#reblogging this here so i can hold myself accountable and finish it eventually

[say-narry]

Note: English isn’t my first language. Hope you all like it. Please, give me your opinion with a reblog, fav or a note in my askbox :)

pairing: Louis!peaky blinders era x reader

warnings: explicit sex, unprotected sex (don't do that!), curse words, daddy kink, overstimulation, dirt talk, mention of jealousy, mention of astrology.

Words: 4k

talk with me | masterlist

Astrology

In my spare time I loved to read about astrology. It was a habit I adhered to since I was a teenager and now as an adult, it was my secret cringe.

So many times, the things described there met the personality traits of someone I knew and that made me believe it even more.

Sure, there were some holes in the script, but I had been in this world forever, so I just ignored that and kept it as a supposed truth and that was only affirmed when I met Louis.

Friends in common, I liked the way his accent sounded, a few drinks here and there, we shared the lighter to light the cigarette and ended up kissing at the end of the party at Calvin's house.

That was a year ago now.

I already knew all his quirks and as Louis lived more at my place than at his mansion here in London, he had to follow my rules, which was a little difficult even though he is Capricorn. Lately it was complicated to deal with him, because he seemed to ignore me and my weekly horoscope had already said that my relationship would be shaken by the smallest things and that I should be careful.

"Babe, don't leave your shoes like that. I already asked for them!" I complained as I placed our shoes side by side by the door. This was one of his manners that annoyed me deeply. "My friends will be here soon!"

"Nah." he muttered, not even looking at me.

I snorted and rolled my eyes, going to check the cheese and chocolate fondue I was preparing.

My friends Peter, Anne, Sam and Paul were coming over for happy hour. I am on vacation at work, an accounting office, so this is a perfect opportunity to hear what's new.

"Babe, is there any way to go to that grocery store down the street? I forgot that Anne has a gluten allergy and forgot to buy the gluten-free bagel." I stirred the melted cheese in the small pot on the stove.

No response from Louis.

Because my house is small, there's no way he couldn't hear me. I stretched my body back a little and in my half vision through the door, I could see that Louis was still concentrating on the smartphone game while gnawing on the corner of his left thumb.

I took another deep breath, it seemed that Louis became a child watching the games on the device and this was another flaw of his sign's characteristic, however I knew he was loyal and domineering, which eventually gave me an idea.

I turned off the stove and wrapped the fondues, putting them in the electric oven in warm-up mode so that they would not cool down.

My friends would arrive in half an hour, it was time to put my idea into practice.

I grabbed my purse, checked the pounds in my wallet, put on a sweatshirt and ran to the door.

"Luv, where are you going?" Louis asked without looking at me.

"Grocery store, babe." I put on my moccasins and closed the door.

It was dusk and for a change London was cold, for as soon as I passed the small gate in my driveway I sped to the grocery store.

As luck would have it, I found the guys a few meters from my house and ran to hug them.

"How are you, Y/N?" Sam, the blond girl with freckles and green eyes asked me as she released me from her hug.

"Fine! But I need a little help from all of you, specifically you, Paul and Anne." I pointed to them, who were inches away from me.

My couple of friends looked at me, Paul was a tall man with blue eyes, a muscular body and a beard. He was dating Anne, a tall, beautiful black woman with curly hair and honey-brown eyes with a mouth to envy.

"What happened?" Anne asked.

I explained to them that Louis seemed to be ignoring me as if I was just someone else working for him, but that he was the dominating type and so I wanted to tease him and see if we should continue with this relationship or if he was just distracted.

"I swear it won't go any further than that, I love Louis very much but this is killing me." I held the brown paper bag against me.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Peter suggested.

"Louis is a Capricorn, you know how it is. When he focuses on something, that's it." I rolled my eyes.

"That's fine with me, it will be fun watching a music star want to kill me because his wife wants me." Paul grabbed the bag from my hands and winked at me, and we laughed.

"It's fine with me too, you know I find it sexy to see men jealous." Anne winked at Paul, who closed his face, causing us to let out a few more low chuckles.

"I think there's a way we can help too." Sam put his arm around my neck and held Peter by the waist.

I had the best friends in the world.

"He simply came in halfway through the meeting with a huge mark on his neck. Emily wanted to climb the walls!" Peter commented on our co-worker.

We were all sitting on the floor of the room with the creams and fondue mixes on the coffee table. Louis was on my right side with black sweatpants and the jacket I loved so much, Paul was on my left side, next to him was Anne followed by Peter and Sam.

"But we know why Tom's nights out..." Sam looked at me suggestively and then looked at Anne. I straightened up waiting for what was to come.

Louis followed the conversation, sometimes hugging me around the waist and offering me something to eat. I just helped myself to a glass of red wine.

"Why?" Anne asked as if she didn't understand.

"Oh, you know, since the S/N went on vacation he has been gloomy, seems to have forgotten how to do calculations on the spreadsheets, and gets sad at lunchtime." Sam replied, alternating his gaze between Louis and me.

Louis, who was serving himself a piece of bread and cheese, grimaced, but said nothing.

"It's true, we know he's not over it yet."

I had the glass in my mouth trying to hold back the laugh I wanted to give.

"Get over what?" Louis asked me with a frown and I arched my shoulders, pretending not to know what they were referring to.

"Tom is in love with Y/N, Louis. Ever since she came to the office, he only has eyes for her." Anne answered by pouring herself some strawberry slices and pouring the melted chocolate on top. "You know, alluring and attractive men don't get over it so easily when they are dumped by a beautiful woman."

My eyes were watering from holding back tears of laughter. It was funny to imagine this situation, since Tom was a very well married gentleman, father of three children, and would soon be a grandfather.

"I'm going to get some more wine." I pushed myself to get up, because I needed to release the laughter that was stuck in me.

"I'll get it, babe." Paul took the glass from my hand, passing his hand through mine and stood up.

"Oh, thank you Paulie!" I smiled and sat back down.

Louis's face was red, he chewed angrily and stared at me. His blue eyes fixed on me in an uncomfortable way, as if he were reading my thoughts.

"What's up, babe?" I asked as Anne, Sam and Peter talked among themselves, I tried to stroke his face but he turned away.

"Nothing." he nodded, and I narrowed my eyes.

Paul returned with my full glass, I took it and thanked him again. Since I was sitting only on the carpet, I decided to do a little stretching. Purposefully, Paul looked at the open buttons of my black blouse that was thin and skinny long. Unconsciously, it was tighter than I usually wore which highlighted my breasts covered by the bra.

Louis seemed to notice, he huffed and ran his hand through his hair. I just ignored him and pretended to pay attention to my friends' conversation.

I felt his arm going around my shoulders and a few kisses on my neck, and I simply held myself together not to react, but it was so good his affection.

"We were talking about Tom before and now I remembered, can you believe that every day he comes into your office and wipes down your desk and computer?" Sam was sharp in the theater, I just wanted to thank her for that.

"And I'll tell you something else, he takes his shoes off before he comes in. " Peter continued.

Broadway was losing these actors to an accounting office. Louis leaned back on one of the sofas and crossed his arms with a brave expression.

"Tom has always been very nice to me." I commented, swirling the rest of the wine in my glass. "But I don't know..."

"I don't know, Y/N?" Louis spoke a little louder, turning his face abruptly to me.

"Yes, Tom is a nice guy but he is the kind of guy who ignores things I say, he was not organized and sometimes we almost missed deadlines... If he is like that at work, who will say to have a relationship with him."

I drank the rest of the wine and almost saw Louis erupt.

"Nothing beyond that stays between you?" I looked at Sam, who put his hand over his mouth, holding back his laughter, as did Anne, Paul, and Peter.

"Nah. " I repeated Louis' murmur from earlier and repeated his motion, leaning back against the couch behind me.

He ran his fingers through his bangs and chuckled gracelessly, denying it with his head. I narrowed my eyes in surprise at his reaction.

"It's getting late isn't it? Want some help cleaning up, petal?" Paul stroked my arm.

"I'll help my girl, Paulie." Louis imitated my voice when I called him and stared at Paul's hand on my arm, moving his mouth as if he were dissatisfied.

We talked some more, Louis was still silent and crossed his arms, his legs intertwined with each other and swinging rapidly.

I knew that Louis was about to explode, so I said goodbye to the guys who thanked me for the evening. Paul gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. They motioned for me to tell them by text what was going to happen, I silently agreed and closed the door.

Louis had gotten up and was removing things from the coffee table. I started to organize the room and finished taking the last dishes to the sink.

"You and this Tom guy, have you ever had anything?" Louis was sponging one of the dishes. His sleeves were rolled up, which gave me a view of the tattoos on his wrist that I liked so much.

I poured myself the rest of the wine and leaned back against the sink where he was standing.

"We only went out together once." Which was true, but it was with the rest of the office and nothing happened because his wife accompanied us and I saw him as a father or even an uncle. I would stay in my tantrum, yes, he was the one who should end his.

"Hm." Louis answered.

"Why the question?"

Louis remained silent, washing the dishes as if it were the most fun thing in the world.

"Louis? If I asked a question, I want an answer." I said angrily, tired of the tantrum.

He continued in silence. I took a deep breath trying to oxygenate my brain and continued to stare at him.

I drank the rest of the wine and left the glass in the sink. I walked slowly to the door, still trying to remain calm.

"Where are you going?" Louis asked.

I just turned and smiled, raising my two middle fingers in his direction.

"Fuck you!" I shouted nervously, pointing at him.

Without waiting for his response, I headed towards my room, but within three steps I felt something pulling me, two cold, wet hands.

Louis might be shorter than most men, but he still possessed great strength.

In one swift movement, I felt him turn me around and my back hit the wall to my right and my head bounced, causing me to grunt in pain.

Louis pressed his body against mine, my hands went up to push his chest.

"I don't want to talk, Louis." I said annoyed, almost in tears already.

"What's up, luv? Your babe wants to know... "Louis brushed his nose across my neck, soon after caressing my face by turning and pulling it slightly to the opposite side, my eyes automatically closed."What were those teasing things earlier?"

My body stiffened, I couldn't hide anything from him.

"Let go of me. " I asked, still pushing him slightly, but it came out more like a groan.

Louis let out a small laugh and began to distribute wet kisses down my neck, sometimes my body betrayed me and shivered.

Louis's right hand, which previously held my waist, lifted my blouse to gain access to the skin of my belly and with a rush, held my right breast, massaging it lovingly.

"I'm sure my girl is getting wet..." His warm breath hitched against the cartilage of my left ear. "You like to tease me by showing off those luscious breasts, but in the end you're all mine, aren't you?"

I groaned as if in agreement. My hands, which before had been pushing her breasts, had moved to her back, scratching the white fabric.

"Who's my little whore? Hm?" His teeth went to my jaw, scraping it lightly, and then down to my neck where I felt pressure being applied.

Oh, hell! He was marking me.

"I-I-I..." I answered weakly and brushed my crotch against his.

My body arched and I held on to his arms, I could already feel the throbbing in between my legs as they buckled.

"My silly little girl!" He moved a few inches away from me and I opened my eyes, staring at Louis's long lashes in front of his blue orbs that were almost covered by his dilated pupils. "I saw what you did with the whole Tom and Paulie thing."

When I regained consciousness, I bit my lower lip and smiled mischievously, returning my hands to his back.

"What are you going to do about it, stud?" I teased.

Louis's hands went around my waist as he made a point of kissing me fiercely and hotly. My hands grabbed his face, pulling him to me, afraid that he would just stop and leave me there, hot and needy for his touch.

His hands went down to unbutton my jeans and unzip me. I let out a moan in anticipation and I could feel him smile in the middle of the kiss.

Louis pulled away from me and spun me around, placing me face down against the wall.

"Louis..." I moaned softly, thrusting my ass toward him.

I felt his pelvis fit over my ass and his member was already hardening, I tried to make more contact, but his hands on my waist stopped me.

"I know, luv... I want you too." I felt his chest against my back as I closed my eyes and rested my head on the wall and pressed my hands against it, trying to support myself. "I want to feel your pussy squeezing my cock as I fuck you very slowly, because I know you like to feel my cock pulsing in you."

I was already dizzy, biting my lower lip trying to hide my moans, until Louis pulled away and his hands hooked on the hem of my jeans and pulled them down.

"Spread your legs, Darlin'"

I did as he cried out, with a little difficulty because my jeans were still binding my legs and the state of my panties was embarrassing.

His hand slid up and down my ass, and then slapped me with his open hand, which made me jump in surprise.

"My girl doesn't like to be neglected, huh?" Shivers ran through me, my breathing was heavy and my brows furrowed and more slaps came, making my skin burn and my eyes water. "You get needy for my cock when I don't fuck you, don't you?"

In one swift act, my panties were keeping company with my jeans. I pushed my hips even higher, rubbing one leg against the other in an effort to relieve the agony my clit felt.

"Daddy will take care of you, luv!" I heard some noises and then the glorious sensation of Louis's hot tongue running over my pussy.

"Louis!" I moaned loudly and his breath hitched against my exposed intimacy as he let out a laugh. His hands grabbed my thighs and spread them even further apart, leaving me wide open for him.

Louis's tongue ran from my sensitive spot to my entrance, sucking and licking. I swayed my hips trying to get closer, but whenever I did he laughed and ran just the tip of it all the way over. My eyes rolled back and a vibration came in the pit of my stomach.

He didn't last long there, but the sound of my wetness clicking on his tongue was something out of reality.

"Babe, please..." My right arm kept pushing against the wall while my left was bent and I massaged my breasts, trying to relieve myself somehow.

"What's wrong, kitten?" Louis groaned and blew against me.

I turned my head to the side and Louis had stood up, taking off his sweatpants along with his underwear and his white jacket, and threw them on the floor beside us.

"Daddy..." I murmured.

Louis' member was hard, and with the glans of his member shiny and pink, his left hand wrapped around it, going up and down slowly. Louis stroked my ass with his free hand, his lower lip was biting and his head eventually fell back as he sighed.

He knew how sexy I found the veins in his hands tensing up and showing as he played with his cock. The tattoos on his wrist added a special touch.

"Lucky for you I want to get it over with, luv... Otherwise you'd have to beg me to fuck you..." He spoke as his cock touched me, dragging and teasing me, making me almost fall to my knees on the floor. "I'm going to fuck your little pussy so hard, babe? I want to hear you moan for the rest of the night, do you want to feel my cock all the way in here?" His finger ran across my entrance, giving me mini shocks in that area.

I mumbled the only sound left in my throat. I turned my face forward and leaned my forehead against the wall. He knew how much I melted for his dirt talk.

My arm against the wall was aching, my forehead was sweaty, and my legs were almost giving way from the way they trembled.

Louis launched himself inside me without warning, burying his wet member until his balls slammed against my clit.

A scream tore through my throat, my nails digging into the wall. Louis didn't even give me time to get used to it, he immediately began thrusting against me. Back and forth, thrusting hard and trying to go all the way in. I was panting as was he, my eyes still closed, enjoying his member filling me.

I turned my face to the side opening my eyes and I could cum right there at the sight, my heart throbbed even more seeing Louis with his nails digging into my hips, his tattooed chest and arms tensed tightly and his head relaxed back with his mouth ajar.

"Fuck!" My eyelids fluttered and I could feel the anguish in my uterus rising.

"My girl is so hot, so warm and tight ... oh!" Louis went down again and if it wasn't for the euphoria, I could feel him almost ripping me in half with his cock slamming against my uterus.

I tilted my head back and one of Louis' hands grabbed my loose hair and formed a sort of ponytail. His hand forced my neck, causing my body to arch and my ass to bulge even more.

My back began to ache as his hipbones crashed against my muscles, he had never caught me this way before and I was already addicted to it. Louis let go of my hair and went back to kneading the sides of my hips.

I put my arm in front of me and bit down on it, feeling my face hit him lightly with the thrusts, my throat aching with the moans, and Louis murmured my name as he tried to sink even deeper inside me.

"Whose pussy is this, babe? Who fucks it hard and the way you like it?" Louis, still not stopping his thrusts, rotated his hips and a wave of ecstasy hit me at the cervix. My pussy clenching rapidly, I was getting there. Louis fucked me so fast that I couldn't even scream.

"You, babe! Only you, Louis!" I spoke softly and felt him kiss me on my back.

"Are you sure, babygirl?" Louis teased and again I felt his chest against my spine.

His cock was halfway out of me and seconds later I was already missing him, which didn't last long as I pushed my hips back against him, burying his cock back into me. I stood on my tiptoes and his member reached the hidden spot that Louis sometimes managed to reach.

"Come on my cock, babe! Because I'm going to mark you, fill you with my milk... Do you want it, my naughty little girl?"

My breath came out of my lungs in a sharp intake of breath. My body exploded inside, shuddering as Louis forced himself to orgasm. Small jolts ran through me, and the ground no longer seemed to be beneath my feet.

My man's nails sank into my skin, his thrusts became sloppy and a loud moan came from Louis' chest, his cock swelled even more inside me and I felt hot spurts fill me, joining my liquid. He groaned loudly and his hands gripped my waist tightly, easing the grip seconds later. Violent trembling came over my knees, causing me to close my eyes in shame as Louis continued inside me and hugged me from behind.

"What's up, Luv? Did I hurt you?" He pushed my hair away from my sweaty, flushed face. Louis kissed the top of my head and I could feel some shocks from the orgasm still being delivered and the delicious feeling of having him inside me.

I nodded positively and then negatively, answering his questions.

"Sorry about the last few days, I was so distracted, thinking about the new album, and then I realized that I didn't do the right thing to the point where my perfect girl insinuated herself to our friend and they talked about some guy at work."

"How did you find out?" I lay my face against the wall, feeling the frosty, chilling cold on my face. I was tired, almost closing my eyes.

"I know you, darlin'... You can't lie, your sign says so."

I covered my face in shame that he knew my shameful secret. Louis pulled his member out of me and already I felt it go limp, Louis tightened his embrace around my buttocks and his arms wrapped around mine, tucking me in.

"Thanks for not giving up on your Capricorn. He'll pay more attention to his girl."

I nodded and turned around, kissing him slowly, feeling his tongue caress mine calmly and tenderly. He was everything to me, giving him up would be the last thing I would ever do.

I pulled away still hugging him and could see his sweaty bangs.

"Thanks for the sex against the wall, it was amazing." I blinked, placing a kiss on his chin.

"Maybe tomorrow you'll rethink it." His face turned into a smile, kissing my cheeks.

I stared at him even longer, not understanding his statement.

"Uh... I may or may not have left some... marks." He gave me his best puppy dog face, squeezed my ass, and kissed my neck lightly.

I rolled my eyes eagerly to see these possible marks.

"All right, they're marks from my Capricorn..." I said, kissing him and jumping on his lap. "But if you ignore me again, you won't have sex against the wall or anywhere else." I shook his shoulder to get his attention and he agreed.

"No more Capricorn stuff!" He promised, raising his right hand.

Astrology thing or not, I loved the guy standing in front of me.

#louis tomlinson #louis tomlinson one shot #louis tomlinson blurb #louis tomlinson smut #louis tomlinson fluff #louis tomlinson x reader #louis tomlinson imagines #louis tomlinson fanfic #harry styles smut #harry styles #liam payne #liam payne smut #one direction

[whereisten]

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Part 1 Preview | Part 1 | Part 2 Preview | Part 2

Summary: After a fun-filled graduation night, your heart is torn between your two best friends, Ten and Lucas. A fire is ignited between the three of you that isn’t as easy to calm as it was to start. And this lustful fire, just like any fire, spreads and seeks to destroy anything in its path, for there is no telling what Ten will do for you, or rather, to you.

Pairing: King!Ten x female reader (as well as Prince! Lucas)

Genre: Royalty!AU, love triangle, angst, smut, fluff

Warnings: manipulation, possessiveness, blackmail, cheating!, character death, mention of blood, alcohol use, smut!: threesome, unprotected sex, penetration (v and a), oral sex (m and f), hand job, fingering, fondling, c*eampie, biting, bdsm (paddle use, choking, rope use), orgasm denial, overstimulation, semi-public sex.

Word Count: 33.4k

Taglist: @suhweo @5shotsamericano @alreadyblondenow @khiphoptrash-0 @adorejaehyn @08skrr @ateez-babygirl

A/N: omggg it’s finally here! This fic is part of a group project organized by @neo-cult-ure . We are very excited to share this with you. It is a story set in the 19th century but based on the song “I know what you did last summer” Camilla Cabbage and Shawn Manatee. We took liberties with the time period, just a warning. We worked REALLY hard together and hope you enjoy!! Please reblog and comment, we’d love to know what you think❤️ as always, this is a work of fiction. The way we portray these idols should not be taken seriously or misconstrue anyone’s perception of them.

PART 1

[FEBRUARY 1894]

“You look wonderful, darling.” Your mother tightens your corset one final time as you hoisted yourself up on the dresser.

You look into the mirror in front of you and watch as one singular vein threatens to pop out from the center of your forehead. The thing about the “lovely” corsets you had to wear was that while they gave your body amazing curves, they gave you nothing but discomfort. But in the words of your mother, “A woman is only as worthy as she looks.” So yes, beauty is pain but beauty is also success.

“Ten would be a fool to not choose you as his wife next year.”

Oh, and that too. She wanted you to look good for Ten. She wanted all eyes to be on you at the Graduation Party you would be at later, but most importantly, she wanted you to look absolutely irresistible for the crown prince, aka the wealthiest bachelor in your country at the moment.

You and Ten had been best friends since middle school, and you admit, you’ve admired him since then. You weren’t sure if it was love, lust, or just a small crush..you knew you felt something when you looked at him.

Even so, the butterflies you felt in your chest when you saw a Ten couldn’t hold a candle to the family of birds that flew about inside when you looked at Lucas.

You met Lucas the same day that you met Ten. At the single cherry blossom tree not too far from school, that’s where you three had met a few years back.

You were sitting on the trunk of the blossoming tree, the falling petals decorating your hair and sticking to your wet cheek as you cried. A girl in school had bullied you because the boy she liked actually liked you. She made fun of your looks and even your family while your classmates just laughed.

So you ran as far away as you could. Eventually finding the lonely cherry blossom tree that stood so gloriously in the middle of a large field. You brought your knees to your chest and let your head fall onto your folded arms. It was bright and warm outside, the wind blew off of the lake behind the tree, making you feel comfortable and calm.

You raised your head slowly when you heard the laughter of two boys as they approached the tree.

“Do you think Ms. Hong will tell on me to your father?” One of them asked the other.

“Who cares..grades don’t matter when you’re of high status like us.” The other one sounded nonchalant and boastful.

You quietly sniffled and rubbed your eyes, hoping that you wouldn’t be noticed on the other side of the tree.

They continued to converse and a few minutes later you hear them gulp down something. One of them made a strange hissing sound while the other laughed.

Almost immediately, you can smell the harsh scent of alcohol. Your face scrunches, and suddenly a petal flies into your nose, making you sneeze loudly.

They both yelled out in shock when they hear you.

“WHO’S THERE?” One of their voices is raised in alarm. 

“I’m-I’m sorry..I was just..sitting here to be by myself for a bit...” You sniffled as you stood up slowly.

The two boys stood up as well.“Why didn’t you say something? Were you just eavesdropping like a creep?” The shorter one asked with disgust.

“N-no..I’m sorry I was just-“

“Are you okay?” The taller one stepped forward. He noticed your red eyes and damp cheeks. You looked to the ground to avoid eye contact. You couldn’t see that he had already started to fall. You were so beautiful, and he wondered how he had never seen you before.

You stepped back and nodded. “I’ll be leaving now, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No-no you don’t have to..” He turned to the shorter one and raised his eyebrows. It was as if he was silently telling Ten to be nice and invite you to their drinking party. Ten got the hint and was hesitant, but he too had a strange feeling in him when he saw you.

“Um..you don’t have to leave. Maybe talking about it will make you feel better.” Ten stepped forward and smiled.

“I’m Ten..this is Lucas, what’s your name?”

You finally looked up at the pair of dashingly handsome young men. Lucas in particular caught your attention because he was just so tall. His smile was warm, as if it was competing with the sun itself. But Ten was just as bright, his eyes crinkling at the sides as his skin dazzled.

“Come on, let’s get to know each other. Drink this and you’ll feel better, I promise.” Ten took your hand and helped you sit back down.

And that was the beginning of your friendship. The three of you did everything together through middle and high school, and had spent plenty more time at the tree.

Today, in your early twenties now, your friendship had reached its apex. You’ve all finally graduated and are able to focus on your individual royal duties. And while you couldn’t wait to be finished with tedious school work, you were nervous for what was to come. You could no longer rely on each other for company at any time in the day. Would your friendship still flourish as you became adults with families and responsibilities?

Ten held the graduation party at his castle because it was the largest one in the land and his parents would be away that night for a trip. It was basically his until he got back.

You bid your parents goodbye once they dropped you off and handed you over to Ten.

Ten stood at the door gawking over you. You always look beautiful but tonight you looked..angelic. Your hair and skin were radiant in the moonlight, and Ten swore you were untouchable, ghostly. It felt as though you were some fairytale brought to life. He had welcomed so many other graduates from your school to his palace that night, but none of them stopped time like you did. Your silver gown was cinched tightly at the waist, making the top of your breasts look especially rounded. 

“What do you think? It’s a bit much, isn’t it?” You laugh when you see him staring.

Ten gives you a large smile. But before he could speak, Lucas’ boastful voice echoes out.“Perfect..you’re perfect, y/n.” 

Lucas steps from behind Ten and closer to you. You didn’t notice Ten’s smile fade as you shift your focus from him and to the tall man beside him instead.

Lucas’ goofy smile and deep voice make you blush and you hope you didn’t possibly look as hot as your cheeks felt. Lucas takes your hand and leads you inside. Ten follows behind and closes his lips tightly.

The two men both wore their royal suits that were decorated with honorary badges and stripes. Their hair was fixed back and they both looked older, more mature. They no longer looked like those rule breaking teens you met at the tree that day in middle school.

The party was filled with every graduate. Live music played and drinks were being served in every corner of every room in the extravagant, gold-filled mansion. Lucas couldn’t help but watch you as you sipped your drink. All the girls watched him, but he couldn’t get over you.

And Ten felt the same way, however, as the host, he didn’t have much time to just stand around and talk with his friends. He had to greet everyone while Lucas spent time with you.

Out of the corner of Ten’s eye, he could see Lucas’ gaze and smile.

It made him feel...left out. But he also couldn’t ignore something else. A desire for you. A desire for Lucas. A desire for requited love. The lust he felt brought out a jealousy that ate at him. He loved you both and he wanted to be with the two of you..badly. This friendship was everything and more to him, and he’d hate to feel like he were losing it.

He finally made his way over to the main ballroom once all of the guests were accounted for.

“You guys look nice and ..comfortable,” You say as you hold your waist and let out a heavy breath.

Ten chuckles. “I’m sorry you have to wear that.”

“Yeah, yeah I’m sorry too.” You grabbed another two glasses and downed them in an effort to numb the feeling of the wires that relentlessly dig into your mid section.

Lucas smirks. “That’s my girl.” He downs another glass too as Ten watches him eye you up and down, the alcohol clearly taking effect on the both of you.

The band started to play a new song, distracting Lucas and giving Ten the perfect opportunity to get some alone time with you. Ten held his hand out quickly and looked at you through wide eyes.

“Dance with me..please.”

You nodded and took his hand, a look of surprise on your face at your best friend asking you for a dance. Usually he’d want to play a game or talk until the sun came out. A dance was very uncharacteristic of him. 

But still, you stepped closer to him. He gently took both hands in his and pulled you closer to his chest, keeping his eyes on yours.

“So this is it?” Ten says softly.

You hum and look down to his neck, his gaze too intense for you to follow as you sway back and forth slowly.

“I guess it is.” You nod.

“We..can still hang out right? You, me, Lucas.”

“I’m not sure..my parents are strict when it comes to me fulfilling my royal duties, I may not have time. I have to get used to wearing corsets and makeup like this all the time..which sucks but..”

“You look amazing.” Ten gives a small smile that makes your throat close up. You had known this boy for years yet it felt like you were dancing with a handsome stranger.

You swallow hard. “Thank you, Ten.”

“I have a feeling we’ll be together for a long time.” Ten knew he couldn’t let you go, he knew that when given the chance, he’d choose you as his wife. Your parents expected the marriage as well as himself. But what about Lucas? Surely he could keep Lucas around, but he wouldn’t be able to touch you or even to gaze at you for long because you’d officially be his.

“What makes you think that?” You ask, eyes low and tracing over his parted lips. The alcohol has made you slightly dizzy and lustful. You started to think of Ten’s lips and how they’d feel on yours

“I see the way you look at me, sort of like how you’re looking at me now.” His heart beat is on yours, slowing down to match the tempo of your rumbling chest, his steamy breath taps the crook of your neck as he leans down.

Your eyes close once you feel his soft surface of his beautiful lips graze your neck. Ten gives you a gentle kiss as you whimper quietly. He wraps an arm around your back to push your body closer to his. Your chest starts to heave and your body begins to feel weak at Ten’s touch.

“Ten..” you whisper but your whining is still loud enough for Ten to hear over the violins.

It’s just the two of you in the middle of the ballroom as Ten nibbles the skin of your neck softly.

And just as you’re about to moan his name once more, you’re startled by a tap on your shoulder. Your eyes open quickly when you recognize the fresh scent of someone other than Ten.

“Lucas?”

Ten also moves quickly to remove his lips from your neck.

“Another drink?” Lucas asks as he forces a smile. Both you and Ten can see that he is forcing it to hide a look of disappointment. He looks hurt and confused.

This felt wrong, but it also felt so right, like you had cheated on a man that you love with another man that you love.

You look at Ten who also looks sorrowful, his mouth falling open but no words seem to come out.

You shake your head. “No thank you…I feel like I can’t breathe...” You hurriedly brush past the two men and head up the large grand staircase.

You walk down the long hallway and let yourself into the room at the very end, hoping that no one will find you as you try to collect yourself.

Your hands fidget as they untie your dress in the back and slide the top half down to your hips. You then start to untie the corset, but get tired, plopping yourself onto the bed while breathing heavily.

“Damn it.” You curse to yourself quietly. How could this happen so fast?

Ten made you feel intoxicated and needy, but Lucas’ face made you feel sadness. You didn’t regret that moment, you’d been waiting to be touched by Ten and it finally happened.

You stood up again and went to untie your corset.

A few seconds pass when you’re startled by the door opening. You turn around fast, your hands covering your chest as you ask, “Who’s there?!”

“It’s me! I’m sorry..I—I’ll leave.” Lucas glances at your exposed body for a millisecond but quickly turns around to leave.

“Wait..Lucas..”

He stops, his back still facing you.

“I need help..”

Lucas turns back to you slowly. You turn your back to him and drunkenly point to the laces in the back.

“Please untie this for me so I can know what it’s like to breathe again.”

Lucas chuckles softly and it’s like music to your ears. He walks over slowly, his heavy steps on the wood floor making your heart race each time he gets closer.

He finally towers behind you, keeping eye contact with you through the huge mirror that stands in front of you.

Lucas goes to untie it, but smirks when you shiver from the light graze of his fingers against your back.

“What was that?”

“I-I don’t know.” You stumble over your words once you break eye contact and look at a painting on the wall to the right.

“Did you like it?”

You look back at Lucas through the mirror. His expression is dark, daring and that’s when you notice that he is untying your corset at an unbelievably slow rate.

“I..”

“I’m your best friend too, you have to be honest with me.” Lucas takes his middle finger and runs it down along your arm, his eyes glued to your exposed shoulders. “What did it feel like to have his lips on you?”

The low lighting in the room provided a sharp contrast to the bright aura in the ballroom you both were in before. The ballroom was decorated by enormous chandeliers. Instead, in this room, there was one single lamp in the corner of the room and the moonlight that poured in through the large window beside the bed.

The new lighting allowed for you to see the sharp features of Lucas’ gorgeous face, how his high cheekbones made him look dangerously handsome. His expression was dark as he spoke, his lips pursed.

“It felt..good.”

“I want to make you feel good too, will you let me?” Lucas’ voice is even lower than it was a few minutes ago. You breathe heavily, but having your corset a little looser than it was before makes it less painful. Your legs close tightly as Lucas’ husky voice makes you wet.

Lucas fixes your hair from one side of your neck to the other side then leans down and kisses you. A weak breath leaves your open mouth as your head instantly falls back. 

Lucas lips are plumper but just as soft as Ten’s. His delicate kisses make your heart race.

“Yes..” Your eyes close as Lucas begins to suck hard onto the warm skin on your shoulder.

His hands hold your waist as he pulls you closer, your back falling flush against his broad chest. Your hands reach behind you and find his head. Lucas moans when he feels your dainty fingers massage his scalp. He then kisses your jawline while you back into him more. He glances down to see your breasts rising up and down rapidly as you grow hotter.

His touch was everything you needed right now. Ten’s kiss made you needy and you knew you needed more.

You moan when you brush against Lucas’ pelvis and feel his hard member poke your back. You reach down and palm it through the fabric, earning a throaty groan from him.

He humps into your hand while still sucking your neck. “y/n... I need you.” His breath, coated in alcohol, hits your neck, leaving it with goosebumps once you hear his low voice.

You turn to him and look into his eyes. They search yours, quietly asking for approval as you lick your lips.

You continue to palm his member, his breathing became shallow and you knew he couldn’t take your teasing much longer.

You push the dress past your hips now and down to your knees. He holds your hands as he helps you step out of it. Your corset still on, you lead him to the bed where you push his chest lightly, making him fall onto it.

He sits at the edge and watches as you shimmy his pants off for him. He then takes his jacket off and unbuttons his shirt before tossing them both to the side where his pants and your dress also lie.

You are about to get on your knees when he holds your arm to stop you. “No..your knees will hurt..on the bed, my love.”

Hearing him speak so softly and tenderly to you while calling you his love made your heart flutter. You couldn’t help but smile widely.

He pushes himself up on the bed and towards the headboard where he sits up straight and rests his back.

“Come here.” He whispers.

You crawl over slowly and watch as his lustful eyes fall onto your breasts still accentuated and pushed forward by your corset. You only keep it on because while it did hurt, it makes you feel unbelievably sexy.

Once you are finally over his hips, you look into his eyes as you draw down the waistband of his underwear, his length sprung free, the tip red and leaking with precum already.

You lick your lips as you marvel at how big he is. You figured he’d be big based off of his towering height, but you didn’t expect this. Your womanhood trembles when you imagine what it would feel like to be filled up by him, you feel yourself leak through your own underwear at the thought.

You run a hand along his abs as he breathes heavily and watches you through wide eyes. Lucas had dreamt of nights with you for so long, he never thought it would actually happen and now he was over the moon. But deep down, he wants to make sure you are comfortable.

“Y/n..we don’t have to..”

“But I want to, I really do.” You lean down and start by kissing his tip, teasing him as you barely stick your tongue out. You look up at Lucas watching his mouth fall open as you flatten your tongue against it.

You lick the shining liquid that trickled down the sides like it was an ice cream pop while your ass stays up in the air. The sight of you like this for him makes him dizzy, he imagines himself pounding into you from behind on this very bed, hearing your moans, feeling you clench around him as you grip the sheets.

His dick twitches in response to his wild imagination and the fact that you finally take the tip into your mouth, swallowing him to hear him groan.

You move your mouth down as far as you could onto his length, but stop when you feel him hit the back of your throat. You use your hands to cover the rest.

Lucas’ head falls back while you hollow your cheeks and lick across every vein. He resists the urge to buck his hips upward and make you gag.

“y/n..God, that feels good.” His eyes close as he listens to the sloppy slurping sounds fill the cold air of the room.

You hum to send a vibration onto his dick and make him tremble, his mouth falling open as he gasps. 

You withdraw your mouth from him and pumped his member with your hands, letting spit fall onto him while looking up at his gorgeous body, the way his abs flexed as he tensed to keep himself from releasing too soon.

You were both too enraptured with each other to notice that the door had been opened.

Ten’s eyes widen at the sight of you bent over, taking Lucas into your mouth while your round ass stuck up in the air. He almost immediately feels his pants grow strained.

He felt a growing tension between the three of you, but he didn’t think that it would lead to this. He enjoyed watching Lucas be pleasured and while he wished it were him being the one to bring these throaty groans out of Lucas he also wished it were him underneath you, watching as your cute cheeks became filled with nothing but him.

He too had imagined many times what it would be like to make love to you. To have you calling out his name into the night.

He knew neither of you noticed that he was watching from the doorway, your moans growing louder as each second went by and Lucas got closer.

He would’ve pleasured himself quietly as he watched, but that jealousy he felt lit a fiery lust that needed to be put out. He had to touch you or Lucas.

He slams the door shut, startling both you and Lucas. You flip your body over beside Lucas’ legs and quickly wipe your mouth with your arm.

Ten walks over slowly, a devilish smirk on his face as he looks at your two bodies.

“Ten! It’s not what it—“ Lucas opens his mouth but struggles to form coherent sentences.

“Shhh..it’s okay, keep going.” Ten shakes his head and watches you intensely. You can’t tell if he is jealous or upset with you, it was a poker face that you just can’t read.

Both you and Lucas felt sorry for what felt like betrayal.

You look to Lucas, your eyes pleading for him to tell you what to do. When you are met with silence you then look back at Ten. 

“Ten..touch me.” You swallow hard and look up at Ten, your look of worry fading into that of lust. You liked them both, you needed them, and since Ten already caught you, why not make the best of the awkward situation?

You and Ten look back at Lucas who gives a small smile and nods. You get back on your knees and reach out for Ten who walks over to the edge of the opposite side of the bed.

Lucas strokes his member which surprisingly hadn’t fallen since Ten arrived, the idea of a threesome only made this hotter for him. He watches as you help Ten take off his jacket then unbutton his shirt with shaking hands.

You don’t know why you were nervous when it came to Ten. The alcohol is wearing off and you aren’t as brave as you were when you first started with Lucas.

Ten’s feline gaze on your body makes your face hot and his exposed chest didn’t make it any easier for you. Ten takes your shaking hands into his and pulls you closer to him. He leans down and kisses you deeply, your eyes closing as his tongue enters your mouth to embrace yours.

You turn your head and let your tongue trace over the inside of his mouth before tugging his bottom lip between your teeth. Ten enjoys the taste, thinking of how Lucas’ precum that once coated your tongue is now on his.

When he finally lets go to breathe, he opens his dark eyes and gazes at you. He leans down, his bottom lip brushing lightly against your ear lobe.

“He needs you..” He whispers lowly and tilts his head towards Lucas.

You nod and head back over to him, you’re still light headed from your passionate kiss with Ten. One that you had to admit was filled with years of sexual tension.

You retake your position over Lucas’ lap and bend down to take him into your mouth once again. Lucas licks his lips and groans.

Ten steps out of his pants and walks to the side of the bed. He begins to stroke his own member as he watches you work your mouth on Lucas while face down, ass up.

You’re beautiful with your heated skin sparkling in the moonlight, your hair pushed to the side and your pretty hands around Lucas’ member.

Lucas then holds a hand out and looks to Ten.

“She’s been a good girl..you should touch her.” Lucas tells Ten before biting his lips and reaching out for Ten’s hard and glistening cock.

Ten lets Lucas take it in his hand and stroke it for him. His mouth falling open as he watches Lucas’ large hand wrap around him, spreading the pre cum as he moves it up and down.

Ten then places his hand onto your butt cheek, circling around it before giving it a smack.

You feel your walls clench after the action and moan, the vibrations in your throat then making Lucas groan as well.

Ten traces two fingers over your covered womanhood, then draws the soaked underwear down your legs so you are exposed to the cold air. You hiss at the exposure, but it’s cut short when you feel two of Ten’s icy cold fingers on your entrance.

Ten’s heart beats wildly as he is touched by Lucas and touches you at the same time.

He feels that this as confirmation that you both love him just as he loves you and it makes his head spin.

He circles around your folds slowly, then on top to collect your juices. He teasingly slides between them with just one finger.

“Ten..please.” You withdraw your mouth from Lucas’ member and cry out. You’re yearning for some friction, anything that will calm the aching between your legs.

Ten chuckles at the site of you begging, then presses two fingers into you. You fall forward and whimper as you clench around his long fingers.

You go back to sucking Lucas as he pumps Ten harder. He bucks his hips into you because he’s close and your moans push him to the edge.

Ten’s fingers curve into you, pushing against your sweet spot over and over. You breathe heavily and close your eyes as you tremble around him.

Ten leaks all over Lucas’ hand while they both watch and listen to the lewd sounds created by your mouth and wet opening.

Ten then thinks of something else he’d like to see, so he takes his fingers away leaving you a moaning mess as you feel empty again.

He takes Lucas’ hand away from his dripping cock then goes behind you, pulling your hair so that you kneel into the bed, your back straight as Ten presses your back to his chest behind you. You lick your lips and look at Lucas.

Lucas looks puzzled as he watches Ten turn your head towards his. He kisses you passionately again, this time from behind and you can feel his member poke your ass.

Lucas was so close to cumming, and he is somewhat annoyed by Ten stopping everything completely to kiss you. You both kiss sloppily as Ten’s hand goes to your front side, tapping against your clit to gain a cry from you.

Ten lets go of your lips, his mouth still close to yours as he looks into yours eyes. “If it gets to be too much say the word ‘gold,’ or tap either one of us three times.”

His voice is softer now, he looks at you with so much care and concern.

You nod before he helps you get rid of your underwear completely. Now, you kneel over Lucas’ lap in nothing but your corset.

“Do you want to feel him inside you?” Ten whispers into your ear as you lick your lips. Lucas bites his own too as he watches you hover over him.

“Y-yes.” You let out breathily.

“Good girl..ride him.” Ten releases his grip on your waist and lets you go forward to Lucas.

Your legs are shaky as you spread them open over his member; still sturdy and up straight.

You sink down slowly. The air is filled with gasps as his cock is enraptured by your velvety walls, filling you up easily and stretching you out.

You move up and down a few times to get used to his girth while he moans. His abs flex under you, his broad shoulders and biceps tense as well. His hair is dark with sweat and still pushed back as he bites his lips and watches your pussy swallow him whole. He runs his hands up and down your thighs as you move.

Ten gently pushes you forward so you press your hands flat onto Lucas’ pecs. You bounce on him and look into his eyes. 

Ten aligns his aching cock with your ass and slowly slides it in.

You gasp at the feeling of his round tip stretching your hole out.

You let out a whimper when he holds your waist to push into you even more. It was a strange feeling, but he gave you time to breathe and adjust. He’s only about halfway in, but you are completely filled up by the two men.

“Do you want me to keep going?” Ten asks, his voice strained as he struggles to hold his desire to push all the way in.

“Yes, Ten.. don’t stop.” You want to please them both and everything was so hot already, you couldn’t imagine stopping now.

Ten pushes more and you let out another cry, this time it’s louder.

Lucas is tempted to tell Ten to stop, he’s worried for you but he swallows hard and holds your hand tightly.You look up at his face of worry and breathe heavily. You give him a reassuring nod before moaning.

Ten finally pushes all the way in as the air leaves your body, you fall onto Lucas, your head in the crook of his neck as Ten begins to move in and out of your small opening.

Ten groans. “You’re so tight, sweetheart.”

“Good girl, you’re such a good girl for us.” Lucas pushes your hair out of your face and kisses your cheek before wiping away a tear. He kisses your lips to help you through it. He can feel your heated body tremble from being so filled up, and while it is hot, he couldn’t help but be worried for you.

For a moment, you are transported to paradise when you kiss Lucas, his lips felt so good on yours, they felt like a warm hug in the winter. You mewl as you lick across his bottom lip.

Ten is jealous by the kiss because he can tell that you and Lucas are entangled with each other. Even when Ten is inside you, even when Ten holds Lucas’ hand, you both are still enraptured with just each other.

Ten holds your neck, lightly tugging you away from Lucas. Your eyes fly open as you are separated. He then runs his fingers through your hair and grips it before pushing you down into the bed. You’re face down in the bed now as Ten’s pounds into you harder, clearly upset that you were not focused on him for a moment.

He pushes faster, letting his thrust push your body forward. Your corset begins to shift downward as your breasts fall out of it from the repeated rough thrusting by Ten.

Your body is in a strange, contorted position as it is fucked into by two cocks. You can feel the two members run against each other, separated by a thin, silky wall. The friction feels amazing, for they both slide in and out of you easily. Lucas helps you by moving his hips and rubbing your back.

He holds Ten’s hand with his other hand, intertwining their fingers and locking eyes with him as they both groan and pant.

They fuck into your lifeless body, filling the room with filthy noises. Your essence runs down your thighs in a steady stream and onto them both. It’s a mixture of pain and pleasure as Lucas’ tip presses into your insides when he goes deeper and Ten continues to bury himself into you, his pelvis making a slapping noise as it hits your ass cheeks. 

You start to kiss Lucas’ neck, then suck onto it.

Lucas moans. “Fuck, I’m close.”

Ten gives you a harsh thrust, causing you to accidentally bite into Lucas’ neck.

Lucas becomes undone with the action. He attempts to slip out of you so he doesn’t cum inside, but Ten smirks, gripping your hips and pushing you back down onto Lucas. Lucas has to release into you as he sees stars and groans. You clench around him as a result, feeling every twitch and vein as he releases deep into you. 

Ten cums too from all of the vibrations he feels against his cock while inside you.

He buries himself so deep while you whimper into Lucas’ shoulder.

You cum hard, your eyes roll in the back of your head as Lucas holds your body still.

You all breathe heavily, your body relaxing into Lucas as Ten pulls out of you and falls to the side.

But Ten isn’t done. He crawls over you and flips your body over so you’re facing him.

“Put your legs on hers.” He instructs Lucas.

Lucas sits up, his back against the headboard once more as you rest in between his legs. He doesn’t question Ten, he only does as he’s told, for he too is curious to see what he has in mind for you. Lucas places his legs on yours, entangling them so he’s in charge of where they go.

You’re too tired to say anything, your chest rising and falling as you are still reeling from your climax. 

Ten gazes at your breasts and hard nipples. “You’re so beautiful, I just want to taste you..I want to taste you both.” Ten gets onto his stomach and crawls over to your opening, his breath fanning it as it leaks of cum from both you and Lucas.

You’re still sensitive so his hot breath makes you flinch, you try to close your legs but Lucas forced them to stay still.

Ten licks his lips. “Open.” He doesn’t look at you, he only looks at Lucas.

Lucas spreads your legs open by moving his longer ones, bending them at the knee so they’re further apart.

Lucas then plays with your nipple, pinching it lightly before pumping your breast. “That felt good, right? Do you want to cum again, baby girl?”

Your eyes are closed when Lucas’ faint whisper enters your ears. You can feel his abs flex against your naked back. His body is hot and comforts yours, almost distracting you from the cold air between your wavering legs.

“Yes..” You murmur before swallowing hard. You were greedy for both men, ready to do whatever they wanted you to.

Lucas’ large hands on your chest has you ready for another climax.

He nibbles onto your ear before kissing your neck again while Ten leaves a sloppy trail of kisses from the crook of your knee to the apex of your thighs.

His mouth latches onto your thigh, sucking the skin hard between his teeth. He then runs his skinny fingers in between your folds, drawing a slow circle to gather your essence as well as Lucas’.

Your mouth falls open into a lousy cry, to which Ten responds to by shoving those fingers into your mouth.

“Suck, baby, taste yourself.” Ten’s breath fans your opening, making you flinch.

You close your mouth and suck hard, licking between the two fingers as your eyes close. Ten watches everything, he enjoys the way your tongue feels on him, and the way Lucas’ large fingers continue to play with your perky nipples.

“Look at me, sweetheart.” Ten beckons your attention.

You open your eyes and look into his just as he licks a long stripe up your opening.

You whimper and try to close your legs again, but Lucas easily overpowers you. You’re more sensitive than you thought.

Ten chuckles and licks you slowly again.

You look at the dark haired man between your legs and cry out when he gives a look so wicked it makes your heart weak.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long, how about you, Lucas? Have you wanted to fuck our sweet princess?” Ten emphasizes the word ‘fuck’ and it sends chills up your spine.

He kisses your entrance then buries his face into the apex of your legs, licking into your opening as his perfect nose presses against your clit.

“Oh God, Ten!” You cry out and your head falls back. You’re still sensitive and you try to escape from Lucas’ grip, but you have no such luck.

“Of course, Ten.” Lucas’ warm breath hits your neck as he speaks against it. He watches his fingers flick across the hard nipples that stick out from your perfectly round breasts.

He squeezes them hard as he feels himself grow again. “I’ve always wanted fuck our beautiful friend. I can just imagine how sweet her pussy tastes.”

Ten pulls away and licks his lips. “She tastes like the most expensive meal I’ve ever had, Lucas.”

Hearing them talk dirty about you makes you clench around the tip of Ten’s tongue. The idea that they’ve fantasized about you makes that familiar knot in the base of your stomach begin to grow again.

Ten grows hard as well at the sound of your whimpers and the taste of your wet flower.

He pushes two fingers into you again, all while kissing your clit and eating you out while you were spread open for him.

Lucas takes your hand and places it onto his member. “Sweet girl, touch me.”

You begin to pump Lucas as he groans into your ear. The low tone of his voice makes you clench around Ten’s fingers. You begin to feel dizzy, Ten’s tongue drawing circles onto your clit as he finger tips curve into you and press against your G-spot repeatedly. He licks everything up before flattening his tongue against you while you jump. You moan loudly, and you’re not sure if the other attendees at the party heard you, but you realized that it got quieter. Maybe it was because they were all going home now.

Ten withdraws his fingers when he feels that you are close. He fixes himself over you and holds his cock while licking his lips.

Now that you’ve gotten a good look at it, you see that it’s not as long as Lucas’ but has a curve and girth that is sure to drive you mad.You bite your lips and look at Ten with wide eyes as he strokes it.

“That’s it, baby, you want my cock in your pussy now, isn’t that right?”

You nod, but Lucas takes your chin into his hand. “Use your words, baby girl.”

“Y-yes. Yes, fuck me, Ten.” You beg and whimper.

Ten smirks and lowers himself. He teases you more by tapping the tip of his cock onto your bud a few trikes. He then guides the tip along your folds, parting them to coat his pink tip with your essence.

“Ten..please.” Every time he touches your entrance, you feel your heart begin to race in anticipation.

He watches closely as he pushes into you hard, your body moving upwards against Lucas as the air is knocked out of your heaving chest.

You close your eyes tightly while you adjust. Ten grips your waist hard and uses it as an anchor to pull his body into yours more, pushing all the way into you so your skin slaps against his.

Ten pounds into you relentlessly from the front this time while you pump your hand up and down around Lucas. 

Ten presses your legs further apart, you feel like they might break as his hips snap into yours. You cry out his name, your eyes watering. His cock runs against your walls rapidly as he chases after his high. His hips make a slapping sound. The curve of his cock allows him to press against your sweet spot and his rapid speed makes you clench.

Your head falls back against Lucas as he grunts into your ear. “Fuck this is hot, seeing you like this..”

“We’re gonna make her cum harder than she’s ever cum before...” Ten’s hair sticks to his forehead, his mouth falling open as he gets closer.

“Choke her for me.” Ten demands as he watches your swollen lips. He wished they were wrapped around his cock, but being inside you and feeling your silky entrance tighten around him was enough for now.

Lucas wraps a hand around your throat, squeezing it gently. “Harder.” Ten demands.

You moan as he tightens it, your pussy quivering in response. You arch your back.

Ten chuckles, he grips your knees then leans down and kisses you while sliding in and out of you still. 

“Ah!  Ten!” You can feel yourself clench every time he enters your quivering body.

You’re lightheaded as he rubs circles into you, making you a trembling mess.He bites your bottom lip as he lets go, his movement stuttering. He moves his fingers onto your bud faster.

Lucas grips your throat tightly as he is about to cum as well.

“Cum for me.” Ten’s husky voice enters your ear before he leans down to Lucas. He sucks his neck hard as Lucas cums into your hand, gripping your neck even harder as he climaxes.

You cant breathe, you clench uncontrollably and moan, releasing onto Ten’s dick as he presses against your bud one final time. “Ahh..good girl.” Ten’s husky voice enters your ears.

Ten then releases into you, your convulsing pussy gripping his length into a tight hug as you orgasm. He moves sloppily, thrusting into your still body to push all of his cum deep into you.

Your breasts moving up and down as you try to collect yourself.

Ten pulls out and looks down onto your weak body. Your legs are still open and he can see his cum leak out of you and onto your thigh.

He isn’t pleased with this so he takes his fingers and swirls it around your opening, collecting the juices and pushing it back into you. He was jealous of the way Lucas came inside you, and for Ten this meant that he wanted you to be filled by him, he wants to know that he’s still inside you.

You struggle to get away from his fingers. “Ten..oh my God.” You cry out at the overstimulation.

“I’m gonna make you feel good again.”

“Lucas—“ You whimper.

Lucas distracts you from the overwhelming feeling by tilting your head towards his. He kisses you while Ten’s fingers keep you open.

Ten’s fingers easily glide inside but you’re so sensitive, tears start to fall from your eyes.

There is not more strength left in your body let alone your widespread legs.

“Lucas..you have to feel our sweet girl.” Ten takes Lucas’ hand, placing two fingers over his then pushes all four into your throbbing hole.

They stretch you out as they both pump in and out now, Lucas’ fingers are longer so they press onto your sensitive button repeatedly.

“Oh my-..” you bite your lips and watch as their fingers, coated in mixed essences, disappear into your body.

Lucas nibbles your ear in response.

Ten’s gaze is fixed on your body, so full of him, so beautiful and spread open...for him.

His eyes are low, but you can’t help but notice that it’s a wild gaze that makes you feel wanted, something you’d never seen from Ten before.

“Do you want to cum again, sweetheart?”

You nod.

Ten is weakened by your glossy, wide eyes and swollen lips. He’d give anything to see you like this again. He smirks and lowers himself to your chest and licks the hard nubs that stick out from your breasts.

“Does that feel good?” Ten bites the skin between your breasts.

“Ahh! Yes, Ten!” You cry out and grip the sheets, your head spinning as you start to see stars. Another high approaches. You start to rock your hips on your own to meet the movement of their fingers.

“Ten..touch me there.” You plead and it’s like music to Ten’s ears.

Ten takes his other hand and rubs your bud, watching as your jaw clenched and your head falls onto Lucas’ shoulder once more. All you needed was a simple movement from his fingers to proceed to lustful bliss.

Both Ten and Lucas moan when they feel you tighten around their fingers.

They withdraw their fingers and switch positions quickly, their cocks now hard again after hearing your beautiful sounds and feeling you.

Ten holds you from behind, your vision becomes blurry but you can hear him chuckle.

“Do you wanna play with her Lucas? She’s so wet and ready for you.” Ten says before putting his fingers into your mouth. You lick everything up while moaning.

Lucas smiles and licks his lips as he watches your mouth open wide for Ten’s fingers.

Lucas places both hands on your knees and presses down, he enters you in one swift movement. Your mouth falls open into a loud cry as you are stretched outagain after not recovering completely from your last climax.

“Lucas! Fuck.”

He can’t help but move fast, gliding in and out of your slippery, tight pussy because he is already close to cumming. He pushes into you so deep, your body moves up on the bed. Ten holds onto your waist so you say still.

You pull Lucas down towards you, leaving scratch marks all over his back as he ruins your insides. You wrap your legs around his waist, latching onto him like a koala.

Ten slides out from under you, kneeling beside you and tilting your head towards him by placing a finger on your jaw.

“He’s hard again because of you, sweetheart.” Lucas whispers into your neck, his long lashes grazing your jawline.

Ten strokes his cock in front of you. Your mouth opens and you let your tongue run along the underside.

“Good girl.” Ten groans and pushes forward into your mouth. You whimper as he hits the back of your throat unexpectedly, but then you immediately hollow your cheeks and groan, sending spastic vibrations onto Ten’s cock.

Ten’s head falls back, he closes his eyes and thinks about how good your plump lips feel around his aching member. His hips move steadily as he groans.

With each rough thrust Lucas gives you, you hum a high pitched tone that makes them both go crazy. 

Sweat forms on Lucas’ forehead as he looks up at your cheeks full with Ten. Lucas’ movement stutters and he releases into you once again, collapsing onto your body as he slows down.

Lucas starts to finger you so you can cum also while sucking Ten off. Ten smooths your hair back while smirking, watching as a continuous flow of tears escape your eyes, you’re so sensitive but you just won’t say the safe word because they feel..amazing.

Ten moves a few more times before releasing into your throat. You choke and gag as he pulls out, watching a string of spit and cum drop onto your chin.

Ten pinches your nipples as he recovers from climaxing while Lucas still moves his fingers in and out. Lucas kisses your jaw and down to your neck, his fingers tickling your tender sweet spot. But you just can’t take anymore, your body is weak, your head spins and soon everything turns to black.

Lucas immediately withdraws his fingers when he sees that you’ve blacked out, your body silent and falling completely limp as your arms relax to the side.

Ten also stops playing with your breasts, he only looks onto your naked body and thinks to himself, what a beautiful sight you are. Your body is wet, sweaty and full of their cum. Your hair is messy and lips swollen.

Lucas lays down beside you and loosens your corset completely, tossing it to the side and allowing you to sleep comfortably.

Ten goes to the bathroom and comes back with a wet cloth, he cleans you up then hands another cloth to Lucas.

The three of you then lay together in bed, with you in between them. The boys fell asleep shortly after since they too were tired, but not without sparing each other quick glances first. They were both unsure of what would happen next in their friendship, but they both knew that above all, they wanted you.

In the middle of the night, Lucas wakes up and heads to the bathroom to get a glass of water. He brings it back to the bed and taps you gently.

“y/n..” he whispers as to not wake Ten who lays beside you on the other side of the king sized bed.

Your heavy eyes open slowly and you struggle to make out Lucas’ face in the darkness.

“Here..have some water.” He helps you sit up straight as you look around questioningly. You look around you and see a sleeping Ten then it all comes back to you, you remember what happened a few hours before.

You take the glass from Lucas and drink the water to soothe your throat which is as dry as the desert.

Lucas smiles when he takes the empty glass away. He lays down beside you and takes you into his arms, you wrap your arms around him and close your eyes before falling back asleep.

————

[Three Days Later]

“We should talk about that night..” Lucas looks out into the water as he speaks to you and Ten. The three of you are at your favorite hangout spot, the cherry blossom tree by the water.

It’s been a few days since the amazing orgy the three of you had, and while things hadn’t necessarily been awkward since then, things weren’t exactly back to normal either.

“There isn’t much to say.” Ten is quick to shoot down Lucas’ proposal. He looks at his fingernails and purses his lips.

“I agree with Ten, let’s just...move on. We were all drunk and-we had fun. We’re still best friends, let’s just make sure that it doesn’t happen again.” You look up at Lucas, hoping that he will nod and not question their relationship any more.

Ten scoffs, tilting his head towards you and lifting his lips into a smirk. “Was it that bad? I remember you crying out both our names like your life depended-“

“Ten! Stop! It was amazing, but I-I can’t see myself in a relationship like that or to be quite frank, I can’t see myself with either of you..”

Ten’s face straightens and Lucas turns to you completely, his brows furrowing.

Your eyes move rapidly to and from both curious faces.

“You guys are my best friends, you always will be..a relationship would only ruin what we already have.” You look up to them with pleading eyes.

Lucas swallows hard and turns away. “If that’s what you want, y/n.”

Ten nods, his playful smirk returning. “Okay, understood.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow at 1 then? Lucas will you be joining us for lunch?”

“I can’t, I already have an engagement for that time, but I will see you the next day.” Lucas smiles and says goodbye to both you and Ten.

You watch as the tall, built man leaps onto his horse. His strong arms and veiny hands gripping the straps of the holster before calling out to his steed. And you suddenly started to regret the statements you spoke so strongly just moments ago.

If only you could control your lust for him..for them.

————

Ten leads you into his house for lunch. He’s dressed casually, but still looks incredibly handsome, his dark hair is pushed back and his lips are a pretty blush color.

“How are you today, sweetheart?” Ten leans towards you.

Sweetheart.. it was a name you hadn’t heard him call you since the other night.

You ignore your thought and smile. “I’m doing well..excited to finally eat some food!”

Ten laughs, he adores your excited expressions, the way your eyes grow at the sight of food that you love and the way you dance and grin from ear to ear.

He’s happy his parents and Lucas are away so it’ll just be the two of you.

But when you step into the dining room, you’re shocked to see his dining table is empty.

This was unusual for Ten as he always had food out and ready for his guests once they were over.

Ten can’t see your knitted brows as he stands behind you. “The food won’t be out for another thirty minutes or so..what do you suggest we do?” His voice is low as he steps forward, he presses his chest onto your back before placing his hands onto your waist.

You turn around to him swiftly and gaze into his eyes.

“W-what are you doing?” Your questions comes out weakly as Ten’s intense gaze towards your lips takes your breath away.

He leans down and kisses you, but you pull away.

“Ten-“ Your expression of confusion doesn’t faze him, he only grips your waist tighter.

“I can’t stop thinking about you..”

“We..can’t do this.” You shake your head.

“Yes we can, we’re royals, you and I..we can do whatever we want. Have you stopped thinking about me? You couldn’t possibly forget my hands on your trembling thighs, my tongue reaching the sweetest places to make you scream?”

Your heart begins to race as you feel your underwear become wet at his words, you close your legs tightly and swallow hard. Your mouth falls open, you struggle to find the right words to say for you truly don’t know what you want in this moment.

Ten kisses you abruptly again, this time, exploring your mouth with his eager tongue as he pulls your body closer to his.

You let your eyes close and embrace the kiss. You couldn’t fight the feeling any longer. You had to give in..just this once.

Ten presses forward towards the table before laying you down onto it. Your lips separate from each other’s to breathe. Ten quickly drags your panties down before kneeling down. He leaves your dress on and gives you a mischievous smile.

You bite your lips as you watch him lift the dress and go under it, your knees bending as his hands hold your legs at the crook.

He starts first by kissing your thighs and licking them ever so slowly.

“Ten..” You call out his name as you grip the table cloth.

He then flicks his tongue onto your folds, making you yelp. Ten laps up your essence, his tongue moving slowly up and down and in circles, teasing your entrance while you let out cute mewls. You try to hold back your moans so the servants won’t hear. Your head falls against the cold table as you bite your lips.

His tongue plunged into your core, the tip pressing onto a sensitive spot near your bud teasingly. He takes his time covering all areas before kissing your slit, and letting out a throaty groan. He lets his tongue work wonders on your core, flattening against your flower as his nose brushes against your clit.

“Ahhh..you taste lovely, sweetheart.”He says before strengthening his tongue and pushing in even deeper.

You start to clench around him, your back arches. You want to grab his hair as you grind your hips against his face, but Ten pulls away, leaving you clenching around nothing but air.

He withdraws from under your dress and breathes heavily, licking his lips as he looks onto your hard nipples peeking out from under the thin cloth that covers them.

He pulls the fabric down, allowing one breast to escape. He takes the nipple into his mouth, sucking hard as you arch yourself into him even more. You can feel his hard cock brush against your thigh.

“Ten—“ you breathlessly utter out. “Please.”

Ten only hums as he still sucks onto your breast.

He lets go after a few seconds then kisses your lips while taking his pants down.

You wrap your legs around his waist, your dress riding up to your hips as a result.

He goes back to sucking your breast as he pushes into you carefully. You gasp and your head falls back, the veins of his cock providing the perfect stimulation to your core and he gets deeper.

You press your hands onto his butt, pushing him deeper into you with each thrust.

Your moans grow louder as does his. You both no longer care about who could hear, you only cared for satisfying that itch deep within you that was aching.

Ten looks up at you through low eyes, watching as your body tenses and your breast jumps with each push. He once again thinks to himself of how he adores every part of you. He wants to be enraptured by you all the time.

And seeing you like this in the day time, your sweaty skin sparkling and your hair shiny as the rays of sunlight that escaped the curtains fall onto you. You smell like the flowers that bloomed right outside and you taste like the best freshly baked cake.

His hips snap into yours, a strand of hair falling into his forehead, making him even more beautiful than he was before. You both hear the clinking and shaking of the glassware on the table as he fucks hard into your body on the table, but you ignore it, instead listening to each other’s staggered breaths.

“Ten..Ah! That’s it...right there.”

Your sounds are unlike anything he’s heard before. And after listening to your beautiful mewls, his movement stutters as he releases into you, coating your walls with his slick.

You cum as well, clenching around him after he hits your sweet spot with the perfect amount of force.

The two of you kiss through it all, sharing a moment of complete and ignorant bliss. You’re not worried about the past nor the future or even Lucas. You only care for the now.

Ten finally pulls away and falls onto the chair behind him. Your legs relax as you fix your dress and sit up straight.

Ten licks his lips and smirks. “Bring the food in!” He yells to his servants whom he knows are just in the room next door.

“Wait-you knew they were there?” Your eyes widened, but Ten only chuckles as he fixes his pants then helps you off the table.

“We’re royals, love. We can do whatever we want.”

Your lunch continues normally, you try not to think too much about what happened, but it is noticeably quiet at the table.

There’s a heavy energy around the two of you. One that’s filled with questions.

“I could get used to this..” Ten takes a sip of his drink but looks at you over the glass.

“What?” You ask.

“You and I..just the two of us..like this.”

You laugh and take a bite of your food. “You’re funny..you and I both know we need Lucas. Have you forgotten how much we fight when he’s not around? How close we’ve been to tearing each other apart?”

Ten laughed. “You do have a point.”

There’s a moment of silence before Ten asks his next question.

“But it’s not entirely impossible, right?”

You both knew where Ten was going with this. Within a year or two, Ten would have to pick a woman to be married to. It was customary for this to occur soon after graduation as both parties must begin to fulfill their duties together for a better society. In a few months, there would be a pairing ceremony for young graduates to meet others that could become a potential lifelong partner.

Ten was the highest ranking bachelor in your country. And fortunately, he was gorgeous, unlike anyone that walked the land. Any and every woman would kill to be at his side, but he just wanted you, the one woman that didn’t seem so eager to be by his side and attain his riches.

“I don’t know Ten, I think I like what we have already..” you sigh, you knew you needed way more time to think about marriage. “The three of us are perfect as friends. I..don’t want to lose either of you.” 

You spoke honestly, but Ten wasn’t satisfied. You always found a way to bring up Lucas and he didn’t like that. He loved Lucas deeply too, but he was willing to give him up if it meant gaining you to himself.

“Ten?”

He didn’t realize that he had held his utensil so tightly, his knuckles paled.

You reached out and placed your hand over his. 

“Oh.” He finally relaxed and smiled. “I’m sorry—I was lost in thought for a moment. Yes..whatever you wish.” He nodded and finished his food.

————

Ten’s parents returned the next day, so you didn’t expect to see him as often.

Lucas, however, paid you a visit that day.

“Shall we go to the market?” Lucas’ smile beamed when you opened the door.

You grinned and headed out with him. He helped you into his carriage before signaling for the driver to take off.

The two of you walked about the market, purchasing fruits and vegetables that you loved while talking and laughing. Many people were there, some played music on stringed instruments while some painted in the street and others observed.The smell of sizzling street food filled the air.

The two of you shared memories of school. “Remember when Ten lied to the teacher and said that you stole his notebook?”

“Yes! I slapped him so hard once we got to the tree, I’m surprised he didn’t scar.” You laughed.

Lucas bent over, clutching his stomach as he laughed. “His face was priceless, he didn’t see it coming. You would’ve kicked him too if I didn’t pull you away.”

“He was and still is such a mischievous boy.” You giggled and let Lucas take your hand as you headed back to the carriage.

You gazed into the side of Lucas’ face as you endured the bumpy ride from the market. A part of you felt like telling him about you and Ten, but a part of you also knew that you would hurt Lucas. And what good would it do to tell him the truth? It would ease your conscience but it could also ruin your friendship as you were the one to tell them that you would only continue as friends.

You went back on your own statement and now you were disappointed with yourself. You had a growing fondness for both men, but especially Lucas, and this would only end up hurting you all.

Lucas was warm and bright, his smile lit up every room he went into and he was always there to make sure that you were comfortable and happy. You fell in love with him from the first time you saw him. You felt love towards Ten too, but it wasn’t as strong as what you felt for Lucas for some reason.

“Are you trying to find something?” Lucas turned to you with raised eyebrows.

You didn’t notice that you had been staring for too long.

You laughed and looked forward. “I’m sorry I was just..”

“Just what?” Lucas pressed and looked onto your lips.He too couldn’t stop thinking about that night and how good you felt. How satisfied he was once he was finally making love to you after all these years.

“To be honest, Lucas, I was thinking about us..”

“Me, you, and Ten? We’re the greatest of friends to ever grace this land.” Lucas teased, he knew what you meant.

“No..no” you laughed and shook your head. “Me and you.”

“What about ‘me and you?’” He knows what you’re thinking but he wants to hear you say it.

“I-I’m not sure if I want us to..only be friends.” You instantly regretted telling Lucas how you felt. Sure, you felt this way, but what if he didn’t?

“Lucas..wait, I’m sorry, forget I said anyth-“

Lucas leaned forward and took your head in his hands, he placed his lips onto yours for a kiss.

You kissed him back and scooted closer to him. The kiss felt like it moved in slow motion, with each touch of your lips you felt a spark of electricity through your body. You felt your legs become weak as your tongues embraced one another playfully.

It was until a few moments later that you pulled away to breathe.

“We’re here.” You stared at Lucas’ lips as you bit your own.

Lucas quickly gets out of the carriage and opens your door to help you out.

The two of you walk to your door in an awkward silence.

Lucas brushes a hand through his hair and smiles. “I can’t forget..I can’t forget anything you say or do.”

He chuckles as he turns to leave. “What have you done to me? Are you some kind of sorceress?”

You smile. “Please..don’t leave.” You step forward.

Lucas’ lips crash onto yours once more. You stumble into your house and up the stairs. The climb is endless as your staircase is incredibly large.

“My parents... aren’t home.” You say between kisses, you can feel yourself leak in your underwear as Lucas’ large hands hold your waist. You begin to tear off your dress while Lucas shakes off his jacket.

“Perfect.” He holds your hand and stops you from going up any more stairs.

He turns you around and kneels down, taking you with him.

Your back is against his heaving chest, your head is turned towards his as you continue to kiss passionately.

Lucas drags down your dress then pulls his pants down, allowing his cock to spring free.

Your knees meet with the cold stairs during which Lucas pushes your panties to the side. He holds himself up with one hand while the other goes between your legs.

You watch his arms flex and feel like cumming just from the sight.He presses two fingers into your slit, sweeping your juices across the opening while listening to you moan loudly.

Just feeling his touch is enough to make you dizzy. His large body covers yours completely like a singular dark cloud over a small town, except he is light, he is warmth. He makes you feel safe and desired. All you want is to be filled by him, to be loved by him.

His long fingers stretch you out as you lay onto the rigid stairs. Lucas kisses your neck with his plump lips, your body flinching each time his knuckles brush against your clit.

“How do you feel? Are you ready?” He whispers softly before nibbling on your ear.

“Yes, Lucas.”

Lucas takes his fingers away and strokes his member, he taps the tip against your slit before parting your fold slowly and pushing in.

You grip the edge of the stair above you tightly and close your eyes, focusing on adjusting to his length.

He finally fills you completely and begins to move in and out while watching your mouth fall open.

Lucas feels amazing inside you, your velvety walls swallow him up like he’s the perfect fit made just for you.

He places his hand onto the lower part of your stomach, feeling his tip as he pushes into you.

“Fuck.” He curses when you clench.

He moves faster. You start to make that high pitched moan again. Lucas takes your leg and throws it over his shoulder, your body turns to the side so you can now see his face.

He holds onto your ankle tighter. Sweat gracing his forehead as his hair falls into his face.His groans combined with sounds of skin against skin fills the air.

Lucas watches his dick go deeper and deeper into your quivering hole. He takes his fingers and rubs circles into your bud.

“Lucas!” Your back begins to hurt as the edge of the stair digs into it but you can only focus on Lucas pounding into you and dominating your entire body.

“Cum for me.” He demands.

You cum onto him, your pussy pulsating around him as he thrusts into your body a few more times.

He pulls out before releasing strings of cum onto your stomach and thigh.

He pants and lets go of your leg. You lay back onto the stairs to collect yourself. Just then, Lucas takes your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours. He leans down and kisses you.

“I think I love you,” Lucas lets out.

You give a small smile. “I love you too, Lucas..but, this feels..wrong.”

“What do you mean?” His brows furrow and he lifts himself from you.

He doesn’t know that you’ve already done this with Ten, he’s not the only one. You can’t commit to him if you’ve already been unfaithful..or could you?

“We can’t..do this..I love you and I love Ten. I-“You shake your head, you’re so confused, you don’t know what to say.

“I understand.” Lucas stands up and fixes his pants.

“Lucas..wait.” You reach out for his hand but he hands you your dress instead.

“I’ll see you soon.” He states before heading out, never turning to see your teary face.

And so you thought that was the end of it, but it was far from over.

You and Lucas would go on to engage in sex for the coming months, sneaking off into hallways or into empty rooms and even the bath. You couldn’t get enough of each other. But you never told Ten, you knew he would be furious.

No one knows about you and Lucas, not your parents, and certainly not Ten. Ten had been distancing himself for some time, and neither you nor Lucas were sure why. He would rarely make time for you since that time you two had “lunch.” Did he know about you and Lucas? Did he take your answer as a no?

As far as you knew, you were secretly dating Lucas but Ten thought the three of you were still in a simple friendship. It felt wrong, but it felt right.

———

[AUGUST 1984]

You’re woken up by a hard pounding on your bedroom door.

“Yes?” You yell out.

“y/n..it’s Ten..he’s here with bad news.” Your mother states softly.

You quickly threw on a dress and headed down the stairs with your mother.

You see Ten at the door, his eyes are red, like he’s been crying for a long time.

You felt your body begin to shake. Did he find out? Did Lucas break down and tell him? You couldn’t bear to see him like this, especially if you were the reason behind his sadness.

“Ten? What’s wrong?”

“It’s my father..he’s...passed away.”

“Oh Ten..” you immediately open your arms up and hug him. “I’m so sorry.”

He holds you close for a while as you both cry.

————

[OCTOBER 1894]

You never left Ten’s side, you cried with him, made sure he ate, and even slept with him. It would start off with a kiss then lead to something else. You enjoyed the sex but you also just wanted him to feel better.

Lucas would stop by Ten’s place every now and then, but would leave after only an hour or so. You didn’t expect him to be like this especially since he was also Ten’s best friend.

The truth was that after the first two weeks, Lucas didn’t see why you had to be by Ten all the time, every hour of the day. But worst of all, he speculated that you had been sleeping with Ten as well. He had no proof but one night he stayed nearby, waiting to see if you would leave Ten to go to your home.

But you never left.

The next day, he pulled you outside to talk to you. You rubbed your neck and looked to the ground. “What’s wrong, Lucas?”

“y/n..it’s been two months, isn’t this a bit much?” He was angry, his jaw clenched and eyes narrow as they bore into yours.

“Lucas..he lost his father. You know how much he meant to him, how can you even say that?”

Lucas looked away and grit his teeth.

“Who are we to say how long one’s grieving period is?” You scoffed and looked to the side, exposing the hickeys on your neck in the process. “He was staying away from us because he knew that his father was dying, Lucas. He spent his time watching his strong father wither away to nothing, it was and still is difficult for him.”

Lucas looked back at you and spotted the marks, confirming his suspicions.

“y/n..is that bastard forcing you to have sex with him?” Lucas brows furrowed, his fists closed tightly.

“W-what?” You make a look of disgust that made Lucas realize how ridiculous his statement may have sounded.

“The love bites on your neck..did a ghost do that?”

“Lucas..don’t..” you scoff and shake your head.

Lucas looks away, licking his lips while he tries to stay calm.“You think fucking him will make him happier? You think that’ll stop him from thinking of his dead father?!”

“Lucas!” You slap him.

“He’s using you! He just wants to be close with you!” Lucas yells now, you were afraid that Ten would’ve heard him upstairs.

“What’s the matter?” A calm voice startles you from behind. You turned around, it was Ten’s mother.

She looks at you then to Lucas, her facing turning dark and grim. She looks repulsed by the sight of Lucas. She probably heard what he said about her son.

“Nothing..Lucas was just leaving.” You turn to him and shake your head.

He huffs, but turns away swiftly.

“That fool.” The queen scoffed when she realized that he didn’t bow nor bother to acknowledge her presence, a grave mistake on his part.

But you walked up to Ten’s room, holding back tears. How could Lucas be this way? He was trying to tell you that Ten was using you, but that couldn’t be true. You were his friend, you were doing what you could to ease the pain of his loss.

Lucas’ words ran through your mind even as you rode Ten that night. The swivel of your hips, the bouncing of your naked breasts, the glow of your body in the dim light of his room, it all made him weak for you. He bit his lips to hold back a loud groan. But as he got closer, he couldn’t help but notice that you were distracted.

“What’s wrong, my love?” Ten asked, his hands running up and down your thighs as he brows furrow.

“Nothing..it's nothing..I’m just a bit tired.” You place your hands onto his chest and focus on the building pleasure in your core.

Ten raises his eyebrows and shifts on the bed, stopping you by taking your wrists into his hand

“I’ll take over then.” He flips you over quickly, immediately pushing deeper into you.

A breath leaves your chest as your mouth falls open. Ten moves faster while rubbing your clit. “How do you feel now? Any better?”

“Oh, God..yes, Ten.” Your eyes shut tightly.

Based on your moans and clenched jaw, he knows he has successfully gained your complete attention and he couldn’t be more satisfied. Feeling you fall into him night by night was all that mattered. He wanted to be close to you, feel you..to love and be loved by you.

“Thank you..for everything.” Ten whispered softly into your ear, sliding his cock out of you and laying down beside you as you came down from your climax. The two of you cuddled and fell asleep shortly after.

He didn’t say anything about the conversation you and Lucas had downstairs so you assumed he hadn’t heard.

But the truth was..he watched and listened to everything. He heard what Lucas accused him of doing, and now he saw his true colors. 

———

[Two Weeks Later] 

Letters detailing a new order from the widowed queen have been issued to all sub royals in the land. The king and the queen, Ten’s parents, are the highest royals and their orders can never be overturned or challenged. Anything they say, must go because of their family name.

Their letters usually listed new laws that dealt with taxes and such, but every now and then, they detailed a new marriage to be set for a bachelor and bachelorette so that they may merge their houses and operate as one.

“y/n..we’ve received a letter from the Queen, have you heard about this?” Your mother entered your room as you got ready to go to Ten’s house.

“No..what does it say?” You took the letter from her as she gulped.

Your brows knitted at her expression. You looked at the piece of paper and read it out loud.

“‘Dear citizens, it is imperative that a marriage be conducted within the arrival of the next month. The graduation of our finest gentlemen and ladies has allowed them to move forward to becoming profound and hardworking adult citizens of this land. However, we must combine two powerful houses for maximum impact and success. Prince Lucas of the Wong family and Princess Rosé of the Park family will be the first couple to be wed. Once the wedding ceremony is complete, the newlyweds will live in the Park family estate to fulfill their duties for their own precious citizens. Congratulations, and I look forward to a grand celebration for the unification of these two houses.’”

The paper falls to the floor as your hand grows weak. “No..no no..this can’t..this can’t happen.” Your eyes start to water. Lucas, the one you loved so dearly, was now set to be married to another. How could Ten’s mother make such an abrupt order without a consultation with Lucas first?

“Honey..I know you liked him, but it was bound to happen..” Your mother places her hands on your shoulders.

“No..no this isn’t right. The pairing ceremony was postponed indefinitely..We-were supposed to meet eligible mates in a few months..How-Why would she do this?”

“It’s not our duty to question the Queen, y/n. I’m sorry, but there is nothing we can do.”

“No, there has to be something. I have to- I have to talk to Ten.” You jump up and run to your chariot without fixing your hair.

On the way there, you couldn’t calm your thoughts. You wanted to be with Lucas, you loved him. And now he would have to marry someone else and live far away.

Tears ran down your cheeks as you sobbed uncontrollably. The only way that you would be able to see Lucas is to take a train to him.

Flashes of his bright smile stained your thoughts, you only saw him as you panted.

You finally reached Ten’s place. You banged on the door and waited for the doorman to open it. Once inside, you immediately ran up to Ten’s room. But he wasn’t there.

“Ten!” You called out.

You spun around, and was shocked to find him standing there with a small smile on his face.

“What’s wrong, darling?”

“Ten! Your mother..the-the Queen, She’s sending Lucas away, she can’t do that, please don’t let her do that to us.” You choked out as more tears escaped.

Ten wasn’t sure what you meant by ‘us.’ Did you mean the three of you? Or you and Lucas.

Ten nodded and hugged you tightly. “Shhh it’s gonna be okay..I tried already y/n..I tried, but she won’t listen to me. She knows that he’s my best friend and what sending him so far away would do to me..but I couldn’t stop her.”

“Oh God, Ten.. I’m so sad.”

“I know..I am too.” Ten states. A devilish smile covering his face as you cry onto his shoulder.

———

[NOVEMBER 1894]

It’s the day after Lucas and Rosé’s wedding that you and Lucas escape to the tree for one last moment together.

You make love one final time. His back resting against the tree trunk as you kneel over his lap, your body shaking as it approaches its climax. The sun is beaming, the breeze is light and the shade under the blooming tree allows for a perfect balance of heat and coldness.

Lucas grips your thighs as you ride him, pushing up the fabric of your dress slowly. He kisses your neck while you cry.

The two of you spoke about the morning shortly before. You apologized for slapping him and he apologized for being self-centered.

“I love you..” he whispers onto your chest before pulling down the top of it for your breast to fall out.

He lets his tongue out, circling around the firm nipple. “I love you..too,” you let out through ragged breaths.

“Oh..Lucas!” You cry out and release onto him, he bucks his hips upward and into you as you tighten.

He then lifts you off of him and cums onto your thigh.

You sit beside him and rest your head onto his shoulder as you look out at the lake, taking in your final intimate moments with him.

“Please..don’t forget that I love you. I’m not far away.. and Ten..he’ll take care of you for me.”

Lucas runs his fingers along your arm while holding you close. He doubted Ten’s intentions, he had a feeling that it was he who told his mother to conjure up such an abrupt order, but he had no proof. And could his best friend really do that to him?

He could only hope that you would be safe and happy without him there.

It wasn’t customary or even “okay” for a woman to visit a man that had recently been married, but Lucas wanted to be with you..he had to be with you, and he was determined to find a way.

You send Lucas off and take different carriages. You cried but you’re also hopeful that you will see him again.

Later that evening, you have dinner with Ten. Your mind is empty, you don’t speak at all and Ten knows that it’s because you’re thinking of Lucas.

“y/n...you’ll see him again, I promise.. We will visit them as soon as they get settled.” He reaches out and places a hand on yours.

“I..just need time.” You say before taking a sip of your champagne.

“You’ve made me the happiest man, y/n..” Ten gives your hand a light squeeze. “And..the Queen must overturn her power to me, the upcoming King, for she is not fit to rule. But she can’t do that until I am married.”

“There are many Princesses competing for your hand, Ten. I see them practically tear each other’s heads apart once you’re mentioned.”

“I know, but there’s only one that I want.” Ten smiles and it makes your heart race. All you could think about was Lucas but you couldn’t deny the fact that a part of you loved Ten too, you didn’t want to hurt him.

“Ten..” You looked away.

“Marry me..I promise to make you as happy as you’ve made me for the rest of your life.”

“I-now’s not the time.” You pulled your hand away.

“Why not? I want you and you want me, right? Just say yes and all this could be yours, you can see Lucas whenever you want because you’d be the Queen.”

“Ten..I know..I know that, but I’m not sure-“

“What do you mean you’re not sure?” Ten stood up from his chair. “Who else is gonna love you like I do? Who else is gonna give you everything you ask for and more?”

“Ten..it’s not that..” you say back in your chair and stare at the table, your already meek  appetite fleeting even further.

“You’re not sure? That’s not what you said when I was fucking your brains out just last week!”

“Ten!” You jumped up from your chair. “If you think I’ll marry you when you talk about me like that in front of your servants, you’re crazy! The answer is no!”

You left his house hurriedly, heading to your carriage and signaling for the driver’s attention.

Ten ran after you. “y/n..I’m sorry, I was upset. Please just..listen to me.”

You shut the door before wiping the tears from your eyes. 

———

[DECEMBER 1984]

You hadn’t been back to Ten’s house since that night. You spent your time alone, caring for yourself and reading books about the land. You had to be prepared to be a good princess and leader. You had to know the laws.

Your mother would also help you when she had time.

“Did any mail come for me?” You ask every day at the same time, hoping for a letter from Lucas.

Your mother sighs. “No, dear”

She sits on the edge of the bed. “You know..if you want to talk to him..you should just visit. I hear the Park Family will be taking a tour of the villages tomorrow. Lucas won’t be present though as he must train more.”

“H-how did you know?”

“I know love when I see it, dear. From the way the two of you looked at each other during the wedding ceremony..I knew.”

You sighed. “Ten proposed to me..but I said..”

“No. I know you did, because deep down, you feel that your heart belongs to someone else. But my dear, the most difficult part of being a princess or queen, is emptying your heart of all love that it has just to make someone else happy, even if that someone else is not the one that owns your heart.”

You sighed. Your mother’s words were filled with the truth, and even though it hurt, you needed to hear it.

“Ten loves you, that much I know. Lucas loves you too, but that door has closed. And now, another one is open..you shouldn’t waste your precious time banging on the closed door.”

You nodded.

“With that being said..there’s a train that leaves the day after tomorrow. You should see Lucas one more time and say goodbye, for your sanity, you must cut all ties with him and let him go.” 

————

[Two Days Later] 

You gave the door a light knock and waited for an answer.

“Ahhh. Princess y/n..fancy seeing you here!” The doorman’s eyes widened. “It was quite a ride, wasn’t it?”

You smiled. “Hello. Yes, I’m very tired. But I’m thankful to be safe. Is Lucas here?”

He nodded. “Yes. I believe he is reading by that tree over there.”

You walked slowly towards Lucas, his long legs lay on the grass below the tremendous tree.

“Do you hang out by trees because you’re tall like one?” You asked as you got closer.

Lucas laughed out and put his book down, he turned towards you and smiled so brightly you thought he would outshine the sun itself.

“y/n!” He jumped up and ran towards you, his large arms pulling you into his bear hug.

“I’m so happy to see you.. how have you been?” Lucas searches your eyes.

“I’ve been..okay.” You weren’t doing great without him.

“Me too..” Lucas leans down to your face. He wants to kiss you deeply, without end. But he knows the workers around have wandering eyes, he knows they will tell not only Rosé, but her parents as well.

“What’s going on Lucas, why are you here and not closer to your own hometown?”

“Come..sit, we need to talk.” Lucas sits back down and pats the space on the ground beside him.

His expression turns serious as he turns to you.

“I..am stuck in this marriage, y/n. I know you want us to be together, but we can’t. If I leave Rosé, I will be forced to live as a beggar.” Lucas swallows hard.

Your brows are knitted but you then laugh out. “You can’t be serious.. you’re royalty! Leaving her would never turn you into a beggar!”

Lucas shakes his head. “That’s not it, y/n.”

You look to the ground, puzzled as to what he meant.

“I was told that my father, King Wong, was killed in battle when I was 8 years old. The King, Ten’s father, retrieved me and decided to raise me in his kingdom as a gift to my deceased father. The king thought it would be best for me to join him and receive a great education and train to become a royal commanding officer for his kingdom. My mother, however, had to stay while I was taken care of by a caretaker.”

“Your mother is still alive?” You looked up at him and gasped, shocked that he had lied to you.

“Yes.. I’m sorry I lied to you for all this time, but I had to, that is what the King told me to do to ensure my mother's safety. He told me to tell everyone that both of my parents died and that the Wong estate is thousands of miles away when in reality, it doesn’t even exist. He said that if I told everyone this he would take care of me and my mother, so I did.”

“Why—why would he do that?” You shook your head.

“Well, y/n..my mother wrote me a letter once I got here. She received news of my marriage and was disappointed that she could not attend the ceremony, but she sent me this letter through a private courier so that I could now know the truth.”

Lucas flipped through the book and opened the page to the spot where he hid the letter. He handed it to you.

“My mother is a commoner that was loved by the king himself. The king would travel to fulfill his duties while the queen stayed home and raised Ten. And during his travels, he met my mother and fell in love. She became pregnant with me. My real father..is the king.”

Your eyes widened as you looked at the note you held.

“You and Ten are—half brothers?”

“Shhh..no one can know, okay?”

You nodded quickly.

“The king sent my mother money every month with a courier to ensure that we would be well off and keep our mouths shut. We couldn’t tell anyone and even if we did, no one would believe us anyway so my mother agreed. When the king retrieved me, he already knew that he had an incurable illness, that’s why he felt it best for me to live with him. He knew that I could take care of my mother if I received royal status before he passed away. My mother married someone else and has another son, YangYang, that she takes care of. But y/n...”

“Y-yes..” you lean forward on both knees.

“The queen sent me away because she feared that my mother would come forward with the truth, thus keeping Ten from becoming King. And now that the King has died, the Queen has also stopped the courier and my mother no longer receives monthly allowances, she’s poor y/n. I cannot help her or my brother, for Rosé will notice and question everything.”

“I will help you, I will do everything I can Lucas.”

“No-no this isn’t your problem. I have to find a way to appease the Queen.”

“Lucas, you know how stubborn she is. She won’t help you.” It all made sense now, why the Queen despised Lucas. She knows that he’s a product of her husband's infidelity.

“I’ll get you the money..you just have to give me time, okay?” You weren’t sure how you were going to do that, but you had an idea. You love Lucas and as bizarre as this all sounded, you trust him and know that you have to help.

—————

[Two Days Later]

You knock on Ten’s door, anxiously awaiting for his doorman to open the door.

But it’s Ten that answers. He looks tired, his eyes are red, but he still looks handsome in his suit and pushed back hair

“Ten..we need to talk.” You step forward.

“y/n..sweetheart..it’s about time.” He smiles from ear to ear, his breath reeking of alcohol.

You push your way inside and shut the door.

“It’s urgent, I need your help.”

“You need MY help?” Ten plops down in his study as you sit beside him on the loveseat.

“I went to see Lucas and-“

“Ahh..yes I know..I know you went to see him, but I’ll keep it a secret. You just couldn’t wait for Rosé to leave so you could fuck him. What happened to ‘let’s remain friends’?”

“Ten, you’re an asshole. He’s my best friend too. How dare you talk to me like I’m some slut or something!”

“I went to him because he sent for me, he asked for my help.” You lied, but you just wanted Ten to listen to you, because you really needed him. You had thought about using your own family money but you knew that your mother would find out the truth and tell the kingdom.

So Ten was your only option.

“Here..drink some water.” You poured him a glass of water from the sink in the corner of the room.

He gulped it down and watched your figure as you sat on the seat across from him now. He wished you would sit beside him again, he wished he could touch you.

“Lucas is your half brother, Ten.”

Ten gulps down the water, his eyes widen and his grip on the glass weakens.

“You’re messing with me, is this your revenge?” He places the glass on a coffee table.

“No..I’m not.” 

You go on to tell him everything Lucas tells you, explaining how his very own father impregnated a commoner when he was two and a half years old.

Ten was devastated by the news, becoming shocked and disgusted that he experienced such sexual intimacy with someone he was related to by blood.

“Now, his family needs monetary help.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Ten looks at his nails.

“Ten! How could you ask that? Lucas is your best friend too, you wouldn’t want his family to suffer just because your father lied and cheated and your mother is self-centered and jealous?”

Ten’s eyes flickered up to you, giving you a dark expression that made you swallow hard. “Be careful, darling”

“I’m sorry...I’m just worried.” You looked to the side and rocked forward and backward as a million thoughts ran through your mind.

“Well, it seems there is something that you want that I have, and there is something that I want that you have..what should we do?” Ten smirks.

You shake your head as you realize what he is implying. “I...”

“I’ll take care of his mother and brother, y/n..but only if you promise to marry me next month. What do you say?”

“Ten—“ You start but your mother's words danced in your head.

“Yes or no, sweetheart. Don’t waste my time.” He stands up and walks towards you. He takes your face in his hands and tilts it upward so you have to look up at him. “It would be so sad if Lucas loses yet another parent this year..”

You bit your lips.

Ten traces the side of your face with his thumb, sending chills down your spine.

“So..y/n?”

You look up at him through your lashes and nod. “I’ll do it, I’ll marry you.”

————

[JANUARY 1895]

The news of your marriage to King Ten spread like wildfire across the Kingdom of Hearts. Many townspeople were not surprised at this development for your family was one of the closest allies to the Lee family. Also, Ten never made it a secret how much he was drawn to you. It was only a matter of when and where you would get married. Your parents were thrilled at the match as your family’s status would be elevated even more in the kingdom. You were happy in the sense that your family would be provided for but you were even more thankful for Ten’s promise to provide for Lucas’ family.

The Queen, Ten’s mother, was less than thrilled at the match. It seems as though she was aware that you also had feelings for Lucas. She never discussed it with you but what else could explain her animosity towards you when you were Ten’s best friend for all of these years? Queen Lee swallowed her pride and, for the sake of her son, begrudgingly blessed the marriage.

You had an entire team of ladies’ maids at your beck and call preparing you for the ceremony. Your A-line white gown was made of the finest fabrics the continent had to offer. The train of the dress was laced with some diamonds and pearls. Your fitted bodice was also laced with jewels so that the shape of a butterfly ran down to your waist. The Lee family spared no expense to make this the wedding of the millennium. It was definitely one for the books. Your dress was just the tip of the iceberg.

Your mother was on the verge of tears as she helped you fit your cathedral-length veil. The veil ran all the way down to the train of your dress. You gulped, worried that you would trip and humiliate yourself in front of the entire palace.

“My dear daughter, I am so happy for you,” she said as she kissed your cheek and fixed a couple of loose strands of hair from your face.

Part of you was a bit resentful to hear these words from your mother. No one had ever bothered to ask if this was what you truly wanted. What made you change your mind so quickly when you were adamant of your refusal to marry Ten when he first asked. Why would they? It would be ludicrous for you not to marry the most powerful man on the planet. He was gorgeous and ethereal. He was your best friend. He was destined to be in your life forever. You wouldn’t be surprised if your bond remained in the after life, if it existed.

But you and Ten knew the truth. You came to an agreement: you wanted to protect Lucas and Ten wanted you.

Your ladies’ maids led you to the entrance of the cathedral where Ten and the most elite of the kingdom awaited your entrance. You stood in front of the grand double-doors. You were to walk alone down the imposing aisle to meet your fate.

The doors opened and all eyes were on you. A few people gasped. You were a sight to behold and everyone knew it.

And for a moment, you let yourself imagine that Lucas was waiting for you at the end of the aisle. Looking the most lethal he ever has in a tuxedo with his hair slicked back. His smile beaming bright and his eyes crinkling like they always did when he was with you.

Your heart ached, thinking of what could’ve been. It was a good thing Lucas and Princess Rosé couldn’t attend the wedding or else you weren’t sure you could make yourself walk down that aisle.

You looked down the aisle towards Ten whose smile was bigger than you’d ever seen it. He was radiant in this three-piece suit, looking so impeccable and dashing. He had never been so happy than he was at this moment. His biggest dream was finally coming true. You would be all his. His eyes never left you.

You moved gracefully as the string quartet played you in. You kept your eyes straight and concentrated on maintaining your posture. You felt the whispers and gasps as you passed. You could even feel the daggers your future mother-in-law’s eyes shot at you. You pushed it all out of your mind.  You couldn’t afford to fall.

You didn’t want to humiliate yourself. And your family wouldn’t be able to stomach it either. The last person you wanted to give that satisfaction to was Queen Lee. You hoped the marriage and your new title would force her to grant you some respect.

Once you reached the end of the aisle, Ten whispered in your ear. “You are the most stunning creature, my darling.”

You looked Ten dead in the eye, truly looking at him for the first time today. Your heart ached for how you were feeling. You loved Ten. It wasn’t like it would be a loveless marriage. He was your best friend. He was elegant and gorgeous. He would always be there for you. So even if Lucas lingered in your thoughts, you had to let him go and open your heart to Ten.

“Th-Thank you, Your Majesty. You look incredible,” you replied.

He chuckled at hearing you address him so formally. He always insisted you just call him Ten even after his coronation. You broke a deal when you told him you would address him informally behind closed doors. He accepted because he wanted to spend a lot of time with you behind closed doors.

“All eyes are on you, my sweet,” he moved closer to your ear. “You smell intoxicating. This ceremony better move quickly because my patience is wearing thin. And you know what happens when my patience runs thin.”

The minister opened his scripture and began. “Dearly beloved of the Kingdom of Hearts, we are gathered here today to join this king and this princess in holy matrimony.”

He continued. “Now we will begin the exchange of vows. Your Majesty, you may go first.”

Ten sighed dreamily as he looked at you. “Princess y/n, I’ve loved you for such a long time. When we first met, I thought you were spying on me outside of the schoolyard. I had no idea we would reach this moment years later.”

The crowd cooed and laughed at his tale. Your heart almost stopped at his lack of mentioning Lucas for he was a crucial part of the story. Did he have to write Lucas out of the narrative like that? You couldn’t let your frustration show on your face. This was a happy occasion, you reminded yourself for the umpteenth time.

“Sweetheart, you have been my confidante and my best friend in the world. You have given me so much joy and motivation to be the best man I can be and now the best leader I can be to this country. I’m honored to have you as my queen. I adore you. I will love you for all of my days and be loyal to you. Only. You.”

The minister said, “Thank you, Your Majesty. Your Highness, you may begin.”

You nodded, knowing you could not falter with your speech. You were thankful to Ten for his kind words. He truly loved you. You began. “Your Majesty, you have always felt like home to me. You and Lucas…”

You didn’t realize your slip of the tongue and to refer to Lucas so casually...That wasn’t good. Ten’s dazzling smile faltered for a moment but he didn’t let it slip completely.

You took a quick pause and continued. “You and our dearest friends have made my life so much more wonderful. I have never felt alone because of you. You have been my partner in crime and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else but you. I love you so much, darling. I will be devoted to you until my last breath.”

A tear escaped your eye. You were a mix of emotions. Joy at marrying your best friend and sadness over the absence of Lucas.

Ten reached over and wiped your tear away. “My darling y/n…”

“Thank you, Princess y/n,” the minister continued. “Your Majesty, do you take Princess y/n to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

Ten smiled fondly at you. “I do.”

“And do you, Your Highness, take King Ten to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

You forced yourself to give the brightest smile you could muster. “I do.”

“I now pronounce you King and Queen of Hearts. You may kiss the bride.”

The crowd rejoiced as Ten moved closer to you, held your face with both of his hands, and pulled you in for a tender kiss. As you leaned back, your veil almost fell over. You returned his kiss, recalling all of the euphoric moments you and Ten have spent together. You pushed Lucas to the back of your mind for both his and your sake. So Ten wouldn’t grow suspicious. You didn’t want to spoil this day. This moment. Ten was doing you a huge favor. And you needed to play your role to perfection: as a loving and devoted Queen to her King.

————

On the eve of your honeymoon, You and Ten arrive at his vacation home at the beach where you will spend a week with him. You were in a simpler yellow sundress that went down to your knees. The sight of your legs nearly sent Ten in a frenzy. He was in casual clothes as well, his shirt unbuttoned three buttons down. A flame ignited inside of you at the sight of him so relaxed.

Oh, dearest Ten, you loved him so much, you reminded yourself. And he loved you with a depth you could never fathom.

Ten sent the servants away for the evening so that you two could be alone at the estate. He carried you up the staircase and you giggled.

“You finally relaxed,” Ten said, his voice light and free.

“You better not drop me.” You laughed. “Or did you not train enough with the royal commanding army?”

Ten faked shock. “How dare you defy your king, Your Majesty?”

You could not believe your ears at what he just called you. It was a reminder of the choice you’ve made. That you could never go back on. You pushed that thought away. “I think your queen can take some liberties, can’t she?”

Ten reached the top of the staircase and ran into your chambers. It had the finest fabrics and pieces of furniture that were merely there for decoration. The ceilings ran high. The open windows brought in the ocean breeze and the crashing of the waves. You ran out to the balcony and looked out to the beach. The moon hung low in the sky, a bright yellow that matched your dress. You haven’t been to the beach in years because of school, etiquette classes, balls, and more. The last time you escaped to the beach was when you, Ten, and Lucas ran away from home and had your own little celebration after classes ended the year you three met.

Ten wrapped his arms around you from behind. “I get to spend the rest of my life with the most enchanting woman in the world.”

Your face heats up at his words. He was being incredibly gentle and caring.

“How will I restrain myself now?” He says quietly into your ear, making your legs weak.

Or so you thought.

“Ten-”

His fingers crept down to your heat as he kissed your neck. “I hope you’re ready, y/n, because I don’t intend to let you go.”

He spun you around and kissed you, causing your back to bend and lean against the balcony. If you and Ten weren’t careful, you both could fall over. You returned his kiss and pushed him back into the bedroom.

“What?” He laughed. “You thought I would let you fall? How little faith you have in me, wife.”

You embraced him and abruptly rubbed your hand against his bulge. He hissed as he pulled his pants down. His cock sprung up. You bent down to the floor.

Ten stopped you. “Get up, darling. You will kneel on the bed. A queen does not kneel on the floor. Especially not mine.”

He helped you up from the plush carpet and brought you onto the bed. He stood up on the bed, waiting for you to please him.

You decided to be playful. “You’re so considerate, dear. I should prepare you a plate of your favorite cake. I’ll be right back.” You made a show of walking out of the room.

“Hey!” Ten started.

You giggled. Standing right outside the door of the bedchamber, you counted to ten.

“y/n, get back here this instant!” Ten whined, sounding needier and needier each second that passed.

Once you reached the number ten, you ran back in and jumped on the bed, pouncing on Ten and crashing into the soft pillows. You held Ten’s face. “I’m sorry...Was that mean?”

He pouted like a petulant schoolboy. “You will pay.” Swiftly, he pulled your skirt up and reached inside of your undergarments. His fingers tip tapped against your entrance.

“You’re soaked, sweetheart,” he said as you stood still. Ten’s touch always sent you through the roof. When he removed his fingers from your apex, you whined.

“Don’t pout. You brought this on yourself,” he said as he moved on top of you and kissed you again. He squeezed your nipples that poked against your dress. You groaned at the pleasant sensation.

Your hands grabbed his cock and started working it. Drops of precum slipped down to your fingers. You worked harder as Ten grunted against your mouth.

“I don’t know about you, y/n but I’m wide awake,” Ten said as you both finished.

You laid your head against his broad chest and felt the steady beat of his heart. “Are you now?”

Ten laughed and you could feel the rumble coming from his chest. “Do you want something to eat?”

His sweetness didn’t stop at his tender loving, you thought. But then he interrupted your thoughts.

He said, “I need you to have the stamina for the night I have planned for you.”

You got up from his chest and saw a wicked smile on his face. Knowing Ten, he was capable of going at it with you all hours of the night and the evening had only just begun.

————

[FEBRUARY 1895]

Upon returning from your honeymoon, you and Ten returned well-rested and well-fucked. Ten began his duties as King, including tying up some loose ends that his father left to him to complete and draw up revisions for the laws of the kingdom. You were to attend to visiting the townspeople and participating in social events that would elevate the kingdom’s status in the continent. As promised, Ten was providing financial support to Lucas’ family. Lucas sent you a letter of gratitude to your family’s house. You didn’t have to analyze the letter without Ten getting suspicious. He was with you a lot of the time those first few weeks.

Ten’s mother still grieved for the loss of her husband and upon seeing you, she would be cold and condescending. Regardless of the crown on your head, you were still a social-climbing wannabe to her. She still didn’t approve and you simply swallowed it. You didn’t want to drive a wedge between Ten and his mother so you silently took it.

Ten was sweeter to you than he’d ever been. Now that Lucas was out of the picture, he didn’t feel any sort of threat that would take you away from him. He could relax. He could rule his kingdom, honor his father’s legacy, and begin a perfect life with you.

For the first weeks, you and Ten made love and fell asleep in each other’s arms. You laughed and bickered like an old married couple at some points. Ten let his guard down with you, letting you know of his worries over the kingdom and whether or not he was doing a good job in his father’s stead. You gave him affirmation that he was bringing even more honor to his family and to his people.

As Ten got busier and busier with his duties, you began to see him less, which allowed you time to think of Lucas. Your heart ached. Now you both were married and your chances of ever being together have vanished. Tears fell down to the skirt of your dress.

You decided to visit your family one day. Your mother prepared your favorite tomato soup. It was a family recipe. Your mother always made it for you when you felt troubled.

“You haven’t forgotten him, y/n,” your mother said calmly as she poured herself a glass of water. You knew who she referred to.

You sighed. “How can I? I loved him, mother. I still-”

Your mother shushed you. “You’re queen now, y/n. All eyes and ears are on you. I don’t want you to land in hot water because of one thing you said on impulse. Now...how is your dear husband these days?”

You caught up with your mother about the status of the kingdom and how kind Ten had been to you these days. You had some time to explore your old chambers in your childhood estate. Your desk sat right by the large window where you could look up at the stars. You decided to write a letter to Lucas. You hadn’t heard from him since he sent the letter confirming that his family was being taken care of. You made sure the letter was addressed from your childhood home so it couldn’t get traced back to the kingdom.

Dear Lucas,

How are you? How are things in the Park Estate these days? It’s getting colder here. The first snowfall is happening any day now. I’m pretty excited. The palace finally starts preparing the hot chocolate you love so much. I wish you could be here...Anyways...Being queen hasn’t been that bad. I haven’t been suspended from my duties as of now so I’d say there is still hope for me yet. I wish you well and hope you can respond to me soon.

                                                                                Yours,                                                                                     y/n

You asked your mother to send the letter to Lucas on your behalf. She gave you a look but gave in. You thanked her, had dinner with your parents, and returned to the palace.

A week later, your mother asked you to come over so you can help her redecorate the common room. It turned out to be a cover. “A letter came for you today. From Prince Lucas,” she said as she handed the letter to you. She sat down on the couch by the lit fireplace.

Your heart soared at this news and you ran up the stairs like an excited school girl. You locked yourself in your old bedroom, sat down at your desk, and opened the letter.

Dear y/n,

I miss you so much. You have no idea. Things for me...Well, I cannot complain. My mother, her husband, and my half-brother Yangyang are living in a lap of luxury in their small town. Yangyang will be able to train in the Royal Commanding Army soon. He’s thrilled beyond belief, saying he owes it all to me...When in reality, we owe it all to you. Thank you so much for convincing Ten to help my family out. I know what you did for me. I will always be thankful. Just as I will always love you. I wish we could be together during the first snowfall. We could’ve made my caretaker take the night off and I would’ve had my way with you at my old estate. If things had been different, huh? I’ll think of you during the first snowfall here, y/n. Please stay safe. I’m so glad to hear things are going well for you. I hope you can write to me again soon. Your words mean everything and more to me.

                                                                           Yours always,                                                                                       Lucas

Your tears fell at his declaration of his eternal love for you. How you wished things had been different. You decided to keep this letter hidden in your old home so that Ten could never chance himself at finding it. God knows what he would do if he did.

————

[MARCH 1895]

A month passed since you received Lucas’ letter. You two had gone back and forth several times since then. You were overjoyed that Lucas would be attending the kingdom’s upcoming Take Over the Moon Ball to celebrate the lunar eclipse. Princess Rosé would be joining him and while that made you ache with jealousy, you remembered once again that you also were spoken for. In the most permanent manner.

The festivities of the palace extended to the rest of the kingdom. There were firecrackers being launched to the sky. Children played on the streets with life-sized papier-mache dragons. Vendors were making a killing with food, costumes, and spirits. Everyone was ecstatic to witness the lunar eclipse. You were ecstatic to see Lucas again and Ten knew it. There was a spring in your step as you kissed Ten good morning the day of the ball. You two lied in bed together. He hugged your naked body from behind as his cock was nestled inside your rear.  

“You’re in a good mood,” Ten said in a teasing manner.

“I love this time of the year,” you admitted. It was part of the truth.

“I know you do. I expect to find you passed out on the dance floor before the night is over. Just like last year.” He smirked.

You laughed. “And you? You’re bound to take your shirt off and wave it like a flag at the balcony, greeting the townspeople once again. You’ll be sure to give some people a thrill.”

“y/n, I’m king now. I’m not going to-“

“Sure, sure...Keep on believing that a title change means that you won’t get drunk out of your wits, darling,” you joked.

Ten pulled himself out of you and turned you around. The look in his eyes was so familiar to you. He hungered for you. The carnal longing for you never ceased. Your heart raced and the heat between your legs increased. He nibbled at your neck and gave you a silent nod. You knew he was about to make love to you again. At least once before you two had to get dressed for your daytime Eclipse activities.

Someone knocked at the door. Ten frowned at the interruption but today was a day packed with activities for the royals. They couldn’t shirk their duties no matter how much they wanted to indulge in their private affairs.

Ten sighed and kissed your forehead. “Tonight. When the ball ends and we send off the last guest, you’re mine.”

Hours passed and you were about to be announced into the ball. The ballroom’s floor-to-ceiling windows brought in images of the starry night and the fireworks in the sky. The skylight gave the party a good view of the moon so you could dance the night away as the eclipse occurred.

Ten stood beside you. He was dressed in his navy blue winter attire with red accents. His golden crown was at the top of his perfectly coiffed hair. You stood beside him in a satin red ball gown. Your golden crown was accented with rubies. You two matched in the kingdom’s official color: red.

“Announcing His Royal Majesty and Her Royal Majesty, King Ten and Queen y/n,” the announcer announced to the guests in the ballroom.

You and Ten stood on top of the grand staircase. He offered his arm to you and you took it. You both walked down with poise and confidence. You would always be the envy of all of the women in the kingdom. You tried not to let the glares get to you. Ten was beaming with pride and victory, presenting you as his woman, his queen, his wife. The whole world needed to know that you belonged to him and no one else.

Meanwhile, you couldn’t help but scan the room for Lucas and met his warm brown eyes that already found yours. He looked at you in fascination, his mouth agape. Right by his side was his wife, Princess Rosé. She smiled at you out of sheer politeness, never having met you before but knowing you and Lucas were once close.

You couldn’t read her well but knew enough not to focus on them for too long or else others (and Ten) would get suspicious. All eyes were always on you after all..and part of you dreaded it, especially now.

Lucas was spellbound at the sight of you. Your hair was tied up into an elegant bun. Your crown suited you, he thought. You were meant to be queen. How much it hurt him that he couldn’t be the one beside you.

When you reached the bottom of the steps, Ten led you to the center of the dancefloor to begin the first dance of the night. Ten was an excellent dancer so those in attendance were in for a treat. Ten took you into his arms and spun you around to a joyful tune as the live band played. You fancied yourself a good dancer but even you struggled to keep up with Ten’s precision at times. Your nerves caused you to step on his foot. You gasped and felt a collective hush from the crowd as they watched.

You put your hands over your mouth as you pulled away from Ten. “Your Majesty, I am so-”

Ten laughed. “It’s alright, y/n.” He laughed and looked around at the crowd who watched.  He took your hands and pulled you closer to his chest. He smiled brightly at the spectators as he whispered to you, “I’ll make you pay for it tonight,” he whispered.

You gulped and nearly stumbled once more but Ten had a steady grip on you. Lucas watched the two of you. He couldn’t be visibly upset. That would cause people to ask questions. It was no secret that he was a close friend of the happy couple but no one knew of his and Ten’s falling out. No one ever would.

Beside him, Princess Rosé said, “What a beautiful couple.”

Lucas forced his voice to sound even. “Yes, they are, Your Highness.”

She wrapped her arms around his left forearm and snuggled her head against his shoulder. “We’ll take over the Park estate soon enough and throw our own lavish party. Then, we will be front and center, my love.”

Lucas replied as kindly as he could, “I anticipate it, my dear princess.”

You knew Lucas was watching. From your peripheral vision, you could feel him watching you. You couldn’t make eye contact or else Ten would’ve noticed.

The dancing continued. You and Ten switched partners from time to time. You took a respite and drank a glass of wine. Ten was in host mode, talking to the most influential leaders in the continent, including Rosé’s father, King Park.

You were tapped on the shoulder. You turned around and Lucas smiled. “Your Majesty.” He gave a playful bow.

You snorted. Very unladylike, you noted but didn’t care. Lucas caught you drooling in your sleep when you took naps under the cherry blossom tree all of these years so he knew who you really were. A title couldn’t change a person so easily.

“Your Highness,” you said as you curtsied.

He chuckled. “This is strange.”

You laughed. “You’re telling me.”

He offered his hand to you, not wasting any time. “May I have this dance?”

The song that was playing was slow. You took Lucas’ hand and walked awkwardly past Ten’s mother. She unapologetically glared at you and was definitely looking for her son to get his reaction. She would be the first to tattle on you like you just got detention and Ten was your parent. Anything to get you kicked to the curb and shunned.

You chose to ignore it and followed Lucas to the dance floor. He held you by the waist. His large hands easily enveloped you. Making physical contact with him after months of separation nearly drove you up a wall. You had to catch your breath. You moved slowly around the dance floor. No one questioned your dance partner as it was no secret you were friends. But Ten knew better. As his colleagues discussed politics and cranked open another bottle of scotch, he watched you and Lucas like a hawk.

You two looked awfully chummy. It killed him not to know what you two were whispering about. It killed him to see you smile at Lucas the way you smiled at him. It was the same look of adoration you gave him...Except he knew it was a more intense adoration. Ten knew that if he looked deeply into your eyes that he would find something more. He knew a part of you still loved Lucas.

What did he expect? For you to completely forget Lucas? Ten would’ve been a fool to believe that to be true. But these kinds of occasions where the Park family was invited were inevitable so he had to come to terms with that fact that you and Lucas would meet again.

It’s not like Lucas could do anything now, Ten reassured himself. You were his queen now. You would never betray him. Ten relaxed himself and laughed at one of King Park’s jokes.

Lucas spun you and pulled you close, “I missed you.”

You replied quietly, “I missed you.”

Lucas sighed. “You’re beautiful.”

Your face grew hotter. “So are you.”

Lucas chuckled. “I’m happy we can have this moment. No matter how brief it is.”

“Me, too. I wish the Park Estate wasn’t so far away.”

“It’s not that far,” Lucas mused.

You tilted your head in confusion. “Really?”

“I timed my last train ride. It’s about five hours away if the conductor has had a full night’s rest.”

“Five hours, huh? Just like that?”

He winked. “Just like that.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re still a pain, I see.”

“And you’re still killing me,” he said, his voice huskier.

Your face had inched closer to his as the song continued. You shook yourself out of your bubble. “How angry does Ten look?” You panicked, forcing yourself to look. You were shocked to find him laughing and having as good of a time as anyone else at the ball. You eased up and exhaled.

“He looks plenty merry to me,” Lucas replied and realized. “What about Princess Rosé?” To your shock, Rosé was dancing with her ex-boyfriend Chanyeol. Everyone thought she would marry Lord Chanyeol but she broke it off when he admitted that he wanted to become a man of the cloth.

You and Lucas looked at each other and laughed.

“Why are we so worried?” You wondered aloud. “Everyone is having a great time and so should we.”

Lucas nodded. “Absolutely.”

You and Lucas retreat from the dance floor and eat together. He tells you about his new life at the Park Estate. He is in training to become their next king. He drank considerably as the night went on. Lucas wasn’t trained to be a diplomat or a lawmaker so it was a huge adjustment for him. His passions were in weaponry and hunting. When Lucas still lived in the kingdom, he trained to be a commander in the royal army. Now, he was preoccupied with reading and attended meetings with King Park. Whenever he wasn’t doing either of those things, he would accompany Rosé on trips and parties.

“It’s a lot different from training to be a commander, I have to say,” Lucas said as he frowned. “I’m glad I was able to bring Hazel with me, though.”

Hazel was Lucas’ trusty steed. You were happy that Ten’s mother hadn’t taken that away from him at least. Lucas treasured horseback riding. It gave him a sense of freedom and exhilaration. It was a piece of home he could always keep with him.

“I miss her. Would it be okay if I came to visit sometime? I would love to visit her,” you said as you took a bite of chocolate cake. You and Lucas had many adventures. You and Lucas would take Hazel on trips to the fields and to the waterfalls in the spring. Hazel trusted no other human besides Lucas and you.

“Just her, huh?” He gave you a knowing look.

You laughed as you sipped your glass of water. “I might as well catch up with the future King of the Park Estate. I can give you some pointers. Ten tells me a lot about the goings on in the kingdom.”

Lucas’ tone shifted abruptly. “I’m sure he does…” He’d hoped you wouldn’t mention him again. You’d certainly done a good job to omit Ten from your letters to him, Lucas thought. Why bring Ten up now?

You cleared your throat. “We don’t have to talk about Ten...I’m sorry.” You could see the distant look on Lucas’ face at the mention of Ten’s name. You didn’t want to hurt him even more.

Lucas smiled sadly as he raised your chin. “Chin up, y/n, you’re allowed to talk about your husband.”

The abrupt physical contact startled you. You looked around to see if anyone noticed. A couple of people did. Your eyes scanned the area for Ten’s mother, your biggest supporter.

“Lucas…” You started.

Lucas averted his eyes. “I’m sorry...I believe my liquid courage may have gotten the best of me, my dearest y/n.”

You sighed. “You can’t just touch me whenever you feel like it..You could get in trouble.” You didn’t mind the physical contact, actually. In fact, you craved it. But too many eyes were on you and you didn’t want any trouble. Ten’s mother would certainly give you an earful at your next obligatory tea time.

Your heart was moving a mile a minute, though. You thought you did enough to keep it from showing on your face. But Lucas made it so difficult.

Lucas took your hand from under the table. “Now no one can see. Is this okay?”

As much as you wanted to go back into a bubble with Lucas, you resisted. You felt him squeeze your hand. Your first instinct was to pull away but Lucas wouldn’t let go. “Please let go. We can’t.”

“Why not?” Lucas demanded. “We are childhood friends. There is nothing wrong with this. Why should we have to hide our bond?”

You quickly swiped your hand away. “You know damn well why. Get a cup of sobering tea. Your character is unbecoming of a prince.” You walked away from Lucas.

He got up and grabbed your arm. “y/n…”

“I believe my wife is correct, Prince Lucas.”

You and Lucas froze in your tracks.

Ten’s voice sounded so neutral. It was deceiving. Any man who touched his wife was in for a beating. No matter the title he held. He walked up to you two and pulled Lucas’ hand away, which went limp against his side.

“Your Majesty, my sincerest apologies, I-“ Lucas began.

Ten replied with the same smile he gave to his other friends and peers. “Go tend to your wife. I will take care of mine.”

Lucas’ fear definitely sobered him up. He bowed as a sign of respect and scurried off to find Princess Rosé.

“Ten, I-“

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said with the same smile on his face. He returned to his group and acted like nothing was wrong. But you knew better.

You knew that this was bad. Astronomically bad.

————

[APRIL 1895]

Days pass and Ten has not returned to your bedchamber that you shared with him. He never gave you the chance to explain. To explain that nothing happened and that Lucas was the one who held your hand. You worried that Ten would deem you unfaithful. You pined for Lucas and you would tell him you loved him in your letters but that was for no one else to know. The act of infidelity was not for you. No matter how much you longed for Lucas. You couldn’t betray Ten. He was upset but according to everyone else, he immersed himself into his duties.

Lucas sent you a letter a day in the past week. You scanned them quickly. They were full of apologies and sweet nothings. Part of you was furious at Lucas for being so unabashedly stupid and reckless. Part of you yearned for him even more. However, because you were already in hot water with Ten, you left Lucas’ letters unanswered.

When you saw Ten at public events in which you two appeared as a couple, he kept that same cold friendly smile on his face when he was around you. He would hold your hand and kiss your cheek. At first, you were stiff and confused as to how he was acting but soon, to save face, you also followed his lead of insincerity. You two would leave in separate carriages as he had other engagements to attend to.

After a week, you two finished dinner with the head commander and his wife. For the first time since the incident, you both rode home together. On the carriage ride back to the palace, you rode in silence.

“Ten,” you started meekly.

Ten did not reply as he stared out the window.

“Ten,” you snapped.

He whipped his head towards you with that same condescending smile. “Yes, dearest?”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t give me that. We’re alone now. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Ten chuckled. “That’s rich, coming from you. Asking me what’s wrong like you have any right to be upset.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “Ten, I told you that Lucas and I-”

He moved closer to you and grabbed you by the arm. “Don’t you dare bring up that bastard’s name. The next time you let that name slip from your lips-”

“What, then?” You demanded. “Tell me.”

Ten’s smile faded. “You don’t want to go there, y/n. You seem to have forgotten every single thing I’ve done for you since the minute you said yes to me. You’ve become ungrateful and insolent…”

You tried pulling away but Ten wouldn’t budge. He kissed you, forcibly entering your mouth with his tongue. Between kisses, he said, “You. Are. Mine.”

You pulled away with all of the strength you had and looked him in the eyes. “Ten, nothing happened. I swear to you. I love you. Only you.” You were willing to say anything for him to soften his grasp, soften his expression. He couldn’t kiss you or touch you when he was like this. In the bedroom, he was scary enough when he wasn’t mad at you.

Tears ran down your cheeks and something inside Ten made him relax. He realized he may have taken things too far with you. Lucas was to blame for all of this. Ten’s mother should’ve married him off to a princess in another continent so you two would never see each other again.

Ten sighed. “What happened at the ball, y/n?” He let you go quickly and helped you flatten your dress.

You began, “We danced. We ate and caught up with each other. He was acting like nothing had changed. He’s always been very affectionate. You know this more than anyone.”

Ten glared at the floor of the carriage. “Sure.”

“He held my hand,” you said. “That was all. He wanted to act like nothing changed between us.”

Ten raised his eyebrows. “And what do you mean by ‘nothing changed between you two’?”

He was baiting you. He suspected the worst of you: that you would cheat on him in marriage. After the vow you swore to one another?

You sighed. “Our friendship. I’m queen and he can’t exactly give me bear hugs like he used to.”

Still a little wary, Ten nodded.

You continued, “Things are different now. He’s married and...you and me are married,” you said as you held his hand. “I love you, Ten.”

Ten softened at hearing those three words again. The sound of his name that came off of the prettiest lips. He caressed you and embraced you. “I’m sorry, my love. I was too harsh on you.”

You cried softly. He definitely had been. You hugged him back. You were relieved that he was no longer angry. You hoped things would return to normal now.

When you returned to your chambers to retire for the night, you wanted to surprise Ten with your newest set of undergarments that came in from the country of Soleil. This was in anticipation of making up with him at some point and now you couldn’t think about anything else other than pleasing your husband. Ten returned from the restroom to find you lying against the headboard of your massive bed. Your brassiere barely held up your breasts. You may as well have not been wearing one. Your panties hugged your bottom tightly.

“My king,” you said slowly, looking at Ten from under your eyelashes.

Ten was in his wine red robe and nothing else on, which was his usual bedroom attire. He was shocked to see you so bold. Seeing you take the initiative should’ve sent his cock up.

But it laid there. Limp.

You looked down at his nether region and made the same observation. You shot Ten a look of confusion. Perhaps the week apart really threw you both off of your game. But you continued. You got off of the bed and walked slowly over to him. Ten’s mouth dropped at the sight of you. You looked so...appetizing.

His cock seemed to disagree and he started to panic, which he knew would make things worse. He tried to distract you by meeting you halfway. He wrapped his arms around you and put his hands on your ass. “You want to play with me, don’t you?”

“Well, I’ve been quite bored and lonely in this bed all by myself, Your Majesty…” You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his collarbone.

Ten hissed as you grabbed his cock, which to your surprise was still not springing up. You looked up at Ten with big eyes, making him blush a bright red.

As you moved your hand up and down his cock, nothing happened.

Ten tried to distract you as he pleased you. He inserted two fingers into your panties and fingered around your flower. He was hoping his magical fingers could render you silly and distract you. However, you were already upset. Even worse, you weren’t soaked.

Ten picked you up bridal style and tried to spin how this night would transpire. He laid you on the bed. “Can you be a good girl for me? In fact, you still owe me for stepping on my foot at the ball,” he said as he gave you a knockout smile.

You wanted to be the one who pleased him. To have him writhe under you and make you plead for mercy. You shook your head. You knew something was wrong and he was trying to hide it.

“I wanted to be in charge tonight, Your Majesty, but I guess things just aren’t looking up,” you said as you put your own robe on and moved to your side of the bed. As Ten begged you to change your mind, you ignored him and silently cried yourself to sleep.

You couldn’t understand. The mere sound of his name off of your lips usually got him hard. Sometimes to the point that it distracted you from your daily activities together. So what went wrong? What could you have done differently? Were you at fault?

You’ve never felt so small.

————

You woke up the next day to find Ten already left for the day. He left you a glass of water with a note.

My darling y/n,

I am so sorry. I’m not quite sure what happened. I will be seeing a specialist to see if there’s any issue. Darling, this is all on me. I love you and will see you soon. Please don’t be sad. My queen deserves happiness forevermore.

                                                                            Yours Eternally,

                                                                                           Ten

You rolled your eyes at reading his note but in the back of your mind, you wondered if there could be some underlying medical condition he could’ve developed. You thought of his father and now you began to worry.

Perhaps you had been too mean.

You spent time in the library researching King Lee’s ailments that caused his early passing but could find nothing that tied to Ten’s erectile dysfunction. Then, you read up on erectile dysfunction and wondered if Ten had been dealing with too much stress. You would have the kitchen prepare him some tea to help him sleep earlier. He needed more rest. Even now, you still had no idea what emotional and mental tolls Ten’s father’s death had taken on him.

You retreated back to your quarters for lunch. As you walked past the kitchen area, you heard giggles and sighs. You caught a peek inside of the room and saw the maids sharing a smoke.

“He is the most beautiful man.” One of them laughed.

“Oh, please, His Majesty has nothing on Prince Lucas. It’s such a shame he lives so far away now…” Another maid added.

“How naive you are. I don’t think the prince has the same stamina as His Royal Majesty does,” a third maid with the most condescending tone added. She laughed mockingly at the second maid. “I mean, ask Jade.”

The maids didn’t see you and you were thankful that stealth was one of your hidden attributes. The nerve of these maids. You could’ve easily walked in and fired them all but you weren’t Ten. You were more lenient with the help. When someone didn’t fold his clothes the right way, Ten would be on the verge of dismissing them. You always had to talk him down from making that mistake. On the other hand, you tried to give the servants the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe not today, though.

Who the hell was Jade?

“Jade is a trollop who lacks the brain cells to keep her mouth shut,” the first maid said, “And I’m not just talking about spewing her secrets.”

That caused all of the maids to cackle like witches.

These maids had no idea what they were talking about. How dare they talk about Ten in such a lewd manner? And who the hell was Jade?

The name sounded familiar. You believe she worked near the stables.

“Jade should be careful. Any day now that simpleton queen will catch them in the act and there’s no telling what will happen to her,” the third maid said as she blew out a puff of smoke.

“She better hope that day isn’t today. Jade seemed pretty excited to return to the stables after lunch,” the second maid added.

You gaped at that last sentence and ran off. The maids could hear the sound of footsteps fading and their smoke break did nothing to alleviate their worries now.

You made your way to the stables with a few attendants at your side. You instructed them to wait for you outside as you wanted to greet the horses. According to them, the horse handlers and stable workers were on break.

You walked into the stable and pet the horses, feeding them carrots and sugar cubes. They reminded you of Hazel and in turn, Hazel reminded you of Lucas.

A woman’s giggle broke you out of your thoughts as you heard some noise in the back right corner of the stables. The giggle came from an empty stable as the door was left open. You moved slowly down to the end so as not to be detected. When you got closer, that was when you could hear the moans, the slapping of skin, and the sloppy kisses.

“Are you enjoying this, Your Majesty?” You heard a woman ask. Her voice is low and seductive and most of all, very irritating.

You stood there frozen in your tracks. Perhaps this woman and her partner were into using nicknames in their foreplay, you thought. Maybe you were wrong to suspect the worst. Maybe there was a visiting king? But in the stables with a mystery woman?

But then you heard his moans.

“You are serving your master well, Jade. Your family will be provided handsomely for your commendable service to your king,” he said.

It was Ten. And in the shadows, you recognized the outline of his dick. The image of his dick was embedded in your brain. How could it not be when Ten’s thirst was never satisfied?

You caught a peek of the couple and saw Ten completely naked and the maid Jade down to her undergarments. She was riding his dick like her life depended on it. Speaking of your husband’s endowment, it didn’t seem like anything was wrong now.

What a cruel joke. You laughed to yourself. Loud enough for the pair to jump.

“y/n!” Ten looked stunned for the first time in his life. He hadn’t looked this stunned since the news of his father’s passing.

“Hello, darling,” you began, “And this must be the commendable Jade.”

Jade’s satiated smile quickly vanished at the sight of you. She quickly covered herself with the first piece of fabric she could find. And it was one of Ten's robes. The nerve of this underling, you thought. How dare she grab onto your husband’s clothes as if she was entitled to them?

You had the mind to send her to the dungeon. You could finally see the appeal behind dungeons. Ten always wanted to sentence the help to the dungeons for little inconveniences and you always had to be the one to talk him down. But now...you finally had a good reason to put a servant away.

“Now’s not the time to be modest, Jade,” you said as you wrapped your arms around your chest. You walked up to her and placed your heel against her chest. She breathed heavily against your shoe. “I should thank you. And here I thought my husband was falling ill...I was so concerned. But now thanks to you, I know that he is a lecherous and treacherous fiend.”

Jade shrunk. This was so unlike the big mouthed and presumptuous slag you were expecting.

“Cat got your tongue?” You asked sweetly. “Speak up. You do enough of it that thanks to a handful of maids, I could be here with you two today.”

“y/n,” Ten begged as he grabbed your left leg. “Please-”

“Get your dirty hands off of me, husband.” You spat the last word with as much venom as you could muster. You kicked his arms away.

You got your foot off Jade's chest and turned to Ten. You put your heel very near to his nether region. You had the nerve to stomp on it and ruin his chances of producing an heir. Jade grabbed her clothes and scurried away.

“That’s right, vermin. Scurry off to your station,” you said with a fake smile and a fake lilt to your voice. When you turned back to your still naked husband, your voice turned to stone.

“So this is who you ran to when you gave me the cold shoulder the past week, huh? How insulting,” you spat. “You should’ve hid your tracks better. Far be it from me to let you two have your little midday delights.”

Ten breathed heavily from his passionate lovemaking and now because of the murderous look in your eyes. “y/n, darling...I am so sorry. I was upset…”

You raised your eyebrows. “You expect me to believe that this little affair is new? Don’t make me laugh.”

You got your foot off of his crotch and helped him up. You pushed him against the wall of the stables, stunning the rest of the horses. They neighed and jumped in their stables.

“Lucas held my hand because that’s the kind of shit close friends do but since your insecure little ass couldn’t take it, you sent him away. Right? Don’t tell me that that was all your mummy’s doing.”

Ten was about to snap back but you interrupted him, not giving him a chance to spin this on you.

“What will you do?” You asked.

Ten asked, “What-”

“What will you do when that harlot ends up pregnant with your baby? Will you make the child suffer just like your father did Lucas-”

Ten slapped you, unable to control his anger any longer. “How dare you dishonor my father and bring up that bastard…”

You clutch onto your cheek, shocked that he would ever lay a hand on you. After everything he’s done...And he wanted to spin this on you? For speaking out of turn?

A good queen would swallow her pride and forgive her husband. For they were bound together until death did them part. A reasonable woman, on the other hand, would destroy him. Unfortunately, you fell somewhere in between these two identities.

You finished as hot tears ran down your face. “How dare you do this to me? You said that I was all that you ever wanted. I guess you’ll say anything to get anyone into bed. What a fool I’ve been.” You kicked him in the shins and ran off.

“y/n!” He yelled out in physical and emotional pain.

You returned to your parents’ home and spent the rest of the day with them. You weeped near to the point of hysterics in your bed. You have never felt so humiliated. And at the hands of the man who was supposed to treasure you with each breath he took.

Ten knew you were back at your old home and didn’t come to see you. You thought it was a smart choice on his part because had he come see you, you would’ve contemplated the subject of genital mutilation.

Your mother brought you a bowl of fruit and you savored each bite. Ten was repulsed by fruit so if you ever ate it, he would know and it would irritate him greatly. Well, you did a little more than irritate him today. And you didn’t give a damn. You weren’t returning to the palace for as long as you could help it so bring on the fruit, you said.

Ten especially hated strawberries. You indulged on all of the strawberries in the bowl, enjoying it more now since Ten wasn’t around to protest. The things you had to sacrifice to be with him...The strawberries weren’t even the tip of the iceberg.

You told your parents everything. Your father had the nerve to go to the castle and give Ten a beating, royal status be damned. You told them to stand down because they didn’t deserve to get entangled in this mess. They welcomed you back home for at least a few days but insisted you would have to make amends with Ten. Your marriage was until death did you part, after all.

This marital construct was starting to sound more and more like bullshit with each passing day.

Your mother handed you a letter. “He sent you another letter. Shall I throw it away?”

You sighed. “No, it’s alright.”

Your mother gave you a warning look. You nodded, knowing what she said without hearing the words. She left you in your room.

You got up from bed and sat down at your desk. You opened the letter.

Dear y/n,

I know it’s pointless to make excuses but I want you to know that I am genuinely sorry. Under the facade of friendship, I was jealous. That man has the one thing I want. The one thing I need. The one thing I crave. And I can’t have her. I missed you so much and seeing you in that red dress, I was very near to my undoing. I love you, y/n. I always will but I know it is too late for us. I will let you go. For your sake. 

I’m in my mother’s hometown of Wanderlust for the next two weeks. Princess Rosé is away as one of her closest friends will be wed in the Western continent. If you would like to meet once more, I would like that very much.

                                                                              Yours Always,

                                                                                         Lucas

Lucas visited Wanderlust under the pretense of hunting and to take a respite in nature. The Park estate was aware of his whereabouts. They believed him to be staying with a humble host family. They assumed Lucas did it to know what it was like to be among commoners. To help gain their family a new perspective. When in reality the family of commoners were his real family.

Your anger at Lucas faded in the past few days but you couldn’t bring yourself to respond to any of his letters. Until now.

You got your travel bag prepared and told your mother you were traveling to the family cabin in Flame, a town quite close to Wanderlust. Your mother noted the shift in your mood. The restored determination in your eyes. Something in that letter made you want to go to Flame...or somewhere near it.

“Mother, if Ten comes for me, tell him I have retired to our cabin in Flame. I will return in three days.” You prayed he wouldn’t come and find you.

Lucas called to you and it was time for you to stop shoving these feelings aside. If only for a moment.

In the evening, you arrived via train to Flame and settled into your family’s cabin. The next day, you took one of the ranch hand’s horses, Mint, to arrive in the next town of Wanderlust.

You forgot how liberating it felt to ride on a horse. Lucas typically sat at the front of the saddle when you two rode on his horse Hazel. Now you rode on Mint on your own. You felt so liberated and light. The feel of the wind whipping against your face. The quick beating of your heart. The stomping of the hooves against the dirt. You envisioned yourself on an epic journey, as a heroine on her way to save an endangered village. You liked to play pretend when you were a little girl but as a teenager, it was Lucas who would entertain your imagination. He would act as your second-in-command on your horseback adventures.

He was endearing that way. You couldn’t wait to see him again. You followed Lucas’ instructions that he attached to the letter in order to find his family home.

You saw a house in the distance with a large wisteria tree. The purple and blue flowers dangled from the branches. It was a magnificent tree. Your eyes moved downward to the trunk where you found Lucas sitting with his nose in a book again

Hearing the horse coming in the distance, Lucas got up from the tree, dropping his book to the ground in shock.

You were a vision. You couldn’t possibly be here. He was dreaming. He must have fallen asleep reading the history of the Park Estate again.

You pulled the reins on Mint and you stopped a few feet before him.

“Hello there,” you said, acting like a gallant gentleman picking up his lady.

Realizing you weren’t a figment of his imagination, Lucas laughed. “You look ridiculous.” He said it so fondly. So intimately that you knew he was messing with you.

He was right, though. You reached your hand up to your hair to find it tangled from the wind. Horseback riding always looked more impressive when other people did it, you guessed. You just weren’t blessed with a wind-resistant mane.

You were about to hop down from Mint but Lucas helped you, grabbing you by the waist and turning you around to face him. You jumped into his arms and he pulled you in for a hug. He spun you around in circles.  

“You came,” he said, smiling and humming against your hair.

You nodded, shy. “I did.”

“Lucas, it’s time for lunch!” A third voice piped in.

You and Lucas nearly jumped out of your skin. He quickly put you down and you fixed your hair the best you could.

A young man appeared before you both. He eyed you and then he quickly bowed. “You must be the incomparable Queen y/n.”

You gasped. “How does he-”

“y/n, this is my younger brother, Yangyang,” Lucas said as he wrapped an arm around his brother.

“You were holding out on me, Lucas,” Yangyang addressed Lucas so casually. “She’s gorgeous. If you weren’t spoken for, Your Majesty, I would’ve stolen you from both the king and my brother.”

You laughed. “I believe that, Yangyang. You are definitely the cuter sibling.”

Lucas pouted. “You don’t mean that.”

You got up on your tiptoes and ruffled Lucas’ hair. “Maybe not.”

Yangyang rolled his eyes. “Your Majesty, would you do us the honor of joining us for lunch since my ignorant older brother has not done so already?”

You fought back a laugh as Lucas was about to protest. “I would love to.”

You joined Yangyang and Lucas inside their country home. You were happy to see that Lucas’ family lived in a nice and safe house. It was lovely and warm. There were family photos on the wall and paintings as well. There were well-tended plants all over the common room. A fire was lit at the fireplace.

Yangyang led you both into the kitchen. Lucas called out, “Mother!”

“Yes, dear?” You heard a woman call out. She was cutting some vegetables as she cooked some stew.

You entered the kitchen. Lucas continued, “I have someone I want you to meet.”

Lucas’ mother turned around and gasped. “Y-your Majesty!”

The last reaction you expected from Lucas’ mother was shock but then you remembered you were Queen. You coughed out, “H-hello, ma’am.”

Lucas’ mother was gorgeous. You can see where Lucas got his warm smile and his magnetic brown eyes. Her long black hair ran down her back and it was tied back with a baby blue ribbon. “It is an honor to meet you. We welcome you into our home. May I offer you a cup of tea?”

You nodded, smiling. “The honor is all mine. I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time. And yes, some tea would be great.”

She grinned. “Please take a seat.” She offered you a seat at the dining room table beside the kitchen. “Had I known you were coming, I would’ve cleaned up.”

You, Lucas, and Yangyang looked around the house. It was spotless.

“Mother-” Yangyang started, about to say something sarcastic, surely.

Their mother shushed Yangyang. She turned to her much taller son. “You could’ve given me some notice, Lucas.”

“Actually, this was a surprise visit. Completely my fault. I hope I’m not disturbing,” you said, feeling bad. You didn’t realize how much of an imposition you were being to Lucas and his family. “I won’t be long-”

Lucas interrupted as he took your hand, pleading. “No, don’t go.”

Yangyang snickered and their mother laughed with her hand over her mouth. “Your Majesty, you can stay for as long as you’d like.”

“Th-thank you, ma’am...I would appreciate it if you guys called me y/n when we’re alone…”

Yangyang replied, “You’re kidding.”

You shook your head. “I am not.”

Lucas added, “She’s queen. We have to do what she says.”

You all laughed as you helped their mother prepare lunch. No one wanted you to lift a finger so you used the queen card again. You were allowed to make fresh orange juice. It’d been so long since you’ve been allowed to do something for yourself without a servant. It felt good.

Lucas stole glances from you as you worked in the kitchen. Your heart raced faster each time.

You all sat down for lunch. Lucas’ stepfather, aka Yangyang’s father, came in and greeted you and was brought up to speed on your visit. The five of you sat down for lunch. The stew was delicious. It rivaled your mother’s tomato soup. You wished you could have an endless supply of this stew…

For when you had to go back.

As crazy as it sounded, it pained for you to go back to the palace. In a matter of hours, you felt more at home in Lucas’ family home than you had at the palace.

You wondered just how different things would’ve been had you, Lucas, and Ten never been royals. The pressure would’ve been off. Ten wouldn’t have thrown his power in your face. Lucas wouldn’t have had to leave. Maybe you and Lucas would have run off and moved to a place like this.

And be happy together.

Lucas noticed that you grew silent at the table.

He offered to put his hand over yours. You nodded. He knew better than ever that consent was necessary.

Lucas’ mother and stepfather eyed each other. Yangyang blew a loose strand of hair off of his forehead. “You two couldn’t be more obvious.”

You and Lucas nearly jumped out of your seats.

Lucas’ mother asked carefully, “y/n, are you alright? Did something happen at the palace for you to come visit?”

Lucas frowned as he saw the wave of dread that fell over your face.

“Uh…” You hesitated.

“Mother, wait…” Lucas started.

Lucas’ mother apologized, “I am so sorry, Your-I mean, y/n...I spoke out of turn.”

You shook your head. “It’s fine. I would just prefer to not discuss it. As far as His Royal Majesty is concerned, he has been informed that I took a respite in my family’s cabin in Flame. Not too far from here.”

Lucas could tell something was wrong. And he knew it was Ten’s fault. That son of a bitch, he thought.

You and Lucas’ family continued eating and the mood hadn’t been destroyed. You recounted tales of Lucas’ youth to his family and they were all laughing so hard. Lucas’ mother nearly teared up a few times as she had missed so much for the sake of her son’s future. After her many protests, Lucas’ mother begrudgingly let you help clean up the table. Yangyang and his father retired to get some firewood to roast some marshmallows later. You joined Lucas in the backyard where a stream flowed.

“Hi,” you said as Lucas watched the water.

“You alright?” He asked, focused solely on you now.

You nodded. “Yeah, I feel so much better.”

He patted the grass beside him so you would join him. “I told myself I wouldn’t pry but...what happened?”

You sighed. “Well, after the ball, Ten did a little more than give me the cold shoulder for a week.”

Lucas turned right around and looked at you. “What…”

“He’s been sleeping with the help. Some harlot named Jade who works in the stables,” you said as you picked at the grass with your fingers.

Lucas shot up from his seat on the grass. “I’ll kill him. Don’t know how but I’ll kill him. Let’s go right now-”

You stood up and looked up at him, yearning for eye contact to ease his stress. “No, Lucas. I don’t want to see him. I came here to get away from him but more importantly, I wanted to see you.”

Lucas met your gaze and cupped your face in his hands. “I hate to see you in pain. You don’t deserve this. He was supposed to take care of you. Only you. That insufferable troll.”

You caressed your face against his hands, enjoying the warmth that radiated off of them. “I suppose he thought you and I…”

Lucas’ eyes widened. “It’s because of me…” He had no idea just how much of a mess he’d made.

You shook your head. Ten was blowing things out of proportions, like he always did. “He was always jealous of the connection we shared.”

Lucas let go of your face and held your hand. “I don’t blame him. Before I got married, I was jealous of every moment between you and him.”

A little embarrassed at his confession, you added, “You definitely hid it better than Ten did.”

Lucas shook his head. “There was going to be a point where the three of us wouldn’t be friends anymore. Because of our feelings for you. And now that I know the truth about my real father, it’s worse.”

You squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry. Queen Lee was always so harsh with you, too.”

“I always wondered why that crone hated me so much. It’s nice to finally know the truth, at least.”

Lucas’ existence was a reminder to Ten’s mother that her husband had been unfaithful. She carried so much bitterness in her heart. After seeing the stunt Ten pulled, you could finally understand her more.

It didn’t mean her any less of an intolerable crone but you understood where all of the resentment came from.

And it made you wonder if Ten had committed more than one indiscretion. With more than one partner. You grew tense just thinking of what awaited you when you returned to the palace. How you wished you didn’t have to go back.  

Lucas continued, “I’m so sorry, y/n. I didn’t want to trouble you. It was the last thing I wanted.”

You sighed and smiled at him. “Ten didn’t make it any better so don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Lucas sighed. “I would talk to him but I’m the last person he wants to hear from.”

“I...You know what, I’m not going to fight you on that. I can’t mention your name or he…”

Lucas grew concerned. “Or he’ll what?”

“He didn’t tell me,” you started, “But I can imagine whatever he had in mind wouldn’t be fun.”

“He wouldn’t lay a hand on you,” Lucas challenged, He then admitted, “As for emotional manipulation? That’s fair game.” He also grew up with Ten, of course. You and Lucas knew Ten better than anyone. Ten’s dear mother only saw what Ten wanted her to see. In her eyes, he was the perfect and devoted son. Ten was an actor. You had to give him credit where it was due.

You sighed. “Well, I’m not going to take that.”

Lucas ran his hands over his hair in frustration. “You shouldn’t have to. God, why did you marry him? Well, I know why...I just...You shouldn’t have…”

You ruffled his hair. “I would do it again. I’m so happy you and your family are safe. That’s what matters to me.”

Lucas looked at you in awe. You were the most selfless and courageous woman he’d ever known. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you said as you hugged him.

He held you tightly because as he had stated in his letter, this could be your goodbye. “I miss you. All the time. I miss you right now, even though you’re right here with me because I know it’s only a matter of time until you go back.”

You cried, “I wish things could be different but...”

Lucas wiped your endless stream of tears. “Maybe...just this once....”

You froze. His lips were so close. All you had to do was tiptoe and you could have him. So you kissed him and he quickly reciprocated. Each kiss felt as if it was your last. Your panties were soaked at just imagining Lucas on top of you again.

Lucas never wanted to let you go. You were his whole world. A beam of sunlight that he wished he could always keep with him. Even if your time together was brief, he treasured each second more than the last. After a few minutes, Lucas released you. “Do you…” He started. He wanted to make love one last time.

You wanted to say yes. You really did. But Ten’s betrayal was still fresh on your mind. You couldn’t fathom stooping as low as he did. This was not the way you wanted to reconnect with Lucas. You didn’t want your time with Lucas to include revenge sex. It wasn’t even about getting even. You wanted to be with Lucas for the sake of just being with him.

You shook your head. “Let’s just spend the next three days together. With your family.”

You didn’t have to explain. Lucas was just happy to be with you for as long as you both could manage.

For the next few days of your retreat, you checked on your family’s cabin to make sure you had no unwanted visitors. The last person you wanted to see but also expected to find was Ten. You wouldn’t put it past him to come and find you, even after you insisted you would return on your own. However, his schedule was always tightly packed. You always made a note of his upcoming schedules so even you could know where he was at all times. Ten certainly didn’t have a problem with doing the same for you. You could never be too careful.

It seemed like Ten had respected your need for space, which gave you some relief. You wondered if he was with another servant now. It could’ve easily been anyone: a noble, a royal from another continent, anyone. You weren’t sure if getting caught by you would deter him. One thing you learned about Ten was that his appetite was never fully satiated. Perhaps you weren’t enough for him. And that hurt you to the core.

You spent most of your time at Lucas’ family home. You went horseback riding with Lucas and Yangyang. You went swimming in the stream with Lucas. Yangyang and his father taught you how to maneuver a bow and arrow for the palace forbade you from learning. Lucas’ mother taught you about the medicinal herbs she worked with. She was the local physician of Wanderlust. You also baked pastries with her and talked to her about Lucas’ past.

You sat down together the night before you parted for the palace again. You sat outside with her, overlooking the large grassy field.

Lucas’ mother stirred her tea. “I’m thankful to you, y/n.”

You shook your head. “You don’t have to thank me. I wanted to help your family-”

She shook her head and laughed. “No, dear. I meant, thank you for being by his side all of these years. I couldn’t be with my son and I always wondered if he was truly happy at the palace. If he found moments of respite and joy when he wasn’t being scrutinized by his father and his wife.”

You replied, “It was Lucas who was there for me, ma’am.”

She placed her hand over yours. “Give yourself more credit. I see the way he is with you. He adores you.”

You avoided her stare, in fear of revealing too much.

“I know his marriage to the princess was not through his own volition and that his heart belongs to you, y/n. I am truly sorry that it ended up this way.”

“So am I,” you replied as you drank your tea. Your hands shook as you handled the cup.

“Perhaps in the next life, you two will find each other again,” she said as she looked out into the horizon.

“Perhaps,” you said as a tear left your eye once again.

“You are always welcome here. You have become like a daughter to me,” she said warmly.

You wiped your tear away and gave her a bright smile. “Would it be acceptable if I called you Mother?”

Lucas’ mother cried tears of joy. “Of course. Only if you let me call you daughter.”

You held her hands and embraced her. Lucas watched you two from the backdoor and smiled, tears in his eyes.

Lucas accompanied you back to your cabin on his family’s horse. You rode together side by side and stole glances. “We can do this again, right?” He asked.

You pretended to think about it. “Of course, we can!” You laughed at his eye roll.

He replied, “Then the next time I plan to return to Wanderlust, I will send you a letter.”

You smiled, biting your lip. “I would like that.”

Lucas kissed you goodbye. It pained you both but you felt relief at knowing that this wouldn’t be the last time you saw each other.

————

Upon arriving at the train station, you were shocked to find Ten waiting there for you. He was accompanied by a group of servants and guards. The passengers and visitors in the station watched him in awe and adoration.

“Your Majesty!”

“It’s Queen y/n!”

“And His Majesty has come to receive her. How sweet! What an attentive husband!”

“Long live King Lee!”

“Many blessings to the royal couple!”

“Ten…” You started.

He began, “Seulgi, grab her bag.”

You and Ten’s servant Seulgi greeted you with a nod and grabbed your bag. Ten offered his arm to you and seeing as you had an audience and an obligation to your people, you took his arm. “Welcome home, darling,” he said quietly. You walked together to the carriage that would take you to the palace.

“Your Majesty,” you replied.

“How was your time in Flame?” He asked.

“Quiet,” you began, “It was nice to get away from the chaos of the palace for a moment. It has been a stressful time. All of this,” you waved your arms around to the crowd, “is still very new to me.”

He cooed. “Darling, it is understandable. It only pleases me that you have returned home.”

He helped you up in the carriage and he sat himself down beside you. The coachman instructed the horses to move. You looked out the window now, avoiding Ten’s stare.

“y/n…” He started.

You shook your head. “Not here.”

So he waited until you returned to your shared quarters.

“y/n,” he said, more pathetically.

“What is it, husband until death do us part?” You asked bitterly as you untied your hair and sat down at the vanity beside the bed.

He hesitated and you wondered just what the look on his face was. You refused to look at him through the mirror. He was always a very prideful and defensive man, even when he was in the wrong. You imagined he was furious at your attitude. Maybe that wouldn’t be to your benefit. He wasn’t the type to grovel for forgiveness.

“I am deeply repentant for my indiscretion with that maid. It meant absolutely nothing. She is not you, y/n.” He attempted to hug you from behind.

You pulled yourself away from him. You scoffed. “Well, it’s nice to know that she can’t fuck as well as I can. That makes me feel so much better.”

Ten bit back his words. He didn’t want you to be mad at him but your insubordination was not making this easy.

You decided to drive the wedge between you further. You recited the following: “‘I will love you for all of my days and be loyal to you. Only. You’.” Ten’s marriage vows had unraveled before your very eyes.

Ten pleaded. “y/n-”

You finally turned around and faced him. “You. Hurt. Me. Betrayed me. Discarded me. If only for a moment, you discarded me like a used handkerchief. If you were going to treat me like this, you shouldn’t have married me. You didn’t need me to rule. You never needed me. You could be with any woman you want. But you wanted to marry me. Why, Ten? Why did you marry me if you were going to fuck this up so horribly?” You sobbed.

Ten’s conscience reared its ugly head and he had to take pause and consider your words. You were questioning your marriage now. You were never meant to find out about his indiscretion. This was all of his fault.

And now here you were, the love of his life: crumbling, spiteful, and broken.

You had to know that no matter who he laid with, you were always on his mind. Always in his heart. The only woman who could reign beside him. You were his everything. He worshipped you. You had to know that.

If you continued to convince yourself that this marriage couldn’t work, then you would insist on an annulment. And Ten forbade it. He would make it an official kingdom rule. Unless it was through death, a marriage was permanent.

And he intended to live a long, happy life with you and the children that you would give him.

So he would have to treat you kindly and gain your trust in any way he could. “I am so sorry, y/n. I...There is no excuse for the mistake I’ve made. The fool I was, I believed the worst of you and especially Lucas. I thought you had betrayed me so...I found comfort in another woman. A lowly servant of all people! I’ve committed an unforgivable grievance.”

You sniffled and eyed him carefully. “Ten, you were wrong about Lucas and me. You never gave me a chance to explain. You were quick to find someone else to lie with. It makes me wonder if this was the only indiscretion…”

Ten sobbed. He broke down and sobbed. You hadn’t seen him break down like this...ever. Not since his father died.

He got down on both of his knees before you. “I’ve failed you, my love. I am scum. I am unworthy of you. I should be burned at the stake. I am willing to do anything for you to forgive me. I can’t be without you. You have helped me through the darkest moments of my life. The thought of losing you...is too much for me to bear. I...can’t.”

“Ten, please…” You worried he was about to choke. “You need to calm down…”

He shook his head. “I cannot! I need you, y/n! I will not deceive you again. I swear it to you!”

You took the pitcher of water from the bedside table and poured him a glass of water. You offered it to him.

He sniffled and wiped his tears with his sleeve. “Thank you. Even when you’re angry at me, you show me kindness. My queen…”

You sighed. It was going to take a lot for you to open yourself up to Ten again. But he was remorseful beyond your wildest dreams. You had to take his word for it that he would try. It would take a long time but if Ten was in earnest, you had to accept it.

“Okay,” you said quietly.

“Darling?” His eyes widened with a rare childlike innocence.

“Okay,” you said more clearly.

His beautiful smile appeared on his face and he cried happily as he took your hand, squeezing it. “My angel. My everything.”

You didn’t squeeze his hand back but you gingerly removed your hand from his grasp. Ten’s smile faded.

“It will take some time for you to regain my complete confidence. I am your wife. And I will do all that is required of me as queen but I plead with you: do right by me. Be faithful to me and only me. That is all I ask of you,” you said, still uncertain of what the future would bring for you two.

Ten was relieved. You were giving him a second chance. He would do everything in his power and more to regain your trust and devotion.

————

[JULY 1895]

Ten has done nothing short of spoiling you rotten for the past three months. He bought you the finest jewels from the ends of the world, having the country’s best designers fix them into brooches, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and crowns. Knowing you had the biggest sweet tooth, he had the kitchen staff working around the clock to prepare pastries from all over the world. He arranged trips to libraries and observatories all over the country for your thirst for knowledge never ceased.

As for Jade, Ten dismissed her and you hadn’t seen or heard mention of her since that fateful day.

Slowly, you opened yourself up to Ten. You began to joke with him again, acting like you used to when you were friends. You welcomed him into bed again and would sleep together. And eventually, you became one again every night.

In those three months, you and Lucas exchanged letters whenever you visited your parents. He was doing well at the kingdom. The king and queen were fond of him. Rosé was good to him. You were happy he wasn’t in a hostile environment anymore but part of you still longed for him.

Lucas was happy to hear that you were in better spirits but he was onto Ten. He always knew there was something off about his half-brother: an inexplicable thirst that never quenched. He believed that a man like him was capable of deceit and could hurt you again. However, because you sounded happier, he chose to refrain from meddling. Instead, you two constantly reminded each other that no matter the distance or the time, you two would always love each other. And that you would see each other again.

After visiting the orphanage in town, you returned to the castle earlier than anticipated. You walk past the library only to hear a strange noise.

You frowned. That was odd. The library was only open to you and Ten. It was only cleaned in the evenings when you’d both retired for your slumber.

You wondered if it had been a spirit so curiosity got the best of you. You walked quietly down the astronomy section and peaked through the shelves to find…

Your husband doing the one thing he swore he would never do to you.

Again.

Only this time, a different maid was on her knees, consuming the cum from his length. You couldn’t see her face, only her auburn tied up with a black ribbon. He had just orgasmed all over her and she sucked at his length like it was her latest chore. She was an efficient little whore.

As for your beloved husband, he pulled at her hair and grunted like the beast that he was.

Instead of letting him know you were there, you carefully walked out of the library and escaped detection. At this point, he confirmed what you should’ve kept believing: he would never change his deviant ways and if he could help it, he would continue to lie to you.

At this point, you didn’t feel the need to cry. Something inside you just turned off. The pastries that arrived in your bedroom were left uneaten. The pearls were given away to visiting royals. You would fall asleep early before Ten joined you in the bedroom. You didn’t want to confront Ten about it anymore because there was no point. Once a cheater, always a cheater, you realized. What a fool you’d been.

So what the hell were you doing? Why were you sitting here like a sorry fool waiting for him to change?

You’d received notice that Lucas was returning to Wanderlust for the first few weeks of August. Since Ten would be away on a trip to the western continent, you decided to take another respite to your family cabin. This time, your parents were going, as well.

If Ten was going to put on an act, so would you.

You laid in bed with Ten the night before he parted for the western continent.

“Darling, is there anything I can get you while I’m away? I’ve already accumulated a list but just in case…” He gave you his signature dashing smile as he pulled you closer to him.

He was an excellent actor, you had to say. But thanks to all of this time in the kingdom, you’ve also come into your own when it came to acting. “I can only think of your safe return, husband.” You kissed his lips, hating that he still had an effect on you.

You held each other for the rest of the night and you pretended, once again, that this man was faithful to you so you could sleep more peacefully. The image of seeing Lucas again helped you immensely.

————

[AUGUST 1895]

Upon your arrival to Flame, you immediately found Mint and took her to get to Wanderlust quickly. Much to the chagrin of your parents as they settled in. You didn’t tell them where you went because the less they knew, the better.

Your mother knew, though. She always did.

You could see Lucas standing by the wisteria tree, waiting for you now. You stopped Mint and Lucas already met you halfway. He got you down and before Lucas could speak, you crashed your lips into his.

Lucas was shocked at the intensity of your kiss. Three months apart drove him a little crazy but he didn’t expect this reaction from you.

“Whoa,” Lucas said as he got some air. “Where’s the fire?”

“I missed you,” you said, “I don’t plan to leave your bed for the next week.”

Lucas’ mouth almost fell to the floor. “y/n-“

“I tried, Lucas. I forgave his sorry ass and truly believed he would be faithful to me.”

“No…” He started. “He didn’t…”

“He got orally fucked in OUR library. Who knows what else this monster has been hiding?” You finally yelled out into the field, releasing all of your pent-up emotions. You really missed this field. The last time you visited, you could yell all you wanted without fear of getting judged.

Lucas clenched his fists. How he didn’t kill this man yet, he didn’t know. He took a deep breath. “Did you run away, y/n? What if he’s looking for you now?” He worried about you. Even if Ten was in the wrong, you would be punished more harshly for abandoning the king.

You shook your head. “His Majesty is on his way to the western continent to meet the King of Spades. He won’t be back for two months. A blissful two months it will be. Not to worry. I’ve already informed the palace that I have traveled to Flame with my family.”

Lucas was still concerned. You were acting out of anger. He didn’t want you to regret your actions.

“Let’s go inside and get you something to eat,” he started.

“Your parents fond of hard liquor?” You asked. “Ten never lets me drink without him. It’s annoying.”

“Maybe you should cool down first. Let’s go for a swim,” he offered.

“Is your family home?” You calmed down a little. “I hope I didn’t traumatize them with my yelling.”

Lucas shook his head. “They’ll be home in a few days. They’re visiting my stepfather’s relatives in the next town. I arrived early to surprise them.”

“Oh…” You started.

“So if you were planning on sharing a bed with me, our window is limited,” he teased.

You avoided his gaze, coming down from your anger. “Oh, no...Lucas, I’m so sorry. I came on too strong. I was so mad. I wanted to see you. I-“

Lucas kissed you and picked you up off the ground. You wrapped your arms around his neck. You both hummed in satisfaction.

“I missed you, too,” Lucas whispered into your ear. He put you over his back and gave you a piggyback ride into the house. You laughed as Lucas ran faster. You held him tighter, afraid you’ll lose your equilibrium and fall. It was like you weighed nothing but he held you tightly. Like you were the most precious jewel in the world.

He took you to the guest room and sat you down on the edge of the bed. This was where Lucas slept whenever he came to visit. You never slept with him in here before.

Lucas stood by the door and watched you.

You stared up at him with your eyes wide in anticipation. “Is this okay?”

Lucas nodded. “Of course, it is.”

You laid back and moved your body so that it was against the headboard. Lucas crawled over you as you moved back. It felt so carnal and wild and set your blood ablaze.

He gave you little love bites all over your breasts as you jerked him off. You then moved your lips downward and took his entire length into your mouth. You moved up and down his length and when Lucas came, you were coated in his essence. After teasing your entrance, making you cum very easily with his skillful fingers, he inserted his soaked length into your throbbing pussy. You both came together.

Lucas made sweet love to you that day. You lied in bed with each other and talked about everything and nothing. What dreams you had. What dreams changed. And you found yourself wondering…

“Do you ever think about running away?” You asked him as you kissed his hands..

”I do sometimes...You?” He pulled you closer to his naked chest.

“Yes...And now I want to more than ever,” you said.

Lucas sighed. “I would give anything to run away with you. Start a new life where no one else knows us. Where neither the Lees  or the Parks can find us.”

“That would be a dream come true,” you said.

Lucas kissed the crown of your head. “Maybe we can do it. Someday.”

You nuzzled against his shoulder. “Someday.”

For the next few days, you and Lucas made love in the stream. In the woods where he set up the perfect picnic. In the flower field a few miles up the gravel path. You had never felt more alive than you had with Lucas. He made you feel so safe and worshipped with his presence alone.

When Lucas’ family returned, you both pretended that you had just arrived so his family wouldn’t catch on to your affair. You never spent the night so as not to arouse suspicions from your parents either.

You split up your time between Lucas’ family and your own. You wished your parents could meet his family but you didn’t want to drag them deeper into your mess than you already had.

When it was time to return to the palace, you and Lucas once again parted ways, knowing that you would always have these summer memories.

Upon returning to the castle, you resumed your duties. You also kept an eye out for the maid who was in the library with Ten. The maids weren’t particularly chatty these days after word spread that you found Ten and Jade in the stables. You were still the kind “simpleton” queen but you weren’t as lenient as you used to be.

You continued your studies and addressed the needs of the townspeople. Although you weren’t particularly loved in the castle, the people of the kingdom adored you, regarding you as a breath of fresh air with the warmest heart. A recent poll was publicized that you were the best queen. And unfortunately, some of the townspeople discredited the former Queen.

Which meant she was even more hostile to you whenever you interacted.

“Don’t let a couple of commoners’ approval get to your head. You are still unworthy of your crown, child,” she said bitterly.

You came to realize that she was threatened by you and you decided to embrace it. The former queen’s words always stung but you didn’t carry them with you long after. You had more important matters to attend to.

Since Ten continued to cheat on you and you could only imagine he continued to cheat on you in another continent, you decided to have Lucas send you letters to the palace. You confided in Seulgi to always directly hand you his letters.

The months, sadly, moved too quickly. More of Lucas’ letters arrived but Ten’s return home was confirmed. The ship had departed two days ago from the western continent.

You had mentally prepared yourself for his arrival so as not to arouse suspicion from your husband. 

————

[OCTOBER 1895]

When Ten finally returned, though, your mental preparation crumbled.

“Sweetheart,” he laid a bag of scrolls down on the floor at the sight of you receiving him at the palace gates.

The time away did Ten good. His skin was tanner. He looked more vibrant than he ever had. His dark hair was sunkissed, shining a red hue in the sunlight. He probably glowed from all of the western women he slept with, you thought begrudgingly.

Ten pulled you in for a very public and very passionate kiss. In front of the guards. In front of the servants. In front of the parade of townspeople who welcomed him back. In front of his irritable mother.

“Welcome home, darling,” you croaked. He was still an incredible kisser. Your knees betrayed you, causing Ten to chuckle.

He whispered in your ear, “Prepare yourself for tonight, angel. The time apart from you has driven me mad with lust. For. You.”

You gulped. Even though you expected this. You still worried over how the night would go. What if…he could smell Lucas on you? Even if months had passed?

He was a sex fiend and with that kind of identity, he had to pick up on certain things, didn’t he?

Ten walked past you and the female servants that received him all giggled. As he kept walking, they followed him and that’s when you recognized her. Miss Oral.

She had a distinct way of tying her hair up. Her wavy auburn hair was tied up in that same black bow that was permanently painted in your mind. She walked very closely to Ten.

fYou clenched your fists, wondering if he would meet her before your “lustful” evening together. You wouldn’t be surprised if he returned to your bed and claimed he was exhausted. It wouldn’t be the first time. As king, so much was always demanded of him.

So you didn’t stay up for him. You went to sleep quickly. Ten frowned in confusion as he saw you fast asleep.

He left you for a moment. He met up with two of your most loyal servants, Seulgi and Irene, in his study. He polished one of his swords as he conversed with them.

“Any updates from Her Majesty and the bastard?” He asked.

Irene was the first to speak up. “No, Your Majesty. She has not gone to see him since August.”

He then turned to Seulgi. She replied, “They continue to exchange letters, sire. And Hendery was sent to the Park Estate per your request.” Hendery was one of Ten’s closest guards and one of his most lethal men.

Ten was beaming victoriously. “That is all. You are dismissed.”

————

Prince Lucas was summoned to the throne room to attend to a visitor from the Kingdom of Hearts. He wore his crown and a rose gold accented black suit.

He approached the gentlemen in the all-too familiar royal army’s uniform. Hendery.

“Hendery,” Lucas started, “What a pleasant surprise.”

Hendery always hated Lucas and he made Lucas know that since they first met. Lucas  was his fiercest rival when they trained together and he despised how favored Lucas was by the former king, simply because he was best friends with the crown prince. And this fool slept with the Queen behind the King’s back. It was disgraceful.

Hendery smiled arrogantly, “Can’t say the same, Your Highness. I’ve been instructed to pass this message along. From His Royal Majesty Ten Lee.”

Lucas figured this had to do with Ten if he was sending his best guard but that didn’t stun him any less. He dreaded to hear the message. “Proceed,” he said with all of the confidence he could muster.

Hendery read aloud, “Prince Lucas of the Park Estate, please refrain from writing letters to the Queen and from seeking audience with the Queen. Or I fancy setting some country homes ablaze so I can establish a new residence in Wanderlust.” Hendery had a wild look on his face at the conclusion of the message.

Lucas stood. Silent. Despondent. Concerned.

Beaming, Hendery asked, “Can I take Your Highness’s panicked look as confirmation that you accept His Majesty’s terms?”

Lucas snapped out of his panic. “Yes, but under the condition that he is true and kind to his wife. Be sure to pass that message along.”

Irritated at Lucas again, Hendery nodded. “Very well, Your Highness.”

Hendery turned to leave, but suddenly turned back, pushing his jacket back to reveal the handle of his sword.

“Oh, Lucas, and one more thing...”

—————

[DECEMBER 1895]

It’d been over two months since you sent Lucas your letter and his response was nowhere to be found. You asked Seulgi for the fifth time today if you’d received any more letters, since Ten had instructed the post office to no longer send any mail for you to your parents house.

“My apologies, Your Majesty,” she said, avoiding your gaze. She must have been worried that you would yell at her like Ten usually had.

“It’s alright. Thank you, Seulgi. You are dismissed for the evening,” you said.

Seulgi curtsied and left you. As Seulgi left, Ten entered.

“Good evening, darling. Frantic to receive a letter today?” He asked innocently.

“No, Your Majesty.”

“Your Majesty?” He laughed as he shut the door of your chambers. “We’re behind closed doors, sweetheart.”

You sat at the table beside the balcony window and watched Ten join you. His bare foot tickled yours.

“Are you feeling tired, love?” He asked softly. These days you’ve managed to find more excuses to avoid having sex with him. Especially since you’ve been quietly creeping around the castle to catch Ten in the act again. But you’ve been unsuccessful.

And actually, yes, tracking your husband for his lewd activities was exhausting.

But when he successfully seduced you, he set your progress back. Those nights when he made love to you, you nearly found yourself enamored again. Over and over and over.

But when you woke up alone the next day every time, it was just a reminder of the fact that he hid so much from you. Who he was. What he’s done. Who he’s done it with.

You replied as you laid your right foot over his prominent bulge. So he didn’t sleep with someone else right before he came to see you. How remarkable of him. “You tell me…”

Ten’s indulgent smile appeared and he got up from the table and moved to your side. He hovered over you and bent down to kiss you. You were immediately out of breath and before you could catch it again, he kissed you again. He got you up from your seat and pressed his bulge against your pelvis. Your pussy ached for his cock to greet it.

“Ride me. Right now,” Ten hissed.

You did as instructed, noticing how soaked Ten’s pants were from your essence coated with his. He wasn’t finished as he carried you to the bed and penetrated you without clothes to get in the way. You both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Oh, Ten thought, if you always made love like this, neither of you had to think. Just be in the present with each other. No distractions. No obligations. No former best friends. Just you and him.

Meanwhile, in the back of your mind, you wondered what happened to Lucas and why he wasn’t responding to your letters.

To Be Continued in Part 2

#wayv smut #nct royal au #nct prince au #wayv au #wayv scenario #nct x reader #nct hard hours #nct smut #wayv x reader #nct angst #superm smut #wayv angst #superm x reader #wayv x you #wayv hard hours #wayv wong yukhei #wayv ten #nct scenario #superm scenarios #nct au #nct imagine #nct scenarios #nct ten smut #nct lucas wong #wayv ten smut #wayv fluff #lucas smut #wong xuxi #ten x reader #lucas x reader

[nanikoreeeh]

about mental health & writing motivation

tw— mentions of depression; anxiety; ocd

long post ahead

it’s been so long since i was last here that i feel strange typing this. this in no way a very articulated post, or at least i don’t think it will be since i’m writing this at 6:09 am after not having slept during the whole night so if you decide to read, thank you.

as you’ve noticed i’ve been absent for a while (or maybe you haven’t, cause this is tumblr and most people come here to log off from real life and have a good time which i also used to do until logging in felt like a chore hence why i’m making this post). anyways, i’ve been absent from tumblr cause i really wasn’t enjoy it anymore.

i discovered tumblr like six years ago, and just realizing that feels so surreal cause for me it’s been like a mere short breath. i was in a not so good headspace and tumblr gave me a save space to connect to people and content that i really wanted to see. fandoms and that sort of stuff. at the time i was so amazed at the freedom the people on this app seemed to have that i just loved it.

i’ve been writing since i was 6 years old and i’ve been writing for my favorite fandoms since i’m 12 so for me joining the x reader, imagines & headcanons side of tumblr was a very natural step. i begun writing for haikyuu in an old blog that it’s not active anymore and it was so much fun. i felt creative, i felt inspired and i felt happy. i had been dealing with depression for several years prior to that so the buzz of serotonin i got from writing and from people actually reading what i posted was amazing.

if you’d experienced depression you know that external stimulus doesn’t lasts for too long. it’s not that the things you enjoy aren’t fun, or good anymore, more like your brain just isn’t properly balanced so no amount of external factors can actually make it not be depressed. so the buzzed faded, so i tried to hold onto it by forcing me to write more and more. which didn’t work of course. eventually i simply stopped doing it.

until i opened this new account.

i told myself that i would take things easy this time, that i wouldn’t pressure myself to write this time, that i wouldn’t compare myself to others writers, that i would do my own thing and just, enjoy it. but then i didn’t, i couldn’t. my mind is working 24/7 but my levels of motivation aren’t even close to catch up to that since well, my depression keeps me for having too much energy when it’s at its worst.

and my depression on top of my anxiety, and my ocd have been at its worst for nearly 3 years now. so whenever i got a new idea, i begun a draft and then i couldn’t come back to work on it.

i try of course, i open my drafts regularly but, as i’m unable to work on them i just grow guilty of not being able to write.

i know i’m far from being a huge, popular blog, but opening this blog i fell once again into a trap of my own making: pressuring myself to write because i have to, well, because i feel that i have to. that if i can stick up to a schedule and just get it done i will be able to overcome my slump.

and i’ve just recently realized that, that isn’t possible. cause i’ve turned one of my biggest sources of happiness into a chore, an obligation, a lifesaver to magically cure me from my clinical depression. making me completely unable to write without feeling like i’m fighting against myself to win a prize that in the end doesn’t give me satisfaction.

long story short, i made myself hate writing. and i’m done with that.

i wanna write from a place of happiness again. i don’t wanna feel like i’m letting anyone down if i don’t post, or if i don’t finish a draft. or if i can’t write as beautifully as i would like. since i’m not a native english speaker sometimes it’s hard to not compare myself to other writers and feel frustrated cause i just know that if i were writing in my native language i could do so much more.

to begin closing this post that it’s definitely getting more than long:

this is a new beginning.

i don’t plan to stop writing, but i’m just gonna let myself go at my own pace. i’ve been dying for kinktober to begin and i’ve wanted to participate on it for years so i’m gonna focus on that for the time being.

meaningless effort is on hiatus until further notice which was something i was so afraid to admit cause i just didn’t wanna let anybody down. i but i hope you can’t understand and will be there to support it if/when i come back to it.

i guess this is a post more for myself than for anyone who is reading this, [but if you are, i wanna thank you for all your support]

the lack of feedback of course is also an important factor on my lack of motivation, but that’s a topic other authors have addressed far more eloquently that i could on this post. a,so, feeling my writing as chore i was in o place to ask for more comments or interactions like reblogs cause it just made me feel guilty in the past.

i guess if i had to sum it up i’d say it’s far more important that you are happy with your writing before trying to please anyone else. you shouldn’t try to prove yourself to anyone else, even if that someone is you. and if you’re not happy anymore doing something [try to see if you can reconcile with it, and if you can’t that’s valid] whatever you do, do it from your heart, do it for yourself and whatever comes next will be okay.

tldr— new beginnings, mental health ruined writing for me but i’m starting again, kinktober is my main focus & i will write to make myself happy, stay tuned if you’d like :)

thank you for reading all the way trough if you do, i sincerely hope life is nice to you & i’m sending you good vibes.

love you all 🤍🤍🤍

— sun

#— sun speaks #— announcement #about the blog

[veraynes-blog]

Fic Writer Review

Tagged by the lovely @1-of-those-things. It’s been a while since I’ve been particularly active on here, so it’s nice to hear from people! 

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

Thirteen! There are some more on older sites I might eventually bring over. 

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

396,428 (I only realised the other day it was this high!) 

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Seven, if we’re just counting AO3. Probably a few others if you take into account older works. 

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

Unspoken (526) - Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master. The fic that took over my brain and brought me back to fandom for the first time in years! 

Unbound (443) - Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master. Part 2 of the Time Lords Victorious series. 

The Secret’s in the Telling [2021 Edit] (388) - Harry Potter, Harry/Draco. This was one of the first big fics I wrote back in 2008, so I decided to give it a polish and update when I brought it over to Ao3. 

False Start (189) - Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master. This was a lot of fun, inspired by a tumblr conversation in which we were speculating what would happen if the Doctor and the Master woke up from a joint regeneration not remembering which one was which. 

Novelty (169) - Life on Mars, Sam Tyler/Gene Hunt. Part 1 of my Godawful Small Affair series. 

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Yes, absolutely, I always try to. It genuinely means so much to me when people give feedback and responses to my work. Also, being chatty in comments and replies is how I met a lot of friends in fandom, I love when people are willing to hold a conversation with me about a plot point or character interpretation. 

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Honestly, I don’t tend to write angsty endings. Unbound came close to having something of an angsty ending (I won’t spoiler), but even that I ended up changing when I came to actually writing it. 

7. Do you write crossovers?

I did when I was much younger, between some anime shows I used to be interested in. Now, not so much, as I find each fandom has its own distinct feel and style. 

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

Uhhhh, a little. Not so much in the Ao3 comments, but when I wrote Inhale, I remember getting some very dubious/aggressive comments in the tumblr reblogs I wasn’t happy with. It does cover some controversial matters I suppose, but nothing beyond the realms of canon?? 

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, definitely. I generally like it to be contained within a wider story, but I may have indulged in the odd PWP on occasion... 

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, I think there are a few copied versions of The Secret’s in the Telling floating about. It was a popular fic when it was first published, and I remember people would occasionally tell me in the comments they’d found it on such-and-such a site under different authors. I gave up trying to keep track. 

11. Ever had a fic translated?

Yes, there are multiple translations of The Secret’s in the Telling into different languages! 

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Myself and the wonderful @johnsimms wrote a jokey, informal fic together about the Tenth Doctor, Simm!Master and Donna called The Love Island AU that still makes me laugh honestly. That’s the only one, but I always liked the idea of collab. 

13. All time fav ship?

Doctor/Master is right up there, and definitely the one I've produced the most content for. I’m also very fond of Hannibal/Will and wish I had the energy/ideas to produce work that really explored their characters. 

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I actually have about 20k written of the third part of the Time Lord Victorious series, and I’m gutted that I can’t figure out how to finish it or find the right inspiration to go back. Maybe one day... 

15. Writing strengths?

Dialogue is a big one for me, I think. One of my favourite things about writing fanfic is learning the verbal ticks of how characters speak and being able to mimic it in my own writing, I take a lot of satisfaction from that. I think I’m also pretty good at analysing characters and using that to explore their motivations and development in a story. 

16. Writing weaknesses?

Plot??? I feel like I never have a strong plot, I just write extended character analysis and conversations. 

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Honestly, I’ve never tried. It’s not something I’d attempt, I’ve got no talent for other languages. 

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Beyblade, back when I was about 15 or so! 

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

My favourite almost always tends to be my most recent, because I can see how I’ve improved and it’s usually about my latest interest. So for the moment that’s Anything But Temptation - Dragon Age Inquisition, Cullen/Dorian. 

That said, I also have a massive soft spot for Unspoken. 

20. Tag!

Like I said, I haven’t been super active on here for a while so I’ve lost track of a lot of people, sorry. If anyone’s interested please consider this a tag! 

@johnsimms @linz33y @lasersonicked @riathel @countessrivers

#verayne writes #verayne answers #tag game #fanfiction

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

tapestry 👑 XI

Warnings: eventual dark elements (tags to be added as fic continues)

This is dark!(king)Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: King Steven had a wandering eye but you never thought it would fall upon you.

This Chapter: The reader finds herself in need of allies.

Note: I thank you all for coming along on this adventure with me and I can’t believe we’re already on part 11 over here. Things will amp up in the next chapter and I’m just hoping I can bring into fruition all that I imagine. I love you all, I appreciate you all. You is good, you is kind. 💋 

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply! Love ya!

You sat at the vanity as Marge plaited your hair. You still weren’t used to having her around but the ritual was soothing. Since the feast, not a week past, the king’s attentions had become more adamant, his visits almost daily. He brought his footman and his usual vows of devotion. Though now, they were underlined with darker tones.

You looked tired. You felt tired. The king was not the only royal fixated upon you. The queen did little to hide her distaste but you would not relent in your attendance. It would be to admit a guilt you did not carry. For as much as you tried, your will proved insignificant. It was upon the king’s inclination that you found yourself as you were.

That day was no different. You would break fast at the queen’s table then follow her to mass. A sewing circle, perhaps some recitation, until the afternoon meal. The women would be as they always were. Whispering and wiling away their time amidst their gossip.

Marge finished pinning your hair as you stared into your own distant eyes. “The grey hood should do.” You said. 

You tore your gaze from your reflection. You waited for her to near and pull the hood over your hair. It was as plain as all your clothing. No golden tassels like the queen or embroidered flowers like Rose. Grey trimmed in black. Almost nunlike.

You stood as Marge backed away. Before you could enter the receiving chamber, a knock sounded. You stepped aside for the servant to pass and watched as she went diligently to answer the visitor. You held your breath as the hinges groaned and were almost relieved to find your father upon the other side.

“Father,” you greeted stiffly.

“Daughter,” He entered with a dull look. He glanced around the room, his eyes passive as he took in the expanse. He hadn’t even a receiving chamber for his courtly business. “You look well.”

“Thank you,” You clasped your hands together and watched him stroll around the room. Marge closed the door and took her spot along the wall. 

“I apologize for not visiting sooner but I’ve been just as busy as yourself,” He preened as he turned to you. “Have you heard of my promotion?”

“Promotion? Why, Father, I hear so little of you or from you.” You returned and he sneered.

“Well, while I do think you’ve behaved rather ridiculously in this whole...affair, it has not been without benefit,” He smiled as he crossed his arms. “Did you not notice the absence of Lord Alan at the feast? Or that I took his place among the counselors?”

“I noticed but I assumed an oversight.”

He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “Let’s hope that sharp tongue does not see you fall as swiftly as you’ve risen.” He warned. “I am a councilman now, and still your father, and you remain within my reign. The king has yet to supersede me.”

“I could never forget my patronage, father,” You assured. “Not even a fall from a horse could shake such unpleasantness.”

“I know not how the king bears you, but I am only thankful that he does.” Your father dropped his arms, hands on his hips in a stance much like the king’s in the portrait above your mantle. “Do you not wonder how Lord Alan’s seat came to be vacant?”

“Should I wonder, father?” You asked. “And if I should, you might be quick about the explanation for I am due for my attendance of the queen.”

He chuckled. “Why, he did confess to his crime. To planting that whelp inside Lady’s Rose’s womb and he didn’t say a word when the harlot did accuse the king.” Your father could not help the delight in his voice. “The king did consider the dungeon, an axe even, but he is merciful. He did only strip the lord of his seat and order him to marry the girl so that she not continue in her accusations.”

“What?” You were truly stunned. The revelation did account for Rose’s recent absence. 

“They will be allowed to remain at court but not without the stain of their sins,” Your father reached up to adjust the pin on his chest; a golden feather which denoted a member of the king’s council. “Though, I think the king’s clemency wanes.”

“Should he need clemency?”

“Oh but daughter, all speak of the crimes which do remain unpunished,” Your father preened. “And as whispers rise louder, he will find it harder to ignore the conspiracy.”

“Conspiracy? What madness do you speak of?”

“Do you think that was truly an accident?” He pointed to your arm still bound in a sling. “Hmm?”

“A nervous horse and nervous rider,” You assured him. “It was a blessing it wasn’t worse.”

“Oh, but why should the queen house such a nervous beast?” Your father raised a brow. “The creature was examined and identified. He was the queen’s newest purchase, barely trained and known for its temper, and yet, she would have it saddled out of a dozen others for the hunt.”

“A coincidence. An oversight,” You felt the heat along your neck. “Nothing more.”

“And that its saddle was ill-fitted and lined with brambles?” He ventured and his eyes lit at the shock that washed over you. “The king outfits his own men and the queen sees to her ladies. And she surely saw to you.”

“That cannot be,” You touched your injured arm. Another day and it would be without the hideous sling. “I don’t believe you.”

“You may not, but should I suggest you have your food tasted before you would nibble at it, I assume you might heed my advice,” He suggested. “The queen has her allies and though the king is yours, his friends will not be so loyal as him.” You stood straight. “Do what you can to find some of your own and realize that I am not so much your enemy as you think, daughter.”

You stared at him. You sighed and smoothed your hand over the front of your bodice. “I should be late if I tarry longer, father, and I suspect you would too. The council awaits, do they not?”

“They do, daughter,” He nodded, half a bow, “Do not take your eye from the queen.”

He marched to the door and Marge opened it for him with a quiet “my lord.” When he was gone, she looked to you. Her concern mirrored your own. 

“Do you think the queen truly did it?” She asked.

“I do not know what to think,” You replied. “Or who to trust, so perhaps I should trust no one and keep my thoughts to myself.”

👑

To your surprise, Rose attended the queen that day. She was quiet and her dainty blue eyes were downcast. You caught yourself staring at her as she poked her needle into the tapestry. She did not sew, only pretended to. Her cheeks were red and blotchy and for the first time, you saw the girl behind the lady’s facade.

Joan and Beatrice sat with her as they always did but she did not answer them when they spoke. You did not know what was worse; to have been cast out or that she would remain at court to face her shame. Your own hand was slow without a second to hold the cloth and in your distraction, the fear that bubbled at the sight of the king’s former mistress, you were useless.

When you were dismissed to ready for the evening meal, you lingered and watched as Rose trailed behind the others. She shrugged off Beatrice who huffed and turned to grab Joan instead. You waited for them to depart as Rose dragged her feet. You caught up to her as the ladies turned the next corner.

“Rose,” You said softly. She looked to you and the pain in her eyes turned to anger.

“What? You here to boast?” She stopped sharply. “Can’t you see I’ve already been dragged low enough?”

“I do not wish to boast. I wish to speak to you,” You said calmly. “Peaceably, if we could.”

“Why?” She spat as she raised her head on her long neck. 

“Because I am not your enemy, I never have been.” You replied. “Perhaps that is how you saw me but I never saw myself as such.”

“You think I do not see how you pleasure in my disgrace--”

“Have I said a word on it? Have I whispered with the rest?” You asked. “I think you should realize that we are much more alike than you want to believe.” She frowned but did not flee. “We both know the king to be a philanderer and entirely selfish.”

“How can you when he would still have you?”

“Because I don’t want him. I never did and for all I’ve tried to deny him, it’s only encouraged him.” You kept your voice low as you ushered her towards the wall. She followed reluctantly. “And my current favour does not set me above you, it sets me alongside you. Your fate could as easily be mine. Likely worse for I am not a duke’s daughter.”

“So you play at kinship with me? Pity?” She fluttered her lashes angrily.

“I don’t play at anything. You are to marry Lord Alan and have a child who is likely the king’s bastard. This court will not be hospitable and I think it worse that he should keep you here to abide their cruelty.” You looked her in the eye. “We are both alone here but know that you do not need to be. The king declared us enemies, that was not our choosing, was it?”

She blinked and lowered her chin. When she looked at you again, her eyes glistened. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“You’ve enough of that,” You assured her. “And I have too. We needn’t be friends, Rose, but I do not want another foe.”

She sniffed and breathed deeply. “I don’t want another either.” She said. “And I am sorry for you because you are right. We’re not so different and I would wish this on no other.”

“Thank you, Rose,” You glanced down the hall. “You’re not so thorny as you pretend to be.”

👑

After your evening prayers, you returned to your chambers to find the king awaiting you. He rose as you entered and Marge waited nervously to close the behind you. Hugh was in the corner as usual, his eyes alight but unfocused. The fire crackled and the moon shone in between the heavy curtains.

"My lady," The king greeted. "I've been awaiting you most eagerly."

"Oh," You let him kiss your hand. He did not release you as he stood straight. "Your highness, the day has worn on."

"As they do when we're apart," He grinned though his tone was laced with more. "I did think of you as I went about my daily tasks. I had a fitting done today," He steered you around to the sofa. "And I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" You tired of the king and his surprises. "You did not have to."

"Oh but I saw it and thought of you." He stopped before the sofa. "Sit and close your eyes."

"Your high--" He waved his hand to silence you. 

You sat heavily and closed your eyes as he bid. You heard him move around the couch and the gentle rustle of something unseen. You folded your hands in your lap and waited. You flinched as you sensed him before you.

"Open, my lady," He said.

He held a bolt of fabric. A gentle silvery muslin embroidered with beaded curlicues. You raised your brows as you gaped at the rich cloth. 

"It will need to be lined but I should like you to have a gown for the yuletide." He explained. "One befitting your beauty."

"I've never sewn with anything so delicate," You touched the corner of the fabric.

"I will send a seamstress and my personal tailor," He set the roll down beside you on the sofa. "Tell me you like it."

You stared at him a moment. Only days ago he was threatening you in a dark corridor and now he was back to his doting ways. How far could you push him before he made good on his vows?

"It is very beautiful," You smiled. "Thank you, your highness."

"I will have other fabrics sent. You are in need of a new wardrobe. Perhaps a jeweler too."

"It is too much," You protested but his sharp glance curtailed you. "I thank you for your generosity."

"For you, anything," He smiled just before he turned from you. There was another side to the words. Was he willing to give you anything or give anything to have you?

He strode to the mantle and considered his own image above the fireplace. He leaned on the mantle as he looked up at himself. The room was still and silent. Marge stared at her feet and Hugh looked at nothing in particular.

"I was barely more than your age when I stood for this," He said. "They sent a copy to every princess in the world. In return, I received dozens of portraits. I had my choice of any I pleased." 

He slowly turned away from the painting. "My mother wanted Eleanor. She is a fair woman despite her demeanor. The very image of a queen. But her being does not match her appearance."

You listened nervously. You shifted as he paced.

"When we wed, she was still in love with her old prince. She wept for weeks. She tried not to show it but I knew. And she knew I did." He exhaled and hung his head. "We never truly had a hope. A marriage built on fallacy."

"And it cannot be fixed?" You asked softly.

He looked at you and tilted his head. He neared and sat beside you. He took your hand in his. 

"No, because I love you, my lady." He kissed your hand. "And there is no end for me but you."

"Your highness." 

You did not pull away for fear of angering him. He tugged you closer as he peeked over at his footman and then your servant. He leaned in and whispered.

"You haven't any idea of what I dream of. Of the thoughts that fill my head whenever you are near and when you are not." He squeezed your hand. "I want you, lady, and I want all of you. I swear to you that once I have you in my bed, you shall rarely leave it."

Your face was on fire and you closed your eyes in shame. You trembled and he released your hand so that he could play with a fold along your skirt.

"Even now, I think of pushing you back against this sofa and burying my head beneath these skirts. And when I finished, I would tear loose your modest bodice and reveal the womanly body you so piously keep from me. And I would have all of it. All of you."

"Your highness," You caught his hand and gasped.

"Kiss me," He slid his hand from beneath yours and grabbed your chin. "Kiss me or I shall do it."

You pressed your lips to his. His hand moved to cradle your face and he ran his tongue along your lips. You winced and opened your mouth. He slipped his tongue inside and you struggled to breath as he turned to crush you against the back of the sofa.

He parted, both of you out of breath, and slowly sat back. He hung his head as he collected himself. You stared at your sling and the way your hand trembled within.

"I can wait. I can." He said as if convincing himself. "I promise you that this will be over soon. The new year will see this matter concluded."

He stood and sniffed. He stretched and motioned to his footman. 

"I must retire for the night, my lady." He announced. "See that you are well-rested. my tailor should visit tomorrow."

"Your highness," You rose and curtsied to him.

"You must start dressing the part," He said as he neared the door, "And holding yourself as such."

Hugh opened the door and waited for the king to precede him into the corridor. Steven looked back as he entered the hall and smirked just before he set off down the stone. His footsteps echoed until Marge stifled them with the door.

"My lady," She turned to you, "Do you really think he means it?"

"I…" You slowly sat and touched your lips. "I think he does."

#tapestry #king!steve #Steve Rogers #dark!steve rogers #dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader #medieval au #series #fic #mcu #marvel #captain america #dark!fic #dark fic #bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

A Study in Allies

Until We Meet Again: Part 2/?

Thrawn x Senator!Reader, Female Pronouns

Summary: You and Thrawn meet again, your fascination only growing.

A/N: I’m not exactly sure where this is going. I plan this to be a series of one shots revolving around this Senator!Reader. If your interested in reading more about her and Thrawn, feel free to send any request my way! And remember REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS!!!

Word Count: 3.7K

       As much as you tried to fight it, Lieutenant Thrawn did not fully leave your mind for the next twenty-four hours.  

       You had spent the rest of the evening performing your duties, shaking hands and introducing yourself to as many of the movers and shakers of Courscant as you were able. But as you finally made it home and drifted off to sleep, your conversation with Thrawn was the only thing to remain in your memory.

       The next day was relatively light.  As soon as you finished your morning calls, you spent your time researching what you could on the Chiss and Thrawn in preparation for your next meeting.

         A small twinge of guilt twisted your stomach, but you suppressed it.  All Thrawn’s military exploits were public record.  It wasn’t as if you were digging up private, personal information. Besides, you had no doubt he was doing the same thing with you.   

       You ought to have been embarrassed by this strange new obsession, but he couldn’t help holding your fascination.  You hadn’t met anyone like him before. 

       You had heard stories about leaders in various systems throughout the years.  Conquerors, emperors, generals, all of which were described as having a strange aura of power and charisma.  An unflinching confidence that inspired people to rally behind them.  

       You had met many political leaders over the years, from kings to admirals.  None possessed the air described by the stories, except Thrawn.  It was a rare quality, often lamented as occurring only once in a lifetime. Was it so strange then to want to be in its presence again?

       Your comm rang, pulling your from your thoughts. 

       “Yes?”

       “Pardon me Senator,” Cora, your aid, called.  “But there is a Lieutenant Thrawn here to see you.”

       You straightened, feeling a small smile touch your lips.

       “Please, send him in.” 

       You stood from your desk as the door slid open. 

       Lieutenant Thrawn stood before you just as he had the night before; tall, confident, and dressed in his Imperial navy uniform.  A part of you wondered if he possessed any other type of clothing. 

       The light of day also helped to clear a suspicion you had been harboring; he was handsome. 

       “Good afternoon, Senator,” he greeted, inclining his head in respect. 

       “Good afternoon, Lieutenant,” you replied, matching his movement.  “Please, make yourself comfortable.”

       You gestured to a small table and chairs placed just to the right of your desk.  On the table was a small selection of fruits, meats and vegetables, along with a range of alcohols.  You hadn’t been sure how long the meeting would go and wanted to be prepared. 

       If Thrawn was in any way affected by the spread, he made no indication. 

       “Thank you.” 

       He took his time choosing a seat as his eyes wandered your office, pausing at each of the paintings and sculptures you had scattered throughout. 

       You followed his gaze, noticing how it lingered on one particular painting; an impressionist interpretation of the sky of Danu just as the sun was rising; it’s pinks and oranges contrasting and over powering the purples and dark blues of the night sky. It was a gift to your family by one of Danu’s prominent art museums, and one of your personal favorites. 

       You turned your eyes back to Thrawn, whose attention still remained on the painting.  

       “See something you like?” you asked, with just a hint of teasing. 

       Thrawn blinked, before turning to you.  His glowing red eyes now focused with inquisitive intensity.  

       “It is an interesting collection,” he said, smoothly. “Were these all selected yourself?”

       “Yes.  A bit eclectic perhaps, but I like them,” you said, taking the seat just across from him.

       “And those in the reception area?”

       You frowned, thinking of that rather gaudy display of golden vines and multi-colored flowers. “Those were chosen by Governor Lir. I’ll be replacing them once the commissions are finished.”

       Thrawn nodded in consideration.  “If you don’t mind, I would be interested in seeing them once they’re finished.  I assume you asked the painting to be done by an artist from Danu?” 

       “Yes,” you said carefully. “How did you come to that conclusion?”

       “Some of the sculptures have been done relatively recently,” Thrawn answered, easily. “Their subject matter and style match current trends in Danu art.  I assume if you’re having a piece commissioned you want to keep them in continuity with your office.”

       You wanted, very much, to ask him how he knew anything about current artistic trends on Danu or even how it was relevant. Upon brief reflection, however, you realized you didn’t have to. 

       You had done your research on him, he had done the same.  His searches simply lead him to invest an interest in Danu’s art scene.  And, considering what he was able to discern from the mural, it wasn’t so strange. 

       “I will say to make fast work,” he continued. “I understand you’ve only been on Coursant for a few weeks.” 

       You gave a casual shrug. “This will be my place of work and home for a long time if all goes according to plan. I might as well make myself comfortable.” 

       He raised his eyebrow slightly with an amused, possibly even impressed, half smile on his lips. 

       “Indeed.”

       You couldn’t help but smile yourself a little. “Now Lieutenant, I believe you’re here to listen to some stories. Where would you like to start?” 

       You weren’t sure how long the pair of you talked and you didn’t really care. 

       You related to him all the stories you could bring yourself to remember about the Chiss.  The image you had painted in your mind of honor bound warriors wasn’t as far off the mark as you believed they might have been, according to Thrawn.  But, like all stories faced with reality, there were some more nuanced shades of grey. 

       He didn’t openly share any new information.  But from small hints, decisive silences, and rather obvious dodges, you were starting to get a slightly clearer picture.  The Chiss were warriors certainly, but they had their own bureaucracy to contend with, family squabbles, and pride which was always found within such systems. A pride Thrawn most certainly possessed, whether he wished to acknowledge it or not. 

       “May I ask you a possibly personal question?” you asked, pouring you each another glass of wine. 

       “You may ask,” Thrawn said, a note of suspicion in his voice. 

       You gave a small laugh.  “It’s nothing too terrible, I hope. I simply wanted to know if Thrawn is your true name. From what I’ve come to understand, Chiss usually have much longer names.”

       His shoulders relaxed slightly. “We do. Thrawn is my core name.”

       “Then, what’s the rest of it? Or are outsiders not allowed to know?”

       “Others may hear it.  It is more a matter of efficiency,” he explained. “Those with Basic as their primary language have a difficult time pronouncing it. But, if you truly wish to know, my full name is Mitth’raw’nuruodo.” 

       “Mitth’raw’nuruodo,” you repeated back. 

       “Mitth’raw’nuruodo,” he corrected. 

       “Mitth’raw’nuruodo.”  This time you tried rolling the “r”s as he did. 

       “Mitth'raw'nuruodo.” 

       Your lip pursued in concentration.  You could hear how you were saying it wrong, but couldn’t quite figure out how to correct the mistake.  But you had to try at least once more. 

       “Mit-thra-nur-uod-o,” you said, deciding to disregard the “r” roll and simply pronounce each syllable as best you could.

       “Better,” Thrawn conceded. “But not quite.”

       You let out a sigh.  “I will get it eventually.”

       A small amused smile came to his lips. “You may try.”  

       It linger there a while longer, but a small shift in his eye convinced you it was about something else. 

       “Is there something else you find amusing?” you asked.

       “More interesting,” he said, diplomatically. “Your selection of stories is very different from others I’ve heard.”

       “How so?”

       “Ensign Vanto recounted stories of The Chiss’ military exploits or combat abilities.  No doubt you have heard the same. You, however, chose to tell stories referring to our culture and traditions.”

       “Maybe I assumed you have heard them before.”

       “Perhaps,” Thrawn said.  “But, unlikely.  You stated yourself how you admired the times of peace in the Republic. Tales of war do not hold your interest.”

       “Guns and battleships don’t hold my interest. It’s the people behind them that do,” you corrected. “Like you for instance.”

       “How do you mean?”

       You gave him a doubtful look.  “Don’t play that game.  You’ve done your research on me, it’s only fair I do the same.  I only wish to parse out facts from fiction.” 

       Thrawn watched you closely.  His glowing red eyes burned into you, but you did not look away as you did before.  You held your ground, until finally he relented. 

       “What have you learned?

       “Very little, I’m afraid,” you admitted, with a small smile. “Your recent military exploits speak for themselves.  By all accounts a series of miraculous victories pulled seemingly from thin air orchestrated by a brilliant military mind who should by all accounts be an Admiral, but is instead the first weapons officer. This most recent encounter with the Dromedar being emblematic of that.”

       He nodded.  “You’ve heard about my court marshal, I take it. “

       “There had to be some reason why you’re here,” you said, your expression turning apologetic. “I am truly sorry.  The navy has no right to pursue you in such a way.  As far as I’m concerned you made the right decision.  Life should always be valued over profit.  If there is any way I can help, please let me know.” 

       “I will,” he said, in a tone that made you feel as if not only did he mean it, but truly appreciated it. A small part of you had to wonder who, if anyone on Coruscant had offered him help. 

       “What else have you heard,” Thrawn prompted. 

       This part was tricky and for the first time that afternoon, you looked down.

       “I understand you were discovered in exile, though the reasons why vary from telling to telling.”

       “Which of these tellings do you believe?”

       You glanced up again.  

       Thrawn sat coolly in the chair.  His body and positioning were relaxed but still ultimately in control as he stared unblinking awaiting your answer. 

       You thought of the man before you, and the one described in the reports.  You thought of the priority of minimal casualties on both sides.  You thought of the crew of the Dromedar.  And you thought of the calculation in his responses when talking about his people. 

       “You ordered a preemptive strike on an enemy,” you said with a confidence foreign to you. “But I have a hard time believing it was done in a fit of blind ruthlessness.”

       “And what do you believe?” 

       He learned forward.  It was just a hair, not many would notice, but it was enough for you to know you had to choose your next words very carefully.

       “I think you would do whatever is necessary to protect who you perceive your people to be, whether it be your crew or The Chiss.” 

       “Do you?” he questioned.

       You nodded. “I know a little something about that.” 

       For a long moment, neither of you spoke. 

       “Yes,” Thrawn said, quietly as if to himself. “I believe you do.” 

       Something flashed across his features.  Understanding, perhaps?  Or maybe admiration?  

       You didn’t have time to question it as all too quickly, he leaned back and his unreadable mask slipped easily into place.  

       “You’re quite perceptive, Senator,” he commended. 

       “Not really,” you said, with a shrug. “In my experience people are very open about what they want either through their actions or outright stating it.  The only ones who aren’t are those who have yet to make up their mind.  You don’t strike me as the indecisive sort.”

       “Perhaps,” Thrawn said.  “But do not belittle your abilities.  Stating one’s wants is one thing, but often actions can be misinterpreted, their true meaning plagued by personal bias.  Being able to clearly see someone’s reasoning for their actions is a rare skill.” 

       “I’ll take your word for it,” you said, feeling your cheeks warm slightly. “But you’re avoiding the question.”

       “Which is?”

       “Am I right?”

       Thrawn was silent for a moment.  

       “You are right in the ways that matter,” he said. “I will always do what is necessary to protect my people.”

       You frowned, but knew better than to ask further.  Perhaps he wasn’t allowed to talk about the true reason for his exile. Which itself only lead to more questions.

       “Something else?” Thrawn asked.

       “Yes…” you said.  Your stomach twisted, unsure if what you were about to ask truly was crossing some invisible line.  But, you had come this far. 

       “Why join the Empire?”

       Thrawn stared a moment as if surprised by your question.  You didn’t blame him, but instead of anger or even indignantly you expected, there was just confusion.  “As I have stated, and you have observed, I will do what I feel is necessary to protect my people.”

       “So why not go back to them? How does joining the Empire do that?”

       Thrawn’s eyes darkened, his expression going distant, almost regretful. “There are many dangers in the galaxy.  Dangers greater than The Chiss Ascendancy or The Empire can face alone.  I believe an alliance is necessary to face such a danger.” 

       “Assuming the Empire doesn’t turn on you.”

       He glanced at you, titling his head curiously. “Do you believe it will?”

       “It doesn’t matter what I believe,” you dismissed. “You obviously believe it won’t.” 

       “But you do have your doubts.”

       It was your turn to remain silent as your own mind flashed to darker times. The Clone Wars. Your father. Danu torn apart and only now starting to rebuild.  

       You let out a tired sigh. “I suppose we each have to settle for an uneasy alliance to maintain peace for our people.”

       “Spoken like a diplomat,” Thrawn said, dryly.

       Your lip twisted into an ironic smile. “I have to get my practice in somewhere.” 

       Thrawn’s own lips turned upward slightly, giving just a hint of amusement.  It softened his features, if only a little.  You found you rather liked it. 

       His expression then shifted into an oddly thoughtful expression. 

       “Do you have a question for me?” you asked. 

       Thrawn shook his head.  “Not a question.  I was just musing on how you have heard so little of me and my people and yet are able to construct a fairly accurate picture.  While I comparatively have heard much of you, and yet the reality speaks to something entirely different.” 

       “And what have you heard of me?”

       For the first time since you met him he appeared uncomfortable. “I hesitate to say.  As I said, the reality is much different.”

       “I can take it,” you assured.  “I promise not to shoot the messenger.  And besides, you said it yourself; it’s often illuminating to hear stories about yourself from an outside source.”

       Thrawn nodded in consideration. 

       “I understand you were made Senator four months ago,” he began. “Your family has lived on Danu for generations and is highly regarded within its sphere of influence.  Your father was governor during the time of The Clone Wars, but was killed in a Seprestist attack.”  

       He bowed his head to you, his voice growing surprisingly gentle. “My sympathies.” 

       “Thank you,” you said, feeling your heart ache at the old wound. “Please, continue.” 

       “Governor Lir was appointed to the position soon after although not to the same success. He was the one to suggest the previous senator, Senator Trask. Unfortunately, Trask was eventually charged with corruption after being found in league with a pirate gang stealing and reselling food stuffs on the black market. Governor Lir was cleared of any involvement.  It was then, your name was selected to be Trask’s replacement.  From what I gathered, you made a name for yourself on Danu for various public works and, given your father’s legacy, it was the logical choice.”

       You nodded in understanding.  Governor Lir needed his name associated with your father’s to maintain his reputation.  The thought made your stomach twist unpleasantly.

       “As Colonel Yularen explained it to me, Danu lost much of its influence after the Clone Wars,” Thrawn continued. “It is now in direct control of its governors who are themselves controlled by Grand Moff Tarkin.”

       “So, I’m a puppet head. A naive heiress, picked out of a hat because of her father’s accomplishments,” you said, feeling like you were about to be sick. Was that why Lir had been so insistent on showing you around, introducing you as some non-threatening, pretty young thing? 

       You gave a dry scoff. “Not a very flattering portrait.” 

       “No,” Thrawn agreed.

       You laughed again, sincerely this time.  “You really need to work on your interpersonal skills if you’re going to survive Coruscant,” you said dryly.  You then let out a sigh. “Well, I’ve certainly got a much harder job ahead of me than I anticipated.”

       “Perhaps,” Thrawn said.  “Perhaps not. As I said before, what I have been told and what I have observed are very different.  You may use that to your advantage.” 

       “How?”

       “They will underestimate you.”

       It was said so calmly, so matter-of-factly you couldn’t help but be taken aback.

       “That implies I am more than what they make of me.”

       “You are.”

       And there it was again, that unwavering confidence that what he was saying was unquestionably right. 

       He raised an eyebrow. “Do you doubt me?”

       You blinked, pulling yourself back to the moment. 

       “I believe, you believe your words,” you said. “I can only hope you’re right.”

       “Time will tell.” 

       It was at that moment, your comm buzzed. 

       “Yes?” you asked. 

       “I’m sorry Senator,” Cora answered. “But you asked to remind you about your appointment with Governor Lir.”

       You frowned, but a quick look out the window told you she was right to do so.  The sun was just starting to set, and Governor Lir insisted on meeting before the next round of parties you needed to attend. 

       “Yes, thank you for reminding me.  Please message the Governor to let him know I’ll be a few minutes late.” 

       Cora offered an acknowledgement before clicking off the comm.  

       You gave Thrawn an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I really do have to attend to this.”

       “Of course,” Thrawn said, rising from his seat.  “I will not keep you from your duties any longer.” 

       You rose as well.  “I only wish you could. You’re certainly more interesting company. Will you be joining in any of the festivities tonight?” 

       “I do not believe so.  Ensign Vanto and I must meet with the high command tomorrow.” 

       “Of course,” you said, feeling a twinge of regret.  It may be some time before you saw him again, if at all, but you pushed it down.  You each had your duties. 

       You met his eye then with a gentle smile.  “Thank you for your stories and advice.  And, please know you have a friend on Coruscant, should you need one.” 

       Thrawn gave you an odd look. “Are we friends?”

       “We were able to discuss art and politics without feeling compelled to throw things at each other.  If that’s not friendship, I don’t know what is,” you said, dryly. “But, if the word is too familiar, could we at least part as allies?” 

       You offered your hand. 

       Thrawn hesitated a moment, taking your words into careful consideration. 

       “I do not believe either term is exactly the right one, but for the sake of simplicity, friend will have to do.”  

       Your brows furrowed, unsure about what exactly he could mean. 

       He gave not further explanation as he took a small step forward and took your hand in his.  His skin was warm, warmer than you anticipated. He held you hand in an oddly gentle, but firm grip; his palms rough from years of experience and untold battles. It was a strange combination, but not unpleasant. 

       He held your gaze.  You couldn’t even guess what he was thinking, all you knew was that your throat was going dry and your heart was beating rapidly against your chest. 

       “Until we meet again, Senator,” he said. “I look forward to your career with interest.”

       “So do I, Lieutenant,” you managed. “Until then.”   

       He released your hand, and it was over. 

       You watched him as he walked out of the room, staring after him even after the door had hissed closed. 

       You let out a breath, willing your heart to calm to a walking pace. What could he possibly mean by neither friend nor ally?  

       Without thinking, you flexed the hand he had touched as if to make sure it wasn’t truly burning.  Had he felt it too?

       Mentally, you shook your head.  It didn’t matter. You had no idea if and when you would ever see him again.  He would undoubtedly get out of this court marshal and accelerate up the ranks of the Imperial Navy.  Meanwhile, you had your duties here on Coruscant.  Duties you had to attend to. 

       You quickly gathered your things, and walked briskly out of your office. 

       “Excuse me, Senator?” Cora said, her words stopping you in mid-stride.

       “Something wrong?” you asked. 

       “No ma’am.  It’s just…” she hesitated as if unsure if she was even allowed to know what she was about to say. “Lieutenant Thrawn asked me to give you a message.”

       “Which is?” 

       “He asked me to remind you he would like a holo copy of the pieces you have commissioned for the reception area.  And if it wasn’t an inconvenience, he would be interested in having holo copies of the pieces you have in your office as well.”

       You blinked unsure whether to feel flattered or utterly exposed. 

       “Should I tell him you’re unable to,” Cora asked, tentatively.

       “No,” you said, shaking out of your temporary shock.  “No, go ahead and collect holo copies of the pieces and send them along.  Contact Ensign Vanto of the Imperial Navy, I’m sure he will pass them along.” 

       Cora gave a look of confusion, but seemed to know better than to question a Senator. 

       “Yes ma’am.  Goodnight.”

       You barely gave her a wave of acknowledgment as you walked out the door, the same question reverberating in your mind; friend, ally, or something else?

#thrawn #grand admiral thrawn #thrawn x reader #grand admiral thrawn x reader #star wars #sw rebels #timothy zahn #thrawn x senator

[hillnerd-art]

bummer of an announcement

So! I got an anon asking ‘it's been a while since you posted art. are you still making art?’ Honestly? No, I’m not. Not really. Not right now.

TLDR; I can’t make art right now due to medical reasons. I do not know when this will change. 

I’m still in the Potter fandom. I’ll still post art here when it is made- 

 @hillnerd​ I will be still be doing tons of the other fandom stuff.

I’ll still continue hosting fandom events as well.

If you still want to support my work/creative stuff/medical stuff with money, I have a ko-fi you can always send 'tips' to. ko-fi.com/P5P2841I

WAY more detailed information under the cut

For the past few months I’ve not been able to make art because stylus/pen-holding has been nearly impossible for me. I have a few medical conditions that sometimes make it very difficult for me to do art. Recently it's gotten worse and worse.

I have about 8+/- sketches and drawings queued up to post (need to get around to posting them!) and have a line up of commissions I am trying to get done.

After that... I honestly don’t know how much art I can guarantee I’ll make. I will always be an artist of the heart, but my body simply won’t let me continue right now. Well obviously I'm going to push through and finish all my obligations- including last commissions- but after that it's up to my body.

When/If I am making art again after this last push (and I'm certain I will eventually! I mean, this CAN'T last forever, I hope!) it'll be fandom, or working on my pride and prejudice comic etc.

I am honoring all my commission commitments!

If I still owe you one and you are concerned pm me or email me.

I am shutting down my patreon,

and won’t be taking sketch requests or commissions for the foreseeable future.

Patrons there’s a special announcement there for you.

If you still want to support my work/creative stuff/medical stuff with money

I have a ko-fi account you can always send 'tips' to.  https://ko-fi.com/P5P2841I

Wait, aren't I a full-time artist???

I was, but I'm not anymore. I started working with kids back in november. I'm now going to graduate school to get a master's degree in teaching. My medical issues are part of why I'm becoming a teacher instead of remaining a full-time artist. I can't do my work anymore like I did (plus I hated so much of the non-fanon work I did! :P graphic design is the devil.)  I am very excited about teaching and genuinely love it- and hopefully my medical situation will improve and I'll be able to do art on the regular for fun/my own projects! But I can't do it on command in a timely manner anymore.

Am I staying in the fandom?

YES!  I can still type, I can still talk, I can actually do a ton of things (RP, chats, meta, fic writing etc- none of them are deeply affected by this).  I just can't hold my pen/stylus for longer than like 5-10 minutes at a time.

What's my medical situation?

I have a LOT of stuff- but the main one interfering right now is my fibromyalgia. My hands get super sensitive a lot of the time and get easily fatigued. When they are bad they go pins and needs or literally feel like I have a bad sunburn all over my hand, and any pressure for more a minute or so feels like someone grinding a knuckle into a bruise, or like you brushed a sunburn up against sandpaper. It's really intense and hurts a ton. Pushing through this pain is very hard on me.

How come I can do makeup but can't do art?

Makeup changes the brush/tool, pressure on the fingers/hand and angle of the movement a LOT. I'm very fast and it requires only a short spurt of energy to finish each part and i'm in minimal pain. Digitally drawing does not do this- the fingers/hand are stuck in the same general shape, the same muscle groups are enacted continuously, and it required much more dexterous control of the tool in my hand for a longer amount of time. That constant pressure on my hands/fingers is incredibly painful.  I am sure that with time I could relearn how to draw in a different way so this is not an issue- but I'm not going to put pressure on myself about this so I can do fan art.

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME, WHETHER FOR A LONG TIME, OR A SHORT TIME. I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT!

Again, I’m not ‘retiring from all art ever’- I’m just letting y’all know the situation- that I can’t draw much right now- and you’ll see a slower output of new work. I’m still in the Potter fandom. I’ll still post art here when it is made- it just might be a while after this last push until you see new work.

And honestly, reblogs have been drying up.

I’ve never been that popular of an artist.

People rarely reblog my stuff, and if I’m going to literally push through tons of physical pain to make stuff, I’d like to have an audience that engages with it. Likes don’t spread my art out, and don’t encourage engagement. So there’s that. :P  Anyways that’s it! Bummer of an announcement to have to make but... yuuup.

Stay safe, and keep it magical

-Hilly

#for all 4 of you who care about my art

[theastrophilearchitect]

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Writing journey #4.

15/05/2021 07.22 My break has officially been over for five days, and i have done some writing, but it’s been incredibly inconsistent, so I decided to start this blog post over. Bay Tree has been archived, and though FSB isn’t done, I’ve realised I need to take a step back. It’s why writers leave weeks at a time between drafts--so when they return, they’re in a different mindset, and can improve their work.

For this same reason, I need to take a step back before I finish my outline. My thought process is becoming monotonous, which means I’m losing my excitement. When you start a project, you have the idea in your head as perfect, and when those ‘vibes’ become tangible, it is less exciting. That’s unavoidable. But I just need to take a step back, so when I return, I have fresh ideas, and the plot becomes more exciting to me.

So today, I’m going to start brainstorming a new idea I had, which I don’t have an alias for yet, and I have an idea to essentially bind every project I have together, but not in Grishaverse- or Shadowhunters-style where you need to read ten books just to read the one you want. Just a nod to anyone who does read multiple, like when Aelin falls through worlds and sees Rhys and Feyre for a split second.

So. Let’s brainstorm.

My plan, I think, is to alternate weekly. This week, I’ll work on the new one, next week I’ll do FSB. I could just take this new idea and apply it to FSB, except I just don’t see how that would work. I have different worlds in mind, and this new one is a fantasy where FSB is sci-fi(/fantasy. It’s kinda both).

16/05/2021 07.07 I really wish I was a pantser. Even though I haven’t got to the editing stage, my favourite part of writing is implementing new ideas and making changes, but I’m just not a pantser. I need to know where each part is going. Instead, I have to sit here, brainstorming, for days, to figure everything out.

18/05/2021 07.06 I did a lot of work on the 16th, but I was busy yesterday, and didn’t get any writing done, because, when I was free, I was just reading. So, I’ve decided I’m going to at least write before I leave the house, which gives me about 45 minutes this morning. 

23/05/2021 18.30 Based on the fact it has been five days, I think you can tell how good I’ve been about keeping writing. The problem is that I don’t actually have much past a concept for my new project, so I’m trying to figure out how, precisely, I could merge the two projects. FSB is interesting, but doesn’t have a huge amount of depth, which adding the characters from the new project would absolutely do, while the new project is lacking plot, which FSB (at least the first book I’ve planned) does. So, I’m going to start a new Scrivener project, and consider how I can merge the two concepts while implementing both plots.

Is it too much? I have only two main characters in FSB, but five in the newer one, which gives me seven main characters, divided into three groups. And do I want to write a book with so many separate storylines? I know readers (myself included) always end up favouring one storyline over another, getting annoyed when certain POVs come up. I don’t know what to do.

I could keep the new project, but implement FSB? Hold up. New Project (NP) has two protagonists who could undergo a similar development to the protagonists of FSB... I had a plan for the male protagonist of FSB, his arc, which wouldn’t work for NP’s male protagonist, but would work perfectly for its female protagonist...

Tumblr’s glitching. It wouldn’t let me reblog a post earlier, and now it won’t let me save this draft. Please, no.

Okay, so I had to copy what I’d written for today, disconnect and reconnect to the Wi-Fi, then wait for my drafts to load to paste it. Going great!

21.00 So I didn’t get a huge amount done, because I caught up doing ~evening things~, but I at least have a plan going forward, which is an accomplishment

30/05/2021 09.29 I’ve spent the last couple weeks doing everything I can to avoid writing, but i now have an insane amount of free time, so I have no excuse. I want to use this time in a productive way, and, for me, that means writing.

03/06/2021 10.31 I swear to god, I’ve had ‘writing’ on my to-do list every single day, except not doing it is probably my own fault, because it’s been so far down on the list. Also, I’m doing a buddy read, but am also unfortunately descending into a reading slump, so even reading 50 pages takes me about 90 minutes--they’re not even long pages.

I actually went back onto my old Wattpad account earlier, where I found a load of old, unfinished stuff, but none of it was as bad as I thought it would be, and the ideas weren’t bad. I just really have no idea what it is I’m writing right now, and I hate trying to figure it out.

11.30 There are so many Ss in the word ‘assassin’ this is not okay.

This is actually going so well. I have two storylines in my head, a complex cast of characters, and I’m so looking forward to plotting this.

04/06/2021 08.04 Look at me, two days in a row. Anyways, I’m thinking I ought to name these characters ASAP, because it’ll be easier to shape them to their names than it will be to find a name which fits them once they’ve been shaped.

14.41 Here’s what I’m realising: I like to pants plots, but I can’t do that while I’m actually drafting, so I think my plan is actually to bullet point everything that happens, then revise that, then start drafting, so the story is basically set in the first draft.

I’ve actually gone through a lot of stuff--I have workable plot material!

17.16 So, me being me, I’ve semi-outlined (I say semi-, it’s more like a tenth) a trilogy, meaning I have ideas for three books following this storyline, and it... makes sense. It’s the kind of story where I can follow multiple arcs, a few at a time, instead of several overarching ones, or maybe it’s just that I’m letting myself.

07/06/2021 16.44 I don’t have a damn clue what I’ve spent the day doing. I haven’t done anything in a couple days because it was the weekend and I was busy, but I’m back now. The thing is, I haven’t spent the day reading, watching, drawing, or doing anything, really--it’s escaped me. But, at the very least, I’ve relaxed, so who cares?

I’m not applying story structure to the ideas I’m having quite yet--rather, I’m just developing them to see how they bloom on their own, then I’ll fit it in; it just seems like a more natural and effective way to develop.

Yeah, no. It’s too late in the day for this. I have zero motivation.

08/06/2021 09.49 Maybe I’ll accomplish something today; who knows? Certainly not me.

I’m now applying the 3-act structure, but I’m realising I have way too many details worked out for this--switching to more acts.

22.20 Why am I doing this to myself? I wish I could say I’m not entirely sure, but it’s because I can’t sleep, because this project, and my character Lihan, are the only things I can think about, so here I am. I don’t want to be a night writer, but que sera sera (I wish I could type accents on an English keyboard).

23.22 I accomplished more in the last hour on this project than I have in the last four days.

09/06/2021 - 1,115 words 09.29 I really hope I don’t prove today that night-writing is my sweet spot--I don’t want it to be. Can the world just let me have a functional sleep schedule??

Anyways, so, as I’ve mentioned before, I use Scrivener, which enables me to sort which documents are part of the manuscript from the ones that aren’t. I’ve been working outside of the manuscript, but I think I’m going to move them into it--I have a plan I believe will be more effective for my own drafting. I think I very much need the events to be set in stone before I begin writing in actual prose, so how can I do that? Especially when I also enjoy pantsing, but not in prose?

Here’s the plan: I plot out the main events, then bullet point everything in very high detail, similar to what many people call a zero draft, in which they draft a book in short form. I’ll sort the bullet points into chapters (but not scenes, because as I discovered with Bay Tree, I find scene-blocking makes the narrative less natural), leave it alone a while, then revise, so I can have my plot more-or-less set in stone before I work on prose.

As a result, I’m going to shift my plotting into the manuscript section, because it is, essentially, an early draft, and also I want a word count as a progress metre.

13/06/2021 - 1,611 words 8.18 Alas, I have been busy the last few days, but I’m here now.

9.20 The amount of secrets and who-knows-what in this story is genuinely absurd, but I’m sure I’ll clean it up eventually.

14.01 A few days ago, I came across a post about balancing large casts, which is exactly what I have, and the first thing it mentioned was the two-trait rule, in which every character has two traits completely unique to them, to help both reader and writer differentiate. Which I’m now going to implement.

14.42 I have these two characters, and I know exactly what I want their dynamic to be, except I can’t decide who should be which part of it.

I have made my decision. It probably works better now, but it does alter their roles, so I need to fix that.

I literally swapped them round solely because I decided one was taller than the other and thought it would be more interesting if the short one was the sadist. Why do I make my own life so difficult?

14/06/2021 - 1,574 words 11.08 I didn’t make an enormous amount of progress yesterday, but I did make some, and made notes of ideas for relationship arcs last night, so I count that a victory (forced optimism--surprisingly effective). I’m currently just working through bullet-pointing book one, while making notes of events I want in the rest of the series (I’m projecting three books, and telling myself I will finish them). I’m currently fiddling with one of my storylines to see how I can mould it to FSB’s and OH MY GOODNESS I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA must take notes, one moment pleaseeee.

Okay, so I have four bullet points for relationship arcs and an idea to adjust one of the storylines--I’d say I have six main characters, two of whom are really the protagonists, two of which are my favourites, and the other two are fun, but in need of development. They’re split into a group of four and a pair, and I’m definitely more into the storyline of the four, mostly because the four contains my two favourites, and it’s more developed than that of the pair.

I’ve been keeping a list of things to add: motivations, loose plot threads, plot points I want to include--I really need to re-organise it.

On another note, I am so glad I named the characters as early as I did. I’m debating having two of the characters swap names, but I don’t think I will, because I will absolutely mix them up, and one of them is part of the perfect ship name.

My mouse isn’t working. I changed the batteries, but it’s not working, so now I get the joy of trying to figure out if the batteries I put in are just old or if the mouse no longer works, which would suck.

Yes, I’m going to describe this. Mostly because when I changed the batteries the first time, it took a minute to stop working, and this will waste a minute. So, first set of batteries, which we’ll call set 1, don’t work. I don’t know if it’s both or just one, but if it’s one, I don’t want to throw away both. I take out set 1, I put in set 2. Set 2 works perfectly. So it’s not the mouse. Now I take out battery 2B, and replace it with 1A, so I have 1A and 2A in here. I know 2A works, but I’m not sure about 1A, but the mouse works, so 1A is fine. Let’s replace 1A with 1B.

Yep. 1B is the problem child. 1A works fine, but 1B doesn’t. Lovely. Crisis averted. It would’ve really sucked it I had to get a new mouse. And back to writing!

12.13 I’m bouncing between documents as I organise, which means my word count is actually decreasing, so I feel like I’m making significantly less progress than I am.

I just realised my two protagonists are cousins. I’ve had it in my head that one’s father was the brother of the other’s father, but somehow I didn’t realise that makes them cousins.

I’m about to delete a list because I’ve reformatted it--my word count is currently at 1,958, but is really about to drop.

AND NOW WE’RE AT 1,572. My session word count is -32. Minus thirty-two. I hate it here, but it’s fine, because we’re ~developing~.

15/06/2021 - 2,113 words 09.39 It’s not even technically summer yet, but it’s too hot, and I hate it here. All the windows are open, so everything’s cool, there’s a nice breeze, and lots of light, but the birds are so loud, and I have to keep all the doors closed because the open windows send them swaying and slamming. You know when you close a door when all the windows are open and it slams? Yep. Not into it. 

I feel like every day I try a new way to organise my plotting. I’m unsure as to whether that’s helping me or holding me back, because it forces me to review what I have, which usually sparks new ideas, but I’m not convinced I’ll ever get to the end as long as I keep doing this.

21/06/2021 13.40 I spent the latter half of last week with zero motivation, then I was busy at the weekend, but I’m here now. I’ve been trying to make myself write basically all day--I have a plan, and a list of things I’ve come up with the last few days, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I’m not in a good mood, but maybe this will help.

I have, however, just reminded myself that I need to prepare this week’s post, because I sincerely doubt either this or my ongoing Recent reads will be ready for Friday. Actually, if I do quite a bit of writing this week, this post might be, but I’m not willing to bet on it.

And oh, crap, now I just want to write a blog post.

No. No I don’t. I started looking at the list of ideas I had, and now I’m just not feeling it. I’m pretty sure when I open my document for this project I’ll lose all motivation too, but it’s worth a shot.

There’s a specific relationship in an anime I recently watched that I want to pull apart--there’s this ship, and the author of the manga has called the two characters ‘soulmates’. There’s just this huge amount of tension between the two, and I want to re-watch the show because I love it, but also so I can take notes to figure out what was so effective about it.

13.53 I’ve been doing this for 13 minutes, but I do think I need to leave this project/outline alone for a bit, give it an opportunity to ruminate, to evolve. In truth, I may not even come back to it until I’ve re-watched the anime I was talking about so I can tear that ship to pieces.

17.33 So I just learned brainstorming is apparently significantly easier on paper. Hm. I’ve just worked out so damn much, stuff I’ve been struggling with.

18.00 I have successfully tied up so many plot threads, simply by working with pen and paper. This is revolutionary. (I know, not really, but it is for me, someone adamant about working with a keyboard and monitor)

22/06/2021 09.42 Seriously, why did I never try actually working on paper before? Something about holding a pen to paper and scribbling and drawing a mindmap--it just works. I’ve been obstinate about avoiding working on paper because I hate physically writing, yet here we are.

25/06/2021 11.09 I’m really not managing much reading at the moment--since I started reading manga, my attention span has just gone down the drain. I’m currently reading Mister Impossible by Maggie Stiefvater, and I don’t think it helped that I had to stop less than a third of the way in to do a buddy read, but I just don’t have much motivation to read it, though I do so want to. I haven’t been listening much to audiobooks lately either, because when I’d usually listen--when I’m getting dressed, waking up, going to bed etc.--I just want to listen to music, because I also recently fell down the well of k-pop, and the group whose discography I’m getting to know at the moment is BTS. Basic, but they’re the fifth group I’m doing, and they have so many songs. Which would happen after eight years, but still.

I want to read so, so badly, but I just don’t feel like reading Mister Impossible. But I do want to finish it before reading anything else. I think I’ll finish my current audiobook, then if I’m still feeling stagnated in Mister Impossible, I’ll switch to the audiobook of that, then just take a break from reading until I’m ready to actually read. 

But this post is for writing, not reading. I did write on the 23rd, but I just didn’t update this post. The 24th I was busy, but my wall is now covered in post-it notes of world-building, characters, gods, plot points, and a whole load of other stuff.

Also, I had an idea for a book title this morning--not for this one, just in general--and when I went to add it to my list, I found a title that would so suit this project. I don’t want to say it, but let’s just say this project will be called ItLotG--or not. That’s a hideous combination of letters. I promise it is actually a good title.

11.52 I’m having another crisis over these two characters. I’m thinking it would make more sense to have L’s betrayal ‘arc’ initiated before the catalyst, or rather have it be the catalyst, except the problem there is that they’re not in the city they need to be in to receive that offer.

UNLESS,,,, what if this point happens just while they’re in the capital.... I’ve got it. 

17.16 I’ve been taking notes this whole time of everything I want to happen in books 2 and 3, and I have so much now i think they’ll be so much easier to plot than this one.

The downside of working mostly on paper is that my plans on Scrivener have been refined to one document, which is now only 878 words.

Right now, there’s a glaring hole between the midpoint and the ending, but my climax is one of those where the climax itself is a very small part of a bigger event, so if I figure out what I want to happen in this big event which is essentially the whole of the third act, I should be able to fill in the rest of Act Two with the setup for that.

So I’m leaving it there for both today and this post. In the last month or so, I decided to start over and mash two projects together, which created a whole new storyline I love, and now I’m mostly done with the first outline. I want to treat outlines as more than just preparation for drafts, because I find notes so much easier to edit than actual prose, and I hate writing without a clear idea of where I’m going. 

I think I’m going to call these ‘runs’--an outline is a run through, a draft a run through, so I’m nearly done with my first run, and I’m very proud of that, so go, go write the idea you have, drink some water, take a nap if you need one, eat if you haven’t eaten in a few hours, and I’ll be back with another writing update innnnnnn probably august, honestly.

Go write that idea!

#blog #blogging #blogger #blogpost #blog post #writing #books #book #reading #readerblr #bookblr #writer #write #writes #writerblr #author #authorblr #draft #first draft #story #stories #novel #novels #outline #outlining #plotter #plot #plotting #pantser #pantsing

[nekoannie-chan]

No reasons

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader.

Word count: 1693 words.

Summary: Steve had made you several promises, but he made a mistake, will you forgive him?

Warnings: None.

A/N: This is my entry to the @thefanficfaerie​ ‘s Heather’s life in song with the song prompt #11:

“Don’t speak” by No Doubt.

Song lyrics are in italics and bold.

Flashbacks are in italics.

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistake please let me know and I will correct it.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don’t steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other’s people. The only exception is the ones I gifted ‘cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and is not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Marvel’s characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.

If you like it please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog. 

 You and me, we used to be together Every day together, always I really feel that I'm losin' my best friend I can't believe this could be the end It looks as though you're lettin' go And if it's real, well, I don't want to know

 The tears didn’t stop running down your cheeks, you still refused to believe what was happening, all those promises now unfulfilled, all those dreams and plans were going to waste now.

If he had told the truth earlier, you would have understood and put your feelings aside, many things would have been avoided.

You didn't want to hear from Steve again in your life, you weren't the only one who thought the same thing, A simple selfish act had ruined many lives.

He had left not only you but also his best friend, what kind of person would do that?

Abandon his wife and his best friend without giving them any explanation, without caring about what they had lived together, or everything he had promised them.

"I'm with you to the end of the line" was nothing more than the vile lie with which he had deceived you, which you had long believed.

 Don't speak, I know just what you're sayin' So please stop explainin' Don't tell me 'cause it hurts Don't speak, I know what you're thinkin' I don't need your reasons Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

 "Y/N, please understand I must go," said Steve exasperated.

“Why you? Anyone else can do it, there are more team members besides you.

"It must be me," he insisted.

“Why? You haven't given me any good reason,” you claimed.

"I am the team leader."

“Which team? Steve, we don't have a team, you know that for the last seven years everything has been a disaster”.

You knew that something strange had happened in the time travel, you didn’t go with him, you went to Vormir.

After that fight, while Steve was bathing, you took his compass and opened it, when you discovered the contents you felt as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown at you, you had finally understood everything.

 Our memories, well, they can be inviting But some are altogether mighty frightening As we die, both you and I With my head in my hands, I sit and cry

 You saw the wedding photo, that day you thought was the happiest day of your life, currently, it was a memory that made you sad.

Now you understood Steve's insistence on not having children yet, he had always told you that you wanted you to enjoy your marriage a little more without those kinds of responsibilities.

“Y/N? “ Wanda knocked from the other side of the door

You wiped your tears away and looked up at the door quickly, every time you heard a noise nearby you couldn't help but maybe it was Steve.

"One moment," your voice trembled.

You got up and went to open the door to see what Wanda wanted.

"What happens?" You asked.

You hadn’t left your room in several days, Wanda was the one in charge of bringing you food, you didn’t speak to anyone and you were devastated.

"They need you in the boardroom," she said as soon as you opened the door.

You went to the place when entering as she had indicated, when entering, the rage invaded you.

"Y/N ..." Steve said when he saw you.

"I'm not going to be in the same place as him," you sentenced.

You turned around and almost collided with Bucky.

"Please, I need to talk to you," Steve asked.

"I have nothing to hear from you, unless it's to tell me you've already signed the divorce."

As soon as he told you what he was going to do you asked for the papers, you had suspicions, which were confirmed at the time he left, so you signed them.

 Don't speak, I know just what you're sayin' So please stop explainin' Don't tell me 'cause it hurts, no, no, no

You had met Steve on the first mission you had with the STRIKE team, it had been fun to see Steve and Rumlow fight because they couldn't agree”

Eventually, you and Steve became best friends, you spent a lot of time together and in all missions, they were a good team, one of the best that S.H.I.E.L.D. had.

You were afraid to confess your feelings to him and you thought that if you did Steve would walk away from you because he probably wouldn't reciprocate.

 Don't speak, I know what you're thinkin' And I don't need your reasons Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

It's all ending We gotta stop pretending Who we are

 "Are you going to deny the truth that you left for?"

"No, but I just went to the dance I promised her and came back."

Y/N and Bucky looked at each other, they knew Steve was lying, it had been much more than a dance.

"How many years were you there?” you asked.

"It was just the dance," he said, but his voice didn't sound confident.

���Do you really think you can fool us? We know you very well,” Bucky said.

"Ten years, but I couldn't stop thinking about you" he excused himself.

"You made a big mistake."

"You would have thought long before, Rogers, I don't want to crossword with you again if it's not for you to give me the signed document," you sentenced before leaving the place.

 You and me I can see us dyin' Aren't we?

 You had been sent on a mission at first it seemed disastrous, but in the end, you achieved the goal

They were in the facility that had indicated that it is fine as a shelter when finished before the extraction

“You’re ok? Did they hurt you? He asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, just a little tired and dirty," you replied.

"I think the shower works well."

“Are you suggesting we bathe together?

"N-no, it’s not what I meant, no...”

He was completely blushing, you had fun teasing him. You took a shower to clarify your ideas, it was the first time you felt nervous, and you had decided to confess your feelings.

"Hey, do you want dinner? I cook something," he said when he saw you.

You sat down to eat but it was difficult, your nerves increased.

"I like you," you finally confessed.

Steve saw you without saying anything, for a moment you thought that he would reject you or that he would leave, he got up, went to you and kissed you. 

"I like you, too," he said when you parted from the kiss.

 Don't speak, I know just what you're sayin' So please stop explainin' Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

"But Y/N I love you," said Steve.

"No, you never loved me, you just didn't want to be alone in this time, and all those words were lies."

“But you love me…”

You pressed your lips tightly, you had been holding back not to slap him or be close enough to him to convince you with his charms.

"I still love you, but I also hate you. None of this is easy, but I must worry about myself," you thought.

"Before all this yes, but now no more, you hurt me too much, you broke my heart, there is nothing that can remedy all this," you replied.

 No, no, don't speak, I know what you're thinkin' And I don't need your reasons Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

 Steve don’t waste telling you how much he loved you.

You knew that he sometimes visits Peggy, but you always thought it was out of nostalgia.

You always supported him, you didn't have much to lose so you stood by him in the Accords.

Bucky seemed a little suspicious, at first, he believed that you wanted to steal his best friend, but the three managed to form a great team.

He had even helped Steve with planning to propose to you.

 Don't tell me 'cause it hurts I know what you're sayin' So please stop explainin' Don't speak, don't speak

 1948

 Peggy threw herself into Steve's arms when she saw him at the door.

“How?”

“It is a long story”.

That night they danced for hours.

"I want you to stop being Captain America," Peggy demanded.

“What? I cannot”.

"If you love me, you will."

 Don't speak, no I know what you're thinkin' And I don't need your reasons I know you're good, I know you're good I know you're real good, oh

 1958

Steve was nervous, he would ask Peggy to marry, he had to admit that he missed his previous life, but it was something that she had asked him, he could not deny her anything.

He opened the door of the house, seemed to hear something, went to the room, the scene he saw left him frozen.

“Peggy!”

Peggy separated from the man she was in bed with.

“What are you doing here? You were supposed to be at work.

The woman covered her nakedness to go after Steve, who said nothing.

"It's not what it seems, Steve.”

“Do not? Are you going to deny that you were having sex with him?

She was trying to come up with some excuse.

"You know, I made a mistake I should never have come back, I should have stayed with my family," said Steve with deep sadness.

He left the house, he needed to go to the particles where he had stored them, he took out the box and found a separator that you had given him, a heart that you yourself made for him, you had scarred yourself by burning yourself when you emptied the material into the mold, in the center it had the inscription "I LOVE YOU" and on the another side of the date of that anniversary.

He would go back to you and Bucky and do whatever it took to forgive him, raise a family with you, and forget everything that had happened on that last trip, which had perhaps been the biggest mistake of his life.

 La, la, la, la La, la, la, la Don't, don't, ooh, ooh Hush, hush, darling Hush, hush, darling Hush, hush

 “He's going to see her, isn't he?” You asked Bucky.

After seeing the compass you had left the room in silence, in the courtyard you had met James.

"I don't know," he replied.

"Bucky is your best friend, please, I need to know that," you asked.

"Yes, he will, did he tell you?"

"He didn't want to give me any explanation, but all the signs seem to indicate it."

"What do you think about it?" Bucky questioned you.

“I would have preferred that we never would have gone out if I continued loving her, she always said that you and I were the most important thing, but this shows us that it is not true”.

The day he left you weren't there, you stayed in the room, erasing all the photos they had together, you wished it was so easy to erase all the memories and experiences they shared.

 Don't tell me 'cause it hurts Hush, hush, darling Hush, hush, darling Hush, hush

 2023

"Are you okay?" You asked Bucky.

"I'm not, but I will be, will you forgive him?"

"I can't, it's just difficult, we had made a promise but I think he didn't care in the end," you replied. "What will you do?"

"I still have to redeem myself for what I did."

"It wasn't your fault, you were under HYDRA's control," you said.

“Do you have any plans?”

"All my life I've been in this job, I guess I'll stay, but I don't plan to work with him, the less contact I have, and the better for me," you replied.

Steve had made a big mistake and he will do anything to fix it.

#heatherslifeinsong #Heater's life in song #thefanficfaerie #steve rogers #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fanfiction #steve x reader #steve x y/n #steve x you #marvel one shot #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #avengers fanfiction #avengers fic #captain america #captain america fic #captain america fanfiction #captain america one shot

[annacwrites]

an intro post

I’ve had this blog for what feels like forty-seven years but haven’t really put in much of an effort to make friends ‘round these parts, so... hello, everyone.

My name is Anna and I have been on this godforsaken hellsite for over ten years now (I am a tumblr old), but I’ve only been (rather poorly) trying my hand at this whole writeblr thing since mid-2016. Much like my past posts here, I am inconsistent as heck when it comes to actually writing/finishing anything, but such is life.

I got my intro to writing in any serious way thanks to Camp NaNoWriMo back in 2011, when I pantsed my way into finishing a whole fantasy novel that August. Since then, I’ve rewritten that fantasy novel, written some YA stuff, written a whole bunch of fanfiction, and also written a bunch of self-indulgent romantic nonsense (because the whole point of this thing is to have fun, right?). I have completed but a small fraction of those things, which is why one of my 2020 goals is to actually finish a writing project for once.

I am supposedly an adult (not sure who let that happen) and I have both a BA in anthropology and a BSBA in accounting, though I originally started as a fiction writing major before I concluded that majoring in writing was killing my desire to actually do it and figured out that I had way more fun talking about how and why we use language and assign meaning to things than I did going through assignments where I had to kill my darlings (tl;dr: I was a linguistic anthropology concentration in college and I hate editing my own writing). 

Long-term writing goals include the following: rewrite that first fantasy novel again (now that I feel even the slightest bit qualified to actually turn it into something good), rewrite/complete that YA series that I’ve been promising to my few Wattpad followers for like... eight years now, complete the fantasy novel that I’m currently working on in such a way where I actually feel even vaguely proud of it, finish all those WIP fanfics that have been sitting around forever, and maybe, just maybe, publish a book someday. Hitting two million NaNo-related words eventually would be pretty cool too (I hit one million in November of 2019).

Outside of writing, I quite enjoy reading (shocking, right?), especially fantasy and historical fiction. Tamora Pierce is my favorite author, though I quite adore His Dark Materials as well. I play four instruments (flute, guitar, piano, and ukulele), and I own a horse and have been riding for over fifteen years (so if anyone has questions about horse things, I’m not the worst person to ask and am happy to answer). I work in finance (after an almost two-year stint as an auditor at a public accounting firm, which absolutely stripped me of my creative energy and desire to write which I am only just rediscovering), but my pipe dream is that I can one day make a living writing books and retraining/selling off-track Thoroughbreds whilst living on a farm out in the middle of nowhere. We’ll see how that one winds up working out.

I can’t say exactly what I’ll be posting on this blog moving forward, but if I had to guess, it’ll probably be some combination of discussions about worldbuilding, my characters, plot points that I’m finding particularly annoying, and excerpts of whatever I’m working on. I can’t promise any consistency in the genre of my projects, so don’t count on that. My hope is that if I actually find people to talk to on this side of the internet, it’ll force me to be more consistent in both writing and posting on here, but I really have no idea what’s going to happen.

I don’t follow a ton of writeblrs but I’d like to change that, so shoot me a like/reblog/message/ask/whatever and I’ll check your blog out (this is a sideblog, so I follow as acreatureofhope). In the meantime, I’m going to force myself to stop working on the map for my aforementioned current fantasy project and go take a shower/get a cup of tea so I can finish reading Spinning Silver. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually complete my Goodreads challenge this year (maybe I’ll start posting those updates over here too, just to hold myself accountable. We shall see).

#writeblr #writeblr intro #writeblr introduction #writeblogging #writing blog #intro post

[wernerherzogs]

there it is, finally! the list of my favourite hl fics of All Time.

disclaimer: some of these i have read only once and forever ago, but i’ve got them saved in a folder, and i vaguely remember them Meaning something to me when i read them, but basically -- if you read something from this list and end up not enjoying it, sorry not sorry! i operate on nostalgia sometimes, it’s possible i wouldn’t be that into some of them now, too, but whatevs!

i made myself stick to one work per author, otherwise this would be endless, but if an author’s nickname is bolded, it means i’ve had the time to read all of their works, and recommend them all.

i’m fairly certain i’m forgetting stuff (especially those stories that i’ve never saved/bookmarked), so i’ll try to keep this updated fairly regularly -- whenever i remember an old fave, or fall in love with something new. i’ll make sure to reblog this post then.

the order is completely random. this is a list where every work carries equal significance, even if not always for the same reasons. it was supposed to be alphabetical, but turns out i’m far too lazy for that. (shocker.) i took the liberty of shortening some of the original summaries, because this post is going to be Too Long anyway. rip.

enjoy! hopefully.

***

blackjacks running down my back | sequel by dangerbears (+ lj) (~10,000) 

AU. university stuff. best friend stuff. music stuff. sappy stuff.

try to not remember (rather than forget) by hereforlou (59,602)

He hadn’t left, but that’s what it had felt like most of the time. Just as if one day Harry had up and left him.

(Or, the one where Harry wakes up.)

Like Real People Do by moodlighting (58,469)

Harry is Louis' soulmate but Louis isn't Harry's - it takes Harry a while to figure it all out.

a prayer for which no words exist by Eliane (34,313)

Louis is a few seconds away from blowing up a rather important section of the New York subway when he sees Harry for the first time.

Who Painted the Moon Black by throughthedark (requires an ao3 account) (95,697)

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don't know. It just does.”

hold on to your stars before they fade by adelagia (31,740)

The first time they meet, it is sunrise, and Harry is naked.

(Or, the one where Harry is a lost fairy, and Louis takes him in.)

Lambing Season by HelloAmHere (24,544)

“Shut up,” Louis says, an involuntary grin tugging at his mouth. It’s not every boy who will stand in the middle of a cold barn in a suit and play musician trivia. “I’m Louis.”

//lambing season brings sleep deprivation, noisy alarms, cold barns, demanding animals, and warm strangers.

Wild And Unruly by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews (123,655)

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

Walk That Mile by purpledaisy (149,570)

A Route 66 AU where falling in love was never part of the plan.

the dead things we carry by MediaWhore (25,316)

“Oh,” Mrs. Padley says, clearly taken aback. “You two know each other?”

There are some things people never fully come home from. Until, one day, if they’re lucky, home comes to them.

i believe him when he tells of loving me by bitterlee (28,894)

louis doesn't remember harry. harry takes him home.

Come Along With Me by darkofthenights (28,032) (requires an ao3 account)

An AU where Harry is a magician and Louis doesn't believe in such a thing.

Dust Off My Wings by eravain (19,882) (+ download)

AU where the boys are cottage neighbours, Louis develops an obsession with the mysterious boy next door, and the end of summer is really just the start of everything else.

Boys of Summer by sharktoothedfawnskinned (49,545)

What he wants is for this to be a forever thing, not someplace Harry spent the summer once.  What he wants is for this to be more than a memory.

(New Jersey beach town AU.)

ever ever after by hattalove (22,645)

“Happily ever after, huh?” he can’t help asking, in a voice that’s softer than he’d like. Harry seems to sense the fragility of the moment. He settles down, containing the excited flailing of his hands, and mirrors Louis’s position. “Of course,” he says. “Don’t you have those here?” Louis bites his lip. “M’ afraid not. It doesn’t really work out that way for most people.”

or, an enchanted AU. sort of.

heroes of the orange skies by queenmcgonagall (30,656)

Louis likes bathroom walls and Sharpies, Harry likes metal, Zayn likes Liam and Liam likes Zayn, Niall is wise, and they all go to the zoo.

Empty Skies by green_feelings (134,048)

For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream -- making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him.

Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He's still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain?

nocturne in silver and blue by tinyweirdloves (97,594)

louis is a fallen star and harry brings him home. told over the course of fourteen years.

life does not go backward, nor does it tarry in yesterday by bottomlinsons (4568)

Louis and Harry are Knights of the Round Table and Camelot has a dragon problem. (Arthurian AU)

In This Light by exhilarated (99,234)

Harry is a wardrobe stylist who likes to live in the moment, and Louis is a popstar who looks dreamy in double breasted jackets. Harry never stood a chance.

our little corner of the world by brownheadedstranger (29,913)

AU. Louis is stuck in his mom's diner for the summer. Harry is the line cook with a pickup truck.

Every Arrow That I Aim Is True by estrella30 (24,890)

Louis doesn’t say anything again so Harry whispers, “Just stay here with me for a while, yeah? I’ll take care of you.”

Louis is quiet. He never picks his head up, but Harry can see the pillow move from where he’s nodding and his fingers tighten around Harry’s. “Yeah,” Louis says. “Yeah, all right.”

i'm not calling you a liar (just don't lie to me) by hazmesentir (33625) (requires an ao3 account)

Louis can't stop lying. Harry runs a farm. Somehow, he squeezes the truth out of him.

An Eternal Enigma by goldenquill (67,478) (+ download)

Louis is a reluctant king with a head full of fairy tales, and Harry is an emotionally challenged musical prodigy. Zayn is a hopelessly romantic painter, Liam is the castle’s resident ghost with sporadic amnesia, and Niall is the accidental head of the kingdom’s most prevalent spy ring. Very loosely based on the lives of Ludwig II of Bavaria and Richard Wagner.

all my love was down in a frozen ground by navigator (16,033)

Louis goes to the woods.

AU very loosely inspired by the creation of Bon Iver's first record.

walk my days on a wire by sunshiner (38,586)

“We’re here because we have inventive managers,” Louis says, giving Harry’s leg a little nudge with his knee, but all that’s going around in his head is, I think I'd be in the same spot in every possible universe.

or, when actor Louis Tomlinson used to daydream about dating Harry Styles, this is not what he had in mind.

take my hand (and my heart and soul) by bananasandboots (45,623)

"I – yeah. Hi," Louis finally answers, slowly, awkwardly. "I um. Sorry. I heard about your accident. You're alright?"

Or, the one where Harry hasn't spoken to his best friend in sixteen months and can't remember why.

These Inconvenient Fireworks by wontsitstill (190,000) (+ download)

Future AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one another eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

things have gotten closer to the sun by starseas (49,276)

when a solar flare is announced to end the world in twelve days, harry reunites with the people that he used to know better than the back of his own hand.

Harry Styles Cooks... by sunsetmog (ongoing)

In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker.

Or: Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.

101 Uses For Dragon Eggs by colazitron (42,249)

Louis just got back from a three week assignment yesterday and today was only supposed to be paperwork he needs to do to finish that up, before he was going to leave early and enjoy the weekend. And then Zayn, the traitor, emailed him about a bloke who was rumoured to have found a dragon egg and apparently live tweeting the whole thing.

Don't Want Shelter by FullOnLarrie (ongoing)

Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago…

When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families' old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own.

Escapade by dolce_piccante (requires an ao3 account) (146,241) (+ download)

In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He's rich. He's handsome. He's reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

Whether Clouds or Clear Skies by onewasturning (25,861)

“Harry,” Louis says, “last night I had an experience bordering on profound.”

“You’re making it sound like you did something sexual with my muffin,” Harry says.

Or, Louis gets into the habit of stealing baked goods while Harry’s busy keeping tabs on the weather.

the dead of july by whimsicule (117,446)

Being an Avenger means continuing to be Captain America and smiling and being honorable for the public and Harry does his best. But it doesn’t give him time to figure out who he is supposed to be once he takes off his uniform and puts the shield to the side. Just being Harry had always involved Louis, and Harry fears he doesn’t know how to exist without him.

or: Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

In the Clear by aclosetlarryshipper (80,751)

After Princess Gemma and her fiance Niall are captured by the witch from across the land, Harry and Louis are forced on a journey together to save them.

Featuring Lumberjack Liam, Magical Zayn, unsolicited tattoos, and untangling the past.

Also known as The Larrietale.

a house built out of stone by robpatFF (22,486)

Louis has a used bookshop and Harry has a habit of claiming things that don't belong to him.

out of the blue corner by fallingaway (85,422)

Louis is a boxer banned because of doping. Harry is a journalist following the story.

with your love we could breathe underwater by luminescents (28,542)

Harry’s brow furrows, a look of confusion spreading over his face. “But I am real. I exist, see,” he says, raising a hand out of the water and wiggling his fingers at Louis.

AU where Harry is a mermaid, Louis is a human, and they both discover a lot more than they anticipated.

dancing in the dark by clairdeloune (74,709)

Harry comes out and it brings more than he's expected.

Untangle Me by suicxne (103,000) (requires an ao3 account)

Or the one where Harry and Louis finally get it right.

California Sold by isthatyoularry (123,536)

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

you came into my life by disgruntledkittenface (57,180)

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

like cabbages and kings by you_explode (60,875)

When Louis was a kid, he had a series of very vivid dreams about a place called Wonderland.

Loyal Knight and True by rainbowninja167 (51,569)

Oh, Harry thinks, mouth open on a silent gasp. This is how it happens.

In contemporary Oxford, Harry Styles and Niall Horan run a magical bookshop, unbowed by an entire academic establishment that insists magic doesn't even exist.

for now (and forever) by orphan_account (sadly can’t remember the actual author) (83,283)

"Listen to yourself," Harry laughs, shaking Louis' shoulders. "Don't you think it's a bit weird to con the country you're supposed to be serving?"

Louis is going into the Army, Harry is going nowhere, and there's nothing like a little identity fraud between friends.

Say You'll Remember by whisperdlullaby (93,521)

au. louis and harry are best mates that are only half aware that they're also soulmates. alternatively, louis goes to university and harry travels the world, and they always manage to find their way back to each other.

takes place over nine years, in which they love and hurt, make mistakes and learn, and above all, grow.

Faking It by TheCellarDoor (46,173)

A uni AU in which Louis has been Harry’s best friend since he offered him cubed fruit on the playground, and they spend more time cuddling in their dorm beds than they do apart, but it’s not like that. Or is it?

Battle Cry by Velvetoscar (21,377)

Harry's got a heart, a soul, and a band. And with that, obviously, comes a future paved in great success, right? So all he has to do is win the Battle of the Bands, right? Simple.

What's not so simple is the fact that Louis Tomlinson is his biggest competition. And also happens to be made of everything that Harry's ever wanted.

Take Me Where I Cannot Stand by LoadedGunn (13,988)

Harry can agree that being husbands in space presents some challenges. Sometimes they have to escape mindless cannibals, sometimes they're being held hostage, sometimes Louis doesn't want Harry to get pregnant, and sometimes someone slips on a banana peel. But that's all part of the fun, isn't it? They could have been juggling geese.

(Firefly AU where Harry and Louis are co-pilots in life.)

Just Me, You, And This Box of Matches by tomlinsunshine (87,020) (requires an ao3 account)

Louis is fairly sure that his new neighbour is going to destroy him. And also their apartment building, and the dumpsters outside, and all the forests within a thirty mile radius. But. Mostly him.

you're an egg if im an egg by giraffesaretall (1252)

au where one direction are eggs.

#SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS #fic #fic rec #top fics #i know no one rly expected me to do it by this point #so that's exactly why i did it lmao #:) #pretty sure i've recced 80% of these before so like #sorry for the disappointment #also ik i'm missing a lot #but i just spent a few hours on this so #have this as a start i guess #now excuse me when i go pass the fuck out #also i'm sure the app will mess up the formatting so #sorry about that! #long post #(also some faves got deleted and i didn't find them in #my folder. sad times. :( )

[innaminitus]

You’re my drug

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warning: language, smut

Word count: 1676

Request:   can i request a mobboss!bucky x reader oneshot where they are the 2 most feared mob bosses of brooklyn, and they finally meet, but they are best friends so they kept their identity from each other so when they meet, they are slightly surprised. a smutty fic. :) from @sebbybarrnes

A/N: That was an old request, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it and decided to finally write it. Tumblr is like, hating me again??? I can’t add tags to yet another bucky imagine bc it’s not showing my work on search results!!! big hate!!

Please reblog if you can, help me spread my work since this wonderful website isn’t allowing me to add more than one tag, thank you and big love to all of you <3

Y/N POV

You walked to your room, searching everywhere for that icy-blue faux fur you just had to wear that night. You were supposed to be at the venue you owned, but you couldn’t come without looking properly and even though your boyfriend hated that fur, it was the best one to hide a gun.

“Buckyyyy!” You squirmed, diving through a pile of clothes on the armchair. “Have you seen my blue fur?”

“The one that looks like you’ve skinned Sullivan from Monsters, Inc.?”

You rolled your eyes and kept searching.

“Yeah, that would be the one.”

“No, I haven’t seen it.”

Of course not.

Finally when you decided to wear something else and hid the guns in a leather jacket, you found the fur hanging peacefully near your front door. You turned to see Bucky, who was watching Friends with his legs on the coffee table.

“So you haven’t seen it?” You asked, raising your eyebrow and holding a fur with disbelief on your face.

He looked at you and then sighed.

“You better be grateful I didn’t throw it away like I wanted.”

You rolled your eyes and quickly swapped the jackets, making sure Bucky didn’t see you when you were putting the guns in secret pockets sewed into your fur.

He didn’t know everything about your job and it was in your best interest to keep it that way. It wasn’t safe for him to know. The less you know, the better you sleep, that was what your mother said and she was right. If he knew who you were, you’d have to put him in the picture and that would be extremely dangerous; for not every girlfriend is also a Mob boss.  

You inherited it after your father died and took his place as the only person who knew the organization inside out. You lived off loans and “protection”, but covered most of your expenses were covered by the income from your club. The venue was also a blind; in the accounting books you could sometimes add extra income in case you had to hide extra cash you earned.

Lately your new problem showed up; when you started selling soft drugs, a Mob similar to yours was displeased. They didn’t want any drugs in their part of the town and you were supposed to meet with their boss that night to talk everything through. You were hoping you would come out with a peaceful solution, mostly because the meeting was to take place in your venue and you didn’t want to ruin the place’s reputation with gunshots.

You parked your orange 1964 Mustang at the back of the club and walked in. The place was loud, filled with people already, even though it was still quite early.

You waved at the bartender and DJ, and walked up to VIP zone. Your associates were already there, drinking your best whisky, dressed in white shirts and gridded with leather belts which held the guns and knives. You greeted them with a nod and sat on your armchair. Waitress brought you your favorite drink which name you didn’t bother to remember, but it was pink, glittery and awfully sweet. You loved it.

“At what time were we supposed to meet?” You asked and took a sip. You were sure you were going to be late, but it looked like it were your guests who were not prompt.

“At nine o’clock,” A men on your right said. “Quite disrespectful of them to be that late.”

You checked time on your phone. He was right, they were running half an hour late.

“Well, if they don’t care about my time, I won’t care about granting peace.”

Bucky’s POV

 When you finally got out, he could stop watching that ridiculous show and get properly dressed. He was supposed to meet another Mob boss that night and he sure as hell didn’t want to show up wearing a Batman t-shirt.

A few months ago his people found out that someone was selling drugs in his district and it took him a long time to find out who was at the top of that complicated net, but eventually he was able to contact one of the most important people in that Mob. He was against drugs in any way possible, but he didn’t want to start a war because of it. He set up a meeting with a boss to find out a peaceful solution to that problem and was hoping it would be manageable.

He still didn’t know where he would meet with the boss, but his men were supposed to determine that and let him know. It looked like that person was much undecided and it was reminding him of someone, but he didn’t really know who.

At least before he received a text.

With a location of a club he knew so well.

Y/N POV

You were just supposed to get up, when you heard footsteps on the stairs leading to VIP section. You rolled your eyes and made yourself more comfortable on the cushions.

“I must say, I am not-“ You didn’t finish. A smile crawled on your face when you saw Bucky walking up to you and you got up. You thought it was the Mob boss you were waiting for, but it looked like they decided not to show up. You made sure none of the guns were showing when you closed the distance between you and Bucky and softly kissed his lips. He didn’t kiss you back. “Is something wrong, babe?” You asked, searching his face for any sign of affection.

“With exception of that fur?” He raised his eyebrow and you couldn’t help but smile.

“I’m quite busy now, I’m waiting for someone… Just boring business stuff.” You put your hands on his chest and straightened some folds. “Why don’t you go downstairs and I’ll join you when I’m done? The drinks are on the house.” You kissed him softly and this time he kissed you back.

“Great offer,” he murmured in your lips “and I’ll gladly take it after you tell me why you are selling drugs in my district.”

You froze in place before you stiffly took a step back.

It wasn’t possible.

He couldn’t be.

You rubbed your lips and looked at him again. He was angry. Furious even.

“Boys, leave us” you ordered without looking at your people.

“But, Y/N-“

“Leave!”

They quickly got up and left without any other word.

You heavily sat down on your chair and took out your guns, then put them on the table. They were pinching you and you couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked quietly before he sat down next on the armchair next to you.

“Why didn’t you?” You smirked and took another sip of the pink drink.

“To protect you.”

“There’s your answer.”

He sighed and slipped down the chair, kneeling next to you.

“You don’t ever, never need to protect me. I can take care of myself, love.”

You rolled your eyes, but eventually nodded. He was right.

“You’re actually quite hotter now…” He murmured, pressing his lips on your naked knee. “Isn’t that… exciting?” He continued to leave kisses up your thigh. “We should be enemies, hate each other… Not have a romance.”

“A romance? Is that what you call a five year relationship?” You tried to laugh, but his lips kept moving higher.

“Oh, come on, let’s play.” He rolled your skirt up a bit.

“Someone will hear us…”

“Then be quiet.”

His tongue was on your inner thigh, licking a hickey he left there just a few days ago.

“Bucky…”

“Shhh.”

He traced the path his lips made with his cold, metal fingers and softly stroked your skin, finding a way to your laced panties. You couldn’t help but sigh when he touched your womanhood through them, teasing you to the point of losing your mind. He lazily rubbed your clit and kissed your thighs, you curled your toes at the feeling. You had to bit your lip to not make a sound, for even the quietest scream would alarm your men. And, boy, you didn’t want them to interrupt you.

Bucky’s POV

A sight of your wet, laced panties made him horny as fuck, but he wanted to make it all about you. He would never think that he would be so aroused at the thought of you being a Mob boss, but here he was, kneeling before you, about to feast.

A wet stain on the material of your panties was growing bigger, your soft sighs told him you were close to reaching your top. He hooked his fingers on the lace and slowly took them off. He smiled when you spread your thighs and without hesitation pressed his lips onto your wet pussy, leaving a hot kiss. His tongue fell in between your folds, collecting that delicious juice and making you squirm silently before you covered your mouth with a hand.

He smirked and begun to lick you thoroughly, your legs were shaking and he groaned at the taste of you, spilling on his tongue, sending vibrations through your core. Your hand fell on his hair and fingers got lost in dark locks.

A tip of his tongue slipped inside of you, soft walls clenched around it, making it harder to move, but he managed to do it anyway. A second later his tongue was swapped by his fingers, his lips closed on your clit, sucking it and making you squirm.

He curled his fingers a bit, searching for that rough surface inside and stroked it lightly. The tongue on your clit was constantly moving, the hand in his hair pressed his face even closer to your pussy, and your thighs were shaking simultaneously when a moan escaped your covered lips. He kept moving, even faster and rougher now, eating you through your orgasm.

When you stopped shaking and started breathing heavily, he moved away and smirked at you.

“So how will it be with these drugs?”

#bucky x reader

[nerdy-bookworm-1998]

Heart of the Ocean part 9

Pairing: Mer!Bucky Barnes x Reader x Selkie!Steve Rogers Words: 762 Warnings: Blood, violence, cliffhanger A/N: If you want to be tagged in future chapters/works, feel free to send me an ask. Please leave feedback/reblogs. If you liked this please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Patreon, links are available in my bio.

Y/N has no idea how long it's been since she had seen the helicopter on the horizon since they had abducted her from Steve and Bucky. Oh my gosh, Steve and Bucky be so worried about her! Her train of thought is cut short as the bite of metal hits her cheek once more, and the metallic taste of blood fills her mouth.

Spitting out the blood, she glares as best she can at the hulking man in front of her. "Is that all you've got?" she bites out venomously. The only answer she receives is a matching blow to the opposite cheek.

"That's enough," the man from earlier steps into the room. "Hello miss L/N, my name is Alexander Pierce. I believe that you knew my associate, mister Rumlow. He told me a great deal about your work, so I'm hoping that you can help me. You see, I'm looking for a very rare species of fish. One that most people believe are merely myths and legends, but I know differently. You see what makes this particular breed so interesting is that from the waist up they look almost completely human, yet from the waist below, they resemble fish. Fascinating creatures, truly fascinating. Especially when one takes into account how they manage to breathe both above and below water. So you see miss l/n, it would be of the highest value to the scientific community if we would be able to study these creatures in a controlled environment, see what makes them tick. Will you help me bring this gift to the world, or must I ask mister Rollins here to convince you further?" Pierce finishes his speech with what he probably thinks is a winning smile but only makes y/n's skin crawl.

She tilts her head as if considering his offer then smiles. "Go. To. Hell."

Pierce sighs, shaking his head as if she had disappointed him. "Very well then, I suppose we'll have to do this the hard way," he says before walking out while Rollins gets a nasty grin on his features, reaching for one of the knives that lay untouched on the counter behind him.

After several attempts to calm both himself and Steve down, Bucky finally has a moment of clarity where he uses his fine-tuned hearing to search beyond the horizon for any sounds that are out of place. It's not as good as it is in the water, but it's good enough for now. Eventually, he picks up the faintest sounds of beating hearts, human beating hearts.

"Steve!" he yells to get the blond's attention who had been breathing heavily as he tried to ward off the panic settling into his heart. At the sound of his mate's voice Steve's head jerks up so fast he almost got whiplash. "I think I've found her."

"What? Where?" Steve asks, looking around to see if he could spot whatever had made Bucky say that.

"It's faint, but I can hear multiple human heartbeats. That means she was taken from us," Bucky's jaw clenches furiously at the mere thought of someone harming their sweet girl.

"Then we have to get her back! Come on!" Steve makes to slide back into the water but Bucky's hand on his chest stops him.

"Hang on, we have to be smart about this. As much as I want to go charging in, teeth bared, we can't risk whoever took her getting the upper hand. I'd never be able to live with myself if either of you got hurt. So here is what we are going to do." After explaining his plan to Steve, they both take off through the water, Bucky holding on tightly to Steve's hand and pulling him along since he was the faster swimmer.

Once they reach the yacht and pull themselves onto it, both take a moment to change forms. Now with them on two legs they slowly make their way through the yacht, Bucky in the lead and Steve covering his back. The only person they encounter on the upper levels is an older man, standing at the front with a glass in his hand. Bucky quickly snaps his neck and throws him overboard before they slowly make their way below deck.

As they approach the door to the lower decks, the smell of blood grows stronger, settling uncomfortably in their stomachs and making bile rise in their throats. Just as Bucky's hand touches the handle there is a loud gunshot from just beyond the door and the unmistakable thud of a body hitting the floor.

Tags:

@mcdesij @spiderrrling @arrow-guy @interestedbystanderwrites @murdocksmartinis @here2have-fun @gwendelerynan @bvckys-doll @bookscoffeeandracoons @bambamwolf87 @loricameback @rockrchick51 @love-nakamura @baebeepeach @timelordy-fangirl2 @jewelofwinter @caramell0w @jewels2876 @ladysergeantbarnes @notawritergettingtherethough @patzammit @fanfictionjunkie1112 @lumar014 @kirsty-evans-writes-deactivated @robertdowneyhiddleston @lil-lex1 @dragonrosegardens @bookgirlunicorn @farfromshawn @shadymidge

#marvel #avengers #mer au #selkie au #soulmate au #mer!bucky barnes #selkie!steve rogers #bucky barnes x steve rogers #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader x steve rogers #violence #blood #cliffhanger

[courtingstars]

Another Personal Update

Hi, friends! As a lot of you know, I hesitate to post stuff like this, since I’m pretty shy when it comes to my personal life. But I want to try to get into the habit of blogging more often—both to hold myself more accountable for my anxiety issues, and to give any friends/followers/readers out there a chance to know how things are going with me.

On that note, I should mention that I finally finished updating my layout and my About page! I’m planning to reblog stuff again, so I made a list of some tags that might pop up, in case anyone wants to filter them. I’ll be tagging posts like this as #personal (or possibly #update if it’s more general/blog related).

I also want to say a huge thank you to everyone who’s been leaving kudos and comments on my fics, especially the new chapter of The Vanishing Prince. <3 I know I say this a lot, but it means so much to hear from you, and I’m always amazed (and flustered, haha) by your kind words and insights. I’m also unbelievably honored to hear that some of you have visited/are planning to visit some of the places in the series?!?! I haven’t been able to visit all of them myself, and I really want to, so I’m jealous—but at the same time that’s the coolest compliment in the UNIVERSE, and basically my life is complete now. XD

(I really hope I can go back to Kyoto again someday soon… If I do, I’ll definitely blog about it!)

I also wanted to say thank you to those of you who hoped that I was taking care of myself. I appreciate that so, so much. <3 The last month has been difficult for me, and it’s kind of a long story… I’ll keep it as short as possible, but I’ll also put it under a cut, for people who don’t want to hear about a death in the family and/or anxiety struggles.

(CW: Mentions of severe anxiety and panic attacks.)

The short-ish version is that my uncle’s wife passed away last year from cancer, and the experience was unusually rough on my family, for a lot of reasons I won’t go into here. (It doesn’t help that most of my relatives have chronic depression and/or anxiety, and don’t know how to manage it, or take good care of themselves in general... Which became more and more of an issue during everything that happened, unfortunately.) Then last month, my uncle suddenly passed away as well. It was extremely unexpected, and brought up a lot of grief and regret for all of us. It also affected me in a few ways I didn’t expect.

It was pretty humbling, to have to face some my anxiety issues around health problems and death. I mean, there’s just no chill or dignified way to say, “I had a series of escalating panic attacks that eventually landed me in the emergency room”? But, yeah... That did happen, after I had been trying my best to keep it together. //laughs (It’s honestly not as bad as it sounds, since the visit was advised by my doctor as a precaution… But I still thought wow, that’s some pretty legit anxiety, if it was bad enough to mimic a heart issue. ^^;)

So I’ve been trying to take care of myself as much as possible, and relax when I can. I’m also being proactive in continuing to work on my mental health. All things considered, I was able to handle everything that happened a lot better than I would have a few years ago… I’m very grateful that I’ve been able to learn how to quickly identify when I’m struggling, and take practical steps to feel better. (That sounds so basic, but it honestly does take a lot of work to learn—or at least it has for me.)

So thank you all for your kindness and your patience, as I continue to work on this stuff. It’s been a long few years, and I don’t know when the family problems will get any easier, or what progress I’ll make in terms of my mental health... I’m much more conscious of my anxiety issues now, and the thoughts and habits that tend to fuel them, which is good. But trying to break those patterns still feels like a painfully slow process sometimes.

In any case, I’m extremely grateful to have heard from so many amazing, understanding people, both here and on Ao3. <3 My replies have still been really slow, unfortunately, since my to-do list keeps piling up. But I think about all of the awesome people I’ve met here all the time. I hope you’re doing well. And I definitely plan to stick around, and keep sharing stories with anyone who feels like reading them. <3

#personal #cw: anxiety #cw: panic attacks #personal update #text post #so much love to you all <3<3<3 #and thank you again for the well wishes #they're very much appreciated #and I'm okay so please don't worry <3 #I just felt like it was important for me to open up about what's going on #<3<3<3 #long post #cw: death

[senioritis2024]

The Pub

(Y/n)'s POV

"Come on, you have to come with me. I'll be bored without you and you need a break." You begged.

"You know I can't, besides, if I don't get my work done then I won't finish it before my deadline" She argued.

You couldn't believe it, your friend was freaking out about a project that had a deadline... IN 3 WEEKS. She was always super crazy about getting her work done but this was getting a little irritating and out of hand.

"(Y/b/f/n/n), you need to stop. It's not due for 3 weeks and you will get it done. I can bet you $50 that you will get it done before next weekend if you come and do this with me."

"What if I don't want to risk it? You know I will end up only thinking about work and I won't be any fun. Then you won't get to enjoy your night out."

"I don't care if you end up only thinking about work, as long as you go I will have fun. Now, no more arguing, we need to get dressed and you need to do our makeup. I would do it but it won't be nearly as good as if you do it." You said as you stood up from your bed and walked towards your closet.

"(Y/n)...." (Y/b/f/n) said, dragging out your name just to be dramatic.

You ignored her as you continued looking in your closet for something to wear tonight.

"Even if I go, which I haven't decided yet, I have nothing to wear and I am not wearing pajamas."

"No duh," You said as you walked out with a couple options for both you and (Y/b/f/n). "I refuse to let you look like a bum. Plus, I have a couple dresses that you could wear."

"Nuh-uh. I am not going to wear any of your clothes, I wouldn't be comfortable showing that much skin."

You had to bite your tongue to keep from calling your best friend out and saying she dresses like an old lady. You just felt a little more comfortable with your body than she does and so you would wear SLIGHTLY more revealing clothes than she would.

"(Y/b/f/n), I would never make you wear something slutty, but if you feel uncomfortable with what I pick out you can take one of my tank tops and wear it underneath. Okay?"

"Fine, but you seriously owe me big time."

"I'm fine with that. Now please pick something out while I get dressed." You said as you walked to your bathroom that was across the hall.

(Y/b/f/n)'s POV

Each dress was a little, and by a little I mean A LOT, out of my comfort zone. But I already gave into (Y/n) and I don't feel like being lectured again. I decided to look at the dresses, figuring that I could give them a chance. Each dress was stunning. The silver dress was a little low cut but it had sequins all over it that sparkled brightly in the light. The Navy dress was higher cut but a little shorter, however it was made of breathable fabric and happened to be my favorite color. The red dress was a satin fabric and cut a little lower than the blue but hugged my body in just the right places. I didn't want to admit it, but I loved the way this dress looked on me. I walk over to (Y/n)'s mirror and look at myself. Honestly, I actually look kinda cute and I wouldn't mind being seen in this dress.

"You look absolutely beautiful (Y/b/f/n/n)."

You jumped and turned around at your friend's comment as she walked in, wearing a gold, velvet dress and heels.

"You need to learn to knock. What if I was naked?"

"Two things; 1) You weren't and 2) This is my room. I have the right to barge in."

"Whatever." You said with a smirk as you turned back around to admire how you looked.

"Is that what you are wearing? Because if not you're going crazy."

"Yeah, I'll wear this. Do you have any shoes I can borrow?"

"Sure," Your friend said as she walked back into her closet, reappearing in seconds with a pair of gold, strappy sandals in her hands. "I know you can't walk in heels let alone be able to dance with me, so here."

"Thanks, how much time do we have until we have to leave?"

"About an hour, I figure it'll give you time to do our makeup and then we can leave. We should have enough time to get drinks before the band starts. Hopefully I can catch the drummer's eye tonight, maybe I can even take-"

"(Y/n), I love you but I don't think I wanna know all that." You say with a giggle.

"Okay, suit yourself," She said as she walked over to her vanity. "Just don't ask to be my maid-of-honor at the wedding."

You just ignored her last comment as you began folding your clothes from the day, putting them on (Y/n)'s dresser. While you did that, (Y/n) began putting on foundation and concealer.

"What do you want me to do for your makeup. Are we thinking a cut crease? Smoky? Solid? Glitter?" You asked, even though you knew she wouldn't care.

"I'm thinking maybe a Smoky eye look. But as long as you can do what you do best and make me look good, I don't care."

"Alright, head back," you said as you grabbed one of her makeup brushes and began coating it with a light brown eyeshadow. "Do you plan on telling me anything about this drummer yet or do I have to hear about it after your wedding?"

"Don't be silly. Even if I ever got mad at you, you will always be my maid-of-honor. Now, the real tea. He is the drummer of Smile, tall, blonde, muscular, and a certified player. Don't get me wrong, I know that he doesn't really have a good reputation but-"

You couldn't pay attention after then first few sentences, you got lost in thought about what you were going to do about your assignment from work. But you couldn't play it off too well because in seconds you hear,

"EARTH TO (Y/b/f/n)!!! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Don't even think about lying to me, woman. I know you inside and out and it's obvious that something is bugging you. What's wrong?" The mother-figure in your friend came out and you couldn't help but sigh at how true her last statement was.

"Fine....I can't stop thinking about work and what's going to happen if I don't get this project done in time. What if I forget about it tonight and get fired for not doing it? What if I-"

"You better stop right there. Back it up. Come back to reality. We just had this conversation honey. You are going to be fine. It's not like I'm asking you to give up on work forever, I am only asking you to hang out with me for tonight. I promise you that you will get it done."

"Okay," You say with a sigh. "You know, I hate when you're right."

"So you hate me all the time?" She asked.

"Obviously"

She gasped dramaticly and commented, "How rude!!"

You couldn't hold your laughter in anymore so you burst out laughing. (Y/n) tries to keep a straight face but she ended up laughing with you after a couple of seconds. As you guys kept talking and gossiping about (Y/n)'s most recent ex, your guys' makeup eventually got finished and you headed out to catch a taxi to the pub where Smile was playing.

~Time Skip To Before Band Starts Playing~

(Y/n)'s POV

"Can I please get a Whiskey Sour?" I asked.

"And may I get a........Cherry Coke?"

The bartender walked away to get your drinks and you turned to (Y/b/f/n).

"What was with the Cherry Coke? You feeling risky tonight?"

"Actually, yeah. Since I'm going to be out and about, I figured, why not step a little out of my comfort zone. Ya know?"

You had to try your hardest not to laugh at her. Instead you settled for a nod and a shake of your head. You and (Y/b/f/n) kept chatting and nursing your drinks until the lights lowered and four men climbed onstage. One guy had big, brown curly hair and an electric guitar in hand. Another had light brown, wavy long hair and carried a bass. The lead singer went up front with shoulder length black hair and big teeth. Then the drummer went on back to his drum set and scanned the crowd as he sat down on his stool. When his eyes met yours, he sent you a wink and a smile that could melt you on the spot. But you weren't going to be that easy. You knew he was going to try and find you after by the look on his face when you sent him a smirk. This is going to be a fun night.

Hello guys! Thank you for reading this and I want you guys to know that the beginning might start off slow but it will get pretty interesting as is goes on. I will be trying to post chapters every Sunday if not they will be posted by every Tuesday. My wattpad account will be linked below and once I start posting my other story, some sneak peeks will be released for you guys. Thank you for reading this and I hope you guys have a nice week. Please reblog so this story gets around. Thank you and see you next Sunday. -M

[winterwriter8845]

In Love With My YouTube Hero

Masterlist

Chapter 1

I walked into my English class where my teacher, Mr. Newman was writing our final project on the Promethean board. I sat down in my usual seat in the second row towards the window. I didn't like to be in front of the class, but I didn't want to be called on if I sat in the back. I don't have a problem with the teacher; he was a good teacher. I just have anxiety with being wrong, if he picks on me to answer a question, and I will most likely be chosen to answer if I sit in the back or the very front. I pulled out my laptop and started to prepare for the class.

I saw a notification from YouTube on my notification box. It was a notification from my favorite YouTuber, XavGame, and the thumbnail was just him sitting in front of the camera, not his usual colorful thumbnails of his face on whichever character he was playing as in a game. I pulled the video up on YouTube and watched it, as I had nothing to do for the next ten minutes before class started. Xavier, or XavGame, was a couple of years older than me, and he was my YouTube hero. His videos had always cheered me up when I was depressed or needed to distract myself. He was a very inspirational person as he would do multiple charity streams a year, most of them for donating to children hospitals or to fight world hunger. But once a year, he would use the money he got from donations to go to a poverty-stricken country and build things that were needed, like houses, hospitals, wells. He would even bring basic medicine to those who couldn't get to it.

The video went on, and Xavier went on to say that he was going on a short break. He had realized that he needed a break from making videos and traveling to just enjoy some alone time to clear his head and relax. I didn't blame him. Even being a small part-time YouTuber is hard and stressful; I can't imagine what it's like to be a full-time YouTuber that uploads videos twice a day, along with planning and organizing mission trips.

I finished up the video and clicked off the video and pulled up my Tumblr account. Someone had found out a proxy that gets past the firewalls, so everyone uses it to get on social media and watch YouTube videos. I looked through my feed and reblogged some aesthetic pictures and then looked through my message to work on writing commission. I saw that I had some new messages. I started to talk to my patrons and got the commissions straightened out.

I closed my laptop as class started. Mr. Newman started the class by greeting us. He then proceeded to tell us about our final project. Our final project was to choose a unit from our studies and write a piece of writing that goes along with that unit, and he was giving us the entire block to work on it. I looked through the units that we had been through and decided to write a Medieval narrative. I decided to write the medieval narrative in the perspective of my original character who is a pirate during the Golden Age of Piracy. I began writing, and I didn't even stop writing when the bell rang as I had my earbuds in my ears, my music blaring through them.

There was a tap on the edge of my computer screen, and I looked up to see my best friend, Teegan, standing there with her arms crossed. "Hey, T-Bean," I chuckled. My other friend, Val, and I had always called her "T-Bean" because her name is Teegan Bean.

She sat down on the desk next to me, pulling out a hair bow. She started to fix her long, wavy dark brown hair, putting it in a ponytail. "We better hurry up to Photojournalism. We've been late every day this week so far." She smiled, her forest green eyes scanning over my face and desk.

I started to put away my laptop after saving my document with my Medieval narrative in it. I closed my laptop and slid it into my messenger bag. I got up and left the English class with my bag and Teegan. We walked down the hall, taking a stop at our lockers to change our binders before arriving at the Photojournalism classroom. There were already people are the Mac computers, working on Yearbook spreads. We only have eight Macs and about twenty people, because the school won't give us funding to order more Macs, or at least more computers in general, or order more Nikon DSLRs because they literally put all the funding into the football team. Every other organization in the school must do their own fundraising to be able to compete or make whatever they're making, whereas the football team doesn't have to do fundraising and can afford to travel all over the state and don't even have to pay for jerseys. I even offered some of my own money that I make at the small shop down in town to get the cameras and Macs, but Ms. Dyer refuses every time I do.

But that's my ranting for now. I walked to my usual seat towards the corner of my room with my laptop as Teegan takes her seat at the middle Mac and begins to work on fixing some photos in Photoshop. I sat down and pulled out my laptop. I started to work on the blog that I ran on the school website. The yearbook staff had agreed to do a feature in the yearbook where we put pictures of students or teachers and the give a story about a time in high school that they will always remember for as long as they are alive. Since we get so many good stories, we decided to make a blog on the school sight to feature the ones that we couldn't put in the yearbook. We called it "the Humans of James River."

I began to transcribe stories and select photos. Once I had a few done, I started to type them onto the blog. I finished up when the bell rang. I grabbed my laptop and slid my laptop into my bag. I walked out of the classroom and down the hall to my locker. I open my bookbag and started to put my binders and notebooks in my bookbag. I closed my bookbag and shut my locker.

I walked out of the school to Ruby, my red mini cooper. I unlocked the car and put my bag in the passenger seat. I plugged my phone into my car and scrolled through my Spotify playlist. I found my playlist and put it on shuffle, and Without Me by Halsey started to play. I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

I live in a small town in Virginia where everyone knows each other; the population of my town was about 600, and that included the town itself and the rural area surrounding the town. The body count of the student body at my high school is about 400 kids, the senior class, my grade, having about 150 kids. But the high school covered about four different communities, not just the town of little ole' Buchanan.

I honestly hated it here. There isn't anything to do, and there are old people galore. But aside from the old people and nothing to do, the reason I hate it is because of my parents. I have to live with them despite me being 18 because if I leave them, they will go nuts and call the cops on me and make it a whole big deal. They're the type of parents that don't care about their kid's wellbeing, just if they have someone to baby them. They drink themselves away each night and fight with each other, or worse: take their anger out on me, despite me staying in my room and not speaking nor interacting with them at all so I won't provoke them to cause harm to me. I'm used to them hitting and kicking me, mentally abusing me, and causing me to go to the hospital for their harm inflicted on me. I, as well as others, have tried to get my parents turned, but the cops didn't have any evidence to hold against them. Then after that, my parents threatened to harm me or anyone else who tried to turn them in, so no one has tried to help me.

I eventually arrived at my house and got out. My mother was home, but my dad wasn't. That was a relief, as my dad was always the reason that my mother went to drinking. She is nice when she isn't drunk, but my father is just mean in general. I wish mother would leave him, but she wouldn't be able to support herself and me.

I grabbed my book bag and walked into the house. "I'm home, mother," I called out.

"I'm in here, Darcy." I heard her from the hallway, so she was probably in her bedroom. I walked in her room to find her walking out of the bathroom that was connected to their room. In her hand was a couple of pregnancy tests.

I looked up at her eyes. "You're pregnant."

She nodded. "Yes." She looked down.

"Who's is it?" I asked, knowing she's had a past of having affairs behind my father's back.

"Darc-"

"Who's?" I cut her off.

"His name is Mark... He's your AFDA teacher from last year...." She sighed.

"Mr. Wilson?" I felt shocked. I knew he was a good man, but I was just scared of what father would do to her if he found out it wasn't his.

She nodded. "Yes. He's taken care of me when your father wouldn't. He's a better lover than my husband is." She sat down on her bed. "You know that..." I only nodded. She looked at me. "Please don't tell your father."

"I won't. You know I won't. I just don't want him to find out on his own and hurt you..." I sat down beside her and put my arm around her shoulders. "You need to give up the alcohol. It'll hurt the baby."

She nodded. "I know. I'm trying to stop."

I leaned against her. "Go live with Teegan and her parents and I. Or go live with Mark."

"I don't know... I'll talk to Mark."

"You need to live with him. He can take care of you." I looked over at her. "Please. If not for me, then do it for the baby. I don't want dad to be the reason you lose the baby."

She nodded. "I know." She stood up. "Enough of that for now. I'm going to go pick up something from North Star. Do you want anything?" North Star was a restaurant near my town that had the best food. It was very small, but it was very popular, so the seats filled up fast.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "North Star? You rarely eat anything from North Star."

"It's the baby." She chuckled. "Do you want anything?" She repeated.

"Hmm, I'm feeling a bacon cheeseburger. I have a charity stream tonight, so I'm not going to eat a lot, and I didn't eat at school so I'm very hungry.

"Okay. I'll order our food."

I smiled. "Here, take some of my money." I pulled out my wallet and handed her some money for both of our meals.

She smiled at me. "Thanks, sweetie."

I smiled as I walked into my room. I walked in and sat my book bag down on my bed. I made sure everything was neat before I walked over to my computer desk.

#writers on tumblr #my writing #wip #youtube #in love with my youtube hero