#james potter x lily evans angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunnami · 3 months

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❝i am half-agony, half-hope. . . i have loved none but you.❞

summary: how the marauders loved you in their time. featuring harry potter the time-traveller and sixth-wheel.

pairing/s: poly!marauders x reader. (james potter x reader, lily evans x reader, remus lupin x reader, and sirius black x reader.)

tags: reader is referred to as she/her and a mother throughout the whole fic[!], reader is a violent gremlin who craves blood but the marauders love you for that, implied child abuse[!], mentions of blood and violence[!], disgustingly sappy poetic fluff, no angst, happy ending, not proofread we die like finnick odair, edited: very minor detail.

note: there is little plot, it’s just the marauders and their adoration for you. thank you all so much for your kind responses to my first marauders fic :(( ilysm! i hope you enjoy this one as well! because there are parts when i was writing that i ended up kicking my feet in the air and smiling to myself.

“MY NAME IS HARRY POTTER. I come from twenty-years in the future, you’re my mum — one of my ‘em, actually. It’s complicated. And you’re married to James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black.”

You blink.

“Get the fuck out of my room!”

Harry James Potter has dodged many things in his life. Killing curses, jinxes, girls, Draco Malfoy, and Dudley’s sloppy punches, but he’s never had to dodge his sixteen-year-old mother’s fuzzy slipper before. (Godric, that sounds weird, even in his head.) He doesn’t know precisely how he arrived here. In the Slytherin common room, to be exact, in your dorm. Harry remembers duelling with Death Eaters, Hermione calling his name, and a flash of light hitting him square in the chest, then he remembers waking up in the cold tiles of the snake dungeon. He nearly throws himself off the window when he meets your eyes, bleary from interrupted sleep — it’s not often he gets to meet [read: one of] his dead parents, after all, three had been brutally murdered by Voldemort, and one killed by his own loony cousin. He misses Sirius, though. A lot. And right about now, he could do with some of Hermione’s nagging and brilliant plan-making.

At present — or past, Harry guesses — he watches you scramble out from your duvet, hand clumsily reaching for your wand as you snarl at him. He wonders if his mother knows that he’s encountered other creatures far more threatening than her. Oh shit, he realizes with all the forces of an angry Hermione Granger, isn’t this the last thing he’s supposed to do? But, well, Harry has given, and given, so much of himself all for the greater good — just this once, he’d like to see his parents alive and well. Even if they were currently trying to blast him into the walls.

“If you’d just let me explain, mum—!” Harry pleads, nearly dropping his glasses after dodging one of your stinging hexes. Godric, you’re crazy. “Please!”

“Stop calling me that!” You screech, eyes set ablaze. Harry finds that you’re quite dynamic with your attacks. A hairbrush, followed by a stinging jinx, then a thick History of Magic textbook — which rudely hits him in the face, but he doesn’t dare complain because you’re his mother, and he’s respectful like that — and after you’ve exhausted your breath, running him into a corner, and your nostrils flare with the stubbornness of a lion, you point the tip of your wand at him. “If this is another one of the Prewett’s shitty pranks, I want you to leave! You are in the girls’ dormitory beyond midnight, and so help me, if you aren’t walking out that door in the next five seconds, I will kill you and string you up by your bottoms for everyone in school to see! Maybe all your stupid rumours of me being a Death-Eater might come true after all!”

“You’re a Death-Eater?” Harry asks dumbly.

You growl furiously, and Harry figures that was not the right thing to say. “I wonder what McGonagall would say if I delivered your head to her on a silver platter.”

“Professor,” Harry corrects with a toothy grin. “Professor McGonagall.”

You slam his head against the wall.

Definitely the wrong thing to say.

Harry groans, little Dobby heads floating around his vision. Why was this so much harder than actually facing Voldemort? Quick, he needed to think of something, otherwise he’d end up eviscerated to ashes on your cold, stone floors. Harry is pretty sure you’d use his remains as decoration to send off a message to your enemies.

“You hate your father,” Harry slurs through the pain, remembering Remus’s stories of how you were the gentlest magical being he’s ever had the privilege to love — now that Harry thinks about it, Remus was being extremely biased, nothing about you is gentle at all. “He’s forcing you to marry someone old enough to be your grandfather. You love to read Muggle literature but had to stop when your father burnt your whole collection of books. Your favorite novel is Persuasion by Jane Austen. It’s the one book you carry with you everywhere, you could never get tired of it.”

Your grip on his shoulders falters, but the fury in your eyes crackles. “This isn’t funny.”

“It’s not meant to be funny, mum,” Harry croaks, voice cracking pathetically — strange how this is the most he’s ever uttered the word, mum; it’s a peculiar string of letters, foreign on his tongue. “You have tremors in your left leg from when your father cast the Cruciatus curse on you. One of your dearest friends is a Hogwarts house-elf named Pipley. You cheated on your Transfiguration essay once, and—”

“That’s enough!” You bark, eyes narrowed in dangerous slits. “I don’t know where you heard those from, you creepy, little stalker, but if you want to keep breathing, then I suggest you shut up.”

Harry scoffs — you don’t understand. Everything he’s learned about you is from Sirius and Remus. They talk about you with whispered devotion, your name like a prayer on their lips, their eyes glazed with wistfulness as though they could see you reaching out for them — but you were dead in Harry’s time. Yet, you might as well have been alive with their tales of you.

(“She’s a different kind of beautiful,” Sirius had said, a year after breaking out from Azkaban, sitting by the fire in Grimmauld Place, taking a swig of decade-old firewhiskey, “The kind of beautiful you don’t want to take your eyes off from because you’re afraid she’ll disappear from your eyes. But you won’t forget her, oh no, you’ll memorize the freckles and moles on her skin, the scars from her years, the light in her eyes, and the way she holds her head up high. You should have seen her, James, she. . . she was — is glorious.”)

“I told you,” says Harry firmly — although he loves his mother very much, she’s beginning to wear him out, “My name is Harry James Potter, I come from twenty-years in the future. You are one of my parents.” A lightbulb flashes in his head. He squirms in your hold, reaching for his robe pocket until he finds the thing he’s looking for. Harry dangles the ring in front of you, grinning in success when your eyes flash in recognition. “It’s—”

“A family heirloom,” You say breathlessly. The alexandrite winks under the light, a familiar gold band with the Latin inscription of your House words. “Where did you steal this from?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “You left it for me in my Gringotts vault. It’s my heirloom now. You have to believe me, there’s no way you can deny this.”

You take a step backwards, nibbling on your lower lip, as you stagger to your bed — Harry nearly stumbling to catch you in case you fell; adjusting to the living proof of time travel was quite difficult, he, of all people, should know. He exhales, dragging a hand down his face. “Magic, amirite?”

You throw a pillow at him, which he catches gracefully thanks to his Seeker reflexes, as you plop down in the comforts of your quilts. “Sleep. The other girls won’t be back until the end of the holiday. We can deal with whatever this is in the morning. It’s way too early for me to process the idea of a future Potter spawn following me around.”

Harry smiles. “Yes, mum.”

ONE THING THAT his fathers failed to tell him about you, and that Harry had to learn himself, was that you took ages to get ready. You sat on the chair in front of your vanity mirror, the birch wood legs whittled with snakes, and it was as though you had a Sticking Charm on the cushion. Harry didn’t know there could be so many creams, oils, and serums, and powders one put on their face. He blanches when you turn to offer him a cream for his under eyes. (“Suit yourself.” You shrug, turning to brush your cheek with dusts of pink. “Just saying, those dark circles aren’t doing you any favors.”)

“What am I like in the future?” You ask, a kind lilt to your voice, much like a warm hug, much like home.

Harry stiffens, shoving his hands in pockets of the robes that were twice his size — you had given him the garments of Lucius Malfoy to change in, which you apparently had stolen from his room. It’s come full circle, really, the Sorting Hat had once told him he would be great in Slytherin, and now here he was, looking fabulous in green — because he was about to hurl at the feel of the velvet on his skin, knowing slimy Lucius Malfoy had worn it. (“No son—” You pause with a tight purse in your lips, as if you still can’t accept the fact. Harry doesn’t blame you. “—no son of mine will be parading around in red of all colors, future or not.” And Harry finds that he really doesn’t care, so long as you call him your son.)

“Loved,” replies Harry gruffly, avoiding your eyes in the reflection of your mirror — they were piercing. One look and Harry wanted to spill all of his deepest, darkest secrets. He remembers the photographs in his album, the one he’s stared at so many times as a child. It’s a moving photograph of the five of you, fresh out of Hogwarts, each wearing a smile that stretched from ear-to-ear. Before Sirius and Remus, it was the only semblance of proof that Harry had — that you had once been alive. Remus is holding you by the waist in the picture, twirling you around as autumn leaves fell. You were — are — loved, and Harry thinks there’s no better description than that.

(“I bloody hated her cat,” says Remus with a roguish quirk to his lips, regalling Harry with more talks of his parents. “Sirius, too. We just never got along with the little creature. But your mother loved it, and we would have done anything to make her happy. She deserved it, you see. She deserved more than what I had to offer her, but still she chose me anyway. And I am a selfish man, Harry, I crave glimpses of her and the whispers of her voice. She has made me a mad man whose only reprieve is her touch.”)

You hum knowingly. “Stupid question, I guess. Since you aren’t allowed to reveal anything more about the future.” You sigh, gracefully threading your arms in the sleeves of your shirt, a green tie in the center of your collar. “Except, of course, when you gave me a heart attack in the middle of the night by telling me the last thing I want to become — no offense, I just don’t see how a relationship with those rowdy bunch would work. They get on my nerves far too much for me to ever feel anything other than disgust.”

Harry doesn’t need a mirror to see that his expression has contorted in confusion; brows knitted and upper lip crinkled. By their memories of you, you all were madly in love in Hogwarts. Damn. This just made his trip to the past a lot harder. No maze seems to be ever just a maze.

Luckily, you don’t notice him brewing a grand master plan to bring his parents together. Instead, you say, “But you don’t seem to be phased by any of this. If I had been thrown twenty years into the past, I would have puked my guts out twice at some point.”

“Thanks for the image,” says Harry with a scowl. Truthfully, it had either been a present with a noseless Dark Lord to face, trauma to unpack but really never have the chance to, or a past where all of his parents were alive, and a chance to talk with them for however long he has. He knows where he’ll be staying, thank you very much.

“Anytime,” You reply with an impish smile.

Your heels pad across the floor as you walk over to him, mouth clicking as you pat the top of his head, full of wild, untameable Potter hair. “You need a trim soon,” You mutter, frowning, as you brush the thick strands away from his eyes, then you gasp — and Harry knows exactly what’s coming next. “Oh, you’ve got Evans’s eyes. That’s freaky.”

“I know.” Harry grins.

“Here’s the plan,” You say as you lead him out of your room, making sure no one saw him walking out of your door and getting the wrong impression — because that would be so wrong on many levels, but also, explaining to someone else that the person beside you was a time-traveller was just complicated in general. The Slytherin dungeon is unfamiliarly familiar, eerily quiet, as the two of you made your way out. “Just say you’re Potter’s distant relative, twice or thrice removed, and you’ve always been here. If you lie to their faces enough, they’ll believe it eventually.”

“Will that work?” Harry doesn’t really mind — he needs a connection to James, his father, if he’s going to work out a connection between you and the others, because at the moment, it doesn’t seem like you’re too fond of them. There’s a tick on your jaw every time you mumble the word, Potter. Nevertheless, Harry decides he’s going to spend the duration of the holiday break trying to set you up with them — on the list of most insane things he’s ever done, living out the Parent Trap was high up the tally.

You shrug. “They’ve fallen for less.”

(“She’s got this adorable habit when she lies,” Sirius tells Harry, whipping up a stack of pancakes for their breakfast — Remus browsing through the morning paper. It’s the closest he’s ever been to a normal family. “It’s not obvious to her, of course, but I know her more than I know my own name. So we play along with it.” For a moment, he stops drizzling the maple syrup on the well-cooked batter, gazing at Remus fondly. “D’you remember that, Moony? She led us straight to one of her pranks, and we ended up covered in slug slime. She was so obvious — with her adorable fucking giggles. I need help with Charms, she said, and we knew right away it was a set-up. But it didn’t matter. I’d happily let her lead me to my ruin.”)

The Great Hall is the same as Harry remembers. Now that most have returned home for the holidays, those who stay back mingle with students from other Houses, sharing meals under the bewitched ceiling, their low murmurs and hushed Christmas greetings bouncing off the walls. Harry scours the four tables to find a hint of blazing red hair, or the scent of impending trouble. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to search very far. As fate would have it, James Potter finds you — and where he is, Sirius Black is sure to follow.

You’re barely seated when James comes bounding over to your table — more precisely, he struts, and Harry is horrified to ever be proven wrong by Snape, of all people. He ignores the roll of your eyes as he drags a leg over the bench, sitting to face you as Sirius occupies the space to your left before Harry can even sit down. He can’t even fathom how weird it is to see his parents as rambunctious teenagers. Lovesick, rambunctious teenagers.

“Morning, dove.” James preens under your glare, stealing a grape from your bowl with a boyish smirk. His hair looks as though he’s ran his hand through it many times. “You look ravishing today.”

“As always,” Sirius pipes in. “But that eyeshadow really isn’t complementing your skin tone, my darling.”

You smile at him, right before your lips twist into a cutthroat sneer. “Piss off, Black.”

James stifles a laugh as he shovels a mass of potatoes on your plate, then pumpkin pasties, and slides a steaming cup of Dragon Well tea in front of you.

“What the hell are you doing, Potter?” You reach over to smack his arm when he sprinkles apple slices and bacon on your breakfast.

“What does it look like?” James smiles lopsidedly. “You need to eat more, honey.”

(In the future, Sirius will tell Harry, “It started off as a joke, a way to get on her nerves — but then, it just became this thing about taking care of her, making sure she got enough sleep before her tests, wondering if she had breakfast or dinner, staying with her in the library, walking her to the Slytherin common room, and sending her stupid notes just to make her laugh. You don’t get it, Harry. I’d give my every breath to ensure her life. We all would.” Harry doesn’t see Sirius any more during that evening, but he hears a bottle crashing against a wall, cracking into a million pieces, and the masked sound of Sirius sobbing, and Harry decides to leave him alone for the night.)

Then, you tear your eyes away from James — he huffs, pushing your plate to you, mildly annoyed that you’ve deprived him of your eyes; they were his favorite part of you, you see, so expressive and full of life; James thinks you put the stars to shame — and thankfully, you remember that Harry still exists. You lightly smack Sirius’s leg until he gives Harry some room to sit. “Potter, meet other Potter. It’s the holidays, shouldn’t it be the perfect time to let go of House prejudices and spend time with family?”

James looks at Harry up and down. “You must be from dad’s side of the family with all that hair.”

Harry lets out a breath of relief. That was easy — way too easy. When he takes the vacant space in between you and Sirius, you dump all the available food on his plate, just as James had done for you.

“Eat,” You say with a tone of finality. “You look like the wind could snap you in half.”

“Yes, m—” Harry stops himself before he could finish his sentence, avoiding Sirius’s curious gaze.

“Wow.” Sirius pokes Harry in the shoulder and in the cheek. “You really look like a mini-James, you’ve even got his terrible eyesight.”

“Oi!”

Your fork clatters against the silverware as you turn to Sirius with a shrill. “Not that I do enjoy your company — because, trust me, I do not want you here at all and would very much prefer if you got out of my sight — but why are you here? The Gryffindor table is over there. Unless your housemates finally got sick of you, Potter, which I can definitely see happening.”

James chuckles, tossing another grape in his mouth without taking his eyes off you. “It’s as you said, isn’t it? It’s the time for putting aside House prejudices. And I think it’s a lovely day to enjoy a meal with my favorite snake.”

“Drop dead,” You retort, digging into your chicken with a little more force than necessary.

“Oh, dove.” James shakes his head, a teasing grin pulling at his lips. “It’s cute that you think death will keep me from you.”

(Harry’s been told before, probably by Sirius, that this line had been wedged into his wedding vows for you. “A dramatic one, James was,” Sirius chuckles to himself one morning, Harry and Hermione listening intently, “He always said he’d rather die than ever hurt her. There was this time in seventh year, they had a fight — it was ugly — and she had ignored him for a week. James cried in Remus’s arms begging him to cut his heart out, saying that he didn’t deserve to keep on breathing, not after making you cry.”)

“That is so creepy,” You say in disgust, scrunching your nose. Sirius chortles at your side. “I still wonder why Evans agreed to go out with you.”

“It’s all part of the charm, dove.” James winks. “It’s all part of the charm.”

Harry wants to barf, actually.

After breakfast, James then decides to introduce Harry to Lily, Remus, and Peter. (He’s gonna need the patience of a saint to not Avada Kedavra that rat on the spot.) Harry had spent the whole morning watching Sirius peel oranges and give them to you with a smitten look in his eyes — naturally, you gave whatever Sirius offered you to Harry, and each time Padfoot would visibly wilt. If he were in his Animagus form, Harry thinks he would be whining by now, tongue out and all. James and Sirius follow after you like lost puppies when you extricate yourself from the table.

“Where are you going?” James calls, hot on your heels as you leave the Great Hall.

“Away from you, Potter!”

And James actually sighs when you turn the corner and disappear from their peripheral vision. Seconds later, he turns to Harry with a blinding smile, “She’s definitely charmed.”

Harry chortles.

“Well, come on then!” James guffaws as he wraps an arm around Harry’s neck — this is so, so strange. They begin walking in the opposite direction of where you went. “I still can’t believe we’ve got another Potter here and in Slytherin. I think I would have remembered Minnie calling your name during the Sorting Ceremony. What year are you in?”

He’s supposed to start his sixth-year in a few weeks. “Fifth.” Technically.

“We should ask Lily,” says Sirius, hands in his pockets and ebony ringlets tickling his nape. “She’s got the best memory out of all of us.”

It’s odd, Harry thinks, meeting the person who’s got his eyes — or the other way around, as people have told him. It’s like someone carved out the emeralds of Lily Evans’s eyes and bestowed it upon Harry for safekeeping. She sits beside Remus Lupin, head resting on his shoulder, hands clasped together, as they enjoy the shade. Nex to them, oblivious to their intimate conversation, is Peter Pettigrew — with his rosy, cherub cheeks and innocent blue eyes; not at all the image of a pathological, cowardly liar. Their heads snap in attention as James boisterously cries for their name.

“Marauders — and Lily-pad — meet ickle Potter.” James lightheartedly whacks Harry on the back, to which Harry feels his lungs spill out from his mouth, he’s sure there’s an imprint of his father’s hand on his back now.

“There’s two Potters in Hogwarts?” Sea-green eyes look at him in scrutiny as Lily knits her brows. “How even is the castle still standing?”

James cackles like it’s the best joke he’s ever heard in his entire life, slapping his knee for dramatic effect. Oh, well, at least they’re buying Harry’s half-baked lie. At this point, it’s not even baked, it’s just wet, soggy, and poorly done. “Good one, Lily-pad!”

Sirius ruffles Remus’s shaggy blonde hair, canines bared in a wide grin. “This one here’s Moony, uptight prefect in the morning and absolute beast in the evening.”

Harry blanches. Surely he was talking about his furry problem, right? Right?

Remus doesn’t even flinch, just peels off Sirius’s hand from him and extends his hand out to Harry. “Please do not mind him. Remus Lupin, nice to meet you. Although, I can’t believe this is the first time we’ve met. We would have definitely remembered if we had another Potter in our midst.”

“It’s true, we Potters are just hard to forget,” says James, smiling cheekily.

Harry pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Mum didn’t take the Potter name. I’m part Dursley. Muggle.”

Lily hums, toying at the ends of her bright hair. “Dursley, huh? What a familiar name.”

“It’s a common one,” Harry assures her — not at all the names of the people who would take him in after they died. And make his life miserable.

“I suppose you’re right,” says Lily, unconvinced.

“And this is Peter.” James introduces the boy eagerly, pride in his voice — as though this isn’t the person who literally allies himself with Voldemort. As if Peter won’t betray his friends all because of fear.

“N–Nice to meet you,” Peter stammers with a nervous fidget, “Any family of James is a friend of ours.”

Harry’s eye twitches.

IT IS ALMOST COMICAL — the way their eyes land on your figure, bursting through the courtyard from the corridors, winter cloak swishing with every step, tendrils of hair swaying in the crisp wind, and head held up high, thick books under your arms. You pause in front of the Marauders, face blank, then you turn to Peter, greeting him with a: “Hello, only Gryffindor I can tolerate.”

Peter’s cheeks burn a saccharine hue of pink. Oh, no, no, no — absolutely not — Harry will not stand for a little crush Peter Pettigrew has on his mother. He needs James to act now. “Hi,” Peter replies shyly.

Lily quirks her lips. “Hello, princess, see your score for the Astronomy test yet?”

You scowl. “Zip it, Evans.”

The sound of Lily’s laughter fills the atmosphere — it’s the sort of melody that makes flowers bloom in deserts. “Had a bit of difficulty with the star charts?”

Sirius pinches your cheek — Harry thinks you’re going to murder him on the spot. “Difficulty? I think this one just slept through the whole thing.”

James snickers. “Must have been one hell of a nap, princess. You were drooling on my jumper.”

“I most certainly do not drool!” You gasp, appalled, eyes wide as you step away from Sirius.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “What? Is drooling too barbaric for the pretty, little pure-blooded princess now? Newsflash, pet, you’re just as human as we are.”

“Oh, you horrible, loathsome, infuriating—” You whip around to beat his chest with the course book in your grasp — it’s the kind of book Hermione would consider for light reading.

“Irresistibly attractive—?” Sirius supplies for you, grin widening with as he captures your wrist with his hands.

“In your dreams!” You shrill.

You exhale slowly, eyes closing, chest rising when you take a sharp inhale. You open your eyes and stare straight at Harry — for a moment he fears that you’ll bite his head off. “Harry, dear, will you accompany me to the library? I think I’ve found something important regarding your situation.”

Harry nods. “Is it time already?”

“Yes,” You say firmly. “And time is of the essence. Come on.”

“Wait!” Lily calls out to you as you turn to head back to the castle, Harry in tow — he tries to avoid the way James is glaring at your linked arms. “Hogsmeade next week?”

Your jaw falls to the ground — this must have been unrehearsed, if the others’ reactions were anything to go by; Remus had dropped his book in shock, Sirius looked like he couldn’t decide between applauding Lily’s bravery or shaking her, and James was somehow frozen in time. “Excuse me?”

“You’re excused, princess,” says Lily, dimples poking out of her cheek as she takes another step towards you. “You, me, Hogsmeade. A date. I’m sure you’ve gone on one of those before.”

Harry elbows your stomach as you stare at Lily in shock. It takes a few moments to break you out of your stupor. “A–And what makes you think I’ll just go with you?”

Lily shrugs. “I’m fit. Aren’t I, Remus?”

“The fittest,” says Remus without missing a beat.

You laugh incredulously. “Do you just expect me to go along with this? You’re mad, Evans.”

Harry glares at you. You need to go along with this.

“Are you scared, princess?” Lily’s face is inches away from yours, noses almost touching — Harry doesn’t know if he should keep watching this painful way of flirting — as she grins at you, happiness barely contained within her eyes.

To your credit, you don’t back down. (Harry has to say this for the masses: he saw your gaze flitter down to Lily’s lips for a split second.) “Stop calling me that, Evans.”

“One date, then.”

You growl in exasperation, eyes flickering to the boys behind her back — pretending not to hear their conversation. “I suppose I’ll have to deal with them as well?”

Lily beams and Harry swears sunflowers could grow in her direction. “We’re a package deal.”

“Unfortunately,” You utter — but Harry notices it, the lack of venom in your voice. You straighten your posture, nose lifted haughtily, “I choose where we’re going.”

“Done.” The sun peeks out from the cloud just as Lily smiles at you.

“And I want to—”

“Done,” Remus interjects raspily, peering up at you from underneath his lashes. “Anything you want, it’s yours.”

You fight a growing smile, but continue, “If we’re going out in public, you’re going to have to wear—”

“Done,” says James giddily, he looks as though he could kiss you in front of everyone without a care in the world.

“You can’t just agree to anything I say!” You flap your arms in frustration.

“Yes, dear,” Sirius teases.

“Do you know how much you piss me off, Black?” You squawk. “Because you are this close to—”

“You are so fucking beautiful,” Sirius confesses, every pretense shed raw from his skin, sincerity pouring from his words.

“I—” You falter, heat rushing to your cheeks. “You’ve gone mad.”

“It’s your fault, dove,” says James, eyes twinkling like crescent moons as he smiles. “You best take accountability for this.”

“You’re incorrigible — all of you,” You say as you avoid their gazes.

(But they were yours. Past, present, and future. They loved you so much that their soul was no longer their own — it was yours; yours to keep, yours to break, and yours to love. It would be unjust to ask them why they loved you. Do we ask why the sun rises each day without rest? Do we ask a daisy to stop blooming, or a tree to stop growing after it has endured storms and floods? After all, we do not ask why humans follow the light in a tunnel shrouded in darkness.)

“Come on, Harry, let’s go.” You reach for his hand, he notices immediately that the tips of your ears are pink, and your palms are warm with sweat. He barely sees Peter wave goodbye before you tug him in the direction of the castle entrance.

“Wait up!” Remus catches up to you two in quick strides, offering to carry your books for you — not that you agree, stubborn Slytherin that you are. “I’ll walk you to the library.”

“There’s no need for that, Lupin, thank you.” You dodge his eyes, lips tightly pressed together, nails slightly digging into Harry’s arm.

“Remus,” He says with a twinkle. “Call me Remus.”

“Alright.” You pause. “Remus.”

(In that moment, Remus wonders if you remember decking Lucius Malfoy in the face to defend him in your fourth year. He didn’t think he deserved to even breathe in the same air as you — the pure-blooded princess, dressed in clothing worth more than his life, adorned in jewelry he could only dream to afford, raised to believe she was better than everyone else. Then, you beat up Evan Rosier the next month in the courtyard, eyes ablaze, extravagant silk marred with grass stains and mud, and knuckles split open. You spit blood on the ground, looking at Lily then back at Rosier. “Red,” You say, kicking him one last time in the stomach, unafraid of McGonagall’s wrath growing louder and louder. “Just like everyone else. Like those Muggleborns you fear. We’ve all got dirty blood, Rosier. Suck it up.”

“I’ll tell your father about this!” Rosier bellows through bloody teeth.

“Tell him!” You grab his neck and slam your forehead against his. “Tell him that I decide my own future now!”

Remus doesn’t even have to think about it.

He falls in love.)

FUNNILY ENOUGH, IT’S LILY who gives you her heart first, before anyone else does. It’s the last month of her first year at Hogwarts — it still hasn’t quite sunk in yet that she was a witch. Her, not Petunia, but her — Lily Evans, the witch. Apparently, some people can’t believe it either. A girl from Ravenclaw calls her this foul word, she’s heard it a few times now but it always hurts the same. James and Sirius get into a fight for her honor, now faced with detention later this evening. But she can’t help but wonder, what if they were right? What if she really didn’t belong in this world? It was too good to be true, anyway. Perhaps she’ll just run a flower boutique with Petunia.

“Oi.”

The sound of your voice startles her, and she nearly topples over in the Great Lake. Lily catches sight of your Slytherin colors and resigns herself to another round of name-calling. “What do you want?”

“They’re wrong, you know,” You tell her, ignoring Lily’s question. You look down on her with your nose raised arrogantly — she wishes she could be like you. Born to be magic. “You’ve got a terrifying brain locked up in your head there, Evans. And they know it, too. They’re scared.”

Lily scoffs. “I’m just a Mudblood to them. There’s nothing to be intimidated by.”

You sneer. “Don’t say that word. You’re more than that. More than them. They’ve got long ways to go to prove they have a place in this world. But you — you’ve defied the odds and you were destined to become magic. You don’t have to prove anything. You have the right to be in the wizarding world and no one can take that away from you.”

Then, you pivot on your heels, not bothering to hear her reply. “You’re my rival now, Evans. Do keep up. We’ve got an Astronomy test tomorrow. I look forward to seeing how you do then.”

Lily just gapes. She’s certain there’s butterflies in her stomach. Her heart thumps wildly against her ribcage. Lily raises her hands to feel her blushing cheeks. There’s a light unfamiliar sensation in her stomach — like the urge to kick her legs and scream into a pillow, or more precisely, chase after you and hold your hand.

She stiffens.

Oh.

part two

#hp angst #hp fluff #hp imagine #hp x reader #james potter x reader #lily evans x reader #marauders angst #marauders fluff #marauders imagine #marauders x reader #sirius black x reader #poly!marauders x reader #poly!marauders fluff #remus lupin x reader

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whenlilyfallsinlove · 23 days

Text

jolene

james potter x reader

this is not a good fic for james.. (love him tho) and my remus bias is SHOWING. i love lily. no lily hate.

jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene i'm begging of you please don't take my man jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene please don't take him just because you can

a small part of you knew that, although you were the one dating james potter, lily evans still held a place in his heart. i mean it was sad right? someone you were in love with, someone you were dating, was in love with someone else. but for some reason you had grown accustomed to it, was this stupid of you? yes, maybe. but you didn't want to lose james, as both a boyfriend and a friend. so it felt like a logical thing.

you knew lily evans didn't like james either, not even as a friend. she hated the boy. you thought back to the gossip you had had with her, marlene and dorcas when they found out you were dating him.

"merlin y/n, james?" lily had whispered-shouted the very night she found out that you were dating him.

"hey.. he's not that bad." you chuckle.

"that's not gonna convince her, it's a well known fact lils hates james." marlene laughs.

"that's true." you respond.

"and i thought you liked remus anyway." lily teases.

"that was in like 3rd year, i've been over that ages." you feel your face heat. sure you had liked moony once, but you had liked james for a while now.

"he's better than james though, seriously you can do better y/n." lily tells you.

you giggle, but then see dorcas with a confused look on her face.

"you alright dorcas?" marlene raises an eyebrow.

"yeah i just.. i have a question." dorcas speaks up.

you nod at her to speak.

"when did james get over lily? i'm not saying he doesn't like you of course y/n, but up until the other week, he was obsessed with her." dorcas thinks aloud, in all fairness, asking the question on everyones lips.

you sigh.

"i asked him that, he told me he was trying to deflect the fact that he really liked me, and he was too nervous to flirt with me so flirted with lily instead to hide his true feelings." you mutter, now realising that james' reasoning was.. maybe not the best.

"aww thats cute y/n.." marlene sees the look on your face and tries to comfort you.

"yeah." you smile, weakly.

"and don't worry y/n, i would never go anywhere near potter. and i think he does like you and not me." lily reassures you.

noticing your discomfort, the girls changed the subject, but you couldn't nudge the feeling of doubt in your chest. now that you thought about it, james' reasoning felt a bit.. excuse like? but no, he asked you out, not lily. so he must like you?! relationships were complicating; you guessed you'd have to wait to see how things played out.

your beauty is beyond compare with flaming locks of auburn hair with ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

"hello gorgeous." james grins at you cheekily, planting a kiss on your cheek as you take a seat next to him at the gryffindor table.

"guys do we really need to be doing this at eight o'clock in the morning." sirius fake gags. you stick your tongue out at him in response, causing him to laugh.

"just cos you're lonely padfoot." james chuckles.

sirius playfully rolls his eyes at him, and you see remus looking at you from the other side of the table. you smile at him which he returns but looks away quickly, feeling like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.

james wraps an arm around your waist, and starts telling you whatever new prank him and sirius were planning on snape.

"and then we were planning to turn his hair green." he smiles at you.

"poor snape." you tease.

"what? you planning on leaving me for snivellus?" james raises an eyebrow, playfully.

"of course." you respond chuckling.

your playful banter was interrupted by lily approaching you, carrying your transfiguration book. of course, you invited her to sit with yourself and the marauders but she didn't like to be near james for long periods of time.

"y/n, you left this in our dorm this morning." she smiles at you and hands you the book.

you smile back. she looked extra pretty today, her green eyes sparkling, her auburn hair shiny. it made you feel a little self-conscious.

"thanks lils, what would i do without you?" you laugh.

"you wouldn't be able to cope, that's for sure." lily smiles at you, giving you a wave, heading back to her own seaat.

"thank godric for that, mcgonagall would've been fuming-" you turn back to james, your words faltering seeing his face.

his face was bright red and he looked distracted as he gazed off into the distance. you followed his gaze to see what was wrong with him. then you realised. james was looking at lily. and he had a stupid goofy smile on his face. what a prick! he was YOUR boyfriend.

"james, are you okay?" you snap him out of his daze.

"yeah yeah, perfectly fine love." he turns back to you, his blush fading.

then it was as if everything was back to normal. sirius, james and peter engaging back into their normal conversation. you were quieter however. remus remained quiet as well, noticing the dejected look on your face. he gave you a comforting smile across the table and you gave him a weak one in return.

at that moment, you wished nothing more to be lily evans.

your smile is like a breath of spring your voice is soft like summer rain and i cannot compete with you jolene.

"i don't want to feel like a second choice to you james! i love you." you sighed. this was yours and james's first argument. and you HATED it.

"i love you too y/n, of course you're not my second choice!" james tries to comfort you.

"i just feel like you're just settling for me because lily doesn't like you!" you admitted.

"well that's not true y/n, i told you.. i was using lily to coverup my feelings for you." james lets out a exasperated sigh.

"sometimes it doesn't feel that way james, i don't want to be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her (iykyk)" you rub your forehead with your hand.

"y/n.." james puts his arm around you. "it's you i'm dating.. not evans. don't be jealous!"

you scoff. "of course i'm jealous, she's beautiful and you were obsessed with her long before dating me."

"and i'm not anymore. just drop it y/n. i love you not her." james frowns.

you sigh and cave in.

"i don't like arguing with you james." you say, as you rest your head on his shoulder.

"i don't like arguing with you either y/n" he sighs, and pulls you closer.

you couldn't stop thinking about lily though. you were friends with her, and she would never intentionally hurt you. you knew deep down james still liked her, feelings don't go away that easy.

he talks about you in his sleep and there's nothing i can do to keep from crying when he calls your name jolene

gryffindor house were infamous for throwing the best parties. and tonight was living proof. gryffindor had just won a quidditch match against slytherin which of course meant a big celebration. and of course, your boyfriend and captain of the team james potter was the main centre of attention.

"he's nuts." you shake your head at sirius, when you see james dancing and obnoxiously singing to dancing queen by abba in the middle of the common room.

"he's bloody brilliant." sirius takes a sip of firewhiskey, chuckling.

the man in question headed towards you.

"y/n, would you care to join me." he jokingly bows down, holding his hand out for you to take.

"indeed i would." you giggle and take his hand.

he pulls you to the middle of the common room, twirling you around/ you laugh and join in singing and dancing. you could tell he was a little drunk but you didn't mind.

as the party went on, you had somehow lost contact with james. he was a social butterfly of course, probably talking to his friends. you yourself were stood with marlene, dorcas and lily, sipping your drinks, giggling at the antics of some of your housemates.

the party eventually thinned out, at about 3 in the morning, when mcgonagall told them to quiet down. eventually it was just you and as you looked towards the jukebox (which was playing jolene by dolly parton) remus carrying a half unconscious james.

you walked up to the two.

"he's drunk too much." remus chuckles.

"unsurprising, i'm sure he had already had about 4 firewhiskeys in the first hours." you smile affectionately at james.

remus notices your smile, and smiles wider.

"you don't usually come to parties, do you remus?" your question catches remus off guard.

"n-no i don't. just wanted to support my friends." he responds, knowing that was probably a good answer judging by the smile on your face.

you turn back to look at james.

"let's get you to bed ay?" you say, trying to wake him.

"l-lily?" james whispers, seemingly in his sleep.

your heart dropped. of course he was dreaming about lily.

"i'm not lily." you grit your teeth. "would you rather have her take care of you?"

remus sees your face and is quick to comfort you.

"don't worry y/n, he's drunk, he probably doesn't know any better." he says.

you nod and sit down on one of the armchairs.

how could you ever compete with lily evans?

#james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #harry potter x reader #angst #x reader #fanfic #remus lupin #sirius black #lily evans #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #remus lupin x reader #marauders #marauders x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n

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fourmoony · 1 month

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I HAVE THE BEST REQUEST AND IT'S PERFECT FOR JAMES! like imagine reader sitting at home and suddenly she gets a text from james to come outside and he's standing there🥲🥲🥲🥲 so she asks what he's doing there and he's like "i just wanted to kiss you" SORRY IF IT'S TOO SPECIFIC

thanks for requesting, sweetie!

f!reader 1.1k words cw: drunk jamie

You're half asleep when your phone pings, illuminating the darkness of your bedroom in a distracting glow and you're half asleep, content to ignore the single ping, a problem for tomorrow. But another one follows a moment later, the third only seconds after the second. With a huff, your hand reaches out to grab blindly for the device.

James' contact photo smiles at you from the corner of the notification box, his glasses askew and hair a mess. Your favourite photo of him, despite how vehemently he detests it. The messages are a jumble of words you struggle to make out, vowels in the wrong places and an amusing amount of emojis, even for James. A laugh huffs it way out of you as the three text bubbles appear once again, and a fourth message comes through. A photo of your house.

You'd be concerned, should anyone else have sent you the eerie looking photo of your house in utter darkness, but James is a love sick fool. You'd have to be blind not to know that about your boyfriend, even if things between you are still pretty new. He's not got a bad bone in his body. But it doesn't stop the way you sit up in a panic, scanning the floor of your bedroom for less embarrassing clothing. You come up empty, and your phone is incessantly buzzing in your hands now that James knows you've read his messages.

You use the glow of your phone to find your way downstairs, your house keys, make your way to the door and unlock it. James is sprawled out on the grass of your front garden, phone comically close to his face as he squints at the words he's typing. Drunk. Absolutely obliterated, clearly. You'll give Sirius shit for it, tomorrow, you think, as you let an exasperated laugh tumble from your lips.

James whips his head around at the noise, scrambles like a puppy to stand and bound his way over to you. He tramples some of the flowers planted around the borders of the grass and you fight a wince. He's on you in seconds, warmth radiating from him despite having been out in the cold for god knows how long. His arms are strong and steady, even though he reeks of beer, as he pulls you into them, lips firmly planted on the top of your head.

You try to peek over his shoulder for any sign of who dropped him off, but the street is empty, desolate, and you decide he must've walked from the pub.

Sleep still clings to the edges of your eyes as James pushes you back - uncoordinated and a little roughly, but you don't mind - and holds your face in his warm hands. "Hi, lovely girl." His voice is sweet and brimming with excitement at the sight of you and your heart swells.

"What on earth are you doing here, James?" You ask, though your words are kind and laced with amusement.

Your boyfriend only grins like the cat who got the cream, like he can't wait to tell you all about his adventure, until his eyes snag on your pyjamas. Technically, his pyjamas. His old juniors rugby top from secondary school and his boxer shorts, left abandoned by him last week when he'd slept in for breakfast with his mum and left in a hurry, a kiss placed to your cheek and the promise of being home for dinner. It had felt so domestic you'd had to talk yourself down from overflowing excitement for hours.

"Woah." James breathes, eyes wide.

You'd known he wouldn't mind you wearing his clothes, even if a little embarrassment at the idea had clung to your skin as you slipped them on before bed. But you hadn't expected him to feel like that about it.

"Easy tiger, you're three sheets to the wind." You chide softly, using the distraction to usher him into the hallway.

You close and lock the door behind him, place the keys in the bowl beside the door. James finds you in the darkness, hands soft against the fabric of his clothes on your body. You don't have to see him to know he's smiling that coy smile he gets whenever he seems to remember he has you.

"Am not." He mumbles, as if your statement has just now caught up with him.

You laugh, take his hand to lead him towards your bedroom. He follows quietly and without protest, but frowns when you flip on the overhead light and place him on the edge of your bed.

"What happened to Sirius' epic boys night on the town?" You ask, hands on his face as you crowd the in between of his legs.

His hands come to rest against the backs of your thighs, grip firm but soothing. He smiles, head lolling to the side, "Well," He sighs, as if buckling in for some wild tale of beasts slaughtered and mountains climbed, all just to get to you, "Sirius and Remus got drunk, like really, really drunk, and touchy and they were kissing and it made me realise how much I wanted to kiss you. So I left, and I came here for a quick kiss."

"A quick kiss?" You ask, eyebrow raised.

James just smiles, nodding dutifully, like it makes the most sense in the world. "Yeah, I gotta go back. They don't know I left."

You let out a long, suffering sigh, reaching for your phone beside James. "You can't just leave and not tell anyone where you're going."

"If they even realise I'm gone, they'll know where I am. With you." James shrugs.

"How do you reckon?"

"Where else would I be?" He asks, so serious and determined, so sure of himself that it makes your breath catch in your throat.

You can't help but smile, sweet and saccharine, glowing all over as you lean down to press your lips to James'.

"You're sweet."

James wrinkles his noise, grip tightening on your thighs as he pulls you down to him, falling backwards with a gentle thud. You catch yourself before your head collides with his nose and James grins, childish and playful, "You're sweet, too."

"Thanks, Jamie."

He presses his lips to yours, again, simple and warm. He knows he's in no condition for anything else, simply tucks you into his side and tries to get you to fall asleep with him, right there in the middle of the bed, on top of the blankets.

He's dead to the world in seconds, so you don't have much room for argument.

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jasmines-library · 1 month

Note

hi love! idk if you are interested or not but i had an idea of reader being friends with lilly and severus but also with the marauders untill the oh so fateful day were sev ruined his friendship with lilly and reader. i love the idea of lilly ending up in james's arms and reader in sirius's (they are my boys sorry sev🤭)

thank you and again, only if you want! have a wonderful day lovely!

Only Human

⛤⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽⛧☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⛤

Warnings: Slurs (mudblood), swearing bullying kinda, negativity but fluffy ending

Word Count: 1.7k

⛧ MARAUDERS MASTERLIST⛧

⛤⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽⛧☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⛤

Severus Snape was resting against a tree when it happened. The castle sat opposite him, just a short way across the clear water. The small ripples created by the creatures in the lake and the summer breeze often distracted him from the book that he rested between his knees and his chest as he tucked them up closely. It was this exact reason that he hadn't noticed the band of robe-clad gryffindors trudging up the slope toward him. James Potter led the group, he wore his signature charismatic grin; a smirk that twinged the corner of his lip upwards and made his nose scrunch beneath his glasses, and he had his wand held loosely in his hand. He twisted the delicate tool between his fingers as you would a drumstick. Sauntering over to Severus, he chuckled at his friends, nudging them playfully with his shoulder.

“Snape!” He jested, calling out to him.

His head snapped up, but he kept his back planted firmly against the tree as the group of marauders ran up to him. He squeezed his eyes shut, just hoping that they would turn and leave. But they were bored and Severus, who had been particularly troublesome toward them, had caught their eyes. Severus inched himself up against the tree so that he rose to his feet and began to turn back in the direction of the castle.

James frowned, a look of mock pity set on his face. “Leaving already, Snivellus?”

Snape reached for his wand, but kept his back to them. “Fuck off, Potter. I don’t want trouble.”

“Don’t you know it’s rude to turn your back to someone when they’re talking to you, Snape.” Sirius asked him.

Severus whipped around quickly, his wand poised to cast a spell at them but James beat him to it; with one flick of his hand Snape's wand went flying across the river bank. He paled, the four Marauders stepping closer to him.

“Nice one, James.” Sirius cheered.

The dark haired boy backed up slowly, setting his gaze. The four of them were edging closer, threatening him with their wands when you spotted them. You had just finished class and were heading over to the lake with Lily, arm in arm. The two of you were over there in seconds when you saw your friends threatening each other. Much to your boyfriend's dismay, you and Severus had been friends from the beginning of the first year. You met him on the train; a shy boy with long hair who didn’t quite seem certain of the world. Lily bonded with him quickly, and you followed soon after. It wasn’t long after that that you met Sirius Black. Charming, brave, daring; he was the complete opposite to Snape, but you supposed that was what drew you to him so much. It was their clash in personalities that made the two clash. It seemed as though they were always doing something to wind up the other.

This time it had gone too far. You were unsure of what Sev had done to wind up the Marauders so much, but you and Lily were skidding to a stop beside them in a heartbeat.

James caught a glimpse of Lily’s fiery hair out of the corner of his eye. “Lilyflower-”

“Leave him alone, James.” It wasn’t quite a demand, Lily never had that sort of aggressiveness in her, but her voice was firm. She didn’t want her friend to get hurt.

“Ah, Evans, Don’t make me hex you.” James sighed, a playful twinge on his tongue.

“I’m serious.” Lily repeated when James refused to lower his wand, letting it loll around between his fingers.

“No,” Sirius smirked. “I am.”

You gave him a hard stare through narrow eyes, and his smirk dropped. “Siri. Please.”

The boy nodded, nudging his friend who promptly pocketed his wand. Severus seemed taken back, his steps faltering. He glanced gratefully in your direction, though his anger and embarrassment were unmistakable in his eyes.

“You’re lucky that they were here to help you, Snape.”

“I don’t need help from filthy mudbloods.”

You had expected many things from Severus, but those words were not one of them. He spat them with venom; malice intending to bite deep. And bite deep it did.

You froze, eyes glassing over with tears. Serverus Snape had made an incredibly low blow; as a muggleborn, it was safe to say that it took some time to come to terms with your letter to Hogwarts. You were excited, of course but your parents were far from keen. Lily experienced the same thing with her sister too. Things didn’t get much better when you arrived at Hogwarts either. Some saw you as ‘impure’. Unworthy. Sev knew this and he had chosen to use it against you. Perhaps it was in a moment of spite, perhaps he hadn’t meant to say it at all. But all that mattered in that moment was that Severus Snape was just like the rest of them.

You could see Sirius glance your way out of the corner of your eye, but when he took a step toward you you backed away.

“Fuck you, Snape.” You spat back at him, trying to hide the waver in your voice.

“You should watch your mouth, Snivellus.” Lily glared at him before turning on her heel and making her way promptly back to the castle before anyone else could say a word.

You were left standing between the two groups, both slightly shell shocked, in silence.

Sirius, now full of guilt, opened his mouth to talk, but you pursued Lily before he could even form the first syllable.

The tears came flooding in quickly after that.

Sirius hadn’t seen you for the rest of the day. and that was partly because you refused to come out of the girls bathroom. He had even tried to get Moaning Myrtle to coax you out to talk to him, but still you refused to show your face as you curled up on the bathroom tile. It made his stomach churn.

His pit of guilt dug itself deeper as he sat in class. Sirius’ leg bounced restlessly during potions and there was just as much ink on the page at the start of the lesson as there was at the end. The detention he was also given didn’t help ease his thoughts. His mind wandered to the worse case scenarios. It was his fault for provoking Snape… What if you never wanted to talk to him again? He was up in an instant when the fateful day came to an end and he could return to the common room. He dragged his feet up to the portrait and muttered the words to open it. Every part of him itched to see your face mingling amongst the crowd.

At first, he didn’t see you. But he managed to make out the crown of your head resting against an armchair tucked away in the corner by the fire. His face softened when he saw the tear tracks staining your face where you had failed to wipe them away properly.

You had spent practically the last two hours crying. Everytime the flood stopped, it seemed to start up again. Severus was supposed to be your friend and he had discarded you just like that. The back of your eyes stung, glassy beads threatening to spill again. When you finally braved it enough to make it back to the common room, you couldn’t bear to go up to your room. You hardly spent any time there anyway because you spent much of it lounging around in Sirius’ bed with the other marauders…and you were angry and Sirius.

No… perhaps angry was too strong a word. Hurt. Hurt by his actions and his and James’ thoughtlessness. Being up in your room would have just reminded you of that. So instead you settled down with a book by the fire trying to distract yourself and let the world move around you.

It didn’t take Sirius very long to reach you. He crossed the common room in a few wide strides.

“Love?” Siri asked hesitantly.

You peeked up at him meekly. Your eyes were red raw and puffy, it made the boy frown. Sniffing, you wiped your eyes with the hem of your sleeve. “Oh.. hi Siri.” you mumbled, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Oh Lovey. I’m so sorry.” He melted, sliding onto the arm of the chair beside you.

“ ‘ts okay. It’s not your fault…”

Sirius scowled. You were far too kind for your own good. He knew exactly what you had been through and made him sick just thinking that you weren’t allowing anyone to take the blame for it. “But it is, Dove. I shouldn’t have provoked him. If I had stopped James and just kept my mouth shut then you wouldn’t have had to come over in the first place.”

A tear spilled from your eyes and all of a sudden you broke all over again. “He was supposed to be my friend, Pads.” You blubbered, voice wavering. “He’s just like the rest of them…”

Sirius took your hands in his, pressing a kiss to them. “You didn’t deserve any of this, my love. I am so, so sorry.”

“Maybe they’re right….” You trailed off. “Maybe I am worthless. If Sev thinks so too then-”

“Shh.” Sirius pressed another kiss to your temple as he scooped you up into his arms. Burying your face into his chest you continued to cry. He trailed his fingers over your back. “You’ve never been more wrong in your life, Lovey. You are worth so much more than that. You’re kind, brave and not to mention the most beautiful girl in the world. You’re worth everything to me. Who gives a crap what they think?”

You sniffled, unsure.

“I mean it.”

You looked up at him, wiping away your tears; a ghost of a smile on your lips.

“I love you.” Siri whispered, kissing you softly.

“I love you too.” You settled your head against his chest, shifting to curl against him.

It was there that James and Lily found you later, entwined with each other and sleeping peacefully. Safe within each other's arms.

⛤⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽⛧☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⛤

MARAUDERS TAGS:

@hearts4robs @xxrougefangxx

⛤⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽⛧☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⛤

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wingedhallows · 2 months

Text

fix it ; remus lupin

pairing: remus lupin x reader | 0.8k words plot: remus would never hurt you but he's not himself when full moon hits prompt: "fix it." "I can't." authors note: It's short and simple, hope you like it.

navigation

The lights hurt in your eyes, your head felt heavy. Voices rumbled around you, a buzz of something you couldn’t make out, no words formed in your head. You lifted your arm, desperate to shield your eyes from the unbearable light.

“Y/N!” Lily’s sweet voice sounded next to you, your body came back to itself. You felt less out of it by the minute.

“You’re awake, James, get Pomfrey.” Footsteps retreated and Madam Pomfrey was by your side in a minute. Her warm hand touched your forehead, you scrunch your nose in discomfort.

“How are you feeling, darling?” You breathed out and sat up with her help. Suddenly, there was a burning feeling on your face, your hand reaching up to make out what it was. Something had slashed the skin.

“Don’t, you’ll only get it dirty.” Pomfrey said, a cup of medicine in her hand.

You frowned and looked at your friends, their faces showed you enough. Something happened, something to your face, something so bad that they kept looking at you with those pitting looks on their faces.

“I’ll be right back.” Madam Pomfrey excused herself.

The liquid tasted bitter but you downed it with a sour look on your face.

“So, what the fuck is up with my face?” You asked. Sirius shifted his legs in discomfort and James looked away. You turned to your boyfriend, who sat in his chair, slumped.

“Remus, love-” he released his head from his hands and turned to you, his eyes widened as his orbs locked with yours. He bit his lip, an effort to not cry, you knew that much.

Madam Pomfrey returned with an object in her hands. “I’m sorry, dear.” She said before handing you a mirror, your heart plummeted in your chest, a cold feeling washed over you as you raised the mirror to look at yourself.

“Fix it, please.” Remus almost whispered, but the nurse heard him bright and clear. She shook her head with a sorry look on her face.

"I can't."

Remus jumped to his feet, a hand brushed over his tired face. “Please, I beg of you.” His lips released a shaken breath.

“I-I-I..She can’t..Just look at her. Please.” You stared at yourself, in disbelief.

There were three big slashes across your forehead all the way down to your cheek. They stung and they looked deep red but you didn’t mind half as much as Remus did- It was him, it clicked after a few moments and you put the mirror down. That’s why he was so distraught, because he had hurt you while he fought through the full moon last night.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lupin, there’s nothing I can do about scars. I’m very sorry, Miss Y/LN.”

You just nodded before she took the mirror from your hands and retreated to her desk. Your friends didn’t speak, too ashamed to look you in the eyes.

“It’s not that bad, actually.” You said. Their heads turned to you, eyes wide. “Not so bad?” Remus spoke, his hands in his lap. “Dove, I did-”I know and I knew this could happen when I came with you last night.”

You reached for his hand, he was reluctant to give it to you. His glossy eyes found yours, his thumb stroked your hand as he tried not to break into sobs. “The wolf is not you, Remus.”

He peeked at you, his lips trembled. You took a breath and spoke once again.

“You would never hurt me like this, you’re not the wolf.” His head lowered itself to your intertwined hands before he burst into tears, his body shook with each cry. Your friends had taken that as a sign and excused themselves.

“I’m so sorry-s-s-so sorry, my love..I-I- never wanted, wanted to hurt y-y-you.” He bawled as you scooted closer, your hands embraced him in a hug while he sobbed in your arms.

“I know.” You tried. He took some breaths and calmed down, his shoulders still shook and his eyes were puffy. You reached your hand to his face and wiped his tears. “You crybaby.” You gave him a small smile, which did sting and clasped his hand in yours again.

“I look rather badass now, I'd say.” His eyebrows rushed up and he huffed in displeasure. “You’re all beaten up because of me and you think that’s badass?” You nudged his shoulder and a small chuckle left you.

“I mean, you do, so that makes me badass as well.” He shook his head and gave you a small smile, his teeth not showing. “I'm a badass?” You had to laugh out loud as you nodded your head “So very badass, but you’re rather pretty, no matter the scars or not.” He leaned into your hand and a tear left his eyes. “I love you.”

You connected your lips with his as he rested his forehead against yours. “I love you too, Remus.”

#harrypotter #hp fanfic #marauders era #marauders imagine #the marauders #remus lupin #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x reader #sirius black #harry potter fanfic #harry potter angst #james potter #lily evans #peter pettigrew #remus lupin angst #marauders #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin imagine

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petitemistletoe · 11 months

Text

She-Wolf

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader, Sirius Black x Reader, Remus Lupin x Reader, Wolfstar x Reader

Warnings: smut, angst

Word Count: 4K+

A/N: She-Wolf by Shakira is such a Marauders song thank you Shakira for your contributions to society

S.O.S. she's in disguise

There's a she wolf in disguise

Coming out, coming out, coming out

“Alright James?” Remus asked as he set his books down on his bed, Sirius and Peter trailing in behind him.

“Yeah, Prongs, what the hell are you doing?” Sirius asked, flopping down on his bed and watching James throw away a cluster of chocolate frog wrappers.

“I’m cleaning after you animals.” James rolled his eyes playfully.

“Why?” Peter asked.

“My cousin is coming to visit and I got permission for her to stay here.” James held up a set of a dirty robes that had been hidden under Peter’s bed and gagged.

“Your cousin? I thought she was up in the Pyrenees at Beauxbatons.” Remus bent down to help James pick up discarded candy bean packages.

“Is she still a foul little bitch?” Peter said, flopping onto his bed and scowling.

“Whoa Wormy! Didn’t know you even knew that word!” Sirius laughed.

“Don’t tell me you’re still upset with her for your little quidditch incident when we were seven.” James laughed.

“She hit me with her broomstick and broke my nose.” Peter sulked.

“That was years ago, Peter. Beauxbatons has a holiday for some French event and I got Dumbledore’s permission to stay. I need everyone to be on their best behavior because she’s going to meet Evans for the first time.”

“I will not be nice to her.” Peter crossed his arms.

“Yes, you will.” James’ words were clipped. Sirius was going to fire off some other ugly compliment when there was a knock at the dorm door.

“Professor Dumbledore,” James took a step back from the door.

“Hello gentlemen. James, your cousin’s chariot has landed by the black lake. She’s in the great hall now, waiting for you.” Dumbledore smiled. James, Remus, and Sirius bounded down the stairs while Peter sulked upstairs.

Remus was absolutely knocked back when he saw you. Sure, you were absolutely gorgeous but there was something about you, something he couldn’t quite name that had him enraptured by you.

You were seated at the Gryffindor table in the great hall, talking to Mary. You hand was light on Mary’s arm, your head thrown back in laughter at something Mary had said.

“Potter! You didn’t tell me your cousin was so hilarious.” Mary grinned as the boys sat down next to you.

“It’s so good to see you, James.” You gave your cousin a tight hug before looking at the two boys seated next to him. “I imagine you must be Sirius and Remus. James never shuts up about you.”

A domesticated girl that's all you ask of me

Darling, it is no joke, this is lycanthropy

The moon's awake now, with eyes wide open

My body's craving, so feed the hungry

“Guilty as charged.” Sirius winked.

“Where’s Peter?” You asked.

“He’s still cross with you about the broomstick.” James rolled his eyes.

“Oh my God that was like ten years ago.” You laughed and rolled your own eyes.

“So how long will you be staying with us?” Sirius asked.

“The whole weekend!”

“That long?” James looked alarmed. He had told the boys that you were only staying for the night.

“Is that alright?” You cocked your head.

“Of course, of course. Moony, Pads, can I talk to you for a second?” James stood from the table and gestured for the boys to follow until they were out of earshot of the table.

“So she’s staying for a week?” Sirius glared at James.

“I didn’t know! What are we going to do?” James moaned.

I've been devoting myself to you Monday to Monday and Friday to Friday

Not getting enough retribution or decent incentives to keep me at it

I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office, ah

So I'm gonna go somewhere cosy to get me a lover and tell you about it

“Do about what?” Peter asked, joining the group.

“James’ cousin is staying for the entire weekend.” Remus sighed.

“What about the moon on Saturday?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, that’s the problem Pete.” Sirius rubbed his temples

“I knew there was nothing good that could happen with that girl around.” Peter shook his head and made his way back over to the table.

“Alright Peter?” You grinned up at the boy.

“Potter.” He glared down at you.

“Don’t tell me your still upset about the broom!”

“It’s all he’s talked about for the past two weeks.” Mary said with an eyeroll. “You’re coming to the Three Broomsticks tonight, right?”

“Am I?” You looked up at James.

“Yeah! We’ll do dinner here and then drinks at the pub and you can meet Lily. I think you’ll love her.” James smiled.

There's a she wolf in the closet

Open up and set it free

There's a she wolf in your closet

Let it out so it can breathe

“Excellent! When’s dinner I’m starving?” You asked.

“About an hour. I think James and I are going to do a quick spin on the pitch if you’d like to join. I’m sure Wormy would love it.” Sirius grinned at the thought of you being around Peter again with a broom.

“I appreciate the offer but I actually was wondering if you could point me in the direction of Madame Pomfrey’s office.”

“What do you need to see Madame Pomfrey for?” James was immediately concerned, his hand going to your forehead to check your temperature.

“I’m fine,” you laughed, “I’ve been wanting to explore the world of healing after I graduate and I hear that Poppy Pomfrey is one of the best medi-witches in the UK.” You explained.

“I can walk you down,” Remus said, getting up and extending his hand to help you up.

“See you all at dinner!” You waved to the group and walked down to the hospital wing with Remus.

Remus left you in the hospital wing and made his way back up to the dorms, expecting to find it completely empty. He was surprised to see Sirius lounging on Remus’ bed, playing with a snitch.

Sitting across a bar, staring right at her prey

It's going well so far, she's gonna get her way

Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent

The moon's my teacher, and I'm her student

“What are you doing up here?” Remus asked, sitting down hard on the bed and sighing. His body was sore, the way it always was in the days leading up to the moon.

“Peter threw another hissy fit so James is calming him down. I didn’t want to hear him moan anymore so I thought I’d come here and hear you moan.” Sirius smirked, grabbing Remus by the back of the neck and kissing him hard. Remus chuckled and reciprocated, his teeth clashing against Sirius’ as he pulled off his shirt. Remus could feel Sirius growing hard beneath him and he chuckled,

“You’re so needy for me.” Remus grinned. Sirius moaned into Remus’ open mouth and whispered,

“You’re always so hot near the moon.” Sirius flipped Remus over so Sirius was on top and started to kiss down Remus’ jaw, then his chest, then down his stomach towards his cock. Sirius took Remus into his mouth and relaxed his mouth, trying to take in as much of Remus as he could. Remus knotted his fingers in Sirius’ dark hair and moaned,

“Fuck yeah, Black. God that feels so good.”

Sirius moaned around Remus’ cock, taking out his own cock and jerking it as he sucked Remus off. Remus knew the moon heightened his emotions and impulses but he felt like his skin was on fire. It felt like every nerve ending was exposed and as he came he released a strangled,

“Oh Potter.”

Sirius jerked his head back, his mouth still full of Remus’ cum and quirked an eyebrow at him. Sirius swallowed harshly and said,

“You just killed my hard-on.”

To locate the single man I got on me a special radar

And the fire department hot line in case I get in trouble later

Not looking for cute little divos or rich city guys I just want to enjoy

By having a very good time and behave very bad in the arms of a boy

“I-” Remus was bright red and trying to make sense of what had just happened.

“You don’t have a crush on James, do you?” Sirius joked.

“No, no, not James…”

“It’s his cousin! I knew it! You’ve been acting weird ever since she got here.” Sirius was a little annoyed now, “I thought you were gay, you big liar.”

“I am! I don’t know what it is about her…something I can’t quite explain. Hopefully it’s all just related the moon.” Remus shook his head.

“Maybe you should fuck her,” Sirius shrugged.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah. Get it out of your system. We could have a little threesome!” Sirius laughed.

“With James’ cousin? He would murder us in cold blood.” Remus shook his head.

You were making your way back up from the hospital wing when a girl started walking in stride with you.

“Can I help you?” You asked her. James had warned you extensively of steering clear of the Slytherins and this girl wasn’t wearing her house tie so you were a bit concerned.

“Sorry! I’m Lily, James’ girlfriend. You’re his cousin, aren’t you?” She stopped and stretched out her hand.

“Oh hi! How did you know I was James’ cousin?” You asked, shaking her hand and resuming your walk.

“He’s talked about you for two weeks straight, I think I could’ve drawn you from memory. Also your powder blue Beauxbatons uniform makes you stick out like a sore thumb.” Lily giggled.

“Oh,” you released a laugh yourself, “I guess you’re right.” You fiddled with the sleeve of your uniform as you walked with Lily to the great hall.

There's a she wolf in the closet

Open up and set it free

There's a she wolf in your closet

Let it out so it can breathe

It was far more alive than it had been just an hour ago when you had arrived. The four large tables were packed, each one was practically overflowing with students who were talking loudly and over each other. You expected a clear divide between each house, after James’ comments about Slytherin but it seemed like there was a fair amount of intermingling. The Slytherins generally kept to themselves but other than that you saw people of all tie colors sitting together, chatting, eating, joking around. You saw Mary sitting in the lap of a boy with a yellow tie at a table that was not Gryffindor’s. You couldn’t help but stare at the Slytherin table as you walked towards the Gryffindor table. There was a boy at the table that was staring daggers at you. He had impossibly pale skin, a large hooked nose, and long dark hair that seemed overdue for a wash. He was seated next to a boy who bore a striking resemblance to Sirius and you seemed to remember your Aunt Effie mentioning something about taking in Sirius after a fall-out with his family. He was a Black, if you remembered correctly, and even though tensions about blood status were not as high in France as they were in the UK, you were well aware of the Black legacy. Perhaps this boy was Sirius’ brother. Regardless, he wasn’t the one staring at you-that was the greasy haired boy.

Lily had something to you that you hadn’t processed and she followed your gaze to the boy. To your surprise, her face split into a grin and she waved at the boy who only blushed red and dropped his head.

“That’s Severus. He’s…an old friend of mine. James doesn’t like that we’re friends. I’m sure he’s told you all about how awful and foul the Slytherins are.” Lily’s voice and an edge to it.

“He has,” you nodded, “but James has always been very passionate about what he believes in.”

“That’s an understatement,” Lily nodded as you sat. You two were the first of the group to sit at the table and you relished the few moments of quiet where you could talk with Lily uninterrupted.

“I’m not going to say anything bad about James,” you said, diplomatically, “but I have no business in writing people off before I can make my own sound judgement about them.”

“Oh,” Lily seemed to have been released of an intense weight on her shoulders, “I’m so glad to hear that. It’s rich coming from James, too, considering that Remus-” Lily’s eyes went wide and she immediately sucked in a deep breath.

“Remus has all those scars, right? Must make him a target for bullies.” You supplied.

“Yes, yes exactly.” Lily said gratefully. Before she could say anything else, Sirius and Remus waltzed into the hall, followed closely by James and Peter.

“Look at that! My two best girls are already acquainted!” James shoved his way between you and Lily and wrapped his arms around you both.

“Oh God,” you gagged, wiggling out of James’ grasp and covering your nose with your hand.

“James you smell disgusting!” Lily also scooted away from James and gave him a playfully disgusted look.

“I was on the pitch!” James said with mock shock, “Don’t act like you don’t love it Evans!” He practically tackled Lily, peppering with kisses as she pretended to retch.

“Are they always that lovey-dovey?” You asked Sirius, who sitting across from you.

“Unbearably so.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“So how was your talk with Madame Pomfrey?” Remus asked. It seemed like every time you turned your head Remus was staring at you with his deep, inquisitive eyes.

“Great! She shared a lot of great resources about healing.” You nodded and took a bite of your food. The blonde girl at the table, Marlene, whipped her head around.

“Are you interesting in healing?” She asked excitedly.

“Uh, yes. I was thinking about pursuing it after I graduate.” You replied cautiously.

“So will I! I’d love to pick your brain about it.” Marlene had a wide grin on her face.

“Absolutely,” you said with mock confidence, “another time though. I’m here to spend time with my cousin, if he can bear detaching himself from his girlfriend for a moment.”

The table came alive with that, everyone laughing and hollering as James and Lily broke apart both red faced and sheepish. James was informing you of the evening’s itinerary when you felt a foot trace its way up your leg. Not too far up or anything, but it was definitely there and it definitely belonged to one Sirius Black. He was looking at you with a smirk as his fingers danced around the rim of his goblet. It took an active effort for you to tear yourself away from his gaze and pay attention to what James was saying.

“Hold on a second,” you held your hand up and looked at James in astonishment, “you want to hit the pitch tomorrow at seven in the morning after getting pissed tonight? Are you insane?”

“I’m giving you an extra hour of sleep!” James was wearing a face of true astonishment at your protests.

“Didn’t you know that James Potter has never ever been hungover in his life.” Peter said with a head shake.

“He’s absolutely insufferable after a night of drinking.” Sirius chuckled. His foot was still tracing up and down your leg.

“Oh I bet he is.” You chuckled but your eyes never left Sirius’.

“Where will you be sleeping?” Marlene asked. It seemed like dinner was finally coming to a close and you are were all just sipping at your goblets.

“The boys’ dorm. I think Dumbledore was kind enough to set up an extra cot but we always used to sleep in the same bed when were little.” James pinched your cheek.

“If you’re going to be insane about Quidditch tomorrow though I’m not sure I want to share a bed with you.” You chuckled.

“You could always take Moony’s bed, he spends most his nights in Sirius’ bed anyway.” Peter shrugged. Someone breathed in sharply and everyone’s heads shot towards Peter like he’d said something out of turn. James’ gaze was stony, which was odd, you hadn’t known that your cousin had had a mean bone in his body. But here he was, glaring down his oldest friend.

“You’re together?” You asked, looking between Remus and Sirius.

“Yes,” Sirius said. James looked like he was ready to launch into a speech but you only shrugged and said,

“You make a cute couple.”

There was a collective sigh as it seemed that the group was able to drop their guard again. You wondering how many people knew about Sirius and Remus’ relationship. You also found Sirius’ game of footsy all the more confusing.

You had been a bit suspicious of the Gryffindors when you heard that James wasn’t prone to hangovers. You had assumed that the Gryffindors probably all passed around a bottle of spiked butterbeer and went to sleep a little warm and giggly. You were not expecting the rounds of shots, the drinking games, the chugging contests, the Weed. You were drunk out of your mind. Sirius was playing footsy with you again, being less subtle this time about the way he stared and ogled you. But everyone else was drunk too. Remus was staring, that was nothing new, but you figured maybe he was mad at you for capturing the attention of his boyfriend. But you could’ve sworn you had Remus’ attention first.

“I’m gonna get another round.” Remus slurred, standing on shaky legs and walking over the bar.

“I’ll go help,” Sirius followed Remus, slapping his ass hard as he made his way to the bar with his boyfriend.

“Cheers Moony!” James laughed. His glasses were lopsided on his head and his jaw was covered in red lipstick kiss marks. Lily was perched comfortably on his lap and was resting her head in the crook of his neck. Marlene, Mary, and Peter had tapped out and returned about an hour before with their respective partners, no doubt trying to find unoccupied areas of the castle for a liquor-fueled hookup.

“James I gotta question for you,” you giggled, knocking over an empty bottle of firewhiskey.

“Anything for you, love,” James sent a wide grin your way.

“Why do’ya call Remus Moony?”

“It’s actually a very interesting story,” James took his glasses off and pointed them your way but Lily slapped her hand over James’ mouth.

“I think you’ve had much too much to drink, James.” She said with a panicked laugh. Remus and Sirius returned with the tray of shots and you turned to the boys,

“Remus, why does everyone call you Moony?” You asked him directly.

“Just a nickname.” Sirius was casual, relaxed. An odd change from Lily.

“Mooooony.” You crooned the entire way back to the dorms. “I like that. It has good mouth feel, you know.” You giggled at the sound of your own voice. James was brushing his teeth now, Lily had returned to her dorm and you were laying in James’ bed, just a blink away from falling asleep.

S.O.S. she's in disguise

There's a she wolf in disguise

Coming out, coming out, coming out

“I quite like when you say my name,” Remus said, quickly and smoothly in your ear. His voice sent shivers down your spine. And then, you would tell yourself in the morning that you imagined it because you were so drunk, but you could have sworn that Remus licked up the side of your neck.

When you woke up the next morning, your brain was pulsating inside your skull. You heard someone retching in the bathroom and you turned and found the bed empty. You tried to remember if James had even returned the night before or if you had left him in the pub when he sauntered back in, sweaty from a few rounds at the pitch.

“There’s no way you aren’t hungover.” You groaned, turning over onto your stomach and wrapping your pillow over your ears.

“Why don’t we get some breakfast? You’ll feel better.” James teased gently, trying to pull the covers off you.

“Shut the fuck up James!” Remus snapped from behind his curtain.

“Alright Moony, don’t yell just because it’s your time of the month. I have a bad enough headache as it is.” Peter was rubbing his temples as he exited the bathroom. He must’ve been the one vomiting earlier.

“Time of the month?” You asked.

“Breakfast time!” James said suddenly, clapping his hands around your head.

“Go away!” You groaned again, burying your head in your pillow until you were able to fall asleep again. When you woke up it was just you and Remus in the dorm. You dressed quietly as Remus explained that you two had slept through breakfast but you would be able to make lunch. Sirius and Peter had left just a few minutes before and James had already showered and finished an essay and was now waiting for you downstairs. You two made your way together down to the great hall where you wrapped your hands around a cup of coffee and nibbled at a piece of dry toast. Remus had loaded up his plate with a variety of lunch foods and you were staring at him in astonishment. Other than Remus, James was the only one with a normal appetite.

“How are you not hungover?” You were flabbergasted, shaking your head at James.

“You inherited Aunt Camille’s Veela status, I got her ability to avoid hangovers.” James shrugged.

“So! I was thinking that you could spend the night in the girls’ dorm tonight. We’ll have a little sleepover.” Lily said with a grin.

“Oh I’d love that but I actually want to spend more time with Jamesie here.” You smiled. Lily shot James a panicked expression that you weren’t able to fully understand. Remus leaned over and looked at the boys, sharing a knowing look that meant they all needed to talk. Luckily for the boys, you and Marlene were going to head to the library which meant the boys had free reign over the dorm for the foreseeable future.

“Maybe it’s not a good idea for you all to come with me to the shack. We can’t risk your cousin finding anything out.” Remus sighed.

“No! Moony we’ll figure it out, don’t worry. We can give her a strong sleeping draught tonight and sneak out after.” James reassured Remus.

Remus was even more on edge than usual. Having you nearby and the approaching moon had his skin on fire and he just wanted to get the moon over and done with. Luckily for everyone, you had decided that your hangover was still plaguing you so you decided to spend the night in the hospital wing.

S.O.S. she's in disguise

There's a she wolf in disguise

Coming out, coming out, coming out

The moon had been incredible. More than that. Remus had never felt so amazing and free. He was surprised, however, that he wasn’t back in the shack when he came to. He was shaking when he saw Sirius, James, and Peter staring over him concern written all over their faces.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked.

“There was another wolf. You couldn’t keep away from each other. We have no idea where she came from.” Sirius was wringing his hands. They helped Remus up and were starting to head back to the shack when they saw someone stumble out of the woods and collapse at the edge of the clearing.

“That must be the other wolf.” James said. The boys all ran, with Sirius supporting Remus still, over to the collapsed figure.

“Oh my God.” Peter gasped.

“There’s a she-wolf in disguise.” Sirius looked up at James, who could only stare down at your unconscious body below them.

There's a she wolf in your closet

Let it out so it can breathe

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #sirius black #Sirius black x reader #remus lupin x sirius black #wolfstar #remus lupin smut #Sirius black smut #remus lupin x reader smut #remus lupin angst #Sirius black x reader smut #sirius black angst #James potter #Peter pettigrew #lily evans #marauders #marauders era

2K notes · View notes

mangomonk · 8 months

Text

i've been dreaming

↳ summary: read this drabble and pt. 1 first! remus deals with the repercussions of falling in love too late. ↳ content: angst, happy ending, mentions of eating/sleeping properly ↳ a/n: get comfy, this is a long one! i really appreciated and loved each comment from pt. 1, it made my day to see y'all scream heartbreak. would love to hear your thoughts on this one : D anyways, i went back and forth on my characterization of remus a million times, but i hope this version of him resonates and i hope you enjoy :") tense/grammar is all over the place, minimal proofreading but i've stared at this for too long. p.s. i'm kinda proud af about connecting the titles, they're from ivy by frank ocean.

Remus has been dreaming. Every time she had looked at him, he had felt like he was dreaming.

There wasn't a moment in particular that Remus could name when he realized he wanted her to look at him. He was in the middle of it before he even knew he had begun, though maybe a part of him had known it would have been futile to resist when she looked at him like that.

Or maybe it had been an accumulation of moments of Remus longing for her to look at him.

Maybe it had been when they had started their fourth study date together when Remus had decided he needed to act like a normal person and have strict boundaries instead of casting sidelong glances at her over the top of his book. He couldn't help but look at her as he tried to figure out why in the world a girl like her would ever agree to date him in the first place — he had only really asked so that he could be rejected and put the whole thing behind him.

But it wasn't his fault that the more glances he stole at her, the more he noticed the way her expression changed with each new story she read. It wasn't his fault that her lips parted when she was concentrating too hard on Ancient Runes. It wasn't his fault that her lips were the same color as his mother's tulips. But she never noticed when — or how — he looked at her, to his mingled relief and disappointment. It wasn't his fault at all, he reasoned — anyone would notice these things if they just looked at her properly. It baffled him a little how no one else seemed to have noticed this things about her yet.

It had been that day that Remus had decided he needed to start acting normal. He needed to learn how to control his eyes before he bore holes through her face. So he had focused on reviewing his Magical Theory textbook. Even though he had been rereading the same line for over five minutes. Even though he was so painfully aware that if he moved his leg out just slightly, his knees would knock against hers. Even though he could begin to feel her glancing up at him from across the table. When had he become so attuned to her gaze?

But he hadn't looked up, frustratingly going against every fiber in his body, because he needed to be normal and have boundaries and this was temporary. Even if she was looking at him like that. Remus Lupin, with his ever so strong willpower, hadn't looked up to meet her not-so-secret secret glances and had scribbled a note on his scrap of parchment and slid it over.

Hogsmeade this weekend?

Or maybe it had been when they had gone to Hogsmeade, the first time they had done anything together outside of studying. Asking her to go was a stroke of madness, but Remus had reasoned it to be a healthy show of their relationship, no matter how temporary it was supposed to be. It wouldn't make sense if they were dating and only ever studied together, right?

Right.

He had thought about sending an owl to cancel, even as he tried on Sirius's shirt for the second time — the night before, he had come to the sobering realization that all his clothes were plain. He had thought about telling her that he caught a cold, even as he let James slather Euphemia's silkifying potions through his hair. He had still been thinking about canceling even as his feet took him to the entrance gate—

—and she had been wearing a skirt.

It had been one of those long and flowy Muggle skirts — Remus had never before paid attention to women's fashion, but after that moment, he realized that maybe he ought to subscribe to one of Lily's Witch Weekly magazines so that he could get her more skirts, or rather, more of anything, he thought she'd look pretty in anything. Had he said pretty out loud?

Remus Lupin didn't have butterflies in his stomach, he had damn hummingbirds.

"Hi," he had said, a little too tersely and sharply.

"Hi," she had said back, all smiles. Despairingly, he had noticed that she was wearing lipstick. When he stared at her a little dumbly and didn't say anything back, her smile turned nervous as she fidgeted with the collar of her blouse. Impulsively, his eyes darted to follow the motion. "So... Hogsmeade?"

He wasn't going to tell her she looked pretty because he had laid out his boundaries. And if he started, he would never stop— "You look preautiful," he had blurted, stricken.

Her eyes had widened a fraction before she broke into a laugh. A proper laugh, not the quiet, library huff type of laughs he had grown fond of hearing. The warmth in his chest had spread all over and it had felt like it got to his head as a fog, rendering him unable to think. Remus had no idea what to do with the new, dizzying knowledge that she looked absurdly stunning when she was laughing, but all he could think about during their walk to Hogsmeade was how he might make her laugh again.

Or maybe it had been the first time he had properly introduced her to the Marauders. She had stepped closer to him instinctively — perhaps nervously, because Sirius was staring at her too appraisingly with narrowed eyes — when the back of her knuckles had brushed against his. Remus had nearly jumped out of his skin. Sirius's gaze had darted to him swiftly, his gray eyes knowingly bright with interest.

"Pleased to meet you," Sirius had said a moment later, his face breaking into a warm smile, but Remus wasn't paying attention anymore. He was just trying to figure out how he might hook his pinky with hers.

All this to say that there hadn't been one particular moment Remus Lupin could have pinpointed that had sealed his fate of wanting to be under her gaze.

The first time she looked at him, it was the start of nothing and when she looked away that night, it was the end of everything.

Remus wished she yelled at him. Hell, he even wished she had called him a monster, cursed him, hexed him. Remus thought that he would have been happier if she looked at him with contempt and disgust in her eyes, which only weeks ago had been his greatest fear when he considered telling her about his lycanthropy. The thought back then had kept him up at night, but Remus found himself dreaming for it now. Anything if it meant that he didn't hurt her the way he had. He found himself dreaming that she would just look at him again.

If Remus thought he had been panicked that night, it was nothing compared to the next day when he realized she was avoiding him. She hadn't shown up to the Great Hall — Remus knew this because he got there the moment the doors opened to make sure to catch her — and she didn't show up to any of their classes for the remainder of the day. The Marauder's Map showed that she was unmoving in her dormitory. When Remus finally did catch sight of her the next day in the Great Hall, he burst to his feet but froze a moment later. She walked past him, her expression one of unfamiliar blankness.

"Y/N!" He called, lurching forward towards her.

When she turned away from him to avoid meeting his gaze, Remus felt something like dismay sink so heavily and swiftly in his chest, like a stone thrown into a calm lake. The idea that Y/N wouldn’t look at him again drove him half-mad with a panicked disquietude that sent him scrambling to find a way to talk to her again.

He tried in the Great Hall, but she stopped coming. She would arrive just late enough that class would start and would disappear the moment class ended. She stopped going to the library. Even with the Marauder's Map, he had no luck. The closer he tried to get to her, the further she stayed away.

Remus thought he was dreaming when he saw her alone in the corridor one Hogsmeade weekend when he couldn't bring himself to leave.

"Y/N," he said instinctively, hopefully. She looked up, her surprised expression immediately shuttering close. "Can we talk? Just for a moment?" He asked, stepping towards her. When she didn't move away, he straightened, encouraged.

“I know,” Remus began, his throat bobbing as he swallowed back the jolt of despair when he realized that she still wasn't looking at him. The despair only grew into a gnawing worry when he noticed the way shadows lined her eyes, the planes of her face hollower. Was she taking care of herself? "I know you don't want to see me anymore, cariad, but—"

"You don't get to call me that anymore."

He sucked in a breath, steeling himself before continuing. "Okay," he whispered, "Okay. I know. And I'm sorry, Y/N. I've never been more sorry in my life. And I won't ever ask you to forgive me. But, but I'm selfish because I want you to know that it was real for me."

She looked like she was folding in on herself as she clutched her forearms. "It wasn't real. You don't actually like me, Rem— Lupin," she said evenly, her tone neither cold nor warm. "It could have been anyone else."

"No, I do, I do," Remus lurched forward, desperate and earnest and wishing. "I like you, and maybe it wasn't real in the beginning, but it's real now. Like isn't even a strong enough word for how I feel about you, Y/N. I lo—"

"Don't." At the harsh steeliness of her tone, Remus froze, stricken, his heart dropping to his feet. "Don't say it."

"But it's true," he whispered entreatingly, imploring her to look at him again. "It's been true for awhile now."

"I don't believe you."

Each word hit him in the chest like a sharp pang, the stricken feeling in his chest clenching around his heart. "Okay," Remus swallowed back the crumpling sense of despair as he nodded earnestly. "That's okay," he whispered, as if not to spook a wild animal. "I... I'll show you." He had so much he wanted to say, so much that he wanted to show her. If he had been honest since the beginning, he wouldn't have hurt her. But maybe if he was honest now, it wasn't too late — he could still fix things. "You have my heart, Y/N," he continued softly, "—and you can break it, if you want, if you'll give me another chance—"

"I don't need it," she said quietly, looking away from him again. "Nor do I want it."

— — — — —

Remus stopped dreaming as he stopped sleeping.

"You should get some sleep tonight, mate," James said as he edged near his friend. "Full moon coming up."

Remus grunted in his response as he continued writing at his desk.

"Prongs is right," Sirius agreed, exchanging a quick look with the others. "She'll come around soon, anyone with eyes can see how you look at her. And how she looks at you."

"Why don't you talk to her again?" James suggested gently as he sat on the edge of Remus's bed.

"She doesn't want to," Remus said quietly, a blot of ink pooling at the end of his quill as he tried not to think about their last conversation.

"Why not write her a letter then?" Sirius asked. "Look, Moony, we're worried about you..."

A letter, Remus thought dimly as he stared down at the parchment in front of him.

Cariad, he began before setting his quill down to stare at the word. The first time he had called her cariad had been a slip of tongue. When he was younger, before his father had burnt himself out trying to find a cure to his lycanthropy, his father used to call his mother cariad. It was like a gentle period at the end of each sentence, an endearment that said everything all at once.

It had slipped into the end of his sentence one morning when he had asked her if she wanted orange juice or apple juice. Maybe it was too early to confess love, but it had slipped out, subtle and quiet like their time together.

"What's that?" She had asked, her attention now caught. "Car-iad," she said slowly, as she tried pronouncing the word carefully. Remus had thought he could have kissed her then.

"It's Welsh," he had said, keeping his tone light and casual as he reached for her cup.

But she had been as attentive as ever, her eyes seeing right through him as they tracked across his face carefully. It didn't help that he could feel his ears begin to burn. Despite himself though, Remus delighted being under her attention, and had relished it even as she narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "For?"

Remus had schooled his expression carefully. "For 'Y/N can never pick between orange juice and apple juice,'" he had deadpanned, inwardly delighting in the way her lips twitched as she huffed, unconvinced.

"Today is an orange juice day," she had declared finally. Remus had bit back a smile as he poured her juice. When she took it, she had smiled at him around the rim of the cup. "Thank you, cariad."

Remus had thought that he was dreaming.

Remus picked up his quill again and got a fresh sheet of parchment. Dove, he began again before promptly crossing it out. A new piece of parchment. Y/N, he started again. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. He missed saying her name. When the squeeze in his chest got too tight to ignore, he set his quill down and rested his forehead against his desk and closed his eyes. He had hurt her so terribly, the person he loved. And Remus resented himself for it. He didn't have the right to call her cariad or dove or darling or anything anymore. He didn't have the right to wallow in pity. He didn't have the right to try to fix things when she so clearly didn't want him anymore.

"Remus Lupin," a voice snapped sharply as the door to the dormitory flew open with a boom. "How could you—"

“Lily!” James blurted in clear alarm. "Lily, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here because you lot have really gone too far this time," Lily seethed, her eyes as fiery as her hair as she stalked into the room. "Remus, I thought you were better than this! Y/N hasn't—"

"Lily!" James jumped to his feet in a rare show of courage against the witch. He let out a nervous laugh, but to his credit, stood firm even as Lily rounded on him. “You’re making him feel worse!”

For a moment, Lily turned on James, an incredulous expression on her face before her gaze slid over to Remus, who still hadn’t looked up during the exchange. She faltered, her scowl softening as her gaze darted back to James who gave her an encouraging nod. But then the fiery-haired girl straightened. “He should feel bad,” she admonished, though the venom had begun to dissipate from her voice.

“And he does,” Sirius supplied helpfully from his corner of the room. “Moony hasn’t really, er, moved or spoken in days, really. We’re all getting concerned.”

"Well neither has Y/N," Lily grumbled, though her tone was beginning to soften rapidly.

This caught his attention. Remus lifted his head to look at her. "Has she been taking care of herself?"

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, a crease forming between her brow as she looked at him assessingly. "Have you been taking care of yourself?"

Remus didn't say anything to this as he turned to rummage through his desk. "Will you make sure she eats and sleeps properly?" He said before finding the stack of parchment he had been looking for.

"It took me nearly an hour to get her to understand that I wasn't a part of the mess you had created," Lily said, though not harshly. Remus ignored the look of pity in her eyes as he busied himself with cobbling together a few more sheets of parchment. "I think you should be the one making sure she's alright."

At this, he paused to look down at the parchment. “She doesn’t want to be in the same room as me, let alone speak with me,” Remus pointed out, his voice unsteady. In a quieter voice, he added, “She can’t even stand looking at me.”

The room fell silent. Then finally, Lily spoke up again. "Fine. I'll check up on her but not for you, but because I'm her friend. And if you ever considered her at least a friend, you ought to do it too sometime and have a proper conversation with her."

Remus bit the inside of his cheek as he turned to proffer the stack of parchment to Lily. "Can you also give these notes to her? It's for Ancient Runes. I charmed the handwriting so she won't know it's from me, but—"

"Remus," Lily sighed, but took the notes anyways as she looked down at his desk curiously before sitting down on the edge of his bed. A pause. Remus could feel her eyes seeing right through him. "Were you ever going to tell her?"

Remus tried not to look like he was unraveling. "I don't know," he admitted honestly. "I wanted to and I didn't want to all at once all the time."

He had thought about telling her before. But to do so meant that he would have to tell her about his condition, and that had sent him into a stricken spiral every time he had thought about it. He had thought that if he told her, she would look at him differently, with pity or repulsion in her eyes. He had been so afraid, so, terrified, of that look that every time the truth nearly bubbled out of his throat, he'd choke on it. But now Remus knew that the worse thing wasn't that she would look at him like he was a monster. It was that she wouldn't look at him at all.

It had always felt like he was running on stolen time, but each grain of sand in their hourglass had felt so startling incandescent that it had been easy to pretend that they weren't trapped in a fragile glass of his own making.

Every moment he had thought to tell her, she would turn and look at him with such fond adoration that Remus would swallow the words back in. She always made for such an arresting sight that Remus felt his breath still as affection would bloom so violently, so dizzingly, so distractingly, in his chest that it became hard to say anything at all.

He was distracted by the way little crinkles would form on her nose when she was thinking too hard. He was distracted by the way he could hear her smile in her words. He was distracted by the way she breathed and walked and loved, slow and steady, to a silent metronome.

And the honest truth was that Remus was more than happy to be distracted by her.

— — — — —

When Remus woke up from a dreamless sleep the morning after the full moon, he found himself, predictably, in a bed in the Infirmary. It must have only been dawn — he could tell the room was still dim behind his eyelids as he did his mental check of his limbs. No new scars please, he thought wryly once he confirmed all his limbs were in place, albeit sore and strained. Remus sighed. Then came the more dreaded question.

"Did anyone get hurt?" He asked, his voice hoarse from his transformation.

He expected one of the boys to respond, but when no response came, his eyes flew open in a panic. They normally stayed the night in the Infirmary to get their checkup from Madam Pomfrey — Remus knew they were just there to keep him company, though they always deflected when he tried to usher them back to the dorms — and they were normally the first to assure him that no one had gotten hurt. Alarmed, Remus sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed hastily to look around, his joints groaning in protest.

"Are you hurt?" A voice next to him asked.

He was dreaming again.

Y/N was sitting in a chair next to his bed, alarm quickly breaking through the remnants of the sleepiness that clung onto her eyes as she scanned him hastily as if to ensure he was still in one piece. There was an imprint of his blanket on her cheek. Remus's fingers twitched to rub it when she spoke up again. "Should I call Madam Pomfrey?"

So it wasn't a dream.

At the sobering realization, Remus shook his head hastily. "No, I, uh, I'm fine," he said, the words faltering on his lips. Suddenly he felt very seen. He had never wanted her to see him after a transformation, especially not then, when he was all fresh scars and worn bones. He felt like a shell of himself. "What are you doing here?" He asked quietly, fixing his gaze on his hands and noticing a new scar across the back of his hand, still red and shallow. He couldn't quite look at her now as shame and mortification flooded his system.

For the first time in his life, he wished she wasn't looking at him.

"You guys normally come back earlier on full moons," she said, still looking at him. "I was worried that..." She fell silent. So she had even known their schedule, he despaired.

"I see," Remus said tightly, feeling drained.

When he didn't say anything else, she spoke up again tentatively. "Sirius told me to tell you that no one got hurt—"

Chagrin and shame roiled in his stomach as he stared at the new scar on his hand. "You can go back now," he interrupted, grasping the blanket tightly. He wished she wasn't looking at him, he wished that he didn't have a new scar, he wished that the floor would just open up and swallow him whole.

He wished this was all just a bad dream.

"I'll go if you want me to go," she said quietly. Remus couldn't tell what expression she was making because he couldn't bare to look at her. Pity, fear, disgust. He was sure he'd never recover if she was looking at him like that— "But I... I don't want to go."

His gaze darted from his hands to her face. She was biting on the inside of her cheek, her eyes wide and imploring and distracting. Slowly, it became easy to breathe again. The imprint of the blanket was fading from her cheek. Remus still wanted to rub it off.

"Okay," he acquiesced, the word coming out as a soft breath. She relaxed back into the chair. "I never wanted you to see me like this," he murmured quietly, feeling all too cracked open under her gaze.

"Remus," she began, also whispering as if not to break the fragile peace between them. His heart stuttered dangerously at the sound of his name from her lips, but he shouldered forward, adamant to not let himself start dreaming again.

"Have you... been well?" Remus asked, first as a deflection before he took in the shadows on her face. It was like once he started, he couldn't stop. "Have you been eating properly and sleeping enough—"

"Remus," she said again, this time more urgently and softly. "I got your letters."

Remus paused, his dry throat clicking as he swallowed. "So you knew the notes were from me," he murmured, rubbing at the base of his neck. "Sorry, I thought they would help, but I'll stop if you're uncomfortable—"

"No, I mean, I got your letters," she said, reaching into her book bag.

To his horror, she pulled out a stack of parchment. Some of them had were heavily creased from being balled up, but someone had carefully straightened them and piled them up. "You weren't supposed to see those," he blurted, mortified now. "I threw those away."

"I know," she said, her gaze fixed on the letters. They weren't really letters at all — he had never been able to get past how to address her. He could catch glimpses of his chicken scratch handwriting. Y/N. Dove. My sweet girl. Cariad. My love. Cariad. Cariad. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. "Lily gave them to me. She also gave me this—" Carefully, Y/N pulled another familiar piece of parchment from her bag. This one was filled and messy with different colored inks across time.

Remus's mouth went dry. He didn't need to look at it to know what it was because he had it memorized.

Ketchup and pepper with eggs (prefers sunny-side up)

Three younger brothers

Likes mum's knitted sweater the most -> owl mum how she did it??

No favorite color, but it's probably green and yellow??

Needs a midday nap most days

Likes long skirts (or is it because I complimented it?)

Y/N is Sisyphus and the question of orange juice or apple juice is the rock

Peonies

Chocolate frogs (non-jumping)

Always needs hair ties -> ask Lily if Hogsmeade has any

Tea = 3 sugars, lots of milk (prefers juice though)

Give notes for Ancient Runes

Find out if there are hair tying charms

Jane Austen

Christmas ideas: skirts, cat, necklace, journal, hair ties

"You weren't supposed to see that," he said again dumbly.

"I know," she said again. A pause. "I believe you."

Remus's head snapped up to see that she was looking at him. He was dreaming again. He shook himself out of it. "No, you don't have to," he said hastily.

"No, Remus, I believe you that it was real," she said, her words choppy as she wrung her hands together. He wanted to reach out and cover her hand with his but instead he sat perfectly still. "But I— But I was so hurt by you," she whispered.

"I'm so sorry," he said with every fiber of his being. "I was afraid and selfish and I hurt you and there's no forgiving that."

"But Remus," she said, looking up at him finally. "I've missed you. I miss you so much and I don't know what to do—" Her voice cracked. Remus felt like something in him cracked open again.

"Oh, cariad," he breathed. "Can I—" He faltered, but miraculously, she picked up on what he meant. Wordlessly, she surged into his arms and for the first time in weeks, he felt like he could breathe again. "I'm so sorry, my sweet girl," he murmured into her hair as he breathed in her familiar scent. "If... if you'll have me again, can we start over?"

"Only if it's for real this time," she mumbled into his shoulder with a dry huff of a laugh as she clutched him back. God, he missed her laugh.

He pressed a kiss against her temple, the first of many. "It's real. Very real."

Remus prayed he wasn't dreaming anymore.

— — — — —

a/n: thanks for reading :^) would love to hear thoughts! my masterlist here

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postnuclearel · 1 month

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LILY EVANS IS A COMPLEX CHARACTER!!!

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evergone · 10 months

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The Agreement

James Potter x Reader

Warnings: 18+, sex, alcohol, smoking

Description: James and the reader lay out the rules to be FwB, but the reader has already broken one.

It was James who had come up with the idea to make the agreement. You’d only accepted and helped to draft the terms. I mean, of course you had, it was James, how could you say no to him? Plus, you were a little more than tipsy and the fumes that you had been second-hand smoking from Sirius’ cigarette wasn’t assisting in keeping you soberly grounded. That being said, you probably still would have agreed to the terms if you were sober.

That was problem everyone found with James. All he had to do was give you his signature look — the one that spoke more than words could convey, the one that held out a metaphorical hand and beckoned you towards adventure, the one that wouldn’t allow itself to be ignored — and suddenly, you were saying yes to his every whim. His friends were the most common victims of that look, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were always whisked away into trouble with him, but you were one of those victims, too.

At first, James hadn’t wanted to go to the party with the rest of the group. He was nervous about being amongst such a large group of muggles while drunk, knowing his own tendency to show off with that wand of his. But when he saw you twirling on the street from the upstairs window of Lily’s home he reconsidered.

“Surely you’re coming, James!” You called from the ground, your hand a shield covering your eyes and hair from the cool afternoon wind.

“I’m too immature for it, Y/n,” he shook his head, “It’s best if I stay.”

“Oh, shut up and get on down here!”

He laughed heartily and disappeared into the house only to return at the front door. You squealed in delight and pulled him into a hug, dragging him into the large group that had gathered outside. Lily’s sister, Petunia, had reluctantly decided to allow you all to go to the party that only she was invited to, and stood off to the left with her hands in her jacket pockets and her arms glued to her sides.

“Can we go now?” Petunia more demanded than asked, “We’re already a half hour late.”

When, finally, you arrived at the party, you were into the alcohol in moments. Sirius had run off to mingle with muggles about the music, asking every person he could find for recommendations and such, and Marlene had joined him, interested in muggle culture. From afar, you felt that they sounded like tourists from another country, you even heard some people asking where they were from. Mary, Lily and Dorcas were doing shots with some muggle boys, while Peter was demolishing Remus at beer pong.

In the joy of it all, of the fraternising with these unfamiliar people, you had lost James. Everyone was wearing such similar outfits that you couldn’t find his hideous denim jacket in the crowd, so you slipped out the back door and searched as you stood cluelessly by the edge of the pool.

“Lost, are you?” James’ deep voice sounded from behind you, spooking you into spinning around to look at him.

“I was looking for you,” you informed him, “Wanted to talk to someone I knew, but the others are all busy.”

“Well, here I am, doey,” he smiled, gesturing to himself.

“Don’t call me that, you fool,” you rolled your eyes and he chuckled.

He led you away from the crowd and onto the roof of the unknown host’s house where you continued to chat softly, watching the stars twinkle in the great expanse like the tuffs of a dandelion clock stuck to black paint on canvas. You had no clue where he kept pulling drinks from, but for the rest of the night your hand was never without the comforting hug of a beer.

The lot of you had stumbled home together with laughter that echoed through the streets. Somehow, Sirius had gotten his filthy hands on that cigarette I mentioned earlier, and was treating it like his only lifeline, desperately trying to get every breath out of it that he could. Your arm was slung over James’ shoulders as you whispered flirtatious secrets to him:

“You smell absolutely fantastic.”

“You fancy the scent of Peter’s vomit?”

And, in return, his hand graced your hip. His fingers too close to be friendly like they were supposed to be, his heart too close, as well. He stared at you with his beautiful brown eyes that shone a brilliant gold in the light of the street lamps and the shine of the waning gibbous moon.

Back at Lily’s in the dead of night, James claimed one of the spare bedrooms all to himself, arguing that he deserved it after Peter spewed his guts up all over him. At first, you had shuffled into Lily’s bedroom to change into your shorts and a Fleetwood Mac shirt that you found stuffed into the bottom of your suitcase. As you slipped into bed next to Marlene, you were drawn out into the hallway in which you caught James making the exact same movement.

You waved at him. He waved back. Both of you exchanged quiet greetings before he nodded backwards towards the room he was in and bit his lip.

“It’s cold in there,” he said, “All alone…”

You shrugged, “And what do you expect me to do about that?”

“I could think of a few ideas,” he teased and you shook your head.

“We shouldn’t,” you said, altogether unconvinced by your own words, “This is Lily’s house.”

It wasn’t like there had ever been something between James and yourself before. You were always just friends, that’s how it was and how it would always continue to be. That’s why you made the agreement — but not until after you had warmed him up and kept him warm until morning.

Once you awoke, he helped you tie your hair back into a ponytail and smiled at the work of art his mouth had made on your back. You, on the other hand, were appalled by the sight of it in the mirror and unleashed a full-blown pillow attack on him, giggling goofily. The two of you showered together in the en suite, his large, calloused hands drew the soap along the curves of your body expertly. You dried his hair slowly and gently as you pressed your breasts onto his bare back.

“If we do this again, we need to make an agreement,” he told you, his head resting between your naked thighs on the bed, “A—A set of rules of some kind.”

You didn’t want an ‘agreement’ but the effects of alcohol still lingered in your mind, so you said yes and let him lay out the framework. You added your two cents every now and again.

“Never while high on anything other than weed,” he said.

“Never in the same room as someone else,” you said.

“We have to tell each other if we do it with someone else.”

“Or if we go on a date with someone else.”

“And most importantly,” James begun, “Absolutely no falling in love, alright doey?”

Your lips pursed. Oh. Oh. Oh, fuck. You were screwed, you couldn’t possibly agree to that term. By Merlin, you were already in love with him! How could you not be? He was everything you could want in a man: stunning good looks, intelligent mind, charming personality. He was perfect and you were in love with him.

“Absolutely.”

After a couple months of suffering through a friends-with-benefits situation with James, the agreement was coming back to bite you in the arse. Your friends could see it in every movement you made around him. Remus had caught you crying in the common room more times than he could count, and Lily couldn’t bare to hear another story about you giving him a blow job just so he wouldn’t end the agreement that was plaguing your every waking hour. It wasn’t his fault, you had to remind them, you just weren’t able to confront him with the truth about your feelings yet.

“I’ll tell him, I promise,” you told them.

“When, Y/n?” Lily asked skeptically.

“Eventually!” You whined, “When I’m ready!”

“And when will that be?” Remus raised his brows at you.

You groaned and fell back into the maroon couch in the common room in front of the empty fireplace. They were so pushy. They were the worst. You would get there at some point, they just needed to give you a little more time. You needed a little more time.

When James entered the common room that afternoon, he had nodded up the stairs towards his dorm at the sight of Remus, Sirius, and Peter all sitting around. It was one of the very few moments that none of them were up there, and you had to capitalise on those moments as best you could. You stood up obediently like a puppy and ignored the judgemental glances from your friends as you followed him up the stairs.

As he shrugged off his robes, he turned to you, “This might be our last go at it.”

“What do you mean?” You asked him curiously and stripped off your pants.

“I have a date,” he responded.

Oh. Well, that was one way for you to get out of admitting your feelings for him. Probably the worst way, but a way nonetheless. Perhaps, your heart would be broken, but at least James would never know that you had broken the agreement before it had even been agreed upon.

“Jamie,” you started, “I don’t think you should go on a date.”

He turned to you, head tilted to the side, one eyebrow perked in a mixture of confusion and curiosity. You couldn’t help yourself, it seemed. You couldn’t let him leave you behind.

“I broke the agreement ages ago,” you admitted and he frowned, “From the start, I was in love with you and I’m sorry for lying but I just thought that—”

“I knew it.”

“Huh?”

“I overheard you talking to Lily about it.” His gaze softened as he grinned at you, “You should have told me, I would have asked you out instead of making the agreement, I thought that was my only option.”

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sunnami · 3 months

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❝time will tell.❞

[credits to the original artist of the photo!! can't seem to find their @ anywhere. title is taken from jane austen's persuasion, as was the first part.]

summary. ❝you are loved. and harry thinks there is no better description that that.❞

pairing/s. poly!mauraders x reader. (james potter x reader, sirius black x reader, lily evans x reader, and remus lupin x reader.)

word count. 9.5k.

tags. reader is referred to mum, with she/her pronouns[!], canon-typical violence [!], canon-typical deaths mentioned[!], very brief marauders as soldiers of the order[!], creepy old men being creepy[!], child abuse[!], pureblood arranged marriages, a minor character expresses wanting to die[!], Depressed and Traumatized Slytherins, the capital is important[!], themes of misogyny [!], teen boys fuck around and find out there are consequences to their actions, THERE IS ACTUALLY A LOT OF FLUFF, I PROMISE YOU, angst, children lose their baby teeth up until the age of twelve!! google said so!! not proofread we die like dobby the free elf

note. damn, i cried, you cried, we all crode. tbh, the first part was only intended as a oneshot, sdfkhdf, but when i re-read it, i thought that i could have expanded on more details,, so now here we are!! i love it more than the first part ueueue. thank you all so so so much for the kind comments :((( please please enjoy the second part to this installment!! part one

HARRY JAMES POTTER was only a few months old when you died at the hands of Voldemort — or as strangers have told him every time they ravaged his personal space and ogled at his scar. They said it was a quick death, better than what had happened to Alice and Frank Longbottom. But that was all they’ve ever said about your death. Unfortunate; caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, entirely different from the pedestal James and Lily have been put on by the wizarding society.

At first, Harry had wondered if it was due to your blood relations, being the daughter of a renowned Death-Eater, heiress to the fortune of a pureblood House. Harry can’t even count the amount of conspiracy theories he’s read or heard to his face that it must have been you who betrayed James and Lily, and not Sirius Black.

Even Hermione’s shared to him a theory that your death was faked to surrender your loyalty completely to Voldemort — of course, Hermione was eleven at the time, head full of books and her favorite theories, and Harry’s already forgiven her. But there’s a part of him that despises the way he’s never known the full truth about his parents, just bits of information dangled in front of him like bait for people [read: the Dursleys] to get him to do what they want, to act like the way they want. Until Remus and Sirius, you were a stranger to him, really.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

IT IS RATHER UNFORTUNATE that Madam Pince has already taken her position as the unbearable librarian at this point in time. The woman gives Harry and you a pointed look as you slam the large book onto one of the tables — to Harry’s surprise, you glare right back at her. You’re awfully flushed, however, blushing cheeks betraying the fire in your eyes; it must have been from when Remus escorted the two of you to the library; he had tried to brush your hand with his pinky, to which you had responded with a startled hiss — Remus only smiled and chuckled at you, and Harry swears he’d like to forget that entire interaction because he saw literal stars in Remus’s eyes.

Jumping back in time and potentially causing chaos? Fun.

Meeting your parents? Definitely fun, in the strangest of ways.

But watching them pine and fall for each other? Not so fun.

Nonetheless, he hesitantly takes the seat across yours and watches you flip through the pages until you land on a chapter with the large, bold letters: THE CURIOUS CASE OF ELOISE MINTUMBLE — Time-Travel and Its Many Dangers. He meets your gaze with a sheepish grin, mustering a look of innocence; except the puppy dog eyes only worked when he was nine — you are not amused.

You slide the book towards him, scarily resembling Molly Weasley when she’s miffed with the twins. “You are aware, right, that just by existing here you’ve changed the future? Your future? And, that’s not even the worst thing that could happen.”

Harry sulks. “Yes, mum.” He prefers not to think about it, actually, it makes his head hurt.

“Don’t call me that in public!” You whisper heatedly, looking over your shoulder to check if anyone had heard him — to your luck, the library was empty, save for a Hufflepuff that was passed out on top of his books. “The less people that know about this, the better. It’s bad enough we told Potter about you. Do you even know what you’re going to do?”

“Considering I was thrown here against my will, no.” Harry shrugs. “And to be honest, I was just going to obliviate the people who asked too many questions.”

You reach over to smack his head, scowling.

“Ow! That hurt!” Harry rubs the sore spot as he grumbles petulantly. “This is technically child abuse, did you know that?”

You roll your eyes. “Do you at least have a plan to get home?”

“Of course I do,” Harry retorts with a scoff, “Her name is Hermione Granger.”

“Hopeless.” You groan exasperatedly. “Absolutely hopeless.”

Harry only grins in response. For a brief moment, he forgets about the present — his reality where the skies are bleak and home is where he knows the feeling of loss more than the warmth of his own parents’ embrace. He lets himself forget, and pretends he isn’t the Boy Who Lived. Just some random boy who’s pestering his mother — even if she likes to deny the inevitability of being romanced by the Marauders, (except for Wormtail because Harry would eat troll slime before he ever lets that happen.)

“Right then,” You say after your tangent — which Harry tuned out when he hears the words, be responsible. “If I’m going to help you get back home—”

Harry’s heart drops to his stomach; as selfishly as it sounds, he didn’t want to go home just yet — not to where people just took and took from him. He’s exhausted. Still, he puts up a front of being excited to be returned to his timeline. It’s for the greater good, of course, because his existence — present or past — is always somehow a threat to the wizarding society.

“—you need to answer this one question for me.” Your voice drops lower as you stare at him intently, lips pressed firmly.

Harry nods slowly. “As long as it’s within reason, yeah.”

You inhale sharply. “Do I outlive Dolores Umbridge?”

The wince escapes Harry before he can even stop it.

That’s all the answer you need, apparently. Your mouth hangs open in disbelief, eyes nearly bulging out of your head as you slam your hands down onto the table surface, shrieking.

“That slimy bitch!”

Needless to say, the two of you are kicked out of the library.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1970; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

YOU ARE ELEVEN when your father introduces you to Ferguson, commonly known as Fergus, Bulstrode. He smiles at you with a leer, eyes hungrily dipping to the neckline of your dress. You grit your teeth as you hold out your hand for him to take — you almost shudder at the feel of his lips on your cheek. You eagerly take a step back away from him, hoping your father won’t notice the way you shy from Ferguson’s touch. You’re not dull, you fully understand the implications of this introduction and the way Ferguson is complaining to you about his third wife’s passing — as if you were the solution to his loneliness. Bile rises to your throat, and you shove it down with a forced laugh at your father’s jokes about Mudbloods. From across the room, Allegra Greengrass stares at you in sympathy, and you send her a glare — you do not need anyone’s pity.

The corset your mother laced on too tight is suffocating you; this whole Yule extravaganza made for elitist purebloods is suffocating you; and yet, you smile and greet every red-lipped witch your mother introduces you to. For hours, you pretend, and you pretend. By the time the guests have left, you wonder if you have any more of yourself to give.

You manage to convince your mother to let you slip away for the night. Without missing a beat, you rush outside and into the garden labyrinth, lest old Ferguson snatches you up for a dance and let his gaze wander elsewhere. For the first time since the sun had set, your aching feet finally find some relief. You drop onto the edge of the stone fountain as you toss your heels to the side. You begin working your fingers through your hair, ripping the glittery ribbons from your head. It’s not until you’re unclasping your necklace that you realize you are crying. Tears fall from your eyes, and they sink deep into the fabric of your dress.

You barely hold back your sobs. Your chest heaves as you hiccup; your vision goes blurry as your fingers grow numb. There’s nothing you can do but cry.

You’ve used up all your smiles for tonight.

But then, the sadness turns into resentment and then turns into indignation. Harshly, you wipe the tears from your eyes as you rip a violent scream from your throat.

You sink to the ground, perfectly polished nails digging into the soil as you gather patches of grass and tear them from the roots. You throw a handful of mud at the marble statues. You grab another fistful of mud, scream, then bash your head against the garden floor. You let out another cry, whimpering as you curl into yourself; shivering as a gust of wind brushes against your skin. Surprisingly enough, this is the most human you’ve ever felt. This is the most you have ever felt — period.

When hiccups regress into soft sniffles, you lay on your back, watching the stars float above. As the last of your tears slide down your cheek, you lift a shaky hand to trace the constellation in the sky. It’s not a familiar one to you, but then—

“That’s Sirius.”

You sit upright in a snap, wiping away the wetness from your eyes as you muster a mean glare at the newcomer.

Sirius Black.

“Oh, none of that,” He tells you when you move to stand. There’s barely any emotion on his face and it irks you that you can’t figure out what he’s planning. What you don’t expect is for him to sit beside you, thereby ruining his expensively tailored suit.

“You’ll get creases,” You scold him instinctively, nose scrunched — but your voice is hoarse; too tired to put up any pretences. “Your mother will be cross with you.”

Sirius scoffs, laying his head on the dirt, making sure to smear his sleeves with grass stains. “Walburga can go fall in a ditch and die for all I care.”

You gasp. “That’s horrible!”

Sirius gives you a look. “You don’t believe that.”

You really don’t, but you don’t have the courage to admit it either.

After a few moments of silence, Sirius asks, raising a brow, “So who was that?”

“Who was who?” You stare at him with knitted brows, toying with your fingers. You still can’t wrap your head around how weird this is — sitting with Sirius Black in the middle of your mother’s hedge maze, your once bright blue dress now sullied at the ruffles, eyes bloodshot and your hair a frizzy mess. (Sirius thinks you look cute, though; especially with your missing front tooth that peeks out every time you talk to him.)

“Bald guy, older than Merlin himself.” Sirius makes a face. “Looks like a troll. Smells like one, too.”

A giggle flutters past your lips, and your hands fly to your mouth. You really shouldn’t be bad-mouthing your guests, but Sirius was right — Ferguson really did act like an ugly troll. You sigh, letting your arms fall to your side. “My betrothed.”

Sirius nods in understanding. “My mother tried to set me up with my own cousin once.”

You grimace. “Which cousin?”

He sits on his knees to face you, and with a very solemn face, he says, “Bellatrix.”

This time, you laugh freely, throwing your head back as Sirius pouts at your amusement. “O-Oh, that’s golden.”

“No, it’s not,” says Sirius, lips twitching as he watches you snort like a pig through your giggles. “It’s horrible. A literal nightmare. You should feel awful for me.” He pokes your stomach, and it just makes you laugh harder, eyes disappearing into your smile. “Oi. I said feel awful, not take the piss out of me.”

“S-Sorry.” You wheeze, batting away his hand pulling at your cheek. “I just can’t imagine Bellatrix in a white wedding dress and saying her vows to you.”

“That’s disgusting.” Sirius gags. “You’re horrible, I hope you know that.”

When you finally calm down and Sirius tickles your bare feet until you cry in surrender, the two of you lay on the grass as he points out each constellation to you. Later, he fishes a small box of sugar mice from his pocket and offers it to you, opening one for himself. “Here’s to shitty parents and the one day we get to decide our own future.”

You bump your squeaky candy mice against his. “Cheers, Black.”

“Will you go to Hogwarts next year?” He asks you once he’s bitten off the tail of his mice.

You nod.

Sirius shifts on his side, holding his pinky out to you. “We’ll be friends when school starts?”

Again, you nod, wrapping your pinky around his. “Friends.”

The next September comes, Sirius finds a compartment and one James Potter in it. You sit with Allegra Greengrass and Endora Lestrange on the way to Hogwarts. You are sorted into Slytherin, and Sirius finds freedom and a home in Gryffindor. You play the role created just for you; you lift your nose at those beneath you, adorn yourself in custom-made silk clothing, and carry yourself with the etiquette of a pure-blooded lady. Perfect grades, perfect hair, perfect clothes, always picture perfect.

You pretend that Allegra doesn’t throw up in the evenings from the fear of getting married to a man twice her age. You pretend that you don’t notice Endora sleep-walking and begging for her mother to save her from her father. You pretend that under your blankets, in the Slytherin dungeon, you are safe.

You pretend that it doesn’t hurt when Sirius looks at you in disappointment when you shove a Hufflepuff student to the ground for getting a higher score than you in Charms.

They call you an ice-princess behind your back, and you overhear some of the fifth-years calling you foul words as well, and no one steps in to stop them; there’s no defending a Slytherin, after all. But you are keeping your head above treacherous waters, and you suppose that is all that matters.)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“SO ACCORDING TO THIS, Eloise was stuck in 1402 for five days until she was retrieved to the present, which means we only have four days left to figure out a way for you to get back home.”

Harry sinks into his chair, arms crossed over his chest. The two of you had found an empty classroom to discuss your plans away from inquisitive ears. “What’s the rush?” It’s unfair, he’d only just met you, and now he’s losing time with you.

You sigh. “Harry, Eloise Mintumble spent five days in the past and when she came back, her body aged five centuries, and she died in St. Mungos. It’s not just about altering the whole timeline, you could actually die.”

When you are met only with silence, you close the book, frowning. “Harry? What’s wrong?”

Harry swallows the lump in his throat, looking out the window to avoid your gaze. “What do you know about the Mirror of Erised?”

Your head tilts in confusion. “That it shows our heart’s deepest desire.”

“Yeah,” says Harry, nodding. “I was eleven when I found it.”

“Oh, Harry. . .”

It’s almost pathetic how quickly his eyes water. “Did you know, before today, I hadn’t known at all what your voice sounded like?”

You stay quiet, and Harry sucks in a shaky breath.

“When I looked into the mirror, I saw my parents—all of you. There I was, in the middle. You were behind me—happy.” Harry swipes a tear from his eye. “I wanted to stay in that room, stare at that mirror forever.”

“It’s—”

“Dangerous, I know.” He laughs bitterly. “Just like finally being able to meet you all here.”

“Harry, you aren’t supposed to be here in the first place,” You say quietly, eyes drooping sadly.

“I know that!” He exclaims desperately. “But is it so selfish to just want some time? I don’t want an illusion, I want the real thing. A real family. Why can’t I have that? Bloody Malfoy gets everything he wants, and what do I have?”

“Your friends,” You tell him firmly. “Your friends who must be worried sick that you’re gone and must be going great lengths to bring you back.”

“I know.” Harry wilts. He’s got Remus at home, too, who probably needs him more than ever after Sirius’s death. “I know. But can’t I just have this one thing?”

You purse your lips for a moment, brows furrowed in thought. Then, you break the silence with: “Do you want to hear a story?”

“What?” Harry croaks, peering at you through wet lashes.

Shrugging, you say, “Stories to remember us by. I’ve got six years worth of stories and then some. I know it’s not much, and you’ve probably heard some of these already from the others in the future, but it’s better than nothing, right?” You lean against the back of your chair, glancing at the wall clock before grinning at Harry. “We’ve got time to spare, anyway.”

Harry manages a smile, setting down his glasses before rubbing his stinging eyes with the handkerchief you offer him. He figures this is what Remus means when you’re the gentlest creature he’s ever known — just not gentle in what the world expects you to be.

“What do you say, Harry? I give you tidbits of the past, and you tell me if you know anything about the next Triwizard champion, so I can place my bets in advance.”

Harry snickers. “Not a chance, mum.”

“Worth a try.” And the smile you give him is nearly blinding.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1977; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND what it is about Gryffindors and their hobby of invading others’ personal space.

A year into dating and James likes to shove his head under your shirt, claiming he loves the sound of your heartbeat — but you know really what he wants to nestle his head in between. The amount of cashmere blouses he’s ruined is absurd! Sirius has a hobby of tracing runes on the plane of your stomach. Lily prefers it when you sit in front of her, just within reach where she can wrap her arms around you and rest her head on your shoulder. Remus tends to lag behind the group when he notices you walking slower due to your leg flaring up. He kisses the side of your head and promises to chase the pain away — sappy poetic that he is. And in the moments where all five of you are together, tucked under a wide alcove, you can best believe there is no escaping what they like to call, a cuddle pile. Limbs are tangled, kisses are shared, and confessions of love are whispered.

Before them, you hadn’t really known the different ways to love and be loved.

Onto the pressing matters at hand, you discover that the brazen show of affection extends to their parents as well. Particularly, the Potters. After a year, you finally caved into James’s requests for you to spend the holidays at their manor, since the others have already made a space for themselves there, and James had said it would be an honor for you to feel at home with his parents, too. Honestly, you spoil them too much — one look into his bright, wide eyes and you gave in. James didn’t even care that you brought two luggages for clothes alone; he lifted each bag with delight and with ease.

(Remus had the audacity to laugh when he caught you and Sirius staring at James’s flexed muscles, mouth wide open.

“As I have said, Remus Lupin, I do not drool!”

“Sure, dove, whatever you say.”)

But now, you really aren’t so sure of your decision.

“Oh, she’s beautiful, Jamie!” Euphemia encases you in a bear hug the moment you step inside the manor. You’re engulfed in the scent of cinnamon and burnt sugar. You stiffen as she cradles your face in between her palms, smiling ever so fondly at you, cooing about how precious you look, much like a mother would — and how your mother never did. You wonder if this is what you’ve been missing all along — the thought stabs you right in the heart. “Please excuse the mess, dear, we haven’t had the chance to clean up yet, Monty and I are excited to try the recipe Lily owled to us the other day, you see.”

“I-It’s okay,” You rasp, struggling to hold back the tears.

“Oh, what a darling you are!” Euphemia smiles and ushers you further inside. “Come, come. The others are right upstairs. You must be tired from the train ride. It is so lovely to finally meet you. Make yourself at home, dear heart — James Fleamont Potter! Give your mama a kiss this instant! Don’t think introducing your girlfriend will distract me from the fact you didn’t owl me letters for two months straight!”

James whines as he hides behind you. “Mum, I’m seventeen, stop embarrassing me.”

Euphemia scoffs, hands snapping to her hips. “You’re going to be my baby boy forever, now come here.”

With a shy smile, you step away to surrender James to his mother — you don’t understand which part of this is embarrassing; you wish for a mum who’d welcome you home like that, with unconditional love and kind eyes. James squawks and calls you a traitor, just before his mum attacks him with loud, exaggerated kisses to his cheek, leaving lipstick stains all over his face. You hide a laugh behind your palm, ignoring the way your heart pangs at the sight of their unrestrained smiles. Euphemia lets her son go after a few more seconds, cackling at the masterpiece she’s created on a grumbling James, who’s rubbing his skin to erase his mother’s affections. She hugs you once more before setting you off, telling you to meet Fleamont after you’ve unpacked.

Just as you reach the foot of the stairs, you hear a girlish squeal, then the sound of rapid footfall against each wooden step. Lily greets the two of you by jumping off the last step and wrapping each arm around yours and James’s neck. “Welcome home, Jamie!” She captures his lips with her own before doing the same to you, cupping your cheek lovingly, “So happy you made it, princess! How was the ride here?”

You were never a fan of traveling by Floo; it made you nauseous after, and left you with a pounding headache for hours. Without hesitation, the others offered to accompany you on the train, but you insisted they Floo ahead to Godric’s Hollow — it took a lot of convincing, but they finally agreed, (they’re not the only ones spoiled; they couldn’t refuse you, too.) With the exception of James, who wanted to be there when you saw his home for the first time. You nearly cried when you saw how well-loved their manor was; rose shrubs dipped in snow, Sirius’s motorcycle parked outside, a mailbox with poorly painted shapes, the fences covered in Christmas lights, and the amount of shoes by the door. From outside, you could hear the laughter and warm conversations.

“It was fine,” You say in a daze.

Lily sees right through you — and frowns sadly. “You alright?”

Were you?

You catch sight of the moving photographs of James and you finally reach your breaking point. There’s a swell in your throat that you can’t seem to push down. There’s a photo of James, Lily, Remus and Sirius; James is in his Quidditch jersey, raising the Golden Snitch high up in the air, Remus is twirling Lily, his arms around her waist, and Sirius is holding up a charmed banner that says: Gryffindor Rules! Slytherin Sucks! Except For My Darling Angel Love Of My Life Most Beautiful And Gorgeous Perfect Brilliant Girlfriend!

There are hints of life all around the manor. Remus’s textbooks and scarf are laid by the coffee table. Lily’s O.W.L. marks are framed on the wall, along with Dumbledore’s letters to James and Lily awarding them the position of Head Girl and Head Boy, as well as McGonagall’s previous letter to Remus that came with his Prefect badge years ago. There’s a spot dedicated to Peter, filled with a photograph of him awkwardly holding his Herbology test, one that he scored a hundred and twelve percent on. It’s a wall dedicated to them, you realize.

Then, you find it.

Right there, up above James’s spot, and beside Sirius’s display of beyond perfect Transfiguration exam marks, and a picture of him and Remus kissing each side of your face.

It’s a space on that wall just for you.

James follows your gaze and rubs the back of his head, ears tinged with a shade of deep pink. “Mum left a space when I first told her about you. I-It’s yours, you can put anything you want there.”

“I can’t,” You whisper, lips quivering as your heart cracks into a million pieces. It’s too much.

James blinks. “Can’t? It’s yours, I promise. Mum won’t mind. You can even hang your dumb Montrose Magpies poster and I won’t tear it down — Marauders’ honor. I can help you if you want. I-I’m not good as decorating as Lily, but I paid attention to your boring explanation of color theory and I know that you hate this shade of—”

“James, I can’t do this.”

That’s all you say before you run out of the door.

(And you’re absolutely delusional if you think James won’t follow you out that door and into the brewing snowstorm.)

You hear James call out to you, but you opt to ignore him and clutch your winter coat tighter around your body, shivering in the blowing wind, trudging through the deep snow through your heeled boots — designer couldn’t help you now even if you tried. You sniff, the salty taste of your tears dripping to your lips, chest tightening with a foreign kind of pain, and the frost nipping at your fingers. You give up after a few minutes, falling to the ground with an anguished cry, hand clutching the front of your chest as you struggle to breathe.

James reaches you in a matter of minutes, draping his jacket over you, barely flinching as the cold welts his bare skin. Frantically, he wipes the tears from your eyes, a pained expression on his face as he sees you cry helplessly. “Come on, dove, it’s not safe out here. Let’s go back home, yeah? I’m sorry for upsetting you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry — I’m so sorry, dove, please don’t cry, it’s killing me to s–see you like this.” Tears fall from his eyes, and he begins stuttering from the cold, but you can’t go back to the manor. “What did I do? Please tell me so I can fix it. I love you—I’m sorry.”

You bat his chest. “G–Go home, Jamie. I’ll just take the train back to the castle.”

“What?” He shakes his head, grabbing onto your hands. “Y–You can’t. Not in this weather. You’ll get sick if you try to walk back to the station.”

You withdraw from his hold as you back away from James, slipping into the ice-cold mask you know so well.

James rises in an instant, reaching for you. “No, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do that. Not now. Not with me. Please, just come home and I-I’ll fix it.”

“Goodbye, James,” You tell him firmly, clenching your jaw as you look him straight in the eyes.

He grimaces. “That won’t work on me, princess, and you know it. Don’t push me away—please.”

“Go home, James!” You yell bitterly, pivoting on your heel as you march through the thick inches of snow, hearing Remus and Lily’s voice grow louder in the distance. “Just go!”

He grits his teeth, nails digging deep into the palms of his hand. “You’re a coward if you walk away from here—from us—right now!” James shouts through chattering teeth and stray tears. “And I hate cowards more than anything!”

You don’t look back.

(Later that night, James stares blankly at the fireplace, tossing twigs now and then. He’s all out of tears. Remus crosses his legs as he sits beside James and offers him a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

“Don’t want one,” He mutters, words coarse from earlier, head turning away from Remus’s gift. “Just want her.”

Remus sets the beverage on the ground before pulling James’s head down to his chest, gently wiping the tears from his eyes as he wraps the blanket around both of them. He presses a soft kiss to James’s hair.

“I said I hated her,” James says weakly. “I don’t—I never will. I just hate that she’s out there spending Christmas all alone. She could be here—with us. I hate not knowing that she’s safe, or that she thinks I don’t love her anymore—that’s a bloody lie, Moony. I adore her. If anything, I don’t deserve her.”

James finds out that he does have more tears left in him. “I miss her. Bring her back, Rem, please.”

“You’ll cry yourself sick, love.” Remus wipes each tear away. “Let’s go to bed, yeah? Mornings do have a way of bringing miracles to us.” Because after a night of excruciating pain under the moon’s command, he wakes up to sunlight, and there you all are — smiling down at him like he is deserving of love; and maybe Remus can’t fault you for running away.

You’d kiss him gently and tell him how proud you are of him for coming back to you.

Remus only hopes you come back to them, too.)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“AND THAT, dear Harry, is how I humiliated Lucius Malfoy in fifth-year.” Your eyes gleam wickedly as you rest your arms on the school desk. “If he ever bothers you in your time, just mention my name—oh, I wish I could see the look on his face when he realizes I’m haunting him from my grave. Tell him, okay?”

Harry nods excitedly. “Definitely.”

“Got anymore stories?” He asks.

You cackle menacingly. “Boy, do I ever. Let me tell you about the one time Beckett McLaggen took me out on a date to Madam Puddifoot’s!”

Harry grimaces. “Do I even want to hear about this?”

“Oh, pish-posh.” You dismiss him with a wave. “You do, this story is hilarious. Now that I look back on it, Sirius was quite cross with him for the rest of the day—how strange. I wonder why.”

Harry stares at you in disbelief. “You’re joking.”

“I most certainly am not, Harry Potter.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1974; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

AN EAR-PIERCING scream wakes you up in the middle of the night. You snatch your wand from under your pillow, heart thudding against your chest in fear — last year, the Prewett twins decided it was funny to break into the girls’ quarters at midnight; you get a month worth of detention for hitting Gideon with the Expulso curse and suspension from class for two weeks, while the twins get away with a slap on the wrist and have the time of their lives spreading rumors of you being a Death-Eater.

Endora shoots up to her feet as well, staring at you in panic — then the girl screams again, and you realize it’s Allegra.

You sigh in relief, lowering your wand before saying to Endora, “I-It’s alright. I’ll handle it.”

“Are you sure?” Endora asks timidly, gnawing at her lip and wincing when Allegra wails once more.

“Certain,” You respond, yawning.

As Endora climbs back into her bed, you slip into Allegra’s side, holding her head to your chest, brushing your fingers through her hair and untangling the knots. Like most of the Greengrass women, she was of ethereal beauty — silky blonde hair, smooth and fair skin, deep blue eyes that enchant wizards and witches alike. But her cheeks have gone sallow from exhaustion, eyes devoid of any emotion, and her skin now sunken into her bones.

“I don’t want to marry him—I can’t! He’s old enough to be my father!” Allegra sobs violently, desperate for anyone to hear her, but no one really ever hears their cries from the dungeon. “They said they’d wait until I graduated—they promised! I’m supposed to marry him this summer!”

Your heart breaks for your friend — there’s nothing you can do but hold her until she’s cried every bit of her soul out.

“I hate them,” Allegra whispers to you; she had been shedding tears for hours, trembling in your arms until morning finally came.

“I know,” You say defeatedly.

“I wish I was dead,” She replies lifelessly. “He can’t marry a dead bride.”

“Don’t say that,” You beg as you hug her tight; afraid to lose her to the world that has worn her down. “Please.”

Allegra sinks into her pillows, and you follow in suit, hesitantly laying your head beside hers. She stares at the ceiling dully. “The world is so, so cruel to us daughters sometimes. And it’ll be cruel to our daughters, and their daughters. When will it end?”

“I don’t know,” You say honestly.

Allegra hums, neither disappointed nor surprised, and turns away to lay on her side. “Pansy,” She mumbles.

“What?”

“If we lived in a better world and I married for love, I’d want to name my daughter Pansy — like the flower.”

(Later that day, you are given detention for beating Evan Rosier to a pulp. He makes a joke about dirty blood, and you snap — you are tired of laughing and pandering to the arrogant men in your life. This is the first time you publicly defy your parents, and it felt good — more than good, it was liberating. It’s like breathing fresh air for the first time. Then, you earn a second detention for storming up to the Gryffindor common room and punching Fabian Prewett in the face — because fourth-year boys had no business sneaking into the girls’ dorm in the middle of the night for some stupid prank — and you threaten him by pointing the tip of your wand deep into his neck, demanding they apologize to you, Allegra, and Endora.

You get what you want, naturally — as princesses do. You decide then that you’re going to create a world where girls like Allegra don’t cry anymore.)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

HARRY TWINGES WHEN he hears the end of your fourth or fifth story of the afternoon — no wonder you had been so angered by his being in your room. “I-I’m sorry—”

“Yesterday was hardly your fault,” You interrupt him. “There’s no controlling where magic brings you, not in your case. You didn’t know, but now you know. I don’t hold it against them — anymore. Fifteen-year-old boys can be stupid, and at least they’ve learned from their mistakes. You should have seen your mother — erm, Lily — she looked like she was ready to kill them after finding out what they had done. Even Molly was cross with the twins, and you know how loyal Molly is to her family.”

Oh, Harry knows.

And Hermione knows it all too well.

“Others call us evil, conniving and cruel, Harry,” You tell him grimly, “But I will protect my own, no matter what I have to do.”

At that moment, Harry thinks he understands why some people come to fear Slytherin.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1978; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

“LOOK, LILY-PAD, the princess is drooling again.”

You open your eyes to glare at Sirius. “I don’t drool, idiot.”

Lily chortles as she presses a kiss to your shoulder. “Of course you don’t, princess.”

Currently, you’re lying on a shabby loveseat that is too small to hold the three of you; it’s the only furniture in the new cottage you call home, where Potter Manor was right across the street. (Euphemia was ecstatic to have you all nearby — the lovely woman was sprite for her age, but you notice the way she stops to sit and catch her breath, Sirius and James hovering over her attentively; you’re good at pretending, so you pretend that the Potters will be around forever.) Some rooms are dusty with cobwebs, walls unfinished, with the floors creak under your feet, and there’s no other place you’d rather call home.

You’re in between Sirius and Lily; your lips swollen from their kisses, cheeks flushed and the column of your throat graced with love marks. It’s the most beautiful set of jewelry you’ve ever worn, not even burmese rubies could compare. Lily’s hand rests under your jumper, Sirius’s thigh wedged between your own. While peace blankets the three of you, James and Remus have yet to come home from their task given by the Order.

“You need a haircut, my love,” You mumble drowsily, pulling at one of the dark ringlets — it’s gone past his shoulders now. He captures your hand and leaves a delicate kiss on your fingertips.

Lily buries her nose in your hair. “She’s right, Siri.”

“I’m always right.” You pout.

Sirius, love-sick fool that he is, smiles as he tilts your chin with his finger and ensnares you in a kiss that leaves you breathless. “Course you are — our girl’s bloody brilliant, isn’t she, Lily-pad?”

“Without a doubt.”

You roll your eyes at their antics, rolling around so that your back is pressed to Sirius’s chest — they’re not fooled, however; Lily sees the way your eyes flicker in amusement and the way your lips threaten to curve up into a smile. She traces the swell of your lips with her thumb, to the dip of your nose, and to the apples of your cheek. Sea-green eyes beam at you.

“I love you,” says Lily, committing every inch of you to her memory as she wears a melancholic smile. “I don’t know who told you that you don’t deserve to be loved, but they were wrong. You are so precious to us, dove, you don’t even know how much. This right here is real — and nothing could ever change that.”

As it turns out, you did have more smiles to give — only the happy ones; not the fake, courteous smiles that you had given to your mother’s friends in the past. You come to intertwine your hand with Lily’s, the one that had been resting on your cheek, tenderly wiping the tears that pooled within your eyes. Your heart could burst from your chest. They had a habit of wringing every emotion out of you; of making love feel real, not just a myth from a Muggle storybook. And you find, that you didn’t mind this particular habit of theirs. In the comforts of the place you call home, where you irrefutably belong, you are free to seek their arms and fall into their love, and the best part is where you get to love them right back.

How lucky you are.

“Let’s get married,” You blurt out, holding your breath, feeling Sirius’s hand on your waist stiffen.

“What?” Lily gasps breathlessly.

You smile up at Lily. “Let’s get married. All of us. I don’t care where, o–or about the rings, let’s just get married. With the war going on, we deserve s–something good.”

Lily sobs as she nods excitedly. “Yes. Oh my Gods—we’re getting married!”

Sirius stares at you in wonder. “Bloody hell, dove, give a guy some warning, would you?”

You grin. “Is that a yes?”

“It’s a yes — forever.” Sirius dives in to kiss you senseless. “Couldn’t get rid of us now even if you tried.”

“I don’t think I’d want to, anyway.”

Right then, the rickety door slams open, and you hear the loves of your life calling out for the three of you. Followed by the heavy thud of Dragonhide boots plunking down onto the floor

“We’re home!” James announces in the entryway.

Lily wastes no time in shooting up from the sofa and welcoming them home with quite a unique greeting:

“We’re all getting married!”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“That ring is an heirloom passed down to the children in our family,” You tell Harry, pointing to the band around his finger. “It’s meant to symbolize our loyalty and duty to our House. My mother said I would have earned it only when I became a wife to Ferguson Bulstrode.” You chuckle at Harry’s perturbed grimace. “No, I didn’t marry him — thankfully. After Allegra. . . I—I. . . I couldn’t bear it. If I was going to marry, it would be on my own terms, and it would be for love, nothing less. Then, if my child wanted it, I’d give them this ring. I want to leave behind a legacy that I created. When I was younger, I’d resigned to a fate that was forcefully carved by someone else’s hand.”

You shake your head. “I want to die being remembered by those who loved me. Otherwise, I was never truly alive.”

Harry won’t let that happen, he won’t ever let your name be forgotten. He’ll share of your kindness to his friends, of your bravery and loyalty. Hermione will love your fondness of Muggle musicals and how you stood up to Lily’s defense in a world that ostracized her for being different. He’ll remind Remus of your love for him, that he had brought you hope in times of despair. Harry is going to make sure the world knows you had been so full of life with endless love to give. You are going to be remembered in the way Voldemort never will.

“What do the words mean?” He stares at the writing: Tempus Edax Rerum.

You smile. “Time, devourer of all things.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1978; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

“REMUS—THE MUGGLES ARE stuck in the telly again!”

Remus snickers as he takes the vacant space beside you on the loveseat, now sewn up with care and spattered with knitted quilts and throw pillows — still too small to carry three people but hasn’t given out yet, anyway. He takes Lily’s legs over his lap, swiftly stealing a kiss from your lips. “It’s a film, dove, they’re acting.”

You purse your lips. “They’re trapped inside, then?”

Lily snorts into her tub of chocolate fudge ice cream. “Not quite, princess, it’s recorded. Movies are like moving photographs — but they’re an hour long with sounds.”

“Oh.” You turn your attention back to the screen, back to the film Lily had been watching. You had to admit — the story of Sandy and Danny was an interesting one. “Lily-pad, she’s singing — again.”

Sirius hushes you from where he was cuddling James on the other couch. “She’s supposed to sing, dove, it’s a musical.”

“Well, yes,” You begin, and James groans into Sirius’s chest, “But they should just talk instead of singing all the time — Sandy’s got a lovely voice, though. I just don’t understand why Danny’s treating her like that! Truthfully, I don’t like any of Sandy’s new friends, other than Frenchy — she’s harmless. If I was Sandy I’d move on from Danny — but then again, that hair and those muscles, and his leather jacket! I can’t blame her.”

Sirius glowers at you. “You like his leather jacket?”

“His hair?” James exclaims in horror.

Remus chuckles as he tucks you in his side, kissing your temple. “If I were you, dove, I’d be quiet and just watch the film.”

“Oh, no, no.” Sirius barely glances at the television as he pauses the film and stands up to point an accusatory finger at you. “Since when were you into leather jackets? Do you think those are cool? Since when? Jamie, should I get one? Let’s unpack this, right now. And his muscles, really?”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Play the film, Black, I want to see the end of their love story.”

“I’m telling Euphemia on you!”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“—and then we realized that we accidentally locked Hermione in with the troll.” Harry’s arms flail about as he shares some of his adventures with you — it had only been fair. He felt like a young boy again, entering Hogwarts for the first time as he watched you listen to him intently, gasping at tale of the vanishing glass and scolding him when he says he and Ron had decided to go searching for Hermione, and by extension, the troll.

Your eyes grow wide. “A troll? In Hogwarts? They can’t have, not unless—”

“Someone let it in—I know!” Harry grins. “You’re not going to believe who let the troll in the castle.”

You snap your fingers, “Malfoy, the older one. I know that lump’s got something to do with this. Can’t have been Snape or Quirrell.”

“Just you wait.” Harry’s eyes twinkle with mischief. “—and so, Professor McGonagall finds us, and can you believe it? She awards us for dumb luck! Then. . .”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1979; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

IT HAD COME AS A surprise when you volunteered to join the Order of the Phoenix. You wanted to scoff at their shocked faces — was it so surprising that you wanted to protect your family? They let Severus Snape join their ranks, and you’re fairly certain that you’re a better fighter and survivalist than him — not the better liar, however, he can have that one. The week before, you and the others had an argument that lasted for the whole day. They did not want you in harm’s way, and you would rather die than stay at home, waiting idly for them to return, when you could be out there alongside them.

(“It’s not some game out there!” Remus runs through his hair in frustration — he had always been so careful to never raise his voice at you, but this one time, he needed you to back down. “Every time you step into a raid, there’s a possibility of you dying, don’t you understand that? And even if you survive — you’ll have blood on your hands, and it does not wash away no matter how many times you try, trust me, we know.”

“So what?” You throw your hands up in the air, equally aggravated. “I just stay here like some. . . some pet waiting for their owners to come home?”

“Yes!” Lily angrily replies. “That is the whole point of us joining the Order — so you get to live another day. So we all have a chance at this new world without a war. Let us protect you!”

You grind down on your jaw. “You have got another thing coming, if you think I’m not going to fight tooth and nail for my future.”

James slams a fist onto the kitchen counter. “There are horrors out there you can’t even imagine. I-It’s worse than we thought. It’s our every nightmare come to life.”

You raise your chin defiantly. “Then we face it together.”)

Each day, you survive, and each day the five of you return home — scarred and bruised, but safe within the arms of one another. When you collapse and crumble, it is only for the walls of your home to witness.

Now a month into autumn, you are on your first task without Sirius, James, Lily or even Remus. Instead, you are assigned by Dumbledore to Knockturn Alley along with Peter Pettigrew and Gideon Prewett. How strange time was, years ago you’d never associate with the proud Gryffindors, and now you had to trust them to guard your back. Everyone had to grow up quickly during war, even pranksters.

The alley was quiet — too quiet for your liking. You had been on alert since the moment you apparated into the area, wand at your ready. The back of your neck prickled with goosebumps as you kept an ear out for any sign of movement.

Peter shivers and you glance at him — he’s become far too skinny, constantly shrinking into himself out of fear. And while you want to comfort him, you keep your eyes up ahead. Still, there's a nagging feeling that you can’t quite make out. It’s different from all the other times you’ve been asked to search and rescue.

“Don’t you feel like there’s something wrong?” You ask Gideon, eyes snapping to the flock of crows flying overhead.

“Dunno, kid,” Gideon says, nudging your shoulder with pressed lips. “Everything about this is freaking me out. The place is too empty.”

“I get what you mean,” You reply, swallowing your own nervousness. Without waiting for the rest, you speed up your pace. “I’ll scout ahead, who knows what’s been here before us. I don’t want to risk any of our lives, so let’s be careful. Gideon, ward the area while I check for any cursed objects, last time you almost got your arm cut off by a newspaper of all things. And Peter, could you. . . Peter?”

When you turn to check behind you, it all happens so fast.

“Avada Kedavra!”

You scream as Gideon’s deathly pale body falls to the floor.

“No!”

You aren’t given a moment to rush to his side — someone digs their wand in the side of your neck, and you stiffen in their hold. It’s not until they hiss in your ear that you recognize the voice.

“Rosier.” You spit, biting down on your lip when he presses the tip of his wand further into your flesh.

“Stupid witch,” He taunts, eyes dilating with vengeance. “Where are your lovers now?”

“Jealous?” You claw at his arms, chest heaving up and down. “We don’t have room for one more, sorry.”

“Shut up!” He pushes you to the ground in blind rage, and that’s all the opening you need.

“Expulso!”

Each curse you send his way lands on his cloaked body, sending him staggering backwards. With ease, you deflect each spell he counters with. You’re winning, he is growing tired, and perhaps that is why you let your guard down.

“Accio wand!”

The magic fizzles out, and the spell dies on your lips. As you swivel your head to find out who’s stolen your wand, you expect to find another Death Eater — except it’s Peter. Just Peter Pettigrew, quivering in his boots with tears and snot dripping down his face, your wand in his free hand. You furrow your brows — it doesn’t make sense.

“Peter?” You call out.

“Crucio!”

The curse finds its home in your body — and it sinks deep into your flesh, grinding your bones until you slump to the ground, wriggling as you draw blood from your lips, refusing to let them hear an ounce of your pain. Blood trickles down your nose as you hear Evan Rosier dancing around you in glee. You know this curse well; the sound of your father condemning you gleefully echo in your head. You crawl over to Gideon — hand desperately reaching for his shirt.

“Crucio!” Rosier grabs you by the hair and howls with laughter. “Scream for me again—Crucio!”

It’s as though someone had begun to rip you in half. Your bones shift and crack with every uttered curse. The veins in your eyes have popped and through bloody vision, you see Peter cowering away from you.

“You—fucking—traitor,” You gurgle, throat welling up with blood that’s risen from your stomach. “They’ll—never—forgive you—never.”

“Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Come on, witch — SCREAM! Look at her go, Pettigrew, crawling like some pathetic worm.”

You lay in your owl pool of blood, wearing a body that is marred and lacerated. But you see something in Gideon’s hand. I’m sorry, you want to tell him. I’ll get you home to Molly, you promise, please lend me your magic this once. With every last bit of your strength, just as Rosier directs another curse at you — one you know you won’t survive — you snatch the wand from Gideon’s hand and tear the last of your magic from your throat.

“Defodio!”

You wait with a bated breath as silence fills the alley; lucky to have remembered Professor Flitwick’s quick remark as to how the slight difference in pronouncing a charm could alter its effect. Rosier stands on shaky legs, a stream of blood leaking from the corner of his mouth. You watch as he looks down to his chest, where a gaping hole now lies instead of where his ribcage and heart should be. As Gideon had done before him, Evan Rosier crashes to the ground.

That just leaves one more problem.

Peter scurries to your side the moment Rosier can hurt him no longer. “I-I’m sorry—I’m sorry. I had to. . . T–They killed my mum, they killed M–Mary, and t–they said I would die too if I d–didn’t do this. I’m sorry. Y–Your father was there, too. He said he would take you in, let you l–live if you joined us. W–We can live, t–there’s still a chance for us to survive.”

Your fingers are bent at unsightly angles, the remnants of the Torture Curse still flowing through your veins, but your face contorts in anger as you let your hand curl around his neck. He sobs louder, and though your grip is weakening — you make sure he looks into your eyes, that he feels your touch.

“I’d rather—die.” You say through gritted teeth, nails drawing blood from his grimy skin. “You’ll die too—you’ll feel my blood on your skin—everywhere you go, Peter.”

Peter shakes his head, now clumsily pushing his wand down to the center of your chest. “Y–You were the only o–one who d–didn’t laugh at me. N–Not like the others.”

“When they find out—you’re dead, Pettigrew.” You laugh darkly as more blood exits your body through your lips. “There’s nowhere you can hide—you’re a dead man.”

“P-Please die,” Peter cries out, each killing spell coming out as a garbled whisper. “Please die, s–so I can live. I c–can’t fight anymore, I’m tired.”

Your vision goes a hazy shade of white, Peter’s silhouette fading away to the familiar scenery of your cottage in Godric’s Hollow.

Oh.

Dying is less painful than you had expected it to be. It’s like coming home after a day’s work.

You just wanted to rest now.

The world caves in on you, and you barely hear Peter’s next words.

“Avada Kedavra.”

(It’s past midnight when Peter Pettigrew arrives at Grimmauld Place, where it’s been altered to host the members of the Order, Lily sobs in relief and gathers him in her arms.

You’ll feel my blood on your skin.

You’re a dead man.

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re home safe — welcome home — thank the Gods you’re alive,” Lily blabbers through her tears, checking his face for any major injuries. “Merlin, what happened? There’s too much blood on you. It’s on your shirt and your face.”

“It’s not mine,” says Peter hoarsely.

Sirius’s gaze darkens, arms crossed over his jacket as he leaned against the wall. “Where is she?”

Lily nods, standing on her tiptoes to search for any sign of you. “Peter? I–Is she alright? Has something happened to her?”

Peter stays silent for a moment too long, and he finds himself slammed against the wall behind him, Sirius snarling in his face as he seizes the front of Peter’s soiled shirt. “Where the fuck is she, Pettigrew?”

Peter begins to weep. “I–It was an ambush. None of us saw it coming. Gideon r–ran. She was taking on two Death-Eaters at once and I–I was too far away.”

Lily collapses to the ground with a heart-wrenching scream.

Sirius growls as he drives his fist to the wall, inches away from Peter’s face. “Where is her body?”

“It was a disintegration spell.” With Severus Snape — brought to the Malfoy Manor to be made as an example of what happens to blood-traitors.

James pushes Sirius out of the way and grabs a hold of Peter, knocking his head against the concrete. “It should have been you—” James snaps at Peter. “If it came down to you or her—you should have saved her!”

“W-What?” Peter stammers, eyes wide. “She chose to save m–me.”

James sneers at him. “You should have just died.”)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1996; CURRENTLY, IN THE PRESENT.)

ST. JEROME’S GRAVEYARD had exactly one visitor. Remus Lupin sits in between James and Lily’s graves, a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand — four empty at his side. He must be going crazy. There’s no funeral for Sirius as there’s no body to actually bury, Harry is presumed missing after an attack in Diagon Alley, and your name stares back at him mockingly. He tries not to dwell on your passing — there have been too many holes, too many details left unsaid; and he knows just the rat who has all the answers. Unfortunately, Wormtail won’t come out of whatever hole he’s crawled into. Either him, or Severus.

He sighs, rubbing the temples of his head to ease the growing pains.

You are the first to be buried of the five. Like Sirius, there had been no recovered body to lay to rest, but they asked for a compromise instead. Your name is engraved under Euphemia’s in her tombstone, and Remus figures it’s the fitting place to leave you be — with your mother, welcoming you home with open arms. He hopes you’re at peace, wherever you are. (Because, honestly, at this point, he might just fucking follow you.)

Remus takes another swig of his alcohol, laughing bitterly to himself. He glances at James’s headstone and raises his bottle to him. “Not even in death, huh?”

He downs the last of the drink, rising to his tremulous legs. Remus gathers the flower bouquets he had bought earlier this morning; lilies-of-the-valley for Lily, white carnations for Euphemia, forget-me-nots for you, and for James — Remus leaves a moving photograph of him and Sirius; it’s a snapshot taken by Lily during the wedding as James dips his head low to kiss Sirius. Remus thinks it’s a wonderful memory to remember them by.

“Take care of them for me, Jamie.”

And that is all the goodbyes Remus has the strength for.

end note. i think i was crying the whole time i was writing this part, LMAO. i should be able to wrap things up in the next one. important!! there is actually a scene i was hesitant to include, but i ended up writing anyway. it's the whole part where allegra greengrass breaks down, and it was difficult for me to decide because i knew the implications; that i had a strong underlying message in that part, and i don't want it to be misconstrued or anything. pls pls tell me if it comes off as offensive, i definitely don't want to hurt anyone. nevertheless, thank you again so so so much for reading!! if you spot a plot hole, no you didnt!! i hope the time-jumps weren't too confusing! again, thank you so so much for reading!!

3K notes · View notes

lenacosse · 3 months

Note

Sirius black x reader that are in a secret relationship to not ruin their friendship, make it angsty, they pretend they don’t love each other and that it’s just secret sex (because the sex is fantastic) but they do love each other so much it consumes them.

Say don’t go…

pairing: sirius black x female reader

cw: brief smut, alcohol consumption, angst

word count: 3,295

(this is my first request so i hope it’s okay. hopefully this is what you were expecting!)

————————————————————————

You run your hands through Sirius’ hair as he pounds into you, the sound of your moans and the bed rocking against the wall fill the room. You feel yourself getting closer by the second, the tension in your stomach rapidly builds.

“Sirius,” you moan. “Im so close”.

“I know me too.” His thrusts get sloppier as he groans in your ear.

The tension in your abdomen releases as your whole body feels euphoric. Your moans get softer as you slowly come down from your high. Sirius gets faster, chasing his release, your legs shake around his waist as your nails dig into his shoulder pads. He lets out a deep moan and releases onto your thighs. Sirius gets dressed again, cleans you up and sits at the bottom of his bed handing you your clothes.

“You good to walk?” Sirius asks, passing you your jumper.

“I’m good, thanks pads.” You smile, what you said was only partially true. You knew you couldn’t stay, you never stayed that was one of the rules you gave yourself. For you having him in anyway at all is better than not having him. Even if it meant you had to hurt yourself every time by leaving.

“Alright, see you later. Remember if you see the boys on your way back tell them we were doing homework.”

You nod and give him a smile before leaving his dorm. Once you’re out your smile drops and your eyes water. Every time he doesn’t tell you to stay feels like a kick to the gut, you knew you were going around in circles with yourself. You were so undoubtedly in love with Sirius that you couldn’t even think straight. Any rational person would have ended the hooking up months ago, but you couldn’t get enough of it. It was the closest way to being with him and that moment when he’s undressing you, then touching you, and kissing you everything drifted away and all you felt was him. So you accepted the fact he only wanted one thing out of you, or so you thought because to everyone else it’s so obvious he loves you, anytime Sirius has liked a girl the only thing he would do is tease her and prank her. But he cared too much about you to do that, so instead he soaks up everything you have to say, he searches for your face in crowds, he values you opinions on literally anything and most of all he betters himself for you. However you couldn’t see that, and so he assumed you didn’t love him back.

“Where have you been?” Lily raises and eyebrow from behind her book as you walk into your dorm room, Mary is painting her nails and Marlene is finishing homework.

“Nowhere.” You reply and kick your shoes off. You sit on your bed avoiding eye contact with the girls, see you hadn’t exactly told them about you and Siriushe didn’t tell his friends, not even James. Yet Lily was catching on, she just knew but couldn’t prove it.

She puts her book down and goes to sit on your bed, she crosses her legs and sits directly in front of you. You look over to Mary who just shrugs in response.

“(Y/N) please just tell us. It’s so obvious,” Lily tried to get the truth from you.

“Tell you what?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Lily sighed.

“No I don’t actually, I’m not psychic.”

“You and Sirius? You’re hooking up right?” Mary looks at you, her question circling in your head.

You just start laughing, looking at her as if she’s mad. A part of you felt embarrassed, how you saw it was that Sirius was embarrassed to be with you, so he never asked you out to Hogsmeade or told you to stay. And now your friends were catching on which made you feel nothing but a deep shame.

“I’d never get with Sirius.” You scoff.

“It’s so obvious you’re obsessed with him. Why can’t you just tell us?” Asks Lily

“Im not having this conversation. If you don’t believe me then that’s your problem.” You glare at Lily and Mary. Lily moves off your bed and goes back to her book, Marlene didn’t hear a thing from listening to a mixtape through her headphones.

As you lay awake to Merlin knows what hour as you think of Sirius. Not being with him would drive you mad, but there’s no way you could go on like this. Nothing made sense, if you told him how you felt and he didn’t feel the same way things would be weird. You valued your friendship with Sirius and his friends, your friend groups had just started to merge together. Especially now that Lily tolerates James, and you didn’t want to ruin that. But you also couldn’t lose Sirius, Sirius who brought out the best parts of you, Sirius who brought excitement and thrill into your life. Sirius who made you laugh until your sides hurt, but most of all Sirius who gives you life who lifts you up and makes you feel important. You needed him, so you came to the decision not to talk to him, maybe one day you’d have the courage.

———————————————————————

You walk into the common room to hear cheers and clapping. Your friends had thrown you a surprise party for your birthday, you couldn’t hold back the grin that spread across your face. Birthdays were a touchy topic for you considering your parents didn’t exactly care to celebrate, but you’ve found happiness in them since first year, and nothing made you feel more appreciated than seeing all their faces cheering for you.

“Happy birthday (Y/N/N)!” Remus smiled, pulling you into a hug.

“Thank you. Whose idea was this?” You ask taking the drink that Mary forced into your hand.

“Mine.” Sirius walked over to you and Remus. He nudged you with his elbow. “Happy birthday.” He winked. You smiled into your cup trying to defuse the blush that was creeping up over your cheeks. You looked up to Remus who stood awkwardly watching the interaction.

“Im going to go..” he walked away. You turned your attention to Sirius.

“Was this really your idea?”

“What you think I don’t care about you? Lily was trying to get us to have a picnic for your birthday, that would’ve been awful.” You shrug as he said the first sentence, it took everything in you to not question how much he actually did care. But fighting wouldn’t solve anything right now.

“My saviour.” You roll your eyes playfully, Sirius excuses himself and you scan the room. It was packed with your friends and those in your year group, the smell of cigarettes and cheap alcohol filled your senses as the record player that Marlene has filled the room with ABBA, you leaned against the wall a content smile resting on your face. The reality that Sirius had planned this made you have butterflies, maybe he did feel something for you.. or maybe you were reading in to it too much but regardless you wouldn’t dare act on it.

Marlene walks over to you already half cut, you couldn’t help but laugh as she tumbled into some Slytherins.

“There she is, birthday girl.”

“Drunk already marls?” You tease.

“Of course I am.”

“Why are you standing alone, come sit with us.”

“I was just seeing who was here,” you replied and followed her to your group of friends. There sat James, Lily, Mary and now you and Marlene.

You played a game of never have I ever which of course ended in someone getting absolutely plastered. Surprisingly that person was James who drank to some really concerning things, which you absolutely planned to hold over his head.

“You should talk to Sirius.” James blurts out, Lily smacks him hard in the arm causing a groan to escape his mouth as he flicked her cheek.

“What are you talking about?” You sigh, topping up your drink with fire whiskey. It burned its way down your system as you took a sip, making you shiver.

“Watching you two is a complete disaster,” James tutted.

“There is no us. We’re friends, that’s all.” You scoff. You look over your shoulder to see Sirius standing there with a gift present, his face drops as you turn around. Before you know it he’s gone up the stairs.

You rack your brain trying to understand what just happened, until you realise he heard everything you just said. But that didn’t make sense. Sirius wasn’t into you, so why did he look at you like his whole world has shattered? You get up from your seat and head upstairs after him, you knock on his door and slowly open it.

“Sirius?” You call out walking into his dorm.

He turns to face you, a bottle of fire whiskey in his hand. He smiles at you, but he looked upset, you could tell by his eyes.

“Everything okay?” You walk to him. Sitting next to him, he passes you the bottle of fire whiskey. You take a swig, your throat and eyes burning from the sensation.

“Of course.” He replies flatly.

“Are you sure?”

“Just drop it.”

“Sorry.” You sigh. You awkwardly pull on your sleeves, the silence between you both is consuming you. “Lily thinks we’re hooking up. Can’t keep anything from her.”

“What did you tell her.”

“I said I’d never,” you cringe as the words came out of your mouth. You internally kick yourself, who the fuck says that?

“Of course you did.” Sirius scoffs.

“What do you mean?” You look at him, you look him in the eye, his eyes hold so much emotion in them that it makes your heart hurt. It was in that moment you realise what you’ve done. He loved you. He adored you. Yet sitting here looking at him you watch that love and adoration die. “Sirius..”

“Don’t.” He looks away. His eyes burning holes into the wall. Without looking at you he gives you the present bag, you take it and leave the room. Not daring to say anything that would make matters worse.

You stand against the wall, with shaky hands and open the present. You heart drops once you see it, he wrote you a poem, the poem talks about the little things you do that he adores. Reading it makes your head hurt, you feel like the worst person ever, you’ve frankly never felt shame like it. You can’t hold the tears that fall from your eyes, in the bag is also a bracelet, it has red ruby stones in it, seeing it makes your heart shatter even more. You go to your dorm, to catch a breath. Which entails you first starting at your present and crying, then trying to think of something to do but you ultimately decide that you needed to give Sirius space, talking it through is the worst decision. So you go back to the party soon after and the only thing you do is drink. You have never felt more ashamed, so of course you pity drink which leads to you being an absolute mess, but it kept your feelings at bay somehow.

“I think you’ve had enough (Y/N),” James says trying to pry the bottle off you.

“Fuck off.” You slur taking another swig.

“Seriously give me the bottle. This is ridiculous.”

“James. Fuck off.”

James just sighs and accepts defeat, you keep looking for Sirius. But you can’t see him that is until you’re sitting talking to Marlene who’s just a drunk as you are, suddenly you hear a bunch of cheering. You look over to where the noise is coming from and there’s a group of people circled around. Out of curiosity you get up to see, you stumble over and squeeze your way to get a good view. You see Sirius and this girl throwing back shot after shot, he catches your eye and gives you a cold glare. The act gives you goosebumps and makes your skin crawl, as he’s still looking at you he grabs the girl by the collar and they share a very passionate kiss. Your stomach churns and your vision blurs, you feel an arm grab you and next thing you know you’re in your dorm, uncontrollably sobbing.

“Drink this,” Remus gives you a cup of water, you take a little sip in between your sobs.

“I ruined everything,” you sob, “Sirius is never going to talk to me again.”

“He might.” Remus shrugged.

“Well aren’t you just so helpful.” You poke his chest. He gives you some tissues and sits with you until you pass out from all the crying you’ve done. Remus felt bad for you but he knew Sirius would eventually come around, he just needed time to be defiant.

——————————————————————

Two weeks has passed since your birthday, two weeks of torture. Everything between your friend group was so awkward you stopped sitting with them at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sirius upright refused to acknowledge your existence and anytime he looked at you it would be countered by him snogging his new girlfriend. Lily had tried to force you to talk to him but you couldn’t bare it, you also cried yourself to sleep most nights, you knew it was your fault but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

“(Y/N)?” Marlene snapped her fingers in front of your face, startled you jumped a little and look at her.

“What?!” You snapped.

“You’re supposed to be quizzing Lily.” You sigh and look at Lily, she offers you a sympathetic smile and hands you her flash cards. You, Marlene and Lily were in the library studying for upcoming mocks. Except you couldn’t focus.

“You know what. I’m sick of this. Go talk to him.” Lily snapped, she had been trying to get through to you every single day since your party.

“I told you already, there is no point he won’t talk to me.” You fire back.

“No. There absolutely is. This is getting ridiculous! I can’t stand it, you have two choices. Stop sulking or go talk to him!”

“You don’t understand!”

You quickly realise all the people in the library are staring at you, you duck your head in embarrassment until you hear someone clear their throat behind you. You turn around and see Madam Pince standing with her arms crossed.

“You three out. Now. This is a library show some respect!”

You all scramble to collect your things and rush out of the library. You feel the eyes of students on the back of you head but you didn’t care, anymore.

“Look what you’ve done. I swear (Y/N) if you don’t go talk to him I’ll force you both into our dorm and lock the door until things get sorted.” Says Lily as she angrily walks beside you and Marlene back to the Gryffindor tower.

“You’re the one that started shouting not me.”

“I wouldn’t have to shout if you would just do the right thing.”

“Can you two both stop. Seriously, Lily I agree with you but she won’t do anything she doesn’t want to do.”

“Thank you Marls.”

“I’m not defending you here.”

You roll your eyes at Marlene and the three of you burst out laughing, Lily apologies for shouting at you but you understood her reasoning. At the end of the day things weren’t going to work out between you and Sirius if you didn’t try to fix things.

———————————————————————

You pound your fist at the door rapidly for the third time, on the other side of the door you can hear music playing. Eventually after you’ve knocked so much that your knuckles have swollen the door opens.

“Ah the woman of the hour. What can I do for you m’lady?” James teases

You roll your eyes at him. “Is Sirius here?”

“He is.” James looks over his shoulder back at Sirius. “One second.”

James shuts the door and you stand waiting outside, you hear muffled voices and a few minutes later James opens the door again. “He can’t wait to talk to you. I’ll be in the common room.” James walks out of the door and you walk in, closing it behind you.

“Hi.” You say softly awkwardly standing at the foot of Sirius’ bed.

“What do you want?”

You sigh and think of what to say. “Im sorry.”

“For?”

“You know what for.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell you’ll have to remind me.” You stay silent looking at Sirius waiting for him to crack a smile, but he doesn’t. You forgot how petty he can be. “Go on.”

“Im sorry for saying we’re just friends,”

“…okay.”

“Is that all you’re going to say?”

“There’s nothing else to say.”

“Sirius come on. You know how I feel about you.”

“No actually I don’t. You never ever made an effort to show me, all you wanted to do was fuck and then you’d leave right after.”

“You pushed me away!”

“I was doing what you wanted me to. You said it yourself were only friends there’s nothing between us.”

“No. Don’t do that. I wanted you to tell me to stay, I wanted you to want me. You don’t even like me so why did you write me that poem Sirius?”

He stands up walking towards you. “Because it’s not simple with you (Y/N).”

“What do you mean?”

“All the boys you like are refined and smart. I’m neither of those things.”

“I don’t care if you’re smart!” You gesture with your hands. “You make me laugh Sirius, you make me feel important.”

“Then why didn’t you say that?”

“Because I liked our friendship too much to sabotage that. Plus I never thought you’d actually like me.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

“That’s bullshit. I done so much to show you I liked you.”

“Like what?”

“I read those books you like, I listened to the music you like, I listened to you talk about the things that you’re interested in.”

“That’s what friends do Sirius! That has nothing to do with liking me.”

“To me it does.”

“…well I’m sorry. But please stop hating me, I can’t bare it anymore.” Your voice cracked and you eyes welled up.

“I don’t hate you.” He replied softly, taking your hand.

You look down biting your lip as a tear escapes your eyes, Sirius lifts your chin with his hand gently and wipes your tear.

“Im sorry too.”

You let out an airy laugh. “For what? You didn’t do anything.”

“I should’ve heard you out.”

“I understand why you didn’t.” The silence fills the room again, you look up at him your expression soft. “Please give me a chance? I know I was wrong, but I won’t let you down”

Sirius cups your face and kisses you softly, the kiss was intimate and soft. Not like your usual rough and intense kisses. He pulls you in a hand running down your back gently, you slowly pull back.

Suddenly the door cracks open and you look behind you, there stands Lily and James both with smug looks on their faces.

“Finally. Up top Evans?” James puts his hand up for a high five.

“Absolutely not.” Lily rolls her eyes. You look back at Sirius and he cracks a smile. You felt beyond relieved that things are looking up, and the fact that Sirius doesn’t hate you makes everything better.

Lily drags James away and you kiss Sirius again. “You’ve no idea how relieved I am.”

“I think I have an inkling.” Sirius tucks a strand of your hair behind your era. “I love you so much, seriously it’s freighting.”

“Trust me, I understand. I love you too.”

#sirius black #mauraders #harry potter #smut #fluff #fluff and angst #angst with a happy ending #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #miscommunication #remus lupin #james potter #lily evans #marlene mckinnon #mary macdonald #fanfiction #fanfic #light smut #request

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madwcman · 5 months

Text

he should be here

pairing: sirius black x reader

summary: inspired by “the moment i knew” by taylor swift

warnings: angst, mentions of food, the marauders are aged up, sirius sucks, and use of y/n

authors note: it’s my birthday! so here’s my gift to you guys <3

you watch the door, you’ve been watching the door most of the evening waiting for your boyfriend sirius to walk in at any moment with a big smile on his face ready to celebrate your birthday with you. but it’s getting late and he still hasn’t shown.

you shouldn’t feel worried about this, he’s your boyfriend and he should be here for you, but sirius hasn’t been the best boyfriend to you. he doesn’t show up for you as a boyfriend should, he leaves you out a lot, hearing how he’s going out with your friends from lily and mary. but you're feeling hopeful it is your birthday after all. he’s going to be here.

“what are you doing standing here?” you turn and see your good friend, marlene. she gives you a wide smile tilting her head to look at you better. “waiting for sirius.” you mumbled, turning your whole body to speak to marls. “he’s still not here?!” she asks with a frown, upset with her friend's behavior towards you. “no he’s not.” you say simply turning to look back at the door, seeing that remus has arrived. you turn back to marlene when you hear her mumbling “when i get my hands on him.”

“it’s okay!” you give her a reassuring smile, that’s clearly fake but your hoping she’s buying it. but she can see right through your fake smile, she shakes her head at you. “it’s not okay!” you just sigh and look back at the door waiting for sirius to burst through the door with a smile.

and the hours pass by and still no sign of sirius. all of your friends and family have been asking where he is, or how he’s been and you can’t bring yourself to talk about him. your friends and family are enjoying themselves while you stand alone in your own thoughts. you weren’t enjoying yourself, you kept thinking about the one thing missing: sirius.

starting to tear up you remove yourself from your living room making your way to your bathroom. entering the bathroom, you quickly shut the door and lock it. you lean against the door and allow yourself to cry. he isn’t here. he promised he would be here for you and he didn’t keep his word. it breaks your heart to know you’re not one of sirius’ main priorities.

“y/n?” you hear james voice as he knocks on the door slowly. “i saw you rushing past us, upset. what’s wrong?” james ask. he was always concerned about what’s wrong with others, and you appreciate that about james but you want to be alone right now. “y/n you can tell me.” you hear james speak through the door, you contemplate telling him how sirius not being here really bothers you, but you don’t want sirius looking bad in front of his best friend. you hear remus and peters voices mumbling their concerns with james.

“y/n its remus what’s wrong?” and you let out a loud sob. letting them know you’re really upset. “he said he would be here!” you sniff, you bring your hands to your face; wiping the tears off your face. “who?” james asks softly, a little confused. you can’t see james but you can tell he has a small frown on his face “sirius.” peter answers sourly. “oh- i’m sure he-“ james, stutters trying to come up with some excuse for sirius. “don’t make excuses for him james.” you hear remus meanly utter to james, clearly agitated. “i’m not.” james states, and you can hear remus mumble a snippy “sure.” as he knocks on the door again. “y/n, come out please?” you rub your eyes as you open the door for james, remus and peter. they give you encouraging smiles as you meet their eyes.

“he should be here.” you whisper, more to yourself then the boys. “we know.” remus breaks the distance from you and the boys and wraps his arms around you giving you a hug. “Let's clean you up, yeah?” james says as you and remus lets go, and moves in to hug you next. “then we can sing you happy birthday!” peter states excitedly, trying to defeat the sad atmosphere. “yeah, okay.” you let go of james and go to calm yourself down.

a few minutes later go by and you calmed yourself down with the boy's help, you walk into the kitchen where the rest of your friends and family wait for you. you take a seat, as lily places down the double stacked round cake she made for you. she lights up the number shaped candles. as soon as they are lit everyone starts to sing happy birthday to you. it was almost perfect, you just wish your boyfriend could have been here for you. the song comes to an end, and you hear your friends cheer as you blow the candles out. “happy birthday y/n!” your friends say as they get handed plates of cake, you give them a wide smile before eating your first bite of cake.

the party comes to an end, most of your friends and family have left. except for james, lily, remus and peter they haven’t left yet. they stayed back to talk to you for a little but, it’s getting late and they all have finally decided it’s time to go home. “are you okay?” lily whispers as she hugs you goodbye. “yes i’m fine! i promise.” you laugh, trying to reassure lily and keep her concerns at bay. “okay.” she shakes her head, she lets go and waits for the boys to say their goodbyes. “i’m sorry sirius didn’t show up.” james speaks for them, awkwardly. you smile, shaking your head “it’s okay.” but you see remus and peter shake their heads. “it’s not!” they state at the same time. “we’ll talk to him.” peter states, seriously. you smile softly. “okay.” you say as you go to hug each of them goodbye. they all say a few more goodbyes as they walk out the door.

you’re alone now. you take a breath and slump back into your couch. just looking around your living room thinking sirius never showed up. you hear your phone ring, you know it’s sirius calling to apologize. you answer the phone “hello?” a second later sirius answers with a loud “hello!” and there’s a small pause before sirius awkwardly coughs. "hey! i'm sorry, i didn't make it.” you don’t know what to say to sirius, you really don’t feel like talking to him. you’re disappointed he didn’t show up. “i’m sorry too.” and sirius lets out a loud and maybe a little too joyful for your liking laugh. “you have nothing to be sorry for!” you pause, not knowing what to say to sirius. you sigh an “i know.” it’s quiet on sirius end, he feels guilty. “i promise i’ll stop by tomorrow.” sirius quietly promises you, but you don’t know if you believe him this time, he not good with keeping his word. “okay.” you murmur back. you and sirius have a polite small conversation about how your party went, you won’t tell him how you cried about him not showing up, you’re sure remus, peter and james will give him an earful about it. and the phone call ends with quick goodbyes and that was the moment you knew this relationship with sirius wouldn’t work.

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fourmoony · 1 month

Note

hey, you could do something with reader telling james (or poly!marauders) that you're pregnant. reader was tense and hesitant about what his reaction would be, as she thought he wouldn't like the idea

thanks for requesting!

f!reader 1k cw: pregnancy

James has his head almost inside the pot of soup on the stove, poking and prodding at it with a wooden spoon as though it may bite him, when you cross through the arched entryway of the kitchen. He turns his head over his shoulder when he hears your socked feet padding across the tiled flooring, glasses fogged up and his smile bright.

"I don't think I did it right." He tells you, forbearing a greeting all together.

His brows hook in the middle when he turns back to the pot, lips pouted just a little. You peek over his shoulder to find a simmering pot of vegetable water and find yourself biting back a smile. Sweet James, your loving and doting boyfriend, always up for a challenge. You don't have the heart to tell him there's entirely too much water and not nearly enough stock in the pot, so you rub his shoulder encouragingly, place a kiss to it, after. "Looks lovely, handsome."

It pulls a warm smile out of your boyfriend, who seems more encouraged by your words than you think he should be. He's so trusting, so loving, leads with his heart and his soul, and nothing else. He puts too much faith in you.

"Remus' never looks like this, but I s'pose thats because he does it in the slow cooker." James placates himself with a shrug, eyes back on the steaming pot.

You hum a mild agreement, pulling yourself up onto the worktop so you're facing James. He likes the company whenever he's cooking. You like the domesticity, the routine, spending time with him whilst completing a task, talking about your day, your friends. It's nice, to be so comfortable with the person you love.

"Did you write down the instructions as he was giving you them? Or are you going from memory?" You ask James apprehensively.

He doesn't reply at first, too occupied with throwing a load of raw potatoes into the pot. They drop to the bottom of the pot with a sickening thud, water splashing over the sides. James winces as a droplet catches the side of his arm and turns to you with a weary look, "From memory. He was going too fast and the landline was crackly."

There's no saving the soup now, so you allow James to continue his ministrations. You'll pretend it's even better than Remus'. Anything for James. Anything to see him smile.

"He said he hopes you're feeling better soon, by the way. Sirius, too." James adds, face dangerously close to the open flame of the gas cooker as he adjusts the heat.

You blanch. You'd mentioned feeling poorly to James yesterday morning, a little tired, a little sick, stiff, the normal beginnings of a cold. The soup makes sense, now. "You asked Remus for his soup recipe because I mentioned feeling a little poorly once?"

James nods, shrugs like it's no big deal.

You've never felt this kind of love before, the kind of care and consideration James has.

"Jamie, I'm not poorly." Your voice is a little unsteady.

You'd wanted to wait, tell him when you'd figured out how you felt about it yourself. Wanted to be sure whether this was something you wanted, something James would want. You know he's a good man, a good person with a massive heart, but you've not been together for as long as you'd have liked, you're not married, there's a list of things that could make James run for the hills and you wouldn't blame him.

But you know him. You know James Potter. He's never ran from anything.

"Well it's too late for that, I've already made the ruddy soup, now." James teases, poking the pudge of your thigh with the tip of the wooden spoon.

"James," You try to garner his full attention, away from the burning vegetable water, "I wasn't poorly."

He frowns, probably trying to pin together the phrase with the way you're acting and comes up with nothing, so he says nothing.

"I'm pregnant."

James doesn't say anything for a minute. You can't read him. Eyes wide, jaw slack, eyebrows lost in the messy tuft of his fringe. Just when you think the silence might choke you, the fire alarm sounds, loud and abrasive. It kick starts your boyfriend's brain and he grabs the nearest tea towel, motioning for you to stay put, and wafts the smoke away from the detector.

After, in the silence that follows, he leans over the kitchen sink and opens the window, turns off the stove.

"When did you find out?" He asks, voice unwaveringly calm.

Your heart slams against your rib cage, scared and begging you to run, "This morning."

James nods, "How do you feel?"

"Nauseous. Confused. Scared."

James softens, crosses the distance between you. His hands are soft on your face when he slots between your legs, eyes swimming with emotion. He smells faintly like OXO stock cubes and his normal cologne as he rests his forehead against yours and heaves a deep breath. "You wanna do this?"

"Only if you do." You answer truthfully.

"I love you, you know that?" His voice comes out hoarse, and you realise he's holding back tears.

Tears spring to your eyes, too, when you nod, "I know."

"There's no one else I'd rather do it with."

Relief washes over you like a bucket of cold water, bringing the air back to your lungs, life back to your heart. You're laughing into the kiss that James presses to your lips, giddy and excited. He presses two gentle pecks there, after, and one to your forehead.

"Holy shit I'm gonna be a Dad." He sounds awed, in disbelief.

You laugh, "Yeah. You are."

"And you're gonna be a Mum."

"That's generally how it works, babe." You say placatingly, thumbs swiping over his rounded cheeks, holding his face in place. His smile is like the sun, bright and blinding. You feel warm all over just looking at it.

"I need to phone Sirius." James announces, turning on his heel to make for the landline.

You shouldn't be surprised, not when Sirius is an extension of your boyfriend's being. So, you simply wait until you can hear James ramming his fingers against the telephone, and dump a couple more stock cubes into the soup.

He can thank you later.

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lovechar · 3 months

Text

Silver Necklace.

pairing; Regulus Black x Potter!Reader

summary; after being paired with regulus black in potions class, you manage to slowly become friends. he steals your heart and it’s only a matter of time till he breaks it.

warnings; overall just angst, bits of fluff, mentions of sex (just asking about it, no smut), making out, enemies to lovers-esque

notes; fem!reader, mean-ish(??) regulus at start, no use of y/n, kinda long fic so not proof read, ps. i know sirius is 1959 but it works out better if he’s 1960 so don’t come at me, also, i read atyd for this .. (so this is kinda influenced by that)

Every passing day, you swore your heart ached more and more. Every glance you cast over to him in the halls, passing by as if strangers when not even a couple months ago you had been laughing and confiding in each other like idiots.

He had become so lifeless in such a short amount of time. You felt as if your grasp on your once joyful life had slipped through your fingers like coarse grains of sand.

Sooner than later, you had found yourself conflicted. Battling between wanting him by your side but having your beliefs clash. Then it was revealed and all was lost. You just wish you had the strength to go on as if he didn’t exist, like you used to.

It had all started during your fifth year at Hogwarts. You normally kept to yourself, only really talking to your friends and of course the boys: James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. In all honesty, you forgot Regulus existed most of the time.

That was till you two were paired for a potions class. He was very intelligent, you must admit. But also quite snarky.

“You will each be assigned a partner and then I would like you to work together to brew a specific potion,” your Potions Master, Professor Slughorn babbled on. “You will be given a maximum time period of three weeks to complete the potion then will be graded on it.”

You sort of tuned out after that. The professor kept talking, listing out names and assigning the pairs a specific potion. Your head snapped back in his direction when he called out your name. “And . . . Regulus Black.” Your eyes met his stoic grey ones. Merlin, he looked so similar to Sirius yet so unique, you thought, holding the same dark hair and high placed cheekbones. You must admit he was very good looking.

“You all will be making a Polyjuice Potion, which you can find in page 57 of your books. The lacewing flies, I have already stewed for each of you to save time. I advise you also check your potions some evenings to make sure they’re going well. ” Walking over to a table as Regulus Black followed, you pulled out your potion making book. The boy beside you watched as you flicked through the pages, looking for the Polyjuice potion, still not uttering a word to you.

Finally, you found it. “Aha!” You mumbled as the corners of your lips quirked up slightly. After sitting in silence, you had decided to spark up conversation.

“Here’s the ingredients list. Could you get the cauldron ready while I gather the other ingredients?” Your eyes once again looked up to meet his as he muttered out a gravelly response and did as you asked.

After twenty minutes, the bell had rung commencing the end of class. You turned to Regulus to say something to him but he had already left. With a sigh, you gathered your things and headed to your next class.

You were now sitting with Lily in the Great Hall, waiting on your brother and his friends. “I’m stuck paired with Sirius’ brother for Potions. He’s barely said a word to me at all, don’t you think that’s a bit strange?” You asked the red-haired girl, while casting a gaze over the Slytherin Table. Lily had replied but her words went through your ears as you studied the black and green robes. Your eyes flickered over to Regulus Black. He sat chatting to Evan Rosier.

“There they are,” a familiar voice came, before the person owning it plunked down beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “Hi Sirius,” you gave him a tight-lipped smile. James sat across from him, beside Lily, and Remus had took a spot on the opposite side of you. “Hi Moony,” you had said when the brown haired boy ruffed your hair. “Hello to them but not to your own brother,” James frowned. You rolled your eyes playfully, “Hi James.”

The group made small talk and you (once again) tuned out. You sort of had a habit of that. Glancing around the Great Hall, your eye connected once again to your potions partner. Surprisingly, his were already set in your direction, glaring at the back of James’ head, then across to his brother. Then the grey-toned orbs clicked with your own. Hurriedly looking away, your cheeks burned at being caught staring at him. Weird, he was already watching us, you had thought. Shrugging off your thoughts, you decided to just forget about that embarrassing moment.

Trudging through the halls to potions class, you had arrived with a few minutes till class started. It was when you were gathering your things again and setting it down to the table that Regulus Black stepped over and took a place beside you. You were reminded of catching him watching your group yesterday, but quickly dismissed it.

“Hi,” you said while gathering the Polyjuice ingredients, not bothering to lift your head up to the boy. You glanced up to him with furrowed brows when you were met with no reply. He gazed down at you with a condescending look on his grey, dark eyes. “Right . . well, we should start. There’s 4 parts; we should have this done by the last class till it’s due.”

Regulus stood in front of the cauldron and you held the book in the crevice of your elbow. “It says here: Add 3 measures of fluxweed.” Grabbing the container of fluxweed, he added what was needed into the cauldron. “I don’t need you to read me out everything, I am not illiterate,” the Black brother grumbled, laced with an irritated tone. His voice was smooth and pronounced and you would’ve wished for him to speak a little more, had his words not been so unkind. It reminded you heavily of his elder brother’s; aristocratic and noble.

With a scoff, you threw the book down onto the table to the right of the boy. “Well, what do you suppose I do if you’re going to make the potion?” Regulus ignored you, not having a response to your question.

“Move.” You pushed Regulus out of the way of the cauldron, following the next step in the guide. “What do you think you’re doing?” His brows were angled down and his colourless eyes narrowed into a glare. “Well, if you won’t let me help, I’m not going to let you brew the whole thing. Who says you wont fuck it up?” “I would mess it up? God, you Potters are so obnoxious,” he spat.

“Mister Black, Miss Potter. Do we have a problem?” Slughorn asked the two of you. “No, Professor,” Regulus answered as quick as it was asked. He had reciprocated your actions, shoving you out of the way and taking control of the potion again. He grabbed your wrist in a tight, iron grip that it was almost sore. “Shut up, and do not cause another scene.” He glowered at you before finally letting go of your wrist. There was a red ring in the tracing of where he grasped your arm so roughly. You wouldn’t be surprised if it bruised.

The Marauders and you had sat in the Gryffindor common room along with one of your dorm mates, Marlene McKinnon. “Merlin, Sirius. Your brother is the biggest git I’ve ever met.” Sirius, who sat on the ground beside the fireplace, gave you a puzzled look. “Why? What’s he done?” You had explained the situation that had occurred during potions. Sirius had only replied with an ‘oh’. You rolled your eyes at the dry response but had left it at that.

Marlene spoke up from beside you on the couch. “Did you lot hear, Lucius Malfoy’s planning on joining the Death Eaters?” Her soft voice echoed through the empty common room. “He’s hardly actually going to join,” James spoke up, doubt written all over his face, “He barely left school. Only a couple years ago.”

“He was a Slytherin, them lot are the type. Horrid,” Marlene spoke again. The Death Eaters were starting to gain more members but you hadn’t thought people you knew would start joining.

Rising from your seat on the couch had caught Marlene’s attention. “Where are you going?” The bright blonde questioned you. “Just goin’ to check on Slughorn’s assignment. You want me to check yours? James, I’m borrowing the invisibility cloak.” You didn’t bother waiting for an answer before taking it.

“Yes, please. Thanks mate.” She flashed you a beaming smile and you exited your house’s common room.

It was late now and you were unsure if it was even a good idea leaving the common room at this time. The prefects were probably done their patrol by now, leaving just you and creepy old Filch wandering the halls alone. It was fine though, he wouldn’t be able to see you with the cloak on.

“Lumos,” you whispered, holding your wand out as the cloak draped over your lower arm. The tip of your vine wood wand came alight in a blue-white colour, brightening the hall for you to be able to roam freely with vision.

It wasn’t long till you navigated your way to the Potions class, carefully pushing the door ajar so that it wouldn’t let out it’s usual croaks. Upon stepping inside, your—well, James’ actually—invisibility cloak was thrown off and ditched onto the cold tiles of Slughorn’s classroom.

Stepping further into the classroom, majority of the room was dark, aside from a corner where your cauldron happened to be. An illuminating light, that appeared to be the Lumos charm, lit the crevice of the room. A dark figure stood with it’s back to you. Would it be too late to slip back on the cloak and run back to your dorm?

The answer to that was already decided when the figure spoke as it turned to your direction, “Who’s there?” It appeared to be the younger Black brother. When your eyes had met, his face quickly turned to a scowl.

“Oh, just you, Potter.” His voice seemed to be laced with venom when he had spat your surname. “What are you doing here?” You asked, cautiously stepping up to the cauldron and the angsty boy. Peering into the cauldron, your potion seemed to be doing fine. “What does it look like? Someone has to check on it, seeing as you don’t.” Regulus’ tone was harsh. You scratched the back of your head and walked over to another cauldron; Marlene and her partner’s. The boy just watched you as you checked if hers was going well.

“Sorry, I just forgot. You were the one who was so sure that you didn’t need my help anyway.” He just ignored your comment. “Listen, you can check on it on Thursday and I’ll check on it Saturday. We’ll keep watching it every two nights, taking turns. Alright with you?” He pondered for a minute over your decision before agreeing to it. “Alright.”

You walked into the great hall, venturing over to the Gryffindor table and taking a seat between Peter and James. “Morning,” you greeted, it being followed with repetition. “Big quidditch game this Friday; first of the season. You all coming to watch?” James asked to the group. “Obviously, when have I missed one,” you grinned up to him. You took pride in showing up to support him for his matches. He is your big brother, of course. “Who’re you playing?” Sirius questioned. “Ravenclaw,” James replied with a smirk.

“Pity, Sirius, that you got kicked off the team. You were probably the best beater we had, alongside Marlene,” you recalled. “I know, but I deserved it.,” Sirius groaned. A remorseful grin was evident on his face, recollecting the memory. “Of course, you deserved it after what you tried to do to Sev.” Lily had an angry frown on her face.

“Don’t know why you even hang out with that freak anyway,” Remus taunted. James joined the conversation again, “He’s pure evil.”

As Lily argued with the elder boys to defend her best friends name, you could feel eyes burning into the back of your head. You sat facing the Hufflepuff table, so the Ravenclaw and Slytherin tables were behind you. Glancing over your shoulder, you were encased in an uncomfortable sense of eye contact with Regulus Black himself. His eyes widened a little from their previous narrowed glare when yours connected but he glanced away just after.

The day had gone quickly. It was already noon, meaning it was time for Potions, seeing as it was a Wednesday. Marlene and you had headed together to class, arriving and taking your places at your own designated cauldrons. The black haired boy was already there.

“Have you started the next step?” You had asked, standing beside him and opening the textbook onto the right page again. “No, I need you to crush two lacewing flies.”

And, that’s how the rest of your potion classes with Regulus Black went. Just loitering alongside him and aimlessly following any instructions he would give you in silence. To your content, he hadn’t said anything patronising to you. But he hadn’t said anything to you, conversation wise either. That was, till the one today. You had been measuring out the bicorn horn, getting ready to crush it to a powder, when Regulus spoke up. “I’ve noticed how well Sirius and your little gang get along.”

You raised your head to look up at him with a ‘hm?’. “I’ve never saw him smile or laugh as much as he does with your lot in my entire life,” he continued. “Well, he is best friends with James,” you had piped up, slightly bemused on why he was bringing this up. He had refused to look at you, instead staring down into the brewing and bubbling potion. “Ah yes, I forgot about my replacement.” If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought he had a tinge of jealousy or resentment in his voice. Why would he be jealous?

“I wouldn’t call him a replacement. Sirius thinks highly of you, even if he doesn’t show it,” you had attempted to reassure him. This resulted in an irked scoff and finally, his eyes had met yours for the first time this whole class. “Thinks highly of me? That’s a proper joke. He doesn’t give a toss about me, seeing as he attempts to abandon me with our overbearing parents each Christmas and Summer. I’m sure he’s told you all about our loving mother.” His voice was edged with so much sarcasm and bitterness you could drown in it. His last words held a sardonic tone and made you feel tense. You didn’t know what to say, so you decided on not uttering a word.

It had been 2 days since your last conversation with Regulus Black. Luckily, it had been a Thursday, so you didn’t have to be in his grudgeful presence till Monday which was the last day anyway for this stupid project.

Once again, you had stolen James’ cloak, heading out after hours when all the prefects had already done their checks. It was your turn to watch over your potion. When Slughorn said that the students should look over their potions in the evenings, he probably didn’t intend to do it this late, but it was more fun like this. A twinge of excitement erupted in your chest thinking about it. You were nearly finished after weeks of begrudgingly stirring, chopping up and grinding ingredients and following orders.

Stepping soundlessly into the room, you crept over to the cauldron belonging to you and Regulus. You stirred the sludgy mixture with a tinge of disrelish, nearly gagging from how repulsive it was. You were unaware of the presence who joined you in the room mere minutes after; inching towards you, feet not making a squeak against the shadowy tiles.

After concluding that your assignment was going fine, you had turned to head back to the Gryffindor dorms. Your heart jumped and you let out a quiet, shocked gasp. A man stood behind you. Upon seeing his face, your shoulders relaxed and eyebrows twisted into a frown—although, not genuinely cross. The corners of his lips pricked up into a grin (which looked like he was attempting to conceal) before falling back to their normal, neutral position.

“Merlin, Black. Nearly gave me a heart attack there,” you lightly scolded. “Why’re you here? It’s my day to check.” He walked past you over to the cauldron, arms brushing and you felt a light rush of breeze. He was now standing to your right and you turned to face him once again as he spoke, “Couldn’t sleep. I decided to check on the potion, there isn’t much else to do in this bloody castle.”

You had replied with a mere ‘oh’. He gazed into the potion for a minute, then his eyes met yours. Embarrassingly, you scrambled to pick up your wand, then walked over to the door to grab the cloak that lay sprawled out on the floor.

“Are you in a rush?” His looming voice echoed through the room. You hesitated before replying, “No.” His next words had sprung some surprise in you, but you tried to not show it on your features; instead, aiming for a calm expression. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

After reluctantly contemplating the scenarios in your head of what he was trying to get at with this—possibly trying to attack you in a more secretive place, no one would catch him. No, that’s silly. If he wanted to attack you he would’ve already done it. Plus, he isn’t pure evil like ‘Snivellus’ Snape; and he would have no reason to ambush you—you agreed: “Alright.” His expression seemed to slightly change to a aplomb manner.

Following Regulus and sauntering through the halls together, some minutes in pure silence, some in light chatter, you both had managed to end up in the Hogwarts Astronomy Tower. The previously harsh wind settled to a leisurely breeze. Regulus had mimicked your actions, leaning against the metal railings of the tower. The whole atmosphere held a sort of serenity you felt that you’ve never experienced before; you were friends with the Marauders, of course, and nothing was ever tranquil with them boys.

Your gaze had flickered over to the boy beside you. His long, black hair was moving delicately in the zephyr. It reminded you of gentle waves moving through the ocean, but you then realised that was a silly comparison. You never really took your time to observe Regulus Black. His face was strongly chiselled—almost as if he was carved by that muggle, Michelangelo—elegant looking, really. He looked similar to Sirius, just younger and with his own distinctive characteristics.

Looking away as to not get caught staring like before, you realised you were both basking in silence for a few minutes. That was until you looked back to him and noticed Regulus’ dubious conscience to break it. Finally, he spoke. “I’m—Sorry for freaking out in potions the last day,” he blurted out in a weak whisper. “Wha-” I replied, confused for a second before speaking again—as so he didn’t feel sheepish. “. . It’s fine.”

‘Serenity.’ You could almost laugh if you were alone right now. How ironic, the thought of the once calm atmosphere being shrivelled up and thrown out like paper, replaced with this unbearably silent tension. “Sirius meant the world to me, growing up. He was like a hero, in my eyes,” Regulus’ voice was more clear now, and he let out an airy laugh in spite of himself. “Merlin, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t even want to—”

“No. It’s alright.” Your voice was firm, encouraging him to continue; and so he did. “I-We—We did everything. Now, he does it all with James. Wont even spare me a glance in the halls, during breakfast.” His voice trailed off and he went silent again.

His eyes haven’t met yours in a while and you were guessing they might’ve been glossy, and he’d have been embarrassed if they were. “Regulus. Your brother, Sirius. He loves you, so much more than you’d think. He just . . doesn’t express it well. He doesn’t know how to. It’s spiteful. He just feels different from you; always going on about how you’re the golden child and he’s the black sheep.” Black sheep of the Blacks. Ironic, yet again.

You both savoured the silence for a few minutes, settling on cherishing the midnight sky and how the starts shimmered like glitter. Regulus decided to change the topic, “Did you know, my family are all named after astrology, stars, constellations and all? Most, anyway; my ancestors must’ve been interested in sabaism.”

His appealing voice caught my attention and I turned to glance at him. “Really? Is Regulus one?” He adorned a small smile now. It was refreshing after being caught for days in his usual tempers. “Yes. My father’s called Orion. That’s a constellation. Sirius, the dog star. Orion’s dog.”

You listened attentively as he rambled on. “My cousin, Bellatrix, named after a star. Andromeda’s a constellation. I can go on further but we’d be here all night.” His silvery eyes shone in the night sky—it was majestic—and met yours, accompanied with a glowing smile on his sharp traits. You just returned the smile.

“You know, you’re quite alright, Potter.” This took you by surprise. Regulus Black (sort of) complimenting you? You’d have never thought the day would come. With a light laugh and smug but suppressed grin, you replied: “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself, Black.” This persuaded a chuckle to slip past his pink lips. It was a deep, short laugh.

Letting a few more minutes pass up in the astronomy tower, you both had now agreed to head back to your common rooms. Now walking down the halls with the tips of your wands lighting the way, you had been making small talk with the boy.

How unexpected this whole situation was. If you had told yourself a week ago that you’d be wandering the halls past midnight with Regulus Arcturus Black, you would’ve been in disbelief.

James’ invisibility cloak was draped casually around your shoulders. The pale moonlight shone through the windows of the castle, painting streaks across Regulus and your faces’ each time passing one.

“You know,” you paused for a minute before continuing. “You’re welcome to stay with my family and I over Christmas.” You noticed the conflicted look on his face upon hearing your words, but nevertheless, kept talking. “I’m sure my parents won’t mind. James has Remus over each year, and Sirius when he can. You’d be able to spend more time with your brother.”

He let out a mockingly amused snigger. “I think my parents would go mental if they found out both their heirs have gone rebel.” You let out a small giggle with this but then your lips settled to a gentle, closed smile. Regulus seemed to mirror your actions and you had settled into a comfortable silence again.

Till, of course, that was broken once again. But this time, not by you nor Regulus. “Who’s there?” A gruff voice echoed behind you both from past the corner of the long corridor. Shit! You had completely forgotten about Filch. Giving Regulus a panicked look—to which he shot straight back—you quickly whispered: “Nox,” and extinguished the light from your wand. Regulus had done the same so now you were both lost in the dark halls of Hogwarts, only having the blue-toned moonlight as a source to see as it glimmered off your silver bracelet.

Unexpectedly, the cloak was stripped from your shoulders, leaving a slightly cold breeze in its place. “What are you—” You whisper-screamed to Regulus but you were interrupted when his dainty fingers wrapped around your face, his palm covering your mouth.

He gave you a stern look, as if to say, ‘just shut up and trust me,’ and so you did. He threw the cloak across the two of you, backing you up against the wall (nearly knocking a painting down in the process).

Under the cloak, it was darker than before and quite stuffy. You had never shared the cloak with someone else like the Marauders did, so you weren’t used to this. Your hands reached up and removed the hand splayed across your lips. Your position was also uncomfortable, being pressed up against the wall with Regulus towering over you. It seemed like all your senses were heightened.

One arm was just above your head, holding himself up and he brought the other in between you both to hold up his wand. “Lumos,” he said in a sotto voice. The light was dimmer than usual but lit up between both your faces.

Footsteps approached. Filch was drawing nearer and nearer. Your eyes connected to his and in this lighting, you had realised how small the proximity between you really was, causing a small pink to tint your cheeks. It seems as he noticed too, as the sharp corners of his cheekbones were softened by a dull rouge.

It was as if you were inspecting him under a microscope. All his features were so close to your reach; all displayed right in front of your eyes. Eyes. His had a thin lining of artic blue around his pupils which you only discovered by being this close to him. They stared right back at you and you felt the blush crawl all through the back of your neck and hung high on your cheeks. “What are you gawping at?” His tone was soft yet also appeared harsh. Guess he’s still the same Regulus. “Sorry.”

Merlin, time drove so slowly when you were waiting for it to go. You felt hot and self-conscious under Regulus’ gaze, but attempted to shrug it off. I’m sure he’s just as embarrassed of this situation as you felt. Thinking back to what you said earlier, elegant was an understatement; this boy was angelic.

After what felt like forever, Filch finally came creeping down the corridor. Your body made sure you were aware of your heightened rubatosis as Filch drew closer. Regulus and you had waited with baited breath as he passed. Your eyes followed Filch from behind Regulus but it seems his never left you. Luckily, he didn’t suspect nor notice you two at all—well, how could he when you were both under the invisibility cloak.

Once he had turned the corner, both of you had collectively let out a sigh (one you didn’t even know you were holding in). Regulus had waited a small bit longer—probably just incase Filch comes back—and then stepped away from you. The invisibility cloak fell to your feet, and you hesitantly disconnected the eye contact to pick it up. You were sure your cheeks were still rosy as you could feel the heat still burning from them.

The rest of the journey back was glazed over with a tense, suffocating silence. You didn’t know what to say after that and you doubt Regulus did either. Eventually, you had reached the changing staircases. “Goodnight,” you bid him goodbye as you treaded up the stairs to Gryffindor’s common room.

Turning your back away from him and following up the staircase, you had heard a small ‘goodnight’ come from Regulus. That night you had went to bed with ruddy cheeks and a buzzing in your stomach.

It was the day that your potion assignment was due and frankly, you were quite nervous about it. You had desperately hoped you’d get a good grade, seeing as you really had tried with this project, and the amount of time spent on it.

Marlene walked alongside you out of Transfiguration. “Godric, Professor McGonagall really has it out for me,” she complained, her brows furrowed and whiny. “What makes you think that?” Your blonde friend had nearly answered before you even questioned her, “She always gets cross when something goes wrong for me, but she just loves bloody Dirk Cresswell. Never gives out to him,” she sneered. You both made your way to the Potions classroom. “Think it’s because I’m half-blood.”

You let out a defeated sigh, “Marlene, you do realise Professor McGonagall is half-blood too . .” Her annoyed expression fell and Marlene just replied with an ‘oh’.

Slughorn was now going through the room, grading each potion. You heard a couple ‘acceptable’s, two ‘exceeds expectations,’ one ‘outstanding’ and even three ‘poor’s. Once your potion was graded, you were dismissed from the class.

You waited anxiously with Regulus standing beside you. Neither of you had said anything yet; you were far too nervous to, and still a little embarrassed from the other night. You would’ve hated to have spent 3 weeks on this just for it to turn out to be shit.

At long last, Professor Slughorn stood infront of you both, peering into the small cauldron. “Outstanding, Miss Potter and Mister Black. Well done, you’re both dismissed.”

Your lips twisted into a proud grin, but you puffed out a small flow of air, trying to keep the grin in that just grew wider. Following Slughorn’s orders, you had rushed out of the classroom and headed a little down the halls from the class.

“Wait, Potter,” you heard in that oh-so-familiar voice. Turning around, you faced Regulus Black with a wide smirk. “Yes, Black?” He swiftly caught up to you, towering over in front of you again. “I just wanted to say, good job. Wouldn’t mind working with you again, as partners.” He let a smug grin adorn his lips. “Thanks. That wouldn’t be too bad, I suppose.” You flashed him a pearly-white smile, before turning back and continuing to walk down the halls.

It had been a few weeks since you were graded in potions and much to your content, Regulus Black and you had grown closer. You would even dare call yourself friends with the boy. Your brother was a little skeptical about the friendship—as well as Sirius, and the other two Marauders too—but you assured them it was fine.

Speaking of Sirius, his birthday had passed and Lily, James, Remus, Peter and you had arranged a little ‘Sweet-Sixteen’ birthday for him. It was a fun little get together, only consisting of a few friends.

The cool breeze flowed gently through your hair. “You know, I don’t really see why you’re friends with all them horrid boys. Like seriously, Barty Crouch, Evan Rosier, even Snape. Cop on, Black.” You both sat on the course ground of the Astronomy Tower. He let out a breathy laugh, “You think I’m friends with Snape? Not even people in my house like Snape. His only friends are Mulciber and Lily Evans.”

He continued to talk, defending his friends, “and, who do you suppose I be friends with? Xenophilius Lovegood? He’s an odd one.” You let out a strong laugh, tossing your head back before looking to Regulus. Regulus smiled back at you as you laughed. “Poor guy, he’s quite nice actually,” you backed up the Ravenclaw boy.

“Yes! Come on, James!” You screamed, throwing your arms up in celebration as your older brother threw the quaffle into a hoop, marking his third goal for Gryffindor. You didn’t mind all the judging looks you earned.

Gryffindor was currently in the lead against Slytherin thanks to James. The commentators voice boomed through the air as each player whizzed past, doing their part for the team.

“And another ten points for Gryffindor!” The crowed around you roared, cheering proudly for their team. “If we keep this up,” Lily said, “we’ll be in the final in no time.” You just nodded to her, eyes still following the quaffle being passed around.

Twenty minutes passed, Slytherin had scored two goals and Gryffindor, one. “What’s that?” The commentator asked rhetorically, “Regulus Black, Slytherin’s seeker has just secured their win, catching the Golden Snitch!” Once again, the Gryffindor crowd went wild, everyone being shocked seeing as how well we had this in our grasp.

Although you were from Gryffindor, you were still just as happy for Regulus being able to win the match. You would’ve even cheered for him—like you do when he’s not playing your team—but you probably would’ve gotten disowned from your own house.

‘James isn’t going to be happy with this,’ you thought. You made your way down and back to the castle, waiting for James and the rest of the boys in the Gryffindor common room.

After waiting for fifteen minutes, they all trudged in, tired and grumpy. You walked over to your brother. “Well done, James! You played so well, tough luck though,” you smiled to him, hoping he wasn’t in too much of a mood. “Thanks,” he ruffled your hair with his sweaty palm, grumbling the reply. “Merlin, you’re so sweaty. Get off me!” You playfully shoved him away, earning a grin from him.

You headed out from the common room and made your way through the halls. Eventually, you reached the Slytherin common room. Leaning against the wall beside the door, you were waiting for someone to head in or come out so you could ask for Regulus.

It took a couple minutes before you spotted Evan Rosier coming your way. “Rosier! Perfect,” you exclaimed as he walked up to the door. “What are you doing here?” His voice was cold but it didn’t seem intentional, instead genuinely asking why. “Would you do me a favor and get Regulus, please?”

He waited for a minute and contemplated his options. “He’s probably fairly busy with his win. But if I do?” You rolled your eyes. Merlin, are all Slytherins so greedy? “Really?” You puffed out a sigh, “I’ll . . do your Ancient Runes homework.” “Deal,” he replied with a grin, “Thanks Potter.”

The blonde headed into the common room and later returned with the dark headed boy a couple minutes after. Regulus wandered out past the door and you stepped up to greet him, Rosier heading back into the room.

“Reg!” You smiled to him, gaining one back. “Well done. I can’t believe you managed that, we were going so well.” You folded your arms across your chest and stood in front of him. “What can I say? Being a great seeker just runs in my blood.” That bit was quite true; his cousin, Narcissa Black was Slytherin’s best seeker, your generation would say so anyway.

“Oh, shut up, you snob,” you giggled. He just held a content smile on his face. “Also . . I have a proposal,” you started. His eyebrow quirked up suspiciously at this, “I’m not sure I should be scared or not.” You flashed a beaming smile again. “No, no. It’s not anything bad,” you reassured him.

He listened contently as your proposed your idea, “I was wondering . . if you’d be able to convince your parents to let you stay at Hogwarts during Christmas break? We could hang out more and you wouldn’t have to put up with them. ” You bit your lip anxiously as you waited to hear what he had to say. His expression didn’t reveal his reactions at all. It was nerve wracking.

He scratched the back of his head, furrowing his brows a little with an unsure smile, “Uh, I’m not sure if they’d let me.” Your face must’ve fell because his eyes widened a little and he quickly spoke again. “Not that I don’t want to—of course. I’ll still ask,” he smiled at you, trying to reassure you he wanted to stay too. “I’ll tell them there’s going to be extra quidditch practices and I need to stay.”

You smiled at him gratefully. “Thanks, Reg. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know.”“No, I do,” he quickly shot back. “No promises though.” You just chuckled, “Alright.”

And so, you spent Christmas break at Hogwarts with Regulus Black, instead of returning home with James, Remus and Sirius.

This was your first time spending Christmas at Hogwarts; there was barely anyone there. You noticed how empty the halls were compared to normal. It was nice though, calming.

The dull winter light shone through the windows of your dorm. It was extremely quiet. You didn’t think you’d miss how loud the girls would be in the mornings till you woke up alone in your dorm room.

It wasn’t long till you were dressed in your own clothes, happy that you had an occasion for not wearing your robes, and ready to head to the Great Halls. Upon arriving, you had realised that you were one of three students in Gryffindor who stayed at Hogwarts (or atleast, was awake and getting breakfast at the Hall).

You sat down at your house table and placed a slice of toast on your plate. The bench creaked as someone sat beside you. Looking up while taking a bite from your toast, you smiled, seeing Regulus sit beside you. “Morning, Reg.”

He greeted you back, grabbing some food for himself and placing it onto his plate. “This is the Gryffindor table. If one of your Slytherins saw you here, they’d never let this go,” you teased. He just shoved you playfully before stuffing a slice of toast in his mouth. “Not very prim and proper for a Black.” You let out a small giggle as he gave you a sidelong glance.

After making light chat to your Slytherin friend, it was a couple hours later now and you had been granted permission to head to Hogsmeade.

The ground was littered with light snow and it looked like a pristine, white blanket from a bird’s eye view. Your arms were wrapped around Regulus’ waist and your head lay gently on his back shoulder, peering down at the ground as you giggled and marvelled at everything. Regulus wasn’t talking much but, neither were you, instead being too busy gazing at the forests and rivers down below.

You landed down just a few metres away from Hogsmeade, Regulus letting you off the broomstick first before getting off himself. “That was fun,” you smiled. You weren’t used to riding your broomstick much, seeing as you don’t play quidditch so you didn’t have much use of it. “Yeah.”

The snow was crunchy under your boots as you both strolled into the High Street of Hogsmeade. “I need to get some things,” you told the boy, “I’ll catch you later. I’ll meet you at the Three Broomsticks.” He just nodded, carrying his broom by his side. “Alright. Half an hour sound good?”

Regulus went on his way as you trotted down to Honeydukes. You weren’t sure what to get everyone as gifts so you decided upon this. You already bought James a new quidditch set as the one at home was all battered and bruised up. You had bought Sirius some new cologne he had been talking about—that you assumed he only wanted because Remus had complimented it a while back—and you had got Remus a few books about magical creatures. Peter would like a box of chocolate frogs from Honeydukes, seeing as they were his favourite.

You had also got things for Lily, Marlene and the other girls. But you just couldn’t decide what to get Regulus. You decided to leave it and that you’d figure something out.

Honeydukes was a cosy little shop located in the centre of Hogsmeade. You entered the shop, alerting the shopkeeper with a small ring from the bell. Rows and rows of sweets were piled up all the way to the ceiling on teal-turquoise shelves. This really was a sweet tooth’s heaven.

“Ah, Miss Potter, how can I assist you?” The shopkeeper greeted. “Hello!” You sent him a charming smile, “Could I get a box of chocolate frogs, please.” The shopkeeper was lovely, helping you and even wrapping it up for you in a delicate, silver wrapping paper. You thanked him on your way out.

Now, time to find Regulus something. You wandered through Hogsmeade till you approached a shop supplied with quidditch items. Peering through the window, the newly released, Nimbus 1009 laying gleaming in its spot. A new broom, of course! You knew that being a Black meant he could probably afford as many of these as he’d like, but it’s the thought that counts.

It had now been half an hour since you last saw Regulus and you sat alone at a wooden table by the fireplace, sipping away at your butterbeer. A small bell jingled as people entered and your head raised, waiting for Regulus to come. You’d already bought a butterbeer for him, and it sat longingly across from you on the table.

Once again, the bell had rung. In entered your friend, taking a seat across from you. “Finally,” you huffed, “took you long enough. We said half an hour.” He rolled his eyes and grinned, taking a swing from the drink in front of him. A small cream moustache lay across the top of his lips till he licked them, then spoke, “Oh shush. I’m only five minutes past, thanks for this.” He gestured to the butterbeer, drinking some more.

After finishing your beverages, you and Regulus had headed back to Hogwarts. Regulus had flown you both back on his broomstick once again and you were back in no time; flying was much quicker than taking the path over to Hogwarts.

You woke up, rubbing your eyes and yawning—still slightly tired. Then you shot up from your bed. It’s Christmas! You hurriedly ran to get changed and rushed down to the great hall.

Regulus was already seated at the Slytherin table. Once he spotted you, a friendly smile broke out alone his features. You were quick to fire one back, darting over to where he sat. You plunked down across from the boy.

“Merry Christmas, Reg!” You cheered, feeling giggly and excited. “Happy Christmas,” he smirked back. He looked far more posh today than normal. His jet-black hair was swept back with more gel and he held a more presentable, Black family look today—if that makes sense.

You both shared light conversation over breakfast, agreeing to share presents tonight at the astronomy tower. You both had received letters and gifts from family, opening them together at the dining table. The whole day was spent with Regulus, but you didn’t mind, you enjoyed his company. ‘It’s so strange how I once thought he was an absolute prick—not even too long ago as well,’ you thought to yourself.

It was now half-past eight and Regulus was waiting for you on the astronomy tower, leaning on the rails holding a small box in his hands. You reached the top of the tower, finding Regulus standing which his back to you.

You walked up to him, the broom clasped behind your back—trying to conceal it, but that’s a bit hard seeing as it’s a whole broomstick. “Reguluss,” you purred, catching the attention of the boy. He turned around with a grin and you could say you were equally as excited as him. He also held something behind his back with one hand, not letting you see it.

“Open yours first,” you smiled, handing over the present to him. It was quite obvious what you got him. You weren’t the best gift wrapper. “I wonder what it is,” he sardonically chuckled, unwrapping it and seeing that it was the newly released broom.

His eyes met yours and his smile stretched up to the bottom of his cheeks. “Thank you, shit, I didn’t expect this one. This is brand new, Merlin’s beard, not even my parents would buy me something like this.” You smiled at him and he placed the broom to the ground before scurrying forwards, coming towards you.

You weren’t sure what he was doing till his arms wrapped around your waist and he spun you around. You gripped his shoulders, looking into his eyes. “Regulus! Put me down,” you giggled loudly.

After spinning you lightly, he placed you down, keeping one hand still on your waist—which made your cheeks heat up, but it wasn’t noticeable in the dim lighting—but bringing the other between you. On his palm, a small, forest green box. “For you, m’lady.” He held a small grin on his face, and you just let out an airy laugh at him. “Thank you, good sir,” you replied, picking up the box.

Unwrapping the thin golden ribbon around it, inside the box revealed a silver necklace, a charm on it that read your name. “Regulus . .” you marvelled at it, taking it out from the box. “It’s gorgeous.”

He smiled gently at you, taking it from your grasp and walking around you. You eyed him as he passed, feeling his presence right behind you. “Can you move your hair?” He asked, and you pulled it together and held it to the side as he wrapped the necklace around your neck with delicate hands.

“Thank you,” you murmured, a faint blush on your cheeks upon feeling his hand brush the rear of your neck. The stroke of his fingers sent goosebumps tingling down your spine. A strange eruption of tickles could be felt in your stomach, like butterflies.

He stood behind you for a moment before you turned around to face him, showing the necklace sitting high upon your collarbones. Your cheeks were still pink, you knew as you could feel the slight burn of them.

The distance between you both was thin, you could faintly feel his breaths. His icey, storm grey eyes peered down at you, flickering along the plains of your face. You felt small under his brooding stare.

He looked like he was conflicted, eyes switching from your eyes to down your face. You matched his actions unconsciously.

Before you knew it, Regulus leaned in, closing the gap between the both of you. Subconsciously, you closed your eyes and mirrored his actions. You felt his lips graze yours lightly, not fully touching. Oh, them lips. How soft and plump they felt.

And then, he pressed them against yours. It felt magical (which is ironic, considering you were living in the Wizarding World). Your lips moved in sync. Regulus’ other hand moved to hold the opposite side of your waist, pulling you a little closer to him.

Your hands flew up to place themselves on top of his chest. After a few more kisses, you pushed away, gasping for air but trying not to show it. “Reg—” You started but was quickly cut off by him. “Don’t say anything. I’m sorry,” your eyebrows furrowed at the boy but he wasn’t looking, instead looking down at his shoes.

“I shouldn’t done that.” One hand was brought up to his mouth and he slid his fingers across his lips, wiping them off. “Wha—What?” You asked. “No, it’s alright,” you assured him. “I . . . I liked it.” Your fingers fidgeted behind your back and as soon as his stormy eyes, whipped up to meet yours, you sent him a small, closed smile.

It was only now that you had finally realised how you felt about the boy. The way your heart fluttered every time he smiled at you. The delicious ache in your chest you got every time you laughed with him or he laughed because of you. You’d fallen for Regulus Black—and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

The proximity between you two had decreased as you stepped closer to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, fingers settling to play with the baby hairs at the nape of his neck. You placed a gentle kiss on his lips once again; then one on each side of the corner of his lips. They twisted into a grin. But not a mischievous one, this time, an endearing one that made your stomach flutter.

Everything going on at this moment made your stomach flutter. “Would you . . . want to be my girlfriend?” Hesitation was evident in his voice. You could almost giggle at how cute you thought he was when he was shy. “Of course, Regulus.” You both shared a smile and the corner of his eyes crinkled.

This time, you leaned forward, initiating the kiss. Your mouths slotted together and his hands slid further across your waist till you were completely in his arms. It was obvious, feeling him grin against you with your lips pressed together and next thing you knew, you were being spun around, causing you to erupt into a fit of giggles.

It was now coming towards the end of June. Christmas break was now long past and you and Regulus had been going out for almost six months. You didn’t bother keeping it a secret, and Regulus’ pals didn’t mind so much—only considering you were pure-blooded. Not keeping it hidden doesn’t mean you went prancing around letting everyone know. Also, it doesn’t mean you wanted Sirius to find out on his own . .

You were sitting in the Gryffindor common room one night. The girls had already gone off to bed but you decided to stay up a little bit longer with your brother and his friends.

Of course, Peter had already gone to bed as well as Remus leaving shortly after. They were so preoccupied with their exams and having good sleep for them. But, they were doing their O.W.L.s, so you understand why they were so stressed and pressured to do well. Sirius never bothered with exams, so he didn’t mind staying up. Naturally, he dragged James along with him to stay in the common room.

You lay, sprawled across the couch, legs sitting on top of Sirius’ and James stood by the fireplace. You were getting tired. Your eyelids struggling to keep themselves open in the cosy heat the fire provided.

That was till Sirius blurted out: “Are you shagging my brother?” As if it meant nothing. James’ head whipped over to look at Sirius as fast as yours did. Eyes blown wide and mouth gone dry all of a sudden, you stumbled over a response. “I—What.” Your cheeks were scarlet red and burning with embarrassment.

“You heard what I said,” Sirius shrugged nonchalantly. “Sirius! No, I’m not.” James hadn’t said a word, still staring at Sirius with a gaping expression. “Are you snogging Regulus?” He continued to pry with these personal questions.

You moved your legs off him, sitting up on the sofa and wrapping your arms around your knees, burying your head into your the crevice between them both. “Uhm . . . yeah,” you managed to squeak out.

Unfortunately, Sirius didn’t quite catch that, asking you to repeat yourself. “Yeah. Merlin’s beard, I was gonna tell you.” You ran your hands down your face with a discontent huff. “I’m not mad.” Sirius let out an amused laugh.

You peaked one eye past two fingers, looking at the dark haired boy. He held an entertained grin. Lowering your hands, you looked over to James who happened to have the exact same smirk plastered on his face. “Can’t believe you’ve snogged someone before our Moony,” James sniggered. “Oh, shut it.” Even though there was a slight harsh tone to your words, you sent the two boys a smirk.

“How fascinating!” You beamed at your boyfriend, lying on a slightly-damp, patch of grass as he flew not too high above you, using the broom you had gotten him. “Your birthday also happens to be our 6 month anniversary. That’s half a year!” It was two days before Regulus’ birthday.

He replied with a small chuckle. “Pity, I wont be able to see you for either,” you frowned slightly. Regulus returned to the ground, taking a seat beside you and relaxing back. “I know,” said Regulus, “but there’s nothing we can do.” You sighed, “Yeah, I guess so.”

Regulus’ birthday arrived. You hid a small, navy blue box under your bed so the other girls wouldn’t pry and nosy about. Finally, you were able to give him his present which excited you, hoping he’d like it as much as you anticipated.

And now it was time. You both decided to meet at your usual spot, the Astronomy Tower. You arrived first, waiting not too long for Regulus to show. You scurried over to him, meeting in the middle.

“Happy birthday, Reg!” You greeted him (for the tenth time today). You smiled brightly, the outer area of your eyes crinkling gently. “Thank you, doll.” The nickname made your stomach flutter delectably.

The box in your hands was brought out in front of you for him to see. He smiled to you, taking it from your hands and placing a tender kiss to your lips. “What’s this?” He asked, in which you replied: “Open it.”

He carefully took apart the bow you had done in it, lifting the lid off the box. Inside, a jar of green, shimmery powder was placed. Regulus reached his pale hands into the box, plucking the jar from it. “Floo powder,” grinned Regulus. You weren’t sure what to make of his reaction.

“It’s so—so you can see me during summer. And get away from your family, and do what you want with it, of course.” You stumbled over your words nervously and the black-haired boy placed a peck on your temple. “I know,” he said languidly, “thanks, sweets.” Another pet name he used frequently.

His dainty fingers lifted your chin up, pulling you into him and smirking against your lips. He kissed you gently, backed off after one kiss, then leaned in again, trying to get as close to you as possible. His arms wrapped around your waist, yours pulling at his hair gingerly.

You were both practically devouring each other, not even bothering to separate for air. You accidentally tugged hard, eliciting a guttural groan from Regulus. “‘m sorry,” you mumbled, lips still grazing his. He pushed further into your face, connecting them once again.

Finally, he pulled away again. Your noses were still abrading against each other and lips softly touching as well. “I have something for you,” he whispered against your mouth, breath coming out in small puffs.

You pulled away fully now, holding onto his shoulders. He brought out his wand with one hand, muttering an ‘accio’ but you didn’t hear what he was summoning.

A petite bouquet of blood red roses and pristine white baby breath came to his clutch and he handed them over to you. “It’s . . ehm, red because your Gryffindor, and the leaves—I guess, are green. Like Slytherin.” He chuckled nervously, hand immediately going to scratch the rear of his head once you took the flowers from his grip.

Before smiling at him, you took a whiff of the flowers. They smelled gorgeous and light. “Thank you, Reg.” You leaned onto your tippy toes and gave him a peck on each cheek, then a prolonged kiss to his lips.

Summer days drifted away with the wind. It had already been two weeks into your holidays. Regulus has visited you once so far, you both going on a walk through a muggle park. He sends letters regularly. They always came sealed with a family crest stamp, and written in elegant handwriting with obsidian-coloured ink.

You wrote back as well, sealing the end of each letter with a lipstick mark (partly because you wanted to be romantic, partly because you thought it looked nice). He promised to visit you soon, and soon would be today.

The both of you were now in your bedroom. Regulus was laying down on your bed, and you were atop of him. Your mouths fit like jigsaws and your tongues danced gracefully. Silent moans slipped from each others lips every once in a while. It was bliss, you thought. His hands were placed on your waist, sliding up and down it gently, causing your shirt to ride up slightly in unison.

Three booming knocks came to your door and you heard James scream your name from outside the oak wood. Your eyes shot open and you scrambled off your boyfriend. “Shit.” An alarmed expression lay on his sharp features and you wish you had time to laugh at him. He hurried over to your wardrobe, trying to shove himself into the cramped space. You stifled a giggle at him and shut the door for him.

“What?” You rolled your eyes at James standing at your door, giving him a harsh glare. “Where. Is. My. Invisibility. Cloak?” He interrogated—or more so, demanded. You pushed your palm to greet your forehead, sighing heavily. With an irritated tone, you replied, “I don’t know, James. You used it last, idiot.”

He groaned, storming back over to your door. “Fine. But if you use it without asking, I—you’ll pay,” grumbled James. “You only use it to sneak out to go drinking every once in a while. Don’t blame me again, or I might just snitch on you,” you sneered. James just sent you a look, slamming the door on the way out.

“Merlin, what a cunt.” Your mood was instantly switched when you looked over to the wardrobe. “Regulus, you can come out.” Muffled words were coming from the wardrobe and you burst out laughing upon realising he was trapped in. You let him out, of course, but only after a couple laughs.

That was the peak. After that event, all went down hill. A week following Regulus’ visit, Sirius had burst into your home, looking wrecked and in disarray. He explained to James that he ran away from home. They were pressuring him to follow a path he didn’t want to walk along. Your family (including yourself aswell,) welcomed him in with open arms.

Regulus’ letters slowed and they held a sort of edge to them that you couldn’t explain. He also hadn’t used the floo powder you gifted him to visit you. You speculated his parents might’ve found it and confiscated it, but there was no evidence for that.

But when you returned to school for your sixth year, nothing felt the same. And nothing would feel the same again. The war had caused a split between people. Most older Slytherins had joined the Dark Lord, bearing a mark on their arm to show their loyalties.

The first time you saw Regulus was at King’s Cross. You boarded the train with your brother, Remus, Sirius and Peter. Watching all the new first years bid farewell to their parents, your eyes scanned across the crowds of people.

Eventually, they landed on Regulus and the Blacks walking over to the train. He bared a stoic look with his parents. His face looking paler and sharper than ever. They didn’t say much to each other upon his departure.

Once you arrived at Hogwarts, you were too busy unpacking and greeting the girls to find Regulus yet. It wasn’t long till you were able to, sharing potions class again this year. The time whizzed by, and now you stood outside the classroom, waiting for your boyfriend to exit as well.

You noticed him walk out the doors. He immediately tensed when he noticed you standing there. “Regulus.” You tried to send him a comforting smile, but it was so hard these days with everything going on around you. “Hello, doll.” The name still made your chest squeeze and brought a push of confidence in you.

You were shocked to find out how cold he seemed this year. You hadn’t expected the drastic change in his behaviour, even towards you. But you attempted to ignore it, and the slight pit you felt in your stomach upon noticing it.

Over the months, your relationship with Regulus morphed into . . . a routine. Something that consisted of arguing, making up, then saying goodbye to each other without any other conversation. Your chats weren’t filled with laughter and smiles like they used to, instead replaced with this. He did seem to be trying to return to the old Regulus you had known, just struggling.

Your last straw was one unfortunate, February night. “I’m so sick of this! Regulus. Look at me!” You were screaming out at him on top of the Astronomy Tower, your usual hangout spot.

His grey eyes met yours, furrowed angrily and slightly glazed over. Rivers of tears were already running from yours and the skin around them was red and puffed up. “You’ve changed. And I want to help you, but you’re not letting me.” The distance between you both was slim.

You rubbed your eyes, your mind attempting to tear your hands off to prevent making them even more red and sore. At your disbelief, he took a step forward, wrapping his arms around your waist. Your arms crept around his shoulders, head buried in the crook of his neck and soaking his shirt with tears. This felt faintly familiar.

“I’m sorry, doll,” he whispered in your ear. Not moving from that position, you both stood their, relishing in each other’s presence. Aside from every other argument that happened this year, this one felt different. You felt like he might actually be coming back to you. “I love you, Regulus. But I need you to return to me,” you sniffled through weak sobs. “I love you too.”

In that moment, you felt happy. This was your Regulus. The one you had grown so fond over.

But happiness can only last for so long, right?

He pushed you back slightly, looking into your eyes. Under the dim moonlight, two small remnants of streams from his tears lay down his cheeks. His hand clutched your cheek, rubbing a soft circle with his thumb. “I—I have something to show you.”

All of a sudden, guilt and shame took over his features. He pulled his arm away from your face, using it to uncover his sleeve on the opposite arm. His skin. His pale, soft, smooth, oh lovely skin, was flawed and a Dark Mark was engraved in it. A skull and a snake in black markings.

A choked out sob forced itself from the depths of your throat. A pit formed in your stomach and you shoved him back, away from you. “I—” He started, but you shouted over him. “Don’t. No. I will . . I will not stand to be with a Death Eater.”

He called your name, pleading. The only colour on his face was the burning red of his puffy eyes. “Please . . I didn’t—”

“I’m sorry Regulus.” You were sobbing now, trying to control your shuddering words. “I won’t do it. I never thought you had it in you.” Your words were laced with venom. Each one you spat felt as if you dug a knife further into the pit in your stomach. “Please! You don’t understand,” he strained. “I ha—”

“We’re done.” He didn’t say anything else. Instead, he just stared into your eyes longingly.

That was a month ago. Now, your entire relationship with Regulus, the walls he held up that you took time breaking down, were now rebuilt and more durable than ever. Whenever you saw him in potions class, or in the halls, or even during meals, most time he’d be staring at you with guilt-filled eyes.

You felt aches each time you noticed his glances, but not the aches you used to love; this time they were sore, painful, heart-aches. But you tried to push through them.

Of course, you still loved him. It was hard trying not to. But you managed to slowly distance yourself from your feelings and continue the mundane routine of being a Hogwarts student.

Your brother, Sirius, Remus, and surprisingly, even Peter had all felt the change in your attitude. Not only had Regulus turned into a hollow shell of himself, but your split had also morphed you into a duller, less joyful version of yourself. It wasn’t shocking, that that would happen. Regulus was everything to you. He was what made you enjoy your classes so much, enjoy going doing to Hogsmeade, enjoy sneaking out past curfew. Now all them memories were just . . memories. Memories that you needed to forget.

Eventually, you had managed to overcome this downfall in your life. Stepping over it and being able to return to your old self. Not constantly thinking of the boy. Happy, old you, who hadn’t a notion Regulus even existed; only knowing him as ‘Sirius’ cold, younger brother.’ But oh, how much your heart used to ache everytime Sirius entered the common room with a playful grin on his face. He reminded you so much of when Regulus used to smile at you with twinkling eyes.

The wind was chilled, blowing softly through strands of your hair. You were sitting by the edge of the astronomy tower, leaning on the rail that stood strong in front of you. The floor you sat on was frozen cold under your fingertips.

Often times, you came up here and just sat on the ledge of the rails. You liked to watch the stars when you couldn’t sleep. It calmed you, seeing as there was a war going on around you, as well as just calming any anxieties you had.

To your luck, each time you came up here, you never stumbled across a certain boy you were wanting to avoid. Speaking of . . Regulus, you had noticed he tended to disappear recently. The Slytherins were always acting mysterious, going off places, missing classes. You had a suspicion on what they were doing but, you can’t just accuse people of that.

You sighed, it was getting late and you were already too deep into your thoughts. You really should be focusing more of your time on studying for the end-of-year exams, not wasting it up here, drowning in your thoughts.

Rising from your spot, your hands were gritty from sitting on the stone. You wiped them off on your clothes before turning around and walking over to the stairs. At the top of the stairs stood a figure. Regulus stood two steps ahead of you.

His eyes were red and he made no attempt to hide it. It was silent for a moment. He then broke the silence by calling out your name. “Regulus,” you replied, voice cracking slightly. Fuck. You really did think you were over him, but now here he was in front of you again and you were already about to keel and cry.

“What do you want?” Your voice was harsh, full of bite. It was a pitiful attempt to push back your tears and replace them with anger. But you weren’t crying yet; you were merely teary-eyed.

“I’m so sorry, my love. I know you don’t want to talk to me, and I only did what you wanted. But we must now.” Your eyebrows furrowed in both confusion and resentment towards the boy. ‘What is he talking about?’ You thought. You stayed silent, letting him continue, to which he took the hint. “I—I needed to see you one last time.” One last time? He was starting to worry you. Your expression turned from one of bitterness to one full of anxiety. “Reg, what are you talking about?” Your voice was strained.

He stepped towards you, taking your shoulders between both hands. Instead of being warm and comforting like you last remembered, they were now as cold as tiles. “You need to listen to me,” you nodded your head as he spoke, “I’ve defected the Dark Lord.”

“What?” You felt as if you were out of breath, panting as he towered over you. “I never wanted to join them. My parents, they pressured me into doing it—becoming a Death Eater. That’s why Sirius ran. That’s why he ran. But I’m not strong, like him. I couldn’t abandon them, so I joined. But it’s gone too far. He’s attacking hundreds of families. It’s not right.” His eyes were gloomy and seemed a darker, thundery grey in this lighting. “Regulus-”

He cut you off, “No. No, just listen. The Order would never trust me, so I’ve found a way to help. They wont know but I have to do something.” This time, you cut him off, holding onto his forearms, “I don’t—what are you saying, Regulus.” Merlin, the tears were flowing down your face already.

He sighed sorrowfully. “I’m leaving tomorrow. Voldemort—he,” he looked away from you. “Look, I found out about a scheme he has. I intend to end it. Attempting this will cost me my life, doll. I’m so sorry, for everything I’ve done. I just need to have you one last time.”

You looked deep into his eyes, his into yours. Long floods of tears streamed from your eyes but you didn’t do anything to stop them now. Regulus leaned in and kissed you. You let him, kissing back equally as harsh.

He pulled away, tears falling from his gorgeous grey eyes. “I love you, I always have and I always will.” “I love you too,” you weakly replied. Your foreheads connected, noses touching and lips curling into each other. You kissed him once again. Passionate and desirable; as if you would never see him again, but that seemed to be the truth.

That night when Regulus left, you fell to your knees, creating small cuts in your smooth skin, breaking blood. It was the last time you saw Regulus black.

After that treacherous night, Regulus went missing from school. Whispers around school started. People spreading around that he was ‘murdered by Voldemort’ or ‘killed by one of the Death Eaters for cowardly betraying them’. You constantly had searched for them stormy blue-grey eyes in the corridors, looking desperately for them on the Slytherin table, laughing with Evan Rosier, but to no avail. He was gone—presumed dead, the Order had said—and the pit in your stomach since that night remained as you packed your belongings, ready to return home for summer break. Fiddling with the last thing you had to remember him by, the dainty silver necklace he gave you on the day you two got together.

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