#im so close to just smashing my phone and having a panic attack | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bnhavibes · 5 years

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sorry. Todoroki x Reader ANGST(trigger warnings apply)

TW: mentions of depressive episodes, suicidal ideation, self harm, and an attempt.

a/n: PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU WILL BE PUSHED OVER A LIMIT OF COMFORTABILITY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I LOVE YOU AND I AM HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.

“SOMEONE, PLEASE!! CALL AN AMBULANCE, THE FIREMEN OR POLICE” A shriek in the doemitory common room made Todoroki’s head snap up from the book he was studying.

Another typical day had passed, where Shoto had missed classes while he was healing from his injuries at the Hosu City incident. He huffed as he stood up, thinking it was a prank another student was pulling on the rest of them.

“You extras know we’re heroes in training, right?” Bakugou laughed, but stopped when he saw the student frantically grabbing the pay phone and quickly dialing.

“HELLO!? YES, THERES A STUDENT ON THE EDGE OF A WINDOW OF THE UA DORMITORIES!! I—I THINK SHES GOING TO JUMP—” The words ignited a click in Todoroki’s head. Immediately he started running to the staircase, ignoring the calls of the Dekusquad to wait for them.

“Who’s the student on the roof? Why hasn’t anybody gone up there!?” He could hear Tenya ask. But Shoto was already three flights up before he could hear the answer.

“It’s Y/N.”

————————————————————

Depression is a funny thing.

One day you’re aceing all the practice exams and cramming in four hour long study sessions, the next you’re.... on the floor of the girls lockerroom. Letting the blood that was oozing out of your tender thighs dilute in the hot shower. Your throat dry and scratchy from the stifled cries and heaving sobs now causing extreme discomfort. On days like today, nothing could go right.

You missed your morning alarm, and the three missed calls from Deku. He even texted Shoto that you weren’t in class, resulting in a visit from the injured boy. He was very concerned, but he kept saying he didn’t want to pester you if you were busy. And you couldn’t help but think you must have done something to him, hurt him in some way to make him feel like he was a pest.

‘You’re such a piece of shit friend. You can’t even tell your crush that he didn’t do this, YOU did’ You thought to yourself, edging the tears that were barely wobbling over the crevice of your eyelids. You let another ribbon of pain glide over your scarred, hidden skin, this time going over your ribcage.

It didn’t help that your quirk was Cell Manipulation. You would have been the perfect surgeon.

“If you weren’t such a fucking idiot.” You whispered to yourself, ripping another slice into your ribcage. After the water ran clear, you shut it off; Your mind was a fuzzy collision of seratonin fighting to break the barrier cells, and the depression fighting off your meds. You sniffled, wrapping your towel around your body and heading to your room. Fortunately for you, being on the fifth floor meant you got a whole floor of showers just for you today. There were only two other girls on this floor, Yaoyarozu and Asui, and they were in class. So were the boys, so you could be alone in the truest sense. The entire building was empty, save for Todoroki. He was probably in the lounge, you assumed so because his door was shut and there was no lights on when you passed by on your way to your own. The weight on your shoulders began to increase your symptoms, your feet getting heavier and heavier with each step.

As you entered your room you didn’t bother to turn the lights on; Your impending gloom liked to sulk in the darkness, letting it envelop you in a wicked, yet soft embrace. You let the towel fall off your body and tossed your bathing items on the ground, not caring how they made a mess. ‘Maybe some music will make me feel better.’ You think before chuckling a bit as the most depressing playlist you have started playing rather loudly through your speakers. You didn’t care though, you liked your kusic loud, and besides, there was two whole hours until training was over. Reluctantly, you slipped into a pair of boyshorts and your favorite camisole. It was teal, your favorite boy’s right eye color, and it helped you ease out of a full on panic attack for all but a moment when you realized you had forgotten there was a 300 point practice exam you had to turn in today as you tore through your backpack for your writing journal.

It was the last straw.

Frantically, you tore apart anything you could find. Notes, drawings, your pathetic drawings of your classmates, nothing was safe from the hyperventilating girl growling at her own procrastination. Once you saw your journal, you stopped, only to read the first page and begin to rip them all out. Tears streamed down your face as confessions to Shoto had begun to fill the pages. A few hit the pages, making you angrier. You kick and scream at your journal, throwing it as hard as you could at the back wall. But, with your luck, it smashed through the windowsill, glass shattering all over your carpeted floor.

“UUUUUUUUGRRRRRR!!! WHY DO I RUIN EVERYTHING I TOUCH!?” You scream out the window, at no one but yourself. You kick the rest of the glass off the frame, and tear the screen off before chucking it to the ground below. Your eyes fail to see the group of students arriving over the horizon on your left, focused on the space between you and the dirt the screen landed upon. Your heartbeat was loud, your ears ringing as you focused your attention on the edge of the windowsill, grabbing on the frame and slowly lifting a foot up on it. You were trembling, you could hear it in your breath, the music behind you setting you off.

Take me to the roof top.

I wanna see, the world when I stop...

breathing..... turning blue.

The saddening lyrics hit home, making you squeeze your eyes shut as you lifted yourself onto the ledge carefully. Your hands gripped the frame so tightly your knuckles turned white, your own body fighting for life more than your brain. You focused yourself on the words, singing lightly as you debated letting go, not hearing the panicked screams and cries from your classmates below.

Tell me love is endless.

Don’t be so pretentious.

They were panicking, collecting the torn pages of your journal and attempting to call you to your senses. You didn’t blame them, but they couldn’t help but plead and shout their own apologies for hurting you in any way.

They begged.

“Sorry cant save me now,” You sing, swaying forward, but jolting back a bit each time you got a little too close. “Sorry... I don’t know how—”

You were so sure, but your body refused to let you be so hasty.

————————————————

Taste me, the salty tears on my cheek

That’s what a year long headache

does to you....

The music echoed off the walls of hallway of your floor, the acoustics reverberated in the stairwell, and Todoroki pushed himself harder. He knew that playlist. He knew every time you played it, you were always crying in your room, refusing his help until he would bring you a very late dinner, which you would take silently, avoiding his gaze as he watched your tear stained face.

I’m not okay, I feel so scattered.

Don’t say I’m all that matters.

Leave... me.

Deja vu.

‘Please don’t be stupid.’ He thought to himself, yanking the door open, leaving Deku but a flight behind. (Iida and Uraraka decided to keep an eye on your from the outside.) He stormed down the hall, skidding as he got to your door before knocking.

“Hey, it’s Sh-Shoto.” He said, trying to talk over the music. “Open up, please.” You couldn’t hear him though, you had started screaming the lyrics with your entire chest.

Sorry can’t save me now

Sorry there’s no way out

but doooooown

Knocking became pounding, “(Y/N)! Open up, please!” He begged, beginning to overwork his emotions. He couldn’t handle losing you, not when he was just now recognizing his true feelings for you. His pounding turned into kicking, and attempts at knocking your door down with his body.

“Calllll my friends and tell them that I love them!” You screamed, now noticing the worried Ochako, “AND ILL MISS THEM.” Her protests were drowned out by approaching sirens. ‘Fuck,’ you thought. ‘I’ve only got a few seconds. It’s now or—’

Call my friends and tell them that I

love them.

“DETROIT SMAAAAAASHHH!” Izuku’s wail from the otherside of your door, and the loud CRASH! had you do a 180 on the ledge, gripping tightly as the impact made your entire door frame blow off, resulting in a gust of wind pushing you back. You blinked slowly as the dust settled and there he was.

“Sh-Shoto...” You whisper, the song reaching it’s last seconds.

And I’ll miss them. Sorry.

“(Y/N)...” He says.

Sorry...

“Don’t.” He warns as your fingers begin to lift off the edge.

“Sorry.” You sang the last note.

——————————————————————————

SUAOSHAOISHZHS I HAD TO DO IT IM SORRY I WAS LISTENING TO BILLIE EILISH WHILE I WAS ON MY FEELINGS AND I WAS LIKE OH WAIT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD ANGST💀💀💀💀💀

Let me know what you think, I’m sorry ahead of time if I made you cry.

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gigis-ff-blog · 4 years

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Hey might as well.

A Little Slice Dreams: The Meta Knights Play a Fun Game of Uno

What could go wrong? Those poor knights asked themselves this question as if nothing could.

But Everything. Everything could, will, would, and did absoluteley go wrong.

They sat around a giant round table in the lounge of the Halberd, soaring at least 200 feet above sea level. The night was cold, crisp, and dark. Sword, Blade, Captain Vul, and Sailor Dee sat on one end of the table. Across from them were the four main Meta knights: Axe, Javelin, Mace, and Trident.

Sailor and Mace were determined in their craft. It was down to one of them in their anxious, sweat driving game. The winner would receive a delectable frozen trophy. The looser would have to watch in tears as the winner took the glory.

It was down to two cards for each player. But it was Sailor's turn. The fee slammed down a turn skip card And gave a sickening grin at Javelin.

"No...NO!" Mace shivered in his seat.

Sailor started cackling as they held up their last remaining card.

"I hope you have good cards looser!" Shouted Sword, while Blade babbled in an incomprehensible accent, basicly stating the same thing.

"This is too much! I think im gonna drop dead!" Axe flailed around the table.

"I think you and Mace gonna have simultaneous strokes after this." Javelin said in their robotic tone.

Yeah your screwed, signed Trident.

"I'll be right back I'm gonna go get the reward for Sailor." Vul stated in an almost certain tone.

Sailor ceased their cackling and drew a deadly glare at Mace. As if their eyes shot daggers through Mace's soul.

"Uno..."

Sailor slammed a draw four on the table, prompting Mace to dramaticly scream "no" and cry, slamming his fists on the table.

"I-I was so c-c-close...WAAHHHH!"

"You challenged Sailor in uno. You knew what grave you were digging yourself into," Axe said, "and speaking of digging into things!"

Vul brought out Sailor's reward. An ice cream parfait stacked a mile high, dripping with fudge and marshmallow coating. The frozen Vanilla custard sat delicately above the hot brownies under it, and under that, the crunchy crumbs of canoli crust. Chocolate decoration perched itself on top of the display like a fine peice of jewelry. The reward was perfect in every way. Fitting for a satisfyingly sweet victory in an uno game.

Mace continued to cry as Vul handed Sailor the ice cream. As the glass was handed to them, Sailor's eyes lit up.

"Thank ye Captain!" They elongated every vowel in appreciation for their edible trophy.

"I'd say you earned it, 'Sir Uno champion Sailor Waddle Dee.'" Vul spoke to Sailor but looked at Mace as he continued to weap at his loss.

Blade and Sword cheared on Sailor as they scarfed down the whole desert like Kirby inhales a whole feast, while Tident, and Axe sighed in second hand defeat and consulted Mace as he sobbed. Javelin cheared on Sailor as well.

"WOOO! GO SAILOR!"

"H-H-Hey! Y-Your supposed to be rooting for m-m-me. Sniff."

"You didn't win."

As Sailor finished the dish. They realized they left the chocolate decorations for last. They thought that this would be such a great time to rub it in Mace's face that he lost with the chocolate.

"Hey Mace."

"H-huh?"

"Look."

Mace thought he knew what was going on. "YOU WERE THE NICE ONE DON'T TOURTURE ME LIKE THIS!"

"Here." Sailor gave the knight a chocolate decoration. "For you, because ye played good."

Mace's eyes lit up. "R-really?" He stifled a sniff. "For me?"

"Yeah. For you."

"Oh your too kind. I..."

As Mace took the chocolate, a hint of fear went into his eyes. The symbol on it sent a chill down his spine.

"Vul..."

"Yes Mace?"

"Which freezer did you get this ice cream out of."

"Why the one in the lounge of course"

"The mini blue freezer or the big silver freezer?"

"The mini blue one with all of bosses ice creEAAM OH SWEET NECRODEUS WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

Blade turned sharp to Vul and panicked, falling backwards into an incomprehensible blabber.

Sword shook. "THATS BOSS'S ICE CREAM FRIDGE!"

"You stole Meta Knight's ice cream?" Cried Javelin.

Trident signed an oh no in shaking paws.

"We're all gonna be dead by dawn in our stone graves! And the writings gonna say we died cold and chocolatey!" Axe shouted.

"He's gonna kill me the most I ate the damn thing!" Sailor squealed and almost started to cry. They sweated up a storm in their anxiety.

Vul attempted to be reassuring. "He will not kill us for one mess up." The captain wasn't to sure of this. "I'm sure everything is going to be-"

A door slammed open to reveal an enraged pair of golden-red eyes and a maskless, meta knight wearing them, and pink bunny slippers and a fluffy robe.

"Who..."

"Oh no."

"WHO!"

The shout sent echoes through the room. Cracks formed on the floors, walls and cealing. Some of them went tumbling into the hallway, others flew out of their seats. The glass that contained the ice cream hit the floor and shattered into a million pieces like a golden glass mirror.

Sword, like everyone else, was horrified of consequence. He jumped up on the table, cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled "SCATTER!" As though it were some kind of party with alcohol and the police just got there.

Everyone ran in different directions. Sword and Blade searched for hiding places, Mace and Javelin jumped to the ceiling. Trident and Axe tried to break a window so that they could fall into the orange watters below. Vul and Sailor darted into the hallways, not looking back to the flapping sounds that echoed through the battleship.

Sailor took a sharp left and shakingly pulled out a phone from their hat. They searched through their contacts to find people that could save them from whatever punishment they would face.

Kirby was unavailable, probably sleeping. Bandee was also probably sleeping. Or training at three am like an insane person for that smash bros invitation. Dedede was the only person that picked up. In the background you could hear some trash comedy in the most of a clear crunching of popcorn.

"Yo."

Sailor spoke in a hushed yet anxious tone. "Sir, ye gotta get over here and help I think we're gonna die!"

"Did you steal his ice cream?" A crunch was heard clearly.

"It was an accident we were just-"

Vul's scream came blasting through the halls.

Sailor had a mild panic attack. "OH SHIT! CAPTAIN!"

The phone dropped to the floor and rattled. Dedede, on his end, looked at the phone with utter confusion and hung up.

Vul was backed into a corner by the furious borb, spoon in one paw.

"Do you know how long it took me to make that? THREE DAYS!"

Vul took hold of a nearby pipe and found to it for dear life. Eyes wide fearing death.

"I was saving that for today specificly! I was going to watch Mama Mia!

"Oh God sir I'm sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't give me back my ice cream Vul!"

"WAIT!"

Sailor came running out of the halls and in front of Vul to protect him.

"It was an accident sir. We were just playin a game and he grabbed the wrong ice cream. Don't hurt em!"

"Why... would I hurt anyone...I'm just angry."

"You look like you're gonna f%#king kill someone!"

Vul stepped out of his "gripping onto the pole for dear life" position just to scold Sailor for swearing. "Hey! What did we talk about?"

"Oops. Sorry." They turned back to Meta Knight.

"I... apologise if I seem a little harsh. It's wrong to terrify someone in the middle of the night over something so minuscule." Meta knight held his paw out for Vul to shake."Is all forgiven?"

Vul was more than relieved. "Absoluteley sir!"

Meta knight looked at the bird andd produced a laugh, but in the middle of it they stated most seriously that "You owe me another bowl." This didn't ease the captain's fear.

"We still have the ice cream we didn't eat in oyur fridge," Sailor stated, "you can have that."

Meta Knight turned. "What flavor is it?"

"Vanilla with chocolate and marshmallow swirl."

"I'll take it...but..."

Sailor was confused. "But what?"

"Due to my outburst I would find it fair that I would have to earn the desert, rather than just taking it. Besides, I'm DVRing the movie so I can watch it later."

"Wait wait wait. Earn it how?" The captain let go of Meta's hand and looked down at the small, Kirby esque orb.

"I'm thinking...Uno?"

Sailor's eyes sparkled. "Now that's a chalanged! You're on!"

#kirby #waddle dee #Meta knight #the meta knights #king Dedede #let's see how this one goes #then I'll post the second chapter #please read and comment #feedback is always appreciated #hope yall like it #:)

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lindalevanimamm · 4 years

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Reality- Chapter 13

Tomorrow is the first RFA party that I organized. I had begun working on it a few weeks ago, it’s going to be a small party. It’s small mostly because the organization hasn’t gotten big yet, so we’re having to make new connections. I’m nervous about it. I worked really hard to get people to come, and planned it all, so I can only hope that it will be a success. Saeyoung has still been on edge about the agency being here, but nothing has happened. There’s been so sign of any of them. I’ve been doing my best to comfort him about it, but he can’t shake the feeling that something is going to happen. From what he’s told me, the agency is not good and they’ve caused him a lot of trauma. I’m trying to prepare for the party tomorrow, by relaxing.

I’m not good at it, but I’ve got the bath water going and face masks prepared. I turned the water off and threw in a bath bomb and bubbles. I then grabbed a face mask and applied it before getting in the water. It was warm, and nice. I turned on some music and listened. I quickly grew bored. How do girls just chill in a bath for so long? It was relaxing for a whole 5 minutes, but now I’m bored. Thankfully, I heard my phone go off from the other side of the bathroom. I carefully got up, and reached across for it, trying to stay in the bath. I got water absolutely everywhere, but I managed to grab my phone. Thank God this bathroom isn’t huge. I got comfortable and unlocked my phone.

Saeyoung: heyy are you ready for tomorrow?

(Y/N): I’m getting ready

Saeyoung: what does that mean?

(Y/N): it means I’m trying to relax by taking a bath, but I’m bored already

Saeyoung: *blushing emoji*

Saeyoung: so I probably shouldn’t hack into your phone to see you?

(Y/N): I will hurt you and never talk to you again perv

Saeyoung: I’m kidding!

Saeyoung: you doing a face mask and everything?

I sighed and took a selfie, making sure only my face showed. I’m not comfortable with that kind of stuff yet, but a selfie sure.

(Y/N): *selfie*

Saeyoung: aawww my little ghost

(Y/N): aww my stupid boyfriend who threatens to hack my phone when im in the bath

Saeyoung: :(

(Y/N): :)

(Y/N): what about you are you ready for tomorrow?

Saeyoung: im still nervous about the agency...I really thought that was my boss the other week

(Y/N): but both you and Saeran have looked into it again right?

Saeyoung: yeah…

(Y/N): and you both found nothing?

Saeeyoung: yes

(Y/N): then there’s nothing to worry about. You all would have found something, you’re both smarter than the agency

Saeyoung: yeah I guess

(Y/N): well I’m not guessing. I trust you. Nothing is going to happen. You’re the one that organized all of the security for the party, so it’ll be safe.

Saeyoung: I hope so

Saeyoung: how are you feeling about it?

(Y/N): I feel like everyone will be safe if that’s what you’re asking?

Saeyoung: well, yes, but also no. I mean are you nervous about how it’ll go?

(Y/N): Oh, yeah I’m super nervous about it. What if no one even shows up? I put a lot of work in it, and I don’t want it to be a flop

Saeyoung: well, if no one shows up then I guess the 7 of us will party alone

(Y/N): yeah…

Saeyoung: I’m sure it won’t be a flop, people will show up

(Y/N): thanks

(Y/N): well I’m going to get out of this bath and get ready for bed. Talk to you later?

Saeyoung: always

I got out of the bath and put a robe on, before letting the water drain. I took off the face mask and rinsed my face. I looked in the mirror and frowned. I really hope it turns out fine. I hope people come. I brushed my teeth and all that before leaving to go to my bedroom and changing into pajamas. I looked at my phone and noticed everyone was in a chatroom. I got on and talked to them all for a good hour. We talked about tomorrow. Everyone is excited for the party and is sure it’ll be a success. I still don’t know if it will be. I started to get a headache from looking at my phone for so long and thinking about tomorrow. I told everyone to have a goodnight before logging out of the chatroom. I got up and took a few painkillers for my headache before heading to sleep. Before I set my phone on my night stand I noticed Saeyoung had texted me once again.

Saeyoung: I’ll be there around 2 to pick you up okay?

Saeyoung: Don’t feel too nervous about tomorrow. Have a good night :)

(Y/N): thanks sae :). Goodnight.

I woke up with a massive headache. I groaned as I rolled over to check the time. I felt around my nightstand for my phone, but it wasn’t there. I opened my eyes and a wave of panic fell over me. Why am I here? What? I sat up and took in my surroundings. I was in my universe, not Saeyoung’s. I don’t understand, I didn’t go through the portal. What is happening? The party was supposed to be today, what do I do? I don’t have a phone, where is it? I quickly got out of the bed and looked for my phone. I had no luck. I guess only I came back to this universe. I felt a panic attack quickly approaching me. How am I here? Did something happen? Is Saeyoung okay? How do I contact them? What do I do? I curled up and cried. It was the first time I had cried in a while. After about half an hour, I calmed down and started thinking. What do I do first? I don’t have anyone I can call or anything here… the portal! I’ll just go back through the portal to their universe and then I can ask Saeyoung what is happening. I got up and then realized I was still in pajamas. I ran to my kitchen and took more painkillers. I don’t care how bad I feel, I need to get back. I then found some clothes and threw them on before grabbing my keys and leaving. I had left a wallet here with this universe’s currency, so I was able to get on the bus. I sat on the bus and anxiously waited for the stop. The portal was not close. My legs bounced and I worried. I avoided eye contact with people around me. I knew I probably looked like a mess. I somehow am back in this universe, and then I had a panic attack. My head is killing me and I didn’t bother with make up or anything, because I need to find out what’s happening, if everyone is okay. When the bus finally made it to the stop, I jumped up and practically ran to the apartment. I ran inside and to the door, before I remembered I didn’t know how to get in. The main lock was a code. I thought and tried every combination I could. I smiled when I tried my birthday and it unlocked. It somehow unlocked all of the crazy locks on the door. I know Saeyoung isn’t stupid enough to use the same code for each lock, so he must have programmed it to do this for me and this specific code. I opened the door and walked in. My stomach dropped. There used to be a huge portal in the middle of the living room, but now it was everywhere. It looked like someone had come in and smashed it to pieces. Parts of metal were sprinkled throughout the living room. I fell to my knees. Something happened. I can’t fix it. I can’t contact Saeyoung. Just when I was feeling better, this happened. I was hoping I’d come here and just walk back through the portal, but that’s not happening. I broke down completely. I don’t know how long I sat in that living room and sobbed. I was at a loss for what I should do. Eventually, I ran out of tears. My throat was sore, my body felt weak, and my head was pounding harder than it ever had. I feel like I just lost everything. I lost my friends, my new life, and my happiness. I can’t just sit here and give up, there has to be a way to contact Saeyoung again. I got up and left the apartment, there is nothing I can do to fix the portal, I have no idea how it all works. I got back on the bus and headed to my old apartment. Once there, I grabbed some money and left again.

I headed to the nearest store. I decided to head straight to the electronic section to buy a phone. My best bet at talking to everyone again, started with me getting a phone. I looked through the section and decided on one that wouldn’t destroy my bank account. I then walked through the store and grabbed a few groceries. I didn’t know how long I’d be back, but I’d need food. I need to pick up a few more clothes, and some essentials. I paid and quickly made it back to my apartment. I first decided to eat, because I was starving. I made a quick meal and ate quickly. I pulled out the phone and set it up. Now what? I downloaded the game, and opened it up. I began playing immediately. Nothing. This isn’t them, it’s just the game. What can I do? How can I let Saeyoung know it’s me? I have no idea what to do. I decided it was a long shot, but I went to the internet. I sat and read hundreds of thousands of articles and threads about alternate universes, but none of them helped. I’ll have to trust Saeyoung. He’ll look for me, right? But what if he doesn’t care enough to? He couldn’t like you… Stop. I got up and looked at the time. It was the first time I noticed what day it was. What? It’s Sunday? No, that means...the RFA party already happened. I must have been out for an entire day again when I came back. My whole body hurt, and I was tired of thinking. I have no idea what to do. What can I do? Maybe I’ll try figuring out how to fix the portal...yeah right, it’s not even worth me trying. I’ll never get it. For now I’ll just wait. I’ll stay here and keep playing the game, hoping Saeyoung will find a way. He will. I decided to just sleep for the night. It was still early, only like 6:30, but I was tired. I didn’t want to think any longer.

Saeyoung’s POV:

After getting ready I left the bunker to go pick up (Y/N). I left early because they hadn’t been answering my messages all morning. Maybe they just slept in, they still have a while until we need to be there. What if they’re sick? I drove as fast as I could to their apartment. Once there I knocked on the door and called out their name. They didn’t reply. (Y/N) had given me a key to use, so I unlocked their door and went in. I looked around and didn’t see them. I went to their bedroom and nothing. I started to get worried. Where is (Y/N)? I then noticed their phone was still on their nightstand. (Y/N) wouldn’t just leave their phone, something is wrong. I checked, and sure enough, they hadn’t read any of my messages. I immediately called Saeran. “Saeran?”

“Yeah what’s up? I thought you were getting (Y/N)?” Saeran answered.

“I am, well I was. Something is wrong. (Y/N) isn’t here, and their phone is here. They don’t go anywhere without it. Can you check the cameras?” I asked.

“Yeah give me a second…” I waited for a response. I bit my lip. Where are you? Are you okay? Did something happen? “Weird…” Saeran mumbled.

“What’s weird?” I asked.

“I’m watching now. They got home last night after work it seems, and then nothing. (Y/N) didn’t leave the apartment. From last night until when you got there, no one existed or entered the apartment...you sure (Y/N) isn’t there?”

“Positive. I checked every room. What happened? Did you check nearby cameras?” I asked, growing more concerned.

“Yes, just checked the last one. No sign of them… What’s going on? It’s not like (Y/N) to do anything like this, I thought they were happy,” Saeran drifted off.

“They were. I’m coming back, is something wrong with the portal?” I asked. There was a pause. I could hear Saeran get up from his office to head to the room the portal was in. I heard him stop, and then nothing. “Saeran? What’s going on?”

“The portal is gone,” he stated.

“What do you mean the portal is gone?” I asked, practically yelling.

“It’s just a metal circle, no portal. Something is wrong… I think….I think (Y/N) got sent back to their universe…” I hung up and ran to my car. My mind raced with worry. I have to get back. I don’t know how fast I was going, I’m extremely lucky I wasn’t pulled over is all I know. I ran into the bunker, for once annoyed that the security was so hard to get through. I ran downstairs to the portal. Saeran was there, already sitting with his computer out and running diagnostics. “Find anything?” I asked. He shook his head.

“No, something is off. It’s almost as if it just stopped working, but that doesn’t make sense… it’s almost like someone covered something up,” he replied. I grabbed a computer and sat down. I pulled up the codes and began to work. He was right, it looked as if it just stopped working, but it wouldn’t do that. I checked the math so many times so this wouldn’t happen. The two of us lost track of time, before we were interrupted by a phone call. I picked up my phone, it was Zen. “Yeah?” I answered.

“Saeyoung! What’s going on? Why aren’t you and (Y/N) here yet? Guests are going to start coming. Saeran hasn’t gotten here yet either,” Zen began.

“Listen,” I interrupted. “Don’t freak out, but I think (Y/N) is back in their universe.”

“What?!”

“Something is wrong. Sometime between this morning and last night, they got back. The portal is messed up, it’s too clean. Tell Jaehee, Jumin, and Yoosung we won’t be coming. Saeran and I are going to stay back and figure it out. (Y/N) would want you all to continue with the party,” I instructed him.

“Yeah, uh, okay. I’ll tell them. I hope they’re okay…” he paused. “Yeah okay, call me if you find anything okay?” Zen asked.

“I will, bye,” I hung up and immediately got back to work. The code is to clean for it to have just stopped working. (Y/N) is probably so confused and angry. I’m sorry. I’m coming. After another hour or so, I found something. A code that was not supposed to be there. It was a virus. Someone hacked into the portal and left a virus. The virus made the portal stop, made (Y/N) go back and then covered it up. It’s a damn smart virus. I informed Saeran and we worked to kill the virus. I then stumbled on a line of code and stopped breathing. “They did this…” I paused. “I knew it wasn’t nothing. The agency is trying to get back at me by sending (Y/N) back.” Saeran looked up.

“The agency did this?” he asked. I nodded. “What do they want?”

“They want me to work for them again, if I don’t they’re sending people to hurt (Y/N),” I answered.

“How can they do that if (Y/N) is in their universe?”

“They stole the code. They can make their own portal. We have to take them down and fast. Get this portal working again, I’m going to look for where the agency is hiding.” Hang on a little longer (Y/N), I’m coming. I don’t want to lose you.

#saeyoung choi x reader #saeyoung choi #707 #707 x reader #mystic messenger #fanfic

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bbrandy2002 · 4 years

Text

Wacky Drabble #18: The Turkey Drop

This is part of @emceesynonymroll weekly wacky drabbles.

Prompt: What if I dont see it

Im a day late on this one, wasn't sure if I even wanted to post it, but, here we are.

A/N: I can't take credit for the idea of this as it comes from an old show and I'm just recreating one of the Thanksgiving episodes from it, sort of.

Summary: The gang gathers together in Ramsford to celebrate Thanksgiving with the Beaumonts. Let's just say, all hell is gonna break loose.

Warning: Turkeys may be harmed but I'm choosing to defy reality and believe they are all okay. If you don't feel you can, this is the heads up not to read 🦃

I put a "read more" in every story, sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. Crossing my fingers.

**********

Riley has always respected the customs and traditions that have been carried down throughout Cordonian history. Being the American- born, Queen of Cordonia, she opted to celebrate this holiday during her first year of marriage, in private- just she, Liam, and their close friends. She didn't want the Cordonian people to ever feel that she was trying to "Americanize" their great country. Liam, however, loved the idea of having one day out of the year for reflection and giving thanks, as this was something even Cordonian's would appreciate.

It was during their second year of marital bliss, the King presented this idea to the Royal Council, where it was passed almost unanimously. Madeleine was the only dissenting vote, having nothing to be thankful for.

It was decided the third Thursday of every November would be designated, Thanksgiving, in Cordonia.

What you are about to read is the real and true account of how the Duchy of Ramsford chose to kick off thier first official Thanksgiving.

**********

The weather was chillier than normal that day for the typically warmer climate of the Mediterranean country. Ramsford citizens bundled in light coats, braving the elements, in anticipation of the first Thanksgiving festival hosted by their Duke and Duchess. As festival goers wafted through the rows of vendors who were preparing enticing delicacies synonymous of their homeland, purchasing turkey related memorabilia, and partaking in games often seen at these event, they eagerly awaited the appearance of their very popular royals.

Maxwell had insisted he be the one in charge of putting this shindig together, planning every single detail, even down to the location of each port a potty. Bertrand was all too happy to oblige, having no free time with a toddler and a brand new baby. The only request made- absolutely, under no circumstances, were those 'blasted, overly feathered, menaces' of his, to be in attendance. Well, of course not, Maxwell had another kind of bird in mind, ones that were more in the spirit of Thanksgiving, and he would make sure each family in Ramsford had one of their own.

Drake walked morosely behind Liam and Riley, who were busy greeting their adoring citizens with Bertrand and Savannah. He wasn't in a festive mood since being dumped a few days ago. It wasn't that he was in a serious relationship yet with the sexually oppressed American from Illinois, but, who she left him for....Neville.

"Ohhh Walker!"

Drake cringed at the unbearable voice calling out to him and he had no use for entertaining her today. He clutched the whiskey flask, a former fiancee had given him, preparing to drown out the incessant mockery that was sure to follow.

"So...", Olivia eyed him with a devilish grin and her signature raised brow "...enjoying the single life again?", she taunted.

He huffed, "at least I had an "again", what's your excuse?"

She cackled, "Touche". Her eyes roamed the surroundings as they continued to stroll along, her mood shifting with curiousity "where the hell is Maxwell, he's usually at every one of these goddamn things making a fool of himself".

Bertrand turned to the Duchess, having finished with the receiving line of guests, clearing his throat, "My brother is off preparing a surprise that will be the delight of all of Ramsford today".

Savannah looked at Bertrand adoringly, "That's right Bertie, we are giving away a free turkey to enjoy with their families this holiday season".

"That's very generous and kind of you both, I'm sure your people will be very grateful, especially those less fortunate", Liam nodded, clasping Bertrand approvingly on the shoulder.

Drake shook his head, "I still can't believe Maxwell put this whole thing on himself, I don't trust it", sipping the last remnants of his drink.

"Drake, don't be a hater. Besides, Maxwell has proved himself to be more than responsible and mature of late", Savannah defended.

"What if I don't see it?"

The group continued to enjoy the festivities and fanfare as the sun finally broke through the thickened clouds, shining a ray of warmth below. A group text message from Maxwell came through as each of them checked their phones simultaneously, telling them to look up.

Bertrand, Savannah, Liam, Riley, Drake and Olivia, each shielded their eyes from the bright sun as they looked toward the sky eagerly. The faint sound of a helicopter getting louder as it approached closer to their location. A crowd began to gather around them as Bertrand smiled on proudly.

Riley pointed up excitedly, "Look! It has a banner on the back of the helicopter".

"Happy...Thanksgiving...from the Beaumonts", Liam read aloud as the banner became clearer. Savannah and Bertrand acknowledged the ohh's and aww's of the crowd, who were enchanted by the extravagant display taking place 2000 feet above them.

"What the hell just came out it?", Drake squinted to get a better look, as a small object appeared to have fallen from the large chopper.

"I don't know, maybe its a skydiver...", Riley answered as she looked on in anticipation.

Olivia furrowed her brows, "I don't see a parachute yet... wait!...there's another one and a third".

"Those can't be skydivers...I just can't quite make out what they are though", a bewildered Liam replied before his eyes widened with realization,"OH MY GOD...THEY'RE TURKEYS!!"

The crowd began to scatter in panic as live turkeys came crashing down around them, most of them landing on the soft tarps vendors had set up. Brown and white feathers intermingling through the air as stunned turkeys flapped wildly in anger. Patrons pushing and shoving one another in desperate search for safety, running for their lives.

A stunned Bertrand, scrambled to calm the masses to no avail. Savannah cried out loudly, "Oh my god, the humanity!", after ducking under a table, pulling Bertrand down with her.

Bastien made every attempt to shield Liam and Riley, who clung protectively to one another, while dodging and weaving through crowds of fearful people, stray feathers and irate falling turkey's. They stopped only briefly as they passed a padre, recieved their last rites and hauled ass to a picnic shelter. As the helicopter circled the grounds to launch a second wave of birds, Liam hurridly scrambled to reach Maxwell to cease the unintended assault.

Drake took off running with Olivia hot on his heels. He banged relentlessly on the door of the nearest porta-a-potty where an older gentleman allowed a frantic Drake and Olivia to hide. Due to being unable to hold three grown people, Drake stood in the doorway, having just enough room to shield his head. Olivia peeked over his broad shoulders as the last of the fowl fell on a tent across from them. They stood in astonishment momentarily, unsure if it was safe to exit while screams and the jumbling shrill of turkeys reverberate off their metal enclosure.

The older gentleman with them, finally spoke out when something strange caught his eye, "what are they doing?", gesturing at the 15 or so gathered birds in front of them.

Drake scratched his head in thought, "I think the little bastards are...organizing"

"I've seen this before", Olivia replied surely, "they're strategizing... its basic battle tactics...they're planning a counter attack".

Drake motioned to the formation of incoming turkeys, questioningly, "You've seen this before?"

Olivia patted her clothing down and began pulling knifes from various hidden holsters underneath, a determined look sketched across her face. "People...birds...whats the difference, they're both full of shit. I'm a Nevrakis, damn it...I will not be turkied to death by these...disgusting chicken wanna be's...you with me or not, Walker?". She holds up a knife that barely misses his face as he stumbles backwards off the edge to avoid it.

Drake swipes the blade from her steady hand, his dark brown eyes filled with savagery, "Let's end these fuckers!".

2 hours later...Ramsford Memorial Hospital

"Drake, can you hear me?", a concerned Liam stood at the bedside of his lifelong friend, when Drake's eyes began to flutter open.

"Liam...wh...where am I?"

"You're in the hospital buddy, you've got a nasty concussion and a broken nose, but, the doctors had a head CT ordered and it didn't show any serious trauma or permanent damage...you will, however, have to stay here overnight for observation".

Drake glanced around the room, grimacing at the shooting pain from his throbbing, bandaged nose and the seering pressure behind his eyes. The overhead lights making his already blurry vision so much worse. He attempted to speak, but, his voice was hoarse and dry. Liam reached for a cup of water that sat on his bed tray and assisted him in drinking.

Drake licked his lips, "what happened? The last thing I remember was grabbing the knife from her", he nodded at Olivia, who was standing in amusement at the end of his bed, "why the hell am I'm so jacked up?".

Liam looked to Olivia, he, himself not entirely sure of the exact circumstamces for Drake's injuries, hoping she could shed light on the situation.

Olivia moved around the bed to stand next to Liam, an uncontained smiled slipping across her pale face, "It was a giant Turkey...smashed right into your face", she clapped her hands together loudly, "Smack!". A light chuckle escaped her as both men glared back with astonished expressions.

Several seconds of silence commenced as that information began to process.

"What?", Drake snapped.

Olivia explained that Maxwell must have had one turkey left because another one came barrelling out of no where, dropping like a stealth bomber, and crashing right into his face. Never one to mince words, she took the opportunity to let him know that his face looks better now that most of it is covered in bandages.

Liam took in a deep breath, "I'm going to take my leave now that I can see you are well. I told Bertrand I would attend the press conference with him...apparently, Maxwell thought turkey's could fly".

Drake rolled his eyes, mumbling to himself, "Responsible and mature, huh?", he looked back to Liam with a grateful smirk, "thanks Liam for being here".

Liam clapped Drake's arm, "No problem", he turned to Olivia as he made his way for the door, "you coming?".

"Yeah", Olivia grabbed her coat and clutch that were laying across one of the hospital chairs and followed Liam to the door. She hesitated before fully exiting, turning sharply on her stiletto heels. "You did...well out there today soldier".

"I got clobbered in the face by a fucking bird, Liv!", he shouted back, grabbing his nose in pain as his head jostled from his over-exaggerated retort.

"Even so...", she trailed, as a long pause followed, the silence nearly becoming awkward. A small hint of compassion crept through her strong features and Drake instantly recognized the change in her demeanor.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Walker".

"Happy Thanksgiving...Liv".

#the royal romance #wacky drabbles #liam x riley #drake walker #maxwell beaumont #thanksgiving #long post #wkrp in cincinnati #bbrandy2002

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wonderlustlucas · 6 years

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dancing through our house - kim yugyeom

⇢ prompt Feet don’t dance like they did with you.—“ghost of you” by 5 seconds of summer ⇢ pairing yugyeom x female reader ⇢ word count 2.5k ⇢ genre some fluff, but mainly heavy angst ⇢ warnings main character death; descriptions of anxiety & depression ⇢ summary In which some things are impossible to forget. ⇢ a/n this be hella sad i think i cried the whole time writing this. listen to the song for optimum sadness. my friend read this earlier and told me to quote what she said sooo: BUT LIKE EVEN THOUGH IT HITS YOU AT THE CORE AND YOUR LIKE WOW THIS IS SO GOOD YOUR ALSO LIKE FUCK THIS AUTHOR CAUSE WOW IM CRYIN

“You’re too pretty for a shitty place like this,” you commented boldly; however, no trace of humor laced your tone and, casual as ever, you took a long gulp from your red plastic cup as Yugyeom leaned against the marble island, speechless because he was the one that spent hours planning for this moment. He was the one that had an insufferable crush on your pretty face from the moment he tumbled headfirst, literally, into your life. Days had rolled into weeks which rolled into months and he simply could never bottle up all his feelings and serve them as they were, “Today’s the day,” he told himself practically every morning, yet as soon as he marched into the lecture hall with the courage of an ex-One Direction fan slash current K-pop fan and found you so, so effortlessly beautiful amongst your circle of friends, his tail shot between his legs and, alas, “Tomorrow. Tomorrow’s the day.”

And so, when Yugyeom’s first ever university end of year party rolled around, BamBam, Jeongguk, and Mingyu thrust an absurd amount of shots down his esophagus and propelled him like a rocket to where you concocted some sort of drink, he was ready this time. He was going to grab the bull—no, not a bull, you’re too pretty to even be labeled as some sort of animal—by the horns and spill out every last ounce of his emotions until his lungs collapsed, whether you remembered him from the first day of freshman orientation nearly six months ago when he oh-so-gracefully smacked your iced coffee right out of your hands or not. He was here now, prepared to do whatever it took to sweep you off your feet, not vice versa.

“You didn’t give me a chance to get to the good part of this conversation,” Yugyeom grumbled, ruffling his hair with his hands, he saw—he saw your eyes follow the motion and his heart absolutely picked up to a detrimental rate. “Wait,” you smiled—or was that a smirk you were hiding?—and added an ungodly amount of rum to your cup, “I think this is where you’re finally going to tell me how you feel and I’d rather embarrass myself drunk than embarrass myself sober because, I’ll have you know, I nearly shit my pants every time I see you.”

Suddenly Yugyeom’s tongue was pulsing like a heart in his very dry mouth and he most definitely misheard you—right? “Is that a good shit, or a bad shit?”

You laughed, a sound so sickly sweet he fleetingly considered smashing his head through the wall until your answer blessed his ears, “Nah, it’s a good shit. I heard you were head over heels for me, or something like that, back in January and I thought you’d come talk to me but—ah, never mind. Needless to say, we were both dumb for not just speaking up.”

“Does this mean if I ask you on a date you won’t reject me?” Yugyeom let out a shaky laugh, mesmerized with the way your skin glowed under the kitchen’s dimmed lights, he fought the urge not to cup your face and instead opted for stepping closer, breathing in your rosy perfume and nearly losing his shit, when you responded with a bashful smile.

“Yeah,” you sighed, much more breathless than you’d like to be, “you don’t have to worry about that anytime soon. Unless, of course, you’re a total dickhead or a terrible kisser,” you snorted, a noise usually found unpleasant but Yugyeom wanted nothing more than to prove to the world no fresh-out-of-the-pussy puppy was cuter than you; however, his prize-winning grin faltered when you went on, “which by the way, I think we should totally test that out. You know, in case you are a terrible kisser and I have time to back out of this dating proposition.”

Yugyeom didn’t need to be asked twice and yanked you forward so quickly you yelped, but, the gentleman he is, steadied you against his chest and dipped down to kiss you without a single drop of hesitation. His lips found yours effortlessly, heart singing with joy when you gasped against his mouth but melted into his arms nevertheless, his tongue ran along the seam of your lips, and he could just barely taste a hint of Doritos cheese as—

The shrieking of his cellphone like an angry rattlesnake renders Yugyeom’s peaceful dreaming of the beginning of his relationship with you nearly 3 years ago cut short-lived, he lets out an aggravated groan, slapping around the mattress aimlessly for the device before pressing down on the off button to shut the annoying blaring off.

Brain still clouded with sleep, Yugyeom flips onto his stomach and sighs blissfully, stretching his arm out to the pillows on the left side in order to determine whether you’ve already left for work or not.

Upon feeling the icy touch of the sheets Yugyeom rolls over to your side, relishing in mornings like these: he’s home, you’ll be home soon, he can spend the rest of the day—the whole day!—with you. Cheek pressed against your pillows, Yugyeom inhales a hefty breath of your scent, filling his lungs and brain with the jasmine and vanilla perfume from your shampoo. He smiles into the coolness of the downy pillow, contemplating whether he wants to send you good morning meme until, like a shit ton of bricks dumped on his head, the weight of the world falling on his shoulders, the realization hits Yugyeom slowly, cruelly.

He realizes, upon impact, that whether he texted your phone or not—you won’t answer. He could text you a million times a minute, call you even, and you wouldn’t answer because you’re not here. Eyelids fluttering open within milliseconds, Yugyeom jerks away from your side of the bed with a choke, clawing the sheets as he flies from the bed, nearly crumbling to the floor but catching a grip against the windowsill. You’re gone.

Breathless and with your smell multiplying like cells in his senses, Yugyeom reaches for the closest thing—one of his pillows hanging lopsided off the mattress—and pelts it to the wall across from where he stands, heaving, watching with disappointment as it thumps against the brick lightly and, consequently, not unleashing any of his pent-up emotions. Your beautiful heart isn’t even beating.

But he knows if you were here, you’d tell him he would be just fine.

The red and black and white grain muddling Yugyeom’s vision begins to clear as he chokes on air, the briny taste of tears enters his mouth when he licks his chapped lips and when did he start crying?

Six feet underground. Like the past thirty-three days, Yugyeom blinks away the rest of his tears and waits until they’re dribbling down his cheeks to wipe them, he lets out a shaky breath and proceeds with his day, plucking up the pillow and setting it back on the bed like you would’ve asked him to.

When he leaves the bedroom and makes way for the kitchen, he winces at the eerie silence of the apartment aside from the incessant percussion of birds singing outside the living room window and occasional creaking of the attendants an apartment above and decides some Chris Brown could do. Swinging open the refrigerator door, Yugyeom sighs at what’s inside—or, better, there lack of—and decides, he really needs to go grocery shopping; a half-empty gallon of milk, three eggs left in the carton, what’s left of the sliced bread, and four bottles of soju that has turned into medicine to cure his headaches and panic attacks rather than a way to enjoy nights like he used to with you.

Despite the persistent growling from his gut, Yugyeom only reaches for the milk, sets it down on the counter and hums—he hums!—something so insignificant but something he hasn’t done since your accident as he reaches for the dishwasher and pulls the door open. His humming stops when he catches sight of your coffee cup inside, mauve lipstick stain faded even more from the day before and he knows if he wants it to stay he has to stop using it every morning, but a part of him cannot help but reach for it because it’s just another part of you.

His stomach churns and keeps churning and suddenly Yugyeom’s head is heavy and saliva is flooding his mouth and he’s burning hotter than the star that keeps our planet alive and he scrambles to the stainless steel and heaves into the sink, expelling everything from his belly, which, ultimately, is nothing. Yugyeom dry-heaves, once, twice, before inhaling a shuddering breath, drool dripping from his lips and down his chin until he hastily wipes it away. With his appetite stolen like a rug whipped away from beneath his feet, Yugyeom slams the dishwasher door closed, the contents angrily rattling inside, and leaves the milk on the counter for he could not give less of a shit.

A cold shower fixes everything, love, you would say, the cold-shower freak yourself, he nods to himself, a cold shower will do, Yugyeom makes way for the bathroom and strips from his clothes that seem to stick to his sweaty body, twists the shower knob just slightly so the stream is at its coldest possible temperature before whipping aside the curtain and stepping inside. Yugyeom shudders at the contact of water against his skin, goosebumps spreading across his body head to toe and he presses himself against the wall, shivers wracking his body, squeezing his eyes tighttighttightuntil it all goes away, until he’s numb, until your standing beside him again.

His body, at some point, numbs to the frigid water and he finally backs away from the wall to stand underneath the shower head, running his hands through his raven hair, rubbing the crust away from his eyes, washing up quickly and using your body cleanser instead of his own. When Yugyeom’s finished, he dries off quickly and wraps the towel low on his hip, but frowns when he enters your bedroom because you’re not there to tell him how hot he is and how lucky you are, in which he would tackle your cute ass and smother your face in kisses, which, eventually, lead to his towel on the floor and your clothes dropped next to it.

A dinging notification from Yugyeom’s phone still buried beneath his pillows snaps him back to reality and he wanders over, scrolling through his notifications from the newest to the oldest.

DabDab🤮– 1:42 PM Hey bud. Hope ur getting there. Call me

Missed Call from DabDab🤮 – 11:23 AM

Missed Call from 🅱️eon 🅱️eongguk – 10:14 AM

Yugyeom sighs—he knows he should be grateful his friends care, but he simply does not care enough for himself to constantly answer their nagging questions. He contemplates ignoring it, he could shove the device back under the pillows and answer it tomorrow like he usually does, but he’s gone three days without talking to one of them and so, guilt makes up his mind and he’s tapping away until BamBam’s voice disturbs the deadened ambiance Yugyeom’s created in your bedroom.

“Hey! You called,” BamBam’s voice fills the hair, Yugyeom can almost see the smile, and falls back onto the mattress.

“I called.”

“I know you don’t want to talk, which I understand. But I want you to do me a favor,” BamBam goes on, Yugyeom pinches the bridge of his nose, biting back a sharp retort, “I want you to use that damn well-spent studio the two of you have in your apartment and freestyle. Just an hour. I know you were coming up for a choreo to something, I don’t know, but go do that.”

Yugyeom pauses, considering the idea, but shuts it down quickly because he does not want to do anything but lie here, “I can’t. Not today.”

“Yugyeom, you’ve said that to everything. I know you’re not doing anything, and I don’t blame you. But if there’s one thing you still have and love, that’s dancing. And I’m not arguing with you over this. Please, just do this. For me.”

Yugyeom hears the crack in his best friend’s voice, he can feel the pain through the phone, another ache to add to his poor heart, “I can’t go in that room without her, Bam.”

“You’ve had dance before you had ___, Yugyeom. You shared dance with her, you grew with her from it. You can do it without her. Do it for her, she’d be proud. Okay?”

Yugyeom swallows the lump in his throat, the tears threatening to spill from his burning eyes and his bottom lip trembles, “Okay.”

“Okay. Don’t say okay again, I’m not Augustus Waters,” BamBam chuckles, sniffling on his line and Yugyeom knows he’s crying too but manages to crack a smile, “okay. Fuck! I said it again. Alright, go dance your heart out for a little and take care of yourself. Also, don’t be a stranger. Please.”

Yugyeom nods, digging his knuckle into his eye to stop the tears, he croaks out, “Okay. Thanks, man. See you.”

He hangs up a moment later to let the tears spill freely.

An hour later, Yugyeom stands in the doorway of his—your—dance room, glaring questioningly at the mirrored walls around him, his pitiful reflection staring back at him. Do it for you, he tells himself, stepping inside and clicking the door shut behind him.

Yugyeom stretches his tense muscles, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror in fear he’ll back out or conjure up a mental image of your bruised and bloodied body in the hospital, he mustn’t think about it or else it’ll only get worse. He scrolls through his downloaded songs, zoned in on something other than you for the first time in weeks, going back and forth between a few options before caving in to another Chris Brown bop he cannot get away from.

Just like before, Yugyeom tells himself after his first slip-up, swinging his leg too far to the side and so he begins again, carrying himself with utmost grace and sharp, fluid movements but he shakes his head a minute and a half in—not good enough. “One, two, three, four,” he whispers to himself, starting from the top for the seventh time, he glides and twists and pulls and—

And he blanks hardly thirty seconds in, pausing, staring into his reflection, shuddering for oxygen, long hair tousled from the quick movements, limbs screaming at the sudden usage, and he can’t wrap his mind around what follows next.

“I can’t do it,” Yugyeom says to no one in particular, balling his fists at his sides before collapsing onto the smooth laminate, he looks to the corner of the room and if he squints hard enough, he can imagine you standing there, telling him he can do it, but his tears blur his vision so he buries his head between his knees, “I can’t do it without you.”

And Yugyeom cries for the thirty-third day, for his feet don’t dance like they used to with you.

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just-an-anxious-mess · 6 years

Text

Why Don't You Understand?

I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling, just relishing the feeling of being alone when a loud knock on the door broke the silence.

I closed my eyes for a second before asking "What do you want?" in a loud voice so whoever it was could hear.

"We're all having a smash bros tournament, want to join? I made cookies too." Came the enthusiastic and cheerful voice of Patton.

I sighed quietly before saying "no thanks, I'm just going to chill in my room today."

There was a moment of silence and he responded "alright but if you change your mind you know where to find us."

I shook my head and grabbed my phone, randomly picking a playlist to listen to.

I'd just put my headphones on and started the first song when I thought I heard a noise. I paused the music and took them off to hear more knocking coming from my bedroom door.

"yeah?" I asked starting to get slightly irritated now.

"Patton said you weren't joining us for the game and I thought maybe you wanted to do something else? I don't particularly want to play the game so I thought we could have a chess match like yesterday." said Logan and I rolled my eyes.

"no, I'm just relaxing in my room today, sorry. Maybe next time." I said and immediately put my headphones back on.

It was probably a couple hours later and I'd really settled down and was immersed in my music when suddenly my door opened and a hyper, smiling Roman bounded into my room like some kind of puppy.

I held back a groan and tugged my headphones off. "What?" I asked in tone edged with annoyance.

Roman paused in surprise for a second but quickly brushed it off with a grin. "do you want to have another Disney movie night? I found my copy of Black Cauldron!" his voice was full of excitement and was much louder than was necessary.

"No. I already told the others I just want to relax in my room." I said, trying not to snap because it would just make things worse.

Roman seemed surprised by my reaction but tried to convince me. "are you sure? I promise not to sing along with all the songs again. Please?"

Roman tried to do puppy dog eyes which he was surprisingly good at but they never worked on me so I just stared him down and said "no."

He eventually turned and walked out, leaving the door open partly so I had to get up and shut it.

I started muttering under my breath about people not knowing how to close doors behind them as I put my headphones on and began blasting my music again, trying to get back to the calm place I'd been before Roman walked in.

Suddenly I felt a tugging sensation and found myself in front of Thomas and the others who all looked at me with concern on their faces.

I frowned and pulled my headphones off. "Why was I summoned?" I asked, trying to think of a reason they'd be so concerned.

"these guys said you seem a little off today because you turned them all down when they asked you to do stuff with them." Thomas said and my hands curled into fists as I struggled to stay calm.

I wouldn't be half as angry as I was if this wasn't the fifth time where I've been brought to an intervention because I want some time to myself.

The number of times I had to explain I just wanted some alone time yet they still don't get it. They'd involved Thomas this time. I held back in the past hoping they'd eventually understand but I'd had enough.

"Why don't any of you understand?" I shouted, glaring at them all. "I've spent the past three days doing all kinds of activities and I helped Thomas through some fan meet ups as well. I've told you so many times that after long periods of socialising or anything involving being around lots of people doing something that can be considered an activity I need a day or two to recover. One fucking day that's all I wanted yet you can't seem to get it into your heads that I need to recover and when I turn you down there had to be something wrong because that's the only reason anyone would ever turn you down, right?"

I was actually shaking from my anger at that point and I didn't even care about the mumbled "language." from Patton.

I was pissed off and rightly so. Everyone likes to have some time to themselves but they forget that I'm 100% an introvert while they're extroverts. Well maybe Logans 50/50 but still.

I feel Thomas looking at me and I turn to glare at him until I see the understanding look in his eyes.

"so that's where I get it from?" he said and I frowned in confusion. He must have noticed because he elaborated. "after a week of socialising I tend to use the weekend to just sit and watch TV shows and play video games because I feel tired out from socialising. I didn't know which on of you that came from but I guess I know now."

I nodding understanding and glanced around at the others.

"I'm sorry Virgil, I hadn't realised." Logan said and Patton apologised as well, tears welling up in his eyes as he did so.

We all looked to Roman who still looked confused. "Why do you need to recover though?" he asked and I groaned.

"because too much social interaction stresses me out and to stop myself becoming a big bomb of surpressed stress and making Thomas and myself have a huge panic attack I need a few days to relax and get rid of the stress." I explained slowly, rolling my eyes as he finally showed a sign of understanding.

"Well I greatly apologise for interrupting your relaxation time then." he said and I sighed.

"can I go now?" I asked and when I got a reply of yes I immediately returned back to my room, picking up where I left off with my music as loud as possible.

Maybe now I'd actually get some time to myself.

Tags:@amethystdarkwolf @mcfreakin-childproof-caps @patchworkofstars @kitkat-doodles @unikornavenger @dolphin-squirrel @sympathetic-deceit-trash @starryfirefliesbloggo @cakercanart @neonb-fly @kaymischief25 @punsterterry @aprilthevene @theoddkidnextdoor @fuckingemoace @i-sold-my-soul-to-thefandom @im-so-infinitesimal @sea-blue-child @thecatchat @iris-sanders-athena @saphael-malec102 @smedenn @corkeecoderyt @sopi-montezzz @illogicaldeath @deadpanstar

#just an anxious mess's fics #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders

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transenbyhollis · 6 years

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idk if my relationship with the ex roommate was abusive or not but im just gonna put down a bunch of stuff here. this is probably gonna be long so putting it under a readmore

ok so im beginning to realize that this all probably sounds pretty bad for him but KEEP IN MIND that his anger is a response to abuse and breakdowns are sometimes used to manipulate people. also every story has two sides and i dont know what he would say about all this. also for the first couple years or so he was really nice most of the time. super supportive. feel free to skim through this if you wanna know whats gonna on but dont want to read the entire lengthy tale.

so it started nearly five years ago. i met him my first year of college, we were in the same hall. i thought he was really cool. we didnt talk much that first year but we were friends i guess.

second year a lot of shit happened during the first term. the important thing is that it cemented our friendship. after that term we were rock solid. we spent all of our time together.

during the next term he briefly dated a girl we were friends with. idk if it was even dating really. the whole thing was a trainwreck. at one point i felt like i was losing him and i had a breakdown. it was then that he said he never wanted to make anyone more important than me. things went bad between them and then i noticed something was wrong. i wont go into everything that happened, but suffice to say he kept getting angry for reasons i still dont understand, she was frustrated and very stressed, and i was terrified and miserable.

after this, we were still pretty close. it was around this time that he told me we were in a queerplatonic relationship. now i was genuinely considering spending the rest of my life with this guy.

sometime around the same time the first red flag went up. he told me that he had gone through my phone, found my tumblr among other things, and read several months worth of my personal thoughts. i was kind of in shock when i heard this, so i didnt say much about it. this was also when he told me he had been sexually abused.

not too long after this is when a relationship began to grow between him and another friend of ours. i started to feel a distance growing between us, and this is when he really started to show his angry side. sometimes he would get angry and i would break down crying. this became a regular occurance.

there were some instances of him insistently trying to get me to come out to people. this was mostly in reference to a trans group that was beginning to form at this time. i did eventually give in, although at least once i had a breakdown and left crying because he got upset about it. also i sometimes i didnt feel good about leaving because once he made a comment about how i always run away when im upset so i basically begged for permission to leave.

there was also something that happened a couple times where he and his partner decided that i wasnt allowed to be alone and i physically attacked them and screamed at them before they would let me be alone in the bathroom for a few minutes. the second time this happened i was so angry i smashed a bunch of my belongings and then afterwards i apologized frantically and said some bs about being upset for religion related reasons.

after this, we had a conversation where i said i needed to be alone sometimes, and if they literally said i was not allowed to be alone i wouldnt ask, i would kick and scream until they agreed to let me be alone. he got upset because i made an analogy about a cliff and kept getting mad about that. i insisted that if they refused to let me be alone i would make them hate me.

there was a argument i had with him that ended with him essentially saying our friendship was over. i did not realize he was being sarcastic here. i went to the bathroom to cry. i asked his partner to come and told them that i was feeling very suicidal. they calmed me down a little and went to go arrange for all three of us to have a talk. i took several melatonin and tried to take a nap in the meantime, although that didnt work. later we met at the library. we had an argument about them being controlling and some other things. i remember he started to throw a chair. i broke down and went to the bathroom where i cried a lot. i texted him and apologized for wrecking our friendship. he said that he was the broken one and i said i thought we both were.

it was around this time i started medication. i told the doctor i was having problems with mood swings and so they put me on abilify.

at the end of this school year i moved in with them. towards the beginning there were some arguments about them being controlling and needing to know where i was all the time. we made a compromise where i would have some kind of board or something that i would uodate to say if i was feeling good, not so good, or bad. that never ended up being implemented tho. at some point the roommate who didnt totally suck told me they didnt want me to tell them when i felt like self harming and if i did they would call the police.

the angry outbursts and my terrified breakdowns continued. it escalated to the point where sometimes he was straight up screaming his head off at me for no discernible reason. sometimes i would break down if he so much as snapped at someone.

there was an incodent where i started crying when he was angry, and he told me essentially he didnt see why i would break down so easily and he was jealous of me for having such a good childhood. i told him that i was still suicidal and he started yelling at the other roommate to call the police. i kept asking why he was doing this and what he was trying to accomplish and he didnt respond. the police came, we talked a little, i said i would take a walk and calm down, and they left. i went to my room and had a panic attack. my roommates wanted to call the police again and i begged them not to. at some point one of them said something about me having a sheltered childhood.

a few weeks later we were grocery shopping and he got mad at me for not helping put the groceries in the car. at this point i decided to stop being friends with them because i couldnt handle it. later when we were at home someone asked me if anything was wrong or something like that and i said i decided earlier that i couldnt be friends with them. they told me to calm down and we talked about it. they asked me if there was anything else i wanted to tell them and i said there was something they had said that had made me uncomfortable some time ago. the rest of this was all dragged out of me, slowly and painstakingly. i told them that i didnt like when they said a sheltered childhood. they confirmed that sheltered basically said i hadnt had any problems. they asked me what problems id had and i said i felt that my relationship with my sister and with religion was somewhat abusive. they then dissected all the problems id had in my life to see if any of them were really that bad.

there were also a couple of other incidents, like that time he screamed his head off at me, smashed a bowl, and then apologized to his partner while i cleaned up the bowl. and the time he screamed at me for rescheduling an appointment. a lot of other shit happened but im not gonna talk about all of it.

a few weeks before i moved out, i told his partner that basically i couldnt handle his temper and screw him.

i am now going to mention again that breakdowns cam be manipulative, and his anger im fairly certain was a response to abuse, and for the first couple years at least he was very nice and supportive most of the time.

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crystal-cloudy · 6 years

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ranting ranting ranting of intrusive thoughts, dont respond (i know i know, im posting it on social media so i’m begging for attention. i’m really not, i just need a place to write this down so that there’s a record of it, but not super close to memory like in my notes or google drive, so. tumblr)

I cannot get it out of my head that my boyfriend is going to break up with me, or that he doesn’t really want me, I’m just a way for him to waste time. I ask him every single day, and he always tells me that I’m the one that he wants and he sees a future with me and adores me. But I can’t believe him and I don’t know what he or I could do to make it better.

Talking about it to my psychiatrist did bullshit, I thought maybe it would have counted as excessive anxiety or paranoia, and maybe there was some therapeutic or medical answer to it, but of course she said it was perfectly fucking normal. Everyone tells me it’s normal to be afraid of that because of the whole lying thing that came up a little over a month ago, and then had a mini second chapter a little less than two weeks ago.

Basically I found out that his abusive ex girlfriend who we’ll call A who he had talked about a bit to me before...he was still with her. Oh, and he had lied about being exclusive with me while we were on a break.

The story, as far as I know it:

Basically he had gotten back together with her last July right before he moved to where he lives now, hoping that she would be able to work through issues with him and it would get better. It didn’t and he realized he no longer loved her in November, and decided he just needed to work up the balls (his words) to either break up with her or kill himself, whichever happened first. He then got Tinder, hoping that maybe starting a relationship and getting involved with someone else would give him the courage to end things with her. During his brief time on Tinder, he talked a bit with a girl who we’ll call W, but we’ll get back to her later. A bit after his conversation with W kind of blipped out, he and I started talking, and then we started dating. Then he and A decided that she would come up to his house (a 4 hour drive) to bring him a cat she had rescued from a drug house so that he could adopt the cat. He did not want to spend time with A (apparently) and during the time that she was there he did not speak to me at all (3 days). She saw text messages from me during that time, and got furious at him, resulting in him having a serious panic attack that included him smashing his head into a wooden door and leaving a massive dent. But anyway, after that 3 day period of silence, he kept blowing me off and treating me like shit, and I told him that unless he got his shit together we were over, so that next weekend he and I met up and he said that his mental health was just not in a state to be in a relationship so if we could please go on a break while he figured out his shit, then that would be nice. I asked if we could be exclusive during this break, and he agreed. Of course he had said we were exclusive before while he was still dating A, so this point was kind of skimped on. In reality, he basically figured that he would figure out his self-isolating problems and try to break up with A before getting back together with me, or something like that, I’m not really sure. But anyway, shortly after we started the break, W started messaging him again, and they continued flirting, while he and I were not dating but still exclusive. He met up with her exactly once, while during this break, and they hung out and played video games, but, according to him, that’s it. But anyway, I still thought he and I were exclusive and he was just sorting out his issues. Every time he ignored me for a few days, I tried not to kick up a fuss because we weren’t even together, but it hurt so badly, and I hated being on this break. Then he left his phone at home by accident when he went to see his family in another state for a week. Without a phone or computer, he did not message me for a week. And during this week, I was in so much pain. I could not focus, I could not do anything. I didn’t know if this was his way of ending it all with me, or if he was hurt/dead, or if he had forgotten his phone, or what, but I of course had to keep my cool because we were just on a break at this point, right? And it sucked, and he came back and, supposedly, immediately messaged me. Then a week after that, he began acting more relationship-y towards me (using old nicknames, complimenting me, being more attentive to me), and I started to get very confused. So after a week of that, I asked him what we were and finally explained to him how much more pain I was in on the break than I was while together. And we decided to get back together that night. Then we were together for a little over 2 weeks when, after sleeping over at his house, his alarm went off by accident in the morning (he didn’t actually have to get up). He completely slept through it, but I was awake, and so I got up to turn off his alarm. When I turned it off, I saw in the phone notifications messages from a girl named A, which included a message saying I love you. So I immediately woke him up and asked about it, he gave me what he says is the full story of that, and I slowly start trusting him again, believing that was a one time betrayal as a result of an abusive and unhealthy relationship. But then, about three weeks after that, he leaves his snapchat logged in on my phone. And I immediately swipe left to see my friends messages on snapchat without thinking, and I see old flirty messages between him and W (he saves most of his snapchat messages), up until 3 or 4 days after we had gotten back together. And he once again tells me what he says is the whole story (it was just another old relationship, nothing actually happened, it fizzled out and he didn’t do anything to try and get in touch with her, because he didn’t want her, etc.). And I once again chose to try to forgive him. Only it’s even harder than before.

I feel like I like him so much more than he likes me, I feel like he must hate me because of how much I like him and he just pities me and stays with me, or he’s waiting on someone who he likes more than me, and I’m just some person to pass the time with. And I hate it, I hate feeling like I’m nothing more than just a casual hobby to him. I hate knowing that I am the least important thing in his life, less important than literally everything else. I don’t need to be more important than his own personal health, but I would like to be more important than weed or video games or at the very least something. He keeps not doing things that would mean so much to me if he did them, and it’s stressing me out, I feel like he doesn’t intend to do anything that will show any kind of commitment to me. I don’t want to ask him to do anything because I feel like that’s me pushing myself onto him. I constantly feel like I’m forcing him to be in the relationship with me, like he doesn’t really want to be here, because I constantly am asking for things and he just seems so apathetic about it all. I feel like he doesn’t even like me, but he doesn’t know how to end things, so I keep asking if he wants it over and he says no, but I’m so scared he’s just saying that because he doesn’t want to hurt me and doesn’t want to be alone.

I stay with him because I love him and he makes me so insanely, euphorically happy 3/4 of the time, but that other 1/4 i feel like worthless garbage that isn’t worthy of anything, and the entire time I feel like I’m happy because of who he is, not because of how he treats me. I feel like I’m no more special to him than W was, only I’m more pushy and so now he’s given me the label of girlfriend to sate me while he tries to find the next best thing. I feel like if I died he wouldn’t care. And it sucks.

And he tells me he would, and that he knows he’s bad at showing that he cares, but it just hurts so fucking much.

Like even with sex I feel so unwanted. I don’t know why he doesn’t ever ask for anything more than a blowjob, or do anything without me asking! Does he find me that repulsive, is he that un-impassioned about me? And I don’t know how to ask him all of that and see a change without feeling like he’s just doing it to appease me.

That’s the problem, I can’t tell him any of this because then it will feel like any change he makes is just an attempt to appease me so that, once again, he won’t be alone while he tries to find someone better than me.

All I want is to make him happy and feel like he wants me, but I feel like I can’t even have that, and I just wish I were dead. I’ve only ever wanted to love and be loved, but I can only ever get halfway there, because the second half of that statement is so unrealistic for me.

#my posts #personal #do not reblog #do not interact

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blu3gr3y · 6 years

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so i told myself year ago that i would never write fanfiction again... but i heard a song and i couldn't help but write something little... tiny .. itty bitty... please be kind...im rusty.

So, here’s a little something based of off or inspired by this lyric “Please don't ever become a stranger, whose laugh I could recognize anywhere”

Stranger

Betty’s knuckles were solid white as she gripped the grocery cart. This was her first time out since she moved back to Riverdale. This is the first time she has been to Riverdale in the past two years, since Black Hood was caught.

After he was caught, Betty was no longer emotionally or mentally stable to be by herself or stay alone in her room without having a serious panic attacks, which would leave her completely breathless and her pulse pounding. Almost to the point where she needed to be ambulanced to the emergency room. Her body would shake and her mind would race. She wouldn’t be able to see straight or find her footing to keep standing.

Her mother suggested that she move away, for a while, to a place that could help with her anxiety and let her finish school. A type of boarding school. Riverdale did not have any good doctors or psychiatrists and the ones that Riverdale did have were always booked with everyone else from the town. Black Hood was treacherous and vicious in his last few murders, almost as if it was a Freddy Krueger movie and Betty could not handle knowing that she had some play in it because of Black Hood’s threats and manipulation.

So, she left. It took her a little longer to finish school than it should had. While everyone in Riverdale graduated high school at the end of May, she didn’t finish her last class till the end September and moved back home. It was better for her to finish later anyway, because now everyone was away at college. Archie, Veronica, Kevin, once her close knit group of friends, they were nowhere to be seen. She didn’t talk to them much while she was away. She didn’t talk much at all to anyone. She tried to keep her distance, because talking to them brought back hard memories and flashbacks. She wasn’t ready to face them, yet, but hopefully, by the holiday break she would be.

The display of black ski masks stared back at her in the middle of the grocery store. The weatherman had called for an early winter, even though it was currently sunny summer weather outside. She felt her pulse race and her breathing pick up inching closer to hyperventilating.

Walk away. Do not make a scene. Look away. Do not have a panic att- Dammit, Betty just look away. Black Hood does not exist anymore. He’s locked up! He’s gone! She thought to herself. But seeing the ski mask flooded her brain with memories of the dark gloomy house in the woods. She remembers how hard it was to look through the eye holes of the hood and how her own reflection in the mirror was distorted and made her want to vomit.

Betty jumped and looked away from the masks as a little kid ran into her grocery cart throwing a bag of chips into it. He giggled and looked up at her with wide green eyes, dark curly hair and a bright smile.

“Ryan, you cannot run into people and put things in their grocery cart,” a lady ran over to the little boy. “Oh my gosh, I am sorry. I don’t what has gotten into him.” She spoke to Betty and reached for the chips that was put within the cart.

Betty smiled, “its okay. I actually like those and was planning to get them.”

The lady gave a quick smile with an “okay” and pulled her son away quietly scolding him.

Betty’s smiled faded as she glanced but over to the ski masks. She shook her head and began walking towards the self-checkout line. She didn’t want to deal with any more people today. Maybe going to the grocery store was too much, maybe too soon.

“Betty, why don’t you just stay home? You only just arrived yesterday. You don’t want to over work yourself. I can go,” her mother said to her about two hours earlier. “It’s only a couple things, Mom. I can do it.” Betty argued back.

Maybe she was right. It took Betty 15 minutes to just start the car and leave the driveway and another 20 minutes to actually enter the grocery store. She dodge any aisle that had a person down it and kept her face looking down so she didn’t make eye contact with anyone.

Betty gripped the handle of the paper grocery bag as she walked back into the parking lot. The warm air engulfing her with comfort till she noticed a couple motorcycles parked a few spots from her own car.

Motorcycles. She thought to herself. They only remaindered her of Jughead. Her heart began to ache with a familiar agonizing pain, one that seems to leave only for a few moments and then slowly creep back in.

Juggie. Two years. I haven’t seen him or heard from in two years. She longed to hear from him. Hoped that he would have contacted her after she left. But she understood. She is the one that broke up with him. Temporary, at first. She never got to see him. To traumatized from the Black Hood and her phone taken into police custody.

She adverted her eyes from the motorcycles feeling tears begin to weld up in her eyes. She couldn’t look for him now. It had been too long. He had moved on. A serpent now according to Archie, but she wouldn’t care. Yet, that doesn’t matter. Two years is a long time and she missed any opportunity that she might have –

A deep chuckle stopped her in tracks. She recognized that laugh, one she heard oh so many time before, but now, it was one from a stranger. Someone she had not seen in a long time. She glanced quickly to the motorcycles. No one to been seen around them, but she did notice a green serpent in the shape of an “S” on the rear fender of one of them.

She swallowed hard with a tear falling from her eye. The paper bag slipped from her hand smashing to the group breaking the glass jar of jelly inside.

“Betty Cooper?” the voice spoke her name so smoothly giving her images of the last time that she saw this man in person. The time where he wished that they could run away together like Romeo and Juliet but we live happily ever after instead.

#bughead #bughead fanfic #bughead fanfiction #betty x jughead #betty cooper x jughead jones #fanfiction #riverdale #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale fanfic

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seoul-au-blog · 6 years

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Serendipity | 1.

· • ⸰ a college!au where you’re crushing on your best friend and catch the attention of the biggest fuckboy on campus · • ⸰

pairing · • ⸰ jeon jungkook x reader, kim taehyung x reader warning · • ⸰ strong language, adult content, mention of drugs

𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎

It was almost one in the morning, and for the last two hours you have been dancing and drinking glasses after glasses of expensive alcohol with your friends. You have quickly come to notice that your vision becoming a blurry mess and everything around you started to sway from left to right. You were drunk. “One more shot!” Someone shouted near your face, now red from the intoxication. You turned to the direction of the noise, it was Jungkook. His lips were plump and red, as you shook your head to remember why, you tried to stop your mind from erasing all of the moments from the party. As you went back to about an hour in your memory, you began to remember Jungkook making out with someone at the dancefloor. She was all over him and you had to pretend that it didn’t bother you, but the truth was that it felt like a thousand knives have pierced through your heart. The bitter memory made your facial expression change from numb to bothered and you suddenly shot up to leave everyone behind. Bouncing off dancing bodies you managed to escape to a quieter part of the house, the smell of alcohol making your head pound. All you wanted to do is to lay down on cold bed sheets and fall asleep. Walking along the mansion felt more like trying to escape a maze, it was big, too big for your liking. It didn't feel like home, but more of a luxurious hotel. You were trying to find an empty bedroom to rest your tired body, but every door you tried to open was closed to protect the room from unwanted guests for reasons you didn't really want to explore, judging by the muffled moans and smell of weed coming from behind. Finally, you find yourself staring at a set of stairs at the end of a long corridor. You stood there and listened in, trying to figure out if anyone is upstairs but you heard nothing but an echo of music coming from the party downstairs.

You didn’t care if you were not supposed to be here right now. Someone could try to kick you out for invading their privacy and you would gladly get dragged out of here, but right now you were tired and all you could dream of is a comfortable bed. As you walked up the stairs, a big wooden door made an appearance, your hand grabbed the knob without hesitation and opened the door, which to your luck was not closed off as all the others. A spacious white room came to your sight as the door swung open. Your drunken state did not allow you to take all the details of the interior, and as you walked in your body instinctively took you straight to a bed right at the end of the bedroom. You let yourself fall onto the bed face upwards, the sheets hugging your body snuggly, making you feel safe and finally, at peace. If someone asked you how long you spent in that room you would not be able to give them a definite answer. You closed your eyes for what felt like a split of a second, but it might have been a few hours. You twisted to your side, slid your shoes off your feet to avoid any dirt staining the white sheets and curled up, now feeling somewhat sober yet still, very tired. Closing your eyes again in an attempt to fall asleep just for a little longer was disturbed by a buzzing sensation in your pocket. It was Jungkook, at least that's what your phone screen was displaying.

[3:04am] kookie: where are you???

[3:04am] kookie: the party is getting shut down, the police are here! im worried. text me!

Rolling your eyes, still mad at him for choosing to kiss a random girl over you, you replied and lied to him that you're back in your room, and you left the party because you were tired. The phone flew across the room after you tossed it without caring about smashing it on the wooden floor, Jungkook texting you made you feel blue again. Looking up at the ceiling you felt your tears fall across your cheeks down to the sides of your face and landing on the bed making two salty puddles on the pillow. Alcohol still raging in your blood was definitely a spark that led you to start a fire of loud crying. You didn’t care if anyone heard, everyone was probably gone anyway or picked up by the police so you let all of these bottled emotions out of your system. Why couldn't he just get the hint? All of the hints? Why couldn't he kiss you and not her? Your soul stung from the wound that you called Jungkook, and tonight felt like someone poured salt all over it. He didn’t feel the same way, and you couldn't tell him because it would destroy the only thing that mattered to you - your friendship. Your mind was boiling with all the memories of the party and you felt close to having a panic attack. Your breath was fast and it felt like all of the oxygen in the world suddenly disappeared. Everything went hazy and you felt as if an elephant was stepping all over your chest. “Breathe. Just breathe.” you heard a deep soft voice say. Before you could react you felt your body fly upwards as someone gently picked you up and placed you on their knees pressing your body close to them comforting you. Their hand ran through your hair gently and pulled you closer making you feel safe. “Inhale and exhale. Just like me.” the stranger kept talking and sooner than later you felt your ability to breath come back to normal, yet tears were still escaping from your eyes one by one. Their thumb gently wiped some away and you finally were able to look up at your saviour. The room was dark and you couldn't make out his features at first, mostly because your vision was still blurred from all the crying. Blinking a few times made the scenery become clear and you saw a handsome young man, with longish dark hair looking down at you with a soft smile. His eyes were glowing and reflecting the moonlight like the sea, his lips were plump and he had a small beauty mark on his nose. You shook your head and looked at the stranger again, now making out his identity. It was Kim Taehyung. “Are you feeling better?” he asked, still looking at you kindly. “Y-yes.” is all you could mumble out as you escaped his touch and sat away from him, looking down at your feet dangling from the bed. You have never been this close to Taehyung before, he looked taller and even more handsome up close. He even smelt good, after hours of partying. Your heart was fluttering in your chest and you were glad the room was dark because otherwise, he would have been able to see your cheeks staining bright red. “Are you sure? Did anything happen to you?” he kept going, clearly worried about you. “If anything did happen, or if anyone hurt you, I need to know. I need to help you.” “I’m fine. I'm sorry I came here, I just needed to have a break from everyone.” You replied and started putting your shoes back on, all you wanted was to leave as quickly as possible. “Don’t apologise, it’s all okay. I’m just worried. I invited you here to have a good time and seeing you cry was not my intention. I’m sorry.” Did you just hear that right? The biggest and most disgusting fuckboy you have ever known to exist sounded so... polite? So kind and warm? You had to look at him again just to make sure it was actually him. You have never seen him do any wrong with your own eyes but rather heard all the stories about him, and for a second you thought maybe they were all fake. “Really, I'm fine. I'm gonna leave now. Thank you for your invite.” you replied and stood up from the bed but before you could take even a step forward he shot up from his sitting position and hovered over you. He was gorgeous. He looked like a greek god merely standing there in the sheer moonlight. “Please stay. We have plenty of spare rooms that you can sleep in, or you could even sleep here in my bed and I will go somewhere else. I just want to make sure you're okay.” You didn't know what to reply, it felt almost wrong saying no to him but you knew that if you did stay you would wake up to him probably trying to get into your pants. “No, it’s okay. I really just want to go back home if that’s okay.” You replied and tried to leave the room but he followed. “Woah, slow down.” He put his big hands on your shoulders to stop you from leaving and possibly even falling down the stairs. You were still a drunken mess and he knew it. “Okay, I will make sure you get home safe. Just stay here, okay?” He disappeared for a few seconds and came back with a big, warm jumper while holding his phone near his face. “Yo, can you give my friend a ride home, she doesn't feel well and I want to make sure she's safe.” He spoke on the phone while handing you the jumper. “Okay man, thanks so much. Bye.” He said as he ended the call and helped you put the jumper on. “Now we are going to have a deal okay?” He turned to face you fully and looked at you with a big boxy smile. “What deal?” You asked while snuggling yourself in his big jumper, it looked way too big on you but you didn't care, it was comfortable and smelt really really good. “You will text me the second you get home, so I don't have to die from worrying about you.” he continued and a big boxy smile formed on his face from seeing you in his jumper. “I don't even have your number.” You replied and avoided eye contact, he was making your insides twist with his beauty. Before you could say anything else he picked up your phone from the ground and typed his number in. “Well, now you do.” he laughed and gave you back the phone. You two stood there just staring at each other for some time. It wasn't awkward and for some reason, you just couldn't take your eyes off of him. His face was welcoming and you felt like you were getting lost in his stare. Suddenly a loud noise outside broke the intense moment and you two jumped away from each other. “It must be your ride, let me walk you.” He grabbed your hand and you followed. The house felt extremely cold, as just a few hours ago it was packed with hundreds of students and now there was not a single soul around. Taehyung walked you outside of the house. There was a red Lamborghini waiting at the entrance. “Remember to text me, okay?” he reminded you as he helped you in the car. He was now standing beside the car, only a door between you two. “Okay, I will. Thank you for everything.” You replied through the open window and gave him a shy smile. “No problem. See you later y/n.” Before you could reply the car drove away and you watched him stand at the door of his house watching you drive away. How did he know your name? You had so many questions bothering you from that night. The anonymous driver made sure you got home quickly and safely and you waved goodbye to him as he dropped you off at your dorm. Your best friend was already sound asleep, so you quietly took a quick shower and tiptoed to your bed, snuggling yourself under the covers. You closed your eyes and slowly started to drift off to sleep, but a sudden thought woke you up. You had to text Taehyung. The number of times you typed and erased the message was uncountable, but after some time you just decided to send whatever you had already written.

[4:43am] y/n: hello, it’s y/n. I’m home and in bed now. thank you for everything. I hope at least you had fun at your party haha.

Your hands gripped the phone and you were eagerly waiting for a response back. You didn't exactly understand why it mattered to you so much, after all, you didn't even like the guy? But for some reason, butterflies flew across the inside of your stomach when your phone vibrated and a notification of a new message came up on the screen.

[4:44am] taehyung: hello. I'm glad you're okay now. I did, but I would have had more fun if we were able to spend some time together, like dancing or something and not crying haha. Catch up later. Goodnight.

A squeal escaped your lips and you pressed a pillow into your face to stop yourself from screaming. You were behaving like a thirteen-year-old in love, but who wouldn't if the most handsome guy you have ever laid your eyes on just replied that he wanted to “catch up later”? You fell asleep for the first time with someone else on your mind, it was not longer Jungkook that followed you in your dreams, but Taehyung.

key · • ⸰ y/n = your name

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greasygyeom · 7 years

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Title: I crash, U crash

By: GreasyGyeom

Summary: “I don’t even know myself / Got my back up against the wall / I let the time pass too fast / I crash, you crash.” Mark x Reader. Mental Health/Anger/Mild Violence

Notes: I’ve always been intrigued by the concept of a violent Mark, so I just played around with it. There will be a follow up on this. The gif is made by yours truly.

It had been a particularly rough morning for him.

To be honest, it had been a rough twelve days. He’d hardly been able to sleep. He’d barely eaten. His mind never shut down once for the duration of the week. It seemed like someone else was living in his body, rent free at that. He’d lost all motivation to stay… alive.

But something had seemed to have aggravated the situation overnight. He’d woken up with a jolt, like an electric shock had been passed through his body. His mind was being particularly un-cooperative.

He’d never experienced anything like this before and he didn’t quite grasp it.

So he just sat there, staring at the wall facing his bed.His eyes emptily gazing at the spot where the clock he smashed last night had been; just because it was ticking too loud. He then looked at the massacre on his floor. Pieces of plastic and glass carelessly peeking out from every shadowy corner of the room.

How did this even happen? He frantically tried to fill in the gaps from his memory of last night. Had he gotten drunk? Was there another person he got into a fight with? Did he do all this damage alone? He couldn’t remember the important parts. He could just remember that feeling of not having anything under control; that feeling that drove him insane.

8 am.

The sun finally crept up on him, shinning across his wooden floorboard through some gaps in his heavy black curtains, making him flinch.

Too much light.

He laid back down on his bed and pulled his bedcover all the way up to his head.

Too claustrophobic.

He felt his heart thumping in his ears like an ominous drum beat, marching him to his funeral; pins and needles stabbing him under his skin. The heart beat picked up its pace, getting louder in his ears. It didn’t feel like his own.

Nothing felt like his own.

His thoughts, body, mind, emotions everything felt like it was infested by an unknown being determined to purge him out of his own skeleton. All the what ifs he’d ignored up until now - dismissing them as unnecessary negative walkways; all the self doubt he had never paid heed to; the insecurities he had repressed for so many years, they all hissed at him in tongues, simultaneously.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to stop the static in his bones. He didn’t know how to stop the white noise ringing in his ears. He didn’t know how to stop the voices in his head. He didn’t even know how to feel sane.

He needed someone to understand him because he couldn’t understand himself.

He raked his brain for a face he could rely on, scrolling through his contact list.

“No. Not her. Are you kidding, this guy? No fuckin’ way you’re telling anyone. You can’t tell this to anyone they’re going to call you crazy”. A voice from the back of his mind snarled at him. “Besides, are you that weak, that you can’t even handle this on your own?” The voice felt very real.

He threw his phone aside.

It’s like a tape then got stuck in his mind that seemed to only amplify his shortcomings in life.

“No, I’m not weak.” He repeated out loud, as if in retaliation to the devil himself. “Im not fucking weak. Get out of my head. Get out. GET OUT,” he yelled, picking up the nearest object he could lay his hands on and threw it at the wall where the clock had been.

He just wanted the nagging inside his brain to stop.

He hunched over his side table, attempting to regain his composure. His room felt smaller and contained, like a prison cell. It was making him uncomfortable, A certain eeriness had sneaked inside at ungodly hours and spread its poison that seemed to be suffocating him.

He tried to recall what he’d done in the past twelve days, all alone.

But he didn’t fucking remember.

His phone made a muffled sound from somewhere under the pillows. He reluctantly picked it up without checking the number. His eyes widened when he heard your voice on the other side.

“You’re back?” He asked, trying to sound like his regular self.

“Yes and heading home.”

His level of panic escalated in multiples of a thousand as that information registered itself in the functional parts of his brain. His room - and possibly the house - was was literally in shambles.

“See you in an hour Morkie.” You chimed, completely unaware of his situation.

"Yeah, can’t wait.“

He stood up in a frenzy, abruptly ending the call and began thinking of ways to hide his awful, paranoid, panicked, anxious, sharp, sloppy and extremely violent state of mind from you.

He went outside his room, hoping to find the rest of the house in one piece - hoping that he hadn’t broken everything there was to break with without even knowing about it.

"This looks okay.” He thought to himself, scanning the common area and moving into the kitchen. Apart from the few utensils that were unwashed from a few nights ago and all the bottles of alcohol, things seemed to be in order

He didn’t particularly have to care, but he also didn’t want you to catch onto the fact that something was off. He knew you were good with that stuff - the catching onto vibes stuff.

He went back into his room with a broom and a duster, fully intending to clean up the mess; but for the life in him he couldn’t get his hands to steady or his heart to slow down.

He was sure he was going to have a heart attack. A certain numbness paralysed his mind, travelling all the way down from his forearm to the tips of his fingers.

“I’m going to die,” he thought, clutching his t-shirt, completely unable to move. He lay down on the floor and closed his eyes but opened them again in an instant, fearing the darkness that filled his vision.

“I’m going to die.”

The world blurred out momentarily. He didn’t realise how many minutes had gone by until the loud, shrill ring of the bell echoed in his ears, frantically.

His eyes shot open.

“Fuck, she’s home.”

#mark tuan #got7 #got7 scenarios #mark scenarios #mark tuan fanfiction #got7 fanfic #mark tuan fanfic #tuan yi en #mark x reader #mental health #angry #angst #violence #mork #got7 mark #gif #got7 gifs

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cantaffordtherapist42069 · 5 years

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breakdown message/running journal

first and foremost i cannot believe I wasted time getting my nails done to not even get to see them on a dick this is what I get for going with something cool again

part of me feels just absolutely stupid. like i have no idea what's going on or what anything means because i am just so used to being manipulated or lied to or choked out in bathrooms. i want to believe u are a genuinely nice person like you seem but part of me feels like you are just really good at hiding that you're just an emotionally dead fuckboy.

but like would i recognize those traits if i were not also an emotionally dead fuckboy probably not.

which is exactly why this week has been so awful.

had this been a week ago i was ready to have the "hey i havent felt any real human emotion in years but if you want me to i can try but like ur dick bomb so i can swing whatever" conversation. deadass i was at times like if he really a fuckboy i guess i can finally get a threesome out of it. (in the interest of funny things I would message u about but wont because i can't tell if you give a shit or not i was so far done caring for alias i suggested he message felecia for a threesome. completely seriously.)

however on wednesday, my anxiety was at an all time high for no reason. and it just kept getting worse all night. and all i wanted was to talk to you. i didnt care if all you did was bitch i just wanted like a ten minute phone call with you because i missed you and talking to you would have made me happy. then on my way home i had to pass a very freshly killed deer which, while interesting to my inner freak because it was like split in half and dragged, all i could think about was that your dumb ass text and snaps all the fucking time while you're driving and that technically speaking you could just hit a deer at like 70 and die and that's it you never get to talk to Dillon again and i lost it i had to pull over to cry. this was partly because i was so high but also mostly because it has been so long since i have cared about the person i was fucking and i am terrified to get genuinely attached to another person like that again. but whatever i thought I could just deal with that later.

then of course the next day was Summers wedding. and yes it was cute and im very happy for them and love is beautiful but like, first off it was weird because i am literally getting a divorce that i could not be happier to finally be getting, but also i am kind of jealous of their relationship, and then when u hit me this week with the "never once contemplated marriage", Dillon i had never been more attracted to you than at that moment. and again all i wanted was to talk to you but you were barely responding so i just volunteered to work all night to get my mind off everything even though it was one of my nights off and i already felt miserable. Then the more i thought about it all night, u bitching about being hungover, i realized that u didnt send me a single drunk text and like.. cant relate! i want to talk to you literally all the time but especially when im drunk and miss you and havent talked to you all day!

friday morning i had mail from the court that the judge on my divorce case put in a removal for dismissal. on my way to the courthouse guess who was behind me! alias! guess who had a panic attack because shes so fucking scared of this actual pussy! me! guess who has to get her paperwork in by the 20th or she has to pay 250 fucking more dollars to the state to file again! me! and of course multiple people have told me that they dont think alias and felecia are doing well and im fucking terrified. i thought theyd at least last a year and buy me some time to heal but nah fuck me. i love feeling absolutely terrified everywhere i go.

i think its probably important you get the whole story. it really explains why im a freak and also why i was temporarily drinking almost every night. but like its really something you sit down and discuss not casually send over a message so a very short version is i knew alias would be abusive within the first week, broke up, got back together when he got back from basic and went to mos school, i knew i was making a mistake because i was crazy about him but i knew he was a piece of shit, cheated on him to convince myself to leave him, never told him and stayed instead, found him sending and receiving nudes and sexting with girls from gone wild on reddit, shit was absolutely awful and we fought non stop for years, he gets out of the marines we move back and he finally admits to me that he thought he wanted kids which i had known he did for a while so wasnt a shock, I smoked half a pack of camels and i was over it. didnt love him at all. didnt leave because he begged me to stay because "he didnt he just needed to discuss wanting kids", then after i specifically warned him i was going to be emotionally distant, he started getting crazy. he was so miserable all the time and reflected it by acting angry around me intentionally. then it was the busting in to my room at random times to accuse me of not loving him and like i wasnt going to admit to the psycho that i was just with him because i couldn't leave kira with him and yes i was def lying about loving him, and then one night he just flipped and was screaming at my accusing me of cheating on him (not that i even had the time to with how closely he monitored where i was and how long for), and then he choked me. he had both hands around my neck and was pushing so hard he basically threw me into the bathroom wall. then after he realized what he was doing he smashed his head into the bathroom mirror and came into my room begging me to kill him. every night after that i was terrified to stay and terrified to leave and terrified to do anything at all. i really thought killing myself would be how id finally get out. then the night with the police happened and now im staying with my mom and stepdad because i literally do not feel safe anywhere else.

or at least i didn't until i was able to sleep all night with you. i did not think i would ever feel safe sleeping with a guy again and now i miss waking up next to you.

there is so much about you that freaks me out but literally not one red flag and that also freaks me out. i know im a mess. you have a nice normal stable life and im sure you dont want a messy trauma bitch all up in it. but fuck Dillon, if you dont want to see me why the fuck are we always talking

like i know i have done everything possible to get you to keep your distance and all i know how to do is self sabotage but like i can't anymore. i am not capable of acting chill again for another whole fucking month and then imagine you hooking up with way hotter girls and cry every fucking night because i caught feelings for the fuckboy. i miss you, literally, all the time. i check my phone every morning just to see if i have a message from you. i think about you every night. and yes the way you fuck me is literally the best sex ive ever had but i am beyond dick crazy about you. i love just being around you. i could listen to you talk for hours, just nonstop. i am already daydreaming about dates we could go on next summer. and i want to tell you all this but i feel so stupid for feeling anything at all for you when you make me feel like i just dont matter to you and im just an ego boost for you.

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