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#but i’m struggling rn and it’s kinda scary

star-girl69 · 3 months

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protective clarisse save me ANWAYSSSS enjoy

*mentions of clarisse picking reader up and carrying her around

PLEASE ignore the fact i forgot ambrosia existed thanks 🙏🙏 yk i just be saying stuff

it starts out like any capture the flag game

except for the fact you’re on different teams

like in so it goes when clar tells y/n “don’t do anything i wouldn’t do”

everyone once in a while the teams switch up

and clarisse has a really hard time when you’re not on the same team, but she can usually function

she’s worried out of her mind obvi

we all know you’re her achilles heel

but for some reason this time clarisse just has a really bad feeling

she’ll probably threaten everyone on her team- if they so much as LOOK at you in the wrong way she’s going to make their lives a literal hell

and everyone is like ok scary lady 🫡

they all know clarisse don’t play about you

so the game is going pretty normal

you’re just doing your thing and clarisse is hunting around you

it’s really funny because you and a few of your siblings are just fighting whoever makes their way to you

and you win every time

bc clarisse is still letting you win 😭😭😭😭

the good members of her team get told to turn around

and then she lets the weaker ones, the stragglers she doesn’t care about, pass through and then smiles when you cheer after winning even tho she can’t see you

you feel her eyes on you tho sometimes it’s kinda creepy

but basically annabeth and the blue team had set up these trenches in random parts of the wood

they were lined with like a bunch of leaves and spare linens so they were soft at the bottom

but someone 🙄🙄🙄 ugh

forgot to soften up one of them and that’s the one you fall into

she hears you scream and she’s like WOAH HOLY FUCK

running through the woods you’re crying at the bottom of this 6 ft deep hole your siblings are screaming

like she literally throws herself to the ground and drags you out of the pit pure adrenaline

and like she could tell just by your screams and the look on your face that you were HURT HURT

but she knows you need her rn so she pulls you into her lap and asks what hurts

and you can’t even speak you’re in so much pain but you gesture to your leg and maybe clarisse just didn’t want to notice it before but like that bitch is BROKEN

she’s literally shaking

“it’s okay it’s okay baby it’s okay someone is gonna go get a healer right? SOMEONE IS GOING TO GO GET A HEALER, RIGHT?”

*cue like 10 random campers all running off*

and you’re screaming and crying and your siblings are freaking out so the game kinda stops bc everyone is like what happened 😭

then they just walk into this clearing and see you pale and crying and leg obviously broken, sitting in a shaking clarisse’s lap

one of her siblings definitely has to come over and subtly say that she’s like doing a good job LMAO

bc she is STRUGGLING

like she’s never been so scared in her life

her heart is pounding her hands are shaking

but for the first time in her life she’s not really angry right now

she’s just fucking terrified

and she HATES it

she’s stroking your hair and has her arm wrapped around your waist so tight

she tells you “just dig your nails into my arm”

and you can’t even comprehend what’s going on so she grabs your hands and let’s you squeeze so hard she swears her fingers come out a little crooked

FINALLY some apollo kids come over with a stretcher

so then she starts yelling at them “BE GENTLER SHES HURT DUMBFUCKS”

then finally after clarisse’s incessant screaming she holds your hand as they take you back to the healers

then 20 minutes later they reset your leg and put it in a little cast and give you some AMAZING painkillers

so you’re like omg

clarisse is like pale and sweaty and her heartbeat is so erratic one of the healers actually has to come over and be like “maybe you should sit down and get checked out..?”

she starts screaming at them

then you’re like “omg no my saviors are fighting ☹️☹️☹️☹️”

“no no i’m sorry i didn’t mean to make you sad it’s fine it’s fine we’re not fighting”

“yay!!!!!!!”

she has to lay down in your bed and take some really deep breaths in order to calm down

and you’re just happy bc you are floating and you have your gf with you

you’re babbling on about something and clarisse is like wtf is happening to me

but also she’s acting like you just died

holding your head to her chest and staring off into the distance like that one painting of ivan the terrible holding his dead son y’all know

and you’re just happy

she’s kissing all over your face and head and telling you about how she’s gonna help you

“i’ll carry you whenever you don’t feel like using your crutches, i’ll make sure you take all your medicine, i’ll find and kill whoever did this to you, i’ll sleep with you every night just in case, and i won’t let you out of my sight ever again, and i’ll make chiron switch the teams back”

she ends up doing all of those things obvi

she annoys chiron so much he makes a permanent rule that the ares and your cabin always have to be on the same team

clarisse becomes 10x worse in terms of protectiveness

like she’s watching you like a HAWK

she just felt so totally helpless in that moment so unprepared and she never wants to feel like that again

she doesn’t think her heart can take it actually 😭

she does find the person and loses dessert privileges for 5 months for what she did!!!!!

she sleeps with you ever night bc the meds make you sleep restlessly and she’s always there to whisper in your ear and lull you back to sleep

even if you’re like oh i can just use my crutches she’s always staring at the ground like it’s a monster that’s gonna hurt you so she’s like

“hm well i don’t think so actually haha just let me carry you”

“I WANT TO WALK CLARISSE”

*picking you up* “no it’s fine this is safest”

“LET ME DOWN”

basically you’re just the love of her life and she can’t imagine something else happening to you

#clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue x y/n #clarisse la rue x you #pjo tv show #pjo x reader

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pl4ygrrrl · 1 year

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☆*:.｡. GHOST X KÖNIG X READER !

a/n: OKAY here’s some very short and obvious poly headcanons. i left the relationship between ghost and könig kinda vague to leave it up to y’all. these are SFW i might do nsfw idk. i’m sick as shit rn so, sorry that these are short and possibly suck skdjd. i’ve never done headcanons before. ALSOOO, this is just how i personally see being in a poly relationship with them would be like. you don’t have to agree :)

i do have an ao3 account that has my old fanfics on it :)

how y’all met is entirely up to you, but you definitely initiated the relationship.

i’m gonna state the obvious: SCARY DOG PRIVILEGE. wanna go on a spontaneous late night walk? congrats, you can now do that with them with you.

i firmly believe they both give off an insane amount of body heat, so if you get cold often? not anymore! you have two personal heaters.

another obvious one: ghost is the holder of the singular brain cell between you three. but sometimes he loses it.

date nights are usually spent at home but on the rare occasion you all decide to go out, ghost is the one who organizes everything.

the sleeping arrangements would be AWFUL. i feel like könig kicks in his sleep, sometimes mumbles, and ghost is like a fucking log he never moves.

going off that, i see ghost as a heavy sleeper but also not? like, when he’s at home he could sleep through a car alarm BUT if you dared to get up out of bed to get something to drink or use the bathroom, he’s wide awake asking “where are you going? what are you doing?”

könig likes to make y’all breakfast :). ghost scarfs that shit down, plz remind him to take the time to actually taste the food

i’m so so sorry but if you have squishmallows or any plushies, ghost seems like the type to punch them when you leave the room

ghost accidentally tightens all the lids on the jars super tight and has gotten a full on lecture in german from könig bc he struggled for 15 minutes trying to open a jar and instead of admitting he struggled, he uses you as an excuse for the lecture. “what if y/n tried to open it?!?”

if you and könig got into an argument you guys would use ghost as your messenger boy like “plz tell könig to pass me a fork.” “plz tell y/n they have good perfectly working hands they can use to grab themselves a fork.” no, ghost doesn’t relay the messages because you guys are literally sitting across from each other.

overall though, being with them both is so comforting they give off comfy vibes and no i won’t elaborate because i can’t.

#you guys have to be nice im sick #konig mw2 #ghost mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #konig x reader #könig x reader #ghost x könig x reader #1k #grays writings #2k

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anime-grimmy-art · 4 months

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It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel.

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

#art year in review #anime-grimmy #fanart #sketch #comic #animatic #undertale #trigun #legend of zelda #monster hunter #kingdom hearts #undead unluck #genshin impact

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alittlebitofloveliness · 29 days

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5, 14, 15, 17

More outsiders asks? Heck yeah!

5. What are your favourite ships?

a) Curly Shepard x Ponyboy Curtis- idk why other than the fact that fanon Curly seems to balance out Ponyboy perfectly, and that I read a Curly fit on ffn when I was like fifteen that fundamentally changed my brain chemistry

b) Steve Randle x Sodapop Curtis- I don’t like any other within gang ship but Soda and Steve make sense to me and ngl my closeted ass clocked them as gay when I was reading the book because of the ‘pillow fight’ scene. I genuinely answered a comprehension question in class like ‘Ponyboy’s naïveté is shown through the fact he believes soda never drinks and that Soda and Steve were having a pillow fight when they slept together’ and my teacher had to be like oh sweetie no….

c) Marcia x Two-bit Matthews- Not a HUGE fan but they had such chemistry and I wish that could’ve been explored. I’m actually working on a fit about them rn, just because I wanna explore Marcia’s psyche. She was fun :)

14. Five headcanons I basically see as canon

a) Steve is secretly SUPER protective of Ponyboy, partially because he knows Sodapop would never be ok if something ever happened to Pony and he couldn’t stand it if Soda’s spark ever went out, but also because he wants Ponyboy to have the happy childhood he never had.

b) Darry absolutely dotes on Ponyboy, even though he’s strict, he’s lenient about letting Pony go places and works overtime to make sure he can afford to get Ponyboy everything he needs (and some stuff he simply wants), especially after Windrixville.

c) Johnny Cade is scary looking. Full stop. The gang just doesn’t see him that way so it doesn’t show in Ponyboy’s narration

d) Dallas Winston had a good mom and a happy childhood and her death was the catalyst that made him into the hoodlum he was.

e) Sodapop Curtis absolutely drinks, Ponyboy just doesn’t believe he does and Soda is not anxious to correct him because he doesn’t want Ponyboy to see him differently

15. Five headcanons that are entirely self-indulgent

a) Angela Shepard and Curly Shepard have to share a room because Tim refuses to share with anyone. Neither of them actually hates it half as much as they pretend they do.

b) Part of why Curly and Ponyboy became close was because Ponyboy was struggling with getting over his concussion, and the side effects were really stressful for him (dizzy spells, blurry vision, absentmindedness) and Curly kinda helped him with it because Curly spent 90% of his childhood concussed so he knew what Pony was going through

c) Tim Shepard and Sylvia are best friends and would kill for each other but not die for each other. However, they would avenge each other’s deaths.

d) Steve Randle wishes more than anything in the world that Darry Curtis was actually his irl older brother

e) Two-bit’s little sister HATES Ponyboy Curtis because her older brother spends more time playing older brother to him than he spends actually being an older brother to her.

17. Are there any criticisms or salt you have with the book?

My criticisms with the book lie with the author. SE Hinton has proven to be homophobic and racist, and its written into the book, which is my biggest issue. I love the story of The Outsiders but do not want to support Hinton or her harmful, bigoted ideology under any circumstances. (For anyone out there who wants a copy of the book but doesn’t want to support Hinton, you can find a free pdf online, all you gotta do is google it)

On a slightly lighter note, I would have loved to have seen more of the female characters in the book. Marcia in particular had so much potential, and I wish we’d seen one actual scene with Sandy or Sylvia.

Thanks for the ask!!!!!

#the outsiders #angela shepard #curly shepard #tim shepard #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #johnny cade #sodapop curtis #dallas winston #headcanon #two bit mathews #marcia the outsiders #marcia x two bit #purly #steve randle #stevepop

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griancraft · 2 months

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Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen

Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post

Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn

The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.

I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.

But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol

Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.

with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth

And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.

#tw abuse #discourse #vent

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clits-and-clips · 8 days

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Hey…as someone who has been in a similar position I truly believe you have to give it time and sad to say…cease contact for while. I know dude…it seems impossible it seems scary probably gut wrenching, but your health comes first. If you’re worried about time honestly fuck time. Everyone heals in their own way not everyone bounces back immediately. Not everyone handles situations the same and that’s okay.

You don’t even have to go cold turkey on communication. I always say to myself work with the issues instead of against it. Slowly kind of weening off also is a valid option.

I know the fact that it feels like it’s hurting you more than him and yeah that shit stings man. But again you have to take care of yourself. Even if you’re shitting crying and shaking it will become more bearable. Yes you will have these days and again THATS OKAY!! Regressing is part of the process of healing just try your hardest not to dwell and stay active.

It took me almost a year or two to get over that bond I had with my ex, attachment as well. Even though the thought of him moving on still kinda makes me feel a way, but I’ve realized it’s more so I’m afraid of being left behind stuck in the same place while possibly he flourishes in life. There are differences in our situation so I can only speak so much, but a lot of what you’re going through emotionally wise I get it man.

Like rn it’s hard for me to be social and have relationships with people because I’m scared honestly lol. Even platonically. At this point, I’m just taking this time to get to know myself and pay more attention to my hobbies. I’m also trying to force myself to do more things alone and volunteer places like community gardens and pantries. I’m not even there to make connection with people. if I do, cool, but It’s more so exposure therapy for me lol.

You got this man. Always give yourself, patience, grace and kindness. That’s my mantra lately lol.

I know I’m just a stranger but I do care. I don’t ever want anyone to feel this way.

Stay well and busy chief 🫡

Not talking to him at all has been difficult and I haven't managed to do it except for one day so far. I've been going up and down so much and just cannot accept that it's over. I honestly don't know where to go from here. I never thought we would ever break up so it's fucking hard. I do worry if I dont give him space and stop messaging that I'm going to push him away tho. The only way to stop that from happening is to focus on me which I'm trying so so hard to do, but none of it seems worth it which I've said before. I feel stupid cause I've said all of this before and I can't stop going on a loop at this point.

I appreciate the message and I will try and keep it in mind. I know I'll move on eventually but right now it's not what i want. All I think about is mending it and being with him again but I think its hurting me more than I'd like to admit. No matter how many times people and family tell me I need to accept it I just can't. And I know it takes effort to focus on the good and time and space to make it happen but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I have no friends to hang out with to take my mind off it, no job to go to every day, and as much as I'd like to get a job I have struggled so hard with my anxiety it just seems impossible. Anyway thank you again I appreciate it♡♡

#ask #anon #fml haha i must be so annoooyyyiiinnnggg

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endevouring-to-surprise · 2 months

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15 Questions for 15 Friends

Tagged by @gentlebeard 💜 Thank you, ella!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? This morning. I found a notebook from when I was really struggling during lockdowns etc and I’d listed my gratitudes and they were really sweet. I’m a crier.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No, not planning on having any either rn

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? Not an organised teams sports kinda gal. I used to run a lot until I fucked my knees. Now less runs, more gym for my neurotransmitter balance

DO YOU USE SARCASM? Daily (really wanted to just write no but don’t think it would’ve come off right lol)

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Hair, smile, and kindness 🥰

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR? Blue

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Oh happy endings, always. I can’t do horror in any circumstance.

ANY TALENTS? Self-effacement 💀🫠 I’m rubbish at recognising myself. But I make bloody good chocolate brownies ?

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? England

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? Writing, painting, hanging out with friends eating pizza

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? No. Would love a dog when I finally get to buy a place one day

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5’4”

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? Art and psychology

DREAM JOB? Don’t really have one 🤷🏼‍♀️ I struggle to visualise future things. The dream this year was just a New Job, which I’m starting next week 😊

Tagging with no pressure: YOU! If you fancy sharing, please please do and tag me, I’d love learning about you 💜

#user: gentlebeard #tag games #love this!!

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vro0m · 1 year

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vro0m’s rewatch - 156/310

2015 Austrian GP

Alright. I only have the race once again. Nope. Pre-race content! Let's go!

I read that in FP1, Nico was faster than Lewis. Of the others, only Raikkonen was able to come less than a second behind them. Seb was dead last with a gearbox problem, running only 4 laps. He was the fastest in FP2, though. Nico was second but did not set any timed laps in the last 20 minutes because his car was leaking oil. Lewis struggled on the supersofts and he was only 5th. Then Seb was again the fastest in FP3, just ahead of Lewis. Alonso red flagged the session by stopping on the track. When it resumed it had started raining so the times weren't improved.

Raikkonen was out in Q1 because of a miscommunication leading to him not having enough time to set a second hot lap. The track was drying so the times constantly improved. Jenson was also out in Q1, and he apparently had a 25-place grid penalty?! So yeah that turned into time penalties for the race…

In Q2 the Mercs were the fastest with Rosberg ahead of Lewis. Alonso didn't make it to Q3. Ricciardo ended 14th and had a 10 place grid penalty so he also got a time penalty for the race, I guess.

In Q3 Grosjean's brake by wire system failed and he couldn't set a time. Nico was ahead of Lewis after the first hot laps but Lewis improved by 2 tenths in the second round. They then went out for a third hot lap and both spun on different parts on the track. And that's how Lewis got his 45th pole, level with Seb who ended 3rd on the grid. Massa is 4th, Hulkenberg 5th, Valtteri 6th, Verstappen 7th, Kvyat 8th, Nasr 9th and, as we said, Grosjean 10th.

I've found the post quali press conference. It wasn't interesting apart from the way Lewis looked at Seb while he was talking so enjoy these awfully pixelated gifs.

In the end, Daniel had a 5 sec stop and go penalty, Alonso a drive through and Jenson a 10 sec stop and go penalty.

For some reason the drivers’ truck is this tiny little thing they're sitting on basically hip to hip. I can't see Lewis rn but I bet he's hating every second of it. They're also all freezing their asses off.

About his 45th pole he says he's grateful to the team who's given him the car that made it possible for him to do so. He's excited for the race, he says it's cool and he doesn't know if it's gonna rain. He's also happy about the turnout. He says the Ferraris seem to have good race pace and he thinks it's gonna be pretty close. The interview is cut short because they need to get on the truck. I'm kinda sad she didn't interview him on it because I would have liked to see who he was sitting very intimately close to lol.

That's not a very interesting prerace broadcast. There's a Hulkenberg interview and a Valtteri interview and a segment about what it's like being a TP, during which Lewis says he personally thinks a TP should be a leader and keep everyone calm and cool. They need to be easily approachable by everyone, because people need to be able to go to them to talk about issues they have.

Formation lap.

They're racing!

Oh fuck Nico gets a good start, Lewis tries to cover him but he's ahead into turn 1. Lewis comes back at him shortly after but he's on the outside. He attacks again but Nico still keeps him on the outside. Yellow flags are waved somewhere. OH NO WTF! They cut straight to an onboard and it's a Marussia I believe, under another car, is it a McLaren? No wait, I got it wrong! It's indeed a McLaren, Alonso's, and he's on top not of a Marussia but Raikkonen's Ferrari! Oh Jesus, that's a scary view. The cars are literally on top of each other. Safety car. Alonso is helped out of the upper car by the marshals. Raikkonen stands up on his own. Alonso jumps to the ground and turns around to check on him immediately. He's trying to get his steering wheel back on and as he steps out of the cockpit Alonso seems to make a gesture kind of like he's trying to grab his hand, it's kinda cute. They walk away together and look back over their shoulders. Surely they haven't seen such a view before themselves.

Meanwhile Kvyat is in the pits getting his nose changed? Jenson asks if everyone is okay and he's told yes. Let's see the replay. From Raikkonen's onboard it's difficult to understand what happened. He lost control of the car and then crashes laterally into the barriers, it just happens that Alonso's car is in-between him and the barriers. I guess Alonso might have triggered the loss of control? Wow, it's freaky. Once Alonso's car is propped on Raikkonen's and they're against the barrier they still slid on what I'd estimate to be a good 20 metres, probably? Yeah we get an aerial view and that could have been way worse. Alonso got sandwiched right at a place where the barrier is at sort of an angle to allow for passage. Had that angle been sharper it would have been catastrophic. We're still unsure what happened though… Oh and NOW that's a Marussia stopping. That's 3 DNFs on lap 2.

Bono tells Lewis to be careful on the restart as the pressures are low and it would really hurt their race if he locked up. Shortly after, the Safety Car is announced in this lap… Nico slows down slightly while Lewis swerves behind him to warm up his tyres… The tension is high… Here we go… He gets some distance between them down the main straight. Sainz and Grosjean got into some slight contact at the back. Nico sets the fastest lap. He's out of DRS range for Lewis now. And that's a slow second McLaren… Yep, that's a double retirement for McLaren.

Lap 10. Nico sets another fastest lap, he's 2 seconds ahead of Lewis already. Seb has fallen behind as well. Then it's Massa, Hulkenberg, Verstappen, Valtteri, Nasr, Sainz, and Perez. Ericsson gets a drive through for a jump start. Nico sets fastest lap after fastest lap. And finally, Lewis starts gaining time rather than losing time over him. Valtteri overtakes Verstappen for P6. Bono : "Good job there Lewis, closing the gap nice and steady."

Lap 20. Nico is still 2 seconds ahead, Seb has dropped back further. Apart from Valtteri's earlier overtake, the order hasn't changed in the top 10. Ericsson's engine stopped then went again. As we're shown graining on Rosberg's tyres, the pit stops start. Hulkenberg comes in from P7 after Grosjean, Sainz is also in. Valtteri pits and Ted says there was a close call between him and Verstappen.

On lap 30 Sainz gets a 5 second penalty for speeding in the pitlane and Verstappen overtakes Kvyat for P10. Nico is 3.2 seconds ahead of Lewis. It's still Seb behind them then Massa, Perez, Maldonado, Hulkenberg, Valtteri, Daniel and as we just established, Max is P10. Lewis is working on closing that gap again, 2.7. Sainz has no power. 2.2. Nico is told one lap. Lewis is told to pick up the pace. Nico locks up. He comes in. It's a 2.7 stop, 21.7 total in the pitlane. Massa pits, but Lewis didn't actually come in and now Nico is setting the fastest last sector in his outlap. They need to bring him in, staying out won't do him good. He pits. Ah fuck it's 3.1. Nico is well ahead and sets the fastest lap. Grosjean has a problem with his gearbox, he’s cutting some grass. The gap between Nico and Lewis has indeed increased with the stops. It seems to be about 4 seconds now. Seb comes in, putting Nico back in the lead, and it's a catastrophic stop for him, oh no! They can't bolt the right rear in! 13 seconds!!! AND LEWIS IS UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR CROSSING THE PIT EXIT LINE argh! Grosjean retires. Lewis did cross the line. And that's a 5 second time penalty for him. Fuck, that's a stupid mistake, that.

Lap 40. The gap to Nico is 5.6, without the time penalty. Then we have Massa, Seb, Valtteri, Hulkenberg, Verstappen, Ricciardo, Maldonado and–

Bono tells Lewis about the penalty. "It's just a 5-second penalty, this will be added to our race time. So that means we need to be 5 seconds ahead of the car behind to maintain our position." Lewis sounds surprised. "Which one did I touch?" he asks. Bono explains it was pit exit and they are reviewing it. Well we saw the replay and it's undeniable.

Raikkonen says he's fine and he's not sure what happened but thinks he lost the rear of the car. No mention of Alonso in his interview.

On lap 50 Lewis is making no progress, he gave up on that win. The gap is 6.8. Massa is still 3rd but Seb is closing on him.

I'm now officially bored and not paying much attention.

On lap 60, the gap is 6.2. Daniel overtook Nasr for P10.

10 laps to go. Oh, the gap is closing fast now, 5.5. 4.9. Massa is a healthy distance behind them so there's no worry about Lewis keeping P2 and Seb is now only 1 second behind Massa. Cue the fight. Perez complains of very bad vibrations. The gap at the front stabilised. Seb is closing on Massa. Nico is complaining of vibration.

5 laps to go. Lewis is 4.8 behind him and Seb is still stuck behind the Williams. They're passing a backmarker and that was a close call but the fight is still on. Nico's engineer gets back to him to ask if the vibration is all the time or on the brakes. Nico is a bit frantic : "all the time, all the time!" He asks if he's sure there's no reliability concern over the tyre and he's told not at the time. The engineer starts to explain but Nico cuts him off : "All eyes on that, okay?" he says. "All eyes on that." The engineer says "absolutely, absolutely, but no concerns at the moment." Seb attacks Massa but he can't make it. The gap to Nico is 4.5. It won't change anything, there's not enough time to make it, 2 laps to go. Maldonado and Verstappen are fighting and they both almost crashed several times now. Verstappen says his tyres are completely gone. Final lap. This fight is tighter between Nico and Lewis, with the gap down to 2.2 seconds.

It's the end of the race.

Nico wins ahead of Lewis and Massa.

Niki says Nico did a perfect race from beginning to end. Ted says Lewis also made an "uncharacteristic mistake". Niki says it happens, they shouldn't and he'll for sure be upset but he thinks Nico would have won regardless.

Lewis hugs Nico but he hasn't taken his helmet off.

Nico climbs the barrier and sets himself upon his mechanics to be carried which is a weird thing to do lol.

As Nico arrives in the cool down room for some reason it's Herbie Blash carrying his helmet for him. He immediately engages Massa in Italian rather than English. It seems less innocuous than when he speaks German with Seb, you have to say. Massa moves to look at the times on the screen. Lewis and Nico don't talk.

Lewis does smile on the podium, he's not beaming of course but he doesn't seem too pissed.

Oh here's the Mercedes moustache mechanic again!

Gerhard Berger leads the interviews.

Berger tells Lewis he's one of the quickest drivers he's ever seen. Lewis smiles. Berger says he also has a quick car but a headache in the team, as every time he thinks he's going away winning the championship Nico comes back and keeps him honest. (It's interesting how in 2014 he was the underdog as he chased Nico for most of the season and this time it's the other way around). Berger says it's great to watch them both. Lewis says it's great to see his enthusiasm. There was no question there. They touch each other and it's a bit awkward, Lewis laughs.

Lewis says Nico did a fantastic job and he was quicker during the race. He says he had a bad start which lost him ground and then he pushed as hard as he could. Berger says they both put quali laps every lap and he thinks it's great to see them fighting since karting time. Lewis says it's been a long time.

When asked in postrace interviews, Rosberg and Massa said that there should be safety improvements made in the area of closed cockpits after Alonso and Raikkonen's crash. Lewis said he had no opinion on the matter. Alonso said he was scared by the incident and relieved that Raikkonen was fine. There was no penalty.

Maldonado accused Max of not respecting the rules in their fight for P7 although he said he enjoyed being allowed to race to the limits by the stewards. Max said he found it "quite funny" that Maldonado said that and refused to elaborate. (Honestly he's so funny for that.)

Lewis is off to see the fans again. Meanwhile Paddy is interviewed and it's not very interesting but about the next race being the British GP he says : "to be honest one of the greatest moments I ever get in formula 1 is when you hear the home crowd at Silverstone cheer for Lewis, I've heard that in a number of occasions and it's really quite emotional."

Ohhh Massa's son is hanging around with him while he does media duty. I see him in the background of Lewis' interview. It's so cute. Anyway Lewis says it was a good, decent day in the office.

Natalie asks why he couldn't find an answer to Nico's pace, though. He's not really in the mood I can tell, he's evasive. Not 1-word-answers bad but not really owning up to it either. He says he doesn't know, he says Nico was quicker "just in the second stint", in the first stint he was close. He did a great job and "of course" Lewis lost out at the start. She asks why. He says he let the clutch out and it underperformed or something like that idk if it makes sense. He coughs. He says it's an issue he's been having since Barcelona, and that before that he had really good starts. She says he seems pretty calm about it all. He smiles.

She asks about Silverstone. He says he's looking forward to seeing "lots and lots of Brits" and to drive the circuit because it's a great track. He says Nico got to win his home GP, so he'll be out to fight for this one.

Hah! They decided to interview Felipe Senior and Junior. Jr said Sr would finish third and indeed he did. The microphone is the size of his face lol. Little guy. He's just playing with it during his dad's interview. Cute cute cute. At the end, Simon says he keeps seeing Jr practising his football skills in the paddock. He asks him if he wanna be "a racing driver or a famous Brazilian footballer". "I wanna be a racing driver," he says quietly. Everybody awws. Massa makes the international money gesture in the background. "You need to find sponsors uh?" he says as he taps him on the shoulder. "Good sponsors." Hill points at Sr : "Here he is, here's the sponsor!" They laugh.

Brundle congratulates Nico on his 11th win and says apart from the quali lap he had the weekend covered. Nico isn't convinced. "I had Sunday covered," he corrects him. "Saturday not really." He says the start was very important and he nailed it. He credits his engineer for his clutch settings. He says like he's said several times before that after the start it's difficult to come back because they have the same car, so unless the one in front makes a mistake you can't really overtake.

#f1 #lewis hamilton #vro0m's race reviews #2015 #2015 austrian gp

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fullsunstrawberry · 1 year

Note

omg i’m so sorry! hopefully your cousin will be all okay :) i know cancer is super scary and it will be really tough at times but just know that i and all your other follows all love and support you!

i also understand the relationship with your mother- as you grow older (not me acting like i’m 1000 years older than you) you and your mom will definitely become super close :) my mom and i basically had the same “problem” but now she’s basically my other half (i love my mom 😍)

also do NOT stress about school since you’re literally graduating it doesn’t matter at all like high school can suck my dick fr

also YESS older brothers are so fun 😭 what would i do without mine fr like i’d probably be homeless or something tbh

have an amazing day, please don’t stress out too much, remeber to take care of not only others, but yourself as well, drink lots of water and make sure to eat, and i love you sm 💓💓

thank you so much!!! i’m crying 😭❤️❤️❤️

his surgery was today and i’m getting ready to go visit! it went well and he said it didn’t even hurt that much 🙏

my mom and i are usually buddy buddy but we have mood swings 💀 like rn we spent the whole day together. She struggles with her mental heath a lot and i’m kinda the one who has to be the “mother” when it happens because my brother doesn’t know how to

and i didn’t go to school today 🤪 which is good because i actually got to do a lot of things and i have to make my brothers graduation cap (he wants something from one piece)

i’m gonna give myself a little me time, to pick up my room, dye my hair and stuff

love you so much 🥰🫶🫶🫶 i’m gonna start posting again this weekend!! now that everything has settled and my mental health is better 🤩

#my love <3 #i smile every time i see your username #ask answered #ask box #send away #erin-calling <3

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lotti-lyric · 2 years

Note

Hola! I saw your post and I wanted to request a romantic matchup! I would very much prefer a male U-A student (if you can make that possible).

Ok so I am a female, and I am 5’9 (ik I’m that one tall kid lol). I have long brown hair/curls (like very curly). I would like to call myself an ambivert because one minute I can be chill and just relaxing my bed, and the next minute I could be bouncing of walls. I am a Scorpio (and some how a mix of Libra). I am Demisexual but I do prefer males/he/him. I have brown eyes that are usually dark, but kinda light up in the sun. I’m a minor teenager! I wouldn’t say I’m big, but I’m definitely not skinny either, so probably more on the curvy side. I have skinny legs, and skinny arms but wider thighs (and dare I say it, stomach rolls).

My dress style is kinda weird. Like one day I could wear all black, and the next I could be in a mix match mood. However I do prefer the dark/light academia aesthetic.

Ok my personality is a lot of things, I can be very sweet at most times but I have probably one of the shortest tempers in the world. Whenever somebody gives me attitude, I tend to reflect their attitude and give them the same one back. I try to avoid lying as much as possible, but I am very sarcastic. In school I am mostly known for my sweet and sassy character (mostly for laughs lol). I am socially awkward, and I (unfortunately) do have anxiety that puts me into bad moods sometimes. If there is a friend group, believe it or not; I’m the mother of the group. Sometimes I can be a control freak, but I tend to realize days later. I do like being the sender of attention (in the good way).

I have an obsession to listening to music. At random timss of the day, I will pop on my Bluetooth earphones and begin dancing. I like pop music (preferably Ariana Grande), Rnb music, and music in my saved TikTok sounds.

If I know somebody very well I get very comfy around them. Idc how preppy my clothes are out in public, at home I like to slip into an oversized shirt/hoodie, some comfortable pj shorts, and some high top socks.

My favorite season is Summer cause I for some reason love to be in the pool.

If I’m mad, I promise you if you give me some food (preferably Italian) I’ll forget our entire fight. I am also a huge chocolate lover.

I constantly search and wonder everyday how I will be able to achieve my dream job of becoming an actress. It’s absolutely my dream career, and I really hope to pursue it.

I cuddle with my pillow at night, because the thought of having someone next to you, comforting and holding you is my dream :(

When I’m bored I scroll through TikTok, instead of really making them.

I’m always flipping or dancing if you ever see me. I’ve been dancing since I was very little, and I got into gymnastics a couple years ago (unfortunately I had to quit cause of covid)

I’m not much a fearful person as I get older, the only thing that really scares me is death. I can watch horror movies like Chucky (cause he’s LOWKEY kinda funny), but Lord knows that you should never show me Annabelle. If you show me something scary, at night I will be clinging onto you shaking and begging you to turn some kind of light on.

Although I can tend to be lazy sometimes, I’m actually a very active person.

I sing, dance, act (you know the whole performance arts package).

I find humor, and kindness the most attractive thing in a person. I also kinda like people that can be sweet or fiery (you know getchu comebody who can do both).

I’m sorry for so much reading, this is my first time doing this. I hope this dosen’t make you struggle, so take your time! Luv you <3

charlottes interlude 💗- hi!! so i’m probably going to begin repeating characters if i feel it’s the best match!! but all the headcanons will be personalized and different so don’t worry, nothing really changed!! sorry for the delay loves, i’ve had class for 9 hours today (im still in class rn oops🧍🏼‍♀️)! i hope you enjoy, have a great one!! you seem so fun!

warnings; swearing, anxiety mention

i match you with…

Hitoshi Shinsou!!

- this for you both!! ^^

- absolutely loves everything about you!! you’re the most stunning person he’s ever seen and he’s not afraid to make sure others know that

- so expect a hand always around your waist

- he loves being surprised by your style each day! it’s become a game for him to message you his guess for ur aesthetic every morning!!

- crashing in comfy outfits in his dorm with him just holding you while ur playlist blasts on your speakers 💗 its so ethereal

- he loves how sweet you can be but also finds your attitude super cute!! he’s a pretty mellow guy but can also match the snarky, sarcastic energy you give him, leading to a lot of playful banter

“Can’t wait to absolutely decimate you for all you’re worth in Mario Kart later Toshi 🤪”

“Ohhh tsk tsk, in your dreams sweetheart, that mushroom cup has always belonged to me”

- he’s honestly such a sweet guy but ur humor aligns so well it’s so CHAOTIC

- always makes sure to help you any way you need if you feel anxious, even if it’s just through cuddles!! he loves your caring nature but he also loves to spoil you and give u a lot of attention!!

- he cannot dance. he loves watching you dance though!! he’s so amazed by what you can do!! he’ll try if you ask him, he wants to sweep you off your feet 💗 doesn’t mean he’ll be good though 💀

- have y’all slept with all the lights on after a horror movie binge?? absolutely 💀 worth it though

- loves to watch you preform!! you just light up UGH you’re his star GOODBYE

#bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia #mha fanfic #bnha hcs #bnha x self insert #mha x reader #bnha matchups #mha headcanons #mha matchup #mha matchups #bnha matchup #mha hcs #bnha headcanons #bnha shinso hitoshi #hitoshi shinsou

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violetnotez · 3 years

Note

Can you please make JJK boys HCs where their s/o is multilingual? Like they speak several languages and sometimes get asked around in Tokyo by foreigners and they get jealous bc they think it's hot but can't understand a single word at the same time. I just think it'll be cute and funny! ( U can ignore if u like) thank you tho ❤️

HC: S/O IS MULTILINGUAL | JJK

Music Genre: Rock | JJK

Characters: Gojou, Yuuji, Megumi

Warnings: cursing + slightttt suggestive content (if ya squint)

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

Shop Owner’s Note: Omg how could I ignore this! Thank you so much anon for requesting, this ask is just the cutest! It isn’t very long, so I hope that’s okay-I literally wrote this at like 12 in the morning so if it’s a shit show I’m sorry 😂💀

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

The first time he hears you talk in another language it’s GAME OVER

He is instantly in love with the way you sound in this other language-whether it be English, Spanish, Turkish, Chinese, etc

He just thinks it’s so hot

Keeps asking you to say certain phrases in your language,,,,

It’ll start out simple like “Good morning,” and “How are you?”

But Gojo being Gojo, he’ll progressively make the phrases more intimate and flirtatious, asking you to say his name with your slight accent change from the language, how to say “I love you”,,,,,

The dude Probabaly found a new kink of his tbh 😂💀

Asked you how to say “beautiful” and now that’s your new pet name now

He really loves it when you have any chance to use your language, because you sadly speak in it so rarely even though it sounds so beautiful to him

But what he doesn’t like is when you talk to people for a freaking LONGGGGG time

Gojo is hoenstly really hyper sometimes, so if your helping a tourist in the middle of Tokyo, especially if your on your way to Gojou’s favorite bakery

This dude will do everything in his power to break you away

He tries to be subtle about it at first, like holding your hand and giving it a small squeeze,

But your not even noticing and now your laughing at whatever this random person said and he doesn’t even know what your saying...

it kinda irks him so much of your attention isn’t on him, so his solution to that is wrapping his arms around your waist, encasing you from behind

“Tell then you have to go doll, I’m starving ya know,” he whispered this into you ear, and the way he says it makes you think he’s not starving for food (if ya catch my drift) 👀😳

So with big shocked eyes and teeth biting your lower lip, you quickly bid the stranger farewell and follow Gojo, hands firmly placed in his

Gojo is hoenstly just really good at getting you to do what he wants, it’s kinda scary at this point 💀

Omg he is just amazeddddddddd

Like whoa he’s s/o is pretty, brave, AND smart?!

Damn he feels so lucky rn 🥺

He’s so excited by this new revelation, with a huge, boyish smile and eyes sparkling

If you ever try to downplay your language speaking skills, like “Oh I’m not very good at it” or “It’s not that big of a deal, a lot of people speak it” he won’t be having any of it!

Yuuji is your biggest hype man, just forcing you to be proud of yourself sometimes

“Cmon y/n you gotta admit it’s pretty cool! Some people can barely speak one language...and you can speak a whole other one!”

Deifnitely begs you to teach him, so whenever you to are out together, you’ll point out objects with your free hand that isn’t holding Yuuji’s, telling him what the objects are called in your language

Yuuji is surprisingly a very quick learner! He has struggles with grammar, but he’s very good at learning the Vocab

Your proudest moment tho was when Yuuji stubbed his toe on his bed and Sukuna must have felt it to,

Cause as Itadori was yelping Sukuna locked through Itadori’s cheek, and cussed in your language 💀

Itadori loves it when you help other people, cause it reminds him of how selfless and kind you are

Yet it just bothers him when other guys talk to you

Especially if they seem to be into you...making you laugh and smile, and they’re giving you that one “look” that kinda hints at their real motives in talking to you

And he’s just like - The hell bro I’m right here.

The worst part is that he really doesn’t know what your saying...sure, he can pick up a few words now but not able to piece the conversation together

Sukuna is calling him a “spineless imbecile” in his head and finding this whole situation hilarious as hell

He doesn’t like looking jealous, but once he knows 100% certain you’re getting hit on he intervenes quick

Usually he knows cause if your body language-you just look less into the cinversation, your body language shrinks in to protect yourself, and you laughs turn to uncomfortable chuckles

He quickly swoops in, loving how relieved you look as he wraps his arms around your shoulder, pulling you against you chest

“Thanks for talking to my girlfriend, but we will be going now,” he states plainly, his voice wounding kind yet eyes shooting our venom at the dude

But the amazing thing he said all that in your language

Proud ass moment 🥺🥺🥺🥺

He’s gonna act so indifferent

Like language skills? Okay cool to know 😐

Literally so bland about it like-

“Youre bilingual? Cool.”

Don’t let that fool you tho, this guy is kinda freaking out inside

Cause why was he so attracted to you speaking another language? Why does he want to learn it now? Maybe he should, right? Would it be wierd if he didn’t-

Hoenstly, he’s overthinking it 💀

His favorite thing is when you cuss in your language, he hoenstly finds it super funny

But jokes on him cause now he’s cursing in your language too 💀

Likes it when he has his head in your lap as you play with his hair, and hear you practice your language

The dude will literally hold up your phone/flashcards so you can play with his hair and study

Soemtiems he gets too comfy tho and falls asleep

Once he dropped your phone on his face and he a huge bruise right on the bridge of his nose 💀

First time he heard you talk in your language was when you were in Tokyo, in a mission together by yourselves

And this tourist came up to you guys who was obviously lost-

And you just whipped out this new language like it was nothing

Megumi has never been more confused-cause you never told him about knowing another language, like the hell did this come from?

Suddenly his cheeks are getting red cause wait why do you sound so hot?

Like all that shit he told Aoi about liking women with an “unshakable character” went out the damn window

He’s type now is being multilingual 💀

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

None of these characters or shows are my own, only the storylines and narratives I create are mine. Copying, stealing, plagiarizing, rewording, or using my storylines in other media, claiming to be your own, or reposting without my consent is not allowed.

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bansheeoftheforest · 3 years

Note

Well, my wifi is not back, and wont be anytime soon. The very earliest luckiest would be getting it back by Tuesday (unlikely). The very worst my house burns down so theres that /lh /hj

This sucks so much because I really cannot read asks I dont see in real time, I have the same amount of reading comprehension for them as I do Frankenstein XD

Dm me links to any important syndicate asks I miss while I'm gone 👍

Bannnnnn I tried to draw the Jekyll brothers but Kent? Is inconsistent? The database (what I use) showd him as a clean shaven guy with a bit messy hair but google is showing Kent as a completely different model? Neat hair, Brokenshire beard. Like it's the ingame "identify" zoom in and I cant check whats right before I already killed himmmm

Anyway here art <3. I know I said I'd draw the DTIYS first but art inspiration is stored in the Syndicate au <3

Also I've been thimking about Henry wearing a mask +plus ponytail to hide his identity like for the past two days. Yknow those theater masks? The weeping and laughing? He wears the sad one while in the Blighters and Templars and the happy one while in the Rooks because hes a dramatic theater nerd. Also! I like to think that if Jekyll has to be a templar he'd still wear the Blighter uniform when he could and pretend hes not high ranking. He gets away with it because Crawford doesn't care about him and Roth lives for chaos

I also drew Henry in a mask and ponytail but it's not done yet 😔

Also I did the math the the twins are 3 years older than Jekyll. Like thank goodness first of all because I fully went into ship entirely unaware on if there were canon ages or a scary difference. But also Jacob being 3 years older than Henry is kinda funny to me

All of Evie's outfits (besides her default) are bad and I'm gonna fist fight the designers because the secrets of london (where I only searched the locations of 3) is so bad, especially with the effort needed. How did they do Jacob so good, but utterly fail with Evie /lh

NOOOOOOO D: Man, I really hope you will get it back asap, and also that your house don't burn down!!

Man, if I don't know your struggle rn. However I shall do my best to link you to every syndicate ask that I will get from here on out bc I don't tend to get small asks for that au so <3

Huh-- oh wow you're right. I wonder if it is a set design or just a bit on random depending on the save file... I killed him a long ass time ago so I have absolutely no idea how he looked like <3

EITHER WAY OH MY GOD IT LOOKS AAMZING. I love??? How you gave all three individual personalities in just a single picture??? Kent looks like he is seconds away from murder and I LOVE Henry in the templar outfit, it fits him so well??? Man I really want to start thinking more of this branch. Would the entire Jekyll family be Templars so the trio got that role inherited? Are Raphael and Kent unidentical twins and Henry is the odd-one-out because he is the youngest? Were the three of them really close in Scotland, but left as soon as possible bc their family was abusive, only for Kent and Raphael to find refuge in the Templar Order while Henry goes to university? Would they still have that brotherly love if they were close as kids even when they are in the Order, or would they have a falling out and start despising each other (or Jekyll @ the older brothers at least)? Would Raphael and Kent secretly be protective of Henry and manage to keep him out of Starrick's line-of-sight so that Henry won't get in trouble for defying orders/ignoring them? Would they force Henry to join the Templars with threats or would Henry mostly feel obligated to join them? Since the Templar Order isn't illegal in London, would other people know that Jekyll is a Templar, or would he keep it hidden from the public? Would his brothers help hide his identity?? SO many questions and I'm so sad I won't be able to discuss them with you :'c

(also can I just say I love the poetic differences between their clothing. Raphael is just wearing a waistcoat/basic clothes and he is a brute and more open, Kent is wearing more clothes/layering up and he is the "brains" out of the two of them, Jekyll is wearing the most layers and is almost trying to hide himself and I just... *chief's kiss*)

Henry being a dramatic theater nerd and stealing Roth's costume supplies to hide his identity bc he is so ashamed of it and doesn't want people he knows to know about it my beloved <3 Plus the blighter uniforms doesn't look too far off of what he normally wears so he could probably use that as an excuse whenever some other Templar gets up his ass about not wearing the right clothes, yet it still doesn't make Henry feel any better knowing he has to bear the knowledge that he is actively wearing discreet blighter clothes to keep the Order happy and the public oblivious, knowing what cause he is reluctantly supporting. (him joining the rooks and suddenly coming into the Society all dressed in green lol)

Anyways I have now also decided that Maxwell and Henry are friends bc they both hate the Templars and Crawford and Henry gets to star in many of the plays he sets up. Plus they are both slightly insane so they match each other good.

YKNOW WHAT I WAS DAYDREAMING ABOUT WHILE BRUSHING MY TEETH RIGHT AFTER THIS ASK? Jekyll being forced to be the one to murder his brothers and the twins trying to track the murderer down just to know who tf are killing their targets, conveniently at the same time Maxwell starts meeting Jacob. Henry watching Jacob from afar getting smitten by him but keeping a distance bc he knows Maxwell is possessive, Jacob being the first to befriend Henry after Maxwell explains that both of them are against the Templars and Crawford, Jacob saving Henry during the fire of the theater? Yes pls <3

Thank god bc here I was imagining an age gap of like idk 15 years bc of the differences in the timeline but! I'm just going to keep the canonical age difference while also shoot the timeline up a lil so that the events of Syndicate and TGS takes place at the same time but they are the right age and stuff, just bc I do not like Evie's and Jacob's older designs and I do not want to imagine them meeting during the Ripper dlc <3 Also the thought of Jacob being older than Henry is funny. I think Henry has a type /j

They are so fucking bad and I'm going to scourage the Nexus to see if I can find any good redesign mods because they are so fucking bad. But to be fair, all female main characters' outfits are bad. Pearl? Lucy Thorne? Mfs looks like vampires. Even more reasons for why I only play Jacob, bc all other outfits on Evie are bad <3

#ask #darling-dolly-darlene #syndicate crossover au #banshees au #banshees faves

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julemmaes · 4 years

Note

Hey, I really enjoy "Love her like she should be loved" and I was wondering if you'll update it soon? Like.. I've been looking at A03 page everyday waiting, no rush tho. Have a good day!

You’re Not Alone (3)

Cassian and Nesta Archeron modern au

A/N: I know yall always tell me not to be sorry, but I AM AND I CAN’T HELP IT. I’m sorry I made you wait sooo fucking long for this, but I’m kinda struggling with things rn and I really hate it so yeah, hope you can understand that.

Also, this didn’t went as good as I thought, but I took inspiration from what I think would go down with people I know in real life in a situation like this and I really hope it makes sense for you too. Enjoy!:)

part one, part two

Word count: 6,665

Nesta had responded to Feyre's message the next morning with a simple 'Okay, we can meet for dinner tonight.' and then invited the entire group to her house.

When she warned Cassian that he would have to go grocery shopping for everyone, he was shocked for a moment, looking at her carefully and trying to figure out if she was joking.

"Are you serious?" he asked her, taking a seat at the table and holding the cup of warm milk in his hands.

Nesta arched an eyebrow, throwing a glance over her shoulder, "What?"

Cassian had to tell himself to calm down, because the anger he had managed to repel all night was surfacing again. Not at Nesta, but at Rhysand, Morrigan. "I understand that you want to settle things with your sisters and..." he stammered, "and the others, but invite them here for dinner. Are you sure it won't end badly and that it won't contaminate this safe space?"

Nesta had stopped washing the dishes and although she had her back turned, he knew that her eyes were closed. Cassian stiffened, ready to stand up in case she needed physical comfort. The girl closed the faucet and turned towards him, taking a deep breath, "Tonight will not be easy," she announced.

Cassian nodded as he finished his breakfast and stood up, "I know it won't be easy, that's why I worry," he moved her from her position in front of the sink and put his cup in it, "If tonight goes poorly and you feel overwhelmed, you won't be able to go back to your house in a quiet and peaceful place and calm down." he took to washing the dishes for her, looking down at her face.

"I know, Cass." she passed her hand through her hair sighing, untangling it. She looked at him in turn, looking for confirmation, "But if I let them in here, maybe they will think that I'm really trying to apologize and that I want things to work out." she took one hand to her lips, biting the edge of her nail.

Cassian put the last cutlery in the dishwasher and took her wrist, taking her hand away from her mouth and bringing it to his, before leaving a kiss on her palm. Nesta smiled at him, but that happiness lasted only a few seconds because she grew grim, closing her eyes, "I'm afraid of messing everything up".

"I know, sweetheart." he whispered to her, "I'm afraid too."

She opened her eyes, frowning.

"I'm afraid that Rhys will be so blinded by hatred that he won't hear anything we say." he began, "I'm afraid that Mor will say things that - even if they are not true - will find a way to get under your skin."

Nesta leaned towards him, taking both hands to his chest, "I'm afraid that Elain will understand and that Feyre won't." she murmured, "I'm afraid that they will fight because of me. I'm terrified that this will affect Rhysand and Feyre's relationship more than I can imagine."

Cassian took a deep breath. He hadn't thought about that.

"Listen to me," he took her face in his hands, Nesta looked him straight in the eye, "both your sisters and my family are adults. We're not talking to children. We're talking to people who can think logically and who know what it means to be mentally ill."

She hesitated for a long moment and then nodded with conviction before shaking her head vehemently. She took a trembling breath and Cassian saw the moment Nesta's insecurities appeared on the surface when her eyes became lucid.

She slipped away from his touch, giving him her shoulders and leaning against the island. She was taking deep and quick breaths.

Cassian knew he didn't have to touch her when she was having an anxiety attack, but that didn't stop him from going near her and trying to calm her down. He spoke to her softly, but firmly, "I know it's scary Nesta. I know it's not easy, but you're not alone." he clenched his hands when her breath broke and the instinct to take her in his arms became overwhelming.

"You are not alone and whatever happens tonight we can stop. Whether it's when they arrive and they're still outside the door or it's halfway through dinner, you can get up and leave the room." she still had her eyes closed and a few tears were streaming down her cheeks. "You just have to look at me and I will understand Nes. I will send them away. You don't have to worry about that."

Nesta put a hand on her chest. "Breathe sweetheart. Focus on my voice."

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

"What if they all start to turn against me?" she asked in a voice so weak that it broke his heart.

Cassian tightened his jaw, knowing full well that this could be one of many options, "If they even dare to gang up on you, I'll take care of it. I'm not lying when I say that you are not alone."

Nesta held her breath, pressing the back of her hand over her cheeks. Then she nodded once and turned towards him. "I am not alone." she repeated like a prayer.

"You are not alone."

He held her in his arms when she threw herself at him and swung into her kitchen for another twenty minutes before they both had to leave to go to class.

During the morning Cassian had tried to concentrate as much as possible on what the teachers had explained, but as he could well imagine, there had been no way to follow a single lesson. Every single thought he had was focused on the dinner that would take place that evening.

Around lunchtime, Nesta had warned him that there would be six of them. Azriel and Amren would not be there.

He hadn't commented on this choice. After all, he knew that it would already be very complicated to talk to her sisters, with the fact that Morrigan and Rhysand would also be there. Cassian felt slightly relieved that they would not have to endure the enigmatic silence of his older brother and the mocking looks of his friend. He would have thought about it another day to set the record straight with the two of them.

He left campus at five o'clock and very slowly walked to his car. He arrived downtown half an hour later and sat in the supermarket parking lot for a long time, his hands tight around the steering wheel and his eyes fixed onto the void, too deep in his thoughts.

He would not have been able to hold back that night, if Rhysand had even tried to say anything negative or if he had tried to minimize Nesta's problems. He did not know if he would be able to stop if he crossed the line.

He ran his hand over his face, taking a deep breath and breaking that trance he had been in for what seemed like centuries.

Luckily he only had to buy a few things. He had almost finished - he was looking for olives for the Greek salad and couldn't find them in any of the aisles - when his phone rang. The ringtone was not the personalized one he used for Nesta and he didn't bother to answer it quickly.

He frowned when he saw that it was Mor, but brought the phone to his ear nonetheless, accepting the call, "Hello?".

"Where are you?"

Cassian looked around confused, "At the mall, why?"

"And are you with Nesta?"

"No, she's home."

He heard Mor mumbling something and then huffing, "Understood, well, couldn't you tell your sweetheart to open the door to the house for us?" she asked exasperated.

The blood froze in Cassian's veins, "Why are you already there?" he asked as he walked towards the cashiers, hurrying up shortly afterwards. He removed the phone from his ear, looking at the time, "Mor, it's half past six, why the hell are you already there?".

He heard his friend's indignation even through the phone, "Don't use that tone with me, I didn't show up here earlier out of spite-" she was interrupted by someone, presumably Rhysand, who warned her by saying her name. She huffed, "Nesta told us to come at this time."

Cassian cursed under his breath and hurried to put all the things on the tape, remaining silent while thinking which way would be the fastest to get to Nesta's house.

"Cassian?”

He passed the money to the cashier, waiting for the change before answering, "Yes, Mor, I'm still here".

"So?"

"Did you ring?" he asked, running towards the parking lot.

"Do you think we are brainless? Of course we rang the doorbell!" Cassian thought at that very moment that if Mor hadn't dropped the attitude by the time dinner arrived, he would have pulled her hair out one by one.

"I'll call you back in ten minutes," he told her, throwing the bags in the back seats and letting the food fall out.

"Ten minutes?" asked the blonde in a distraught tone, "I'm not going to wait that long just because that bitc-" movement was heard through the speaker and Cassian had to refrain from yelling at Morrigan. A few seconds later, he heard Feyre's voice, "No problem Cass, we're going for a drive around here and we'll be back in ten minutes, please text me when you're there."

Cassian thanked her, praying to every god on earth that others would be as forgiving as she was during dinner. He quickly typed in Nesta's number and drove out of the parking lot, focusing more on what he would want to say to Mor than on the street.

She didn't answer immediately and Cassian had to call her back twice, starting to worry that Nesta had changed her mind at last and that something serious had happened. When she answered on the fourth call, he released a relieved laugh.

"What is it Cass? I was taking a shower," she said irritated, "You interrupted the music eighty times," she mumbled annoyed.

Cassian put his hand over his mouth, "Hey baby, listen," he started, going straight to the point, "what time did you say everybody was coming?"

"At 7:30, why?" she asked and he could imagine her naked in the middle of the bathroom with a frown on her face.

"I think you wrote the message with the wrong time then. Mor called me and they are all there already. They buzzed a couple of times, you must not have heard them because of the music."

Silence.

"Nesta?"

"Fuck, no." she breathed through the microphone. "I can't let them up, tell them I'm not at home." she said in a hurry, "I can't be alone with them. I need you here while I do it. I need you here while I'm doing it."

"Calm down Nes, I already asked them to go for a ride. I'm in the car and I'm on my way."

"Are you driving?" she asked in the tone of one who seemed to have forgotten everything that had just happened. He didn't answer, knowing full well that he was going to kick his ass. "God, how many times have I told you not to talk on the phone while driving?"

"We're not having this conversation again." he snorted, turning right to take the highway, "Would you send a message to Feyre saying you made a mistake and the appointment was supposed to be in an hour?"

Nesta hesitated and then asked quietly, "Can't you do it?"

"You just yelled at me because I'm on the phone with you while behind the wheel and you want me to write a message?"

"You could pull over," she asked.

Cassian knew where all that anxiety was coming from and asking her to do something that would stress her even more on a day like this would be bad. He swelled her cheeks and released all the air and then nodded, "Alright, see you in ten."

"Pull over, though, don't text while you're driving."

"Yeah yeah, don't worry."

"I swear Cassian that if they call me from the hospital-"

"They won't," he reassured her, chuckling, "See you in a bit."

He put down the call with Nesta and called Feyre back, warning her that there had been a misunderstanding and that they would not be ready for at least another hour. The girl had reassured him that there were no problems, but despite Feyre's various attempts to mask Mor's offenses, Cassian had heard them anyway.

He arrived at Nesta's apartment in a very short time and as soon as he entered the house, she was all over him. The bags full of food fell from his hands when he had to hold Nesta to his chest to avoid falling backwards.

He breathed in her hair, rubbing his hands on her back in relaxing circles, "Hello beautiful".

"You haven't even looked me in the face yet," she murmured against his chest in a muffled voice. He snickered, "I don't need to see you to know that you are beautiful."

When they broke off to kiss Cassian felt that she was hesitant.

He put his hand on her cheek, "Are you sure you want to do this tonight?"

She closed her eyes, relishing in the moment, "Cassian, as much as I love you, tonight I need you to tell me that I'm ready and not give me a way out every time we talk."

He nodded, frowned and put on a fake tough-guy-expression, imitating the voice of his high school coach, "What are you hugging me for, woman? Tonight you have to be strong and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I should have let your sisters in and let the wolves eat you alive."

Nesta pushed him slightly, with a grimace on her face, "Stupid." she whispered.

He gave her a sincere smile, moving a lock of hair from her face, "What do you say you start cooking something so I can take a shower without the terror of you running away and as soon as I get out of here I help you finish?" he suggested, taking off his jacket and taking the groceries to the kitchen, Nesta just tailed him. She answered affirmatively and after leaving a kiss on her lips, he ran to the bathroom.

When he came out, washed and combed, it was quarter past seven and Nesta had set the table in the small living room. The Greek salad without olives was in the center, next to the keftedes she had prepared during the day. Cassian really did not know with what desire and spirit she had cooked all that good food for people who had always hated her.

He entered the kitchen when Nesta took the moussaka out of the oven, also result of her afternoon spent cooking and Cassian started to cut the bread and put it together with the various cheeses and cold cuts he had bought.

Nesta wasn't talking, but he saw it in the way she was jerking and looking around frantically that her nerves were about to explode. When the oven timer rang, Nesta almost screamed and Cassian had to stop what he was doing and went towards her, grabbing her by the shoulders, "Look at me."

Nesta looked at him immediately.

"Talk to me." he whispered to her.

She remained silent, so he gave her a hand in starting the conversation, "When are you going to tell them?"

"Tonight."

Cassian chuckled, "Obviously," she sighed, "I meant at what point. Before dinner, during, after?" he asked confidently so as to pass on some of that comfort. He also knew that, for her, having a plan of action, whether it was for dinner or a vacation, was very important and took away a lot of the anxiety that these things brought on her.

She straightened her shoulders, "I don't have the slightest idea, I thought doing it before, maybe with a glass of wine, would be better, but then I thought that if it goes wrong they will leave before we can eat and then we would have to eat Greek for days and not that I mind, but I don't think it's the best for our diet, you know. " she looked him dead in the eye while she was blathering on, clasping her hands around his forearms, "Then I thought about doing it during dinner, but if we start yelling at each other-" "They won't go that far, I promise you." "You don't know that. If we start yelling at each other and then someone chokes on the food, we risk one of us suffocating and dying. And I would like to avoid that." Cassian laughed at that point. Nesta looked at him very badly, "And afterwards, we might as well do it, but afterwards they are more likely to leave earlier, because maybe they think they'd done their part and had dinner with me, they apologize, I apologize and then they leave and I don't have time to explain myself."

Cassian raised an eyebrow, "So you want to do it first?"

"I don't want to eat Greek for a week, I've made so much that we could feed an army."

"During dinner seems the best moment honestly." he confessed to her, tearing her hands from his arms, taking the souvlaki and putting them in the oven. Nesta thanked him quietly. "I mean, we could approach the topic at any time, doing it between one piece of spanakotiropita and the other shouldn't be too complicated."

Nesta was about to answer when the doorbell rang and she froze on the spot.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit."

Cassian wanted to open the door and send everyone away, because Nesta had started moving in circles and was waving her hands mid-air. He had seen her anxious about a lot of things, but he knew that this would be a decisive point in her life and the idea of the change it would bring - whether positive or negative it would be - was overwhelming.

"Remember sweetheart, the second you want them to leave, you look at me, you wink at me and I'll let you escape." he reminded her, approaching the front door and pushing a button to open the gate of the building. They would be in the house in less than a minute.

Nesta was torturing her hands, but now she had a hard look on her face, "I'm scared shitless of Morrigan," she whispered. Cassian didn't have time to answer because someone knocked and he was forced to open the door.

Feyre gave him a wide smile that didn't reach her eyes and his gaze went from the two Archeron sisters to Rhysand.

He hadn't heard from him that day and hadn't seen him since the night before, when he had screamed at him.

He smiled at him in a strange way, but the younger one seemed to appreciate the gesture anyway because he gave him a lopsided smile in return.

"Hey Cass." Mor said in a tone that promised trouble, "Are you going to let us in, or are you having serious issues with welcoming people into your house too?"

His jaw hardened and Nesta appeared at his side, placing a hand on his arm. The blonde's eyes snapped to the spot where her hand was clutching the fabric of his shirt, "Sorry Morrigan, I didn't hear the doorbell before and I made a typo, I didn't think your life depended on the hour I made you lose. And I didn't think you'd be interested in coming here and watching me cook, I'll take that into account next time."

Mor nodded once, clutching her hands on the bag. The two women stared into each other's eyes for eternal moments, until Elain cleared her voice, "Hello Nes."

Things seemed to lighten up and when Cassian stepped aside, letting Rhysand and Mor in as the three sisters hugged, the group split up and the tension in the air seemed to get heavier.

Cassian had no idea how he should behave.

"This way." he pointed in the direction of the living room and when he turned to see if they were following him, Rhys handed him a bottle of wine, his lips reduced to a thin line and his shoulders tense.

"Here," he muttered, and Cassian was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't the only one struggling, "Nesta told us not to bring anything, but it looked bad."

"Oh, yes please, open it," said Mor on the other side of the living room, while analyzing the photos on the shelves. Photos of him and Nesta. Photos that his girlfriend had moved every time her sisters had visited in the last few months.

Cassian looked towards the entrance and saw that Nesta and the others were no longer there, they must have gone to the kitchen. He turned to his friend and she was looking over her shoulder at him, "We're going to need it so badly if she's going to keep that attitude all night long".

Rhys sighed, carrying a hand over his face, "Mor, drop it…"

Cassian raised his hand to stop him, without moving his eyes from the blonde, "No, please continue, that's why we are here."

Mor turned completely towards him, grinding her teeth, "I really don't understand how you can be in a relationship with her." Rhysand stiffened beside him, "Did you see how she replied to me before?" she asked, waving one hand towards the door.

"Oh for fuck's sake," whispered Cassian angrily, "you hadn't even entered the house and had already insulted both me and her. You are not the victim here so stop acting like a child and try to understand where all the resentment comes from."

Mor was about to answer, but Elain had just entered the living room and Rhysand had cleared his throat before he took his seat. Mor did the same thing, followed by Elain and Feyre. Cassian shook his head and headed into the kitchen.

Nesta was looking at the pans with the various foods inside, clenching and opening her fists, which made Cassian's chest tighten. He had gone into the room with the intention of telling her that he would not be able to hold back if Mor continued like that, to warn her that if he exploded, it would not be her fault, but now that he saw her so agitated all his attention had turned to her.

"How are you?" he asked her, putting his hand on the small of her back. He kissed her temple.

Nesta turned towards him, taking a deep breath and releasing all the air. She did it one more time. The third time, Cassian breathed with her.

She nodded and took one of the pans, he opened the bottle of wine, took a second pan and returned to the living room.

Elain and Mor sat at the head of the table and Rhysand and Feyre on one of the sides, leaving the seats in front of them free for Cassian and Nesta.

The woman of the house laid the food on the table, asking those present to pass her the plates and what and how much food they wanted. Cassian sat down and poured the wine to Mor, who sat next to him. She gave him a hard smile and thanked him. Then he turned to Feyre and she shook her head, "No, thank you, I would rather not drink tonight."

Elain chuckled, "Wise choice, you were a little out of it this morning."

Rhysand gave her a big smile, "One of the worst hangovers ever, actually."

Nesta stiffened to those words, looking at her younger sister, "Sorry, if I'd known you were sick, I'd have arranged for another night."

Feyre seemed appalled for a moment, but she blinked briefly and was quick to reassure her, "Oh no, don't worry. I've taken something for my headache, and I feel better."

They began to eat in silence and Cassian was too tense and worried not to glance at Mor to really taste the food or start a conversation, but Rhysand seemed to be particularly appreciative, because he was making satisfied noises, "Nesta, this is so good. What is it?" he looked at her face for a moment and Cassian was sure that he was blushing because he bent his head down and kept eating.

"It's moussaka." answered Elain, smiling.

Nesta seemed surprised, "It's a Greek dish, our father loved Greek cuisine and this is one of the recipes he did most often."

"Well, kudos." Rhysand told her, then he turned his glaring gaze to Feyre, "I'm pretty sure you could never cook something like that."

Feyre seemed more uncomfortable than the others, not because of what her boyfriend had said, more because of the situation in general, but she didn't miss an opportunity to brazenly reply, "As if you can do better than me. We both suck and without Elain or Azriel we would have been dead long ago. Probably both buried under boxes and boxes of take-away food."

Elain laughed and Nesta dared what seemed to be a smile.

They joked for a few more minutes and at one point Cassian had relaxed so much that he even managed to laugh at one of Rhysand's jokes. Morrigan seemed to be dead next to him, but he couldn't even look at her and felt her look burn on the skin of his neck.

When the appetizers were finished and the firsts were brushed off the table, the silence spread between the chairs and the tension in the air came back, without announcing its arrival, heavier than before.

"Excuse me," said Mor suddenly, when the silence became too much, she looked at Nesta, "The bathroom?"

Nesta looked at her in turn and Cassian really thought she would not answer her, but then she murmured, "Second door on the right." pointing to the corridor and he relaxed. Mor thanked her, nothing grateful in that tone.

Cassian shifted his gaze to his brother, but Rhysand had his eyes on Nesta. The man cleared his voice, drawing everyone's attention to himself, and narrowed his eyes, "I wanted to apologize, Nesta."

She stopped, placing the fork on the napkin and nodding once.

"I'm..." he coughed, embarrassed, shifting his gaze to Feyre and bringing it back to her immediately afterwards, "I'm sure Cassian told you what happened last night."

Nesta put her hands on her legs and Cassian took the opportunity to hold her hand. The movement did not go unnoticed by the two sisters, who exchanged a glance. "Yes, he told me what happened. Not in detail though."

Rhysand swallowed noisily, "I had no idea you were sick."

So he would have gone straight to the point.

Cassian settled down in the chair, squeezing his fingers around Nesta's.

"You never cared enough about me to ask, it's understandable that you didn't know," she replied, "You never really tried to get to know me."

His tone became harsher, "Considering how you behaved the first times we all went out together and how you always treated everyone in our group, you should not be surprised."

"Rhys." Feyre warned him. He looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"It's true," he said, turning to Nesta, "You've never given me a chance to really get to know you over the years."

Cassian could see how Nesta's walls were coming up faster than ever. The threat now so concrete that even a gust of wind could have knocked them down and made them weak.

"That's because you never tried to understand my motives, but you stopped at the description that my sister probably gave you." Nesta replied, in an equally harsh tone.

Elain seemed to whimper at the head of the table and cast a worried look at Cassian. He told her silently without speaking that they would not intervene.

Feyre leaned forward, her hands intertwined in front of her on the table, "But Nesta, you must understand that you have never really behaved well with me. You've always treated me as if I were worth nothing."

"I never thought that, and I certainly never said that. I think you are one of the most wonderful people in the world and an equally good artist." then she turned to Elain, "The same goes for you."

"And why did you treat me like that all those years after dad died?" insisted Feyre.

A door at the end of the corridor closed, and a few seconds later Mor appeared, sitting with her back upright, sensing the air.

"Because you weren't the only one to lose your parents, Feyre," said Nesta. By now her eyes had become ice. Elain gasped at those words and reached out to her older sister, but she remained hanging mid-air. "You may not remember our mother, but I do. I lost her and I lost dad on the same day," she said, gritting her teeth. "Just because we reacted differently to the mourning doesn't mean I was okay and capable of taking care of you."

Feyre caught her breath and Nesta resumed, "When dad died, there was nothing of the man I had known for half my life, but the loss was double."

"I never knew..." whispered Elain.

Nesta turned to her, "I never wanted to put this burden on you. I could have handled it on my own. Just as I was sure that you too could have done just fine without me," she whispered, "And so it turned out."

Cassian stroked the palm of her hand.

"I'm sorry for giving you the impression that I didn't care about you, for making you believe that you are not a vital part of my life, but I was young and full of anger and rather than dump everything on you I preferred to keep it all inside and maybe I did more damage than good, but my intention was never to hurt you, Feyre, or Elain," said Nesta, with gleaming eyes.

Mor snorted, "You know, people normally go to therapy for these things."

Cassian took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

Nesta tilted her head to the side, looking at the blonde, "I've been in therapy for months now."

Elain brought a hand to her mouth, looking at Cassian, "You didn't tell us."

He had to clear his voice before he spoke, "It wasn't my place."

Feyre looked at him with her mouth slightly wide open. Rhysand had a thoughtful expression, but he too was staring at his brother.

"And I'd really like to know what your real problem is with me. Because I really can't understand what I've done to you," Nesta asked, looking sincerely confused.

Mor looked at Cassian, looked at his plate, "I don't think you are enough for him."

Cassian couldn't stand it any longer and pulling his hand away from Nesta's grip he turned his whole body to the blonde, "And why should that be any of your business?

Mor gave him a fiery look, "Because I'm your friend and I want what's best for you," she clarified, pointing to Rhysand and Feyre with a painted finger, "When the two of them got together, Feyre was friendly, sociable and never offended anyone in the group-"

"When has Nesta ever directly offended one of you?" Cassian asked exasperatedly, raising his arms to the sky. The girl remained silent, shifting her gaze between the two lovers. Cassian scoffed, "You can't even find an example. God, you're ridiculous." he ran a hand through his hair.

"Ridiculous?" cried Mor, "I'm not the one who has been hiding her relationship for months from her whole family out of fear."

Cassian stood up, raising his voice, "And don't you think that fear is because of the way you are reacting now that I would have preferred to keep it hidden for a longer period of time?!"

Mor was also standing now, "If you had told me before-"

"No!" he shouted, "No! Nothing would have changed. And it's not because you believe that Nesta is a bitch, no! It's because you're always so busy involving everyone in your going-outs and your parties and your bullshit that you don't realize that some people don't like these kinds of pastimes!" he was talking so loud that a vein popped in his neck, "Sometimes I just want to stay home and sleep, but with you it's impossible! Because you always have to force everyone. And now you've finally found someone to stand up to you and say no and you can't stand it."

Mor seemed to be shaking with anger, "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't?" Cassian asked laughing, no trace of amusement in the sound, "Have you ever let Azriel decide whether to stay home or not? Have any of us ever said no to you?"

Mor shook her head, not to answer, but shocked by the turn the conversation had taken, "And why do you think so?"

"Cassian, maybe you should sit and drink some water and calm down," Rhysand suggested, looking him in the eye. He didn't even bother to let him know that he had heard it.

"Nesta doesn't bitch to you and avoid you because she's a bad person, but because talking to you means accepting that you have a busy schedule that you don't want to have for the next two months and instead of saying no every time she prefers not to have connections at all" he concluded sighing and throwing himself in the chair.

Nesta rubbed a hand on his back and he closed his eyes.

Fuck.

He had spoken for her.

He shouldn't have.

They remained silent for a few seconds.

"Mor, I," Cassian resumed, in a much calmer and lower tone than before, "I didn't mean all those things, I'm just angry right now and I exaggerated."

"No, don't worry, I understand what you mean." whispered Mor, passing one hand over her shiny eyes, "I'll try not to invite you anymore when I want to cheer someone up."

Fuck.

Cassian knew very well that Morrigan's festive and witty attitude was the reason why they were all so close. All the adventures, all the laughter and the memories... they owed it to her.

"That's not-" he cursed, looking into her eyes, "I'm just trying to say that you don't have compatible personalities, but just because you like to have fun in a different way doesn't mean that Nesta isn't worthy of me or that she's a bad person just because she never went dancing with you."

Morrigan didn't answer, he stood in front of everyone and, surprising everyone, it was Nesta who resumed the conversation, "I've been really bad in the last few months, Mor."

The blonde sat back down, hands in her lap.

"I've been sick and the only person I had next to me was Cassian. I got to know him in these months, I found out what a great person he is and how much he is willing to give for those he loves," she looked at her sisters and Rhysand, back to Mor, "So I understand you perfectly right now. I understand that you're scared and you think that sooner or later I'm going to do something wrong and hurt him, but even if I do, I can assure you that the person I'm going to hurt the most is going to be me."

Cassian looked at her and the tip of his nose started to pinch. He bit his lip. He would not cry.

"I'm working hard to be a version of myself that doesn't scare me and that my sisters can recognize and I can't blame you if you don't know me, because I don't know myself either." she also turned to Rhysand, to whom she had just told practically the opposite.

"Cassian is my lifeline right now and I am willing to let my guard down for you if you are willing to respect my boundaries." she murmured, "I know this doesn't fix things and that your idea of me is still very confused, but I am really willing to give you some of my time to patch things up."

Feyre sniffed, reaching over the table towards Nesta, "Please forgive me."

Nesta smiled genuinely, "I'm sorry too, Feyre."

The younger sister got up from her chair and went around the table, surprising Cassian when she bent over Nesta to hug her. Elain smiled at her from where she sat and stood up a moment later, joining in the embrace.

"To-" Nesta resumed when Feyre and Elain broke away, "To explain a little bit why I act the way I do. I have problems, serious problems interacting with people," she murmured, picking at her nails, "Sometimes I do things I don't want to do just to regret it right away and I know it's no excuse for all the times I've been grumpy, but that's why it happens."

Rhysand cleared his throat for the ninth time, "I've been in therapy too. For several years," he confessed.

Cassian gave him a grateful smile.

"So, I know you have Cassian, and I'm sure your therapist is more than qualified for this kind of thing, but if you ever need another set of ears, you could..." he backed off, thinking maybe he was crossing one of those boundaries Nesta had just talked about, "I mean, if you need something, you can always ask."

"Same thing." Elain added, approaching her, "I may not understand half of it, but I want to be there if you let me."

Nesta nodded, more serious than ever. "Thank you."

Cassian came forward, "Thank you for talking to us sweetheart."

Mor got up in a flash, "Thank you Nesta. Cassian." she turned to the others. The look lost in the air as she gathered her things, "It was a pleasure, and the food was great."

"Mor..." Cassian stood up, "Wait."

His friend turned to him, clenching her fists, "I think I need some time. These are not things that are quickly assimilated," she told him with all the sincerity of the world.

"I understand that and I don't take it personally Morrigan. I can't assure you I'll be pleasant, but if you have any questions I'll try to answer them." Nesta intercepted, before Cassian could make the situation he had already created with the blonde worse.

Rhysand had got up and stood next to his cousin, "Do you want me to drive you home?"

She shook her head and her eyes became shiny. For Cassian it was like receiving a punch in the chest.

Feyre took a deep breath, "Actually I think we should all go." she murmured, "It's been a heavy conversation and I've learned a lot tonight and I think I need a seven-day nap before I can even have a conversation about art again."

That joke got a light laugh out of the whole group.

"You don't need to come with me, I can go by myself." worried Mor, shaking her head when Elain got up and started to get dressed.

Feyre shook her head in turn, "I repeat, I think I'm going to faint and I really need a few moments alone to think about everything too."

Rhysand put his arm around her waist and squeezed her.

Cassian bid his brother goodnight, hugging him and thanking him from the bottom of his heart for coming and listening without creating too many problems.

As soon as everyone was out of the apartment, Nesta burst into tears and Cassian said nothing as he held her to his chest, stroking her hair.

They hadn't gone into details and maybe they weren't on the same page yet, but they would have worked to get there.

It was a start.

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allywritesforfun · 2 years

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hello! i really like what you write, are you currently working on something? ><> if so, good luck and im pretty sure it’ll turn out just great! :D

ooh i love posting ss of fics that aren’t done yet!

this a ss from a multi chapter victuuri i’ve been working on! it’s no where near done and has about a chapter and a half done and beta read by em. i also took some time to write a very rough draft of a victuuri oneshot to get some more practice in

as you see it’s even more rough than the longer fic, i was just trying to get the idea down before it left me

me and @graymoon2 have been struggling through this suga fic because im sick rn and i was like “damn i wanna write a suga fic” and i realized i know nothing ab his character and now it’s me and em fanfirling over him.

and ofc there’s that karma, asano, reader long fic that’s been in the back of my head. the outline is almost done for that one

i’ve been doing a lot of editing and beta reading other people fics. i’m starting to learn i love beta reading and making suggestions more than writing my own fics! it’s kinda scary to think ab, but the three works i have going on right now are gonna blow you all away! this is the hardest i’ve ever worked on fics before!

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