthew parroted, correcting himself, “you’re not my girlfriend.”

Four words. Four simple words was all it took for (Y/N)’s eyes to glisten with tears, dangerously threatening to fall. Once again that evening, (Y/N) was speechless. Matt couldn’t bring himself to say anything else. Of course she wasn’t his girlfriend, she knew that, they both did. If that fact was such common knowledge, why did those four words hurt her so badly? By the forlorn look on Matt’s face, the four words hurt him a bit too.

“No,” (Y/N) shook her head, quickly gathering the rest of her clothes, her ripped skirt laying still on the floor. She couldn’t leave without something on her bottom half, so she grabbed the pair of sweatpants Matt had laying on the duffle bag. Her face was burning in embarrassment, she silently thanked the universe Matt couldn’t see it. “I’m not.”

“(Y/N), wait—”

“Finish the slides yourself, I’ll see you on Monday,” (Y/N) pulled her coat on, hand hitting the wall rather roughly. She hissed in pain, noting Matt’s worried expression. His brows were tightly drawn, face long. “Oh, and I’m keeping the pants.”

It wouldn’t be until she got back home that realized she never put her bra back on, the black number probably still laying on Matt’s desk. She prayed that the red cup in her hands would nurse her sour mood—at least try to, anyway. (Y/N) had found her way to Foggy’s cousin’s party—an expensive taxi ride, she’d have to finesse a ride home—she was met with the smell of weed and vomit swirling through the small living room, lights of every color bouncing off the walls. She kept herself tight in the corner, trying to swallow as much of the contents in her cup as she could.

“(Y/N)!” Foggy screamed, his hands flying up in the air. “You made it!”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” (Y/N) forced a smile. She hoped Foggy’s inebriated state would dull his ability to see through it. “Your cousin’s place is… well, it’s a place.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty much shit, but a banging place for parties,” Foggy nodded, eyes scanning across the swarm of people. “It’s nice to get out of the city, y’know?”

“We’re literally only like thirty minutes away from campus—”

“I said what I said,” Foggy poked her forehead lovingly. “So…where’s Matt?”

“He didn’t want to come out,” (Y/N) shrugged, finishing her cup of jungle juice. She took a deep breath. “I tried, believe me.”

“You guys finish your project?”

(Y/N) felt her face heat up again, she looked down at her shoes. She forgot her socks—they were her favorite, too. “No. We didn’t.”

“Right—figured you guys would probably get caught up,” he wriggled his eyebrows, eyes darting to Matt’s sweatpants on her legs. “You two tend to do that.”

“We kept off your futon this time,” (Y/N) managed to smile, even just a bit. “But, I think we had a fight.”

“You think?”

“We had a fight,” (Y/N) corrected. She felt the eyes of the room burning into her skin, almost prying on her every thought. Of course, in reality, no one really gave a shit about their conversation. “Can we not talk about this here?”

“We can go out on the porch,” Foggy pointed a thumb towards the front door. “I don’t think anyone’s out there.” They both walked outside, the fall air nipping at their skin. (Y/N) pulled her jacket tighter around herself. “So… a fight?”

“It’s—uh—well, wasn’t pretty.”

“It wasn’t like, sexy fighting, right?” Foggy asked, his eyebrow pointed, “I know how wild you two can get and—”

“Like an actual fight, Foggy,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes, “we were surprisingly wearing a good amount of our clothes.” Excluding her top, but he didn’t need to know that. Foggy leaned against the porch railing, motioning for (Y/N) to continue. She groaned loudly. “It’s stupid, really…”

“Dude, if you’re feeling this conflicted about it, it’s not stupid,” Foggy reassured her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Your feelings are valid, you’re allowed to feel your feelings, (Y/N).”

“And you said you’d get nothing out of taking Psych 101,” (Y/N) teased as she pushed his hand off her shoulder. “Thank you, though. I needed that.”

“You don’t need to tell me the details,” Foggy sighed, “but Matt’ll probably spill the beans tonight when I get home so…?”

“You’re terribly nosey, Nelson,” (Y/N) snorted, “by all means, you can hear it from him.” Foggy didn’t budge. She sighed. “He… he said I wasn’t his girlfriend.”

“But you’re not his girlfriend?” Foggy repeated, voice laced confusion.

“Don’t you think I know that?” (Y/N) said, a hand flying to her forehead in frustration. She once again groaned loudly as her elbows met the railing. “He said that and I just—my heart just broke, you know?” Foggy merely nodded, his eyes laced with compassion. “I didn’t know how to react—guess storming out of your dorm was my best move in the moment.”

“He told you about his vacation?”

“With prissy little electric bitch?” (Y/N) said cooly as she squeezed her empty cup with vigor, the plastic cracking. “He only mentioned it after I pushed the information out of him. Christ, I’ve never even met this girl, let alone heard much about her and he’s already going on a weekend getaway?”

“She’s alright,” Foggy shrugged, “they’ve had this trip planned for like two weeks. Matt didn’t tell you about it until tonight? You guys have been hanging out like, every night this week.”

“Well, he doesn’t need to share everything with me, I’m not his girlfriend,” (Y/N) repeated Matt’s words from before. They sounded sour coming from her lips.“You know, it was Matt’s idea to do this? The sex stuff?” Foggy shook his head. “I was hesitant about it all. I was afraid that if we crossed that line I would fall for him,” she laughed, humor nowhere to be found. Foggy couldn’t find the words to say, taking a moment to recollect his thoughts.

“Did you?”

(Y/N) stared out at the street, a red car was passing by a little too fast, she couldn’t take her eyes off of it. In a blink, the car was gone and (Y/N) had no choice but to find something else to stare at. The streetlamp would do. “I-I’m not sure, Fog,” her voice was broken, wavering.

“Well, I can’t speak for Matt,” Foggy began as he dug his hands into his pockets, “but I know he cares about you.”

“I know he does, we’re friends—”

“Cares more than that,” Foggy added, “sometimes I think he cares about you like ten times what he cares about me. The man drops everything to be with you,” he laughed. “I mean, the guy goes out of his way to have a majority of his classes with you.”

“He doesn’t,” (Y/N) sniffled. When had she begun to cry? “We’re both law students, we’re bound to have a couple of the same classes,” she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

“I’m also a law student, how many classes do we have together (Y/N)?”

“We’ve only had the two, the one first semester and now one this semester,” she huffed, “you want me to think that Matt somehow finds his way to have all his classes with me?”

“Not to totally make him sound like a creep, but yeah,” Foggy chuckled airily, “I mean, you’re a smart lady, use your big almost-lawyer brain on that one.”

“It’s not all of my classes,” (Y/N) said sheepishly, “just like, half of them.”

“All I’m trying to say is that Matt stupidly and blindly—pun unintended—likes you a lot.”

“If he likes me a lot, why is he on a vacation with Electric this weekend?”

“Come on, it’s her name, man,” Foggy pushed her shoulder playfully, “even if it is kinda funny, it makes you sound like a bitter bitch.”

“Maybe I am a bitter bitch,” (Y/N) turned to Foggy, “maybe I’m more angry at myself for letting this happen,” her eyes pricked again with tears. “I should’ve said something.”

“He’s not on vacation yet,” Foggy replied, bumping (Y/N)’s side, “you still got time.”

“And what?” (Y/N) sniffed. “Profess my love before he leaves like some stupid, cliché rom-com? Should I bring a boombox, too?” Foggy’s face twisted into a devilish grin, cheeks rounding like apples. “W-what’s that look for?”

“You said love," he sang, poking her shoulder, “you love Matt Murdock.”

(Y/N) didn’t say anything, her mind racing with the words Foggy had placed so tenderly in her lap. Did she love him? She had never been in love before, so it was hard to judge what exactly she felt for Matthew Murdock. How she felt for him was different than how she felt for Foggy—their relationship more akin to siblings than anything else. This feeling was nothing like the love she had for her family, that love was more like a warm blanket, a hug after a long day. These feelings she had for Matt were like a wildfire—a hot burning, unpredictable and constantly growing. Maybe this was what love was. Maybe this is what their love was.

“I guess I do,” (Y/N) laughed as she hung her head. “I love him,” she repeated, mostly to herself, smiling in disbelief. Her eyes moved back up to meet Foggy’s, the fire of enthusiasm from their drinks hardening their stares. “So… are we splitting a cab?”

—

True to Foggy’s word, Matthew hadn’t left yet. Frankly, Matt hadn’t even really started packing for the weekend getaway. Was it procrastination? No, his mind was preoccupied with his and (Y/N)’s fight replaying in his brain, over and over again, silently wishing he had said something else, done something else. He just let her leave, somehow without her bra and socks. He’d have to give them back to her at some point, he made a mental note of it. If there ever was going to be that some point, of course. With how (Y/N) stormed out of his dorm, her heartbeat practically thumping out of her chest, he didn’t expect her to come back.

“Stupid…” Matt sighed to himself as he gingerly ran his thumbs over the lace on (Y/N)’s bra. He always liked this one, enjoyed the texture beneath his fingers, she obviously took note of that. He sighed again, head hitting his pillow as he fell back onto his bed. “You’re such a fucking idiot.”

For as long as it had taken (Y/N) to realize her feelings for her friend, Matt had been close behind. If someone were to ask him about it, he’d shoot it down, deny it faster than a politician. He even started seeing Elektra to get people off his back—get his mind off of her—with little success. Matt had a suspicion that (Y/N) started to feel something deeper for him about four months into their arrangement, with the way her breath hitched when he touched her, how her heart sped up more than normal. He wanted that suspicion to desperately be true, silently praying nearly every night that it could be. Why did he get so defensive? He ran their argument through his head nearly a dozen times by now, each time beating himself up for how he reacted. Deep in his thoughts, he hardly heard Foggy enter the room.

“Hey…” Foggy knocked lightly on their door as he entered, eyeing Matt on the bed. “I see (Y/N) left in a hurry,” he nodded towards the bra in Matt’s hands, stepping over her forgotten skirt.

Matt didn’t even have the energy to hide the bra, turning his head in Foggy’s direction, thumbs still rubbing over the lace. “She did.”

“She came to Tony’s party, you know?”

Of course he knew. Matt could smell (Y/N)’s perfume radiating off of his roommate, the mingling smell of smoke and alcohol close behind. “No,” he lied, “I didn’t.” Foggy rocked back and forth on his heels, hands behind his back, words desperately wanting to leave his tongue. “What do you want Foggy?”

“I don’t want to get involved,” Foggy sighed as he finally sat on his own bed, relishing in the comfort. “But I somehow get wrapped up in your drama, Murdock,” he laughed, “(Y/N) wasn’t doin’ too hot, man. Whatever you said to her—”

“What do you want me to say, Fog?” Matt sat straight up. “It’s too late to apologize,” his hand raked through his hair out of habit, “I don’t even know what to say.”

“I find that ‘I’m sorry’ is usually a pretty good place to start,” Foggy said honestly.

“It’s not that simple—”

“It seems pretty fucking simple to me, Matt—”

“We agreed it was just physical!” Matt shouted, effectively shutting his friend up. He didn’t mean to yell, he didn’t want to yell, it just happened. “Look,” Matt took a deep breath, his voice dropping back down to a normal volume—they didn’t need a noise complaint this late at night. “Whatever (Y/N) and I had going on, it was all just for fun, no strings, no feelings.”

“No strings? Really?” Foggy crossed his arms. “You care about her, yeah?” Matt nodded lightly. “You care about her like that, right?” Another nod—albeit hesitantly—from Matt. “So it’d be safe to assume that feelings were caught, right?”

“I don’t see your point.”

“Well frankly, you don’t see, period,” Foggy bit back a snicker, Matt tilting his head in disapproval. “Okay, you practically set me up with that one—”

“Foggy,” Matt persisted, his voice growing annoyed.

“Alright, if you care so much about (Y/N), why are you hanging with Elektra?”

“Elektra… sort of just happened,” Matt shrugged, “I wasn’t seeking her out—actually quite the opposite.”

“Yet you’re going on vacation with her?”

“It’s not—Foggy, it’s a weekend trip,” he corrected his friend, “I don’t even think I’m going to go,” Matt stood up and walked over to his dresser. A duffle bag he had loosely packed sat atop the poor excuse for storage the college provided. He had only placed two shirts in the bag, having gotten caught up in his thoughts to even finish.

“Are you gonna let Elektra know?” Foggy asked.

Matt shook his head. “I was about to text her,” he said as he grabbed his phone from the mess on his bed. “I had a lot on my mind.”

“Guess you did,” Foggy hummed, eyes flitting over to the window. “You should probably talk to her.”

“Elektra? Fog, I’m texting her right now—”

“No, (Y/N).”

Matt stopped his practiced typing on his phone, fingers so accustomed to the buttons. He stood silent for a moment before beginning his frenzy again. After another minute of silence, Matt tilted his head to the side and listened to his message played back to him, the robotic voice quickly filling the room. He was satisfied with it and sent it quickly. “I’m not even sure where she’d be right now.”

“If I had to guess,” Foggy smirked, his heart rate increasing just the slightest bit. Matt felt something was off, but didn’t push it. “Probably her place. That’s where I’d go after a party like Tony’s—hell, I’m at my place right now.”

“I can’t just show up to her place and drop all this on her,” Matt said, feeling almost defeated.

“Drop what?”

“You know what.”

“I’m not sure I do.”

“Foggy—”

“No,” Foggy stood up and practically flew over to his friend’s bed, standing square in front of him. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Say what?”

“I want to hear you say that you love (Y/N),” Foggy finally pushed out. Matt’s cheeks dusted a fair shade of pink, a look Foggy surely wasn’t used to seeing. Matt sat silent. “Come on, man. I know you do.”

“I—fine, okay,” Matt took a deep breath, his voice shaky, “I guess I love—”

“Ah!” Foggy slammed his hand against Matt’s mouth, effectively shutting him up. “I’m not the one who needs to hear that.” Matt pried Foggy’s sweaty hand off his mouth.

“You just said—”

“I know what I said, but don’t you think (Y/N) should hear it first?”

“You’re right.”

“I always am.”

“I—I’m gonna go find (Y/N).”

“Great,” Foggy flopped over to his bed, finally feeling the exhaustion of the night take over. “Make sure you use protection!”

“Great advice Fog,” Matt laughed as he made way to pull on his shoes. He quickly threw (Y/N)’s remaining clothing into his book bag, grabbing his cane next to their door. “I’ll be back—”

“Later, yeah yeah,” Foggy waved.

Matt laughed again as he rushed out the door, mind focused on getting to her dorm as fast as his feet could carry him. He was so focused on her, getting to her, that he nearly forgotten to play the blind part he knew oh-so well. A few taps of his cane would suffice for the very few onlookers this late in the evening, he wasn’t too worried about it after all. It wasn’t until he could smell it—smell the wafts of her perfume from across the quad that he finally stopped. So she wasn’t at her place after all. She was sitting on the steps of the library, her iPod gently playing some song Matt couldn’t put his finger on.

“Matt,” (Y/N) said, voice carrying farther than she had anticipated. Thank God she didn’t scream his name, they’d both be in for a shock. Matt turned his head fully towards her, his strides leading him to the base of the stairs.

“(Y/N),” Matt gripped his cane tightly, his knuckles turning white. Whatever he had planned to say to her completely flew out the window, his mind erased from the presence of her. He managed to pull the only words that Foggy had recommended out of the air. “I-I’m sorry.”

“For what? Acting like a complete douchebag?”

Matt cringed slightly at the insult, even if it was completely justified. “For saying what I said, lying to you,” he continued to drone, “talking to you the way I did. I’m sorry I didn’t run after you. I should’ve, but I didn’t.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I’m an idiot,” Matt said, earning a small laugh from (Y/N). It was a start. “Because I thought that it was for the best, keeping what we had where it was,” he felt (Y/N)’s burning gaze on him, silently urging him to continue to talk. “I know we agreed that this was just all physical—”

“I don’t think I ever agreed to anything—”

“What we had going on felt like it was just physical,” Matt said as he quirked his eyebrow. A smile tugged at this lips. “And, as physically wonderful what we had was, I just can’t justify keeping it as it is.”

“I don’t want to be friends, Matthew,” (Y/N) said honestly, almost agreeing to Matt’s previous words. “I can’t keep doing this, having you hold me so close for the night, longing so much in the hope that you’d hold me like that when the sun rose again,” she felt her voice falter. “I—I know you’re seeing Elektra—”

“I’m not, not anymore,” Matt cut her off quickly, taking a step up closer to her, “I can’t see her anyway,” (Y/N) smiled just a bit at the terrible joke, Matt felt her heart regain a somewhat steady pace. “Elektra was only ever in my life to keep my mind occupied.”

“Occupied? From what?”

“From you,” he said honestly. “Christ, ever since we started this I haven’t been able to get my mind off of you,” he took another step up, “the way you laugh, the incessant tapping on the desk you have a terrible habit of,” Matt smiled, taking another step, “how you feel laying next to me, the way we fit together so perfectly… It’s maddening, (Y/N), the hold you have on me.”

“I do?”

“You do,” he nodded, finally reaching (Y/N) on the steps, only a few below her. They were practically eye-level now, heights matched. “To think that anyone else could’ve fit where you so rightfully belonged was… stupid."

“Did you…” (Y/N) paused, afraid to ask what she had been dreading. “Did you and Elektra ever…?”

“Yes,” Matt said, his shoulders dropping in disappointment. “It was only the one time,” he reached out to touch her arm, she flinched at the contact, “but she wasn’t you.” Matt’s hand fell down her arm to her own hand, grabbing it lightly. His hand was calloused, surprisingly warm against her own. She felt his thumb trace careful circles on the back of her hand, the gesture calming her racing heart ever-so-slightly.

“Matt…” (Y/N) began, the words dying on her tongue. She needed to do this wisely, not rush out what she needed him to hear. “I’m sure you noticed, but I—Foggy recommended that I should try to do all this like an 80’s rom-com,” she laughed, gripping his hand tighter. “I don’t have a boombox, but my iPod should be doing the trick…”

“What song is this?” Matt tilted his head towards the sound emanating from their feet, iPod propped up somewhat poorly against her discarded jacket.

“You don’t know?”

“No,” Matt hummed, shaking his head, his brows furrowed in concentration.

“It’s the song that asshole was blasting in the library the night we—well, the first time we decided to,” she took a breath, “when our study dates became a bit less about studying.”

An airy chuckle left Matthew’s lips, grin lifting his cheeks. “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t exactly paying attention to the music that night,” (Y/N) chuckled back, “though the way you were practically singing for me later that night, I can’t ever get that song out of my head.”

“Shut up,” (Y/N) said bashfully, lightly hitting his arm in playful protest.

“I would argue that it’s my favorite song,” Matt shrugged, his grin growing wider at the feeling of (Y/N)’s pulse rising. “Either way, it’s endearing that you’re playing this,” he grabbed her other hand, “terribly romantic.” He began to lean forward, his heart practically pounding in his ears. (Y/N) pressed a hand hesitantly to his chest, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

“Are you sure you want this?” (Y/N) asked, voice barely above a whisper. “Are you sure you want me?”

“How could I ever want anything more?”

Almost to prove his words, Matt pressed himself closer to (Y/N), his lips catching hers as if it were the most natural thing in the world. This searing kiss was much different than any other the two had shared before—the way they both practically melted at the touch of their lips was enough to prove that very fact. While the few kisses they had before were equally as heavy, none of them had the force of passion coming from either party as it did tonight.

“I love you,” (Y/N) pulled away, hands cupping Matt’s face. She found herself wanting to remove his black glasses, badly wanting to look into his eyes, even if he couldn’t do the same. So, she did. With a featherlight touch, she placed his glasses in her pocket and found herself diving deep into his brown eyes, staring at the man she loved.

“I love you, too.”

Four words was all it took. Four words, and they were alright.

#matthew murdock x reader #marvel #matt murdock x reader #daredevil #mcu #zoo wee mama it's done lol #Matthew murdock #thank god because this had been sitting in my drafts all month and i just needed to finish it #FWB #foggy being a good friend #foggy being the best friend #foggy is too good for them #marvel imagine #matt murdock imagine

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sineala · 3 years

Note

How would you say fandom culture has changed over the years? What are some differences you notice between older and younger fandom folks?

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to answer this, and I’m not sure I have a really good answer, but I’m going to try.

I’ve been in fandom since approximately 1995. Maybe 1994. At that point, the world wide web was a relatively new part of the internet, and the fandoms I was in had most of their activity on privately-hosted mailing lists (predating eGroups/OneList/Yahoo Groups) and on Usenet newsgroups, with fiction beginning to be available on websites as part of either fandom-specific or pairing-specific archives as well as authors’ individual pages. Fanfiction.net did not yet exist. LiveJournal did not exist. AO3 definitely did not exist. If you wanted real-time chat, there was IRC. I was coming in basically at the tail end of zine fandom; zines were no longer the only way of distributing fanfiction, as fandom started to move online. So I have a selection of zines from 90s-era Western media fandoms but even by then zines weren’t where I was doing most of my reading.

I think in terms of generally “what it was like to be in fandom,” the big-picture stuff hasn’t changed. Fandom still produces creative fanwork and likes to, y’know, get together and talk about fandom. Also, almost every fight or complaint that fandom has about something is a thing that has been going on for actual years. People complain that, say, the kudos button is ruining comment culture because back in the LJ days the only way you could comment on a story was, well, by leaving an actual comment, or sending an email on a mailing list, and this might mean that people who would have otherwise commented have left a kudos instead. But back in the LJ and mailing list days, people were complaining that commenting was going downhill since the days of zines, when in order to comment on a story you had to write a real paper letter and mail it and because you had to do that, the quality of feedback was so much better than you got nowadays because people could just dash off a quick email or comment. You get the idea. Top/bottom wars are not new either. Pairing wars are not new. If you’ve been in fandom a while, you will pretty much have seen all the fights already. I think one thing that is new, though, is the fandom awareness of things like privilege and intersectionality and various -isms, as well as things like “providing warnings might be nice” (do you know how much unwarned deathfic I have read? a lot!) and I sure won’t say we’re perfect at any of this now, but I think fandom is trying way way more about all that stuff than it used to.

There are some fights we actually don’t have anymore, as far as I can tell. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve seen the “real person fiction is wrong” battle, but also I don’t hang out in a whole lot of RPF fandoms, so it’s possible that’s still going and I just don’t see it.

There also used to be a recurring debate about whether gay relationships that were canonical were slash or not. When slash started, obviously this wasn’t a question because there weren’t canonical gay relationships in fandoms, period. But as gay characters began to appear in media, people started to wonder “does slash mean all same-sex relationships, or does slash mean only non-canonical same-sex relationships?” Now, you may be reading this and think that sounds like an incredibly weird thing to get hung up on, but that’s because what appears to have happened is that the term “ship” (originally from X-Files Mulder/Scully fandom) has, as far as I can tell, come up and eaten most of the rest of the terminology. Now people will just say, “oh, I ship that.” For any pairing, gay or not, canonical or not. Fandom seems to have decided that for the most part it no longer actually needs a term specific to same-sex relationships as a genre.

Similarly, there are a few genres of fic that we used to have also pretty much don’t exist anymore. There are also plenty of genres that are well-entrenched now that are also extremely recent -- A/B/O comes to mind. But there are some kinds of fic we don’t write a lot of now. Like, I haven’t seen smarm in years! I also haven’t seen We’re Not Gay We Just Love Each Other in a while. There was also a particular style of slash writing where you’d basically have to explain, in detail, what made you think that these particular characters could be anything other than straight. You’d have to motivate this decision. You’d have to look at their canonical heterosexual relationships and come up with a way to explain why all those had happened in order to reconcile how this one guy could have romantic feelings for another guy. When had he figured out he wasn’t straight? Who might he have been with before? How does he interact with people in ways that make you think he’s not straight? That kind of thing. You had to, essentially, show your work. And these days a lot of fanfic is just like, “Okay, Captain America is bisexual, let’s go!” It’s... different.

Fandom also used to skew older, is my sense. A lot older. I don’t know, actually, if it really was older, but I get the sense now that there are some younger people who are surprised that adults are still in fandom. I have seen people saying these days that they think they’re too old for fanfiction because they are not in middle school anymore. And I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the barriers to access fandom are a lot lower than they used to be. You used to basically have to be an adult with disposable income (or know an adult with disposable income who was willing to help you out; but even then if you were reading explicit fiction you also had to swear you were 18+, usually by sending in an age statement to whoever you were buying the zine from or to the mods of the list you wanted to join, so a lot of fandom was very much age-gated). Internet access was not widely available. Even if you had internet access, you maybe didn’t have your own email address, so you couldn’t sign up for mailing lists; free email providers didn’t exist. If you wanted to buy zines, you had to have money to buy them. If you wanted to go to cons, you had to be able to afford the cost of the con, travel to the con, et cetera. If you wanted to have a website you had to know HTML. Social media did not exist. You want to draw art? Guess what, you’re probably drawing it on paper! You might be able to upload a picture to your website if you have a digital camera or a scanner, but both of those things are expensive, and also a lot of people don’t have the capability or the money to download pictures from the internet (some people have data caps with overage charges, and some people have text-only connections!), so they won’t get to see it. Maybe you can sell your piece at a con! You want to make a fanvid? We called them songvids, but, anyway, you know how you’re doing that? You’re going to hook two VCRs together and smash the play and record buttons very fast! If you want anyone else to watch them, you are either making them a tape personally and mailing it to them or bringing your vids to a convention. Maybe you can digitize them and upload them, but it’s going to take people hours to download them!

(Every three hours my ISP would kick me off the internet and I’d have to dial in again. If it was a busy time of day, it might take me 20 or 30 minutes to get a connection again. And that was assuming no one else in the house needed to use the phone line. Imagine if your modem went out every three hours now.)

And now, for the cost of my internet connection, I can read pretty much whatever fanfiction I want, whenever I want it. I can see all the fanart I want! I can watch vids! Podfic exists now! Fanmixes exist! Gifsets and moodboards exist! If I want to write fic I can write it with programs that are completely free, and as soon as I post it everyone in the entire world can read it. If I want to draw or make vids that may require some additional investment, but I may also be able to do it with things I already have. Do you have any idea how good we all have it?

There are a couple of kinds of fan activity that don’t seem to exist anymore, though, and I miss them. I know that roleplaying still goes on, but I feel like these days most people who do real-time text roleplay have switched to things like Discord. I know that in the LJ days, RP communities were popular. But I really miss MU*s (MUDs, MUSHes, MOOs, MUXes..), which were servers for real-time text-based RP with a bunch of... hmm... features to aid RP. There were virtual rooms with text descriptions, and objects in virtual rooms with descriptions, and your character had a description, and they could interact with the objects as well as with other characters, and you could program things to change descriptions or emit various kinds of text or take you to different rooms, and so on. Just to, y’know, enhance the atmosphere. It was fun and it was where I learned to RP and I’m sad they’re pretty much gone now.

I also don’t think I see a lot of fanfiction awards in fandoms. Wonder where they went.

Going back to the previous point, the barriers to actually consuming the canon you are fannish about are way, way, way lower now. You can pretty much take it for granted that if right now someone tells you about a shiny new fandom, there will be a way to read that book or watch that show or movie right now. Possibly for free! Of course you can watch it! Why wouldn’t you be able to?

This was absolutely, absolutely not the case before. I’m currently in Marvel Comics fandom. If there is a comic I want to read, I can read it right now on the internet. I have subscribed to Marvel Unlimited and I can read pretty much every comic that is older than three months old; the newer ones cost extra money. But I can do it all from the comfort of my own home right now. I was also, actually, in Marvel Comics fandom in the nineties. If I wanted to read a comic, I had to go to a comic book store and hope they had it in stock; if they didn’t, I had to try another store. Not a lot of comics were available in trade paperback and they definitely weren’t readable on the internet. I used to read a lot of Gambit h/c fic set after Uncanny X-Men #350. I never found a copy of UXM #350. I still haven’t! But I did eventually read it on Unlimited.

Being in TV show fandoms also had similar challenges. Was the show you were watching still on the air? No? Then you’d better hope you could find it in reruns, or know someone who had tapes of it that they could copy for you, otherwise you weren’t watching that show. It was, I think, pretty common for people to be in fandoms for shows they hadn’t seen, because they had no way to see the show, but they loved all the fanfic. The Sentinel had a whole lot of fans like that, both because I think it took a while for it to end up in reruns and because overseas distribution was probably poor. So you’d get people who read the fic and wrote fic based on the other fic they’d read, which meant that you got massive, massive amounts of fanon appearing that people just assumed was in the show because it was a weirdly specific detail that appeared in someone’s fic once. Like “Jim and Blair’s apartment has a small water heater” (not actually canonical) or “Blair is a vegetarian” (there’s an episode where his mother visits and IIRC cooks him one of his favorite meals, which is beef tongue).

Like, I was in The Professionals fandom for years. I read all the fic. I hadn’t seen the show. As far as I know, it never aired in the US, and it certainly never had any kind of US VHS or DVD release. I’d seen a couple songvids. I eventually saw a couple episodes in maybe 2003, and that was because my dad special-ordered a commercial VHS tape from the UK and paid someone to convert it from PAL to NTSC. I didn’t get to see the whole show until several years later when I got a region-free DVD player someone in fandom sent me burned copies of the UK DVD releases and then I special-ordered the commercial release of the DVDs from the UK myself. But if I were a new fan and wanted to watch Pros right now? It is on YouTube! For free!

I think also one of the things about fandom that’s not immediately evident to new fans is the way in which it is permanent and/or impermanent. There are probably people whose first fannish experience is on Tumblr or who only read fanfic on FFN and who have no idea what they would do if either site, say, just shut down. But if you’ve been in fandom a while, you’ve been through, say, Discord, Tumblr, Twitter, Pillowfort, Imzy, DW, JournalFen, LJ, GeoCities, IRC, mailing lists. And sure, if Tumblr closed, it would be inconvenient. But fandom would pack up and move somewhere else. You would find it again. It would, eventually, be okay. Similarly, if you’ve been in a lot of fandoms, if you’ve made a lot of friends, drifting through fandoms is like that. You’ll make a friend in 1998 because you were in the same fandom, and then you might go your own ways, and ten years later you might be in another fandom with them again! It happens.

But the flip side of that is that I think a lot of older fans have learned not to trust in the permanence of any particular site. If you like a story, you save it as soon as you read it. If you like a piece of art, you save it. If you like a vid, you save it. Because you don’t know when the site it’s on will be gone for good. I have, like, twenty years of lovingly-curated fanfic. And I feel like people who have only been in fandom since AO3 existed might not understand how much AO3 is a game-changer compared to what we had before. It’s a site where you can put your fic up and you don’t have to worry that the webhost is going out of business, or that the site might delete your work because they don’t allow gay fiction or explicit fiction or fiction written in second person or fiction for fandoms where the creator doesn’t like fanfiction, or whatever. Because all of those things have absolutely happened. But, I mean, I still save pretty much everything I like, even on AO3, just in case.

So, basically, yeah, fandom is a whole lot more accessible than it used to be. I think fandom is pretty much still fandom, but it’s a lot easier to get into, and that has made it way more open to people who wouldn’t have been able to be in fandom before. There is so, so much more now than there ever was before, and I think that’s great.

#Anonymous #replies

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taestefully-in-luv · 3 years

Text

Always You | JJK (Nine-pt2) (Final)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 15k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (!!!), mentions of sex, thigh riding, fingering, switch!jk, switch!oc, unprotected sex, multiple postions, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, blowjob, marking

Notes: The end is finally here! But no worries I will most likely do drabbles for you guys:) Thank you SO much for reading this story and sending so many loving comments. Enjoy this last chapter of ‘Always You’ and feel free to send me an ask to chat about the story, I LOVE talking with ya’ll!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @hsneptune @betysotelo18 @aclowe13 @bishuthot @271101 @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @surfacesanity @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch @not-your-lion @flowersgirl02 @justinetingball @fiantomartell @fairysunooo @taebae19 @hardcarrykookie @fancycollectormoon

~~~~~~~~~~~

New Year’s Eve

You get backed into Jungkook’s dorm room door, his hands scrambling to find the knob as his lips devour you. You whine when his teeth catch your bottom lip, Jungkook darkly chuckles when he hears you.

“You like that?” he finally gets the knob turned and the door is opening, you two quickly stumble in.

“More than you know.” You whisper.

Jungkook guides you further into his dorm room, his hands finding a place on your ass as you walk inside.

“I hope I do a lot of things you like…” Jungkook pulls you in close, your chest against his.

“Because I…”

“You what?” You look up into his doe eyes and he seems shy almost for a moment before they’re darkening.

“Nothing.” He smirks down at you, “I just hope I make you feel good.” His whisper hits your lips and you feel yourself grow warmer. You know this may not be a great idea…you know this could even be considered a mistake but here you are anyway—inside Jungkook’s room, anticipating a special night ahead of you

“You already do.” You admit. “Want you to kiss me now.” You command softly.

Jungkook looks into your eyes for a few more moments while his smile grows. He nods his head and leans in, his forehead touching yours but he does not kiss you. His hands travel from your ass, gliding up your back until his hands are bunched up in your hair.

“How badly do you want to kiss me?” His breath mingles with yours as he speaks.

“Jungkook…” you whimper, your own hands finding his hair.

“I—”

“How badly do you want me?” his fingers begin massaging your scalp and you melt.

“As bad as I want you?” He asks, his voice so soft and tender, like he is whispering a secret.

“Jungkook…” your breathless call of his name has his cock twitching in his pants. You can feel it against you, making you so god damn turned on.

Your chest begins heaving against his as you search for a steady breath, but with his forehead still pushed up against yours it is so hard to. His breaths aren’t any better, he struggles to breath slowly when he is in this position with you.

“Don’t worry I will kiss you.” His rough breaths reach you, “But I plan on doing so much more than that, baby.”

Jungkook leans in until his lips meet yours, he only pecks you, letting you get use to the shape of his lips. He begins to move his mouth over yours a bit more sensually, his lips exploring your own as you kiss him back. You tug his hair to bring him in even closer and Jungkook grunts, making all the heat rush to your core. The noises he makes are heaven to your ears.

Jungkook continues to kiss you slowly…that is until you moan into his mouth—Jungkook felt that vibrate his whole body and he can’t help but buck his hips into yours, making you moan again. Jungkook takes advantage of your mouth slightly falling open to slide his tongue in, he tangles it with yours and you whine out. Kissing him faster and harder until he slips his own moans into the mix. His voice is so low when he speaks and when he grunts but when he moans out, it’s the sound of him losing all control.

You become so pathetically desperate, your hands rubbing against his back, his chest, his ass, his thighs. Jungkook isn’t any better as he also explores your body, his fingers skimming over the exposed skin of your stomach thanks to the crop top. He drags his fingers up, underneath the shirt, until he’s cupping your breasts. You arch your back, pushing your chest even further into his.

Jungkook doesn’t break the kiss as his hands explore you, your pebbled buds rolling between his fingers. You whimper at the contact and Jungkook groans. He pulls away from you, staring at you with dark eyes.

“Let’s take this off.” He tugs on the bottom of your shirt, “Need to see you.”

You nod your head yes and Jungkook is quick to lift the shirt over your head, exposing your breasts. He brings a hand to his mouth as he eyes you, he screws his eyes shut before they’re opening again…his soaks you in.

“So fucking pretty.” He murmurs. You can’t help but begin to feel shy under his gaze, you go to cover yourself with your arms but he stops you.

“Baby…don’t cover yourself…not in front of me. Not me, baby.” His hand gently drags your arms back down to your side,

“Jungkook…” You breathe out and he rolls his head back, groaning at the sound of his name.

“You have to take something off too…” You say with a sly smile, “Like, your pants.”

Jungkook quirks a brow at you, clearly amused that that’s where you want to start.

“You want me to take my pants off first?” he smiles, his fingers fumbling with the button and zipper of his pants. “I can do that.”

Jungkook rushes to slip his pants off, one leg at a time. Your eyes follow his every movement, drinking him in. He slides down the jeans exposing his dark boxer briefs and your mouth already starts watering. You can see his impressive bulge through the thin material and you have to squeeze your thighs together to soothe your ache. His thighs. His fucking thighs. Jungkook’s thighs, that’s it.

“Take your shirt off too.” You quietly command and Jungkook listens. He slips off his shirt and he’s left here in nothing but his boxer briefs. His muscles on full display. You walk closer to him and reach out to touch him. As soon as your fingertips makes contact with his soft skin, he is closing his eyes and releasing a long breath.

“Want to touch me more?” he asks under his breath and you nod. You walk even closer until you’re pushing him back on his bed. He falls gently to the bed, he sits up and reaches out for you. You walk between his legs and continue touching him.

Your hands travel along his chest, dragging your fingers down his abs. Both of your breathings become erratic as you explore his body, your hands then go to grip his strong thighs and you groan upon feeling the muscles.

“God, I fucking love your thighs.” you breathe out huskily, “They always get me going.” You confess, digging your fingers into the muscular flesh.

“Want to ride them?” Jungkook looks at you with submissive eyes.

“Really?” you are already pushing him back, causing him to lean back on his arms and you climb into his lap, straddling him. His hands land on your ass, gently squeezing the cheeks. You moan at the feeling of his hands on you, leaning down to peck his lips once more before you hike up his briefs to expose more of his thick thighs. You decide to straddle the left thigh, your skirt exposing your panties that are doing nothing to hide the fact that they’re soaked. You feel his thigh muscles flex beneath you and you throw your head in the crook of his neck, your fingers pulling at his wavy locks.

Jungkook groans as you pull harder on his hair as you begin to rock your hips against his thigh, a nice and steady rhythm…back and forth, back and forth. Your clit rubbing against his muscles so deliciously, you think you could come in seconds but you want to savor this feeling.

“Use me baby.” Jungkook slides his hands up your thighs, and grabs a hold of your hips, guiding your movements to fuck his thigh faster and harder.

You rise from his neck, throwing your head back as you whimper softly as you hump his thigh faster and faster.

“Ah, Jungkook” you moan out his name and Jungkook feels his cock twitch in his briefs. He could come just by watching you.

The knot inside you tightens incredibly, you feel your orgasm approach quickly and before you can warn him you’re already coming undone, a string of high pitched moans leaving your mouth.

Jungkook watches you with lust-filled eyes, his lips parted as he pants. “Fuck, that was so hot y/n.” his hands caressing your hips.

You’re still so lost in the orgasm you just had, surprise tickling your insides as you realize just how fast you came just by riding Jungkook’s thigh. Your chest still heaves as you force yourself to relax, your head coming forward to rest on Jungkook’s shoulder. He chuckles beneath you, his hands squeezing your hips.

“Felt good?” his right hand travels to cup the back of your head.

“So good.” You say as you crash your mouth onto his, your lips kissing him desperately.

“All I want is for you to feel good.” Jungkook admits softly, his hands drop to your waist and he circles his thumbs over your skin.

“I want you to feel good too.” You lean down to kiss him slowly, tenderly, delicately, basically all things soft. He kisses back with a certain degree of passion and it makes you whine.

“Could. Kiss. You. All. Night.” Jungkook huffs between kisses, “But really want to do more.” The desperation in his voice goes straight to your pussy…you just came but you’re feeling hot all over again.

You look down at his thigh and see your cum on his skin…it’s fucking glistening. You admittedly feel a bit shy seeing it, but also feel a degree of power. Jungkook notices you looking down at the mess you made and he smirks.

“You used me so well, baby.”

“I did.” You say with a sly smile. “I don’t want it to end any time soon…” you say quietly.

“Oh, this night is just beginning.” Jungkook’s fingers go to the zipper of your skirt and begins sliding it down. “Tonight until morning, you are all mine.”

You feel your heart pinch, just until morning he says? Then you have to make tonight count.

“All yours.” You repeat. You begin to leave his lap, standing to your feet. You stand in between Jungkook’s legs and reach for your skirt, you shimmy out of it, letting it drop to the floor. It pools around your ankles and you’re quick to kick it away from you.

You stand in front of Jungkook in just your black, lacey panties. His eyes drop to your ankles and they skim up your body, he takes his time eyeing you over. His breaths are beyond heavy as he watches you stand here on display for him, his cock unimaginably hard and aching to be touched.

“C’mere, baby.” Jungkook’s words are barely a whisper. “Come lay down for me.”

You crawl over Jungkook to lay on his bed, you breathe in and out as steady as humanly possible but the world just feels like it’s on fire all around you. Once you find a comfortable position you whisper his name, Jungkook’s full attention is already on you. Jungkook moves too until he is positioning himself over you.

“Tonight I am going to touch you, is that okay?” His fingers find themselves in your hair as you nod yes.

“Words.”

“Yes.”

“Tonight I am going to taste you, is that okay?” He leans down to kiss your lips.

“Yes.” You say breathlessly as he pulls back just a few centimeters.

“Tonight I am going to fuck you, is that okay?” He lowers himself until his clothed cock is rubbing against your needy clit.

“Y-Yes.”

Jungkook lets an approving smile dance on his lips before he leans in and crashes his lips on to yours. He rocks his hips into your hips as he kisses you like crazy. His tongue finds its way prodding into your mouth, your tongues dancing and tangling with one another. You both moan at the sensation. Finally. Fucking finally you get to feel what it’s like to kiss Jeon Jungkook. What it feels like to have him so needy for you.

Unfortunately, Jungkook has pulled away from you a small look of worry gracing his beautiful features.

“You sure this is okay?”

“Yes, Jungkook.”

“Is it?” He asks again.

“Is this okay?” Jungkook keeps asking you, his fingers bunching up your hair and you nod pathetically.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you? Since I fucking met you.” He admits, his fingers traveling down to your panties, he pushes them aside as he dips a finger into your wet hole. You moan out, your moan loud and high pitched and Jungkook can’t help but smirk.

“Please…”

“Please what?”

“Another finger.” You practically fucking beg, and Jungkook complies quite easily. He slips another finger into your greedy fucking pussy and you yelp. He moves his fingers inside you so fucking expertly, making your toes curl.

“You make me feel so good.” You whimper out.

Jungkook can’t help but reach down and rub his aching cock through his briefs, he wants to feel good too. He is absolutely aching for you, wanting to be touched by you so badly.

“Stop touching yourself” you command and Jungkook being the good boy he is, listens.

“Make me come, Jungkook.” And once again, he complies. He makes you come all over his fingers and then he makes you come again on his tongue and then for a third time, he makes you come on his tongue again making you feel fucking spent. He did all that while keeping your panties on, a man of many talents.

“Lay on your back.” You order and his eyes go wide with excitement. You lay down next to him and your fingers very delicately dance across his lower stomach. He sighs out heavily, releasing long breaths one after the other. Your fingers reach the waist band of his briefs and you begin to slowly drag them down. His cock springs free and your mouth waters at the sight. There’s no way he is this blessed. He’s so incredibly long and thick, the head of his cock swollen and leaking with precum.

“You wanted to touch yourself right?” you tease. “Now’s your chance.”

“W-What?”

“I want you to touch yourself, Jungkook. You can use my juices as lube,” you say, spreading your legs, your own cum sticky against your inner thighs.

Jungkook’s doe eyes turn sharp as he stares at you and he whimpers. Fucking whimpers. He is quick to gather your juices in his hand and start jacking himself off. He holds on to his cock tightly, rubbing it viciously.

“Ah. Ah.” He groans out, his eyes never leaving yours as he touches himself.

“Such a good boy, Jungkook. God, can you imagine if this gorgeous cock was in my mouth right now?” you whisper in his ear.

“Can you imagine my pretty pink lips wrapped around you, my head bobbing up and down? Can you hear me choke? Choke on this pretty cock?”

“So close, y/n. please don’t stop.”

“You’re not allowed to come yet. Can you imagine fucking me, Jungkook?

“God, yes, yes, yes.”

“Can you imagine thrusting into my pussy? My walls getting tight around your cock? Making us both come?”

“Fuck, y/n. I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come.”

You raise yourself, leaning away from his ear and smirk down at him.

“Since you were so good for me, I’ll reward you. I’ll let you come. And I’ll let you come down my throat.”

You move until you’re on top of him, you lean down until you’re replacing his hand with your mouth. He groans out loudly when he feels his cock enter your warm mouth and you moan into the feeling.

“Fuuuuuck.”

And Jungkook is coming so fucking hard, he doesn’t think he has ever come this hard before. He shoots his cum down your throat and you swallow it all, not even a drop left behind on your lips.

You rise from his cock and smile down at him and he lifts himself up and his lips crash into yours.

Jungkook pulls away for a moment, his eyes dark and his voice low,

“Now I am going to fuck you.”

The bed creaks beneath you as Jungkook guides you further up the mattress, his body hovering your own. His hands come to slide up your arms as you shiver under his touch.

“I’m giving you goosebumps.” He says while lightly stroking your arm, feeling each bump under his fingertips. “What else do I do to you?”

“So many things Jungkook…” you heavily breathe out, your chest is heaving at this point. The anticipation of his touch is driving you nuts.

“Need to find out.” He simply states, his head lowering down to the crook of your neck. He breathes you in and lowers himself between your spread legs.

“Can I touch you again?”

“Yes, please.” You don’t mean to whimper, but you do. You fucking do.

Jungkook’s slender fingers make their way skimming across your bare stomach until he reaches the hem of your panties. He lifts the band up and slaps it against your skin.

“I want these off, is that okay?”

You only nod your head.

“Words y/n. When you’re with me you use your words okay baby?” His fingers begin lowering your panties down. “Lift yourself for me.” And you obey. Jungkook slides your panties down your legs and you’re left completely naked underneath him.

“God, I can just see how wet you are.” You immediately force your legs shut, feeling embarrassed at his words.

“Oh no you don’t. You got this wet for me? I want to see it. Open for me, baby.” Very hesitantly you begin to move your legs apart, the blush on your face deepening.

Jungkook’s fingers spread your folds open, he watches as strings of your cum detach as he spreads your folds further and further apart. He licks his lips over and over, just imagining tasting you again.

“Please more, Jungkook.” You whine for him and he smiles, his eyes never leaving your wet pussy.

Jungkook leans down and his mouth is just an inch above where you fucking need him, he hovers over your pussy making you groan out. He finally shifts his eyes from your core to your eyes, the eye contact is dangerous. Before you know it, his tongue is poking out and swirling around your clit, you cry out in pleasure. His fingers find their way inside your hole, they stretch you out so fucking nicely.

“Jungkook!” You moan out his name and he grunts back in approval.

Jungkook makes his way back to your lips, he kisses them over and over while he thrusts his fingers in and out of you.

“So fucking pretty, my baby.”

“You’re all mine.”

“My pretty baby.”

His cock slides between your wet folds and you can’t take it anymore. You need him, you need him so fucking bad. The desire you feel for him is very fucking real and he can feel that.

“Please, Jungkook!” You gasp out, as he teases his cock at your entrance.

Jungkook slides his gorgeous cock into you inch by glorious inch. His cock twitching inside your pulsating pussy, his harsh breaths fanning your face. Jungkook slams his eyes shut, his teeth gritting in anticipation as he waits for you to give the ok. You only gasp for air as he bottoms out, his dick reaching places no one ever has before, you slowly nod your head giving him permission to fuck you into oblivion. He says he could, so you’ll believe him. .

Jungkook opens an eye to look at you carefully, your face contorted in pleasure showing him how you are indeed okay to go on. Jungkook’s hand massages your hips, his touch setting your skin on fire. He begins to slowly ease out of you until just the tip remains then he slams his hips into yours. His body falls forward and he lifts your head up with his free hand and brings you closer for a wild kiss. He grinds himself into you deliciously, his hips rocking back and forth causing you to moan out for him over and over.

“Please…please.” You pant, rolling your hips into his as you meet his desperate thrusts.

“Please what, princess?” he breathes out heavily, “Told you that when you’re with—” He begins fucking into you faster, “When you’re with me…to use your words.” His pace is bruising, causing you to choke on the air around you.

“Please, harder.” You manage to get out while gripping on to his wide shoulders, your finger nails digging into his soft skin.

Jungkook smirks down at you, his eyes shining with something you can’t quite describe.

“Harder?” he questions, his lips coming down to suck bruises into your neck. “Deeper too?” he bites a particular spot that makes you groan.

“Just—just need more of you…” you grab his hair by the handful and yank his head back and bring his face to yours. Your lips meeting his.

His tongue slips past your lips, tongues dancing to the beat of his thrusts. His cock is buried so deep within you that you feel you are no longer a single person but now a person merged with another. You have never felt more connected.

Jungkook growls at the sight of you—your lips apart and eyes barely open. Your head is thrown back showing Jungkook all the pretty blooming bruises on your skin.

“So fucking pretty.” He grits out, eyes lit on fire.

You’re barely able to respond as he thrusts into you even harder, your tits bouncing with each movement.

“Gonna come soon…” he says between heavy breaths, his pace becoming sloppy.

“Gonna come inside me?” you cry out, your fingernails digging into his back.

“Need you to come with me baby”

You could of came from his cock alone, that you are sure of but when his fingers meet the sensitive clit of yours, you are seeing stars. He’s rubbing messy circles, easily sliding around from how wet you are, his fingers getting drenched.

It’s almost embarrassing how quickly his fingers bring you to orgasm.

You gasp out, voice hoarse from all the moaning and screaming he’s drawn from your body. “fuuuuuucckk.” You whine, your orgasm has you breathless.

“I—I’m coming…” he pants in your ear, his breath tickling your sensitive skin.

He fucks into you quickly before stilling his hips and shooting his cum deep within you, decorating your walls. He doesn’t move. You don’t move. He stays buried to the hilt, breathing heavily into the crook of your neck. You aren’t much better, your breaths also harsh. You look to the nightstand to read the clock that says 4 AM. Fuck, what did you do?

You just fucked your best friend.

You and Jungkook lay in the bed next to one another breathless. You don’t want this night to end. You don’t want morning to come. You want to be his forever, not just until morning. You don’t want reality to set in. You don’t want any awkward goodbyes. You don’t want any of this now that you think about it.

Was this indeed a mistake? Do you…regret it? How do you move past this? How do you go from here?

“y/n…” Jungkook is staring up at the ceiling as he says your name, his breaths finally coming down to a steady rhythm.

“Hm?” you take several long moments before you respond, but you do.

“Will you come closer to me?” He asks quietly. “You’re so far away.”

“I’m literally right next to you.” You kind of chuckle.

“Want you closer though…” you can hear the pout in his voice, you don’t even have to look at him to know his bottom lip is jutted out.

“You want to…cuddle?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You can cuddle me.” You say, turning on your side, away from him.

You hear Jungkook laugh from behind you as his naked body comes closer to yours, he inches closer and closer until his chest is flush against your back and his arm is draping over your waist.

“Fine by me.” He says as he gets comfortable.

You can feel his soft cock up against your ass and you hate that the feeling is already making you feel some type of way.

“Just try not to wiggle your ass so much or I’ll have to fuck you again.” Jungkook whispers in your ear.

His words kind of go straight to your pathetically weak vagina, that bitch really gets turned on for anything related to Jungkook.

“I’ll try.”

“Oh? So you didn’t choose this position because you want to get fucked again?” Jungkook chuckles, he holds on to you tighter.

“This position makes me feel safe.” You admit softly. “But I could definitely get fucked again.”

“Do you feel that?” Jungkook bumps his cock on your ass, you can feel that it’s not as soft as before. “Feel what you do to me?”

“How are you already getting hard?” You laugh, “You just came.”

“It’s your fault. I am so needy for you.” He admits between heavy breaths, “But if you’re tired—”

“No, I need you too.” You say to him, you try to sound sexy but in reality there is a softness in your voice, maybe even something kind of sad. Because you realize just how badly you need him, not just want him but need him.

“Do you?” Jungkook asks with the same tone of voice as you…soft and almost sad.

“More than you know, Jungkook.”

“Baby…”

Before you guys can get too serious, you decide to wiggle your ass into his crotch. He immediately grunts and you feel his cock become harder and harder as you continue to rub your ass on him.

“Need you so bad.” You quietly scream, most of the noise being shielded by the pillow.

“Me too, baby.” Jungkook’s hand goes to grope your left breast, he squeezes it softly and his fingers find your hard nipple and he rolls it between his fingertips.

“Ahh.” You arch your back, your ass being even more shoved into his crotch.

“Gonna fuck you again, okay?” He cries out, “Gonna fuck you just like this.”

Jungkook reaches down to grab a hold of his long, thick cock and he spreads your cheeks to get a better positioning on your pussy.

“Please Jungkook!”

He slowly, very slowly eases inside you. You’re so wet, it almost takes no effort on his part. You whine when he bottoms out again. He kisses your shoulder over and over and lightly bites it causing you to squeak.

“This time I am gonna fuck you slowly.” He warns, kissing your shoulder again, trailing up towards your neck, and kissing the spot below your ear over and over. Jungkook embraces you as he begins fucking into you, he pumps in and out, the sound of your wetness echoing in the room.

“Feel nice?” He whispers in your ear, “I just want you to feel good baby.”

“I…feel so…so…good.”

Jungkook lifts your head up slightly so he can slip his other arm beneath you, and that hand finds its way to your throat, he wraps his fingers around it quite loosely before he asks you if it’s okay.

“Yes, yes.” You beg.

He lightly squeezes your throat as he fucks into you a little harder than before, his other hand still playing with your nipple until that hand is traveling lower and lower. His fingers find your clit and he begins rubbing it nice and slow.

“Gonna have you coming again tonight.” He whines, “You’ll think of me anytime you come from now on, okay?” His desperate voice making you hotter and hotter.

“Okay.” You nod your head pathetically.

“No. I want to hear you say it, ‘I’ll only think of you Mr. Jeon.’” He half jokes, fucking into you a little faster now.

“I’ll only think of you Mr. Jeon.” You say in all seriousness. “Only you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he soaks in your words and he smirks.

“Always me. Say it.”

“Always you.”

Jungkook thrusts into you faster and faster, hitting even more sensitive spots thanks to this angle. He groans and moans, and cries out every few moments. You feel too damn good, you feel like something he can only experience from you. You make him feel so fucking in love.

He doesn’t want this night to end either, he can just keep you like this forever. You can stay in a world where the sun never rises, you can stay in this place where darkness is the most comforting thing and the light of day is the enemy.

“Ah, there. There.” You practically sob out, “Yes Jungkook, fuck me just like this.”

His fingers rub your clit even faster, making you closer and closer to reaching your high.

“I’m so close, Jungkook.” You somehow manage get out between heavy breaths.

“Come for me baby.”

And you do. He works his fingers so magically that you come, but he doesn’t stop thrusting and he doesn’t stop his work on your clit.

“Jungkook…” you cry, “I—I can’t.”

“Give me another one.” He screws his eyes shut. He tries to memorize how you feel. How warm and wet and slippery you are. How your tight cunt squeezes him, how it holds on to his cock and milks him dry.

“I—I c-can’t.” Your eyes roll to the back of your head, the pleasure turning slightly painful, but somehow turning pleasurable again.

“Baby, please come for me again…same time as me.” Jungkook rolls his hips into you so slow and sensual until he’s fucking you at a brutal pace.

You immediately yell out, the pleasure so fucking overwhelming.

“Okay Jungkook…okay, I will come for you again!”

“Good girl.” His fingers rub your clit so quick, he focuses half his energy into pleasuring your clit and the other half into fucking you so fucking well.

“I’m gonna come…” he finally admits, he pumps into you so fast, rocking and shaking your whole body.

“Come for me, Jungkook.” You beg, your eyes slam shut, a few tears escaping because the pleasure is nothing like you have ever experienced.

“I am—I’m coming.” He warns, “Where should I come?”

“Inside me, please!”

And he does. As he comes inside you he holds you close and buries his head in your hair, his fingers still working your clit as you come as well.

He doesn’t want to leave you. He doesn’t want to pull out, he wishes he could stay inside you like this forever, he wishes he could hold you like this forever.

Your body shakes as you orgasm, its intensity something you have only ever dreamed about. Your skin has a thin layer of sweat, as does Jungkook’s. You two practically stick together. Jungkook continues to bury his head in your hair as he breathes out heavily.

“Did I…” Jungkook begins, trying so hard to breathe, “…make you feel good?” he slowly pulls his softening cock out of you.

“Baby, I felt amazing.” you turn over in his arms and embrace him, your forehead pushed against his shoulder. “But I am so fucking tired.” You laugh.

“Yeah,” Jungkook agrees, “Me too.” He laughs along with you.

“We should sleep.”

“Want to sleep naked? Or do you want some of my clothes?”

“Clothes, please.”

“You got it, princess.”

The light of day, your enemy, makes its way to greet you. You wake up in Jungkook’s arms, he’s wearing a fresh pair of boxers and so are you! Plus one of his t shirts. You slowly open your eyes and see his face just an inch away from yours. You want to kiss him…but is that allowed? What’s allowed anymore?

You lay here just staring at him. You were supposed to tell him your feelings, you were supposed to confess last night. But instead you fucked him. You fucked your best friend. A guy who is used to just fucking. A guy who probably just wanted to fuck you.

You study Jungkook’s face, you look at how his brows slightly pinch together as he sleeps, you look at the scar on his cheek, you look at the several moles that cover his skin, you look at his pretty eyelashes and his cute, adorable nose. You look at his perfect lips. And you want to lean forward and kiss them so badly.

Jungkook finally starts to wake up, as if he felt you watching him. He begins to open his eyes one by one until he’s staring back at you. He looks between your bodies and sighs. Yes, he sighs. If you couldn’t guess, this doesn’t feel like a good sign.

“Hey.” He finally says something. His voiced tense and strained.

“Hi.” You don’t smile.

“Should we get some breakfast?” Jungkook begins to sit up from bed, he stretches his arms above his head as he yawns out.

“Uh. No, it’s okay.” You say, also sitting up. So he doesn’t even want to talk about it? He wants to what? Pretend it didn’t happen?

“Oh, you going to head out then?” Jungkook raises a brow at you and you scoff.

“Sure, if that’s what you want.”

“What do you mean if that’s what I want?”

So, he wants to treat you like any other girl, huh? He wants to just brush off this entire situation.

You stand from the bed, gathering your clothes and slipping them on one article at a time. Jungkook watches as you practically get naked in front of him without a care in the world as you slip on your outfit from last night.

“See you later, Jeon.”

But you didn’t see him later, not for an entire month.

“y/n?” you kind of, barely hear your named being called in the distance, “y/n?

“y/n????”

“Huh?” Your hand is midair, applying your mascara for the night, “What?”

“Damn, girl. I’ve been saying your name for like 5 minutes straight.” Trina says as she tries getting these black jeans over her ass.

“That’s an exaggeration.” Holly says, she walks into the room with 3 wine glasses and a bottle of white wine.

“Okay, well it felt like 5 minutes. Anyway, what’s up with you? Why you zoning out so much?”

You begin applying your mascara again, your mouth falling open as you concentrate.

“Nothing…just thinking.” You say while finishing up on your other eye.

“Thinking about what? I swear I heard you moan at one point.” Trina laughs her loud ass laugh and you roll your eyes.

“The past, to be honest.”

Trina quirks a brow, her hand going to her hip as she gets a look at you.

“The past can be a dangerous place, honey.” She advices and you roll your eyes again.

“Just reminiscing.”

“Trina is sort of right though, y/n…what about the past are you thinking of?”

You stand up from your place on floor and spin around, showing your friends the final look for tonight,

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You wink.

“We would like to know, that’s why we asked.” Trina deadpans. “But you look beautiful.”

You do a little curtsey and wink at your friends, “Thanks, I know.”

“Girl, you have been feeling real good all day. What exactly happened on your Christmas trip? You have been at work for the past 5 days, I have had hardly any time to catch up with you.” Trina whines obnoxiously.

“I needed to work, I became so broke because of Christmas.” You explain, you dig around your dresser for the lipstick you want to wear tonight. It’s a plum shade, it compliments you well.

“So what happened?” Holly pries, pouring you three a glass of wine.

“Hmm…” you put a finger to your lips, “Secret.” You giggle.

It’s been 5 days since you have seen Jungkook, things ending quite nicely after the trip to your parents. You two shared a sweet kiss on your last night. It wasn’t like you guys were drunk, or there was crazy sexual tension. It was sweet and meaningful…at least, that’s what you choose to believe.

You have been in an unbelievably fantastic mood since. It’s new year’s eve and you see Jungkook tonight. You are beyond, beyond excited. You guys have only texted a little bit…unfortunately you have been really busy working doubles for work. But tonight you plan to see what is up with you two. You lacked the courage four years ago but tonight you are feeling different, feeling confident.

“Jimin should be here any second.” You point out to your friends, “I’ll go grab him a wine glass.”

“Kay.” Trina and Holly say.

You make your way into the kitchen when you hear knocking on your door…must be Jimin, you think. You go to open the door when you see Jimin standing here looking fucking gorgeous! He’s got on a suit, his hair pushed back and freshly dyed black.

“Wow, what a stunner.” You comment, “You’re always one upping me!”

“Me? Babe you look so beautiful, what the fuck.” He gestures towards your body. “Anyway, let me in.”

“Yes, come in, come in. I was just getting you a wine glass…”

“Wow, you didn’t already have one for me?” Jimin takes off his shoes and steps into the apartment. “Where’s the other girls?”

“In my room.” You point down the hallway, “Go, go. I’ll bring your glass.”

Jimin winks and heads towards your bedroom, you walk inside the kitchen and pull a wine glass from the cabinet. While having a moment alone, you pull out your phone from your boobs and send a text.

y/n 8:32pm

cant wait to see you tonight:)

Jungkook 8:33pm

I also can’t wait baby

Your mind goes back to 4 years ago…the night you two shared. You think about how good Jungkook made you feel, there was so much love even then. You know you can’t be making this up in your head. You are certain Jungkook feels the same. You smile to yourself, feeling confident and satisfied.

~~~~~~

Jungkook gets ready in his room, he decided on a dark suit tonight, with a black turtle neck, all black. His hair is split to the side, showing quite a bit of his forehead. He eyes himself in the mirror when he hears knocking on his front door. He decides to let Nick get it because it might be one of his friends.

“Vanessa!” Jungkook hears Nick draw out her name excitedly. Shit, she’s early. Jungkook looks at himself in the small mirror one last time before walking out of his room to meet with Vanessa.

“Hi.” She says simply, “Nice to see you.” Her coy smile makes its way on to her face and Jungkook smiles back.

“Nice to see you too.”

“Did you have a nice Christmas with y/n?” she asks, her sweet smile all the sudden making Jungkook feel a bit of guilt. Right. He needs to talk to her. Let her know what happened between you two. She deserves at least that, she has been a good friend and also girlfriend for the most part.

“Vanessa—”

“You guys ready to go? My friends will meet us there.” Nick interrupts excitedly. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

Jungkook sighs out and nods his head in agreement.

“Yeah, let’s get going.” He can try to talk to Vanessa while at the party, when they can get a moment in private.

The three of them leave the apartment, Nick locks it behind them and they head towards Jungkook’s car. Jungkook opens the car door for Vanessa and she sits inside, placing her glittery purse on her lap.

Jungkook strolls to the other side of the car and opens his car door when Nick clears his throat grabbing Jungkook’s attention.

“What?” Jungkook quirks a brow at Nick, waiting expectantly.

“You aren’t going to open my car door too?” Nick jokes, gesturing towards the backseat.

“Ha-Ha.” Jungkook deadpans, “Get your ass in the car or I am leaving without you.” Jungkook smirks and gets inside his car.

Jin’s house is a good 40 minutes away, but with Jungkook’s driving he can make it in 30. He turns on the radio at a decent volume, the three of them bobbing their heads to some classical rock station. He wants to focus on the road. But he head is full of you. It’s New Year’s Eve…I special date for the two of you. Four year ago exactly, he slept with you. And from then a bunch of unsaid feelings and lots of tension has unraveled. And he’s tired of it. It had been a fucking journey. Where he has been an idiot for way too long. And if he’s being honest he’s starting to believe you’ve been an idiot too.

“What’s on your mind?” Vanessa asks smoothly. “You seem preoccupied.”

Jungkook turns his head towards Vanessa for a few seconds before settling his eyes back on the road in front of him.

“We can talk about it later.” He says while eyeing oblivious Nick in the rear view mirror.

“Hm? Okay.” She agrees easily, tapping her fingers on her purse.

Exactly 30 minutes later, Jungkook is pulling up to Jin’s home. There’s so many cars parked on the street, he thankfully manages to parallel park. He gets out of the car, trotting to Vanessa’s side to let her out. Nick waits expectantly for Jungkook to open his door too. Jungkook walks to his side and opens the backdoor.

“Really dude?” Jungkook can’t help but laugh.

“It’s only fair.” Nick sticks his nose in the air dramatically, he can’t help but break character and laughs. “I’m just fucking with you dude, but thanks” he exits the car as well.

The three of them walk up the long driveway to reach Jin’s front door, Jungkook is surprised Vanessa hasn’t complained about how her feet are hurting in her heels already.

“Such a long walk to his house, my feet hurt already.” Oh, there it is. Jungkook grins at her consistency.

They finally reach the front door, they can hear the booming music already even with the door still closed. Jin knows how to throw a party so of course the music is going to be terribly loud.

“Do we just walk in?” Vanessa asks.

“Yup.” Nick responds, pushing through the front door. He leads the way excitedly, eyes searching for his friends.

“Let’s go.” Jungkook says with a soft smile and Vanessa follows.

And that’s when his world stops. He sees you. And you look breathtaking.

You’re standing across the room laughing with Jimin, your hair tied up in a loose bun and your make up fucking glamorous. At least Jungkook thinks its glamorous…he doesn’t know much but you look striking. You’re wearing a long black dress with a deep neck line, the tops of your breasts on full display, and when you turn around to chat with someone behind you, he sees that there is hardly any material covering your back. Its cut into a deep V and he swears his breath catches in his throat. He wants to touch all your exposed skin.

“Oh, there’s your friends.” Vanessa says nonchalantly. “She would go say hey?”

Jungkook is already walking towards you, like he is being drawn to you.

“And I said, babe I am only making out with you for this spicy McChicken.” Jimin finishes his story, and you are dying of laughter. Your eyes small and close to closing when you spot Jungkook coming towards you and your heart stops. Fuck, he looks so handsome. And then your heart really stops when you see her. Vanessa.

“y/n!” Jungkook calls out to you with a bunny grin. “You look, I mean, wow.”

Your eyes shift from him to Vanessa over and over, not totally understanding what she’s doing here? You thought they broke up?

“Hi Jungkook. Thanks.” You say quietly. “And hi Vanessa…didn’t know you would be here tonight.” Your eyes slide back to Jungkook and he gulps.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Vanessa links arms with Jungkook, “Why wouldn’t I come with my boyfriend?”

Boyfriend? You blink at her a few times then snap your head to Jungkook who is looking at you with panic filling his eyes.

“Wait, wait.” He rushes to say but you’re already nodding your head in understanding and walking away from him. You push past him with a harsh bump of the shoulders and roll your eyes upwards. You cannot believe this. You know you did not create everything in your head. You know this has got to be some misunderstanding, it fucking has to be. But that doesn’t stop you from bubbling over with anger. You feel hurt and betrayed.

“y/n wait!” you hear Jimin call out, running after you. He catches up to you and grabs your arm but you shove him off. You don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Not even Jimin.

“Please leave me alone.” You huff out and Jimin smiles at you.

“Like I could ever do that.” Jimin takes your hand and leads you outside to the backyard where it’s a little less occupied.

“Spill. I want to know everything.” Jimin rubs your back, “but don’t cry because your make up looks awesome.”

You can’t help but laugh as your eyes become watery but you’re quick to blink away tears that may try to form.

“Christmas. We had some good development. Or so I thought. Him and Vanessa were broken up and—” then it hits you, he did say it was only until New Year’s…but he also said they probably wouldn’t get back together so?

“What kind of development?”

“We sort of hooked up one of the nights…not sex but definitely hooked up.” You start to explain and Jimin frowns.

“Sexual stuff isn’t new between you, right?” Jimin reasons. “Did you have any real development? Like, feelings type shit?”

“Well no—”

“y/n…” Jimin groans, “You aren’t giving me a lot to work with here.”

“We kissed.” You hurry to say.

“And?”

“You don’t get it, it wasn’t like a horny kiss or a drunk kiss. It meant something.” Your eyes water again.

“What did it mean?”

“I—I don’t know.” You admit.

“Jesus, babe.” Jimin frowns again, “I don’t know how to help. But figure it out because you have until the end of the night before I harass you two.”

“Jimin, please don’t do that.” You quietly beg.

“Sorry, but I got to do what I got to do.” Jimin smiles at you with pity. “Just trust me, okay?”

“Okay…For now, let’s drink mother fucker!” you yell out more excitedly, trying to show Jimin you’re okay for now.

“About Vanessa though…”

“Don’t want to talk about her. Don’t want to think about her and Jungkook. I just want to drink and find someone hot to make out with.”

Jimin for the third time tonight, frowns again.

“Whatever will make you happy.” He says, gesturing you to walk back inside the house.

You two make it back in, you rush to Trina and Holly when you spot them in the kitchen taking shots.

“Me too, me too!” you yell out.

“Hell yeah girl!” Trina laughs loudly, she pours you and Jimin a shot and hands them to you guys.

“To us!” Holly sings and you 4 clink your shot glasses together and throw back the…oh, it’s vodka. It fucking burns, even though its expensive and supposed to be smooth…it still fucking burns.

“Let’s take another one.” You suggest like a maniac. “And then another one!”

“Girl, we still got to make it to midnight.” Trina chuckles, “But at least one more can’t hurt.”

You 4 take another shot, and you and Jimin take a third. The alcohol fucking burns man, like BAD. But you endure it. Loving that soon enough you will be facing the effects that it offers.

“Okay let’s just sip on mixed drinks for now…” Jimin goes to grab two solo cups and pours a bit of vodka in each before topping it off with cranberry juice.

“Here.” He hands you the cup and you start chugging it back. “Hey, slowly.” He warns and you wave your hand, brushing him off.

“It’s fine.” You begin to slur out. “I’m fine.”

Jimin needs to find Jungkook. Asap. But he doesn’t want to leave you alone so he searches to living room for Trina and Holly again but he doesn’t see them.

“Who you lookin’ for?” It’s a deep voice that Jimin is all too familiar with.

“Taehyung!” Jimin claps excitedly, “Thank God you’re here.”

“I’m here too.” Yoongi waves his hand awkwardly, “Nice to see you again, Jimin.” His gummy smile makes an appearance.

“You too, Yoongi!” Jimin’s smile widens. “I’m glad you’re both here. I need you to babysit y/n.” he gets out quickly.

“Babysit?” Taehyung tilts his head to the side in confusion, “Why?”

“Need to take care of something, please make sure she doesn’t drink—”

“Tae!!! Yoongs!!!” you yell out, walking closer to your friends once you see them. The vodka finally starting to have an effect on you, you jog up to them and bring them in for a hug.

“I have your—your Christmas presents in my car.” You slur out with a wide grin.

“We can exchange gifts later,” Yoongi offers with a smile, Taehyung nods his head in agreement.

“Okie dokie.” You boop Yoongi’s nose and start giggling. “Hey, where did Jimin go?” you didn’t even notice Jimin slipping from your line of vision but it’s okay because your two other friends are here.

“y/n!” You hear you name being called, and for the first time tonight you are seeing the party host himself.

“Jin!!” He walks up to your group, says hello to everyone and pulls you in for a quick hug. He’s wearing an all white suit with a black trim. He looks beautiful!

“Wow, Jin.” You slur, “You look Chef’s kiss!”

Jin laughs his silly laugh and blows you a dramatic ass kiss with his hand. “Thanks darling. You too!”

“Thanks, I know.” You wink and he nods approvingly.

“Yeah y/n, you really do look beautiful.” Taehyung gives you a smile and you feel your heart begin to glow. You watch as Yoongi nods his head and agrees.

“Thanks guys.” You say softly.

“Namjoon and Hobi are here too, I know they’re going to want to see you guys. Come on!” Jin motions to one of the bedrooms, “We’re playing a game.”

“Ah, okay!” you holler in excitement.

The four of you walk towards one of the rooms and enter it, it’s full of people, much more than you were anticipating.

“What game?” you slur out, you hold on to Taehyung for support as you walk. One hand gripping his arm and the other hand gripping your cup.

“Hobi wants to play spin the bottle.” Jin chuckles.

“What is this? Middle school?”

“He just has someone he wants to kiss.” Jin teases, “Let’s entertain him, shall we?”

You find a spot on the floor between Taehyung and Yoongi, you sit on your knees since you’re in a dress and are a fucking ladylike bitch. You start gulping back your drink and laugh at nothing, the alcohol really in your system now.

“Okay, we know how this game works because we’ve all been 12 before.” Namjoon speaks up, “So let’s get it on with.”

“Woo!” Hobi stands up and does a little dance before sitting back down, his excitement very fucking evident. It almost makes you feel like maybe this could be fun. Maybe you’ll end up kissing a hottie.

Taehyung is the first to go, he spins the bottle and it lands on a girl you’ve never met before, but she’s pretty. You see Taehyung blush hard, and he whispers “Do I really have to do this?” you nudge him forward as you say yes.

They share an innocent kiss and it’s the person on his left’s turn. Meaning you go fucking last.

You just want to kiss someone’s lips tonight, you want to forget all about Jungkook and Vanessa. You just want to forget.

“y/n? y/n?” Yoongi rubs your shoulder, “Hey, it’s your turn.” He points at the bottle.

Oh shit, okay. You lean forward and spin the bottle. It spins and spins, god it is making you dizzy. It finally slows down and you wait in panic as it finally starts coming to a stop. And then bam, it finally stops. You just stare at the bottle. Too afraid to see who it landed on. It’s pointing towards your right so you very slowly begin tilting your head to the right until your eyes meet with someone else’s. He’s got really dark, short hair. And very dark, captivating eyes. His lips form into a smirk and begins crawling towards you.

“Ready?” his deep, husky voice asks. You stare into his eyes and nod your head.

He leans forward and kisses your lips, it’s simple—short and to the point but boy, it went straight to your vagina. This guy is hot. And you’re sort of drunk and a little sad and horny. He leans back and smiles at you, a sleazy type of smile but you kind of dig it. He goes back to his spot and you watch him for the rest of the game. He kisses 2 other girls after you, you kiss some random dude and also a random girl. But his kiss is the one staying in your mind.

You wonder if Hobi has kissed who he’s wanted yet? You don’t know, but you’re sort of over this game. You lean into Yoongi’s side and announce your departure, Yoongi agrees with you and you both tell Taehyung who decides to stay.

“I’m glad we aren’t in there anymore.” Yoongi admits, he pulls out his phone and his face lights up. “Hey remember that person I mentioned? Well I did ask her out…I invited her to this party and she said yes.” He smiles, “And she’s here.”

“Oh!” you grin at your friend. “Go get her then!”

“Will you be fine by yourself?” he asks, clearly worried.

“I’m a big girl.” You assure him “I’ll be fine.”

Then Yoongi is on his way out, you stand around the living room, half ass dancing to whatever song is on when you feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn around to see the dude from earlier.

“Hey.” He yells over the music, “Want to dance?”

You eye him up and down quite shamelessly, he’s got a short sleeve button up with his biceps on full display and you pant at the sight. He’s definitely hot that’s for sure.

“Sure.” You creep closer to him and start moving your hips side to side to the beat of the music.

“Don’t you want to learn my name?” he teases.

“Not really.” You slur out, you kind of like the mystery.

“Want to tell me yours?” he smirks down at you, his hand going to your waist.

“Not really.” You repeat with a coy smile.

“I sense you’re a good kisser.” He leans into your ear and whispers.

“You can tell just from pecking my lips?” you tease, your arms wrapping around his thick neck.

“Yes. But let me see if I am right?” he leans in closer, testing the waters and you allow him.

“Oh? You’re smooth, huh?”

“I try to be.” He admits, closing the distance between you two. His lips slant over your own as he kisses you. He’s quick to prod his tongue in your mouth, a little too quick for your liking but you’re feeling a bit desperate so you welcome him inside your mouth. You two start making out heavily on the dance floor, bodies grinding into one another. Jungkook, who?

All you know is mystery man!

Ouch, that thought alone makes you cringe. You have your tongue down some guys throat right now but Jungkook begins filling your mind again. Maybe you need another drink.

You pull away from mister hot stuff, and catch your breath.

“I need another drink.”

“I’ll go get us some.” He cheeses hard, leaving your side to find you two some fresh drinks.

You stand here a bit awkward now that you are alone, jeez, how much time has passed? You pull your phone out of your purse and check the time.

It’s already 11:35pm? Holy shit. It’s almost midnight. But that’s not the only thing you see, you also see a bunch of texts from Jungkook.

Jungkook 9:50pm

Where are u? PLEASE let me explain…

Jungkook 10:09pm

y/n…It’s not what it looks like I seriously swear

Jungkook 11:07pm

Please talk to me, I don’t want to bother you but if you want to talk please I am here

Jungkook 11:26pm

Fuck I am going crazy

You click your phone off and hesitantly roll your eyes, you are drunk. You don’t want to deal with this right now. If Jungkook wants to talk to you so badly he can try to come find you.

~~~~~

“What’s there to even think about?” Jimin’s exasperated tone makes it to Jungkook’s ears. “Just fucking tell her the truth!”

“She probably won’t even let me talk to her, I’ve tried texting but nothing.” Jungkook says quietly.

“Yeah because you need the fucking balls to go to her in person!” Jimin throws his hands up, “Like, fucking duh. Why are you such an idiot?”

“Can we be nice to me right now? I am going through a hard time.” Jungkook pouts. Then there is knocking heard on the bedroom door, Jimin eyes the door and rolls his eyes.

“It’s probably her again.” Jimin states, “Talk to her.”

“It’s complicated…she thinks we are in a relationship and…” Jungkook throws his head into his hands. “Fuck dude.”

The knocking on the door continues when Jimin finally opens it, letting Vanessa inside.

“Look, Vanessa…” Jimin begins when Vanessa is holding up a hand to stop him.

“Jimin is right, Jungkook.” Her smooth voice drowns out the other sounds of the party.

“Huh? About what?” Jimin asks confused.

“Yeah about what?” Jungkook asks just as confused as Jimin.

“I believe he said, and I quote ‘You need the fucking balls to go to her in person’…I believe it was something like that.” She tilts her head with wide eyes. “Yes, something like that.”

“But Vanessa…” Jungkook looks up at her, pity in his eyes. “What about us?”

“Let’s be honest, Jungkook. There is no ‘us’. But we are friends.” Vanessa admits easily, “One of us should get our happy ending.” She says softly. “I’m glad that person can be you, you just have to go for it, no matter what. It’s sitting right in front of you, you just have to reach out and grab it.” She finishes with a soft, genuine smile. “Now go. You only have like 15 minutes until midnight.”

Jimin stands here fucking shocked. He didn’t realize Vanessa had that in her…to be fair, he doesn’t know her. Maybe she does have a good side? Jimin blinks at her and at Jungkook until he’s knocking out of it.

“Yes, Jungkook, go! Don’t make the same mistake as 4 years ago. Courage, man.” He gives him a dramatic thumbs up and Jungkook chuckles. He looks between Vanessa and Jimin and stands up…he looks at them with a determined expression and nods his head.

“Thanks guys. Happy New Year.” And he’s out of the room.

~~~~~

Mister hot stuff is back in your arms as you two dance the night away, it’s about 15 minutes to midnight and you guess this is how you are spending your new year. You laugh at basically nothing as you sway your hips into his when you feel a hand grab your shoulder.

“Hey man, can’t you see we’re dancing?” Mister hot stuff says to the stranger. You finally turn in your place to see Jungkook staring at you with a hard expression.

“Go away.” You wave him off and turn back around to dance with this hot guy.

“No.” he says, “You’re coming with me.” He begins pulling on your arm towards the direction of the rooms. But you yank your arm back and look at him incredulously.

“Can’t you see I’m busy?” you point towards the hot guy and laugh.

“y/n.” he growls your name and you shudder. “Come with me, right now.”

Your face falls, and you weakly roll your eyes at his command.

“Fine.”

“Hey, man. Not cool.” The hoy guys grabs on to Jungkook’s shoulder and Jungkook is quick to shove him off.

“Fuck off.” Jungkook snaps, his eyes narrowed at the hot guy and the hot guy steps back with his arms up in surrender.

“Alright alright, you can have her.”

“Jungkook what do you want?” you yell out. Jungkook faces you and his eyes soften, he loosens his grip on your arm and slides his hand down until he’s holding onto your fingers.

“Not here.” He says softly. “Just come on, please.”

You nod your head and follow him, he leads you to an empty room. It has a bed and a sofa at the edge of it, pretty cozy looking room, you don’t think you’ve seen this one before.

“We really need to talk.” Jungkook says as he closes the door, you make your way to the sofa, sitting down.

“What’s there to talk about?” you pick at a loose string on the sofa.

“Everything. And I mean, everything.” Jungkook takes a seat next to you. “First,” he begins his explaining, “Me and Vanessa aren’t together. She and I just hadn’t had a chance to speak yet. I promise you, her and I aren’t anything more than friends.”

“Today was the first time I’ve seen her since we broke up, and she did mention our break was over on New Year’s but Nick was around and I just—I just didn’t have the chance to tell her it’s over. I swear y/n.”

You watch Jungkook’s mouth as he speaks to you, you watch the way it curves up and down, you watch as he repeatedly darts his tongue out to lick his drying lips. You watch as every word spills out between his lips. Truth or lies?

But why would Jungkook lie?

“So…you two are…no longer together?”

“We haven’t been together for weeks.” He admits. “I promise, please believe me baby.”

“I do.” You sigh out, “I was…I really thought you guys were back together…” you release another heavy sigh. “I was so heartbroken, Jungkook.” You choke out.

“Fuck, I know. I can only imagine.” He squeezes his eyes shut for a few moments.

“That kiss…” you begin, “Our last night at my parents…” you remind him.

“Yes, I know the one.” He smiles softly.

“It meant something, didn’t it?” your voice cracks, you have to believe it did.

“It meant everything baby.” Jungkook scoots closer to you, “But let me tell you more.”

“Okay…” you agree, your fingers still pulling at the loose thread on the sofa.

“4 years ago on New Year’s Eve… I was supposed to have the courage for what I am about to do right now.”

“4 years ago?” you question, your eyes meeting his.

“y/n I was supposed to tell you I had feelings for you.” He finally admits. “But we slept together and things have been messy ever since.”

“Wait, wait.” You pull the thread from the sofa. “You were going to confess to me? On New Year’s…4 years ago?” you breathe out heavily, getting choked up again. “Are you serious?” you chuckle bitterly. Realization hitting you.

You remember Jimin’s words, something about your timings being so hilarious yet so cruel.

Your eyes gloss over and you reach your hand out to touch his, you pinch your brows together as you struggle to breath properly.

“Yes, I was going to tell you my feelings…and if you felt the same I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend.” He admits shyly, finally getting rid of this fucking secret that has haunted him for 4 years.

“Your girlfriend?” You sniffle hard, you wipe your nose with the back of your hand, snot leaving it’s traces behind. “You liked me?” you ask, still in disbelief. “Because this is just…this is so ridiculous.” You laugh as a few tears leave your eyes.

Jungkook can’t help but frown,

“Ridiculous?”

“We really are so stupid” you laugh again as you really start crying. “Fucking idiots.” You murmur. Jungkook only becomes more confused.

“Jungkook…I was supposed to confess that night too.” You say between bitter laughs. “But we slept together and I thought for sure you didn’t feel the same…” you start explaining. “But now hearing this I realize why Jimin has been so fucking frustrated with us.”

“You—you were going to confess? 4 years ago? On New Year’s Eve? The same night I was going to—”

“Yes. Yes.” You nod your head over and over. Jungkook looks off to the side, realization hitting him so unbelievably hard. “And now?” he finally asks. “Because I fucking love you. Like, in love with you.” He sputters out quickly, his furrowed brows making him look so cute. You notice his own eyes are glossy as he waits for you response.

“Jungkook I have been in love with you for 4 years.” You admit, your voice cracking as more tears spill from your eyes. “We have just been so fucking dumb. All this time…” you sob out.

Jungkook laughs as he sniffles, he scoots closer to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder, bringing you into his chest.

“Come here my baby.” He holds on to you tightly. “I’m here. Now and forever. I’ll always be here. Always me.”

“Always you.” You repeat. “Always you.” You cry into his suit jacket, and he rubs your back lovingly.

Suddenly loud yelling is heard from outside the door, both of your attentions caught. You both hear chanting of numbers…the countdown has begun.

The noise of loud and obnoxious cheers can be heard from outside the bedroom door and you wipe your tears and snot away with the back of your hand. Jungkook tugs on the sleeve of his shirt then very gently cleans off some of the mascara that runs down your face. He smiles at you softly and you smirk.

“Are you going to kiss me Jeon?” you lean your head up, “Or do you need Jimin to dare you?”

“From now on, I will be kissing you whenever I want. Okay?” he leans down and catches your lips in a tender yet heated kiss. You immediately moan into his mouth, loving that this kiss is the first of many where you are his and he is yours. He pecks your lips a few times before his lips travel down your jaw and down the expanse of you throat. You moan out again and he pulls away from you and smiles.

“I know you’re drunk.”

“Doesn’t mean I am not hyper aware of everything right now.” You try but Jungkook shakes his head. “I know what we can do.”

“I hope it has something to do with your dick inside me.” You say quite seriously. Jungkook laughs out loud and shakes his head, “A close second to that.”

You quirk a brow at him, clearly amused.

“I know this great diner. It’s 24 hours. And it’s a place we can talk and talk and laugh and maybe hold hands because we are definitely going to be one of those couples that sit on the same side of the booth.” He teases.

“Oh definitely not.” You giggle. “But the diner? I think I love that idea.”

“Yeah? Think they’re open?”

“Let’s call.”

Jungkook excitedly gets his phone and googles the number for the diner, calling them right away. He’s only on the phone for a short while, getting confirmation that they are indeed open.

“Let’s go baby.”

~~~~~

You and Jungkook are driving back from the diner, it’s almost 6 am. He is driving to your place and when you guys arrive he parks and turns to face you.

“We’re here.” He says with a smile.

“Come inside.” You say quietly, “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I guess you are pretty sober now.” He teases.

“Hey, who said it’s because I wanted sex?” you joke, “Maybe I just want to sleep.”

“I love sleeping with you, so it’s a win-win situation for me.” He grins, he leans forward and unbuckles your seatbelt. “Shall we?” he gestures towards the apartment.

You walk into your place, it’s slightly chilly—Holly must have turned down the AC before you guys left. You shiver and Jungkook wraps an arm around you, warming you up almost instantly.

“Are you trying to make a move on me?”

“Always.” He responds back, he leans into your side and places a chaste kiss on your lips, catching you off guard.

“Kiss me again.” You practically beg.

“After we get ready for bed, my love.”

Your heart starts beating out of your chest when you hear your new pet name. You fucking melt, you literally put your hand over your heart in attempt to calm it down.

“God, I want to suck your cock so bad.” You release a harsh breath making Jungkook chuckle.

“Maybe later. Right now let’s get ready for bed.”

You two go into the bathroom and wash up, you finally get to properly clean your face from your tears and mascara. Jungkook did a decent job at cleaning you up but now you are actually nice and fresh faced. You head into your bedroom and slip out of your dress, you slip on one of Jungkook’s t shirts and decide to forgo pants altogether. Panties and oversized shirt for the win.

“Comfy?” Jungkook asks as he walks into your room with nothing but his boxer briefs on.

“Yes.” You say, looking yourself up and down. “I love this shirt.”

“I know you do.” He teases, “Let’s get into bed.”

You peel back your covers and slip between the sheets, the feeling so nice and silky. You moan out in satisfaction when your head hits the pillow.

“Join me.” You whisper to Jungkook

He gets under the sheets himself, and scoots close to you, his arm going beneath your head and his other arm pulls you.

“I love you.” He whispers softly. “So fucking much.”

“I love you too, babe.” You inch closer and meld your lips to his, he grunts in approval when you start kissing him, the passion building between you two.

Your hands explore the front of his body and he moans into your mouth, your hands travel further and further south until your hand finds his hard cock. You cup his cock and start rubbing on it, causing Jungkook to detach his mouth from yours to cry out in pleasure.

“Fuck.” Jungkook gasps out. You detach your fingers from his clothed cock when you find the waistband of his briefs and you begin to slowly pull them down. The tip of his cock poking out so deliciously, precum dripping and you grow thirsty.

You pull the briefs down even lower, exposing his thick dick. You gently grab it and stroke it softly, ultimately teasing Jungkook. He whines at the skin to skin contact, he screws his eyes shut in pleasure, waiting for you to make your next move.

You sink lower into the bed, your head now face to face with his dick, and Jungkook swears he can die now. He looks down at you, his hands finding their way into your hair and breathes out heavily. You look up at him with submissive eyes and he smirks, he loves when you’re in control but he also loves when you’re like this—a good girl for him.

“Gonna suck my cock, baby?” He guides your head with your hair to get closer to his dick. “Gonna suck on me so good?”

“Do I deserve your cock?” you asks cutely.

“I think you’ve been a very good girl, you can suck my cock all you want.” Jungkook’s other hand goes to your face, his thumb rubbing at your bottom lip. “Open.” And you listen. You part you lips for Jungkook and he thrusts two fingers into your mouth and you begin swirling your tongue around them.

“Such a good girl.” He breathes out, “I know you’ll suck my cock so well…can you show me?”

You frantically nod your head yes and he smirks.

“Then get to it baby.”

The moment your lips wrap around the head of his cock, Jungkook is throwing his head back as his eyes roll. He really, truly, honestly doesn’t know how long he will last for. You take his cock further into your mouth, you moan around it and Jungkook whimpers out pathetically. He’s only ever dreamed of this. You have had your mouth on his cock, but not like this.

“So good baby.” He cries out as you bob your head up and down on his throbbing length.

You take him fully into your mouth, every flick and swirl of your tongue sending chills all over his body. You begin bobbing your head even more, sucking his swollen cock generously. He can’t help but meet you half way, his hands on the back of your head, thrusting into your throat, his head tilt back groaning yourname. You swell with pride, you moan around him, the vibrations causing him to moan and jerk his dick away from your pink lips with a pop.

“I am so fucking close to coming baby.” He admits between rough breaths. “But I want to come inside you.” He grabs a hold of your arms and guides your body up the mattress. “Next time let me come all over your pretty tits, okay?”

You smile at him, its soft and seductive. Your lips are swollen and your hair is a fucking mess. You look sexy as hell, Jungkook thinks. His hand finds your hip and he massages it, until his fingers are gliding down lower and lower. He finds your clit, nice and aching for him…as soon as he applies some pressure to it, you let a high pitched moan escape your lips. He starts rubbing your clit over and over, he begins gathering your wetness and without warning he sticks two fingers inside your desperate hole.

“Oh fuck.” You gasp out. “God, yes.” You feel his fingers start to scissor inside you, stretching you out.

“Gotta make sure my cock fits in this tight pussy.” Jungkook breathes out erratically. He continues to thrust his fingers inside you before he’s pulling them out and shoving his fingers into your mouth.

“Taste yourself.” He begs. “And tell me how you taste.” You suck on his fingers and drain them of all flavor. “How is it?”

“Good.” You say out of breath. Jungkook pulls his fingers out of your mouth and leans down to kiss you, his tongue licking you up.

“You’re right baby. You taste so fucking good. Ready for me?” he asks desperately.

“Yes.” You moan. You two rush to rid yourself of the remainder of your clothing, until you are both naked under your covers.

“I just want to let you know that I seriously love you so much. And I cannot believe how dumb we are.” You laugh, “But I feel so happy to be here in this moment with you.”

“I love you too baby.” Jungkook leans down to kiss you, your lips moving against one another slowly.

“Will you lean back for me?” you ask as you rise from the bed, you begin pushing his chest back and you climb into his lap, straddling him. You’re both naked so straddling him feels very different this time. His cock constantly slipping between your wet folds and you both groan. You grab on to his hard length and rise up, slowly teasing his cock at your entrance. Jungkook stares at you with lust filled eyes, his breathing so insanely erratic as he breathes in and out. Almost like he’s afraid he won’t be able to handle this.

“Breathe baby.” You say with a smirk as you slowly sink down on to his cock, you whimper out from the burning stretch you feel and he loses his fucking mind. He moans out so loudly, his whines and whimpers echoing throughout the apartment. God, you feel so fucking good. You sink until his dick is shoved all the way up your pretty pussy, you hesitate to move. You bask in the feeling for a few moments, giving yourself time to adjust. And you think Jungkook needs a moment as well. He is losing his mind, and you haven’t even started riding him yet.

You lift yourself and lower yourself back down on him, a few controlled moves. You try to set a steady rhythm as you start riding his cock.

“That’s it baby.” Jungkook sits up, his head falling into the crook of your neck and his hands on your ass, helping you fuck him. You rise up from his lap again and slam back down with more force, Jungkook moans out and you start to feel more motivated. You bounce on his cock for him, and Jungkook begins to meet you half way as he thrusts upwards.

“Fuck, you are making me lose my mind.” Jungkook admits, “You feel so fucking good.”

“You feel even better.” You say, completely out of breath, your thighs on fucking fire as they burn with each bounce on his cock. You begin to slow down, and you lean down to kiss his lips sloppily, your tongues dancing around and tangling together. Jungkook detaches and lifts you up and flips you to your back.

“Love of my life.” He says as he enters you again, “Fucking made for me.” You groan in response, the sensation too powerful. His fingers find your clit and Jungkook rubs messy circles and you whine so loudly.

“I’m gonna come Jungkook!” you warn him, “This feels too good.” You choke out.

Jungkook smiles down at you as he thrusts faster and harder, his cock reaching a place that is sending you over the fucking edge. He grabs a hold of your hands and lifts them above your head as he interlocks your fingers. He leans down and kisses your neck, sucking small bruises into the skin.

“I’m going to come too…” he fucks into you so fucking deep it sends you into another, unexpected orgasm. Your whole body shakes as you cry out, Jungkook fucks faster and faster. The sounds of his hips slapping against you, and both of your filthy moans fills the entire apartment.

“God, I love you so much.” He thrusts into you harder this time, his movements quick and desperate. He kisses on your neck and nibbles on your ear as you cry from the overstimulation.

“I…love you…” you cry out, you release your hands from his and hold on to his back, bringing him closer. Your nails drag down his skin, no doubt leaving marks as he fucks into you more.

“Please come baby.” You beg, you can’t handle another orgasm. Jungkook embraces you tightly as he stills his jerky hips, he comes so fucking hard. He shoots his cum deep into your pussy, your pussy that was made for him.

“Fuck, fuck.” Jungkook pants, he collapses on top of your body and you just hold him. You caress his back and play with his hair as he tries to steady his breathing. He keeps his face buried in your neck for several long moments. He never takes out his softening cock, he leaves it inside you, where it’s nice and warm. You start to feel uncomfortable though so you nudge him but he doesn’t lift his head to face you.

“Jungkook?” you call out for him and you hear him sniffle. “Are you okay?” he finally lifts his head and looks into your wide eyes. He’s crying. Just barely, but there’s some wet eyes for sure. Your heart sinks. “What’s wrong baby?”

“Absolutely nothing.” Jungkook whispers. “I’m just so happy.” He caresses your face, “I have been in love with you for so long and you are finally mine, it honestly feels surreal.”

“I know the feeling.” You kiss him, “Let’s clean up and go to sleep.” Jungkook nods his head in agreement, finally leaving your body.

You two clean up quickly and head back to bed, still naked. He pulls you into his chest once you two are in bed, and you melt.

“Goodnight my love.” Jungkook kisses the top of your forehead and you melt even more, you’re just a puddle now.

“Goodnight.”

~~~~~~~

“It’s just a first date dude, why are you flipping out?” Jimin chews on a piece of gum, popping some bubbles one after the other.

“Why am I flipping out? Sorry but the girl I have been in love with for years is finally my girlfriend and sorry that I want everything to be perfect.” Jungkook mutters as he eyes himself in the mirror.

You two have been dating for a couple weeks now but haven’t had the chance to go on a proper date yet. A lot of things are still up in the air like, what you do you want to do with your future? And Jungkook is a part of that future now right? At least he’s hoping so. He has the perfect day planned. And he can’t wait to show you what he can be like as a boyfriend.

Jungkook shows up to your apartment, he goes to your front door and knocks and waits for you like a gentlemen. When you open the door his heart starts racing uncontrollably. You look so god damn beautiful wearing this purple strappy dress. He wants to kiss your neck and your collarbones, they’re exposed so nicely. You smile at him and lean forward to catch his lips in a sweet kiss. He pulls you back in kissing you again.

“You look beautiful baby.” He whispers into your ear and you shiver. “Ready for our date?”

“Yes.”

You two walk to his car, he opens the door for you and you blush. He’s being so formal, it kind of makes you laugh. Once you sit down and you’re all buckled up, he shuts the door. He goes around to his side and sits down.

“okay…” he takes something out of his front pocket, “I’m going to blindfold you.”

“Oh? Sexy.” You wink at him, and he turns red.

“It’s literally just so you don’t see where we’re going.” He says with a laugh, “But I’ll hold on to it for later.” He winks back.

He ties the silky material over your eyes and groans in satisfaction. He starts driving to his destination…it’s about a 20 minute drive to get to where he’s wanting to go. He puts on some music for the two of you, but on a low volume since you two mostly chat.

“It will probably take me around 6 months to complete my TEFL,” you say softly. “But I think I really want to do it. At least for a couple of years.”

“I see.” Jungkook’s hand tightens around his steering wheel but he remains calm. “If that’s what will make you happy.”

“Jungkook…” you murmur, “You can tell me not to do it, you can tell me to stay.”

“No, I can’t.” he sighs out, “ You know I can’t do that, my love.”

You feel your heart break and glow at the same time, like its confused. You just nod your head and stay facing straight ahead. You can’t see anything. Suddenly, you feel Jungkook’s hand grabbing onto yours. He interlocks your fingers and you feel relaxed now.

“We will figure it out baby, I promise.” He assures you and you believe him, “We’re here.” He confesses. “Stay here, I’ll come around to get you.”

He walks to the other side of the car where you’re seated and opens the door for you, you hold out your hand waiting for him to take it. He chuckles as he grabs your hand and guides you out of the car.

“Ready?” he tangles his fingers with yours and leads you to the entrance of the building, the walk is slow and full of chit chat. He tells you about his week at work, you tell him the latest updates with Taehyung and Yoongi. You walk through another door, leading to outside again and you grow confused. Where are you? You come to an abrupt stop and you feel Jungkook’s hands on your shoulders.

“Ready to take that thing off?” he asks with a smirk.

“Yes. But save it for later.” You smile at him.

He removes the blindfold from your face and your eyes go wide. You’re at the botanical gardens. There’s many different flowers and trees surrounding you, you notice on the ground next to Jungkook is a basket.

“What’s in there?” you pry.

“You’ll see later.” He blushes, “Come on.”

You two walk the gardens, he watches as you look at everything in awe. You snap a million pictures and you kiss him every other minute, leaving soft pecks on his lips. He didn’t think it was possible to fall more in love with you yet here he is. After an hour or so of strolling he finds a nice patch of grass and sets the basket down, taking out a small blanket and gesturing for you to sit.

“A picnic?” you ask, excited.

“Just some fruit.” He responds shyly, “Brought all your favorites.”

“You’re so sweet and so thoughtful Jungkook.” You can’t tear your eyes away from him, “I love you.” You say as you lean over and peck his lips. Jungkook grins into the kiss, he has never felt bliss like this.

You two eat your fruits and chat about everyday life. He mentions Nick may be moving out soon, going to live with two of his other friends at a house, Ryan and Jake—Jake is Alien Bro!!! you finally learned his name!!! You talk about how Yoongi has been going on dates with this girl and she’s so adorable, you met her at the record shop and you could not approve more. Taehyung has apparently been seeing the girl he kissed at spin the bottle! The rest of the guys are planning a skiing trip, that you are Jungkook are invited to. Trina and Holly finally, fucking finally admitted they’re dating. Jungkook laughs at your fun stories and you pay attention closely when he tells you his own.

“I think they’re about to close.” Jungkook says regretfully. “But we have plans after this, don’t worry.”

“I hope those plans include your cock in my mouth.” You say nonchalantly and Jungkook goes to cover your mouth while he chuckles.

“You’re dirty.”

“Only for you.”

“Better be.” He kisses the corner of your mouth and you roll your eyes playfully.

“Let’s go.”

~~~~~

Dinner was so fucking good, probably the fanciest place you have ever been. Jungkook says he thought about taking you to the dinner for nostalgias sake but decided he wanted to show you something new. You two are sat on the restaurants rooftop, a place with few tables—very private. Cute lights dangled across the walls that set such a perfect mood.

“Whatever you decide…” Jungkook reaches across the table for you hand, “I will believe in you, support you and love you.” He smiles, “You know that, right?”

“Jungkook, if I go abroad I will be so far away from you.”

“Doesn’t matter where you are, I’m yours.” He squeezes your hand.

“Would you consider…” you shake your head, deciding against it.

“What?” Jungkook squeezes your hand again, “What is it, my love?”

“Would you consider going with me?” then you shake your head again, “No, I can’t ask that of you. I know your job is too important to you.”

Jungkook nibbles on his lips, he almost regrets asking you to tell him. He hates that it’s true, his job is important to him…doesn’t mean you’re not. But he’s worked so hard to get this position. He can’t throw that away.

“Baby—”

“I know.” You give him a small smile, “No matter what we will figure it out, right?”

“Baby…you do realize I plan on spending the rest of my life with you, right?” Jungkook asks, amused. “That even if you go somewhere for a year, you’re still mine. And that a year is nothing compared to the lifetime I am going to spend with you. It might suck and we will miss each other like crazy but my love, we can visit each other and talk every day, and I know it won’t always be easy. But it’s you and me. If we can go 4 fucking years…we can go a few months at a time.”

You can’t help but sniffle at his words, your eyes watering like a fucking baby. You look into his eyes and smile the softest smile you can muster.

“Okay.” You say, “I trust you.”

Jungkook is right, you look at him and know he is right. You can’t help but think back to how all of this began. From meeting him at a frat party, to ditching Christmas with your parents to spend it with him, to sleeping together at New Years. God, you tried to distract yourself from Jungkook with Taehyung, even fake dated him. You laugh at the memory. What a ride this all has been. And you know that finally, this is the real beginning. That no matter what path you choose, you have him. Always.

“I love you.” Jungkook whispers, “With all my heart.”

“I love you too.” You smile, “More than you know.”

-Fin-

#bts #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff

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dollslayer · 3 years

Text

By Its Cover

Dark!Librarian!Steve Rogers x Shy!Reader, College AU

Summary: Your late nights at the university library spark a chain of events. Will they lead to your undoing? To anyone else's?

W/C: 8,890 (oops, sorry)

Warnings: DARK themes, NO MINORS, stalking, murder, minor character death, smut, angst, unprotected sex, oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing

A/N: FINALLY, I wrote this for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor's 2 Years of Darkness challenge! This fic kicked my ass but after some months I'm so excited about it! This is my first truly dark fic so please don't read if any of these topics upset you but I do want to make a note that the sex is consensual. If I missed any warnings please DM me immediately and I will add them. Reblog/comment if you liked it! Maybe even check out some of my other fics 👀 Cheers!

Main Masterlist

You stumbled slightly on the uneven pavement as you made the final steps towards the graduate school library. It was always so much quieter than the undergrad library and at this hour there’d be a good chance it was just you and the poor person stuck working the overnight help desk. You didn’t mind that though, you were never an overly sociable person and you preferred to work alone anyways.

You swiped your student ID through the sensor and the little green light granted you entry as you opened the door. Looking around there wasn’t even someone at the desk, just the sound of the always-on A/C rattling the leaves of the fake plants in the lobby.

You moved to put your ID away when it slipped from your fingers and plapped onto the floor, your own face staring back up to you from the plastic. You sighed and swung your bag further back over your shoulder as you bent to pick it up when a pair of legs edged their way into your vision. Caught off guard by the man attached to them, you watched him bend to pick up the piece of plastic.

You both straightened back up to your full heights and you found yourself looking up at him. He had clear blue eyes and sandy blond hair that was swept back. He looked like he could be a model, he was so handsome and you felt like a deer in headlights.

You realized that he had your ID in his hand and was waiting patiently for you to take it. You smiled awkwardly and took it from him. He looked back to your card and read your name out loud and snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Thank you” you said more in surprise than gratitude “Sorry, I just, I could’ve sworn no one was here you came out of nowhere” You laughed nervously, hoping to hide your embarrassment. You were never good with talking to people and once a situation got awkward you just got yourself deeper in it.

“I was just coming around the corner when I noticed you dropped your ID. I actually work the late shift at the desk. Serves me right for applying last minute for work through the university, right?” He asked with a small laugh.

“Late night cram session? You look like your back’s about to snap from holding all those books” He pointed to your bag, the stitches of it’s straps were frayed and had been sewn over a couple of times.

“Yeah, I like coming here late, hardly anyone’s here, I don’t have to deal with people and I can just focus” You explained

“Right, well, sorry to keep you. If you need anything I’m Steve, and I’ll be bored out of my mind at the desk” he smirked and walked back towards reception.

You turned down the hall and thought how strange it was that you’d never seen him here before. It was the middle of the semester so he couldn’t have just started but you were in here all the time and you’d never run into him once. You brushed the thought off and continued on your way.

____

Over the next few weeks you and Steve developed a routine. You’d come in around 10 or 11, you’d stop at the desk and chat a bit and then you’d head up to your spot on the second floor to study. Occasionally Steve would see you when he returned books and you’d joke around a bit before he’d leave you to your work. You were building a good rapport with each other and he was pleased.

Sometimes he’d been too shy to approach you. It made him feel like the scrawny, helpless kid he was before the growth spurt. Beautiful girls like you never looked twice at him but he knows that you’re different, he knows that if you had met him then that you’d never treat him like those girls did. He knows that in time you two could really have something special.

Steve understood that building a relationship with you would take time and balance. He didn’t want to seem too eager but ever since he saw you he knew he’d do anything to just talk to you.

It started some months ago when he was visiting Bucky on campus. They had been hanging out in the quad right by a group of buildings when you tripped on the pavement and your books fell at his feet. He helped you up and even collected your books for you but you were too flustered and embarrassed to meet his eye. You eked out a thank you and scurried into the graduate library.

That moment sparked a blooming obsession within him. The following night he was still in town but he went out without Bucky and staked out where he’d been the previous night and watched you go to the library at the same time you had. The next two nights he did this and quickly pieced together your nightly routine.

Within a month's time he was set to transfer for the next semester and when he did he got a job working night shifts at the library. Bucky had asked him why on Earth he’d want that and Steve had shrugged him off, claiming that he wanted to be paid and didn’t want to deal with anyone. Seemed like a good enough reason to anyone else.

And so that’s how Steve found himself invading your personal space to hand you your ID. He enjoyed the way you trembled slightly in surprise. You looked so small next to him, looking up at him. He nearly forgot what he was going to say, feeling suddenly shy himself. You were so close to him and you were just as beautiful as he remembered.

Take it slow, he reminded himself.

____

Your apartment door slammed behind you as you stormed out of the building. You left in only what you were wearing which was a light hoodie and some leggings. You had thought to grab your book bag before you left and it kept knocking into your side with each angry step you took. Tears streaked your face but you tried your best to brush them off and continued on your brisk walk to the library.

You and your boyfriend had gotten into a fight and things got heated pretty fast, they always did with Sean. You had confronted Sean about being gone so often and so late, you’d missed him and wanted to spend time with you. That’s when he started getting defensive and turning your late nights at the library right around on you.

Things escalated to shouting and Sean had gotten so angry that he’d knocked over a pile of your books from the table. It had scared you and that’s when you left. You knew that you’d be getting nowhere with him when he was so angry. You wanted to be alone and needed a distraction so you grabbed your bag and headed for the library.

You secretly hoped Steve was working, it’d be nice to see a friendly face. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have the tiniest crush on him. He’s handsome and funny and kind and he always knows when to give you space. You wish you’d met him at a different point in your life, you could really see yourself with him in another timeline. Maybe it was just easier to think that having just had a fight with Sean.

You swiped your card and waited patiently for the door to open. You could tell Steve had already spotted you and was looking at you as you passed through the glass doors. He was smiling his same boyish charm smile that made you feel even shier than you already were. You must’ve looked a mess but it was comforting to see him there waiting for you.

“There she is,” Steve said with a smile as he got up from his chair to greet you. His face immediately fell though as he took in the tracks of your tears and your puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Steve looked upset and angry for you. You were touched, but you’d rather leave it.

“I’d rather not talk about it, if it’s okay. It’s nice to see you though, Steve. How’s your night?”

Steve’s jaw ticked but he swallowed and nodded and you were grateful he didn’t push it further.

“Uneventful as usual, it’s good to see you too, doll.”

You felt your cheeks heat at the nickname. If you were on better terms with Sean you’d feel bad but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do anything but giggle.

You said your goodbye to Steve and made your way to the second floor to study.

Hours passed and you had your nose buried in a book when you felt a sudden presence. You looked up slowly behind you and shrieked when you found Steve just inches from you. He held his hands out defensively and tried to catch your breathing.

“Steve, oh my God, I didn’t see you there, you scared me!” You laughed as you caught your breath.

“Yeah, sorry, I uh, have a habit of doing that.” He said as he ducked his head sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. Was he blushing? Why did he look nervous?

“I, um. I was uh, I was hoping to maybe ah, ask you something, actually.” Steve swallowed thickly. He is nervous. You smiled at him and motioned for him to go on.

“I was thinking… maybe, when you’re free if um, would you maybe want to go to dinner? With me?” He stammered out.

You smiled and felt heat flood your cheeks all over again, Steve was gorgeous and you were flattered that someone like him would want to go out with you. Just as quickly as that flattery came dread had instantly replaced it. You had a boyfriend, you couldn’t do that to Sean. Oh God, now I have to turn him down. What if he hates me?

“Wow… I uh, Steve,” you started, “I’m. You’re so sweet, I don’t know what to say. But, I have a boyfriend, I’m really sorry”

“But- but don’t think I wouldn’t say yes, if I could. You’re such a nice guy and I’m really happy for our friendship. I hope this doesn’t make things weird between us, I’m. I’m sorry,” You quickly led up with. You felt so awkward and bad that you had to turn him down.

Steve’s jaw ticked and he looked away. A blush of embarrassment had made its way up his neck and into his cheeks. His fists clenched at his sides and he took a deep breath.

“It’s… It’s fine, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I don’t want things to be weird between us either. You know what? Why don’t we just forget the whole thing? Sorry again.” He finished with a tight lipped smile

You sent an uneasy smile back and nodded.

“Of course, no damage done, Steve.”

With that he left you and you went back to your book. You tried not to overthink the entire situation but couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable.

____

“Boyfriend” the word echoed in his head on a never ending loop with deafening reverb. He nodded curtly at you and smiled. You had your awkward exchange of apologies and excuses. Wordlessly, he made his way back to the information desk. He felt angry but also humiliated, he had spent at least a week building himself up to say something to you and you just turned him down so wholly?

He saw the way you looked at him, the way you laughed at his jokes. Steve knew that he meant more to you than you were letting on. There was attraction there, you were just in denial because you had a boyfriend.

Who even was this schmuck? You couldn’t have liked him that much because if you did then you would’ve mentioned him before but you hadn’t. If you really loved your boyfriend then you wouldn’t have smiled at Steve the way you did or stopped to say hello every night. He needed to see for himself whom exactly it was that was so undeserving of your attention.

Steve checked the cameras and saw that you were packing up your things. He had maybe a few minutes to gather his own things and wait for you. There was someone else coming to cover the library in 20 minutes, it would be fine if he left it alone until then. He decided to make himself scarce from the desk so you wouldn’t have to see him again before you left and you wouldn’t notice he’d be following you.

Waiting for the sound of the double doors to click shut he turned the corner and waited for just a minute. He slunk down the mainways of campus towards the student apartments and stopped just 20 yards away from you up against a wall. You looked so cold all alone in the dark as you buzzed in one of the numbers.

“1B, what the fuck could you possibly want at this hour?” a gruff voice answered over the comm.

“Baby, it’s me, sorry I forgot my keys but you weren’t responding to my texts so” You trailed off as you shivered in the night. No reply came, just the buzzer sounding off. You hurried inside and Steve tried his best to scope out external windows.

Finally the light came on in one of them and to his luck the blinds were mostly open. Through the vertical slats he could make out your entrance and an impeding figure from the hall. It was him, the boyfriend. The guy that was apparently so much better than Steve.

He saw your body language was tense and you opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word in, your boyfriend was grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you. You looked surprised maybe, but you just let him grab you like that. You just fucking let him.

He watched from his spot against a pillar from the building across the walkway. He clenched his jaw and tried to control his breathing watching this guy, this boy manhandle you like you weren’t something special, something precious. He was disgusted but he couldn’t look away as your clothes were shirked off and you two fucked right there on the couch.

He couldn’t bring himself to watch anymore and stormed off. As he walked back to his place a plan began to form in the back of his mind.

____

Things with Sean were smoothed over. You didn’t really talk, so much as he just fucked you before you could even talk about it. He had kissed you on the cheek after and said he was sorry. So you figured that he was. You didn’t really feel like pushing it anyways.

You made for the library once again, anticipating a long night ahead of you with midterms around the corner.

You let out a shriek as you realized someone was standing over you. Steve was hovering right above you, looking even taller than he already was. You pushed your chair back to get some distance between yourself and him while you caught your breath from the momentary scare.

“Steve, I uh, sorry I didn’t hear you coming, again.”

He leaned himself against the edge of the table and crossed his arms. How had you not realized he was so muscular before? You flushed and scolded yourself for thinking about him like that. You had a boyfriend and Steve was just the nice guy at the library.

He ducked his head shyly and waved your apology off.

“Sorry, guess I’m just sneaky.” He chuckled in amusement but the feeling wasn’t mutual, “I was just up here returning some books when I realized I missed you coming in, thought I’d come say hi.”

“Right,” you replied, “Guess we just missed each other. How’s the desk tonight?”

“Bored to tears as usual, just glad you’re here tonight”

Steve winked at you and you felt your cheeks get hot again and you looked away with a small laugh.

“You always know just what to say, don’t you?”

“Ah that’s not true.” He paused, “I get nervous all the time around pretty girls like you”

You were really in it now. Your cheeks heated instantly and you had to look away from him again. For someone that just got rejected he doesn’t stay down for long. How the hell were you going to talk your way out of this one? He knows you have a boyfriend, why would he say that?

“Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” Oh, thank God.

He begins to walk back to his cart before spinning on his heel one last time.

“Hey, I forgot to ask. You’re pretty good with art history, right?”

You nod cautiously, afraid that you know where this is going.

“Well, as of right now I’ve got a C. I was wondering if you’d be willing to meet on one of my nights off here and help me out?”

“O-oh. Yeah, of course. No problem. I’m sure Sean wouldn’t mind.”

You were too nice for your own good, saying yes before really thinking it all through. You only realized you had after the words left your mouth so you mentioned Sean to save yourself a bit.

Steve’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you.

“Awesome, you’re the best. Maybe we can get together at that cafe on 3rd next Tuesday around noon?”

“Of course, I’ll be there” You confirm.

____

Tuesday couldn’t come soon enough for Steve. He didn’t need any help in art history, he was averaging about an 87, actually. But when you turned him down he knew he had to find another way to get closer to you and he knew that you’d say yes out of pressure.

All in all things were going pretty well for Steve. Despite your shy nature he’d managed to get closer to you much quicker than he expected. He loved watching you get flustered whenever he was close, finding it hard not to get flustered himself. He was impatient for things to move forward but he knew it would all pan out. There was only one wrench in the plan; your boyfriend Sean.

The other night when Steve had followed you home and witnessed Sean manhandle you in your apartment he began thinking of how to remove him from the picture. Steve did his research on Sean and found it suspicious he couldn’t find anything on him. Usually after a little digging you can find something off about anyone, but not him. Steve knew it would take a little more effort, but for you he’d make it.

So that’s how Steve wound up spending his night off in the corner of the dive bar that was just off campus. Off campus enough that you’d need to drive there. He had tailed Sean’s Jeep there after his club soccer game in hopes of finding something he could actually use to justify getting rid of him for you. He groused as he pulled into the parking garage across the street and pocketed his parking stub. He waited a few beats and watched Sean leave his car.

He slinked in the door and grabbed a dimly lit corner booth. The residue of whatever cleaner this place used was causing his forearms to stick to the table at his booth and the air stunk of vape smoke. He was surrounded by other 20-somethings, awkward Tinder hookups and frat bros meeting up to blow off steam.

On the opposite side of the room he spotted Sean, watched him as he approached the bar for another pint. He’d followed him here in hopes of getting some sort of information on him that he could use. After an hour of nursing one beer and absolutely nothing happening with Sean Steve had been ready to give up.

Just as he was getting ready to down the rest of his drink the door had opened and in walked a girl around his age. She looked nervous but excited as she looked around the place. She nearly squealed as she rushed over when she found who she was looking for. A smile slowly crawled across Steve’s face as the girl rushed into Sean’s arms and embraced him with a kiss. This is exactly what Steve needed to get him out of the picture.

Steve discreetly took out his phone and snapped a few photos, even got a video of them kissing again. He figured this would be enough to blackmail Sean into leaving you. Getting what he needed, he grabbed his jacket and left the bar. He felt light as a feather walking home, his plan was finally setting into motion and it wouldn’t be long until you were together.

Tuesday had finally come and Steve’s good mood only carried over. He practically skipped to the coffee shop you two had agreed to meet at. He grabbed a table and waited for you. When he saw you open the door he was grinning ear to ear but his expression quickly changed taking in your appearance. You looked exhausted, like you’d been crying again. This wouldn’t do.

“What’s wrong? Is it your boyfriend again?” Steve asked.

You nodded silently and set down your bag with a huff.

“He’s just been out really late lately, I feel like he’s never home. Then again I’m always out late.”

“Well I’m glad you’re a night owl, otherwise we wouldn’t have met” Steve tried to turn the conversation back to them and to keep it positive.

“I guess you’re right. You didn’t order anything?” You frowned, noticing his empty hands.

“I was waiting for you, it’s my treat.” You opened your mouth to protest but Steve was quick to add, “Don’t even try to argue with me on this one.”

You sighed but ultimately relented, following him to the counter. He let you order first.

“Um, just a small hot chocolate please, thank you so much”

Steve thought it was cute that you didn’t drink caffeine, he knew hot chocolate was your drink of choice. He knew this of course from hours of pouring over every profile of yours he could find on the internet. He even found your tumblr you were just sure nobody knew about. Turns out you’ve got quite the dirty mind. But that was a thought for another day. Steve turned back to the counter and ordered black coffee and paid the bill.

With drinks in hand you made your way back to your table and settled in for an afternoon of art history. It went smoothly overall and Steve even got you to laugh a few times. He’d perfectly played his balance of pretending not to know about the subject while seeming to be learning what you were teaching. He could tell you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing something and he was happy he could make you feel that way. He was sure he was the only one that could.

You called it a day and said your goodbyes, you went in for an awkward hug which Steve accepted wholeheartedly. He’d even managed to finally snag your number so you two could work out more study times. Maybe you were coming around much easier than he anticipated. He smiled to himself and on the walk home began to devise a plan to get rid of Sean. It’d only be a matter of days if everything went accordingly.

____

You were basking in the rare day off, taking every moment to enjoy doing absolutely nothing. You’d felt drained lately from your class workload, late nights at the library, and your elevating fights with Sean. He was at work today followed by an evening class so you had uninterrupted alone time. Around 10pm it took every ounce of your free will to get off the couch and get the mail.

You milled over to your box and jammed the key in. Pulling the mail out your head titled in curiosity at the large unmarked manila folder. No return address written, only yours but there was nothing indicating whether it was for you or Sean. You’d open it when you got back upstairs.

Finally back to your spot on the couch your fingers slowly undid the folder’s metal clasp and you reached inside for its contents. Out came several photos and a hastily written note. You held the grainy photos closer to your face to make out what they were. When you did your heart plummeted and you went into emotional shock.

Though the photos were grainy it was very clear what they were of. Shots of Sean and some mystery brunette making out in a bar. Sean with his arm around her waist, Sean with his hand on her ass. All the photos were timestamped for only a few days ago when he claimed his soccer game was running late. You dropped them instantly and they scattered to the floor.

Your heart was hammering in your ears, you didn’t know what to think. Sean was the only boyfriend you’d ever really had, Sean loved you, you loved him. Somewhere in the back of your mind you remembered there was a note. You searched for it and tried to read it through the tears that were beginning to blur your vision.

‘I know what you did. You tell her or I will. You have three days’

You didn’t recognize the handwriting. Who would send this? Why would they send it? You and Sean didn’t have many friends and you couldn’t picture them doing this. Maybe this is some prank? Maybe the timestamp is wrong and this is before you were together.

Sean was all you’d ever known and you shared an apartment, it’s not like you’d have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. Should you confront him with these? It’s not like you two were exactly good at solving your problems. Would he leave you if you showed him these? What then?

Your mind was spinning, unsure of what to do with this new information. Maybe you could keep quiet about this, try to spend some more time with Sean, make him see what the two of you have. Maybe you can ask him to be home more, maybe you could be home more too.

You took a deep breath and wiped your tears before you gathered the photos and put them back into the envelope. You decided you’d hold onto them for now, tucking them away in your drawer of the dresser. Deciding you’d just work yourself up if you stayed up you shot Sean a text goodnight and went to bed.

Morning came and he was snuggled into your side, the comfort you felt had you feeling like everything might be okay for a moment. You stayed in bed just a little longer and turned so he could hold you in his arms. Your heart felt so unsure and scared, but you didn’t know what else you could do.

The week passed by and you decided to shift more of your energy towards your relationship with Sean, pushing your nights at the library to the backburner. You still hadn’t told him about the envelope but you did tell him you missed him and wished he was home more. He relented and was home four nights this week instead of his usual two.

The time together was uncomfortable but you kept telling yourself that things were getting a little better over time, even if your studies were suffering for it. As the week went on you were able to suppress your doubts about your relationship a bit more. Sean loved you and you loved him.

You couldn’t ignore the oncoming threat of midterms forever, though. The last thing you wanted was to be alone because you knew that your thoughts would just spiral but you needed to do well this semester so you grabbed your bag and headed out.

You swipe through the doors, almost looking forward to seeing Steve. You’d blown off your study session with a profuse apology so you could be with Sean. You were eager to apologize in person but found the reference desk to be completely abandoned. You frowned, maybe Steve was putting away books or something. You’d see him eventually though, for now you had an essay to write.

Hours could have gone by and you wouldn’t have known. You were getting so much done though, it felt good to be focused on something other than your own thoughts.

“Where’ve you been?”

You jump in your seat. You turn around to find Steve emerging from the shelves that were just out of your view. He wore a neutral expression but you could cut the tension with a knife. He stepped forward and you debated on what to say.

“Sorry, I had to cancel with you this week. How are you getting along?”

“Nothing another tutoring session couldn’t fix, I’m sure. Were you sick? I feel like you haven’t been here in forever. The nights get awful lonely without ya here”

Why did Steve keep making statements like that when he knew you had a boyfriend? It was driving you insane and getting harder to ignore them.

“Um, no, I was with Sean, actually. But y’know, can’t avoid midterms forever” You gave a half-hearted laugh hoping to lighten things up.

Steve’s neutral expression is slipping, but you can’t tell if he’s angry or not. But his face broke out into a small smile, putting you at ease instantly. He clapped you on the shoulder and took a step back.

“Yeah, guess you’re right. We still on for Tuesday?”

You gave him an easy smile and nodded.

“I’ll be counting the days” With that Steve disappeared back between the shelves.

____

The moment Steve placed the envelope in the mail he felt a confidence he hadn’t felt before. All he had to do was wait for you to open the envelope and everything would take its course. He knew Sean was at work and you’d be the one to get the mail that day. From his spot he’d peered in your windows all those weeks ago he watched you open the photos. You dropped them to the ground and held a hand to your mouth to cover what looked like a sob. Steve smiled to himself, now all you had to do was leave him.

The week went on and Steve figured you might need a little time to break it off and he’d be there at the library, waiting to comfort you. It’s not like you had any other friends in your life to turn to. But then you cancelled your study session with no explanation. Steve figured maybe you were still in shock, needed to cry it out alone. Then two days turned to four turned to seven.

Steve was confused, he was infuriated even. Why hadn’t you come to the library yet? Why hadn’t you texted him? There’s no way that you were actually going to stay with him after you saw him with another woman. Except that’s exactly what he did.

Looking back on it Steve recognized his mistakes. He knew you were shy and meek, sweet, it’s what he loved about you. But he should’ve accounted for this to happen. You were too sweet for your own good, wanting to make it work with Sean. It was an obstacle he hadn’t seen but this is just a slight bump in the plan. He can work around it.

When he saw you coming up the steps on the security camera he made himself scarce, not ready to face you just yet. He gave you some hours to study before he made himself known to you. He could tell just by the way you talked that you were in complete denial about what was happening. You weren’t strong enough to leave him but that’s okay, Steve is strong enough for the both of you right now, he’ll help you get there.

____

Just when you thought things were getting better Sean was back to becoming distant, going out with his teammates and coming home still a little drunk. The more you thought about those photos and thought about how he slipped back into old habits so easily the more you were working up the courage to confront him. You weren’t sure if you’d leave him, but maybe it would make him change.

Then the second envelope came. More photos of them kissing and leaving the bar together. They were time stamped just two nights ago. Your heart fell through the floor as you tried to make sense of things. How much of this could you put up with? When was enough? You needed to confront him when he got home.

You texted him to try to come home early tonight, saying it was important. You spent the rest of the evening planning out your words and trying to quell the oncoming panic attacks. Time passed by in a blur and before you knew it it was midnight and you still had no word from Sean. You couldn’t spend one more minute alone, you needed to get out. You needed a friend.

Your body was on autopilot as your feet carried you up the steps of the library. Steve wasn’t at the desk and you felt almost distressed. You knew he’d be a good third party to talk all this out to and you didn’t know what to think when he wasn’t there. You decided to shoot him a text.

‘Hey, I know you usually work Thursdays, I’ll be at my usual spot, I could really use a friend if you’re not too busy’ Did that sound too desperate? At this point you didn’t care.

You sunk down into your chair on the second floor with a huff. You hadn’t brought your bag so it’s not like you could study to distract yourself. As it turned out you didn’t need to.

“I’m never too busy for you, doll. ‘Specially not at this job” Steve’s voice carried as he rounded a corner into your sight.

You felt instantly better before you realized you were crying. It was hard to be vulnerable but if you could trust anyone with this it was Steve. You gave him a weak smile as he pulled up a chair beside you.

“What’s wrong? Do you need tissues?”

“No, sorry, I just.” You were struggling to find the words. “Sean is cheating on me”

Steve’s hands clenched into fists, he looked absolutely furious for you.

“Are you serious? That bastard! Doll, I’m so sorry. Have you confronted him?” His hand reached for yours and his thumb rubbed light circles.

“I-I, I haven’t said...anything. I just. He loves me y’know? Why would he do that? He’s all I have? What happens if he leaves me where will I stay I’ll be completely alone, I’ll-”

You had worked yourself into a panic attack as you desperately tried to take gulps of air while tears streamed down your face. You were losing touch with your surroundings and spiraling into a place you couldn’t get yourself out of. Steve moved his chair closer to you and brought you into his lap. He held your back to his chest and wrapped his arms around you. You could just make out what he was saying.

“Doll, it’s okay, I need you to breathe with me, can you do that? Take a deep breath in with me. Hold it and count to five with me,” You do but you’re still struggling. “Now exhale, count again for me. You’re doing so well, you can do this.”

Eventually Steve is able to bring you back down to Earth and you slumped back into his arms. You don’t care that Steve is holding you, it feels safe. You shifted so you could lean your head against his chest and let out a heavy sigh. He holds you to himself and lets you sit there for a while.

You don’t know how much time passes but you sit up slowly and he’s reluctant to let you go. You wipe your eyes as you go back to your own chair.

“Sorry, I’m keeping you from your job. Sorry I just totally came here and freaked out” You were starting to feel embarrassed, oversharing your life and emotions with him. You really liked him, you didn’t want to think you’d ruined the friendship.

“Don’t even apologize. You can always come to me.” He gave you a warm smile and you felt reassured. “So what are you going to do about Sean?”

Another hour had gone by with Steve and you could see the sun starting to come through the windows. You had decided you would confront him and go from there. You weren’t ready to fully commit to leaving him but this needed to end one way or another. For the first time in two weeks you felt like things were maybe going to be okay. The next time you saw Sean you were going to confront him.

____

Clearly seeing that you weren’t going to do anything after he sent the photos, he had to go to plan B. Steve waited outside the practice field and followed him to the parking structure once again. He jammed the parking stub in his jacket pocket along with the others and repeated his previous trips here. It was astounding how unaware Sean was of his surroundings, Steve had followed him and that girl from the bar back to her place at least twice now.

Getting what he needed he put another envelope in the mail the next day, this time with no note but the photos were more upsetting. It hurt Steve to hurt you but it’s what needed to be done. You were never going to confront him with things as they were so he had to push the envelope, literally and metaphorically. The hurt would be worth it though, because you came crying to him just like he’d hoped you would. Seeing your text warmed his heart, you needed him and he’d be there. Every time.

He knew he’d be comforting you but he didn’t think that he’d get to hold you. He was hiding his smile as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you down from your panic attack. You did so well listening to him and calming down. He was convinced he was the only one that could help you, you just needed to see that.

Steve abandoned his cart of books that needed to be shelved but he couldn’t care less. He’d stay up all night with you every night if that’s what it took. As dawn broke the two of you devised a plan and he built you up to say something. You weren’t committed to leaving him, which Steve wasn’t happy about, but you were committed to confronting him, if only you’d get the chance.

Based on what Steve knew of both yours and Sean's schedules you’d just miss each other between classes during the day and Sean had a game tonight, which would inevitably lead to a night at the bar. All Steve had to do was wait. He had to contain his excitement, things were finally finally falling right into place, they just needed a final push.

Nightfall came and this time Steve beat Sean to the structure. Steve parked on the top level and stuck the parking stub in his pocket. He didn’t feel like he was taking a risk by counting on Sean to follow routine, he was a good boy, he’d park in his same spot he always did and proceed to get wasted across the street.

A slow smile creeped across Steve’s face as Sean and his teammates stumbled into the bar, probably already drunk from pre-gaming. Sean’s sidepiece wouldn’t come to the bar tonight, her sorority having some dumb mixer or another. Steve reminded himself of his mantra to wait. His phone buzzed and he saw it was a text from you. You two had been texting after you came to him in the library.

‘He’s not responding to my texts. I know he had a game tonight but I really thought he’d be here’

He’d have to text you back another time, Steve needed to be on his toes tonight. He sat at what was becoming his usual booth for nearly two hours, barely touching his pint. Finally Sean paid his tab and said goodnight to his friends. Steve pulled down the brim of his hat and pursued him towards the parking structure. Drunken and fumbling up through the stairwell, Steve entered behind him quietly while taking out a knife he’d stolen from Bucky. He always knew his friend’s strange obsession with them would come in handy someday.

Just as Sean was about to take the final step Steve grabbed him from behind. Sean’s reactions may have been slowed but it hadn’t stopped him trying to thrash out of the grip. His efforts stopped immediately as Steve held the blade to his throat. He spoke clearly and in a low voice.

“Keep walking up the stairs or I will slit your fucking throat, do you hear me?” He brought the knife closer to his neck to drive home the threat.

“E-easy man, please, please don’t do this”

“Keep moving. Up.”

Steve pushed him all the way towards his car at the edge of the top level. He flipped Sean around so his back was to the ledge, the knife still trained closely on him. Pleads for mercy fell on deaf ears.

“What do you wan’!? You wan’ money!? Take, take my wallet man I don’t need it, jus’ please don’t kill me please!”

Steve pushed him slightly, though his grip on him remained tight. Sean struggled against him as his body weight wavered over the ledge. He must have realised how far up they were because he started crying at this point, begging even harder as he teetered and trying desperately to get his bearings against the wall.

“Why are you doing this!?” He wailed, “I’ll do anything, please! Please, I have a girlfriend, I have a family”

That was all that it took. Steve was feeling a high like he’d never felt. He knew at this moment he was doing the right thing for both of you. With a rush of adrenaline and in a flash of certainty he pushed Sean’s body over the edge. He didn’t watch him fall the seven stories down to the ground, but he did wait to hear the sickening crack and thud of his body hitting the ground. There was no way he’d survived.

Blood rushing through his ears, he felt euphoric, so powerful, so in love with you. He climbed back into his car and headed for his apartment. His plan wasn’t quite complete yet though, but everything he needed to do was done. He could watch the rest unfold from the sidelines. He knows you’ll be heartbroken all over again when you find out, but he’ll be there to pick up the pieces.

____

You’d been in mourning for nearly two months. The shock you’d felt wasn’t comparable to any other feeling you’d felt. The police ultimately ruled his death an accident, they performed an autopsy and found dangerous amounts of alcohol in his system. They weren’t able to pinpoint an exact time of death but estimated 2-3 AM, as he’d been found in the morning. They figured he’d just gotten piss drunk and came too close to the edge. And he was gone just like that.

His death weighed heavy on you, you blamed yourself for a long time. He wouldn’t have stayed out if you hadn’t pushed him so far away from you. The last thing you ever said to him was nagging and whiny, no wonder he didn’t want to come home. To think that you were possibly going to leave him. You felt so much self-contempt but slowly you were learning to forgive yourself.

You don’t know what you’d have done without Steve by your side. He was there for you every step of the way. He held you at the funeral, he helped you pack up Sean’s things in the apartment, he took your late night phone calls and came over at the drop of a hat to help you through your grief. You were eternally grateful for his selflessness and his willingness to help you heal.

Guilt loomed over you once again as the old feelings you’d had for Steve in the early days of your friendship started to flare up again. It felt natural to feel them, with him being closer to you than he ever was, but it didn’t stop you from feeling shame over it. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t culpable for anything that happened, that Sean himself was interested in someone else when he’d died. You had to forgive yourself for these feelings for Steve. Maybe even pursue them.

‘Can you come over tonight? I think we should talk’ Your nerves were on fire from the rush you got sending him that text.

‘How about you come to my place? 7? We can go for something to eat if you want.’ Your heart was fluttering, was this a date?

‘Sounds good :)’

Checking the time you saw it was 4, you spent the next few hours obsessing over what to say. No matter what you were determined to tell him your feelings for him. You were debating whether or not you should kiss him. Would he even want you back? What if he only sees you as a friend now? The hours whiled away and you took a deep breath before setting out.

You’d been to Steve’s apartment only once before, you knew he lived alone but he’d managed to make the place feel homey. You were buzzed in and before you had the chance to knock on the door Steve had it open and was waiting for you. His smile was all teeth and it was contagious, you smiled back looking up at him and he let you in.

You sat down on the couch and waited for Steve. No turning back now. Deep breath. He sat down and turned to face you.

“What did you want to talk about?”

No words were coming to you. Your mouth opened but you could only sputter. Oh God, where were the words? Do something!

So you did. Before you could think about it you put a shaky hand up to Steve’s jaw and pulled him in for a kiss. You didn’t know what you were feeling, you were just waiting for Steve to respond. You began to pull back but before you could he took your face in his hands and kissed you back tenderly but with purpose. Your arms were around him and he pulled you closer into his lap to kiss you more passionately.

You finally pulled apart to catch your breath. You snuck a look up to his face and you were nervous but you felt like you were floating.

“You have… no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that” He said between breaths.

You two smiled like idiots and he brought his lips to yours again. The kiss deepened and a moan slipped from your mouth. This seemed to spark something in Steve and his hands shakily moved over your body. He was feeling every curve of you and you ground down into his lap and his hips bucked up in response. You have no idea where this confidence came from but you’d never felt more sure of yourself. You broke apart again and Steve was breathing heavily.

“Is this what you want?” He asked. You could only nod before he was on you again. He pulled you up from the couch and led you to his bed. This time he laid you back and was hovering over you, slowly undoing the buttons of your jeans. You helped him get yourself out of them and pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your bra and panties. How was this happening? Who cares?

He sat back and took the sight of you in, he was looking at you like you were the most precious thing. He slowly removed his clothes and moved back over you, kissing his way up your thighs before pulling your panties down your legs. He continued laving away at your skin, making you nervous but excited. His fingers brushed your core and he brought them up to his face.

“Sweetheart, you are dripping.” Your cheeks heated instantly as he chuckled. Not giving you the chance to respond he dove right in. Two fingers entered you and you arched your back, his tongue lapped up your wetness and then at your clit. You’d really never known pleasure like this, no one had ever done this for you before. His fingers pumped in and out of you and your hands flew to his hair and pulled. He continued on and curved his fingers just slightly and you clenched down around him, you were so close.

“Please, I’m so close” you whimpered.

Steve doubled his efforts and before you knew it the tension he had been building up was released in a white hot flash of ecstasy. You writhed against his fingers as he kept pumping them into you. Finally he relented, pulling them out and licking them clean. You’d never seen something that made you feel so filthy but so so good.

He took off his boxers and encased you in his arms. He kissed your neck and you moaned again at the feeling. You spread yourself for him and he lined himself up and groaned. The stretch was something you weren’t ready for. It burned almost, you cried out as he put his whole length in you. He waited all of two seconds before he began thrusting into you. You weren’t ready but you were adjusting quickly with the way his cock hit that spot inside of you over and over.

You were holding onto his shoulders, nails digging in deep as he started to go harder and faster.

“I’m close” He panted into your ear.

Reaching down his fingers found your clit and started moving back and forth quickly, trying to match his thrusts. The tension was building again to a breaking point and you were getting close again. He worked you even harder until you broke, cumming for a second time. Your eyes were screwed shut in ecstasy as you cried again.

“Steve!”

That was all it took before he slammed into you a final time, you could feel his release and you’d never felt closer to him. His movements stopped and your noses touched. He kissed you hard before rolling off of you.

“That was… oh my god” you breathed.

“I know, me too” Steve chuckled. “So can I take you to dinner?”

“Nothing would make me happier,” You grinned wide and nodded.

You cleaned yourself up and redressed. You were taking in Steve’s room and found yourself smiling at the photos of him and Bucky, little knick-knacks on his dresser. You found a sticky note on the calendar at his desk. You squinted. Had you seen his handwriting before?

You shrugged and flopped yourself back on the bed. You checked the weather on your phone and frowned at the temperature, you let out a small groan.

“What is it?” Steve called from the bathroom as he cleaned up.

“It’s so coooold and I forgot my jacket” You pouted.

“Just take mine, it’s the brown leather one hanging in the living room” He was so sweet.

Gingerly, you made your way into the living room and found the jacket, slipping it on. You don’t know what was taking Steve so long but you shoved your hands in the pockets and waited for him. You felt something in the right pocket. Is this trash? You pulled out little wadded up pieces of paper and unfolded them.

They were parking stubs. They were from the same structure that Sean had fallen from. Your heart was pounding, upset just thinking of him. Looking closer one of them was stamped for 2:15 AM, 2/1, the night that he died. Okay...

1 AM 1/15, 11:57PM 1/28, They matched the timestamp on the photos that had been sent to you. Two others were from nights when Sean had games and had stayed out late. Your heart was in your throat and tears were forming in your eyes, trying to find some explanation. You thought again of the first time you’d received an envelope, those photos, that note. It had dawned on you why the note looked so familiar… The handwriting! Oh, God... Your whole world slowed down as you heard footsteps bound into the room. Slowly you turned, the stubs still in your shaking hands.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Steve took a step further, “You weren’t supposed to see those.”

#dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers #college AU #librarian AU #steve rogers x reader #marvel x reader #dark!marvel #stalker!steve rogers #smut #angst #dark fic #dark marvel fics #dark mcu #twoyearsofdark

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sweettodo · 3 years

Text

Promiscuous.

⟿ Levi Ackerman x freader x Eren Jaeger

Includes : threesome, swearing, smut.

word count : 4,5k.

for 300 followers, i promised i would bless you all with a few stories. this was a tough plot to come up with b/c the age difference, but i always come thru :)). enjoy. thank you for 300 friends, readers, and fans. one more story on the way, hope you like !!

Being in the scouts wasn't necessarily all that bad, especially when you had all the strong, agile men to look at all day long.

You didn't bite your tongue, the gushy, teenage girl flirtatiousness that you bestowed upon not one, not two, but a good sum of the boys you worked and trained with every day. Most of whom were your closest friends, who put up with your promiscuousness. For the most part, they fed into it, reciprocating the behavior. But it couldn't be avoided that you took a special liking towards your Captain; Mr. Ackerman himself.

Call it unnatural, call it unusual, but you had a justification for liking him so much. If he said the right thing in the right context, your knees would be shaky and weak, for instance, when he demanded you to 'shut up' half-jokingly for fooling around with Connie too much. You left training that day with a waterfall between your legs, leaving you stunned for at least a week.

The ideas in your head were endless and slightly disturbing. There was no denying you were captivated by him, and he knew it.

Not to mention he took a fondness to you too...

Well, not how you quite anticipated him too. He just believed you were a capable scout, thus him taking you under his wing with your friends. Leaving aside your whorish comments. He took your ignorant attitude with a grain of salt, not allotting you the time of the day- which only made it more of a challenge to get what you yearned much for.

He would scoff, walk away and roll his eyes, reprimanding you on behaving yourself and acting your age. You were 19, you were acting your age, 'I could be worse,' you mumbled under your breath.

Being the species of girl who was drawn to a particular type of man, power play, that sharp attitude which one with a level head and a drop of common sense would take as a definite red flag, the type of man that would punish you for being horny or bratty- you could only dream- it was also clear you couldn't bluff and say that you didn't favor the infamous Eren Jaeger: the strong-willed, wild, dominant and overbearing youthful man. He could command you to get on your knees, and you would in a flash.

Alas, you would not be seeing the pearly gates with what went through your mind about the long-haired, tall, demanding man. On the plus side-unlike Levi- Eren enjoyed the attention you gave him, he played the game with you.

And he played the game good- you liked it.

On numerous occasions, you would be more than touchy with Eren, the little 'not so serious' back rub, or a hand on his thigh under the table to make him hot and bothered. And once or twice, the rare make-out session in an alleyway while your friends shopped or by the stable of horses one time when you were sixteen. Though the sexual tension grew once you turned eighteen when you two were less apt to get in trouble for your conduct- yet you never took it all the way, liking the idea of having him on his toes every time he saw you.

Anyways, today was different than most days, you all were honored with a few days of relaxing, sleeping in, and extra time to eat and shower with no training, or missions.

Appreciating the peace, you lay in your bed buried under the blankets half asleep, taking in the unusual time of relaxation. While nearing slumber again, you're rudely interrupted. A pounding on your door riddles throughout your body, frightening you half to death, you flinch, sitting up in an instant.

"Food! y/n." oh, it was Connie.

You untangle from the blankets, sauntering to your wardrobe, and pulling out a regular old white shirt with shorts. The heat was not something to take lightly around here, you could collapse and suffer from a heat stroke if you weren't careful, so you rolled up your shorts a little and slipped on shoes, taming your hair and heading out of your messy room towards the mess hall, eyes finding your friends and groggily plunging into the bench besides Eren and your other buddies, "sleep well?" Connie laughs, you scowl at him.

"Yea! I was dreamin' about you too! Too bad you ruined it, I was just getting to the good part."

Connie laughs and shakes his head, shoveling food down into his mouth, "I don't even wanna know what that dream was about." Jean grumbles, ruffling his hair to remove it from his clammy forehead; Jean was a difficult one to crack, he usually blushed and would cut your trifling demeanor right off at the knees, he was more for Mikasa's quiet and ethical personality.

"Shut it Kirstein- I do!" Connie protests, you wink at him.

"I'll tell you when I get you alone, how 'bout that Springer?"

Eren could be heard from your left, snorting, you glance over and see his arm raise and head towards your back, yanking your bra and snapping it back against your skin, you unleash an 'ouch' and attempt to reach back and rub the area, "White shirt with a red bra underneath? Who're you tryna' impress?" You shrug.

"Captain, of course."

"More like you dressed in the dark this morning." Eren bullies.

"Captain, what?" Connie and Sasha childishly roll and bounce around in their seats, bellowing laughter while you slowly turn around to face your boss, he reiterates one more time before you chuckle and scratch the back of your neck.

"Talking about how good my boss looks today," the words that roll off your tongue make The tense up and sigh in annoyance, beginning to walk away, you pout, tilting your head, "am I wrong?"

"Keep it up, y/n, I'll have you in a cell indefinitely if you continue this adolescent behavior." He doesn't look twice at you, leaving as quickly as he came. Halting your comments right as they came flying out of your mouth, he had to have been enjoying them! Perhaps a little.

Right as the man in charge begins to leave the hall, he stops, peers his head over to meet your eyes.

"-In chains." Your eyes widen, a perverted grin growing onto your face, looking left to right baffled, 'in chains?' gawking to see if any of your friends noticed the innuendo, but it seemed they were well absorbed in their own business.

But someone heard him.

"In chains?"

You look at Eren, he shared the same shock as you, you wriggle your eyebrows and nudge his side, "I'm not the only one who heard it, so maybe I'm not going crazy." You giggle, finishing your meal and gossiping amongst your friends until it was time to go.

To pass time during the day, you all wasted hours cleaning up to your captain's expectations, finally relieving yourselves for the rest of the evening before dinner; walking down the streets of your town, stopping at the shops down the gravel streets. While everyone talks, your head is elsewhere; replaying that remark Levi made about the chains, borderline obsessing over it- rightfully so.

When he said the word 'chains', you instantly recalled the context behind his innuendo, unless you were going insane, but you had made a joke- your first endeavor at flirting with your boss, mentioning to him using the same chains he used on Eren in court a few years back, your friends condemning your extraverted behavior on the spot; when to no avail, Levi did not feed into that well, sending you to isolation shortly after. And then to Erwin's office to explain yourself... in front of him, Commander Hange, and Levi. Nonetheless, it didn't stop you from toying with the man.

You were somewhat... wild.

Enjoying the rest of your stress-free hours, you spend the evening sitting comfortably in the large common area after dinner; all of you except Eren, who didn't appear at dinner either. God knows where he was.

You lounge beside Armin and Jean, your head on Jean's shoulder per-usual.

"Jean, has Mikasa told you how good you look today?" You hum, his face is instantly soaked up in a rosy flush as he throws his hands over his ears to block your weird comments from reaching his ears, "Mikasa?" you quirk an eyebrow.

"Don't be absurd, y/n" she laughs, "Jean, don't listen to her."

"Jean, you look extra good today," you lean over closer to him, "just thought I'd tell ya'."

"Yeah, yeah." He cracks a small smile, you pat his shoulder then fall back into your seat.

"Awh- c'mon Kirstein, you know I-"

"Y/n, Captain needs to see you..." Eren's voice interrupts the chatting, his head peers into the room, you and your friends falling silent.

"You're probably in trouble again." Armin sighs disappointingly. You promptly stand, "good luck." dragging your feet towards your supposed 'escort', Meeting Eren at the door frame of the corridor, his hands stuffed in his pockets with a deadpan look, watching you begin to take lead ahead of him, "how do you know Levi wants to see me?" You question, examining him whilst walking through the hallways, up the stairs, and around the corner, a few feet away from your Captain's headquarters.

"We talked."

With an uncertain look on your face, churning with turmoil, Eren is knocking once, then twice before pushing open the engraved wooden door, 'Captain didn't even ask who it was at the door-' you furrow your eyebrows, his hand on your back, quickly whisking you into the large room, abruptly stopping in front of his desk.

Your feet are glued to the floor while Eren is closing the door. Levi stands there, propped up against his desk with his arms crossed. The room was eerily silent, you were becoming slightly intimidated. Do you stand? Talk? Sit?

The silence was unbearable.

"Do you need me-"

"I'm fed up, with your manner, cadet." Levi interrupts.

"If I may- Captain," He nods for you to proceed, "why is Eren here?" Captain was very much capable of taking care of reprimanding you on his own, you were almost irritated that Eren was lingering behind you, feeling his eyes burning voids in the back of your head, disrespectfully.

"Isn't that what you want?" Eyes doubling in size, you swerve your head to attempt and get a view of Eren, but Levi halts you once more, treading closer to you so you can look at him, "you don't need to look at Eren."

"I- I don't quite understand."

No one says anything. The air is now thick, more difficult to swallow for oxygen, you were entirely thrown off track with the way he was speaking to you, the way he was looking at you made you want to make a run for it, "Cat got your tongue? Y/n?" Chills rake up and down your body when you feel Eren's breath on your neck, sending your head flying behind you to see the blue-eyed devil almost pressed against your back, you look back at Levi frantically.

"Sit."

Without pause, your ass is planted into one of his chairs, "why aren't you being stubborn? Where's that attitude that constantly gets you into trouble?" Feeling as if you're shrinking, the two men are overlooking you, "go on."

"I- well,"

"She has nothing to say for herself, Cap." Eren looks at Levi, "told you she was all talk." He jabs, were you dreaming?

Your heart thumped out of your chest, you never dreamed of Levi taking it this far, especially when he was so professional... "y/n," Levi's finger touches underneath your chin, raising your head to look at the two men, "always teasing me when you do the same to Eren, so slutty, don't you think, cadet?"

Your mouth drops open at his use of words, finally- the game caught up to you, and you were facing the repercussions, "don't be all shy now."

"I'm not-"

"Then if you're not shy, get on your knees and show us how much you’ve wanted us.”

You hesitate to move, but eventually find yourself slowly sliding out of the chair and onto your knees, "not in my office, go in my room." Eren grabs your arm, walking towards his adjoining room, Levi opens the door and permits you to be ushered in by both him and Eren; Eren grabs you by the hair and directs you back onto your knees in front of your captain's bed, "she's so compliant now that she knows we aren't joking anymore," Levi scoffs, standing behind you while Eren is unbuttoning his jeans right in front of your eyes, a combination of anxiousness and warmth growing in the pit of your gut, looking up at him through your eyelashes, licking across your bottom lip hungrily.

"Be a good girl and open for Eren," Levi bunches up your hair from behind, removing it from around your face.

"Yes sir."

Sticking out your tongue, you try to relax your throat once seeing the size of the man, Levi's grip on your hair prevents you from getting a good look at it before his cock is nudging gently into your mouth, down your tongue, and to the back of your throat, fastening your lips around the base of his cock whilst swirling your tongue when he pulls out of your throat, groaning when your tongue works him with ease.

"So good," He hums, grabbing the sides of your face, Levi drops your hair from his hold so Eren can pick up his pace, using his hands to guide you; gagging and choking while he fucks your throat, saliva dripping down your chin, at the verge of tears, you take his length as far as you can manage. Eren grunting and huffing; only throbbing more when he sees the little tears drip down your cheeks. He heaves out of you, your tongue lolled out while strings of spit follow his cock, the men are astonished at the sight of you gasping for air, but they weren't going to tell you that.

"Are you gonna be good for me and our captain, princess?" Eren crouches down to meet your eyes, clever smile on his face, you nod and he stands you up by your armpit.

You had virtually no control over yourself, they were moving you to where they saw fit; right on your hands and knees into the soft plush sheets, "what do you want, y/n?" you listen from behind you, your head is yanked backward, Levi is there, his free hand wrapped around your jugular loosely, his shirt unbuttoned.

"I want you both to fuck me," you gasp out, they both snicker at you.

"Too easy, way too easy, such a fuckin' whore, imagine wanting both of us," Eren taunts, snatching your shorts down to your knees and lifting your shirt to grab onto the thin waistband of your underwear, "you want Jean to fuck you too? Got any other favorites?" Levi shoves you back onto the mattress, your arms catching you while Levi continues to remove your shorts from your knees, tossing them on the floor, rough hands caressing and pulling apart your ass, both men watch your panties slip in the separated cave of your ass, Eren pulling off your shirt and unclasping your bra.

"N-o, only you guys."

"Who do you want more? Me or your other little fucktoy?" Levi sneers, moving to your front, once again lifting you by your chin, keeping you still while Eren rubs his fingers against the soaked cloth. Pulling upwards against your cunt, the pressure making your clit spasm and scream for the touch of his actual fingers, looking desperate and hungry at your captain.

"I- I can't choose."

Your chest rising and falling, Eren is finally relieving you from your panties, fingers instantly meeting your folds and slipping past your entrance with his two fingers, you whine, eyes rolling to the back of your head, knuckles curving downwards to hook into you and find your sweet spots.

"Well aren't you lucky, you get both of us, even though you don't deserve it," Your captain smirks, getting on his knees, fiddling with the button of his slacks, zipping them down and pushing them past his thighs, "I think she needs to beg for it." He looks at Eren, his erection making itself known from beneath his boxers, fingers quickly scissoring the roots of your hair while he frees himself from his constraints.

"I wanna be your slut- please make me cum." They smile, pleased with your submissiveness.

Cock spilling with precum, he scooches towards your salivating mouth and holds your level to his cock, centimeters away, "so fuckin' wet, can't say I'm surprised you get off to this." Eren's tip rubbing between your folds, collecting the slick that was seeping from your hungry pussy. He pushes into you while Levi is pushing into your mouth, both holes becoming occupied by their pulsating cocks; they longed to fill you up, the torturous teasing you put them through the second you turned eighteen was bound to make them snap- you didn't know what you expected, to be honest, you asked for this.

Eren fucks you slow, savoring the feeling of you clench and suck him in further, pussy stretching from the sheer size of him, veins from the base of his cock hitting and rubbing against the very nerves that were screaming for him to go faster.

Levi fucks deep into your throat, he was about Eren's size, perhaps a little thinner, but he was no match for your throat, choking up the spit from past your throat to lube his cock further. You bring your hand up to assist you, twisting your hand back and forth- up and down while you stimulated his sensitive tip with your tongue, hollowing out your cheeks to suck him back in and repeat.

He was becoming unkempt, his mouth ajar with little moans slipping past his lips, hair dangling in front of the sides of his face while his hips bucked back and forth into the depths of your cave.

"My God, so wet."

You moaned against Levi's cock, Eren speeding up and reaching your cervix, your juices slushing and pussy squeaking while he stretches you out. When his hips connected to your backside, you only want to shrivel up more from the pace he was hitting the hole of your tight cervix. Initially, it hurt, but almost instantly it began to feel pleasurable for both you and Eren, he was reaching great lengths inside of you. He's always wanted to fuck you; almost disappointed in himself that he didn't do this before.

"Taking me so well, I can barely fit," he grunts, "you like my cock y/n? Isn't this what you wanted with your bullshit teasing?" he smacks your ass, crying out, his hips jutting back and forth against you mercilessly, sending jolts into every bone of your body.

He slaps you again, your right ass cheeks burning and tingling from the strength of his slap, "fuckin' slut, better be quiet."

Levi pulls out of your throat, finally able to audible out the loud weeps and cries, he throws his hand over your mouth, "shut up before you get us caught."

"Fuck, Eren!" you wail, ignoring Levis commands, gasps and moans fly around the room, his cock filling you perfectly to the point where you felt like you were made to shape him.

"Open." his hand is forcing your jaw open, sticking your panties into your mouth to silence you. You cry into the fabric, the coil twirling up in your stomach, clenching your walls while he drills into you, his cock rubbing against your g-spot, sending you into a frenzy.

Levi fists his cock for the time being while Eren is chasing his orgasm, knocking into you- inching you towards your orgasm. The back of your head tingling, your pussy twitching, and your stomach tightening, the room spiraling around you while you drop your head into the mattress, eyes screwed shut; Eren tearing an earth-shattering orgasm out of your body.

You see stars and a bright white consumes you, hands reaching to grasp anything, finding Levi's bicep and digging your nails into his skin for support while Eren's cock bathes in your cum, his hands pressing into the small of your back, "'boutta cum, right in this pretty little pussy." He spits, pinning your back to a better arch, you cry into the sheets when Erens thrusts loosen a little, sporadic and stabbing thrusts until he's panting and dumping a large load of his seed into your cunt, letting out moans and swears of approval. Your body convulsing, wanting to collapse.

Erin's lightheaded, dizzy and sweating, little bangs and baby hairs sticking to his soaked face, watching your cum drip down your thighs, the wetness from your pussy which had soaked his stomach, it was a fucking mess.

Everywhere.

He pulls out of you, your cream coating his cock; snatching a shirt and wiping himself clean, hiking up his boxers, "you're not done. On your back, now."

Without warning nor regard, you're pushed forward into Levi's hands by Eren to get you moving quicker; you slide onto your back, Levi takes charge and steps off the bed, hauling you by the thighs until you're at the edge of the bed, Levi pressing his hands under your thighs, holding them up and letting his cock slap against your cum-filled cunt, biting onto his bottom lip, teasing his cock into you.

He leans down, taking out the pair of underwear from your mouth, "keep quiet, understood?"

Quickly nodding and bracing yourself, happy to feel warm again.

"Did Eren fill you good?" he asks calmly, you nod.

"Yes- Levi."

Levi halts mid-thrust, peeved look on his face, "yes what, y/n?" you swallow hard, throat dry from the cloth.

"Y-yes Captain, he did." You mewl, he nods once before finishing his thrust.

"This pussy is so tight, even after he stretched you out like this?" he huffs, head dipped down- eyes filed to your pussy sucking in his cock so well; hair flopping back and forth, "I told you I was gonna do something about that mouth of yours, didn't I?"

"Y-you did, sir." You wail.

Levi didn't hold back, each of his sharp thrusts made you more tender inside, little cries fall from your swollen lips while Eren sits beside your head, big arm reaching over your face and kneading your boob, he watches them bounce slightly as Levi ruts into you. Rolling your hard erected nipple in between his fingers, "look at that face, are you gonna cum again?" you look up at Eren, who wears a smug look on his face, "are you gonna cum on Captain's cock, y/n?" you whine, trying to remain quieter under your Captain's directions.

"Gonna-" Eren's hand moves once more- over towards your clit.

This was the first time tonight you had felt this overstimulation, hissing in air and biting onto the skin of your lip, hand grasping Eren's wrist as he swirls little- yet strong circles into your clit, your mouth slacks open, “please! Feels so-" another burst of spasms erupting, thighs shaking and clenching around Levi's waist, "f-fuck me- Fuck me harder Captain, please!" You cry, walls convulsing, cum seeping out of you, down your ass and the base of his cock while he fucks you silly, Eren bringing you that much closer to a euphoric feeling again as he rubs your spasming clit.

"Yeah? You want me to fuck you like the whore you are, right?" Levi pants, cockhead rubbing against your sensitive and exhausted g-spot.

"Who can fuck you better?" Unable to audible, Eren moves faster around your num.

"Don't disobey our Captain, pretty girl- use your words." Screwing your eyes shut, the two men await your answer.

"I-I don't know- Ah!" Your back arches, core tightening for the second time tonight- body shaking as the following orgasm sends you over the moon, Eren's hand smacked over your mouth, you wail into his hand, Levi pins your legs open, leaning down to fuck into you harder, thrashing into your guts, pussy gushing around him until he is groaning and throwing his head back while he slams into you, his stomach nearly slapping against Eren's fingers, his dick twitching. His cheeks rosy and his muscles flexed.

"Fuck, so good- so tight- keep squeezing-" he breathes.

You're dazed from the rocking of his hips, he slows, catching his breath while he releases, coating your bruised walls with his cum. Your body left empty and quivering as Levi is slipping out of your cunt, Eren handing him the same shirt he used to wipe himself off with; your captain retrieving it and cleaning the amount of cum that was left on his softening dick, moving to you and carefully wiping the inside of your thighs and beaten cunt.

Catching your breath, Levi is picking his boxers up from the floor and pulling them up along with his pants, “don’t stay there forever, my sheets need to be switched.” He states, Eren reaches for your hand and helps you sit up, putting his shirt over your head and you slip through the arms, feet meeting the cold wooden floor, you attempt to stand, your knees buckling, Eren grabs you by the tricep before you land on the floor and sits you back on the bed.

“I think it would look suspicious if I carried you out of here, can you walk?”

You nod, “yeah.”

Standing again, you're able to succeed, reaching for your underwear, Eren already had it swinging around his index finger, “I’ll hold onto these.”

With no willpower to object, you just pull up your shorts and pick up your shoes.

“Walk her back, Jaeger, don't do anything stupid.”

You and Eren both leave your Captain’s office quietly, the hall empty and empty, you and he slowly walk back, you laughed at the thought about how it would be a tough one to explain why Eren was shirtless and you were- quite obviously- wearing his shirt while he holds your stained shirt in his hand.

With great luck, you and he make it without running into anyone, reaching your door, you and him enter and you shut the door behind him.

“Here’s your shirt.”

He watches you as you throw off his shirt, tossing it to him and opening a drawer, and grabbing one of your own.

Before you realize it.

“Uhm, Eren, I forgot my bra.” Glancing down at your bare chest, Eren shrugs it off and laughs.

“Captain wanted to keep something too, princess.”

#levi smut #levi ackerman #levi aot #levi and eren #levi x reader #eren jeager smut #eren x reader #eren x reader x levi #eren aot #attack on titan smut #smut #eren jaeger #eren yeager #lemon #attack on titan

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jadequeen88 · 3 years

Text

Incel Tomura

I couldn’t think of a good title for this, so... I just went with something real blunt. Anyway, this was inspired by a friend and how she actually met her IRL boyfriend.

PAIRING: Incel!Shigaraki x egirl!reader

TW: face sitting, degradation, mommy kink, reader basically bullying Tomura (he deserves it)

3.2k~

AS ALWAYS MY FICS ARE STRICTLY 18+

“TCH!”

Tomura scoffed at the screen of his laptop. The Discord server he helped admin had gone to shit since he let that idiot Dabi loosen the requirements to join. It was one thing when Toga joined. He knew she was a decent gamer. But you? With those stereotypical cat-ear headsets, perfectly done make-up and short skirts? Please… He saw right through you. Just another fake ~uwu~ e-girl trying to pretend they knew what they were talking about.

It didn’t end with you being annoyingly informed in the gaming chat, either. You were always in the anime and manga chats, too… Suggesting different ones that there’s no way you actually enjoyed.

But the WORST part of you being in the server? Spamming the picture chat with selfies and outfit pics. No, it wasn’t against the guidelines and yes, you got lots of compliments (of course, you were clearly hot), but it made Tomura livid. Where there used to be pics of half-built PCs and screenshots of character upgrades, now there were endless pictures meant to tease and bait the guys in the server.

Today’s picture is what sent him completely over the edge. Your hair was put up in two messy space buns, signature pink cat-eared headset perched on your head. Your black, mesh top was straining against your tight, hot pink bra, barely hiding your cleavage and your slender neck was adorned with a chunky, black collar with a large, silver ring hanging from the front. The icing on the cake, though… the thing that broke him, was the face you were making. Eyes crossed, little pink tongue lolling past your perfect hot-pink lips, it was an obvious ahegao face. The caption read:

“New collar! Thank you for da gift @XxXknifey_wifeyXxX”

Followed by a bunch of annoying ass emojis.

Tomura shifted in his gaming chair, his growing bulge making his sweats tight. He gritted his teeth and opened his DMs…

******

You snickered as you opened your text chat with Dabi. Poor Tomura… He had no clue his friend was an old high school buddy of yours and sent screenshots every single time he bitched about your presence on the server. At first, it was just a couple of snide comments, but you quickly decided to turn it into a game. You’d add more emojis than you normally would, flirt shamelessly with Toga in the chat, and be very vocal with your opinions. Then it progressed with more and more selfies, pics showing off your new skirts, and pics of your pink, girly gaming setup. Today you pushed it with the ahegao face, you’ll admit. It was pretty out of character for you, but you couldn’t wait to hear about Tomura’s reaction from Dabi.

It was everything you hoped it would be:

Decay_666_

So can we give those bitches their own chat or what? Seriously, I’m sick of seeing their shit everywhere. Did you see her ahegao face selfie? This server was supposed to be for ACTUAL gamers, not fake e-girl sluts spamming the chat with their bullshit…

Cremation_Daddy

Lol, damn dude, calm down… we can make a separate chat. You’re the only one on the server complaining. Y/N really fucking you up that bad?

Decay_666_

Oh, fuck off… she’s just being an attention whore and it’s getting on my nerves.

Cremation_Daddy

Yeah, whatever you say. Prolly jerkin it to that selfie right now

You didn’t know why, but you kinda had a crush on the skinny loser. Knowing how worked up he’d get over the smallest things you did thrilled you. You wanted to know just how badly you affected him and today was the day you’d find out.

*****

Tomura heard a ping from his monitor alerting him to a new DM. expecting it to be Dabi giving him more shit, he scowled and clicked over to his Discord tab. When he saw that it was you DMing him, it was like someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head. He could barely type he was so nervous.

Y/N

Hey :)

Decay_666_

Y/N

How did you like my new collar?

Tomura panicked. Had Dabi said something? There’s no way he’d do that. How did he even respond to that? He decided to feign ignorance.

Decay_666_

What collar?

Y/N

*image*

He audibly gasped. You sent him the selfie you’d posted in the chat earlier. Somehow, it was even hotter than the first time he’d seen it. Probably because you had sent it to him. You wanted to make sure he saw it. The thought alone made him painfully hard. He typed out a shaky response:

Decay_666_

Yeah… you look really pretty :)

He grimaced. He couldn’t think of anything clever when he was put on the spot like that. Plus, how long had it been since he’d spoken to a girl one on one? Much less a hot one? Never. That’s when.

Y/N

Aww, you’re so sweet :) wanna see it in person?

Now Tomura was wondering if he’d died and gone to heaven. Did she want to meet up? Wearing that fucking collar? There’s no way… He stared at the screen for a good ten minutes before another ping brought him back to reality.

Y/N

I’m free now if you are. Plus, there’s a new episode of *insert favorite anime* out and I didn’t wanna watch it alone.

Decay_666_

Yeah. Sure.

His response was almost uninterested but inside he was panicking. When was the last time he showered? How much time did he have to get ready? Did he even have any clean clothes? He leaped from his chair and ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Another ping rang out and he raced to check his DMs to see that you’d sent your address. To his surprise, you only lived a short walk from him. Another jolt of excitement shot through his spine as he quickly responded.

Decay_666_

Be over in 30 :)

He turned on the shower then started picking through his pile of clothes finding the ones that smelled the least offensive. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this nervous and excited at the same time.

*****

Tomura shifted from one foot to the other, nervously scratching at the side of his neck. He caught himself before the skin there broke and he ended up having to deal with a bloody neck on top of already being a nervous wreck. He’d only been standing outside your apartment for a minute or two, but it felt like an eternity. He kept checking his phone to distract himself. Just as he was starting to question if this had been a good idea, the door flung open.

His eyes widened and his mouth turned into a thin line. You answered the door in a fucking towel. He began opening and closing his mouth like a fish that had been plucked from the water. You giggled innocently like it was perfectly normal to answer the door nearly naked.

“You’re here a little earlier than I expected! I just got out of the shower. Come on in,” you moved to the side to give him room to walk through the door into your small apartment. You were sure to not move completely out of the way so he’d have to almost brush against your chest. You could feel him stiffen and hold his breath as he passed by.

This was going to be so much fun…

*****

Tomura’s dick had been painfully hard the moment he’d seen you in that towel. Luckily, when you’d gone into your bedroom to get dressed, he was able to position it in his waistband so he wouldn’t be pitching a tent in front of you. The thought of you noticing him popping a boner just by looking at you in a towel was mortifying.

However, what you decided to change into didn’t help his situation. Your baby pink terry cloth shorts would have shown the curve of your ass had it not been for the little row of ruffles around the bottom. Your tank top, the same baby pink color as your shorts, was pulled tight across your chest (holy shit, were you not wearing a bra?!). A fleeting glance at your chest proved to Tomura that you definitely were not wearing a bra.

“You can come on back,” you beckoned from the doorway of your bedroom, “I thought we’d be more comfortable in here…”

He gulped and rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans before nodding and rising to walk towards you. Your room was foreign to him. Decorated with all shades of pink and purple, soft, plush bedding, and a soft pink glow emanated from the LED strip lights that lined the walls. Tomura stood awkwardly, looking around for a chair to sit in when you flopped onto your bed and began pulling up the streaming app on your tv.

You looked up at him sweetly and patted the spot on the plush comforter next to you. “Come sit, Tomu! You don’t have to stand way over there. I don’t stink, ya know,” the wink you gave him made his knees buckle.

“Umm,” he chuckled nervously, “No, of course not. You, uhh… you smell…”

No, you were way too close. This was bad. There’s no way he would be able to string together a coherent thought, much less hold an actual conversation with you. You pout and lean in even closer to him.

“Tomuuuuu!” fuck, he hated that he loved that stupid nickname, “You think I smell?!”

“What?! N-no, not at all. I was trying to say that-”

Before he could finish his sentence, you tilted your head to the side offering up your neck for him to smell and he swears his eyes crossed as he tried to absorb what was happening.

“I even wore my new perfume! Go on, smell. Tell me what you think,” you smirk looking out of the corner of your eye.

Fuck.

You were teasing him, he knew you were, but his dick was so hard that he was completely at your mercy. He leaned in to take a tentative sniff and his eyes wandered lower. His breath hitched when he noticed the outline of your hardened nipples peeking through the thin material of your tank top. Before he knew what was happening, you turned your face forward and put your mouth next to his ear.

“Are you looking down my shirt, you pervert?” you purred. Tomura made some sort of incoherent noise and pulled away.

You laughed and pushed his shoulder playfully, “Geeze, I’m just kidding! You’re wound so tight.” you pause making a thoughtful face.

“Oh, I know how to help! Come on, over here,” you pulled him between your spread thighs and proceeded to rub his shoulders, working out all of the knots in his lean back.

After a few seconds, Tomura began to relax into your touch, slumping slightly and letting out a tiny sigh. He was deathly still the entire time you massaged him. He was terrified if he moved too much that his raging boner would free itself from his waistband. When your hands left his shoulders, he started to move away just to be pulled back into your lap. His head landed in your cleavage as your hands trailed down his chest.

“Hmm, so tense, Tomu,” you whispered into the crown of his hair, “Is my massage not working?”

He wanted to yell that of course he was tensed up. That his dick is the hardest it’s ever been in his life and if he doesn’t hold as still as possible, he’s scared he might start humping the air like a pathetic dog. Before he can answer, your hand trails down to the waistband of his jeans, and he freezes. The tips of your fingers brush across his leaking tip and Tomura lets out a low, needy moan before he can stop himself.

“Just what I thought,” you purred as you began to trail your fingers up and down the hard bulge in his jeans, “Pathetic. Look at you, so fucking hard for me. And all I did was rub your shoulders.” He wanted to defend himself, but all he could do was whine as his eyes rolled in the back of his head while you continued touching him through his jeans.

“And to think, I never thought you’d want anything to do with some fake bimbo like me. Because I only game and watch anime for attention, right?” you squeeze his cock through his jeans, causing him to yelp. “Well? What do you have to say for yourself, incel? Wanna tell me why your dick is this hard for me if I’m so annoying to you?”

The realization that Dabi had told you everything flitted through the back of his mind, but he didn’t have room in his brain right then to be mad at him. He had to do whatever he needed to do to keep you touching him.

“I, ahh... I’m s-sorry,” he stuttered pathetically. The front of his jeans was wet from your teasing and the denim was rubbing him raw through his thin boxers, “D-didn’t, fuck, didn’t mean it like… ahh, l-like th-that.”

You loved how easily you could wreck him. You pet his hair back from his sweaty brow as you cooed at him lovingly.

“You know,” you removed your hand from the front of his jeans and he whined from the lack of friction, “You really hurt my feelings, baby. I thought you were so cool and the whole time, behind my back, you said just mean things about me.”

He sat up and turned to face you. His pathetic, needy gaze shot straight to your core. The power you held made you drunk and you desperately wanted more.

“No, no no no…” he grabbed your hands and you realized how clammy they were, “I’m-I’m so sorry. Please! Please…”

“Hmm,” you studied him for a moment, “Well… There might be a way you could make me feel a little better.” you tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, “You were so mean to me.”

“Anything! Please! I-I’ll do anything for you!” desperation started creeping in, thinking you’d leave him hanging with no relief. Little did he know, you had no intention of letting him go any time soon. Your plush lips curled into a devious smile. A soft hand reached up cupping his jaw.

“What a good boy, Tomu,” a tremor passed through his body. You reached over to your nightstand and pulled out the collar you’d taken the selfie in.

“You know,” the collar danced between your painted nails, “This also came with a leash. I was thinking,” your lust-filled eyes meet his, “If you wanted to be a good boy for me… You’d let me see how pretty it looks around your neck.”

Tomura hesitated, his eyes rapidly moving between your eyes and the collar you held. After a moment of consideration, he nodded. You giggled and clapped your hands together excitedly leaping off the bed. You returned with a short, chain-link leash.

“Now,” you leaned in and fastened the collar around his neck. Your bodies were centimeters apart and Tomura thought he might pass out, “When you’re wearing your collar, you don’t call me Y/N,” you nudge his ear with your nose and whisper, “You call me ‘Mommy.’ Do you understand?” you feel him nod against your face.

“That’s not how good boys answer their Mommy. When you answer me, you say, ‘Yes Mommy’ or ‘No Mommy.’ Is that clear?”

“Y-yes… Mommy.”

“Mmm, what a good boy,” you placed a soft kiss on his neck and he let out the most delicious whimper. You hooked a finger through the ring on the front of the collar, “You’re gonna go sit in Mommy’s gaming chair and let her use you as a toy. Okay?”

Tomura’s head was spinning and he almost couldn’t answer until you jerked him by his collar, “Y-yes, Mommy. Please, please make me your toy.”

You stood and dragged him over to your chair and made him sit, “What a polite boy you are! Saying ‘please’ without being asked. If you keep that up, you just might get a reward,” his belt buckle rattled as you worked his jeans down his narrow hips.

A ragged breath escaped his chapped lips as you removed your tiny shorts revealing a black, lace thong. You straddled his lap, your dripping slit hovering a centimeter over the angry, leaking head of his cock. His hands shook as you placed them on your hips and slowly moved your thong to the side. Descending an inch at a time, only teasing his tip, was causing him to come undone underneath you.

“You’re already so close and I’ve only put the tip in. You better be a good boy and not come until I tell you to or you’re going to be punished,” you pushed another couple of inches inside and he nearly wept.

“I-I’m trying, M-mommy! I wanna be a good boy!”

“Mmm, I know, baby. You’re doing so,” another inch, “So…” and another, “Well.” you were fully seated on his cock now. Tomura knew he wouldn’t last. Your velvet walls were sucking him down harder than anything ever had before. It made his fleshlight feel like it was made of sandpaper. You had ruined him for anything else.

With a few rolls of your hips and some high, airy moans, he was about to bust. “Mommy! Mommy, please! I-I’m g-gonna…”

“Tomu,” your voice was authoritative now, “If you come in Mommy’s pussy, I’m going to make you clean it out with your tongue then I’m going to sit on your face until I come as many times as I want.” your hand wrapped around his throat and you started bouncing on his cock. Your filthy words and aggressive motions catapulted him into an orgasm.

“You bad, BAD boy,” a smack to his cheek broke off his moans, “You disobeyed me! Did you do that on purpose?” your hand around his neck flexes, “Are you just a dirty incel that wants Mommy to get mean with you? Answer, Tomu!”

“Yes, Mommy!”

“Tell Mommy what you are…”

“I-I’m a-a… dirty incel.”

“And what do you want?”

“W-want… want Mommy to b-be mean to me…”

You lift him by the collar and attach the leash. He’s thrown onto the bed and you waste no time hovering your dripping slit over his face.

“Now,” you jerk the leash, “Clean up your mess.”

Tomura knew he should be disgusted right now, but his dick was getting harder by the second. With each lick inside your sloppy hole, he shamelessly moaned against your skin. The vibrations were going straight to your clit, causing you to ride his face harder. This went on until you’d almost reached your peak.

“Oh, baby,” you’re making Mommy feel so, so good, “I-I’m gonna…”

Tomura grabbed your ass and moved you back and forth on his face as he sucked your clit into his mouth. Your orgasm hit hard and fast. You lifted your body giving him a moment to breathe before sitting back down, earning a startled mumble from him.

“Don’t think that’s all,” you laughed and humped his face, making his eyes roll into the back of his head, “Be a good boy and mommy might even let you come…”

Tomura only nodded as he began to eat you again like he was starved. Maybe all the stuff you posted in the Discord server wasn’t so annoying anymore...

#Shigaraki #tomura shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki x you #bnha smut #tw // mommy kink #tw degradation #tw face sitting #jade writes smut

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technowoah · 3 years

Note

i just really want jack manifold fluff if you’re taking requests like the reader joins jack for laugh and the stream ends idk you can do what you feel is best :]

Free Content Darling

Jack manifold my beloved ♥

Im so behind on requests yall forgive me 😪

Literally sorry in advance-

Jack Manifold x gen neutral! reader (established) blurb imagine

⚠︎ slight swearing, petnames, and a lot of fluff, a little bit of writers block from me :( I didn't proofread LMAONSK HELP-

Masterlist

"Darling! C'mere!" You heard Jack yell from his recording room. You were currently curled up on the couch scrolling through twitter. The trending page had "JACK" and "TRY NOT TO LAUGH" on the top. The tweets under the trending topics was filled with comments about Jack's stream and other streams happening.

You had heard him laughing and yelling in his recording room before. To be completely honest you dont know why he invited you over his house in the first place. You showed up at his house wanting to just relax and have a fun time with Jack, but after a couple minutes he had told you he had a stream already scheduled today and left to you to your own devices.

Thats how ended up on the couch looking at tweets that talked about your boyfriends stream.

You lazily rolled off the couch and onto your feet. You had the fluffy socks Jack had gotton you as a small gift. You both ended up getting the same socks and slipped around the house because of the hardwood floor. It was a fun activity until you were both mimicking ballroom dancing untill you both slipped and fell on the hardwood floor. It was a small moment but then after you both were more careful around his house.

Opening the door to his recording office you peaked your head inside now knowing if he wanted you completely inside or just wanted to quickly tell you something. The door was in frame when he streams so you couldn't be discreet.

"Hey-"

"Hey! Y/N! Guys it's Y/N!" Jack exclaimed showing you off to the stream. "Come over here love." He waved you over while rolling his identical gaming chair for you to sit on.

You smiled and made your way over to sit beside him in the broken chair.

"Why'd you give me the broken chair this time?" You smiled as you questioned him.

"I mean they are identical, no one would've noticed."

"We'll you told everyone who sat in it that it was broken." You said matter of factly.

"Do you want to sit in this one?" Jack asked pointing to the chair underneath him.

"Yeah I do." You said while putting your hands together in a prayer position. "You wanna switch with me?"

"No, not really Im quite comfortable in my own chair love." Jack said with a smirk leaning back in his chair.

"You sure?"

"Yeah pretty much." Jack's smile widened as he saw your frustration grow.

"Dickhead." You said under your breath.

Jack started to laugh. "What did you say?" He swiveled his chair to face you.

"Nothing. You're hearing things." You smirked.

Meanwhile the chat was freaking out about your interactions. You werent a stranger to Jack's fanbase. A year ago you were just Jack's roommate, but then he slowly introduced you as his significant other. He started flirting with you on stream and on twitter, then after a couple months of that he titled a stream "MEET MY S/O!!!". It was weird for you to be on stream for the first time, but you became accustomed to it.

"What did you want me to do again?" You asked. Jack probably forgot the reason he called you in there in the first place.

"Oh yeah! I wanted to do a stream with you! A you laugh the stream ends type thing. Also the chat was asking for you, they missed you apparently."

"Oh of course they did, I think they love me more than you."

"Yeah I think so! And its not right!" Jack exclaimed and you laughed along with him.

"I think we already lost the challenge, cause we've been laughing for a while haven't we?" You brought up.

"Well the challenge hasn't started. And if we laugh you have to get bonked in the bead with this pillow." Jack had gotton up and walked around the room searching for something to become a punishment. "We have 3 lives each and if we use up all of our lives the stream ends."

"And I have you all to myself?" You asked slightly serious. You still were irked because of tbe fact he invited you over and left you, I mean you are here now next to him, but you wanted time without a camera and monitors in your face.

"Yeah love, of course. But you have to laugh!" Jack exclaimed.

Thinking about the situation, you wanted to laugh and lose all your lives on purpose so you two could have alone time together.

"Fine let's go!"

"Alright then!"

"You suck at this game dont ya?" Jack laughed as mutiple short videos from fans kept popping up on the screen. "You have one more life and I only have two."

It was 30 minutes into the stream and youve been hit with the pillow on Jack's lap more times than you could count, at least that what it felt like. You were on your last life and actually trying to stay in the game after realizing how much fun this was. Maybe you were being selfish, because you were right next to him doing things that you two were going to do alone.

"You have no sense of humor babe." You replied back.

"I do have a sense of humor! I could say my sense of humor is broken even."

"Well mine is too when we compare how many lives we have left."

"Good point."

"YOU LAUGHED!" You stood up confronting him trying to pry the pillow out of his hands to hit him with.

"NO! I did not! Let go!" Jack said still sitting down struggling to keep a good grip on the pillow. You successfully took the pillow out of his hands and started repeatedly hitting him with it as he tried to shield himself.

"Augh! Stop!"

"He laughed! He laughed, you guys saw that right?" You bent down into frame reading the chat while they spammed "YES" and "HIT HIM"

"See, they agree with me Manifold." You said confidently.

"They're just want to see me lose. I'm too powerful." He shrugged.

"Anways! 1 to 1! Loser!" You hit him with the pillow again.

"Stop!"

The stream continued on and the both of you were begging eachother to keep your one lives that you both had left. Everytime you snickered a bit Jack would catch it and vice versa. The stream went on longer than Jack planned, but it seemed like he was having fun. Finally after an hour of streaming and bickering between you both You ended up laughing at this stupid vine from long ago.

"YOU LAUGHED I WON!" Jack threw his hands up in victory. "Holy shit we can end the stream, this took forever."

"You wanna end the stream?" You asked after calming down.

"Well we could just chill and talk to chat, but I would've thought you wanted to chill without.." Jack gestured to the monitors on his stream. "All that."

"How'd you know I wanted to do that?" You asked with a small smile.

Jack shrugged. "Well I kind of left you here in my flat and went to go stream for a while. That was a dick move."

"Well thats what I wanted at first but then you called me in here. I was trying to get all of my lives down, but then I realized how much fun I was having." You explained. For a second you forgot that he was still live until you saw flashing text across a screen out of the corner of your eye.

"It was selfish of me-"

"It wasnt selfish bub! I feel that was valid, but you could've told me." Jack said reassuringly grabbing your hand.

"It was fun though! I wouldn't have it any other way Manifold." You smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Me either."

Jack ended up ending his stream and both of you said your goodbyes to the people watching his stream. He closed everything off of his computer and leaned back in his chair immediately relaxing when the camera was turned off.

"Thanks for inviting me Manifold." You said as he got up to put the pillow back in it's place.

"Of course love." He pressed a kiss to your forehead as we walked away for a second.

"Hey! Why did you invite me anyways?" You asked.

He walked back over to where you were standing and pecked your lips and winked at you. "Free content darling."

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arvinsescape · 3 years

Text

Too busy.

A/N: I am so sorry this took a while to get out, but here it is! I hope you all enjoy, it is based off a request that @tomhollandlol sent me and I hope you also enjoy and thanks again for your patience. I did change a couple of things but stuck to the basic concept, I hope you don’t mind 💕

Request: Angst one shot, they have 2 kids together, different scenarios, he never pays attention and does something else and is always too busy.

Warnings: Bit of swearing, mentions of sex.

W/C: 4.2K

This last six months had been the hardest she’d ever had to go through, in her entire six years of marriage to Tom, this had been the hardest. Having two kids on top of that didn’t make it any easier, she felt alone, more alone than she had in her life, she was bringing up two children, seemingly on her own. Their eldest was almost four and their youngest was nine months old and teething, which meant she cried a lot.

Tom had been there for most of their journey, he shared the work load and it made life easier but this last six months haven’t ben the case. He became busier, he had two projects going at once and whilst she would happily make allowances for his career it was becoming too much for her. She hated the assumption that things should be easy because she was a stay-at-home mum but that was far from the truth. The children were so young that they needed her constant and undivided attention.

She was struggling to give two children her undivided attention and recently she’s become run down, completely running of fumes. She lives her life in a constant state of tired, she barely does a thing for herself, hell even a shower seemed like a hard task half of the time and Tom? Well half of the time she wasn’t a hundred per cent sure exactly what it was he was doing. She wondered how he hadn’t noticed, how he hadn’t seen the tiredness she constantly displayed.

Half of the mums at school had noticed, she saw it in their looks of pity when she arrived with her son, looking run down and disheveled because she couldn’t make herself look presentable. She didn’t have the time because either her baby would need something or her four-year-old which left no time for herself in a morning.

“Tom?” She shouted as she bounced Ava on her hip.

“Yeah?” He shouted back from where ever he was in the house.

“Can I get your help please?”

“Y/N, I’m busy.”

“You’re always busy.” She muttered to herself as she gave up and tried to soothe Ava on her own whilst making Noah’s lunch.

“Tom, I’ve just cleaned there.” She spoke, almost in disbelief as she watched her husband place his golf clubs in the middle of the hall.

“I’ll move them in a bit.” He shrugged. “I need to read over some stuff.” He said as he wandered down the hall and into his office. She couldn’t help herself as she flipped him off on his way, thankful he couldn’t see.

“Tom? Is there any chance you can take Noah to school tomorrow? I need to take Ava to an appointment and I don’t wanna be late again.”

“I can’t darling, I’m busy.” He answered, eyes on his laptop.

“Tom, please? I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.” She tried and Tom looked up at her.

“Y/N/N, I am really busy right now. Just take Noah into school earlier and then you won’t be late.” He said and she looked at him in disbelief.

“Right, yeah, okay.” She huffed and left his office, shutting the door with enough force to let him know she was upset with him.

“Daddy! Look what I did.” Noah screamed as he made his way through the door.

“I’ll have a look in a bit my love, I’m busy at the moment.” Tom answered and their son huffed in response.

“Daddy!” Noah shouted as he ran into his father’s open arms. “Can we go for ice-cream?” He asked excitedly.

“Ask mummy, I have some work to do.” Tom said and Noah visibly deflated.

“She already said no, she’s too tired.” Noah mocked his mother’s voice.

“Well I expect she is tired.” Tom said, they never bad mouthed each other in front of the children. It wasn’t something either of them did.

“Why? She doesn’t work.” Noah folded his arms over his chest and Tom looked at him in a scalding manner.

“That’s not nice. Your mummy works really hard to make sure everything and everyone is okay. Don’t talk about her like that.”

“But she doesn’t do anything. She looks after us, my friends mummy works and she’s fine. Everyone at school has said it, she has nothing to be tired about, that’s what my friend’s mummy’s say.” Noah huffed, he had a bit of a temper streak. Tom’s heart plummeted, where people really shit talking his wife? To the point his son had become subject to it.

“That’s enough now Noah.” Tom said as he set his son down.

“Whatever. You’re always too busy and mummy’s always too tired. You’re both boring.” He snapped before running into his bedroom and slamming the door. This made Tom’s heart shatter, they were both trying to do the right thing. Tom really contemplated his life choices and in hind sight he wished he’d done something sooner, especially with the conversation he was about to have that evening.

“Tom, you are never here.” She exclaimed, a small comment having sparked an argument that had her struggling to keep her voice down.

“I’m busy. Look in a couple of months I’ll be here.” He said and she huffed folding her arms over her chest.

“You’re always busy Tom. I can’t remember the last time you put us first.”

“I’m doing this so I can take some more time off, Y/N, I don’t wanna be that guy but I earn the money, I can’t just stop working.” He snapped and she felt her anger rise in response.

“That’s bullshit,” she hissed out and he was taken aback by her tone. “You were in some of the biggest movies going a few years back. We are not struggling for money, that is some bullshit excuse for the fact that you’re not around.” She hissed, voice laced in nothing but venom.

“Look, I have a week off starting tomorrow, I don’t need to be anywhere and I won’t have any responsibilities, I can help.” He offered and she sighed, anger leaving her with nothing but defeat.

“I hope so.” She shrugged and Tom looked at her carefully.

“What do you mean?” He asked, there was something in her tone that scared him.

“I mean,” she sighed. “I can’t keep doing this, I’m tired and I need more from you.” She didn’t sound angry just tired and Tom felt his heart drop.

“Meaning?” He asked tentatively.

“Meaning, I can’t carry on doing this and next time it’s going to be a very different conversation. A conversation about us that I really don’t want to have but it’s come to that.” She sighed out before turning on her heel and leaving Tom with his thoughts. His heart shattered, had he really been so neglectful?

Tom was free for a week, which helped slightly because their son was always itching to spend time with his father. She thought this would mean that she got a little respite after their conversation the previous night but that’s not how it panned out.

“Y/N?” Her husbands voice echoed through the halls and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at his tone. She shouted back her location within the house and few seconds later he appeared. “I need you to look after Noah.” He said, their son hot on his heels, she furrowed her brows.

“Why?” She couldn’t help but asked and Tom gave her a sympathetic look.

“I need to get some of this work done and as much as I love him he’s distracting me.” Tom spoke and she couldn’t help but huff, it was always something.

“I thought you were off this week?” She couldn’t help but ask, tone clipped and she instantly regretted using it in front of Noah.

“I was but then my agent emailed this morning and I now have a load of work to do.” He said, there was a sadness laced in his tone but she didn’t care. She passed him feeling bad about it, she needed him to put them first and recently he hasn’t.

“Fine, whatever.” She grumbled out a response and Tom felt awful, he could see how tired she was, he wouldn’t deny that. But these two projects were taking over and he felt just as tired trying to keep up. To anyone else looking in they would have said the couple needed to sit down and have a chat but of course relationships are more complex than that and the couple were still waiting to have said chat.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” Tom spoke and she sighed.

“It’s whatever Tom. He has some schoolwork he should be doing anyway.” She said, tone defeated and Tom sighed before nodding and making his way back into his office. He wanted to say something but he was afraid to start an argument in front of the children, the two had agreed that their arguments would be kept private, the children didn’t need to know about them.

She spent the afternoon trying to split herself between helping Noah with his math’s work and Ava with her teething. Noah was a bright child when it came to English and Art but Math’s? He was no good at and required a lot of help. She found herself growing frustrated the more she went through the work, she felt guilty but she was so tired she couldn’t help it.

“No, Noah. I’ve shown you this now. Come on, you need to work with me.” She said and instantly regretted the words.

“Mummy, I am trying but I don’t get it.” Noah said back as Ava burst into another flood of tears. She jumped up from her seat, Noah making a noise of annoyance at her actions. She scooped Ava into her arms and rocked her, it was making no difference, the ache in the child’s gum causing ample discomfort.

“Ava come on, shh, it’s okay. Calm down.” She said as she hastily scanned the living room in search of her teething ring. Her eyes landing on the object and she hastily picked it up before handing it to her daughter. She placed the ring in her mouth and instantly her screams calmed to small cries. Once she was settled enough, Y/N placed her back in her high chair and proceeded to help Noah.

She was tired by the end of the evening, her only job being left was to put Noah to bed and he just wouldn’t settle either. He wasn’t great at bed times, he was an alert child who found it hard to switch off for the day.

“Mummy, can we please have another story?” He asked and she felt herself deflate, all she wanted was to have a bath and go to bed.

“But sweetheart, I’ve already read two.” She tried to reason and Noah threw his book onto the floor which made her sigh out as she retrieved it.

“Please mummy? I’m not even tired, can’t I just play with my toys?” He asked, arms folded across his chest and she wasn’t prepared for what was to come next, signs of his temper tantrum approaching and fast.

“No sweetheart, you have school tomorrow.” She sighed out and she watched as her sons face turned into a rather sour expression.

“So? I’m not tired. How can I sleep if I’m not tired? You’re supposed to read to me.” He said and she sighed.

“Baby, mummy’s tired herself okay.” She said, she really didn’t have it in her to stay awake much longer.

“Then get daddy to read to me.” He huffed and she nodded before standing up and making her way into her husbands office, a soft knock pulling him from his work.

“Come in.” Tom’s voice spoke, eyes still trained on his emails.

“Tom? Can you read to Noah please?” She asked, hopefulness lacing her voice, her husbands eyes finding her tired ones. There was something about the way she looked tonight, the way she looked like she was struggling to keep herself stood that reality hit the man hard.

“Of course baby.” Tom said as he stood and he didn’t miss the flash of shock grace his wife’s face. He felt immensely guilty, he hadn’t been there for past six months and he could see what that was doing to her. “Have you eaten?” Tom asked and she shrugged.

“Bits but I’m not hungry.” She said as she rubbed at her red and tired eyes. Tom felt like an utter dick, he’d taken on too much and left his wife to pick up the pieces.

“You should eat.” Tom said and she shrugged.

“I just want to go to bed Tom.” She whispered out and he nodded in response before making his way over to her and kissing her forehead before pulling her into a hug.

“Then go sleep love. I’ve got Noah.” He spoke and she felt relieved, completely and utterly relieved, she didn’t even want the bath anymore, that could wait until tomorrow. She didn’t miss the excitement in her sons voice as Tom made his way into his room and she smiled before practically face planting the bed and falling asleep.

It was eight o clock in the morning when she woke, she felt sluggish as she grabbed for her phone and looked at the time. Heart beat picking up far too quickly for her bodies tired state.

“Shit.” She exclaimed as she rushed out of bed and into Noah’s room, only to find the bed empty. “Noah?” She shouted as she ran down the stairs, her mind was racing, she was running late. How had she slept for so many hours? And how had it gone interrupted?

“In here mummy.” Noah shouted back as she raced into the living room.

“I’m sorry, I’m up, I just need to get changed and then we can set off for school.” She rambled as ran into the kitchen to sort out his breakfast.

“Darling, slow down.” She heard Tom’s voice and she spun around to look at her husband, he had bags under his eyes and his hair was a slight mess. How could he still look so good? She wished she could look as good as he did, even tired.

“What?” She looked around the kitchen, evidence that Noah had already had his breakfast. His school bag filled with the books for the day and his packed lunch.

“I’m gonna take him in. Go and chill out.” He spoke as he pulled her into his chest and kissed the top of her head.

“Thank you.” She sighed and Tom nodded.

“I’ll take Ava and then you can get some rest if you need it, I’ll be back soon. I’ll do the shopping, should be an hour or so.” Tom spoke and her heart soared at his words.

“Did Ava sleep through?” She asked, realizing she’d not been woken up by her crying last night.

“Yeah, a few times. I slept in there, wanted you to catch up on some sleep.” He admitted and she could have cried with the happiness the revelation brought her. “We need to talk when I get home.” He spoke and she nodded. “Okay, well I’ll see you in an hour.” He said and she nodded before kissing her son good bye and making him promise to behave.

An hour and a half later and she’d had a relaxing bath, one that she was more than thankful and ready for. She’d even managed to have a hot cup of tea, a stark difference to the cold ones she was used to. She’d even managed to read a chapter of her new book, she still felt like she could sleep for a while but overall relaxed and content.

“Hey.” Tom said as he leant against the doorway to their bedroom. She placed her book down and looked at him.

“Hey,” she said somewhat awkwardly, she wasn’t sure how this conversation was about to go.

“I’ve just put Ava down, will probably give us a good hour or so.” He spoke and she nodded. “So,” he sighed. “We should talk.” He continued and she nodded again, words not being able to find her, she needed to know how he feeling, what he was going to say first.

“I’m sorry, I want you to know that. I’ve been so wrapped up in what I’ve been doing that I haven’t noticed what I was doing to you. I’m so used to you being the one who has everything together, who know exactly what to do that I thought you didn’t need my help as much as you do.” He started and she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out before he beat her to it.

“I know that’s not an excuse, it’s poor on my behalf and I’m sorry. You and the children, you mean everything to me. All I want in life is for you guys to get everything you want and need and I’m sorry that I’ve been the way that I have, there are no excuses.” He said and she felt her heart lift, the two could fix this, fix what has been happened. “But I need something from you.” He spoke and she furrowed her brows as she waited for him to continue.

“I need you to be honest, I need you to tell me what it’s been like to be you. I don’t want you to spare my feelings, I want you to let it all out. I’m listening now, darling, I need to know what this has done to you, how I can make it right.” He said and she nodded slightly before sitting up in bed properly, her back against the head board as she carefully played with her wedding ring. Tom sat carefully on the edge of the bed, he needed to hear what she was about to say.

“Tom, you’ve just not been here.” She started with her biggest problem. “Even when you are in the house it’s like you just expect me to do everything. You expect your clothes to be washed, dried and ironed, you expect your dinner on the table and I never used to mind. You would always say thank you but recently you haven’t and it made me wonder whether or not you just expect it of me, that it’s my job.” She started and Tom kept quiet, he wanted her to continue.

“Tom, you used to be so attentive.” She said as she reached over and took his hand in her own. “You always used to be here, know when I needed help without having to ask. I don’t mind doing all of those things for you, I really don’t but when you don’t get a thanks it feels a little like you’re being used.” She continued and his heart shattered, he would never intentionally use her, he loved her, loved his family.

“That brings me onto the kids, Tom they need so much attention. They want me to split myself in two half of the time and I can’t, it’s impossible. They both need so much from me and given Ava teething I don’t even get a full night’s sleep. I am constantly trying to run off energy that I just don’t have. It wasn’t so bad when Noah was a baby, we took shifts, you helped. Recently though Tom, it’s been me that gets up and tends to her, me that sacrifices sleep.”

“I know that might sound selfish but when you have a partner, a husband who’s supposed to help with all that it gets tiresome. I found myself getting so angry with you, I wanted to be you, I wanted to bury my head in paperwork and think of nothing else. There were days when I honestly wanted nothing to do with you, I didn’t want to be around you because everything little thing you did angered me.”

“I’ve been so tired, my mind is never where it should be. I’m always doing stupid things because I’m so tired. I never feel like I get anything back from you. I’m too tired to have an evening to myself when they have gone to sleep, I just want to sleep myself. I’m always running around after them, something you barely do anymore, sure you play with them but when was the last time you had to deal with one of Noah’s meltdowns?”

“I get that you have a lot on, I get that two projects keep you busy and if we didn’t have kids it wouldn’t affect me as much but we do and it does. I need you to be there for me Tom, I can’t keep doing this alone, I can’t.” She ended her rant and Tom felt awful, he was so angry with himself, she didn’t even sound angry anymore. She sounded like she’d accepted it and she was just tired with the situation, somehow he wishes she was screaming at him right now.

“I’m sorry princess. There are no words, no excuses for what I’ve done. I’m sorry I made you feel like that, it was never my intention. You mean the world to me, you and the kids. Things are gonna change, I promise.” Tom said, he knew now that actions spoke louder than words, it wasn’t what she wanted him to say it was what she wanted him to do.

“On top of all of that Tom, I can’t remember the last time we did anything as a couple. Most of the time I’m asleep when you get to bed, I can’t remember the last time we touched each other, it’s just draining. It all adds up.”

“I know darling. I promise things are gonna change. Why don’t you pick a film and I’ll be back in a minute?” He said and she nodded as she flicked the TV on and got herself comfortable in bed. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a day in bed. Tom returned almost ten minutes later and she wondered where he had gotten to.

“Where did you end up?” She asked as he made his way into the bedroom, two bottles of water in hand.

“Well, I grabbed these, I made sure Ava was still okay and the baby monitor is working properly and I had to send a couple of emails.” He admitted and her heart dropped, after everything she’d just said? He took in her expression as he placed the water down and jumped into bed with her. “Not like that darling, I’ve passed one of my projects onto Harrison and Harry, they’re gonna finish it up.” He said and she relaxed. “I promised things will change and they will.”

“Daddy!” Noah shouted as he ran to his father, who was there at the school gate to pick him up, Y/N right there next to him. It had been a while since they both picked him up. Ava was a little more settled today which made things a little easier.

“How was school?” Tom asked enthusiastically and then almost cried when he realised how long it had been since he asked that question.

“Amazing!” Noah gushed as he looked at his mother. “Mummy, you look so pretty.” He spoke and she laughed.

“She always looks pretty.” Tom defended her and Noah nodded.

“Yeah, but she looks extra pretty today.” Noah said. It had been a while since she was able to put effort into her appearance and she felt better for doing it. Even if it was only a nicely picked out outfit and tamed hair. “Can we go for ice cream?”

“You my boy have an obsession.” Tom laughed as he poked his son playfully. “But yeah, I think that’ll be a good idea.” Tom said as he looked to his wife who nodded in response. She didn’t miss the looks of jealousy thrown her way when they saw her with Tom.

“So what did you do this afternoon?” Noah asked his parents as he was being strapped into the back of the car.

“We watched a film.” Tom stated, it was an absolute lie, they’d gotten half an hour into the film before Tom had his head between his wife’s legs. It had been a while since they’d done anything like that and when they both realised that fact. When they both realised how long it had truly been since they’d done anything, they spent most of the afternoon catching up with each other’s bodies. In between tending to their baby of course, they both felt energized after their endeavors between the sheets.

“Was it good?”

“Absolutely amazing.” Y/N answered as Tom slipped into the driver’s seat, she took his hand in hers as she held it in her lap.

“Can we watch another film when we get home?” Noah asked excitedly.

“Sure, how about we go and spend the afternoon doing something fun and then we can go out for tea, go home and watch a film?” Tom suggested and Noah fist bumped the air.

“Yes! Does this mean you two aren’t going to be boring now?” Noah asked and Y/N and Tom found themselves laughing.

“Yes, this means we aren’t going to be boring anymore.”

#tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland x y/n #tom holland one shot #tom holland x female reader

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