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orchardisland · 2 years

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━━ 𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐧

Let me tell you the story of one of our unfortunate residents who seems to be an AUTHOR on the island. Fate has assigned this individual guidance from THE EMPEROR REVERSED card. But they needn’t worry, their secrets are safe with me.

DOB: october 27th, 1991 DEFINING TRAITS: conscientious, ambitious, sensual, stubborn, paranoid, whiny. RESEMBLES: actor kim jaeyoung

contains: mention of death, implication of parental neglect, implication of religious trauma

YOU ARE PRESENTED WITH A PRISTINE DECK OF TAROT CARDS. TAKE YOUR PICK.

Choose for me. (Italics describe the dream sequence itself.)

His editor had nagged him for hours, begging him to take the airplane directly to the island; it’s faster, he spoke on the phone, it’s more convenient, his voice bordered annoyance, with hints of it evident in the way he’d spit his vowels out before reigning his intonation to one far more befitting. Still, Minjun ignored him, as if no one was speaking on the other end of line at all, last thing ushered being how calls about business on his personal number will be promptly ignored until further notice and to simply reach him through e-mail. A part of him came to regret it, not due the two hour drive from Seoul to Gangneung, but for the fact the ferry ride would take nearly five additional hours to reach Gwasuwon. He felt a nearly instant wash of nausea the moment his polished, Elkan leather Chelsea boot took a step onto the ferry boat; seasickness chaining him to an uncomfortable seat in corner. With the helpful aid of ocean’s lull, Minjun fell asleep on his spot quickly.

He finds himself amidst a field expanding over the horizon for as long as his eyes can reach; east, west, south, an emptiness everywhere except for what stands before him. A house, reminiscent of the one he has grown up in, albeit not a home. Boards falling off. Broken windows, grass overgrown and the nature taking back what is hers. When he tries to take a step forward, Minjun feels the weight of muddy water reaching his ankles, heavy and binding him in spot. An old, unruly woman approaches him, hunched over and with an instability to her step. He almost pays her no mind; lips parting once her wrinkled hands reach out to him, as if he were to tell her off, tell her how he does not have money on him that he can offer her. It almost annoys him, how she calls him ‘son’, the familiarity with which she speaks when her voice comes from a faceless figure. In the corner of his eyes — vigilantly keeping his watch on her, however, wary of her — he notices that her hands are not empty; that her hands contain cardboard items, cut in the size of her palm. “You need to choose,” she speaks, tremulous though clear in spite of it. His gaze cast downwards, Minjun stares at her hands in silence. “Your very soul hangs in air by a thin thread. Will you choose salvation or damnation? Carefully, or —” With the same palpitation, she pushes the tarot cards into him, a force he doesn’t expect to come from someone her age. “A thin thread?” he finds himself saying, dismissive of the warning she provides, though entertaining her nonetheless even if he believes her a conwoman resorting to desperate measures in her olden days; eyebrow raised ever slightly. Who is she to speak of of souls, of the scales and balances, against the word of Lord? He scoffs, then laughs — mockingly. “Go away, grandmother. I’ve no money to give you.” Silence. Her body dissipates into a splatter of darkness and Minjun feels a sudden dread overcome him.

In reality, a young woman’s hand shakes him lightly, to wake him. “Mister Kang,” her gentle voice calls out. Minjun’s eyes snap open and he feels a discomfort shooting through his body, not just due to the sweat that accumulates in his own palms, that drips down his body and soaks the white button-up shirt. “We’ve arrived at the Gwasuwon island. You were stuttering in your sleep — are you alright?”

THE CARD FLUTTERS TO YOUR FEET. WHO WERE YOU BEFORE THIS STORY BEGAN?

You killed your own mother when you were born.

He’s never had the chance to be held in her arms before she slips away from him, anaesthesia complications putting her into an eternal sleep, warmth of blankets that a nurse wraps him in rather the first love he feels instead of his mother’s. He says it’s the original sin that will haunt him; absence of holiness and justice into which a human is born, a descriptor perfectly ascribed to his son. His father makes him know it, too, that accusatory sentence instilled in his brain and becoming a stone that would weigh him down his entire life; Minjun’s father doesn’t forget and he doesn’t forgive. And Minjun can’t fault him, either, for he knows his father tries to love him. He simply can’t; when he looks at his son, he sees the woman that left him, her features reflected in the arch of brow and the cupid bow of bitten lips; he doesn’t see the gift that she left him.

His father loved his mother first and foremost and he took her away.

It doesn’t mean that Minjun wouldn’t try his hardest to be loved, because he wants to be loved so much that it hurts, that it burns inside of him like a flame that keeps getting rekindled, over and over. Or at least, he tries his hardest to make his father proud of him; to have him look at him with anything but that cold resentment in his eyes. Their house is filled with trophies, medals, report cards, certificates, letters of commendation; shelves filled with paper and plastic that is, at the end of the day, just that: paper and plastic gathering dirt and dust, items better used for kindling during cold winter days. He’s an almost perfect son, but it’s never enough. No amount of perfection that he chases is ever enough to pay the ticket that brought him into this world and no amount of perfection is going to bring his mother back. Still, Minjun chases that unreachable goal, trying to please the man who would rather want him gone. He attends the church, too, singing in the choir, but every time he looks up to the statue of the Holy Mother, it’s not salvation and happiness that fills him. Instead, he feels an immense amount of guilt; the empty alabaster eyes casting that same judgement, disappointment, instead of motherly love. Not that he would know what that feels like, anyway.

By the time he’s eighteen, he’s learned that lesson the hard way. There is nothing in this world that can thaw away at his father’s heart. But he still prays, diligently, though he’s unsure as for what.

University doesn’t love him the way he wants to be loved, but it’s something that comes so easily to him, that he grasps it with both hands and holds it tightly to his heart, hoping that it provides the warmth he desires. He grabs onto it, greedily. He grabs onto the army, too. It gives him a purpose, something to latch onto and drive him forward. And in the secrecy of his dorm; in the secrecy of his quarter, he starts writing. He starts pouring his soul out into it; papers upon papers first filled with confessions of his unknown sin, letters written to the father who has not called him in years. That bunch of blabbers and incoherent penances starts to grow, starts to take shape into something meaningful; something not shadowed by a personal shame. He receives an award. He receives his diploma. A publishing company offers him a genuine contract.

His life takes a drastic turn. Money and the inkling of fame become an unorthodox and irreplaceable consolation, filling the void within him under the false pretence that none of it is hollow.

And then, Minjun receives a call from his father. For the first time since he stepped outside of his old home at the age of eighteen, they meet in a hospital room. In that pristine, sterile room, surrounded by the pure whiteness akin to Purgatory, Minjun is a helpless child again, small and insignificant once again among the world of adults; his father's presence, even when chained to the hospital bed, as the Goliath before him. The first thing his father asks him once they are alone is is: do you pray? He swallows, hard, not a lump in throat but rather the whole mountain disallowing him from speech. As if he’s forgotten everything, he nods solemnly. They pray together, the son holding his father’s old hands tightly.

For a year and half, Minjun prays, for his father, like the good son that he is. He cries a lot, too. There is a sliver of hope in his father’s diagnosis, a chance that he would win against the enemy that is cancer. His father doesn’t say anything, but in those cold eyes he sees that same incineration that he’s always felt upon his skin. A man lives his life raising a murderer and then, in his final hour, receives the verdict of a slow, painful death himself.

For a year and half, Minjun isn’t sure who is he lying to; his father, or himself. He says he prays for a miracle, but a part of him wishes his father would just go. Back to his wife — to heaven — to hell. It gnaws at him.

And then it happens; the last breath. Yet Minjun feels no relief. He wonders, instead, if he killed his father, too. If it’s not the One above who heard him, but the fallen from below. He wonders who exactly is it that heard his prayers — his father’s voice still resonating within him, a reminder he wishes he could surgically remove himself. A pain he doesn’t understand.

This time, the outreached hand of writing’s escapism doesn’t show itself to him. Minjun’s company provides a beautiful lie to the public; everyone’s favourite rising author is struck by an extreme unfortune and he is taking the time to grieve the loss of his loving father. It makes him laugh hysterically, makes him angry. A month pass, then six, then a year. He doesn’t touch his pen and paper, nor do his fingers hover over keys of his laptop, forming sentences and filling the word quota. His editor suggest moving elsewhere, away from overcrowding, away from noise, away from everything he’s known; or unemployment.

He chooses not to be ruled by his father’s convictions even in his death. He chooses Gwasuwon, away from Seoul not just by the distance of land but by the water, too.

#gsw:accepted

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eviestevie-nametaken · 4 years

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Adam was meant to be a Villain

Ok this is probably going to turn into a long post because there is a lot to talk about when it comes to Adam Taurus. I feel like this post is mostly going to be irrelevant because Adam’s death happened over two years ago (I think) so there’s probably no one else talking about this anymore. But I only started RWBY last year and I only recently began to be more vocal in this fandom (chatting with others, making fanfics etc.)

Disclaimer: I am not making this post to start any arguments/controversy, I just want to voice my own views and opinions on Adam, his character and how he was used in the series.

To begin: Adam was not meant to be a “tragic hero”.

Now don’t get me wrong, Adam IS a tragic character (maybe he was once seen as a hero by the Faunus, but that act was simply a facade so Adam could climb the ranks of the WF and “finally get what he deserved” I.e revenge against humans). He’s a clear example of what being consumed by hatred can do to you (Blake literally defines him as “spite” in Volume 4 so it checks out). However, I have seen people describe Adam as if he’s this fallen hero that was meant to be redeemed. Which I have to disagree with, as far as I’ve seen, Adam has shown no redeeming qualities whatsoever. He has never shown sympathy for others or regret of his actions, if anything his methods just got more extreme (which was the point of his character; being the definition of “spite”).

From what I’ve noticed, Adam’s death can bring up two very opposing sides of an argument (especially on Twitter and YouTube, where honestly the fandom is it’s most toxic), there are those that are happy with his death and those who wanted Adam to live. I’ve even seen posts saying that fans wanted Blake or Yang to die in Adams place. Which is just... not right. Blake and Yang are the main protagonists, while Adam is an antagonist. RWBY is a show about defeating evil and overcoming darkness. So to wish the main characters deaths in a show about hope and overcoming obstacles honestly just baffles me.

Now let’s quickly discuss Adam’s story: based on what we know from character shorts, his card in Amity Arena and some recent answers from the Volume 7 commentary, Adam has had a tragic past, suffering discrimination as a Faunus and even having his face permanently scarred. That alone is enough to mess someone up, possibly for life, which in Adam’s case is exactly what happens. These are the building blocks of a villain, it’s the whole point of his story, what happened in the past is Adam’s driving force for revenge against humans, and it’s the reason he’s so stubborn to change his ways. He can’t let go of the past.

Now don’t get me wrong, Adam hasn’t always been that way. Not exactly. The Adam Character Short shows the first time Adam kills someone, he was doing it to protect Ghira.

And what happens when he kills that person? He gets praised by the other Faunus around him.

You can see the surprise on his face when this happens, this is when he realises, he is strong (like it says in his AA card).

Now let’s move on to Adam’s main crime: His abuse of Blake.

Now let me first say this: not all abuse is physical. Adam’s control comes from manipulation, which is exactly what he uses against Blake (in Volume 6 Chapter 5, Blake describes to Yang how Adam used to get in her head and “make her feel small”)

Adam would control Blake with gaslighting, making her feel guilty for having doubts in him. He also brings up Blake’s parents, which he must know is a sensitive subject for Blake.

Also, Adam uses possessive language when describing Blake’s connection with him (which honestly is a line that’s never sat right with me and is a clear example of what language abusers/manipulators use to feel power over their victim).

Now let’s talk about his position in the White Fang. He started off small, following Sienna’s (and maybe even Ghira’s) lead. But he eventually kills her off and take the role of leader for himself.

Adam never believed in peace, and he doesn’t care about the other Faunus around him, he disguises his motives for a greater cause when in reality, he’s using the people around him to get what he wants.

Finally, let’s talk about his final fight against Yang and Blake. Both girls gave him a chance to leave multiple times and each time he refused and kept fighting. Adam was the cause of his own demise. Which makes sense and is within his characterisation (once again; being the definition of spite). As Adam solely believes what happened to him is Blake’s fault, he refuses to take the blame (which is once again, something that is described in his AA card, which I would show but apparently tumblr only lets you put 10 photos per post which sucks. Also the quote “Why did you have to come into my life and ruin everything?!” Backs up Adam’s refusal to take responsibility for his own extreme actions.)

Blake and Yang didn’t murder him out of cold blood; it was self defence. We literally see Blake break down and cry after he dies. That’s not victory, that’s relief.

Adam was Blake and Yang’s personal demon, his abuse towards Blake and removal of Yang’s arm are life changing, traumatic events that affected them both severely, in terms of how they behave and how they view themselves.

Now I’ve seen posts talking about how Weiss should have been involved with this fight, especially since it was revealed Adam had an SDC brand on his face. Honestly, I can see where this is coming from and it could’ve been possible. But like I said before; Adam was a shadow on Blake and Yang’s life and was something they had to overcome together, which they did.

One further detail... No I don’t think Adam was reduced to a “psycho ex boyfriend” because from my point of view, Adam has been unhinged WAY before he met Blake (like he’s literally killed people, he’s not sane). He was already fighting before he met her and he only really started working with her when Blake ran away from home, which was five years before the beginning of RWBY (so Blake was roughly 12 years old when she left home, because she was 17 at the beginning of RWBY). Blake left home because Ghira stepped down as leader of the White Fang and Blake saw him and her mother Kali as cowards. This meant Blake had no one to go to, which unfortunately lead her straight into Adam’s controlling grip.

Adam’s story was meant to be a slow decent further and further into selfish and self-destructive behaviours, beginning with his traumatic past and ending with him desperately clinging onto whatever control he thought he had left on Blake.

#rwby #bumbleby #rwby analysis #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #adam taurus #ghira belladonna #kali belladonna #sienna khan #rwby amity arena #long post #hooooo boy this took a while #I hope I don’t get attacked for this #just wanted to share #amity arena

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inessencedevided · 4 years

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Once you're done with the entire show, could you maybe do sorting for all the characters? I usually know the house for each character, but I have literally no idea with The Untamed. WWX for example I can equally see him as a Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff and my brain hurts trying to decide.

First of all: I'm so so sorry anon! This took ages to answer! I hope you're still out there to read this! I started answering ages ago and then trailed off because I had to think about it. So here goes:

Thank you so much for this opening! I LOVE sorting non-HP characters into Hogwarts houses!! And for some of these, I’ve already done so in my head ages ago :D

Disclaimer: I’m mostly going off live action canon here, but will make some comments about the novel from time to time.

Disclaimer 2: Obviously, these are extremely subjective. If anyone disagrees, I would love to hear your counter arguments! I love discussing these things!

Wei Wuxian

GRYFFINDOR!

I know you said you weren’t sure but in my book, he’s a textbook Gryffindor. I’m not saying he doesn’t have Hufflepuff or Raveclaw traits (his sense of justice and his “out of the box thinking” kinda genius come to mind), but those aren’t the main drive of his actions imo. WWX follows his confiction and he often does so without even considering a second option or a compromise, especially before his death. And he is not afraid of deviating from the law or societal expectations to do so. This alone could also make him a Slytherin. The reason I wouldn’t place him there is the way he acts very much in the open. He doesn’t try to bring about change by quietly working in the background. He openly calls people out on their bullshit, even when it is clearly to his disadvantage and might just come back to bite him in the ass. Imo, WWX is a brilliant example of how a gryffindor might be driven to doing some very questionable shit given the "right" circumstances.

Lan Wangji

Now, he’s a different story. I have a lot more problems sorting him, maybe because he is not our point of view character. And he's the reason why it took me so long to answer this ask. My conclusion might be controversial, so let me work up to it. Slytherin? His most slytherin trait, imo, is his determination and drive, which I think stems, among other things, from a desire to prove himself. However, I believe his main reasons for this were family loyalty and (somewhat headcanon territory) the rejection he must have felt at his parents absence. And I don't see him as cunning either, as that always carries a certain level of deceitful intent, even if it's not malicious. And deceitful? That's one thing lwj certainly isn't. So, Slytherin is not a good fit for him. Ravenclaw maybe? He is certainly very intelligent, but that intelligence is more due to his studious nature and his focus, imo. And wisdom and out-of-the-box-thinking are not traits I would associate him with, especially in his younger years. So gryffindor then? He is certainly brave in many ways. He is enduring and stubborn, both gryffindor traits. But he also someone who takes his time to arrive at decisions, unless he is under extreme emotional duress (losing his mother or the love of his live). His bravery, to me, seems to be deeply rooted in his deep deep devotion. He goes through extreme, long lasting pain for the few people he holds close to his heart. In the end it all comes down to his heart, his loyalties, his devotion. Ironically, even more so in the book than in cql. And that loyalty, that steadfastness, that devotion is extremely hufflepuff.

So here you go:

HUFFLEPUFF! (There is no yellow:/)

(And now I really wanna write that AU :D on first glance, lwj would make such an unusual hufflepuff, with his cold and aloof behaviour. I want to play with this idea now!)

Lan Xichen

HUFFLEPUFF!

Aaaahhh! Now I really like the idea of the twin jades of hufflepuff. :D and Lan Xichen is a bit more obvious right? He certainly has the intelligence of a ravenclaw, but his defining characteristics are his devotion to his duty, his kindness, his fairness and his willingness to carefully consider all sides. A hufflepuff to boot. No wonder, I love him so much.

(And now I can't help but imagine lan Xichen, welcoming his little brother at the hufflepuff table, beaming with pride. And later, making sure that they eat at least 1 meal per day together because he knows his brother doesn't make friends easily, even in a house as theirs. Until there's a certain rebellious and bright eyed gryffindor, with a penchant for DADA ...)

Jiang Cheng

He, too, gave me a hard time sorting him. Ravenclaw, I discarded immediately. Gryffindor came next. He's definitely brave in his own way. Going on after the devastating loss of his entire family is brave beyond anything I can imagine, but his motivation why he did it, I believe, was a mixture of family loyalty and his competitiveness and drive to prove himself worthy. Thise are hufflepuff and Slytherin traits, respectively. I would tip the scale towards the latter, simply because his inner conflict is so defined by his feelings of inferiority, his feelings of never living up to his parents expectations. He's in that weird place of being both extremely privileged and emotionally neglected. It reminds me of Draco, come to think of it. So, my favourite angry grape, I'll place in ...

SLYTHERIN!

(He's even rockin' the snake aesthetic already :D)

Jiang Yanli

With her association with cooking and motherly love she seems to be a rather obvious hufflepuff. She is certainly brave, too, enduring her family's near destruction and moving on, or standing in front of her adoptive brother and defending his place in her family and in society. But again, it's very much tied to the people she loves. So yeah,

HUFFLEPUFF!

Nie Mingjue

The jock to end all jocks and still he's got a heart of gold. He's kinda the cliche gryffindor and I can't find a reason to not place him there. So *head barely touches him*

GRYFFINDOR!

Nie Huaisang

SLYTHERIN!

If the twist at the end didn't happen, I'd have placed him in Ravenclaw, as it is, he is such a quintessential Slytherin and also, just ... my favourite kind, especially in cql, where he just fuvjs off to paint his fans and leaves others to do the heavy lifting. He got what he wanted, revenge for his beloved older brother. It reminds me a bit of Horace Slughorn (minus the people collecting). He doesn't want to be at the top. He just wants a comfortable enough life and the possibility to reach his very specific and not at all mainstream goals. A legend. (In mdzs, where he becomes chief cultivator, he's still a Slytherin, albeit a slightly less interesting one.)

Wen Qing

Now, she is another hard one. Another fiercely loyal person (although that's a common trait in mdzs/cql), she also had to show incredible resourcefulness to survive and still stick to her principles throughout her life. But to mention that she invented and su subsequently performed the first core transfer in history. (In the book, it is specifically mentioned that the essay on this subject was written by her). In short, this woman is s genius in her field and forward thinking and incentive. All of those are textbook Ravenclaw traits. So, with her we have ...

RAVENCLAW!

Wen Ning

Puh, he is hard. I know, with his timid behaviour and gentle nature, hufflepuff comes to mind BUT ... he strikes me as a neville. As in, his bravery lies in the fact that his own insecurities hinder him constantly and yet he overcomes them every day in a hundred small ways. He is brave precisely because he is afraid of so many things. And, like Neville, when his sense if right and wrong demands it, he takes a stand. His rescue of wwx and jc extremely dangerous circumstances and the core reveal come to mind. So, even though he probably argues with the hat to place him in hufflepuff, I'll place him in ...

GRYFFINDOR!

Jin Guangyao

SLYTHERIN!

Do I have to explain this?

Luo Qingyang

I know, she's a much more minor character than the others but I love her and this is my post, so she's in it. Do i have to say it? I hate to be the "Gryffindors ftw!!!"-one (as a proud snake), but yeah, Nie Mingjue was goddamn right when he said that she's got more backbone than half the cultivation world combined. My queen snapped and removed herself from the narrative and I love her for it!

GRYFFINDOR!

Let's get to the juniors:

Lan Sizhui

Now, maybe the hufflepuff does run in his family because I do think he belongs there, too. His defining characteristics are shown to be kindness, fairness and filial piety, even though he also has a mischievous streak and does not shy away from confrontation when he thinks his warranted (politely defending "Mo Xuanyu" in front of the Mo clan comes to mind). So yeah

HUFFLEPUFF!

Lan Jingyi

His brash and outgoing nature would make him a good gryffindor fit, certainly. However, the trait I associate with him the most is his nonconformity and that in a sect where that is highly unusual. He might not be as much of a social butterfly as Luba, but he still reminds me more of the kind of eccentricity associated with ...

RAVENCLAW!

Jin Ling

Now he's hard. Maybe because he postures a lot though that's something that's true for a lot of these characters. He tries to imitate his uncle but has non of the trauma to back it up, though he is an orphan and,in his position, probably pretty lonely which leads to the kind of breakdown we see him having over his confrontation with the person who killed his parents and he can't even really blame and so he just... crumbles. And non of that really helps me in my search for a house for him. I don't really see him as a Slytherin because while he loves to posture and play his privileges, he mostly crumbles under pressure and I don't think there's conviction behind it. He's certainly not sly either. Rabenclaw? Nah. I see neither outstanding amounts of eccentricity or wisdom. Gryffindor? Maybe. He's certainly impulsive. And he displayed bravery both in Yi City and even more so in the Guanyin temple where he had to face the fact that one of his uncles, the men who raised him, would kill him to achieve his goals. Still, what left the biggest impression on me was how, after his own world had just completely changed, he send his dog away because wwx would fear him. And how he then tried to get his uncle to talk to wwx. So I'd tentatively go with

HUFFLEPUFF!

Ouyang Zizhen

Another hard one because we don't know him very well in canon. But what we do know is that he is very emotional (passionate one might say) and has no qualms going against his father in a fit of teenage rebellion. I love him for it but that's not that much to go on. Both of these point to gryffindor however, so that's where he goes. :D

GRYFFINDOR!

So ... that's where I'll leave it. I know I missed the Yi city arc but it's getting late and I'm tired. 😅 If anyone wants to add them, feel free!

Congrats of you've made it this far down! :D

Please, do come and discuss these with me!

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amaroadriana · 3 years

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talk about us.

What they define their relationship with your muse as: (almost twin)Brother/Best Friend

Something they like about your muse: Ah, that Damon is a man of many talents. That once he sets his mind to something, there is no way it isn't going to be completed. That his drive overcomes a damn coma. That nothing ever stops him. That he has the kindest heart, the best curls in the family, so much love to give. That if he could, he'd create another earth and build his empire there, too.

Something they dislike about your muse: His inability to take a break. Hi stubbornness, which sometimes sets him in a narrow mindset.

Their first impression of your muse: For a moment Adriana really just stared at the boy. She knew she will be the kid of the help at this, was the kid of the rich, kind people who took them in. There were no expectations. Damon looked wary of her, almost protective of everything he had. It was quite obvious it wasn't the stuff of the house. She had narrowed her eyes at him and grinned. "If you give me your hand, I'll tell you where my mom hides the cookies. Then you can play hide and seek with me. But only if you promise to be up to no good. We can keep each other's secrets."

Their impression of your muse now: S T U B B O R N af. But the best thing is, he is similar to Adriana. He understands people around him; he cares for the family to an unbelievable extent. He's an absolute dare devil - on vacations. At work he's the boss - but a good one. He can get as fucked up as possibly could yet still would take care after others. Sometime's he can be an asshole, but he's her favourite asshole.

How they feel about your muse: Loves him, and would give her own life for his.

Something they are hiding from your muse: That she wants to go deeper into the mob to help Lara. Last conversation didn't go well, and she doubts if she were to bring it up again it would go any different. Also, how Artem fucked her up.

Something they wish they could to tell your muse: “I know it's dangerous. But being as we are isn't any less dangerous. Look at you, you're not in it, yet you have nearly been killed twice. It won't matter where I am. Family is family - I would do it for you too."

#;; Damon Rutherford

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t-selflove · 4 years

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A letter to my baby sister / things that should be spoken about

I know you feel like you can’t catch a break lately and I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with falling apart. I have spent my life wishing you will never feel an ounce of pain and my heart breaks because of the inevitable truth that you have and you will. Since the day you were born, I have shared a responsibility that comes without question - protecting you. As time passes I am still learning that there will be instances in which I can’t, and that you will have to be strong for yourself - but you will never be alone.

I want you to know that its okay you feel like you missed out on your own childhood. You did and that is nobody’s fault, as humans we know that life happens but some things are harder to accept than others. You were five years old when the first man you ever loved became a prime example of what you know now, love is not. You were six when he held glass to our mothers throat when she tried to leave. You were six when the police came to our house to make sure we were safe. You were six when we were huddled together locked in the bathroom while he was in a rage outside banging and kicking on every door and window trying to break in. You couldn’t understand what was happening but I remember you’d never held me tighter. I know it stings to think about the why’s and the what if’s but you are not the reflection of those who couldn’t love you. The majority of your earliest memories are filled with fear and confusion and that is why you blocked them out - as a coping mechanism.

I want you to know that the things you saw and heard as a child were not your fault. I want you to know that your Fathers absence from your life has nothing to do with who you are, but rather has everything to do with who he is. I hope you know that you shouldn’t ever waste your time worrying about who he is or where he is now - his blood runs through your veins & you might have his chin but baby girl his anger & bitterness is something that your heart could never hold.

You were eight when we saw our mother on the edge of death on the side of the road. The day she woke up was the same day we learnt that miracles happen but also a piece of her wasn’t ever coming back. None of us could have ever anticipated how our lives would change overnight - but it brought us closer than ever. In order to survive you had to grow up very quickly and take on a role you didn’t ask for - but I hope you can look back and realise that you have become a resilient young woman who can lead and teach herself.

As for now - this is your fourth time changing schools in the past 3.5 years and I need you to know that the weight on your shoulders isn’t all yours to carry. Those girls that constantly go out of their way to tear you down just because you don’t look like them or don’t think like them, have insecurity issues they refuse to confront and I know you hold so much anger inside of you instead of retaliating because you know words hurt. Believe me when I say that those girls are the same ones that in a few years time will preach about mental health and the importance of kindness but they won’t ever look you in the eye when they see you out, but trust me baby its because they will remember the person they were in high school & they won’t be proud of it. On the other hand, these are the years you might meet a boy and you’re gonna believe him when he tells you he loves you - but you already know what red flags to look for and I can only hope you know when to walk away. God knows you’ve seen what happens to a person when they feel like they have no choice but to stay. Please remember you always have a choice.

Finally, you are not what’s happened to you, you are how you’ve overcome it. Every time you get knocked down you get back up and that takes strength. Your mental health does not define you nor does it make you any less of a person than anybody else. People will always tell you that this pain is making you stronger, but sometimes suffering is just suffering, it just hurts- learn to sit with it. Always know that your mother loves you more than life itself - you clash so often because you’re both so stubborn but she has a heart of gold & will spend her entire life trying to ensure yours is rich. You’ll never grow out of being her baby girl. In this life, people will attack what they don’t understand and it is not your responsibility to make them understand. You are golden. You are thousands of things even when they choose to point out the thousands of things you are not. Your persistence and drive to just be yourself (even when you’re still figuring out what that looks like) is inspiring. Please don’t ever make yourself small or be silent about things that matter. You always have enough energy for one day at a time. Rock bottom is the foundation of which you re-build your life, on your terms.

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david3096 · 6 years

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Stupid grin (Tyrus Month 2018 Day 27: Wedding)

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15929081

"And now I pronounce you, husband and wife." The applause begins and an occasional shout of joy. Cyrus is crying, he just can’t believe that one of her best friends has just married.

Buffy smiles in her wedding dress, Marty's face seems to indicate that even he cannot believe that he just got married. After all they been through when they were young, going back and forth through the years with their relationship and the great love that took both of them a long time to admit.

It was pretty obvious that they would end like this. Or at least that's what Cyrus always thought.

On his right side is TJ, with a smile and applauding. On the other side, there are Andi and Jonah, who applaud and shout as well, they have been married for two years.

And Cyrus, despite all the happiness he feels for his two friends, cannot help feeling envious and angry. Why has not TJ asked him the question?

.........

Now, they're at the party, they're about to finish eating. Cyrus, TJ, Andi and Jonah are together at the same table along with some relatives of Buffy who seem not comfortable with their presence. And Cyrus is not sure if it's because they're Buffy's friends or because he and TJ have kissed each other three times over the course of the party. He prefers not to pay much attention to it.

"Are you coming to dance?" Jonah asks with a smile; Andi and he are getting up. TJ seems to be totally in agreement with the idea. He, for now, let himself be overcome by envy and anger.

"We caught up with you in a moment." Cyrus says and can see disappointment in the face of hid boyfriend. "I need to talk to TJ." Now his face shows surprise. Cyrus gets up and starts walking, walking away from the garden where the party is taking place, TJ follows him without asking.

"Is something wrong?" TJ says, when they approach the pool that does not correspond to their side of the party, they can see a big part of the city, it is about to get dark and Cyrus hates that it seems that TJ knows what the whole thing is about before he says it.

"I have a question and I want you to answer it honestly." Cyrus stops seeing the city and looks at his boyfriend, TJ does the same.

"I'll do what I can," he says with a stupid grin that Cyrus wants to erase with a hit on the face. But before he can ask the question, Buffy and Marty arrive at his side.

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asks too loudly; the sound of the music began to take effect in her ears. "Let's Dance."

………

"But if you're looking for fast love" TJ sang along with George Michael while driving at midnight direct to their apartment. Meanwhile, Cyrus looked out the window, trying to define once again what he felt. Envy and anger were still there, but they were being replaced little by little by disappointment and feeling he’s not good enough for TJ.

"I haven’t asked you the question." Cyrus mentions when they stop at the last traffic light before arriving at the apartment.

"Cannot wait until we get home?" TJ says quickly. "It’s the best part of the song." Cyrus does not say anything, but he knows that now anger is beginning to win.

.........

And now Cyrus watches tv, just got out of the shower and waits for TJ to do the same to be able to talk. Right now he just wants to sleep.

TJ goes out only with a towel on, with his hair quite wet and that damn and stupid grin that has not been erased since the wedding.

"Cyrus, fifteen years have passed. I think you should act less surprised to see me almost naked." Cyrus appreciates that he is not the same guy who would get too nervous, lose the speech and blush at that phrase, before that image. Now he only blushes a little. "I mean, you've seen it all. Damn it, you've touched every part of my body."

"Shut up." TJ takes off his towel and starts to dry off and then puts on one of his basketball shorts that he wears for pajamas. When he lies on his side of the bed, Cyrus is not so sure he wants to have this conversation, now his mind wanders in other directions.

"Did you have something to ask me?" He says, faking false innocence. Cyrus knows him, knows every expression of his face by heart.

"Yeah." He sighs, he will say it now, before he can repent much more. "Why haven’t you asked me to marry you?" TJ seems not surprised by the question.

"Why haven’t you asked me to marry you?" Cyrus feels his vision of the world changes suddenly. He had not thought that he could do it, it’s just that TJ has always asked the important questions in their relationship, he asked him if he wanted to be his boyfriend, he asked him if he wanted to move with him to his first apartment, he asked if he wanted to buy a new one so it’ll be totally their own. For Cyrus it was logical that TJ would ask the question again.

"I do not know" It’s the only thing Cyrus could say. "You have not answered me, anyway" he finally says.

"OK." TJ relaxes his mocking face, he knows when to stop so as not to make him angry, most of the times. "I'm waiting for the perfect moment." That's when Cyrus feels he cannot take it anymore.

"The perfect moment?" He begins to raise his voice. "Really, is that your answer? We've been together for fifteen years now! "Now he's screaming. "Andi and Jonah have already been married. And now Buffy and Marty also" He doesn’t know why but get up and start walking around the room. "Everyone believed that we would be the first to get married!"

"Underdog, calm down."

"Do not call me that way. You know I do not like you to call me that when I'm mad at you!" He screams.

"Muffin?" TJ says, with the stupid grin. And Cyrus really screams without having a word in mind, TJ runs out of the room.

"Where are you going!?" he shouts. "We're not finished!" TJ quickly returns and looks at him, still grinning.

"Marry me" He shows him a blue box, with the perfect ring or at least that's what Cyrus thinks, the anger starts to dissipate and confusion comes into place.

"What?"

"This is the perfect moment."

"Now, when I’m screaming like crazy, so fucking angry at you?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I wanted my proposal to be real." Cyrus still does not understand. "I thought it would be good to go to a restaurant, to one of your favorites and rehearse a speech about the day we met, our first kiss and all those love things that people say when they propose. But…"

"That's not you." Cyrus truly feels calm now.

"Exactly. Then I thought, why not ask Cyrus to marry me at a time when he is mad at me?"

"And why does that sound like a good idea to you?"

“Because I’m insane?” He says, and Cyrus almost laughs. “And cause I think this is how our life will be.”

“Really?”

“Muffin, you’re a stubborn man who prefers to hide his emotion until it’s too late.” TJ takes him by the hand. “And I’m a fucking son of a bitch who makes fun of everything. We’re going to fight the rest of our life.” TJ takes a pause, unsure of what to say. “Of course we’re going to have really good moments but…”

“I know.” Cyrus doesn’t know what else he can say. Of all the possibilities, of all the directions that he thought could have this conversation end up, he did not expect that this would happen.

"But I love you." TJ says after a long silence that the television was in charge of filling. "And I hope you love me too." Cyrus hugs him tightly, he feels like he's about to cry.

“You’re crazy.” He says. “And I really love you, even if sometimes I cannot understand the weird things you do.” Cyrus grabs the blue box, and then the ring. “I want to marry you.” Now, TJ put his hand on his now fiancé’s waist and gives him a kiss. The best one of all these fifteen years.

When the kiss ends and they separate to look at each other, TJ has that stupid grin again on his face, the one that Cyrus is willing to look at for the rest of his live.

#tyrus #tyrus week 2018 #tyrus month 2018 #andi mack #jonah beck #buffy driscoll #cyrus goodman #tj kippen #fanfic #mine

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jeragar · 3 years

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Homebrew Race: Pagheim Elf's

Hey i want to see if a homebrew race of mine is well balanced, please leave a comente and don't repost this. This race is a custom race for my book. It is not complete yet, but i would like some feedback

Pagheim Elf's

"Ishvalda gave us new life, but at great cost"

The head monk, Sarutobi, was finishing his prayers in the temple, remembering one of the most important verses of their sacred texts. He looked around the other members, all their heads shaved, a reminder of their simple lifes. After a brief pause he proceeded: "But the cost of immortality as worth it, so we could enjoy a life full of challenges to overcome and wonders to surprise us". We joy they thanked the food and enjoyed their breakfast. So we also did, since we were their guests.

- Verse from the diaries of the Halfling Willian Adams

Cites tall as trees and made of intricate carpenter techniques, great swordsman and martial artists along sages and gurus are just a few of the things that define aspects of the elven cultures. Even though divided by land, faith, magic and tradition, all still respect Ishvalda gift that is their new life. Well, mos of them at least.

Similar but different

They are slightly shorter than humans on average, ranging from well under 5 feet tall to just over 6 feet. They are more slender than humans, weighing only 100 to 145 pounds, but can easily become heavier if given them enough food. Males and females look almost the same, and males are only marginally taller than females. Elves’ coloration encompasses the normal human but rarely are in lighter colors and also includes skin in shades of copper and sometimes ebony. They favor elegant clothing of silks in bright colors, and they enjoy simple yet lovely jewelry and well made wood craftsmanship.

The price of true life

Before Ishvalda the elves were immortal in the fay, however their lives were devoid of purpose. Ishvalda offered them a new life in the material plane in Pagheim, however they had to sacrifice their immortality and the possibility to return. At first they lived for 700 years, now they can't pass the 250, same as the dwarves of Pagheim who once lived for 400 years. Besides that they lost the ability to return to the fey when they die and often prefer to reincarnate, to become a perfect soul and one day return. Such ideals made their cultures revolve around perfection and self improvement and companionship. Even the lowest thief will try to be the best and strongest, and will die to protect his friends (if he is honorable).

Five kingdoms first, three left

Elven kingdoms can be divided in five groups: The island of the Kaze Yōsei or wind elfs, the jungle kingdom of the Aag Yoginee or fire elfs, the half country of the Kkoma Yojeong, the small communities and temples of the Yù Jīnglíng and the mysterious kingdom of the Dark elves. Due to their distance and long tragedies, most of their culture became fractured in many diverse and unique ways. The wind elfs prefer to avoid overuse metal due the lack of it in their islands, while the jade elves covered their palaces in gold. Since the destruction of their kingdom, alongside the kingdom of the river elves, there isn't a jade nor river elf government. But if there is something they agreed is that the dark elves are weird and melodramatic.

In search for something

Elves that take on the adventure life when they are in search of something. It can be becoming the best warrior, the greatest sage, the greatest pirate or even the best cook. The desire of being the best at something, helping the people or of surpassing their own expectations is what drives the elves of any nationality to go adventuring. Sometimes Honor will be one of the key factors for them oher the desire to connect with the world. Searching for their place in the world is what drives them.

Brave but intense

Even though they make the best martial artists, they tend to be extreme in some aspects. Be it in their tales or themselves they always expect a lot from the other races, witch causes them to sometimes see the others as either not strong, graceful or espiritual as them. Still, they know when someone is worthy of respect.

Dwarves "Strong, but stubborn. How they manage to stay alive if they fight a lot against each other surprises me. Then again, it was the discord of the jade emperor that made most of our people die in the tragedy of jormungand. They are also worthy smits, since they have the best metals"

Humans "Confusing and disorganized most of the time. The ones form the desert and of darkish skin are extremely beautiful. Sure they have a more organized political system and good warriors, but they never have been in civil war for over a century."

Dragons "Brute, rude and sometimes crazy. Is easy to be surprised by their skalds singin of their battles, their art and brave warriors. They might be simple compared to us, but they are honofull and they respect worthy foes. Wish they could be like our lungs though."

Elven names

Elven names vary with their subraces, but all are well thought and have deeper meaning. The Kaze Yōsei, Kkoma Yojeong and Yù Jīnglíng firts say their family name then their first name, mostly referring the children by their given name, but the Aag Yoginee say the family name first then the initials of their given name. Only the dark elves follow the rule of given name first and family name last, but for other reasons. Your names are defined by the elven culture you were raised by.

Elven traits

Your elf character has a variety of natural abilities, the vestiges of your fey origins.

Ability Score Increase. Your Dexterity score increases by 2.

Age. Although elves reach physical maturity at about the same age as humans, the elves stop aging naturally when they reach 50, and they can live up to 250 years.

Alignment. Elves love freedom, variety, and self expression, but they do it so through either chaos and order, same as the world. They value and protect their own freedom, and they are more often neutral than not. The Dark elves are an exception; their self-exile into the Underdark has made them more chaotic.

Size. Elves range from under 5 to over 6 feet tall and have, sometimes, slender builds. Your size is Medium.

Speed. Your base walking speed is 30 feet.

Darkvision. Accustomed to the dark nights and the adoring the night sky, you have superior vision in dark and dim conditions. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can’t discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.

Language. You can speak, read, and write Common and Elven. Elves do not possess a common language between themselves, but their spoken languages can be understood by the other members due their roots.

Subrace. Due to tragedies and geographical preferences they became divided in five main subraces: Kaze Yōsei (Wind elves), San Yojeong (Mountain Elves), Aag Yoginee (Fire elves) and Yù Jīnglíng (Jade elves). Choose one of these subraces.

Aag Yoginee (Fire elves)

One of the oldest elven cultures and the one that gave origin to the mountain orcs, due their faith in Ishvalda. Passionate and driven by faith the Fire elves are now for their spirituality, as well for their combat techniques. Their bodys are flexible as the vines from their trees, their culture is well rooted in the belief of reincarnation and futility for material conceptions and illusions such as wealth, gender and class. That unfortunately doesn't stop them for having a caste system among themselves. They generally have darker or tanned skin, hair dark as the night or withe as ivory and eyes of darker colors.

Ability Score Increase. Your Wisdom score increases by 1.

Elven weapon training. You have proficiency in short-swords, scimitars, hand crossbows, hand axes and long crossbows.

Yoginee yoga. Your unarmed attacks possess the reach property, you also don't need to sleep, you stay in a trance semiconscious, for 4 hours a day. After that you gain all the benefits that other humanoids do from 8 hours of sleep.

Gift of the chakras. Due to the teachings of Ishvalda and the many incarnations of Shiva, the first Aag Yoginee, you possess the ability to reach one of the seven chakras in your body and have special abilities granted by them. However the process is imperfect so you can only have one chakra activated at first. When you reach 5th level you gain the ability to change between chakras after a 8 hour long rest. Chose one of the following:

Muladhara. The "root" chakra. Those born with this chakra unlocked are innate survivors due this chakra connection to the earth. You have advantage in saving throws against being frightened as you are no longer blocked by fear. You know the cantrip Mold earth. At 3rd level you can cast the Sanctuary spell once without expending a spell slot or using material components.

Svadhishthana. The chakra that establishes the "self". Those with this chakra unlocked are happy as they follow the flow of the river, same as the water the chakra represents. You have advantage in saving throws against being Charmed since you are free of worries and guilt. You know the cantrip Shape water. At 3rd level you can cast the Expeditious Retreat spell once without expending a spell slot or using material components.

Manipura. The brightest chakra "the jewel city". These chakra might be the best to represent the fire elves' way of living, be it represented by the element or by giving strong will to their bearers. You have advantage in Constitution saving throws as you no longer feel ashamed of yourself. You know the cantrip produce flame. At 3rd level you can cast the Absorb elements spell once without expending a spell slot or using material components.

Anahata. The chakra of those who are "unhurt". The chakra of love and purity, those born with this chakra unlocked are free of grief and able to love many others. You have advantage in wisdom saving throws as you no longer feel grief of having old loves. You know the cantrip gust of wind. At 3rd level you can cast the Charm Person spell once without expending a spell slot or using material components.

Vishuddha. The chakra of space and of the "Purest". Those born with this chakra unlocked are trustworthy and hard to deceive using lies. You gain proficiency in Perception checks as you no longer are blocked by lies. You know the cantrip Word of Radiance. At 3rd level you can cast the Detect Thoughts spell once without expending a spell slot or using material components.

Agya. The cakra of "Command". Those born under this chakra no longer are tricked by the illusions of the material world and live knowing the truth. You gain proficiency in insight as you unlock the third eye. You know the cantrip Mind Sliver. At 3rd level you can cast the Augury spell once without expending a spell slot or using material components.

Sahasrara. The "thousand-petaled" chakra. These chakra might be the best to represent the fire elves' passion of comunion among the cosmic power of the universe. You gain proficiency in Religion as you no longer feel attached to the material world. You know the cantrip Resistance. At 3rd level you can cast the Enhance Ability spell once without expending a spell slot or using material components.

Kaze Yōsei (Wind elves)

Chosen to live in the mysterious islands close to the dragon and dwarven kingdoms, they are persevere and almost as passionate as the fire elves. The wind is your guide, as well as the elements surrounding them. The mysterious spirits surrounding them as well as many years of conflict have forged them into a proud and strong nation. Sometimes hornful others cunning, their origins always help shape their destinies. Hair dark as the coal and skin mostly withe and blue eyes on the north, hazel in the south and brown in the middle, they are different as they come.

Ability Score Increase. Your strength score increases by 1.

Elven weapon training. You have proficiency in longsword, shorts-word, Quarterstaff, spear and longbow.

Spirit of Kaze. You gain an extra 5ft of movement and also when you are reduced to 0 hit points but not killed outright, you can do one action before losing your consciousness. The action can not be class related (like two extra attacks) and you can only do it once per long rest.

Yōkai marks. Due to their faint connection with the spiritual and elemental side of the fey, mostly by the high spirits known as Kami, the Wind elves are born with a special mark and the presence of a yokai companion. Each mark reflects the Yokai main characteristics. You can always invoke your Yokai as if by the spell find familiar, without expending material components or having to cast a one hour ritual. However they have the following limitations:

You can't change the appearance of your Yōkai unless you have the mark of the trickster. If you do they can change once per short rest.

The Yokai stats and skills are the same as the creature he looks like, but he knows the same number of languages as you.

The Yokai can't interact with anything physically.

The Yokai appearance is related to the type they are. If you have the mark of the mimic your Yokai looks like an average object, if it is the mark of the trickster they might look like a fox or a tanuki for example.

You can't cast any spell through them, unless they are spells related to your mark. Those they can cast the same amount of times as you.

Their size can't be higher than medium, unless you have the mark of the colossus.

The Yōkai have only one action and bonus action, however they can use your class passive abilities and actions that don't cause harm or are not used to attacks (such as rage and extra attack), or that affect or give the ability to cast spells.

All yokai have darkvision of 60ft and flight speed of 10ft (unless they are an animal that can fly).

Chose one of the marks bellow, and work with the DM what Yōkai you have for their appearance and quirks:

Mark of strength: The strength of the mighty Oni, or the terrible Mazoku now reside inside you. Once per long rest you can use your bonus action to make yourself count as one size larger and gain advantage in all strength based rolls, attacks included, for one minute. At 3rd level when you use your transformation your appearance changes to something more unnatural (extra eye, one horn etc) and you gain a claw attack that deals 1d4 plus your strength modifier. At level 5 your transformation now grants you the ability to subtract 1d4 damage from any damage that isn't psychic and add 1d4 damage to all your strength based attacks.

Mark of the trickster: Be the mark of a Kitsune, the Tanuki or the Bakeneko you are born with magical trikery abilities. You gain the Prestidigitation cantrip and the minor illusion cantrip. At 3rd level you can cast the spell Disguise self at will without material components. And at 5th level you can cast the spell alter self once per day, but the spell can also change your size and basic shape, doing so doesn't give you the abilities of the race or change your stats, it also reduces your movement to 20 ft if you grow larger or smaller than your natural size.

Mark of the elements: The power of the mighty Tengu or the weather abilities of the Ame Onna, you are gifted with their elemental based abilities. At first level you chose two of the following cantrips: Control Flames, Produce Flame, Shocking Grasp, Thunderclap, Druidcraft, Mold Earth, Gust, Thaumaturgy, Acid Splash or Ray of Frost. At 3rd level you gain the ability to cast one of the following spells once per day without expending a spell slot: Burning Hands, Catapult, Chaos Bolt, Create or Destroy Water, Earth Tremor, Faerie Fire, Feather Fall, Jump or Thunderwave. At 5ft level, once per log rest you gain the ability to either gain a fly speed of 10ft, be able to breathe underwater, use the hellish rebuke spell once per turn, gain a +1 to your total AC or cause one extra 1d6 lightning damage for one minute.

Mark of the colossus: Be the mighty Nurikabe, the dreadful Gashadokuro or the gargantuan Bakekujira, you share their size. At first level you gain one extra feet to your total size, you also can't be grappled by anyone that isn't larger or above. At 3rd level you can cast the Enlarge/Reduce spell without expending a spell slot or material components and you don't need to concentrate on it, but you can't cast on anyone but yourself, and you can only cause the enlarge effect. At 5th level while in your enlarged form, you can now add 1d6 damage to any strength based attack, if you fal on someone you cause 4d4 bludgeoning damage, but you can only move 15ft while in the enlarged form.

Mark of blood lust: The kamaitachi possesses a contradictory nature, being able to harm as well as heal. Now you share one of those traits. At first level you must choose either blood or balm:

Balm: Once per turn you can use your reaction to heal anyone you can see at 60ft with one 1d4.

Blood: Once per turn you can use your reaction to cause 1d4 extra damage when you succeed on one attack roll.

At level 3rd level depending of what you chose before your ability is replaced by the following:

Greater Balm: Once per turn you can use your reaction to harm yourself 1 hit point to heal an ally 1d6 hit points, you can not do it to yourself.

Greater Blood: Once per turn you can use your reaction to harm yourself 1 hit point to gain 1d6 extra damage to your next attack until your turn ends.

At level 5rd level you gain one ability based on what you chose before:

Self Balm: Whenever you use your Greater balm ability you can now heal yourself a number equal to half the hit points healed, as the karmic response of your actions are rewarded.

Healing Blood: Whenever you cause damage to an enemy using your Greater blood ability, you recover a number of hit points equal to half the damage you caused him, as you lick the blood of his wounds

Mark of the mimic: The power of the Tsukumogami, or objects with spirits, are given to you, even though not good for combat it is great for espionage. At first level you gain proficiency with a set of artisan tools related to the object that is your Yōkai (Wood carving for Kasa-obake and Chōchin-obake) if you already have proficiency in the tools related to your Yōkai you can chose another one. At 3rd level you gain the ability to assume the shape of the object that your Yōkai is shaped. While in the from of the object the following things happen:

Your max hit points is one.

Your total AC is 10.

Your total speed is 10ft.

You can't cast spells because you can't talk or do any somatic movements.

You can only do one action and bonus action and use your passive class abilities.

You keep your equipment but you can use it.

You can only look like the object of your Yōkai (Umbrella, lantern etc) and you can't change it for another.

You can do this a number of times to equal your proficiency, after that you must take a long rest before you can do it again. At 5th level your ability to become your Youkai object evolves, you now have the following benefits:

When you roll for stealth you count as if you had expertise on it.

Your max Hit points now is 5.

You can now use objects as your arms can now appear and disappear from the object you are shaped like.

You can now cast spells that don't have the verbal component.

Your total speed is now 15ft.

While in the object form you can gain a number of temporary hit points when you consume a weird substance (Ex: oil from the lanterns). Work with your DM to define what substance you can consume. The number of temporary hit points you gain is equal to your proficiency bonus.

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inkxlenses · 6 years

Note

What are the bravest things that you did?

1. Beat clinical depression- It was the lowest and darkest period of my life. I am SO proud of myself for not giving up, but instead had made a difficult decision to seek professional help after excessive deliberation, stubbornness, apathy, and lack of motivation (and nihilism, dammit). Yeah of course at present there would still be days when I would be upset or stressed about something, but they are nothing compared to what I had been through. (And sometimes I realize that those things just occurred during *those days in that time of the month*—you know what I mean haha). Thus, I always tell myself that if I could get beat my depression into a pulp, I could always get over my *monthly existential crises*. It was also after that dark chapter of my life that I joined a community committed to help people who are going through various difficulties in life (e.g. depression, anxiety, abuse, terminal illness, grief, etc). The stigma for mental health conditions are appalling even coming from professionals, and the discrimination these people experience could make their situations worse and make it harder for them to recover, thus, it was something that I truly want to advocate for. It was an absolutely rewarding feeling to know that I can help those people who are usually ignored and/or lack the courage to tell someone of their troubles, so they seek a somewhat unconventional support. Uhm yeah I’m lighting up the mood here, but I don’t need to elaborate how *dark* that chapter of my life was because I don’t want to look back. Instead, I look forward to all the great opportunities life has in store for me. I only need the courage to seize them.

2. Performed in a crowd (..in a foreign land)- As I was in the process of recovering, I decided to stay with my cousin, Akiko, in Ginza to get away from my normal environment and routine; kinda like my way to “revive” my natural enthusiasm in life. She loooooooves to perform in Harajuku, which if you are familiar with, is one of the havens for performers in Tokyo. One time she invited me to her band’s performances and had successfully persuaded me to sing in front of a crowd. This might be something trivial for someone who lives their life in the stage, but I am not like that. I had to pluck up my courage and face my fears. It really was a “dividing and conquering” moment for me because I finally realized that indeed, I am gradually recovering. And from that point in time, not only had I come out of my shell by performing in front of an audience (as I am NOT a singer at all), but for me it was also the moment when I made a conscious decision that I would always try to overcome and leave my irrational fears in the past. I was inspired to do my best to not be easily overwhelmed by people and the external world ever again. I was, in that moment, fearless and had embraced the beauty of the realization that I need not be afraid because I am a survivor.

(Hmm. I don’t really know if anyone else would be interested to read this aside from theyoungnova. What I’ve written under the line is a bit personal, so you might just want to ignore this post if you’re not comfortable to read drama™. And mate, it’s just embarrassingly long..)

3. Stood up to take control of my life- I’ve spent majority of my life submitting to the demands of an extremely toxic and abusive parent. I was pressured—to the point of being literally threatened—to pursue something she wants for me, and not what I want for myself. Eventually, I had “negotiated” something but I was still forced to yield to her initial demand. She never cared for what I want and had my dream completely dismissed because according to her “It would not be lucrative. It was impractical. I would be a shock-absorber. It would be emotionally draining blah blah blah”. I was always forced to comply and had always felt as if I was “regulated” to conform into their wishes, otherwise the consequences would be detrimental––traumatic, even. I didn’t have a voice. But then, recovering from depression was really the defining moment of my life because I learned that I need to stand up, take a risk and control my life. I know it looks completely absurd for someone to be almost in their late twenties, yet still somehow be “controlled” in their major life decisions. But guess what, you’re lucky you’ve never met my mum. I never was and never will be a defiant daughter, in spite of all the traumatizing things she did, but nowadays it’s like I stealthily make my plans unbeknownst to them. *diabolical laughter* She’s a tad better™ now, but you know.. whatevs. I also have a very supportive partner, my favourite brother, wonderful (but maniacal at times) bestfriends and my dad’s support, so I’m a step closer to my “calling in life”. Yeah I know that sounds cheesy haha

(Hmm. I’m still contemplating if I should edit something because what I just shared was something very personal to me. And I don’t want to be a sob story here.)

4. Said goodbye to someone I greatly admired- Last year, I was truly humbled by the chance to get to know perhaps the smartest person I’ve ever met: my long-lost uncle. (My mum’s family has a lot of drama™ I tellsssss you haha) He was the most accomplished real polymath AND polyglot I’ve ever met. But what made me admire him the most was his various interests and expertise in different disciplines, and his drive to continue learning (and he was so into conspiracy theories, the occult and esoterica as well BAHAHA). He had hundreds of books in his library (and those were just in his home in SG); he rarely read fiction—this person was truly passionate to learn, educate himself and master his craft. He was the first older person that I’ve met who hadn’t shrugged off at my inquisitiveness, my quirkiness, my incessant questions, but instead had attentively listened to my ramblings. He told me to never stop questioning things, and to always probe and seek answers for my curiosities. Sadly, he was terminally ill and he passed away a few months after :( But I know that the time you spend with someone is irrelevant to the bond you’ve built with them. I would always treasure our intelligent conversations because I’d learned so much from him.

I recall having this convo with my mum shortly after he died, and how she told me that my uncle’s life was really sad because he was estranged from them. He never married and had only reunited with his family when he’s already ill. I disagreed with her because for me, he truly was a testament that you could be extremely successful even if you hadn’t conformed to society’s definition of “what a truly lived life is”. (For instance, why is it that marriage seems to be the culmination of one’s happiness? EH?). Yes, he was successful™ on the very essence of society’s definition of what success™ is: financially stable, accumulated material possessions, etc. But for me he was successful not because of his riches, but because he chased his dreams, he explored what is out there in the world, and he never stopped learning. He didn’t have to have this classic Machiavellian conviction, nor had the need to trample anybody to reach his zenith. I seriously still couldn’t figure out how he managed to accomplish so SO much, had the time to travel around the world, and had read countless of books in his life. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “It doesn’t matter what success means to you as long as you are genuinely happy about your life, you are productive in your own way and you are continually improving yourself, you are touching other people’s lives, and more importantly, you are doing these things to achieve your personal goals and not just to impress other people. Do what you want to do with your life because success–more than anything else–is about personal contentment.” Yes, I was heartbroken when I had to say goodbye to him, but I was even more dedicated to chase my dreams because he inspired me to.

5. Skydive- My first (of I hope many) skydiving experience was in North London Skydiving Centre and it was one of the most exhilarating moments of my life. I have this fear of heights and I’m not an adrenaline junkie, but I’m always up for anything exciting and adventurous, so I was very glad that I was able to experience it. I can’t wait to do it again in somewhere more dangerous xD

#asks #answered #theyoungnova #get to know the blogger

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leadwithlove-blog1 · 6 years

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Let Love In

First of all, I think it’s important to talk about how I think the word love has been misconstrued. I googled love and everything that popped up seemed to tie into one theme, romantic love. Sure that’s one lane love drives in but I don’t believe it’s lane 1. Love is unconditional, no limits and I believe the person that taught us how to love best didn’t love us in a romantic way but in its purest form and that was Jesus. So why is it when I google love I feel like valentine’s day puked on my search engine. We wonder why people focus so much energy on finding a significant other…we forget what real love looks like. It makes it hard to love ourselves because all of a sudden that’s tied to whether or not a cute boy or a pretty girl does. I think we discount non-romantic love as if it doesn’t mean as much when it actually means more because it expects nothing in return.

Before I left my hometown to move to Seattle my best friend gave me a gift and a letter. The gift was something she had painted that said “Let Love In” and in the letter, she proceeded to tell me why it said that.

“If there is one thing you’ve taught me it is to let love in. I made you this painting to remind you that I have…Always remember to let love in, because even though you say I’m stubborn, you are too.”

Before then I hadn’t thought about my own walls. I had this perceptiveness growing up that I could tell when someone needed a little extra love. I fought so hard to get through to my friends but I had gotten so good at hiding behind this giant pretty wall I’d built that I didn’t realize how lonely and anxious I’d become on the other side of it. I knew so many people but no one really knew me. I didn’t want people to worry about me, to look at my family differently and ultimately I didn’t want to be vulnerable. There would be times where I would become anxious because I didn’t think I was loved. I showed up for so many people but I didn’t have people return the favor. A big reason for that is because I didn’t let them which created these self-inflicted insecurities. People don’t read minds if we don’t let them in it’s hard for them to love from the other side of the wall. I used to have to fight tooth and nail to get someone to open up to me, now I start it by being vulnerable first. It’s easier to love when people are vulnerable, you’re not wondering if they’re hiding things because the transparency shows they aren’t. When a relationship is one-sided in the vulnerability department people tend to drift away. There’s no substance to a relationship that isn’t shared and it is so hard to trust people who you feel don’t trust you. At this point in my life I’ve become an open book, if you want to know something I’ll tell you. I have no secrets because they fester. You start wondering who knows about them or can see through the act. They eat at you, creating this feeling of uneasiness and paranoia. As I was thinking about all the times I felt “anxious” it made me curious to see what the actual definition was.

Anxiety: A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Uncertainty. Not knowing. That’s what causes anxiety, missing information. We’re about to take a test and suddenly become extremely aware of how much we don’t know. Our parents fight and no matter what we do we can’t stop it. Thinking about where we’ll be in five years, hoping we don’t lose anyone along the way. Sometimes it’s going to be something we have no control over. My relationship with God has me covered on the things that are out of my control. It didn’t use to, it’s come with time and intentionally building that relationship. He’s proven to me time and time again that he’ll show up if I’m patient, that he’s always got me. But there are plenty of times in our life where something is causing us to feel anxious and there’s something we can do about it. Most of the time that something is having a conversation. “Ask and you shall receive” it sounds so easy but we get in our head about how we think people will respond so we don’t go through with it. People don’t know how you feel if you don’t tell them and you don’t know how they’ll respond if you don’t give them the chance to prove you wrong. In school, if we don’t understand something we ask the teacher so we can learn. Why is it that we can’t seem to talk to the people we say are the closest to us. We let all these thoughts and feelings seep into our heads and let the anxiety take over. We begin to wonder if we’re being crazy or if what we’re thinking is true. Throwing us into this unhealthy circle of torment where we don’t even know what is actually true anymore. What if the second we felt left out, forgotten, unloved, not good enough, unworthy we just said so? What if we let love in so that the love could overcome the doubt. I started doing this through prayer, dumping it all out. Sometimes it’s brutally honest and I give myself a wakeup call. Sometimes it’s emotional which helps lighten the burden. But at the end of all of the prayers, I get up the courage to talk to the person I felt disconnected to. 99% of the time that little hole that was starting to grow gets some love stitches. The more I had the honest, loving, full of grace conversations the more free and loved I felt. It also becomes less and less necessary. I don’t doubt the things I used to, God has put people in my life that remind me every day I couldn’t be anything but loved. Because of this, I want to love people better, I want to be open to all perspectives including the pain so I can widen my view. See the things I didn’t before, show people they can receive love and that God has peace for them too. Through conversations, clarity, and curiosity I’ve learned how to love myself. God gave me this abnormal capacity to love people which makes me unique. I get to add to the lives around me and I’ve become so comfortable in that role. I haven’t felt anxious or lonely in years, I think that’s because I’m surrounded by so much love and I’m not afraid to let it in anymore. Obviously, not every relationship is going to work out the way you wanted it to no matter how much you communicate because sometimes the other person isn’t ready. Sometimes there will be people who you will need to forgive, even when they don’t say sorry. To acknowledge that their brokenness doesn’t define you. If I were still waiting for my dad to be a dad I’d still be broken. His lack of love doesn’t define my ability to be loved, that held me back for too long. Let God and the people he put in your life remind you just how much you are loved. Just like my best friend did for me when she called me stubborn (but really though if someone calls you stubborn and you immediately say no I’m not, you probably are). She reminded me that I have to let people return it, I can’t be the one kicking down everyone else’s walls and building my own. Life just doesn’t work that way and it’s so much better without a wall. The grass is always greener when there isn’t a side to choose from.

Psalm 34:4 God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.

Isaiah 41:3 When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, You will not go down. When you’re between a rock & a hard place it won’t be a dead end.

Matthew 6:34 Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, & don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

#God #Jesus #love #anxiety #fear #vulnerability #vulnerable #bible #bible verse #people #relationship #youth #Youth Ministry #leadership #forgiveness #love yourself #communication #life #lead

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prettybabyhazza · 7 years

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but then it all turned around (g.d.)

~WOAH ANOTHER POST?? hyfr another post!! And would ya look at that, ANOTHER imagine based on a song by The Maine and ANOTHER imagine featuring Gray. This is obviously different from what I’ve done in the past (spoiler: no it’s not). Regardless, I hope y’all are doing well, and enjoy this lil blurb. All jokes aside, I think it’s important that we all address our demons sometimes. I hope you’ll find comfort in this as I did. Love y’all so much. xx

~MASTERLIST~

***WARNINGS: mentions of anxiety (If you are easily triggered by descriptions of anxiety, please do not read. I have plenty of other material in my masterlist you would enjoy much more. xx )

SONGS: “Lonely” and “Taxi” by The Maine

I remember feeling weightless in the deeper end,

And drowning in the fear again.

And the lovely little loneliness would hold me down

Under the sound of being found.

But then it all turned around...

Debilitating would be the word I would use to describe this feeling. Thought after thought, neuron after neuron firing without any sign of slowing. It was deafening. I couldn’t hear the outside world. The only thing I could focus on was the racing of my heart beat, the pounding of my frontal lobe, the strain of my eyes, and shallowness of my lungs. It felt as if I was thrown into the deep end without warning and my only task was to try to save myself from drowning when all I could focus on were signs of the seemingly inevitable. My anxiety triggered my fears. Those fears would hold me back from grabbing onto a life line. That is, until a familiar, comforting hand took hold of mine and pulled me back up to the surface for air. Then suddenly, I was breathing again.

And it creeps on in to the calmness of yourself

Yeah, it creeps on in until it hurts like hell

And you know, I never knew how much I was getting into

No, I never knew how much I was getting into...

Vulnerability is a funny thing. You unlock your brain and open the gates to your heart, leaving the key in someone else’s hands. Every dark secret, down and dirty detail, memory, experience, and thought, you allow them to see. There’s no hiding. You’re emotionally and mentally naked. At the end of the day, they could simply disappear, leaving you to slam the gates shut and heavy bolt them in hopes of never feeling hurt again. We’ve all been betrayed. We’ve all had to change the locks on our minds and rebuild the walls on our hearts with heavier material than before, creating a daunting task for those with true intentions in the future.

Then he exploded into my life. He brought a certain effortless brightness and captured my heart immediately, despite how terrified I was to allow it to happen. But he was patient. He didn’t push me. He waited for me. I’m sure he didn’t understand what he was getting into at the time. I’ve got demons just like everyone else. I’m stubborn and stuck in my ways. He’s hard-headed and sarcastic. We aren’t perfect and nothing is ever easy, but he brings out the best in me. He’s the most solid support system I’ve ever had. My worst days become few and farther between the more I learn about myself through him.

In the backseat of a taxi,

When you told me we were only

Two punch-drunk souls all tangled in the wind.

And in the backseat when you asked me,

“Is the sadness everlasting?”

I pulled you closer, looked at you and said,

“Love, I think it is.”

Going on long drives in the middle of the night with Grayson is chicken soup for my overworked, overthought brain. No matter what the cause was, anytime he sensed my anxiety beginning to build up too high, he would gather my shoes and jacket, take my hand, and lead me out the door to his car without a word; just a kiss to my head. And I was beyond thankful. He would open the passenger door for me, bringing me close to him to place a few quick kisses to my lips before allowing me inside. Each late night drive, we would take turns playing a favorite album and he would continue to drive until I felt relaxed enough to return to reality. His right hand always gripped my thigh, giving a reassuring squeeze with every occasional shaky breath. I kept my arms wrapped around his, lightly tracing miscellaneous shapes on his skin as I focused on calming my mind. And every time, he would drive us up to our favorite look out with the most beautiful view of the city below. Once parked, he would climb into the backseat with his back against the rear door and legs spread across the seats before encouraging me to join him. I would do just that, settling myself between his legs, and laying back onto his chest. Nothing will ever compare to the instant comfort the feeling of his arms being wrapping around me brings.

And that’s the exact position we found ourselves in now. I admired the distant view of the Los Angeles lights from the window of his Range Rover. Kid Cudi’s “Man on the Moon: The End of Day” album providing the only sound besides our breathing. Every now and then, Grayson would lightly drum his fingers on my skin to the melody of his favorite songs. Sometimes, he would even hum a line or two. That has always been my favorite thing. The warm, clean scent of his cologne filled my nostrils as I took a deep breath, releasing it with a sigh. I felt his hand squeeze my hip as a silent offer of comfort to remind me that he was there. A singular question had been flashing through my mind nonstop since we parked. I eventually forced my mouth to break the silence, despite its reluctance.

“Gray?”

“Hmm?” He hummed in my ear, allowing my back to pick up the vibrations emitting from his chest.

I took a beat to collect my thoughts, deciding how I wanted to phrase what I wanted to ask. Grayson pressed a soft kiss to my hair in support, wordlessly telling me that I still had his attention and not to rush my thoughts.

“How do I get it to stop?” I finally whispered. Tears began to sting my eyes at the sound of the unexpected weakness laced through my voice. The tightening of his arms around me as he somehow managed to pull me even farther into his protective chest, let me know he knew I was talking about my biggest demon. My anxiety.

“I don’t think you can baby,” he answered truthfully.

I can’t say that I can make you feel complete,

Or free from your worry,

But believe me when I tell you,

“Babe, you’ll never be lonely.”

“Think about it like this,” he continued, taking my hands into his. “If you hold a handful of feathers in the air for thirty seconds, you’ll feel unaffected right?”

“Mhmm,” I hummed, letting go of one of his hands momentarily to wipe away a few runaway tears.

“But the longer you hold those feathers in the air- an hour, a day, a week- the more uncomfortable and painful it’ll become, regardless of their initial weight. The same thing goes for your thoughts.”

He brought one of my hands back to his lips, placing a couple kisses to the skin.

“If you allow yourself to hold onto the little things for too long, you’ll start to overthink and cause yourself pain. Does that make sense?”

I nodded sniffling and turning to nuzzle my face into his neck. I couldn’t comprehend how clever he really was; how selfless he was. He always knew exactly what to say, when to say it, and when to not say anything at all. He would drop everything to help me over hurdles; big or small. And I would do the same for him. I knew he couldn’t fight my battles for me. He couldn’t, and shouldn’t, take on my burdens. But, come hell or high water, he would be by my side, holding my hand, and supporting me as I learned to overcome what I used to believe was the impossible. It wouldn’t be easy some days, but I was determined to conquer anything the dark side of my mind threw at me.

My bad days don’t define me. I won’t let them.

“As long as I’m here, you’ll never have to do this alone,” he whispered, caressing my hair. “I love you.”

I sat up slightly turning to face him. His eyes were filled with so much love. I couldn’t help but press my lips to his in a slow, thankful kiss.

“I love you.”

Don’t you understand?

You won’t be alone again.

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan fanfic #ethan dolan #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan fluff #ethan dolan blurb #ethan dolan fanfic #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins fanfic #prettybabyhazza #my writings

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margdarsanme · 4 years

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NCERT Class 12 Psychology Chapter 2 Self And Personality

NCERT Class 12 Psychology Chapter 2 : Self And Personality Solutions

NCERT TEXTBOOK QUESTIONS SOLVED :

Q. 1.What is self? How does the Indian notion of self differ from the Western notion? Ans.: Self is an organized cognitive structure. It can be understood in terms of subject and object or I and Me. It refers to the totality of one’s conscious thoughts, and feelings which pertain to one’s own self. .

Indian Concept of Self:

Self is characterized by the shifting nature of the boundaries.

The Indian view does not make rigid dichotomies.

It is based on collectivistic Indian society.

Western Concept of Self :

The boundaries between self and the group are rigid.

It holds clear dichotomies between self and group.

It is based on individualistic society of the West.

Q. 2. What is meant by delay of gratification? Why is it considered important for adult development? Ans. :

(i) Learning to delay or defer from gratification of needs is called self-control. It emerges from self-regulation. (ii) Self-regulation is behavioural component of self. (iii) It refers to an ability to organize and monitor ones own behaviour. People who can change their behaviour according to the demands of the external environment are high on self-monitoring. (iv) Self-regulation leads to self-control. (v) It plays a key role in fulfilment of long-term goals. (vi) Indian culture provides us effective mechanisms like fasting (vrata or roza) and non-attachment with worldly things to develop self-control. (vii) It is ones ability to say ‘No’.

Psychological techniques to develop self-control are: (a) Observation of Own Behaviour: it provides us with necessary information that may be used to change, modify, or strengthen certain concepts of self. ‘ (b) Self-instruction: We often instruct ourselves to do something and behave the way we want. (c) Self-reinforcement: It involves rewarding behaviours that have pleasant outcomes (like going to see a-movie with friends if we do well in exams).

— Self-control is important for the development of mature personality. This is the reason that all cultures emphasise the self-control. It helps in the fulfilment of long-term goals. Indian cultural tradition provide us with certain effective mechanisms, e.g., fasting in varta or roja and know attachment with worldly things for developing self-control.

— Self-control is also important for effective functioning of social network. Q. 3. How do you define personality? What are the main approaches to the study of personality? Ans. : The word ‘personality’ is derived from the Latin word ‘persona’, which means a mask or false face which Greek actors used to wear when acting on stage. According to Gordon Allport “Personality is the dynamic organization within the individual of those psychological systems thqt determine his unique adjustments to his environment.” One of the major approaches to understanding personality was to develop theories on what it was. There are many broad personality theories, which can be grouped into four categories: –

(i) Dynamic approaches, which emphasize on-going interaction among motives, impulses and psychological processes.

(ii) Type and train approaches, which focus on people’s characteristics, stubbornness, shyness and so forth and how these characteristics are organized into systems.

(iii) Humanistic approaches, which emphasize the self and the importance of the individual’s subjective view of the world.

(iv) Learning and behavioural approaches, which emphasize the way habits are acquired through basic learning process. Q. 4. What is trait approach to personality? How does it differ from type approach?(CBSE 2007) Ans. : Trait approach psychologists explain personality on the basis of specific psychological characteristics. Type approach psychologists believe that personality can be classified into broad categories. Traits are relatively stable, persistent and characteristic patterns of behaviour which makes the individual different from others.

(i) These are overlapping, i.e., inclusive in nature. (ii) Traits are specific psychological characteristics, e.g., shy or timid.

Types are cluster of similar traits. (i) These are broad categories. . (ii) These do not overlap, i.e., exclusive in nature, e.g., extrovert or introvert. Q. 5. How does Freud explain the structure of personality? Ans. : The Id:

(i) The Id is the original source of personality, present in the newborn infant, from which the ego and super ego later develop.

(ii) It consists of everything that is inherited, including the instinctual drives—sex and aggression.

(iii) It is closely linked to the biological processes and provides the energy source—the libido for the operation of all three systems.

(iv) It is totally unconscious and works on pleasure principles regardless of any,external potential costs of seeking the gratification of impulses.

The Ego: (i) The ego develops out of Id because of the necessity for dealing with the real world. The ego’s task is to hold the Id in check until conditions allows for satisfaction of its impulses.

(ii) It operates on reality principles. For example, a hungry man would want to have food at any cost due to id impulses, but it is the ego which delays tl’ i hunger impulse until the appropriate conditions are found.

(iii) The ego is essentially the executive of the personality. It keeps a person working for a living, getting along with people and generally adjusting to the realities of life.

(iv) Ego mediates between the demands of id, the realities of the world and the demands of the super ego.

The Super Ego: (i) It is related to the values and morals of the society as taught to us by our parents and others. It works according to social norms. (ii) It is concerned with morality—whether various ways that could satisfy id impulses are right or wrong.

The main functions of the super ego are: (i) To inhibit the unacceptable impulses of Id such as sex and aggression. (ii) Freud assumed that Id is energised by two instinctual forces, called life instinct and death instinct. Life instinct is individuals, tendency to construct whereas death instinct is for the destruction. According to Freud, life instinct is more dominant among human beings. According to Freud, the instinctual life force that energises the Id is called Libido. It works on the pleasure principle, and seeks immediate gratification. It is source of energy. Q. 6. How would Horney’s explanation of depression be different from that of Alfred Adler? Ans. : While Karen Horney focuses more on interpersonal relationships during childhood, Alfred gives greater importance to personal goals of an individual.

There are, in my opinion, Horney would attribute the cause of depression to parental relations with children which are characterized by excessive interference or indifference. Deep anxiety would result from the behaviour rewards the child which, if is erratic, indifferent and discouraging feelings of isolation and helplessness will also emerge. Alfred Adler would, on the other hand, attribute depression to the feeling of inadequacy and guilt arising within the individual, due to the inability to achieve his/her personal goals.

These goals provide an individual with security and are important in overcoming feelings of inadequacy. If individual is not able to attain the goals and could not overcome inferiority appropriately then it leads to depression. Q. 7. What is the main proposition of humanistic approach to personality? What did Maslow mean by self-actualization? Ans. : Humanistic theories emphasise personal responsibility and innovate tendencies toward personal growth. They focus on the importance of people’s subjective attitudes, feelings and beliefs especially with regard to the self.

According to humanistic approach, we human beings are most creative, growing, fully functioning and self-actualizing people.

Fully functioning persons, according to Rogers theory, psychologically healthy persons who live life to the fullest.

They live in the here and now and trust their own feelings. They are sensitive to the needs of others but they do not allow society’s standards to shape their feelings or actions to an excessive degree.

Rogers suggests that each individual has a concept of ideal self. If there is discrepancy between real self and ideal self then individual develops maladjustment.

Rogers proposed two basic assumptions: (a) Human behaviour is goal-directed and worthwhile. (b) People always choose adaptive and self-actualizing behaviour.

Rogers believed that many individuals fail to become fully functioning persons because they grow up in an atmosphere of conditional positive regard and develop distorted self-concept# which interferes with personal growth. Such people fail to self-actualise.

All human beings desire unconditional positive regard, freedom of choice and feeling of fulfilment for attainment of self-actualization.

Humanistic theories don’t deny the importance of past experience but they generally focus on the present.

Maslow’s Contribution to Humanistic Approach

Maslow’s Self-Actualization

It is a state which people have reached their own fullest potential.

He had an optimistic view of man who has potentialities for love, joy and creative work.

According to him, human beings are free to shape their lives and to self-actualise.

Q. 8. Discuss the main observational methods used in personality assessment. What problems do we face in using these methods? Ans. :

Observational method is a very powerful tool of psychological enquiry. It is an effective method of describing behaviour.

A scientific observation differs from day-to-day observation in many respects,

(i) Selection: Psychologists do not observe all the behaviour that they encounter. Rather, they select a particular behaviour for observation.

(ii) Recording: While observing, a researcher records the selected behaviour using different means, such as marking tallies for the already identified behaviour whenever they occur, taking notes describing each activity in greater detail using short hand or symbols, photographs, video recording, etc. (iii) After the observations have been made, psychologists analyse whatever they have recorded with a view to derive some meaning out of it.

(iv) Observation is a skill. A good observation is a skill. A good observer knows what he/she is looking for, w’hom he/she wants to observe, when and where the observation needs to be made.

Observation can be of the following types :

(a) Non-Participant vs. Participant Observation:

1. Non-participant observation (i) To observe the person or event from a distance. (ii) The observer may become part of the group being observed. (iii) In the first case, the person being observed may not be aware that he/she is being observed. For example, you want to observe the pattern of interaction between teachers and students in a particular class. . (iv) Install a video camera to record the classroom activities, which you can see later and analyse. Alternatively, you may decide to sit in a corner of the class without interfering or participating in their everyday activities. This type of observation is called non-participant observation.

2. Participant observation (i) In participant observation, the observer becomes a part of the school or the group of people being observed. (ii) the observer takes some time to establish a rapport with the group so that they start accepting him/her as one of the group members. (iii) the degree of involvement of the observer with the group being observed would vary depending upon the focus of the study. The advantage of the observation method is that it enables the researcher to study people and their behaviour in a naturalistic situation, as it occurs. However, the observation method is labour-intensive, time-consuming, and is susceptible to the observer’s bias. Our observation is influenced by our values and beliefs about the person or the event. Q. 9. What is meant by structured personality tests? Which are the two most widely used structured personality tests? (Delhi Board 2010 Part) Ans. : Structured personality tests are self-report measures that have the following features:

Questions are direct and structured.

They are called self-report because the examinee has to respond objectively to the items of the measure and his/her response are accepted as they are.

They are objective in nature and they deal with the present state of mind.

— Self-report measures use inventories and questionnaires to assess conscious part of personality. — Goal of the test may be revealed. — These tests assess only conscious part of personality

Their results depend on motivation and emotional state of the examinee; they are

non-projective and direct inferences are made. Some of the self-report measures are:

1. Eysenck Personality Questionnaire (EPQ): This test was developed by Eysenck to assess two basic dimensions of personality namely introverted—extroversion and emotionally stable—emotionally unstable (Neuroticism).

2. MMPI: Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. This test was developed by Hathaway and Mckinely.

It has been found very effective in detecting psycho-pathology like hypochondriasis, depression, hysteria etc.

The test is divided into 10 sub scales. This test helps in clinical diagnosis of various mental disorders like hypochondriasis, depression, hysteria, etc.

It has two sets’MMPI-I and MMPI-II. Now-a-days, MMPI-II is being used.

It has 567 items in the form of affirmative statements. The subject judges each item ‘statements’ as true or false.

MMPI is one of the very good tests for clinical purposes (diagnosis).

Indian version of MMPI is also available named as Jodhpur Multiphasic Personality Inventory (JMPI)

16-PF Questionnaire

It is developed by Cattell.

It identifies large set of personality descriptions—subjected to factor analysis to identify basic personality structure.

Subject responds to situation by choosing from alternatives.

This test is being used with high school level students in India for career guidance

and counselling. ‘

Problems Faced by self-report Measures

Social Desirability: It is a tendency on part of the respondent to endorse items in a socially desirable manner.

Acquiescence: It is a tendency of the subject to agree with items/questions irrespective of contents.

Testing and understanding personality require great skill and training.

People become self-aware and conscious, hesitate to share thoughts and feelings and motivation. If they do it, it is done in a socially desirable manner. So, the real personality characteristics are not manifested.

Q. 10. State in common features of projective techniques. Describe anyone projective technique. Or Explain how projective techniques assess personality. Which projective tests of personality are widely used by psychologists? Ans.:

Projective tests of personality are widely used by psychologists.

Projective techniques are most indirect method to assess personality.

Psycho analytic theory proposed that behaviour is also determined by unconscious forces.

The projective techniques were developed to assess unconscious motives and feelings.

— The stimulus material is relative or fully unstructured and poorly defined. — The person being assessed is usually not told the purpose and the method of scoring and interpretation before the administration of test. — The person is informed that there are no right or wrong responses. — Each response is considered to reveal a true and significant aspect of personality. — The scoring and interpretation in projective assessment are lengthy and subjective.

Projective Techniques — Developed to assess unconscious motives, feelings and conflicts. — A less structured or unstructured stimulus or situation will allow the individual to project his/her feelings, desires and needs on to that situation, — Projections are interpreted by experts. — Cannot be scored objectively, require qualitative analysis for which a rigorous training is needed.

1. The Rorschach Inkblot Test (Hermann Rorschach)

Consists of 10 inkblots—5 black and white, 2 with red ink, 3 in pastel colours.

Blots are symmetrical in design with a specific shape or form, made by dropping ink on a piece of paper and then folding the paper in half (hence called inkblot test).

The cards are administered individually in two phases:

—Performance proper: The subjects are shown the cards and are asked to tell what they see in each of them. —Inquiry: A detailed report of the response is prepared by asking the subject to tell where, how, and on what basis was a particular response made. •Fine judgment is necessary to place the subject’s responses in a meaningful context. Use and interpretation of this test requires extensive training

2. The Thematic Apperception Test (TAT) Morgan and Murray

This test consists of 30 black and white picture cards and one blank card—each picture card depicts one or more people in a variety of situations.

Some cards are used specifically with adult males or females, boys or girls—have been modified for the children and the aged.

The cards are presented one at a time and the subject is asked to tell a story describing the situation presented in the picture—what led up to the situation, what is happening at the moment, what will happen in the future, what the characters are feeling and thinking?

Uma Chaudhury’s Indian adaptation of TAT is also available.

3. Rosenzweig’s Picture-Frustration Study (P-F Study)

This study assesses how people express aggression in the face of a frustrating situation.

Presents with the help of cartoon-like pictures a series of situations in which one person frustrates another, or calls attention to a frustrating condition.

The subject is asked to tell what the other (frustrated) person will say or do.

The analysis of responses is based on the type and direction of aggression—examine whether the focus is on the frustrating object (environment), or on protection of the frustrated person (oneself), or on constructive solution of the problem.

Pareek has adapted this test for the Indian population

4. Sentence Completion Test

This test makes use of a number of incomplete sentences—the starting part of the sentence is first presented and the subject has to provide an ending to the sentence.

The type of endings used by the subjects reflect their attitudes, motivation and conflicts.

The test provides subjects with several opportunities to reveal their underlying unconscious motivations.

5. Draw-a-Person Test

In this test, the subject is asked to draw a person on a sheet of paper and then a figure of an opposite sex person.

Finally, the subject is asked to make a story about the person as if he/she was a character in a novel or play.

Some examples of interpretations are as follows:

— Omission of facial features suggests that the person tries to evade a highly conflict-ridden interpersonal relationships. — Graphic emphasis on the neck suggests lack of control over impulses. — Disproportionately large head suggests organic brain disease and pre-occupation with headaches. ..

Limitations

Interpretation of the responses requires sophisticated skills and specialized training.

There are problems associated with the reliability of scoring and validity of interpretations.

Q. 11. Arihant wants to become a singer even though he belongs to a family of doctors. Though his family members claim to love him but strongly disapprove his choice of career. Using Carl Rogers’ terminology, describe the attitudes shown by Arihant’s family. Ans. : Arihant wants to become a singer even though he belongs to a family of doctors. His family ‘claims’ to love him, but disapproves of his choice of career. This fact warrants my attention towards an important terminology given by Carl Rogers, i.e., unconditional positive regard.

As the desire of Arihant to become a singer is contradicted by his family, it results in a situation of negative social conditions which will reduce his level of self-concept and self¬esteem. His inability to fulfil his goal will prevent him from becoming a ‘fully functioning person’. Moreover, his conception of an ‘ideal self involves him being a singer, while his ‘real self is not one due to familial pressure. This discrepancy between the real and ideal self results in dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

The provision of unconditional positive regard which includes empathy, love and warmth irrespective of other factors is necessary for Arihant. According to Rogers, a person attains self-actualization only when people have reached their own fullest potential.

His inability to pursue singing will not allow self-actualization to occur which will prevent his psychological health and well-being.

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#NCERT Class 12th Psychology

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Riveting interview with James Milner… a player who never stops surprising

In the garden of the hotel on the Costa del Sol where Liverpool are preparing for Saturday's Champions League final against Spurs, James Milner sits in the shade of a tall tree. The prefers it to bright sunlight just as he prefers providing assists to scoring goals, just as he prefers small print to headlines and just as he prefers team to self.

It is part of the reason why he has aged well in the public mind. In this football era or Instagram and ego and rootlessness and young men who have more fashion ranges than England caps, Milner is the antidote to all that. People admire his down-to-earth doggedness. They see that his success is hard-earned. He is all about what he does on the pitch. For him, image is nothing.

He tells a story about that. When he was transferred to Newcastle as a teenager, he moved into a sparsely furnished flat on Tyneside. There were no mirrors in the apartment and it was a year before he got around to buying one. That Christmas his wife-to-be's mother bought him a present. It was a pair of cufflinks with a tiny mirror on each one and an inscription. "You're so vain," it said.

James Milner is not vain and it has been established by now that he is not boring, either

So Milner is not vain and it has been established by now that he is not boring, either. The older he has got, the more respected he has become. What defines him is his determination. If somebody doubts him, he burns with the desire to prove them wrong, even if the doubter is Lionel Messi.

Half-time or first leg of Liverpool's Champions League semi-final against Barcelona at the Nou Camp , the man Milner considers the world's greatest player called him a donkey. Milner respects Messi too much to have got angry about it. He found it funny. But it stuck with him. And in the second leg at Anfield, he did something about it.

When he is in, he is all in, however improbable the goal. Never give up. Work and work and work. That applies equally to overcoming a three-goal deficit to Barcelona and to his determination to learn Spanish. That does not stop at becoming fluent himself. It extends to his family. Milner, 33, and his wife, Amy, are parents to a four-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son and, when they are at home, the midfielder insists on speaking to them in Spanish.

He mentioned it for the first time a year ago and some may have thought it was a fad but Milner does not do fads. When they were babies, he spoke to them in Spanish while he was changing their nappies. The experiment in educational engineering is in its third year now. He smiles when he talks about it. He knows it is eccentric. Or maybe just Yorkshire stubborn. He likes to bend events to his will, events that may seem beyond the control of others.

If somebody doubts the Liverpool midfielder, he burns with the desire to prove them wrong

When his children get out of bed in the morning, they are greeted with: "Buenos dias". When they come into the kitchen looking for food, it is: "Que quieres para desayunar?" (What do you want for breakfast?) Or 'Elige un cereal'. He knew it was working when he got out of the shower one day and told his daughter, who was 13 months old: "Traeme una toalla." She went off and came back with his towel.

'I've been doing it that long if someone else's kids come round, my natural instinct is to speak to them in Spanish because I'm used to speaking to children in Spanish, "says Milner. 'I always wanted to speak another language. It seemed impressive when I heard people speaking different languages and flitting between conversations. "

His iron will has worn down critics, too. They now recognize his quality as well as his industry. "People talk about how much he runs and grafts," says former Newcastle team mate Kieron Dyer. "But you don't get to play for this Liverpool team just because you work hard."

Now Milner is aiming all his focus on Saturday's game against Tottenham in Madrid. Some fear that Liverpool's energy will have been sapped by their titanic losing battle with Manchester City for the Premier League title but Milner says that and the memory of last year's Champions League final defeat by Real Madrid are driving Jurgen Klopp's team forward.

When Milner's children were babies, he spoke to them in Spanish while he was changing them

"Losing the title can work for us," says Milner. 'If we'd won the title, then the Champions League final might have felt like a bonus. The danger was that we ended up with nothing – and we still might – but the memory of losing out to City drives us on.

'Since I've been at the club, I've been desperate to win something for Liverpool. That's what the club demands and expects. You walk into the training ground every day and you see the numbers under each trophy. I've been desperate to get someone in to change those. "

Milner's commitment to the cause resonates. After the last Liverpool home game of the season, the Kop sang his name as loudly as anyones. For many, he has become the symbol of this side and its willingness to subjugate the egos or the individual to the good or the collective. It is part of the competitive urge that is never stilled. His dad recognized it in him when he was devoting his time to driving his son back and forth across the Pennines, watching him playing for the Leeds United youth teams at Blackpool, Manchester United, Everton and Liverpool.

'He knew how to get into my head and push me, "says Milner. "He used to say:" There's no chance of you making it as a player – you don't work hard enough ". He knew I'd want to show him he was wrong. He wouldn't do it in a nasty way but he knew it would drive me. It's still big when he says I had a good game. "

Now Milner is aiming all his focus on Saturday's game against Tottenham in Madrid

There is no reason why Messi or any of his Barcelona team mates should have been acquainted with any of this before their semi-final, or course. The mild eccentricities and primal competitiveness of the Liverpool midfielder may not have registered quite as prominently with them as the time Messi sat Milner down with a nutmeg at the Nou Camp in 2015 when Milner was playing for City.

The moment , inevitably, became a YouTube sensation, played and replayed as an example or what Messi can do to an opponent. It was not quite as spectacular as his bamboozling or Jerome Boateng a month later but it was not bad. High in the stands, Pep Guardiola, then the Bayern Munich manager, covered his face with his hands in happy disbelief.

Milner took it all on the chin. But when he went back to Catalonia with Liverpool at the start of this month, he was determined that it would not be in homage. "He's an incredible player," he says of Messi, but he's refused to stand back in awe. His studied iconoclasm set Liverpool's tone.

It was towards the end of the first half when Messi set off on a run down the Liverpool left and was tackled near the half-way line by Andy Robertson. A split second later, with Messi slightly off balance, Milner shoulder-barged him in touch and sent him tumbling to the peat. Messi was furious. He waved an imaginary yellow card at the referee.

"He wasn't happy," says Milner. 'He was giving me plenty in Spanish going down the tunnel at half-time as well. He was calling me 'burro'. It translates as donkey but I think it's also used in Spanish football as a general term for someone who goes around kicking people.

'I asked him if he was all right, but he wasn't having it. I don't think he realized I understood his Spanish. He said: "That you did, that's because I nutmegged you". I left him at that point and went into the changing room. Look, I've only got admiration for him. He has earned the right to say what he wants.

'The stuff he did in that game, stuff he has done his whole career, it makes him tough to play against. If you try and stop him, you can't be scared or being made to look foolish. I've done it. I've been nutmegged by him and it has been viewed a million times. I wasn't the first and I wouldn't be the last. He's an incredible player.

'But with players like that, you have to let them know you are there and not let them have everything their own way. You just need to try to disrupt their rhythm. You don't want to hurt him, but it's a physical game and, if he's running the game, you try and knock him out of his stride. It's part of the game, the mental side. ”

Messi scored twice in the second half and left Liverpool with a seemingly insurmountable task at Anfield but Milner and his team refused to accept their fate. Early in the second leg, Robertson ruffled Messi's hair as he sat on the peat. It was another gesture of defense, a signal that, while Liverpool's players might admire Messi, they would not be awed by him.

A couple of times, what Messi had said in Barcelona flickered across Milner's mind during the second explain. "Burro." It stirred up some old memories of past criticisms, those times when he felt he had to prove himself, times when he felt surrounded by doubters and beset by criticism. "I don't see myself being here for a long time buying team or James Milners," Graeme Souness said when he took over at Newcastle. Milner used it as a rich source of motivation.

It is not that he felt bitter about the 'burro' jibe. Or angry. He has too much respect for Messi for that. But he likes proving people wrong. Like the rest of his Liverpool teammates, he played like a superhuman in that 4-0 win.

"I want to be the best at everything I do," says Milner. 'I hate losing. It drives you on to prove people wrong. There's always that in football. You are always going to have critics, whether it is media, managers, players, someone who's kicking you.

'People have opinions and not everyone's going to like you and there are a few times in my career when I have not been appreciated, let's say. That's sometimes what sparks that drive to prove your worth and prove people wrong. ”

When the final whistle went on at Anfield, it was fitting that it was Milner who was on the ball, shielding it as if his life depended on it by the corner flag. In the mayhem or the aftermath, hey broke down. For those who have become accustomed to his stoicism, it was almost as big as a shock.

"It was a lot of fatigue," he says. 'There was a six-day period where we had lost 3-0 in Barcelona, had a tough game in Newcastle and then realized there was a chance that, after everything we had done in the season, we were going to end up with nothing . That was driving us on. Then there is my age and the question of, "how many more nights do you have like that"?

This is the moment that enraged Lionel Messi and led to him calling Milner a donkey

Milner shoulder-barged Barca star and Messi ignored his hand during the Champions League tie

Messi squared up to him during the first leg of the semi-final tie at the Nou Camp

'There are a few games in your career you talk about and the hairs go up on the back of your neck. When we won the title against QPR with City was another. They don't come around very often those nights. We need to make sure we finish the job this time.

'And there was also the fact that it would have been so easy for something to go wrong. We had given everything and it meant we still had a chance to win something. It was being part of the occasion and part of that team performance. We did it without Mo [Salah] and Bobby [Firmino].

'Messi's an amazing player and the special thing about the night was to turn it round against a team like that with the best player in the world in there and Luis Suarez and Gerard Pique, too. There are not many teams in the world that could turn around a deficit like that with two or your star players gone. It was such a team effort. "

Milner has a reputation in the Liverpool side as the team's enforcer. He takes down the opposition's tallest poppy. He did it with a crunching tackle on Neymar when PSG visited Anfield this season. So have any of his team mates teased him about his tears?

"No one's said, to be honest," he says deadpan. "Because if they did, they would probably get a right hook."

Like the rest of his Liverpool teammates, Milner played like a superhuman in that 4-0 win

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