#i always used to see this exact fucking shirt in those 'name three songs' type tiktoks so i made this bc i think im funny

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

i was trying to clean my room earlier but then i found this ACDC shirt i got as a christmas gift from a well intentioned aunt who really doesnt know all that much abt me, and i was suddenly struck with A Vision so i gave up cleaning to spend like 3 hours making this:

#i don't really listen to ACDC please call me a poser #it says :D #i always used to see this exact fucking shirt in those 'name three songs' type tiktoks so i made this bc i think im funny #my clothes #diy #punk clothes #yes i am tagging this as punk clothing bc i made it myself and whats more punk than making fun of being called a poser? #idk why im explaining myself here clearly i do not actually give a shit abt labels lmao #the real question is do i tag this as acdc? #eh why not #acdc #its great bc now this is a shirt ill actually wear :D

[cc-pdf]

What’s It Like In New York City?

Katsuki Bakugou x reader

Quirkless rock band au

Based off of the song, Hey There Delilah

Word count: 2913

Warnings: Slight alcohol use. Nothing to be worried about though.

  After a long day at university you decided you deserved a night out on the town. Although you had piles of homework to do, you decided to put that all aside and just relax and have a few drinks. You grabbed your big winter coat and stepped out of campus into the swirling cold winter outside. L Street Tavern was one of the closest bars to your campus, so you decided to settle down there. Plus, they always have live music there, even better.

  After a short walk through the blistering cold air you had finally arrived at the historic bar. You noticed a flyer on the window it read,

  "Sex Bob Omb playing tonight."

  You had never heard of them before. It was probably just some local band. You stepped through the bars creaking door and took a seat on one of the oak stools. There were only a few other people at the bar. Most of them were probably in their mid 40s or 50s. You had given them a slight wave when you sat down just to be friendly. They had waved back, but then quickly returned back to their conversations. You weren't really looking for people to talk to, you just wanted to relax after the stressful day.

  After a couple of drinks you heard the tuning of a guitar in the corner. You looked over to see a couple people in the corner. They were dressed like classic teenage band members. Black jeans, skate shoes, a random t-shirt they found in the back of their closet. You examined each member. A spiky blond seemed to be the lead. He was tuning his guitar and had a microphone stood in front of him. Behind him was a short black haired girl behind a microphone. She seemed to be the backup singer. The last person was a crazy red haired boy at the drums. It seemed like your typical band that probably practices in the garage. You loved those types of bands. Something about them just seemed so raw and authentic.

  A few moments later you jumped to the sound of the red hair banging his drum sticks together.

  "ONE TWO THREE GO!" He yelled signaling the band to start.

  You never really thought a band like this would be playing at a historic bar in the middle of a harsh Boston winter. But, bands really will play wherever they can nowadays. They have to try and get any recognition they can.

  "This is the beginning of the song." The blond muttered into the microphone with his raspy voice. "I'm hearing voices, animal voices. The creme da la creme. the feminine abyss. And I'm reaching my threshold. Staring at the truth till i'm blind." He began lazily singing with the sound of a rough, badly tuned guitar.

  The lyrics weren't too bad for just some random band. You actually thoroughly enjoyed the sound of such a band like this. You could see the the crazy red hair banging at the broken down set of drums releasing all of his anger. It made you giggle a bit.

  "My body's stupid, stereo putrid. Spilling out music into raw sewage." The girl jumped into sing. She surprisingly had a pretty good voice, although it didn't really suit the vibe of the band.

  "Reaching my threshold. Staring at the truth till I'm blind." They all sang together. They repeated the same verses a couple more times. When the song had ended you could tell they were all out of breath from the loud performance. They were panting like dogs on a hot summer day.

  "WE ARE SEX BOB OMB!!!" The girl yelled out to the bar while raising her hands in the air.

  "I hope you guys enjoyed, but we've lost all of our breath for tonight, peace." The blond said while walking into the back room. Most people started clapping and cheering, some people were booing them at the fact they only played one song, but you just returned to your bitter cold beer in front of you. The cold alcohol entering your stomach calmed you from your hard day.

  A few moments later the band members took a seat at the bar near you. It seemed they just wanted a few drinks after that harsh performance.

  "Miller Lite, please." The spiky blond said to the bar tender under his raspy tone.

  "Same here." The other two members said. The bar tender poured the three drinks and slid them across the bar to them.

  "You like the show?" The blond looked over and asked to you, as you sipped your cold drink.

  "Yeah, wasn't expecting such a lame band to go this hard." You said looking over to him.

  "Hey, we try our best to look professional here." He snapped back at you.

  "I'm just teasing." You said focusing back on your drink.

  "So, you from around here?" He said with his masculine tone.

  "I go to university near here, but I'm originally from New York City." You said fiddling with the rim of your drink.

  "The big apple, huh? Must've been rough living there." He responded.

  "Not really..." You said taking a sip of your beer.

  "We're from around here. Cambridge to be exact. We spend a lot of time over in Boston though. Trying to get a good gig." He explained while taking another sip of his Miller Lite.

  "I'm sure you'll get a gig. You're pretty good." You said trying to sound nice.

  "Thanks. Maybe you can come watch us here again sometime." He said passing you a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket with their schedule printed on it.

  "Thanks, but I'm leaving the city for a few weeks to visit family back in New York. Maybe I'll see you after. My names y/n, by the way." You said looking into his bright crimson eyes while grabbing the schedule. You could see the disappointment in his eyes.

  "Oh, well that's a downer. You must be pretty busy with school too..." He said trailing off.

  "Damnit Bakugou, stop flirting with the poor girl." The red hair chipped in. The girl laughed along.

  "Shut up you prick, at least she's not a whore. I'm not even flirting." He snapped at them while getting up to go to the bathroom.

  After he had came back things were pretty quiet after the remark the red hair had made.

  About a half hour later you decided you should start heading back to campus. It was 12:30 and you needed some rest.

  "Hey, I'll try and come see your band when I come back." You said waving to them as you walked out the door.

  "See ya!" The blond said with that tired voice of his.

  "Yeah, see ya." The other two trailed along.

  You knew you probably wouldn't see them again because you're always so hung up with school. It didn't really matter to you anyways, they were just some random band at the bar.

  Little did you know, the ash blond, Katsuki Bakugou, thought you were absolutely stunning. With that perfect h/l, h/c hair of yours, your big, e/c eyes, and your little smile, you were nothing but perfect to him. You were stuck in his mind for the next few weeks. You weren't some crazy little fake fan girl looking to fuck for once. You seemed genuine.

  You had pinned the schedule he gave you onto the cork board in your dorm. Although you didn't really care too much to go and see them again, maybe it would be nice to check and see if they're still playing at L Street Tavern when you get back.

  Only a couple days later you got on the bus to New York. It was a long ride, but it was worth it all in the end. You desperately wanted to see your family after 4 long months of living alone at school.

~

  A couple weeks after your encounter with Katsuki Bakugou you still hadn't left his mind. Your beautiful name was glued to his brain. He decided to tune up his guitar and start a song about you. He liked to get his thoughts out by writing songs. It calmed him. He started with a simple,

  "Hey there y/n, what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away, but, girl, tonight you look so pretty." He thought it sounded cheesy, but he continued writing it anyways. He enjoyed the sound of a rough acoustic guitar against a sweet love song. He had never written a song like this before, it was all so new to him. He usually wrote songs about his anger or hate for people, usually engaging in more of a hard rock, or head bangers.

  A couple days later he decided to find an open mic to play the song at. He was pretty proud of the new tune and couldn't help but share it. He found an open mic session at a small family owned restaurant right around the corner from L Street Tavern. He was worried you might show up and hear the song, but he remembered, you were staying in New York for a pretty long time.

  The night of the open mic had come. He stepped into the tiny restaurant and sat down at a table with his guitar. There was quite a few people at the restaurant that night. He hoped they would like his newly crafted love song.

  Eventually, he stepped into the space with the cheap microphone and pulled his guitar strap over his shoulder.

  "I wrote this song for a girl that's been stuck in my mind for the past few weeks. I hope you enjoy." He said into the microphone.

  Authors note - Hey, I would suggest maybe listening to Hey There Delilah by Plain White Ts during this part :) okay back to the story.

  He started gently strumming his guitar to a rhythm.

  "Hey there y/n what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away, but, girl, tonight you look so pretty. Yes you do. Times square can't shine as bright as you. I swear, it's true." He began the song with his lazy guitar playing. He continued the song. He could tell most of the people in the restaurant enjoyed the honesty behind the lyrics. It made him happy someone was enjoying his work.

  "Hey there, y/n. Don't you worry about the distance. I'm right there if you get lonely. Give this song another listen. Close your eyes. Listen to my voice, it's my disguise. I'm by your side." He sang under his gruff voice.

  "Oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me. What you do to me." He led on with the catchy bridge.

  "Hey there, y/n. I know times are gettin' hard. But just believe me, girl. Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar. We'll have it good. We'll have the life we knew we would. My word is good." Bakugou carried on.

  "Hey there, y/n. I've got so much left to say. If every simple song I wrote to you. Would take your breath away. I'd write it all. Even more in love with me you'd fall. We'd have it all." He went on, after that singing the bridge again.

  "A thousand miles seems pretty far. But they've got planes and trains and cars. I'd walk to you if I had no other way. Our friends would all make fun of us. And we'll just laugh along because we'd know. That none of them have felt this way. Y/n, I can promise you. That by the time that we get through. The world will never ever be the same. And you're to blame." He sang emotionally while strumming along.

  "Hey there, y/n. You be good, and don't you miss me. Two more years and you'll be done with school. And I'll be makin' history like I do. You know it's all because of you. We can do whatever we want to. Hey there, y/n, here's to you. This one's for you." After this he slowly ended the lovely song with the bridge,

  "Oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me. What you do to me, oh oh, woah, woah. Oh woah, oh. Oh." He sang softly, ending the song by strumming all of the strings on his beat up guitar.

  After he had finished the sweet tune someone came up to him.

  "Hey kid, that song you played was actually pretty good. The lyrics and rhythm were amazingly catchy. No one can ever go wrong with a classic love song. Maybe I can help you get big. I know some people in the industry. I came here to find some new musicians, actually." The mysterious figure said to him.

  Bakugou was in shock. He knew people liked his music. But not to the point where somebody like this would notice him. Especially this song. It was just some overly cheesy love song.

  "Thanks." He said not knowing what to say. He was speechless.

  "Here, give me a call." He said while slipping his business card over to the blond.

  Of course later that night he couldn't help but call the guy. He had never heard anything like this from someone.

~

  Y/n was nearing the end of her trip. She was sitting in her Mother's car on the way to the bus station back to Boston. She couldn't help but over hear the radio.

  "Hey we have a new love song from this band called Sex Bob Omb. I thought it was pretty good, how about we give it a play." You couldn't believe what you just heard, so you immediately turned up the volume on the radio. You could hear that spiky blond's classic voice over the sound of a relaxed, acoustic guitar. It seemed very unlike the band to have a song like this, or even be on the radio.

  "Hey there y/n, what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away, but, girl, tonight you look so pretty. Yes you do." The song started out gently. You jumped at these lyrics. You thought you were dreaming. But you weren't...

  "Mom, I think this song is about me..." You said trying not to sound insane.

  "Sweetie, it's just some song on the radio I'm sure you're over thinking it." She said calmly.

  "No, Mom, I saw this band at the tavern a few weeks ago. The lead singer was talking to me at the bar." You denied her.

  "I'm sure it's just a coincidence." She said keeping her eye on the road.

  "Times Square can't shine as bright as you. I swear, it's true." You softened at these lyrics. The way he wrote them... It made you feel like you were the only girl in the world that mattered.

  "Hey there, y/n. Don't you worry about the distance. I'm right there if you get lonely. Give this song another listen. Close your eyes. Listen to my voice, it's my disguise. I'm by your side." You couldn't help but feel like he was actually by your side, like he stated. You wished he could sing this to you, with that guitar of his, while looking you in the eyes. You really were falling for some mysterious guy. You would have never thought you would fall for some rebellious band member... or someone that you barely even knew. Music had never moved you in a way like this, it was so connecting, yet unexpected.

  Finally, You had made it back to your campus. You rushed up to your dorm to see that schedule he gave you. You wanted to see him again. The lyrics of the song made you melt. It warmed your heart. Making you fall for the random blond even more. Thankfully, the band was booked pretty far ahead on the schedule.

  A few nights later you caught yourself back at L Street Tavern hoping to see them there. You were sure they wouldn't be there now that they had made it on the radio. But it didn't hurt to try and see if they would be there.

  Unexpectedly you heard the sweet voice of the girl scream,

  "WE ARE SEX BOB OMB!"

  You turned around and made eye contact with the blond. His face flourished red. You couldn't stop staring into his glistening crimson eyes.

  "Wait, it's y/n." He said walking over to you, stopping the other band members.

  "The girl you wrote the song about? I thought that was just a made up name." The red hair said furrowing his eyebrows.

  "You came..." He said looking into your love struck eyes.

I really wanted to make a story inspired by this song so I hope you liked it. :)

Please comment some more songs you would like me to write stories about.

Also yes I got the name Sex Bob Omb and the song they sang is from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World hehe. Also, L Street Tavern is a real bar in Boston!

#bakugou #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #quirkless bakugou #quirkless au #band au #mha #mha x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugo #bakugo x reader #boku no hero #boku no hero x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #mha quirkless #mha fanfic #bnha fanfic #bakugou fanfic #mha drabble #mha fanfiction #mha bakugou

[butterbeeryuta]

You

Inspired by Netflix original series, 'You.'

yuta x reader | stalker!yuta au | smut, thriller | 6.0 k

warning: mention of drugs, profanity, death, stalker behaviour, sex scene

Note: Sometimes, you have to do what is right. It may not be right for you, or anyone else, but hey, ethics is a tough area of study. In the end, we all have our own personal morals anyway. It’s called egoism. Believe me, I’m doing this for you. Just hang on, we’ll meet, and you will be mine.

Ah, I was waiting for you. Three twenty-four p.m. every Wednesday and Friday. For the rest of the days, you either have work at the clothing store as a sales clerk and English assistance, or at the café if their pancakes are on sale. But, today is Friday. You walked in the library rather silently if I have to say. I’ve been observing you since last year when you entered this university from a TA’s perspective. Today, you were wearing a button-up shirt tucked into your jeans, so it can be assumed that you take a business related course—maybe economics, or business studies. But, I know you don’t. You’re in your second year of university taking biochemistry hoping to be a pharmacist to help your adopted older brother, Lucas, recover from his drug addiction. You have a really caring and supportive father who will do anything for his children, and that is because he does not know about your brother’s condition. He thinks that your brother is doing fantastic studying marine biology abroad in Australia, when he is actually living with you and your roommate in Seoul still figuring who the hell he is. As per your mother, nobody knows I guess. Nobody really knows, and neither do you. But, let’s pretend I do not know that for now.

Your eyes were looking for where to sit. You looked unsure if you should sit next to Kim Eunseo, the third year student in the acting department known for vomiting on her boyfriend, or the empty spot in front of me, the teacher assistant for chemical thermodynamics. Or maybe, you want to sit beside Na Jaemin, the heartthrob freshman of Hanyang University. The boy was perfect; pretty face, honey-like voice, and takes media studies and journalism under a 50% scholarship. But, I am better. I am better for you, and not that heartthrob, and neither is your ‘small’ crush on Dong fucking Sicheng who also happens to like you. Your eyes scanned over the empty seats, and for whatever god or spirit that was listening to me, you seemed to walk over to my space. Good job, you’re taking the initiative to come near me. It’s good progress my dear.

‘Hi, Yuta right? Is it alright if I can use the socket in front of you for my iPad?’ So that was the reason. Maybe next time you will willingly sit near me because of me, and not for that device of yours. And it’s been almost two years my love, how are you still so unsure about my name?

‘Yeah, of course, here let me plug it in for you… y/n right?’ That’s good Yuta, do the same thing your loved one does. You smiled brightly in return, nodding your head in approval. You should smile more my dear, it looks wonderful on you. So much more wonderful than the sorrowful and heavy eyes you have whenever you come home when having to deal with that gigantic brother of yours from both family and school stress. But trust me, all of this pain and pressure will all be lifted once you fall into my arms. I will keep you safe and loved. Your hand reached out of your bag for the charger, the white wire coiling against your smooth skin. My dear, the things you do so innocently can mean something else for people like me. Imagine your vulnerable and frail little body tied up against the bed with a white rope, it will look so good against your skin. For a person so intelligent academically, I wonder why you have a crush on a man who just so happens to like you back. He’s such as ass acting all cute and innocent when in reality he just wants you to teach him and give your notes just so that he can pass Biology 101. Your hand, or I guess the charger, made its way to mine, our skin touching for a brief second. Our first time holding hands.

‘Thank you so much. And just for the record, I do know that your name is Yuta. You’re the TA for chemical thermodynamics. And also because that was the class I got highest in’ you added, smiling shyly as you look at your iPad, probably a digital copy of your polymer chemistry textbook. Of course you got the highest in that subject. Yes you are intelligent, highly intelligent if I have to say, but a 97% as an average may slightly be an exaggeration in comparison to your original average of a 83%.

‘Ah yes of course. 97% in chemical thermodynamics, how can I ever forget you.’ I added with a smile.

‘Surprisingly yeah. I genuinely thought material chemistry was my best, but now I guess it’s thermodynamics.’ You added. You’re not lying. Material chemistry was, and still is your best. You’re doing great in all subjects love, so you do not need to worry about that. It’s just your fucked up brother, and your insufferable crush.

‘Well you did amazingly well on your test. With a brain like yours, you would be wanted to come join the seminars for your thesis paper you’ll write in the next 2 years.’ You only smiled in return, your go-to-move when you just want to start working on your stuff. I saw that happen way too many times. For example, two years ago on the 7th of December at the café, the waiter asked for your phone number, but you only smiled and rejected in response. Last year on April 30th when you were on your trip to Jeju island with your friends, Yeeun and Sooyoung, you wanted to stay in your hotel room because you were tired, so you smiled to the girls and rejected their offer to go to beach. And what did you do instead while your friends were swimming and tanning? You masturbated while watching lesbian porn on that exact same iPad you are studying from. With that note, I let you work on whatever you had to do, while I should be checking the current materials in the lab for the lab experiment for the freshmen students. God I hate being a TA.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been exactly three hours and seventeen minutes since you came, working hard on your notes as you listen to piano versions of kpop songs. You’re honestly so cute sometimes, it’s really hard to control myself and devour you. But that time shall come naturally to us one day. If not, I will ensure it will happen.

‘Hey, can I ask something?’ Are you talking to me? I looked up at the love of my life. Your eyes looking at me, very clear to me that you want something.

‘Yeah, what is it?’ Well that sounded quite rude. 

‘I know that you’re a Chemistry graduate student, and as mentioned earlier, you work as a teacher assistant. I was wondering if there is a job open at the university? I do work at the clothing store, but I sorta need more income since I have to move apartments. Anyway, um, is there a job open?’ You asked. More jobs to move? What the fuck, is your roommate kicking you out? Your voice sounded so… desperate, needy, broken. You were broken.

‘Well I doubt it you can be a TA, but I’ll see if I can get you the lab technician position, or maybe the university’s official peer tutor. I’ll see what I can do.’ And there is that beautiful smile again. Obviously I will have to actually ask the professors and administrators, but they know your reputation and capabilities love. They talk about how you’re ready to go to graduate school in an instant, and how you’ll be a great asset in the research department. I promise you, your life will be perfect the moment those two men stop dragging you, especially Lucas.

‘Thank you so, so, so, much Yuta. Here, let me give you my contact for easier access…’ Good job my dear, good job.

Wine is disgusting. The amount of tannin present is so overwhelming, leaving an unpleasant taste in your mouth. I don’t know why you like it love, but here I am in a restaurant that serves multiple different types of wine. Red, white, mulled, rose—all of which I know you will greatly enjoy. I want to question why you drink this, but I know. It’s all you ever post on that nonsensical Instagram page of yours. Wine. Wine. Wine. Sometimes there’s a splash of red, or clear bubbles coming from time to time. You’re a mess, a drunken mess. Which is why I am here; I will fix everything for you. Knowing that you texted your group chat entitled as ‘vagina power’ twenty-three minutes ago that you were on the way to the restaurant, you should walk through that door in three, two, on—

‘Excuse me, is Mr. Nakamoto Yuta here?’ Your voice asked the waitress.  Technology never fails, I can assure you that. There you were in your clothes from class today. You had medicinal chemistry, human physiology, organic chemistry, analytical chemistry, then ended the day with Korean—you must be exhausted my love. While you were apologising being late as you made your way to the table, all I could notice were your dark under eyes, the dullness in your eyes, and the slight oiliness on your scalp. You are overworked and internally dead. Despite my one year and a bit of research on you, what I could never answer was why you are working so damn hard and not letting one in to help you. Yes, I know that it is your goal to be this highly skilled pharmacist to help your brother, but you yourself knows that even without the excessive revising, you will still make it. Back in senior high school a guy named Kim Yugyeom asked you out, and you said no. You also said no to Park Jimin, Kim Jungwoo, Bang Chan, and even your first ever crush in Grade 11—Yoo Jeongyeon. She made you think girls were for you, but you still said no even if you two fucked in the laboratory because you didn’t ‘finish’ your experiment. Why do you always say no?

‘… thank you so much.’ You were still talking?

‘No problem at all. So, how’s university?’ Keep the conversation going Yuta, keep it going.

‘Well, it is challenging and heavy, but I guess I am doing fine. But now that I get the lab technician job, it will hopefully get better’ you say much more cheerfully, contrasting the tiredness and paleness of your face. You’re an unheard ghost.

‘Well that is how university is. But to congratulate you for your new job, we must make a toast!’ You raised your glass, and so do I, and we clinked. My, how can you not love this person. The moment I see you, all I want to do is hug you, protect you, and love you. If I can make you mine, treat you as my own, I will be the happiest man on the earth.

‘So how did you become a TA?’ You asked as you sipped your alcoholic beverage; your plush lips pressing so tightly against the rim of the glass cup and—Yuta, stop it. 

‘Well, I took Chemistry only for my undergrad, and a bit of IT and languages. Then the professor, Professor Seo, asked me to be his teacher assistant initially for organic chemistry. But, I hated that subject and I ended up negotiating to change my position after a month. Then I got the chemical thermodynamics TA job. It’s honestly the exact same job, but I just prefer this topic.’ This is most likely that only truth that I have told you, and you were still listening to me for every word. A true listener with a bright mind, yet not bright enough to realise I have been watching you for more than one year.

‘Well, I think that is great. But let’s move away from academics, I just had five classes straight and I will honestly evaporate into thin air if I hear the c-word again.’ You say as you slightly chuckle. Alright then, what should we talk about? The reason to why you’re leaving your apartment? Your reason to deny people’s offer when they ask you out on a date? Why you overwork yourself to death to a point where you’re affecting yourself physically? Tell me, I need to know.

‘So you wanted to leave your current apartment right? Why’s that?’ You froze for a while. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes moving to the side. Almost unsure if you should respond to my question. You do have a point though, this is by far our first oral conversation, you barely know me.

‘I can’t afford my current apartment anymore since I kind of forced my brother to be moved to the hospital. So I need to save up more money to pay for hospital bills and the cheaper apartment.’ You quietly replied, your eyes still avoiding mine.

‘Oh no, what happened to your brother?’

‘He’s sick. Mentally ill.’ Well, at least you’re not lying to me. Though you could have said that your brother was kicked out of the University of Adelaide for failing all his classes, then he moved back to Seoul with you all high and reliant on that white powdery poison. It has been two years, and he was barely improving, and you had to move him to a hospital. Why didn’t you tell your father who loves the both of you unconditionally? It was because for that exact reason—he loves the two of you unconditionally. You knew for a fact that once your father finds out that your brother is a drug addict mess, Lucas is cut from the family, and you just could not let that happen. You two grew up together, and he used to take care of you a lot when you were in high school. He helped you drive around places, or libraries per se, and he also bought you snacks and all. He seemed to be very happy and caring back then, and you do not know what happened to him the moment he touched down in Australia.

‘I’m sorry to hear that. I hope he gets better soon.’

‘Thank you, I hope he does too.’ The conversation is dying Yuta, quick, think of something.

‘So when are you planning to move?’

‘Oh um, maybe sometime in February or end of January. I will be getting my apartment keys in the next two weeks, so yeah, around those times.’ I better clean up my schedule during that time then.

‘Hey if you need help in moving, just let me know. I will be willing to help.’ Your eyes finally looked up to meet mine, slightly bigger than usual as the corner of your lips were about to rise. You were about to reject my offer.

‘I-I think it’s fine, I’ll be able to manage on my own—‘

‘No, no, I insist. You’re going through quite a bit, the least I can do is help you move in your stuff.’ You nodded instead, bringing your lips to a tight line. You’re considering my offer aren’t you?

‘Alright, I’ll let you know when I’m moving.’ You say as you comb your hair backwards with your fingers. I cannot wait to make you mine.

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It’s been about two months since we had our first proper conversation, and we have not stopped since.

‘You know, Ikea is the greatest thing that has ever came into existence.’ You say, carrying the big wooden compartment for your bed. Which will eventually be our bed, but I can wait.

‘Hmm, I remembered a few days ago you said ice cream was the greatest invention in human history.’ And it is arguably true. It’s comfort food, and keeps you happy from the amount of sugar stored in which makes your brain beg for more. It’s addicting yet unhealthy, but you cannot stop yourself. You crave it when you’re happy, sad, angry, stressed, tired— it’s designed for you to be beg, and beg, and be—

‘Ice cream is a great invention, I do not deny that. We should get ice cream afterwards once we’re done building this bed.’ You smiled at me, again. That beautiful and bright smile of yours can melt anyone my dear, you better be careful before you flash it to anyone else. ‘Anyway, we should go back to building this thing, I want to sleep tonight’ you added, moving your legs again to attach the next piece of the bed frame. Maybe I misread you a bit, you seem to work hard in everything. Not only in academics, but you’ve been doing your best in the lab, academically, ensuring your brother feels safe at the hospital, and even in making a goddamn bed frame for yourself. It is almost as if you barely take any breaks, and yet you do not seem to mind. Maybe you just enjoy to work hard.

‘Ice cream later is it then. Are you the type to eat those weird flavours like into mint chocolate or strawberry cheesecake, or some shit like that?’ Of course I knew what you liked. A few months ago, October the 12th to be exact, you went for ice cream with your lab partner, Sana, and you had chocolate only. You claimed yourself to be an avid chocolate lover. I honestly do not blame you for that.

‘I don’t think they’re weird or anything, but I just prefer to have plain chocolate. I just like chocolate in general. How about you?’

‘I’m more of a matcha type of guy.’ Another honest thing that came out of my mouth. You chuckled in response, nodding your head up and down just by a little. You want to say something don’t you? ‘What is it?’ I asked.

‘Oh, it’s nothing too bad. It’s just very Japanese of you,’ you answered, trying to snap yourself out of a giggly state. Cute. After our small chat, we eventually set up the wooden frame, and placed the mattress on top along with placing of the beige bedsheet. I can’t believe this will be the exact same bed where we’ll have our first everything, including our children. We will have two beautiful daughters: Saya and Emiko. They will be four years apart, and both girls will be at least bilingual. They will also love and cherish the both of us. With our combined intelligence, our girls will conquer the industries, wrapping the entire world in their little, delicate fingers. We will be a perfect family of four, and this bed, the one we have just made together, will be with us until the end. Just before my mind could go somewhere else, your tired body dropped on the newly made bed, feeling the softness and the warmth provided by the material.

‘I know you’re tired too Yuta, you should lay down too,’ you say with your eyes closed, both your hands interlocking with one another just above your abdomen. From what I know, you only do this when you are really tired, thinking of all sort of different scenarios. Since you asked me to anyway, I laid down beside your exhausted body, embracing the same warmth the bed is providing. ‘You know, I’ve never really had anyone over at my place since I’m so busy and all, but I’m glad you came and helped me move’ you softly say, your eyes finally open as your orbs look directly up at the plain ceiling.

‘It’s not a problem really, you do seem tired during lessons so I figured helping you a bit can hopefully ease whatever you’re going through.’ You grinned at what I said, as if you somewhat agree. I do hope it’s true my dear. You had it tough with your brother, but I will assure you that you will become the pharmacist you deserve to be.

‘You did, Yuta. You did.’ The bed slightly shifted, only to see you on your side as you look at me, and here I am looking back at you. Without hesitation, your lips pressed against mine, something I did not expect at all. Since when were you like this? Have I misread you all this time? You rejected so many different guys and one girl, yet now you are acting to brave and different in contrast to my observations and research over the past years. Although multiple questions came across my head, this does not mean I have to stop whatever you just began. 

Your warm hand made its way to my left cheek, rubbing the cheek back and forth with your thumb, almost the same gesture when you caress your loved ones. Grabbing your left leg, I pulled over my body, allowing you to sit on top of me, our bodies so close to being connected, to being united. The kiss did not break at all, in fact, it deepened. You surprisingly took the initiative to tap the velvety muscle on my bottom lip, so needy to enter the hot cavern. Maybe this is your way to ensure that you can trust me, and that somebody can love you forever. Maybe this is a process of yours to know that you will be taken care of for eternity. I deserve to be with you my love, you are everything to me, and I know I will be your everything. Your tongue eventually slipped through my lips; both our wet muscles meeting each others, exploring each others caverns for the first time. My arms were holding you tightly against my body, keeping your fragile body on top of mine—I do not want to let you go. But, how do I know that you really want this? Despite the fact that I do not want this to end, I had to pull away, just to be sure. Our mouths slowly separated with the presence of a string of wetness proving the intense session we just had. Your forehead fell against mine, your eyes clouded with lust as you pant heavily against me.

‘Do you still want to do this?’ I have to know.

‘Y-yes, please make me feel good’ you whispered against me. Fuck.

*Disclaimer: sex scene will begin from here. This will be a female x male smut scene, so if this is something you do not want to read, please scroll down until you see another disclaimer similar to this. Please keep in mind that I will write a male x male scene, so please do not feel too disappointed. I am sorry that I was not able to write it on the same day as the publication. Thank you.

Our lips reconnected again, only this time, the feeling was much more intense. I poured in all of my frustration of waiting, and the amount of love and lust I have for you my love. I flipped us over, finally seeing your sensitive and fragile body below me. You are a sight to see my dear, but only for me. I have seen the way your body trembles as your delicate fingers enter in and out of you; your legs shake uncontrollably, your free hand unconsciously slips inside your hot mouth trying to keep yourself quiet, and your beautiful face contorts in pure pleasure. I want you to do the exact same, but I want you to be louder, and I want to be the one pleasuring you. The moment our tongues touched again, I took the initiative to envelop your velvety muscle with my lips, tasting you completely, leaving you as a moaning mess under me. So you like this. I continued to do so as your hips slightly rocks back and forth, your covered sex rubbing against me. Leaving your mouth, I peppered kisses down your addictive skin, taking in the honey-like scent you had. Soft whimpers escaped your throat, clearly enjoying the amount of care and love you were receiving. You deserve this. My hands slipped under your shirt, feeling the soft and supple skin until I met your clothed breasts. Massaging the flesh against my hands, your fingers crawled up behind my neck, slowly making its way to my hair, pulling the roots so gently. My dear, you are indeed irresistible.

‘Yuta t-touch me please,’ you beg, moving your hips even rougher than before, almost as if you are trying to reach for your orgasm by yourself. I chuckled at your submissive manner, knowing exactly what to do to make you come.

‘You want to come my princess? Do you want your pretty pussy to come over my tongue? You’d like that won’t you as you beg nonstop.’ I read that on your diary, you wanted someone to go down on you and make you orgasm uncontrollably, and you want to repeat the process until you beg them to stop. My dear, you are one dirty little girl. You only whimpered in response, nodding your head vigorously. Although it would have been ideal to get a response from you, I know for a fact that the last time you got laid was five months ago with your colleague at the clothing store, Lee Minho. I hope that he is forgotten. Pulling your shirt up, I kissed down from your supple skin until I met the top of your black sweats. I slowly pulled at the strings as my eyes looked up to meet yours. There you were with your glossy and lust-filled eyes as your bite your finger, anticipating what would happen to you. Your chest was heaving up and down as I pulled at your pants, only to reveal you in your sheer white bra and panties. What a fucking sight. Pulling your legs apart, a visible wet patch was displayed, showing a clear outline of your pink lips begging to be destroyed.

‘I haven’t even touched your greedy little hole and yet you are so wet princess.’ Before you could even say anything, my tongue made contact with the soaked cloth, tasting the sweet essence as a moan of relief escaped your throat. Continuing to lick up and down against your clothed sex, your fingers made it to the roots of my hair as your slowly rock your core against my face. Your moans slowly turned louder and louder, and all I can say is, I was definitely going to implode. Allowing you to take control of me, your legs started to tremble on either side of my head as the tip of my tongue was on your covered clitoris. To further intensify the feeling, I pulled your barely existing panties to the side, sucking on your clit, tasting you properly, eating you out like a starved man.

‘Fuck!’ You screamed, legs shaking vigorously as your fingers left my hair for your lips. Without letting you rest, I grabbed both of your legs, pushing my tongue into your dripping entrance, pathetically clenching around it. What a fucking whore. Moans and sounds of me eating your core filled the room, and whoever is living beside you is surely going to know you as a slut. ‘Y-yuta shit I’m coming again,’ you moaned, your head thrown back against the pillow underneath you. Pulling the warm velvet out of your sticky cavern, I slipped in two fingers, moving in and out of you as I watch you in pure euphoria. Just like that, your legs closed and shook, screaming for the second time tonight. Taking out the fingers, I slowly made my way up to your fucked out body, only to see your lips red from the biting, as well as your teary eyes from your orgasms. I pushed the fingers through your lips, and like the good girl you are, you immediately sucked in my fingers, leaving me to imagine all the things you can do with that sweet little mouth of yours.

‘Fuck me please, god I need you in me’ you say breathing heavily, as if trying to understand how you were coping with two orgasms in one go. You said you needed me. Kissing you one more time, I finally unzipped my pants, releasing the solid member that sprung against my lower abdomen. As I removed my sweater, your eyes were staring at the red tip whereas your licked your bottom lip.

‘I’m going to enter alright,’ I whispered beside your ear, peppering feather-like kisses on your face. You froze a bit in place, though I was not exactly sure why. You did not seem to say anything, but it may be because you are finally being with the man who truly deserves you. Placing myself on your dripping hole, I looked at you one last time before anything else goes wrong, or if I miscalculated everything.

‘Just put it in Yuta, I’m on birth control, no need to worry’ you impatiently said, waiting to be filled and feel immense pleasure. Taking in your words, I slowly pushed myself in you, trying my best not to hurt you or bring you to any sort of pain. But my god, were you tight. Your velvet-like walls enclosed around my hard cock, almost impossible for me to go further in. You gasped loudly, pulling yourself closer to me as you held your hands behind my neck, feeling every once of me. ‘Oh my fucking god, I’m so full.’

I pushed myself further with one of my hands on your lower abdomen to keep you stable. ‘Shit you’re so tight, stop me if I go to harsh on—‘

‘Just fuck me Yuta, I don’t want to go gentle, please just do it.’ What?

*Disclaimer: smut scene has ended.

‘Y/n how else will I make love to you if you want to go rough on our first time?’ I asked, trying my best not to lose my temper. Why on earth do you want to go rough? Isn’t that why the reason you rejected all of those guys so that you can finally be with the one that truly deserves you, and can protect you from anything? Your eyes only grew wide at what I said, slowly pushing yourself off me.

‘Make love? Yuta, we’ve only started talking for like two months, what do you mean make love?’ You asked, successfully pushing yourself off of me, slowly pulling the blanket to cover yourself. Why are you acting like this?

‘You kissed me on your newly made bed, what else was I suppose to thi—‘

‘I was only asking for a quick fuck, not a whole love-making session Yuta. I think you should go home and rethink what you just said, I don’t think you’re in your right mind right now.’ How can you say that? I have loved you since you entered the class with, asking thought provoking questions to the professor. I have loved you since you were at the lab, working on your experiment until eight in the evening. I have loved you since you helped that customer in your shop many months ago, trying your best to communicate with the old woman in her mother tongue. You were always so patient, hard-working, and submissive— how can I not love you?

‘No! I do mean it, I do love you. How can I not? You always work so hard and made sure that you and your brother, and your academics were both in good condition. You are my dream, how can I not love you?’

‘Yuta, you’re saying the most insane shit. Please leave. What happens between me and my brother and my studies only should be limited to me, and not you’ you answered, not believing any word I said.

‘I am being normal, you’re just too busy and stubborn to believe anything I am saying! I have taken so much good care of you. I helped you get a job, I paid for all the meals and snacks we had together, I helped make your fucking bed, and you repay me by being your fuck buddy?’ You were infuriating. You were not like this when I watched you on a daily basis.

‘Well I’m sorry if you thought that I was trying to make you as my boyfriend or something, but I do not have time for that Yuta. I am truly sorry if that is what you thought, and if you do not want to see me anymore, I completely understand that—‘

‘No! You rejected Kim Yugyeom, Park Jimin, Kim Jungwoo, Bang Chan, Yoo Jeongyeon, and you do not let anyone else to love you. Is it because you’re too busy taking care of your drug addict of a brother?’ Your eyes grew wider than it already was, your mouth left agape unsure of how to react. Shit.

‘H-how do you know all of t-these things?’ Your voice was shaking, the fear on your face clearly visibly.

‘That’s not m-my point. What I am trying to say is—‘

‘Yuta, have you been stalking me?’ Yes, I have.

‘What? No, I wasn’t. You’re dodging my question again.’ Shit, Yuta. Think, think, think.

‘Then how do you know about my brother?’ You asked, fear and shock still evident on that beautiful face of yours. I made my way to her, gently cupping your face in my hand.

‘I h-heard about it from s-somewhere—‘

‘Get your hands off me! Tell me how you know all about this!’ You shouted, ripping my hands off of you. Without thinking, my hand came in contact with your skin. Loudly.

I slapped you.

A bright red mark was left on your face, eyes filled with tears, unsure if it was from the pain, or from our argument.

‘Shit, no, I didn’t mean that. Fuck, okay, y/n, let’s talk about this like adults’ I said, trying my best to diverge her thoughts away from what just happened. But I know that it will not work, you are one of the smartest people to exist, and you do not let yourself down easily like that.

‘Get the fuck out Yuta. You’re insane.’ Why are you not listening to me? I grabbed your body, leaving you to scream for help, pleading to be freed away from me— but I am not letting that happen. You are mine. I tightly wrapped my hand against your throat to make you shut up, making sure that you listen and concentrate on every word that I will say to you. You need to be disciplined love, especially if we will be together.

‘I need to know why you’re acting like this otherwise we will not be a happy couple. You are my everything, and I should be yours. I made you enter a world of euphoria with my mouth alone just a few moments ago, and you rejecting my love and pushing me away will not work. I have loved you the moment my eyes laid on you, and I need you to love me back’ I explained, watching your face slowly lose colour as your screams died down, but I do not care. You need to listen to my every word and acknowledge it. ‘You will be my partner for the rest of your life, and so will I. We will have two beautiful daughters, and you will also be able to help Lucas medically without letting your father know. But before we can do any of that, you need to be disciplined and I am here for that. Do you understand me?’

No response.

‘I said do you understand me.’

Still no response.

Your face was pale, eyes were closed, body cold. You were lifeless. Y/n,  we were supposed to be together forever. We were supposed to have children, have you become a pharmacist, we were supposed to be in love together. Holding your lifeless body in my arms, I rocked your bare body back and forth— you’re not dead my love, you’re just resting. Yes, you’re resting.

‘Y-you’re not dead. I was just teaching you a lesson, but you seemed to become tired. It’s okay, we’ll do it another time. I love you so so much, I will never hurt you my love. Never.’ A dark laugh left my throat as tears rolled down my face. I finally had you in my arms, finally.

a/n: WEEEEEE i wrote that???? okay umm while i’ll be too busy screaming at myself for writing THAT scene, i hope everyone enjoyed it despite the fact that mcfucking yuta was a creep, but yeAhhhH. i am honestly quite paranoid after finishing ‘you’ cause i keep thinking that someone is in the house, but not really, but yeah... the show was good though. let me know if you also watched it cause i would really like to talk about it with you. and also, HAPPY NEW YEAR! i hope ya’ll had a fun time celebrating it. 

明けましておめでとうございます！今年もよろしくお願いします。今まで英語だけで話を作ったので、今年日本語でやってみたいと思います。

祝你新年快乐！万事如意也心想事成❤️

#nct #nct 127 #yuta #nakamoto yuta #yuta x reader #yuta x you #nct u #nct dream #wayv #smut #thriller #angst #yandere #stalker au #yandere yuta #yuta smut #you #joe goldberg #na jaemin #jaemin #dong sicheng #winwin #lucas #wong yukhei #kim jungwoo #jungwoo #kim yugyeom #yugyeom #park jimin #jimin

[typinggently]

I feel like feral!bruce would like to wear body glitter. Just a slutty outfit that reveals as much of his body as he can without showing off his scars and absolutely covered in body glitter that reflects the lights of the chandelier at a fancy gala (he's not following the dress code, but who cares when hes hot and rich?) OR the neon lights at a shady club in the dangerous part of Gotham. Thoughts.

Anon…your mind… y.y I love this so much…the concept of Feral Bruce in a glittery outfit is truly incredible and I love it so much

I also spent a hoot minute sorting through my thoughts and I found something that’s similar to glitter, but gives more protection for his scars (while still showing skin and being sexy AND being glitter)? And it’s those glittery diamond chain shirts?

You know, like this piece by Ludovic de Saint Sernin (you KNOW I love that specific collection, I used it before for Feral Bruce Fashion simply because I adore the combination of glitter, black and revealing outfits…unparalleled)  -

Put him in proper black suit and voilà!!! Maybe velvet? To really give it that overkill feeling? Or keep it classy with a matte, nicely cut suit to balance out that top? Also by suit I mean trousers and the jacket. Leave the jacket open and you have that gorgeous piece just glittering underneath, showing plenty of skin while not showing too much, you know? He doesn’t have to worry about the scars because they’re sufficiently hidden underneath the glitter AND the pink of his nipples still shines through. That’s fashion. That’s a Gala Outfit right there.

And actually???? Maybe? He goes the extra mile and wears this dress version??? Now of course he still wears trousers, he wouldn’t want to cause a scene. Never. Not him. But it’s more glitter and shows more skin so…

Also I refuse to believe that he wouldn’t be wearing diamond clip earrings. Maybe he wouldn’t pierce his ears because, like tattoos, they could somehow give him away, but clips are a-ok.

And see – he’s wearing a suit. It’s a suit event. He’s following the dress code. And as you said – he’s hot and rich, who’s going to stop him?

But now – he’s at the Gala, dressed to the nines, what does he do? I say he goes to the DJ who’s playing tasteful 60s cocktail music to appeal to the crowd and goes “Hello can you play something a little more fun, s’il vous plait?” – and what’s the DJ going to do? “No, Brucie Wayne, I can’t do that”??? As IF

The point is that Bruce dances. Possibly on the tables. And since he’s the Prince of Gotham, the sugar babies join in at some point and that’s the headline right there – Brucie surrounded by a group of scantily clad women and men who all came on the arm of some rich, corrupt, married raisin

I honestly can’t decide what kind of songs Bruce would chose for Brucie? I feel like he, as himself, would probably rock that exact outfit in that exact context – the stiff-formal crowd, the marble floors, the glittering chandeliers, the champagne – and go absolutely HAM to Prrokofiev’s Dance of the Knights (or maybe Grieg’s In the Hall of the Mountain King). And I don’t mean in a classic Ballet way. Just – absolute feral energy. I feel like watching Bruce - the real Bruce - dancing is like watching a thunderstorm. There’s so much energy there, so much passion, he’s absolutely lost to the world, his body a livewire. A sense of elegance, mixed with a wild strength, flexibility and a foaming, wild mind.

But yes. This isn’t real Bruce, this is Brucie. So I say – honestly, he probably goes up there and goes “Anything from Blackout, oui?” (Brucie sometimes puts on a REALLY fake and bad French accent)

Next thing you know, the marble halls and floor-to-ceiling windows are vibrating with Piece of Me.

(Bruce with his hair falling into his eyes, chest covered in strings of diamonds and sticky with champagne he used to cool off between songs, flushed cheeks, dancing with a selection of three sugar babies at a time on a buffet table that’s creaking dangerously)

-

Dangerous parts of Gotham? We know Bruce has the Matches Alias when he wants to snoop around the seedy parts but like – Wouldn’t it be fun if he just waltzed in as Brucie now and then? It’s not unbelievable, Brucie is the Hot Airhead type, he could decide to go off the beaten tracks for some “real fun”.

And Alright. Alright I have to say it. Colin Farrell as Penguin right. What’s up with that. I know I established the Penguin as some sort of uh? Fastfood fiend? But honestly, he did that drug and chain restaurant spiel in ’03 or so. He can move on and have some Ice Cold Nightclubs. And maybe Bruce wants to investigate but Matches is too sleazy, so Bruce is all “The only possible solution is to dress up in glittery outfits and go check the scene myself”

Since the Club Penguin (I’m? Come on, that’s gotta be the name) it Ice-themed, glitter is the PERFECT outfit. He arrives with glitter in his hair, glitter on his chest, maybe wearing some leather trousers this time, acting high as a kite and carrying one (1) credit card as well as one (1) bottle of Perfume. Upon arriving at the door, he sprays it liberally on his chest, throat, the general area around himself and drops it right on the floor before waltzing in, not even pausing for the bouncer. Hot and Rich. Who’s going to stop him?!

Once inside the club – icy blue walls, neon lights, fog, glittering floors – Bruce obviously has to dance and pretend to get real fucked up on whatever people are giving him. Sea of writhing, glittering bodies.

And see – Brucie could be in real danger here. This is not a friendly-fancy club, this is the Penguin’s lair. I think he escapes the attacks people make on him in hilarious slapstick ways. Someone fixes his drink and Brucie just pours out his 30$ g&t to marvel at how the neon lights glitter in the glass. Someone tries to steal his credit card but ends up with a glittery black card that says “Brucie XO” on it and nothing else. Bruce uses it like a regular card, as in he hands it over and people give him shit because he’s Brucie Wayne.

The Gotham Underground hates Brucie so fucking much. But in like, the “angrily jumping on your hat and then eating it” way. That’s how he’s still alive. (Bruce perfected the game)

(I would like to let you know that I’ve been listening to Slayyter’s Gimme More remix basically nonstop so I guess that’s what the club is playing. You cannot afford to ignore when I walk out of the store / Freaky little whore from the 314 always wanting more – no one said Penguin had proper taste in music. On second thought they probably play it just for Brucie. And I want to know who he’s dancing with in this cool-glittery club with the nice lighting while he’s wearing his cute little fit. >:( )

-

Honestly, I hope you enjoyed this at least a little. I feel like this was very stream of consciousness but it was so much fun to think about. Little episodes of Feral Bruce living his best life. I love him so much.

#Feral Bruce Hours #Feral Bruce Fashion #the quality of the pics is...not great on desktop I feel and I'm sorry #I spent a hot minute trying to decide how to cnsr the forbidden n/p...*le #anon #ask #also ?! me once again mixing up the colins im so sorry ah

[swan--writes]

Dewey x Fem Reader Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet(one of those songs that I rock out to and makes me feel sexy)

I think you’ll be able to tell I was having fun with this one 😉 Hope you like it!

Words: ~1,170

Dewey would never admit why he went to Guitar Center every Tuesday at noon.

Every Tuesday found Dewey Finn at the Guitar Center nearest Horace Green at exactly 12:00 PM. It was almost funny. He wasn’t sure he had ever been consistently on time for anything. Yet here he was, over three months and not a single 12:00 missed. Dewey always stood, peeking through the magazine racks, watching the front door.

Every Tuesday at 12:00 PM, you came to work at the Guitar Center nearest Horace Green.

So one, two, three, take my hand and come with me…

Every Tuesday at 12:00 PM, Dewey watched you arrive.

Because you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine.

On Tuesdays, you would pull up to the store on the back of a motorcycle. Some large, muscly asshole would be driving without a helmet. You always wore yours, though. Smart.

I say you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine.

You would swing your leg over once the bike was parked, take off the helmet, then – and this was Dewey’s favorite part – you would shake out your hair. The way your hair glistened in the cold winter sun was entrancing to him. He could spend all day just watching your hair swing over your shoulders and settle on your back.

Well I could see…

You would always say something. Maybe you were thanking the guy who gave you a ride, or telling him when he should pick you up, or saying something like, ‘Don’t bother me again, jackass.’

You home with me…

(That last one was probably wish fulfillment on Dewey’s part.)

But you were with another man, yeah!

You would walk into work confidently, with your black boots and your leather jacket. Your hips would swing from side to side and without fail, Dewey’s breath would go shallow.

I know we…

Every time, he would tell himself to look away.

Ain't got much to say…

Every time, a tiny voice in the back of his head would ask ‘why?’

Before I let you get away, yeah!

It wasn’t like Dewey was hurting anyone by watching you come to work every single week, at the same time, in a place he had no reason to be.

I said, are you gonna be my girl?

Yikes.

For more than three months, each and every Tuesday was the same. That was all Dewey needed. There was a part of him – a twisted little part – that truly didn’t want to see you any other way. Whenever he thought he glimpsed you on the street or at the grocery store, Dewey would immediately avert his eyes. He didn’t even go to the Guitar Center at any other time, and he always left before he could talk to you.

This way, he could wonder about you. Dewey could wonder what your name was, how you took your coffee, whether you had any tattoos. He could wonder whether you were actually dating the bastard who dropped you off every week at work.

Oh, who was he kidding? That guy would have to be a complete dumbass to not be dating you. From a minimum distance of ten feet, you were the perfect woman. All of Dewey’s fantasies about you assured him of that.

Again: yikes.

But then, after fifteen Tuesdays, the unthinkable happened. Dewey’s B string snapped. On a Thursday. And Guitar City was the only store that carried the strings he used. Normally, he could order them online, but he needed them for school the next day.

So, on Thursday at 5:00 PM, Dewey tucked his face into his scarf and rushed through the cold streets to Guitar Center. The first thing he did when he walked through the door was look at the cash registers. No sign of you. He hated the relief he felt, but he knew it was for the best. He was sort of a creep.

It was only typical, then, that when he turned to his right, he came face to face with you. Dewey gulped.

The tight black tee shirt and black pants you wore were standard for a Guitar Center employee, he knew. There was something about you wearing them, though, that sent his heart hammering and his hands shaking. You weren’t the self-effacing kind of sexy that Dewey was usually into – the kind that doesn’t see its own sexiness. Oh no. Your proximity, your grin, the tilt of your head stated very clearly that you knew exactly how sexy you were. And you knew he saw it too. He was screwed.

I could see…

“Can I help you find something?” you asked.

You home with me…

“Uh…” Dewey swallowed again. “…my B string snapped.”

But you were with another man, yeah!

You raised your eyebrows, then started to turn away. You crooked your finger at him, gesturing that he should follow you. He couldn’t have resisted if he had tried.

I know we…

You stopped in front of a wall of string packets and shot him a scrutinizing sideways glance. When you looked back towards the wall, he noticed you were subtly swaying in time with the music that was playing through the store.

Ain't got much to say…

Dewey watched in awe as you snatched a packet of the exact type of strings he used and handed them to him.

Before I let you get away, yeah!

“Thanks.”

You nodded to the registers. “C’mon, I’ll check you out.” Not if he checked you out first.

Dewey followed you to the register, let you ring up his purchase, and forgot to tell you that he didn’t need a bag. He was too busy staring at the book beside your register. Before he could get a good look at the cover, however, he heard your voice again.

“You come in here a lot, don’t you?”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” He forced a chuckle, knowing he sounded nervous. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Pretty sure my boss thinks you’re a cop.”

Dewey snorted. “Oh yeah, the worst stereotype of a cop.” You laughed. Had he accidentally said something funny? Was there a version of this exchange where he didn’t come away feeling even dirtier than usual?

“Well, don’t listen to anything my coworkers say about me, officer. I’m clean, I swear.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, I’m sure you are.” Sure…

Something about the way he said it seemed to arrest you. He couldn’t tell if the look you gave him was appraising, or if he just hoped it was. “Promise,” you said Then you handed him his bag, and you each told the other to have a nice night, and he left. Why did he just leave? Was that how it was supposed to go?

Be my girl!

Fuck, he didn’t even know how much he’d spent. He fished his receipt out from the bag and froze under a street lamp.

Be my girl!

There, in sharpie, was that a…phone number?

Are you gonna be my girl?

.

.

Buy Me a Coffee, if you’d like

#school of rock broadway #school of rock bway #school of rock musical #school of rock #school of rock fanfiction #dewey finn #dewey finn x reader #dewey finn x female reader #female reader #dewey finn x self insert #fanfiction #fanfic #fluff? #i guess #idk it's a fun one #songfic #song fic #are you gonna be my girl #jet #jet band #request #february

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Favored Ones, Part 6. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who’s deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it’s crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there’s way more to the relationship that one would’ve guessed.

A/N: Inspired by a song named Breezeblocks, sang by alt-J (∆).

Warning: IT'S ABOUT TO GET SMUTTY IN HERE BITCHES. Also, long as fuck, because I had too much fun.

Word count: 4.4 K

Tagging: @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme @nemodoren @jodiereedus22​

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

The night prior events of the hunt, 2038:

There were no groundbreaking kisses when he told you his yes. There was no locking glances or hands while you walked to his small hut through the snowy night. There was also a complete silence. Only smiles could be seen on your faces. You two were behaving like little children.

Joel didn't lend you his shirt, not even because he didn't want to or that he thought that he'll be too cold without. It was too dangerous for you to walk in his clothes from an evening to an evening.

And he was right. Because you met Jesse and since he and Dina parted, he was a pain in everyone's ass. He was obsessed with details - you didn't think why he's outside when he was in the hall just ten minutes before.

"Where you're two going? I thought that you're at the dance party?" - He asked and he was completely clueless about it. Joel could think of some reason, but you were way quicker.

"Oh, Joel decided to let me go hunt on my own, so we want to discuss the area where I should go." - You smiled at Jesse without a sign of nervousness in your face or voice. Just like it was a sure thing.

"Yeah. I have some maps that I could lend her so she doesn't get lost." - Joel supported you and you smiled wickedly. Such a naughty boy he was, that Joel.

"Alright. I thought you two aren't talking at the moment?" - Jesse's face furrowed with a contusion. Oh hell, you actually lost your arguments. - "You called it off just like that? I would believe this to anybody but you two. " - Jesse said again. This time, Joel was quicker than you.

"It was my fault. I was too aggressive on one of our hunting sessions and I just needed to talk with her and apologize. It was my fault." - He said calmly. Jesse just nodded and continued walking further away from you. You smiled at Joel, shook a bit and your eyes were shining.

"Can w-we go now?" - You hugged yourself and Joel started to talk forward again. He was leading you through the completely empty city brightened only by some lights on terraces and the white night. It had a beautiful Christmas atmosphere, which was creeping in from behind the corner to you.

You loved Christmas. It wasn't about the gifts as it used to be - now it was only people coming together, drinking some ale and cooking together. It had that beautiful, family atmosphere when everybody forgot about the infected or the bandits and just came together.

People always found their way to give someone something small, like on birthdays. Sometimes you prepared a meal as a gift for the others or got some special fruit or whatsoever, sometimes there were absolutely no gifts and sometimes, when you were lucky, someone found you a piece of clothing in the city, like shirts or pants.

And if Joel wanted to give you that night for Christmas, you were more than accepting all of it.

His small hut was cold on the inside and it was a bit messy since Joel wasn't exactly the cleaning type, but it didn't matter to you. He immediately closed the door and started a fire in his small stove standing in the corner, while you sat on the bed and watched his moves.

"Would you let me go on a hunt tomorrow?" - You asked silently when he finally stood up. He looked at you with complete silence and then went to sit next to you. Joel's body was a bit too far away from yours and not even his hand touched you. - "All alone. Like a big girl."

It was your turn to stand up and cover the windows. If anybody could see what was going on, even if you would only sit on his bed until the morning would come, it would look weird to many people.

Then you turned back to face him and smiled. Snowflakes were slowly sinking into your black shirt and your cheeks reddened as the room got warmer and warmer.

"Are you sure you would handle the hunt on your own?" - Joel half laid on his bed, he was holding his upper body up on his elbows and he watched your moves. You nodded with an innocent smile.

"If you show me those maps, I won't get lost." - You slowly walked to the bed and took the hiking shoes off your feet as your knees slowly circled around his upper thighs as your ass slowly sat down at a spot where his knees started.

You needed to say that Joel had some fine, firm muscles on his legs. Somehow you found it sexy at his age that he takes care of his physique. Other old men were not as attractive; they were weirdly furry, fatter or just... Not attractive.

You sat there in complete silence for a few moments, only the cracking of the burning wood was reminding you that Joel wasn't a painting. And that you can actually try to touch him.

And so you did.

You weren't looking at his face because it felt weird to rise your eyes to look him in the eyes. It felt like you were watched. A smile crept on your lips as your fingers slowly dipped into the crook of his neck covered in the rough material of the shirt he was wearing.

With a slow, smooth motion you went lower and lower, feeling his heartbeat under the tips of your fingers and tensing of his muscles. You felt as you found something under his belly button; it was some raw, bulky skin. That was the first time you actually looked at him.

"Can I take a look?" - You whispered and Joel didn't answer at first, but then he sat up and started to unbutton his shirt. It wasn't any delicate, slow and gentle moves, they were fast and rough as he tried to take everything down as fast as he could. You tried not to drool when Joel took even his black t-shirt off.

He was not that typical athletic hunk girls your age were into when the world wasn't crazy. But even though he was well built. His body wasn't soggy at all, his skin was maybe rough, but it had a nice tone. And it was made a bit softer by his hair. You liked to touch him.

But the wound which he was hiding was truly hideous. It was a scar that was still bulky and rough, it had a bright pink color. It looked like it was poorly sewed when it happened, but it was still enough to keep Joel alive.

"I might wanna talk about this, old guy." - You smiled and kissed the tip of your index finger and gently pressed it back into the biggest scar.

"I don't know if I want to talk about it, youngblood." - Joel was looking at the same place you were looking at, smiling sadly.

"I bet I will make you." - You giggled. You were still a bit tipsy from the whiskey and bourbon you've drunk, but it was nothing serious.

Joel was slowly sitting up and you felt that THE MOMENT you dreamt of was finally coming to life. But in this area, you weren't exactly the most skilled.

Yeah. You've kissed a boy before, Philip and one jerk named David to be exact, but it never sparked a spark before. You had your fun with another guy who disappeared three years ago. It was a one night stand, as you were told, and it hurt you, it wasn't pleasant and you didn't enjoy it at all.

But your hormones kept on telling you, that your body begs to have at least one night stand with Joel. His specific smell made you wet and crazy on the spot. But you were scared that it will be hurting as much as the first time.

But even if you were scared out of your mind, your palms slowly circled around his shoulder as he was sitting up. You prepared for the moment with long and slow exhaling and you felt as your muscles tensed for a second. Your lips were dry and you were winking at a fast pace. But Joel was completely calm down like you weren't about to get the most important kiss of your whole life.

In fact, he wasn't even touching you at all. You were roaming his body with your fingers, touching every centimeter of his skin you probably could. When you knew that the time is right, you just somehow did, your palms slowly circled behind the back of his next. Your noses touched and that, of course, was the sign for your lips to lean in.

You messed up the first kiss terribly, let me be completely clear. You almost gulped half of his head. Joel chuckled and stopped you for a minute, he put his finger on your parted lips. Holy shit. You fucked up.

"Have you done that before?" - Joel furrowed at you, but he was still laughing a bit. You felt ashamed and yet he wasn't poking fun at you. So you decided that everything had to be cool about that.

"A few times with boys who were just as inexperienced as I was. Is it that terrible?" - You took his finger out of your lips. - "They told me that it comes by nature, but I am bad at this, I guess."

But Joel sat back up and brought his lips to yours. It felt like your and his lips were only touching until he had done some magic and moved them an itsy bitsy bit, which made your lips oversensitive and reactive to his kiss. That was indeed some spell because you started to take over the pace of the make out. You tried to be dominant and somehow... A content sound came out of your neck.

It made you stop and look at him. He was grinning at you like he knew what's up with you. You furrowed and before you could ask, his face was in the crook of your neck and your breath was gone in an instance. You opened up your mouth, closed your eyes and made another one of those sounds as you tried to keep yourself at the moment.

Your fingers entwined in his brown hair mixed with some gray and somehow, your neck pressed into his lips as your chest rose and fell heavily. You were fucked when he started to unbutton your black shirt. Somehow, you helped him get it off. You sat there only in your bra and the band of your jeans held too low. And his hands were traveling THAT way.

It was tickling a bit too much, but even if your body was uncomfortably tensing and relaxing, Joel somehow held you in one place. His hands were all around your waist and they were rough and warm, as he slowly crawled lower and lower.

"I think that I'm going to explode at any minute." - You moaned out. The sounds were somehow animalistic and your body was making them on its own.

That man's lips were slowly traveling down your body, leaving sloppy kisses everywhere he could. And you just traveled with your hands on his body, feeling the flesh in which you could actually scratch your nails in.

But then Joel got onto the upper hand and threw you onto the bed. You could hear as his boots fell down with a heavy sound and the bed's screeching as he climbed after you. Joel climbed between your legs and hovered above you for a short moment before his face disappeared between your boobs. Holy fuck. Joel was almost unable to hold your body down.

"Will you be kind and take this little thing off?" - He smiled and you almost didn't even notice that his lips aren't on your skin for more than ten seconds. His fingers were tugging your bra, the nicest one you had, so you needed to concentrate on that small task.

That old man would've loved to do it for himself, but your back was pressed into the mattress. So you helped him with taking that piece of clothing off your body.

"Well look at that." - Joel chuckled and traveled from your boobs up to your throat and almost breathless look. You had no idea about what the man is about to do.

Why? First of all, your body was on a horniness shut down. It was completely out of use.

Second of all, you were so inexperienced it hurt. You didn't know anything about your nipples except that they are hard when it's cold outside. Or that they can apparently get somehow hard when you're horny and in need.

How could you have a single idea that they can be sucked on or rolled on someone's tongue? Or that the sensitivity they were about to produce when they bite them; not roughly, just a bit. At that minute you screamed in nothing but pleasure.

It was such an amazing feeling that your body felt immediately responsive. And really everything that was happening was that you had an old man sucking on your boobs. His tongue was slow and going in circles. This man's mouth was magical.

And baby, he had more in stock for you.

Your mouth made another of those sounds, this one was sad, as he left your nipples be. You looked at them, they were swollen and brightly pink, hard as a rock. But Joel only gave you a smile and sloppily kissed the small place above your belly. You wanted to talk, but it was hard to make your tongue swirl in the motions you needed to speak.

But Joel didn't care about that at all. He could only chuckle about your tries to keep it together when you barely knew what he can do next - it was like a surprise. Every move he made was like a surprise. And let's be honest, it was making him hard as well. You were a wild one.

At that time, Joel had the feeling that he can do anything to you - to show you the secrets of making love and rough fucking. When he thought about it, he missed fucking.

It started even before the cordyceps apocalypse. Since he was alone with Sarah, it was hard for him to move on and to find a new woman to add to his life as his partner. After the shit went down, it was practically impossible to find someone who would let him fuck them and mingle with them emotionally at the same time.

It was hard for most of the times, to trust someone emotionally. So it was only fucking. At even if it kept Joel's body relaxed and contained, his soul was crushed. But with that, Joel learned to live. He was just alone for the last... Twenty-five and more years.

But right on the mattress, he might've found it all again. That was what you had on your mind, right? Something like that. Mingling and fucking.

So he was eager to show you everything he could, so he slowly led his lips down to your belly. He dragged his head along the curves of your body, slowly climbing lower and lower. The old bed was shrieking under both of you as you moved on it.

"Take these off. Come on. Move it." - Joel looked at you with a low chuckle. You nodded and started to unbuckle your belt. Slowly, you started to wiggle out of your jeans and it was teamwork because he was getting them off of your body. You were nervous as hell.

Not that you were not confident about the lower half of your body or that you had a huge bush directly between your legs, but it was just making you nervous. And the puddle between your legs made Joel chuckle and look away for a second. Oh great, you weren't joking at all as far as he could tell, he really did something to you. And he needed to test out all of it.

"Should I take even your pants off?" - You sat up and your legs spread even wilder. Your hand slowly caressed your own hair, you were looking at him with a lustful look.

"Oh, no, I think I'm good just as I am, youngblood. But you need to take off more clothes, don't you?" - Joel asked quietly, his voice was calm and humming. How could he always be so calm? He was cool about everything. But you did as you were told - you started to take off the last piece of your clothing.

"Well, come here." - Joel was leading the pace of it and you were into it as hell. He had such a calm voice and playful eyes that you were a complete foul for that.

His lips dipped into the crook of your neck again, kissing it slowly. His beard was tickling you, so you were naturally giggling as he proceeded lower to play some magic with your nipples again.

He was taking a lot of time with you - you kinda were thinking that Joel is more of an in and out guy and that you'll be over in proximately twenty minutes. But it was twenty minutes already and you didn't do a single thing together. Except for some kissing and nipple... Something.

But you finally were naked. At least something, thank God.

As you watched him positioning between your legs with your breath hitched, you leaned down and took his face to your palm.

"What are you doing?" - You furrowed and smoothed his face from the other side. It was a funny sight - his face just hovering above your pussy held in your hand. - "I thought that's how lesbian sex works, doesn't it?"

"Oh, my dear lord." - Joel chuckled back and leaned in to kiss you. He took your breath away with doing magic with his smooth lips. You breathed out as his body leaned into your touch, your breasts crushed into his chest and your knees circled around his waist. It could be felt that he's more than ready, but then he pushed you onto the bed harshly and left you there. - "Stay low. If you sit up one more time, we will need something to keep you down, youngblood." - He was a dangerous man and it could be seen for an itsy bitsy moment like this. The only thing you could do was to nod as his body went back down onto its previous position.

So lesbian sex was the shit apparently. And in the next minute, you could feel why it was such a deal. As he tasted you with his tongue for the very first time, it was like the universe just expanded outside of the hut. It was so... Warm and soft as it danced on the most sensitive spot of your body.

Your body tensed for a second and you shook with pleasure for a moment. Okay. So that's why lesbians did eating out as a preferred way of sex, you could understand immediately. Slowly your hands circled around his head as you pushed in. It was your instincts leading you as you made louder and louder sounds. After a short while, it was like your body recognized his rhythm and started to move in the flow.

But if you thought that eating out was the best thing you've ever done, when Joel put his fingers in use, you were damned. When that guy just shoved himself two years ago, it hurt so much you started to cry. But this was something much different, as he made your brain too occupied by licking and sucking. You couldn't tell if it was pleasurable when he started to move fingers in and out, sometimes rolling with them a bit, but in the end, you could only tell that he knew what he was doing to you.

"Oh my fucking God, Joel, Joel, Joel..." - You breathed out in a fast pace and moaned out again. You were horny like crazy and you took a deep breath when a warmth started to concentrate just above your pelvis. It was concentrating on your whole body, you were shivering because of how pleasurable it was. Joel was showing you a new world.

The next moment, you only you that you were practically screaming, holding his head with your thighs and that you moaned out his name while scratching his shoulders down.

After that, you just laid there with your eyes closed. Your head was dizzy and the world around you was spinning. Your pressure was too high just as your heartbeat rate.

"What the fuck was that?" - You asked when he Joel laid next to you. He was chuckling at you as he smoothed your lower belly.

"It was your first time?" - He laid next to you. There was more to do, but you needed to lay down for a minute.

"Having lesbian sex? Yeah, DEFINITELY." - You turned to him and snuggled his side, your lips itching to kiss him slowly. So you leaned down and did it.

"No. Having an orgasm, I mean. You were pretty wild." - His arm circled around your shoulder as he brought you closer to him. Your hand traveled down to the belt of his jeans which were still on his body.

"Nobody had ever done it to me, only I did. So this was a premiere. And you were fucking great. I think that I'm okay with something more." - You kissed him again and moaned into his lips. There was still something more to do, and so your palm went on an explanation with unbuckling his belt.

You didn't exactly know how big should a penis be, so you couldn't say if he is an average one, too small or too big. You just didn't have a clue. But you had that irrational fear that you can't take all of it. Every single girl had this fear at least one time before they were about to have sex.

Your brain told you that you should start to play with him. That was called jerking off as far as you were informed.

"Okay." - He hummed and caught your hand to stop you. - "You're good... If I consider that you've never done anything like foreplay. But we'll need you to learn some things." - With that, he took the upper hand again and began to undress. He took the place between your legs again, positioning himself as his hips ground into yours. You had no idea why it didn't hurt as much as with that other guy.

But this was... Nice. This was nice. Pleasurable. You smiled at him and opened your mouth as your breath rose up. This act was everything as that man found its tempo, as he started to moaned into your neck and kissed a few spots there. You loved to have sex like that.

Maybe it was the foreplay as he called it. Maybe it was all the time he took with the preparation which made your heart bump so loud. But soon as you had the chance, your body started to grind into his moves. Joel's thrusts were quick and rough, almost violent. And the pace was getting quicker.

Not even five minutes after that, let me say, you were like two animals. You even tried to kiss each other sloppily, but it was impossible when you moved the whole bed around the small hut. Maybe you were even moving the hut around, you wouldn't be surprised. The only thing you were capable of was locking your hands together and entwining fingers so your bodies were always close to each other.

Faster and faster pace made you all warm again as the tempo got even rougher. The orgasm this time was even more violent than it was the first time as it didn't come in place. It was just one thing at a time and it escalated. After one minute, you were a crumbling and moaning mess as your body shook violently against his.

You held his head in your hands, scratched his neck and his back, seriously screaming at the top of your lungs. Joel came just a second after that, but you almost didn't notice.

Don't be silly, it was making him proud of himself in a way; making a beautiful, young chick scream. You pulled him even closer when everything was over, nuzzling him into you. Your smile was happy and contained, your body was tired but relaxed.

"We need to be up by the sunrise. Will we make it?" - You giggled, hugging him with your legs and smoothing his hair. He was still inside you, but his arms hugged you as he wasn't planning on leaving from the inside of you any time soon.

"I hope so." - His nose nuzzled the crook of your neck again as he left there smooth and warm kisses.

"I think that I'll take a shower and then we can discuss the hunting area, huh?" - You kissed the temple of his head slowly and smiled.

"Good idea, youngblood." - He hummed as he climbed down slowly.

The shower was one of the warmest and best you had ever had in your life. You maybe were a bit too tired, tipsy and happy, but who would wonder after such a beautiful night? You used his shower gel and shampoo before leaving the shower, making your hair at least a bit appealing and taking one of Joel's shirts.

He was already clothed and sitting at a table made a few snacks from cheese and grapes. He gave you an apologetic look. - "This is the only food I found. Shall we?"

And so you discussed over the maps, laughing and talking about nonsense a lot too. You left when the sky was getting brighter, so you could both catch up at least an hour of sleep.

It hurt to see you leaving, having you only on his mind as he replayed your last kiss of the night. But you were smiling at him; still having his shirt on your body.

And that's how it all had started.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller the last of us #joel #joel tlou #joel miller imagine #tlou #the last of us #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie and joel tlou #ellie the last of us #the last od us part 2

[brieflygorgeouss]

17 and 95

17. nothing is wrong with you & 95. i’m a mess (part two of this fic aka The Angst Fest™)

Here is another mistake Lucas makes — he goes on a date with the Glasses Guy.

Or maybe it’s not quite a mistake. Just a change. It happens easily enough, quickly enough for him not to dwell on it. It’s a nice change of pace. Lucas tells himself that that’s what he needs — someone new to spend time with, someone new to like, someone different, someone else, anyone else. And if his heart’s not in it, maybe things will change with time. He needs a while, is all. It’s okay.

Lucas is not miserable, or anything. Not exactly. He’s just been better.

The Glasses Guy’s name is actually Marc. The next time their paths cross at the library, Lucas says, ”This seat is not taken” when he sees him looking hopefully in his direction, and the smile he sends him this time is amiable where it used to be artificial. So Marc comes over and they chat for an hour, surprisingly easy, and Lucas leaves the library that day with a new number typed into his contacts and a possibility of something new coursing through his veins.

Marc is an astrophysics student and wears neon shirts that remind Lucas of highlighters, blue and green and orange, and he’s a little stiff and a little awkward, but Lucas writes that off as an initial shyness rather than anything else. Marc talks about his job at the science museum with an eerie sort of pride and his voice has a lilt to it that makes everything he says sound a little like a sing-song tune and he keeps complementing Lucas’s eyes and it’s…nice, Lucas guesses. It’s nothing like when Eliott does it — the prettiest blue I’ve ever seen, like Monet’s ”Water Lilies”, you know, he’d said once, and Lucas blushed furiously back then even though he’d never even seen the painting — but Marc is, Lucas quickly realises, apart from his warm smile and messy hair, nothing like Eliott at all.

Maybe that’s the point.

Lucas is honest with him from the start and tries to give him a chance. ”I’m just trying to get over someone,” he says at the end of their first date, does his best to keep the bitter feeling away from the words, because that’s only for him to deal with. ”Sorry. This whole thing might be a little slow.”

He doesn’t really expect it when the answer he gets is a crooked smile and a lazy-paced, ”Slow is alright.”

Because, see — Marc is nothing like Eliott, but maybe that’s not a bad thing. He is understanding and patient and kind, and Lucas thinks, at the end of their second, then their third date, that maybe he could learn to like him. Love him, one day. Maybe he could pluck the feelings for Eliott from his chest and plant them elsewhere, grow them into something different but still similar, something he wouldn’t have to hide. It would be nice, to not think about the sunlight in Eliott’s eyes and the warmth of Eliott’s smile and how he’d said, I wouldn’t be good for you, instead of I don’t love you like he should have.

And even when they kiss at the end of date three and there are no fireworks, no rush down his spine and no thrill, Lucas thinks, keeping his eyes closed, that it’s okay. He can work with that.

*

They are in a coffee shop on their fourth date, holding hands over the table and talking about how the barista messed up Marc’s order when Lucas hears from behind, ”Oh. Hi.”

And there it is. It’s a little ridiculous, really, how something in his chest curls into itself as he turns, but ridiculous seems to be one of his main traits, these days. Lucas knows this voice. Knows this person, and knows how the last time they’ve seen each other, he spit everything he felt out onto a dark street corner and then hauled up and left. It’s like watching a car crash, the rush-like feeling suddenly there in his mind, except he is in the car, too, and can’t stop it.

He thinks, with no real reason behind it, fast forward to now, fast forward, fast forward.

It’s Eliott, because of course it is. He looks exactly like he always does, tall and relaxed and in another one of his weirdly patterned shirt, white and grey mixing. His hair is in his eyes. There is nothing about him, really, that should make Lucas’s throat close or his head spin, but it all happens anyway, in smooth sequence, one, two, three. Rinse and repeat.

They haven’t talked at all, ever since Lucas left him standing on the sidewalk that night. There were no calls, no texts, no unexpected visits. Lucas was grateful for that, for a while, because isn’t that what he asked for, from Eliott — space, and time, and a chance to reinvent himself, become someone with less to give so that he could come back and, in a weird twist of reality, give Eliott exactly what he wanted?

And if he’s missed Eliott all this time, so fucking much, then that’s on him. If he thought about the art Eliott had shown him, the feeling of his hand in his own, about alternate universes and better endings and about a different Lucas and a different Eliott, together, somewhere, then that’s on him only.

”Hi,” he says.

Eliott is looking at him. His eyes flit all over Lucas’s face like he can’t decide where to look at all, or like there’s too much to look at and too little time. Lucas watches as a hesitant smile blooms on Eliott’s face, corners of his mouth lifting just so, timid in a way Lucas isn’t used to seeing.

”How are you?” Eliott says, and the sound of his voice matches the smile, coy. Hopeful, maybe. Lucas can’t decide.

Something is starting to take roots in his chest again, right there behind his sternum. He knew it would happen the moment he saw Eliott again, but there he is anyway, stupidly surprised at the feeling, like a child that forgot about their own birthday with a gift being pushed into their hands, and just a little dazed at the sight of Eliott right here in front of him, and happy and worried and unsure all at once. It’s all there.

But he tries to swallow it down.

”I’m okay.” It comes out a little stiff, more than he intended, but once the words are out there, there’s not much he can do. He takes a breath. ”And you?”

For a second, Eliott looks like he’s expecting something more. He’d get it, too, if it was a different time and a different place. Lucas would start to complain about his lukewarm coffee, maybe, or say, come on, sit down, and launch into a story about something irrelevant, and Eliott would listen, amused, draw something on a napkin for him, or on his coffee cup, a silly little thing Lucas would spend the rest of the day thinking about, wondering if it meant something more than it really did.

But that’s—not them anymore. That’s not them yet. Lucas can’t afford to let the lines get blurred again. He thinks, despite himself, anew, I’m sorry.

”Yeah, I’m—” is what Eliott says after a moment of pause, ”Yeah, me too,” and then his eyes shift to somewhere beside Lucas. To Marc.

Oh.

Lucas blinks a few times. The world starts spinning again.

”Who’s your friend here?” Eliott asks and redirects his smile as it turns from timid into merely polite. Marc smiles back at him in the same manner and Lucas watches it happen with a weird notion in his gut, feeling like a character in one of those cliché romantic comedies Mika likes so much. And because he’s watching Eliott’s face, he catches the exact moment his eyes slide from Marc’s face down to his and Lucas’s hands still clasped together, to their intertwined fingers and the touch that’s still new but growing comfortable.

Something flickers in Eliott’s eyes. Lucas fights the sudden urge to move his hand away from Marc’s but only loosens his hold in the end.

”Marc,” Marc introduces himself before Lucas can. It’s friendly, but then Eliott is suddenly flitting his gaze from Marc to Lucas and then back and his smile gets a little weaker, grows a little stiff around the edges as if someone just pinned it in place to keep it there.

The thing is — Eliott is not stupid. It is a clear message. Lucas keeps looking at him and keeps thinking, this is me moving on, this is me doing what I promised I’d do. He doesn’t know, really, why Eliott’s relaxed posture suddenly turns into closed angles and tight shoulders, even if it’s subtle enough of a change for no-one else to notice, probably. Lucas sees anyway, like he sees everything about Eliott, all the time. It’s just what he does.

”Nice to meet you,” Marc provides after a few seconds of suddenly weird silence. Eliott’s gaze catches on his face and stays there. There’s something in it that Lucas isn’t sure about, like when clouds gather in the sky and you can’t tell if it’s going to rain or not, even when the world gets darker and darker.

But everything Eliott says is, ”Yeah. You too.”

”Marc, this is Eliott,” Lucas cuts in, and it makes Eliott look at him again. Lucas holds his gaze. ”He’s an old friend.”

He wants to backtrack, for a second. Wants to say, he’s more than that, because it’s the truth and that’s what Eliott seems to be pointing at with way he holds himself, unsure but wind up, with a strange tightness of his jaw and piercing gaze. Eliott is more than that, so, so much more, but he is also less, at the same time. It’s what Lucas gets, he guesses, after being so greedy before, after overshooting the mark, hoping to get something that was never his to take.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Marc shift a little awkwardly in his chair. The sudden tension that Eliott brought with him is, he guesses, impossible to miss. ”Cool,” Marc says, a feeble attempt at remaining casual. Lucas untangles their fingers, tells himself that it’s because his hand is getting stiff. ”How long have you known each other?”

”Oh,” Eliott says at that before Lucas can answer, and then his smile flickers like candlelight and turns into something else. Something wistful, for a nick of time, but then Lucas blinks and the thing’s gone from Eliott’s expression, whatever it was, as quick to vanish as it was to appear. ”We sure do have some history.”

It’s neither here nor there. Lucas’s chest tightens, minutely, and he just keeps looking and looking at Eliott’s expression, strange like a puzzle game that’s missing a piece, and Eliott keeps looking back.

Then, he says, ”I should go.”

Lucas feels his eyes on him as he moves his hand farther away from Marc’s, puts it in his lap. It’s not an admission, but it feels like it, in a way. ”Yeah,” he says, and that feels like a confession, too. He swallows. ”You probably should.”

So Eliott goes. Lucas looks at his back until he pushes the door of the coffee shop open and then closed, gets out of sight.

He only turns his eyes away when Marc says, suddenly, quieter than he usually is, ”So. Is he the one…you’re getting over?”

It’s not what Lucas expects to hear, but he doesn’t ask how he knew. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, maybe, with the way Lucas only had eyes for Eliott the second he noticed him, like a fucking idiot. Not hard to figure out when Eliott kept looking like that and smiling like that and being how he always is.

”Yeah,” he admits on a sigh. He’s been honest from the start, after all. For a change. ”I’m sorry, that— that was weird.”

Marc is quiet for a while, after that. His eyes are cast down. He’s curled his fingers into a loose fist, and Lucas thinks about taking his hand back in his own but doesn’t do it. He doesn’t think about a reason, even when Marc finally lifts his gaze and meets eyes with Lucas.

”I think…he might still be in love with you.”

And Lucas—stares.

It’s like a punch to the stomach, a little, and a lot like a very weird misunderstanding. He’s aware of the seconds passing by, and of the sounds of the coffee shop rush hour still there in the background, but he can’t—make a noise, suddenly. He feels like he has a punctured lung, with how difficult it is to take a breath.

”No, you—” he hears himself say eventually, ”you’ve got it wrong, he never—”

Marc shrugs.

”I’m just saying what I saw,” he mutters, and then turns his eyes away again.

*

Later at night, after Lucas turns the lights in his room off, after Mika shouts a ”goodnight” from his own bedroom for everyone else to hear, after the world gets darker and softer and a little less real, Lucas gets into bed and closes his eyes and doesn’t sleep for a long time.

He and Marc parted ways on a kind of awkward note, and Lucas’s phone has been silent ever since. It’s not like he’s expecting anything, really. Not after what happened, and not after what Marc told him, in a quiet voice and a little like a question Lucas would rather not answer just yet. But he stares at the phone anyway, a dark shape on his nightstand, right next to the lamp. If he tried hard enough, or waited a few minutes longer for his eyes to adjust, he could probably make out the sticker of a tiny hedgehog on his phone case, right there in the left corner, a little faded and worn out but here all the same.

He got it from Eliott. It was such a long time ago that he doesn’t even remember why Eliott gave it to him in the first place, but maybe there was no occasion at all. Eliott is like that, he thinks. It’s just him.

”It reminded me of you,” Eliott told him, back then, trying to wink at him and failing, and Lucas remembers his heart doing something weird, remembers trying to cover it up with mock-offence and pretend.

”I told you it’s not my fault I’m shorter than you,” he’d said, flipping Eliott off, which only made Eliott laugh. He’d taken the phone from Lucas’s hands, grinning wide, their fingers brushing, and he was probably completely unaware of how Lucas’s chest was suddenly too tight for his heart, how he had to fight another stupid blush from creeping onto his face.

”That’s not what I mean,” Eliott told him, inspecting the phone case as if a generic all-black plastic it was made of was somehow interesting for him. ”It’s because you’re very defensive and don’t let people get close easily, but you’re also very cute once you finally let someone in. You know?” and then, before Lucas’s overworked heart could decide on a response and his dazzled mind could come up with something to say, Eliott had already stuck the sticker onto his phone and was pushing the device back into Lucas’s loose grip, and then he was smiling at him again, saying, ”There you go, Lu.”

And as Lucas lies there in the dark, staring at his silent phone, his heart suddenly heavy at 1 in the morning, he thinks, fuck Eliott. Fuck him. Fuck him for being so unfair, for doing things he never had any right to do, for being so sweet and so nice and so kind through and through, with his smiles and his gifts and his attention.

Lucas thinks about picking his phone up from the nightstand and calling Marc. About telling him, I wanted to hear your voice, or sorry about today, or anything, really, just for the sake of it. He thinks he should — they are almost official, after all, four dates and a few perfectly nice kisses in, holding hands in coffee shops, sitting next to each other close enough for their knees to brush.

And then he thinks about how Eliott looked at him earlier, about his shy smile and hopeful gaze and how the world faded around the edges, the second their eyes met.

Love is not a decision. He knows that. But other things are, maybe.

Lucas doesn’t call.

*

Another throwback, just because — the night they talked about the confession, after Eliott said, ”Do you know what it’s like to be told that by someone like you?” and after Lucas made up his mind and got up from the ground to finally go home, after he’d said, ”We’ll figure it out,” Eliott said one more thing.

”It’s a goddamn honour, Lucas,” he’d told him. In the night air, the words sounded very raw. Lucas had turned to him, then, feeling a little dizzy and very tired and sad, overall, but still covering it up. The trick of the light in Eliott’s eyes settled, then solidified. ”To be loved by you. You, of all people.”

*

His fifth date with Marc begins with an awkward kiss on the cheek and ends with a break-up.

It’s very simple, really. In the end, there’s not much to say.

”I think your heart is not in it,” Marc tells him, looking a little defeated and a little disappointed, but not too hurt. That, at least, is a good thing. ”I think your heart is somewhere else.”

And what is Lucas supposed to say to that, exactly?

So they just…part ways. The ending comes like the beginning came, not anticipated but still there, and Lucas finds himself not feeling much at all, then. It’s awful of him, maybe. Probably, even. Maybe he should have tried harder, or should have been more stubborn, maybe he should have said, my heart is right there, what do you mean? and fight.

But the truth is — Lucas is tired of fighting. Tired of fighting himself, and Eliott, and everyone around, of fighting Imane’s soft glances and Basile’s unsubtle remarks and Yann’s too-kind questions and there is not much strength in him, really, there’s never been, despite what everyone else always thinks. So he doesn’t fight. Sometimes, that’s just how it is.

”I’m sorry,” he only says, at the end of it all, and if Marc was hoping for a different answer, it doesn’t show on his face. ”I’m a mess.”

Marc sighs, but then he’s shrugging, aiming for nonchalance, and Lucas takes it as such with a small flicker of relief behind his sternum.

”That’s okay, I guess,” Marc tells him, in his highlighter-like t-shirt and with his round glasses and dark brown eyes. ”Aren’t we all?”

*

The rest goes like this — he doesn’t know how the hell the boys find out that he’s freshly broken up with, but somehow they do, and they keep harassing him in the group chat to come over to Yann’s on Friday to ”drink the sadness away”. In all honesty, Lucas is not really sad. But maybe he is a little weary, and a little sick of going back and forth between what he’s feeling and who he’s feeling it for, and a little tired.

So he goes.

Yann’s apartment, when he gets there, is already full of people he’s never met before and loud music and booze, whiskey and vodka and beer, mostly the cheap, nasty kind, but Lucas barely drinks anything anyway. Arthur and Basile are having a karaoke battle in the corner of the living room, and it’s horrifying. At one point, he spots Emma and Daphné dancing together. It is almost fun, he thinks as he pushes past people to get to the kitchen, his red solo cup empty but his mind still clear. It’s not bad.

Eliott is here, too. It is, Lucas guesses, nobody’s fault. He spots him on the way, near the balcony, where he is talking to Idriss and Sofiane and a couple of other people Lucas doesn’t know, and again — Lucas is tired. Exhausted, just a little bit.

That’s why he allows himself a second of leeway, then. He leans against the doorframe and looks, for a moment, again, at the contour of Eliott’s profile, at how his shirt is loose on his shoulders, and catches the exact moment Eliott throws his head back and laughs at something, free and pretty, with his hair sticking to his forehead and his skin glistening in the lights.

Lucas turns his head away.

There is something, he thinks in the back of his head as he steps into the kitchen where it is less crowded and less suffocating, about standing in a room full of people and only really looking at one person.

*

He stays in the kitchen for a while. People keep coming and going, vanishing into the crowd like it’s an ocean, and Lucas watches it all from where he’s perched on the kitchen counter right next to the sink. He pours tap water into his slightly mistreated plastic cup and just sits and listens to bits of conversations as people pass him by, watches as the night gets darker and darker outside the window.

He doesn’t know how Eliott finds him, but it happens.

If it was in a different time, he would have thought that it’s a sign, maybe. See, Lucas used to read into it a lot, and build his high hopes on it — on how he and Eliott always seemed to gravitate towards each other, about how often they ended up huddled somewhere together, about how easy it’s always been to find Eliott in a crowd. Lucas has spent countless parties watching how Eliott turned people’s heads, how they followed him with their eyes, and used to flush happily at the fact that he was the one Eliott always sought out in the end. But it never meant anything. Still doesn’t.

That’s fine.

But Eliott finds him, anyway. Something passes over his face when he notices him, but it is quick to vanish, and then he’s walking over to where Lucas is sitting. Lucas tries to ignore the way his throat tightens a little at that and braces himself, on autopilot, for a confrontation, because that’s all they’ve been doing, lately, as much as he wished things were different.

But it doesn’t happen.

Eliott only fills a glass with water from the tap, instead, keeps his eyes on it and doesn’t say a word. Lucas just sits there next to him and barely moves himself. The noises of the party and other people’s chatter fade away into the background, somewhere far, mix with the clinking of glasses and bursts of laughter. Lucas thinks, I’d leave, if I were drunk, but he isn’t. So he doesn’t go.

He notices, almost involuntarily, that Eliott must be a little nervous if the way he fiddles with the tap is anything to go by.

”So, uhm,” is the first thing Eliott says to him after a drawn-out moment, after he’d filled his glass to the brim and put it on the counter and didn’t drink a drop from it, ”where’s your guy?”

For a second, Lucas doesn’t know what to say. Eliott sounds like Lucas is feeling — unsure and weird and muted, kind of, too quiet for the setting they’re in. Lucas isn’t used to that, from Eliott. It makes something in his chest stir.

He decides to go with, ”Not here.”

It’s a little too curt and Eliott flinches just slightly, then fiddles with his glass. He says, ”Oh. Okay.”

They’re quiet for a moment again. There are shouts coming from the direction of the living room, then someone turns the music down a bit, but Eliott doesn’t turn to check what’s happening, so Lucas doesn’t either. They stay as they are — close but also miles apart, hesitant, hovering. In another universe, it crosses his mind, maybe that’s how they met — at a party, in Yann’s kitchen, talking about something silly right there by the sink, without the mess of Lucas’s bundled up feelings to fuck it up even before it started.

Lucas takes a breath, tries to push whatever it is in his chest down and away before saying, softer this time, ”We’re not together. Anymore.”

Eliott turns his head at that, sharp, surprised. It’s the first time tonight that he looks Lucas right in the face and his eyes are huge, coloured dark with the scant light in the room. He looks like he’s waiting for Lucas to continue, maybe, just for a second, but Lucas doesn’t really have anything else to give, so he just shrugs. It feels like a capitulation of sorts. Like armistice.

Eliott asks, eventually, with something in his voice, ”Why?”

You know why, Lucas thinks. You know.

But he doesn’t say it.

He just shrugs again, helpless. It is how it is. There is nothing to explain, really, because he’s tried that already and failed, time and time again. It must show on his face, or Eliott is just looking for it, because when Lucas doesn’t say anything, he tells him, ”I’m sorry to hear that.”

Are you, is what Lucas wants to say at first, but it wouldn’t be fair, because Eliott sounds like he always does, infuriatingly kind. Don’t be wouldn’t be right also. He chews through all the words on his tongue and chooses carefully in the end, puts every ounce of lightness he has left in him when he says, ”I don’t think I need your drunk apologies, Eliott.”

Eliott clicks his tongue. ”I’m not drunk,” he says, and yeah, Lucas knew that already. They’re probably the only sober people at the party. And then Eliott says, ”Even though I don’t think he was right for you, I’m still sorry.”

And that—that’s not fair. That’s not fair.

The thing behind Lucas’s sternum grows, suddenly, makes it difficult to breathe. His chest is too tight for his heart. He grips the counter with such force that it digs into his palms and then he holds on, holds on.

He says, ”I don’t need your approval, either, you know.”

Eliott straightens up at that. Like this, Lucas sitting on the counter, they’re almost the same height. At least that, Lucas guesses, is fair when not much else isn’t, because here they are again, almost-arguing, even when he wished and hoped for it not to happen anyway. He thinks, how many more times.

”I know that,” Eliott is saying in the next moment, like an apology, but Lucas doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want another “I’m sorry” and “Don’t do this”. He doesn’t want that. Eliott can take it all back. ”I just meant—”

”I don’t care what you meant,” he cuts in. The counter is solid under his hands. ”I don’t care, Eliott. Do you really think I want your opinion on this?” And then, ”Am I supposed to be unrequitedly in love with you forever? Is that what you want?”

Eliott deflates, then. His facade drops steadily, just a little, and for once he isn’t smiling, and Lucas doesn’t know if it’s for better or worse. Eliott’s smile is the thing he loves the most, really, but recently, even the thought of it has only made him want to cry.

”No, that’s not what I want,” Eliott says finally. His eyes are gentle. He is looking right at Lucas, and Lucas thinks that it is, somehow, very brave. ”I want you to be happy. That’s all. It’s all I want.” And then, when Lucas doesn’t say anything to that, Eliott asks, quietly, ”Aren’t you going to ask why?”

Lucas wants to. He really does. But he is scared of questions, at this point, and of answers he hoped for that never came, of getting his heart broken again and again, of breaking it all by himself with how naive and stupid it is. He is angry at Eliott and mad at himself and why, why did Eliott even come here in the first place?

That’s why he says, ”I don’t think I want to know anymore,” and then, not giving Eliott the time to make him question this decision as well, Lucas adds, ”Please, can you just— can you just go?”

Eliott does, even though his eyes look sad.

It is another thing Lucas loves him for.

*

And then, later, as he’s stumbling home at 2 in the morning, he gets a text.

i’m at your apartment building, Lucas reads, squinting, i really need to talk to you.

And then, ten seconds after that, as if hesitating, Eliott sends, please.

*

”Hi,” is what Eliott says when Lucas gets there ten minutes later, already weirdly uneasy. ”Um— you haven’t answered my text?“

Lucas hasn’t. He doesn’t know what he was supposed to write anyway, because ”of course” was too vulnerable and ”i don’t want to see you” was not true, not entirely. So he just came, instead. He doesn’t know how long Eliott has been standing here on the street already, but he looks like he’s been here for a while — his hair is windswept and he’s kind of hunched, hands in his pockets, and he’s looking at Lucas through the dark. For a moment, Lucas just kind of looks back at him.

”What are you doing here?” he says at last. It comes out a little rough.

”I have— something to say,” Eliott says, then licks his lips a little like he does when he’s unsure of something. ”I wanted to talk.”

About what, Lucas wants to ask at first, but it would be a little rude. Talk, then would, too. He’s not sure if he’s ready to listen to whatever it is that Eliott has to say to him, but then again, maybe the sooner he deals with it, the better. Eliott’s listened to him, after all, the first time around, then the second. How much worse can it get, right.

”Let’s go inside, then.”

”Actually, I would — can we talk here?”

Lucas frowns. It’s almost completely dark here, outside, and kind of creepy with the only source of light being a streetlamp, and even though the day was warm, the night really isn’t. ”Why?”

Eliott sends him a strange half-smile. ”If we’re in public, you’re less likely to punch me when I’m done talking.”

In public, he says, even though there’s hardly anyone around. Lucas is not sure if it’s a bad joke to ease the weird tension between them or just Eliott being himself. It’s hard to tell, sometimes. ”Are you serious?”

In response, Eliott runs a hand through his hair. Lucas doesn’t think he’s aware of the gesture. ”Yeah? I don’t know. I’m kind of nervous.”

”Eliott, what is this about?”

Eliott looks up at him from where he’s been staring at the ground. He’s biting at his lip again. But there’s a firm set to his jaw, now, and something unyielding about the way he holds himself. His eyes lock with Lucas’s and then stay.

”Lucas, listen, I—” he starts, but then shakes his head, as if correcting himself. ”I’m gonna start at the beginning. This is going to be a mess, I’m sorry.”

What is going to be a mess, Lucas wants to ask, here in front of his apartment building, standing in the darkness, feeling a little unsettled, but then Eliott breathes in and starts talking.

”When you confessed, months ago,” he starts, and Lucas’s heart aches a little at the memory, still, ”I— didn’t see that coming at all. Looking back at it now, maybe I should have. Maybe a smarter person would have seen it. But I didn’t at the time, and I was— I was very blindsided. I panicked. I panicked and I turned you down because I didn’t want everything to change between us so suddenly, you know — which was fucking stupid, because I should have known it would change anyway.”

Lucas opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. Eliott looks down again, swallows, and then goes on.

”I told myself I wasn’t the right person for you, and I still kind of think that. You deserve someone brave, Lucas, and good and kind, and I’m not—there are so many things that are wrong with me. There’s so much.” A breath, a pause. ”And I was a coward, I was scared of talking to you at first, and then I was scared of what I was feeling, and you were so sad. You were— so sad, I made you so sad, but you were trying to make your peace, you were trying so hard, and I thought — if I were right for you, I would have never made you go through such a thing. But I’m selfish, and I’m a shitty person, so I did. I thought—”

Eliott still isn’t looking at him. Lucas can feel his heart in his throat, his pulse hammering in his head. It’s not that cold, really, but he feels like he’s freezing. It’s—

And Eliott’s saying, ”I thought I could fix it, you know. On my own terms, because that’s how I am, trying to cover my own ass when I’m not even the one hurt. I thought I had time, that I could show you slowly, find a way to make you see that I—yeah. Take you out somewhere, show you some paintings, or maybe invite you over, or say that I miss you and that you’re important to me, all those things. Those are all true,” he says, ”but aren’t the things I should be telling you.”

Lucas’s lungs feel too small, all of a sudden. ”Eliott,” he manages at last. He doesn’t know what’s happening. ”What—”

”And then you were suddenly moving on, already with someone else, and I saw you and just—” Eliott shakes his head like he’s frustrated with himself.“ I was running out of time, but it would be so unfair to take all the effort you put into rebuilding our friendship and just throw it out the window—”

Lucas more feels than hears himself speak. ”Eliott,” he says, feeling kind of numb. ”What are you—”

”I know those are all shitty excuses,” Eliott cuts him off. Lucas can’t remember the last time he’s seen him struggle with words so much. ”And I’m really sorry. But I don’t have any better ones.” He breathes in, breathes out. “I was scared and confused and selfish and I’m so sorry, Lu.” And then, outside of Lucas’s apartment building, in the dark, Eliott tells him, lifting his head up, ”I’m in love with you. I have been in love with you for a while, but I’m scared that I’m too late, now.” And then, quieter, ”Please tell me if I’m too late.”

And Lucas is— quiet. Very still. For what feels like a very long moment.

This is what it feels like when streams freeze over in the winter, he thinks numbly. His heart is beating so fast, but it feels like there’s no oxygen in his brain. He keeps looking at Eliott and keeps repeating his words in his head, but they barely make any sense. They barely make sense.

”Why didn’t you say anything,” is the first thing that finally comes to him, so that’s what he says. Lucas feels, for the second time tonight, a lot like someone just socked him in the face. The words feel foreign in his mouth, like he’s speaking some made-up language. ”Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Eliott winces, kind of.

”What was I supposed to say, Lucas?” he asks, and he sounds weird. Breathless, like he never does. He sounds like Lucas feels. ”When you were sitting there with a different guy, looking more at peace than I’ve seen you look in months? More yourself than I’ve seen you look in a while?” A sigh. ”There’s no good way to bring something like that up, and you didn’t talk to me at all and…” When Lucas looks at him again, he’s looking back. ”I don’t blame you. I don’t. I understand — you were so brave, and all I had to do was say like, two words, and I didn’t even manage that because I was scared. That’s not okay.”

”No,” Lucas says, still dazed. ”No, that’s not okay.”

”Yeah,” Eliott says, smiling a little now, but it’s not a happy smile. It’s self-deprecating, tilted, heartbreaking, just a little. Lucas wants to wipe it off of his face. ”If I’m too late, I understand. If you don’t— want this, anymore.”

And Lucas thinks, God, dear God, and, dazed and with his heart in his throat, with the rush of blood in his head, he takes two steps and kisses him.

It’s a little graceless, at first. Eliott’s breath catches when their lips meet, and Lucas’s whole body still feels kind of numb. His own pulse is everything he can hear. But then Eliott cups his face, thumb stroking his cheekbone, and Lucas tilts his head and their lips slide together and they’re kissing. They’re kissing. He grips Eliott’s jacket, Eliott lets him press closer and they’re kissing, sweet and dizzying and warm and Lucas just lets it happen. Lets Eliott kiss him and lets himself kiss back, again and again until time goes a little wobbly. Until he runs out of breath.

”You’re such an asshole,” is the first thing Lucas says when they part, words shaky. He grips Eliott’s jacket tighter. ”You’re the biggest fucking idiot I’ve ever met.”

He can feel the warmth of Eliott’s breaths on his skin.

”I know,” Eliott says, a low sound. He is holding himself very still. ”I’m the biggest idiot I’ve ever met, too.”

And Lucas leans in again and kisses him, feeling angry and relieved and nervous and happy and a little like he’s dreaming, too. All those things, all at once. It blooms in his chest like a garden, and he is full of it.

Eliott keeps kissing back. He keeps kissing back as Lucas moves his hands from the front of Eliott’s jacket to his shoulders, keeps kissing back as Lucas deepens the kiss and as Lucas’s breath catches. Eliott kisses his bottom lip, his top lip, holds Lucas’s face in his hands and the touch is so gentle it’s almost cautious and they keep kissing. Lucas shivers, doesn’t know if it’s from the chilly wind or from something else entirely.

Then someone across the street cheers loudly, screams what sounds like a tipsy ”Go get some!” and Lucas can’t help the grin that breaks out at that, spills all over his features, feeling so dumb and so young and jittery. Eliott kisses the corner of his mouth, once, twice, again. His lips are warm.

”I’m so angry at you,” Lucas tells him because he is, he should be, will be later, but right now he’s also something else. Eliott’s ears are just slightly red, and the tip of his nose as well. His lips are red, too, but that’s from kissing. That’s because they kissed. It happened. ”But I understand, I think. Love is scary.”

”Yeah,” Eliott says, and then, in an attempt at lightening the mood, or maybe out of genuine concern, ”Does this mean you’re not going to punch me?”

”I haven’t decided yet.”

”Okay,” he says, low, tender like a bruise, then adds, ”That’s alright.”

And see — Eliott loves him. Lucas thought he knew what it was like to love someone, before. His parents, all his friends, Yann and Mika and Lisa and Manon, and then Eliott, too. But maybe he was a little bit wrong. He was wrong about many things, apparently.

Eliott’s still cupping Lucas’s face in his palms. His hands are shaking a little, either from the nerves or from the cold. Lucas covers Eliott’s hands with his own, because that is, apparently, something he can do, now.

”Just for the record,” he says, then, because it feels important that Eliott knows, ”nothing is wrong with you. Okay? There is nothing wrong with you, Eliott.” And then, he smiles just a little, hoping it looks like an encouragement. ”And if there’s anything wrong with you, then there must be something wrong with me as well. We are both a mess, me and you.” He catches Eliott’s gaze. ”Alright?“

And Eliott looks at him, open and vulnerable and so, so stupid, silly and kind and everything in between, and turns his head, kisses the inside of Lucas’s palm, presses his smile into Lucas’s skin, and says, ”Alright.”

*

A throwback to a different time and a different place: Lucas’s heart is in his throat and he keeps thinking, love is terrifying. He keeps staring at his own hands. He feels young and silly, just a little damaged, a little out of place and frail. He’s in love and keeps thinking, I made a mistake. What if I made a mistake?

Fast forward to now: it was the right universe all along.

It’s all okay.

#elu #elu fic #skam france #skamfr #elu fanfic #td #my writing #part 2!! angstfest is done #my internet connection is killing me #asks #anon

[szopenhauer]

What type of friend are you?  funny mom friend so like... dad friend? XD 

Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? nah

Do you have a family member you hate? could say so

Does your family accept who you are? it’s complicated

Have you ever puked in school or at work? luckily not

Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? hate 

Have you ever coughed up blood? nope

Do you lie to your doctor? sometimes we all have to but nothing important

Have you ever been misdiagnosed? yup

Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? that too

Is self diagnosing good or bad? depends

Do you think sex is overated? it is

Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? I’m not dating men, I don’t want to have a son and I am not a doctor so I don’t care about male bodies, sorry

If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? ...

Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? nooo

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? I don’t drink

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don’t think so

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? no

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? it wasn’t a lie but I bend the truth a little 

Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? I might go without a bra but because I don’t wanna wear it and not because I might have sex 

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? nope

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? not less but not more as more attractive might make me feel insecure at times

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? I would if they let me stay in few places but luckily they didn’t care much about me as their worker hahaha

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? there is weight on a driving license? :o

Have you ever lied during a job interview? meh

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work? I exaggerated feeling sick once to not get a job in a horrible place if that counts

Have you ever lied under oath in court? I wouldn’t!

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? I said NO

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? I only took tag from an identical item, just different color, as someone tore it out before and I really wanted that particular color, so no

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? umm... yeah ^^”

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? there are different types of like - like as I would want to wear that myself and like as I enjoy it in general but also like it on particular person etc. 

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? could be worse lol

Do you lie about your age? what for if everybody think I’m younger anyway

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? maybe

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? hell no

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? not really

Have you ever shoplifted? no way

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? yup Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? omg

Have you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? I don’t recall

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? hope not, I try not to, it’s manipulative and I already am seen this way due to my BPD so... 

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? pfft Would you prefer to have hot body or high IQ? good health

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I’m ashamed to tell them that I don’t have a job 

Would you give up your car to save the planet? if I had one...

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? woman :x

Has your credit card ever been declined? I don’t use a credit card

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? oh no...

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? my mother is

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? I usually have to take the blame for her instead

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? just my alters lmfao

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? I didn’t, I have no money to buy and no heart to act like this either

Have you ever re-gifted something? shitload of times

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? not for future ppl, just for itself

Do you own anything from IKEA? not furniture 

What was the last task that you required the use of scissors for? I just dropped them and let them lay on the floor under the table because I am unable to reach ‘em

Look around the room and name any item that’s grey. stuffed bad from Biedronka that I got on a flea market

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? me and M. been spending time together while my parents were at home

Can you recall the last time you woke up in a bad mood? Why was that? I always do?...

Who was the last person to send you a message with a heart emoji? my gf obviously

Does your hometown have many good bookshops? none

What would be your typical outfit for a party? I don’t attend parties 

If your girlfriend/​​boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? oh...

last dream you had: K. 3D printed or smth almost identical album as the ones I had as a baby and her and my current partner gave it to me as a gift :3

do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I aware of that

is your best friend pissing you off at this exact moment? I informed my father that I dropped scissors and now as I picked them up he asked me when and how they ended up there while I told him about it few minutes ago - I was more worried than annoyed tbh

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? she’s taking a nap

Sex ruins relationships, right? it can happen

Last person to stand up for you? hmm...

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I lost count which is weird because I cry in front of my family members only (not even my grandma until I was a baby), I know that sometimes I cry in public but because I don’t give a fuck about strangers as much as I used to, close ones in the other hand... Nat hates the most when someone sees him so vulnerable

Something good going to happen tomorrow? doubt it

The last person you kissed hates you. Why? would have reasons

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11? it’s a secret you can unlock in a very high level of our relationship

Do you like your cell phone? it’s ok

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? we’re engaged so that dream ain’t that unreal

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? uh oh

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? I wish

What are you listening to at the moment? mom and dad talking <rolling my eyes>

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? or never

What’s your favorite high school memory? I have a bunch of those

Do you wish you had more money? absolutely

Team Jacob or Team Edward? team hate Twilight

Do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? with bicurious maybe, definitely not gay

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex? I have

Are you a patient person? weirdly unpatient Do you think you are a good person? am not

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? ewww

Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’? there is 

How was your week? rollerclaster XD

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? usually

When was the last time you cried? recently

What letter is the song you’re listening to under? M if vocalist/band B if title of the song

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s I guess

Do your socks say anything on them? I have no socks with anything said on them

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. BBC

Gray or Grey? grey

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? I won’t

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? yasss, it was fine

How many weddings have you been to? less than 5

When you smile, are you confident? I am not

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? of course

Was the weather beautiful today? it’s cold

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? I don’t own a fan Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? walls? orange 

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? why not whole

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I dislike it

Does/Did your school have a uniform? middle school only and that was a great idea

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? not gonna

What’s your favorite thing to do? nothing

If your house was haunted, what would you do? depends

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? slow internet

Are you a fast or slow walker? which alter? :P

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I must buy belt for Nat

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? no comment

What age do you look forward to reaching? I live on borrowed air...

What exercise do you hate the most? awkward ones

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? no

What color shirt is your mom wearing today? she’s wearing a striped pajama and light blue sweater atm

Does any part of your body hurt right now? mor than one

Do you like Greek Mythology? not a fan

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

What was the last question you answered, not on surveys? it was more an order than a question coming from my mom 

Do you own anything Polo? used to

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? neighbor

What is your favorite endangered animal? are elephants still endangered?

Do you like to dance? kinda, from time to time Who was the last person who screamed your name? mom’s calling me again, grrr...

Which underwater creature do you find the most badass? what do you mean?

How do you usually find out what the weather will be like for the next week? someone tells me, I ignore them, they were wrong all along

Why have/haven’t you joined Twitter? I left as it was boring and irritating Are you good at rhyming? but don’t like to rhyme

When’s the last time you were woken up in an obnoxious way? lately it’s common

Why do you/don’t you enjoy horror movies? they’re disgusting and pointless

Do you have any celebrity’s perfume? I don’t use perfume

How well do you do at Scrabble? in polish or english?

Who is your favorite Scooby-Doo character? Velma I suppose

Have you ever played or been interested in playing World Of Warcraft? been interested, liked the movie

What kind of cake/other dessert treat did you have for your last birthday? nothing?

Who do you think does the best job at cartoon voiceovers? Jarosław Boberek 

Does your dad wear a watch all the time? years ago frequently

How much ice cream do you think you’d be able to eat before you got sick? only a bit

Do you know anybody under 40 with grey hair? I have some myself

Do you think you have the potential to be a good stalker? oh well...

Why did you read the last book that you read? I watched film and heard it has a different ending so wanted to check it out

Have you ever cross-dressed? clothes have no gender but I drew mustaches and such 

Which sport are you the best at playing? unihokej/floorball or however it’s called

Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? possibly

What would you do if you were in that situation? I’m an asexual and I’m into girls

Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? not possible

Do you prefer on-campus classes or online classes? online

What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? personal

What’s something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? my skin for example (not color)

What gaming consoles do you own? I only play PC and android 

Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? been to ER few times

Do you know any lesbian couples? I’m in one ;)

Have you ever lived in an apartment building?  just when I was staying with my grandmother

What was the last topic you asked someone for their opinion or advice on? not sure which was last

Is your house visible on Google Street View?- barely

What’s the largest thing you currently have in your refrigerator? *shrug*

Do you know anyone who has never had a pet? I believe

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? no thx

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? neither Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? not every single time, it’s impossible!

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? sorta, I think they’re lying/want something or make fun of me (even if just slightly teasing for fun)

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? I’m more “ghost” type of person hahaha

Do you wake up cranky? mhm

What is on your wrists right now? sleeves

Are you a beach, country, or city person? country or small town

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? we are 

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? ex - I got a gift and found a shirt for Nat and myself :3

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? -

Are you waiting for something? food

Something you do a lot? suffer

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? it’s not about the amount

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? she likes hugs

How long have you liked the person you like? it’s a long story 

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? not our last kiss

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I worry

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? we kissed 

Are you one of those people who are always cold? not always but often

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I still feel like it even tho I don’t, I thrift often but spend little for those trinkets

Did you sing at all today? może coś nuciłam, nie pamiętam, w headspace?

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? weather

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? gave it away to John

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? typing on the computer

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? hate

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? trashy

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? none

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I don’t care for diamonds

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? plenty of times

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? smth in between

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? I don’t need period to have mood swings, it’s stereotypical!

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? aha

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? we would end up having sex? jk

When/where did your last hug take place? today

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? kind of

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? and with family 

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? no shit Sherlock!

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? don’t wanna talk about all that

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? my fiancee

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? done

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? we’re together again

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? :D

What’s a cuss word you use often? there’s a whole list

Who’s the last guy you texted? dad

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? this question...

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I remember how we met

Do you believe that people talk about you behind your back? ha!

If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? yuk

What are you listening to? Tame Impala - Let It Happen

Did you do something mean to someone today? she deserved it!

Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? babcia...

Give us a lyric from a song you’re listening to: The truth of it is it doesn’t get better than this

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? whoops

What brings out the worst in you? better not say that out loud

How’re you feeling right now? bad

Are you afraid of the future? very

Do you believe in true love? I’m trying

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate? not everybody

Was today a good day? should be better

What woke you up this morning? woke up on my own

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? I don’t 

Have you ever played naked twister? wut...

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? not yet and don’t plan to keep it that long

Would you get in trouble if you came home drunk? that would be a shock to my family (and to me)

Do you ever think about things and start to worry? 100% of the time

Are you one to get annoyed easily? that me!

Is the last person you kissed yours? we don’t own ppl...

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? girl

Are you scared of spiders? am not

Do you hate the last boy who talked to you? I love my parent

Do you tend to make things complicated? not on purpose

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”? gqe1gIQASGCK...

Do you think things will change in the next few months? I’m afraid for worse 

Do you like when people play with your hair? it’s strange

What are you wearing right now? bluzę w czarne i białe paski, zieloną bluzkę z długimi rękawami i szare legginsy z niebieskim wzorkiem

Ever feel like you have been replaced? more than once

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech? write

Are you lying to yourself about something? thx a lot for this ask...

Is the person you last texted single? she’s with me

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? tha hell

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? just my own apartment

Which do you prefer, relationship or a one-night-stand? relationship

[softforcal]

Penumbra : Gang!Luke Ch.3

Summary: Birdie goes to the Luxury for the first time and meets Luke’s ‘coworkers’ 

Warnings: smut

Word Count: 4.9K

Chapter Song: Sucker - Jonas Brothers

(Find the full Gang AU masterlist here)

(Part 1) (Part 2) - (For some reason the links don’t seem to be working on desktop? but uh, they work in all my masterlists so if you need to find the original parts, go on mobile or check one of my masterlists out)

----------

        They’d been official for two weeks and Luke had become accustomed to picking Birdie up after work on nights where she didn’t have school in the morning. This being a Saturday, Birdie had gotten an early shift so she could spent the night with Luke.

        He was a little bit early, and as he entered the ice cream shop, he noticed Birdie talking to someone at the till.

        She looked happy, but she always looked happy at work. However, there was something different about this smile. Luke could hear the easy way she was chatting with the man and Luke had to admit the guy was attractive.

        “It’s been ages! I’m so glad we finally caught up.” The guy said.

        “Yeah, I’m glad you’re finally happy!” Birdie beamed.

        “Me too. How about you? Anyone new in your life?”

        Birdie’s eyes slid past the man, landing on Luke who stayed near the doorway, and she smiled, “yeah, there’s someone special.”

        The guy finished paying and the two said their goodbye’s, he left, and Birdie disappeared to the back room. When she finally came out, Luke wrapped her in a hug, “who was that?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

        Birdie appreciated him not being outwardly jealous, even if she knew him well enough to see the worry in his eyes. She had noticed that about Luke. He didn’t like to constrain her (outside the bedroom that is) but she could always pick up on things that made him uncomfortable. And other men were one of those things.

        Luke managed to forget about the fact he was lying about being in a gang most of the time. It was always there but like the other issues and marks that marred his past, he found it easy to ignore. But in times where other men were involved, the issue came front and centre.

        Luke couldn’t shake the worried feeling whenever guys paid attention to Birdie. He worried that she’d find out about his affiliation with The Aces and leave him. He worried that every guy she talked to, was better for her. They weren’t being selfish. They weren’t lying. They weren’t gangsters.

        “He was an ex.” Birdie said, “from high school, don’t worry, he wasn’t even my first kiss.”

        “Oh yeah?” Luke grinned, “who was your first kiss?”

        “You don’t want to hear about it.” Birdie said, hiding her face in his chest.

        “Yes I do.” Luke assured her.

        “It was with this guy while my family was on vacation in Hawaii. I was seventeen.”

        “No shit?” Luke laughed, “wow, what a late bloomer.”

        Birdie widened her eyes at him, poking him in the chest, “oh yeah!? And when was your first kiss Mr. ‘i’m so cool and mature and slutty’?!”

        Luke laughed, wrapping his arm around the back of her neck so he could pull her close, pressing kiss to her forehead, “I was six, we were under the monkey bars, she had pigtails and had just scraped her knee.” He neglected to include the part where some other bully two years older had pushed the girl and Luke had beat him up, earning the peck on the lips for his valiant effort. And alas, his life of danger had begun at the ripe age of six over something as minor as a skinned knee.

        “Was she cuter than me?” Birdie teased.

        “Definitely.” Luke smirked, “pigtails are a look.”

        Birdie giggled as the two of them left the ice cream shop.

        They were a block from her work when Luke’s phone rang and he groaned loudly, pulling it out. Calum’s name was flashing on his screen, “baby I’m sorry I have to take this it’s work.”

        “No worries.” She said, giving his hand a little squeeze.

        Luke answered his phone, “what?”

        “We need you for something. I’d do it myself, but I think you could get it done quicker.”

        Luke thought about it for a second. Part of him wanted to say no but he didn’t have the type of job where that was an option, “fine, I’ll be there in ten.” He hung up and Birdie looked up at him expectantly, “baby I’m so sorry, I have to pop into my work for a bit-”

        “It’s okay.” She smiled, “I can finally meet your workmates.”

        Luke nodded. The bar wasn’t open yet so it would be just a few people around. Puppy had started taking earlier, opening shifts at the urging of Calum and Ashton who had gotten needier and needier in the year of them dating. There was also the threat of a rival gang, but after Puppy’s first ‘abduction’ Luke doubted the girl, who had since invested hours into self defence classes, would ever be caught unawares again.

        Luke wanted Puppy to meet Birdie. He was chill if his friends could meet her too, but Puppy was like a sister, and this was important to him.

        They walked to the bar, chatting about Birdie’s day.

        The main door to the bar was locked and after a moment Puppy opened it for them, eyes widening in shock as they landed on the shorter girl. “oh! You must be Birdie!”

        “And you must be Puppy!” Birdie smiled, “Luke’s told me all about you!”

        Puppy opened her arms to hug the smaller girl and glared at Luke over her shoulder, “he has, has he?”

        “All good.” Birdie assured her.

        “Of course I told her about my favourite co-worker.” Luke stated, flashing Puppy a look that she returned with a glare, knowing exactly what Luke was insinuating. Luke had told Puppy the basics about everyone, he’d just left out the whole ‘gang thing’.

        “So, the guys are waiting in the back for you,” Puppy said as she returned to her station behind the bar top, continuing her opening duties.

        “Okay.” Luke said, his hands settled on Birdie’s hips and he lifted her up and set her on top of the bar counter, slotting between her legs as he kissed her, “I won’t be long princess.” He assured her.

        Puppy watched with wide eyes as Luke began to walk away, then he stopped, “oh, uh, Puppy, you wouldn’t happen to have a hair tie by any chance, would you?”

        “Sorry I don’t.” Puppy said.

        “Babe I have this one.” Birdie said, pulling her favourite pink scrunchie from her hair.

        Luke walked over again, hands resting on her thighs, “thank you sweetheart.” He kissed her cheek and accepted the scrunchie, leaving again.

        As he walked down the back hall, Luke gathered up his messy curls, putting the scrunchie in his hair to keep everything in place. Michael and Ashton were waiting for him outside the interrogation room and Michael was the first to laugh, “what’s in your hair?!”

        “a scrunchie.” Luke said, handing him his leather jacket that had aptly been named ‘the murder jacket’ for the number of times Luke had killed people while wearing it.

        He rolled up the sleeves of his black shirt, thanking god that he’d worn this shirt today because he had a bunch of these black shirts in his locker for moments like these when one got a little bloody. He could change after and Birdie would be none the wiser.

        “And… are you wearing pink nail polish?” Michael asked, grabbing at Luke’s hand.

         Luke pulled himself out of Michael’s grasp quickly, “yes.”

        Michael’s laughter rang through the hall, “holy shit Luke, you’re going to ruin our reputation.”

        “Our reputation?” Ashton asked, “Michael, last I heard you weren’t the one getting credit for some of the most brutal murders in Ace history.”

        Michael shut up after that and Luke grinned.

        Ashton gave him a quick debriefing on what they needed to know and what parameters were in place: none. Luke could do whatever he needed to do, they were going to kill the poor bastard either way.

        Ashton typed in the code to the room and before they entered Michael asked, “aren’t you going to wear your murder jacket?”

        “Not this time.” Luke answered.

        Calum was leaning against the wall, eyes on the man tied to a chair.

        When Luke came in the guy in the chair looked up and laughed, “this is your prized interrogator? Man’s wearing a pink scrunchie!”

        “Yeah. My girlfriend gave it to me. Her name’s Birdie. She works at the ice cream shop down the street.” Luke said.

        The guys smile disappeared. Luke was giving away personal information. Which could only mean one thing. The man in the chair knew in that moment he was not leaving the room alive.

        Luke made quick work of it, performing with brutal efficiency. A merciful angel giving a quick death after only minor torture which, as all those in the room knew, truly was an act of mercy Luke bestowed rarely, and only on a select few.

        While someone dealt with the body, Luke and his three friends went to the back room for him to wash up. Paying close attention to his hands, Luke made sure there wasn’t any evidence on his skin or his rings. He wiped at the small splattering on his face, grateful to the scrunchie that had kept his hair from his eyes and ensured no blood had marred his golden curls.

        “So, you guys have to pretend you’re bartenders.” He stated as he pulled off his shirt, tossing it in a post-interrogation bag for someone else to deal with.

        “What?” Ashton asked.

        “Birdie thinks you guys work here with me as bartenders.”

        Calum covered his face with a hand, “you still haven’t told her.”

        “Haven’t you been dating for like over a month?”

        “Dating yes, official, two weeks tomorrow.” Luke said.

        “Great you’re keeping track of exact dates and everything.” Michael groaned.

        They watched Luke grab one of his other black shirts, “just fucking do it. For me. Okay?”

        “I don’t like this.” Ashton said.

        “Puppy is going to be mad.” Calum agreed.

        “Yeah I called her my co-worker when I came in.” Luke laughed slightly.

        “Bet she loved that.” Michael chuckled.

        “You’re getting us into some deep shit.” Calum warned.

        Luke grabbed his jacket from Michael, slipping it on, “wouldn’t be the first time.”

        They all left the back room, going down the hallways until they reached the bar area again. As they entered, Birdie hopped down from the bar table. While Luke had been gone, she’d pulled out two bubble gum flavoured lollipops from her bag and offered one to Puppy who had put hers behind the bar but not eaten it.

        Unlike Birdie, Puppy knew the limits of the men she was dating. She knew that a lollipop would, without a doubt, earn her a trip to the back hallway, or if she was lucky, the bathroom, and she was still feeling the after affects of a wild morning so she’d decided not to risk the very probable outcome.

        Birdie sucked on the lollipop but had already gotten through most of it and Luke almost groaned when he saw her, “who let you get your hands on that Princess?” he asked.

        “I had some in my purse.” Birdie grinned, letting Luke take the sucker from her mouth before putting it in his own.

        The gang members watched in shock. Their tall blonde murder boy, with a pink scrunchie in his hair, pink nails, sucking on a pink lollipop, looking down at a girl with complete and utter adoration in his eyes.

        Birdie peered around her boyfriend at the three other guys, “Luke, aren’t you going to introduce me?” she asked.

        “Right.” Luke said, turning to put his arm over his shoulders, “so the blonde one is Ashton, the one with bleached hair is Michael and the brunette is Calum.”

        Birdie offered a hand Ashton and Calum shoved a shocked looking Ashton, motioning for him to shake it. Finally the blonde accepted the small symbol of friendship.

        When all three men had been introduced and shaken her hand, Birdie stepped back, cuddling into Luke’s chest, “so you’re all bartenders here?”

        “Yes.” Michael said rather pointedly, “bartenders! Love making drinks. But Calum here,” he grabbed Calum’s shoulders, “is the best, you should get him to make you something.”

        “Really?” Birdie asked.

        Calum sighed, “sure. Pick your poison sweetheart.” Calum walked around behind the bar, Luke and Birdie moving to be on the other side to watch him create.

        “Uh…” Birdie thought about it for a moment, “Luke what do you think?”

        Calum poured himself some water while he waited for instructions, Puppy standing next to him with a grin.

        Luke lifted Birdie and sat her on the bar table again as her fingers danced across his shoulders, now at eye level with the blonde who was once again between her legs, “you’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth Princess, maybe try the lavender lemon fizz.”

        Calum nearly spat out his drink, coughing slightly.

        “You know how to make that right Cal?” Luke asked, gaze going to the man who was now entirely out of place behind the bar.

        Calum most definitely did not know how to make that drink.

        It was one of their more obscure ones, definitely the girliest drink on the menu by far, it was a shock to everyone in the room that Luke (who drank mostly straight shots) even know it existed, but Luke honestly thought Birdie would adore it.

        “Uh, yeah I can make that.” Calum said, setting down his water.

        Luckily Birdie turned her attention back to Luke which allowed time for Puppy to show Calum what he needed to make the purple coloured concoction.

        Birdie reached a hand up and pulled the scrunchie from Luke’s hair, letting his curls fall across his face. She giggled, pushing them out of the way and fussing with them until they were perfect. Everyone watched in silence.

        Luke had always been very particular with his hair. Few were ever allowed to touch it. And yet here he was, letting a girl run her fingers through it like it was the most normal thing in the world.

        As Birdie put the scrunchie on her wrist Michael nudged Ashton, “yikes.” He whispered, just loud enough for Ashton to hear. They’d all seen Luke torture and kill that man with the scrunchie in, but it was another thing to witness his girlfriend take back the scrunchie with no idea that it had just been an accessory to murder.

        Luke still had the lollipop in his mouth and Birdie grabbed the stick, but Luke wouldn’t let her pull it away from him, “hey!” she whined.

        “You have a drink coming.” Luke said, teeth still firmly around the stick.

        “But I want my lollipop.”

        “Too bad.”

        Birdie’s lower lip began to whimper, and Luke gave in almost instantly, sighing as he allowed her to finally pull it from his mouth and put it back in her own. By the time the couple turned to look at Calum, Puppy had managed to get all the ingredients together and Calum was mixing them.

        Even Luke had to admit Calum was committing to the role, with Puppy’s guidance, he looked like a proper bartender. Calum poured the drink into a martini glass and slid it across the table.

        Luke stuck a hand in his pocket, pulling out a twenty from the wad of cash he’d just earned from torturing the man in the back. He held it out towards Calum tauntingly, only to hand it over to Puppy who laughed.

        All eyes went to Birdie as she held the glass with two hands, sipping at it. Her eyes widened, “this is so good!” she squealed.

        Birdie was so excited that she almost spilled some of the drink as Luke took the glass away from her, “woah there lightweight, slow down before I have to call an ambulance.”

        Luke had never in his life called an ambulance and everyone knew it, except for Birdie, who giggled at the teasing tone of his voice.

        The gang watched the two interact and Puppy started an easy conversation with the girl. Birdie was more than happy to share the fact that she was an English major, she even gushed about how on their second date Luke had read bad love poetry to her. Everyone looked at Luke with new eyes after hearing all the juicy details Birdie was giving them.

        They were surprised that this was the same Angel Face who had just murdered a man not minutes before, but what was even more shocking, was how Luke watched Birdie speak with a soft smile, his hands on her thighs, he made no effort to get her to stop revealing his secrets.

        While Birdie answered questions, Ashton moved behind the bar, settling next to Puppy. His arm went around her shoulders and Calum’s arm was already around her waist. The trio listened and, as much as neither Ace wanted to admit it, the things Birdie was saying was making every person in the room feel warm and fuzzy inside.

        Luke asked Birdie a question and in the blink of an eye, it’s like the two of them escaped to their own world. Suddenly the other people in the room were nothing, just phantoms witnessing something they couldn’t control or touch or alter.

        Birdie had finished her drink and when the lollipop ran out as well, Luke pulled the stick from her mouth, setting it in the empty glass. He grabbed her chin, thumb teasing Birdie’s lower lip.

        He kissed her gently and for a moment, everything was sweet. But when he pulled away, his thumb went back to her mouth and he put it just a little bit closer to slipping past her lips. Birdie’s eyes were on Luke’s which watched the motions of his digit which she finally accepted into her mouth.

        With that, every other person in the room huddled away from the couple, all of them thinking the same thing: that thumb had been covered in blood not thirty minutes earlier.

        “Yikes.” Michael repeated a little too loudly, earning him a small smack from Puppy, “hey! You think of a better word.” He glared.

        None of them could.

        Yikes summed up the situation quite brilliantly.

        “One of you needs to get him to tell her.” Puppy hissed.

        “One of us? You’re the one that’s practically the guys sister.” Michael said. Three pairs of eyes turned to him and Michael sighed, “right, I forgot, neither of you two can stand against your girlfriend or she won’t suck your dicks or whatever.”

        “That’s not-” Ashton began but he shut his mouth after Puppy glared at him.

        “Someone has to tell Luke that he has to-” Puppy began but by the time they all turned around, the couple was nowhere to be found.

        “For fucks sake.” Calum sighed.

        “This is not happening in my bar.” Puppy said sternly. It was a funny sentiment given the fact that, out of everyone in the room, Puppy had the second least claim to the notorious Ace bar but in that moment, no one was going to fight her on it. 

        “We’ve fucked you in this bar.” Calum pointed out.

        Ashton giggled, “as if you’re going to go stop them.”

        Puppy turned and left, the three men watching her turn down a hallway, she was about to turn again to go towards the bathroom when she almost smacked right into the walking human wall that was Luke Hemmings.

        They didn’t have the decency to even get into one of the private bathrooms and Puppy was about to scold Luke when she realized Luke’s hand was wrapped around Birdie’s throat. Without another word, Puppy turned and left, coming back to the main bar with a look of horror on her face.

        “What is it? What did you see?” Calum asked, hand settling on the small of her back.

        “He’s choking her.”

        “What?!” Calum and Ashton were on alert instantly.

        Michael laughed, “she means sexually.”

        The tension in Ashton and Calum’s shoulders relaxed and Puppy put her face in her hands, “this is so fucked.”

        “Birdie is the one that’s getting fucked.” Michael clarified, “this situation, is wack as shit.”

        Birdie had flushed the darkest shade of pink Luke had ever seen as Puppy had ran away. Hiding her face in his chest, Birdie was almost shaking from embarrassment, “oh my gosh.” She groaned.

        “Don’t worry baby, I’ve walked in on Puppy loads of times. And it’s worse because she has Calum and Ashton.” Luke assured her.

        He was willing to say anything to get her into the bathroom at that point. Luke knew, without a doubt, he was the hardest he’d ever been in his entire life. Watching Birdie suck on that lollipop then on his thumb had unleashed an animalistic urge and Luke was nowhere near strong enough to keep it contained.

       Birdie pulled away from his chest, looking up at Luke who immediately used one hand to cup her face, bringing his lips down on hers again. “I feel dirty.” Birdie mumbled against his mouth.

        Luke pulled away to rest his forehead against hers, “don’t you like being dirty, little girl?”

        Birdie giggled, biting her lip then nodding. Luke grabbed her hand, pulling her into one of the private bathrooms that had its own lock on the door. He closed it behind them, making a big show of locking them in. He even tested the handle to prove to Birdie that it was locked, and no one would stumble in on them.

        Luke turned to look at his girlfriend, she was standing in the middle of the small room looking all awkward and adorable. Her usual kitten paw, long sweater sleeves were nowhere to be seen because he’d picked her up from work, so instead, her fingers were playing with the belt loops of her blue ripped jeans. Luke loved those jeans. The way they hugged her beautiful thighs that he loved so much, and that little bum he’d already grown accustomed to grabbing.

        She looked so out of place, but Luke adored it. He opened his arms for her and without question, Birdie approached him. His hands cupped her face, “we don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable princess.” He assured her.

        Birdie went on her tiptoes, trying to get at Luke’s lips and after a moment of tortuous teasing, he finally closed the gap. They had only been kissing for a second when Birdie’s hands went to the button of his jeans.

        Luke groaned into her mouth as she worked his jeans and briefs down just enough to grab him. One of her hands began to work his shaft and Luke half expected her to reach into his back pocket for the condom he always kept there, but when Birdie pulled away and dropped to her knees, Luke’s eyes widened in shock.

        She pushed his hips a little and Luke allowed her to direct him so the sink counter was behind him, he braced his hands on the cold counter top, leaning against it so he was a bit shorter because on her knees, Luke knew there was no way Birdie would be eye level with his dick.

        He watched her, holding his breath as she opened her mouth and wrapped it around his tip. Luke’s eyes closed and he let his head roll back, enjoying the feeling. They’d been dating for two weeks but oddly enough, Birdie had never given him a blow job. They’d been having all sorts of raunchy sex, the kind that Luke would almost feel bad telling his friends about, but usually Luke was the one dominating. Usually he’d be the one with complete control.

        And now there he was, in his club’s bathroom, his pretty princess between his legs and Luke knew that she had him wrapped around her little finger like nothing else in the entire world.

        Birdie grabbed the base of his dick, sucking more of him into her mouth. Luke’s hands tangled in her hair, but he didn’t try to force her to take more of him than she could handle.

        She was getting more comfortable with it and began bobbing her head up and down, “that’s it, pretty girl, just like that.” Luke urged.

        Birdie hummed happily around him and Luke’s hips spasmed at the vibration, a low groan leaving his chest. She sucked a little harder and Luke’s eyes popped open, looking down at the girl in shock. He’d had blow jobs, but none of them had ever been like this.

        The girl in between his legs was full of surprises and Luke loved her with every fibre of his being.

        “Fuck princess I’m going to cum-” he cut himself off with another groan as she sucked at him even harder, hand pumping whatever parts of his shaft that she didn’t already have in her mouth. Luke’s grip in her hair tightened to try to slow her down but it had no effect, her determined motions refusing to be stopped or interrupted by his hand.

        This was going to be the shortest, most intense blow of Luke’s life and he knew it. He could already feel himself coming undone and he hurried to try to form a coherent sentence, “your mouth-” is all he could manage before another moan fell from his lips.

        Birdie once again ignored him and if Luke hadn’t felt so fucking good, he might have felt bad about spilling into her mouth. Birdie continued bobbing on his dick as a flurry of curse words left his lips, hips jutting as he came.

        When he was finally done, Luke opened his eyes and looked down at Birdie who pulled away.

        She swallowed.

        Luke groaned, haphazardly dragging his pants back up and grabbing his princess, pulling her to her feet. His thumb swiped her bottom lip, collecting the smallest amount of cum that had somehow escaped, Birdie opened her mouth and sucked it off his digit and Luke swore he was about to get hard all over again.

        “Where the fuck did you learn to suck dick like that pretty girl?” he asked.

        “Lollipops.” Birdie stated.

        Luke laughed, pinching Birdie’s cheek, of course that would be her answer. “fuck, you’re something else, aren’t you?”

        Birdie looked down, away from his eyes, as a flush creeped over her skin. He pulled her to his chest, hand cupping her head as he kept her tight against his body. He enjoyed the feeling of just holding her for a few moments. Finally, he released her, “okay we should probably head out.”

        Birdie nodded and stepped away from Luke. He grabbed her hand and unlocked the door, ushering her to go out first like the gentleman he was. As the two of them re-entered the main bar area, everyone looked up.

        “Wow, that was fast.” Michael mused.

        It was obvious the comment was sexual but on a Michael scale of jokes, one being not sexual at all and ten being him making sexual noises to prove a point, this was probably only a three. But Birdie immediately blushed, squeezing Luke’s hand. He looked at her then turned his stone-cold gaze to Michael, “you better fucking watch it.” Luke warned.

        Michael held up his hands in defense, not used to being on the receiving end of Luke’s death glare.

        “So, you two heading out Angel Face?” Puppy asked, trying to redirect the situation.

        Luke froze at the nick name. Puppy had always called him by that name but most people who knew anything about gangs in their city would recognize the seemingly innocent name. For a moment he was worried Birdie would know the nickname but instead, she was smiling.

        “Aw baby, she calls you Angel Face? That’s so cute!” Birdie grinned, turning to press one palm against Luke’s chest while the other hand came up to pinch at his cheek adoringly. Everyone looked at each other at the term ‘baby.’ Luke may have been many things, hell, they’d even nicknamed him Angel Face (for more sinister reasons but still) and sure, sometimes Puppy called him ‘baby cakes’ in a condescending way, but no one had ever called him just ‘baby.’

        Luke grinned down at her, “you don’t think the name suits me?”

        “It definitely does.” Birdie assured him.

        Calum shifted uncomfortably and Puppy’s jaw dropped. Ashton was the first to laugh but it was quickly cut off by a smack from Puppy who knew her boyfriend was about two seconds away from spilling the real reason Luke was called Angel Face, and it was only half to do with his beautifully angelic features.

        “Want to hear a story about your boyfriend being an idiot?” Puppy asked.

        “Of course!” Birdie smiled, turning to look at Puppy while Luke moved to stand behind her, arms coming to cradle her back to his chest.

        “When I first met Luke and I told him my name, he heard Puppy instead of Poppy so then everyone was calling me Puppy-”

        “Even us.” Calum said, smiling at his girlfriend, adoration obvious in his gaze.

        “But we like nicknames.” Ashton interjected.

        “You like nicknames old man.” Puppy grinned.

        “Is that any way to speak to your daddy?” Ashton scolded, earning him another small smack from Puppy as he giggled and pulled away.

        Luke grinned but he was beginning to get impatient, not wanting to be in the club any longer than he had to, especially since they’d be opening soon. Birdie could sense his growing anxiety, “want to go baby?” she asked.

        He nodded, adoring the fact that she always seemed to know what he was feeling.

        “Well you two love birds have fun,” Michael said as the two excused themselves, “see you at work tomorrow Baby.”

        Luke glared at Michael over his shoulder, about to threaten him, but the giggle that left Birdie’s lips made him smile, immediately forgetting any embarrassment he may have been feeling.

       When they were gone Calum let out a breath, “what a fucking mess.”

---------

Part 4 will HERE

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Oneshot Masterlist

Regular Masterlist

#luke hemmings #luke hemmings smut #gang!5sos #gang!au #gang!luke #gang!luke hemmings #gang luke hemmings #gang luke #5sos #gang 5sos #gang au #au #softforcal #fic #penumbra #angel face x birdie #angel face #birdie #oc #5 seconds of summer #5sos smut #luke 5sos #5sos luke #5sos luke smut #luke 5sos smut #5sos fic #5sos fanfic

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 10

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 5, Last Chapter

Writing Masterlist - for previous chapters not otherwise linked, Read on AO3

Notes (I guess): It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for! Well... I hope so...

Yeah, it took me a month to get this chapter on the road, but... I can’t really be blamed. Well, I can, but let’s be fair, I’m in India right now, I have almost no wifi and I’m mostly relying on data (I ran out of data while writing this and now have to wait forty minutes to get data again... oops...), I managed to get The Schmuel Song from The Last Five Years stuck in my head out of boredom, and really I planned to update much earlier but sometimes... chapters get stuck.

I’m sorry I’m updating this late... I hope the fact that this is the longest chapter yet A N D that something y’all have been waiting for is going to happen will make it up!

As always, all the thanks to @broadwaytheanimatedseries​ for the original idea, to @whatwashernameagain​ for her original story and for being such a sweetheart, and to @winglessnymph​, @asleepybisexual​ and @anony-phangirl​ for all their help, even if it’s just listening to my ideas and giving feedback (you’re all wonderful and I love you so much!)

Tag list (sort of):  @bunny222​, @ab-artist​, @secretlyanxiouspersona​, @your-username-is-unavailable​, @virgilcrofters​, @why-things-go-boom​, @ilovemyspoopydad​, @violetblossem​, @maybe-i-like-the-misery​

(Wanna be tagged? Just lemme know!)

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter is a bit lighter, but keep this in mind.

—————

Saturday, December 21st, 2002

Christmas at the Harris shoebox was never that festive to begin with.

There was always some sort of rush hour-type boost in sales on and off-Broadway, or at least that's how David explained it to Remy when he was younger, so he would only really be home if he only had matinees or if, God forbid, Christmas (either eve or day) fell on a Monday. And Remy was always busy with school, at first with his program in Columbia and then his project at Bronx Science and now…

Well, now was no different. Christmas Eve was going to be on a Tuesday, next Tuesday to be exact, and Remy was too busy reading ahead in his psychology books.

India dropped him off in Manhattan on her way to Johns Hopkins. They got out a day early to go from Boston to Manhattan - Remy didn't have exams that day anyway - and stayed over at Remy's overnight before the second half of the ride. "They", of course, also included India's girlfriend Jenna, who was the one driving. She was a wonderful human being and Remy honestly couldn't believe he never met her before. It felt like they knew each other for ages! (David wasn't happy when two twenty-something year olds crashed on his couch that Sunday night, without warning, but Remy told him they're leaving first thing in the morning. He still wasn't very happy at that, but maybe going with it was the best option here.)

"You know who I ran into on my lunch break today?" Remy raised his head and took off his reading glasses (he was starting to need glasses for more than reading…) to look at his father, who - at eleven forty-five at night - finally got home from tonight's show. "Come on, ask."

"Who did you run into on your lunch break, dad?"

"Do you remember Michelle Tan?"

Of course Remy remembered Michelle Tan. She took chemistry and engineering and always looked down on him as if learning psychology made him less than her. Not to mention that when he showed up to graduation with short hair - his first step towards socially transitioning, really - she kept saying the nastiest things to him about how inappropriate it was.

"What about her?"

"Nothing, she just asked how you're doing." David threw himself on the couch next to Remy, taking off his shoes and opening his shirt in the process. "I said that you're doing alright and that your degree was going okay."

"Oh. Okay."

"...that's all you're going to say? Oh okay?" Remy pulled his shoulders. What else was there to say, really? "Thought you'd be a bit happier that—"

"Dad, Michelle Tan is the one who came to me after graduation and told me that short hair is undignified and that just because I think it makes me more of a boy doesn't mean that I am. Do you really think I'd be that excited about you running into her on your lunch?"

"I didn't know. I had no idea."

"It's okay."

David was working on a new show by Tony Kushner. He promised Remy that he's not going to spoil anything to anyone this time (though let's be honest, he said that about Dancing At Lughnasa in 1991, and Rent in 1996, and…). He stayed out late for the workshop, and barely had any time to care for himself. He never did whenever a new show started.

Remy could forgive him for forgetting stuff.

However, this neglect was absolutely and utterly unacceptable.

"Can you take a day off tomorrow? I mean, it's just the workshop, I doubt Eliza would mind it if you didn't come." David hummed in agreement. "So it's decided. Tell Eliza you're not coming tomorrow. We're gonna, like… do absolutely nothing tomorrow. We'll go somewhere fancy, like that diner on—"

"Since when are pancakes fancy to you, Remy?"

"Since I don't get to eat them anymore because I don't have time and I'm not using boxed mixes, thank you very much!"

"We can go to Hard Rock Cafe."

"Dad, Hard Rock isn't fancy. Sorry to disappoint. I just want to go to Times Square, to be honest…"

And then he turned on the TV and put a recorded episode of South Park. And Remy gave up. He went back to his book, to remember the teacher who made them read Oedipus Rex in English class, to get pissed at Freud who said that all men secretly want to fuck their mothers and called it the Oedipus complex without even knowing (probably) that Oedipus didn't want to fuck his mother but the moment he found that out he stabbed his own eyes out and exiled himself, accompanied by his children, which prompted the start of Oedipus at Colonus and Antigone.

Remy always felt bad for Antigone. But that was a personal issue.

——

"Remy? Remy! Hey, Remy, I'm here, and you're here, and—"

These sort of calls have been going on since about five minutes after David paid for their lunch and he and Remy started making their way to the subway back home. They started right around the… Martin Beck theatre? Yeah, around there. Remy was kind of scared to turn around and look who that is, until his dad told him to, so he did.

Emile was dragging his older sister and her dog behind him and he was getting really close.

"I didn't know you'll be here right now!" Emile's face was flushed, hidden under the hood of his fluffy mustard yellow coat. His glasses were covered in raindrops and all fogged up.

He looked absolutely adorable.

"Sweetie, what are you doing here?" At the hurt face, Remy quickly added "I'm just curious, that's all. Did you bring Mycroft too?"

"Well… no, I didn't. Mycroft stayed home. I can't bring him on holiday vacations. Our neighbors are looking after him, though! They're very nice and they're technically his grandparents! Well, kinda. I got him from a litter their bunnies had. It's a long story. And we were at the Man of La Mancha matinee just now! Julie and I have tickets to The Lion King at seven, and my parents are going to The Full Monty. It's a holiday tradition!"

Well then… hmm…

"Oh, you haven't met my dad yet!" Emile almost started jumping. "You have to—"

Someone tapped on Remy's shoulder. "I thought we're going home, not talking to cute boys on the street?" David asked jokingly.

"Hello, sir! I'm—"

"That's Emile, Dad. He's a friend. I told you about him. And his sister Juliana."

"But she's buying books so we're going to wait for her!" The tiny blond said oh so excitedly. He could never not get excited, it seemed. Remy loved that about him.

"What did you say her name was?" At David's raised eyebrow, Emile started jumping even more.

"Juliana! Yoo-li-a-na. It's Dutch, not English. She's named after our great-grandmother who died in Auschwitz. It's a really sad story, if I do say so myself—"

"Munchkin, we gotta go." The aforementioned woman who just got out of the bookstore grabbed Emile's hand and gave it a short squeeze. Her accent was even harsher than Emile's, but… Remy couldn't complain. He heard her speak before. He met her before. "Remmington, nice to see you again."

"You too, Julie. And Ladybug." At the sound of her name, the dog started wagging her tail quite happily. Remy never got to see her off-duty, but he assumed that this was the closest he'll ever get to.

"Mom and Dad are waiting. You coming or what?"

As the three went away, Emile waving goodbye quite enthusiastically and lending his sister a shoulder to lean on (Remy only recently found out why he did), Remy struggled to find the words to explain to his dad what just happened.

Thankfully, he didn't ask. Instead, David said "so that's your boyfriend, huh?", took his hand and pulled him in the direction of the subway. They still had to get home today.

——

Monday, December 23rd

"So we're staying here until… I think the fifth," Emile rambled on the phone. Sure, it was eleven thirty already, but… free minutes were more important than proper sleep schedules. Not that either of them had any of those. "After that were going to Missouri, my dad is taking me to Glore, you know—"

"I have no idea what Glore is.”

"It's a psychiatric museum. And after that we're going to California! To Disneyland, and then the murder museum."

Emile kept rambling about his plans, and he was so loud, Remy could hear his dad tell him to quiet down a couple of times. He was just so excited, and it was always so endearing…

"So what I'm trying to say is," Emile rambled away. "Would you like to hang out sometime? We could go see a musical! Like, umm… Rent! We can go see Rent! I haven't seen the new cast yet… I heard that Jai Rodriguez is awesome though!"

"I don't know… I can't really afford that—"

"Nonsense! What do you have me for if not for this sort of thing?"

"Remy, either you hang up now and go to sleep so you can deal with your grandparents tomorrow," David grunted from the couch, where he tried to sleep, "or I do it for you."

"Alright, boo, how about the twenty-seventh?"

"Sounds good to me!"

"Okay. Good night, Em."

"Good night!"

Remy didn't tell Emile that he actually saw Rent off-Broadway before. And… didn't exactly like it. Maureen, the only bisexual, was presented as promiscuous and very selfish (though that might've just been her personality, he had no idea, Jonathan Larson died before he could ask him) and Angel, the only character he ever truly identified with - a gay, genderqueer drummer who is HIV+ - is really the only main character to die, leaving the most wonderful and wholesome relationship in the show broken and sad and with a bad ending, while the horribly dysfunctional Roger and Mimi - both also HIV+ - got to have a happy ending.

And really, what type of bullshit was that? Gays have already been so villainized in the media, Remy did not need another one.

But he'd go. Just to be with his best friend. He really wanted to.

"Are you ready for the ride to Jersey?" David asked jokingly. Neither of them was ever truly ready for the six-hour (at best) long ride on the interstate to Red Bank. David's parents were, to say the least, terribly nosy and had no tact. Adding to that the fact that his cousin Gilbert (his aunt and her husband had a terrible taste in names, Remy decided rather early in life) wasn't going to come home for Christmas from his boarding school in Nova Scotia, also known as the only sensible member of the family with whom Remy could actually hold a conversation would not be home for Christmas…

This holiday was going to be a disaster.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

——

Tuesday, December 31st, 2002; 9:54 p.m.

Christmas was horrible. But Emile made it better.

This was how Remy described the holiday on his call to India on the thirty-first.

"What I mean is… you know the feeling when your family is just so bigoted and— yeah, okay, I'm sure you know that feeling." India laughed on the other side of the phone. It made him feel… strangely better. "So, like… my family are horrible, okay. My grandparents are, like, the worst. My grandma can't stop sticking her nose in everyone's business, and like, usually it's fine, it's not that bad, but last week my cousin wasn't home so she had more criticism to give to everyone else so she chose to pick on my sexuality, and like—"

"Pick on your sexuality?"

"She literally said ‘why can't you just be who you were when you were sixteen, you may not carry the family name but you will continue the bloodline'—"

"What twisted mind would say something like that?"

"My grandma, sweetie. This is my grandma."

India actually laughed at that. Remy could hear confused sounds from the other side, which he assumed belonged to that Jackson kid she talked about a couple weeks ago.

"Is she also the type of person who would say that Jenna is a nursing student because she's black and a woman?"

"I wouldn't put it past her to act like Professor McKenna. But anyway. So that's my grandma, and my grandpa is… he's deaf and senile. You can imagine what that's like."

India hummed. "Sounds like a fun holiday."

"Well, after coming back Emile and I went to see Rent. I still hate that musical but it was fun to watch it with him. And my boyfriend only called once like, three days ago. And I mean, rude much?"

"I'll bet. I got to talk to my psychiatrist, and… guess what."

"I'm scared of guessing."

"I'm gonna get my first doses of blockers and estrogen real soon, if everything goes right." Remy tried to avoid the tightness in his chest. "I know, I know… you've been waiting for this too."

"Is it weird that I can't wait to get mine but I'm still scared of when you'll get yours?"

"No, absolutely not. I totally understand. We all have a fear of change, peach. Some of us more than others. But it's going to be such gradual change that you won't even think of it, okay? It's exactly how I explained it to Jackson. Even when I get top surgery, which will probably be the most dramatic change, it's not going to be such a big shock. I promise."

India had to end the call rather quick after that. Apparently some doctor needed to talk to her about some stuff, and he could hear her grit her teeth before saying her goodbyes - the doctor called her "Mr. McGinty" - so it must not have been good.

He had a… sort of date, with Emile, at Times Square later. His sister was going to this bar in Greenwich right after the ball drop, so until then, she said she'd chaperone - as if they needed one. But Nathalie had some rules and stuff so they had to have her around, or else.

Whatever that else would be.

"Dad, I'm going out!" A hum of agreement came from his dad's room. Okay then…

Remy got his bag and his phone, sent a quick text to Chris wishing him a happy new year - he probably wasn't going to see it until Remy pointed it out to him when they got back to Boston - and left.

(He probably should check on his dad, but he was going to be alright. Two and a half years sober now, and he had his cartoons. He was going to be okay.)

——

11:57:11 12 13 14... p.m.

"I'm cold!"

"You're from Minnesota, Emile."

"I don't see your point."

Emile was wrapped in his own yellow coat and Remy's black coat (well, one of his three black coats; this particular one he got on a trip to Disneyland when his dad worked on the national tour of some musical, he already forgot) and was still freezing. How in the…

"Do you want to go to Starbucks and get a hot chocolate?"

"Is Starbucks even open at this hour?"

"There's one on fifteen hundred. It's open twenty-four hours."

"...okay, fine." Remy offered his hand and Emile quickly wrapped his arm around Remy's, allowing him to lead the way.

1500 Broadway wasn't the closest to the ball, but Remy was sure that they could make it there and back.

Maybe it was a bit of wishful thinking, but he was going to be an optimist this time.

11:58:28 29 30 31… p.m.

"We never told Juliana that we're going," Emile muttered through chittering teeth. "My mom is going to be so mad—"

"Emile, babe, calm down. We're almost there."

The huge building was already in their line of sight, and Remy couldn't feel happier. He could totally use a latte right about now, and Emile obviously needed a hot chocolate and a cookie. The poor thing was seconds away from becoming a human icicle.

He didn't want to be responsible for his best friend suffering from hypothermia, after all.

"You see that huge building over there?" Remy couldn't make out if Emile was nodding under all his layers or what.

"What about it?"

"We're gonna go to Starbucks in there, okay?"

"You're an addict, you know that?"

Remy didn't listen. So he liked his Starbucks, so what.

He dragged Emile behind him.

11:59:38 39 40 41… p.m.

The line was moving awfully slow for some reason. Remy had no fucking idea why so many people were at Starbucks so close to the ball drop…

Well, he was being a bit of a hypocrite.

"Can we get something to eat too?" Emile whispered to him, standing on his toes. The black coat from Disneyland was back in Remy's possession. The building was warm enough.

"Sure, why not?"

"Thanks, sweetie!"

Sweetie. Holy shit

"Schmuel would work till half past ten at his tailor shop in Klimovich," Emile sang to himself. Remy remembered that song very well. Norbert Leo Butz had a very… interesting way of singing it.

Then again, he never heard anyone else sing it.

He would ask Emile where he heard that song later.

"Forty-one years had come and gone at his tailor shop in Klimovich—"

"Ten, nine, eight…" oh crap.

Remy grabbed Emile's shoulder, shutting him up momentarily. It took just a couple of moments for either of them to fully realize what was going on before—

They kissed.

If there were fireworks they were blinded by the fluorescent lights and deafened by the loud cheers all around them, but they still kissed.

Kissing his blond was very different from kissing his boyfriend. Not that it felt wrong or anything, just... different. Nothing forced, nothing too overpowering. It was lovely, and sweet, and Emile was as soft as always. Nothing felt wrong there.

Not even the little voice that said that Chris won't like it. He wasn't there. He didn't need to know.

And so, they kissed.

——

Wednesday, January 1st, 2003

00:17 a.m.

"You saw The Last Five Years?" Remy asked, a cup of latte warming his rather freezing hands as he walked Emile back to his hotel (Juliana left them to go to a party in Greenwich Village).

"I didn't go to school for anything but my exams from mid-April. I saw that musical so many times, I kinda lost count."

"Oh, okay. Cool."

#kylo cant write #sanders sides #remy/sleep #emile picani #remile...? remile #keep him safe #sleep is for the weak #the remy centric prequel #tw: period appropriate transphobia

[buddyhollyscurls]

blossom (do all 3), blush, bright, candlelight (or whenever your last dream was), cuddly, cutie pie, daylight, euphoric, fairy, garden, glow, jiggly, kisses, prince, princess, rainbow, starlight, soft, toot, whiffle, wispy (sorry there were just so many questions i liked!!!)

MY DEAREST DIANA U ARE AN ABSOLUTE TREASURE THANK YOU SO MUCH

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?:

favorite book: the pigman series by paul zindel, because of romek by david faber, and the catcher in the rye by jd salinger 

favorite movie: life is beautiful, la strada, coco 

favorite song: ironia by mana, back to black by amy winehouse, i’ve been good to you by the miracles 

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?: when i was about 12? or so my brother got me and my sister a gift card for build a bear workshop lol i got a bunny i named babz she has on a purple sweat suit. i kept the box and her birth certificate but my niece messed them up and lost her jacket when she was a baby :( but i still have babz she sits on my vanity in my room i don’t think i’ll ever be able to give her up. 

bright; mermaids or fairies?: definitely faires i hope to be a fairy in my next life preferably a forest one who is able to make plants grow

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?: the last dream i REMEMBER had something to do with my trying to prevent death?? IDK BLAME GOBLIN I HAD JUST FINISHED WATCHING IT AND IT WAS SERIOUSLY AFFECTED THAT SHOW FUCKED ME UP 

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?: the 60s have always held a huge fascination for me. like i remember i used to love February bc that was when we would talk about the civil rights movement and stuff and through that i remember being like 12 and seeing documentaries about the black panthers and woodstock. 

most precious item you own: i have a lot of those babz is one, i’m a very sentimental person i have a hello kitty box filled with pics friends have given me i have a Berenstain bears book i once put in a time capsule with my sister and brother that we had to dig up super early bc we moved ummm i still have cards and stuff friends have given me one is even from my tenth birthday, drawings my niece has made me, a shoebox full of journals i’ve filled up things like that i feel if i made them or if someone gave them to me they’re super precious. my book and movies as well.

favorite album of all time: tie between back to black or stg peppers 

talk about someone u love: i’m going to talk about my nieces and nephews rn bc i love them so much: adelie is the oldest she’s ten and my favorite person in the whole world. when she was born i took care of her a lot even stopped going to school for about a year so my sister could go and we got so close bc of that she is just so funny and silly and loving i hate that my girl has to grow up i want her to be little forever. next is my nephew Malcolm he’s so energetic and he plays a bit too rough with adelie and his brother and sister but he’s a great big brother he looks out for them and he and adelie get along super well. nicole is next she is an actual angel she is the sweetest girl in this entire planet she is so nurturing and she is super helpful and gentle. and finally my nephew diego. he’s three and the exact clone of my brother i even have this ig post of a side by side photo from when my brother was little they’re wearing red shirts and i stg they even have the same smile. my little man is so cute. when he was born it took a little while for him to warm up to us bc we don’t get the chance to see him as much as we did when adelie was born. but now its a complete 180 sometimes i’ll be walking and he’ll just run up and give me a hug and it makes my heart soar 

fairy; do you have a pet?: sadly i don’t haha i want to have a senior cat or senior dog but that’ll have to wait until i get my own place. hopefully whenever i get into something called a serious relationship we can get a puppy together and raise it together but who knows when that’ll come i don’t want a puppy until then tho

garden; how many languages do you know?: outside english i know spanish and a tiny bit of italian and portuguese just barely tho lol not enough to have a conversation but i can probably pick up a few sentences i want to learn italian portuguese french (that one is SUPER HARD THO FRENCH WTF) and maybe arabic 

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

1: ppl tell me i’m funny

2. i’m really honest 

3. i’m tenacious 

4. i’m very empathetic 

5. for the most part i’m a postive person i’m one of those ppl that are just everyone’s personal cheerleader 

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?: watch movies lmaoooo this weekend alone i saw train to busan, silenced, see you tomorrow, this is not what i expected, turn left turn right, and lust caution. i don’t see movies during the week (during school anyway) so usually all week i try to be like what am i watching this weekend. it’s very rare i willingly make plans over the weekend we can hang out during the week but weekends are for movies.

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?: i am a romantic sap lol i am the cheesiest person i know but for some reason i’m not into cliches i guess like hmmm i guess for me the one i want most is to fall in love with my best friend. like i meet someone and we just click and they make me do the chris evans laugh A LOTand i’m able to open up and just talk with them and gradually one day its like oh snap. so this is the person i’m supposed to be with. tight. 

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?: atrocious. sometimes i can’t even read what i just wrote. but i hear ugly handwriting is a sign of high intelligence so theres that lmaooo. 

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?: uuuuhhh i don’t :((((((((( if i could i wish i could play guitar (i only know a few chords) drums, piano, bass, even the sitar ok brian and george made it look sick af 

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?: “For the first time ever, I think Haddock may have a point, you know.” my mad fat diary by rae earl (if u haven’t seen the show i highly rec it it’s one of my fave ever just a side note)

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?: hey arnold ok don’t even get me started on it i’ll talk forever how great it is even now its just timeless even adults should watch it and i’ve said this before and i’ll say it a million more times helga g pataki is probably one of the most complex, interesting, well written female character EVER on any show i owe craig bartlett my entire life. 

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house: the dining room its huge and its got big windows i love looking out windows so when i write i like sitting at the table to look out every now and then sometimes i’ll just look out that window when i wake up and be like damn its a new day. 

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?: hmmm…. i guess how idealistic i am. and how intense i feel about things. when i was a kid i thought everyone had strong feelings about something and just LOVED things all the time but getting older i realize being passionate about things esp things like books and tv and movies is really………. odd haha. like even now i will type paragraphs about a favorite movie or something that happened in a show and my friends will be like why are u like this. the same goes with how idealistic i am like thought it was normal to have so many things u want to do and see in the world but when i talk to my friends theyre like oh i just never thought about doing that so it makes me feel odd sometimes bc i know i expecet a lot out of life hahahaha. 

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?: either flight or invisibility 

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?: i LOVE san diego and i LOVE california (in spite of how damn expensive it is here) but even when i was little i didn’t see myself living here as an adult with a family. i just always felt like this world is so big why live in one place your whole life. one day i want to live somewhere green and have my farm with my little animals and soccer team of kids haha. like linda and paul mccartney. 

#diana thank you sm for this #these answers are super long #so i'm sorry #lmaoo #but you're a treasure #britneyshakespeare

[wickedreplicant]

GETTING TO KNOW THE MUN

NAME: Nikki

NICKNAME: Nik, Kat 

FACECLAIM: I either use Sailor Mars or my CAW from Samurai Warriors 4 Empires. I made it look close enough to me, except it didn’t have my exact hair color 

PRONOUNS: She

HEIGHT: 152 cm 

BIRTHDAY: September 25

AESTHETIC: Darkness, Ice/Snow, City Lights, Walking through the city late at night, Autumn (and autumn scents), Fire, Water/Ocean, Dimly lit and secluded bars, Dogs and Cats, Studying, Loud Music, Concerts

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Tiamat-Brighter Than the Sun

FAVOURITE MUSE(S) YOU’VE WRITTEN? I can’t single out just one, each of my muses have their own special qualities to me-each have their own significance to me, but lately, I’ve been enjoying writing as Bryan

GETTING TO KNOW THE ACCOUNT

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON THIS MUSE? We have to go back to the time when I was in a sushi restaurant. All you can eat sushi with three friends. A friend saw my Tekken Bullet Club shirt and asked me about Tekken 7, he asked me,”Is Bryan Fury still in?” and I replied,”Yes, but I haven’t come across him in Treasure Battle yet.” Of course right after I said this, came home, and turned the game on, Bryan was my first opponent, and beat me up. His win pose had him hovering over my character (I think I was Hwoarang), pummeling him half to death. I said to myself, yay! a psychopath character! I’m usually drawn to those. Currently, I’m writing a fic, and I was trying to figure out how to add Bryan in. He has connections to many characters and I was trying to figure out how to begin his arc, while researching him. I was attracted to his brutality, his madness, and the science behind his being. I had a very different approach to how to add him in the story in the beginning, one I’m really glad I threw away. I haven’t gotten that far in the fic yet, I haven’t even added Baek and Steve yet! As I tried to figure out how to write Bryan, I looked for fics involved him, and stumbled upon a cute love story between him and Sergei Dragunov. They seemed to be a fairly popular pairing. I really liked how Bryan was portrayed, and that’s what influenced me the most. I said to myself, that’s the Bryan I want. He’s a tyrannical maniac, but he also has feelings. He struggles with his conflicting feelings of wanting to love, wanting to protect, wanting to be human, while realizing, he’s still a monster, and he’s met another monster, who seems interested enough. Basically, the fic was; Sergei bought Bryan a drink, and Bryan’s panties dropped. In a more nicer way, of course :p 

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE? For my OC: She’s unhinged and unfiltered. She says and does whatever’s on her mind, but she’s also homesick after making mistakes that caused her to flee her country. For Zhuge Dan, his mistakes are costly, he never seems to see the big picture in front of him, he struggles through his insecurities, he always comes up short no matter how much he tries and tries, and eventually gets rejected by both the Jin and Wu kingdoms, dying in battle. Nouhime, well, I can be as sensuous as I’d like, she’s a very dark and sexy character who is also unhinged and mildly curious about human behavior. She’s married to a husband who toys with her curious mind for his own amusement. Zhang Xingcai, I really just wanted angsty RP’s with her husband Liu Shan. Ginchiyo Tachibana, she’s my favorite Samurai Warriors character, she’s a boss ass babe decked in full armor using her father’s lightning sword, she’ll kill you ten times before you hit the ground, has a wonderful and hilarious relationship with her husband, and despite being such a hard ass, she’s tsundere as fuck. Hwoarang is an emotional wreck, I’ve taken liberties into writing him as a boy who’s lost everything he’s ever cared about, and, his reactions as the world crumbles around him. In canon, I like his badassness, his design, and also we’re both Taekwondo students. For Bryan, I like his brutality. I like his madness, I like how he doesn’t give a single fuck about anything. He can also be kind of adorable. I guess when you see things the way Bryan does, the characters become more relatable. 

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING? My mutuals! The more threads and questions thrown at me, the more I have to write about. With Tekken, other than the Mishimas, most characters aren’t that fully developed. Bryan is merely just a machine that lives for the thrill, I want to go beyond that, As I’ve mentioned before, I want to write him as a man who struggles between his human side and his mechanical side. He has emotions, he’s been hurt, betrayed, he knows how dirty the world can be. But he wants to connect with people (his wiki actually says that he prefers solitude, but I headcannon him with abandonment issues-I mean he did get really upset and pissed off when Dr. Abel left him). I think one of the biggest inspirations is trying to figure out just who the hell Bryan Fury really is. 

FAVOURITE TYPES OF THREADS: Absolutely angst. Bryan Fury is not a happy person, he probably never will, he suffers, he hurts, he kills, he destroys, but deep down, he’s a man that’s been hurt. I want angst threads with Lei never returning his feelings and dying in Lei’s arms, I want them to reconnect and Lei is disgusted by his madness. I want Sergei and Bryan to fall in love and Bryan struggles with his insecurities, while trying to manage a relationship when he’s so misanthropic. I can do fluffy, too, I’m versatile. It’s smut I’m a little leery about. Sure, I’m of age, but the last time I tried to do smut with another RP blog, the mun got a little too attached and it was hard for them to differenciate reality and rp. Kinda turned me away from those kind of threads. I mean we can work through anything, I’m up for anything, but I prefer angst over anything else. 

BIGGEST STRUGGLE IN REGARDS TO YOUR CURRENT MUSE: Going too OOC with Bryan. We all know he’s the lovable monster who lives to maim and kill. He wouldn’t care about Lei not liking him, he probably doesn’t give two shits about Sergei, and he’d probably prefer to live out the rest of his days alone. He’s an undead cyborg without emotions, but I don’t like his person just being that. I want to show the struggle, I want to show his feelings, his emotions, see the world through his eyes, see how and why he became the person that he is. He’s complicated, but he doesn’t have much development beyond the guy that kills things for shits and giggles. I guess it helps that both Bryan and I see the world in similar ways, same thing with Hwoarang. They’re my muse babies, and I try to put my views on both of them. 

TAGGED BY: @a-beast-of-prey thanks luv! 

TAGGING: You! Have at it :) 

#ask the mun #ooc/ic

[reversed-hierophant-blog]

35 facts about velvet!

buckle in lads because this got long

velvet welch is, if you haven’t guessed, not japanese! wow, surprising, i know. they were born in the united states, and moved to tokyo about a year and a half ago. they’re of white, syrian, and libyan descent— mostly syrian, though, although i don’t have the exact percentages figured out. 

their family is christian— southern baptist, specifically.  velvet is not, even though they were raised baptist. however, they are extremely spiritual. 

(velvet welch isn’t their birth name btw, but it is the name they have listed on all of their official japanese papers. they’d really prefer if you don’t try to pry and figure out what their dead name is.)

fun fact: i got their name from an old 90s instructional video teaching old people how to use the internet. i’m not joking. this was yuro’s idea.

they’re from myrtle beach, south carolina! as the name suggests, it’s a beach town. and as that implies, they love the ocean? it’s like home to them. i could go on and on with this fact alone because i may or may not have been self indulgent and plopped them in a city i’ve visited multiple times a year for like, the past ten years of my life, but. 

velvet’s family consists of their parents and their eleven-year-old sister, rachel! she really looks up to them, and they used to babysit her when she was younger. they’re really good with kids, which is surprising for a lex character.

velvet makes friendship bracelets when they’re bored, anxious, or trying to relax. it’s something they picked up when they were fourteen— their sister wanted to try it out, and velvet (as her babysitter) ended up getting into it as well. she eventually grew out of it (after like, a couple months), but velvet still enjoys it. they usually wear a bunch of bracelets, and will carry around half-finished ones. it calms them down. they will make bracelets for your oc. 

this is the important one, guys: they have a pet cockatoo. she’s going into the game with them because she’s kind of a handful and they didn’t feel right leaving her with their flatmates. her name is felt. she’s basically a small child and velvet adores her. good birb. 

oh yeah, they’re sharing an apartment with some friends, i may or may not make a separate post about them at a later date. 

they love animals in general (and i mean looooooove), and have always grown up around them. their parents have two dogs, their other friends have a bunch of cats, they had a hamster growing up, and they’d really like getting more pets in the future once they have a bigger living space.

velvet is a huge furry, and their fursona is a goat! one of these days i’ll draw it. also hashtag kinfeels. this is why you’ll see me calling them the goat kid a lot, btw. 

their first job was working at a candy store! they love sugar tbh. they’re especially fond of things like sour gummi worms and ring pops, but they like most sweets in general.

they also really love soft serve ice cream! like, a lot. there’s a place on the boardwalk that boasts over 100 flavors of soft serve, and it’s their aesthetic. they especially like chocolate soft serve dipped in a cherry shell!

they wear those LED light up sneakers. like. these

they’re a capricorn! i’m planning on filling out a natal chart for them soon. i associate them with the hierophant card, followed by the devil, the high priestess, and the star! 

they fucking love cool ass rocks. they’re also a steven universe fan. i think their favorite rocks are bismuth, any kind of quartz (especially aura quartzes), opal, and amethyst? i have no idea what their gemsona is yet.

they have four piercings— both ears, a septum, and a medusa! they’ve considered getting more. if they were to get more, they’d probably want a bridge piercing, a labret (maybe? that or snake bites, but not both), and/or probably some extra ear piercings. not sure if they’d go for an industrial bar there but [shrugs]

they've recently been trying to learn how to cook, with varying degrees of success. they’re not bad just..... still in the process of learning. and they’re fairly forgetful

[ear trauma implied?] velvet suffers hearing loss in their left ear and wears a hearing aid! 

they love glitter. especially in their makeup. they’re also the kind of person that’ll wear cute little stickers on their face for fun. they also like rainbow sprinkles and confetti

they follow a bunch of stimming accounts on instagram? they’ve made slime for themself before, and really like that kind of stuff in general. they like slime and frosting stuff more than kinetic sand and paints, though.

they own a bunch of decks, including:

the starchild tarot (which i desperately want)

the 1980s tarot deck 

the hardy tarot deck

the golden thread tarot

tbh i can’t decide between this, this, or this so i might just say they have all three

they also have the food fortunes deck but that one isn’t an actual tarot deck. it was a holiday gift

their hogwarts house is hufflepuff, and their god tier is the seer of light! yeah, they’re rose lalonde. they’re also an ESFP, a chaotic good, sanguine, and enneagram 2w3 (the giver)! they’re right-handed, type B blood, and yes i’m throwing all of the cheap facts together in one slot.

they know english and japanese! their japanese isn’t perfect, and sometimes they don’t make sense, but they’re trying. they also know ASL, but don’t practice it often, so they’re not that great at it. 

i feel like their handwriting would be similar to the woodlands? in english, they write in cursive! 

they love sweet tea. i don’t get it. i live in the south and i fucking hate sweet tea. but, in general, tea is their drink of choice? whether its iced or hot! herbal teas are super nice too, but you gotta be in the right mood for them, y’know? otherwise, they like strawberry lemonade.

alright lets break out the musical aus because you know i love them:

in hamilton, they’d be john laurens

in heathers, they keep accidentally being JD when I AU with sieves, but in all honesty they’d probably be ms fleming

reefer madness? jimmy harper

(”what musical do you associate the most with them, lex?” ha ha, well, that’s a secret)

i mentioned this in my earlier post, but they currently live in ikebukuro! they love the city aesthetic, almost as much as they love the boardwalk aesthetic. 

they’re also a huge fan of like.... idk how to describe it but? they like kitschy cheap tourist-trap souvenir shops with bright neon hoodies advertising the city (side note— they fucking hate that tan / pale blue “life is better at the beach” style of home decor. hate it. their parents love it.). on this note, the gay dolphin. it’s legendary. truly a landmark in myrtle beach. 

and they like... i don’t know how to describe this flavor of psychic advertisement. they also really love miss cleo commercials. because i love miss cleo. they also binge watch old 90s commercials sometimes. because i binge watch old 90s commercials sometimes. they also like that old VHS tape aesthetic. and neons. 

they prefer animated movies and tv shows tbh, and cry over them a lot. their favorite movies include howl’s moving castle, song of the sea, zootopia, and bee movie finding nemo? all animation is good tho. they also really love pokemon!

they’re kinda lowkey goth. on the inside. they went through a (closeted, as best as they could do when their parents would kill them if they get scenekid hair) scene phase when they were younger (it was kind of embarrassing in hindsight), and a lot of their friends are goth, so they still really appreciate the subculture, even if their everyday style is more colorful and floral and obnoxiously neon at times. on occasion, they’ll get dressed up in something trad, but...

they absolutely hate feeling stuffy and restricted in their clothes— you’d be hard pressed to catch them dead in a button-up shirt and trousers and a sportcoat. not happening unless the suit is bright pink or otherwise fun. 

they keep a dream journal! i hate that this became a popular meme.

they’re gay  (...pansexual and very polyamorous, to be exact, and prone to getting crushes on their friends and being super affectionate in general but. gay)

#ooc #velvet information

[sassmill]

Do all those ask things 1-104

I saw this comingASK ME THINGS1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Hello Reese, how did I get here exactly 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?Lmfao she jokingly told people we were dating and liked to hold my hand and mentions the kiss way too much and shit but she never explicitly expressed actual interest in a real relationship and she kept telling me about girls she was talking to on tinder and asking me for relationship advice but I don't have time to play games and she graduated so who the fuck knowsThe kiss was for acting class but she was way too handsy with me outside of class for it to be just a stage kiss and by the end of the semester I was just kind of annoyed 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?If we're talking the good kush then no but other stuff yes4. Is your last name longer than six letters?Yeet5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Well my character was an alcoholic and the girl kissing me had just finished pouring beer into my mouth So "Tilly" was drunk but I was not 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Lmao give me till the end of the summer before I answer this (that's a big fuckin joke because I'm a pussy and won't do anything)7. What does your last received text say?TRUE8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?idk I think we did the scene full out a total of three times9. Where was your last kiss at?The black box theater on campus10. When is the last time you saw your sister?Sometime before she went to bed idk time is a human construct 11. What do you drink in the morning?Coffee 12. Where did you sleep last night?My bed 13. Do you think relationships are hard?Just because something takes effort doesn't mean it has to be hard 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Done my fuckin employment paperwork for camp a hell of a lot sooner 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?UGH having to have an actual conversation and not being able to diffuse everything with humor like I usually do 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Rainy I am so unbelievably pale 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?Yes my fuckin dorm neighbor all this past year had the exact first AND middle name as me it was fuckin weird18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?Haha joke's on you I don't wear pants to bed if I don't have to 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?You know I sure fuckin hope so because I'm actually starting to lose my mind 20. Does anyone like you?Platonically I'm popular for once and it's working well for me so I'm gonna pretend that that's what this question is asking me 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?Nope22. Is the last person you kissed gay?She's not straight 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?SEVERAL 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?A lot but I'm impulsive and afraid of commitment so I know that any choice I make I will probably regret 25. In the past week have you cried?Haha more like how many weeks has it been since I haven't cried26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Friendo (mutt)27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?Idk I kinda do a combo I move while drying 28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Oh honey not my gay ass29. Do you think you’re old?I've been told I'm an old soul and I've personally felt like a 46 since I was about 1330. Do you like text messaging?Since I struggle with verbal communication (that isn't rehearsed like a script is), YES31. What type of day are you having?Went to IKEA and the hardware store then went home and felt hopeless about a married woman so all in all pretty gay32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Not really I'm all for body modification but for myself piercings freak me out33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Cold this is literally logical because I can't remove my skin when it's too hot but I can put on a fucking sweater when it's cold 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?I LOVE MY ACTING TEACHER CLAIR SO FUCKING MUCH HE IS A BRIGHT LIGHT AND I DONT THINK I WOULD'VE DONE SO WELL THIS YEAR WITHOUT HIM35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?fuck I meanRealistically a relationship But I passed desperate when I joined a sugar baby website so I'll take a fuckin fling at this point36. Are you a simple or complicated person?I'm like what would happen if you tried to put together IKEA furniture for the second time without the manual and you have a little too much confidence in yourself because you pulled it off fine the first time with the instructions but you quickly realize you need help and then everything just turns into screaming 37. What song are you listening to?Literally erotic asmr videos judge me if you want I've lost the ability to care38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Honey if I ain't sorry your ass isn't getting an apology 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?The fuckin cheese monster 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?Holy shit do I even want to get into thisTrick question the answer is yesSo I've known this woman for over ten years and have been getting increasingly close with her for sixIn the past four years is when I've fallen for her and let me tell you in all honesty: it started as a hate fuck fantasy. I used to hate her so so much. AND THEN I realized I was gay and Things Changed ™ plot twist: she's actually an incredible person who helped me build up my confidence and feel proud of my sensuality and yeah I think I've been solidly in love with her for two years now but she is married to a man so fuck me rightShe's also twice my age which has lead me into some deep self loathing shit it's complicated and I'm still working through it 10/10 would not recommend She did call me her flirty girl tho at least I'll always have that whatever the fuck it's supposed to mean41. When did you last receive a text message?12:12 am which is about half an hour ago 42. What is wrong with you right now?We don't have time for this I can assure you 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Well first of all I pretty much text only females, so jot that downAnd I mean god how long have we been friends Reese I think I know you fairly well for an Internet friend I know about your true feelings for bowser so 44. Does anyone disgust you?Jesus don't even fucking get me started 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Yes are you sensing a theme here46. Are you in a good mood right now?Eh47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My father48. What color shirt are you wearing?Grey49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?That I have my permit test tomorrow lmao50. Anyone you’re giving up on?I mean people change so fuckin give it time51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?See number 4052. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?NOPE when I decide I'm done I'm fuckin done 53. Do you like rain?Ye54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Within reason 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?See 4056. Do you like to cuddle?Yes fuck57. Are you shy?Not really I mean I have a variety of facades for when I'm insecure so58. Do you get along with girls?I'm gay59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Yeah what a memelord60. What do you carry with you at all times?My dark past with the musical Cats61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?My dude I already volunteer in one for free you bet your ass I'd jump at the chance to get paid to deal with ghosts for onceI'd have a lot more patience with the Puritan minister calling me a witch because I'm a woman who speaks out of turn if I was making money 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I'm a very adaptable person so I should hope so63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Nope64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Well when she kisses me on the cheek I die inside so I'm gonna go with probably 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?Ashlinn and Kristina reaffirm my belief in the existence of love every day and that's the cutest thing ever66. How old are the last three people you kissed?25, 19, 18 but honestly none of them count so?67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? I'm cheap and don't like physical contact or intimacy with strangers so you do the math68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Leopard 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? My dude I don't even have a license 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Who71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? I'm posting this via carrier pigeon so72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? Idk whenever the last buskin society party was 73. Do you like diet soda? Only Diet Pepsi 74. What color are the walls in your room? This really awful green color that my parents painted it when my youngest siblings were sharing it (a "gender neutral" color)75. Are you 16 or older? Yeet76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? Ugh I watched two whole seasons and still couldn't find a way to care77. Do you have a job? I have three technically but two are summer and one is at school 78. What are your initials? EVG79. Did you ever have braces? For five fucking years plus other shit to fix my overbite 80. Are you from the south? God no 81. What does your last status on facebook say? If You Notice A Beautiful Purple Thing On The Sand This Summer, Run Away Immediately 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Yeah see I haven't had a real kiss yet so 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Idk I mean I think I get along better with my dad but that's just because I am literally exactly like my mother 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Oh god yup both I dropped a girl on her head 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? I think it was Get Out86. Do you smoke? Carol Aird Taught Me How To Hit A Blunt At Two AM On A Softball Field 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heels88. Is your phone touch screen? If I touch the pigeon it bites me89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? This is a joke my hair has absolutely zero natural texture 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? I'm bland 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool I get anxiety from nature have you ever seen Scooby Doo and the Loch Ness Monster?92. Have you ever made out in a car? No93. …Had sex in a car?I'm really bitter right now94. Are you single or in a relationship? Really 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?I think I was crying 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? A couple months ago just randomly. My school is down the road from an amusement park. 97. Do you like the camera on your phone? I guess98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? No99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? I am a heavyweight mom friend so no100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Yup101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? I'm gay102. Name your favorite Kesha song: I fux wit Your Love is My Drug103. Do you have any tan lines right now? I have the minimum amount of melanin a person can have without actually being albino I am physically incapable of tanning104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? Fashion is a societal construct