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volturiwolf · 3 years

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Unorthodox - An Embry Call x vampire!fem!Reader Story - Part 3

A/N: I thought the second part was big, but this is bigger.

A/N 2: I'M SUPER HAPPY BECAUSE STEFANIA AND GREECE ARE ON THE EUROVISION 2021 FINAL !!

A/N 3: Again, (Y/N) likes expensive things.

A/N 4: This part is a bit cheeky, and it makes my heart melt thinking about Embry.

A/N 5: Enjoy

No of Words: 6300+

Through the parts, mentions of: Abusive relationship, Attacks, Hunt, Illusions, Loneliness, Mental health, Murder, Sex / Sex language / Sexual activities, Suicide, Swear language, Wild imagination

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Part 1 / Part 2

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"Unorthodox" Tag List (reply if you want to be added or removed): @eunoia-kth @eugeniapet @aquanova99 @foggyturtleknightangel @avecletempsy @girlgirlgirlnormal @hshehdyhd @musicandpenguins @letskidnapsenpai @foreveror-never @kpopgirlbtssvt @adaydreamaway08

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Embry’s POV

Hunting was a first-time and unique experience for me. As shifters, we didn’t need to hunt like regular wolves did; we ate normal, human food. We mostly ate the food Emily would prepare for the whole pack, and, thank God, her food was just as amazing as she was herself.

Honestly, we had to give her more credit than she accepted. She had to cook huge food portions to satisfy our insatiable wolf appetite, and she spent too much in her kitchen cooking for us every single day. She was like our wolf mom - if we could consider Sam as our wolf dad, making sure we were fed, healthy, and unharmed every day.

(Y/N) was running beside me, led by her vampire instinct to hunt. She was truly beautiful - she exuded so much power and confidence in whatever she did. I couldn’t help myself from turning to look at her every minute or so, watching the wind passing through her (y/h/l) hair, her eyes glistening in a deep gold color, her lips slightly parted. Every now and then, we would pass by a ray of sunshine, and her skin would glow like the most beautiful diamond I have ever come upon.

I didn��t know if it was the imprinting, but watching her doing her “vampire stuff” did not repel me at all; on the contrary, I felt closer and more drawn to her. She felt comfortable enough to open up to me, though I knew I had many more things to learn about her, and I was willing to wait for her to tell me anything she wanted.

I didn’t realize that transforming into a vampire could be as stressful as it was phasing into a wolf. I never had to think about it, because they are supposed to be our enemies, not people to sympathize with. In the end, I realized that we weren’t so different - just like us, most of the vampires we’ve come across, did not choose this lifestyle. In their case, though, it was someone else who decided for them; someone else who took away their choice in living a normal life.

I knew that, under normal circumstances, I would have never met or come across (Y/N) - and if I did, I would probably keep my distance from her. But I also knew that I was grateful that the pack made this “unofficial” agreement with the Cullens, and I could meet her, and be together maybe? Things were going fast here, and I didn’t exactly know if we were dating or just casual friends because of the imprinting. I didn’t want to believe she felt no connection to me, but I also would not receive the vulnerability she showed before as a sign she was into me. I would wait for her to decide, to tell me what she wanted for us. Whatever she chose, I’d accept it, as long as she was happy and alive.

She slowed down a little, looking directly at me. “At this point, we have to take in our surroundings, to take in every sound and smell around us. It is important to distinguish between an animal and a person, and control ourselves, to avoid anything bad happening.” She started explaining the process of hunting, and I could only nod at her for now, to assure her I understood what she was telling me.

She stood still for a few minutes, closing her eyes and breathing in every smell around us. “It’s a bit easier for me to “read” the environment around me. I create an illusion up to a certain distance, and if anything or anyone falls in the illusion, I can basically “see” them and understand their nature, what they’re thinking, what they’re feeling. That’s why it became a bit easier for me to abstain from human blood in the years after I decided to follow the vegetarian diet. I already kept my distance from humans, so I could avoid them easier.”

She suddenly opened her eyes and ran forward. I ran after her, trying to be close to her but also keep my distance. She stopped on top of a boulder, eyeing a mountain lion a few feet below us. She turned to me and nodded towards the lion, motioning me to stay quiet, before stroking my cheek lightly. I shivered under her touch and when she let go, I craved more.

In a swift move, she launched towards the lion, growling. The lion growled back at her, and I couldn’t help but growl at it as well. (Y/N) let out an animalistic growl as she fought to immobilize the lion, before sinking her teeth into its neck. Normally, the sighting would make my stomach turn, but, again, nothing was normal in our lives.

I watched closely as she sank her teeth in the lion’s neck once more, gulping the blood in the process. When she finally lifted her head, there was only a small strip of blood falling out of the left side of her mouth - her whole appearance still perfect, despite the fight. She looked at me, sweeping the blood with her pointer finger and licking it slowly. I don’t know why I was turned on by the sighting, but I was. Quite turned on.

She smiled cheekily at me, starting to giggle. And then, as if she was air, she suddenly disappeared in front of my eyes. She didn’t run away; she literally disappeared. I slightly freaked out, but then, I felt a small kiss under my ear, and I knew it was (Y/N). The sneaky little bastard “blinded” my vision, and was playing games with my head.

“Sorry. I was just messing with you.” She grinned, and snuggled in my side, wrapping her hands around my face. The smell of blood was still prominent in her breath, but I couldn’t care less. It felt as if she was reciprocating my feelings for her, and I couldn’t be happier.

“Are you okay? Shall we continue? I’m still pretty hungry.” She questioned me, her words barely coming out of her mouth, whispering so as not to ruin our happy little moment. I nodded, and she rubbed her face into my fur, before letting me go and running forward.

A couple of hours and many deer later, we were on our way back to (Y/N)’s place. She invited me over to spend some time together. She lived about 1 mile away from the Cullens; she told me that she appreciated them as much as she appreciated her own privacy and space, and they understood her need to spend time on her own.

She waited a few minutes for me to change back to my human form, giving me the space and privacy I needed. Though I had no issue changing in front of her, I thought it would still be too early for that. After shifting back to human and getting dressed, I came out of the woods.

She waited for me in front of her house. Her house was pretty big, a mix of dark wood and glass, making it extravagant but also warm and welcoming. Her very expensive car that I noticed in the clearing we "trained" a few days ago was parked in her driveway, along with a white silver Cadillac Escalade Hybrid.

She saw my wide eyes and overall shocked expression and laughed. “That is..my “more casual” car, you know, to drive around.” I gulped and nodded, as she motioned me to come into her house.

Matching its exterior, the interior also exuded a mix of luxury and warmth. There was a big bronze chandelier in the foyer, but it was nothing compared to the ones further into the house. At first glance, there was a huge living room, decorated with brown fabrics and furniture of different hues, enhancing the warmth. The kitchen was pretty big, especially considering there lived a vampire who didn’t need to cook. The counters, the cabinets, and the drawers were made out of white marble, in complete contrast to the living room. A wide wooden staircase led to the upper floor. My jaw was probably on the floor by now.

“I really like buying expensive things and such.” (Y/N) grinned at me, watching me turn around the place and take everything in.

“You must be pretty hungry, huh?” She looked at me, serious now, and my stomach growled in response. She smiled widely. “I have quite a few pizzas in the freezer if you don’t mind. I usually wouldn’t buy anything, but I thought that someone, or even you, would come over, so I went out yesterday and bought a few things. Would you be okay with that?” She looked unsure, waiting for my response.

I didn’t realize I hadn't said anything for a few minutes, until (Y/N) came in front of me. “Embry?” My name came so pure out of her mouth. “Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?” Her voice sounded concerned, as she examined my face for any signs that would “betray” a lack of wellbeing or something.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about it. I just didn’t expect that you would go out of your way to make sure I ate if I ever came here.” I was indeed shocked, I didn’t lie.

“No, of course I would. I didn’t expect you to come over, but I just hoped you would.” She smiled, lowering her eyes to the floor.

I came closer to her and stroked her cheek lightly. She gasped slightly, but I felt her melt on my hand. My heart was beating so fast, pounding so loudly, full of love and nerves. I didn’t think about it twice before I leaned in and pecked her lips lightly.

I heard her gasping at my action, and I pulled away, worried that I scared her away. That wasn’t the case though, as she grabbed my neck carefully, afraid of her own strength, pulling me back to her and kissing me with more passion this time. The fireworks and stars I saw and the fire that was burning deep inside me were definitely not a part of any illusion. It was a reality - the reality we were currently living and experiencing together.

I captured her face between my hands and she swirled her hands around my shoulders and neck, keeping me close. She cooled down my nerves, and I set her body aflame. Even after we pulled away, we stayed close, foreheads touching, eyes closed, just feeling each other and relaxing under each other’s touch. (Y/N) was the first to speak.

“How about you go take a hot shower, and I’ll prepare the pizzas?”

She stroked my hair while looking me deep in the eyes and I just wished this moment would last forever. I was absolutely delighted and felt blessed to have met my imprint and mate for life. I couldn’t even remember what life was like before her, and I couldn’t even bear the thought that I would have never met if she wasn’t bitten and transformed into a vampire, over 100 years before me. I didn’t mean I was grateful for the vampire who bit her, or vampires in general, but I was grateful I had her.

“Okay.” The words barely came out of my mouth, before I kissed her once again.

“Let me help you.” She took my hand and guided me upstairs. She showed me the bathroom and brought me freshly-washed, fluffy towels, clear underwear, long jeans, a woolen t-shirt, socks, and slippers. I looked at her curiously.

“I bought a few things if you ever wanted to crash here.” She confessed, a kind of guilt on her face. I smiled widely and kissed her once again.

“Thank you, love.” She relaxed and smiled.

“Okay, now, go shower. Relax, have fun with the jet streams.” She winked before running downstairs. I chuckled at myself, and hopped in the shower, turning the jet streams on, and relaxing further into my thoughts.

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About half an hour later, I jumped off the shower, clean and relaxed. I quickly dried off and got dressed. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. I would have never thought of being this happy in my life.

I didn’t have the best childhood. I never met my father; I never knew who my father even was, but I definitely knew he was a Quileute by now. My mom, however, was a Makah, an outsider of the Quileute tribe, so she didn’t know about the shape-shifters.

There were a lot of one-sided fights with her when I came home after a long night patrolling. She thought I was going through a rebellious stage, and I just let her believe that. Even Sam offered to tell her the truth about the Quileutes, but I refused. I couldn’t have her getting in trouble or hurt; it would be better if she didn’t know. I sighed deeply and slowly walked downstairs to meet with (Y/N).

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(Y/N)’s POV

I didn’t mean to watch Embry’s head, but I couldn’t help it. All these images suddenly started flooding my mind; his mother yelling at him for being out of the house at odd hours, but him never yelling back at her, never revealing the real reason for his absence. He was thinking about all the times he asked his mother about his father, but she refused to say anything more and dismissed Embry’s inquiries.

Embry’s head was heavy with these dark thoughts, tangled and disorganized, reminding me of my own. His thoughts were all over the place; small images and scenes here and there like little flashes of memories.

I heard him coming down the stairs and tried to forget about everything for his own sake. In a minute, he entered the kitchen. He looked so beautiful, even a plain pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt. He was mesmerizing, his face calm, a small grin lighting up my world, and, if I hadn’t seen his thoughts, I would think that his head produced only happy thoughts.

Anyone who saw Embry, saw a quiet, reserved, but seemingly happy young man, not what I had just seen for myself. I decided not to talk about it; if he ever felt comfortable talking about it, he would, and I would wait for him, no pressure.

“Like what you see?” Embry grinned seductively. Cheeky bastard.

“I do, actually.” I leaned forward, over the counter standing in the middle of the kitchen, pressing my breasts against the surface. It only lasted for a few seconds, before I sat back straight, but it was enough for Embry to gulp down and his cheeks to turn red under his already tan skin, his eyes wide in shock. Two can play the game, babe.

“Well, come on, the pizzas are ready.” I acted as if nothing happened, and continued acting normal, taking the pizzas out of the oven before handing a plate to Embry from the nearby cabinet. He was standing close to me, watching my every move with a look of questioning.

“Are you okay? You seem as if something is bugging you.” I didn’t see a single image in his mind that could give me any clue as to why he looked concerned.

“I just have a question. It is a weird one, and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t feel comfortable. I suppose that’s personal, but I was just wondering.” I nodded at him to continue. “How did you come up with all this money? Like, I guess the Cullens are rich, Dr. Cullen is a doctor and they probably come from old wealth or something, but how did you afford to buy all these things?” He motioned around the house.

I sighed. “I actually waited for you to ask this question, eventually. First of all, I should let you know that most of Cullens’ money - if not 90-95% of it - comes from trading stock, bonds, foreign exchange, investments; Alice’s visions have helped A LOT. And, everything is legal. Nobody says that visions count as fraud; inside info does, but visions don’t. So..that’s their story. Mine is complicated. It is on the verge of being illegal but not really.”

“What do you mean “illegal”? What, like, you sell drugs or something?” He laughed but then, upon seeing my blank face he stopped. “YOU SELL DRUGS?” He plopped down on a chair.

“Yes, and no. I sell..candy, sugary sweets, gummy bears, anything really that is considered candy. But, I present them as “drugs” to people who I know are interested in buying drugs. I sell them the candy, which is regular candy, sugary and sweet, something a kid would eat. And then, I just stand nearby or a few kilometers away - it depends - and cause them to see illusions, so they actually think they are on drugs. The more they pay for a “drug”, the more intense illusions I create. Most of my regular clients are CEOs, CFOs, businessmen, investors, you name it. Usually, they will organize a party and “book” me in advance to provide them with “drugs”. I always make sure they pay half price in advance and half price when I arrive with the stuff so that I don’t get fooled.”

“Aren’t you afraid of getting caught? Isn’t it dangerous for these people?”

“Embry, I never, ever, present my true self to them. Again, I create an illusion of myself when I collaborate with them. And I am never the same person more than once; they actually think there is a whole network behind it. And, I always make sure they are safe and don’t take things too far. That’s why they “book” me. I’m like a designated babysitter for the “junkies”. I take all necessary precautions so that they have fun, don’t harass others, and don’t do things that will get them killed. It’s an extra paid service.”

“And that pays a lot, huh?”

“Everything you see around, and many more, have been purchased with this money. Though, I recently had Alice manage my money and invest them wherever she thinks it’d be profitable for me. You know, so I don’t risk getting caught, and actually start making money in a completely legal way. Though, I have to admit, I liked the small doses of danger, and the money was REALLY good.”

Embry looked skeptical. “Normally I would say that this still seemed illegal and it would be better for you to stop. But,..” He stood up from his chair and came closer to me. “...I also know that you must know what you’re doing by now, and you’re not doing anything that is more illegal than what your clients are doing. So, I think you should choose for yourself, see the pros and the cons, and see what would be better for you.” He wrapped his hands around me and held me against his hot chest.

“If I’m being honest, I have enough money by now to last me a lifetime - a human’s lifetime, maybe two or three. And..I think it is time to go legal. I think Alice’s idea was the right one. It will also give me a chance to be closer to her and the rest of the family - though I told her I didn’t want to take advantage of her gift, she assured me that I wouldn’t.” I sighed. There was a lot of pressure in my head, but Embry’s presence and touch actually managed to keep me calmer than usual.

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“I guess it’s time to go deeper, so shoot away.”

“When you said it was easier to stay away from humans when feeding, did you ever actually kill people?”

“Well, I do have pretty good control over my thirst now. I still had to go through the newborn phase though, for a year or two. I killed many people, I couldn’t contain myself, until my gift started developing more, and I could see my ugly, scary side in their head. When I told you I can see what people are thinking..? I basically can see the images and illusions in someone's head - kind of like what Edward does, but he can actually read someone’s very thoughts at a specific moment. I can only see the images. So, I could see that I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I didn’t realize it at first. But I didn't want to be like the vampire who attacked me. I didn’t want to be that kind of monster. I know I am a monster, but I didn’t want to live at the expense of other humans. My life being taken away from me did not excuse me from taking other lives.”

Embry was speechless. He only had to squeeze me harder for me to understand that he was trying to sympathize with me. It couldn’t be easier for him when he first phased, and every other moment from that point on couldn’t be any easier. I had to leave my family behind for their own good. He has to live with who he is; he has to keep the secret from his own mother to protect her while going through her critical and vigilant gaze. She was certainly concerned for her son, but knowing about the shifters would most likely put her in great danger, and Embry could not risk that.

We have long forgotten the pizzas, but I reminded myself that the wolf had to eat, so I forced myself out of his arms. Embry looked upset as if I rejected him. “You MUST eat. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

He nodded and grabbed a few slices, devouring them in under a minute, taking a few more on his plate. I looked amused at him; I never saw anyone eat so much so fast. Within ten minutes, he finished all five pizzas I had baked. He looked proud of himself, a wide smile spread across his face.

“You sure have an appetite!” I laughed at him.

“I could say the same about you.” He grinned back, reminding me of the fact that I did actually kill one mountain lion and about a dozen deer.

“Touché.” I laughed and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up in the air. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we just stayed there, foreheads against each other, eyes studying the other’s soul. He kissed me lightly and I could only feel happiness, my undead heart bursting with love, forgetting about everything and everyone.

Suddenly, my phone rang. We both sighed deeply. “Moment ruined.” I said disappointed, climbing out of Embry’s grip, and unwillingly picking up my phone. It was Alice.

“Alice? What happened?” I was worried. Alice did not just call without any reason.

“(Y/N). The newborns. They are coming earlier than we thought.” Alice was panicking by now.

“What do you mean “earlier”? How much earlier?”

“They may be arriving early in the morning, sometime after the sun has risen.”

“Are you sure? That’s like...” I checked the kitchen clock, it was already 11 pm by now. “...in less than 9 hours!”

“I’m positive. Edward and Bella just left. They will be camping in the mountains, where they had agreed. Jacob will probably be on his way there. The wolves will be getting ready by now. I called Sam. They will be staying away from the reservation tonight, just in case. Is Embry with you?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Okay, good. It will be better if he stayed with you for tonight. The further he is from the reservation right now, the better. The wolves don’t want to risk the safety of their families right now. Only Brady and Collin will stay behind, to make sure everyone back in the reservation is safe.”

“I understand. Thanks for calling, Alice. I’ll see you in the morning. Bye.” I hung up the phone and I turned to look at a shocked Embry, his jaw clenching. “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah.” He sighed deeply. “We’ll manage, (Y/N). Don’t worry. It doesn’t matter if it’s 9, 10, 12, or 15 hours. We’ll be good.”

I nodded. “Yeah.” I paused. “I hope so. Can..Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, whatever you need.”

“Can you communicate with the pack? You can use my phone. Tell them to come here. I have plenty of rooms for them to sleep in.”

He raised his eyebrow. “Are you sure? I mean, that’s kind of you, but, won’t the smell annoy you?”

“The smell will be fine. What matters now is that they are safe. They can’t stay in the woods. They need a good night’s sleep. Please, talk to them.”

“Okay.” Embry took my phone, dialing a number, and waiting for a reply. Finally, somebody picked up, and Embry was talking almost frantically to the other person. About 5 minutes later, he ended the call and gave me my phone back. “They’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“Good. I’ll go get things ready.” I pecked Embry’s lips and ran to turn the heater higher on and get pillows, bedsheets, covers, and blankets for the rooms. I also laid some hair, body, face, and feet towels, in case they wanted to have a bath or a shower.

Apart from my own, the house had four additional rooms that I used as guest rooms. When I bought the house, my thought was that the Cullens may be visiting someday and would like to stay over, so each pair could have their own room. Now, they will accommodate the wolf pack and I was just as happy as if it was family coming over. Well, technically, they were family - they were Embry’s family, so that would likely make me family too? I just hoped they saw me like family.

I finished getting everything ready, spraying some spray freshener around each room and through the corridors, to cover up my own scent. I said I wouldn’t mind their scent, which I wouldn’t, but I didn’t know how my own scent would make them feel, especially when it is spread all over the house. I just wanted them to sleep well, and rest; for tomorrow would be a tough day for all of us. I smelled and heard them quicker than I saw them, and I ran downstairs to stand next to Embry. He took my hand in his own, and we walked towards the door.

Opening the large entrance door, we were greeted by six tired and upset shifters - Sam, Jared, Paul, Quil, Leah, and Seth; though Quil and Seth were a bit happier to be there, compared to the others.

“Hey!” I greeted them, extending my hand to Sam, the Alpha of the pack. He looked at my hand, looked at Embry who nodded, and then, he shook my hand.

“Thank you for having us in your house. I hope we are not intruding.” He was careful with his words, his face serious and stern.

“Of course you are not! Please, do come in.” I motioned them to come further into the house, and they took small steps coming in. I smiled encouragingly. “I have prepared your rooms. Please, follow me.” I walked up the stairs, turning to the left corridor, them following behind.

“Unfortunately, some of you will have to share between you.” I informed them as we were walking through the corridor. “This room is for Sam. As the Alpha, he will be sleeping on his own.” Sam laughed at the others and thanked me. I continued to the next room.

“This room is for Jared and Paul.” Jared and Paul looked at each other and shrugged. “Don’t worry. All the beds are quite big, in case you have restless sleep, or just don’t want to be close to each other.” They barely hold their laughs. I had to admit, they were quite amusing.

“Next, this room is for Quil and Seth.” They turned to each other, and high-fived, smiling widely and howling.

I took them further into the corridor, to the biggest guestroom. “And, this last room is for Leah, to have some privacy away for the guys. I know what it feels like being the only girl surrounded by guys, and honestly, I couldn’t handle being surrounded by boys with extremely high hormones.” I turned to Leah, and I saw her smiling at me, mouthing a “Thank you”. I smiled back at her, I felt for her more than anyone.

“Also, as you may notice later, I have also laid some towels on your beds in case you wanted to have a shower, a bath, or use the jacuzzi.”

“THERE’S A JACUZZI?!” Jared, Quil, and Seth practically screamed. Sam turned to stare at them like how a disappointed parent would stare at his 5-year-olds who were causing trouble. Leah rolled her eyes, disappointed but also kind of expecting that. Paul and Embry couldn’t stop laughing. I tried to keep a straight face, stifling my laugh.

“Yeah, every room has a bathroom, equipped with a toilet, a sink, a shower, a bathtub, and a separate jacuzzi. You are also welcome to go anywhere around the house if you can’t really sleep, or if you feel like it. I don’t have anything prepared if you are hungry, but you may bake and eat anything from the freezer. If you need anything else, feel free to knock on my door or call me on my phone. It is written on the phone catalog, near the phone, on your bedside tables. And my room is across the hall, at the end of the corridor. I will leave you to it now. Have a good night's sleep.” I smiled, and they all said their goodnights, walking towards their rooms.

I took Embry’s hand in mine and led him to my own room. I opened the door, walking into the room. “You will be sleeping here tonight. Hope you don’t mind.” Embry was grinning, a wide smile spread across his face, radiating true happiness. He held me in his arms, squeezing me, his wide smile never leaving his face.

“I wouldn’t mind sleeping on a cement floor if it meant that I slept with you in my arms.”

“I could say the same. If I could sleep at all.” I laughed and he joined me. “Shhh, the others will hear us. I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable or weirded out.”

“They won’t, believe me. I think that you are the first vampire to warm up to them. Pun intended.” He laughed.

I lightly shoved him back, afraid to put too much force on him. “It’s time to sleep, mister. You have a long day ahead of you.”

“Only if you lay in my arms while I sleep.” He lightly swayed me around, as if we were dancing, and walked me towards the bed. He lied down, me sitting on his lap, each of my legs on each side. It was a very intimate moment but I knew that he had to rest well.

“We’ll have plenty of time for that. You now need to rest. Please.” I stroked his head, my fingers running through his thick hair, which shined even under the dim light that came through the windows, from the full moon in the sky. He sighed and I climbed out of his lap and sat on the bed. He took my hand and kissed it, making my insides melt and my eyes slightly stink with venom.

“You promise you will stay with me forever?” He looked me deep in the eyes, a mix of worry and seriousness in his voice. I looked startled but confident in my answer.

“I promise. You are the most important person in my life now. I won’t leave you, ever. But you have to promise you will stay alive tomorrow. For me, for your mom, for the pack, for the tribe.” There was a pause. Nothing was certain for tomorrow; no one knew what would happen, but we could only hope.

“I promise. I won’t leave you like that.” He shot me a small smile and he leaned in to kiss me lightly on the lips. I kissed him back, thinking that it may be our last kiss, but not wanting this thought to come true.

He slowly laid back on the bed, pulling me in his arms, and kissing me on my forehead. We laid there for a few minutes before his breaths started becoming more steady and heavy, indicating that he finally fell asleep. I looked at the beautiful man in front of me. I wished everything was different; that we met under different conditions; that we were free and careless.

“I promise you, when all this ends, I will take you anywhere, show you everything.” I whispered, kissing him on his cheek, him smiling in his sleep.

We talked for what felt like hours; Embry was telling me stories about the pack, their imprints, the shifting, and everything in between. I lifted a dome-like illusion around the house and the surrounding area, in case anyone came too close to us, and I closed my eyes, listening to Embry’s steady heartbeat, as he took deep breaths. This was the happiest I had ever been in my almost 153 years of life. I sank further into Embry’s arms and wished I could stay there forever.

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I didn’t realize how much time had passed until I opened my eyes. I was still in Embry’s arms, and thankfully, he was still asleep and really warm. He was breathing deeply and steadily, his lips slightly parted. I smiled at the sight; he looked so peaceful and pure, I couldn’t imagine him killing vampires. He seemed too good for me, for the world.

However, I couldn’t calm down, too nervous about what was going to happen today. I slipped away from Embry’s embrace, trying not to wake him up. I slowly stood up from the bed and looked at the clock on my bedside table. 3:45 am. Less than 4 hours away from the newborns’ arrival.

I grabbed my phone and ran quietly towards my bedroom door, opening it, and slipping away, trying to go undetected by the wolves who slept across the corridor. I ran down the stairs and out of the house. I fixed my brain on a decision I made on the spot, hoping both Alice and Edward would pick up on my actions.

I was worried we would not be able to realize the exact location of the newborns at all times, so I went out to make sure we had the upper hand in terms of time. That’s what I kept telling myself - the actual reason why I did this was actually more selfish. I wanted to know how many of them we’ll be dealing with; how many I would have to mess up with, mentally or physically. How many vampires I would have to fight off to keep Embry safe.

Alice saw the newborns coming out of the sea in her vision, so that was my lead. I assumed they would travel through the Quilcene Bay, which was right in the middle, between Seattle and our fighting location. The 70 miles that separated my house from the bay were nothing for me. I was mostly motivated by anger and protectiveness towards Embry - I had to know and warn the others.

I reached close to the bay and went up to a higher point, so I could watch everything around me better. I looked at my phone. 4:15 am. That was faster than I expected. I decided I would just sit here and wait. The clearing where the Cullens and the wolves chose for the fight to take place was about 35 miles away, which was still far away from Forks, and close enough to the mountains where Bella, Edward, and Jacob would be staying for the night.

My phone rang unexpectedly. I saw the caller ID. Alice.

“Hey, Alice. What’s going on?” I answered casually.

“(Y/N)! Where are you? Why did you leave your home?”

“Hey! Don’t worry. The wolves are safe.”

“You know I’m not worried about the wolves! Why are you after the newborns?”

“I just want to make sure we have the numbers. I need to make sure, Alice.”

Alice didn’t say anything for a while. “Okay. Just be careful, okay?”

“Okay. I will call you later. Just make sure the wolves are ready. I will break down the illusion when you are near. I’ll probably meet you at the clearing.”

“Okay. Bye, (Y/N).”

“Bye, Alice.” I ended the call and just waited, and waited.

It was almost 5 am, when I saw movement in the water. I leaned closer, trying to be careful to stay out of their way while watching them closely. I knew I would probably be the only one they wouldn’t be able to see, “blinding” their vision if they came close to me.

From Alice’s vision, I remembered about 15 or 20 newborns, but I guessed the number changed during this time. I was now staring at about 30 or 40 newborns, way more than what we expected. It was as if whoever created - I assumed the redhead everyone was talking about - did not just want to take down the Cullens, but the whole town of Forks.

They were walking rather than running, which I thought was odd for newborns, as most of us tend to run all the time at that stage of life. With this speed, they would probably arrive at the clearing in 2 and a half to 3 hours, just like Alice predicted. Hopefully, they would not come across any humans who would, inevitably, become their meal.

I ran away, towards the mountains and the clearing. I would warn the others when I went there, knowing they would have enough time to get prepared.

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floweryavenue · 3 years

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Ugh, so, I don't even know if anyone is actually gonna read this, and I'm not really the one who would participate in fandom very actively (I was always a passive observer, liking other's people content), but the stuff with the leaks of the extra 8 pages of snk ending has been really bothering me for the last few days, and I really need to get a few things off my chest.

I really wanted to wait till 9th June to form my full thoughts. However, since basically all pages have leaked anyway and quite a reliable source confirmed there is basically no additional context to them whatsoever, I decided I might as well write this anyway and vent somewhere to clear my head so I can finally move on with my life to focus on other things I like and with other important irl stuff. Moreover, since Tumblr seems like a reasonably safe space to do so (comparing to one hell of a Twitter...) I might as well do it here. So, let's go.

So, basically, my main problem with those pages is simply that... you just don't do that. No. You don't release an ending, make people think it's really the end, then say you're gonna release a few additional pages that won't change anything but simply clarify some things, and then, two months later, release these pages indeed but not only they don't actually clarify anything, but in fact, create even more plot holes. Furthermore, as a cherry on top, they change the ending quite completely. If those pages had been included in the original release, most people, myself included, would've moved on by now. But noooo, make us go through this hell again. Great :))))

And as for the content of those pages, well... I can't help but feel they really did quite a disservice to Mikasa, one of my favourite female characters ever. My biggest problem isn't even that she 'moved on' (whatever that means at this point, coz I feel like fandom has been successfully managing to butcher that term ever since 139 has dropped) and started a family on her own because I'm fully aware that falling in love again after you first love died is an entirely normal thing irl. But ffs, we're not talking about irl here; we're talking about snk and Mikasa. And the thing that MAINLY bothers me, is the way it has been presented.

I'm not going to delve into the husband's possible identities, 1) I'm not interested at all in participating in any ship wars, 2) because we don't even get to see his face and sources say we indeed don't get any direct confirmation in that regard. Not that this matters anyway, because we get presented with Mikasa on the one hand staring her own family, but on the other, still continuing to visit Eren's grave repeatedly throughout her life and in the end, getting buried with a scarf on, her dearest remembrance of Eren, and maybe even getting buried next to him (even tho, the latter is still not 100% confirmed, bcs here sources are contradictory, but judging by the general mood of those pages, I'd not be surprised at all if it turns out to be the case).

That makes me think the whole family-stuff was used only to present the passage of time and the fact that Mikasa never fully got over Eren, bcs we don't see the family in any other context besides the visits to the grave. And that leads me to my other question - was introducing the family really NECESSARY, then? Couldn't Mikasa simply visit the grave with Armin, and maybe even with Armin, Annie and their kids? Idk about you, but that would make 100% more sense to me. Also, don't get me even started, how much in the wrong way it rubs me that Mikasa, the character who, as we know, always deeply cared about others, even strangers (Gabi, etc.), would just drag her husband, her children and grandchildren to the grave of her first love on which she had written 'my most beloved, my dear'? Do I really need to elaborate on how WEIRD that is?

But I guess that's on me for believing a male author would write a satisfactory conclusion to the main female character (not Mikasa touring around Hizuru, not Mikasa playing with kids at the orphanage, no! Forced family plot, instead! Take that!)

As of Eremika, aka my most cherished paring ever since 2014... I guess the only good thing in that mess is that at least it doesn't invalidate them. If anything, it validates them even more, because the stuff I've mentioned earlier prove their love was eternal and Mikasa never truly got over it. So, all in all, I'm gonna still cherish them forever. There are still many unexplored aspects of their bond, so I believe we, as a community, have a big room to explore (pls, I'm begging you, explore with me all the possibilities of their four years in the cottage in the mountains, I swear, that sh!t has so much potential it's unbelievable).

As of Paradis getting destroyed, well, that leaves me bitter, even though after doing some thinking, that really might be the least out of place thing in those pages. At least according to sources, it happens when Mikasa is already dead, so at least Eren's wish of giving his friends long, secure lives came true. However, that would be it.

And as of titan's power still being there and some kid apparently finding the source of it... this just screams 'sequel-baiting', AND I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. That's it.

To end my definitely too long rambling, I just wanna say, I really would have liked to wait till 9th June to publish my thoughts, but as I've said, those last few days have been driving me crazy and I really wanted just to get all of it off my chest and move on. I want for now to just focus on my irl things, like working on my master's thesis and other stuff giving me joy, like Eurovision next week coming back after 2-years-absence due to pandemic. Eurovision is one of the few things that I love, and I intend on fully enjoying it next week, not sulking on those leaks too much. And if by some completely unexpected miracle I get pleasantly surprised on 9th June (even tho I truly doubt it at this point) - that would be only a win for me, I guess.

Anyway, please remember, all that I have written here is ONLY MY OPINION, and if you disagree with anything, that's valid, you're completely entitled to that. I'm not publishing this to argue with anybody, only to clear my head. That's it.

If anyone has read this too long personal rant of mine - thank you, I'm kissing you on the forehead right now.

Oh, and remember - EREMIKA IS CANON. And always will be (no, that one is not up for discussion).

Also, we have that official High School AU, and Eren right now is quietly snoozing on Mikasa's shoulder during another Twilight marathon she made him to take part in, and Armin and Annie are dissing people together on reddit while bonding over their pretentious taste in music. That's canon, Isayama told me after I had phoned him to ask wtf.

PS To think I was almost sure those extra pages will be about Mikasa's reunion with the rest of the alliance... I guess it's time to put that clown make up on.

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betweenthetimeandsound · 3 years

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Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#140-131)

#140: Lordi -- Hard Rock Hallelujah (Finland 2006)

“You will see the jokers soon'll be the new kings!” I'm semi-convinced that if I heard this song when I was a child, I would've been so scared I would just hide (I also panicked at the cover of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, though that maybe because I didn't want to read such a long book). Watching it for the first time in 2020, I didn't mind it, though the monsters still puts me off. As much as I like to jam to this one, I can’t see myself listening to it over and over again. That said, one can’t take away from the sheer catharsis of this song, from the opening notes to how Lordi gleefully announces their arrival and thunders down Athens with the arockalypse. Whether it’s the first hard rock winner or the last schlager one, Lordi came, saw, and grabbed a first win for Finland after so many attempts, and made rock more popular in Eurovision for a few years. i You can’t resist yourself from headbanging to this one! Personal ranking: 3rd/37 Actual ranking: 1st/24 GF in Athens

#139: Natasha St-Pier -- Je n'ai que mon âme (France 2001)

“Mais je n'ai que mon âme pour te parler de moi, Oh, juste mon âme, mon âme et ma voix,” “But I only have my soul to talk to you about me. Oh, just my soul, my soul and my voice.” By the turn of the millenium, France switched back to contemporary ballads to represent them. While 1999 and 2000's entries didn't do well, their next two would be really strong songs amongst the weakest years ever, and that's why I appreciate France so much in the contest. Initially, I didn’t get it, because it sounded a bit derivative (not unlike what Celine Dion would sing). However, one thing which won me over was with the intro, which provided the base of a really great build. A soft intro leading to a lush instrumental, it shone above the crowd, and it turned from being "derivative" to being "gentle and sincere. Natasha delivers this with equal parts softness and grace, though the English parts did feel a bit out of place in the end. That might have cost it a (deserved) place on the podium, and France would have wait twenty more years for the next medal-placing. Personal ranking: 2nd/23 Actual ranking: 4th/23 in Copenhagen

#138: Lena -- Satellite (Germany 2010)

“I even painted my toenails for you I did it just the other day!"

Whenever you check the comments of any video on this song, you will note a bunch of angry Turkish people who insist MaNga should’ve won 2010. While I really love their song (and will end up later on the list), Satellite was a worthy winner. Along with its commercial success, Satellite is adorable because it is uptempo, sweet, and infectious. Lena acts like she’s having fun on stage and doesn’t even try to pretend. Her accent, which emerged as a result of her English teacher, adds to the charm and her overall innocence. It’s cute, which can turn off some people, but not me--I really embrace it. Also, Arilena Ara made a cover last year for Eurovision Home Concerts, which you should check out! It keeps the poppy vibe, but adds a funky edge to it. Personal ranking: 4th/39 Actual ranking: 1st/25 GF in Oslo

#137: Lazy Bums -- Shir Habatlanim (Israel 1987)

“עושה לי כוס קפה ומדליק לי הסיגריה יוצא אל המרפסת לפצח גרעינים הציפורים יורדות העציצים של המרפסת ומפזמות איתי את שיר הבטלנים” “I make myself a cup of coffee and light a cigarette I go out to the balcony to crack open some seeds The birds come down to the plants of the balcony And sing with me the bums’ song” The Culture Minister threatened to resign when Shir Habatlanim was chosen for the Israeli entry in 1987, but it adds to the charming element to this performance. After a decade in which the Israeli entries pranced around, this was something different, and the two actors really take on the role. The lyrics were a bit silly, but relatable with the bums not seeing the sun because of the buildings and doing random tasks while hanging out with the birds. The Lazy Song before the Lazy Song, I'm starting to think this is the "reality" on playing hooky, whereas "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" is the "expectations" part (and they are really high in the movie). The Blues Brothers-inspired performance ("We're coming to ya--"), combined with Kobi Oshrat's orchestration, makes this otherwise troll song into a comedic masterpiece. It's three minutes of fun and endearment, and I can't help but smile. Personal ranking: 4th/22 Actual ranking: 8th/22 in Brussels

#136: Antique -- (I Would) Die for You (Greece 2001)

"Κάθησα και σκέφτηκα Κι είδα ότι μ’ αγαπάς Μόνο εσύ, μόνο εσύ" "I sat down and thought Realised that you love me Only you, only you" Greece's first top-three placing in Eurovision is thanks to Helena Paparizou and guy whose name we do not know Nikos Panagiotidis, both who were based in Sweden at the time. They were well known for combining Greek instruments and dance beat; Opa Opa (written by Giorgios Alkaios, see #207 for his entry) is a really good example of this! (Thanks again, Nikos Terzis for composing this too) From the opening bouzouki, Die for You establishes a sense of cool; the pop production following it adds a sense of modernity that the 2001 class lacked for the most part. And compared to Je n'ai que mon ame (#139), the switch from Greek to English is absolutely natural. It feels like being in an exclusive club, filled with dim lighting and a very spacy ambience of it all--though the orange in Parken works as well. And despite being nineteen, Helena oozes cool in all the ways. From her sleek hair to her jumpsuit to how she moves, she makes the song her own, for what it's worth. I frequently find myself copying her handography, though sometimes my desk lamp blocks my left hand, making it feel a bit clumsy. Though I don't say this often, either Antique or Natasha should've won in 2001. Personal ranking: 1st/23 Actual ranking: 3rd/23 in Copenhagen Final impressions on 2001: DR tried to go big with 35,000, but everyone went to drink, and it felt like one hundred. The songs at hand tried hard to be cool, though in some places, we were better off in school. On their own, the strings in our hearts remain broke, though when the trophy did, our minds awoke. Despite the ambitions, the contest would make people leave the room. Thankfully, it was better than that of 2002! :) (On another note, of all the years Italy didn't participate in the contest, 1999 and 2001 were the most irritating. Here, Elisa's Luce (tramonti a nord-est) won Sanremo, and it's a surrealistically beautiful indie song with cool lyrics (especially it was originally written in English, and had to be changed to Italian for the contest). Had they competed, I could see a top-five finish for them, and I could see this as an all-time favorite for me.)

#135: Katerine Duska -- Better Love (Greece 2019)

“Won’t you lean on me You can lean on me Let them look, don’t know, don’t care Go deep with me...” She's not Amy Winehouse, she's Katerine Duska! I had a love/hate relationship with this song during the 2019 season. On the one hand, it’s a really good song, with a lush production and sultry vocals from Katerine Duska. The lyrics, while simple, deals with the theme of love in an interesting way--no matter who you are, you deserve a love that suits you.

On the other hand, considering my grudge towards the 2018 contest, I was worried that this may do well and restart the Greek golden age. That feeling amplified when the rehearsals started, when Katerine and co. had this faerie queene aesthetic. It looked absolutely beautiful, with flowers and fantasy and whimsy. And most important, swords (the MV had sabres whereas the live performance had epees.)!

Of course it qualified, but it collapsed in the final and placed 21st in the end. Some people attributed to how "messy" the staging was, along with Katerine's vocals. In hindsight, I could see it with the former, but the latter remained firm, and she aced that high note.

But it was a good change for Greece, showing that they can do indie music as well as pop and ethno. And Katerine's non-Eurovision songs are fantastic; especially check out Autumn Again and Athenian Skies! Personal ranking: 4th/41 Actual ranking: 21st/26 GF in Tel Aviv

#134: Netta -- Toy (Israel 2018)

“Wonder Woman don’t you ever forget You’re divine and he’s about to regret...”

This has been a total phenomenon ever since its release. However, it’s also quite polarizing, with some people really bopping to this one whether it's on the radio or Tik-tok, and others getting repulsed by the chicken noises or the strong message it provided.

For me, it's Toy's "in-your-face' nature which makes it really special. From the first listen, there's the element of surprise with Netta's looping (the MV intro on Spotify >>> regular studio intro). It then builds until Netta announces herself as a "beautiful creature" and that she wasn't going to be bullied by others. While the songwriters definitely used the "Me Too" movement as a vehicle for the song, it's Netta's influence, along with the Mizrahi instrumentation in the chorus, which packs a punch. Without those chicken noises, Toy would fall flat.

The staging had to be worked on several times, but the final result captured the song's kookiness in every way. From the fake looper to the backing dancer's choreography, the following three minutes is an explosion of fun (though some of the energy died on stage on first viewing).

In short, Netta deserved to win, and those who suggest otherwise is just mean.

Personal ranking: 5th/43 Actual ranking: 1st/26 GF in Lisbon

#133: Mariza Koch -- Panagia Mou, Panagia Mou (Greece 1976)

“Κι αν δείτε ερείπια γκρεμισμένα, όι-όι μάνα μ', Δεν θα 'ναι απ' άλλες, απ' άλλες εποχές, Από ναπάλμ θα 'ναι καμένα, όι-όι μάνα μ'…"

“And if you see shattered ruins, oh oh my Mother, It's not from other, from other eras It is burnt by napalm, oh oh my Mother...”

In their second appearance at the Eurovision Song Contest, Greece sends this politically-charged song to criticize the invasion of Cyprus two years before. The Greek military junta at the time wanted to unite the island with mainland Greece, which led to a coup. As a result, the Turkish government invaded Cyprus, and declared the non-recognized Republic of Northern Cyprus. This status remains to this day, which has hindered Turkey's admission to the European Union.

(Interestingly enough, Turkey broadcast this contest despite not participating, and censored the Greek song to replace it with a patriotic song. Haha)

Dark context aside, it ties into the folk tradition during that time, but adds a Greek touch to it with the bouzouki. Combined with thoughtful yet tragic lyrics, it stands out as a darker yet deeper tone from the 1976 contest. Mariza also conveys this with her clear, yet harsh vocals pinpoint the horrors of what was going on. Also, the orchestration adds to the grandeur of this with its lush strings.

Personal ranking: 3rd/18 Actual ranking: 11th/18 in Den Haag

#132: Chocolate, Menta, Mastik -- Emor Shalom (Israel 1976)

בוא, בוא, בוא עוד היום”, אני עוד כאן אז בוא אמור שלום, אמור שלום

“Come, come, come today, I'm still here so come say hello Say hello..”

From one heavily politically charged song to a slightly less so, haha! Emor Shalom is s very playful and cute song, the three girls charm their potential lover (or diplomatic) with their voices and dance moves.

The hidden political context comes from "shalom"--is it hello, or is it peace? When the song was performed, Israel had been independent for thirty years, but their geopolitical relationships were not good with their neighbors. So the three girls, who sung for the military, were not only hoping for a lover, but also for peace.

The song itself incorporates some elements disco with trumpets, which got me into it in the first place. I'm not entirely sure about how the latter works--they are fine, but it does feel a bit cartoonish. While the lyrics are a bit simple, they still add to it.

Personal ranking: 2nd/18 Actual ranking: 6th/18 in Den Haag

#131: Sonja Lumme -- Eläköön elämä (Finland 1985)

“Kaupungissa on yö, puistoon kanssasi jäin Sä seisot edessäin täynnä toivoa” “It’s night in the city, I stayed in the park with you You’re standing in front me full of hope” Top ten anime opening themes, part two!

From the intro until the end, I love how Eläköön elämä progresses. It not only has a sound which matches with music trends (along with those mullets, but it's the 1980s so we can move on about this...), but also has a joie-de-vivre in terms of the lyrics. I've heard about it being connected to the Cold War; considering it was before glasnost, I'd imagine one of the themes here was to enjoy every moment before the world ends.

Ossi Runne's orchestration mixes the punchy pop-rock with some really good strings and brass. An awesome instrumentation and hopeful lyrics, when put together, you’ve got one of Finland’s best ever entries.

Personal ranking: 1st/19 Actual ranking: 9th/19 in Gothenburg

Final impressions on 1985: While Sweden first hosted in 1975, the production ten years later shows their capabilities in putting on a good show. From the graphics to the stage to Lilli's hosting, it's a totally fun experience. The songs were a bit weaker than it, though there were enough gems to keep the mood buzzing. Plus, there were several good orchestral moments there (especially #193) which made it all the better!

#esc top 250 #esc 250 #eurovision song contest #esc finland #esc france #esc germany #esc israel #esc greece #vintage eurovision #three minutes to eternity

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saijspellhart · 4 years

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Things I binged recently:

(Still coping with grief and depression, and one of the ways I tend to do that is just to distract myself from it all with Netflix. Here are some things I watched or tried watching. And my thoughts on them.)

The Office: Hated this show. Which was a shame because I really really enjoyed Parks and Rec, and these shows are supposed to be similar in style. Unfortunately this show is cynical, mean, and pessimistic. Characters get away with being outright racist, sexist, and antagonistic. Are unapologetic about their hurtful actions, and it sickens me. I was told season one was bad, and to watch season two, and I did. And even season two was awful. And I shouldn’t have to slog through three seasons of a show before it gets to a point where it’s like-able and good. If it takes you three seasons to figure it out, then no thanks. That’s a lot of show I have to suffer through before I MIGHT get to something I enjoy. I loved Parks and Rec because the characters loved and cared about each other, had genuine friendships, aspirations, and optimism. They strived to better the world around them, despite many mishaps and obstacles along the way. Parks and Rec was uplifting and sincere, where The Office is cynical and mean. 1/10.

A Whisker Away: Good, although I found the romance between the main character and her crush to be insincere and weak. I think the message of love would have been stronger if the best friend ended up being the one going to rescue her in the end. It never felt like the boy actually had feelings for her, just a begrudging respect and budding friendship. And it felt like his feelings were guilted and coerced by her actions to run away in the end. Like, “shit, I messed up and she ran away from home. Better tell her I love her, so she comes back home.” I understand that wasn’t what they were trying to do in this film, but it’s how the relationship came across. Manipulative. Especially since most of it was one sided, with her spying on his life as a cat. The love someone has for a pet does not equate romantic affection. Excellent movie for the heavy themes, Magic, and story, just think the overall message and relationships should have been overhauled, and worked around. I think the love the main character’s best friend had for her was more pure and powerful that the one-sided obsessive crush she had on the boy. 6/10.

Brand New Animal: Great show. Both my husband and I loved it. And were gushing about it even after we finished it. My only critique is all the heavy handed exposition. It felt clunky, ham-handed, and unnatural. I think with a few more episodes to the show they might have been able to parse out that exposition and find more natural ways to feed the audience that information, rather than huge unsolicited info dumps on the Main Character. Especially since half the time she didn’t earn that info, didn’t need it, didn’t ask, and just plain shouldn’t have been told some of it. Like why would you just spit classified secret information out to a character you know can’t keep secrets, or even follow directions?? Aside from that, solid characters, solid friendships, cute story, lots of interesting events, and just a blast from start to finish. Would highly recommend it to anyone. If you like Zootopia or Beastars, you’ll probably enjoy this too. 8/10.

Japan Sinks 2020: I. LOVED. THIS. SHOW. Omg, it had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I just couldn’t stop watching. It’s in the disaster movie genre. Like Volcano, Dante’s Peak, or The Day After Tomorrow. That “what if this catastrophic natural disaster occurred,” and you follow this group of survivors as they work together to stay alive. And damnit if I wasn’t emotionally invested in every single one of them. I wanted to see them survive, and see how they made it through. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna be able to connect as strongly with their struggle given that it was animated rather than live action. But that didn’t matter at all. The tone is serious, and everything is given the weight and consideration it deserves. The animation style has a realistic tone to it, and the fact that it was an anime never got in the way of the journey and the emotions and the intensity for a second. I felt ALL of it. 10/10.

Unsolved Mysteries Netflix (documentary): I’m a slut for documentaries, all kinds of documentaries. So it’s no surprise I watched this. If you like unsatisfying true stories then this is it. A whole season of unsolved crimes. You get all the information wrapped up and handed to you in a neat little interesting package, and are left to just gnaw on it wondering who did it, and if they’ll ever solve it. One of the episodes isn’t a crime though, it’s a UFO story, which was a weird change of pace and tone from the rest of the season. Still creepy, but in a different way. I liked it, but it can be frustrating when you want answers. It gets an 7/10 because I wanted answers.

Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts: I could watch this show over and over again. My husband and I were foaming at the mouth waiting for season 2, and when it finally released, we gobbled it up and then watched it again right after. Excellent show. Post-Apocalyptic story, where the surface of the earth is overrun with mutant animals, and humans are living underground in “burrows.” The main character Kipo gets separated from her people and stranded on the surface, and has to find a way home. Along the way she makes some human friends, and mutant friends, and connects with people through music. And even learns some deep dark secrets about her Mom and Dad, and even herself. It’s a beautiful story emotionally, but also an exciting adventure. I love it. 10/10.

Eurovision, the Story of Fire Saga: Good. Which is saying something because I’m not a fan of Will Ferrell and he plays one of the main characters in this movie. I enjoyed the movie, and it made me laugh. Which was another surprise because I’m a cold-hearted bitch when it comes to comedy, and most things don’t make me laugh. So when a comedy works for me it’s a surprise. And this comedy worked in places. Not ALL places, but it did get some chuckles and a laugh or two. And I did enjoy the story it told. The movie is about two friends who are musicians/singers that enter singing/performance contest, and the drama that ensues along the way. It’s a cute underdog story. 6/10.

Floor is Lava (game show): The name of the game says it all. Groups of three contestants must navigate rooms using only furniture, and chandeliers, and shit. They can’t touch the floor because the room is flooded with hot orange koolaid. And if they fall in they “die.” Prepare to watch grown ass adults hop, hobble, and flop over furniture, tables, and other obstacles, as they try to get from one side of a room to the other side without falling into the koolaid. It’s exciting, and fun, and although the commentary is awful, the struggle of the contestants more than makes up for it. 8/10.

Splice: Never seen this movie before. Thought I’d give it a try since it just showed up on Netflix. It’s... odd. I’m having a hard time deciding if I loved or hated it. It’s an interesting look into what could happen should we start experimenting with human DNA and other sentient life. And how that could go all kinds of wrong very quickly. I like horror, and this delivered on some of the horror elements, but mostly it just jabs you over and over again with moral dilemmas. And you end up feeling like all the characters in the movie majorly failed each other, and they were all the bad guys. I’ll give it a 5/10 because I’m conflicted whether I liked it or not. But it was worth seeing once.

Ju-on Origins: I’ve seen a couple of the Grudge movies, which is the Americanized version of this horror franchise. But I’ve never seen any of the Ju-on movies. So it was a new experience watching this. It’s non-linear storytelling can be challenging to follow, but the stories it’s telling are fascinating and unnerving. I had to watch it with the shitty English dub because my attention span is too short for subtitles. And this wasn’t just a single movie, it’s a show with an entire first season. Episode 4 was definitely where shit hit the fan, and things got really scary. But I like slow burn horror, so I enjoyed the build up of the previous three episodes, and how they just carefully built on the apprehension and dread until things really got scary in the fourth episode. After that the rest of the show is just a roller coaster of highs and lulls, that leave you wondering where the series is gonna go in season 2. Definitely my favorite installment in the Grudge/Ju-on franchise that I’ve seen so far. And it’s got me curious to check out the other Ju-on movies. 8/10.

The Girl with all the Gifts: I’m a sucker for zombie movies and this was a unique and refreshing take on them. The idea is that the zombie outbreak is caused by a strain of the Cordyceps fungus that ends up infecting humans. And the surviving humans are using children born from infected mothers to try and find a cure for the outbreak. The children are like this functioning hybrid of fungus and human, and not completely lost like the humans who were directly infected. The movie explores the moral dilemma of how the children are treated, and the further of humans. I enjoyed the movie, and the concepts. It was a great addition to the zombie franchise. Would recommend. 7/10.

Abducted in Plain Sight (documentary): another crime documentary. This one dealt with a kidnapper/pedophile who managed to kidnap the same girl twice, and the lasting trauma his actions had on that girl. It was sad, and heartbreaking, and horrifying. If you like crime documentaries and have a steely stomach, check this one out. I won’t give it a rating because it deals with real life stuff and children and it’s not a show.

Evil Genius (documentary): one last documentary on this list. I was on a crime documentary spree. Usually I like animal documentaries. This one was about a couple who masterminded a bank heist by attaching a collar bomb to a man and sending him on a wild goose chase scavenger hunt. There’s also a case about a corpse in a freezer, and how the two cases are connected. It’s absolutely bonkers. Just wow. It’s four episodes long, a mini-series, but just an interesting experience. I mostly watched/listened to this while slowly chipping away at a commission. If you like crime documentaries it’s worth a watch. I give this one a 6/10 because I won’t be watching it a second time, but also because I think the format and how they explained everything was kinda long winded.

#movie recommendation #movie recs #show recommendations #show recs #netflix #netflic recs #netflix recommendations #saijspellhart recommends #reviews #rates #movies #shows

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totaldramafan-lauri · 3 years

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So.....I wasn’t originally gonna share this, but eh.......

On top of Eurovision, I’ve also been really into Friday Night Funkin’ recently thanks to a friend of mine introducing me to it.....and its plethora of popular mods. In particular, there was one mod that caught my attention....a-and....well.....h-hasn’t let it go yet......Mainly there’s this one really cool character that’s been on my mind a lot, so.....

S-so, I uh.....made an OC. A-and....I wrote a profile for her yesterday....

I-I guess I’ll share this, cuz I feel like there.....might be a possibility that I’ll do something with her in the future? Cuz I do have some story ideas.....I-it’s just a matter of finding the confidence to get back into writing.....I-I dunno if it’ll happen, but it might.

I-it’s kinda....embarrassing, tho....I-it’s been a while since I’ve made an OC purely to be a....well, simp, but here we are.....>//////>

(Also, the picture below is NOT drawn by me. I’m not an artist. It was drawn by the same friend.)

Name: Lina (she doesn't remember her last name...or her original first name for that matter) Height: 5'2" Quotes: "I-I'm sorry!" "Ms. Sarvente would know what to do...." "I hope I don't forget what happened today..." "D-don't look, please..." "W-were you listening? O-oh gosh- uh-" Age: In the 20s range Eye Color: White (in another art style, her eyes would be purple) Hair: Black, waist-length, pretty thick, and usually pretty messy due to her not having the energy to brush it all (she usually makes some kind of effort before going to the church, but it's not a lot) Build(Body Type/Shape/Any Scars Or Markings): Pretty thin. Not stick thin, though, as she does have curves and a pretty decent chest size (that she hides under her sweatshirt most of the time), but she's still pretty thin. She doesn't eat as much as she should. Normal Outfit(The clothes they most commonly wear): A baggy baby blue sweatshirt with a simple sleeveless pink dress underneath, and a matching pink scarf. Knee-high white socks and baby blue slip-on shoes. When it's really warm out, or when she's lounging at home, she'll take off the sweatshirt and scarf and just wear her dress, but most of the time she likes being covered. It makes her feel safe. General Personality: Lina is a very timid, shy woman who is scared of opening up and spilling her feelings out to people, not wanting to be a burden. She has really bad social anxiety, but attempts to be kind and polite to people, even with her lack of experience in social situations. She's always carrying a notebook with her, writing in it frequently. Most of the time, she's very quiet, but when she gets riled up or excited about something, she can talk more than you think. However, she has a tendency to stutter and stumble over her words a lot, especially when anxious or flustered. Her anxiety is bad enough that she hates asking people for things and is scared to draw too much attention to herself (due to awkward experiences with her roommate). She looks up to Sarvente and wishes she could be like her, and loves helping her whenever she can, liking the feeling of being useful (and, although she'll never admit it, to catch glimpses of Ruv). In her writing, she shows a more poetic, hopeless romantic side to her that she's too embarrassed to share, spilling it out into the lyrics she writes. She also uses her writing to vent the feelings she's too terrified to share with the world - her infatuation with Ruv, her feelings of jealousy towards Sarvente, her want and desire to become someone she can never be. She hates her feelings, and she's scared of her feelings.... Other random facts: -Lina is so bothered by her unknown past that she's absolutely terrified of forgetting things. This is the reason why she kept carrying around notebooks. She's been doing this for so long that if she's ever separated from her current notebook, she'll have an anxiety attack. -She's currently unemployed, but is able to continue living with her roommate as long as she takes care of the house. She's flat broke most of the time, only being leant money for her writing, so she doesn't have a phone. She only eats when her roommate does, but on the rare occasion she has extra money, she'll treat herself. -Like all FNF characters, Lina is musically talented - she writes songs (although she hasn't shared them), and she can sing decently well. She's scared of singing in front of others, but does it to herself all the time. However, she has very little experience with RAPPING specifically, making her a pretty easy opponent. -Her favorite colors are pastels, especially blues and pinks. -Besides going to the church on Sunday, she doesn't have much of a schedule, mainly just being alone in the house on most days. -She has a MAJOR weakness for cats. If she sees a cat, she'll immediately go to watch or pet it. Cats are the easiest way to make her smile. -She's normally pretty clumsy, and not physically strong at ALL. She can handle housework just fine, but not heavy lifting. She also can't cook at ALL. Please help her, the woman's a mess -Despite attending church, she's mostly agnostic. She mainly goes just to hang in the back of a side isle and watch Sarvente and Ruv. -Lina doesn't know that Sarvente is a demon, seeing her as a normal nun like the rest of the public. She's also unaware that Ruv is a criminal. -While she's talked with Sarv, she's never spoken directly to Ruv, being too nervous to. He's looked at her a few times, and that's been enough to send her into a frenzy. Likes: Music, writing, feeling useful, inspiration, being at the church, seeing Ruv, when people are nice to her, cats, pastel colors, sunny days, the rare times she's proud of something she wrote, pizza (she associates it with her roommate being nice to her, so it's her favorite food) Dislikes: Forgetting things, being put on the spot, loud noises (like thunder), large crowds, asking for things, being seen crying, when people ask to see her writing, whenever she feels jealous of Sarvente, embarrassing herself in front of Ruv, her body Powers/Skills: No powers. She's a normal human. Skills, however....she can write poetry and music, she can sing, and she's a pretty smart thinker when she's not stressed. Weapons: None Backstory: Lina was found at the site of a horrible accident by the person who would become her roommate, who felt sorry for her and took her in. She had no memory of her life before the accident, being left a scared woman with no past...a blank slate.

At first, she was a wreck, understandably. She tried desperately to remember her past, but nothing worked. Even as she settled into her new life, the fact that she couldn't remember who she was ate away at her day in and day out. Feeling sorry for her, her roommate gave her a notebook to make notes in. Lina found that that helped a lot, and discovered how much she loved writing.

Over time, her roommate started becoming apathetic toward the little "freeloader", and a deal was made so that she could continue living with them until she could somehow get a job: she was to clean and watch the tiny house while they were away at work. She didn't mind this deal since it made her feel less guilty. During her free time, Lina also discovered her love of music, and began singing to herself while alone.

She eventually accepted the fact that she may never remember her past, but at least she can try her hardest to make sure she never forgets again. She began carrying a notebook with her wherever she went, and continues to store all her old notebooks in her room. She never throws any page away.

She records everything: her thoughts, her plans, everything noteworthy that happens to her, and every lyric she thinks of. She finds it relaxing to spill her heart onto the pages, so no one will ever hear her say them....this is especially true after she meets THEM. After meeting Sarvente one day, Lina is invited to join a church. She's unsure at first, but decides to go. And that's where it all began....she met Ruv (well...more like she saw him talking to Sarv), and immediately took to him. Tall, stoic, intimidating...and yet, Lina could see a softness in him whenever he was with Sarvente. She wished she could meet someone like that....someone strong, who could protect her and keep her safe...

And over time, she realized that she couldn't get him off her mind. As if...she was fixated on him. She found herself writing about him a lot. And then she realized that she was very rapidly developing a crush on the man. Being unable to remember what a crush feels like, it was a lot to adjust to at once, but she found herself really liking the feeling....that is, until she realized that she could never hope to achieve the same closeness to him that Sarvente has. She wished she was like Sarvente....

...She realized that she had become jealous of someone who had only ever been kind to her. And she hated it. So, Lina hid her feelings away once again.

Currently, Lina visits the church every week. She's always the first to arrive, and the last to leave. Even when people come and go, she always sits in the back of one of the side isles, writing away in her notebook. She simply likes the feeling of being in the church. The safe atmosphere, Sarvente's kindness, and the possibility of seeing HIM. Sarvente has noticed how long Lina stays for, and sometimes asks her for volunteer work, which she's happy to provide. However, although Sarvente is happy to have a regular visitor, she also doesn't take Lina very seriously, talking to her as if she was a child due to her appearance (if she HAS caught on to Lina's crush on Ruv, she hasn't said anything because of this). "Oh, little Lina, you're so cute!" Lina doesn't mind the headpats and squeals, but has a hard time believing that she's "cute" in any way. Lina looks up to Sarvente, treating her with a lot of respect, calling her "Ms. Sarvente". Sarvente calls Lina "little Lina". Lina likes helping out, but...she also often feels insecure and inadequate due to constantly comparing herself to Sarvente.

One day, after the church closes and Lina is on her way out the door, she runs into someone who Sarvente had a recent tussle with...a guy with blue hair.

(There she is, the tiny pastel nerd.....seriouslyIlovethispiceeeeeeeeebigthankstomyfriendfordesigningheroutfit)

#friday night funkin #friday night funkin oc #mid fight masses oc #she scribble #she a mess #wow what a simp #cringe culture is dead #and zavodila killed it #(seriously im sorry if you read this fcgbfchncfghxgch)

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homohtunut · 3 years

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How I, a person with zero experience but a lot of opinions would stage Eurovision 2021 pt 6/10

It's Sunday so I guess it's time for my weekly Eurovision spam, I think this and the next part are the ones I have the least ideas for but here we go with rest of the 2nd semifinal's first half

Austria

Okay so ballads are not easy to stage and I have very few ideas for this one

I liked the crow in the video, I hope they bring that cute lil bird back maybe on a led screen or something

The white lights could work for this but maybe adding some color in the last chorus, red or yellow perhaps, but I think this is few of the ones who could pull off the all black&white performance this year

Because the song is sad and about funeral I think the all-black suit works very well for it

When it comes to staging itself, I liked the little bit of claustrophobic theme the video had so I wouls either try to recreate that (maybe with same kind of staging like Azerbaijan had in 2018) OR then just do something with the led screen

Poland

Okay so the music video already has a solid concept I would work from that with all the neon signs, dancers and the choreography, if I wanted to go REAL big I would let him drive that car to the stage in the begining of the performance

So the outfits for the men are good but I would prefer if they were more colorful like for example neon yellow, the ones the ladies have are good as they are (mostly because I'm a sucker for women in suits)

So as I already mentioned the neon signs in the video are a must, when it comes to actual color of the lights someone might think that this could just use every single color of the rainbow and be fine but I don't think so, it needs a little bit of class and that's why I would work with three color combo: Pink, yellow and green, MAYBE orange, no shades of blue work with this and neither does red, so pretty free hands as long as they leave blue and red shades (aside from pink) alone

Moldova

My idea is simple: I want to get sugar high just from watching this song being performed

So the dilema here is that I love the dancers in black clothes in the music video with their dance moves but I also love the walking ice cream cones and since Eurovision only allows six people on stage I'll have to settle with the normal dancers, and they better keep those dance moves

So the dancers' clothes are dealt with and when it comes to Natalia's ones I don't care what she's wearing but I hope it's the same shade of cyan what she's wearing in the video because it works very well with pink

So the stage, I want a lot of props to make the stage look like candyland, color scheme for the lights would be pink pink pink with a hint of cyan and I think that's all we need for my sugar high

Iceland

When the live video came out I was thinking they shouldn't touch anything and that they should just bring that to a bigger stage but then I saw what they did in the music video and DAMN, THEY ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE EVERYTHING

Firstly, the outfits are iconic and I was happy when they brought those sweaters back in the live performance (and thank you for Iceland for having them perform live in the first place) but then the music video came out and the upgrade they did for the outfits is perfect!!! They're still iconic but like upgraded version of that iconic!!! So I either hope they bring those upgraded outfits to stage or somehow upgrade them even more

I would love to see the monsterfight from the mv to happen behind them on screen but I want it to look even more low-budgety that it did in the video, I don't want it to be aknwoledged any way, I just want them to play while these two very cheap-looking giant monsters fight in the background

The choreo they have in the live is perfect but if they have ways to upgrade it, I don't mind at all since their outfit upgrade worked so well

The stage itself should be empty because we already saw last year how well the band can fill the stage with their stage presense alone, I would pay extra attention to the lightshow to create that good 80s atmosphere, that same green they have in the sweaters mixed with orange would be a good color combo, this is nearly Eurovision-ready performance even though they haven't even played this song on an Eurovision-level stage yet

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hannawatchesesc · 4 years

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So hi! I wrote that rant few days ago, and decided to watch Eurovision: The Story of Fire Saga just for… fun(???) This is my edited live reactions, and serious not spoiler free nit picking.

Here you go, so you don't have to watch it. These are in the order of appearances.

This is made with EBU???

Why the fuck Americans cannot play Europeans without terrible accents

Not really sure if Iceland has this terrible electric grid? If the power will cut if you use two keyboards and disco lights, maybe you should be worried about your infrastructure…

Picturing Icelanders as wool/fur dressing people living in the 1950’s, seriously.

Yep, for sure the Nordic way of life, living with your parents as 50-year-old.

I think these names aren't Icelandic

Iceland: whales, wool, fur, knitting, Vikings, glaciers, and icebergs. Elves. Lava fields. Northern Lights. So many jokes about being relatives and everyone knowing everyone.

I think only thing they forgot is Blue Lagoon and the football chant.

The after recording of the dialogue is terrible????

Ja Ja Ding Dong is really kinda good. It should have been in Icelandic, and it could have been "the iconic national winner which never qualified for finals, but everyone back home loves”.

What is that 1950’s buss? This movie makes Iceland seems like a third world country, not the 16TH RICHEST in the world based on GDP per Population.

People not caring about national final…

I'm going to die of second hand embarrassment.

I don’t understand this “Iceland is in the middle of nowhere, so they have never seen modern stuff” narrative. I’m surprise they didn’t travel to Scotland in Viking ship.

Like Icelandic people, have you seen minifridge and hotels before? Based on this movie, you haven’t.

There aren’t any pre-Eurovision things at all for performers.

Oh god I hate these accents.

Why they talk like toddlers all the time? It's like adult people in Europe don’t use adult vocabulary when speaking English. (Like, they just used word "club dancing"?)

I feel like this Russian song isn't really the song Russia would send...

I see the homophobia commentary, but he is so stereotypical Russian oligarch type of character.

Pls. Shouldn't there be a little more people in rehearsal? Press and audience maybe?

They haven't rehearsed at all? Have they sat at home for two three months doing nothing?

They just casually decided remix their song and start rehearsing it DAYS before semifinal.

No costumes, no staging, no choreography?

"Everyone hates UK so zero points" à THEY EVEN MADE A JOKE ABOUT THIS, AND STILL ESC IS HELD IN UK

I think Iceland has champagne glasses.

How they don’t know other competitors? Lars is supposed to be ESC superfan.

I this sing along part was kinda fun.

In the bigger context just a fan service kind of feeling, like “see, these people are legendary right, here you go, have Alexander Rybak for like 5 seconds.”

And why they started it with Madonna and Cher? Very Eurovision related. Not at all used for Americans to understand even something. How about using ABBA and Celine Dion if you wanted something familiar for US audience?

Think how amazing this could have been if they would have talked their own languages!

Mark "second hand embarrassment" as my cause of death.

These American tourists are like one jab on Americans, and rest of it is making fun of Europeans being mean to them.

This movie is sooooo slow

Why Scottish hosts are from Eastern Europe?

As a Finn I'm not going to accept that cheap copy of Lordi was representing Belarus, mixed with 2015 Belarus???

And as a Finn I can say for sure Wonderfour would never qualify from our National Final.

Didn't they read the rule book first? Anyone? I think you can find it in PDF in Google (you can)

The staging is so underwhelming. And this audience wtf?

As if they wouldn't stop the music when performer could be hurt.

I think it's almost insulting to say, that audience would laugh at anyone in Eurovision.

Lars is super selfish all. The. Time.

Nobody checked if they were alright after that accident.

This voting system? Spain, Italy, UK, Germany performing? Too many performers on stage? I though Finland was in this semi, but hey, I think they just guess starred and never made it to voting part even though they performed.

Did the Icelandic delegation just leave Sigrid alone in the green room?

How the fuck this movie can lasts 2 hours?

Now Switzerland and France are giving points, and they are not in this semi?

Russia was one of the countries in the scores, but he said that he wasn't performing in this semi?

He is going to die to hypothermia before reaching the shore. Water is super cold if they are dressed like that.

Aand after saying that. Why they are dressed like that? It's supposed to be May? They were dressed like in the middle of winter when they were in Scotland. Even Northern Europe has spring in May.

Where are modulations? Wind Machine? Pyrotechnics?

How Finland is now in on final, when they didn't qualify from the semi WHERE THEY PERFORMED? Or where they moved to another semi? Was firs SF overbooked?

I don't know if this final confession would be allowed in Eurovision

And suddenly they changed the song?

Thank you, Graham Norton, for pointing them being disqualified.

So they had rulebook after all.

And everyone is like well this super basic ballad is so touching. I can most definitely name 50 similar songs

Language change, why.

Also, this movie had one ballad. That is the most unrealistic thing.

End thoughts

This whole movie seems like unnecessary prolonged version of this America Is So Winning Eurovision Next Year from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. I can't even choose which one is more offensive.

Out of all European countries they chose Iceland and Greece (super popular tourist destinations), Russia (well you know US-Russia relations) and UK to be the center of the story. I guess it could have been Germany and France instead of Iceland and Greece to be more even more obviously “European”

Making the semi look at least somewhat correct could have been so easy. How it is even possible to mess that up so badly.

ALL EUROPEANS HAVE VERY STRONG ACCENTS!

Here is actor from UK, Sweden, and Greece! And all these Icelandic extras. Europeans!

Can we talk how problematic is the fact that 1) Will Farrell is 10 years older than Rachel McAdams (why Hollywood cannot cast actors that are same age and equally attractive?), 2) TWO attractive female characters are all over him like he’s the most amazing, charismatic and beautiful man in the Europe, 3) This movie isn’t passing Bechdel test

All the dick/incest/fart jokes are super American type of humour.

#euroviisut #eurovision #esc #eurovision song contest #esc 2020 #eurovision 2020 #eurovision: the story of fire saga #will farrell #rachel mcadams #txt #rant #ranting #rant.txt #vittu #vittu mitä paskaa #liveblog #live reaction

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crinkle-eyed-boo · 4 years

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Digging Deeper Meme

Tagged by the lovely @homosociallyyours @a-brighter-yellow and @disgruntledkittenface ...thank you my bbs. Let’s do this!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? Usually black, and it has to be like an INK pen that flows easily. No Bic pens or any of that shit.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? I’m a city girl.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I’d become fluent in other languages. I took Latin in high school and was VERY good at it, but I was shit at Spanish when I took it in college. (I also think I had a bad teacher, but that’s neither here nor there)

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? At Starbucks, half and half with sweet and low (I KNOW IT’S BAD FOR ME, I WAS BROUGHT UP ON IT.) At home, I usually have a flavored creamer and a splenda. (THE DICHOTOMY OF ME.)

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Babysitters Club books, The Little House on the Prairie Books (On the Banks of Plum Creek was my fave)

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers. I DREAM of having a big ass tub some day though.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? A Fairy

8. Paper or electronic books? I used to be die hard paper only, but it’s HARD in a tiny apartment, so now I am more of an e-book person.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Any one of my nice dresses.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I spent way too much time practicing my autograph instead of paying attention in math class to EVER change my name.

11. Who is a mentor to you? I always think of my first boss in NY as one. He took a chance on a kid who showed a compulsive obsession with box office results and gave me a job and took the time to teach me.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? Being a famous writer offers enough anonymity to still keep your life but have money!

13. Are you a restless sleeper? I can be, yes.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? A romantic with a heavy dose of cynicism because my romantic LIFE has been nothing but trash.

15. Which element best represents you? Fire, I think. When I care about things, it’s often all consuming.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? I wish I were closer to my sisters, but a lot of times, it’s like the three of us speak completely different languages.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? I miss my friends and I miss my city.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. It’s not early childhood, per se, but it was the 80s and much more innocent time, because my parents would leave me and my sisters in kiddie movie and THEY would go see a movie for grown-ups. I remember sneaking into their theatre after ours was done, to tell them our movie was done. The movie was Dirty Dancing, and I stood in the back for the entire final dance, captivated. I was 8.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Nothing is REALLY coming to mind.

20. What are you most thankful for? Right now? My health and my dog.

21. Do you like spicy food? Moderately spicy, yes!

22. Have you ever met someone famous? When you live in New York and work for a long time in the entertainment industry, it’s inevitable. Add in fandom things, and I’ve met many many. I still think Joel McHale may be my favorite, if only for the fact that he stood and talked to us for almost 20 minutes after doing a stand-up show.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? I’ve never had the discipline.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Always a pen!

25. What is your star sign? Sagittarius, Taurus rising. I am, in a word, a mess.

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? A little bit of crunch. Though I am not really a cereal person.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? That I loved people (and things) fiercely and well. That I was loyal. And that I wrote some good words on occasion.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I DO. I have ALWAYS been a reader. As far as BOOK books, I don’t remember because I read so. much. fic. The last one being @twopoppies LOVELY artist fic, which was so awesome to read after writing Artist!Harry myself. And it just showed me why people shouldn’t worry if someone else is writing the same trope as you, because TRULY they all come out different and equally wonderful because different people glean different things from the same trope.

29. How do you show someone you love them? There are few things that thrill me more than finding the perfect present for someone.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yes

31. What are you afraid of? Snakes. Tornados. Fire.

32. What is your favourite scent? Coconut

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? Usually when I first meet them it’s surname

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? Like Sage said, I would see every single Broadway show. I would get a nice apartment with my dream kitchen. I’d follow my fave artists on tour. And then, eventually, I would fuck off and go live in New Zealand.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools. I hate sand.

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? TREAT YO SELF. I’d probably take myself to a nice meal.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Yes.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I don’t plan on having kids of my own, so it is my duty as an aunt to make sure they are properly exposed to pop culture.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I’ve been dying to get part of the pattern of the old carpet at the LAX Marriott, where Gallifrey One is held, tattooed on my inner ankle for 18 months now. Fucking pandemic.

40. What can you hear now? Supermarket Sweep on Netflix

41. Where do you feel the safest? In a puppy pile with my friends

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My BODY ISSUES and disordered eating.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? The 50s - summer of 1963

44. What is your most used emoji? Currently, it’s the head exploding emoji

45. Describe yourself using one word. Passionate.

46. What do you regret the most? Not loving past me more.

47. Last movie you saw? Eurovision. A JOY.

48. Last tv show you watched? Supermarket Sweep.

49. Invent a word and its meaning. TOO TIRED FOR THAT.

Tagging @beau-soleil-louis @queenofquiet17 @sweetstrawberryheadache if you want a thing to do!!

#me!#this took ages!#worth it!

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agentsandbutterflies · 4 years

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The Kilt Collection, part 2

Kilts are actually being worn this time! Or kilt, singular, at least. The rest are worn off-screen.

You can find part 1 here, or all of it on AO3, but you really don’t need the first to read this one. Enjoy!

-x-

Harry has seen Merlin in a kilt a lot. Most of the times have been in pictures, granted, but still, more than he can count. He has even seen him in a Great kilt a handful of times. He hasn’t, however, seen him put one on.

Until now.

Merlin’s on the floor, on all fours, on a huge piece of fabric, wearing only a pair of shorts. Harry recognises the pattern -- tartan, tartan, tartan -- as his mother’s but decides to not focus on that particular detail. Merlin sits back on his heels, looking somewhere between bothered and busted when Harry comes into the room.

They are staying with Merlin’s older brother in Fort William. It’s the third time Harry is in Scotland, the first time in Merlin’s hometown. Being here is, perhaps not weird, but taxing. For starters there’s Merlin’s family -- even though his siblings are beginning to come around to the idea of Merlin living with a man -- but then there are all small things that differ in so many ways from what Harry’s used to and the fact that he feels like an outsider as soon as he opens his mouth… it’s exhausting. He wonders if this is how Merlin feels all the time in London.

“Everything okay? Do you need something?” Merlin asks, reaching for Harry’s hand.

Harry takes his hand with a smile. “No, I just… No, everything’s okay.”

“Then if you’ll excuse me,” says Merlin, squeezing his hand before going back to folding the fabric. It goes quickly, if a bit hesitantly. Clearly, a long-since practised skill.

Harry sits down on the bed and watches, fascinated. When Merlin’s done, he sits back on his heels and holds out his hand again, this time to point at the belt on the bed next to Harry.

“Can you hand me the… Thank you.”

He drags the belt underneath the massive amount of fabric before he stands up and looks at Harry.

Harry frowns, amused. “What?”

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Like what?”

“I’m… not sure. Something.”

“Well, I’ve figured out the real mystery of the kilt years ago, so I don’t know what else there is to say?”

“I don’t know.”

“Would it make you feel better if I made a skirt joke?”

“Heh…”

“Do I need to change?” Harry asks instead.

“No, you’re fine. It’s just a thing. We, well, drink beer and wear kilts, it’s what we do, so… We don’t impose it others. Only the beer.”

“How manly of you,” says Harry, a smile teasing at the corner of his mouth. They are going to meet Merlin’s rugby mates from school tonight. Two, three times each year ‘the unruly clan’, as Merlin calls them, meet for a weekend, but this is the first time Merlin’s asked Harry to come with him. To say that Harry’s nervous at the prospect of finally meeting all of Merlin’s childhood friends is an understatement.

“You think it’s strange,” says Merlin, somewhat embarrassed.

“I’m in no position to judge what anyone does with their mates from school.”

“True,” says Merlin, laughing. Harry meets his Eton friends at least once a year to fence with plastic lightsabres and he and his friends from Cambridge have a standing Eurovision Song Contest party in May every year. And then, of course, is the ‘fox hunt’ that Merlin still hasn’t been invited to because they both have agreed that he doesn’t want to come near it.

“The shirt,” Merlin says, pointing again at the bed next to Harry.

Harry takes it and throws it at him. “I feel like the worst valet in the world.”

“It’s for your other services in the bedroom I keep you around, Mr Hart.”

Merlin pulls the white linen shirt over his head. It falls loosely down to half his thighs. Then, without any thought of the matter, Merlin takes off his shorts and pants and throws them on the bed. Harry can’t help giggling.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” says Harry. “It’s just… well you know…”

“Mhm.” Merlin leans down to give Harry a quick kiss. “Prudish sassenach.”

“I’m not prudish! But you’re dressed like Donald Bloody Duck!”

Merlin makes a face. “That’s the least sexy thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Chester’s come-rag.”

“You don’t want to have sex ever again, do you?” says Merlin as he sits down on the folded fabric.

Harry laughs. He leans back a little to get a peek under the shirt as Merlin lies down on his back. With a few quick movements, Merlin has covered himself up completely and fastens the belt around his waist. He gets up and folds in the fabric in the front, tucking it in the belt behind him.

“You can fit a six-pack in this,” says Merlin flapping what has magically become a pocket and walks over to his bag. He roams around in it for a bit before finding a very wore sporran and the kilt pin Harry gave him at their impromptu engagement. He puts on the sporran and fastens the butterfly pin at the inside of one of the pockets. Harry is touched, because he’s fairly sure there shouldn’t be a pin on this ensemble.

Merlin brushes off some dust from the floor, looking down at himself, turning to see how the folds look and shrugs in a that-will-do kind of way. Harry watches, absolutely amazed and strangely moved by the sight.

“Come, let’s fill this one with beer!” says Merlin happily, ruining whatever illusions or fantasies Harry had of proud traditions and broody, dirty highlander rebels and replacing them with the feelings of friendship, community and happiness that live in this garment for Merlin.

And it’s an image he much rather have to be honest.

-x-

Merlin bumps Harry’s shoulder with his own as they walk through Fort William in the warm summer night. “Ye’re not listening, are ye?”

“Only because I don’t understand half the sounds coming out of your mouth.”

“Sassenach...” says Merlin, grinning from ear to ear. His accent is so thick after an evening with his mates -- and their families -- that Harry honestly have trouble understanding him at times. Or maybe it’s just the beer. Either way, the beer doesn’t help.

“So you know,” says Harry to change the subject, “I got three ‘if you hurt him, we’ll kill you’-speeches tonight.”

Merlin giggles. “I’d like to see them try.”

“They won’t have to, I won’t hurt you.”

“I’d like to see them try anyway,” Merlin says. “Who said it?”

“Alex, Garrett, and Ned.”

“Hm. Ned might actually be able to take ye.”

Harry raises his eyebrows. “I’m a highly trained spy, he’s a math teacher.”

Merlin laughs. Harry can’t remember ever seeing Merlin this happy, but more importantly is that after tonight he knows Merlin has people who accepts him for who he is and loves him unconditionally. Honestly, nothing could have made Harry happier than being threatened for the sake of tradition by intoxicated suburban highlanders. Because they care. About Merlin. And they want Harry to know that they do and that they will be around.

Merlin has a family, a real one, with miss-matched tartans, weird drinking games, and weirder inside jokes, who have each other’s backs. It’s a relief after having only met his parents and siblings before.

Merlin takes his hand and Harry’s heart skips a beat. He’s been trying very hard to let Merlin set the level of their public display of affection since they arrived in Scotland but he misses it. Especially tonight with all the girlfriends and wives there, casually just… touching their partners.

So now when Merlin starts, he can’t help asking. “Can I kiss you?”

Merlin slows down, but doesn’t stop. “What?”

“I want to kiss you,” says Harry, as if it’s something he needs to explain. “Can I?”

Merlin does a quick scan of the street. It hurts like a knife to the gut -- Harry knows, he’s tried the real thing -- because Merlin doesn’t do that in London, but before the feeling has subsided, Merlin puts his hand behind Harry’s neck and kisses him. Fiercely.

Harry’s world is spinning by the end of it.

And that’s not just the beer.

Part 3

#kingsman #merlahad #merlin (kingsman)#harry hart #merlin #harry #my tumblr fics #the kilt collection

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loca-over-luca · 5 years

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quiet, please.

prompt: the library's pretty empty save for you and me and OH! that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

Lucas ran his fingers through his hair as he tried for the nth time that day to understand the material in front of him. Finals were looming, and by looming he meant in a couple of days, and he really needed to concentrate.

If only the couple making out in the shelves near him can take a fucking breather and maybe try harder to muffle their moans so they can stop distracting him.

He took a deep breath and tried to read the same paragraph he’d been trying to understand for half an hour already.

“Oh baby…”

‘Fuck this,’ he thought exasperatedly, shutting his book closed with a firm snap. He stood up, hoisted his backpack over his shoulder and looked around the library to find a spot where he can move to without moans and wet kisses as his background noise. Thank God the library was empty, save for Lucas, the couple getting it on in the stacks and simultaneously getting on his nerves and one other guy on the other side of the room, near the windows. He looked familiar but Lucas couldn’t be bothered to try and figure out who it was.

He walked over to his chosen spot and dropped his things unceremoniously on the desk. He winced slightly as the noise of his book’s spine hitting the wooden table echoed through the library. Lucas furtively looked at the other guy, ready to apologize but found him still hunched over, lost in his own little world. 'Good for him,' he thought with a little bit of bitterness.

He shrugged and proceeded to open his Biology book, ready to continue where he left off. After a few minutes, Lucas was finally engrossed on what he's reading and thank fuck, he's finally starting to understand what Imane was trying to explain to him earlier during class, when he heard it again.

“I've missed you so much, baby.”

“Are you kidding me,” Lucas muttered under his breath. “Get a room, for crying out loud. Really? In the library? Of all places? While I’m trying to study? I could be out with Yann and the boys, partying, but noooo, the one time I actually chose to be responsible, the universe just. Wouldn’t. Let. Me. Why universe, whyyyy?” Lucas continued his rant, each word punctuatedd by a thump of his head against the desk.

“Hey, are you okay?”

'No, I am not. I am stressed as fuck but nobody cares, certainly not the two lovebirds who clearly missed each other a little too much and couldn’t be bothered to get a fucking room. So, no, I am not okay –' Lucas continued his internal monologue when he made the mistake of looking up and saw who was talking to him, which caused him to inadvertently repeat what he uttered out earlier, “Are you kidding me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry. No. Yeah. I’m fine,” Lucas said, once he finally got his bearings. He coughed slightly, to cover up his embarrassment of being caught talking to himself. Yup. That’s why his ears are turning bright pink. Certainly not because Eliott fucking Demaury was talking to him. Nope.

‘Stay cool, Lucas. Stay cool,’ he coached himself as he struggled to remain composed under his crush’s curious scrutiny.

“So, you come here often?” He internally cringed the moment the words were out of his mouth. “I meant, what are you doing here?” Lucas cleared his throat, trying his very best to regain some semblance of control over his brain and his mouth.

“Same as you,” Eliott answered, tilting his head towards Lucas’ stack of text books on the desk. “Cramming for finals.”

“I am not cramming,” Lucas replied defensively. “There’s just a lot of material that I need to review by Friday so I am studying with determination, not cramming, thank you very much.”

“That is the definition of cramming, Lucas,” Eliott said, his eyes dancing in amusement as he smiled at the other boy. Whatever information Lucas had absorbed earlier flew right out the window at the sight of Eliott’s smile and the sound of his name on Eliott’s lips.

“Uhm,” Lucas responded helpfully. His brain still hadn’t computed how he got into this situation. One minute he was ranting at the universe and the next minute, said universe threw him a curveball in the form of the boy he’s been crushing on since orientation day of his freshman year. They've met at numerous parties before and Lucas would like to think they're acquaintances but it would be too presumptuous of him to say they're actually friends. He wished they were, actually being more than friends would be ideal in Lucas' opinion, but not once did he gather up the courage to actually ask Eliott out.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I was just about to leave but then I saw you… doing whatever it was you were doing.”

“Yes, I’m fine. Like I said, I was studying or at least, trying to but I keep getting distracted by-”

A loud groan echoed through the library followed by the sound of two people kissing. Enthusiastically.

Eliott's eyes widened in surprise, his eyebrows rose a notch as he heard the unmistakable sounds that scream 'hot and heavy make out session' coming from behind the shelves.

"-that," Lucas finished, hanging his head in defeat. Under other circumstances, he would’ve laughed out loud at Eliott’s scandalized expression but he was so done. At this rate, he'd just have to make do and study at the flat even though he knew Mika would be there right now. His roommate specifically told him that he was going to take off work that day to watch Eurovision, and Lucas knew he'd never get a moment's peace even if he kept himself in his room. Maybe he can lock himself inside the bathroom for a few hours since it's the farthest from the living room. 'Yeah, that would have to do,' he sighed, accepting his fate.

Lucas stood up and started to gather his belongings, avoiding Eliott's eyes. He felt his cheeks grow hot as the older boy continued to look at him while he put his books back to his backpack but he refused to look up.

"Wanna come over and study with me at my apartment?"

Lucas hands froze at Eliott's invitation and his head whipped up so fast he felt a little dizzy for a moment. It’s definitely not because of what Eliott just said. Nope. He found the older boy grinning at him with his eyes crinkling adorably in the corners as he waited patiently for Lucas to respond.

'Okay, universe, what the fuck is going on right now. Not that I'm complaining,' Lucas thought as he stared at Eliott, completely dumbstruck that the older boy invited him over, just like that.

A few more awkward seconds passed by and while Lucas still could not get his brain to function, Eliott started to look a little nervous as he fidgeted with his backpack strap.

"It's fine if you don't want to. I just thought it would be quiet there since my roommates already left to go to a party. That's why I was heading home already," Eliott backtracked, his bright smile dimming a little as Lucas continued to look at him like he just announced that he killed his mother.

"Uhm, Eliott. I'm really grateful and let me just tell you, you are a godsend for offering, but uh.. are you sure? You barely know me. I could be a serial killer, you know. Do you just invite random people over? What if this is just a ploy to gain your sympathy so that you'll invite me over and I'll steal whatever valuable stuff you have in your apartment," Lucas rambled, all the while mentally cursing himself. 'STOP TALKING, LUCAS. Comparing yourself to a criminal. Bravo. What a way to make an impression.'

Eliott threw his head back, his delighted laugh distracting Lucas from having an internal meltdown. Again, the younger boy was rendered speechless by the way Eliott's throat moved as he laughed and the way his face lit up at Lucas' words.

"Lucas," Eliott said softly, once his laughter faded. Lucas bit his lip, in an effort to stop himself from asking Eliott to say his name again in that tone of voice. Eliott darted his eyes down to Lucas' mouth, his gaze darkening a little at the sight in front of him but when he looked up again, his eyes are as bright as before, which made Lucas think he must have imagined it in the first place.

"I thought we we were friends. Are you saying we're not?" the older boy teased, feigning hurt, clutching his heart jokingly.

"We haven't really talked or hung out before," Lucas explained, fighting off the smile that threatened to slip out at Eliott's antics.

"Well, we're talking right now, right? And I invited you over to my apartment. To study, yes, but also to hang out. If that's what you want." Eliott unexpectedly brought his hand up and fussed a bit with Lucas' hair, making the younger boy's heart momentarily stop one second and then beat in an uneasy rhythm the next.

"I do want to know you better."

Lucas stared at Eliott, completely floored. He could not believe that Eliott, the guy he'd been daydreaming about for a year, the guy who has the power to make him weak in the knees by just nodding at him when they pass by each other in the hallway, the guy whose name he embarrassingly doodled on his notebook time and time again until Yann caught him, actually said that he'd like to get to know him. There was no mistaking now, the way Eliott looked at him, the way the older boy's eyes flitted immediately to his lips when he nervously licked them, the way he met Lucas' stare with a challenge in his eyes, as if saying 'try me, know me, be with me'.

Lucas shook himself out of his trance and thought to himself, 'Why not?' Hey if this is the universe's peace offering to him, who was he to refuse it?

"Okay. That would actually be perfect. My roommate's home and he can get a bit too emotionally invested in Eurovision so I definitely would not have peace and quiet at mine. I was just planning on being cooped up in the bathroom for a few hours, actually," he admitted. He mentally pat himself in the back for sounding calm and composed despite the panicked fluttering of butterflies in his stomach.

Eliott's smile was back in full force and Lucas can feel himself melt a little bit at the utter adorableness being directed at him at that moment. He forced himself to look away, lest he blurt out something ridiculous like how Eliott's eyes just twinkle when he smiles like that or like how he can be compared to a literal ray of fucking sunshine and Lucas is a sunflower, desperate to be showered by his light. Lucas shook his head slightly to clear his mind. 'That's pretty fucking cheesy, Lallemant. Pull yourself together.'

Lucas finished tidying up and just when he was about to ask Eliott if he even lived on campus, they heard a clattering of books behind them followed by muffled giggling.

"They're still going at it, huh," Eliott observed dryly. He glanced at Lucas, deep in thought for a few seconds. He looked at the younger boy and waggled his eyebrows, mischievousness evident in his eyes. "What do you say to giving them some competition, Lucas?"

It really is amazing how many times Lucas' brain can short-circuit in such a short amount of time. Maybe it's the reason why he responded with a half-dazed "Sure" at Eliott's ridiculous suggestion because, really, there's no way he really said what Lucas thought he said. Right?

But then he found himself being dragged along the stacks, past the psychology books, past the encyclopedias 'really, who the hell still reads encyclopedias when we have the internet?' into one of the darker corners of the library.

Lucas let his eyes adjust to the lower lighting in his new surroundings and looked at Eliott, a little out of breath, silently asking 'What now?'

Eliott glanced down at the smaller boy and slowly lifted his hands to cup Lucas' cheeks. "Tell me if this isn't okay," he whispered.

Lucas met his gaze and found the same warmth he saw earlier mixed in with laughter and a flicker of something else. Fondness? Affection? Desire? He can't figure it out at the moment, especially when Eliott started rubbing his thumbs on his cheeks, making his eyes flutter shut at the softness of Eliott's touch. Lucas could hear his heart pounding inside his chest and he briefly wondered if the other boy can hear it too.

"It's okay."

The crash of Eliott's lips against his, the sheer force of it, stunned Lucas. He let out a loud moan, one that could rival what their companions let out earlier, and Lucas was not ashamed to admit that he didn't give one single fuck. He felt Eliott's hands tremble slightly against his cheeks, making him feel a bit relieved that no, he's not the only one affected by this.

Lucas felt Eliott's tongue slide gently across his lower lip, seeking entrance and he gladly opened his mouth to let him in. His knees buckled at the first contact and all he could think about was,'This is actually happening. This is right. This is how it's supposed to be.'

Eliott let his hand travel downward and Lucas couldn't help the shiver that went through his spine as Eliott gripped his waist tightly.

“Why don't we give them something to really talk about huh?” Eliott smirked, before kissing him again. This time there was no hint of nervousness in Eliott's movements.

Lucas brought his arms up to wrap around Eliott's shoulders, holding on to him tightly as if his life depended on it.

Eliott's hands slipped inside his shirt, caressing the soft skin there, causing Lucas to make an almost inhuman noise.

“Your hands are too cold!”

“Warm me up, then.”

Lucas groaned at this and it was his turn to crash his lips against Eliott's. He could taste the mint that Eliott had earlier along with a hint of smoke and Lucas just can't get enough. He trailed kisses from Eliott's mouth, to his cheek down to his neck and sucked lightly causing the older boy to fucking keen.

They continued making out, for who knows how long. All sense of time disappeared the moment Lucas whimpered and Eliott did everything in his power to hear it again and again.

After a while, only their heavy breathing could be heard. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“I guess we won,” Eliott declared.

“We sure showed them, huh,” Lucas replied. He was smiling so hard his cheeks were starting to hurt. He just couldn't help it.

Eliott nodded absentmindedly as he continued to stare at Lucas with something akin to wonder and Lucas can just bet his ass that he had a similar look on his face.

“Shall we?”

Lucas looked down at Eliott's proffered hand, smiled as he took it in his own and gave a little squeeze. More for his own benefit as he still can't quite believe that this is not just a dream on his part.

“Let's go.”

They walked out of the library hand in hand, giggling like school girls as they passed by the disgruntled, and slightly disheveled, librarian who was finally back at her desk.

Lucas wouldn't have imagined that what he thought would be a boring night of studying at the library, would turn out to be one of the most exciting nights of college life so far. He came in, stressed as can be and berating himself for not choosing to go with his friends to a party. Little did he know that he would end the night holding hands with his longtime crush, on their way to said crush's apartment.

To study, of course. But Lucas knew himself. There's definitely no way he's going to be able to study now. Whatever. He can always study tomorrow.

for @itubainaretro ilu mec <3

ao3 link

#skam france #elu #lucas x eliott #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury #i haven't written a kissing scene in years and it shows #ja;slkdfja;slkd #oh look #i wrote something #lots of internal monologues from our dear lulu #and lots of cursing #as well as smiling #the thesaurus and i are not friends at the moment

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nyaheum · 5 years

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My Eurovision 2019 Ranking

Info: I grouped some lower places together, simply because I really dislike some songs and have no strong opinion on some others. This is basically five groups of songs I didn’t like or don’t care about too much and then a top sixteen ranking.

41 to 34) Songs I really, really don’t like at all.

Germany [S!sters - Sister] - This song actually isn’t that bad. It’s alright. I’m just mad that it won the national contest, because we had two much better songs competing - or at least I thought they were much better. I also think it’s a bit weird that they call themselves ‘Sisters’ even though they’ve only known each other for a few months (if I remember correctly)

Czech Republic [Lake Malawi - Friend Of A Friend] - I’m sure there’s a lot of people who really like this song, because they usually like the music that’s on the radio and such. I really dislike this song. It annoys me so much. I also dislike his talking-part a lot...also the high pitched voice in the chorus? I just really dislike everything about this, honestly. (Especially considering I loved Mikolas’ song last year.) The video is kinda cool, but that doesn’t matter live.

Slovenia [Zala Kralj & Gasper Santl - Sebi] - This will sound weird, but the music video looks like those russian meme-y ones. Apart from that, there’s not enough happening here for me. It’s straight up boring. Usually, I’m into songs sung in the native language, but...I guess this song has a message, but I don’t get it because I don’t speak Slovene, and therefore I’m left with a pretty boring song where I can’t even concentrate on the lyrics.

Denmark [Leonora - Love Is Forever] - First of all: why is she partly singing in French? (Language of love, and she’s also saying some stuff in other languages, I know - but still). Second of all: the way she’s looking at the camera for the first thirty seconds is making me incredibly uncomfortable. Third of all: It’s a pretty boring love song. Meh. The only thing I like is the fact that she’s sitting there next to a guy AND a girl, but I might just be interpreting a bit too much into that.

Moldova [Anna Odobescu - Stay] - This is the kind of song I’d turn off the radio for. The music video also has this very weird slow motion thing going on which is very distracting and very ridiculous. It makes no sense too - I’m speaking about the guy who leaves his turned on car here. What’s up with him. Oh, and the song is a break-up song, oh no. Her vocals are pretty nice, although there’s some parts near the end where she sounds very weird and I really dislike that.

Lithuania [Jurij Veklenko - Run With The Lions] - On the one hand, the song it pretty interesting. In theory. On the other hand, I really don’t like his voice? It sounds pretty strained on the high parts. And, after the chorus is over for the first time, I feel like the song loses it’s appeal. The first time, the pitch changes are interesting, but the second time, they just seem a bit...meh. I also don’t want to run with lions, as they tend to be kinda dangerous, but thank you anyway, Jurij.

North Macedonia [Tamara Todevska - Proud] - Listen, the message of the song is definitely something good. Doesn’t change the fact that I dislike the song though. There’s not a lot happening and I feel compared to the ‘epicness’ of the music, her voice is a bit...uninteresting. Don’t get me wrong, she has a good, strong voice, but I feel like it doesn’t really fit with the instrumental. I like the music video, because there’s definitely a lot of different women shown, but I’m unsure how she wants to show this live on stage. (The wind blowing is also a bit much for me.).

Montenegro [D mol - Heaven] - Nothing Montenegro does will ever be as good as Slavko in 2017 - other than that, it’s a love song. Yay. It’s pretty boring. I don’t really hate it, which is why it’s right at the bottom of this category, but I also can’t get myself to like it. Usually, I really love string instruments in modern songs, but the cello in this...sounds off to me. (I’m no musician, so I wouldn’t know for sure, but I personally just dislike it here).

33 and 32) Songs I dislike, but not passionately.

San Marino [Serhat - Say Na Na Na] - I’m always here for San Marino doing weird shit, but this is weird in all the wrong ways. Serhat and his accent are creeping me out, honestly. I also feel like he’s twenty years older than any woman in this video. I also feel like this song had potential, but it just straight up vanished sometime during the creative process. The lyrics are weird too, but I don’t hate it. I can listen to it...once.

Norway [KEiiNO - Spirit In The Sky] - Usually, this would be the kind of song I’d at least put in my Top 20, but there’s something about it I dislike. I can’t even pinpoint exactly what it is, I’m just not here for it.

31 to 26) Songs I don’t care about, in a negative way.

United Kingdom [Michael Rice - Bigger Than Us] - Oh, UK. Back with the generic songs I cannot like because I’m not a big fan of generic songs. It’s alright - his voice is nice, even though it feels like it’s lacking a bit during the chorus? It just sounds like the Instrumental is overpowering him a bit live. At this point, I have also seen the “#ScotlandIsNow”-Ad ten times and am fed up with the UK.

Serbia [Nevena Bozovic - Kruna] - It’s a ballad. Yay. Ballads are boring, I feel like everyone who isn’t the Jury can agree on that. She has a nice voice, which is why I don’t really mind the song - but I wouldn’t add it to my Spotify-Playlist.

Estonia [Victor Crone - Storm] - It’s a guy with medium length hair and a guitar! Hide your sons and daugthers! But in all seriousness, I don’t care about this song either. It’s something I’d hear in the radio and wouldn’t skip, but I would think “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind it to be over now, thanks.”.

Latvia [Carousel - That Night] - She sounds like a german actress whose name I can’t remember right now, that’s all I can think about. Well, apart from the fact that the songs feels pretty generic. To be honest, it sounds a bit like Eurovision 2014 (except for France, Armenia, Iceland (y’all, Pollapönk was so good) and Poland). Yeah.

Sweden [John Kundvik - Too Late For Love] - I like the Gospel-thing he has going on, but I don’t like the song itself. I’m just not a fan of songs where the pre-chorus is slower than the rest of the song when they immediately continue singing in the chorus? It’s weird to describe, but a lot of songs do this and I basically dislike all of them.

Croatia [Roko - The Dream] - I actually don’t like this song at all. But I love his goddamn wings, so I tolerate it. I’m a huge supporter of weird Eurovision and this is definitely what I needed this year. We always need someone in a weird costume. (Like vampire-opera-man from Romania in 2013.)

25 to 21) Songs I don’t care about, period.

Finland [Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman - Look Away] - I’m all here for the meme, but nothing more. The stage performance looks really cool, but I couldn’t care less about the song. There’s not much happening, and the drop is...lacking, at best.

Belgium [Eliot - Wake Up] - Catch me scroll through my phone during the whole duration of this song. It’s a good background noise, but I don’t particularly like it. I’m also still bitter Belgium didn’t win in 2015; they haven’t made it up to me yet when it comes to songs, and this one definitely doesn’t help either.

Austria [PAENDA - Limits] - There’s literally only one things I can say about this whole song: meh. (No, really, I have no feelings towards this song.)

Netherlands [Duncan Laurence - Arcade] - I like the floating-naked-underwater-aesthetic, but I don’t think he can do this live on stage... Song wise, I don’t really care - it’s somewhat nice - I like the start of the chorus, the short ‘boom’-moment, but that’s pretty much it.

Israel [Kobi Marimi - Home] - Okay, I’ll admit it’s hard to follow chicken dances and an absolute party on stage. But I don’t think a very slow song is the right choice. I definitely like his voice and he reminds me of someone so much, but I can’t think of the name. Generally, it’s pretty nice, but I wouldn’t vote for it.

20 to 17) Songs that are alright, but nothing more.

Belarus [ZENA - Like It] - It’s modern with a very very slight traditional touch, which I like, but the song doesn’t really go further for me. I feel like it should qualify for the final, but shouldn’t place high. At least it’s something modern...

Poland [Tulia - Fire of Love (Pali sie)] - It’s a bit weird, but I like it, I guess. I’m not sure if I like it, to be honest. I need to hear this one live. Depending on the live performance, this one could go up a few places or down a lot. It’s borderline annoying me, so it’s pretty hard actually judging this. I like the general sound of the song though. (There’s something about this music video that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I don’t know what it is. Might just me being me.)

Georgia [Oto Nemsadze - Sul tsin iare] - He looks so grim, oh my god. I really like his voice, which is why he’s in this category, because I don’t really like the song all that much. It’s alright, definitely, and it might warm up to me - this type of song usually does - but currently I’m undecided.

Ireland [Sarah McTernan - 22] - It’s definitely alright. I mean, it’s still a love song, but most songs are, and at least this one has some things happening. The chorus is pretty catchy, although I was waiting for a bit more after the build-up.

16) Romania [Ester Peony - On A Sunday] - That music video is so confusing - when I first saw snippets from it, I thought it was a stage performance. The song itself is confusing me too - it’s weird, so I like it (like most songs from Romania, tbh) but it’s nearly a bit too much for me? I need to see this live, but so far, I’m optimistic about this one.

15) Greece [Katerine Duska - Better Love] - I’m so here for the aesthetic. I really like her voice, it has this slight twang to it that I really like. I like that it’s very obvious outside of the chorus, but absent during the chorus. It gives the song in itself a nice contrast. Generally, it’s not exciting enough for my Top 10, but I definitely like it.

14) Albania [Jonida Maliqi - Ktheju tokes] - She’s singing in her native language, which is always a big plus for me. The song is a bit creepy and it has something I always call “ancient”, because I can’t describe it better. It sounds like they might’ve sung it a while back, only with a modern twist. Which means I automatically like it. (It’s also giving me strong 1944 (the song) vibes, just putting this out there.)

13) Azerbaijan [Chingiz - Truth] - And here we have our second guy floating through the water. I’m noticing a theme here. Both video and song are really weird for me here, and I cannot quite place why I like this, but I do. I’m pretty sure this will drop a bit once I hear it live though - I feel like it will be hard to not be overpowered by the music with the high voice he’s singing in during the chorus. He might surprise me though, so I’m placing the song here.

12) Hungary [Joci Pápai - Az én apám] - I was really happy when I heard he’d return, and although I actually prefer his first Eurovision song to this one, this is by no means bad. It’s actually pretty good, I definitely enjoy it. Bonus points for native language yet again; also, his voice is amazing, but I knew that already. I really like the whistling part in this.

11) Cyprus [Tamta - Replay] - Cyprus realized that they did something right last year and are sending another fun party song. I liked Fuego more than this one, although they sound pretty similar. The beat in this is pretty great though. (I feel like the thing I really liked about Fuego was Eleni’s hair, a department in which Tamta can’t compete, but...oh well. She looks so good for 38 btw.)

TOP 10

10) Spain [Miki - La Venda] - Another fun song! You might notice I prefer these over the ballads a lot. This song really feels like summer - it basically sounds like Spain. I really like this for no deep reason - it’s just fun to listen to. Spain also deserves some love in Eurovision.

9) Switzerland [Luca Hänni - She Got Me] - Okay, so, as a German, I know who Luca Hänni is. He’s the only singer I’ve heard something about before the competition. And I wasn’t expecting anything. But hey, our boy grew up, didn’t he? I like this song quite a bit, for some reason. I feel like it’s been on the radio over here before and I’ve been conditioned to like it, but I can live with that. I also like his suit. I want it. (I’m also a sucker for dance sequences, so if they put that into the live performance, I might even move this up a bit. I’m sold.).

8) Portugal [Conan Osiris - Telemóveis] - Portugal thought: "Okay, we had a very heartfelt, serious song with minimal stage performance. We don’t want that anymore.” So they glued some spoons on a guys face, put him and his platonic male friend into feather suits and made them dance. As I said, I’m fully here for weird Eurovision, and I love traditional-ish songs, so I’m very into this. I actually really like the song, all jokes aside. This might actually be one of my Top Three stage performances. I just hope they qualify so I can see them in all their glory in the final. (Them and all their silverware.)

7) Australia [Kate Miller-Heidke - Zero Gravity] - I have complicated feelings towards this song. It’s very clearly inspired by Estonias song last year - only that they made it more modern. I actually really enjoy the first two minutes of the song. If it was just that, I would’ve been inclined to put it in my Top Three. But then there’s the last minute. It’s way too many different voices and different music at once. I feel like it doesn’t quite fit. I’m still hoping they’ll fix that part for the semi-finals, because I really can’t stand it.

6) Armenia [Srbuk - Walking Out] - This song is the kind of music I usually listen to in my free time, so I obviously like it. I’m also really into the aesthetic. I just feel like the chorus could’ve used a bit more drama. Especially a different “drop” - they already did the pause before it, they might as well commit to it fully. Otherwise, I really like this. (And damn, those trumpets(?) were made for me.)

5) Malta [Michela - Chameleon] - I really have a soft spot for Malta. I’m just really glad to have a real party song among ballads and sad songs. I might be influenced by the music video here because I really like lyrics on screen by default, but we’ll see how this song sounds live. Depending on that, it might move down. (I feel like this will either do really well or really bad though.)

4) Russia [Sergey Lazarev - Scream] - Okay, I loved his song back in 2016, so I am, again, biased, but I like it. It’s not quite as catchy as some of his other songs, but his voice sounds really good in this. I also really hope they will incorporate the imagery from the music video into the live performance, because it’s really nice.

3) France [Bilal Hassani - Roi] - At first, I didn’t like this song at all, but it really warmed up to me. He has a nice voice - I only hope he can fully show it live, because I already felt that the music video version sounded a lot better than the live version I saw. But the chorus of this song is stuck in my head. I also love the mixture of English and French - especially because it’s full sentences in both languages, and not only single words. (I can’t stand that.). I’m probably biased here because I speak French, so I understand everything (as opposed to the Slovene song for example) but...damn, I really like this song. (It took me really long to realize that his hair was a wig, by the way. I just thought he naturally had Jeffree Star hair.)

2) Iceland [Hatari - Hatrið mun sigra] - I can’t really explain myself here. This song is absolute madness and I’d be surprised if it survived through the semi-final. But they might surprise us and do what Lordi did before them. Honestly, it’s really refreshing Eurovision-wise and I’m so here for the Icelandic-metal-screaming. And yes, it’s another aesthetic-thing here. I just can’t help myself. (I’m also hearing “Aufstehen” in the end and I’m just wondering if that means “Stand up” in Icelandic...)

1) Italy [Mahmood - Soldi] - Honestly, Mahmood has no contest for me. This song is everything I ever wanted and more. It’s way too good for Eurovision, if that makes sense. There’s just nothing that bothers me about this song. The chorus sounds so incredibly good and the live vocals I heard from him sound so stable? I really hope they won’t do Italy dirty like they did with Occidentali’s Karma. This song is just way too good to go to waste on lower places. Did I mention I absolutely love this song? Oh, and native language bonus, of course! As if I could love this song any more.

#eurovision #esc #2019 #esc19 #ranking #top10 #list #long post #i like to talk #music #europe #let's continue our love affair #scotland is open #scotlan is noe #god #i just saw that ad 40 times #it gave me shawn mendes for armenia #very nice of youtube

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leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst · 5 years

Text

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (by me)

WATSON.DE 22/10/19

https://www.watson.de/unterhaltung/interview/421417472-conchita-wurst-tom-neuwirth-rechnet-mit-esc-conchita-ab-hatte-keinen-spass?utm_source=main

Conchita Wurst gets rid of ESC-art figure: "I was unhappy"

Five years ago, Austrian Tom Neuwirth won the Eurovision Song Contest as Conchita Wurst. But the role of the eccentric diva with beard and wig did not fill him in the long run. Now he returns as a new art figure "Wurst" - with electric and brand new, male appearance. With ‘Watson’ he spoke about rebellion, crisis of meaning, thinking in drawers and finding and seeking personal freedom.

Watson: Tom, we know you as a conchita with a wavy wig and a floor-length dress. Why did you choose to show the public a "Wurst" page that we did not know before?

Conchita Wurst: I felt the need to evolve. Before that I moved too long in the same world for my circumstances. And by that I mean that I locked myself into a set of rules that reduced me to a color of my being. And I call this color the "President's wife".

President's wife?

A president's wife has a certain protocol and can not do many things. And through this years-long reduction of myself, I became unhappy. I understood that I need a challenge, something new. For years I was in the songwriting camp and I thank my record company that I was able to find out to be completely talent free in songwriting (laughs). And then I thought: why don’t I just do the music that I hear privately? And I love electronic music, I love Robyn and Björk. I have found a great team for the new album that understands me, my story and my vision. And although I did not write or compose the songs myself, it has become so much more authentic than much of what I've done before. Or closer to my life.

Did you have any concerns about taking a new path or did you care less about the opinions of others?

When it suddenly became clear what the details should look like, how each mosaic fits into the other, I no longer had the feeling that I had to think about it. I was really very egocentric (laughs). Of course, I'm happy about everyone who likes my music. But I understand that I just have to do more things for myself. Because it's my life - and that's so beautiful. And my manager always says: Only then is it better than perfect. So I'll just do it and throw one dart at a time. We will see which one gets stuck.

Is there a song that has a lot of heart and soul?

I can not commit myself to one. Many songs deal with a specific time in my life. I deliberately refrained from explaining the meaning of each in detail. For the people who hear the music, I do not want to force a picture on them. It's like having read a book and then watching the movie. Then your own world is suddenly gone. That's why I hold myself back and do not say that's what it's about and the other's about that. Because once the child is born, it's not just me anymore and I accept that. But let's put it this way: Every song is intense.

What is the basic message of your songs, like the very striking "hit me"? Do not let anyone restrict you?

Absolutely. Nobody has the right to decide about your life. And that's the point. And yes, many messages are similar to those that were important to me five years ago. By now it may have become a bit more concrete and I am spreading it with more self-confidence.

Were you uncertain in places?

Everyone doubts. But I've stopped apologizing, in public and with my friends. With one caveat: I would apologize if I make mistakes, absolutely. And I do that too. But this album and this whole process has brought me so much closer to myself.

"I was in a situation where I realized I'm not feeling well anymore, I'm not enjoying what I'm doing."

And there is only one way out.

Which one did you choose?

I've worked hard with myself, started therapy, talked to my family and friends, and worked things that were years back and were never properly pronounced. And of course you do not just hear nice things.

And then to take that, to apologize, try to do better, but also to accept that you can not do everything well - that was very liberating.

In what way?

I always try my best - but in some ways I'm just a bit too brisk. And sometimes I'm just a bit too nice. And to realize that as a whole, has given me a whole new sense of security. Because I suddenly knew better where my range of motion lies - what am I sure of and what is not. And knowing that means incredible freedom and that helped me to be more confident. Not only in terms of the music, but also my appearance.

"I stopped wearing wigs, some said it was just marketing, so I just say, F ... you all, I'm still me."

And even if the name changes - at the end of the day it's always wurst (not important). Whether I am more feminine or masculine now, always this kind of thinking - I've stopped thinking about it.

An easy process?

Not at all. Because when I finished the album and it went to the videos, I have even operated drawer thinking. I was so anxious to be masculine. Now I think: There are no rules anymore.

What has changed since your first album five years ago - and what has remained the same?

Of course, the sound has changed and also that I am now much more personal stories in my songs. The fire remained the same. Or let's put it this way: the fire has come back.

Was the flame extinguished?

I knew as a child: I'm a star. I did not care if anyone wants to hear that. And then I lost this self-evidence, I was uncertain for a long time. Now I know again: I am a star. But that's the only thing I can do (laughs). So I focus on it. And to have such a clear positioning and to say: I love myself incredibly, I think I'm gorgeous, I'm funny, I'm talented - to be able to say, but at the same time to say - you are incredibly beautiful and it is so inspiring to listen to you. There is room for everything and everyone. I had to learn that first. This has nothing to do with arrogance, if you think yourself great. I find myself incredibly great - but I also find others incredibly great!

Did you arrive at the end of your journey to self-fulfillment?

No, that's not over yet. There are enough situations in which I manipulate myself and discover: I'm not myself, I'm not relaxed. But jealous, angry, impatient.

Are you pondering a lot?

No, but hello! I think I've improved, just living for the moment. Just after the song contest things came one after the other. And now just sitting here to tell you about me, I can enjoy that. I do not do anything better than talk about myself (laughs). But now I'm anchored here right now and have no stress at all. I could not have done that a few years ago.

What about your plans to film your autobiography?

Of course they are still standing. I also really want to do a musical. I mean, my story: The little boy from the mountains goes to the song contest with a wig - that's a story (laughs)! But the near future also brings a lot of great things. For example, I'm really looking forward to my performance on 2 November at "WUK" in Vienna. Only the cool kids are playing and I'm so happy to be allowed to perform with my band. I'm very curious what people say about "Wurst". And of course I am happy to go on tour again, also in Germany. And if all goes well, I'm still traveling a bit in Europe, that could be very exciting. And then comes a small TV show. So I have a lot to do.

Speaking of which, "Queen of Drag" will start on ProSieben on November 14th. Why did you want to be there?

These kind of requests came very early in my career. But the parameters never were for me. But in that case I could not refuse. I mean, Germany's biggest private station, Prime-Time, 8:15 pm. And the format will both entertain and touch. And I have never seen this range of entertainment, talent, humanity. We laughed and cried while filming. We had such a great time. And of course, I hope that's what the audience sees. And even if not - that was such a beautiful experience for me, nobody can take that from me.

What wishes do you have for you this year as Conchita, Wurst and Tom?

I wish I had at least as much fun as last year. I wish that I spend enough time with my family and friends and also have enough time with me. I want to be challenged and creative and just keep going like before. That would be great. No such bold wishes, or (laughs)?

Conchita or Tom? Wurst!

New album "Truth over Magnitude"

Tom Neuwirth released his debut album "Conchita" in 2015, which took first place in the Austrian album charts and was awarded Platinum. Also his second studio album "From Vienna With Love" achieved gold status in the release week. On October 25, the 30-year-old will be releasing an electric album for the first time with "Truth over Magnitude". From the 14th of November he will be looking for the "Queen of Drags" again as Conchita Wurst, alongside Heidi Klum and Bill Kaulitz on ProSieben.

#conchitawurst #wurst #tomneuwirth #singer #artist #esc2014 #escwinner #music #performer #celebrity #lgbt #translation

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