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cinnamonest · 3 years

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//extra toxic fuckboy behaviors especially at the end, impreg, slutshaming, blackmail, mildly sexist But anyway instead of Childe drugging post have Childe drunk sex post Childe with a cute fem subordinate darling. The thing is, he doesn't actually drug you, per se. It's a little more deceptive than that -- you're certainly under the influence, though. Like Kaeya, he's only doing this if he's reached a point where he's desperate. You've turned him down over and over, he's tried everything he can to get you to fuck him and you won't. He's frustrated and blueballed and that's a very unfortunate combination for poor darling, because he's considerably less nice when he's frustrated. But that's what you deserve. If you were good and just let him fuck you all those times he tried before -- and believe him, he tried a LOT -- then this wouldn't have to happen. He tried so many times, and he tried everything he knows! All the lines he rehearsed in his head didn't work, and he came on pretty heavy, leaving him just feeling sad and bitter. Obviously you want him, how could you not, so he’s just doing something wrong. He's your superior, he could just, dunno, demand it? But that would feel kinda emasculating, to be honest, at least, more so than the plan he does settle on. And that's why you won't be knocked out, not all the way. He's very particular about it. He doesn't have anything against this morally, no, it's normalized to him, and it's not like he'd get in trouble. Granted, he has plenty of drugs available. It's pretty well known that the Fatui guys do this kind of thing pretty frequently, the men go in groups to taverns in Mondstadt and pick through girls and even some young guys to find the most naive and gullible to spike and lure away when they start swaying. Luckily for those, at least, it's a one time ordeal they can forget and move on from, but you aren't going to be so lucky. Nor does he need to drug you to get what he wants. He thinks you're a little stupid, really. You accept his invitation so quickly. Camped out in the wilderness with nothing but liquor and your own two selves. For a moment, it occurs to him he doesn't even need to put you under the influence, he could just force you right here and you couldn't do a thing. Still, he did have to pay a bit to get this nice stuff, so he might as well, and he can't afford you screaming and drawing attention from a potential passerby. So he watches you take the cup designated as yours, and before you can even take a moment to question or doubt, he challenges you. You can't outdrink him, he says. Bet you're a lightweight. You'd probably get sick a few shots in. Where he's from, people actually know how to hold their alcohol, unlike you weak-livered people. And of course, you scoff, you fold your arms, you insist he's wrong, just as he knew you would, just as he hoped you would. And he just smiles at you. Ok, prove it then. You glare back and say you're on. You don't question that he's pouring out of two separate flasks. You can't see the color difference between the liquids in the darkness of the night sky, nor the grimace on his face as he drinks -- maybe he should have brought water from the town rather than filling his flask out of the river, yuck. Your determined face is so cute. Your eyelids start to get heavy. You scrunch your face as your blink and try to stay alert. You drop one of your shots on the ground and he smiles and says maybe you should just accept defeat. You shake your head and keep going. Admittedly, he's actually a bit impressed, you got more than he thought you would by the time you finally drop the glass for good and slump on the ground. Whew. About time, he was starting to get sick of drinking so much water. And you do twitch a bit, open your eyes and stumble around and mutter something about not accepting defeat, you'll prove him wrong, but he just laughs and picks you up and drags you into the tent with ease. He likes it when you're not blacked out all the way. That's why drugging you would have been no fun. This way, your eyes open just a bit, heavily lidded and blinking, you mumble out incoherent words. You protest just a bit when you feel your clothes slide off -- what are you... but you don't finish the question. He's a good guy, really, he cares about you, which is why he does a quick check and feels your skin to make sure you're not actually under any alcohol poisoning or something, but your skin is warm and dry, not clammy. Good, now you can get to the good part. He thinks about how grateful you should be. His friends and subordinates even have teased him for the longest time because he won't just go out with them to try to get lucky somewhere or participate in their drugging of randoms, no, he's whipped, they snicker, obsessed with this one little bitch that just won't put out. He can't say they're wrong, and that irritates him even more that you humiliated him like that. Which is why this isn't just a one time thing, no, this is part of the plan. He talks to you while he fucks you, maybe you'll remember some of it, maybe not. Actually, hopefully not everything, since he more or less admits how desperate he is in his lust-hazed rambling, how much it's irritated him that you wouldn't just be his and let him fuck you. Why can't you just admit you like him? Why do you have to play hard to get? He rambles about how soft your body is. How good pussy really does feel, holy shit, those guys were right, it's so warm and grips his dick so nicely. Not that he'd limit himself to that, while he's got you like this he might as well put his dick in your limp mouth, but admittedly he imagines that would feel a lot better if you were awake and actually sucking on it. Your mouth moves just a bit, and in your nearly-blacked-out state your tongue runs over the intrusion and you let out the softest confused little sound, but that's all you do. But he makes sure to breed you, cumming several times, all deep deep deep inside of your tight cunt. Again, part of the plan. Just not the most important part of the plan. The most important part is the kamera. It captures moment after moment. The first round he just leaves it aside, takes time to really just live in this sweet, precious moment... and then he breaks the kamera out. Gets all the nice shots with his dick in your holes. Gets a few full body ones, makes sure it's unmistakable as you. Captures your cute drunk face, with your eyes open just a bit, it looks like you're just awake but eyes lidded from arousal. You look awake. Willing. And so, when he finally goes to sleep, he does so very very happily and confident. And when you wake up, he was so rough that there's absolutely no doubt as to what transpired. Your throat and pussy are sore as hell, you're both naked in bed and his cum is still leaking out of you. The regret and shame comes crashing down, holy shit, you slept with your boss that's been trying to fuck you for ages now and your life is over. You'll have to transfer or something. But then... you know you drank on your own choice, but something feels... wrong. He's heavily snoring away, so in morning light you spot the flasks from last night. Your head is pounding, but you make your way over to the first one, and take a swig and spit it back out, yeah, that's the stuff you had... and then take a swig from the other... and when you taste water it all clicks. Bastard. You shake him awake in fury and immediately start telling him off, cursing and snarling. He was half expecting that, to be honest. Sure, obviously you want him, but he gets that you'd be a little mad over the way you got what you wanted, and you’re just embarrassed because you were so dumb, you're just hysterical like that. And you’re just naturally ashamed after fucking, like most girls apparently are, he gets that. But he just smiles and laughs in your face. It cuts deep, it's like a knife in your stomach, because you know why. He's untouchable, even if people believed you, nothing will happen to him, and he knows that. He has nothing to fear. You grit your teeth and your eyes tear up and your lip quivers and you finally drop your head and sniffle, asking him to just take me back. You'll quit, transfer to another department, and then, you tell him bitterly, I'll never have to see you again, at least. And that's what makes his smile drop. You're not gonna do that, he says. Your eyes widen with some new horror when you see the pictures. He talks to you like a child, in that dumb oversimplified way of speech, it's degrading and dehumanizing. Explains that this is how it's gonna go. You're gonna keep being his little subordinate. You're gonna be his girlfriend, publicly. And you're gonna fuck him whenever he wants. If you decide you don't like that, the entire branch, hell, the entire organization sees these photos. You have a very easy, simple choice. It's up to you to decide what happens. Oh, and you're probably pregnant, by the way, he timed this whole thing based on that calendar you keep that he snuck a look at. Would hate for you to have to deal with that on your own, right? People do envy you, down the line. How easy your job must be, since you're nothing more than an assistant now. Everyone knows you're just fucking the boss, that's probably how you got that position in the first place, right? And it's not like he doesn't make it obvious. Whenever he gets with the group of guys at his own level, when they all start saying horrendous things about the women they work with and sharing over-embellished tales as men do, he has plenty of very detailed stories to brag about the cute girlfriend he has. How she drops to her knees at any given moment, and how good and tight she is, and how eager she is, how much she loves fucking him, worships him, he's not like the pathetic bastards that have to go drug some poor unsuspecting thing once a month or so, no, he can get all the sweet, devoted pussy he wants at any time. He has the pictures to prove it! They roll their eyes because they've seen the pictures a hundred times now, everyone has, he shows every guy he works with, and they all know not to tell her that they've seen them. Even if they did, it wouldn't matter, she'd be dumb to leave him this late into pregnancy anyway.

#yan.txt #.ch #this fuckboy i s2g

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fandomvariousness · 3 years

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Caught

Pairing: Eren x reader

Warnings: swearing, angst, violence, smut: fingering, slight dubcon, power play, choking

Summary: Eren fu*ks you through the bars of his cell. YEP. That’s it.

Word count: 2k

A/N: We love deranged Eren supremacy, don’t we ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡•)

It always takes just a slightest moment of distraction.

You couldn’t take your eyes of the Attack titan, who has also happened to be your lover, tearing everything apart. You were standing in a stupor on the edge of some building, aware that you’re having an unforgivable meltdown, yet you couldn’t move a limb. How has it come to this?

Just as you were regaining your common sense, a giant hand swatted you away like you were nothing but a pesky fly. You managed to see the Jaw titan scurrying away as your back hit the hard brick wall of another building before you plummeted down, what, 3, 4 stories?

The pain was excruciating: your head was pulsating unbearably, vision fuzzy, taste of blood in your mouth.

“Fuck,” you muttered as you tried to get yourself together and ignoring the severe injuries stood up.

Yet you only managed to get on all fours before feeling your consciousness slip away.

Your eyes fluttered open as you felt your consciousness tap back into you. You groaned in slight pain and started to get up, but was pushed back down by a soft hand.

“Please, don’t move.” It was Mikasa.

“Mikasa,” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes. “What’s going on?”

She remained silent as you forced your eyes to open properly and immediately regretted it. You’ve never seen Mikasa with such grim an expression that she wore now.

“Mikasa…” you repeated, afraid to ask what’s wrong.

She gulped. “Sasha’s dead. She’s been shot after two Marleyan kids snuck into the airship.”

You felt the shock run down your throat, dispersing all over your body.

“Shit,” you mumbled, trying to control the shaking. “Shit…”

“She’s already buried. You’ve been unconscious for some time.”

You were wiping your tears away that couldn’t stop streaming. After a while, you mustered up the strength to ask about him.

“And Eren? Where is he?”

Mikasa let her head hang even lower.

You sauntered over to the deep basement, where Eren was being held. You told no one you were coming, especially not Hange or Levi. All of the events were too much for you, and you just needed to lay eyes on him to know whether what they say is true.

You don’t want to believe any of it, but you saw with your own eyes how the Attack Titan destroyed the city. No remorse, no hesitation – just destruction.

Dimly lit stone hallways gave off eerie atmosphere, the flames dancing with the shadows in every crack and crevice. You knew no one was here except for you and Eren in his cell further away, but you felt like you were being watched. Watched by the dark.

As you approached his cell, still slightly limping, you heard him muttering something.

“Fight… Fight…”

You gulped and finally stepped into the light, taking in the sight of Eren at the same time: his damp hair was gathered in a bun, his lean yet muscular frame leaning to the sink with his hands, staring dead in the eyes of his own reflection.

You forced yourself to stop staring at his bare, toned torso before you diverted your gaze to his face, trying to catch his eyes, yet he wasn’t interested, he didn’t even acknowledge your presence.

“Eren?” you croaked out, slightly wavering on your intentions. Maybe you shouldn’t’ve come here, especially how he acted with Hange not so long ago.

He sighed silently and let his head hang a little lower, with his eyes closed – obviously annoyed. “I thought the visiting hours were over.”

Oh, so he’s being cheeky? After all of you risked your lives for his selfish intentions, after Sasha died, after you almost died, after each of you abandoned your morals and did what Eren wanted you to do.

You felt yourself burn with odium – you realized you’ve never been this angry on him before.

“Look at me, you, jackass,” you spat angrily, striding over to the bars and rattling them with both of your hands. “All of this so funny to you, huh??”

His knuckles whitened as he was clearly restraining himself from acting out against you.

“Y/N…” he growled alarmingly, few orange sparks jolting around his frame.

Your heart stuck in your throat, yet you forbid yourself to show him how terrified you were.

You chuckled. “Ooh, go ahead, just blow this whole building away, because you don’t even care about us, right??”

You heard the sink creak before he threw himself towards the bars, rattling them in rage a single time, as if to shake you off. Naturally, you drew back a bit, but didn’t let go of the bars.

Both of you were breathing heavily, staring each other dead in the eyes.

“Eren, I swear, I would slap you so hard if –”

If not for these damn bars, you were going to say, but the airflow was cut off when his calloused hand wrapped around your neck and drew you flush against the bars, metal squeezing against your sore skin.

You didn’t lose your cool as your eyes were still having a battle of their own, Eren’s fingers squeezing into your skin to the point of teasing.

“Go ahead and try.”

You slightly bit your lower lip as you stretched out your hand between the bars, squeezing your own dainty palm against his thick neck. That did almost nothing, of course, but you were showing him that you won’t cower before him like he expects you to.

He noted that as the corner of his lips twitched ever so slightly. “You’re feisty today.”

You cursed yourself mentally as you felt blush creep up your cheeks – not in a million years you’d want to give in to him in this situation, but your body was acting on its own.

You curtly pushed him away with the hand you were holding his neck as he released his own grip, yet the look didn’t break.

You were genuinely pissed on Eren – you wanted to have a nice, calm talk with him and find out what’s really going on, but he’s being even more stubborn than usual.

You sighed. “Sorry to disturb your… slumber.” you noted snarkily and turned around to walk away, yet Eren’s hand wrapped around your throat from behind in one swift motion and dragged you back.

Your body hit the bars painfully, making you wince.

“You wound me up, and now you’re going away?” he muttered smokily against the back of your ear, lips as close as the bars allowed.

You grunted as you tried to pry his fingers off of your skin when his other hand snaked around your waist, barring your escape completely.

“Am I your hostage now?” you breathed out, feeling your stomach flutter as Eren’s breath tickled your skin.

The hand around your waist snuck under your white long-sleeve shirt, leaving a scalding-hot trail in its wake. “Kind of.”

You managed to suppress a moan, but your eyelids fluttered down on their own.

“Didn’t you miss me?” he whispered, his hand kneading your breast as the other tightened around your neck.

Heat was continuously pooling in your lower stomach as you hummed in agreement.

“Didn’t catch that,” he jerked your body against the bars, rattling them. “What was it again?”

You winced and gripped the bars above your head with both of your hands. “I missed you.” you wailed louder than intended.

You didn’t see it, but you sure as hell felt him smirk.

His tongue brushed against the nape of your neck, coaxing out a quick moan out of you, making Eren release a breathy laugh. “I missed your cute sounds.”

You blushed even harder as you flailed your hand in air for a second, searching for Eren’s head before you found it and burrowed your fingers in his dark hair, messing up his bun.

“Eren,” you breathed out and he knew exactly what to do – he always did.

Normally, he would tease and edge the shit out of you, but having being apart longer than ever, he himself was eager to touch and feel you.

His hand left your neck and snuck under the waistline of your leggings and panties, gliding his fingers through your slick core.

You shivered as he breathed out. “All that rage got you so wet for me.”

“Yes,” you whined squirming against the bars, feeling his own hardness against your behind.

He circled your clit, his own pants feeling tighter and tighter. You felt like your skin was glowing from all the heat and for a moment you wished so hard these damn bars would melt from that same heat, leaving no barrier between the two of you.

Eren’s expert hands were making you moan louder and louder before you felt an intrusion in your mouth as he slipped two digits inside. “You don’t want Hange to interrupt our quality time, do you?”

You yelped as he pushed a finger inside your core – it was just one finger, but you were already on the brink of overstimulation.

“E-Eren,” you croaked after a few moments. “Need your cock, please,”

The battle between your mind and your body was long non-existent as you admitted you’re such a mess for him, like always. You always got caught in his web, and this time is no exception.

You lowered your hand to stroke the obvious tent in his pants, making him groan oh-so-sexily.

He didn’t hesitate as he hooked his fingers under the hem of your pants and underwear as he pulled them down to your knees, a waft of air hitting your wet center. You didn’t even mind the bars painfully pushing against your skin and bones anymore.

You gripped the metal above your head again as Eren aligned himself with your entrance, his fingers digging into your hips as he pushed inside, the sweet stretching ache turning into blazing pleasure almost immediately.

You let out a prolonged moan at the cacophony of these sensations as Eren started to move.

“So tight, always so tight,” Eren mumbled, losing himself in you too.

His tip hit your G-spot, what wasn’t surprising since he knew every inch of you and was always marking your responses to his ministrations. He knew exactly how to make you lose your mind.

The bars were rattling real loud as he pounded into you as if the barrier was non-existent, both of you ignoring the pain from constantly hitting the hard metal.

“Missed my dick, didn’t you?” it was more like a statement than a question, what made you feel dirty and was a final point of tipping you towards you release.

“Eren!” you yelped. “I’m gonna cum,” you were a hot mess, tongue lolling out of your mouth slightly.

He felt your cunt clench around him, indicating that you’re indeed so close, as he pounded into you hard a few times more, one hand cupping your breast and the other on your stomach. You released a short, high-pitched moan when you finally fell, seemingly straight into his embrace.

He pumped into you chasing his own release as you were coming back to your senses, holding on to the bars for dear life as you finally felt his seed spill inside you, your bodies becoming one despite the obvious division.

He held you against the bars with his arms snaked around your waist for a few moments more as you both tried to steady your breathing.

“Really missed you,” Eren muttered quietly, his breath tickling your neck sweetly.

You pulled up your leggings as he did the same with his own pants and turned around to face him, cupping his face with your hand, gently this time.

“I’m so glad you’re back.” was all you could say as you got emotional all of a sudden, seeing his face snuggle into your palm, resembling a small, stray puppy, so desperate for comfort.

He smiled slowly. “You’re not angry on me anymore, are you?”

You released a breathy laugh. “I won’t be if you watch that filthy mouth of yours from time to time.”

“But you like it filthy, don’t you?”

You bit your lower lip. “I do.”

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davidmann95 · 3 years

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Sooo… Superman and the Authority?

magnus-king123 asked: Your thoughts on Superman & the authority Give it to me...lol

Anonymous asked: Seeing Bezos take his little trip into space the same day Morrison puts out a Superman comic that touches on how far we’ve fallen from the days when we dreamed of utopian futures where everyone explored the stars was a big gut punch. Not used to Superman being topical in that way.

Anonymous asked: What'd you think of Superman and the Authority#1?

This is far beyond what I can fit in the normal weekly reviews, so taking this as my notes on the first six pages, with this and this as my major lead-in thoughts:

* Janin's such a perfect fit for Morrison - the scale, the power, the facial expressions selling the character work, the screwing around with the panel formatting as necessary to sell the effect, the numinous sense of things going on larger than you can fully perceive amidst the beauty and chaos. It's a shame he wasn't around 25 years ago to draw JLA, but I'll take him going with Morrison onto other future projects.

* His intro action sequence is such a great demonstration of why Black actually does have something to offer, and also how he's such a dumbass desperately needing Superman to save him from himself.

* While Jordie Bellaire didn't legit go with an entirely monochromatic palate the way early previews suggested, it's still an effect frequently and excellently deployed here. And glad to see Steve Wands carry into this from Blackstars since there's such an obvious carryover from its work with Superman.

* "Gentlemen. Ladies. Others." Great both because of the obvious - hey, Superman's nodding at me! - and because it's a phrasing that reinforces that this take on him (and let's be real Morrison) is old as hell.

* I'm mostly past caring about whether this is an alt-Earth Superman until it becomes indisputable one way or another, this and Action both rule so what does it really matter? But while there are still a couple signs in play suggesting some kind of division (the Action Comics #1036 cover, Midnighter up to time-travel shenanigans) the "lost in time" quote clearly thrown in after the fact to explain how he could have met Kennedy outside of 5G that wouldn't be necessary for an Elseworlds, the assorted gestures towards Superman's current status quo, the Kingdom Come symbol appearing in Action, and that Morrison would have had to completely rewrite the ending if this wasn't supposed to be 'the' version of Clark Kent going forward as was the intent when they first planned it all say to me that no, no fooling around, this is our guy going forward one way or another.

* Janin and Bellaire making the first version of the crystal Fortress ever that actually looks as cool as you want it to.

Anonymous asked: I like that Superman and The Authority is basically the anti-All-Star; instead of the laid back, immortal Superman who is supercharged, we have a stressed, ageing Superman whose tremendous powers are fading. The former will always be there to save us, but the latter is running out of time and needs to pull off a Hail Mary. Also, he mentions in his monologue to Black that he was "lost in time" when he met JFK, so maybe he is the main continuity Clark. Or he's the t-shirt Supes from Sideways.

* You're absolutely right - the power reversal is obvious and the ticking clock in play seemingly isn't for his own survival but everyone around him as he wakes up and realizes all the old icons grew complacent with the gains they'd made and he's not leaving behind the world he meant to. Both, however, are built on the idea of preparing the world to not need them anymore - it'll still have a Superman in his son, but that'll only work because of the others he empowers and inspires. The question is what happens to Clark if he's not going to live in the sun for 83000 years.

* Clark's 'exercise' here does more to sell me on the idea of Old Man Superman as a cool idea than however many decades of Earth 2 stuff.

* Intergang being noted alongside Darkseid and Doomsday speaks to how much Kirby informed Morrison's conception of Superman.

* This isn't exactly the most progressive in its disability politics but at least it makes clear Black's being a piece of shit about it.

* It's startling how much Clark can get away with saying stuff in here you'd never expect to come out of Superman's mouth. "I made an executive decision" "Privacy, really...?" "You have nowhere to go, Black. Nothing to live for." "There are few people in my life who I instinctively and viscerally dislike, and you've always been one of them." It only works because there's zero aggression behind it, he's just past the point of niceties and being totally frank while making clear none of these assessments preclude that he cares and is going to unconditionally do the right thing every time. He is absolutely, per Morrison, humanity's dad picking us up when we're too drunk to drive ourselves home.

* The story doesn't put a big flashing light over it, but it's not even a little bit subtle having the material threat of the issue be a ticking timebomb left by the carelessness and hubris of generations past.

* Manchester keeps trying to poke the bear and prove his hot takes about Superman and it's just not working. The front he put up under Kelley is gone after decades of defeats, and as Morrison understands what actually conceptually works about him as a rival to Superman underneath the aging nerd paranoia he's exposed as what he absolutely would be in 2021: a dude with a horrific terminal case of Twitter brainworms. I was PANICKED when I heard there was an 'offensive term' joke in this, I was braced for Morrison at their well-meaning worst, but it's such a goddamn perfect encapsulation of a very specific breed of Twitter leftist who uses their politics first and foremost as a cudgel and justification to label their abrasive, judgmental shittiness as self-righteousness (plus it's a killer payoff to a joke from way back in his original appearance). Cannot believe they pulled that off when they're so very, very open about basically not knowing how the internet works.

* @charlottefinn: Manchester Black using his telekinetic powers to force someone he hates to fave a problematic tweet so that he can screenshot it and start a dogpile

@intergalactic-zoo: “Once they cancel Bibbo, Superman won’t be *anyone’s* fav’rit anymore!”

* Friend noted this issue had to be fully the conversation because the whole premise stands on the house of cards of these two somehow working together, and with three 'silent' inset panels the creative team pulls off that turning point.

* So much of this feels on the surface like Morrison bringing back the All-Star vibes with Clark, but when he drops a "That's all you got?" in a brawl you realize what's underlining that bluntness and confidence in the face of failure is that deep down this is still the Action guy too. This dude ain't gonna get wrecked in his Fortress while the other guy chuckles about him being A SOFT WEE SCIENTIST'S SON!

* Bringing up Jor-El made me realize that Morrison already spelled out that this is the final threat to Superman, what he faces at the end of the road:

"Now it's your turn, Superman."

* A l'il Superman 2000/All-Star reference with the Phantom Zone map!

* There's so much intertextuality going on here even by Morrison standards - Change or Die with the old hero putting together a team of morally nebulous folks out to 'fix' everything, Flex Mentallo with the muscleman trying to redeem the punk, Doomsday Clock with the fate of the world hinging on whether Superman can get through to a meta stand-in for an idea of 'modern' comics cynicism, DKR and New Frontier and Kingdom Come and Multiversity and Seven Soldiers and What's So Funny and All-Star and Action and the last 5 years of monthly Superman comics and Authority and probably Jupiter's Legacy and Tom Strong - but none of that's needed. You could go in with the baseline pop cultural understanding of the character and not care about any of the inside baseball shit and get that this is a story about a leader of a generation that let down the people they made all their grand promises to as inertia and day-to-day demands and complacency let him be satisfied with the accomplishments they'd made long ago, looking at a new era and seeing the ways its own activists are dropping the ball. The only thing that fundamentally matters in a "you have to accept you're reading a superhero story" sense is that because he's Superman he's willing to own up to it and listen to people who might know better about some things and try to set things right while he and those who'll take his place still have a chance. And yes, the oldster looking back on their legacy with a skeptical eye and hoping for better from the next generation, hoping most of all that their little heir apparent can fulfill the promise inside of him instead of being a provocating little shitkicker, is obviously also autobiographical.

* The overlaying Kennedy reprisal is such a great visual of a sudden intrusive thought.

* The Kryptonite secret is the obvious "This is going to matter!" moment, but "He lied about his son" is a bit that doesn't connect to anything going on right now so maybe that's important here too? More significantly, the Justice League can't actually be the villains here but that Ultra-Humanite's crew are in an Earth-orbiting satellite makes pretty clear what's up.

* I've said before that between Superman, OMAC, and a New Gods-affiliated speedster this was going to use all of Morrison's favorite things. King Arthur playing a role isn't exactly dissuading me.

* Love the idea that all the antiheroes have their own community in the same way as the capes and tights crew. They definitely all privately think the rest are posers though and that they alone are Garth Ennis Punisher in a mob of Garth Ennis Wolverines.

* Manchester's fallen so far he's gone from trying to convince Superman to kill to convince him to dunk on people for their bad takes and Clark just doesn't get it. Official prediction of dialogue for upcoming issues:

"According to these bloody Fortress scans, the only thing that can restore your powers is an unfiltered hit of dopamine. Don't worry, Doctor Black has a few ideas."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll plant a nice tree?"

"...fuck you."

* Ok I already talked about how great the Fortress looks in here but LOVE this library.

* A pair of pages this seems like the right spot to discuss from Black's original appearance that underlines both his and Superman's inadequacies up to this point:

Responding to the problem of "the government and penal system are hopelessly corrupt" neither of them has any actual notion of what to do about it in spite of their respective posturing beyond how to handle individual outside actors - each is in their own way every bit as small-minded and reactionary as the other. Clark's coming around though, and he's holding out hope for the other guy.

* Superman: Have a lovely mineral water :) proper hydration is important :)

Manchester Black: *Is a dude who can get so mad he vomits and passes out. At water.*

* That last page is the one to beat for the year, and does more to put over the idea of this as an Authority book than that Midnighter and Apollo are literally going to show up. It also feels like Morrison tacitly acknowledging all the ways the premise could go or at least be received wrong - from Superman saying 'enough is enough' to who he's bringing into the fold to go about it - in the most beautifully on-the-nose fashion imaginable. Maybe they'll save us all! Or maybe they'll drown us in their vomit.

#Superman and The Authority #Superman #The Authority #Manchester Black #Grant Morrison #Mikel Janin #Jordie Bellaire #Steve Wands #Opinion

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neopronounsmybelovaed · 2 years

Note

Seen an ask that said people can't "hate to your face" so here I am off anon :) I'm not hating you. I get it, to an extent. I'm uncomfortable (formerly triggered but I've gotten better with it) by the word r*pe. I used to ask that people censor it when talking to me or avoid using it. It would be great if people either didn't tag their stuff at all (so you could only find it by searching through their blog) or tagged it as cw/tw r*pe. However, the word r*pe is not a mental disorder. You have OCD, that's clear. It's fine to be triggered by whatever, but your actions affect others. Using a tw for a small mention of the acronym OCD, not even talking about intrusive thoughts or anything, will affect how other people view OCD and people that have it. It is exactly the same as using a tw for autism. Intrusive thoughts are made worse by avoiding them. The main treatment for intrusive thoughts is facing them and learning to be okay with them. Maybe you're so triggered by your own disorder because you haven't learnt to face it yet. It's a long path, I'm well aware, but it's a necessary one. I'm mentally ill. I have bipolar disorder, autism, DPD, among other things. I've been hospitalized for sh and suicide attempts. I have disordered eating. I struggle too, but I sure as hell don't tw my own existence. My disorders are a part of me and they're never going away, and avoiding them won't do anything except make me miserable. Call me ableist or whatever, but other people have to see that you're using a tw for a disorder that other people experience. Other people are affected by your actions, and it's really shitty how you can so conveniently ignore that.

Oh hey, anon shows xyr face. I'm going to answer this and then impolitely request that you block me and leave me the fuck alone, okay?

Here is how my brain works.

I am existing

I see any mention of OCD

I think "oh! OCD! that's the thing where i think about killing my family!" (or any number of other intrusive thoughts)

I am now thinking about killing my family

I am having a panic attack.

I can sometimes break the cycle between steps, that's true. But more often than not, once I hit 2. I end up at 5. So I try to break things up between 1 and 2. That's what's safest for me.

I've done exposure tasks, and it's still hard for me. I understand that exposure is important, but like I said, I want it to be a controlled environment. I want to be doing an assignment from my therapist after taking time to prepare myself mentally. I don't want exposure while mindlessly scrolling through tumblr. There is a time and a place.

And yes, OCD is an aspect of my identity- I get that. (First of all, it's a lot easier for me to see OCD as a separate entity to myself because I don't like thinking of the violent intrusive thoughts as Me.) But I don't want to make it my whole identity. I'm a lot more than my OCD. And my OCD is a part of me, I don't want to just... deny that it's a difficult part to live with.

A vast majority of the people with OCD who follow me agree that they don't want to see OCD content unprepared. I'd imagine those who don't can still acknowledge that OCD is not something pleasant to be reminded about.

And as for other people? No one else knows jack shit about OCD. People see it as "quirky color coded note disorder." If they see a tw for it, they might determine that it's actually serious. Which is very much what I needed before getting diagnosed. And besides, it's not my responsibility how other people think of my disorder. I've made my stance on respectability politics pretty clear.

I don't want to demonize people with OCD, but I also don't want to give people with OCD panic attacks. Even if trigger warning was demonizing OCD (which it isn't, triggers don't hold any moral value, I've also had to filter hair because it was triggering once, etc etc, we've discussed this), based on the people with OCD I've interacted with, trigger warning does more good than harm.

Your last sentence is hilarious to me. "Other people are affected by your actions, and it's really shitty how you can so conveniently ignore that."

Buddy. I've told you OCD is triggering for me and you continue,,,, triggering me. I've been having anxiety attacks all day. I pulled out half of each eyebrow. I am very negatively affected by your actions, and you ignore that quite conveniently to continue harassing me. Which is really shitty.

Please just leave me alone. I have spent so much time and energy and obsessions and compulsions trying to defend my right to protect my mental health and set boundaries to not have panic attacks, and protect other people like me from said panic attacks. You are making me miserable, you're not changing my mind, and unless I change yours, I really just want to stop arguing.

#ocd discourse #discourse #not main content #ocd tw #intrusive thoughts tw #panic attack tw #cursing tw #arguing tw #negative tw #rape mention tw #ocd has SO much bigger problems than a neopronoun blog trying to protect spiralself #please start with erasing the whole ocd=neat freak thing bc if i'd gotten diagnosed earlier my life would be way better #same for a lot of other people with ocd #so if you really want to help stop just harassing ocd sufferers and actually make a damn difference

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mooza · 3 years

Text

why did Wilbur lie to Phil in his letters?

↳DSMP Analysis based on Fundy and Philza's 3/5/21 streams

In this post I will: list reasons why Will might have lied, say how likely I think that reason is and discuss why I believe said reason is or isn't fitting for Will's Character.

Tw: Discussion of Mental health and Suicide (C!wilbur).

Here are some popular possible reasons why Wilbur lied in his letters to philza:

Time travel

Wilbur wanted to manipulate Philza in order to continue down his dark path of villainy.

Wilbur lied to make himself look good because he has a big ego and wanted to make himself seem like a good person.

Wilbur lied to make himself look good because he wanted his father to be proud of him.

He didn't want his dad to worry about him.

Wilbur couldn't face the reality of his situation and decided to tell Phil the reality he wanted.

okay, so moving onto the analysis.

Time Travel

no. That's not how time works. If Karl had changed the past the ''new'' past would be fact and reality would be totally different. Chat just doesn't understand how time works. Not just unlikely, but impossible.

Wilbur wanted to manipulate Philza in order to continue down his dark path of villainy.

There is a possibility that this is true and a lot of people seemed to believe this in the stream chat but I don't think this really fits Wilbur's character. Wilbur did do manipulative things when he was originally alive but he never seemed to be the conniving, wilfully manipulative type of person. Almost all of his morally wrong actions can be attributed to his poor mental health, especially his paranoia. I don't really think that it's fitting for Wilbur to have manipulated his own dad like that for so long but its not impossible. Remember, Wilbur was never a really a bad person and he didn't even do anything ''bad'' until way after those letters stopped.

Wilbur lied to make himself look good because he has a big ego and wanted to make himself seem like a good person.

Not likely. These letters were coming from pogtopia era Wilbur. The Wilbur who wanted to kill himself because he believed himself to be a horrible person. There is no way you can make me believe that this Wilbur believed he was a good person (even though he was) or was actively trying to convince other people he was a good person.

[see his revival and tommy, are we the bad guys?]

Wilbur lied to make himself look good because he wanted his father to be proud of him.

This makes a hell of a lot of sense. Wilbur probably looked up to his dad quiet a lot and It's not too far fetched to theorise that Wilbur grew up hearing stories of his father's adventures and conquests with his old war friend, Technoblade. He knew his dad was be proud of him for starting a nation with his friends and he couldn't bear to to tell him the truth once his life started turning to shit. When some people started to turn against him and he believed everyone believed he was evil, he just wanted his dad to love him and be proud of him. So, he lied to make it seem like nothing was wrong

He didn't want his dad to worry about him.

Again, makes sense. Wilbur had a lot of enemies and probably believed he had even more than he did due to his paranoia and what better way to keep your dad from checking on you to feign normalcy. However, I'm slightly more inclined to believe the previous reason as it seems to fit pogtopia era Wilbur slightly better.

Wilbur couldn't face the reality of his situation and decided to tell Phil the reality he wanted.

Another strong one. I'm personally torn between this explanation and Will wanting to make his dad proud. It makes sense. Wilbur was in a very bad situation mentally and has shown to have trouble facing his situation. It is not unlikely that a suicidal Wilbur decided to tell his dad the reality he wished he was living. A reality where he was well and happy. Maybe it was to give himself small breaks from reality when he was pretending like it was all fine. Maybe it was comforting when nothing else could soothe the intrusive thoughts of worthlessness. Maybe there were brief moments where even Wilbur believed his lies. It can't be coincidence that a lot of the details in his letters are the ones that Ghostbur remembered. The memories Will wished he had.

[Major inspiration from this post]

Please let me know if there’s any spelling or grammar mistakes, I’m badly dyslexic

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gay-otlc · 3 years

Text

To Love Unafraid (With An Ugly, Poisonous Heart)

Summary: Fintan was silent for a long time. Then he nodded and said, "The life of a pyrokinetic is a lonely one. It's hard to get close to people. When you do, it's too easy to hurt them. It's best to just isolate yourself from the good parts of society. If the council doesn't lock you up, you lock yourself up. I'm sorry you had to manifest this curse. I'm sorry you're turning into a monster like me."

(Or, Marella has OCD, and her intrusive thoughts feature hurting Biana.)

Word count: 3374

Content warnings: Wow, this is gonna be a long list. Um. Intrusive thoughts and depictions of OCD is the main one. Severe guilt and self loathing. Cursing. Fire and (imagined) death/murder. Mentions of suicidal thoughts and self harm. Generally disturbing. And yes, I did warn you that this would be fucked up.

Written for Marelliana week. Would probably fit under day two (nightmares) but also a free day. Whatever. It's all Marelliana. @marelliana-week

Read on AO3

Every time Marella looked into Biana's eyes a little too long, she thought she would catch on fire.

It wasn't her fault Biana was so... Biana. Were there really any words for how wonderful ae was? Beautiful, one could say, but that would barely cover it. Yes, Biana was so fucking beautiful, so beautiful it was unfair, with mahogany skin and a wide smile and stiff, dark hair with streaks of lavender. Marella had never been especially poetic, but she wanted to color Biana with adjectives and metaphors until the page reflected even a tenth of aer beauty.

She couldn't write that beautifully, though. She could only watch aer and think that if she could freeze time right then, she would be happy forever.

"You're staring again," Biana said, a hint of a laugh in aer voice.

"Sorry! You're just... you're just really pretty."

Ae looked down, cheeks turning pink. Sheepishly, ae scratched the back of aer neck. "Aww. Thanks. You're the sweetest."

Biana's lips are the sweetest. They'd only kissed a few times, and before then, Marella had thought nothing could taste better challah. She'd been proven wrong. At the thought, she noticed she'd been staring specifically at Biana's pink lips. She blushed harder, looking away. Until warm skin touched her hand, and wrapped fingers around hers. Marella looked back, surprised. Biana chuckled quietly, the prettiest smile on aer face. Marella brushed her thumb over aer knuckles, wondering how the hell she'd gotten so lucky as to date the princaess next to her.

And then the princaess burst into flames. Ae was a girl on fire, stunning. Ae looked like a phoenix, a mythical creature even for the elves. But aer face didn't look triumphant or majestic or beautiful. Just scared. And sad. Aer skin turned charred, angry red burns blistering across aer face. The girl Marella loved crumpled into ashes.

She blinked. Biana was back, alive, not on fire, beautiful as ever. But Marella couldn't appreciate aer beauty nearly as much, because the image of Biana burning was seared into her mind.

Do it. Do it. Burn aer. You know you want to.

Marella ripped her hand out of Biana's.

"Love? You alright?"

Deep breaths forced their way out of Marella's lungs. She clenched her fists so hard her nails painfully dug into her palms. "Yeah," she choked. "Don't feel well."

"Oh." Biana gave her a sympathetic look, and she squeezed her fists tighter. She didn't deserve Biana's sympathy. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

Let aer stay. Talk to aer. Don't push aer away.

"No," she replied forcefully; half a scream, half a sob. Hurt flashed across Biana's face, and Marella somehow felt even guiltier. If she could snap at aer like that, what would stopping her from getting just angry enough to really snap and... well... see the scared, sad, girl on fire once again. She took a deep breath, feeling tears rise to her eyes. She looked away. "No, I think I'm just going to lie down. Thanks, though."

"Okay." Biana still looked worried. If she could have, she would have comforted aer. But she didn't know exactly how to explain I'm not sick, I don't have some life threatening disease, I'm just getting horrible visions of murdering you and I'd prefer not to let those visions become reality, because I couldn't stand to lose you, and I don't think I could be responsible for that without burning away my ugly heart and soul as well.

Once Biana tore aer gaze away from the mess that ae had the misfortune to love, and light leaped away, Marella let herself crumble. She didn't even wait to get up to her room and hide under her blankets. Just let her knees collapse as she sank to the grassy yard in front of her house. Her shoulders shook with sobs. It felt like she would explode with anger and guilt and fear, and if she wasn't careful, the fire that exploded out of her would burn everything else in her life as well. All the things she cared about.

(Biana Vacker.)

She'd had thoughts like this before. Attacking people she was close to. Usually physically, but sometimes verbally. Still, that was all before she manifested. The worst she had ever thought about doing to anyone would have left a few bruises. Not like this.

Not a pile of ashes where a girl used to be.

When she was a kid, she'd been confident that her mother's accident was her fault, that she was the one to push Caprise Redek. She needed constant reassurance that she had been in a completely different room of the house at the time, that she couldn't possibly be responsible. Her dad thought it was a grief response, the guilt, the nightmares with false memories.

It could have been, if it was just a one off. But lately, Marella had begun to think there was some sort of monster living in her brain, whispering these horrible thoughts. Trying to convince her to carry out its wicked instructions. She would beat her head trying to force it out.

That didn't work, of course. And ever since Marella manifested, it felt like the monster was on fire. Bigger. More powerful. The monster was just an entity of flames, wanting to burn anything and everything that had the misfortune to be in Marella's path.

Sometimes Marella thought she was the monster.

And monsters didn't deserve to collapse on the front lawn crying, mourning the girl she used to be, who wasn't a danger to everyone around her. The girl she could have been, if she was just a little less twisted.

Glaring, jaw clenched, she stood up and swiped an arm across her face. She screamed as loudly as she could, trying to force the monster and the fire and all the poison out of her. Then she took a deep breath. She needed to talk to someone about this, because the secret, or the monster, or both, would eat her from the inside if she didn't let some of it out. Obviously, she couldn't tell Biana. Nor her dad- he didn't need to be more worried about her than he already was. Nor any of her friends, they had a hard enough time trusting her already.

Marella needed advice from someone who was just as dark and twisted as she was, so she could escape all the judgement. Someone who knew about monsters. And fire.

She needed advice from Fintan.

Reluctantly, she took out the leaping crystal that directed her to her much-dreaded training sessions with Fintan. Once the world materialized around her, she shivered. I'm never going to get used to the cold here.

Maybe it'll freeze out the monster.

Don't be ridiculous. The monster will never leave. The monster is you. The monster won't die unless you die.

Then maybe it would be best if-

"Marella?" Fintan's raspy voice said, interrupting Marella's spiral of thoughts swirling down the drain, slowly disappearing just like any goodness, or sanity, she had. "What are you doing here?"

"I-" Marella swallowed. "I didn't have anywhere else to go."

"What about your girlfriend's house?" Fintan asked, smirking a little. Marella really hadn't done a very good job of hiding that.

"I can't go to her. I'm too dangerous to be around her. If she's too close to me, she'll get hurt."

"Because you're a pyrokinetic?"

"Because I'm a monster."

"Please. If you were a 'monster', you wouldn't resist every time I suggested you join the Neverseen. You're disgustingly concerned with morals."

The words spilled out before Marella could stop them. "I'm also disgustingly obsessed with burning the love of my life to a pile of ashes!" Fintan stayed silent, and for a heartbeat, Marella thought, This is it. She was such a monster she even horrified Fintan. But her mouth kept talking, and her heart kept bleeding. "There's a monster in my head, that tells me to do really horrible things, like- like kill Biana, set her on fire until she can't survive me, and the more it goes on, the more I realize I'm the monster, it's my own actions. The monster tells me I want to do those things, and why would I think it if I didn't want to carry it out?"

"Do you want to hurt Biana?" Fintan asked, his voice calm and collected as ever. What a dickhead.

"I don't know!" Marella screamed, spinning around to punch the wall. Her knuckles split apart, droplets of blood appearing on them. "Part of me, part of me loves her more than anything else, can't stand to see her in even the least bit of pain. And the other part wants her to burn. And I don't know which part is real, or how to stop the second part. All I know is I can't be around her. I'm too dangerous."

Fintan was silent for a long time. Then he nodded and said, "The life of a pyrokinetic is a lonely one. It's hard to get close to people. When you do, it's too easy to hurt them. It's best to just isolate yourself from the good parts of society. If the council doesn't lock you up, you lock yourself up. I'm sorry you had to manifest this curse. I'm sorry you're turning into a monster like me."

"I'm sorry too," said Marella, not quite knowing what she was apologizing for. And then she ran.

Where was she running to? She didn't know that. Just... away.

When she finally had to take a breath to catch her breath, calves burning and lungs aching, it finally occurred to her. Where the pyrokinetic monsters had to go. The only place in the world that the world could possibly be safe from her. She'd considered the Forbidden Cities, midway through her run, so she wouldn't hurt anyone she knew and cared about... but she could kill humans, and that was still monstrous. Same with any cities for the other intelligent species. If she was around people- any people- they'd be in danger.

Exile. She had to go to Exile. A place meant to keep the rest of the world safe from her.

But how the fuck do I get there?

Marella screamed. No one was allowed to hear her. She screamed, because she was so damn close to keeping everyone she loved safe, and at this last step she couldn't make it. How the fuck did she get to Exile? Did she turn herself in to the Council, have a tribunal? Would they lock her up? They fucking should. The Council had thrown innocent elves into Exile, they wouldn't mind banishing a Pyrokinetic with a fucked up brain.

To Eternalia, she supposed, since she didn't have many other options.

She leaped there, starting heading towards the Councillor's castle, barely able to focus on anything around her other than the screaming in her head and the thunderous beating of her ugly, poisoned heart. Which is how she didn't notice that there was a person right in her path... and how she managed to bump into them.

Aer.

Biana.

"Hey, watch where- Marella? Love? Are you alright?"

Just her luck, the person she needed to stay away from. "What are you doing here?" Marella blurted, before she could really think about it. It sounded harsh, and she saw the hurt flash across Biana's face.

Ae recovered quickly. "I was getting some work done for Team Valiant, since we weren't together; it's too hard to do it around you, your pretty face always distracts me." Under aer breath, ae mumbled something that sounded like Biana, you disastaer queer.

Normally, Marella was happy to laugh about being a disaster queer- a concept she was well acquainted with, but that was drowned out by the fact that Biana was still affectionate with her. Still found her pretty, wanted to date her, just as in love as ae was before. Why wouldn't ae be? Ae didn't know. But ae needed to know- it wasn't fair to keep lying to Biana, manipulate aer into thinking aer girlfriend was a good person.

"We need to break up," said the words spilling out of Marella's mouth. In horror, she watched as Biana's face fell, looking like slow motion. She could see the heartbreak dawn on aer, moment by moment.

Aer brown eyes filling with tears, ae whispered "Marella?"

"I- you can't- we- I need to go to Exile," Marella said. "We can't date if I'm in Exile."

"Why the fuck would you need to go to Exile? The fuck did you do?"

"Nothing yet. I'd like to keep it that way. Which is why I can't see you again."

"You're not making any sense, Marella!" The tears spilled onto aer cheeks, and whatever was left of Marella's ugly heart broke.

She didn't want to tell Biana. She really, really didn't want to look Biana in the eye and explain that she fantasized about killing aer. She would rather be anywhere else- preferably Exile- but Biana had a right to know why Marella was breaking up with aer. So she swallowed. "I... I get these thoughts," she started, not quite knowing how to verbalize this secret she'd kept so close to her forever. "About... hurting people. Hurting you. Earlier today, right before I left, I thought about killing you. Burning you. It was really vivid... I could see you on fire, looking so scared of me, before you turned to ashes and smoke. And then my brain whispered..."

Marella broke off into a sob, not daring to look at Biana's face. Ae probably hated her now. Ae hated herself too.

"It whispered, 'Do it. Burn aer. I know you want to.' I'm so fucked up, Biana, I'm too dangerous to be around you. Please just leave before you get hurt. I don't want to hurt you, but this monster that lives in my head wants me to. Or maybe the monster is me, it's all so fucked up, but I don't want to let the monster win, whatever it is. Protect yourself. Don't let it win."

"Marella..."

"Biana, please don't let it win! It would kill me to see you die, know it was all my fault... my heart's full of poison and seeing you die would still break it. I love you, I love you more than anything, which is why I have to keep you safe. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She turned away, almost crying too hard to speak. "I'm sorry. I'll just... I'll go."

Cold fingers wrapped around her wrist. "Not a chance in hell," snapped Biana, whirling Marella back around. "Don't you dare push me away. I am your girlfriend, and I call the shots on whether or not you're too dangerous to be around me. And the only danger you pose is trying to make my head explode from gay panic."

"Hello!? And also burning you!" Why the fuck couldn't ae understand? Ae needed to get away.

"I'll carry around a damn fire extinguisher, I don't care. I'm perfectly capable of handling myself in life or death situations. I've survived the Neverseen a million times over, I can survive the off chance that you lose control and set me on fire. I'll take precautions and I'll be ready to defend myself if I need to, but I don't think I'm going to need to."

"You don't know that! You don't know how horrible I am!" Marella couldn't stop screaming. She wasn't angry at Biana. Just angry at herself. Angry at the monster. Just... angry. She needed to stop before she set anything on fire. Monster.

"No, I don't know for sure that you'll never hurt me. But I know that I love you. I'm not going to stop loving you just because you're a flawed package. It's not like I'm little miss perfect or anything. We can be fucked up together."

"You're not perfect, but you're damn well closer than I am! Even Fintan thought I was fucked up. Fintan. I love you, Biana, I do, but my heart's too ugly and poisonous to be in love like we are. I just need to cut our ties and hope the pain from missing you goes away eventually."

"I love you, you fucking idiot!" Biana shouted. "I love you, because you're Marella fucking Redek, and you make me want to freeze time and be happy with you forever. I love you so much that it feels like burning any time I think of life without you in it. I love you so much that it feels like my world is a little bit off-kilter and then I kiss you and that's the only time everything feels right. I love you because you've been with me through all the shit in my life and made me smile through it all, so now it's my turn to help you with your shit. I love you so, so much, and I love everything about you. Even the flaws. Even the monster. I wish I could tell the monster to stay away from my Marella, but I can't, so I'm going to tell Marella to stop being so hard on my Marella. I love her, and she's not as bad as she thinks she is. She's not bad at all. I love everything about you, Marella, but I can't love you the way I want to if you keep pushing me away. So we'll be in love, and then we'll also have my scars and your monster and all our history with the Neverseen, but we'll love each other through it all. I need you to understand that I love you, you fucking idiot." Biana's eyes were wild with desperation. Ae exhaled heavily, giving Marella a pleading look.

"I love you," whispered Marella. It was all she could say before collapsing into a hug, crying. "I love you. I'm so sorry I tried to leave. You're the best. I love you."

"I want you to love yourself almost as much as I love you. You deserve it."

Maybe Marella would believe that, eventually. Maybe she'd get there.

She was still broken; how could she not be, with a monster living in her head? A little bit burnt, a little damaged, a little horrible. But she kept living. (Biana stayed alive and un-burnt too, to Marella's delighted surprise.) Her ugly, poisonous heart kept beating.

Elwin gave her a little pill to help keep the monster quiet, help keep her from freaking out so much every time the monster reared its fiery head. She eventually got to a point where she could make little fires with her hand and not spiral into a panic. Biana held her other hand as Marella lit the Hanukkah candles herself, and she was a bit scared, but it melted away with the laughter and latkes and warm lighting. It was hard not to push aer away; hard to keep herself from running away.

But Marella did it, because she loved Biana. And she loved herself, just a little bit. And she tolerated the monster. So she kept going, and she allowed herself to love Biana. To love unafraid, with an ugly, poisonous heart.

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averykedavra · 4 years

Text

No Longer Will You Deceive Yourself

Anon asked: Demus? Where Remus thinks Janus is gonna leave him but Janus is like, "Honey no. You're stuck with me-"

Sassy, I love it. And yes, I haven’t touched these prompts, but I was really tired today and needed to write some quick hurt/comfort, so sue me. Warning: I am, as said before, really tired, and I am writing this during my online graduation, so it will probably be not great and somewhat OOC. Thanks to @chaospersonified for supplying me with the plural of Pocky. Title from Forbidden Fruit ‘cause it’s late and I can’t function.

Find this fic on Ao3 here!

Summary: Remus knows Janus is going to leave. He has the Light Sides now--he doesn’t need Remus. He just wishes Janus would get it over with.

Words: 2733

Pairings: Platonic Dukeceit.

Warnings: blood mention, death mention, violence mention, swearing, self-deprecation, self-isolation, sympathetic Janus and Remus

Remus isn’t a patient person.

Okay, yeah, big shocker. He’s all about surprise and excitement and adventure and pushing the envelope. He’s filled with energy, vibrating and dancing and spreading through him at every possible opportunity. He has a million thoughts that tug him in different directions and splinter his bones into little pieces and he follows them blindly, leash around his neck, ‘cause why not? There’s no point in waiting if he can do something already. It’s instant gratification or things get boring. Everything could always be more exciting and more disturbed and faster.

Sometimes Remus wonders if he sees the world faster than everyone else, if other people don’t feel like everyone else is in slow motion. Probably not. It’s probably a weird Remus thing, like every other part of Remus, another trait that sets him apart. Being unique is fun, but it’s lonely, especially when you’re the kind of unique no one wants.

“People hate what they don't understand,” Janus would say. “Society is built to reject anyone who doesn’t conform to its standards, unless that nonconformity can be harnessed for its own ends. Nobody is perfect, they’re just better at hiding it. You have freedom, and that is something many people would kill for.”

Janus was always good at reassuring Remus. Well, in his own way, which was basically “Eat the rich.”

Remus still isn’t a patient person, though, and that’s why he wants Janus to just leave.

He knows Janus is gonna. He knew it the moment Janus came back downstairs after that video, wild glee on his face. He knew it the moment Janus whispered “I told him.” He knew it when he watched that episode--seriously, Patton could turn into a frog with killer abs? Who knew--and he saw Janus take off those ridiculous gloves and share his name. And Roman was a bitch about it, so Remus reminded himself to stab Roman at some point, but Thomas wasn’t. Thomas accepted Janus. Patton accepted Janus. And if Patton said something, then it was law.

Janus had a place now. He’d pulled a Virgil, clawed himself up from the recesses of Thomas’ mind and snatched a seat at the table. He had it all before him now: baking cookies with Patton, listening to music with Virgil, debating with Logan, questing with Roman. He had all that love and that happiness and that disgusting goodness.

With that as an option, why would he ever choose Remus?

Remus, with his too-loud voice. Remus, with his despicable ideas. Remus, with his inability to remember boundaries--hug, don’t hug, Janus lied but sometimes he didn’t and Remus could never tell which--and his inability to stop himself from blurting out everything that came to mind. He was so sensitive sometimes, too. Every short reprimand felt like a knife stabbing through the lining of his heart. Every time someone turned away and ignored him was a rope around his neck, choking him out. And not in a fun way.

Remus is everything wrong with Thomas. No one in their right mind would choose to be around him. Janus only liked him because there was no one else, and without someone by your side, the Mindscape was a cold and empty place.

One particularly evil and selfish part of Remus was almost glad when Virgil left. It meant Remus had Janus all to himself. It meant he could scrounge up more scraps of attention and pretend that attention was affection, acknowledgment was respect, and companionship was friendship.

Now Janus has a better option waiting for him.

And Remus has spent three days waiting for him to leave.

Look, he gets it. Janus wouldn’t want to nope out right away. He probably feels bad for Remus, wants to get everything sorted before he leaves for good. Maybe, Remus dares to hope, he’ll miss Remus. Just a little bit.

Because Remus will miss Janus. He will. It hurts like hell to even imagine life without the sassy snake by his side. He’ll have to learn to cook dinner, for starters. Probably end up just eating a million Pockies and human hands. Not healthy, but Remus can look however he wants, so it’s fine. And he can’t die.

No, it’s the little things that he’ll miss. Janus’ snicker whenever Remus makes a particularly dirty joke. The way their shoulders bump when they watch horror movies together. The way Janus nods along as Remus rants about whatever, hardly listening but still trying to look respectful. The way Janus hugs him with all six arms and lets Remus curl up against his chest and be safe.

He’ll miss all that. But this is a huge opportunity for Janus! Remus wants his friend to be happy, even if Janus doesn’t care about him.

He’s not selfish enough to force Janus to stay.

Maybe he’s on the wrong side of the Mindscape if he’s trying to be selfless.

Well, he can’t say he hasn’t considered it--lock Janus in a closet so he’ll never leave. He thought about it with Virgil, too. But Janus would escape and Virgil would escape, and they’d be mad, and then there’d be no chance of them ever even saying hi to him again.

Well, Virgil didn’t anyway. So maybe Remus has nothing to lose.

Still. The thought of keeping Janus there against his will makes Remus feel weirdly icky. Is this what morals feel like? He suddenly has a lot of pity for Patton--they feel all twisty and guilty, like snakes in his stomach.

Remus tries his best to ignore the snakes. And the snake, the one who spends less and less time with him, who spends more and more time upstairs. The one who comes back downstairs smelling like cookies.

If he can ignore Janus, if he can get out of Janus’ way, it’ll be easier for both of them.

So he doesn’t come out for breakfast. He gets used to days without Janus, nights on his own, smashing in the skulls of thousands of enemies to fill his mind with blood and guts and murder because that’s safe and not all sappy and sickly like the feelings in his stomach.

It’s lonely. He’ll admit that. He wonders if it would be worth it to go fight his brother or torture Thomas or follow Patton around, but odds are, Janus will already be there. And he doesn’t think he can face Janus. His resolve is shaky and crumbling like an old castle, and one kind word from Janus would send it crumbling down. He’d probably end up crying, begging for Janus to stay. And maybe Janus would for Remus’ sake, and Remus would have to live with the fact that he was making Janus miserable. Or maybe Janus would look him in the eyes and say that Remus should suck it up, that no one wanted the evil twin, that he was Intrusive Thoughts and not Needy Bitch Thoughts.

That’s what Remus was. Needy. Like a dragon with its hoard. Scrambling for the last bits of happiness he could find.

Who needed happiness anyway? Who needed friendship? He had a mace and a pet octopus, he was good to go.

He was fine. Really. He summoned food in the Imagination and watched conspiracy theories to get himself to fall asleep. Everything was fine. Janus was probably packing up now, getting ready to go, probably glad to be rid of an awkward goodbye.

It was a surprise when on day three, Remus heard a knock on the door.

He considered just ignoring it. But the knocking came again, louder. He heard his name. Janus.

Why was Janus here?

Curiosity won out over logic, and Remus tossed the bleeding opossum he’d been dissecting to the side. Carefully maneuvering around piles of bones, he trotted over and opened the door.

He tried to brace himself for anything. Anger, joy, disgust.

He didn’t expect Janus to sigh in relief and hug Remus around the waist.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Remus quickly extricated himself from the hug. It felt good, but Janus was leaving, so he shouldn’t let himself enjoy it. “Cat got your dick?”

“I haven’t seen you for three days!” Janus exclaimed. “Are you alright?”

Remus stared blankly at Janus. “What?”

“It’s been three days,” Janus said. That didn’t clear anything up. “Did you lose track of time in the Imagination?”

“Naw,” Remus said, because lying to Janus wasn’t a good idea. “Just got wrapped up in stuff. Why, whatcha need?”

“I needed to check on you.” Janus’ frantic worry had softened, now, replaced with concern. “Have you eaten? Is everything alright?”

“I’ve eaten, duh,” Remus said, carefully avoiding the second question. “What’s the big deal here? Where’s the fire? Do you need me to kick Thomas in the ass?”

“There’s nothing wrong,” Janus said slowly. “At least in that regard, but--”

“Then I don’t see why you need me!” Remus laughed. “Look, it’s wonderful to see you, but I’ve got some very important things to dissect so if you could let me go that would be ve-ry-nice, thank you!”

“Wait.” Janus reached forward and grabbed Remus’ arm. Remus could easily fight Janus off, he was a real twink, but Remus found himself rooted to the spot. “I want to know what happened.”

“What?” Remus laughed again, ignoring how brittle it sounded. “Nothing happened!”

Janus gave him a long look. “Go ahead, keep lying, it’s not like I can taste them or anything.”

“Whatever.” Remus folded his arms. “I’m in a mood to smash some skulls. You volunteering yours?”

If this were anyone else, they would have left. Janus stood his ground. “I want to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“Because--” Janus threw up his hands. “Because I’m worried about you, you idiot! You disappeared with no warning! What am I supposed to do with that information, keep going about my business as usual? I wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt or dead, and now you’re clearly lying to me, so I want to make sure that mentally, you’re okay.”

Remus laughed. “I’m Intrusive Thoughts, Jan, I think it’s against my job description to be mentally okay.”

“Be that as it may.” Janus’ eyes were painfully soft. “I’m worried, Remus. If I'm the cause you can talk to someone else, maybe Patton--”

“Hold on, hold on!” Remus frowned. “If you’re the cause?”

“I mean...” Janus suddenly developed an interest in his gloves. “There are so many other people around that could have upset you, you know.”

“You didn’t--” Remus stopped himself before a lie could escape.

“I did,” Janus said, his mouth falling open. “Remus, I’m sorry, whatever it is--”

And Remus understood now. Janus had searched him out because he felt guilty, and maybe he didn’t want Remus dead. If Remus was hurt, after all, Thomas would probably be affected. And now Janus felt even more guilty and maybe he’d try and stick around for Remus’ sake, but Remus couldn’t reassure Janus that it wasn’t his fault because technically it was and Janus could sense lies.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“I’m sorry,” Janus repeated, the words forced but genuine.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Remus said with a wave of his hand. Truth.

“I must have done something,” Janus said, eyes narrowed.

“You’re not doing it on purpose.” Truth.

“If it’s hurting you,” Janus said, “I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s hurting me.” Truth.

So why did Janus’ eyes flash?

“Of course it matters,” Janus snapped. “Why would you even say that?”

Remus shrugged. “I’m bored. Can I leave now?”

“No!” Janus seemed to regret raising his voice as soon as he did. “Remus, please just talk to me.”

“I’m not one for talking,” Remus said with a grin. “Try something more hands-on.”

“Holy shit.” Janus rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to reach out and you’re being insufferable.”

“That’s me!” Remus wiggled his hips. “Dunno what you expected, JanJan!”

“Look.” Janus looked Remus in the face. “Please just say, no tricks or sexual innuendos, that you are alright.”

“I’m...alright?”

Janus’ lips tightened. “You were lying.”

Remus froze. “Oh.”

He was? He wasn’t alright? He thought he was. Well, maybe he wasn’t. He was sad. But he was okay with this. He’d come to terms with it. Right?

Janus was saying his name. Remus realized he’d zoned out. Quickly he pasted a too-wide smile on his face. “What were you saying?”

Janus’ eyebrows drew together. “Remus, do you want to come into the kitchen? I can make us food and we can talk this out, or--”

“Why bother?” Remus blurted out without thinking.

Janus reeled back like he’d been slapped. “What?”

“Nothing!” Remus immediately clarified. “It was nothing, don’t worry about it--”

“What did you mean.” Janus’ face was getting scary intense. “Tell me.”

“Look.” Remus raised his hands. “It’s not a big deal, if you knew what the problem was you’d agree, you don’t have to worry or anything.”

“Well, what’s the problem?”

“Not a big one!”

“I hate this.” Janus closed his eyes. “We could go in circles forever, or you could actually tell me what’s on your mind. You’ve never hesitated before,” he added, “of course this is the one time you have an ounce of self-control.”

Remus flinched. He couldn’t help it.

Janus’ eyes widened slightly. “Re?” he asked, using the nickname Remus hadn’t heard since they were kids.

“Leave me alone,” Remus choked out, reaching for the doorknob.

“Remus, wait--”

“Leave me alone!” Remus yelled. “Stop fucking drawing it out and just leave! I know you want to, I get it, leave already before you drive me insane!”

"Remus,” Janus said slowly, “what are you saying?”

“I know you want to,” Remus said, his voice cracking. “Just--just leave, okay? Go make friends with the others. Make up with Virgil. I’m fine on my own. I am! I’m--I’m fine.”

He knew Janus could taste the lies in the air, that hugged Remus’ throat and burned in his eyes. But he couldn’t bring himself to care. They were the last things that gave him comfort, the last ragged bits of protection against the world, against the contemptuous look Janus would clearly give him, finally realizing that there wasn’t a problem, it was just Remus being stupid and needy again--

“You think I’m going to leave?” Janus whispered. Why was he drawing it out? Just to torture Remus? Remus liked torture but not like this, not all scratchy and achey.

“Yeah, duh.” Remus shrugged, swiping at his eyes. “Don’t blame you. ‘S better up there. No me.”

He risked a glance at Janus, bracing for a glare of anger. Instead, he got Janus standing there, his mouth open, looking absolutely gutted.

What?

“Who told you I was leaving?” Janus asked.

“No one.”

“Good.” Janus stepped forward. “Because I’m not.”

Remus tried to piece together that sentence. “Huh?”

“I’m not leaving,” Janus repeated. “I would never even think of that. Why on earth would you think I would? You wouldn’t last a day without me taking care of you.”

“I lasted three,” Remus pointed out. “A-and it’s okay. You don’t have to f-force yourself to stay for my sake. I’m okay with it.”

“Well, I’m not!” Janus exclaimed. “Remus, you’re my best friend! I couldn’t just leave you behind!”

“You don’t have to feel guilty, I get it--”

“This is not guilt.” Janus stared into Remus’ eyes. “This is love. I love you, you are my best friend, and you are stuck with me until the end of time. Will things change now that Patton has finally seen sense? Yes. But if I ever do end up going upstairs?” Janus smiled. “I’m taking you with me.”

“Really?” Remus whispered. “But they hate me.”

“Too bad.” Janus cupped a hand around his mouth and glanced around. “Don’t tell anyone, but they have terrible taste.”

Remus giggled, and Janus laughed too, and Janus laughing was the best thing in the whole entire world.

“You’re not leaving,” Remus repeated, hoping this wasn’t a dream.

“I’m not,” Janus agreed. “So stop being stupid and come help me make lunch--oof!”

Remus wrapped his arms around Janus, squeezing tightly, burying his face in Janus’ shoulder.

And Janus didn’t laugh or judge him. He just hugged back, all six arms, and waited there until Remus was ready.

Remus knew he could take all the time he needed.

Janus wouldn’t leave.

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candied-peach · 4 years

Text

ao3: “paint it black” rating: T warnings: intrusive thoughts (which include animal death), sympathetic remus, sympathetic janus, dukeceit genre: hurt/comfort description: Remus is happy for Janus. Really. He is. Why does he feel so much like crying? ( @croftergamer‘s prompt: "Janus getting back on the dark sides mindpalace to pack since he's accepted now. Remus is just telling him how happy he is for him but just starts crying from the thought of being all alone again")

He's happy. Really, he is. Deceit-no, Janus- has finally been accepted by Thomas. By the light sides. By Morality even! Of course he has to move out of the dingy depths of Thomas's mind, spattered by unimaginable fluids and tattered from Remus's various experiments. He'll have his own room up there, bright and soft, cozy yellows and browns, with a better terrarium for his pet hognose snake. Remus is sure the others will love her, just as much as he does.

He's fine. He knows that he isn't- well, he's not like Janus. Or the others. Or his brother. He's filthy and foul and he's proud of it. He likes to play in the trash and dissect random things and he doesn't mind blood grimed under his fingernails. He's the one who wonders if they squish or burst like a rotten balloon when Thomas is in the car and sees a squirrel cross the road, and he knows Roman would never think about something like that. It would horrify him, thinking of his cute little woodland creatures mashed up like potatoes. He wouldn't wonder about his NPCs and whether or not they can drown or feel the pain of being tied to the railroad tracks while a train hums ever closer.

So he doesn't belong up there in the light. So what? He's a rat, isn't he? A little trash rat, a raccoon, a kraken, and he's always preferred the dark. But only with Janus to share it.

"Are you all right?" Janus asks. Remus looks up from his perch on the back of the sofa, where he's been watching Janus pack, and pastes an enormous toothy smile on his face.

"Why wouldn't I be, Double D?" He asks brightly. Janus arches one elegant eyebrow.

"I don't know," Janus returns, equitable. "That's why I asked, Remus."

"I'm just happy for you!" Remus exclaims. "You get to go up there-" without me "-and be with the others! They accept you! Thomas accepts you! Give 'em hell!" He grins harder, his eyes stinging with the tears he refuses to let fall. His stomach feels like he's been shoved into a man-sized blender and someone mashed 'puree.'

"Remus," Janus says softly. Remus looks up, his smile so tight it hurts. There's a sadness in Janus's mismatched eyes that doesn't belong there. Remus has an uncomfortable feeling he put it there. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Remus retorts, but even he can taste the bitter tang of the lie. "I'm happy for you," he repeats. "I'm happy for you, but I'm sad for me, and isn't that so fucking selfish of me, because you deserve it all, Jan Jan, you deserve to be listened to and accepted and heard and I don't, but I don't want to be alone, I'll be all alone, and no one will help me calm down when the thoughts are too loud and I can't share my creations anymore and I can't hear your heartbeat go thump thump thump under your shirt or feel how soft your hair is and how much I want to put all my fingers in it sometimes and just hold on because I feel like I'm gonna fall into the ether if I don't and it was bad enough when Virgil left but at least I had you and now I-" He's hiccuping as he speaks, tears scalding his cheeks no matter how much he tries to push them aside, and suddenly Janus's arms loop around him, pulling him close, and he's babbling apologies into Janus's tear-soaked shoulder.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Janus says, quiet but firm. Remus promptly shuts up, staring at him with wide eyes. "Remus, you know I care about you, don't you?"

"Er-" Remus stalls. Janus sighs softly and threads his fingers through the grey streak of Remus's hair.

"It doesn't matter where I live, Remus," Janus says. "I'm not leaving you alone. I don't know if your room can be moved yet. But that doesn't matter. I'm not leaving you." Janus's arms tighten around Remus as he speaks, soothing the creative side with constant, unrelenting touch.

"But- the others-" Remus stammers, looking at Janus's face.

"Fuck the others," Janus declares. "If Thomas can accept that I'm an important side of his personality, then he can accept you. You aren't just intrusive thoughts and you aren't evil. I was wrong when I used that to hurt your brother- I know I already apologized for it, but I'm saying it again." Remus swallows, the lump in his throat uncomfortably large. "You are an important side of Thomas's creativity and he needs you if he wants to expand his creative scope. You matter, Remus. If to no one else, you matter to me.

"And I would never just leave you."

Remus thinks carefully about his next words. His heart feels like it might jump out of his chest and plummet twenty stories to splash all over the pavement.

"Do you promise?" He finally asks. Janus slips one of his gloves off and holds out his pinky finger, linking it with Remus's.

"Always," he says.

tag list: @k9cat @paravigilant-virgil @croftergamer @airiervessel @littlestliu @matthindavick @ambersky0319 @yalltookmyurlideas @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @ihateitwhenyourejustvague @bexxbeauty @killjoy-3000 @the-sunshine-dims @sneaky-slytherin @reesiereads @rabbitsartcorner @quackerz-creations

#🍬 txt #sanders sides #dukeceit #demus #sympathetic remus #sympathetic deceit #janus sanders #remus sanders #remus #janus #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #📚#ok to rb #peach writes

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thelordstears · 3 years

Text

I think it’s time to show some lines and how much I’ve improved eh?

“ You see, we're all living our lives confined in this little, locked room, we store our thoughts here, our dreams, our doubts, our darkest confessions. But the right people come along with a key and find the real us quivering in a corner of ourselves we fear with all our fuckin' might. All of humanity fears. And so in the span of a blink life created death to separate what is bad, and what is good. “ - Shawn Werdelstein

“ I look deep into my eyes and I swear I can see her darkness flickering in my damn eyes, she took my heart in her murderous stride, flaying me of all my salvation, tellin' me I was nothin' more then livestock on her farm of delicacies and delights. “ - Lupin Rinderez

“In the end I was never really human in the eyes of those who hate me, was I? I was always a toy to those more wicked then I, and so I have rotted in a chest of forgotten dolls and stitched together souls lost to time." - Ingretta Shazowlla

“ Some men are born for prison. They're raised in a cell, and told this is all you can ever be, and when they finally scratch their way out of that prison, they start to get homesick, so they find themselves a new cell, a new Hell, a new home away from home. Chaos is peace ta the broken man. “ - Francis Killvawhile

“ Karma doesn't care about how small the sin was, she just reaps. “ - Scarla Scottaine

“ There's something foreign about an empty bed, something unfamiliar about holding my own hand, it's like love is a language we speak, and when it leaves us we can no longer speak the language of the loveless, because we're already native in the country of love. “ - Finn Desandra

“ The darkness of my past caught up to me and killed the kind pure hearted man I thought I'd forever be, I was always doomed to become a reflection of my father. But with these bloodied and cracked pieces of me I'll bleed him with broken pieces of his reflection. “ - Alviro Conritz

“Isn't it funny? How men and women alike will pull a trigger on another when faced with a gun at their own heart, held steady in the hand of a man who never misses?” - Remington Burlwitz

“ I am Eve luring Adam to his fate.” - Belle Nalroma

“ I am a grave of fireflies and ravens whom head out to war, a wolf of death and anguish that drove me to madness. Don't you call me a freak, I'm just a little bit different, my mind is an eternal state of flickering emotion and madness that has never left me be. In truth the firing of this rifle is the only thing that keeps me alive, it is the beating of my heart and the howl in my soul, so dare you fire back with pieces of your heart shattered in the bullets? “ - Luther Woolhaun

“ I feel like a blank slate that's always re-written. “ - Wendell Ace

"I look at who I am with judgmental eyes.” - Earl Mumford

“ Believe the tales of dead men, they have a perspective like no other. “ - Earl Mumford

“ Stepping up to me ain't a fucking war, it's an execution disguised as such. “ - Saul Northutt

“ Decaying and gentle I shall be lain to rest as the Devil the world mourned. “ - Jonkiv Kramteil

“ Look, the truth is a hard pill to swallow, but swallow it you will. “ - Simon Rossburg

“ I'm a killer and a cheat, if my dagger is unstained remember, there's etches of lives lost on the handle, do you really wanna become another scar on the wood of my blade? “ - Killgrove Butcher

“ Mercy is a surefire way to meet God, so I sling an old club wrapped in barbed wire over my shoulder and watch the river spill crimson. “ - Olivia Juarez

"They call kindness weakness, so I must be the strongest bitch in town.” - Olivia Juarez

“ My wrath comes down like a cold rain of daggers when faced with the wicked, if they ain't ready to die then they best fucking prepare for it, cause those who use the powerless as a simple stepping stone to Heaven don't deserve the breath in their damn lungs. “ - Lucille Ramaswami

“ That man, that wicked fuckin' man, 'e's an old vulture sittin' atop the Church waitin' for the holy ta fall down the steeple, 'e swoops down and picks their bones 'a love, 'a holiness, 'a morality. And den, the holy become the damned. “ - Maxwell Soderstrom

“ The Devils and snakes in the grass should fear the gardener with his shovel ready to bury the pests." - Guarva Plucker

“ Don't call me your hero, cause heroes don't kill good men." - Al Hunderson

"Brother, there's somethin' sinister brewin' in the bones of humanity, has been since the Neanderthals huddled in caves, lighting fires underneath the murky walls of a place they could call home. I'm afraid you're gonna have to be a little more specific." - Roman Hemlock "Ya can always spot the little, tinges of darkness in the bad man's eye, the little seams of pain that follows 'em." - Sandro Colorfeid

"I slither and slide into the darkness, a basilisk hiding in shadow and sin, biting into the forbidden fruit of Eden with glee and cruelty flickering in my snake likes eyes." - Vexine Hatchet

"I stood with blood on my hands and a snarl on my lip. It was from that moment on, Nico no longer were." - Nico Litchenfels

“ I'm a cutthroat fucker with his heart bared open and cruel on his trench jacket's sleeve. “ - Nico Litchenfels

"I stood like a question never asked, and then before I had the chance to give myself an answer in the echoes of my insanity, she smiled and asked who I was." - Zachariah Rinderez

"I have died a thousand times, Minerva. But you make me want to live again." - Simon Drogace

"I'm not lucky enough to be me." - Simon Drogace

“Do you ever feel like, your mind is a hammer?” - Simon Drogace

"He stood there, like a wicked omen of what never should've been, a testament to all humanity tried to kill." - Neal Marrows

"Losing yourself is a game no one can win." - Neal Marrows

"You know me, just a grave of who I was, grasping the soil wondering why it always slips between my fingers." - Sam Dellwotfire

"Someone once asked me what life before war was like, and truthfully, I've never known." - Hunter Creasey

"You spend your whole life under the shadow of death it starts to become you, and as you let the light it in, as you let your heart burst in seams of color and little figments of love and joy, that's when the shadow casts itself over you the longest. As soon as you start to live, death comes on by to greet you as if she were an old friend, and as I live through the essence of love and peace, I can see a smile filled with the lost lives of all whom ever walked greeting me on a road all too familiar." - Hunter Creasey

"I'm the mad man's greatest friend, but in the eyes of the sane, in the eyes of all whom stand against cruelty, I'm a weapon, an atomic bomb that'll level the city of peace to dust." - Moores Thomas

"It is in madness and grief we find who we really are. So who's to say humanity was supposed to live in peace? After all, even our mind tells us things we could never dream of with intrusive thoughts, and in the end some of us succumb to the darkness every single mind brews." - Moores Thomas

"You see, madness starts with a small seed the human race calls trouble, it comes in many different variants, some get in very small dosages all their lives. But mad men get a taste of trouble long before they know what the word means." - Moores Thomas

"The way I see love, it's an interesting sort of medicine. One moment it stitches together the loose threads of your heart, and in the very next it unravels you like a spool of thread." - Cornelius Combs

"I walked into the Church only to be spat out, falling down the sinner's steeple coughing up bloodied pieces of my faith." - Takizen Fruivein

"Challenging what I've become is a fools game, and my friend, I am no fool." - Allinza Harzvi

"Humanity is not inherently kind, everything we've seen, and everything we are, is proof of that testament." - Allinza Harzvi

"We are never in the same boat, we are in the same storm, facing life's darkness with different privilege's." - Caldvain Lucelo

"You know, someone once told me you have control over your own mind, but as it drifts away from me as smoke in the dying embers of a midnight wildfire, does that statement still hold true?" - Harvin Scoviney

"God does not help. He observes." - Victor Da Ville

“ You can't explain what evil means without mentioning the feared name of Cassidy Vanderberg. “ - Cassidy Vanderberg

“ I'm a hero, and I know, it's a heroes curse to go down in history, shooting her glory through the chamber of a revolver, leaving the world with the gunfire smoke of her gun, but so be it man, so fucking be it. “ - Miella Fang

“ Tragedy runs through my veins like the blood I bleed.” - Harkman Burtrow

“ You can run your hands through these cracked and yellowed pages, wondering when I lost my mind, but you won't find any answers in my chapters. “ - Mortelo Vonenwoft

“ ”You ever feel there’s jus’ this empty box where your heart’s supposed ta be? I've shoved all my monsters in this box, my addictions, my anxiety, the thoughts that don't go away. But sometimes, the box starts ta open, and I can't even push the door back, cause I'm too busy with this ghost followin' me like a yappin' chihuahua. “ - Isadore Rast

“ Everyone is always sayin' you're strong, for fightin' past that hurt, but am I? I didn't fight, I fuckin' stumbled, I fell, it wasn't just a battle, it was a god damn war I still wage. The gunfire echoes and cocaine ghosts will never leave me be, cause I made the mistake of losin' myself ta the bad side of life, and I just can't forgive myself for that kinda shit. “ - Isadore Rast

“ I'm not a recoverin' addict, I'm just a fuckin' ghost. “ - Carrigan Hopva

“ I met myself on a dead end street, she looked distraught, with chunks of hair missing, cigarette on her lip, trying to light a match in the rain, eyes troubled with memories of what would be. She told me to keep my enemies close, cause god damn, they were everywhere, but she never told me I'd be standin' in a house of mirrors. “ - Rain Morvosina

“ I tell myself, I could've done better, I could've saved the circus, but truthfully, not a single man can stop fate in its tracks, he would become another splatter on her railroad within a series of seconds and terrible events. “ - Bortosley Velltwo

“ I'm guilty ‘a first degree, of lil ol' me." - Howard Wraith

“ Oh mum if ya could see me now, sinnin' on the other side 'a paradise lookin' for reasons ta stain me teeth the color of me jacket. “ - Davy Blight

“ I ain't the poor lil' boy who shot at 'is brother with orange capped revolvers and plastic swords, mate, I'm the real fuckin' deal. This venom 'a trouble and sin flows like blood in me veins, corruptin' the essence 'a who I fuckin' was. “ - Davy Blight

“ I'm the darkness your mother says ta stray away from, the boogeyman ya're mum tells ya snatches away naughty boys and girls in the dead 'a night, and worst of all mate, I'm Lind fuckin' Blight, bastard son of the seas. “ - Lind Blight

“ I'm just old honey whiskey sitting on the shelf gathering dust and mildew, locked in this little cabin of darkness and decay, wondering why no one cares to pop open my cork and let this darkness and mold spill to the soil of a freshly dug grave. “ - Roxane Vanderberg

“ I met her in a garden 'a roses, and there she stood as the only thorn. “ - Kayella Wisp

“ I've gunned bad men down on the streets, cackling and sinful they died, cruel and wicked they lived. “ - Hoshino Akinori

“ I once went into an old confession booth, sins sat heavy at my shoulder, salvation far off as it always seemed to be, and as that preacher listened to my darkest secrets I was sure he would damn me. But he told me salvation is for all, and that God loves whosoever follows the path of the righteous. “ - Erika Vans

“ I used ta live with one foot in the grave, wondering when the hell I'd become my last name, but then I met a wise man in the woods and found myself once again. Sometimes, we're lost, and we don't even know it. So I think destiny sends us a Messiah to lead the way ta who we are, and as Pennington took my hand in the darkness, I knew I'd found who I am past all this trouble. “ - Alonzo Graves

“ I traverse this labyrinth of my heart and soul, trying to find myself in the midst of all this trouble, but these mirrors are starting to look like enemies, and this maze is starting to become a prison cell. “ - Andre Jollows

“ Deep in my soul is the sound of war calling me home, and death whispers in my bones that she wishes to hold me close as I fade gently into the stars, but I sigh strapping my boots on in the morning, putting this old gas mask on my face and facing another venomous day. For I am a curse, wondering where my blessings went." - Max Caldiph

“ If my heart were a painting, it would be a starless night sky, the trees wilted, stripped of their leaves standing as threadbare omens of the bones etched in darkness that hold me up and the roses would be black, decaying with some dead scent of mercy burning whosoever walks into this garden of death's nose. “ - Apollos Quinn

“ Who I am ain't even me, he's just someone I've been for too long.” - Drew Dreadful

“ I died halfway to Heaven and too close ta Hell. “ - Dylan Huffers

“ I was living a life of trouble and cigarette smoke, chasing lies as if I were just a harmless little kitten, batting my hands at another yarn ball, always wondering why it ran away from me, but as my mother held me in a gentle embrace and showed me the way to paradise, I found out that it's better to be you then somebody else. “ - Scottie Bloodvallo

“ My mama once told me sometimes you gotta fall and stumble to learn who you are, because it's as trouble and peace wage war that we discover who's side we're on, and as those old foes grabbed their rifles and loaded their cannons, I came to realize I never wanted trouble to become who I am. So I picked up my guns and fired a couple rounds of peace into my head. “ - Marty Thievekit

“ You wanna run with the wolves, but brother you're sparrin' with chihuahuas, ya wanna play with the big boys, but you're frolicking in a garden full of gnomes and fairies, you wanna go knuckle to knuckle with your demons, but brother you surround yourself in angels. Do you really expect to kill a man while you're swingin' plastic blades and firin' bullets from a cap gun? “ - Walton Burke

"The truth will always sound like a lie to he who doesn't want to admit he's wrong. “ - Stewart Astoria

“ I'm tied up and tangled in the webs of madness, cackling at the midnight sky as these bastards try to fire bullets of sanity my way. But god damn baby, I'm bullet proof. I take what I want when I want it, so as I slam these bullets of madness into the echoed chamber of my revolver and put a few holes in my mind do you think it'll be me seepin' through the corners of this old mental ward, or will the ground pool crimson with my sanity? Guess there's no way of knowin' til I pull this trigger, sanity and purity spilling like crimson ink in my mind. “ - Ares Malstone

“ Forevermore I shall stand as a threadbare omen of the unholiest parts of mankind, drifting away from myself like the wildfire smoke of a dying confession.” - Alastair Sambridge

“ My mother once stared me dead in the eye and said I was not so holy, one day I would sputter up all the pieces of me and succumb to the Devil inside, and I must say, the old wicked witch was right. My father told me I was just a sin, drifting forevermore into the midnight sky, and as I pulled the trigger upon a battlefield I came to realize fate vows for promises made by wicked people. So by God, I vow to die, I vow to choke on these holy pieces of me and sputter up my dying breath. “ - Alastair Sambridge

“ Who I am is such a far cry from who I was, if you looked at a photograph of me at ten years old you wouldn't recognize the eyes that smile, for as you look into the cracked lenses and into my eyes, it is not me you find. But rather, it is the insanity that swam in Calzell's eyes when I met him." - Ackilzo Thyme

“ My mother once told me that rage whispers into the ears of the broken that they deserve nothing more then this unsteady heart beat of broken bottles and cracked knuckles, but it's the ever smiling lip of peace that brings the sorrowed man back to himself. So I oughta wonder why peace keeps on scowlin' at me. “ - Varvaina Escobar

“ It seems it is the nature of humanity to point blame at those who are howling with regret, love beating empty in an open chest. “ - Sarkelus Johnson

“ Sometimes, life just fades before your eyes and ya don't have enough time to catch it, so you slowly drift away from it yearning for the gentle touch of death. But you know what? We all need a hero every once and awhile, and as Barbara lays her head against my chest, dancing her fingers across my shoulders and cheek, I think I damn well found my hero. “ -Rob Percstand

“ I don't wanna die with dreams, I wanna die with memories, man. “ - Revie Scollinew

"In the outback of Montana my tale began in crimson stained history. I look to my aunts and uncles and see murder deep inside of their hearts, but they should've thought twice before taking my heart in their rough hands, for there is something dark that's brewing inside of me, and if I were them, I would start looking underneath the bed for monsters." - Enoch Avoxin

"There's a certain truth, to madness." - Zachariah Rinderez

"Hold honor close to your heart and you'll end its beat." - McKormick McReavey

"You know, everybody says, this won't happen to me, I'm just your average everyday person, collecting my paycheck, paying my bills, living my day to day life just like everybody else. But what we seem to forget is that we're all normal people, we're all just a little bit average enough to stand out. And when these tragic things do happen to us, we stand in a stunned silence our whole world falling apart, and all we can utter is, "This can't be happening to me." - Ray Burzfoll

"If I could strip the emotion from my mind I fear I would do so in a heart beat." - Wyatt Demouchett

"Love comes and goes but power drifts on by and stays." - Dastallio Sanchez

"Darkness has intertwined itself within my heart sputtering the light from out my throat." - Cornelius Shmackelstein

“I am not myself, so what the fuck am I?" - Coraiza Scotchfuel

"Living in reality is the most cruel form of torture for a mad man." - Draven Scotchfuel

"It is as if she makes my black and white heart burst with some form of color it's never seen." - Armello Vanrick

"Perhaps it was always a mirror hiding inside of my closet." - Julie Forkroad

"The world went dark before it fell, we were just playing a waiting game." - Brooke Bergmeir

"I've got more fighting days left than you have years." - Maximo Guanch

"If everything exists, nothing does, really." - Arthur Wellburn

#writing #characters #dialogue #characterdevelopment #oneliners #books #writer #characterwriting

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princeanxious · 4 years

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Part One; “A Wounded Snake Lies Still”

A continuation fic in the au i built from this art piece I did and this post that I’d written that inspired this whole idea. I don’t know how many parts there will be, but the plan is for it to be hurt/comfort? It’s just that the comfort comes in small increments, but I promise the ending will be happy!

Fandom: Thomas Sanders Sides

Ships: mentions of past healthy Anxceit, start of story begins w/ analogical, end goal is analoceit! Side royality, Remus is lowkey Aro.

Minor Trigger Warnings: in no particular order.. brief mentions of painful memory loss, brief food mention, Remus and Deceit as sympathetic characters in general, accidental revealing of a secret-Remus feeling awful about it and Deceit being completely forgiving on it. Deceit being sorta selfish but also being very selfless without realize it. Deceit lying when he speaks/ backwards talk.

Serious Trigger Warnings: (slight spoilers) Deceit ignores his own distress in favor of keeping up a nonchalant act around the others, and doesn’t process his inner emotions in a healthy way. Deceit repressing years of his own resurfacing emotional trauma that originally came from his separation from Virgil, Deceit also briefly relives said trauma in the fic and pretends nothing is wrong even though something Really Is. Patton has minor empath abilities in this au and accidentally gets hit with a ride of very negative emotions that Deceit is already internally feeling when he touches Deceit.

(Let me know if I need to tag something else!)

Summary: Virgil’s missing memories have always been a touchy subject. After Remus and Deceit gain their acceptance of from the Light Sides and Thomas, Deceit still seems to have a few secrets to hide. If you asked him, he’d tell you it was for the best that he kept them. Partially concealing the truth was a slippery slope, indeed. But, could you really blame him? When Virgil was dating Logan and finally seemed happy again? To him, All the repression of his own trauma was worth Virgil’s happiness. Their years of love were lost with Virgil’s memories of the past, and there was no way in hell Deceit was about to jeopardize Virgil’s current stability now, not when the only person at fault for losing was Deceit himself.(or, was it? He’s never sure anymore. Trauma is a fickle beast.) Well, one slip up from Remus is all it takes before Deceit finds himself faced with that exact dilema fast approaching, and he finds he is less than prepared to face the music..

[[MORE]]

“Ugh, gross. In front of my deodorant?? Could you guys like. Not?? Be romance-y in the living room?? You two remind me of when Dee and Virgie were dating.” Remus grumbled offhandedly, too tired to deal with his twin’s particularly loud and loving attention directed towards Thomas’s literal representation of the heart this late into the afternoon.

They’d been loudly and shamelessly flirting back and forth from across the room while everyone set up for movie night, Roman in the living room with the others and Patton in the kitchen with Deceit making snacks. It was only seconds later that the duke realized his slip up as everything and everyone around clattered to a halt, the other sides turning stare at him in confusion.

Three years. It had taken Deceit three long, painstaking years and counting to distance himself from the years of memories he’d spent in bliss, to separate his mind from the heartbreak of losing his only love. Three years to come to terms with the fact that his only love now held no memories of the time they spent together, to accept that his love now deeply loved another.

Three years to come to terms with the fact that Virgil would never know what it was like to watch helplessly as his love writhed in pain. To watch as The Line ripped the memories from his love’s very being, forcing Virgil into a clean slate. Three years to come to terms that Virgil would never remember.

Three years of patience and heartbreak and anguish and lies, telling himself that it’d be okay, telling himself that he would move on and heal eventually. Three years of painstakingly separating himself from the narrative he and Virgil used to share, and ensuring that Virgil never had any inkling to what had been of his past. It was the only secret Deceit ever asked Remus to keep.

Rest assured, he’d tried to respark Virgil’s memories many times in the first few months after Virgil crossed over The Line from Dark side to Light, having ultimately crossed for good. It’d only led to fight after fight, driving a wedge further and further between them with each escalated argument. With a bleeding heart, he’d eventually given in, and stopped any further attempts. After all, each attempt only seemed to fuel Virgil with irritation. It had been clear then, that whatever they’d had, was never going to be again.

Three years it’d been. He thought he’d nearly healed, really. Most days he found he could exist and interact with the others and not be reminded of the past, and be comforted that he himself would not be a reminder to the past. Repression had always been his strong suit, though, conciously or not.

The Line had diminished as of late, after Thomas had really begun accepting Deceit and Remus. They could cross The Line for long amounts of time now, and mostly be fine. Occasionally they suffered from a bout of fatigue when disagreements with the others briefly turned sour, feeling The Line tugging back at them insistently. It never lasted for long, but there was always that underlying worry that The Line would finally snap them back into the dark for good if one of them made a final wrong move. The Light Sides didn’t know about The Line, not even Virgil remembered stumbling away from it after all that had happened. And well, if it were up to Deceit? They would never find out about it. Too many questions, too many messy answers.

Three years later, Deceit finds his heart splintering once more, an ache sinking into his chest that he knows Patton feels as they stand nearby one another. Memories flood in harshly, a deep painful longing resurging from the depths of his mind as it always did when faced with his reoccurring trauma sinking its claws into his psyche.

It’s only been seconds, but the silence is starting to feel heavy. Instead of moving on from the previous comment, Remus glances to Deceit, eyes pleading and devastated by having made his mistake, breaking the only promise to Dee he’d ever been seriously asked to keep. And Deceit knows he must do what he does best to save face, there is still time to redirect the carnage.

“Remus, please don’t refrain from spreading lies, that’s certainly not my job, after all.” He teases lightly, keeping his tone precisely on the edge of amused confusion, though his eyes hold an understanding none of the others know to read for. “Next you won’t be telling me that your favorite animal is a squid, not an octopus. Not your worst try at shock humor, yes?”

Remus catches on after a millisecond, drawing out a full cackle. “Sorry, not sorry! You should’ve seen the looks on your faces though! Priceless!! Who knew a shitty joke falling so flat would shock everyone so good!”

Their reactions held the desired effect. Quickly, everyone around the room seemed to relax, Roman even firing back his own playful quip to further lighten the mood. In the end, it was just a bump in conversation, something Remus caused every once in a while as everyone adjusted and Remus learned. Not a single step amiss that wasn’t already expectedly out of line.

Still, he’d have to talk to Remus in private later. Remus was just as sensitive to rejection as Roman was, and paired with his inherently intrusive thoughts, it would come to no surprise if Remus already thought Deceit now hated him. He didn’t, it’d been an accident, and Remus’s first ever slip up in three years since making the promise. Even if Dee had been mad about the slip up, he wouldn’t have had any right to be. He’d be sure Remus was the first person he sought to soothe when they got a free moment alone, it wasn’t right to let those kinds of thoughts fester.

Remus first, Virgil next, as it wasn’t quite crisis averted. He could feel Virgil’s eyes on his back from the living room. He denied his bleeding heart the closure of meeting Virgil’s gaze, of sharing his expression. He was too vulnerable, even now the anxious side could read his tells far too well, often without even realizing why. There was no doubt Virgil would try and talk to him later about it, and no matter how good the terms they were on with each other now were, Deceit knew the conversation would be a rough one. Virgil knows he has missing memories, and only recently had he accepted Remus and Deceit’s vague answers when he’d asked lightly about his past. It was at least him acknowledging they had the answers to the past he doesn’t remember.

If he wasn’t careful, each and every brick in the wall that Deceit had carefully worked to build up in the past three years could crumble right before his eyes, leaving him stripped emotionally defenseless, his trauma bared for all to see. And who knew what the others would do if they knew so much? What would they think of him then? Deceit inwardly shivered at the thought. It would not come to that.

Slipping into the nonchalant act was an easy card to play, it being his strong suit and most comforting form of security, a version of his own little lie of omission to soothe the bumpy situation over.

What he didn’t account for, was Patton gently reaching to touch his arm when everyone else had settled and their attentions returned to their tasks at hand. Deceit fought against his immediate urge to pull away, knowing the moral side just preferred connection through touch when addressing another, and instead looked up to meet Patton with a questioning gaze.

Whatever Patton was about to say died on his lips as he suddenly seemed to reflect an absolutely heartbroken expression, tears welling up in his eyes. Pain and sorrow and surprise seemed to seep into the other’s expression, warring for dominance amongst the primary confusion. It was only then that Deceit realized that Patton was still touching him, his bare arm with an equally bare hand, to be exact. The memory that Patton bore minor empath abilities that were tied into his existence as the representation of Thomas’s morality and feelings sunk in two seconds too late.

Direct skin to skin contact, something Deceit sought often to avoid in general nowadays anyway, was a direct way for Patton to tune into another's current feelings through said abilities, often by accident. There were limits that Patton could control, of course, and Patton only ever seemed to struggle coping with that ability when faced with an overwhelming swell of emotions from the other side. And, well.. Deceit’s mind certainly hadn’t taken well to being reminded of his repressed past, seeping through his protective mental walls with all sorts of roiling negative emotions.

From self-loathing, to dread. From anger, to guilt. From longing, to grief, then to depression, and finally apathy. It just couldn’t be helped that Deceit, a master of disguise and deception, had had three whole years to perfect the act that hid it from the outside and controlled it all from within.

Carefully, Deceit pulled Patton’s hand from his arm, and gently tucked it against the moral side’s chest. Still, he keeps his gloved hand there, letting Patton grasp it with both hands to ground himself after such an emotional ride.

“Deep breaths, dear Patton. Whatever isn’t the matter?” He asks gently, still playing into his act but his eyes plead a different story. ‘Not now,’ they say, ‘I will tell you, but not here,’ they beg. Patton nods slowly, and Deceit carefully wipes away Patton tears. In a move he knows he might regret later if it raises questions, he slips his hat off to gently plop onto the moral side’s head, and gently presses against the others clothed shoulder with his own in a show of comforting affection. It has the desired effect of distracting Patton and lightening his mood, Patton’s lingering upset masked by a watery smile only they can share. Deceit silently mourns the loss of his safety blanket, but accepts that a few minutes of feeling vulnerable while comforting Patton is a good trade to escape having his distress found out. He couldn’t have the other sides cornering him into explaining why Patton had suddenly begun crying without reason. It certainly wasn’t the fact that he felt guilty for Patton having experienced second hand an echo of his painfully raw emotions, no, not at all.

Thankfully their little scene goes unnoticed by the rest of the preoccupied sides, who are far too busy bickering over the movies they want to watch. Well, unnoticed by all but the one who sits to the side. Said side keeps an unconcerned but intrigued eye on the two in the kitchen, glancing over every time he adjusts his glasses to avoid suspicion. Logan says nothing, but knows he has questions for his dearest Virgil when movie night is over. He can only hope that the answers Virgil gives will not raise more questions.

(..Unfortunately, they do raise more questions than answers.. However, they now know exactly who has the answers they seek. It’s only a matter of getting those answers that is a task far harder than they’d ever expected it to be.)

To be continued..

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nalu4emily · 4 years

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The Unexpected Reward - Chapter 11

Summary: Natsu and Lucy go on a job together, but what they bring home is something neither anticipated. Forced to make a life changing decision, they have to adapt quickly, but that's never easy, especially given the circumstances. As they work together on their toughest adventure yet, they find themselves drawn to one another, in ways they never realised. Nalu/cute/fluff/multi-chapter.

This chapter features mature content.

It'd been a very odd morning, Natsu had never imagined the day after his first sexual experience to be so turbulent. He pictured him and Lucy snuggling up in bed together taking it easy, not her running off and threatening to beat the ever loving crap out of one of their friends, regardless of whether they deserved it or not.

He'd not long made it to the guild when all hell had broke loose. He'd arrived just in time to watch Lucy tackle Cana to the floor, which, thankfully, hadn't ended with either seriously hurt. Lord knows how he'd gathered the courage to separate the two beasts, in the end he'd needed the assistance of not only Gray but Gajeel as well. The bedlam that had ensued was enough to put frighteners on even the great Titania, who luckily hadn't shown her face until after. Natsu cringed at the very thought of her getting involved, that would not have ended well for anyone.

It had been one hell of a clash between the two friends, all that could be heard echoing through the great hall was Cana's maniacal laughter and Lucy's hysterical shrieking. Natsu had to admit, even though he'd been the one to stop her, watching Lucy be a total badass as she elegantly switched between star dresses and the way she held her own was a sure fire way to get his blood pumping. Screw sexy lingerie and skimpy outfits, he'd take watching Lucy fight any day! Maybe he could even get her to use her star dresses in the bedroom? Now there was food for thought and it was making him drool.

Aside from Natsu's kinky thoughts, once he'd managed to pull her off of the card wielder, kicking and screaming he might add, he'd dragged her over to a secluded bench and sat her down, giving her time to take a few deep breaths. Master Makarov had appeared in the main hall not long after, probably to see what all the commotion was about. Sighing in relief to see the building still intact, he'd caught sight of the two mages he'd wanted to see and gestured for them to go with him, not wanting anyone else to follow.

And now here they were, sitting across from the Master who was currently speaking complete gibberish to the baby he'd insisted on holding. Natsu still didn't understand why people did that, it made them look insane! Aside from Lucy that is, she looked adorable when she did it. Haru, seated in the Master's lap, had taken a liking to the poor man's facial hair, tangling his chubby hands into it and tugging, making the old man wince from his strong grip. Even though it was obviously hurting, he couldn't bring himself to stop the chuckling baby, not when the little guy was finding it ever so funny.

"You two are doing a great job at looking after this little man, he's come a long way since the beginning and he's much bigger now too." Makarov told them, but didn't spare either a single glance as he spoke, too preoccupied with entertaining the infant.

"Thanks Master, that means a lot to us." Lucy said, smiling as the youngster continued to giggle at the older man.

"How're you both finding it all? A blue birdy told me you're now living together?" He asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Yes, we did a few months ago, Natsu extended his house for us all." Lucy said, looking over to Natsu who grinned at her. "And I think we're getting along just fine. It was a little stressful at first but now I couldn't imagine my life without him." Lucy answered, but she wasn't convinced that the Master had pulled them into the back room just to ask how they were. He could have done that in the main hall.

"Lucy's right, it's awesome! Haru is a great kid and I'm proud to call him my son." Natsu beamed, fisting the air in his enthusiasm.

"That's what I like to hear! You both made a very tough decision with barely any time to really think it through, but you've made the most of it and I know everyone in the guild is really happy for you." The old man uttered.

"Thanks Gramps! Was there something else you wanted us for?" Natsu asked, turning to Lucy to see if she was thinking the same. Was this really all the Master wanted to say to them?

Makarov finally looked up to the two mages who were staring at him curiously and sighed. "I guess it's time to tell you the real reason why I asked you in here. I apologise for the unexpected meeting but I have something of great importance that came for you both and it couldn't wait." He said, sporting a serious expression all of a sudden.

"What is it, Master? You mean like a letter?" Lucy asked, the way his face turned stoic had put her on edge in an instant.

"Yes, I ha-" He stopped, hearing whispering coming from outside the room, "Can you hear that?"

"It's Gray, Erza and Happy standing outside the door." Natsu shrugged like it wasn't news to him, "They've been there the whole time."

The Master rolled his eyes, of course there were eavesdroppers, he should've known. "Well, it's up to you two whether you want them in here or not?"

Natsu looked to Lucy and nodded, if they were that desperate to listen in then they might as well join them. The slayer walked over to the locked door and opened it, revealing the surprised group who stumbled into the room and fell at Natsu's feet. He raised an eyebrow at them as they slowly all made eye contact with him, sheepish grins on all of their faces.

"Oh look, the nosey brigade have arrived!" Natsu said sarcastically, crossing his arms as they all ungracefully stood up, treading on each others feet and clashing heads in the narrow door way. "If you were trying to be quiet, you failed! I could hear you all coming a mile off!"

"Yeah, well, not everyone's a freak like you." Gray spat back, clutching at his head after smacking it against the door handle.

"You're just pissed 'cause you got caught snooping!" Natsu taunted, a smirk splitting his features.

"It was Happy's idea, Flame brain! He was the one complaining that you two had gone off and left him again, so blame him!" The ice mage exclaimed, knocking heads with the fire mage and filling the air with testosterone.

"Hey! Don't blame me, you and Erza were sneaking around after them! This was your idea!" The exceed defended, it wasn't his fault that people kept forgetting about him.

They all continued to squabble for a little longer, trying to pass the blame between Gray and Happy as to why they had followed Natsu and Lucy, stopping only when the Master cleared his throat.

"Um, pardon the intrusion Master, we were just, er… Coming to lend our moral support to Natsu and Lucy." Erza stuttered, unable to come up with a good enough excuse for their eavesdropping.

"Whatever you say, just sit down and keep quiet." Makarov gave an exasperated sigh, these kids were going to be the death of him, along with the rest of the damn guild. They filtered in and quickly sat down where they could around Natsu and Lucy. "Right, now that that's sorted… back to what I called you two in here for." He pulled an envelope out from his stacks of paperwork and slid it across the table. They both looked at the paper curiously and saw clearly written in black ink, 'Natsu Dragneel and Lucy Heartfilia' with the word 'PRIVATE' in large, stamped letters underneath.

"What's this Gramps? It looks kinda important… Is it from the council?!" Natsu began to sweat profusely, thinking back on any times recently where he'd destroyed something, but nothing came to mind. He hadn't been on a mission in months so that couldn't be it. "Have you been destroying things again, Lucy?" He crossed his arms and raised his brow at her, quirking his lips up at her offended, but totally adorable pout.

"I'm not you, Natsu!" She raised her voice at him, then looked down at the envelope again, inspecting it closely. "I don't think this is about our missions is it?" She asked, directing the question more towards the Master, who simply shook his head. He may not have read it himself but like Lucy, he'd caught on pretty quickly. "If that's the case then I don't think I want to open it…" There was only one reason that Lucy could think of for being sent such a letter.

"What's wrong, Lucy? Do you know what it's about?" Happy chipped in, flying over and landing on her lap. Gray and Erza looked just as lost as Natsu did in that moment.

"Surely it can't be that bad? Why don't you wanna open it?" Natsu asked, still very much confused about the whole thing.

Lucy didn't say anything, she cast her gaze away from the envelope to look at the sweet baby gurgling away in the Master's arms. She felt her tears well up in her eyes and all she could think was if this was bad news, she didn't know what she was going to do.

Natsu took note of the growing despair in Lucy's eyes and followed her line of vision, landing on the infant. He furrowed his brows for a moment trying to work out what could've upset her so suddenly. "Is this letter about Haru?" He asked, realisation hitting him.

Now he remembered! When they'd first brought Haru home, much to the slayer's chagrin, they'd spent hours and hours filling out stupid amounts of paperwork to send off so that they could officially adopt him. They knew at the time that the adoption process would take a while and that they would have to wait for an answer. After that, he'd put it to the back of his mind and it didn't take long for him to forget about it altogether.

He looked back to Lucy who hadn't said a word since she'd realised what it was herself. Natsu didn't bother waiting for her to answer and went to pick up the letter, wanting to know what was so awful about it.

"Wait!" He felt Lucy's hand grab the wrist that he'd reached out towards the table and halted his movements, peering back over to her and tilting his head in confusion. "W-What… What if it's bad news?"

"Why would it be bad news, Luce?" He asked, not fully understanding the problem yet. If it was just to say they could keep him, then that was good wasn't it?

"You have to understand how diligent they are! They could take a disliking to one silly little thing and it can turn the tables against us." She could feel the dread come up from her stomach into her chest, what would they do? "Don't you understand? Bad news means they'll take him from us and give him to someone else and we'll never see him again."

"Never see him again? Over my dead body! How can you be sure it's bad? It might not-"

"But what if it is? What do we do then?" The tears finally fell, coming down like torrents and that's when it dawned on Natsu that Lucy's fear was a very real possibility.

He looked back at the little one and watched him happily inspect his fingers, another thing he'd discovered recently. A life without Haru was something Natsu had never considered, why would he want to think of that? His heart picked up speed a little and a sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. Haru was their son, no one had a right to take him from them, not even that birth father of his. It was the whole point of going through this ridiculous adoption process in the first place, to keep him safe and with them, forever.

That being said, Natsu also wasn't one for conforming to the rules, if they'd decided that him and Lucy weren't suitable enough, then he would fight with every last slither of determination to keep Haru with them, no matter the cost.

"Can they really do that, Gramps? After everything Natsu and Lucy have done for Haru, they can just take him?" Gray asked, if that were the case then that was absolute bullshit and so unfair!

"I'm afraid so, it can be a ruthless system." Makarov explained, shifting the baby in his lap so that he was now facing his parents, smiling happily when he caught sight of them.

"In the end, the one that suffers the most is the innocent child stuck in the middle of it all." Erza expanded, feeling nothing but sympathy as she gazed at Lucy, who looked totally distraught by the idea of losing little Haru.

"I'm not gonna let that happen!" Everyone heard and turned swiftly to the dragon slayer, his sight was fixed on the baby, determination in his voice. He looked at everyone in turn, gauging their shocked expressions before landing on Lucy, who still had tears flowing down her cheeks. He reached his hand out and interlaced his fingers with hers, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "No matter what that letter says, Haru's ours, Lucy, he'll always be ours." His voice sounded firm and assured, but a shadow was cast over his eyes, making it hard for Lucy to read his face. She could tell the very idea of this all going sideways was affecting him way more than he was letting on.

He sighed loudly, hoping that all this worry was for nothing. He looked over to Lucy to make sure she was okay and then over to Haru, unable to contain his smile as he watched the little one suck on his tiny fists.

"Are you ready, Lucy?" He asked, picking the envelope up and opening it.

"Ready as I'll ever be." She replied, worry thickly coating her voice.

"Dear Mr Dragneel and Miss Heartfilia,

This letter has been formally written to you to update you on the adoption application you made to us for the infant known as Haru.

It is to our understanding that he is currently living with you both at your permanent residence in the city of Magnolia, Fiore and has done so since early Spring of this year. From the information given to us by yourselves and the current Master of the mages guild, Fairy Tail, in which you are both long serving members, this is what we have concluded:"

"Wow, I've never heard Natsu sound so official before, you should speak like that more often, makes it sound like you gotta brain." Gray butted in and sniggered, trying to lighten the mood a little, gaining nothing but a clip around the head from Erza.

"Shut it, Frosty! It's not my fault it's worded so weirdly!" Natsu spat back, scowling at the Ice mage. "If you're so smart, why don't you read it!"

"Be quiet! This is an important matter and I don't want either of you to start fighting at a time like this." Erza demanded, voice stern and intimidating, shutting both boys up.

"Give it here…" Lucy huffed and snatched the letter from Natsu's hand, deciding it best if she were to carry on in his place. She cleared her throat and began where Natsu had finished.

"As you are aware, the law states that a child may be re homed permanently in very exceptional circumstances which are listed below for your reference;

1. The birth parents choose and/or grant permission to give up their child for reasons they believe would benefit the child.

2. The safety and/or well-being of the child have been greatly compromised because of abuse and/or neglect inflicted upon them by their birth parents.

3. Both birth parents perish and the child has no other close friends or relatives that can willingly take responsibility for them.

In this circumstance, we decided category one only applied. We recently made contact with the child's only living relative, his birth father, to attain information regarding his relationship with his biological child. After much discussion, it was clear that he did not want to be a part of the child's life, believing himself to be incapable of meeting the child's needs at this difficult time."

"Pfft… Incapable of meeting his needs, you can say that again…" Natsu scoffed, gaining everyone's attention.

"Natsu!" Lucy yelled, getting irritated by his need to interrupt her.

"Sorry, it just made me laugh that's all!" He shrugged, backing down when Lucy glared at him.

"After advising him that it was in the child's best interest to remain with his current living situation with yourselves, he subsequently agreed to relinquish all parental responsibility and henceforth, no longer has any lawful right to the child.

As a result, we would like to congratulate you on the successful adoption of your son, Haru Dragneel and will post his new birth records to you in due course. We wish you both the very best with your new family."

Once she'd finished reading she placed the paper down and the room fell silent for a moment, allowing the news to sink in. She gaped at her partner, noticing the huge grin forming in his cheeks. But before he could say anything, she leapt out of her seat and flung herself at him, accidentally shoving him off of the chair and down to the ground, both landing in a heap of tangled limbs.

"He's ours! Oh my god Natsu, he's officially ours!" She squealed, unable to contain her excitement and relief.

Before anyone could react, the sound of Haru's infectious laughter filled the air, brightening the room. Watching his Mommy fall on top of his Daddy like that had tickled his funny bone. Natsu and Lucy grinned like idiots, bringing their foreheads together and revelling in the sweet sound of their baby's amusement. The others watched on at the tender moment, grins all plastered on their faces as they stood to congratulate the ecstatic couple.

"I guess now you really have officially beaten me, Natsu. You know you choosing to be a father to a child that isn't yours takes guts, I respect that, but now it's on to see who can have the most kids." Gray sniggered as he darted out of the room, probably to go and find Juvia…

Natsu, unable to fire back at Gray before he left, looked up at Lucy and smirked, "Don't even think about it!" She stared him down, "I am not spending the rest of my youth popping out children for you to win some stupid bet against Gray!"

"Dang it! But Lucy, he's gonna win! Juvia's not gonna say no!" He whined, of course with mirth, trying to wind her up as always, which was clearly working.

"What a joyous day this is! I'm so happy for you both!" Erza's face lit up like she was planning something as she walked out of the door.

"So kids, I'm glad we got a happy ending because that could've turned out much worse and I don't think the guild hall would've stood a chance against Natsu's fiery temper. I'm going for a drink before my heart gives out and this little guy is coming with me." Makarov said as he too left the room with Haru still happily playing in his arms.

Happy flew over, the last one left in the room, hoping he wouldn't catch a glimpse of the pair being all gross with each other. "So I guess I am officially his big brother now, which means I have an exclusive right to teach him how to wind Lucy up, in fact, I think I better go start now. Wait for me, Master!" He giggled at Lucy's unimpressed face and flew out of the room, shutting the door behind him, leaving just the two of them, alone.

Natsu reached his hand up to her cheek to bring her attention back to him and caressed it softly with his thumb, taking in her beautiful features whilst feeling a sense of calm. Everything had fallen into place and he was overjoyed by the good news. No more worrying, (not that he did much anyway) Haru was all theirs and they could now look to the little ones future, to their future as a family.

"I love you so much, Lucy." His voice was soft and sweet, a total opposite to his usual destructive personality. Lucy leaned her face towards his, her heart pounding in her chest and filling with warmth from his words. She could barely contain her grin as they locked eyes with one another, her lips brushing up against his.

"I love you too, Natsu. I'm so happy!" She met his lips with a sweet but smouldering kiss. Lucy felt her skin heat up at his very touch, and her body tremored from the excess adrenaline pumping through it.

They continued their make out session for a little while longer, completely lost in each other. They were both overwhelmed with pure elation by the outcome of that letter, even though in reality, nothing would actually change. Their lives would carry on as it was, but now at least they had that security of Haru remaining with them indefinitely.

Their kiss slowly burned into something more heated, reminiscent of the previous night, especially when Lucy's hips rubbed against Natsu's groin, causing him to growl into her mouth. It was like something had awoken within them and all the pent up emotions were leaking out in more frenzied movements, turning lustful the more they touched each other.

Lucy detached her lips from Natsu's mouth and slowly made her way down to his neck, grazing over his scar there and sending shivers through his body. She snaked her hands down to his pants and began to rub the awakening dragon through his clothes, feeling him twitch excitedly under her hand. His eyes rolled back into his head and he let out a harsh breath, relishing in the firmness of her strokes. But before all sense of sanity travelled south, he grabbed at her wrist, halting her movements and gauging her shocked expression.

"I don't think now is a good time, Luce. Anyone could walk in, which they will if we don't show our faces soon." He said, trying to compose himself, but man, did her hand feel good on him! It wasn't him that had the problem with being caught, he just knew Lucy wouldn't like that. He could picture her mortified face clearly, she'd be so utterly horrified, she'd probably never want to touch him again and he couldn't have that!

"You're right, I guess." She sat up, disappointment clear in her voice, feeling a little saddened that Natsu had declined her advances. She looked to the door when something caught her eye. "That door has a lock on it…" She looked at him with the biggest shit eating grin and went to stand, pulling Natsu up with her.

"That desperate, huh?" He teased, leaning against the desk with his leg crossed over the other and his arms folded over his chest, looking smug. "You know a locked door won't stop them, right?"

"Dammit! Fine, let's go and join them then…" She sighed deflated, turning to walk out of the door but stopped when Natsu pulled her back to him, caging her against the desk he was previously leaning on.

"And where do you think you're running off to?" He growled against her ear, sucking her lobe and making her quiver. He could see the slight confusion in her face as he carried out his ministrations.

"B-But, I-I thought you said…" She stammered.

"Don't think I don't want to, Lucy. I'd love nothing more than to bend you over this table right now and fuck you until you scream my name." She gasped at the brashness of his words, feeling her legs turn to jelly at the mere thought of Natsu doing that. He touched his lips down to her jaw, leaving sensual open mouthed kisses all the way down to her mouth, then stopped and smirked whilst eyeing her plump lips, waiting for her to speak.

She said nothing, she could barely breathe from the intense glare that Natsu was giving her and the way he was speaking… it made her shudder! She could feel herself moisten down below from the sheer sexiness of his demeanour. Where did he learn to act like this? Lucy was sure if he kept it up, she'd be a blonde puddle on the floor.

The boy grabbed both of her cheeks and pulled her to him, pressing their lips together and enjoying the smoothness of her tongue as it danced with his. He pulled away all too soon causing Lucy to whimper at the loss of contact. "Come on Luce, let's go join the others. We'll continue this later." He winked at her blushing face, taking her hand and leading them out of the door.

As soon as they entered the main hall, a stream of cheers and clinking of glasses filled the room. Obviously someone had opened their mouths and told them all about the good news, probably Happy… or Erza? Lucy should have guessed they'd use any excuse for a party. They walked on over to the bar where Haru was laying calmly beside Makarov, babbling away and sucking on his fists again.

"Congrats guys! I'm so happy for you both!" Levy said from the side, she beamed at them. "Happy told us all about your letter, in fact I think he told everyone."

Lucy rolled her eyes, she really did have to have words with that damn cat, he needed to learn to keep his mouth shut every once in a while. "Thanks Levy, it's such a relief!" Lucy sat herself down, about to reach over to Haru when Natsu got there first.

"It's my turn, Luce. You changed him last time." He said, picking up the little one and scrunching up his nose at the horrific smell lingering around the baby. Holding his breath, he proceeded to change the baby on a nearby bench, burning the soiled diaper to get rid of the stench. Natsu dressed him in fresh clothes and wrapped his scaly scarf around him to keep him warm. He picked Haru up, cuddling him close to his chest and smiled, "Does that feel better little guy? You know for such a small person, you make one hell of a smell!" Haru simply smiled at his father, knowing full well that after a diaper change he was always rewarded with milk time and boy, did he look forward to that!

"I think someone's hungry!" Natsu chuckled at the little boy, who was now sucking the life out of the scarf and making cute little noises. He walked back over to Lucy and sat down beside her. She passed a fresh bottle for the slayer to warm in his hand, placing it into the infants mouth who accepted it greedily. Both Natsu and Lucy smiled fondly at the little one, lost in their own little baby bubble as they watched him guzzle down his bottle. The soft voice of one of their friends breaking them out of their daze.

"You know, seeing you like this Natsu, reminds me of when we first found Happy's egg and played house all the time as kids." Lisanna said from the other side of the bar, she'd been watching Natsu with the baby and it had brought fond memories back to her of their childhood together. "I always thought you'd make a good Daddy one day!"

"Oh, um, thanks!" Natsu replied, blushing a little at the unexpected compliment. He looked up at the girl who was leaning over the bar, propping her head up with both arms, smiling fondly at the fire mage.

"It still amazes me that you've managed to keep him alive for so long. You could barely take care of yourself until Lucy came along." Gray sniggered as he waltzed on over to the bar. "And I bet she's still constantly cleaning up after you!"

"That's rich coming from an idiot not wearing any underwear." Natsu eyed the ice mage, watching him jump when he looked down at himself and realised he was completely naked. "Go find your pants man! I don't want Haru learning your freaky stripping habits."

"And I don't want him picking up on either of your stupid fighting habits!" Lucy butted in before another fight broke out, silencing the two males immediately. "Haru is a sweet boy, I'd like to keep him that way!" She smiled and reached out a hand to stroke the baby's head.

"He's definitely got an appetite like Natsu's." Wendy giggled, smitten with the little one. "But he still might end up like you, Lucy."

"One can only hope!" Lucy chuckled at Natsu's pretend hurt expression. "What? Let me have something, I am the only girl in the house, it's only fair!" She giggled, laying her head on Natsu's shoulder, both watching their little one finish his milk.

"Ugh, you guys are so pure, it hurts me!" Cana exclaimed, smacking her drink down on the bar top, making every mage present jump. She was obviously very drunk at this point, allowing her mouth to run away with her even more than usual. "Come on, let's get this party started!"

"Actually, Natsu and I are gonna head out, Haru's run out of milk and he gets hungry pretty quickly." She chuckled, not sparing the drunk girl a single glance, too enraptured by the cute baby.

"Don't make excuses! You guys are just eager to get home and use your new presents! Don't want any accidents now do we?" Cana grinned evilly at Lucy, who'd gone wide eyed and quiet at the brunette's words. Natsu stiffened and chanced a glance over at the two girls. He didn't want to have to deal with this again, not after this morning!

"Presents? What presents? Was it your birthday or something, Lucy?" Levy asked, not taking notice of the sudden tense atmosphere. She was sure Lucy's birthday wasn't for a few months yet?

"On that note, I think we should head out! Come on, Luce, off we go!" Natsu stood abruptly, grabbing hold of the blonde who looked just about ready to blow. If looks could kill… "Bye everyone, see you tomorrow!" He shouted through Cana's howling, fleeing out of the door with Haru in one hand and Lucy in the other.

He ran as fast as he could away from the guild hall, surprised by the lack of resistance from his partner but didn't want to let go just in case. Once they reached their house, Natsu flung the door open and pulled Lucy inside, locking it behind him before she could run back and give Cana a piece of her mind. Taking a long, deep breath, he watched her walk over and slump down onto the couch and let out her own sigh.

Natsu walked over and placed a very sleepy Haru in the basket next to the couch, tucking his scaly scarf over the little one to keep him warm. Turning his attention back to Lucy, he perched himself next to her, wondering what could have dampened her mood so unexpectedly.

"You okay, Luce? You're being very quiet… Did Cana get to you that much?" His voice laced with concern for her change in behaviour, hoping that bringing up the card wielder wouldn't set her off again.

"Oh, er, no, she's harmless really…" She trailed off, looking down at her lap and fiddling with the hem of her shirt, feeling those nervous bubbles take residence in her belly again.

"Are you sure? You can tell me if something's bothering you." He said, placing his hand on her thigh and began to softly stroke it. He could see that she was hesitant about branching any further into what was on her mind. He took her hands in his and moved to face her directly, staring deep into her averted eyes, catching the uncertainty in them. "Luce, I can't help if you don't tell me."

Taking a deep breath, she attempted to explain to him the problem, "I-It's what Cana said when we left the guild. We, um, forgot something when we, you know… last night and, well…" She faltered, struggling to hold any sort of gaze on his curious face. "And now I-I might, well, we might be, um…"

"Having another baby?" He came straight out with it, gauging her shocked expression.

He'd had a suspicion that it was something along those lines because of how Lucy had gone strangely quiet on the way home after Cana had teased her about using the condoms. Ever the immature idiot, Natsu was more perceptive than people gave him credit for, especially when it came to Lucy, he could read her like an open book.

Lucy snapped her head to his, eyes wide open and her mouth agape like she'd just seen a ghost. She could feel the panic rise up the more she played out what he'd just said over and over in her mind. Only thinking it in her head up until that point, but hearing it said out loud was a whole different ball game.

"And you were worried about what I might think, if you told me?" His expression remained neutral but firm. He knew he'd guessed right because of the way she'd reacted when he'd said it. The fire breather was sure he could hear the rapid beat of her heart hammering against her chest and the fact her cheeks had turned the darkest shade of red with beads of sweat forming on her brow, gave her away before she'd even said anything.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, Natsu, I've ruined everything! I don't know how I forgot, and now I don't know what to do, it only takes one time for it to happen! Was it nerves? Or maybe I-" She tried to keep her voice down for Haru's sake, but she was struggling to stop the words from flooding out of her mouth.

Natsu pressed his lips to hers to stop her from rambling, taking her by surprise. He felt a few stray tears touch his face, making his heart clench in sympathy for her. Waiting for her to calm down, he pulled away after a few moments, placing his forehead on hers. His eyes were closed for now and his breath was slow and even. Lucy waited nervously for him to say something, anything… yet he remained calm and quiet. She hadn't expected him to be this relaxed about it, but then this was Natsu after all, he always looked on the brighter side of things.

"Shh, it's alright Lucy. Accidents happen, so you don't have to be sorry. I take half the blame because it takes two remember?" He opened his eyes, his voice was soothingly gentle, allowing her to calm herself down a little and think more clearly. "Would it be so bad if we were to have another little one?" He waited a moment to see if she would answer. Her eyes flickered between his as she digested his question, would it be that bad?

"It's just, I-I don't… I-I'm not sure if I'm-" She stuttered, barely managing to get the words out as he stared so intently at her, gauging the fear still present in her expression.

"I get that the idea is scary, Luce, I'm not gonna pretend otherwise, but we managed it with Haru, right? And he's doing just fine!" He smiled, not one to dwell on the past but feeling it necessary for her to know his true feelings on the matter. "I didn't know the first thing about babies when we took Haru in and neither did you, but we learnt and now look at where we are. Sure, I worried about doing right by him, especially in those first weeks, but it was worth the struggle for his happiness. To see his smile and to hear him laugh is reward enough." He looked down and sighed, "Because I realised that none of those worries even comes close to how scared I was today, when I realised that my little boy could be taken from me. The fear of having him was nothing compared to the fear of losing him."

"I had no idea you felt that way, Natsu, you always seem so optimistic. Why didn't you say? I could've helped you through it." Lucy said, shocked by just how open he was being with her, it was a rare occurrence to hear him speak so freely about his feelings.

"You helped me by being there, Lucy. Which is exactly what I'm trying to tell ya! If there were a tiny chance of a baby making itself at home in there, then that would be okay with me, because they'd be ours, just like Haru." He said pressing his hand to her stomach, filling her with warmth and comfort as he smiled lovingly at her. "I'll always be there for you, no matter what happens because we're always gonna be together."

He pulled Lucy closer and wrapped her in his arms, breathing in her sweet scent. He looked down at her flat stomach and allowed himself to imagine for a single moment that one day a new life, that they'd created together, would be growing just below where his hand lay, one he would welcome wholeheartedly. He quickly shook the image from his mind, leaning his head on her shoulder and taking another deep breath, relaxing himself. Feeling just that little bit lighter for getting all that off of his chest.

"Thank you, Natsu. I can always count on you." Lucy smiled, looking over at the infant snoring away with the scarf still resting near his mouth. The slayer was right, it didn't matter because they were always going to be together.

"So... does that mean I still have a chance at winning that bet against Gray then?" He grinned mischievously, waiting for her inevitable reaction.

"Natsu!" Her face tinting pink again at what he was implying. "Absolutely not!"

"I'm kidding, Lucy! I know you're not ready for that just yet." He smiled, hoping that would bring her much needed comfort. She grinned back at him, feeling relief take over her entire form. "And now thanks to Cana and all of those condoms on our bed, we can get in a load of practice." He said, leaning forwards and attacking the sensitive skin on her neck, hearing her heart rate increase and a sharp breath pass her lips.

"Hmm, I do believe we have some unfinished business to attend to?" She smirked, tugging at his hair while he sucked and nipped at her already swollen lips.

Feeling a fire in his belly, he was quick to drag her up the stairs, placing the little one in his own room while they occupied their bedroom. Their movements became erratic, unable to get enough of the other. Pure lust filled the air as they ravaged each other's bodies, making them yearn for more contact, more pleasure. Natsu released himself from the confines of his pants and slid his shaft up and down Lucy's soaking wet entrance, eliciting soft moans from the sweet torture he was giving her. With one fluid movement he sheathed himself within her, groaning from the intense pressure created.

"Mm, it feels so good, Natsu!" She breathed harshly, furrowing her brows as she got use to having him inside her once again.

"I haven't even started yet, Lucy, I hope you're ready for a long night!" He teased, pulling himself out then thrusting back in, making himself grunt and Lucy cry out in ecstasy.

He leaned down and mashed their lips together, his tongue massaging hers while he pulsed deeply into her, making her moan loudly into him. Sweat was pouring off of his face as he increased in speed, wanting to elicit as much noise from her beautiful mouth as he could, bringing her and himself closer to the edge. They were completely lost in each other, totally forgetting that they weren't the only one's that lived there.

It was only later that evening, that Happy decided he'd had enough of being at the guild and was ready to go home and sleep. Nearing the little house he'd long called home, he heard something strange coming from the bedroom window. Curiosity getting the better of him, he flew up and peered inside. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head, Natsu and Lucy were wrestling?! No, that didn't seem right, they looked to be enjoying it and were… naked?! Realisation struck him straight in the gut at just what he was playing audience to and let out a horrified shriek, legging it away from the house and back to the guild to tell someone of the horrors that he'd seen.

"My eyes! My eyes!" Lucy heard coming from the distance, she pulled away from Natsu's mouth and stared up at his eyes, looking just as oblivious as always.

"Can you hear something?" She asked, not really sure if it was just her ears playing tricks on her or not.

"I can't really hear anything over your moaning." He sniggered, reattaching himself to her jaw instead.

"I'm being serious! I'm sure I heard someone say something from outside!" She pushed his head away from her so that she could listen clearly without being distracted, but heard nothing.

"Luce, I hear a lot of things, it's probably some animal or whatever, we do live next to woodland." He sighed, trying to calm her nerves so he could get back to the task at hand.

"Hmm… If you're sure?" She wasn't entirely convinced that Natsu hadn't heard it, not with his sensitive hearing and all, but it seemed to have stopped for now.

Beginning where he left off, he leaned back down to kiss her swollen lips, slowly pushing himself back into her and revelling in the beautiful noises she made. He hammered into her until her body quaked as she came undone, yelling Natsu's name to the whole of Magnolia. Hearing her cum so hard, was what finally gave him his own release, groaning through gritted teeth until finally collapsing onto the bed next to her. Peace and exhaustion washing over them both, he smiled at her drowsy, flushed face watching as her eyes closed shut, his own lids following suit as they cuddled up to one another.

Although struggling to think of anything but the gorgeous girl beside him, he did manage to make a mental note to apologise to Happy for what he may or may not have seen from the window. Hoping they hadn't traumatised the cat too much, Natsu definitely had some explaining to do!

Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I do apologise for it taking over a month to come out. Juggling work, a toddler and life in general makes it hard to find time to sit down and write and it doesn't help when I write something and then decide to delete it and then write it all over again... Anyway, thanks for supporting this story, I'll try to get chapter 12 to you as quick as I can!

#Nalu #fairy tail nalu #nalu fanfic #nalu fanfiction #nalu smut #nalu baby #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #Natsu and Lucy #natsu x lucy #fanfiction #fanfic #fairy tail fanfiction #happy (fairy tail)#fairy tail #fairy tail 100 years quest #Smut

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exhaustedfander · 4 years

Note

One shot request intruality, Patton and Remus having a conversation about their insecurities. Mostly focusing on how they both have times of struggling to understand the other sides ex. Making some changes

This isn’t exactly what was requested, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I had a lot of fun with this one!

Word Count: 3,322

Summary: Recently, Patton and Remus's relationship has begun to change. When Patton lets a pet name slip by accident, a much-needed conversation takes place.

ao3 link

Sweet Pea

To say that Remus hadn’t been expecting any of this would be a gross understatement. He is by no means the kind of side to have too many expectations; when your whole thing is being unpredictable, you learn to stop expecting things and simply see what life chucks your way. Even so, having a relationship with Patton of any kind has thrown him for a loop like very few things can.

It isn’t as though Remus has a vendetta against Patton. Sure, the guy is a lot more clean-cut then his style, which is to say, not a rat-man, and he indulges in far fewer of life’s pleasures than Remus does, but he doesn’t hate him. For a while there, he’d been real fun to mess with, knowing Patton was so afraid of him. So much as walking into a room could set the fatherly side on edge, and wasn’t that just the best? He adored messing with any of the others, but Patton was by far the easiest.

The only problem is, it’s become a hell of a lot less fun with Patton since the massive shift that’s occurred between them. When Janus got accepted into the “good guys,” Remus was convinced that his role likely wouldn’t change – which he was totally fine with! He’s been the same old Duke for years, even if Thomas hadn’t known about him for almost the entirety of his life, and that was okey-doke. But… after Janus found himself a seat at the table, so it seemed, did Remus.

It isn’t as though he’s been given the green light to try and convince Thomas to do absolutely anything he wants to do, as fun as that would be. But the weird thing is, Patton had apologized to him. Morality, who’d been so wary of him for so long, had told him that he had been judging him too harshly and that surely, there was a lot of good in him. Remus isn’t one to have expectations, but that had struck him as odd. Why the fuck would Patton want him to be around, considering all he represented? Why would morality want anything to do with him?

As weird as everything is, Remus had been under the impression that Patton was merely tolerating him, maybe in an attempt to make the others believe he was making nice with everyone. At first, Remus kept up his usual behavior, obnoxious and crude, but it didn’t rattle Patton like it used to. Sure, he’d get a surprised shriek or two when he dangled from the ceiling from one of his tentacles or rose up unexpectedly, but then Patton would simply smile at him and say hello.

Patton isn’t scared of him, not anymore, and Remus doesn’t quite know what to do with that.

He’s used to others being unnerved in his presence, considering who he is. But since Patton has been alright with him hanging around them more and more, he’s noticed them doing more to tolerate him as well. Roman is, well, he isn’t complaining about him quite as much as usual. He’s even stopped chastising him every time he comes into the imagination claiming he’ll “Ruin everything!”, even if it is their shared domain. Virgil still seems fairly irritated with him, but that’s nothing new and Remus doesn’t mind. Logan is being far more considerate of him then he’d think, considering he’d chucked throwing stars at his face before. Janus has always at the very least tolerated him, so that’s just peachy-keen. The other sides are being considerate enough not to complain every time he’s near, but Patton has gone above and beyond in welcoming him lately. And that… is decidedly very weird.

He's invited him to come to dinner, even encouraging that he can eat whatever he wants, no matter how seemingly inedible it is. It’s certainly amusing to see the looks on the other’s faces when he sits down at the dinner table as if he belongs there; he doesn’t think he belongs there, but that’s beside the point.

Patton does everything he can to keep things civil at the table, to a point where Remus is almost impressed if he weren’t such an agent of chaos himself. He nips blossoming spats between Virgil and Janus in the bud as quickly as they arise and he tells jokes and puns that Remus can’t help but find a little endearing, in a silly, dad way. Remus decides to tell some jokes of his own, and while they are on the harsher and more disgusting side, he elicits a few chuckles from Patton while the rest of them simply roll their eyes.

It doesn’t make any sense; Patton has just stopped being terrified of him, and now here he is, morality, giggling at Remus’s mention of cannibalism. Has the world gone mad? Has he gone mad? Quite possibly.

Things only grow stranger from that point on. Patton speaks often with Remus, encouraging him that they are getting to be “real good friends” and Remus is even invited to movie nights (“I’m afraid your birthday suit is not an acceptable outfit for movie night, kiddo).

It isn’t hard to tell that the others are at least somewhat displeased with him being there, for the most part. Sure, Janus doesn’t have any problems with him, and Logan doesn’t seem to hate him, but Roman is clearly very agitated and Virgil seems to be doing everything in his power to ignore him. And yet Patton, of all sides, continues to provide so much warmth and joy his way it almost made him want to puke.

Remus isn’t used to this kind of treatment. Even with Janus, someone he considers his closest friend, there is very little affection between them. Remus is used to being the gross one, the nuisance, the “problem child.” Being fawned over is a completely new experience and one he can’t decide how he feels about. Patton isn’t scared of him anymore, and that was kind of a bummer at first, but now? Well, now Remus isn’t quite sure what the hell is going on.

After movie night of a few Disney films, everyone else had decided to hit the hay, yet Patton and Remus remain. Remus is sure any moment now Patton will rise from his spot and declare that he is going to sleep, too. Except… that isn’t what happens.

Instead, Patton asks Remus if he has any movie recommendations, something they could watch, just the two of them.

“I don’t think my kind of movies are really your style, Pattycake,” Remus insists, thoroughly shocked that Patton would so much as ask. The fatherly side shakes his head.

“Well, that doesn’t mean we can’t give it a try. I’d like to watch something you enjoy for a change,” Patton says, smiling kindly, “If it’s really that bad, I’m sure I could just let you know.” That seems okay, Remus supposes.

“Yeah, alright. But don’t complain to me when you get sweet little nightmares,” Remus warns, though in actuality he doesn’t plan on showing Patton anything too intense. Before, the idea of giving Patton nightmares was positively delicious, but now – now it made him feel kinda sick, and not in a good way, either.

Remus decides to pop in The Cabin in the Woods, seeing as it is a comedy as well as horror and fairly silly, despite the gore. He’s sure Patton won’t be too much of a fan of it and bail out early on, and yet here he remains, sitting close to him on the couch and looking intently at the screen.

Remus realizes maybe he doesn’t know as much about Patton as he thought he did when he giggles a bit at a scene of people being mascaraed by a large group of monsters running amuck, laughing particularly hard when a character meets a gruesome fate at the hand of a less than conventionally attractive merman. All the while the movie has been going, Remus notices that Patton has been inching closer and closer until his head is resting on his shoulder. The thought of Patton willingly being so close to him sends a strange feeling of contentment through him. For most of their lives, Patton has been so wary of him, and now he’s almost as close as he can get. Why would something as silly as Patton laying his head on his shoulder make him feel so strange?

Remus is almost positive that he is going to burst into flames when Patton smiles at him once the film had ended and says: “I don’t know what you were worried about. That was a really fun movie, Sweet Pea.”

Remus jerks away, scooting to the edge of the couch while Patton shoots him a look of concern.

“Remus, are you okay?”

“What… what did you just call me?” Patton blinks.

“…Huh?”

“You called me Sweet Pea. Why – why the hell did you do that for?” Even in the fairly dark living room, Remus can see the blush that’s spread across Patton’s face, meaning his own flushed cheeks are visible as well. Patton wrings his hands, apprehension present in the action.

“W-well, I dunno, I guess it just kinda… slipped?” Patton offers weakly, praying Remus will accept the answer without fighting it any more than that. Of course, that’s not to be the case.

“It slipped?” Remus asks incredulously. “Why in the world would you use a word like that to describe me?” Patton doesn’t respond for a moment, his eyes settled on his lap, refusing to answer Remus’s burning question. After a minute or so, though, Patton speaks.

“Things have been different between us lately, haven’t they?”

The question hangs heavy in the air. Remus barely knows how to respond. Of course, things have been different; Patton’s actively professed he enjoys hanging-out, to say things hadn’t changed would be a blatant lie.

“I mean… yeah. You’ve been all sweet with me, I guess. Which you get is weird, right?”

“Why would it be weird?” Patton asks, so genuinely it hurts.

“Because,” Remus says as though Patton’s a lunatic for asking the question, gesturing vaguely to himself, “I’m me! Intrusive thoughts, remember? Everything nasty that’s been shut away for the last thirty-years; everything you hate.” Patton’s mouth creases into a frown.

“I don’t hate you, Remus. I… well, I never have. I was just scared of you, once, but I just didn’t understand you then.” Remus scoffs.

“And now you understand me completely?”

“I never said that. But…” Patton hesitates, biting his lip before extending Remus his hand, “I want to. I want to know you better. I was so lost in the belief that I knew best for so long… and I’ll always be sorry for that. I’m sorry for the way that I treated you and Janus; it wasn’t right of me. Not at all. But I’m trying. I want to know you guys. I want to know you, Remus.”

Remus retracts his hand, the warmth in his chest bursting into flames, a fire that’s sure to burn down everything that it touches.

“You don’t want that,” he insists, his eyes training on the wall, eager to avoid the heavy weight of Patton’s gaze.

“But I do!”

“No, you just think you do,” Remus grits through his teeth, the fire bathing him in a horrible warmth, “You – you just think you want that. But you don’t. You’re too sweet for that. Too sweet to know me that way. You’ll quit while you’re ahead if you know what’s good for you.” Remus rises to his feet, positive the fire is enveloping him now, positive to burn him to the ground. With each passing second, he burns a little brighter, skin melting and bones turning to ash. The feeling is something horrible, he realizes, more abhorrent than anything he could possibly conjure.

Remus is falling in love with Patton.

Remus shivers as Patton grabs a hold of his wrist, keeping him from feeling. Doesn’t he get it; Remus is trying to keep him from perishing in the fire as well. He’ll die alone, go up and smoke if it means Patton is safe.

“Patton – let go,” Remus says, the request a beg more than anything else. Patton shakes his head, determination brimming in his eyes.

“I won’t. I’m not letting you leave, Remus.”

Remus pulls harder, shocked by the sheer strength Patton is exhibiting. If it were anyone else, he’d do anything to escape, biting, scratching, and clawing his way out, if necessary. But Patton isn’t anyone else and he’s been stupid enough to develop dangerously strong feelings. Patton calling him something so soft and painfully domestic has awoken something fragile in him, and he intends to put an end to it.

“Why not? Why the fuck are you trying so hard to be nice to me? Why do you care?”

“Because…” Patton swallows the lump in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut as he lets go and admits it, “I like you!”

“Wh-what?”

“I said: I like you. I’ve been spending time with you because I want to. I want you to feel welcomed, I want you to know you have a place here. But also because I like you. A lot.” Finally, Patton’s released him, and yet Remus can’t find it in himself to run away.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“But I do!” Patton maintains, his eyes burning with a sincerity that’s scaring the hell out of Remus, “Lately, I’ve seen you light up and… I like that. I like seeing you so much happier, I like seeing you and Jan joking in the commons and at the dinner table. I like it when you greet me in silly ways when you hang from the ceiling with your tentacles or jump from behind the couch. I like the time we spend together; I like that I’m getting to know you more.

“I like you, Remus. And if you don’t feel the same… then I understand. If I’ve made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry… again. But I need you to understand that I want this, I want to hang out, I want to watch movies that you pick out. I want you to be real with me because you can! I’m not afraid of you anymore, and I never want to be ever again. Liking you is much better than that.”

Remus doesn’t know how to respond. The fire is incasing him now, but he’s not sure if he’s going to be reduced to a pile of ashes anymore. Patton is offering so much, more than he realizes. He’s offering the kindness he’s already shown him, offering understanding unlike he’s ever known, offering intimacy unlike he’s ever experienced. And he could turn away and forget this ever happened if he so desired. Patton’s giving him that option, too, no matter how much it’s clear that he doesn’t want to. All because of some sappy nickname being said accidentally, Remus is being extended an opportunity he never envisioned for himself.

Remus has the chance to get to know Patton for everything that he is, faults and all, a chance to see the moral side down to his very core. And, in turn, he’s being given the chance to be known himself, in a way he didn’t think anyone would ever truly be interested. It would be a major understatement to say he’s a little overwhelmed.

“Do you… do you mean it?” He hates the vulnerability in his wavering voice, threatening to break. He hasn’t felt so overrun by emotions of this caliber in years, used to being brushed aside and ignored. Patton smiles, so genuinely Remus is almost positive the heart he wasn’t aware of owning is about to burst.

“With all my heart,” Patton says, and that’s the straw that breaks the Camel’s back.

Remus launches himself forward, throwing his arms around the moral side and burying his face in his neck. Patton stiffens for a moment, caught off-guard before returning the embrace with nearly as much vigor.

“Me too,” Remus says, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he clings to Patton, the fire no less lively but dying down in terms of threat, “I like you too, Patton. A-a lot. More than bugs, or blood and guts, or all the deodorant in the world.” Patton laughs at that, the sound bright and so full of joy as he runs a hand through Remus’s frazzled hair.

“Well, what a lucky guy I am,” Patton says, though his tone is nothing but serious.

After a moment they part long enough to sit back down on the couch, though Remus is quick to place himself right in Patton’s lap, his legs wrapping around the moral side’s waist. Remus has never known much in the ways of personal space and Patton is almost always eager to hug the nearest person to him, combining to an unlikely but very cuddly pair.

“Hey, Remus, how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?” Patton asks. The smile that’s crept onto Remus’s face and refused to leave grows.

“I dunno, Pattycake, how many?”

“Ten tickles!” Patton says before unleashing an onslaught of tickles onto Remus, earning a trail of giggles Patton is sure is one of the loveliest things he’s ever heard.

“Sta-stop it! knock it off, Pat or I’ll-I’ll claw your eyes out!” Remus warns jokingly, peeling off into another peel of laughter before Patton stops.

“Hey, Sweet Pea?” Patton asks after a moment. The nickname surprises Remus, but this time he’s a little more prepared for it.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?” He asks softly, his hands cupping Remus’s face gently. Remus nods quickly, smiling as Patton leans in and closes the gap. The embrace is gentle, perhaps gentler than would be expected of Remus, but it’s nothing short of incredible. Remus relishes in the feeling of Patton’s soft lips, his hands burying themselves in Patton’s curls.

“Hey,” Remus says as they break apart, already intent on kissing Patton senseless the next chance he gets. For now, though, he’s drowning in the warmth that’s surrounding him, in the softness he’s suddenly been allowed.

“Hi,” Patton responds, his smile just as wide as Remus’s.

“You’re a damn good kisser, Cookie.” Patton turns three shades redder in a matter of seconds. “Aww, you got all embarrassed! You like me calling you my cookie?”

“Stop it, Remus!” Patton says with a giggle.

“What? You’re so sweet, I can’t help it.” “Remus.”

“Oh, so you can call me sweet pea, but I can’t call you cookie. How’s about my buttercup? Honeybee? Cutie Pie?”

“Remus,” Patton says, before pressing his lips to the intrusive side’s again, effectively silencing him.

Not long ago, Patton was terrified of Remus. Terrified of what he represented and what that could mean for Thomas. But that isn’t the case anymore, not nearly. Affection has grown between them without either of them realizing. They still don’t entirely know each other, not yet. But they will. Patton’s grown so much, accepting the faults in his thinking, and with Remus’s help, he’s sure he’ll continue to change for the better.

Remus never counted on intimacy, not seeing how it could possibly be in the cards. And yet here he is, embracing someone he hasn’t always understood but is now so desperate to now. Remus doesn’t entirely know if he’s built for this kind of tenderness, knowing that it wouldn’t be impossible for things to shift back and for Patton’s fear to remerge. For now, though, Remus doesn’t focus on the nagging thoughts of what could go wrong, simply embracing what’s right in front of him.

They put on another movie, going to bed at a reasonable time out the window, though it takes very little time for them to fall asleep in each other’s arms, the TV still playing some long since forgotten horror movie.

=+=

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