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skylarinfinity · 5 months

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male reader : [first time ever met voldemort] what happened to your nose?

voldemort : [annoying] shush child, is that even matter?

male reader : no really, but i'm just curious [shrugs]

voldemort : listen-

male reader : you know, you can just lie than your nose will become longer-

voldemort : wha-

male reader : hermione, she give me this muggles book title pinocchio when you lie your nose will grow longer-

voldemort : [sneered] don't tell me about that mudblood-

male reader : dude?! at least she have nose!

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy

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m00nagegaydream · 2 years

Conversation

Voldemort: Narcissa, where is Lucius?

Narcissa: He says he's having a bad hair day, My Lord.

Voldemort: Tell him to get his ass over here. At least he HAS hair.

#voldemort #lord voldemort #incorrect voldemort #incorrect death eater quotes #incorrect voldemort quote #incorrect narcissa #narcissa malfoy #narcissa black #lucius malfoy #lucius malfoy headcanons #harry potter #Incorrect Harry potter quotes #incorrect harry potter

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coldemergency · 9 months

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Voldemort: I can touch you now!

Harry: *Moans* Be gentle, it's my first time

Voldemort:

Voldemort: Why do you always have to make it weird?

Harry: If I stop being weird I'll literally die

#harry potter #incorrect quotes #tomarry #fanfic #tom riddle #harry potter is a menace #harrymort #voldemort #fanfiction #hp #tomarrymort #ao3 #bad flirting

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bruhseidon · 3 months

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Y/N: Look at your dad. Such a dork, keeping snakes. I mean, it’s… at least it’s interesting, though. At least, like… I wish my dad kept snakes. I mean, it’s kind of cute. Like… your dad keeps snakes. How old is your dad? He’s obviously snake-keeping age. I don’t know, I think it’s kind of sweet. Mattheo, I wanna fuck your dad—

Mattheo, annoyed: Oh, really?

#harry potter #tom riddle #tom riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x reader #voldemort #voldemort x reader #incorrect harry potter #source: rick and morty

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pearlstiare · 1 year

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Real footage of Tom Riddle on Hogsmeade after his date with Y/N - NEW FLASH *he got a kiss*

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crackishincorrecthp · 2 months

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Harry: I hope no one lowkey hates me... Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being. Go big or go home! Voldemort does it right! Hermione & Ron: Hermione & Ron: Harry-

#harry potter incorrect quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect hp quotes #harry potter #harry james potter #hermione granger #hermione jean granger #ronald weasley #ron weasley #ronald bilius weasley #tom riddle #tom marvolo riddle #lord voldemort #voldemort

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oxydiane · 2 years

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harry: my old archenemy, draco malfoy

voldemort: i thought i was your archenemy?

harry: i have a life outside of you, tom

#i know i made a post about this already #but it’s so fcking funny still #harry potter #draco malfoy #voldemort #tom riddle #drarry #tomarry #just for the tags #soo talks #harry james potter #incorrect harry potter #incorrect harry potter quotes

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king-of-horny · 14 days

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When Tom fell in love with Harry, he thought he had fallen ill

But when Harry fell for Tom, he thought he'd gone mad

#harry potter #young voldemort #voldemort #lord voldemord #tom riddle #tom x harry #tomarry #incorrect golden trio quotes #golden trio era

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iamnmbr3 · 2 months

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Voldemort: I am the greatest Legilimens to ever live. No one can lie to me.

Snape, Draco and Narcissa: 😅 haha yeah... Definitely. No one could get anything past you. If someone lied to you to secretly help Harry Potter you'd definitely find out instantly. So no need to worry about it... 😅😅😅

#crack #Harry Potter #Harry Potter crack #incorrect harry potter quotes #humor #Snape #Draco Malfoy #narcissa malfoy #my post #q #drarry #Voldemort

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skylarinfinity · 2 months

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[male reader accidentally found voldemort and death eaters]

voldemort : oh don't you running to tell everyone [cup male reader face to shut him out]

male reader : [bite voldemort hand than scream] professor's help, voldemort is trying to steal my nose!!

harry : [who been hiding behind pillar can stop his laugh] oh shit-

death eaters : dark lord, it's harry potter behind those pillar-

voldemort : [rolling his eyes] yes, i can hear him too.

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy @loving-wanda-in-every-universe

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eris-eveningstar · 2 months

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Harry: You remind me of a Greek hero.

Tom, having no idea where this came from: Thank you, darli—

Harry: —in that your main flaw is hubris and you're doomed by yourself. Like Sisyphus.

Tom, knowing damn well his pleas for Harry to read more have bitten him in the ass: ...You couldn't have chosen someone better to compare me to? Like Odysseus, perhaps?

Harry: I'm not going to be Penelope.

#tomarry #tomarrymort #harry potter #tom riddle #harrymort #voldemort #incorrect tomarry quote #incorrect quotes

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hxuse-xf-black · 10 months

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16-year-old Tom Riddle: Do you know anything about horcruxes? Specifically, how to create them? Slughorn: Horcruxes? What is this for? Tom Riddle: Fun.

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coldemergency · 5 months

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Voldemort: You give the absolutely worst advice

Harry: It didn't work?

Voldemort: No Harry, showing up at Hogwarts with a cake that says "I'm sorry for killing all those people" did not help

Harry: Weird. Dumbledore loves cake...

#harry potter #incorrect quotes #fanfic #harry potter is a menace #fanfiction #hp #tomarry #tom riddle #voldemort #harrymort #tomarrymort #tmrhp #dumbledore #hogwarts #hp au #lord voldemort

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marauderenergy · 1 year

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Voldemort: *fires a spell at Harry and misses*

Harry: strike one

Voldemort, firing another spell: that’s not how this works!

Harry: strike two! One more and you’re out

Voldemort, under his breath: fuck

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lostmyremembrall · 11 months

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Tom Riddle, a man of sophistication

Tom: I don't play a barbaric game like quidditch. I prefer chess, a more sophisticated-

Y/N: We all remember you projectile vomiting in our first flying lesson.

Tom Riddle Incorrect Quotes

@buckysmetalhand @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @percy-the-hufflepuff

#tom riddle fluff #tom riddle x fem!reader #tom riddle x gn!reader #tom riddle oneshot #tom riddle #tmr #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle incorrect quotes #tom riddle imagines #lord voldemort #tom marvolo riddle #harry potter incorrect quotes #tom riddle fanfiction #harry potter #tom riddle x you #tom riddle au #tom riddle fic #harry potter fanfiction

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rxsilabeth--er · 6 months

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death-eaters on crack...

Barty Crouch Jr: *speaking to camera* So for those who don't know, our Lord's spouse is the smartest person in the world!!!

Tom Riddle: No they aren't Barty!

Barty: THEY ARE! LORD'S SPOUSE!! How many seas are there in Asia?

Y/N: There's no C's in Asia. A-S-I-A! Simple!

Tom: That's not the fucking question!

Barty: LORD! How many continents are there??

Tom: There's 7 continents!

Y/N: There's 21 continents and 5 vowels!! You're fucking stupid, that's what you are!

Tom: THAT'S CONSONANTS! YOU GOBLINSHIT!!

Barty: GO ON LORD'S SPOUSE, PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE!! Final question~ What time is it in China?? Right now.

Y/N: It's 25 past 4!

Tom: HOW CAN IT BE 25 PAST 4 IN CHINA WHEN IT'S FUCKING 25 PAST 4 HERE?!

Y/N: THAT CLOCK WAS MADE IN CHINA!!! And it says 25 past 4, you haven't a fucking clue!!

Tom: YOU'RE A GOBLINSHIT!

Bellatrix: There's always one in the family, don't worry mammy we still love you *pats Tom Riddle's hand*

Tom: YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M SICK OF YOU SHITS!!

@sor--en

#tom marvolo riddle #tom riddle #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle x y/n #tom riddle incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #incorrect marauders quotes #found family #y/n incorrect quotes #harry potter incorrect quotes #tom riddle imagines #tom riddle x you #lord voldemort #voldemort

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