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quimichi · 3 months

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↳ ❝ [YOU WAKE HIM UP WITH NONSENSE] ¡! ❞ pt.2

warnings: Pet names idk some might cringe at that, bad writing, Ace affectionately calling you bitch, some maybe turn out ooc - i just suck at a few characters-my apologies

summary: You wake him up in the middle of the night talking complete nonsense

characters: Twst boys x F!Reader

word count: 4.246

a/n: THIS IDEA WAS NOT FROM ME, unfortunately i can't find the creator so if you remember tag them! My writing wasn't as good as theirs tho

Riddle

Riddle's slumber is disturbed by the sound of his name. He doesn't answer right away, opening his eyes slowly and blinking a few times before he realizes his surroundings. "My rose?..." he asks, voice tired and hoarse.

He sits up, looking over at you. He sees you, and his expression softens. "Are you not able to sleep?..." "Remeber when i was walking my whale in the mountains, and i met two talking closets offering me a discount on money?" Clearly you make no sense, after all this was planned. You have to stiffle your laugh and giggles but you manage to stay serious nonetheless. Riddle blinks a few times as he tries to process what you're saying, his sleepy brain refusing to comprehend the words.

As his thoughts clear, his eyebrows frown as he attempts to make any sense of you talking about closets. Or discounts on money.

He blinks a third time to clear his vision. The expression on his face is pure gold, priceless. He looks adorable with his mouth agape. Riddle blinks a few more times. His eyes flicker as he attempts to discern your words, but he is too sleepy to put together the pieces.

"You walked a whale?" he finally manages. "Talking closets? Discount? Mountains??" He lets himself drop backwards onto the bed again and left out a sigh. "Mhm! Talking closets in the mountains" you softly laugh as you kiss his cheek and lay down beside him. Riddles cheeks heat up lightly, and he cannot help but blush.

"You can tell me all about it once its the right time..." and before you could even answer, he's out again....

Trey

The sound of your voice stirs him from sleep, and his eyes flutter open. Trey blinks a few times, the softest smile still gracing his features. He blinks again and again, finally fully comprehending the situation. His eyes widen as his lips part.

"Ah...yes?" he whispers, rubbing his eyes to rid himself of lingering sleepiness.

"I forgot to tell you that yesterday I was out with my mixer and we saw a duck on the runway having metal teeth." You can tell that the story has stumped him for a few seconds. He blinks, seemingly trying to process what you just said.

Though he knows the words make sense separately, all together they're a rather peculiar combination. He tilts his head, his brow furrowing.

"That's...a bit strange, no? Was it a normal duck aside from its odd teeth?" "Yeah!" His mouth quirks up. You can see a glimmer of amusement flit across his features as he chuckles. "A duck with metal teeth it was then, cool i guess." he says as he tries to form a picture of it in his mind. The concept of an otherwise-normal duck sporting metal teeth would definitely be a curious sight.

He lets out a soft snicker, clearly entertained by the absurd image. "Now," he yawns, "c'mere and sleep with me now, kay?" he mumbles tiredly and pulls you closer by your hips, pressing you against his body.

Cater

Cater's eyes open slowly, as if he was only half asleep. When he sees you, his eyes widen a bit and he tries to focus. His expression is soft and a bit hazy, but he seems to recognize you immediately. When he sees you, you notice a wave of tender affection flood his body as you hear him take in a deep breath before he lets out a quiet sigh. "Whatisitbaby..." he slurrs his words together.

"I baked a broom for you and decorated it with car keys for your happy easter celebration on Christmas!" Cater blinks a few times, before he slowly lifts his head and blinks slowly. He seems a bit confused about your statement, how can someone not. He is too drowsy to respond just yet, so he merely smiles goofly at you gently and lets out a small yawn. His eyelids slowly start to close again, but he seems very content to just sit here with you.

Cater seems to be drifting off sitting, so you decide to let him return to sleep. His breathing grows heavier the moment his back hits the bed again, but you can still see his chest rise and fall softly as his body adjusts to a deeper slumber.

His face rests against your chest, but before he can fully fall back asleep again he slurrs a few words for you. "Youcantellmeallaboutitinthemornin'kaykaybaby?"

"Kay Kay, baby" you softly laugh and kiss his forehead.

Ace

Ace’s breathing pauses for a moment as he remains partially asleep. His eyelids flutter and his eyes remain closed, but he responds nonetheless. "Fuck off Juice...lemme sleep..."

"....bro youre in my room no blueberry juice here-" you deadpan. Ace raises his head, mouth open with a bit of droll running out. He blinks slowly, left eye earlier than the right, and looks drowsy at you. "Right....what's the matter babe?" He drops his head face down in the pillow again after he used all his energy to answer you. "So, yesterday when i wanted to visit the moon i accident took the wrong worm and we ended in the bushes where shoes grow." Ace laughs softly into the pillow and shakes his head at the absurdity of it all. “Ah, yes…I remember. Cool story babe.......now lemme sleep"

Before you can even react Ace wraps his arms cautiously around you and pulls beside him as he lays on his stomach. "You're one crazy bitch...fuck, i love you." He mumbles into the pillow again, before turning to face you and pull you closer into his chest. Ace lovingly kissed your forhead before stroking your hair and slowly falling asleep again.

Deuce

A quiet moan escapes Deuce’s lips, and he begins to stir. He opens his eyes and sits up— you can see that he is still half-asleep, blinking slowly and lazily at the ceiling. “Wha-...ar...are you hurt or somethin'?” he says in a gentle, hoarse whisper.

Your gentle touch on his shoulder has woken him from his rest, and yet he doesn't seem annoyed by it; quite the opposite, in fact.

"No, no I'm not hurt. But i just saw a flying console screaming for pudding outside our shower." "Pudding?" Deuce repeats the word curiously, blinking as he wipes his nose and sniffs tiredly. Your tone seems to suggest that he should find the word familiar, but the foest year seems genuinely clueless as to what you're talking about. He gives you a baffled expression, but you can tell that he's still not quite himself.

If there are any flying consoles out there, they aren't his concern. "Pudding... flying consoles..." he mumbles. "Baby, you want some pudding...?" He ask tiredly, looking over at clock on the wall, luckly the moonlight lets him see the time. "At..." he squint his eyes, "8 am?"...3 am but you don't want to burst his bubble just yet.

"I can wait till 8 am, no biggie" you say, smiling at how concerned but also confused he is. Although hes tired he still tries to be a good boyfriend for you. "M'kay...g'night..."...out like a light.

Leona

"Hmm" Leona groans. His hands trail up and down beside him lookung for your body to pull you closer against his body. But he didn't found you, instead you were sitting up. "Herbivore,...c'mere already."

He's still slightly groggy from sleep. Its common knowledge, waking Leona Kingscholar up is an unofficial crime. And now you even left his arms, the audacity. Good thing hes way to tired at 2am.

"I was looking for my teapot but instead found a dancing glass of ice tea waiting at the traffic light to turn into a tulip." "Ah... what?" Leona murmurs, slowly shifting upward. His gaze is still half-lidded by sleep; his eyes have yet to come back into focus.

He blinks at you a couple of times, before finally rubbing his eyes and frowning. Leona looks somewhat annoyed. "What nonsense are you saying?" He blinks some more, his voice still rough with sleepiness. "I...I love you come back and sleep." And since you didn't immediately react to him he growls back a, "Now."

Ruggie

Ruggie stirs at your voice, ears laying flat and lazy against his head. He opens his eyes slowly and looks at you with half lidded, sleepy eyes. "Mmm...is it morning already?" he asks quietly. "No." You smile gently at him and kiss his cheek. He smiles dopey and falls back against the pillows. "But...when I tried to read the picture about the story of the bear who went jogging in the clouds, i got confused."

Ruggie is just as confused. But smiles slightly as he props himself up in bed. He rubs his eyes, his expression one of amusement layered with tiredness.

"Ya know..., you really need to stop askin' me to help you with your homework,” he mumbles. "Huh?" "...Huh?" "....oh-" "yeah?..." Ruggie didn't know what he said, neither did he knows what he actually understood. And neither did you. You both just blink at each other looking confused, before he drops down into the pillows again and holds his arms out for you. "Come back and cuddle...ya silly little minx"

Jack

His ears twitch at the sound of your voice, and his eyes dart open in a sharp flutter. Blinking away the lingering sleep from his eyes, the world comes into focus.

When he realizes that its only you in front of him, he relaxes. "Are you not feeling well?" He's definitely not wide awake but isn't half asleep either. He quickly sits up too and puts his hand on your cheek, caressing your skin with his thumb as he looks at you worried. That would make you melt under normal circumstances, but you had other plans this night. "I was attacked by a wild blueberry and it wanted to read my eyelashes off my nails."

Jack blinks. His thumb stops moving as he is processing your words slowly. "... You're... you're..." He trails off at the nonsensicality of the sentence. The words don't register, and he looks at you with confusion. His brow furrows.

"What?"

You can't help but giggle. "Alright...time for you to get some sleep, hm?" Jack sounds exhausting, from being sleepy and from you. He stroke your cheek lovingly one last time, before you cave in and lay back into bed. "Good girl...", sudden tiredness came over Jack and he lays back beside you, pulling you against his chest.

Azul

The voice breaks him from his slumber. He flinches in surprise, waking from a deep sleep. His lavender eyes shoot open. They look at you with a certain amount of fright — until they register your face, in the darkness of your bedroom.

"Pearl?" His voice is a whisper— husky with sleep, but soft all the same. "If a snail flys into a tree, does it turn pink or will it eat chips?" You immediately hit him with your nonsense, no mercy. Azul stares at you in utter confusion. His face is one of uncertainty, and a touch of amusement as he tries to make sense of your question.

He settles on a response, but is not entirely confident in its truth. "I do not know, Pearl." He murmurs. "But what i know is that you should be asleep." You know he's right, but you also just wanted to have some fun. Azul gently pulls you back against his chest. He smiles at you warmly as he wraps your body in his arms.

He presses his lips to the top of your head. His hands come up to your hair, fingers threading through yours and gently stroking you, brushing them down your back to soothe your weary bones. "We can...discuss this tomorrow..." You just nod, snuggling up to him. Teasing him didn't work, but at least you got his affection.

Jade

Jade always sleeps lightly, so the tiny call of his name immediately wakes him. "Hmmm…" his voice is barely above a whisper as he wakes. He reaches out for you, his movements gentle, his eyes searching in the darkness for your body. "Mm...Guppy?"

"Do teeth grown on walls when they are covered in amnesia?"

The question catches Jade by surprise, his brow furrowed as he contemplates your words. He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again, his brow now a full-on frown as he tries to formulate an answer.

"No?" he says slowly, voice sounding like a question rather than an assertion. He furrows his brow even further, brows meeting in the middle of his forehead. "...You know...there are situations where i feel like Floyd rubbed off on you..." he says. "Ey-!" Jade lets out a tired chuckle before pulling you back against his chest again. "My little guppy...so dumb sometimes, hm?"

Floyd

His pale eyes snap open as soon as he recognizes your voice. "Shrimpyyy," he whines quietly, his voice quivering in his surprise from being pulled from his slumber. "Why'd wake meee?" he mumbles and pulls you closer and tighter against his body, at this point youre used to it. "Do ghosts twerk when you play them ladders and earth?"

As odd a question as it was (Floyd is too), he doesn't even flinch. Instead, he takes a moment to process it before nodding, his lips curling into a smile as he answers, "Of course! Everyone knows ghosts like to twerk." Floyd just starts to giggle in delight, wiggling you around happily, "Aww shrimpy i love you! You're so silly!" He gave you one last kiss on your head before his smile drops, "But we gotta sleep now, so you better behave and don't wake me up again." Though he is still a little unsteady from being woken up so suddenly, his strength still remains in his embrace. From the way he holds you, you can feel how much he loves you. He wants you close. He wants to keep you with him. Forever even.

Kalim

His brows furrow as his eyes continue to stay shut. But your voice was enough to rouse him.

"Hmm?" his lips part, but his voice is still hoarse with sleep, and he doesn't open his eyes yet. Before he can open them or even get remotely more awake, you attack him immediately. "How do i know if a bunny catches a goldfish in a storm of wandering suns?" His brows furrow even further as his head shifts toward your direction. That question did nothing to make any kind of sense to him.

"H-Huh?" he asks warily, his eyes slowly opening just as his brows are un-furrowing. "I- Um." He looks around, his thoughts scattered.

"Lemme ask Jamil real quick...Ja-!" "No-!" Befode he can wake up the poor exhausted second year who just got into bed, you shut Kalim with your hand against his mouth. "Shhh-" He keeps mumbling against your hand, before he choses to gently kiss the inside of your hand. "Tschul...pwease led me go" "Huh?" You raise your hand, "I said, Jewel, please let me go-!" Kalims arms wrap around you in an instant. He buries his face into your shoulder, seeking the warmth of your arms. All of the tension in his body seems to ease at once, replaced by the comfort that he feels when he is in your presence.

He nuzzles his head into your shoulder, the touch being all that he needs for him to be at peace. "Ahhh, I'm wide awake now..."

Jamil

His head tilts a little as the sound of your voice reaches his ears. His head turns in your direction. His breathing is shallow and steady, his eyes closed.

"Mm? What now?..." "Do dogs cry rainbows when they breath daisies on a sunday bell?" There's a moment of silence as your question registers in Jamils mind. The wheels are turning, and you can tell he's processing it.

Finally, he answers, "No, my love. Dogs cannot cry rainbows when they breathe daisies on a Sunday bell....now good night." "Oh-" you were taken aback by how fast and serious he answers. Probably used to it from Kalim. It takes him a moment to realize he should explain his answer. "Dogs are not... capable of...crying rainbows and certainly not when they breathe daisies on a Sunday bell. The latter is...quite nonsensical, actually." A hint of a smile tugs at his mouth, but the expression does not fully reach his lips, "As expected from you "

He waits, allowing a moment to pass to see if you have a response. "Good night Jamil...." "Good night."

Vil

(Bro would honestly kill you but---lets forget about that now-)

His eyes flutter open as he removes his sleeping mask.They blink slowly, fighting off the haze of sleep. And then, they fix on you.

"Yes?" He whispers. Vil is scared you might be in pain, or a different problem flared up. But instead you hit him with this nonsense.

"If a goose loves an ogre, do they drink pebbles in the moonlight?" His mind reels from this seemingly nonsensical question. His body is tense as a whip, his heart pounding in his chest. This feels like a trap, but his mind scrambles to find a response.

He opens his mouth, then stops. He tilts his head, then opens his mouth once more, stopping. He blinks, staring at you.

Then, his lips curl to a smile. "Yes they do," he affirms with complete certainty. "They drink pebbles in the moonlight. And you know what else they do?" "No?" God bless your innocence in this moment, "They never wake up one another when they have their beauty sleep and don't ask them stupid questions." "Oh-..."

Rook

The sound of your voice, however small and soft, stirs Rook from his "slumber". Rook is never truly asleep, a good hunter never rests. He cracks open his eyes, and his lips form a smile and part to form a word.

"Yes?" he excitingly says, though the word, meant hushed and quite, was more loud than expected. "Yesterday I saw a sheep kissing a well and singing it a waterfall because it couldn’t catch a pizza." Without missing a beat he answers, "What a marvelous story mon ange! Did you come up with it yourself?" You nod proudly, not using one braincell to come up with words in the first place is and accomplishment! "Oh, mon ange, would you tell me more about this loving relationship between this talented sheep and its well-lover?"

Rook responds by wrapping his arms tightly around you. He presses his body close to yours, his fingers kneading at you. His touch is gentle but firm. Time seems to slow down as you two press even closer against one another, and you come up with more nonsense to entertain him. The world fades away to oblivion as thoughts of every day concerns slip away and you two embrace the warm bliss of that moment.

Rook doesn't say anything. He only smiles with pure adoration at you and listens to every single word. He just holds you, his every atom focused on being near you. Like always.

Epel

"Epel, Epel, Epel, Epel, Ep-" said guy blinks a few times in an effort to fully awaken as he hears you call his name multiple times. He squints his eyes as he adjusts to the full moon lighting of his bedroom.

He blinks again, rubbing the weariness out of his eyes. "Yeah?" he mumbles softly, his voice still sluggish with sleep. "I just saw an owl wearing a hoddie and stealing a womans wig while the sky was skittles." Epel blinks a few times, trying to process the words you just conveyed. He opens his eyes wider and shakes his head.

"Sounds like you had one wild dream," he whispers as gently as possible, "But at least it wasn't a nightmare so...ya should probably go back to sleep now." Epel's voice is a murmur as he slowly leans down to kiss the top of your head. His cheek brushes against your hair as he nuzzles into the softness, and he takes a deep breath.

His gaze lingers on your face, studying your features as he pulls back slowly. "I'll watch over you so you won't have any strange dreams..."

Idia

The sound of your voice cracks through his mind, jolting him to attention. Idia jolts up from sleep, startled. The sight of you makes his heart skip a beat.

He blinks his eyes open, staring back at you for a moment as he reorients himself. His breathing is quick and shallow, but he steadies himself. "Is-Is something wrong?!" He sounds genuinely scared and worried for you, you almost feel bad about what you're gonna do. "Horses eat frames so they can fly faster to the basement of the Texas curtains."

"Cool" Idia says softly, and his eyes squint. He tilts his head, clearly not tracking your train of thought. His body is tense, his mind dense, on edge as he attempts to make sense of what you just said. "Babe...explain," Idia says, his voice a near whisper. He narrows his eyes, concentrating on your words.

His lips purse for a moment, and he shakes his head slightly. "Can't make sense...might call Ortho..."

Malleus

His chest freezes with a sharp inhale, and he opens his eyes. His heart pounds in his throat, a nervous flutter. "Yes!? Love? I'm here," he says, his voice hoarse from a few hours of undisturbed slumber.

He blinks a few times, rubbing his eyes as he looks up to you, sitting in bed. He wants to speak, but the words can't leave because you beat him to it.

"2 birds were fighting over a brush because it tastes like fries on a Tuesday afternoon." His eyes narrow as he tries to process what you just said. "Tastes...like... fries? on a... Tuesday?"

Confusion clouds his expression, and he cocks his head slightly to the side. Your lack of response only cements his uncertainty. Was that a question? A question you expect him to answer, or was it a joke?

His frown deepens and he clears his throat, "The old man once told me abouta thing called Hoocus Poocus (my stupid idea of google)" he says slowly, raising from bed and groaning like and old man with back problems before he walks over to his phone on his desk. "Maybe this can help...my love?...Do you recall how I alive this device?"

Lilia

The snore halts, the sudden outburst of sound startling him out of his sleep. He wakes up like a mother, with a loud gasp. His eyes shoot open as he bolts upright, and he stares straight at you with an anxious expression on his face. "Has the time finally come?" "W-What time?" "Where i may or may not have left a cake in the oven and it caught fire." He says it with such ease...like he did leave a cake in the oven to burn down the entire dorm.

"No-!....I just wanted to know if you can cactus me a cucumber." He stares at you blankly. Your request takes a few seconds before registering in his mind. A brief flicker of concern crosses his face, but it is fleeting as he realizes you are being facetious. Oh, how much he loves your stupid ass.

He lets out a small laugh. "I'll cactus you a cucumber tomorrow, dearest."

Silver

He is so used on your voice that even in his slumber, your words reach his core. When you call out to him, his breathing grows shallow and his eyelids begin to flutter a bit. His lips twitch again, and he turns his head slightly.

"Ahh...whatisit..." "I slept on a dentist with a horn and he fixed my hair with his light switch." Silver's eyes snap open at your words. You've caught him off-guard yet again. He stares at you for a long moment before he finally speaks.

"You slept...on a dentist..?" He's still half-asleep, his voice quiet and hoarse. "Princess, did you cheat on me?" A quiet, breathy laugh escapes his lips for a split second. Your words are nonsense, and he knows it.

He swallows down another laugh, biting his tongue in an attempt to stifle it as he sees your horrified face. "Shut up..." you mumble, why does no teasing ever work with him?

Sebek

"I'M AWAKE AND READY-!," Sebek is startled awake, sitting up quickly. His eyes open with an instant, and he glances around, his gaze settling on you. "HUMAN? YOU AWOKE ME BECAUSE SAVANACLAW FINALLY ATTACKED DIASOMNIA TO KIDNAPP LORD MALLEUS, RIGHT?!"

"......no but, a egg just gave birth to a basball and now his golf wife is mad."

Sebek blinks for a moment, his brain trying to comprehend your bizarre statement. His face twists, you can't tell if its anger or regret. Regret for ever letting himself catch feelings for you. You never heard him being so silent, cause even in his sleep hes loud...he snores.

"...Human?" "Yes?" "I will escort you back to ramshackle so you can spend the rest of the night in your dorm."

"Nooo-!" "Yes-ah-ey-let go of me-!" He gasps at the sudden embrace, and he stiffens as a flood of emotions rush through his heart. His arms hang loosely at his sides as he is swept into your warm embrace. There is no resisting it. No matter how much he trys, he will always love you no matter what.

He feels like he's going to melt.

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rottenpumpkin13 · 30 days

Note

Can we have a company party night that Rufus was out in charge of? He organized everything properly and now the actual event has come. All the Turks and SOLDIERs are present along with directors and a bunch of popular celebrities. What happens?

The Company Party From Hell #2

• Rufus has been tasked with hosting Shinra's annual charity ball. The event area at the HQ has been transformed into an opulent party, with all of Midgar’s elite invited to drink and dance as they please. It's the event of the year and everyone wants to be in attendance.

• Almost everyone.

*Angeal and Genesis drag Sephiroth into the ballroom, each of them holding one arm*

Sephiroth: I'm going to scream for help and embarrass you both.

Angeal: I once had to drag Genesis kicking and screaming from the book store after they sold out the last Loveless graphic novel. Nothing fazes me anymore.

Genesis: Please, as if I kick and scream when—SON OF A BITCH! SHE SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU WHEN SHE HAD THE CHANCE!

*Sephiroth stops struggling, he and Angeal look at Genesis like he's insane*

Angeal: What the hell was that?

*Genesis pulls his hair back to reveal wireless earbuds on both ears*

Genesis: I'm listening to a soap opera finale. I cannot miss it, so this is my brilliant solution.

Sephiroth: Don't you think people will notice when you start having meltdowns?

Genesis: What? I'm being so quiet. No one will notice a thing—AH HA! I KNEW YOU SLEPT WITH HIS MOTHER!

*Everyone turns around and looks at Sephiroth and Angeal*

Sephiroth: This is going to be a long night.

*Zack comes bouncing up to them, happily drinking a flute of champagne*

Zack: Hey guys! What's going on?

Sephiroth: I slept with Angeal's mother, apparently.

Zack: Cool!

Angeal:

• The four of them split up, Sephiroth and Angeal refusing to be anywhere near Genesis. They find a table and watch the party go by, talking to celebrities and other execs when the need arises. All is well, but Angeal keeps checking his phone and Sephiroth is getting suspicious.

Sephiroth: Are you waiting for a call?

Angeal: Actually, a text.

Sephiroth: From who?

Angeal: You might judge me, but I accepted an anonymous request to punch Rufus in the face. I'm waiting for the text from the anon so I can put the plan into action.

Sephiroth: I can't believe you would agree to something like that.

Angeal: They're paying me 10,000 gil.

Sephiroth: I can't believe you didn't ask for my help and agree to pay me 5,000 gil.

Angeal:

Sephiroth: What's the plan? You simply go up and punch him in the face?

Angeal: Uhh…I'll let you know when I get the text. Just don't tell Genesis.

Sephiroth: Bold of you to assume I would go anywhere near Genesis.

*They turn around to look at Genesis, who's seated at the next table with Tseng and Lazard*

Genesis: WHY WON'T YOU ACCEPT HIM AS HE IS?

Tseng: Genesis, is something the matter?

Genesis: HE LOVES YOU, YOU IDIOT!

*Lazard turns to Tseng*

Lazard: What is he talking about?

Genesis: HE LOVES YOU. YOU'RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?

Lazard: Tseng, I had no idea you harbored such feelings for me.

Tseng: What!? Genesis, what—

Genesis: Ah, I see how it is. *Genesis stands up* You are in love with his brother. You're having an affair.

*Lazard turns to Tseng, alarmed*

Lazard: The Vice President???

Tseng: I don't know what he's talking about.

Genesis: Two sick individuals you are, fooling around behind his back.

*Genesis promptly leaves when Zack comes back with their drinks. Lazard turns to Tseng*

Lazard: How dare you have feelings for me while you fool around with the Vice President.

Tseng:

*Back at Sephiroth and Angeal's table, they continue to watch*

Sephiroth: Should we do something?

Angeal: We should've locked Genesis in a broom closet thirty minutes ago.

• Meanwhile, Zack and Genesis are walking around the party when Cissnei comes up to them in a hurry.

Cissnei: I need one of you to do me a huge favor.

Zack: Sure, what's up?

Cissnei: The target I've been tracking for weeks is here at the party, but I need to go undercover as a man to get near him. Can one of you switch outfits with me?

Zack: But you're wearing a dress!

Genesis: I would do it, but unfortunately I'm too busy listening to—I KNEW IT! I KNEW SHE WAS PREGNANT!

*People turn around to stare at Cissnei*

Cissnei: What's with him??

Zack: Don't judge him. Let him enjoy his soap opera.

Cissnei: I don't have a lot of time! Zack, can you please switch with me?

Zack: Ahh! Fine, but you owe me!

Cissnei: I know, I know. Come on, I'll help you into this dress

*Cissnei grabs his hand*

Genesis: HE GOT HER PREGNANT?

*People around them gasp and stare at Cissnei and Zack*

Zack:

Genesis: Apologies, dear, maybe I can help by doing your makeup so you blend in with the feminine crowd.

Zack: You think that'll work?

Genesis: Of course. I've also got a wig in my emergency makeup kit, so we're all set—SHE LIED. SHE'S NOT PREGNANT. SHE'S SCAMMING HIM FOR MONEY THAT WENCH!

*People gasp and stare at Cissnei*

Zack: Dude, I can't believe you'd like to me about your pregnancy.

Cissnei:

• Meanwhile, Sephiroth and Angeal have just separated Lazard and Tseng from a fight that escalated into a physical altercation.

*Genesis walks up to them with a very pretty girl in a glittery blue dress and long black hair*

Genesis: How's your night going? I just helped Zack—*gasp* HE GOT MARRIED TO HIS MOTHER!

*The bartenders and other people at the bar turn to look at Sephiroth and Angeal*

Sephiroth: Genesis, are you going to introduce us to your friend?

Zack: It's me! I look hot, right?

Angeal: WHY ARE YOU IN A DRESS?

Zack: I had to switch outfits with Cissnei so she could infiltrate a group of men in disguise.

Sephiroth: You're a good friend.

Zack: Thanks!

Angeal: Why couldn't Genesis wear the dress?

Genesis: AND NOW THEY'RE HAVING A FOURSOME.

*The people at the bar gasp and look at the four of them*

Angeal: Never mind.

Zack: Hey man, what show are you watching? It sounds intense.

Genesis: SHUT UP. SHUT UP. I KNEW SHE WAS A BITCH.

*At that moment, Rufus Shinra himself passes by and overhears this conversation*

Rufus: Rhapsodos, why are you screaming at our lovely guest?

Genesis, ignoring him: BECAUSE SHE FAKED A PREGNANCY TO SCAM HIM FOR MONEY, HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HIS BROTHER, AND IS NOW HAVING A FOURSOME.

Rufus: Oh my god. Is this true?

*Rufus turns to Sephiroth*

Rufus: Did this woman fake a pregnancy to scam you for money?

Sephiroth, nodding: And had an affair with Angeal, yes.

Angeal: WHAT?

Zack: Hang on, I didn't do any of this! I'm Zack, I'm just wearing Cissnei’s clothes.

Rufus: It's alright, miss, I'm not judging you.

Zack: No, I really am Zack.

*Tseng walks by*

Zack: Look! Tseng can vouch for me.

Tseng: Excuse me?

Zack: Tseng, tell Rufus I'm really Zack in disguise.

Tseng: I'm sorry, I don't know you. You do look familiar though.

Genesis: I can't believe this. I finally understood the full story. He was in love with him, but started having an affair with his brother behind his back. And now he got a woman pregnant.

*Lazard is walking by and overhears this*

Lazard: I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. TSENG, HOW DARE YOU CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS TO ME WHILE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE VICE PRESIDENT?

*The music stops, the whole party gasps and are now watching this go down*

Tseng: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Rufus: This isn't what it looks like.

*Lazard gestures to Zack*

Lazard: AND NOW YOU'VE GOTTEN THIS WOMAN PREGNANT.

Zack: I'M NOT PREGNANT. I'M NOT EVEN A GIRL. LOOK!

*Zack rips off his wig*

*Everyone gasps*

Sephiroth: I think there's been a misunderstanding. No one's pregnant, no one's having an affair with anyone, and no one is involved with anyone's mother in any way.

Angeal: Yes, if everyone will please calm down, we can sort this out without fighting.

*Angeal gets a text notification on his phone*

Angeal: 10,000 gil here I come.

*Angeal punches Rufus in the face, the crowd gasps*

Zack: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

*Rufus is bleeding*

*Genesis is still listening to his soap opera*

Genesis: HE JUST CALLED HIM AN ILLEGITIMATE BASTARD.

Lazard: THAT'S IT!

• Lazard flies at Rufus and the two start brawling on the ground. Tseng and Lazard rush to pull them apart, but this ends up creating an even bigger fight when both Turks and SOLDIERs start attacking each other. The party quickly descends into chaos.

• Angeal pulls Sephiroth and Genesis out of there.

Angeal: Happy, Genesis? Look what you did!

Genesis: Me? You're the one who punched Rufus in the face!

Angeal: Yeah, but I got paid to do it!

Sephiroth: Speaking of which.

*Sephiroth pulls out a wad of gil from his pocket—10,000 gil*

Sephiroth: Angeal, here's the money you were promised.

Angeal:

Genesis:

Sephiroth: Yes, I believe this is what is called a plot twist.

#storytime #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ffvii crisis core #genesis rhapsodos #ff7 crisis core #angeal hewley #tseng ff7 #rufus shinra #zack fair

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archie-sunshine · 3 months

Note

PLEASE DONT KEEP IT TO YOURSELF i need to hear all the deeanged cywhirlgate. I bet that little guy ruins them both

EVERYONE STRAP IN IVE NEVER BEEN MORE ON MY BULLSHIT THAN RN

Ahem. So to start this explanation of my hcs for cywhirlgate, you first must understand the basics.

FIRST OF ALL!! Every single person in this relationship is painfully, deeply, aggressively touchstarved and repressed. They have all been enjoying various aBSURDLY LENGTHY dry spells, though tailgate's sticks out as the longest(re: 6 MILLION YEARS IN A COMA STUCK IN A HOLE) and two of the three are fuckin... tsunderes about their emotions I guess. I obviously believe that being in a relationship with tailgate would kinda shake them out of that issue, but it'd probably take a while.

I feel like as well, though cyclonus and whirl obviously love each other, I think they'd both be the type to wrestle or fight each other as foreplay. I think they decide who tops between the two of them that way, while Tailgate just chills. I think that cyclonus and whirl are both switches(and so is tailgate as well) but they both demand that between each other they are ONLY tops and MUST be fought into submission(its their enrichment)

ADDITIONALLY!! You are right!! I hc Tailgate as the MAIN top of the relationship, partially because tailgate is widdle and neither whirl nor cyclonus want to injure his minibussy, but mainly because Tailgate is packin heat and he fucks like a monster.

(CROPPED BC I GOT FUCKING BLASTED AGAIN)

I also think that Cyclonus would absolutely get picked on by both of his partners bc he's got the only mouth in the relationship-

(THERE *WAS* A PIC HERE OF ANOTHER CYWHIRLGATE THREESOME BUT THIS SITE IS FOR BITCHES, GO SEE IT(and the other cropped piece) ON MY TWITTER IG)

I also think just generally they'd all be the type to snuggle after sex, but tailgate would have to be the one to initiate bc whirl and cyclonus are playing tough guy chicken to see who breaks and admits they wanna cuddle and be soft first.

SIDE NOTE- WHIRL HC! I think whirl has a drooling problem. I made this very clear in my chapter of survey says that features him- and also in my drawings I did for this post- but I think when whirl gets really happy or horny or overwhelmed he would start drooling bc his intake is in a weird spot and it can't hold excess oral solvent inside so good-

basically this.

ANYWAYSSS those are the basics, I think they're pretty vanilla as far as like actual legit BDSM stuff goes, but I do think they're the types to frag in the woods or a broom closet or something? I imagine on the rare occasions that tailgate bottoms there's some fun with large insertion and stuffffff..... I also think cyclonus bites when he gets the chance, and whirl would also bite if he had a mouth. OH I also believe whirl chases his partners around like i hc drift does, but its all fun no shame for him, he knows they love to play with him.

THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH ME ON CYWHIRLGATE! CYWHIRLGATE FOREVER! CYWHIRLGATE FOR ALWAYS!

#archie answers #my art #my requests #mtmte #valveplug #transformers #/nsfw #long post #/nsft #cyclonus #whirl #tailgate #cywhirlgate #lemon #my hcs

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georgeweasleyslostearhq · 9 months

Text

FRED AND GEORGE - HC

-THEM IN BED-

FRED

he's rough most of the time and soft when he wants to be

he's def a dom but LOVES seeing you on top

I feel like he would be into bondage, he loves to tie you up and just tease you for hours before actually doing anything

he doesn't mind doing it in public places, the idea of getting caught turns him on, unless it's one of his family members😬

^whether that's a broom closet, the quidditch changing rooms or an empty classroom. you done it on the common room couch once, very late at night because why not

he's call you things like:

Slut, my little whore, doll, bitch, love

he'd praise you when your orgasm, other than that you'd probably get downgraded, he doesn't mean it and he makes sure you know that after

his favourite position is probably cowgirl or just doing it standing up

he's into hair pulling, him or you, he loves.

his foreplay goes on forever

he doesn't mind eating you out, but he prefers other things.

that being said, he LIVES for you giving him head.

he's not that vocal in bed, i feel like you'd hear the occasional grunt or groan but other than that it's him just saying dirty things in your ear

he's amazing at what he does and never fails to please you in any way.

his aftercare is average, he'd get you in the shower to clean up and you would end up shagging in there

would sleep before you.

10/10

GEORGE

he's soft in the bedroom, he only ever goes rough when he's really angry or you ask

he prefers being the top but he loves it when you decide to top him

he's open to whatever you want to try but one thing he makes very clear is no ana/. he finds it disgusting and never wants to try it

he likes to do it in the safety of your beds, but you occasionally do it in an empty classroom when neither of you can wait. and you do like the thrill

he'd call you things like:

Love, sweetheart, baby, princess and when he's mad, slut

he praises you for everything, he makes sure you know you're making him feel good and he loves knowing he's making you feel good.

he whispers loving things into your ear, encouraging you in every little thing you do.

checks up on you quite a bit and would stop immediately if you said so

he's very passionate and it would be classified as making love, not shagging.

his favourite position is missionary, plain and simple, but it's all you two need really, close second is cowgirl, because he knows you enjoy it.

like Fred, he's in to hair pulling. simple as that.

his foreplay goes for as long as you need or want, he's just here to make you feel good✋

he loved eating you out, especially if you're in the mood and he's a bit tired, he'll just rest his head on your thigh and just pease you the way you ask. and he doesn't mind you giving him head, he likes looking down at you, smiling at the amount of him you can't fit in your mouth

he's pretty vocal, he definitely whimpers and moans when you do exactly what he likes, I wouldn't say he's overly vocal, but he's enough.

he is fucming amazing in bed, he would leave you wanting a LOT more. he's just so good and his monster penetrator would leave your legs shaking

his aftercare is elite, he bathes you and then cuddles you, pampering you with kisses all over while he rubs your body, massaging you.

would wait for you to fall asleep

11/10

-----------------------------------------------

#hc #fred and george #fred weasley headcanons #george weasley headcanons #george weasley x fem #fred weasley x fem!reader #imagines #spicy stuff #x fem!reader #oliver phelps #james phelps #hp universe

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hogwartsthenextgeneration · 3 months

Text

Sometimes I forget that these kids would literally be famous. Like tabloid stories written about them every week and being stalked by the paparazzi famous.

I now imagine them all gathering round the lake every week to read about the new and exciting things they’re up to.

Rose: “Oh wow Dom you have been seen getting steamy with 4 whole boys this week”

Dom: “Oh my god I’m such a little slut please don’t tell my girlfriend!”

James: “Well Vic has threatened the life of several students who called her a bitch”

Vic: “It was one student and they didn’t just call me a bitch. Anyway you have been caught getting drunk in Hogsmede again”

James: “oh my god I was barely tipsy!!”

Roxanne: “this one’s hilarious, Albus Potter has been seen sneaking into broom closets with a certain blonde slytherin on numerous occasions”

Hugo: “HAHA that’s ridiculous”

Fred: “Albus and Scorpius imagine oh my god”

Molly: “they’re obsessed with a potter and a malfoy dating they just won’t accept it’ll never happen”

Albus: “haha yeah that’s insane literally crazy who would ever even think that…”

Everyone: “wait…”

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echo-goes-mmm · 4 months

Text

Ambrose and Elliot #24

Masterpost

Warnings: threats of non-con, threats of recapture

Elliot’s breath hitched and his heart stuttered. Fear buzzed under his skin like a swarm of bees.

He waited in the kitchen until he was absolutely certain Mr. Horneswood was upstairs and asleep.

He crept up the stairs and slipped into his room. He closed the door and locked it.

There was no way he was going to sleep in his bed. Too much of an invitation. He could hide in the closet, but then he wouldn’t be able to see him coming.

Sleeping at all was too much of a risk.

Elliot sat on the floor, back to the bed. He stared at the doorknob, waiting for it to rattle, waiting for Mr. Horneswood to burst through and take what had always been on offer before.

Two nights. One day.

He could stay awake. He must stay awake.

___________________

The bedroom was dangerous. It wasn’t clear to him before, but as he sat and waited, his eyes darted around in the shadows.

His beloved items and furniture provided hiding places, but they made it easier for him to be cornered.

He could be bent over his nightstand, pinned against the wardrobe, even the chest could be emptied and he could be shoved in and locked inside.

Elliot couldn’t stay in here, but it was the only place with a lock-

Oh.

Maybe Master Ambrose would let him upstairs? Mr. Horneswood wouldn’t dare hunt him down if he stayed up there.

But Ambrose would ask about it. What if he didn’t believe him?

Dawn approached as he thought in circles. By the time the light shined through the window, his bedroom had become as suffocating as a coffin.

He got up, and his vision went dark and blurry for a moment before clearing.

He unlocked the door, and slipped downstairs. There were chores to be done, no matter what he was feeling.

He bit his lip and glanced at the door across from his. It was still closed.

He breathed in and out.

It might be fine. Elliot had a new master, and maybe, just maybe, Mr. Horneswood would realize there were different rules now.

He went into the kitchen, and began to wash last night’s dishes.

___________________

“Good morning.”

He jumped, and turned to see Master on the steps. “Good morning, sir.”

Master Ambrose helped him gather up the decorations, winding the strung flowers into a nice loop before putting them away.

“I’m going to bring some more wood in, alright? We’re a little low. I’d appreciate it if you could sweep the floor. We’ll move the tables and chairs back after. And I think there’s some bacon in the larder if you haven’t had breakfast yet.”

“Yes, sir, thank you.” He watched Ambrose leave, the pit of dread in his stomach growing. He was too nauseated for rich bacon; and instead opted for a day-old biscuit and a bit of butter.

He grabbed the broom and moved to the far corner. There were lots of crumbs from last night that needed to be taken care of.

Elliot was lost in the work, making the floor clean and shiny, when somebody pressed up against him. He froze. Hands settled on his shoulders, squeezing.

“Hello,” purred Mr. Horneswood into his ear. “Isn’t this a pleasant surprise?”

Elliot whimpered, and Mr. Horneswood shifted to murmur into his other ear. “He looked for you, you know. For quite a while. I figured you’d died.”

Elliot twitched, but he couldn't bring himself to move away.

Mr. Horneswood traced a finger over his chest before suddenly gabbing his chin. “I’m going to drag your sorry ass back home.”

He mouthed at his ear, and Elliot shuddered. Tears pooled at the corners of his eyes.

“Maybe I’ll make you my little bitch tonight,” he mused. “Just us, before I have to share my favorite slut again.”

Oh gods, no-

“What reward do you think he’ll give me for bringing you home? I know, how about I get to-”

The back door slammed open, and Mr. Horneswood jumped away from him.

Elliot couldn’t look up from the floor, couldn’t bring himself to move. But Mr. Horneswood brushed past him, probably to get his own breakfast.

Ambrose didn’t come into the room, no matter how desperately he wished for him.

Elliot kept sweeping.

___________________

When the kitchen half of the inn was opened for the day, Mr. Horneswood took great pleasure in ordering him around.

He was nicer when Ambrose was in earshot, but his smug, satisfied face sent chills up his spine when Master was gone.

“You look better now that you’re fed,” said Mr. Horneswood, as Elliot fetched him coffee. “At least your new master understands the importance of actually having an ass to grab. Too bad for you; that’ll change.”

Elliot looked away. “He- he doesn’t touch me,” he whispered. “It's not allowed.”

“No? All the better then. I look forward to how tight you’ll be.”

___________________

“Elliot? Could you help me with this?” Ambrose called from across the room.

Elliot grabbed the topmost box from him, and helped set the delivery on the counter. He could feel Horneswood’s eyes watching.

Ambrose disappeared down into the cellar.

“Look at you,” mocked Horneswood. “Even got yourself a new name. Do you want me to call you Elliot when I fuck you, or is ‘whore’ still on the table?”

Elliot said nothing. What did he mean by new name? He couldn’t remember having one before. His old master hadn’t given him one.

He bit his lip.

“At least get me some more water while you’re over there,” Horneswood ordered, snapping him out of his thoughts.

___________________

Finally, Ambrose went upstairs to pray, and Elliot made the excuse of cleaning the upstairs windows in order to follow him.

The door clicked behind him, and he locked it just to be sure. Ambrose looked up from the altar.

“Is everything alright?”

“He’s going to hurt me,” he blurted, “He- I-” his breath came quick and shallow, and he struggled to catch it.

“Slow down love.” Ambrose crossed the room, hands on his shoulders. Elliot flinched away.

“I- I know him. From before.” Ambrose’s eyes went wide.

“Are you certain?” Elliot nodded, desperate for him to understand.

“He- He said I was a- a slut and- and he was going to take me back, and-” his voice cracked. He gulped in air.

“He said he was going to make me his bitch. And so many other horrible things!” Please believe me, please believe me, please please please.

“Hush. Come with me.” Ambrose’s voice was tight and firm, and angry. Master turned on his heel and stalked into the bedroom.

Elliot followed him inside. Was he going to be punished?

Ambrose pulled the doors shut behind them, and the more layers of walls and doors between him and Horneswood the better. Even if Ambrose was going to beat him.

But instead, Ambrose pulled down a dagger and sheath from a hook on the wall. The hilt was a shiny thing, with gold and encrusted gems.

Master pulled the dagger out of its leather, and he could see how sharp it was.

Ambrose put it on the bed. Elliot didn’t take his eyes off the shiny steel.

“Do you want to watch?”

“I don’t understand, sir.” He looked up at Master Ambrose.

Master Ambrose looked at him, a cold glint in his eyes.

“I’m going to kill him. Do you want to watch?”

Elliot considered the knife. He thought about yesterday, how he somehow already knew how to fold the flowers even though he couldn’t remember ever doing it before.

He thought about Mr. Horneswood’s taunt about having a new name, despite being unable to recall an old name.

“Elliot? Do you want to watch?”

“Yes.” He looked back at Ambrose. “I have questions for him.”

taglist: @cupcakes-and-pain @secretwhumplair @paintedpigeon1 @whump-blog @whump-em @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @starfields08000 @littlespacecastle @mylovelyme @whump-cravings @zeewbee @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @keepingwhumpwiththekardashians @fanastyfinder @roblingoblin285 @whumpzone @snakebites-and-ink @astrokea @magdalena-writes @latenightcupsofcoffee @tobiaslut

#big bad ambrose time!!#is everyone ready its gonna be GREAT #ambrose and elliot #my writing #whump #slavery whump #creepy whumper #intimate whumper

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redheartedtramp · 4 months

Text

KA-DON!

Jaune: *pins Weiss to a tree*

Weiss: Ooh, Jaune~ You're being so direct today. Did something happen?

Jaune: I just thought you'd like this kind of thing.

Jaune: *proceeds to grip Weiss' chin and tilts her head up* Do you?

Weiss: Ooh, I definitely like this.

As the two get closer, there is a loud clearing of the throat. Both of them look over their shoulder to see Ruby.

Weiss: ....Ruby, do you, uh, mind? We're-

Jaune: *jumps off of Weiss and starts running*

Weiss: J-Jaune?!

Jaune: Nononononononono-

Ruby pulls out a dart gun and shoots it at Jaune's neck, causing him to fall over. His aura flashes and then shatters as Jaune convulses and screams.

Weiss: Jaune! Ruby, what are you doing?!

Jaune: You fucking bitch! You crazy fucking-

Ruby: *pulls out a collapsable scythe that is not Crescent Rose and she dashes at Jaune, then casually lops his head off* That's another one.

Weiss: Ruby?! What the fuuuuuuuuuu-?! *clutches her head as she falls to her knees* Wh...what's going on?!

Ruby: Don't worry, you're just going through Psychic Shock. Your brain will catch up in a minute.

Weiss: RUBY, WHAT IS THIS?! WHY DID YOU CALL JAUNE?!

Ruby: He wasn't Jaune.

Weiss: ...WHAT?!

Ruby: Well, not your Jaune. Just like how I'm not your Ruby.

Weiss: YOU'RE NOT MAKING SEN-

Weiss then sees a memory of Jaune carrying her through the woods when she broke her leg. Then, the memory goes up in flames as the memory erases itself.

Weiss: W-wha...what was that?

Ruby?: That's the Psychic Shock. Those false memories are being erased from your mind.

Weiss: False memories?

Ruby?: You see, Weiss, this is not your Jaune. This Jaune is part of a cabal of Multiversal Jaunes. They're variants of a 'True Jaune', the dorky, try-hard, endearing man who wants to be a hero. These Jaunes, who we call 'Jaune Parasites' because they all have implanted themselves with a psychic parasite. It feeds on their aura, which they can produce plenty of, and they use their psychic powers to implant false memories into others in an attempt to insert themselves either into the lives of others or insert themselves deeper and make themselves more important.

Weiss: But...why?

Ruby?: To conquer. Mostly so they can have any woman, or women, they want in large, multiverse-level harems. It's humorous in a way, since conquering multiple universes are almost a secondary goal to them.

Weiss: Then...what are you?

Ruby?: Oh, right. I'm Ruby Rose. Or, well, not your Ruby. I'm Ruby-837.

Weiss: You're the 837th Ruby?

Ruby-837: Actually, my serial number is Ruby 837-93 GAMMA, but let's keep this simple.

Weiss: Then...is the Jaune I know...you know...

Ruby-837: Dead? No. He's in a broom closet on the second floor.

Weiss: Oh my God, how long has he been in there?! Days?! Weeks?! Months?!

Ruby-837: About 20 minutes.

Weiss: ...Oh.

Ruby-837: Come on, Weiss. Keep up. Psychic parasites. They implant a lifetime's worth of memories into your head. Though, it's good I caught this early. Your Jaune would've been infected with the parasite and made into another 'alpha male stud' to start trying to conquer other universes.

Weiss: That's horrible!

Ruby-837: Yeah. The fact he was knocked out though at least means this is a decent Jaune. So, you know, if you have any actual feelings for him, then he's clean.

Ruby's wrist starts beeping.

Ruby-837: Oh, gotta go. Got a Code Gold going on. It's a pretty big deal. *takes her scythe and cuts open a portal* Have a good life, Weiss.

Weiss: Wait! I have one more question!

Ruby-837: ...Alright, but make it fast. I've got a multi-dimensional tyrant to stop.

Weiss: ...What...what happened to your Jaune? Did he go bad?

Ruby-837: *giggles* Weiss, Jaunes don't go bad. *she pulls up her blouse and shows multiple scars around her torso. There's a burn mark in the shape of Jaune's crest under her ribs* Some are just more selfish than others.

Weiss: Oh my God!

Ruby-837: *lowers her shirt* Your Jaune is a good one. So even if you don't slap a ring on him, make sure he stays a good man. I'd hate to have to come back and cut 'em down. *leaves through the portal*

#rwby #rwby shitpost #weiss schnee #jaune arc #ruby rose #anti-white knight #RWBYVerse AU

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shiyorin · 5 months

Text

Time to silly headcanon

Primarchs but they are in Hogwarts Au

Because everyone need Hogwarts au :v

Lion El'Jonson

Top marks in everything but has a resting bitch face

Secretly a big softie but acts aloof

Skips class to nap in the forest

Once stupefied a professor but claims it was an accident

They think he is Slytherin but he is Gryffindor

Fulgrim

Slytherin prefect, always flawlessly styled hair and robes

Always changing hair and outfit more than Luna Lovegood

Hosts lavish potions parties in the Room of Requirement

Already opened a beauty salon in Hogsmeade on weekends

Perturabo

Ravenclaw but always in detention for arguing with teachers

Could single handedly build a new Hogwarts over summer

Always scribbling dark fortress designs instead of notes

Enchanted the suits of armor to attack people who irritate him

Jaghatai Khan

Always late to class because racing brooms in the halls

Sends letters via hawk instead of owl

Hufflepuff seeker, fastest broom in the game

Enchanted his motorcycle to fly

Leman Russ

Gryffindor team captain, chill dude until someone mentions Slytherin

Parties in the Forbidden Forest weekly

On a first name basis with the giant squid

Sneaks hip flask of firewhiskey into class

Rogal Dorn

Hufflepuff prefect, stickler for the rules

Enchanted the suits of armor as a personal army

Constructed multiple secret bases around campus

Reported Peeves to the headmistress at least weekly

Konrad Curze

Not actually a student, caretaker is convinced he's a ghost

Lurks in shadows muttering about "justice"

Won't stop leaving creepy notes in people's bags

Has never been seen in daylight

Sanguinius

Gryffindor seeker and favorite student of professors

Runs free tutoring for anyone struggling in class

Tries to help everyone even if they’re mean to him

Secretly a vampire but hasn't told anyone yet

Ferrus Manus

Technically should be in Ravenclaw but hangs with Gryffindors

Top of the Transfiguration class

Always transfigures things by accident when angry

Stockpiles spare parts in the Room of Requirement

Angron

Kicked out of every class for flying into homicidal rages

Secretly takes care of magical creatures in the forest

Pranks people by putting curses on bludgers

Weekly visits to St. Mungo's due to "outbursts"

Why is he Hufflepuff???

Roboute Guilliman

Head Boy and Ravenclaw prefect patrols the halls excessively

Top marks in every class and pays attention except Prophesy

Binds rule books to smack people who break curfew

Daily schedules include color-coded classes and chores

Mortarion

Constantly skipping herbology to smoke strange plants out back

This Slytherin always smells like a wet grave and fungi

Hoards Doxys and bowtruckles in the damper closets

Enchanted his robes to be self-cleaning but they’re still grimy

Magnus the Red

Runs the wizard chess club and gobstones club

Has a psychic duel with Professor Trelawney weekly

Secretly teaching advanced magic to other houses in the Room of Requirement

Uses crystal balls to gaze into the future of quidditch matches

Somehow became the most hated Ravenclaw

Horus Lupercal

Charismatic Gryffindor prefect and heir to Dumbeldore

Talented chaser who carries the quidditch cups every year

Top marks but still finds time for partying with Slytherins

Already has several Hogsmeade businesses lined up for after graduation

Lorgar Aurelian

Runs Slytherin religious cult meetings in the Forbidden Forest

Always gets plucked from class for excessive proselytizing

Has enchanted murals all over the school of super holy scenes

Constantly blessing other students whether they want it or not

Vulkan

Hufflepuff chaser, always lets the snitch go

Best at Care of Magical Creatures, even the dangerous ones love him

Secretly bakes the best cookies in the kitchens

Constantly in the hospital wing due to "potions accidents"

Corvus Corax

Introverted Ravenclaw, knows all the hidden passages

Best student in Defense Against the Dark Arts

Skips classes to research advanced transfiguration

Owl delivery? Nah he climbs in your window

Alpharius/Omegon

No one knows if they're the same person or twins

Always seen disappearing around corners and through secret passages

Top marks in Potions but no one knows which one is which

Pranks people by polyjuicing as other students

#shiyorin's writer #primarch #hogwarts au #lol #warhammer 40k #wh40crack

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obsessive-ego · 6 months

Text

You know the halloween episode, where toonjuice and Lydia have to look for her cat in the netherworld, and go to a witch party yeah?

I like the idea of y/n teasing toonjuice while he's being flirted with by that warlock

Bj: little help her babes

Y/n: who am I to interfere with true love

Bj: babes!

This warlock is bugging toonjuice, who is in drag, all night, while y/n us just kinda teasing him, glad to not be in his shoes again, a few witches ask them to dance, and it's fine and fun

Eventually, toonjuice clings to y/n during a slow song, head pressed against their chest, arms wrapped around their waist

"Just dance with me babes, I can't take it anymore, the guy's been grinding on me all night!"

You try not to laugh, and gently adjust yourself and him into a more appropriate dancing position, taking the lead

"Beatrice, who is this?" The warlock approached the two of you, clearly irritated

"My date" he squeaks out

"Your date? You never mentioned them earlier"

"We had a fight, and we just made up, ya see y/n here can be a real bitch-"

You pinch him

"Witch, I ment witch, so we're back together now and will be making out in the broom closet later♡"

You roll your eyes at his mess he made for himself

"I see. Well, you two enjoy the rest of your evening, and Beatrice? Here's my card if things go south"

#Beetlejuice x reader #toonjuice x reader #rambling #i want to make this into a real fic

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talesfrommedinastation · 6 months

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My redneck neighbor Doug on 'The Solitary Clone'

Oh boy, a Daddy Warcrimes episode, happy happy joy joy!

Here it is, Doug's review of 'The Solitary Clone' or, as he calls it, 'Daddy Warcrimes Goes To Texas'.

Nothing much to say...enjoy, you lot. Doug liked this episode, but he likes Daddy Warcrimes the same reason I enjoy characters like the Joker and Daemon Targaryen: I AM NEVER BORED.

CW: Daddy Warcrimes do what he do and Doug narrates it. Need I say more? Oh and if you're from Texas, I apologize ahead of time. Doug shreds the Lone Star State something bad in here.

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Oh boy, we arrive at some dry-ass dump. It’s gross and there’s corn and everyone seems a little off. Must be Oklahoma.

Wait, there’s peaky mountains, must be Texas. Didn’t know Texas was in Star Wars but whatever.

Well, here’s the Empire, but wait! This dump is run by an angry lady with a bucket on her head dressed like a hippie beekeeper. I’ll call her Beekeeper Bitch.

Anywho, looks like Beekeeper Bitch is holding the government officials hostage today, which is what they do for fun in Texas I guess, besides make barbeques and do weird shit at football games. I hate A&M so much.

Now, here’s Daddy Warcrimes, having a nice nap in what looks to be the broom closet at my job where the junior engineers always end up banging each other at least once a week. I’m surprised there’s no bleach in there. Jeez, Daddy Warcrimes, no blanket?

Poor Daddy Warcrimes, trying to make friends with the other dudes at lunch and no one wants to go near him because he was forced to sleep in the Dirty Shag Closet. At least the clone cafeteria has turkey legs like Ren Faire. I wonder if it’s because Daddy Warcrimes crashes where the younger employees screw each other all day and there’s stains on the walls no one wants to talk about. Oh well.

Oh, now we gotta see MBA-Rob. No turkey legs for Daddy Warcrimes today. I hate this little asshole, of course he’s dicking around on his stupid assed phone while Daddy Warcrimes waits and fantasizes about killing and smoked meats.

No one will swipe right on you, Rob, you’re unemployed and gave your last girlfriend an itchy crotch. Or is it left? Up and down? How does that thing where you meet ladies work?

32 rotations…wtf is this Waterworld shit? How come Daddy Warcrimes isn’t burned to a crisp? How did he survive on that dump? Damn, the man must be part roach, I guess, wow.

Now he’s got his sweet Johnny Cash armor back on, just looking at him makes me wanna watch that western robot show with Ed Harris again. He’s hanging out in front of that script that possessed Linda Blair back in the day. Does Pazuzu exist in this universe?

Oh, shit, it’s Obi-Wan’s Boyfriend! What in the what what. Glad to see he’s still around! Where’s his gold armor? Did he get it after Obi-Wan…you know, that makes me too sad to think about. I’m sorry, Obi-Wan’s Boyfriend, that must have been rough on you.

Well, looks like he and Daddy Warcrimes are off! Where? They’re off on a charming romp to squash some rebellion!...wait, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Who are we rooting for? I’m confused. When did Star Wars get confusing? Am I old now?

Ya know who's not confused? Daddy Warcrimes! His job is pointing, shooting, killing. Which, I get, man. I worked in the oil industry. Speaking of which, they’re back in Texas, but where? Are they in Marfa? This looks like one of the shittier towns in West Texas, outside of El Paso. Are they making meth? Is the Empire the DEA?

You know, this place is quite nice for someone like Daddy Warcrimes. Second amendment respected, the locals spoke in grunt, and smoked meats for everyone! Speaking of Texas, I wonder if there’s a Buc-ee’s inside, and the Empire wants to take over their jerky emporium, and that’s where this mess came from.

I miss Buc-ees, I could go with a hot brisket sandwich and some Beaver nuggets, get some red velvet fudge for later.

No wonder Daddy Warcrimes is shooting everyone, the man is hungry!

God, DAMN, Daddy Warcrimes waiting and staying perfectly still while he’s getting shot at and the TANK holy SHIT he is a BAD ASS but a BAD PERSON and I am CONFUSED BUT I LIKE IT?

("Meat Muffin, you got a doctorate, diagnose me, what is this feeling where I’m confused but happy?"

"It’s just being happy, Doug, and my doctorate is not in psychology.")

And those crap robots are shooting at them again, but are these good guy robots? Didn’t we spend the last few years hating on them? Oh wait, they’re reprogrammed for defense…oh.

Have I ever told you how much I hate those damn things? They look like vacuum cleaners, if someone made art of a vacuum cleaner that they wanted to be human. Non sexy vacuum cleaners.

("Doug, when did you ever think vacuum cleaners were sexy?"

"Never, don’t know what you’re talking about.")

Why does this feel like an FBI siege? Is this based on Waco? Shit man, I was in the navy when that happened. This ain’t good. This really is Daddy Wacrimes's Texan adventure, isn't it?

But what is good is Daddy Warcrimes and his GUN. Look at those trick shots like the man is yelling ‘SKEET’ and ‘PULL’ like you wouldn’t believe. I bet he’s the type of person who throws a tantrum at the ice cream store because his favorite flavor is ‘bullets’ and it ain’t on the menu.

Look at him and Obi-Wan’s boyfriend just going up and killing robots left and right. He ain’t good, but that ain’t bad. Which is…good or bad? Ah, whatever, I like this damn show.

And there’s Beekeeper Bitch bitching at the Empire’s Bitch. Those couches look comfy.

Daddy Warcrimes is coming your way! When she’s not wearing her helmet, Beekeeper Bitch looks just like my niece! Wow! Oh, now I don’t know, is she bad? Good? She wants independence for her people, maybe Obi-Wan’s Boyfriend and Daddy Warcrimes can listen to her?

Oh, shut up, Empire Bitch, no one cares. ‘Execute her’ uh shut up, your hat sucks and don’t you know that Obi-Wan’s Boyfriend is a free-thinking MAN who might just up and take a DUMP on your LAWN.

Well, no. Damn, Daddy Warcrimes, you cold-assed sonofabitch.

‘Hang her body in the square’, what in the hell, this is dark, Dr Meat Muffin, are you letting your sweet girls watch this show? One of them’s a baby, I hope not.

(I was 100% watching this with my 2 year old, it was on Disney, what do you expect- Dr. MM)

Welp, Daddy Warcrimes is back where he started, chilling in the cafeteria and his new best friend is his helmet. Wonderful. The helmet will at least make eye contact with him.

Back to MBA-Rob being a dick to everyone and now Obi-Wan’s Boyfriend has run off. Probably to drink himself into a stupor and cry in a shower somewhere. I know I would, too.

We really didn’t learn anything in this episode, did we? Well, I learned that Daddy Warcrimes is living a confusing life, never gets to eat and has to sleep in the Dirty Shag Closet. But at least he's got his helmet and his gun and MBA-Rob.

I know he’s bad, but he’s good at that, which is bad…but for me, it’s good?

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disembodiedvoicebracket · 3 months

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Okay here's more propaganda for the Narrator in the next round:

LISTEN. He's got it all. He's british. He's tragic. He spent centuries on his own going insane. He has rejection sensitivity. He's a little bitch. He built a really shitty Minecraft house. He's doomed by the narrative, haunted by the narrative, AND narrating the narrative. He torments you with a shitty limerick song once. He's in love with his OC. He also explodes said OC with a nuke because he also hates him. And he projects his derealization and existential dread onto said OC. And he ships said OC with a bucket who is also an OC and then later on is like "STANLEY YOU ARE TOO ATTACHED TO THE BUCKET IT'S THREATENING TO TEAR OUR RELATIONSHIP APART" (exact words). His voice actor would add swears but most of them were cut out (to my heartbreak). His favorite room is literally a bunch of swirling rainbow lights. He needs to be heard in order to feel real. Literally the only physical appearance of him is out of bounds and it's as a speaker. There's an ending where he just straight-up said "all a dream" plot twists are dumb as fuck. He's so annoyed about people pointing out a bug and sending photos of it on Twitter that he makes it an entire ending and adds a whole song out of spite. He gets unreasonably pissed off about you just vibing in a broom closet. The Narrator TSP is the funniest bitch ever and I love him and want to stab him with a knife. LET HIM SWEEP THE WHOLE FUCKIN TOURNAMENT

The Narrator (TSP)

#asks #propaganda

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hearts4golbach · 28 days

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The Night Shift.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

Chapter 22.

my head pounded as i dug through my bag, praying i had some sort of pain killer in that damn thing. unfortunately, i didn't have shit. i leaned against the counter and texted johnnie.

me: johnniee

me: Are you up?

johnnie: yeah babe what's up

me: Are you coming tonight?

johnnie: Of course

me: Would you mind bringing something for my headache? it's starting out to be a terrible night, lol

johnnie: yeah ill head that way soon :)

me: Thank youuu

i turned off my phone. the bell on the door rang, and i greeted the customer. "Welcome in. what can i get for you?" Hearing the same repetitive phrase angered me tonight, way more than any other night. i cleared my throat in an attempt to calm myself down.

"Can i get a latte, please?" the girl requested.

i hummed. i turned around towards the espresso machine. i packed it and slid the container into the slot. i pressed the on button, expecting it to work, but it didn't. "you've got to be fucking kidding me." i said under my breath, hoping the customer didn't hear. i turned back around. "im so sorry, the espresso machine is broken."

"Oh, no worries!" she gave me an awkward smile before looking up at the menu. "Can i get a medium vanilla cream hot coffee?"

"yes ma'am, so sorry for the inconvenience." i picked up the coffee pot, which i had made a fresh batch not long before she had come in.

she finally received her drink. she paid and left, leaving me alone in the cafe once more. i poured myself a cup of cold water and chugged it, hoping it'd dull the pain.

i discovered that the espresso machine had just unplugged, but it was still a bitch to plug back in. i opened the cabinet and moved the extra bags of coffee beans. the plugs were in the very back of the cabinets. i was torso deep into the cabinets, trying to fish the cord out from behind the small opening in the back of it whenever johnnie walked out.

i heard a chuckle slip out of his lips. "You okay over there?"

"Yeah, just trying to plug something in." i mutter as i finally reconnect everything.

i stand up and turn to find johnnie holding a small bouquet of about 5 light pink and white tulips. i purse my lips and try to hold back tears.

"Awe, it's okay, y/n." he smiled softly, coming behind the counter to hug me. i held onto him tightly, feeling as if some of my problems had washed away. he rubbed my lower back and pulled a small container of painkillers out of his back pocket. "Here are those, if you wanna take them real quick."

he kept one arm wrapped around my waist as i did. "Thank you so much," i pecked his lips, "im so glad you're here."

he pulled up a chair behind the counter to sit with me, "What's been going on?"

"It's just that nothing seems to be working. It's just been a weird night. i have a massive headache, and my temper is super short tonight. of course, the thing was unplugged, so i had to fix that. but im only an hour into the shift, and i know the rest of the night is going to be shit." i rambled, dreading the following hours.

"Can i help around the store again? maybe that'll take some shit off of your shoulders." he offered. "What all do you have to do tonight?"

"Well, take orders, obviously. i need to sweep and mop out here and go do the last of the day shift dishes, then i need to wipe down all the counters and tables. we need to take down the valentines decorations, too." i listed off all of the main tasks that came to mind.

"Where's the broom?" he asked with zero hesitation.

"Since you really wanna help, the broom is in the closet right over there." i pointed to my right, "but really, you dont have to help."

"i wanna help, love." he replied before taking out the broom and beginning to sweep the floors.

the next hour worth of orders went smoothly. surprisingly, tonight was a busier night than usual. i decided to stop complaining, as i was getting more money, the more people that came in. johnnie then wiped off all the tables and counters, leaving them spotless.

"youre actually the best." i called from across the cafe. he smiled and gave me a thumbs up before returning to the last few tables.

"You ready to take the decorations down?" he asked, wiping his forehead after tossing the dirty rag in the dirty bin.

"Yeah, let's do it." i climbed up on his shoulders, figuring it'd be best to get the hard shit to take down out of the way first.

"There's a party me and jake were invited to this weekend. Do you wanna come with me? i think tara is going, too." johnnies thumb gently rubbed my thigh.

"Uh, obviously," i stuttered. i tossed the small stack of heart cutouts onto the floor before moving on to the next one. "Why wouldn't i want to go?"

he shrugged. "i dunno."

"My parents are coming to town soon. i told my mother about you, and she wants to meet you." i mentioned. i was anxious for his response. "Do you want to?"

"Uh, yeah? of course i fucking do." he giggled.

i sighed, "i just need to warn you, im not sure if she'll like you. she's very judgemental."

"Then I'll earn it. dont worry, y/n."

"You'll earn her liking you?" i raised my eyebrow even though he couldn't see.

"Yeah, I'll find a way." he patted my upper thigh.

after i picked the last heart off of the wall, i got off of his shoulders. he placed a soft kiss on my lips. i replied, "im sure you will."

#fanfiction #fanfic #johnnie guilbert #jake and johnnie #johnnie guilbert x you #johnnie guilbert x reader #jake webber #the night shift #fluff #café #cafe aesthetic #cafe #tara yummy #hearts4golbach

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