#but its making me face some things i've avoided my whole life

[indigopoptart]

Hello! Sorry to bother you but I just wanted to say that I absolutely loved the Stamps fanfic you made! I've been binge reading it and it's been such a wild ride!! Do you know if you'll be updating it any further? I really want a happy ending for the lovelies, barnaby and howdy aswell! Thanks for reading my message and have a great day! ^w^

hello hello!! you are not a bother!! im actually kinda glad you asked this bc ive been meaning to address it.

(redraw of an old ch12 doodle!)

anyway…

The future of STAMPS: (be aware this may contain some spoilers)

what happened with stamps happened because i got. kinda slapped in the face with some life events that dragged my mental health and motivation down. since then, the fic’s been on. an abrupt hiatus😭. ive had very bad writers block since then, but stamps is absolutely something i want to return back to. HOWEVER: because of things we have learned in the story, i will be changing some key plot points—specifically the laughingstock debacle, envelope colors, characterizations, and specific scenes/aspects in the story that range from major to minor. Because of this, the fic will either go through multiple major edits, or even an entire rewrite.

as for where this fic will be posted: i will be taking the fic onto tumblr (with doodles + extras on chapters), and squidge. the AO3 fic will be updated up to the most recent chapter edit, however after the newest one comes out, i WILL NOT be posting on AO3. The reasoning for this has to do with the number of zionist volunteers that the company, despite protest, has refused to fire, and even if me posting there generates them no revenue directly or whatsoever, i still do not want to be posting my works onto a platform that has remained complicit and silent in the face of genocide. i have morals.

if AO3 changes its stance, i will consider the platform. but, it probably wont, so i will be avoiding sharing my work on there for a long time.

i want to work on stamps again, i truly do, but just know that it may not update as frequently as it had in the past. i’m a full time university student now!!! on the days i’m not in class im at work!!! i sadly just do not have the time i once did, but with the end of the semester coming up, hopefully i’ll be able to get more out to you guys. just gotta make it through my finals first😭

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if you made it this far, congratulations! you get to see the original doodle from 12 march 2023, a whole year ago!

flashbang😭

#indigo’s art #frank frankly #wally darling #STAMPS fanfiction #my art #digital art #welcome home #welcome home fanfiction #art #welcomehome #indigo speaks #doodle #sketch #welcome home horror project #boost this! #welcome home fanart #fan art #fanart #ask indigo #welcome home arg

[robntunney]

It's funny, the things that I've been remembering about your mom. Little things from, like, years ago.

#dear edward #taylor schilling #lacey curtis #tvedit #appletvedit #appletvsource #usertelevision #cinemapix #tvarchive #smallscreensource #i made dis #the lighting in this scene was torture #and these really do look like crap #but i had to do it #this show is destroying me #but its making me face some things i've avoided my whole life #which hurts #but i'm trying

[prince-geo]

literally pleased with almost all of the new atla trailer except as per usual, Zuko's scar, idk why studios are so scared to commit to the intensity of the thing, its supposed to be shocking and obvious and textured and the first thing you see... that's the point, Zuko is supposed to struggle with feeling like it defines and brands him before finally coming to the point in his journey where he defines it.

Hollywood/big studios are known to hesitate or straight up avoid properly and honestly and unapologetically showing people with disfigurements/disabilities/facial differences etc. with the realism they deserve. Which is a shame in general for representation and humanization but ESPECIALLY in this case as its minimization actively harms it's narrative purpose as well

I promise making the scar more intense (shrivel up the ear a bit, make it intrude in his hairline, make his eye in a permanent squint due to nerve damage, for god sake REMOVE THE EYEBROW IT WAS BURNED OFF) will not make Zuko "ugly", (the actor is incapable of looking ugly and also the implication that scars make people too unappealing? yikes) but will actually do the character and his journey justice, not to mention really show Ozai's brutality, another essential narrative tool. Especially when he's bald like hello??? It should be even more stark and intense when he doesn't have hair to distract from it and cover his ear!!!

When transitioning from 2D to live action, of course some visuals are up for interpretation but that usually involved ADDING detail because the constraints of having to stay on modeling frame to frame is gone, not minimizing, removing or airbrushing. Doing Zuko's scar right to me is absolutely essential and I'm disappointed they seem just as as scared to go there as I thought they might. It doesn't have to be gory, if you've ever seen burn victims in real life or in pictures or even cosplayers/artists who are skilled in realistic burn makeup you'd know its possible to balance realism with humanity. It's possible especially with their resources to avoid the "scary Halloween makeup" route while not holding back on the brutality of the original injury.

Budget is definitely not an issue, or "scaring the kids" considering this remake is likely aiming to go a lil darker in tone than the cartoon (which was already super dark with its target audience of nickelodeon 7 year olds so no excuses) Audiences SHOULD be unsettled and upset when they see him but not because he's hard/disturbing to look at but because we are human and do not want to imagine someone doing that to a child.

It's a deliberate choice out of the all too common fear/hesitation to allow someone who is destined to eventually become a protagonist and is meant to be sympathized with to be "too ugly" while this hesitation is very rarely applied to straight up villains (again we come back to media's historic villainization of facial deformity). It's a trend that's always ticked me off in fanart too. The boy's face was melted, for gods sake. Zuko was always portrayed as an attractive boy in the cartoon (fire nation girls fawn over him) even with the intensity of his scar which is something I've always admired! People exist with scars similar to Zuko's in real life, and should not only be permitted to be represented as good guys and/or as attractive when their scars are toned down to be "palatable"

Like I said there's more that I loved than didn't love about the trailer, that can be a whole essay on it's own but I needed to get this very specific vent off my chest because it missed the mark so hard and stands out like a sore thumb in comparison to all the other visuals that hit the nail on the head to me

#atla #zuko #avatar the last airbender #atla live action #ozai #dallas liu #my posts #atla wank #rant #atla critical #prince zuko #netflix #netflix atla

[crimson-rain-smoked-flower]

I’m not trying to attack you, but do you know that proshipper means someone who supports and romanticizes pedophilia, incest, and abuse? Your reblog on that post seems to read that you think antis just hate on people for having ships they don’t like. But it’s completely different than that. Just looking on the proshipper side of Tumblr and the internet and you can see people happily shipping children and adults and making nsfw content of such things.

i appreciate that you're not being outright hostile, but i have to say, that on its own put you above basically every anti i've interacted with.

i understand where antis are coming from, i really do. there are a lot of things on the internet that make me deeply uncomfortable, including the minor/adult ships that you mention. i don't want to anything to do with those kinds of ships and i would be happiest if i never saw them again. which is why i'm proship.

nine times out of ten, if i see that kind of ship brought up on my dash, it's because i was following an anti without realizing it, and they brought it up unprompted and untagged, to talk about how bad it is that they exist. they are the ones putting that kind of content in front of my face and making it harder to avoid.

the thing about people who ship those ships is that they're generally very aware that not everyone wants to see that kind of content, and so they tag it. they make sideblogs to talk about it. they don't go out of their way to shove it in people's faces. that means i, and everyone else who doesn't like it, can avoid it.

what antis want is for it to not exist at all. they want the tags to be purged and blocked, and for anyone who uses those tags to have their accounts deleted. and sure, that might get rid of some of it, but do you know what would happen to the rest? it would stop being tagged. people who don't want to see it wouldn't have the tools to avoid it. this isn't just a hypothetical, that's what's happened any time a fan space has tried to do that.

that's not even getting into the rabbit hole of what should be banned and what shouldn't. obviously any content that depicts real children or real life abuse shouldn't exist and shouldn't be allowed to be posted, but basically any platform that people use already enforces those policies, and there's not much of a slippery slope to go down there. if it involves real living breathing people being abused, it's bad. end of discussion.

but the same can't be said for fiction. ask ten antis for a specific list of all the content that should be banned, and you'll get ten different answers. what about kink? what about roleplay? what about horror and murder and anything that involves fictional characters being graphically tortured? what about people using art to process terrible things that have happened to them? what about art that uses dark themes as a horror element? if you just want to ban anything questionable to anyone, that's the line of thinking that gets any mention of lgbt existence banned. and again, this isn't just a hypothetical, this has happened before, and that's generally where it leads.

i know, from personal experience, that antis do, in fact, send harassment to people just for shipping things they don't like. i've gotten accused of absolutely vile shit for shipping two fictional characters who were both consenting adults. i've seen ship wars turn into moral battlegrounds, over ships that an average person wouldn't bat an eye at.

the thing about "romanticization" is a whole other can of worms. the anti logic goes like this: if someone sees something (even if it's very obviously fictional) in a positive light enough times, they will start thinking it's okay in real life, and go on to hurt real people. the problem with that is that it's just. blatantly untrue.

if it were true every horror movie fan would be a serial killer, every person that studies dark media would be an unhinged psychopath, and everyone who is into ddlg would be a pedophile. but they're not. they just aren't. people have directed movies just as fucked up as the darkest shit on ao3, and are still capable of being normal human beings who know right from wrong in real life.

even if someone is that impressionable, scrubbing away the existence of every piece of questionable content isn't going to solve their problem, because they're still going to be vulnerable to con men, scams, and cultists. the only thing that would actually materially help someone like that is developing their own morals and critical thinking.

children are also more impressionable, and there's a lot of content that's not suitable for them, but that doesn't mean that content shouldn't exist. it just means that they should stick to spaces designed for them (which most social media sites, tumblr included, are not) or, if they're old enough to be responsible for their experience online, they, or a trusted adult in their lives, should block and filter out things that they aren't comfortable with.

which is what everyone on the internet should be doing. it's what i do, and it's made the internet a much more pleasant place to be. and it's why i sometimes worry for antis mental health, especially teenagers, because they're being told it's right and moral to seek out content that makes them uncomfortable and to engage with the people making it. and that's just. really bad. it's not good for the creators that they're harassing obviously, but it's also really bad for them! it's not healthy to seek out things that make you feel bad, and it's a terrible internet safety lesson to teach minors that it's okay for them to seek out and engage with people making adult content.

individual harassment and crusading is never going to succeed at removing dark content from the internet. it just isn't. at best you might get a small percentage of people who create that content to stop sharing it, at worst you're just going to make people stop tagging it, and either way, you're exposing yourself to things that make you feel bad, when you don't have to.

if you want to materially change the type of content you see, you can. the block button is your friend, use it liberally. same with content filtering and tag blocking.

#oops this got really long #cd.ask #proship #disk horse #tw pedophila mention #uhhh what to tag #tw shipping discourse #this doesn't even get into the antis that i've seen proudly professing that they care more about fictional characters than real people #because i don't know how to explain to someone that real humans matter more than cartoon characters #or how to avoid content on platforms other than tumblr bc frankly thats a lot of the reason i don't use them #i don't trust an algorithm #also im turning anon off after posting this so if you want to send me hate you cant be a coward about it #also be prepared to get blocked and ignored #the only reason i answered this person is bc they weren't being hostile

[drdemonprince]

Is "safe sex" even real? Never done it so idk but you mentioned risk profiles once. I feel like demographically I've got a higher risk profile and the anxiety about that really prevents me from going and trying anything. Do you think that's overly anxious in a negative way?

"safe sex" is a really misleading and binary term. There is never any guarantee of safety in anything we do. Every choice we make comes with risks. Hell, choosing not to connect with other people sexually (if you have any desire to) does ITSELF come with its own risks and costs over time.

The chase after perfect, guranteed safety will only lead to us feeling powerless and afraid, because it is an impossibility. All that we can do is inform ourselves of the risks, mitigate the risks we are the most concerned about and that affect others, and then knowingly accept what risks we still face as the cost of leading a full, enjoyable life.

When we inform ourselves about risk mitigation, we learn there are certain steps that we should probably take to protect ourselves and others if we are engaging in behavior that carries risk. If you're having sex with a complete stranger, it's probably smart to use a condom. If you have sex regularly you might want an HPV vaccine or to be on PreP to prevent HIV transmission. When you meet up with people you should get tested for COVID. You should get vaccinated against COVID. If you want to get suspended in rope from the ceiling don't use a hardware store $3 carabeener, get the good shit from the rock-climbing supply store. Things like that.

But even if you use a condom, you might get herpes or HPV or crabs or a yeast infection. Even if you never have sex, you might already have herpes or HPV or crabs or a yeast infection. I've had several of those things, including some of the "scarier" sounding ones, and they're really not that big a deal. They're just a thing that happens in life. Most people have them. You pop a Valtrex when you have symptoms, you shove a suppostiory up your vulva when it itches, you sleep without underwear on, you communicate with partners, you move on with your life.

Sure, I do what I can to avoid the risks I am most concerned about. I take PreP right now because not getting HIV would be preferable to me. But I could still live if I got it. I am informed about the realities of living with HIV today, which makes that fear more manageable. It is easier for me to make carefully considered and yet realistic decisions surrounding my risk profile because I can confront the realities that scare me and learn more about them.

The body is not separable form its environment. We are connected to our surroundings and the people around us, and our bodies get sick, catch viruses, grow old, get messy, and die inevitably and return to the earth. With our one life, we each have to choose what is most important to us and what potential costs we can stand. But with each year that passes, a cost to our bodies is already incurred, and there's nothing we can do to prevent aging and death from coming our way.

So what would you like to do while you are around? Would you like to have sex with condoms? Go on PreP? Get the HPV vaccine? Take random loads in a glory hole? Make out and dry hump with a cutie at a party and catch her cold sore? Cross the street in the dark after looking both ways? Go out dancing so late that your sleep is disrupted for the whole week? Get your heart broken? Have a great all-consuming love? Have children? Endure a torn labia while giving birth? Try psychedelics? Go on a swinger's cruise? Get a UTI from spermicide? Roleplay online instead of meeting in person? Fuck people with a strap-on?

The choice is yours. And no choice you make will be perfect or come without risk. No life is safe. Accepting loss is one of the necessary tasks of leading a life. But you can educate yourself, reflect on what you most want out of life and what you fear, and then take steps to demystefy your worst fears and mitigate the risks that loom largest to you and the people you care about.

Whatever you decide, I hope you have some fun.

[shiny-kaibernyte]

Could you do a Drayton x GN!Reader, where reader is rather clingy,

(and possibly trying to avoid Carmine by sticking w/ Drayton, knowing that she hates him? This is opt but it'd be p cool if you added this)

Ooo this is so adorable! I loved writing this so much! And I did include the Carmine request for you, I love my girl Carmine. I got a bit carried away though so i do hope you like it 💜💜

Pokémon Scarlett and Violet Indigo Disk DLC Spoilers ahead!

After a long and ruthless day of training, Drayton wants nothing more than to just lay down with his s/o and chill. And his s/o wants the exact same thing but there seems to be a road block between them.

SPOILER WARNING AHEAD (Indigo Disk Main Story and a little bit of The Teal Mask)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just this once | Drayton x Clingy Reader

“Is it just me, or is Kieran even more snappy today?” Lacey questioned as the door to the League club room opened. Drayton just sighed in response, holding the door open for the group, still feeling the strain from his training battle with Kieran.

Crispin was still fired up when he rushed into the room, hitting his hand against his pan. “What is his deal? Why can’t he get over himself!? I'm burning up just thinking about it. Who does he think he is? Revives aren't allowed, even in training battles!? Let alone two max revives.”

“Calm yourself, Crispin. Yelling about it won’t solve a thing,” Amarys calmly responded, pulling out her pocket watch and examining the time carefully.

“Sounds like you four had a fun time out there." Your voice chimed from the corner. A smile on your face when the group jumps from your response. Well, all except Drayton, who went from being stressed and tired to happy and tired. "Kieran giving you a hard time again?”

Drayton rubbed the back of his neck as he stretched his other arm up. “Hard time isn’t the word for it; I've never been so against Pokemon battling in my life. Apparently, a simple double battle isn’t good enough for our almighty  champion. "Rolling his eyes as he says champion before making his way over to you.

“I'm still all fired up from the fight! And I didn’t even fight Keiran,” Crispin chimed, crossing his arms in frustration, his fiery rage still burning. The whole place would be on fire if his rage continued.

“Crispin, I think you should get some fresh air. Come on, let's go find some Pokémon to battle.” Lacey calmly placed her hand on his shoulder before ushering him out of the room. Waving to her fellow members before her quick exit.

Finally putting the pocket watch away, Amarys sees herself out as well, giving nothing more than a simple farewell. Leaving just you and Drayton in the League club room. Drayton finally sits down for the first time in hours, pulling you onto the sofa with him. “I am beat... and not just mentally either; think Kieran landed one to many Super Sonic's. Ears are still ringing!” A small laugh escaped your lips as he banged his hand against his ear, acting as if he's trying to get something out, getting a bit too aggressive in the process.

“If you keep doing that, you’re going to hurt yourself." You smiled, taking his hand away from his face and into the grasp of your own before moving to sit on his lap, which he happily accepted, putting his free arm around you to hold you there. "Okay, so tell me everything that happened!”

Half way through his very long explanation about how Kieran decided to test the strength of him and Lacey to 'see if they were still worthy’ along with his max revive cheating when they began getting the upper hand on him, Carmine suddenly burst through the door, almost taking the poor thing off its hinges. “I WILL KILL HIM!”

“That’s one way to make an entrance... Are you okay over there?” Drayton questioned, his arms still around you, tightening when you jumped closer to him at her sudden entrance. You could see the steam coming off of Carmine as she paced aggressively around the room, mumbling something to herself.

“No, I am very much not an okay captain obvious! Kieran has crossed a line today, and I need to blow off some steam! Amarys won’t battle me, and I can't find Crispin or Lacey, so one of you two will have to do it, and I'm not taking no for an answer!” She demanded coming over to you both, not even questioning the fact that you're just sitting on his lap.

Drayton shook his head and sighed. “I'm all battled out for today, so you will be taking no for an answer!”

"Fine, then I’ll battle you!” Before you could even protest, Carmine grabbed your arm in a non-aggressive way and practically yanked you away from him, much to your dismay. Letting go once you were by the door. Immediately, you stepped away, wanting to head back for Drayton, who was now standing up, flabbergasted by the audacity. "Hey, no walking out on me; we're battling!”

“Carmine, maybe you should take another look around for Crispin or Lacey? I mean, they have to be somewhere, right?” You respond, hoping she will just decide to go find them and use wild Pokémon as her victims of battle rage. As much as you loved her, you really just wanted to spend time with Drayton; he was your boyfriend, and he needed you as much as you needed him. And now Carmine has burst into the room like a wild Rhyhorn and pulled you away from him.

“No way! You’re here; you aren't doing anything important, so let's battle! I need to battle you so I can go talk to Kiki with a calmer  mind. "She pleaded, fists clenched, as she finally gave her reason for being mad. “He can’t just blame me for one of his Pokémon fainting just because I was watching! I didn’t distract him from that fight; I didn't even say anything!” She continued to rant after that, not even noticing you weren't near her anymore.

Slowly continuing to back away, you somehow manage to make it back to Drayton's side as you hook your arm through his. Finally, You managed to get a word in through Carmine's rambling. “You know... maybe just this once you could go battle some wild Pokémon? I heard there was a Scizor outbreak going on in the canyon."

“Huh? A what? No, I don't care about any stupid outbreaks. I need a real challenge! And you are going to give me that  challenge. "Carmine once again protested, " If she's anything, it’s determined. “And why do you keep hiding behind toothpaste? I'm not that angry!”

"No, you are; I can see the smoke coming out of your ears.” Drayton mocked crossing his arms as he stepped forward, leaning against the wall beside him as you continued to stay almost glued to his side.

“Zip it, Colgate! You’re not a part of this.” She snapped, staring daggers into his soul when he began laughing. “Unless you’ve changed your mind, you shush it!”

“Carmine, breathe; you are stressed. Take a moment to cool down and just think about my offer; who knows, maybe you could find a shiny Scizor there. That would definitely be one up, Kieran, huh?” Once again, you make an attempt to sway Carmine’s favour, hoping she will take the hint that you really don’t want to leave Drayton right now. Yeah, the fight will be short-lived given the team differences, but all you really wanted to do was just cuddle up to his side like a Komala.

Completely unexpectedly, Carmine stops abruptly and places her hand on her chin, thinking intensely. The way she can just switch off her rage so quickly is scary but hilarious at the same time. “A shiny one would be cool... Plus, Scizor is a pretty tough Pokémon, so I would get some good training done. And Kiki doesn’t have a shiny, so when I talk to him later, I can use it if he gets too pushy again. ALRIGHT! I’m going to get a shiny Scizor!”

Without another word, she just bolted out the door as fast as she came in. Drayton is just confused as he chuckles to himself. "Well, that was something. I’m honestly surprised that it worked; you certainly have a better way of calming the beast than I do love.”

“I'm also surprised that worked! And don’t call her a beast. "You respond by laughing along with him. “Though I'm glad it did work, I was worried I'd have to battle her and miss out on my cuddles.”

“You know I'd never let you miss that! I’d be too lonely. Besides, what's gonna keep me warm when you’re not around? A blanket I think not.” He teased, pulling you against his chest with a smile, your hands resting on his chest. “Though just once, I'm actually glad Carmine interrupted us... Her yelling probably cleared off the whole corridor, so why don’t we head up to my dorm before the swarm files back in? I rented your favourite movie this week.”

“If I get to stay with you, then I am so in!” You cheer. Taking his hand into yours as you drag him out of the room, rush back to his dorm for the peace and quiet you both desperately want. So much yelling for such little time.

#drayton x reader #drayton #pokemon #pokemon x reader #pokemon dlc #pokemon indigo disk #pokemon sv spoilers #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon spoilers #shiny pokemon #Drayton Pokémon #dlc #pokemon fanfiction #fluff #clingy duo #x reader #reader insert #gn reader #carmine #fanfic #rival kieran #kieran #the teal mask #romance

[azrielslightintheshadows]

Hi I absolutely love your writing! I devoured all you fics in record time. I've seen a lot of things about a shy & insecure reader x Cassian but I was wondering if you could do one with Azriel instead? Az is my favourite batboy and I'm also quite shy and insecure so I wouldn't mind reading one. Although I know you probably get a lot of requests with how great your writing is so its ok if you don't like the request I'm content just reading your amazing fics.

Meant to be together.

Azriel x f!Reader.

Masterlist.

Summary; Reader believes that Azriel deserves better than her.

Warnings; angst, insecurities, mentions of sex.

Hello! Thank you so much! You didn't specify which of Cassian's fics you like so I let my imagination take charge of the whole fic. I hope this is what you had in mind, if not feel free to request something else. I really hope you enjoy this like I did!

You changed your mind yet again about the dress you tried on and threw it on the pile of the rest of them. You were getting ready for dinner at the house of wind and since it is the third time you will hang out with the inner circle your nerves are going crazy. You met Azriel a few months back when he literally fell out of the sky and landed on his back in your garden.  He never told you how it happened. After helping him into your house and cleaning his wounds he fell asleep and the next morning he woke up with you next to him wide awake and staring at him. You had stayed the whole night by his side monitoring his breathing and checking for any bleeding. He observed your worried pale face with black circles beneath your red eyes and the bond snapped. You blushed when he told you that you are his mate and for the first few dates you avoided his gaze like your life depended on it. Azriel didn’t really have a problem with that, he is shy and quiet too so your whole behavior helped him cope. And now after some months of building trust and love he decided to introduce you to his family and make you a part of it.

You huffed and threw yet another dress on the pile when the familiar beating sound of wings filled your small apartment, Azriel came in through the window and stood next to the pile of clothes staring at them. He looked so out of place in your small room, his body and those beautiful membranous wings taking up most of the space.

“Angel, you look perfect in everything just pick one dress” he sighed and stared at your bare back.

“No I don’t…I just need a few more minutes to find the right dress. I’m sorry” you mumbled and searched the closet.

He knew that if you didn’t find a dress that made you feel good, you’d probably hide behind him for the whole night so he didn’t pressure you and hummed an okay before laying down on your bed.

You tried one of the dresses that used to belong to your mother when she was about your age and finally you felt pretty, a grin appearing on your face as you twirled around.

“What do you think?” You asked Azriel who was gaping at you.

“I think that you should join me here and skip dinner” he licked his bottom lip and opened his arms in a silent invitation. You blushed and stared at the floor.

“That’s not polite what will your family think about me…” your voice was soft.

Azriel smiled at that and got up, he walked up to you and wrapped his arms around your waist pressing you against him.

“You’re so cute” he cooed and kissed your nose making you blush harder and hide your face in his chest.

“Okay let’s go” he chuckled and picked you up.

The flight was silent, and you enjoyed the view of the city, it soothed your nerves. You landed on the balcony of the house of wind with a thud and entered the dining room. Everyone you knew was there and two females you didn’t recognize.

“Oh great you’re here” Feyre exclaimed “y/n these are my sisters, Nesta and Elain”

Both females were stunning, and you stared in awe as they smiled.

“Hello, nice to meet you” you smiled back.

“You are Azriel’s mate, right?” Nesta asked and glared at Elain.

“Yes” you replied and glanced at your mate who was watching his brothers bickering about something.

The females didn’t say anything else, so you took a seat and stared at your napkin not sure what to do. Azriel sat next to you and soon everyone was eating.

You glanced around and noticed the longing looks Elain was sending to your mate who didn’t have a clue since he was way too lost in his food. You moved your eyes on the table again and didn’t dare to look at her again. Such a beautiful female, her and Azriel would make a great couple if only you weren’t in their way. Your heart ached at the thought, and you lost your appetite. Azriel noticed that you were playing with your food and nudged your foot with his own. You pretended you didn’t notice and kept staring at your plate.

“Are you okay?” He whispered in your ear.

You shook your head and leaned closer to him.

“I want to go home now…” you whispered back. He only nodded and excused the two of you saying that you weren’t feeling well before picking you up and flying you home.

You walked inside and quickly turned around blocking Azriel from entering. He furrowed his eyebrows and took a step back.

“I’m sorry to do this now but I don’t think this is going to work”. You said softly.

“What?” He exclaimed “why?”

“I’m sorry” you repeated and tried to shut the door, but he was faster than you and his scarred hands pushed the door open again.

“No. You don’t get to do this, we will talk this through” he growled and walked inside shutting the door behind him.

“There is nothing to talk about Az… we are from completely different worlds. I’m a loner while you have so many friends and family”. You whispered.

“You can be a part of it too, and if you don’t want to then I will stay with you. I will spend less time with them.” He said with a pleading look.

“I think that Elain likes you, she is such a beautiful female, and she fits into your family really well. She will make you happy.” You confessed and ignored the ache in your heart.

“What are you talking about? Elain has a mate and even if she didn’t, I wouldn’t care. I only want you. You are the most beautiful and amazing female I’ve ever met. Your calm and quiet personality keeps me grounded, you make me feel safe and comfortable and I would rather spend my whole life locked in this apartment with you than anywhere else without you.” His voice broke at the end, and he stared at you with a pained expression.

“Are you sure? I just want the best for you.” You whispered.

“You are the best for me, I don’t even know what I did to deserve you. You are the light in my darkness.” He wrapped his arms around you pressing you against him as he left a soft kiss on your head.

“You give me a reason to live” you confessed and pressed your cheek on his chest. You could hear his heart beating faster at your words and his scarred hands rubbed your back.

That night he made love to you again and again worshiping your body and whispering sweet promises. That night he proved to you that you are meant to be together.

Requests are open but delayed!

#acotar #acotar series #azriel #azriel spymaster #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #azriel angst #azriel x reader #azriel fanfic #acotar fanfiction #rhysand #feyre archeron #nesta acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acomaf #nesta archeron #acowar #acosf #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #night court #feyre cursebreaker #nesta #the night court #velaris #city of starlight

[flowering-thought]

Another member of the Kawahara family that's been slightly anticipated is coming right up! I hope you guys enjoy <3

It feels a little short to me so sorry in advance if its a little shorter than usual- 😔

Not edited

WARNING - MINORS DNI

AFAB reader and reader is described as feminine and chubby/plus sized.

Yandere themes, mentions of gore, stalking, implied manipulation

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Takeo Kawahara

First Meeting + Headcannons

It hadn't been long since you had gotten a visa to work as a translator in Japan. Since you had a couple of languages under your belt, you became quite successful among your colleagues.

You helped translate some books and documents on occasion and that was only what you did at home for random assignments you got. Occasionally you had to go out for public clients and business meetings where a translator was required due to the differences in language barriers.

You quite enjoyed your job! It was fun to keep your language skills sharp and it was nice to help out others when needed.

Plus learning about a different culture while knowing the language was interesting and gave you things to do on your days off.

Sadly though there is the work culture of showing up to work parties and appealing to those who have worked at the company longer than you have that you didn't enjoy. Especially when they harassed you to drink.

It was another party and a few of your colleagues that didn't like you tried to invade your personal life while an older colleague "helped" by getting them off your back. But that one had been making uncomfortable comments about your body and image for a while now which is why you tended to avoid most people in your company.

So you pretended to get a call and made your escape from the restaurant outside. You were wondering whether to call a taxi or just take the train back to your place but unfortunately, that same colleague that defended you followed you out.

You hated putting on a smile to please others but you hated conflict more than anything. You heard him go on about how you'd look so much nicer if you kept up a smile and tried to get along with your colleagues more often and that he's "only looking out for you".

You were about to snap when you felt someone put a hand on your shoulder and pull you close, "Sorry I'm late! I meant to show up earlier but my client took longer than I thought." Said a voice. You looked back to see a man your age with a lit cigarette in his mouth. He quickly put it out before letting his grip loosen and gave you a small wink.

You somehow felt calm and kept up the smile, leaning into him and away from your coworker, "Thanks! I didn't want to walk home alone so this helps me out!" You claimed. Your coworker luckily took the hint and scattered, he was definitely going to gossip about this but you didn't care and let out a sigh of relief the moment he was gone.

"Sorry about that. Normally I wouldn't interfere but he looked sketchy. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable with my touching!" The man said, immediately letting you go and having a slightly panicked look on his face. You noticed he was handsome and from the looks of it, kind. You weren't used to someone actually bothering to help you out in that kind of situation so you gave him a genuine smile and gave him a bow.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it. I've been struggling to deal with the whole work party since I joined so I'm really glad you helped out!" You claimed, reaching out your hand to greet him. He only smiled and shook your hand before opening his mouth. "Kawahara. Kawahara Takeo." He introduced.

You two went on your own way after he dropped you off at the station and traded Line information.

What you couldn't see after you left was Takeo cheering in his spot. He was so glad that he could finally talk to you. Ever since he bumped into you when you were late for a meeting a month ago he fell for you at first sight.

Turns out his stalking paid off if it made him get a chance to "meet" you naturally. But now he can't help but gaze into the distance and wonder if his eldest brother has some information on your colleagues.

He can't just watch you get harassed can he?

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Regular Headcannons

• Takeo is 24 and was born on November 23rd, making him a Sagittarius.

• Takeo is honestly a stalker with a slight delusional streak. He believes that you'll love him no matter what as long as you don't see the side of him that quite literally has a shrine of you in his apartment.

• Takeo is very outspoken and fun. He enjoys going places and doesn't hesitate to speak his mind or be honest.

• When he was in school with Daisuke he actually used to defend his older brother from bullies since Daisuke was quieter in nature.

• Takeo was what you would call a delinquent but he was a smart one and was high in the class banner in terms of grades. But he did skip class quite often.

• He's also an artist at heart. He enjoys sketching and painting. But something about tattooing something that someone will love on someone's skin makes him feel really fulfilled so it's the main medium he practices.

• But sometimes when you're on his mind too much he paints you or sketches you. He keeps all the artwork he has of you along with the shrine in his studio. He has a pretty decent apartment as he makes quite a bit of money half the time so he's confident you'll never come across the stuff he has that defines his obsession for you.

• Other than art his other hobby is movies. He loves to watch all sorts of films! He also seriously enjoys foreign movies which are how he begins to talk to you on Line to get closer to you.

• He starts by asking about some of your favorite movies from your country and asks for recommendations of things you like. And then if a new movie comes out that he's interested in watching he'll ask if there's any chance that you would want to watch it with him.

• And when you say yes he's always super happy. He's the type who cheers and jumps up on his bed when you agree to a date or meeting up. He honestly has a really optimistic view of love. You could almost call it innocent if it wasn't for his infatuation with you.

• And honestly? He's pretty gentlemanly! He opens the door for you and compliments you all the time and he's a big flirt.

• He's honestly pretty fashionable as well. Not as in he wears big brands and such but he likes to dress in a certain way and looks good doing it. He might also take you to some of his favorite places to thrift some clothes or furniture.

• He just loves to do things with you and show you the things he loves. He also loves to show you off to his friends and his friends respect you and him as well. And if you were to sew up his clothes when he gets into an occasional fight or bring him something you made for him to eat he might just burst into tears.

• He's a man that's well connected with his emotions and isn't afraid to show it. He's overall sweet and outgoing to you and those he loves.

Yandere Tendencies Headcannons

• While Takeo is sweet to those he cares about, it's the complete opposite for anyone else. He's cold and manipulative the moment anyone screws you over.

• If someone is talking behind your back he won't hesitate to get information on them from his brother ♡

• But if anyone touched you? Hurt you or otherwise? They're dead. He doesn't mind getting his hands dirty and honestly will make them disappear so naturally no one even suspects anything, not even you.

• He knows no one would suspect anything from him. He's very smart despite not always showing it. And he knows that his family is just like him in the aspect of how attached they get to those they come to love in a romantic and platonic sense. So he knows he can fall on them if he ever needs help.

• And Takeo is strong. He goes to the gym regularly and knows some martial arts. He honestly could take down guys two times his size if he really wanted to.

• He honestly slightly worships you but tries not to show it too much. He worries that he might freak you out and tries his best to not show too much of his unstable side.

• And when he worries too much he might text you a little more often to make sure you're okay. He may even be like Daisuke and ask for one of those couple apps that track each other.

• One thing Takeo doesn't like though is blood. He doesn't like to touch it and doesn't like to mess with it. It has to due when Daisuke got attacked by a dog. When he saw his brother bleed like that he just couldn't help but grow a slight fear of it.

• So while he enjoys getting rid of others and is fine if it's others that bleed, he prefers to not get it on his skin.

• And if you bleed? Even if it was an accident or just a scratch he'll go into a full-on panic. He'll start hyperventilating and hold onto you so tight you can hardly breathe. He might attempt to call emergency services and it's the only time he actually shows how unstable he can get-

• But when you calm him down and reassure him his panic will reduce. He just can't help it when it comes to those he loves. Yeah someone can bleed on a tattoo but that's different! That's something that's controlled and concentrated. And people choose to go through that. But when you get hurt or a scratch hell disinfect the fuck out of it and wrap it up like it's some sort of infection that you're suffering from.

• Just make sure to reassure that you're alright. He gets a panic attack whenever something like that happens to you.

• Though if you get sick? He will mother you back to health and invade your home to make sure you're okay ♡

• He makes your food easy to eat and carefully takes care of you. You're his so he needs you to be okay-

Takeo worries. He can't help it when it comes to you so don't worry him too much or he might just hold on and never let go ♡

#.takeo_kawahara_♡ #soft yandere #yandere oc #yandere oc x reader #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #chubby reader #yandere hcs #yandere male #yandere male x reader #yandere headcanons

[shakingparadigm]

Hello it's the anon who said about the Ivan collar thing 😭. I come with some little brainrots.

Mizi sang "Black Sorrow" as a solo cover for unrequited love, with Sua being dead.

But the cover made me think. What if somehow Sua, in a way, is the Till to Mizi's Ivan. What if Sua, even if she loves Mizi back, never really fully indulged in it.

Specially in "My Clematis" where Mizi regarded Sua as a god, all I can imagine is Sua who always kept a perfect image in front of everyone including Mizi. Sua who never really showed her vulnerability to Mizi even though the other girl bared her entire heart. Just the idea that she somewhat kept a mask of pretend, letting Mizi be as blissful as it can be before the inevitable.

Aka tragic Yuri breaking my heart that Sua had to keep her own planned death a secret from her beloved because of one (and only) little selfish wish, which is to let Mizi live.

(Also sorry for spamming asks this frequently! I've been going through ALNST hyperfixations and your blog have a great humor.)

DONT EVER BE SORRY FOR SPAMMING ASKS! they make me really happy! Thank you so much! Sorry it takes me a while to answer them sometimes, my brains been pretty messy as of late, and I keep losing track of time.

That's a really interesting perspective to see it from. Regarding their relationship as a whole, I actually think it was the opposite. Sua only ever opened up to Mizi, and to everyone else she was timid and closed off. That was one of the reasons why their bond was so strong, they clung to each other. Sua retreats into herself, avoiding others in an attempt to protect her soft-hearted feelings, only sticking to Mizi because she loved and trusted her most. Mizi loved Sua like a dog because she was a cure for her loneliness back when Mizi felt isolated and afraid of being away from her home. They gave each other everything, which is why the thought of Mizi dying filled Sua with so much anguish that she'd rather die herself.

But if we're talking about the few weeks leading up to the first round of ALNST (you probably meant this, my bad) then definitely. She spent the last of her life counting down the hours, putting on a brave face and trying to make the remainder of her time with Mizi the best it could possibly be. I assume it was Mizi that proposed a tie. Sua played along, or maybe even believed in it at first, because ALIEN STAGE was something that they both looked forward to their whole lives, something that was held over their heads like a reward instead of the death sentence it actually was. Sua most likely started planning her death after she realized the possible consequences. The thing is, according to the MiziSua interview, a tie had never happened before in ALIEN STAGE. Which means that we don't know what happens if a tie actually does occur. It seems unlikely that ALIEN STAGE, which derives its stakes from the deaths of the contestants, would let both go forward thanks to a tie. I mean, if that happened, then everyone else would just decide to tie in order to keep each other alive, and where's the fun in a deathless season? Where's the stakes in that? It goes against everything ALIEN STAGE is built on. If a tie did happen, they most likely would have forced a situation where one of them would have to die anyway. It just lengthens the process and makes it more complicated. I like to think that, at some point, Sua realized this. If they tie, there's no guarantee that they both stay alive. In a tie situation, they might even randomly pick the contestant to be eliminated. The circumstances are uncertain and unpredictable, and within those hypotheticals Mizi dying is always an option. But if Sua adjusts her own performance level without Mizi knowing, she can ensure that the only person who has to die is herself. As stated before, Sua is soft-hearted. Her blank demeanor is indeed a mask for overwhelming feelings that lie beneath the surface. Mizi worships Sua, but Sua loves Mizi an incredible amount too. She must have loved her so much that Ivan, an exceedingly observant asshole (affectionate), picked up on it and was able to discern her intentions. Ivan criticizes Sua for choosing to sacrifice herself, calling her out for "playing hero", but most importantly, accusing her of dying only because she herself cannot handle the pain of losing someone she loves. She cannot fathom living a life where Mizi is dead, so she "runs away" from it by any means possible. He accuses her of being a hypocrite because the future that pains her to think about is one that she is about to inflict on her beloved. Is it an act of love or an act of selfishness? Is Ivan twisting her genuinely pure intentions and chastising her into believing that it makes her a bad person? Despite being hit with this crisis and crying over it, Sua decides to sacrifice herself anyway. And her happy mask was so impressive that Mizi failed to notice she was digging her own grave.

Sua not "indulging" in her love for Mizi is actually really interesting, and I can see how it can come off that way because Mizi is much more affectionate. But I actually think otherwise!

I think it's not really that she refused to indulge in her love, rather she indulged in it so much that she died to ensure she'd never have to live without it.

#i had to delete an entire paragraph just to not yap too much but i completely agree that till and sua are alike. #they are the 'gods' and the life of their other half basically revolve around them #but while till might not indulge in his affections for ivan #sua fully indulges in her love for mizi because its all she has #it's really interesting how sua and till are both sensitive according to the Patreon yet the way they cope with that is different. #till explodes outward and sua retreats within #SORRY I CANT EVER ANSWER AN ASK NORMALLY I ALWAYS HAVE TO TYPE THE LONGEST MOST UNRELATED SHIT #Thank you for the ask!! i really appreciate and i find your take very valid and intriguing actually #alnst #alien stage #mizisua #asks

[adoriels-tears-if]

How would the RO's react to an MC who usually puts minimal effort into their appearance pulling out all the stops and showing up absolutely gorgeous for some formal event that they were required to go to?

Arthur : As you make your way along the corridor to the reception room, Arthur keeps watching you out of the corner of his eye. Furtive eyes and tanned cheeks colored pink. You smile, knowing full well the reason for his secret admiration. "See anything you like?" you ask innocently. His cheeks color further. "Always," he murmurs and your heart misses a beat. "You're just…Wow!" he exhales open-mouthed and you laugh. "I've never seen you so dressed up, you're stunning," he adds tenderly.

Corden : Glasses in hand, you and Corden find yourselves away from the hustle and bustle of the dancers. He doesn't like to be the center of attention, but you're certainly the center of his. Every few minutes, his violet eyes pass over your body, his eyebrows furrowing in a confused mimicry. You bite your tongue to keep from talking, the inside of your cheeks to keep from laughing, until you can't stand it any longer and catch him in the act. "Yes?" He flinches and looks away. "Nothing," he grumbles, one of his hands reaching up to tug at his long black hair. An anxious tic. A minute passes and another and finally. "Is this a new look?" "I try it once in a while," you answer softly. "It's weird," he blurts. And as your lips part in shock, his eyes widen, his face flushes and he looks away, hiding his gaze behind his glass. "N…no, I mean, it's pretty on you I guess." warmth and affection burst through your chest.

Tally : "You should dress up like this more often, MC. You look incredible!" Tally's eyes roam over your figure shamelessly, a huge smile on her face. You can't shake the feeling that she's undressing you with her gaze. "Thank you," you reply and can't help adding. "I can see myself running for my life in high heels, very handy for poking an eye out if need be." She bursts out laughing and playfully slaps your arm. "Stop making me make funny noises. These old barrels are no fun on the council." You wince. You know how anxious she is about this whole thing. She sighs, but adds with a tense little smile, "At least if I get tired of looking at Trigar's ugly face, I can just turn my head." You nod. "And I'd be right there."

S : Seeing you arrive, S raises an eyebrow with a mischievous smile on their lips. "Did someone get a makeover? You're turning heads tonight!" they say, as you finally reach them. "Tell me about it," you sigh, casting an exasperated glance behind your shoulder at the rest of the crowd. "Do you like it?" you question, sliding your hands over your clothes. They don't miss a beat. "Very much." "I smell a but." They smile wryly. "But, as much as I love this polished look. I prefer another." Your eyes narrow, as a laugh finds its way down their throat. They're about to make a salacious remark, you know it and they know it. "You, naked under me. This is my favorite look of you." You roll your eyes, your face on fire. "Why, S! Why! It's so undistinguished of you." They burst out laughing. "So beneath your status," you continue teasingly. "You love it." they counter. "I love you." you retort and their eyes soften. "I love you too."

Lessica : ""I see you looking," you croon in a low voice. Seated in the banqueting hall of the Whispering Palace, you smile as Lessica hastens to return her gaze to her plate. Just avoiding the reproachful eyes of her mother, who doesn't seem to appreciate that you're monopolizing the young elf's interest. "I assure you I'm not." She replies demurely. "Of course you don't," you activate your cutlery. "Do I look all right, though?" "You are," she continues in the same tone, "no matter what they think."

#Adoriel's Tears #Adoriel's Tears ROS

[moongothic]

i would love trans crocodile but im very cynical that oda would write him in a respectful manner. thats not even thinking of how horrible that one portion of the one piece fandom would treat him

Yeah the fandom sucks and I'm going to strangle everyone (including the cishets who claim to be trans allies and then use "Crocomom")

But with Oda it's weird because like. The more I think about it, the more I'm like... 50/50 about Oda being able to actually deliver good, respectful trans masc rep.

Like I've posted about this before but One Piece does have this on-going theme of having characters "stuck in wrong bodies" or "having one's body changed" (sometimes reversably, sometimes irreversably; sometimes against their will, sometimes consentually). Which, in theory, in my mind, does kind of signal that on some level Oda understands the idea of being "the wrong sex" (whether or not that's a good way to explain The Trans Experience™ is a whole different subject but it's an old fashioned explanation that Oda would probably be/is familiar with) But at the same time, while the concept pops up again and again in One Piece, Oda doesn't really dwell too deep into the idea of what that's like. Like, emotionally. How it feels like to like, get turned into a toy or be a child who gets aged 20 years or to get turned into a cyborg or a giant child or have parts of your body permanently turned into animal parts (sometimes with a will of their own) etc

And like. Part of me understands why, Oda does tend to want to focus on writing a story he thinks teenaged boys would be interested in reading, and he has often stated he wants to have fun with his story too (like that's partially why Luffy's a Rubber Man, because Oda thought giving Luffy a ridiculous ability would make him more fun to write and draw long-term, which is valid as hell) This is why for example Oda has avoided doing any romances in OP, and while there are dark themes in the story, often he has done his best to avoid making them too blatant, as some things would be too mature for his youngest readers (like, for example until Kuma's backstory, it was never explicitly stated what would happen to the slave wives of the Tenryuubito, even saying it was "implied" would be pushing how that subject had been treated until now)

So like. Because of that, I understand why Oda hasn't dwelled into The Feelings™ part much/at all despite the "stuck in the wrong body" narrative appearing time and time again

Either Oda thinks it'd be too boring either for himself or his readers, or he hasn't dwelled into it because he doesn't really understand gender dysphoria and can't relate to the experience (despite how often it shows its face in OP). Or it could be both, even

The thing is though, as OP has gone on, while I wouldn't say Oda has "broken his writing rules", Kuma's backstory alone has pushed them to a new limit with the love-that-never-was story and the all-but-explicitly-stated storytelling.

So a part of me wonders, if Crocodile is trans, could Oda actually like... take a slightly deeper look into his feelings and explore his queer experience? ('Cause god knows, if Crocodad Real, then there really would be a literal coming out-story built into his backstory that would be extremely unavoidable, and as I've mentioned before, the fact that we haven't gotten to learn almost anything about his backstory yet is Kinda Fucking Sus)

Also I do want to mention how... like Oda gets a lot of bad rap when it comes to queer rep in One Piece, but the more I think about it, I think it's more an issue with the terminology and how translators have gone about either localizing it, or more often than not, leaving it unlocalized 'Cause like. Yes the "okama" would be horrible trans rep but... really... they're not trans representation. They're representation for draq queens. Piss poor draq rep, but still, they're draq queens. And just like our very real life drag performers; some of them are cishets. Some of them are gender non-conforming gay men. Some of them are nonbinary*. Some of them are trans women. Obviously lumping all of these people into one group is kinda offensive (which is why "okama" is (as far as I understand it) such an unpopular term even amongst queer people in Japan), and the way Oda often chooses to draw these characters looks no different to how gender criticals choose to present trans women in their propaganda.

*Like Bon-chan, who explicitly states they are both male and female. And Iva-chan, who switches between boy-mode and girl-mode from time to time, could arguably be called genderfluid (though any specific terminology is up to debate). Both are nonbinary draq queens.

And yet, despite all that. It can not be understated how if you put aside the nameless background gag-characters, Oda does treat the actual, proper queer characters with respect. Everyone would agree that Bon-chan is an absolute hero, we would all die for them. Iva-chan (and Inazuma too) is explicitly presented in a heroic light, seen as someone who helps people and fights for justice (with the Revs)

And then there's the first binary trans characters we've actually gotten, Okiku and Yamato. And I'm pretty sure we would all agree Okiku is 10/10 perfect trans fem representation (I am not entirely serious, I'm not trans fem so I can't speak for trans women here, it's just that I can't see anything Horrendously Wrong with how Okiku is presented within the story- not actually perfect but all things considdered, damn good). She is stunning, people around her (INCLUDING SANJI!!) don't just view her as a woman but would go out of their way to date her (as in, she is seen as "desirable", and not as some kind of a disgusting freak to avoid), she is heroic and sweet and kind and just. IDK I love her And while I'm sure many trans mascs would agree Yamato may not be how they want to be seen by the world (though having Yamato ID as a man while having the biggest moobs is surely validating for a lot of people, including anybody who might not want or be able to get top surgery and/or HRT), again, he is only presented as heroic within the narrative and respected by the characters around him, Luffy especially, which is by far the most important part; the protagonist going out of his way to be respectful of trans characters does represent the values of the story.

And like.

Think about how Oda has treated Crocodile so far.

Like, although we're all having a bit of a laugh over the whole Cross Guild thing, Oda is still treating him as a cool character whom he presents seriously and treats with respect. Like Oda wants the readers to see Crocodile as at least a little bit cool. So I can't imagine him pulling a full 180 with how Croc would be treated in the story if he was revealed to be trans, especially when the potential foreshadowing for that was laid out in the story years ago already.

All this to say; Oda is not perfect at all, but considdering the things he has gotten right so far, I think there is hope he could pull it off. Because Oda is for Queer Liberation.

Really, my only concerns would be whether or not there's a risk Crocodile could get somehow detrans'd during the story (I'm praying the Haki theory isn't an option, really Doc Q might be the only true risk here), if he's stealth and that got presented as "a wrong thing to do" (which I'd hope not, like our previous queer characters have been okay with being openly queer but that may have been more for the readers than anything else. At least, I hope, god knows if Crocodile is and wants to be stealth trans then that's his right and he shouldn't have to out if he doesn't want to, and yeah, I don't want him to be demonized within the narrative for being stealth (if he's stealth, for all we know he could be out)) and like, most importantly, what'd end up being Crocodile's "motivation" for transitioning in the first place

Like. God. I just. I don't want there to be a twist where Crocodile transitioned because "being a woman was weak" or because he "wanted to be acknowledged by Whitebeard" ('cause WB doesn't take women into his crew) or "the scar in his face made him so ugly he decided he should be a man instead" (seen unironic Redditors suggest that. Almost lost my mind) or something

Like I hope someone's at least tried to explain gender dysphoria to Oda. Like the man does have actual queer friends in real life (some of whom inspired characters in OP), so I'm hoping at least someone's tried to explain the feelings that come with The Trans Experience™ to him so that, if Crocodile's trans, then Oda can actually try to base his reasoning to transition on those feelings instead of any stupid "reasons" that no actual queer person would relate to

But it all just boils down to... Is Oda willing to actually dwell into those feelings and explore them in the story.

It... it really could go either way with Oda

So yeah. Anon, I'm with you, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was at least A Little Worried. But also... I want to be hopeful. Because I do believe there is reason to be hopeful.

Only time will tell how it'll go

#Moon posting #Asks #Sir Crocodile #OP Meta #OP Spoilers #Long post #CW Discussions of transphobia #For the record- cishets using ''crocomom'' for like fandom tagging purposes is fine #But outside of that. P e r i s h #Literally no need to misgender him. #(And obligatory disclaimer: yes if you're trans masc you get a pass on misgendering Crocodile. I'm @'ing the cishets not you) #(Also I'm not dead serious. It's just a pet peeve and god dammit I need to complain about it somewhere djkfghdskfgh) #While I'm at it with the tagging complaints please for the love of god tag your genderbends so people can blacklist and avoid them #Your Cross Guild Yuri is fun and fine but for some people having a trans man get presented as a woman in fanart #For no other reason than “girl pretty” pretty much #Can be just really emotionally draining and painful when the world so explicitly **does not want you to be trans** #Just. It'd be The Nice Thing To Do. You can draw your fem Croc just. Please tag it. For the love of god. #These tags are an absolute mess yeehaw

[allsadnshit]

I had a terrible nightmare last night that my bosses were my old art teachers in school and when I realized that I knew it was going to be unfair to have teachers so biased against me and all I wanted to do was draw and none of the other students would stick up for me or believe me that I was being treated badly in fact they were mocking my frustration and saying how easy the class was so I went to the supervisor to tell them I just needed to be excused from that class and could take any other one in its place and she started pulling receipts saying id done this too many times before and it was a boy who cried wolf situation that had absolutely no substance anymore and I was clearly the one making the problems and wouldn't be believed by anyone given my history of always getting bad blood with people

I kept begging everyone to see that I wasn't asking for anyone else's punishment and I wasn't trying to get people to be angry about what I was angry about I just wanted to be able to leave a situation that is unhealthy for me but they kept laughing in my face and saying I had no where to go

I woke up feeling so so sick. Everything with my job in real life feels it's escalated even though I've tried to handle things as well as I could and went to therapy before making any decisions to make sure what I wanted to do was aligned with sincerity and myself and when I tried to call my co workers to tell them i was demoted and to not keep working on the specialty drink ideas I had given the shop before finding out I wouldn't be paid on them they had me on speakerphone and my boss heard me saying I was demoted and they quickly hung up to avoid conflict and when I called them back I told them sorry yeah it's awkward but it's not a secret and I am not hiding something this is just actually the situation and that hanging up and bolting probably looks more suspicious than just telling them.

Then last night after I told my bosses I want my Sunday shift covered (cause I need more time to think about things and how I want to handle them and going in and working with them right now is not okay for me) the husband responded in a separate text which was weird and just said sure but that we should all talk if I need to do things don't fester if I have something I need to say. And I do, and I will but I need time to because half the problem is that they sprung the whole conversation and demotion on me without any warning like didn't even tell me we would be talking about it that day so I was so unprepared and it was really unfair to me. I muted the business and the other bosses instagrams i follow from seeing my story cause I want some privacy from them whether I'm having good days or bad days I just don't want them having access to me right now with everything going on and so they started lurking on my story from a secret account I didn't know the husband even had and I only caught it because he watched a story of mine for the first time and so quickly after I posted it that his name wasn't just lost in the views and I saw it. It was so off putting and like clearly they've never done that before so it wasn't normal and felt so invasive since they clearly realized I had blocked their other accounts from my story...

I'm going to probably have to be unemployed for MONTHS when I quit and I'm not trying to spite anyone I am trying to have some self respect and uphold the boundaries I have with myself about what treatment I will allow and what energy I'm willing to give to businesses that profit off it but don't appreciate it.

I've never ever ever quit something like this before but I know it just won't sit right with me to stay just for the sake of the money and peace it's just going to become worse and I need to walk away but I feel like none of my peers are gonna have my back.

[asirensrage]

Alright so for Dabi, I'm thinking the reader doesn't know just who he is, he just shows up at the right time. He totally has a thing for crying.

"Do you know how long I've watched you? You're perfect."

13. Are you really surprised to find out I’m the bad guy?

Okay, so it took me a long time to like...actually figure out what I wanted to do with this...and then it basically took a life of its own and got out of hand and I had to wrangle it down lol.

Rating: Explicit Fandom: My Hero Academia Pairing: Dabi x Undescribed Female Reader Warnings: Violence. Obsession. Mention of stalking. Murder. Kidnapping. Dacryphilia. Dark!fic. Unbeta'd Prompts: "Are you really surprised to find out I’m the bad guy?" And "Do you know how long I've watched you? You're perfect."

Notes: I don't know how well this turned out. I feel like it was a bit rushed but I couldn't figure out how to extend it properly. I hope you like it regardless. (I read it over only a couple times, so fair warning I guess.) HEED THE WARNINGS.

Living in a world with quirks teaches you a lot: what areas to avoid, the signs of a hero and villain fighting and how to make yourself look between a threat and a target. The truth of the world was simple. The more powerful your quirk is, the safer you are. 

You’ve lived in the city all your life. 

You’ve had problems before but it’s fine. You have insurance, your home is in a building that isn’t in a common villain/hero area and your quirk isn’t powerful but it is useful. It’s gotten you out of a couple of misdemeanours when you were young and you’ve redirected the anger of some adults that the kids you’ve come across didn’t deserve it. You’ve learned how to do it so that no one notices that you’re using your quirk. People just think you’re just good at de-escalation. 

Your quirk is useful, but it isn’t powerful. You can’t sway the truly determined…or the desperate. 

Your back slams into the wall, head ricocheting from the impact. Your vision blanks for a second, the world swaying as the man in front of you spits as he talks. You can smell the alcohol on his breath. 

“Give it to me!” he snarls, nails sharpening with his quirk in warning. He holds them in front of your face. 

Your heart is beating in your ears and your stomach rolls. How hard did you hit your head? “Hold–hold on,” you say, trying to focus. If the world would stop swaying, you’d be able to reach into your bag and throw your wallet. Or the whole bag. Why did you pick one that went across your chest instead of hanging off your shoulder? Oh, right, so a wanna-be villain couldn’t swipe it as they ran by. 

“Hurry up!”

“What’s the rush?” A voice calls out from the side. You both look at the newcomer. It’s a man but you can’t make out his features with the way he’s silhouetted by the street behind him. 

“It’s none of your business,” your mugger calls out to them. “Get moving before you get hurt.” 

The man laughs. “You think you’ll hurt me?” He moves closer, into the alley where she was dragged. “Anything dealing with her is my business.” 

You frown slightly, confused. Do you know them? The voice isn’t familiar but your head hurts and you just want to go home. 

The person trying to steal from you, who shoved you hard into a wall, turns to them, nails growing longer in response. “I’m telling you, leave. I don’t want to hurt you if I don’t have to.” 

The man grins. “I do.” 

You don’t know what happens next because your vision suddenly goes black and you feel yourself falling as you try to grasp at the wall to keep yourself standing. You feel heat, sudden and viciously hot, and hear someone screaming but it’s overrun by the way someone grabs you. Your vision returns as their arm hooks under your legs. 

“I got you, princess.” You’re held close against their chest and you can feel them move, walking you back towards the street. Light glints off of the metal on their cheek and you catch sight of the disfiguration on half of his face. 

“Hospital,” you say, blinking away the dots that scatter across your vision with the change in lighting. “Please. I think I need a hospital.”

“I know what you need,” he says. He grins as he says it, glancing down at you. His eyes are bright blue, standing out against the rest of his features. He doesn’t say anything else and you’re left to trust this stranger who’s holding you tight and moving determinedly. You wonder what happened to the thief, but put it out of your mind. You just got lucky a hero found you.

You’ve never been more wrong. 

You stare at the man across from you as he leans against the door. Dabi, as he’s introduced himself, didn’t bring you to a hospital or your home. Instead, you’re healed and in his bedroom. You have no idea where exactly that is. 

“Heh, are you really surprised to find out I’m the bad guy?” 

“Let me go,” you say, voice laced with your quirk. You see the way it settles in his eyes and fades just as fast. Your breath catches. That’s not good. He’s not desperate, not with how unconcerned he looks, which means he’s determined. The question is for what? 

“No,” he says. “Not when I finally have you.”

“Have me? For what?” He doesn’t answer. “You can’t just kidnap people! You’re going to let me walk out!” Your voice rings with your power but nothing happens. You feel tears start to build up in your eyes and you try hard to swallow it back. You’re not super emotional but you tend to cry when you’re frustrated or angry. Like it has to be released one way or another. You never expected this to happen. You’re not a hero or anything. Your quirk isn’t powerful. You’re not worth this. 

He moves away from the door, coming towards you. You’re tempted to scramble back, out of his reach, but you refuse to show that you’re afraid. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction. 

He reaches up and brushes one of the tears that fall off of your cheek. You watch as he puts the finger he used in his mouth, tasting it. Your throat tightens at the action. “I was right,” he says softly, sounding more like he’s talking to himself than to you. His eyes meet yours. “Do you know how long I’ve watched you? You’re perfect.”

You stare at him as the words register. “What?” 

His hand grabs the back of your neck and before you can even think, his mouth is on yours. His kiss is hard and demanding, teeth nipping at your lips until you open up for him. His tongue moves against yours and he groans as though it’s something he wants to savour. 

You shouldn’t be doing this. You shouldn’t be letting him kiss you like this, like he hasn’t stolen you away and ignored your demands to be released. You’re not stupid though. If he’s as much of a villain as he says he is, you just need to wait him out. You’ll find your exit one way or another.

“Stop thinking,” he tells you, mouth brushing access yours again before he sucks a mark into your throat. “I’ll show you it’s worth it. You won’t want to run when I’m done.” 

You laugh at the presumptuousness. As if anything would be enough to make you want to stay. You can’t deny you’re curious though. It’s always been your downfall. 

Tears fall as he holds your hips down, mouth moving between your legs and building you closer to the edge that you’ve been thrown off of multiple times already. You’re not sure you’ve ever orgasmed this many times before, not in a row, not with another person. He seems to know exactly what you like. You barely have to direct him. 

You can’t stop yourself from crying from the stimulation even as you begged for more. When he sees it, he pauses, moving to slot his hips between your legs as he kisses you again. You can taste yourself on him, but the thought barely registers when he moves his mouth. He kisses and licks at the tracks of tears. 

“So fucking pretty when you cry,” he mutters against your skin. 

“-m not,” you whine. “Dabi, please!”

“Please what? Hmm?”

You don’t answer, trying to wipe away your tears. You didn’t mean to cry but it felt like too much. Now he was giving you a break and you felt like you could breathe again. 

“Come on, princess. You want more? Let me keep you.”

“No,” you breathe. 

“Tell me,” he demands, hips rocking into yours. He’s hard against you. “Only gonna cry for me. Only I make you feel like this. Admit it.” 

You whine, simultaneously wanting more and less. His hand wraps around your throat, heating slightly. His mouth nips at your jaw before moving against your ear. “Tell me you want me.”

Your head falls back. He’s so close but he’s already made you cum multiple times. You can outlast this. 

His hand burns at your lack of response but it fades just as fast. “You’re mine.”

“No,” you say, half exhausted but kissing him again. 

“Tell me,” he demands.

You don’t answer. 

“Heh,” he says before angling himself and pressing in. He groans into your neck at the sensation. “You will.” 

Obsession Prompts + Another Set of Yandere Prompts

taglist: @raith-way @chrissymunson @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse (also tagging @emerald-valkyrie because it's Dabi...)

#obsession prompt #dabi x reader #dabi x you #mha oneshot #dabi oneshot #i have no idea how good this is...or isn't lol #burnincrown

[booiiee]

Brooklyn Baby

Pairing: Lee Jaehyun (Hyunjae) × Female Reader

Tags: Fluff, Hyunjae is WHIPPED, They bicker- a LOT, they love each other so much, it's pathetic actually, eventual smut (duh), separate tags and warnings for smut in the smut chapter. MINORS DNI!!

For @un-love 🩷🩷

-------

Chapter 1

It's summer of 2024 you've just shifted your whole life to Brooklyn New York, a decision that you and your friends and family had to all collectively take, Brooklyn is expensive and people are rude sometimes but for the first time you're building your life

You love your job, not a lot of therapist can say that specially with how taxing the job can be, but you really love your job, you're one of the most loved therapist at Brooklyn's biggest hospital NewYork-Presbyterian Brooklyn Methodist Hospital (yes i googled that) and let's just say you earn enough to have an entire studio apartment to yourself, something that you've come to realize, you love.

Your job is many things but it is not a job where you have a lot of free time, it might even be busier than working at a fashion magazine like your friend Daisy does,some days she is the only reminder of your life back in your home country, and your love for kpop and a certain kpop idol- Lee Jaehyun from The Boyz.

“Miss Rose, the director wants to see you.” your thoughts were interrupted by your assistant Liz- or Elizabeth, informing you of your rather sudden meeting with the director. Now the old Jasmine would absolutely lose it over being called by the director but moving to a place like Brooklyn from India has made you indifferent to these small anxiety triggering things.

To say that you were surprised would be the understatement of the century. The director had assigned you a patient of your busy (lazy) colleague, some VIP, whose case was “of utmost importance” to the hospital, which in itself was making you angry as if one life was worth more than the other. Nonetheless, you were gonna treat this patient like any other patient.

“Hi, Mr. Eric? I am Dr. Rose. I am taking over your case as of today, as informed. Please follow me this way” you introduce yourself to a tall man with freshly dyed brunette hair with a mask. He must be some high profile person given the way he was avoiding the stares from people.

R- You can keep the mask on until you feel comfortable to talk without them, our session can happen without you having to show your face.

E- Oh that is a relief thank you doctor.

R- So tell me Eric, what do you love doing when you are the most stressed and when you have a lot of leisure time?

E- Oh I thought you’d start with asking me my sickness

R- You say sickness like it is a bad thing

E- Is it not?

R- Well being sick is not great but it is not something derogatory.

*No one is born a patient and no one stays a patient till the end*.

*(From Daily dose of Sunshine)

As far as the questions go, if you’d rather me start with discussing your diagnosis, i am happy to do so

E- No its…its okay we can do your method.

I am skipping the actual therapy part because I am neither a licensed therapist nor a psych student to be writing that.

The 3 weeks you were assigned Eric’s case you found that against your better judgment, you guys were becoming almost friends, which is to say was weird in more ways than one. You were his therapist and you did not know what he looked like. You never asked him to take off his mask. He never mentioned why he prefers to wear one. So you decided you’d start and stay away from him in the hospital corridors when you often bump into each other after his session with your colleague.

E- I know we are not supposed to be friends and all that protocol, but you have really helped me in ways i could never explain and i am not the best person when it comes to gifts but i asked my friend j and he suggested this since you like to read- i've seen all those books in your office

Your gasp was audible to not only Eric but a few staff around as he pulled out a blue box. Eric quickly pulled you aside and for the first time, took off his mask.

R- You’re THE Eric?????

E- I mean I dont really say that about myself but i think you know me? Which is even better, so you know that i can afford this and im not robbing a bank for this gift, which also is not the case cause J bought this really-

R- Wait, I WILL not accept that, and give me a minute Wow! okay.

Eric, hi, I love your music and you'd understand when i say how weird this is to know my patient is a member of the group i love

E- aww doc you’re a fan. That makes me wanna be your friend even moore

R- Yeah, we’re gonna…we’ll talk about that later.

Wait, you're Eric from TBZ, so your friend J who often drops you to your session, the one who bought this SUPER EXPENSIVE gift, is J, Jaehyun? As in, Lee Jaehyun?

E- Yup you got that right! The one and only! In Fact he is on his way up, now that you’ve seen me, we can all talk comfortably

R- Oh No… no no, NO.

E- But why? Do you not like Hyunjae? *Gasp* Are you a hyunjae antiii??

R- WHAT???? NO! I could never hate my Hyunjae! not in this lifetime for suree!!!

“Well that’s good to know, Miss Rose”

You could identify that voice in a room full of noisy people, let alone the silence of the corridor, so you had no choice but to tun around and see a curly haired masked man smiling at you. Oh this is not good for your job.

-----

Chapter 2 will be posted super soon!!

#hyunjae fluff #hyunjae #lee jaehyun #tbz #tbz hyunjae #tbz × reader #the boyz fic #the boyz smut #the boyz fluff #kpop boygroups

[ratcandy]

(Sending this in an ask so I don't spam you with four different comments on your disability post. 💀 No need to reply. Just getting this out there.)

*dumps*

I'm seriously dealing with this right now.

Working on a fic with a potentially disabled robot character. It's not explicitly stated in game, but it is implied.

As a chronically ill person, I really want to lean into it, explore it, and show that the character is loveable and awesome as a disabled person. That there's more to him than what's disabling him without minimizing the impact it has on his life. Because I would want that to be said about me.

But like. He's a robot.

There's no resources available to fix him (LITERALLY fix him. As a robot) where he's located, so his disability is plausible in-game. But if I'm exploring what happens after, where he leaves his current location, the thought of fixing him comes up. There'd probably be resources available in this other place.

I don't want to fix him. I think it would send the wrong message. But also. Not fixing him might send a wrong message too. It might put blame on him, by making it where the only thing keeping him from getting "better" is himself, you know? Implying that he would get "better" if he just let himself get better.

I would really hate for that to be the takeaway from the fic. It's a really crappy way of thinking, and I've had to face similar accusations myself.

So I'm in a bit of an uncanny valley right now.. Not sure what to do about it.

Excuse me for the ramble. I just think it's neat that you posted this when I started really focusing on the issue. Is this a sign. What does it mean for me.

Anyway. The disability removal trope in media has always rubbed me the wrong way with its harmful implications, and it's uncomfortably common. :( Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Okay I'm done. Thanks.

I saw this ask, looked up from my phone in deep thought, went on a whole spiel out loud about it, and then promptly forgot it came from an ask buT I"M HERE NOW, and I wiLL reply because. I think I could maybe offer some thoughts

...And it turns out I have Many Thoughts.

I don't know this robot character you're messing with or to what extent he'd "need" repairs, but I feel there's a few easy questions to ask first before you could decide whether it's a good option for the story! Better, have him Himself grapple with these questions and allow him agency in the decision (aka: Whatever you do, don't force it on him sdhgk)

Since I don't know what disability this robot's got, let's just say he's got an arm that's totally dead. Just can't be used. But just popping it off wouldn't be easy due to the mechanics going on, and perhaps the damage goes further than just the arm.

He's already learned to adapt to how that arm sits. He's learned to balance with the weight of it, knows how to avoid bumping it into things, is totally accustomed to just using one arm.

Now, suddenly, he's in a situation with high-tech engineers who could replace that arm no problem and make it work just as it always did.

Now he's got to ask himself,

"Do I want to?" I mean, obvious question, but really. If he's totally happy with how he lives, not despite his disability but just With It, then what would necessarily be the point of going through a whole procedure? And even if he's not totally happy, but only mildly inconvenienced at best now that he's adapted, is going through with a Robot Surgery and all the struggles of adapting with a new arm worth it?

"Would I be able to adapt to having two arms again?" Depending on how long he's had his disability for, this could be amplified by a lot. If it's been almost his entire life with the disability, having another arm again would be almost totally foreign. He'd have to re-balance himself without the weight, get used to the feeling of electricity circulating on that side of him, learn how to control that arm again, go through whatever the robot equivalent of physical therapy is, and that's IF the arm replacement goes 100% right. Which is another thing...

"What's the chance that the replacement doesn't work?" Assuming he's not given a perfect solution that just will totally work no questions asked, there's always a chance it just won't work. The body may not accept a new arm, the damage may have spread too far and any replacements would have to go further than just the arm, and would he be comfortable with that? And what if it not only doesn't work, but instead makes it worse? Would jamming a new arm into a damaged socket just spread the damage further?

If you want to lean real far into the robot aspect, have an existential crisis but Ship of Theseus style, especially if there's a lot of integral parts that would need repairs. Yknow, the whole "if I replace all the parts of a ship, is it still the same ship?" but in this case, Robot.

Also, from a writer perspective... one of the reasons suddenly curing a disability is seen is Not Great is especially notable in cases where the disability was caused by an injury (as opposed to being born with it). Because then there's likely trauma attached to it. There's trauma that the person/character has had to work through, accept, and learn to move on with. And that's not easy, especially depending on the severity of the disability.

And once they've gone on that journey to live with and embrace their disability, gone through the massive life changes and mental adjustments that are required to proceed with life, suddenly providing a cure will make that journey seem... like it had moot point, kind of.

It'd be like. I dunno, say Character A's ancestor did a bad thing. And they spend the whole story grappling with that bad thing their ancestor did that they had no control over. Near the end of the story they learn to accept it, vow to be better than that ancestor, whatever. Only for the story to end by going "Surprise! That ancestor never did it at all, they were framed! Your bloodline is innocent! Hurray!"

Does that make sense? Suddenly there was no point to any of that. It damages the story As Well as having less than ideal implications.

ANd my last point ....... About the "the only thing keeping him from getting 'better' is himself, you know? Implying that he would get 'better' if he just let himself get better."

I mean... putting aside any implication that being disabled is somehow "lesser" than not being disabled, as I doubt that was your intention,

Again, it mostly depends on the extent of the disability. Is he gonna die without it being fixed? Is he in utterly horrific agony that he's screaming about the entire time while the button for a cure is in front of his face?

Because even THEN, "how will I manage when suddenly NOT disabled" is a question that's gotta be asked and addressed. It might be the totally reasonable decision to have him take a cure, but the Ramifications of sudden curing have gotta be acknowledged, especially if he's been disabled for a while.

Is he choosing to hurt for the sake of hurting, or is it due to being scared/uncertain of what a life not hurting looks like?

OR, if this disability hardly bothers him, then... like. Again. It would make sense to NOT want to go through all the steps to get it repaired if it could just cause more problems. Say it's as something as small as an annoying twitch. Like, say his hands twitch a lot, perhaps even shake. But he's used to it. It's been years and it's just part of how he is now. He doesn't necessarily care to get it fixed, because it's... just part of him. At that point, it'd just be weird to see him as "keeping himself from getting better," because he's... fine? Relatively?

I dunno. For that question I guess it mostly depends on Is He Happy Right Now/is he content with his disability already. Because yea, if he is content, like... who cares if he doesn't fix it. Even if it's more severe like the whole non-functioning arm idea I mentioned earlier. Or hell maybe he's totally paralyzed! Hasn't walked for years! Found other means of mobility and has learned to adapt to it! Is totally happy while being paralyzed! Not mentioning how complicated the ''adapting to suddenly not being disabled anymore'' becomes with something as complex as that If he doesn't mind it too much, then.......... why go through all that trouble if he's Fine, right? Who is being hurt by that?

anyway. That was a really long post. I hope my rambles??? Help you at all with that?? I mean like I said in my original post there can be totally innocent reasons to "cure" a disability in a story, it just has to be handled with care and sensitivity. Give the character some amount of agency in it!

...yknow, like. So long as you're not going down the "i'm so miserable with my disability it's either i get cured or i die" route. because . u know. I don't need to explain why that's not great hopefully sdghKSLJDGH

OK ENOUGH RAMBLING!!!!!!! this gave me many thoughts about robot disability, something I do not typically think about

#VERY long ramble #<-yea that tag belongs on this one #ask #this is very long i'm so sorry. you gave me many thoughts and I wanted to help if I could so I just spilled my thoughts hsdkgHS #as a personal aside/extra for the ''not letting yourself get better'' bit. Yeah i've been on the receiving end of that #and I've said it to others long in the past. But with time I've thought more about it and... well. I've thoughts on that statement #and its uses. many more thoughts than will fit in tags. But in my eyes it's... unfair. To say that to someone. Especially if you don't know #the full extent of what they're going through. #No one can say for certain what another is doing to help themself. If they're truly in a situation to do that at all. #So it's. Ahgh. I'm getting side-tracked. Too much to get into #I HOPE MY RAMBLES HELP. IT'S 1AM!!!!!

[ashperiences]

Exploring, is it good? is it bad? Will it take you nearly two decades and 2 re-releases to actually finish this even though you were really into it every time?

Loved this little bundle of horrors, was going oooh at every new floor gimmick almost the whole way.

Getting myself a steamdeck drew me instantly back into the Labyrinth scribbling on the screen and running from enraged deer. There's a really gripping purity to this one that I don't think the later ones have matched, the amount that it allows its own quietness to hold it up is really admirable I think.

The arts evocative, the town does just enough to feel like a place and the obsessive explorer mentality is fed just enough little worldly connections to feel like you're part of some real process. Even little annoying things like forgetting an ariadne thread or switching your landsknecht between her axe and sword for different scenarios just feel like a connection to all the small maintenance and moments and expertise of taking on a profession.

Great and simple example of mechanics telling stories, illustrated perfectly in realising how you remember those desperate mad at yourself struggles back to the surface more than you ever would the successful instant teleport escapes.

All the room you have to get pulled into imagining your little guys internality or lose yourself in the flow of explore, discover, become stronger, push further mindset of it all pays off wonderfully towards the end too.

For all the simplicity on the face of this thing - just a dungeon crawler, just a few npcs to run into occasionally, a world of menus and dungeon tiles, kill monsters get stronger kill more monsters etc. I don't know that I've ever had a game make me so hesitant to accept a mission that I just left the menu and spent ages just wandering around trying to will an alternate path into existence or otherwise just avoid going back and acknowledging what I have to do to continue.

The way it takes your joyful explorer conditioned brain and your attachment to your imaginary friends and stamps on it is so sick. To progress you have to do something horrible, you're free to not accept the mission of course but once you do your image of all this becomes so immediately warped. It's honestly incredible because despite how jarring it is you can't say it isn't a logical progression.

The game takes the logic of killing as a profession and the drive to push on no matter your obstacles in the name of discovery and mastery and makes you confront the banality of actual cruelty that just stems from going with the flow, focusing on nothing but your own goals or just following orders.

The shock of it hits really well, the desire to reject it melting gradually into beleaguered acceptance that your party isn't who you thought they were, the knowledge that you are going ahead with this because you just need to know what lies beyond it, that your mindset as a player aligns with the force driving the adventurer (much as in real life) to atrocity lest they have to stop being who they are.

The game honestly barely lingers on it, to the men handing out these orders and their society this is another non-event, yet another successful expedition and victorious fighters. Its that coldness and suddenness that makes it work so well, the games not going to confront you with a moral question or judge you, mechanically it'll celebrate you even, but it knows that and it knows what it's asking you to do. Just like with your imagined characters the world of the game is willing to let you process and explain your own journey.

Hauntingly coldly present, left unjustified and uncommented on you are left only with dealing with the jarring disconnect between the fun low stakes heroism and the choice to quit or confront what a soldier for hire and a mastery of violence is ultimately for. Its one of my favourite little moments in video games and I think the people who quit the game cus they can't bear to go on with it are a real proof of its ability to tug on the players imagination. It's something that almost forces you to role play, every player reaction fits in as a part of the story. It never needs to harp on about big choices or morality, it doesn't need you to be important, it's your lack of freedom and the world's lack of interest in your dilemma that make it land.

It's evil as just another job to do going with the flow of the role you've found instead of evil as big decisions and uncomplicatedly powerful people's good or bad intentions.

While the game doesn't make much direct commentary, content to communicate without words, what it does go on to tell you is that your actions ultimately bring about the slow end of your own people too, dragons dogma ending style stuff about wrenching all the content out of a game leaving you in a lifeless world presented a little more economically.

I guess the true success of this one is that it left me just thinking about all the ways my party would've fallen apart, drifted into other things, ended up damaged people and etc. left as I was in the gap made in a world that allowed us to follow strength to its conclusion and never punished us with anything but our own quiet guilt.

Left to imagine those funny kids conditioned into killers and how everyone just gets away with it, how easily horror can be rendered down to just banal acceptance and how simple it is to push someone forward by offering something as a matter of course not to be thought about. Accept. Decline.

I love it, fuck that ice dragon also.

#etrian odyssey #video games #rpg #drpg