#sorry if you didn’t want advice! hope this list makes you feel seen & provides you with some good hours of reading!

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Poems/books for being seventeen?

Silas Denver Melvin, from Grit

I saw an exquisite pink and blue shell on the sea-bottom. I dove for it, and held it, smooth and hollow in my hand all the morning. I decided it was a lucky charm, and that I would keep it. I am surprised that I have not lost it, for I lose everything. Today it is still pink and warm as it lies in my palm, and makes me feel like crying.

Françoise Sagan, from Bonjour Tristesse (1954) // movie still from Bonjour Tristesse (1958)

Kara Jackson, Teenagers Are Not Exempt From Poetry (read full prose piece here)

Some recommendations of books I’ve read that deal with girlhood or being a teenager (not my faves, but enjoyable. Probably wouldn’t read them again, but objectively literature that might be of interest to you):

Brutes — Dizz Tate

The Virgin Suicides — Jeffrey Eugenides

The Ice Palace — Tarjei Versaas

Teenage Wasteland — Anne Tyler

Normal People — Sally Rooney

My Dark Vanessa — Kate Elizabeth Russell

We Were Liars — E. Lockhart

my notes on each recommendation:

SEVENTEEN: Exactly what being seventeen felt like to me. He has absolutely beautiful poetry on age, Seventeen is the first of those in the collection. I’ve loved measuring my growth by how I relate to these poems. You can download the entire collection for free, just check out his account @sweatermuppet, I’m sure he has a link somewhere (or drop him an ask)! One of my favourite collections, it really embodies the feeling of being young, so the rest of the poems might also be of interest to you. I find myself rereading them all of the time. Love your work, Silas! Can’t wait for more poetry

BONJOUR TRISTESSE: I don’t remember the protagonist’s age exactly, but the author was seventeen when she wrote it. Very breezy, very summery, contains the whole spectrum of teenage emotions, from raging anger to audacious freedom. The protagonist is both astute and very childish. This book is so obviously written by a teenager, and I mean this as the highest compliment. You don’t get adults writing about being seventeen like that. She is seventeen. Seventeen is this story’s essence. I haven’t seen the movie, but it’s on my watchlist. Heard it’s good though!

TEENAGERS ARE NOT EXEMT FROM POETRY: I read this the other day and think it would have been very affirming for teenage me, who felt insecure about reading and writing poetry. Some lines really stuck with me and I think the writer’s youthful voice captures the solace teenagers might find in poetry very well. There is a freshness to that discovery. I remember reading Ginsberg for the first time and life feeling ten times wider even though my English was not broad enough for me to understand his work in its entirety. Discovering art at that age is a privilege, I believe most people will struggle to feel the same awe and wonder in later years. The author of this prose piece mentions many different poems that might interest you!

BRUTES: Read it last year and honestly found it kind of disappointing. Very interesting style, though, as most (all?) of it is written from the perspective of a group of teenage girls, using ‘we’ and ‘us’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘me’. I think I would have liked it a thousand times more, had I read it earlier in life. Fantastic book cover

THE VIRGIN SUICIDES: Very obviously written by a man, but nevertheless an interesting study of teenage love and obsession (there’s an excellent movie adaptation by Sophia Coppola!)

THE ICE PALACE: If I remember correctly, the protagonists are younger than seventeen, but it’s a very moving story about how young people grieve. Norwegian author, which I found very interesting, as I haven’t read a lot of Scandinavian literature

TEENAGE WASTELAND: Not for me, this one! But you might have different taste. After reading some reviews, it seems like people either hate or love this short story

NORMAL PEOPLE: I am not a huge Sally Rooney fan, but I do understand why people adore her so much. I thought Conversations With Friends was a better book, but that’s partly because I found it more relatable. Normal People is a very intelligent story on young love, class differences and the reality of many relationships. The opposite of a ‘happily ever after’ book, left me feeling unresolved and unsatisfied, as I believe it intended

MY DARK VANESSA: I’m not sure if recommending this too a teenager is wise, but it is certainly a very good book. Heavy stuff, though. Deals with emotional manipulation and violence directed at a teenaged girl in form of a predatory relationship. Rarely read something that made me feel so uneasy by manipulating me as the reader. I read it as a teen and it impressed me very much! Be safe, please. If you are easily disturbed, check any content warnings!

WE WERE LIARS: Something suspenseful that will suck you in, a summer-y and kind of light book. Definitely entertainment literature, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Probably won’t change your life, but also won’t bore you. Cool friendship dynamics between teenagers!

#I really took my time curating this list for you! I hope you’ll find something you’ll like :-) #I know being seventeen is difficult. for me it was the year I graduated Highschool and tasted the freedom of adult life for the first time #i was also the angriest I had ever been at 17 I think. it can be a frustrating and lonely age #all I can say is that it really does pass! the anger will eventually fade (for me it did at least) #its frustrating to be on the brink between childhood and adulthood. try and remember that its liminal state and not your damnation <3 #a liminal state* #sorry if you didn’t want advice! hope this list makes you feel seen & provides you with some good hours of reading! #also if anyone else read this post I’d love to do more of these! specific recommendations are so much fun #book recommendations #literature recommendation #recommendations #girlhood #seventeen #on girlhood #on being seventeen #on childhood #on growing up #bonjour tristesse #french literature #literature #poetry #books #litblr #grit #webweaving #web weaving #intertextuality #mine #my recommendations #my reading

[byorder-fanfic]

Finn’s Lost Loves

Summary: Finn’s lost more than anyone else knew because of the war, and every stupid thing his family have done afterwards to keep themselves in charge.

Word count: 2019

Warnings: Mentions war and blood, talks about eating disorder, self harm and self-esteem, and homophobia (only a little bit, period accurate), a lot of toxic masculinity 

Author’s note: This is a lot of angst with little bits of fluff and a sad ending. Sorry. It’s basically an overview of Finn’s character, backstory and his relationships with the family that we’ve never gotten to see! It’s based off a piece of prose in my drafts, so if you guys like this, I might post that as well. Hope you enjoy, and please comment, I love hearing your opinions and any constructive criticism you might have xx

Finn loved books. Once upon a time, he really did. He loved the way Tommy did the voices, and Arthur made those wild motions with his hands, and John could always make him laugh as he told him about that thing that happened in the pub last week. He loved how Ada and Polly would tuck him up in bed, place a kiss on his temple and read the letters from the boys. Then they came back, and he didn’t need to read letters. Or books. Or anything really. Soon, he didn’t even go to school. He just wanted to be with his brothers. Now they tell him to piss off more than they beg him to stay. Tommy and Polly scold him for not being able to read off the betting boards, and John makes everyone else laugh when he holds a big volume under Finn’s nose, so that everyone knew that Finn was still illiterate. Finn hates books.

Finn loved Church. He didn’t need Polly to drag him by the heels as he sobbed under the Virgin Mary’s stare like his brothers when he hopped, skipped and a jumped all his way down the road. He always sat by Isaiah, the two boys out-screaming each other in the hymns and seeing who Polly would scold first. He wore the crucifix everyday, and treated his rosary with all the sacred carefulness a six year old could manage. He loved the psalms and Jeremiah’s voice ringing through the streets and the way everyone was always together (even Charlie) on Sunday. Then he had to light candles, praying for his brothers’ safety that was only answered with their damnation as they dragged back blood and French mud into Watery Lane. Now he cries through the paper thin pages of a Bible and his only prayers are that the boys never see his tears. What did he have to cry about after all? He was never a soldier, but he should learn to be a man. Finn hates Church.

Finn loved healing. Ada dragged him along to her nursing classes and soon his only reason to come to Church was to learn how to tie bandages and fix up cuts and bruises. No one noticed his long absences- they either assumed he went to school still, or they were far too busy with the race tracks to care for the whereabouts of their youngest brother. But then he'd slipped up, and he'd never seen his brothers laugh so hard when he proudly told Polly he was going to be a nurse one day. Even his aunt and sister, usually the ones on his side, had to purse their lips together as Arthur roared out: "Hear that, Tom? We got ourselves a Nurse Shelby here! Want a dress and hat to go with it?" He told them all to fuck off and stamped out, but he didn't understand what he said that was so funny. When he asked Isaiah, who had just turned fourteen and starting to see Finn less and less, he just said that being a nurse was a woman's job. He didn't like being laughed at for being a girl, but he didn't know why. He still hoarded textbooks about anatomy and the like under his bed, tracing over the detailed pictures with his skeleton finger as he wished. And wished. And wished. And almost prayed that he could read the little ink words. When he found Arthur with another red line on his neck, he offered him some medicine to cure his big brother's blues, thinking just a bit of Tokyo would keep his brother here with him. No one asked why Finn was sad. Oh well, at least he could protect his brothers now. Finn hates healing. Finn loved food. Always the big eater in the Shelby household, he managed to always have a full stomach despite the poverty that reigned. He was a stickler for sweets, though, and as soon as he mastered the art of sneaking rings and wallets from unsuspecting strangers, he soon graduated to thieving lollipops and boiled sweets and even some toffees that he proudly deposited into his aunt's hand with a toothy grin. But the boys would look into his empty plate and his skinny frame and tell him he'd better watch out, soon he might actually have a shape under those bulky clothes. They always laughed, and he felt himself completely embarrassed at the dinner table. He dumped more sugar than milk into his tea and stole chips when they went to the seaside. He'd always offer to share, wanting to provide for them for once, but they'd tell him he was the one who needed it. He sees his ribs and the little vertebrae of his spine and wonders why can't he just be strong like his brothers. Even though he despises it, he picks up boxing to fill out his form. Maybe training with Isaiah was an extra benefit, but the older boy had long since talked to Finn on the regular, and made a point to laugh at him when he fell onto the floor. So, Finn graduated from second helpings of lunch and too-sweet tea to the sour delights of whiskey and cigarettes. Just like his brothers. Finn hates food. Finn loves his family. He loves Polly, the mother he never had, and will never feel like he does enough to repay her for his entire childhood. Then Michael came back, and soon there wasn't any chore lists on the downstairs table for someone to read out for him, or little check ups throughout the day as she makes sure he's okay. That was when he realised exactly why Polly raised him in her empty arms. He loves Arthur: his eldest brother, who used to lift him up on his shoulders and teach him to draw. Finn still has faded old pictures of galloping stallions (signed in block letters: A.W.S) slipped between the filled out pages of the sketchbooks he hides in his wardrobe. Then Arthur came back, with what everyone calls Flanders Blues, but no one explains, and Finn feels like he's losing his brother everyday when he comes back smelling like a brewery with blood on his fists. Finn loves Tommy. A father figure to him, the kind of man he wants to be when he grows up. But then Greta died and Tommy went to war, and the man who took him horse riding every weekend was gone, and this Tommy was colder. Finn loves John as the best friend he's ever had, always laughing together, giving sometimes useful advice and finding days to just spend time with each other. Despite John's bazillion kids, widowerhood, and then his new wife, he's always had time to spare for his little brother. John was the one who told him what bisexual was when he found Finn sobbing in his room, he was the one that took him to the doctor when he passed out from malnutrition, and he's the one that made him swear to never use razor blades on himself again. Finn loves Ada. He sees why Freddie calls her an angel, and used to love it when she pretended to take Finn to the library when in fact they were both slipping away to a Communist meeting, which would usually end up in Ada and Freddie slipping away and leaving Finn in the trusted supervision of leftist radicals that he happily chatted away to. Ada always took care of him, making sure he was never involved in the business (on either side) and telling him that being a soldier is a life sentence, not an honour. He lives because Ada keeps him safe and sane. Then Ada leaves. Finn hates the Shelby name that everyone screams at him like a condemnation, that invites slurs and hatred that only he gets because he doesn't look like a proper Shelby man. Finn hates his family. Finn loved Isaiah. A childhood crush that brought butterflies to his stomach and blushes to his freckled face. He sketched the boy's face so many times, he knew it by memory. They held hands when they were chased down the streets, laughing and sprinting as their spoils stayed securely in their pockets. But Isaiah was older than him. Soon after adolescence hit the Jesus boy and Peaky Blinders offered him a role, without the constant of Church, the two greatest of friends became almost strangers to one another. But Finn still loved him. He never told anyone, of course. He knew he wasn't a real homosexual, because he most certainly did enjoy holding hands and kissing the cheeks of girls his age (poor boy was flustered to ever do more!) but his heart still belonged to the preacher's boy. With more faithful women in the family than ever before, Finn knew he would be crucified if he ever told anyone. John was the only one who knew, and that was based on the fact he paid more attention to his brother than anyone else combined. He said he should just go for it, but Finn knew Isaiah couldn't be like him. And even if Jeremiah was always the kindest man that Finn ever met, he still didn't trust that the cross on his neck wouldn't shame him or laugh at him for the fact he was completely enamoured with his son. Then Finn got drunk, and when he woke up, his entire family knew exactly how he felt and Isaiah wouldn't look at him in the eye. He ran away to the stables, crying on Uncle Charlie's shoulder who told it would be alright. He made sure to keep an eye on Finn ever since, keeping an eye on his wrists and fists. The incident was soon forgot by everyone but him. Finn couldn't find it in him to hate Isaiah, but he knew he didn't love him any more. Finn has never loved Michael. He thought he could, at first, when he saw the tweed suit and a face more innocent than his. But then Tommy promoted him almost on the spot, and Finn had never at once felt so much rage bubble inside him. Everything he has done for his brothers, every passion he sacrificed, every humiliation he shouldered, just so they could see him as an equal. But no, there are only three Shelby brothers as far as anyone else is concerned, and Finn carries on as errand boy. He ignores all Ada's good advice, and swear that he will make his brothers proud of him one day. So, he puts on the thorn crown of a Peaky cap and wears the waistcoat and wool coat of his brother's likeness, and parades about Small Heath like he actually was apart of the makeshift royal family. Then Finn found Michael and Isaiah kissing in the alleyway. Even though Finn had made a point to announce that his brothers had started giving him more work, Isaiah still fucked off to the pub with Michael every night, devoting his time and attention to only him, and Finn couldn't understand why. Now he did. If Finn had been violent like Arthur, he certainly wouldn't have thought twice about taking the cup on his curls and cutting the smirk off of his cousin. He had stolen his brothers' respect, his surrogate mother's attention, his place in the business, the affections of the one boy Finn had ever loved. He had stolen Finn's everything, and Finn hated him. They both froze and stuttered. Excuses about just being friends, just experimenting, but he saw the way they held each others shaking hands just as he and Isaiah used to hold onto each other as they raced through the streets. "I'm glad you're together." He shocked them both with a forced smile. "You both deserve to be happy." The two were kinder to him after that, almost back to the old friendship he had missed, and Finn knew he didn't hate Michael. Or Isaiah. Or any of his family, really. No, Finn hated himself.

#finn shelby #finn shelby fanfic #finn shelby fanfiction #polly gray #john shelby #tommy shelby #ada shelby #ada thorne #Freddie thorne #Isaiah jesus #michael gray #charlie strong #finn shelby x isaiah jesus #finn x isaiah #michael gray x isaiah jesus #michael x isaiah #peaky blinders #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders angst

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MonX Hospital | Jooheon

Pairing: Lee Jooheon x reader

Genre: paeditrician – hospital au / romance / friends with benefits to lovers au

Warnings: medical and challenging behaviour terms, and whilst they’re fwb it’s only talked about, there are no sex scenes.

Word count: 3994

Index: Shownu | Wonho | Minhyuk | Kihyun | Hyungwon | Jooheon | Changkyun

Tuning out the conversation at the front desk he had been listening to, Jooheon shifted his attention to the busy waiting room. A mother, looking rather frustrated, was standing beside a small child and holding out her hand. She visibly swallowed back her urgency and smiled. “Come on Maddox, the nurse is waiting for us.”

The young boy ignored her request, continuing to push a car on a table, hurtling it around with a bit more force.

“Maddox! Let’s go,” she tried again, reaching out for his hand, in which the boy immediately recoiled away from and screamed. His mother, trying not to catch the sympathetic looks from the other waiting parents, readjusted her bag upon her shoulder. “Come on now, the nurse just needs to see how big you’re getting! It’s not scary, I swear.”

Pushing away from the counter he had been resting upon, Jooheon entered the space, giving the mother a comforting smile before sitting down on the floor next to the child. Maddox glanced in his direction cautiously, now pushing the car around with less force. Jooheon grinned. “Woah, that’s some good driving you’re doing there! Can I join?”

The child didn’t verbally answer, but he did hand Jooheon a car. Starting up some revving noises, he then propelled it around the track the child had made out of various wooden blocks and toys from the container in the corner. Jooheon purposely knocked down a bridge and then gasped noisily.

The small boy giggled. “You caused an accident!”

“I really did, didn’t I. Was I going too fast?” Maddox nodded. “What do you recommend I do?”

“You’ll need to go see a doctor! Your driver is injured!”

“Oh no!” Jooheon exclaimed and several of the other kids in the waiting room edged closer. “Isn’t it a good thing I’m in a hospital right now?”

“Are you a doctor?” another child asked and Jooheon nodded guiltily.

“I am. I should have known better and gone slower, right?”

All the kids agreed with this.

“Maybe since we’re in a hospital, Maddox here could take me and my broken driver to see the nurse right now. He needs to get checked out.”

The little boy hesitated before nodding and holding out his hand. Jooheon hid his smile as best as he could, and the rest was wiped off his face when Maddox dragged him across the foyer and into the room he had been avoiding all this time. For a little guy, he sure was strong. His mother darted along with them, smiling appreciatively at Jooheon who Maddox insisted had to sit down with him.

“Nurse Tina, I drove too fast and now Maddox and I need to get checked out.”

“Well,” she said solemnly, looking at Maddox and nodding her head. “We best check you both out for any injuries, huh?! First, let’s take your temperature, shall we?”

“Thank you,” the mother said once Maddox’s basic stats were charted. “He gets a little overwhelmed in places like these.”

“It’s common so don’t feel it’s something you’re doing wrong. Kids don’t naturally like coming to the hospital,” Jooheon replied before crouching down to ruffle Maddox’s hair. “Thanks for looking out for me! Now you go down that hallway and let Doctor Y/N look out for your driver, okay?”

“You better heal well, Doctor…” Maddox leaned in to attempt to read his badge. Before he could tell him his name, Maddox looked at the honey pot clay pin attached to his lanyard and grinned. “Doctor Honey!”

“That’s me,” he chuckled. “I’m Doctor Honey.”

“Doctor Honey, huh?” you mentioned when Jooheon walked into the shared office space for junior consultants, shooting him a smirk. “I heard all about how reckless you drove from a little boy and three others today. I think I’m going to take the bus home tonight instead of catching a ride with you.”

“I guess I have my first nickname here,” Jooheon breathed dramatically before sitting down. “Here I was hoping for “Doctor McHottie. Guess being a paediatrician makes that one a bit of a stretch.”

“That and this isn’t Grey’s Anatomy,” you replied with another smile before throwing down your pen with a heavy sigh.

Jooheon peered over at your case notes and then scrunched up his nose. “Hard day?”

“I have one patient who I saw today in Doctor Clifford’s clinic hours and I’m at a loss of what to present to him in our meeting tomorrow morning.”

“Can I read your case notes more closely?” he asked and you slid the file over. Reaching for your tablet to look up the history of previous visits for the young girl, Jooheon sighed as well. “Poor thing has enough going on in her life, huh?”

“She’s retracting away from society at a rapid pace. When she did answer my questions, she was very angry in doing so. There’s a lot of tension pent up in her body and mind right now.”

“And the caregivers state the change came from puberty? Nothing else?”

“Her biological parents have recently left the scene for good, which initially eased some of her aggressive behaviour. However, the return of the new school year has put a lot of strain on the situation. Some of these symptoms do support her diagnosis on the ASD spectrum, but I’m also concerned we’re not doing enough. I’ve increased the dosages for two medications she’s taking and given the caregiver some advice on how to address the lack of school attendance from a professional’s perspective but she didn’t seem all that relieved it would do much to help things at home and I can’t stop thinking about their situation. She’s such a sweet kid but she’s not getting the right assistance to help her overcome this.”

“And her diagnosis of Autism is much newer than most of these other labels that some of the services out there to support kiddos like her would have given them a stand-down period of six weeks before even adding them to the waiting list so who knows when they will get seen by them to continue support at home,” Jooheon added on, tapping a finger on his chin trying to find a solution.

The past year that he had worked as a junior consultant in the Paediatrics department had definitely come with some highs. Working with children and helping them overcome obstacles both physically and mentally to reach closer to their potential was always rewarding. But more often than not, he felt restricted by the amount of help he could give to kids like this one. A meeting during one of these clinics was only a moment in time for that family. The parents and caregivers of children exhibiting these challenging behaviours truly deserved all the respect in the world for what they must face day in and out.

Jooheon knew that your frustrations matched his own, wishing there was more you could do to support that family. He smiled determinedly at you over the table. “Let’s brainstorm what else you could suggest for her ongoing support and reach out to the agencies we know that might provide assistance to the family with her needs as well.”

“You know, you really suit that nickname of yours, Doctor Honey,” you replied with a watery smile, nodding as you reached to take the file back. “You sure are a sweetheart.”

“Sweet enough to have dinner with?” Jooheon shot back playfully and he grinned when you rolled your eyes right as he expected you to.

“I like things to be more sour than just sweet.”

“Chinese it is,” he announced and you laughed whilst shaking your head.

“Sometimes, I wonder how to get through to you that only being your friend and colleague is where it belongs for us.”

“Friends can have dinner together.”

“I remember our last dinner,” you stated with a hushed tone as Jooheon’s smile grew again. “Don’t smile!”

“I remember it too. It was really delicious.”

“I don’t recall signing up for dessert afterwards,” you continued, trying to sound unaffected as you scrolled through your tablet.

“I don’t recall you saying no to it either,” he pointed out, trying not to smile too much at your reproachful look. “We can enjoy the perks of being consenting adults when we want to, Y/N.”

“I swear you’ve watched way too many doctors TV shows.”

Jooheon smirked. “Never seen one, actually. You’re just trying to pass it off for whatever happens in those dramas so you don’t have to admit that being friends with me is fun.”

“It’s trouble. Honey gets sticky and is hard to remove.”

“You don’t have to remove it,” he offered. Glancing over at you earnestly, he hoped you would notice that whilst having bouts of pleasure with you over the past year had been well reciprocated, Jooheon hoped it could become more between you.

You deflated his approach quickly. “Sorry, I have plans for dinner. Maybe next time, Doctor Honey.”

“Did you ever follow up with that family with the puberty issue?” Jooheon asked a couple of weeks later when he crossed paths with you in the hallway leading to a seminar you were both attending.

You nodded, shooting him a smile. “Clifford was thrilled with the added suggestions I had for the case. Thanks for your help.”

“Hey, whatever gives these kids the best chance to thrive, huh?”

“I hope this seminar is worth it.”

Jooheon smirked. “Don’t snore too loudly this time round.”

“I did not!” Yanking on his arm as you looked around at the fellow health professionals entering the space, you then huffed indignantly. “I had worked two shifts back to back and ended up helping on an urgent case before the last one!”

“Sure,” he replied simply, his dimples deepening as he threw you another playful smile. “If that’s what helps you cover up-”

“Are you fishing for a thank you since you made sure no one found me sleeping through the last one?!” you enquired as you both stepped into the large boardroom, aiming for the seats concealed in the back row. Once seated, you gave Jooheon a pointed look. “I won’t fall asleep.”

“What will you do this time if you do?”

“I’m not going to!”

“I’m going to hold it over your head if you do. I know! Dinner tonight if you fall asleep.”

“I hope you enjoy eating alone, Lee Jooheon.”

Hours later, you grumbled as you took a seat adjacent from Jooheon in a sushi bar, pointing your index finger at him warningly. “Don’t!”

“Sure looks like I have the best company for eating alone tonight, Y/N.”

“We’re only eating,” you announced firmly, before reaching out for a plate from the conveyor belt that ran along the inner edge of the table. You then let out another groan. “If only her voice hadn’t been so dreary!”

“Face it, unless you’re being stimulated, you fall asleep too easily. I don’t know how you even got through med school.”

“Lots of coffee and determination.”

“Guess now that you have the job it’s easy to slacken off huh?”

“Jooheon!”

He grinned. “Don’t worry. I took enough notes for the pair of us.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” you told him and gestured to the food. “It’s on me tonight.”

The conversation flowed easily over a range of topics during dinner, as it usually did. Jooheon hadn’t met someone who he could tease in one moment and then discuss serious topics in the next until you, and it always made him yearn for more of your attention. However, when you reached for your second shot glass of sake, Jooheon took it from you and downed it instead.

“Hey! That was mine.”

“You’re a lightweight. Don’t drink anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ll end up wanting dessert if you do,” he told you bluntly, and you stared at him, cheeks flushed.

“Who says I don’t already?”

“Are you feeling the effects of the alcohol so soon?”

Leaning over and kissing him impulsively, Jooheon was stunned when you pulled away. You cocked your head to the side and took the shot glass back before pouring more of the rice wine. You knocked it back. “I can’t have you having dessert alone as well, huh?”

“Let’s pay the check then. It’s a work night and we don’t need to drink any more with early morning clinics tomorrow.”

“You’re right,” you agreed with a seductive trail of your finger down his chest. “I’m sure you’ll make me feel more than drunk on what you have in store for me tonight.”

“Doctor Honey!” the children exclaimed as he entered the hospital schoolroom, waving to all the attendees of the class. A couple of the physically-abled children hopped up from their seats and dashed over to hug him.

“How’s school today?”

“We’re colouring!” Ingrid told him and he gasped noisily, allowing the girl to take him over to her place at the table. She was colouring in a fairy with a pretty flower crown.

“Colouring!” he repeated, crouching down to look at Minseok’s alligator he was carefully remaining within the lines of. “You’re all future artists!”

“Will you colour with us?!”

“Me? Oh, I don’t know, I’m just a doctor.”

“You could draw a picture of Doctor Y/N!” Jake suggested and Jooheon lost his balance, falling to the floor with an embarrassing thud.

The children all giggled.

Recovering, Jooheon narrowed his gaze on Jake. “Why would I draw her?”

“Because last time she came to visit our class, she drew you!” Melissa told him as she pointed to the wall where a picture of a honey pot and spoon had been hung up.

Jooheon laughed. “That’s a honey pot.”

“It’s you! She told us so.”

“Really?” he asked, looking at the picture again. He grinned. “Did she tell you why she chose to draw that?”

“We asked her to draw her favourite thing.”

“Well I’ll be damned,” he breathed out quietly, thinking back to your indifferent behaviour this morning when you woke up at his place.

Coming back to the present, Jooheon smiled weakly. “I wish I could colour with you all but I’m actually here for Luna.”

Luna lowered her head and shook it adamantly. “I don’t want to go!”

“Doctor Honey will be with you, don’t be scared, Luna,” the teacher, Mrs Potts, gently encouraged and the other children moved to hug her and tell her it would be okay.

Once Luna was free from her friends, Jooheon held out his hand for her. “I’ve even got the coolest orderly on his way to help you travel to your therapy session in style.”

“You’ll still come too, right?”

“Of course!” he assured, her sweaty palm gripping onto his more tightly.

As he walked Luna back to her wardroom, she kept looking up at Jooheon inconspicuously, and he smiled after catching her once more in the reflection of the window they passed by. “What is it, Luna?”

“Is Doctor Y/N your girlfriend?”

Jooheon shook his head sadly in answer. “She just wants to be my special friend.”

“I had a boyfriend once,” she whispered when back in her room and Jooheon leaned down to help her up onto her bed. He then gasped and Luna giggled behind her hand.

“You’re too young for a boyfriend!”

“And you’re too old! Shouldn’t you be married by now?!”

“I’m not old at all!”

“Then I’m not young!” she refuted and Jooheon gave her a fist pump in a truce. Her humour eased. “I wish I had kept him as my special friend though.”

“Why?”

“When he left the hospital after getting better, he never contacted me again. If I hadn’t of given him my heart, it wouldn’t have hurt so much.” Blinking at the vulnerable truth the twelve year old had spoken of, Jooheon sighed. She was too young for such a painful experience on top of her health condition.

Luna took Jooheon’s hand and squeezed it again. “Maybe Doctor Y/N doesn’t want you to ever leave her so she chooses to keep you as her special friend instead.”

Before he could respond, Minhyuk, the cheerful orderly, arrived and took away his chance. Jooheon smiled at Luna thoughtfully.

It was amazing how insightful kids could be.

“It feels like it’s been forever since I worked in the same place as you,” you mentioned when you entered the office space the following week and Jooheon grinned.

“It’s only been two days. Are you not getting enough done in your shifts to feel like time is dragging or something?”

“You’re not funny.” Sitting down heavily, you placed your hands up under your chin to rest your head upon them. “It’s just weird.”

“Weird how?”

“Even when we’re busy, you always seem to appear during my day.”

Jooheon swallowed slowly. “I guess friends are not always visible when busy.”

“You are though,” you persisted, narrowing your gaze on his face. “Are you okay?”

“Sure.”

“Really?” Peering at Jooheon more closely, he diverted his gaze from your scrutiny. “Are you hiding something from me?”

“What’s there to hide? We’re just friends, Y/N.”

“Hm,” you hummed, shaking your head. “You’re being weird.”

“I’m just being your friend.”

“Say the word friend one more time, I beg of you,” you said darkly, opening your file with a huff.

He chose to look at you then, chewing on his bottom lip.

Luna’s words had played around in his mind. Jooheon didn’t realise that his advances could have been felt as pressure to you, and whilst he knew being friends who slept together worked to some extent, he hadn’t realised it could mean something to you to not go any further.

And so he had decided to just be the friend you needed. Although, Jooheon wondered if he had taken the step back a little too far if you were aware of how little he was trying to bombard you each day. To be fair, he wasn’t very good at reeling back his own feelings or level of friendship to make you feel more comfortable.

After a few minutes of working in silence, you cleared your throat. “Are you busy tonight?”

“No.”

“Good, want to Netflix and Chill?” you suggested, not lifting your gaze from your tablet. Jooheon didn’t answer immediately and you flicked your eyes upwards. You then frowned, waving a hand in front of his face. “Earth to Doctor Honey, did you hear me?”

“Uh, maybe not tonight. I’m not feeling well.”

“Really? But that one time when you were ill and told me nothing could stop you from-”

“Guess I had more energy back then,” he lied, collecting up his things hastily. He was growing confused and it was bothering him.

You seemed bothered as well. “Where are you off to? We have two hours to write up our findings from our clinical hours today.”

“I need to go look up something in the library. I’ll catch you later.”

Jooheon slapped the side of his head a couple of times once he was out of the office, groaning with how awkward he was acting towards you.

He realised he couldn’t just be friends with you anymore.

Your working environment continued to grow tense until you found Jooheon in an empty wardroom, patting the bed in which Luna had once resided in.

For a moment, you comforted him. “It’s a good thing she’s going home. Why are you sitting here looking so lost?”

“I’ve grown attached to her.”

“She was a spunky little thing. Gave me lots of advice.”

Jooheon nodded softly. “Me too.”

“Did she give you the advice to avoid me?” you wondered and Jooheon glanced up at you in confusion. You shrugged, taking a seat on the bed beside him. “Or did she say something to make you back off from me?”

“No, well-”

“I knew it!” you exclaimed, standing back up and waving your hands around. “See, she told me that there was someone really special in my world and that I should see him as more than a friend and then you kept saying the words just friends over and over and I cannot believe you took the advice of a twelve year old so literally!”

“Hang on a moment,” he simply replied, narrowing his eyes on your face. “Regardless of age, some people say insightful things. I was just giving you the space you need since I have made it clear that I want to be more than just friends who sleep together. I want the whole deal with you but you always give excuses. So yeah, I listened to Luna and thought maybe you had a reason that you didn’t want to be more than friends with me over. I was being respectful of your needs.”

“Disappearing from my world is respectful?” you asked, shaking your head. “You made me lonely. I half wondered if I had offended you or you’d grown bored of me. I kept making advances at you that you’ve deflected. How is that being a friend?”

“Do you like me?”

“Of course I do.”

“I mean more than a friend,” he reiterated and you opened your mouth, only to close it again. Jooheon sighed. “See, this is where we differ. I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you and want to-”

“My last partner manipulated me,” you blurted out. Cringing, you started to pace the floor. “I gave him so much of myself that when I realised what he was doing to me, I vowed I wouldn’t date again. I wanted to hold full control over my feelings. I figured if all you and I did was eat and sleep together that I wouldn’t get too attached. I could have a good friend and have some fun with you too.”

You stopped pacing and looked at him. “But you’ve become more than a friend; even I have to admit it. I want to do more than what we have. I just don’t want to lose what we have either.”

“I’m not going to hurt you like that,” Jooheon answered, standing up and stepping closer to you. Reaching for your shoulders, he smiled gently. “I’m not like him.”

“I know, you’re so much better in all areas,” you breathed and Jooheon grinned. “That’s why I get scared. You’re too good of a human to mess things up with.”

“What if things only get better, not messed up?” he offered and you slipped your arms around his waist, placing your head against him. “What if we’re better at being more than just friends?”

“Is it worth risking what we have?” you murmured, lifting your head to look at him. After staring at one another for an intense moment, you nodded. “Of course it is.”

Jooheon kissed you then, softly. It felt like it had been so long since he had last caressed your lips properly. You pressed into him firmly, deepening the embrace.

And then jumped apart when you both heard fevered giggling. “It’s just like what my Mummy watches on TV! Doctors do kiss each other in secret!”

“Ew, are you both worried about catching cooties?!”

“Why would they be worried? They’re doctors! They can cure anything!”

“How about you guys head off and pretend you saw nothing and I’ll be down to the schoolroom with candy in twenty minutes,” Jooheon stated and with another set of giggles, they darted out, leaving you both laughing at being caught.

“They’re right though,” you mentioned, stretching up to peck his lips again. “We can cure anything.”

Jooheon grinned, resting his forehead on yours. “So how about dinner tonight?”

“With Doctor Honey?” you asked, pretending to think about it. “I don’t know, what’s on the menu?”

“Anything you fancy.”

“Even you?”

“I thought I was too sticky,” he teased, reminding you of a past conversation.

Trailing your index finger up until you flicked his chin gently; you gave him a smirk. “Maybe I don’t mind if I can’t get you off of me now.”

_________________

Next: Changkyun

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[sweetwritertanya]

Just A Friend

Summary: You and Namjoon have been friends for about two years and you grew feelings for him. But you think it’s unreciprocated. On a vacation which he invites you to come along in, things take a turn.

Warnings: Starts with ANGST and ends with a whole lot of SMUT! Like a lot, so be ready for: swearing, erotic body touching, oral (female receiving), unprotected sex (because of the next listing), impregnation kink, overstimulation, hair pulling, praising, dom!Namjoon, sub!reader.

Requested: YES! The 💒 anon, as they wish to be known, requested this fic. In fact, they provided a lot of detail, especially for the smut, so a lot of props to them! I used a lot of the ideas they provided, so thank them as well! I really hope this is what you had in mind and that you’ll like it sweetie.

Word Count: 4889

Stomping across the bedroom you were staying at, you even consider just picking up your suitcase and leaving. Honestly, you weren’t sure what you were doing here anyway. You had long ago sworn to yourself you would stop hoping for things to change and just give up, but yet, as soon as he asked you if you wanted to tag along you smiled brightly and promptly agreed, heart singing within your chest.

You felt stupid. You felt stupid and angry and rejected. Mostly, you felt hurt and to make matters worse you knew you were the only one to blame. It was you and your own feelings fault.

Namjoon and you have been friends for two years now. You’ve been in love with him for over a year and a half. It brought tears to your eyes, thinking of how much you’ve been pinning for him, how much you wanted him to reciprocate your feelings. But he only saw you as a friend, the chubby female friend that would hang out with him and the guys, introduce them to cute girls or give them advice when it came to women. And that was it.

Two months ago, you decided enough was enough. You would distance yourself from him slowly, just enough to give yourself some time to somehow get over your feelings without having to ruin the friendship. Because, truth be told, you still wanted to keep him close. As much as it hurt to have an unrequited love for him, it hurt more to think of him not being around.  

But then he decided to invite you on a trip with the boys to the Alps. He would even pay for the plane tickets and the stay in the ski resort. And he asked so nicely, so excitedly, with that stupid little dimple smile that always melted your heart and all you could do was say yes. You forgo all your plans of getting over him for one last hope that this meant something.

It didn’t. Just as you got ready to go on the ski lessons programmed for this afternoon, you saw Namjoon flirting with one of the female instructors at the entrance of the resort place you were all staying at. It made your stomach turn and left a sour taste in your mouth. You turned around, took off your new windbreaker ski jacket and stomped up the stairs into your room in a hurry.

Taking a few shaky breaths in your room, you decided to light up the fireplace in the room. The plane ticket had the return date scheduled for the day after tomorrow, and even of you went and tried to get it changed so you could leave today, Namjoon had all the plane tickets in his room. You weren’t about to go and ask him for yours.

Struggling to get the flames to cling to the wood, your heard a knock on your door and assumed it was the resort’s staff coming to clean the room.

“No need, thank you” you yelled at the door, huffing at how the fire just wasn’t starting.

“Y/N, it’s me.”

You froze. That was Namjoon’s voice. After considering for a moment to just ignore him completely and carry on as if you didn’t hear him, you sighed and got up. You crossed your arms above your chest and glared at the door with a subconscious pout in your lips.

“I’m not going on the ski lessons, so just leave without me” you informed him in your best detached voice.

“I know, I’m not going either. The boys already left” he responded from behind the door.

“What? Why didn’t you go with them?” you frowned.

“Just let me in, Y/N. It’s awkward talking through a door” he begged, knocking on the door by the end of his sentence.

You hesitated, biting your bottom lips as you remembered him with that woman from before. But then again, why would he flirt if he wasn’t going with them to the ski lessons? Something felt weird about it, so you just launched your arm forward before you changed your mind again and opened the door for him.

He looked as if he had planned to go with the guys, dressed with winter boots, long brown snowboard pants, a turtle neck sweater underneath the blue ski jacket, scarf still around his neck and gloves pocking out from the jacket’s pocket. His short hair was slightly disheveled as if he had a beanie on before.

The moment you saw his concern small brown eyes looking at you, you turned your back and went back to the fireplace, trying to distract yourself from your aching heart with the task at hand before.

“You seemed so excited yesterday about the prospect of going skiing, you went on about it almost the whole plane ride, why did you change your mind?” you heard him asking as he closed the door after stepping inside.

“So were you, so why didn’t you go?” you questioned back, not wanting to answer him.

“I asked you first.”

You sighed, irritated with everything, the conversation, the fireplace that just wouldn’t start, the feelings you had for the man behind you. Everything.

“I just didn’t feel like going anymore, okay? And I’m in a bad mood right now, this stupid fireplace isn’t helping, so maybe you should just go and leave me alone, Namjoon!”

You didn’t mean to yell, but your voice elevated before you could stop it. Giving up on the wood catching fire, you walked away from the fireplace angrily, crossed your arms and went to the window, trying to calm yourself by looking at the beautiful white scenery outside.

“Let me help you with this” he offered, taking off his jacket and scarf, busing himself with the fireplace as you had before.

“Just leave me alone, Namjoon. You know I’m not great to hang around when I’m in a bad mood” you tried to warn him, more so because you really wanted distance from him right now. “You should have gone with them. Maybe you can still catch up.”

“It would have been fun, but even with the bad mood, I prefer your company” he shared.

“Liar.”

You didn’t mean to say it out loud, you honestly thought you had just thought it for yourself, but Namjoon heard you loud and clear.

“What does that mean?” he sounded offended.

You cursed at yourself for not being more careful before turning back to him, eyes set on the large carpet beneath your feet and arms as tightly wrapped around yourself as ever. You tried to think of how to get him to go away without destroying the friendship.

“Nothing. It just makes sense, you’ve been friends the guys for way longer than you’ve known me, why wouldn’t you want to go with them and have fun instead of wasting time here with me? Plus, there was the pretty instructor, who wouldn’t want to go and learn from her?”

You pressed your lips together and kept your mouth from opening again, realizing how saddened you seemed by the last sentence. You needed to keep your feeling at bay.

“So you did went down for the lessons” Namjoon realized, as that was the only way you could have seen the instructor. “What happened, Y/N? Why are you lying to me?”

Hands closing down into fists at your sides, teeth grasping down on your bottom lip as you tried to keep yourself from crying. The atmosphere in the room felt colder than the snow outside. This was probably going to be it. As much as you treasured this friendship and wanted nothing more than to keep it intact, it felt as if you guys were about to fight and things probably wouldn’t be the same after.

“Y/N? Y/N, just talk to me!” It was Namjoon’s turn to grow frustrated. “You’ve been acting strange lately. I don’t know why, but it seems like you suddenly want to get as far away from me as possible, and I feel like I’ve done nothing to deserve that!”

“And you didn’t! You did absolutely nothing wrong, Namjoon, it’s all my own fault, okay?” you barked back, tense arms falling to your sides as you finally gaze back up at him, seeing his own worried but serious stare. “I’ll get over it, alright? I promise, just give me some space.”

“Get over what, Y/N? You’re making no sense!” he continues, irritated, lifting his hands in the air.

“You!” you finally declare.

Your watery eyes can barely stay focused on him as you feel the shame washing over you, after admitting your feelings like that when it was the last thing you wanted to do. But the harm was done now. And as much as it still hurt, a weight seemed to lift off your chest as you confess the deep secret you’ve been keeping for so long.

“I’ll get over you, Namjoon! I’m sorry, I know we’re just friends but…” your voice breaks a bit and you have to look away from him. Only then did you realize he had managed to light up the fireplace, without setting anything on fire, which was a win for such a clumsy guy. It almost makes you smile. Almost. “I’ve had feelings for you for way too long and I don’t think I can get past them without distancing myself from you for a while. I’m sorry, I just-”

Two strides. Two strides is all it takes for him to close the gap between the two of you, an undecipherable look on his unusually stoic square face that you missed as you looked at the ground, before taking your round face into his big hands, forcing you to lift your head just in time for his mouth to capture the words you were about to say.

Completely shocked, your whole body freezes as you feel his fleshy lips clam around yours purposely, hands pulling your face towards him as he keeps pressing his lips further, almost to the point it hurts. All your thoughts clutter in your brain, disabling any rational understanding of what was going on.

When he separated his lips from yours for a split second, you try to speak even as you have no idea what to say, but he doesn’t let you. His hands fall from your face only to go around your back and around your neck, pulling your scrumptious body violently against his own as his parted mouth finds yours and steals the breath you were about to take.

You find yourself closing your eyes, the forceful nibbles he starts around your lips singeing your prickled skin, head still spinning but body giving in completely to him. You lean against him and move your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer as you kissed him back.

He rumbles against your lips when he feels you complacent, sucking on them lightly as he pulls his head back up and looks at you from half-closed dark eyes.

“For how long?” his raspy voice asks.

“Hum?” Your brain is still in short-circuit, eyes heavy and clouded.

He squeezes at one of the lumps at your sides urgently and pulls slightly at the hair at the nape of your hair, trying to grab your attention.

“How long have you had feelings for me?” he demands to know.

You swallow dry at the intensity behind his eyes, your heart beating madly on your chest and your muscles tensing up. A flare of heat rushes to your cheeks as you decided to tell him the truth, too anxious to even try and lie to him when he looked at you like that.

“A year and a half. At least” you add, hesitant eyes jumping between his.

Again, Namjoon almost jumps at your lips and ferociously ravishes at them, smacking them hard together and tracing your soft bottom lip with his tongue. You yelp at the warm and wet touch, and it’s a good thing his hands are keeping you so close to his body since you feel your legs loosing strength as he slips his tongue past your parted lips and swirls it around yours, coaxing you to respond.

You don’t care to know how this is happening. You don’t dare to question if it’s even real or some mad hallucination. You just take it all in, the warmth of him around you, the scent of musk and dew of him mixing with the smoke and fire of the fireplace, the taste of menthol and honey. The feeling of his rough hands holding you close. The small groan he released when you sucked on his tongue and ran your fingernails down the back of his neck.

Not sure how, if Namjoon just couldn’t hold your weight up anymore of if he himself lost his strengths as well, but you felt the world around you swirl and your back hit the floor, the pain only numbed by the hands and arms around you, a barrier between you and the floor.

It knocked the breath out of you, but it was still nothing compared to the way Namjoon bit your bottom lip and pulled it with him as he raised himself up on his forearms, each around your face, legs kneeling around your bulky thighs. He looked exasperated and deranged.

“Two years” he growled, much to your confusion. “I’ve been in love with you for two fucking years and now you tell me I could have had you more than a year ago? Do you have any idea how I feel right now?!”

His face told it all, he didn’t need to say it. Frowned thick eyebrows, creating lines on his tall forehead, thin eyes with a fiery intensity that outdid even the fireplace crackling to your left, full lips set in a straight line as his bottom jaw stood out with how tense he was.

“I never thought you would like me back. I thought I was just a friend” you whispered at him, wide eyes staring with incredulousness at him.

Namjoon dryly chuckles as he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against yours. When he opened them again, they were calmer and sweeter. Loving.

“How many friends introduce you to all their friends, to their parents and take you out on vacations like this one? How many friends call you every day, say they missed you when you were just together, tell you how beautiful you are every single time?”

“Namjoon, I… I didn’t think-”

“No, you didn’t” he interrupted, his frustration bubbling back up. “And now we wasted two years we could have been together pinning for each other. But no more.”

Reuniting your mouths, this time not only is he kissing you deeply, his hands busy themselves with tracing your full body above your clothes. You can feel them slowly going down beneath your arms, softly groping your lumpy sides, grasping at your wide hips and down your fleshy legs, on the way back up finding themselves beneath the thick hoodie you were wearing.

“I’ve dreamed… about having this body… next to mine for so long” he tells you between pecks at your lips that slowly travel down your neck. You tremble both because of his words and of his cold fingers dipping into your skin, swallowed between the rolls on your stomach. “Thought about all the things I wanted to do to you. How heavenly your body must be and how good I could make you feel if you let me…”

His hands pull your hoodie up at the same time his tongue slips up and down your pulse point on your neck, and you squirm a bit as a light moan leaves you.

“N-Namjoon…” you sigh as you close your eyes, hands blindly clinging to his arms and back.

Growing impatient, you feel him lifting his upper body away from yours and you open your eyes in time to see him strip of his turtle neck, leaving his torso bare for your eyes to take in. The sun kissed skin covering the defined muscles, shadows created by the fire on the fireplace making him look sculptured, hard nipples standing out. He looked breathtaking, and that was the exact effect it had on you.

For your surprise, he actually pulls you up so you are sitting in front of him, his strong legs straddling you, as he pulls at your hoodie with a determined gaze set on you. His demeanor makes you offer no resistance as he removes the article of clothing from your body, leaving you with your bra underneath. But his fingers dance across your back as he leans in to steal another kiss, undoing the hooks and the straps slowly fall from your shoulders. He leans back again just to see as he removes the bra entirely from you, exposing your breasts. Through the orange flickering light of the fireplace you see his pupils dilate.

“So fucking beautiful…” he whispers more to himself than anything. “You are much more beautiful than I ever imagined, angel. Can’t believe it took this long.”

His hands cup your breasts and he feels the weight of them, the roundness of them, thumb brushing your puckered nipples as he did so. Your back arches towards his touch instinctively and he does it again. One hand at your shoulders pulls you back down into the carpet, laying your back to it as his head slowly follows you down and his lips wrap around one of your nipples.

You writhe beneath him and whimper shamelessly as he lavishes on your chest, wetting and sucking your erect globes until you are yelping and clawing at his shoulders and down his back, your legs rubbing together under him in search of some friction. So very slowly, he moves his head down your body, leaving your nipples to swipe his tongue on the underside of your breast, then leaving long wet kisses down your pudgy stomach, hands kneading at the soft flesh.

“You feel so good, Y/N. All softness and warmth, so much to squeeze and hold on my hands.” He tells you as he reaches your belly button, pecking around it which tickled a bit. “I bet you taste sweet too. Let me find out, yeah?”

You gasp as he aggressively removes your pants from your body, as if offended by them. They fly off your wide legs in a second, your socks going with them, and leaving you clad only in your panties. You look down at him with overly hot cheeks and uneven breaths, a tight pull in your lower belly at the thought of what he was about to do.

With a hungry look, Namjoon kisses from your ankles up your legs, hands following his mouth on the outside of your thighs as he moved up. They grasp at your pillowy flesh and pull your legs apart, until he is facing your burning center. You cry out loud when he sucks on your clit through the panties, the unexpected feeling at the sensitive button making your hips jump up, only for his hands to grab you tightly and keeping you in place.

He keeps teasing you through the fabric, much to your frustration, panties growing wetter both from your overflowing juices and from the work of his tongue against them, tracing your slit up and down and lapping at it.

“N-Namjoon, p-please!...” you cry out as the tightness on your womb becomes excruciating and you want - no, you need - more.

“Please what, kitten?” he knowingly asks against your covered mound, the rough voice reverberating against you and you mewl at the feeling. “Tell me what you want.”

“I… I…” your brain spins around in search of the right words, but it’s so difficult to think when he flicks his tongue so expertly around you bundle of nerves. “I want you to fuck me. I need you inside, now, please, Namjoon!”

Your hands hit at his shoulder with how exasperated you are and he chuckles against you.

“Get on your hands and knees for me, kitten, and take off the panties. I’ll give you what you want” he promises.

Hooking your thumbs around the hem of your panties, you pull them off you as you turn around and get on your knees like he asked, turning your ass in his direction as you hear him removing his trousers. You bite your lips and can’t help getting even more aroused as you think about finally having him inside, like you dreamed off so many impish nights.

“So pretty, angel. All pink and glistening for me” he tells you and you feel his fingers opening your folds for him to see. “It’s like you want me as much as I want you” he whispers.

“I do, Namjoon. I d- Ahhh!”

You wanted to turn around and tell him how much you loved him, how long you hoped for something like this to happen as well, but then he grabs both of your ass cheeks in his hands, squeezing the abundant flesh and parting them as he leans in and licks up your exposed pussy, catching you completely by surprise and you almost fall flat on your face, the strength of your arms wavering for a split second.

His hands keep massaging your rump and his head moves up and down your velvet skin, licking away the overflowing juices only for you to replace them instantly, your inner walls clenching down on nothing as he keeps nipping and sucking on your clit and his tongue swirls around your entrance.

“F-fuck, Namjoon, I’m gonna… I’m gonna!...”

Your legs and arms are starting to quiver, the tension of your muscles making you sweat alongside the heat of the fireplace next to you, your heartbeat feeling like it’s inside your skull and the most agonizing knot about to burst from within you.

But then he pulls his lips away from your lower ones and you whine profusely at the loss of the feeling, only to have him kiss around your ass cheeks and up your spine, hands gliding up and down your horizontal body as you feel something hard pocking at your legs. You swallow dry.

“So, so pretty… like a goddess” he murmurs against your skin, leaving kisses between your shoulder blades and hands coming around you to play with your breasts a bit. Your whines have turned into almost sobs at how much you needed release. “I love, Y/N. Loved you for so long.”

You turn your head at that, lust blown eyes staring back into yours before he united your lips for a sweet kiss. As your mouths press together, one of his hands positions his length and in a swift sway of his hip, he enters you. You part your lips away from his as you wail at the feeling of him stretching you, the size of his cock reaching deep within and it almost makes you come undone from the feeling only, hands clawing at the carpet beneath them.

“You’re so tight and slick, kitten! Feels so good, like you were made for me” he remarks, backing his hips up only to thrust them back into yours as deep as he could go. “Were you made for me, angel? Are you all mine now?”

“Y-yes, Namjoon. All yours, please. Please, more” you beg of him.

As he starts picking up the rhythm, his hands are clawing at the sides of your hips, guiding you with him at each lunge, and his kisses travel down your back, until he leans back up and just looks at you from behind. You are whaling his name and digging your nails in the carpet. Your skin is all sweaty and gleaming with the light of the fireplace. Hair is sticking at the nape of your neck and back, and Namjoon goes to brush it away but instead he grabs and tugs slightly on it, at the same time he gets faster. You feel the tip of his cock hitting at your cervix at the same time the sting of him pulling your hair kicks in and it drives you insane.

“Fuck, Y/N, you look so good like this, you take my cock so well” he praises with an out of breath speech. “I’ll bet you look so pretty cumming. Are you gonna cum for me, sweet angel?”

“Namjoon, ahh… Ahhh!...”

His praise and the repeated assault on the sensitive spot on your cervix with the tip of his length finally does it. Your walls convulse and crash down around him, the aching coil inside unfurling and pleasure cascading in waves through your body as you moan out his name, falling to your forearms as you can’t keep yourself up any longer.

Namjoon stops for a moment to let you catch your breath, but it isn’t much longer before he starts moving again, still perfectly erect inside of you, your sensitive walls feeling how hot and throbbing his cock was.

“You look better than my dreams. I dreamed of you like this so much, of seeing you come undone and filling you up with my cum until you can’t take it no more” he confesses, pulling your body up until your back meets his chest.

One of his hands grasp your neck and turns your face to him, so he can leave sloppy hungry kisses on your mouth as he keeps plummeting his cock into your overly sensitive quim. The other moves from your wide hip into your stomach and he grabs the protruding flesh above the place where your bodies joined together, feeling the ripples each plunge created on your skin.

“Namjoon, please!” you sob out, tears from the overwhelming pleasure gathering at the corner of your eyes.

“Please what?” he repeats, kissing down your neck as the hand on your neck moves down to swirl one of your nipples in between his index finger and thumb. Your walls automatically clench around him and he hisses. “Ugh, kitten, if you keep clenching around me like that, I will cum sooner than I want.”

“Please fill me up” you find yourself saying. “I want your cum so bad, I want to be filled by you and just you, please! Please make me cum again.”

You had no idea you had such depraved thoughts, much less that you could say them out loud, but when it came to Namjoon you wanted anything and everything. You felt no shame, in fact you couldn’t help but feel a hint of proudness when he cursed and the thrust of his hips grew quicker, face hidden in your shoulder as he bit down on it.

“Fuck, you like that? When you beg like that it makes me want to give you everything you desire, kitten” he says. “Bet you would look so pretty… Your fertile womb overflowing with my seed, I bet it’s begging for it right now.”

“Yes, Namjoon, yes! Please!”

The hand that was holding your stomach drops down until his fingers rub your clit and he keeps thrusting up into you. Your head falls back into his shoulder as you scream, too much stimuli making your nerves catch fire and the dam breaks. You cum heavenly and violently, your slick heat spasming and tightening around him and sucking him dry as Namjoon’s cock twitches inside and spills out his essence.

Both of you fall into the carpet and Namjoon finds the strength to pull out of you and parting your legs to see your overflowing womanhood, a mixture of your juices spilling out. He smiles and kisses up your arm, one arm stuck under your head and the other around your waist, fingers tracing lazy patterns on the skin of your belly as you both take time to recover.

It’s comfortable to stay where you are for a long time, twenty minutes going by as you lay side by side with the warmth of the fireplace keeping you contented. At some point you rolled over to face him and you both just smile at one another, your fingers coming up to trace over the dimples on his cheeks lovingly.

“I’m sorry I was so rough on our first time together, angel. I didn’t mean to, I envisioned being a lot more gentle” he apologized, one hand coming up and brushing your hair. You shake your head.

“Not at all. It was perfect, Namjoon. With you, everything is perfect” you reassure him.

“I love you, Y/N. I’m so glad we came on this vacation. Even if we end up never going skiing as long as we do this instead” he teases with a smirk.

“I love you too. And next time, let’s not waste the perfectly good bed over there” you point out, finger aiming to the soft bed that was just a few feet away from where you were both laying, on the ground, on top of a carpet.

“You’re right. It was a waste. Let me correct that.”

“Wait, what? Ah!”

A mixture of a yell and a chuckle leaves you as Namjoon pulls you up with him and drags you back into the fluffy bed, intent on more than making up for all the wasted time you both were pinning for each other unnecessarily.

#bts chubby reader #bts chubby!reader #bts #btsxchubby reader #bts namjoon #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #bts rm #bts smut #bts angst #namjoon smut #namjoon angst #kpop smut #kpop angst #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #plus size reader #request

[universitypenguin]

What happened to u? U okay?

Hello!

First off, thank you for your concern. I appreciate it and I needed it after the past two days. To answer your question - I'm doing great.

I don’t have a lot of context about your question, but I’m guessing your concern is due to my recent blocking spree. A day ago, I went through my followers list and found some minors. I’ve previously seen smut fanfic writers concerned by underage people interacting with their posts. Until I had to block a few of them, I wasn’t aware how uncomfortable it would make me feel.

Since the blocking spree, I've had a lot of thoughts. I'm about to spew them everywhere. You might regret asking me if I was okay. Sorry about that. No one needs to read this whole manifesto about my rollercoaster of emotions the past few days. But in the interest of transparency, I'm posting this very long note.

What I want my readers to know is the following:

Tumblr is both a place for fanfiction and a social media site.

When I interact with followers and write explicit content, I have to be careful about what I'm saying and who I'm saying it to.

I don't intend to block or purge my followers in the future.

As long as I appropriately tag and put warnings on my work, that is adequate protection for my blog. Everything I write containing explicit content is tagged.

However, I won't interact with users who don't have an age stated in their bio.

There have to be boundaries, given the content of my writing. But I've also come around to the realization that I'm not capable of policing every interaction. Tumblr is a public forum. Minors following me makes me uncomfortable. But by the same token, my work is clearly labeled at 18+ and so is my blog.

There's a lot of explicit content out there for minors if you really think about it. In my high school freshman English class we talked about the book "The Color Purple." Believe me, that was explicit and we were only 14. Any minor with a library card and a Google browser can access a lot more intense content than what I write. I hope they're all being safe, but I can't have a melt down blocking spree again.

I'm not a cop, I'm not a parent, and what minors consume is down to them and the adult responsible for them. If I know someone is a minor I'll block them, should I notice they're trying to interact with me. Otherwise, I'm not purging my followers ever again. It's too much drama. I'd rather leave Tumblr than do that twice. I'm tired and I'm starting to work on my post graduate classes, I work full time in a demanding job, I'm in the process of editing my novel, and trying to keep up with my personal life. Quite literally, I don't have time to block. Writing fanfic is supposed to be my fun time. Let's keep it that way.

Due to the fact that some people I blocked were later unblocked after I took a closer look at their blogs, I'm posting a full explanation below. A quick summary is this:

After only writing for three months, I'd amassed 500 followers. On Monday I blocked almost 200 of them. Then I reviewed my block list and editing down some people who were prematurely blocked. [I assume the anon is one of the unblocked who had me disappear from their dash. Sorry!] This blocking thing isn't sustainable. In the future I'll run my blog differently as far as interaction goes in an effort to be responsible.

Continue reading for the saga of:

The Great Blocking Spree and Existential Crisis of an Erotic Fanfic Writer.

The Blocking Spree:

On Monday I realized a thirteen year old was following me and interacting with my work. This creeped me out.

*Commence blocking spree*

Then I realized how daunting my followers list was. I had 500 followers prior to Monday. That day I blocked about 200 people (some of them prematurely - more on that later.) So after the daunting task of trying to assume, to check bios for ages, to review blog content and determine the user's age, I was tired. Today, I even took a moment to reconsider if I wanted to use Tumblr. Because if all this is my responsibility, maybe I don't have the time or dedication to manage it. When I can be chill, I try to be. This attitude also affected by blocking. It contributed to me unblocking people. When I was doing the blocking spree, I'd give people with no age in their bio a fair shot by reviewing their posts.

I blocked some bot accounts, then a bunch of blank blogs, some ambiguous people who very well could be of age. For the first 100 followers I was pretty aggressive. Then my attention span dropped off and I was a bit more ambivalent. I realized I was doing a crappy job of moderating and wondered what the point was.

The point was that the thirteen year old interacting with my work freaked me out. When I found two sixteen year old followers, it pushed me to continue the purge.

So on I go, blocking. I'm so responsible for doing this, right? But my methodology is crap. What is context for being an adult? Someone had posted about budgeting advice. I thought the budgeting advice was too good for it not to have come from an adult. But my father's a financial advisor and to be honest, I could have given that level of advice at fifteen just from osmosis. Someone had pictures of themselves entering their marijuana plants in the Oregon State Fair. Okay, you've got to be over 18. I didn't block them. Someone else complained about their stats professor and I didn't block them. But in retrospect, one of my high school friends got permission to take college level math courses when we were seniors. She was seventeen when she had a stats professor. The thought circles back - what am I accomplishing here? Next, I went back and unblocked someone who ranted about her Tinder matches being 60 year old men. I wondered if their post was even real. I've lied on the internet before. Nonetheless, I persisted and worked through all 500 followers. When I was done I had 312 followers left.

Post Blocking Spree Existential Crisis:

I know that all the blocking in the world can't stop a teenager who wants to read smut fanfic. I'm not much for posting on social media and I'm not used to a lot of anonymous interaction online. Honestly, I got rid of my SM accounts during college when I felt it was wasting my time. This is the first time I've really use a social media site to post content since college. My twitter account is unused, my Instagram is for close personal friends only, and my TikTok is for mindless consumption of cat videos. (I've trained the algorithm to feed me only cat videos, it's great and I highly recommend it.) I don't post on TikTok, so I don't consider it full use, just lurking.

Okay, Alice, get back to the point....

Right, being anonymous on social media. My blocks are a fence and it's based on self identification from the blogs that follow me. I have little faith in underage consumers to out themselves. I have even less faith in their honesty or respect for an adult's boundaries. They're at a stage in life where they want to push the boundaries. Telling them no is all but inviting them in. I did my blocking spree because I was worried about backlash from someone's parents. But what reasonable judge would come after a fanfic writer? Come on. Logical thoughts but me emotional distress was still brewing.

Why I am the one responsible for who clicks the follow button on my blog? I've always clearly identified what I write and tagged my work as smut.

That thought snapped me out of my whirlwind of anxious thoughts. So I started looking into the laws. My regular work involves medicine, not the legal profession, so I was lost. I found some state level laws that made me glad I'd gone on a blocking spree. California and Florida have specific language in their laws about 'providing minors with explicit content.' But what exactly is that? What I researched applied to the following activities: co-writing smut fanfic with other people, sexting, roleplaying and online messaging.

I run a fanfic blog with limited interaction. I've never done an ask. I don't roleplay on here and I don't want to.

The blocks weren't personal. They were partly based on the awareness that Tumblr is an interactive site and a place that's had a problem with child pornography in the past. But I'm not the smut police. I suck at blocking, and I doubt I did a good job of purging my followers list. This is when it hit me that boundaries are only what I can enforce. They've never been about how other people relate to me, only how I relate to them. (Wow. I've never sounded more like my mother in my life...) After this thought, I started considering what actions I ought to take if I wanted to keep posting fanfic on Tumblr.

My Post Blocking Spree Clarity...

It's up to me who I interact with. I don't have to reply to every comment and re-blog, but I'd like to. I'm stuck between wanting to write for everyone and handling interactions on a social media site that's mostly anonymous.

The fact remains: I can't be the smut police because I suck at it.

What I've decided is that I'll make it very clear on my blog that this is an 18+ space where I publish erotic fanfiction. Smut will always be appropriately marked. I'm not going to interact with reviews, re-blogs, and messages from accounts who don't have their age in their profile. I won't include them in my tag list either. The internet is a public forum. Just as with publishing erotica, once it's out there online for download, it's done. As a ghost writer and an author, I don't control who buys my original fiction, which is just as spicy as my fanfiction. (Trust me, it's explicit. I once had a romance editor tell me I should dial it back on the smutty parts of a novel because "it's a lot of sex for a non-erotica market.") The key difference on Tumblr is about interaction. And that's something I can control. I can decide when I reply to other users. What brought me around to this was the realization that even after the blocking spree, I can't review every single like I get. That's an amount of time and mental energy that's beyond me. Just the past two days have been exhausting and sapped my will to write. Which sucks because I need to go write the next chapter of "Restitution" before tomorrow.

I think the reasons I went on the blocking spree are nuanced. The thirteen year old freaked me out. So did the other underaged people who had ages in their bios. But it also relates to my work. In my job I've seen some nasty child abuse cases. Early on in my career, when I was a 23 year old new hire, I was working on an autopsy for a child abuse victim who'd been murdered by their parent. It was so terrible and graphic, I had to ask one of my older colleagues to take the case. This colleague didn't like me. But she took one look at my face and took the file. She closed out the review without a question and never brought it up again to anyone. I was very grateful. Where I used to work (and where this incident took place) was a major city that holds the unfortunate title of being the human trafficking capital of the US. And something I learned working there was that most human trafficking victims go with their captors willingly. In two years at that job, I never saw one who'd been kidnapped from a dark alley like you see on TV. They were all groomed on social media and thought they were escaping their families (who were often overbearing, toxic, or dysfunctional) for a get away with friends. It was a fun adventure with their internet buddies, until it wasn't.

In retrospect, the underage interaction I found on my blog made me react because of what I've been through. The autopsy case kept coming back to me today while I was at work and I've finally untangled my emotions enough to figure out what caused my melt down. When I was blocking, I was feeling an anxious motivation that I know can only stem from the stress I deal with at my job. Don't feel sorry for me about this - I know my work in medicine helps a lot of people and it's a tremendously satisfying career.

Our Saga's Resolution & How I'm Going to Deal With This In The Future...

- - - - -

In post block clarity, I offer this conclusion:

I'm writing on a public forum. My work is appropriately tagged as smut. In the future, I will also use the tag #no minors to help with filtering. I've always asked underage people not to interact. And on a public forum, what more can I reasonably do? Going forward I will only interact with those who have their age posted in their bio. But blocking sprees and policing every interaction isn't feasible.

I'll review how I'm going to run my tag lists as well. I need to think it over and let my followers know my decision as to if I'll continue using them. Because tagging is definitely interaction and my current tag list was not screened at all. *face palm*

Finally, to my readers who have blank blogs or don't have an age listed. I respect your right to privacy and I'm careful with my personal information as well. But I've also had an uncomfortable two days. If you've lasted through this venting session until now, you must understand that I'm upset by underage interaction. I'm setting my own boundaries and going forward, I'll own my side of the internet. No interaction from me, unless I know your age. Full stop - no exceptions. I think it is reasonable for me to suggest that you leave something on your blog that signifies you are not a minor, whatever that may be. Someone who I didn't block that stands out in my memory had a bio that said "90s baby." It was simple, direct, and left no doubt they were over 18. No age reveal and not even a name. If you put something like this on your blog it'll help explicit content creators feel more comfortable about their interactions.

I went on a spree this Monday and I admit to being heavy handed and aggressive about pruning followers. I had an emotional reaction due to work stress and I didn't think things through logically. I'm relieved for the chance explain myself and set new boundaries that I'm capable of sticking to in the future. But remember - the block button is on my side of the screen. At the end of the day, you might be unhappy with me for the block, but it's my button, it's my blog, and I'll use it as I see fit.

Thank you for reading.

#tw vent #tw child abuse #tw trauma #tw violence #tw human trafficking #penguin blog update #new rules #i'm sorry #its been a long week #I almost left tumblr over this #blocking spree #clarity #smut #no minors #smut fanfiction #smut writing #smut blog #I talk about my work trauma from medicine #boundaries

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

How about how the top five kinda acts like a family? I’ve kinda seen them as such and noticed one of your previous drawing was like that. What little things do they appreciate about each other? Or tiny things they do for each other.

Ahhh! Thank you for providing me with something to ramble about!

Honestly I just think that they would just get up to some really troublesome stuff together, whilst still doing an amazing job at being heroes. I’ll write some random headcanons about them in a moment but I think I’ll just give like some little points about the others from each of their own perspectives first? (None of this is in a particular order by the way)

Endeavour -

Well he’s.....himself?? Believes that the other four are just annoying “kids” that pester him for no reason, doesn’t enjoy their pranks and mischievous antics however always manages to get roped into them (most of the time by Hawks and Miruko)

To him, Miruko and Hawks are the annoying kids who always manage to challenge him into doing stupid things, Jeanist is the bothersome pest who has a really annoying way of turning whatever he says into a cheeky insult whilst still managing to have more common sense than the other two, and Edgeshot is just that really mysterious guy that he’s slightly wary of yet can tolerate more than the others because he can be kinda scary sometimes.

Despite this he does recognise that all of them are incredibly strong individuals who all really do take their jobs as heroes rather seriously.

Hawks -

Oh boy he loves pestering Endeavour. Miruko is the only one who will straight up join him in doing so, closely followed by the useless “supervision” of Edgeshot and Jeanist.

Obviously he really looks up to Endeavour and that’s kinda obvious, Miruko is the “fun one” in his own words as they make the most chaotic duo out of the whole of them, and actually he sees the other two as two kinda fatherly figures in a way, being two people that he’s probably known from a young age and he knows they’ll give him serious advice when he needs it - although most of the time he’ll just say that “they suck the fun out of everything”.

On the other side of things though, he does know that if he ever has an issue that he’s unsure of how to handle, or he’s feeling bad about something, he can go to any of them to ask for advice, talk or even just a hug. Because they understand.

Miruko -

Ah yes. She will never pass up an opportunity to pester one of the older heroes with Hawks. It’s way too much fun.

In her eyes, Endeavour is just a competitive fiery flamethrower who will sometimes actually say something that makes sense, Hawks is the one she can do anything stupid with who occasionally supplies her with new challenges, she finds Jeanist a little annoying in the way he words things but knows that he’s always willing to join her in sassing the hell out of Endeavor, and she will not hesitate to tease Edgeshot about whatever she can - probably the only one out of the lot of them that isn’t at all fazed by his death glare.

She sees them all as a group of chaotic adults that will happily provide her with whatever support she needs in return for her keeping an eye out for them whenever she can.

Jeanist -

He really enjoys making whatever cheeky remarks he can to annoy Endeavour. But does know when not to tag along with the other two in some of their more stupid ideas. And will no doubt comment about one of their choices in clothing about two times a day at least.

He sees Endeavour as a cranky old man who needs to lighten his temper and his manners quite a bit but does hold respect in the fact that he is older and still a very powerful hero, Hawks is basically “his child” and he knows that despite how childish he may be at times he still does know how to make his own fairly reasonable desicions, he acknowledges how strong Miruko is and is kinda terrified about getting on her bad side - but still knows she comes up with some stupid ideas with Hawks and joins in with them for the fun of it, and well Edgeshot is the only one who he’ll listen to when it comes to doing anything stupid because that man can be really scary when he wants to be.

But really he knows that each and every one of them will be there for him to lean on as a support on those days where he needs it, and he’ll always provide help for any of them when they need it.

Edgeshot -

He has to babysit 4 grown adults...but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t actually enjoy the chaos. Occasionally he’ll help out with the stupid ideas, but only when he knows it isn’t a dangerous idea. Most of the time he’ll just stand by watching it happen.

From his point of view, Endeavor is a strong hero that acts like stroppy child with bad manners most of the time but he never really tries to do anything to annoy the older man - that’s the others’ job, Hawks and Miruko are the troublesome kids who always manage to come up with ideas that are so stupid yet something that he actually really wants to know the outcome of, and Jeanist is a man of many talents but incredibly unable to keep any of his secretly stupid ideas hidden from him (and he is the only person out of the lot of them that somehow actually find Jeanist’s stupid puns funny - he won’t admit it though).

Aside from all this, he is very aware that these people will stand with him to protect whatever they must, he trusts these people with his life as he hopes they would do the same in return.

Some random headcanons:

They will have regular meet-ups outside of work at one of their agencies where they just chill out and chat. These are usually at rather random times of day.

These meet-ups usually consist of hours of Hawks and Miruko doing something very stupid and Edge preventing Jeanist from winding endeavour up to the point that the building burns down.

Sometimes, it’ll end up just being a whole day where they catch up on all the sleep they’ve missed and end up basically having a massive slumber party in the middle of their office. Until one of them notices the time and they have to dart off to their individual patrols.

Jeanist has somehow managed to persuade endeavour to let him do his hair...twice, and Edgeshot has it all on camera.

This led to a series of makeover sessions where Hawks and Jeanist made Endeavour wear neon yellow eyeliner, Miruko suddenly had pink hair and Edgeshot spent the whole day in pigtails (much to his dismay)

They treat Hawks as the baby - literally will do anything for him - but tease him with stuff like “oh it’s way past your bedtime Hawks” or “sorry Hawks you’re too young to do that well tell you when you’re older” and he HATES it.

They all gather gossip from their interns and sidekicks over the week and end up having competitions to see who has the most shocking news.

So far Edgeshot and Jeanist are tied with first place.

They are also completely fine with showing the other 3 their faces so they are fully aware of how they look like.

Most of the time these meet-ups will be fairly chaotic and cheerful, but on the occasion it may not be.

Being a hero comes with the knowledge that you cannot save everybody. And they all know this. And so when these moments happen and they feel as if they need a break, these are the best times for them to come to terms with what happened on maybe a patrol that evening, or a mission that didn’t end well.

Because they understand each other completely, and know what that feeling is like.

These meet-ups normally just consist of a lot of silent discussions, hugs and often tears.

Where they all get together to comfort the one who needs it the most. Putting their plans on hold for them and listening to their troubles.

Because even Endeavour would feel bad refusing to console a Jeanist who was distraught over being “too weak” to save a single person who was in a completely different location than himself.

Or a timid Edgeshot who’s past was hovering over his mind more than usual, preventing him from focusing properly on his evening patrol.

Or a gloomy Hawks who feels as if his decisions are always wrong and feels like he can’t do anything right.

Or even a stressed out Miruko who feels as though she did a bad job at saving someone just because they were disrespectful towards her “careless” methods.

And of course they all are aware of the heavy expectations of being number 1, and know that truly this unusually silent Endeavour is human just like themselves and will feel just as anyone else would.

Even top heroes need to have these moments where they can break down in front of the people they trust, in order to keep their own sanity from crumbling apart.

And really that’s what they all collectively like the most about their little “family”.

Between all the fun and chaos.

It’s the ability for them all to lean on each other at times when they need it the most, and they definitely feel that’s a good thing.

Wooh!! There you go! A nice long list of headcanons of my favourite lil group of chaotic characters.

Sorry for getting a little sad at the end there, but if you know me by now I’m pretty sure it’s obvious that a ramble written by me wouldn’t be complete without it lol

Thanks again for the ask @ohpleaseiwillendyou it really gave me some happy things to think about and really cheered me up, which is exactly what I needed right now aha.

Please feel free to send me asks or suggestions to write about! I’m currently quite motivation-less and I really need things to ramble about to make me feel better :)

~Eclair

#bnha #edgeshot #best jeanist #bnha miruko #bnha hawks #eclair rambles a bit :) #ask eclair! #hakamada tsunagu #kamihara shinya #usagiyama rumi #takami keigo #bnha pro heroes #just noticed that I have an Edgejeanist backstory in my drafts that ain’t finished! #gotta finish that so thatll be posted at some point keep yer eyes peeled #but seriously this really cheered me up I needed this #college has stressed me out to the point where I feel like I can’t make art #which is really iffy #so I just uerghgthgggh #the only thing I have right now that I feel that I can do semi decently is my writing n ramblin posts #so yeah.. #:)

[alyssawritesssfics]

Hounded [8] 8. Day Trip

Pairings: Bellamy x OC // Kane x daughter!OC

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: violence, mentions of blood, character death (canon), series spoilers

Summary: Athena, in an attempt to avoid her father, searches for a lost bunker with Bellamy. In a search for supplies, they end up finding a newfound appreciation for each other.

Author’s Note: Hii, here is chapter/episode eight! I had SO much fun writing this one. It’s a big one, most of it Athena & Bellamy. I planned to have Athena talk with Kane, but it just didn’t fit into this chapter. I hope you enjoy it! Please remember to note and reblog! It really helps me see interest and therefore update the story more often. Thank you!

Tag List: @topazy​ @no-damsel​ (DM or send an ask to be added)

previous chapter // series masterlist

The rest of the day was spent recovering from the storm. Finn was healing slowly but surely, and the Grounder was still tied up on the top level of the dropship. I'd hardly seen Octavia, and I didn't blame her for avoiding me; part of me wished I could avoid me too.

I sat in my tent the following day, waiting for Clarke's meeting with the council to finish. We would soon know how long until the Ark would reach the ground, more importantly, how long we had left before we had proper defences against the Grounders. Until we had guns, the Grounders would always have the upper hand.

"Athena, are you in there?"

I stood from my cot, pulling open the flap of the tent. "How did the meeting go?"

Clarke shrugged. "There's an emergency depot not too far from here. Your father mentioned it would have supplies and could provide shelter for us while we wait on them to get down here."

I could feel my body tense up at the mention of my father. "That'll be good. I have a feeling we'll need to move there sooner rather than later." Stepping out of the tent, I allowed Clarke to lead me towards the dropship.

"The council set up meeting times for the rest of the day," Clarke started. "For us all to talk to our families."

I took a deep breath. "That'll be good."

Clarke stepped in front of me. "Are you okay?"

"Sorry," I spoke, rubbing my eyes. "I've just gotten so used to life down here, you know? Without the Ark. Not having to worry about my father."

Clarke nodded. "I know what you mean."

"Right," I couldn't help but frown. "Did you talk to your mom at all last night?"

"You mean, about her turning my father in?" Clarke asked, each word laced with venom. Then, she let out a small sigh. "Yeah, I told her I knew."

"What did she have to say for herself?"

Clarke shook her head. "I didn't really give her a chance to explain. I mean, what is there to explain? Nothing she could possibly say would make any of this better. She's the reason my father is dead. I don't think I can forgive her for that. Does that make me a terrible person?"

I shook my head. "It makes you human."

"Being human sucks."

I looked up at the sky, taking a deep breath. "Forgiveness has never really been my strong suit, so I'm probably the worst person to give you advice anyway."

Clarke frowned. "Well, I can help you avoid having to talk to your parents."

My eyes met Clarke's, a small smile forming across my face. "What do you have in mind?"

Clarke turned around, continuing towards the dropship. "The depot. I figure you can lead the search for it. Scope it out, see if there's anything of use there. See if it can actually be used as shelter."

"I can do that," I responded. "When do we leave?"

We entered the dropship, spotting Bellamy and Octavia standing next to the ladder.

"Whatever twisted connection you think you have with that animal, forget it. You don't get to see him. End of discussion." Bellamy turned to leave.

"Why do you even care?" Octavia pressed. "If I ruined your life, you should want me to go up there. Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll kill me. Problem solved."

Bellamy looked back at her. "You know I didn't mean that."

"Bellamy," Clarke spoke up.

"The answer is still no, Clarke." He responded, now facing us. "I'm not talking to Jaha."

Clarke shook her head. "That's not why I'm here."

"What, then?"

"The Ark found some records that show an old supply depot not too far from here."

My eyes darted to Clarke. "Clarke, what are you-"

"What kind of supplies?" Bellamy asked.

"The kind that might give us a chance to live through the winter." Clarke responded. "I have to stay behind to organize visits, but I'm sending Athena and she could use some back up."

I folded my arms across my chest. "You're kidding, right?"

"Why are you asking me?"

Clarke smirked. "You want to avoid Jaha right?"

Bellamy scoffed. "Alright, I'll go."

"I thought so." Clarke said, handing me a map. "I've marked the coordinates on this map. Be careful out there, alright?"

Before I could object, Clarke had left the dropship. I turned back to Bellamy, my arms still placed tightly across my chest. "Meet me at the gate in ten minutes, or I will leave without you."

Bellamy smirked. "Someone is bossy today."

"I mean it, Bellamy," I spoke, turning to leave.

I stopped at my tent to grab my pack before heading to the gate. By the time I made it there, Bellamy was stuffing packages upon packages of nuts into his pack.

"That's a lot of rations," I mumbled. "You do realize this is a day trip, right?"

"A lot can happen in a day."

I rolled my eyes, signalling for Jasper to open the gate.

...

We had been walking for over an hour, only ever discussing the directions Clarke had given us. While the silence had left little room for a Grounder to sneak up on us, I was growing tired and needed a distraction.

"You know, the first dropship will be down soon," I spoke, earning a side-glance. "Pretty sure you can't avoid Jaha forever."

Bellamy scoffed. "I can try."

"Maybe he'll be lenient?" I suggested, eating some nuts from my packet. "You know, he's forgiving the rest of our crimes. Why not yours too?"

"I shot the man, Athena. He's not just going to forgive and forget."

"At least you didn't kill him."

"Has terrible aim ever in the history of law been a good defence?" He sighed. "Your honour, I concede that I shot the man, but he didn't die! No harm, no foul?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not saying you'll get off with no punishment. I'm just saying, maybe he'll opt for some time in lock-up? We don't really have to worry about wasting oxygen anymore."

Bellamy stopped, staring at the ground. "What if they find out about the radio? I mean, someone is bound to tell them. I shot the Chancellor, and then I destroyed the radio, causing three hundred innocent people to die up there."

"So it does bother you?"

He turned around, looking me dead in the eye. "Of course it bothers me, Athena." Bellamy turned back around, continuing through the forest.

"Why do you always act like you don't give a shit, then?" I asked. "I mean, why do you keep pretending like nothing matters to you?"

"I don't pretend like nothing else matters."

"You're right," I responded. "You couldn't pretend that Octavia doesn't matter to you no matter how hard you try."

Bellamy shook his head. "You have no idea."

"Octavia used to talk about you all the time," I started, smiling to myself. "Her big brother. Her greatest protector. You gave up everything to protect her."

"What's your point?"

"I'm just trying to understand how the person I heard about for eight months is the same guy I'm talking to right now." I shrugged.

Bellamy scoffed. "No matter what Octavia has told you, you'll never understand what we went through up there. What I went through. Your father would take over if anything happened to Jaha, right? That would make you Wells 2.0."

"Bellamy-"

"You will never understand, Athena. You will never know what I had to go through to keep her safe. What I had to see my mother go through." He paused, steadying his breathing. "Octavia spent sixteen years under the floor. Sixteen years confined to our tiny dorm. She was a prisoner from the day she was born and all I wanted was to protect her, or at the very least, be with her one last time before radiation killed her." He stopped, looking around. "But, it didn't."

"So you destroyed the radio because you were afraid she'd be alone? After they came down here and executed you."

"That was part of it." Bellamy nodded. "Is it so wrong just to not want to die?"

I shook my head, feeling a pang in my heart. "I don't think so."

"If I had known what would happen," Bellamy closed his eyes. "I wouldn't have destroyed the radio. I swear."

I stared at Bellamy for a moment, taking in a side of him I hadn't seen since the night in the cave. He was vulnerable. Maybe I was an idiot, but I couldn't help but believe him. Feel sorry for him even.

Clearing my throat, I pushed past him, looking down the hill we'd now approached. "The depot is supposed to be around here somewhere. There's got to be a door underneath all of this brush."

"Let's just split up, cover more ground." He sighed, beginning down the hill. "Stay within shouting distance, alright?"

I nodded, slowly making my way down the hill behind him. Broken branches from the trees surrounding us were scattered along the grass messily, having been tossed around by the storm most likely.

It didn't take long for me to find a metal door hidden under a large branch. "Bellamy, I think I found it!"

Bellamy rushed over, helping me move the branch. He tugged on the handle, to no avail. "It's rusted shut. Here, watch your foot."

I stepped back as Bellamy pulled out his hatched, bashing it against the edges of the door a few times. Putting the hatchet back on his belt, he signalled for my help. After a few tugs, the door swung open.

"Woah," I gasped, peering down the stairs. "Here, take this," I said, handing him one of two flashlights before descending into the bunker.

Bellamy followed behind. "Do you really think this place hasn't been touched since before the war?"

"A girl can dream."

We continued through the bunker, coming across another set of stairs. My light shone over a skeleton, leaning up against the bannister.

"A hell of a place to die," Bellamy commented.

"So much for living down here. This place is disgusting." I said, looking around the spider-web infested room. "Damn it."

Bellamy sighed. "Anything left down here is ruined."

I soon noticed a shelf, shining my light against it. "Hey, I found some blankets!"

"Excited about a couple of blankets?" Bellamy grumbled.

"It's something, at least," I responded, rolling my eyes. "We might not be able to live down here, but at least these will help us stay warm. Even if it is just a little bit."

"How about a canteen? Or a medkit? Or a decent freaking tent?" Bellamy snapped, kicking a barrel in front of him.

I spun around, noticing the contents of the barrel spilling out onto the floor. "Holy shit," I mumbled, rushing over.

Bellamy smiled, kneeling down next to it. "I'll be damned."

Two guns laid on the floor, surrounded by grease.

"Do you think they'll still work?" I asked, picking one up.

"I guess we'll find out," Bellamy responded, looking around. "Help me with the rest of the barrels. Maybe there's more guns, some ammo."

We headed around the room, kicking over every barrel insight. In total, we came up with fifty guns, but only enough ammo to fill half of them twice.

"This changes everything. No more running from spears." Bellamy spoke, a glimmer in his eyes. "Ready to be a badass, Athena?"

I bit my lip. "I know we need these, but I don't know how I feel about bringing them back to camp. We do have murderers among us."

"Who could've killed us by now with anything else lying around camp." Bellamy pointed out. "I know what you mean, but trust me, those killers are focused on the Grounders. Not any of us."

"You're right," I confessed.

"We're lucky these guns were packed in grease. The fact that they survived means we're not sitting ducks anymore." Bellamy grabbed a sheet from the shelf, drawing a target on it with some dust. "You need to learn how to do this."

I nodded, lifting the gun and pointing it at the sheet. "So I just hold it on my shoulder?"

"Just a little higher," He spoke, standing behind me. He placed one hand on the gun and another on my upper arm. I could feel his warm breath on my ear, jagged with each inhale and exhale. "Uh, yeah, that's good." He spoke, moving away. "Here, watch and learn."

I stepped back, watching him pick up another gun. He aimed it at the target, pulling the trigger. The gun clicked, nothing coming out. "Still watching," I spoke, smirking.

He shook his head, turning to me with a smile. "My bullets are duds. Try yours."

I stepped back into place, aiming the gun and pulling the trigger. A bullet flew out of the gun, shooting through the sheet. "That was amazing!" I spoke, smiling ear to ear. I turned to look at Bellamy, my face now pale. "Am I horrible for feeling that?"

He shook his head again, still smiling. "Try again."

"We shouldn't waste the ammunition."

"You need to practice."

"We need to talk about how we're going to keep these guns around camp," I started. "Where we're going to keep them, who has access to them." Bellamy rolled his eyes, opening a pack of nuts and eating a small handful. "You left Miller in charge of the Grounder," I continued. "You must trust him."

Bellamy nodded. "You should keep him close. The others listen to him."

I raised an eyebrow. "Bellamy, what's going on? You've been acting weird all day and you took a shit-ton of rations-" I stopped, my eyes widening. "You're planning on running. That's why you agreed to come today. You were gonna load up on supplies and just take off?"

"I don't have a choice, Athena." Bellamy sighed. "The Ark will be down here soon. You said maybe they'd just lock me up, but there's no way I'm giving Jaha the satisfaction."

"What about Octavia?" I asked. "You can't just leave her."

"Octavia hates me. She'll be fine."

"Octavia is upset, but she'll get over it. She loves you." I spoke, stepping closer. "Please, Bellamy. Don't do this."

Bellamy stared at me for a moment, his eyes softening. "Come with me."

I stared back, my heart stopping for a moment. "What?"

"Screw everyone else," Bellamy responded. "Let's just go."

"Bellamy-"

"Clarke knows where the depot is." Bellamy started. "We can take a gun, some ammo, and go somewhere else."

"We can't just abandon our people. Your people, as you've said over and over again since we got down here." I spoke, stepping back.

Bellamy rolled his eyes. "Keep practicing. I need some air."

"Bellamy, wait!"

"Don't worry, Athena." He spoke, walking away. "I won't leave just yet."

As his silhouette disappeared, I felt my heart sink into my stomach. Come with me. He asked me to come with him, and for just a moment, I thought about it. Could we find a place where the Grounders would never find us? Would the others manage on their own until the Ark came down? Leaving them to fight without my help just didn't sit right with me.

I placed my gun on the shelf, grabbing a few more nuts. Then suddenly, I heard a familiar voice.

"You've always been just like your father, you know?"

I turned around, the room having morphed into my bedroom on the Ark. Standing in front of me was my mother, as clear as ever.

"Mom?" I gasped, rushing over and throwing my arms around her.

"My sweet baby," She spoke, giving me one of her tightest hugs. "I've missed you so much."

I opened my mouth to respond, reality slowly sinking in. Looking up at my mother, I frowned. "You're not really here, are you?"

"I'm afraid not," She confessed.

"How is this possible?" I asked, stepping away.

My mother turned away, looking around the room before sitting down on my bed. "I'm thinking 'why' is more important."

I frowned. "Because I need you."

"What for, Sweetheart?" She asked, patting the bed next to her.

I sat down next to her, feeling her arm wrap around my back. "I don't know what to do. I'm so scared, Mom. All of the time. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to keep us all safe. I don't think I can."

"Are you trying your best?" I nodded. "That's all you can do." She said, pausing for a moment. "But, you can't run away, baby. You're better than that."

I pulled myself away, standing in front of her. "You don't understand what it's like down here."

"Of course I do," She said, smiling. "I'm you, remember?"

"Right," I frowned. "So I guess you're my conscience?"

"I'm whatever you need me to be."

I let out a huff, shaking my head. "That's not really helpful, you know?"

"Would you prefer to speak with your father instead?" She asked, letting out a small chuckle.

"That's not funny," I hissed. "And for the record, I'm nothing like him."

"Are you sure about that?" I raised my eyebrow at her. "Here you are, worrying about the safety of your people. Having to make the hard decisions to keep them alive, a burden he's carried since before you were born."

"Dad has never had trouble making the hard decisions."

"Athena-"

"If you're going to try and defend him, just save it. He let them lock me up." I spoke, tears forming in my eyes. "Aside from our family, Jaha and Jesse's family, nobody else knew what I did. He's the second in command! He could've talked to Jaha, asked him to let it go, but he didn't. He's never stood up for me, not once in my entire life. He knew they were sending us down here, and he did nothing to stop it. He sent me, his own daughter, down here to die."

My mother frowned, her eyes shifting to the floor. "You know none of that was within his power. He loves you, more than anything."

"Now I know for sure you're not real," I scoffed. "You'd never lie to me."

"Too bad I couldn't say the same for you."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. "I never told you I was sorry. For what I did. Stealing your keycard. I know you could've lost everything."

"But you did it anyway, all to save someone you loved. Look where that got you; locked up and sent down here to die."

"You're saying Dad did the right thing?" I rolled my eyes.

"Not everything is black and white, Athena." She started. "Sometimes you have no other choice. Being a leader is doing what's right for your people, not what's right for you or one other person. Your father knows that, and so do you."

I shook my head, a tear falling down my cheek. "I'm not ready to forgive him."

"Whatever," My mother spoke, her voice suddenly changing. "Crazy bitch."

"Mom?" I asked, feeling a hard smack against the back of my head.

Then, everything went black.

...

I woke up on the cold ground of the bunker, my head throbbing. Sitting up, I looked around the room, noticing Bellamy's pack still sat on the ground where he left it. Whoever knocked me out, it definitely hadn't been him.

"What am I supposed to do?" It was Bellamy's voice.

I pulled myself off the ground, grabbing my gun and running out of the bunker.

"Do you think you deserve to be free of your pain? Do you deserve that gift?" I recognized the voice as Dax, one of the murderers of our camp. "Because you're going to get it."

I hid behind a tree, poking my head out, struggling to see in the darkness. Dax stood over Bellamy, holding one of the guns we'd found. Bellamy lifted his hand, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Nothing personal," Dax said. Then, he pulled the trigger, nothing coming out.

"Put the gun down, Dax," I spoke, stepping out from behind the tree with my gun aimed at him.

Dax spun around, shaking his head. "You should've stayed in the bunker, Athena. I tried not to kill you, but here you are, and Shumway said no witnesses."

"What is he talking about?" I asked, my eyes shifting to Bellamy for a moment.

"Shumway set it up. He gave me the gun to shoot the Chancellor."

I froze for a moment, Dax taking the chance to move closer. "Walk away now, and I won't kill you. This is your last chance."

"I can't do that, Dax."

He nodded. "Your choice."

I pulled the trigger before he could, this time my gun being the one to jam. He was quick to pull the trigger next, and I dove behind the tree just in time.

"No!" Bellamy yelled, tackling Dax.

I could hear them struggling behind me as I remained behind the tree, reloading my gun. Stepping out, I fired again and again and again, nothing coming out. I watched Dax climb on top of Bellamy once more, pushing the gun hard against Bellamy's throat. Giving up, I ran towards.

"Get the hell off of him!" I yelled, swinging the gun at him.

Dax dodged me, hitting me in the stomach with his gun, causing me to fall to the floor. I clutched my stomach, gasping for air, Dax's eyes still on me. With no time to waste, Bellamy grabbed a discarded bullet, stabbing Dax in the neck with it.

Blood spilled from Dax's mouth as he fell backwards, slowly bleeding out. Finally, he stopped moving.

I crawled over to the tree, leaning myself up against it as Bellamy rushed over, still struggling to catch his breath. He placed his hand on my knee, leaning himself against the tree as well.

"It's okay," I spoke, slowly catching my breath. "You're okay."

"No, I'm not." He choked out, tears forming in his eyes. "My mother... If she knew what I've done, who I am. She raised me to be better. To be good. And all I do is hurt people."

"Bellamy-"

"I'm a monster."

"Hey, you saved my life today. You've saved my life twice now." I spoke, grabbing his hand. "You may be a total ass half the time but... I need you. We all need you. None of us would've survived this place if it wasn't for you."

He shook his head. "They have you. And Clarke."

"We couldn't have kept everyone alive without you by our sides," I confessed. "You want forgiveness, fine, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven, okay? But you can't run, Bellamy. You have to face it."

"Like you faced your father?" He asked, catching me off guard. "Come on, Athena. I know you only came here today to avoid talking to him."

I sighed. "You're right. I don't want to face my father. I don't want to face any of it. I would love to run away and start a life far away from everyone else, far away from all the death and destruction, but we don't have a choice."

"Jaha will kill me when he comes down."

"I won't let that happen," I spoke. "We'll figure something out."

Bellamy nodded. "Can we figure it out later?"

I nodded, leaning my head back against the tree and letting go of his hand. "Whenever you're ready."

...

We returned to camp later that night, pushing our way through a crowd surrounding the dropship. Miller had just informed the camp that the Grounder had gotten free, nowhere to be found.

"What if he brings other grounders back?" Jasper asked.

"He'll kill us all!" Another delinquent spoke.

"Or worse."

"Let the grounders come," Bellamy spoke, us both reaching the front of the crowd. "We've been afraid of them for far too long, and why? Because of their knives and spears. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being afraid."

Bellamy and I both dropped the sacks we'd made of sheets, them falling open to reveal guns. Clarke eyed them in amazement as everyone cheered around us.

"What about the bunker?" She asked.

I shook my head. "We can't live down there, but we did find blankets."

Clarke nodded, raising her voice. "These are weapons, not toys, alright? We have to be prepared to give them up to the guard when they get down here."

"But for now, they'll keep us safe," I added, earning a small smile.

"There are plenty more back at the depot that we couldn't carry," Bellamy spoke. "Tomorrow we start training, and if the grounders come, we're going to be ready to fight."

Everyone dispersed, Monty and Jasper carrying the guns to the dropship for storage overnight. Clarke placed her hand on my arm, grabbing my attention.

"I got you a meeting with Jaha," Clarke said. "He's waiting."

I smiled. "Thank you."

"What do you need to talk to him about anyway?"

"It's not for me," I responded, my eyes landing on Bellamy. "He was going to leave, you know?"

Clarke's eyes widened, her face turning red. "Are you kidding me?"

I shook my head. "I convinced him to talk to Jaha. Promised I'd do it with him. He's just scared, Clarke."

Her face softened and she nodded. "I get it."

I watched as Bellamy marched over, his eyes shifting nervously around camp. "Are we doing this?"

"Jaha is waiting. Are you ready?"

Bellamy huffed. "No, but let's get this over with."

The two of us headed to the tent, Bellamy gesturing for me to enter first. I pushed the flap aside, quickly spotting Jaha's face on the monitor in front of us. Bellamy took a deep breath, sitting down first and putting on his headset. I did the same.

"Mr. Blake," Jaha spoke. "I've been wanting to talk to you for some time now."

"Before you do, there's something I'd like to say." I started, glancing at Bellamy before looking back at Jaha. "When you sent us down here, you sent us to die, but miraculously, most of us are still alive. In large part, that is because of him, because of Bellamy. He's one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us."

Jaha scoffed. "Athena, I appreciate your point of view, but it's not that simple."

"It is if you want to know who on the Ark wants you dead."

I watched as Jaha contemplated Bellamy's offer. Finally, he responded. "Bellamy Blake, you are pardoned for your crimes."

Bellamy let out a sigh of relief, and I couldn't help but do the same. I placed my hand on his, squeezing it slightly and earning a small smile from him.

"Thank you," Bellamy spoke.

Jaha nodded. "Now, tell me who gave you the gun."

~

next chapter

#the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #bellamy blake #bellamy blake fanfiction #bellamy blake x oc

[praphit]

“Project Power”- Add it to the list, Jamie :)

In these tense times of protests, economic woes, demon sperm,

and mad scientists giving us advice on how to stay safe

(Psssh, plus he’s a Nationals fan? Smh... that monster), 

it's natural for us to call out for a hero. 

I know that I'm first on your list (If you don’t know, get it together, I'm practically "Black Dynamite", especially since I haven't seen a barber in forever)

, and I'm flattered, but I'm a busy man. Much like common sense, I may not always be around to lend a hand.

You might want to turn to The Avengers, but 

- yeah. They're kinda done without a leader.

NEXT!

Batman? 

But is it the old, sad Ben Batman?

- or... 

... whatever the hell this is? Batman has got issues right now.

NEXT!

Politici... Ha! Sorry, I can't even... Ha! Just no.

NEXT!

Firefighters!

Sure, but unless your place is on fire or you're having a bachelorette party, they won't be of much use.

Somehow, next up is Jamie Foxx.

Yeah, I couldn't believe it either, but there he is - "Project Power".

Let's look at the official description of the movie shall we - 

"A former soldier teams up with a cop to find the source behind a dangerous pill that provides temporary superpowers."

Seems like it should be a fun, yet awful movie right??

I'm not even gonna bullshit you. This movie is awful, but not in the fun way. It's a Grade F, and that's that.

For starters, the trope-filled story never gets off the ground. I still don't know why or how it doesn't, but I was never invested in this flick. There's no depth to it. It's just those two, and a teenager, bypassing law enforcement to tackle the war on drugs.

This war starts with a character named "Newt", played by music artist (previously a rapper) / actor, Machine Gun Kelly. 

There are certain actors that consistently make poor choices for movies that they're in. It's to the point where if you see them in a trailer, you know that the movie is going to be bad. Now, he's not one of those actors, because you can't call what he does "acting". But, he is always one of the reasons why the movie he's in will be bad.

If you're unfamiliar with his bad choices, here's a brief recap:

*Making music *Beefing with Eminem

(this is not a pic of him from the movie, it's what happened to him once Em launched his diss track at MGK

 - goodbye "rap career")

*Dating Megan Fox

Even his character made poor decisions.

*Here's him drinking a big gulp, obnoxiously loud during a drug dealing meeting (I imagine Trump doing that in meetings).

*Then, his character has his own name written on his own door, WHEN THE COPS ARE LOOKING FOR HIM!

That's just amateur back-in-the-day cartoon villain stuff, right?? Back when they had giant evil lairs.

Plus, he can't be a very good dealer, being that we don't see all that many people using this drug. If this were real, I imagine that everyone would at least try it; especially the way our world is going right now. Granny would replace the hard candy in her jar with power pills.

I could go on and on, but I digress.

Joseph Gordon what's-his-face was good,

 but like most of the characters in this movie, he was one dimensional.

He's a renegade cop who will doing anything to get this ridiculous drug of the streets. Anything includes taking the drug himself to even the odds. The other cops know that he's doing it too! How do they see him doing something blatantly against the law that they serve and... oh wait.

Then, they've got the black teenage girl, who's facing real systemic racism, who focuses way too much on her rap skills rather than school work.

Whom adults also feel to need to take out of school and put her in life-threatening situations.

And Jamie Foxx... 

let's just review a few of the times in which he played an action role.

That’s him a lil behind Josh Lucas. Who’s that, you ask? - exactly.

Here he played a sick violinist... I think. It’s been a while. But, I remember him physically fighting with Robert Downey Jr (him in the back), so we’re adding to the action list:)

Here he is behind another white dude. And a another movie that we forgot about.

Here he is behind the white dude again... at least we know that white dude. 

Lemme look at the poster for “Project Power” again - 

aaaaah, see, now it makes sense to me why Gordon Joseph whatever-his-name-is looks so confused in the poster.

He’s like “Jamie, aren’t you supposed to be behind me?”

There are a few more, but we’ll end with this one...

Yeaaaaah... *sigh* Yeaaaaah. Let’s put that back in the vault.

Idk...

Somehow Tom Cruise, who's almost 60 and 5 foot 2 is so much more believable as an action star than Jamie Foxx.

Don't ask me how. It's one of the great mysteries of our time.

Oh right! - There WAS “Django Unchained”,

 but that had the absurdities of Quentin Tarantino and some comedy in it.

Maybe if they didn't take "Project Power" so seriously it would have worked.

I mean it's about drugs that give people temporary superpowers.  Drugs already give people powers (kinda):

1) Super Balance - idk about where y’all live, but here in Baltimore, there are leaners in every alley way exhibiting this power.

2) The ability to make your problems dis... well, not really disappear, but... you get the idea.

3) And loss of teeth! How about that one??! Pick them up, and use them as projectiles? YEAH!

But, these SUPER powers in the movie are more like speed, strength, fire, ice, all of the regulars.

The effects at times were good, 

but at other times it looked like a bad video game; with the dumbass boss fight as well.

Don't waste your time, people. I was hoping for Funny-Bad, but I got Sad-Bad. You know?? I kept thinking "*sigh* Oh, Jamie."

Have any of you seen "The Boys"? 

(a dark, but funny take on superheroes)

They could have done something like that. Jamie Foxx is hilarious, and that Gordon Joseph guy is pretty funny as well. Be creative. Be raw.

But, nope. They had to tell us a serious tale of a world where drug addicts have super powers, and comedians are our only hope for protection.

#project power #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #projectpower #jamie foxx #joseph gordon levitt #dominique fishback #comedians #praphit #superpowers #drugs #tom cruise #video games #machine gun kelly #eminem #Movie Reviews #action heroes #drug addicts #cops

[crimson-snowfall]

Hello ! I absolutely love your headcanons, so when I saw your askbox was open I jumped in. I wanted to Ask a headcanon for the ikevamp suitors (if you can't do all of them I really love Mozart, Napoléon, Vincent and Arthur... But I must admit that if you could do all of them it would be fantastic :)) ) with a MC with an eating disorder ? Because this was not really common during their Time and I Wonder how they would react ? Thank you so much and continue with the good work !)

Hey there sorry for the wait, I tried to do all characters but I’m simply running out of time (there are still 7 requests after this and I might close my ask box once uni starts again), so I did 8 of them… which is 2/3 of them all so I hope that’s fine with you too.

A little disclaimer, this topic kinda scared me at first because gone are the days of the internet where people don’t get offended by literally anything. Anyway MC’s eating disorder here is nothing too extreme, she just eats way too little to the point that the suitors can’t help but worry over how unhealthy it is sometimes.

Ikevamp HC request: Reacting to MC with eating disorder (Napoleon, Leo, Arthur, Vincent, Theo, Isaac, Dazai, Comte)

Napoleon

Napoleon is notably bewildered since he has ruled an empire in a time where famine is still a common occurrence. He asked you if famine occurs as often in the modern world, to which you reply that it doesn’t.

He genuinely wonders what could’ve brought about such condition in a time where food is abundant, so he turns to Sebastian for further enlightenment and advice.

As soon as Napoleon gained a deeper understanding about your condition and how certain standards from the society you came from might’ve had brought it about, he wrote down a list, which includes his favorite dishes, as well as the particularly scrumptious foreign dishes he had tasted in his human life.

Napoleon makes good use of his culinary talent, and uses your curiosity over the variety of dishes you’ve never seen in your life as a motivation to discover more recipes so he can keep on feeding you new things and keep you healthy.

Leo

At some point in his life, Leo was a vegetarian, so he knew what it’s like to have people questioning your choices in food. Thus, it comes naturally that he out of all the residents in the mansion would understand you the most.

However, he acknowledges the fact that you’re eating way too less than you should, so he has found a way to subtly make sure you’re still getting enough nutrients from what little you eat.

Leo has put his genius mind into work by extracting essential nutrients from natural ingredients and somehow converted them into spices. He has discretely asked Sebastian to put them in your meals. The rich taste enhanced your appetite and improved your preference for certain meals.

Arthur

Upon hearing about your condition, Arthur takes it as a challenge to keep you healthy without overstepping your boundaries, and without you realizing that he’s began to give you some special treatment.

Your dates became more often and Arthur has kept a watchful eye on you every time you eat, rigorously taking a mental note on your eating habits and compiling this data so he can better deduce what foods you prefer from the rest.

Once Arthur has completed this period of initial observation, he immediately puts his plan into action. Every other day, Arthur would bring you breakfast in bed, where he would serve you the dishes he figured you like the most.

At first his cooking is average, but as he continued observing you, in several months he managed to perfect the array of meals that gives you a well-balanced diet.

Vincent

Vincent grew very concerned upon learning about your condition and tries to find out more about it. In fact, he’s become so pre-occupied with the thought as to what food you may like that he subconsciously ended up painting a lot of portraits of food.

The food in his paintings looked insanely mouthwatering to you, and you ended up having cravings for those foods. Once Vincent had realized this, he asked Sebastian for the list of dishes that would be served for the next few days, and painted them.

Your appetite has considerably improved in the following days and overtime has gradually approached satisfactory levels of normal food intake. Thankfully, Theo doesn’t seem to mind his brother had developed a habit of painting food every other day.

Theo

One time, you fainted from eating so little, which earned you a severe scolding from Theo. The two of you got into a heated argument, and it is only when you explained to Theo about your condition did he calm down.

Theo apologized to you the next day, but told you that you can’t keep doing that to yourself and he will definitely figure out a way to keep the incident of you fainting from happening again.

Theo doesn’t want to be forceful about it, so he takes it slowly but surely. One day he told you that he believes that “Food becomes more enjoyable when you share it with your loved ones,” and asked you if you would like to eat his pancakes with him.

With his method, you eventually acquired his addiction for pancakes, but Theo knows you need more than pancakes to stay healthy. That’s how Theo began making his own pancakes for you with secret ingredients he researched himself that will provide you with all your other basic nutritional needs.

Isaac

As a vampire with an unusual condition that gives him an extraordinary appetite, Isaac can relate to you one way or another.

Isaac thinks of your condition in a similar way he thinks of his, that you have no control over it and thus you can expect him to be the last person who’s going to tell you that it’s your choice to be like that.

However, Isaac still feels bad for you because on the other hand, he has you to satisfy his hunger. So he thought that the least he could do for you is to give you something in return for always sating his hunger.

It surprised you when Isaac suddenly got into cooking. While the meals he prepares for you certainly does end up tasting strange, you just can’t have enough of his cooking after seeing him put in the effort and the embarrassed expression he makes when he asks if you if it even tastes edible.

Dazai

Dazai listens attentively to you as you explain your condition to him. He looked like his usual whimsical self as he offered you some words of comfort about it.

Unbeknownst to you, Dazai was already coming up with an idea on how he could possibly help you with your condition as you told him about it.

Every now and then, you would find a neatly wrapped box of bento on your bed. Being stuck in 19th century France, you couldn’t help but miss Japanese food so you end up having a feast to yourself every time this happens. Not to mention how ridiculously good the dishes taste.

Dazai skillfully dodges any confrontation about it but that unmistakable genuine smile of contentment you rarely see on his face afterwards confirms your suspicions. You’re curious whether Dazai prepares these dishes himself, but knowing that he goes to such lengths to keep you healthy deeply warms your heart.

Comte

Comte’s expression didn’t show it, but he was a bit horrified to hear about your eating disorder (mainly because he feels like he can’t spoil you that much on your fancy dates with him). The next time the door to the modern time opened, he didn’t return for at least three days.

In the time that he spent in the modern world, Comte got in touch with a team of health and diet experts and sought advice on how to deal with your condition. Of course, he hasn’t told you about this.

The changes were not abrupt, so you didn’t notice how the meals being prepared for you changed in variety and nature overtime, but whatever it is, it was doing a good job of promoting your appetite.

You also noticed new dishes in the menu of the fancy restaurants he often takes you to, which reminds you of the unique assortment of ingredients in the meals you usually have in the mansion.

Next HC request will be up in a few hours or so because I got busy with enrollment yesterday and couldn’t post one for yesterday, thanks for being patient with me~

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikemen series #ikevamp napoleon #ikevamp leo #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp theodorus #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp headcanon #ikemen vampire theo #ikemen vampire napoleon #ikevamp theo #ikemen vampire leo #ikemen vampire leonardo #ikemen vampire vincent #ikemen vampire isaac #ikemen vampire arthur #ikemen vampire theodorus #ikemen vampire dazai #ikemen vampire comte #comte de saint germain #ikevamp headcanons #ikemen vampire headcanon #ikemen vampire headcanons #ikemen headcanon

[thepandapopo]

A Step Through Time Chapter 2: Context

I'm trying something different.

My previous chapter was written in active voice because I generally prefer writing like that (more engaging, easier to write etc. ), but I wanted to practice writing in passive voice as well. I've read so many fics lately where authors write in past tense and passive voice and it's absolutely AMAZING, and I wish i could do that too. Thus, I've decided that any Felix centric chapters I write will all be in active since he's technically from the future so present tense is as close as I can get, and any Sylvain centric chaps will be written in passive voice/past tense since it's in 'the past'. ish. kinda.

Pairing: Sylvain x Felix

Synopsis:

In which Sylvain wallows in his self hatred before Felix comes to provide him context.

OR

The one where Sylvain is so incredibly dense and Felix has to all but spell it out for him.

Please consider following me on Twitter to receive progress updates and notifications when I post chapters! If you would like to be added to a tag list for this fic, please send me a message :)

Fatherhood suited Felix.

But then again, Sylvain thought absently to himself, he always knew that it would. Although Felix put up an exterior that was colder than the frigid Faerghus winters, he was always patient and gentle with children; never hesitating to unwearyingly pass down his swordsmanship if asked.

Sylvain had always loved children, but the problem was that he did not love women. At least, not in the way that was needed to be able to actually form a healthy relationship and conceive a child. Years of being pressured with talks of marriage proposals and being clinically ogled by women who only saw him for his crest had left a bitter taste in his mouth. Not to mention he would never want his child to be shackled with the burden of a crest in this world. A crest wasn’t a status of nobility like everyone believed. No, it was a death sentence given shortly after birth.

He would be lying though, if he said that he had never imagined a faceless red haired child running into his arms with gleeful shouts of ‘Daddy!’ ringing off the halls of the Gautier estate.

But Felix. Felix had never cared about crests. No, Felix had always liked Sylvain for Sylvain. The youngest Fraldarius had always had a knack for stripping away the red head’s carefully constructed masks, peeling them away with his eyes like they were paper thin and nothing more than a slight hindrance, piercing down to his very core and laying bare everything that Sylvain was. And even when he stripped away all the beautiful lies and cover ups and only the gross ugly truth of who Sylvain Jose Gautier remained… even then, Felix never turned away from him.

Future Felix was… different.

Sylvain wouldn’t necessarily say that Future Felix was purposely ignoring him, but he was most definitely going out of his way to avoid interacting with the Gautier. Even now, as Sylvain stood partially obscured by the shadow of one of the monastery pillars watching the older swordsman sit patiently while his daughter – Sophia Gabriella Fraldarius, was how Future Felix introduced her - gleefully weaved an impressive assortment of wildflowers into his long midnight hair, Sylvain felt a tightness in his chest.

Although Sylvain entertained the idea of one day siring a child, he would give up that dream in a heartbeat for the chance to spend the rest of life with Felix.

He wanted Felix, or he wanted no one.

But Sophie… little Sophie was proof that Felix did not feel the same.

Goddess. He had taken lances to the stomach, and even been nearly burned alive by a Bolganone spell, but none of those could compare to the pain of having his deepest hope undeniably ripped away from him.

“Sylvain.”

He nearly gave himself whiplash with how quickly he swiveled to face the newcomer behind him.

“Oh hey, Professor! Didn’t see you there.”

“Are you spying on Future Felix and Sophie?”  Her mint eyes fixed on him in a cool, calm manner just daring him to lie to her.

“Ahaha…” he scratched the back of his head. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, for one, you’re hiding in the shadows.”

“Professor! I am wounded that you doubt me so.” He clutched his chest dramatically.

Although he knew that his puppy eyes never worked on his former teacher, years of carefully fabricated masks made it second nature and he felt his face contort into a sad pout before his mind could catch up.

Maybe this was why Felix ended up marrying someone else.

How could he ever want someone as fake and broken as Sylvain?

“Sylvain.”

“Professor, I swear I was just passing by and momentarily paused to see what they were doing.” Not a complete lie; Technically Sylvain had just been passing through the courtyard when he spotted Future Felix casually sitting on the grass, carefully watching Sophie as she went digging through the wilder patches of vegetation that had been ignored while they restored the rest of the monastery, on a hunt for any kinds of flowers she could get her hands on.

Except that was close to ten minutes ago and he most definitely was spying now.

Byleth looked at him with an expression that he could only describe as torn between complete skepticism and sympathy.

“Very well, if you insist.” Sylvain felt his shoulders sag with relief. “I will see you at our roundtable strategy meeting this afternoon?” She turned to leave but turned her head towards him waiting for his answer.

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Byleth nodded her farewell and Sylvain watched as her overcoat fluttered in her wake. He would have to be more careful around her – the last thing he wanted was for her to invite him to a tea party so that she could grill him on why he was so distracted lately.

It wasn’t his fault that the presence of a certain child was making him act out of sorts.

“Sylvie!”

Speaking of.

Sylvain turned and smiled down at Sophie who was grinning at him. In her grubby little hands, she held out a drooping orange pansy.

“Oh, is this for me?” Sylvain kneeled down so that he was eye level with Sophie and reached out to accept the flower. Before he could wrap his much larger hand around the delicate stem, she quickly retracted her hand.

“For you! In your hair like Papa.”

The bright orange would look washed out in his own brightly colored hair, but he could not bring himself to care and bent his head to allow Sophie better access. When she was finished, she gave his head a little pat of satisfaction and he winked at her. “Does it make me look pretty?”

“Sylvie is always pretty! But not as pretty as Papa.”

“Oh, is that so?” From the corner of his eye, Sylvain watched as Future Felix approached and plastered on the most convincing casual grin he could muster. “Well, I suppose I cannot argue with that. Your Papa is very pretty after all. Probably the prettiest I’ve ever seen.”

“Insufferable as always.” Felix rolled his eyes and settled against the stone pillar next to him. The words were familiarly harsh, but the lack of bite behind it made it seem odd.

Ignoring the nervous coil in his gut, Sylvain turned his attention back to the little Fraldarius child. “He looks especially pretty with all the flowers. You did such a wonderful job, Sophie!”

Goddess, current Felix was already strikingly handsome, but Future Felix was in a whole other league. While he normally kept his hair up in a long ponytail, today he decided to wear it down in a braid that cascaded over one shoulder, tumbling in a waterfall of ink ending just slightly below his chest. The stark contrast of the bright flowers in his hair served as a glaring reminder that this Felix was much softer and settled in his own skin than his Felix was.

Silence descended on the pair as Sophie dashed back into the tall grass to pick more flowers ‘to make Sylvie a crown’.

“So…”

“You don’t have to talk, you know.” Sylvain let out a nervous chuckle. At least the future Felix was still blunt and straight to the point.

“Sorry. Nervous habit.”

“…I know.”

Of course, he did. Felix could always read him like an open book; though whether that was from a literal lifetime of friendship or if it was because he was the only one to actually take the time to get to know Sylvain as a person was entirely up for debate.

It took an embarrassingly long time for Sylvain to calm his heartbeat, but after he had managed to wrangle his growing attraction to the future version of his crush, Sylvain had to admit that the quiet companionship was…nice. Not that he would ever say that aloud – given his reputation of putting his foot in his mouth whenever it came to Felix, Sylvain was one hundred percent sure that he would somehow mess things up even more, leading to the Future Felix avoiding him even more than he was already.

He didn’t want Felix to avoid him. Either Felix. But ever since Sophie showed up, his Felix began drawing away and sequestering himself even more than usual.

“…Just spit it out already.”

“What?”

To anyone else, they would have described the look that Felix had on his face as exasperated, but Sylvain knew better. Though he lacked the rigid set of his shoulders that he was used to seeing in his Felix, his crossed arms and cock of the hip was the same as always – closed off from the world like he couldn’t care les. However, the liquid molten amber of his eyes was enough to show that he was willing to wait for as long as it took Sylvain to share.

“Silence doesn’t suit you,” Felix snorted. “No matter how many times I tell you to shut up, you never seem to take my advice. The only time you actually stop blathering on is when you have something you want to say but you’re too scared to do it.”

Suddenly Sylvain wished that Future Felix would go back to avoiding him.

“Sorry. I just-“

“Sylvain.”

Backed into a corner, Sylvain blurted out the one thing that had made a permanent home in his mind ever since he had laid eyes on their time travelling guest.

“I like your hair like this. Long, I mean.” The words tumbled out of his mouth in a rush. “It suits you.”

For a moment, Felix looked at him with an inscrutable look – almost like he was sizing him up while also trying to supress some unknown emotion.

After a brief pause, the only response that Sylvain received was a short but amused, “I know.”

Sylvain felt his eyebrow rise in surprise. “You know? What does that mean?”

“Someone told me that they preferred me with long hair. So, I decided to grow it out.”

“Seriously?” Felix had once chewed him out for simply suggesting that he buy an pair of fancier boots for formal functions, so the idea that he would grow out the one thing he took pride in his appearance for someone else was, for lack of a better word, complete bullshit. “You’re growing out your hair because someone told you they preferred you with long hair? I know for a fact that it annoys you if it grows past your shoulders and you never really cared for other’s opinions, so what’s the real reason?”

Felix shrugged, dislodging a white daisy in the process and sending it tumbling down before he caught it and returned it to its rightful place. “Believe what you will. You know I don’t lie.”

It was true. In all their years as friends, Felix had never once lied to Sylvain; not even when he was spitting mad at him for jumping into danger headfirst or missing training for a date with another nameless girl.

Whoever said it, they clearly had a lot of sway in Felix’s opinion. Which meant that they must be extremely close to him; close enough that he – oh.

“Did your…” Fuck why was his throat so dry all of a sudden? “Did your wife tell you that?”

Of all the responses that he had expected to receive, a violent choke and spluttering was not one of them.

“My what? Goddess, no.” Felix clutched his chest as he wheezed and glared at Sylvain with exasperation. “Don’t be stupid.”

“What’s so stupid about that? It’s a pretty solid guess, in my opinion.” Sylvain willed his voice to stay light and aloof even while his heart was twisting and doing flip flops in his chest. “You’d only listen to someone who you really cared about, and seeing as you’re married-“ he jabbed a finger at the glittering onyx band, “-I assume that your significant other would be the only one who could possibly influence your appearance choices.”

Everything in Sylvain’s body screamed at him to drop the subject and run away as fast as possible, but his curiosity made him stay even though his chest felt like Raphael had dropped one of his large training boulders on him. Distantly, a part of Sylvain’s mind wondered that he might possibly be a masochist.

“You…” Felix frowned at him and straightened to face Sylvain fully. “You really don’t know, do you?”

Tilting his head, Sylvain felt his brows scrunch up even as the question left his lips. “Know what?”

Clearly, he had missed a memo and was very interested in remedying that.

“Shit, I know you told me but I didn’t really think that it was true. There was no way it could be true.” The hand adorned with his wedding band came up to scrub down his eyes. It was odd seeing Future Felix look this uncertain; for a guy who had literally lived the present day already, it was strange that something could cause him to look so conflicted.

“Sylvain, you’ve never once gotten me to come with you to ‘pick up girls’, so what on earth makes you think I have a wife?”

“Uh. I don’t know, maybe your wedding band?!”

“Sylvain. I don’t like women.”

Yeah well, neither did Sylvain, but that was neither here nor there.

“You don’t need to like women to get married and have a kid.” Felix couldn’t argue with that. Sylvain was literally the poster boy for a noble trapped in a life of obligation to his crest. “Which you clearly do.” To prove his point, Sylvain jerked his thumb over towards where Sophie was still digging through the dirt and pulling out flowers by the bunches, adding them to the already overflowing mismatched bouquet in her other hand.

Felix’s hand twitched and Sylvain had the vaguest feeling that the man was trying his best not to stab him.

“No, Sylvain.” Uh oh. There was that tone again. “I don’t like women. At all.”

“Yeah, Fe. I get it. Women are awful.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Why can’t you just understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Because you’re not telling me anything to help me understand! Give me context, or something.” Sylvain threw his hands up in the air in frustration. Clearly Felix did not learn to improve his communication in his extra twelve years of existence.

“Fine.” Felix groused. “You want context? I’ll give you context. Sophie!”

At the mention of her name, Sophie perked up from her place in the tall grass and hurried to scramble over, trampling some poor flowers and quite a large number of weeds in the process.

“Yes, Papa?” There are smears of dirt on her face and grass stains streaked across her dress, but despite it all, Sylvain thought that she still looked as radiant as ever. Of course, that was a given since any child of Felix’s was bound to be beautiful.

“Do you remember what I told you before about not mentioning that word?” Felix kneeled and tucked a loose crimson lock back in place.

Sophie nodded.

“I’m going to ask you a question that I want you to answer. Don’t worry about breaking the promise, okay? It’s fine to mention it just this once.”

“Okay, Papa.”

Felix’s gaze locked on Sylvain’s and he could literally feel the weight and purpose behind his stare.

He wanted context? Felix was more than happy to deliver.

“Sophie, can you tell Sylvie where you got your sword?”

Sword? What in Fodlan did a sword have anything to do with -

“It was a gift from Papa and Daddy!”

Sylvain’s thoughts screech to a halt.

Papa and…Daddy?

Sylvain. I don’t like women.

I don’t like women. At all.

For the second time today, Sylvain had half a mind to feel embarrassed at how slowly he put the pieces together; only managing to gape at Felix who looks half relieved that Sylvain finally, finally understands, but also half apprehensive.

Holy shit.

Felix fucking Fraldarius was gay.

#felix x sylvain #felix hugo fraldarius #sylvain jose gautier #A step through time #popo writes #fanfiction #Fire Emblem Three Houses #fire emblem 3 houses #fe3h #alternate universe #azure moon #verdant wind #AM and VW routes mash up #original character #sophia gabriella fraldarius gautier

[fleckcmscott]

Watch What Happens - Chapter 22

Chapter links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21

Summary: Arthur, an aspiring comedian, has struggled to find normalcy and compassion his entire life. Y/N, a hard-working paralegal and transplant to Gotham, has just been put on a case for the Wayne Foundation. When they meet, unexpected sparks fly.

Chapter warning: Angst, Swearing

Words: 3,372

A/N: Again, special thanks to @ithinkimawriter​ for beta-reading this chapter and her encouragement! All the love goes to her!

It was hard for Arthur to fathom that he was backstage at his idol's show. Being there in the dressing room, sitting in front of the vanity mirror with all its lights, was incredible. If he hadn't been able to feel the bristles of the brush when he put foundation on, the cool of the water as he drank it out of the fancy glass they'd provided, or perceive the way the warm smoke from his cigarette filled his lungs with every drag, he would have been sure this was all make-believe.

The nearby table had a set of bowls with various snacks. He wasn't hungry, but he tried them anyway, wanting to keep himself busy. The round, beige nuts, a variety had hadn't eaten before, had a buttery flavor he liked - he'd have to ask Y/N what kind they were when she got there. And there were individually wrapped pieces of chocolate with a gooey center - he stuck a few of those in his pocket for later. There was also a gelatin pyramid with fruit and marshmallows suspended in it; he stayed away from that completely.

Bouncing up and down on his feet, he hung onto the open front of his suit jacket, pulling at the soft, red fabric. He cocked his head and looked in the mirror. His hair was slicked back more neatly than at the open-mic night. The skin of his face was a bit smoother, the lines in it softened by make-up and the gentle lighting of the room. He'd done a good job with his appearance, he thought as he fixed the collar of his white shirt. Now he just had to get through his material.

He sat in the chair before the vanity and started paging through his notebook, chuckling to himself. It had been impossible to memorize everything he'd written the past few days, though he knew one or two jokes by heart. He sometimes had difficulty with retention, anyway. Reading his set would be sufficient if his delivery was correct. If he could get the words out, it would work.

There was a knock at the door, then it suddenly opened. More emotion than expected filled Arthur when he turned to see Murray Franklin, the man he'd fantasized of being loved and accepted by ever since he was a little boy. His chest tightened, and he didn't try to hide the watering of his eyes, rising from his chair excitedly and taking the man's hand. "I feel like I know you," Arthur said. "My mother and I have been watching you forever."

Murray simply smiled, nodded, and delivered instructions: nothing too edgy, no dirty jokes, and no cursing. Arthur would be right on after Dr. Sally. "Didn't you have a guest?"

"She's not here yet. But she will be," Arthur answered, nodding to convince himself Y/N would run into the room any minute.

"Good. Someone will come get you, okay? Good luck," Murray said.

"Thanks, Murray."

Once the the host left and the door closed behind him, Arthur eased into the make-up chair and let out a long breath. He glanced up at the clock on the wall. The airing of the show was going to start in ten minutes. She'll be here. She wouldn't miss this. She wouldn't do that to you. He turned to the news playing on television. All he could do was wait and hope she'd show up soon.

~~~~~

Getting into the building had been straightforward. The doorman had asked for Y/N's name, she'd said it was "Melissa Treble," and, after finding her on the guest list, he'd let her through the backstage entrance. He hadn't even asked for an ID. It left her wondering if they were always lax, or her still being dressed in her office clothes had helped. Despite the ease of entry, her heart was hammering in her chest. She held her handbag to her as if some invisible force might rip it away. Straightening the visitor badge clipped to her blouse, she tried to walk as nonchalantly as possible, searching for a map of the building.

When she found the elevators, she read the directory hanging between them carefully. NCB news studios were on the fourth floor, and the offices for it were on the fifth. She wasn't going to try to run into the studio while they were in the middle of a broadcast and get arrested for trespassing. That wouldn't do. She decided to look for the stairwell and walk to the offices' floor. The stairs would be less crowded, she assumed, making it unlikely she'd be seen.

As she climbed, her steps growing slower with every floor, she took off her heels. The concrete was cold on her nylon-stockinged toes. But the discomfort kept her focused on the task at hand instead of allowing her to fixate on being nervous. The anxiousness she felt wasn't only for herself, but also for Arthur. She knew what she was doing was a desperate, last ditch attempt at making a difference. That even if she succeeded in getting her information to someone, it didn't mean anything would be done with it.

But Arthur was putting himself out there, against her advice, on the show of the asshole who'd made fun of his disability. Though she hadn't seen him have an attack since last week, she hoped he wouldn't start laughing uncontrollably. And that his new stand-up wasn't only filled with cute jokes, which would invite unkind snickers. She simply wanted him to succeed. Perhaps that would help him shed the insecurity she knew he still carried, and he'd be free to display the grace she'd seen glimpses of when he dared to trust himself. Maybe he'd finally realize how terrific he was.

She rested against the railing when she reached the fifth floor, then opened the metal door leading out of the stairwell. Sticking her head into the hallway, she looked each way, relief filling her when she saw the emptiness of the perpendicular corridors. She snuck out and held her breath as she shut the door behind her. So far so good.

It was impossible for her to know which way to turn - it was a fifty/fifty chance either way - so she picked the way with the fewest illuminated office lights. Keeping her shoes in her hand, she walked quietly along the wall, reaching into her purse and grabbing the envelope with "NCB News" typed on the front. She needed to find a door labeled "reports" or "tips" or something, anything that sounded vaguely like they'd look at her notes instead of throwing them away.

"What do you mean you didn't receive the finance report? I faxed it over this afternoon," a man's voice said, coming from one of the nearby offices. Y/N slunk back, creeping into the door of an open, presently unoccupied office behind her. The sound of papers being shuffled echoed against the linoleum floor. She closed her eyes, trying hear his movements over the pounding pulse in her ears. "Hold on, hold on. I'll bring it down to you," the man continued.

At the sound of his chair scraping against the floor, she moved to crouch behind a desk. She bit her knuckle to stop a chuckle at the ridiculousness of a grown woman playing hide-and-seek in an office building. The man walked by, grumbling to himself the whole time. When she heard the distant ding of the elevator, she tip-toed to the door and looked into the hallway.

Y/N considered the best option. The man's office door was open. He had mentioned reports. This was as good a chance as any. She darted across the corridor, dropped the envelope on his desk, and scurried back towards the exit. Heading back to the stairwell, she broke into silent sprint as she got closer. She tried to stop before slamming into the door. But her slippery nylons caused her to slide and bang into it as it opened. Ignoring the possibility that she'd just given herself away, she started booking it down to the second floor so she could see Arthur.

The show was already being aired as she walked to his dressing room, trying to catch her breath. Monitors in the hallway were playing Dr. Sally's latest advice and Franklin's stupid quip about how he would try her tips with his next wife. When she reached the door labeled "Arthur Fleck," she didn't knock before opening it.

"Y/N..." Arthur sprang up from his chair and went to her, taking her hand in his. "I was afraid you wouldn't make it."

Smiling, she leaned back against the door and exhaled sharply. "I'm sorry," she said, giggling, trying to expel the stress in her body. "There were a lot of stairs. But, thanks to you, I did it." She laughed lightly, and started rummaging in her purse. "It's out of my hands now. Here," she said, pulling out a black-eyed Susan. She stuck it in his jacket pocket and gave it a light pat. Then she took a few seconds to look him over, appreciating how his suit accentuated the lankiness of his physique. "You look great. Are you nervous?"

The corner of his mouth crooked uncertainly as he angled his head to look down at the flower. "A little. But you're here." He gave a small shrug. "Maybe everything will be okay."

She only had a few moments to tighten his red and gold tie before a producer came to get him. The peck she gave Arthur was quicker than she would have liked, but he was already half out the door. With a grasp of his hand, she was able to stop him for a split second. "Be yourself and don't let them mock you."

~~~~~

Arthur closed his eyes as he waited behind the curtain to go on stage, a hint of ire joining the strains of anxious excitement in his frame. They were playing that terrible Pogo's tape again, and Murray was telling Dr. Sally he thought Arthur had problems. He needed to focus in order to do the entrance he'd practiced.

He stretched an arm in front of him, then circled his closed fists, one over the other, until an open hand was held over his head as he breathed out. Then he extended his arms, one in front of him and one back, as far as he could, before bringing his hand back to smooth down his chest and stomach. Arthur could sense the producer next to him staring his way as he performed his strange ballet, then stepping back from him. But Arthur didn't care. The movements would soothe and, he hoped, center him enough so he could get out onto that stage and say what wanted.

As the multi-color curtain was opened for him, he was struck by how blinding and hot the stage lights were. And the spotlight was a hell of a lot brighter than the one at Pogo's. Still, he stepped out with polish, gave the audience a confident nod and wave, and went to Murray's desk. After firmly shaking Murray's hand, he approached Dr. Sally. Compelling himself to be brave, he took her offered hand, kissed her cheek sweetly, and whispered a soft, "Thanks." She looked a bit confused, but he thought he detected amusement, too. Then he wiped off the yellow chair next to Murray's desk and sat down, adjusting himself and crossing his legs, his hands folded neatly in his lap.

His breath caught as he looked up into the audience. This was it. This was real. This was the culmination of a dream. There were hundreds of people sitting there, cheering for and seeing him. And there were even more at home watching him on television. His lips parted as his gaze roved over the crowd. He'd barely heard Murray speaking when his question broke through the haze he was in, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Arthur said quietly, nodding. "This is exactly how I imagined it."

"Well, that makes once of us," Murray quipped.

That and the audience's laughter brought Arthur back. He forced himself to smile and remember he wasn't there only as a guest. But also as a prop.

"So," Murray started. "I know you're a comedian. You live here in Gotham. Backstage you said you grew up watching this show with your mother?"

Turning to him, Arthur nodded, loosening his shoulders, trying to be self-assured. "That's right, Murray."

Murray gestured towards the camera almost directly in front of them. "Is she watching tonight? Do you want to say hi?"

Arthur knew greeting his mother would be the usual thing to do. But, apart from brief asides, he hadn't been able to think about Penny without angrily tearing up. He clenched his jaw and waved the suggestion away. "No."

After a pause, Murray continued. "Well, have you been working on any new material? You wanna tell us a joke?"

The throng in the studio roared, applause filling Arthur's ears. He didn't answer immediately, reveling in their attention. "Yeah?" he asked them, his beam becoming genuine. His throat clenched as he straightened his legs and put his hands on his knee. It was hard to believe, but they actually seemed to want to listen to him. "Okay." Flashing Murray a grin, he pulled his journal from the waistband of the back of his trousers.

Murray started in on Arthur as he soon as he began flipping through the pages. "He's got a book. A book of jokes." As Arthur searched, Murray continued to badger. "Take your time. We've got all night."

Arthur gave Murray side-eye and chuckled to himself as he found what he was looking for. "Okay, okay. Here's one." He swallowed, then took a deep breath. "Knock knock"

Murray pointed at the book. "And you had to look that up?"

At the sound of everyone laughing at him, Arthur’s face became serious. Murray was already making the effort to be mean to him. Arthur looked at Murray's co-host, seated next to Dr. Sally on the couch. His guffaws were the loudest. "I wanna get it right," Arthur said earnestly. "Knock knock."

"Who's there?" Murray answered exaggeratedly.

"It's the police, ma'am. Your son jumped off of Wayne Tower." Arthur started to snicker. "He's dead."

"Oh, no, no, no." Dr. Sally rounded on him as the audience groaned. "No. You cannot joke about that!"

Murray sounded annoyed. "Yeah, that's not funny, Arthur." He tapped his cue cards against his desk, addressing the crowd as he admonished him. "That's not the kind of humor we do on this show."

"Okay. I'm-" Nodding furiously, Arthur continued. "Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just, you know..." He tightened his mouth. "It's been a rough few days, Murray." Sniffling, he tried to smile though the pain welling in him. "My mother having a stroke, finding out I was abused as a kid, trying to meet my father."

Murray pressed his lips together before seemingly deciding to try to save the segment. "It sounds like you had a tough week." Arthur flinched when Murray nudge his arm with his elbow. "Come on, tell us another wisecrack. But a family one, this time." he said, pasting on a showbiz smile.

Arthur rolled his eyes and closed his book. "Why is everyone so upset about my joke?" he asked.

Murray began to scold him. "Because that's too serious to kid about. People who would try that are sick. We should-"

"I've been that person," Arthur said, throwing his forearm down on his leg. "And if it was me dying on the sidewalk, you'd walk right over me." He drew his brows together, turning more fully in his seat. "You think it's funny to play my video, to invite me here to make fun of me, but I can't joke about what I know?"

There was disbelief in Murray's face, as if he couldn't believe Arthur was calling him on his bullshit. "That video got you here. On the biggest TV show in Gotham." The crowd cheered. They seemed to be taking Murray's side.

Fury grew in Arthur as they brushed off his words. "Comedy is subjective, Murray. Isn't that what they say?” Didn't the people of this city know the harm they'd caused him over the years? That tape had tormented him. And they didn’t even realize they were laughing because of his condition. “All of you," he said straight to the audience, "the system that knows so much, decides what's right or wrong. The same way you decide what's funny," he pointed at himself, "or not." Giggling, he indicated Murray.

Murray was looking over Arthur's shoulder as he spoke. "Look, Arthur, if you're not careful, we're going to have to stop this interview."

Arthur felt like he was being ignored, again. They thought what he had to say wasn't worth the air it took to speak it. He tried to take a deep breath, reminding himself Y/N was watching backstage. That he could finally look forward to the weeks ahead because, at last, someone loved him.

But as much as her affection had improved his life, helped him get through every day, it wasn't enough to erase his hurt and anger. And now that he had this platform and was being seen, now that he'd opened his mouth, he couldn't stop talking. His volume rose as he continued. "Have you seen what it's like out there, Mur-ray? Do you ever actually leave the studio? I've been in enough observation rooms to make a few observations."

The wetness in his eyes distracted him for only a moment before he continued. "Nobody’s civil anymore!” he yelled. But then his voice got quiet, cracking on his next words. “Nobody thinks what it's like to be the other guy."

He thought of the possibility of being thrown out of his apartment, and Mr. Wayne socking him in the face when all he wanted to do was talk. "You think men like Thomas Wayne ever think what it's like to be someone like me? To be somebody but themselves? They don't. They just think we'll sit there and take it."

Murray scoffed at him. "There's so much self-pity, Arthur. I'll tell you-"

"And you're awful, Murray."

“Me? I’m awful?” Murray sounded incensed. “Oh, yeah? How am I awful?”

The skin of Arthur's chin trembled as he tried to hold himself together. "I never had a father growing up. I always wished he was you. I loved you. But you're just like the rest of 'em."

Murray folded his arms and leaned on his desk, narrowing his eyes at him. “You don’t know the first thing about me, pal. I invited you on here and all you're doing is insulting me.”

Arthur swallowed and looked up at the ceiling, pressing his lips together. "How about another joke, Mur-ray?"

"I think we've heard enough of your jokes," Murray said sternly.

If he was about to get kicked off, Arthur wanted to end with a zinger. "What's the worst part of having a mental illness?" he started, feeling tears start despite his efforts to hold them back.

Murray nodded towards someone in the back. "Gene, cut to commerci-"

Arthur interrupted, his voice breaking. "People expect you to behave as if you don't."

It got quiet, then. Arthur decided no one knew how to respond to the reality in the joke he'd just told. As the silence from the audience, the other guests, and Murray lingered, he started chuckling. He placed his hand on the arm of the chair and squeezed, wiping at his eyes with the heel of his palm as his body shook and he bent forward with laughter.

After a minute, he heard the click of high-heels approaching. When Y/N knelt in front of him, he met her gaze and let out a breath of relief. "Y/N," he said, swiping at his nose. She'd put her hand on his knee. He reached to cover it with his fingers, holding tight. "You're still here," he whispered.

The corner of her mouth quirked up as she nodded, her eyes rimmed red. She squeezed gently as she addressed him with a shaky voice. "Let's go home."

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added!): @harmonioussolve​ @clowndaddyfleck​ @sweet-nothings04​ @stephieraptorr​ @rommies​@invisiblewispofwhimsey @let-the-stars-fall-in-the-abyss​ @gruffle1​

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck fanfic #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck x ofc #arthur fleck x female reader #joker 2019 #watchwhathappens

[daydreamindollie]

j.ww | soft hearted

Pairing: j.wonwoo x f.reader

Length: 13k

Genre: soulmate!au (kinda) ; university!au ; strangers2lovers ; domestic violence  

Summary: You were a sweet girl looking for love and protection, he was a stoic man avoiding love at all costs. It's only fitting that the two of you cross paths.

A/N: I really don't know how to feel about this fic or this alternate universe I came up with. I haven't planned everything out so that's why the roles of the hearts aren't as well described here or as influential to the plot as I want them to be but I'll be sure to establish the ordinance of this universe as soon as I can. I'm sorry if the plot seems rushed or fast-paced at all throughout this oneshot, I kept replanning, redrafting and rewriting it but, unfortunately, this is the version I am most satisfied with. I might edit this in the future but that all depends on how much time I have to spare because this took me ages! Oh my goodness! I hope it's a good read for you though! And, hopefully, the next member's story won't take as long as Wonwoo's

In a universe where people carry around their hearts, with some wearing them on their sleeves and others tucking them into the breast pocket of their blazers and out of people’s sight, Wonwoo appeared to be the only one adamant at keeping his at home and off his person when moving about. It wasn’t as though he was embarrassed by his heart or anything, it’s just that, carrying around his heart like most people usually would, was a heavy burden on him, quite literally. Everyone’s heart had a trait that matched the personality of the person they represented and, although they were all as unique as the person that owned them, they all had a similar trait. They were unbreakable - harder than diamond and more precious than any jewel. Despite this physical resilience to external forces, however, they can be fractured by one thing and one thing only: heartbreak.

Wonwoo’s heart was much like the rest in this quality, however, his heart had undergone a phenomenon he’d prefer to keep to himself rather than alert the cardiologists, who specialised in the field of hand-held hearts. Before his first heartbreak, Wonwoo’s heart was soft, in any way shape or form. Its surface was smooth like the finest silk and it was rather sizeable too, almost reaching farther than his fingertips when held in the center of his palm. Not only that but his heart had the viscosity of fluffy marshmallows. Looking back on the time his heart was of that state was laughable because it directly matched his personality: funny and sweet, soft and malleable to any given situation. Now, however, he was hardly like that and so was his heart.

Heartbreak really changed him as a person and usually, people who suffered through that would go through therapy or counseling with their heartbreaker in order to avoid any desperate change their heart and they, themselves, would make in response to the pain of heartbreak. Sometimes, breaking another person’s heart was punishable as a crime simply because of the adverse effect it can have on an individual, and so, it was always taught to children at a young age that when given the responsibility of another person’s heart, they should handle it with the utmost care. Wonwoo never had the pleasure of going through therapy or counseling for his heartbreak; he merely didn’t want the pity and stigma that came when people found out that he had gone through something like that, and he knows for certain that many people would be alerted of his suffering. If people had ever once been heartbroken in their lives it was put in their medical records as a signpost that their heart was more breakable now than before, he also didn’t want the sympathy of others if he were to enter the heartbreak clinic. He just wanted to avoid all the trivial attention.

And so, Wonwoo left his heart alone, to change and morph into stone. He didn’t know what stone it was but it was still as unbreakable as ever, with the exception of the damage heartbreak had brought - he wouldn’t dare test that out. Alongside the change of his heart, Wonwoo also made a drastic change in personality; now he was mostly silent and stoic, inclined to keep to just himself and his group of friends. He had become as quiet and as still as his heart of stone.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. Wonwoo saw the change to be good because now, he wasn’t so easily fooled by others and their perfidious promises, he was also able to keep away other people, which only lowered the chances of him ever feeling heartbreak again. The only problem was that his heart, now, weighed so much more than it used to and it wasn’t as if Wonwoo had spaghetti arms either; he had managed to weigh the thing once and it was rounded down to 12.5kg. He already had many books to carry as a literature major so it was only an inessential added weight that Wonwoo had no desire of lugging around every day, so it just had to stay home atop his bedside table.

Despite the heartbreak he had suffered through alone, he was admired and sought out by many girls, who would confront him about their feelings if it weren’t for his reputation - his reputation to coldly reject those that even breathed a word to him about anything concerning love. Many rumors make their way around university campus about him and his chilling demeanor, some suspect that he has no heart, others believe he's experienced heartbreak and some just think it’s who he is as a person. The first was simply ridiculous because everyone has a heart but the last two were fairly accurate in their own right. Wonwoo can’t find it in himself to care, however, because they weren’t ever going to find out, he’s only told his closest friends, who have been sworn to secrecy, and he doesn’t plan on telling anyone else, he hasn’t even told his parents.

The tall, expressionless boy simply goes through lectures breezily before huddling up in the corner of the campus library with his nose stuck in-between the pages of an invigorating book. Reading the words of the many writers he admires, envelopes him with daydreams that project the images being described on the woody pages perfectly. It’s the only time he feels like his old self again when his emotions were as vibrant as the colours and shapes he sees through the metal frames of his circular glasses. Maybe that’s why he was so addicted to books and why he had chosen his major when he, previous to the heartbreak, knew nothing of what he wanted to be when he was older.

In spite of his cold manner, all he genuinely wants to do is comfort others, others that could be going through or had already gone through heartbreak. He knows that he can simply become another therapist and garner the same repercussions but it won’t be the same, it won’t provide the same satisfaction as publishing a book because, at least, that comes with the knowledge that his words of comfort and advice can reach others worldwide. He also doesn’t want to provide the usual therapy that focuses directly on the cause, he’d rather provide comfort subtly and in a more enjoyable way. This can only be achieved through the tellings of a story, is what Wonwoo concluded years ago when he had given his future a truly deep and long thought.

Now, he’s here, surrounded by friends and reaching towards a dream as he bites down on a sandwich, ensuring that the crumbs don’t fall into the book held in his hands. He and his twelve other friends occupied a good stretch of the tables provided at the cafeteria and he had hopes that others would be able to bypass him when glancing over but he was wrong much like how he is always mistaken when thinking optimistically about things.

“Look, he’s right there!”

“Isn’t he handsome? So mysterious and cold. He’s just the guy for me.”

“You better watch out, he’s stone-cold when it comes to love confessions. He’s rejected everyone that’s come his way with the intentions of capturing his heart. It's like he doesn't care about whether he breaks someone's heart or not,”

Wonwoo heard a sigh, “And he was so perfect…”

“It’s better to just treat him like art and admire from afar.”

Wonwoo loves following his simple routine and, therefore, has one for everything: for how he should get ready for bed, for what he should do in the morning, for when he should eat his meals, for his university days...the list goes on. Today was another university day for him and both of the lectures he needed to attend today were back-to-back in the early morning, which left him the rest of the day to do with what he wanted. These days were his favourite because after getting work done in the morning he didn’t feel as guilty for spending most of the day he had left in the library and drowning in the river of words in the abundance of books that surrounded him provided.

For most of the day, his routine was the same; he had attended both of his lectures and had eaten his lunch at his preferred cafe, situated right beside the campus library, which was his final destination for the time being. The moment the tall young man had entered the library, however, he was having to spend an extended minute beside the front desk, attempting to process the fact that the elderly lady that used to sit at the desk was no longer there and was now replaced by a wrinkle-free face that adorned the cutest button nose and most innocuous sparkling doe eyes he had ever seen.

“Good afternoon, sir,” you chirp happily up at the stoic man towering over you. He was very handsome, with a slim face and proportionate body, he also adorned cute circular-framed glasses that you weren’t a big fan of but appreciated that they looked good on him. The only thing that put you off of his appearance was that he was absolutely expressionless and when you saw that he wasn’t going to greet you back, your heart sank into your stomach, causing the one in your pocket to become heavy, almost pushing you to tilt down with it. You were able to resist, however, as the male curtly nodded and hurried away, behind a shelving unit of dense books. In doing this, the weight of your heart became light again and the pout that itched to trace your lips was now gone.

Brushing the swift and minorly callous greeting to the back of your mind, you continued on with what your job required. You still had a few minutes left until you had to switch places with someone else and take over their job of restocking the books into their original places. It was a job nobody tended to enjoy but you were eager to get started; it was a new experience and you’d much rather be accompanied by books than other people right now, especially because of that daunting, earlier exchange. Yup, you definitely couldn’t wait to immerse yourself with books that needed stacking.

Many minutes drawled by and your colleague came back, flashing you a smirk as you switched places, it was if they were wishing you good luck with the task. It was a silent wish you felt as though you didn’t need at first but now that you were wheeling around piles of books in a cart twice your size, you were beginning to understand why people had a deep dislike for this duty. You were also left with the pile of books that needed to be stacked in the far corner of the large library. It was an exciting place to explore but not when you were having to sweat buckets just from pushing the cart of books around.

When you finally reached the area that required the majority of books you needed to replace onto their shelves, you wiped at the sweat on your brow before huffing a sigh and beginning to hum to yourself. Humming, was your own way of giving yourself therapy. It was never for serious things, just for when you needed to calm down or needed your mind to be brought elsewhere to distract you from things you didn’t want to confront. It was your own commiseration for when there wasn’t anyone around you to lean on.

You were just minding your own business, getting on with work that needed to get done for pay and didn’t realise the pair of eyes lingering on your figure from the little nook tucked away in a secluded part of the library that hardly anyone noticed. It was a quaint quarter that had the books not many people tended to take out and so it was the perfect place for Wonwoo to set himself up in for an entire afternoon and evening of reading. Of course, there was the occasional person that needed a book from that area but they never stayed long and hardly noticed the tucked-away alcove Wonwoo always occupied. It was a little corner wedged with an antique armchair and a small table with which sat a desk lamp. It was perfect for Wonwoo to read in peace. It also seemed to be a perfect place to watch others - especially cute librarians - move through the tall shelving units.

Earlier, when you had greeted him, Wonwoo was too shocked and afraid to greet you back, he regrets it now but he hopes that one day, the two of you could become acquaintances, at the very least. Deep inside him, however, he yearned for something more. The reason being that he usually hated it when others made any noise around him as he wanted to read in only the company of silence, making any form of noise the antithesis of that. However, he seemed to like your humming; it wasn’t disturbing or distracting at all, in fact, it just added to the relaxed atmosphere he found much delight in. He hadn't a clue why he suddenly had the urge to feel close to you and it was fairly incongruous but he paid no mind to it at that moment.

When you were tucked into the front desk and seated, Wonwoo wasn’t given the opportunity to survey how cute your outfit was. You looked really adorable. The main palette of colour you were draped in were nudes and browns, your pleated skirt was a sweet, walnut brown that you had tucked your maple jumper into. If you weren’t charming already, the white-collar peeking out from underneath your jumper made him feel warm in the chest as he continued staring as you stacked books in your heeled boots, still unable to fully reach the highest shelf with the elevation they gave you. It was definitely an aesthetic that he found attractive, especially on you. This was a peculiar thought because he’s only met you today and he hasn’t even said a word to you yet.

It’s dangerous for him to be feeling this way. After his first and last heartbreak, hasn’t he already learned his lesson about falling in love? It can never end well.

Lost in thought from the conflicts of how strangely attractive you are to him but also how he needs to stop thinking about you or else he’ll find himself in the same situation he was in years ago, Wonwoo briskly loses touch with the happenings around him. Without realising, the tall male continues staring at you as the dispute in his mind goes back and forth long enough for you to turn around to the next shelf and register that the tall, handsome man who had basically ignored your greeting at the desk, was staring at you.

In his hands, you see a worn, hardcover book with aged pages and you instantly flush in embarrassment and shame. You probably disturbed his reading with your humming and by the stern stoic look he’s focusing intensely on you, it appears as though he’s eager to warn you of the disturbance you were making. Not wanting to perturb him further, you tuck your chin into your neck and get on with your work, no longer humming your supposedly disquieting tune.

It takes several moments for Wonwoo to register the fact that you had stopped humming and couldn’t help the small frown that weighs his lips down. The sudden silence is probably his fault too, his heart of stone keeps his face stripped of most emotions so that, even if he were to feel an overwhelming sense of happiness, only a small smile would appear on his face, so subtle that hardly anyone would notice. He doesn’t want to further plague your work so Wonwoo tries to get back into reading his beloved book once more if it weren’t for the slight groan that catches his attention.

Upon looking up, he catches sight of your struggle. The height of the tall shelving units are giant compared to you and your heeled boots, it was an endearing sight to see you attempt at reaching high enough to stack the highest shelf but the weak whimper that escaped your mouth had his chest tightening and before he knew it, he was on his feet and walking your way.

Hearing the slow footsteps getting louder from behind you, you tried to ignore the creeping feeling that swamped your stomach but when a shadow engulfs your own you’re quick to swivel on your feet and lightly bump your nose against a hard chest.

“Let me do that for you…” at the sound of his voice, you almost melt into a puddle of goo on the floor but even though your knees are quaking uncontrollably, you’re somehow able to hold yourself up. You wait with bated breath as you hear him slot the book back into its rightful place on the shelf, “If you need any help with any more books, just ask…” you remained motionless as he stepped back and made the move to return to his little quiet corner for reading but he shocks you again by meeting your eyes and making you flush even more, “I really like your humming; don’t feel like you have to stop because of me.”

Despite his comment, it takes you a few moments to finally start humming again but, this time, you’re more than willing to persist with your own devised tune.

One thing Wonwoo hates more than anything is when his special secluded spot at the library gets stolen by some rowdy freshmen who have yet to experience the reality of work eventually catching up to them if they don’t stay on top of it. It’s the only time his quiet hideaway becomes a social corner. This is supposed to be a library, meant for studying and delving into the fabricated worlds of writers old and new, not a place for social gatherings that disturb the peace and magic in the air. However, it seems as though ever since he had helped you that day, his area has been left spec and span, clean of dust as well as the disturbance that always used to irritate his nerves. The window was finally cracked open to let in a breeze of fresh air so that it didn’t get too stuffy and were cleaned so that the rays of sunlight came in with no disturbance at all. After discerning the fact, he has had a very peaceful week and was kept in good spirits, so much so that he’s always been greeting you at the front desk with, no longer a nod, but a timid wave that always came across as blithe despite his awkwardness at first, and a charming smile.

It would be a lie to say that your chest suddenly felt lighter every time he flashed that pearly-white smile of his your way. The feeling was fluttering and sweet but in the pit of your stomach, there was a sour emotion of guilt that slowly weighed down that light sensation and had you averting your eyes as quickly as you’ve been able to meet his. The foul emotion never seems to reach Wonwoo and he only assumes the quick averting of your gaze as your simple lack of courage, which only forms a swell of fondness for you in his chest. Again, this was a dangerous sign for him but, just like before, he’s rendered helpless as he watches you go about your business, re-stacking shelves and looking absolutely adorable as you do so. Knowing full well of his growing endearment for you, someone he’s hardly interacted with for more than a week or so, he does his best to ensure that keeps you at a good distance away. However, this still doesn’t stop his friendly yet distant greetings of smiles and waves of the hand that have your knees weakening but your stomach churning unpleasantly.

Your stomach is heavy but your chest is light and you feel warm, you know that you shouldn’t wander further into the background of the charming stranger that always smiles your way and never forgets to wave at you whenever you find your eyes locking with his pools of chocolate brown. Sinking your teeth into your bland lunch of old take-out food from yesterday night, you mumble your most burning question across to your colleague, who sits at the other side of the room with one leg crossed over the other. She files down her long nails, a perfectly good looking lunch beside her going cold from her ignorance. She’s the pretty perfect picture of a ‘popular’ girl on campus that’s only doing extra work for the credits and points, which is the only reason why she can be found working in the library. Her and her rowdy bunch of friends usually occupied the charming man’s quiet corner some days of the week and, for you to drive them out, you had to do some bargaining, which landed you with extra chores around the library, hence why you’re hardly able to stop and converse with the handsome stranger Wonwoo. It's not that you even had the pluck to do so in the first place, but you’ve always been willing to sit and watch him read more verbose art with his long fingers turning the pages as his strong palms supported the thickset spine of the book.

“What was that?” your colleague calls as you take a moment to chew and swallow your food before repeating your question. It didn’t matter that you had finished eating because your voice was still weak and hardly reached her, causing her to upturn a drawn-in brow.

“W-Wonwoo…” was the only word she was able to make out but that was all she needed to be rushing over, a smile glowing up her once miserable expression as she plopped herself down beside you, ready to flood out endless rivers of words about the boy. You were quite shocked actually, you didn’t know his name could spark such a reaction.

“Jeon Wonwoo? The handsome bookworm that always seems to visit this library even though I’ve hardly had a glance of him despite working here?” she gushes, all in one breath, as you nod with a look of shock largely evident on your face, which she seems to ignore in her excitement to talk about such a ‘juicy, hot’ topic - as she would describe it.

“Isn’t he super handsome?” she manages to whine but squeal in delight all at the same time, continuing without even giving you the chance to answer her rhetorical question, “He’s so silent and mysterious,” she continues to praise before lowering her voice and leaning closer to you, as if he was about to tell you a secret, “many girls in his literature class have at least had a small crush on him but, apparently, all the people that have confessed to him - some were even guys, mind you - he has rejected very coldly.” she leans back with a shrug of her shoulders, “I’m sure it’s his way of warning all others that he won’t be interested in anyone at this university, but people are more stubborn than that. He should know, I mean, he does literature, I’m sure he’s read ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and about how stubborn those two were,” you can only nod along as you took in all the information she was feeding you, information that you didn’t need. You wanted to know him as a person, not about how handsome he is because you already knew that from the multiple glances you’ve spared in his direction. Also, even without her gossip, you can conclude that you already know more than her about him.

He appears to come by only during the later afternoons, hence why she’s hardly seen him because she leaves a little while after midday as she knows you’ll be covering the rest of her work. Also, he only seems to read for an hour or two before leaving. He only reads and that’s it, he doesn’t study so he probably has another space for that, either that or he’s just really smart and he doesn’t need to put as much work in as other students. It’s unfair that he’s already so fanciable atop being incredibly astute.

As your colleague continues to babble on about god knows what, you slowly start to feel yourself smiling at the possibility of getting to know him if you had the time and geeking over books together but when you bitterly remind yourself that you already had someone, that sourness overcomes your tastebuds again and makes your grimace softly. It’s a pang of reasonable guilt but is misplaced specifically for how your current relationship is right now. It’s a rocky path, full of obstacles that trip you up along the way, leaving bruises and sometimes even cuts that aren't even given sufficient time to ameliorate into scars.

The relationship you have is physical and abusive. It isn’t the fairytale love story that you’ve always dreamed of, it’s not comfortable or sweet or loving in any way. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. You know you should leave him but you’re always hesitant to because, strangely enough, your boyfriend, no matter how abusive, can give you the sense of comfort no one else can. He's able to provide you with reassurance and confidence about yourself that you had developed surrounding him. It’s so perilous for you to believe that if you were to leave him, you will crumble down to the extremely shy and incredibly unattractive girl that you used to be before he came into your life. He has manipulated and twisted your mind so much that although you know you’re better off without him, you can’t leave him because you believe he’s essential to have in your life in order to keep yourself together.

He’s the only person that has ever taken the time to love and cherish you for who you are and, despite the relationship turning sour, you always find a reason - an excuse - to continue staying by his side and turn away from strangers that could help you, even strangers as friendly and comforting as Wonwoo.

It was a Wednesday and you were a little late in setting up the little corner area for Wonwoo but you were determined to get the place clean and comfortable for him to be able to truly relish in the words of most recent ‘must-read’. Almost every few seconds, you would look at the time on your phone and rush your self to hurry before he catches you preparing the place for him. It would be so embarrassing if he finds out that you were going through such lengths for him despite hardly even knowing him but, he’s been so kind to you, kinder than the person who's supposed to be cherishing you like the most precious jewel there has ever been. You suppose your warm heart has gotten warm for him similar to the way it once did for your boyfriend. You still loved your boyfriend though, Wonwoo was just a kind stranger that you want to become friends with despite the controlling hand your boyfriend has been having on your social life.

Just as you were finishing up with wiping down the small side table, you suddenly felt a presence behind you before a tap on your shoulder directed your attention to the handsome face of the stranger you had been frenetically setting up the area for.

“So it’s been you,” he speaks softly, his charming smile making your chest squeeze as you sensed your heartwarming up in your breast pocket.

“Wh-wha-?” you stutter, embarrassed that you’ve been caught but also confounded at the grandeur appeal of his smile.

“You’ve been the one that’s kept other people away from my area and cleaning up any messes you might have missed,” he gives you a nod of thanks before delivering his gratitude in words, “I really appreciate that, thank you.”

“I-It’s alright,” you squeak, face still predominant with a reddish hue, “I just wanted to thank you for helping me out the first time we met,” your admittance only has Wonwoo furrowing his brows and feeling the weight of guilt sink his stomach. It was only one time and it wasn’t that much of a grandiose gesture either. This makes him think of if you’re always this grateful for every little thing, for every kind gesticulation done for you, would you repay someone as if they've saved your life? It’s an endearing attribute but he worries that some people could have taken advantage of that.

“Why don’t I help you with the shelf stacking?” he offers, not even waiting to hear for your response as he walks over to your tray and begins stacking the books.

Gasping, you quickly hurry to his side and try to push him back to his little nook, your small soft hands splayed across his chest as you look up to him with your wondrous doe eyes. He thinks it's adorable how you think he’s going to stop when you look all the more fragile and in greater need of his help at that moment. Your action of prevention has only led to the sealing of his resolution in helping you regardless.

"Please don't trouble yourself. I don't want to get in the way of your time spent reading,"

“It’s alright, I really don’t mind. I mean, you’ve been doing this for me for a while, right?” you don’t respond and remain speechless because you know how horribly you lie and people can just see right through your little act, “I’d feel guilty if I didn’t do this for you, at least. Please let me help you?” he beseeches softly and although you’re tempted to give in, you keep your mouth stubbornly shut, “If it makes you feel better, I’ll only do the ones that you can’t reach and you can do the rest, yeah?”

He doesn’t know why he’s so willing to help you but when he sees you give a hesitant nod, your eyes sparkling with the conflicting emotions of gratitude and worry, he knows why. You look so delicate and frail that his stone heart can’t help but want to protect you from all evil things in the world. Not only that but he greatly admires your kindness, to him, it’s so attractive and charming for a girl to act selflessly and be genuinely compassionate for those around them. To him, those types of people are the most precious because they wouldn’t have the heart to break another's. Taking in a deep breath, he looks away from you in an attempt to keep his mind and heart from wandering too far into the charmingly mysterious being that is you. Although he can sense that you’re the type of person who couldn’t hurt a fly, he still remained guarded.

Wonwoo can’t believe that he has only known you for a short period of time, and yet, he’s talking to you more than he is with his usual gaggle of friends. He mentally argues that this case is different, however, because of the fact that his friends are more talkative than him, which usually leads him to keep silent as the rest of them continue with their conversations. On occasion, he would voice his views, of course, but it wouldn't be often. His friends didn't mind this and he was appreciative of that. You were a different affair because whatever you had to say was something he either had an opinion on or was relatively interested it. In addition to that, it was only ever a conversation between you two; talking like that always required input from both sides at some point. You would also always make sure that he felt included and that you didn't prattle on too much. It was a strange quirk of yours to always ask him a question about every topic brought up between you but he appreciated it none the less. That's probably why he has been able to grow so fond of you. The two of you, he found out whilst stacking shelves and chatting with you, had very similar tastes in books, valued many similar things and had the same humor.

It was comforting to find someone so similar to him and sharing so many things with him but also have that someone be completely different. You were soft and sweet, he was stoic and stern. Based on that alone, he can already tell that you’d be a good equaliser for him. He’s never met someone so perfect yet so fraught with danger for him. There’s this basic need within him wanting to push you away for his benefit and safety but every time he looks your way, in your cute outfit of oversized jumpers and skinny jeans, he is engulfed by that want and needs to wrap you up in his arms where he will have you stay there forever.

“So…” he attempts to start conversation in the midst of stacking the higher shelves for you, “what are you studying?” admittedly, Wonwoo found the sound of his own voice foreign in the preserved silence of the library; he is always inclined to keep to himself and stirs far away from making conversation with others, worried that it would stretch on for a longer period than needed. Surprisingly enough, however, Wonwoo wouldn’t mind if you were to talk decades of knowledge to him in that gentle saccharine voice of yours.

Giggling, you flush red at the prospect that someone so handsome would find enough interest in you to ask you questions about yourself. In an attempt to hide your flustered cheeks, you look towards a lower shelf and re-stack the missing books, failing to catch the bewildered expression of the tall man beside you at the sound of your twinkling laugh. He had never heard anything so melodious.

“I’m studying English Literature and Creative Writing here,” you spoke softly, taking a moment to run your fingers along the delicate spine of an aged hardback before replacing it into the shelf once more.

“You like reading then?”

“Of course!” you gush in a whisper, eyes capturing the sparkle of celestial bodies, an impossible feat but Wonwoo can understand how only you are able to achieve it, “It’s such a great way of escaping the normal world where you can learn to love and hate multiple characters, you learn from their mistakes and achievements and apply what they preach to your own values. I love it,”

Smiling to himself, Wonwoo focuses back on the task he had committed himself to, despite the pull in his chest to continue staring at you, “you took the words right out of my mouth,” surprised at his confession, you stare up at him and catch the smile his pink lips adorned no matter the subtleness of it. Whoever could miss such a charming smile?

Inevitably, the two of you start talking about your favourite books and since your tastes are so similar, you start to gossip about all of your favourite moments hidden in between their creamy pages. You had never experienced something this wonderful before, not even with your current boyfriend. Yes, he used to be a sweetheart but he still didn’t share the same amount of interest you had in books and you had known that, in his eyes, he liked that about you. At the time, it made you feel special and led to your blossoming feelings of affection to him. Unfortunately, those feelings have slowly died away with his gradual change in personality. He’s no longer the same and you wish you could have saved him but by the time you had finally built up the realisation and courage to end his bad habits, it was already too late. There was always the argument of, why don’t you just leave him?

Your heart was still able to warm up at the presence of him as proof of your still evident feelings despite it being not as warm as it used to be in the earliest honeymoon stages of your relationship. There was also the possibility of you breaking his heart in the process and you didn’t want to be responsible for any further negative changes in his lifestyle and mood. It wouldn’t be fair, he was already struggling through his addictions and for you to be so heartless as to leave him for just because you were no longer satisfied and always hurt from his bad habits was extremely selfish. You wanted to stay and help him as much as you can, that’s why you were willing to put your education on pause and drop out of your university course to fully support him by being able to pick up more odd jobs. There’s always a possibility and danger in your mind that he’ll just use the money you earn for his habits but you’re certain that if you just stay by his side, you’ll be able to help him along the path of recovery.

The dreams you have of becoming a famous playwright and poet, much like Shakespear, would just have to wait. Sometimes some things aren’t meant to be but that’s just for the meantime. Things will eventually get better and then you’ll finally be steady enough on your feet to finally pursue your dreams, hopefully, with someone you cherish. Sacrifices have to be made and the thought of getting your loving boyfriend back is the only motivation you need to go through with it.

“So…why are you working in the library? Extra credit?” Wonwoo hums in curiosity, settling back into his armchair after finishing all the top shelves.

“Um…not really…my boyfriend-” there was a tone of insecurity in your voice, forcing you to withhold information from him. He had unknowingly felt a painful ache begin to enclose his heart at the mention of you having a boyfriend but ignored the feeling, wanting to bring you freedom from hardships through articulation.  From your streak of talking freely to him, he finds your tight lips bizarre but remains silent so that you’re free to make the decision for yourself. If you chose to continue talking, he’ll listen but never judge you with whatever you have to say, however, if you chose to stay quiet, he won’t press you further and continue reading his book as per usual. After a long pause, your voice finally reaches out to him, this time, however, weaker and more tentative, “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be,” he instantly reassures, “I’m not going to press you for answers. Just know that if there’s something wrong, even if you don’t tell me what it is, you can come to me at any time for whatever help you might need,”

He didn’t have to offer you his time and consolation but he did anyway and that struck a chord in your heart, making your chest constrict with a fond ache, something you haven’t felt in a very long time with your boyfriend for the past few months.

“Thank you, I really appreciate that,” the two of you smile at each other for a minute or two, never really needing to voice anything more. You were happy.

It has always been routine for Wonwoo to spend most of his afternoon and evenings at the library, it was a hobby that he absolutely loved and his friends understood that. However, suspicions slowly began rising when the tall male is making excuses to stay there longer and visit more frequently. The excuses started off reasonable enough; he needed to read up on an assigned book; he had to catch up work; there was an assignment due soon and so on. Nevertheless, the ostensible reasonings he made can only be used up to a point and his lies became all the more perceptible; I left my bag there (“but your back is in the corner of the room-”); I forgot to take out this book that I’m suddenly interested in reading (“but you never liked books of that genre”), I don’t spend enough time at the library (“you spend more than enough time there, this is the first time we’ve gotten together and talked this week!”). It was outrageous. So when the boys did a little digging and found out he was making heart eyes at a sweet-looking librarian girl, they left him to himself. They never thought that he’d ever find interest in a girl but they were overjoyed at being proven wrong. In fact, they were so ecstatic that they made up excuses for him to leave and go spend time at the library.

They were happy for him and anxious to meet the librarian that, they knew, he’d eventually reel in and have in his arms. It was only a matter of time.

The topic of hearts was an unavoidable topic to be brought up but Wonwoo was secretly hoping that you’d be one of the people to keep to your own. However, he wasn’t surprised that, when you got extra time to sit around and talk to him, you elucidated inquisitiveness in his heart. You were asking gentle questions, not openly pronouncing a want to see or touch his heart but he knew that you secretly wanted to do those things; everyone wanted to know about everyone else’s heart, especially if they’re the ones that bring about the topic first.

“What’s your heart like?” you habitually tilt your head, as if you don’t know the effect it has on his poor soul, “I want to know,” he fails to keep the hesitance from showing on his face, which you instantly try to remedy, “I’ll show you and let you hold my heart now if you promise to show me and let me hold yours in return one day,” it seemed like a fair deal, you weren’t giving him a time limit and he was getting something similar in return. He had a lot of freedom in this covenant. Although he was having second thoughts, his head was already confirming the agreement for him.

Your smile instantly brightens as you go to reach your hand into your pocket and quickly present your heart to him, cradled in your cupped palms. The heart in your hands was clear and glass-like, it had a geometric look about it. Despite the visibly sharp vertices being rounded off smoothly, they were still prominent, which brought forth fear of being cut.

“Give me your hand…” you softly urge, pulling him into a trance that had his hands reaching out in the same cradled shape like yours. It was an intimate act -allowing someone to hold your heart. The only other person that had held your heart was your boyfriend. He had dropped it many times before from being too careless with it. It made you wince when it was dropped each time but you know can trust Wonwoo, despite only knowing him for several weeks. It was strange but you accepted it because you know he's the time of person that would never intentionally hurt another, unlike your current boyfriend.

“It’s warm…” his deep voice awes as he stares down at your heart, making you blush at the amount of attention and care he’s giving it, “It’s soft too…” he takes a moment to think of how to further describe it, “it's like its made of silk even though it looks like it’s made of glass,” he smiles up at you, only further deepening the pink hue of your blush as you look towards your feet to avoid his fond gaze. This is bad. If you continue catching feelings for Wonwoo, you’ll feel like a worse person than your current boyfriend. Is this cheating? You’re sure you’re allowed to talk to other guys when still in a relationship. “You have a really warm heart,”

“Thank you,” you blurt in a panic, not knowing how to react as he chuckles deeply, making your chest squeeze in the most pleasant way.

You were lost in each other's eyes, subconsciously leaning into one another as you held your heart together. The moment was perfect. You would've liked to treasure and keep it as a pretty picture in your head if it weren't for the rotten aftertaste it left in your mouth. Kangdae, the man you had once thought and wished you would spend the rest of your life with, had witnessed the loving exchange, he was expeditiously seeing red.

He had been suspicious of your dubious buoyant attitude whenever you would come home from or get ready to go to the university campus library for work. It had been happening for a few weeks and it had driven him mad with curiosity. In order to satisfy his inquisition, he resolved to espionage on your work shift. Now, he was driven mad with resentment and indignation.

It didn't take long for Kangdae to reach you with his long strides and pull you harshly away from Wonwoo. In his tight grip, he squeezes your rapidly chilling heart as the grasp he has encircling your wrist constricts to the point where you fear that the circulation of blood to your hand is cut off.

"I'm sorry that my girlfriend," Kangdae growls at you behind clenched teeth as you cower helplessly, "has been bothering you. I'll be taking her home early today," terror precipitately clouds over your wide, doe-like eyes. And, as you are dragged away, you flash Wonwoo a look of absolute, unadulterated trepidation. He becomes frozen in time where fear for your wellbeing consumes his tall figure. Although he wanted to help, it wasn't in his place to speak up for you as he's probably the reason why your lover has reacted with such antagonism. He takes a step forward but finds you are already gone and no matter how hard he tries, he cannot think of anything other than your horror-stricken face. Your sweet, innocent complexion doesn't suit such an emotion, which only emphasises how wrong and sour the situation is for you.

The horrible, pulsing sting of your black eye persists until the next day where you dread about the thought of going to work at the library once again. Luckily, Kangdae had his own 'errands' to run for, which you're pretty sure will just be indulging in his own self-destructive habits. He's horrible. How could he do this to you? But, then again, you're possibly just as horrible as him by helping feed his habits as you were the one working to earn money for him to spend. Never before has he hit you but you try to reason that you were deserving of it, seeing as you were bordering on cheating on him in his eyes.

Leaning back and staring at yourself in the mirror, you wince at the crack your back gives from being bent over for so long, trying to cover up your black eye with foundation. You suppose it'll have to do, hopefully, Wonwoo doesn't take notice; you wince just thinking about the possibility. If you were to avoid the confrontation you're anxious to encounter with Wonwoo today then you'll just have to avoid him as much as possible.

And avoid him, you did, as if he were the plague.

The distance you were adamant in maintaining between you left Wonwoo befuddled more than he has ever been in his life. However, he's able to draw straight parallels between your bizarre distance and the sour mood your boyfriend was in the day before. Not wanting to worsen the situation any further, Wonwoo leaves you be in spite of the great amount of disinclination he felt in doing so.

It's surprising how he's been able to keep to himself for the better part of his time at the library, seeing as he's grown a habit of seeking you out just to hold a conversation. However, he shouldn't applaud himself too much as he was still finding it very difficult to concentrate on the book in his hands as his eyes would always wander to wherever he heard your dainty steps every few minutes. It was as if he was willing to convince himself that you were still there and safe.

Eventually, you ambivalently wheel your cart of books to Wonwoo's section, assuring yourself that he was engrossed in his book before going about your business and proceeding to stretch up high just to reach for the top shelf. Your grunts of evident struggle alert the tall male immediately and not a second passes before he's on his feet and making his way towards you in long strides. Yes, he aimed to keep away from you, waiting for you to go to him at your own time - a better time - when your boyfriend wasn't keeping such a close eye on you. However, it was now a habit for him to help you stack the higher shelves, should there be any to stack in exchange for keeping his little nook clear of clutter and annoying younger years. It actually came as a surprise to him when he had gotten to his secluded corner and found that you had still kept it clean and void of any loud company for him. Therefore, he still owes you his helping hand.

In shock at the sudden hand that gently takes the book from you and places it onto the highest shelf, you quickly turn and lock eyes with Wonwoo, whose own widens at the underlying purple hue of your right eye.

"What happened to you?" his voice was filled with concern and shock. Certainly, your boyfriend wouldn't be this type of guy. He pegged him to only have a jealousy issue but this made him lower than dirt and the scum of the earth.

"I-...I had a little accident,"

"And avoiding my eyes definitely means you're telling me the truth," you spare him a glance of guilt before turning away once again, "was he the one that did this to you?" met with silence, hopelessness grips him. The instant he notices your shoulders starting to shake, he places a comforting hand on your shoulder as a gesture of comfort but brings you into his arms when it does nothing back make your palpitations worse, "please tell me so I can help you, (Y/N)," his actions shock him but he really shouldn't be, seeing as you've always been able to bring about things about him he's usually unable to express. He never knew whether it was a good or bad thing but over time, he's been able to consider it as yet another wonderful thing about you.

"H-he's never hit me like this before, it's always b-been just verbal fights b-between us..." you sob in a vulnerable and broken voice, "I-I'm sure he didn't m-mean it, Wonwoo"

"That should never happen," his timbre holds a dangerous note of protectiveness and repulsion. How disgusted can your boyfriend be that he should ever even think of raising his hand at you? "There's never a good enough excuse for a man to ever lay a hand on his lady. Take me to him so that we can have a talk about what he's doing wrong," his eyes were steeled with an intense tenaciousness but you wouldn't allow him to do such a thing.

"No! Please stay away, you could get hurt," Wonwoo tries to protest but you only shake your head 'no', "you're a very dear friend to me, Wonwoo, it would hurt so much more than this black eye if anything were ever to happen to you because of me,"

"It wouldn't be your fault though,"

"But it will be," he can see that you're trembling even more now, like a leaf in the face of bitter autumn winds, so he can't bring himself to argue further and put more stress onto you, "I-I have to go home...I'm sure my shift's already over,"

"(Y/N)," he keeps you gently in place with a caring hand holding your own, "you're shivering uncontrollably and I'm pretty sure it's because of the man you're going home to," you can't dispute the truth, "please come stay at my apartment tonight so that I know you're safe, you can sleep in my bed while I sleep on the sofa,"

There's evident hesitance in your eyes but the more you think about it the more the avidity builds up deep inside you. The thought of going back home, simply to be shouted at again wasn't a welcoming idea, especially after what Kangdae had done to you.

You were having to push your friend away because of him, you were in pain because of him, you dropped out of uni because of him.

Looking into Wonwoo's deep brown, chocolate eyes, you find comfort and worry. It feels so so nice to have someone care and worry about your wellbeing for once that you find yourself nodding in agreement to his proposal.

Wonwoo's home is just what you expected it to be like: clean and organised but homey and comfortable. There wasn't an ever-growing pile of trash bags in the corner, it smelled like him and there was a consistent monochrome aesthetic with splashes of blue in the decor.

"You have a lovely home," you utter softly as soon as he's helped you out of your jacket and you've taken in the humble space.

"Thank you," you see a hint of a blush on his cheeks, "can I get you anything?"

"Just water would be good, thank you," he nods at your request and gestures for you to get comfortable on the sofa before he's out of the room and into the kitchen.

Tensions were high at first but soon enough conversations were flowing smoother than an undisturbed river between you. It just felt so natural to be with him, talk to him, look at him, sit with him, drink with him, laugh with him. You're so glad and grateful that he's there for you; you wouldn't have been able to voice this to anybody else, only him. You don't know why that may be the case but you're quick to start speculating that it may have something to do with you considering him to be more than just a friend...

Shaking your head, you rid the thoughts immediately. Those thoughts shouldn't be there. Wonwoo is just a friend. A really good friend that takes care of you, has beautiful eyes, luscious hair that you want to run your fingers through and such a sweet smile in spite of his cold exterior. He surprises you every day, they're all pleasant surprises just like the time you found out the two of you adore hamburgers and pomegranates. It isn't like the surprises your boyfriend slaps you in the face with; Kangdae's are almost always bad. Sighing, you try not to think about the things that transpired over the past year or two when your relationship consistently reached multiple lows.

"There, everything's ready for you." Wonwoo muses as he walks out of his room, flashing you a kind smile, "I changed the sheets and made sure everything's clean - all that's left to do is for you to have a goodnight's rest,"

"Wonwoo, are you sure that you're okay with having me sleep in your bed? This is your home and I don't want to be even more of a burden to you. Please let me sleep on the sofa instead," you plead with your eyes but he's having none of it. Instead, he is stepping his way towards you with a shake of his head.

"You aren't being a burden. I just want to take care of you since that-" he cuts himself off from insulting Kangdae, not wanting to upset you further by bringing him up, "since your boyfriend isn't looking after you as well as he should be and I think you deserve, at least, that much - it's what everyone deserves..." there's a pause as he reaches his hand up to cup your face and tilt your head up to him, where he stares down at your bruised eye and gently rubs his thumb beneath it.

Sensing his question, you console him with a, "It's feeling much better than earlier, thank you," you muster a small smile that he returns.

"Good but, just to be safe, I've put some painkillers on the bedside table," you nod in appreciation and smile wider.

"Thank you Wonwoo,"

"It's no problem, (Y/N),"

Just as you step towards the bedroom, you quickly realise something, "I-I don't have a change of clothes for the night..." you murmur, "or anything to brush my teeth with..." turning around, you stare up at Wonwoo with your big doe eyes and he has to resist the urge to coddle and coo at you to which he resolves by responding back quickly.

"You can borrow my clothes, it's alright," he leads you to his room and prepares a shirt and shorts for you to wear to bed, "I also keep extra toothbrushes around just in case," as soon as you're set, he leaves you to get ready as he gets ready in the living room.

'How lucky I am to have someone like him standing beside me,' you muse to yourself as you stare at your reflection in the mirror, swamped by his gigantic shirt. In the end, you had decided to forgo the shorts he offered because they just kept slipping and, thankfully, his shirt reached passed your mid-thigh so you were still covered. Although your outfit was cute, you looked really horrible without the makeup covering your black eye. With a sigh, you disregard the negative thoughts and stepped out into the living room to greet Wonwoo 'goodnight'.

Once you've circled the sofa, you realise that Wonwoo had already fallen asleep, his feet were lifted onto the arm of the sofa due to how tall he was and, although you feel bad for the discomfort he may be feeling right now, it's simply too comical of an image to not giggle at. After having a light-hearted chuckle to yourself, you pull the blanket he already has draped over him up to his neckline and over his shoulders before easing a fluffed-up pillow under his head. To your relief, he shows no sign of waking up from the movement.

He's so soft looking. You wish many more people get to see this gentle side of him because it's such a real shame that his beauty isn't shared in this way. His hair looks so soft, his skin is glassy and creamy-smooth, his lips, plump and pink. Absentmindedly, you go to kiss him goodnight. It's a direct line to his lips but you quickly catch yourself and lightly brush your lips against his anyway in defiance of your redirection to peck his cheek.

"Pleasant dreams, Wonwoo..." you whisper softly in your shy, sweet voice before heading off to his bedroom. Unbeknownst to you that as soon as your back is turned, Wonwoo's eyes snap open and his fingers are tracing the stamp of your lips against his cheek. He doesn't have hope in ever falling asleep that night as a blush dusts his countenance and his heart beats a mile per second, grinning like a mad man.

Too hooked up on the kiss you had almost planted onto his lips, Wonwoo abandons all rational and tiptoes into his room, where he finds you sleeping in his bed, right beside the window. You seem to have forgotten to draw the curtains, causing the moonlight to blanket your snoozing figure. You look so gorgeous. Much like sleeping beauty, better even. He can't help but seem to frown at your black eye, however, reaching down to caress your cheek, smiling once again when you lean into his touch and sigh in content. He wants to kiss you so badly and do the job right but his morals just wouldn't let him. From an outsider's perspective, he would be taking advantage of you in your sleep; you still have a boyfriend, albeit a horrible one, but a boyfriend nonetheless and he doesn't want to make the situation worse. If he can keep himself from causing you any more problems then he'd gladly stay clear from you to do so. Not fully though, because you still need someone to look after you and he will gladly fill that role. Nothing more, nothing less. With that, he steps away and goes back to sleep on the sofa.

Morning comes sooner than Wonwoo anticipated but he's not complaining as he's awoken in the best way possible - to the smell of breakfast. He can only assume that it's your doing as you're the only other person in his apartment. The gesture warms his heart, especially when he sees you cooking away in the kitchen, where he almost has a heart attack at the sight of you his oversized shirt. He didn't know anyone could look so good in just a simple T. The scene is very domestic, something he's always craved despite his horrible first love experience. He has never been good at cooking or eat appropriately so he really can't be blamed for falling for you even more.

In his mind, Wonwoo has a debate on whether or not he should alert you of his presence but he decides against it; you look so comfortable cooking breakfast and he doesn't want to interfere with that. It only takes a few minutes, however, before you're turning around and getting the shock of your life. The look on your face and your extremely animated reaction has him laughing aloud with his head thrown back.

"I-I hope you don't mind me cooking for you," you blush softly.

"I really don't mind. I'm actually grateful. I don't know when was the last time I had a warm, homecooked breakfast," he takes a seat at the small table in the corner of his quaint kitchen, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I'm the grateful one," you counter, "because you saved me even though it's not all over yet," with the breakfast plated, you move to the table and sit across from him, "I'll make sure to be out of your hair as soon as possible but thank you so much for this, Wonwoo,"

"No, that's not happening," Wonwoo growls lowly, "I don't want you going back to him where you're unsafe and-"

"Wonwoo..." you place a hand over his to calm him down, which you find that he is surprisingly subservient to your touch because his shoulders almost immediately lose their tension, "let's talk about this after breakfast and just enjoy the food, please?" thankfully he agrees but not after apologising.

Breakfast is short and sweet, quiet but still filled with galvanised murmurs about everything under the sun. Soon enough, you're on your feet again, washing up and clearing the dishes together. However, things quickly get serious when Wonwoo sits you down in the living room with an earnest look on his face.

"Why...why do you think he's like this towards you?"

"He used to be a really good guy and I loved him so much..." you sigh, turning your gaze down at your hands folded on your lap, "but he's easily paranoid that someone else will take me away so he's always protective but he's also developed an alcohol problem and was fired from his job quite some time ago so I work to help support the both of us, meaning that I had to drop out," you feel the tears beginning to surface, "That day was the first time he ever got really violent with me...I just hope he gets better because I know he can be a good person," you look up at Wonwoo with hopelessness in your glossy eyes, "right? He can get better again? I know his old self is still inside him somewhere,"

You don't know why you feel so disappointed when Wonwoo gives you a sympathetic look, "I don't think that'll happen any time soon and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, (Y/N), but I think this will only ever get worse,"  you choke on a sob as Wonwoo brings you into his chest, petting your hair as your tears soak into the breast of his shirt. It takes several minutes before you calm down enough for him to feel assured that you won't break down further as soon as he starts talking again, "you can’t stay with someone like him, clearly he doesn’t love you enough to care for you the way someone, who deserves you, should,"

"Where will I go Wonwoo?" your voice is desperate as you look up at him with your button nose coloured a soft pink, same with your eyes, "My family lives hours away and because of him, I’ve lost all my friends…I have no one…"

"You have me…" he reassures, "and I’m more than willing to let you stay with me if you want"

"T-that’s really sweet but…what am I going to do about all the stuff I have at his place?" you want to accept the offer but you seem to be coming up with excuses to stay with Kangdae. You don't know why because it's clear that you do deserve better and that, deep down, you should have left the day things started going wrong.

"Let me handle that, my friends and I can go with you to collect your things so that he can’t get close to you. But, just to be on the safe side and so that you’re comfortable, we can do it when you know he’s not going to be there," all you can do is nod, unable to find the words for how grateful you are and how horrible you feel for not doing what was best for you for so long.

"That’s my girl…" Wonwoo's words send your heart fluttering as he gives you a soft squeeze, still in his arms. Him calling you his sounds so nice, "I'm sorry someone like you is having to go through this"

"I’m just so thankful that I have you by my side…I love you Wonwoo," you're shocked at your own words, frozen in place and mouth left agape. After a long pause, you finally muster up to courage to look back at the male before you, who snaps out of his own daze as soon as your eyes meet.  

"I- I love you too…" he stutters out, leaving the two of you to stare at one another for a moment before turning away with red-hot faces and spinning minds.  

"H-he um..he’s usually out of the house and drinking at 7:30 every night so…"

"O-okay," Wonwoo lets out a shaky breath, heart racing and mind fuzzy, "we'll get your things then,"

After the initial shock of the sudden confession passes, the day goes by as normal - well, as normal as it could with the two of you being bashful at every glance and accidental touch. The two of you expected tensions to rise even higher but things were just kept...sweet. Especially because your boyfriend hadn't even bothered to text you. You can only guess that he had gotten himself super wasted the night before, woke up super late and went off again, thinking that you had already just gone to work early. Many days of not seeing each other passed like that between you and Kangdae, which made you feel even more stupid about how submissive you were to him. Instead of your relationship growing and blossoming into a beautiful floret of unconditional love, it only wilted and gradually atrophied into nothing, dust. There was no love left. And you were foolish enough to stay and believe that Kangdae could get better when you were only being as toxic as he was to himself and your relationship.

You're so glad Wonwoo has convinced you to leave him because you deserved better than that. You like to think that you knew this all along but there's never a problem with someone giving you a soft nudge in the right direction. For you, it was Wonwoo.

"(Y/N), I want you to meet Seungcheol and Mingyu," Wonwoo gestured to two very handsome, very tall and quite intimidating men, "they will be coming with us to get your things," he smiles kindly at you to which you miss the look of absolute shock that passes the two men's eyes, "they're my friends so you can trust them," Looking towards the two once more, you flash a gentle smile, which they happily reciprocate.

"So you're the girl that's swept our Wonwoo off his feet?" the taller of the two cooed, his chestnut brown hair flopping as he gives a little jump of happiness.

"It's about time," the other one smirks, chuckling at the soft glare Wonwoo flashes from behind you, "he needs a girl to distract him from all those books,"

They may be friendly and teasing now but when Wonwoo had reached out to all of his friends and explained the situation, they were utterly livid. Seething with anger, they all volunteered to help. It was overwhelming but it made Wonwoo extremely happy that his friends would be there for, not only him, but also for a complete stranger. Peering down at you now, Mingyu and Seungcheol found an even better reason to help out their friend than his initial proposal; you were just too precious to not help. You were tiny and fragile looking and, although your black eye made them wince, they found your beauty to be just as intimidating as Wonwoo's except that yours was on the other side of the beauty spectrum to their lean brother.

"You live here?" Mingyu exclaimed without thought, causing both Wonwoo and Seuncheol to slap him upside the head.

"Yeah..." you cringe, "I try to keep it clean but it can never stay that way with Kangdae around," you whisper as the three boys nod behind you.

"Hurry and get what you need, Mingyu, Seungcheol and I will keep a lookout," you nod and get to work. There weren't many things that you had to yourself, you actually had to sell a lot online so that you could afford to pay bills. It was funny how this was Kangdae's apartment but you were the one paying all of the electricity, gas, rent, food and much more. It made you laugh humourlessly. You'll never sacrifice yourself for someone like him again.

The time that you had arrived was at 19:40 and you were just about ready to go at around five minutes past eight in the evening. You just have your skincare left to pack before you can be well on your way.

"Who the hell are you?" the drunk voice of your boyfriend screams from within the living room, sending your heart racing.

"We're friends of (Y/N),"

"Where is she?!" Kangdae's voice grows louder and fear grips you around the neck. It was suffocating. This always happened, but when you hear Wonwoo talk back to him, just to sound of your gentle giant's voice has the power to calm you down completely and grow confidence in your heart.

"She'll be coming home with us, I'm afraid,"

"Yeah, she's just here to pack her things," Mingyu explains, putting up a brave face despite being the last person to ever involve himself in fights. He didn't sign up for this confrontation but just remembering the sadness in your eyes behind a purple, yellowing bruise spikes pluckiness within him. This guy was tiny compared to him anyway.

"She's leaving me? Why?! I bet it's because of you!" Kangdae jabs a finger at Wonwoo just as you step into the living room, putting up a valiant facade in spite of your still racing heart.

"Yes, Kangdae. I am leaving but it's not because of Wonwoo. I deserve better than the way you've been treating me. We're over, please don't ever contact me from now on because I never want to see you again," nearing the end of your sentence, you start to sniffle, heartbroken over losing something that could've been so much like heaven. Thankfully, Wonwoo is quick to pull you into a protective embrace just as Kangdae jumps towards your shaking frame. As soon as he tries to jump you, he is pushed back and kept away by Mingyu and Seungcheol. Despairing,  your boyfriend, now ex, breaks down into pathetic weeping. Kangdae begs you to stay, apologising profusely and doing everything in his power to convince you to remain standing beside him but Wonwoo flashes a cold stare as he leads your sniffling form out the door, eliciting more vociferous wails.

"I'm really proud of you, (Y/N)," Wonwoo whispers as he wipes away your silent tears, "it takes guts to face someone you fear and need to break away from despite your history together," you nod, unable to muster up a smile, fully prepared to fall asleep and forget about the world.

The night is luxuriating, where you share three large pizzas and engage in a Disney movie marathon in Wonwoo's living room with Seungcheol and Mingyu. They made you laugh just by being themselves; their dynamic with each other was just so wholesome, full of teasing, many inside jokes, and endless smiles that they made you forget about any fatigue plaguing your bones.

"We need to introduce (Y/N) to the rest of the guys," Mingyu suggests through a mouthful of pepperoni pizza.

"There's more of you?" you tilt your head, smiling brightly as an eagerness fills you in anticipation of meeting the rest of their friendship group.

"There's ten more of us, actually," Seuncheol laughs at your look of shock.

"You can come and join us at our weekly hang out, if you're up to it," Mingyu offers cheerily after finally swallowing his food.

It was nearing midnight when Mingyu and Seungcheol finally make the journey back to their own apartments, leaving you and Wonwoo to go through your night routine together. You were sad to see them go, already feeling attached after just a few hours spent together but their promise of taking you to their next hang out was enough to keep you content for the meantime.

"If you don't want to join us at our hang out, you really don't have to," Wonwoo randomly brings up when you're going about your night routine. When you look up at him, you see his cheeks are dusted a soft pink, which makes you chuckle and raise suspicions.

"Don't tell me you're embarrassed about them, Wonwoo,"

"It's not that I'm embarrassed by them..." he pauses to sigh before continuing as he continues to moisturise his face, "I just don't want them embarrassing me in front of you," that makes you laugh so hard, you almost forget about your black eye and when you scrunch up your eyes whilst laughing, you cut off to squeak in pain. "Are you okay?!" in half a second, Wonwoo was beside you, a hand cupping your face and tilting your head up towards him so as to examine your injury.

"Y-yes, I'm fine, thank you. I'm sorry-" after blinking your eyes several times, you stare up at Wonwoo who had grown silent as he continues to sink deeper into your sweet gaze, the look in his eyes cutting off your rambling.

Was he leaning closer into you?

Were you leaning into him as well?

What's pressing against your lips? Why are your eyes closed?

Oh well...this must be what real heaven is. You don't know how you could have waited and hoped so long for Kangdae to be like this when it only took Wonwoo a few months of getting to know you to become your safe haven.

Several months pass by. In the first, you were adamant at finding your own apartment and moving out so that Wonwoo could have his own space again but fate just wouldn't separate the two of you. There wasn't a single chance that came by for you to get your own apartment so, in agreement with Wonwoo, you decided that you might as well just stay with him. Of course, you let him have his bedroom back while he turned his small study into a room for you. You felt like such a burden but Wonwoo was resolute in keeping you from ever feeling that way for long. It became a routine for you to cook breakfast, which you enjoyed doing because it meant that Wonwoo would leave for his lecture with a full stomach and ready to perform his best, while the two of you worked as a team to make dinner. However, sometimes you would cook it and other times Wonwoo would make something. He was more than eager to show you how much he was able to learn about cooking under your instructions. It never ceases to amaze you with how perfect ever new dish turns out despite cooking being such a new dexterity for the male. You're so proud of him.

Getting to meet the rest of Wonwoo's friends, you were accepted into the circle right away. Never before had you felt so much love and happiness. They treated you like the sister they never had, cooing at you and spoiling you rotten, standing behind the reason that you deserve it for being so adorable. On the other hand, such good treatment doesn't come without its downsides as the boys practically teased you and Wonwoo into going out together. It was a silly idea. A very silly idea that ended with you and Wonwoo surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) getting together.

It was hard at first, seeing as you had just gotten out of such a calamitous relationship with Kangdae, who hadn't stopped blowing up your phone the first week since you left until you were forced to block his number and get a new one, just to be on the safe side. Your hesitancy, only lasted, however, until Wonwoo was finally willing to let you hold his heart.

"Really?!" you squeal in excitement as the male before you chuckles and goes to fetch his heart.

"Yes, really," he comes back to find you bouncing in your place on the sofa, an image that almost washes all of his nerves away, "it's pretty heavy and isn't very nice to hold at all so be careful, alright?"

"Who cares!" you wave off his worries with the most nonchalant wave of your hand as you reach out to accept his heart of stone. He sits beside you as you examine his heart, running your fingers across its edges as he holds his breath, "Wonwoo," you tut in bluff disappointment, "you didn't have to lie to me," the male sits in shock, eyes wide as he watches you cuddle his heart in your hands. Never before had you looked so endearing, that the usually stoic male leans in to kiss you. He catches you off guard and turns the both of you into flustered messes. Wonwoo can safely bet that the two of you will continue getting flustered even years into the future and he's perfectly okay with that.

It appears as though his heart turns soft and light only for you while it stays substantial in weight on all other occasions. Even though it isn't a permanent change in other situations and Wonwoo still can't wear his heart around with him, he's happy with his heart only turning soft and light in your hands.

As long as you stay with him, he's happy.

As long as you keep turning his heart soft and light, he's happy.

As long as he has you, he's happy.

masterlist / seventeen hearts m.list

#wonwoo x reader #wonwoo fluff #jeon wonwoo #soulmate au #seventeen x reader #university au #fluff #angst #wonwoo angst

[jade-marie]

GG 2x04 Rewatch

Not gonna lie, this is probably going to be the only episode I rewatch. The rest has been kinda tainted by 2x13 and s3.

Generally, my opinions tend not to line up with the majority of the fandom - sorry, not sorry. 

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

It’s a tie between the bathroom break and the vette smash. Bathroom break - for obvious reasons - I’m a hoe and I live for that shit. The vette smash - I just vibe with Rio’s petty energy and the way you could see how much he was enjoying himself, Dean being metaphorically castrated by the guy who just fucked his wife... chef’s kiss. 

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

I WISH beth would’ve bit back when Dean brought up the shooting. It irks me so much that she contnually rolls over for him. She spitefully gets payback, but rarely puts him in his place (if it were up to me, his place would be by boomer-jeff’s side in the dumpster)

3. This episode starts with each of the girls trying to make amends in their own way – Beth through her family, Ruby through charity and Annie through Marion. What do you think this tells us about each of them?

I feel like Beth and Ruby’s attempts at making amends always feel incredibly shallow and I can never tell if it’s down to shitty writing or if its because they genuinely don’t feel guilty. If’it’s the former - I’m not surprised. If it’s the latter - I hope the girls own their lack of remorse, in future. 

Annie strikes me as the one who feels genuine guilt over a lot of this, and it’s been pretty consistent - even when Lucy died in S3. I think it makes sense for her to be the most cut up about it because she always struck me as someone who’s ruled by her emotions - she doesn’t exactly think before she acts, and is typically pretty impulsive.

4. Rio offers Beth the keys to the kingdom! This scene is always hotly debated in the fandom! What do you think he meant in the moment of it? Do you think he ever actually saw or even wanted Beth as a partner?

Straying from the general consensus, as usual - I don’t think he was playing her and I don’t think he planned to take a cut of whatever Beth came up with. 

Personally, I don’t think it makes much sense. He’s already learnt that he gets further with Beth through praise and reward, as opposed to intimidation - more flies with honey, yada yada yada. 

If the whole thing was just a manipulation it would have made more sense for him to convince her that he had faith in her and offer her a 25% cut of any cash washing operation she could come up with. She would’ve bit his hand off at the opportunity.  

I think he was telling the truth when he said that he was done, I think he was genuinely flipping his game from cash to pills. At this point, Turner was looking closely and so it would make sense for Rio to want to distance himself from the counterfeit operation. He literally explained back in season one that it’s how he avoids being caught, he flips his game before the feds get too close. 

I get the feeling that he probably didn’t intend to have much contact with Beth going forward and was going to leave her to do whatever she wanted with the rest of the money. It’s not that I think he wouldn’t manipulate her, he absolutely would. I just don’t really think it makes sense in this context. 

5. Do you think Marion had any idea that Boomer was taking advantage of her?

I think it was probably similar to the situation with Beth, regarding Dean’s cheating: the thought was there, but she never really confronted the idea and lived in a comfy little denial bubble.

6. Dean’s attachment to the corvette is played in many different ways in s2! How do you interpret this?

I think it’s the perfect display of his narcissism and toxic masculinity. The car is as grandiose as his ego and he thinks it’s going to save the dealership, much like he thinks he’s going to be the one to save his family from ruin.

7. Why do you think Beth kept the money from Ruby and Annie?

I think she’s hugely manipulative and likes to be the be the one holding the cards. She only wanted to rob the store when she had her own problems to worry about and then convinced the girls to go along with it, she went to Rio to ask for more work back in season 1, she asked him to up their drops, the list goes on.

She tends to call the shots and drag them along for the ride, so it seems consistent with her personality that she’d keep the money to herself until she needed it, and then inform the girls. 

8. The birth of the cars for cash business! Is this Beth’s best idea? Her worst? How do you rank it, both in general and among the girls’ other schemes? And do you think it could’ve worked longterm if Turner wasn’t so fixated on Beth?

Probably the best idea she came up with tbh. The others were pretty poorly thought through, as far as long term strategising goes. It could’ve worked really well if they had an accountant keeping the books looking kosher. 

9. The Beth and Dean arc this episode is perhaps one of their most frustrating (in spite of the extremely cathartic resolution, haha). Do you think Dean’s belittling of Beth and his feelings of Beth emasculating him are new to their relationship or have been around for a long time? How do you think they really see each other?

I think they lived in a state of blissful ignorance and their initial interaction (love you, tunafish) was really indicative of that. Him belittling her was probably prevalent in the beginning of the relationship, but I think she probably just placated him and got on with her life. Now she’s clearly growing tired of his shit, just not. fast. enough.

I don’t think they’re in love though. I think Dean’s feelings for her are fuelled by narcissim. She’s obviously good looking and from the outside, he has it all. The house in the burbs, kids, hot wife, family business etc. That’s what he cares about - the image. I don’t think Beth is too dissimilar. I think she probably looked up to Judith as a teenager and idiolised that life, which Dean could provide. I don’t think she ever had deep, romantic, feelings for him. But she probaly does care for him, to an extent.

10. The Annie and Beth arc is also pretty telling of the characters’ history. It’s also one of the few times we’ve deliberately seen Beth seek out Annie for comfort (often it’s incidental that Annie’s there). What do you think this tells us about their relationship, both historically, and where they are at this point in the series?

I think it’s one of the few moments that their sibling bond is believable. It’s pretty accurate that, as Annie is maturing, she becomes less of a fuckup baby sister who needs everyone to clean up after her and grows into someone that beth can turn to for comfort/advice. Makes sense that this happens later in life, considering the significant age gap.

11. Ruby’s scene at the Quick Cash with JT is really significant – both in terms of it being a generally delightful scene, but also as a touchstone demonstration of Ruby’s increasing unwillingness to swallow her pride. Do you think Ruby prior to the series commencing would’ve reacted to JT’s goading in this way? And how do you think this scene compliments the scene earlier in the episode with Stan admitting he’s taken another loan too?

I thinks she would’ve wanted to, but literally couldn’t afford to. She had the means and opportunity to give him a dose of karma. But it’s always been in her nature to talk shit - diner dickweed in season 1. She refused to swallow her pride and apologise.

That, along with Stan taking another loan, seems to fit in well with the Hill’s entire arc of trying to be good people and being consistently shit on for it.

12. THE. BATHROOM. BREAK. That’s it. That’s the question. Please elaborate on your thoughts and feelings.

Am i supposed to be able to form thoughts or sentences that adequately express my feelings?

Petty king is also king of consent, he let beth take the lead - love it.

Judging from the papertowel dispenser, stroke game was strong.

Penis levitation is now a part of my vocab, thank you for your service, Rio.

10/10 - would definitely recommend being railed in a bathroom by this man.

13. Greg and Annie have what’s their last break-up in this episode (at least up until now). Why do you think this particular one stuck? And do you see any sort of future for them?  

I feel like the key difference was Annie putting her foot down and saying “no”. Idk if I can see them getting back together, becasue I don’t think she’d have another affair when there’s a child in the mix and he’s too much of a pussy to divorce Nancy unless he has a guaranteed backup plan aka Annie. Still kinda ship it though.

14. Annnnd lastly, what do you make of the final scene at Boland Motors? What do you think Rio thought following both the bathroom break and this moment?

I think that Rio was genuinely flipping his game and moving away from cash and, in turn, Beth. But the bathroom break changed his mind, so he got curious and wanted to know what she came up with for the money, only to find out that she gave it to Dean. Given how possessive Rio is of his money, in combination with the feelings for Beth which had just been stirred up, I think his jealous side came out and he took back the money. 

Up until this point, the entire Brio dynamic was him holding the power and exerting it whenever he saw fit. The second he followed her into that bathroom, he gave up whatever semblance of control or power he had left. The man is a very obvious control freak and so I don’t think he does well or feels secure in those situations. Him smashing up the car was basically an attempt to re-establish dominance and convince himself (and Beth) that he was still in control; with the added bonus of emasculating dean and making money.

And daaaayyyyyyyuuuuuuummmmm if I don’t enjoy watching that scene. The emasculation of Dean, Rio being petty, Beth malfunctioning at the possibility of Dean finding out she got dicked down in the bathroom, while he sat outside trying (and failing) to get the waiter’s attention. I DIE

#4am thoughts #rio's stroke game is obvs fire #would def care to experience it #dean is trash #hate him #die bitch #stan deserves the earth #petty ruby is iconic #annie is way smarter than anyone (including the writers) gives her credit for #gg rewatch 2x04 #gg rewatch

[mrsamaroevans]

HAMILTON QUOTES PROMPT LIST

I know there are people who already did this, but, anyway. I made this list of prompts with quotes from the musical Hamilton including the off-broadway versions.

"This kid is insane, man"

"There's a million things I haven't done..."

"Just you wait"

"You could never back down"

"You never learned to take your time"

"Me? I loved him"

"I'm the damn fool that shot him"

"Pardon me, are you _____?" "That depends, who's asking?"

"I have been looking for you"

"I'm getting nervous"

"I may have punched him"

"He looked at me like I was stupid, I'm not stupid"

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"That would be nice"

"Let me offer you some free advice"

"You can't be serious"

"Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead"

"Who is the best?"

"Give us a verse, drop some knowledge!"

"I am not throwing away my shot"

"You keep out of trouble and you double your choices"

"I think your pants look hot"

"_____ I like you a lot"

"Oh, am I talking too loud?"

"For the first time, I'm thinking past tomorrow"

"I may not live to see our glory... but I will gladly join the fight"

"When our children tell our story, they'll tell the story of tonight"

"No matter what they tell you"

"Tomorrow there'll be more of us"

"Daddy doesn't need to know"

"Like I said, you're free to go"

"Remind me what we're looking for..."

"_____, you disgust me"

"Ah, so you've discussed me"

"You can trust me"

"So men say that I'm intense or I'm insane"

"Look around at how lucky to be alive right now!"

"Let him be"

"It's hard to listen to you with a straight face"

"My dog speaks more eloquently than thee"

"If you repeat yourself again I'm gonna scream!"

"Honestly, look at me"

"Please don't read"

"Why so sad?"

"Now you're making me mad"

"Remember, despite our estrangement, I'm your man"

"You'll be back"

"Soon you'll see"

"You'll remember you belong to me"

"You'll be the one complaining when I am gone"

"Don't change the subject"

"I'll love you 'till my dying days"

"Don't throw away this thing we had"

"Here he comes"

"The moment you've been waiting for"

"Can I be real a second?" "Let down my guard and tell the people how I feel a second?"

"Who are you?"

"I have some questions"

"You wanted to see me?"

"Close the door on your way out"

"Have I done something wrong?"

"Your reputation precedes you"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Look into your eyes and the sky's the limit"

"I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight"

"Then you walked in and my heart went 'boom'"

"Yo, this one's mine"

"Then you look back at me and suddenly I'm helpless"

"I'm so into you"

"Where are you taking me?"

"I'm about to change your life"

"Thank you for all your service"

"If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it"

"Now my life gets better, every letter that you write me"

"If you really loved me, you would share _____"

"There's nothing that your mind can't do"

"We're through"

"Be true"

"That boy is mine"

"My love for you is never in doubt"

"And long as I'm alive, _____, swear to God you'll never feel so helpless"

"My life is gon' be fine 'cause _____'s in it"

"I remember that night"

"I just might regret that night for the rest of my days"

"I'll never forget the first time I saw your face"

"When you said 'hi' I forgot my dang name"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean"

"I'm a girl in a world in which my only job is to marry rich"

"My father has no sons so I'm the one who has to social climb for one"

"That doesn't mean I want ____ any less"

"You will never be satisfied"

"You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind"

"Well, I heard you've got a special someone"

"What are you trying to hide?"

"If you love this woman/man, go get her/him!"

"What are you waiting for?"

"You're the closest friend I've got"

"Your man has to answer for his words"

"What is the meaning of this?"

"Meet me inside"

"You're absolutely right"

"____ should have shot him in the mouth, that would've shut him up"

"Watch your tone"

"I am not a maiden in need of defending, I am grown"

"I need you alive"

"How long have you known?"

"You should have told me"

"I'm not sorry"

"I knew you'd fight until the war was won"

"You deserve a chance to meet your son"

"Will you relish being a poor man's wife, unable to provide for your life?"

"I relish being your wife"

"Look at where you are" "Look at where you started"

"The fact that you're alive is a miracle"

"Just stay alive, that would be enough"

"If this child shares a fraction of your smile or a fragment of your mind... that would be enough"

"I don't pretend to know the challenges you're facing"

"I'm not afraid"

"I know who I married"

"As long as you come home at the end of the day"

"We don't need a legacy"

"We don't need money"

"If you could let me inside your heart"

"Let me be part of the narrative"

"Let this moment be the first chapter"

"That would be enough"

"I gotta meet my son"

"When you knock me down I get the fuck back up again"

"Don't come crawling back to me"

"You're on your own"

"When you came into the world, you cried and it broke my heart"

"I'm dedicating every day to you"

"Domestic life was never quite my style"

"When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart"

"And I thought I was so smart"

"When you smile I am undone"

"Look at my son"

"Pride is not the world I'm looking for"

"My father wasn't around; I swear I'll be around for you"

"I'll do whatever it takes"

"I'll make a million mistakes"

"I'll make the world safe and sound for you"

"Soon that attitude may be your doom!"

"Why do you always say what you believe?"

"It's the middle of the night"

"What do you need?"

"I know I talk too much"

"Hear me out"

"You're making a mistake"

"I am doing the best I can"

"I know it's a lot to ask"

"Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?"

"But the sun comes up and the world still spins"

"What'd I miss?"

"Where have you been?"

"I'm already on my way"

"If the shoe fits, wear it" "I'll show you where my shoe fits"

"You think I'm frightened of you, man?"

"And there you are, an ocean way"

"Do you have to live an ocean away?"

"Take a break"

"There's a little surprise before supper and it cannot wait"

"Your son is nine years old today"

"I have a sister but I want a little brother"

"Our kid is pretty great"

"You won't be an ocean away"

"You will only be a moment away"

"It's good to see your face"

"You're not joining us?"

"I know I'll miss your face"

"I'm sorry to bother you at home, but I don't know where to go"

"Well, I should head back home"

"Lord, show me how to say no to this"

"Please, don't go"

"Nobody has to know"

"I guess I'm gonna finally have to listen to you"

"I wanted what I got"

"I'm sure he already knows"

"Excuse me?"

"I've always considered you a friend"

"I don't see why that has to end"

"The only person you have to convince is me"

"____ knows nothing of loyalty"

"You must be out of your goddamn mind"

"You're nothing without ____ behind you"

"I wanna give you a word or warning"

"I don't know what you heard, but whatever it is ____ started it"

"You'll see what I can do to him"

"Relax, have a drink with me"

"Let's take a break tonight"

"Have you read this?"

"You said you were mine" "I thought you were mine"

"You and your words flooded my senses"

"I'm burning the memories"

"I hope that you burn"

"Shh! I'm trying to watch the show!"

"If you had only heard the shit he said about you"

"I doubt you would have let it slide and I was not about to"

"You don't want this young man's blood on your conscience"

"Is he alive?"

"Can I see him, please?"

"You did everything just right"

"Is he breathing?"

"Is he going to survive this?"

"I never liked the quiet before"

"I know I don't deserve you"

"I know there's no replacing what we've lost... just let me stay here by your side"

"Is there anything you wouldn't do?"

"I learned that from you"

"I am not the reason no one trusts you"

"Even if I said what you think I said"

"I don't wanna fight"

"I won't apologize for doing what's right"

"I can't apologize because it's true"

"_____ come back to sleep"

"It's still dark outside"

"I'll be back before you know I'm gone"

"Best of wives and best of women"

"Now I'm the villain in your history"

"I was too young and blind to see..."

"I stop wasting time on tears"

"Can I show you what I'm proudest of?"

"I can't wait to see you again"

"I've gotta stop a homicide"

"What in the hell was that?"

"What in the hell are you doing downtown?"

"I will not let our family be embarrassed like this"

"Let the whole world know"

"You better have another punch to throw"

"You could let it go"

"Stay alive for me"

"People will always be critical"

"Let other people be cynical"

"You're smiling because you know I'm right"

"You didn't kill him, did you?"

"Were you here this whole time?"

"You don't have to bring a gun to a knife fight"

"You know you really oughta listen to your wife, right?"

"Let everybody know you can take a body blow"

"Let everybody know you can learn to let it go"

"You wouldn't know what I'm doing"

"You have invented a new kind of stupid"

"Truly, you didn't think this through?"

"I begged you to take a break, you refused to"

"You know what I'm here to do?"

"I'm not here for you"

"I will choose her happiness over mine"

"____ is the best thing in our lives"

"____ changed my life"

"____ made my life worthwhile"

"I'll be there for you"

"Don't take another step"

"I can't be trusted around you"

"Don't think you can talk your way into my arms"

"You can stand over there if you want"

"I don't know who you are"

"I have so much to learn"

"I have seen women around you" "How they fall for your charms"

“When will you learn?”

"If you thought you were mine... don't"

#prompts #prompts list #hamilton prompt #hamilton #prompts writing #writing #fanfiction #fanfic

[whitherliliesbloom]

Wondrous Tails #5

Wondrous Tails SFW Entry #5 Prompt: Movie Date  Characters / Ship: Illya(WOL)/Alphinaud Modern AU, Alphinaud is a rich 20 year old college student and Illya is a few months older and owns a cafe 1,370 words

There was something about the idea of firsts with Illya that always made Alphinaud nervous, even if it is over something as simple as a movie date. 

Their first date together to an art gallery had felt incredibly awkward, and it didn’t help that Alphinaud had over-planned their trip so much that he’d practically been dragging the poor lady all over the exhibit, less care put into her pace than he’d have hoped.. And when Illya had insisted on seeing herself home without needing his escort, he’d believed with much dread that she would certainly break things off with him over text that very night. He wouldn’t be able to blame her if she did after such a disastrous first date. 

To his relief and pleasant surprise however, the messages he’d received had been ones of gratitude - a brief few sentences expressing her thanks towards him for the ‘fun’ day.. and implications that she’d like to go on yet another with him some time... if he wanted to, that is.

Their subsequent dates had been less awkward, as they grew more comfortable with the idea of being seen in public as a couple without having to grow flustered and red in the face whenever the cashier so much as asks if they were a pair.

Being somewhat of a naturally authoritative person himself, it was thus something of a miracle when Alphinaud finally took his sister’s advice and asked for Illya’s opinion on where their next date should take place. 

Her suggestion was rather simple and generic - a movie date.. A staple date of any new couple that he’s appalled he hadn’t thought of it before.

It should have been a basic enough process - but complications begin as soon as he arrives to see Illya already in line, waiting in the wrong queue.

“Illya- What are you doing?” Alphinaud knows by now to not startle her, as he waves to garner her attention before asking. “This is the wrong line.”

“H-huh?” The young woman’s turns to look up at him, head tilted to the side in confusion. “But.. this is the line to order tickets.. right?”

Ah- How silly of him to forget- Even with something as simple as a movie date, his experiences far differ that of the normal public. Perhaps he should really take Alisaie’s suggestion of learning more intimately on how others of... less privileged upbringing as they go about their everyday lives. 

Now wasn’t quite the time to do so though. 

With a gentle tug of her hand, Alphinaud leads her away from the queue, much to her further confusion.

“Let’s order from this queue, instead.” 

Illya’s violet eyes widen as she looks up, and he feels her tugging his hand back towards the the queue she’d just been standing in.

“B-but..that’s the VIP line!” 

“Ah.. yes, that’s where my family always get our tickets from.” 

Internally, the young woman could only wonder just how many movies the man has seen in his life that he’d have the luxury of spending extra money for a premiere movie viewing experience all of his life. 

She knew Alphinaud came from a well to do family.. in fact, perhaps saying that is even undervaluing the true worth of the Leveilleur company.. but a posh way of living has never been an option for her, and she never thought it would ever be a part of her life - not even after confessing her feelings to the heir of one of the country’s biggest household names... His money was not at all the reason she’d grown so attached to him, after all.

The idea of him not only paying for their date again, but also choosing the far more expensive option somewhat frightens her.. Was she even allowed to go through the VIP line with her modest background? 

“B-but.. I’ve never... What if..” 

Sensing Illya’s growing hesitation, the man tugs her closer to him as he leads them to the front of the sparkling, marbled counter away from the crowds, a reassuring smile upon his face.

“Well, there’s a first for everything, yes? We’ll see how you enjoy the experience for this once. If it makes you uncomfortable, we could always go to the other line.”

Despite her own uncertainty, the only thing she loathed more than overspending was rejecting his sincerity. Her nod thus came after a long pause and a flustered blush upon her cheeks, which only made Alphinaud’s smile grow all the wider as he fishes out his card from his wallet.

It’d be an understatement to say that the entire VIP treatment that came with such a steep price was simply elevated. From the moment they were granted that silvery, glossy tickets that Illya could swear looked more expensive to make than any of her own IDs, to the waiting area she was led by the hand into a little away from the crowded escalators leading up to the ordinary theaters, Illya is overwhelmed by the sheer luxury and exclusivity of everything.  

The only thing she could expect next would be gold-dusted popcorn.. though she is yet again shocked when she was presented with a menu of all things, listing a range of restaurant quality foods, some of which she could not even pronounce the name of. And yet with prices so high that a single dish alone would be enough to pay for three days worth of meals for her, it would come as no surprise that she’d vehemently refuse to order anything of her own accord.

“How about a cup of earl grey, then?” Alphinaud coaxes, already having given up on attempting to convince her to order any of the proper entrees. The least he could do was get her to ease up enough to order a drink.

“T-that’s over 12 dollars... for a cup of tea?”

“The finest earl grey by Grande.. One of the best in the world. You’ll love it, I promise.”

Gold dusted popcorn would perhaps be preferable to paying such an amount for a simple cup of tea.. though perhaps sensing that her date would not relent until she has agreed to let him order her a single item off the menu, perhaps the cheapest of the hot teas provided would be a better option than having him order a bottle of wine. 

With beverages ordered then, they are finally allowed into the theater, where Illya is yet again utterly confounded by the taste of a wealthy lifestyle. The seats were a far cry from the cramped ones she was used to - resembling more like recliners and even a sofa than a movie theater seat..

Sat atop their seats would be a pair of cushions and a blanket, clearly intended for the pair to share, seeing as there was not a single other soul within the same theater.

Like a gentleman, Alphinaud offers her to sit first, sliding next to her before gently laying the blanket over their laps. He isn’t quite bold enough to wrap his arm around her, not until he feels Illya press up against his side, with the edge of the blanket bunched up into her hands to cover a portion of her reddened face.

“E-everything feels so...expensive.. I’m sorry...”

He shakes his head quickly, sliding his arm around her shoulder to pull her closer.

“You needn’t apologize. I was the one who insisted on taking you here.”

“B-but-”

A squeeze of her arm and a gentle stroke of her hair was all it took to silence her protests, and Alphinaud could not help but chuckle as he notes even in the dim lighting how dark the hues of red on her cheeks have become. 

“Just enjoy the movie, now.. You said you were looking forward to this, weren’t you?”

It was true that she’d told him she was looking forward to the movie - a silly little romantic comedy that she’d overheard a number of the patrons of her cafe talk about. But between the warmth of Alphinaud’s body against hers, to the aftershock of being practically treated like a princess, Illya wasn’t sure anymore if she’d be able to pay attention to the screen in front of her.

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #alphinaud leveilleur #illya skawi #fanfic #mine #we've come so far #modern au #wondrous tails #alphinaud #so this was very badly written and i'm sorry #it was a lot cuter in my head but halfway through I just got so tired and writer's block was awful #but it's been.. two days since my last wondrous tails entry? #sorry but this is easily my least favorite wondrous tails entry so far!!!!

[ficstogo]

What A Difference!

Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Summary: Joe has always had a crush on you since he was young but you’re four years older than him and it has always been a struggle. Now that you’re adults, things could be different.

Word Count: 4277

Warnings: None

To say that Joe was just a friend would be a lie. You would say that he might be the closest friend you’ve ever had, while you’d be his greatest friend in his entire life. Your father and his dad were the greatest of friends, so of course their children would be hanging out with each other quite often. So for the earlier statement on being Joe’s greatest friend is not a lie. You were four years older than him so of course you’d be on the list of people he’s known for so long. You could find yourself in his baby pictures, including when he was just born. Like stated, your dads were great friends.

Four years wasn’t too bad of a difference. Except it was for Joe. All his life. Scratch the whole “greatest” and “closest” friends thing. You were his bestest friend. The issue is, he’s had a crush on you since he was eight. He could remember the first time he took in your appearance at that age. You were sweet and pretty and easy to get along with. Even though you were older, you never treated him like a baby and that’s what he appreciated. Not like your other siblings, especially your sister who was only a year older than him. (When she found out that age gets you to places, she couldn’t help but flaunt it). Not only that, but since you were above him, he was able to go to you for all his problems, as you weren’t too far away from the experiences he was going through. Since you’ve been there and done it, it helped having time to grow and learn from each experience, you always were the one to get the best advice from.

He remembered the time how he was to attend his audition for Jurassic Park. He was a nervous wreck as he knew who Steven Spielberg was and how much of a big deal he his. You weren’t into the actual acting business but you were one of the main roles for your school play a year ago and so you used that experience to help him with this big deal. You told him that it would be like every other audition that he’s done before, to not mind who the director is and that if he tried too hard, his best wouldn’t shine. You made sure to tell him to practice his lines and do what he feels is right and that if he didn’t get the role, it’s not the end of the world. He paid attention to every word you said, knowing that you could never be wrong and because of that advice, he got to play Tim Murphy.

Your teenage years was what made things a little awkward. You knew about his young boy crush but you always thought he’d get over it eventually. That’s when you realized that he never really did as he got jealous with the boyfriends you had throughout high school. But there was one point in time that made you feel all sorts of strange when you caught him and his friends sneaking a peek from your bedroom door while you were changing to go for a night out with some friends. You felt a strange shift in the air whenever you were around him especially since you didn’t go after him about it, not wanting to embarrass him.You never caught him doing it again but he couldn’t look you in the eyes afterwards. That’s when you took it upon yourself to sort it all out.

“Joe, can we talk?” You asked him one day catching him while he was walking his bike back to his house.

He took a slight peek at you and stopped right where he was, looking around the neighborhood in a nervous manner. “Uh, yeah, sure. What do you want to talk about?”

“That night I caught you and your friends peeking at me.” You said a bit sternly to make sure he wouldn’t take this lightly.

“You’re not gonna tell my mom are you!? I’m so sorry! I wasn’t trying to peek at you I swear!” He panicked.

“Joe! Relax! I’m not going to tell your mom. I just wanna talk about what happened that night. You’re acting really weird and I really want to help you.”

“R-really? I didn’t mean too! I swear!” He felt guilty, that was certain. He was also scared from that day on. He had no idea on what to do and usually when he didn’t know what to do, he would go to you but he couldn’t do that. He thought that since you didn’t confront him that day, he would play along as if nothing happened. Joe thought he was doing a real good job at it since you never came to him but at this very moment, he realized that even though he was a child actor, he somehow couldn’t act his way around you.

“Then what happened?”

“I was hanging out with your brother in his room with our other friends, your mom called him downstairs and he took awhile and the other guys started getting bored. I waited and they left and then they called me over saying there’s something I should see and took me to your bedroom door. I swear I didn’t know what they were showing me and by the time they did you already caught me!” Joe expressed without taking a single breath of air. He was letting out his guilty confession as it was festering over time. He kept looking at you with pleading eyes, praying that you believed him. He knew better and he only hoped you didn’t look at him differently afterwards. He didn’t want to ruin his chances with you.

“It’s ok, Joe,” You place a hand to his shoulder in order to comfort him. “I understand. You didn’t know what you got yourself into and before you knew it, all of this happened.”

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I just didn’t know what to do after that and I was afraid that if I brought it up, you wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I didn’t want to make you feel weird or anything…” He said as his voice calmed down from his franticness.

You gave a small smile at his thoughtfulness. You thought for a split second that he was being a little creep but after the days that followed, he was always so nervous and you knew that he was too nice of a boy to try and do something so scandalous like that.

You pull him in for a hug with a reassuring pat on his back. “Aw, Joe, how could I possibly stop being friends with you! You had me worried from how quiet you were all the time and I didn’t want to say anything in front of anyone.”

“So you forgive me?” He looked up at you.

“Of course! I get what happened and I get that you were embarrassed. I can’t stay mad at you!”

From that day on, Joe couldn’t help but look at you differently from before. If anything, his little crush on you turned even bigger. You had his absolute trust and although he had plenty of people in his life to trust, he looked up to you more than anyone else in the world.

Throughout the years you two have seen each other at family get togethers and each year, you two made sure to have some quality time with one another. Especially now that you two are older and are able to connect better than when you were younger. These get-togethers provided an insight as to what kind of person Joe has come to be and honestly, you never felt closer to anyone except him.

Tonight was a special event. It was your brothers wedding and although it was small and took place at your parents backyard, there was a large crowd. He made sure to invite everyone, including the Mazzello clan. And that’s when you saw him. He was all dapper and clean cut with a nicely fitted suit that looked made for an actor. You always thought he was handsome but for some reason tonight, with the air full of love and everyone enjoying themselves, he was especially someone you wanted to look at for a good while. You didn’t meet up with him right away but after the ceremony you made a beeline for the drinks to calm your nerves before finding Joe.

As it turns out, Joe had the same exact thought. When he entered the backyard, he took sight of you. Like you, he always thought you were beautiful but tonight you glowed in your simple dress and heels and your loosely twirled hair that was done in a low bun. You looked free and natural, how he always liked. The fact that it was your brother getting married made him worried that maybe you were next to be standing in front of friends and family with your significant other. He could already feel his heart racing and was in desperate need to loosen up.

Once the both of you noticed each other in the occupied kitchen, you both swallowed your anxieties and leant in to each other for a hug and kisses on each others cheek. “Wow, Y/N, you look just…absolutely incredible.” Joe says as he pulls away with a gentle hand on your waist.

“Thank you! You look…really good tonight.” You say as you eye him up and down hoping that the way you said that didn’t come out sounding all yearnful. Oh no, that’s exactly what I’m feeling like, huh?

“Thanks!”

“I really like your suit,” You say reaching for the lapels of his suit jacket. The feeling of your delicate fingers gliding over the fabric made him want to lean in more but resisted to do so in fear of being that weird little boy all over again. “Very snazzy.”

He could only let out a nervous chuckle out as your hand went back to your side, exhaling a breath of relief along with it so you wouldn’t notice. “I know right. I tried to find something that looked good. The hard part was to find something that fitted well so I didn’t have to bother going to a tailor.”

“Well, it really does fit you good.” You gave out a smile. You didn’t know it but you looked at him a bit longingly. Joe did and could feel his cheeks rise in temperature. Did you have a thing for him? Is he reading the look on your face right?

Clearing his throat once he noticed it fell quite between you two, he then asks your preference in beverage. It was strange this time around. You two had never been this awkward with each other, or, at least, he’s never been this awkward before and he didn’t know what it was now that was causing it. Maybe it was the fact that you were both at a wedding or maybe it was because he was afraid of getting comfortable with you all over again that it reminds him that those feelings for you that never went away. He didn’t know but from the time spent on waiting to get your guys drinks to the walk to the patio, both of your nerves have completely melted away and you two were back on track on being the friends from childhood duo once more.

“Looks like your brother’s having the time of his life.” Joe points out as he sees him swinging his now wife across the dance floor. Honestly, looking at them made him yearn for that kind of happiness. His luck with women hasn’t been the best as of late and this wedding only made him realize how single he was.

“I know. I just can’t believe he got married before all of us and he’s the youngest. I’m just wondering what his secret is…” You say in a tone of aw and curiosity.

“What do you mean? You didn’t bring a date with you?” Joe’s ears perked for your response. Whether he knew it himself or not, he was hoping to hear a no. Although it may be harsh, he was hoping to hear you were having the same troubles as him and to his relief, you did come here by yourself.

“Yeah, I went out on a few dates with some guys but they were all flops so I just didn’t bother really. I mean honestly, my parents aren’t constantly asking me when am I going to find a man, which is nice, so there really wasn’t much pressure to bring anybody for the wedding. What about you? You bring anyone special?”

Joe could only laugh as he continued to look on at the dance floor. “No, uh, with work and then trying dating apps and everything else in between, no one really peaked my interest or I didn’t with there’s.”

“Hmm, well, we can be single together.” You gave a sly smile as you nudged his arm with your elbow.

Joe then goes on to laugh some more at your words. “Yeah. I much rather have that. At least with you, I’ll know what I’m getting myself into.”

You raise an eyebrow at that with a smile on your face. “Oh yeah? And what antics were you thinking we’d get into.” As soon as you said that, the DJ transitions to an oldie but a goodie. One that at the time, it was too peppy to understand that it’s lyrics were a little depressing but it’s beat was something Joe definitely wanted to dance to.

Joe stands on his nice leather dress shoes while setting his glass down and offers his hand to you. You gladly accept it as you already knew where he was leading you to. “Well for one, dancing our asses off and showing everyone our stuff.” His smile was what got you right at that moment and you really didn’t know why it took you by surprise but it did and you felt a little different than all the other times he’s smiled.

He wasted no time in showing his moves, bopping around and staring you down in a comical way. You only stood there laughing at him while nodding your head as you couldn’t believe the way he was dancing but he stuck his hand out once more. You pulled yourself into him little and bopped along with him. As one song came to an end another took its place and you two didn’t slow down at all. You were having too much fun and Joe was as well. He can admit that although you two weren’t the greatest dancers in the world, you two sure had the best energy on the dance floor, especially when together. Sure you may tripped over each others and feet and maybe stepped on a toe or two but any form of embarrassment would take place for just a second until it vanished into pure fun once more.

Once the DJ noticed that most of the guests have either sat down or started to slow down in their steam, he transitioned into a slow song. A song meant for couples. A song where you would hold each other close and whisper sweet sugar to each other. Joe took notice when he heard the first couple of notes while you kept on dancing to the end of the previous song. While you two were having fun, why not pull you in for one of these songs? You felt a hand on your waist confusing you until you noticed it was Joe’s. He only gave you knowing eyes as to ask permission. You placed your hands on his shoulders and decreased the distance between you two.

The both of you just swayed side to side smiling and chatting away. By the next song, you felt all too comfortable as you had your head resting on his shoulder while your fingers played with the ends of his hair. Joe could feel the drums playing in his chest. This was all too perfect. Too perfect for it to end. Too perfect that he wanted it to end before he fall any harder for you. He wanted it to end so he didn’t have to be reminded that there is no him and you, at least not in the way he wanted it to be. He wanted so bad for it to end but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He convinced himself that this would be a nice souvenir. A nice piece of closure so he’d know what it felt like to hold you this close.

Because of that, he found his cheek resting on your head with eyes closed. He could smell your wonderful perfume, feel the way his arm wrapped around you so well while he resisted his other hand to rub up and down your back in an affectionate way. He could only let out a deep breath as he kept on holding you close while you clinged on to him.You felt it too. The feeling of wanting to be so close to him, to do little things that would deem questionable amongst strangers if they knew you were only friends. The scene before them could only make them argue against that. You kept yourself from turning your head to face his neck and have your nose tickle the skin while you inhaled more of his rich cologne. You stopped yourself from snaking your hands to rest on his cheeks for a bit so your fingers can graze against the skin there that looked as if he only shaved recently. To be honest you liked the scruff he always tried to grow.

It was hard for the both of you to pull away from each other as soon as new upbeat song started to play. You two only stayed the way you were for a moment more but in that moment you both felt as if you were on the same page so you when you pulled away from each other slowly and timidly looked in one anothers eyes, it was for some reason not as awkward as you thought it would be.

From there, you took Joe’s wrist and pulled him inside of the house, passing all the guests that took no notice and up the staircase and down the hall. In that moment Joe would have freaked out, would have been out of his mind as to what you were planning but he wasn’t. He was calm, trusting, dazed. It’s as if he was in a complete trance, accepting of whatever you were about to do. He snapped out of it as soon as he notice where he was. Your old room. Now he was nervous.

You only pulled him down to sit with you on the side of your bed that faced the window that overlooked the backyard. Everyone was still as lively as you left them. “I’m sorry I pulled you away from the party, I just wanted a some quite for a bit.”

“No, it’s, uh, no problem.” Then it fell silent as you both looked through the window. Joe looked but he took glimpses of your hand still gripping his wrist. You were too much in the zone to care about how Joe would react about you placing your head on his shoulder as you continued to look out. Even though you were in your old room, with your family downstairs having fun, you never felt more at home than how you were situated right now. This whole thing felt too comfortable. So cozy. So at peace and it was all because you were with Joe. That’s when you noticed that this feeling was nothing new. That whenever it was just you two, you never felt more at ease, as if the world could send you a hundred problems for you to bear and yet you wouldn’t feel a single ounce of stress because Joe was next to you. That’s exactly what was going on right now but this time you were acknowledging it and you really didn’t know what to do with that truth.

“You know, when I was a lot younger, I always imagined how our wedding would’ve gone.” He had a smile on his face as he saw all that danced away and chatted. Chuckling was what came naturally to you in response.

“Oh yeah? How did it go?”

“Well I was still cute wearing a tux and you were wearing that one white flowy dress you wore for easter sunday, when you were like, what, twelve?”

“Right, the one with the giant sparkly bow in front of it. Mom was so happy when she founded it when she went out shopping.” You laughed at the memory. She was so insistent on you wearing it for the closest special occasion and easter happened to be the most available. You even remember whining to her about how you were old enough to pick your own clothes and how you should go out and buy another nice dress to wear instead of that one. In the end you gave in as she guilt tripped you about how you were growing up so fast and how she wanted this one last ditch effort into treating her baby.

You could feel the heat on your cheeks when you heard Joe laugh. “Yeah, and uh, everyone was there in a church and you were holding this really nice bouquet of daisies for some reason instead of like, I don’t know roses.” From that point, Joe just kept chuckling at himself. As he kept talking, you both didn’t realize that you were lying against his arm with your legs curled up and your hand holding onto his forearm.

This time Joe laughed harder as he remembered this small detail from his memory. “And-And there was, there was the wedding cake but ins-instead of a bride and groom, it was-it,” he couldn’t help but die at the memory. What was his eight year old mind thinking? His infectious laugh had got you going as well. “It was a T-rex and one of your old polly pockets you gave to your sister.” You snorted at his confession, leaning back further, not able to catch any air into your lungs.

“Oh my god, and there was a circus! And a bounce house! Oh my god!”

“Joe s-stop! I-I can’t breathe!” Soon enough, all the laughing died down and the both of you were able to think straight once more as the oxygen reached your brains.

“Can I just be honest with you for a minute?” He said in a more serious tone.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Back then, I thought you were, like, my one and only because you know how kids are.” You only nodded as you continued to look out of the window. “And I know, that you know how much I like you. I think it was so obvious to everyone,” Did he say like or liked? “But you never made fun of me or treated me any different and I just wanna say thanks for that.”

“Of course Joe. If anything, you’re probably my bestest friend and I couldn’t mess that up for anything.” You finish saying. Joe could only look down and chuckle.

“Yeah, that’s the thing though. I understand that me being young, it’s a lot easier to have a crush and everything but now that I’m older, where I’ve grown out of that stuff, I only come to realize that I’ve never grown out of the feelings I have for you. I know, I know, you’re not interested but I just want you to know that now that we’re both older, I know exactly how I feel and being adults, I think it’s best if you know.”

It was strange. You’ve always known and yet it still surprised you. You’ve always known and never thought much of it. Now you were thinking so many things at once and yet only one thought occurred. Your hand slid to lay atop of Joe’s hand, playing with his fingers. “Who said I wasn’t interested?”

Once he heard you say that, he turned his head to look down at you. You only took a peek at him before going back to look at your hand. “You’re not serious are you?”

“Well if you ask me, you could actually get an answer.”

“Alright…Well, do you maybe wanna go out sometime with me?”

You only turn your head to look up at him, he looked cool and collective with a small knowing smile on his face but his eyes told a different story and for some reason you didn’t want to see him all tensed up. “How about tomorrow night? Or are you busy then?”

A mental sigh of relief escaped him as he gave you a bright smile. “Tomorrow night would be fantastic…”

“Tomorrow night it is then. For now, lets just cozy up. I really don’t want to move from this spot.” You gave a wink as he only smiled bigger. This felt like one of the many dreams Joe has had in the past but to you this felt like a step towards a path you wish you done a while ago. Maybe because it had been years since anyone ever brought it up or maybe it never occured to that this could happen, that you were both adults that knew what you wanted.

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