#the universe keeps law alive just because it likes having its own special little guy to inflict further suffering upon

[dykealloy]

*average person gets thrown through 3 windows a year* factoid is actually just a statistical error. average person gets thrown through 0 windows per year. Trafalgar Law, who has been experiencing defenestration since he was 10 years old, is an outlier and should not have been counted

#lending credence to the theory that #the universe keeps law alive just because it likes having its own special little guy to inflict further suffering upon #further evidence for this coming up next episode👍😁 #love this scumbag wet ragdoll princess cat who catches Ls like no one else in one piece #trafalgar law #one piece #cj's op watch-through #cj's edits #amv #anime #donquixote rosinante #donquixote doflamingo

[buckyownsmylife]

hold up - andy barber fluff

The one where Andy gets you pregnant but you’re young and haven’t been dating for long.

Warnings:  Age gap (Divorced!Andy w/ College!Reader, so she’s legal), pregnancy, light angst, supportive!Andy, mentions of abortion, fluff, mentions of smutty thoughts so I don’t think I advise minors to read this, AU! where Jacob is alive and in college and Laurie and Andy are divorced, minor medical scare from Andy’s confusion, miscommunication that leads to slightly asshole!Andy but it’s quick A/N: Special thanks to @navybrat817​ and @angrythingstarlight​ for helping me choose this collage. This fic was requested a while back. I ended up focusing more on the fact that the reader was younger than Andy (which wasn’t even part of the request) than on the fact that they hadn’t been dating for long, mostly because in my mind, this was happening in the same universe as this fic. Hope you guys like it and respect the reader’s decision to keep the baby the same way you should respect it if she decided to abort it or give it up for adoption. 

Andy’s P.O.V.

Another day, another case, another headache. Working in law gets more tiring every day, and yet I persisted. Even through a divorce and its subsequent complications, I persisted. Sometimes, I forgot why.

I missed the days I remembered why I got into law in the first place. Those idyllic mornings, when I still thought I could change the world. Now all I wanted to do was to get home and eat my girlfriend’s pussy until she passed out from pleasure.

Just the thought of her sweet cunt had me licking my lips as I drove back to my place, wishing I could stop by hers instead. It still weirded me out that I was now in a relationship with someone that was my son’s age, someone who was still in college, but then I remembered all the moments we shared and was overcome with the realization that I simply didn’t want to let her go.

I knew it was selfish of me, but I believed I deserved at least this good thing in my life after my separation. As long as she wanted me, I wouldn’t let her go. And I was pretty sure that if she decided to leave me, I’d still fight for her to stay.

I loved her. I loved her enough to get through the hazard that was coming clean about our relationship to Jacob. I loved her enough to dream about a future together, even if it looked too far away for now. 

Still, I’d caught myself daydreaming about coming home to her more and more these days. It seemed that the more exhausted I was, the more I wanted her to be waiting for me when I crossed the apartment’s door, and I found myself thinking about buying a ring too many times for someone who had gone through such a lousy divorce and was dating a girl who still had college exams to worry about.

I knew our future together - if there even was one - was still too far, but I couldn’t help but want it now. Like, right now. So the fact that I wouldn’t be able to see her for another week or so while she prepared for finals was the closest thing to hell I could go through right now.

Which only made the sight of her by my apartment’s door that much sweeter. “Baby girl, what are you doing here?” Not even giving her the chance to explain, I pulled her into a needy kiss, desperate to taste her again.

I didn’t even notice that, in my eagerness to have her in my arms once more, I had dropped my briefcase and coat on the floor, opting to pay attention to the girl I held in the middle of the hallway.

I only saw the tracks of tears in her beautiful face when I released her, too. Immediately, my heart started to pound against my chest. Could something bad have happened to her? Was she hurt?

Cradling her face in my hands, I automatically started to wipe away her tears. “What’s going on, sweetheart? Why are you crying?” For whatever reason, my words only served to cause her crying to become more frantic, her sobs breaking out of her chest freely now.

My heart felt heavy at the sight of her that desperate. The urgent need to do something, to help her, but not knowing what could be done made my throat feel like it was closing. So I did the first thing I could come up with - I picked her up, not caring about my personal belongings at all as I managed to open the door and take her to the couch with me. 

“Shh… It’s alright, baby girl. I’m right here with you. Just tell me what happened, I’m sure I can help you somehow.” Again, it seemed like it was the wrong thing to say. My words took her to the verge of a panic attack if her breathing pattern was anything to go by, so I bit my tongue and focused on what I knew I could do at that very moment to help her, even if it was very little. I pulled her even closer to me, so her head was resting on my chest, and softly cradled her while rubbing her arm with one hand, while the other played with her hair. “I love you,” I repeated, over and over again. “You’re okay.”

It took some time, much longer than I hoped for, but at last her sobs started to come in bigger intervals, her breathing becoming deeper again. Slowly, she started to calm down and focus on me, and I waited until she was ready to speak, terrified of making her start crying again by pushing her to share what had caused such a terror.

“I went to the doctor today,” she started, and if at first my mind drew a blank because I had in no way anticipated this to be the start of her explanation, my heart quickly started to pound against my chest when I managed to process what she had said. 

Was she sick? I knew she had been feeling a bit under the weather recently, even throwing up some mornings, but I thought it was a bug that had been going around. She was in college, after all, and those environments were filled with bacteria, just waiting to spread any sort of illness they could provoke.

Was it something serious? For her to be that way, it had to have been. My hands started to sweat at the prospect of losing her. Automatically, I held her tighter, in desperate need to hear more but terrified of what was coming our way.

But she didn’t seem able to say it, whatever it was. Her eyes that had finally connected to mine since she started crying, suddenly fell down to her own hands, and her sniffles warned me that she had started to cry again.

“Y/N…” I begged, covering her hands with mine. “Princess, please, please talk to me. I’m going crazy here, sweetheart. I feel like I might pass out any second now.” Surprisingly, that granted me a giggle, and then, through sniffles and tears, she finally looked up at me again.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t know how to drop this bomb on Andy. How do you tell your much older boyfriend, who already has a child who’s your exact age, that you’re pregnant with his kid? I was terrified. Terrified that he wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore, that he would try to force me to get an abortion.

Terrified that I would have to do this alone.

But I had to tell him. Of course, I had. So taking one last deep breath, I squeezed the hand that was holding mine before confessing, in the bluntest possible way, since it was the only one I could come up with right now, “I’m pregnant.”

I don’t know what I was expecting. I hadn’t actually had the time to figure out how to tell him the news - hence my blurting in the simplest possible way - but that also meant I hadn’t really imagined any outcome for this. I had a lot of fears, of course, but no actual expectation. Still, Andy’s reaction managed to catch me by surprise.

At first, there was nothing at all. He just sat there, his huge hands still covering mine as he stared at me with a blank expression in his face. My heart pounded in my chest, and I could even hear it, amidst the silence in the room. Then, out of nowhere, he pounced on me, effectively knocking me back on the couch when he captured my lips with his. 

I couldn’t catch my breath as he enthusiastically devoured me, his hands cradling my face and caging me in as he forced me to make out with him on his sofa, like two teenagers after school. Andy was such a great kisser that it was hard for me not to melt against the soft cushions, instinctively opening my legs further so he could fit perfectly between them.

The way his strong body made me feel when it was covering mine was precisely what had got us in this mess, in the first place.

“Andy…” I tried to speak and push him away, but he was still kissing me desperately, opting for quick pecks around my face since I didn’t let him deepen his kiss again. “Andy!” I admonished when he continued to ignore me, choosing to suck tiny little bruises from my jaw down to my neck, instead. 

“Baby, I’m terrified over here. Can you please stop trying to distract me and tell me what you’re thinking?” That caught his attention. He finally reduced his kisses, slowly going back to his seating position on the couch and bringing me with him, laying me over his lap again.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s just… I’m so fucking relieved. First, I thought you’d break up with me. Then, since you talked about going to the doctor’s, I thought something was wrong with you. I was desperate, baby girl. Desperate. I figured, one way or another, I was going to lose you. And I don’t want to lose you.”

Hearing what was going on through his mind while I struggled to figure out how to explain what was happening made my heart feel heavy with guilt. I guess that, in the state I was in I kind of thought he would have realized what I was going to say, or simply not anticipate any sort of information whatsoever, so to hear that his mind jumped to these worst-case scenarios was heartbreaking to me.

“You’re not gonna lose me,” I assured him, reaching out for his hand and squeezing it in a small show of support. “I’m right here. But we need to figure out how we’re going to do this.” Andy blinked a few times before managing to voice his confusion.

“Do this what?” And then it was my turn to be confused.

“This… kid. What are we gonna do about this?” I watched as his nostrils flared, his grip on me momentaneously hardening, before he managed to get his emotions in check through a long exhale.

“You’re not seriously considering aborting my child, right?” The question - the tone - was like a slap to the face. In all honesty, that option had never even crossed my mind, but the way he was saying it, like I had no say in the matter, killed me inside.

“I’m gonna give you the time to figure out what the hell is wrong with you. I know that this is a pretty overwhelming situation and I just sprung this on you, but that is no excuse to address me in such a manner. Especially if you consider just how much I’m the one who’s really going to have my entire life turned upside down because of this.”

Andy’s P.O.V.

I groaned as I watched her leave the room in the direction of the bathroom, knowing this was her way of letting me know I shouldn’t look for her until I was prepared to apologize. But I was already ready. I knew how terrible my words had sounded, but it came from a place of love and happiness with the situation other than possessiveness. 

So, with that in mind, I rubbed my face before getting up and following her, just in time to find her reentering my bedroom. “I’m sorry, princess. I-I just didn’t know how to react when the thought of you getting an abortion popped into my mind. It’s not like you’re a fucking one night stand or a fling to me, but you’re absolutely right. It’s your body and you should do what makes you comfortable. I just ask you to keep in mind that I would love to have this child with you. I’d support you - I’d support the both of you unconditionally. I know we’ve only been dating for a few months, but I’m serious about you. I’m serious about us. I’d marry you tomorrow if it’s what you need to know how serious I really am about this. And yeah, it’s gonna be hard, but I’m here for you. I’m always gonna be here for you, every step of the way.”

By the time I was done with my speech, she had tears in her eyes again, only this time, I knew what it was about, so I only chuckled. “Come here, sweetheart.” I pulled her to me, hugging her close to my body as I caressed the back of her head. “We’re gonna be okay, one way or another.”

“You sure you’re not just gonna abandon me with a small child?” I knew that her question came from a place of insecurity, but I still couldn’t control myself as a growl escaped my chest, my hands tightening around her, as I reminded her, “You’re mine, baby girl. I’m never gonna leave you. Don’t even think that.”

Slowly, she stopped crying, until only a few sniffles were heard every once in a while. “Okay,” she mumbled in a small voice, clearing the bedroom from what was once a silent atmosphere.

“Okay?”

“Okay, let’s do this. Let’s… Let’s have a baby together.”

A huge smile slowly took over my face as I cradled hers in mine to make sure there was no trace of hesitation in her eyes. “We’re gonna be parents?”

“We’re gonna be parents,” she confirmed, accepting my hug again. “Well, you’re already a parent.” The reminder had me chuckling to myself.

“I can’t wait to tell Jacob about this. He’s going to flip.” The mischievous tone in my voice earned me a playful slap on the shoulder. 

“No teasing him more than necessary, Andrew. He’s already going to be pretty affected by this.”

“Can’t make any promises.”

#my fics #andy barber fluff #andy barber angst #angst #fluff #andy barber #andy barber fiction #andy barber writing #andy barber writings #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber ff #andy barber reader #andy barber oneshot

[blxetsi]

modern levi ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

levi ackerman x gn!reader

- firstly, lets get love language out of the way

- i think his love language would be acts of service

- so like, he'll brew your coffee for you and set out your favourite mug when he goes to the kitchen to make his tea (bc we all know he'd wake up earlier than you 🙄)

- or he'll pick up a muffin from your favourite bakery on his way home

- or if you ask him to remind you to do something later, he's immediately writing it out on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere youd notice

- he notices youre getting low on your favourite moisturizer ? or lipbalm ? he's taking a picture of the packaging and getting it the next time he drives past walmart or smth

- he just does little things that help make your day better

- now i feel like a lot of people say this already, but he is NOT very comfortable with public displays of affection

- its not that he doesnt like it when you touch him, or hold his hand, or kiss his cheek, he just gets flustered and feels like everyone is watching you two

- but one thing he does allow is looping your arms together while you walk, especially in crowded streets

- it doesnt mean he doesnt like being close with you, he just hates doing it public. when youre alone ? hes ALL OVER YOU.

- "will you play with my hair ?"

- "levi im working."

- "okay can you multitask ?" motherfucker 😐

- doesnt matter if hes the big spoon or little spoon, just being close to you is enough.

- also would try and get used to your love language

- if your love language is physical touch hes genuinely surprised by how many times you put his hands on him each day (NOT in a sexual way) like even his mother never touched him as much and he's a momma's boy 😳

- when you wake up your coming out to the kitchen to fill your coffee, but not before kissing the top of his head as you walk past

- then youre guzzling down your coffee like its water before putting it in the sink and walking back, petting his head in the process

- you'll hug him while hes cooking, or brushing his teeth. youre giving him kisses before he leaves and when he comes home, just little small acts of love, but it happens so frequently that levi cant help but notice it

- your love language is verbal affirmations ? youre getting your coffee while saying "goodmorning beautiful"

- "i love yous" are thrown at him a lot, they never fail to make him feel better

- youll compliment this man and he short circuits for a second, quickly gets used to it as time goes on

- also too i think he'd be taller in a modern au, but not very very tall like erwin, im talking 5'7" to 5'9"

- and he's fine with his height, it doesn't bother him that much, he's the average height of a man so what's the big deal ?

- also he really doesnt care about height either. youre shorter than him ? cool, that means he can bend down to give you little forehead kisses. around the same height as him ? awesome, that makes it easier for him to give you a peck on the lips. taller than him ? mf he'll climb you like a tree if he has to. really doesn't care.

- also doesn't have a preferences for body type or anything. he thinks that character is way more important than looks 100% and he'll always find different things about you beautiful. your laugh is weird ? k now he's making you two watch a john mulaney special to so youll laugh. hate your belly and wanna lose weight, he's holding you and telling you to only lose weight if you genuinely want to be "healthier" and not so you get skinny. your acne scars bother you ? he's kissing your cheeks a lot more than usual, but you can't complain. literally Loves Every Part of You

- also i think his family would absolutely ADORE YOU and his friends for that matter

- miss kuchel is pulling you into a hug the first time she sees you, and is so accomodating and sweet. shes genuinely interested in your interests and what you do for a living, and will NOT hesitate to get levi's baby pictures out if you ask.

- his uncle ? he probably wont be there for the family dinner, but then kuchel's gonna call him up like "levi's s/o ?? absolutely spectacular !!" and then hes like "huh maybe i gotta come visit to see the runt and his lover"

- also i think in a modern au, kuchel wouldve gotten really sick when levi is a boy, so kenny would have came home to take care of his sister and try and take care of levi. in the end she got better, and he went back to his own home, but now she requests that he come for at least one family holidy so they can all spend it together

- BUT back to mr. ackerman

- idk what he'd do in modern times, i used to think he'd be a good english professor for a university, but then i saw a headcanon that he'd go into law school and become a lawyer, and honestly ?? it makes sense

- after a long day at work he just wants to come home to you, he'll find you on the couch reading or doing some of your own work, so he'll just slip off his coat and blazer and undo his tie while slipping off his shoes by the door. before plopping his head in your lap and requesting you to play with his hair.

- if you don't live with him hes taking a shower and then immediately calling you asking to come over. if you can ?? great he'll be in bed waiting to be spooned. if not, thats fine, but levi would like to facetime and rant.

- also has the absolute WORST road rage

- "that little prick cut me off !"

- "levi he's taking his driver's test !"

- "so ? i hope that instructor doesn't give the idiot a pass 🙄" and then will immediately honk his horn at the poor kid.

- also wouldnt be a clean freak like in canonverse. his whole "everything has to be spotless" stuff stems from trauma, specifically being left in an apartment with his decaying mother for weeks on end, but since kuchel is alive that never happens

- were things a little hectic during the time she was sick ? sure ! but kenny always tried to tidy up a bit when he saw it was getting to levi.

- levi just likes things to be neat and tidy, he doesnt do a deep clean of his apartment every two weeks, but always makes sure to clean up his messes as soon as they happen

- also doesnt like to fight

- his mom raised him with the idea that communication is key, and always encouraged him to "explain why hes upset" so they could work together to come up with a solution

- its something hes taken with him to adulthood, and even though sometimes he sounds like hes talking to a child when hes trying to get you to "use your words" he really doesnt mean to

- if youre yelling at him he'll stand there like 😐 and wait until youre out of breath so he can say "okay lets talk about this"

- is also very handy

- have a hole in your wall ? hes coming over to fix it

- need a lightbulb changed ? hes got u dont worry

- you need to assemble a piece of furniture ? he glances at the step by step guide once before hes putting it together

- hes so great at that stuff, and you only have kenny to thank

- literally when kenny first came to stay with levi and kuchel when she was sick, the kitchen light went out and he asked levi to screw another lightbulb in, the poor kid stood there like 🤨 and when kenny said "what ? you don't know how to change a fucking lightbulb ?" levi shook his head and said "uncle kenny im seven 😐"

- kenny was APPALLED. and immediately made it his mission to make levi as handy as himself.

- also, dates with him are rlly lowkey.

- he likes being in your company, so staying home and ordering take out is AWESOME in his opinion. sometimes he'll dress up and make a fancy meal with you.

- if you like going to carnivals and stuff, he's reluctant but eventually caves. wins you a lot of the prizes.

- "fuck. this shit is rigged y/n"

- "sorry levi, lets go do something else !"

- "what ? no. give me another dollar im getting you that fucking turtle"

- hange always wants to see you. levi makes it his life mission to keep you away from them as much as possible. not because he doesnt want you to get along with his friends, just because he knows that hange will spill some embarassing secrets from his college days.

- erwin ? hes okay but hes on thin fucking ice.

- also is very gentlemanly. will not only hold the door for you but for everyone. hes waiting in line for his order and someone comes up behind him and asks him to scootch so they can get some napkins ? mf its grabbing a handful himself and handing it to the person, wishing them a nice day with a small smile. hes just like,, a genuinely good person

- his singing voice ? immaculate. will he sing for you ? no.

- he also loves playing board games with you. like chess or checkers. you love playing board games with him and his friends, specifically monopoly. hange makes moblit form an alliance with them. mike is a lone wolf, and erwin and levi are always helping each other out until erwin betrays him. lots of trust is ruined between these game nights, but you literally cant bring yourself to care because its so fun to watch it unfold

this is my first headcanon thingy !! im v excited !! hope u all enjoyed 🤩✨ should i do more headcanons like these ???

- all in all, levi is a cool guy, and a cool bf.

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #attack on titan x reader #armin arlert #mikasa ackerman #eren yeager #eren jaeger

[justalittlelitnerd]

What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera

“I don’t know if we’re a love story or a story about love. But I know whatever we are that it’s great because we kept jumping through the hoops in the first place.”

I didn’t think this story could possibly be cuter than I expected to be but it was. It far surpassed my expectations with it’s quirky, insecure ensemble of characters and the story was written in a way that convinced me to accept such an open ending when usually that’s my biggest pet peeve.

Overall, this story is just a fun take on a whirlwind summer romance because it pulls in all the weird, slightly crazy aspects of modern dating like missed connections and the ease of internet stalking. It was exactly what I needed as a counterbalance to the dumpster fire that is 2020 and if you’re looking for that brief escape into a wholesome, awkward romance and story about first loves and second chances and the complexity of dating and friendships than I would highly recommend!  

My only semi-complaint were the issues within Arthur, Jessie, and Ethan’s friendship could’ve been fleshed out more to do justice to the time the authors took to flesh out the side characters and their relationships with the main characters. I felt like that fight didn’t balance out the fight Ben had with Dylan because it was clear how that disagreement was building over the course of the summer. Also it felt too obvious that Jessie and Ethan were secretly dating and I was confused and unsatisfied by Ethan’s explanation that he didn’t text Arthur back the whole summer simply because it felt like lying and didn’t think twice about how ignoring Arthur (especially right after he came out) would make him feel. Also the whole time it made it seem like Arthur and Jessie were slightly closer and she had no qualms texting him and lying to him all summer and let’s just say I’m not as forgiving as Arthur was.

Let me know your thoughts!

Keep reading for some fun quotes I saved!

Normally, being an intern is more boring than terrible, but today’s uniquely shitty. You know that kind of day where the printer runs out of paper, and there’s none in the supply room, so you try to steal some from the copier, but you can’t get the drawer open, and then you push some wrong button and the copier starts beeping? And you’re standing there thinking that whoever invented copy machines is this close to getting their ass kicked? By you? By a five-foot-six Jewish kid with ADHD and the rage of a tornado? That kind of day? Yeah.

I believe in love at first sight. Fate, the universe, all of it. But not how you’re thinking. I don’t mean it in the our souls were split and you’re my other half forever and ever sort of way. I just think you’re meant to meet some people. I think the universe nudges them into your path.

Ex-boyfriend. Which means Box Boy dates guys. And okay. Wow. This doesn’t happen to me. It just doesn’t. But maybe the universe works differently in New York. Box Boy dates guys. I’M A GUY.

It’s weird—now I want to prove it. I want some gay ID card to whip out like a cop badge. Or I could demonstrate in other ways. God. I would happily demonstrate.

“On the sad scale, how are you feeling today?” Dylan asks. “Opening-montage-of-Up sad? Or Nemo’s-mom-dying sad?” “Whoa, no. Definitely not opening-montage-of-Up sad. That shit was devastating. I’d guess I’m somewhere in between, like last-five-minutes-of-Toy-Story-3 sad. I just need time to bounce back.”

“Let’s talk about why you really didn’t mail the breakup box,” Dylan says, like he’s going to bill me for this conversation. “Only if you drop the therapist voice,” I say. “Maybe we can begin with why my tone bothers you. Do I remind you of an authority figure?”

I’m certain that I’m 100 percent gay because if I was even 1 percent bisexual I would be crushing hard on Samantha for looks and high energy alone. Dylan watches Samantha as if she were glowing, and I wonder when I went dim for Hudson. If I ever really glowed for him at all.

“I would love to start my own app games. I have this one idea. It’s like Frogger, but instead of heavy-traffic streets, it takes place on the sidewalks of New York. You die if you get hit with someone’s shopping cart and you lose points if you cross a tourist’s path while they’re taking photos.

Emotional blue balls. That’s what it feels like. It’s being handed everything you’ve ever longed for, only for it to slip through your fingers. And there’s no way to fix it. Nothing you can do but slink toward the kitchen counter in a full-body mope.

"You’re not being fair to yourself,” Dylan says. “Maybe not. But I’m being honest.”

It’s this strangling fear that we’ll be sitting there and we’ll run out of something to say and I’ll be able to witness the exact moment someone falls out of love with me because I don’t have enough substance to keep a conversation alive over a meal. Why would you want to talk to me for the rest of your life?

But no. Not even close. Instead, it’s me bleeding out all my neuroses, looking for answers to questions I have no right to be asking. But I don’t know how to make myself stop asking them. People like me should come with a mute button.

I have only said one word on this call—a call I made—and I’m already ready to settle into another few hours of Arthur rambling. It’s better than my favorite Lorde and Lana Del Rey songs.

“You can sing a different song next time,” I say. I like that we’ll have a next time. That even though things have gone wrong, we’ve tried to make it right. “So I was nervous to admit this at karaoke, but—” “Please don’t tell me you’re actually a bunch of rats wearing a cute boy as a disguise.” “Worse.” I take a deep, dramatic breath. “I haven’t listened to Hamilton.” He doesn’t say anything. Then the line goes dead.

I tell him how I want to write Hamilton and Harry Potter crossover fanfiction and call it The Great American Fantasy Novel and stage all those duels in the dueling club and what houses I would sort everyone in.

“All history should be taught through rap by Lin-Manuel Miranda.”

“How lucky we are to be alive right now, right?” “Oh my god, you’re speaking Hamilton—I’m just so into you. I’m helpless.” I’m so into him too.

“For the most part, I think. But every city has its assholes.” I want to hug him, but he doesn’t want to be touched right now. Like any affection is going to become a target sign on our backs. Like we’ll get punished because our hearts are different.

But it’s just like the old posts on Instagram that I can’t get myself to just delete. Like Hudson never happened. Like he’s someone to be ashamed of. And throwing away the good memories feels like a slap in the face to our history. It has nothing to do with the future.

When the song ends, I’m ready to apologize. But Arthur takes my phone and looks up a cover of “Only Us” from Dear Evan Hansen, and he comes closer to me as he sings the words “So what if it’s us, what if it’s us, and only us.” This song is so beautiful. What it feels like to be wanted by someone who sees you for who you are. How the world—the business of Times Square—can feel like it’s falling away when you’re with the right person.

But maybe this isn’t how life works. Maybe it’s all about people coming into your life for a little while and you take what they give you and use it on your next friendship or relationship. And if you’re lucky, maybe some people pop back in after you thought they were gone for good.

Maybe I’m feeling masochistic. Or maybe I’ve unlocked the secret, and this is how people focus. All you have to do is have a cute boy rip your heart out, then let your best friends stomp all over it, and if it’s still beating even a little bit, finish the job yourself. Say the worst things and yell your voice raw and destroy everything you love until, lo and behold, the monotony of work is a relief.

I don’t know how to tell Hudson that I want to throw away a box of things that used to mean everything to me. But that fucking box. I can’t keep treating it like something that belongs in a museum’s exhibit specializing in one guy’s history of breaking hearts.

“Do not ask any what-if questions about you and Hudson dating again. That would probably end in literal heartbreak at the hands of someone pretty familiar with the law because of his summer internship but too reckless to care.”

It’s hard to be a fully functioning Arthur when your heart lives in four envelopes.

I can’t lose you forever. You can’t be someone I just knew for one summer. I have to know you every summer.

#what if it's us #Becky Albertalli #adam silvera #ya #young adult #summer romance #mlm #nyc #coming of age #friendship #books #book quotes #book blog #booklr #quotes #just some softbois falling in love during a summer in nyc #lots of hamilton references

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 29: The Wrath of Khan

Today’s movie watching was Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

My overall impression versus TMP is that this is clearly a smoother and more consistently entertaining film. It has a definite story with very little filler, good pacing, a lot of great little dialogue and character moments, and a strong conflict at its center.

But its sci fi bona fides are much weaker. Like by a lot.

Mom and I are talking a bit about Genesis and the more we talk, the weaker it appears to me. First, it’s not really as believable, imo, as a lot of Star Trek. Maybe it’s because it’s not alien based, but I just have a harder time suspending disbelief to think this is possible. Second, it’s not clear why anyone thought this was a good idea. I mean, as McCoy immediately pointed out, it just seems so CLEARLY dangerous: an object meant to foster creation that could so easily be the worst weapon the universe has ever known--nothing could go awry there! Third, the reason for creating such a device isn’t obvious at all. Carol mentions the “growing population” and “food scarcity” but nothing we’ve ever seen of the Federation implies they’re running out of space. Or, frankly (Tarsus IV aside), food. And fourth, there really isn’t any point to Genesis in all its particulars in this film. Like, obviously, its actual purpose is a plot device to resurrect Spock. Within just this film, it doesn’t do anything. Khan wants it, for some reason I’ve already forgotten even though I just saw the film, and he gets it, but I didn’t even notice that happening, because it was so unimportant. His REAL mission is his single minded revenge fantasy on Kirk. Genesis is just a McGuffin/space filler/plot device for the next film.

And honestly that’s not such a big deal, except that when you compare it to TMP, ,and its central idea of a human made probe that gained so much knowledge, doing what we taught it to do, that it became sentient and then started searching for the meaning of life, and how this relates to the search for meaning experienced by the main alien lead, and how his search, in that film and throughout the series, is a mirror for humans and OUR need for purpose... well it just seems really weak. “We made this really dangerous and unrealistic thing for no reason whoops!”

Mom is now criticizing Kirk for being too slow on the uptake when he first encounters the Reliant, which is fair. That’s pretty OOC of him. The idea that he’s too old for space is both one that I must personally disregard, and one that the film would have you discard, since we’ve already heard from TWO characters, the people who know him best, that his best destiny is as a starship captain, and command is his proper role. And that he might be a little rusty is also not a great explanation imo, because the rust was supposed to have come off in TMP. So, plot hole probably.

We were trying to do some math--TMP is at least 2 years post 5YM and TWOK is at least 10 years post TMP, so at least 8 years post TMP. I can understand more rust growing but like... he was already an Admiral in TMP and the idea that he was out of practice with actual command was a big part of his arc there. So it doesn’t seem warranted to do that again.

Also, the way he was commanding poorly in TMP was very IC: he was pushing too hard, trying too much, caring too much about the mission and not enough about...the laws of physics. That’s very Kirk. Being slow on the uptake, caught with his britches down--that’s not Kirk. Plus, with no one to call him out on it, like Decker did in TMP, his poor command doesn’t seem like a big character obstacle to overcome but just like...sloppiness all around.

I thought Khan was over all... just not that interesting. I guess I’m just not into the obsession/revenge plot. Also...idk man he didn’t seem that super to me. He outsmarted Kirk, like, once, and Kirk outsmarted him like 4 times. He tortured some people--but regular humans can do that. He used those sandworm thingies, which is also something humans could do. Overall, he didn’t seem to have any particularly special skills. The only time he really seemed like a worthy adversary for Kirk was when Kirk wasn’t really being IC himself.

I’m also not into the fridging of his wife. Think how much cooler it would have been if she’d still been alive! The only non-super human in the bunch and she’s still there! Ex-Starfleet and bitter!

The K/S in this film is very soothing. Imo they are clearly together here, and the whole film is better if you assume they’re boyfriends and everyone knows. That Vulcan convo that Spock and Saavik have? Waaaaay funnier if you think she’s talking about his boyfriend (”not what I expected....very human” “Well no one’s perfect”). Every time they call each other ‘friend’ like ““friend”“? All the Looks? The birthday gift?

Also the “I have been and always shall be your [friend]” scene is a wedding I will not be taking criticism on this opinion. Could it have been written more like a vow? I think not. It’s not quite This Simple Feeling but it’s the best this film has in that regard.

I liked Saavik and I do think she’s one of the better later-movie additions (though I only like her, as far as I can remember, when played by Kirstie Alley). She didn’t necessarily strike me as super alien, though, at least not at first... But I appreciated how persistent she was about the stupid test, and her regulation quoting. I enjoyed her. I also liked how she was obviously Spock’s protege, which makes her Kirk’s step-protege, and they had just a little bit of that awkward dynamic going on. (”Did you change your hair?”)

The Bones and Kirk relationship was great in this film. You can really feel their friendship and their history with each other. Bones knows him so well and can be honest with him, just when Kirk needs it most.

I also love how Kirk has the SAME conversation with both Bones and Spock (re: being a captain again) but with Spock it’s sooooo much flirtier. In case you weren’t sure what the difference in these two relationships is.

Bonus: this bit of dialogue: Spock: “Be careful, Jim.” / Bones: “WE will.” Lol Spock people who aren’t your boyfriend do exist.

Obviously, I cried during THAT scene. Honestly AOS should have taken note about how to do emotional scenes like that: they come after the main action is over and the villain is defeated. Then they hit at the right time and to the right degree. Kirk just slumping down after Spock dies....like he’s boneless...like he doesn’t know what to do... I CANNOT.

I feel so bad for him that I’ll even forgive him that awful eulogy. Spock died for Genesis? Uh, no, he died for the Enterprise, and for YOU. Spock is the “most human”? You shut your whoreson mouth

I remember hating both Carol and David but I actually hated them less this time, Carol especially. My mom is being really harsh about her, though, which makes me feel less confident in my assessment. I mean first off, she’s the inventor of Genesis, which is a pretty big strike against her. Second...pretty lame to keep Kirk from David. Although I did some vague math and Kirk would only have been about 21, still in the Academy, when David was born, so you can see how that would work out. Also, she distinctly says “Were we together?” which means they were not--this was a fuck buddy arrangement for sure. More complicated. But it still feels weird to retcon that, like, he’s known THIS WHOLE TIME that he’s a dad and we’re only learning about it now, as an audience.

Anyway I’m getting off track. Carol. What to make of her? Is she unstable? Is she still mad at Kirk? My mom points out that she just decided on her own that David would want to join Starfleet if he knew Kirk was his father--whereas what seems to have happened instead is he didn’t just become a civilian scientist like his mom but became her specific protege--working on a project where everyone was probably handpicked by her? I would assume? Also..he hates Starfleet. Not to put everything on the mom, but how did that happen?

Also...going down the rabbit hole of this and feeling awkward about it... but David KNEW Kirk. As “that guy you hung around with.” That means Kirk was in his life for quite a while, long enough for him to have memories, and long enough for those memories to still be with him even into his 20s. But he was never allowed to know who Kirk was. That means Carol’s rule must have been “You can see your son but you can’t tell him who you are” which in some way seems meaner to me than just “please don’t contact us again.” If he was already on his way into space, that could even make sense--”I know you’re not going to be able to be a family with us, so let’s not pretend, let’s make a clean break now.” But that wasn’t what happened!

Anyway whatever not to be HAICG!Kirk about this or anything lol

David is mostly annoying because he’s so anti-Kirk lol. I found him least annoying when he came around to Kirk at the end. Another big strike against him: he wore his sweater tied over his shoulders in such a Preppy manner. I honestly don’t see what about him is supposed to be reminiscent of Kirk.

David/Saavik was definitely happening lol. I wish I could have heard that conversation. It sounds like she told him a lot!!! Not sure why she attached herself to this particular annoying human so fast but I guess she did.

....I think that might be all. The uniforms and general styling were much better than TMP (though less funny/entertaining), and it was certainly an enjoyable overall yarn. A lot to pick apart and critique but in a fun way. Will probably watch The Search for Spock soon.

#the year 2020 #2020: star trek #2020: fandom thoughts #star trek tos

[indieks]

Two Nights, One Da(y)te 🌒 Lee Jooheon | ½

🔥 Pairing : Lee Jooheon x Reader

🔥 Genre : Soulmate!AU, Angst, Fluff, Suggestive (light)

🔥 Word count : 24k omg

🔥 Synopsis : He should have been just another Tinder match you would have swiped off your life just like you swiped your thumb on your screen that night, hadn’t it been for the deep connection that bonds you to him. He is your soulmate, you are a girl he can’t help but get attracted to. You are seeking for the perfect relationship, he is trying to stay away from love. Would the few times you come across each other be enough for your opposite hearts to face the same direction?

Part 1 /\ Part 1.5 /\ Part 2

🔥 A/N : Aaaand here is Part 1! Took a longer time to write than I thought, but I think I was especially hard on myself as some real-life events are involved, so it was difficult to be satisfied ! And what a good idea to have chosen my ultimate bias to make the task even harder…

I encountered a few problems while uploading this part yesterday (seems like it didn’t appear on my page nor in the hashtags), so here am I deleting and reuploading it... Hope you can read it without any difficulties!

I hope you’ll enjoy this, thank you so much in advance and I love every single one of you who brings me joy just by ever reading it! Every comment, good or bad, is always welcomed, I love your feedback! ♥

            “Your fate is in your hands”, they say.

A common, popular phrase that had turned into some kind of trendy expression slipping through countless of mouths all around the world, and meant to be a blessing when it was pronounced along with that dreamy smile only them could have. But to your ears, it sounded like a curse every time someone would dare to throw it at you, tarnishing the river of care and kindness their enamored selves wished to bid you goodbye with.

They said you could feel a burning sensation in the palm of your left hand, as if lava had taken the place of your blood, the moment you came across him or her for the first time, your fleshes having accidentally brushed each other, or your eyes having met even in the middle of a packed crowd.

They talked about how they had been consumed in some kind of bliss for a split-second, feeling shivers covering their bodies as a hot wave had crashed over them, the fire within their hand eating them at once ; feeling numb but so alive at the same time ; feeling butterflies flap their wings inside the pit of their stomachs while their hearts had skipped a long beat ; feeling desired and desiring with a hunger they weren’t able to put into words.

They insisted that it definitely felt different from having a crush on someone or falling in love purely and simply, or from trying something with someone that was only “compatible” with you. Because they affirmed that in the end, if you both would get along together and share happy moments, he or she would never be the one, the ideal, the best for you.

Some called them the “Crossed-Liners”, while others summed it in the simpler yet inexact term “Soulmates”. According to some rule from above, every single being on this Earth had an ideal type they would perfectly match with, a destined partner that suited you in every single way. Depending on parameters that were still left unexplained, there was then one boy or girl who was meant for you and you only, to fit everything that was lacking in your life, a peculiar human breathing the same air, treading the same ground as you, hiding somewhere.

However, that crossed-line thing had seemingly decided to impact one’s love life to its fullest, as not only it picked a precise somebody for you and determined that your fate would be linked to him or her ; it also gauged your chances of finding happiness with somebody else than your “ideal”, if you ever chose to believe in your own personal feelings instead of what was outstripping you.

The sign was simple yet mystifying, because its meaning was so powerful that it always made people weak in the knees every time it appeared. When you happened to encounter the ideal one, your life-line in the palm of your hand would lighten up in a bright red color ; but when you only came across someone that could fit you in some way but not all the criteria for him or her to bring the overjoy and transporting sensations your soulmate would, your heart-line was the one to sparkle this time.

In other words : the prophecy was definitely telling you that choosing your soulmate was the best choice you could ever make, as your whole life was linked to him ; however, if you ever turned to a compatible person, it was due to a choice of your heart, yes, but probably not the best for your destiny that could always be brighter.

Thus, as every soulmate was defined by an individual’s characteristics, people weren’t necessarily their ideal’s own one and only, even if they were at least compatible with them. This law’s double faucet was then revealing of one’s true nature : either they would sacrifice their quest of finding the one for them because they were the one for someone else and felt something special for them anyway ; either he or she would leave to seek their own perfect happiness, a selfishness that could be as understandable as disgusting.

You couldn’t quite depict if you were supposed to see the prophecy as some kind of super-dating-agency, helping the desperate people who weren’t as lucky as the fate-linked couples who had found each other, by still letting them know that a few guys or girls out there would be good enough for them even if they weren’t the right partner ; or, if you had to admit that those lost lovers were probably getting laughed at by the alternative, as if they were trying to write their own fate and pursue their genuine feelings, they couldn’t help but get reminded that they would never know the ecstatic moments the lucky ones would have, by having a greater probability of breaking up, by watching television going crazy about it, by hearing the soulmate’s stories that somehow dimmed the magic of their own which were simpler, but still special to them.

You were one of those “not caring” individuals ; well, most exactly, wounded and tired of individuals. The reason was that, since a while ago, you definitely felt like you had been cursed by the laws of nature, as if they had complotted against you and struck you with a thunderbolt of misfortune on the day you were born.

In that calculated world every being was growing, looked over by a favoring sky and with flowers spreading under their feet as they walked towards their bright future, hand in hand with their significant other, your little part of universe had always managed to seem gloomy and slippery, at least every time you stepped into a relationship.

You had hooked up with a few guys without ever getting to see your life-line shine and burn you with pleasure and pain, only your heart-line shimmering weakly, telling you your future with this one or that one would probably be great, yet not more astonishing than any other. Still, you had chosen not to care, and to love to the fullest, trusting the power of feelings more than any supernatural force up there.

Nevertheless, you got caught up by your sincerity and your devotion, as all your exes trampled over your bloody organ, would it be because you had just been the temporary consolation they had been needing before throwing themselves into the quest once again, or because they couldn’t reflect the intensity of your feelings, using the excuse that the compatibility was not enough to cut through the life course, which had then whispered to them to part ways at some point.

All those small adventures and heartbreaks had pushed your lonely steps down the path of the “not-caring-anymore” girl, your attention centered on your personal development and the everyday pleasures of life ; yet deep down you knew, that you still were strongly – or desperately – waiting for your ideal to show up, as deception after deception, you were starting to lose your faith in love, and were getting worn out.

But as you were finding your way back home after a night-out with your colleagues, your lips were finally wearing that famous dreamy smile ; because you just had been proven that everything’s worth the wait.

Maybe your fate is in your hands, Y/N.

              * * *

        It was another one of those evenings where you had all been supposed to just drink a little something at some nice little bar in hopes to soothe your tiring day at work, but after one glass had come another, then numerous ones. And as usual, when your cheeks started to burn like some pinkish and crackling ember, you came to the fantastic decision to stumble down the streets together instead of going home, again. Finally, after a few minutes of wandering without any specific direction guiding your cloudy minds, you “accidentally” ended up queuing for then dancing in a random club – again.

This scheme had almost become a bad habit, even if the next day you kept telling yourselves, as you all met to empty the coffee machine so that its black and energizing liquid would help scatter your hangover and your sleepiness, that there would be no next time. 

However, as any profession must involve in its own way and degree, you often felt stressed from the moment you landed your feet in the company, your brains already fuming as you had to keep on finding exciting and original ideas to satisfy your boss and clients ; and somehow, at some point, cocktails and loud music had become the finger-snap to lighten the weight on your shoulders.

The company you were working for was one of the best events’ organizer in the city, solicited every single month to settle private parties, workshops, festivals, exhibitions, new products’ launchings for famous brands, and other big events that needed imaginative activities as well as fancy places to be remembered.

And you, were one of the creatives of the team. Majoring in special event management and communication, you always had had an artistic feeling springing inside of you and that helped you developing settings in your mind that were later praised in real life as you let them out. This 6-month long internship you had signed for was then the very last step before you could say goodbye to your student life, and finally live of your passion.

You were only at the half of it, but the unceasing flow of ideas you were pouring at every meeting after having worked on them even at nighttime once you were back home, had seized the attention and gained the trust of your Project Manager, who had then decided to hand you the full creation of the next event your team would be asked for.

And this very demand had arrived sooner than you had expected, as in late October, you received the great honor to be the event organizer for the National Federation of Football. They requested you to prepare a fancy and chic venue for the players from the most famous men’s clubs around the country that were going to come, in order to celebrate together the new sponsorships they would be the representatives of, was it sneakers, new teams’ shirt’s designs, or new products for their hair so that they would be at their most handsome selves on the field.

Some top brands’ directors or representatives were also going to show up, and you immediately had imagined all the paparazzi, tailored suits and resplendent dresses that you were going to watch parade under your two eyes, while you would be busy checking if everyone was eating and drinking well but also enjoying the few activities you would have prepared.

And surprisingly, despite the consequent amount of pressure and stress that had loaded on your shoulders the second your manager had passed you the direction of this huge project, you had been able to picture every single thing the gala would be composed of, from the arrangement of the buffet, to the photo corner, to the musicians, to the decorations, and thankfully, all your teammates had followed your ideas and instructions unflinchingly, nearly being the most enthusiastic you had known them.

That’s why you had been out drinking with your internship peers and closest managers at first, to celebrate the very last preparations and fixings of the remaining details you had finished during the day, the event actually taking place in less than 24 hours from now.

“I really do think that barman’s been looking at you all night long” one of your friends, Jiwoo, insisted as you walked out of the club, your hurting heels clinking against the pavement.

“Nooooo, he wasn’t” you denied with your eyes leaving your phone’s screen to roll up and a sigh flying over your voice.

“What do you mean “he wasn’t”?! You told me your hand was shining! He’s your ideal, you fool!”

The word gave you the chills as the curve of your lips curled up into a smile, but you quickly ushered her to be quiet. Your eyes did meet, your left hand did burn, but your mind refused to admit it as it was too good to be true.

“I’m sure he would have been happy to celebrate with you tonight, moaning CONGRATS BEAUTYYYY!” she still growled, and you nudged her this time with a chuckle. “You know that having sex with your ideal goes beyond ecstasy, like seeing stars behind your eyelids is nothing compared to that?”

“CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FIRST EVENT Y/NNNN!” a male colleague shouted at the back as he had overheard a few words of your discussion, thankfully not the grosser ones that made you clench your hand over your friend’s mouth who was now laughing.

You were exhausted, your legs almost giving up on you, yet that was hinting at the great night you had just spent with them. But mostly, you knew that your whole body felt like jelly because you had finally been struck with that intense and crippling sensation people had been gossiping about.

          A few moments before.

 You were sitting at the table your colleagues had paid for, dividing the price between them as they excluded you – their reward for your hard work. Your eyes were scanning the crowd of sweating bodies, most of the girls wearing the fanciest outfits you had seen in your life, and boys trying to follow the rhythm with their heads, their hands busy holding their cups or grasped around each other’s shoulders – or their prey’s ones.

And suddenly, like a brilliant but lost star in the middle of that deep and somber galaxy the club impersonated as its darkness absorbed the dancing forms around you, he shined, his light piercing its way through your field of view, making you see him and him only. He was standing behind the bar facing you on the right, his brows furrowed as he worked on some cocktail someone had just asked him by screaming over the loud music. Your eyes had accidentally met for a split-second, but it had been enough to cast the spell on you.

Instinctively, you stood up to have a better sight of his traits, and without permission being asked, your feet transported you through the mass on the dancefloor, and closer to him. It was as if you were being dragged towards his silhouette by some uncontrollable force, totally hypnotized, your body as light and swift as a feather slipping between people without any difficulty, and the more you were approaching the bar, the less you could hear anything else but his nosy voice that repeatedly asked : “What do you drink?”

Your heartbeat missed that famous long beat, while you hissed instead of breathing in normally. You probably looked like some kind of drunk girl with her mind having been sucked up into some kind of black hole, as you stood there, only a few meters away from him, eyes wide open and tinted lips a little bit agape. Was it true? Was this really happening to you?

You lowered your head so that you could finally look for it, the very sign that could confirm you he indeed was doing something to you that depended on the law above you, or instead would tell you by its eventual non-existence that you were just way too drunk by now and that you were only crushing really really bad over some random guy.

No, it couldn’t be, you definitely felt different, but not the alcoholic-type of different ; you were attracted to him to the point you were already craving for his plump lips on yours, to the point you felt tears of joy breaming at the crease of your eyelids out of nowhere, to the point you were desperate to catch his attention just for a split second, this despair then gluing your two feet into your spot.

Your pupils fell down on your fist that had clenched under the tension your body was being put through, and you could already see the reddish tint your fingers were lightened by as beneath them, was indeed hiding your shining life-line you uncovered with a smile while you got submerged by a wave of delight. That barman, right over there, was the one for you. Where had he been all this time? Why was he showing up just now? How could he be so close when you had looked for him for so long? Were all those nights you had spent crying over your loneliness and the ache of your heart going to come to an end?

You couldn’t believe it, yet your body was already responding to your relief and excitement. The palm of your left hand had started to burn intensely the second your eyes landed on the mark, and you were fanning your face with the right one, as it felt like you were going under a high fever. Your eyelids that had been heavy from all the glasses you had clinked and drank with your friends before, suddenly became lighter and never ceased to humidify your sparkling eyes as you blinked again and again to ensure you hadn’t fallen into dreamland. After a short while and an internal ment you did to yourself to remain sane, you finally leveled your pupils up to land them back on the very cause of your world’s upheaval.

You could see him clearly this time, your vision narrowed down at him. It was as if his active figure was detoured by a blurry yet powerful aura that encompassed only the two of you, drawing an invisible breach in this world from you to him. You amazingly could remark all the details you would never have in your daily life, had he been some random guy you would’ve seen at one of the cafés you liked – but he wasn’t.

His hair was dyed into a deep orange color, close to red, the locks separated messily on either side of his forehead and that your fingers were craving to fumble themselves into, so they’d feel their softness. He had small but sharp eyes that first shot piercing gazes towards the clients, before they would lighten up then almost disappear as he granted them a smile once he’d have heard their command. His nose had a perfect line, angle and proportions, as if it had been drawn with a ruler, in the middle of his slightly chubby face that still showcased a keen jawline.

Finally, his lips… You couldn’t prevent yourself from watching them the most, as they were quite filled, with a heart shape and a rosy tint the spot enlightening his head helped you to die before. When he smiled, you were thrilled to discover his white and aligned dentition ; then, the wideness his lips reached crumpled your weakened heart as it gave him an adorable yet seducing expression you probably would have fallen for even if he hadn’t been your ideal one.

You could only see his body up to his bust from behind the counter, covered by a short-sleeved deep green and white striped shirt which buttons were opened enough for you to spot his collarbones from time to time, when he grabbed glasses or bottles to concoct another delicious potion.

Every move he made was like slow-mowed, for you to see each ripple of it, each muscle he solicited, each expression that dwelled his traits. It was as if you could see through anything that could obstruct your sight of him who still shined brightly in the middle of spotlights and people. You were spellbound by this man and you were perfectly aware of it, yet there was no wish for freedom that knocked against your head walls : just the one to catch his eye, even if something inside you feared that it would probably consume you.

He was indeed your ideal type if you had been asked to describe the perfect looks for a man, his body not too thin yet not too thick with muscles, with his forearms’ veins popping out as he was holding the shaker into his large hands that had long and ringed fingers, and not to mention his facial features that gave you the chills just by looking at them.

“What are you doing, planted here Y/N? I’ve been looking for you” Jiwoo asked you suddenly and got you out of your trance as you jumped in scare.

Then, without letting you the time to explain yourself – as if you could brace yourself to come up with an explanation when you were completely knocked out… – the blonde girl’s hands grasped your left one that was still up in the air for you to contemplate it.

“Why were you looking at that? Oh my- Don’t tell me?! The look on your face says it all! You can see the mark, right?! Tell me that you’re seeing it!”

You were too flustered to answer with words, but you automatically nodded while looking back at her with cloudy eyes ; and even her high-pitched shouts didn’t shake you out of your trance.

“OH MY GOSH Y/N! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH YOUR SOULMATE IS HERE! WHERE IS HE?! THAT’S INCREDIBLE! WHERE IS HEEEE?!” she kept on exclaiming as she swung your arm from the left to the right, and the smile she was wearing brought yours out along with a speeding beating of your heart.

You felt close enough to Jiwoo after all these months to tell her, but before you did, you made her promise not to spread the news to the others, as you wished to keep your love life quiet and personal until it would be stable enough for you to answer a few of their questions without feeling embarrassed ; they were still colleagues from work before friends.

“It’s… That kinda pumpkin-haired guy over there? The barman, you see?” you finally managed to mumble.

Jiwoo’s eyelids creased as she searched for the target meticulously, then abruptly, her mouth fell open as her grip on your hand tightened.

“Jesus fucking Christ, he is GORGEOUS! You lucky girl” she whined as soon as she spotted him talking to his co-worker with a serious face on.

Then, unexpectedly, she pulled you into a tight hug and jumped on the spot with you still in her warm embrace, and you held her back even if you were out of it.

“Then my question remains the same : what the hell are you doing standing here?!”

Out of nowhere, your insecurities about love and yourself replaced the warmth Jiwoo had welcomed you in and you stepped back, nibbling at your lower lip nervously.

“I can’t… I don’t even know if I’m his ideal too… I mean he hasn’t even spotted me yet, I don’t think-“

“Well, go find out, c’mon! And even if he’s not, he’s at least compatible and I’m sure he’ll like you! Go or I’m telling the group!” she dared to defy you, and you scoffed at her blackmail before she pushed your reluctant body towards the bar ; and once you were close enough to her liking, she disappeared as quickly as she had popped out next to you.

Only a few steps were separating you from him – well technically also a counter–, and you felt like your soul might escape your shuddering corpse as you finally found the courage to walk to him, going past the thirsty people shouting their orders. You managed to post yourself on his right, your elbows finding their place among the empty glasses displayed on the bar. Quickly though, as you winced at the pain that had multiplied now that you were the closer you could be to him for now, you hid your left hand on your lap as you feared that you could scare him if he ever came to know who he was for you, if you weren’t the same for him.

The man had his back facing you, yet when he turned around and finally landed his beautiful eyes on your silhouette, he took your breath away for the umpteenth time in less than ten minutes since you had found him. Your life-line suddenly started to itch, and the pain turned into a pleasuring sensation you hadn’t felt before, one that raised all the hair up your left arm. And finally, you heard his famous phrase but this time directed at you, as well as his attention, the situation enclosing you into a state of shock and ecstasy :

“What do you drink, miss?”

However, some strings pulled at your overworked heart as you dared to bore your eyes into his, to see he was far from flustered as he was searching your face, waiting for your answer.

I’m not the one.

Or else his expression would have changed, or else he would have been as appalled as me, or else he would look at me with lust, as everybody said.

That man was your destined lover, but you were just a compatible woman to him, and you swallowed back a sarcastic chuckle as you realized that your curse would definitely never leave you ; because even when you were facing someone that had been made especially for you, someone you could love and give to without holding back, it wasn’t that simple.

Don’t get defeated, Y/N. He is at least compatible. Jiwoo is right, he might like you, you tried to cheer yourself up, and you could thank the alcohol for quickly fading your rational worries. You straightened your back before darting your best smile at him.

“Surprise me”, you blurted out in a calm tone.

Oh wow. Where did that confidence come from? Was it due to the bond you had with him, giving you wings?

You were glad to be rewarded for your boldness as his brows perked up in surprise quickly, before it was his turn to break into a confident smirk.

“You don’t have to say it twice.”

Hadn’t it been for the uncontrolled and overpowering need to get to him that perfected your actions and reactions, you would have let out an inappropriate mewl hearing those sturdy words come out of his mouth and at the sight of his dimples you hadn’t spotted earlier. Still, you only placed your chin in the palm of your right hand, watching him get on with his job. Your battling lashes guided your vision towards his face so close to yours, his skin bright and without any imperfection, his hair falling before his squinted eyes, his lower lip he had trapped between his teeth as he pondered over his options. He was shining.

“Okay, let’s go with this one.”

He turned his back on you once again, and as he was about to grab a syrup bottle from the shelf, he halted his movements as some shimmering light attracted his pupils, coming from his own left hand. He then looked back at your standing figure over his shoulder and almost let out a gasp as he saw that you had been observing him all the while. He then decided to act as if nothing had happened, despite his heart-line having turned into a bright red color and creating sweat into his palm.

He hadn’t even noticed it before, still the first thought that had come to his mind the moment his stare had ghosted over your lovely traits, had been that you were the prettiest girl he had seen tonight, if not since quite a while. And then, he had thought you looked familiar, without being able to point out where he could have seen you, but once you had spoken up, he had been absorbed by your mischievous eyes and let go of his memory track.

Anyway, were you aware of that little link that bonded the two of you, too? Did that apparition behind the counter rhymed with you making a move on him?

He suddenly felt glad that a dazzling girl like you was at least compatible with him, boosting his confidence as he mixed some fluids together with swift and diligent moves, and in no time, he was back to you to finish his cocktail with one of the bottles arranged right on the spot under your arm.

“There you go, that makes 7,500 won” he breathed out with a smile before gazing at you expectantly as you brought the glass to your red-tinted lips, doing your best not to show how flustered you were to be trapped under his stare.

The flavor was a bit sour, but the strength of fruits balanced it well, and it made you hum in satisfaction as you settled the recipient back on the counter.

“Mission accomplished, thank you” you laughed lightly while placing the exact amount of money on the counter, and he quickly grabbed it.

“My pleasure.” he answered in a low tone that struck you to the core, the sudden deepness of his voice echoing against your eardrums and sending vibrations down to the pit of your stomach.

Everything he said or did stimulated all your senses to an extent that was beyond imagination, as if your sight, your scent, your hearing and even the taste of the cocktail were impregnated with a bit of him, so that you couldn’t get enough of his presence, of his eyes and attention on you, of his smile. Time was going by slowly, but it still felt too fast for your liking as you wished this moment would never come to an end, as you searched for something to throw as bait at him, to keep in touch, to ensure a next encounter.

Unexpectedly, he bit his lip another time while eyeing you up and down, and you could swear you felt like your heart had jumped up to your throat, ready to surrender itself to him whose two eyes kept you frozen into your spot, unable to return back to your friends, to your life as a project director, to your life without him in front of you. It seemed like he had been about to say something because his mouth opened slightly, a single syllable falling into the depths of the unknown as he got interrupted.

“I-”

“Excuse me! Please! Over here!”

“Oh yeah yeah!” the man answered, his eyes not leaving yours, before he nodded his head in acknowledgement while mouthing a goodbye to you, and turned to the person next to you, well more exactly, the group that was waiting for him.

What was that…?

You had to leave, because you had no excuse to stay any longer. The overexcitement was slowly slipping out of your body as he had already moved on from you, his smile now destined for other girls, while you could have stared and smiled at him all night long, behind this counter, without thinking nor blinking.

However, you needed to step down from your fantasy as soon as you could because, remember, you were just another girl he could date, not more. Maybe tomorrow he would have forgotten about you, while you would still be dreaming of him and the infinity of emotions he just had put you through. Or worse, maybe he already had found his own ideal, maybe he wasn’t single, maybe…

You didn’t know anything, his name, his whereabouts, his likings ; you ignored everything about him, but it felt like you had been crushing on him for months, as if you were about to fall deeply in love with him. So that’s what they were talking about.

You eyed him one last time before grabbing your glass, a melancholic smile disguising your lips as you accepted your curse and let your defeated state take the best of you, simply thanking the law for giving you the chance to feel what they felt, even if it had been for a short time. And that’s how you missed the interested look he addressed you as you turned your back on him, not giving him a chance to take his “goodbye” back, especially by telling you this exact phrase he had been about to : “I’m Jooheon, by the way.”

Because damn, you interested him. Where had he seen you?

 End of flashback.

          You had hoped he had been looking at you after that ; now, you knew he had, with Jiwoo confirming it to you, with your colleagues having chanted it to you during the rest of the night, with the red light in your hand having scorched your skin from time to time as you had been dancing languorously, leading you to the conclusion that you might have grasped his attention in the end. But every time the liquor thickening your blood vessels had given you confidence to shoot him some glances over the crowd, your pupils had never met, setting trouble into your guesses.

Nevertheless, before you could decide to find the guts to go back to him and confront him in any manner possible – even though you would have looked like a fool – your friends had wanted to leave, tiredness and drunkenness calling them out. And here you were, walking to the nearest night-bus stop with Jiwoo and the rest of your team, a small smile still disguising your lips as images of him were rattling into your head.

Maybe your fate is in your hands, Y/N. Maybe he was interested in you too.

And as if this expression had finally turned into a blessing to counter the curse you thought had been towering you all these years, your hand – well more exactly thumb – indeed opened another door towards your fate that night.

                * * *

         Swipe left. Swipe left. Nope. Nope. No… Like?

You were having a hard time sleeping, the mesmerizing face of your unknown “soulmate” preventing you from finding peace as you felt on fire just at the thought of him, so you were trying to distract yourself from him by making your usual visit on Tinder, swiping all the guys to the left, just having fun looking at their pictures and ridiculous descriptions. Until your thumb came to a halt before the umpteenth profile you faced, making you sit straight in your bed despite your head that was turning as your brain was half-soaked with alcohol, and you dropped the device on your sheets.

Jooheon. His name was Jooheon.

Just under your two eyes, laid a picture showcasing him with white locks maintained by a headband, his side profile with a solemn expression giving you as much butterflies as his front figure had earlier, and you muffled a cry of happiness under your fingers. The second and only other picture was probably a more recent one, of him with his hair in a lighter orange color and his face lightened by the big smile you had seen him grant earlier. How come hazard could be so good to you in just a night?

Without any hesitation, you quickly “liked” his profile which description said : “Here to talk and pass the time, I guess I’m bored”. And you surprisingly saw the usual display appear instantly on your crackled phone’s screen, the three words feeling almost as precious as the famous three-word-eight-letters you wished to hear again sometime : “It’s a match!”

“This can’t be…” you whispered to yourself as you crashed your back down against your mattress, before kicking your blankets out of excitement.

It felt as if the planets were perfectly aligned, as if that evening could make-up for all those past years of losing faith in love, as if the curse was finally broken. You knew you shouldn’t let yourself get eaten by too much hope as you were pretty sure you weren’t his soulmate, meaning he wasn’t wanting you as much as you wanted him as of now, meaning you might not be on the receiving end this time as well, but still, some kind of euphoria sparkled in you, something you couldn’t canalize.

Jooheon [03:46 a.m.] : I knew I had seen you somewhere. It was here

Time stopped again. He had seen you on the application before your first encounter earlier?!

You [03:46 a.m.] : Seriously? Wow, what a weird coincidence

Jooheon [03:46 a.m.] : I know right

Jooheon [03:46 a.m.] : So, tell me something funny about you, I had a pretty long day

You [03:47 a.m.] : I can imagine that haha. Well… My manager tried to hit on me tonight and I wanted to die out of embarrassment, Idk how I’m going to face him tomorrow honestly

Jooheon [03:47 a.m.] : I saw that. Quite drunk that guy. Something else?

His direct and brief way of talking was taking you aback as much as it made your toes curl out of anticipation. You definitely couldn’t believe you were actually talking to your soulmate on the same night you had found him. Was it the magic of the rule operating?

You [03:48 a.m.] : So you really were looking at me, my friends kept on making fun of me because of that

Where was that boldness coming from again?!

Jooheon [03:48 a.m.] : That means they were looking at me too, don’t you think? Who’s interested in who in the end

“Interested”…? Every single word he employed kept you on your toes, your breathing becoming uneasy every little time you had to wait for his answer.

You [03:48 a.m.] : You have a point. Why don’t you tell me something about you? I’m having a hard time thinking of what to say that would be interesting.

In other words : you were too flustered and there had been too many cocktails for you to be thinking straight right now. You suddenly felt the urge to get up and walk to release the electric shocks that tickled your body. You then opted for sitting beside your bedroom’s window you opened to feel the cool air of an autumn night, as the heat under your cheeks was giving you that sensation of a fever all over again. Was it the alcohol, or was it him, even from far away?

Jooheon [03:49 a.m.] : I love dumplings. I’d choose dumplings over everything else. Dumplings are my reason to live honestly. I’m actually eating some right now.

Jooheon [03:49 a.m.] : And

Jooheon [03:51 a.m.] : I prefer nighttime over daytime. I love how everything seems to have another image, more mystic, more intriguing, more magical with the streetlights on. I can’t live without music. I never go out without my earplugs. If I do, I just go back to pick them up, even if that means being late at work. I write some rap lyrics when I need to let my thoughts out. So yeah my favorite type of music is rap, but I love ballads too. I read manga, sometimes even their previews not yet translated. Idk yet if I prefer countryside or Seoul. I’m interested in fashion, but sometimes I feel like my wardrobe sucks because I change styles often. I like to talk as much as I like to listen, and I hate it when people don’t listen to each other. I tend to understand people quite easily. Except when they get drunk like shit. I think too much, and pretty much all the time. I love football even if it hates me. I fucking love beer. I’ve only worn one fragrance in my life, and I’ll never change, I guess. I don’t have tons of friends, just six “brothers”. I’d like to travel and go far away, soon. Maybe Australia, I don’t know. I get pissed quite easily. I’m too nice. I think my favorite skinship is kisses. I love to sleep, but I have a hard time falling asleep most of the time.

Jooheon [03:51 a.m.] : that didn’t make sense, sorry, just got everything out of my head. Was supposed to stop at dumplings, but this conversation turned into my rap memo tonight haha

You read, reread, and read again those numerous lines that decorated your phone’s screen, your lips smiling on their own as you felt thrilled to be receiving that much information, all those details that were about his daily life just as you had wished to ask for. All those facts that seemed to be evident about him now that you possessed them, as if you had known him for years. All those little things that planted another set of needles poisoned with some attraction for him in your heart.

You [03:54] : I would’ve never found that many fun things to say about me

Jooheon [03:54] : that’s easy though, just answer “me too” or “not me” back to everything I said as a starter

You [03:55] : but rn honestly I’d rather ask “why” for each one of them

Jooheon [03:55] : that would be TMI. C’mon, maybe we have some things in common, and I asked for it first so let’s be fair

He was keeping the conversation on, something you could’ve never asked for. And that’s how you told him a bit about you, your character, fun stories about your job, your favorite food, your last travel destination, the things you liked and disliked about people ; random but somehow intimate facts he surprisingly shared or acknowledged most of the time.

It was too late to go back to your “not-caring-anymore” resolution, you were trapped into the soulmate machine that had eaten all of you, that had manufactured you so that you’d be just as the law wished you to : fond of your ideal one.

                 * * *

         He hated waking up above everything else in life. Because every time his mind slowly reconnected with reality and acknowledged the start of another day, he immediately felt crushed by that hole in his chest, before he even opened his eyes or moved. That familiar yet still depressing emptiness, that melancholic sensation which had tarnished his heart, infiltrated the blood in his veins and lodged under the cells of his skin ; that had dug its way towards the entirety of his body.

Every single morning since their break up, Jooheon was reminded of how lifeless she had left him, how wounded he had been because of another human being, how shitty he had to feel about himself for having let his own life be engulfed by gloominess day after day ; but he couldn’t bring himself out of it.

At first, it had been as if he had dragged his body here and there, keeping on with life soullessly, as a witness of the time and moments that passed by before his two eyes, without him sincerely enjoying anything. Still, his six childhood friends, whom he called his brothers as their bond was the strongest the only child he was could have asked for, had repeatedly tried to brighten his sky and shake him out of his sadness.

They kept on telling him that love was all about opportunities : relationships would come and go, until you’d settle with someone simply sharing the same feelings as you, not someone who supposedly fitted your idealistic vision of love. There was nothing that could beat the sincerity of the heart, they said. She might have filled all the criteria he looked for in a woman, she might have brought him a happiness way more intense than the regular one, but another girl who’ll truly love and cherish him would bring him her lot of dazzling sensations, they ensured.

“True love equals soulmates” Kihyun had told him, and it had been the most compelling sermon Jooheon had heard, as it had lingered in his mind for quite a while.

“If she left, it means she wasn’t truly made for you because she wasn’t able to love you and appreciate you, not because you don’t deserve to be loved. The rule might have showed you the girl of your dreams, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that this dream needs to be your reality Jooheon-ah” Hoseok had lectured him a few weeks after the painful separation, when the reddish-haired man had been consoling himself into many bottles of beer.

They argued that love was all about its duality, mixing happiness and sorrow ; joyful moments and heartbreaks ; one individual and another but with two different conceptions of the word “relationship” and “love” they had to mingle together in order to find their own definition, implying an everyday work and fight ; two mass of cells that couldn’t just rely on the fact that they somehow statistically and scientifically could fit.

They took the heart-line variable as an example, or even his own case of one-way soulmate, and if Jooheon had listened to them, if he had started to believe in their words, if deep down he knew they were the ones of truth, there was always that time of the day, as it was dark outside and he was alone in his room with nothing else but his thoughts to keep him company, when he ended up taking a thousand of steps backwards, right where she had left him – hopeless.

However, at one point, a part of him had come to find satisfaction in his blues, and he had learned to smile truthfully again. Indeed, he had come to the simple resolution of not taking the risk to get himself hurt, by never involving his feelings ever again when it came to girls ; and then, by locking himself up in his fear, he had sought comfort in smiling at the smallest things in life as they mostly didn’t deal with love, and he had finally felt human, again.

Well, his insomnia and the painful awakening were always there to remind him that his laid-back attitude was only a mask ; but that daily rollercoaster had turned into a bearable one, thanks to his detached spirit he was hiding himself behind every day.

But this morning had been more aching than usual, as he had dreamt of her. Of her big bright eyes searching his, of her resplendent smile shining upon him, of her gracious hands that hadn’t touched him in his imaginary world. She had been out of his reach, just for him to contemplate. It had been seven long months since they had parted ways, so Jooheon wasn’t sure if those dreams of her meant that he still had feelings for her, or just that he was supposed to be impregnated of her for the rest of his life thanks to that fucking rule.

He had first met her one year and a half ago, through a friend-of-friend’s birthday party he had been invited to and so had her, coincidentally. And just like you, he had tumbled into some kind of ecstasy the second his eyes had dropped on her, at the back of the living room, laughing and talking with two other girls. He knew no one except the host and the friend who had brought him along with him not to feel lonely, so he had had to stay with him, when he had craved to walk to her.

Finally, he had found the time breach to slip away and the courage the go to her as she had been sipping on her soft drink alone, and, just like you, his words and actions had come naturally and easily. They had engaged a long and cheerful conversation, becoming slightly touchy with each other, making Jooheon’s flesh consume in desire every time she had landed her small fingers on his body.

“It’s amazing, it seems like you have the answer to all my questions!” she had brightly exclaimed as they had reached the opened windows, facing the sky of Seoul in its dark blue color.

Jooheon had then simply showed her the red life-line scorching his palm, making her face’s expression switch to shock, then to something warm as she revealed her shining heart-line with a shy smile.

“So that was why…” she had breathed out as chills had covered her spine.

“Yeah, I’m even startled myself at how my mind clicks with yours, this is… Amazing.” The boy had nodded, his fingers linked together and dangling over the barrier preventing them from falling.

“I like it, too” she had admitted.

And that was how it had all begun. A sweet encounter had turned into a blooming relationship where Jooheon had been totally into his partner, the special connection drawing him deeper and deeper into the intense feelings he had sincerely developed for her at first sight. And she had fallen for him, too. Every single worry, every single question, every single need she had, he could and would fill them up as if he read her like a book. He had cherished her to the fullest, and she had felt thankful.

But at some point, she also had felt burdened, because she had started to feel like she didn’t pay him back as much as she should. In her eyes, it had seemed like he loved her more than she did, as the more time passed by, the less she had managed to feel invested in what she did for him because he’d always move mountains and skies for her, and the less she would get him, his wants, his needs the way he got her. In the end, she had started to feel bad and uneasy for being on the receiving end.

And as if fate had planned it all, she had happened to come across her own soulmate – a new recruit at her work place. And that was when she had known and understood, the reason why Jooheon and her had grown apart : sadly, but simply, her feelings for him had started to fade away and hadn’t been enough for her to hold onto anymore. Meanwhile that male colleague, who was just compatible to her like she was just compatible to her actual boyfriend, had fallen for her, showcasing his feelings with his own attentions that had stolen her heart, little by little.

Even if she had tried to resist at first, the spell hadn’t helped her ; yet, it was her true feelings that had taken the best of her, as she had felt like breathing again with this man who managed to build a deep connection between them even without being struck by the famous indescribable force. Selfishly too, she had craved to know what it felt like to be with her soulmate, wishing to give someone what Jooheon had been giving her untiringly all this time, even if she had simply forgotten that she did use to cherish him as well, in her own way, back when she still loved him.

And all of that happened unbeknownst to Jooheon who, even if he had started to spot the distance she had been digging between them, had refused to acknowledge it and had chosen to trust her and the idyllic love he had been in for almost a year.

“I found my soulmate” she had finally blurted out one day, while they had been having dinner at Jooheon’s place, after he had asked her for the umpteenth time in the month what was wrong with her lately, his hand on hers.

Jooheon remembered every single word they had shared that night, the argument still as clear as water in his mind, as he had been tortured with her voice echoing again and again in his eardrums for weeks after.

“What?”

“I’m sorry…” she had whispered, her throat constricted by the pain while tears had flowed down her face rising up to look at him in the two eyes.

She had been able to depict the heartbreak she was putting him through just by how his traits fell into despair, panic and incomprehension, his grasp on her hand suddenly tightening.

“No babe, it’s okay… Why are you sorry, hm? Why?”

“Because I’m in love with him, Jooheon-ah.”

“Wait, what? I-I don’t understand”

“I’m sorry” she had repeated in a low voice.

“How come you- No you can’t, I mean we’re… We’re good, right? We were good! How come you fell for him like that? What did I do, hm? Tell me? You know I love you, I would do anything so tell me, if I ever did something wrong-”

“You did nothing wrong, Jooheon-ah! You did everything perfectly, to the point I felt like shit because it was like I could never give you back everything you gave to me! It was so hard to always be the one in this relationship feeling a step behind, you know that?” she finally confessed, her hand leaving his hold to fumble into her hair in frustration.

“What’s this nonsense! You’re perfect to me just as you are! I never asked for anything from you! You know it’s true, I’m happy right now! Just because you’re here with me and we- we love each other! We love each other babe, c’mon, it’s just a momentary bliss, you know that! That rule means nothing, you said so yourself!” he had rushed in a louder voice, his brows knotting on his forehead and his own tears accruing at the corner of his eyelids.

“It’s not about the rule or whatever! We don’t love each other anymore, just open your eyes! I wasn’t happy even with all you did for me, you were happy on your own! Don’t tell me you didn’t see the signs!” she had moaned back.

“I did see them, and I even asked you about it, but you told me there was nothing, so I chose to trust you!” he had defended cluelessly.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… My feelings are not the same as before. I tried really hard to keep up with you, but I can’t. That man I met, I don’t feel burdened with him. You’ll always love me more than I love you, because you have that spell transcending you, but this isn’t right-“

“Are you kidding me? You really think I’m here just because of that stupid rule? After all this time? I know my feelings! I love you because I fell for you, and I would be the same with or without this thing! Sure, it must have influenced me at the beginning, but now it’s just me and my feelings!” he had let his fear take the best of him by cutting her, his heart crumpling under his chest he had smashed with his fist to emphasize his sincerity.

“I feel suffocated when I’m with you, Jooheon-ah." She had started to cry again. "With him, I don’t have to be afraid that I’ll be lacking like I did with you, because I get him the way you get me, just like I used to get you before. Now that I met him, I can give my all without feeling that it’s never enough…”

“You just never truly loved me, that’s what you’re really telling me. Or else you would never have felt belittled or intimidated by my feelings, or else you would have known that I was happy with every single thing you gave me” Jooheon had mumbled between gritted teeth, his jaw clenched, before he shot her a tearful yet glaring stare.

He had felt like he had been sliced in two by a sword, one part of him burning into a fire of rage and betrayal that had whispered to him to insult her and turn his kitchen inside out ; another one filled with love and despair that had made him crave to beg her not to leave his side.

“I did love you, it wasn’t like that from the beginning…” she sighed. “I just don’t love you anymore, but that was before him. Meeting him just made me open my eyes. Maybe I am influenced by the spell, maybe not, but right now what I’m sure of, is that I fell for him anyway. You have to understand that, not the rest.”

“I can’t. And here you were questioning my feelings, when in fact you’re the one who’s just been struck by that thing… I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you! If my love was too much for you, it just means you didn’t love me back!”

“You just don’t listen… Think whatever you want of my sincerity. But you said it yourself, Jooheon-ah. That you would be the same even if there wasn’t this rule. The same goes for me. And hadn’t it been him, it would’ve been someone else.” she had felt tired of explaining herself.

“I can’t understand you. I won’t understand you. I’ve always done everything for you, ever since we met! Everything! And you loved me, so how could your feelings change when I didn’t?!” he had broken into tears shamelessly, having always showed himself completely naked before her, without pretending.

“I can’t explain it further, it just…. Faded away. I’m sorry.”

“Nobody will love you as much as I did, you know that? Nobody, not him, because he’ll feel lacking just like you did, won’t he?” he ended up spitting some nonsense, his eyes falling into some emptiness while his mixed feelings had killed him on the spot.

“You can’t tell when it comes to love. I wish you’ll find someone who’ll love you as much as I used to, if not more. I tried to stay, I really tried, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t as good for you as you wished to believe, Jooheon-ah. You have to admit that we weren’t perfect together. Everything does not depend on that rule, or else I wouldn’t have spent time with you to begin with. You just can’t tell what the heart will be like. My heart changed, and so will yours, one day.”

“You’re so selfish. You were only waiting to find the one for you without ever considering me as it.”

“I wish you the best, Jooheon. You deserve it.”

And with that, she had stood up while glancing at him one last time, the only sound in the apartment being their choked sobs and the air having been poisoned with the sadness that had seeped out of their tensed bodies. And she left, without ever turning back, nor coming back.

That thick atmosphere seemed to have never wore off his place, up ‘til now.

That was the reason why Jooheon couldn’t believe in love anymore, nor in himself. He had trusted his feelings, he had given his everything to someone, yet it hadn’t been enough to keep her by his side. She had been supposed to be the one for him, and he had done all he could to be the one for her effortlessly, yet she had found her happiness and satisfaction in her own ideal.

He then believed that love couldn’t measure up to that cruel soulmate rule, because the sincerity of his heart his friends talked about hadn’t been enough for her to remain in love with him ; because her feelings had definitely faded away once she had been confronted to the man of her profound dreams, making her aspire to reach something defined as “higher” than the ones she had with Jooheon ; because it then crushed the satisfaction one could find into the simplicity of genuine feelings.

Jooheon had wondered if he, too, had ever loved her to begin with, or if it hadn’t all been a lie sold by the force overpowering everyone, disguised into feelings. He had wondered if love was supposed to make people that selfish and blind, just as he and she had turned to be. He had been selfish and blind, by seeing only what he had wished to see, an ideal love flowing down a calm river, without looking at the steep waterfall it obviously had been getting closer to. He had been selfish and blind, as he had straightforwardly followed his passion, until it had burned them both. She had been selfish and blinded by perfection, seeking for an unreachable balance between the two members of a couple, when love was supposed to be sincere and giving in your own way, without comparison.

He had wondered what was supposed to happen to him now that the person who had been meant to fit and fill him in every way, hadn’t loved him. Could he ever be loved? And could he love, again?

He had wondered what place true love had in this calculated world, to the point he had went through migraines from overthinking.

He was condemned to fear that any compatible woman he’d meet from now on would eventually leave his side, because love was never enough to save them when facing perfection, because he hadn’t been enough to keep her. He had ceased to believe in love more that in the law, doubting that everything had fallen apart just because feelings could come as fast as they could go.

Yet, he might have forgotten, that someone actually would feel attracted to him passionately just as he had loved with all his heart, but mostly, that some people out there, still believed in love more than anything else. He had forgotten about the sincerity of other people after being deceived ; until he came across you again, that very terrible morning.

                   * * *

         You had woken up quite early for someone who had been out partying the past night, but there had been a bubble of excitement transporting you out of bed and ushering your steps outside your flat to go and do some shopping with Jiwoo. Tonight was the night, the one of the first event you had ever been in charge of, and not only this accomplishment made you feel great, but also the fact that you had talked with Jooheon and might talk to him sooner or later again.

You were in your best condition ever since autumn had begun, and it’s with light strides that you stepped out the subway and waited for your friend at a huge intersection of big avenues. You were supposed to meet in this district famous for its shops alleys, and you were a few minutes early as it was near your place.

“Y/N-ah!” the cheerful voice of your colleague finally made its way to your eardrums above the ambient din the crowd around the both of you was making.

She approached you and you stood in front of the crosswalk while chatting, waiting for the little symbolic man to turn green. When suddenly, once you detached your eyes from your phone’s screen indicating you where the first shop you wished to go was situated, they ended up landing on a familiar figure on the opposite side of yours, making your eyelids squint, then part the further they could from each other.

“This can’t be…”

Facing you, with his hands in the pockets of his deep blue track pants and his bust simply covered by a black hoodie in spite of the cold weather, the stick of a lollipop trapped between his filled lips, was standing Jooheon. You couldn’t quite believe it, but indeed, he was here, accompanied by another dude who was showing him something on his phone just like you had been with Jiwoo a few seconds before. The sidewalk was large enough for a row of ten people to walk side by side on it, so when the light finally turned green, you knew you wouldn’t have the chance to come across him or bump into him “accidentally”.

You were too appalled to make a move on him anyway, time passing by quickly as Jiwoo pulled you by the arm and started to step on the white lines painted on the ground, while you were busy staring indiscreetly at the man who were giving you the chills and the butterflies all over again, just at his sight.

“What are you doing? Move or we’ll get crashed by a car” Jiwoo joked as she was literally dragging your wobbly body behind her.

“He’s here Jiwoo how is that even possible how-“ you mumbled in a squeaky voice, your hands grasping her arm hard.

“Who? Wait what? Are you talking about the man from yesterday? Where?!”

You were halfway through the sidewalk when your eyes finally seemed to meet for a split second over the dozens of passengers between the two of you, causing you to shudder in delight, before he was out of your sight or reach. You dared to turn back once your feet stomped on a safer place than the road, to ensure yourself you indeed had met him by chance ; and your eyes indeed fell on his back and his famous flaming hair he covered with a black cap as he reached the side you had been standing on before at a lazy pace.

“Jiwoo-yaaaaa, how is it even POSSIBLE THAT I CAME ACROSS HIM?! What’s going on? Am I seeing things?!”

You were now shaking your friend as your pupils were still burning holes into his silhouette, until he finally disappeared through the crowd then down the stairways leading to the subway, leaving you numb the second you lost track of him.

“This is FREAKING AMAZING” the blonde girl said with an expression showing her fascination as she looked back to where you were staring. “You’re both giving me the chills seriously! I guess that’s what the soulmate law does! You’re filming a fucking movie Y/N-ah, I’m so glad to be a witness of it because I was starting to think that this was pure bullshit!”

So were you.

When you had been looking desperately for him, it had seemed like he would never show up ; but now that he had popped out of the depths of nowhere, you were definitely pulled into the hole of attraction by coincidences coming one after the other. How could you keep your resolution to remain reasonable and not get your hopes up that he was going to lift up your love life?

You ceased to agitate your body and the one of your friend as the buzz of your phone vibrated into the pocket of your padded jacket.

Jooheon [10:08 a.m.] : Didn’t we just pass by each other? It seems like I just saw you in Myeongdong

Terrific, was the word that would be the first to roll off your tongue if you were ever asked to describe this situation. Incredible, would be the one to tell people how you were feeling as you opened the message he had sent you, once again being the first to start the conversation before giving you the chance to land back on Earth after he had shaken up your world for the third time in less than 24 hours.

Your life-line that had been shimmering slightly all this time finally turned back to its flesh color, but your body felt warm, becoming insensitive to the freezing wind whirling in the streets, the overall sensation making you smile sheepishly as you typed an answer.

You [10:09 a.m.] : I think we did! Sorry I didn’t greet you, I wasn’t sure it was you at first and I was quite shocked tbh haha

How come you were being that honest? You quickly slid the device back into your pocket and decided to give your heart a rest by focusing on your task of the day : find yourself and Jiwoo an outfit for tonight’s reception.

Jooheon was staring at his own phone in his left hand where the heart-line had ceased to shine now that he was far enough from you, but his body had suddenly been eaten by unfamiliar chills, even when he had been wandering in the cold without feeling anything all morning long. Yet what was perturbing him the most, was the strong curiosity that kept on sprouting at the back of his head when he meant to empty his brain from any thought linked to a girl – except her, because he didn’t control it.

He had had to force himself not to look over his shoulder to watch your attractive traits he had only seen for a split-second, just to forget about them quickly and move on with his life like he had been doing for the past months. Yet there his fingers had been, typing a message to you yesterday and today as well before his usual defenses had refrained them to.

So, in order to make up for that short deviation he was half-heartedly regretting, Jooheon chose to mirror your action and put his phone in the large pocket of his sweater without answering to your enthusiastic response, shutting his eyes on the small desire to do so that was tickling his brain cells.

                 * * *

          Fifteen minutes. It was fifteen minutes before the guests would actually start to come by, and your stomach was twisting in pain as you felt the anticipation and the stress eat you up.

"Relax Y/N, your traits look so rigid!" Kihyun, one of your colleagues, chanted as he grabbed you by the shoulders and massaged them quickly. "Too bad I wasn't there last night to see you relax for the first time in the month"

"One last checkup, and I'll be good" you half-whispered as your throat had turned sore, and he chuckled before pouring you a cup of water from his standing place behind the buffet he just had checked for you ten minutes ago.

"Yes cap'!" he mocked you, and you finally smiled as you lightly hit his hand that had been offering you the soothing drink.

You spun around to watch the room, and honestly, it was exactly how you had wanted to be, if not more beautiful. You had opted for the classic round tables, but you liked the conviviality their form involved, and they were decorated in brown, clay and golden details surrounding the reddish flowers at the center, all those warm tones to reminisce the warm season fall was, as it came to an end. There were white and gold garlands as well as balloons behind the huge buffet and the stage where the spokespersons would stand to give their speeches, while the "photo spot" next to the entry was delimited by two wonderful floral sculptures. But the final touch was, the orchestra that had kindly agreed to put on brown or copper suits to fit into your theme.

Everything was right in its place, even the personal you had hired who were already in their positions, ready to take any order or to play the games your team had planned, with the help of an MC to relay them.

"This is beautifully chic, Y/N-ah. The young footballers are going to feel like the classiest people in the world tonight" Himchan, your team manager – and the one who had hit on you but forgot about it thanks to alcohol – told you with a smile, as you were busy lightning a few candles that had blown out on the tables.

"Thanks, Team Manager" you politely addressed him a smile as well, then your body shuddered slightly as you felt his eyes linger on your figure for a bit too long. "Is there something wrong with my outfit? We decided to buy something new with Jiwoo because we've used all of our black clothes but if-"

"No, no! Absolutely not! You- I mean this, this looks perfect!" he stuttered as he waved his hands before him. "I'll leave you to your task, I'll be at the entry! Join me in five minutes!"

And quickly, he was gone, a hand scratching the back of his scalp as if he was embarrassed about something.

Was he checking me right now? Shit…

You still took a quick glance at your clothes, but you felt quite good and ensured that you had made the right choice. You were wearing a black turtleneck with a tailor jacket above, a pair of skinny black corduroy trousers and slim low boots with square heels that were the most comfortable shoes you had worn for an event ever since the beginning of your internship. A glimpse of red lipstick, delicate golden loops on your ears, and you felt chic enough to walk into the room without feeling too diminished by the dressy people that would soon be seating everywhere.

And that "soon" came sooner than what you had thought, because soon enough, you were busy welcoming the football players, a lot of them making you weak in the knees because of their handsomeness. Yet you knew you weren't the only one feeling this way as your colleagues and the female workers never ceased to exchange some looks between them or with you, agreeing that you'll be getting an eyeful tonight.

A lot of famous brands had been invited as well, and you felt honored to hear compliments from their owners or representatives as they walked into the room, their eyes shooting open and their mouths falling into a smile as they were met with the ambiance you had settled for them.

A few presentations, quizzes, thanks and plates later, you could finally let out a sigh of relief as you walked down the stage after having introduced the dessert under dozens of pair of eyes gazing at you, because it was the moment for you to take a break. You retreated at one of the tables in the corner of the room, where a part of your team was actually eating before the time of their next shift came, and you overlooked at your work with stars in your eyes. All those people were having a good time thanks to you, and nothing else could have warmed your heart that much tonight.

Nothing…?

Your brain had finally some time to spare and think of someone who actually made you burn, and you realized he hadn't answered to your last message from the morning, making you frown. The desire to talk to him now that you had switched off the party and your duties spread in your body as if you had simply clogged it at the back of your head all day long, so you couldn't prevent your fingers to type something, momentarily forgetting about the regrets you could have from letting yourself get involved with him any further without knowing where it would get you.

You [10:02 p.m.] : Catching a sight of my face in the broad daylight cut your desire to ever talk to me again?

You bit your lip and sipped on the single flute of champagne you were allowed to drink during the whole night, savoring each drop of it, and your eyes fell on one of the tables that was particularly loud. The boys around it were pretty cheerful, loud mewls falling from their mouths as they ate with enthusiasm their dinner, and the fun and happiness of the situation turned to be distracting enough for you to not feel the long minutes that separated your message from Jooheon's answer.

Jooheon [10:13 p.m.] : No sorry, had a pretty messy day, and I don't go on this app often. What's up?

Your heart burst under your ribcage and you almost dropped your glass to get a hold of your phone before answering immediately, not wanting to miss this chance. You were like a teenager talking to her crush, but you didn't care ; something in this excitement felt addictive as you just didn't want this electricity in your body to stop flowing, and you liked how spontaneous you were being with him.

You [10:14 p.m.] : Don't apologize, I was just joking! I have to admit that I was really shocked by this coincidence, the probability's quite small haha

Thirty minutes passed, and still nothing. You were getting upset but were knocking yourself mentally at the same time, for being that impatient and that much on the nerves just because of him. Yet as time went by, the wings that were supposed to save you from falling for him and getting desperate started to flap, as you finally grew cautious of your overreacting behavior. It was almost the end of your break anyway, so you had to stop waiting for anything from this tentative of exchange behind a screen, even if you had wished you could talk for hours like the past night-

Jooheon [10:45 p.m.] : Yeah that was kinda surprising. Sorry I'm taking a long time to answer, I'm out with my best friends and

Jooheon [10:45 p.m.] : I'm a bit tipsy and surrounded by too many discussions at the same time

As if he could hear your contradictory thoughts, he showed up again when the balance had almost dropped to the "be reasonable Y/N" side. You sighed in relief and smiled at his fractured answer, glancing one last time at the hour indicating you that the moment when you wouldn't be able to talk to him was getting closer and closer.

You [10:46 p.m.] : Don't worry, I'm out too, actually at an event I've organized so I'll be busy as well! I just wanted to talk to you even during a short time, our discussion was interesting yesterday

Honesty. Every single one of your actions was guided by honesty without you controlling it, as if you weren't supposed to play a game or pretend with him at all. Every single phrase of your precedent lecturing about remaining the two feet on solid ground, where reality could less hit you, got absorbed into your phone's screen by their opponent : his next message.

Jooheon [10:47 p.m.] : Oh cool! What's the event? I might see you on the news, right?

Jooheon [10:47 p.m.] : I had a great time talking to you too, it was better to eat my dumplings with someone keeping me company in a way

"What the hell am I thinking…" Jooheon mumbled as he placed his phone on the small table he shared at the bar with three of his friends.

"That's exactly the question I was about to ask you man" Changkyun, his closest friend, nudged him while his two eyes were scanning the bubbles on the screen.

"Hey, do you always read other's conversations you asshole?" Jooheon slammed his shoulder before putting the device in the pocket of his black jacket.

"You've been typing and retyping things since this morning in this convo, don't you think I'll get curious? Who's the girl?"

Jooheon took a long sip of his beer, before letting out a hiss of contentment as the bittersweet taste graced his buds.

"I met her at the club yesterday. You know me, I don't give a shit about meeting compatible girls but this one… I swear she was so gorgeous. And I had that familiar feeling of déjà-vu, then it turns out that we matched on Tinder. We talked last night, and I even ran into her this morning. That's funny, but-"

"You're getting interested, that's it" Changkyun cut him off with a sly smile.

"I'm not!" he vigorously protested, the two words twisting his stomach in discomfort. "I'm not, just… Our conversation from last night changed from the usual dating app shitty chattering, nothing less nothing more" he then convinced himself while nodding his head, avoiding the three pair of eyes that were darting question marks at him.

"Then why do you look so bothered to be just talking to her?" Hyungwon, on the seat facing him, asked while shrugging.

Good question, that Jooheon couldn't answer truthfully. One side of him was confident that he just liked to discuss because you were a cool person and it was cool to talk to someone new, but another one felt like he was somehow excited about this, and he feared it as much as he hated it.

"True, the second I asked you about it, you got on the defensive side and started blabbering random things" Changkyun laughed at him after having gulped down his glass.

"It's just that it's been a long time since I talked with a girl without thinking too much of it, so it's weird, that's all" he admitted out loud, the thought bugging him too much for him to keep it.

"Well you are right to do so, just have fun!" Minhyuk, sitting next to Hyungwon, encouraged him further, like he always had after the breakup. "It won't kill you to talk, and maybe you'll see that something can happen"

"I don't want it, you know that hyung" Jooheon withdrew into himself, sinking back into his chair and his eyes piercing the face of the blonde boy.

"For now, Jooheon-ah. Not forever."

"That, is for me to decide" Jooheon warned him between gritted teeth. "We're not having this discussion again."

"The heart does what it wants" his friend smiled cheekily, earning an eye-roll from your interlocutor who finally remembered you had answered him a few minutes ago already. "I'm just telling you to at least have fun, not to marry her! And if she's on Tinder, there's more than 50% chance that she isn't looking for anything as well."

One last deadly glance at the culprit and the talk was over, before Jooheon unlocked his cellphone with a loud heartbeat, the words from his friend resounding into his eardrums. Have fun. What was that supposed to mean? He wasn't even sure if he could take anything further than a few smirks at you anyway, as he had lost most of his confidence when it came to approaching women. When he was behind his bar, he could easily suit himself into the playful bartender with cocky smiles ; but once outside, once there was nothing to comfort his roleplay anymore, Jooheon felt trapped in his insecurity.

You [10:47 p.m.] : The sponsorships' launching for the most famous clubs of football in Korea!

His face froze into a shocked expression, his eyebrows rising up on his forehead, as this new coincidence wasn't helping him to see you only as a conversation buddy, and not a little bit special girl.

"What is she saying?" Changkyun caught the surprise on his close friend's face and grew curious.

"I think… She's at the same event as Kihyun hyung and the rest of the boys tonight" Jooheon chuckled in disbelief, his head tilted to the side.

"NO KIDDING?!" the three dumb and dumber allies exclaimed.

"This is getting reaaaally exciting" Minhyuk chirped while tapping his fingers together in a mischievous way.

Jooheon [10:54 p.m.] : Ah

Jooheon [10:54 p.m.] : Actually I was invited at this one, some of my friends must be there with you

You [10:55 p.m.] : What?! Really? Are you a player? But you were serving at a bar yesterday…

Jooheon [10:55 p.m.] : I used to play, yes. But I got a severe injury months ago. So my team must be here, some of us were kinda the new hope to make it in the next National team

You [10:56 p.m.] : Oh… Sorry for the injury. That's why you told me you loved it as much as you hated it…

Jooheon [10:56 p.m.] : You remembered that?

You [10:56 p.m.] : Seems like I did haha

You [10:57 p.m.] : You and your friends can still come you know, if you have your name on the list! And if not, I'm the organizer so I can make you enter! You don't know what you're missing, I put my blood and sweat into it… And I'm sure your team would be glad to see you

Jooheon [10:57 p.m.] : Idk if that's a good idea Y/N… But thanks for the invitation

You [10:57 p.m.] : Look, I have to leave, but if you ever change your mind, here's my number!

"We must go Jooheon-ah! We can hang out with the boys, surrounded by rich people and undoubtfully beautiful models, c'mon! And it might be your chance to let yourself go a little for one night" Minhyuk urged him before he ended his drink in no time to prove him how impatient he was.

"Minhyuk hyung is right, let's go have some fun out there instead of that same bar. Your team must miss you y'know" Changkyun incited him with a hand on his right shoulder, shaking him a little.

"You guys can go, then! I can't face them nor my previous opponents knowing they'll be pitying me or laughing at me! Not talking about that bastard who fucked up my leg!" Jooheon suddenly fired up, a hurt expression masking his traits.

"They won't pity or mock you, you fool! No one in the sports field jokes about injuries like that! Jooheon-ah, you need to stop being so resigned to face the things that might bring you bad memories because that's what makes you move on! C'mon let's go, so you can meet your teammates and move on from your rupture with football, and so you can meet that girl and move on from your heartbreak. It is high time you hook up with someone from the opposite gender, and maybe have a one-night stand if it can help" Minhyuk lectured him before standing up and grabbing his arm fiercely.

"C'mon mate, it's been months for the two already, you're not going to live behind walls forever you know?" Changkyun moderated the blonde's speech he still shared.

"I fucking hate all of you" Jooheon mumbled as he wasn't that hard to convince.

Because deep down in his guts, something had already told him to go and meet you ; maybe it was the bundle of anticipation and adrenaline that the unknown of the situation had rooted right down to his core.

"Not guilty" Hyungwon defended as they finally walked outside the bar to grab a cab.

Jooheon [11:04 p.m.] : Looks like I'm on my way

                 * * * 

          "I shouldn't be here, I'm going home" Jooheon resigned himself as his friends were reaching the doors to the place you had rent to host your event.

"No, come back here boy! You're going to enter this party, to eat, to talk, to smile, and maybe to kiss!" Minhyuk ordered as he grabbed the fugitive by the collar of his jacket, blocking him in his steps meant to take him away from here.

Jooheon swore under his breath at the last beer he had drank, accusing it of making him abdicate before his friends and letting them drag him here, to the gates of his nightmare. Behind the glass doors they were holding for him to walk through, the two biggest triggers of his deepest emotions were waiting for him : one, a girl who had stimulated him but not in a pure sexual way when he had sworn to himself he'd never deal with feelings for women until further notice ; two, the fellows he had shared one of his dearest passion with, the same who would bring him the sad memory that the time he had lived off his dream was now over.

"Do you want me dead?" he whined while looking at Minhyuk's grip that had slid down his left arm.

"No, I want you alive, so alive that you live in the present and not in the fucking past. Let's. Go. Now!"

Another phrase that rang into his mind. How come did he sound so right tonight? Was it that beer, again?

"You sucker…" he barely responded, his skills to counterattack lacking impressively.

"Love you too, buddy. You'll thank me later!"

The doors were pushed and so was the panicked human whose body was under high tension, until he finally stepped into the huge room where funk music was played, where low lights were dancing between the roof and the tiled floor, where multiple conversations covered each other, creating an ambient buzz in his ears ; because as his eyes finally landed on you, who were talking to some guy on the stage, Jooheon forgot about his fears.

The premises of a smile inched at the corners of his closed mouth, as he felt somehow great just like the day before, when he had found you in the dancing crowd then right behind his back at the counter. His gaze was glued to every single detail of your features as he once again got absorbed by your beauty, but this time without the barman roleplay to get it over with. In your all-black outfit, with a masculine-feminine touch that enhanced a certain sexiness, you glowed in the middle of fancy dresses that didn't fit his style, at all.

You, were totally his style ; maybe that was the reason why he was having a hard time turning away from you once and for all, without his mind constantly looking back at the pictures he made of you in his memory. How come you could be as enthralling as his ex when you weren't even destined for him?

"Good evening gentlemen, can I have your names, please?" a young man suddenly appeared in front of him with sheets of paper in his hands, shaking him slowly out of his trance, but Changkyun was already handling the situation.

"His name is on the list, Lee Jooheon from Daegu FC, and we're honor-guests he brought with him" his best friend answered naturally.

"Boss, come here a second please, we have latecomers" the man mumbled in his walkie-talkie quietly.

A simple turn of your head in the direction of the entry, a single glance at the one you had wished to see again face to face, and you were melting like a marshmallow at the contact of fire. Your left hand was tickling again, and it's with wobbly legs that you made your way towards the four men who were looking at you expectantly – especially Jooheon, that sketched a shy smile at you, his dark eyes turning to crescents but still displaying some kind of spark.

"Good evening, gentlemen. It's okay Changmin-ssi, I know them, and this one is with the club on table 4" you managed to explain to your colleague who nodded and let them walk further into the room.

Your eyes landed again on your ideal, whose dimple smile appeared completely as he kept on looking back and forth between you and whatever dot he could see in the room behind your back, telling you he was somehow embarrassed to face you. He was stunning as ever, with his flamboyant hair combed in the back with a slightly wet effect, and wearing a black jacket with round silver pins along the seams of its collar, sleeves and pockets, a black tee shoved into a black pair of skinny jeans and low leather boots. A classy look yet different from the ordinary tailor suit every single man in this room was bearing tonight.

"Let me show you the way" you finally addressed them with a smile, your voice hovering the ones of the rest of people.

"Thank you, for letting us come in" the tallest from the group humbly told you and you only nodded your head in response, Jooheon's presence knocking you out.

The loud thump of your heart was contrasting with how light your heart felt ever since you were around him again, and this time you could truly feel the power of attraction as you were completely sober, the sensations becoming twice more unique than the past night when you had been struck for the first time. The butterflies were fighting in your stomach again, the chills had made one with your skin, the air had become as hot as in a desert and the desire was still indescribable, a nice cocktail to make you weak.

"Oh my- Jooheon-ah! Guys! When did you come?!" your colleague Kihyun shouted in your backs, making you jump into place before rotating on your heels to witness the scene.

"Heeey, you look great bro!" the one your colleague greeted as Changkyun threw at him as he approached the group at lightspeed, before they engulfed each other into a masculine accolade.

"Y/N, let me present you my childhood friends! I'm so glad they could make it! Remember when we talked about school and so on? Most of my stories were with them! This is Chae Hyungwon, Im Changkyun, Lee Jooheon and Lee Minhyuk!" Kihyun got excited, his arms on the shoulders of the-said Minhyuk and Jooheon's, who was looking back at you with an identical surprise that masked your traits.

They knew each other? How small the world could be…

"A-Ah yeah, I remember! But looks like they should learn from you to come in time" you joked.

"What did you tell her? Not something gross I hope?" Minhyuk worried, smiling at you.

"I'll keep my mouth shut" you teased.

You still hadn't heard Jooheon's voice, but his eyes were pealing you like an onion, his stare fixed on you making you grow shy and self-conscious. However, if his face might have wished to remain neutral, you felt like you were reading through his expression, that seemed to be close to fascination the more his eyes scanned you from your head to your toes.

"You're arriving at the end of the staff's service, but Y/N and I will do it for you. What do you drink?" Kihyun asked them once you were both posted behind the buffet.

The boys all passed their commands, except for Jooheon who, once again, had his lips sealed and his gaze floating between you and the room. He didn't feel uneasy next to you, nor embarrassed, just simply out of words because the whole situation was escaping his hands which usually were always controlling everything he did, every choice he made. But tonight, his brain had turned off once he had faced you, the rules he had imposed himself long gone into the depths of his memory. He felt out of his body that suddenly turned to you confidently.

Fuck it, for one night, he finally thought.

"Surprise me" he then copied your behavior from the night before, and seeing your surprised expression, he let out a laugh.

His laugh was a tone higher than his voice, a sweet melody you were glad to hear after long minutes of silence. You giggled back and started to pour him the only cocktail you wouldn't mess up too bad, a piña colada, and your spine turned chilly as he spoke up again :

"You're pretty good at it." He declared gently.

"Thanks, coming from a professional I'm deeply touched!"

"The room is nice too, you were right, I would've missed something" he smiled once your eyes met again. "So everything here comes from your head, right?"

He had pushed the right button, as you started to describe him the scheme you had followed before ending up putting this setting into life tonight. Your words fell out of your mouth one by one, as if you had been talking for hours long already. You enjoyed talking to him, the attention he gave you by nodding or humming warming your heart and cheeks. Maybe you would make at least a new friend out of this, if you couldn't have his love like with all the previous ones.

He wouldn't have thought he could be that relaxed around a pretty girl, listening quietly to you without any overthinking bugging his mind and making him stutter or put an end to the conversation. With you and your welcoming attitude, everything was easy, so easy that his fears and questions weren't fed. Maybe he, too, would make a new friend out of it.

Right, a friend Jooheon-ah. Nothing bad.

"Hereee!" you finally extended your right hand to him, and he received the drink with a small bow. "So, you used to play in the Daegu FC, right? I checked. And now, you're living in Seoul, the city of your field's huge enemy…"

"That's right, it's pure treason, isn't it?" he smirked before taking a sip, coating his lips with white foam before he licked it quickly. "I'm probably going to come across the Seoul buddy who helped me get a knee ligament rupture and a malfunctioning leg"

You gulped at his sarcasm, observing him as his eyes were scanning the crowd, probably looking for the player he had been talking about. And as you followed his stare that had stopped on a certain group of sportsmen, it was as if you could share what Jooheon felt deep down, your heart crumpling at the sight of one them he was gazing at with insistence. The boy was smiling and dancing around his table with his mates, while Jooheon suddenly seemed lonely, in his own bubble with only you to notice the painful frown which passed his traits like a brisk of air.

"Where's your team? Don't you wish to meet them?" you finally asked to root him out of his thoughts probably full of regrets.

"The loud boys down there, that's them. But I'm… Too embarrassed to confront them" Jooheon admitted out loud, before his eyelids grew apart in surprise as his mind was being way too open. "Sorry, pretend you didn't hear that"

How come his tongue was untying itself without consulting? Ah, right, his defensive functions were nowhere to be seen at the moment.

"But I did. I get that you're embarrassed, but I'm sure you'll feel better when you'll see they're not. C'mon, let's go! Your friends are with them anyway" you invited him, stepping out from behind the buffet and coming next to him. "I know I'm just a stranger, so my words probably mean nothing, but trust me, I have a good intuition most of the time, Kihyun can confirm."

Jooheon's heart bloomed into something bigger and hotter, burning his whole ribcage yet soothing his body now that he felt a presence next to him. Yes, you were a complete stranger, but you somehow felt comforting, as your friendliness and the simple of your questions and answers didn't put him into a spot where he had to think. He then began to walk to the table along with you, a small smile disguising your lips as your arms brushed. However, you were abruptly cut through your course by the famous guy Jooheon had been staring at earlier.

"Wow, Lee, you look… Great! It's cool to see you tonight! How are you doing?" the guy stammered with a smile, but you could perceive the embarrassment in his chocolate eyes.

Jooheon immediately tensed next to you, his bloody organ cowering back to a suffocating state.

"Hi, Kwon. I'm doing good, and you? I heard you're the favorite for the sponsorships this year" he still managed to answer calmly.

A part of him despised this good-looking, tall, and somehow kind man, his smile killing him with jealousy and rancor when he knew he shouldn't. Back when the incident had happened, Jooheon had been persuaded that he had done it on purpose, or if not, that he hadn't felt sorry for his loss, because they had been each other's biggest opponent to make it into the national team. But his own team had helped him work on his hatred, telling him that he hadn't hurt him voluntarily, that there was no one to blame, except for misfortune.

Still, deep down he knew he hated him for being the one to play instead of him and have a greater chance to become a renowned player ; for being the one who had shared the same dream as him but also the one preventing him from achieving it ; for being the one to take away from him the only thing that could have helped him get through his breakup faster.

"I'm less handsome than you, but well, seems they like me for my body!" the guy joked again. "When am I meeting you on the field again? It's been five months, is it going well? Look, I never had the chance to properly tell you, but I'm… sorry about what happened, I just wish you could recover soon, hyung."

Jooheon scoffed despite him, installing a thick atmosphere around the three of you. You snapped your head towards him, and once again, you immediately knew what he was thinking without even spotting how his fist clenched right next to your hand. You didn't quite know at this point if it was the law or simply your ability to understand people easily that made you get his mind at one glance, but you didn't care ; you had to prevent a curse from falling out of his lips that had turned into a thin line, or else something told you he'd regret it.

"He's not fully recovered yet, but it's getting better, thank you for worrying. Sorry to interrupt, but I have to accompany him to his table and then go back to my other tasks, so if you'll excuse us"

The boy nodded in confusion, the troubled look in his eyes apparent as he smiled and bowed politely to the both of you, and you gently grabbed Jooheon by the arm before walking straight towards his teammates. That touch sent waves of numbness up to your shoulder, while it finally shut all of Jooheon's spiteful voices turning into his head.

"Boss, we need you to introduce the charity project and the afterparty in two minutes" your walkie-talkie spoke up.

Only a few steps had been taken and you quickly let go, your body overwhelmed by your spontaneity you didn't explain nor understood, and you rotated on your heels to look at Jooheon as he watched you with a blank face.

"I'll leave you to your teammates, sorry for… Interfering. But I didn't want a fight to begin between you and this man" you confessed, suddenly embarrassed by your actions.

"Thank you, Y/N. I sincerely was about to punch his face, because when it did happen to me, I didn't see an ounce of regret on his face at first. He was happy that I was out, because well, I was good" Jooheon explained, shaking his head in disbelief as he was thrilled by the wave of anger that had submerged him. "But I would've regretted creating trouble at your event, and I know he kind of meant what he said."

You only smiled shyly and stepped to his right so that he could walk past you, but instead, he turned again to face you.

"I don't think I should meet those people tonight, I'm still pretty sensitive about the subject. I'll step out. I'm sorry, you invited me and helped me enter…"

"You're leaving?!" you blurted out, deception clearly audible in your shaking tone.

Your two eyes bore into his and froze him into his spot, and it became suddenly hard to disappear, to walk away from you, to put an end to this encounter that had been short, once again. Something felt unachieved, would it be the conversation you could have if you kept on talking, or the moment you were about to share if you kept each other company.

"I… I think it's for the better. I don't feel great, being here."

"I'm out of service in a few minutes, because at midnight, everyone's going to the afterparty. I just have to help the staff pack quickly. Would you… Mind waiting for me? I'm done with all this people as well and I've been running everywhere all night long, so I would gladly enjoy some fresh air" you offered expectantly.

This was your last card, your last chance to stick by his side a little longer, to bathe into dreamland for one night only, even if tomorrow would probably put an end to it as your relationships with men never lasted long. He was special to you, but you weren't to him ; however, you still were desperate to live in the bliss he was putting you through to the fullest, so you wouldn't ever regret it.

Jooheon's mind, on the other hand, would've said no, had he been supposed to follow his restrictions and let his usual fears eat him out. But tonight, it had taken you a few smiles and phrases to touch his wounded heart, and Jooheon couldn't get enough of this comforting feeling, of the lift off his shoulders you were being, of the silencing of his thoughts you had provoked. Selfishly, he wished for a night where he could feel great after a long time, and it seemed like you were able to just do that.

"I'll be waiting outside."

                * * *

        "What about dumplings and beer? It's my treat, I'm sorry you had to wait for so long but there was more to do than I thought…" you apologized as you both walked down the luminous streets of Seoul.

Jooheon chuckled while putting his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Don't worry, during the whole time my friends tried to convince me to come with them at the afterparty"

"So you met your teammates in the end…?" you asked, your own hands burning as you felt steaming hot even at the beginning of an icy fall night.

"Yeah… They were happy to see me, you were right. It was weird, but nice. Still I just didn't feel like hearing them talk about matches and football stories all night long when I'm not a part of it anymore…"

Sadness impinged his nosy voice, even if his face was straight, with his two sharp eyes staring right before him nonchalantly. You felt great to be the one to listen this time, your heart fluttering as it seemed like you were growing closer naturally, exchanging thoughts just like you had the past night. You understood why it was him who was the one for you, as being around him was like being around an old friend who got you and who you got.

"I would've felt the same, honestly" you sighed. "But you'll never be able to play again…?"

Silence, but not an uncomfortable one ; just the time it took to Jooheon to put words together in order to describe this regretful situation.

"At first, it should've been a classical knee ligament rupture with 6 months of re-education, but the doctor kind of messed it up so it's not completely… Repaired. I'm still not able to play right now, and in the sports field, you have to keep up with training or else you'll lose your level. By the time I catch up, it will be too late, I'll never have a chance to become a national player again."

You hummed in comprehension, as it was your turn to search for something to say.

"I can't tell you irrational words of encouragement, I'm sure you know what you're talking about" you surprised him by your sincerity. "However… I don't think you'll never be able to play again. I don't think you lose your talent overnight. I'm pretty sure it's still down there, in those legs, it just needs to be worked on all over again. But it's reaaaally hard to be motivated to work from scratch. I hope you won't give up, but if you give up, it's pretty understandable because it's gonna be fucking hard. Like everything in life, in the end!"

From all the things he had heard, it was by far the most relatable comment Jooheon had received, finding home into his eardrums and even in his head as he nodded slowly. You were being rational, but also comforting ; how could you do that?

"No pain no gain, right?" he chuckled quietly, letting a small cloud of fog escape his lips before it dissipated into the air.

"Exactly! And as you still didn't answer my question, dumplings and beers it will be, whether you like it or not!" you exclaimed loudly.

           "How come you didn't finish that anime? I don't get your mini you! You footballers only watch Captain Tsubasa, that's it?" you lolled your head in the back, your hands up in the air in frustration, before they dropped to grab your beer pint with energy.

You both were seating at a table in a cozy pub, not too crowded, with a tavern-like vibe and some old rock music playing in the background. Two empty plates were piled up in the center, where dumplings and other appetizers had been lying in perfect lines before you had eaten them up hungrily. And by the time you had come to talk about childhood cartoons and anime, you had stopped counting the glasses you had drank. You were a bit tipsy, feeling relaxed and lively, with some electric shocks jolting through your body every time Jooheon's knee accidentally bumped against yours.

The boy had taken off his jacket and pulled the long sleeves of his black top up to his elbows that were planted in the wooden material of the small table, his sharp eyes shining as well as his teeth while he laughed at your overreaction. For the first time in seven months, it was way past midnight, and his heart didn't feel heavy, his head wasn't rotting with dark thoughts, his body didn't feel weak, no ; he was perfectly fine, because of – or rather thanks to – you.

You had been chatting and debating for hours now, your cheeks becoming hot again from the beers you had clinked together and the laughs you had shared, the both of you enjoying the time you were spending together without thinking of what was going to happen next.

Were you definitely falling for him? Was he finally opening to a woman after so long?

It didn't matter right now ; what enthroned the situation was the sincerity with which you were talking to each other, as good friends would. Until the time for the closure of the bar came, and you realized that there weren't any means of transport besides taxis or your feet for you to go home.

"Let's go, I'll take you home, it's late" Jooheon said softly as you both stood up and left the cozy nest that had sheltered you away from your everyday lives and rules for a while.

Your heart felt heavy all of a sudden, as the moment where you would part ways and maybe never meet each other again was getting closer, and you dreaded it. You wished that this night would last longer, because you couldn't get enough of his presence, his laugh, his small confessions about his passions or his life stories that he made sound as boring, when they were anything but dull to you. You knew you would have come to like him anyway, had there been the law or not ; he was sweet, funny, sincere, and vulnerable behind a strong facade – everything your heart could fall for.

It took a good twenty-minutes-walk for you to reach your district, and Jooheon suddenly halted in his steps :

"You live around here?" he questioned, his eyes looking up and going over all the huge buildings and shops surrounding the both of you.

"Yes, why?"

"Me too" he scoffed in disbelief. "I live like two minutes away from here, and you?"

"Five for me…" you answered with round eyes meeting his, and you both broke into a shy yet amused smile.

Until you slowly came to the realization that you could actually part ways right now, your direction being the opposite of his but close enough for him to let you walk back on your own.

His eyes got sucked up into the two intense galaxies your face supported, before they surprisingly dropped to your red-tinted lips, and Jooheon became a prey to an unfamiliar sensation, something he hadn't felt in a while ; a desire he thought he could never feel again as his heartbreak had wasted all of his emotions. But as his pupils remained on your traits for a bit too long, an incredible tornado of lust and need shook him up to the core, and he suddenly craved to steal a kiss from those pretty lips.

Fucking beer, I'm losing my senses.

He didn't want to leave your side. You had eased his guard down in just a few hours, so he couldn't deny that you were… Special. He wanted to talk to you a lot more, he wanted to remain in this confused sensation longer as he felt calm and serene, but most of all, alive.

And you could decipher into his two eyes, in spite of how destabilizing they could be the more they stared right back at you, that he was having the same difficulty to say goodbye as you.

"Look-"

"-Do you want to go to my place?" Jooheon cut you before you could be reasonable, and his offer made your whole body shudder in surprise. "I don't know we… We were having a great time talking, and I'm not tired yet, so… But if you don't like going to a guy's place, I-"

"Let's go, it's freezing" you were the one to interrupt him this time, the roaring desire to stay with him taking the best of you and erasing your resolution not to get your hopes higher up with him than with the others who had, too, walked by your side, but only to leave soon after.

        Jooheon's apartment was situated in a decent building, with plenty of long balconies dressing its front view, and you quietly followed him up 'til the lift that soon took you to the third floor. The sound of his keys turning into the lock rang an alarm signal at the back of your head, reminding you of where you were actually entering and how unpredictable the rest of the night could be, but you couldn't care less.

It was the first time in a while that you didn't mind the consequences of your actions, and it felt good.

You passed a dark corridor, who then opened on a small living room next to the kitchen. The flat wasn't decorated much, as only a few figurines, pictures and cactuses could be spotted here and there ; overall, it was pretty neatly cleaned, and you couldn't prevent your mouth from forming a pout in approbation.

"Thought you'd step into a pigsty or what?" Jooheon called you out in an amused tone, as he placed his jacket on the back of the only yet big sofa.

"You actually look like Piglet, so yes, sorry" you joked as you too took off your coat and laid it next to his.

He cursed at you from the kitchen where you hounded him, and he offered you some crisps and water to fill up your stomachs that weren't full even after the two plates you had swallowed.

                 * * *

          "This is actually… The first time I brought a girl home ever since my… Last relationship, I guess" Jooheon suddenly admitted as you had settled in his bedroom, sitting on the mattress across a wooden bedspring, with some snacks separating the both of you.

He had changed for a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top under a grey zipped hoodie with the symbol of Iron Man drafted on it, showing you how comfortable he was being around you to even wear his pajamas. Despite the imposing building of his body the lose clothes revealed, he looked somehow innocent, but mostly vulnerable, with his brows furrowed on his forehead while his eyes were fleeing your stare.

You took in a sharp breath as you heard his confession, and the manner with which he broke into a full smile consumed you, his two dimples showing up. Minute after minute, his cheeks were turning to a rosy tint you could still decipher despite the blue glow of the neon lights that were laid on his bedroom's floor.

His left hand came up to scratch the back of his neck, while yours was burning as if you detained a source of flames in your palm, and you wondered how come he still hadn't noticed the red shining mark. Had he drunk too much to see clearly?

"Honored to be such a guest" you smiled back, clenching your fist even more.

"So that makes it… Seven months? Yeah, seven months, wow. You're the only girl I'm not beware of, to be honest" he chuckled again, his fingers this time finding his hair he messed up a little, making strands fall on either side of his forehead.

"Why would you be wary of women?"

"Because one of you literally stabbed me in the back and turned me into this mess, I'm pretty scared of myself actually" he sighed.

Your heart crumpled under your ribcage, and you brought your legs against your chest before landing your chin on their knees, your eyes searching his face that was dropped to his hands now fumbling with the sheets. He seemed to be about to confess about something that had lingered in his mind and was bothering him, seeing how his expression had darkened. His second sigh took your breath away.

"Want to talk about it?" you shrugged. "I'm a good listener, people tend to say."

Jooheon's eyes leveled up and as they met yours, his heart did a blip up to his throat. You were stunning, but moreover, you were appealing in some kind of way ; he felt like talking to you would be the same as talking to himself inside his head, because you prospected an aura of kindness and reassurance.

"Not sure it'll interest you. It was just a funny realization I had" he tried to divert the subject one last time, his doubts plaguing the light you had spread into his mind, like ink into water.

Brace yourself, Jooheon-ah. It was fine to talk about futile things, why would you mess everything up with that shitty story?

"You don't get to judge that" you replied, taking him aback. "I can talk about my past relationships too, you know, I don't mind. Sometimes talking just do us good, right?"

Right, his eyes told you as they softened, so did his porcelain traits that unwound. Jooheon suddenly shifted in his position to lean his back against the wall right behind his two pillows, and he contemplated for a few seconds what he shall do next. How come his heart was throbbing in need to unbind his twisted thoughts he had kept to himself for so long? How come, most of all, it was for you to hear?

"I… Found my ideal. It was almost two years ago" he then started. "We dated. It was… Amazing. Well, it was for me. She didn't truly love me, I don't think so. Because guess what? She leaved me as soon as she found her own ideal. Saying that she felt burdened because I loved her too much, because I was too good to her. Can you even believe that? She wanted everything to be equal but damn, you don't count in love. Or that's what I thought. I thought that you don't count, that you just give, and that's all. Anyway, she left me, and ever since I've been… A fucking mess. I hope you don't go through that, stopping believing in love and whatever relates to it. It eats you to question everything. It eats my brain. She was supposed to be made for me, y'know? But she left. For her own ideal. So what am I worth now? And where's the love in all this shitty and calculated world, huh?"

He exhaled loudly while closing his eyes as letting this all out felt incredibly relieving – as well as the alcohol flooding in his veins –, until he realized you had been there all this time and hadn't said a single word. His eyelids opened slowly, and his jaded stare dared to drift to you. He felt a sea of goosebumps accost on his body as he were met with your curled-up figure, your traits seemingly peaceful and your gaze not even shaking under his.

Actually, you were shaken by what you had just found out, your insides twisted under the flow of emotions this had put you through. He had delivered you the deepest of his sorrows, and he had been beautiful when he had done so, his face having slid to an endearing expression you couldn't describe, and his voice having turned a bit hoarse and a tone higher.

"My turn" you simply announced, your clear voice cutting through the silence.

Jooheon sat up straightly and bit his lower lip, the anxiety of having told you everything that easily fighting with the anticipation of what story you had in reserve for him to get surprised by you once more.

"Actually, I also found my ideal by pure chance, last night. I was already having a hard time believing in love you know, and I had started to think that maybe I should look for him. I was thinking that if he's made for me, then the chances of him liking me were higher, and then I'd be able to fall in love with less fear that he'll eventually leave. Because I dated a few guys before, who were all compatible with me, but seems like I was never enough. Either I was a pastime before they went to look for their ideal, either they left me because they didn't share my feelings in the end. I gave away my heart sincerely, but I probably couldn't beat the rule, or I came to wonder if I am not the problem. Maybe I too am not worth it, you see? If they all leave at some point…"

You were the one to let a sorrowful smile pull at the corner of your trembling lips this time, your mind having fallen into the messy drawer of your deepest wonderings. You didn't notice Jooheon who was piercing holes through your head from the intense staring, your lack of love for yourself mirroring his own and getting to him.

"Still when I found him, I figured that I wasn't his, so I was disappointed at first. But in fact, it showed me that not everything is as calculated and perfect as we think. It depends on how you really clink with each other, in real life, because law or not, we're still humans with our own hearts to decide what we want, aren't we?

You took a deep breath before ending your speech that was getting closer and closer to its most important yet awkward part.

"And as I spent time with him tonight, I figured that yes, he's definitely perfect for me and has everything I'm looking for in someone, but that's the reason why I think I would've come to like him anyway. He's a really great guy, I'm glad that my standards were set to be so high. It's so nice to see how handsome and cool he is. It's so nice to have been able to at least talk to him. And I'm happy that I can say that to him face to face after hearing his heartbreaking story, so that he knows he's definitely worth it."

Time stopped, and so did Jooheon's heartbeat as your eyes met, before his fell down to your left hand you had opened just for him to see, and his dark pupils reflected the red light.

"Y/N I…" he was looking for something to say as you clenched your fist and withdrew your arm closer to you, your flesh burning with embarrassment after your monologue that somehow sounded like a confession. "You're wrong, about me, about the rule, you… Don't know what it's like. You're liking me only because of that thing, because it's what it makes us do. It makes us blind and fond of the other person. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful-"

"Didn't you love her because of who she was? Sure I felt it, the power of that thing, but it does not affect me further than crazy sensations" you cut him.

"I don't know about that, that's what I was telling you. I'm questioning everything. We don't know anything. What if it just blinds people? She stopped loving me when she was supposed to be the one for me, and she wasn't under the spell, so she was seeing me with neutral eyes. So I don't think that I am like you described, or else why would she leave?" Jooheon doubted, his two eyes fully opened and throwing dozens of wonderings at you.

"If she stopped loving you, then it means she did love you at some point. You just have to accept that feelings come and go, that's the heart's law, not any other. I don't believe that the law influences your feelings that much. It is here to show you who's at the highest rate of compatibility with you, but it does not mean that this person is unquestionably what you'll want in the end. Or else why would there be the heart-line? Or why would there be one-way situations like us? You can find your own perfection as long as you truly appreciate the person" you shrugged his frustration away, extending your arm to pick some pop-corn from the bag in front of you.

"You don't even know me that well. What you think you're liking might be what the law wants you to see" he ignored your remarks because they definitely were marking points.

"Do you hear how absurd you're sounding?" you only questioned him back with one of your eyebrows raising up.

"And you you sound just like me seven months ago…" He then mumbled and turned his face away from you, his eyes peeking out the window.

Your arguments were relatable, as he had delivered exactly the same and had believed in them back when she had left him ; but those countless nights of wonderings and aching had trampled them down and had made him lose faith in their value.

"I can't give you what you're wishing for anyway."

"I don't remember asking for anything?" you scoffed at his stubbornness. "I was just saying that I liked… What's going on here. Just like you said you were having a great time with me, I do too."

You motioned the space between the both of you, earning a curious look from the corner of his eye.

"You clearly seem like you want someone in your life. And you just told me… You liked… Me. But I can't be that man. I won't do better than your previous relationships. I'm a fucking mess, I'll only hurt you, just like I hurt her. I'll do shit without even realizing it. I'm no good, for no one. Thank you for what you said, but as I told you, I know myself better than you do, and I'm not that much of a great guy you described."

"Sounds like you were actually picturing things yourself, using the future tense…" you pointed out with another shrug. "Look, I didn't ask you out, nor did I ask you to like me back. Just accept my compliments and shut it out. You gave me a headache with your bullshit, I'll go to sleep!"

You lied down, your back turned on him and your arms crossed. He had upset your tipsy-self, and you felt embarrassed for having told him everything that had popped out in your mind only for him to turn all of it down with his "I-know-better-than-you-do" ranting. A few seconds later, you felt the other side of the mattress dig under his weight, and you heard a rather loud expiration of air coming out of his nose.

Jooheon's heart was beating incredibly fast, and his whole body was caressed by hot waves. What you had just told him, all those nice things, all that attention, had managed to pull at the strings of his heart when he had closed it to everyone. Moreover, he was somehow thrilled to learn that he was your ideal, because it was nonsense that such a beautiful and interesting girl had him as her standard for a lover. Add to those weird feelings the fact that he felt scared to be actually appreciated by someone, and this cocktail of mixed emotions made him mutter :

"You arrived at the wrong moment."

Had he met you later, once he had been fully "recovered", back onto his feet, he might have been able to really believe you, to take your words into account, to follow you on that road to trust in feelings once again. But he was under a pile of emotional garbage being so heavy, that he was having a hard time sorting it out for him to ever get out. He could see your hand extending to him, but it felt like he could barely reach out to you. However, for the first time in seven months, his guts were constantly vibrating ever since you were together, making him crave to cross the line and see where it would take him, just for a moment.

You rolled on the other side and looked at his broad back detoured by the rays of the moon that were piercing through his opened window and marrying lovingly with the artificial blue light.

"When would have been the right moment?" you asked in a hushed voice, curiosity and anticipation bubbling into your stomach.

"Later. Right now…"

"Right now?"

"Right now… I know what's going on here, but I just can't."

Your heart skipped a beat, and you stopped breathing for a few seconds, so that you wouldn't cut him in his random rant.

"I'm not a good man, right now. Not for you." He pursued.

"That is for me to decide, but once again, I didn't ask you out, I just tried to tell you-"

Jooheon suddenly flipped the other way around, the meeting of his face excruciating you with a renewal of your desire to kiss him, a need you had forgotten about while you had been talking, but that you couldn't ignore anymore. Not after understanding that he, too, felt that something was going on between the both of you.

"I just tried to tell you that I think you're someone worth being loved, in response to what you had said, that's all" you managed to finish between two shaky breaths.

He had had to look back at you to reassure himself that he was making the good choice by shutting his eyes and ears. He had had to look you in the eyes and make you get that he couldn't help being this way, even if he too was getting killed on the inside by his silenced needs to get some affection from a girl after a painful time being on his own. He was craving for your affection, because it was the only thing he knew he was missing now that you had brought him comfort, laughs, joy, peace and a little bit of confidence as your words rang into his head.

However, as your eyes danced between each other's pupils and lips for a little bit too long, you both got consumed by your temptation, and kissed.

You didn't really know who initiated the kiss first, was it you whose hands had found their place in his hair, or him whose bust ended up towering yours. The kiss was soft and slow at first, one deep pressure of your lips against one another, with your noses brushing ; but after retiring for a short time and searching each other's faces for any sign to stop that was obviously nowhere to be found, you soon kissed again more fervently, loud exhales coming from your nostrils and your heads changing angles for a better access.

You didn't know either if that was because of the rule this time, but kissing him became the top one of the favorite things you had ever done in your life. His lips melted against yours, their softness enchanting you as well as how filled they were, not missing any single inch of your mouth. But what was the most enjoyable, was all the chills you got all over again, but they were different from all the previous ones you had went under. Your head was spinning but not in the dizzy-way, more in a euphoric one, as if you were being transported into a time lapse where only you and him existed.

Jooheon felt it too, the magic, as well as the burning of your bodies, especially of your left hand that was lodged against his scalp. Only a few hours ago, he would've never thought that he would be kissing another woman in the bed he had used to share with her. He would've never thought that this would be possible when the day before he had been as depressed as usual and with his gaze looking at everything else but women he somehow despised.

But right now, because it was you, he had stopped thinking for a little while and followed his guts, and it felt good.

At one point, his right hand came to look for your left one, and the contact left you shivering, your life-line scorching but in a pleasing manner. His mouth turned away from yours and he kissed the sensitive spot, his lips reddening before the light, and the sight was utterly beautiful. You contemplated him in awe as he leaned his cheek into your palm, his eyes closed and his brows furrowed, as he was finally thinking back of what you had done all of a sudden.

"Look at how fucked up I am… Telling you A and doing B…" he murmured before hiding his face into your welcoming hand in embarrassment, and you smiled unbeknownst to him.

"Look at how fucked up I am… Liking a man who doesn't want me, again" you half-joked and he snapped his head towards you with a hurt expression painting his face.

"Do you want to make me feel worse? I didn't say-"

"No, I want you to stop thinking about what we're doing, for now, just like I am."

As if your words were similar to a magic formula thrown at him, Jooheon assaulted your lips once more, his hand landing over your head on the pillow and stroking your hair gently. The other went to grab and squeeze your waist as he pushed the kiss deeper, never having enough of it, of you.

"I don't deserve someone like you" he whispered against your lips, taking you with him as he laid on his side.

"Looks like even the law says otherwise" you smiled, passing your hands under his hoodie and top to caress his back.

You heard him hiss between gritted teeth as if you were triggering something powerful inside of him, but to your surprise, he didn't move and only told you with his mouth against the top of your head :

"Let's sleep. I'm exhausted, and for once in a while, I feel like I can finally get a good night of sleep."

                   * * * 

        You woke up to an empty bed and blurry memories of the past night, your brain only flashing you some images of you and Jooheon kissing and cuddling all night long between two dreams, but you were having a hard time remembering what you had exactly said to each other. You just knew, overall, that he was scared of dating again, yet the look he gave you as you entered the kitchen where he had been stirring coffee somehow looked… Enamored.

His sharp eyes literally melted at your sight and so did his heart, a signal that kissing you had just worsened the attraction he had had for you from your first meeting at the bar, and he caught you by surprise when he suddenly approached.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked with a hoarse voice as he stopped a few inches away from you only.

"What about the insomniac?" you interrogated him back, and he smiled fondly.

"I wish I had, but someone couldn't stop kissing or hugging me" he joked, and you rolled your eyes at him.

"As if I was the only one" you tsk-ed, and your heart contracted as he lifted his hands to cease your face and stroke your cheeks.

His hair had softened, the neat hairstyle long gone and letting place to messy strands naturally pulled at the back by his own gesture probably, and with the sun penetrating the room, they were tinted with more intense nuances. His face was glowing, and his body was no longer dissimulated under his hoodie, only for you to see the tank top marrying his well-built silhouette. You were appalled by this unreal vision, because no one should ever look this good after waking up, so you didn't notice how his expression translated the inner conflict he actually was in.

Because from the second he had woken up next to you – or more exactly with you in his arms –, Jooheon had been debating internally about what he was actually supposed to do next. He had spent the best night of his life after a long moment of feeling gloomy at that period of the day, and for the first time since the breakup, his heart was instantly warming up as he was staring at another girl.

He did have a thing for you, and how addictive kissing you had been confirmed it and had worsened it, but even if you had sounded reassuring and pretty convincing, his everyday fears no longer diminished by alcohol had come back at him at full force like a boomerang. It was as if he had taken one step further, but only to stumble two steps back, and he hated how torn he felt.

It was your hand that slid along his waist that shook him out of his somber thoughts, and this single contact put him on fire as well as it made him panic – that eternal battle. Still, the flames of passion won for a few seconds as he suddenly felt the urge not to push you away, but to kiss you, and he did so, with an applied pressure of his mouth against yours, before it went further than a good-morning-kiss and heated up, your arms engulfing him into a tight hug and his fingers suddenly losing themselves into your hair.

What did you make him do…

"I have to go, my colleagues sent me a message telling me we're having a company lunch to close and celebrate my first event… They even have some feedbacks to say to me" you regretted as you pulled back, and the feeling doubled as you saw Jooheon biting his lip.

"Sure, I'll walk you back to the door" he answered calmly, his hands finally leaving your face and freeing it from an intense heat.

"So… See you around?" you wondered as you turned on your heels once in the corridor, and you saw Jooheon gazing at you while leaning against the door frame.

And once again, you could read in his eyes his inner thoughts, telling you once again he was having a hard time bidding you goodbye just like the past night. You anticipated his answer after all the skepticism he had revealed towards the idea of getting too close to a girl ever again, but deep down you hoped that the skinship you had shared might have at least give him some kind of hesitation in your favor.

"See you, definitely." he then worded carefully, his lips turning into a smile that set off a sensation of bliss within your body, making you crave to steal a last kiss from them.

His eyes bore into yours confidently one last time before you parted ways, having been satisfied by his plausible change of mind or, at least, the second chance he was giving you before crossing your name out of his life.

                * * *  

        One week. It took him only one week on his own to fall apart all over again, and to see no happy ending if he kept on meeting you.

He had believed in the last words he had told you with his eyes in yours, because back then, he had truly wished he would see you again soon, the sensation he got from being with you being pretty appealing and every time his eyes were meeting yours, you erased his doubts, only pushing his instinct buttons.

He had talked about you with his friends, who had been even more excited than him to see him finally let himself walk slowly but surely into the arms of a caring and sincere girl.

He had been the first one to message you later in the afternoon that day, and had enjoyed talking to you for days after ; but nothing could beat his anxiety once he was alone at night.

The fight had been feverish, as being pulled between "yes" and "no" was taking the best of him. This lingering hesitation whenever he had answered one of your messages, even when he liked doing so, had then been mostly telling him that he was still lacking confidence in him and in his capacities to start a new relationship serenely. And he couldn't do that to you, he couldn't deceive you and risk to hurt you sooner than what you could imagine.

So before he would have to do that once you would have gotten closer and closer, before things got out of hand, Jooheon decided to retreat without giving the both you a real chance.

You had been talking everyday after the night you had spent together, and it had given you the butterflies every time his name had popped up on your phone's screen. Your conversations were always really interesting, without any flirt being involved, just two people getting along really well to the point they could talk for hours non-stop.

This situation had turned into a constant ray of sun in your gloomy life, and you couldn't wait for your next encounter, without wanting to rush things. You were just wishing to go with the flow and let your feelings and guts take you where they would like you to, because up 'til now, it had worked out pretty well with him. You were so relaxed and confident about the natural unwinding of your relationship, that you had managed not to get too upset when you didn't receive some news from him for three days, telling yourself that he must have been busy or that he had his reasons.

Until you decided to reach out to him again randomly, just because you had been thinking of him.

You [11:19 p.m.] : Eating dumplings while working on my new project, not to make you jealous but look at how appetizing they are – [Picture]

Jooheon [04:04 a.m.] : Hi, I'm sorry that I didn't give you any news during the last few days. I'm pretty aware that this mustn't have been really nice as we've been talking a lot, but I needed some time to think. Right now, I don't think I'm capable of getting engaged in whatever relationship that would get further than what we actually have. I'm not ready to date someone, and I don't want to give you false hopes. I feel this urgent need to run away now that I'm getting closer to you. I'm getting scared, and I can't help questioning my doings. It is still quite hard for me to perfectly explain why, I'm trying to find how to resolve this problem, but this is a pretty difficult task to do. You know the biggest part of it, but I'm truly sorry Y/N, I'm not fixed at all so this won't work. I don't wish for you to understand my sudden change when I've been showing you a confident side of me, but I just didn't want to leave you in the dark. Sorry, again, I know who I am for you but I can't. Take care.

             To be continued....

            A/N :  This is pretty long, I hope you had a great time reading! Part 2 will be more intense, I’m starting to write it!

#monsta x #jooheon #jooheon scenarios #joohoney #lee jooheon #monsta x jooheon #jooheon fanfic #jooheon angst #jooheon fluff #jooheon imagine #monsta x scenarios #monsta x imagines #monsta x fanfic #shownu #wonho #minhyuk #kihyun #hyungwon #changkyun #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines

[babycakesdaydreams]

“Our wagon will be loaded by noon,” Zithsa said. He sat across the table from Kern, passing the egg from his plate onto hers. When he finished, she slipped the beans from her own plate onto his.

“Do we need a wagon?” Kern asked.

“I’m sure that little old dog you’ve got following you will appreciate it,” Zithsa replied with a grin. Kern nodded.

“I keep forgetting how old she’s gotten,” she admitted. The ride from the valley to the little town Zithsa lived in had been less than two days; if they hadn’t had hounds following them on foot, Fandix was certain they could have made it in one.

“A wagon will be nearly as slow,” she mumbled. The nonchalant, easy pace that Kern and the others seemed to be taking this in was beginning to grate her nerves. Waiting for the full moon had been enough of a delay; now they would be waiting half of a day just to get back on the road again.

“If we put J on a horse after the night he had, he’d fall off of it.” Kern poked at her extra eggs with a fork, looking tired.

“Why did you let him drink so much, then?” Fandix grumbled.

“Ah,” Zithsa sighed, “we all deal with the cycle differently.”

“What does that mean?” Fandix asked. She still wasn’t entirely certain what they meant when they said ‘cycle’, though she knew it was directly related to the war brewing back home.

“I’m going to check on J. And the horses.” Kern put the last bite of her breakfast in her mouth before standing. Without a word, Zithsa took her plate and put it under his own.

“Well, I guess they didn’t really tell you anything?” Zithsa asked, eying Fandix from his place across the table. She scooted over, taking the seat Kern had been in.

“They said I had to wait for a full moon,” she growled, “but only after I asked what was taking so long. Then, they told me the gods might not even answer. And when the gods did answer, all Jyonto said was that he was the Healer in the prophecy, and Kern is the General. Sure, I can believe he might be a healer, but Kern? I’ve never met a general who refused to use proper titles like that woman does. And she never explains anything! Shouldn’t a general be willing to explain what’s going on?”

“Are you sure she doesn’t explain anything?” Zithsa asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Kern told me last night you’re a good learner. You picked up how to build a fire by yourself after just one lesson from her, right?”

“Wh-that’s not the same thing!”

“Listen, the thing about Kern is that she…assumes. She’s big on assumptions. If you don’t tell her you’re confused, or she doesn’t see you messing something up, she just assumes you’re able to do it. And if you do mess up, she doesn’t mind. ‘Till you mess up after she gave you a lesson, of course. She’s got no patience for that sort of thing.”

“So, just because I didn’t ask what the cycle is, or why the gods might not answer, or why it only took three people in a six person ceremony… She thinks I just know?”

“Either you know, or you don’t care to know. She’s a woman of few words.”

“And Jyonto?”

“Oh, he’s talkative enough. And friendlier than anyone you’ll meet. He’s just a little distracted at the moment.”

“By the coming cycle?”

“Exactly! See, you’re catching on.”

“Except that I don’t know what the fuck a cycle is!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll start there, then. You really should be getting all this from Kern, but I’ve got nothing else to do anyway.”

“Thanks,” Fandix said sarcastically. Someone finally willing to explain things to her, and he was only doing it out of boredom.

“Once upon a time, a long-ass time ago, the gods fucked up.”

“That’s really how you’re going to start this? With blasphemy?”

“Not blasphemy. Truth. Listen, I’m a blunt kind of guy. You’ll get used to it.”

“Whatever. But if you get struck down for speaking ill of the gods, I don’t want to hear about it.”

“I like your humor.”

“Just get on with it.”

“The universe - and this world - has a purpose. No idea what that purpose is, but it doesn’t matter. That purpose was knocked off-course when the gods made a mistake. I don’t know the details of the mistake, either, but again it isn’t important.”

“How is it not important?”

“It isn’t directly relevant to us. The mistake caused the universe to get caught in a kind of loop. Until that purpose is set back on the right path or whatever, it just keeps resetting itself. That’s happening all over the universe, apparently, but we don’t care about everyone else, do we?”

“Maybe we should?”

“Nah, we don’t. Let’s not turn it into a debate.”

“…Okay.”

“So, the cycle starts when someone shows up in the valley, asking the gods for help in their coming war.”

“Then it started when I showed up?”

“Yes. Though Kern and Jyonto couldn’t be certain it wasn’t just a false start, until whichever god answered your call in that cave.”

“Why did we only need three people?”

“Oh, I don’t pretend to understand dragonkin magic. Kern told me once that the number of people involved in a ritual is what determines the power level of the results. So, I guess, three is the minimum power requirement for reaching the gods on a full moon, in a sacred cave, within a sacred mountain.”

“Fascinating.”

“Eh. Maybe to you. If you want to know more about dragonkin magic, ask Kern. She’s the expert, not me.”

“So, I started the cycle.”

“Yes. And you may or may not make it to the end of that cycle. See, the same general events take place every cycle, with people filling the same general roles. A certain battle, won by a specific decision… A specific missive gets lost on its way to its destination, and so on.

“What changes every time, is whether or not some specific people make it through each cycle. Kern was the first to survive a cycle. There’s a specific event, somewhere in the war, that she survived. Once she survived it, she stopped aging, and basically became unkillable. The only thing that can kill her now is that event, when it happens again this cycle.”

“You expect me to believe she’s unkillable.”

“You can believe whatever you want.”

“If I walked up to her right now, and stuck her with my knife right in the heart, she would survive.”

“No, you wouldn’t be able to stick her with the knife.”

“It isn’t that hard to miss, you know.”

“I’m not saying you’re incompetent - I’m saying that something would stop you. The waitress would trip into her and knock her out of the way of the knife. Your knife would get caught in its scabbard and she would walk out of the room before you figured out what’s wrong. Most likely, she would knock the knife out of your hand and ask you what the fuck your problem is.”

“Divine intervention, then?”

“If that term is what helps you sleep at night.”

“Okay, sure. Let’s pretend I believe you.”

“I don’t really care if you believe me.

“The next person to survive was Jyonto. Kern hasn’t told us how many times she completed the cycle before she helped J survive his special event. But we all know what his event is, so we still know more about J than we do K.”

“He’s centuries old?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, sure. Why not? I’ll believe you.”

“I was next in line. I won’t tell you how many times I went through the cycle before we rescued Calystra, the next person to survive. Last is Gerrod, who survived his event just last cycle.”

“So, you guys relive what is essentially the same war, every few hundred years?”

“Eh, it’s more like every generation or so. This one came on a bit early, but I don’t mind. It’ll speed things up if some of the older people in your army already know us.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it, too.”

“You and your skepticism. You’ll get over it.”

“How many people have to survive their events for the cycles to end?”

“No idea. My running theory is six, since that’s how many people fill up that magic circle you were talking about. Six is the magical number, or whatever.”

“Who’s the sixth?”

“Not a clue. And if Kern knows, she won’t tell us.”

“Why wouldn’t she tell you?”

“Well, I think she did one time. Back on my… second round. She pointed out the Calystra of that cycle - she had a different name, but it started with a C too - and we did everything we could to save her.” Zithsa’s eyes darkened, and he looked away for a moment.

“It didn’t work?”

“Not even a little bit. J took it extremely badly. I didn’t take it so well myself, that failure, but at least I didn’t disappear for three weeks. Kern hasn’t pointed out who we needed to save since.”

“To protect you?”

“I guess. More like, to protect J. He’s a good man, our J, but he gets a little bit closer to people than K and I do. Failures hit him just a little bit harder.”

“And that’s why he got so drunk last night?”

“Yup. And it’s why we let him. I only see J drink like that at the beginning and end of each cycle. Otherwise, he keeps his nose clean. Good man, that. He’ll be back to his normal self by tomorrow morning, so don’t worry about him.”

“You all cope differently, you said.”

“Yup.”

“Jyonto copes by getting disgustingly drunk-”

“Drinking himself to sleep, specifically.”

“And how does Kern cope?”

“Not a clue. She’s secretive, but it’s usually for a good reason. We try not to prod, you know?”

“Sure. And how do you cope?”

“I find the nearest rapists and pedophiles, and I string them up by their intestines.”

“What?”

“Scaring Fandix already, Zithsa?” Kern had approached from the entry, Jyonto just behind her. Jyonto looked much the worse for wear; his eyes were puffy, his face fuzzy, and his clothes wrinkled. Even his hair was a mess, sticking up at odd angles.

“What?” Zithsa asked, eyes wide with innocence. Fandix grimaced. If he was going to lie to her about something like that, then who was to say that anything he’d said was true?

“What’d he say?” Jyonto asked, mumbling. “That he burns rapists alive?”

“Strings them up by their innards,” Fandix said, shuddering at the idea.

“You saying they don’t deserve it?” Zithsa asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m saying that they should be seen to by the law, properly. Not hunted by random strangers and tortured.”

“That’s a debate we can have another day,” Kern said firmly. “For now, I need to get some supplies. If you’re going to provide a wagon, I might as well get those supplies now.”

“Supplies? Like clothes that befit a general in the army? The latest fashions so you don’t look like a grandmother who found a de-aging spell?”

“Weapons and armor,” Kern said, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, that’s taken care of. I sent a request to Gerrod months ago.”

“You knew the cycle was coming months ago?” Kern asked, looking faintly surprised.

“I knew a war was brewing,” Zithsa said with a shrug. “I just assumed it would be one of our wars. And if it weren’t, Gerrod could always sell the weapons and armor to this war.”

“Huh. Well, I do need more modern clothes. And the hounds will need cages, so they don’t always have to run.”

“Of course, of course.” Zithsa stood, turning to Fandix. “Duchess, would you be kind enough to keep an eye on our healer Jyonto, here? He might miss his mouth if he tries to eat.”

Jyonto glared at Zithsa, throwing up a rude gesture that made the other man burst out laughing.

#writeblr #nanowrimo

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Forty-Four: Do Not Tell ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Of Monsters and Men ] [ AO3 Link ]

...she really needs to stop running into this guy! What, is he following her? Stalking her? Keeping tabs on her? Because...to be fair, she ran into some other trouble first.

Though Hinata’s had some close encounters with the other side, as her mother called it, it’s only gotten worse as of late. While she’d see things other humans just...didn’t seem to see, she never reacted to it. Or, she tried not to. It would only draw attention to herself, after all. And that might have gotten her killed.

But now she’s gone and done it. Landing herself into trouble, and then ending up bailed out by none other but one of the most infamous of monster kind: a vampire. And not just a vampire, but one tasked with keeping their kinds - Nightwalkers, as they call themselves - safe from encroaching and curious humans.

Then she’d gone and accidentally used magic on him. Something she’d, admittedly, never done before. She’d never had a chance. Her encounters with monsters had never been so severe as to need it. And before she’d had an opportunity to use it on her actual aggressor, the Enforcer had shown up. As per his laws, the mandates as they call them, he’d tried to drug her, get her to forget...but she’d stopped him. And simultaneously freaked him the hell out, because her kind is to monsters as monsters are to humans: myth.

Hinata is one of few that’s a strange...in-between. Monsters call humans Daywalkers. And they took their own title as Nightwalkers: trapped in mankind’s shadow as they get to enjoy the sun. But she, and others like her, have another name: Hinata is a Twilightwalker. She’s one that exists between the two planes. Not a monster, but not really a human, either.

Because Hyūga Hinata is a witch.

Her mother had been one too...when she was alive. Typically a talent passed only from mother to daughter, magic - as many call it - traveled from Hanako’s veins to Hinata’s.

Once, long ago, the Hyūga had been regarded as powerful miko - shamans who would speak to the gods. It was rumored that they could see the future. But then the miko were ousted, their temples robbed, and their reputations tarnished, forbidden from their arts.

But better than being burned, as many of their western sisters were.

Since then, their bloodline - once tracked and carefully tended - has spread, and thinned. Those with the talent are rare. Hanako had professed to having only partial ability. She would get the occasional headache that would predate a blurred, vague vision. But her skill in foreseeing what was to come was only part of her gift.

Nightwalkers can manipulate what lies within. It’s what gives them their ability to Shift, to change. But witches? Twilightwalkers? They grasp at what lies outside. Elements, usually. But also other beings. Namely Nightwalkers. The old folktales of witches and their familiars were...dumbed down. Glorified. While some monsters would forge contracts and do so willingly...that was rare. Most witches that ordered an inhuman creature did so by force.

And that was exactly how Hinata escaped her memory being fogged.

The vampire - she didn’t even get his name - had been clearly rattled. It had been quite some time since witches - or, in Japan’s mythology, miko - had been anything more than legend to anyone. To him, it was like a human catching sight of him draining another person’s neck. Witchcraft, magic...was just as terrifying and startling to see. Because losing one’s freedom to the will of another is, indeed, a frightening thing.

But he’d let her go, despite being the equivalent of a policeman in his world. She’d broken a law, in technicality: humans aren’t allowed to observe their kinds. But, she supposes she’s not exactly human. Whether or not the mandates were written with her people in mind, Hinata isn’t sure.

It’s been three weeks since that encounter in the alley. The bruises had brought alarm from her roommates at university. She’d told them she’d been mugged, but saved by a policeman. Not...technically a lie. But not the whole truth, either. The more they’d begged for details, the more nervous she’d gotten. Keeping what she knows secret isn’t easy when you’re surrounded by humans most waking moments.

Thankfully the marks faded quickly, and with them, most of the rumors and discussion. She’s been far more careful about her time out and about after dark since then. In fact, it’s practically nonexistent now.

But something always comes up, it seems.

A night out with friends to see a movie after a series of exams has run rather late. And yes, they’re traveling as a pack. But Fate, it seems, just has it out for her.

A crowded station means plenty of bodies. And given Hinata’s short stature and lack of forward action, she gets separated, unnoticed in her absence due to her typically-quiet nature.

When the train pulls away, she’s the only one not on it.

Panic.

True, she can wait for the next one. But now she’s alone, surrounded by strangers. Surely no Nightwalkers will try anything here. It’s too visible, unlike a dark alley. But that doesn’t stop her mind from conjuring horror stories.

“Hey.”

Nearly jumping out of her skin, Hinata barely restrains a screech as a hand finds her shoulder, spinning her around to reveal wide, pale eyes. And what do they meet but a familiar pair of dark irises that look to her cautiously.

It’s him…!

He lifts a finger to his lips. “I saw what happened. If you’d like, I can give you a ride.”

Mind reeling, she automatically retorts, “W-why, so you can try to knock me out again?”

“That’s when I thought you were a Daywalker and a liability. Now I know better.”

“...why do you want to help me?”

“Because you’re the first like you I’ve met, and that makes you valuable.”

Hinata’s nose wrinkles. “...what is that supposed to mean?”

“Look, we can stand here and half-shout at each other in a crowded train station and risk being overheard, or I can start driving you back to your dorm, and you can ask whatever you want in the quiet. Okay?”

She eyes him for a moment, weighing her options. At the very least, she knows she has at least some sway over him. If things get bad, maybe she can order him to stop the car so she can make a run for it. And given that things only seem to be piling up...maybe it’s a good idea to talk to someone who might know more, and be able to tell her what on earth is going on. “...okay.”

He nods, and then leads their way back out to the streets. A sleek black car lets them in, engine purring to life.

“...what’s your name?”

“Uchiha Sasuke,” he replies without hesitation, checking his mirrors to pull out into traffic. “I’m a vampire, as you...probably already guessed.”

“And you’re...an Enforcer? Is that what you called it?”

“Mhm. Think of it like...special police for Nightwalkers.” A glance to her. “...monsters. Vampires, werewolves, harpies...that sort of thing. The man who attacked you was also a vampire. He broke a very strict law, so...I had no choice but to take him down. I thought you were human, and that he’d revealed himself to one. There’s few bigger crimes than that.”

Hinata goes quiet, thinking that over. “...I’m -”

“Hyūga Hinata. I already know. I...did a little digging after I met you. Trying to figure out more about you, and...what you are.”

A suspicious glance is thrown his way. “...and w-what did you find?”

“Not much. You’re an average student, come from an average family. Father, younger sister, deceased mother.” He pauses. “...was she like you?”

“...yes. But not very strong. I...I’d never done that before I met you. I’d never needed to…”

“You caught me by surprise, but still...your power is impressive. Not many are around who know - let alone believe - that those like you exist. I...wasn’t expecting it.”

Realizing her actions likely wounded his pride, Hinata can’t help a hint of a smile. “...I didn’t hurt you.”

“No. And I didn’t hurt you. We just...startled each other.”

“...mhm.” For a moment, she stares out the window. “...so...am I in any trouble…?”

“...not directly. The relationship between Nightwalkers and...your kind has been off and on in the past. But after the shifts in history that scattered us both, any traces of it - good or bad - have been pretty much wiped out. Most of our kinds don’t even believe yours exists. It probably goes without saying, but…” He gives her a pointed look, and Hinata pauses as she finds not black eyes, but crimson. “You do. Not. Tell. Anyone...about what you know about us.”

“O-of course not! Everyone would think I was lying, o-or deranged if I started talking about m-monsters, anyway.”

“I know. But our existence is still precarious. I can’t afford to let anything slip. You’re a stranger - I can’t just trust you...but I guess I don’t have much choice. In return...know I’ll do what I can to help keep you safe. Despite popular belief, we protect humans, too. It’s a balance that has to go both ways. Just...try to stay out of trouble, if you can help it.”

“Believe me, I try. It just...has its ways of finding me.”

“That’s probably because of what you are. There’s not a lot of information left on your kind, but...I get that impression from what little I’ve found. Just be careful. I’ll try to handle the rest.”

It’s then they pull up to the university grounds, Hinata directing them to the proper building. Moving to get out of the car, there’s a pause as he takes her wrist. “...what?”

“...you probably already know this, given what happened to you. But there are dangerous Nightwalkers out there. Most are just as scared of humans as you are of them. They don’t want to be seen. But some...well, they don’t really mind. So if you suspect someone’s...like me, just avoid them. It’s safer that way - for you both. They’re not all as honorable as those of us who serve the Senators.”

Senators…? Before she can ask, Sasuke relinquishes his grip, and she takes that as a sign to leave. “I’ll...keep that in mind.”

He nods. “...be safe out there.”

Hugging herself against the night chill, Hinata watches him go before heading inside. It looks like the others aren’t back yet...she might as well wait.

And start thinking up another alibi.

     Welp, so much for my 'upload before midnight' streak, but...today was kinda long, and a lil stressful. But hey, done is done!      Another Nightwalkers piece! This one a sequel to Day Thirty-Five! Both Hinata and Sasuke have a lot to learn about each other, and what they are. But at least they have a kind of truce...for now. But that might depend on if anyone else discovers Hinata's secret :3c      Anywhoozle, that's all for tonight - thanks for stopping by! And I'll see ya tomorrow, as always~

#uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #sasuhina #of monsters and men [ au ] #365daysofsasuhina

[aryas]

Targ Restoration Rant (aka I made the mistake of venturing into the pro -Targaryen tag & discourse)

"You know nothing, Jon Snow. A true man steals a woman from afar, t'strengthen the clan. Women who bed brothers or fathers or clan kin offend the gods, and are cursed with weak and sickly children. Even monsters." --- Ygritte, ASOS

Clearly, GRRM has never painted Cersei x Jaime or Craster x his daughters in a very favourable light. But suddenly, incest between the 2 good and heroic guys (though the jury is still out on Daenerys) of the story is a-ok? Is it because they are a couple of magic übermenschen and are thus above morality and law of nature? Am I supposed to think GRRM now advocates for incest? But only under certain conditions, only when it involves the special and God-like Targaryens? Why do fans suddenly rejoice about this and wish for a Targ restoration? What kind of fresh hell has this fandom turned into?

[Cut for length]

Their main argument seems to be

Jon and Dany are nephew/aunt which is not considered incest in Westeros so it's all good! No one would bat an eye because even outside the Targs, there are cases of avunculate marriages.

And then they bring up the two known cases; Jonnel x Sansa Stark and Edric x Serena Stark. The former was (probably) a purely political union without issue. The latter did yield heirs but Serena was the daughter of Edric's half brother, so they weren't as closely related (same goes for Sansa, who was Serena's sister and Jonnel's half brother's daughter). Both probably happened for political/practical reasons and to solve major succession issues as Rickon Stark & Jeyne Manderly had two daughters but no male heir.

This comparison is not a very pertinent one because a marriage between Jon & Daenerys would be neither purely political nor practical as they are already involved and supposedly in love. Additionally, what kind of political gain would there be for either of them if we assume Jon's true parentage will be revealed publicly, combined with his ostensible betrayal of bending the knee and falling for a "foreign whore woman" (from the Northern lords' viewpoint), resulting in the loss of his already tenuous hold over the North or the election of another KitN or QitN? Over the last few seasons, the show dropped numerous anvil sized hints about how unwelcome foreign leaders are in the North, especially Targaryens. The Northern lords were already ready to unname Jon because they deemed he'd been away too long. It makes little sense that a Jon x Daenerys marriage would placate them post R+L=J unless they inexplicably decide to suddenly support what would essentially be the restoration of a dynasty they despise. It would also mean R+L=J and Jon's actions in season 7 (i.e bending the knee to a Targaryen, consorting with said Targaryen while being a secret Targaryen himself) would have little to no long-lasting effect and any conflict it caused would be resolved by a marriage that would have happened anyway if Jon had remained Ned's natural son.

Jon wouldn't need Daenerys if he decides to pursue the Iron Throne since his claim trumps hers. What's more, the people of Westeros are more likely to accept him as king of the 7 kingdoms over Daenerys given his Stark blood and the fact that he was raised and groomed for leadership in Westeros. He could potentially have the loyalty and allegiance of the Starks and their bannermen, the Wildlings, the Reach (through Sam), the Iron Islands (through Theon), the Vale (through Sansa and Sweetrobin) and possibly the Riverlands (through his Stark cousins' Tully heritage), in contrast to Dany whose sole remaining Westerosi ally is Jon. If they were to support a Targaryen candidate for the Iron Throne, I think they would favour Jon alone (or you know, married to someone who isn't a Targaryen conqueror).

And while Daenerys could absorb Jon's claim (and potential allies- though again, why would they support Jon x Daenerys over Jon on his own?) and make hers stronger by marrying him, she doesn't need him to lay claim to the 7 kingdoms either, what with her dragons and huge armies. Moreover, an "alliance" - if you can call giving up your kingdom as such - already exists with Jon seemingly having pledged himself to her and Daenerys naming him Warden of the North. She would have been better off marrying someone else to extend or strengthen her control over other regions and territories if there weren't so few candidates left on the show. The most logical way to strike an alliance would have been to marry Jon while he was KitN, pre parentage reveal, but for some obscure reason, the show completely bypassed this option.

But R+L=J turns everything upside down and Jon, once revealed as a trueborn Targaryen, would need to marry into a Northern house if he wants to keep/take back his kingship of the North. Marrying Daenerys would only strengthen his ties to the South and house Targaryen, which would be counterproductive and work against the desired outcome- uniting North & South or two major Houses.

In short, neither party would truly benefit politically from a marriage if Jon's parentage is made public and/or he ultimately loses the North, which is very likely. This is particularly true for Jon. Only Daenerys could somewhat profit from a political union but it would be at the risk of becoming Jon's queen consort in practice if not on paper (something I doubt she would accept) and, more importantly, it would be opening a whole can of worms given the stigma of Targaryen x Targaryen unions.

Because no matter of how (un)common and (un)acceptable avunculate marriages are in the universe of Westeros, Targ restoration fans usually ignore the fact that it wouldn't be just any nephew/aunt, it would be a full Targaryen union, which would have wholly different connotations for the people of Westeros given the fairly recent trauma of their reign. A reign that ended with a mad king whose madness is believed to be hereditary and blamed on generations of close interbreeding. I doubt the people of Westeros would readily accept a Targ power couple back at the helm if they have any say in it.

Plus, Daenerys' first impression didn't exactly help matters: a Targaryen conqueror with huge armies and grown dragons in tow who roasted a father and a son of a prominent House alive and destroyed the last harvest of the Reach in the beginning of winter and unwittingly handed over the greatest weapon of all times to their greatest enemy of all times and indirectly caused the Wall to fall and wants to marry her only other living Targaryen relative, of all people? The sense of déjà vu would be pretty disconcerting, to say the least.

These Pro-Targ fans also tend to dismiss the fact Jon & Daenerys are genetically closer to full siblings than aunts/nephews by claiming modern notions such as DNA conveniently have no bearing in a medieval-fantasy setting such as ASOIAF. In other words, people in-universe wouldn't realise or be bothered that Jon & Daenerys are more closely related (44-47%) than typical nephew/aunt (25%). I think they must have an inkling of the notion and dangers of consanguinity, however basic it may be, if cousin marriages are considered quite normal for the highborn while anything involving more closely related people is frowned upon or downright forbidden. As mentioned previously, even the two known cases of avunculate unions were between uncles and their half nieces, their degree of consanguinity being thus less than that of full uncle/niece and comparable to first cousins (12,5%). So people could at least vaguely understand that Jon & Daenerys share a higher degree of consanguinity than their relatedness would suggest.

All this begs the question; if GRRM wants the restoration of this dynasty and wants us to perceive this as a positive development, wouldn't he aim to improve it and stop the perpetuation of the very proclivity that precipitated their downfall and was at the root of so much suffering in Westeros? Would he "reward" an incestuous and destructive house by having it win out while others are extinct/on the brink of extinction?

If there is supposed to be a Targaryen reinstatement, there has to be a clean break from this dynasty's nefarious characteristics and habits i.e. imperialism, tyranny and incest. What would otherwise be the narrative point of Robert's (very justifiable) Rebellion and everything that unfolded in its aftermath? There should be some kind of progress. Jon & Daenerys, if they decide to take back the IT and get married after the R+L=J reveal, would mean regression. It would be synonymous with more incest, more super inbred and possibly cray-cray Targ heirs and more political (and genetic) isolationism. And with 2 grown dragons/WoMD (if they survive), their reign would equal more subjugation, intimidation and fear for the people of Westeros, even if Jon & Daenerys' initial intentions would be to create a new and better world. In other words, a repeat of everything that was toxic and problematic about the Targaryen dynasty. This scenario seems particularly unlikely when you take the author's personal anti-war/WoMD stance into account.

And lastly, this is what GRRM said about Targcest:

"The Targaryens have heavily interbred, like the Ptolemys of Egypt. As any horse or dog breeder can tell you, interbreeding accentuates both flaws and virtues, and pushes a lineage toward the extremes."

ASOIAF is a meditation on war, power and corruption but it's also a story about extremes --- wights/WW/Ice vs Fire/Daenerys/dragons, the inevitable clash and destruction they bring about and the importance of seeking balance, moderation and finding a middle ground in all things: justice instead of vengeance, sovereignty instead of oppression etc. Even Jon himself is the embodiment of the metaphorical balance between ice and fire. As such, the Targaryens/Targcest can be viewed as another extreme to be avoided. It's the antithesis of "balanced". What he says about accentuating both flaws and virtues is evocative of this famous passage:

"King Jaehaerys once told me that madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a new Targaryen is born, he said, the gods toss the coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land." 

Some Targaryen fans like to think what the coin metaphor refers to is nothing but a myth but I would think the fact the author alludes to it in the above quote kind of refutes this theory. I also happen to think Jon & Daenerys each represent one facet of the coin. This analogy also effectively illustrates how unstable and inconsistent Targaryen rule truly was and could be again. Even if Jon & Daenerys end up being fair and progressive monarchs, what of their inbred children? On which side will the coin land for them? If there is anything Westeros needs after years of war waging, power struggles, political instability and the probably disastrous aftermath of the battle against the Others, it's consistency and stability.

Furthermore, the fact GRRM compares them to the Ptolemaic dynasty is not exactly a ringing endorsement. The Ptolemys were originally from Macedonia/Greece and ruled for close to 300 years over Egypt. Because they never deigned to mix their blood with outsiders and only wed brother/sister and occasionally uncle/niece and cousins, they never actually became Egyptian. Even Cleopatra was genetically Greek. They didn't assimilate with the local people, culture or language (Cleopatra being the only one who bothered to learn the language) and justified their incest by drawing comparison to Greek mythology and thus perceived themselves as Gods. The intermarriages also exacerbated feelings of jealousy and rivalry. Complot and murder within the family were a common occurrence. Aside from a couple of exceptions, they were quite inept rulers and the last +/- 200 years of their reign kind of sucked.

Sounds familiar? In broad strokes, this is pretty much a copy/paste of the history of the Targaryens. Does this sound like something we're supposed to root for? Their reign ended when Egypt submitted to Roman rule. And no, there was no Ptolemaic restoration.

#anti targaryen #anti targaryen restoration #aegony #anti jonerys #incest in asoiaf #anti targcest #fandom wank #jon snow #daenerys targaryen #an aegony political marriage #pre parentage reveal? sure. post parentage reveal? nope #got politics #got meta #parallels with irl history #*mine

[irrepressiblecourage]

What We Shared

This is a Serah/Noel fanfiction I suddenly felt the urge to write. English isn’t my native language, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes I might end up making. Summary: What the two of them shared was real, intimate, beautiful. Their story had been one of adventure, of many trials, of discovery, but above all else, of preparing to dive into each other's soul. Serah found in Noel what being truly alive meant, what letting go and trusting the process of life was all about. She found freedom in him. He found happiness in her. Rating: M Relationship: Serah x Noel Chapter One: There's no one here Her sister's been gone for three years now. No one seems to remember her being there when Cocoon was crystallized and everyone was saved, not even Snow, who actually received his sister-in-law's blessing, seems to recall that actually happening. Serah had never felt so alone as she did in the years that followed the end of life on Cocoon and the construction of settlements on Pulse. Pretty much everyone just assumed that her remembering things incorrectly was yet another side-effect of being made a l'Cie and spending time in a crystal slumber, same as still being able to somewhat use magic after awakening.Except that the others had been in the same situation as her. Snow, Hope, Sazh, even Dajh, they had all been made l'Cie and eventually turned to crystal, although, to be fair, only Dajh spent nearly as much time as her in crystal stasis. Nevertheless, not one of them had any recollection of Lightning being alive after the unleashing of Ragnarok. She tried for God knows how long to reason with her friends, to explain how her memories couldn't have been wrong, how they simply couldn't be just another side-effect of being a fal'Cie pawn, how Lightning had seem to overcome her issues with her wedding, how she even said congratulations to them. But try as she might, no one shared her memories, and time was moving forward, things needed to be done, more urgent matters called for their attention, and soon everyone ended up not having time nor energy to pay attention to Serah's reasoning and sorrow. They needed to find a new place to live, build houses from scratch, take care of provisions, watch over the children, establish some sort of order now that the fal'Cie rule had come to an end. There was no time to wallow on the past, no time for sadness or doubt, and since Serah couldn't bear being a burden to anyone, she soon decided to keep her pain and musings to herself and help on the construction of their brand new home. The first year after the fall had obviously been the hardest and longest. Everything was new, the land, the weather which they couldn't control anymore, the monsters that would show up every single day in the beginning to threaten them and ruin a house or two, and even the people. You can't expect to survive the destruction of your civilization and remain the same person inside. People were scared in the beginning, they had to learn how to fend for themselves, how to depend on each other and not on godly deities. Some were even scared of the former l'Cies, still oblivious to the whole truth behind the events that brought about the destruction of their planet.There were many trials to be overcome, many skills to be learned, and the l'Cie group eventually disbanded. Sazh and Dajh headed for the main town that was being built on the base of the crystal pillar. Hope had decided to remain with Snow, Serah and the rest of the NORA gang at first, helping out at New Bodhun. He was great with science and numbers, a true "geek", as Snow had affectionately called him, and eventually, encouraged by nearly everyone, he decided to move to the main town as well, seeing as someone like him would be extremely valuable in the construction of their new society. After the first year, time seemed to speed up, and things were beginning to look up again. They opened a new cafe where Lebreau was obviously the head chef, cooking the same old NORA special that everyone loved. Snow and Gadot were in charge of security, Maqui was the one taking care of the machinery and Yuj, being your regular jack of all trades, would offer help wherever it was needed. Back on Cocoon, Serah was supposed to get married and go to university in Eden, it was as if her whole future had already been planned and decided for her, but after everything that's happened, for the first time in her life, she found herself lost, without the slightest idea of what she should actually do. It was during one of their weekly meetings that the rest of the NORA members suggested that she took up teaching. "You've always been great with children, and now that the major issues have been taken care of, they need to pick up their studies where they've left off." explained Lebreau, and for a moment Serah was surprised to hear those words. She had never realized she had a knack for dealing with children, but apparently everyone seemed to think so. When she asked for a reason, they simply said that it's because she's always seemed so sweet and caring. That's always been the way everyone perceived her, as a sweet, gentle girl, almost angelic. Back then she was still oblivious as to why that perception seemed to bother her, but she agreed to take responsibility for the children's education nonetheless. She was undeniably good with them, and even though sometimes she would have to deal with the ever annoying "meanie miss Farron" chanting, she actually ended up loving taking care of them. So many issues had demanded their attention in the past years that the idea of getting married seemed to have completely vanished from Snow's mind. He had always enjoyed being the leader, making himself useful and becoming a hero to those in need, and the perfect opportunity had presented itself when Cocoon had ended. For Serah, however, that wasn't the case. Sure, she had been worried about their situation and the future of humanity, and for a while the idea of marriage had to be postponed. But now it's been nearly three years, everyone was doing fine, they had a new place to call home and people seemed to have accepted their new lifestyle, so what was standing in the way? She couldn't help but wonder, and the question was a persistent one, presenting itself daily, especially during dinner time, when every NORA member would gather together at their house to share a meal. Snow would always sit at the head of the table and ramble on and on about the major events that happened that day during one of his and Gadot's adventures. They always sat close to each other, and sometimes they would exchange looks and smiles while he put his hand on hers, but that was all. Then the whole gang would help clean things up, talk some more and eventually everyone would go to bed. For some reason, Snow and her slept in separate rooms, despite having actually slept together several times back when they lived in Cocoon. At the beginning she shared the smaller bedroom of the house with Lebreau, whereas the four guys got the bigger one for themselves, but she had always assumed that would be temporary, that eventually Snow and her would get married and move to their own little house. That, of course, never happened.Every morning before work they would talk over breakfast. Snow usually left earlier, so their conversations were often rushed, with him getting off his chair saying "well, duty calls", kissing her on the forehead and yelling at Gadot for taking too long to get ready.Everything seemed fine on the outside, and yet nothing really was. People seemed to be doing okay, to be enjoying their new lives, and a small part of her was actually happy that things turned out well for everyone. But most of the time Serah felt confused and alone, constantly asking herself how she could keep on living this lie, how she could bring herself to carry on when her sister wasn't there, especially after all that Lightning had done for her. It usually didn’t take long for the guilt to show its ugly face too, making her see herself as a horrible selfish person. She knew she should be thankful that she had survived, that they all had been granted a miracle and a second chance at life, and that was precisely why she was always seen smiling, why she was always kind and sweet to everyone. She had long given up on bothering everyone else with her problems, it seemed to be easier that way, seemed to be the mature thing to do. Eventually Snow must've picked up on what was going on inside her mind and heart, for one day, out of the blue, he called her out to the pier they all had built nearly three years ago, just like the original one they had in Bodhum. "I know you've been miserable, and I know you've been trying to hide it for quite a while now." he said, looking her straight in the eyes. He was still wearing his trademark bandana, and the breeze coming from the sea played softly with the loose strands of his hair. "Yes, and you probably already know why I feel that way, and you know there really isn't anything that can be done about it. Things have finally begun to look up again, I don't want to ruin what we've worked so hard to build." "You've always been like that, Serah, always putting everyone else's needs before your very own, and I admire that in you, truly, I do. But if you keep that up for too long, especially under the current circumstances, you'll break eventually." His eyes were full of concern, and she knew he spoke the truth. She knew how dangerous it could be to suppress your feelings for too long. Yet she couldn't bring herself to let everyone know that she still hadn't given up on Lightning, that she still believed her sister was alive somewhere. "I'll be fine. I've got you and everyone else by my side. There's nothing to worry about." She forced a smile, a bright one at that. They were her own trademark, though since the fall of Cocoon, most of them had been fake. She had become so good at faking smiles that no one could tell the real from the fake ones, not even her fiancé."I know you will, that's why I've come to talk to you. I'm leaving, Serah." Well, as professional as she might be, no smile could've survived that. Her eyes widened. "Excuse me?" Leaving to do what, exactly? Leaving on another hunting mission with Gadot and the boys? Leaving the town for a few days? Leaving her for good? "I'm leaving to try to find Lightning." he quickly explained, seeing her shocked expression."Lightning? But isn't she in the crystal pillar with Fang and Vanille? You and everyone else kept telling me that for the past three years." Anger was beginning to stir inside her. What is this all of a sudden? Three years telling her to accept her sister's "death", and now he's decided to actually believe her? "Yes, but I can't bear to see you like miserable like that. I have to do something to fix it, to make you happy again. Besides, I can't seem to be able to shake the feeling that something about this whole story stinks. I want to get to the bottom of this, and bring Lightning back safe and sound to you." "All right, I'm going with you then." "I'm sorry Serah, but there's no way I'm letting you risk your life like that. Pulse is still a dangerous place outside the settlements, you weren't with us when we explored it as l'Cie. There are vicious beasts pretty much everywhere. I couldn't bear to lose you". Ah nice. The famous "you weren't with us so you don't know what it's like" argument. She had heard her fair share of those in the three years that followed his adventure with Lightning and the others. Sure, she didn't know what the rest of Gran Pulse was like, but she could still take care of herself. Didn't she help in the building of their own town? Didn't she help everyone find and distribute provisions? Hadn't she already proved her usefulness, if not to everyone else, at least to her own fiancé? Snow went on. "No, you stay here and watch over everyone. Be a leader in my place and keep them in line, will you?" he joked. "Besides, the children would miss you, too. You're doing so well with them, I can tell they practically adore you". His hands reached for the back of his neck and he took his engagement necklace and placed it in her hands. Now she was really confused. "Here, you hold on to this for a while. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I lost it. I promise I'll be back as soon as possible. Gadot and the others are helping me pack. I'm leaving tonight." he hugged her tight, the way he always used to. Tears were beginning to come forth, and her vision was blurred, but she tried her hardest to control herself. She didn't want to come undone in front of him, didn't want to give him or anyone else any more reason to worry about her. That ways six months ago. In three years, everyone had left her. For a split second after awakening from crystal slumber, she thought she had everything. Her sister, her fiancé, her friends. Now nearly all of them left. They all went away, one way or another, to live their adventures. And she was left there, waiting. Waiting for news of Snow. Waiting for her sister to come back from wherever she was. Waiting for a visit from Hope or Sazh. But none of them ever came. The one who actually came was someone new. Someone she wasn't expecting. But in the end, he turned out to be exactly what she needed.

#serah farron #noel kreiss #noerah #final fantasy #final fantasy xiii #final fantasy xiii-2 #fanfiction #noerah fanfiction #serah x noel #noel x serah #noel/serah #serah/noel #romance

[stringsofstarlight]

An oldie yet goodie, some still needs to happen, some a bit more challenging, and others soon to be or happening.       11/19/18 edit: “we belong” pat benatar    Marshall McCluhan published posthumously the tetrad of media effects.  I offer this letter as a retrieval of the past in order to reverse our course of history.    The Tetrad takes any medium or media, then applies these questions as ground qualities:  retrieval then reversal  &  enhancement then obsolescence.     See tetrad of media effects

  The contract signing with Universal and a need to clarify retrograde messages previously implored me to write the 13th letter.    The precedent that has been set by Taylor Swift, the artist,  eventually owning her own content is so huge, it is going to take so many years for everyone to see that this was the beginning of a new way of treating creators and their creations.   Ms. Taylor Swift is a trailblazer on so many fronts that few wild frontiers will be eventually left to tame when her life’s work is done.    Way to step up “walking the talk” and make a real deal shift of the tectonic orders of magnitude right in the “here now”.   No future maybe or mights—a torch of liberty held aloft for those that can see its warm glow, thousands of lumens strong for the Artist and their children’s children.   The change you  made is a huge systematic shift, it will only be a few months before someone else asks for their masters.    It will take many years but this contract, this payment clause, this……..yeah, great work for the whole of humanity.    Literally, a move going back centuries upon centuries of artists, performers, and creatives who have prostrated themselves to the whims of the Kings of currency, from whom performance was demanded in exchange for livelihood.   It really is that Big--to comment on systematic change in the 1st political post last month and then drop a huge actual real, live example of political economy and structural change to the very system being called out.  Hecks Yeah!!   I see someone following through with such conviction, heart, and broadest of world changing visions.   Every time I think that you can’t top the last time in big, big movements that must happen for world planetary change—nope…...even bigger, even more prescient, even more important…Count Me In!!

     Congratulations on the very caring yet wily move to get the hundreds of millions in ironclad guarantees to artists for the future on the Spotify clause.      These guarantees are a such a positive shift in the Spotify sale structure and leeway that the label can take with the artists.   I have done a crash course on how recoupable income, royalties, and the like— had little knowledge but now tiny bit more.   It really surprised me how many 90% do not get back to a positive balance with the Company.    It is very interesting because it is the same percentage of traders who make it in the markets over the longer term of  5-10 years.    As a business owner, I know the importance of working cash flow—a no strings attached dividend from  “contributions” like this can help to transform an artist’s current situation or feel more connected with the new digital reality.   Think of the good feelings that have resonated outward from the multitude of artist who have a bankable guarantee in the future.    All of that new creativity unleashed by release valve on the economic pressure cooker.       The actions done in isolation from the “masters” guarantee  would represent a major shift especially since it benefits everyone along the pipeline.     Both of these events at the same time baffle the awesome meter so high that there just really isn’t a reading for this humongous mountain of good.    By law of large numbers these tectonic shifts have a name, as singular events, they would have represented a super life affirming “magical” outcome yet done at the same time, the odds become staggeringly impossible to which the angels call it a “miracle”.      The series of miraculous happenings that drop that kernel of sand to land in the oyster to eventually create the finest of natural pearls.    The missing ingredient is Time—in the Mayan time keeping, the year 2012 was the beginning of the movement back to the natural time frequency of 13:20.  A thirteen moon vision of the mulitverse including our localize construction of time and space+.   The Higgs-Boson “god(dess) particle” was found at Cern in the year 2012 and confirmed the existence of at least 11 dimensions.   The Caticorn Chronicle picks up some threads that happened during this occurrence and the previous attempts to start the accelerator.    It shows the movement of their world to ours via the machines and other natural phenomena.   The natural time frequency moves the old paradigm:  Time X Energy =  Money to a  new construction:  Time X Energy = Art.    The freedom of artistic expression and ownership of the work by the artist themselves, while they are alive, is a rarity you have now helped to become the normative nature of how we will work together to see a commonality that can still be profitable for all parties involved.  Art as a living structure for a life’s expression operating in a mutually beneficial manner.    The energy needed to ensure the shift is lasting for the future has been initiated by your sequence of actions.     Once again, innumerable thanks to you for all of this and the millions you touched this Stadium Tour.    

      The insight and clarity on the nature of reality, my purpose on this planet, and the things that make my dreams come alive are found when I see you in my minds eye and heart.    It is this beneficent soft personage nudging me to go for it, try just a little harder to see that vision come to life.     I always dreamed of making music and writing down all of the stories, ideas, and what I now know to be lyrics that pop in my head.   I would consider it the highest honor and pleasure to spend any amount of minutes in this life with Taylor Swift.   I love being a detective of jewelry, minerals, and even new to be piqued interests---an open, curious mind figuring out all of the stuff everyone else thought was impossible to deal with .    Finding out the provenance, imagining who wore and what they wore, and asking oneself how many intricate, amazing stories these pieces would tell.    Gold may be what I find and the currency that I use most yet that is only one little aspect of the true story I wish to tell.   I found in you the true gold, a soul who shared her whole self and has the awareness to see the importance of her role in greater society.     This is like the most attractive and sexy thing a grown ass man like myself could every imagine in such a caring and beautiful vision of life .   I see the thousands of artists who will directly be involved in just one decision alone with Spotify.     Vote.org logged tens of thousands of voters registrations increases.  I see how major conservative publications were very rattled about the political moves.    Rightly so because what I found is that the Swifties are one big, caring, sharing family and you can’t mess with that kind of bond.       The biggest acts in the history of music have fought to get their masters in their own control—you did it.    I mean, this is like world changing stuff—this is so exciting and interesting to me.   I feel like I could talk for hours upon hours and never even know a minute went by—sitting in rapt enjoyment of this genius woman and her vast understanding of the world.    I have always seen visions on this kind of scale the way you flow in and out it is just marvelous to watch.       I rose one day to find an intellect, a soul so deep that for the first time my curiosity and longing in life had found an inspiration, a spark to jumpstart James to action.    Some may call this love yet these words describe what is so vast, so specially entangled down to the finest of neurons looking to create new bundles of caring reflections and spacial connections.  It is like the most ironic thing that your whole album and tour is about this and here I am months of letter writing in having a mini breakdown.    It is really hard to explain, having a parent with mental illness makes you react to certain stimuli on mental health oddly sometimes.   This is why I seemingly have run away to hide in the Cascades.     To be honest, I have not ever put myself out on a limb like this before and at the same time I feel more alive about life than ever.    The writings are the first time I have written other than a letter to a friend and have only written two business plans plus  an avid technical analyst for commodity charting, plus really good picking stocks to “break”.   Thank you for this opportunity to find my voice and let those pieces of inspired words set themselves free.    For too long I’ve held them inside without a way to tend them in the proper way.     I usually  prefer working to hold real items in my local economy to bolster it as much as possible.  The scale of how you weave just literally makes me just shake my head in amazement and nod one of those “damn yeah” nods.  To see you just kicking some butt every other week—just straight up humbling to me.    It would make my world  if I were able to help out in any way to offer insight.     I just want to support you in any way possible.    I will move anywhere or change my life to be part of yours—just to be perfectly clear.    I am a humble guy and will keep on kicking out some heaps of good.    Thanks for everything!!!!!!!

                           “And then you say     I want you for worse or for better       I would wait for ever and ever     Broke your heart, I'll put it back together          I would wait for ever and ever”          “how you get the girl”………….

      You are an inspiration and a one of the most beautiful souls on this planet.   I will relish the day that our paths may cross again.   Until that time I offer these insights upon meditating on the beneficent vision of you with the floral top in the huji filter pre Arlington shows.    This soft vision comes as a friendly reminder to give it our best and push on through.    Love doesn’t take numbers.  

    eternal love,

james

[mercydix]

history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

#very long post #long post #history of the entire world i guess #history of the entire world #bill wurtz #video transcription #i only did the words no sound effects #hotewig #youtube #meme #quote #i don't usually tag for visibility but i think this deserves a couple likes at least #its only like 4500 words #quote this

[1-800-444-tune]

New Moon is going to be according to my status calculations on my app on my Windows tablet , at 3: 41am on the 6th of March, coming up, in zodiac sidereal for the New Moon is Aquarius. Predictions and more details to be posted later this week as I gather evidence and write my article.

Anybody looking to make a donation today!? To a good cause: getting a new astrology program software that I can run and get your natal charts faster and easier than anywhere on the Web, and far more accurate and without the privacy invasion? Well then , help me to buy this new galaxy gear I need to do astraunomer like working with the Stars and Moon's in your Sun🔔Signs Charting Birth Chart Analysis included, I will decipher the information for you, your going to love it if we can just make it to the mark of being able to afford it!! $$$ come on guys I know that cafe astrology. Com steals your birth information and uses it right? So does any other site no matter how legit they seem, if your serious about astrology and do not want a hex or curse put on you or a super privacy invasion issue, then DONATE PLEASE TO MY COMPANY I CREATED A BUSINESS PROFILE PORTFOLIO FOR MY ONLINE ASTRO+TAROT-GUIDANCE IT'S THE BEST BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED, YOU ARE TOTALLY MISSING OUT IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW ME AND GET READINGS OR REPORTS OF ASTROLOGY as nd numerology daily , weekly, even, monthly, because I have a wealth of great accurate source divine informative details you need to know NOW about your life! You just might be headed in the wrong direction astrologically or maybe your barcodes of your life aren't adding up and we need to subtract? That's numerology! And also my tarot reliable Readings are something you just should not be missing out on ,

I have totally stopped posting the free daily and weekly horoscopes did you notice?

That's because I do not feel like I should be giving out my great divine guidance fir free anymore, I'm feeling used and over worked, also

I only post the daily card of the day for tarot then a few other specials daily, and weekly but everything else I am currently putting on hold until I can at least afford some damn toilet paper. Because I just am not dealing with helping out a bunch of people with their super important questions for free when I do not get help myself for the things I truly need, don't you think my not having fucking toilet paper is a little bit more of an emergency than whether your boyfriend or non boyfriend likes you and you're truly actually meant to be with them, I have to apologize in advance if I seem like I'm being selfish, or rude. Please, I intend to not do any harm by bringing up this fact. Only voicing that I too, have maybe, maybe just maybe, bigger problems than your issues that I think are pure selfish things st this moment in time I'm real sorry that I do feel this way, maybe being broke has made me bitter a tad ... I don't know, cause I used to always go out of my way to assist anybody even if I did not know them, and I'd concentrate on their problems more than mine always focusing on helping others instead of helping myself, now I am purely from the heart, just reaching out for just some compassionate, you do not have to donate much just 3$ or more would get me through the day, 10$ could get me the toilet paper plus my dignity. Today. So if you feel like helping a lost soul out here in the Galaxy.

My paypal account for the company business I just trying to start up now is at this address: www.paypal.com/4tunef8

Hey everyone I just want to say I care deeply about each and every tumblr blogger on here, and I sincerely hope the best for you always, and right now I am doing little candle prayer magik to send you all some healing and luck , and if you do decide to donate, just simply write to my ask box your about you donated and I will be doing a super special ritual tonight (for another reason, personal worship) but I will include your name personally into my piece , and you will truly I swear notice something great happen to you by the time of the New Moon, on the 6th like I wrote at the top of this post

I really actually did not intend for this post to get so long or go on about my personal issue, also I'd like to remind you not to judge a book by its cover, I have huge medical bills and current legal fees that I am trying so very hard to keep up with, this is a really really hard time for me, personally I am not even wanting the morning to come when I go to bed at night. I feel borderline suicidal, if that isn't hard times, I don't know what is... and I'm not even looking for sympathy, or anyone to feel anything towards me except knowing my strength of how far I've come and acknowledgement for this strength that I, an unpredictably unstable mentally ill woman of faith, have come so far from where I used to be and made it through my spiritual awakening which I thought was truly the end of the world it was doomsday dread style scary shit ! But I made it out alive! And now I am a much more magical person because I'm so blessed with my true path of destiney realised again this issue feelings of wehen I was a young teenager, it's like I get to start fresh as new beginning, I actually got a real second chance at life, because if you knew me really knew me, you'd know, that, I had strayed off the great path and was walking along a fine line where I was in constant danger daily. Hourly. I was always in harms way, just on the darkest side of life, depressed and not living for myself at all. I was not trusting my intuition, I was being abused and bullied all the time. And that constant abuse tore holes through my personality and literally metaphorically emotionally ripped me right apart inside and out. I was such a mess I hit rock bottom anxiety struck me harsh but it was good for me in the end because at rock bottom, you have no other choice but to rise up from where you currently are, it's such a true realization, but the main thing is I had gotten better from the abuse, and left finally the abusive relationship and all the other abusive people in my life because as I was going up n up no choice but up, I was gradually actually slipping into my divine timed spiritual awakening which shook my world.

My journey to progression and eventually getting back onto my rightful birth path, my destiny too, this all started my spiritual awakening and shifts in consciousness, I was truly blessed to be cursed at this time. It all started when I went to the homeless shelter in april 2018, just before my birthday it's like surreal how it was all so planned out like this, it's crazy, if you guys only knew the whole entire story of what I have gone through and the truly horrific events that I now realised were all tests, and lessons, and that's my favorite way to look at my very abusive past and the unfortunate circumstances that wound me up a homeless addict on the streets of cities I dwelled in for times that seemed so rough and brutal I thought the pain would never end. Addiction can happen to anybody. But this is something that I actually feel in my soul that I was supposed to, meant to, go through. To realize some things, I had to experience this hard lifestyle. For me to eventually get to a place of gratitude and humility and to actually drop all my selfish ways and have more compassion, and learn that I am meant to have these traits because I am a great healer. In my community I live in currently, a lot of them know my past but do not judge me one bit, they all truly appreciate my free community services that I provide for those in need, they are all suffering from mental health issues and I am treating them (not so much their mental condition but other problems they have at home or with their body) . I am really good at working with herbs, spices, and essential oils. I make and invent cures to almost anything! And I have a biig book of herbal remedies that I, myself , have invented or have found online and then tweaked the recipe to bed much better!! This is volume. 001.2 of my Book Of Shadows. I have written so very many books about magik and the laws of the universe. I cherish my sacred personal theories and extensive wealth of knowledge I have collected. I'm just good at organizing this shit for some reason. If I wasn't so private of a person and afraid of people stealing my information without my consent then I would gladly post more of this type of stuff then I already have,in this blog and my other one which is personally a better one.

Anyways, now you know where I stand, where I come from a little bit.

I really really hope that somebody will take the time to donate to me this day so that I may be I can feel better and like somebody actually cares. I have over spent to the max on credit cards with online shopping, and shipping all kinda of witchy trinkets and necessities, the basics, I am stuck with a huge credit card bill, and I have my boyfriends credit card that I did not know until yesterday, but, he put everything to be on me. He totally used my Health Card and SIN # TO GET WHATEVER HE WANTED BUYING SHUT ONLINE AND SHIPPING TECH STUFF TO HIS FRIEND! I feel like I got scammed and I'm damned or something !! Not only am going to be suffering from PTSD and anxiety around men forever, because of this selfish Identity use basically total FRAUD, I AM NOW stuck in a bad position and with a bill and now the worst part is that I am actually facing federal prison because of some of the activity he did while assuming my identity ?.. thanks ?

I feel very very stupid, I feel like a total idiot for listening to my ex-commonlaw boyfriend, I'm glad I just decided to give him literally all of the furniture and all the shit we owned. It makes me feel less guilty about all the negative emotions I have towards him. I know it does not make it right but it does help believe it or not, because J eventually end up thinking about it as a positive .

If you have at least got this far through this rambling write up post , then congratulations, sincerely- thankyou for listening !

You are amazing

You have a purpose

Find your destiny

☆you're made of star stuff, you're a star!

You are perfectly imperfect

Your magic is valid

No matter who you are or how experienced you are in Pagan Tradition /Wicca and Witchcraft/The Occult or any related subjects and interests in lifestyle choices, your magic is valid! It doesn't matter if you JUST decided to become a witch TODAY or 5 minutes ago, that title is yours to hold onto and have forever or for as long as you decide!

Everybody is special!

Everyone is worth it!

Nobody deserves to be bullied or told they are wrong for what they believe in, simply , everyone's path is unique and it's just not four to critic anybody for the path they are choosing! There's a lot of confused witchlings baby witches and some bullying religious type overgrown babies out there. I think everyone should just have a little more like a lot more respect , because it can be intimidating to anybody who wants to share their opinions that they might feel are good ideas but are second guessing the post they want to make based on fear around the way some communities are reacting and trying to police these people's opinions. As far as I know this blog site was actually created to actually share your opinions without judgement and harsh exchange of words based on the content context. I can relate to this oppression. I feel as if not only does it sometimes the fear of rejection stop me from posting but also I have a big fear of being hated on for a lengthy and slightly random post I write it then I delete it right away. It's just that I actually have severe symptoms of A.D.D that my doctor is not currently helping me to treat, so I can get a bit off track sometimes, and my subjects vary like for example in my main post it starts as a simple astro galactic observations post, my starting of this post I just realize was about the New Moon . Then I started talking about my software that I cannot afford and then i went on to talk about my emergency thats actually bothering me even more , the fact that i cannot wipe my ass today and i do not live near any restursnts or anywhrr literally that has toilet paper availible in their washroom or else id just go to McDonalds and use theur washroom, simple as that...but not availible sorry, and now that im still rambling ans have your attention i have an offer actually for some people that do donate, I'd like people to donate towards so that I can provide a few lucky people with

Free Natal Astral Chart plus some informative explanations about your planetary alignments with accurate predictions to your life. I could eventually provide a much more accurate source of information in my reports than I do with this program I'm running off my laptop as of right now, but currently if you'd like a real actual Astrologer like produced Natal Chart , I am calling everyone to donate to this account here www.paypal.com/4tunef8 and let me know in my ask box that you have donated to my space cosmos exploration programming software .

This is getting way too long I know, but if you really did actually read some of this message at least the good parts, then please share my link to my paypal in your blog with a short excerpt on why they should donate to me , my cause, my business (just started) , and also donate to the astraunomer cosmos Explorer Division Technology that I am so very excited about but I know I have way bigger problem,than, that, but I just wanted to give you guys an idea if what I can do for you. We can make a trade? Please!? To dedicate my time and efforts to assisting every one with their issues gives me great joy, I just love to be useful, and a helping healing hand to any literally anybody , and so ooo much of my days are spent spending my hard earned money on others . To make them that herbal remedy for their skin they truly need because every skincare product on the market is littered with toxic shit that causes bad reactions and the treatments for acne I make that I've invented do not infect or irritate the skin, so they need me, and they cannot afford this 290$ treatment but I actually spend MY money each month just to get the satisfaction of doing the right thing as nd also satisfaction that my products produce results that are beyond what I ever expected of them, sometimes I need a confidence booster and this once a month or twice sometimes, spending I do to make and create this great acne treatment that's herbal and more of a holistic approach.

My greatest flaw right now is not my addiction or the abuse I'm going through anymore, I don't live on the streets (yet) have a pretty decent apartment but my greatest flaw is helping people if that can even be a flaw? It is though, I have so many many more examples of times during the month that I am called up "hey witch doctor, we got a problem, are you free?"

I am on paranormal investigating teams in surrounding communities as well, this takes out so much energy, time, and yes, you guessed it, money !!

Anyways again I am actually going to close this rant ramble weird thoughts flowing from my mentally ill mind.

I truly truly hope that somebody, just 1 person even, does decide to care enough about me , a poor lost soul, to donate some about, it's all up to you, I'm not putting any rules and I just am not one to tell people what to do or how to spend their hard earned dollars or anything like I do not push ideas onto people, I'm just not like that, I totally believe in freedom for all, I don't wish for world peace at night because I know that that isn't possible, there's some cultures that just do not mix and a lot of cultures prefer to stick to their own and that's great because how else would the culture survive and the traditions live on to the next generations if they were mixed with a bunch of other cultures and lost their true identities as a nation , that would be sort of sad in a way, but I'm really not properly medicated and should not even maybe be observational posting about this when in not well in the mind fully yet this day. But a donation will help me to wipe my ass and that's my main goal.

Kk,baiii, don't hate, just donate #freefaeona #donation #astrology #worldwide #tarotreading

Ps: Actually ANYBODY that donates me more than 10$ today and the rest of the week too, I have an offer, I will do a FREE TAROT READING OF 3 FREE QUESTIONS FOR YOU, BECAUSE I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!!

And anybody that shares my link to my paypal explaining that I'm giving free tarot Readings to anyone that's gunna donate! I will give you a YEARS HOROSCOPE OUTLOOK, BASED ON MY VERY ACCURATE SOURCES OF GENERATED HOROSCOPES I RECIEVE THEY'RE THE SAME ONES I USED TO POST ON HERE SO YOU KNOW THEY'RE GUNNA BE GOOD, THEN

Anybody that donates and says it's towards my astro-cosmos software, I'll do up a FREE ABSOLUTELY, JUST THE COST OF YOUR DONATION, I'LL DO YOUR NATAL BIRTH CHART FOR YOU, WITH THE SEMIPRO PROGRAM I HAVE RIGHT NOW,

So there's my offers and anybody that blogs about these offers and tags me in them, is just an amazing person and gets the luckiest prize of all, they get entered into a draw to win a free natal chart birth chart wow yeah and and and I'm gunna give an astrology reading to you very reliable accurate information details you will WANT TO KNOW!!

#medical bill help #self help #help #send help #i need help #zodiac tarot #tarot cards #tarot spreads #tarot community #tarot #tarotreading #free tarot readings #free stuff #free tarot #freedom #freepeople #wirchcraft #witchy #witch #witches #green witch #kitchen witch #witch community #witchblr #celtic pagan #pagan witch #pagan wicca #paganism #faerie

[rubendrabagdash-blog]

HUMANITY "Exist when you fathom Thyself"

"LIFE WOULD TURNED EASIER WHEN YOU START TO UNDERSTAND THYSELF RATHER THAN COMPREHENDING WHAT SYSTEM IS TELLING YOU TO" (*World would be Better place*) Actually life so simple ain't it? We take birth & grow naturally Just like the seed of trees and plant We are sown in different place of a huge garden(Earth). Some may be placed at the top of hill some may be down the low on foot hills, some may receive higher intensity of sunlight some may receive Rain and vice versa... Which shaped them and their physique and colour but at the end What matter is either you blossom or not? What fruit you bear? How it taste? So it's to fragile and stupidity to feel one superior than other. We come here with a consent of love. They let you come with heart full of love. Just like Sun your father would be there to light you.. Just like moon your mother would be there to nurture you. Water in the form of love To quench your thirst. Don't you forget within you, Just like in mother nature Rivers flow in the form of bloods through your veins. Your mind is just like the galaxies Where thoughts keeps on blinking Just like lights thats blinks in an universe. That's is why you become what you think at the end of day. Just like in galaxies when two light or an energy strikes and one new energy or the light is created. You are that energy: you are that light. You are sparks.!!! You are here to ignite this world. Don't let some force to irradiate you to reduce your sparks. Well every individual is nature itself. All we need is little food to survive. Naturally we would know what we have to do in order to survive as we grow up. We follow principles just like Nature follow law of universe. Our family and people who had engulfed us start to teach us Good habit, to respect, to read, to write but we start to think automatically, we start to taste things naturally, smell and yes to listen accurately. It happen naturally right? Nobody need to taught us how to taste, to hear, to smell. We go same old school carrying Bag full of book, load which we couldn't able to handle well. At very early age the weight of the bag deciphered the weight of this world and hurdles of it. Right form the beginning we are bounded by system. Which we need to follow. Just few days back while I was discussing about Homeo corpus(Human). My fren told me that we are only species in this whole world who have to pay money in order to survive to live. For a while it made me me feel fuck. Yes it's insane!! But as I ponder over and over again I penance that human is only one species who got neo cortex someone who can think and He is most civilised among all. Its because May be he lived in a system. Which make him more advanced then any other species. Than I realize system might be imperative to manage this whole wide world. Just imagine how one manager would manage huge shopping Mall if there is no set of algorithm? Similarly imagine how people would react if there would be no rules and principles. So in someway we are intend to stay within some horizon we need to rely on principle. But "To let the system to overpower you is like letting the hurricane to blow you wherever it want"... We are following system since long. Remember there was a time when people used to say tuberculosis is contagious and even my mother used to alert me to stay away from those people who are infected with such disease but later on we realised its not contagious. Actually the things is if we don't have proper knowledge about something we would believe and follow it blindly what someone is detecting to us. That's what happening here in this world. We are bound to follow what is appearing in our way... We seek for happiness... We go to pubs to have good time? We takes drugs just to pass time.. You roam around with 10 girls and vice versa... People get drunk to make memories to have good time But forget to make memories being fresh.. Do you really feel alive from within? Do you think you are here just to have good time? We just follow what everyone else is doing right from the beginning we are only taught to learn what is happening around us. Just to follow footsteps of other. We often hear "Happiness start within you" We read motivational books we watch motivational videos to motivates ourselves but still at the end you lack in so many things. We follow different kind of religions to keep ourself spirutally strong. Still we don't feel serenity at all. All we say is this world is degrading and has been endangered which is just an excuse. Life seem mess and Hard....Why? It's just because we are just following what other person is saying or the system is telling us to follow. Forgetting who we really are.?? We aren't remote controller car dear? We are here to devise to know ourself to ignite. But its vulnerable to see people being controlled by remote of system of different kind like.. Acquiring power, wealth, greed etc... Nowadays; we are more captivated to devilish things. It fascinates us more than anything. I have seen good guys gone bad and crazy not because he wilt to be but because he couldn't control himself over the hurricane. That devilish wind shut down the flames which he/she were giften with. We know so many things; we carry the world in our hand; we have different kind of knowledge but do you really know who you are? Do you really think you need such motivation from other to tell you to do something? Have you lost yourself with the noise of all those peculiar sound that is coming from an outside world? Are you being true with yourself or are you just being kind of imitating Robot here just doing what someone want you to do? Or just pretending to be happy? Escaping yourself and doing formalities which majority are doing. We often here people saying life is becoming hard though technologies is making everything easier. Don't you think it's we who is making it more difficult & complicated because; We say we are best friend though actually inside ( I don't like you ) We drink while we are in a group just because to adjust to fit in a group we take weed to fit in a group. We smile just for a while. But everytime when you do this you go 10 steps away from yourself and world become 100 times complicated because your every action counts love. You count, you are special, you are one of a kind don't let the noise of this world to make you deaf and blind. Know thyself; understand yourself. Life start with you and end with you. Everything from life to death is distraction to make you forget who you really are. So do you really let it make you forget who you are...? Look within yourself you are beautiful manifestation of this universe; you hold the power of nature within you recognize it. Don't just read same old story written by some other. Write your own give different story of your to universe. Trust your own instinct be who you really is. Don't let other voices and noices to demoralize you. Be true with yourself life is so simple. Talk with yourself stay true alive... Don't live within a boundary coz you are infinite; Don't just follow do it in your own style. Find yourself here... Don't just live stay Alive. **THANK you so much for reading***... I hope you know yourself now.... Know thyself to make this world better place to live.....^^ # Respect thyself # Love yourself # Life would turned out beautiful journey and world would turned better place to live**

[rubendra-blog]

HUMAN EVOLUTION-"Know thyself"

"LIFE WOULD TURNED EASIER WHEN YOU START TO UNDERSTAND THYSELF RATHER THAN COMPREHENDING WHAT SYSTEM IS TELLING YOU TO" (*World would be Better place*) Actually life so simple ain't it? We take birth & grow naturally Just like the seed of trees and plant We are sown in different place of a huge garden(Earth). Some may be placed at the top of hill some may be down the low on foot hills, some may receive higher intensity of sunlight some may receive Rain and vice versa... Which shaped them and their physique and colour but at the end What matter is either you blossom or not? What fruit you bear? How it taste? So it's to fragile and stupidity to feel one superior than other. We come here with a consent of love. They let you come with heart full of love. Just like Sun your father would be there to light you.. Just like moon your mother would be there to nurture you. Water in the form of love To quench your thirst. Don't you forget within you, Just like in mother nature Rivers flow in the form of bloods through your veins. Your mind is just like the galaxies Where thoughts keeps on blinking Just like lights thats blinks in an universe. That's is why you become what you think at the end of day. Just like in galaxies when two light or an energy strikes and one new energy or the light is created. You are that energy: you are that light. You are sparks.!!! You are here to ignite this world. Don't let some force to irradiate you to reduce your sparks. Well every individual is nature itself. All we need is little food to survive. Naturally we would know what we have to do in order to survive as we grow up. We follow principles just like Nature follow law of universe. Our family and people who had engulfed us start to teach us Good habit, to respect, to read, to write but we start to think automatically, we start to taste things naturally, smell and yes to listen accurately. It happen naturally right? Nobody need to taught us how to taste, to hear, to smell. We go same old school carrying Bag full of book, load which we couldn't able to handle well. At very early age the weight of the bag deciphered the weight of this world and hurdles of it. Right form the beginning we are bounded by system. Which we need to follow. Just few days back while I was discussing about Homeo corpus(Human). My fren told me that we are only species in this whole world who have to pay money in order to survive to live. For a while it made me me feel fuck. Yes it's insane!! But as I ponder over and over again I penance that human is only one species who got neo cortex someone who can think and He is most civilised among all. Its because May be he lived in a system. Which make him more advanced then any other species. Than I realize system might be imperative to manage this whole wide world. Just imagine how one manager would manage huge shopping Mall if there is no set of algorithm? Similarly imagine how people would react if there would be no rules and principles. So in someway we are intend to stay within some horizon we need to rely on principle. But "To let the system to overpower you is like letting the hurricane to blow you wherever it want"... We are following system since long. Remember there was a time when people used to say tuberculosis is contagious and even my mother used to alert me to stay away from those people who are infected with such disease but later on we realised its not contagious. Actually the things is if we don't have proper knowledge about something we would believe and follow it blindly what someone is detecting to us. That's what happening here in this world. We are bound to follow what is appearing in our way... We seek for happiness... We go to pubs to have good time? We takes drugs just to pass time.. You roam around with 10 girls and vice versa... People get drunk to make memories to have good time But forget to make memories being fresh.. Do you really feel alive from within? Do you think you are here just to have good time? We just follow what everyone else is doing right from the beginning we are only taught to learn what is happening around us. Just to follow footsteps of other. We often hear "Happiness start within you" We read motivational books we watch motivational videos to motivates ourselves but still at the end you lack in so many things. We follow different kind of religions to keep ourself spirutally strong. Still we don't feel serenity at all. All we say is this world is degrading and has been endangered which is just an excuse. Life seem mess and Hard....Why? It's just because we are just following what other person is saying or the system is telling us to follow. Forgetting who we really are.?? We aren't remote controller car dear? We are here to devise to know ourself to ignite. But its vulnerable to see people being controlled by remote of system of different kind like.. Acquiring power, wealth, greed etc... Nowadays; we are more captivated to devilish things. It fascinates us more than anything. I have seen good guys gone bad and crazy not because he wilt to be but because he couldn't control himself over the hurricane. That devilish wind shut down the flames which he/she were giften with. We know so many things; we carry the world in our hand; we have different kind of knowledge but do you really know who you are? Do you really think you need such motivation from other to tell you to do something? Have you lost yourself with the noise of all those peculiar sound that is coming from an outside world? Are you being true with yourself or are you just being kind of imitating Robot here just doing what someone want you to do? Or just pretending to be happy? Escaping yourself and doing formalities which majority are doing. We often here people saying life is becoming hard though technologies is making everything easier. Don't you think it's we who is making it more difficult & complicated because; We say we are best friend though actually inside ( I don't like you ) We drink while we are in a group just because to adjust to fit in a group we take weed to fit in a group. We smile just for a while. But everytime when you do this you go 10 steps away from yourself and world become 100 times complicated because your every action counts love. You count, you are special, you are one of a kind don't let the noise of this world to make you deaf and blind. Know thyself; understand yourself. Life start with you and end with you. Everything from life to death is distraction to make you forget who you really are. So do you really let it make you forget who you are...? Look within yourself you are beautiful manifestation of this universe; you hold the power of nature within you recognize it. Don't just read same old story written by some other. Write your own give different story of your to universe. Trust your own instinct be who you really is. Don't let other voices and noices to demoralize you. Be true with yourself life is so simple. Talk with yourself stay true alive... Don't live within a boundary coz you are infinite; Don't just follow do it in your own style. Find yourself here... Don't just live stay Alive. **THANK you so much for reading***... I hope you know yourself now.... Know thyself to make this world better place to live.....^^ # Respect thyself # Love yourself # Life would turned out beautiful journey and

[sorayahigashikata]

Chapter 87: "Spin spin spin spin spin Spinspinspinspin Spinspinspin AAAAAUGGHH!"

#Paula reads SBR #Chapter 87 #suffer Valentine suffer #die Valentine die #Johnny better not fall for whatever crap is about to come out of his mouth #Steel Ball Run spoilers #Part 7 spoilers