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chaos-in-one · 1 year

Text

“Why are you mad that he’s getting better?”

I’m not! I’m not mad that he’s getting better, I’m so happy that he is! I was one of the first people who tried to help him realize that he’s even capable of getting better, why in the hell would something I’ve been fighting for for months be what is upsetting me?

When everything was still going downhill I fought so hard to help him. Even after the amount of pain he caused me, and caused my loved ones, I still tried my damn hardest. I believed that everyone deserves a chance to heal, a chance that he hadn’t gotten. I tried so hard to get him to understand he deserved that much, that he deserved a chance to do better, tried so hard to get him to believe that it didn’t have to be like this forever. I tried to get him to believe that even after everything he did, he was not incapable of working to be a better person, that he was not incapable of being loved or trusted. I was the one who fought for that.

Him getting better wasn’t what hurt, it was everything else.

It was that I wasn’t worth getting better for. Because what I did didn’t change anything, he still won’t even acknowledge the effort I made, he still treats it like it was all fake. It wasn’t until someone else tried to help him that he got better. And that hurts. It hurts to know that I wasn’t worth the effort.

It’s that I didn’t get to move on, too. He’s getting to move on, he gets to be better and have a better life now. I don’t. I’m still stuck hurting. I always thought that once he got better, everything would fall into place. Life would get better for everyone. But the pain, the fear, the fighting, the memories, I didn’t get to move on from any of it like he did, like they did. I’m stuck with a literal living reminder of what happened, who is there to constantly remind me of everything so that I can never, ever forget. So I never let my guard down again. And I am stuck not knowing how long I have to live like that, how long it will take for that part of my brain to realize it’s not helping, that it’s hurting me. And how much longer after that before it cares enough to change, too. And even after that, how much longer it will take for me to feel safe again, to heal.

It’s that I get to see him get all the support I practically begged and prayed for for months. When something goes wrong, when a fight breaks out, someone steps in to help him. Someone stops the situation for him. Someone is there to comfort him when he’s upset, when he’s hurting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he has that! I’m glad he gets that support! But that doesn’t make it hurt less that I never got that, during everything. When he started things before, I had to try to talk out the situation. I had to try to figure out exactly what to do to stop as much damage as possible. I had to stand up for myself almost every single fucking time. And when it hurt, when I sat there and I cried, when I panicked, I had to deal with it alone. Not only that, but I had to fucking hide it. Or I got told to suck it up, or that I had nothing to be upset about and that I wasn’t even really hurt. Or worse, if I hit my breaking point, I got encouraged to fucking go dormant. I was treated like my emotions were enough of a burden that it would be better if I didn’t exist than for anyone but me to have to deal with them in the slightest.

It’s that I have to act like nothing ever happened. I can’t act scared around him, I can’t be anything but nice, I can’t be angry or upset at everything he did. If I do I’m treated like it makes me a terrible person. I’m being an asshole to him without reason, I’m in the wrong, I’m the reason he’s struggling to get better, I’m the one who needs to be stopped and shut up. I can’t even begin to describe how much it fucking hurts to be told “I’m trying to get better but you’re making it hard for me”. And not just once either. I lost count of how many times I’ve been told that.

And the thing is, I can’t even say how much it hurts. If I do, I'm playing the victim, I’m making thing harder on purpose, I’m being manipulative again. I can’t say a fucking word about any of it because it's better to say nothing than to risk being a bad person again, risking hurting them again, risking more of them hating me.

And yet when the roles are reversed, when one of them, when he, specifically, talks about something I did wrong, I have to take it. I’m not allowed to be upset when it's being brought up, I’m not allowed to try to get anyone to stop talking about it. I get to have it rubbed in my face what I did, used against me in every single fucking argument, and I have to take it. Because what I did was wrong, I would be a bad person for doing anything else when it’s brought up. But the same isn’t true for his past actions. I’m the only one who gets to have it rubbed in my face that I fucked up, that I did something wrong, that I did something that got someone hurt

Over

And over

And over again

Until it feels to me like the weight of my own actions are suffocating me.

It doesn’t matter that I apologized over and over again for every single thing I could think of that I ever did wrong. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to be better than I was before. My actions are going to weigh on me, possibly forever, by the hands of everyone who knows of them.

And at the same time, I’m not sure I’ll ever really get an apology from him, or from any of them. There’s only two I can remember who hurt me out of all of them that apologized, and they’re both gone. They left, and they might never be coming back. And they are two of the ones who hurt me the least, and two of the ones where it was most a mutual problem, where neither was really free of fault. But the rest, especially him, I can’t remember ever getting even that from. Nor can I ever feel safe to ask for it.

It’s all expected to simply be left to scatter into the winds, like the fallout of a blast. All that’s left is to pick up the pieces of what’s left behind.

And I’ve tried, so hard. But it feels like all my pieces, all of what I have left, are drifting away. What I thought I could count on to have once it was all over, I can see myself losing. My loved ones, my ability to tell what’s right from wrong (although bits of that were lost in the blast already), my sense of self, my ability to feel like I’m even a decent person. It feels like I’m slowly getting stripped down until there’s nothing left.

And the worse part is that I can’t bring myself to believe it’s anything but self inflicted. No matter how much it hurts, or how unfair it feels, I can’t really believe any of this is any fault but my own. I can’t help but question, every day, if they aren’t right. If he really didn’t hurt me, if I really am a bad person, if I really am the problem. I’m starting to think I am. It’s hard to believe it could really be anyone but me that’s the problem. It’s left me wondering time and time again

What if he was right, and it really would be better if I just stopped existing?

But I can’t tell them any of this, can’t tell him any of this. I can’t risk it being a guilt trip again, I can’t run the risk that I’d be being manipulative again just by telling them even a small bit of this.

I’ve feared for my entire existence here, that I would end up an abuser without even realizing I have. I’m terrified of becoming like that, but every day it feels more and more like nothing I do is ever going to be good enough to make me a good enough person to not be that. Hell, every day I feel less and less like I’m a person at all. I feel like I’m a monster.

But what am I, really?

And more importantly

Do I even have any right to feel this way? To think any of this?

Or is it going to ruin everything all over again?

#vent #long vent #tw manipulation #tw abuse #tw dehumanization #personal #very personal #do not reblog #at all #please this is really personal I don't want it spreading around #comments and asks and DMs are fine thouhj #please do not talk bad about the people mentioned #I don't want them to get shit because of me #it will NOT make me feel better to shit on them it will make me feel so much worse #if you want to comfort me do it without attacking them please #also god I hope they don't find this they hardly check tumblr but they still follow me #i just didn't have anywhere else I felt safe venting #and venting to myself doesn't help like venting when i know I'm being listened to by real people does

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

Video

dailymotion

It’s heeeeere! Another summasalt, this time with nearly twice the length of the first one!

(Turns out that not having caffeine doesn’t help me talk any slower.)

Script below:

Anonymous asked:

Thoughts on Rocketear?

Can you Rocketear the newest episode apart with your salt, my beloved Salt Queen?

Penny for your thoughts on Rocketear?

Aw, anon! You can have that for free! I'm a generous goddess.

"Rocketear" begins with Chat Noir and Carapace - just Carapace, really - holding back a pack of what I presume to be the physical manifestation of the writing staff's age, or at least a representation of how behind the times the writing seems.

Just as the dinosaurs break through Shellter. Ladybug shows up with the scientist who revived the dinosaurs in the first place and said scientist uses a whistle to calm the dinosaurs down. There's also a line from Bob Roth about putting the dinosaurs in a theme park to make money and I know what it's referencing but it's so incredibly random that it doesn't really come off as a proper joke.

Carapace was notably sad right after battle, but insisted that he was fine when Ladybug asked. Rena, sporting a... - I would like to say "new design" but it's a recolor in every sense of the word - is hiding behind part of a building and smiles after the heroes before walking off. Ladybug takes Nino's miraculous back but sees that he's still upset and asks him again what's wrong. Nino asks where Alya was and Ladybug claims that she only needed Carapace for the job, which cheers him up but only until Ladybug is already gone.

Mm, I guess Nino and Adrien relate in heroism not being enough for them unless they have their respective love interest to flirt with.

Also, I know this is an obvious set-up, but the show can't tell me that Ladybug just always brought Nino and Alya whenever she needed one of them. Season 3 required her to go to Master Fu to get the miraculouses, and unless she already knew that Nino and Alya would be in the same location - which, okay, the show does basically shove the two of them together whenever Nino is onscreen, fair, if two characters are in a relationship in this show then it's weird for them to NOT be with that person - but it just seems like a gamble, not to mention proof to Shadow Moth that the two are close if Ladybug constantly brings both of them.

Anyway, Ladybug goes into the sewer and asks Rena if she's seen any sign of Shadow Moth or his traps. Rena didn't see anything and they de-transform. Marinette is about to leave when she thinks of something, but Alya assumes it's about her new look, which was apparently not voluntary on her part and the suit automatically adapted to Alya's new role as Rena Furtive, which she has now named it as.

Marinette reminds her that this is supposed to be a secret and that they agreed that the fox has no owner. When Alya is evasive about whether she told Nino that she won't be Rena anymore, Marinette stresses that everyone needs to believe that Alya won't be using a miraculous anymore so that she can remain an undercover spy.

What's the point in changing the look if you're not going to show yourself anyway? I mean, insurance, I guess, but still.

Alya, exasperated, parrots what Marinette has apparently told her before: that she helps Ladybug with Mirage in case Shadow Moth tries to follow her so Rena can follow him instead. Marinette stresses the situation again and Alya tries to get Marinette to agree on her telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, but Marinette refuses.

At Marinette's house, Alya talks further and explains that she doesn't know if she can lie to Nino since they don't keep any secrets--Alya, babe, you kept Rena Rouge from him and didn't tell him that you knew he was Carapace until Ladybug was forced to give you your miraculouses at the same time. I don't wanna hear it.

Marinette states that it's too late for that and also not technically a lie, but Alya gets upset and says that Nino will never trust her again if he finds out that she kept something from him. Marinette brings up how she had to keep secrets from Alya too, but they're interrupted by Tom appearing and wanting to play games with them. Marinette makes an excuse about homework that she's repeated many times, as Tom comments that the teachers give her too much. After Tom is kicked out - hang on, lemme just... - Marinette uses the moment to show Alya that she's lied to her family a lot and hasn't played games with her father in months. She states that there's no other option as they have to protect their identities, and Alya agrees to talk to Nino.

In Alya's room - I just presume at this point that Nino's house doesn't exist and Chris is an illusion - Alya tells Nino that they need to talk, but stammers and states that it's hard to talk about. Nino thinks that she wants to break up with him, but Alya assures that she loves him. She finally gets to the cover story that Rena herself made up in "Sentibubbler" and Nino understands, sad that she won't be around anymore but agreeing if it's what Ladybug thinks is best.

Is it weird that Nino respects Ladybug's wishes more than Alya does?

Nino hugs her and is confused by why Alya was nervous to tell him, as she can tell him anything and nothing will change their relationship. Alya feels guilty and hugs back, murmuring about how they don't have any secrets; that's not what Nino said, but sure, push this plot to its already predictable conclusion. I mean, I thought it was vaguely sweet that Nino switched to seriousness immediately when Alya said that she wanted to talk, but how am I supposed to be invested in this couple when their dynamic boils down to "STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN who wears the pants in the relationship because her boyfriend is portrayed as a wimpy coward"? Like, the show constantly dragged Nino down to make Alya look "powerful" by comparison, and then when it comes to characters like Marinette, we get a girl who works very well outside of her relationship with her endgame love interest.

It's the fakest form of "girl power," dragging guys down to raise girls up or actually making a strong girl character but having her love interest be a weakness that creates flaws in her that weren't there originally and having that love interest be who she's "destined for."

I'm rambling, sorry.

In class, Marinette assures Alya that she did the right thing and Alya agrees. As they're leaving school, Marinette talks about how their "night walks" start soon, and Alya non-subtly talks about how Rena Furtive will be on the lookout while Ladybug and Chat Noir patrol. She stops, however, as gets excited about some pictures she took of herself as Rena Furtive, which has a lot of details that Marinette hasn't seen. I don't know whether to groan at what I just heard or remind everyone that Rena Furtive is literally just a recolor and therefore this is the writers patting themselves on the back for this design, so let's just move on.

Alya then shows Marinette her phone--AUGH, MY EYES--and suggests making a poll on her Ladyblog so people can vote for their favorite Rena design. Marinette has to stress again that Rena Furtive is supposed to be a spy and thus invisible, which Alya admits that she forgot about.

Okay, I've been holding off on talking about this, but now seems like the best time to bring it up. Alya has been a trash friend as well as a trash confidant, and her role as Rena Rouge boiled down to, "it was convenient for her to be the fox at the time it was needed." She's not particularly stealthy like one would expect of a fox, and she was easily one of the worst candidates to be told Marinette's big secret. I'll get more into this later, but I have to stress that Alya has treated Marinette no differently since learning of Marinette's identity and has already gone against Marinette's orders once before at the time of this episode airing. Episodes are constantly torn between validating their decision to have Marinette tell Alya, having Marinette be worried about the decision while the show considers her to be ridiculous for it, and then having Alya either consider or make choices that clearly don't gel well with what's good for her role. Much like Marinette, she lacks a sense of self-control and--wow, a female character who's impulsive, never seen that stereotype before.

Point being, "Sentibubbler" stressed over and over that Alya was the right choice and deserved to be both the permanent fox and the understudy for guardian, but then we have "Rocketear" here where Alya is making basic emotionally-driven errors that I'm not even remotely sympathetic to when Marinette has gone through so much worse over the course of three+ seasons.

*sigh*

Alya laments that it's hard to find new content for the Ladyblog - ah, yes, tell me more about your struggles, Alya - but figures that at least she can post stuff about Chat Noir instead of--I don't know--making fake Ladybug theories to lead people off Marinette's trail. Marinette says that it's a great idea, though Alya still doesn't look too happy. The scene then rewinds to a little bit to show a different point of view, this time with Adrien and Nino. Wait, this feels familiar, wasn't there another episode that did something like--ohhhh no, this is going to hurt.

After saying good-bye to Adrien - something I wish I could do every time he's mentioned or on-screen - Nino catches the bit of conversation where Alya talks about the Ladyblog. Nino talks as if Marinette isn't there and asks Alya out to the movies because Marinette is chopped liver and this is about Alya and how sad she is, guys.

Wow, she's turning into Adrien faster and faster.

Alya hesitates, but Marinette assures her that there's still time. Alya excitedly runs off with Nino and they watch what I presume are previews given the narrator, featuring recycled footage from the Ladybug PV. Nino is upset because Rena is mentioned but not Carapace, and the preview features Rena telling Chat Noir to forget Ladybug because it's Chat and Rena herself who are trulu made for each other.

I don't know what's funnier; the complete lack of self-awareness or the suggestion that a biracial couple would exist in this show outside of a special that gives them maybe a minute of screentime and acts more like suggestive canon anyway. I think I might've been too generous with that line about dinosaurs.

Nino is offended by the preview and Alya brushes off his comments, stating that it's just a cartoon and it's made to entertain people, though Nino himself is certainly not entertained. Can't say I entirely blame him considering that Alya doesn't really try to say anything substantial or even agree with him. No cuddling or reassuring kisses, she just gets slightly sad and turns to her phone for a bit.

After the movie, Nino is cheered back up again until he catches Alya on her phone once more. He offers to take her home, but she's distracted, and he comments that what she showed to Marinette looked pretty nice; I don't know because they didn't show it. Nino asks what it was and Alya evades the question, stating that her battery is running out. Nino is suspicious, but spots Andre's ice cream cart and the two head over there. Andre calls them his favorite couple and asks what they want, but Alya sees Ladybug gesturing for her and has to run off, giving Nino a cheek kiss as she goes which feels like too little too late at this point.

Nino catches some conveniently-placed kids arguing over who Chat Noir loves, but they settle on the fact that girls in general love Chat Noir. Nino is then seen at the Seine watching the Ladyblog's latest video, where Alya is talking up how amazing Chat Noir is. I hate to stop every five seconds to complain - okay, actually I don't - but I presume this video must've been made after the movie since Nino seems like the type who would actively follow his girlfriend's blog, yet not only is this video perfectly set up to echo the kids and the movie preview, but Alya - despite apparently caring about her boyfriend soooo much that she kept trying to convince Marinette to bend the rules - didn't even try to warn Nino or text him so he doesn't take it too seriously. It's like "Sentibubbler" with the conflicting messages about identity rules; Alya cares about her boyfriend but both isn't thinking about how he'll take the things she says and apparently doesn't know him well enough to realize that he wouldn't be mad over her keeping a secret that she was told to keep. I already talked about how they play up Nino to be the emotionally weaker one of the relationship, but then they don't have Alya try to cover or make up for that. She's been acting very much not like Alya - you know, the one who in "Sapotis" practically bragged about how great she'd be at covering for Ladybug - with her stutters and weak excuses, so I can't completely blame Nino for being upset after everything that's happened when he sees the writers projecting onto Alya as she talks about how Chat Noir is brave and funny and cute and showing all these images of him as well. I don't agree with all of his actions, but--oh yeah, speaking of which--

Nino calls Adrien and is talking to him about how Alya must be in love with someone else. Adrien dismisses the idea, as Alya and Nino are together basically all the time, and asks who she could possibly be in love with. When Nino suggests that it's Chat Noir, Adrien laughs and jokes about it being Fang instead. Nino points out the video but Adrien did see it but is overall unphased and convinced that it means nothing. Nino says that he'll find proof and hangs up, but Adrien is certain he'll find nothing. Plagg comments that Nino will find someone because Plagg's charisma has definitely contaminated Adrien.

Ugh.

Adrien expresses concern that he put on the cat's charm too much and accidentally made Alya fall for him, and decides to visit Alya as Chat Noir to be sure.

Meanwhile, we get a reference to film noirs as Nino narrates. That's the second blatant reference this episode and now I feel like they wrote this script while doing a movie marathon.

Chat Noir arrives at Alya's house and Trixx hides before Alya opens the curtains to reveal her surprise guest. Nino is nearby watching the scene with his phone as Alya wonders aloud if something's wrong. Chat assures that everything's fine, but brings up the video she posted. He insists that it made him happy, but points out that she's been following him and Ladybug since the beginning and that they know each other much better due to everything that's happened. He has some conveniently-worded dialog as he starts to say that he hopes something's just an illusion and Alya gets worried that he's about to bring up Rena. Chat continues and clarifies that he wonders if she started to feel something for him, though adds that he understands because just look at him.

UGGGGH.

Chat clarifies by making a heart with his hands, which Nino sees. Alya laughs at this gesture and states that she has a boyfriend, doing the same heart gesture and suggesting that her love for Nino is even more than that. Chat Noir apologizes - hm, I didn't know he had the capacity to do that - and hugs Alya, saying that he was just confused.

An absolutely unnecessary hug for two people who, at least in terms of their current selves, have had very little screentime together, but this is also the show where making eye contact basically means your friends and it's all just to push the plot along so Nino inteprets that Alya is in love with Chat Noir, so whatever I guess.

Alya states that Nino is far more irresistable than Chat, then adds that she doesn't even know his secret identity, and she'd never fall in love with someone she doesn't know. Nino then runs away upset and the scene cuts away to the next day where--

Wait, wait, wait, hang on a second. Two things right off the bat there.

First off, we're just gonna sidle past that "wouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know the identity of" while ignoring the existence of the love square? Not even Chat thinking about how he doesn't know Ladybug's identity and trying to excuse that he doesn't have to? This guy is that certain of their relationship?

Secondly, Nino is practically sobbing and Shadow Moth doesn't take this as his opportunity? Same guy who akumatized Mr. Pigeon 72 times and has akumatized Gigantitan more than once? What is this pacing???

But--alright, so Adrien comes into school and sees Nino, still dressed up in his detective gear, which gets ignored completely as Adrien goes to tell him about Chat Noir and Alya. Because the show doesn't know how Adrien would convey this within reason, Nino interrupts him, taking him down into the lower part of the school where he has a desk and chairs set up. Adrien goes to ask when Nino had time to do this, but Nino slams his hand on the desk to cut him off. Nino presents the evidence he took and they go back and forth, likewise with Adrien turning off the background music while Nino turns it back on. Adrien insists that it's a misunderstanding, but pleads innocent when Nino asks how he knows. Adrien states that Alya is just a superhero fan and that she and Chat Noir have nothing in common.

Again, the complete lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

Adrien repeats what Alya said about secret identities and how she wouldn't fall for someone she doesn't know - they're really ignoring this, aren't they? - and continues hitting Nino's soft spots about how unlikely it is until Nino decides to tell Adrien something he's not supposed to.

He tells Adrien, not only that Alya is Rena Rouge, but that he's Carapace. Adrien goes through a range of emotions beyond sAD for once, shocked at the fact that they know each other's identities. Nino states that they don't keep secrets from each other, except now Alya is with Chat Noir. Adrien still doesn't understand and brings up how secret identities have to be protected, or else Nino wouldn't have told him because Ladybug wouldn't agree to it.

Oh, here we go. So that's why they waited.

Nino states that it was Ladybug herself who gave them their miraculouses at the same time; not giving the reason why, of course, nor pointing out that they're temporary heroes so there's understandably some leeway. Adrien is having a moment, but manages to bring the subject back to Alya and Chat Noir, who he still doesn't think are a thing. Nino argues that it's because Adrien doesn't know Chat Noir, but he does because he's Carapace and knows how Chat Noir acts. He says that it's all flowers and confessions when Ladybug appears, but he gets rejected because Ladybug thinks that he's annoying, and she's right. He adds that Chat flirts with Rena Rouge and that's all that needs to happen, with Chat stepping in on the first mission Carapace lost in. Nino laments the loss of the love of his life and wishes to shut Chat Noir up forever; we all do, Nino, we all do. Shadow Moth finally steps in with - oh, less than eight minutes left in the episode, yikes - and Nino is akumatized into Rocketear.

Rocketear rejects Adrien's pleas to stop, insisting that Chat Noir is who he's after, not Adrien, and Adrien transforms in sad fashion despite Plagg's reminder of who Rocketear is after. Alya, meanwhile, is in the art club with Marinette - wait, since when was Alya in the art club - telling Marinette about how Chat Noir thought she was into him due to the video, which Marinette groans at. There's an earthquake and they peek outside to see Rocketear firing his tears at Chat Noir, shouting that he stole Alya from him. Chat Noir tries to tell him otherwise, but Rocketear won't listen.

Alya groans at Nino doing this, then she and Marinette set off to find a place to transform. They conveniently go to the same place Adrien and Nino were, so they see the desk that Nino had set up.

Genuine question, how seriously does this episode want me to take itself, because now when I recount all the unnecessary love square drama in my head - because you know that's where this is going - I'm going to have to think, "Nino, dressed in a detective outfit, ripped off his fake mustache and told Adrien both his and Rena's identities, and also that Ladybug was totally cool with it and thinks that Chat Noir is annoying."

Gettin' two completely different vibes here. The episode clearly wants to be important but it doesn't take itself seriously either, which it totally could while including enough jokes to keep things light. Instead, I'm just left scratching my head and wondering what tone they're going for.

Marinette finds Nino's phone on the desk - I'm calling continuity error on that one because he at no point put it on the desk, at least not on-screen - and she questions Alya on the video she sees. Alya insists that nothing happened, apparently completely unphased by her boyfriend having spied on her, and says that he wouldn't have misunderstood if he'd heard the actual conversation.

The two transform and Ladybug immediately uses Lucky Charm, receiving a projector. Ladybug is clueless and Rena Furtive suggests creating an imaginary movie like Nino. Ladybug gets an idea, remembering Alya's earlier comments, and Rena confirms that she remembers every word of it.

Aaaaand, just like that, all of the tension has been completely sucked away. You know, "Backwarder" was a trash episode, but at least when Ladybug was showing every step of her plan, she didn't tell us what it was.

Meanwhile, Rocketear and Chat Noir are still arguing--I started zoning out at hearing the same thing over and over again at this point, so I just presume they were fighting over who does stuff behind their love interest's backs better; I don't think they came to an agreement but they're both losers anyway.

Chat Noir says that he'll prove his innocence, tossing his baton aside to show him giving up, but Rocketear points out that it proves nothing and strikes Chat Noir with his tears.

Our endgame love interest, everyone. Straight As yet about as smart as a sack of bricks, and that at least won't flirt with anyone non-consensually.

Chat Noir makes a point that he doesn't want to hurt Rocketear, and Shadow Moth tells Rocketear to take his miraculous before finishing him. Chat Noir can only weakly tell him not to before Ladybug snags Rocketear's wrist and diverts the shot. Ladybug explains to Rocketear about the projector and how it'll let him hear the audio of the recording he took. She adds that she doesn't know what Chat said, but she trusts him.

Marinette, I'm sorry, I feel so bad for you.

Ladybug turns on the projector and Rocketear relaxes at actually hearing what was going on. Rena then de-transforms and hurries out to meet with Rocketear, hugging him as Rocketear apologizes for doubting her. Alya also kinda sorta apologizes in a way I don't understand and Rocketear then breaks his akumatization, very casually, all on his own.

Yeah, just--casually, in a matter of seconds in fact. You know, it's really sad when people resisting akumatizations are more tense and emotionally compelling than them breaking them. This is twice in one season now and has zero impact considering that Nino's reason for being akumatized was already taken care of so he had no reason to stay akumatized anyway. Him breaking his own object to release the akuma would've at least been different, but instead it's just a repeat of what Alya went through with even less tension considering that Alya's wasn't even that good in the first place, relying on her relationship to Ladybug rather than who she knew to be her best friend.

Moving on, Ladybug captures the akuma and uses Miraculous Ladybug to bring everything back to normal. Shadow Moth monologues about how love and secrets don't go well together and he's sure that she has a lot and I'll talk about this later.

Ladybug hands over the magical charm, which Nino takes but insists that he won't need it, as he'll never let Shadow Moth use his love to manipulate him again. Plenty of other things to get akumatized over, but they gave the supposedly ace character a robot to help him stick out and also gave the supposedly aro character a miraculous back in season one to give her more importance. If characters aren't in love then they need something to ceompensate for it.

Nino apologizes to Chat Noir for being wrong and Chat Noir assures him that everyone has doubts, even him. He gets sad and Ladybug asks him what's wrong, but he insists that he's fine - officially throwing away his right to be upset at her later as far as I'm concerned - and they do their usual fist buuuuu--

...Really?

Everyone then splits up and Chat Noir sulks by himself instead of--you know, talking to Ladybug, or asking her anything, or making any sort of excuse for her because that would mean he actually has faith in her and understands that their partnership is different from temporary heroes, even if the excuse was as basic as her wanting to protect him more than the others because he would be that egotistical if they didn't want to stretch out this unnecessary drama.

Later on, Adrien is staring at a picture on the Ladyblog that might be a metaphor for the show considering how "in the foreground" Chat Noir and Rena are.

Adrien vents about Ladybug giving miraculouses to Alya and Nino, but Plagg states that she's the guardian. Adrien clarifies that he's referring to Alya and Nino knowing each other's identities, but Plagg doesn't see the issue. Adrien gets huffy and asks why the rule exists for LadyNoir but not Ninya, but Plagg again points out that she's the guardian, so she makes the rules, though obviously he uses cheese metaphors to convey it.

Okay, Plagg is only, like--half-right because he doesn't have all the information. If you don't mind me rambling for a bit, I'm on the fence here because, on one hand--yes, I agree that Marinette should be allowed to make her own rules, and I often do that in my writing because I think she should be permitted leeway in order to let herself be happy, but on the other hand, it's not technically her rule, as she had to let Alya and Nino in on their identities back in the Season 2 finale, so Fu was still around for a season. She wasn't even guardian yet!

Now, presumably so the fandom could blame Marinette if anything happened, Marinette never discussed this with Fu on-screen, so I can't say whether or not Fu knew, but I feel like he must've since Marinette had to have told him the heroes' identities off-screen, given "Party Crasher," and thus I imagine that Marinette would tell Fu everything that happened, which is consistent with what she does on-screen even if she'd keep things from him for a little while.

"Furious Fu" had also established that not even Master Fu followed rules completely, meaning that Marinette is in this awkward spot of mostly following what Fu taught her, which aren't all guardian rules anyway, and having to break the rules on occasion for various purposes. I can't say what Fu approved of and what he didn't, because episodes spend so much time on the love square that they forget about Marinette as a person and how she interacts with everyone else. From an emotional standpoint, I can't blame Marinette for not revoking the miraculouses of people whose identities get discovered because of her, as I imagine she feels guilty and it probably doesn't seem fair to force them into another miraculous or have them be entirely without one because of a mistake that she made, meaning that someone needs to be throwing a lot of red flags for Marinette to be through with them.

Though obviously, from the show's standpoint, it's just an excuse to not make new models, but I complained about that enough in "Sentibubbler" and this episode even went out of its way to design a detective model for Nino while spraypainting Alya's bodysuit in the same breath, so this is the world we live in.

Anyway, Marinette is essentially in this position where she still has Fu's rules hovering over her, but she's also trying to step out on her own and make her own decisions to varying degrees of success or failure depending on your point of view. Tikki--wait, no, bad idea--Su-Han then, could easily give input on these things, perhaps with Marinette discussing a modern day set of rules for someone her age and going back and forth with Su-Han on what the right choices to make are, finding something that's comfortable but within a realm of predictable control. Su-Han was okay with some rules being broken after seeing how Ladybug handled them and they could've easily made this episode about that instead, but instead, we get rules being set and then being broken on a writer's whim.

Which now brings us to the end of the episode, where Marinette is on the phone with Alya and apologizes for causing trouble between her and Nino. Alya tells her not to worry and she'll fix things - you know, those things that, to Marinette's knowledge, have already been fixed - and asks if Marinette trusts her. Marinette does, and Alya hangs up in order to face Nino.

Yeah, that feeling of dread in your stomach? That means you know how predictable the writing is and what's about to happen, good for you.

Alya explains that she has to tell Nino something and he's worried, this time trying to sheepishly break the tension. She explains that she's still Rena Rouge, much to Nino's shock, and adds that she's in hiding, which is why Ladybug didn't want her to tell anyone. Nino asks why she's telling him if she's not supposed to tell anyone - proving my point from a while back that he wouldn't have been upset had she kept it a secret - then asks if Ladybug agreed with it.

I want to give him a pat on the back for considering Ladybug, but he didn't even tell her when he had the chance that Adrien knows his identity now, so I'm just beaten down at this point.

Instead of answering the question directly, Alya says that she can't hide her identity from him because she loves him and they don't have secrets.

You know, like Nino telling Adrien about Rena's identity, or Alya saying specifically that she's a permanent holder, which I'm sure both of them will confess to since they said that they don't have--aaaaand the episode ends on happy triumphant music, okay.

I mean, I guess Alya at least didn't tell him that Marinette was Ladybug, but that is such a low bar and not even remotely worthy of congratulations when Alya told Nino the specific thing that Marinette told Alya not to tell; the thing that they had agreed on.

Nino wasn't upset anymore. He won't be getting akumatized either. Alya endured the supposed hardship of being a permanent fox holder for four episodes before breaking down and telling her boyfriend. Even her excuse doesn't hold any water because, again, they're both still technically keeping a secret, particularly Alya who knows Marinette's identity as Ladybug. The episode also apparently forgets that Alya and Marinette's friendship must not be as strong by her logic of telling Nino specifically everything, as Alya kept Rena Rouge a secret from Marinette for all of Season 3, but tells Nino about continuing to be Rena Rouge in Season 4. Boyfriends before BFFs without explicitly saying it, or to be more specific, whatever screws Marinette over the most, because that's what this comes down to, made worse by "Optigami" where Marinette told Alya that she'd tell her everything and I guess that doesn't go both ways.

"Sentibubbler" had Alya stress that no one would ever know. She promised Marinette and told Marinette to trust her, and the episode spent its entire running time talking her up and assuring Marinette that she was the right choice, even considering Marinette ridiculous for worrying when Alya had done something without Marinette's permission the episode right before it. Then, three episodes after "Sentibubbler," when Marinette is finally comfortable and trusts Alya completely, Alya betrays that trust. Nino betrayed that trust, knowing he wasn't supposed to do so but telling Adrien his and Rena's identity anyway, because he was losing an argument and needed to PROVE something.

Marinette gives them an inch and they take a mile. Marinette bent the rules so that they could continue to have the miraculous they'd started with and they disrespected her because it was hard for like a day.

And if this bites them back, it won't reflect poorly on them, it'll reflect poorly on Marinette.

It's not like Alya just overrode Marinette. She didn't go, "Hey, I'm telling Nino, I'm sorry," or tried her hardest to go back and forth with Marinette until they both agreed. No, she did what she told Marinette she wouldn't do without saying a word to her, because LOVE and SEEEECRETS.

And this only applies to her, of course, because don't think I didn't notice the parallels between this episode and "Truth," because WOW.

Episode begins with Marinette hoping for something and it blows up in her face? A date at the cinema that ends on a sour note? Plot-centric couple trying to get Andre's ice cream and the female with a secret needing to leave in a hurry? Boyfriend character getting akumatized over their girlfriend's secret? Boyfriend assumes/suggests that the girlfriend's secret involves Aaaaaadrien - or his alter-ego in "Rocketear"'s case - and the episode hints as much to him even though he's completely wrong? Akuma's colors are blue and black? THE BRIDGE?

But, ahhh, little difference, here and there, y'know, like how Marinette was forced to break up with her boyfriend while Alya got to keep hers, and Nino got to have long talks with Alya while Luka got little to nothing with Marinette.

Because do note that Alya, while trying to convince Marinette and talk to Nino about not keeping secrets, at no point suggests that Marinette deserves to be happy and deserves to have a boyfriend and that Marinette should be allowed to tell Luka her secret so they can get back together, so you have Alya here selfishly prioritizing her relationship with Nino while making no comment about Marinette's relationship, essentially asking Marinette to allow her what Marinette herself didn't have the luxury of, and Alya knows this because Marinette told her. It is both incredibly insensitive of Alya and incredibly insulting of the show to make so many parallels between this episode and "Truth" just to have everything crash down for Marinette because she's Marinette while everything goes well for Alya and Nino because they're not Marinette.

We've talked before about the formulas that are literally baked into the show, and one of those is how Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and has to learn from it. What that mistake is in this episode, I don't know, but considering that she apologizes for Alya and Nino's problems, I guess the show blames her for what they themselves had taught her.

Point being, there's a clear karma system in place, but it only applies to Marinette, and forcing her to mess up in every episode means that she is literally not allowed to be with Luka because had she been able to clear things up between them, he would've eagerly accepted her and they could've been happy. It'd be too difficult for her to mess up when Luka doesn't put mountains of pressure and expectations on her like everyone else. Factor that in with how she can be herself around him and it leads to situation that are too difficult for her to screw up in because her mistakes - more often than not - center around Adrien or her role as guardian.

And because another rule in the show is to bring up Adrien so they don't "lose him for too long," she can't avoid bringing him up either. If he's not in the plot, he has to be mentioned, leaving Marinette in a lose-lose situation that she'll never be free from.

So, let me just get this straight then:

The guy who spied on his girlfriend instead of talking to her about his assumptions gets to keep his girlfriend, not because he realized it was wrong regardless of whether he was correct or not, but because the situation had been cleared up for him, yet the guy who actively resisted his akumatization, saddened by his girlfriend's secrets but wanting her to share them when she was ready, gets broken up with and tossed to the wayside because he's not a rich blond boy who got a miraculous because he happened to be within the twenty meters of space where Fu was searching for new holders?

Meanwhile, the girlfriend who has gone against the wishes and insistence of her best friend - guardian of the miraculouses, by the way, so she calls the shots, something that Alya herself said in "Optigami" BEFORE GOING ON TO DO HER OWN THING IN THE SAME EPISODE AND BEING REWARDED FOR IT - is allowed to go against the wishes and insistence of her best friend again for the sake of "all love, no secrets" with her boyfriend and so she can have the happy ending she wants, yet the girl who was chosen for a miraculous without her consent, forced to screw up and talk about a random boy who doesn't even go out of his way to spend time with her, treated like absolute trash by writers who find humor in her misery, and is the only one to receive overly harsh and long-lasting consequences for her actions while also covering up and forgiving the actions of others within the episode where they do it...

doesn't get her happy ending, and won't ever get her happy ending. That thing Shadow Moth said about love and secrets not going well together? Yeah, only goes as far as the writers want it to, because both Nino and Alya still have secrets, and some of the ones they did tell each other were forced by someone else and kept until that very moment. This idea that people in love have to tell each other everything and that it makes a relationship stronger makes me immensely uncomfortable, and that lesson is also in "Guiltrip."

People should be allowed their secrets, and obviously there are exceptions for things that are being hidden with malicious intent, but being essentially forced to share everything or risk not having a "full and complete" relationship is stifling and sounds like it'd only cause stress.

This episode sucks. It furthers and confirms everything I've already thought about the show, Nino's screentime continues to be dependent on Adrien, Alya, or both, there are pointless references that completely take me out of the experience, and the utter betrayal from Alya and supposed message of the episode just reminds me that Marinette is inevitably going to be stuck with a guy who didn't even DO anything in this episode and is going to let himself stew instead of asking for any sort of clarifications from someone he apparently trusts so much.

So the takeaway is that Marinette's life is awful, she'll be forced to apologize for rules that she didn't even come up with herself, her best friend will walk all over her for the sake of her relationship with a guy - not even for the sake, really, they were going to be fine, it was more for HER personal comfort if anything - and the guy who actually makes Marinette happy and could've known her identity instead BECAUSE HE AT LEAST DIDN'T HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF SPILLING HER SECRETS gets treated in the exact same way that she does; like nothing, just something to abuse unfairly.

What a waste of an episode.

#MC's Videos #category: episode summaries #category: salt #salt: adrien agreste #salt: chat noir #salt: alya cesaire #salt: nino lahiffe #video: critique #MC's Renders #render: persona #episode: Rocketear #((I would usually apologize for rambling but you guys seem to like it lol.))#((I could still afford to trim down the summary probably and repeat myself/ramble a BIT less but yeah.))#((I'm also feeling a little more comfortable this time around))#((which might come off in my inflections.))

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bunchofstraydogs · 3 years

Text

Dazai Osamu in a relationship

Just a lil warning before you proceed: dis a chonky one, kay?

○

Depending on why Dazai is in a relationship affects how he will act with his partner.

If Dazai is curious about them, enough to enter the relationship,

it will last at best a handful of months, at worst about 2 weeks. Enough to get to know them, test them out in terms of reaction, values, honesty and morality, and get bored of them. Thus leading to him braking up with the person or, if he predicts that the person would react badly and cause a scene, get them to break up with him. But even that is dubious because i doubt Dazai would make the relationship official. He would probably just act as if they're dating, leading the partner to believe they actually are without having to verbally confirm anything, and then as soon as he loses interest, pulls a now-you-see-me-now-you-don't and disappears with little to no notice. Hey, he never said they were dating, he calls everyone Belladona, the fault is that person's for being delusional. Yes, he is an asshole, what did you expect of Dazai?

But if Dazai is in love?? Unrecognizable.

I will make a separate headcanon(? whatever these are I'm writing) on what i think a person should be like to sweep Dazai of his feet, but now i want to concentrate on what he would be like in such a relationship.

Is it possible for Dazai to fall in love? Absolutely. He loved Odasaku and Ango, perhaps not romantically, but he's definitely capable of love. People like him- aware of the world's cruelty, dealing with demons and guilt, roaming the world for the sole reason that they haven't died yet, hoping to find something worthwhile they can feel the need to be selfish about and call theirs; don't fall in love, they crash desperately. It takes a lot for them to feel those emotions, but when they do, they can never really let them go.

He would try to act as he usually does in public and try approaching the subject of his trepidation and disarray in many different ways. Distancing himself and going as far to actively avoid them would just come back and bite him in his boney ass. To effectively avoid someone, you need to know their schedule, hobbies, interests, habits, etc. And having learned that would just constantly remind him of them, they'd never leave his mind. He'd look on the clock, see the time and know that they'll be in that specific class because he knows their whole curriculum and class schedule/ at the grocery because they're surly out of their favourite snack/ doing black laundry and yes, he knows unnecessary details about them as well. After that disastrous failure, he comes back running and commences new ways to handle that person. These beta testings are for him as much as they are for them. Just how much and what exactly does he feel for that person, what buttons can he push and which ones he doesn't want to.

When i say Dazai in love would be unrecognizable, i mean it. Not superficially, where everyone can see it, but where it matters.

After doing his best to rail in the unfamiliar feelings under control, going as far as using some of Mori's techniques, the realization of the situation he's found himself in hits him hard.

He comes back as if nothing happened.

The deadpan that person gives him and a "Are you done with your bullshit or do you need some more time to brood about issues you made with yourself?" He doesn't even blink, "Oh, my Belladona! Does that mean you've missed me? Were you worried about me as well??"

All of this was said in your typical, Dazai maniac style, the only difference is that he actually wants an answer. He wants to hear the confirmation, in whatever form it may come- he can read between the lines and body language, just give him something to work with. He's desperate.

While the public Dazai persona won't change, his inner musings and his approach to the love interest will.

Osamu will, sometimes sneakily, usually not so subtly, immerse himself into their daily life. Get them accustomed and used to his presence. What this will do is cause a sense of familiar coexistence, that of people living together; make the person unconsciously continue to include him in their activities; learn to depend on him (not in a unhealthy, yandere way, but if their car brakes down or they're feelinh unsafe, Dazai will be the first person they feel the urge to call) because Dazai can be reliable and he will be reliable for that special person. He will also be the first person they share good news with as well, because if someone is always there for and with you, it's only natural.

Make no mistakes, Dazai is transparent only when he wants to be.

The reasons he does this is because 1) he wants to gauge their reaction to his great interest in them, 2) mask his subtle advances which are the most important part of integrating himself into their life, 3) to get that person in the position where he needs them to be for him to move on to the next phase of his plan.

Now, i may have said plan, but that's a somewhat loose term since what he'll do next depends on their reaction. He definitely has a rough outline of the whole thing in his head, but he's also adaptable and ready to react accordingly to whatever they may throw his way.

[I will be using l/i or LI for "love interest" bc I'm tired of writing that person or whatever, okay? Good.]

Once his l/i made effort to go out of their way for him or commit any type of love language, basically:

act of service- pay for his bills, massage his shoulders, buy crab based food or alchohol he really likes for their own fridge so that he can have it when he's over (often) even if they don't like those things especially then

words of affirmation- thank you Dazai, how was your sleep?, please take better care of yourself i can't help you if you're not making an effort

physical touch- ruffle his hair, lean on him when tired, hold his hand or wrist because it's crowded and it would be a pain to search for you Dazai

gift giving- "I noticed you were running out of bandages", "I bought you food, figured your lost case would forget to eat", "saw this mackerel, reminded me of you^^" "BELLADONA, NO >:("

quality time- spending nights with him because he has insomnia, playing games at the arcade, drive around town run from the cops

He would be overwhelmed. In the best way possible. He'd feel overwhelmingly good and pleasant and warm and worried.

He didn't feel like this, ever.

Not even with Odasaku and Ango. They were probably his first friends, but that's the thing. They didn't make his heart race, they didn't throw him into panic attacks, they didn't overwhelm him, they didn't keep him up at night because he couldn't get them out of his head or completely monopolise his mind during the day.

He gets panic attacks.

A lot of them, actually. Usually he can fake being fine, but sometimes he hyperventilates and can't breathe and all that he can smell is the blood on his hands and his chest is as hollow as l/i's eyes. He knows what can happen. They can and will be used against him. Hell, it could even be an accident. He is vulnerable just because they exist and he can't do shit about it.

He could do his thing: pull some strings, have them move to another country and never speak to each other ever again. He has the power, but he lacks the strength. He could do it, but he doesn't want to. His thumb won't press the numbers, his voice died out, his mind went blank.

The wind blows and it carries their scent with it. The bells ring and it's their laughter that resonates within. His bandages ruffle and it's the warmth of their touch he feels. He's dying, but he's not just ready yet to leave. Hopefully, Odasaku will patiently keep a seat for him.

That was what gave him away, actually.

That's when Ranpo realised, with zero doubt, that Dazai Osamu is in love.

Dazai could be going on and on about suicide.

Enter l/i.

"I found an amazing tree yesterday with really sturdy branches. I wanted to test them out today, but i promised l/i I'd go to the new bakery with them today and who would they go with if i die?? Unacceptable!"

Ranpo: "A new bakery? I'll happily take your place."

"UNACCEPTABLE!!"

With every panic attack he feels stranded on an island in the sea of death.

He's exhausted. For the first time he finally wants to escape alive. Then they walk in and the storm in the sea moves to his heart. And into his stomach and his hands and his knees.

"I'm here for you, Osamu. Everything is going to be fine."

His insomnia goes by a different name now.

It still keeps him up at night and makes him restless.

But this time, when he fills his nth glass of whiskey for the night, when the TV is muted and the trafic quiet, when he can hear their breathing beside him in their shared bed, he raises the glass to hope for the halcyon days.

●

Fucking finally. You think you're exhausted, you waste of bandages?? I have a final today I'm going to fail and actually wrote about your musky ass. You try doing that with my brain.

Hope you guys like it and if you made it this far, here's a cup of ☕ or 🍵, whichever you prefer. I wrote him as i see and envision him. Hope it all makes sense. He's a complicated character, but he is still human and he is not immune to emotions.

Have a good one~☆

I will probably come up with more things for him, because i doubt i covered everything, but for now this shall do.

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu headcanons #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu in a relationship

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obeymehasinfluncedmythoughts · 3 years

Note

hey i hope you're doing well!! i was wondering if i could request a oneshot that kinda diverges from canon ? so basically mc is given the chance to go back to the human world (permanently) or stay in devildom w the brothers. so everyone literally expects for them to stay bcs they really "happy" with the brothers + the (un)dateables,, but surprise:: theyre fucking ecstatic to go back to the human world !!!! and they re all like "why mc dont u love us 🥺" and mc just goes full rant about every shitty thing that happened to them in devildom: belphie killing them, brothers treating her as lilith's replacement, dangerous shit 😌😌😌😌 tHIS IS SO LONG N SPECIFIC OMG IM SORRY

Oo. Yes. This is it. I remember always choosing the "Yeah fuck you guys I wanna go home," choices lmao. There's so much I personally would say to them if put in that situation. One would be what the fuck.

This takes place after Belphegor kills you, but before you go home. The undatebles aren't really included because none of them really fit in with the scene I'm painting.

Also! To my followers, I'm thinking of opening a patreon? Idk if anyone would use it or not. It's just that I am trying to make money, and since I can't work consistently, this might be my best shot for now. It's just a thought! I won't do it if you guys think it's stupid. Thanks babes 💞

It was an offer from Diavolo that started all this.

After Belphegor had lashed out you'd taken to staying away from any of the brothers. You'd never totally felt safe around the demons. They are demons after all, but you trusted that someone would always be there to protect you. That was what you were told at least. It worked in many circumstances, but not when you needed it most. Not when you actually died.

You were miserable. Everyone could tell just by the way you acted. A frown was on your face the majority of the time, you were always on guard around any demons, and you spent the majority of your nights at purgatory hall for some reason or another.

It hurt them to see you so terrified of their presence. Any little fight they had now flashed like a warning sign in your mind, alerting you to the danger of meddling in demon affairs. You'd leave, and they'd become discouraged, only realizing how empty everything felt with you gone. They try to make it up to you, try to keep away from their natural tendencies to get a bit rowdy, but nothing works. You're still petrified in their presence.

That's when Diavolo asks you if you want to go home. You're not comfortable here, it's written on your sleeve. It's affecting your mental health, and despite how much it hurts to send someone so perfect away, he does suggest you leave. To get some help, reconnect with yourself, and possibly forget they ever existed.

You agree.

It's heartbreaking when they find out. Belphegor blames himself, and so does everyone else. They see his mistake as the catalyst for all your changes in personality, when really it was just the final nail in the coffin. After being forced to participate in a stressful school schedule, to deal with men constantly busting into the room despite the lock, being expected to cook for the avatar of Gluttony at least once a week, and to have to find new hiding spots for your precious items to avoid loosing them to Mammon, it was a lot. You were always up, ready for some crazy new happening, never resting even when your body was on the verge of collapse. Your body couldn't handle it anymore, and after Belphegor, you knew you'd never sleep again

You don't say goodbye to them.

Lucifer acts like it doesn't bother him, and he'll act this way until the day he ceases to exist. It does though. He considered you a friend, possibly more, but seeing as you willingly left the realm, it's clear that he misjudged the situation. Satan doesn't receive the news any better. He's a lot more angry then Lucifer, but deep down they both know the eldest is just better at hiding his feelings. The house is a wreck without these two micromanaging every aspect, but neither ever pleaded with you to stay.

They blame Belphegor, but they also blame themselves for not showing you how much you meant to them. Satan knows he could have done more. He should have. In all the books in his library, why is there not one explaining how to fix such a situation? Lucifer almost thinks the same, but he knows he does not need books. He should have noticed your little set backs from the beginning, without the help of a book.

Mammon doesn't completely understand what happened. He's confused, not knowing what he did to make you despise him so. Levi tries to explain, sometimes through teary eyes and anxious hand movements, yet it still never really sinks in. Part of him believes he could have possibly shown his affections more. The other remaining side can't stop chastising himself for not knowing.

The third eldest feels abandoned, and he doesn't know why. You're just a normie. Just some human who shouldn't mean anything to him, but you do. He hates it. Leviathan wants nothing more to forget you, but how can he when your ghost still haunts these halls?

The only one who seems to be able to move on is Asmodeus, but that's far from the truth. He's good at faking emotions. Sure, he's never really had to fake being happy, but all the improv disappointment and whiney attitudes have prepared him for this. Asmo looks fine. No one really worries about him. They should.

Beelzebub and Belphegor have been at odds ever since you left. They both blame the youngest, and whilst Belphie doesn't usually care about his sibling's opinions, knowing Beelzebub is so angry with him hurts. He can't fix it either. You're not coming back, and Beelzebub will always be angry with him for doing something so selfish.

And Beelzebub is angry. He moves out of their shared bedroom and into your room. For weeks he refuses to even speak to Belphie, and after that he only acknowledges him in passing. It's heartbreaking to watch, but Beelzebub doesn't care. You're gone.

#obey me #obey me!#obey me beelzebub #obey me asmodeus #obey me mammon #obey me x mc #obey me angst #obey me luficer #obey me satan #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan

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gentrychild · 4 years

Text

adlhfahdkjfh so this’ll likely be really Long which is why I’m submitting instead of sending an ask but I just read through your Suspected Traitor!Izuku AU and I have some Thoughts. I’m sorry for the rambely-ness this’ll likely be ahead of time.

—

So as much as I love the whole ‘Izuku gets away from UA and tries to heal from all the betrayal’ thing y'all have going on I can’t help but think about what would happen if he didn’t. So this’ll be more an 'au of a au’ thing.

Izuku is a child who has been betrayed all his life. From his classmates and teachers to his childhood friend to the very society itself turning it’s back on him, Izuku has been beaten down again and again. And he’s been told that it’s his own fault. He’s the one that’s quirkless, after all, right? He’s the one that was born into a society where this power you’re born with is everything and he was born with nothing.

And everyone around him only reinforces this mindset, he is bullied relentlessly, his is told he’s a 'deku’ - something worthless, something mindless, useless, a dud in a society of fireworks. He is small and skinny so very weak in everyone’s eyes and they all claim that it is his own fault. The most vocal of them do, at least. Bakugou even uses his quirk on him- something that could very easily cause lasting damage- that could kill Izuku if Bakugou lost even a little bit of restraint.

And gods do I refuse to believe that Bakugou and other bullies haven’t left scars on Izuku- it’s so easy, after all, for someone in the heat of the moment to forget that their quirks can be dangerous, deadly.

And here’s the thing: how many times do you have to be told by everyone, everything, in the world you live in that you are worthless before you start to believe it, just a little bit? How many times do you have to call a child a freak, creepy, a stalker before they start to believe that?

How many times do you have to tell a child that it is all their own fault before they begin to believe that that is the truth?

Everyone says it, afterall, so it must be true.

right?

And this, this right here, is where I believe All Might comes in. All Might, who sees this small, weak, quirkless child(just like him, a part of him may whisper, I was just like him) and wants to stop him, beg him to not choose a career in which everyone around him will want to tear him apart.

And so he does. No, he says, sad and desperate and constantly in pain, no, you cannot be a hero.

And he is tired, and he is sad, and he leaves. He thinks that is the end of it. He will never see that small, weak, quirkless child again.

But the Sludge Villain has escaped and he does- he sees that boy again, he sees that charging in to save another, with no regards to what he should be doing(staying back and quiet and let the heroes watch as a child suffocates and dies because none of them have the right quirks to get him out) and he actually manages to make a difference.

And Izuku reminds All Might of himself, all the way down to how he just wants to protect people, even when they’ve done nothing to protect him, and so All Might, after taking care of the villain, goes and finds this boy and he says, with full confidence, you can be a hero.

And it’s a breath of fresh air for Izuku, for this young boy who has been told all his life that he will amount to nothing, that his destiny as nothing is set in stone. It’s someone, for once in life, telling him that his dream, his desire to help, can come true.

And so they start training, and All Might keeps coming back to him, and he finds himself thinking maybe things can change, maybe things can be different. Maybe I can be a hero.

Izuku gets into UA, he proves himself. He gets his Provisional Licence. His class gets attacked by villains, sure, and they get hurt, Izuku gets hurt, breaks his bones over and over again until he risks losing the ability to use his arms, but in the end? When all is said and done? All Izuku can think is that it’s so damn worth it.

Even if he’s stuck in class with Bakugou, who’s getting better and Izuku will never stop being grateful for that, it’s still worth it because he’s going to be a hero. His teacher is strict but he’s just, he gets to see All Might on a regular basis, and he has friends.

It’s different, everything is so very different, and Izuku is so so happy.

And then Izuku forgets one of his notebooks in the classroom.

He doesn’t think anything of it. It’s the weekend- he’ll just get back on Monday. It wasn’t like he was planning on doing any analysis anyway- this weekend was time for him to relax, time to put away his hobby and training for just a little bit and relax with the few people still in the dorms for the weekend.

Surely Aizawa-sensei won’t mind?

(but he does, and he sees what’s in that notebook, and his blood runs cold.

He’s found their traitor.)

Monday comes and while Izuku thinks he left his notebook in the classroom it’s not there when he looks, so maybe he put it somewhere else? He’s not too worried, long having relaxed in UA, but a part of him does claw and hiss at the idea of someone getting their hands on it- after all, what if they destroy it? He’s had that happen to him far too often for him to ever fully relax when he doesn’t know exactly where they are.

The week passes as normal and he’s starting to get nervous, because his notebook hasn’t popped up yet, he can't find it and what if someone took it? What if someone took it and set it on fire or flushed it down the toilet or tore it up or-

Friday comes and Izuku is held back from class.

He thinks nothing of it because it happens often- happens to all them ever since the villain attacks and while nothing has happened this week, Izuku guesses that sensei must have noticed how distracted he’s been and maybe he wants to talk about that? He’s nervous, because he’s never been good with teachers, but he makes sure to not hunch his shoulders or pick at his hands or anything like that.

He’s nervous, but he’s going to be a hero and heroes work to not show their nerves.

But then he’s lead to the interrogation rooms. Rooms he only knows exist because of the sheer amount of times he’s been attacked and had to debrief on UA grounds.

His hands don’t shake, not yet, but it’s close.

They begin asking questions, questions that make his chest freeze over and his insides to squirm but he answers them truthfully. As truthfully as he can.

It’s twenty minutes in that he realizes why he’s there.

They think he’s a traitor- the traitor? He hasn’t figured out yet, if there would likely be more than one.

They think he’s a villain.

His world is spinning and spinning and spinning and suddenly it’s all coming crashing down.

Oh, he thinks, a numb sort of detachment flowing through. It was never real, was it?

The world could never really change.

But he doesn’t want to believe it, he really really doesn’t, so he tries to ignore it- to shove it away into the corner with all the other emotions and thoughts he doesn’t like to deal with. He keeps answering their questions, remains truthful through the entire thing even though all a part of him wants to do is scream, and he doesn’t let himself believe his thoughts.

Until they bring out his notebook.

Izuku lurches forward, he can’t help it. the handcuffs on the table don’t let him get far, but he doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter in the face of his gut-wrenching relief.

He hadn’t lost it.

I thought I’d lost that, and where was it, and thank you so much for finding it Sensei, all spill from his lips and he can’t help his small, relieved smile because his notebook was right there and not at all damaged and he opens his mouth, ready to release a torrent of apologies and thank you’s but-

Aizawa-sensei’s eyes are still cold.

The interrogation continues and Izuku is forced to accept that his teachers believe him a villain.

They use his notebooks- his writings he’d scribbled out to help, because that’s all he’s ever wanted to do- and they force him to face the fact that they were creepy and stalkerish and horrible.

Izuku feels sick.

It’s hours, by the time they bring in Tsukauchi-san. He asks the same questions. Izuku answers the same answers.

He keeps a smile on his face, because he knows that Tsukauchi-san will confirm everything as truth and he can go back to the dorms and sleep. It feels shaky and fake but he smiles and Tsukauchi-san looks like he might just want to smile back.

True, the lie detector detective says at the end. He’s telling the truth.

Izuku is allowed to go back to the dorms. The teachers apologize, sort of. It was necessary, they tell him, logical. You understand, don’t you?

Izuku nods. He smiles.

They give him back his notebook.

Izuku feels sick looking at it.

When he gets back to his dorm room, he destroys all of them.

They were creepy, after all, they stalkerish and creepy and he was a creep for writing them and the teacher had said so and they were heroes so they must be right.

Right?

And a part of Izuku wants to be angry at it all, wants to be hurt and angry and betrayed but.

They’d thought he was a villain. Heroes had thought he was a villain.

So he must have been doing something wrong. Was he not working enough? Not doing enough? Was he socializing too much? Was he just too much of a freak for the hero course?

And so, instead of getting angry, of being hurt and betrayed and getting him out of the place that hurt him, Izuku stays because it was heroes that had accused him of being a traitor, of trying to hurt his classmates, so he must of been doing something wrong.

It must have been his fault.

right?

(and so, here, instead of having their mistakes shoved back in their faces as Izuku leaves, the teachers have to realize, slowly, that what they did, the accusations they threw out in the heat of the moment, have mistakes far more damaging than they ever thought possible.

Because Izuku is a boy that has been taught from the young age of four that everything that happens to him, everything that others do to him, is all his own fault. And so, when heroes believe he is a villain, when they accuse him of being a traitor, that must be his fault too, right?

And so the teachers have to watch, from the sidelines, as this boy they accused goes out and begins to break himself again and again, because, after all, if he doesn’t want to be seen as a villain, as creepy or stalkerish, he has to work harder.

Right?

He has to prove that he’s good, that he’ll do anything to save someone else, to protect someone else, because that’s what a hero does and all Izuku has ever wanted to be was a hero.)

#Ouch #That one hurts a little bit #suspected traitor Izuku AU #submission

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storiesforallfandoms · 4 years

Text

maybe i should ~ tommy lee;the dirt

word count: 1512

request?: yes!

“Could you do a tommy lee story based on the prompt “I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.””

description: in which the hate starts to get to her, and she considers ways to numb the pain

pairing: tommy lee x female!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol abuse

masterlist

“Look at this shit, man,” Tommy groaned as he threw a magazine onto the table in the tour bus. On the cover was a picture taken of his girlfriend at a very unflattering angle, with yet another offensive caption underneath it.

“How do they keep managing to catch (Y/N) at her worse?” Nikki questioned as he took the magazine in his hand.

“Man, I don’t get why the paparazzi keep targeting her like this,” Tommy sighed. “She’s done nothing, she’s just my girlfriend. But ever since day one they’ve dragged her name through the mud for no reason.”

“You should call her, man. See if she’s seen this one yet,” Vince told him.

“I will when we stop. God, I hope she hasn’t seen anything.”

The minute the bus parked, Tommy raced for the phone to call (Y/N). It rang for longer than usual, which made Tommy feel uneasy. He wondered if maybe the time difference meant she was at work or still in bed, but he was only in a few states over. The time differences couldn’t have been that bad, could they?

Finally, her voice answered, “Hello?”

“Hey baby!” Tommy said, trying to sound cheerful until he got a hint from her tone as to if she had seen the article. “What are you doing right now?”

“Still in bed,” she said, her voice still even. It was killing Tommy to not know, but he didn’t want to flat out ask her if she had seen the magazine in case she hadn’t.

“What time is it there? Isn’t it time for work?” Tommy tried again.

“I’m off today.”

Tommy sighed, realizing the subtle approach was going nowhere. “Are you okay, baby?”

He heard her sniffle, a tiny action that broke her heart. “No.”

“Did you see the magazine?”

“Of course I fucking saw it, Tommy! Someone put it on my fucking doorstep!”

This was new information to Tommy. He wondered how anyone knew where he and (Y/N) lived. He made a mental note to put out an announcement that a huge lawsuit and restraining order would be coming to whoever found (Y/N)’s address.

“I’m sorry they’re still doing this, (Y/N). I don’t get what their problem is, you’re literally just...existing.”

(Y/N) sighed on the other end, and Tommy could hear her holding back sobs. “You know what? I’m too sober for this.”

“Baby, you don’t even drink.”

“Maybe I should start.”

This concerned Tommy greatly. Unlike Tommy, (Y/N) wasn’t one for the partying and excessive drinking. She was very much a good girl, a perfect balance to Tommy’s rockstar ways. To know things were getting so bad that she was considering getting intoxicated to deal with it broke Tommy’s heart.

“Listen, I’m coming home tomorrow. Just...wait for me, okay baby? Don’t do anything yet.”

There was a brief pause and Tommy wondered if he had lost her. He started rooting around in his pocket for change when her soft voice spoke again.

“Okay, I won’t. Get home soon, okay?”

“I’ll try my best, baby.”

~~~~~~

The drive home seemed to last forever. Tommy couldn’t help but bob his leg anxiously the closer the bus got to them getting home. He stared out the window, intently, waiting for the familiar sights to come into view again.

The minute the bus came to a stop, Tommy grabbed his bags and threw them into the car waiting for him. He called a brief goodbye to his friends before driving off towards the house he shared with (Y/N).

He hoped that he wouldn’t be coming home to the worst. He hoped (Y/N) was sober, that she hadn’t touched a single drop of alcohol in the place. He was glad he wasn’t stupid enough to bring his cocaine home with him, there was no telling how she’d react to that.

Tommy pulled into the driveway and fumbled with his key before finally getting the door open.

“Baby? I’m home!”

There was no response. Tommy’s heart pounded in his chest as he looked around the house for his girlfriend. As he made his way to the bedroom, he began to think of things worse than just (Y/N) getting drunk.

Luckily enough, he opened the bedroom door and there she was, just laying in bed. She lazily turned her head to look at him and gave him the best fake smile she could muster. “Hey baby. You’re finally home.”

Tommy crossed the room to scoop (Y/N) up in his arms. A genuine giggle of excitement slipped from her lips as Tommy held her close, hugging her as tightly as he could without actually hurting her.

“I’m glad to see you, too, baby,” she giggled, wiggling out of Tommy’s arms to kiss the top of his head.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he told her as she got back into bed. He followed her lead, wrapping his arms around her again to hold her close to him. “I’ve been so worried since yesterday. When I got here and you didn’t come to meet me at the door...”

He trailed off, afraid to voice his biggest fear.

(Y/N) sighed and settled into his body. “I’m sorry, Tommy, I never meant to worry you. I just...I haven’t felt right all day. I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of bed when you got home, although I am happy that you’re home. I’ve missed you so much.”

Tommy gave her a slight squeeze and kissed her forehead. “I missed you, too.”

They fell into a comfortable silence for a while. Tommy absentmindedly played with (Y/N)’s hair, thinking of everything that the press kept saying about her.

He was still so angry over the magazine headline from the day before, and the news that people were starting to harass (Y/N) at their own house. He couldn’t understand what anyone’s problem with (Y/N) was. Even looking at her now - no makeup, dressed just a baggy hoodie and pajama shorts with a sad look on her face - she looked like the most beautiful woman in the world. She was so kind to everyone, even people she didn’t know. Tommy just couldn’t understand why the press liked to bash on her so much.

“They never treated Heather like this,” (Y/N) mumbled against his chest.

“What?” Tommy asked, although he knew exactly what she had said.

“I said they never treated Heather like this!” (Y/N) repeated louder this time. “God, the press loved her! The sweet little princess that had her heart broken by the big rockstar drummer.”

“You can’t possibly be comparing yourself to my ex that I cheated on,” Tommy said. “Baby, they loved her because she was a popular actress, and because she married me at the height of my fame. Once we got a divorce they forgot all about the both of us.”

“Then why can’t they just fucking forget me?!” (Y/N) exclaimed, pulling herself away from Tommy. The sudden outburst shocked him. He didn’t think he had ever heard (Y/N) raise her voice before. “Or at least just leave me alone! I’m not even fucking famous, what do they get out of this?”

Tommy took (Y/N) in his arms again and shushed her. “It’s okay, baby, please don’t let what they say get to you. They’re just vultures, all of them. You can’t let that go to your head.”

“It’s hard to not let it go to your head when it just feels like everyone hates you,” (Y/N) said, her voice breaking as she attempted to hold back tears. “I haven’t seen one nice thing be written about me in the media, and what makes it worse is that everyone I know also sees what’s been written! My co-workers are constantly making snide remarks about the things that have been written about me, and my friends and family just give me this look of pity whenever something new comes out.”

Tommy gave her another reassuring squeeze. “I’m sorry, baby.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “You shouldn’t have to be sorry. This isn’t your fault.”

“It feels like it is. I wish I could protect you more than I have, that I wasn’t the reason you’re in the spotlight.” Tommy took her face in his hands and tilted it for her to look at him. “But don’t ever believe a single bad thing the press writes about you, and don’t let what others say get to your head. You’re an absolutely beautiful woman with a heart of gold, and I love you more than I could ever describe. I’m so lucky to have you in my life, I don’t deserve someone like you.”

Tears were forming in (Y/N)’s eyes as she leaned forward to kiss Tommy. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

She settled back into his arms, resting her head on his chest. “Don’t leave again, okay? Stay with me for a while.”

“I promise, baby, I will be.”

#Tommy Lee #tommy lee imagine #tommy lee x reader #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #The Dirt #the dirt imagine #imagine #netflix #request #one shot

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booksweet · 3 years

Text

Expectations

starring: Gojo Satoru x fem!reader

Synopsis: what If your favorite character became real the moment you needed the most?

Warnings: fluffy, probably shibuya incident arc spoilers (not too much), grammar mistakes, both reader and Gojo are +18

Word count: 2k

A/N: hello! Here's me again bringing you the sequence of "Real" (please don't forget to read the first part, okay?). I was so glad you enjoyed chapter 1 that it turned out as a series and I can say I'm BEYOND happy!! Hope you like it 💛

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

tagging: @noritoshiikamo @iwaizumini

“So… Tell me about your powers,” she asks him when they stopped their tour through the city together. “Did they remain? Or you lost them when you came here?”

She knew she should’ve already spoken to him about this matter, yet she was scared of his answer, yet she frightened that if he got his powers, maybe he would go back to his world and let het behind. She would be all alone. Again.

Being alone all the time was tiresome, she had been tired for so long since her parents died, and she moved away from the town she was born and rose by them. After all this time without them, she got used to living alone, eating alone, existing all by herself, everything was so mechanical to her that she didn’t even notice how the way she was living affected her perceptions of her surroundings.

And then, he suddenly appeared. That night was marked inside her memories. She was fond of many things, reading her favourite manga above all, but if someone asked her what she expected getting from reading one, she would answer just some comfort and relief from stressful days, not her favourite character scaping from his world and popping up inside her room.

“Hey! Y/N? Are you even listening to me?” Satoru’s voice takes her out from her reveries, again she got lost on her own thoughts about him and what happened. Is it selfish not wanting you to go back there?

“Sorry” She apologizes with a shy smile, his eyes hidden with sunglasses probably focused on her. “What were you saying?”

“You are a little absent-minded, aren’t you?” His voice in an amused tone makes you release a loud laugh that make he smile eye-to-eye. “I was saying that my powers are still here with me…” He repeats as he takes you by your hand walking somewhere else, his slightly narrow when he sees something that caught up his interest. “Is that… Ice cream?”

By his answer to her question, her heart flickers a little. He could do anything he wanted; he was the strongest above all. Why wouldn’t he just go back to his world? Why would he still be here with you? Your mind going whirlwind with a thousand questions unanswered.

“You lost it,” He says once more, now with her favourite ice cream flavour in one extended hand as a signal to give it to her. “Again. Am I that much a bad company that you can’t concentrate on our date?” He fakes a heartbroken and sad tone seeming like a boy who was crying over his first love.

“Satoru, what?! No! And this is not a date!” She did get lost in thoughts again, but hell no, this wasn’t a date. “Don’t you dare smile like this to me, don’t you dare, Satoru Gojo!” Her flustered tone mixed up with an angry one as a cocky smirk grew upon his face.

“Whaat? Me? Smiling?” He walks closer to her, his height almost towering over hers, and when their faces where almost touching each other, the smell of ice cream surrounding them when he says “How? Smiling like this?”

She could’ve fainted right there, yes, she could. One could say she was almost having a heart attack the faster her heart was beating and that idiot in front her knew how much he affected her, and, for God’s sake, he was doing it way to good not to care. Still, she wouldn’t give up to him so easily.

“As you said…” She started stepping back and eating her own ice cream. “Your powers still remain, so how does it feel?”

“Little one…” He begins to say, but he seems to reconsider his words while looking at her face. “I can feel everything. I can see everything and nothing at the same time. The beginning and the ending. Infinity and beyond.”

She remained silent by his side, waiting for him to continue whatever he was thinking about to speak of. She couldn’t imagine how heavy must be the burden of carrying power like his, powers that were both a blessing and a curse.

“Your world does have curse energy like mine,” He finally continue his line of thought. “Even though it doesn’t change into spirits or something more tangible to exorcize. I still don’t get how you get rid of it here, it’s a mystery.”

“And…” He suddenly stops, narrowing his eyebrows in a confused expression, it was like he realized something he didn’t know how to explain to her.

“And?” You give his arm a soft touch, without words saying to him I am here, you can say whatever is on your mind.

“And” He eyes at her so deeply you imagine if he could reach her soul, his hand placed above hers. “I can see you. Your everything. I can sense your presence, your heartbeat like it is my own. Is it strange? Is it strange that I feel you like you are a part of me, and I am a part of you?” He holds her hand tighter. “Is it strange that when we hold hands everything seems right again? Is it strange that-“

All at once he lets go of her hand. She gives him a strange look, What’s wrong? Was what she as thinking. Goosebumps running through her body, wild butterflies flying on her stomach made her lips dry of nervousness. I feel you like you are a part of me, and I am a part of you. Everything seems right. He must be kidding, no one never…

“Gojo,” She says when she can catch her breath again, his eyes never leaving her face. “You shouldn’t play with things like this.” She pinches her nose, feeling her face warmer and warmer each second. “We must go, there are other places I want to show you.”

“But, Y/N,” He tries to say, she could feel melancholy following his words. I don’t want to hear, I don’t.

“Let’s go, Satoru Gojo,” she fakes a smile and an excited tone. “There’s more of my world that those pretty eyes of yours have never seen.”

They went through many of her favourite places such as the park, that café closer to her loved library, she showed him her favourite restaurant, the places she was used to go when feeling unwell with herself. And there was this moment, this specifically moment, that his eye’s light changed.

The way her hair flipped towards the wind, the way her smell invaded his nostrils, the way he was just all eyes only to hers. Every little detail unmissed to him. Despite their last conversation ending, he’s been constantly aware of her, of how she makes him feel in this odd world. He didn’t lie when he said all those words, he meant each one of them, but he was still wondering why she dismissed him that way. He was afraid that fright would make her run away from him again.

“Hey, you enjoyed our stroll today?” She was resting peacefully on her place’s couch, head laid softly on a cushion and eyes looking at him eagerly. He felt she was still fluttering because of what happened between them before, and he wanted so bad to stop that growing unease feeling his mind twisted every second.

“You don’t know how” He says with a genuine smile, knowing more of you, of how you lived, and your habits makes him avid to get closer and closer to you. His keen voice loud when he laughs “I’ve never though of not trying to defeat monsters and curses while eating a good, sweet cake or ice cream and…”

“And?”

“You can say I’m a good partner, can’t you?” His keen smile turning into a cocky and teasing one. “Afterall, how could I not try my best having such a beautiful lady by my side?”

“You-“She starts, but the growing reddish upon her nose and cheeks reports how nervous she gets when he talks like this, how he teases her and her blood runs wild through her veins. “You know it wasn’t a date, Satoru!” Placing a hand in front of her pretty face to hide whatever her expression could speak for her that moment. “And yes, you’re also a good companion, I can say that.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Satoru’s voice wakes her up from her dreams late that night, she was on the couch covered with her bedsheets. Did he picked them and then covered me up? Her heart bounced inside her chest and she felt her hands damp with sweat with that thought of him caring about her.

“Uh… What time…?” She opens her eyelids slowly, yawning hard as she stretches herself to wake her body. By the time she catches the sight of him, he’s sitting down right on the ground in front of her, his hands towering over her legs like he wanted to touch her but is not allowed to.

“Can I show you something?” His voice says nothing to her, no opens to reveal his feelings behind his tone. Suddenly, she feels cold running over her body. She nods slowly to him. “Do you trust me?” Again, another movement of her head. “Little one… I need to hear your voice.” His bare eyes stare at her fondly, she will never understand why he does this to her. Doesn’t he know that he will break my heart?

“Yes, Satoru, I trust you.” Her voice is hoarse from sleep, but this is all he needs to place one arm underneath her legs and the other on her back to carry her bridal-way. “Wh-what?! This is really necessary?”

“Hold on, I got you” His thumb moving around the bottom of her back, his movements, and the feeling of his warm body closer to hers making her relax. “I’ll show you something, breath and don’t scream”

And suddenly they weren’t at her living room, but at the rooftop of some skyscraper. So high she could feel her sight twisting.

“Hey, hey…” His muffled voice was calm against her ears, his soft grip tightening a little in reassurance of her safety. “I’m here, I’m here, it’s okay.”

“F-fuck! Why? Why are we here?”

“I need to show you” His tone didn’t hide he was nervous, worried about something. “Please close your eyes.”

As she does what he requested, his arm on her back loosen his grip and a hint of panic stars to grow inside her. I’m going to…

“You are not going to fall. I will never let something bad happen to you.” His voice is bold and so sure-footed that she decides not to complain, even thought she knew that it wouldn’t be their reality sooner when he’ll get back to his world. His fingers gently touching her eyes and she feels something changing in the air. The air around them shaking and heavy. His powers…

“Open your eyes, Y/N, please.”

As she opens her eyes, she knew something was different. In front of her there was still the night city, above her the skies. But she could see energy, colourful energy arising from each place she could catch a sight. “What- WHAT?” She screamed in disbelief. “What did you do to me?!”

He bit his lips in a worried expression. “I did nothing. I had this theory but…” He couldn’t look at her anymore, it was painful. “I just managed to unlock your own cursed energy, I don’t know how, I had these feeling and it just…”

They remained in silence for what seemed like hours, even though night were still ruling hard the skies up them. Their bodies close to each other, their warm protecting them from that cold night, from that scary truth. What the hell I am?

“Y/N”

“Uh. What?”

“I need your help to get back to my world. I need your help to get back to my students. You do know what happened to them after my arrive, don’t you?”

main navi | masterlist

#sofi is writing — jjks #jjk gojo #gojo satoru x reader #gojo reader #gojo fluff #gojo x female reader #gojo hcs #gojo satoru fanfic #gojo satoru fluff #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fluff #gojo satoru jjk #jjk headcanons #jjk fanfics #gojo x you

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razorblade180 · 3 years

Text

Emercury Day 7: Reunion

Fairytales don’t exist. An obvious fact, yet some people seemed to forget it or never learned it in the first place. Emerald, she was given that fact since the day she was born. It may have plagued her mind and actions in unspeakable ways known and unknown. Emerald hated this fact, but she never denied its power; its truth in showing just how cold Remnant could be. That truth forced her to grow up strong, keen to the world’s problems. Fairytales had no room or place in a heart raised by the streets.

Or so Emerald hoped. Maybe it was the optimistic light of those she believed to be naive that surrounded her? Perhaps she had finally reached a new understanding of life that persuaded her, or maybe it was something much simpler? Like a smile, a boy’s smile. She didn’t know when it started but that smile had meant many things to her. After all, Mercury saw life the same way she did yet managed to take things in much stronger strides. It was amazing in Emerald’s eyes, for a time... Now she found herself wishing Mercury was just a little weaker like she thought herself to be. If he was, then maybe today would different. Maybe they could stand beside one another again instead of at gun and blade point battered and bruised. Fairytales don’t exist, but Emerald found herself clinging to the idea with shaky hands just this once. Reunions sneak up on people. You never know if it’ll happen in a random store, or over sword inside a vault.

Mercury:Put, the guns, down.

Emerald:You....you know I can’t do that.

Mercury:Emerald, I’m not asking.

Emerald:......

Mercury:Damnit Em- DROP YOUR GUNS!

Emerald:Drop the sword! And then walk away.

Mercury:Tsk, do you think Salem-

Emerald:Not just from the sword, from her. From all of this, just walk away.

Mercury:And what, paint a target on my back!?

Emerald:Wouldn’t be the first time.

Mercury:Yeah but in case you haven’t noticed, I’m winning. I didn’t stumble into this like you and then proceed to devote myself to a nobody! So how long are you gonna ride this wave before bailing, again.

Emerald:Shut up.

Mercury:Why? Because I’m right? All you ever do is paint targets on your back. You just lucky and found a group dumb enough to overlook it.

Emerald:They’d overlook yours too.

Mercury:...Oh you cannot be trying to-

Emerald: I’m saying you have to, but we both know it’s not the worst decision.

Mercury:Having Salem against you sounds as bad as a decision can get!

Emerald:Worse than proving your own use to avoid death!? Having the law constantly breathing down your neck and sharing the same space as that freak of serial killer!? Mercury, for once there’s a choice that isn’t just survive and sleeping with an eye open. Team RWBY-

Mercury:Died in Atlas. What, you didn’t think Cinder was parading that achievement around?

Emerald:....

Mercury:Sigh, face it Emerald. You keep backing the wrong horse and it’s to anybody who gives a fake smile and tells you “I care.” It’s-

Emerald:They’re not dead.

Mercury:...What?

Emerald:They’re. Not. Dead. The two of us should know better than anybody those four in particular comeback like a headache. *smiles* So don’t count them out yet, just like how I’m not gonna count you out either. Salem is terrifying, I know that first hand and honestly I feel like kicking myself every day I realize who I’m defying; but I gotta tell ya being scared and fighting is a lot more manageable than being scared and feeling trapped.

Mercury:Who says I’m scared?

Emerald:Don’t pull that crap with me. I know you. You hide it better than me but you’ve always been on the fence about this. You wouldn’t be so focused on doing what your told if you weren’t.

Mercury:Final warning, move.

Emerald:.... Fine. You wanna be stubborn then we guess I’ll be too.

Mercury:Don’t say I didn’t warn-

She dropped her guns, effortlessly. Confused, Mercury watched his former partner stand with open arms in front of him. The resolve inside her was clear in her worried, emotional red eyes.

Emerald:If you really believe you’re right where you need to be, then kill me. Right here right now, because that is the only way you’re gonna get back to Salem. Should be easy, right?

Mercury:.....

Emerald:It’s kinda funny ya know? *tearing up* Hehe, I knew sooner or later I’d have to bump into you. I can’t count how many times since we met that I wanted to do nothing more than punch that smug face of yours. But I’ll be honest *crying* this is the one fight I don’t want to have. So I’m not going to. Your move Merc.

She steps closer, allowing the tip of the blade to barley pierce her chest. There she could feel the weight of it, and the slight unsteadiness of how it was with by uncertainty. Mercury tried to pull it back but Emerald took hold of the sword by the blade, keeping it near her heart. She wasn’t gonna let Mercury have an out on his terms. He was only leaving with it over a dead body.

Mercury:Let go.

Emerald:Make me. Just lean forward.

Mercury:Em-

Emerald:What!? Getting cold feet!? I thought I was supposed to be the one constantly second guessing!? Cut me down! Throw me away like life did! You say I foolishly follow those who tell me they care then punishment me for it! Be the one doesn’t care.

Mercury:Shut up.

Emerald:Be just like Cinder! Like Tyrian! Like your father!

Mercury:I’M NOTHING LIKE HIM!!!!

His voice echoed like thunder and his body shook like an earthquake. That calm and smug smile Emerald had grown fond of was nowhere to be seen. Replaced with a scowl fueled with frustration and eyes conflicted by his own logic colliding with his feelings. Emerald slowly traced down the blade, her finger tips barely reaching his,

Emerald:Then stop sinking to their level. Stop pretending you don’t care about anything more than you, or how great you feel. Be scared, regretful, doubtful even; be weak Mercury. Allow yourself to be weak for once in your life, and I’ll take the lead. Because that’s what partners do. They protect each other.

Mercury:H-Happy endings don’t exist for people like us, you know that.

Emerald:Yeah well, I’m a thief. I’ll take one with my own hands, for the both of us. Besides if I learned one thing recently, what’s the harm in hoping for one, a miracle? Mercury...please, stand by me again?

His grip on the hilt tightened. How was there? How could a person’s gaze disarm him so much. They way Emerald stared, her pleading eyes looking at something in him that Mercury himself wasn’t sure he had. It was enough to make anybody waver. Overwhelmed, he shut his eyes to avoid it then gritted his teeth. With one final shout, Mercury let the sword go. His fist balled up in anger and his head faced the floor. He dared not open his eyes. He knew if he did that then there would be no concealing the tears he held back.

Mercury:You’re cruel, asking so much of me all the time. You know that right?

Emerald:Yeah well, what can I say? I’m greedy like that.

Mercury:....

Mercury:I thought you died in Atlas.

Just like that, Emerald felt something in her snap. Tears flowed freely and she dropped the sword, instinctively pulling Mercury into her embrace; receiving one back just as quickly. The way his arms wrapped around her body. It was as if he was holding on for dear life. The sound of strained breath from his lips only made her squeeze tighter. She dared not let him go or mention his confined cries. Emerald just kept hugging him. Her partner, her fairytale in this cold world.

Emerald:We’re okay. We are going to be okay.

#rwby #emercury week #emerald sustrai #rwby ships #emercury

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beauregardlionett · 3 years

Text

between the flashes

AO3 Link

Beau was always restless.

In elementary school, her teachers gave her one of those rubber wiggle cushions to sit on, just to keep her in her seat. Her parents let her partake in multiple after-school sports because it meant she would come home already worn out. They wouldn’t have to deal with her energy, and it looked good on college applications later down the line. She had a borderline obscene collection of fidget toys to her name and too many hobbies that she picked up and abandoned when they bored her.

Her friend Caleb from college often commented that he thought her natural state of existence was pure movement.

So how she ended up working part time as a model was beyond Beau. The journey from point A to B became muddled, but it likely began with Beau picking it up as a hobby and then forgetting to put it down again.

Granted, modeling was not a static thing. It involved constantly changing poses, making minute adjustments according to direction or impulse, and sometimes even changing or manipulating outfits. Sitting for hair and makeup was a torturous experience, so Beau had of course learned how to do it on her own. At least it kept her hands in motion.

Whenever she got to do dynamic shoots, Beau remembered why she stuck with modeling this long. They included everything she loved about the gig. Sometimes she got to travel, most of them were outside, and they often involved skills she had picked up from all of those sports she used to partake in.

“Beau,” Yasha called from behind the camera, sounding fondly exasperated. “I know you want to get outside, but you have to hold still for this photo.”

Yasha was an up-and-coming photographer that The Rexxentrum Times had described as “a photographer with a stunningly robust portfolio capturing everything from the playful mundane to the shockingly vulnerable”. She was also, more importantly, Beau’s girlfriend.

To most everyone’s surprise, it was Yasha who had approached Beau first, asking with her trademark quiet hesitance if Beau would model for a shoot. At the time Yasha asked, she was fresh out of college and Beau was two years in and changing her major. She had volunteered to model for an art class that Yasha had been in before her graduation. Apparently she’d made an impression.

The impulsive part of Beau told Yasha yes simply because she found Yasha attractive. The intelligent part of Beau bolstered the continuation of their business partnership after seeing the products of that first shoot.

Falling in love between the flashes had been an inevitable and welcome consequence.

“But babe,” Beau whined, adjusting her pose per Yasha’s patient direction. “I need to run around.”

“We’re almost done, Beau,” Yasha chuckled as she adjusted the light off to the side. “Then I’ll set you loose in a field in an outfit you can get as dirty as you’d like.”

“Fuck yes!” Beau cheered, settling into the nuances of her pose when Yasha stepped back behind the camera. A few snaps and quiet instructions later, Yasha straightened up, clicking through the photos on her display and smiling. It was that tiny, secret and pleased little spread of Yasha’s lips accompanied by an uptick at the corner of her mouth. Beau learned it was an unconscious reaction to her own work when she analyzed the satisfying, finer details.

Eager to see the raw photos, Beau bounded over and draped herself over Yasha’s back, arms flopping over her shoulders.

The concept for Yasha’s latest round of photos centered on flowers - their meaning, depiction, stereotypes and misconceptions. There was some implication among the stills about the flowers being the person, but art had always been beyond Beau. She could appreciate it, sure; all that deeper meaning stuff she would rather listen to Yasha wax poetic about than figure it out herself.

But this photo, this last pose, Beau needed no explanation. Despite being the one in the photo, she hardly recognized herself, feeling breathless.

Beau was in dark red cigarette pants and a deep crimson top. The sleeveless illusion neckline that fastened with a high collar around Beau’s neck offset the fitted sweetheart bodice. There were fake rubies in her ears, her features accentuated by the red eyeshadow on her lids, and the deepest red matte lipstick Beau owned. Yasha had her barefoot and sprawled sideways on an antique chaise lounge, leaning against the raised end with her cheek against her arm. Her hair hung loose, barely styled more than brushing out the waves and crimps from having her hair up in a bun most of the day. It hung over the arm of the lounge, long and dark.

In one hand, dangling toward the floor, Beau held a fistful of red rose petals, more scattered over the floor and the chaise. Between her teeth, she bit down on the blunt stem of a red rose in bloom, making it seem as if the flower was growing from her tongue.

Yasha had told her to go for something like desire with her expression. Everything about the setup of this photo seemed to expect some derivative of sexual interpretation. But Yasha wanted to take that capitalistic view point and have Beau model love - unadulterated affection.

The pose and staging were not what took Beau’s breath away, not the make-up or the flowers, the clothes or the composure. It was her own godsdamned eyes.

She looked right at the camera, but her focus seemed fixated past the lense. The skin around the corners of her eyes was smooth, her brow relaxed. There was a light in her irises, deep and yet affectionate. It softened the rough edges of how Beau presented herself as a model, as a person, and transformed her into love.

Without a doubt, she was looking at Yasha.

“This is beautiful, Beau,” Yasha said, sounding awed. “You look perfect.”

“All thanks to you,” Beau replied, both genuine and attempting to duck praise she still struggled to accept.

Yasha, ever attuned to each of Beau’s fluctuating frequencies, beamed at her. They leaned in together to observe the display, shoulder to shoulder.

“I assume you’re ready to go run in a field now, right?” Yasha was clearly trying to sound cheeky. Her tone, however, was a little too breathy, eyes far too distracted by Beau’s dark red lips to succeed.

“Absolutely,” Beau murmured. It was hard to miss how close their noses were to brushing.

Yasha hummed in response, leaning a little further toward Beau.

Suddenly, this all seemed like a lot.

Beau loved Yasha - in a whole and all-encompassing way. But it wasn’t something she just said every day. It was a gentle, ever present simmer of a thing. Love lived in her chest and made itself known in minuscule ways. She felt it like a tingle in her fingertips when she and Yasha traded coffee creamer and jam jars as they made breakfast. Love shaped her smile in a million different degrees whenever Yasha did something extremely...Yasha. It released her most honest form of laughter late at night when it was just the two of them and a bottle of wine.

Love appeared as wildflowers picked on a whim - not intentional roses. It lingered like Yasha’s favorite band t-shirt from high school Beau now had as part of her own wardrobe - not slimming pants and sexy shirts.

And while their first kiss had been the product of a dramatic build-up of emotion and pining, this was not them now. She trusted Yasha, but this unexpected snapshot of vulnerability destabilized Beau and found her unprepared for the aftershocks.

Beau was impulsive when overwhelmed.

Yasha leaned in for a kiss, lips parted just so, eyes closed, a breath away. Beau puckered her lips and blew a quick burst of air right against Yasha’s mouth.

Yasha pulled back sharply, blinking in surprise as she stared down at Beau. Unable to help it, Beau laughed at the expression on Yasha’s face, who was quick to recover, more than used to Beau’s antics. Grinning, she made a grab for Beau, who danced out of Yasha’s reach, laughing louder as she squealed and darted around the studio.

Beau moved fast, but Yasha was right on her heels and had strength and impressive reach working for her. It didn’t take long for her to catch Beau by the waist, twirling her around in a back hug. She used their position to her advantage, peppering quick, tickling kisses over Beau’s shoulders and neck. Beau squirmed and giggled, trying to either wriggle to freedom or twist around in Yasha’s arms so that she could fight back with kisses of her own. Eventually, breathless, Beau gave up and let Yasha hold her, both drunk off of laughter as Yasha put her down.

Twisting around once her feet met the floor, Beau looked up at Yasha, cheeks aching with her grin. There was nothing but absolute adoration shaping Yasha’s expression as she brushed Beau’s hair back from her face. Something vulnerable gave a mild twist beneath Beau’s ribs, but she didn’t pull away or stop smiling.

She trusted Yasha. Now that Beau had her balance, her feet stable beneath her, it became easier to face everything.

Yasha leaned in and kissed Beau’s brow with gentle attention. Beau clung to Yasha’s wrist where she cradled Beau’s cheek.

“Thank you,” Beau whispered - for what, even she didn’t know. But Yasha seemed to understand.

“Now,” Yasha said, pulling back with a grin. “Ready to go outside?”

“Hell yeah!” Beau cheered, darting off to gather her next outfit and make-up wipes.

She might not always have the wherewithal to put her emotions into words, but she had Yasha. That was more than enough.

#cr #critical role #beauyasha #beauregard lionett #yasha #writing #my writing #please accept this small modern au photographer and model au chapter #blah blah something about the night yorb

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katsumiiii · 3 years

Note

BHM ain't fairing so well on TikTok either. Im READY for March. Let's go down the list for everything that happened IN FEBRUARY ALONE.

Black women were labeled the most racist people on earth.

People are expecting transactional activism (not doing anything themselves)

Black Hispanics apparently do not exist

I'm single AND broke asf

In the anime community:

Multiple black cosplayers are BULLIED off TikTok because of the color of their skin (Niggdoriya).

Despite being really similar to Meg the Stallion and being DRAWN like her, we're black washing Miriko

That Mina pin was fake. I'll give them that. Drawing her with afrocentric feature is cool, but not the skin change (Apparently)

Multiple racist pieces of shit are being racist pieces of shit and black anime watchers are "COMING OUT" with their racist stories, like it's a sexuality and sumthin Taboo

Dusty ass cosplayers having audacity to fuck with Awesome Black cosplayers

They saying the reason Zeno won is because he's black

First of all, dude had a movie, and a game to go with that voice acting. Hawks popularity also fucking skyrocketed during voting time, amd since the MHA fandom is HUGE, people are gonna be biased. But lemme tell you, if Colleen Clinkenbeard or Christopher Sabat was up there, I would've voted for them. But guess what...

People from out racial demographic are blamming Asians for the Coronavirus, justifying hate crime which is fucking stupid.

People are defending Asians from racism, saying that they don't know any better, which is fucking stupid

This one black teacher who teaches English in Japan talked aboht his experiences in Japan as a black man and people are calling him racist for talking bout his own experiences, fetishizing Japan (once again)

White people not understand why black people don't laugh at the racist jokes towards minoric groups. (They ALL unfunny

Liking Black women and having common decency for black people is apparantly an accomplishment

The African Dispora is beefing for no reason

African Americans don't have any culture (it's apparently just American culture)

Some white women are trying to victimize themselves.

Black people should forget about Slavery since The Jews forgave Germany (So many flaws that argument, JEWS had to come thru and say how that doesn't make sense

Some black women out here really tryna justify their prejudice and homophobia.

Black men are victimizing themselves (including my dad), not seeing how black women feel.

This was all this month on my FYP. This month.

I'm not ashamed to be black and I would say that I'm surprised, but we were literally raised on the teachings of the dangers of being black.

...anyways, I had salad for dinner.

it’s the fact that black people has to deal with so much hatred within other communities and then turn around and deal with it in their own community for me 😐

1. the hatred against black women(who have done nothing but stand by black men’s sides and help them when they were on their last legs, only to not gain the same respect in return)

2. internalized homophobia from within the black community, ESPECIALLY from black men who feel the need to constantly harass the gay community, knowing we as people personally knows how it feels to be discriminated against

3. colorism, which has seemed to be AMPLIFIED to an even larger scale towards darkskins ESPECIALLY dark skinned women. colorism is another mechanism that white people have used to try and control the black community. it was impliemted during SLAVE times with things such as the “mulattos” or “lighter skinned” slaves would work in the house (which was barely better than the fields, with the women and men getting forcefully raped and such) while the darker colored slaves would work in the fields. it was also used during segregation, for example “the paper bag test” where black people who were “lighter than a paper bag” were able to be in areas and participate in activities with whites, while the darker colored black people were not

5. not only do we have to deal with anti-blackness within OUR OWN community but in OTHER poc communities as well. a prime example being people of the asain community, bringing down BLM and saying how they were here for our time of need so why aren’t we there for theirs? black people will always stand by other people of color in their time of need, but when those same people of color feel the need to constantly bring us down to put their message out there it’s honestly very disheartening. what does BLM have to do with the current discrimination against asians? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, yet again we are being attacked for something we have no involvement in. poc are supposed to stick together and lift each other up in their hard times, not attack each other and drift further apart

6. we have to deal with racist white people constantly berating us and telling us to get over our generational traumas, segregation was less than 60 years ago, my fucking grandmother was alive for that shit. yet we’re supposed to “forgive and forget” over 400+ years of violence and discrimination against our people? make it make sense

all in all this BHM was ass

but I hope your salad was good 😌

#sleepers #ecstasy

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count-woe-laf · 3 years

Text

You can’t spell stargaze without gays

I write? Since when? Yes I’m aware the title makes no sense, I’m uncreative. This was supposed to be a late birthday present for @me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink but it’s super late now, I still enjoyed writing it and planning it with her, I hope you’re having a great day, Silver. I’m sorry I got science facts wrong and I don’t know how to end things or how normal people talk

Logan and Virgil are hopeless pining gay idiots with horrible communication skills, but they’re working on it. (Romantic analogical, very background royality and platonic dukeceit.) 1850 words

"Bring me a diet coke!" Virgil called to Roman as he ran out of the truck, through the gravel parking lot, and towards the bright 7/11.

Logan let out a small laugh from next to him. "You know he's going to spend an hour flirting with the cashier and forget."

"Yeah I know, it's fine. Surprising that he's moved up from panicking around Patton to flirting with him, that's what I call character development."

"Character development that's gone on for ten too many seasons."

"True. But while he's in there I have more time to spend with you," Virgil replied with a smirk, Logan's cheeks reddening.

"You all are disgusting," called Remus from the backseat.

"I agree," Janus sighed. "Though I can do many things, understanding allos is not one of them."

"Then get out of my truck," Virgil jokingly glared into the rearview mirror.

"It's Roman's truck-" Logan started, Virgil shifted his glare towards him. "Ok yeah, get out."

"Think we can find bigfoot, Jan?"

"We're only half an hour away from the city, try again," but Janus let himself be dragged out into the nearby forest.

Logan and Virgil were left alone, thoughts of what had gone on the past week between them running through their heads. The hand brushes, the late night phone calls, the hoodies, the excessive amount of feelings that for once, neither of them minded. There was always more to say though.

"You can see lots of stars from out here," Virgil commented rather nervously. "You should come outside with me and look at them."

It was an offering just for Logan. He was the only one allowed to stargaze with Virgil while others were flirting in a 7/11 and being chaotic in a forest. Logan and Virgil in the bed of a truck staring at the night sky. ...Well, one of them was looking at the stars.

"You know to stargaze you actually have to look at them, right? You can just look at me, V."

"Who's saying you're not a star? 'Cause you definitely are, love."

"Love?" Logan tilted his head towards Virgil's red face.

"Uh-" Virgil looked away quickly. "What is that constellation? It looks like a spoon."

"Do you seriously not know? That's the big dipper, it's part of the constellation ursa major."

"You're the science-y one here, how would I know?" Logan just sighed. "You should keep talking though, I love your voice."

"Oh… Well that's the northern star…"

"Why is it called that?"

"Um, it's the most northern star, I believe astronomers base things off of it."

Virgil snoted, "wow. Star dudes sure are creative."

Logan looked over, an indescribable emotion on his face. "Pardon me, but did you just call astronomers, 'star dudes'?"

Virgil stared back, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Star. Dudes."

"...I will defenestrate you."

"Oh?"

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Yeah," Virgil said. "It means you pick me up and I get to simp over your muscles."

"It also means I throw you out of a window."

"I'll take what I can get." Logan let out a fond sigh. "Ok 'cause your constellations are boring and factual- don't worry I still love them- but I'm telling stories now."

"You're going to kill me."

"In your dreams, babe."

"What's that supposed to-"

"Over there is Elenor, it kinda looks like a bunny, I know. Their boyfriend is Jesse over there-"

"Virgil I swear, I'm leaving you in the forest." Logan's words gave a much different meaning when he was struggling to keep in his laugh.

Virgil chucked. "Oh Logan, so naive, there's so much more. Those three stars? Yeah they're Bo Peep's sheep."

Logan choked, the statement taking him by surprise. "Excuse me? You can't just…"

"Y'know, from Toy Story? Doesn't she have three sheep or something? I swear that was a plot point in one of the movies."

"The threat of being thrown out of a window still stands, Virge."

"Good, now that star over there…"

"Her name is Jennifer, she got a constellation for making the best bean salad."

Virgil tried to hold in a laugh. "And what did you say that one was?"

Logan was so enamoured with Virgil's laugh that he almost didn't notice him intertwining their fingers. Almost. He still had to take a breath to regain his nearly non-existent composure. Although fifteen minutes couldn't have passed, Logan could tell that it was a good decision to accept Roman's offer for a fake road trip.

"That guy with the belt?" Logan continued. "He was the first person to invent clothes. Quite the fashion icon for his time."

"Oh yeah?" Virgil giggled and Logan's heart stuttered in his chest.

"Yeah, he was also the only straight man in his village. It was very controversial." Virgil hummed in response, trying to calm his laughter.

"We're pretty controversial."

"What do you mean by that?"

"We're lying in the bed of Roman's truck, well past midnight and the city limits, looking at stars. Janus and Remus are probably lost in the forest and Roman and Patton have probably gotten over their gay panic and are planning their wedding together."

"I'm not sure how that's controversial, but it is interesting that we've achieved nothing compared to them." Logan's eyes drifted back to the stars.

"I think not getting lost is a plus." He made a noise of agreement. "And uh… I know we're not as vocal about stuff like the others but… Dating you wouldn't be bad." It came out more like a question, causing Logan to look back at him.

"Fuck- I mean-" Virgil ran a hand down his face. "It would actually be really really nice if I could be your boyfriend because- ugh stop staring at me like that! It's just that you're really great and nice to be around and to talk to and I can't imagine you not being in my life. A-and I know we've been kinda sorta dating but you know how dumb we both are about romance and all that stuff- oh god this is romance, I can't believe that…

"I just really like you, Logan and I need to make sure you know that."

Virgil's words swirled into the air, into the sky, into that great expanse of stars and light.

They laid there and stared at the stars, thinking, considering, and a fair amount of staring on Logan's side.

He couldn't help it, really. He couldn't stop his eyes tracing the curve of his jaw, his bitten lips, the words that previously escaped them were still spinning through Logan's head. And Virgil's hair, his adorably messy hair that was usually hanging in front of his eyes, was pushed to the side, Logan could see a galaxy reflected in his beautiful eyes.

Virgil was his galaxy, his sun, his stars. He had kept him sane through years of school. He constantly went out of his way just to brighten Logan's day a little bit more, and brighten he did.

Virgil meant everything to him and he'd be damned if he went home tonight without showing him that.

"Didn't… Didn't you say you always wanted to go stargazing with your partner?"

"Uhh, yeah." Virgil replied hoarsely.

"I suppose you get to cross that off your list, then." Logan wondered how he suddenly had some semblance of smoothness to his words.

"Oh."

The stars seemed awfully bright that night, especially in the way they reflected off Virgil's freckles.

"Is… Is that a shooting star?" Virgil lifted his free hand, tracing the bright line across the map of stars.

"There's no such thing as shooting stars." Virgil rolled his eyes. "But, I… do believe that's a satellite."

"Then make a wish."

"That's stupid and makes no sense, wishing on a satellite has no affect on my life."

"Just do it, my northern star."

Logan's red face was a reflection off the far away street lights, nothing else. "Am I supposed to tell you what I wished for?"

"Not really, but you can. I'd love to know what goes on in that brilliant head of yours."

"My head is empty, unfortunately." Virgil laughed, he did that quite a bit around him. "I wished that we'd have a good relationship. Apologizes, is that weird, or too soon? I… just mean that we're both terrible at communicating, I hope that we can improve together as a couple."

“Oh."

Although Virgil may not have realized it, Logan noticed as he lightly brushed his thumb over his hand. It was stupidly endearing and soft, just as Virgil was.

"That's probably the cutest thing anyone's ever said that slightly regards me."

"Glad I can be of service, darling."

"So darling is what you go with?"

"Would you prefer something else?"

"...No. If I can call you my boyfriend you can call me whatever you want." Virgil smiled. "…You're my boyfriend. That's nice to say."

"It is. I wonder how I stumbled upon a boyfriend as good as you."

"You- you need to stop doing that," Virgil blushed.

"I'm not doing anything!" Logan shifted closer to him, for heating purposes of course, it was a little chilly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know full well."

"Do I really, Virgil?"

"Shut up and look at the stars."

"Make me."

"Logan I swear-"

"Fine, fine, I will." Virgil mumbled thanks under his breath. "But they aren't as pretty as you."

Virgil let out a noise, a mix between a screech and a cough. There was no way he was showing Logan how fluttery his words made his heart feel. (Although he felt it was common knowledge among them.)

"There's around twenty minutes until the others get back, that's twenty minutes to mess with you."

"I'm already regretting this, Lo."

"As you should, my love."

Yes, their friends may have interrupted their stargazing a few minutes later. Yes, Roman may have forced Patton to leave his shift early resulting in one too little seats and an angry boss. Yes, they may have almost ran out of gas on the way home. Yes, they may have bought fries as Janus looked for a gas station. Yes, they may have fallen onto the floor seconds later. Yes, Remus may have jumped out of the car afterwards because he said it looked fun and almost sprained his ankle. And yes, Roman did have to explain the situation five times to his parents because they couldn't stop laughing about all the shenanigans they got into that night.

Still, Virgil's arm stayed around Logan's waist like it was the most casual thing in the world. Still, they shared a milkshake once everyone had given up on the fallen fries. Still, they were both filled with such a bright happiness that it was impossible to drag them down. And maybe they fell asleep on a video call that night. Or maybe Logan stayed over and they woke up with their limbs tangled in each other's, feeling content and appreciative of the other as they slowly woke up. Honestly, who's to say? It was just a good night.

#analogical #logan sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #hope y'all enjoyed this because I'm kinda proud of it #love you sil #ts logan #ts virgil #also yeah i have a taglist tell me if you want to be added #pen throws away a pen

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annabethy · 4 years

Note

I need a date for this wedding + fake dating AUUUU

two in a million

in which percy and annabeth are on a date, and they realize that they’re only two people in a city of millions

Annabeth knew that this was a bad idea the second Percy brought it up. She should’ve shut it down, right then, but she didn’t and now she’s stuck at someone’s wedding in uncomfortable high heels and Percy’s hand alarmingly close to her ass.

All Percy has to do is take one look at her before he looks like he’s going to have a stroke from holding in his laughter.

Annabeth adjusts the sleeve of her black cocktail dress, roughly shoving his arm away from her. “Shut up.”

Percy isn’t deterred. His arm makes its way back to her waist, the other sneaking around this time so that she is trapped in his arms. He brushes his lips against her ear. “Do you really find me that repulsive?”

“Overbearingly so,” she grunts as she tries to pry his hands apart from in front of her. “Let go.”

She thinks Percy is going to fight her, just like he has done with everything she’s ever said in her entire life, but instead he let her slip out from his grasp, smothering a smile with his fist. “Do you need a break?”

Annabeth takes a moment to look outside the glass doors of the wedding venue. They’re high up in the building, and she can see the snowflakes swirling to the ground outside, but she was already imagining the cold wind against her cheeks. “Yeah,” she breathes, “I do.”

It takes a lot of winding in and out of the crowd before they’re even able to reach the doors. Annabeth isn’t entirely sure whose wedding this is, but she’d like to have a talk about the guest list because this was just insane. Percy holds open the door for her, which actually causes her to blink in surprise, before she slides through. The door closes with a click behind them, the blasting music fading to nothing but a dull thrum.

The wind feels icy against her skin as she approaches the railing of the terrace. It’s nighttime, and they’re so high up she can see everything in the New York skyline. The roads are bustling with people and cars because this is the city that never sleeps, and she watches it to calm herself down. She hadn’t even realized how tense she had been, but she supposes she’s always been that way in new situations.

Percy slides in next to her, leaning forwards and lacing his fingers together on the rail. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be honest and say that this is a little weird,” she says. Her eyes trace over every building in the horizon. “Being on a date with someone who hates you.”

“I don’t hate you,” he says. Annabeth shoots him a look. “I just strongly dislike you.”

“And somehow I ended up as your date to the wedding.”

“Thought the architecture in you would appreciate the skyline.”

Annabeth rolls her eyes. “Whatever.”

“I’m being serious.”

Annabeth hums in doubt, and they fall back into silence. There’s something ethereal about New York at night. It’s sublime in a way, knowing that there are millions of people on this island, each with their own lives and own stories to tell. It’s a concept she can hardly grasp onto, knowing that in the grand scheme of things, she means nothing. To the people around her, sure, but she’s just one person in millions who are just trying to survive.

Annabeth sniffles, her nose beginning to run in the cold. Percy doesn’t offer her his jacket, and she appreciates it. She never been one to rely on another person like that.

“It’s beautiful,” he whispers, captivated by the glowing lights. “Isn’t it?”

“It’s like you read my mind.”

“I did,” he states.

“Oh, yeah? What am I thinking then?”

Percy gives her a lopsided grin, barely illuminated in the night sky, before he’s looking back towards the roads. He breathes in deeply before answering. “You’re thinking that everything around us is insane. This view, right here, is heavenly, transcendent—”

“Look at you using big words.”

“—and it’s meaningless. Something so beautiful would mean something surely, but it really doesn’t. We’re two people, just like there are two people stepping into a taxi on fifth avenue, or two people walking along the sidewalk. We’re just human, and it doesn’t really mean anything.” He turns to her. “Sure, we all think we’re important, because we’re the center of our own universe. But if you think about it, we’re really only here for maybe seventy years. Whatever we think we accomplish isn’t going to matter in a century or two.”

Annabeth laughs softly. “You’re making me doubt my existence.”

“That’s what you were thinking though, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. It was. How did you know?”

“I just know you, Annabeth.”

And it’s weird, because this is the boy that she’s been competing with for years. They’re constantly at each other’s throats, trying to one up the other, and it’s exhausting, but invigorating at the same time. Still, to know that he knows her as well as he does is… she doesn’t quite know. “Well, as your supposed enemy, it’s my job to disagree with you,” Percy continues. “People do matter. They won’t last forever, but their legacy will.”

Annabeth smirks at him, shifting in an attempt to stay warm in the biting wind. “How so?”

“Time can destroy a lot of things, but it can’t destroy art. It can’t destroy peoples’ words.”

“You think so?”

“Isn’t that the whole reason you wanted to go into architecture? To build something permanent?”

She pauses and her heart speeds up. It’s something she said the first time she met him, and never again since then. It was shared across a late-night library run when they were both studying for their first final, and he had been so distracted she thought he hadn’t even heard her. “You remember that?”

He tilts his head. “Of course I do, Annabeth.”

“I’ve never heard that before,” she muses. “Art is the only thing that time cannot conquer.”

“It’s true,” he says. “Think Shakespeare, or Van Gogh. They’re still remembered to this day. And most people aren’t famous until after they die, so even if you think you’re nothing but a tiny speck in this universe, just know that the people after you might cherish the ground you walk on.” Percy lifts himself off the railing. “You, Annabeth Chase, are going to make a difference.”

It’s weird, coming from Percy. They’re at some random person’s wedding, and she’s not even sure Percy knows the bride or groom, yet here they are, standing on a balcony over fifty floors high. It’s all so surreal.

A shiver rakes over Annabeth’s body, and this time Percy doesn’t hesitate before he’s shrugging off the jacket to his suit and resting it over her shoulders. She protests for only a second, but then the warmth is settling in and she can’t bring herself to take it off. It smells subtly of him too, and she never realized how much she likes that before now.

“If it means anything, you’re going to make a difference too,” Annabeth says, looking him directly in his eyes. She can sense something different in the way he was looking at her. It was something she’s never seen before.

“Not all of us were meant to make a difference,” he says. “And that’s okay.”

“Not all of us were,” she agrees, “but something tells me that you were.”

He gives her a soft grin. “Thank you.”

And it’s too soft. This moment is something new to the both of them, and she feels a magnetic pull between them, so she forces herself to back up. “Hey, I didn’t say it was a good difference. Maybe you’re going to push me off this building, and that’ll be your legacy.”

Percy precariously looks over the edge of the building. “Nah. I’d want to be a little bit higher first, you know? Make sure it’s foolproof.”

“Fifty floors not enough for you?”

He laughs again and says nothing else. Their eyes lock once again, and she can’t bring herself to look away this time.

“Thank you for coming with me,” he says, looking back through the glass doors. The party is still in full throttle, and it looks so warm with the hundreds of fairy lights strewn up, but somehow, she doesn’t want to go back inside yet. “I really appreciate it.”

“I still don’t know why you needed me here.”

“I already told you. I thought you would enjoy the view.”

“You were serious about that?”

“I thought we already covered that.”

“Yeah, but.” Annabeth swallows her tongue. “Thank you.”

Percy shuffles his feet for a few seconds. “Okay, so there is something else I should probably tell you still.”

Her face falls. “What?”

“It’s not bad or anything.”

She breathes a sigh of relief.

“Maybe.”

And suddenly, she’s back to panicking.

“So you’re already aware that you’re my date to this thing. We’ve got that covered.”

“Mh-hm.”

“At the end of the night, you’re going to have to kiss me.”

Annabeth does a doubletake. “I’m sorry. What?”

“My aunt is kind of crazy, and she does this thing at weddings where the couples all take one big group picture, and there’s always one where they’re kissing.”

“But… we’re not a couple?”

“That’s another thing.”

“Perseus Jackson.”

“I told them that we were dating?”

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

“I panicked! She can be really pushy!”

Annabeth rubs her eyes, forgetting entirely about the full face of makeup she has on. “So you mean to tell me that you told your aunt that we’re dating?”

“Yes.”

“And now we have to kiss in front of what could be hundreds of people?”

“You got it.”

“I’m going to murder you.” She takes a deep breath. “There has to be a way out of it. We can just say that we’re still pretty new to this, and just don’t feel like it’s the best idea to be a part of the picture.”

“That might work.”

Annabeth claps once. “Good.”

“Except I told them that we’ve been dating for two years.”

“You told them what?”

“I think they’re expecting a proposal soon.”

“I—” She lets out a strangled scream. “Why wouldn’t you tell them you were with Rachel or something?!”

“Ew. I don’t like Rachel.”

“And you think I’m any better!?”

“It appears so.” Percy watches her pace around, the tiniest gleam of humor in his eyes. “It’s just one kiss.”

“It’s just one kiss,” she mocks. “This is embarrassing.”

“I won’t make you do it, but it’ll look really weird if you don’t.”

“I hate you.”

“So you do find me that repulsive then,” Percy says. “Nice to know.”

“I do not!”

And Percy grins mischievously. “I know. Piper told me the things you said about me.”

She chokes. “I’m going to kill both of you now.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Why are you not more panicked?”

“Because it’s just a kiss.”

She nods and swallows hard. “Just a kiss. You’re right. We can do this.”

Percy bites his bottom lip, and she knows he’s fighting laughter with every fiber of his being.

“Stop laughing at me,” she scolds. She looks around once, and the balcony is empty of everyone except them. “Should we… practice?”

It’s Percy’s turn to look surprised. “Practice kissing?”

“Yes.”

“If— if you want to.”

Annabeth nods her head. “I feel like we should so we don’t humiliate ourselves out there.”

Percy shrugs, and a second later, he’s tugging her forwards by her waist. She manages to withhold the shriek, pressing her hand to his chest to steady herself. She feels dizzy standing here in his grasp.

“You okay?” he asks again, looking at her in alarm.

“I’m great,” she responds weakly.

“Are you okay with this?”

She nods once. “Yes. Just get on with it.”

Percy slowly drags her chin up before he captures her lips with his. They stand still as statues, both of them too afraid to move. It’s painfully awkward for both parties, and when he pulls away, she fights the urge to burst out laughing in his face.

“That wasn’t so bad,” he says, but even he doesn’t sound convinced.

“It was terrible.”

“Downright awful.”

Annabeth starts giggling, and she drops her forehead against his chest. He brings his hand to rest on her back, smothering a grin into the top of her hair. It’s suddenly as though a weight has been lifted from her shoulders, so she lifts her head again.

“Should we try again?” she asks.

“I mean.”

Annabeth falters. “Unless you don’t want to.”

“No,” he says, grinning. “I want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Annabeth.”

“What?”

“I want to kiss you.”

Her heart stops, and everything fades into the distance. Cars are honking on the ground below, and people are dancing in the room behind her, but all she can focus on is them. He’s looking at her so earnestly with something akin to love, and she knows that this must have been building for a long time. Maybe from the second she first met him, but it was always going to come down to this moment here. A moment shared between the two of them and no one else.

The space between them slowly disappears until they’re only inches away from one another. She shouldn’t be surprised that this is what it’s come down to. She was kidding herself if she thought that being his fake date was all that this was.

“Then kiss me,” she whispers.

He does.

It’s like a spark of electricity flows between them now, and it’s nothing like anything she’s ever felt before. It’s perfect, and it’s something that she never wants to forget. She presses herself harder against him, feeling him smile against her.

When he does pull away, she’s breathless. He gazes at her with so much emotion that she could break down into tears right then and there, but she doesn’t. Instead, she rests her head in the crook of his neck, breathing him in. They sway back and forth silently until Percy speaks up.

“Damn it,” he laughs. “Does this mean that our first real kiss was at someone else’s wedding?”

“I guess so,” she says.

“Is it bad that I don’t want our first date to be someone’s wedding whose name you don’t even know?”

“Not at all.”

Percy brings his face back to hers to kiss her one more time. “What do you say we get out of here and go on a real date?”

It’s close to midnight, but they live in New York. They have all the time in the world. So she says, with a smile against his lips, “Let’s make it a night to remember.”

And so with one hand in his, Percy leads her back inside. Annabeth throws one glance over her shoulder to look at the glowing night sky, and they’re only two people in a city with millions. Maybe they’re not extraordinary, and maybe every person has a story to tell, but this story is hers and she’s going to make it count.

#percabeth #percy jackson #pjo #annabeth chase #percy jackson and the olympians #my writing #anon #asks

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jay-and-dean · 4 years

Text

Firefly Chapter 7 : Eighteen and twenty-eight years old

By Roonyxx and Jay-and-dean

Pairings : future Dean x reader ?

Summary : 40 years in Hell, but he didn’t spend all this time all alone, he had her.

Prepare to know what happened during those years Dean never talks about. To immerge yourself in Hell, only lit by the mysterious kid growing here…

And to see some of your favorite villains again : Crowley, Lilith, Lucifer… And also Sammy and Jack…

Serie Warnings : Hurt!Dean, Hell (torture, even if we tried to not give it graphic descriptions, creepy demons, blood, violence), swearing, angst, future fluff and smut.

This story is in both Reader’s POV and Dean’s POV

Wordcount : 4330

Note : This is our second collaboration. We can’t both edit the same post, so we decided we would post 1 chapter/2 each, like we did for Same.

We both worked as much on this story and it’s the result of both our brains but also both our hearts.

Please, if you want to show love for this story, don’t forget we were together in this.

This story will be around 10 chapters and we intend to edit it every Saturday if nothing delays it.

Firefly Chapter 1

Firefly Chapter 2

Firefly Chapter 3

Firefly Chapter 4

Firefly Chapter 5

Firefly Chapter 6

Jay’s Masterlist

Roonyxx Masterlist

——————————————————————————

She wasn’t moving at all. Sitting on the bench in the middle of this ocean of life, she watched people walk by. The sun had gone down now, after moving from building to building, making giant shadows change the whole city constantly.

She was overwhelmed, unable to move at all. Her eyes were drinking the world like new born baby’s ones. None of her muscles moved for hours, her fists clinging at her dress, her heart bleeding in silence for Dean.

A few people stopped to ask her if she was okay, but she couldn’t answer, her voice locked in her lungs…

But she finally got up.

After days of hiding in alleys, and walking on boulevards, escaping weird men yelling at her in the dark of night… It started to rain. A heavy, pouring storm rain that made her dress heavy and washed the dust out of her. And that warm loud summer rain somehow woke her from her torpor.

She had to live, and learn everything about life because that’s what Dean wanted for her… But Dean wasn’t here, and he will never be. So she came back to that bench, soaked and shaking, and started to cry for him. She had to be happy for the man she loved, and couldn’t without him…

Her tears only calmed with the rain that day. And even when her eyes stopped crying, her heart never stopped weeping for Dean a single second.

Not when she got up from that bench to find a map of the city on the subway station, not when she found clothes, and ripped that stupid dress of her body… It was still weeping when she first found people in the street and asked her where to find food. It was screaming inside her during her first night in a foster home for homeless people… When she fought for the first time to escape men again.

Her heart was weeping for Dean the first time she laughed, seeing cartoons in a TV store front, when she found out about drugs and abuse, cheating, wealth... when she started to be hungry, when she fell of exhaustion in an alley…

And even if her eyes stayed dry, her soul kept crying when the demons attacked.

Lilith had sent them after her as soon as the Queen noticed Y/n was no longer in Hell. She was hiding in an abandoned building when dozens of demons attacked her, she fought with teeth and nails to get them off and she won, but that wasn’t the end… Lilith kept sending more minions and, exhausted but determined to live, Y/n had only one option left.

She faked her own death. With the help of her powers and some research in the nearby library and in the maze of knowledge she had memorized over the years, she tricked the demons into believing she was dead, and used a certain pattern of sigils to hide herself, cloaked from every supernatural being.

Finally she was free.

So things went easier. After a little while, she met her own little angel : Sue. An older lady who offered Y/n shelter when she caught her dumpster diving her diner. Sue found Y/n a little odd at first, everyone thought that of her, but just as with every person Y/n had met on her way, Sue liked the happy girl she always seemed to be, enthusiastic about the very simpler things ; so she offered Y/n a job as a waitress in her diner.

_____________

Y/n’s window was rolled down as the loud music blasted through the speakers of her raven black 1967 Ford Mustang as she drove to work, still the same job at Sue’s diner. And she was smiling wide on her way, because she loved every single thing about this job.

She parked her car in the lot and made her way inside to take her light blue apron.

“Morning Y/n! How are you doing today sweetie ?” Sue asked.

“You know, same old same old.” Y/N shrugged.

Tying her apron on her, Y/n smiled kindly. She looked so different from what Dean had known, and hopefully different enough so no demon passing by ever recognized her. Her hair was tied together and no longer falling on a waterfall in her back. No more fancy dresses but only jeans and all the t-shirts she liked, with rock bands on it, or her favorite movies posters...

Sue sighed and put her hand on Y/n’s shoulder.

“Are you still working on freeing Prince Charming ?” she asked Y/n with an apologetic smile.

“Yes, I promised I would get him out and I won’t stop until he is” she said determinedly.

When Sue had just found Y/n she kindly offered her to stay at her house until she could get on her own feet. Y/n dreamed a lot about Dean, some dreams worse than the others, so after the third night of her guest screaming Dean’s name, Sue had asked her who he was. Y/n couldn’t tell her everything so she said he was the love of her life and was wrongly imprisoned, and that she had promised to get him out.

“He’s a very lucky guy to have you, Y/n” Sue told her.

“Yeah, I just… I miss him so much…” Y/n said as she made the last knot on her apron.

“I know sweetie, but if you truly love him, he’ll come back, just wait and see” she smiled with that protective expression she always had when it came to her protégée, even if she seemed sometimes perplexed about all those stories she told.

She gave her her note book to write down the orders.

“Yeah I hope so” Y/n clicked on her pen and made her way into the diner to take up the orders of all the customers.

It was a quiet day, she loved this little diner, the food was amazing and it even had a little jukebox she often used. It had given her a shelter, money to live, but also an identity and friends. A life.

Her smile faded like it did sometimes, Dean would have loved this diner too… She thought back to all the things she discovered on Earth.

She did everything Dean had told her about : She went to the movie theater, she learned how to drive (thanks to Sue), she had a date or four, went to a party, she got drunk a few times. She danced alone and with others, kissed a girl and travelled a little. Her appetite for life was never ending, so she had driven to the ocean and dived, she had smoked weird things once and ran in the forest, she had woke in the middle of the night to go buy ice-cream, she had sang in the shower and stayed home for an entire weekend crying while watching bad tv shows… And she even lost her virginity to a sweet boy. But nothing could get her mind off Dean, calm her weeping heart or divert her from her goal.

Every night she looked up at the stars and imagined him by her side, she could use her power to create an image of him that existed out of a million little stars, well more like a million little fireflies.

A lot of time had passed since she last saw him, her heart broke at the thought of him down there for so long. He must have forgotten her by now, if his soul even survived those many years.

A throat being cleared pulled her from her daydreaming. She turned to find a man smiling at her.

“Oh my apologies, what can I get you, sir ?” she asked the man, there was something unpleasant about him, he had dirty blonde hair and she didn’t like the way his blue eyes were traveling her up and down.

“Are you on the menu ?” he asked her with a sly smile.

Y/n sighed deep, why were a lot of men on Earth such… pigs ?

“No sorry, I was just joking” the man began. “I’ll take a coffee with some pancakes.”

Y/n wrote his order down and left with a forced smile.

He was the only customer today so Y/n handed the paper to Sue so she could make it and sat down at the little bar. She was watching the man in the mirror that hung on the other side of the counter. She couldn’t shake the eerie feeling she got from the man, he looked normal, but she could feel something… something powerful radiating off him.

The bell pulled Y/n out of her haze as she took the coffee and pancake to the man.

“Here you go sir, enjoy your meal” Y/n said as she dropped the food at his table.

“Thank you.”

She was starting to leave when his voice stopped her.

“Can I ask you a question, miss ?” he asked as he took a bite from the pancake.

“Yeah, of course” Y/n shrugged.

“You haven’t been here for long have you ?” he said as he looked at her.

“Uhm no, not very long. Are you from around here ?” Y/n asked, he was just a normal guy, it was impossible for anyone to find her anyway.

“Oh no not at all. But i didn’t mean this diner...” he kept on eating nonchalantly, he swallowed. “I meant Earth.”

Y/n’s eyes went wide, she turned and ran towards the exit only to bump into the man who was just sitting at the table behind her half a second ago.

“Who are you” Y/n asked as she stepped back from him

A deep sigh left his mouth.

“It hurts me that you even have to ask that, Y/n” he blinked and his irises turned to a fiery red.

Y/n ran towards the kitchen to get Sue. She pulled open the door and shrieked as her dear friend fell on her with her eyes burned out.

Dead.

“No ! Sue !” Y/n started shaking, cupping her friend’s face. “WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER ?” Y/n screamed to the man walking in casually.

“She put too much milk in my coffee, so I ended her” he shrugged nonchalantly.

Y/n stood up, her eyes a flare as she widened her arms to unleash her powers. Two fiery tentacles wrapped around the man’s legs.

“You’ll regret this” she said, her voice sounding like a thousand people at once.

The man gave her a sly smirk and snapped his fingers, her powers stopped immediately. She thrusted her hands forward to him, but nothing happened. Fear shone in her eyes as she looked at him in disbelief.

“It’s time we should head home, Y/n” he stepped closer to her, his fingers tilting up her chin.

“We have a family to start” he whispered against her lips with a dark chuckle.

“L-Lucifer” she gasped.

His arms wrapped tight around her and before she could blink she was back in Hell.

The suffocating smell of sulfur and blood made her cough, her whole body started to shake as she started to desperately gasp for air, her lungs crushed by the most powerful anxiety she ever felt. Her arms reached to her enemy in a pleading scratch, like he was strangling her…

“Home sweet home, baby” he cruelly cooed in her ear, his breath heavy on her skin.

She pried her arms between them to push out of his embrace. He chuckled as he let her go and she fell backwards, scrambling away from him.

“Stay away from me!” she finally managed to yell at him, her eyes flaring back to life as she was losing control over her powers.

He tilted his head at her as he watched her, his steps following her every move.

“You are such a pretty thing, I see some potential too. But I was told you were,” he hummed in thought “a pain in the ass. And I’m starting to see why.”

Her eyes were scanning everything, the bloody walls, the frozen air all around her, the never ending screams, the smell of fear and fire.

No she couldn’t be back in Hell…

With a turn of his wrist she was lifted up in the air, she tried to fight his power, but he was too strong… She couldn’t take on the Lord of Hell…

“Y/n, I’m only going to tell you that only once : You will obey and be helpful” he said with every step until he stood nose to nose with her, his eyes drinking her in.

She gave him a sweet smile before she spat in his face.

“Never” she told him.

His hand came up to wipe her spit away, he licked his hand clean, humming at her taste.

“As you wish, Y/n. Then my little slave needs chains...” he sneered.

Iron ropes wrapped around her as soon as the word left his lips, they burned into her flesh making her scream in pain. She fell heavy to the ground at his feet.

“For eternity” he finished as he sat down on his throne.

“No p-please, no chains… everything but chains” she begged him.

“Oh no baby, I know what you used to do when you’re set loose, but forget about that, he isn’t here anyway, no reason to go wandering. Jeal told me all about you and your little lover.” he said as he crossed his legs over each other.

“H-he isn’t ? H-How” she asked, suddenly able to ignore the pain of the iron digging in her flesh.

How was that possible ?

“He got out, Heaven’s plans. Now stop asking or I’ll gag you too” he sighed, looking at her. “I’ll make you your own little cage, like they did for me. No way you’ll get away from this one. And don’t think your daddy will help, he still thinks you’re dead. Everyone does.”

She whimpered in silence, only one thought on her mind. He was free…

Dean Winchester was alive.

________________________

Dean’s Pov

Dean woke up in a little painful whine, he opened his eyes and wiped the sweat off his face and neck, watching the ceiling, trying to focus on the contour of his body, the sheets and the pillow. He took a deep breath to calm his heaving chest.

Another nightmare.

And this one wasn’t the violent surviving of Purgatory, it wasn’t the burning guilt of old fights with John, the crushing pain of seeing Sam die ; it wasn’t the despair of losing Mary again, the disturbing memories of being a demon… It was the worst : Hell.

And among the worst, the tortures and the screams, tonight’s nightmare had to be about the cruellest idea demons ever came up with : fake hope.

In his dream, he was laying on the floor of his cell, barely able to breath because of the blood drowning his lungs, and he felt her hand, her tiny soft fingers wrapped around his wrist to ease his panic. She whispered sweet things to him but when he lifted his eyes to see her face, only Alastair was there, laughing loud and sharpening knives.

Dean stretched and shook his head, like he could get rid of those memories like that. He couldn’t let nightmares get to him, and he couldn’t let his past crush him.

With his guts still aching from the dream, he forced himself to get up. Staying in bed only made the memories clearer, and the trauma cut deeper. He knew only another hunt could ease the pain.

Maybe, just maybe, if he saved enough people, he would finally expiate.

The bunker was silent, even Sam was still sleeping so early in the morning. Walking to the kitchen, he frowned : His knee was still hurting and the bruises on his face and collarbones too.

Damn demon.

He turned to enter the kitchen and jumped a little.

“Hi Dean, sorry I scared you” Jack said, looking up from his bowl of cereal, his big eyes going to the hunter’s wounds quickly. “How are you ?”

“I’m fine. What are you doing up so early ?” Dean grunted, going straight to the coffee in his long grey robe.

“I have trouble sleeping lately” the boy answered, frowning in confusion like he often did.

“Try whiskey” Dean muttered low in a sleepy grunt.

“Alcohol is really not a solution to my problem I think” Jack turned to him, even more confused.

“I was kidding” he sighed, sitting in front of the young boy.

Sometimes Jack really was Castiel’s son…

The hunter scratched his scruff and took the cereal to plunge his hand in the box, eating some while reading the joke behind it.

“I hear a voice in my head” Jack sighed.

Dean looked up, ready to make a mocking joke but he noticed a genuine worry on the boy’s face.

“A voice ?”

“Yes” Jack searched Dean’s face. “At first I thought maybe I overheard something on the angel radio, but… It seems different.”

“What does it say ?”

“I don’t really understand it” Jack shrugged.

“Understand what ?” Sam asked, scratching his head while entering the room with his hair in every direction and the left side of his face still swollen and bruised. “Wow, everyone is up early this morning ! What am I missing ?”

“Jack says he hears a voice” Dean repeated, getting up to get coffee now it was ready. “But he doesn’t know where it comes from or what it says” he groaned slightly.

Please don’t let that be bad news again…

Dean sat heavily, rubbing his tired eyes while his brother interrogated Jack. How long had he been hearing the voices, were there several, was it constant… The boy only had a very few answers.

“We need to find where it comes from, Dean” Sam states, making his brother grunt again in his coffee mug.

That didn’t sound like a good old fight and kill hunt, it sounded like trouble.

_____________________

Dean pushed the heavy metal door and went down the stairs, overhearing his brother, Jack and Castiel talking in the library.

Reaching them, he almost threw the bag on the wooden table, not daring to ask any question seeing the three too serious faces looking at him.

“I guess no good news” he mumbled deep in his throat looking down to grab a beer from the bag.

“Dean” Castiel started with his worried voice, making the hunter look instantly slightly annoyed. “The voice comes from Hell.”

“Hell” Dean repeated casually, taking a sip of beer to wash the word from his mouth. “There are a lot of voices in Hell, it’s pretty loud down there.”

When his eyes fell on Sam, a shiver roamed his back. He had the face, Dean hated that face, the “you’re not going to like it” face. So he put his beer down on the table and sighed.

“What is it ?” he finally asked.

“The voice, Dean” Jack said. “It’s calling you.”

“Me” Dean’s eyes widened. “There can be another dude named Dean in Hell !”

“Dean…” Sam sighed. “Who could be calling you ?”

Dean’s first thought went to Bobby. They had freed him from Hell a few years ago, he was supposed to be in Heaven, and Crowley had decided differently… Maybe someone they lost ? An innocent locked in Hell by mistake ? But Rowena was on the throne now… Would she do that ?

“How can you hear a voice coming from Hell ?” he shook his head. “Do you hear them all ?”

“No” Jack said. “Only this one.”

Dean sat and took a deep breath, realizing this would mean that he would have to visit Hell... again. After those break in, the nightmares were always worse, and last time he had to deal with a panic attack in the shower.

“Okay” he stated. “What is the plan ? And how do we know it’s not a trap ?”

_____________________

“So your plan…” Rowena frowned from her throne, her long dress nonchalantly falling on the floor. “Is letting the boy follow a voice like a dog on a leash ?”

Dean’s face was stern, his arms tense, his heart a little compressed in his chest.

Each time he smelled that horrible sulfur mixed with blood smell, it was like he could feel the chains and the needles and hear Alastair’s voice all over again. Then he had two choices in his mind : Either he accepted it, and stayed with the demon’s croaky voice in his head for days, or focused on what had made him hold on for years back then : the secret girl’s soft touches ; but then the fear was replaced by the crushing feeling of despair and sadness, at knowing he had been fooled that bad, into believing innocence exited.

“More or less” his brother answered. “Rowena, you have to admit it’s something new… And if there are leaks in Hell…”

“Yeah yeah…” the witch sighed. “But don’t come crying when your little baby angel comes back traumatized. This is not a place for kids.”

Oh the irony.

“It’s not there” Jack cut them with a frown, looking around.

“What do you mean it’s not there ?” Dean grunted. “You were sure it came from Hell !”

“It does…” the boy stated. “Just deeper.”

“Deeper ?” Sam shook his head, but turned to Rowena, immediately trusting Jack as always. “Is there a basement in Hell ?”

“A basement ? Hell is a multi-dimensional…”

“Answer him” Dean cut her, losing patience.

Rowena got up and demons entered the room. She gave orders about getting the records, about the cage, and all. After a few very long minutes, a demon in an old man vessel came closer to the Queen, whispering something in her ear.

“Oh really ?” Rowena said. “Why am I not aware of all this ?”

“Because they’re all empty, your Majesty” the demon shrugged.

“What is ?” Sam insisted with a flustered move of his hands.

Rowena sat again.

“There are cages, like the one that held Lucifer once. Smaller ones, but for all we know, they are all empty.”

“For all you know ?” Dean raised his voice a little.

“No one uses them” Rowena shrugged.

“They held an angel during the war between Heaven and Hell” the demon spoke, his voice shaking a little, obviously uneasy in front of the Winchesters. “I-in the dawn of time, but the angel was killed by Lucifer before Michael locked him in the cage… We kinda forgot where they were.”

“Take us to them” Jack ordered Rowena with this frown of his.

Rowena looked to the demon that didn’t move, his eyes on Dean, like the hunter could suddenly decide to kill all of them.

“Merihem, take us to those cages” Rowena called him. “Chop chop.”

____________________

The light of Hell’s fire didn’t reach that deep in the pit, like the sun in the deepest ocean.

Dean was holding the torch like it was his lifeline in this vertiginous nightmare of deafening silence. Everything was threateningly pitch black, a perfect representation of the fear of dark, a big cold lonely nothingness… With stairs in the middle.

“I didn’t know there was anything deeper than Lucifer’s cage” the Queen’s voice echoed weirdly in the void.

Suddenly, the stairs stopped and Dean banged into metal bars. He lifted his torch to see what was behind it, but the cage was empty.

“It’s here” Jack whispered. “I can feel it.”

Sam opened the empty cage, his arm hair ruffling at the touch of the same metal that held his soul for so long.

“Nothing” he said, holding back his own trauma probably as hard as Dean did.

“Dean…” a weak voice made them all jump, coming from the dark.

“Who is this ?” the hunter grunted, taking a few unsure steps to the next cage, firmly holding his torch in front of him with an almost trembling arm.

“Dean…” the voice now whined.

Sam put his hand on his brother’s shoulder to make him wait for him. They looked at each other, using silent words and joining their flames to fight the pitch black ahead of them.

Even used to all kinds of nightmares, Dean wasn’t so reassured in the deepest of Hell, called by a weak and plaintive voice coming from the darkest of darks.

Something moved in the cage in a deafening metal noise, a shadow fleeing the light. The brothers both let out a shaky breath, moving closer with the demon and Rowena way behind them.

Dean swallowed, finally distinguishing a body, hunched in the opposite corner of the cage, shaking. Extremely long hair was falling around the pitiful form, chained heavily even inside the cage.

“Who are you ?” he asked again. “You’re calling me, why ?”

No answer.

“Who is this ?” Sam turned to the demon that had guided them.

“I-I have no idea” it answered. “No one came here in years !”

“Dean ?” the voice seemed to struggle thinking straight.

“Jeez” Sam muttered. “For how long has she been there ?”

She ? Dean thought, realizing now it was indeed a woman, her thin delicate hands were clinging to the floor.

His heart was racing in his chest, from being in Hell, from the fear of what he would find, and from something else, something confusing, like an emotion flying in the air around him.

The girl finally lifted her face to them, teary eyes frowned at the light of the flame, her shaking hand open in front of her to soften the burning of the torch.

Dean felt hit violently in the chest, his breathing stopped in a strangled gasp as everything he certainly knew started to crumble in the back of his mind. He opened his mouth but nothing came out… After swallowing twice, he finally managed to speak.

“Firefly ?”

Next Chapter on @roonyxx‘s blog

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