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burntheedges-updates · 9 months

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over again, chapter 5: staying over

This is my updates-only blog! Follow me at @burntheedges Joel Miller x f!reader summary: you fell in love with Joel Miller in Austin, Texas, in 2001, but you thought you lost him and your whole family in 2003 when the world turned upside down. now it's 2024, and you find the surprise of your life waiting for you in Jackson, Wyoming. or, five times you and Joel fell deeper in love, on both sides of the apocalypse (and one time you did something about it) 18+ minors DNI chapter tags/warnings: fluff, flirting, banter, angst, implied heavy angst (sorry), kissing, pet names (darlin’, baby, honey, pretty girl), Joel calls reader a good girl, neck grabbing (no breath play), light manhandling, grinding, spit kink, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), p in v sex (no condom this time, he’s 56 and she’s 49, but use a condom, y’all), creampie, masturbation, praise kink, light anal play, face sitting, if I missed anything please let me know! a/n: Well, this is part 5 of the 5+1. I can’t believe it. Next week we have the +1, which is the epilogue. I’m sorry in advance for the first part. Check ao3 for notes to skip the smut. word count: 5.5k | series main post | series playlist | ao3 | ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4

Chapter 5: Staying Over

Boston, September 26, 2003

Your phone rang at 6:30 AM, rudely interrupting a dream that involved Joel, no pants, and a very sturdy table.

“...h’llo?” you mumbled into the receiver.

“Morning, darlin’.”

“Joel?” You yawned. “Baby, it’s 5:30 in the morning in Austin. Why are you calling me?”

“Well, baby, you see, it’s my birthday, but my fiance is all the way across the country in Boston at some fancy conference. I thought maybe she might like to help me start my day right, put me in a good mood before our daughter wakes up and makes me eat one of her culinary science experiments.” You heard what sounded like sheets rustling on his end of the phone and you started to smile.

“Joel, she cooks the eggs that way because it’s how you taught her.”

He hummed and murmured your name. “Come on, baby.”

“You looking for a little phone sex, Miller? What are you wearing?”

He laughed, but he answered, “Nothing, pretty girl. What are you wearing?”

As he asked, you were already kicking off your pajamas. “What a coincidence! Nothing here, either.”

“Mmm wish I could see it.”

“Just one more day, baby, and then I’ll be home and you can keep me naked in your bed all night.”

“That’s our bed, darlin’. For the rest of our lives.”

You smiled, just like you did every time Joel reminded you that you’d be waking up next to each other every day from now on. He’d done this a lot since you’d moved in at the start of the summer, taking advantage of your free time after the school year ended. Though really you’d spent almost every night together since he proposed in December.

“Well, tell me what you’re doing, baby. Or what you want me to do. What do you want, birthday boy?”

“I want you to touch yourself. Tell me everything you’re doing and how it feels. Can you do that for me, pretty girl?” You hummed, and slipped your hand between your legs. “Of course you can. That’s my good girl.”

...

Jackson, Spring 2024

(the same night you went to the bar)

You feel like you’ve lived a thousand lives since you met Tommy and Joel outside your house earlier. First the dance, then the panic attack, then the kiss. The almost-more-than-a kiss. Outside. Where people could see you. Your face gets hot again at the thought of it.

Slumped by your door, you tell yourself to breathe and calm down. You put your palms over your eyes and tilt your head back against the door, taking some time to breathe deeply and slow your racing heart.

You’re afraid to let yourself think about it — you can feel the tears behind your eyes, ready to fall. You focus on your breath.

It sort of works, enough for you to get yourself together and stand, starting to move away from the door.

You’ve only made it a few steps away when there’s a knock, and your heart starts to race again. Your hands are shaking.

Before you even open it, you know who’s standing on the other side. You barely pull it open a few inches before you see his hand appear as he grabs the side of the door, and then his arm as he pushes it open, and then Joel himself is in front of you again, moving straight towards you. He doesn’t even step inside all the way before he’s kissing you, the hand on the door pushing it shut and the other grabbing you by the neck. You wrap your arms around him, opening for him and deepening the kiss immediately. He turns and pushes you against the door, from the inside this time, palm flat against your collar bone.

You gasp, chest heaving. Joel rests his forehead against yours. “I was standing in my empty house, frozen, and realized I had no idea what I was doing there, away from you.” He brushes his hands down your arms and around your waist, pulling you closer. “What the hell was I thinking? Can’t believe I kissed you like that ‘n walked away.”

You laugh, so, so relieved, feeling lighter than you have in years. “Me neither, baby.”

He turns his head, nosing along your ear and then down your neck, skimming his lips lightly across your shoulder. You shiver.

“You got plans tonight, pretty girl?” He says it playfully, knowing you’ll pick up on it, that you’ll remember it too. It makes you laugh again and tear up at the same time.

“Just s- some cowboy who wants t- to get in my pants.” You know your lines, but you can barely get them out past the emotions bubbling up inside of you. You can feel him smirk against your neck.

“Oh?” His left hand moves from your waist around to the front of your jeans, deftly undoing the button and starting to lower the zipper slowly. “And are you going to let him?”

“I dunno. You think he’s any good?” You’re smiling so wide it hurts.

At that, Joel moves his hand inside your open pants to cup your pussy firmly, holding you tight over your underwear. You’re on fire, blood rushing in your ears. “You know he is, baby.”

You have to ask, even when all you want is to let him fuck you right there, against the door. You push your hands through his hair. “Not taking it slow after all?”

He softens his grip on you and brings his lips to your ear, resting his forehead against the side of your head. Your eyes slip shut. “We’ve got a lot to work out, sure, but I was standing there alone and I just realized I don’t want to spend any more of my life away from you, not if I don’t have to. Not when you’re right here barely 50 feet away from me.” He presses a kiss to your jaw, just in front of your ear. “I don’t know how I got so lucky to find you twice in this fucked up life, but I ain’t turning it down.” He brings his right palm up to cup your face. “We’ve never let fear take over before and I don’t want to now. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to do this together. I want you.”

You inhale sharply and feel a tear run down your cheek. He sees it and thumbs it away. “What about you, baby? What do you want?”

You open your eyes, meeting his gaze in the dim light of your hallway. Your hands are in his hair and his hand is still cupping your pussy, holding you gently. You know he can feel how wet you are, just from this. You curve your hips forwards and watch his eyes darken.

“Fuck slow. I never stopped wanting you, Joel. I want you to take me to my bed and make me forget the 20 years I spent without you in it. And I want you to do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and to keep doing it every night for the rest of our lives.”

His grip tightens on your pussy as he smiles at you, slow. You see a glimpse of that cocky cowboy who swept you off your feet in 2001 in the corners of his mouth and the tilt of his brow.

So fast it makes your head spin, he pulls his hand from your pants and goes to whisk you away towards the stairs with his arms around your waist. He pulls you close to lean on him, taking some of your weight. “Let’s get to it, then.”

“Joel Miller! Let me walk. We’re going to need those ancient back muscles, in a minute.” He laughs.

“Alright, alright.” He slides his hands to rest on your hips. “I know we’re old now, baby, but I bet I can still make you come at least three times tonight.” You laugh, even as you feel his effect on you running through your veins and pooling in your underwear.

“Big talk, cowboy. Don’t count on that everytime, not these days.”

He hums in your ear. “You know I’m good for it.”

You grab his hand and pull him up the stairs behind you and into your bedroom, turning and sitting on the bed. He’s on you before you can move, pulling your shoes off and your pants down your legs and tossing them somewhere across the room. You take the opportunity to strip off your shirt, moving your hands to his belt once you’re done.

He takes off his shirt and it makes you stop and stare, eyes roving over his strong chest and arms, somehow stronger than when you last saw him like this. You look up at him and realize you’re sitting frozen on the bed with your hands on his belt, and you smirk as you loosen it and then undo his jeans.

He inhales slowly and reaches forward to brush his thumb across your lips as you pull him from his underwear, shifting your gaze from his face to his hard cock.

You begin to lean forward, mouth opening, tongue darting out for a taste, when he catches you by the throat and your eyes dart back up to meet his gaze. He’s looking down at you with half-lidded eyes and a lazy smirk on his face.

“Now, pretty girl, did I say you could do that?”

You squirm, so aroused you can feel the mess you’re making. “Please, baby?” You meet his eyes and run your tongue across your bottom lip. “It’s been so long.”

“You know I love that pretty mouth. But I think we should make sure of something right quick.”

You tilt your head, questioning. Not sure what he means. He shoves your shoulder, pushing you to back up and lie on the bed before kicking off his jeans and underwear and crawling over you. He lowers himself so that his cock is brushing your stomach and whispers in your left ear, “Only good girls get to suck this cock, baby, you know that. Are you still my good girl?”

You breathe in so sharply it’s almost a sob, and clutch at him. “Yes, Joel,” you breathe. “Always.”

He sits up a bit and smiles at you, and you can see it all there in his expression. This man is the love of your life, and it’s still mutual. You still fit together like this perfectly. You close your eyes against the swell of emotion you feel at realizing how well you go together, even after all this time.

“I thought so. Why don’t you show me how good you can be, pretty girl, and touch yourself.” You immediately move to do as he says, and he leans to the side to watch. “Let me see you get wet for me, baby.”

“I’m already wet, Joel.” You feel him settle in next to you as he watches your hand move between your legs. He pushes your left leg up and to the side, opening you up for his view.

“I want you so wet you soak the bed, baby. I want you so wet it feels like silk when my cock slips inside that pussy.” You moan at his words, watching him watch your hand. He sits up to get a better look.

You open your legs wider and use your fingers to spread your folds with one hand while you start to tease yourself with the other. You move your fingers lightly from your hole to your clit, dancing around it as you watch his reaction. You know your body looks different now, but under his gaze you feel the same as you did every time he looked at you back then – beautiful, desirable. Loved. Like he looks at you and sees you.

You circle your clit, letting the feeling build just a bit before moving your fingers down to your entrance. You push your hips forward slightly, watching as he leans forward. You slip one finger inside and he licks his bottom lip, gaze intent.

“So pretty, baby. Such a pretty pussy, always so pretty for me.” He doesn’t look away from your fingers as he says it.

You slip a second finger inside you, starting to pump them in and out, but it’s not enough. Your fingers aren’t big enough, never have been, not after having his. You squirm a little, trying to go deeper. He sees your struggle and smirks. “You need help, pretty girl?”

You bite your lip, nodding. “Please, Joel. I need your fingers, baby, I missed them so much.”

“Yeah?” He smooths his hand up your leg, closer and closer to where you want him. “You need it that bad?”

“Yes!” You cry out, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Shhh, let me help you. I’ll give you everything you want, baby.” He pulls your hands from your pussy and pins them to the bed by your hips. He holds them here as he leans down, inches away from your open pussy, taking a good, long look. You squirm. “Joel–”

“Patience.” He nips at your thigh. “Let me look at you.” He does, and you watch him do it, helpless. “I missed this, so much. This right here.”

He leans down and slowly licks you, tongue flat and mouth wide open, lingering over your clit and meeting your eyes. “You taste so damn good, baby, thought I’d never get to taste this again.” You revel in the feeling of his beard scratching against your pussy as he licks you again, slow. You feel yourself getting wetter as you clutch the sheets in your fists.

He lifts one hand but eyes you, so you know he wants you to keep your hand where it is. He uses his fingers to spread open your folds, and looks down again, licking his lips. He looks up to meet your eyes again – you can feel yourself staring, mouth open, breathing hard but silent – and he smirks. “I don’t think you’re wet enough yet, baby.”

You know what’s coming before he does it, but the anticipation makes you squirm. He opens his mouth and lets you see him gather the spit on his tongue before he lets it slip off the tip, right onto your clit, exposed by his fingers holding you open. You throw your head back and moan. “That’s my girl.” With that, he leans back down, and puts his mouth to work right where you both want it. You buck your hips up and he pushes them back down with his right hand. “Easy, pretty girl. Let me get my taste of this perfect pussy.”

He takes both hands and throws your legs over his shoulders, returning his mouth to your clit and sucking lightly. You whine, and it spurs him on. “Fuck, Joel.” He reaches down with one hand to tease you at your entrance while the other reaches up around your leg to pinch your nipple as he takes your clit in your teeth. He looks up and catches your eye, keeping eye contact as his touch sets you aflame – twisting your nipple gently, sucking and tonguing your clit, and slowly sinking his finger inside you, all at once. You stop breathing for a moment, overwhelmed at the competing sensations.

Joel winks at you and then returns to his work. He thrusts one finger inside of you, curling it upwards at the end of every thrust. You’re astonished to feel your orgasm building, right then and there, so quick and so strong. You know he can tell – your breath speeds up and you clench your fists tight. Your legs start to shake and you clench down on his fingers, a second joining the first, fucking you perfectly.

Joel plays your entire body perfectly, even though he hasn’t touched it in 20 years. It’s masterful, like he never forgot a single detail, and it brings tears to your eyes. Fuck.

You’re so close, but you’re teetering right on the edge. He smooths his left hand down your torso, pressing down gently on your pelvis. He lifts his head up, fingers twisting inside of you, and says, “show me how good you are, pretty girl. Come on my face.”

And you do. He immediately returns his mouth to your clit, sucking on it, and it tips you over the edge. You haven’t had an orgasm like this in 20 years and it launches through your body like a rocket. It overwhelms every bit of you, body and mind, setting you on fire in its wake. You cry out and lose yourself in it.

You’re slow to come down but as you do you realize you’ve locked your thighs around Joel’s head.

He seems happy with his plight, though, as he continues licking at your hole, teasing his tongue up inside of you as he removes his fingers. Like a man dying of thirst, finally given water.

You open your legs and tug him away by the hair, overstimulated. “I missed the way you taste, baby. Even better than I remembered.” His face is glistening and his eyelids are heavy, dark eyes watching you. He clears his throat. “That was one. You ready for another?” He grins. You shake your head at him, and laugh, incredulous.

“Show me what you can do, cowboy.” You’re breathless, boneless.

He turns his head and kisses your thigh, leaving a trail of moisture from his face as he moves slowly up to your knee. Then he licks, tongue flat, all the way from your knee back to your hip, where he digs in a little with his tongue at the crease of your thigh. You let your legs fall apart at the sensation. “I want you to give me another one, baby. Turn over.” You think you know what he wants, and your heart starts to race even faster.

You sit up, a little unsteady, arms shaking, and turn over so you’re on all fours. He nips at your ass and you know it’s because he approves. You feel him shifting around as you hang your head between your shoulders. Then you feel his hands smooth up the back of your thighs and you realize he’s on his back, face right under your pussy.

“Sit down, baby. Put that pretty pussy right on my face.” You shiver. You know he means it. He taps your ass when you don’t move right away.

You lower your hips, sliding your knees apart on the bed and feeling them ache a little, sitting up at the same time. You look down and you can see him waiting for you, a wicked grin on his face. “That’s it, be a good girl and sit down right here for me.”

He reaches up and pulls your hips down and you do. Back Before, you used to worry you’d smother him like this, until one night he made you sit down, weight dropped fully onto him, and he moaned louder than you’d ever heard him. He wanted you like that, all over him, smothering him, taking over all of his senses. You were happy to oblige.

You sink onto his face and you feel his mouth open to meet you. His tongue licks at you and then sinks right inside, smooth and soft. “Yes, baby,” you sigh. He twists his tongue inside and then closes his lips around your hole, kissing you there like he would kiss your mouth. And then he sucks, lightly, making your entire body shiver in response.

As you start to rock your hips he encourages it, squeezing your hips and pulling you up and down on his face, thrusting his tongue in time with your hips. His nose starts to catch on your clit and your breath hitches at every thrust. You moan, loudly. You start to lose yourself in it, head flung back, thrusting harder than you’d let yourself if you could think straight, but he moans in response and scrapes his teeth lightly around your hole.

The noises he’s making are obscene.

Joel’s hands leave your hips and sneak around to your ass, grabbing both cheeks and squeezing. On the next rock of your hips he lets go with his left hand and lightly trails his fingers between your cheeks, touching the pad of one finger to your asshole. You whine and push your hips back to meet it. You can feel his grin at your response.

He uses his right hand to pull you towards his face while his left toys with your ass and his tongue continues to stoke the fire inside of you. You grab his right wrist with one hand and his hair with the other as you grind down on his face. He sucks at your hole and pulls down with his hands to hold you down.

You throw your head back again, lost in the moment. Your orgasm is close, creeping over you, sending tingles down your spine. You clench around his tongue. “Fuck, Joel, your mouth. I’m gonna come, baby,” you whisper, overcome.

You don’t know if he can hear you, but you know he can tell. He always could, and he always knew just how to push you over the edge. He pushes you back a little with his right hand, and then tugs you back down, thrusting his tongue inside of you and curling it upwards.

His mouth is open wide, so wide you feel it everywhere as he sucks at your hole and grinds his nose into your clit.The tip of middle finger just breaches your asshole.

Your orgasm slams into you and you cry out, tensing all over and closing his head between your thighs. You clench on his tongue and his finger, holding him inside you in both places as the fire rushes over you again. This one is stronger but it passes more quickly and you find yourself toppling forward as it leaves you. You catch yourself on one hand, and look down at Joel.

He’s fucking wrecked, face covered in your juices, and totally blissed out. He looks like he’s achieved a higher plane of existence, eyes closed, breathing heavy and licking his lips. You both just breathe for a moment, completely winded.

And then he opens his eyes.

His gaze immediately locks on yours, and he growls. It happens so fast you barely follow it, but suddenly he’s up again and flips you onto your back. “Never thought I’d get to have this again.” His voice is low and you feel it rumble deep through your chest. He pulls you down the bed by the hips, spreading your legs and wrapping them around his waist. “This perfect fucking pussy, fucking made for me.” His left hand comes up and wraps around your throat, just holding you, as his right reaches down to rest the tip of his cock at your entrance. You can feel it there, just barely pushing at you, notched in place.

You gasp, overwhelmed, and beg him, “please, Joel. I need you.”

He leans over you, right hand coming to rest by your head, forehead pressed to yours as he whispers your name. “I want to live right here, in bed, with you. I want to pass my days with my face buried in your pussy. I want you to sit on my cock until you can’t take it, until you cry, until you forget what it feels like not to be full of me. I want you right here with me every day until I die. Just like we promised.” With the last word, he sinks into you, steadily, filling you all the way up until his hips meet yours. You sob and clutch at his shoulders.

“I want you just like this. Beautiful and overwhelmed. Full of my cock. So wet you’re dripping. Needy and at my mercy.” He squeezes your neck gently, just the way you like. He leans down and captures your mouth, tangling your tongues together as he twists his hips a little, keeping himself fully inside of you. You taste yourself on his tongue.

“I want you, honey. What do you want?”

You reach up and grab his ass in both hands, squeezing.

“I want that too, baby, want to do that, be that for you.” You take a deep breath and look him straight in the eye.

“And right now I want you to fuck me, Joel Miller, and I want you to mean it.”

He grins wider than you’ve seen him, since you found him again. He looks younger and a bit wild. “That’s my good girl.” His words sink into you like a stone falling into a pool, sending ripples down your spine.

And then he does.

He pulls out, almost all the way, and then pounds into you. He finds a rhythm and keeps it up, resting his forehead on yours and sliding his left hand behind your neck. You breathe each other in as you lift your hips to his, chasing the same high. You can feel it, dancing ahead of you, as his cock fills you just right with every thrust. He drops his head to your shoulder and moves his right hand down to your clit. “One more, baby,” he murmurs in your right ear. “Give me one more. I need to feel your pussy squeeze me tight.” You close your eyes and fall into it, letting him sweep you away. His hips speed up as his fingers match his thrusts in rhythm on your clit and you cling to him, just trying to hold on with your arms and legs.

He’s pushing you higher and higher, just about there, and you squeeze your pussy tight right when he squeezes the back of your neck. He opens his mouth and bites down on your shoulder and your vision goes white. You clench around him, crying out his name, and his hips stutter as he follows you upwards and over. You hear him say your name, over and over again, as your orgasms slam into you both and then leave you loose and tingling in their wake.

You’re both breathing hard when he reaches down to ease his cock out of you before flopping down on his back at your side. He groans. You can’t move your legs, and you tell him so. He huffs a weak laugh in response.

Somehow Joel finds the strength to roll over and reach for his shirt, which he uses to clean you both up. You smile, knowing he’s going to be annoyed with himself for doing that in the morning. He flops back down and pulls you into him on his left, hitching your thigh over his leg and pulling you close with an arm around your waist. The position is at once so familiar, like an echo, and so longed for that it makes you dizzy.

“Not sure our backs ‘n knees are up for all that vigorous activity anymore, darlin’.” He’s breathless as he says it, and you can hear his heart racing under your ear on his chest.

You know he’s right - your pussy is throbbing a little and you know it won’t go that way every time, not these days. But you tease him anyway. “Speak for yourself, old man, I’m still young and limber.” He laughs. “Got seven years on you, anyway.”

He nuzzles into your hair, squeezing the wrist you’ve thrown across his chest with his right hand. “Still blew me away, baby, even if my back is killing me. Fucking made for me, I told you.”

You inhale deeply, and settle onto his chest. His scent is comforting and it settles something inside of you that hasn’t been settled in a long, long time. “Made for each other, more like. I missed you so goddamn much, Joel.”

“I missed you too, darlin’. Every fucking day. Even when I pretended I wasn’t thinking about it.” He takes a deep breath, pulling you closer. “I hope you weren’t alone for all of it. I – well, I –” You know what he’s getting at, so you interrupt before he can twist himself up into knots.

“I know about Tess, Joel. Tommy told me. I’m glad you had someone.”

“Course he did. Well, I’m glad you know.” He sighs.

“I do, but Joel, I had someone too. For a little while, anyway. That’s why he told me, I told him first.” You take a deep breath. “It was in Atlanta. We were as much as we could be for each other, which wasn’t enough probably. But we did ok. She was…” You close your eyes, remembering Michelle. He brushes his hand down your back, soothing you. “She was good, and kind, even in the apocalypse when most of us were hard. Including me.”

“I’m glad you had someone. I wish I was there, of course, but I wouldn’t want you to be alone, all that time.”

You nod against his chest, agreeing. “We’ll tell each other all about it, eventually.”

He goes quiet for a moment.

“I didn’t let myself do it often, but sometimes I tried to imagine we were wrong. That you were alive. And what it would have been like if that were true.”

You reach over and grab his hand, squeezing. He takes a deep breath and continues.

“What it would be like to just run into you on the street. I… well. I didn’t think about it often. Because I was pretty sure you would have hated the man I’d become.” You try to pick your head up to look at him but he brings his hand up to smooth over your hair, keeping you where you are. “I wasn’t… they were never happy thoughts. I couldn’t imagine a reunion where you saw what I’d become and didn’t turn right back around and leave me there. ‘N I would’a deserved it. So I tried not to think about it.”

“Joel, I-.” He interrupts, continuing like he’s afraid he’ll stop if he doesn’t.

“In some ways I’m glad I found you now. I wish I’d known earlier, of course I do. But I’m more… me, now. I was a ghost, in Boston. I said barely living, but I felt barely human.” He pulls you tighter against him. “You wouldn’t have deserved being around me like that. No one did. Ellie didn’t, that’s for sure. Somehow she stuck around me long enough for me to remember how to be human again anyway.”

You push yourself up and don’t let him hold you down. Looking at him, you see that his eyes are teary, and he’s frowning.

“Joel, I used to think about it too. And I worried the same thing - that I’d become something you wouldn’t want anymore. Someone hard, and mean, and unyielding. But neither of us were right, baby. I didn’t fall in love with only one part of you. I fell in love with all of you. And I think we both know how ruthless we might have become at times in the last 20 years, to survive.”

He closes his eyes and nods.

“It was never a question for us back then, how much you’d do to protect us. How far you’d go. And I didn’t exactly shy away from it myself.” He huffs a laugh like he agrees with you, eyes still closed. You reach out to cup his face.

“I know we didn’t get to say it back then, baby, but we would have said for better or for worse, and I would have meant it. That’s what I used to wonder about and try not to let myself want too much - to have you there for the worst of it. Not to have to go it alone.”

He finally opens his eyes again and he’s looking at you with not a little wonder. He brushes his fingers down your cheek.

“I forgot, for a long time, what it was like to be trusted like that. To be someone’s safe place. I couldn’t, or wouldn’t maybe, let myself with Tess, and, well. She deserved more than I could give her.” You can see the regret in his eyes, and it’s so familiar. You used to think the same thing about Michelle, wishing you could give her more of you, knowing there wasn’t more to give. Not back then. “I remembered it, with Ellie. It was hard as shit, don’t get me wrong.” You laugh a bit, and he smiles. “Thought caring like that would take me out for good. Feels like it sometimes, still. But I’m remembering how, with her. And now with you.” He tucks your head back down on his chest and pulls you closer, almost on top of him.

You’re both quiet for a moment.

“Joel?”

“Hmm?”

“This doesn’t feel real. It’s too… I’m too happy.”

“I know. I feel it too, baby.” He kisses you softly right at your hairline. “I feel it too.”

...

a/n: See you next week for the +1/epilogue! It's... not short. lol

ch 6/epilogue now posted!

Taglist:

@morgaussy @jay-zzle @bluetattoos @dins-riduur-anthe @huffle-punk (@poodlebae just realized I forgot to tag you!! Sorry!!)

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #tlou fic #over again fic #tlou fanfiction #my fic #x reader

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local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti · 9 months

Note

hello! I just wanted to know your thoughts on orcas living in accredited facilities. are they thriving, or are they too smart to be 'locked up' as ARAs say? I've been debating myself on this for a while, and I wanted to ask someone ^^^

Are captive killer whales doomed and depressed? Was it right to end the breeding program?

Hi there! Thank you for being curious and asking these questions!

I can tell you that current welfare data of killer whales in accredited facilities does suggest positive welfare eg. demonstrating optimistic welfare states and demonstrating healthy social and reconciliation behaviours in Loro Parque orcas. (source) (source)

Unfortunately we just don't have a whole lot of welfare data for killer whales the same way we do for bottlenose dolphins. But that's sort of a generalised answer.

I want to address your questions specifically though.

Are orcas "too smart" for being in human care?

I'd say that the intelligence or the supposed hyper intelligence of cetaceans has been overblown and has been the source of contention since John Lilley came on the scene in the 60's making wild claims about hyper intelligent dolphins that speak their own language that still persist to this day (never mind the guy killed dolphins in his experimental brain scans and gave them LSD... the 60's were wild).

The people claiming orcas are too intelligent are people like Dr. Lori Marino - a neuroscientist who makes unsubstantiated claims about cetacean intelligence and draws conclusions about intelligence and cognition from brain scans. Can brain structure give you some data to make educated guesses on intelligence? Sure. But you can't then draw conclusions about welfare about animals you've never examined or done a welfare assessment of.

None of the people making these claims have done objective welfare assessments with access to health and veterinary records.

Lori, as well as other lobbyists like Naomi Rose and Ingrid Visser, have been called out by the scientific community more than once on publishing papers that make unsubstantiated claims about welfare.

My colleagues published this paper refuted their claims that orcas were being "damaged" by captivity (using human comparisons of prisoner of war camps despite human and killer whale brains being separated by millions of years of evolution) . But the media had already picked up the catchy, shocking paper that got published by a journal with no cetacean experience ( the Journal of Veterinary Behavior who also refused to retract the paper despite letters from cetacean welfare scientists)

There is unfortunately a huge problem of lobbyists who are lobbying governments to change laws on cetacean welfare who are using science to skew data for their personal beliefs. And they are absolutely shameless and will block any other scientists that try to refute them.

If anything, intelligence creates adaptability. There's a reason we have bottlenose dolphins in human care around the world but not harbor porpoises. Bottlenose dolphins are socially intelligent and more easily adapt to new environments and bond with human care takers. Orcas are similar, though environmental change has been reported to upset them a lot more. They are very socially intelligent, which makes them very interested in learning and being curious and bonding with human caretakers.

If captive orcas were truly so utterly broken the way they're depicted by media and these "studies" they would not be able to learn new behaviours, they would not eat and play and socialise and they would not engage with the trainers and guests.

See a whole playlist of SeaWorld orcas in their free time - it really helps you look beyond those 10 second "sad SeaWorld orca" videos (it's usually just Keet resting because that's what he prefers to do in his spare time)

Are orcas in accredited facilities "depressed" or suffering in any way?

Now when it comes down to actual welfare of orcas in accredited facilities - based on anecdotal and scientific evidence, statements from trainers I've talked to who work with the animals every day (no they're not getting paid any more than minimum wage and speak freely), what I've witnessed through many hours of observation ect.

I can say with a fair amount of certainty that these orcas are not abused, depressed, doomed or going insane. They have a robust enrichment program, get the best vet care in the world (I'm sure @orcinus-veterinarius can attest to that), are engaged and motivated to learn regardless of satiety (though they'll have their off days of course) and they have good stable social structures that rarely see any hyper aggression (but aggression is normal in social groups too).

Could it be better?

Absolutely. If it were up to me, they would have the Blue World project done and built, bigger habitats, more novel enrichment ideas to encourage hunting behaviour that's not just Big Ball TM (they love it and it's easy but we can do better), more autonomy of habitat eg. being able to turn on water jets when they want to.

And waterwork would still be a thing trainers can do - not for shows but for the unmatched relationship building and desensitisation that it gave these animals. It actually made them safer to be in the water with (look at Kamagowa Sea World orca waterwork and how blaise they are with their whales - those whales will allow any sort of nonsense and someone falling in their pool wouldn't worry me at all)

What about the breeding ban:

I understand why they stopped breeding to appease the public but unfortunately it has introduced other welfare problems. Female orcas cannot be on Regumate - birth control - for longer than a year or it'll destroy her body very quickly. So separation of females and males occurs. And that can be really stressful - especially for matriarchs like Katina who had to be separated from Makaio.

Breeding bans are not done with the welfare in mind. They're done as a sanctimonious "save the babies" effort to "protect" them from no actual documented suffering. While denying animals the natural and very instinctive behaviours of reproduction.

It's amazing how much a calf can enrich a pod. Everyone pitches in to babysit and watch out for them, to teach them how to play and how to learn. It's really sad that the orcas of SeaWorld have been denied that now and it'll be very sad to see them die off one by one until there's only one very lonely whale left.

Anyway I hope that answers some questions. Happy to answer any more you might have.

#cetacean welfare #cetacean #dolphin #orca #blackfish #seaworld

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geeerage · 1 year

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just some date headcanons with jjk characters ─ gender neutral

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Drive-in movies are something you both enjoy since you have the privacy of your own vehicle and can watch a movie on a big screen. I feel like Yuji would be really big on snacks and would bring a whole bucket of popcorn which he almost completely finishes.

Library dates with Megumi would always be a relaxing experience. You would secretly pick books for each other and give them to each other when you’re done picking your books. Megumi always chooses books that you end up loving.

You would have an extremely long day after a mall date with Nobara. She would drag you into almost every store and make you try on a thousand different things. You never seem to mind though since she gives you the best fashion advice.

Every time you would play a board game with Maki you would lose horribly. On the weekend Maki would bring home a new board game to crush you at. The only one she has yet to beat you at? Monopoly.

You had brought up the idea to make your own pizza with Inumaki, and it's become some sort of a tradition ever since. When you are adding the toppings to your pizza, you guys compete on who can decorate their pizza the best, Pinterest has been your best friend for the pizza competitions.

Yuta has been all over the world and it's natural that he would want his partner to see as much as they could as well. Yuta would take you to different museums to learn about different histories, sciences and art.

Honestly, it's no surprise that Gojo would want to take his S/O to the fanciest places you could think of including restaurants. He would find a new restaurant in weekly and reserve the best tables for the both of you, and of course, he would pay for your entire meal.

When it's hot outside Todo would take you to the beach for a 24-hour date. You would take walk around the beach, eat ice cream and lay in the sun. When you take walks around the beach people would stare at you guys, wondering how a couple could be so attractive.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

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arminsumi · 1 year

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Maple syrup pancakes

Fluff drabble / K. Kazuha

You and Kazuha make pancakes in your apartment the morning after a long journey across Teyvat.

Cws; fluff, kissing, pre-est relationship (Bf + living together)

Notes on Y/n; gn!

Notes on this au; semi-modern!au but actually it's not really??

The bedsheets are so silky and soft that you don't want to leave bed. But then you snuggle to the left, and notice the absence of your boyfriend. It seems he's already sprung out of bed and into the kitchen.

Bleary-eyed, you waddle to the bathroom to freshen up. Upon looking at your reflection in the mirror, you notice the heavy tiredness weighing on your eyes. It's not that you're opposed to early mornings, it's just that yesterday's journey across Teyvat was quite long and arduous.

The night before, Kazuha carefully nursed your little wounds. They weren't bad enough to make you cry, but they still annoyingly stung.

After caring for these wounds again, you wander into the tiny kitchen, rubbing your eyes hard enough to experience a little photopsia.

"Morning, darling." Kazuha warmly greets you. The phosphenes in your vision clear up, and you blink a few times.

One can tell by how fresh-faced he appears that he's definitely a morning person.

He immediately comes to engulf you in a morning hug. It feels like his embrace alone balances your sleepy mind.

"You left bed too early." You complain into his chest. It's soft, the scent is vaguely of plant food.

"Sorry, I had to get some plant food for George." He speaks gently.

George was your favorite house plant. He sat proudly on the kitchen windowsill with his drooping leaves looking like elephant ears.

"... and syrup, too." Kazuha adds.

"Syrup?" You question, looking up at him.

His heart leaps a bit at how cute you are. He doesn't say anything about it, rather he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead.

It feels like a stream of sunlight is running through your body at the sweet action, and your sleepiness disperses.

"Mhm, syrup. For pancakes. Wanna help me make some?" He asks, and you nod excitedly.

While you happily bounce around the tiny kitchen to fish out the cutlery from the drawers, Kazuha gathers the ingredients in the pantry.

He's humming your favorite song, since it's stuck in his brain, so that gets you humming it with him. The two of you have a sort of hum-concert, your noisiness rivalling the morning birdsongs.

You make an absolute mess in the kitchen. Well, calling it a kitchen was a stretch, considering how it barely accommodates two people. You're constantly bumping into Kazuha while cooking, you drop an egg or two, and he laughs and calls your clumsiness cute.

Then you somehow accidentally get syrup on his cheek, so you giggle out a "Sorry!"

He swipes his finger across the spillage, tastes it, and hums in thought.

"Tastes like clumsiness." He teases.

After you two finish goofing around, the pancake batter is on the pan and sizzling. The scent fills more than just your lungs, your whole body can smell these pancakes.

The first two look like botched science experiments, but then Kazuha takes over, and the rest turn out thick and fluffy.

He has to laugh when he sees how quickly you eat your stack of pancakes when they're done. They're so hot that you almost scald your mouth, but it's worth it.

You dramatically praise the syrup for tasting like 'the nectar of Barbatos', causing Kazuha to ring out with laughter.

As swift as the wind, he steals a maple-syrup flavored kiss from off your lips. His kisses have a plush gentleness that you can't quite describe.

With your hunger now sated by countless fluffy pancake stacks, you lean into his chest and watch the morning transition to midday, laying on the wicker bench of your apartment's balcony.

His bandaged fingers delicately brush through your hair. There's golden rays of sunlight and rustling trees above you two, yet you still manage to fall asleep.

I've been playing Genshin again, and so decided to write something for my favorite anemo boy!

#🥞Pancakes for all of you!#🍁Maple Boy #kazuha #fluff #kazuha fluff #kazuha x reader #kazuha x gn!reader #kaedehara kazuha #genshin impact #genshin #genshin fluff #genshin x reader #wholesome drabble

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ambiguouspuzuma · 11 months

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Ballast

The Space Administration were clueless, in Sunita's general experience. Not the brightest stars in the constellation. A few planets short of a solar system. Sure, they knew how to build these modules, how to get them in the air and then out of it, but they had no queching idea when it came to the practicalities - like how to go about to actually staffing them.

The cabins were tight. They had to be, to conserve space, and weight, to make this whole spaceflight miracle work. The corridors were uncomfortably cramped; the connecting hatches more so. The Nakari required crew who were small, agile, and able to stay out of each other's way. People like Sunita. Like Pavindeep. Like Emyr. That shouldn't have been hard to understand. It was hardly rocket science.

What they didn't need was some hulking brute from the Administration's military, a fourth point on their perfectly efficient triumvirate, using up all the air and the food and the square footage. Lt. Daniel Masterson simply didn't fit on the Nakari, and they all felt it when he crammed himself into a room. Even on the edges of the solar system, Sunita was starting to feel like they were running out of space.

He was supposed to be their military escort, assigned to ensure that their cargo made it safely back to base, but with no care for the comfort of the crew. The Administration's focus was always the mission: in this case, to collect tisjan specimens, the first live aliens to ever make it back to base. They would be the Nakari's gifts to science, the public, and ultimately some esoteric collector.

Concerned about the unique challenges this posed, the Administration had sent Masterson as two-hundred pounds of animal handling, all of it unnecessary. The tisjan were predators, but in the same way as a polecat or mink, and weighed only a few pounds themselves. They could only be a danger if they all attacked at once: and even if they did try eating Masterson, they'd be occupied for a week on his torso alone. Sunita had actually done those calculations, one night keeping watch. The man snored.

Yet here he was: neither wanted nor needed, but the Administration's solution to a non-existent risk. They'd opted not to send a xenozoologist, not a veterinarian, but some jarhead with a body to match - barrel-chested, pot-bellied and with hands the size of pitchers. Claustrophobia in a tank top and jeans. Sunita knew that the Administration's first launches had sent animals up into space for observation, but she hadn't expected them to send a primate up here with her.

"What's happening?" Masterson manoeuvred his bulk into the cockpit, not without some difficulty.

"You see that amber light?" Sunita pointed to her display, where a whole array of the things were flickering orange and red.

"Sure." Standing in front of the entry hatch, the glow behind was eclipsed by his hulking, gorillian frame. "What does it mean?"

"That should only be a white LED. It means the computer behind the console is on fire."

"Quech." He took a step backwards, for which Sunita was grateful. If she'd known it only took a little bit of fire, she might have turned to arson long ago. "Are we going to die?"

"I've turned off all of the power, so it should burn itself out soon, but we're drifting through space at the moment. I sent an SOS signal first, so relief should be on its way. We're just stranded in the meantime."

"Stranded?" He started taking deep breaths, which gave the impression of a children's bouncy castle being pumped up by one of those box machines. Sunita could feel the oxygen level of the cabin drop with every inhalation.

"With relief on its way." The search for intelligent life really should have begun at home. "We'll just have to float for a week or so. It's no big deal."

"We were supposed to be back at base tomorrow. Do we have enough food to last another week?"

"If you stop trying to bulk up, yes. They plan for this when sorting our supplies. There is always a bit of a buffer in the number of days' rations, just in case of something like this."

"What about the tesjin?"

"The tisjin will be fine," she corrected. "They have their own food."

They'd collected that themselves, from their distant homeworld, to buy some time whilst they worked out what else they liked to eat. So far it had been yes to fried chicken, lamb curry, and even the awful fake cheese they got out of a can, but no to a slice of Emyr's birthday cake.

"I don't think we factored in the extra week, thought," Masterson said, finding himself in an unexpected area of expertise. They'd made him carry most of the food back onto the ship. He had to be good for something. "Do you think they'll be able to last?"

"That's a good point," Sunita told him, although it hurt her to concede it. "Why don't you bring them a few cans of cheese, just to tide them over?"

"Sure." He seemed grateful to have something to do, and squeezed his way back out through the hatch, like get cheese from a tin. With one last assessment of that torso, Sunita locked the hatch behind her, and hoped that Pavindeep and Emyr, wherever they were on the ship, were doing the same. At least until it died down.

She'd been honest with Masterson about the fire. What she'd neglected to tell him was that the doors in the tisjin room, being electronic, would all have opened. It was tragic what could happen in an accident like this. She hoped that the Administration, for all their faults, would appreciate that - as long as the mission was a success. Delay or not, the priority had to be getting the tisjin home alive.

Sunita had bought them a week, give or take, until relief arrived. She hoped they liked the taste of gorilla.

#writing #short story #original writing #sci fi #creative writing

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frutavel · 2 months

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i saw you tagged an oc named samaela on my post. who are they im curious. please share with the class 👀

(aka “i made that post about a character archetype i love and getting to hear about new characters that fit that archetype is literally the best case scenario for me”)

Oh hi for the love of god hello!!!

This is Samaela. My babygirl. I desperately wish I had more recent art of her to share, but alas I don't. A quick scroll through my blog also shows that Most of the posts I've made talking about her are also a few years old and outdated at this point but rest assured I think about her Constantly.

Samaela is a World of Warcraft OC, and also one of my oldest OCs in general regardless of fandom/universe. Long story short, she's a Forsaken hunter with little to no memory of her past life but Vivid memory of her death (by werewolf) and a history of making bad decisions in the name of Living Deliciously.

She was resurrected post Death By Werewolf, and the process caused her to Become Werewolf. Sorta. She's a weird little fiend and an abomination even by undead standards, which leads to her necromancer running All Sorts of Tests and Experiements. Now those aren't as bad or nefarious as they sound, really, but Samaela gets tired of being a science project pretty quick, so she moves as far away from her necromancer as she can, makes a few friends and enters a 2-ish year long situationship with her Boybestfriend, during which she indulges in many bad habits such as hunting living humans for sport and eating them, which garners her a reputation for being vicious and needlessly cruel. She regrets some of it sometimes, mostly she doesn't care, and gets off mostly scotch free because she's very good at weaving stories that paint her in a good light, and her folks don't like humans anyway. Which just emboldens her.

(Here seen with her Boybestfriend, Tari, my other babygirl, after a bad hunt)

Eventually her Boybestfriend has to leave, and she is Very Sad about it but they part amicably. Unfortunately having her voice of reason and only person whom she trusted in this whole wide world move away makes her Worse. She continues to be Very Good At Lying, but still ends up in trouble with the authorities a handful of times, some friends turn their back on her as a result and she makes self preservation her number one priority. This leads to a sleuth of Decisions which eventually end up putting the life of someone at risk, someone Very Important to her Boybestfriend, and once he finds out their relationship cracks even more. She jumps to anger and resentment straight on and continues to push people away and make more Choices, until her own life is put at risk and she's forced to rethink.

Currently she's at this rethinking stage. She doesn't regret most of the things she did, but she regrets the things that affected her personally. Empathy is a hard concept for her to grasp, but she's willing to make an effort for her own sake. At her core she still wants to survive above all else, and if that means letting people help her..... well, she doesn't like it but she'll think about it.

Samaela is Difficult, and she will never not be. She needs a strong support system to help her, but unfortunately the mere thought of letting her walls down and being vulnerable makes her sick. She is hard to get along with and harder to like.... but a handful of people have gone through the effort it takes to love her all the same. That's enough for now to keep her from spiraling more, but her fate is very uncertain. She has many amends to make and she's not exactly willing to make all of them, but her self preservation instinct is so strong it might as well push her in that direction even if just to keep herself alive.

Despite her many Ls she has many Ws. Women want her. Men fear her. She fucks hard and nasty. She makes dioramas in her spare time. She is surprisingly good at keeping people safe. She likes the color green so much she always has at least One green acessory on her at all times. She's not very good at swimming but still loves the beach. She has a gender that can be best described as Indescribable. Woman, but watch out. She can also pretty effectively communicate with her hunting dogs due to her mutations, and her insides are so rancid due to the Experiments that getting bitten by her in an immediate death sentence, and she is quite fond of biting. Because of this some have taken to calling her Plaguehound <3

As for her previous life.... well that's a whole other mess. All I'll say is that she has two living siblings, one who hasn't given up looking for her, but neither one would recognize her now, and it's unlikely she'd recognize them either. She barely remembers enough about her human life to know her name, much less about her family.

In fact, she has met her older sister in the past. It didn't end well for the sister in question. Dog fights are gnarly 💖

#asks answered #gumy-shark #oc:samaela #she is a mess and i am deeply obsessed with her #her voiceclaim is glaze/woodentoaster. yes the rainbow factory/awoken/beyond her garden/nightmare night/prototype vip guy #her sister survived the encounter also but not unscathed and possibly traumatized #granted she attacked sammy first and sammy didn't know it was her sister but also #chances are nothing would have changed if sammy did know.#they never had the best relationship and sammy might not remember the reason but she remembers the spite #she and tari are sorta making amends. they will probably never be as close as they used to be anymore but they're making steps #not sure where they're going but they're goinf #she sorta made amends with her necromancer too. sammy still doesn't trust her with anything relating to her body tho

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witherroze · 3 months

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My cannibal hermit hcs under the read more o7

Literally has to cannibalize on occasion because of their species or other reasons and honestly enjoys it and does so more frequently than is actually physically required of them:

- Scar (full fae, half vex half allay)

- Joel (half fae, ogre specifically)

- Cleo (full zombified player)

Literally has to cannibalize on occasion because of their species or other reasons but does not do so more than is required of them physically:

- Cub (half fae, vex specifically. he wasn’t fae before convex stuff so he was just raised to think of it as unsanitary so it kinda icks him out sometimes)

- Stress (full fae, sprite specifically. it just takes a lot of work and she likes the taste of normal foods way more)

Can safely cannibalize but they don’t have to. Does so with the casualty of eating a burger regardless:

- Beef (mans was just a bull hybrid but he got an alien parasite that messed with his code so now he can eat people and it was kinda unnerving at first but now he’s fine)

- Jevin (player slime, less “cannibalism” more just “absorbs and acidically dissolves things”)

- Xb (guardian hybrid, hes mostly meant to eat fish but can eat other stuff including people and can do so easily with his teeth)

- Wels (griffon hybrid, he’s got the sharp talons and teeth for it if he wants and he spent enough time around other cannibals to view it casually)

Can safely cannibalize but they don’t have to. They still do so on rare occasions because they think it’s too much effort or too gross of an experience to do regularly:

- False (avian hybrid, avians don’t typically go the cannibal route even if they physically can but she’s not super sane so it’s fine)

- Grian (he is some sort of non descript beast to me. im personally of the hc that his physical form is a vessel for a less physical weird magic core. either way he’s weird enough that it works out)

- Ren (werewolf, he doesn’t have to eat people when transformed and doesn’t get any urges nontransformed but he gets a weirdly heightened blood lust situation when wolfed out so it just kinda happens)

- Doc (ex-god, he honestly does think it’s gross and too much effort to be worth it 90% of the time but he still does it when he’s in a specific genre of power trip lol)

Could safely cannibalize but doesn’t on the basis of it feeling “wrong” to them in some way (maybe tried once or twice but not in a while):

- Bdubs (when he was in the middle of dealing with his weird jungle situation he did a LOT of cannibalizing but now that he’s out of the weird brain state it had him in, he can still eat people but it makes him slightly uncomfortable. he honestly prefers letting other people eat him at this point)

- Impulse (half demon, he just gets worried that even if someone agrees to let him eat them that he’ll somehow end up hurting them or making them uncomfortable in ways they weren’t planning on and wouldn’t have agreed to)

- Mumbo (half fae, changeling specifically. he thinks it’s kinda gross and is very self conscious about other people judging him for doing it)

Can’t safely cannibalize but has done so anyways on at least one occasion. They became very ill afterwards lol:

- Keralis (nondescript eldritch being. he thought that because his whole situation was already so weird he might as well try and see how he likes it. it wasn’t a bad experience in the moment but the health detriments sucked)

- Zedaph (he had literally no reason to believe he could handle it. he is a sheep hybrid. he tried it anyways. for science. got sick. then tried it at least two more times. for. more science)

Is not physically capable of cannibalizing without health repercussions and has not tried pushing that:

- Etho (arctic fox)

- Gem (deer hybrid + partial fae blood. honestly she wouldn’t get as sick as most others but it still wouldn’t be good for her. she could be persuaded to maybe try it one day. maybe)

- Hypno (another nondescript eldritch entity. he is not like keralis and recognized that if he didn’t have any cravings or indications from his upbringing that eating people was a good thing to do then he wouldn’t risk it lmao)

- Iskall (he’s a human with some cybernetic enhancements)

- Pearl (moth but also some weird eldritch being stuff going on. probably similar to gem in that she’d do better than most but still shouldn’t incorporate it into her diet)

- Skizz (half angel. he actually kinda does want to try but was mostly dissuaded following zeds disaster attempts. still kinda curious though)

- Tango (netherborn. literally never genuinely considered it outside of passing intrusive thoughts and seeing zed only put him off of the idea fully)

- Joe (ghost. he has only ever given himself physical vessels incapable of eating people. but similarly to grian they could do it if they got a body that would let them)

- Xisuma (voidborn. similar to joe and jev in that he does not eat in the traditional sense, is contained to his suit, his suit can not eat people, and honestly I can’t think of a way that he could make it work even if he tried lol)

#jesters ramblings #hermitcraft #cannibalism cw #tw cannibalism

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mmaurysiek · 1 year

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how does a mechanism of a Mechanism work? - vague musings

(please do argue and share your own headcanons if you'd like! I'd love to start a discussion :3)

I imagine that the origin story of these functionally unbreakable mechanisms was simple. I mean, look at the inventor -- a disabled ADHD vampire. Carmilla had to be fed up by having yet another version of a working artificial eye unexpectedly start breaking on her at least once every few decades or so.

(what i don't get is - why not just go on living with one eye instead - but I guess that literally unlimited amount of spare time and Carmilla's love of creative tinkering have played a huge role in that)

Hence, a sci-fi dream of a prosthetic/medical device that:

seamlessly or near-seamlessly connects with the nerve system and provides natural-like neural feedback,

is as effectively self-repairing as Carmilla's own vampire flesh,

doesn't require the user to remember charging it, as it passively collects whatever (eldritch) energy it needs from the environment.

Near-perfect for a space-faring vampire scientist with ADHD!

And when you already have that sort of tech, why not use it to improve other people's lives? And sure it has worked, at least to some degree. Not that most mortals would live long enough to truly appreciate the unbreakability of these mechanisms, but still, it's improved people's lives. And it got Carmilla enough rapport with the locals to keep the G-Pol's investigations (and their "serial killer" charges - honestly, a girl has to eat!) off Carmilla's back. So it was very practical to have different types of these little unbreakable miracles at hand (an advanced enough science is indistinguishable from magic), ready to use for strangers who'd need them, and pay for them.

Jonny was an accident. See, usually that sort of surgery is pre-planned. Usually, a significant amount of effort goes into keeping a patient safely alive thorough the surgery process. There was no way to guess (and thus test) beforehand what would happen if one of these little miracles got connected to an extremely fresh corpse. I mean, why would anyone waste one of these on a corpse, fresh or not, if not for the desperation of a parent who refused to let death win? (necromancy is just first aid that's delivered late)

And so the eldritch clockwork blood-pump fussed with the entire body, integrated the flesh into its template design, most likely as a powersource, a battery, and included that "battery" in its self-repair function.

mechanical heart: - access point, - medical-grade steel (microwave-safe), - it pumps blood in timed pulses, - maximum simplicity to minimise vulnerable break points, - smart pacer + fallback clock (1.17 pulse per second) note: his brain should be filtering the noise out note: Jonny, what the hell, trauma symptoms aren't "side effects"

extra notes:

- the access point should have allowed for DYI repairs, but Jonny is more likely to try to break something than to fix it,

- he may be one of the people who can hear their own heartbeat,

- the fallback ticking tempo of the device is just slightly differently paced than ticking of an analogue clock.

So the medical device that was supposed to keep its user alive - and it has the side effect of keeping its user alive. Like, infinitely, and through experiences that no mortal should've been able to survive.

I expect that Jonny's newfound immortality was a surprise to Jonny and Carmilla alike. I expect that they didn't know why it had happened for Jonny and not for other people. When the effect had reoccured with Nastya's blood replacement - that may have narrowed down the why, but still left a whole lot of variables that might or might not be necessary for a mechanisation process to take.

Jonny, Nastya, Ashes, Ivy, Scuzz, Brian - none of them would've been able to survive without what they had replaced by the mechanism. There are mentions of failed mechanisation attempts, but going by how many of the potentially important variables are kept, and yet at least some prove to not be necessary later? Carmilla actively tried to avoid mechanisations that could fail over those variables. Carmilla chose to keep those variables in every attempt, chose to avoid the risk of trying to mechanise the people who didn't meet those variables - the scientific method put aside for the sake of something more important.

mechanical lung (internal) - access point, - medical grade steel, - oxygenates blood, - air filters note: Ashes, please stop testing the capacity of the filters. these filters need time to self-clean

extra notes:

- the access point was placed on their back due to a lesson learnt with Jonny and for the sake of everyday comfort and ease of accessing the lung area directly,

- the fallback pace was set to a resting tempo to better allow for "sleeping it off" until the mechanism fixes itself (no need for another Mechanism getting slightly hyper during a malfunction)

mechanical brain (opening the cover illustrated) - extra batteries allow for higher performance, - cannot be turned off, - AI with personality pre-programmed - don't treat her like a baby, she is learning - make backups!!! nanorobotic blood - not intended for warm-blooded species, - was to be temporary, - not mercury, WTF - thick, silver, liquid, transports nutrients maintain bio-heart - do not replace! - do not attempt to remove! - more in the manual note: where?

Has Brian mechanised that priest, effectively?

And then there is the Toy Soldier - who has mechanised itself by a process notably inverse to everyone else's. The Toy Soldier who has replaced a part of its self-repairing wood-based body with a fleshy-meaty component it's scavenged out of a very fresh mortal corpse. (wood is more versatile than metal, for those with knowledge and patience needed to work with it.)

The Toy Soldier did not need a voicebox to survive. Gunpowder Tim was mechanised after Carmilla left, but he could have survived as a blind mortal, too. Raphaella gave herself a spinal structure to attach two extra limbs that she never had as a mortal (in the world shaped for humanoids - more of a social hindrance than a boon) - was she even dying before the process? Marius wouldn't die from being one-armed.

- metal-bone fusion zone should not move, - openable casing (responsible for eye movement), openable shell, lenses and filters, neural interface (tech-nerve fusion zone) note:any mistakes in the fusion zones will be permanent note: use eyelid slices to cover the shutters to make sure they don't fuse permanently open!

I think the lines by Tim's eyes are sort of a gate in the flesh, installed so that the space around his mechanism-eyes would be accessible for repair -- it's much easier to open the mechanism the way it's designed to open than to exercise the futility of trying to separate it from the flesh it's fused with. I think that part of Tim's mechanisation was replacing his still-healthy eye sockets and part of optical nerves, too.

mechanical wings: spinal fusion 1 (neck), attachment port (triangular), motion support (also triangular like 4 extra scapulas), 2 "rib" processors, spinal fusion 2 (lumbar region), neural cabling through the vertical middle column parallel to the spine

Raphaella can swap between the wing models, but the port for connecting them, her mechanism, stays firmly there.

Can TS, Marius and Tim take their mechanisms off? I think not, at least not TS nor Tim.

mechanical arm - notes: Marius, why? All the fucking weapons were two-handed and it was marketed as cutting-edge tech and it was a war-zone liability: the arm can be separated by cutting through the stump fusion zone around the stump neural interface cannot be accessed, cannot be fixed unknown contents between the stump and the elbow elbow: the joint is made out of three: pivot, hinge, and another pivot unknown contents of the zone between elbow and wrist - pressure and temperature fluctuations happen wrist appears to be constructed like the elbow, but the functionality is partly broken a broken spread-fold structure mid hand - it can only spread and needs external pressure to fold fingers have two hinge joints each, except for the thumb that has the base joint constructed like a smaller version of the elbow external fixtures improve the functionality

is the self-healing factor is likely to be more intense around the mechanism?

Jonny is an unreliable narrator, what is the chance that the story about trying to use a black hole to separate his mechanism and flesh has happened?

Unlike medical devices and prosthetics - a mechanism has a primary function of keeping the flesh attached to it alive at all costs. The medical / prosthetic function is secondary. Unlike contemporary prosthetics, these mechanisms cannot be taken off.

At least some (if not all) of the Mechs are gonna yearn for the impossibility of taking those off -- mortality aside, it'd:

- it'd make cleaning much easier,

- it'd be nice to relieve the muscle tension from having one's body-weight distributed differently than what the humanoid body is prepared for,

- the neural feedback that's only partially compatible with the nerve system is disorienting, and makes tasks that require any precision - extra difficult.

like, my own biological optical wiring has a tendency to go weird, so at times it was literally easier to just cover my eyes (eyelids wouldn't fully cut off the light) and go around do stuff sight-less - than to keep dealing with sensory overload of just slightly wrong light - unfortunately, i never had a computer with enough RAM for a fully functional NVDA (non-visual desktop access)

I definitely think that Tim would sometimes do that.

I definitely think that Marius would default to doing precision tasks with his left hand. I may be ambidextrous (more like ambisinistri honestly) myself, but this rant is also very very insistent on it (content warning for medical abuse and discussion of ableism) :

i've ran out of steam before i could figure out the precise inner mechanics of each mechanism, but i guess this long rambling post is long enough?

i'd love to hear other people's ideas!

#the mechanisms #mechs headcanons #the mechanisms meta #eye horror cw

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hamsamwich23 · 2 years

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Can you tell us more about twenty. Their relationship with the puppets and Owen. They sound and look quite unique. A good unique

I got two asks asking about Twenty, so yeah I absolutely can! And I'll tag @emilythezeldafan because they were also one that asked about him sjdjdjdd

Please do not tag this as in///vad/er z/im (I'm trying to stay safe from that fandom mess)

Twenty facts (and some other random information)

Twenty is a 16 year old (in current times) hybrid who ended up on this earth due to his own dimension being destroyed thanks to an event known as the Z/im void.

He was cloned as an irken in the beginning however since he wasn't supposed to actually be cloned or even exist (he's an extra smeet), he was used as an experiment for five years

His genes were mixed with those of an extinct alien species

Until this dimensions Miyuki got him out of the situation and ended up raising him like he were his own son

He's technically an alternative version of Zim, and used to be known as Zimaki

He's trans, he realized this at a younger age. And chose his name based off the last number on his PAK serial number (20)

He's the one who made the puppets prosthetic legs...he also broke into the warehouse because he took a job to investigate the place (from this Earth's Dib)

He lives alone, and unlike canon z1ms base, his actually looks like a normal household (because it is, aside from the lab in the basement)

He's very good with science and machinery, and has some knowledge on medical skills

He's also an excellent baker

He's currently dating Scout

He actually got saved by scout when he went into the warehouse and almost got experimented on by Riley

Riley dislikes bringing this up)

His current form is not because of the curse on earth (due to irkens somehow being unaffected), however it does help him blend in well with this, since he is now nothing out of the ordinary on Earth.

Dib, 18, moved away after his father was judged (and found guilty) by Mortimer, as it was finally a chance of freedom for him. He and Twenty are still friends.

(m3mbrane was punished with death for illegally experimenting on innocent people affected by the curse, for context)

Gaz still lives at home with a family member who's taken over as caretaker. She and Twenty also still talk

Gaz also talks to scout (mainly online, they play video games together)

Miyuki died when he was ten, she has died saving him from being eliminated, however the blame was twisted and put on him because he was the only one there with her.

Miyuki is technically haunting him, and can go anywhere as long as twenty is there. It's unknown if he knows she's watching him or not.

Since the whole warehouse incident with Owen happened way before he was born, twenty only knows about Owen from what is recorded and from what the puppets have told him

He has a good relationship with Mortimer, Mortimer being the one who made it so Scout was allowed to leave the warehouse whenever she wanted to, and let twenty keep his life seeing that there wasn't any reason to kill him

He's also got a good relationship with Daisy as the two can get along on many things , and they both enjoy baking, although daisy. Can get competitive

He and Nick get along at times despite Nick being antisocial a good amount of time.

Twenty and Esmeralda get along as well, Esmeralda seeing Twenty as an older brother sort of figure

He's not exactly fond of Riley, due to her experiments on Scout. He does however do his best to be kind to her and help Daisy convince her to take the right actions

He eats bugs. I'm not kidding

He uses bugs in the food he makes (only for himself though). It's part of some sort of craving for smaller animals/bugs/fish from whatever he was combined with

He doesn't know what the extinct species was, and he may never. Probably not since his own dimension where they were was destroyed

So he can only guess, estimate and hope.

I hope this helped a little bit!! Feel free to send in more asks about this guy, I appreciate anything

(I also give you permission to draw him, if anyone wants too, his refs are somewhere :])

EDIT: ESMERALDA IS AN OC THAT BELONGS TO MY PARTNER IN AU CRIME, @silent-bull !!! IMSOSORRY

#hello puppets #shut up sam #unreality au #dimension 2020 #Twenty #oc #crossover #crossover au #do not tag as I/z

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cryptidcalling · 9 months

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Comparing Vesper and Horace a bit in how they treat working and resting

I'd like to begin this post with a helpful diagram

The simplest way they differ is that Horace is contantly creating more work for himself even when, realistically, he could just take a break and still be ahead. It's a sortof frantic feeling that he always needs to be working on something, pushing towards a goal, because science is never rally finished. He's always finding something new to try because he doesn't want to stagnate. Plus he is genuinely deeply passionate about all the work he does even if he ends up stressing himself out.

Vesper, on the other hand, deligates work at almost every opportunity and still had piles of things to deal with every day. And because she's so dedicated to her job and the empire as a whole she gives it priority over other things she might rather be doing. She'd like to spend the afternoon doing physical training instead of reworking a blueprint for the fifth time, she'd like to go sit on her balcony and watch a firework show, she'd like to have a few hours to put on music and relax as she tinkers with a personal weapons project, that just isn't typically on the cards for her.

Horace willl very frequently put off self care or forget self care entirely (eating, sleeping, brushing his hair, etc) in order to keep working. He sees it as a frustrating interruption of his process. He WANTS to keep working. When people try to help him, tell him he's been working too long and needs to take a break, he'll either brush them off or reluctantly agree. Usually he's able to relax and be less grumpy after sitting and resting for a bit. Some days he's still high strung, anxiously waiting until he can justfy going back to that project. Vesper will typically try to set a schedule. She'll decide to take a break and eat at 1:00. But then at 12:30 someone brings her a treaty that needs to be revised and sent out for approval by 1:15, so lunch gets pushed off to 1:30. Then in the middle of that project Panza will send her some files and ask her to research a certain group or planet and get whatever information she can to him by 2:30. Lunch gets pushed off to 2:45. She finishes the treaty, is well on her way to finishing the research, when a communications officer informs her that they have a transmission coming in from a diplomat and they need her to answer it right away. She answers the call, gets permission to submit the research at 3:30 instead, and when she returns a set of blueprints has been placed on her desk and need to be revised for the engineering team by 5:30. Lunch is no longer happening, but she plans to have dinner at 6:00. When 5:45 comes around Bakins comes in to ask her a question about one of their operating protocols. She's tired, she's snippy, she's harsher with her answer than she needs to be. At 6:00, Bakins and Beyett come in with fresh food from the Citadel's kitchens, and Vesper stops everything she's doing to sit and eat with them. (This doesn't even include the part of her job where she often has to stealth her way off planet, through cities, and into the bases of criminal organizations to take them out and reclaim any contraband or rescue any ESR hostages, or when she's required to go with Panza to diplomatic affairs, or make TV, Radio, and online appearances, or go to training facilities to work with the lower-level millitary personell there, train troops, sort out promotions, etc).

Horace could easily justify taking a few days off. If he did nothing would really change. His students could complete their courswork online and email him if they need help. Their grades would still get in on time, and he'd still be on track to collect whatever data he needs for his current experiment. He just chooses not to, instead choosing to keep fixating on his work. If he were to take a day off (some times is forced to when he's unwell enough for Baxter to notice) he doesn't really know what to do with himself. He'll read a book, watch a documentary, do a puzzle, but it all feels like he's just wasting time that he should be spending doing something more important. Vesper would like a day off. She's usually able to justify one or two a year when things are especially slow. She'd eat some nice meals, work on some personal projects, dance a few routines instead of working out properly. But most of the time she just can't justify doing that. There's too much to get done and not enough people to actually do it. She's always deligating things to her LTs to get done, but she doesn't want to overwhelm them. She usually sticks them with the things she really can't stand, like meeting with delegates or doing financial paperwork, while doing the bulk of the remaining work herself. She'd give them more if she thought they could get it done without skipping meals or staying up late into the night, but she knows that's just not realistic. There is another part of it too that deals with her fear of being replaced. If it WERE easy for her to just pass off all her work and take a day off whenever she wanted, then what good is she to keep around? Eventually someone would notice that things run fine without her. At least being constantly busy proves that she's still valuable.

#Long post #vesper tag #horace tag #I just think my overworked fluffy twinks are neat #Meanwhile Fen is like 'eppy <3<3' and takes a nap in the sun whenever he wants #Sorry for typeos Tumblr doesn't have an autocorrect for me anymore

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posts-for-when-im-high · 1 year

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Personal life post but ya girl was recently diagnosed with Covid for the first time and boy howdy it's an experience. My partner had bronchitis right before I started feeling sick so Naturally I assumed I was also getting bronchitis (what I wouldn't GIVE for bronchitis now, ough). The only thing that clued me in was when I started losing the ability to smell. As a person with very autistic tendencies (sensory-seeking!!! Specifically through smell and taste), this was incredibly depressing for me. On top of this, it is the WEIRDEST GODDAMN THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED.

I've seen a ton of posts about how Covid obviously sucks and is incredibly dangerous (really praying I don't end up having long-Covid from this) but no one I've read has ever tried to detail what it's like to be completely lacking two of your basic senses when you are used to having all of them. I hope this isn't ableist of me to try and document parts of my experience; obviously my temporary lacking sense of smell or taste is DRASTICALLY different and non-comparable to someone permanently lacking vision or hearing. It's so hard to even begin to put this experience into words. And I'm not getting all science-y here; I've looked into a few articles about why and how this happens during Covid and I'm not educated enough to describe it accurately here. But it really feels like my brain has completely forgot how to taste or smell.

I know what things taste like. I have very distinct foods and scents I'm drawn to. Very picky eater since birth, so having to eat food while only experiencing Texture™️ is super not fun. But NOTHING TASTES. OR SMELLS. I know what it SHOULD taste like!!! I know what it SHOULD smell like!! But my brain is simply not making the connection between these memories and my senses in the present moment! I've been lighting candles this whole quarantine because small fires bring me joy but I can't smell anything from them. Doesn't matter how strong the scent is or how long it's been burning for. I've been drinking lots of Gat*r*de to try and get plenty of fluids in my system. Which color? Doesn't matter!! Who cares?? I can't taste it anyway!! It's kind of like those weird m-berry pills that people take to flip sour and sweet flavors around in their mouths, but instead of creating the opposite of a flavor, it erases it entirely.

There are still sensations to eating though. Obviously food is still crunchy or soft, loud or quiet. But I still get sort of tingly feelings from mint (mouthwash, toothpaste, peppermint...) and some afterburn and heat sensations from spicy foods (ramen, hot sauce, salsa...) But there is just no FLAVOR from these foods. I dipped a tortilla chip in Goblin Sauce (thank u Nekrogoblikon) like it was a queso dip and didn't even flinch. I've been more experimental with foods these past few days than I've been in my entire life. No regard for flavor whatsoever. But this also makes it so SOUL-CRUSHING when I have foods that I know I enjoy. I'm at the very end of my Girl Scout Cookies for this year. Those aren't around all the time!!! You're telling me I'm not allowed to enjoy my goddamn Tagalongs in the VERY short time I have them for??? There is only ever the vaguest hint of a broad flavor, like Sweet or Salty, and nothing past that.

Not being able to smell perfume is also really strange. I have quite a decent perfume collection with some distinct notes I very much enjoy. Like the candles, regardless of how strong or noteworthy a perfume is to me, I get absolutely no smell from it. I could douse myself in an absolute cacophony of scent and never tell the difference if I was wearing no perfume at all. My lovely partner has realized that this means he can go outside to smoke without me and I won't complain to him that he reeks of weed!!! It's weird!! I can't even smell my cats! One of the best pleasures in life is being able to bury my entire face into my cats fur and inhale!!!! I'm mcfreakin losin it!!!!

#Covid #long post #shut up kayleigh

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dreams-of-macabre-slowdeath · 2 years

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Rulers Above Us (March 2022)

(TW: r@pe, murder)

There were some humanoid creatures rolling over earth, it was really dystopian and it definitely happened in the future like within 100 years or so.

I dreamt about it in third and first person perspective. But nobody seems to be able to notice me.

They gave us humans this hierarchical system and it depended on how “evolved” that individual was. The humans weren't able to tell the differences but apparently the humanoid creatures could, but at least there wasn't racism amongst humans anymore (lol). The first class humans were the more evolved ones and they were treated with bare minimum respect, they were used by the rulers as pets and servants. The second class humans however, were treated like dirt, and the rulers won't even want them as slaves, many of them were killed using the rulers magic for the entertainment.

The rulers, I didn't know what they were, there were many of them. They were humanoid but twice as big as a fully developed human adult. Their skin was almost translucent, a holographic reflection could be seen from the skin if there's light, it was really beautiful like opal stones. They wore elegant loose white robes but didn't cover much of their bodies. They were just as emotional as humans and they possessed some sort of magic. Their bodies were really non-binary looking, but you could tell which one had which gender by their voice or mannerisms, just like humans. Except they didn't really seem to care about genders that much. I was convinced that I probably saw ancient Greek gods because some of them did reproduce with human females. But I didn't notice a ruler above all of them like Zeus.

I wasn't sure why, but the humans were asked to reproduce and if they didn't, the rulers would “dispose” those who didn't do their duty, no matter which class you belong to. Which meant you would be taken away and be murdered for their entertainment, or you would be used to do some inhumane experiment. Because of this, r@ping was common and I saw many sad things happen. I've seen the experiment so many times in the dream and it was half magic and half science, they always inflicted much pain on the humans, but the rulers curiosity would’ve always come first.

One day one of the rulers who was in charge of the city that I live in the dream decided that she wanted to gather all of the citizens together, so se sent her humans to inform everybody to come to the auditorium, which looked like the one in my middle school. Now, the only way to reach the auditorium, is to climb a lot of stairs, so when most of the citizens were there already, some are still stuck in the staircase. And for some reason everybody brought a bag of emergency stuff with them because they knew they would go without eating for a long time and might die of starvation.

The staircase was a long way, some people threw belongings out of their bags to decrease weight. There were food, passports, family portraits… Etc. I followed the last person to reach the auditorium, she was a pregnant woman with a large bag, and nobody helped her out. When she reached the auditorium finally, the ruler was pissed off, she ordered her to put down her bag and killed this poor woman without even touching her.

The whole place was filled with fear and silence. The ruler then ordered a young woman and her male relative on the stage. She questioned why the woman resisted when her relative tried to r@pe her, did she remember the human mission to reproduce… Etc. she turned to the male relative and questioned why he attempted to r@pe, how immoral that was, and he shouldn't have done it to the woman because the man was second class and the woman was first class. Neither of them could give a proper answer so they were ordered to stand and wait on the stage.

The ruler ordered another woman to come up on the stage, this woman, according to the ruler, was so close to being a perfect template of how other humans should be, but there was only one thing she didn't do it right, which was loving and enjoying her life too much. And not trying hard enough to reproduce. Therefore she was not a perfect human, claimed the ruler. I realized that I knew that woman, she was the librarian of the city and she was really hard-working.

I knew for a fact that both women on the stage were called Dorothy and believed that there's some correlation between the same name and why they were criminalized by the ruler. The ruler turned back to the first woman and her male relative, she used magic on the men and he exploded, splattering blood everywhere. She then made the two women stand side-by-side and announced to everyone that these two women were not good humans. Using her magic again, merging these two women together, and they went through all kinds of pain, screaming, crying out loud, but they were inaudible and nobody understood what they were saying because their two mouths merged into a really wide mouth, the scene was so brutal.

I didn't know why, but I got teleported to an old supermarket and met a previous classmate there, it felt like the same world and same dimension, but only that classmate didn't know what just happened in the auditorium. He told me that he came out to purchase some things for his ruler, but what he really was doing was hanging out with two girls in the women's bathroom. I went and joined their conversation. And the dream just sort of ended.

#dream journal #dream #dreams #weird dreams #absurd #scifi #humanoid #creature #gods #greek gods #slave #thriller #horror #magic

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krikidilly · 3 years

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Terrible little slasher oc, his name is Dogman

#foul beast #devious creature #hes a science experiment of some sort and likes to eat people whole #whenever hes cornered he outs up a 'woe is me im a poor puppy' act #slashers #slasher oc #my art #body horror #body horror cw #eye horror

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folkloreguk · 3 years

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an angel for a demon (3)

A/N: Here's the last part of this small series! You don't necessarily need to read all of them to understand this one, but it does probably make more sense if you do. As always, feedback is deeply appreciated! Have a good day x

genre: smut, optional bias (m) x reader (f), demon!bias, angel!reader, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving), reader gives her first bj

words: ~ 6.7 k

PART1 (M)

PART2 (M)

“I’m going out to pick up some food and stuff, do you want to come along?” you heard him ask. You had your legs up against the wall, your back on the bed, and a magazine in your hands. The women on the pages had you gushing, on the verge of hypnotization. You swore if you looked at those infatuating pictures one minute longer, you’d be swallowed whole by them.

When you had worked your way through some science books and were still hungry for more to read, H/N had brought you some magazines, mostly about fashion but also gossip and lifestyle tips. Turns out letting a clueless angel read about what’s supposed to be good for women was not a smart idea. Up in the clouds, from where you used to watch earth’s women, they had all looked equal to you – beautiful, intelligent, and capable. Now, down in the reality of it all, things appeared much more complicated. Which angel could have known it took diets, workout routines, anti-aging creams and the perfect outfit for your body type to be viewed the same way you had always looked at women from above? And most importantly, how did any woman manage to uphold all these expectations the magazines named? It was all too much and seemingly impossible. Abruptly, you were pulled out of your train of thoughts.

“Y/N? Did you hear me?” he asked, peaking his head through the door. “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry,” you said, putting down the magazine on your chest. “No, I’d like to stay here.”

“Alright,” he said, “Would you like me to bring you anything from the store?”

He walked over to you and sat on the bed. His hands softly brushed over your hair, down your cheek and neck, barely touching your collarbones. He was in his black, intimidating clothes, per usual, but his eyes held nothing but fondness for you.

“Actually, maybe there is something,” you said. “Look.”

You picked up the magazine and pointed at the page.

“Can you buy me a dress like this one? They say it would fit me best. And could you get some makeup for me? I don’t know much about it, but maybe you-“ you said. Usually, he was one to listen carefully to every of your words, as if you were the most interesting person he had ever met. This time, he interrupted you.

“Stop. Where is this coming from?” he asked. “I want you to forget all those things you’ve read in those magazines, okay?”

You were confused, thinking you were learning by reading those articles. Gently, he caressed your face. “You know I’ll buy you anything in the world, right? But only if that’s what youwant. Everything they tell you to do, everything they tell you to buy, it’s brainwashing. You will wear whatever dress you find pretty, and if you want to wear makeup, that’s fine. But you will only do those things if you want to do them, okay? There’s nothing you need to change about yourself.”

“But they say you need to start early to get a nice body, and to prevent aging,” you said. “They say men will admire me.”

“We’re immortal, my angel,” he said. “And even if we weren’t, what’s wrong with growing old? Wouldn’t you want the traces of your experiences to be visible on your skin? Those companies, they all just want your money and so they try to scare you into believing you’re not good enough. But truth is, you always are. All those times people tug on their skin in front of a mirror, or whenever they break a sweat trying to lose weight, or when they compare themselves to those who look different from them – they’re already good enough. They’re perfect. This worlds wants you to never be at peace with who you are. But you need to promise me you won’t succumb to those nonsensical tactics to make you hate yourself. And don’t you ever wait for a man to give you approval. That’s your job and your job only.”

You listened, wide-eyed and intrigued. No magazine could ever speak so honestly, and you believed every word he said. After all, you trusted him much more than some random author of an article that was trying to sell you the latest weight loss-magic-powder.

“Okay, I promise.” You sat up and leaned your head against his shoulder. “I’ve never even really thought about it, but I think I’m pretty.”

“Not thinking about it might just be the best way to go about it in this world,” he said, and placed a kiss on your forehead. The feeling of warmth lingered on your skin seconds after he had already pulled away.

“I change my mind, then,” you said, “Do you think you can get me a dress like this?”

You showed him a different picture this time. It showed a lot more skin than the one you had pointed out before. You only realized this when he was already smirking at your choice.

“I’ll see what I can find,” he said. “That’s an interesting option, angel.”

“Hey! I just like the color, alright?” you defended yourself, making him chuckle. Over the course of four weeks, you had come to know his insinuations and his little jokes better. But at the same time, you couldn’t deny the incredible sensation his eyes on you gave you. When he goggled at you because you had decided to wear his shirt for a day, or the way he watched you welcome him with open arms when he came home.

You now understood that certain words or actions, or even just an article of clothing – or lack thereof – could conjure an insatiable hunger in his eyes. At first, it was a little scary, having a demon stare you down as if he wanted to eat you up. But now that you knew what his hands felt like on your skin, and that his lips were made for much gentler actions than to hurt you, you wanted nothing more than to coax the starving demon into playing with you, any chance you got. And perhaps that dress in the catalogue would do just that, and not only bring you joy. It was a win-win, really.

“I’ll be back in the afternoon,” he said. “Don’t miss me too much.”

“You know I always do,” you said.

“I’ll give you all the missed attention when I get home, alright?” he said, bending down to your ear. “You can have whatever you want, then.”

To be honest, half of the time you didn’t know what you wanted him to do. But with every time his hands explored your body you learned more. There were so many things humans did to make each other feel good, you doubted you’d ever be able to try everything. His promise made you wish he was already back home when he had barely stepped out of the door. One last grin and nod and he left you alone.

What did angels do on a Saturday noon? Usually, you’d be patrolling your village, entertaining yourself by watching children play tag, admiring lovers walking hand in hand or discovering a family that had just adopted a small animal. Their human eyes shined when they felt happiness, and it was infectious to you. You wanted to send your blessing to all of them, make sure they never felt anything but delight, but you knew that wasn’t how business worked down there. Some things were even out of your control. Now, on earth, you were ready to take whichever hardships were to come if it meant you could have been with your demon lover.

You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. You had only gotten up an hour ago. Last night, you had been kept awake for long. He was untiring when he was between your legs. You had learned that he didn’t need nearly as much sleep as you did, and when he set his mind to making you come by his administrations, he didn’t waver to do so. But losing sleep in exchange for pleasure was okay with you. Time became meaningless, either way, when you had your face buried in a pillow, tears threatening to spill over from how good he made you feel. Sometimes he made you come while sitting in his lap, then you’d cling to him like a baby and muffle your whimpers by pressing your lips against the skin of his shoulder. He loved telling you ‘Look at me’ right when you were falling. It was hard to keep your eyes from rolling to the back of your head or not to collapse in his arms, but for him you would try your best. Often you found your thoughts lingering on the memory of his gaze when you came apart under his touch. It had something of fascination and protectiveness, and you’d never get enough of it.

Great, now you wanted him again. And he wasn’t here. How had you gotten this way? On occasion you wondered if one of the other angels had already spotted you and the sins you were committing. You wouldn’t call them sins now, or ever again. It wasn’t like you wanted to adapt to a demon lifestyle. But you felt at home for the first time, here on earth. It was the perfect grey zone between heaven and hell.

As an attempt to appease your needy mind, you picked up your magazine again. Just because you shouldn’t believe everything they said didn’t mean you shouldn’t have read it at all, right? You flipped through articles on fitness and the newest fashion, but after skimming the pages for only a few seconds, you were done with those tips. He wanted you because of who you were – an angel – and you doubted than any beauty routine could make him more obsessed with you than he already was. But then you read something most curious to your angel eyes. ‘How to make him feel best – tips from a porn star’ the title said. Whatever in the heaven a porn star was, they seemed to be some sort of expert on pleasuring men, and you, always eager to learn something new, were intrigued from the very first word.

But soon you had to admit, you weren’t at all sure what they were referring to with those words and actions. When you and your demon boyfriend had sex, he usually did most of the work, while you took whatever teasing or pleasure he inflicted on you. He had said he liked it this way, but now you weren’t so sure. Or was this ‘10 things to do become a blowjob-pro’ – list just another attempt of society to brainwash women? You weren’t one to initiate talk about sexual stuff, but maybe you’d try to question him on the meaning of what you had read.

You flipped another page and finally you had arrived at a page you could work with. It was a bunch of comfort food recipes. Right away you fell in love with the picture of the freshly baked cinnamon rolls in the top right corner. H/N had promised you to teach you how to cook, but so far you hadn’t made much progress. The difficulty level read beginner, and five minutes later you stood in the kitchen. With some music in the background your enthusiasm only sparked more. Baking was new and came with slight overwhelmingness and the stress of making sure you weren’t forgetting to add any ingredient. But the Christmassy scent of cinnamon and the feeling of making something from scratch made you happy, and with rapt attention you finished your first completed recipe ever.

You wiped some flour off your forehead. Hopefully H/N would like the cinnamon rolls too, because as tasty you found your creation, there was no way you were able to devour them all by yourself. As if on cue, you suddenly heard the key slide into the lock of the front door. Probably prompted by the heavenly scent, he called your name.

“Here,” you answered, mouth full of a bite of cinnamon roll. When he walked in, he already had his famous smirk on his face. It was your favorite. You knew it was reserved only for you.

“What did you make?” he asked. But he had his answer when he saw the baked goods in front of you. He set down the bags and put his arms on your waist from behind. With a hum, you lifted the cinnamon roll to his lips, and he took a bite. He almost moaned at the taste and you grinned.

“Do you like them?” you asked, already knowing the answer but still awaiting more praise. You squealed a little at how quickly he spun you around. His nose touched yours and your heartbeat raced.

“It’s like they came with you straight from heaven,” he said. “Hmm…I missed my angel.”

His lips when he kissed you tasted like sugar and spice and you melted straight into his touch. You only noticed he had run his finger over the gooey leftover icing when it was already too late. He was a demon after all. And if demons were good at one thing, it was causing mischief.

“Hey,” you protested at his hands on your neck. Then your reaction quickly altered as his finger slid lower, down to your collar bones and to where your low-cut shirt started. “Great, now I’m all sticky.”

You didn’t understand at first that messing with you wasn’t his full intention. But he tilted his head to the side and ran his hot tongue over the icing on your skin, and you gasped suddenly. This wasn’t just a joke. He wanted you. He made a humming noise, as if the sweetness combined with your own taste were only complimenting each other. When he pulled down the neckline of your shirt a little, so he could have every last drop of the sugary substance on your skin, you couldn’t help but whimper. You wanted so desperately for him to do it again, that you thought about sticking your own fingers into the bowl of icing and smearing it on your chest. His eyes were playful when he looked up at your reaction.

“Oh no. If you’re all sticky I guess you’ll need a shower, will you?” he said, “What a coincidence. I was thinking of taking one, just now.”

You had never taken a shower with him, or anyone, for that matter. But you had a feeling that the both of you wouldn’t be keeping to yourself, standing naked in front of each other. You didn’t mind. And you guessed your approval was written on your face, because he pulled you in and kissed you hard. Again, you remembered the article you had read. Was now a good time to ask him about it?

While you were contemplating, his tongue slid over your bottom lip and met yours. You had been too shy to ask before, but now you were speechless. Gently, he grabbed your hand and led you out of the kitchen and into the hallway. You were a mess of lips and tongues and hands and feet stumbling over each other. Every few meters you stopped to push yourself close against him. It was like a game of who could go without kissing each other for longer. And you were both lousy at it.

He loved pushing you up against the wall, trapping you between his arms on each side of your head. This way, he could brush up against your shaking body and you had nowhere left to go. Needless to say, you had no intentions of getting away, no matter what. He knocked the breath out of your lungs, and you kissed him back like you could breathe him in instead. As if he had become your new source of oxygen, or whatever it was you really needed to survive. It these moments, air seemed like a subsidiary matter. So long as you had his hot tongue licking down your neck and his busy hands on your ass under your dress, nothing else truly mattered.

Your kisses were open-mouthed and far more confident than they had been only weeks ago. You now knew how much he liked when you grabbed his hair tightly, or when you whispered his name against his devouring lips, as if it was the only word you had ever been taught. Like it was the only word you ever wanted to know. Before you had even made it to the bathroom, half of your clothes were scattered somewhere along the way.

“I can’t believe I just had you yesterday and here I am already missing you this much again,” he mumbled against your earlobe, teeth playing with your soft skin. “You really are otherworldly. There’s no other explanation.”

His words made you feel proud. The pleasure was one thing you had come to love quickly, but then you noticed the power you could have over him, by merely existing. It was almost unbelievable, but there he was, hard and needing you, day by day. Again, your mind wandered off to the magazine article.

“Can I ask you something?” Your voice must had been different from your usual timid tone when you were in the middle of something unholy.

“Anything, angel,” he said. He let his lips linger on your cheek, half an inch from your mouth, and your stomach twisted in how badly you wanted him to sip on your lips like he was starving.

“Do you like always doing everything when we- ,“ you said. He gave you a puzzled expression, so you tried to explain yourself better. “I mean, if you ever want me to do more, you can ask me to. I don’t know everything yet, but I can learn.”

You weren’t even sure if you understood what the heaven you had just stammered. His look reminded you of the one he had when you asked him to buy him the dress and the makeup that morning.

“I love what we have, little angel,” he said, “What’s making you think you need to do anything differently?”

How were you supposed to explain what you had read when you hadn’t even properly grasped it yourself? You opted for taking his hand and walking him to the bedroom. There the magazine still lay, like an ancient cursed book you weren’t sure you wanted to know front to back. You picked it up and quickly handed him the article. Feeling your cheeks heat up, you opted to take a seat on the edge of the bed.

His lips curled into a devilish grin upon eyeing the page, and you thought the ground might swallow you whole. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything at all and spared yourself the embarrassment. But at the same time, you were eager to know.

“I thought I told you, magazines are just trying to make you doubt yourself,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“I know, but if there’s anything I can do to make you feel as good as you make me feel, I want to do it,” you confessed. He bent down, cupping your face.

“No one’s ever felt as good to me as you have, angel,” he said, “You’re heaven to me. Do you understand that?”

With your mouth squished together slightly, you nodded your head that was in his hands.

“By the devil, you’re so adorable,” he said. “If you really want to know, though, I’ll show you.”

Even more eagerly, you nodded again. He chuckled. You couldn’t handle how handsome he was – all messy hair, bare chest and black eyes that made you dream of the most unholy things possible.

“You remember how I kiss you…down there?” he asked. You hummed, cheeks on fire. “And how I’ve asked you to put your hands on my cock before?”

You did. But it had been brief, only a few pumps and small touches, until he had become too needy. You had been whining so deliciously for him to fuck you and so he had to have you on the spot.

“In the way you touched me then…you could use your mouth on me. Make me come with your perfect lips and sweet hands,” he said. “If that’s what you want, too.”

“I do!” you said with enthusiasm that only an angel at the feasibility of making someone’s day could bring on. “Let’s postpone that shower.”

The pride in his eyes lasted for approximately two seconds before the raw hunger replaced it. He climbed onto the bed and pat his thighs. On command, you settled on his lap. The simple feeling of his bulge under your center, even if interrupted by some fabric, made your head dizzy and your stomach drop. You kneaded your hands, not sure where to touch him first. But just as he always did to you, you had the impulse to start by his head and go lower from there. Although you were on top of him, he looked amused at your shy eyes.

“Can I kiss your neck, like you always kiss mine?” you asked.

“Be my guest,” he said, grinning like he had just won the lottery. Your lips met his skin and you used your tongue the way you had felt him do it. His scent was intoxicating. It made the empty bedsheets you breathed in sometimes, when he left in the middle of the night for his demon antics, seem like nothing. You used your hands to stabilize yourself as you moved lower. The hiss he let out when you felt up on his abs and waistline almost scared you. Then you realized it was a good sign. Only for the blink of an eye you dared to graze your teeth on his skin. His reaction was immediate.

“Shit,” he cussed, “That’s my angel.”

So, he liked that. You couldn’t wait to tease him by biting him in the future. Provoking a demon would have sounded like something close to a death wish to you, had you thought about it months ago. Now, with a demon as tame as they come beneath you, the thought only excited you. As he liked to do, you touched him through his boxers while you continued your journey down his chest and stomach. The guttural moan he released made your head spin and you never wanted him to be quiet. Usually, you weren’t in a mind state to notice his groans, or your own noises were covering his.

“You’re doing so good, little angel,” he said, short of breath. Once again, your effect on him surprised you. Where was the intimidating, big bad demon you had been taunted by?

“I’m gonna fuck you so well for this,” he said, “Even the angels in heaven will hear you scream. Wouldn’t you like that?”

There he was. You pressed your legs together at the simple mention of him inside of you, but if he thought you were going to answer, he’d be waiting endlessly. You still had enough respect for your angels not to think of them in this moment. Nonetheless you hummed weakly. When you got to his hipbone, you hesitated. You drowned out your doubts by kissing him there, while you contemplated what to do next. Your hand was still wrapped around his clothed cock. It was rock hard, and a wet spot had formed on the fabric from how much he needed you. When your touch became softer, and you pulled your hands away slowly, he lifted his hips, not wanting you to stop. You supposed this was the part where you took off his boxers. At least he didn’t complain when you pulled them off his legs, so you assumed you were still on the right track.

Watching his face for signs of approval, your hand wrapped around his length. He almost seemed electrified at your touch. His jaw dropped slightly, and his hooded eyes somehow appeared even darker than usual.

“Just like that,” he said, “And now move your hand up and down.”

So you did. As you regarded your hand around his shaft, all you could think about was how it used to be. How did your hands, that were usually folded neatly in your lap while you looked down on earth, end up doing such ungodly things? And how come you didn’t even for a second feel guilty?

“Angel, you’re so good to me,” he moaned. Angel. That’s what he loved to emphasize. But was that what you were, still? Maybe you would simply stop putting yourself in a box. Perhaps you were just you, doing what you felt was right and would make you happy. And right now, having a demon clench his fists in your hair and saying your name in that tone, you couldn’t think of a lot of incidents that had made you happier. Was this the part where you should use your mouth? You weren’t sure, but your eyes jumped from his cock to his face and it caught his eyes.

“You can take me in your mouth if you want. If you ever feel like stopping, just do so,” he encouraged you, “But remember, no teeth there, okay?”

You grinned and nodded. You parted your lips and your tongue placed kitten licks on the underside of his member. When you reached the top, you took him between your lips, mirroring the motion of your hands around him. You were surprised at how comfortable you were, when ten minutes ago you were ready to personally descend to hell from embarrassment. There was something enticing about the power you possessed in that moment. You understood humans just a little better, once again. Knowing that the way he bucked his hips and his groans were caused by you and only you had you smiling inwardly. It was a way you had never caught yourself smile before. You felt brave, and like you could do anything, with a demon so at your pity.

It didn’t take long for you to figure out where he was most sensitive. Whenever you pressed your tongue against the tip of his cock, he let out a sigh. It was almost like relief, as if he had been waiting for you all his life. And now here you were, granting him all his wishes. You bobbed your head, but kept your attention on his sweet spot, his moans just too delightful not to evoke them on purpose.

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” he said. Often, you looked up at him. His lids fluttered from the pleasure, but he seemed to like it when you made eye contact. For a moment, you lifted your head, needing some air. Gently, he caressed your face, like you were made of precious porcelain.

“Which one of my dreams did you escape from, little angel?” he asked. You smiled sheepishly, lowering your head. Again, you wrapped your lips around his length. You wondered what he was thinking about. Was his mind as free from any worries as yours whenever he fucked you? Was he able to form any coherent thoughts or was his brain going into the same mental blackout you always experienced?

You continued the way you had, sucking the tip of his cock while your hand pumped him. From time to time, you took a breather and pulled away. Little did you know what you were doing to him. With the short intervals of your lips on him and the pauses in between, you unknowingly made everything more intense for him. It was a dangerous game of edging him you were playing, and you were outright unaware of it.

But why would he have complained? In that moment, you were his personal guardian angel, making sure all his needs were fulfilled. When he saw your lips, all red and puffy, he asked himself where you had been hiding all this time. You peeked up at him through your angel eyes and he felt his entire world become whole in front of him. He was completely and absolutely at your mercy, inebriated by your entire being. Never in his long time on earth had he seen someone so ravishingly beautiful, yet so unaware of their might. He swore to himself in that moment, he’d do anything to make you love him forever.

As divinely as you were treating him, he suddenly wanted you in a different way. And if you continued your sweet actions, he wasn’t sure if that would still be possible. He gently cupped your head, making you look up. You hummed in question.

“You’re doing so well,” he said, “Let me give back to you, won’t you? Does my angel want some attention, too?”

You would have been lying if you said you weren’t practically touch-starved at this moment. And having been taught to always be truthful, you nodded before you even knew it.

“That’s what I thought,” he said, “Why don’t you take off the rest of your clothes?”

When you got up to slip out of your dress, your legs were weak. You hadn’t even done anything, and yet your body felt heavy. All you wanted was to go back to him and have him so close, it felt like he could have been a part of you. As much as you had felt on top of the world minutes ago, his hungry eyes made you shrink inwardly. But it wasn’t out of fear. It was almost admiration, or rather anticipation. You knew he knew your body inside out, and you couldn’t wait for him to prove it to you.

“Come here, angel,” he said. You climbed back onto the bed. “Turn around for me, okay?”

You were on your knees, sitting up right, facing the headboard. His breath on your shoulder sent a shiver down your spine. Then his hands snaked around your body from behind you. A small whimper left your lips when he ran them down your chest, fingers drawing small shapes on your breasts. They continued their way down your stomach and to your parted thighs. The cold air was hitting your dripping core, and had you not had enough self-control, you would have moaned at the mere sensation of his fingertips on the inside of your thigh. But maybe that was just what he was waiting for. After all, he was still taking his time with you. But in this instance, you knew what you wanted, and more importantly when you wanted it.

“Please,” you said. You weren’t sure what to say but starting with a ‘please’ was never a mistake.

“Please what?” he asked. You couldn’t see his face, yet you knew his devilish grin that must’ve been plastered on his face. He never missed a chance to make you shy. “Is this what you want?”

He slid two of his fingers down your slit slowly. It would forever be a mystery to you, how such a simple touch could put you in such a mental state of disarray. You whined at how needy you were, fighting the urge to press your legs together. In a second, his fingers were coated in your juices. When he pressed them against your opening, but didn’t push any further, your head spun with frustration. An impulse yelled at you to grab his hand and show him how you wanted him, but you sensed there was a specific aim in his teasing. Above that, you weren’t close to that brave. Purposely lightly, he rubbed circles onto your clit. Your head fell back onto his shoulder and your breaths came out in little, desperate noises.

Before meeting him, you never knew this sort of inability to control your body. Having power over your motions was an obviousness to you. But as with so many things in life, you had been wrong. Or rather, you had not known better. Now, with his lips brushing over the side of your exposed neck, you were willing to let him do whatever he wanted to do to you. If there was a noise or reaction he wanted to coax out of you, he could do so. And if evoking your little melodic whimper was his aim, he was on the right path, fingers teasing your pussy and flicking over your clit. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you. In fact, he had a head so full of ideas of things you could do together, you doubted you’d ever start to get bored here.

“I want you…inside of me,” you said, surprising yourself. This was your desperate body taking control of your motor speech center, that little region in your brain that allowed you to let out what you wanted to say. Your cheeks were hot for only a moment, then you realized if it got you what you wanted so badly, speaking your mind was probably a fantastic idea. You should really do it more in the future, you thought.

“What my angel wants, my angel gets,” he said. Just for a few seconds, he moved his fingers much faster. You yelped at the sudden pleasure, your hand wrapping around his wrist. His other hand reached for your hand, softly taking it away as you became a whimpering puddle in his arms. You were ready to fall, give in to the pleasure and let go. It was what you so desperately wanted. But as quickly as it had begun, he removed his hands. His attention was gone, and you were left yearning for more.

“Lift your hips,” he said, softly touching your sides. A part of you wanted to cry out, hold him responsible for denying you your sweet release. But you knew it would be no use, and he would tell you to wait either way. You were still on your knees, but straightened up, arms hanging by your sides, waiting for his touch. He was right behind you, his upper body against yours. When you felt his cock run over your slick folds, you sighed at the awaited sensation. The stretch when he filled you up felt so perfect, so out of this world, you reached for his hand to hold on to.

“Why didn’t you ask me earlier if you wanted me so bad?” he asked. He squeezed your hand as his other pulled you flush against his back while he pushed himself further into you. He’d thrust against you for a while, only to pull out completely, and repeat the whole process. It was sending you into complete overdrive.

“Because I wanted to make you feel good,” you said. “Only you, for once.”

You moaned when he snapped his hips against your ass, picking up the pace. In an attempt to support your jittery legs, you grabbed the headboard in front of you. Your breathing came out in short huffs, uneven and a little shaky.

“You’re so sweet and selfless…my patient angel,” he said, his fingers coming in contact with your clit again. His touch was an allure to you, and you wished you could have stayed this way forever. No thoughts, just his body and his dark voice to sedate your mind. “I’ll give you anything you want. You know that, right?”

You hummed and nodded. “Yes. And I’ll do the same for you.” Your words were interrupted by your small whimpers. There had been a time you didn’t know what it felt like, when you didn’t even know there was a such thing of having someone inside of you. Now you couldn’t get enough of him. You were already so sensitive that every time he quickened his thrusts and moved his fingers on you slightly faster, he had you hanging right over the edge. And he could tell by the way you held your breath when you were close. He didn’t want you going there just yet.

“As much as I love your mouth around my dick, this is my favorite way of having you,” he said. He used both of his hands to dig into your sides, pulling your hips closer to him every time he dragged his cock through your walls. You agreed. Should any of your angels ever catch wind of this, they would ban you to earth – or worse, send you to hell. So be it, you thought. You’d be like your lover. One of the creatures of the darkness, thought to be the personification of sin. Even if they ripped your angel title from you, they could never steal away what you had now.

Yes, you were meddling with a demon, but also having the time of your life. It was vastly better than spending your days judging humans for being themselves and for humans living the true way they want to live, instead of abstaining from the simple pleasures of life. Their true colors shown, they weren’t harming anybody, but rather making the world a more acceptable and open-minded place. You aspired to be like them.

“This is my kind of heaven,” he said. It’s what he always called you. Heaven. He groaned when you clenched your walls around him, your inevitable high drawing closer.

“This is my new heaven…you are,” you replied. He chuckled darkly, probably relishing in your confession. The thought that he could make an angel reject the very place they should have belonged filled him with a sense of superiority.

“Look how well you’re taking me,” he said. His hand wrapped around your body, pulling you tighter. He slipped his hand between your legs again, and you almost felt like collapsing, had he not held on to you. On instinct, you closed your eyes and let the feeling crash over you.

“Let me see you come, little angel,” he spoke in your ear, just for you to hear. You would do anything for him. You quivered and buckled at the severity of the feeling, but he had you. Your moans were high and dragged out, as his digits pressed harder onto the sensitive nub on your center.

“Take just a little more for me, can you?” he asked. You obliged willingly, nodding your head while it was still full of nothingness. Even as he kept fucking you, it was pure bliss for another while. It made your legs shake a little, but you felt so safe there, in his embrace, the sensitivity was alright to handle. You could tell by how sloppy his thrusts were becoming that he was almost there, too. He was pressing you against his chest as if you were all he ever wanted. His moans sounded like home to you as he came. He said your name and bent forward, reaching for the headboard, but you both tumbled into the bedsheets together instead. You giggled at your shared clumsiness and you could feel his chest move from laughing as he was lying on top of your back.

“Fuck, that was amazing,” he said, “You’re amazing.”

You turned your head and his lips brushed along your temple, kissing you softly. He brushed a strand of hair out of your eyes so you could look at him. Seeing his beautiful face had you falling into an even deeper state of serenity.

“I want to cuddle,” he said, and it was probably the sweetest thing you had ever heard a demon say. As he rolled off you, you followed his movements and settled in his embrace. A thin sheen of sweat glistened on your skin, but neither of you cared enough to get up just yet.

“I love what you’ve done to me,” you said.

“What is it I have I done to you?” he asked, fingers drawing nonsensical patterns on the side of your bare hips.

“You changed me. But not in a bad way. You let me be who I want to be and showed me that that’s okay,” you said, “You made me understand. Some sins aren’t that sinful at all.”

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dreamwritesimagines · 3 years

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Burn The Witch 5 - Cross Your Heart [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Lying is supposed to be easy for spies.

Series Masterlist

You were beginning to think undercover operations were some sort of punishments given to agents, because lying was one thing, but creating a whole life around that lie was another.

Not only were your knives replaced by a bunch of paintings on the wall, you now had some photos in frames; old photos of people you didn’t know, people who were supposed to be your “cover” family.

You’d still prefer to have your knives on the walls though.

“You’re my best friend, you’re supposed to be on my side!” you pressed the phone between your shoulder and your ear, and heard Chloe’s laugh.

“I am on your side, I just can’t do anything about your uniform.”

You plopped down on the couch, setting your heels down on the floor.

“Bucky might be from 1940s, but he knows that it’s the 21st century now,” you said, putting the heels on, “No reason to make me dress like a….weird pin up waitress.”

“It’s a part of your mission,” she reminded you, “What, you can kill a target with a wine glass but a pin up costume is where you draw the line?”

You clicked your tongue, “Anyone can kill someone with a wine glass. It’s not that hard.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Babe it’s not rocket science, you just break the bowl part, then use the stem to stab them in the—“ you got distracted when you opened the kitchen cabinet, “I’m sorry, why do I have so many kitchen supplies?”

She held her breath in excitement, “Do you like them?”

“I don’t know what to do with most of them.”

“Cover Y/N likes cooking!”

“And the real Y/N can’t stand her,” you deadpanned, making her stifle a laugh.

“So he hasn’t texted you yet?”

“Barnes?” you asked, “Not yet. Why?”

“Well, I took the liberty of taking a look at his messages the other day.”

“Oh God, don’t tell me,” you said, “He’s seeing someone else?”

“No no, not at all,” she said, “He’s totally single, and probably ready to mingle. With you, that is.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He and Wilson were talking about you the other day. Well, more like Wilson was telling him to get his shit together and ask you out.”

“I don’t think he’s the type to ask someone out via text,” you said, “I think he will come to the shop one of these days.”

“Why?”

“He looked sort of….” You searched for the word in your mind, “Uh-clueless?”

“Clueless?”

“Yeah, you know how assassins usually flirt,” you ignored her noise of disagreement, “He wasn’t like that.”

“You really need to focus on the personal details of his file.”

You scowled, “What is that supposed to mean?” you asked, “I know his favorite weapons, what knives he—”

“Personal file,” she repeated, “You know there’s more to people than their weapons of choice right?”

“I might have to engage in combat if I’m ever compromised, and do you know how many people walked away alive after engaging in combat with the Winter Soldier in all these decades?” you asked, “Three. Three people; Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, and they are legends. I might be good, but I’m not that good.”

“Just memorizing his arsenal can’t help you in this mission,” she said, “Did you know that he hasn’t exactly dated since becoming the Winter Soldier? His ex Connie ended up having 3 kids and a long career at the post office—“

“What am I supposed to do Chloe, stalk grandma’s Instagram?”

“No, she passed away 5 years ago.”

“Of course she did,” you mumbled, “Listen, I don’t have time for this. I’m already knee deep in my own cover, I can’t get into Barnes’s past when it’ll give me no advantage in the mission.”

“Y/N-“

“Trust me,” you cut her off, looking in the mirror to fix your uniform, “I have everything under control.”

***

You had maybe like one thing under control and that was the milkshake you were currently pouring into a mason jar. After a crash course in different recipes yesterday, you barely needed any help from your coworkers and seeing that the shop wasn’t very crowded, you didn’t have to rush.

And now you knew how to make three things; pasta, eggs and milkshakes.

If Keith were here, he would’ve said those were 3 main food groups.

“Tara, we’re running low on maraschino cherries,” you said as you shook the can and your new coworker turned to you.

“Oh that’s okay, there’s another jar are under the counter.”

You put the cherry over the whipped cream, and handed the jar to her. “There you go.”

“Another week of working here and you will come up with your own recipes,” she said, “Tell me the truth, are you like a spy sent by a rival company?”

You stared at her, then forced a laugh.

“I wish,” you said, “Maybe I’d be paid more.”

“Good point,” she said and walked to give the milkshake to the customer while you put the empty jar aside, then went under the counter to search for a new jar.

“Strawberries….” You read the labels out loud as you heard the wind bells chime by the door, “Figs, berries—cherries!”

You reached out to grab the jar and stood up but as soon as you did, you caught the sight of the figure by the door and held your breath, the jar slipping from your grip before you caught it mid-air.

“Bucky.” You breathed out, before you remembered to plaster a smile on your face.

Naïve, soft hearted civilian.

He stole a look around as if he expected someone to attack him at any seconds in a milkshake shop before he stepped closer to the counter you were standing behind.

“Hi.”

“Hi-hi there!” you said, putting the jar down, “You came!”

“You sound surprised,” he smiled and you shrugged your shoulders, shooting him a mischievous look,

“Better late than never, I suppose.”

He hissed in a breath, “Ouch, was it that late?”

“Just a little,” you said “So what can I get you?”

He looked up at the board over the wall, “What are my options?”

“Well, we have Unicorn Cotton Candy, Pumpkin Spice Latte, Candy Cane Passion, Lavender Macaron—“ you stopped talking when you saw the clueless look on his face and cleared your throat, “Or hey, maybe chocolate? We have chocolate milkshake.”

“Chocolate sounds good.”

“Coming right up.” You took a mason jar from the shelf to get to it and he grabbed his wallet, making you raise your brows.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Oh come on—”

“I’m going to make you an overly complicated milkshake if you try to pay for this,” you warned him, shaking the can before putting whipped cream on top of the milkshake, “It’s on the house, I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” he said quickly, making you point at him with the straw.

“Either way, I’m warning you. I’m armed and dangerous.”

“Consider me intimidated,” he said with a grin as he put the cash into the tip jar and you narrowed your eyes.

“Bucky.”

“Well technically, tip doesn’t count.”

“I wonder where I heard that before,” you muttered under your breath while he walked to pull himself a seat.

“Hm?”

“Nothing,” you said, reminding yourself that your cover probably wouldn’t make dirty jokes and went to place the milkshake in front of him.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” You waved a dismissive hand and rested your elbows on the counter, leaning in slightly.

He was gentleman enough to not check out your cleavage, instead kept his gaze on your face, making you suppress a smile.

“You were right,” Bucky said, his eyes darting around the café after a couple of seconds, “About how this place looked. It is creepily accurate.”

“Really?”

“I mean we didn’t have a neon flowers corner, but…” he trailed off, “Yeah. Yeah, I would say so.”

“Is that why you look like you expect someone to jump out of shadows and attack you?” you asked and his head shot up before he scrunched up his face.

“That obvious?”

“Not that I have lots of experience but so far none of the customers looked this uncomfortable while drinking a milkshake,” you said, “Is it because deep down you actually wanted to try Unicorn Cotton Candy?”

“Oh no, I’m good with classics,” He held up his milkshake, “No I just think that I’m a bit….uh, rusty.”

“Rusty,” you repeated, “On what?”

“On this.”

You batted your lashes, looking up at him and you could almost feel him being lured in.

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow,” you said softly after a beat and he gulped, taking a deep breath.

“It’s just that you’re—“ he cleared his throat, “You’re very beautiful and it’s been decades since I last asked someone out for a date.”

Winter Soldier, credited with over 100 assassinations, you reminded yourself Don’t lower your guard, it’s just a cover.

Don’t believe in your own cover.

You bit down a smile, tilting your head.

“Well, I didn’t think you were rusty,” you said and he raised his brows.

“You didn’t?”

“Not at all,” you said, “For the record, I’m definitely going to say yes.”

“Are you?”

“Absolutely,” you grinned, “Once you actually ask me, that is. With words, not an implication.”

His smile was almost playful, “With words, huh?”

“I’m old fashioned like that,” you taunted him, “Let’s see how we can make it less awkward for you though. Would you feel more comfortable to ask me out if you knew some weird stuff about me?”

“You know, that would help a lot actually.”

You tapped your fingernails on the counter, looking up at the ceiling, pretending to be in deep thought. Your superiors had always said the best cover stories were somehow based on real life without revealing your identity, so you figured telling him random things about you wouldn’t hurt or put the mission in danger.

“Well, I really like grapes but I don’t like the skin, so I end up peeling every grape I eat, one by one,” you counted with your fingers, “I watched a documentary once and now I can’t swim in any lakes because I keep thinking I’ll get attacked by that weird flesh eating bacteria. When I was sixteen, I was the president of the chess club but I had a boyfriend who didn’t believe in the moon landing—”

“I heard about the moon landing!” he said quickly, “I didn’t get around to watch it yet though.”

“Oh my God, you should.”

“What else?”

“I’m scared of peacocks,” you confessed, “I know everyone says they’re beautiful but they look like they’re waiting for the right time to attack you.”

He looked like he was fighting with himself not to laugh and he pressed his metal fist on his lips, his whole attention on you.

“You can’t laugh!” you exclaimed and he shook his head, trying to look as serious as possible.

“I’m not!” he managed to hide his chuckle with a cough, “Keep going, this is very helpful.”

You heaved a sigh. “Well, do you want to hear the most embarrassing one?”

“Absolutely.”

“I normally keep my phone on mute 24/7 but since last week it’s been on full volume because I was terrified I’d miss something important.”

The amused light in his eyes got softer and he lowered his hand, a smile warming his face.

Hook, line…

“I was um— I was hoping for you to call, you see.” you said, averting your gaze from him to look down for a second, biting on your lip.

His voice was raspy; “Were you?”

You shrugged your shoulders, mumbling an inaudible maybe, and his eyes trailed down to your lips before snapping up to lock your gaze in his.

“What time do you get off work today?”

And sinker.

Time to pull back.

You sucked in a breath through your teeth, “I work at the soup kitchen tonight.”

“Oh –I thought you said it was on Mondays and Wednesdays.”

“I did, I’m just covering for a friend tonight. Family emergency, she says.” you said and pushed your hair behind your ear, shifting your weight, “But my shift is over at 6 tomorrow and I can be ready around 7, I live really close by. If you’re- if you’re free, that is.”

“I am.”

“It’s a date, then.”

“It’s a date,” he repeated and stood up, “See you tomorrow, Y/N.”

“See you tomorrow Bucky.” You smiled as he walked out of the shop and Tara came closer to you.

“Wow, you’ve been here a month and you met someone that hot?” she said and winked at you, “Good job there.”

Right.

Good job.

***

“So, wait—“ Chloe came closer to sit between you and Keith, holding a huge bowl of popcorn, “He just showed up?”

“Mm hm.”

“And you have a date tomorrow?”

Keith uncapped your beer and handed you the bottle as you rested your feet on the coffee table.

“You’re being careful, aren’t you?” he asked you and you nodded.

“Sure.”

“He doesn’t suspect anything?”

“No, he’s buying this whole naïve soft hearted civilian thing,” you said while Chloe snatched the remote from Keith’s hand, ignoring protests.

“And are you?”

You dragged your eyes from the list of movies on the screen. “I want a horror movie.”

“Well too bad, I want an action movie.”

“We’re watching a rom-com and that’s final!” Chloe pointed at both of you, making you groan.

“Why does this keep happening?” Keith asked to no one in particular and she snapped her fingers.

“It’s my turn and my place so I pick the movie,” she said and shot you a look, “I’m still waiting for an answer, by the way. You don’t….you don’t have feelings for Barnes, right?”

Keith stole a look at you before turning to Chloe,

“I don’t think our dear friend here wants a relationship beautiful,” he told her, “Not after what happened the last time.”

You could feel the goosebumps rising on your arms as a shiver ran down your spine.

“I don’t even know Barnes all that well yet, but I can assure you he’s not the type to—“ you paused, “Do something that cowardly.”

Keith gritted his teeth. “Where is that asshole anyway?”

“Hungary,” Chloe said and you raised your brows.

“Undercover?”

“Yeah. I hope he gets compromised and dies there.”

“Very unlikely,” you murmured, “Anyways, what brought this on? My feelings for Barnes?”

“It’s just that I recently read Vincent Smith’s file,” she said, “You guys remember Vincent?”

“Who?”

“His code name was Marco.”

“Oh, I remember Marco!” Keith said, “That guy took down a whole unit by himself. What happened to him?”

“He is missing.” Chloe said and you pulled your brows together.

“Since when do agents go missing and we don’t know where they are?”

“Since they fall for the target.”

“No way,” Keith chuckled, “Badass spy Marco fell in love? Poor idiot.”

“You’re a terrible person, Keith.”

You sat up straighter, “Wait, did you say he fell for the target?”

“Yeah, I saw the reports from his handler. And now he’s missing, and I don’t want you to run away with Barnes like Marco did with his target.”

You and Keith exchanged glances and you clicked your tongue.

“Chloe babe, he’s not missing.” you said “He’s dead.”

She pulled back slightly, “You don’t know-“

“Yes I do. You don’t fall for the target and compromise the whole mission, not unless you want to end up dead.”

“There’s no report of that,” she insisted and Keith sipped his beer.

“What did his report say, sweetheart?”

“That he was removed from his mission before going missing.”

Keith scoffed, “Rest in peace Marco, you won’t be missed.”

“How do you know—“

“Because that’s the code,” you said, “If the report says he was removed from his mission and went missing, it means he was killed by an agent on our side.”

“We killed our own agent?” she exclaimed and you turned the beer bottle in your hand,

“He stopped being our agent the moment he fell for the target.”

Chloe covered her mouth with her hands, worry etched into her expression, “Y/N, please, please promise me you won’t somehow get too involved in this mission and fall for Barnes and put yourself in danger.”

You let out a small laugh, grabbing a handful of popcorn.

“It’s the Winter Soldier we’re talking about,” you reminded her and chewed on the popcorn, “Trust me, that would never happen.”

“Cross your heart?”

You heaved a sigh and clinked your beer bottle with hers.

“Cross my heart honey,” you assured her, “There’s no way I’d sign my own death warrant by doing something that stupid.”

Chapter 6

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #marvel #bucky barnes x you

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