#im really staying sane based on the boys this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

that-sarcastic-writer · 3 years

Text

That's my girl- Arthur Morgan

Fandom: Red dead redemption 2

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x F!Reader

Summary: sometimes Micah Bell deserves to be punched in the face, so you do just that

Warnings: cursing, some inappropriate remarks from Micah, reader being a badass, Arthur being a protective boy

WC: 2.6k

A/N: so i know this will probably be such a flop, but since im doing a replay of red dead i just fell in love with arthur all over again. so yay im writing for him for a bit. this one was kinda based on how much i wanted to punch micah the entire time. so here it is. Also I call reader miss jones, since in this game people are called by their last name a lot I felt itd be more fitting to come up with one rather than use L/N which I dont really like. I'll probably use that last name if I do more oneshots. Other than that, reader still remains neutral with no further specifications.

Most days you loved the life you chose, the decision you made after the Van Der Linde gang found you all alone, scared and with nowhere to go was probably the best of your life. The day you chose to stay with them was the day you found a family. Sure it was tough, the constant running away, going from camp to camp, the killing, the robbing, sometimes both and to innocent folk. But you had people that cared about you, loved you and protected you. And then you had the love of your life. The man that saved you when you first met, the man that took care of you and taught you all you had to learn about this life. Arthur Morgan was the reason you didn't just break down when some bad people killed your parents. It was Arthur that took care of you, helped you grieve— in his own way. If it weren't for him you probably would still be the same scared girl you were 5 years ago. Now? Well, now you were as mean and as tough as Mrs. Sadie Adler. And it was all thanks to Arthur.

You still remember the day he taught you to ride a horse. He knew you were terrified, you could barely even touch the poor animal without jumping 5 feet away right after. It was Arthur that assured you the animal meant no harm to you, that you could ride it for miles and it wouldn't buck you. He was right when he said you'd fall in love with it once you no longer feared it.

Teaching you how to shoot was probably the hardest thing he's ever had to do. He thought no one could have such a shitty aim. The bullet wouldn't even fly close to the bottle. Poor soul couldn't hold the goddamn gun properly. That day was the first time you were in his arms as he guided you through it, it was the first time you felt safe in someone's arms, especially after what you went through. And it was in his arms.

But what sealed it for you was that of your first kill, the very first time someone died by your hand, at the barrel of your gun. When people say the first kill is always the hardest, they're not exaggerating. The nightmares lasted for days, every night you saw the face of that man, the sheer terror in his eyes at the sight of your gun pointed at his face and his lifeless eyes staring back at you. It haunted you. And Arthur was there for you, to hold you in his arms until your breathing went back to normal and your body stopped shaking, every single time. "He was a bad man, he deserved it. You didn't do nothin' wrong" he'd say. And you believed him.

Eventually it got easier, the nightmares were less, it didn't wake you in a sweat anymore. But when it did, Arthur was always there to calm you down, to make you feel safe, loved.

He might've been a bad man, but he was a bad man that made you feel safe and loved, and you'd do anything for him.

But some days, just some days, fuck did you wish you weren't his wife. You wished that maybe you hadn't done the dumb thing John Marston and Abigail did, get married. I mean who in their right state of mind marries an outlaw? A wanted man. But then again you weren't exactly sane and neither was he. Unfortunately your insanity meant that all tasks the other girls would do for him, the laundry, the cleaning, the things you despised doing were now your responsibility. At least when it came to him. Of course you couldn't have another woman do your man's laundry. So as much as you would very much rather be out and about town with Arthur, Miss Grimshaw had given you an earful about not doing your tasks, and that you would not step foot outside of camp until you finished them. And god forbid you don't do as she says, you cared too much about your wellbeing to do that.

God you despised doing laundry. If there was something you hated most out of any task it just had to be laundry. Especially Arthur's. Because that man would get his clothes dirty. Mud, dirt, liquor, sometimes shit and most times blood could be found in his shirts and vests. And you hated having to wash off blood the most, it would take a lot of scrubbing to get that damn blood off. You might as well be shooting something with the amount of effort it took to scrub his clothes clean. And yet here you were.

"Ugh, goddamn you Arthur Morgan. Every single time." You groaned loudly, harshly scrubbing a particularly stubborn bloodstain on his, of fucking course— white dress shirt. You were sitting by the river you were lucky enough to camp by, Karen, Tilly and Mary-Beth sitting around you doing their own tasks, occasionally bringing their attention to your senseless cursing.

"You're such a lovely wife, cursin' at your husband while furiously washin' his clothes." Karen teased, poking fun at what was always such a predicament. You lifted your gaze from the damp dress shirt, blowing out a breath to get some wild hairs that escaped your tight fishtail away from your face and you glared at the blonde, scoffing loudly.

"He could wash his own damn clothes, but nah Miss Grimshaw wants me to do it. But you don't see her naggin' and yellin' at Sadie to wash clothes." You scoffed, rolling your eyes and rinsing off the shirt as the group of girls giggled at your complaints.

"Yeah well, Sadie ain't married, you are." Mary-Beth pointed out with a hushed tone, knowing that it was a sore subject for Sadie, you looked at her knowing she was right, damn well knowing you were lucky to have the man you loved with you, tasks and all and you sighed heavily, carefully looking over the white fabric and you smiled triumphantly when you saw the stain was no longer there.

"Right, we're married now so I'm stuck here washin' his clothes while he goes into town. Marriage can be one hell of a thing." You laughed, joking about how you hated domesticity and shook your head, standing up to place the soaked fabric over the line of rope tied to some trees where you usually left your clothes to dry.

What you didn't notice was a certain presence behind you, one that you usually avoided at all times, especially when Arthur wasn't around, but this time you didn't have enough time to walk away.

"My, my, is this little Miss Jones I see washin' clothes? This must be my lucky day then, mind doin' mine as well?" You heard a mocking laugh behind you and a voice you unfortunately knew too well, one that you despised to say the least. You had to suppress a groan of disgust and the urge to grab your gun from the holster that was always on your hips.

"For the last goddamn time, it's Mrs. Morgan now. I'm busy washin' my husband's clothes, so please just get lost Mr. Bell. Go annoy somebody else." You muttered, not bothering to turn around to face the man as you simply continued to arrange the clothes you wanted to dry. You heard a scoff behind you, but not footsteps.

"Oh husband huh? I still don't understand what you saw in him. Why marry a dumbass like Morgan when there's better men out there." He even sounded proud when saying those words. You couldn't help but burst out laughing and you actually turned around to face Micah, but only to laugh in his face.

"Better men? Better than Arthur? Mr. Bell please, find yourself something useful to do instead of talkin' nonsense, will ya? Get lost." You repeated, waving him off before turning around again, hoping that was the end of that. Oh boy it wasn't.

"I just can't comprehend how such a pretty lil' thing like yourself could open her legs to an idiot like Morgan and—" Your head snapped faster than it ever had as those words left his mouth, you've never felt your blood boil this much. You didn't even have to think about it, your fist flew by itself and you punched him so hard you knocked him off his stance. And when he regained his composure there was already a red angry mark, one that would quickly turn into a purple bruise.

"Watch your fuckin' mouth." You were fuming, boiling with rage even, you didn't even care that you caught the attention of the whole camp by then, hell you were so angry you didn't even see Arthur get off his horse and start to near the scene.

"No, you watch yourself before I—"

"Before you what, Micah?" Arthur's voice was loud and low like a growl, but it boomed through the trees as in a matter of seconds he hurried himself over to the scene with heavy steps, "you got exactly five seconds to get the hell away from my wife before I get over there and break your damn neck myself."

You were quickly met with Arthur's hard chest and broad shoulders, one of his hands instantly coming to grab your arm, as if to hold you back in case you wanted to jump at Micah yourself. You kept your stance though, back straight, head high and fuming.

With the sight of both you and Arthur ready to shoot the scowl off his face, Micah slightly backed up and scoffed, glaring at Arthur.

"This is none of your business, cowpoke. This is between your lil' wife and I.'' Micah seethed, spitting right by Arthur's feet before his eyes landed on you again, "watch yourself Miss Jones, Morgan ain't always gonna be here to watch that lil' ass of yours and you can't sleep your way through every problem."

Now you had to hold Arthur back. When you looked back at the blonde. You were sure he was actually about to rip Micah's spine out with his bare hands. Before Arthur could step around you, you got right in his way and placed both palms flat on his chest, slightly pushing him back, trying to plant yourself between him and Micah. Arthur was absolutely fuming and he was on fire, staring at Micah like he wanted to unload his pistol on his face, snap his neck and break his spine all at once.

"Arthur." You said loud and sternly, your eyes big as his blue ones looked down at you, the storm in them seizing for a second. When you felt his body no longer push against yours, you slightly turned to look at Micah, but never moved your hand from Arthur's chest in fear he'd charge at Micah. "C'mon." You muttered to your husband, crunching his shirt into your hand to drag him away so he could calm down. But Micah just wasn't backing down quite yet.

"Yeah, listen to your missus, Arthur. She's already more of a man that you are, with those clothes and her lil' guns, she might as well tell you what to do." Micah laughed mockingly slowly backing away as if provoking a bull he knew would charge at him sooner or later.

"Shut your goddamn mouth before I unload a round in it." Arthur snarled, his face bright red and jaw tight, having to hold himself back since you were practically clinging to him. "I won't tell ya again, Micah, get the hell away from my wife. I don't wanna see you breathe the same air as her or I swear to god I'll do more than just give you a black eye."

"I'm right here, old man, I dare you to try." Micah mocked, doing a little motion with his hands and a shit eating smirk wide on his face. You had to plant your feet dead on the grass and your hand flat against Arthur's chest to stop him from charging at Micah.

"That's enough goddamnit!" You snapped loudly, your head whipping around to glare at both men, "Micah, just fuck off. Leave us be before I forget I'm supposed to be a lady." You warned him, one of your hands instinctively falling to the revolver sitting in your holster. You weren't actually going to use it, you would love to, but it was against your code to kill one of your own, no matter how much you hated him.

Still, this was enough to make Micah finally back down, not willing to put up with two angry outlaws with a short temperament and hella good aim. Not today. He muttered a "calm down" and waved his hands around in a form of surrender before he was digging through the dirt with his angry footsteps and leaving a string of curses in his wake.

Once Micah was far enough, your whole demeanor changed, your body loosened and your shoulders relaxed, allowing yourself to be comfortable in your husband's arms. It would take him a lot more than just that to calm down though. Seeing as his chest was still rising and falling, his nostrils flaring and jaw was tight, you knew he was fuming still. You sighed heavily, placing a chaste kiss on his chapped lips before dragging him away by his vest.

"C'mon you." You muttered, not stopping until you were far away from the sight and earshot of the camp, a spot down the river where you usually went to be alone, with Arthur or otherwise. "Arthur."

"Hmph. You shoulda let me snap his goddamn neck." He huffed angrily, his words coming out with a growl. You sighed heavily, placing both hands on his face.

"Arthur no. Trust me I wanna kill Micah Bell as much as you do. That bastard is insufferable, I know that. But it's not worth it, alright?" You pressed a kiss to his cheek, not really caring if you could smell the scent of cheap cigarettes or liquor still on his skin. You felt him slightly loosen, slowly releasing the tension that built up in his broad shoulders.

"I guess that was a pretty good punch. You got him good, sweetheart." He chuckled quietly, smiling proudly at the idea that his girl, no— his wife punched another man like it didn't even phase her. And that he taught her that.

"Yeah? I mean I would much rather cut off his balls with my knife, but I guess a good punch and a good bruise is as good as any." You giggled, Arthur catching one of your hands with his lips, coincidentally the same one you had used to punch Micah.

"Hehe, that's my girl." He was now full on smirking proudly, head high and chest puffed with pride. You couldn't help but giggle as he placed feathery kisses over your red soon-to-be purple knuckles.

"I'm your wife, honey. Your wife." You reminded him, your words coming out with a happy hum, your stomach turning every time you said you were his wife. Arthur hummed in agreement, catching your lips into a soft kiss.

"My wife." He repeated with a wholehearted laugh and a heart warming smile, one of those that were very rare to witness from him. He was a tough, sour and emotionless man, there was no doubt in that, but when he was with you he just seemed to forget about all of that and he tried to be happy, to make you happy. "God I love saying that. I'll never get tired of hearin' it."

You giggled, your eyes bright as you looked up at his beautiful blue eyes, seeing them light up in the same way yours did and you caught his lips into another kiss, this time slightly deeper and more passionate.

"I'll say it all you want then."

#red dead redemption arthur #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption #rdr2 #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan #arthur morgan fanfiction #x reader

348 notes · View notes

luvsicksubs · 4 years

Text

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

heat - kyotani kentarou

warnings: pegging, reader is so goddamn mean, making fun of maddog for being maddog, brat!kyo </3, fem!reader

this is based off that one post

a/n: hello! this scene is pretty intense at some parts and can read as dubcon (brat-taming has a tendency for that but it’s all consensual between these two) so im gonna put the warning

also, when practicing bdsm - please practice being safe, sane and consensual . make sure you have a system for you and your partner to communicate your headspace during the scene. don’t be afraid to safeword, dom or sub and practice good communication.

this fic has reader use the greenlight system, a common safeword system in bdsm. green for go, yellow for slow down, and red for hard stop.

i’ve included a little scene of aftercare for context of the reader and kyo’s relationship and for everyone to have a peace of mind. take care of your sub boys and take care of your doms <3

“C’mon, Kyo - why don’t you fuckin give it up already?,”

You slam your hips forward, forcing Kyoutani forward on his elbows and knees. His hole clenches so tightly it’s hard to move, yet your pace remains relentless. You checked in just before, that he wants this despite himself but you can’t deny how fun this is to tease him.

“Fuck off,” he barks through gritted teeth. You laugh, tone incredibly arrogant as you rest your forehead on his shoulder. You angle your hips, wrapping one around his cock and toying with the ring as you set a pace before simple wrapping your first around it. He groans, his voice coming out in sporadic grunts and broken moans.

You’e waiting on it - the moment Kyotani simply breaks out of his facade and admits to himself how much he likes all this. All signs point to yes, but your Kyo is nothing if not a fighter. He grits his teeth so hard he feel like he might break his jaw, thinking for a second you’re showing him mercy. Instead, your using your hands to spread his ass apart before giving deep and long strokes. The angle upward presses right against his prostate and oh fuck - his elbows give out from pleasure. His face is buried in your sheets, hands clutching at something.

“Color?,”

“Green,”

He’s so weak right now, you manage to keep both of his arms behind him as you continue your maddening pace. The pressure in his stomach is only building and he needs to cum so bad. He won’t like this.

“Your ass is so fucking tight baby,” you say giving it a harsh hit. The stinging makes him bite his lip as desire floods him

“Your cock is practically fucking drooling all over my hands,” you make note of as you jerk him off at an equally slow pace. He swears in strings under his breath, unable to keep his composure. ‘

“How fucking filthy are you, Kyo? You’re rock hard cause you’ve got your girlfriend fucking you like some cheap broad - and you’re loving every second of it,”

“Fuck you,”

“Dunno, Mad-Dog - the way you’re sucking me up right now tells me you’re liking this a hell of a lot more,”

“Shit, no way - I’m not liking this,”

“Tell me to stop then why don’t you? If you hate it so much, you know I’d never make you. You asked me, remember? Asked me to fuck this tight little thing and make you cum untouched like the bitch in heat that you are,”

“Shut up, fuck,” pleasure courses through him at hearing your gruff words. You always treat him so sweetly but it’s making him dizzy to hear you like this. So fucking mocking, and disrespectful as you pound him so hard and so good the back of his thighs are stinging.

His cock is so angry and aching. Everything in him is burning dizzy with the feeling of your cock stretching him out and filling his stomach. It feels like you’re in his spine with the way your angled. He needs to cum. He needs to cum so hard against your hand and make a mess and then he needs to do it a hundred times over to get some relief.

“Come on love. It’s just me and you here. I’m the only one whose gonna fill you up like this so don’t go worrying about it - your boys aint gonna hear it from me,” you say cheekily.

Kyotani is trying so hard to hold it in. Some kind of involuntary reaction washes over him painfully and he can feel nothing coming out but that familiar feeling. Holy shit - he thought that only happened in porn.

“Can’t help but be curious about your boys might think if they knew their mad-dog was some bitch. See you get so riled up and whiny over dick like you’re a dumb slut just might make ‘em laugh,”

His dick twitches mindlessly again, how fucking embarrassing. You whistle under your breath and Kyotani feels his soul leave his body.

You pick your pace again, making his stomach lay flat on the bed as you press on the lower parts of his spine and fuck some sense into him for the last time. Sweat is beading down his forehead in concentration You lean down, licking the shell of his ear before whining.

“Gonna milk that pretty cock of yours dry tonight no matter what it takes Kyo,” you say, pressing even harder on his back. He cries out, unable to escape the feeling.

“Admit to me you like it and I’ll reward you by touching you - if not, I’ll make sure and find some other ways. Mmkay?,”

“Fuck, fuck - yes, it feels so good. Feels so fucking good when you fuck me with your cock now please, please touch me. Please make me cum before I lose my mind,” he babbles, his voice thoroughly wrecked. Your core burns with desire as you laugh.

“Got it, baby. Flip over me,”

And he does, laying on his back, you make him hold his legs up and fuck the daylight out of him, spitting in your hands and sliding it over his dick with ease. Now everything happens quickly, so quickly Kyotani barely has sight of you. When you lean over him, he wraps his arms around your neck and moans brokenly through his orgasm. Drool is dry on the corner of his lips and his face is entirely crimson. So fucked out he can barely meet your eyes.

“God, nggh, shit - it’s,”

He shoots hot white so far that hits your chest and drips on his. He almost yells, vision going bleary for a few seconds too long as you guide him through his orgasm.

He returns to his senses in a few troubling moments. As soon as he feels you pull out, he shudders at the emptiness and drags your frame over him. He’s clingy after sex always, but especially at times like this.

“You okay?,”

“Hn,”

[aftercare]

Kyotanis heartbeat is slow. After he came, you showered together and chatted softly about nothing. He washed your hair and clung close the whole time, clearly exhausted. Thoroughly tuckered out, he now is laying in your side. Face buried in your neck. It’s this part that’s still hard for Kyotani, that you love him so much to still stay after all the sex. It feels so goo to be here like this, he almost wants to run away. It’s terrifying to wear his hear on his sleeve.

But you make it so easy. You make it all better, and he does the same for you by trusting you. To love, and be loved.

“How was it, baby? Did I do okay?,”

He sighs, nodding.

“You always do fuckin’ great,” he says with no malice. Strong arms are secured around your middle, a sign you aren’t going anywhere tonight and you laugh.

“Nothing was too much, right? The boys comment i was worried about,”

He moves to look up at you, shaking his head. He grins wickedly, pinching your sides.

“I know you’d never really do that, too soft - but it was hot when you threatened me,”

You giggle at that, and his smile becomes genuine as it settles into your sides. You run your hands along the prickly hairs on his head, humming.

“You did really good too baby. I’m so proud of you,”

He doesn’t respond to that, just huffs and tightens his grip. He knows you mean it, so no words are exchanged for a while.

“Did you cum?,”

You’re surprised by the sudden question and prying eyes. It’s small but it’s how you know he cares.

“Not yet. I was gonna take care of it later since you seemed -”

He immediately scoots himself between your thighs, resting his cheek on your bare thigh and looking at you with another wild smile.

“Can I have my reward then?,”

You smile at him. Still your good boy then, asking for permission. He seems exhausted but he still wants to take care of you and you’re inclined to let him. You nod, yawning a little as you pull your panties to the side.

“Eat up, baby,” you add slickly. He mumbles a heavy thanks before doing just as you ask.

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

#kyotani x you #kyotani x y/n #kyotani x reader #kyotani kentaro x reader #kyotani kentaro x y/n #kyotani kentaro x you #kyotani imagine #kyotani imagines #kyotani kentaro imagines #kyotani kentaro imagine #sub!kyotani #k; pegging #k; degradation #aftercare inclusive #I LOVE THIS FIC #rlly i just love kyo but whatever dude #here u guy everyone in my askbox sjdkhj

720 notes · View notes

brelione · 3 years

Text

And It Felt Great To Be A Liar (700 Celebration)

Ok so I based this off of this prompt:Hi there! I hope you’re doing well. I just have a request for JJ maybank. Would you be able to write one where y/n is apart of the kooks and is dating Rafe and Jj and her hate eachother. One day everyone is at a party and JJ and y/n are fighting with eachother as usual in a bedroom and he pins her against the wall and all of a sudden they start kissing eachother and they end up having really rough sex against the wall or a desk in the room with lots of dirty talk, choking and JJ making y/n admit he fucks her better than her boyfriend and gets her to beg for him If you have any time to write it I would be very appreciative, thank you so much x

and it really fit with the poll results for the celebration so enjoy this master piece <3

Warnings:Choking, Spanking, Bondage, Sub and Dom behavior, cheating, no condom, degrading, swearing.

Rafe’s arms were around your waist, his hot breath fanning against your neck as he nipped at the skin. “We should stay here tonight.”He suggested, his hands moving to the hem of your shirt, his hands slipping under the thin material and onto your skin.

“We cant, we already told Kelce and Top that we’d show.”You reminded him, peeling his hands away from you. He pouted, grabbing his keys. “Fine, we’ll play later.”He winked, opening his door and going down the stairs, shouting a goodbye to Wheezie and flipping off his dad.

You cringed at his words, not looking forward to coming back after the party. You were getting bored of Rafe, there was really only so much of his drama that you could take. You were hoping he’d get bored of you soon too or maybe even move on to someone else and forget about you.

But you stayed anyways, hoping he’d become less boring or maybe you’d stay around long enough to truly mean something to him. You followed him, sitting in the passengers seat of his truck. It reeked of alcohol and weed, his hand gipping your thigh. You rolled your eyes, looking out the window as he drove.

“What are you thinking about, pretty girl?”He asked. You hummed, not replying. You grabbed his hand, resting your elbow on the arm rest. There wasnt much to look forward to these days. Nothing new, nothing fun, nothing interesting. The kook life got so boring so quick.

Your only options on most days were to go golfing, shopping or a party if you were lucky. Everything was blurred together, feeling the exact same.He lifted his hand, pulling yours with it before pressing a kiss to your hand. It was a romantic gesture that you werent used to.

He was like this at the beginning of the relationship, the romance slowly fading away as he became more obsessed with you instead of loving you. He was trying his best to convince you that he still loved you but you knew that you were just holding on to broken pieces at this point, wishing you had something different.

You could hear the crashing of the waves, lifting your head and widening your eyes for a moment. The party was at Kelce’s beach house that wasnt really a house, it was really just a second mansion. You grinned at Rafe, sliding your phone in your pocket before hopping out of the truck, biting your tongue when he squeezed your ass.

“Im gonna go look for Sar, okay?”You asked. He nodded, pulling you in for a quick kiss, watching as you jogged up the stairs. You could feel him watching you, slipping into a hallway and hoping for the best. You were sure that Sarah wasnt even at this party, it wasnt really her type of place.

Sure, she was a party girl but even this was too much. You figured you should just lay low until Rafe was busy catching up with Kelce and Topper that he wouldnt notice if you went ot get yourself a drink. You werent in the mood for him to drag you over to his friend group and start bragging.

You tested each door knob, searching for a bedroom or a bathroom for you to sit in for a while, grinning once one of them finally turned. As soon as you were in the room you closed it behind you, locking it because you didnt feel like having your alone time interrupted by some drunk couple.

As soon as you turned around you regretted it, seeing noone other than JJ Maybank shirtless in the middle of the room. He was staring back at you, stuck in place. You and JJ had problems that dated back to eighth grade. He had gotten into a huge fight with a kook and you were the only witness, watching as the boy hit JJ repeatedly in the ribs.

JJ had eventually won the fight, blood running from his nose and staining his shirt, a layer of sweat covering his face as he stared at you. Since then he had nothing but anger and hate for you, giving you dirty looks in public and talking shit about you at parties. Of course you always found out about it.

How he called you a whore, a gold digger and a bitch. “Get out.”Was all he had to say, tossing his shirt onto the floor in the corner. It made a slight sloshing sound and you could only assume that he had bumped into someone and got something spilled on him. Or maybe he had been a bitch and got something thrown at him.

“No.”You replied, staring back at him with a glare. He matched your energy, jaw clenching as he looked you up and down. “What are you hiding from, (Y/N)? You maniac of a boyfriend?”He asked, causing your blood to boil. Of course he was right but you’d never admit it. And of course Rafe was an absolute maniac but so was JJ and all of his friends.

“He’s not a maniac, JJ.”You replied, knowing that it didnt sound right. You had never been great at lying. “Aww, thats cute that you try to stick up for your crazy boyfriend? If hes not a fucking maniac then explain what he did to Pope and I. You think a sane person would do that?”He asked.

You stared back at him, biting the inside of your cheek as you tried to think of something to say. He shook his head, chuckling. “See, you cant even defend him anymore. God, I hope he fucking dumps your ass!”he exclaimed, letting out a sigh. You gulped, staring at him.

“Shut up!”You shouted in response, only making him smirk. “Face it, (Y/N)!The boy you call your boyfriend is a shitty, disgusting person. You’re so much worse for being with him!”He shouted back at you. “Excuse me?”You asked, somehow surprised that he would say it to your face.

“Come on, (Y/N). You’re not that fucking stupid. He’s using you and you know it. But you like being used, dont you?”He asked, causing you to go silent. For once you didnt know what to do or what to say. He was getting closer to you, gripping your wrists and pushing you against the door in a swift movement, your back hitting the wood hard.

His eyes stayed on you, raising an eyebrow. “Answer the question, princess.”He demanded. You stared back at him, feeling his grip tighten. “Sometimes.”You replied, not wanting to give him the satisfaction he craved.

“Dont lie to yourself, sweetheart. You’re a little maniac that likes to be used.”He spoke into your ear, leaning down and kissing you roughly.You were struggling to keep up, so much happening so fast. His hands were under your shirt, sloppy kisses being dragged up and down your neck.

“Do you want me?”He asked you, fingernails digging into your skin. You nodded eagerly, feeling a sense of relief when he pulled you over and onto the bed, glad that you werent trapped against the wood surface. He didnt let you lay down, pushing you onto your knees as you stared up at him.

He guided one of your hands to his belt, making you press against him before letting go, biting his lip as you palmed him through his pants, carefully undoing his belt with slightly shaky hands.

He let you take your time, grinning at how nervous he made you, watching you struggle with his zipper. He chuckled, pushing you back and undoing his pants, getting on top of you, parting your legs. “Does Rafe make you this nervous?”He asked, seeming pleased with himself.

You shook your head, not sure you could answer properly. He grinned, kissing you again. He lifted your shirt over your head quickly, tossing it. “Im flattered that I have such an effect on you.”He muttered, tugging your shorts off, his hand wrapping around your neck not soon after.

His blue eyes were staring into you, squeezing harder for a moment. He was testing how much you could take, his thumb pressing into a spot right below your jaw. His hand dragged from your neck to the end of your hair, tugging harshly and causing you to let out a low shout.

He chuckled, letting go and unclasping your bra. “There’s so many things I could do to you…. We’ve got four hours until Rafe remembers you…..”He muttered, tugging down your underwear and keeping your thighs open with his hands, settling between them.

“Can you last four hours?”He asked. You nodded, moaning when his tongue slid through your folds. He chuckled, his fingernails leaving little crescent moons into your skin as he lapped at your entrance. You already already shaking from his tongue alone, your hands going to his hair and whimpering when he pulled away.

“No, no, princess. You dont get to touch me.”He told you, grabbing his belt off the floor. “Give me your wrists.”He told you, grinning when you put them out for him. He had so much power over you, holding your wrists to the headboard and securing them with the belt. He settled back between your thighs, his tongue darting in and out of you, pressing his thumb against your clit.

He could feel you were about to get close, pulling away before you could reach your high. You whined, moving against the belt. “What? You dont like that, princess?”He asked, moving up again so that his nose was against yours. “JJ, please.”You whispered, thinking that maybe he would change even just for a moment when he kissed you.

“Not. A. Chance.”He replied. “This isnt fair!”You exclaimed, moaning again when he licked your nipple. “Not fair?”He asked, beginning to suck. He moved his hand up to pinch your other nipple, rolling his thumb over it. “I think its pretty fair, (Y/N).”He replied, turning you over so that your stomach was against the mattress and you had to turn your head to breathe properly. His palm collided with your ass, sending a shock through your body.

“You okay?”He asked, moving your hair aside and pressinga kiss to you cheek. He was only calm for a moment before he smacked you again, making you take a shaky breath. “Anthony hit me twelve times….you get fifteen. Count.”He told you, rubbing your ass before lifting up his hand again, the hit making a loud noise.

“One.”You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut as he hit you again. You’d never let Rafe do this to you. You didnt like most things Rafe did especially in the bedroom. He just couldnt do what you wanted and if he did he just couldnt do it well. You didnt know when you got to ten, tears streaming down your cheeks. “JJ…. I dont think I can take more.”You sobbed.

He took in a deep breath, leaning down. “Hmm…. you’re doing so good, princess. Only five more left, promise I wont be too rough.”He whispered, his fingertips grazing over your thighs, waiting for an answer. You nodded, biting your lip as you waited, his palm hitting you again but not nearly as hard as the others. He spanked you again, rubbing the area after carefully.

You werent too worried anymore, whispering after he hit you the last time. He gave you a moment to recover, his fingers rubbing your thigh and sides, kissing your shoulder. He turned you over a few moments later, staring down at you. He pressed a kiss to your lips, the act much more gentle than before.

He pulled away after a second, his hand back at your throat as he pushed into you. You gasped, your head falling against the pillows as he bottomed out. He chuckled, tugging at your hair and forcing your head back some more, leaning down and nipping at your shoulder, only letting go when you whimpered.

It wasnt hard enough for you to bleed but his teeth left imprints in your skin, a satisfied smile on his face before he sped up. “Does Rafe fuck you like this?”He asked, hitting a spot so deep inside of you that you hadnt even known that it existed. You moaned loudly, feeling him tug your hair again.

“JJ!”You shouted from the pain against your scalp. “Answer the question.”He told you. You licked your lips, an idea sparking in your mind. “Rafe’s better.”You lied. He looked down at you, fingers pressing hard against your neck. “You want me to stop? You wanna go back to Rafe?”He asked, thrusting in and out of you. You shook your head quickly, wrapping your legs around his torso.

“Thats what I though, you fucking liar.”He muttered, slowing when he heard a knock at the door. “Anyone in there?”A voice shouted. It was Rafe’s. “Make a sound and im done with you.”He told you, picking up the pace.

“Rafe, man. Im busy!”He shouted. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and trying your best not to make any noises. You heard a loud groan before heavy footsteps thumped down the hall. JJ chuckled, noticing your relief. “Aww, the poor slut doesnt wanna go back to her boyfriend.”He grinned, biting your neck again.

You knew Rafe would see the marks but you didnt really care, eyes widening as you clenched around JJ. He let go of you, pulling out and cumming on your bare stomach. He panted, kissing you gently before freeing your wrists, kissing the skin gently. For someone who hated you he was being surprisingly sweet, especially after what just happened.

It didnt last long before he got up and put his clothes back on, your suspicions confirmed when you noticed a large stain across his shirt. “See you around, kook.”He winked at you before leaving the room. You laid down on the bed, pain running through your body. You felt guilty for feeling so good, your wrists stinging slightly and your heart dropping when you realised Rafe would see.

@outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @deionswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @nas-marie-loves-u @28cnn @sexytholland @yuxsh06 @ifilwtmfc @cherryobx @poguestarkey @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @jj-fic-recs @homophobicclownmoviestan @jj-iz-bae @natalie-kate-98 @negativity4you @nxsmss @ofmaybankheart @broken-jj @joshy-obx @curroptbunnie @outerbnx-stiles @angelreyesgirl100 @hannahhh-marie @sadnessrehab @purple-vodka-99 @annmariek8 @harryswigss @imagines-07 @pink-meringues @lostaurorax @batcat46

add yourself to my taglist

#JJ Imagine #JJ smut #jj headcanon #jj x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #jj maybank smut #jj maybank headcanon #jj maybank

298 notes · View notes

freddiesaysalright · 4 years

Text

The Most Dramatic Season Ever - Week 7 - Fantasy Suites

Summary: It’s your time now! You are ABC’s new Bachelorette and this is your journey! All these men (including our fav BoRhap boys and then some) are competing for your heart! Will you find love? Will you get engaged at the end? Or will you end up heartbroken? Find out, on the most dramatic season ever!

Word Count: 7k (i’m finally chilling tf out)

Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @the-moving-finger-writes, @assembledherethevolunteers, @rose-writes-prose, @queenlover05, @moon-stars-soul, @danadeacon, @deacyblues, @thesundrop, @cupidben, @lostlittlenerd, @delilahmay39, @timmvrphy, @queenmylovely, @loveandbeloved29, @free-pool-trash, @fairestkillerqueenofall, @local-troubled-writer, @babyalienfairy, @littlecarowrites, @allthethingsicant, @im-an-adult-ish, @mirkwoodshewolf, @squishy-gay-astronaut, @sherlollydramoine, @butlegendsneverdie, @dogmom2014, @rocketrhap917, @26-7-49, @lelifesaver, @frozenhuntress67, @drowsebaby If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long and that it’s a little shorter. Writing has been hard as I’ve been really depressed this week. We moved my grandfather to a hospice house and dancing (the only thing that keeps me sane) has been cancelled. Anyway, I hope y’all are all staying healthy and safe :)

Warning(s): OKAY I thought about doing some smut in this chapter, but then decided against it. I don’t think it fits the format, since so far it’s been like watching the show. That being said, I got as steamy as I felt was cool. So, it’s steamy but it’s not like completely NSFW. I hope y’all enjoy :)

Night 1 Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Week 6

Week 7 here we go!!!

The flight to New Zealand was long and tiring. It took almost an entire twenty four hours of travel. You tried to get some rest, but it was tough, since your heart was still breaking for Rami. It did not ease your pain to remind yourself that it was the right choice. It was the toughest breakup so far. And you were anxious because it only got harder. Especially because you were in love with the three remaining men.

This of course, made your decision even more difficult. You needed these overnight dates to determine who was further along and who was ready for a proposal. But the overnight aspect did have you a bit nervous.

Sex didn’t frighten you. But it usually deepened your feelings, so you needed to know how they felt before going to bed with them. And whether or not they were truly ready to commit themselves to you.

After a day to recover, you had your first date. It was with Joe, which of course, excited you. Joe’s hometown had been wonderful, but you needed to know if he loved you. If he was in this as deep as you were.

Joe: I think I’m more nervous this week than I’ve ever been before. Knowing that Y/N and I could have the night together and take our relationship to the next level is really important to me. I also know that I’m in love with her and I need to tell her. My biggest frustration is that I know she can’t say it back. But I need some sort of validation because I’m starting to lose my mind a little bit. I didn’t think this whole journey was gonna be this hard…

You were meeting Joe in Hobbiton, where Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit movies were filmed. You were stoked when you got to the bar in Ireland based on The Shire, but now you were getting as close to the real thing as possible. It was an odd combination of nerves and thrill for you. You hoped you got to where you needed to be with Joe because you weren’t ready to say goodbye.

You beamed at him as he approached, your heart easing at his familiar form. He started to jog over when he saw you. When he reached you, he scooped you up in his arms as you laughed together. He set you down so he could kiss you.

“Hey,” he said quietly when your lips parted.

“Hey,” you returned sweetly. “Are you ready for today?”

“I’m stoked,” he assured you.

“Well, we’re touring Hobbiton,” you said with a smile. “So I think it’s gonna be great!”

You took his hand and led him up the path to Bag End. There, you met a guide, who began to walk you through the entire set. It was so cool to see everything in person and to witness the work that went into making such a huge, legendary film. The sun was shining and you felt it made the grass around you almost glow green. It was the loveliest day. After the tour, you sat together at The Green Dragon Inn, each with a drink. You toasted to your journey and took a sip.

“So, how are you feeling after last week?” Joe asked. “I know this is getting harder for you as the feelings get deeper.”

That was what you loved about Joe. He understood you, and never made you feel bad that this was the situation you were in.

“I’m okay,” you told him. “Obviously, last week was difficult, saying goodbye to Rami, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I’m optimistic about what this week will bring. Hopefully, it’s clarity.”

“I hope that for you as well,” he said. “I’m glad to hear you’re staying positive. Getting too caught up in the heartbreak...it’ll just bring you down. And I really want you to be happy.”

“That’s what I want too,” you said. “That’s the reason I’m here, y’know?”

“It’s the reason we’re all here,” he replied.

You each sipped your drinks some more and chatted about the experience. The day slipped by all too quickly. Before you knew it, it was time to part ways and get ready for the evening portion of the date. You carefully selected your dress. It was going to be a big night after all.

You met at the hotel where you were staying, and had a patio table all to yourselves. The lighting was low, just candles and soft, yellow bulbs. Drinks and dinner were set out and waiting for you. Joe pulled your chair out and let you sit, before taking the chair next to you.

“So,” you said. “Here’s to a wonderful day, and an even more wonderful evening.”

“Cheers, baby,” he replied.

You clinked glasses. When you set them down, you looked at him.

“So, I know this is a weird date,” you said. “There’s no rose to hand out, but there is something at the end, and I -”

“Y/N, I’m gonna stop you right there,” he said. “I know that it’s the fantasy suite, and I just want to tell you there’s no pressure. I’m really happy with where we are.”

You smiled. “I am too.”

He took a deep breath. “Honestly, there was only one thing I regretted about last week in New York.”

“Oh?” you wondered, brow furrowing. “What’s that?”

“I should have been honest with you,” he said. “The truth is, Y/N, I’m in love with you. Spending this day together only solidified that for me. I love you. With my whole heart.”

A smile spread slowly across your face as he spoke.

“Joe, I…” you trailed off, stopping yourself before saying what was on your heart. But only because you couldn’t say it. If you were not the Bachelorette, you would have told him that you loved him too.

“Thank you for telling me,” you said. “It means so much.”

“I just want to keep you informed with where my heart is,” he said.

You beamed at him and leaned over to kiss him. Even kissing him felt better with his feelings out in the open. When you parted, you were still smiling.

“So,” you said, reaching over to the table and retrieving an envelope there. “We have this little offer here, and I’d like you to read it.”

You handed him the envelope. He opened it up and read over the words once before reading it aloud with a little grin on his face.

“Y/N and Joe,” he began. “Welcome to New Zealand. I hope you’ve enjoyed the lush world of Hobbiton today. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Chris Harrison.”

“What do you think?” you asked with a smirk.

“I’d love to spend the night with you,” he said, but you detected some hesitation there.

“But?”

“No buts,” he replied with a small laugh. “I just want you to know that I meant what I said before. There’s no pressure. We don’t have to do anything-”

You cut him off with a deep kiss.

“Joe,” you said. “I’m attracted to you. You make me feel so loved and desired. So, let’s go up to the fantasy suite and explore that more.”

He smiled. “Whatever you want, Y/N. I love you.”

You grinned wider at him. Then, taking his hand, you led him away and up to the main part of the hotel. Your suite was on the top floor so you took the elevator. For the whole ride, your heart was pounding. Your skin felt hotter each time he squeezed your hand. You were tempted to begin things right at that moment, but you had to wait until you were off camera.

After two agonizing minutes, the elevator dinged and opened its doors. You and Joe were both clearly holding back from running to the room. When you made it to the suite, he opened the door, and you saw the whole romantic set up. There were candles everywhere. A bottle of champagne sat on ice in the kitchen, with two glasses on the counter. Rose petals made a path from the front door to the bedroom door.

“This is beautiful,” you said, looking around.

“It really is,” he agreed. “But honestly, I wanna kiss you so bad, I can’t focus on it.”

“Well then,” you said. “Come here and kiss me.”

He made it to you in two strides, his lips claiming yours in the most heated kiss of your life. Your stomach lurched with fresh desire as he nipped at your bottom lip. You moaned into his mouth. He lifted you off your feet when you coiled your arms around his neck. Then he carried you into the bedroom, kicking the door shut. Finally, the cameras and producers were gone and it was just the two of you.

You were still kissing Joe when he set you back on your feet. You had become frantic with need for him. He chuckled into your kisses.

“Y/N,” he said, taking hold of your shoulders. “Y/N, slow down.”

You bit back a whine as he gently pushed you away.

“We’ve got all night,” he said. “We don’t have to rush.”

“The sooner we do it,” you returned. “The sooner we can do it again.”

He threw his head back and laughed. You smiled.

“Okay, we can go as many times as you like, but for our first time together, I really…” he trailed off. “I really wanna make love to you.”

“I’d love that,” you told him with a smile.

Your heart melted at his sentiment, but you had not lost any of the desire. You turned your back to him and moved your hair aside so he could unzip your dress. You heard him step toward you. Then his hands were on the zipper, the top of which was right at the nape of your neck. You gasped at the contact as your body begged for more.

Inch by inch, he lowered the zipper. You shivered when the air hit your back before Joe leaned down and kissed the newly exposed skin. You bit your lip.

He turned off your mic pack, which was at your lower back, and removed it, tossing it away. The straps of your dress fell from your shoulders. You faced him again. The fabric fell away from your body, revealing your bare chest to him. You hadn’t worn a bra. Joe sucked in a sharp breath as his eyes flickered down to your breasts before returning to your face.

“Like what you see?” you teased.

“Love it,” he said, pulling you into his arms again. “I love you.”

You giggled. “You can’t stop saying it.”

“No, nor will I,” he returned firmly.

You smiled again.

The way Joe made love to you was like nothing you had ever experienced before. It was slow, deliberate, and deep. He reached your very soul. He showed you the strength of his love with every kiss, every thrust, and every soft whisper of your name. Love was not just a word to Joe. It was something that required action. And you saw after that night that he was steadfast and strong. There was no doubt that he truly loved you. He showed you four times.

When you woke beside him the next morning, tucked safely in his arms, you smiled and hummed contentedly. You snuggled down closer. It almost made you wince, since your body was sore. It was the sweetest soreness you had ever felt. Joe shifted, eyes fluttering open. His smile was the only one that could match your own.

“Hey,” you whispered.

“Morning, beautiful,” he replied, voice low with the morning.

“How’d you sleep?” you asked.

“Wonderfully,” he said. “You?”

“The best sleep I’ve had in months,” you answered with a giggle.

“Good, then I did my job,” he joked.

You laughed again as he rolled half on top of you. He lowered his lips to yours. It was a soft and delicate kiss, since neither of you wanted to heat things up again without proper time. When he pulled back, he looked into your eyes.

“I think I could do this forever,” he said.

“What?” you asked.

“Wake up to you,” he said.

“Me too,” you returned.

You cupped his cheek in your hand. The urge to tell him your feelings arose again. But you didn’t want to confuse him or hurt him. On the other hand, you felt it so strongly. He deserved some validation, didn’t he?

“Joe, I love you,” you said, so quietly you wondered if you had even said it aloud. But the look on his face told you that you did.

His eyes widened at first. Then, his brow furrowed. He was wondering if he’d heard you right. Then, all that melted away into the biggest grin you’d ever seen on his lips.

“Y/N, I can’t tell you what it means to hear you say that,” he said. “I love you.”

“I love you,” you returned.

It felt so right like this. But then, reality set in. Joe had to return to his hotel. You had two other dates this week. Two other men, who you also adored. As you got up and dressed, you tried not to despair.

You held it together well enough until it was time for Joe to go. He had his backpack slung over his shoulder and he was standing by the door. You slid your arms around him and buried your face in his chest.

“I don’t want you to go,” you said, voice shaking.

He kissed the top of your head. “I wish I didn’t have to, baby.”

You held each other for a long moment as a lump formed in your throat. You sniffled, but tried to hide it, burrowing further into him. He still noticed.

“Hey…” he said gently, pulling away to look at your face. “Hey, don’t cry, honey, I’ll see you soon.”

He wiped a stray tear with his thumb. Then, he pressed his lips to your forehead. Slowly, he detached himself from you. He had to, or you would have held him there all day.

“See you later,” he said. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” you choked out.

He gave your hand one last squeeze before releasing it and walking through the door. You closed it behind him. You leaned back against it and sank down to the floor, pulling your knees into your chest. Your heart was aching, and you just hoped you hadn’t made a mistake by confessing to Joe.

You had to travel later that day, since your next date was hours away, on the coast. Missing Joe terribly, you made your way to Papamoa Beach, where you would have a date with Ben the following day. The thought of seeing Ben raised your spirits.

The morning of your date, you were feeling much better. You had so much to look forward to with Ben. He was fun and cheerful and had the sweetest heart. And this date was going to be really cool.

You met him on the beach, wearing just a pair of shorts over your bathing suit. Ben came out onto the sand, looking straight out of a magazine in his tank top and swim trunks. You waved to him and he jogged over to you, planting an enthusiastic kiss on your lips when he reached you. You beamed at him as you parted.

“So, what have you got in store for today?” he asked.

“Something super fun,” you told him. “Since you’re so active, I know you’ll love it.”

“Now, I’m very curious,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“Come with me,” you said, taking his hand.

Together, you walked down the beach, where a tall, broad man with long dark hair was waiting for you. He was extremely tan, so you figured he spent most of his days out here.

“Hello, Y/N and Ben,” he said with a thick New Zealand accent. “I’m AJ and I’m your surfing instructor for today. Have either of you ever surfed before?”

“I have,” Ben said.

“I have not,” you admitted.

“Alright, that’s perfectly fine,” AJ said. “We teach all ages and skill levels. We’ve got some suits and boards waiting for you in there.”

He pointed to the building of the surf school. You and Ben went in and got changed. When you came back out, Ben looked you up and down before biting his lip. You stifled a giggle.

Ben: I’m having such a wonderful time on this date. Y/N looks amazing in that bodysuit, so I am so grateful tonight’s the fantasy suite because it’s getting harder and harder to keep my hands off her. Obviously, it’s all up to her, I’m thrilled just to hold her, but I am ready for more. To take our relationship further and grow more together.

You were each given a board and then you followed AJ. He gave you some instruction on the sand - and some important safety information - but before you knew it, you were in the water, paddling out to beyond where the waves were starting. AJ went over a few more basics, and helped you find your balance on the board.

Ben tried to ride a wave first, since he had done it before. He looked so good out there. He smiled, tongue poking out between his teeth, and he glided through the water on the crest of the wave. You wondered how many times he had done this because he didn’t seem nervous. He had clearly mastered the art.

You had no such luck. Even keeping in mind everything AJ told you, your timing was off when you tried to stand up, and the wave knocked you clear off the board. The ocean tossed you around a minute as the wave moved past you. Then you kicked up toward the surface. You sucked in air and wiped your eyes as you broke it.

You were already laughing along with Ben and AJ. You knew it looked hilarious. Ben’s smile was infectious as you climbed back on the board and paddled back to where he waited for you.

“It was a great try, love,” he said through his laughter.

“You’re just being nice, it was terrible,” you returned.

“Not to worry,” AJ assured you. “There’s still lots of ocean for you to try.”

You made several more attempts. Ben did as well, nailing it over and over again. You, on the other hand, were missing the mark. It got to the point where you were actually getting frustrated.

“Come on, love,” Ben said at last. “Don’t pout. You can do it.”

“Ugh,” you groaned, to his amusement.

“Try one more time,” he encouraged.

You met his eyes, and at the look on his face, your resentment ebbed away. He wasn’t being condescending or spouting empty words of praise. He really believed in you.

With a determined smirk, you got back on the board. You waited a minute or two before you saw it coming - the perfect wave. Eagerly, you began to paddle forward. You were going to get it this time. You had to.

You rode it until just before it crested. You popped up onto your feet. You didn’t fall! You were riding the wave! Adrenaline surged through you as you surfed - properly surfed! Your legs were wobbly, but you didn’t fall until the wave crashed, and you went down. But this time, you went down having accomplished the goal. When your head broke the surface again, Ben was already beside you, pulling you out of the water and onto his board.

“That was amazing, love!” he cheered.

“I did it!” you cried.

“You did it!” he affirmed.

He sat you down beside him and kissed you. Your mouths were wet and salty from being in the ocean all day, but you didn’t care. You had triumphed because he supported you. His hands found their way to the sides of your face as he deepened the kiss.

“Incredible,” he said.

You chuckled. “You were incredible. I didn’t manage to actually do it until the end.”

“Well, I’m bloody proud of you,” he said.

“Thank you,” you said, beaming.

After the lesson, you returned to shore to have a small picnic. It was just cheese and crackers with some wine. The suits and boards, you returned to AJ. Then you both sat on the blanket, realizing you were starving, and went in on the food.

“So, where’d you learn to surf?” you wondered.

“In California,” he said. “We had a series of matches out there, and in my down time, I picked it up. Then I got my whole team doing it.”

“Well, it was super sexy,” you told him.

“You’re way sexier,” he argued. “Your body in that suit was...incredible.”

You flushed at his words and under his gaze.

You chatted a little longer on the beach. Then it was time to prepare for the evening portion of the date. You were excited to be in a dress and makeup after Ben had watched you wipe out all day. Not that you minded being goofy around him, but tonight was big. You wanted to be beautiful and sexy.

You walked with him to a beach side bar that was reserved for you. The candlelight was soft and warm, and made you feel cozy despite the breeze. Ben pulled your chair out for you. You sat down together.

“Thanks for being so supportive today,” you said. “I was being such a baby.”

“No, you weren’t,” he assured you. “It’s natural to get frustrated at stuff like that.”

“You were still so amazing to me,” you said. “I appreciate you so much.”

“Of course,” he said. “I love you.”

You were convinced you’d never grow tired of hearing those words from his mouth. Once again, you were struck with the desire to say it back. But you refrained. You were already feeling guilty for telling Joe, and you didn’t want to do the same thing with Ben. You smiled.

“I feel like your hometown date went so well,” you said. “This is going in a direction that makes me excited. I feel so sure of you, Ben. I know it made me nervous when you told me that you’ve never been in love before, but I’m not now.”

“No?” he wondered.

You shook your head. “I can feel what you feel for me. And you show me every time we’re together.”

You took his hand and stared into his eyes. You felt the words coming up in your throat. Only, you couldn’t stop them. You felt them too powerfully.

“I love you too, Ben,” you said.

Inwardly, you kicked yourself. How did these guys make your resolve so weak? Not that you minded too much, but you felt like you were messing up. Like it wasn’t decent behavior for the Bachelorette.

Ben’s smile made your regret fade. It didn’t disappear entirely, but you felt better that you’d said it.

“I love you more,” he said.

“Oh, don’t start,” you joked.

You laughed together. When it died down, you squeezed his hand.

“We’ve come a long way,” you said. “This journey hasn’t always been easy, but I want to keep going with you.”

“I do too,” he said.

“So, there’s an envelope on the table,” you said. “Why don’t you open it and read what’s inside?”

He smiled - making your heart jump - and then reached over to pick it up. You waited with bated breath as he cracked open the seal and pulled out the card.

“Y/N and Ben,” he read. “Welcome to beautiful Papamoa Beach. I hope you enjoyed learning something new together. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Chris Harrison.”

“What do you say?” you wondered.

“I say absolutely,” he told you. “How could I not want more time with you?”

You giggled.

Just down the beach from the bar, production had put together a glamorous hut. It sat a good ways from the shoreline for when high tide came in, but you could still see the ocean from the doorway. Inside, there was a gorgeous queen bed. Candles and twinkle lights illuminated the one room structure with a soft, warm glow. Rose petals dotted the white comforter. Champagne was already iced down and waiting for you on the side table.

“Is this glamping?” Ben teased.

“This is definitely glamping,” you replied with a smirk.

“There’s nobody I’d rather glamp with,” he said.

“Same,” you returned.

With that, he closed the door to the cameras. You turned off your mic packs first thing. A beat passed as you looked at each other. Then you collided. It was all frantic tongue and teeth at first, desperate as you were to be close. You felt Ben’s hands at the back of your dress. He tugged the zipper down and it fell away from your body. You shoved his blazer off his shoulders and then quickly got to work on the buttons of his shirt.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathed onto your neck as he kissed you. “You’re so beautiful. I love you so much.”

“I love you, Ben,” you sighed back.

You kissed his chest when you opened his shirt up. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close. It forced you to pause. You stood there together, you just in your thong and he was shirtless. Your chests pressed together made you feel his heartbeat. It matched your own. Hot desire coursed through you. You wanted more, but he held you firmly.

“Just a minute,” he said. “Gotta breathe.”

You rested your head on his chest. You realized that you needed to breathe too. So, you caught your breath together. As you slowly inhaled and exhaled, you felt yourself uniting with Ben. Your hearts beat together. Your lungs worked together. Your bodies could have melted into each other. It was a moment of true tenderness, where your heart met his.

As your breathing evened out, both your hands began to roam. Fingers brushed deftly over sweltering skin. It sent a shiver up your spine to feel the feather lightness of his touch.

“How do you want this?” he asked.

You held his gaze. His pupils were blown wide with lust, but they were still that charming shade of green. You smiled. His eagerness to please you was not something you were used to. No man had ever asked for explicit instructions.

“I want you in every way I can have you,” you told him.

“Maybe I should clarify,” he chuckled. “How do you want me first? Tell me what will make you feel best.”

You blushed. “Really?”

He shrugged and rubbed your back. “What can I say? I’m an athlete, I like to be coached.”

“Well then,” you replied. “You can start by kissing me again.”

“I’ll kiss you forever.”

He claimed your lips once more, passionately. As your desire grew, you found it easier to tell him what you wanted. Ben was an attentive and giving lover. He seemed to thrive on your instructions and requests. It showed you the kind of man he was. He would do anything in the world for you. Your happiness was his happiness. Your pleasure was his pleasure. Your love was his love.

You and Ben only made love twice because he spent so much time exploring each other. He was so intent on making you feel amazing - something he accomplished over and over again. You’d never had so many orgasms in one night. And each one made you see stars. Your love for Ben ripened into deep passion.

The next morning, Ben was awake before you. He rolled over and saw the morning light catch your hair, and he felt a pang of sadness. As much as he was enjoying this, his time with you was almost over. You had another date, and unfortunately could not spend the whole day together. Still, he watched you sleep a moment longer.

When he couldn’t stand it anymore, he placed a soft kiss to your cheek. Even asleep, you smiled. You stirred and stretched slowly. Finally, your eyes opened and you took in Ben’s familiar form.

“Morning,” you yawned.

“Morning, love,” he replied. “Sorry if I woke you.”

“You can always wake me with kisses, hun,” you assured him.

He smiled half heartedly and looked away. You rolled onto your stomach and propped yourself up onto your elbows.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“I’m just…” he sighed. “I’ll be very sorry to leave you today. I hate this.”

You cut your eyes away from him so he wouldn’t see you tearing up.

“I hate this too.”

He gathered you up in his arms, laying you on his chest.

“I know I’ll see you again soon,” he said. “But I also know there are still two other men in this. I just...I don’t know if...I don’t want to make you feel guilty.”

“I’m sorry,” you said. “I can’t promise anything right now. I don’t even know what decisions I’ll make at this point. And it’s so unfair to you because I know what all of y’all need right now is some validation, and I just...I’m not able to do it, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Shh, don’t apologize,” he soothed you, kissing the top of your head. “S’alright. It’s just getting more difficult for me, and I want you to know where my head’s at.”

“I get that,” you said. “I appreciate you being so honest with me, Ben. Really. I wish there was something I could do to make it better, but even though I can’t, I want to know what you’re thinking. And how you’re feeling.”

“I’ll do my best to be open,” he said. “But I want you to do the same for me. As much as you can. The last thing I want is to be blindsided.”

“I understand,” you said. “I will tell you my feelings as soon as I can. I never want to hurt you.”

“Thanks, love,” he said.

You had some breakfast before he had to leave. It was another gut-wrenching goodbye. Things were more serious with Ben than you had anticipated. And now you had told two men that you loved them. It hit you suddenly that you were going to break someone’s heart. And you still had one more date left in the week.

You felt heavy going into your date with Gwilym. Once again, you had to travel a bit to get to where you were meeting him. As excited as you were to see him, you were also terrified. You knew how you felt about Gwilym, and it was strong. You knew he felt similarly, though he hadn’t said outright that he loved you. You needed to clarify everything.

You met Gwilym just outside your destination. He smiled widely at you, and you rushed forward to jump into his arms. He caught you as you wrapped your legs around his waist and kissed him deeply.

“Well,” he chuckled as your lips parted. “I missed you too.”

“I hope you’re ready for today,” you replied.

He set you down, but kept a hold of your hand.

“What are we getting up to?” he asked.

“We are at Polynesian Spa,” you explained. “We are going to get treated today and relax after all these crazy weeks. That sound good?”

“That sounds perfect,” he said.

You went inside together. You and Gwil got the full treatment. You started with facials, before moving on to a massage. Your body was physically relaxed, but your mind was sort of going wild. Luckily, the nature of this day helped you to forget about the stress of your situation. During your massage, you cleared your mind and let yourself live in this moment with Gwilym.

After your massage, you went out to a private pool that overlooked Lake Rotorua. The water was warm and soothing. You felt especially relaxed now after being pampered, and you just wanted to enjoy this time with Gwilym.

“I’m so glad we get to chill,” you said, moving closer and leaning into him. You rested your head on his shoulder.

“I am too,” he replied. “Has your week been difficult?”

“A bit,” you said. “I’m feeling the pressure of things even more now than I was before, and I know that feelings are going to get hurt and I just….this is getting hard.”

“I’m sorry, cariad,” he said gently, kissing your head. “We’re coming to the end. Your feelings are real. Of course it’s hard.”

“How are you feeling?” you wondered.

“I’m feeling really good about us,” he told you. “I feel like last week went well. My family adored you. Which affirmed my feelings a lot.”

“I liked your family a lot too,” you said. “Your mom mentioned how hard you took your fiance’s death and it showed me how much they care about you. I admire that.”

“Yes, I relied quite heavily on my family during that time,” he said. “I even stopped going to read to the children for a while. I was just...not at all myself.”

“It’s almost hard for me to imagine,” you said. “I feel like you’re such a wonderful person and you’re mostly positive.”

“Grief is a great complexity,” he said. “I still don’t understand a lot of what I went through. But I know that every step of my life has led me to you. And for that, I’m most grateful.”

You smiled and straightened up to look at him. Then you coiled your arms around his neck, splashing the water a little bit, and pulled him in for a kiss.

“I’m so grateful I met you too,” you replied when you parted. “I thank God every day for it.”

He kissed you again. You stayed there, making out with him, for what felt like hours. You didn’t feel the sun or the water. Just Gwilym’s mouth on yours. You swore you steamed up the pool with the heat of the kisses. It made you grateful that tonight was the fantasy suite. You were so attracted to him, and you wanted to explore the physical connection some more.

As the sun began to set over the water, it was time to get ready for the evening portion of the date.

Gwilym: I’m excited about tonight. Y/N and I have a wonderful connection. We’ve been strong since the beginning. Truly, I could see us at the end of all this. I’m still falling steadily in love with her, and I want to explore our relationship further. I want to keep working on our relationship forever, hopefully.

You met up with Gwilym at a bar that had been reserved for the two of you. As relaxed as you’d felt earlier, your body was now tense. You needed to have a serious talk with Gwilym about the relationship and find out where he stood.

You sat down together at a little table. He pulled your chair out for you, and you thanked him. Then, he took up his drink as he sat beside you.

“To a wonderful day,” he said. “And the most incredible woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

“Cheers,” you giggled.

You clinked glasses and you each took a sip.

“So,” you said, setting your wine down. “I feel like we need to talk about where we are and how exactly we’re feeling.”

“I’m alright with that,” he said. “Would you like to start?”

“Sure,” you said. “Gwilym, I’m definitely falling in love with you. You have stood out to me since night one, and I think we’ve had a really solid relationship. I appreciate your honesty, how dedicated you are to this, and your vulnerability. I know I can see a future with you.”

He smiled as you spoke.

“That’s lovely to hear,” he said. “I feel the same. We’re going strong. You’ve been as fair and honest in this whole process as you could, and I appreciate it. You make it so easy to be vulnerable with you because you are also so open. We’ve both really let our walls down. I fall more in love with you every day.”

You deflated a little. “So, that’s how you’re feeling. You’re falling in love with me?”

“Yes,” he told you. “That’s where my heart is.”

Your heart sank. So, he was falling behind. He noticed your expression shift.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

You sighed. “I feel like….we need to be further along than this.”

“How do you mean?” he pressed.

“You were falling in love with me back in London,” you said. “If you’re in the same place, then it means we’re not progressing.”

He took a sip of his drink, swallowing slowly as he returned it to the table.

“Where do you think we should be?” he wondered.

“I don’t know if we need to be at a certain place,” you said. “But we should be further along than we were a couple weeks ago. We need to be going forward.”

“Just because I’m still falling doesn’t mean we haven’t made progress,” he argued. “I need time to know you more. For me, falling in love….it’s a long way down before I can get there.”

“I understand that,” you said. “But I still feel like we’ve just...plateaued since our one on one. And if we’re going to get engaged soon, then I need to feel like we’re climbing.”

He didn’t answer. His eyes remained fixed on the table. Your heart was beginning to beat wildly against your rib cage.

“Gwil, please, I -”

“Y/N, I can’t tell you that I’m in love with you while you’re still involved with two other men,” he said, cutting across you. “I want to be the one at the end of this who gets down on one knee, but I cannot fully give my heart to you until you can give yours to me.”

For a moment, it felt like all the air was sucked out of your body. It was such a confusing thing to hear. Did that mean that he was in love with you and he just wasn’t saying it? That felt like a betrayal, especially when he’d always promised to be honest with you.

“So…” you began, deciding to ask the blunt question. “Are you in love with me? It’s your pride that won’t let you say it because there are still two other guys here?”

He sighed. “That’s not it. I don’t think I can get there unless we’re getting there together. I’m not in love with you yet.”

“Gwilym, that doesn’t make any sense!” you cried. “You knew what this process was when you signed up for it. Don’t you think you need to be in love before you get engaged?”

“Yes, of course, that’s the idea,” he returned. “But, because this is a unique journey, I knew that I’d need to be actually proposing before I could feel like we can really love each other. I don’t have that confidence while the others are still here.”

“None of you can be absolutely confident,” you said. “I’m not even confident of what decision I’ll make right now. But you have to take a chance. I know my heart is being pulled in different directions right now, but if I don’t have confidence that you’re where I need you to be in order for me to accept a proposal from you...then I don’t know what we’re going to do, Gwil. Because I need to be in love before I can say yes to someone.”

“Joe and Ben...have they told you they’re in love with you?” he asked.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” you replied.

“Right, sorry,” he said. “But I am getting the impression that it’s not that we haven’t made progress, it’s that I haven’t made the same progress as they have.”

“This isn’t about them,” you said. “This is about me and you. Our relationship is not about what’s going on with the other relationships.”

“But you must compare them,” he said. “How else do you make a decision?”

“I make my decision based on what happens between each person,” you said. “Yeah, some comparison happens, but I evaluate everything individually.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t mean to call you into question. You’ve been an excellent Bachelorette, but that’s just the thing. You’re the Bachelorette. If your heart really is being pulled in other directions, then can’t you understand why I struggle to feel confident?”

“I do,” you said. “And I’ve been in your shoes, remember? I’ve been on the other side of this. But I wasn’t afraid. I let myself take the chance and fall in love.”

A beat passed. He once again, did not answer. You took his hand.

“I’m doing the same thing now,” you said. “I love you, Gwilym.”

He stiffened and squeezed his fingers around yours.

“I…” he trailed off. “I’m sorry. I just can’t get there like this.”

You took a shaky breath, choking back tears. “So, what’s going to happen with us? Where are we going to go from here?”

“I dunno, Y/N,” he said. “I just don’t know.”

To be continued...

118 notes · View notes

iyliss · 4 years

Text

What does ‘destiny’ means for Saiou and Edo.

Honestly, trying to explain precisely and without missings what « destiny » means in season 2 is rather impossible. I will probably forget things, or maybe aspects will contradict themselves somedays but I don’t really care. There’s too much to tell, and right now I will try to focus on exactly one aspect. What do Saiou and Edo means when they talk about destiny. (Also I will use more or less precise quotes and rephrasing, but I can give the specific lines and episodes. I just don’t like how pictures looks on posts like this, and Im really writing this for myself before anyone else). So. What do I mean by all that. The concept of destiny is often used by both Edo and Saiou but it appears that they don’t really put the same exact meaning behind it. Though when they talk to each other they mostly use it in similar way, some other iterations don’t exactly match. For exemple, Edo initially can’t believe Saiou’s predictions may change or turn out wrong, while Saiou treats it rather calmly. Edo also many times iterates that destiny is an immovable object, that humans can’t pretend alter, while Saiou talks a lot about changing it. So. What does it mean for the both of them and why does it hold different meaning ? And please do know that that is just a massive piece text.

First, let’s consider Edo’s meaning. As said, Edo begin by sincerely thinking that destiny is absolutely impossible to change. It’s something that dictate people’s life, but that they can’t escape nor control beyond having some knowledge of it. In his first duel against Judai, he specify that it is something determined at birth, and already is written as such. In a way, it’s a rather god-like concept : all powerful and beyond humans’ reach. I think this all ties in Edo’s inner desire of some kind of absolute justice. In the earliest episodes, Edo sincerely think there’s a difference between exceptionnal people, who were given abilities and an incredible fate to accomplish, and everyone else who can’t ever reach the firsts’ level. It’s a justice in the sense that everyone will receive in measure of their greatness eventually, which is only given and not chosen. It’s also a justice in the sense of good and evil. Edo clearly doesnt believe in any justice system, chasing criminals himself. As such, destiny is the consequences of being an inherently bad person, that any good person (that Edo surely take himself for) has the right to punish. This divine justice destiny influence as such most of Edo’s early personnality. The way he disrespects others, and the way he grows to view Saiou. One of the thing that made him unable to notice the quite morally wrong things Saiou was doing, is because he still believes that there’s a strict limit between good, innocent people, and those who commits crimes. And Saiou can’t possibly be on the second case. It is further strenghtend by the absoluteness of his concept of destiny, potentially projecting that, destiny being always right, Saiou who incarnates it for him must be as well.

As such, Edo’s challenge against destiny was majorly based on accepting that it does not exist, first by breaking the order it had built. It went by having to face that Saiou may not always be right, but also that he may not be as special as he thought. And that’s the part where Judai is possibly able to save Saiou. If it’s Judai, instead of him, then it means for Edo that he is not really exceptional. It means destiny is wrong, and it means rebuilding the fundation of his ego. That’s why Edo stops talking about destiny rather brutally. The moment the rules break, he can’t do much but let go of them. That’s why, when the Light and Saiou still tells him about destiny, he just ignores it. Between the moment he realized his destiny had lost meaning and then, he ended up viewing himself and Saiou as much more whole and human (and also realized believing in destiny hadn’t help him as much as Saiou in himself had).

As for Saiou’s destiny The way he talks about it make it seem a lot less rigid. At the end his goal is to change it, by meeting Edo, then by observing Judai. He accepts the changes he sees and, as seen in his duel against Manjoume, choice is allowed. His is closer to the uncontrollable consequences of things. It’s kind of the meaning of that duel. Around the end, Saiou asks Manjoume to shuffle his deck before he draws the card on top, which will mean Manjoume either win or lose. Right there, Manjoume both has and has no choice. He can choose when to stop the shuffling but, in the end, not knowing what card is on top, he doesnt really control anything. Choice matters (it is what decides what card will be on top), but having the right card is not really under control. In all that, Saiou is in a position of knowing what card will be drawn, but not how. He knows the outcome, but not the execution. And this situation of knowing the outcome but having little control over the process is how he uses destiny. That’s his « destiny of destruction » : he knows that he will eventually go through this but is rather powerless when it comes to preventing it. Edo is going to save him ? Sure but he doesnt know why or how, the best he can do is make sure he’s in his life. And so on. The predictions can be wrong, the result can change, but there’s always this aspect of not having control on whats to come. It is close to determinism.

When Saiou challenges his own destiny, it’s by managing to not care about it. The main issue that can arise from a certain kind of determism is the thought that people are actually powerless, and everything is just consequences of causes that can’t be control. The only way to get back control , in Saiou’s situation, is by knowing the causes. That’s pretty much what he does when he tries to find out who will save him, and just about everytime he reads the future. He’s trying to find the causes of the consequences he already knows. That leads him to never really take actions. That’s one of the meaning behind his saying that he is imprisonned by destiny. Knowing it makes it impossible for him to actually think he’s changing anything. This is one main difference between Edo and Saiou’s concept of destiny. An opposition rather meaningful in season 2, between believing and knowing. Edo believed that some people were inherently better than others. It wasnt really based on any truth, and his path was to let go of that belief. Saiou knows the outcoms, it’s not something that can be undone, causality is based on logic and, at the end, it’s pretty much impossible to stop knowing that causes and consequences are a thing. His development is about not caring about it, or not focusing on it. The last thing Edo says about destiny is that he doesnt believe in it. The last thing Saiou has related to that is refusing to listen to the Light talking about serving destiny. So, no longer focusing on what’s to come, including no longer being able to tell the future.

And if you’re wondering, the meaning Saiou gives to destiny in season 4 is a bit different so… I wont really cover it here.

But, there’s something those two meanings have in common. They are the concentration of what both of them used as children to deal with their situation, and importantly filling the absence of adults in their life, and that they projected on a singular concept.

Edo was found lost and alone after his father’s death. He coped mostly by projecting the guidance he lacked onto his cards (leading to being so protective of them), and the idea of destiny brought by Saiou. I’m comparing the two because, while the D Heroes are quite obviously a reminder of his father, his « destiny » can be too as it is heavily based on heroic narratives. At the end of the day, all his talk about people’s fate being written in advance, the difference between the exceptionnal people, the unimportant one, and the evil ones, it’s like a story. Behind all this, there’s still a little boy dealing with loss by projecting himself into a story (inspired by the heroes from his father), where the hero is brave and strong and better than anyone else despise his tragic past, where there are unimportant npcs here to show how great the hero is, and a Big Bad to save someone he loves from. Thinking everything is written makes sense since it’s how stories always goes. At the beginning, Edo is very passionate about destiny, but also about heroes and how those cards are for him alone. His development goes by both accepting that Judai may save Saiou, that he isnt as important as he believed he was, and that heroes can be just fun as well. And it all comes from what he needed as a child : reassurance, justice (that adults couldn’t provide by not finding his father’s murderer), and promise that he had a future and a happy ending. Destiny was a continuation of his father’s legacy, and a way for him to keep building himself despite the lack of adults in his life.

As for Saiou, he pretty much says he used destiny as a survival tool when he was a kid. Especially to stay sane. The first effect destiny had on him was to keep some kind of rationality. The way he uses his power, and talks about destiny, is quite distant. Being able to understand both what was going on for him, and what would happen (his own prediction) has hardly controllable causalities, allowed him to make sense of it. On one side, as someone with more information, distancing himself surely was one of his own coping mechanism. On the other, thinking that there are so many factors leading to something can reduce guilt, especially when it comes to his « destiny of destruction ». Following destiny meant he wasnt in total control, so it wasnt completely his fault. Even if the whole guilt reducing part may not have worked, it did made him strongly feel like he had no real control on his life. That’s how destiny played for him the role an adult would have. Taking responsibility for his life, his action, and organise it. Saiou talks so often about being guided by destiny, as a way to separate himself from decision and actions he shouldn’t have had to take as a child. Interestingly, Saiou is conscious of using destiny like that since he is a child. When he refers to when he met Edo, he does think of it as his own intention, but view them as wrong. Unlike Edo, who’s transition out of destiny was rather brutal, Saiou don’t have a moment of realization. He may have known for a long time that, even if destiny like that isn’t so good to focus on, he won’t really stop. Escaping destiny in a way is not so much about changing what is to come, but letting go of the concept itself.

So I think Im running out of things to say if I want to keep it focus. I hope it makes some sense and interest, it’s hard constantly reminding myself of how the characters are and what they say so I can put down something coherent. I am pretty sure I won’t agree with some stuff in a bunch of week but I don’t really care, at least now some more thoughts are out in the wild.

#saiou takuma #edo phoenix #yugioh gx #does anyone want 2000 words of me rambling about either obvious or stretched out things? no #but that won't stop me #LisTalksAboutYugioh

16 notes · View notes

minnuet-archive · 3 years

Note

dominic! my gosh ive been trying to remember my aa mutuals and entirely forgot about ur icon! just wanted to let u know ive started playing ace attorney and its sooooooo good. im only on the 5th case in the trilogy lol but i am very attached to edgeworth and the relationship between him and wright. dont you think it’s just lovely that wright based his career on a moment of trust in childhood, and wanted to meet the boy who believed in him once more? <3 anyways, how are u doing? hope you’re alright! ^_^

nat, hello !!! i’m so excited you started playing ace attorney— it’s definitely worth it ^_^ and ahhh it’s so cute, right ? wright is so trusting + follows his emotions so steadily [almost without hesitation]. it’s really sweet and endearing. and edgeworth is just a BALL of trauma, the poor man. they’re just...... ahhhhh ! they make my heart do a little ! every time haha. i think you can tell by how much aa content i rb, though,,,,, and i’m doing alright, just pretty exhausted ! the treatment for my chronic illness is just reconditioning [aka do everything that makes you feel shitty until you can do it without feeling as shitty] so. it’s pretty much going to suck for the next couple months. but i’m trying to stay positive, and playing the piano has really been keeping me sane recently haha. how are you doing ? i hope you’re doing well, too !!

#seeing this in my inbox this morning was just !!!!#so sweet !!!!!#ty nat i hope you're having a lovely day !!#pls update me on your experiences with aa haha #it's so fun to hear abt what others think abt it !#nat #friends #asks #💌 love letters

2 notes · View notes

be-the-spark-flyboy · 4 years

Note

congrats on 200!! can i have a ship for all of them- preferably male but idrk 😳 i’ll accept female too? i like singing and playing guitar and i paint... sometimes. i think i’m a pretty open book... because i like talking to people. the only thing is, i close up when asked about my negative emotions. my love language is quality time. i like to tease people i like. i dont really mind what feedback they give me, whether they blush (cute-i also get tongue tied sometimes) or tease back (hot). (1)

things i hate are people who are too judgemental - if it doesnt affect you, why do you care?? - people that try to control me and people that project their insecurities onto other people. i find myself still hanging around these people, though, because i get an irrational urge to help them (as if i actually could) i consider myself a kind of... introverted extrovert (basically means i hate people but i need them to stay sane). i like a guy that can keep up with me, intellectually (2)

(or at least someone who wont try to bring me down a peg- although flirty competition is always welcome) and someone that will maybe take care of me... in the bedroom 😏- no, im kidding- haha, ok, half kidding, but what i really mean is someone who will remind me to eat and go to sleep because sometimes i’m awake for 20 hours and i eat one meal. (sorry this got so long. i always go over 😔) congrats again!! (3)

Hi anon!! Are you me?

MCU:

I ship you with...

Thor Odinson😚

Thor’s favorite hobby is showing you around the different realms (the safe ones of course) and watching you face morph with the awe as you take in everything. He’s the most giving person you’ve ever seen, always trying his best to spend time with you despite his busy schedule.

Watching the sunset in Asgard is your favorite by far. You and Thor bring a picnic mat to a grassy plain along with some food and alcohol and kiss under the stars once the sun sets.

Star Wars:

I ship you with...

Leia Organa 😉 Let’s be real boys are overrated sometimes

You are assigned too leia as a protection detail, though the Princess clearly has no problems defending herself. Even though you don’t get off on the right foot, overtime you become close friends with Leia.

However after Alderaan falls, she thinks that you died too. But you managed to escape in hopes of locating the Princess again. You reunite at the resistance base, overjoyed after finally finding each other. You were going to fight third war together. You were going to win this war together.

Oscar Issac Character:

Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia😎

Pope isn’t the type to feel threatened by an intellectual woman. In fact he admires your unapologetic nature and wit always keeping him on his toes. You know he’s going to take good care of you, in or out of the bedroom😉

Pope might be shit at taking care of himself but if he notices you not eating or resting enough? Ohhhh man he transforms into a mother hen. Especially now that he’s in between jobs at the moment, his full attention is focused on you. It’s low key annoying but also endearing that he cares so much about you.

#Followers Celebration: ships #thor odinson #leia organa #santiago pope garcia

3 notes · View notes

today-we-will-survive · 5 years

Text

07. Save Me

A story based on the fictional HYYH world about six boys with unimaginable problems and their friend that can’t do anything to help.

Member: Jungkook

Genre: Angst

Warning: warnings are in the masterlist

Word Count: 6.5K

Parts can be found on my Masterlist under “The Most Beautiful Moment In Life”

A/N: New parts every Tuesday and Friday

You can only pick up the pieces and paste them back together so many times before they no longer fit.

April.

One evening when Jungkook was ten, he and his parents were driving home from the grocery store. This was a weekly occurrence with them. One he always looked forward to because he and his dad would race each other down the aisles. This particular night, it was raining really hard. So hard that the wipers were working at a rapid pace to try and keep the windshield clear and the street visible. The sound, though a bit jarring, was repetitive enough to turn into a sort of rhythm. One that had Jungkook’s eyelids growing heavy until he slumped against the door, face pressed against his palm, and he drifted to sleep.

When he opened his eyes again, it wasn’t to the sound of rain on the metal car roof or the double time beat of the windshield wipers. It was to the beeps of monitors and quiet conversations between strangers. It was too bright. Too white. Too sterile. It took him several seconds to realize he was lying in a bed in a hospital room. And his parents weren’t in there with him.

The night they were all coming home from grocery shopping, a semi truck had run a red light and smashed into them. His dad had been killed instantly and his mom only lived for another week before dying in the hospital of complications. The crash had put Jungkook in a coma and by the time he came out of it, he didn’t have parents. He’d fallen asleep on the way home from the store and woken up in the hospital two weeks later, completely alone in the world.

For several months after the wreck, he’d withdrawn into himself, and while he barely ever spoke a word to anyone during that time, the voice in his mind screamed at the heavens, demanding to know why he had lived. Why his family had been taken. Why he couldn’t have gone with them. He’d heard a nurse say back in the hospital that the only reason he survived was because, since he’d been asleep, his body was limp, therefore absorbed most of the impact, unlike his parents who, as anyone else anticipating a collision would, tensed up. It’s why drunk drivers so often walk away from a crash when their victim doesn’t. If he would have been awake, maybe he’d be wherever his parents were too. Maybe they could be together.

He’d been in the foster system ever since then. Being moved from fake family to fake family, temporary house to temporary house so quickly sometimes he didn’t even get the chance to memorize his address. No one wanted a preteen. Once you were past the impressionable age, you were treated more as a guest in the house rather than part of the family. No one willingly took in older kids and teenagers because they wanted to. It was always for the money. At least, that was how Jungkook saw it.

He’d learned that out of all of the kids he ever lived with, he was the expendable one. The one that didn’t need attention. Didn’t need love because he could take care of himself. Over time, he’d learned to survive. To see his fake family as a provider of the bare necessities and nothing else. He’d learned to never grow attached. To never let anyone in. To never even unpack his things because any day now, his case worker was going to knock on the door and tell him it was time to move on.

It’s hard not to latch onto the bitterness and let it fester inside you. Especially when there’s such a lack of love in your life. Jungkook shut down, made a bubble around himself of anger and hatred. He’d get into it with his fake siblings, with his fake parents. With anyone that looked at him wrong. He got into sports and started working out as a way to avoid home and clear his mind. He got bigger, more intimidating. People started leaving him alone.

Then in seventh grade, he saw a small boy get cornered by a group of guys much bigger than him. He didn’t even hesitate before getting right in the middle of it, blocking the boy with his body and staring them down until they backed off. That was the day he met Jimin. The day he figured out that his strength could in fact be put to good use. Jimin introduced him to Tae and it didn’t take long for the two to break down his walls. To show him that there were in fact people in this world that cared about him. That he could care about too.

When he met the rest of the guys, he found himself feeling angry less often. Smiling more. Laughing even. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much. They were his escape from the real world. The ones that kept him going. That kept him sane. He wanted to protect them with everything he had. Protect Jimin from the darkness that enshrouded him at school.

“Out!”

“Fine!”

Jungkook slammed the front door to his house behind him and slung his backpack over his shoulder. His ears burned under the hood of his sweatshirt and hot tears glazed his eyes, threatening to spill over the moment he blinked. It seemed like more and more this was the way he’d leave. With a shouting match between he and his fake dad and then a slam of the door.

Jimin’s mom’s car idled on the curb, Jimin sitting in the passenger seat, his eyes following Jungkook as he trudged toward them.

“Morning, Jungkook,” Jimin’s mom said when Jungkook slid into the backseat.

“Morning,” he uttered and sniffed hard to keep the tears from spilling over. When his eyes were finally dry, he looked up, catching Jimin staring in the rear view mirror. The older boy’s forehead was creased, the corners of his eyes dipped low with concern. Jungkook turned his head, tearing his gaze from his friend’s and watched the houses rush by through the window. Then he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out.

Jimin: fake dad?

Jungkook glanced up again to see that Jimin’s eyes were still trained on him through the mirror. With a sigh, he looked back down at his screen, his fingers typing out an answer.

JK: yea. im fine tho.

Jimin: ok

It was obvious Jimin didn’t believe him but Jungkook was an impenetrable fortress that chose when to let people in and when to keep them locked out. He didn’t like talking about his home life, especially to Jimin. The boy had enough to worry about with school and Jiho and therapy. The last thing he needed was to be triggered by Jungkook and his miserable situation. Jimin had always been an empathetic soul, though. And maybe that was why Jungkook had been drawn to him from the start. Jungkook was comfortable around him. He felt understood even though Jimin knew very little. The only other person in the group he’d opened up to was Yoongi.

Yoongi.

The older boy had been like a big brother to him. Like a father. A protector. A home. His words still resonated in Jungkook’s head, bouncing around in his skull like a ricocheting bullet. I don’t want you anymore. He never thought he’d hear that from Yoongi. His fake dad had drilled it into him that he wasn’t actually wanted. That they only took in a fourteen year old with a temper because they knew he’d be easier to manage than their younger wards. And money was money. As long as they kept him fed and clothed, they would receive a check every month. He expected that from them. But not Yoongi. Never Yoongi.

He hadn’t believed he’d heard his hyung right at first. That, for some reason, his ears had interpreted what the boy had said incorrectly. That maybe his mind had been playing tricks on him. But then the words hit him like a sledgehammer to the chest, bruising his ribcage and crushing his lungs. They’d left him breathless.

You don’t want me anymore? He’d had to be sure. Yoongi couldn’t have said it. Couldn’t have meant to say something that he knew would cause so much damage to the younger boy. That would leave him feeling so broken. So worthless. You heard me. And he had. And he heard him for weeks after that. Those words. Those words that pierced him to the core. That extinguished his spirit and left him groping around in darkness.

I don’t want you anymore.

Leaving Yoongi’s house that night, he’d wandered the streets for a while, his anger and hurt slowly fading to numbness. And now he only ever felt one of the two. When he was angry he wanted to punch something or someone and when he was numb, he wanted to feel pain. Just needed to feel something.

He lashed out even more at his foster parents. At the other kids in the house. At his teachers and students at school. He got in a lot of fights. Provoked classmates and rough looking strangers on the streets. He was lucky no one ever pulled a knife or a gun on him. Though maybe he secretly hoped someone would.

“Why don’t you stay at my house tonight?” Jimin asked once they’d gotten to school and his mom’s car had pulled away from the curb. “Friday night’s pizza night.”

“You know I can’t turn down pizza night,” Jungkook replied, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a small smirk. Just the prospect of not having to go back to his fake family after school was enough to lighten his mood a bit. Just a bit, though. Yoongi’s words still dragged him down into the icy depths of a dark ocean, but the thought of staying at Jimin’s house at least gave him a chance to break the surface and take in a breath before being pulled back down again.

School had never really been a problem for Jungkook. He’d always stayed pretty much in the middle academically. Never getting straight A’s but never getting below a C. It kept his fake parents and the teachers off his back which was all that mattered to him. Though now with Taehyung no longer at school as he awaited his trial, Jungkook was having to rush from his classes that he didn’t share with Jimin to meet the boy, sometimes forgetting to turn in his homework or stopping by his locker to grab his books for his next class. He was starting to fall a bit behind and his grades were reflecting it.

Jiho had left them pretty much alone for a while now. Sure, Jungkook saw him in the halls and sometimes would catch him just looking at Jimin but it seemed like making Jimin miserable was no longer on his agenda. Maybe he’d finally gotten bored of tormenting him. Though Jungkook wasn’t stupid enough to let his guard down, even for a second.

“I’m sorry I forgot Tae’s homework,” Jimin said as he walked quickly down the hall toward his locker. He’d been bringing work to Taehyung so the boy would still be able to graduate on time. “I don’t know why I didn’t grab it before class. I guess I was just in such a rush. It was stupid.”

“It’s fine, Jiminie,” Jungkook said. He almost had to jog to keep up. The boy was so much smaller than him, how was he covering so much ground so quickly?

“I’ve just been stressed out ever since Tae got arrested and all that crap and now you’re having to work twice as hard and I just—” he stopped in front of his locker, hand hovering over the combination dial. He squeezed his eyes shut with a sigh then looked up at Jungkook. “I’m sorry I’m so weak, Jungkook-ah.”

Jungkook sucked in a breath, words of assurance at the back of his throat when he heard a locker slam a bit further down the hall. He and Jimin turned to find Jiho, by himself, coming toward them. Where were his friends?

“So the rumors are true, then,” Jiho said, his dark eyes sparkling as he leaned against the locker next to Jungkook. “Your other guard dog got sent to the pound.”

Jungkook was in Jiho’s face in a second, teeth bared. “Don’t talk about Tae like that,” he growled.

The bully’s eyes widened in fear for just a second before narrowing to slits, a devilish grin pulling his mouth upward. “Or what?” he asked quietly. “You can’t touch me. Not here anyway.”

“Wanna bet?” Jungkook asked, stepping forward again, forcing Jiho to back up against the locker.

Jiho let out a dark chuckle. “You want to hit me so bad right now, don’t you, Pitt-bull?”

He had no idea.

Jungkook could feel the muscle in his arm tightening and contracting with each clench of his fist. He wanted so badly to slam his knuckles against Jiho’s skull. Make him think twice before ever even looking Jimin’s way again. He was so sick of seeing the fear, the exhaustion, the misery in Jimin’s eyes every day when he’d come to school. Even though graduation was less than two months away, it still wasn’t close enough. Jungkook didn’t know if Jimin was going to make it. He already looked skinnier than he had even just a month ago. Much longer and he’d wither away to nothing. Disappear completely. All because of this worthless piece of trash grinning up at Jungkook. He’d been feeling so cold, so empty since Yoongi had abandoned him. But now fire built in his gut. Flames licked up his chest. Burned his throat and set his eyes ablaze. If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was protect his friends. And this worm was still threatening one of them.

He’d had enough.

“Come on, Jungkook,” Jiho uttered so only he could hear. “There aren’t any teachers around. Hit me.”

Jungkook felt a cold hand on his arm, fingers curling around his bicep. “Jungkook-ah.” Jimin’s small voice was barely audible over the sound of Jungkook’s heart crashing in his ears. “Come on. He’s not worth it.”

Jungkook turned his head to look at his friend. At his tired face. At his pallid skin. His hollowed cheeks. The boy looked like he hadn’t felt happiness in years, yet somehow he still managed to greet him every morning with a smile. How was this boy still alive?

“You’re right, Jimin,” Jungkook said and glanced back at Jiho. “He’s not worth it.” Then he turned to meet his friend’s eyes again. “But you are.”

Before Jimin could stop him, Jungkook reared back and threw his fist forward. It connected with a sickening crack against Jiho’s cheekbone, sending the boy crashing to the ground on his hands and knees. A thick stream of bloody saliva dripped from his mouth and he spit onto the linoleum floor before looking back up to meet Jungkook’s eyes. His face split in a wide, red stained grin.

“Jungkook, what did you do?” Jimin whispered from behind him.

When he turned to look at him, Jungkook’s eyes caught on someone over his shoulder. Principal Song approached with two of Jiho’s friends trailing behind him.

He’d been set up. Of course Jiho and his friends had planned this. Anything to get Jimin’s second guard dog in trouble and out of the picture.

“What on earth is going on here?” Principal Song asked, his face red with anger.

Jiho’s friends rushed forward to help the injured boy up and he stumbled a bit, playing up that he was really hurt. And he probably was. Jungkook had hit him pretty hard.

“He just hit me, Principal Song-nim,” Jiho said weakly. “Just straight up punched me in the face.”

“Don’t even pretend you didn’t provoke him, Jiho,” Jimin snapped from behind Jungkook then looked at the principal. “He was just defending me.”

“Jungkook,” Principal Song barked.

Jungkook hadn’t said a word or moved a muscle since first seeing the man coming toward him. The fire in his gut raged on, leaving his shoulders heaving and his heart pounding. His eyes drilled into the man as his fists clenched tighter. He could feel where the skin on one of his knuckles had split when it came in contact with Jiho’s face.

Jiho. He wanted to make the boy suffer as much as he’d made Jimin suffer since middle school. He wanted to make him wish he’d never said a word to Jimin. Never laid hands on him. Jungkook wanted to kill him.

“Did you hit this student?” the principal asked gesturing toward the cowering Jiho.

Finally, Jungkook pulled in a steady breath to speak. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he told me to.”

Principal Song opened his mouth but nothing came out. He obviously hadn’t expected to hear that answer and now he flapped his mouth a few more times like a fish, his eyes darting back and forth between the injured boy and the one that had injured him. At last, he gathered his thoughts. “We have a strict no violence policy here. You were all made well aware of that at the beginning of the year. Did you forget?”

Jungkook clenched his jaw. “No,” he said through gritted teeth.

“So what made you do it?”

“He’s been harassing Jimin since sixth grade.” Jungkook said coldly. “Where’ve you been?”

Again, the principal was stricken speechless. It took him just a few seconds to regain his composure. “You not liking the way we do things does not justify taking matters into your own hands.” Then Principal Song turned to Jiho and his friends. “Please escort Jiho to the nurse and then all of you get to class.” He waited as they made their way down the hall and disappeared around the corner. Then he turned to Jungkook. “You know the rules, young man. You’ll need to come with me. Back to class, Jimin.”

Jungkook watched a look of horror pass over Jimin’s face as the principal took Jungkook by the shoulder and led him away. He craned his neck around, keeping his eyes locked on Jimin’s until they turned the corner. Dread filled his own stomach. If he was suspended, how would he be able to protect Jimin? He turned his head to look back at the principal.

“Principal Song-Nim, you can’t suspend me. Jimin can’t—”

“The staff will do whatever we can to keep our students safe,” the man replied sternly. “He will be fine without you.”

That was it. Jungkook ripped his shoulder out of the principal’s hand and turned to face him. The boy was eye level with the man but more muscular and he couldn’t help but feel a flash of cruel satisfaction when Principal Song took a slight step backward.

“This school has done nothing to make Jimin feel safe,” Jungkook growled. “Something is going to happen to him while I’m gone. Just watch. And when it does, I’m not going after Jiho and his lackeys. I’m coming after you.”

Principal Song’s eyes narrowed to shining black slits. “That sounded like a threat, Jeon Jungkook,” he said. “And threats will not be tolerated at this school.” Then he straightened up, standing eye to eye once again with the boy. “You’re no longer suspended.”

“Wai—”

“You’re expelled.”

Jungkook could feel the anger churning in his belly like an ocean in a hurricane. His fists clenched at his sides and his jaw became prominent as he ground his teeth together.

“Now, if you don’t want the police to get involved, I suggest getting off school grounds immediately.”

Jungkook watched out of the tops of his eyes as the man turned and strolled away and into his office. The whole inner wall was glass so Jungkook could see him go all the way across the room to sit at his oak desk. When the principal was finally seated, he looked up, locking eyes with Jungkook before reaching slowly for the phone. Obviously, he’d been serious when he said he’d call the police on Jungkook if he didn’t leave right then. What else could Jungkook do but go? He couldn’t go back to tell Jimin what happened. He couldn’t return the next week to walk him to his classes. It was over.

With a defeated sigh, his angry expression fell and his eyes slid from the principal’s down to the floor as he trudged toward the exit. What was he going to tell Jimin?

Jungkook waited at the bus stop across the street from the school until the students were let out at the end of the day. He couldn’t risk being caught on the property and getting the cops called on him, so when he finally saw Jimin coming out the front doors, he jumped to his feet and waited anxiously there on the other side of the crosswalk like a dog at the end of his leash. His eyes followed the boy closely, never straying as Jimin pulled his hood up over his faded orange hair. He watched him make his way across the street, his hands jammed deep into the pocket of his hoodie. Watched him glance his way before shaking his head and trudging past him down the sidewalk.

Jungkook knew he looked ridiculous trailing after the boy like a puppy but he couldn’t help it. He needed to apologize. Needed to explain. Needed Jimin to stop ignoring him. Please, just stop ignoring him.

“Jiminie, just stop for a second. Please,” Jungkook finally said, grabbing the smaller boy’s arm and spinning him around to face him.

“Why did you hit him, Jungkook?” Jimin asked. He set his jaw in a hard line, his eyes drilling into Jungkook’s and for the first time, Jungkook actually felt intimidated by his icy stare. “Well?”

With a sigh, Jungkook looked back at the school again. It was several blocks away now. Jimin had gone pretty far before Jungkook caught up to him. “I just need to tell you something…”

“Yes, please do, Jungkook,” Jimin said. “Tell me exactly what you were thinking. Tell me why you thought it would be a good idea to punch Jiho at school when you know that they’ve been cracking down on their whole no violence policy, which is a load of crap, by the way, since apparently Jiho doesn’t even need to touch me to mess with me every day. And now, you’ve gone and gotten yourself suspended so what—”

“Expelled.”

Jimin went silent.

Jungkook didn’t want to meet his eyes. He kicked at a clump of moss sticking up from between a crack in the sidewalk. Stuffed his hands in his pockets and grabbed at the lint that had collected in the seams. Rolled his tongue against his cheek. Until finally, the silence was too heavy to bear and he had to look up.

Jimin’s icy facade had melted, leaving a stricken expression on his pale face. His lips were slightly parted, his shoulders heaving and then his fingers flew up into his hair and panic filled his eyes. “Y-you what?”

Immediately, Jungkook wished he could take everything back. Wished he hadn’t let Jiho’s comment about Taehyung get to him. Wished he’d controlled the fire raging in him. Wished he’d fought the urge to hit him. Wished he hadn’t just uttered the one word that could make his friend suddenly look so scared.

Jimin’s breathing turned ragged and he raked his quivering hands down his face. “Expelled?” he cracked. “You got expelled? I won’t have you? I won’t have Tae? Jiho will…” He staggered, almost crashing into the bushes lining the sidewalk if not for Jungkook reaching out and grabbing him. The boy’s skin felt clammy, his whole body trembling. Jungkook had seen his friend have plenty of anxiety attacks but this was completely different. A panic attack worse than any he’d ever had.

“It’ll be okay, Jiminie,” Jungkook whispered as he sank down onto the curb, enveloping the boy in his arms, letting him crumble into his chest as he descended further into panic. “I’ll figure it out. You won’t be alone. It’ll be okay.” Jungkook knew he was making empty promises. He wasn’t allowed back on school property. Tae wasn’t going back to school, at the very least, until after his trial and that was only if he was found not guilty. And even then, school would be over anyway. Jimin was right. He was all alone. And it was Jungkook’s fault.

It had been almost eight years since he lost his parents and the memories, the details, had faded over time. But sometimes, out of nowhere, his mom or dad’s face would appear in his mind with startling detail, leaving him breathless.

This time it was a dream that they appeared to him in. More of a nightmare, really. He could see the crash happening. Hear the collision. The jarring sound of tires squealing, brakes seizing, glass and metal crumpling. He saw his mom’s terror-filled eyes and heard her scream his name. And then he woke up.

It took him a second to realize he was laying on the floor in Jimin’s room instead of sprawling across the backseat of a car. A layer of cold sweat coated his naked torso and matted his hair down to his forehead.

He heard a groan just then and watched as Jimin’s arm stirred where it lay slung over the edge of his mattress. “Jungkook-ah?”

“I’m fine,” Jungkook said sitting up and pressing his palms into his eyes. “Just had a nightmare, Jiminie. Go back to sleep.”

With another barely-awake groan, Jimin rolled over to face the wall. Jungkook peered at him from over the edge of the bed. The boy’s blankets had slipped off of him in the night and now he lay curled into a ball, his cotton pants riding up his legs to expose his boney ankles. He was so small. Too small.

Jungkook got up quietly and tugged Jimin’s blanket back in place over his body. The boy nuzzled his pillow, never opening his eyes but letting out a contented sigh. At least he seemed to be having good dreams. With a sharp breath to clear his head, Jungkook reached for his shirt and tugged it on then grabbed his hoodie and slipped from the room quietly.

The whole house was dark and silent, the place awash in cold, blue light cast by the streetlamp that filtered in through the filmy curtains covering the windows. Jimin’s house was nice. Not super nice like Jin’s, but homey, comfortable. Jungkook felt a stab of jealousy in his gut as he made his way to the entryway where his shoes were. He passed walls lined with photos of Jimin in different stages of growing up. Family photos and birthday photos and school photos. Jungkook hadn’t lived in a house where his picture adorned a wall in a long time. Having been shuffled from one place to the next so many times had made him forget what it was even like to have a place to call his. Sure, he’d been with his current caretakers for a few years now but he’d never go so far as to call those people his family or that house his home.

After pulling his shoes on, Jungkook unlocked and opened the front door quietly. It was unusually warm for a spring night but Jungkook welcomed the feeling of the wind on his face. He’d woken up with goosebumps dotting his skin and this was the comfort he needed to wash away the image of his mom’s terror-filled eyes.

He often went for walks when he needed to clear his head. So much had happened that day that this walk was necessary. Heck, the past several months had been nothing but one hit after another. From Taehyung killing his dad to getting arrested, to Yoongi suddenly flipping out on Jin and tossing Jungkook out like a piece of trash. Jungkook sucked in a sharp breath at that last thought.

He’d made it to the end of Jimin’s street, past the mini mart and out onto the main road that ran through the city. He wasn’t sure where he was headed but it didn’t really matter anyway. He could go on forever and no one would miss him. He already was nothing but a burden on the people that knew him. And he’d let down the only one that didn’t see him as such.

After hearing the same words for the past eight years of his life, that he was only as good as the money he brought in, that he needed to stop relying on others to take care of him, that he needed to grow up and be a man, it was hard to not believe it was all true. And then there was Jimin. His best friend and the boy that relied on him more than anyone else. The boy that trusted him to keep him safe and he’d failed. Failed at his one responsibility.

Jungkook cut across the street and around a corner. The school loomed in front of him, its tall, white stone clocktower raising up to pierce the sky like a blade. Jungkook sat down on the bench he’d waited for Jimin on earlier in the day and rested his head in his hands.

That dream had really shaken him. Had brought everything back. And now the hole in his chest that had finally begun to shrink with time felt gaping again. Without any warning, his chest contracted and he let out a sob. Then the tears came.

He buried his face in his arms, crumpling into a ball there on the bench as he cried. His voice echoed down the street, filling the darkness with sounds of anguish. He didn’t know how long he cried but when he finally looked up again, his lungs hurt and his eyes burned.

Jungkook leaned back, resting his head against the back of the bench so he could look up at the sky. The city lights washed out most of the stars but the brightest ones were still visible. Shining and twinkling the way stars do, completely unaware or maybe uncaring of the trivial problems of humans. Stars have much bigger things to worry about.

With a heavy sigh Jungkook got up again. The air had cooled significantly since he left Jimin’s house and now he hunched his shoulders forward and shoved his hands deep into his pockets to brace himself against the chill. He was exhausted and only now did he regret leaving the house in the first place. It was going to be a long, cold walk back.

He didn’t even see the car flying down the road toward him. The driver apparently didn’t see him either because they didn’t even attempt to slow down before plowing into him. The whole thing happened so quickly that Jungkook didn’t know it until he landed on the road on his back with a sickening crunch. The impact ripped all of the air from his lungs and he lay there for several panicking seconds as he tried to will them to expand again. When he finally was able to pull in a breath, he knew something was wrong. He couldn’t inhale right. When he tried to move his legs, they wouldn’t budge. He couldn’t feel anything. Something was definitely wrong.

His heart pounded in his chest and he could hear how ragged and shallow his breathing was. His vision blurred with every beat. The air grew thick and suddenly he felt like he was drowning. Panic washed over him like a wave and his unfocused eyes watched as the surface grew more and more distant. He was sinking further. Falling into the dark depths of the unknown.

Please, no. Please, not here. Not like this.

Jungkook could feel himself being tugged further down and he grit his teeth, struggling against current. No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn’t fight it. He could feel his energy draining. Feel his heartbeat weakening. The sound of it slowing seemed to surround him until it was all he could hear. Until there was nothing but him, floating in this black ocean, listening to his dying pulse.

Please…not like this.

He thought of Jimin, sleeping peacefully in his bed. He thought of Tae who still constantly wore that haunted look on his face. Of Hoseok and how lifeless he’d become. Of Namjoon and how much he beat himself up over letting Tae down. Of Yoongi.

“Yoongi.”

The name left Jungkook’s lips in a cracked wheeze. His throat constricted and it took him several more seconds and too much energy to force the muscles to relax so he could breathe again.

What he wouldn’t give to see Yoongi again. He just wanted to hear his voice. Wanted to hear him assure him that everything would be okay. That he would get through this. That what happened with Jimin wasn’t his fault. Though he knew it was.

I don’t want to die alone.

A sob broke free of Jungkook’s throat and he took in another gasping breath before plunging below the surface of the dark ocean again. Memories of his life floated around him in the darkness. As if watching silent movies on a projector, his eyes roved over the familiar scenes. Of when he met Jimin, and the rest of the guys. When they had their first beach day. Of one of the many parties at Yoongi’s where Jungkook spent the whole time on the couch stuffed between Jimin and Tae while playing video games. Of the first time he went to Yoongi after his fake dad told him he was worthless. Yoongi pulling him in for a hug, his arms holding Jungkook’s broken pieces together. And finally, his eyes fell on a memory. A memory of him and his parents the night before his seventh birthday when the three of them were making cupcakes and he and his dad ended up getting into a frosting fight.

He focused on his parents’ faces. On the laugh lines creasing the corners of his mom’s eyes. On the gray flecks of scruff peppering his dad’s chin. These were the things he had forgotten over the years. The things that were so vivid and real to him now.

Suddenly the thought of dying didn’t terrify him anymore. Now, instead, Jungkook could only feel an undeniable sense of peace. He’d finally get to be with his parents. He’d finally have a family again. He was so close to the edge, he could feel it.

At last, he opened his eyes. The black sky stretched above him and through the blurry film of tears, he could still make out the stars. Now they didn’t seem like cold, uncaring orbs of light in the distance. They were much closer. So close he’d be able to reach out and brush them with his fingertips if he had the strength.

Kook-ah. What do you think you’re doing?

Jungkook blinked hard and sighed. “Yoongi-hyung?” he uttered, his words drawn out and slurred. He could feel himself fading fast.

Just hold on, Kook. Just keep fighting.

Jungkook’s heart rate plunged again, his thoughts suddenly foggy. It was getting harder to breathe. “I-I can’t…hyung.”

Do it for us, Kook. Please. Do it for Jimin.

“It’s…too…” Jungkook could feel himself drifting in and out of consciousness, “late…for Jimin.”

Bull.

A puff of air escaped his nose in a weak laugh. He couldn’t help feeling a twinge of sadness at the thought of leaving his friends behind. He felt the warmth of fresh tears spring to his eyes when he thought about the moments he’d shared with them. The parties, the jokes, the meals at the diner. He’d had nothing until he met them, and then they were his everything. He couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

With his teeth gritted against the pain, Jungkook slid his arm along the pavement, scraping the exposed skin of his wrist across the ground as he reached for his pocket. His energy was draining fast and he knew he didn’t have much longer. By the time his fingers brushed the hem of his pocket, he was breathing hard. Just a little bit further. A choked sob fell from his lips when he realized his pocket was empty. His phone wasn’t there.

Exhausted, he let his head fall to the side, his fading vision landing on the cracked black device sitting next to him. He felt like he was going to cry with relief. His arm was too heavy to lift and for a few seconds he stared helplessly at his phone, the sound of his heartbeat slowing in his ears. But then he pulled in a breath.

“Hey Siri,” he wheezed and then waited with bated breath until at last, the screen of his phone came to life and his mouth nudged up into a weak, triumphant smile. “Call…” Who could he call? “Call Seokjin,” he finally said. As the screen changed, he waited, closing his eyes and letting the sound of the ringing fill his head. It took four agonizing rings before Jungkook heard the sound of someone answering.

“Hello?”

Jungkook’s face crumpled at the sound of the familiar voice and he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“Hello?” Jin’s voice echoed again. “Jungkook-ah?”

Jungkook sucked in as deep of a breath as he could. “Hyung?” he cracked.

“Jungkook-ah? Do you know what time it is? Are you okay?”

Jungkook opened his mouth to respond but instead, a sob pushed its way out.

“Jungkook? What happened? What’s wrong?” The older boy’s voice rose with panic.

“I tried, hyung” he whispered letting his cheek fall to the pavement. He squeezed his eyes shut as another cry tumbled out. “I failed. I failed Jimin…”

“You what? Jungkook, where are you? What happened?”

“I failed Yoongi-hyung…”

On the other end of the line, Jungkook could hear faint rustling sounds as Jin got out of bed and started fumbling around in his room. “Just stay on the line with me. Where are you?”

Jungkook took in a wheezing breath as his surroundings began to fade. He tried to keep his eyes focused on the glowing screen of his phone where it lay close to his head. He couldn’t feel his body anymore. He couldn’t feel the cold air, or the rumbling pavement. He couldn’t hear the sirens in the distance or the fact that they were growing closer.

“Just tell the guys I love them. Tell them I’m sorry,” he whispered as the tears slipped past his eyelashes and slid down his cheek.

“Jungkook, stop,” Jin cracked. “Don’t talk like that. Just tell me where you are.”

Jungkook tried to open his mouth again, tried to draw in another breath but he was too tired. Too far gone. Instead, he closed his eyes, listening to Jin go on, his voice distorting as he yelled into the receiver. At least he wasn’t alone anymore.

28 notes · View notes

destressjournal · 3 years

Text

DCOM Rankings #89: Radio Rebel

the reason this review took so long is that I’m engaged now!! Im a fiancé!! So that happened.

Anywayyyyy time to talk about this cringe fest! Now there was a brief tik tok trend like a year ago about this movie and I think it distorted my views on the movie just a little bit but honestly I think it deserved it. There are rumors that Disney plus doesn’t have this movie because it’s ashamed of it. But really it’s just copyright laws, cuz it was made in conjunction with a Canadian company.

BUT I was able to watch the whole thing on YouTube for free so if any of you want to watch it for whatever messed up reason, someone recorded it on their tv in its entirety in 39 parts. Not good quality at all but they put the subtitles on and there’s no background noise so it was an easy watch (in that aspect...).

So where do I even start with this movie? I honestly thought frienemies was the cringiest thing I’ve ever seen...oh boy. I was way wrong. Well actually, let me correct myself, this movie is both cringey AND sends bad messaging!

I’m trying to think if there’s anything good about this movie I can say before I completely obiterate it...hmmmmm. I will say this! It was way more entertaining than Frienemies. And some of the other C and below movies on my list. It kept my attention and now it’s kind of iconic (in a not so good way but still).

But like the attention wasn’t always good attention. So let’s just dive in to the review and if I find something good I’ll talk about it but this is basically a roast. And I’m here for it!

So...again it’s hard to know where to start but let’s go with the overall story. I LIKE the concept of an alter ego radio host who is actually super shy in real life. I really do think that’s interesting! But the execution of this was really not easy to watch....It’s like a really cringey insane version of hatching Pete. I would prefer hatching Pete over this any day of my life. Even if that movie still wasn’t the best either. If they were less over the top with it and actually got real, with real problems, then maybe I would have liked it.

Okay, the characters. I don’t really like any of them maybe except for Gavin. He was the only sane character in the entire movie. And I think the only person that got the message of the movie (the good message anyway) while his band mates are literally in another world, like shut up you’re in high school!!! It was the most annoying scene when Gavin was like “hey have you seen Tara? She’s supposed to be here for our school assignment” “omg stop thinking about Tara, only think about Stacy, she’s higher class and good for our image”

....

“Ummm yeah I literally just asked you if you’ve seen her because we were partnered up on a school project and we literally present next . School?? Do you remember school?? The place we’re at right now? Where we have homework and books and normal things going on? Do you even care that you’re not in class right now??”

I get that like Gavin calls him out on his bullshit a little bit but I wish he took an extra punch like what I said above. Anyway...

I think I would have liked Tara a lot more if it wasn’t Debbie Ryan playing her. And I do feel bad because she was great in suite life, but she literaly cannot play a shy character, because she’s not a shy person, at least that’s how I perceive her to be based on interviews and such. But besides the acting piece. She goes out and gives all this great advice to folks but never takes it herself. That and, I watched one review that made a really good point, Tara’s messaging is really mixed. Some of it is good, like telling folks to wear red tomorrow as a solidarity thing, that was good! But telling folks to disrupt class and stick it to the man, and get people in trouble, including the school, yikes. Like she was under the threat of expulsion the entire time and it was seen as an unfair thing in the movie, ummm no that was pretty justified if you hired an entire radio station to have a unauthorized dance party in the school parking lot during the day time. I would understand if they threatened expulsion after the “wear red” thing or if something happened off school property, like far off, not just a foot. But yeah I wish her messaging was more consistent with “be who you are” and “get rid of the classist high school system” rather than “stick it to the teachers and principal, they suck and take away your ipods!”

As for the other characters, they’re just kind of annoying, they try to be funny but they’re just cringey and the writers/director are clearly out of touch with how high school kids really act. (I hate the best friend character so much) And the PARENTS! Let’s talk about the parents for a second! Not only does Tara condone disrespecting your teachers in the name of...freedom? but her parents are all for it! Even when Tara was actually worried about getting expelled. Her mom was literally “I don’t careee you’re giving people a voice at the cost of your high school permanent record and college acceptances!” When her dad walks into the studio one day and was like “hey not cool to use the slam name to throw an unauthorized party at your school” “but I’m giving them a voice” “oh okay then carry on!”.

Ok, I GET what the message of the movie was trying to be. Well actually I don’t now that I think about it. But obviously it was all good intentions. Like all the stuff about being your true authentic self but also not being different from your classmates....? Like I really think they needed to stick with one message and stay in that lane, because it gets too confusing that way. But anyway, I GET what they were trying to go for, it just failed miserably. That was the movie’s main problem. It wanted to connect with high school teens on a deeper level and 1. It didn’t know what avenue to take so it took all of them, and 2. It ended up being the least relatable thing on television.

Basically, it’s like everyone is in another dimension where normal people don’t exist. It’s all these crazy wacky over the top characters in a place where no one cares about school. Only social status and fame. Even the parents agree. But oh noooo that mean ol’ principal, who yes was also a mustache twisty villain, took my iPod and now it’s revenge time. Like okay Stacy was the true villain here, she manipulated everybody, including the principal, into doing what she wanted. But no it’s all the principal’s fault because she’s the authority! And you’re made to hate her because she says evil stuff. This movie was just all over the place and didn’t know what to do with itself. So this review is also all over the place because of it.

Maybe it’s because I’ve officially grown out of the new movies. Maybe if I was younger I would have liked this movie a lot more. Maybe I’m biased because I watched a few other reviews before posting this one. I don’t know. But I think this movie has a lot more wrong with it that just being cringey. I now expect most of not all the future DCOMS to be at least a little cringey just because they are being made for a new generation. It’s sad, but at least it will be over soon!

Okay grade time! I honestly don’t know if I want to give this a minus or not. Like I said, this was bad but kind of a hilarious bad. Like it’s still somewhat entertaining but in a bad way. It kept my attention at least. So maybe I’ll stick with a regular C on this one. I feel like I should give it a D but I don’t know....I feel weird because the movie obviously had a big ish budget for a DCOM I feel like, so the movie LOOKS fine. Agghhhh. But yeah if I’m struggling to find one or two good things about this movie, maybe I should put it at a D level. Hmmm would I rather watch this or den brother....? Definitely this! So wherever it goes, it’s going above that for sure.

Sighhh ranking these is going to be harder than I thought...but it is what it is! I have no idea what the next movie is, I didn’t check the list, so it will be a surprise! See ya then! Hope I post this review in a somewhat timely manner...

0 notes

dont-sneeze · 7 years

Text

I don’t know what this is but I hope you enjoy?

The year was 1899. It was two a.m. in Manhattan, New York. Because it was night and every sane person was sleeping, there wasn’t much noise compared to the daytime. It was quiet now, nice for thinking and reflecting. During the daytime, one could see and hear the cry of newsboys all over the city, trying to make their living on half a penny a paper-

“Yeah, yeah they all know the plot, C.” Jack commented leaning against the railing of his rooftop penthouse. “That’s why they’re reading this in the first place. You can just go on with the Angst so we can get it over with.”

“Jack.” Crutchie limped up next to him. “Be nice. She’s trying out a new style of writing. You should be honored she even writes about us. After all, we are just a bunch of nobody’s to the rest of the world.”

“Yeah, well I don’t appreciate all she’s put us through. It hurts. Over and over and over.”

“But it always turns out happy in the end. That’s why we’re still here.” Crutchie reached over and took Jack’s hand.

Jack tried to keep the scowl on his face, but it didn’t stay for long once he looked at Crutchies hopeful expression. “Okay, okay fine.” Crutchie beamed at Jack as he rolled his eyes. “Go on with your story, C. Just try not to break us too much. Can you at least tell us why we’re still awake so late at night?”

The stars seemed to sparkle with amusement. Jack didn’t even notice that Crutchie had sat back down over the ledge, his legs dangling off while looking into the empty streets below. Jack looked down at the brown haired boy, wondering-

“Woah, hang on. Since when was Crutchies hair brown?” Jack interrupted. “It’s blond. And when the sun shines on it, it’s like the sun is kissing it. It’s beautiful. Not brown. That’s my hair, dark and dirty and gross. Crutchie has the best hair in the world.” Jack placed his hand on Crutchies shoulder, causing Crutchie to look over at him. “Crutchie is the best in the world.” He whispered, looking into Crutchies eyes deeply.

“Jack, you’re getting sappy.” Crutchie looked up. “I think she’s just basing me off Andy Richardson in this story.”

“And who is she basing me off of? I got four options who all have the same hair color. There’s no other way to describe me.” He complained, making Crutchie chuckle.

“Just let her tell the story. Maybe this one will be happy?”

“You gazing out into the night sky at two in the morning can’t be happy.”

“Shush! Let her write it!”

Jack sighed heavily, looking down at his brother. “Okay, but you feeling okay? You haven’t slept in a few days.”

“I’m fine, Jack.” Crutchie pulled his legs up to his chest. “Really. I just can’t sleep.”

“I know. But you need sleep.” Jack sat down next to Crutchie.

“I’m so tired, Jack. But every time I close my eyes, I see that awful place and suddenly I’m wide awake again because I can’t go back there.”

“You won’t, I promise you won’t ever go back there. I know how awful it is, and I won’t let anything like that happen to you again. Never. I refuse to let it happen. Hear me?”

“You can’t promise that.”

“Well, not if C keeps writing these stories. Then no. I can’t promise it. I’d like to promise it; but that’s not possible, knowing the way she writes.”

“Jack, why are you focusing on the negative here?” Crutchie tried to reach out and take his hand.

Jack shook his head, and pulled his hand away, standing up. “Because that’s what 90% of her stories are! For some reason she rips us apart-”

“But only to bring us together again, closer than before.”

“But at what price, Crutch? I’m terrified that one of these days she’s gonna write something that will keep us apart from each other, and I can’t take that right now. Crutch, I just… I can’t bear the through of loosing you, not again!”

“You won’t loose me, Jack.”

“But I already did once. When you died… I fell apart. I couldn’t sleep or eat or breathe… and I can’t take that again.”

“She’s not gonna make me die again, Jack. That was a one time thing when she needed to put her emotions on you.”

“Oh yeah, because I deserve all this?”

“Jack, stop. She’s going through a hard time in her life right now. Maybe she just likes seeing us overcome struggle? Maybe she wants to tell herself that if we can do it, she can too.”

“I… maybe.” Jack seemed to take this idea in a new way. He almost half smiled. “So we’re helping her build her self confidence?”

“Maybe not that, but seeing her work through her problems while writing dozens of story’s all the time makes me proud of her. And it’s interesting to figure out how she’s feeling with the story’s content.”

“Oh yeah? Give me some examples then.” Jack sighed heavily.

“If you come sit back down by me I would. Im still exhausted and maybe if we can finish this story quick enough I can sleep. But we can’t finish until you agree to.”

“If you can give me examples, then I will let her finish the story without interrupting.” Jack promised, sitting back down.

Crutchie curled into his side. “Well. There was that one she wrote about when I was in the hospital because I fell out of a tree?”

Jack snorted. ��Yeah. That one wasn’t really realistic.”

“It doesn’t matter, Jack. She wrote it because she was sick of a certain rule that was set for her own safety, but she didn’t want to ignore the rule because she knew she could get hurt herself. And writing that story reminded her how she could get hurt and how disappointed everyone would be in her.”

“Okay, well that’s one out of hundreds of them.” Jack unconsciously examined Crutchies arm, just to make sure it wasn’t broken.

“And one of my least favorites is one of my favorites because of the story behind it.” Crutchie continued, as he played with Jack’s fingers. “The one where you kinda turned to the dark side and were a jerk to me… i lived in the hospital, and you told me you would pay me 500 bucks if I walked across the city to your apartment. I did it because I needed the money to pay my hospital bill and stay alive. And when I did you laughed in my face and-”

“Yes, I would like to not remember that whole story, thank you.” Jack grumbled. “I hated that. I hated what I did to you. How could writing that possible help her with anything?”

“Because she might have had a best friend turn on her, and she felt completely alone and vilified by the world. She didn’t know what else to do, and didn’t like the ending she got. So she gave us the same situation, but with a happier ending.”

“She had a friend who really did that to her?”

“Well her friend might have not made her walk across the city, but they could have made her feel stupid and useless and unloved.”

“Oh.” Jack leaned his head on Crutchies shoulder, then decided to just reposition and lie his head in Crutchies lap. “That’s horrible.”

“Aren’t you glad she chose us to help put her feelings into words?” Crutchie began to run his hands through Jack’s hair.

“I wouldn’t say glad because I hated every word that came out of my mouth, but yeah, I guess. But I still need another example.”

“You’re needy, Jack.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Jack replied. His eyes were closed, and he was just feeling the wonderful sensation of Crutchie playing with his hair.

“Remember that story about us going out west and meeting her at the restaurant where she works?” Crutchie asked quietly. He was exhausted. But he couldn’t go to sleep, even if he wanted to. Playing with Jack’s hair helped a lot though, knowing that Jack was real, and not the refuge. Not anymore.

Jack scowled. “The one where you got lost for three days?”

“Hey, that one wasn’t that bad.”

“Crutchie I was worried sick about you! I couldn’t eat or sleep, I didn’t know if I would ever find you again!”

“But you did, Jack. And we’re okay again.”

“And what was the point of that one anyway, huh?” Jack sat up, much to Crutchies dismay. “She loose a friend once and found ‘em a few days later?”

“She’s lonely Jack. You could tell when she first started talking to us when we came in. She just wants a friend.”

“She’s got plenty of friends.” Jack scoffed. “Em and Kayde and Ammon and Joey-”

“And how long has it been since she’s seen those friends in real life?” Crutchie interrupted. “Most of her friends she’s never even met in person! And the friend she does know in person, what was it, thanksgiving when she last saw Ammon? She thrives on physical contact, and when there’s no one around you feel comfortable with-it’s draining. You of all people should know this Mister Jack can’t take my hands off anyone for a second Kelly.”

Jack didn’t say anything in reply, for the first time actually understanding and realizing.

“I was her friend. She could open up to me. She felt comfortable and happy for the first time in months.”

“Yeah you two were partying while I was sick with worry. Why do I always get the lousy end of the deal?” Jack pressed his thumbs on the bridge of his nose.

“You don’t. You just take it worse then me.”

Jack only grumbled in reply.

“Can we move on with the story now?”

“You’re always so positive about this.” Jack shook his head.

“No. I’m just saying all this to make her happy so she can write me sleeping.”

“Maybe you can ask her nicely?” Jack suggested, pulling Crutchie against him.

“Yeah…” Crutchie yawned and leaned against Jack, feeling warm and safe.

“Just breathe and remember I’m right here.” Jacks soothing voice came in, and Crutchie felt overwhelmed with a happy feeling and when his eyes slipped closed, he didn’t dream about the refuge.

#newsies #newsies fic #jackcrutchie #my writing

50 notes · View notes

pikapepikachuu · 5 years

Text

How Josh Wakely landed the Beatles, Dylan, Motown and more

Could I please have a knife and fork, he asks the waiter as we take our seats in Mr Wong, a bustling, upscale modern Chinese restaurant in a converted warehouse in Sydneys CBD. Even as the words are leaving his lips, he knows theres a good chance theyll end up in print. I knew the risk I was taking, he says. He pulled the same stunt on his first date with the woman who was to become his wife. Shes a human rights lawyer and I was a semi-employed screenwriter and I went for the knife and fork. And how did it turn out? I got a second date, but it still burns her, he says. At least it wasnt a spoon. Wakely is quite happy to tell stories against himself. Hes proud of what he has achieved that his success allows him to order the spectacularly good salt-and-pepper Balmain bugs at this restaurant whenever hes in town, for instance and he has ambitions to achieve a lot more. But as a boy from Newcastle, he also knows it doesnt do to get ideas too far above your station. His parents were, comparatively speaking, quite posh his mother was a social worker, his father a teacher but the town in which he was raised was dominated in every sense by the steel plant, at least until it closed in 2000. Everyone was employed in BHP and then everyone wasnt, he says. It was a very working-class world and thats still the world I feel most comfortable in. And yet the one thing I could do was write, though I didnt really know what to do with that.

The salt and pepper Balmain bugs are a highlight.Credit:Louise Kennerley He lasted just five weeks in an arts-law degree at Newcastle Uni his brush with torts was cut short when he rocked up to class dripping from the surf, only to have his tutor tell him, I dont think youll be a lawyer before decamping to Sydney with dreams of making it as a writer. Some good reviews for his 2002 play Woomera in which he also starred as a young detention-centre guard helped earn him a place at the Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts, even though acting wasnt his primary interest. So I rang up the head of WAAPA and said, Ill come to your drama school, but I want to be a writer and director, he recalls, laughing at his own chutzpah. He says Im the only person whos ever rung up and negotiated. The tyro writer did all the acting and dancing expected of him even though he wasnt particularly good at it. Then he would go home and write for four or five hours, every night. By the time he left he had enough work under his belt to convince a series of producers to pay him to write screenplays none of which ever made it to production, he says, because they were just too ambitious for Australian budgets.

Beat Bugs marries the songs of the Beatles with computer-animated critters.Credit:Netflix Thats why his credits pre-Netflix are, to put it mildly, rather thin. But if he was guilty of thinking too big back then, Wakely has zero regrets. There is great power in being wildly naive, he says. Unquestionably, though, his most pie-in-the-sky idea was to go after the rights to the Beatles catalogue with an eye to turning their songs into an animated childrens series.

The bill, pleaseCredit:Karl Quinn Beat Bugs has recently produced its third season for Netflix, won him a screenwriting Emmy, and spawned three albums of Beatles covers by the likes of Sia, Pink, Rod Stewart and The Shins. Next year, a live version is set for an 80-city tour of the US and Canada. It's fair to say it's been a hit. But for a long time after Wakely and his wife moved to Los Angeles about a decade ago, it was just another wildly ambitious plan seemingly destined to go nowhere. One day, Wakelys worried father-in-law, visiting from Australia, tapped on the door of the garage where he wrote and asked what his back-up plan was if he didnt manage to land the Beatles rights. Ive got a good idea for Bob Dylan, came the reply. His father-in-law closed the door, shook his head in despair and walked away. Now I look back on it, he was the sane one, Wakely says. I was insane. When he finally got a chance to put his idea to Sony/ATV, which holds the publishing rights, Wakely rocked up with a demo recorded for $200 by his old mate Daniel Johns in one hand and a pitch document hed put together at a local printing shop in the other. The meeting didnt go well. For some reason, he was made to stand on a cushion, and its very hard to keep your status on a cushion. Then one of the executives fell asleep while Wakely was talking. Worst of all, when he hit play on the stereo it didnt work. And I just remember thinking, I am f---ed. It could have been a fatal blow, but as I left one of the guys there said, Hello, Goodbye would be a good song for children. That was enough. For Sony/ATV, the appeal of Beat Bugs lay in exposing the music to a generation that might otherwise never hear it. It refreshes their catalogues, it keeps them pertinent and present, Wakely says. If you refresh it, it stays in the culture. Presumably there was the small matter of a significant sum being handed over too? To be clear, I think the Beatles were fine without me, he says. I dont think it was ever about the cash. They made the cash long ago. Once he had the rights, everyone wanted to talk to Josh Wakely. In the weeks after, it was all expensive cars coming to take me to meetings at Disney and Dreamworks, he says. But while being feted was nice, he realised that if he signed with one of the majors hed get the bungalow and the credit but he wouldnt be making the show himself. So instead he went with Netflix and the Seven Network in Australia. I came back to Sydney to set up an animation company, which was its own epic journey. It was as hard, really, as securing the Beatles rights. Wakely is a restless spirit, though, and long before the first season was in the can he was onto the next thing. I kept saying to them, You know when I get the Beatles rights then Ill ask for Motown, because that will be electrifying for children. They just thought that was part of my stand-up act. And then Beat Bugs had success and I went back and reminded them. [embedded content] He landed the Dylan catalogue too he even spent a couple of hours in the presence of the great man, an experience he describes as sacred and Universal has given him access to its entire repertoire as he looks for ways to tell stories about the songs, or the stories behind the songs. Because that, really, is his thing. For now at least. When he got the go-ahead to do Beat Bugs, he says, Id never directed a frame of animation and Id only written one childrens script. But I get how music works with storytelling and I took a lot of confidence out of that. Now his slate also includes projects with Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam, and a project called 27, based on the mythical age at which so many rock stars have died. What if one of them survived, and you get this alternative history, he says. You can watch it linear or you can watch it interactive.

The dining room in this converted warehouse is buzzing.Credit:Louise Kennerley Despite his success with Beat Bugs and Motown Magic, Wakelys main interest is in adult-oriented drama and comedy. He wants his company, Grace, to develop into a fully fledged production house, ideally based in Australia. The creative talent is here, he says. Its just a question of whether the resources and infrastructure are here and if youd get the blessing [from the studios in LA] to do it here. Theres no knowing how much of this he will be able to bring to fruition, of course. But on the evidence to date, youd be mad to rule out the possibility that he might just pull it off. At any rate, all he can do is ask for the chance to try. The odd power I take into those rooms is a sense that I shouldnt be there anyway, the kid from Newcastle says. So what have I got to lose? Follow the author on Facebook at karlquinnjournalist and on twitter @karlkwin Karl is a senior entertainment writer at The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. Most Viewed in Entertainment Loading https://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/how-josh-wakely-landed-the-beatles-dylan-motown-and-more-20190408-p51c3z.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed

0 notes

seagganglol-blog · 7 years

Text

HYUNGWONHO FANFIC *** HOME

All his life, Hyungwon was bullied in school. He was called ugly, fat, weird, gay, every possible insult you could think of. He was completely and utterly broken. He saw no point in life, and he didn't want to continue living it. Every day was another day of suffering and pain. Hyungwon cuts himself to relieve himself of the pain, but even then, he still hurts. Hyungwons parents aren't aware of his condition, they have neglected him since he could feed and provide for himself. That's how Hyungwon ended up sitting in a small, plain room, ready to be questioned. A fairly tall, round eggish man walked into the room and closed the door gently behind him. "Dr Phil, nice to meet you Hyangwang" Dr Phil smiled politely at hyungwon, showing his bright straight teeth. "It's hyungwon" he muttered in response. "Oh I'm sorry hyungwon...how are you feeling?" Hyungwon stayed quiet, avoiding all eye contact. Dr Phil sighed and placed his paperwork down on the desk, sitting down on the chair across from hyungwon. "I understand you aren't very happy to be here, but you have to try to communicate with me. I can't help you if you don't let me." Dr Phil stretched his hand out and placed it gently on Hyungwons. Hyungwon abruptly looked up from his lap and flinched at the sudden contact. He quickly moved his hand away. "I don't want nor do I need your help." Hyungwon stood up. He made his way to the door, it was locked. "Hyungwon...you can't leave until your appointment is over" dr Phil raised his arm, signaling for Hyungwon to come back. Hyungwon trotted over back to his seat and slummed down on his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "Tell me how you have been lately, son." Dr Phil looked into hyungwons eyes, his green-blue orbs piercing through hyungwons dark, lifeless eyes. Hyungwon looked down again. "Hyungwon..." dr Phil cooed. Hyungwon lifted his head up and stared at dr Phil, but he wasn't really staring at him, he was looking straight through him. This concerned Dr Phil. "How am I supposed to explain that I hate my life and everything in it? How do I simply tell you that I feel no emotions, that I'm dead inside? How do I say that I want to die without looking like a freak?" Hyungwon spoke, harshly. dr Phil began, "I get it hyungwon-" he was cut off. "No you don't get it, you never will and you never have. Nobody understands me and nobody wants to understand me or even try to. You live a perfect life don't you? You have a family that cares about you and you have all the money you could ever ask for." He paused. "Tell me, how does it feel to live off of the thoughts of crazy people? You make money by making us tell you how we feel, you give us some bullshit about trying to better ourselves, give us a drug prescription, and send us on our way." Dr Phil was in shock, hyungwon was right. "You don't even care to see where we end up, we could kill ourselves the second we walk out of your room, and you wouldn't give a shit. Because your job is done, isn't it? Your job isn't done until us freaks are sane again." Hyungwon took a deep breath, "listen, I just want to leave and frankly, this is a waste of my time." Dr Phil stood up and slammed his hands on the table, scaring hyungwon, "why does a suicidal kid even care about their time being wasted? Isn't your time being alive a waste already?" Dr Phil yelled back at Hyungwon. Hyungwon stayed silent. "Let me help you. I have the ability to do that. So you just stay quiet until I ask you to speak, got it?" Hyungwon nodded, suddenly feeling attracted to such dominance. Dr Phil got close to his face, feeling the tension in the air. "So tell me now Hyungwon, how.are.you.feeling?" He moved his face closer to hyungwon, being centimeters apart. "Safe..." Hyungwons words melted into dr phils lips as he was engulfed in a hard, passionate kiss. Dr phils lips moved in harmony with Hyungwons. He sucked hyungwons bottom lip passionately. Hyungwon was surprised, but he felt good. For once, he felt an emotion: Lust. Their tongues swirled around, taking no breaks. Hyungwon reached his hand around the back of dr phils head, caressing his bald skin and deepening their kiss. Dr Phil let out a slight moan, turning Hyungwon on immediately. He was ready to take things a step further. Hyungwon softly pushed Dr Phils chest away from his own, looking into his eyes, asking for permission to go further. Dr phils eyes darkened and he growled, pushing Hyungwon onto the table. His hands roamed all over hyungwons frail body as he kissed down his neck, making hyungwon tremble. Dr Phil trailed his hand over hyungwons crotch briefly, making Hyungwon wince. His erection grew to its max, to the point in which it hurt. Dr Phil took notice in this, he desperately slid the pants down hyungwons long and slender legs. His hands slowly caressed hyungwons smooth thighs, gradually going further towards his bulge. Dr Phil brought his hand to hyungwons package, stroking it through the fabric of his underwear. Hyungwon bucked his hips forward uncontrollably, wanting more. Dr Phil held Hyungwon down, "tsk tsk tsk" dr Phil flicked at hyungwons dick. "Patience is the first step to recovering from whatever it is you're going through right now baby" Dr Phil placed a gentle kiss on hyungwons dick. Hyungwon moaned. "P-please" he whimpered. "Beg for it" Dr Phil whispered in Hyungwons ear, his voice rasping. "Please daddy" hyungwon screamed out in pleasure as Dr phils mouth was already suddenly on Hyungwons dick. The warm wet feeling of the inside of Dr Phils mouth drove Hyungwon crazy. His length throbbed, pre-cum dropped down his shaft, into Dr Phils mouth. Dr Phil bobbed his head rhythmically on Hyungwons dick, grasping onto the base of it. Hyungwons member twitched and flooded dr phils mouth with cum, to which he happy swallowed. Hyungwon was gasping for air, it was the most amazing thing he's ever felt. Dr Phil got up from his knees and grabbed onto Hyungwons shirt, lifting him up slightly. "Bend over" he demanded. Hyungwons eyes widened, he wasn't expecting for this to happen. Honestly, he didn't want it to go this far. "Actually...I think I'll go now. My appointment is over" Hyungwon whispered, feeling ashamed of what just happened. "The fun just started cutie" Dr Phil pinned hyungwon against the wall, his ass sticking out. "No please. Please stop it" Hyungwon choked out, tears streaming down his face. Dr Phil grunted as he pierced through Hyugwons tight, virgin hole. Hyungwon screamed in pain. "PLEASE LET GO OF ME, PLEASE STOP IT I DONT WANT THIS" Hyungwon screamed out, his face wet from tears. He tried to move but he was pinned, he was stuck. Moment later, Hyungwon passed out from the intense pain. He woke up an hour later in a moving vehicle. Everything sounded blurred to him, it took a moment for his hearing to adjust. "Yeah, Dr Phil said he's a serious case, it's not safe for him to NOT be in an asylum" Hyungwon flung his body up. Asylum? He was raped and now he's being sent an asylum? Hyungwon cleared his voice, letting the drivers know he was conscious. "Rise and shine Hyungwon, boy have we got a surprise for you." The man in the passenger seat chuckled. For some reason, these dudes have always been douches. "No please, you don't understand. I shouldn't be here" hyungwon attempted to move to the front of the van, but failed. He was strapped to the seat. He struggled to move, so he gave up. "Dr Phil raped me, please, I'm begging you get me out of here." The nurse guys roared in laughter. "This kid is hilarious! Dr Phil was right, he is delusional!" The one in the passenger seat slapped his knee and was practically crying of laughter. Hyungwon wore a blank expression on his face. This is it. Nobody believed him. He was being sent to an asylum because they refused to take him seriously. Sure hyungwon was depressed and suicidal, but he wasn't insane. Or at least not insane to the standards of being put in an asylum. He let himself fall asleep again, too shocked to want to think about his situation at the moment. Minutes later, they arrived at the destination. Hyungwon was grabbed harshly and thrown out of the van. The men helped him up and they walked into the dark, old and scary building. Hyungwon was manhandled, he was shoved picked up, poked with needles, he was basically a science experiment. Finally it all stopped, but in reality, this was just the beginning. Hyungwon was placed in a cell. He slowly walked in and took in the sight of another boy around his age, sitting on the edge of his bed, looking down at his lap. Hyungwon sat on the other bed and began to cry, the tears streamed down his face, sending rivers onto his shirt. The other boy looked up from his lap and stared a hyungwon. He got up and approached him. "What happened to you?" The boy, who's blonde, blue-tipped hair, draped over his eyes, asked. Hyungwon looked up, his eyes red and puffy, "it's a long story." The mysterious, sightless boy held his hand out, "im wonho". Hyungwon took his hand, it was cold and shaky. "...Hyungwon" he replied, grabbing a firmer grip on to Wonhos hand. They awkwardly stood there, just staring at each other. Wonho began to speak, "I um, killed a guy." There was a long silence. "Would you like to kill me?" Hyungwon joked, chuckling softly to himself. Wonho examined Hyungwons face, in a way, he cold tell Hyungwon wasn't just playing around. "How'd you do it?" Hyungwon asked him, being the curious being that he is. A tear dripped down wonhos beautiful face and he covered his eyes with his hands, which haven't stopped shaking. "You don't have to talk about it" hyungwon said, attempting to make wonho feel better. "No, it's okay, from the looks of it, we'll be together for a while." Wonho wiped his eyes. "Well you see...I'm- I was...- a stripper. I had a brand new client. He was what you could consider "special." Well I sort of went a bit too rough on him, he crushed under me and...died." Wonho spoke his words very spaced out. Hyungwon stayed quiet. He put his hand on Wonhos shoulder in a comforting way. Wonho broke out in tears, almost falling to his knees. Hyungwon caught him and held him in a hug. He too started crying. They stood there for a good 10 minutes, just crying and hugging each other. They were interrupted by a guard slamming on the door, "that's enough ladies!" He yelled and walked away. Wonho and Hyungwon let go of each other, and that's how the start of their friendship came to be. Wonho looked deeply into Hyungwons eyes, "how about you? Why are you here?" Hyungwon felt a sharp shock when he was reminded of what happened to him, suddenly feeling pain on his bosom. "You know Dr Phil?" Hyungwon asked Wonho, to which he replied to with a nod. "He tried to have sex with me but I didn't want to. He did it anyway. Next thing I know, I wake up in a van on its way here." Wonho was clearly surprised, but he believed Hyungwon. "Wow...thats...horrible" Wonho spoke softly. Hyungwon stopped himself from crying. "Not as horrible as what happened to you, that is scarring." wonho furrowed his eyebrows, "your situation is scaring too. Don't ever let yourself think that what happened isn't important. You need to have a voice Hyungwon.." Wonho spoke a bit harsher than he was before. "Who's going to believe that THE dr. Phil raped me? Nobody believes it." Hyungwon fired back. "I believe it, Hyungwon. I trust you" Wonho took a step closer to Hyungwon, "Do you trust me?" Wonho spoke, his words as smooth as silk, sending shivers down Hyungwons spine. "I do." He spoke out. Wonho smiled softly and went back to his bed and sat at the edge. "We should get to bed now, it's late." Moments later, all the lights in the asylums rooms were shut off. Leaving Hyungwon to stand in complete darkness. He felt his way to his bed and laid on it. He tried to process everything, wishing it was a dream. But at the same time, he wished it wasn't. Because for the first time in his life, he had someone he could call his friend. Morning came, but it was way too early, as in 4 AM. Hyungwon was awaken by grunting noises coming from wonhos side of the room. Hyungwon could already imagine what he could possibly be doing, and he was a tad bit disturbed. Although he was in an uncomfortable situation, he really wanted to see what was going on. He slowly turned around to face Wonho and breathed out a sigh of relief. He was just doing push-ups. Then it sunk in...he was doing push-ups. Wonhos smooth skin glistened with sweat as the dim sunset light hit his shirtless body. His muscles contracted with every movement, the visual was truly a blessing. Hyungwon was in awe of Wonho. He was so manly, and his body was very manly as well. Wonho stopped doing his push-ups and quickly shot his head in Hyungwons direction, catching Hyungwon staring at him. Hyungwon immediately looked away, blushing slightly. Wonho chuckled, "I saw you Hyungwon" he got up from the floor and stretched his arms, exposing his built abs, which weren't visible from push-up position. Hyungwon took a few seconds to take in the sight. Wonhos body looked so carefully crafted, it was majestic. Hyungwon licked his lips and his eyes met with Wonhos, "you woke me up." He bluntly stated and threw himself back on the bed. "I was just doing push-ups" wonho shrugged his shoulders "Don't see how that would wake you up...unless...you thought i was doing something else?" Wonho raised his brows seductively. Hyungwon grabbed his pillow and plastered it on his face, attempting to hide his shame. Wonho laughed, "Sorry if I disappointed you, but if you ever want to hear the real deal, you know where I sleep" Wonho shot a smile at Hyungwon and then giggled quite childishly. Hyungwon rolled his eyes at that smart remark and began to speak, "Do you wake up at this time everyday?" To be fair, it was extremely early and Hyungwon doubts he can adjust to that kind of schedule. Wonho nodded, "yup, the earlier I wake up, the more I get to live in the day" Hyungwon found that stupid. "Well I don't want to live more in the day, I just want to sleep" he scolded Wonho. Wonho again felt some sort of tension. He-still shirtless- walked over to hyungwons bed and sat down in it. Hyungwon scooted as close to the wall as he can, too afraid to make direct contact with him. "Hyungwon...do you mind if I ask why you visited Dr Phil in the first place?" Hyungwon sat up in his bed and faced Wonho. "My school had set up an appointment. My parents aren't exactly easily accessible, so they took matters into their own hands." Wonho was puzzled for a moment, "matters?" Hyungwon so casually stated, as if it were nothing, "I tried to kill myself on the schools rooftop." Wonhos mouth gaped, he engulfed Hyungwon in a tight bear hug, barely letting the skinny being breathe. When he finally let go Hyungwon said "what was that for?" Wonho gave a gentle smile and gripped onto Hyungwons shoulder, "for going through so much, and still being one of the strongest guys I've ever known." Hyungwon was seriously confused at this point. Wonho believed Hyungwon was strong for surviving through everything, for fighting even after he tried to commit suicide, for being placed in an insane asylum and still be "sane". "I was starting to develop feelings for that client. I never even learned his name" wonho began, "but I guess it was just a momentary thing. I feel horrible that I took his life, but I'm okay with the way things are right now. In fact, I feel like it was fate." Wonho laid himself in Hyungwons bed, he turned to face Hyugwon and propped himself up with his arm. "I think meeting you was fate" He smiled sheepishly, showing off the cute side that Hyungwon hasn't seen. Hyungwon choked on his words a bit, "o-oh...yeah" wonho moved himself closer to Hyungwon, who was still sitting up, "Why so shy all of a sudden?" Wonho knew exactly the kind of effect he was having on Hyungwon. "I uh, I appreciate your words." It's all Hyungwon could say. Wonho sighed. "Call me stupid, but I think l may be attracted to you." Wonho fluttered his eyelashes. "You're stupid." Hyungwon flatly stated, making Wonho frown. "You can't like me if you barely know me, and you certainly can't like someone as hideous as myself...especially not when you're so..." Hyungwon spoke his words softly and tiredly. "So what?" Wonho asked, knowing where Hyungwon was getting at. "Hot" hyungwon responded. This pleased Wonho. "You should get back to sleep Hyungwon, you look like a mess right now" Wonho got up from the bed and walked over to his, but hyungwon was already knocked out. Wonho smiled to himself and stared at the ceiling. "although I know nothing about what's happened to him throughout his life, I feel like I know everything about it," wonho thought to himself, "is it normal for me to feel this way about him? I don't even know his surname." Wonho whispered to himself, before he drifted off into slumber, thinking about this new boy in his life. A couple of hours later, a loud siren blasted through the halls of the asylum, waking everyone up and gaining the lazy groans of their awakening. Hyungwon and Wonho jumped up from the loud sound, Hyungwon falling to the floor. Wonho quickly got up from his bed and scrambled across the room to help Hyungwon up. "Thanks" hyungwon whispered, feeling shy. Wonho just smiled in return. He realized he was still holding onto Hyungwons hands but he didn't want to let go. He slowly leaned in, inching closer to hyungwons face. Hyungwon did a fake cough and turned away from Wonho. "I'm going to go take a shower" Hyungwon grabbed a towel and left the room. Wonho brought his arms over his head, sighing. He was about to kiss Hyungwon. He didn't even realize what he was doing. ~ Hyungwon walked into the shared shower room. At this time of the morning, nobody cared to bathed, so he was alone. He undressed himself and headed for the shower to the back of the room, "just to be safe. " A few minutes later someone else came in. Hyungwon shrugged it off, he had to share a bathroom with the whole building, he couldn't get picky now. Except, the footsteps got louder. The man, one Hyungwon has never seen before, took the shower right next to him. Hyungwon decided that was his cue to leave. He turned the shower off and reached for his towel. His hand was caught by this man. The man pinned Hyungwon to the wall. "Where do you think you're going, baby?" Hyungwons immediate response was to scream. The man covered his mouth and flipped him over. No, not again, hyungwon thought. His eyes filled with tears. The man grasped and slapped Hyungwons butt cheeks, laughing. Hyungwon kept crying. A moment later, Wonho came running in. He swung for the man harassing Hyungwon, hitting him in the jaw. The man fell to the floor. "What the fuck man?" The man yelled to Wonho. Wonho ignored him and grabbed Hyungwon arm, pulling him away. They stopped at the sink. Wonho took a moment to take in Hyungwons nude body. Hyungwon gasped and realized that he was still naked, he covered himself. Wonho grabbed Hyungwon a towel and placed it dangerously low on his hips. "There" he smiled at Hyungwon. Wonho brought his hand up to wipe Hyungwons tears, "you're safe, princess" Hyungwon felt a pang of shock at the pet name, to be honest, he liked it. Wonho dressed Hyungwon, too afraid to leave him alone. He noticed that Hyungwon is seriously irresistible to men. His innocent, frail look drove guys crazy, Wonho included. But something else about Hyungwon drove Wonho crazy. He was broken. Wonho wanted to fix him, he wanted to show him what love is. What REAL love is, nothing forced. Wonho thought all this while he just stared at Hyungwons face. He snapped out of it and grabbed Hyungwons hand, leading him back to their room. "Thank you" Hyungwon finally spoke, tears threatening his eyes. "Hey, don't cry" wonho spoke softly, "I've got you" he hugged Hyungwon. Wonho looked back into Hyungwons eyes, "I'm sorry for this morni-" he was interrupted by Hyungwons lips crashing into his. Wonho was taken by surprise, but he didn't stop Hyungwon. He pulled him in closer, squeezing his sides. They kissed very simply. No tongue, no sexual tension. Just nice and simple. Yet, it was the best kiss either of them had ever had. EPILOGUE 5 years later, the doors of the asylum opened. The day was bright and warm. The sun was shining, there was very little wind. Out of the door, stepped Wonho and Hyungwon, both of them holding on to each other's hands. The second they stepped out they turned to face each other and smiled. They finally had their freedom. Wonho squeezed Hyungwons hand. They walked towards the cab waiting in front of them. They had been through a lot together, but they survived, and they were happy. They got in the cab and let their stuff down. "Where to?" The driver asked them. "Home." Wonho replied. THE END.

#ft dr Phil #monsta x #mx #hyungwonho #hyungwon #wonho #kpop

2 notes · View notes

ts-nightingaleislands · 4 years

Text

Episode #1- “I AM ONE OF THE TWO OLD LADIES OF THIS SEASON AND I’M ONLY 29!!”- Gwen

Here is what I wanna say before the game even starts: I want to be the villain of this season. I wanna piss people off, stab people in the back, and do whatever I can to ruin other people's games. In all honesty, I don't really care about winning or not, as long as I have fun while doing it. The goal is to be like Russel Hantz or Tyson. I picked Tommy as my icon for the irony, because everyone else will associate me with his kindness before I stab them in the back.

I'm looking forward to this game! So glad it's with a bunch of newbies, I was worried it'd end up being a half and half deal and that's the format I've been completely fucked over by in the past, so fingers crossed without jinxing myself I can thrive here! I'll do a proper cast assessment of my tribe in the morning when I've spoken to more people and gotten a better feel for them, but I already love Gwen and she's definitely somebody I can see myself working with. I need to rewatch the introductions as well since there's so many videos.. obviously missed the memo about that myself oops!

feeling really good on day one so far. the tribe seem great and im already keeping my eye out for a few i wanna work with . we wil just see what happens after the immunity challenge .

I don’t even know yet. Kinda hard to judge who is friends with who. i’m supposed to ge your tawni for my idol thing but that’s not gonna happen bc she’s the only one i KNOW

Sweet fishsticks on ice, what a night! I talked to everyone on the tribe and they are awesome! My goal is to use today to try and get to know everyone more and make them comfortable. I'd say ai definitely do vibe with a few people, namely Gwen, AnnMarie, Rizo, and Liam but I like to keep my options like the oceans- open

Something funny took place! I talked to Gwen who said she wanted to work with essentially me, Rizo, AnnMarie, Sara, and Liam. No more than 2-3 minutes after, Rizo messages me with more sorta the same proposal. Dont get me wrong I am for this, but I will say it was pretty telling to me of the ones I may have to keep my eyes on!

Marooning Night: Everything’s looking solid so far. Tribe seems to be shaping up nicely and I’m making some good connections with people. Hopefully we can be competitive in challenges. I’ve connected with AnnMarie through band, Sara through zwooper, Rizo through sports, and Tim right off the bat through not mowing what we were doing :) I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to Kyle yet, but from his video I gleaned that we are both big husker fans and that we were both at the Nebraska Iowa game, so there should be a good connection there. There is one thing that makes me a little nervous though. I looked through the cast reveal and I am the youngest person on the cast. I know that’s doomed the game of some survivor players, and I’m not sure how much that will affect this game. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Well I love everyone. So friendly! I have a lot in common with everyone and it's so exciting. I enjoyed meeting everyone, but the game part of the game came quickly behind. It seems that a group is developing with me, rizo, liam, chris, and gwen. I'm glad that Ive already been pulled into a group, it makes me feel comfortable. But I have to be careful. It is only the first round. I'm worried about my inactivity and that affecting challenges. I gotta wakeup at 5 am for school, so going to bed at midnight may not be the best. Hopefully no one notices.

Morning Day 1: What the hell. You’ve got to be kidding me. This sucks. Why does this have to be the twist in my first season. We have to get THREE players voted out of the game before we can get an idol, and then if we keep playing them right we can get up to three straight. We got our target list, and of course, I got AnnMarie, Tim and Sara. Three of the people I’ve connected with the most and wanted to work with. And now, in order to have a chance at the first idol(s), all three of them have to be voted out. I don’t think I’m going to try for that idol very hard, at least not until we get new target lists, cause I want to work with those people.

youtube

Right now I could see three possibilities for first boot. Cheatham and Zach haven't been that active, and then Will just makes me feel so uncomfortable that I sort of want to vote him out right now. But not in a "hey lets throw the challenge to vote him out" way bc he won't be playing so it might be unfair based solely on that. Austin is cool but a little inactive so far, he seems decidedly average. Tawny hasn't spoken to me yet :( but still she spoke a lot in our call so if I were to target her based off that it could only end poorly. Noah is cool, I get the feeling he is going to overplay tremendously, so maybe I'd like to have him as my number one. Amy and Dylan are great as well, and I would also love to work with them if I can. Ideal alliance so far would be me, Amy, Austin, Dylan, Noah so far. But only if I'm not the guy who organizes it singlehandedly

What’s on my right now is that I am very comfortable with where I am in the game, I have already made connections with a few people and I am very confident I will be staying in this game for a while. To talk about this twist let me quote Debbie and say “AND IM PISSED” I can’t even do this twist because I’m working with somebody on my list and I don’t want them gone.

What’s on my mind is that The Cock Destroyer alliance will hopefully run the tribe, my main objective is to not get the weak people gone first since I wanna drag them alone like a sack of meet so one of my main targets for now is Dylan because I’m gonna be honest I don’t trust the guy and he gotta go, PERIOD!

Noah/Amy/Dylan/Zach/me alliance sounds fun lets do it Will/Austin/Tawni all have decent connections just not with me Cheatham is looking like a first boot candidate rn bc no one's mentioning him as someone they like, so hopefully I'll be ok for at least one tribal if we lose the challenge

Holy guacamole, I went from feeling like we were Hopeless in Seattle to being D2 the Mighty Ducks. Being able to find the right door first is a huge relief but I have to gio my hat off to my entire tribe because we make a great team and Gwen rocked this!

So it's been less than 24 hours and I've spoken to everyone. Right now, I just want to get everyone to like me because that will make them want to work with me. My targets are Will, Dylan and Cheatham. Right now, I just want to isolate them, or form a majority alliance without them, because that will make my game much easier.

Uh oh. Since I have high school I wasn't able to be active all day for this (kinda confusing) challenge. I'm really hoping that this isn't going to put too big of a target on my back. My target right now is Dylan. He's one of my targets, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of his, judging by the fact that he never responded to me when I said I wanted to work with him.

Alliance time! I just made an alliance with everyone except the 3 on my target list. This is exactly how I planned. I think I redeemed myself after not really doing much in the challenge, and I'm already playing harder than the others. The fact that I created the alliance will make the people in it feel good too because now they will think I really trust them. Anyway, if all goes to plan we can eliminate one of my three targets (Cheatham, Will, Dylan) and slowly get each of them out until I get my idol.

youtube

So the alliance is me, Will, Vincent, Amy, Austin and Tawni. I got Amy to give one of the other three as a name so I didn't have to seem too vocal, and she said Cheatham which makes me home that he is gone first. But unless plans change, I'll have 1/3 targets gone, leaving Will and Dylan as my next 2 to go. I'm sorry, but this is just lining up way too easily for me.

I am so happy we won! Man talk about comeback! I think this is going to help push stuff in the right directions for sure! Rizo and I may have a pair going on but we're talking about creating a 4some (me, him, Gwen, and Sara) and maybe that can lead to a majority chat with the others. I do know I want to keep my options open without forgetting the opportunities that will soon be closed

I’m a little pissed off, so my plan was to get rid of Dylan but my so called alliance memebers are like DONT VOTEEEE DYLANNNWNWNWN, because Zach decided to think he was being clever by trying to make an alliance which excluded me but little does his tiny brain know that his ass is grass and he’s going to be waddling out of tribal. Noah said why do I wanna make big moves round 1 and simply I just wanted Dylan out because I have a big feeling he’s untrustworthy PERIOD.

I feel like as it’s the first round I’ll do a little mini tribe assessment. cheatham - only one I know coming into this so obviously gonna stick with him. Noah - he’s more cracked than the love child of JJ and Keaton Dylan - seems like cool people. I enjoy a fellow Texan Vincent - who? Amy - sweet gal Will - I enjoy the accent Austin - I also enjoy the accent. I feel at home. Hate the name. It’s my ex’s name. Both of them Back to Noah - also hate the name. Name of a fuck boy from earlier this year. Zach - WHO!? Apparently cause I was like who am I forgetting. Apparently Zach. Ok but wtf is up with the “Solid Six” tf??? Making an alliance out of panic maybe? Also....cheatham thinking calling Noah sane makes it true or something??? Like honestly wtf is even going on. Like what is this fucking twist? What what that challenge and WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT ON THE FIRST VOTE JUST GET THE PERSON WHO DIDNT CONTRIBUTE TO THE CHALLENGE (so I’ve been told. Let’s be real here I still don’t understand it and I just consented my life and first born away) AND MOVE THE FUCK ON AND WIN THE NEXT ONE PLEASE BECAUSE THEY ARE A BUNCH OF PARANOID FREAKS! Hi I’m tawni and welcome to stonerverse. I’m sorry I wrote that but I’m keeping it in here.

ok so we lost despite my best efforts >:( (i like writing cfs bc skype won't turn my emojis ugly here, the fact that I can read them more easily post-season is merely a bonus) The consensus is to vote out Zach, because he is easily the least active. He was the last person to really show up, still barely talked to anyone (aside from me apparently), and didn't contribute to the challenge at all. Now, I firmly believe that out of everyone in the game, Zach trusts me the most. So in a way, it would be beneficial to keep him. However, doing that would unfortunately sever my ties with other potential allies who are more likely to be useful to me, such as Noah or Austin. I did briefly try to campaign for Will leaving, and I am very sure that I could pull off a 5-4 blindside with Zach, Dylan, Noah, and maybe Amy, but that would be quite messy. Austin and Cheatham are set on the Zach train, and I have 0 relationship with Tawni, so going for those votes is unrealistic. And to be honest, the whole thing doesn't necessarily paint me in the best light, and it puts me in the spotlight I want to avoid right now. Amy - she's a good ally so far and i like talking to her, and it doesn't even seem like she's that active which doesn't make her as dangerous as some of the other players on this tribe. definitely someone worth raising hell to save. Austin - he's cool, we're together, he's active, but he's impossible to read. i cant tell if hes going to be a major flop or a major threat, this guy is going to be fun to play with, and i am 95% sure that if i'm voted out, he'll have had something to do with it. Cheatham - he's certainly an interesting character. he is quite active, which will serve him well, but i'm not feeling as if he's going to be a top contender. Dylan - he's one of my favourite people to talk to, but i've heard several people mentioning him as someone they like, so I'll need to make sure that I don't under-estimate him. Noah - I said a few hours in (in my thread) that Noah would be an amazing ally, and so far it's looking like he's my number one. I haven't lied to him at all (even by omission), and I hope we can keep this up right until I take him out at the final 5 >:) (lmao i'm not merging why should i be planning my endgame) Tawni - declaring right now she is the most dangerous player on my tribe. would be a great vote if will/zach weren't on my tribe and if she wasn't so well-connected otherwise. Will - he isn't talking to me anymore, out of everyone in the tribe he would help my game the least. also, we'd had a bit of a weird conversation earlier which I really didn't like so idk if I'd be ok working with him. Zach - voted out, no one can have an idol so i won't be 1-0'd

um, my tribe is really cool. I like everyone, hopefully we win more

Who knew these ORGs could be so fun? Probably everyone reading this. But seriously, I am having a blast so far. Ok, so a few things before I get to my thoughts on my tribemates: 1. Before reading on, be aware that anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt. I apologize for my dry sense of humor and my ego in advance. 2. I AM ONE OF THE TWO OLD LADIES OF THIS SEASON AND I’M ONLY 29!! 3. You should know that I am very competitive. And I like to be in control. It is going to be really hard for me to take my foot off the gas pedal sometimes! I cannot tell you how difficult it was to leave my tribe for an hour and a half this morning for a meeting for work and have them continue the immunity challenge without me. I put together a spreadsheet and updated it as we took our turns. I was also the one to dictate our moves most of the time. The hosts were very particular about the format of our moves, down to the spaces and punctuation. I did not want anyone to send an incorrect response without me checking it first. But when I had to go into a work meeting, I had to let it go. They were successful without me (after my extensive and thorough coaching of course). They appear to be capable human beings (insert laughing emoji here). 4. One thing that I am not telling the rest of the castaways is the exact nature of my job. Luckily, my official job title is “Case Manager,” so I can get away with seeming way less awesome than I actually am. They know that I work with kids with autism. But what I am leaving out is that I supervise ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) programs. I am planning to sit for my board certification exam next year. (Fingers crossed!!) I develop and monitor behavior intervention programs, as well as train staff and caregivers in how to implement the principles of ABA. Yes, my job involves analyzing and modifying the behavior of kids with autism, but behavior is behavior regardless of about whom you are talking. The basic principles of behavior still apply…defining, predicting, and ultimately modifying the behavior of others through manipulation of environmental variables that either reinforce or punish specific behaviors. I could go into more, but I won’t now. Maybe in some future confessional I will give some specific examples. Look at me applying my work to my “personal life” 5. I am in one “official” alliance, meaning we have a separate group chat – it is called the Sunt Pack. It consists of Rizo, Sara, and me. We are all Sam Hunt fans, hence the “Sunt Pack.” The following points are about my fellow tribemates. I’m glad I waited until today to share my opinions, because they have definitely changed since we competed in the immunity challenge! 6. AnnMarie – Very sweet high school girl. I am in an unofficial alliance with her and Sara that Sara doesn’t know about yet called “CP” – Clarinet Pride. (EDIT – she knows about it now because I just made a group chat) AnnMarie currently plays clarinet in her school band and Sara and I played clarinet when we were in school. My only concern about AnnMarie is that she can’t have her phone on her during the school day. We were able to work around it in the challenge today, but I don’t know how this will affect future challenges; however, it might be beneficial later on when the game is individual. For now, I am trying to be a “mother” type figure to her…giving her advice about after graduating high school. I feel that we have bonded over this. 7. Chris – Awesome guy! He is in the unofficial majority alliance (that I hope is the only majority alliance haha) with AnnMarie, Liam, Sara, and Rizo. We’ve had some cool chats. I think we would get along well in real life. 8. Liam – The Dom to my Colin. Very cool chap. Wicked conversation – had a very riveting discussion about how accounting and philosophy majors are so similar. Clearly. But seriously. In the unofficial majority alliance. 9. Sara – my fellow OLD LADY. We have a lot in common because we are about the same age, and we graduated high school the same year. We also both like country music. Seemed kind of quiet when we did a group audio/video chat. SARA IS ON MY LIST OF PEOPLE TO GET OUT. As much as I love a fellow Grandma, I will figure out how to get her out of the game, if not by my hands directly. In the unofficial majority alliance. 10. Kyle – He was the last person that I talked to. I definitely had the wrong impression of him before our audio/video chat during the challenge. Seems like a pretty chill dude. Plus he has lots of adorable pets. But, HE IS ALSO ON MY LIST OF PEOPLE TO GET OUT! He seems pretty savy, so might not be the worst move near the end of the pre-merge. 11. Steven – Not much to say – haven’t talked to him very much in individual chat. Seems nice enough. I need to get to know him better, but HE IS ALSO ON MY LIST. So, whatevs. (In all seriousness though, I’m sure he is lovely and I would love to get to know him!!!!) 12. Rizo – My brother from another mother! Puns puns puns across the board! Dad jokes FTW. Need I say more? I need to make this gentleman my ride or die. And then slay him in the finals. Then be BFFs after. In the unofficial majority alliance. 13. Tim – He was another one that I think I was wrong about. I make one incorrect Harry Potter reference, trying to be all smart…BUT I think we bonded over the challenge. In the audio/video chat, we nerded out over our Survivor fandom and strategy for the challenge. So I may have been wrong about him. 14. Okay, this is long. Is that normal? I have no idea. I’m new to this. I am SO THANKFUL to now be a part of this community. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to be able to make a reference to a past season and have other people actually know what I am talking about. That’s all for now!

Coming into this game I honestly expected to know a few people..or have at least seen them around but I didn't (with the exception of Tawni but I don't know her well). I love that. When you start fresh, nobody can judge you based off previous experience. Observing and picking up things about strangers is literally one of the most fun aspects of games to me. I got the best vibes at the very beginning from Rizo/Gwen/Liam and also Tim...but could tell right from the get go that Gwen is a THREAT! Women's intuition. The comp just confirmed it further. I pray to the Survivor gods that others aren't blinded and realize this! I could tell before any alliance was even made that she was close with Chris too and probably closer with Rizo then I am. Being in 3 different alliances with her is inch resting. She's playing hard and to win! But anywayyyyys..had we lost, I figured Steven might be an easy first boot because he was just rather quiet and kept to himself...but then he SHOWED UP at the end of that comp and finally started initiating Convo with me and not the other way around. So when we lose..whos an easy vote? Idk. Pretty sure the answer is nobody! And then there's Kyle.... I didn't really give him a second thought until we went on group call and then played in the comp. He's just so chill and laid back and those are the people I like working with. I don't like pushy players and I don't like sheep and he's neither of those so I'm hoping that we can stick together for a long while. He's also fun to hassle so. Yeah um...this confessional is getting really long so I'll stop ranting for a while...though I have plenty to say. *Giggle*

so zach thinks he has a solid six alliance but....that's not gonna happen sweetie. he is such a easy target and one of the three on my list so ya gotta go. :)

youtube

Zach LITERally went to everyone in the house day 1 and asked to work with them after 2 words to eachother. Since i wasn’t buying it, we made an alliance called Solid Six 😳🤢 and he wants me out. Newsflash bitch, i made and alliance and everyone wants HIM out. The Sanes Ones about to win the season. I knew Tawni before this. Noah is a little crackhead-y but I think he is loyal to me. Dylan is such a sweetheart and i love him. And Amy... well... she plays pokemon?ANYWAYS, can’t wait for my first survivor tribal EVER

Going into tribal tonight I have no worries at all, I’m sitting comfortable in The Cock Destroyers alliance and we will be running the game until a tribe swap or until we merge. To the elimination tonight I don’t really want Zach to go since in my eyes he’s Gypsy Rose aka helpless in this game. Something else I’ve noticed there is a lot of gay guys on this tribe and I have one thing to say Only One Faggot Will Win and that me 😘

We are about to head in to tribal and honestly, there hasn't been much gameplay going on. I am voting for Cheatham because he is one of my three targets, and he hasn't spoken a single word to me about working with me. Of course there is a chance that I am just oblivious to everyone else and that I am going home, but I really hope that's not the case.

youtube

8 votes Zach, 1 vote Cheatham.

#announcement

0 notes

caredogstips · 7 years

Text

David Bowie: “the mens” who thrilled “the worlds”

From glam to neo-soul to his mysterious final album, David Bowie remained one pace onward throughout a prophetic vocation that pushed sex and social boundaries. Alexis Petridis honours a bright enigma

When David Bowies final book, Blackstar, was exhausted on 8 January, a great deal of energy was expended trying to unpick the melodics. As on its precede, 2013 s The Next Day, or any number of classic Bowie albums from Hunky Dory to Station to Station, they were frequently dense and allusive: a great deal of attention concentrates on the claim racetrack, which one of Blackstars backing musicians, saxophonist Donny McCaslin, claimed was about the rise of Isis, a suggestion Bowies spokesperson subsequently denied. Now, with the insight that Bowie was terminally ill during its building, the most striking concept about the book is how elegiac it routinely sounds. If I never see the English evergreens Im guiding to, its good-for-nothing to me, he sang on Dollar Days. Supposing no, but symbolizing yes, this is all I ever symbolized, thats the word that I transmitted, led the closing I Cant Give Everything Away. Most apprehension of all is Lazarus: Seem at me, Im in heaven. Ive went scars that cant see now, Ive get drama cant be stolen; everybody knows me now.

Most parties is of the view that Lazarus was written from the point of view of Thomas Newton, the alien Bowie showed in Nicolas Roegs The Man Who Fell to Earth: it was the deed line of an off-Broadway musical based on the 1976 cinema. Now it feels suspiciously like Bowie writing his own elegy, asserting his own glory, immense aesthetic importance and inimitability for decades, other artists tried to mimic David Bowie, but none of them were really anything like him while wryly pointing out that, after practically 50 years in the spotlight, hed somehow managed to retain a sense of whodunit.

Something unknowable hidden at the centre David Bowie at Hammersmith Odeon in 1973. Picture: Ilpo Musto/ Rex Features

Dozens of works have been written about him, some of them tremendously illuminating, but something unknowable lurked at the centre. Almost from the start, Bowies career raised questions to which a definite answer seemed elusive. If he was, as he aloud claimed in 1971, lesbian, then what was the is being dealt with the very visible bride and the son hed merely written a stroking little song about? If he was, as he dramatically announced from the stage of the Hammersmith Odeon in July 1973, withdrawing either from music, or from live execution, or from the character of Ziggy Stardust then what was he doing back onstage in London three months later, belting out The Jean Genie in full Ziggy drag? How does anyone in the nation Bowie was, by all reports, in by 1975 ruined by cocaine to the point where he seemed to have genuinely extended crazed; paranoid and fantasizing make an book like Station to Station: not a messily compelling certificate of a mind unravelling, like the solo album of his great idol Syd Barrett, but a occupation of precision and focus and exquisitely limited supremacy thats arguably his best? In a world-wide of cameraphones and social media, how could anyone as famed as Bowie vanish from public view as entirely as he seemed to between 2008 and 2013: moreover, how could anyone as famous as Bowie record a comeback album in the middle of Manhattan without anyone notice or leaking details to the media? How does anyone stage-manage their own extinction as dramatically as Bowie appears to have done: secreting their most acclaimed book in decades, fitted with strange, mysterious hymns whose making unexpectedly pulls into focus when their writer croaks 2 days later?

It was a spectacular end to a profession that began inauspiciously. Bowie wasted the 60 s trying to fit in with prevalent tendencies, something to which he was uniquely ill-suited: he didnt make for a atrociously convincing blues-influenced rocknroller, or hippy troubadour, or MOR singer-songwriter, just as two decades later, he wouldnt make for a abysmally persuading mainstream stadium-rock ace, trapped in what he subsequently called the netherworld of commercial-grade following.

Tellingly, the first truly enormous sung he wrote focused on the outsider: registered at the height of Swinging London, 1966 s The London Boys offered up the periods pessimistic flipside, a monochrome drama of poverty, amphetamine psychosis, grimy bedsits and coffeehouse. Even when he ultimately had a strike, with 1969 s Space Oddity, his success seemed far from ensure. For all the hymns eerie greatnes, the public clearly thought of it as a originality preserve, capitalising on the moon arrives: they declined to buy its follow-up, The Prettiest Star, or the accompanying eponymous book. All along, however, Bowie was picking up ideas he would subsequently pull into focus. His then-manager Ken Pitt established him to the Velvet Underground, whose bia, avant-garde inclinations and transgressive subject matter would resound throughout Bowies career: you are able to discover echoes of their tumultuous resound in everything from the feedback-laden glam boulder of 1973 s Aladdin Sane to the wilfully synthetic racket he created up on 1977 s Heroes to the sonic hubbub of Blackstars Tis a Pity She Was a Whore. He tried to incorporate what hed learned studying pantomime under Lindsay Kemp into his stage behave, which knocked off a fruitful infatuation with describing plans from other areas of the arts movies, theater, literature, fad into rock music.

As the 70 s dawned, he found the perfect musical foil in guitarist Mick Ronson and his songwriting went better and better 1971 s Hunky Dory was as rich and brilliant a accumulation of chants as he ever wrote but almost no one noticed. The closest Hunky Dory came to commercial success was when Oh! You Pretty Events built No 12, kindnes of a jaunty, prim cover version by Peter Noone toothsome former frontman of the 60 s least-threatening wizards, Hermans Hermits which was clearly some distance from the seismic rupture Bowie had predicted on the books opening racetrack Changes: Ogle out, you rocknrollers!

How he made them discover was via one of “the worlds largest” bold plays in stone record. Infatuated with the Velvet Undergrounds world of lag queens and sneering, spiteful putdowns, Bowie seemed to realise that, for all the generation-gap-rendering sickens that British rock music had given over the predating decade, it had never truly dared touch on the subject of homosexuality. Beyond the thanks-but-no-thanks story of the Kinks Lola, there were only gazing comments, so oblique as to be the stuff of rumour rather than knowledge: Examine Your best friend, likewise by the Kinks, the Beatles Youve Got to Conceal Your Love Away, Donovans To Try for the Sun. Tellingly, the journalist to whom he came out as bisexual, Michael Watts, didnt seem to have been atrociously persuaded: Mmmmmm, he answered doubtfully, despite the fact that Bowie had already posed on the extend of 1970 s The Boy Who Sold the World wearing a men dress, and larded the melodics of The Width of a Circle and Queen Bitch with intimations of homosexual meetings.

It didnt matter. The interview depicted enough attention that the launching of his next album and its associate persona, Ziggy Stardust the latter debuted a fortnight eventually in the unpromising environs of the Toby Jug pub in Tolworth felt like an affair. The force was electrified farther by his appearance on Top of the Pops in July 1972, arguably “the worlds largest” celebrated three minutes of music video ever broadcast in the UK. Listen to a bootleg of Bowie performing live in Aylesbury the preceding year and he clangs nervous and uncertain; on Top of the Pops, he seemed imperious. Theres a contact of Lord Kitchener about the moment Bowie placed down the camera as he sang the line: I had to phone person so I picked on you. He looks like a person banking an horde of teenage misfits. No substance how strange and alien you experienced, you couldnt be as weird and alien as Bowie and his bandmates appeared: Youre not alone, gives people your hands, youre remarkable, he sang on the accompanying album.

It facilitated that Ziggy Stardust was the right evidence for the moment. The standard pipeline is that glam stone represented a diversion from the sadnes of early-7 0s life, a glittery space-age dreamworld in which you could conceal from rising unemployment, industrial unrest and terrorism. But The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars is riven with dread and repugnance, involved in what the columnist Francis Wheen afterward called the collective nervous breakdown of the 1970 s. Even at its most escapist, it underlined what you might be fleeing from: Joanie went to fight in Belfast, Judy stayed at home to deprive, opened the rocknroll fantasy of Star. As hour wore on and Bowie became an ever-more influential and dominant person capable of reactivating others careers at a blow his music get more dense and apocalyptic. By the time of 1974 s Diamond Dogs, it resounded so decadent and diseased and shocking that it was hard to work out where Bowie could possibly go next.

As it turned out, he was just getting started on a series of musical displacements so brilliantly executed they seemed to draw the rest of pop music along in their aftermath. If his early 70 s albums notified punk a genre heavily staffed by boys whod been galvanised by his 1972 Pinnacle of the Pops appearance then the plastic feeling and electronic experimentations of his late 70 s albums foretold a vast sum of what happened after punk. Fairly aside from his willingness to reinvent himself so dramatically, it seems a miracle his fans kept up it might as well have been a completely different creator, said one devotee who evidenced both the glammy, theatrical early years and the funk-inspired subsequently demoes of the 1974 tour that finally built him a star in America.

What was striking was how thoroughly Bowie could impose himself on different genres, how he had been able to take other peoples ideas and twist them until they seemed entirely his own. 1975 s Young Americans was entered at Sigma Sound, home of the yummy string-laden mind liberated on Philadelphia International, but it didnt sound like a Philly soul record. Preserved with Brian Eno, 1977 s Low and Heroes were obviously in thrall to the music of German experimentalists Kraftwerk and Neu !, but they didnt sound much like Kraftwerk or Neu !. They reverberated like David Bowie, even when they seemed nothing like David Bowie had entered before.

There was a lovely circularity about the liberation of 1980 s Scary Monsters( and Super Creeps) and its accompanying No 1 single, Ashes to Ashes, at the height of the New Romantic movement hed almost singlehandedly inspired: public confirmation that Bowie was the most important and influential artist since the Beatles. But the 80 s were to prove a more problematic decade than that suggested. His vocation in the 70 s had been scarred by bad business deals: formerly he was out of a contract with Tony DeFries that entitled his former manager to 16% of his earnings until 1982, Bowie seemed determined to make money. He succeeded 1983 s Serious Moonlight tour sold 2.6 m tickets but, as he subsequently admitted, his artistry sustained. Tells Dance released in 1983, and his biggest collision book with 7m sales had its moments. The subsequent fiscal year Tonight, nonetheless, did not.

The most important an influential master since the Beatles Bowie on stagecoach in Paris, 1987. Picture: Catherine Cabrol/ Kipa/ Corbis

By the activities of the decade resolve, Bowie seemed aware that something used to go amis. He tried to kickstart his muse: by wording a heavy rock-and-roll strip, Tin Machine; by announcing that he would no longer play old cloth in concert; by reconnecting with collaborators whod stimulation him on in the past, including Brian Eno and Mick Ronson; by dipping in the voguish dance genre of drumnbass. He rarely reached brilliant registers not least 1995 s impassable but reinforcing Outside but nothing accorded what hed achieved in the 70 s. Surely, by the mid-9 0s, his real innovations seemed to be happening away from the recording studio: he secreted a download-only single in 1996, nine years before iTunes. He cleared himself available to followers on the messageboard of his website, signalling the 360 -degree connectivity that artists are about to indulge in in the age of Twitter and Facebook, and which he himself shunned absolutely during the years before his death.

By the early noughties, he seemed to be settling into the life of a heritage rock ace: construct well-received albums that knowingly referenced his past, playing classic books in their entirety, seeming to tacitly declare both the scope of his influence and that his greatest achievements were behind him. Its a pragmatic approaching thats served everyone from Paul McCartney to Iggy Pop well, but it sat uneasily with Bowie. His music “ve never” wallowed in nostalgia. It had been iconoclastic and antagonistic towards the past( my brothers at home with his Beatles and his Stones what a draw, hed written on 1972 s All the Young Dudes ): it was about the present, or better still, the future. It was triggered by disaster surgery on a blocked artery, but his retirement into semi-retirement after 2003 s Reality made a strange various kinds of feel.

Most sees presumed it was permanent. Instead, he unexpectedly reappeared in 2013 with Where Are We Now ?. The song only appeared on the internet on his 66 th birthday, without advance advertisement or fanfare, its writer waning to give interviews: in its own practice, as brash a move as the interview he threw the Melody Maker in 1972. The precede album, The Next Day, wasnt thousands and thousands of miles removed from the books hed been attaining before his sabbatical solid songwriting, lots of remarks to Bowies past, but its follow-up was something else exclusively. On freeing, Blackstar reverberated singularly like the type of confident, decide break with his past Bowie remained diverting out at the high levels of his superpowers: the thrillingly exploratory jazz-influenced tone had as little to do with the music on The Next Day as the being of Young Americans had with the glam books that predated it. It clanged like a new beginning. As it turned out, “its been” the exact opposite: it was a departing, a mystify, filled with clues no one picked up on, that would suddenly be solved by his death. David Bowie used to go the way he spent most of his vocation: unknowable, one gradation ahead of everyone else.

Alexis Petridiss picking of Bowie

Theres no part in an attempt to make a definitive 20 song Bowie playlist. Theres over half a century of wildly diverse work there: it isnt going to be neatly summed up in 20 ballads without glaring omissions, whole the sectors of what he did left untouched. So this is an unashamedly personal collection, in chronological order.