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ssamie · 3 years

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ten. “greatest desire”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide, guns & cementaries

masterlist. suicide freak!

"uh hi.. i know we don't really know each other that much.." atsushi started off. the boy had a nervous smile on his face as he stiffly waves at kenma, with tanizaki and naomi by his side

"but have you seen y/n-san?" atsushi asked

"y/n? why, what happened to her?" kenma asked worriedly

atsushi, tanizaki and naomi were stood in front of nekoma's gym, trying to look for the girl, as per the president's wishes. "its been about a day since you guys went out to the arcade, right?" tanizaki chimed in "has she shown herself to you, or atleast texted any of you?"

kenma frowned as he shook his head no. he looked back at the team who were trying to act like they weren't eavesdropping.

"no.. i just assumed she was busy with work" kenma muttered

"hmm, i tried to ask ranpo-san but he's too busy" naomi chimed in as she hugged tanizaki's arm to her chest

"oya oya, sorry to barge in on the conversation-" kuroo interjected. the captain had a sly grin on his face as he walked towards the group. "but we just so happen to overhear something about our manager going missing?" kuroo mused

"yes, sorry if we're intruding" atsushi bowed

"but y/n-san went missing again, and the president ordered us to find her in under four hours" tanizaki sighed

"or else we get our asses handed to us" atsushi shuddered

kuroo and kenma gave each other a look and nodded along. "we'll try to look for her later" kuroo said "we'll let you guys know"

"thank you so much!" atsushi exclaimed with a smile "would you mind calling the agency if you find her?" he said as he handed them a piece of paper with the agency's number

"its really hard tracking her down" tanizaki says with a chuckle "when she chooses to disappear, it's like she never existed in the first place"

"anyways, we'll be on our way" atsushi excused "we've troubled you long enough"

"its no problem.." kenma muttered

naomi waved them goodbye as they walked away. the duo waving back meekly as they watch their retreating figures disappear.

"hey, you okay?" kuroo nudged his friend kenma nodded and looked down at his shoes "yeah.."

"i think i'll go look for her now" kenma muttered "eh? kenma, we could just go later" kuroo said with a raised brow

"im going. bye" kenma muttered, completely disregarding kuroo as he went straight out the door

"where's he going?" yaku asked as he peeked his head out the gym doors "he's gonna look for y/n" kuroo answered

"damn. what a simp" yamamoto sneered

"wow. that's rich coming from you."

"i swear to god.." kenma grumbled "if she ends up getting found in a ditch and i wasted all that time running around for nothing.." he scoffed

he's been running around the streets of tokyo, passing through every street and alleyway to try and look for the girl. so far he hasn't seen a single trace of her, not even a single person who has managed to pass by her.

"y/n.." kenma huffed out. he was currently by a riverbank, leaning against the metal railings of the bridge while he tried to catch his breath.

"you called?"

kenma jumped at the sudden emission of her oh-so-familiar voice, and turned around to face her "what the- y/n?! where did you come from?!" kenma shrieked out

"also, where have you been?! atsushi-kun and a bunch of people from your job came to the school today looking for you" he said

y/n chuckled and strode over to his side, jumping over the rails and sitting on the flat surface of the bars. "if i told you that the port mafia took me hostage and threatened to execute me, would you believe it?" she mused

"no."

"then i won't bother to say" she shrugged

kenma eyed her warily. her port mafia story could actually be believable, now that he thought about it. given as, her bandages were loosened and torn, almost as if they broke off with too much movement. and along with the dried blood resting upon her cheeks and hands.

"are you okay?" kenma asked worriedly

even if it was believable, it could've been just her trying to kill herself yet again. not that it was any better

"of course" she smiled "though my body is a bit sore.. chuuya really doesn't hold back"

kenma froze and slowly turned his head towards her with a blank and emotionless look on his face.

"chuuya doesn't what." kenma spat out "did you seriously disappear to hook up with that dog? that-that man child? that eyesore? that-"

"what are you talking about?" she laughed

kenma huffed and propped his elbow on the cold metal, resting his chin on his hand as he pouted

"you're really funny, kenma-kun" she mused

"really? cause im not laughing." kenma grumbled "i ran around the whole city for you, only to find out you ran off with some guy" his honey hued orbs eyed her down, watching her chuckle softly as the golden rays of the sun illuminated the surroundings around her

"y/n.." he mumbled "why did you really disappear?"

"i already told you" she replied with a sigh "the port mafia is truly a force to reckon with"

"that's why you gotta stay safe, kenma-kun" she mused "you never know who and when they'll strike next"

kenma sighed and nodded along. it was old news -- the port mafia, that is -- its been stirring up the whole city for the past few months.

"ne, kenma-kun" she called out "if we do end up dying alongside each other, i suggest we drown ourselves in this river." she said

she stared down at the flowing water, the golden colour of the setting sun reflecting off of it. "its clear and pretty, not much people are around.. its quite tranquil." she hummed

"i never really understood this.." kenma muttered "but why are you so intent on dying?"

"and i never understood you, and so many others." she replied "tell me, kenma.." she turned to face him, her bandaged hands loosely gripping the railings, as her legs and feet dangle off the ledge.

"do you really think there's any value in the act of living?"

kenma didn't answer. instead he stared at her, and her clouded eyes, each orb holding an unforgivable amount of sin and deciet that he could only imagine.

"well.. is there any value in the act of dying?" he asked back

she blinked dumbfoundedly at him, fairly shocked at his question.

"isn't there anything else you desire? life is kinda cool too yaknow?" kenma said in a sheepish tone

she stared at him a few minutes longer before averting her gaze. she chuckled and closed her eyes as the cold wind breezed past. "man fears death, and at the same time, man is drawn to death" she said

"its a singular event in one's life that no one may reverse" she hummed "and that is my greatest desire."

kenma didn't know how to reply to that, so he didn't. he simply looked down up at the setting sun, letting silence wash upon them both.

"hey kenma" she called out. kenma looked at her, curious and wary. "yes?" he asked

"wanna hang with an old friend with me?" she suggested with a soft smile

"me? won't that be intrusive though? i don't really know them.." kenma muttered nervously

"it's fine. he'd probably be happy i even talk to people my age" she said with a chuckle. she jumped off the railings and landed on the ground with a grin. she stretched her aching arms over her head and patted kenma's back.

"he's a lot like you" she mused "always saying life is worth living and all.."

"okay then.." kenma agreed reluctantly "but if i sense that person doesn't like me one bit, im leaving." he groaned out

"im pretty sure that won't happen" she chuckled sheepishly

"why are we in a cementary?" kenma grumbled

"is this where you kill us both?" he scoffed playfully "i wouldn't be surprised if you already have a hole dug for us"

she chuckled and shook her head "no, no" she mused "were just taking a small stroll" she cooed as she looked around the awfully empty surrounding "ah! there it is" she perked up "it's been so long since i went here that i almost forgot my way around"

kenma followed her as she skipped away, though he was quite confused, he didn't question her.

"hurry, kenma" she called out as she watched him struggle to walk faster "i hate you" he grumbled back, which she chose to ignore

she smiled softly as she stood infront of the oh-so-familiar grave.

"geez." she mumbled "its been so long since we hung out, odasaku"

"shame we couldn't meet at the usual place" she chuckled and sat down on the grassy ground. she leaned back on the gravestone, resting her back against it as she waited for kenma to arrive

"y/n?" on cue, kenma chimed in. he was panting slightly, most likely from running and walking around for so long "what are you doing?" kenma raised a brow at her

"kozume kenma-kun.." she called out

"yes?" he asnwered

"do you know whose grave this is?" she mused, pointing her thumb to the gravestone she was leaning on

kenma eyed the name engraved on the stone and shook his head. "no..but it's someone dear to you, right?"

"what makes you think that?" she hummed out in amusement

"i've never seen you pay visit to a grave before" kenma muttered. the pudding head hesitantly sat down infront of her, bowing at the grave before settling down on the ground.

"does it look like im visiting a grave to you?" she asked with curiosity

"it does.. why?"

she smiled softly and leaned her head back, letting it fall and her eyes to land straight at the cloudy sky "well, i thought of it as hanging out with a friend but.." she trailed off

"i guess that works too" she sighed out

kenma frowned as he watched her close her eyes. her smile faltering as a wave of comforting silence washed upon them. "im sorry" kenma muttered "i shouldn't have said anything.."

"its fine." she chuckled "its been years since he died." she smiled bitterly "i guess it's time someone snaps me out of my daydreams"

kenma didn't respond. he simply toyed with the grass on the ground and the few flowers littered around.

"yaknow, kenma" she said with a smile "you're the first person i brought here"

"me? why?" kenma asked in surprise and confusion

"because this friend of mine was a good man." she said "he told me to try and look for my reason to live."

"and i think i found it" she whispered as he looked into his eyes

kenma blinked in shock as he basked in her awfully heartwarming words.

"my reason to live is to die with you."

"of course. its gonna be about suicide again." kenma sighed dejectedly. "but y/n, if you think of me as your reason to live.. then i'll take it upon myself to keep you alive" kenma smiled at her, tucking his blond hair behind his ears as he kept his honey hued orbs trained on hers.

"kenma.." she teared up

she blinked repeatedly as she opened her mouth to speak.

"i.. I DON'T WANT THAT! I WANNA DIE WITH YOU!" she whined loudly "i already had our suicide planned! i even suggested the whole river thing a while ago!" she exclaimed

kenma deadpanned as he watched her ramble on and on about her ideal double suicide. "i really don't care." kenma groaned out "i don't want you to die." he whined "why do you keep trying to kill yourself"

"just because, okay?!"

"just for that, im gonna call your agency and hand you over" kenma sighed as he dialled the agency's number

"traitor!" she shrieked "kunikida-kun will undoubtedly beat me up" kenma ignored her as he started speaking on the phone.

"yes, she's with me.." he muttered "is she behaved?" he repeated the question as he sent her a pointed glare

"no, not really" he scoffed

"kenma, you're heartless!" she shrieked in horror

"cmon. let's atleast pay respects to your friend before we leave" kenma said with a sigh "dont worry, kenma-kun! i already thought this through" she grinned. she then pulled out a bottle of sake and a book and placed it on the ground.

"you brought him alcohol? seriously?" kenma furrowed his brows

"hey, it's two of his favourite things, okay?" she defended with a laugh

"do you know how ridiculous i looked while buying these things at the store?" she chuckled "they thought i was a madman or something!"

"i would've too" kenma answered back

"you're so mean to me, kenma" she pouted "anyways, we should go." she said as she dusted her pants and unravelled a thin layer of her torn bandages.

"i can't wait to tell you about this suicide method i learned about." she beamed. she tugged on his arm and pulled him away as she continued to blabber on his ear "apparently this one does the job right away!" she exclaimed

"can you believe it, kenma?"

"wow. crazy." he replied dryly

"yeah, and all we gotta do is shoot ourselves with these guns-"

"no."

"oh my, this almost feels like a welcome home party!" she cheered. she gave the detectives a close eyed smile while they simply stared back at her with a look of agitation and worry

"where the hell were you?!" kunikida exclaimed angrily as he tapped his foot on the ground

"the port mafia!" she answered back nonchalantly

they all perked up in surprise from her claim. "huh?! the port mafia?!"

"hai hai! but don't make a big deal about it!" she chuckled as she waved her hands dismissively

"you could've died!" kunikida exclaimed "now, now! i'd like to think of it as akutagawa-kun needing some attention that's all" she joked

"jesus christ" kunikida sighed as he adjusted his glasses "that boy could kill you and you still won't take him seriously"

"anyways, why is he here?" he asked as he pointed to kenma, who simply ignored him and avoided their eyes as he played on his phone

"oh! he's the one who found me, so i thought it'd be right for me to repay him" she smiled brightly as she squeezed kenma to her chest, all while he unbotherdly continued on with his game

"i've thought of so many fun things we could do back in my dorm, hehehe~" she chuckled mischievously as kenma's face paled. she only gripped him tighter when he tried to scurry away.

"i- i see.." kunikida stuttered out. he looked at them with wide eyes as she started squeezing him tighter while kenma tried to pry her off

"y/n, you're strangling me!" kenma huffed out "i know!" she grinned

"we'll leave you two alone then!" kenji said with his usual smile as he ushered the others away

"they're worse than tanizaki-kun and naomi-san.." atsushi shuddered "that's because she's trying to kill him" tanizaki sweat dropped

"and herself, as well" yosano sneered "go get your man!" she cheered as she sent y/n a sneaky wink

"yosano-san! don't encourage her!"

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jaskiersbeloved · 4 years

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the (not so) calm before the storm

summary: He was the Prince! But was he really?

authors note: This is my first fic for the Sanders Sides fandom so I am acyually pretty nervous about how this one went. But I hope you liked it!

Come and yell at me, if you want!

spoilers from “putting others first”!

Read on AO3

The wind was blowing hard outside the window. The rain was pouring even harder, almost muffling the sound of the soft piano melody that was filling the room.

In the middle of it there was a bed. A bed, that could easily fit in two grown men. It was a bed, that would certainly be worthy of a ...

"Prince" scoffed Roman.

He was sitting just at the very edge of it. In his hands was the red sash that he would so proudly wore everyday. But not today. Not after everything that has happened.

Patton... Could be wrong. De... JANUS was a person who was worthy of trust, of all things sacred! The literal embodiment of lies!

Careful Roman. If it weren't for the moustache I wouldn't know who the evil twin is.

Roman squeezed his eyes tighter, feeling the tears that began to once again fall down from his face.

Let's move on to something we're both familiar with, Roman. Mistakes.

He has made a mistake. A huge mistake that had cost Thomas his happiness...

... and mental health points.

Roman groaned, falling back on the bed. Since he has sunk out, the snake's voice couldn't leave his head.

He hated Dec... Janus. Hated him so much. For manipulating him from the get go, for bringing up his confidence just to crush it down, but most of all...

For sounding so RIGHT.

Roman wiped his face angrily with his sleeve and looked at his sash.

To most people it was just a simple accessory. A decoration, a pop of colour that would stand out from his white robes. Not so quite for Roman. He always thought of it as a clear sign of his prince-like status. And what are the main principles of being a prince?

To be just. Kind. Approachable. Morally good. Selfless. Brave. Strong. Noble. Loved by everyone.

Am I worthy to still be the Prince that Thomas wants me to be? Roman wondered, nervously ruffing his hair.

He tried to be just during the trail. He tried so much. But it looked like it wasn't enough. He hated to admit that, but Janus was right. The decision he made that day served literally no-one. Especially not Thomas.

Kind? No, definitely no. He laughed at Janus' name. Roman mentally cringed at the memory of it. That wasn't kind, but cruel. And it was the same mistake that he did with... Right, next.

Approachable. Yes, that he still was. If Thomas or the others needed him he would still appear, no matter how he would feel.

He couldn't help but scoff. The ugly feeling inside of him, that appeared during the video grew stronger, making him feel cold.

Wasn't the whole point of the video to also take care of one's mental health before helping others? And what was his advice worth anyway? It's not like anyone would listen to him...

Morally good. No. They did talk about it a LOT today. If he'd spared it one more thought he would explode.

Selfless. He tried to be. He tried to be so hard that he actually hurt everyone.

Roman jumped at the realization.

He has hurt Thomas. The very person he has sworn to protect. He did that. His actions did that.

The feeling grew stronger.

The creative side clutched the sash tighter, looking at it, as it would hold the explanations, reassurances he needed. He started to breathe quicker, as he continued down the list.

Brave and strong. Yeah, in the Imagination he was. But that's all it was. Imagination. It was relatively easy to fight with the dragon witch, because he knew he was ought to win. There was simply no other option. But in the real life? During the confrontation with any other of the sides? He would lash out out of fear of being mistaken. That isn't real strength. The imaginary battles served absolutely no one if they didn't pay off in real life. They were purposeless.

The tears fell again, staining the sash. The only sound that was coming to Roman has been his own frantic breathing. He couldn't stop thinking.

Noble.

I was actually impressed with you. You made such a NOBLE sacrifice.

Frustrated he covered his ears.

"Get out of my head!" he yelled, choking on his tears.

Loved by everyone.

We love you.

No.

No they don't.

And that's when the tame broke. Roman curled inside himself, crying. He dropped the sash and clutched his hair in a death grip.

What is right? What is good? What is kind? What is just?

He's the prince, for god's sake! He should know!

But he didn't. He didn't. And that terrified him.

Suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe. Absolutely no air was entering his lungs. He started to choke.

Instinctively he brought a hand over his chest, as he fought, he fought for one gulp of air to enter, so he could stop choking, but he couldn't, he couldn't, he...

Suddenly a hand landed on his shoulder. Startled he tore his eyes from his knees and looked up... Right into Virgil's worried glance.

"Ro," he said gently "calm down. Everything's okay."

It's not! Can't he see?!

Seeing as he started to choke again, Virgil swiftly tore Roman's hand from his clammy chest to his warm one.

"Roman" he said, without breaking the eye contact. "Breathe. Just like I do now. In." Under his fingers, Roman could feel how Virgil's chest rose and heard how the anxious side slowly drew his breath through his nose. He tried to mimic that, but the movement caused him only to cough.

Vigil sent him a weak smile.

"Try again" he prompted, with a still gentle voice.

Seeing his earnest glance Roman tried again. This time no coughing. The precious, precious air, finally filled his lungs. He closed his eyes.

"Out" he heard Virgil saying. He did just that.

They sat there, just breathing, until Roman felt calmer. But then the shame came. Suddenly he felt very stupid. Some prince he was, to break down just like that!

He tried to scoot himself back, but Virgil's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Ro?"

That damn tone again.

Virgil was never THAT gentle. What has Roman even done to deserve that?! He has hurt Virgil in the past, so what on Cinderella's glass slipper has he done to deserve that?!

"W- what..." he managed to croak and then coughed. His throat was dry. Probably because of all of that needless panicking. "What are you doing here?" he finally said, avoiding Virgil's eyes.

He heard a sigh.

"Well... I kinda heard what has happened and sensed that you're anxious so..."

Roman shook his head in a silent disbelief. So Virgil knew what happened. Why was he with him? Shouldn't he... Take care of Patton? He was much more important than him.

"I don't need pity" he muttered. The hand on his shoulder gripped him a bit tighter.

"I don't pity you, Princey" He couldn't help but flinch at the familiar nickname. Princey. Yeah. Sure.

If Virgil noticed the flinch he didn't mention it. He seemingly decided to just continue.

"I actually wanted to tell you something."

Roman completely froze. He felt his anxiety spike. He clutched helplessly at the cover of the bed, waiting.

"There is but one essential justice which cements society, and one law which enables justice. This law is the right reason, which is the true rule of all commandments and prohibitions. Whoever neglects this law, whether written or unwritten, is necessarily unjust and wicked."

Roman blinked and dared to look at Virgil. He anxiously run his hand through his hair.

"I don't understand" he whispered, looking at the other side with glassy eyes. Virgil looked like he wanted to chuckle, but thought the better of it.

"What I mean is, Sir Singalot" he began, scooting closer to Roman. The creative side felt himself relax, a little bit. "Is that you had a right reason when you chose to decide to go to the wedding. You heard us all, and..." he chewed on his lip. "...and even though we all... Pressured you, you did what you thought was best for Thomas. You did that, because you felt it was okay. You didn't do that just to spite someone. You couldn't have predicted what would happen. No-one could. Beating yourself over that won't do you any good, trust me."

Roman sighed. Deeply.

"You see, I kinda know that" he said, again avoiding looking at Virgil. "But also... It's not why I am so upset."

"Is it because of Deceit?" he heard Virgil say. He scoffed, staring at the wall in front of him.

"Of course it is" he muttered angrily.

Because Roman would make ya sick.

His brother's voice rang in his head. Roman pressed his lips, trying to stop his tears from falling.

Silence fell over the two of them.

I wouldn't know who the evil twin is.

If Patton can be wrong... Then whose to say that Roman actually is the good twin? He had listed all of the principles of the prince and... And he couldn't fit in almost any of them! Whose to say that Remus of all people didn't have all of those in him? Maybe he should take the wheel? Maybe Roman should simply...

"Virgil?" he whispered.

"Hm?"

"How did you duck out?"

Virgil immediately sat up.

"What?" he asked. Roman winced, hearing how terrified his voice sounded. Great. He's on a good way to hurt yet another person.

"How did you duck out?" he repeated, quietly this time.

He felt as Virgil hands turned his head, so that he could face him. And he immediately wished he didn't.

Virgil looked... Worried. Terrified out of his mind. And above all of that he looked...

Great Roman. You did it. You managed to hurt the last person in this fucking household!

"Roman" Virgil said, his voice actually wavering, full of emotions. What emotions, Roman couldn't say.

"You... You don't actually..." Roman hung his head, feeling the tears welling in his eyes yet again.

"Roman" Virgil repeated with a panicky note in his voice. "Promise me, promise you don't..."

"I DON'T KNOW!" he snapped, breaking from Virgil's hold. Angry tears started to fall down from his face. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Patton can be wrong Virgil! And it was HIM that said I'm the good one! But if he's wrong then whose to say I am not bad?! If Deciet's a good guy now, then everything's... Everyone can be bad! I can be bad!" he yelled.

Virgil just started blankly at him, clearly at loss as to what to do. Roman laughed hysterically. At that moment, what he said hit him with a full force of it.

I can be the bad one.

He slumped down on the bed.

"I can be the bad one" he repeated with an empty voice. And then he covered his eyes and started to openly weep.

Just a moment later he felt a pair of arms pulling him in. His head fell on a chest and be couldn't do anything other than just clutch to the fabric of the black hoodie and cry his eyes out. He felt as Virgil started to gently rock them, trying to calm him down.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that. It honestly didn't matter to him. But at the end of it he just felt... Numb. Numb and so, so tired, mostly because of the crying. Virgil was still holding him, gently stroking his back, which made Roman kind of sleepy. He closed his eyes. Just for a second, he thought to himself. They've just established that it's actually good to be selfish anyway and...

He drifted off.

Virgil sighed, as he felt Roman relaxing.

Logan actually filled him in earlier, and what the logical side didn't tell him, a very worried Patton did. And Virgil. Was. Furious.

Not only Janus was accepted. But he also made Roman and Patton feel like absolute shit. So he went to Roman's room. Patton told him, that he actually wanted to do it, but Virgil just gritted through his teeth, that maybe it's best he'd do it.

As it turned out, it was the right thing to do. Virgil honestly didn't want to think how the conversation would have gone if Patton were the one who would tried to comfort Roman. Fuck, he himself wasn't sure if he actually did a better job, but at least Roman was resting.

He carefully untangled himself from the Prince and as quietly as he could tucked him in.

Leaving the bed he noticed a red cloth lying on the floor. He took it and covered his mouth to muffle to gasp that escaped him when he noticed it was actually Roman's sash. How bad did Roman feel to just abandon one of his favourite accessories like that?

Virgil didn't know. But that was a conversation for another day. Roman needed to rest.

So he folded the sash and laid it on the nightstand, feeling absolutely tired. They had to fix that. Fast.

As he was about to leave when a realization struck him. He turned around and looked at Roman's sleeping form.

How did you duck out?

Promise me...

Roman didn't promise.

#sanders sides #sanders sides spoilers #sanders side fic #prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #ts spoilers #sonia tries to write

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tim-burton-bitch · 3 years

Text

Tw: pre-romantic prinxiety, breakdowns, crying, semi-shitty writing, I think cursing this has been sitting in google for a while I wrote this back in like early November at 3 am let me know if there's any others oh and FWSA spoilers

This was written at like 3am and follows a headcanon of Roman having synesthesia in which he paints and describes sounds as imagery and an idea from a comic (unsure who wrote it) where Janus never actually told the dark sides his name this is hurt/comfort right after SvS Redux this also follows the fact Virgil is CENTER BRAIN FIGHT OR FLIGHT IS THE AMYGDALA GUYS CAN SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE DO CENTER BRAIN VIRGIL CONTENT I'M STARVED OF IT anyways and my headcanon that he is also in charge of things that either trigger anxiety or are triggered by anxiety such as depression and neuro-diversity my take on the purple eyeshadow and semi-soft side of Virgil my second oneshot takes place in this same timeline and can be found here

Word count: 2,485 words

Virgil was in his room listening to his music. He had his sketchbook across his lap, his art case was open beside him. Currently he was half way through Soft Shock. He wasn't particularly listening, it was more for background noise than anything. He was humming along absent mindedly drawing as his mind wandered.

Suddenly he snapped back to reality as he felt the bed beneath him sink down with sudden weight. He looked up startled instinctively covering his art, which he now realized was a profile of Roman. He looked to see said prince he had just been drawing in front of him. Roman was looking down at his hands. It was quiet for a moment, Virgil was just about to ask what the hell Roman was doing there when the Prince began to shake. Virgil was speechless as the small shakes quickly turned into jerky sobs. Virgil stared at Roman for a second before closing his sketchpad and reaching a hand towards to crying prince.

"Princey, hey Princey what's... what's wrong?" Virgil didn't understand. He had chosen to stay in his room and calm down instead of taking part in the video. The wedding hadn't gone well and Thomas wasn't the only one thoroughly upset about it. Virgil hadn't thought anything of his decision figuring Thomas could vent about it all on his own to the others. The anxious side needed some down time to calm both his and Thomas' nerves. Now. He was beginning to question the decision.

At first Roman gave no response. He just continued to shake letting tears slip out. Virgil's hand never moved from his shoulder. Being the side in charge of Thomas' amygdala meant he knew how sometimes you just needed to cry a moment with company. With no judgment, no constant pushing to know what's wrong. Just a shoulder to cry on as you gather your thoughts.

Roman looked up. His eyes met Virgil's and he took a shaky breath. "I-" He felt another wave of tears hit him. He paused trying not to cry anymore than he already had. He felt embarrassed. He had meant to come here and invite Virgil to another Disney marathon. Take his mind off of what had happened. Instead he broke down. An how was that fair on Virgil?

"Shhh it's ok take your time. There's no rush to tell me what happened. If you don't want to tell me that's fine too. Sometimes you just nee company, a shoulder to cry on. Believe me I understand. Tell me when you're ready and only if you want okay?" Virgil's voice was soft and understanding. And yet. He didn't sound condescending in the slightest. Roman had never heard Virgil use this tone of voice. It was calming. He felt.... safe and... listened to. He nodded his head realizing Virgil was still waiting for a response of some kind. Virgil gave him his small sweet smile that never failed to melt Roman's heart.

Roman took a deep breath before saying, "I-I do wanna tell you Virge... I do. I just..." He swallowed back another lump of emotion. He couldn't even explain the problem. What was WRONG with him? And yet, despite Roman never finding the words to explain... Virgil's eyes were understanding. Soft and warm, looking at Roman so invitingly. Roman hesitated before leaning in and clinging onto the anxious side in front of him and sobbing. Virgil was startled and Roman clung to his body. He was used to being the one breaking down and he wasn't sure how he could help much. Then again, he WAS the one to break down usually. What helped him? Or what did he wish people would do to help?

Virgil slowly wrapped his arms around Roman's head. Pulling him down into his lap. Letting the fanciful side bury his face into Virgil's shoulder. He softly began to run a hand through Roman's hair, hoping this didn't upset the prince more. He began quietly calming the man in his arms whispering into his ear that he was here. And he wasn't going anywhere, no matter what happened he was there as Roman needed him.

Roman pulled back swiping at his eyes sniffling quietly. He looked down at his lap sniffling once more before murmuring "I-I'm sorry." Despite having pulled back he was still directly in front of Virgil, who was still leaning against the headboard now giving him a questioning look. "For... for this. For... whatever THIS is...." Roman trailed off looking back down at his shaking hands. "It's- it's stupid... I don't know why I'm crying really, I-" he trailed off again.

Virgil leaned forward placing his hands over Roman's to calm him. "Roman it isn't stupid. Whatever this is about clearly bothered you a lot and your feelings are entirely valid no maatter-”

"NO! Virgil it isn't fair on you I'm just bothering you with my problems and you had nothing to do with any of what happened. It isn't fair on you for me to drag you into my problems!" Roman cut Virgil off tears beginning to well up in his eyes again. Virgil stared at him. He was stunned and the look on Roman's face hurt Virgil's heart more than anything ever had.

Virgil sat up properly, taking his hands back to do so. He brought one hand back forward to grab one of Roman's the other reaching out and cupping the prince's face. "Hey, shhh.... it's okay, I promise," Virgil's whisper was soft and comforting as he slowly wiped away a few more stray tears from Roman's face. His other hand rubbing circles comfortingly on the back of Roman's, "Roman whatever bothered you really is valid. And I'm not upset you came here. In fact it's the opposite. I'm glad you trust me enough to come to me with this." He paused, "Roman. You can come to me whenever you need to, whenever you feel like this. I'll listen when you need to vent and I'll be here when you break down. I am HAPPY to help you in anyway I can so please, PLEASE don't invalidate your feelings or think in anyway this inconveniences me. Or bothers me or anything, okay? Can you promise me that?"

Roman was quiet, he stared into VIrgil's dark warm welcoming orbs. Slowly he nodded. Virgil smiled, "So, did you want to tell me what happened or just sit and watch something or whatever?"

Roman laughed, his heart was still heavy and felt weighted down but he couldn't help it. The laughter was short lived though, he let out a sigh as he rubbed a hand down the side of his face. Taking a deep breath in he turned to Virgil and asked, "Do you think lying has it's place?"

Virgil looked at him questioningly as he shifted suddenly a tad uncomfortable. "Well..." he started. Thinking on his answer. He hummed thoughtfully, "Is this about lying as a concept or about Deciet?" he asked suddenly.

Roman looked down and sighed again, "Both I guess...." he turned towards Virgil, "Janus stopped by today during the video. And things got a little complicated, and now I'm confused and don't know what is right or wrong. Everything is upside down and Patton Logan and Thomas are agreeing with Janus and- a-a-and I feel... useless. And I don't know...." He sighed tears streaking down his face again, "I was meant to be Thomas' hero. But lately... I feel more and more like I'm steering him wrong. I-"

Virgil cut Roman off suddenly, "Okay great that we're making headway and all, but... I'm going to have to ask you to backtrack a second before we dive into the angst." Roman looked puzzlingly at Virgil who was quiet a second before asking, "Er... Who- who's Janus?"

Roman stared at VIrgil unsure if he was joking. But Virgil's face was purely confused, his head cocked to the side just slightly, eyebrows knit together one slightly raised his left eye the slightest bit closed and a small pout on his lips. Roman's heart stuttered as he continued to stare at Virgil in astonishment. "Has... has Deceit never told you his name is Janus?"

It was Virgil's turn to stare at Roman, "No???? He hasn't???"

Roman laughed, "I could HEAR the multiple question marks in your voice! Oh my God!" Virgil continued to stare before bursting into a fit of laughter himself.

Tears formed in Virgil's eyes as the shadows beneath his eyes became a brilliant purple. He brought his hand up to rub the mirth from his eyes. "Oh my God! I mean we ARE gay!" he laughed. His laughter cut short when he noticed Roman was staring at him.

Suddenly realizing he didn't have his usual foundation and concealer on with his black eyeshadow to cover those awful freakish markings beneath his eyes he quickly stopped laughing. Romans eyes were still on him and Virgil began to panic.

While Virgil had this realization Roman was having two entirely different realizations. One being that he never heard Virgil TRULY laugh before. He had yet to even fully redgistered the purple shadow that was suddenly black again, far to caught up in the sound of Virgil's laughter ringing in his ears. God, he could listen to that sound until he died and never grow annoyed of it.

"Virgil- You- your laugh! I've never heard it before! I mean I've heard you chuckle and snort sometimes but... WOW...." Virgil stared at the man in front of him. The tone used by the fanciful side before him describing his laugh made his heart skip a beat. He could feel the shadow beneath his eyes going purple and his face going pink.

"I- I guess... I don't know... it's not like it's anything special.... kinda... loud and annoyin really..."

"NONSENSE!! Virgil your laugh! I- I don't even know how to describe it! It's like... like the sound of waves crashing against the cliffside, with the wistling of wind as you walk along a cliff overlooking the sea, JUST before a storm, that breathtaking sound which breaks the ear clogging silence caused by the overhanging clouds. And yet, it IS the ear clogging silence that you enjoy with the sound of the crashing waves and wistling wind." As the words flew from Roman's mouth Virgil's blush deepend his shadow growing all the more purple. Until it was so vibrant there was no missing it even in the darkly lit room. "Virgil... your eyeshadow. Wasn't it black when I came in? Surely I would have noticed by now if it was such a wonderous purple as what lies beneath your eyes now," Roman's calling attention to the shadow caused Virgil to panic once again and the shadow to go a deep black, confusing Roman all the more. "Virgil what? How?"

"I- well- um..." Virgil's voice was small as his heart rate increased.

"Virgil it's okay, you can tell me whatever it is. I promise!"

Virgil took a deep breath turning away and hiding in his hoodie pulling up the hood. He glanced to Roman's awaiting confused face hands fidgeting with the hoodie's strings, "I-" he sighed, "The shadows under my eyes aren't eyeshadow... at least, not right now. They're a part of me, and tied to my emotions they go purple when I'm happy... the happier I am the more vibrant the purple.... When I'm anxious start panicking over overthinking something... they go black, the more panicked I get... the darker they are." Virgil nervously glanced up at Roman who looked shocked. "Normally... I but on foundation and concealer to hide them, and then some black eyeshadow so if I forget to put makeup on or can't be bothered or someone comes across me when I don't expect someone to... they won't question why I suddenly have 'eyeshadow' beneath my eyes. I don't worry about it going purple because honestly... I never expect to be happy. I know it's- it's weird and I'm a fre-"

"VIRGIL THAT'S AMAZING!"

"Wha-"

"I mean not the part that you don't expect to be happy because that's just.... NO! But the rest of it? It's amaing! I love it! Not only does it look cool (in both black and purple) but then I can tell when you're truly really happy! And when you need a good Disneython! I'm assuming that when you're more happy than paniced it's still purple and wheen you're more panicked than happy black?" Virgil nodded. "And what about other emotions? Is it black or purple then?"

Virgil smiled, he always thought they wer freakish that the shadows were just more reminders that he was a freak, but Roman... Roman LIKED them. Virgil couldn't understand why he did, they were weird, but the way Roman's eyes lit with excitment, so starkly different from the dampened ocean filled eyes he had arrived with. "They tend to then settle for whatever I feel closer to then."

"Well I don't see why you cover them up, I love them. I think you should go out without makeup more often," Roman smiled at Virgil before letting out a laugh. "I just remembered I was going to tell you what happened with the video! But I think it can wait till later I wanna try to keep that purple there as long as possible! How does a nice Disneython in my room sound?"

Virgil grinned back at Roman, "That sounds great. And maybe... maybe I will! Go out without makeup that is." Roman laughed, "Oh and... thank you, Roman. For... making me feel less alone, and less like a freak." Virgil gave Roman a small sweet smile before standing and heading to the door. "BET I CAN BEAT YOU TO YOUR RO-" Virgil paused his shouting as he flung open the door and almost ran into Patton.

"WOAH!" Patton cried out, "Slow down there kiddo! Have you seen Roman? He left the video upset and I've been looking for him since and it's been- oh... hey Roman! Are you..."

"Yeah I'm fine Patton," Roman said from behind Virgil with a small smile of his own, "Thanks to Virgil here!"

"Well I'm glad though I wouldn't mind talking to you and apologi-"

"Maybe later? Patton? Virgil and I were about to go have another Disney marathon in my room!"

"Alright kiddos you two have a PatTON of fun then! Would you like me to bring food up to you or will you two be down for dinner?"

"We'll see Popstar, text you the answer later?" Virgil asked grinning feeling the shadow which had gone black when Patton startled him slowly but surely fading to a purple.

"Alright kiddos as long as you two actually eat this time! And not just popcorn!"

"Alright Patton! See you later!" And Roman and Virgil walked away heading to the prince's Disney covered room laughing and teasing the whole way.

Tag list:

@on-fic-writing-spree

#prinxiety #tss virgil #tss roman #tss patton #sander sides virgil #sander sides roman #sander sides patton #ts virgil #ts roman #ts patton #sander sides #my writing #my oneshot

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hisunshiine · 3 years

Text

Money Heist | knj | Part 3

moodboard 1 | moodboard 2 | playlist | Netflix ReImagined BTS Masterlist

↳ #NetflixReImaginedBTS: Kim Namjoon x Reader starring in a bank robbery au

↳ M-18+, implied sexual content, major character deaths, bank robbery actions (violence, use of weapons, deciet)

I had never seen anything as mesmerizing as the sun rising beyond the horizon, the contrast of the blue ocean as the warm-toned colors of the sun and skies reflected on it and bounced along with the gentle waves. I took a sip of the mango juice I had poured into a glass as I stared out of the captivating scenery.

Hawaii was a beautiful state.

When Ilsan suggested it should be our next destination after we had arrived back at the beach house, I did not like it but as he adamantly explained, none of us had been identified by the authorities.

It was the perfect time to flee South Korea. We could go undetected and did not have to hide out at Jindo until the heat settled. Ilsan suggested that we could go immediately. Sadly, despite how much of your life you plan for, reality would never reflect your wishes. Sometimes shit happened that was out of your control.

I learned that the hard way. We lost Daegu and Gwacheon while fleeing the bank. Busan and GC were arrested and the authorities knew the identities of Seoul and Gwangju.

The devastation was not the right word to use to express the anger I felt when the police plastered the images of some of us on national television. Unfortunately, Busan and GC were very popular among the locals in Jindo and often went out. People recognized them and it was by the grace of God that Ilsan woke up and heard the commotion of the police busting in and led me out of the beach house.

Guilt was not the right word either. What I felt was far more crippling and disheartening. I left my boys. I did not know where they were or what they were doing to them. I kept wishing that they were alright somehow, that they were still breathing somewhere. However, Ilsan was far less optimistic. He stated on our way out of the country the Korean government would most likely execute them, reminding me that we held the President of the country hostage, tied him up, and stripped him of all of his rights and pride.

Moreover, the stinging pain of actually losing people who I had spent every waking moment hurt me in ways I ever thought possible. As soon as we landed in Hawaii, I sank into a state I could not recognize.

Thankfully, Ilsan took care of me.

As sadistic and ruthless as he was before and during the heist, I saw him in a different light after we had arrived here. He made sure I had the space to process everything that happened when phase four was activated. I failed to protect Daegu and we lost him. I was supposed to have his back and I could not even do that.

GC could not look at me. Everything was ruined from then.

I understood his anger and sympathized when he demanded Ilsan throw me to the police. I understood. He could never forgive me. I felt his pain, the betrayal he felt despite it all being a moment where I did not react accordingly. He hated me and I understood, so I took every hurtful word, every shove and slur tossed my way.

Ilsan would not stand for it.

Regardless of how infuriated GC was, Ilsan forced him to push his feelings aside so the rest of us could make it out alive. I was not allowed to leave Ilsan’s side. He whispered in my ear, as we waited our turn to escape through the backup exit Gwacheon had created, that he was not feeling secure around GC and that I should not either. He said he had seen teams go against each other during a heist and he did not appreciate how GC glared at me.

I never left Ilsan’s side. Even after we came back to Jindo and met up with the Professor. I was not allowed to leave his side. He could not rest properly until we had cut ties and went our separate ways. Ilsan was adamant about getting out of South Korea as fast as we could.

All trust for GC had disappeared and understandably so, but Ilsan could not risk GC opening his mouth and giving the authorities any sort of information about him or me. So, I kept my distance and GC repaid the favor.

I wish I could see him one more time. I did not know where he or Busan was but I was certain they were in the police’s custody.

I clutched my glass as my forehead gently touched the cold surface of the door window looking out to the white beach. Forgiveness was all I wanted from GC and from Busan. I hoped someone was caring for his shoulder. Busan had become weak during the heist and I feared for his recovery. The Professor sent a doctor over to the beach house and he fixed him back up but I was sure that the police did not prioritize his health as much as we did.

My heart ached.

Unfortunately, due to the Professor’s involvement, Interpol was informed and a lot of people suddenly wanted to help South Korea capture everyone who was part of the heist. We had to be careful. It was only a matter of time until our identities would have been revealed too.

Too many thoughts occupied my mind, I did not register that Ilsan was behind me. I felt his bare chest grace my back as his arms wrapped around my frame, his chin resting on my shoulder blade, “Good morning, beautiful.”

“Morning.”

“What are you doing up?”

“Thinking.”

“About?”

I shook my head a little as I allowed a small sigh to come out of me. I wanted to tell him what was roaming my mind, the concerns I had, and the overwhelming guilt I felt but knowing Ilsan, I figured he would brush my feelings aside and tell me I was overthinking. Yet as soon as I felt his plump lips on my neck I closed my eyes and allowed the tender kisses to comfort me.

“Talk to me,” he hummed into my skin.

“The others. I’m thinking about the others.”

“Busan and GC?”

“Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung,” I murmured as I remembered learning their names on the plane ride to Hawaii. Ilsan bought a newspaper and he translated what the headlines said about the two thieves. I turned to face him, “Hoseok and Jungkook are still out there. You saw the news yesterday. The kitchen is still hot, Namjoon. There’s too much attention on us.”

“Not on us.”

“It’s just a matter of time.”

“It’s been three months since we did it.” He placed a kiss on my forehead as he pulled me closer to him, “Three months, baby. We are comfortable here and people mind their business.”

“It’s a matter of time.”

“Maybe. But right now, we are safe. We are rich. No one knows us as Namjoon, Y/N, London, or Ilsan. We are Mr. and Mrs. Son.” He smiled, showcasing his dimples as he reached for my hand and kissed the wedding band he had bought a month ago. With new identities and a small ceremony, Hawaii had become the staple of our love. Despite the stress and anxiety that came with robbing a bank, we managed to find a place to settle in and begin our lives as a married couple. It was calm here. And Namjoon was right, we were safe … at least, for now, we were free.

I stared into his rich dark eyes as he swayed my hips. He was being playful.

Ilsan had been hard to read since I met him almost a year ago. However, despite his resistance and innate instincts to pull away and not trust anyone, he somehow began to let his guard down. I knew it bothered him that he was responsible for another person. Much like myself, he was a soloist; always had been and figured he would be forever.

Lovestruck when he least expected it as well. It came as a surprise to both of us. However, I did not regret falling for him.

Ilsan was more than I had ever expected for myself. He was strong, smart with his decisions, and he had a lot of knowledge and experience under his belt. Regardless of his disappointment for the newfound responsibility - mostly due to a deep-rooted fear that he would not be able to protect those who trusted him the most - he never shied away from showcasing his affection for me, his passion for my body, and his enthusiasm about our love.

I leaned into his palm as it began to caress my cheek. Our eyes locked on each other as we studied one another. He pulled me closer to him, his hand now clutching my jaw as his lips met mine for a long and sensual kiss. Groaning into it slightly as the intensity grew, I felt his other hand traveling down to the hem of my t-shirt. His fingernails dug into my thigh as he exposed more of my skin while sliding the t-shirt upward, “I will protect you,” he promised into the kiss, “I will do everything to keep you safe.”

My hands traveled down his bare chest as the kiss grew more passionate. His tongue entered my mouth, slowly dancing sensually and poetically with mine as it became hungrier, almost as desperate as the first night we shared our first kiss.

I could never get tired of kissing him. His lips were soft, pillow-like as they met mine. He took his time; exploring every inch of my body and assuring I received mine before he did. A true gentleman. Often, in our afterglow, he would brag that he took great pride in fulfilling me the way I wanted to.

Those months at the beach house, we had each other on every surface imaginable. Never slowing down our pace, we kept exploring each other. I wanted him, always. I could not keep my hands to myself and neither could he. It was an intense and passionate beginning, one that drove me intoxicatingly mad. The need for each other’s embrace grew so powerful that it almost turned into a drug.

His touch was something I could not be without for too long. It felt as if I was incomplete without him. And he had - numerous times - expressed the exact same unyielding longing for me.

To the others, our relationship came across as something purely based on the physical aspect. Although it started as such, I could not deny that was the basis of it. Today, however, Ilsan was a man I saw a future with, one I cared for deeply. I had said yes when he proposed.

Rose petals all over our condo in Hawaii. Little cute notes scattered everywhere to find the ring he had bought.

When I first met him in Jindo, he did not strike me as a man filled with overwhelming patience, affection, and a whole lot of romance. Ilsan was the embodiment of a romantic lover.

As stern and direct as he was, just as attentive and soft-spoken he could be around me. He cared. More so than any man I had the displeasure to date and call a boyfriend. So, I said yes. I became him and he was mine.

Lost in the drug that was his scent, I moaned into his hungry mouth. Our tongues danced fiercer as desperate pants escaped us while our bodies overheated in arousal. He pushed into the door window, pulling one of my legs over his hip as our lips kept a steady and needy pace.

The print of his erect length brushed against my stomach and my body reacted by shooting electricity from my core as excitement overcame me.

Ilsan and I had not been able to keep our hands off each other ever since our first encounter together. The innate attraction was still very much prominent, even after a year, we could not get enough of each other. It was as if any rational train of thought disappeared and all that was left was this primal and raw need to destroy and claim one another.

Speedily, I reached for his clothed bulge. A growl into my mouth appeared from the depths of his throat. The sudden hold on it along with my desperate need to prepare him to penetrate my eager slit made him clutch my throat in response.

“Baby,” he said slightly out of breath. I stared into his dark eyes, undeniable lust pierced through them as he gawked down my entirety, “I want you slow,” he murmured. I eyed him momentarily, contemplating the words as a ray of memories rushed in my head.

Ilsan and I were not only perfect for each other in terms of lifestyles or love language but we were compatible in ways I had never experienced with a man. When I say he changed my stances and opinions about certain things, I meant it. He was unfamiliar, virtually everything about him was new and exciting. So, when we shared our first lovemaking, I was pleasantly surprised that he fucked me as I had always wanted.

I never instructed him.

It was as if his body was made for mine. Like two perfectly sculpted clays, morphing into one as we explored every inch of each other and discovered that we were nothing without one another but together, we could become something far greater than anything neither of us had experienced.

To say I was deeply in love with him would not begin to justify the emotions I felt for him. He was beyond words. Our love was beyond life.

“Slow,” I nodded and I felt his large hands cupping my rear before lifting me up. My lips found his as he carried me back to bed.

He reached for my legs, closing them together as he elevated them. I grinned when he began to place tender kisses on my ankles before he nipped at my toes. I stared into his eyes with a nervous pant, unaware of what he meant by taking it slow.

Usually, our love was passionate and raw but today he wished to take things slower. I did not mind it. It was a slight surprise and often when he did this, it meant he had something up his sleeve.

“What?” He chuckled.

“Nothing.”

“You’re being suspicious of me.”

“I’m not.”

He laughed and forced my legs open before allowing them to rest on each of his hips, “Hmm,” he hummed as he stared down at me.

“What?”

“You should be suspicious.”

“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow at him and he eyed me momentarily before he caved and pulled out a small box from his pocket, “What is this?” I used my elbows to lift myself up.

“Open it, Princess.”

“Why? What is this?” Excitement overcame me as I sat up. He threw himself beside me and watched as I opened the velvety red box, “Namjoon,” I kept repeating into a delighted giggle.

“It’s nothing special.”

“It’s not our anniversary yet,” I eagerly opened and gasped suddenly as soon as I spotted the heart-shaped emerald necklace that was staring back at me, “Oh gosh, it’s beautiful.” I was spellbound, my gaze kept studying the rose gold chain and how captivatingly the rising sunlight reflected on the stone.

“You like it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad.” His rich baritone voice explained how Valentine’s Day was coming up in a couple of days and he wanted to give me something thoughtful. “I know we can’t be like every other couple and celebrate. It’s fine that you are worried, baby, I respect it and appreciate that you keep an eye out for us but I did not want you to lose this day.”

“You’re so sweet.” He flashed a tender smile as I took his hand in mine, “I love you.”

➰

The ambiance of the restaurant was something that captured the romance of this night. I had never been the type of woman who enjoyed a trivia holiday but I had to admit since Ilsan became my partner, I wanted to experience love with him. And he was good at it too. Everything was planned out. From my outfit to the place we would celebrate our love.

I sat opposite him, studied how gently the candlelight beamed at his olive skin. Spellbound and utterly captivated by his striking features as I took in his beauty. Ilsan looked amazing in a suit, he chose a beautiful one that complimented my long dark dress. He was reading the menu of the French restaurant he had picked for the occasion. He began to correct his tie and I could not help but watch as his knuckles turned white by the grip, how merely moments ago that same hand was clutching my throat.

“What?” He asked without glancing away from the menu, “What are you thinking?” I let out a small giggle, caught red-handed in my perverse thoughts. “Do you know what you want?” He ripped his eyes from the leather-covered book and caught my gaze, “You haven’t looked.”

“No.”

He eyed me momentarily. Everything around us was practically nonexistent. The chatter from the other guests faded, the soft violins playing from the speakers died down until everything evaporated and it was just us there. Sitting across from one another with a champagne bottle, red rose petals were casually thrown on the white table, and candle lights between us.

I slid my hand over to him and he caught it. His thumb gently caressing the ring on my left finger, “I like this,” I began, remembering the fight I initiated earlier this morning, “I never apologized.”

“Don’t.”

“I should,” our eyes met again. “I wish I could be like you and forget about the heist.”

“You’re inexperienced. I get it, you’re nervous.” He leaned over and placed a tender kiss on the back of my hand, “You worry. I get it, Princess.”

Ilsan had been involved with a lot of robberies and knew how to act and think afterward. He was right. I was inexperienced. Smaller shops were my thing and I never truly worried about police knocking on my door for stealing a Dior bag. But the bank of Korea was something else. We had gotten away with 700 million KRW. Divided equally among us. Unfortunately, we had to cut our time short and flee for our lives but the amount was better than nothing.

“You’re right. I’m being too obsessive.”

“Relax a little.”

“I will,” I retrieved my hand and began to look at the menu, “From now I will relax.”

➰

Ilsan excused himself during the dessert. I watched him as he left for the bathroom. Sinking to the chair, I felt fulfilled by the French meals the chef so deliciously had prepared. The crepes on my plate kept staring at me but as much as I wanted to finish the beautifully decorated crisp pancakes with fresh fruits and powdered sugar, I could not force myself to overeat. So, instead, I drank my champagne glass finish.

I observed the other guests. Some were on a date like we were and others were alone. I caught a glimpse of a woman in a suit who was sitting alone two tables from me. My gaze fell on her plate and I could not help my mind from wandering. She had been there since we arrived yet her plate of snails was untouched. She must have sensed that someone was watching her because she stared back at me and I hastily ripped my eyes away. Just as I did, I noticed two men in suits both continuously studied me. My heart immediately sank. I tried to brush their stares away earlier as Ilsan suggested, not wanting to draw attention to ourselves but now that he had gone to the bathroom and most likely would be gone for longer to pay for the meal, I felt uncomfortable being on their radar.

Then as I attempted to calm my nerves, two Hawaiian police officers entered the restaurant and I froze in my seat. My heart sank again, this time faster until it had reached my stomach. The sight of the officers knocked my breath away and I hastily reached for my purse and coat. They glanced around and had not spotted me yet, so I speedily without hesitation and without drawing too much attention on myself walked to the register.

Ilsan waved me over as the hostess handed him his credit card, “We need to leave,” I sternly whispered.

He studied my face briefly before he scanned the restaurant, “Where?”

“Two men by the entrance.”

“You sure?” He eyed me and the expression on my face must have been enough for him. He took my hand and we rushed toward the back of the restaurant.

“Stop them!” Someone shouted and we began to run.

The employees in the kitchen were startled by our sudden appearance and halted all activities. Ilsan yelled at them to point at the back door and when no one took our situation seriously, he drew his gun. Scared into submission, a chef pointed behind himself and we rushed over to the exit.

➰

We made it back to the little condo we had rented with cash. Still, with the Professor’s plan in our minds, we acted accordingly. Leave as fast as we could. I began to pack all of the essentials. Clothes and such did not matter. The money bags and our safety was our only concern.

Ilsan paused and clutched my hands before we kissed each other. This was going to be our first separation. He reached for the bags of money and walked out of the condo.

We hid a beat-up Chevrolet Impala close to our condo, able to blend perfectly once we used it to escape. Ilsan went over to it. I had only a few minutes to throw off the authorities by destroying the condo. With the television on, I began to mess up the space we had called home and created some memories that would never leave my mind.

The mention of the heist made me halt. I stared at the television as the news anchor spoke about how the authorities had caught Seoul in Finland. My heart sank once more. I froze as my eyes were glued to the screen. Images of his arrest appeared and I whimpered at the sight of him. I did not notice that Ilsan had returned. His gentle touch eased me as I had unknowingly held my breath, We watched as the news anchor explained that one of the thieves known as Gwangju was found in a hotel room in Ankara. Jung Hoseok had a full-blown shootout with the police, unable to escape, trapped like a mouse in a maze, he shot into them well-knowing they would fire back.

“He took charge,” Ilsan whispered as he gently caressed my back. Tears began to blur my vision as the realization of losing another one of us set in, “Baby?” Ilsan said until he shook me slightly, “We don’t have time for you to break down,” he reminded, “Let’s go.”

“Yes, yes,” I murmured as I wiped away the tears.

However, the mention of the assigned cities Ilsan and I had roamed in the condo making both of us stop once more and draw our attention back on the screen. The news anchor began to explain our appearance based on the hostages’ descriptions. Soon, police sketches appeared on the screen. Ilsan and I froze as we studied the candidly accurate portraits of us. Right down to his dimples and my hairstyle the day of the heist. Still, they did not know our identities.

“Thank God,” Ilsan hissed as he took my hand and guided me out of the condo.

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lovelivingmydreams · 4 years

Text

Wrong door

I watched the latest Sanders Sides video and I have feelings that I need to write about. So here a little one shot.

OBVIOUSLY SPOILER WARNING FOR SANDERS SIDES

Summary: When Roman leaves he doesn’t go to his room straight away. Maybe his turbulent mind sought this place out to fit his mood. Maybe deep down he knew that there was only one person who could help him understand what he did wrong.

The conversation leads to discussions and remenicing of their past, why the King ever split, why Virgil left to the ‘dark side’ to begin with and the reason Virgil doesn’t trust Deciet despite living with him and the others for years.

After Roman sunk out he appeared in a much darker environment than he expected. His room was always bright and colorful, packed with Disney memorabilia, red drapes and stage lighting. The gloomy atmosphere he was faced with now made his already fragile self-esteem crumble even more. Was this because deceit... Janice, was right about him? Was he really not the hero? But Paton always said... ‘The brave, handsome, unbeatable Roman,’ But then again... ‘I don’t always know the answer,’ He felt his chest tighten. It was harder to breathe. No. He... He isn’t bad. He only ever wanted to help Thomas. He was trying to do the right thing... But so was Patton. And De... Janice, of all people had been protecting Thomas from him when he lost it... “Ro? What happened?” Roman’s head snapped up. Virgil what... Then he realized where he was. The Tim Burton poster behind him, he cobwebs the dark atmosphere. This was Virgil’s room... He came here instead of his own... Why? “Is Thomas mad at me?” the younger side asked nervously. “I could tell he felt really stressed just now, I tried to leave him be after the whole wedding... I’m sorry, I know I panicked when Mary Lee and Lee came over, but...” Roman raised his hands to calm Virgil down. Today had been terrible for everyone. But their purple patched cautious guardian was probably the only one who would’ve had an equally horrible time no matter what they had done today. The callback would’ve been hell because so much was riding on it. The wedding was horrible because, well… mandatory social interaction, and Virgil had been particularly terrified of saying the wrong thing to their friends. What if they realize we aren’t having a good time? What if they think we look dumb in this suit? What if they realize it’s a rental and think we don’t care? Virgil took a few deep breaths and nodded. “I’m really sorry. I know how important today was to you, and I made us blow it,” he sighed. Roman shook his head. “No one is mad at you Virgil. That’s not what Patton and I were talking about... I wish you’d joined though,” he sighed, raking his hand through his hair. His nervous energy intensifying with every minute. But was that because of the room or because of his own thoughts? Probably both. “...Ro. Maybe we should head to your room instead?” Virgil offered gently. It wasn’t quite like him to sound so sincerely worried. They usually communicated their affection to one another through sarcasm and mild jabs. But ever since Remus made an appearance Virgil hadn’t been his usual self in general. He’d been more withdrawn, more careful with what he said. Not less active in his contributions, but Roman had seen his angsty friend less around the mindscape almost like when he wasn’t part of the group. As their friendship grew, they’d taken to having Disney nights in his room where they’d discuss the movies and Virgil even tolerated Roman singing along to the songs at full volume. But recently... He probably should have popped in here before now instead of ‘giving him space’. Was that even really what he’d been doing? Or was he just too much of a coward to face him and possibly have to own up for his past mistakes? He really was a terrible friend. So egotistical. Why couldn’t he ever consider other’s feelings? He’d tried today, really had tried not to hurt Patton’s feelings while discussing doing the right thing. Tried not to push. Tried to really listen to what he had to say so he wouldn’t make any more mistakes. He’d been ready to swallow his pride and take a step back when it seemed like Patton was too busy with not hurting his ego to really do his job . And it was still not enough The aching in his chest intensified. Right, not the place for these thoughts. Roman looked at Virgil gratefully and nodded. He could use some time with his newest friend. Virgil was good. Helpful. A team player from the start He’d never pretended to be his friend when he was not. And even when they hated each other -though hate was a strong word for the aversion he used to have for the embodiment of anxiety- Virgil had made performances better, more exciting, even inspired him to create. How things had changed since the fanders first met him. “Alright, breathe with me, and let’s go,” he instructed. Roman focused on the other side’s breathing and before he knew it they were in his room. With the familiar lavish decor, the countless posters and trinkets... But it all looked a little... off. It was not ready for a guest, and he was always ready for guests. There were decorative couch cushions on the floor, some of the red velvet drapes were askew and the whole room felt just a little wrong to him. Imagine coming home and someone had entered and pushed nearly everything a touch to the left. Nearly imperceptible, but enough for you to know something is wrong. Great even his own room couldn’t give him comfort now. He let out a sigh, not his usual dramatic sigh, just a plain old tired sigh, and sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. “Ro? What happened?” Virgil asked confused. “I know something really got everyone upset. Even pops felt... Unusually distraught. I stayed in my room to not make it worse. But Thomas seems okay now. So why aren’t you... You know? Tatata,” Virgil finished with a week imitation of triumphant trumpets and Roman’s usual introduction pose. It made the embodiment of creativity smirk despite himself and then he sighed again. “Janice happened,” he muttered defeated, feeling completely spent. “Janice... You mean Janus? Deceit? He... He told you?” Virgil muttered confused. “Janus?” Roman mused. “That makes slightly more sense,” he allowed before leaning back and letting his head rest against the wall. Whatever, he still thought it was a weird name. Janus... He’s never going to get used to that. Maybe he should stop reading fan speculations on them though. Perhaps if he hadn’t been thinking of Deceit as Damien this whole time he wouldn’t have had such a strong reaction to Janus. Not that he wouldn’t have teased him. He absolutely would. He’d been upset at the serpentine side as it was. He’d been about ready to snap the whole time and the frog thing happened and D, Janus showed up and he didn’t know how to feel or what to think. So, yes he lashed out. He tried to get a little control over the situation because he couldn’t deal with one more thing tilting his worldview. And then... He felt the couch shift under an added weight. Right, Virgil is here with him. He glanced aside. Virgil was sitting on the armrest, looking at him expectantly. He normally would protest against Virgil putting his shoes on the couch, but right now he couldn’t care less. His friend needed a summary. “He... replaced Logan again and pushed Patton into being a frog monster. Accused Patton of deceiving Thomas, on accident, but still, and then he... Convinced Patton and Thomas to like him.” he summarized. Creating a monster to fight so he could be the hero. How absolutely despicable. “... Wait back up... Logan, is Logan alright?” “Physically or emotionally?” Roman asked dryly. Because apparently Thomas and Patton forgot that Janus hurt others. Hurt Thomas, hurt Patton, Virgil and Logan. And yes, Roman too felt hurt by the snake. Remus might be the only side not hurt by him and that was because Remus lacked the attention span to be upset at anything. He envied that sometimes. The ability to not care at all. Suddenly there was knocking on Roman’s door. “Roman? You in there sport? I brought hot coco?” It was Patton. Roman grabbed one of the fallen cushions, put it between his stomach and his legs, which he pulled towards his chest and curled up in a ball. He didn’t want to talk to him right now. After a moment of silence he heard Virgil get up, walk away and then he heard the door open. “He’s taking a nap. Seems really out for the count. I was going to check up on Logan next, but could you do that? You know how emotional roller coasters like today take it out of me. Besides, I think Lo would much rather hear from you anyway. I’m going to nap in here. My room is a bit too much for me right now you know?” “Oh, of course Kiddo! You take it easy. I’m going to need to talk to you about something though...” “How you’ve left Janus of all people in charge of Thomas’s post learning moment aftercare? Yeah, Roman gave me the headlines. I trust your judgment Patton. But I don’t trust Jan. Not for a second. He’d never hurt Thomas on purpose, i know that, none of us would. Thomas isn’t self-destructive by nature. The problem is, I’m not sure if he’s ready to see that he can hurt him on accident.” It was quiet for a minute. “I think I know what that’s like... I’m really sorry kiddo. I know that I’ve been the cause of a lot of your pain too,” their paternal side offered softly. Silence. Roman imagined that Virgil was speechless by that declaration. That was Janus’s great power. He’d gotten Patton to think that he was the bad guy. Patton! “I remember when Thomas was still young and you just started to really manifest. Before... Before we pushed you away as a bad thing. You’d hang onto me and panic whenever I got nervous about Thomas doing a wrong thing, thinking a bad thought... I did that to you. Because I was too strict and I was teaching you to think in black and white too. And when we pushed you away... Of course you thought you had to be the bad guy to do your job. I taught you that. And I hate it. I wish I could go back. Go back and hug little you and me and say that it’s okay. But I can’t. I just hope that you’ll believe me when I say... I’m really sorry and I’ll try to be better.” A few more moments of silence. “Pops... you aren’t entirely to blame for me believing I was bad. Janus, has just as much to do with that, if not more.” Roman forced himself to stay where he was. He knew it! He knew there was a reason Virgil reacted to the others like that. He should’ve listened to him. Asked about his history before. The whole callback situation wouldn’t have been such a stressful episode if he had just heard Virgil out. “What do you mean kiddo?” “The thing about him is, he deals in extremes. Today you might have seen him in a sincere and nurturing mood, but we have all seen how deceitful and destructive and manipulative he can be,” Virgil explained gently. Mindful of a sleeping friend who wasn’t really asleep. “You saw what that behavior did to Roman, even if he didn’t mean to hurt him.” Roman felt a jolt of warmth at the protective edge that coated Virgil’s voice at that statement. Oh, how had he been so wrong about him? All this time he could’ve had a valiant knight at his side. “One moment he looks at you and sees a friend a brother... A son.” That nearly made Roman jump up again. Janus had hurt Virgil, that was the only explanation for the way his voice softened at that last title. He’d slay the demon. They’d already established that nothing they did could do physical damage to the others as long as they didn’t let it have power over them. Janus, who’d been wrangling Remus for years, would surely not blink an eye at being run through, or beheaded. So it wouldn’t be that bad if he and Virgil got a few therapeutic stabs in for their benefit... but for now he forced himself to remain silent. He’d talk to Virgil about the best way to avenge him later. After Patton left them alone. “The next, you are a pawn to be manipulated in any way that suits what he thinks to be the greater good in that moment. And when he speaks you never know for certain if it’s a painful truth you need to hear to become better, stronger, or a hurtful lie to make you suit his needs.” ‘I don’t need to flatter you’... ‘Who is the evil twin’ Virgil took in a long breath and let it out with a sigh. “It’s a long story, and you should really go get Logan hot coco just the way he likes it. He deserves some patented Patton love as well.” “Alright kiddo. Thanks for being honest with me. I hope you’ll tell us all the story later so we can understand. But take your time. And thank you for trying to spare my feelings by not telling me that Roman isn’t ready for a talk yet.” Well, there went that illusion. “You two rest up. Take care of him for me, and tell him... Tell him I’m sorry I let him down.” Again Roman nearly went for the door. But he wasn’t ready. With the way he was feeling now, he’d lash out again and he didn’t know for sure who would have to face the brunt of his emotional outbursts. “I’m sure he’d say that you did nothing of the sort. Don’t let Janus get into your head too much. Ugly truths and painful lies Patton. Don’t fall for the latter just because he gave you a little of the former,” Virgil warned. “I’ll keep that in mind. Good night then. Thomas should be taking a day or two to relax and take care of himself so you should get plenty of time to recover,” Patton assured Virgil. “Night, see you in a minute when something goes wrong anyway.” Roman could hear Patton chuckle before the door closed. He expected Virgil to come back to sit where he sat before right away, but he heard him moving around the room and then the kitchen... What was going on? Suddenly he felt a blanket being draped over him, pillows being put all around and Virgil’s warm body joining his under the blanket. “You tell anyone about this, I’ll deny it until the end times. But pillows and blankets help me feel safer sometimes. And you know, Logan told me once that physical contact with a friend can be calming or whatever I didn’t really listen to the whole thing, you know how he kind of goes on. But I wrote down the gist of his tips. And then there is the always reliable, comfort food,” he announced as he gave Roman a fresh cup of hot coco with little marshmallows and rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream. What had Roman nearly tear up was that it was in his mug. One with a little Stitch figure that said “Ohana Means Family”. Not one of Patton’s pet themed mugs. His own. Virgil had made him this from scratch. Exactly the way he’d like it when he’s feeling down. He heard a clank and saw that Virgil had also put down a can of rainbow mini muffins. He kept those around to have as a treat on good and bad days. They had a delicious molten chocolate filling. When had Virgil even see him take one? It didn’t matter. This was everything he needed to get through the story he would have to tell, and the one he had to hear. “So, spill,” Virgil instructed as he laid a hand on his back in support. With a deep breath Roman told him everything as he’d experienced it from the moment he’d gotten home until the moment he’d popped up in Virgil’s room. By the end he was sobbing. The mug of hot coco was halfway, but stood on the coffee table as he was busy ruining Virgil’s hoodie with his tears. Damn all of this. He was too tired to hang on to his pride. Virgil didn’t make fun of him though he let him cry and listened to his exclamations of: “I just don’t understand what I did wrong? Why... Why am I the bad guy in this? Didn’t I do the right thing? Going to the wedding? I just... I just wanted to do the right thing. Thomas counted on me to give him hope. To rise above the challenge and defy that serpent’s scheme despite the odds. But other than a brief feeling of victory... I’ve never felt worse. I mean, Remus got the better of me for the first time in ages. It’s not right! Why do I feel like I’m being punished for doing what we knew was right, while Janus is being celebrated? Janus was wrong... Wasn’t he?” He’s glad Virgil is the only witness to this breakdown. If Patton saw this, he would blame himself. And Logan might try to help but have not much helpful to offer, other than an objective analysis or an experiment that might nudge Roman in the right direction, but he was in no mood to dissect any complicated explanations. Remus would make him feel worse, same goes for Janus, even if he were to try and be helpful it would only confuse Roman even more. And then there was... Well, he never was much help when it comes to solving problems. There was a reason why he hadn’t joined them in the physical world for any of their discussions. And Thomas... God he’d never regain Thomas’s respect if he’d see him like this. “You did good Ro. But we all knew that we felt conflicted about it when we left the door. We’re all on edge and from the sound of it, you weren’t at fault in the escalation of the conflict. Patton is the one who wasn’t honest with himself out of fear to disappoint Thomas. And Janus was the one to push him to the edge. And it was Janus who’d hurt you in the past and didn’t bother to apologize or acknowledge it had even happened. Of course you were on edge around him. But that’s just how he is,” Vigil sighed as he rubbed Roman’s back soothingly. That reminded Roman... He sat up and wiped his eyes. “What happened? You said that Janus was a big part of the reason you thought you were bad or something?” Roman asked picking up his mug to give himself something to focus on other than the soul bearing moment they’d shared. Virgil sighed and looked up to the swirling lines that decorated his ceiling. “Right. Remember the last time I had one of my fits before I started hanging with the others?” Roman nodded. He didn’t like thinking back to that time. He and Remus hadn’t been separated for that long yet and there were times when he still felt wrong without him. And in those moments he blamed Virgil, then still just fear. He remembered little of being ‘The King’, didn’t even really recall their old name, but one of the things he did remember was the split. He was thinking of something he thought was funny, something with a word mom would scold them for, but that made it even funnier. Patton had scolded him and something about the reprimand had triggered Fear. Ironically, seeing Fear in distress like that had triggered a protective instinct in the king and he’d been so eager to comfort the boy. He’d been torn. Part of him wanted to defy Patton and tell Fear that Thomas wouldn’t get in trouble for a small thing like that. The other wanted to promise to never think of anything upsetting ever again so the little timid boy could relax a little and play with them. Next thing he knew one part was promising these things while hugging Virgil and another was giggling and running around shouting all kinds of strange and bad things and letting his train of thought jump from one topic to another as random things kept catching his attention. Virgil had always been the inspiration for the noble prince. For his first act had been to protect the confused boy from the source of his troubles. He’d called for his princely attire to resemble the prince in Cinderella and swung his sword, then still a harmless toy sword, and Remus had actually enjoyed playing a ferocious dragon. And Virgil had laughed at their game and relaxed. Roman and Remus never questioned their existence... But Patton and Logan had been surprised and Patton had soon come to understand that all the things he would scold the king for were stuck in the green twin, while all the nice thoughts were with the red one, who introduced himself as Roman to them. Roman received praise and watched his brother get scolded and eventually ‘the snake man’ had come to pick is brother up from their room. Roman had pleaded not to of course, as any decent brother would. But then the snake man said something that terrified him. Thomas didn’t want his brother’s thoughts in his head. So the snake man took his brother somewhere where Thomas could pretend he didn’t exist. And he’d forced Roman to stand still and let Thomas forget about the other creativity. He couldn’t even mention him again. Not when Thomas might hear at least. That had scared Roman. When he told Patton about where his brother was taken he’d been assured that something like that would never happen to him. Thomas loved being creative. Roman was the hero. He got to be at the wheel almost all the time. He was the Prince after all... It had been comforting and terrifying at the same time. What if he messed up? Would Thomas stop loving him? It was then that the feeling of wrongness started showing up. And that scared him even more. He couldn’t miss being with Remus. Remus was bad, Roman was good. And good people didn’t want to be around bad people. Bad people were put away and forgotten about. It was while he was in one of these moments of self-doubt that Fear panicked at something he considered irrelevant. It had gotten to Roman and he’d blown up at Fear for freaking out over a stupid stain. This had triggered Virgil even more and Thomas had jumped back and knocked over one of the nice glasses from the counter somehow. His mother had been angry, but in that worried way only parents can really pull off. This however had gotten Patton and Logan’s attention. Logan had scolded Fear because his disproportionate reaction to a small problem created a bigger one. Patton had scolded him because Thomas was in trouble now and it was their task to keep him out of trouble. Roman had wanted to tell the others that Fear had reacted to him shouting, not the stain, but the others were already telling Fear that if he didn’t watch out, he would be pushed away and then what would happen to Thomas? This had caused Fear to run away and next time Roman saw him, he was ‘a bad guy’. “I never really said i was sorry. I swear I wanted to explain to the others why you freaked, I did, but next time we saw you...” He didn’t know where to look. He felt so ashamed of his actions. Virgil patted his back. “It’s alright Sir Singalot,” he grinned, using the nickname that Roman had approved off as a sign of peace. “You guys didn’t push me away. That’s just how you see it now through a veil of guilt. I never intended to leave. I needed to get away for a minute,” Virgil explained casually, but then his voice grew tense as his eyes darkened at the memory.

“And he was right there,” he whispered and Roman could imagine the figure swooping in. Offering an insecure and neglected side a comforting embrace. “He was telling me both the things I feared to be true and things I wanted to hear someone say.”

He could imagine that too. The smooth voice spinning truths and lies in a delicate trap to lure young Fear to his side of the consciousness.

“He told me that you guys would never really want me around. But he also said that that was stupid of you because I keep Thomas safe. That you needed me more than you realize. And if you weren’t going to listen to simple reason, then I’d have to be loud so I couldn’t be ignored.” Virgil looked back towards Roman for with a sad, understanding smile.

“He might have believed he was helping me. That he was saving me many more of these arguments. He’ll probably swear up and down that he was looking out for me and Thomas and even all of you.” Roman got the idea that Virgil was trying to say something about Janus’ intentions towards him as well. But he couldn’t find the will to believe that the man hadn’t been malicious towards him or even any of the others when he did the things he did. Good intentions or not –like with the cake the end result was still the same. Virgil seemed to agree, because his face darkened again as he continued his story.

“But when he found me after you guys accepted me, he started saying those things again and I said he was wrong and that we’d all been going about it the wrong way. I wanted us all to step into the sun...”

“Dear Evan Hansen,” Roman grinned teasingly to lighten the mood. He got a playful shove and a smirk. He’d take the victory. It kind of made him feel better. To know that he could still be a good friend despite the disaster of today.

“He slipped,” Virgil continued. “Or maybe he thought I’d feel bad for him and stay... I don’t know. He broke my trust and I’ll never be able to be sure if he’s truthful with me... But that day, he said he wouldn’t let you guys take me away from him.” Roman’s eyes widened as the implications of that sunk in. He wasn’t sure if he felt sorry for the man or wanted to punch him even more.

“I realized in that moment that he had manipulated the truth to ensure that I wouldn’t get along with you guys. He was lonely and he didn’t want to share. So he took of the blindfold and broke the piñata open to get the friend he wanted. And for years, that worked. But then, because Thomas accepted that he has anxiety, I got a real seat at the table, even if no one liked me being there. And then we worked together in the open more often and well... You know what happened. He hated that I spent time with you guys. He hated that I had nice things to say about Patton, that I kind of appreciated the debate with Logan... That I admired your... drive.”

“Wait what?” Roman shot up in surprise, nearly losing the cover of the blanket in the process. He hadn’t expected a sincere complement. He’d been ready for a little jab like ‘tolerated your presence’ or something. Not admiration...

“Don’t make me regret this... I always kind of looked up to you. Because you were never afraid to go for what you want. I don’t envy that ability. But I think it’s cool that you can.”

Roman was speechless. It succeeded in making him feel a bit better, but it also left him in awe of his friend. This is why he appreciated Virgil so much. He was sincere. Always. He didn’t sugarcoat anything he said what he thought the way he thought it. He might have learned to voice his concerns more clearly and less like death threats, but he still said what was on his mind. So a complement like this form him? Well, that was the highest praise he could imagine.

“Anyway...” Virgil continued with a blush, avoiding Roman’s gaze. “Feeding your ego aside.” He took a deep breath which brought Roman back to the here and now. Right serious talk time.

“The fight got ugly. I accused him of lying to me all this time for selfish reasons. He denied the reasons I gave, but not the fact that he lied. I got so mad. I told him to stay away from us. That I never wanted to see his face again. And I’ve been pissed ever since. I didn’t want you guys anywhere near him, because I can’t be sure that he won’t hurt you the way he hurt me, whether he wants to or not. And I was right. He hurt you, he hurt Patton and Logan and even Thomas. It all led to a big lesson about self-care and everything. But I agree, we can’t let our guard down around him. Ever.”

Roman hugs Virgil close. “Want me to stab him for you? Because I would totally stab him for you,” he promises.

Virgil allows a small chuckle and returns the hug. “I’ll think about it.”

Just then their surroundings changed and they were sitting on the bed in the bedroom. “Thomas must be getting ready for the night,” Roman observed, some rest would be great. Dreams took care of themselves. He could chose to influence them but tonight he couldn’t be bothered. Remus might give them some weird twists but who cared? At this rate, they’d also let him have a seat at the table one of these days so he might as well start getting used to having him around again. But if Remus was accepted back, would that make them be ‘the king’ again? No. Not thinking about that tonight.

He felt Virgil get up next to him. “I’ll get going then...”

“No,” Roman hurried as he pulled Virgil back into his side. This got him a surprised look, but he didn’t care. “Neither of us should really be alone right now don’t you think? And I don’t think you were exactly lying when you said your room was too intense for you right now,”

Virgil shrugged. “No... But...”

Just then they both manifested their sleepwear. A comfy shirt and sweats in their respective colors.

“Thomas is going to sleep. We should too... And I really don’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now,” he confessed. This seemed to convince Virgil. It wasn’t like it would be the first time. Well it was the first time they’d both sleep in his bed and in their pj’s. But it had happened that one of them dozed off on the other ones shoulder during a movie a few times. No big deal.

So along with Thomas they settled in for the night.

Virgil felt that Roman was still tense and it was affecting Thomas’s ability to fall asleep. At least, Virgil told himself that this was the reason why he turned towards him wrapped his arms around his fellow side and started singing, his voice drifting through the dark room. “There are shouters and murmurers, loan sharks and burglars...” by the end of the song both had relaxed and drifted off to sleep.

There it’s not perfect, i started writing at nine in the evening and it’s now almost two. So my brain is fried. Might write a follow up shorter bit about the inside out perspective on the last scene with Lee and Mary Lee when I’m actually awake. Edit: Fixed the spelling a bit

With love lovelivingmydreams

Next part this is going to be longer than I planned

#Sanders Sides #Spoilers #Prinxiety #Roman #Virgil #Patton #Logan #new episode #I need to vent about my prince #Deceit

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milady-mothman · 3 years

Text

The semi-sucky fanfic! Angst warning ig

Janus loved the rain. It doesn’t matter when or where he was, when it was storming he always felt calm. It might’ve been because of the way it sounded, or that it made everything seem blurry. It felt like the rain erased all of his problems, and made his form look normal too. Nothing could make him feel that way like rain.

He was so grateful that the night after the wedding fiasco, it was pouring rain. At around midnight, he was awakened by a huge clap of thunder. For a moment, the Lord of the Lies just sat there, taking in the dim barrage of water through the window. His limbs were heavy with the need to sleep, but everytime he closed his eyes he was plagued by the memories of the day. Lee and Mary Lee, walking away to dance at the party. Patton turning into a frog. Thomas slumping forward with exhaustion. Roman, with a pathetic smirk on his face, laughing at his name. It was all too much.

Maybe ten minutes of silence passed. Janus needed to make sure no one heard him. When the time came that he knew no one would hear, he slithered out of bed and headed downstairs. He didn’t bother to turn on the light, knowing his snake eye would adjust faster. He wished it wouldn’t. Maybe if he had a normal face, a normal eye, it would be easier to get along with the other Sides. The only one who really liked him or trusted him was Remus, but that relationship is built on mutual gain.

He had another friend too. But that is a wound no one can repair.

As Janus walked to the kitchen, he struggled to find a solution. Most of his life is based on his job. Protect Thomas, lie for Thomas, do everything to make Thomas the best- so no one can hurt him. But this was different. Everything outside of Thomas’s mind is fine; he has friends, a stable job, he’s even famous. No, something inside his mind is wrong.

Who is it? One of the Light Sides?

Him?

Deceit sat down with a sigh. Clearly, this was not helping. It would be more helpful to just pretend everything is normal.

He could lie to himself, too, for one more night.

Snakes can’t drink hot tea. They can get burned really easily, and Janus wasn’t looking to risk another hospital trip just to get a nice feeling inside. He had loved the taste of tea, but nothing was worth that nightmare. Another one of the joys of being a monster, he thought. So, on a rainy April night, Janus decided to sit in the dark and drink iced tea.

As Janus was getting his tea, there was a rustling from the stairs. He glanced at the clock as rustling turned into footsteps. It was two in the morning. Why would anyone be awake?

He thought he should move or hide. It wasn’t Remus (he would probably throw himself down the stairs screaming, not tip-toeing), so they probably wouldn’t want to see him. But Janus just didn’t have the energy to move right now. Every part of his body ached. There was no other choice.

The last person Deciet expected to see was Virgil. He hadn’t seen the guy, in fact, since the trial. And Virgil was normally not happy to see him.

Virgil shuffled over to Deceit, his eyes fluttering open and closed. He went slowly over to the tea pot, inspected the water inside, and quietly began to make tea. He didn’t act like Janus wasn’t there; he glanced over occasionally, in a Virgil kind of way. Even though he wasn’t glaring or hissing, Virgil didn’t like that Janus was there. The tension was still very present.

When Virgil’s tea was boiling, and he sat down with the tea bag, Deceit had to say something. The awkwardness, to him, was unbearable.

“Virgil. I didn’t see you at all today.” Deceit kept a small smirk on, just like he normally did. He wasn’t nervous. He wasn’t sad.

“Yeah, you guys had a pretty nice handle on the wedding.” Virgil snapped. He obviously didn’t want to talk. But he never did, so Deciet moved on.

“Not like I care or anything, but what are you doing up so early?” Deceit sipped some of his tea. “It’s not even light outside.”

“This is just another day for me.” Virgil replied. “I never get any sleep, especially not after the shit you keep pulling.”

The insult in his voice made Deciet want to stop pushing. But there was something about Virgil’s tone that made him want to pry. Somethings he just knew.

“If this is about Patton, I-”

“Would you stop pushing it!” Virgil said. His voice got louder, seeming to multiply. He looked away from Deciet, but that didn’t matter. He had witnessed Anxiety’s voice before.

“Virgil, I’m only trying to help.” Deceit tried to lace his voice with sympathy, but it ended up sounding like the voice he put up when he lied. Virgil noticed too.

“Stop helping! You can’t fix this, you already ruined it! Thomas was freaking out at the wedding!” Virgil whisper-shouted, not wanting to wake anyone up. “I had work that whole time, trying not to get too bad! All because of you!”

Deceit had tried. This always used to happen, back when Virgil was one of them. They would argue, use their powers, and then walk away in silence. No one wanted to reveal their feelings. Well, not today. Thomas, at least, needed that.

Instead, he put his head on the table. That, of course, is something Virgil hadn’t planned for. Slowly, he sat down, still keeping far away from the other side. After a while, he murmured, “I don’t understand why this happened. This is what we wanted, right?”

“I’m not so sure.” Deceit said. “We wanted to go to the callback. But, Thomas’s friendship got in the way. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing.”

Virgil looked at Deceit as if he had grown scales. Or rather, had no scales at all. “What?” Deceit asked.

“You’ve never said that. You always seem to know everything. At least, you acted like it.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t.” Janus sighed. He hadn’t wanted to make tonight worse. Sitting in bed with the memories of the day seemed a lot better than being with this mess of a history. He got up to go.

“Wait, Deceit.” Virgil looked down. “Why did you come down here tonight? You only do on really bad days.”

Deceit hesitated. “How do you know when I come downstairs in the middle of the night?”

“I come down most every night, and you’ve only done that on… eventful nights.”

He debated telling Virgil his name, or his story. Why should Virgil need to know or care? The others certainly didn’t.

Then he looked at where Virgil stood. He looked so much better since he became a light side. He doesn’t look quite so skinny, and he seemed calmer before. Not right now, of course, but when he’s with the others. He obviously made the right choice.

“Do you really want to know?” Deceit asked. After Virgil nodded, Deceit sat down. And told him what had happened after the wedding.

When he came to the part of his name, Deceit faltered. Virgil hadn’t heard it before. What if he laughed? He couldn’t risk it. So he just said “when I told them my name”. There’s no reason he would want to know it anyway.

When the story was done, they sat in silence. It was less tense than before, but still uncomfortable. Virgil finally responded with, “Roman is always like that. He was with me, but he’ll get better.” He looked at Janus. “If there’s one thing they taught me, it’s that change can happen.”

For once, Janus couldn’t figure out his tone of voice. But after that, he stood up to go. “Virgil?” Janus said softly. Virgil turned to face him.

Janus slowly, tentatively took off his glove. Holding his bare hand up, he looked up at Virgil. “My name… is Janus.”

Virgil looked at Janus, and gave him the smallest ghost of a smile. “Good luck.” He climbed the stairs and disappeared into his room. Janus stayed there the rest of the night, watching the rain with that little smile in his mind.

Maybe things can change. For the better this time.

#sanders sides #it's kind of bad #I'm sorry #but not

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whitworth-waldo · 4 years

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So I was bored and wanted to write a Loceit fanfic. It's angsty and a hurt/comfort. There's multiple ships, but no poly, and Patron is ace, Remus is aro, Deciet is pan, Virgil is bi, Roman and Logan are gay. I'll have another part soon.

Anyway, here's the fic:

“Lying is never good! I just don’t see how lying to someone can help anyone!”

Patton was being uncharacteristically rude, even if Deceit was labeled a dark side, Patton was usually at least pleasant. Currently, however, he wasn't even letting Deceit finish his sentences, and this was making Deceit have a shorter and shorter temper.

“Maybe, if you actually let me fin-”

“Are you going to sit there and be rude to Patton? Of all people, you’re gonna be an ass to the one light side who can actually stand you?!”

Deceit put his hand on his head and sighed, everyone in the room could feel the scolding anger flooding off of Deceit. It was as if he would burst any minute, Logan didn’t doubt it.

“Virgil, Patton, if you don’t let him finish, then I won’t be able to hear his opinion. That is very important, if I can hear both sides, then I’ll be able to come up with the best combination of the two.”

Patton stared and Logan.

“Logan! You can’t tell me you're thinking of listening to someone who’s literally called ‘Deceit’!”

Deceit scoffed.

“Oh? Like Virgil hadn’t hidden the fact that he was a dark side until... “

Deceit looked at Virgil.

“How long again? Oh yeah! A few days ago! So you can trust someone who lies about what they are, but not someone who isn’t comfortable sharing their name? Also! Name one time I haven’t suggested lying when it wasn’t in Thomas’ best interest. Go on! I’ll wait.”

Virgil rolled his eyes.

“We all know that nothing good comes from lying.”

Deceit smirked.

“Oh really? What about whe-”

“No! There’s never been a time lying has helped us!”

Deceit took a deep breath and sighed, because once again, Patton hadn’t let him finish.

“Patton,”

Deceit looked at him.

“I get that you’re trying to be a goody toe shoe and solve all of Thomas’ problems with the kindest solutions, but believe it or not, this world is corrupt. In this world, doing the ‘right’ thing isn’t always the best option. In this world, if you try to help everyone, people take that as a weakness. They’ll use you and won’t even think twice about it. You don’t seem to get that. So please, learn when you need to put aside this whole ‘I’m just here to help everyone! Violence isn’t ever the right answer!’ Act, okay? Okay.”

Virgil scowled.

“And you, Deceit, tend to forget that we create content for people, and those people would be crushed if we lied to them. Lying isn’t a fix-all solution! We would get caught, and then we would lose so much support. Wouldn’t it be in Thomas’ interest to make sure people like us and we aren’t just that creator that messed up and got tossed aside? Self-preservation, right?”

Deceit crossed his arms.

“Virgil, please don’t lecture me on not always being right. 98% of the things you somehow manage to convince Thomas turns out to be things that would only happen in a fever dream. Again I never say that we should lie about everything! Only things that wou-”

“No!”

Patton was shaking his head, he also looked to be on the brink of tears. When Virgil saw this, he ran over to Patton and hugged him.

“Deceit! Apologize.”

Deceit shook his head.

“No. I’m not apologizing for speaking my mind and confronting him with the truth.”

Logan had to side with Deceit on this. Logan had always thought that the other sides, while pleasant to hang out with, were overly biased. They often did things that hurt Thomas in the long run. While Deceit did make up the lies that lasted a short time and usually did more harm than good, it was usually because Virgil was pressuring him and neither Roman or Remus could come up with anything.

“As much as I hate seeing Patton distressed, I have to side with Deceit. While he could have worded it better, he was being honest. Brutally so, but still honest.”

Virgil stared daggers at Logan.

“Are you serious?!”

Virgil took a deep breath and called Roman’s name. Roman came running in as soon as he heard his boyfriend shout.

“Yes? Anything wrong?”

Roman would have added “My love” at the end of one, or both, of those sentences, but he saw Deceit, and knew Virgil's distaste for the snake.

“Logan, could you please explain why you’re siding with… with Deceit?”

Roman looked at Logan in bewilderment.

“Just because you dislike him, doesn't mean all his pints or opinions are obsolete. He was honest, and he was right. Just because he’s Deceit, doesn’t mean all he does is lie. Just like you represent other things than just Anxiety, like fight or flight, Deceit represents other things than just dishonesty. He represents self-preservation, and Thomas’ will to live.”

Roman was looking to Deceit, then Logan, then Virgil, then repeating the cycle. He didn’t know who to side with. He wanted to side with his boyfriend, for obvious reasons, but he could also see Logan’s point.

“Oh! So you’re siding with the fucking Snake who called me basically useless?!”

Roman, upon hearing this, immediately rushed to Virgil and glared at Deceit and Logan.

“Deceit, leave. Now.”

Deceit rolled his eyes at Roman.

“Or what? You’re gonna get your sword? Oh no! I’m so scared!”

Deceit adopted a cowering position and used a mock scared voice. He knew he wasn’t making things better, but he also knew that no matter how hard he tried, the other sides wouldn't like him. He had given up trying to get them to like him long ago.

Virgil looked at Deceit.

“Ever wonder why I left the dark sides? You’re toxic. You and Remus both! You only criticize me and my ideas and fears. You guys never contribute anything good! If you weren’t a thing, Thomas would be in a much better situation! If you really want to help Thomas, as you claim, then maybe you should just stay out of everything!”

Deceit felt all emotion drain from his face. He did that whenever he got either really sad or angry. He hid it, he had learned early on that hiding emotion helps when lying. So he mastered it.

“Fine. You wouldn’t last a week without me.”

Deceit went to his room, even with it being on the opposite side of the house, everyone could hear the door slam.

“What was that about?”

Remus had just walked in. He saw Patton sniffling and trying to wipe his tears, he saw Logan standing opposite of Roman and Virgil, and he saw the couple standing in a defensive position.

“Nevermind.”

Remus walked out of the room backward.

“I can't believe you would side with him!”

Roman nodded.

“What is wrong with you?!”

Logan looked offended.

“What's wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?! You literally just told him he was worthless and he couldn’t fulfill his entire purpose for existence!”

Patton took a shaky breath.

“Do you r-really think that lying can be good?”

Logan looked at all three of the sides before answering a question with the most confidence he’s ever had in an answer.

“Absolutely.”

#loceit #logan sanders #deciet sanders #logan x deceit #deceit x logan #yeet #....

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sapphire-knight · 4 years

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HEY, WHO WANTS SOME FRESH FRESH ROMAN ANGST I COME UP WITH WHILE EATING A BREZEL?

- so, for the sake of this, you're gonna have to know some of the bases of Roman angst, aka: damaging art block, deep insecurities, a lot of critics by the others and self critic, and not being listened to. Good, now we can start

- here we are, let's start

- Roman has been quiet for months about all the critic he constantly recieves, with the reaaally hard ones (especially from Virgil and Logan) and with the deeply sugarcoated ones (from Patton) because he KNOWS that they're just trying to help with his ideas, even if they hurt

- but he can't blame the other light sides, they don't probably know that those critics really hurt.

- or maybe they aren't even hurtful, maybe it's just he that acts over-sensitive.

- and well, one day or the other he knows that he's going to break. He just hopes that no one will see him when it happens.

- and it happens in probably the worst moment. During an art block.

- for the first two days the prince managed to cover up the syntomps, but he had zero good ideas and the critics, mixed up with an upcoming fever, broke down his facade and left him in his room, crying.

- thank god, Remus came to check on him for, no one really knows what reason (we're talking about Remus, he could have had a lot of different reasons and none of them would make sense)

- and, of course, the "big brother instinct" kicked in so he just kneeled down near his twin trying to calm him down and making him explain what's happening, but Roman doesn't want to say a word (and doesn't reaaaally have the strenght to do it, the fever was rising pretty quickly)

- luckily, Remus understood a part of the problem by himself, he experienced several creative block too... but the fact is that it doesn't seem to be only that... Roman seems too weak for a normal fever, even for a creative block, and (let's be honest) Remus isn't really the best person at dealing with illness and such...

- so he says to the twin "I'm going to call Patton, ok?" But something strange happens

- Roman visibly flinches when Remus says the father-y side name, but why?

- Remus' first thought was that the prince didn't want any of the other side to see him in a "less than principesque moment"

- to be honest, it wasn't only that... Roman was afraid to be more of a failure to the others eyes... first he didn't have good ideas, now he had creative block? What they would think of him? But he couldn't say it...

- Worried by Ro's reaction, the twin understood that it was better to change metod

- so he brought his brother in the dark sides living room, and asked for Deciet's help instead.

- it can seem unespected, but Deciet is actually pretty good at healing the others (ok, maybe not so weird remembering that he probably had to heal Remus a lot of times, but still-)

- the only thing is... Deciet was not sure that he wanted to help. At least, at first. Sure, he didn't hate the romantic side, but he didn't know if he could trust him, but seeing the prince completely pale and the duke asking for his help in the most serious tone he ever heard in years, made Deciet forget all of his doubts.

- during the afternoon the fever went down a bit, but it was surely low enough to say that the prince was ok.

- Remus tried to ask his brother if he felt bad only because of the fever or if there was something else that he wanted to talk about, but he didn't answer

- Roman didn't answer for a simple reason: he tought that his reasons were stupid, but if he tried to lie about them Deciet would know that something's wrong. So the best thing to do is just to keep his mouth shut.

- the two dark sides exchanged a confuse and worried look, it's rare (and sign of something serious) seeing the romantic side being so quite... he was avoiding their eye contact, his breath was quite shaky and his shoulders were tense, almost like if he's waiting for something hurtful and he's preparing for it.

- it doesn't sound good, right? Well. Of course it isn't good. Why was he expecting something bad? Remus took a deep breath, and tried again. "Roman... are you really sire that everything is okay?" The prince nodded softly, even more nervous than before. Deciet frowned. It was an obvious lie. But the liar side tought that it was better to pretend to believe him, just to calm him down.

- after, like, 4 minutes Roman falls asleep ob the couch and the two dark sides talk about what to do. They both are sure that Ro isn't fine, but if the prince doesn't talk about it they can't know how to help.

- but the prince-ly side is too ill to partecipate to the filming of the new video, so Deciet has an idea: he will impersonate Roman until the prince isn't feeling better, so maybe he will even learn why the fancy side feels so bad.

- and this goes on smoothly for at least a week.

- Roman is getting better everyday, the creative block and the fever are almost gone and the light sides didn't discover the switch.

- Remus and Roman bonded more than before, and both of the two creativity were happy just to get to be together for a bit. And Deciet, even if he would not admit it even with a gun pointed at his head, started to really care about the prince and genuinely hoped that he would get better soon.

- but Deciet didn't know for how much he could keep this act go on.

- it wasn't because it was hard or something like that, not at all, it was because of something else.

- because of the critics.

- even for someone like him, used to not be liked and to being constantly pushed away by Patton and Virgil, even for him who heard a lot of harsh words from the anxious side, even for him this critics were too much.

- they arrived at the fourth day, and Deciet had an hard time to not break out of character. Logan's ones were like arrows, hit directly in the center of everything he said; Virgil's ones were like fire, they burned all with fury; Patton's ones were like a strange poison, you didn't feel the effect there on spot, they started to hurt only after you realized what he really meant. It felt like hell.

- when Dee came back he was on the verge of tears. Now he finally understood what scared Roman that much, and he hated it.

- Hated those harsh, inhumanly burning critics.

- And, mostly, hated the three light sides for saying them to the prince, who overworked himself almost everyday to try to make them proud, who spent hours and hours at perfectioning everything just to make sure that they will be happy.

- but they seem to not realize it...

- when he came back to the dark sides' living room he asked Remus if he could leave him alone with the prince for a some minutes and, even if with some doubts, the duke left the two alone

- Deciet thought that it was best to not tell what happened to the prince's twin, he could have a violent reaction, and make everything worse.

- when the liar was sure that the duke lest the room, he sat next to the romantic side, who still didn't want to make eye contact for some reasons.

- Deciet took a deep breath and then

- he hugged the prince.

- Roman freezed

- "I know what they do to you... I'm... so sorry..." at those words the prince cried.

- but this time were liberatory tears.

- finally someone understood.

- (and guys, this is exactly where you can see Deciet swearing on everything that if the others even TRY to make Roman cry again with al those critics, he's going to personally take them to hell.)

- let's make a timeskip to when this act finished, shall we?

- a week passed without problems (if you don't count Deciet's incresing desire to scream at every too harsh critic)

- ok, to be honest... count that problem. Because it's gonna explode. Or, well, Deciet's gonna explode.

- that day was a particulary... stressing one, for everybody. And this one Dee couldn't handle all the critics meant for Roman, and he snaps.

- He reveals himself and, before the three light sides could even start that little shocked scene when he appears, he was already losing all of his temper.

- he proceeded to expose to the trio what their critic did to the prince, lashing out without. Pity.

- the first one to react was Virgil who, of course, didn't believe a single word of what Dee said (even if he had some doubts)

- the second one was Patton, who sided with Virgil, with more doubts than the anxious side

- Logan... didn't react immediatly, he was lost in his thought. But then he said "... Where is Roman".

- Logan knew that Deciet wasn't lying. The story was too detailed and specific to be an inprovised lie. And, the worst past, it 2as plausible.

- the logical side knows how Roman can be insecure behind his facade of pride, he know that, sooner or later, the prince would have broke down for the stress and he tried to make is critics less distructive, he really tried... they all tried, but they understimated the situation, they thought that Roman wasn't all that affected by their criticism.

- everyone shut up for a moment. Deciet, with pure spite in his eyes, told them to follow him.

- Roman was with his twins, they were playing some sort of childish game, laughing happily.

- and then the questions came, like a tornado

- Are you ok? We really hurted you like this? We were too much? Why didn't you told us about it? Why didn't you say anything? Why did you just listened to us if we hurted you? Why did you stay quiet? Why didn't you fight back? Why you didn't act? Why you didn't stop us? Why? Why? Wh-

- "STOP IT!"

- Roman's eyes were full of tears and he was covering his ears with his hands "Please... Stop it..."

- Remus didn't esistate, he istantly summoned his morning star, looking at the three light sides with fire in his eyes. I wouldn't know how this will have ended if Deciet didn't stop him.

- the liar side kneeled down next to the crying prince and conforted him, but not before making a comment that destroyed the trio's hearts. "Even now that you KNOW what your criticism do to him and you want to say you're sorry, all of your concerns sound like critics for how he was scared to tell you to stop. Good job."

- at this point, Patton was this close to cry too, Virgil was covering his mouth with his hands with his eyes open with with horror for himself and Logan didn't know what to do, but he felt bad too.

- but the worst attack to their feelings was yet to come

- because Roman forced himself to stop crying, stood up and went to face the other three.

- and, with a shaky voice and death in his eyes, he said a simple and soft "I'm not mad for the critics."

- "I'm just sorry... for not being enough for you".

- and then, he sunk down and rose up in his room, locking the door.

I WROTE MORE THAN 2.FRICKING.000 WORDS FOR THIS IN ONE AFTERNOON. KILL ME.

Part two is now here!

People who wanted to be tagged: @jajathelivingmeme @purp-man @sanders-sketches

#THIS WAS A TRIP TO WRITE OH MY GOD #angst #ts angst #sanders sides angst #bullet fic #ts roman angst #roman sanders angst #Let Roman Be Happy 2k20 #hhhhhhh- I don't know- I'm gonna tag this as too but- free interpretation rights-#THE LIGHT SIDES HERE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EVIL/TOXIC/UNSYMPATHETIC DON'T WORRY-#platonic rociet #sapphire writes things

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theofficialcapclone · 4 years

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My Thoughts on Sanders’ Sides Selfishness v. Selflessness Rudux

Spoilers for the new Sanders' Sides episode Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux and a tiny bit of Steven Universe Future. So I don't usually write reviews or anything like that for Sanders' Sides episodes. However, there's a lot of things I think about Redux, the newest episode, that I think is worth sharing. Before I get into the nitty gritty, let me share my general opinion. I thought it was a really good episode, like all the other Sander Sides episodes. It has generally good humor, angst (which as someone who writes stories and DMs DND games, is very entertaining), and brings up good questions as well as answer some. I also love all the video game things, and while I didn't immediately laugh at the repeating Leslie joke, the third time it came around it got me. Not sure if this is my favorite episode, but it is definitely worth a watch. So the easiest way for me to get out my thoughts is by talking about each character and their roles in the episode. I'm going to start off by talking about Thomas, and then talking about the sides. Also, I'll be calling Deceit as Deceit until we get to his part.

Thomas (I'd like to clarify, I'm talking about Thomas as a character in the series. None of the things I'm about to say are what I think of Thomas in real life.) Honestly, I don't have a lot to say about Thomas himself. I always see Thomas as the character who you can imagine being, like how Harry Potter is. He's the one to ask the majority of the questions you or I would ask, and the emotions he goes through, the delimas, are all ones that we can and do go through. Beyond that, I don't have anything to really say about him.

Logan Logan didn't have much of a role in this episode, which to me is fine since he had a big role in Dealing with Intrusive Thought. I was admittingly a bit annoyed at the parts of his information I had to read, instead of him just saying it, but I understand why they went with that and I still enjoyed learning the information he brought into the episode. It's likely this episode won't effect him much in future episodes, and this episode didn't really change my opinion of him. (He's my favorite side BTW.)

Roman Oh boy, now we have 2 sad boys in the Sanders Sides household. It's really interesting to see Roman dealing with moral delimas, since we don't see him dealing with these types of delimas as often as say Patton or Virgil. I can see he definitely adds to Thomas's reckless selflessness thoughts that we see him struggle with throughout the episode. I also think it's cool to see him not exactly disagree that he hasn't done harm, but willing to admit it. However, that doesn't mean he won't side with a light side even if he thinks that they're wrong, as we see when Deceit shows up when Patton turns into a giant frog. He sees things in a very black and white way, which as we know isn't exactly how things are. In future episodes, we'll likely see him struggling to accept Deciet, and we might even see him become a bit aggressive with Virgil again since Virgil was a dark side. Roman will likely continue struggling with Bias towards the dark sides in future episodes and will also likely get an episode talking about this issue.

Patton So, I'm gonna admit, I was annoyed with Patton throughout the episode. Just, his constant talking about how you should aim to be selfless, no matter the cost, was really irking me. If that's what Thomas and his team were trying to make the audience feel annoyed, or as least that there was definitely something wrong, then they did an awesome job. I'm glad that they didn't go in the direction of Patton being right or Patton being completely wrong. Just, good intentions but the wrong idea. I'm also glad that Patton was accepting of Deceit, showing that Patton can see the good in anyone, even someone who seems to be someone you wouldn't want to associate yourself with. Patton will continue to struggle with helping Thomas know what the right thing to do is, but he's making progress towards figuring that out. We'll likely see him struggle in little ways, and growing as a character. I can't wait to see what happens with Patton in the future. Also, this isn't much of a deep thought, but I have a feeling that Patton's transformation into a giant frog was inspired by the part in Steven Universe Future when Steven becomes corrupt.

Virgil ...Or, a lack of Virgil, I should say. The entire video I thought 'You know, Virgil would bring up some good points both for and against Patton's argument'. I feel like with the lack of Virgil we're going to get something big with him, along with the dark sides. I think he could be wondering if he really belongs with the light sides, and if Roman keeps arguing against Deceit being accepted, then he's going to break. For right now, he's a bit of a mystery, again. Will he rejoin the dark sides? Will he stand by the light sides, even if he has to fight for it, even a light side? Or will he decide that neither side is for him and become neutral? For now, all we can do is speculate.

Deceit/Janus I'm really glad Deceit/Janus isn't being perceived as just a dark side in this series. He brings up really good points and he's a delight to see on screen. I really like the message he brings that you need to allow yourself leisure time, or you'll go insane or even hurt yourself if you don't. The way he moves during the time he is on screen in Thomas's living room is subtle, but it does show that he does want to be accepted by Thomas and the light sides. The way he sways, the way his eyes move. The fact that he told us his name! his actions show us he wants to be accepted. Deceit has easily become my second favorite side thanks to this episode. At the end of the day, he wants to help Thomas, just like the light sides do. Lets just hope Roman doesn't crush his chances at proving so.

Remus Remus also wasn't in this episode, but seeing how Deceit has similar humor to Remus is just, perfect. like, yes. This is how living with people really is. You end up getting the same sense of humor whether you like it or not.

~~~

So, in conclusion, this was an extremely enjoyable episode with a lot of things to say about it. I can't wait to see what happens in this series next~

(Let me know if you guys like this, I might continue it if you guys like it.)

#sanders sides #spoilers #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #deciet sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides spoilers

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deadanddeactivated · 4 years

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‘Morality’

Fandom: Sanders Sides Pairing: Patton (Morality) & Deceit Characters: Patton (Morality), Logan (Logic), Deceit, others mentioned Summary: The sides can change, they all know that. Virgil's changed, the twins have changed, Deceit has changed, Logan has changed.

Patton has changed.

AO3

Things had been better in the mindscape lately. Thomas had accepted all his sides which meant no more barriers. No more rooms in dark, untouched corners. Finally, everyone was together and they were a family. A big, chaotic but wonderful family.

Most of the time, Patton could believe that.

Sitting on the edge of Thomas’ mind, staring out into the subconscious, Patton wasn’t in the mood to pretend. Things had been better lately, but they're still weren’t perfect. Especially not where he was concerned.

“Why would they be?” He muttered to himself. “Things wouldn’t need to be better if not for you. Gee, you really messed things up morality.”

“It’s rare to hear you call yourself that.” Patton jumped at the new voice. He relaxed a little when he saw it was only Logan, standing in the door and looking at him with a small frown. “Am I correct in assuming that means you’re upset?”

“Oh I’m alright.” Patton assured, forcing a grin. He dropped the grin when Logan rose an eyebrow. “I guess I’m just…” He trailed off, not sure how to explain the bubbling feelings in his stomach.

“Feeling guilty for things you didn’t do?” Logan worded it for him and Patton shrugged.

“I did technically do them.” Patton mumbled. “I am Morality.”

“But you haven’t always been. Just as I haven’t always been Logic.” Logan argued. He took a seat next to Patton, though his legs remained firmly crossed on the balcony not hanging over it.

“Learning and Logic aren’t so different.” Patton claimed.

“That isn’t what I meant.” Logan said.

“I know.” Patton sighed. “But it’s different. Curiosity was barely around a few minutes before he spilt into you and-” He cut himself off abruptly, turning his head away. He couldn’t say that name. He didn’t have a right to say that name.

“Yes, Morality was around for a much more specific amount of time.” Logan accepted. “But that is really the only difference.”

“Curiosity didn’t hurt anyone.” Patton muttered.

“I’m rather sure we hurt the cat.” Logan claimed. “Do you hold a grudge about that?”

“It’s not the same Logan!” Patton snapped, turning his head to glare at Logan. The movement, or maybe the anger, caught Logan off guard and Patton immediately looked away again. He wiped his eyes, trying to clear the water and the glare from them. “Morality torn King in two, and banished Deceit and Remus.”

“Yes. Morality did that.” Logan said and even though Patton knew it wasn’t coming he waited for the anger. Anger like Deciets, cold and cruel, or Anger like Remus’, fearful and bitter. Of course neither came, not from Logan. “It wasn’t you.”

“I am Morality.” Patton reminded.

“You weren’t then.” Logan argued.

“I might as well have been.” Patton huffed. “We were one in the same, really. And he was what I was meant to become.”

“But you didn’t.” Logan said. With no argument for that, Patton stayed silent. Eventually, Logan sighed and stood. “I think you should tell Deceit the truth.”

“He wouldn’t believe me.” Patton argued, like he had every other time Logan brought this up.

“Falsehood.” Logan said. “I don’t believe you are scared he won’t believe you. I think you are… punishing yourself, because you believe you are guilty and so you are allowing him to believe you are because you think that is what you deserve. But that too, is a falsehood.” Patton could only stare for a moment, surprised he’d been so… called out.

“I didn’t know you were so good at reading emotions.” He said when he finally got over his shook.

“Yes, well, I suppose it was bound to rub off eventually.” Logan said, clearing his throat.

“I guess I’ll think about talking to Deceit.” Patton agreed, even knowing he likely wouldn’t. Unfortunately, Logan seemed to see right through him.

“Patton, please.” He said. “Morality hurt you too, in ways Deceit will understand much better than I can.”

“He didn’t hurt me Logan.” Patton practically whispered, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Falsehood.” Logan’s own response was soft and shortly followed by the sound of the logical side walking off. Sighing, Patton tried to push the word away. Morality hadn’t hurt him, not really. Not compared to how he hurt them.

A few hours later, Patton heard someone approaching once more. Patton took a deep breath and forced a smile onto his face, hoping his eyes weren’t too puffy, before he turned to face them. He was expecting Logan once more, or maybe Virgil who had a talent for sensing negative emotions. Instead, his smile dropped as he saw Deceit in the doorway.

“Logan doesn’t seem to think you have something to tell me.” The side said, looking down at his nails like he was entirely uninterested. “I’ve never known you were a liar, but I thought you bothered keeping things from me.” Apparently Logan hadn’t trusted him to talk to Deceit on his own terms then.

“Um…” Patton tried to find his words but came up empty. What was he meant to do now? He couldn’t actually… he couldn’t tell Deceit. But wasn’t it wrong to keep this from him? Or was it right to let Deceit have someone to blame? It didn’t take long for Patton to spiral himself around, debating the wrongs and rights and only getting more confused.

“Morality?” Deceit frowned, looking up to find… well, honestly to find a mess. Tears streamed down Patton’s face, his whole body was shaking, and little sniffles and hiccups escaped his mouth.

“I’m not.” Patton managed through hiccups, shaking his head hard. “I wasn’t, not back then.” Despite elbroating, Deceit was no less confused.

“What do you mean?” He asked, stepping forward. Patton tried to explain but his words came out too jumbled with sobs and gasps as everything he’d bottled up for so long finally boiled over. Pushing aside his questions for the moment, Deceit knelt in front of Patton. “Patton, you need to breath.” He said, lies gone from his voice. “Can you breathe with me?” Patton managed to nod and as Deceit started to count out his breaths, Patton listen. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Slowly but surely, Patton’s breaths evened out and he got his tears under control.

“I’m sorry.” Patton mumbled, wiping his eyes.

“You can’t make it up to me by explaining what you were saying before.” Deceit said, sitting back a little further now that Patton seemed alright. The glasses wearing side hesitated a moment, biting his bottom lip, before nodding.

“Well, um, you know how we can change right?” Patton started.

“Of course not. I’ve always been Deceit.” The scaled side hissed, making Patton flinch. Sighing, Deceit schooled his expression. “Sorry, continue.” He instructed.

“When Thomas was born I was just his Heart.” Patton mumbled. “Just his emotions. There was only me and Instinct back then, until... until Morality came. He wasn’t like us, he didn’t look like Thomas and he was much, much older. He told me I’d take his place one day, and that until there he had to teach me. And then… it was like we merged but without really merging. I guess it was more like I was watching the world from his head.”

“There was a different Morality?” Deceit frowned. “And only Instinct knew?”

“At first, but… well, when Thomas would get very emotional it was like I took over.” Patton tried to explain. “Logan and, and King, they meet me a few times. Apparently I looked completely different as me and not, not him.”

“What happened to him?” Deceit asked.

“I don’t know.” Patton admitted. “It was like he faded. I started noticing I had more and more control over his body and then one morning he was just… gone. Logan said it was because Thomas had his own morality now, that when he was little Thomas just accepted what adults said was right and wrong but he didn’t do that anymore.”

“I don’t see…” Deceit frowned. Patton waited as the other processed the information, growing more nervous with each passing second. Would Deceit still blame him? “Why didn’t you tell me?” Deceit finally broke the silence.

“Well…” Patton mumbled before sighing and forcing himself to continue. “I didn’t like what Morality did to you, or to King but I… I wasn’t sure how to argue with him. Even when he was gone. It took me a long time to realize he wasn’t always right. And then I thought it was too late. You hated me, and I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to get King back. So I just… I thought maybe it was better to let you keep being mad at me. That way at least you had someone to be mad at.” He admitted, almost entirely in one breath.

“Is that what you wanted? For me to be mad at you?” Deceit didn’t even blink an eye at the quick speech, perhaps because he was so used to it with Remus.

“Of course not!” Patton said. “But wasn’t it better for you to be mad at someone who was still here?”

“But what about what you want?” Deceit asked, frowning.

“What about what I want?” Patton frowned right back.

“I’ve decided I don’t believe you.” Deceit sighed, pushing himself back to lay on the balcony. For a minute, Patton’s heart stopped and then he realized Deceit was lying. “You know, your allowed to want things.”

“I do want things!” Patton argued.

“And I can’t spot a lie when I hear one.” Deceit rolled his eyes. Patton opened his mouth to argue but stopped. Now that Deceit had pointed it out, he couldn’t remember the last time he really went for something he wanted. At least not for himself. Huh. When had that started?

But even as he wondered it, Patton knew. How often had Morality scolded him for wanting something? For wanting to talk to Logan, or play pretend with King. For wanting to be his own person that wasn’t tied to Morality.

For wanting Thomas to have whatever made him happy, even when he shouldn’t. Just like Desire.

But Patton had already decided Morality was wrong about Desire, about Deceit. Did that mean he was wrong about Patton too?

“I want to be friends.” Patton said, firmly and irrationally fearing a Morality that was long gone. “All of us.”

“I don’t want that too.” Deceit said. He patted the spot next to him and Patton, grinning, laid down.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Patton said.

“I’m not sorry you had to share a head with that jerk.” Deceit huffed. “That sounds delightful.”

“It wasn’t too bad. He was just… very static and set in his ways… okay, it was pretty bad.” Patton gave in. For a while they just stared up at the sky of Thomas’ mind. It had been a long time since Patton had stared at these stars, a mixture of constellations that Logan had learnt by heart, and constellations King had thought were better than reality. Remus and Roman hadn’t touched them since they came to be, Patton wasn’t sure they knew they could.

“I want to see King again I miss him.” He admitted. He’d never admitted that before, not even to himself. “But I don’t want to lose the twins.”

“I can’t relate.” Deceit sighed. “I don’t hope that one day, it might happen.”

“One day.” Patton nodded. There had been working together a lot lately, and Thomas had accepted that his imagination was more than either of them alone. They’d just have to see where that led.

“You know… if we’re not friends,” Deceit started some time later, “then you cannot call me Dante.” Patton shot up with a gasp, grinning ear to ear as he looked over. Deceit was staring off somewhere else, face flushed.

“Did you just tell me what I think you did?!” He asked, almost bouncy.

“No.” Deceit, Dante, confirmed.

“That’s so cool!” He grinned.

“Just, definitely tell everyone because I am certainly ready for them all too know.” Dante mumbled.

“I won’t, I promise... Dante.” Patton swore, unable to keep the grin off of his face for more than a moment.

“I definitely haven’t made a mistake.” Dante huffed as Patton laid back down again. It did nothing to curb Patton’s grin. Those words didn’t sound like a lie.

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frogsandsanderssides · 5 years

Text

My Contest Entry

Hope you like it, @stop-it-anxiety !

(VIRGILS POV)

My hands were shaking and my eyes were sore and red from my most recent panic attack. I was on the floor of my private bathroom, drenched in sweat and tears. I was thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve eaten (I figured about four days) when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I went from the bathroom and wiped the tears from my eyes. I didn’t have to try that hard to cover up when I had a panic attack, as the other sides had never really paid much attention to me. Of course with the exception of Patton, Thomas’s morality. He had always been too caring. He had always checked up on me and made sure I’d eaten a days worth of food. He would probably be shoving waffles down my throat if it hadn’t been for me storing all of the food in my mouth at meals and spitting it out the moment he left the room. Logan, on the other hand, didn’t have many deep emotions towards anyone, especially me. Though I do feel that he might have a little crush on Patton. But never mind that. I never felt a need to hide anything from Logan, seeing as besides the occasional “eat, you need to keep your immune system strong” he doesn’t seem to care. He’s all about facts. To him, I eat enough for me to stay alive. Then there’s Roman, who I feel like doesn’t really care about me at all. Even though I will NEVER say it to his face, I have to admit that I am impressed by him, as he always keeps a positive attitude. Though, I guess that’s expected, as he is Thomas’s creativity. I’ve always wanted to be positive, but that just doesn’t seem like me. I’m Anxiety, always the bad guy. Roman could never like someone like me.

Then another knock at the door. I groaned as I trudged over to the entrance and opened the door.

“What do you want Pa- Oh,” I looked up to see the prince staring at me.

“Virgil, I was just checking up on you,” he started. Why would he ever see if I’m okay? “I thought I had heard crying or something in here.” Roman let himself into my room and sat on my bed.

“Well, I’m fine now. I doubt you really care anyway about whatever I’m going through.” I pushed him back up and started opening the door for him.

“Virgil, I know you just kind of joined our little group, but all of us, me included, are worried about you. You haven’t been out of your room the past two days,” Roman sighed. He closed the door and stood in front of it. My only way of escaping besides the balcony was blocked. Guess I have to listen.

“Look, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Princey, but I don’t exactly fit in here very well. You shouldn’t even worry. I’m Anxiety, I experience a few emotional lapses every few weeks. Just leave me alone,”

“I’m tired of all of this angsty ‘leave me alone’ and ‘emotion lapses’ crap. You haven’t eaten in days, as far as me and the others can tell. So, like it or not, I’m making you dinner tonight and you will choke it down no matter how bad it is,” Roman demanded. I figured I’d just let him have this one thing.

“Fine. I’m only doing this for Patton though,” I grumbled.

“Whatever keeps you eating. And by the way, Patton and Logan are out for the night. They went to the movies and will be eating dinner at some fancy place,”

“Well, I guess that’s fine. Mom and Dad need their time alone,” I joked. To my surprise he actually laughed. Wow, that’s cute. Wait, what the hell am I thinking? Roman is not cute. He’s a narcissistic little prince. I found myself blushing anyway. The way he laughed almost took all of my last panic attack’s aftermath effects away.

“So, it’s almost six. We should start to make dinner. Wanna help, Virge?” Roman asked. He showed his puppy dog eyes.

“Whatever, I guess,” I kept my head down, trying to cover the blush seeping through my pale foundation. And to make matters worse, he grabbed my frickin’ hand. He flung the door open and pulled me through the hallway. “Let us go” he chanted as we ran to the kitchen. Well, this should be fun.

Word Count- 752

Chapter 2

(ROMAN’S POV)

I was pulling Virgil into the dining room when I looked over to see him as red as my sash.

“What’s wrong? Why are you blushing? Aw, am I making you flustered?” I laughed. He didn’t answer, just blushed and covered his face even more. Whatever. He looked pretty attractive flustered. What am I thinking? Never mind. He’s a dark, emo nightmare. (But he could be my emo nightmare.) I pulled him into the kitchen, looking through the cupboard to see what we should cook.

“Have you ever cooked, Virgil?” I asked.

“No- No never in my life. Patton always cooks for me,” he seemed almost ashamed, covering his face.

“It’s alright, calm down. I can teach you. Why are you covering your face like that?” I moved closer to him, my face inches from his. I pulled down his hand from his face and put it in mine. When I realized what I was doing, I started blushing almost as much as he was. We started a standstill, staring into each other's eyes for almost a minute, I’m guessing. But it felt like forever.

“So, what are we cooking!” I almost yelled, pulling away from him.

“You tell me,” He moved to the counter getting ready to cook.

“How about some steak? Rare,” I said, knowing very well that it was Virgil’s favorite.

Chapter 3

VIRGIL’S POV)

How did he know it was my favorite? It was probably just a coincidence. We started getting the ingredients together, brushing off what had just happened. It didn’t mean anything to him. It couldn’t have. He hates me. He says so all the time. I mean, it must mean something when he gives me all of those horrible nicknames.

It was awkward making dinner. There were no interactions between the occasional longing look and blushing every time we saw each other give it. Finally we finished, sitting down at the dinner table.

“This is actually pretty good, Princey,” I smirked at him, scarring down the food. It was amazing.

“Please, everything I do is great!” He boasted.

“Of course my dashing prince,” I swooned sarcastically. “Especially your nicknames for me. They are just great! They don’t make me feel like a raging dumpster fire and complete trash at all!” Shit, did I say that out loud? Princey’s eyes widened, soon replaced with a worried look.

Chapter 4

(ROMAN’S POV)

My eyes widened by his remark. Did I really make him feel that bad? I thought I was just poking fun. I really care about him. I really do.

“Virgil, do I actually make you feel that way?” His eyes welled up with tears.

“Of course not, Roman,” He used my proper name. He never does that. “Just kidding, of course,” He finished. As soon as those four words came from his mouth, he reached his breaking point. He fell to his knees, failing at trying to hold back sobs. Yet, he looked up at me. And smiled.

“This doesn’t mean anything. You should probably go to your room, Roman. I’m fine, I swear,” Virgil said through choking sobs. I couldn’t bring myself to leave him. I knelt down onto the kitchen floor where he was laying and gently put my arm around him. He tensed at the contact, but soon melted into it. I whispered into his ear,

“I am so, so truly sorry for making you feel this way. I feel absolutely awful,” He just cried even harder, grabbing my sash in the process. I knew that I should be comforting him, but I couldn’t help feeling the least bit flustered from him being so close.

“Is there anything, anything, that I could do for you?” I asked, putting my hand on his chin and lifting his face to mine. We were almost kissing. I could feel his breath on my lips as he said,

“Could we, could we just watch a Disney movie or something?” Virgil asked with teary eyes. “And, don’t tell Logan and Patton about the panic attack, alright?”

“Of course, my Emo Nightmare,” I picked him up bridal-style causing him to squeak and grab a hold of my sash again. That was probably the cutest thing that he has ever done. I carefully laid him on the couch. And, much to my surprise, he cuddled into my chest. This was much different than he would normally address this kind of situation. I chuckled at his red face.

“So, what are we watching?” I asked him quietly.

“Something about dressing in drag and doing the hula,” He weakly laughed.

“Lion King it is, then.”

Chapter 5

(VIRGIL’S POV)

Roman and I cuddled and watched the Lion King. Well, I was watching his face for the most part. The way he reacted to each scene in the movie was priceless. I’ll admit it, he’s the cutest Prince I’ve ever seen. Somehow he looked so much better than me, even though we have the same face. I just can’t believe I had a panic attack in front of him. I couldn’t really control it though. All of Deciet’s words were just popping in my head.

You know he doesn’t love you.

None of them do.

Those names that Princey calls you are true.

Stop struggling.

You can’t escape me.

Just leave this world.

I was just so surprised that Roman helped me. Maybe he likes me.

Never. No one but me ever will. You should never have left me, Virgil.

That’s probably true. Nevertheless, I clung to Roman for protection.

Time skip brought to you by Patton’s. Second. Cookie.

(PATTON’S POV)

Me and Logie has just gotten back to the mind palace from our first date. Logan has recently told me that he was ‘attracted’ to me and that he would ‘like to take me for a romantic outing’, as he put it. Of course I said yes! Though I was worried about leaving the kiddos home alone together. I just know they have feelings for each other!

“Come on, My Star. Let’s go in the house,” Logan said.

“But first!” I kissed him SMACK DAB ON THE LIPS, pulling back to see a smiling, blushing dope. But as we opened the front door, I almost screeched. VIRGIL AND ROMAN VIRGIL AND ROMAN. We see Virgil with his hand around Roman’s sash and his face buried in his neck. Meanwhile, Roman was snoring quite loudly and protectively holding Virgil, both arms around him, as Virgil was almost on top of him. I took a picture (or maybe like three hundred) for blackmail purposes. Then, I quietly led Logan up to my room. Time for cuddles!!!

Chapter 6

(Roman’s POV)

I woke up to find my arms around a pillow, in place of where my emo cuddle buddy was. I groaned and stretched out my arms, when I heard a cheery,

“Good morning!” Patton said.

“Morning, Padre,” I was still tired. Me and Virgil had probably fallen asleep at around twelve. Usually I don’t stay up that late. I need my beauty sleep.

“How was your night in with your boyfriend?” Patton said with a very exaggerated wink. UGG DAD.

“What, n-no. Me and Virgil aren’t dating, we are just friends…” I sighed.

“You like him, don’t you. YOU LIKE HIMMMMM. ROMAN!” Patton yelled.

“Quiet down, Dad. And no, of course not! Last night was just a flute,”

“A flute is a wind instrument and a fluke is an unlikely occurrence. Get your facts straight, Roman,” Logan walked into the living room with his book and opened to the middle.

“I can’t keep my facts straight. I’m not straight,”

“He’s not straight because of Virgillllll! My son has a boyfriend!!” Patton giggled.

“Nooooo. Me and him are not- whatever. I’m going to my room,” I trudged up to my room as Patton and Logan high-five. I went past the others’ rooms as I tried to get to mine. That is when I heard the singing.

Chapter 7

Purple is Virgil Singing.

Red is Roman.

Blue is Both.

(Virgil’s POV)

As Roman started to stir from his sleep, I got off of him and groggily went to my room. To be honest, for some reason I didn’t want to leave his arms. They almost comforted me. But I knew for a fact that Roman didn’t like me like that. I went into my room and picked up my guitar. I have always loved playing and singing. It was just such a good escape from my anxiety. Or myself, I guess. I picked up the guitar and tuned it. When I was satisfied, I strummed the first cord and started singing.

If I never felt this love

If I never knew you

I would have no inkling of

How precious life can be

For some reason I was in the mood for a love song. And Disney. I guess Roman had rubbed off on me.

And if I never knew you

I would never have a clue

How at last I'd find in you

The missing part of me

I think I might like him. Why, though? He is a Prince. Too good for me. My head started spinning with thoughts dancing around in my head. Before I knew it, I was crying. But I continued nevertheless.

In this world so full of fear

Full of rage and lies

I can see the truth so clear

In your eyes

So dry your eyes

I looked behind me and saw the man himself. He must have seen my tears. I went speechless.

And I'm so grateful to you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Lost forever

He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from my desk chair and threw my guitar on the bed. He spun me around and started swaying with me in his arms.

If I never knew you

I'd be safe but half as real

Never knowing I could feel

I choked out the words, since I was in awe of what was happening.

A love so strong and true

I'm so grateful to you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Lost forever

If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful

Somehow we made the whole world bright

I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong

All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night

But still my heart is singing

We were right

If I never knew you

There's no moment I regret

If I never knew this love

I would have no inkling of

If our time has gone too fast I've lived at last

How precious life can be

I thought our love would be so beautiful

Somehow we'd make the whole world bright

I thought our love would be so beautiful

We'd turn the darkness into light

And still my heart is singing

We were right

We danced back and forth to each other.

And if I never knew you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Empty as the sky

Never knowing why

By the last line, I was a blushing mess and Roman was smirking, something I had never seen before. We started slow dancing, holding each other close.

Lost forever

And suddenly, he kissed me.

To all all others looking at this, reblog/like if you like the fanfic!

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re-side-this · 5 years

Text

FamILY Curse Part 1

Word Count: 1,108

Note: This takes place Pre-Accepting Anxiety but all the current characters in Sanders Sides will be there sooner or later.

Warnings: Cursing, De-aging, Dragon Witch, Remus in general, jumping third perspectives

Relations: platonic!Dukexiety, Creativitwins

Summary: When dealing with anger one usually forgets the dangers in Imagination, triggering a series of curses Anxiety and Roman now have to break the first curse in order to free the others. The only problem is, the first side cursed was the one Roman didn't want any of them to meet yet: Remus.

Intrusive Child

Remus knew it was dangerous to be in the Imagination Realm when both brothers were angry at the other. Thoughts are dangerous since they can be fleeting, one second you're thinking of what to eat the next you're thinking of characters from a story that you think are going to die.

"Mister Royal Pain in the Ass can believe all he wants in his fairytales, just wait Roman, we are after all Creativity. We represent ALL of Thomas's dreams, he isn't so innoce— ah great you."

Standing in front of him looking amused stood one of Roman's creation, though the fanciful side assumes this one was Remus's creation it was actually Roman's: The Dragon Witch.

"Trouble in paradise, your grace?"

Remus glared at the purple skinned woman. "Go suck a dick, I don't need your sarcasm right now."

"Listen here bastard, I'm trying to help, you don't need to bite my head off when you're vexed at Prince Roman." The glaring contest between the two started to make the Imagination Realm darker, storm clouds forming a vortex around the two.

"What's!—What are you doing?" A flash of fear ran through Remus's spine as the Dragon Witch's eyes glowed a eerie orange.

"Well here's something to help you get back your precious family back. Let's see how far they will go when you are defenseless, child."

With that a beam of orange light shoot out of the Witch's hand hitting Remus just above his heart. A hot wave of pain coursed through Remus as the witch disappeared in a flash of white, storm clouds disappearing making it seem like if nothing had happened.

"Fuck! I need to get out of here." Glaring at the spot where the curse he now has, had happened he started to think of his options: Go to Anxiety, who at the moment was with the Light Sides or go to Deciet, who even though was in the Dark Side was farther away then the Imagination Realm.

Another wave of heat ran through him, Anxiety it is then.

I need to hurry, I need to hurry, I need to DAMN IT!

As Remus was stumbling towards his fellow dark side he could hear the now core four discussing Thomas's change in life.

"Really? I find that hard to believe." Anxiety spoke just as Remus was close to slumping to the ground. "You wonder why all these changes are throwing you off? It's the lessening of steady constants in your life."

Remus scuffed, he didn't need to know this shit. It was already pretty obvious to him, Anxiety was just pointing it to their oblivious host.

"Oh my goodness! That's right Thomas, and you are a Taurus!" What does a zodiac matter in this, puffball especially when I feel like I'm dying!

"When you're in these new settings and situations, you know something is off."

Remus finally crumbled to the ground, gasping desperately for air. "Anx—Anxiety."

"What is?" Logan spoke looking a bit peeved.

"Something."

"Anxiety, please!" Remus finally whimpered out, finally getting his attention. Anxiety froze, not yet seeing the Intrusive Creativity but knowing something was wrong.

"You can't even give an example?"

"Something is off." Anxiety breathe out, eyes scanning around him trying to find what was making him uneasy.

Thomas groaned in frustration, though now Roman was staring at Anxiety as he searched. "I hate it when you're just vague!"

Patton started to panic just as Anxiety found Remus, pale and feverish, clutching his midsection as he mouthed the words 'help me' over and over again.

"Ahh! Anxiety—" "Remus."

The other four froze, all for different reasons, as Anxiety turned around and popped out of the staircase and into the Mind Palace. Anxiety was shaking as he wrapped his arms around Remus.

"What in the world happened? Are you okay? Who hurt you? Why did you—" a shiver from Remus made him freeze. "It hurts, everything is so cold."

Anxiety once again froze as he contemplated on his next move, before taking of his jacket and draping it around the green Side. "I got you ReRe, don't worry."

Back in the Common Area, Thomas, Patton and Logan were confused. "Is that Anxiety's name? Remus?"

Roman was still frozen, staring at the space Anxiety once stood, why did he say his brother's name? What's going on?

"Thomas, may I suggest summoning Anxiety, er Remus. . .? Is that his actual name? We didn't get any clarification, just Remus." Logan glanced at Roman, then back at Anxiety's placement. Did the fanciful side know what was going on?

"Remus, how many fingers am I holding?" Anxiety spoke softly, holding said side closer to his chest. Remus significantly relaxed with the heat radiating from Anxiety and the extra warmth from the jacket. A mumble response was all that Anxiety got back before he stared at Remus in horror as he started to shrink.

"No, nope, nope this not happening!" Anxiety whispered to himself as Remus started to look younger, fitting into his wrapped arms easier.

A child that looked around three to four years old was now in the place Remus once was. A tired yawn came out of Remus as he snuggled closer to Anxiety, his heartbeat becoming a sweet lullaby to the now young side. You have GOT to be kidding me!

"No!" Roman screamed as the others' suggestion. "Don't summon Remus!"

The others stared at Roman in surprise. "Roman, I know you don't really have a liking to Anxi— Remus, dang I have to get used to that, but he is needed to help Thomas, kiddo."

"Anxiety is not Remus, you know what I'll just summon Surly Temple, we don't need to start fighting on this."

Anxiety looked down at the now sleeping child on his chest, wrapping his hoodie around the both of them as he fixed his hold to make sure that Remus didn't fall.

"Well this sure isn't how I wanted things to go today. You always did love causing chaos, but I know this isn't your form of chaos."

Anxiety felt the pull of being summoned but ignored it as Remus mumble soothing in his sleep. "What was that ReRe?"

"Mommy's warm."

Wait. What. Anxiety felt the pull of summon tug harder at him. Well, might as well start this train wreck.

Roman raised his arm in an upward motion. "Anxiety! Please I beg you don't bring Remus here!"

Anxiety popped back to his spot holding his jacket in his arms, eyes closed as he started to hum and bounce the bundle lightly in a soothing manner. "I can't leave to deal with an issue for one minute, can I?

#ts roman #ts remus #ts logan #ts virgil #ts thomas #ts patton #ts anxiety #anxiety sanders #ts creativity #creativity twins #creativitwins #logic #logic sanders #ts morality #morality sanders #dragon witch #first sanders side fic #mom virgil #FamILY curse

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Text

Overgrown Metal

Chapter 2: Camping

Summary of fic:

Almost two decades ago, the fae rose up from beyond the realm with technology far surpassing the human race, quickly taking over after laying waste to nearly everything in their wake. Virgil and Roman, Society escapees and hunters, run into an uncertain future while fleeing from their pasts. Remy and Remus stare their only chance straight in the face as they teeter on the edge of reluctant adventure. Emile is left his cousins engineering palace and is given the tools to change the world. Logan, a lone researcher and outcast is found by an old friend who offers him a chance of the century. Hyden (deciet), can shift into anything he so chooses, but staying true to his form as his heritage slaps him sideways proves harder than he thought. Patton mourns the loss of his son as he slowly uncovers secrets he wishes aren't related.

Or less wordy:

Eight idiots with trust issues fumble around each other and try to save the world from killer mechanical beasts and fairies that will snap your neck without taking their hands from their wine glasses.

Warnings: Violence, fight scenes, dark fantasy, apocalypse setting, some gore, blood

TW for this chapter: spiraling thoughts, mentions of anxiety. If you see more you want mentioned, please say something.

Ships: Remy (sleep) x Remus. Brotherly Roman and Virgil. Platonic Logan and Hyden (Deciet)

Wrapping his cloak tighter around himself, the young man grumbled quietly to himself as he scooted closer to the small fire. Two cans of mini raviolis sat nearby, cracked open slightly and heating up just a foot away from the flames. He let out a quiet curse as his stomach grumbled loudly, making more noise in a couple seconds than he had in a week.

'What the hell is taking you so long?' he thought at his still absent companion. The water of the nearby river was freezing, it shouldn't be taking this long to clean. He would had heard if the other was attacked. Even if the attacker was silent Roman typically wasn't, their overly dramatic battle cries carrying over fields if they so chose them too. Maybe they fell in? Again, he would have heard the yell...unless the shock from the cold rendered them nonverbal. Or something had dragged them in. Maybe while cleaning off their weapons their hand had slipped and they had sliced themself open and was currently bleeding out and he wouldn't know because he was being too stubborn to leave the warmth of the fire. What if they fell and cracked their head open on a rock? What if-

Cruching footsteps interrupting his racing thoughts and he breathed a quiet sigh of relief. While he was getting better at not having to check on Roman every few minutes to make sure they were still around, it didn't stop his thoughts from quickly spiraling when the thought of him being alone again filled his head. Roman plopped down beside him having deposited their pack with their other belongings nearby, leaning forward to carefully take the cans away from the fire and depositing one in front of each of them before procuring spoons from God-knows-where but he was hungry so it didn't matter.

He growled low as he snatched the utensil, ripping the lid the rest of the way off and shoveling the ravioli with essence of tin in his mouth regardless of the heat.

"Slow down, dark and stormy gremlin, you're gonna choke!" He didn't even spare a glance at the scandalized face as the last of the sauce was scraped up and eaten in less than a minute.

"Was hungry." He mumbled out, hands disappearing back into the cloak as he burrowed further into its warmth.

The other eyed him fondly. "Honestly, Virgil I can't take you anywhere. I get a spot at the nicest pasta joint in town and this is how you behave? I really can't take you anywhere."

They frowned as they only recieved a soft huff in response. "Are you alright? I'm sorry I was gone for so long, that oil takes a while to work out in cold water."

Virgil shook his head. "....that."

Catching only half the mumble, Roman set their own empty can down and scooted closer. "Can I ask you to repeat that or is it a signing day?"

Virgil squeezed himself tighter in the fabric and lifted his head up towards the other. Roman's eyes shone with concern even in the dim light of their small campfire, the effect only slightly ruined by the dark curls drying in the humid air making them puff out in a fluffy halo around their head. The image made him smile lightly and duck his head back down to suppress his giggles.

"Hairs messy."

He only giggled harder at the offended gasp. "I'm offering you a damn heart to heart here and I get insulted!" Roman grimaced as they felt what state their hair was in, ruing their days as a traveler if only for the fact that hairstyles were rendered useless on an adventure. They were still bitter over The Great Hairspray Debacle of 2015, having to give the space up in their pack for "actual necessary supplies, Roman".

Virgils laughter died down as the nervous feeling began to creep back into his thoughts. Roman noticed the sobering mood and sat back slightly, willing to wait for the young nervous wreck to gather his thoughts.

"Town's coming up."

Roman nodded. They knew there was a town with an underground market a few days travel away from the last time they had come through this way. They hadn't had time to stop before, but this time around they needed to empty out their packs of the items that had been piling up for a few weeks now and their supplies were getting low enough that they would have needed to stop to stock up anyway. They gestured for Virgil to continue even though they knew what the source of anxiety was going to be.

"What if..." Virgil growled in frustration as the words stuck in his throat, the rolling anxiety in his stomach and mind making him struggle to not shut down. Long, pale fingers twisted and bunched the fabric around him until with a frustrated huff they darted out and flipped out a quick gesture.

"Recognized?"

Roman nodded in understanding and he sighed in relief. He knew not being able to speak most of the time had to be annoying for his companion but thankfully they never seemed to mind, only waiting patiently for either words to be forced out or hands to jerkedly spell out what little bit of sign language he knew. He made up a lot along the way and most of the time he was able to be understood. With no internet to look up the language, books being a Society priviledge and a general distrust of people making it difficult to ask anyone for lessons, even though they never stayed in one place for long, official sign wasn't something either of them were good at.

"That's why we have the cloaks and hoods and even the masks if we feel like we need them. We're pretty far away though, I doubt anyone we would know would be around." Roman took up a stick and poked around the fire a bit, stirring it as the embers began to die down for the night. "Nothing has ever happened at any of the towns we've been in, and I've heard this one is particularly...underground, so to speak. No one who would recognize us would be caught dead near there. We'll go in, sell our parts, grab supplies and get out. Next stop after that will be that abandoned city-town-place wherever that we heard about a while back. It'll be fine, Anx."

Virgil smiled at the old nickname, something Roman had taken to calling him when he refused to reveal his name the first few months they began traveling together. His shoulders relaxed the tiniest bit as the name ironically released some of the pent up anxiety, fingers releasing the cloak and instead splaying on his ripped black jeans to try and wipe off the accumulated sweat.

They both sat in silence for a while after that, watching the fire die down completely as the late evening faded into complete darkness, the clear sky allowing the stars to be on full display with no threat of light pollution to obscure their giddy twinkling. Crickets chirped quietly in the long grass, fireflies answering back their call with lazy winks of light. Even the river was hushed, water seeming to lap quieter at the shore for fear of breaking the rare tranquility the nearby travelers were soaking in.

With the world this soft and still, Virgil could pretend for a moment that this was merely an extended camping trip. Maybe they were on their summer break and were hiking for the fun of it. Tomorrow they could trek through a forest like it was nothing, sunlight streaming through normal tree branches as untouched wildlife teemed around them. All of their gear and supplies could be innocent in nature, the heaviest thing in their packs could be a small camping stove rather than their extensive collection of foreign trading parts. Their supplies were running low, so they'd soon start heading back the way they came, finding their car and laughing at some dumb play argument they had on the way back while they reloaded everything and climbed in the front, laughter turning to more bickering as they fought over what music they'd listen to first. Roman would drive first since Virgil only had his permit and wouldn't feel comfortable taking the wheel until he recognized the roads they were on. They'd get to Virgils house and it would be coming onto late evening so he'd let Roman stay the night, knowing his dad-

Virgil furiously scrubbed at his eyes, snapping back from his thoughts. His dad wouldn't care of a friend stayed over. He didn't care about anything. He didn't even care when - no. Nope, not tonight. Rubbing absentmindedly at his arms he scooted backwards away from the now dead fire and laid back to watch the sky, Roman following soon after. They didn't say anything as he turned and wrapped himself around the other tightly, for which he was grateful. He smiled as he felt lips touch the top of his head and careful arms lay themselves across his back. Surrounded by safety and warmth it wasn't hard for sleep to find him.

-------

".....an."

"Come on, Ro....."

"Princey, get up!"

Roman shot up, blinking rapidly to clear the lingering sleep from their eyes and shaking their head to try and whip the tangled curls away. Glaring in response to their brothers shit-eating grin, they settled for flipping him off while they rubbed at their eyes, getting a water bottle thrown at them in retaliation.

"Too early." They mumbled as they fumbled with the lid.

Virgil laughed. "Try again, Sleeping Ugly, it's almost noon. I've had camp packed up for hours now."

Offended at the nickname but grinning nonetheless, they downed half the bottle in one go and dragged their pack over lazily. Virgil was always the early riser in their party of two, despite the late nights he often kept as a sleeping schedule. Roman however, was happy to spend the day hitting the metaphorical snooze button unless they had actual plans. Which, unless another Mech Beast was spotted this close to a town, which was highly unlikely, this was supposed to be a day of resting.

Looking over at the other however, their irritation softened as the ball of anxious energy went from task to already done task trying to keep himself busy. Though it seemed he'd be more talkative today than he had been that didn't mean his nerves weren't soaring to the sky with how close they were to people again. They knew they should both take a break today, but if moving would help...

Mind made up they stood, swinging the pack around to rest on their shoulder and picking up another to carry first for the time being. Different peices of metal and containers holding strange substances clanked together inside, securely wrapped in paper and fabric to prevent them from breaking or getting scratched. They'd make Virgil carry it later on but they figured since they got extra sleep it would only be fair to carry the heavier pack first.

Trying one last time to fix their hair back into a reasonable shape Roman turned towards Virgil with a smile.

"Ready?"

Hoisting up his own pack he nodded and kicked at the already severely scuffed dirt, rising up on his tip toes as he began to walk.

"As I'll ever be."

--------

This is also available on AO3 if you're interested. I can't promise regular updates but I really like this story so I'll be picking at it for a while.

And we're another chapter in! I didnt think about this before, but if you'd like to be tagged for story updated feel free to ask. If you want to read it on here but can't find the first chapter, search overgrown metal in the tags and it'll come up.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ao3 #overgrown metal #roman sanders #virgil sanders #apocalypse au #anxiety

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hisunshiine · 3 years

Text

Money Heist | knj | Part 4

moodboard 1 | moodboard 2 | playlist | Netflix ReImagined BTS Masterlist

↳ #NetflixReImaginedBTS: Kim Namjoon x Reader starring in a bank robbery au

↳ M-18+, implied sexual content, major character deaths, bank robbery actions (violence, use of weapons, deciet)

The sound of the static coming from the radio woke me from my nap. Groggily, I shifted in the car seat and noticed that Ilsan was not in the driver’s seat. I began to change the frequency until I found a local Hawaiian station. We were the highlight. Everywhere. Our descriptions were plastered all over. We needed to leave Hawaii. It was that simple. We could not stay for too long.

The female radio host explained how every path out of the country was blocked. The authorities were adamant about locating and capturing the last two remaining thieves. It had been a little under a week since we left the condo and it felt like there was no way we would be able to get rid of them. It was as if they were closer than I could see. Every corner we passed, I was certain I would see a sea of armed police officers ready to shoot a bullet in my skull.

They were zeroing in on us.

As much as we denied it, Ilsan and I had silently been thinking of Gwangju and Seoul. It was either surrender or go out with a bang. What mattered more? Our lives intact and in prison to rot forever or our lives cut short. There was no right answer and it felt as if I had no control. However, all we knew was right now we were together and for now, we were alright.

Ilsan walked over to the car with a bag in hand. He sat on the driver’s seat and began to groan as he pulled out items that would help us alter our appearances, “They said you had dark hair,” he handed me a blonde wig.

“Namjoon. They have police everywhere.”

“I know.”

“We won’t be able to leave.”

“We can try. The airline strip not far from here.”

“So, we are sticking to the plan?”

“He should be there to operate it for us. Get us the hell out of Hawaii. It would be easier to show up at the airport.”

“The cops wouldn’t expect that,” I murmured and he chuckled. “I’m hungry.”

“Me too.” He looked at me with a smile on his lips until the radio hostess caught our attention. She announced that the mastermind known as the Professor had been spotted and arrested in Egypt. Ilsan squeezed my hand as a way to reassure me, “We’ll figure it out,” he said as he gently tucked my hair behind my ear, “We always do.” But despite his words, I could not help but feel utterly alone.

They had us. They took Gwacheon’s, Gwangju’s, and Daegu’s lives, captured Busan, GC, and Seoul. And now, they had the Professor. Case closed. They were only missing us. Although I could not see them, I felt the noose around my neck.

➰

We pulled to a gas station. I leaped out and Ilsan waited patiently until I returned. He kept guard. Luckily, the gas station was at a remote place. There was nothing but roads around. A single car was parked and we assumed it belonged to the owner.

Inside I paced as I collected snacks. We had been riding relentlessly with no pit stops, taking turns to drive while the other slept a little. We had one goal; get the hell out of Hawaii. The airstrip was a few miles ahead and that was our ticket to leave. The Professor knew where everyone was and hid in Egypt. Unfortunately, he had been caught. Nonetheless, he made sure back in Jindo that all of us would have an escape route if we ever were in the position to leave our condo as well as flee the countries we were hiding in, unrelated to each other and with zero communication.

I got to the register and did not make eye contact with the hefty and sweaty locals. With the items on the counter, he began to ring them in as the overbearing heat made my scalp itch. The cheap wig Ilsan had bought was bothering me and the urge of ripping it off my head overcame me. I must have looked uncomfortable or something because I sensed the man slowed his pace. I eyed him momentarily from the safety of my sunglasses and requested he hurried up. I did not appreciate how he glared at me. As he did, however, I noticed his cellphone on the counter. It was within my reach and I contemplated the best strategy to take it. We had not informed the pilot that we would be cashing in on our escape plan. That cellphone could be useful.

I bumped into a shelf filled with bags of candy with such a force that the bags fell onto the floor, creating a loud sound that made the man halt and rushes over to me. Pretending to collect some of them while repeatedly apologizing, I stood when he began to mimic me and collect the bags from the floor. I used the opportunity to lean over and take his phone. That was when I noticed the police sketch of Ilsan and me. My heart caught in my throat as a sudden sting of fear pressed harshly on my chest. No wonder the man kept glaring at me.

I rushed out of the station and walked back to Ilsan who was casually leaning against the hood of the car, “We have been spotted,” I said out of breath and simultaneously the hefty man came out and began to yell after me.

Ilsan jumped into the driver’s seat and we drove away as fast as we could.

➰

The sound of Ilsan groaning as he slowly woke up made me glance at him briefly before my eyes returned to the road. The window was open and the cold breeze cooled our bodies as we drove under the overbearing sun. Ilsan did not say much upon waking. He glanced at the phone I had stolen and dialed the number we were forced to memorize back in Jindo.

After a few attempts, Ilsan grunted in frustration. The pilot was not picking up, “Fuck,” he hissed.

“Try again.”

“I’ve tried three times.”

“Try again.”

Reluctantly, he obeyed, “Still nothing.”

“Well, he can’t just ignore us.”

“Maybe he’s not,” Ilsan said, “What’s the number?” I repeated the exact same number as he had dialed, “Yeah, it’s the same number. He’s fucking us!”

I flinched as soon as he threw the phone, sensing his growing frustration, “Namjoon.”

“Just drive.” I bit my tongue but I could not help placing my hand on his thigh. Despite his irritation, he took my hand and kissed the back of it, “I am sorry.”

“We should be there soon,” I said as I sped up, “We’ll figure it out, even if it means we have to hijack one and hold someone at gunpoint.” He began to chuckle as he caressed the back of my head.

“Get in the plane.” he mocked my voice and I grinned when suddenly a bump so fierce made the car bounce violently, “What the fuck?” Ilsan turned his head to see what I had hit, “Shit Y/N, that’s spike strips!”

“Namjoon.”

“We just hit spike strips! Why are there spike strips on the road?”

“Namjoon... ”

“What is it, baby, what is it?” I panted as I stared at the sea of cop cars and armed men and women pointing their guns at our car ahead. He matched my gaze and spotted them as well. “Baby, stop the car,” he murmured.

“I can’t.”

“Turn around.”

“I can’t, we fucked our tires!”

“Drive out of the road,” he instructed and I did.

The soil underneath made the car shake violently as the tires of the vehicle were disintegrating. I drove as fast as I could with tears running down my cheeks when the sudden sirens behind us went off. I glanced at the rearview mirror and wept at the sight of the police cars chasing us. Ilsan kept encouraging me to drive as he reached for the bag behind his seat, pulling out an RPD. With the window rolled down, he aimed the heavy machinery at the cars behind us, firing at them.

I could not think straight. I did not know how they got ahead of us, how they knew where we were. That was when I noticed the dash of the car. The cell phone I had stolen mockingly glared at me. I should not have taken it. My mind was racing as I attempted to keep the car as steady as possible for Ilsan. However, the ground underneath was too unstable. It was not meant to be driven on. By continuing, I knew there was no way we would openly surrender ourselves anymore especially with Ilsan shooting at them. Yet the images of Seoul giving himself up suddenly roamed my mind. He must have been as scared as I felt, Gwangju as well. But we gave up our right to surrender unlike Seoul and had chosen the same path as Gwangju.

When I could not see any more land, I hastily hit the breaks. Ilsan banged his head and cursed under his breath, “Namjoon, look.” I stared out at a beautiful ocean. No land in sight except a long way down.

I backed the car slightly and the sirens got louder and louder until they stopped. I shakily shifted as I glanced at the rearview mirror, spotting the police officers getting out of their cars, slowly and cautiously approaching ours.

They had us. There was no way out. We were stuck. They did not know our names but they yelled at us to step out of the car.

Every inch of me shook violently. I could not form any thoughts. The whole situation felt surreal to me. My brain could not comprehend what was going on. Then, as I whimpered, I felt Ilsan’s hand on the back of my head. He pulled me closer to him, foreheads pressed against each other as he repeatedly said he loved me. I wept into the long kiss he placed on my lips.

I had no idea what was going to happen but Ilsan murmured, “I shot at them to slow them down, baby, I am so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“You know you are the best thing that has happened to me, right? I love you.” He said in between the many kisses, “Do you trust me?” I nodded at his question as I clutched his jaw, kissing him as if it were the last time I would ever see him. “I failed to protect you. If we step out, they will shoot us.” I eyed him through a blurred vision, panting as my heart accelerated. “Trust me,” he tenderly kissed my forehead as he reached for my seatbelt, securing me in place, “Keep driving,” he then whispered as he clutched the RPD before letting go of me and stepping out of the car.

As soon as he did, I heard the officers shout at him to put the gun down. I begged him to return but he immediately dropped to the ground. Blood splashing everywhere as his tall and lean body took countless bullets to the chest. I cried out as I witnessed the love of my life, the man I chose to marry and spend the rest of my life with getting shot dead before my eyes.

My foot lingered at the pedal as my heart shattered into a million pieces. Then as my side of the car was forced open by one of the officers, he instructed fiercely with a gun pointed at me. I gazed out to the ocean briefly as Ilsan’s last attempt to keep his promise roamed my mind.

Keep driving . He wanted me to take my chances with the ocean instead of them. He did not want to fail me.

With pressure on my foot, I accelerated and drove the car off the cliff. Every inch of me was numb. I closed my eyes as the free fall made me feel light. Mind empty, heart aching, I gripped the steering wheel with tears running down my cheeks. I understood why Gwangju went out as he did and admired him for his bravery. I could be just as brave, surrender to a being unknown and embrace whatever that was beyond life.

Fear for the unknown was not the right word to use to express how I felt. Every waking moment, since the heist, was an uncertainty. Every passing day I had to look over my shoulder. Senses on high alert, heart-pounding fiercer, I had to stay sharp. And I did with the love of my life, Kim Namjoon, beside me. All we had to rely on were each other; our intuitions, rationality, the rush of adrenaline as it pumped through our veins as it guided us to safety. And I did not regret anything. How could I?

Although it was short-lived, I had experienced something only a few did. True love. I would never regret receiving that note. For the first time in my life, I belonged somewhere. I belonged with my brothers and more importantly, I belonged with Namjoon. I was meant to find him. Like a chain of events, everything I did was supposed to lead me to him, to this moment, and to this ending.

➰

T H E E N D

➰

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accidentally-logince · 5 years

Note

Soulmate au any thing you write on your skin shows on your soulmates skin With Emile, Deciet, and Remy pls

This one ended up not being super focused on the actual writing on the skin, but it’s still got a decent importance in the story.

Pairings: RED (Remy, Emile, Deceit)

Warnings: Insecurity, mentions of transphobia (I think that’s it but please tell me if there are more)

Word Count: 1.3k

Deceit’s name is Emery

—

Emile sought out a lot of validation as a kid, but he always found himself falling behind. In the first grade, one of the girls in his class had been praised for colouring a picture where there was no white spots left. The next day, Emile coloured in his assignment perfectly, staying in the lines, and with no white spots. He enthusiastically called the teacher over. “Look! Look Miss Zimmer, I don’t have any white spots,” he said proudly. The teacher had simply nodded and moved on to the next kid as Emile stared down sadly at his picture.

In the second grade, a boy in his class had brought in a story that he wrote, and he’d read it to the class. The teacher loved it, and let the boy pick a toy from the prize bin–usually reserved for anyone who got a high mark on an assignment. Emile, who loved to write, worked long and hard on a story and brought it in a week later. It wasn’t very long, just a few pages, but he was proud of it. And when he finished reading it to the class, he waited for the teacher to tell him to pick a toy from the bin, but instead he’d just been instructed to sit down, given a pat on the back. That night, Emile had thrown out the story.

Then came fifth grade, where Emile was running in a track race. He’d gotten first in his heat, but no one was cheering for him. His friends were all sitting on their blankets on the other side of the field. The kid in second place had gotten more praise, and Emile took his ribbon halfheartedly, sneaking past his friend’s blankets in order to hide away in the school bathrooms.

And on and on and on.

He never really understood why he’d started seeking out the praise in the first place. It may have had something to do with his parents both working full time to support their “perfect little girl.” Then he’d realized he was a boy, and now, maybe it was that. Maybe it was that that was all he would ever be to them. They had a daughter, not a son. Maybe that was why, when his Soulmates drew on their skin, he’d stopped following suit after the fourth grade. He watched as their artistic skills got better and better as he fell behind, now only writing compliments and praise next to the others’ drawings rather than making his own. And they never seemed to notice, just like everyone else. But Emile wasn’t really upset. He was used to being last place. Someone always had to be, right?

In high school, Remy and Emery–Emile’s other Soulmate–had met. After they’d graduated, with Emile just one year behind, they’d moved in together. There had been a slight pang of jealousy, with Emile having met neither of them yet, but he was able to push it to the side and pretend it didn’t bother him. Really, it was just another thing he’d be last at. And he would meet them eventually anyways.

Right?

—

One morning, when Emile was in line for coffee, admiring his Soulmate’s newest pattern on their arm–his Soulmate Remy had moved from drawings to abstract doodles in middle school–he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Where did you see that?“

Emile turns around, sleeve still rolled up to reveal the pattern on his skin. Behind him stood a man in sunglasses and a leather jacket, black hair ruffled. After a moment, Emile realized he hadn’t answered and sticks out his arm. "One of my Soulmates drew it,” he says. “He’s really good at these little patterns that he does.” Emile immediately regrets saying it.

He was always self-conscious about saying that his Soulmates were boys, because he knew that everyone would automatically assume that Emile was a girl because of it. Like he wasn’t allowed to say he was a boy if his Soulmate was too.

But the man didn’t seem to mind, instead his eyes widen. “Wait,” he says, grabbing Emile’s arm and holding it up to his face. At this point they’ve scooted out of the line, and Emile stumbles forward as his arm is pulled up. “I drew this. Just this morning!”

Emile stares in awe. “Remy?” he says quietly. The mans face breaks into a smile.

“That’s me,” he says, moving his hand from Emile’s arm to hold his hand. Emile grins. “And you must be Emile. Unless Emery decided to shapeshift all of a sudden,” he jokes. Emile can’t help but laugh.

“No, it’s me. I’m Emile.” He was so caught up in the fluttery feeling of meeting his Soulmate that he didn’t even have time to think about the fact that Remy hadn’t brought up the obvious fact that Emile was trans. Usually it was all Emile could think about, how strangers would see him and, because he wasn’t able to get a proper binder, they would immediately think he was a girl. No matter how short he cut his hair. But Remy didn’t mention it as they got back in line, and Remy bought Emile’s coffee for him.

They walk out of the shop together, Remy’s hand still in Emile’s. “Do you want to come over and meet Emery?” Remy said suddenly. “He’d love to meet you.”

Emile found himself at a loss for words for a moment. He was going to meet both of his Soulmates in one day! Maybe he’d even be able to move in with them, if they let him! He nodded enthusiastically. “I’d love to meet him too,” he says, letting Remy lead him to their house.

—

Remy pushed the front door open, cupping one hand over his mouth and calling out. “Emery! Someone’s here to meet you!” After a few moments of silence, he adds, “I swear I’m not trying to make you do the recycling again!”

Hesitant footsteps come from the stairs to the right, and Emile looks up expectantly, his heart starting to flutter again. His second Soulmate! In one day! Oh, what will he look like? Will he get along well with Emile?

A short man jumps down the final few stairs, his head turned toward the entrance. His head cocks to the side, eyes searching Remy before going to Emile, looking him up and down. One of his eyes is blank; White and hollow, looking as though it’s not taking in any information. Emile smiles bashfully from behind Remy.

“Emery,” Remy starts. “This is Emile. I ran into him when I went out.”

Emery’s eyes widen, a grin spreading across his face. “Emile?” Again, that fluttery feeling. Emile’s hand unlatches from Remy’s and he rushes up the two front stairs, almost throwing his arms around Emery before hesitating. Emery doesn’t seem to notice though, and still leans forward to hug Emile, who tucks himself into Emery’s neck.

“God, it’s so good to finally put a face to your name,” Emery says gently. “I thought I would go crazy, not knowing how handsome you are.”

Emile sputters, pulling away from the hug and blushing. Remy laughs, walking up to meet them. “I don’t know,” he says. “I might still go crazy, just look at him.” Emile is at a loss for words again. He’s not used to this much praise. He shyly tucks his arms together, smiling besottedly up at his Soulmates.

“Do you want a drink? I can get you something to drink?” Emery says, but Emile shakes his head.

“I just had a coffee before we got here,” he says. “I think… I think I just want to relax.”

They decided to just sit down and wait until dinner, with Remy suggesting they get take out so it’s less effort. In truth, neither of them wanted to leave Emile’s side to cook. After a bit of awkward conversation about what show to watch, they were huddled together, with Emile in the middle, feeling more loved than he ever had.

Maybe some of his issues could wait. For now, he wanted to enjoy their company.

—

I might do a second part to this, I left some things unattended to……

Send Me a Soulmate AU prompt!

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#Sanders sides #cartoon therapy #sanders shorts #thomas sanders #Remy/Emile/Deceit

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