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aro-is-gay-af · 3 years

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The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation.

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1.

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore. Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

***

After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

“Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.

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hotchley · 2 years

Text

the clock never stops (but maybe it ticks a little quieter)

I'm meant to be revising the german economy so let's keep this short. This exists in some weird time post 3x08, but it's all over the place. I basically couldn't get the thank you scene, or the Reyes family meal out of my head, and it spiralled into this.

All of Carlos' experiences with grief counselling are based on my own, apart from when he tells his family. That is so far from my reality that we won't even get into it.

This isn't to say everything will be fine. It's to say that we can come back from grief. It's to make everyone who's had to trust that they weren't being lied to feel seen. It's to try and bring someone reading the same comfort I got writing it.

Title inspired by There Are Leeches in Denton Lake- Everybody's Worried About Owen.

read on ao3!

Trigger Warnings: grief, death, family relations, implied depression/depressive episodes, self-destructive behaviours (discussed), emotional invalidation (done by self), negative self image, previous drug addiction (NA meeting mention, concern when leaving character alone)

Carlos wakes in the same way he does most things: a little, and then so suddenly it takes him a moment to realise he isn’t dreaming anymore.

There were days where that realisation filled him with sadness and sorrow. Now it doesn’t. Now waking up means TK is laying next to him, a soft smile on his face.

Carlos is glad. Nightmares are never fun, for either of them. He has his fair share, but TK is always more disoriented after them and it’s harder to bring him back to proper awareness.

They have their methods though, and those work well enough.

He doesn’t immediately get out of bed. Instead he takes in the lines on TK’s face put there by his smiles and his frowns. He watches the slowed rise and fall of his chest as he continues to sleep. He can’t help himself for pressing two fingers to his neck, ever so gently.

TK’s pulse is strong. His heart is beating steadily. He’s alive.

Even as Carlos shifts them both so his head is resting on TK’s chest in order to hear that steady bear, TK doesn’t stir. Carlos lets his mind wander since his shift isn’t for a few hours.

He starts thinking about how far both he and TK have come. He’s proud of TK, of the coping mechanisms he’s developed. Some, like the running until he can’t move another muscle, aren’t pretty or pleasant. Others, like the baking, are.

The point is they help him cope better than anything else ever has. Maybe that’s what matters most.

Carlos is proud of himself too. He’s allowed to be.

After his bereavement leave- Detective Washington said Gwyn had been his mother-in-law in everything but name- had finished, he’d returned to the station to find his shifts had been restructured.

Both to fit with TK’s (which was absolutely the result of Tommy, Judd and Mitchell) and to allow for grief counselling.

He’d said he didn’t need it. According to Detective Washington, it was more complicated to remove him from the list since Georgia already had some baseline information and was preparing to meet him.

So he had gone, deciding he would do the assessment and two sessions then ask to stop so he didn’t feel like he was wasting resources.

But something inside him had snapped during that assessment. Not in a bad way. In a good way. He’d been lying on most of the questions: no he’d never had a panic attack, yes he felt he had good emotional regulation, but one made him pause.

It made him wonder why he was lying. It made him wonder who he was hiding from, because Georgia clearly didn’t believe him. She was doing a very good job of hiding it, but he’d spent too much time with Paul to not notice the subtle tension in her shoulders.

He couldn’t even tell you what question it had been now.

But he’d been honest, and he’d asked if he could change the rest of his answers because he’d been lying. Georgia had simply smiled, and he had been more honest with her.

Although it was described as grief counselling, it became so much more than that. They spoke about why Gwyn’s death hurt so much and how Carlos could cope of course, but they spoke about everything else as well.

Why he was so quick to take the blame for everything. His fears around Gwyn’s ending causing other endings. The way he saw his own actions as never being enough to prove how much he loved people. How he felt he cried too easily and what did that mean?

They discussed his concerns about TK.

Georgia had told him the sobbing was part of the process. Thinking about other endings since there had been one was part of the process. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t nice but it was processing and it was coping.

Talking was coping too. That had made him smile. Because that meant he was coping as well.

She also told him that, at some point, he needed to trust TK. He needed to believe TK would tell him when things were bad and let him be, difficult as it may be. And maybe, he didn't need to make his own issues palatable. Maybe that was an unfair judgement because maybe TK could handle it all. And maybe it was okay if he couldn't handle it all, but shouldn't that have been his decision?

He told TK about that. They’d had a proper conversation in bed about how Carlos felt the need to hover because he was scared TK would leave. They talked about his need to manage everything so he knew it was safe and untouched.

And TK was honest with him about how sometimes, that much love felt the precursor to something terrible. That sometimes, love felt suffocating because it made him feel like he needed to be perfect. He talked about his need to control how good things were so he was always aware that they could never last.

It was nice. It had been good, and they had both felt safe. Carlos had taken a leap then too.

"Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm allowed to grieve Gwyn," he confessed.

"What do you mean, not allowed? Babe-" TK had said, eyes filling with tears.

"It's nothing to do with you TK. I just- she was your mom, and sometimes it seems like you're doing fine, and then I feel like, if you're okay, why do I want to start crying when I didn't know her for that long and only saw her on special occasions and at dinners? And I feel guilty because you're trying to deal with losing your mom, and I'm only dealing with-"

"Carlos. There is no only dealing with. You've lost a friend. And you've had to watch as my dad and I grieve, and you've had to stand by as there was nothing you could do but hold my hand and bring him food. That must have taken a toll on you. I'm sorry for not being more present, but you can always tell me how you're feeling. This is a relationship, and it has to go both ways," TK said, gentle and understanding in a way most people could only dream of.

Carlos nodded. "I'm working on it. I swear."

TK grinned at him. "I know you are."

That single sentence had been enough to convince him to use the rest of the sessions he had been given. And to start looking at therapists. Because it really was helping. And now he'd gotten the help once, it felt a little easier to try and do it once more.

He did tell TK the truth though.

It was on a day that was meant to be perfect. The sun was shining, the weather was warm, both he and TK had the day off. They were going to have a picnic, and a romantic stroll along the beach before they met up with some of Carlos' friends for a somewhat friendly game of bowling.

But Carlos had woken up feeling weighed down by something. He didn't know why, but he felt sad. He felt like any small thing going wrong would cause him to break down. And he hated himself for feeling like that. Because there was nothing about that date that was particularly significant to Gwyn's life. He just missed her.

TK had noticed immediately. He'd been hesitant to ask, scared that it would come off too pushy, but he'd swallowed his fear and just asked if Carlos was okay. And Carlos had almost said yes. But then he paused. Considered it.

"I just miss her. And I don't know why, because it's not like today had any special significance or is an anniversary or anything like that, so I don't know why I miss her so much, but I do, and I feel like it's going to ruin our plans."

"Oh baby. First, thank you for telling me. I know it's hard. Second, you're not going to ruin any plans. We'll see how the day goes, and if you need to cancel anything, we will. Third, this is grief Carlos. This is what it is. It's sudden and messy and it doesn't make sense. It's the clock that never stops ticking, but sometimes it ticks quietly and sometimes it ticks loudly. Today is a loud day for you, and that's okay. Is there anything in particular you need?"

"I just need you close to me," Carlos whispered.

TK nodded. "I'll bring breakfast and then we'll cuddle okay?"

They had cancelled their plans. But the next day, the grief was a little quieter. And when it got loud, Carlos found it easier to speak.

Him and Georgia spoke about his parents. About the influence they'd had on him- good and bad. About the conversations he felt like he could and couldn't have with them. Being palatable to what others wanted and found easy to cope with had come up again then.

Georgia had said he should test the waters. Mention something a bit more personal when they asked him how he was doing, and see how they responded. Because Carlos wanted to tell them what he was doing, because he wanted them to understand where this slow but steady improvement was coming from. He just didn't know how to do it. Not without making things weird.

And his intention had been to do that. Well and truly, he was going to take it slow. He was going to start with something a bit simpler to understand. Something will lower emotional stakes.

Unfortunately, he had never really been good at pacing himself. In almost everything that involved going big or going home, he went big. Sometimes it paid off. Other times it ended in disaster.

It had been one of the two times that his and TK's shifts didn't align with each other. Whilst TK was at work, Carlos had gone to see his parents alone. His phone stayed face up on the table, the ringer on, just in case something happened, but he had the sense things were going to be okay. TK had been back at work a few weeks at this point. Carlos had done four of his eight sessions.

"So, how are you and TK? It was so nice to hear the two of you laughing last week. I was worried we would never hear that sound again. From either of you," his mother said, coming over with a dish.

“I’m in grief counselling,” he blurted out. It hadn't been intentional. He'd been thinking about the words, but that had always been his fatal flaw: not thinking before he spoke. He could switch it off at work (it was how he still had a job) but in his home life, that ability apparently went out the window.

It had been the first time he’d said the words aloud. Him and TK referred to it as his sessions. He didn’t really know why. It, rather ironically, made it feel less clinical.

His mother put the serving dish down. “It’s helping, yes?”

He nodded.

“That’s all I needed to know.”

Carlos swallowed and finally met his fathers gaze. He’s surprised to see Gabriel Reyes’ eyes filled with unshed tears.

Before he could take the words back, or justify himself, or do something, his father hugged him with all the strength he had.

“Carlitos. My brave little boy,” he whispered.

Carlos hasn’t heard that since he was seventeen. He’s unashamed of the tears that run down his own cheeks.

“You’re not disappointed?”

“I could never be. Not in you. Not now I finally understand what a good man you are.”

“Papa,” Carlos sobbed.

“Carlitos,” was the only word Gabriel could form. It said everything he did not have the words for.

Andrea clasped her hands to her chest. "My beautiful, beautiful boys. How I love you both."

That had made Gabriel cry.

But it was the best meal Carlos had ever had with his parents.

Georgia had been incredibly happy that things had gone down so well. And three weeks after he told her about that meal, they wrapped up their final appointment with one final questionnaire. He'd thanked her for everything she had done to help him, and she had just shrugged and said a lot of it had come from him.

TK's grief counselling from the department had finished shortly after Carlos', but Carlos knew he was still discussing it with his therapist and at his NA meetings. He even did it at home. Carlos was glad, that TK felt comfortable enough to bring little pieces of Gwyn into their safe place.

He'd put a framed photo of TK and Gwyn with Jonah on the shelf. TK had flung himself into his arms when he'd realised, whispering thank you and declarations of love again and again as his brain finally understood that his mom was never going to leave him. Not really. Not whilst there were people to remember and honour her.

That particular memory brings a smile to his face.

It's at that moment that TK wakes up.

"Hi baby," Carlos whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"M'okay. When's your shift?"

"Not for a few hours," Carlos says. He pauses, waiting for TK to say what kind of day it is. He may not be able to stay the whole time- and he's going to accept that TK is being honest with him- but maybe if TK is having a grey day he can phone Judd and ask him to bring Charlie.

"That's good," TK says, burying himself under the duvet. His shift must have exhausted him.

"Will you be ready for breakfast if I start it now?" He asks.

TK makes a noise that could mean anything. Carlos snorts, then leaves the bed, because even if TK isn't ready for breakfast, he is.

"Carlos?" TK calls out, his voice still rough from sleep.

Carlos pauses in the doorway. His breath catches slightly whenever TK says his name like that, even now. "Yeah tiger?"

"Thank you."

He forgets how to breathe for a moment. "What?"

"Thank you. For saving my life by giving me a reason to stay. For everything you've done since Mom passed away. For letting me into your heart and telling me how you actually feel, even when it's hard. For trusting me always. That was so incredibly brave of you, and I never said thank you, so I'm saying it now. Thank you, Carlos Gabriel Reyes."

Carlos forgets about breakfast. He starts crying.

"Breathe for me love. Just match my breathing. The crying isn't bad, but you need to breathe," TK reminds him.

The tears keep coming, so TK runs from the bed and wraps his arms around Carlos. He knows there's nothing wrong with the tears. Knows they're coming from a place of gratitude and love and happiness, so he just embraces the man he loves more than he ever thought he was capable of.

"TK, thank you," Carlos says, once he's able to form words. "I've always worried that I messed up. And now I know I didn't. I was good."

"You were incredible," TK says, pressing a kiss to the top of Carlos' hair.

Carlos nods into his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The next day marks eight months since Gwyn's death. Carlos is apprehensive when he wakes up. For him, the clock of grief is ticking just a little louder than normal, but he thinks it may be more so for TK. He's right, but that's okay. They get through the day by making cookies and looking at photos. TK sobs, and Carlos is there with tissues and a chamomile tea when the headache inevitably hits.

"Carlos?" TK whispers as they're going to bed.

"M awake," he replies, but almost asleep.

"I don't think I want to change any of what's happened for the world," TK says.

The ticking of the clock fades into a quiet but comforting constant as they both fall asleep with smiles on their faces.

#tw grief #tw death #cw family relations #tw previous addiction #tw negative self image #tw implied depression #tw self destructive behavior #sumayyah writes 911 lone star #911 lone star #911 lone star spoilers #tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes

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rogerslovesstark · 3 years

Note

Hi there! A huge fan 💜💙 I was wondering if your requests are open?

If yes, could you please write an angsty fic where in reader is dating Bucky and for some reason he belittles her and breaks off their relationship. After which eventually everyone on the team stops talking to her. She's forced to leave off on her own and struggles a lot. Later Bucky realises his mistake and tries to contact her but the old her is gone. Like she finds her own happiness. Sorry if it's too detailed☹️

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

WARNING: Angst

Your recruitment to the team was quick and very low-key. Almost no one knew that you had joined the Avengers because you requested Tony not to hold a press conference. You loved being an Avenger, the idea of helping people in need was so fulfilling.

However, the spotlight of being an Avenger was not pleasant. You did not know how Tony and Steve were able to handle it, the constant feeling of eyes on you, paparazzi almost always being on top of everything you do.

The few events you did go to, you stood with Bucky most of the time. He always kept you safe and comfortable while the party was booming. The two of you would walk around the venues Tony would rent out, looking at the architecture of the building, admiring the art that was around.

The conversation was kept minimal because there was already so much noise from the party. Both silently agreed that there was no need for extra noise.

It was the New Years Party two years ago where Bucky asked you if you wanted to slow dance. The Venue had multiple balconies and he chose the smallest one for the two of you to dance.

The two of you swayed to the soft music that could be heard from the party. Once the clock hit 12:00, Bucky leaned over and kissed you. You two began dating shortly after.

Every Sunday was a day for a date unless either of you had a mission. Every other week you planned a date for you and Bucky, walks in the park, restaurants, bars, everything you could think of.

You developed a dependency on Bucky. Always seeking his reassurance, seeking his comfort and touch. You felt as though you were not complete unless you were with Bucky.

Your childhood was to blame, primarily your father. Physically, your dad was there but not emotionally. You never received emotional love from your father, the ‘I’m so proud of you’ or ‘you’re doing amazing’ Just a stiff nod.

Being raised by your psychotic father was the reason you developed into the cold-hearted killer you were. From 16-19, you worked as a mercenary and killed for money.

You craved emotional validation from someone because you were so deprived of it when you were a child. You struggled to form relationships with others because of it too. That was one of the main reasons why you were not as close to the team.

Bucky would always smile at you, or kiss you when you were excited about something you would accomplish. On missions, he would always stay near you unless instructed otherwise by Steve.

Bucky has been extremely off recently, always working with Steve, or working out with Sam, helping Wanda train her new abilities because it’s hard to kill a super-soldier than a normal human.

He had missed five Sunday dates. Five of them. In those five weeks, you barely saw him and it was driving you crazy. You constantly would search for the time where the two of you could just be alone. You were so deprived of physical touch and emotional love, you began to fall into a depressive state.

You walked towards the conference room, you asked Friday where Bucky was. She said he was in the conference room alone which is weird that she specified.

You opened the door and found Bucky just sitting on his phone. It was almost 10:30pm and he was just chilling in the conference room on his phone.

“Baby, I’ve been looking for you,” You said, walking over to him and running your hands along his broad and muscular shoulders. He was always so tense when he was sitting hunched over.

He shrugged you off his shoulders and turned to look at you. Not a soft, loving kind of look that a lover would typically give his lover; he gave a harsh glare as if you had done something to him.

“God, you are so fucking annoying, you know that,” Bucky said. He grabbed that hand that was touching you and stood up from his chair. He let go of your hand rather quickly as soon as he stood from the chair.

“I can’t fucking stand being around you Y/n, I don’t know why I ever asked you to be my fucking girlfriend,” He said, lowering his face closer to your face so the two of you were at eye level.

Tears pooled in your eyes, every word he said was like a thin blade stabbing you in the stomach over and over again. You did not know what you did wrong, you had not even seen him in almost a week despite living with him.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I’ll be better, what can I do to be better, please,” You whispered, if your voice were any higher, you would being sobbing.

Bucky just watched as you pathetically tried to hold your sobs in. You really were a weak woman and Bucky knew that. He knew that he held you in the palm of his hand and if he wanted to, he could break you.

He watched as your world crumbled around you because Bucky had decided to hurt you. Your hands were shaking and curled into fists. Your nose was turning red from holding back your tears.

“You are nothing without me, and I don’t want you anymore, so get the fuck out of my face and leave. No one on the team likes you, they would rather see you dead than ever have to see your horrific face ever again.” Bucky snarled, ready to see you burst into tears.

He knew that was the last straw.

You quickly turned around and left before you burst into tears. Bucky grabbed your arm and tried to turn you around, wanting to see you cry. You were forced to turn around, tears in your eyes pulling your hand back and smacking Bucky on his cheek.

You left him dazed in the conference room. You ran to your shared room, collecting all your belongings. You had a small apartment in the heart of Montreal that no one knew about. You deliberately left off your information given to FRIDAY.

“FRIDAY, get rid of all information regarding Y/N L/N” You requested.

“Request denied, reasoning: unauthorized access to function,”

“Override denial, code Tony Stark has a fat ass” You rolled your eyes at the code Tony had told you to be used as a last resort code.

“Permission granted, removing all information regrading Y/N L/N,”

You grabbed a piece of paper on your desk, writing a short goodbye to Tony knowing he would wonder where you went. You quietly walk over to Tony’s office and placed it on the monitor he mainly used.

You left the compound shortly after, walking seven miles to the small car you planted in the forest. You prepared this as a last resort option. You never wanted to use this car but times were desperate and you had to get away from Bucky.

++++

You were struggling, barely able to figure out how to live on your own. The money you had saved from working for the Avengers was running low and the waitress job you did have has barely enough to pay the bills you had.

Montreal was really expensive you ended up realizing, with such a horrible job, you sold your apartment and moved in with some college students in a small house. You shared a bedroom with one of the women in the house.

Ashley, your roommate, actually found the job for you, she helped you changed your appearance and spotted your money whenever you were desperate for it.

You had no skill set for an actual job, the only skills you had were killing. And your skills had developed rapidly as an Avenger. You knew what you had to do to survive.

The first kill that you had was a child trafficker in Toronto. Ashley covered for you, saying you two would go to a spa for a girl's weekend. She stayed at the spa while you finished the job. You gave her 20% of the income made.

You two had gotten close over the two years that you spent in the shared house. She was one of the only people that you trusted at this point. She suggested that you started therapy, which you decided to actually go to.

Your therapist wanted you to start realizing that you were more than who you surrounded yourself in. You deserved the love that you craved and you could only get it when you truly loved yourself.

++++

Bucky was laying in the bed the two of you shared. Two years had passed since he had driven you out of his life. He didn’t know why he did it, he was so upset because he saw you flirting with Tony. But Tony got engaged to Pepper only a few days later.

After nine months of you being away, he started to crave your presence in his life. He asked FRIDAY where you were but she had no information on you. When FRIDAY said she had no information on you, he had one of the biggest meltdowns he ever experienced.

You were officially gone from his life. Even with all the winter soldier experience of tracking people down, he couldn’t find you. Bucky knew that you were smart, you could hide in plain sight if you wanted to.

It was in Toronto that he saw you again. Bucky’s whole world stopped after he saw you. You were so different now. Your hair was completely different from what he was used to, and you dressed differently too.

It took him two months to finally get you to speak to him.

“What do you want Bucky?” The way you used to speak to him was so soft, now you were so cold towards him. Bucky’s stomach churned, almost nervous to respond to you.

“Y/n, please come back, I’m sorry for everything I have done to you, everything I said was a lie. I still love you” Bucky pleaded to you.

“Bucky I’m not the same woman I used to be, you broke me, I was so broken and I was the only one who fixed me. You don’t get to come back after I learned how to not live with you.” You shouted at him.

Tears pooled in Bucky’s eye, he had lost the one person who had shown him, true love. The one person he wanted to protect for the rest of his life. He lost you, forever.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky x Female Reader #Winter Soldier #WINTER SOLDIER ANGST #james barnes #james barnes x reader #james barnes angst

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letters-from-x · 2 years

Note

Your last response to that anon really struck a cord with me. It seemed so surprising that you’ve come out to other people in ur life as ace, bc I could never imagine doing so. If I’m being honest with myself, being ace has been part of what makes me feel dysphoric, like not a real girl. I never could relate to women my age, and I still never can. I’ll always be an outsider. Even my closest relationships, I’ve sometimes had to lie and feign attraction to men just so they’d think I was normal.

To be honest I've never hidden it well. At two years old I declared to my mother that I would never get married or have kids. She asked me at various points in my childhood if I'd changed my mind and I never had. There were no crushes. As a kid I used to make retching noises and leave the room every time characters kissed in movies or tv shows. I still can't sit through a sex scene.

I don't like physical contact and I don't hide that well either. I tell people I'm not comfortable with it if it looks like it will become an issue. Sometimes I see them hold back questions about how that works with relationships, but I don't think it takes them long to work out that I don't have exceptions.

I used to lie and pretend to have crushes so that my friends wouldn't get offended that I didn't trust them enough to share with them, but I didn't realise how ineffective it was till I stopped doing it.

Now I don't announce it to people (usually), but I don't make excuses anymore and I let people interpret things as they wish. If they ask me directly I explain it to them. Rumours spread fast and this approach leads to people I don't know well asking me questions about it or sharing their own experiences.

I used to feel like I was failing at being a girl before I realised that the problem was my idea of what 'being a girl' means. Finding radical feminism and the whole concept of women only having biology in common really helped me there.

It was hard for me to find women I had much in common with, but now that I have I've finally stopped feeling like an outsider. Don't lose hope, anon! There are relatable weird women you don't need to fake 'normal' around out there for you too. And you'd be surprised at how accepting even the most 'normal' ones can be.

In the meantime, if it gets depressing, come hang out with me and the other aces on here. (I am happy to note from your ask that there is, in fact, more than one anon. I had my hopes but I wasn't convinced.) I'm getting the impression we're all starved for contact with other aces. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and I'm sorry if this response is kind of disjointed.

#ask #anon #asexual #asexuality

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tartagilicious · 4 years

Text

[CN] Lucien’s Sunset Date (eng)

this date is amazing ugly sobbing but if this doesn’t post I’m rioting. also, this makes me wanna dance under the stars with lucien while listening to feel good by fromis_9 is that too much to ask, universe?

MC: the sweet and sour short ribs, black pepper beef tenderloin, boiled cabbage heart... the meal is almost done!

I checked the recipes on my mobile phone while checking on the dishes in the bento box. Recently, Lucien’s research institute is working on a new project. He stayed in the institute for several days and did not come home.

I studied a few new dishes in my free time, but I never had the opportunity to try them with him. So, I took advantage of the rest of the day to cook and made a bento. Of course, I was also planning to see him out of my own selfishness.

When I happily took a few quick photos of the bento, I marked “Professor Xu’s love bento” on the photos with cute fonts. When I was about to go out, I received a text message and opened it to see that Lucien sent a strange address.

MC: ?

Is this a mistake? I dialed Lucien’s phone doubtfully.

Lucien: Did you receive the address?

MC: Um, where is this?

Lucien: This is where I am now. I guessed that you would come to me for lunch.

MC: ???

MC: How did you know?

Lucien: Because… black pepper beef tenderloin, sweet and sour short ribs, and boiled cabbage heart.

MC: ...Lucien! Are you studying mind reading for your new project at the institute?

His shallow laughter came from the earpiece.

Lucien: The project sounds very interesting, but you seem to forget that my research field is brain science. If you want to know the answer, you can open the photo album now.

I hung up the call, opened my phone’s photo album, and a buffering icon appeared in the middle of the screen. After a few seconds, my photo album automatically updated a piece. I have never seen the picture before.

The photo shows an exclusive courtyard with a wooden log door frame and red brick wall, and a row of old-fashioned labour utensils are displayed at the foot of the wall. In the middle of the yard is a 28-brand bicycle, its style reminiscent of the 1970s.

And under the light of the noon sun, reflected on the wall is the shadow of a person. I recognise it almost at a glance as Lucien.

“Ding” my phone has received a text message.

Lucien: Do you know the answer now?

After Lucien’s reminder, I finally realised. Last week, there was a problem with my phone and I needed to use another cloud account for verification. So, I used Lucien’s account temporarily, but I must have forgotten to log out. In other words, during this period, our mobile phones were using the same cloud account, so the photo album was also in a shared state.

MC: Yeah…

On my way to the private courtyard with the bento box, I blame my own carelessness in my heart, while repeatedly confirming the appearance of the “inventory” inside the box. Lucien must have seen the recipe that I saved in the photo album, not even the photos taken of the box just now have been spared.

I sighed and knocked on my head a little, then I suddenly realised again. If our mobile phones have been synced for more than a week, that means that all the photos I took during that time…

I quickly send a text message to Lucien.

MC: Lucien, have you seen anything else in the album? What photos?

Lucien: For example?

MC: For example, something that impresses you…

Lucien: Are you saying that this subject is my photo?

My fingers flicked subconsciously as Lucien’s reply appeared on the screen.

Lucien: I forgot to say that next time, you can shoot with more integrity, that way I can cooperate with you on more poses.

He really!!

He often took pictures of himself reading books or doing experiments, but he didn’t take any others! This cunning man!

(translator’s note: the original translation refers to him as “a lion man”, basically saying that he’s sly and superior.)

When I arrived at the lane where the courtyard was located, I saw Lucien from a distance standing and waiting for me. I hurriedly raised my hand to him.

MC: Lucien, is your research tricky? Have you set aside the time to eat?

Lucien took the bento in my hand and looked at me with happy but tired eyes.

Lucien: It’s not too tricky. As for having good meals… if the standard is this bento, then i really can’t call any of them good meals.

He took my hand and leads me through the door. When I stand in the courtyard, the sense of precipitation of the years becomes stronger.

MC: How can you be in this place? Is it related to research?

Lucien: Well, this research project will conduct clinical trials here.

MC: This is actually a new research base?

Lucien: To be precise, it’s a temporary research base.

MC: What about the other people of the research institute?

Lucien: The study will officially start tomorrow, and today we gave them the day off.

MC: It turned out to be so, but how could the research base be chosen in a yard with such a sense of age?

Lucien didn’t answer. He took me to sit down at the square table in the courtyard.

Lucien: Based on the understanding of ___, I answered your question, but after that, your curiosity will only grow more questions. So, before this, let’s eat first. I’ll give you a good tour after we eat.

After supervising Lucien eating the lunch, he took me by the hand and walked into the second part of the courtyard. The style of the building is consistent with the courtyard, even more so seeing the rest of the architecture.

The dark grey rough floor exudes a faint smell of cement, and the green leather wall is painted with the four red characters “hard work”. The three classic furniture pieces restore the old texture and the rest of the daily necessities present also exude a strong sense of age.

Lucien: How do you feel?

MC: Although I obviously haven’t experienced this era, it seems as if i’ve really returned to the past.

Lucien: The research team here has spent a lot of time restoring it to seem like the 70s.

MC: I’m even more curious now that you mention it. What kind of research is it that you need to have a venue like this?

Lucien: It’s a study on the healthy brain of the elderly. For people with Alzheimer’s disease, or elderly with hidden risks of clinical depression.

MC: I’ve heard that there’s no effective treatment or medicine for these conditions, is that true?

Lucien: Well, Alzheimer’s disease can be said to be a serious challenge facing modern brain science research. Even this research can only focus on early intervention before illness, while observing the quantity and quality of brain cells.

MC: So, why do you want to restore this place to the 70s specifically?

Lucien: The brain of elderly people is often in a state of stagnation, so the brain will easily degenerate. The most memorable experiences of the elderly staying here are concentrated in the seventies, which is the most meaningful time of their lives.

Lucien: Putting them in a familiar environment to stimulate the brain is the basis of this research project.

MC: use memories to wake up the brain and prevent them from succumbing to sickness… that’s it. It would be nice if more people could know this method.

I looked around, and suddenly had a flash of inspiration.

MC: Lucien! Can I use my camera to record this research? This might attract more investors.

Lucien didn’t speak, he looked at me a little bit more and then smiled. Realising my offer was a bit abrupt, I quickly tried to change the topic.

MC: Though, it doesn’t matter if I can’t shoot. After all, this involves the confidentiality of research. But, if our memories can be recorded, this way, when we’re old, we’ll have more memories to look back on in these cases.

He remained silent, but the smile on his face was deeper.

MC: What happened? Did I say something wrong?

Lucien: No, if you want to shoot, I can ask the patient’s families for their opinions. But, I think they will agree, because what you want to do is also a very meaningful thing.

MC: I thought you would think that my idea was too bad to consider…

Lucien: I’m just happy. It turns out that you’ve already planned so far for our future.

After going through the entire building, Lucien took me to the backyard again. In the centre of the yard was a dense wisteria tree. There was a breeze in this early autumn afternoon, and the sun above also swept away most of the hot temperature.

The backyard shrouded by the wisteria flowers was concealed by a shady and drooping branch, swaying leisurely in the air but looking very comfortable. Obviously, it’s my first time coming here, but I feel a familiar sense of deja vu.

Lucien: What do you think?

MC: It feels weird to say it, but just for a moment, I felt that this scene was familiar.

Lucien followed my line of sight and looked at the branch of wisteria.

Lucien: On a scientific level, you must have visual experience. But I have a more romantic explanation. It may be that our souls snuck out in a dream, and then we met in a yard in the seventies.

He turned to look at me, his dark eyes deep like an exquisite pool of water.

Lucien: Maybe they were there and had a stable and slow life.

His voice is calm and determined, and his words fell to the bottom of my heart.

MC: Lu-Lucien, you’re seriously bluffing to me again…

Lucien didn’t seem to care about my disbelief, the pool in his eyes was still flowing with waves.

Lucien: If you don’t believe it, do you want to try it?

MC: What is there to try?

Lucien: Having a slow dream in the courtyard of the seventies.

MC: Like our souls, spend a lifetime in a dream?

Sure enough, I subconsciously believed Lucien’s words, but the initiator only smiled and nodded.

Lucien: “Life” is a subjective word, and how long a life is, is up to you to feel and decide. So as long as you want, we can spend our “life” here.

Maybe I was moved by Lucien’s romantic theory, or because I haven’t seen him for a long time, but either way, I eagerly agreed to his proposal.

MC: Since we’re going to live a slow life in the seventies today, let’s be more involved!

I took out headphones and my mobile phone and placed them on the stone table in the yard.

MC: I’m asking professor Xu to please confiscate these modern contrabands.

Lucien nodded knowingly, and took out his phone as I did.

Lucien: It seems we have to find something to seal them in the “future”.

As he said this, he found a wooden box and put all of our electronic products inside of it.

Lucien: Welcome to the seventies, silly girl.

The weak autumn sunlight in the room shone crookedly through the window like a painting waiting for us. Though, we don’t have the mind to appreciate it, only focusing on living in the slowed down time.

Lucien seems to have come prepared, and the activities proposed were endless. He taught me how to light a kerosene lamp and took me to try an old fashioned sewing machine. We played with fans leisurely together, and listened to the squeaky Suzhou Pingtan on the radio.

(translator’s note: suzhou pingtan is a traditional musical art in china)

Time seems to have really slowed down for us while we do a lot of things, but the sun outside is still mild and bright. After listening to a pingtan, I eagerly looked at Lucien

MC: Lucien, what should we do next?

Lucien: What do you want to do?

MC: May I decide?

Lucien: Well, I also want to know what you think of this slow life.

MC: Well… I can’t think of my answer at the moment.

Lucien: It’s okay, just let the flow happen. Rather than using your brain to think about what you want, it’s better to leave the feelings to your heart. This deliberate content doesn’t necessarily conform to the meaning of a slow life. What you feel currently is the most important.

MC: Then… can we sit in the sun longer? Is that too plain?

Lucien: I think it’s a good idea.

After getting Lucien’s affirmative answer, I also dreamed of sitting in the sun with him. Only soon, my beautiful fantasy was disillusioned, because we searched the entire yard and found that there was only one recliner.

Lucien and I stood under the wisteria frame in the backyard, looking at the narrow chair in front of us.

MC: Hey… how about you sit down first? We can take turns.

The moment I blurted it out, I felt like I said something silly again. I blushed and was about to fight for myself further, but he reached out and pulled me into his arms. Before I knew what he was going to do, Lucien grabbed the back of my waist and gently closed the distance, our warm breaths instantly intertwined

Before I could speak under his deep eyes, my centre of gravity suddenly fell and I was in a soft embrace. My eyes moved slightly down, and I found that we were sitting on the recliner at the same time. My legs had encircled his body without me knowing when.

The motion startled the recliner, and it shook slightly. I couldn’t find my balance for a while, and I subconsciously hooked onto Lucien’s neck.

MC: Lu-Lucien?

I struggled to stand up, but Lucien released the hands that were fixed on my waist, and I was forced to tighten my arms around his neck. There was a warm breath stagnated in the air between us. The suffocating sensation reminds me of the air above an asphalt road in the summer.

Lucien: It’s boring to be alone in the sun, I think two people would be better.

MC: There’s nothing boring about being in the sun…

Fearing that I would make him uncomfortable, I lightly held on to prevent myself from slumping into him.

Lucien: You can relax, this chair is enough to hold the weight of both of us.

MC: I-I’m very relaxed.

Lucien: Are you….

I heard his low and dull voice noise in my ears, and I hung my head even more as my face flushed. He stretched out a hand, pressed the knuckle of his right hand against my chin and gently lifted it up.

In the next second, a gentle and light kiss fell on my lips.

I instinctively closed my eyes and could only hear the beating of my heart in my head. Although it was only a soft kiss like a dragonfly’s, time seemed to slow down. When we finally separated again, it was really as if we had spent a lifetime in that moment.

Lucien: I can be sure that you are really relaxed now.

When I blushed and didn’t know how to react, Lucien’s cell phone began ringing in the wooden box. As if I had caught a life-saving straw, I stood up and started to go into the other room, his laughter coming from behind.

MC: Answer your phone, I’ll be in the bathroom!

Lucien: I know, I’ll finish up soon.

When I came out of the bathroom, Lucien’s call was just ending. He saw me coming and waved his phone apologetically.

Lucien: Sorry, ___. There’s a problem with the preparations of the study at the institute, and I need to return to discuss it with the research team.

MC: It’s ok! I’m very satisfied with your company for the whole afternoon.

After returning everything in the yard to its original position, I reluctantly took Lucien’s arm and prepared to leave with him. After spending almost the whole day with Lucien in the private courtyard, I feel a bit reluctant to give him up here. Perhaps seeing through my mood, Lucien stopped walking.

Lucien: Maybe we can slow down our departure?

Following his gaze, my eyes fell on the bicycle in the middle of the yard, the same one from his earlier picture to me.

MC: You mean, we can ride that?

Lucien: It doesn’t matter, I can find someone to send it back tomorrow.

Lucien stepped forward and patted the horizontal bar in front of the bike.

Lucien: It’s just that this time I still feel wrong, so ___ can sit here.

I couldn’t help but think of our experience of cycling in Canada. At that time, I was anxious to ride the bike, my hands and feet shaky.

(translator’s note: this is a reference to Lucien’s Autumn Date, available in EN)

Lucien: Want to revisit it?

Lucien supported the handlebars and body, his slender and powerful arms firmly supported the bicycle. I nodded and looked at his hand that was supporting the seat.

MC: I won’t be as anxious today as I was that time.

After confirming that I was sitting firmly, Lucien stepped on the pedals. He lifted his hand and wrapped me in his arms, a reassuring temperature stemming from my back.

MC: Because, I hope this road can be longer.

A white crescent moon took over the setting early, and the pink-ish purple sunset was like peach-flavoured candy. In the middle of the modern city, Lucien and I looked extremely out of place with our old-fashioned bicycle, and the angle of the sun stretched our shadows very long.

Our two shadows, they slowly inched towards the next day.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mr love queen’s choice #mlqc lucien #mr love queen’s choice lucien #spoilers #next is most likely kiro’s!

132 notes · View notes

needdatbag · 3 years

Text

Drinking You

notes: Hi! This is my first fanfiction ever. I just wanna see if anyone might like it? Haha...Anyway, if you do, please leave a like or a comment. Hope you enjoy! Oh and this is only the first part.

Summary: You encounter a stranger on your way back from the grocery shop and everything about him pulls you in.

Pairings: Eren Yeager x Reader; Various pairings eventually

Warnings: NSFW; mentions of smoking.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Part 1-Stranger Danger

You were not ok. Today was a hellish Monday like you rarely encountered. Of course Monday sucked in general but it’s a different kind of pain when you work in a department full of detectives. Everyone is stressed day after day and they don’t have any notion about free time, for them it is equivalent with supplementary work. It’s been 4 months since you started working as the main profiler of the team and you feel as if you need to step up your game. Everyone likes you but the fact that you’re new in the field is noticeable. You do your best all the time but experience is key after all. So here you are, after working hours, walking out of the closest store while holding a beer and a pack of cigarettes in one hand while the other is busy holding the phone to your ear.

’’I will take a look as soon as I get back to my desk, I was planning on checking the brief details we have about this case anyway. I took the file before I left and I will be making an idea about the whole deal tonight. We will receive the rest tomorrow, right? I mean I can get something but without all the information it might just be wrong or incomplete.’’

Your boss sighed and agreed with you.

’’I know. There is a reason behind this lack of information but I am afraid you’ll have to find out tomorrow. I will explain everything to you as soon as we have the OK from the fucking higher-ups. Do what you can tonight, L/N.’’

He was tired but you almost swore you felt a tinge of sadness in his tone. Your gut told you something was just starting. You gulped.

’’Don’t worry sir. You’ll have the draft for the initial report on your desk as soon as I get to work.’’

You said goodbye and hung up while tossing the phone in the pocket of the pyjama pants you wore. You came home half an hour ago, ate a quick dinner and realised you forgot to buy the two things you needed for survival on days such as this Monday: a beer and cigarettes. Unhealthy coping but you got over that thought in college. Regrets were a pain in the ass and you wanted none so you did what you wanted.

As you were walking towards your apartment building you couldn’t help but think about this case. Your team was way on the edge when they received word about it. They were silent about it and that scared you. Because, even if you only knew them for 4 months, you knew all of them were loud, outspoken and chaotic. Your head always throbbed at the end of the day. But you almost missed that today because instead of debates and childish arguments, this day was extremely tense and everyone seemed to be at each others throats out of silly things. As if they disagreed on something you had no idea about. It felt as if a powerful untouchable presence was messing with them and it saddened you but it also stirred your curiosity. Who or what was doing that?

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn’t notice the person walking right in front of you and you bumped into them dropping your cigarettes in the process and almost dropping your beer but you managed to catch it before it hit the ground.

’’I’m really sorry. I wasn’t paying attention…’’ you said as you immediately bent down to pick up your cigarettes but the stranger beat you to it.

’’It’s fine.’’ he answered in a low pleasant voice and started walking away.

WITH YOUR CIGARETTES.

It took a second for you to register what happened and move. He walked away so casually that it pissed you off.

’’Heyo.’’ you said while grabbing his shoulder and making him turn to you. He was tall, well built with medium length long brown hair and green eyes. He was wearing an open black coat with a black cotton sweater and light blue jeans with a pair of some black and white Nike shoes. ‘Well damn’ you thought, ‘this theif is hot as fuck’. But priorities were priorities. You were going to offer him a piece of your mind. And if needed, a piece of your very basic physical training.

He first looked at your hand on his shoulder and then at you with a total lack of interest. Without any facial expression he asked:

’’What?’’

You took your hand off his shoulder and attached it to your hip in a somehow sassy position. Then with the other hand where you held your beer, you pointed at the cigarette pack he held.

’’Give me back my ‘candies’...Stealing is a crime, jerk. Instead you could’ve asked for a few. I would’ve... ‘’

But he didn't seem to pay attention to you anymore as he looked at something behind your figure. He started walking, right past you to the spot where you bumped into him.

You were speechless. You debated a moment if you should chase him again but you decided as soon as you remembered you didn’t have any money on you anymore to buy a new pack. You turned with a determined look on your face. He was picking something from the ground and as soon as you got close to him, right before opening your mouth, he held out his hand to you, holding a pack of cigarettes. He had another one in the other. And then you realised and your face started to redden. ‘Shit’

’’I have my own ‘candies’ though it seems they are the same as yours.’

You grabbed your cigarettes slowly while touching his hand in the process. You got a chill down your spine. This time his eyes were fixated on you and all the courage from earlier was down the drain. You were embarrassed of course but the way his direct look intimidated you was surprising. Your gut was telling you something but you couldn’t quite understand it. You were busy staring right back into his cold green eyes. He looked away first and sighed.

’’Well, if this is done, goodbye.’’ and walked away from you for the third time in 5 minutes.

Somehow that didn’t sit right with you. Your brain was telling you to just walk slowly home and finish the work you had left for today, take a shower and start everything again tomorrow, while your body was already chasing the long haired man, adrenaline pumping through your veins. You told yourself you just wanted to apologise for calling him a jerk but the truth was there was something invisible pulling you in his direction. Maybe it was your toxic curiosity or the silly fact that you two were smoking the same cigarettes, an old brand that made you forget things that screamed in your head constantly, or perhaps it was just the simple fact that he was a handsome stranger. Who knew? The only thing you knew was that you were a fool. But that never stopped you before.

’’I’m sorry! I never meant to insult you….I should’ve just looked around...Usually I’m not such an airhead. I wonder how come I didn’t notice another pack on the ground.. heh.’’ you said while reaching him. You guys were walking in the same direction anyway. He didn’t say anything, he just looked straight ahead not really paying much attention to you but he also didn’t seem bothered by your presence. As you reached a crosswalk and waited for the colour to change you watched his profile as discreetly as you could. He looked as if he was completely lost in thought but at the same time aware of everything surrounding him. He was close but far and that really tickled your brain. You groaned internally.

‘I shouldn’t care, he is just a stranger whom I’ll never see again. Asking him for a coffee out of the blue would be weird too.. And he seems to be completely uninterested in my existence anyway, though I guess that is mostly because of my bloody pyjam..’

’’So what’s up with that pyjama? he said out of the blue.

’’I don’t like to assume things but if you’re following me because you want to ask me out or something I think you might be my best friend's soulmate. He has the same Star Wars pyjamas.’’

Your mouth was hanging open. You looked down at your clothes and then back at him. He was watching you now as well. The light changed and he started walking as you followed.

’’I live on the other side of the road and this is what I usually wear at home, so no, I don’t really bother dressing up for a trip to the grocery store. And I’m just going home, I’m not following you..’’

You bit your lip as you hesitated before continuing wondering if you should say what you were going to say.

’’...and I also have a ..boyfriend.’’

You two reached the other side of the road and he suddenly stopped.

’’You’re lying.’’ he said calmly

Both of you stopped walking. You looked at him wide eyed. How could he know you were lying? He sounded so sure too. His expression seemed to change for a second when he saw your confused face, some sort of realisation hitting him while he shook his head.

’’Nevermind.’’

-He stepped closer to you and tilted his head, a few stray strands of hair falling randomly on his face. This guy was handsome, annoying but handsome. Even his skin seemed to have a special kind of glow, besides the fact that it was a beautiful tan colour and the combination with the kind of green/teal eyes that he had left you almost breathless in close proximity. Of course you lied. What boyfriend? You were working most of the time and you studied people for a living so of course you were overthinking everything about any guy that came your way. You either figured them too fast and they bored you or you didn’t even look their way. You were not easy to deal with either as you had a very straightforward personality on the outside but on the inside you were trying to keep everything from collapsing. You were confusing, caught between being intimidating, bad mouthed and weird or depressed and minding your own business in silence...and those moods were not exactly any guy’s cup of tea.

So lately you always try to play the sweet girl card when it comes to guys, hiding your trust issues for another day. But this time you were not in control...of anything. It wasn’t even a big deal, really.

You were just talking to a stranger. But his presence was dominating you effortlessly. And for some sort of reason you couldn’t even start to figure out why. Your brain was foggy, your breathing was irregular and your knees were suddenly weak when he got close to you.

‘What in the Twilight..’ you thought

You couldn’t read him while he seemed to have no problem reading you. And that bothered you the most.

’’You should go home..’’ he spoke in a lower, raspier voice ’’..I’m not as interesting as you might think. I’m a simple guy actually.’’

His words seemed so honest, his tone too. But something told you that he lied. Or that what he said might have been true. Once. But not anymore as his eyes didn’t meet yours when he spoke the last part.

You tried to ignore the sensation that formed in your stomach when he spoke so close to you in that voice that seemed to echo inside your head. You were getting a little lightheaded and for a moment you thought about the possibility of being physically sick. In this case this would've been the better scenario.

‘I should just go. Ignore everything about the way I feel now as if nothing will ever be boring again. Yes, I should ignore the fact that I don’t need to pretend because there is no point in doing so in front of this person. They see through me anyway. But that’s a bad thing and I’m not thinking clearly right now and he screams ’Stranger Danger’ and for God’s sake I work with the police...What should I do..His eyes are so pretty, his voice is so beautiful and I’m just a curious superficial fool.’

You took a breath and turned around while his eyes never left you. You started walking towards the entrance of your apartment complex and with every step your heart started beating faster and louder. Your ears were captivated by a weird inner buzz. You bit your lip and clenched your fist, your nails actually hurting the skin of your palms.

‘Don’t do it. Don’t do it.’

But in a swift motion you turned around, fear, excitement, some sort of distorted happiness and an unusual laughing sensation taking over you.

’’Come upstairs for a coffee, Stranger-Danger?’’

His eyes were still on you when you turned around. After you finished your sentence he covered his mouth with a hand. He might have laughed at the nickname, you guessed. But he came anyway.

Later on you would come to realise that you saw something flickering in his cold eyes when you turned around. A cunning fire that hid behind that wall of ice. Who knows..?

It might have just been the fact that this was exactly what he was waiting for all along.

But there was no coffee upstairs.

The moment the elevator doors closed you started kissing, like there was an unspoken agreement that this was going to happen exactly then. The kiss wasn’t rough as you would have expected it to be, it was gentle just as a declaration or an apology. But that soon changed as both of you became consumed with each other. The kiss became meaner from both of your sides, egoistical, as if both of you were trying to steal more from each other than the other did. He caressed your cheeks and then his hands travelled to your neck where he felt your skin and your pulse. His hands were cold but the touch of his fingertips on you felt as if it burned your skin, leaving scars even if there were none. You held on to his coat while he pushed your back against the wall. After you stopped kissing, he licked his lips and looked into your eyes. You looked back. Nothing said. He started kissing and biting your neck.

When you entered your apartment clothes started flying left and right and while kissing him, between undressing and tugging at each other's clothes , you could only be thankful that you were wearing the ‘good’ underwear you still had on and not some panties with silly patterns you usually wore at home. Somehow you two reached your bedroom but you had no idea how because you were blind to mostly anything around you but him. He picked you up, your legs now straddling his waist as he walked and you could feel his muscles. His body was very well defined, strong arms,abs and everything, beautiful large shoulders and prominent collar bones. ‘Weird’ you thought...because he didn’t really seem like he worked out. His body looked as if it developed naturally this way. You only saw that at the guys working in your department when they trained, the girls too. Their body developed over the years thanks to all the training.

For a second your mind wandered to what he did for a living.

You didn’t know anything about him... but the way his lips tasted, the way he smelled so fresh yet intoxicating, the way he made you so dizzy when he stared into your eyes, those things left you unwilling to think about anything else besides the feeling of his body on yours. You were drowning in him, his presence overwhelming you. The way you two moved against each other felt like a feverish dream in which you were dancing. He was leading and you could only stare into his eyes even though you knew this wasn’t like you at all.

He was far too intoxicating to be your type, and he was far too in control for you to be his.

While he laid you on the bed gently his hands traced mindless patterns on the skin of your legs moving higher and higher towards your thighs where he started to grab your flesh making you groan. He was either teasing you or enjoying feeling every inch of your body. He started kissing your inner thigh, sucking, licking and biting his way up to your core.

’’You’re going to leave marks.’’ you said breathlessly

He raised his head from between your legs and with a teasing but cold voice he said:

’’Is that a bad thing? Your ’boyfriend’ won’t mind.’’

Your face started to redden at the mention of the ’fake boyfriend’ and you opened your mouth to protest but in a quick motion he reached your face and kissed you. He was trying to shut you up by kissing you ruthlessly, biting your lips and sucking on your tongue. You couldn’t get a break and when you wanted to fight back he was kissing you even harder.

He only stopped when he ran out of breath. You wanted to retort something again but he beat you to it. Between pants of air he said:

’’You sure like to talk a lot don’t you ?...But I guess I’ll drink you anyway.’’

He effortlessly tied his hair in a messy man-bun that fit him weirdly well. The lights were off in your apartment but the street light coming from your bedroom's window was highlighting all the right parts of his silhouette. His abdominal muscles, his strong thighs, the movement of his arms as he fixed his hair, the veins on his arms, his slender but strong neck, his jaw, the right side of his face, his lips, his straight nose, his green eyes who looked directly at you without giving you a break. You were done talking now.

He slowly leaned over your naked torso while still maintaining eye contact and you could feel his warm breath on your skin. He watched you as if he was silently asking if you’re not backing away so you just nodded, ashamed of the fact that you were more excited than embarrassed. It was what it was. Your mind was fuzzy and your body was needy. And he intrigued you. However that was the part you chose to snooze for now.

He started kissing all over your breasts in a soft manner but eventually he transitioned into biting and teasing all over them, especially your nipples. You began slowly moaning because of the sensations that were overwhelming all your senses. He was only teasing your body but you were already melting. When he started placing wet kisses on your abdomen, going lower and lower, you squeezed your legs together and he felt it so he grabbed and squeezed on the side of one of your tights just to let you know that he was aware of the power he had on you.

When he finally reached your most sensible part you arched your back at the sensation of his tongue. Sure, you had sex before but it was almost always dry and this was also the first time someone went down on you. Like they knew exactly what they were doing and where to touch specifically. It was as if he knew what you wanted without even knowing you. It was strange. Suspicious. Addicting. Dangerous.

He trailed his fingers against your back while he ate you out. You were putty in his hands, your body flushed and high on the way his mouth felt. He teased your clit mercilessly, over and over, until you came multiple times. The good kind of torture.

As he slowly entered you he started groaning and placed your hands on his shoulders. You moaned at the sensation of being filled. It felt just right, as if your bodies just ‘clicked’ in every way. He grabbed your face with his hands while he started thrusting.

’’Just... hold on ...to me and... relax.’’ he told you between groans and sighs

You nodded rapidly, not really caring about anything anymore besides the pleasure and relief you were seeking. Your bodies were rocking in sync with each other, both of your pulses skyrocketing with every increase in pace. He was thrusting faster and harder now. Your hands were not on his shoulders anymore but outstretched above your head, his strong ones holding them pinned to the bed as he was losing himself in the sensation of you.

You two fucked as if both of you were running away together but from different things. When both of you reached your high his eyes seemed to light up when he looked at your face consumed by his presence. For a few seconds, while he lost control and pleasure overwhelmed him, you felt as if you saw someone else, still him but different. A real fire seemed to burn in those eyes during those moments but you only gazed at it a little bit and it was gone, replaced by that wall of ice that effortlessly unnerved you.

He collapsed next to you as both of you caught your breath.

You two sat in silence not feeling the need to talk, His fingers were mindlessly drawing battens on the back of your palm. You liked that. Somehow it warmed you. You turned your head in his direction. He was watching the ceiling and you could swear his expression was a little warmer now but something still felt melancholic about it. He turned his head and looked back at you. You really tried to memorise the way his upper lip was more prominent than the lower one, the way his eyes had such a nice, kind shape yet they looked at something beyond what you knew, the way his skin had such a pleasant warm tone, the way his hair fell on his face.

Your eyelids started to become heavy. You were tired but you tried to fight off the request your body and mind had regarding some rest. You really wanted to say something before you fell asleep so you mumbled in a sleepy voice.

’’..The more I look at you...the more...I don’t see you...smoking...I don’t know..why...tho..’’

Your body became heavier and your eyes were slowly closing. The only thing you saw before drifting into the dream world was the faint image of a smile on his face.

‘’I don't.’’ he said

You woke up late the next day and he was gone, as if everything was nothing but a weird illusion. You pushed away the feeling of disappointment, told yourself to grow up and forget last night and took a shower, ate breakfast, dressed up for work in some brown dress pants, a white sweater and some dark red leather heels, grabbed your jacket and bag from the hanger and left for work.

‘I was right. He is a fucking jerk. He didn’t even leave a note or something. I don’t even know his name..but I guess it doesn’t matter. We’ll never see each other again.’

You sighed.

You had more important things to do and worry about. How were you going to tell your boss, or The Captain as your crew called him, that you forgot the file you promised to look over, at work and you had no idea what the case that was assigned to your team and that was stressing everyone out, was about.

’’Captain Levi is going to beat the shit out of me..’’ you said out loud as you entered the building...even so...something bothered you as you could swear you placed the file inside your bag yesterday. You usually double check everything anyway.

You entered the HQ of the Survey Unit, your and your team’s unit and said a quick ’’Hello’’ to Jean, Sasha and Connie who were drinking coffee around Jean’s desk while discussing something intense.

’’Hey, L/N...What is with the panicked attitude? Come drink a coffee with us and stop acting like the sky is going to fall. Need help with something ?’’

You took off your jacket and reached your desk. Nothing besides your cactus and your agenda that you usually left at work. The file was not here either. Hell. Your mind started going into overdrive.

’’The sky is actually falling Jean...and I’m the fucking sky.’’ you said while facepalming. How could you possibly lose the file?? A file with confidential police information.. You bent down and started searching for it under the desk but it was clear it wasn’t there.

Sasha was unpacking one of her sandwiches as Jean and Connie were both looking at you with a confused expression on their face. But their attention switched to Mikasa and Armin who entered the doors while being surrounded by a gloomy atmosphere. Mikasa looked as if she lost weight in the last two days while Armin’s dark circles were obvious testimonies of a sleep deprived individual. Jean and Connie went over to them discussing something you couldn’t hear while Sasha came in your direction.

’’This really takes a toll on all of us...but I really pity Mikasa the most...I guess you read the brief details about the case...Having to arrest one of our own, someone who betrayed us and is also her step brother … Man..I would be stress eating like crazy..I still do it.. but anyway.’’

You snapped your head in her direction.

’’What? Mikasa has a brother?’’

Sasha raised a brow while chewing her food.

’’Yes. Though they are not related, she was adopted into his family when her parents were killed. His parents died too after a few years and they had to survive, together with Armin who was in the same situation. He and Armin had been best friends ever since they could remember. He betrayed us a year ago and went rogue...but we never knew how far he went.. The Military Police assigned him to us. I’m sorry... We never really spoke about this because it’s a sore subject…You must be confused.. Huh?’’

You were speechless. You never knew that. Not a single word about it. But you always that something was missing however you kept your silence about it.

’’Why would the MP assign him to us? It’s cruel and it doesn't make sense..’’

Sasha shrugged and said:

’’My guess is that they need Cpt.Levi to catch him. After all, he trained him. The MPs are big mouthed but they were never able to tame Eren.’’

You raised a brow. ’’Eren?’’

Sasha nodded.

’’Yeah, that’s his n….Y/N did you know you have something stuck on your bag?’’ she asked while pointing at the black bag you owned. It looked like a post it note.

‘What the hell..?’

You picked it up and noticed something written on it. The writing was a little bit messy and squarish.

’’MEETIIIIING!’’ screamed Hange from the conference room

Sasha went ahead: ’’I’ll see you there. Hurry up.’’

The words written on the note were: ’’I’m sorry. You’re a kind person. Thank you.’’

There was no name but you knew it belonged to the stranger you met last night. You started breathing heavily. It wasn't the fact that something felt off about the note but where it was placed. On your bag.

The FUCKING FILE was IN the bag.

In your mind a memory flashed suddenly. 3 months ago, after working hours the whole team went out for some food and drinks. You and Armin discussed your favourite movie series. You froze while remembering the crucial detail of that conversation.

’’It’s kind of embarrassing but I even have pijamas with Star Wars..’’ Armin said while his face flushed red.

You placed a hand on your mouth remembering a part of last night’s events.

’’.. I think you might be my best friend's soulmate. He has the same Star Wars pyjamas.’’

’’L/N! Move it!’’ Cpt Levi’s voice snapped you out of your daze.

You started walking shakingly thinking over and over again about the possibility of this all being a coincidence..but when you entered the conference room and saw the screen, your blood went cold.

/Runaway-Eren Yeager/ Accusations / Terrorism/ Multiple Murder Acusations/ Insubordination/ WANTED/ Dead or Alive/

And right to all these accusations was the picture of a younger version of the guy you met last night.

Your ex-colleague.

You looked at the note in your hand.

It made sense right now. He used you right from the start.

You felt like laughing but you sat down next to Jean, trying to compose yourself and paying attention to what your Capitan was saying.

In your mind only one phrase kept repeating itself.

You just fucked the enemy.

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That was my first ever smut scene...Am I going to hell yet? haha

#eren x reader #aotsmut #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren smut #attack on titan #levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #sasha braus #connie springer #jean kirstein #aot fanfiction

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wickedmilo · 3 years

Photo

YOU’RE REALLY NOT MY TYPE | MILO & LUCE

PLACE: A dive bar TIMING: 1:13 AM SUMMARY: Tired of drinking alone, Milo approaches Luce and makes an attempt to befriend her. It does not go well. WRITING PARTNER: @divineluce CONTENT WARNINGS: Addiction, alcoholism, inebriation, PTSD

Milo was drunk. If he considered being inebriated a regular occurrence before his death, he had taken things to an entirely new level after waking up as a vampire. Even with Harsh making an effort to help him learn and understand, things were difficult. Beyond difficult. He missed his old life, missed being in the centre of a crowd, making friends with every single stranger in the smoking area, going home with someone without even knowing their name. He couldn’t do any of those things anymore. Not without an overwhelming desperation for blood. Not without fear, and anxiety clawing viciously at his chest. That didn’t ease the need to drink though, his body was still craving what it had been relying on for years. There was only so much he could do before being alone and sober became too much. Which was how, not for the first time, he found himself at a bar.

It was stupid, he knew it was stupid. But he was so tired. If he could steal even a semblance of his old life back, then he was going to try. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting alone, staring down at the dregs in his glass, before he finally forced himself to his feet. There was a girl who didn’t look too far from his age, sitting alone just across from where he was lurking in the shadows. If she didn’t want company, he would leave. And if his bloodlust became too great, he was confident he would find a way to excuse himself. With that justification playing over in his mind, he set down his empty glass on her table. “Any chance you’ve reached the point of realising how depressing it is to drink alone, and wouldn’t say no to some company?” He asked, his voice lazy, drawn out by the alcohol in his system. “I mean, tell me to screw myself and I’ll go- I swear, I just- well, I’ve reached that point.”

The nightmares were still coming. She’d heard bits and pieces of the weird dream situation from fucking Leah of all people, a fact that irritated Luce to no end. She’d heard that whatever supernatural bullshit that had been fucking with the town’s collective sleep schedule was over. But, tonight-- just like so many other nights-- Luce’s dreams had jolted her awake and driven her from the place she called home. She could see Lydia’s face, staring at her, wide eyed as she stalked towards her. She could see herself, blood rolling down the wound in her leg, dripping from the knife she’d yanked out of her own flesh. Luce had watched, hovering behind Lydia, and had seen the unrelenting rage in her own eyes as she’d lunged forward and stabbed the iron spear through her body. Luce had felt the iron burn and sear against her skin, she’d heard the begging, pleading screams that still haunted her to this day. And then she’d woken up. And dragged herself here. Some shitty hole in the wall bar with shitty, cheap whiskey. But at least it was cheap.

Staring at the bottom of her glass Luce paused mid sip as some random kid approached her table. He looked as though he’d been drinking just as long as she had and he sounded it too. “If you’re making a pass, you’re barking up the wrong tree.” She said, more tired than irritated for once. “If you actually just want to drink. Sure. Go for it.” She said and gestured to the chair next to her.

Milo laughed, unable to stop the sound from escaping his lips. “Don’t flatter yourself.” He teased, his tone lighthearted, as he took a seat. “You’re really not my type.” Getting comfortable, something that was all too easy to do considering how inebriated he was, he tapped his fingers absentmindedly against his glass. If he leaned back against his chair a little, he could almost ignore the close proximity, the smell of his company’s blood. “So,” he started, watching the girl sitting across from him with an open curiosity. People didn’t just drink alone at bars when they were happy. Not in his experience, at least. “Do you get hit on by strangers very often?”

“Good cuz you’re not mine either.” Luce snorted. This guy looked like he was Nell’s age. A fucking kid. But, hey, if he was old enough to drink, so be it. And even if he wasn’t, she didn’t really give a shit. As he made himself comfortable, Luce stared at the ice cubes in her glass, willing them to melt. She wanted them to melt. For them to bubble and froth and to sublimate straight to vapor. But, they sat stubbornly whole in a pool of amber. Glancing over at the kid, she laughed. “No. Other way around.” She said before lifting the glass to her lips, “Usually, not right now though. Not really looking for that kind of company tonight. And if I was, it wouldn’t be here. Flaming Mo’s, Friction, anywhere but this shitty little bar.” She said, rattling off the usual haunts. Well, usual before shit had gone down with Remmy and Nadia, before her magic refused to flow through her veins.

Milo smiled. The easy, playful nature of the conversation was allowing him to relax. There was still a faint voice in the back of his mind telling him he couldn’t afford to, but it was the same voice that occasionally told him not to drink, or not to accept an unnamed substance from a stranger. He had been readily ignoring it for years. “Oh, really?” He asked, grinning easily at his company’s admission. He had a feeling he was going to like her. “So what’s got you drinking in this shitty little bar?” He asked. “There has to be a reason you aren’t at Flaming Mo’s, or Friction.” He downed what was left in his glass, dregs, really, before turning his attention back to the girl.

Still staring at the ice cubes in her cup, Luce’s lips curled slightly at his question. Nope. A lot of shit had happened in the last year. A lot had changed, including her. But, she still wasn’t the type to just fucking unload her problems to some stranger at the bar. Let alone some kid who looked like he could barely afford his drinks. “Sometimes people just want a change in scene. Nothing wrong with that.” She said coolly, lifting her glass back to her lips. “What about you, huh? What’s got you here? There are plenty of other places in town that don’t card. And they’ve at least got a more lively scene than this,” Luce gestured to the sleepy looking bar, filled with other people who had been doing the same as her before this kid rolled up. They were all quietly stewing in their own thoughts, in their own misery, with a glass in hand because it was easier than sitting in the dark at home.

Milo knew from the look the girl gave him that she wasn’t about to tell her story. Which was only fair when he considered the fact that he definitely wasn’t ready to share his own. “A change of scenery like a downgrade?” He teased, glancing around at the less than classy establishment. There were posters tacked to the walls, thrown into focus by dingy, yellow lighting. The bar was small, the bottles behind it suspiciously dusty. And the lack of patrons was a sign of just how poor the customer service was. In a way, he almost liked it. It felt good to be somewhere so… unbothered. Whoever owned this place wasn’t out to draw crowds, or make money. They just wanted to give people a place to mournfully drown their sorrows, and he respected that.

“Me? Oh, I really was looking for a downgrade.” He countered, sarcasm dripping from his tone. His eyes were shining though, a sign of his good nature. “You think I’m not old enough to drink? I’m 22.” He assured her, amused by the assumption. He had a list compiled in his head of every place in town that didn’t card at the door. Even though he didn’t need it anymore, the information seemed to be seared into his brain. Waving his hand, brushing off the mention of a livelier scene, he wrinkled his nose. He wanted a livelier scene, it just wasn’t an option for him right now. He had begrudgingly been forced to settle. “I’m kind of avoiding people right now…” He realised approaching her contradicted his statement, but it was the truth. Or sort of the truth. “Trying to, anyway.” He added. “Guess I’m not cut out for drinking alone.”

Lips pressing together in a thin line, Luce finished off the last of her drink. “Change of scene like people not bothering me here.” She said pointedly. This wasn’t a place where people made conversation, or met with some friends after work for drinks. That was what places like Dell’s was for. This bar was a dusty hole in the wall where the people here were for one thing only-- cheap drinks. “Uh huh. Sure you are.” Luce said with a shrug as she drummed her hands on the table. She should go home. She should just go home and just… deal. She should just go home and face it. With a sigh, Luce waved to get the sleepy-eyed bartender’s attention and gestured to call it quits.

“Well,” Luce said with a long sigh, knocking on the table as she stood up from her chair, “Sounds like you’ve got some work ahead of you if that’s the case.” She said before putting a twenty on the table, gesturing to the kid as she made eye contact with the bartender. “Use whatever’s left to cover his drinks too.” She said before making her way out the door. “Good luck with whatever’s got you drinking here. Check out Mo’s when you have a chance. It’s a better scene than here.”

Out in the cool night air, Luce paused outside the bar and pulled out her phone. She could Uber home, which would be fine. Or she could walk, it was how she got here in the first place. Without meaning to, Luce realized she was flicking through the contacts on her phone. She still had Remmy’s number. Which didn’t matter-- they’d left town. They were better off away from White Crest. Away from all the fucked up shit here. Away from her. Swallowing, her finger hovered over the delete contact button.

She took a deep breath and hit the button. She had to move on, she had to move beyond her past. And that meant letting go. Stowing her phone back in her pocket, Luce headed back into the night. She had to go home.

Milo frowned, suddenly feeling guilty for disturbing the girl. Although his motivations were often selfish, he never intended to cause trouble for anyone, and now he was forced to wonder whether she had agreed to his company to be polite. Or even worse, maybe she had felt as though she couldn’t say no to him. He stayed silent, listening to her brush off his comments. He liked to think he was self-aware enough to accept the fact that he wasn’t incredibly personable. On multiple occasions he had argued with people purely because they didn’t like his attitude, and looking back on said arguments, he couldn’t exactly blame them for getting upset. But he had kind of, almost been trying here. At the very least he had made a conscious effort not to be a dick. He watched as she flagged down the bartender, dropping a twenty before standing up to leave. “Oh- I… okay.” He couldn’t hide how miserable he felt, though he wasn’t sure why the rejection hurt. He had been alone five minutes ago, did it really matter if he was alone again now? Especially not when somebody had willingly paid for his drinks.

Tapping his fingers against his glass, he downed what was left of the contents, thinking about the last time he had visited Mo’s. He wanted, more than anything, to trust himself in such a busy environment, but he had already taken too many risks. He wasn’t in control. When was he ever in control? Letting out a huff of breath, a habit he had yet to shake, he pushed away from the table too, uncomfortable in the sudden silence. Pulling his cigarettes from his pocket, he had one in his mouth by the time he reached the door, desperate for a distraction from his thoughts. The cold air hitting his skin the moment he stepped outside, the vague scent of the girl he had been talking to still lingered in the air, but she had long since disappeared into the night, apparently desperate to get away from him. He sparked up, leaning against the brick wall behind him as he struggled to force down his emotions. It wouldn’t be the first time he had chased his feelings away with a trusty combination of nicotine, and alcohol. It certainly wouldn’t be the last.

#milo and luce #c:luce #ptsd tw #drug mention tw #alcoholism tw #addiction tw

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sohin-ace · 4 years

Text

Jojo Drabble - Jotaro (Pride Month Special)

It's the end of Pride Month, and I haven't seen a single, not a single post about Aro/Aces...

I'm not really surprised. At all.

I'm linking some interesting videos and websites to help you understand this sexual orientation.

Asexuality: The invisible Orientation by Hippie Calico

I spent a day with Asexuals by Anthony Padilla

Asexuality by David Jay

Asexuality.org (available in 16 languages)

R/aaaacccccce on Reddit

R/asexuality on Reddit

(Both subreddits are very cute and full of funny memes and good positivity 💜🖤)

In regards to the visibility of this marginal and forgotten sexuality, I'll be making a drabble about it. With the only openly Aro/Ace character of Jojo that I know of.

※ Jojo Scenario • Jotaro - Ace to Ace

You opened the heavy metallic door leading to the rooftop, the loud clank and dry screech making you cringe. Hopefully the sound wouldn't alert the teachers or the class reps. After all, nobody was allowed on the roof. Especially during class hours.

You walked around, searching for a certain someone and, surely enough, the boy in question was there, just where you expected him to be.

"Man, you sure love to ditch, don't you?"

You chuckled and the male didn't even spare you a glance, his hat effectively shielding his face from the Spring sun as he laid leisurely on the floor, his arms pillowing his head.

"I could say the same to you."

Well, he wasn't wrong, you thought to yourself, but you would never admit it out loud and possibly give this smug man reason.

You slowly and carefully sat down next to him, groaning slightly at the painful difficulty of the usually simple task.

Jotaro perked up slightly at your discomfort, making sure you were alright. Thankfully you seemed alright and he relaxed.

"Yare yare daze, you shouldn't have come. You're still recovering, why are you walking flights of stairs now?"

That's right. You were still under medication and strict medical supervision for your quite severe stomach wounds. And you still weren't used to your prosthetic leg just yet.

It was purely a miracle that you managed to survive that fight against Dio, and you never ever took a second of your life for granted after that, thinking of the friends who didn't have the same chance as you, lost forever during that battle.

You looked down at your uniform skirt. You couldn't think about that now. You had to lift up the mood for Jotaro, and for them.

"Hey, I'm fine." You dismissed with a smile, "It doesn't even hurt that much anymore, it's been a while now." You reassured and he only mumbled his catchphrase again, laying back down.

You two kept each other company in comfortable silence. Despite everything, Jotaro was still taciturn and you were much calmer after all that happened the past few months.

It was already the end of the school year and your thoughts drifted to the future that awaited you, and what it had to possibly offer.

"Say, Jotaro..." You softly grasped his attention and he only hummed in response. "What do you think will happen next? After we graduate, I mean..."

"Hmm?" He opened a curious blue eye at you." ...Go to college or get a job. Or both. What else do you want to do?"

"Ah well..." You paused and thought of your next words. "I don't want to but... Guess I'll have to get married and stuff eventually... Have kids, cook for my husband, things like that you know..."

Jotaro clicked his tongue and scoffed at the disgusting idea. "...Bullshit."

"I know..." You sighed and looked back down at the male, only to see him stare at the now more covered sky, his usual glare softer on his face. You knew what he was thinking.

"Jotaro..." You called and he looked at you. "You're the same as me... Right?"

He didn't say anything, but his eyes spoke answers for him. You may not have known him for very long, but the adventures and experiences you lived with him were worth much more than years of friendship.

He huffed and closed his eyes. "Yare yare daze... Why are you talking about depressing things, now?"

"I mean... Can you blame me for being worried? I know you feel the exact same, Jotaro." You brought your knees up to your chest and stared ahead. "You'll have to get through the same thing at one point too... That's... What we're expected to do, after all... Whether we like it or not."

He hated to admit it, but you were right. What was the place in society for two outsiders with not interests in romantic or sexual relationships?

What were Aromantics and Asexuals besides loners, straight people craving attention and finding poor excuses for their lack of charisma?

Especially when everybody well knew that the only way to succeed in life, was to share it with a significant other and keep the bloodline going forever.

...Or was it really?

All these thoughts, your obligations as members of the patriarchal modern society, the implications behind all of it, the consequences, the fate you two would be doomed in. All of these were so painful. A lifelong struggle.

He was aware that he'd have to complete his other half of his life, achieve the ultimate life goals of getting married to a beautiful little wife and have cute little children running around the house and all that jazz.

But that's not how Jotaro Kujo had ever imagined his life would be like.

He had his own dreams, his own comforts. Being alone was good. So good. But he had no choice, he'd have to satisfy society's expectations. He'd have to make his mother proud and granting her the little grandchildren she always wished to have.

Jotaro looked back at your metallic leg. After all you've been through, after all he's lost to save his mother, pleasing her and making her happy was the least he could do to honor your sacrifices and the deaths of his loved ones.

But what could he do? Force himself? A man couldnt force himself to develop feelings, he could only pretend. But what good would that do him?

He'd have to, eventually. He couldn't help but think back at you. You were all the same. And you two would be judged for life for not following suit and do like everyone else, like little sheeps.

Was it so wrong to not want to be with a special someone? To not get attached or attracted? Why was it so weird? Why was it unacceptable? Who deemed it necessary, to get stuck into marriage just for the sake of being married?

And man, his thoughts rathered to drift to sex either, that's really the last straw and if possible, he'd love to shut everybody up about it. Shut up everybody who only validated a man's worth by his primal urge to knock a woman up.

You seemed to be the only one he could actually talk about this with, since people would just tell you the usual 'You're gay!' or 'You haven't found the one yet!'.

Just like telling a depressed person to 'cheer up'. Bullshit excuses of people who couldn't accept that mindsets and sexualities differ with each human being.

What were the two of you supposed to do? You were stuck, cornered.

He was a stone that knew nothing about affection, and he already pitied the unlucky woman who'd get to him.

And you were just as bad of a stone. He felt bad for you, for having to have to lay down and take it without batting an eye just to satisfy the needs of the greedy bastard that'd snatch you away.

"... We'll figure it out, Y/N. We've dealt with much worse to worry about things like that."

"That's true but... I don't know. It's hard to imagine a family life. I like chilling on my own. And I'm still too sad about them to be lovey-dovey."

He scoffed, hitting your back playfully. "So what? Let two hopeless rocks with crippling depression be themselves. Sounds like a plan."

"Now, hear yourself talking about depressing things!" You chuckled and pointed out accusingly at him, stealing his precious hat and putting it on your own head.

He sat up with an exhausted sigh and roughly pulled his hat down your eyes, as his own little revenge, gratified by a small 'Ow!' of response from your end.

He let out a ghost of a smile as you were blinded by his hat, thankful that you couldn't see him even though he knew you'd never tease him for being more expressive.

"Ow, that actually hurt, Jojo, you bastard!"

"Let's go." He stood up before stretching his huge hand out to you, making sure to be careful with your injuries as he pulled you up to your feet with surprising gentleness.

Before you could reach your classroom, you grabbed your friend's arm, prompting him to stop walking in the empty hallways.

"But really, Jojo... Wherever you are, and if you have been pushed into a life that unsatisfies you in the future... think about me, okay? You know that somewhere, I'll be the exact same... You're not alone."

He couldn't help but soften his gaze just slightly. You were a thoughtful person, that wasn't a secret. You already had proven yourself to be compassionate multiple times during your crusade, and you kept on.

You made him realise that he was normal and it was okay to not feel anything. You two could only rely on each other now, and it sure didn't matter to him what people say.

Oh of course he'd heard his classmates gush about how cute you two were and how uncharacteristically sweet he was towards you ever since you came back from your trip.

Because the infamous Jotaro Kujo wouldn't just have a soft spot for just anyone, right? Nobody would believe that he became so gentle just because you were injured, there must be something more, right?

No. Absolutely not. And screw society for fogging people' small brains into thinking that there's an afterthought or innuendo behind every male-female, or even same sex platonic relationships.

He knew well that it made you as uncomfortable as him, but you always brushed it off and let the people talk. Let them believe whatever they wanted.

He never wanted to think too much about it, but he couldn't help but worry as well sometimes. That was the kind of things that pissed him off.

It pissed him off so bad. If it wasn't for you he would have crushed so many skulls already. That would teach some people to shut the fuck up.

"What are you thinking about, Jotaro?"

He blinked, humming questioningly at you as you had taken him out of his transe.

"You just called Star Platinum." You said as you grabbed the Stand's big hand, shaking it around as if to greet him, to which he responded with a whispery 'Ora'.

He sighed heavily, calling his Stand back. "Nothing... Nothing at all."

You chuckled a bit. You've learned to read him quite well overtime. A skill only his mother and Kakyoin had mastered. "I'm worried too, Jojo. Hopefully it will be okay... For us."

You patted his back reassuringly and he smiled.

Wasn't that kind of love enough? Love without obligation, without commitment. Without the consequences. Without gender norms, without standards. Just people caring for each other. Wasn't friendship, camaraderie, sisterhood and brotherhood beautiful enough?

Platonic, unromantic love was much stronger than any other type of relationship. He was satisfied with this form of social contact. He didn't need anything more.

Jotaro Kujo was never a greedy man, after all.

The male was suddenly brought back to his sense when he felt a tiny hand tug insistently at his sleeve, hoping to wake him up from his rêverie.

"Papa, you fell asleep on your desk again..."

Jotaro inhaled tiredly, scratching his head and taking in his surroundings, his study back in his home in Florida. He patted his daughter's head, making her scrunch her face a little.

Was it that late already? He was so used to dozing off after working on his thesis, reflecting on his life and his choices. He had been overworking himself lately. He knew he shouldn't overthink, but he couldn't help it.

"Thank you Jolyne. Go back to sleep now, alright?"

The little girl nodded and trutted out, leaving her father alone to his thoughts.

Jotaro let out another breath, eyeing a certain picture frame, taken in the desert. Hopefully you were living a fulfilling life of your own.

And hopefully you two would get to meet again, and maybe talk again.

Ace to ace.

116 notes · View notes

jamiedc-they-them · 4 years

Text

The Little Things (Platonic)

Requested Imagine: “Could you please do an agents of shield x reader in season 4 when the reader got taken by Aida early in the season and was replaced with an Lmd so when daisy and jemma are escaping the base and coulson is chasing them the reader is with may and sacrifices herself with her. So when daisy and jemma find her in the framework it’s just sad and a happy reunion?”

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Anniversaries where weird, they came around every year and yet you were expected to do something different for them; maybe a party or going out for the night or whatever.

There were different kinds too; Birthdays, holiday seasons, time since abandonment/ death.

Wait, what?

Daisy had been celebrating the last and final time she had been abandoned and sent back to sent back to the orphanage. At least that one made her runaway and meet you guys.

Speaking of you guys, she was currently looking at a photo of you and your father that you had in your room. She knew that the death of him still weighed on you heavily. She had wanted to find you and try and provide some comfort but had instead found an empty room with that photo.

“Hey,” Daisy said in greeting to her scientist best friend. Jemma looked at her with a smile in greeting, “Have you noticed anything different about Y/N?” Jemma furrowed her eyebrows in thought at the question.

“I’m….not too sure. I haven’t seen her much. Maybe she’s busy.” Jemma suggested, but Daisy could tell her friend was now trying to piece it together.

“I mean, sure. But, with what? We’re all trying to stop the Watchdogs here. To my knowledge, there’s not much else going on really.

“There she is.” Daisy said, moving over to you when you entered the lab in a more dejected fashion, “Hey, Y/nn.” She said, giving you a friendly smile.

Yours was timid, but it was expected, “Hey.” You said in your naturally soft voice.

Daisy fought the urge to look back to Simmons, despite knowing her friend’s eyes were on you both like a hawk, “So, I’ve been meaning to ask you something….Are you ok?” She was blunt, both because she didn’t have another way to phrase it, and she just genuinely wanted to know what was hurting another of her best friends.

She knew Jemma was the same when someone she cared about was hurting, so she knew the British woman would back her up if needed.

You went to answer, but your eyes glossed over a little. She turned to see who it was, only to see Coulson talking to Simmons.

When Daisy looked back to you, she saw you gulp back those tears that had piled up. It was then that it hit her on what the issue was.

She softened her eyes and posture as it hit her, “Oh, Y/nn.” She said in a softened voice, as if not to scare a wounded animal.

“I’m sorry.” You said, as if at fault. But you had a slight laugh at the end of it, even if a teary one.

“No, you have nothing to be sorry for! We should’ve noticed –”

“It’s ok.” You assured her, but you could tell she didn’t fully believe it, “Daisy, I’m fine, really. It’s just a thing I’m going through. I’m not just this, you know.” You told her. You then left, not wanting to be reminded of your dad any longer.

She watched you leave, but her gaze was worried. She was older, so it was her job to look out for you. She knew how you could be at times.

It had been a few days since that time, and the sister figures had done a decent job of dealing with this latest issue while also helping you deal with your own. Or, rather, they thought they had been.

They both watched as you walked with more of a confident one. Don’t get them wrong, they were kind of glad to see it. But they couldn’t help the nagging feeling they both seemed to share when they met each other’s gazes with a look.

The look that conveyed that both thought something was wrong. They just weren’t sure on what that was.

“She seems….happy.” Daisy didn’t really have another way to put it. Part of her did feel a little envois of it.

Fitz, seemingly realising this, approached her and put a hand on her shoulder, “Maybe she’s found some peace with it. Grieving is different for everyone.” He reminded her, gently. Trying not to cross a line that had been drawn in the sand the second Lincoln had died.

She put a hand on Fitz’s, squeezing it. She did appreciate her brother’s attempt at comfort, really, “I know….it’s just, I didn’t expect it this quick.” She admitted.

Jemma couldn’t help the nod, “Y/N always feels before she acts. She never did leave things on the best of footings.” She didn’t exactly want to talk about this behind your back. But, the three seemed to agree one thing, anyway.

This flip of yours wasn’t normal.

It was later still, and everything was falling apart. Jemma and Daisy’s hunch was right, you were an LMD (a Life Model Decoy. A robot version of yourself essentially) and so where most of the team. Everything was spiralling. But none so more than Jemma Simmons.

The woman had just ‘killed’ the love of her life in a bid of survival. Daisy had watched it happen, the two sisters at each other’s throats for a moment. However, they soon realised that they were all that was left of the crew and were the only ones capable of bringing everyone else back.

“Hey, Jem, we will get Y/N back, alright? I promise you.” She said, firmly standing by that belief.

“I can’t lose you, either of you, Daisy! Please don’t do this!” Jemma begged one of her sister figures, the one she could save right now to not risk it all and die.

“I made you a promise Jemma, ok? Now, I can’t get out of here without your help. But, once we do, we will find the others. We will find Y/N and we will bring her home.”

She held out a hand for Jemma, one that was then clasped as the two rose up off of the floor, “We got this.” She assured her.

She was sure of it; she was going to bring you all home.

==================================================================================

Jemma and Daisy had met you at the same time, on the BUS when the team was first formed. You had been with SHIELD for a while, but you always seemed to be a background extra type of agent, you just kept your head down and did the work.

This would be your first time as a main and in the spotlight.

Skye was new, thrown into the deep end and told to swim. So far, she had managed to, barely. But, barely being above water was always more preferable than being under it and drowning.

When she saw you, though, she saw someone else who was slightly over in their head and out of their element. Hell, even the people she’d come to see as the siblings she never had (Fitzsimmons, but that list included you) seemed it as well.

Still, you succeeded in your mission, bringing Mike Peterson in non-lethally. However, it was what happened after that made Daisy want to befriend you both.

It wasn’t just that you both shared the same sense of humour, or that Jemma was one of the kindest souls she knew.

No, it was the way you all took care of each other. It was the way Jemma seemed to notice that you were a bit shaken. So, in her own awkward way that she had back then, she took you into the lab and helped calm you by injecting you with something to calm you with.

She then sat with you and got to know you, letting you rant and get it all out of your system. However, what made Daisy smile the most was the way she didn’t mind; she was more than wiling to lend an ear.

Who was there to talk to Skye when she relapsed a little with some of her old coping mechanisms? Jemma.

Who was there to pick her up when she fell or failed at a thing Ward wanted her to do? You were.

Who was there when you had a panic attack or had a depressive episode? They were.

Your sister hood was born through all of those factors.

They had released the sleeping gas, and it had worked on some of the agents. Other than that, it had alerted everyone else to their presence.

LMD Mace (the new face of SHIELD) made a b-line for Daisy. She didn’t mind, she was more then ready to kick fake-Mace’s ass anyway. It would help her vent her frustration over this whole mess anyway.

Plus, she knew it was something you’d do, it was a trick you’d picked up from the academy; to channel your pain and anger into your opponents, but not letting it rule and ruin you.

Still, pain was pain and pain hurt. It especially hurt more when the emotional turned physical. For her, it was when she was shot in the back by LMD Coulson, then by LMD Mack. Two of her closest friends coming to bring an end to her.

No, she had the real versions to save. She had a family to bring back home.

So, she channelled all that pain and hurt; the abandonment and scars she had endured and gathered over her time before she met you all, and put it into her Quake that sent the both flying backwards and threw the glass, shattering that that wasn’t already in that state.

Slowly, she got to her feet. She was bleeding from the bullet wounds, but also the scratches and bruises were finally catching up with her. She made her way to the door, having to lean against the doorway to steady herself.

As she did, Jemma noticed her and helped guide her to the cart they were pushing. They then hatched a vague plan of Agent Davis flying them out. He hadn’t had much experience, but she didn’t care at this point.

Daisy hit the floor, groaning as she did so. A hand was offered to her, she took it graciously. Once she was up, she faced you once again, “Neat trick, where’d you learn that one?” She asked. The trick in question was a bit of foul play in terms of getting your opponent on the ground. Something SHIELD definitely would frown upon.

“Dad.” You said, wanting to leave it at that.

Daisy, with her experience of parents, nodded and let it go, “He would always take me out to a place like this and train me. Told me it’d help calm me when I was anything but. He only did it when he saw that I was getting stressed, though.”

“No other time other than that?”

“No other time. I got myself through those one’s though.” You said with a cheery smile. Daisy mirrored it, but it wasn’t as bright.

‘You shouldn’t have had to, though’ she thought to herself.

One obstacle she didn’t bank on (or want to) deal with, was LMD you. However, it seemed you were a packaged deal in his one; with LMD you came LMD May.

And, with that deal, came a remote detonator in your hands.

“Y/N….May.” She said, brain working overtime to try and find a way out of this that didn’t involve getting blown up, “You don’t wanna do this.” She said, opting on that one.

“We have no other option.” LMD you said, “Coulson told us to stay here and stop you if you tried to leave, we’re doing just that.”

“But you don’t want to hurt us, right?” Jemma asked, trembling smile on her face as she looked between you both.

“Coulson says that doesn’t matter.” LMD May replied with.

“That doesn’t sound like Coulson.” Daisy argued.

“Either way, we won’t have to regret this decision.” May said, putting her finger closer to it.

“Wait!” Daisy called out, “You have to feel something.” She tried.

“Y/N, I need you to look at me,” You complied, “You have to feel something right now, right?” She was tired, oh so tired. But she was so close.

She saw something glimmer in your eye, “Something.” You agreed.

“That’s love, Y/N. That’s love for us and the team, you’re family. I know you care about us, and that you don’t want to hurt us. Please Y/N….” She watched you as the conflict in you grew and grew.

They made their way up the ramp, Daisy almost collapsing as Jemma held her, shouldering her weight. She was bleeding badly, borderline passing out.

However, she had bought them the time they needed to start up the Quinjet and have it rise out just as the explosions rocked the base, “Thank you Y/N….I’m coming.” She said in a tired voice as she gulped, finally processing the fact that her plan had worked.

She found you sat in an unused Quinjet (something she’d then do herself much later on in time) and just sitting there. You were spaced out, as something had clearly hurt you.

Jemma was sat next to you, hand holding your own as you seemed to hold it like a lifeline, your head rested on her shoulder. Her head rested atop your own.

She made her way over, sitting on your other side and grabbing your other hand. She didn’t ask the cliché question; she just held your hand.

“My dad……he -- he….” You couldn’t get through it without choking on the words. However, it was all Jemma and Daisy needed to know as they both tightened their hold on your hands.

“We’ve got you.” Daisy promised you, “You have us.”

“….I know, thank you both. You guys being the closest things I’ve had to sisters and you’re all the closest thing I’ve had to a stable family.” You said, giving them all a teary smile. They mirrored it.

“Of course, that’s what friends are for.” Jemma pulled you both into a hug at the words.

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The framework was a world that they, obviously, didn’t know. They were outsiders here, having to adapt to a new world that they barely knew the rules of.

What they did know, was that HYDRA were in control and all of their friends were scattered all over the place.

So, they were off to a great start, it seemed.

Daisy had found May, but quickly learnt that the woman didn’t know anything about the other world. She was then called into a meeting. Following May, she found someone else she was looking for. That being you.

You were quieter in this world. You didn’t seem to really have any friends, you seemed to just keep to yourself.

She sat down in the chair and listened to the briefing, but you ignored her gaze as it flickered to you every now and then.

As she did what she could to really pay attention to the briefing on the target, she couldn’t help but wonder one thing: where you always like this? Was this a side to you she either didn’t know about or didn’t want to acknowledge?

You had, obviously, been in the field for longer than Daisy had. Still, she saw the way you handled yourself on the field like any other agent. They were still pieces of the person she saw, though, the friend she had made and the sister she had grown to know and love. It was in the blush you’d get at praise, or the way you would always give her an encouraging look whenever she was send off on a mission.

She had been found out trying to help Mack, only to find that he was forced into going with what she said. It had led to her being the cell.

AIDA had walked in, trying to offer a life with Lincoln. As much as she wanted it, she knew it wouldn’t be worth letting the rest of you all die. Lincoln wouldn’t want that.

So, AIDA tried something else, “You know….that Y/N sure is a tricky person to work out,” She smirked at the way Daisy fixed her with a dark look, “So many layers to unpack. Seemed her father was just the tip of the iceberg.” She seemed to enjoy the taunting.

“Leave her out of this.” Daisy tried to muster up as much hate as she could, but the beatings had taken it out of her.

AIDA, however, seemed a bit impressed, “Still got it, don’t you? That fire and spark, yet a caring and protective side as well?”

“If you touch even one hair on her head –”

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t hurt her. She’s living without her regret of opening up,” Daisy looked shocked at the news, “That’s right, she wished she was a little less open. Now, I wouldn’t have gone with that with everything she’s been through. But people can be surprising.” AIDA then got up, “Hope he doesn’t kill you.” With that, she walked away.

She was left in the hands of Fitz, hands that used to be caring but now were used for hurting. The darkness that Fitz had always struggled with had come to the surface, and this one seemed to relish in it.

She was alone, clinging onto what life was left within her. She was, at least, until the doors opened. Looking up, she saw not only May, but you as well.

A moment later, she had her powers back and the three of you were breaking out. She sent AIDA through the glass and looked at the body on the floor with a sense of triumph.

You were here, and you were on her side. Don’t get her wrong, she was happy May was too. But May wasn’t the name used to make her give into AIDA’s demands.

Turns out the robot was wrong, which Daisy was thankful for.

The way back was met with danger, but what was new? Well, mainly your cynicism.

They were talking about the Patriot (Mace’s alter ego in this world) having been killed in an airstrike. As you spoke about it, May revealed some key information on it. That being that it was her who had caused the death.

“You couldn’t have known.” Daisy comforted, looking at you as if expecting the same.

“She did, but she did it anyway.” She definitely didn’t expect that. May, however, nodded at it.

Seemed the cold and warmth you both had was swapped to a degree.

“What?” You asked her, finally confronting her on her staring and look she was giving you.

“Nothing.” She said, looking away.

You made it to the TV station, going in and uploading the footage May had that would put HYDRA in the ground.

When Daisy left the room after her talk with Ward, she saw you looking at the footage with an expression of anger. She approached you, “What’s wrong?” She asked as she came beside you.

“My dad was killed by HYDRA, turns out,” You said bluntly. Daisy was lightly taken aback by it, you had never been like that before in this type of fashion, “And only now am I just hearing about it.”

“I’m sorry.” She offered in a heartfelt gesture to try and find the sisterly bond you had back home.

You shook your head, “Yeah, well, I’m more pissed at just finding out now than the event itself. We were never the closest, so….” You said in a flat tone.

“Family is family.”

“Sure.” She could tell you just wanted to move on. So, she let that request be followed through with.

You had made it back to the base, where Daisy reunited with Jemma. She had a large smile when she saw that it was you, pulling you in for a hug. You may not have known who she was, but you returned it, for her sake. She seemed like she could need it if she was honest.

She pulled away, seemingly giving you a once over with a beaming smile at the fact you were there. As said, you didn’t know who she was, but this meant something to her, so you just let her have this moment.

Daisy and the team where waiting for you at the entrance to the base, you were coming home from a few months of undercover work and they all stood eagerly awaiting you.

The door had opened, but they had gotten their hopes up before only to be disappointed before. Still, they looked, and this time it was you.

You had a conflicted look on your face, but a smile was on your face as your eyes went glassy. Daisy was right over, embracing you, one you returned tightly.

“This is new.” She joked, in reference to how tightly you hugged.

“Just….I need this.” She complied with it, tightening her own hug as well.

Her family was whole once again, that was all that mattered.

She was then arguing with Jemma about how they unfortunately couldn’t save Fitz, when she said something that she wasn’t meant to, “We need to get everyone out first! Then we can save Fitz! Look, this Y/N isn’t the one we know, Jemma. I need my sister back the way she was.” She didn’t even think about it, she just wanted to get you all back home and get her family back.

However, at a scoff, they both looked and saw you stood a small distance away, clearly having heard those words as you shook your head.

“So, what, I’m the broken one?” You didn’t even give her a chance as you then walked away. Jemma took a shaky breath as she looked to Daisy, the two sister’s having a silent discussion about who should see you.

In the end, it was Jemma who had left.

Daisy sat on one of the spare beds, mind racing with thoughts of how to proceed. She knew that you guys needed to know eventually that this place wasn’t real, but she didn’t expect you to find out like that. Hell, she definitely didn’t expect the reaction she got from you, the scoff, and the look of anger.

A moment later, however, you came and sat next to her. She almost didn’t believe it, that you were here. But she only waited for you to talk. Now, she expected anything.

“So….was I like a square peg in ‘the real word’?” You asked, keeping your eyes straight ahead, but you decided to just be blunt in this moment.

Daisy chuckled a bit, lowering her head to the ground as she did so, “Yeah, or I thought you were anyway. Stupid, huh?” She chastised herself.

“Nah,” Now you both met eyes, “You….I only showed you part of who I was. But, there’s more to me than my dad’s death. I appreciate the help that you apparently gave me there, I do really appreciate it. But, that’s not the only thing I’ve got going on. Just like I’m sure that you’ve suffered a lot more than you’ll ever let on, which I respect not wanting to go into. But, there’s to us then one thing.”

She nodded, “I know, and I’m sorry that I did that. I just wanted to help.”

“I know you did, but I’m not always going to be that sad person you need to protect. I can do that myself, just like you can too.” You told her.

“Ok.” She said, finally letting herself believe it that she didn’t know everything about you.

She then moved it onto the issue at hand, “So….now you know….What do you think?” She asked.

You gave it some thought, “Oh, you know, it’s out there. Then again, most things here have been.” You gave her one of your soft smiles that she was used to.

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So, you had come around to it, and you were now all packing up to leave through a backdoor that Doctor Radcliff (one of the creators of this place) had left for you all to get out.

Now, you just had to get to that place. So, you all got the crew together, boarded the Quinjet, then went to that place.

That place was a factory, but you weren’t one to judge. Or, rather, this version of you wasn’t? Maybe? You didn’t know, no one had really told you. All you knew was that Jemma had approached this version of you the way you were here, which was nice.

On the way, Daisy had started to do that, you saw it was a pain and struggle, but she was trying. That was all you could thank her for.

You all entered the warehouse, with the gateway being a drop into lava. Not the best exit, but a way out was a way out.

Mack had then found out, and he wasn’t exactly taking it well. Like, not well at all. You, however, kept an eye out, it was going too well.

And it was, as HYDRA agents stormed the place and fired at you all. You all went for cover as you did what you could to keep them off Daisy as she held out her hand, her power opening the portal.

As you all did what you could, members slowly went through; May and Coulson were first, then a bleeding Fitz and Jemma, then it was all of you that were left.

As you made your way to it, a bullet struck you, taking you to the ground. Daisy wanted to stop and run over, but she then saw the look in your eyes that told her one thing; keep going.

You were bleeding, and you weren’t doing great on the moving department at first, but you then started to. Mack was still covering you, even grabbing your gun as a backup.

As you moved and Mack covered, she took a breath before putting her hand back out as the power left her hands again a hit the portal.

As it opened, she checked on you again. She knew some part of you would want help, but right now that part wasn’t the one that was there. This was the one that cared more about others, the one that let them be helped instead of you.

You finally made it to the portal, you gave her a look, “See you on the other side.” She smiled at you. Then, you fell into it.

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You were all out, and AIDA was defeated. You all sat at a bar, with your family. Daisy looked at your food, different from what you’d normally get.

“Look at you, being all reckless.” She joked.

“Maybe for today, sure.”

She smiled and shook her head. She didn’t know what else you had to show her that was new, but she was willing to see. She knew people couldn’t just be codified and put in a box. People were different, they grew and changed.

#agents of shield imagine #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d imagine #daisy johnson x reader #daisy johnson imagine

49 notes · View notes

taesbetch · 4 years

Text

04| Den Of Hybrids

Pairing: BTS x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Taking care of six hybrids can be a pain in the ass but when a stray needs y/ns help, y/n brings him home to his new family. Follow Y/n as she tries to help Taehyung (The new hybrid in town) fit in and continue to keep the other six alive along with other troubles that life brings.

Word Count: 1.8k

Previous | Next

Silent. The house was so incredibly silent. And oddly cold. Without the presence of your seven hybrids, the house had lost its sparkle and as you sat on the staircase staring at the door your hybrids had just marched out of, a small tear let itself fall down your cheek.

You held your phone in your hand knowing that you needed to get on the phone with the police asap there's no way that this is allowed. She can't just take your hybrids without your consent. You dialled the number of a very good friend of yours who ran multiple hybrid organisations, hoping she would be able to help you sort this mess out. "Oh hey! y/n! hows it going?”

“Horrible. Hyuna please help me out. My bitch of a great aunt has taken my hybrids !? Claiming she can do so because I’m providing for the family and i need to get my work done? What the actual fuck? Can she do that?” You asked, tears prickling in your eyes as you imagined how scared and uncomfortable your hybrids must be.

“Well no, not to you anyway considering you’re over the age of sixteen! Did she show you a document?” Hyuna asked, concern growing in her voice as you heard her type away on a laptop.

“Barely. It looked real and she said she had the police involved. Hyuna what do i do?!” You pleaded suddenly the situation dawned on you that your hybrid hating aunt was supposed to look after seven hybrids for a brief amount of time. HYbrids who were traumatised, Hybrids who were high maintenance....This was really, really bad.

“Don't worry we’ll get them back before anything bad happens, I'll call you back in just a second,” Hyuna said before hanging up. You quickly grabbed your bag not being able to just sit around and wait.

--- Third P.O.V

“I can’t breathe”

Namjoon sat with jimin as he gasped for air. All seven hybrids were trapped in a stuffy room. Grey walls containing them from any other contact. Single beds lay in a row, one for each hybrid; one pillow and a small blanket fit for a baby.

“Jimin it's okay! Y/ns gonna get us out of here we don't have to worry” Namjoon cooed as he rubbed the bunnies back. Jungkook sat staring at the two as yoongi tried to lay his head down and sleep.

“Yoongi how can you sleep at a time like this?” Hoseok asks as he sits himself down on the bed next to yoongis.

with a scoff, yoongi rolls over to face the confused man.

“How else are we supposed to pass the time?”

The boys sat quietly for a second as the doors outside started to open.

“She's coming” Jungkook whispered, his spirits a little broken from being yelled at a little too much on the ride here.

As the door opened the boys all tried their best not to sneer at the elderly woman. they all shuffled around uncomfortably as she glared at the lot of them, two men stood behind her both dressed in all black with their eyes hidden by sunglasses.

“take the photo” She orders.

One of the men take out their cellphone and snap a quick picture of the boys. He then moves further into the room taking a close picture of the tearful jimin and the depressed jungkook.

“That should do it,” May says, a sly smile making it onto her face.

“DO what?” Jin asks bravely his experience with the hag proving an advantage.

“Well when soppy little y/n sees how sad her hybrids are she’ll do anything to get you all back home. Maybe even pay a little price for your speedy return.” She explained laughing afterwards like she had just won the worlds smartest women award.

The boys all glared with disgust. Of course, she had some alterer motive. None of this was to help y/n. Its always about the money and it will always be about the money.

“ You’re a wretched witch, y/n will never give you what you want” Jin stated strongly resisting the urge to spit where she stood. Her smile dropped. Nodding at one of the men she watched joyfully as he strolled over to jin; without hesitating he struck jin across the face, his fist meeting jins jaw with swift precision.

The boys all rose with panic. Namjoon stepped forward with a scream of disapproval but before he could do anything the other man was pointing a gun at hoseoks head. Everyone froze.

“That seemed to shut everyone up. Y/ns life wouldn't be so messed up if it weren't for you mutty hybrids. Honestly, what was she thinking? The girl could be an award-winning scientist by now...but instead, she lounges around writing books and taking care of you” May rants. her eyes flickering between each of theirs.

“Sleep tight. I’m sure by Saturday you’ll be back in your home. Or back on the street. Either way” May laughed once more before she exited leaving the room feeling heavy with emotion. Namjoon looked around worriedly, and for some reason, he knew that the hit jin received would not be the last one.

---- Y/n

“What the fuck.

You stood in front of your aunt's house, banging on the doors to what seemed like an abandoned home. The maids weren't even present, nor was norm, the angry doorman who you know hated you as much as your aunt.

The white pristine house you hated so much as a child and feared to enter seemed so dim and..well beneath you. It felt like what was a David and Goliath story had flipped on its head. Pressing your face against the glass pannels you noticed that no lights were on which was odd for your aunt.

sneaking around the back you were even more surprised to see no garden workers attending to the massive gardens outback. Roses looked dried out and leaves had flown their way over to the once perfectly cut patches of grass.

“So weird.”

disrupting your thoughts, your phone rang.

“Hyuna! Hey! what did you find ?!”

“sooooooo much. Enough to bury your aunt with at least 60 years in jail” She replied. The typing you heard before still going.

Your eyes widened in shock at the response you had gotten.

“Wow! I-i-i Don't wanna send her to jail for basically the rest of my life, i just want my hybrids back.” You replied, your eyes drifting to the house where minimum furniture lay and old paintings sat broken.

“I mean okay...You have security cameras in your house, don't you? Let me come over and ill send it to my people i can have your hybrids back by tomorrow.” Hyuna said before hanging up the phone.

You sighed, looking at the house that used to bleed ‘im rich’ in confusion one more time before leaving. How very very odd...

---

“Wow, Everything is happening so fast” Hyuna sighed as she watches the security footage back. You ran a hand through your hair feeling the same level of frustration as you did that day. Both of you sat in your lounge trying to decipher the situation. Hyuna seemed to think that this video was more than enough evidence as she had no actual means to take your hybrids.

“Okay, let's get this in and get your hybrids back,” Hyuna said as she typed away, her fingers moving at the speed of light. As you watched her your phone lit up with a text message from your aunt.

‘How horrible. Look what the did to each other! Guess the space isn't working out for the. Shame i can't move them anywhere’

You eyebrows knitted with confusion at the text as you watched the typing bubbles anxiously. And that's when the pictures came through. Gasping, you clasped your hand over your mouth as pictures of your hybrids in pain flooded your screen.

One of jimin bawling his eyes out. One of jin with a black eye, Namjoon with bruises all over his legs, Jungkook with a small cut across his cheek.

You couldn't bear to look.

“What? What's wrong?!” Hyuna asked worriedly. Handing her the phone you sat yourself down trying not to cry. This woman you had trusted with the most precious people in your life had presented this outcome...and tried to blame it on them.

“Look at what they did to each other? Does she think I'm dumb? That bitch did this to them AND IS WHAT? TRYING TO TRICK ME? DOES SHE ACTUALLY THINK IM STUPID”

Before hyuna could say anything your phone received another text message. Your face dropped and your eyes narrowed. Flashing back to her home you realised what was going on.

“Let me guess...she wants some money in order for them to be let go” you sneered. Anger suddenly boiling up within you. That fucking bitch.

“Yep...1 million per hybrid. Look y/n/ I might be a bad friend for suggesting this...i know shes your family member but i seriously have so much dirt on this woman it's ridiculous.” Hyuna sighed, leaning back in her chair.

“Shes broke...shes broke so shes abusing my hybrids to get money out me? She literally could have just asked? Does she think she can actually get away with this?” You scoffed.

“Maybe she does. What do you want to do about it?” Hyuna asked, her tone lower than before.

You paused for a second. Considering your options. The boys were the only real family you had left. And she had the audacity to lay a finger on them for what? some coin. You looked at hyuna whose determined eyes surely matched your one.

“Let's bury the bitch”

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cosmicclownboy · 4 years

Text

Malex day 7: AU

If there was a concept Michael could blink out of existence it would be blind dates. Not that there aren't other social constructs that he struggles with he just fails to grasp why this is a thing. Can't he be trusted to find someone through his own volition? It's not like either party usually wants to be there anyway? It's a product of peer pressure and it's just so painfully awkward he ends up nursing a beer at a bar by the end of the evening wondering how in the hell he's going to get out of the next one.

The primary issue is the matchmaker in question because in many ways he is in a rock and a hard place. If he even remotely musters up the courage to tell his sister, Isobel no she's going to become hyper fixated on getting him more dates. And that's the last thing he wants. If he just gets through them maybe Isobelle will realise it's a lost cause and just give up. In the past month alone he’s been on three dates all equally terrible. Lisa who worked in finance drank three margarita's and promptly left their dinner on the sidewalk. Doug, a gym trainer who had the personality of a potato. And Susan an astrologist who despite being career goals just didn't fit. It's almost depressing that his brother who set him up with a coroner for a joke somehow wound up getting him a relationship yet his sister who has a better grasp of him then anyone keeps setting him up with these duds.

By month four he's had it. He cannot do it anymore. "Isobel I love you but if you try to set me up on one more date after this I will Jedi frisby your favourite shoes to the moon" Isobelle has never looked more horrified and scared in her life. "You wouldn't dare not the Dolce with the tulle". "I didn't actually know which were your favourite so thanks for the info drop" He nabs a fry and winks at her leaving her with the mental image of destroyed ankle boots. Hopefully, it means she will stop promptly.

According to her logic, he implied he was open to one last date which in turn creates a loophole that she can have one final try. He agrees only because she shoos away a woman he's spent the last hour flirting with. And if he goes on this last one he can finally know some semblance of peace from his sister. When she calls Alex the man of his dreams and uses the word Adonis as a descriptor he's already planning the ways of which he can fling those Dolce shoes. The last man she said would rock his world gave him the worst orgasm of his life and stole ten dollars from his nightstand. He does not want a repeat of that night. To which she enunciates very proudly that she knows him specifically and if he dares to be an asshole she'll shred his cowboy hat. "When have I ever been an asshole on one of your dates Iz" "Ali" She's got him there but he's still offended. "Ali kept sending back her ravioli because it wasn't hot enough.I'm not sorry I didn't want to stay for another course of oh my god my asparagus is touching my salmon Michael my daddy owns a yacht club Michael". He does his best squeaky imitation of her voice that has Isobel shaking her head grinning. "You know I saw her the other day she was spray painting her poodle, Edguirdia bright pink"

Instead of a gaudy restaurant with an obnoxious french name requiring him to google map the address. He's given one not too far from his apartment. Surprisingly it's in the neck of the village he likes that's quiet and reserved. Michael bites back a small smile when he sees the establishment is quite literally called "a Grillhouse".It's rustic. The chairs look a little battered for wear and the kitchen is so close to the tables that the aroma wafts throughout the restaurant. It's peaceful and the smell alone makes him hungry. If Ali ended up here for a date he's pretty sure the place would wind up condemned within the hour. This Alex Manes already has earned points in his book. The menu has food he'd actually eat at a reasonable price and there's a really old jukebox in the corner that he's itching to get a look at. He drops his jacket at the weathered booth in the corner and it's two steps before he's silently reading each song title in his head.

"There are sixty songs on there. I should warn you that fifteen of them are cutesy bops that his girlfriend likes. Who even pairs ACDC and Foo Fighters with the Jonas Brothers?" The voice appearing out of nowhere takes him by surprise so much so that he jams his foot into the corners of the metal. Whatever curse that was going to fall out of his mouth is quickly gone when he turns to see the face to the voice. God, he hopes this man is his date. Dressed in tight black jeans with a marble looking sweater the man is a vision. He stares a little open mouthed for a minute before he remembers he has to speak.

"He must really love his girlfriend"

"Can't say I relate"

He steps in front of him with a coin and Michael quickly moves curiously wondering at what he'll pick. The first bar of Roxeanne by the Police hangs in the air and he's staring at the man in front of him swaying softly eyes closed and smiling. Beautiful. Adonis beautiful?

"Please tell me your Alex?"

Isobel is so forgiven.

"You're a YouTuber?" He tries not to sound offended or judgy but judging by the smirk and raise of his eyebrows Alex immediately sees through his bullshit.Alex rubs his hands on his jeans slowly debating what to say.

"I got in an accident after I left the air force" He knocks his knee revealing a clank. "At first it was to document the journey and so my buddies overseas could feel like they were with me. But then people really got interested in my life and stuff. I do a lot of different stuff. I show people some of my leg fittings. Do videos with my dogs and sometimes I play music"

"You play?"

"Piano and Guitar"

When Michael winds up pressed to his truck an hour later Alex's hands everywhere and anywhere his mind is blank. He's going to combust or come most likely both. And he's perfectly fine with it if Alex's kissing him like he's the instrument that he wants to play non stop. It's dirty and passionate and soft and oh god maybe he is the man of his dreams.The kisses leave him dizzy but he wants more and more. So he maybe has sex with Alex in the back of the truck multiple times over the weeks. And maybe he falls a little bit in love with him. It does not mean he is willing to give Isobel the satisfaction of knowing she found his person. He refuses. So they keep it sort of on the down-low. Alex is fine with this because the internet tends to hold an opinion on every relationship he's ever had and he wants to have moments for them.

The jig is up after four months when Isobel hears Michael say baby off-camera to Alex in one of his videos to his specialist. He gets an earful mainly I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!! He's not even mad at that point he's just relieved he didn't want her to find out after he's moved in with Alex.And if he's honest he's hated not being able to tell her about him. He thinks Alex feels the same because he's been hassled for the past week in texts from all his friends about mystery guy. First, they release a photo of Michael unboxing his stuff with the hashtag #home and they slowly ease him into being in the videos. Michael's quickly come around to realise it was dumb for him to judge especially when he reads some of the comments in the tags about how much a video affects a person's mental health.

The first video he makes his first on-screen debut is Alex doing weird science experiments with Liz and he spots their dog going for the squirrel. Their second dog, of course, spots the squirrel after he's deferred the first dog and long story short the video ends with all three of them bathing the dogs soaked to the brim.

Maybe blind dates aren’t so bad if it’s Alex Manes.

#malex #malex20

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thoughtsdying · 3 years

Text

The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another.

And I’m ok with that.

#aromantic #aromanticism #asexual #asexuality #personal #real experiences and problems

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