#idk. maybe I just feel guilty over everything always but like :// I wish I could fix that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eccentricwritingbaby · 6 months

Text

baby, incoming!

carlos sainz x fem!singer!reader

summary - you and carlos have been married for over a year now and you’ve gone MIA. what could be the reason? new music or a new beginning? maybe both?

fc - emrata

masterlist

Liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, yourusername and 345,765 others

scuderiaferrari our boys are ready, tifosi! are you? #MexicoGP

username they are so attractive its crazy

username lets all pray ladies and gents that there will be a ferrari double podium

username now that is a reach but im right there with you

carlossainz55 ready as always!

username do we think yourusername will actually be there… she hasnt been to the last like 4 gp’s

username idk but im hoping mothers absence is bc of a new album drop

username omggg pleaseee ive been needing her music

charles_leclerc <3

“and you’re sure you’ll be alright while i’m gone, mi amor?” carlos asks you for what feels like the hundredth time as he is packing up his suitcase. you sigh, walking out of your shared closet and placing another one of his clean ferrari polos into the suitcase and then heading to take a seat on the bed next to his luggage.

“quierdo, soy perfecto. i am pregnant, not dying. now please stop worrying about me while your parents as well as mine stay down the street. i am not alone, mi amor, and you are my first call if anything happens,” carlos listens carefully as he forgets about packing momentarily to come stand between your legs that were dangling off the bed, you reach out as he moves closer to hold both of his hands in yours in order for him to receive the message fully, “porfa, i will be fine just like i have been before,”

carlos gives a quick squeeze to your hands and a brief kiss on your forehead as he soaks in the words he was just told, “yo sé, cariño. i just hate missing everything and leaving you while you need me,” the guilty, solemn look on his face is enough for you to quickly stand, remove his hands from yours and wrap your arms tight around him.

he reciprocates the hug quickly with his hands finding your waist with a firm grip, “mi amor you've been there for me constantly and will be there for our baby once they come; besides me being stuck at home will finally give me an excuse to finish out my album so you have no reason to feel guilty,” you slowly loosen your grip in order to look into his warm, inviting eyes yet his hands never leave your waist.

he gives you a short kiss and then begins to speak up once more, “i just wish we could announce you’re pregnant already so that i could be with you, i hate being apart already and this just makes it harder,” he leans his forehead on yours as his hands disappear from your waist in order to lightly begin caressing your small yet prominent bump, “i know, my love, but my manager would kill me if she could not find a way to make one short announcement work in my albums favor, even if it means capitalizing on my baby,” you say with a short laugh.

carlos just smiles on with you by saying, “welcome to hollywood,” there is then a small kiss, a finished packing job, a sad goodbye and then a long plane ride for carlos as he arrives for the mexico grand prix.

carlossainz_fanpage looks like carlos is riding solo again, now for the mexican gp … trouble in paradise? new music? baby bump? who knows but i miss our mother

username it looks like hes still wearing his ring in the pictures of him arriving and all the ones ive seen

username oh thank god bc i cannot handle being a child of divorce rn

username me neither i rlly hope its the complete opposite and us children are gaining a brother or sister

username omgggg i hope she is pregnant she’d just be the cutest

username pleaseeee i need an album from her its been like two years now i cant take it

username RIGHT?! she got married and abandoned us :/

you had already received a text from carlos telling you that he landed and was heading to his hotel and then the paddock and he would call you later.

something about his words earlier had been sticking with you all day in the back of your head, ‘i hate being apart already and this just makes it harder’.

you and carlos had known each other before the fame with your parents being friends and the both of you have dated throughout it. you rarely were apart as you would go to almost all his races and travel with him and in turn during his breaks you would tour and he would tag right along. it had always worked beautifully since the flexibility of your job allowed you to work from ultimately anywhere, therefore why not spend it following and being with the love of your life? the distance from carlos was difficult, not even remotely from distrust or anything negative, just the simplicity of missing out.

you made a fast but firm decision and began to pack a bag. you gave a quick call to your mother in law informing her of your plan and letting her know you’d be by soon to drop off the dogs and then she began to insist she even drive you to the airport.

she has always loved you like a daughter for as long as you and carlos have been together claiming ‘she is just so good for him, no sé’.

then there is a quick flight, a large hoodie thrown on, and a pregnant y/n waiting right outside carlos’ hotel door.

your hand is brought up and with a sharp knock you stand still simply waiting. carlos takes a minute to open the door and as he does his eyes immediately light up, “y/n!” he makes haste to pull you into his room and into his arms immediately, “qué haces aquí?”

“ay! you’re asking me what i’m doing here instead of a long i love you my beautiful wife thank you for coming,” you mock and joke as he continues to rock you back and forth in his hold.

“lo siento, amor, gracias para coming all this way,” he leans back to look into your eyes while one of his hands finds its way to your bump,

“i was just confused because everyone is going to see, no?” he continues. you nod and begin to laugh while saying, “to be completely honest, carlos, i dont give a fuck. my fans will either buy my album or won't, it doesn't depend on our child. and i for sure am not going to miss out on seeing you race or rob you from any papi/baby time just for a stupid album,” he listens to you speak while his eyes begin to glisten over with happiness, “y/n, i’m so happy porfa can we post now so that i can take you out to a nice dinner and we can actually be people again,” he finishes off his sentence with a laugh.

you just simply smile, nod and give him his answer in a long-awaited passionate kiss. “gracias dios,” he whispers against your lips with a small sigh as you just let out a giggle.

you were a bit nervous before but now after being with carlos and seeing his relief you know you made the right decision.

yourusername and carlossainz55 baby sainz coming soon <3

comments on this post have been disabled.

y/ncarlos_updates PREGGERS Y/N ARRIVING IN THE PADDOCK TODAY!

username holyyyyy shit she looks so good

username MOTHER IS AN ACTUAL MOTHER

username and our daddy is about to be an actual daddy!!

username they are going to be the most attractive parents ever

username stop im so happy for them this is so cute

username their entire childhood bff to lovers trope and now they’re having a baby like dream come true

username no fr its like watching them grow up before our eyes its so cute

username shes still got such good style even when pregnant i am green with envy rn

username that makes two of us

username u just know the gc is blowing up rn with which driver is going to be godfather

username we all know that if it is a driver itll be landonorris

landonorris damn right

username WHAT THE FU-

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hyunjinners · 5 months

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𝐑𝐔𝐍𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘 - Stray Kids Headcanons

𝗦𝗨𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬 - During a serious argument he attacks you, raising his voice with hurtful words. || 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 - hyung_line¡ x fem!reader || 𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗥𝗘 - angst, sad, established relationship, fights. || 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦 - possible trigger, fight, offensive words (maybe swearing? idk) || 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗦 𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧 - ?? (I got a little carried away ;) || 𝗔/𝗡 - I really love sad themes, I think it makes me immerse myself in the story in a cool way. Remembering that these are just fictitious situations and that nothing in this chapter matches reality, in other words, just an imaginary scenario created by a fan, nothing is linked to the boys' real attitudes or personalities! Hope you like it, Remembering that English is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any grammatical and/or spelling errors. Have a good read! feedbacks are welcome. 🤍🌼

⊹₊˚ʚ❛masterlist❜ɞ

𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍 ¡!

You two are definitely what people identify as the perfect couple, always understanding and understanding each other, But that doesn't mean you don't have your differences. You guys don't really like to fight, usually just silly fights or small vows of silence that are eliminated at the end of the day with a warm hug and kisses with vows of love. Chan wasn't one to raise his voice and neither were you, but perhaps due to the stress of the day, this discussion became loud and noisy.

You just wanted to spend time with him, as you were busy with your work throughout the week and barely got to see each other, but he just tried to explain how much he needed to finish reviewing some tracks and that he was too tired to do that. You rebutted tiresome arguments until he simply exploded at you, "CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE? SHIT! I just want you out of here, can't you see that I never wanted you here?" He shouted at you and you remained static in your place. Your eyes widen and you can't swallow the lump that forms in your throat. You couldn't speak, in pure shock and, as incredible as it may seem, he was no different. Regret and worry fill his chest in an overwhelming way instantly and he feels nothing short of guilty.

He opened his mouth, stammering failed attempts at an apology, his eyes glistening with tears that matched yours, that overflowed and ran down his face. Chan's heart sank as he realized that the cause behind your tears was him, wishing you would realize that he didn't really mean it. "...all good. I'll leave you alone, if that's what you want." You spoke softly, unable and tired of debating with him. "No- love…I'm sorry, I- that's not what I meant, please…" He whispered, trying to get to you, but it was too late. You were leaving his apartment with a broken heart and a new insecurity hanging over you, wondering if during your relationship he had thoughts like this, if he felt uncomfortable with your presence. It could have been a misunderstood mistake for Chan, words spoken without thinking that he bitterly regrets, but for you, it was a new milestone in your relationship.

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 ¡!

Your relationship from the outside has always seemed a little strange. Minho is not the type to show affection in public and loves to make jokes to annoy you, but you know he means nothing and you know he respects and loves you above all else, so you never really cared about it, always taking it in stride. However, this nagging side of him gains strength when it comes to arguments and you find it particularly irritating. He has a strong temper during fights, being stubborn in his ideas and opinions, making it impossible for you to reach an agreement. You don't fight often, but when it happens, it takes you days to resolve it, out of sheer stubbornness and pride on both sides.

The stray kids' comeback was just around the corner, less than a month away and everything was moving quickly. Minho, who has always been committed to his work, he was working hard this week and his mood was technically sensitive, so to speak. You, being a good and understanding girlfriend that you are, He thought about something throughout the week to try to alleviate some of his tension, usually affection placed on your private person made everything better.

When he didn't show up at the dinner you prepared especially for him, you tried to be understanding because you knew Minho's physical and mental exhaustion. It was almost midnight when he appeared tired and sullen. He had stated that he would arrive on time, so you asked him why he was late. You remained calm throughout the conversation, but when he said he preferred to go out to eat with the boys and forgot about you, you felt the burning start to rise in your throat, "Minho, I really don't understand you. I really tried hard to see the good in you and you just act dismissive like it's nothing, as if we were nothing…” the anger was evident in your voice, but you couldn’t fight back, and apparently neither could he. He sits on the living room couch, leaning with his elbows resting on his knees as he runs his hands over his face and hair. He stands up looking into your eyes and you could see a different glow in his eyes, he was exhausted and angry.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF YOU'RE SO NEEDY! I'm tired of this, if you're going to be clingy like this, stay far away from me." Her eyes flutter unconsciously, your vision blurred by the tears that accumulate. You bite your lip in an attempt to contain them, you didn't want to cry in front of him. Minho clenches his fists as he slowly watches your reaction, scared of himself. He couldn't say anything, but you knew he wanted you to stay. He was sorry. You let out a shaky breath nodding your head, “right… whatever you want.” Minho felt helpless watching you forcefully close the door of a now cold and empty apartment, his absence making him feel incomplete. He wanted to apologize, but he couldn't find words in his mind, only the fear of losing you, because he knew it was all his fault. And you, the uncertain doubt as to whether this would be a lasting relationship.

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐁𝐈𝐍 ¡!

You have been friends since you were very young, always supporting and helping each other and that was a good reason for you to almost never fight and if you do, They make up very quickly, reaching a consensus that they both made a mistake at some point. He was always very sweet, so usually he would apologize first, unsure that maybe you would abandon him and that hasn't changed since he asked you to be his girlfriend. And that fact scared you because of what happened. He was never really jealous, it was more like fear and insecurity, but you always assured him that you loved him and he always trusted you. But this time it was different and you didn't understand where it came from. You have been invited to an alumni reunion at your old school where you graduated from high school.

You met many old colleagues but there was one in particular that you both were somewhat uncomfortable with. The boy was an ex-boyfriend of his and tried to start a conversation with you. The atmosphere during the event got a little heavy when he clearly looked at you in a way that made you uncomfortable. At the end of it all, Changbin rushed you home and when they arrived you immediately questioned him, worried about his change in mood. Of course, you weren't stupid, you knew everything was involved in this specific situation, but you were still worried about whether he would be okay. You thought he was angry because the guy was clearly inconvenient, but when he confronted you asking why you were paying attention to him you were confused.

It was supposed to be just a conversation, but it all piled up and became a noisy mess. You didn't want to change, but he knew it was unfair for him to place non-existent blame on you and he wanted to defend himself. "Binnie, I don't understand what I did. I swear I-"

"Don't you understand?" He interrupts you, anger overwhelming him and making his next words come out unconsciously, "YOU WERE CLEARLY HITTING ON HIM! I don't even know why I'm still wasting time being with you, honestly." Silence. You watch him in silence. You felt like you didn't need to say anything else because apparently everything that was stuck in your throats was carelessly deposited one above the other, weight forming on your back. Still scared by his response, you pick up your bag that was on the coffee table and quickly walk towards the entrance. You stop abruptly when you feel your wrist held by Changbin, strong but still light so you can let go. "My love, please- I, I don't know what came over me... forgive me but please don't go." Tears roll uncontrollably down Changbin's face and it makes his heart hurt even more, but you remember that he was the reason your heart was broken in the first place. "...I need to get away from you for today, Changbin." You go out. Now there were two hearts broken by an insecurity that unconsciously generated another.

𝐇𝐘𝐔𝐍𝐉𝐈𝐍 ¡!

Hyunjin is definitely a hopeless romantic, so it's almost impossible for you two to fight. Of course, there is no perfect relationship, but your fights, If you can call it that, they are small arguments over silly things and, if they fight over something serious, It's discredited in a short time since you can't stand being away from each other, especially if you're fighting. You've been together for almost a year, but even with this considerable passage of time, Hyunjin hasn't taken you to meet his parents. Of course, you didn't care so much, you knew and respected the limits imposed by Hyunjin, knowing that he just wanted to be sure if it was meant to be. But with your one year anniversary approaching, you couldn't help but feel a little insecure, naughty thoughts about herself invading her head like an avalanche of worries.

It was quite late when you were sitting in your room studying as usual. You were so immersed in your duty that you missed the sound of the front door. Not long later, you hear the clanking of dishes in the kitchen and notice Hyunjin's presence. Entering the kitchen, you watch him prepare some ramen for himself, a tired expression was visible on his face and sighs constantly left his lips. He looked exhausted and your heart squeezed seeing him like this. He doesn't seem to notice his presence, huffing impatiently at the water that was heating up. You surround him from behind, your arms hugging his waist and placing your head on his shoulder. He trembles a little from the fright, leaving it a little stiff. "Hey, my love. Relax, it's me." You laugh, patting his right shoulder.

"Sorry, I'm really tired today, y/n." He walks away to get the cutlery from the cabinet, you sigh, moving away to respect his space. "You know, Jinnie… I've been thinking and our anniversary is coming up, in less than a week." He looks at you for a few seconds, seeing where you're going and then goes back to what he's doing. Okay, his disdain brought a small pang to her heart. "And I thought maybe, just maybe, Can you take me to meet your parents." His voice was a little louder than a whisper and he stopped what he was doing. He ran his hand abruptly through his hair, looking at her with a different light in his eyes. "Look, I just want to eat this ramen and sleep, I don't have time to listen to that shit again." You were trying to be understanding, but you insisted. “I know, but- but I’m afraid you’re… ashamed of me. That's why I'm insisting on the matter. I know you're tired-"

"SO WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE? If you're well aware that you're being a pain in the ass, just shut up and leave," he says all this with a humorless laugh on his lips, "Maybe I don't really want to take her to meet my parents, maybe this will make me rethink whether our relationship is really worth it." That was the last straw to spill the water in his cup of anxiety. You could no longer blame it on tiredness. You didn't mind crying in front of him, but you felt helpless. You take a step back, uselessly drying your tears. You go up and grab your bag quickly, heading towards the main door, not bothering to look back. Hyunjin pulls her towards him, lightly holding your arms and looking into your eyes. "My love, please, please don't, don't go! I was wrong, I- I really shouldn't have said that-"

"But you said it, and you can't take it back. I'm going to sleep at my friend's house. I want to get away from you as soon as possible." You cut him off, now you were the one who was tired. You hurt him too, but he cut you first and plunged the knife deep into the wound.

────────────────────────────────

𝗔/𝗡 - I'll be posting the maknae line soon! I confess that I didn't intend to write something long, but I really can't write something with less than 500 words 😭 I hope you liked it. Please don't forget to leave comments, I'm happy when I hear your opinion on my chapters ;) like × reblog!¡ original by:: @hyunjinners ^-^

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madfantasy · 2 months

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Dear blogging

Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.

Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.

Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.

(commissioned by precious Julia ♥️🖤)

And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:

-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.

Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:

-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now

-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.

I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'

-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do

.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.

Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.

I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..

I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo

I'm at my happy place rn, heh.

Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈

And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe

Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤

Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024

#text #drawing journey #non binary artist #on the spectrum #personal

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mxargo · 10 months

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cold - spencer reid

summary: spencer is ready to give love another chance, but after maeve he might not be able to.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

word count: idk

warnings: mentions of past death.

bold italics are you singing to spencer.

based on the song: cold by novo amor.

p.s, i made this so long ago, just clearing out my drafts.

I miss her. i still think about the different futures we could of had, and I didn't even get to touch her.

for some reason, maeve was all I could think about when I'd see y/n.

maybe cause I was falling again.

y/n was perfect. she really was. her laugh, her smile, the way she'd pick out flowers or hand out soft pastries when someone was upset. her warmth and her happiness was contagious.

I couldn't get her out of my mind since I had met her. but when I thought of y/n, I thought of maeve. I felt so guilty and I didn't even know why. it's been four years. I should have gotten over this by now.

maeves gone. I thought I'd accepted that a long time ago. maybe I didn't and just pushed those feelings down, derek always mentioned I did that way too often, but I didn't mind it then.

y/n is here. she's alive, and she's always been there for me. which was only a couple of years but it always counted. I confined to her in so much. more so than the rest of the team, I trust her with my life.

when I got sent to prison she sat on the other side of the glass, looking at me with those beautiful eyes I fell in love with. I didn't want to fall in love again, but I did.

it's not like y/n and I are together, we're not. but, she deserves better. better than someone whose going to think of another girl whose already a ghost. I want to make myself a good enough person for y/n. she deserves that.

more than anyone.

y/n can sing. she sings to me when I'm sad. she sings to me when I practically break into her apartment and fall into her arms. she knows right away how to make me feel better. the same thing over and over again and I love it.

she takes her hand and and plays with my hair while the other rubs my shoulder. it's perfect, like a routine. I'm sad, and I need y/n. she's always here for me, even when I've managed to piss her off sometimes.

but here I am again, in y/n arms as she plays with my hair and rubs little hearts on my skin. her hands are so soft and soothing, which is probably why I end up falling asleep, either to that or her singing. maybe both.

"Heal your frays, just to know you'll wear them thin again. Peel off the name, that i gave and I knew you were within. Forget our nave, the summer spent within"

listening to her washes away everything.

"For all that its worth now you were worth it in the end. For all off your worth I would lapse and fall again. For all that its worth I would have loved you until the end"

I wish I could give her the everything she deserves.

"But i'm cold in your heart and you're branded into mine"

I want to be better. I want to be hers.

Bruise the hope, our endeavour would ever see the light"

I loved maeve. I did, but she's gone now.

"Choose your own, i'll face the world knowing that you've grown"

I love y/n, with everything in me.

"And i'll leave your curls and move past alone"

I want a future with someone, I always have. a wife, kids, a family. I want that.

"For all that its worth now you were worth it in the end. For all off your worth I would lapse and fall again"

I want to protect y/n, I can't lose her too.

"For all that its worth I would have loved you until the end. But i'm cold in your heart and you're branded into mine"

all I can do is look up at her and smile, curling back up against her letting the darkness take over.

she's everything now. hopefully forever.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader

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annaraebananawriter · 1 year

Note

Heeyyyy idk if ur still doing the sentence prompts but like… am i supposed to just let you go?… but with Dream and Nightmare would be 😩👌 just saying 👀🥺👉👈

That's a very good pairing, I agree.

And if we twist it around a bit to make it Dream talking to a ghost/hallucination of Passive Nightmare...well, we'll just have to see how that plays out, won't we?

The only real warning here is Dream living in a state of denial. But we already knew he did that, really, so is it really a warning? But if I missed any other things I should've warned about, please let me know!

Happy reading!! Prompt is italicized.

~oOo~

Dream doesn't tend to pay too much attention to him anymore. He used to, back at the beginning, when he was still in freefall and catching up. Before everyone gave them the looks and made him feel guilty of something. Doing something shameful, something embarrassing. He used to cling and whimper and try to hug him and try to get anyone else to see him. They would all give him these pitying eyes and gently coax him into switching topics.

It made him feel crazy. It made him feel broken. Maybe he was.

But whether real or just a figment of his imagination, after finding that hundreds of years have passed and your brother now hates you and wishes you dead, after finding your friends and being thrust upon yet another pedestal--if all of this happened and you had a ghost lingering over your shoulder that looked like your brother back when he was yours and yours alone, wouldn't you want to cling to him, too? Wouldn't you do everything possible to somehow make this ghost real and tangible?

Nighty always vanished when Nightmare was around, anyway. It wasn't hard to separate the two. There was his brother, his Nighty, who was always with him, just as he should be and then there was Nightmare, a painful reflection that sounded like his brother, but acted so differently and glared at him with too many negative emotions. When he was doubting himself and what he believed, he closed his eyes and reminded himself of this, how this was proof that Nightmare was not his brother and Nighty was they needed saving and only he could save them because only he knew of Nighty's existence.

Why else would he even exist? Why else would he sleep with a shadow above him? Why would Nighty comfort him during thunderstorms while Nightmare was off safe and sound back at his base? Why else would Dream be here, now, if not for the sole purpose of fixing things?

And he would fix this. He has to.

"You're doing it again."

Dream opens his eyes, giving up on feigning sleep. Rolling over, he finds Nighty sitting next to him, transparent hand hovering over his head. Upon their eyes meeting, his brother retracts it.

"Getting lost," Nighty clarifies, even though he didn't need to bother. He always said this. "I told you to stop. It isn't healthy."

Dream hums. People said that about talking to Nighty in the first place. But if he didn't, he wouldn't have had the strength to be here now. It gives him a purpose, something to fight for. Without Nighty, who was he?

"Dream," Nighty says, sounding stern. "Stop."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're making things harder."

"People said that about you." Dream says, letting himself fall on his back to stare at the ceiling. It was easier to avoid feeling vulnerable this way. "Remember? They said you were--are, I guess--a hallucination my mind conjured after being traumatized. I couldn't bear to let you go, so I created you as company. They wanted me to forget you."

Nighty is silent for a moment. "Maybe they were right."

He's brought this up before. It felt like betrayal, the first time his brother hesitated and suggested everyone else was right. It's eased over the years, but it still stung. Dream closes his eyes. "Please. Don't do this again."

"I have to try. You won't listen to anyone else."

"Because they're wrong."

"Because you don't want them to be right."

"Same thing."

"You don't want me to not be real. You don't want to be hurt by the past. You don't want to accept that things have changed, your brother has changed."

Dream opens his eyes and looks back at Nighty. "Do you not want to be real?" He doesn't acknowledge the rest of what his brother said.

Nighty smiles sadly. "It doesn't matter what I want."

"So, what?" Dream says, closing his eyes again against the burn of tears. "Am I just supposed to let you go? You're not some hallucination, Nighty. You're real. You're real." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself instead of Nighty.

"You could...talk to him." Nighty offers, saying the words carefully.

Him. Nightmare.

Dream makes himself scoff. "No thanks. Nightmare isn't you."

"How do you know that?"

How does he, indeed?

Because Nighty is kind and good and comforting. He gets lost in libraries whenever Dream helps around in one, rambling about books and getting excited over new ones. He has read so many books because his brother has begged him to get them. Nighty is his brother, just as funny and smart as he always was.

Nightmare, on the other hand, is cruel and a killer and mean. He is mocking and insulting and just wrong. It doesn't matter that he always keeps an eye on his boys, turning back at the first sight of one of them being hurt. It doesn't matter that, despite saying he hates him and claiming he wants him dead, he has never fatally wounded Dream, not yet. It doesn't matter that he's seen Nightmare out of fights, when his brother hasn't noticed him, and he's buying new books and laughing and is just--just...happy.

It doesn't matter because it's not real. Nightmare is a facade, something to hide that his brother is lost and scared and in need of help. In need of saving. Nighty is a ghost, yes, but he's...

He's here. Nighty is here, right beside him.

That's all the proof Dream wants.

Dream swallows, turning away. He pulls the blanket up around his chin. "I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight."

Luckily, Nighty doesn't say anything else. Only sighs. "Goodnight, Dream. Sweet dreams." And then he falls silent, ready to wait until he wakes up. He always waits.

Usually, anyway.

Sometimes, when they have talks like this, Nighty is gone when he wakes up. But he always comes back. Because he's Nighty, not Nightmare. He's his brother. He'll always come back for him. He has to. He has to.

#my writing #ask #ask prompt #fanfic #drabble #prompt #utmv #undertale #dreamtale #dream sans #nightmare sans #passive nightmare sans

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pandoraslxna · 10 months

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How did you became comfortable with being sexual? Or rather being open to others with that like talking about sex? I'm almost 21 and I still can't get over the guilty feeling and shame every time me being sexualy active comes up or when I think about it. I have some trauma with sexual background so maybe that's why, but idk. Like everytime this topic comes in the conversation I feel this lump in my throat that doesn't go away no matter how comfortable I am with the person I am talking to. I was always in impressed by women who are comfortable with their sexuality and are open with it and I would like to also enjoy myself like them. I'm sorry if this ask is too much to answer and don't feel presure to answet it, but I don't know how to tell this to people that suround me and you seem like such a sweet, genuine person

Oh I’m sorry you feel that way, pookie! I think the main reason I feel pretty comfortable talking about these topics is because I was raised like that.

Sex was never a taboo in my family, I’ve always been around my parents and their friends even when they made adult jokes and had conversations that probably weren’t appropriate for my teenage self haha. My parents are both very chill and never had an issue answering any questions that I had. They always made sure I was educated properly, never told me "you’re too young to know that" or "you shouldn’t know that" etc. They knew if they wouldn’t answer me I would just find the answer myself somehow, so it’s probably best to just be honest and explained it to me as age appropriate as possible. I was never embarrassed about being a woman either, they made sure that talking about periods and all that stuff, especially with my dad (who ended up raising me during puberty after my parents divorce) wasn’t something to be ashamed of or something that should make me feel uncomfortable. My dad is basically the blue print for what I consider a real man, he bought me pads and birth control pills and got me my heating pad when I had cramps and he never ever made me feel uncomfortable when talking about these topics.

Sex and everything around it shouldn’t be something to feel guilty or embarrassed about, it’s all natural! But I totally get that it can be hard to talk about these things and can definitely feel uncomfortable if you were raised under other circumstances or had some bad experiences in your life before. Maybe it‘ll become easier once you find someone you trust enough to openly talk about sex, but please don’t force yourself to open up if you’re not ready. Just take your time. And not being able to talk about sex the way I do isn’t necessarily a bad thing, please don’t forget that! <3

I wish I could give you better advice, but like I said, I was just raised this way. I didn’t practice becoming like this and idk if there’s a trick or something else that could help you become more comfortable with your sexuality… but maybe someone else that is or was in the same position could give you some advice?

Anyways, I hope I could at least help you a little bit. I‘m super tired and idk if half of the stuff I wrote even makes sense haha but I’m so touched that you asked me for advice when it comes to such a sensitive topic!! If you ever need someone to talk to please don’t hesitate to slide into my inbox 🩵🩵

#ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ asks 💌

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moonelnone · 1 year

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-Hiken is back and isn't gonna get rest anytime soon unfortunately due to some brainstorming ideas invading my thoughts!

Regarding the "modern" situation I believe it wouldn't make much of a difference since we've seen that in the manga there's advanced technology but its existence didn't exactly make much of a difference to most villagers except for the den den mushis and some other small creations. Besides having the story set within the canon timeline would make even more interesting, if anything it can be dragged onto adulthood. sunny was just lucky to have Kel and the others to pull him out at the time and his house provided everything but in op universe Ace's gonna have to deal with the guilt for over 10 years.(he's guilty and he knows it) if I had a hand in the plot I'd include some of the whitebeards .

As for the headspace I believe the amount of violence would either be toned down or the damage done can never actually harm a character but tire them out instead (like Luffy bouncing every time he fell or was punched cuz he's rubber and all) as I believe that even the smallest amount of blood would trigger what I call "static distruction". One thing I've always thought about is how would a world crumbling down would look and sound like much less its effect on a person's mentality. I imagine ace shutting down at the smallest peck of blood on a comrade in-battle.then I may as well suggest the _self sacrifice mechanic_ which is pretty self-explanatory. Ace would rather be the first and only one to fall in battle than have his allies and loved ones hurt. Maybe even -protect "character"- but he probably won't have the option to protect himself.

there's still a lot more that awaits you dear creator if you wish we could have a long discussion. I must say I'm quite passionate at doing what I love but it really helps a lot to tell what's on your mind. Let go of the load if you get what I mean.(I've got to go now)

-Hiken bids you farewell for now 😊

Ah I just woke up! I'd say I'd just make two separate versions, one in a moderns setting and the other in the canon timeline so I don't loose anything from it XP

Ace and Sabo dealing guilt for 10 years? Sheesh poor brothers, I really wonder how that would affect their adventures, That Self Sacrifice mechanic is pretty interesting but mostly sad the more I think about it since it implies a lot,, The violence being toned down I think is a nice touch, the headspace battles would probably feel more Silly and Lighthearted I think... Though I'd like to also think the Bosses-- Yamato, Uta, and Law would have some symbolism in the headspace tho... I'm thinking maybe of scenarios where the bosses would act like the negative sides of who Ace sees fit (Idk really I just want to spice things up XD)

I really do wonder how would Ace and Sabo grow up in this version of the au, In the modern version I did plan some important things for them like a few religious themes enhancing the guilt... But this version seems to intrigue me, Feel free to tell me more!

#Tokumei answered #Yamato boss could represent Luffy's easy going nature #The Kori island could be a representation of Ace's feelings about the accident I don't really know how to explain it that easily but #just imagine the vibes of Snowglobe mountain in omori #Also do you think Ace still has narcolepsy here?#I got narcolepsy myself and let me tell you hallucinations are not fun sometimes

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squeiky · 9 months

Text

Sometimes I get really sad and lonely and then I scroll through tumblr.

I think I have to start making a routine to walk outside, but i keep making excuses not too. The only outside place I want to be is on my porch and a park that’s 30 minutes away.

I’m really lonely apparently. It’s a side effect of having very little of a social life (aside from the few interactions on here. Since I don’t interact with anyone on any other site tbh.)

I think it’s just easy for me to be alone. Like I’m sure I developed some kind of abandonment issues and I’m fully aware of how it makes me feel- and that might be why i keep avoiding irl interactions.

Everything feels easier here. No anxiety no pressure. I know people here are okay and already know my goofy little self. I don’t have to worry about appearances and present how I desire. I don’t feel trapped.

I can scream into the void here. I can keep screaming and maybe one day, someone might just scream back. It’s a good feeling.

I keep feeling guilty for posting or rebloging so much. I look at other people getting asks or interactions as “successes”. I see comments and tags and it’s “success”. At what? Hell if I know. Perhaps some social game like popularity, or the fact that somebody is liked enough to have people talk to them.

Ugh, I used to read my old blog posts from an account long abandoned. Reeked of insecurity. I see myself falling back into that spiral over and over again whenever the darkness creeps up a little to closely. Like I can only eve ignore it for so long, until I’m back to screaming again like I am now.

It’s like that stupid feeling, like someone in the back of my mind is screaming “please be with me.” It’s crying all the time.

I don’t know what freindship is, I only see people in black and whites of “useful” and “not useful” the definition of useful isnt exact and varies person to person, but I recognize this is my thought process.

I guess there’s the guilt of it all too. Some underlying shame or guilt constantly pestering me. I hate annoying things and it’s really annoying.

I’m young, and I’m still figuring things out. Though that doesn’t really invalidate or solve how I feel now. Idk.

At some point in time I forgot how to talk to people in real life. It’s like when I do my soul leaves my body and I just go on autopilot. Only to return to a state of constant evaluation and analysis (which are my saviors).

Sometimes I just want to stay broken. Or maybe I was never broken to begin with. I don’t know. I’m sad and buttnaked writing this at 11:54 because I’m slowly developing a fear of sleeping (technically I just have s very strong desire to stay awake for no reason in particular.)

I fucked up with the alt descriptions for my art. I’m unsure if I’m making excuses not to make alts because it’s too much effort-or it’s something else.all I know is that I feel guilty about it.

I hate guilt (or is what I feel shame? I’m uncertain). I wish I never felt it. It’s a disgusting feeling that only does me bad. Usually I can just determine via logic when ive fucked up. But if what I feel is guilt then I do not like it. I wish it wasn’t there I wish it didn’t exist because it annoys me.

I cleared out my wounds too. I’m hopping I made it better by opening up a covered path that was clogging the infection gunk from getting out- and some dead skin. Getting hurt sucks.I thought I would be stronger. But I am reminded I am frail.

Screaming into the void in hopes of a freind. It’s a strange habit to have. Always screaming never a reply. I wish I could make things like this one person I follow. I’ve never seen them ever sad about their lack of interactions (atleast in this platform). I’m trying to be like that. But it sucks that I can’t register likes Orin the same way I do as reason people’s tags or comments or seeing their reblogs.

Since I’m always reblogging other peoples stuff, there’s always that nagging feeling when ever I make my own shit that it’s never enough.

One day though I think I’ll feel “enough”. I’ll drink champagne on that day and eat a chocolate cupcake. Just like a birthday celebration.

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symptoms-syndrome · 2 years

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Ummm IDK attachment stuff trauma stuff therapy stuff

I cried again in therapy yesterday, I wonder how much of my ability to cry again is just stress or whether any of it could be tied to me stopping HRT.

I talked about how I'm stuck in this fucked up cycle I don't ever see an escape from re:safety.

To feel safe means to let my guard down. To feel safe means feeling exactly the same way I felt when led into a false sense of security. Safety is what happens right before betrayal, loss, and trauma. Thus, feeling safe and noticing I feel safe immediately catapults me further back into defensiveness and fear. So how the fuck am I supposed to ever feel safe when the very feeling is a terrible trigger? Sometimes it feels like everything is just doomed to fail, like I'm running around a maze with no exit.

Similarly, connection is also scary. To be connected with someone is to put my safety, even a little bit, in their hands. And when I've been vulnerable with someone, often not even on purpose, they're holding that part of me forever. So it feels like I need to keep a close eye on what they do with it, or they'll use it to fuck me over. It feels like a leash. To feel connected is to feel tied down.

I wish I could live with no attachments, no values, no nothing. To have things, feelings, connections, etc is to have the possibility of them being taken away. No one could take anything away from me if I didn't have anything in the first place.

And one of the other things I mentioned in therapy was the fact that I've already been vulnerable around these people, my adoptive family. But it's never by choice. I've had flashbacks and panic attacks in their presence before, I've had small and/or scared parts cling to them in a way I don't feel I can. And my therapist said something along the lines of how it's good that these parts aren't scared of expressing a need for affection like I am. But like. The only reason they did, to be honest the only reason they came around, was because of fear. There was a bigger, scarier threat, even if the threat wasn't real. I can't be vulnerable or affectionate without fear. Fear seems to permeate every aspect of my life and relationships. Plus, when those parts went away and more adult parts came around, we feel...frankly terrible! About what those parts did. We feel guilty and scared and exposed and angry at ourselves for letting our guard down. We hate what we've done even though what we've done isn't bad.

TW for uh. IDK grooming and the like for this part but like.

I honestly feel like some part of it, and this is bleak and depressing as hell, is because I've only felt affection and expressed affection freely to people who wanted to fuck me. My oases of apparent safety from threats like my parents were in men who handled me gently and spoke to me softly and had bad intentions and kind hands. It was this illusion of them freeing me from control. I was controlled in so many other aspects of my life, and so having rampant sex with older men was me making my own decisions freely. But it kind of wasn't. Or maybe it was. Regardless the decisions were guided outside of my vision and bad decisions.

So when my past experiences with people are primarily sorted into the category of "overtly terrifying and will control me forever" or "safe on the surface, but with a knife behind their back" it's obviously hard to picture a third option. Especially if the third option feels an awful lot like the first stages of the second option.

IDK. I'm just always always always expecting and waiting for people to fuck me over. It feels a lot more safe when I know how they'd do it. It's hard to be two steps ahead when I can't see the track.

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mental-health-advice · 1 year

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I had a crush on someone last year and it was very strong in the beginning and eventually subsided after a month or two. I also really admired the person platonically and wanted to be their friend/get to know them better as well, so it wasn't entirely a romantic thing. Anyway, when I pulled myself together I did say goodbye to them and everything (we're at university so I won't see them again because of the year ending etc) and had asked them if they wanted to hang out (1)

(2) It was a message, so they responded to my goodbye and everything, but not the hanging out part, so i got the gist that they werent interested. I feel guilty tho bcs I think about them here and there still, some times more than others, and honestly sometimes check if they're online. Idk, maybe it makes me feel connected. I feel like i'm invading some kind of boundaries/privacy and it makes me so uncomfortable. I dont want to do that. but why are they still on my mind almost a year later?

(3) why cant i just move on? I dont get why im like this. I wish I could just forget them and move on, but ive always been sensitive to rejection. It did hurt, but i'm not in the same place right now and I just wish I could get rid of them from my memory and move on.

Hey there,

It can be so difficult when we become friends with someone regardless if it is a friendship or something more and then having to part with them for some reason, whether it is in or out of our control.

I know that you mentioned that you sent this person a message saying goodbye but asking if they still wanted to hang out now and again but when they replied saying goodbye, maybe they were in a rush and didn’t fully read the message and consequently not taking it all in and it not fully registering in their mind of what you were asking? Or perhaps they got confused with you saying your goodbye but then asking if they still wanted to hang out with you? Whatever the reason though (and you only have to do this if you feel comfortable doing so) but maybe send a follow up message to them asking if they wanted to hang out and do something with you like getting a coffee or something like that?

In regards to not being able to get them off your mind and always thinking of them, this is completely normal. For example, I recently lost contact with a really good friend of mine (their decision not mine) and I still can’t get them off my mind and it’s been over a year now. I also often see on messenger if they have been online or not. I don’t feel it’s an invasion of privacy though but more of just curiosity if that makes sense?

Another example, slightly different was many years ago when I decided to change therapists. The therapist I stopped seeing though was still constantly on my mind with many questions going around and around in my head. Things like:

Does she hate me

Did I end things right

Does she think of me too

Why didn’t I just suck it up and keep seeing her (I am also quite sensitive when it comes to relationships ending or being rejected by another)

I was very lucky in the above situation though as I was able to reconnect with her for a one off therapy session to allow me to get some closure and just talk about how things ended and why and just an update on how I have been going since that therapeutic relationship ended. This helped a me a lot and she is no longer on my mind like she was.

I guess what I am trying to say is that even if this person doesn’t want to see you or hang out, is there a way that you can get closure from the relationship you had with them? Perhaps you could ask if you could see them to say a proper goodbye face-to-face or even do something memorable for them as a way of saying goodbye in your own personal/ special way by yourself?

There is nothing wrong to have them on your mind still but I do understand the frustration with this and the wanting to just lose ‘those memories’ in a way so you can continue your life without any obstacles if that makes sense?

This is where closure can be really helpful but again not always possible like (yes another example sorry) but my last therapist died suddenly from cancer and although I saw her and said goodbye I still think of her often and sometimes every day. I write letters to her sometimes and this seems to help at times but I also feel like remembering her is a healthy thing for me as she was a positive aspect of my life.

So, is there a possibility where you could write a letter to this person (it doesn’t need to be sent) just expressing how you feel, what the relationship meant to you, and that even though you may have had some really great times together, you want to just move on now and get on with your life. This may or may not be helpful but maybe worth giving it a go as sometimes when we get things out of our head and onto paper it can really help.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #mental health #mental health advice #anonoymous #friend #friend being on mind #getting closure #moving on in life

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autistic-fandom-trash · 1 year

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tma entities as icon for hire songs

i added bits of the lyrics bc idk if anyone other than me is in both of these fandoms lmao. also im not rly happy with all of these since i couldnt find an accurate one for everything

The Buried - Hollow

I don't wanna break down, but I'm feeling low Let me sink to the bottom Air in my lungs keeping me afloat Inside I'm still hollow I don't wanna break down So where do I go? My screams sink to the bottom Top of my lungs, just an echo Inside I'm still hollow

The Corruption - Enemies

On Wednesdays, we wear hazmat suits And walk the city streets Smile at everyone we meet We're delightful when we wanna be Soon, you'll hear us knocking on your door We could always use one more We came here to cheer you up Do you wanna play with us? (Do you wanna play with us?)

The Dark - All I See Is Darkness

And now you're looking like the villain But I didn't see it coming Truth is blinding and I'm finding I can't see a thing Keep me in the dark, keep me in the dark (Heartless) Searching every night, tryna find the light (Starless) Looking in your eyes, all I see is ice (Arctic) All I, all I see is darkness

The Desolation - Up In Flames

I'll probably end up in flames Before the end of the night Watch me burn in the fire Watch me bid you good-bye Your words, they fall off the page Like they fall on deaf ears You know that it's over Nothing left for you here (Nothing left for you here)

The End - Only Be a Story

'Cause when I go I already know My life will only be a story All that I've been All that I've built All fades away inside a moment And the pain won't matter The power won't matter The shame burns with the glory When I'm gone My life will only bе a story

The Eye - Watch Me

All eyes on you, we're watching you It's too bad you're too stuck to move Too bad you wouldn't know what to do If the right thing walked right up to you It's none steps forward, none steps back No harm, no foul, you play like that? Your game sucks, you need a new one Your game sucks, make a new one up Up the ante, up the drive Slow down - is this how you feel inside? Torn in the middle like you can't decide Can't step up to save your life I'm calling it, you're full of shhh More scared to make noise than you care to admit

The Flesh - Under The Knife

Devil drew you in, you didn’t let it show Didn’t want the others to ever have to know That you were getting hooked on up up up And all you had to do was cut cut cut You carved a special place for your pain So it came back to hurt you every night You closed your eyes and wished it all away Until you disappeared under the knife

The Hunt - Off With Her Head

How long until it starts to do me in? I can't give out what I'm not breathing in I know, they'll come with what I'm owed, guilty as charged My enemies belittle me reminding me the penalty of all my deeds, despite my pleas, is death Don't let go, cause I don't wanna be this, I don't wanna be this Death is mine, I know Don't let go, don't let go

The Lonely - The Grey

I am standing on the edge of returning or just running away I am letting myself look the other way And the hardest part in all of this is I don't think I know my way back home Is it worth the journey, or do I let my heart settle here? How cold have I become? I didn't want to Lose you by what I'd done Caught in the grey

The Slaughter - Ready For Combat

You can try to minimize me, but here's the truth I've been saving all my savage up just for you I'm ready for combat, ready for rage Haven't you heard? Luck favors the crazy I'll make you fight back, yeah, how you like that? And just like that, I got you Rеady for combat, give me a war I tick like a timеbomb, ready to roar Let me ignite that, yeah, how you like that? And just like that, I got you Ready for combat

The Spiral - Brittle

If I get defensive Don't say I'm oversensitive Maybe I have a tendency to snap on people telling me "You fit inside this box we built, we know you better than yourself" They're lying, they're lying, they're lying I'm just a statistic Just another tragic misfit Ship that cliché to the clinic Document my disposition Then they put me in a box Slap a label on the top Tape me up and ship me off Now I'm someone else's problem

The Stranger - Theatre

My life is a musical I know how to put on a pretty pathetic show I hide backstage Keep the curtains closed 'Cause I'm scared, I'm scared I'm getting pretty good at feeding them the lines they like But I don't recognize the girl that I face each night I can compromise till I'm convinced It's right

The Vast - i literally could not find anything remotely fitting for this one. suggestions are much appreciated

The Web - Venom

Don't meet their eyes, it's hypnotic Make you forget that it's toxic Caught up in all the chaotic Sold you a lie and you bought it Before you know it, you're nauseous Hands down your throat 'til you vomit Collapse from all the exhaustion And now they got what they wanted Misery, misery is the venom in my brain Killin' me, killin' me, but I don't feel the pain Running from something that I can't really explain Misery, misery is the venom in our veins

#tma #icon for hire

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laughingue · 1 year

Text

why do i want my boyfriend to cheat on me? It’s not out of some weird desire to get out of the relationship and not be at fault. its not because i feel like im emotionally cheating on him. maybe its because it would explain why hes such a weird boyfriend, like sometimes hes really supportive, albeit in his unhelpful way, but like I support him so much. i give him encouragement, insight, i indulge in his bitching about the various ppl he knows. and yet whenever i need support its always, “idk what u want me to say” or “ i wish i could help you right now” when the only thing ive asked of him up until recently is emotional support. agreement even just to indulge. i feel as tho it would maybe explain the constant cheating allegations hes thrown at me over the 2 years weve been together. the way he constantly talks about his exes, both good and bad. the way he uses the “emotional abuse” he suffered at the hands of his most recent ex as a bargaining chip for sympathy. yet not only does he discount the actual real cases of physical or emotional abuse thrown at women in the workplace or in domestic settings, HES ADMITTED HE WAS JUST AS BAD AS HIS EX.

hes said that it was a toxic relationship, that he shouldve left it a long time ago. that it was bad for both of them, and hadnt it have been for the recent cheating scandal, revealed by his mormon childhood friend, he wouldve maybe been left to dig deeper into why that relationship was so bad.

Maybe i just feel blamed, for her cheating because he never got closure. for their bad relationship. for the guilt he potentially feels for agreeing to date me so soon after they broke up. Maybe he still had feelings for her, and he feels guilty. so he blames me.

I think he’s an okay boyfriend. I love him i think

he has a good job now, after encouragement from me to go back to school, encouragement to start applications, encouragment do his best and take it seriously. hes still, inexplicably paying off his credit card debt. which had apparently stayed below 3k for over a year.

I used to pay for everything and he complains about buying me dinner.

i dont know what i want. this didnt help.

#rambles

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devildomdisaster · 3 years

Note

Idk if you read Lore Olympus but chapter 129 gave me an angsty request idea.

So Persephone, who’s the goddess of spring, goes into a hibernation-like state and when her emotions go out of control, she ends up growing her hair really long and her body sprouts a lot of plants from her; to the point of covering her and whatever area she’s in with her plants.

So I would like to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an MC who gets really sad whenever the brothers insult or threaten them and after several weeks of being berated by demons it causes MC to shut down and go to their room but mistakes a comfort spell with a plant curse that causes their hair and plants to grow continuously long. The plants fill up MC’s room and while they would normally be surprised at the mistake, they don’t care any more. They allow the plants to to grow, even wrap around their neck and body, and hopes the curse kills them off before the brothers notice as they go in the “hibernation” stage of the curse (The curse causes the victim to grow a lot of plants and vines from their body until they die, which can take a few days).

I’m sorry for being so long and descriptive, I just wanna see the Bros panic and feel guilty that MC felt pushed to do this to themselves but I understand if you don’t want to do it

I don't read Lore Olympus but you described the situation really well so I hope this is something close to what you wanted.

Comfort spell gone wrong

Lately, nothing seemed to be good enough for the demons. No matter what you did one of them would find something to berate you for.

“Mc, your grades are subpar even for an exchange student. You’ll have to try harder in order to not be a disappointment to Diavolo and myself.” Lucifer warned over breakfast.

“Mc, you burned dinner. You should learn to be a better cook.” Beel grumbled. As if you had ever seen any of these ingredients before ending up in the Devildom.

Even Mammon seemed to be in a particularly unpleasant mood. A never-ending string of complaints about how hard it is to protect an ordinary human. “Geez, you’re such a hassle human.”

Taking refuge in the library to study and to give Mammon a break from you proved disastrous and nearly deadly. Somehow you’d managed to spill your cup of tea all over an old somewhat rare text after Asmo had barged in and startled you. Your string of bad luck continued when Satan rounded the corner and saw the soggy tea-stained pages you’d been trying to decipher. In his fit of rage, he’d called you several unpleasant names and asked if you were “capable of doing anything right or if all humans are as stupid as you?” You’d left as quickly as you were able to avoid any more of his wrath.

No matter where you went you kept walking in on Belphie napping and without fail he’d say something nasty to you, that would make tears burn the backs of your eyes.

Levi had angrily called you a “useless normie,” who he wished would “never come back.” and had pushed you from his room with a slam of his door.

Even Asmo who usually just ignored you when he was upset found every reason imaginable to critique your every aspect. Physical and personality. Not a single one of which made you feel any more than worthless.

So was it any wonder when at the end of a long week you’d locked yourself in your room and decided to try that comfort spell you’d heard Solomon talking about? It seemed simple enough. But then your tears had blurred your vision as you’d recited the words and your Latin was still shaky at best. But it was just a few lines! And there was no way you were going to go to one of the brothers for comfort when they had seemed perfectly happy to make you miserable for the last few weeks.

You’d read the spell aloud and curled up hoping that the spell would kick in and you’d feel even just the slightest bit better. The blinding green light and sudden drop in energy was the first and only warning the spell had gone wrong. But being new to magic meant it still sapped your energy, so you didn’t stop to think something might be wrong. By the time you realized what was happening, everything was out of control. Plants had begun to sprout from your skin and the floor around you, growing and growing. With each inch they grew you felt your exhaustion creep up and consume you. You were just so tired. Your eyes fluttered closed. This was wrong! You forced your eyes open again. You need to fix this. The spell! But a short nap wouldn’t hurt, would it? You’d have more energy after you woke up. Then you could go get one of the brothers. Satan would know how to fix this. Or Lucifer! He’d clean the spell up easily. Yes, after you woke up…

Lucifer hadn’t seen you all weekend. He figures you’re most likely studying. But you don’t show up for meals and none of his brothers have seen you either… and oh Diavolo! He can feel the spell from the dining room. How did he not notice sooner? The cold pulling sensation of the spell, like it was sucking the warmth and life from its surroundings.

When Lucifer reaches your door Mammon is already there. Knocking and shouting for you, but there's no answer. He all but breaks your door down, his brothers behind him, and finds you at the center of the spell. Unresponsive and covered in the plants using your energy to grow. The plants had begun climbing up the walls and twisting through your hair, sending out snow-white flowers.

“Beel! Don’t!” Lucifer warns as Beel reaches out to pull a handful of plants from you. “We don’t know what did this and what will happen to Mc if we just rip the spell off like that.”

“Lucifer, Mc did this to themself,” Satan points to the open spellbook. “It looks like they got a comfort spell mixed up.”

Fortunately, your last tired thoughts were correct and Lucifer is able to break the spell quickly. You wake surrounded by the brothers.

Lucifer:

All this happened for a comfort spell? Because you didn’t feel like you could come to him, to any of them?

He’s so sorry Mc. Enough that as he leans down to pick you up out of the mess of withering plants you can feel tears fall onto your face.

“Nothing I did was good enough for you Lucifer. Any of you. I just wanted to feel… I just wanted-”

His heart breaks when he realizes this is his brother’s fault, his fault. “You are always good enough, Mc. Much more than I could ever ask you to be, and if I ever made you feel like you weren't. No, the fact that I made you feel like you weren’t, means I have been truly terrible.”

You’re choking back your own tears now and you curl further into his arms as he carries you down the hall. “You said I was a disappointment.”

“My dear Mc, you have never been, nor could you ever be a disappointment to me. Forgive me for ever making you feel as if you were.”

Lucifer takes you to his bathroom and draws you a bath to wash away the last of the plant matter from your body.

Afterward, he’ll bring you anything you ask for. He wants to wrap you in his arms but doesn’t want to push you, so he asks softly if he can hold you.

He’ll spend weeks trying to make this up to you, even after you forgive him, he’ll be sure to tell you how much he loves you more often than he did before.

Mammon:

Shit human! Why didn’t you come to him? He loves you so much and oh. He made you feel like a burden.

How could he be so stupid when he knows how his brothers make him feel?

Mammon begs for your forgiveness in front of all his brothers.

“Please can ya forgive me? I never meant to make ya feel like a burden. You're the only human I- I want to protect you Mc. I’m so sorry.”

Mammon helps you up and since your room is covered in plants he offers to let you sleep in his room for the night.

He wraps you in blankets and brushes the hair from your face with trembling fingertips.

There are still a few stubborn leaves sticking to your face and in your hair so Mammon takes a warm washcloth and wipes them from your face before gently untangling the plants from your hair.

You’ll be getting little gifts and tokens of mammon’s affections for the foreseeable future.

Levi:

He threw you out of his room when you came to him for comfort and the guilt at seeing you almost die because of it is eating him alive.

He feels frozen

Maybe you would be better off without an otaku shut-in like him. He starts avoiding you like the plague.

You start to think that Levi is so disgusted with the fact that you did that spell that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

Despite this Levi still checks up on you. He wants to know that you are ok, he just does it without you knowing.

He’ll ask his brothers about you and discreetly glance at you during meals to make sure you’re eating enough and look healthy.

A few days later when your favorite and manga anime start showing up outside your door you confront Levi. “Are you mad at me? Do you just not want to be around me after what happened? Levi, I miss you!”

He is shook, and he can’t believe he messed up so badly.

He’s happy that he can invite you to hang out again, and he makes sure to spend long nights gaming or watching movies with you until you fall asleep against him. He’ll even stutter out how much he treasures his time with you, blushing fiercely all the while.

Satan:

Satan feels anger swell up inside him. How could he have let this happen? How could no one have seen how upset you were?

Once the spell has been dissolved he is at your side instantly. Brushing vines from your skin. His fingers are shaking in anger but his touch is so gentle.

When both you and your room are cleaned up Satan sits at your bedside, book in hand, reading to you.

He just wants to be close to you now. He wants you to know how much he cares about you but is still too worked up to get his thoughts out properly.

Eventually, his thoughts calm and he stops reading in the middle of a sentence. “Mc, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you feel unwanted. Every day I spend with you is infinitely better than a day without you. I know the spell was a mistake but… we almost lost you. I almost lost you.”

He wants to talk about what pushed you to do this. He won’t push but he really does think that he will be better able to help you if he understands.

Satan makes sure to spend more time with you from now on. He makes a conscious effort to check his temper at the door and be with you when you need him.

Sometimes he’ll just read to you until one of you confides in the other in quiet voices.

Asmo:

As you blink your eyes open Asmo gently brushes some plants from your cheek.

You are so pale and his heart breaks as you flinch away from him. You feel like a mess and you know you must look like one too so curl your body away from him trying to hide. Trying to avoid his critical gaze.

This is the moment Asmo knows he screwed up.

He draws his hand back, for a moment, before reaching out to you again. Cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with perfectly manicured hands.

Lucifer has him take you to his bathroom to clean up while the rest of the brothers work to clear the plants from your room.

Asmo is quiet for a long while as he untangles plants from your hair.

“You’re so loved, Mc,” he says softly. “You are.” he insists when you shake your head no.

“More than you could ever know, and it’s our fault for not telling you. My fault for not making you feel worthy.”

After this incident, Asmo wants to make sure you know how beautiful you are. He starts self-care days once a week that soon turn into whole family affairs. Each week different combinations of his brother attend and you all work to pamper each other.

Asmo makes sure nothing like this happens again, he never wants to be part of the reason you feel unloved ever again.

Beel:

At first, Beel thinks you did this on purpose. Once the brothers realize you messed up the spell he is less angry but no less distraught.

Once you wake up, he wants to take you to get desserts. He’s heard humans eat Chocolate/ other sweets to feel better. And this makes sense to him, food does make everything better.

But you don’t want to go to Madam Screams or the kitchen to make your own. You’re still so tired. Not to mention embarrassed that you screwed the spell up this bad.

And now they are all staring at you like they care so much when none of them had any time to notice how they were making you feel before.

When you become unresponsive to the brother’s questions and apologies Beel scoops you up in his arms and walks away with you.

Something about the way he holds you close to his chest and his warmth causes you to finally let go.

You bury your face in his shirt to muffle your crying.

“I just… I felt so alone! And… I...but no one” you gasp out shakily between sobs.

Beel soothes you with soft murmuring as he gently cards his fingers through your hair and strokes down your back.

Once your crying quiets he starts to speak “Don’t do that again. You can always come to me Mc. I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t”

Belphie:

Belphie thinks it’s a joke at first. “Man, how could they mess up this bad?”

Then he sees Lucifer’s panicked expression and it hits him how serious this is.

Belphie is immediately by your side. Hands frantically feeling your wrist for a pulse.

After Lucifer breaks the spell and your eyes flutter open Belphie is filled with relief until a wave of guilt washes through him.

He can’t believe he fucked up so badly again. Sure this time he didn’t directly cause you physical harm, but he did play a role in causing you to almost die again.

“I am so very sorry Mc, I never meant to hurt you.”

He does everything he can think of to make it up to you. Anything you ask him for, as long as it’s within his power, is yours. No questions asked.

He asks permission just to hold your hand for weeks afterward as if he thinks you’ll come to your senses and decide you don’t want anything to do with him.

He wants to comfort you so bad.

To make sure you don’t feel like this again Belphie pulls you away to nap with him as often as he can get away with it. Most likely only a few times a week (much less often than he would like). Sometimes he uses this time just to talk with you. Others you really do nap, and Belphie curls himself around you. Occasionally he enters your dreams while you nap together to make sure no nightmares can touch you.

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sstan-hoe · 3 years

Text

𝐷𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑦 𝐾𝑖𝑛𝑘 — 𝐴𝑛𝑑𝑦 𝐵𝑎𝑟𝑏𝑒𝑟

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 — Andy Barber x Fem!reader

𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 — SMUT, Daddy kink, unprotected sex, forplay, kinda sick/weird side of the kink

𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 — Idk what to say tbh, *not my gif, reblog and comment! I would call this fashionable late haha

• KINKTOBER

„You‘re sick!” You shouted at the man infront of you who was known as Andy Barber, he had just presented the idea of you calling him ‘daddy’ while sex. While you two did have kinks like praise, sex toys and some other stuff this was never a part of it.

“Darlin’ come on.” He looked at you with pleading eyes. You and Andy promised to each other that you will always be honest with one another including the talk about your kinks.

“No, Andy. I called my dad ‘daddy’ when I was a little kid, it’s weird.” You argued, Andy could understand how you felt he himself took long to accept the fact that he had a daddy kink.

It all started when your daughter was born, and you got in the routine of calling him ‘daddy’ around her because of her. But Andy loved it a bit to much and he thought he was insane for thinking like this.

Andy’s hands softly gazed over your inner thighs as he admired his view over your body as you layed sprawled out on your shared bed. “I could look at you all day.” He whispered in awe.

“You can look at me how long you want daddy…” You replied with a smile, Andy’s hand stroked over you slit.

Two of his fingers dipped into your soaked hole that was greedy for attention. “You’re such a greedy girl for daddy.” A desperate cry left your lips. One of his hands moves to rest on your thigh slightly pinching it.

“Daddy!” You moaned, your walls flutter and clench around his fingers.

“Andy!” You snapped your fingers in front of his face as he began spacing out. His head snapped torwards you with a light confused expression.

“What?” He asked but you just shook your head. Walking up to him you put your hands on his cheek, his warmth heating your cold hands. Andy leaned into your touch as he closed his eyes and closed his hand around yours.

“I love you Andy, and maybe one day I will be ready to do that but for now you’re just Reena’s daddy.” Andy saw guilty lacing in your eyes and morphed with your tone.

“It’s fine, I’m sorry for taking you by surprise like that.” You smiled at him, you felt bad that you couldn’t fulfill his wish.

Andy laid in bed turning around in his bed while you laid beside him sleeping soundly.

“Yes daddy…right there!” His thrusts speed up, getting rougher and quicker as he kept hitting the same spot every fucking time. “ Be quiet for daddy, baby, can’t have Reena or Jacob hear you.”

Hips snapping into you, the feeling of your cunt clenching around him, strangling his cock is too much for him. Andy didn’t want to come before you, he never did. But your moans mixed with you calling him ‘daddy’ was too much.

“Come daddy, fill me up with your cum…please daddy.” You begged him. Strands of his hair fell out as he thrusted in you.

Your hands came up to his cheeks making him look directly into your eyes. “I won’t come without you baby.” He promised you, letting out a silent cry your eyes roll into the back of your head as Andy divided his thumb down to you clit drawing harsh circles.

“Daddy s-“

Andy stirred awake, pushing himself up. “Fuck!” He exclaimed, instantly Andy looked over at you hoping you’d be still asleep. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Whispering to himself he thought ‘do I have a problem?’

𝑇𝑎𝑔𝑠 —

@slut-for-bucky-barnes @thehuntresswolf @wandalosthervision @til-my-feet-are-wet @tomhoelland01 @kaiparker-avengerssmut @evans-cavill @emmygrey21 @hrryflvoured @disappointmentofthefam @buckyxxrogers @anythingandeverything97 @buckysbabydolldude @poetic-heart @iambeeee @browneyedgirl365 @satzukim @xealia @patzammit @everything-burns-down @anonymousswritings @honeyyxashes @maybe-a-bi-witch @slutforchrisjamalevans @buckysbae @sunflowerfive @lewisjada03 @queenofthepouges @harrysthiccthighss @znylxcevans @iwannabekilledtwice @hallecarey1 @maybe-a-bi-witch @nostxlgia18 @slutforchrisjamalevans @multixfandomwriter @bunnyrecs @wednesdayaddamsmood @idfkgabby @miniaturesuitcasevoidstudent @yourssincerelytae @ambrosia-bloom @oliviabelova @fantasymindz @divinelycevans @moony-is-bae @lxdyred @justreadingficsdontmindme @johndeaconshands

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leviiattacks · 3 years

Note

teacher!levi and teacher!reader headcanons please 🥺

author note :: i expected for this to be better but idk,,, um, you know maybe it’s just me who wishes i executed it better but i wrote this at 3am that’s my excuse. ANYWAY I HOPE U ENJOY ANON :-))) i know it’s not headcanons but here!! also my ask box is always open to feel free to drop by !!

word count :: 5.4k (after i had to severely cut the word count down because my tumblr wouldn’t let me post the longer version with more detail,,,,)

honestly you’ve never fit in well with the math teachers in particular but you’re still amicable with most

however, there’s one unbearable member of the group that happens to want to play jump rope with your patience constantly

and that person just so happens to be mr ackerman

every single staff meeting the both of you sit furthest away from each other whilst silently exchanging bitter glares

maybe it’s his stony disposition or his unrealistically harsh grading system that makes him seem so off putting to you.

or perhaps it’s your soft and gentle approach to teaching that drives him up a wall

but to make matters simple, the two of you have never got along. nearly everything he says you disagree with and nearly everything you say he has to rebuke.

every outlandish suggestion of his at meetings is met with firm disapproval from you and every time you bring up wanting to provide the children with more time for extracurricular activities he sneers in annoyance

today he’s proposing a plan to set exams as soon as possible

???

you wonder if he’s even thinking with his head attached to his neck because it’ll be impossible for the children to handle all of the content in the form of an exam paper so soon

the workload he’s been pushing onto his math class has become far too ridiculous for your liking and you want to put an end to the man’s reign of terror

it just so happens your classes are scheduled in the blocks next to each other meaning he always sees your students an hour before you do

it’s got to the point where your pupils trudge into english class completely EXHAUSTED

the other day a boy fainted because of lack of sleep and now mr ackerman has the audacity to put forward the exam dates???

“we need to instill these children with discipline. taking them by surprise will give them a much needed reality check.”

you groan at his speech and raise a hand

“may i interject?”

professor ackerman’s tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek the irritation is painted on his face but he nods although he seems reluctant

“these children do not need standardized exams to-”

“would you like for me to completely scrap exams from the curriculum?” without even allowing for you to present your argument he has to cut you off with a mocking grin

“levi, i think-”

“that's mr ackerman to you.”

his blunt correction has you rolling your eyes because YES!! you understand the two of you aren’t exactly the best of friends but he doesn’t even want to be on a first name basis with a colleague of two years??

his pettiness has your blood boiling in searing displeasure

“you have to stop going so hard on these children.”

he’s shuffling through some paperwork not even batting an eye in your direction.

“personally, we aren’t hard enough but of course the english teacher has trouble understanding that.”

the jab he makes at your job only causes the anger inside of you to bubble up again

why does teaching english have ANYTHING to do with this???

“you teach math yet you can’t calculate the reasoning behind your subpar love life. do not insult english.”

personal insults are your favourite to throw at him because he always gets so riled up

and actually for once you have the answer to a math question.

the reason why his love life is so uneventful has to be because of this :

his personality + his obnoxious humour + his looks = a good looking but undatable man

his jaw clenches and the grip he has on the stack of papers in his hands strengthens

ok,, that is kinda hot but that is not relevant at all

you’re able to make out miss ral one of the other math teachers make a move to speak and god you fight the urge to punch her every day because she’s always gushing about mr ackerman

seeing as you don’t want to punch her or anyone for that matter you turn to give her a “if you speak right now i swear to god i will lose my shit” look

she gets the memo incredibly quickly because her mouth closes shut immediately

mr ackerman takes a sip out of the cup of black tea next to him. “i would appreciate if you just sat back and let me do what’s best.”

“children fainting in my lesson is not what’s best.” your rebuttal catches him off guard and he seems more than a little surprised

“wait- fainted??”

you eyes flick over to mr zacharias, you had told him to pass the message on but the way he’s sheepishly looking at the floor avoiding your eyes clearly tells you all you have to know

“looks like someone forgot to pass the message onto you but the other day falco fainted in english.”

“is he- is he okay?? did he say why?”

eyebrows raising you’re quite surprised to see any sort of reaction from him let alone concern

“he stayed up all night completing your homework.”

lips pressing together into a fine line it almost looks as if he’s guilty

“i’ll talk to him about it later.” his voice is back to its usually plain tone and any trace of his previous worry has been masked.

an awkward silence follows. he coughs choosing to not continue the discussion about exams.

principal smith takes the hint and moves on to discuss planned school trips

HOORAH victory!!!

yet another day where you’ve saved your students

“who is fallacy and why are they pathetic?” a few snorts and giggles are heard around the class and you force yourself to laugh at falco's miserable attempt at a joke

you’ve noticed falco’s been cracking more jokes around his new seat mate gabi.

she’s small but feisty always willing to debate and she’s really a joy to teach although she can get a little bit aggressive with the others at times

honestly it’s quite obvious that falco has a fat crush on her. well, actually it’s been obvious from the moment she step foot into your class

and... you couldn’t just ignore the way falco looked at her could you?? and there was an empty space next to him too sooooo, what harm would there be in placing the two together?

it seems as if your attempt at getting the both of them to talk has worked. gabi and falco compete desperately for the top position in the class and are two of the best students you’ve had in a while

also after the day falco fainted in class gabi has been noticeably nicer. things like asking if he’s drank water or how much he’s slept

you have a small inkling that she may like him back

and the budding romance is adorable to you because you too once had childhood crushes

it feels rather nostalgic to see the two interact

but today you notice the two aren’t in

in fact, you notice half of the class isn’t?

“where are the others?” your question sends a jolt through one of your present students but he stays silent choosing to pretend to clean his glasses as a distraction

crossing your arms over your chest you walk over towards his desk

“udo, you can tell me what it is.”

“professor ackerman said not to tell.” udo looks petrified and you’re just kinda wondering what in the hell is going on

lucky for you his resolve is thin and he quickly cracks under pressure

“okay. you can’t say i told.”

nodding in agreement he looks around making sure no one else hears what exactly it is he’s about to disclose

“he’s kept some people back to talk to them about something top secret. i don’t know what but he asked for the students who like you.”

at that you feel a little bitter because if he asked for the student who liked you why on earth is half the class still here??

but oh well, you guess you can’t please them all

“oh no, no, no. you’ve got it wrong. we all wanted to stay but he didn’t let us.”

udo looks genuine so you let it slide

either way it doesn’t really matter as long as the majority prefer you over that sick and twisted math teacher you’re alright

“he does know he’s cut into my class time right?”

“falco told him that and he whispered something about how you’re bothersome.”

you???? bothersome???

WHEN HE’S THE ONE BOTHERING EVERYONE?/!:£:!/)

you don’t even look back as you walk out frankly furious at what’s happened

english is important

ACTUALLY!!!

ENGLISH > MATH

you will stand by that till the day you die

your knuckle meets with the wooden surface of your sworn enemy’s classroom door and almost automatically you’re able to hear the shuffle of chairs and padding of numerous footsteps approach

the door swings open and you step aside to allow your missing students to pass through

they look nervous but one look at your reassuring smile lets them ease up and relax

“well.” a voice behind you snaps “look who paid me a visit.”

“we’re talking about this later.”

you try your best to sound serious but you don’t know if you pull it off as well as he does because he just ends up giving you a disappointed sort of look

“y/n. stick to being the good cop it suits you better.”

“we are not on first name basis. you said it yourself.” is your narrowed comeback

finally turning to face him you’re surprised when your eyes travel to the triangle of space behind him and you’re able to get a peek of what looks to be a list of books on his whiteboard

pride and prejudice

wuthering heights

jane eyre

ville-

before you’re able to read the rest he moves in front of your line of vision

he’s got quite the selection but,, when did he of all the people on this planet start showing any interest in literature?

“the books on the board what’s that about?”

your inquiry flies over his head and he shuts the door behind him completely

his face doesn’t move and if it does it only shows the slightest hint of confusion

“what books are you talking about?” he replies and don’t know why your knees feel a little weak when he looks you straight in the eyes

snap.

out.

of.

it.

“i saw books on the board.”

“you saw wrong.” he barks back and he’s getting agitated now

maybe you did imagine it...

and you have to get back to teach your class so okay fair enough you’ll let it go because you do know you have a habit of daydreaming randomly

however that doesn’t stop you from giving him another skeptical look before you leave because there is NO WAY you imagined it, but it is you and it really could be a possibility

the click clack of your heels against the floor sound out as you remove yourself from the conversation

you assume he’s returned to his classroom

that’s why it catches you by surprise when you hear a hesitant voice behind you

“there were no books on the board.”

you don’t know why he has to tell you that again because it only makes himself look all the more suspicious

“but if they were a list of book recommendations then what would you recommend i read?”

the question is peculiar coming from him

are you in an alternate universe?

is this a dream?

are you talking to a clone?

a robot?

because this can NOT be the same man you’ve been working with for two years

maybe he’s having a change of heart?

but that sounds unlikely

maybe he’s planning to read the book and somehow with that big brain of his formulate a calculation to score it a measly two out of ten

yeah. that sounds more likely.

nevertheless, you still want to give him a recommendation, maybe he’ll find out he’s into books this way

“you should totally check out pride and prejudice :-)”

for once you’re smiling at him and he doesn’t know what to do because the change is sudden but he doesn’t say a word after that

instead he retreats into his classroom

god.

now you’re sure he’s just asked to form a stupid calculation or whatever the hell it is math teachers do.

“he likes you.” hange has a shit eating grin on their face and you can’t help but narrow your eyes and sigh in exasperation

no he does not like you but you don’t try to correct hange because you know they’re firm in their stupid belief

“would you ever date him?” hange fiddles with the last of their potato salad absentmindedly waiting on your reply

the question literally has you choking on your lunch

“i would rather fight for survival in the wilderness. thank you for asking.”

“oh come on... he’s got a thing for you. you read romance novels all the time you should be able to tell he does.”

“yeah and that thing he has for me is wanting to shove my head onto a pitchfork. you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.” shoving a piece of pasta into your mouth you sigh dreamily at the taste. it serves as a momentary distraction

you get one lunch break and you are not!!!! in the mood to talk about him whilst you’re on that break

he’s attractive

and you have to admit he looks handsome in his crisp white button up and pristine black suit AND his cologne is really...

okay, you are digressing from the point

none of what you just said means anything!!!

at surface level he seems like a catch but it’s what’s on the inside that matters and he said he finds english stupid

that’s more than enough of a reason to dislike the guy?

he thinks stuff like the pythagorean theorem and y = mx+c are entertaining

y = mx+c ??? over literature???

you read books to teach and you read books for your own enjoyment

it would be a complete travesty if you had a crush on a book hater

and levi ackerman most certainly can be classed as a book hater.

a pessimistic book hater if the specifics are needed

“OH! SORRY Y/N GOTTA BLAST MOB’S OVER THERE!!!!!”

you don’t even get the chance to say goodbye because hange makes an eager run towards moblit

hange and moblit are inseparable, both are the shared heads of the science department and since he’s been off on sick leave recently you understand why hange’s rushed off to greet him

you wish you had a teacher friend like that but the sad truth is you’re pretty much a lone wolf. the other english teachers are wrinkly old pickles and talk about antiques or quiz shows :-(

“this seat free?”

no way.

it’s not him

it can't be

what does he even want??

“um, well yeah it is free b-.”

“good.” he takes the seat without you even inviting him and now you’re stuck in an awkward situation you didn’t even expect to be in today

you're about to burst into tears because is it too much to ask for a peaceful lunch period???

mr ackerman clears his throat and places a book in the center of the table. “pride and prejudice although not my cup of tea was... mildly enjoyable.”

wait...

is this him...

admitting defeat!??

HELLLOOOOO

you are over the moon right now because you know he really had to have enjoyed it a lot and is simply choosing to withhold that information for his own reputation

“i’m happy to hear you took a liking to it.” you’re munching away at your pasta a little more upbeat now

“okay but the start of the book assuming all single men want a wife? no, all i want is a good night’s rest for once. also mrs bennet needs to calm down, elizabeth can marry who the hell she wa-”

“someone’s a little passionate aren’t they?” you giggle into your glass of water and you catch mr ackerman frowning

“i liked it okay.”

“i thought you said it was only mildly enjoyable just now?” grinning and looking at him through your lashes his cheeks become red

you guess he’s angry or something but that’s the usual with him

“yeah, whatever. i just wanted to play fair and apologise.”

“apologise?” oh wow, now your interest has really peaked because never in the past two years has he apologised to ANYONE

not even principal smith for the one time he flipped out and nearly cursed at a mouthy student at parent's evening

grimacing a little before he does it he finally speaks again.

“english is important. i’m sorry.”

your lips tug up into a bright smile

well???

this is a great interaction??

an apology coming out of levi ackerman of all people

“apology accepted! i’m glad to know you liked the book but now that we’re a tad bit friendlier with each other i wanted to ask for a favour.” your eyes gleam and he swears he can see specks of shining stars in them

“...okay, it depends.”

he’s warming up to you so he considers it

“please don’t cut into my lesson time levi.” his name slips out of your mouth but it’s so natural you don’t even care to correct yourself

“i’m sorry about that too y/n.” your name now ventures out of his mouth too as it tests the waters

wordlessly the two of you agree to first name basis

BUT more important matters are at hand such as how he’s issued you yet another apology?

this is satire surely

because why is he so willing all of a sudden...?

well, that's the power of pride and prejudice, wow you’re really thanking the heavens for blessing this world with jane austen’s existence

jane austen. a woman capable of remarkable things, she's even managed to make an unmoving book hater somehow become a lover

poking at your tuna pasta you and levi are now quiet.

“soooooo, any opinions on mr wickham?” you ask the question hoping to initiate a longer conversation than before

and luckily for you your attempt works

SUCCESS!!

levi pinches the bridge of his nose and the creases on his forehead show he clearly isn't particularly fond of wickham

“don’t get me started he’s so indescribably annoying?”

ok, ok, ok

you don’t even know how it happens but you and levi really hit it off

weeks have passed and you and him have even become lunch buddies

it was so shocking to moblit at first that he dropped his lunch on the floor when he saw you and levi enthusiastically exchanging words

then again, two mr wickham haters are bound to get along

you’re seriously wondering how the two of you ever survived as mortal enemies

yeah, you still disagree a lot but you’re getting there!!

sometimes he helps you out when your computer stops running and in exchange you’re willing to offer him book recommendations

he swears he doesn't want any recommendations from you but you know he enjoys it

yesterday he got microsoft excel out and showed you how useful it really was and you went :O because you never really understood the need for it at all

you’re a little bit of a granny when it comes to tech...

and just today at lunch you recommended he checks some plays out but his nose wrinkled at the mention of shakespeare so the both of you went through a long list of dramas and eventually you were able to interest him in j.b. priestely's an inspector calls

another victory for you!!

anyway, right now the two of you are sitting inside of the staff room seeing as it's that time of the month again.

time for the monthly staff meeting

it's the first one you've had since you and levi became friends and you're worried the both of you will be back at it butting heads

wait, are you friends?

well, you wouldn't mind if that were the case but to be honest you would like to be a little bit more than friends mayb-

no!!! no!!! no!!! stupid thought!!! you retract that statement immediately

no you do not want to be more than friends with levi ackerman, yes he's lovely to a degree but you are not going to elaborate on why it's a terrible idea to fancy him

okay wait, let's elaborate for the sake of elaborating

he's surprisingly charming and wittier than you thought he would be. the fun conversations are making your days now and to be honest it is nice to have someone to spend lunch with (hange usually skips out on lunch all together to tinker in the science labs and set up experiments)

wait... weren't you suppose to explain why you don't want to get with him?

you're an idiot and you don't notice how dumb you really are until everyone just kinda gawks at the both of you because it's so odd seeing you in the same room let alone within a three feet radius of each other.

fuck, you completely forgot you and levi sat at opposite ends of the room

principal smith enters and even he looks visibly shocked at the change in seats but he doesn't mention it and you're grateful he doesn't because you didn't purposefully sit here it just happened on accident

erwin turns in your direction and smiles

"would you like to start off with your proposition for extracurriculars?"

nodding your head you begin passionately.

"well, i'd like to say i don't think we offer the children enough. we have spare funding so why not open another club? cooking perhaps? i understand many of you may not understand the importance of teaching them how to cook but-"

"do you have an obsession for setting these children up for failure?" tensing up you notice it's levi who's spoke and he doesn't sound remotely happy

blinking once and then twice he realizes his tone isn't the best and he mutters an apology "sorry, go ahead i'll add in when you're done."

whispers travel through the room straight away

"did he just say sorry?"

"actually why are those two sitting together?"

"do you think they're you know...?"

miss ral who's sat a little further away is the next person to disagree with you

"i understand the intention but would it not be better to let them have extra math lessons?"

"oh, so you can get a pay rise?" the comeback you make is aggressive and dripping in displeasure

she sits up face burning up

"no- no- absolutely not i take pleasure in teaching all of my classes." flustered and trying to hide her nerves she takes a sip out of her water bottle

you want to pour all of the water out onto that ginger hair of hers

the reason why her interjection is getting on your nerves is due to the fact you overheard her and another one of the math teachers plan to bring this specific point up

and you are well aware that her reasoning behind it has nothing to do with the children

she couldn't care less about them

"do not make me repeat what you and mr bozado were chit chatting about earlier today."

the threat is enough to silence her and just when you think you've handled the situation levi has to give his input

"let's ignore petra's motivations and talk about how teaching these kids how to cook means nothing if they have no tradable skills to offer in the real world." levi's not looking at you. he's either too annoyed or too preoccupied with his thought process

at that moment you feel naive, you thought maybe he would try to understand your opinion seeing as he's been spending so much time with you as of recent but that looks to not be the case

murmurs of agreement fill the room at his statement and you feel pathetic

it's practically the entire room against you now

genuinely how is it these people can manage to be such spoiled sports about everything?

"recently, i asked all of my classes to write an essay about school stress. maybe you won't understand my views because you haven't read their pieces but they need a fucking break." the expletive flies out of your mouth without warning and you flush in embarrassment

that

was

not

professional.

"oh god, i'm sorry i got worked up i shouldn't hav-" fumbling over all of your words you feel even more mortified

the principal raises his hand signalling you stop and you clamp your mouth shut. you're in huge trouble that's for sure

but,,, in spite of the clear difference in opinion between you and the other teachers, soft and well spoken principal smith says the unthinkable

"i have the final say and i believe you are coming from a good place after reading your student's work. how would you feel about running the new cooking club?"

scanning his face for a second you can tell his question is legitimate and the wave of relief that washes over you has never felt better than ever

sighing contently you agree and as the topic of conversation shifts to something else entirely you sense your heart rate picking up

you feel like you're back to square one with levi.

it's yet another day where you’ve saved your students and you should be feeling overjoyed but if anything you feel a little deflated

you wish he would have come around and understood but you can't teach and old dog new tricks

again, the feeling of disappointment wears you down

two weeks have passed since then and your favourite time of year has come. it’s spring term meaning MACBETH

the english curriculum includes plays and it just so happens that today is your first lesson covering shakespeare

and you LOVE shakespeare

something about all the intricate foreshadowing always has you excited

but some children are missing

and it’s way too many to blame on sickness

so you wait for a few minutes but it's consistently radio silent

the last time this happened the culprit had been levi and he promised to never cut into your lesson time

but you could count on him to break his promise after the fiasco that was the monthly meeting

is he back to hating you and hating literature?

well, that's his loss if that's the case!! and no!! you will not upset yourself over the loss of the budding friendship

sighing you get to your feet making a beeline to the door but gabi and falco rush to stop you

awkward chuckles activated they wave their hands to get your attention “OH NO, they’ll only be five minutes!!” their sentence comes out as one big blur of words but you manage to understand them

now you’re doubtful because you know falco and gabi would usually ignore you and allow you to walk out

giving them a knowing glance the pair look between each other

their eyes are clearly communicating and asking if it’s alright to tell you

“i promise i won’t be mad.” you sigh

perhaps if you reassure them they’ll be more likely to spill the beans

“it’s not that you... i don't know. you might be upset.” gabi isn't one to care much for other's feelings so you're slightly anxious even though you shouldn't be

but you’re a tough nut to crack. so, absolutely not. you are not going to upset yourself over whatever it is

“i won’t be hurt. i’ve suffered through reading some of the most emotional classics to ever exist.” hitting your chest with your fist you wince a little because you hit yourself a little too hard

falco’s seems to be too shy to come out with it so gabi takes the lead as she normally does

“some students were talking badly about you so mr ackerman kept them behind to have a talk.”

oh.

yeah, actually you are a teeny weeny bit disheartened because you think you’re nice to all of your pupils but it’s nothing too bad, not everyone will like you

“if that’s all i’ll go get them. thank you for letting me know.” giving them two thumbs up you leave the class immediately

levi is probably scolding them to hell and back

not because he cares for you but because he hates disrespect in general

as you’re nearing the open door of his classroom you hear something you never thought would emerge from levi’s room

“final question. why does mr darcy say he doesn’t want to dance with elizabeth at first?” oh yeah, that’s levi’s voice for sure

an english question?

is he quizzing them on pride and prejudice?

you wait hoping your students don't fail you and are able to provide the correct answer.

“ummm... she’s not pretty enough!!”

levi hums “you answered all five questions right. do you all know why?”

you can’t see the children’s faces but they have to be confused if there’s no immediate response

he grunts in agitation “because your english teacher works hard to teach you every single day. have some respect because that teacher of yours is one in a million.”

taking your bottom lip in between your teeth you fight the urge to smile

“do you know how at every single staff meeting there’s only ever one teacher fighting for you all and what you want. i can assure you that teacher isn’t me, but i believe you can all guess who i'm talking about.”

your heart does a back flip in your chest and you feel jittery but in that really fuzzy good way

like that super duper fuzzy and hazy good way

he’s really very sweet for saying all of this and you're now smiling like an idiot

one pupil takes a chance to make amends “we’re sorry mr ackerman.”

but before levi can give them a response you clap your hands together and walk in unannounced

“apology accepted, now if you want to all be forgiven forever please return to class and answer the questions on the board!” directing them to the door with your hands you make sure they're conscious fo the fact you aren't mad at them

still, never have you seen them so eager to run off to analyze macbeth. you guess levi's deathly stare is the cause for it

holding back a laugh you clear your throat after the last student leaves

“thank you levi :-)”

it’s quiet for a second and you think to ask him about what has been gnawing at your mind

“you didn’t have to do that. you disagreed with me before so... why did you?”

“i say this at every meeting and you never listen but children need to be disciplined.” his unchangeable tone is unwelcoming

again it’s awkwardly silent and you sorta regret even coming over to see what was going on because now you and levi are just having an uncomfortable staring contest

then he scratches the back of his neck and heaves a heavy breath

“it may also be because i really fucking like you, but i look like an idiot saying that when we’ve been at each other's necks for two years.”

oh.

the sudden and brutally honest confession has the wind knocked out of you, you’re stunned

and then you get hit by it too. the realization hits you like rain hits umbrellas on stormy days. you like him too.

you like him for his witty sense of humour, his pure honesty and his hatred for mr wickham only serves as a bonus

yes, you have your differences. many of them. but you like him

he’s no longer a book hater and so by default you can fancy him. he goes against none of your guidelines essentially

you like him, he likes you back?’//’.;

[SCREAMS]

“well, what do you say? will you be this mr darcy's elizabeth bennet?” hearing the cheesy pickup line from him of all people has the butterflies in your stomach exploding in delight

“you sound weird, where's the grumpy math teacher from before?" now you and him are simply shamelessly flirting but HEY!! you have no complaints at all

he scoffs at your sarcastic question

"do you want the equation for a two dimensional heart on a graph beca-"

"can i just kiss you?"

wOWIE are you being bold today y/n???

thankfully you don't have to wait for his answer. levi’s right hand pulls your face in and he slams his lips against yours. he gives your waist a squeeze and you hold him tighter by the neck in response. he has a way of somehow making it all feel gentle and relaxed in the same breath

and... you know what? maybe you should have recommended pride and prejudice to him earlier

but oh well.

what matters the most right now is that you're kissing your mr darcy!!

and he’s kissing his elizabeth bennet

:-)

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