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whatacaitastrophe · 2 months

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Just About Snapped

Summary: Gale stands up to Mystra when she summons him to the Stormshore Tabernacle and is so jacked up on Mountain Dew after that public sex ensues. (he’s not drinking mountain dew i’m just quoting talladega nights)

Rating: Explicit 18+

Pairing: Gale x Tav (Female)

AO3 Link: Here

Warnings: Public Sex, Oral Sex, PiV Sex, Porn with Plot, inappropriate use of Arcane Lock, time works the way I say it works, let me live, You've heard of Astarion fucking on his own grave, but have you considered: Gale fucking on an altar dedicated to Mystra as a fuck you?

When Elminster showed up the moment they walked out of Sorcerer’s Sundries with The Annals of Karsus in Gale’s pack, Fallon had to laugh. The goddess of magic had all but ignored Gale for more than a year, and now she was sending Elminster on her behalf twice in the span of a fortnight; and this time, she wanted to speak to Gale herself.

“How could she possibly know we read a book?” Fallon asked Gale once Elminster departed.

“Trust me, by even opening the book containing the type of magic The Annals of Karsus contains, we basically set off a giant firework that spelled out ‘look at me, Mystra!’ Trust me. She knows.” Gale explained bitterly.

Fallon reached for Gale’s hand, squeezing it softly. “If you don’t want to go see her, we don’t have to. You don’t owe her anything, Gale.”

“No, this conversation is long overdue. On both sides. It shouldn’t take long.” He sighed.

According to Gale, time worked differently in the Outer Planes, and he should only be gone for a matter of seconds, even if his conversation with Mystra lasted hours for him.

That was almost three hours ago.

Had Mystra manipulated time so however much time passed for her and Gale, also passed here, on the mortal plane of existence? Honestly, with how vindictive she was, Fallon wouldn’t put it past Mystra to do something like that. The goddess had been watching them, so clearly she knew that Gale was romantically involved with someone else. Hells, she’d probably known since the moment Fallon and Gale played in the Weave together in the early days of their journey together. After all, Fallon hadn’t been subtle by imagining kissing Gale. Was she such a bitter scorned ex-lover that she would drag this out, just to fuck with Fallon as well?

Somehow, Fallon wouldn’t put it past her.

“What if she’s done something to him?” Fallon wondered aloud frantically as she began to pace in front of the statue of the goddess she did not serve.

“I highly doubt that,” Astarion mused as he picked at some dirt beneath his fingernails. “Based on what the old codger said, it sounds like she needs something else from Gale since he refused to blow himself up.” The vampire was sitting on the floor of The Stormshore Tabernacle beneath the statue of Selune next to Shadowheart, a position they’d taken after Gale had been gone for five minutes. That was about how long it took for them all to realize that even if Gale thought the conversation shouldn’t take long, Mystra might have other ideas.

They’d been waiting for Gale to come back from the Outer Planes for so long that the sun was setting on Baldur’s Gate. Another half hour went by, and Astarion and Shadowheart had begun looking at each other skeptically. Fallon wouldn’t put it past the two of them to be communicating mind to mind via the tadpole connection. She stopped pacing, folded her arms across her chest, and stared at the cleric and the vampire. “If you want to leave, you can. I’ll be fine.”

If Gale didn’t come back soon, Fallon was not going to be fine, not even close, but if hearing her say that she would be fine was the permission her friends needed to assuage their guilt for wanting to leave, then Fallon would tell them what they wanted to hear. Shadowheart looked at Fallon, a soft look in her eyes. “He knows where to find us, Fallon. I’m sure he’ll come straight home once–”

“I’m not leaving.” Fallon interrupted, her tone short and she glared at her friend for even suggesting it.

“Let it go, Shadowheart. She’ll come back when she’s ready. With or without Gale.” Fallon hated the look on Astarion’s face, because he clearly thought Gale wasn’t coming back. Not tonight, and perhaps not at all. Fallon frowned as she took a seat beneath the statue of the goddess of magic.

“I’m not leaving.” She repeated simply. Astarion raised his hands in defeat, and Shadowheart shook her head, but the two of them left all the same.

Another half hour went by.

What if Astarion was right? What if Gale wasn’t coming back? Had they made a huge mistake by heeding Elminster’s request and coming here? From everything Gale had told Fallon about the archmage, she had no reason to believe that he would willingly lead Gale into a trap. However, there was every reason to believe that Mystra wouldn’t send Elminster to fetch Gale under false pretenses just to get Gale to the Outer Planes.

It was dark outside when the cleric overseeing the temple approached Fallon. “I am departing for the evening, madam. You are, of course, welcome to stay as long as you like, but it will be just you and the gods until your friend returns.” He offered Fallon a gentle smile and placed a hand on her shoulder. A warm feeling flooded Fallon’s body as a soft golden light emitted from the cleric’s palm.

“A blessing, to keep you safe while you wait.”

Somehow Fallon doubted she would be attacked here, but if she were, it wouldn’t be the strangest place the Absolutists ambushed her recently, so she was grateful for the blessing all the same. Fallon nodded in thanks to the cleric as she pulled her knees in towards her chest and rested her head on them as she wrapped her arms around herself as he used his magic to dim the lights. If she was going to be here all night, she might as well try to get some sleep.

Within minutes of the cleric’s departure, there was a flash of purple light and Fallon’s head snapped up. Gale, her sweet, wonderful Gale, came tumbling out of a portal with such force that Fallon couldn’t help but wonder if Mystra had physically shoved him out, or if he’d been leaning against something and she moved it out from under Gale to send him back. At the sight of him, relief flooded her body and Fallon let out a strangled sob as she shot to her feet and ran to embrace Gale.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. I’m here,” Gale said softly into her hair as he held her tightly, running one of his hands over the back of her head as he held her tight with the other. “I’m here.”

Fallon lifted her head to look at Gale, searching his eyes for an explanation. “What the hells happened, Gale? You were gone all day.”

His voice was bitter as he kissed her forehead. “I know, Mystra told me as much before sending me back. I hate that she took out her ire with me on you like that.”

Fallon looked up at Gale, refusing to let him go. “I had a feeling it might not be going well based on how long you were gone.”

“That’s certainly one way of putting it,” Another bitter laugh left Gale’s mouth. He kissed the crown of Fallon’s head and rested his chin atop it as she rested her cheek against his chest. “Would you believe me if I told you she seemed more upset about my relationship with you than she was about our plans for The Crown of Karsus?”

Fallon scoffed and poked his side playfully. “Be serious, Gale.”

“I am being serious, Fallon,” Gale squirmed as she poked a slightly ticklish spot, and it gave him a reason to pull back from her enough to look at Fallon as he continued. “You’ve shown me that love isn’t transactional, or something one has to constantly prove they are worthy of receiving, and because of that, I’ve openly defied Mystra’s direct marching orders. Twice. First by not detonating the orb at Moonrise Towers, and again the moment I decided the Crown of Karsus was not Mystra’s to control. The bruises I left on her ego are far more devastating to her than the thought of my becoming her equal will ever be.”

Fallon reached up and cupped the side of Gale’s face in her hand. “This goes without saying, but I am very proud of you for standing up to her. I don’t think the Gale Dekarios that I pulled out of the broken sigil in a rock would have been able to. You’ve come a long way, Gale.”

Gale smiled as he covered Fallon’s hand with his own and leaned forward to press his forehead against hers. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” He leaned in and kissed her the way she’d imagined in the Weave the night he’d invited her to play with magic early on in their courtship: slowly at first, then with passion. Fallon sighed into his mouth as she parted her lips for him and slid her tongue against his lower lip, and he responded in kind with a soft moan as his hands gripped her hips. They were moving, and when Fallon felt a hard surface against her backside she broke the kiss to take in her surroundings. Gale had maneuvered their bodies in such a way that Fallon was now leaning against the edge of the altar dedicated to none other than Mystra herself. A sly grin spread on her face as she turned her attention back to Gale, and she was met with an equally devilish loon in her wizard’s eyes.

Fallon did not need to ask or peer into his mind with the connection their tadpoles afforded them to know what Gale wanted, or what he intended to do, and Fallon was suddenly very grateful she’d chosen to wear the deep blue grecian wrap dress that Figaro at Facemaker’s had talked her into purchasing. The idea of potentially being caught shot a thrill through Fallon’s body, but thanks to the dress, at least this way some of her modesty would be preserved if that ended up being the case.

Gale’s mouth moved from her lips to her neck and across her shoulder, and Fallon braced herself on the altar’s edge with her hands as she sighed approvingly. His exploration of her body continued south as Gale pressed his face directly between her breasts to kiss her sternum while one of his hands deftly slipped beneath the fabric to toy with her breast before pushing the fabric to the side just far enough for Gale to capture her exposed flesh in his mouth. Fallon moaned as she felt Gale’s tongue roll over the peaked bud before he bit down gently, then soothed the spot with his tongue once more. There was little urgency in the way Gale moved as his other hand slipped between her legs and he pressed his fingers against her core over the cloth, and Fallon whimpered.

“Gale…time is not really on our side here...” Fallon reminded him. Though if she were being honest, her pleading tone had nothing to do with the potential of getting caught and everything to do with her need for Gale to give her more than just teasing touches.

Gale released her breast from his mouth and looked at her with a look of innocence on his face that did not reach his eyes. No, there was nothing but pure mischief residing in the expressive brown hues she’d come to adore with everything she had. Fallon’s heart flipped in her chest, and her knees wobbled under his gaze. “Whilst I am not worried about any late night intruders, I see where your concerns lie, so allow me to make an offering as a gesture to your comfort.” Gale removed his hand from between her legs and waved it precisely in the direction of the front door of the Stormshore Tabernacle, and Fallon heard the faint clicking sound of the lock falling into place.

“There. Though, I will say, any person capable of breaking through the Arcane Lock I just placed on the door would be rather deserving of the opportunity to witness me worship a goddess far more worthy of my devotion than any other deity in this temple.” Gale sank to his knees, spreading Fallon’s legs to settle between them and parting the folds of her dress to expose her lower half to the elements. Fallon gathered the excess fabric in her hand and rested it on the altar behind her so it pooled at the goddess of magic’s feet, and Fallon had honestly never felt more powerful.

Gale’s hands roamed up her legs and thighs until they reached her undergarments. Without a word, Gale hooked his fingers beneath the hem and tugged them down to her ankles and carefully lifted each of Fallon’s feet so he could remove them. They were soaked with her arousal, and Gale smirked as he took notice before tucking the evidence into the pocket of his robes, but he said nothing.

“I’m surprised Gale, you normally have something to say about the state I’m in when you take off my clothes. No waxing poetic, today?” Fallon teased, unable to recall the last time her normally verbose wizard was so silent.

Gale looked up at her, his smirk still very much present on his face as he reached for her leg to drape it over his shoulder. “Do you mind, Fallon? I’m trying to pray.”

Fallon opened her mouth to make a snappy retort, but the words died in her throat and were replaced with moan; for no sooner had he asked for her silence, she felt Gale’s mouth against her center as he licked a long stripe before closing his mouth around her clit and lavishing it with his tongue. She whispered an expletive and gripped the edge of the altar, her knuckles white with effort as Gale devoured her, his strong hands gripping her thighs to hold her in place.

Fallon’s head fell back as she whimpered with pleasure. She opened her eyes for a moment, and Fallon could have sworn the statue of Mystra was looking down at her with a glare. Whether that was actually the case or not, Fallon stuck her tongue out at the statue in a taunting manner anyway. Knowing Gale loved Fallon enough not only to defy Mystra was enough to make her feel a little smug, but the fact that Gale loved her so deeply that he was willing to commit sins of the flesh with her against an altar devoted to his ex-lover? Mystra could come down from Elysium and smite them where they stood (or kneeled, Gale’s case), and Fallon would die a happy woman.

Gale slid two fingers inside of her and she stifled another moan, raising her hips toward the wizard, urging him to go deeper. Instead, Gale stopped what he was doing and lifted his head to look up at her as she made a noise of disapproval. “My love, why are you holding back?” He asked her before kissing her inner thigh.

“I didn’t want to disturb your prayers.” Fallon goaded him.

Gale raised an eyebrow at his lover and pressed another kiss to her inner thigh as his fingers began slowly moving inside of her again. “That your voice is not echoing off the walls of this temple means I’m not praying hard enough, dearest. I can’t have any of the other deities questioning my devotion to you, now can I?”

With that, Gale went back to work, lapping at her clit with his tongue and his fingers moved inside of her. Fallon moaned, and this time, she did not hold back, her sounds of approval only pushed Gale forward. He began to devour her cunt eagerly, almost desperately until the only word Fallon knew how to say was his name. When Fallon finally came, her vision blurred as she cried out in ecstasy, legs shaking as she clung to the altar beneath her for support. Gale remained dutifully between her legs with his mouth and fingers touching her until the spasms subsided and he was certain she’d been fully satisfied. Then Gale was on his feet and fumbling with his trousers beneath his robes and Fallon watched hungrily as his erection sprang free when Gale pushed his trousers down just far enough to release his cock.

Fallon moved to reach for Gale’s cock, ready to drop to her knees for the wizard and return the favor, but Gale shook his head, bracing her shoulder with the hand not gripping his cock to keep her in place. “As much as I adore the vision of you taking me in your mouth for all the gods to see, I’d much rather them watch me fuck you against this altar, if that’s alright?”

Fallon’s jaw went slack as she stared at Gale, his eyes dark and desperate with need for her, and she couldn’t help but let out a single, short laugh. “That is…more than alright,” Fallon hooked one of her legs around Gale’s hip and tugged him closer, taking his length in her hand and positioning it at her entrance. “Show them all how good you make me feel. How good we look together.”

Gale groaned as he kissed Fallon, pushing inside her quickly with a snap of his hips. Fallon shuddered with pleasure as Gale filled her, and she wrapped her other leg around his hip, pushing him deeper inside of her. Gale leaned down to kiss and bite her neck, moaning as he started thrusting his hips, setting a rough pace. “Gods, Gale, I love how well you fuck me,” Fallon moaned, removing her hands from the edge of the altar to wrap them around Gale’s neck and threaded her fingers through his hair. “You’re doing so well, my love.”

Fallon was balancing precariously on the edge of the altar now, and she held on tightly to Gale to keep from slipping. Mercifully, Gale took notice of this fact and in one swift movement, he lifted her up and away from the altar, the skirt of her dress cascading down around her, and she whined at the loss of him as Gale’s cock slipped out of her as they moved. Fallon thought Gale might be relocating them to the wall next to Mystra’s altar, but instead, Gale carefully sank to his knees and gently laid Fallon on the temple floor.

The cool stone was welcome against the heat of her body, and she released Gale’s hips from the grasp of her legs, settling them on either side of him. Fallon looked up at Gale with a look of pure adoration. “I love you. More than you’ll ever know.” She reminded him, and Gale smiled at her in return.

Her wizard leaned forward and kissed her slowly. When he was ready, he pulled away from their kiss and pressed his forehead against Fallon’s. “You are the most magnificent woman I have ever had the great pleasure of knowing. To know you love me, and how much I love you in return…there will never be a greater feeling in the universe.”

Gale kissed her again as he repositioned himself between her legs and slid back home, his pace slower than before, deeper. This man wasn’t just fucking Fallon in front of an altar dedicated to his ex, he was making love to her: likely in a way he never got to experience with Mystra, if the stories he’d shared were any indication. The love she and Gale shared was the kind of love only mortals would ever understand. It was world-shattering, soul-bonding, life-altering love that many people would never be able to claim they’ve experienced, and Fallon felt like the luckiest woman in the world to have found that type of love in Gale.

The only sounds echoing off the walls of the temple now were those of their collective moans, and Fallon clung to Gale has she could feel her second orgasm in the edges of her body, rising quickly to the surface. “Gale— I’m not going to last much longer.” Fallon pleaded.

“Let go, dearest, I’ve got you.” Gale encouraged as his own movements became more erratic with each thrust.

“I want to go with you. Together.” Fallon requested and all Gale could do was nod as he picked up the pace.

Within moments, Fallon came with Gale’s name on her lips and he followed mere seconds behind her. They rode out the high together, holding each other close as they moved, until each of them had nothing left to give and Gale collapsed on top of her with a deep kiss.

Fallon couldn’t help but giggle into his mouth, smiling about what they’d just done. “Do you think when we go to the House of Hope that Raphael will just go ahead and show us to our room? Because surely we’ve just secured our spots in Avernus when we die for what we’ve just done.”

Gale laughed with her, and he kissed her nose. “Worth it.”

When they finally returned to the suite at The Elfsong Tavern, before anyone could ask about where Gale had been, Astarion took one look at them and made a disgusted sound. “Oh my gods, the two of you had sex in that bloody temple didn’t you?”

Fallon’s jaw slackened and Gale looked at Astarion guilty.

“How did you—“

“Even if you didn’t reek of sex, darling, go look in the mirror.”

Fallon immediately rushed to the closest mirror and gasped when she took in her reflection. She was a mess. Her hair was disheveled, her dress was barely on straight, and the love bites on her neck had begun to bruise. She caught Gale’s eye in the mirror’s reflection and grinned.

“Worth it.”

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale #bg3 fanfic #female tav #gale x tav #bg3 smut #gale smut #baldur's gate 3 fan fiction #baldur's gate 3 smut #baldur's gate 3 fanfic #bg3 fan fiction #gale fanfic

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annastylepie · 1 year

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The Butlers apprentice AU

Dc x Dp au 1. uwu

ok so like Alfred is like Dannys Great Grandpa or something I really don't care tbh.

At a Family reunion Alfred raising and beeing surrounded by detectives quickly picks up that Danny when close to his parents seems uncomfortable especially when they talk about ghosts and the manece Phantom. As the reunion goes on he notices that danny at times would seem to walk a little too silent to be normal. Upon asking Danny about his oppinion on Phantom out of his parents ear shot he praises the hero and states that he is nothing like his parents make him seem etc. etc.

Some time later when danny is around 17, maybe at a different reunion or even the same Alfred wittneses Danny transform and is explained by him and Jazz the situation. Danny procedes to vent about wanting to move out but not wanting to leave family so Alfred procceds to offer him a room at the manor. Danny is hesistent on taking the offer at first. But after a too close call with the GIW and his perents as well as encouragement from Jazz and his friends he gives and goes to live in the menor under the condition, that he doesn't want to just mooch of of his great Grandpa. So he starts his Butler apprenticeship in the Wayne Manor, where he procedes to learn how to properly cook without the food coming to life, keep up in housework and everything a butler needs to know.

The best part Danny seems incredibly efficient within an hour he can have the entire manor from a litteral bomb exploded here to sparcling clean you could eat from the floor. Danny was entrusted with the secret identeties of the Batfam as well as the batcave.

Bruce was first did all type of reseche of course not just anyone even family of Alfred could just know about their after dark affairs noting that beside the ghost hunter parents and not exactly good grades, Danny was a normal 17 something year old however upon the reveal Danny did not seem surprised at all. How?

"I found the cave like a month ago what do you mean it is hard to find? If we didn't dust it as regularly as we do it would be as obvious as hanging a sign"

Bruce then insits that Danny needs to get some training on self defence and fightling so he doesn't pose too big risks in existing on Wayne manor. Bruce is suprised that Danny is actually able to hold his own in a fight, so after some more reserch he makes the connection that Danny is Phantom.

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Danny likes Tim he is a smart dedicated vigilante guy that somehow reminds him of his early days in the way of how little sleep he gets and just doesn't take care of himself all that much. Danny swore to himself to make sure that Tim takes more care of himself and if he goes a little spooky to do so so be it

Tim is certain that something is up with Danny but just can't put a finger on what and it is driving him mad even more now that Bruce seems to trust him. Danny does impossible tasks that just no one seems to aknowlege. Like sneaking him a coffe when he needs to actually survive the day without sleeping in between somehow danny's coffe just works better than any other he can get anywhere else. Danny seems to also be adament on Tim taking breaks and sleeping. Joy.

Danny the menace he is puts his whole chaos energy into confusing the sleep deprivied Tim with the goal to ultimately get him to sleep. What could convince Tim that he needs more sleep? :

-Danny walks by tim 4 times always coming from a Room that has no other exit or enterece what is so confusing? it is on the second floor and after exiting he doesn't enter the room again

-He would at times just fade out of view as if he was never there

-Sometimes he would invisibly follow him around and move things just so slightly that it could be just be his imagination or sleep deprived brain making stuff up

(-Danny also gives Tim 'coffee' when asked because when Danny makes it he can actually survive the rest of the day without getting tired danny won't share his secret on how he does it ( it is totally ectoplasmd) )

After each confrontation on how he does these things Danny denyies everything and tells him: "I am just one hell of a butler. Now go to bed"

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Dick and Danny upon fist meeting could only be considered imediate sibling adopion or whatever as well as a ever since frequent pun off

Dick also tries to brother Danny around, Danny is in a strange in between position of enjoying it and beeing conflicted on if he should get to attached... it is too late he is too far in at this point

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Damien is a little shit at the beginning and probably even after a longer time

Damien might do a spoiled kid route at fist asking for more and more outlandish and impossible tasks, however danny delivers every time

You want something from that one store 2 hours away? here you go

Need something from your grandpa's but seems impossible? here you go

You want an ancient catana one of the first ones ever created? here you go

Space rock? "I don't want a space rock as you called it" I will get you a freakn' space rock

I also imagine that damien would spar with danny at first because danny wanted to teach damien some respect for others and damien because he couldn't let it stand that a freakn civilian can beat him in something like fighting when he was training since he was basiclly just a todler.

As time passes Damien gains Respect for Danny and sees him as a Rolemodle as well as something close to a cousin.

Damien knows of Danny beeing a halfa, they agree to not tell Tim until he figures it out himself

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Now half a year into the whole buttler thing, Jason and Danny meet the first time

Danny feels sick something in here smells rotten it makes him sick what is this horrible smell where did it come from he house is clean the kitchen is freshly cleanded and the trash taken out there is no reason for this foul of smell to exist anywhere near the manor that is when he sees Alfred talking to someone with a white streak in their hair.

"Danny why don't you join us? This is Master Jason. Master Jason this is my Grandson Danny"

"It is a pleasure to meet you" Danny states moving further into the kitchen the smell gets worse but wanting to be polite he still holds out his hand for a handshake

"Hi" Jason greets shortly shaking dannys hand but upon contact jason freezes as invisible energie seems to surrouned Danny it is familliar and comforting and suddenly Jason feels incredibly light he could fly if gravety didn't still exist but man did it feel debatable right now Jason holds Dannys hand a little longer then most would consider normal all while danny seems to look right into his soul some form of understanding within his eyes

"A friend of the other side it seems, I still got (insert task) to do, nice meeting you and we defenetly need to talk, till later"

just like that danny is out of view and after a short transformation out of sight, man does he reek of corrupted ectoplaslm he gave him a little of his own throu his hand shake to lessen the smell but it still smelled so strong

Meanwhile Jason looks to where danny left the room hoping he would return he suddenly felt so safe and the Pits have never been this quiet before forget quiet they are silent for the first time in years jason can think entierly clearly and relaxed

he defenetly needs to visit more often and get Dannys number

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during his stay danny only tells bruce damien and jason his halfa status the others just kinda figure it out on their own and ask him about it after a while danny would also totally just chill on the cieling at the most rendom times like 2 am tim goes to get a snack after reserch only for danny to throw him an apple from the cieling and dissapearing. Tim went to bed afterwards

that s all I have rigth now have fun I guess :)

#dp x dc #butler phantom #alfred pennyworth #batman #danny phantom #not danny getting adopted #danny is a little shit #crossover #butler #danny is a god of chaos and is aware of it #tim needs sleep #jason needs peace #give tim a break #poor guy #jason todd #tim drake #damien wayne #DCXDP #DPXDC

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jnnul · 9 months

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a phone that won’t ring

a/n: third time’s the charm? if this doesn’t post this time, u heard it here first: tumblr is homophobic 😤

word count: 1k

type: drabble/short story

tags: fluff, angst, i keep pretending like i know what it’s like to be an idol, they love each other so much but time is their biggest enemy fr fr

gif credits: @jigujellee

it’s hard dating kim minji. it was like one day, she was just your girlfriend. the girl who would hold your hand and swing it a little too hard on walks by the han river until both of you lose your balance. the girl who would wrap you with her sweater because she had a possessive streak and she liked you wearing her clothing. the girl who would kiss you senseless when she had to leave for practice even though she promised to call you when she got back to the dorms.

and then the next, she was the unofficial leader of k-pop’s arguably hottest girl group.

soon, the girl who would turn on the strangest filters when she video called you to make you laugh turned into the girl who would organize her members together as they interacted with millions of fans all across the world.

minji always tries her best to make sure you don’t feel like you’ve fallen behind. she talks about you to her members. she mentions that a ‘friend’ bought her the beautiful necklace that a fan comments on when she’s on vlive. she always wears that necklace - no matter where she is. in every single of the thousands of pictures of minji at the airport, she’s wearing that necklace.

to the extent that people began spreading rumors that jungwon of enhypen and minji of newjeans were dating and that was their couple necklace. minji had laughed about it when she called you when those rumors first came out.

“i don’t think i’ve ever even been within ten feet of jungwon. people will say anything if you’re the same age as someone else. or honestly, if they just think you’re shippable with them. how ridiculous is that,” minji snorts as she fingers the sapphire necklace thoughtlessly.

you try to laugh, nodding as your mind wanders. “yeah. so ridiculous.”

that night, you spent a good three hours searching up jungwon and fall down a rabbit hole of jungwon x minji ships on tiktok. you try to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach when you realize just how well jungwon and minji match each other.

leaders. thoughtful. kind. so incredibly beautiful.

you weren’t bad looking - you knew that. and you knew that minji loved every single part of you, no matter how much you got in your head about it. but it was different for her. she didn’t even think about things that deep.

“have you ever noticed how uneven my eyes are? it’s like they’re on separate floors on my face,” you said one day, as minji’s not on camera for a second because she’s washing her face after practice. minji ducks into frame, white foam still on her face from her cleanser as she looks at you incredulously.

“y/n, i don’t think so at all. honestly, i don’t even know what you’re talking about; your eyes look fine to me,” she says, before ducking out of frame once more to wash the rest of the foam off of her face. minji can still see that you’re not completely comforted yet and she holds up her phone at an incriminating angle, as though she was scrutinizing your face.

“y/n, i literally see the most beautiful pair of eyes that could ever exist. you’re too hard on yourself. i promise no one sees what you think that they do. all they see is how kind you are and how genuine you are,” minji says and she can see the small smile that you’re trying to fight away and she considers her girlfriend duties to be fulfilled. for the moment, at least.

but that was a year ago, before newjeans was formed and before you started seeing minji’s face more often on billboards than in the comfort of her arms on a quiet date in your apartment.

now, when you get insecure about the tiny little things you don’t like about yourself, you stare longingly at the phone that you’re waiting for to ring, hoping that your girlfriend will call and wash all your insecurities away.

she tries her best - she really does. minji calls you whenever she can, even if she has to call you at 3 in the morning in america so she can catch you before you head to class. she’ll send presents to your door instead of actually showing up because she doesn’t want to compromise your safety.

and she will never take off that necklace. that beautiful sapphire necklace that you gifted her on her 16th birthday, with your first paycheck. the one that has your initials carved into it on a tiny little dog tag that falls down her back.

but it feels a little colder in your apartment meant for love when minji isn’t there to shelter you in her arms and cover your eyes during scary movies. you can’t help but checking her location (which she had shared with you soon after she debuted) to see when she would get home. more often than not, you would fitfully fall asleep before you could see her arrive at home. and you watch a phone that won’t ring until ungodly hours.

when she does call, minji tries to be as lively and attentive as she was before she was being flown out to a different country almost everyday. but you can see the eye bags that give away just how hard she truly is working. and you force yourself to tell her goodbye before you really want to because you want her to get at least a couple hours of precious rest that she doesn’t get too often.

it’s all worth it, you try to tell yourself. when minji finally gets a couple hours where she isn’t forced to be doing something, and she manages to bundle herself up and sneak into your apartment, it is worth. even when she gets a call from her manager that she has to be at the hybe building within the next hour, while she can hold you, it’s worth it.

dating kim minji is hard. but it’s all worth it in the end. it has to be.

#jnnul #newjeans fic #newjeans x reader #minji x reader #newjeans scenarios #newjeans #newjeans drabble #newjeans minji #minji fic #minji drabble #minji fluff #newjeans fluff #kim minji #kim minji fluff #kim minji x reader #newjeans angst #minji angst

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minniesmelody · 2 years

Text

Substitute

𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 : Eddie Munson x Henderson!Reader

𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 : Dustin’s sister comes down to Hawkins for summer break, Dustin explains how his friend Lucas can’t make it to the campaign Dustin is part of and asks you to be the Substitute for him. But will their leader Eddie Munson let you?

𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 : a cuss word, and mentions of eye fucking

𝗣𝗢𝗩: first person- Y/n

•••••

“Y/n please, Lucas has his basketball game tonight so he can’t make it, I’ve asked everyone that I could think of and no one wants to, please you are my last hope, our last hope” Dustin pleaded to me, saying it as if he would get murdered if he didn’t find someone to substitute Lucas’s place to play dungeons and dragons.

I wasn’t quite used to this to be honest. I wasn’t used to be around Dustin at all for a fact. After our parents split and the divorce papers were officially signed, dad had moved away to New York, bringing me with him. So I moved away with dad and Dustin stayed with mom in Hawkins. We saw each other 3 times a year, once during spring break, another during August, and one more time during winter break.

I graduated almost 2 years ago, now working with dad and his buddies in his car shop while going to school for art, I was also the crafty type, drawing constantly and easily making a straw and shoe lace become a bracelet.

Whenever I did have time to call or visit, Dustin always made at least 3 comments about Dungeons and Dragons and the campaign he is with some others from school. Which lead me here, him begging me to be a substitute since his friend Lucas can’t play tonight.

I wasn’t the biggest player of D&D but I need know some stuff from watching Dustin play so many times, watching for afar though, never actually playing myself.

“What’s in it for me?” I asked, I wasn’t just gonna play for nothing, especially when I’m not really experienced.

“I-ummm” he said while his eyes searched the ground, trying to think of a answer, until his eyes lit up and looked back up to me “you can finally meet Eddie, if I can recall correctly you kept asking me about him and who he was after seeing pictures of the whole hellfire club” he had a smirk plastered on his face.

He wasn’t wrong and I’ll be honest about it too, I got sent copies of some pictures from mom to show what him and her have been up too, one picture catching my eye. The picture of him and everyone in his little club. One boy catching my eye, their leader, Eddie Munson.

I never met him and I wasn’t even sure if he even knew I existed, if he was ever informed of Dustin having a sister. But when I saw him for the first time, I thought I was in love. Even with the picture being in black and white.

I studied Dustins face for a few seconds, should I agree to this? I don’t even really know how to play. But then again… screw it you only live once.

“fine” I said a fake huff, trying to show as if I was frustrated by it but inside I was actually pretty excited.

We rode off on our bikes to Hawkins high where the campaign took place. Getting there the same time Dustins friend Mike did.

“Hey Mike” I said with a small wave.

“Y/n, that’s who you got? Does she even know how to play?” Okay um- ouch, not even hi back?

“Well did you find someone else better than her? Any ideas?” Dustin asked Mike, Mike didn’t really have an answer back, just kept stuttering before letting out a big huff and walking with Dustin, me following behind them.

We walked into a room with different colored lights, a few different people and a big table.

Heads turned towards us as Dustin and Mike dragged me to one side of the table, looking at Dustin and Mike before looking straight ahead of me.

And there he sat, the same boy that was in the picture, the same boy I was slightly crushing on after just seeing that one picture of him, he looked so much better in person.

He looked me straight in the eye, just staring at me for a few seconds while I did the same back.

“Absolutely not.”

Oh.

“You asked for a sub, we delivered” Dustin said while pointing at you.

“This is Hellfire club, not fashion school” he said, I looked down at my outfit, I did put lots of effort into my outfits as I really enjoyed fashion, but that was simply not needed to be said.

So I spoke up about it.

“What’s wrong with my outfit?” I asked, I was wearing a blue denim skirt, a blue top that did make my cleavage slightly show, some white sneakers and a gold necklace to make things extra.

He looked me up and down a few times before looking back at my face.

“Nothing it’s just- you don’t seem like the type to play well this kinda of game” as he shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m not really but that doesn’t mean I don’t have no interest in it” I snapped back at him.

“So then-“ he said standing up from the throne like chair he was sit on and walking around the table towards me.

“What’s your name sweetheart?”

“Y/n Henderson, I’m saying your Eddie”

His eyes widened, not widely widened but just slightly to show a small reaction.

“Henderson? Dustin you never said you had a sister” just as I thought, he never even knew who I was.

“Well do I, before you ask she doesn’t really know how to play-“ Dustin said before getting cut off.

“That’s okay, you can learn while we go” he said, now he is suddenly nice? Huh?

He stared at you boy saying or anything else after that, just looking at you, and you looked back, neither of you saying anything or moving.

He had brown chocolate colored eyes, his face features so unique and beautiful, his hair helped his appearance, the urge to touch it just gre-

“Are you guys gonna eye fuck each other all night or are we gonna play?” Dustin said while getting comfortable in one of the chairs.

“I- um- right- w-welcome to hellfire Y/n” Eddie said with a hand stretched out which I gently took in mine and shook.

We played for almost an hour, the more the game went of the more I understood it. We ended up killing vecna in the end of the game thanks to me rolling a 20.

Everyone happy and excited about our win, jumping up and down. Everyone except Eddie who looked at me as if he just seen god for the first time.

It was quite a fun scene to see.

Everyone started leaving, me following Dustin until Eddie asked me to stay back and have a “chat with him” Dustin asking us not to anything stupid that ends up with me getting pregnant.

As if Dustin, as if.

“What is it?” I asked him trying to sound annoyed.

“You were good for a first timer, you did impress me I won’t lie about that” he while playing with rings on his hand while looking up at me.

He licked his lips before saying something else.

“You don’t live here do you?” He asked

I shook my head no “me and Dustins parents aren’t together, I live with our father in New York, i come to visit a few times a year”

He nodded his head, understanding what I was saying. “How much longer do you think you will be here, in Hawkins?” He asked.

“I’m here for the week or so, maybe I’ll talk my dad into being here for longer, maybe 2 weeks” I said, now fiddling with my own fingers.

“Well I sure hope so cause I would like to hang out with you sometime before you go, and maybe get your number, I was really impressed maybe you want to play another game or two as well before you leave”

I didn’t really know what to say so I just smiled and simply said “yeah, yeah I’d like that”

He gave a smile back “well do you want a ride home? I highly doubt your little brother is still outside” He offered.

“I would love one but I rode one of Dustins spare bikes so-“

“That’s okay, I have a van, I mean it’s not like the best working van in the world but you can put the bike in the back and sit in the front with me, I mean that’s only if you wa-“

“No, no, yeah no I’d- just, I’d really like that”

“Well great, let me clean up and let me grab my keys, I’ll met you outside in about 3 minutes” he said while I nodded and walked outside to wait for him.

Thank you Dustin for asking me to be the sub and thank you Lucas for needing a Sub.

•••••

A/n : not much to say, I thought this was a cute idea, I was thinking about continuing it but I’m not sure if I will or won’t, I probably won’t but who knows :)

#eddie munson #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson smut #fanfic #imagine #steve harrington #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things smut #eddie munson x reader #dustin henderson #eddie munson masterlist #dungeon and daddies #dungeons and dragons #hellfire club

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orphicdazai · 1 year

Text

strangers in the night | mafia!dazai x fem!reader

❛𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦❜

mafia!dazai x fem!reader. slight angst. lots of fluff. both dazai and reader are 17 here. underage drinking. mentions of depressive thoughts. it's actually pretty long. my first time publishing something like this oop. i have a one shot book fully dedicated to dazai on wattpad! check it out!

also read this with Frank Sinatra's "strangers in the night" for a better experience!

USELESS.

Dazai's existence was absolutely useless.

He never once considered his own life to have any significance or value for him being deemed worthy at any point of his life. How could he when all he experienced was suffering and trauma. He was weak. The weak fear happiness itself. They harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded even by happiness.

That's why he was so afraid to feel any happiness. He knew he'd get some kind of disappointment sooner or later and that short and small spark of joy will turn out irrelevant and useless.

Dazai's throat burned due to the sake which was poorly held by his bandaged hand, his baggy, red eyes narrowed and just kept looking down to the glass, his depressive thoughts consuming him as per usual. If you actually took a look into his brown eyes, you'd see nothingness itself staring right back at you. Nihilism. Emptiness. Uncertainty. Hopelessness.

His body was usually cold as well and very malnourished at times as he only drank himself to sleep and never seemed to care about his outer appearance at all. It was all irrelevant. As long as he was present at the mafia to do his work, nothing else mattered.

The mafia was the only thing that gave him some type of purpose. If he could call that.

He seemed to be motivated a year ago when he first joined but now... he wasn't sure anymore. He felt stuck.

The young boy was at his lowest point in life. As if he hadn't been through enough already. That his life was capable to go downhill even more wasn't something he ever thought was possible.

Breathing no longer felt like a common thing for him. It was a chore at this point. Everything was. Getting up in the morning especially was very disappointing. Dying while he had finally managed to sleep sounded the most pleasant and painless way to die. But he kept meeting his ceiling every morning, being able to sense and feel his futon underneath him and wrapped around his thin body. He'd smell the alcohol from the bottles scattered around him. He'd have to hear the cars and busy people slide through his ears. And he'd taste the bitterness of not caring to brush his teeth properly every day.

It was the same thing every time.

He wanted everything to stop.

He wanted nothing.

Sir?

Why can't he just disappear?

Sir? Hello?

Why does he have to exist?

"Sir!"

Dazai abruptly awoke from his small dozing off with tired eyes and saw how the bartender of his favourite bar stared at him in pity, his hands cleaning the glass that was now removed from his rough hand. He exhaled through his nose and crossed his arms to lay his head on them for a second, a groan leaving him.

His head hurt.

Inhaling very deeply he stood up and wrapped his dark coat over his shoulders and exchanged goodbyes with the other man, catching onto his body language that the bar was closing and that he should leave. The handsome boy ruffled his hair exhaustedly as he opened the door to exit the bar as the red neon light of the logo illuminated the left side of his face.

Thud, thud, thud.

Someone bumped his shoulder as he turned to his left, not being bothered at all since he felt slightly numb all over and had his head elsewhere for him to register anything.

"Oh I'm sorry."

His head turned slightly to the right, all droopy and empty.

There was you, a young student who had to run errands and just was about to return home and you always did so by walking through this alleyway where the bar was. You stopped in your tracks and locked eyes with the stranger.

You couldn't help but notice how malnourished he looked, hair all unkempt, reeking badly of alcohol. Scrunching your nose at the stench, you took in the rest of his appearance. He was young, handsome but yet so... empty. The way he stared at you with his right eye covered by a bandage - in fact his neck and hands were covered by them too - his gaze on you was brief yet delivered so many things all at once.

Nothingness. Hopelessness. Exhaustion.

He had not said a word after you had apologised and just slowly turned around, his focus on the ground as he didn't want to be a burden to some random stranger like he always was. He was a burden. A heavy rock that just wouldn't leave his close ones' lives.

"Wait."

Dazai ceased his steps and just stood there, his long black coat that Mori gave him swaying a bit when he halted, never turning around still.

You sighed as you began to stride over to him before you were right next to him, slowly and gently making yourself present so you wouldn't overwhelm him. Dazai's eyes moved to your face again, this time having a much better view of your soft features, his eyes unconsciously analysing you as he did with everyone. His brain was always working, even when he wasn't sober.

"What are you doing here, drinking until you can't think?" you asked suddenly, a slight frown on your brows, sensing a new found urge to check up on this random stranger's well being.

You were always like that.

A bright person, who would always make sure that people were okay, that they were happy, taking them into your precious time to give them what they deserved. It's just who you were. You were practically molded to behave this way, you just couldn't help it.

When you saw the stranger's terrible state, you couldn't help but let your empathetic nature take over you.

Dazai, who was still drunk and felt his head getting pierced repeatedly from all the alcohol, not being able to think properly, parted his lips to say something, but didn't yet. His eyes lazily and exhaustedly watched your face, blinking and raising his brows to bring himself to do literally anything.

He was able to form a thought in his so fogged and messed up mind. He thought that you were only wasting your time on him and shouldn't care about him like this. He wished you'd go away.

"'Am tired... that's why," he finally uttered with a slight raspy tone. His voice was smooth and pleasant to hear, it made you calm down immediately for some reason, like honey would calm down a sore throat. His answer was short, his breath stinking of sake to which you dipped your head back a bit, still not trying to seem rude.

It took you a moment to understand at what he meant with 'tired'. It wasn't just him wanting to sleep. No. It was something way deeper than that. He was tired of lots of things, things that may have plagued his mind and he wanted an escape.

You didn't think about it any further as you didn't want to jump to any conclusions and it was none of your business. He's a stranger after all. With a small nod, you shifted on your feet a bit, your hands at your back, standing with a straight posture - a contrast to Dazai's, who was a bit slouched, legs a bit unstable from being so intoxicated.

"I see. You seem quite unstable... do you..." you spoke carefully, the words rolling off your tongue in a gentle manner as you trailed your eyes along his tall frame, "do you want me to help you?"

The brunette didn't say anything for a while. Again, he was reacting delayed, his dark eyes focusing and refocusing while he breathed out of his mouth in a laboured way. This shitty feeling was eating him up at the moment. Yes, he wanted your help. Yes, he needed company but-

"No. I'm fine..." he answered instead, being hesitant about his reply but settled for it. He didn't want to be a burden, that's what he kept telling himself the whole time. Dazai shut his eyes as he held in an unconscious breath before releasing it and licked his dry and chapped lips, tasting the sake again on them.

"I'm... fine," he repeated, though for more to himself than to you.

A big sigh left you at that and looked down once before you stared back at him, who had his attention to the ground now. "You're clearly not,"

Dazai heaved a bit of an agitated sigh at your words, turning his head to you once more, "Look, I appreciate your help but I already told you. I'm fine. I've handled this by myself many times," he gave a sigh of his own, beginning to move his limbs so he could walk.

But before he could, you immediately gripped his arm, halting him again and caused him to look at you with an irritated expression on his face, although there was another emotion that was hidden deep under that shell of his irritation. There was a pleading glow in his eyes, it was very very subtle which you weren't able to see. He wanted to leave. Dazai didn't want to stay here with your (e/c) eyes staring at him like that.

Please leave me alone. Please- just don't look at me like that.

He begged internally but he knew the instant you had that firm grasp on his arm, you had already made up your mind. The mafioso couldn't do anything about it, you had him under your grasp - metaphorically and literally.

At his reply, you breathed out through your nose and formed a small smile, your gaze never lifting off of his face, removing your hand from his arm and stood directly in front of him, face merely a few inches away from his own. The sake breath was now much stronger as it was hitting your face while you took in his features a bit more, finding him so pretty under the moonlight.

"How about this: I will take you to my place and I'll nourish you for a bit, take you to a lovely place where I always hang out when I feel down and take care of you. Physically and mentally. Does that sound good?" you offered, having leaned back to give him more space and intertwined your own fingers behind your back, anticipating his answer, regardless if he said yes or no.

You didn't know why you were so adamant to help this young boy out, but something inside you said that it was the right thing. That he needed this badly, this plan of yours.

Dazai just stared with a slightly surprised face. He was speechless for a moment. The brunette thought he misheard you. What? Nourish him? Take him somewhere lovely? This had to be a joke. What were you thinking? Did he seem that approachable to you at the moment? What did you even like about him, in this ugly state of his?

As he didn't reply yet again, you let out a huff and became a bit impatient. "If you let me do that, I swear I'll leave you alone afterwards. I promise. Just let me take care of you," you spoke, minimal desperation lingering in your tone. You yourself didn't understand your own actions.

The boy opposite you inhaled deeply, a bitter expression on him before he shut his eyes once more and opening them again, "Fine," he breathed out, eyes and the rest of his face softening.

He couldn't help it. Not when you stared at him like that with your (e/c) eyes. He let his inner desires get the best of him, to escape this agonising loneliness for a while.

It wasn't like he was unfamiliar with women wanting to spend time with him after a few drinks at the bar Lupin. He was a well known catch for the ladies and he loved them just as much. Dazai was a natural flirt, natural smooth talker that would get any woman or girl fall to her knees for him. He had that talent in him. And he used it for his own selfish needs or other things. For information or manipulation if needed.

But what he found in your eyes wasn't something lustful. It was actual care and concern swimming in them. You genuinely wanted to treat his terrible state, you actually cared about him.

No woman or girl had ever done this before. He didn't know how to feel about it. Should he be glad? Scared? He simply didn't know.

So after he agreed, you began to head to your place which wasn't far from the bar. As mentioned earlier, you'd always take this route through the alleyway as a shortcut and you would normally take it if you ran for errands.

"What's your name, by the way?" you turned your head as you two walked slowly, since the stranger was still somewhat unstable with his footing.

He turned to you, being ripped off of his thoughts and managed to smile a bit, which you thought was absolutely beautiful.

"Dazai."

He simply answered, no need to say anything else.

You nodded at that and smiled a bit wider as you kept staring at him. "It's nice to meet you, Dazai. I'm (Y/n)," you said politely, his arm occasionally brushing against yours the further your legs moved.

The young man gave you another faint smile of his which you just had to catch a glimpse of and then silently followed you to your home. He didn't have to say anything further as you knew he wasn't exactly in the mood to speak that well. Dazai would sometimes drag his feet forwards, his body losing balance to which you would immediately catch him and keep him up straight.

"Thanks," he'd mutter, absolutely indifferent at this point and not embarrassed since he'd been in situations such as these before. Being touched by a girl, feeling comfortable in her embrace.

"Don't mention it," you'd softly say back with a small smile, the cool air of the night subtly hitting your skins, swaying your hair gently. There weren't many people around where you lived, so you two wouldn't be bothered or interrupted by anyone as you calmly kept walking.

About ten minutes later you'd arrive at the familar neighborhood you grew up in and went up the small stairs that led to your front door and unlocked the keys. Your apartment was relatively tall and average looking to Dazai, who would wander around his eyes in much interest and absentmindedness, his hands in his pockets. The names of your neighbours and the buttons for the bell were plastered on your left side in the booth-like entrance. He'd memorise every name by skimming over them with one pointed look of his, just out of boredom.

You entered the lobby and walked over to the elevator and pressed the button which glowed red around the edges in a circle as Dazai stood next to you, having begun to look better since he took some fresh air. His brown eye wasn't so tired and unfocused anymore but he still felt the strong effects of the alcohol in his system, his head hurting a bit.

Glancing to your left side a bit, you got a short view of his side profile which consisted of a sharp jawline, a perfect nose, soft yet chapped lips and that bandage wrapped around his head to hide his right eye. He was very handsome, you realised again. His hair looked sweaty yet you wanted to run your fingers through them. His mere presence looked so inviting, which was probably the reason why you offered him all of this the first place most likely. But you genuinely wanted him to feel better. He needed it.

Upon the elevator making a 'ding' noise and opening its doors, you both entered and you chose to break the silence. "Dazai, how old are you?"

His eyes found yours again as you two settled in the elevator and then looked ahead of him, shrugging his shoulders before he answered, "Seventeen. You?" the brunette moved his head so it was focused on your direction again while you had pressed the floor number for the elevator to take you upwards.

You looked back at him and smiled timidly, "Me too,"

His face seemed to look even better under the elevator lights, making you see his red cheeks from the alcohol, the shade of his brown eye shining a bit more which made your heart skip a beat. You immediately broke your eyes away from him and fixed your attention to your feet, the mirror beside you, the digital number that went higher the higher the elevator went - anything except his eyes.

What was wrong with you? He's a stranger. Sure you'll be spending time with him but you guys just met.

Still having a rather hazy mind, Dazai's gaze lingered on you, trailing it down your shorter figure and closed his parted lips before turning his head back to his front. A small micro-expression of smugness was evident on his face in a lazy way when his tiredness took over again and his face fell back to indifference.

Cute.

When you reached your floor level, you exited the elevator and went to your door, unlocking it and lead him inside as you two removed your shoes.

Immediately, Dazai would dart his eyes around your place, having noticed other used shoes - female and male - which indicated that you didn't live alone and with your parents in full picture. He seemed glad for you. Someone as sweet as you deserved that. A roof above your head, decent clothes and a family that cared about you and loved you. Then he'd take notice of your place in general. The wallpaper, the aesthetic of it all, pictures, decorations, clothes or items lying around or hung at places. Your house's scent was pleasant. It smelled like fresh coffee beans, even being able to sniff out some laundry that had been recently done. Dazai immediately felt cozy by just standing at your apartment door in those ten seconds alone.

"Welcome to my home. Make yourself comfortable," you said with a polite grin and began to head inside more, guiding him to the living room. Your eyes threw him a short glance as you ran your hand through your (h/c) locks.

"You can remove your coat, you know?" you said, having seen his black coat hanging on his shoulders the whole time, him still being in a somewhat daze.

Upon hearing your words, he blinked, words a bit stuck in his throat as he felt a bit caught off guard. He gave you a nod, slowly grabbing his coat and slid it off of him.

You suppressed a giggle at his expression, finding it a bit amusing. As he had removed his coat, you came closer to him and gently took it from his hands, moving your head up a bit because of your height difference, heart fluttering a bit at that fact as you plastered a small smile. "Let me take that. You go sit on the couch and relax,"

Dazai returned your smile and shook his head in agreement, "Alright. Thank you," he said before he went to the couch and sat down, a quiet groan leaving him at how exhausted he was and only realised how sore his muscles actually were. From stress, his mental condition and his job at the Port Mafia. He leaned against the soft couch and threw his head back, letting out a relaxed sigh with closed eyes.

You had hung his coat next to all other jackets your family owned and then returned to your room, taking a fresh towel with you from your closet and then entered the living room again. When you saw Dazai sitting on the couch that way, a small blush crept up on your cheeks as you found it very attractive. He looked super good in that white button up shirt and that black vest with a matching tie, appearing professional and sophisticated. You cleared your throat at the thought with a frown and then went to stand next to the couch.

"What's up?" Dazai suddenly spoke, his eyes never opening.

Biting your lip at his intruiging yet attractive behavior, you found the words in your mouth and began to speak. "Would you like some water? You know, to sober up a bit,"

The brunette opened his eyes again before fixing them to you, a small smile displaying his lips and straightened his head again, his arms laid on the top of the back pillows. He had a certain glint to his visible eye which you couldn't place your finger on, but it seemed to be amusement. "I'd like that,"

At his answer you nodded and went to the kitchen to get him a cold glass of water and then placed it on the coffee table in front of the couch. Dazai sat up and leaned forward to grab it before drinking down the water, letting its cold sensation slide down his throat and finally ease that throbbing pain in his head. Your mouth formed an 'o' at the sight and then quickly walked off away to bring something.

Dazai watched you leave with a quizzical look when he saw you come back with a water jug and something else in your other hand. You placed the jug next to his now empty glass and stretched your hand out to him.

"Here," you said softly and opened your palm to reveal a set of painkillers to which his eyes perked up and his lip corners turning upwards slightly.

"Thank you again," he said genuinely and took the set and popped out one pill and brought it to his mouth before filling his glass with water again and swallowed the pill down.

You then shuffled to sit on the couch opposite the one he was on and began to relax yourself as you observed his movements with a faint smile.

Dazai had drunk a few more glasses of water and felt much better and more sober and leaned back again, his eyes locking with yours. "I know I said this a few times, and I can't thank you enough, but thank you for doing this," he said, his mood improving as you had been distracting him well from his previous depressing thoughts.

A giggle escaped from you at that and beamed at him, feeling warmth spread in your chest. "It's really no big deal,"

The mafioso's smile widened even more and laid his hands on his lap as he took in your face once more, absolutely pleased at the sound you made. It was very adorable to him.

After a few seconds you let out an "oh" and turned your body so you could grab the towel you had taken with you from your room and showed it to him. "Right. Since you have quite sweaty hair, I thought you might wanna wash it? You don't have to if you don't want to, but I do recommend you to do it," your tone was gentle and calming as the smile was still sitting comfortably on your lips.

Dazai couldn't help but chuckle at your considering nature, feeling so unfamiliar to such acts towards him and just smiled. As he always tried to. Convincing others of emotions he was supposed to show, yet struggled to even understand them. He'd always worn a mask in front of everybody - except Odasaku. He was different. If Dazai wasn't sure how to act, he'd hoped if he gave a simple smile that the person would accept it and move on.

"I guess I should take up the advice of a pretty girl such as yourself," he said in a smug tone, his flirtatious side returning as usual and stood up from the couch.

A warm sensation made its way to your cheeks at his words, your heart beginning to beat faster as he came closer to you and took the towel from your hands carefully, still smiling down at you. You were stunned and couldn't form any sentence and just stared up to him.

The boy merely grinned at your reaction in delight, knowing you'd do so since he could predict the actions of girls after he chose the right words every time. He then began to move his legs and turned to you again, his hands in his pockets. "Oh right, where's your bathroom?"

Gathering your composure, you cleared your throat and uttered your reply, "Just go straight ahead, the door right next to the kitchen,"

Dazai nodded and disappeared from your vision as you could hear the bathroom door lock. You let out the breath you were holding and rested back against the couch, your heart still beating profusely.

"Why is he like that?" you pouted annoyed with a frown before turning on the TV and chose to watch any show available for the moment.

The sounds of the shower could be heard and you figured that he now began to wash his hair as you suggested. That brought a smile to you face, that he decided to listen to you. Dazai had every right not to, you were still strangers after all but he still did as you asked him to and went to properly take care of him self for once.

You wondered just how much he actually cared about himself - if he actually ever did. The thought made you sad, that someone like him, who seemed charming was actually in a dark place and suffered all by himself. Then your thoughts wandered over if he had someone who cared about him like you did. If he had someone to talk to, to vent out to, share his inner most feelings. The imagination at that not bring an option for him released such an unpleasant and upsetting feeling in you.

Poor guy.

Minutes later, the bathroom door opened and Dazai stepped out, the scent of your shampoo spreading throughout the apartment, hitting your nose which soothed you greatly. He then walked in the living room with his hair all wet and messy, looking way more refreshed than before. He might've become even more handsome.

You managed a smile and looked him up and down, content with everything at the moment.

The young handsome man stared back at you with the same smile and would dry up his brown locks with the towel you gave him, stepping closer to you. "You were right with this. I feel much better," he beamed, his brown eyes having more light in them now.

Joy spread inside you at his words and giggled softly, "I told you so," you sighed and tapped your fingers on the armrest of the couch. "I'm glad you're doing better,"

He didn't answer as he kept his gaze on you, the eye contact between the both of you longer than needed, making your face grow a bit red before you spoke up again to get rid of the awkwardness within you. "So... you wanna dry your hair, I assume?" you teased a bit.

Dazai chuckled at that, "Yeah, that'd be very much appreciated (Y/n)," he threw you an amused look.

As you had taken a closer look at him, you had noticed something. "Wait- Did you take one of our bandages for your eye?" you observed, narrowing your eyes.

He looked away from you for a second, bringing a hand behind his wet hair and shrugged with raised brows, "Maybe?" he admitted by meeting his gaze back with yours and grinning cheekily.

You shook your head at that with a soft chuckle and stood up, "Seems like you got the skills to spot and find things quickly, even in unfamiliar places, huh?" you mused, very impressed by him, even though rummaging through some stranger's stuff was a bit questionable but considering his rather reasonable nature, you knew he didn't have bad intentions or was rude.

The male shrugged once more as he looked down at you with a small smirk, holding the wet towel in his hand as his brown hair stopped dripping of droplets of water. "I suppose so,"

You then led him back to your bathroom and brought your blow dryer from your room and handed it to him. He thanked you again and you stayed at his side this time while he did his job, having crossed your arms as you watched him stand in front of the mirror.

The heat of the blow dryer would reach you from time to time, actually feeling quite nice, the hair on your body standing up at the warm feeling, the sound echoing throughout the bathroom. When Dazai was finished he unplugged the object and wrapped the wire around it before giving it back to you. You smiled in response and continued to pin your eyes to him, who adjusted his hair a bit more, staring into his reflection. His eye met yours again through the mirror and you both found yourselves smiling upon that unconsciously, a certain atmosphere hanging between you.

"Alright then," you started, taking a basket and filled it with fresh fruits your mom had bought recently with some chips, sweets of all kinds, biscuits and soft drinks as well.

Dazai quirked an eyebrow at your actions as he kept eyeing your movements, growing more and more perplexed by each second. "What are you doing?"

You turned to him next to you and began to smile widely. It was the way your face brighened up as you glanced at him, radiating that warmth he grew to like the moment you had declared to take care of him just minutes before. The sentiment of it so right, so delicate, he could drown and bask in that warmth of yours any time. And your eyes shone in a way that would send a small shiver down Dazai's spine and that smile... Oh that smile of yours.

"You'll see," you gave him a teasing giggle as excitement continued to fill you. Stuffing some more things into the basket, you asked him, "Could you give me that red and white checkerd cloth, please?"

He did as you told him, walking over to the corner of your kitchen and then gave it to you which you put in the basket as well before shutting it closed, its weight making your arm go weak. Dazai took notice and formed a small smile holding the object from underneath so it wouldn't be too heavy for you.

"Here, let me take it," he offered and slid the handle off your arm and gripped it with his right hand, the bandages wrapped around it really accenting all the curves and bones. You accidentally stared at it a bit longer than you intended and then immediately looked away, to his eyes, a faint tint of pink on your cheeks.

"Thank you."

You then led him out of your home after you two wore your coats, as it was almost 2 am in the morning, the weather much colder than before with the moon shining brighter onto you both, illuminating every inch of your path beautifully. The only sounds that could be heard were your footsteps since you were the only ones outside, complete silence except for some grasshoppers engulfing you.

Both of you loved the night.

It was the best time of the day, providing you a period of time fully to yourselves, your thoughts, your wishes. Was it the way the darkness of the night that hung above you every day resembled the one that lived inside you? Was that why you loved it? Did you find an odd sense of comfort knowing you were surrounded by that very darkness?

"So tell me... where are we headed?" Dazai questioned as his footsteps synced with yours.

His voice reached your ears after a long pause of silence, the tone gentle and full of curiosity. You could sense how much better he was doing. This made you so happy.

"Just trust me on this. I want to surprise you," you grinned at him to which he chuckled beautifully.

You took the handsome stranger to the place you'd escape to when you felt mentally drained, spending your time there as long as you wanted, being comforted by the stars themselves than your own people. It was at a meadow further away from your place but not very far that you'd grow tired. The exact spot was something like a cliff of some sorts but the area was filled with all kinds of flowers and nature. If you were to look up at the night sky, the moon would smile back at you, sitting close to you at that very spot.

Arriving at your comfort place, you faced Dazai, still wearing a big smile as he looked down at you with a soft expression, anticipation flowing in his dark eyes. "Close your eyes,"

Again, he did as you asked him to, unintentionally smiling, awaiting this surprise of yours. The beat of his heart grew stronger as he sharpened his ears to listen to anything you did, becoming impatient by each second due to excitement.

You immediately took the basket from him and took out the red and white checkered cloth and spread it on the grass ground and then put the basket on top of it. Taking the food out one by one, you made sure to make everything presentable for Dazai. You wanted this to be a memorable night for him after all. The ripping of flower stems could be heard faintly as you placed various types of flowers across the cloth and properly seated yourself among the things you set up.

Then you looked back to the young boy in front of you who was waiting patiently and had his eyes closed the entire time, looking so cute.

"You can look now."

Upon that Dazai unsealed his eyes and met with the sight of you having prepared a night time picnic for him to which his mouth hung open in utter shock, his eyes growing a bit wide. You kept surprising him every moment and he wasn't complaining. Something in your eyes was so inviting. Something your smile was so exciting. Something in his heart told him that he must join you, to not hesitate even one bit, to spend this precious night with you. He felt something so unfamiliar within himself. He just couldn't explain it. What was this feeling? The boy hadn't felt it in a while he gathered.

It was the feeling of pure joy.

Without wanting to waste any time, he sat down opposite you, his sparkling eyes marvelling at the food he saw you pack in the basket with confused ones moments before. He never expected this night to go to any of this direction when he was rotting in that bar before. Never would he have thought to have someone as enticing as you by his side when he had those agonising and life draining thoughts. Never.

"You did this... all for me?" he locked eyes with yours after taking in everything around him on the ground, absolute admiration living in those brown hues.

A blush tainted the soft skin on your face, nodding your head as you took a strawberry in your hand and smiled gently towards him, "Yeah. To make you feel better. I told you, didn't I?" your voice was so sweet, so pretty, Dazai loved the tone so much. That sincerity which would always cling onto every each word leaving your soft lips.

He'd smile greatly at you, his heart fluttered at your actions. He absolutely didn't deserve any of this. He didn't deserve you.

You brought the strawberry near his mouth and kept holding onto that softness on your face. "Eat it," you urged meekly.

His lips stayed in the same position as he leaned in and took a bite of the juicy fruit, it's sweetness spreading on his taste buds, earning a hum from him. Dazai took more bites until it reached the white part, which you then put away in an extra plastic bag for the trash and extra. The lovely flavour still lingered in the brunette's mouth, the saccharine sensation having given him a push of serotonin.

Just like her own sweetness.

"That was splendid, dearest," he commented, his eyes never leaving yours.

You let out a soft giggle, tilting your head, also not breaking eye contact. "I'm glad, Dazai,"

After that you both tried everything you had taken with you for the night picnic. You made him eat the chips, the sweets and the biscuits and each time he'd give you such an adorable reaction. He was so precious. It warmed your heart so much to the point you swore it was beginning to become dependent on his presence. Seeing him so joyful at the littlest things actually made you sad in a way. Spending time like this was the bare minimum.

Did he really never get any of that?

This caused you to nourish him even more. To help him, take care of him even more.

"What brand is this?" Dazai asked as his cheeks were stuffed with the biscuits you brought with you.

You laughed at his adorable little antics and pinched that very cheek of his. "It's (brand name). You like it?" your entire being relaxed by just looking at him.

He nodded in response, gazing back at you, "Very much,"

You hummed, a smile tugging at your lips, "You can take the whole package then if you'd like,"

"Really?" his eyes shone bright, a childlike wonder on his face.

Heart racing deeply within your chest you giggled once more, "Yes. Take it,"

Dazai couldn't describe the feeling he had when he was with you in this very moment. It was like he could be a child again, make up for all the times and experiences that were stolen from him. He wished nothing more than to just spend the rest of his time here with you, at this wonderful environment, away from blood, violence, the stench of dead bodies and that physician's cold and piercing glare.

When you two had craned your necks to look up at the sky, the time being 2.30 am, you just enjoyed each other's company while admiring the stars, which stood out in the darkness more than usual.

"That one looks like a bunny, don't you think?" you pointed towards the stars above you as you two were sitting next to each other a bit more, having decided to filter out some star constellations.

Dazai raised a brow at that with a chuckle, "A bunny? You think so? Looks like noose to me," he corrected with a casual shrug.

Your mouth hung open at that with wide eyes and a frown, "What the hell? A noose? Are you serious?" you asked in disbelief and genuine confusion.

He nodded in honesty, seeing no problem with his claim, "Yeah? Is that bad?" he had an innocent spark in his eyes which really made you question things.

Moving your head upwards again, you asked him yet again, "And that one? What do you see?" you wanted to be sure if he was joking or actually serious.

The mafioso glanced to the spot among the beautiful stars and moved his mouth, "A gun or knife of some sort... I don't know," he said with another shrug, turning back to you.

A huge sigh left you at that and made your whole body face towards him a bit more, face growing a bit concerned now. "Dazai... are you... are you okay?"

When you questioned him that, he made note of your tone, how soft and wary it was. The question made him look down to his lap, taking a breath before answering you.

"Not really."

So your suspicions were right about his mental state. You decided to ask further.

"I'm sorry to hear that... Do you want to... maybe talk about it?" your eyes scanned his now more serious face.

He was breathing calmly and then latched his eyes back to your own face. "I suppose we could... but only a few things..."

"Of course, that's totally fine," you formed a comforting smile.

Dazai instantly mirrored your expression before he told you about some of his struggles. His heavy and deep depression. His suicide attempts which made you sick to your stomach but served as an explanation for the bandages around his whole body. Your heart would sink every time he'd describe his emotions... if he could even call them that.

"What about your eye? Was that self inflicted or...?" you tried to act as carefully and respectfully as possible, not wanting him to feel at unease at all.

The brunette merely smiled at your question, grateful to your politeness, "No it isn't. My boss... who happens to be a physician, treated my eye long ago. It's still healing though," he explained, running a hand through his brown locks.

Nodding at his reply, you looked down to your lap. "I see..."

"What about you?"

You heard his voice as you had been in a small daze for a second.

"Hmm?" your focus returned to the boy beside you.

"Did you go through something too? If so, you don't have to share," he wore a warm expression, pools of tenderness in his eyes.

"Do you think life has meaning?" he added once more.

You had to think about that for a moment, gathering your thoughts and emotions, the question being a very deep one of course.

"I suppose to me it does have some meaning. But even if I described it to you, it would be kind of useless don't you think?"

He had to nod at that, pointing his lip corners downwards while he pondered for a second. "You're not wrong, however I'd still like to hear your version of the reason to live," he smiled softly.

That made you smile as well before you stared towards the sky once again, "If you say so... I think that the true meaning of life can't be found so easily. You have to search for it. It isn't presented to you on a silver platter or anything. Life is deceitful, destructive and down right unfair. But despite all of that, it has it's beautiful moments... for someone like you that might seem impossible but trust me... you should cherish even the smallest spark of positive emotion. Just keep it to yourself like how you'd want your wife to treasure the ring you gifted her. I've been through a lot too, not nearly to an extent like you did but I understand how you feel, Dazai. You're stuck in a place I'd never want to return to. I'm glad I escaped that void. And I hope you do that too,"

He listened to every word you spoke, being attentive and tried to understand everything. Dazai liked the way you talked. It was soothing and tranquil. He nodded at your reasoning, finding it somewhat logical.

"I see what you mean. Seems plausible to me," he responded with authenticity. A long and tired breath escaped his mouth as he stared upwards again. "I really do hope to leave this hell hole called mind. I feel so trapped every damn day. I'm just waiting to see the day where I can look at the world through your eyes,"

You smiled with deep emotions within you at his words, feeling the same hope accompanying you, wanting nothing more than his happiness. You didn't say anything after that, thinking your facial expressions were enough to assure him you agreed with him. Darting your eyes around you, you studied the beautiful area again that you had memorised by having come here so many times. No matter how many times you'd return to this place, it would always give you solace like nothing else in the world. Every blade of grass, every tree, every single flower, every brush of wind and every company of the moon was enough.

Your nights here were drenched in long talks with yourself about things that should've been but couldn't be.

"Dazai?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" he answered almost immediately, as if it was a reflex to him to call you sweet names.

You looked back to him with a wide grin, redness coating your cheeks.

"Wanna dance?"

At that you had taken out a CD player and put a Frank Sinatra album into it and skipped to a certain song and pressed play. The sounds of a lovely melody reached your ears, flutes, violins, the bells and drums echoing around the beautiful area, the scent of the flowers making the experience much better.

'Strangers in the night exchanging glances. Wondering in the night. What were the chances we'd be sharing love before the night was through'

Dazai made a satisfied sound at the song playing and smiled broadly. "Excellent song choice, belladonna," he moved his head to you as you two were standing now, next to the picnic set up.

"I know," you said cheekily with a giggle when you held your hand out to him. "Will you allow me to dance with you, good sir?" you joked playfully.

He chuckled, completely enthralled by your idea, giving you a short nod and placed his hand on yours, gently holding it, his slightly rough skin colliding with yours. You two came closer, having had this proximity again like before, when you had asked him to come with you. There was this tension, this feeling that was constantly clinging onto you which just never let you tear your eyes from each other. It was like time had came to a halt whenever your eyes met.

Dazai's other hand found your waist as yours did with his shoulder without any question, as if you two had done this multiple times before. You'd smile like idiots when you two got ready in a comfortable stance to dance along. And that's what you did.

You let him take the lead as the calming and nostalgic song played in the background, laughing amongst yourselves. Whenever he'd take a step, you'd follow immediately, his hold on you so careful and graceful, you felt as if you were a princess in his arms. The sound of his breathy laughter was like music to your ears. He was just too breathtaking to you.

His hand that was gripping yours moved above your head and made you spin for him, you giggling at the action before he caught you again, pressing your back against his chest. The whole time your smiles wouldn't disappear. How could they when you were having such a lovely time together. Your stomach flipped at the feeling of his body pressed to yours, never ceasing to blush at Dazai's every little movements.

Right after you turned around and took his hand again to make him spin as well, earning a pretty laugh from him yet again, his brown eye glistening under the moonlight like never before this whole time you two had been together. Your hand was practically glued to his as you didn't want to let go, since his skin was so comforting, like a pillow. Everything about him was, to he honest.

"Turned out so right, for strangers in the night."

You both sang in unison, absolute glee dancing along with you, the words somehow having latched themselves onto your brains, making you think further, to other places. The young boy's face was close to yours, close enough to feel his breath on your skin, having a great close up view of his beautiful features that you found yourself adoring each time. Impossible was it to rip your gaze away from those deep, profound and complex chocolate eyes.

The air around you changed yet again, your hands on his shoulders, his on your waist, the gap between your bodies almost non-existent, just breathing calmly. You could swear his eyes flickered down to your lips, yours doing the same automatically. But you both never went any further. The two of you had flushed faces and had your throats stuffed with unspoken words.

You inhaled deeply with a deep blush, eyes darting to your side, to the picnic before you got too lost and too comfortable in his hold, "We should..." you trailed off.

Dazai's hands relaxed on your waist, a short exhale coming from him, sliding his touch down to your hips cautiously and smiled in understanding, "Yes we should,"

As it had become 3 am already and the weather was getting colder, you both chose to pack the leftover food back into the basket, Dazai carrying it again for you while you slowly made your way back to your apartment. He had given you his coat since he could tell how you were trembling a bit, you holding it close to your body, smelling his cologne and a bit of alcohol and sweat too, but it wasn't that unpleasant. Just having spent this time together you could feel how much closer you had gotten. You were so much more comfortable in each other's presence.

The thought of each other's lips wouldn't leave your minds or your scents, and how intoxicating they were to the other. It felt like both of your presences were now actively and permanently living inside your heads, sending waves of happiness to each other.

Once you arrived back at your doorstep, you spun around to face him again, wanting to see that soft expression of his again. A bitter feeling washed over you at the thought of never seeing him again after this. Not being able to hear his laughter anymore or to just listen to him talk.

Dazai travelled his eyes down to the basket and held it higher, "Should I come with you again? To help you carry the basket upstairs?" he asked with care.

He was such a gentleman, you appreciated it so much. You shook your head slowly and stepped closer to him. "No, it's fine. I can do it myself," you reached out and took the basket from him, it being much lighter due to you two having eaten so much of the food. He was still gripping the biscuits package you let him take for himself though.

Your eyes found his again and you just kept staring in silence, his brown ones examining you once more, wanting to burn your memory into his vision and mind as much as possible. You did the same, your attention glued to his gorgeous face.

"Um... my..." Dazai pointed towards you, a small chuckle leaving him.

"Oh. Sorry, I forgot," you smiled in embarrassment and slid off his long black coat and handed it back to him, which he accepted eagerly with a giggle and draped it back onto his shoulders just like when you first met him.

The young male released a breath and scratched his hair, his eyes looking a bit gloomy. "So this is goodbye huh?"

Your whole face frowned at that, not actually ready to take the final step as your heart strings were tugging you towards him, telling you to not leave him. Pouting at his words, you nodded, your own emotions of dissatisfaction evident on the outside.

"It seems like it."

Silence had filled in again for a moment longer after that. The tension grew even more heavy, almost as sharp as a knife.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me. I really enjoyed every second together with you, (Y/n)," Dazai spoke wholeheartedly, even a bit of affection lurking in his smooth voice, his eyes and cheeks no longer red from the alcohol he had consumed. No longer tired, in pain or irritated.

A wide and beautiful smile tugged on your lips, delight and happiness welled up inside you, causing your cheeks to turn crimson. "I'm glad that I was able to make you forget things. Even if it was just for this short time at night,"

He managed a grin, growing so soft for you like for no other girl he had ever before. Man, he was really going to miss you.

"Alright then... goodbye, (Y/n). Belladonna," he said that pet name with such fondness and vulnerability it really made you melt on the inside.

"Goodbye, Dazai. Until we meet again," you spoke with a clouded mind, unlocking the door to lead to your lobby, your eyes always fixed to his.

You'd both stare for a while longer, Dazai walking backwards to keep up with your staring contest, heart pounding in his chest at this bittersweet moment.

"What about your parents though? Where are they?"

He wanted to prolong this a tiny bit more. Wanting to hear your voice.

Your head perked up at his concern, chuckling softly, "They'll return soon enough. Both have their night shifts today," you elaborated rushed in an assuring way, almost fully inside the lobby.

The brunette nodded firmly, smiling brightly only for you once more before he began to turn his body. Your (e/c) eyes watched him do that, biting your lip at the emotions you were experiencing this very moment. It kept eating you up.

Dazai's back was turned to your apartment as he slowly moved his feet to head to his own place but could hear fast footsteps approaching him and he twisted his body back. Having done so, he could see you running towards him, with your pretty (h/c) hair flowing with your movements, that look of determination and yearning in your eyes, those eyes that he would always remember now.

"(Y/n)? Wha-"

That's when he felt you wrap your arms around him tightly for an embrace and he stood still, absolutely frozen on the spot. He could feel your face nuzzled against his chest, that warmth he was so drawn to having made itself present again. Snapping out of his shock, he slowly brought his own arms to your back and pressed you against him, a huge smile making its way on his handsome features, burying it into your shoulder as he inhaled your addicting scent.

The hug lasted only for a few seconds when you pulled away to look into his eyes and examined his beauty once more before leaning in and planting a soft kiss to his cheek. When Dazai felt your tender lips on his skin, he was frozen yet again, your warmth having disappeared in a flash as you had gone inside the lobby already, the door closing behind you, any evidence of your existence having completely vanished.

The young executive was still trapped in a trance, replaying the scene in his head multiple times with a racing heart before he eventually left the area. What drove him insane was that your scent was still lingering on him, not just the shampoo he had used on his hair before but that sweet perfume of yours.

In fact your beautiful face was still swimming in front of his eyes. The heat that you radiated when you walked side by side. The food you ate together with the taste still present on his tongue. The Frank Sinatra song unconsciously playing in the back of his head and the sight of you dancing with him among a flower filled meadow, the moon gleaming onto you both.

He'd glance down to the biscuits in his hand every now and then, hearing your lovely voice saying he could take the package with him. So kind. So generous.

He wanted to feel every emotion you had brought out of him this whole time. From the moment he met you until the sweet kiss you gave him. He wanted you by his side again but his job wouldn't allow that and he certainly wouldn't want someone as precious as you to be involved with the mafia in any way. You didn't deserve him nor did he ever deserve you.

Never did Dazai ever think he'd genuinely get attached to a stranger, a girl so quickly like he did with you. And it scared him. He was so torn. Part of him wanted your angelic aura next to him, the other wanting you far away so he wouldn't get either of you hurt. He couldn't risk it.

He cared about you. He was actually concerned about your well-being. Just what kind of spell did you use on him that it was a bit agonising to leave you behind? If he had a chance to re-experience the night, he'd do it in a heartbeat. As many times possible.

Dazai Osamu ached for the way you treated him. He wasn't used to it - it was super foreign to him but he wanted to dive into that sensation again. Just once. Just a little drop of it even. Just one look into your eyes would've been enough.

All he could think about was you on his way back, your very being burned in his memory now. Forever.

He was never, ever going to forget you.

#bsd dazai #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #bsd anime #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs dazai #one shot #bsd atsushi #bsd akutagawa #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai osamu #bsd x reader

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sweetprettyprincess · 2 years

Text

— NO TIME | jjk

pairing: jeon jungkook x female!reader

summary: "no time for bullshit talk about who's to blame for the breakup".

genre: exes to fuckers au

warnings: smut (oral f receiving, unprotected sex, vaginal penetration)

english is not my native language so pls excuse any mistakes

You keep your eyes fixed on the TV in front of you, even though you're not really paying attention to anything on the screen. Your entire focus is on an internal struggle between your common sense and your willingness to pick up your cell phone and prove to him that you no longer have any dignity. How pathetic you've become.

"Fuck," you mutter to no one but yourself, giving up, before reaching for the device and immediately opening Instagram and searching for '97jkook' in the search.

The last story was posted two hours ago, a selfie in the car. You don't take you long to notice how fucking hot he looks, as soon the memories of your moments together in that vehicle invaded your mind. Did the damned memories also disturb his thoughts or did he just forget about your existence? Maybe he created new memories with someone else. Better memories.

You take advantage of the seconds of courage that suddenly arise within you and quickly type a response to the photo: "can u come and fuck me?".

Minutes that feel like hours pass before he sees your message, but when it does, no response comes and it's like a bucket of cold water has been thrown over you. How could you have been so stupid? It's a Friday night, the vibe is prone to going out for drinks with friends, flirting with various girls, and selecting the hottest one to take home. Why the hell would he pay any attention to a needy ex-girlfriend when he probably already has a prettier girl wrapped around his finger for the night? What do you have to offer besides a fuck (which obviously isn't going to be the best of his life) and bullshit about who's to blame for the breakup?

Feeling humiliated, you decide that the best thing to do in a situation like this is to go to bed and cry yourself to sleep, thinking about how different things could have been. However, before you can even make your way to the bedroom, the doorbell rings through the apartment and you freeze in place.

You takes a deep breath, straightens your posture and runs your hand through your hair in an attempt to compose yourself before opening the door.

There's a sly smile on his lips. His hair is messed up, his clothes are casual, just a gray sweatshirt and a white shirt, but he still looks so fucking gorgeous even without making any effort and it's so unfair. So unfair that he doesn't have to say anything or touch you to send shivers through your body.

"You ask me to come over, but won't you let me in?" he asks in a mocking tone, raising an eyebrow, on which a recently applied piercing stands out.

You try to disguise your dazed state and shrug, making room for him to finally enter and walk over to the sofa, where he sits casually. Legs spread, arms crossed, questioning gaze burning under your face and you want a hole to open up beneath you and take you away.

It's all so embarrassing now that your courage has evaporated.

"Come here", he invites, knowing that if it depends on you and your cowardice nothing will happen.

Your legs are wobbly and you feel like you're going to collapse with every step you take towards him, but what really caused you to fall was the touch of his big hands on your hips when you were close enough, pulling you forward, until make sure you're sitting under it, one leg on either side of your well-fitted thighs.

"Hi," he says softly.

"Hey", you reply bringing your eyes to his and regret it immediately, you know you don't have the guts to face him.

"Why am I here, Y/N?" he brings his tattooed hand to the side of your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb, causing those damn butterflies in your stomach.

"I just…I just missed you," your reply is no more than a whisper, but it's enough for him to break the distance between you.

The first contact of his lips against yours is soft, cautious and gentle, as if he is testing the waters before diving in, and when he finally feels safe he asks permission to introduce his tongue into your mouth and you immediately grant. A sigh of pure pleasure coming from both parties is suppressed by the kiss.

The hand previously on your cheek goes to your neck, where he squeezes lightly, while the other on your hip pulls you closer, wanting some friction against the erection between his legs. He would never let you know, but he was about to jerk off thinking about you when he got your text. He missed you so much, but unlike you, he didn't do anything about it. He didn't want to disturb your peace because of selfish desire.

"I want you so much," he confesses against your lips. "Let me take care of you," he asks as he places a kiss on your chin, you just nod frantically, wanting to feel anything. "I want to hear you"

"Please Jungkook... Do something!", you begs in his arms.

"Needy girl", he teases getting up from the couch with you in his arms and you soon understand that his intention is to carry you to his room.

Something inside you screams to stop him, that you better do what you're going to do in the living room, because how are you going to sleep soundly when he's gone if his scent is saturated in your sheets? But you just ignore it, enjoying the feel of his strong arms around your body.

The soft mattress on your back brings you back to reality. Jungkook is now in front of you, getting rid of his shirt, before coming back to you and covering your lips with his, caressing every part his hands could reach.

"Can I take this off?" he refers to your shirt and you mumble a positive answer, helping him undress you. "Fuck…" is all he can say as he takes in the sight. You're wearing nothing but delicate panties, in which he can see a wet stain on your needy pussy. "You are so beautiful, princess," he places a kiss on your right breast. "So fucking perfect," he kisses the left one too, before wrapping his warm tongue around the sensitive nipple and sucking, using one hand to stimulate the other

"Jungkook, shit!" you fidget beneath him, wanting more and more.His lips stop working on your breasts and create a path marked by kisses towards the middle of your legs. He gives you a look that conveys a request for permission, and when you offer a smile that says "yes," he pulls the fabric of your panties down.

"God!" you gasp as he dives into your soaked core as you tuck both your legs under his shoulders.

Unconsciously, you roll against his face and bring one hand to the long strands in an attempt to feel him more.

His expert tongue explores your pussy with smooth and precise movements, traversing your folds playing with your needy clit and teasing your entrance, preparing you to receive him.

"Jungkook, please!" you beg, feeling like you might explode at any moment.

“I want you to come on my tongue, angel,” he says full of conviction, going back to working wonders on your pussy.

You soon feel your orgasm approaching, your legs automatically trying to close but are held back by his hands. Finally, between desperate moans and deep sighs, you release all the pleasure accumulated under your belly.

"Good girl," he says pulling his face away from your intimacy and hovering under your shivering body again.

You are able to taste yourself in the next kiss you share. It's so dirty the way he sucks your tongue, bites your lips and rubs against your thigh.

"I need to fuck you," he says breathlessly, pulling down his pants along with his underwear.

The distant moment doesn't last long, as he hastily gets back under you, between your legs. He uses one hand to support his own weight, while the other pumps the erect cock a few times before directing it to your core. Jungkook runs the swollen glans through your wet folds from your recent orgasm, without taking his eyes off you.

"Fuck…" he curses, forcing the tip into your entrance, letting out an erotic moan as he finally manages to penetrate the length.

He slides in slowly, delighting in your walls enveloping his cock. So hot and tight and wet.

"J-Jungkook," you purr breathlessly. Missed his dick stretching you so much. It's so delicious and painful.

Slowly, he starts moving his hips, moving in and out of you unhurriedly, enjoying the moment, wanting it to last as long as possible, because he has no idea when, if ever, he will have that opportunity again.

...

You open your eyes with some difficulty due to the sudden light coming in through the blinds. Your naked body is sore and there is a discomfort between your legs.

He was gone, before you even woke up. No time for bullshit talk about who's to blame for the breakup.

#jungkook smut #jungkook x female reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook drabble #jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook smut #bts scenarios #bts smut

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lesbianasfuckwomen · 5 months

Text

Its the windmill's birthday!

Sanemi like to think of himself as a calm stable individual

He likes to think of himself as a level headed person, a person who wouldn't dare lift a single finger on a person.

So as any calm, sane, stable, and level headed person would do, he was keeping himself from wrapping his hands around the water pillar and choking the everliving life out of those blue eyes.

"Fuckin hell, is there anybody else here? I would take the fucking seaweed head then to be in the same room as mister 'I'm not like the rest of you'"

Now, any sane person would know not to reply to Sanemi since he looked as if he was about to commit murder at any moment but Tomioka Giyuu was everything but sane.

"Hello Shinazugawa, do you know what the date is?"

To be honest, Sanemi couldn't have given a single flying fuck about the date. To him everyday was the same. Clean up from the night before, help Shinobu out in the mansion, Complain to Iguro about some slayers, check on Genya, get assigned a mission, kill demon. and repeat.

He was on the way to check on Genya the stone mansion when an emergency hashira meeting was called thus landing him here, in the same room alone with mismatched haori.

It's safe to assume that Sanemi was pissed.

"Why the fuck would I know the date? And where the fuck are all the others? Himejima-san wouldn't dare being late to a hashira meeting"

"..."

"Well don't just be a stand alone silent bitch, say something!"

"You really don't know the date?"

Huh?

Okay what was so important about the date that Tomioka fucking Giyuu, the guy that didn't give a shit about time, to be so persistant for him to know the date?

Well, Sanemi knew around 4 days ago it was the 25th. So if he were to add 4 days to 25 he would get

"The 29th of November. There, happy now?"

"...Thats it?"

If Sanemi was pissed before (which he was) he was a boiling over volcano now.

"Yes thats it. What else do you want me to say edge lord? A couple days after that one American holiday?"

"Wow, didn't peg you to be the forgetful type Sanemi, thought that was Tokito's job."

"Fuck you, my memory is just fine!"

"Tokito refrain from cursing. Obanai stop picking fights with little kids. Sanemi are you really that stupid?"

"Fuck you Shinobu, i'm not stupid"

"Shinazugawa I will kindly ask you to refrain from cursing. We have a child here"

"Himejima-san, that 'child' just cursed out Obanai"

"Ara Ara Tomioka-san! You should speak up a bit more frequently, other people didn't even notice you!"

"e-eh, Tokito-kun, Shinazugawa-san, we shouldn't curse each other out!"

"I agree with Kanroji"

"Aren't you in lo-"

"Shut it Tokito"

Sanemi snorted, happy that he wasn't stuck with depressed emo nerd, but it wasn't long until Obanai's words caught up to him.

"Iguro what did you mean by me being forgetful? I don't think anything important is happening today"

"HAAAH? YOU FORGOT!?"

"Mitsuri if you could lower your voice"

"Right, sorry Shinobu. You forgot!?"

Now Sanemi wasn't angry, he was just confused.

"Alright, first Tomioka drilling me about the date, second Shinobu calling me an idiot and third you telling me I forgot about something? Okay if I forgot about something what did I forget about?"

"Your birthday silly!"

Oh. Oh. OHHHHH.

Oh shit

Thats what he forgot about.

So what, he's 22 now.

He never really celebrated his birthday, too focused on surviving in the hellhole he was supposed to call home. After his father sperm donor was killed, he kind of forgot his birthday existed.

"Wait- how did you guys know it was my birthday?"

"Thats for us to know"

"Iguro you little shit-"

Sanemi sighed and flushed a little red, embarrassed that he forgot, and came face to face with Tomioka the mother fucking Giyuu. Wayyy to close.

If Sanemi was a bit pink then he was a fucking tomato now. One thing he noticed was that Giyuu was holding an ohagi.

"Here, happy birthday"

Sanemi snatched the ohagi from Giyuu's hands and took a bite. It melted right on his tongue and hit the spot. It was the perfect amount of quantity, quality, and sweetness.

"I hope you like it. Genya told me how you like and how to make it. He's a sweet person, your brother. He's also adorable when he focuses. Hope you enjoy it 'Nemi'"

Sanemi likes to consider himself as a very nice person.

So as any calm, sane, stable, level headed person would do, he lunged for Tomioka's throat and proceeded to strangle the everliving shit out of the water hashira.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY FUCKING BROTHER!"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHINAZUGAWA SANEMI!!!!!!!!!!!

Sanemi is my favorite hashira by far. He is also one of the most complicated character I have ever seen. Happy birthday you emotionally constipated white-haired menace!

#kny #demon slayer #sanemi shinaguzawa #giyuu tomioka #obanai iguro #muichiro tokito #shinobu kocho #gyomei himejima #mitsuri kanroji #genya shinazugawa #hashira #happy birthday sanemi #eat your ohagi son #fanfiction #fanfic

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iamamythologicalcreature · 9 months

Text

Can I be real for a second?

I’ve gone back and forth in my head about whether or not to post about this very real side of me online or not. There’s nothing shameful about being disabled, but I don’t want to be known as my disability, either. I don’t want that to be my identity.

But I’m hoping to post some of my writing tomorrow for Six Sentence Sunday. Post something I’ve written, albeit just a small bit, online where anyone can see it. It will be the first time I’ve done so since the car accident three years ago. And the truth is, the terrible truth is, my writing is what hurts the most.

Stories have always been a part of my life. They have always been my motivation, why I slogged through everything else - my reason for existing. I wrote novels and hoped to publish, and I fell in love with the writing community and made it my home. I volunteered and organized events. I created an extremely successful and fulfilling teen writing club where I taught creative writing. I was in love with stories, and writing them. I have never not been in love with stories.

(Before I was a writer I was an artist. I’m not going to go into that part of my life in detail, but it was just as heavily affected.)

At the beginning of 2020 I was in a car accident. The driver at fault was pulling out of a bar parking lot in the middle of the day. Make of that what you will. The accident he caused left me with more than a few issues, but for this post I’m focusing on the vision impairment.

Because of COVID, I wasn’t able to seek any diagnosis or treatment until June. I didn’t even begin physical therapy until August. Due to a myriad of issues and unfortunate reasons, I couldn’t complete my treatment. That meant a year and a half of work and struggle went down the drain.

This continues to affect me in many ways. Sometimes it’s things that you might expect - I can’t read Tumblr, or books, most days. Some limitations are less obvious, like how I’m afraid to ask questions (e.g. “what kind of car did Fiona drive?”) because the resources to find the answers myself are out there. Why don’t I just google it? Or reference that amazing spreadsheet someone did? Why am I asking other people to do the work for me? Am I just lazy?

People don’t mean to judge (and I’m sure there are plenty who don’t). But my issues aren’t apparent, so they won’t know unless I take the time to explain it. Able-eyed people should be able to find these simple answers. Just look in the book.

So I don’t ask. Or I apologize a lot for asking. Because it’s just too hard to explain why I need such basic help. (And sadly, some people still don’t believe me and treat me as thought I’m making excuses.)

I lost most of my friends simply for being unable to chat online, particularly during lockdown. I kept three people in my life - the three people willing to break with their comfort zones and talk to me on the phone instead of via text or chat. Those people probably saved my life. I know everyone went through isolation issues in 2020. But I went through them unable to even use a computer or read a book.

Since I’m typing this, you can guess that I’ve recovered somewhat, or made some accommodations that help. Yes. I have. Both of those. But I still have more bad days than good. Typing too long, or playing a phone game, surfing Tumblr - anything done for too long can break my eyes and send me back into total isolation for days.

I was a really good writer. I would regularly write 10-20k every weekend, and I wrote well. I wrote great stuff. (Rough drafts are always rough drafts, but I felt good about what I wrote.) I would sink into a character and go for hours.

Here’s the part that’s relevant to me now: I can’t do that anymore. I can’t write for hours, I can’t take the time to slip into character. I’m doing really well if I can pound out a speedy 1k in 30 minutes and have it not break my eyes. (It usually breaks my eyes.)

If you’re a writer, though - or any kind of creative - you know that the need doesn’t just go away.

(I have tried to record notes on my phone, but I just cannot dictate writing fiction. Only my fingers know how to speak well, and in character. And no, I’m not going to learn braille. It would not be helpful.)

So I’m going to try to write. It’s going to suck, because the things I did to write well before are things I can’t do anymore. I will cry. And then I will wait a week or however long it takes for my eyes to chill the fuck out, and I’ll try again.

(I’ve also started treatment again, just this month. I have to start at square one again, which means it will get worse before it gets better. It will take time, and money - lots of both. Like years. But I can’t give up.)

Anyway. This is why I chose the Simon Snow fandom to try again, for the first time in forever. Because that’s the story, and those are the characters, and these are the people. I know it. So. Hi.

#this is real #some real me stuff in between the fun fandom fluff #reality of disability #actually disabled #vision impairment #keep on #carry on #simon snow series #fandom community #open for voice chat cause really...#questions accepted here #gulp here I go posting now

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justbreakonme · 1 year

Note

On my knees begging for a part two of this. Immaculate stuff

-@a-crumb-of-whump

(Oh no… I wrote that little one shot because I was hiding from the other sequels I’m supposed to write! But alas… @a-crumb-of-whump here’s for you!)

Caretaker sat in the waiting room.

They hadn’t slept since finding Whumpee. Hadn’t tried. They knew the second they did, all they would see behind their closed eyes would be whumpees face, screwed up in pain.

Pain that they had caused.

They kept their eyes open no matter how much they burned.

Caretaker sat in the waiting room.

Two days, 6 hours, and 17 minutes in the intensive care unit so far. They didn’t know how long it would take but they would be waiting for the second Whumpee was cleared for visitors.

They had gone over and over their apology, but nothing seemed to sum up what they needed to say.

They had hurt them. On purpose. Even to save their life, it felt unforgivable. Hadn’t they been through enough?

Caregiver sat in the waiting room.

Doctors had updated them a few hours ago that Whumpee was fighting, hard, and that they were doing all they could. It didn’t feel very reassuring, if everything was going to be okay, they would say that.

They don’t think they could make it if whumpee didn’t. Didn’t know if it would even be worth it to try.

But until they knew anything more, they’d be here.

Caretaker sat in the waiting room.

They hated waiting rooms. Always had, and always would, especially after this.

It felt like a type of purgatory, sitting here, unable to move. Not knowing was killing them, and yet they were scared to ask anyone what was going on.

So…

Caretaker sat in the waiting room.

It was cold.

Then it hurt. Everywhere.

A bone deep ache, like when they had gotten their wisdom teeth pulled, but infinitely worse.

“Ngh-“ something was wedged down their throat, and they gagged.

They couldn’t see, it felt like they couldn’t breathe or move or scream- Was their rescue just their hopeful imagination?

No, no, no please, that’s too cruel, please…

They wanted Caretaker, they wanted to go home.

Caretaker promised they could go home, with blue pajamas and coffee cake, to eat and sleep and just, exist.

“Put them under again- I know, I know!” came a muffled voice, distant but it seemed like they were shouting. But it wasn’t Caretaker.

No!

The pain was fading, but so was everything else. They had to stay awake, Caretaker said to stay awake!

Stay awake!

They tried to force their eyes open but the light was blinding.

Caretaker, where are you?!

There were more people yelling now, and something pinched their aching arm, hard.

Please, make them stop!

Please, I need you!

Please, I love you, I want to go home, you said we could go home, you promised!

But their thoughts had already started to break up and drift away like a thawing river, and soon there was nothing once more…

Edit: part three as requested here!

#whump #whumpee #caretaker #whump prompts #whump prompt #rescue #kidnapping #whump scenario #I don’t know how long I’ll carry this on but if y’all like it #🤷🏻

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rozcdust · 1 year

Text

Addicted

Pairing: Ran Haitani x f!reader x Kakucho Hitto

Genre: Crack, SMAU

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: Canon divergent, ooc, profanity, substance abuse, kind of locker room talk

masterlist

It wasn’t always, but since throwing himself in the world of Bonten and near constant threats of death, it got to be in Kakucho’s nature to investigate people before engaging for a prolonged period of time, to gather enough blackmail and dirty secrets to be a threat.

Yet, there was hardly anything dirty to be found on you.

And not because you didn’t have plenty of filthy, nasty little secrets, no, it was because you were so goddamn open about them.

It was one of those lazy afternoons, where after the meeting, everyone stuck around for a little longer, lounging on sofas and just existing in each other’s presence, some chatting, some doing their own thing, but together nonetheless.

He suspected Kokonoi was the only one actually working, though, as Mikey was probably just watching Netflix on his phone, snacking, Ran engaging in idle chat with Mochi, absentmindedly petting Rindou’s hair as the younger tried to sleep, head placed on Haruchiyo’s lap and legs over Kakucho’s.

Kakucho sighed, scrolling on his laptop, through the archive of files he dug up on you, and they told him everything and nothing.

There were no police records, you didn’t have a file, although he found a report on your mother’s car accident. She died when you were a little over 3 years old, and you were an only child, your father never married afterwards, passing two years ago due to complications during a liver transplant.

Your love for games of luck was a well-known fact, as was your engagement to Naoto fucking Tachibana out of all people, but the two of you seemingly broke it off out of nowhere, mere few weeks before the wedding.

You also inherited your father’s IT firm, and seemed to run it well.

Kakucho couldn’t find anything else.

Sanzu peeked over his shoulders, reading along, cockily smirking before Kakucho even had a chance to slam his laptop shut.

“Searching up our y/n? My, my, Kakucho, are you interested in her?”

Kakucho scoffed, throwing the man a nasty look, but refused to relent into Sanzu’s teasing.

“I’d suggest you go for it, she liked you, and she’s not the type to be on the market for long, never was. Plenty of men and women interested in warming her bed.”

“Plenty of douchebags interested in a bitch.” Kokonoi muttered from the side, gaze still fixed on his work, “If you want someone to fuck you up, go ahead, sign up for the circus.”

Sanzu laughed.

The conversation seemingly caught Mikey’s attention, and he threw a look between Kakucho and Kokonoi, seemingly pondering about something.

“She is a blood-sucking fiend, correct, but she has her good qualities too.” Mikey mused, shutting everyone up in a second as everyone fixated their gaze on him, “She’ll never leave you high and dry, at least. Kinda reminds me of Ran over here.”

“Excuse me, I’d be an excellent boyfriend.” Ran grumbled, turning his nose up in offence when Rindou, Sanzu and Kokonoi started cackling.

“With your commitment issues, the tendency to ghost people and 24-hour napping? Doubtful.”

His face turning serious now, Ran looked at Kakucho, seemingly deep in thought.

Deep in trying to pretend he wasn’t a sad and lonely loser with a desperate crush.

“Go for it Kaku, why not? You’ve been alone in a while, a few months of having fun won’t kill you.”

Kakucho opened his mouth to at least try and defend himself, but Kokonoi cut him off firmly.

“Don’t. Go for anyone else, hell, you’d be better off going for fucking Sanzu-“

“Hey! I am very happily taken!”

“Than her. You deserve at least some joy in your misery of a life, and you won’t get it with her.”

Kakucho wasn’t sure if he should be complimented or insulted.

Mikey and Sanzu rolled their eyes simultaneously.

“Put it to rest, Kokonoi.”

“Hey, Kakucho.” Sanzu smirked suddenly, and Kakucho wasn’t sure he liked it when the older man put his hand on his shoulder, “I know y/n’s going out tonight, to Ran’s and Rin’s club, actually. Why not stop by?”

Kakucho pondered over it.

The day of the car accident was coming up, and he could use a little harmless fun to get it off his mind.

“I hate it already!” Draken yelled into your ear, face sour as one of his arms was wrapped around Inui’s waist, the other occupied with his drink.

“C’mon, Kenny boy, live a little! It’s fun!” You yelled back, the smile echoed into your cheeks, containing the urge to laugh at your friend’s miserable state.

At least the rest knew how to have some fun.

Mitsuya and Hakkai were dancing together, fingers interlaced, way too slow for the rushed beat of the song, but they’ve always been like that, way too lovey-dovey and cute and borderline making everyone else gag.

At least the pet shop bitches knew how to have fun, shaking their hips to the beat and grinding all over each other, borderline fucking on the dance floor, as God always intended.

Flicking your eyes up to Draken and Inui, you could already tell they’d be good for nothing in that department, if anything, they’ll probably have a lazy makeout session in the booth, and you didn’t want to be anywhere near for when that happened.

Downing your drink, you went ahead to sway to the beat alone, close enough so Draken could see you, but far enough away that you could pretend he didn’t.

He has been fussing over you since the two of you were 9, and it doesn’t seem to be improving with age, no matter how many times you tell him you’re all grown up now.

Soft idiot.

An arm sneaks it’s way around your waist, interrupting your train of thought, and you don’t even have time to turn and glance at the person responsible.

“Hi, pretty girl.” A familiar, husky voice fills your ears, sending a pleasant shiver up your spine.

“Hello.” You reply back softly, allowing him to turn you around, his hands still locked firmly around your waist, “Long time no see. Assumed you’d never call back.”

Kakucho smiled, too softly for a man like him.

“Got busy, sorry.”

“Wow, I’m not a priority after the two times we’ve spoken? How horrible!“

He rolled his eyes, but there was no malice behind the act, no insult at all.

You found he looked just as handsome under the dim, flashing lights of the club as he did in the bright light of the wedding hall, a graceful sort of beauty adorning his face, his eyes clear and warm and his smile pleasant, even if his face betrays his real emotions, his real intentions.

You were staring into the eyes of a man in depths of misery, just trying to find a way to forget.

People often assumed you didn’t care about others’ feelings, or merely didn’t notice them at all, considering you to be a spoiled brat with no kindness or consideration for others.

You merely considered one’s private feelings their own business, and it wasn’t something you felt the need to pry into.

“Wanna get out of here?” You ask, your hands making their way onto Kakucho’s shoulders and around his neck, your fingertips lightly caressing his nape.

He smirked, and your suspicions got confirmed.

. . . next

🔖Taglist (open):

@dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @7rkx @graythecoffeebean @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @shiyuumisaki @xashiui @bontens-whore @chronic-claire-universe @nqctre @crybabylisa @adeptiixiao @denkis-sluttyboy @yukimaniac @toobsessedsstuff @yuushs @sh4nn @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @syddisheep @satsuri3su @soushswag @wisteria-aa @bontensbabygirl @qualitygiantshoepsychic @levii-s @astropheia @galactict3a @a-toxic-person @inurmom00 @eriislost @phoenixflames498 @luvjiro

a/n: just to let you guys know, updates will be delayed for all fics bc a bitch got ✨ e x a m s ✨

#tokyorev #tokyo revengers #kakucho x you #kakucho x reader #bonten #kakucho hitto #bonten x reader #rindou haitani #ran haitani #sanzu haruchiyo #kokonoi hajime #mikey sano

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borahaerhy · 5 months

Text

Sorting the BTS Members into Hogwarts Houses bc I can

My credentials: I have two hyper fixations in my life, the only two things I actually care about, the only two things I spend all day and night thinking about and they are: Harry Potter and BTS.

Without further ado, here is how I would sort them

THERE ARE ONLY TWO THAT I AM CERTAIN OF, ONLY TWO THAT I AM ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE THAT THEY ARE IN THESE HOUSES AND THEY ARE:

Jung Hoseok: Hufflepuff

Where tf else would he go

Sweetie pie

Chill

Always trying to be nice to everyone and make everyone seem loved and appreciated

Possibly a stoner

OBSCENELY humble and cool

Mom Friend™

Min Yoongi: Slytherin

Smart as fuck

Knows what he’s good at and doesn’t need any validation whatsoever

Not unwilling to cheat in order to win a game

Along that note: Competitive

EXTREMELY prideful in where he came from

Confident

NOW AS FOR THE NEXT TWO, I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN ON WHAT HOUSE THEY WOULD BE PLACED IN, BUT I COULD SEE ARGUMENTS MADE FOR OTHERS. THEY ARE:

Kim Seokjin: Gryffindor (?)

Cool Guy™

Funny, class clown type

Studies well, but prefers to do just about anything else

Competative, but moreso in theory

Like he goes to all the quidditch matches and screams so loudly for his team, and talks made shit on whoever they’re playing against, but would never actually play the sport.

Overly Confident

HOWEVER

I could literally see him being sorted into any of the houses and it making sense.

Hufflepuff?

Sure, he’s a chill guy.

Prefers to spend his time relaxing rather than doing things

Has known how to sneak into the kitchens since first year, and does it almost nightly.

Ravenclaw?

Why not? He’s smart and works hard

Dad jokes are basically cheesy riddles, so he can get into the common room no problem

Would probably be studying anything other than what’s been assigned to him.

Slytherin?

He might not fit in perfectly, but the traits are there

Smart mouthed and overly confident

Doesn’t need validation from anyone

Competative - very okay with cheating/lying in order to win the game

It’s all in the name of fun, right?

He could be literally any of them bro idek at this point.

Kim Taehyung: Hufflepuff

All for chilling the fuck out

Sporatically hyper

Also possibly a stoner

Doesn’t like when others are left out

LOVES ANIMALS

Also class clown vibes but more like he just wasn’t paying attention and was accidentally funny when he was called on

BUT I could see the argument for Ravenclaw:

So smart bro

Would have an absolute blast with the riddles

Probably loves researching niche topics that have nothing to do with anything but he’d much rather know if polyjuice potion would give it’s user the same ailments as the person they’re becoming than complete the essay McGonogall assigned two weeks ago

You can’t really tell if he's just really smart or a little crazy (affectionate)

NOW, WE MOVE ONTO THE BANE OF MY EXISTANCE, FOR HE IS SPLIT DEADASS DOWN THE MIDDLE BETWEEN TWO HOUSES, AND I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME DECIDE WHICH ONE IS MORE ACCURATE. I PRESENT TO YOU:

Park Jimin: Slytherin/Hufflepuff

He’s a Slytherin because:

Smart, but make it mischievous

Knows exactly how to get what he wants

Very sure of himself

C O M P E T A T I V E

Get’s top grades and will tell everyone about it

Generally not unwilling to cut a bitch

But he’s a Hufflepuff because:

The most loyal and empathetic man to maybe have ever existed

Will do anything to make his friends/loved ones happy

There are more important things than academics (still gets top grades though)

Generally not unwilling to cut a bitch

AND FINALLY, THIS LAST SECTION COULD’VE GONE INTO THE SECOND SECTION JUST FINE, BUT I’M PETTY AND DISAGREE WITH NAMJOON’S SORTING DECISIONS (that he made like 7 years ago) AND LIKE I CAN SEE HIS POINT BUT HE’S SO WRONG. FINALLY, AT LONG LAST, WE HAVE:

Jeon Jungkook: Ravenclaw/Gryffindor

He’s a Ravenclaw because:

Very smart, and he definitely prides himself on it to some degree

A true Jack of all Trades

Wants to be the best at everything, and is very willing to work towards getting it

Namjoon said he’d be a Ravenclaw (and who am I to argue with Joonie?)

But he’s a Gryffindor because:

Outwardly, he’s the most Gryffindor person you could get

Competative

Athletic

Academically driven

Popular Jock type

A mischievous little shit

Seriously, would make the Marauders proud

But he would take the house cup so fucking seriously guys

I cannot stress that enough

If they lost even one of the years he attended Hogwarts

He’d never let it go. It would keep him up at night for years to come

(And I feel like that’s a very Gryffindor trait)

(Turns out I’m very willing to argue with Joonie. Sorry, babe)

Note: Regardless of all of this, I think it'd would be hilarious if Jungkook was still sorted into Ravenclaw. He's just outwardly extremely Gryffindor, bringing complete chaos and unprecedented success to Ravenclaw that they haven't seen in centuries. 10/10 concept.

SPEAKING OF JOON:

Kim Namjoon: Gryffindor/Ravenclaw

He’s a Gryffindor Because:

Outrageous amounts of leadership potential

Because Namjoon said he’d be a Gryffin– damn I already made that joke

But he’s a Ravenclaw because:

Do I really have to say it?

The smartest person I’ve never met

An actual genius

Would get top grades but only because he’s smart so everyone expects him to

Would much rather be researching literally anything else

Animagi

Unicorns

The Philosopher's Stone

Literally anything because he’s in a magic school and anything’s possible

(He would also be muggleborn, but that’s more of my own headcannon)

Really couldn’t give a fuck less about Quidditch

Or winning the house cup

Wtf is house pride? I’m just here to read, man

ALSO, in my PROFESSIONAL OPINION, he would really fw Divination, and I generally just don't think Gryffindor's really do, because it's so theoretical.

If you have any other points that I've overlooked please let me know, I love talking about this kind of shit.

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addcests · 5 months

Text

a family is you, and you, and :: ch1 - ao3 mirror

pairing the addcest is there if you believe

words 1214

rating [T]

summary "Hey, Dominator, where's Psyker?" It's an innocent question, at first. And then it rings, rings, rings through Dominator's mind constantly, like an incessant nagging that he doesn't want to quite acknowledge presently. Not yet. So he doesn't. "He's out." It's not a complete lie, anyway. --- If you'd ask each Add what family meant, they'd have similarly different answers. A contradiction in and of itself—a testament to the very conception of their existence. Yet, there lies one thing wholly similar; a conviction all three share: they'd fight for their family. And now they must.

note welcome to the found family Add fic that no one asked for :'D i feel like this fic is very different for me. in a lot of ways + this fic is very story/plot-driven in comparison to most of my other writing if that makes sense too! so... this has been a fic of great personal exploration for me... with many struggles! this fic has also been in the works for a year now and has about half its chapters done! i truly aim to finish this one 😭 anyway... even though it's a bit different, and even though i have lots of hopes and ideas i'm not sure i quite captured how i'd like, i hope you all can find something to still like about it and enjoy the fun i had writing this silly little thing... ! thanks so much for supporting my writing all these years! cheers o/ note pt. 2: will be uploading chapter 2 soon as well!

“Hey, Dominator, where’s Psyker?”

It’s an innocent question, at first. And then it rings, rings, rings through Dominator’s mind constantly, like an incessant nagging that he doesn’t want to quite acknowledge presently. Not yet. So he doesn’t.

“He’s out.”

It’s not a complete lie, anyway.

“Hmm,” comes Esper’s reply, unsatisfied certainly but Dominator isn’t here to satisfy the ever-curious time hopper’s curiosity.

Instead of the topic at hand, the scientist switches to something else revolving around the brawler since he seems so keen on talking about him. He clears his throat, nudging some of his holographic displays aside, and rolling back in his chair to at least make eye contact with Esper finally, then starts, “Speaking of him, if you hang around here too long. As you know, Psyker will be upset if you miss dinner. It’s about that time, isn’t it?” Dominator tries to put on a convincing smile. “He likes feeding you.” As it’s in his nature, the way his smile curves into a teasing smirk is something he does little to prevent. “He always did have a soft spot for you, you know.”

At that, Esper sports a slight warmth on his cheeks for a fraction of a second then just as quickly turns to regard Dominator fully too. Pauses. There is something more on his mind. They both know it. Esper, normally not one to hold back on his thoughts, does just that instead.

Dominator does not want to think about why. And fortunately for the unnerved scientist, Esper decides to spare him this time.

What he says instead is, “I’ll save you a slice of cheesecake for next time. I’m sure he won’t mind.” Esper flashes a full teeth smile towards Dominator as he opens up a portal.

“I don’t think he’d appreciate that." But despite disagreeing, Dominator’s voice is light and mirthful, chuckling at Esper’s own bemused shrug.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

And, just like that, in a blink of an eye, it’s almost as if Esper were never there to begin with.

Despite that, the now-gone Esper isn’t aware of how those words linger heavily, stunning the scientist into a silenced little stupor.

A few moments pass and Dominator turns away from the space he’d been occupying mere moments ago. He swivels back to his numerous displays of information and numbers and his mind wanders, numbly. It isn’t until some ding of a process that indicates it is now complete that draws him back to the present. His hands move with automaticity. He types along his holographic keypads, works a little more, and then he blinks and finally stands. He’s unsure if it’s minutes later or hours that drag on. Working in such a way tends to have that sort of effect on him. Makes him lose track of time. But he does not mind.

Standing, he grimaces when he feels his joints protest at the sudden movement. He rubs the palm of his hand to the new knots at his back that he knows he has now from sitting hunched over as he does. Despite overworking himself like this, it isn’t how he toils away for long, grueling hours but it’s the surprise visit that leaves him drained of any motivation to continue. With Esper, there are always more questions than answers—more questions that he can't even begin to fathom presently.

Thus, he feels he is due for a long, long nap.

Stepping into the corridor, the alarmingly loud echo of his shoes clacking against floor tiles is painfully sharp even to his ears. He’s long learned how to drown out that sound though. He finally slips into his bedroom, away from the lab, and starts to dress down, making himself comfortable. Discarding his scarf and reaching for his turtleneck next, fingers at the hem, he stops, however.

A photo in a surprisingly plain-looking wooden frame sitting upright catches his wandering gaze.

It’s a picture of them—Mastermind. Himself from before. And, the one Esper keeps asking after, Psyker. Esper is there too, in the middle. They’re smiling, Psyker has him tugged into a hug that he’s trying to push away from but it’s no use thanks to Esper. Psyker is flashing one of those thousand-watt smiles, grinning so brightly. Esper’s connecting them both, hand on Psyker’s shoulder, and his arm linked around Mastermind's waist, beaming happily. Meanwhile, he’s unable to hide his own bashful pout but there’s clearly an arm around Esper as well, tugging him close to his side.

He remembers this picture well.

Dominator flips the picture down on the nightstand, gets into bed, and tries his hardest not to remember.

===== → loading … :\\ destination found: 100% =====

“Hey, Psyker, where’s Esper?”

“Iunno, but I do know he’s late, that’s what he is. This isn’t gonna stay warm forever.”

“Oh, stop that.” Mastermind walks over to the pouting Psyker and nudges him, then takes a seat at their dining table, waving his hand. “You know he wouldn’t miss his favorite for the world. Especially if it’s made by you,” he adds, sneering at the brawler. Having said his piece, he nudges Apocalypse onto the surface, reduced down to his mini form, and looks over some data from earlier in the day that his companion cube relays to him.

“Oi, no work at the table.” Psyker stomps his way over to the scientist, patting along Apocalypse’s surface until it beeps off.

Mastermind exclaims loudly in surprise when his flow of numbers fade away and instead, through the transparency of blank screens, he’s met with Psyker’s annoyed glare. He scoffs and folds his arms, then just as quickly unfolds them and gestures to the now offline Apocalypse, “I was reading that!”

“No work at the table,” Psyker says again, enunciating each syllable clearly through gritted teeth, waving a threatening spatula his way.

“And I said—!”

It’s at that moment that a portal rips open, flinging out Esper at full force who just so happens to land in Mastermind’s arms. Ungracefully. Mastermind, not Esper.

Esper is too busy snuggling up to the poor scientist that’s currently too flabbergasted to realize what’s even happened in the span of a few seconds, struggling to even hold them both upright.

“Well, speak of the devil. I was gonna ask you to help but looks like your hands are… preoccupied,” Psyker snickers their way, not missing Esper’s equally shit-eating grin. “I’ll get everything set up then.”

“Psyker!” Comes Mastermind’s shrill voice, displeased. “Esper! Keep your hands above my shoulders!”

“But I missed you,” comes the time hopper’s childish reply, whining as he seats himself in Mastermind’s lap, attention flipping between the scientist and his unguarded cheesecake in the distance.

Another time.

“Well!” And Mastermind’s got no reply for that. So he settles for the next best thing: deflecting. He starts again, “Where were you, anyway? Stop leaving so much,” and he pauses, sneering at Psyker’s back turned to them, “or else this guy’s going to keep complaining and whine to me about it.”

“I do not whine!”

And almost like nothing’s changed since his little excursion, the two continue their bickering and Esper snuggles more into Mastermind, making himself comfortable as Psyker makes his way back over, their plates of food in hand.

It’s good to be home again.

#addcest #diabolic esper #mastermind (elsword)#lunatic psyker #but is it really lmao #my fanfiction #i forgot my tags lmao i'll find them later

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ell-vellan · 4 months

Text

WIP WThursday

since @the-grandest-plan suggested this, I've been slowly picking away at a pre-Inquisition Bull meeting Krem story. I read a really amazing fic from Krem's POV that details this same thing but I haven't seen one from Bull's yet - I'm sure they exist! - but anyway, here's a tidbit:

There was something off about the kid in the corner.

The Iron Bull kept coming back to the guy as he made his routine visual sweeps of the packed tavern, only half listening to whatever his guys at the table were grousing about now. They were here blowing off steam after the last job went sideways, and Bull figured this was as good place as any to cool their heels before heading out to the next one.

Bull liked the Dragon’s Flagon for a couple reasons. The name, for one. The atmosphere, for two. Bull was friendly with the barman, and people tended to mind their business here in this ramshackle border town a stone’s throw from Tevinter – which is about as close to ‘vint territory as Bull was comfortable. He hadn’t gotten orders clearing him to cross into the Imperium, which was more than fine by him.

The Ben Hassrath trained him to take in all visual information at a glance and filter out relevant details, no matter how small. It was second nature now, even here, away from Seheron and the Qun, and where he was marginally less likely to get jumped for no damn good reason.

Every detail of a person’s dress, manner, posture were like words in a book. The marks on their body, the words they said and how they said ‘em, lingering scents. His survival instinct kept it all running in the background, scanning for any behavior that didn't fit.

Within minutes entering any room, Bull had a running count of how many guys had the potential to be problems, mapped every potential exit, and scoped the layout for anything that he could use to his advantage if trouble broke out. He had a sixth sense for things that were out of place. Sometimes they were harmless. Most of the time, in his line of work, they weren't.

But most of the intel he'd gathered here was mundane, just harmless background noise. A woman sitting alone, tapping her foot precisely to the beat of the lute-playing bard, familiar with the song. Two gruff dwarves sharing a table who hadn't said a word since they came in. A skinny young page with well-worn boots, knee bouncing, stuffing his face – just a messenger in a hurry to get back to work.

There were a couple of red flags. The lute player had calluses that Bull usually saw on the hands of skilled archers. Was the music thing her main gig, or was she an assassin on the side? One man in a cloak seated to his left was absently twirling a coin between his fingers. The dexterity of a gambler or street performer? Or a quick-fingered cutpurse, equally good with daggers?

Bull wasn't keen on finding out personally.

Bull and his Chargers had been to a lot of taverns and inns just like this on their travels looking for jobs and coin. This joint was your typical mix of patrons, the types he was used to seeing. Some he’d keep a closer eye on than others.

But something about the kid in the corner was niggling at him.

The kid had his back to Bull, so Bull had only caught glimpses of his profile, enough to see a strong jaw and a swarthy complexion. He had the look of a 'vint, but they were close enough to the border to not be unusual, so that couldn't be what was bothering Bull. Bull had pegged him as a farmhand at first glance. His clothes were loose-fitting, sun-bleached, dirty. Dark hair in a close-cropped style, a few weeks grown out. He had the hands of a working guy.

But there was something else off below the surface that wasn't immediately apparent, but made Bull keep sliding his gaze over to try to figure him out.

He'd learned to trust his gut about people a long time ago, even if this time he wasn't so sure it was specifically a threat that was nagging at him. Just something plain off.

The kid sat hunched, facing the door, kept glancing at it every few minutes like he was expecting trouble.

The way his right hand kept fidgeting at his side, like he kept checking for a sword that wasn't there…that wasn't a farmer’s habit.

#wip wednesday #more or less lol #my writing

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dancerladyaqua · 9 months

Note

Alear, Marth and Azura for the character asks?

Gets long, so under the read more~

Alear:

First impression: "These leaks cannot be real what the hell"

Impression now: MY SAD WET CAT. I WILL PROTECT HIM. Absolutely one of my favorite lords in the series.

Favorite moment: There are so many to choose from... I think I'll talk about Lumera's second death. I talked about it a lot here, but that scene is really where (esp. in the Japanese) Alear coalesces their mostly forgotten past with their present.

Idea for a story: Too many that I haven't finished and anything else I can think of is all Marlear content.

Unpopular opinion: Alear is great apparently

Favorite relationship: Marlear, they are so cute and supportive of each other. Of romanceable options, Alfred--he's Alear's first friend!

Favorite headcanon: Naps very often but occasionally gets annoyed with that. They don't like to feel like they're missing anything.

Marth:

First impression: Fun Smash Bros dude

Impression now: Gorgeous Smash Bros dude (jk, he's also kind and fair and just and what a good lord, very fitting for the first one/face of the franchise)

Favorite moment: I won't lie, I'm most familiar with his Engage form and FEH in recent memory so. Hmmm. We'll say his summoning by Alear.

Idea for a story: Emblem Marth coming to terms with being his own existence.

Unpopular opinion: I don't know what's popular and unpopular anymore :c Idk man he's pretty

Favorite relationship: Marlear. He and Caeda are cute as well.

Favorite headcanon: Emblem Marth has lots of difficulties with being essentially a copy of someone who existed millennia ago, much less someone not from Elyos. He hides it well but eventually reveals it to Alear.

Azura:

First impression: My current url is from when her name was first revealed so yes, I have always loved her.

Impression now: So beautiful and kind and also, I have a type when it comes to FE ladies (blue and mysterious).

Favorite moment: Nohr outfit dance... It did something to me.

Idea for a story: Emblem Azura being the Emblem of Revelation

Unpopular opinion: Like I said idk what's popular/unpopular anymore. Azura perfect I guess

Favorite relationship: Azura x m!Corrin (specifically)

Favorite headcanon: Sings Shigure to sleep every night...

#olivia talks #olivia asks

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phoneybeatlemania · 2 years

Note

Do you think john had an eating disorder? I never know what to think but I trust your opinions

Hiya anon! Sorry I took all day answering this, I was just out with friends yesterday [NOT celebrating the queens jubilee, but by all means celebrating Prince Andrews POSITIVE covid test even if its probably a straight up lie cause convenient timing, huh. I hope he's unwell though.]

My opinion on this is that John clearly struggled with disordered eating habits throughout his lifetime—at times they were pretty bad (i.e during touring), and at other times they seemed virtually non-existent (i.e apparently he was pretty relaxed about food when he was with May Pang [disclaimer: have not read her book yet though, so Im going off of what Ive heard])—and I think both his disordered eating behaviours and mentalities were prevalent enough to constitute an eating disorder. Disordered eating and Eating Disorders are not the same thing, although I find the distinctions between the two to be somewhat trivial at times, since there is so much overlap between them; to me, the key difference between being a disordered eater and having an eating disorder is all about the mentality—i.e a person may under-eat in their day-to-day life, but they might not be struggling with anorexia as a mental illness if the ED mentality is not there. Both are still issues of their own, but different—although to reiterate, very susceptible to overlap.

I made a post on this topic awhile ago, and although I don’t think I outright disagree with anything I said in that post, I have been wanting to remake it for sometime now, because Im constantly coming across new tidbits of information that corroborate this.

As I said in the post, I think John probably had EDNOS [or Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified], sometimes called OSFED [Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders].

More below the cut!

Here’s the definition of EDNOS:

EDNOS refers to eating disorders that display some of the characteristics of other disorders, such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, but the behaviours of which do not fit the full criteria of these conditions.

Ednos consists of cycles of restricting food, then bingeing, followed by purging after feelings of shame and guilt. An obsessive nature and over awareness is common surrounding food, weight, and calorie control, where restricting and avoiding meals is another of the many symptoms.

Someone living with Ednos may have certain rules about the types of food they can or can't eat and at what times they believe they are allowed to eat. Behaviours such as using laxatives, vomiting, or over exercising are often expressed as a way of compensating for eating. Bingeing on large quantities of food is common, followed by a period of restrictive or purging behaviours. Ednos is massively under reported in the media but makes up for a large percentage of eating disorders worldwide. (x)

First off, I just want to take a second to address the rumour that John had bulimia. Im discounting this argument from my post, simply because it lacks any evidence to corroborate it, and overall seems to me like its the product of exploitative journalists more then anything else. For example, it was alleged in the book Backstagepass VIP by Debra Sharon Davis:

‘John and I were having a heart-to-heart,’ recalled Nilsson, who died back in 1994. ‘Then all of a sudden John went off about how powerful men had ravenous appetites and wanted to swallow the world whole. And he thought that was why he had this horrible problem – being hungry all the time and overeating. 'He said he often fantasised about large quantities of “forbidden” foods. He said food was “sacred” to him and it frightened him. He saw it as “a great weakness” and he referred to it as "a lack of discipline.”’ —Harry Nilsson, The Daily Mail 2012 (x)

If there is evidence to suggest that he struggled with bulimia I would of course consider it, but reading through articles like this one, even assuming the author is being truthful, theres still nothing to suggest he had a purging disorder specifically.

So onto the specifics of John’s eating disorder. It seems to me that John found himself in a restrict/binge cycle throughout the touring months of 1965/66, and possibly before and beyond both these years, although theres less documented evidence to suggest as such.

Here’s some documented behaviours John had surrounding food, that are all suggestive of an eating disorder:

This article:

“John has a tendency to gain a little weight between bookings, and he goes above his natural weight of 159 pounds. Right before a tour, he’ll start doing everything he can to lose weight.”

“…while the tour is on is the best time to reduce [food intake]”

“He sticks to one meal a day—steak and a huge salad.”

“Because of his diet, John won’t look at bread. On the evening of our first night i’ll find myself ordering the sandwiches for the others and a salad for John, plus a couple a couple of meat sandwiches because I know what’s coming.”

“After about an hours drive, John begins to look at me apprehensively. He has hunger pains in his eyes! Finally when he is about to ‘break down,’ I reach into my valise and pull out the meat sandwiches. […] John takes the meat out of the sandwiches and eats every tiny sliver he can find. Then he stuffs the leftover slices of bread into a bag, which I take from him (so that he wont break down again and eat those).”

“[Johns] main complaint is ‘How come Paul never gains an ounce—and he eats twice as much as I do?’ […] John is sure some kind of curse is set on his head—or his stomach as it were!”

“[John] has two sets of suits. One is for when he is normal weight, and the other is for when he trims down on tour. The worst part is I have to take a set of each on tour—just incase he gains or loses.”

— The Beatles and Me! by Neil Aspinall, 1965

[My Note: To me, this article seems the most crucial piece of evidence suggesting John was struggling with an ED that Ive come across so far. We have a document, written in real time, reporting on John showing very clear ED behaviours. The article literally states, “he sticks to one meal a day”, and then goes on to elaborate on John’s “break downs”, or what I would say are clearly binges (some might define a binge as being food-indulgence to an excess, although in my opinion when it comes to ED’s binges are more about feeling a loss of control around food rather then the actual quantity).

Restrict/binge cycles I think generally get under-recognised by people, because the common perception of anorexics is that they never eat, and when they do eat, they eat very little. But I think the reality is, is that very few anorexics will tell you they never experience binge episodes; when you’re under-nourished, its the bodies immediate natural response, and inavoidable in the long run.

I think it’s just such a sad read to be honest, especially the line “he has hunger pains in his eyes!”, because he was literally inflicting torture onto himself, putting himself through all this pain when he didn’t need to.]

“When 'Help' came out in '65, I was actually crying out for help. Most people think it's just a fast rock 'n roll song. I didn't realise it at the time; I just wrote the song because I was commissioned to write it for the movie. But later, I knew I really was crying out for help. It was my fat Elvis period. You see the movie: He—I—is very fat, very insecure, and he's completely lost himself. And I am singing about when I was so much younger and all the rest, looking back at how easy it was. Now I may be very positive...yes, yes...but I also go through deep depressions where I would like to jump out the window, you know. It becomes easier to deal with as I get older; I don't know whether you learn control or, when you grow up, you calm down a little. Anyway, I was fat and depressed and I was crying out for help.”

— John Lennon interview w/ David Sheff, Playboy, 1980 (x)

[My Note: What I find most interesting here is the element of introspect John has within this interview, recognising in retrospect his own insecurity and hollowness during that period of his life. Also it touches on a point I will move onto later, in that his ED was probably might have been a manifestation of his own self-hate.

Also gives us insight into how much his own insecurities were really just in his own head, because very few people would have seen him as "very fat". Im aware our perceptions of fat/thin have changed a lot since the sixties, but even at the time, most people wouldn't have considered him overweight. I am also aware of the alleged "fat beatle" article that came out in 1965, but Ive been unable to locate an exact source for that, or a source in which John makes reference to it, so Im not sure how to feel about that. ]

“Poor old Orson [Welles], though, he was troubled. He goes on [The] Dick Cavett Show and he’s sort of ‘Please love me, I’m a big fat man now and I’ve eaten all this food and I did do well when I was younger and I can act, I can direct, and you’re all very kind to me but at the moment I don’t do anything.’”

— John Lennon interview w/ Jann Wenner, Lennon Remembers, Rolling Stone Magazine, 1970

[My Note: Anyone else getting a little sense of projection from this comment?]

“He was tired of being the fat Beatle. He was really in shape. We used to call John Skinny Head when he pulled his hair back in a ponytail and make his face look narrow. He did it that day for the video and he shouldn’t have. When he saw the results, he went crazy. He just hated it.”

— Jack Douglas, RecordCollectorMag (x)

[Jack] Douglas and Lennon would eat egg-whites. “He used to be the fat Beatle” that’s why there were egg-whites only Douglas explains

— Jack Douglas to NBC (x)

[My Note: Though not immediately suggestive that John was struggling with an ED, we aren’t looking at these things in isolation, were looking at the whole picture, and within that picture behaviours like this—minimising caloric intake, food “rules” that one must abide by—this does suggest an eating disorder.]

“January 15 1966. Wearing their swimming suits they paraded down the largely empty strip of sand and then sat on sun loungers while journalists posed rapid-fire questions. John hated the resulting photographs, because they revealed him to be flabby and overweight. As a result, he would lose fourteen pounds by the time of the summer tour.)”

— Beatles ’66 by Steve Turner (pg. 59)

[My Note: Turner is a questionable source here, in that Im unsure where he drew the information that John hated his appearance in the photographs from the holiday (not that I find this unlikely, but I haven’t found an external source stating that he did). But again, this aligns with his touring behaviours in Aspinalls writings in the previous extract, and as well with Johns 1980 comments.]

“After 28 straight days of shouting, screaming, sketching, and eating28 different colours of ice cream, John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s Primal Scream therapy sessions with Arthur Janov at this London offices are concluded. He recommends that the Lennons fly out to Los Angeles and resume their treatment at his Primal Institute Clinic in California.”

[…]

“[John] is now 28 lbs heavier than when he left England last April. When asked about this, John put this down to “eating 28 different colours of ice-cream” during his course of treatment with Janov.”

— The Beatles Diary Volume 2: After the breakup 1970-2002 by Keith Badman & Barry Miles

“It was all very well for the mind but for the body it was terrible. I wore the same clothes for two years. I had two things: a jump suit, one you do the plumbing in. I had two of them. That’s all I wore for almost two years. Janov was an idiot but he was not bad. His therapy was good. He was a pain in the neck.”

— John Lennon interview w/ Frances Schoenberger, A Day With John Lennon (c. 1975) (x)

[My Note: As aforementioned, I think at times John went through periods where his eating was disordered, though the eating disorder mentality wasn’t necessarily present, and this is what I would consider symptomatic of that. John evidently wasn’t eating well during this period of his life, but it seems an unhealthy habit rather then a period of binge eating.]

There's also the argument that Johns weight loss was in large part due to his drug usage, and I agree with that, especially when it comes to heroin since we closely associate the physical symptoms of that addiction with noticeable weight loss. But a theory that I also have on this is that John might have also been using drugs like LSD in order to lose weight during the mid-60s. Purely speculative, I know, but just a theory I have that I don’t think is inconceivable since LSD can cause a loss of appetite, disrupt eating patterns, and trigger binge eating episodes following a trip. Ive also heard of anorexics using it in order to suppress their appetites (in a similar vein to cigarettes being used as an appetite suppressant).

Something I didn’t discuss in my original post is the argument for John having had orthorexia, which is characterised by an excessive preoccupation with eating healthy food. Ive been discussing this very recently with @damapajaro, and they’ve sent me some interesting sources that would corroborate this. Here are some extracts they’ve sent me, and some Ive found on my own:

November, 1980. John & Yoko are putting the finishing touches on 'Double Fantasy.’ […] One thing troubled me during the all-night recording sessions: the way John would slip from time to time into an adjoining lounge. The first thing that came to mind was drugs, because I was so used to seeing musicians pass around bowls of cocaine with the casualness of M&Ms. John had had drug problems earlier in his life, and I feared he had relapsed—despite all his talk about feeling healthier than ever. Maybe the pressure of being back in the studio was greater than he was letting on. At one point, I happened into the lounge and saw John at the far end of the narrow room. He was reaching for something on a cabinet shelf, and my first instinct was to go back into the studio so I wouldn't violate his privacy. But he spotted me and called me over, putting his finger up to his lips in a signal to be quiet. When I was next to him, he reached into the cabinet again and pulled out something wrapped in a towel.

"Want some?" he asked. "Just don't tell Mother" he said with a conspiratorial look. "She doesn't want me doing this anymore." As he opened the towel, I had to laugh. John Lennon's private stash turned out to be a giant-size Hershey bar. He broke off a chunk for me and one for himself. Holding his piece in a toast, John smiled and said, "Good to see you again.”

— Cornflakes with John Lennon by Robert Hilburn

“And while I wasn’t able to resist the temptation of sweets, John stuffed himself with nuts. That’s how he kept that figure slim and healthy: fighting his appetite with sunflower seeds, peanuts, pistachios or figs. He always said that the seeds were the best for health.”

— At John Lennons House by Rosaura Lopez

January 12, 1976, Sloppy Louie’s, New York City

We all got into John and Yoko’s limo. “What would you like to eat?” I asked them.

“We’re only eating fish,” John replied.

I asked the driver to take us to the nearby Fulton Fish Market area on the East River. After a short drive, he stopped in front of Sloppy Louie's, an area landmark.

— Lennon, The Mobster & The Lawyer by Jay Bergen

As Nanny's son Mike Cadwallader remembers, they confined themselves to expressive looks when Yoko commandeered their kitchens to prepare John's macrobiotic meals, and to surreptitious tut-tutting to each other about his drastically changed appearance. I overheard a lot of “He can't just eat beans…needs a proper meal…he's fading away…he's all skin and bones. The comments weren't necessarily anti-Yoko or pro-Cynthia, but just anti-anyone who got their hands on one of “their” children. When Mike's girlfriend, Linda, produced a bag of jelly beans…John's dietary principles wavered.He grabbed them and scoffed quite a few before being told off, his cousin recalls.

— John Lennon: The Life by Phillip Norman (pg. 610)

“After both John and Yoko suffered a severe bout of gastric flu, [they] went on a liquids-only diet for 40 days. ‘John’s way of keeping on the diet was reading cook-books and fantasising about the recipes,’ Bon Gruen remembers.‘He channeled all his craving for food into these amazing fantasies of dishes he’d never heard of, learning how to prepare them and what’s good for you and what’s not. Up till then he’d always thought getting a bowl of corn flakes was cooking’…Tormented by scents of warm bread during his diet, he even tried his hand at baking.”

— John Lennon: The Life by Phillip Norman (pg. 768)

If you look at the ways in which Yoko also speaks about dieting, it seems she’s got some odd food mentalities as well, also suggestive of orthorexia:

John did not have an eating disorder. Sometimes he slipped and ate a bar of chocolate. His diets included vegetarian diet, macrobiotic diet and, very rarely a juice-only diet. All of the above are internationally approved health diets. — Yoko Ono to The Mirror, 2012 (x)

Its just a very strange outlook on food to have—to think that merely eating a chocolate bar, or “junk food”, is a mistake one has to recover from. All the different diets are also alarming; they might be internationally approved as being “health diets”, but as we understand from orthorexia, healthy doesn’t always mean healthy. Again, in my opinion when it comes to eating disorders it’s always more about the mentality than anything else.

There also seemed to have been an element of enabling one-another’s bad habits here, especially in that Yoko was often controlling what John ate: “She doesn't want me doing this anymore.”…John Lennon's private stash turned out to be a giant-size Hershey bar; John's dietary principles wavered. He grabbed them and scoffed quite a few before being told off, his cousin recalls. Through Yoko, John found someone to encourage this issue, and this probably worsened the food-problems in that they were now being validated as "healthy"—or on the other hand, when he broke "food-rules" he was being "told off" for being unhealthy—ultimately perpetuating the pre-existent issue.

Her own relationship with food might also help us to understand why she-herself can’t recognise Johns ED. If Yoko can’t understand that her own intense dieting might be disordered in some ways, then it’s unlikely she’d be able to recognise that for another individual.

So what prompted John to begin developing an eating disorder?

The obvious response to this is the ubiquitous: eating disorders are about control. When the eating disorder behaviours first started to take over (circa 1965), John had experienced an almost incomparable amount of fame. No ones surprised when a female celebrity reveals she’s struggled with an eating disorder, because being under public scrutiny for such an amount of time would unsurprisingly make you vulnerable to that—and the same seems applicable to John.

But I think as well it was probably a subconscious way in which a lot of his own self-hate manifested. Paul stated in an interview:

McCartney is quoted as telling Billboard: “[John] didn’t say, ‘I’m now fat and I’m feeling miserable.’ He said, ‘When I was younger, so much younger than today.’ In other words, he blustered his way through. We all felt the same way.”

“Looking back on it, John was always looking for help. He had [a paranoia] that people died when he was around. His father left home when John was three, the uncle he lived with died in later, then his mother died. I think John’s whole life was a cry for help.” — Paul McCartney in interview with Billboard (x)

It’ll come as a surprise to no one for me to say that John struggled with intense insecurities for the majority of his life, and so for him to use his physical appearance as a vessel to channel all his self-hate would make sense. As Jack Douglas said, ‘he was tired of being the fat Beatle’: tired of being judged, disliked, scrutinised. Or, thats my speculation at least.

Conclusion:

I don’t know the extent to which John struggled with an eating disorder/disordered eating, although it was a pretty well-documented issue of his.

To me it seems the initial problem was binging, which then turned into restriction/anorexia as a response to “fix” his weight gain, and then a restrict/binge cycle.

In later years, I think he probably still struggled with this to some degree, although I think the issue became less about how much the food intake was, and more about what the intake was—effectively meaning, I think his anorexia unravelled into orthorexia. There was likely an element of enabling one another’s behaviours between John and Yoko here, and Yoko's own relationship with food likely encouraged John's pre-existing unhealthy patterns and mentalities.

I don’t think his eating disorder was prevalent at all times, since theres plenty of examples of John eating pretty normally with others, but that his eating disorder didn’t exist all of the time doesn’t really negate the argument that it did exist, because eating disorders aren’t necessarily linear. A person can go through countless phases of relapses and recovery throughout their life.

Anyway, as I say, Im constantly coming across new little pieces of evidence on this subject, so this post is far from comprehensive. But these are all some of the key things that immediately came to mind for me! If anyone has any further thoughts they’d like to share lmk :)

#cw eating disorders #lol im glad you like my opinions anon #even if ive taken 2 days to respond ://///#johns psyche #john lennon ED #beatles #beatles psychology #john and yoko #asks #anon #john lennon #beatles books #quotes

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