#why do these things always have to happen when I'm fast asleep?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

psychedelic-ink · 10 months

Text

𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐇

pairing: joel miller x webcam model!f!reader

genre: no outbreak AU, explicit smut, minors dni

word count: 9k

summary: Joel, only now starting to feel the impending sense of loneliness, decides to listen to Tommy and sign up on an online streaming service called Ravish.

warnings: joel is bi in this, sex toys, paddles, nipple clamps, pillow humping, self-spanking, female/male masturbation, piv, dirty talking, possesive!joel, cum eating, oral (female receiving), size kink

additional warning: alright so there is a short moment in this where reader smacks herself with a paddle that has a heart-shaped hole and gets a heart mark on her skin, I don't use any descriptions (like calling it red or pink etc) but I'm also not oblivious enough to think everyone would get a mark when getting spanked so I wanted to let you know in case that would put you off and wouldn't want to read and that's completely fine!

a/n: this definitely ended up being longer then it needed it to be bfgbfg I want to take the anon who requested this, and the rest of you who chimed in and voted on the polls. I hope you all enjoy 💜 oh, also a special thanks to @missredherring who gave the idea of a more in-depth reason as to why Joel likes honeysuckle flowers 👀

edit!!! this has more than one part now! click here for the masterlist

Joel was lonely.

He hadn’t really thought about it until Sarah went off to college.

Since the day she was born, he had one thing and one thing on his mind only—to give his little girl everything that he could and make her happy. The rest didn’t concern him. He didn’t really care about dating, he didn��t have the time to think about how lonely he was. He had been on a couple of dates, all of which were initiated by Sarah as she entered her teenage years, pleading with him to go out and have a life.

But now that she was gone, studying what she always wanted to study and being happy, the emptiness began to spread like a nasty infection. Every creak and groan of the house sounded like mockery to him. He started keeping the TV open all night, most of the time falling asleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night startled by sudden shouts from a randomly playing film or show. He hated it. This wasn’t how Joel imagined his golden years to be like.

Maybe that’s why he decided to use the damn website. Ravish. He’d heard it from Tommy first —which was an uncomfortable conversation as one could imagine— and after that, he kept on hearing the name.

Ravish

It was like a shitty pop song, stuck between his teeth like toffee, impossible to get rid of. The name made a home in his brain, making its presence known whenever he was doing anything, no matter how mundane the task was.

Ultimately, he gave in. What was the worst that could happen?

Joel groans. He stares at the screen with his brows drawn tightly together, the text cursor blinking as it waits for him to type out a username. It’s been almost ten minutes. A brief thought of asking Tommy passes through his mind but he quickly pushes the thought away and leans over the keyboard.

JMiller. That should be alright. He doesn’t need anything fancy, and J can be any name. It can be Jack, Jacob, Jonathan, John, Jeremy. There are a bunch. Besides, Miller is a pretty common last name, so if someone asks if he's JMiller, he can just deny it. Not that anyone would. Everyone would be too busy jerking off to pretty people. The last thought anyone would have would be of him.

He quickly decides on his password and he’s immediately overwhelmed. There are too many things happening at once. His eyes widen, heart beating a bit too fast as he moves his mouse around. In the corner, there’s a little pop-up begging for his attention, and on the screen, there are multiple thumbnails of women and men. When he drags his mouse over a thumbnail it starts moving and he jumps.

“Holy hell,” he mutters. “I’m in way over my head.”

Joel gets up to pour himself a glass of whiskey. After that, he sits on the couch again and takes three deep breaths. The ice clicks together as he takes a swig, the amber liquid pleasantly burning as it goes down his throat. He looks around some more, looking for the profiles that pique his interest the most.

While he scrolls, he sees one of a man with the username NicolasCageFreak, which he finds odd, but the man is pleasing to the eye with soft brown curls and natural honey highlights in between. The man has a small bullet vibrator pressed against his hard length, a cock ring at the base of it. Joel presses like and saves it for later.

Joel has to remind himself a couple of times that the people who stream can’t actually see him. The more he scrolls the more relaxed he feels. There’s a woman with pretty green eyes he saves for later and another man with the username CammingBravo. He has his face hidden, Joel can see the red ribbon circling the back of his head as he bends over, granting the viewers a delicious sight of his ass that has a shiny buttplug.

Liked! Added to your queue for later.

Until now Joel was fairly certain he was straight, sometimes he’d get the occasional same-sex dream but he figured everyone did at some point in their lives. He’s not so sure anymore.

Some more scrolling and Joel starts getting restless. His cock strains against his sweatpants, aching for his rough touch. He takes a deep breath. The next live stream he sees that he likes he’ll click and that will be that. He’s starting to get worked up and, unlike NicolasCageFreak, he’s not a fan of edging himself.

Then he sees her. A woman wearing a delicate chain vest with rhinestones that sparkle whenever she moves. His eyes flit to the username; Honeysuckle. He loves that flower, he has many memories of picking them with Tommy and sucking the sweet nectar hidden inside. He wonders if she tastes just as sweet.

Not one to break a promise to himself, Joel clicks on the thumbnail. His eyes are instantly drawn to the live chat. There are so many people asking her to do something all at once—Jesus Christ. There are also a couple of them just chatting as if they were friends with her. He sees that everyone calls her Honey, which is fitting and a bit on the nose, he thinks.

Noticing that he has the stream muted, Joel unmutes it, a pleasant tingle running down his spine as soon as her voice comes through the speakers of his laptop.

“Wow, Eric47 I’m so happy you got that promotion!”

“Don’t worry everyone, I’ve been thinking naughty thoughts all day and I’m ready to put on a show.”

“Patience everyone.”

“Thank you for buying a private chat, SarahBelieves! I can’t wait to be your good girl. . .”

Joel is too focused on her tone, the smooth lilt of her voice, to hear the words she’s saying. The only thing his ears pick up on is the words private and chat. He wasn’t aware you could buy some extra time with the streamers. He loves that—

He shakes his head. Loves? Is he already planning on paying? At the thought, his cock twitches with interest, his reserve quickly crumbling to the floor.

Joel decides to focus on the stream first. He can decide later on if he wants a private session or not. He cups himself through the soft fabric of his sweatpants, groaning as a spike of relief shoots through him. His eyes are glued to the screen. Honey’s hard nipples poke through the chains, her hands delicately kneading the tender mounds as she rises slightly by lifting herself onto her knees. She’s on a bed, wearing black panties and a matching garter. Joel’s mouth waters. The things he would do to her. . .

His tongue pokes from between his lips, soft tendon moving with muscle memory as he thinks of eating her sweet cunt out.

“Today my sweet bees,” she addresses them. “I was thinking of fucking myself with the biggest dildo I’ve got, how does that sound?”

Joel’s eyes drift to the chat. Everyone seems to be cheering and asking her to show them how much she can take. There’s also a bunch of them calling her their favorite size queen. She chuckles.

“I love all dicks, in any shape or form,” she purrs. “I’m just in the mood for a bit of pain.”

Pain. That captures Joel’s attention. It makes him curious about all the other things she might be into. Perhaps she enjoys getting spanked, or she would enjoy the feeling of someone dragging their nails down her pretty back. He wants to know. He wants his imaginary scenarios to be as accurate as possible.

He’s about to pull out his cock when he hears her voice again.

“I do have one question though,” she says innocently. “Should I keep these pretty black panties on or off?” she grins into the camera, her eyes shining with mirth. “Let’s see those answers, my bees.”

What do you want? Joel wants to ask. But this isn’t that kind of scenario so he thinks. The answers come flying in, there’s a fifty-fifty ratio. Joel’s mind blanks for a moment, the corners of his lips twitching. He wants her to keep them on. He likes the idea of her sliding them to the side and fucking herself deep, it feels more animalistic, more raw. He enjoys the idea of claiming someone, a curiosity he hasn’t yet fully explored yet.

He types exactly that. His wording and grammar a bit too neat compared to the rest, but he gives Honey his answer. He wants her to keep it on. Maybe play with herself some more until the fabric is basically see-through, then she can fuck herself with the biggest cock she’s got.

Joel watches intently as her eyes go over the live chat, there are so many answers coming in, he doubts she’ll see his comment. Still, he likes to believe she’ll see it.

Honey’s eyes still briefly, hunger swirling in them as a canine sinks into her bottom lip. Her smile is bashful and shy, much different than the character she’s playing. Her eyes move back to the camera. Joel watches her breasts as her chest heaves, nipples grazing against the cool metal.

“Well, well, JMiller. . . you certainly have a mouth on you,” she tuts and Joel’s eyes go wide. The satisfaction he feels leads to goosebumps coursing over his burning skin, being noticed. . . it’s surprisingly thrilling. “Are you new? I haven’t seen your handle before.”

Joel swallows, his hands shaking as he types in a quick “yea”, Honey smiles, “Welcome to the hive then, baby. Keep the comments up,” she sighs, cupping both her tits. “I love a man who knows how to dirty talk.”

A knot forms in his throat, his skin tight. He wasn’t expecting to be this affected. Now he understands why so many people enjoy live streams. They don’t see you, not actually, but still, it almost fills the void. Almost. He’s excited now, eager to type in more of his thoughts, eager to hear her answer him. Joel pulls out his cock, the waistband of his sweats hugging his thighs. He gives himself a firm tug, his spine straightening at the burn gathering in his lower stomach. It feels fucking good.

“Since it’s J’s first time, and because he got me all hot and bothered, why not leave the panties on for this time?” Honey says. Joel observes the chat, there are a lot of congratulatory messages addressed to him, welcoming him. He doesn’t care. “You want to see these panties soaked, huh? You guys know how much I love making a mess.”

Honey shimmies back, revealing more of her bare legs. She spreads them for the camera, the soft sound of delicate metal filling the air whenever she moves. Her fingers start to move lazily over her clothed clit, her head falls. Joel can see a subtle dark patch growing, his own hand starting to move slowly up and down his throbbing cock. A drop of precum dribbles down, easing the glide of his rough palm. She doesn’t look at the chat as frequently as she did before, too focused on her pleasure. Her glossy lips part and her eyes scrunch up. Her moans are loud and breathy, signs that she lives alone.

Joel doesn’t think as he fists himself. Normally when watching porn he would think; he would think of a scenario, or what he would be doing differently, or the things he would want to do. This is different. He’s just watching, inhaling what’s being given to him. He sucks a sharp breath, his hand moving faster, the side of his fist smacking against his pelvis, dark curls damp under his palm.

“Fuck,” Honey moans, eyes peering toward the screen. Her fingers move faster, her hips grinding to meet the graze of her palm. Joel groans, his eyes rolling back into his skull. “I think I’m going to come,” he breathes out. “Should I?”

Joel doesn’t bother with typing until he hears his alias.

“JMiller, since you’re new the decision is yours. Should I? P-Please answer,” she sounds desperate, her hips rutting the air as she presses her fingers hard against her clit. “O-Or do you want me to come on your cock?”

Joel’s hips stutter, filling the tightness of his fist, “Fuckin’ hell.”

With sticky fingers he types his answer, telling her that she should come with his cock deep inside her. Joel also adds that he wants to hear her, telling her to be loud.

“O-Okay,” she whines, almost tearful as she reaches to grab her dildo off-screen. Joel can’t help the grin that makes its way across his face. He types again, telling her not to cry and that she’ll be coming soon enough. When he presses enter, he notices that his name is highlighted in dark orange. “You’re kind of an asshole,” she answers playfully. “I like that.”

You're the buzzing heartbeat of Honeysuckle’s live stream! You are picked by the streamer as the treasured Drone Bee, your unwavering loyalty and vibrant energy create an electrifying atmosphere. Your presence is a key ingredient in making the honey even sweeter!

A growl echoes in his throat when Honey shows the camera the dildo she had picked out. She wasn’t kidding when she said it was her biggest. It’s bigger than his own dick, and Joel is by no means a small man. He squeezes his cock and looks down, with a sudden need growing in his chest, he purses his lips and lets a long trail of saliva drip between his lips. He shudders when it reaches the head of his cock. He swipes his palm over it and continues to stroke himself, he wants to come.

He wants them to come at the same time.

Honey pushes the dildo in slowly, giving her viewers a clear sight of what’s happening. The toy stretches her wide, the ache of it pulling a gasp from her pretty lips. Joel breathes heavily, his nostrils flaring as his hand speeds up.

Oh, how he would love to be the one fucking slowly into her, to hear those little gasps coming from her in person rather than his shitty speakers. He holds his breath. It’s buried fully inside of her now. She slowly looks down, her eyes looking directly into the camera.

“I hope the view down there is good,” she says with a smirk. Joel doesn’t type anything. He focuses on the way his cock drools for her, aches to be buried in her cunt. Honey pulls out the toy until it’s only the tip that’s inside and then shoves it all in one smooth thrust. She cries out, her voice unfiltered. Joel’s stomach jumps at the sound, his pupils dilating like a wolf seeing its prey for the first time.

She fucks herself hard, whimpering and crying out every time she fuck herself deep. Joel sees the way the plastic surface shines with her slick, he bets she tastes fucking sweet.

He knows she’s close when her thighs begin to shake—he also knows thanks to the live chat going completely berserk, cheering her on and telling her to squirt. Joel, despite her own release close enough that he can taste it, rolls his eyes.

“This one is for you JMiller,” she whimpers and Joel’s eyes go wide, his cock pulsing in his wet fist. “Hope you’re gonna fall down the edge with me, big guy.”

Joel doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until she’s coming—she does so with a loud moan, her cunt fluttering around the large cock. Her head falls back completely, giving a clear view of her heaving chest, nipples fully erect under the see-through armor.

His fall from grace is less pretty. He lets out a grunt, his hips fucking into his hand helplessly as come spurts from the slit, it’s almost painful. His heart beats aggressively while he tries hard to keep his focus on the screen, he doesn’t want to miss anything. Joel makes a mess of himself and his surroundings, the rug underneath his socked feet stained with his release.

Joel’s cock stops throbbing and with a pleased sigh, his shoulders drop.

“That felt fuckin’ goood,” he groans, staring blankly at the ongoing live stream. Vaguely he notices Honey pulling the toy out, an equally fucked out expression on her face. The live chat is still going wild, he manages to lean over and type in one last sentence before going offline.

Good girl.

Joel is a weak weak man.

Watching Honey quickly became a routine for him. She would start streaming around the same time he would come back from work and it was the perfect way to let off some steam. Tommy had asked if he checked out Ravish, to which Joel promptly said no. He didn’t need his baby brother making fun of him.

Besides, some primal part of him didn’t want Tommy to know about Honey. It’s an odd thought, he realizes, since she’s enjoyed by many many people. Still, he didn’t have an explanation for what he was feeling.

Once she had brought in a guest, and his body had immediately rejected it. He was ready to close the stream and head to the bathroom for a quick shower—however, he stopped when he noticed who the guest was; CammingBravo. Another streamer who had caught Joel’s attention when he was scrolling through the endless amount of entertainers for the first time. He watched Honey eat out his tight little asshole, then he watched Bravo fuck her senseless, making her soak the sheets.

Joel never came that hard in his life before— It was exhilarating. He tipped handsomely that night and Honey mentioned how JMiller was one of her best viewers. Bravo’s smile, which was surprisingly kind, was infectious.

He would be lying if he said his chest didn’t puff up a little.

And, of course, he ended up buying a private chat with her after that. He just had to. It would just be this one time, he told himself, just one hour without the live chat. Just him and her.

He turns on the laptop, already knowing that he’s kidding himself. There’s no way this will be a one-time thing. He’s too. . . smitten to leave it with one private chat.

Maybe he can limit himself to once a month. That seems reasonable.

The familiar website of Ravish loads and he clicks on the little gray person in the corner. He finds the section that’s titled “private chats” and clicks. Her username, Honeysuckle, pops up. On the screen, it says she’ll be with him shortly.

A minute later the screen goes black and her face comes into view. She’s wearing a pink see-through bra with strawberries on it, Honey’s smile is bright as she looks into the camera.

“Hi there J!” she greets him, his stomach warms at the sound of her voice. “This is your first time doing a live chat right?”

He nods absent-mindedly while typing. Honey reads his answer and gives him an empathetic look.

“Okay, so you don’t have to show your face—obviously—but if you want you can click the tiny microphone in the corner and talk to me directly. But if that’s also too much you can continue to type what you want me to do.”

Joel’s eyebrows raise. Talk to her. . . with his actual voice? The thought both excites and sends cold fear down his spine. What would he even say? What if she doesn’t like the sound of his voice?

“Are you there?” her voice comes through. “Is everything alright?”

His fingers tense and rigid, Joel types in the questions that swirl in his head. Luckily the questions sound cheeky without any tone indicators so Honey smiles, her eyes narrowing while her lips curl seductively.

“You can say anything you want, big boy,” she licks her lips. “And don’t worry about your voice, I’m yours for the hour. You might as well have the most shrill voice in the world, I would still tell you how sexy you sound.”

You always call me that. Why? . . . Also, it doesn’t make me feel any better when you say you’ll tell me how good I sound regardless but I get what you mean.

Joel aggressively chews the smooth inside of his cheek. Honey reads his messages, a grin stretching across her beautiful face, “Let’s just say streamer’s intuition,” she winks. “As for the other thing, I mean that you don’t need to worry. I doubt you have the most shrill voice in the world.” she thinks over her words before adding. “Of course, it’s up to you. If you don’t want to use voice chat that’s completely fine.”

Joel sighs, his curser hovering over the tiny microphone. Closing his eyes, he clicks.

“Can—Can you hear me?”

Her eyes sparkle.

“Crystal clear,” she answers with a wide smile. “You sound hot.”

She sounds genuinely impressed. Joel can’t help but chuckle with the shake of his head. “Don’t sound so surprised but thanks, I think?”

“Oh it’s definitely a compliment,” she says rolling her tongue. “Is there anything you want me to call you or should I just call you J?”

There’s a brief moment where he thinks of just telling her his name but he bites his tongue at the very last moment. His heart does a little jump when he answers, “You can call me. . . sir.”

“Understood, sir,” she repeats, her voice dripping with lust. A shudder crawls up his spine and he has to brace himself by holding his knees. “There is also a matter of safewords, I don’t do everything as I’m sure you don’t as well. Red is for stop, yellow is for slow down and green is for go. I think that’s the simplest one but if you want to use a different word I’m okay with that.”

Joel blinks before answering, “Uh, yeah sounds good.”

“Also the website doesn’t allow screen recordings—which I appreciate— so you can’t film these sessions in any way. I’m just letting you know because no one reads the terms of service and one client was very unhappy when he got a cease and desist.”

“I. . . okay, I wouldn’t even think of it.”

She smiles and Joel’s heart feels a bit lighter, “Good,” with the rules established, a sense of relaxation washed over both of them. “So, do you have anything planned for me?”

Joel clears his throat as a warning and her eyes glimmer with amusement.

“Sorry,” she breathes heavily. “Did you have anything planned for me, sir?”

“Would you laugh if I said no?”

“Sir, I would never laugh at you,” she pouts, brows turning upward. Momentarily she looks off screen and when her eyes find the lens again she smiles giddily. “Would you want me to show you the toys I think you’ll like?”

Joel smiles at how genuinely excited she sounds, it’s hard to remind himself that this is all an act and that this is her job. He wants this to be real. He wants her to actually be excited to show him all the things she wants him to use.

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” he answers not missing the way her lips part with a soft gasp. “Show me what you got.”

Honey shows him a handful of her toys. She has a lot. Dildos of various sizes, vibrators, nipple clamps, kegel balls, anal plugs, anal beads, floggers, collars, paddles. . . she might as well have an entire sex shop in her room. Joel takes mental notes of all of them to use during their next sessions.

“Anything that you like, sir?”

“The paddle,” he murmurs, feeling a bit flustered now that they’re actually getting into it. “The one with the heart-shaped hole and. . . the nipple clamps—”

“The heart-shaped ones?”

Joel swallows thickly, “Y—Yeah.”

“No need to be shy, sir,” she grins. “It’s only you and me.” Honey picks out the toys Joel requested and raises an eyebrow while her gaze searches the pile. “So, no dildos? Or vibrators?”

“I . . . had somethin’ else in mind, if that’s alright.”

“Ohhhh, a mystery,” she purrs, winking into the camera. “I love it, sir.”

Honey is slow to rid herself of her bra, sliding one arm out and then the other before moving both hands to the back to unclasp herself free of the dainty fabric. Her chest nears the camera, giving him a full view of her fully erect nipples. Joel’s breathing grows heavier by the second. He can feel his cock stiffen, pleasure stirring in his gut. He quickly kicks off his shorts, leaving himself bare on the couch as he watches her secure the clamps over each nipple. She lets out a tiny sigh of bliss, pulling her arms back and planting her palms firmly against the mattress, she shows her newly decorated nipples.

Joel groans and wraps his hand around his cock. She does a little wiggle, the soft sound of bells making his cock twitch.

“Are you touching yourself, sir?”

“Yea.”

“Good, I want to hear you get off,” she quickly adds. “Sir.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, sweet thing,” his eyes flutter closed as his fist moves down, and he opens them back up after giving himself a firm squeeze. “Turn around,” he grunts. “And don’t forget the paddle.”

She does as she’s told, which in return gives Joel an immense sense of control and satisfaction. Precome drips down his length, he uses it to lube himself further, paying extra attention to be loud for her. Just like she wanted.

His eyes follow the movement of the paddle, she drags it over the right cheek of her ass, caressing her skin. Her panties disappear between the crease of her gorgeous ass, leaving little to the imagination. “Is this okay, sir?” she asks, her voice thick. “Am I being a good girl?”

Goosebumps rise over his skin. He’d called her, wrote to her, good girl after every stream—his smirk is laced with something dark when he realizes that she must’ve enjoyed it.

“You’re being very good,” he answers. “Now hit yourself with it, I want to see a heart tattooed on that pretty flesh of yours.”

“Southern man into branding, why am I not surprised?” she purrs and lifts her ass closer the camera. “You like seeing your pretty girl all marked up by her owner?”

Fuck.

“Don’t get full of yourself,” he orders, adding a bit more venomous tone to his voice. Honey stills, and briefly Joel worries he’d overstep. He stops breathing, not wanting to miss even the smallest hint of the safeword.

But then she shudders, hitting herself lightly with the paddle. “How’s this, sir?” she says, her lilt indicating that she’s highly aware it isn’t enough.

“Harder.”

She spanks herself harder, her body jolting. Joel can hear the bells. He circles the head of his cock with the pad of his thumb, groaning as he makes himself more comfortable on the couch.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think you’re listenin’,” he inhales slowly, enjoying the way her muscles tense. “I want to see those hearts on your skin. I thought this was supposed to be a show.”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

He loves how breathy her voice has gotten. Heat licks the base of his spine, his cock begging for release.

She raises the paddle, smacking her plump meat much harder than before. Her asscheek ripples and Joel can finally see a faint trace of a shape. But it’s not clear enough to be a decent heart. “Again,” he orders.

It takes about six to nine times before the heart takes shape on her skin. She’s whimpering, tremors moving up and down her body as she fights the urge to collapse. She loves seeing his mark there, she might’ve placed herself, but it was his doing and he revels in it.

“Good,” he says, swallowing thickly. “Good fuckin’ girl. Lookin’ so pretty for me.”

“S-Sir,” she mutters. Joel doesn’t know what to expect until her hand comes between her legs, sliding the thin line of her panties to the side. Her cunt is a sopping mess. Joel leans further towards the screen, his tongue licking the roof of his mouth. “Do you see how wet I am? P-Please, I want to come—Can I, sir?”

“Fuck, ‘course you can,” his neck feels warm, burning almost. “Turn around, grab one of them pillows behind you.”

“P-Pillow?”

She sounds dazed, Joel almost feels bad for her, almost. “Yes sweetheart, pillow,” he coos. “I want you to grind that pretty cunt against it. . . honey.”

“Shit, say that again.”

“Honey,” he groans again, his hips thrusting into the air, burying himself deep into his fist. His voice drops further as he begins to chant, “Honey, honey, honey, honey—”

She visibly clenches at that, her entire body tight with arousal. With shaky hands, she brings the pillow between her thighs, straddling the soft cushion. Her head falls back as she gives it an experimental roll of her hips, Joel’s breath catches in his throat. She looks delectable. Her hands come up to her chest and tugs at the clamps, she jumps, a wanton moan echoing from the back of her throat.

“You’re so worked up aren’t you?” Joel continues as she grinds herself further down, leaving a wet, darkened patch behind. He’s preaching to the choir. His own arousal drooling over his knuckles. He closes his eyes, allowing his mouth to roam free. “Stuff three fingers in your mouth, want you to choke darlin’.”

With a whine, she nods and pushes three fingers between her lips. Joel smirks, “It ain’t nearly enough but at least you can get a feelin’ of how much my cock would stretch those pretty lips, honey,” he rasps. She shudders, her hips moving wildly over the pillow. “You love havin’ your mouth full don’t you?”

“Yesh, sur,” she moans around her own fingers, she move acutely, and with every jerk of her hips, Joel can see her throbbing clit. He’s teetering on the edge of his release, heat pools between his legs, his balls go tight.

“I’m gonna come, honey,” he groans, his tight shaking. “Come with me, show me how wet your get that pillow.”

With a hint of mischief in her eyes, she loudly gulps around her fingers, giving Joel a clear few of her cunt before rolling her hips down against the smooth surface. His eyes go wide and before his brain can register the coil snapping, he spills over his hand. Heavy strings of come dripping down his hard throbbing length. He makes a choked sound as he tries to breathe in and out at the same time. Honey pulls out her fingers from her mouth and grins, her hands drop in front of her and she bounces up and down, mimicking the way she would ride him.

The action manages to squeeze one last rope of come from him, his lungs collapse, his body burning. She comes right after, her thighs squeezing around each side of the pillow before gushing around it. Joel can see the shine as she continues to grind her hips.

“Show me,” he pants, his next words quickly shifting into a growl. “Show it to me.”

Licking her lips, Honey pulls the pillow from between her legs and shows it to him. His cock twitches with interest. “Wanna taste you,” he says without thinking.

“Sadly technology hasn’t improved that much yet,” she answers. “But I’ll tell you this much,” she leans in and flattens her tongue against the soaked fabric. Joel’s jaw tightens, his molars digging together painfully. She moans. “I taste sweet. Like honey.”

You hate visiting home.

You hate the heat, the crowd, staying at a home where you’re still treated like a child when you haven’t been one for a long long time. But you didn't really have a choice when your dad hurt his leg, which meant that you had to help around with the tiny bookshop your family owned. It was a miracle that it was still standing, but people did love their old, dusty bookshops. You had to admit, you enjoyed the aura of the place.

Your mom had asked you to bring over two coffees before coming in, she opened up shop early which you were grateful for. Now that you were home, you didn’t have the luxury to do as many private calls as you wanted to. You still streamed late at night, keeping silent, your audience didn’t mind. They thoroughly enjoyed the whispering and the “we can’t be caught” act. You only indulged in one private session, a session that you couldn’t bare letting go of.

JMiller.

You thought a lot about what his real name might be. Jacob, Jeff, Jeremy. . . none of them felt right. It was disappointing because you wanted to scream his name when you had your hand between your legs. But since you couldn’t decide on a name, you whimpered a string of sirs over and over again.

You eagerly counted down the hours until you could finally spend time with him. This was a funny thought on its own because you boasted about how professional you were. You kept things clear, not allowing for any miscommunication or—potentially—feelings. But there was just something about him that got your entire body yearning to hear his southern drawl. Maybe it was the nostalgia of it all. You did grow up in Austin after all. But still. It was odd how excited you got before going online.

You briefly mentioned you were going back home, you didn’t tell him where, obviously, but you did tell him that there could be scheduling issues. He understood.

Of course he did, he was perfect.

Pulling yourself away from your thoughts, you impatiently drum your foot against the clean marble floors. This line is insane. You let out a groan, sending your mother a quick text that it might take you a while. A second later your phone buzzes with a thumbs-up emoji from her. You sigh again as you shove the phone down your back pocket, you hate waiting, it gets you anxious and even though you don’t have a boss that will yell at you, you don’t enjoy being late.

Then, as if he popped out of the concrete like a weed, a man pushes himself between you and the other person that was waiting in line in front of you.

Your heart races, your eyebrows knitting together, no way in hell are you going to allow someone to cut in line.

“Hey,” you call out. The man ignores you and you tap his shoulder, he turns sharply, his eyes glaring daggers. “You can’t cut in line,” you say defensively. “You need to move to the back of the line.”

“Look lady I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about I was always here.”

“Ummmm, no you weren’t,” your chest heaves, heat rising to your cheeks. You don’t like confrontation—you’d do it, but you’d hate it. Your legs are already shaking slightly. “I’ve been staring at the pink paint stain on that guy’s shoulder for about half an hour so I know what I’m talking about.”

He rolls his eyes, an ugly snarl taking shape, “Just leave it. I ain’t gonna budge. I have places to be.”

“And the rest of us don’t?” you snort, eyebrows raised. He shrugs, makes a face, and turns his back to you once again. It takes you everything not to stomp your foot like an angry bull.

You’ve had enough. You’re tired of the assholes of the word, you don’t care if you’re not allowed into the coffee shop ever again. Puffing up your chest, you open your mouth wide, ready to give this rude stranger a piece of your unfiltered mind.

“You know what—”

“Is that any way to treat a lady, moonshine?”

You turn towards the source of the voice. It’s a man you’ve never seen before. He’s rugged looking, the salt and pepper in his beard endearing. He has a deep crease between his brows, his brown eyes dark as he stares down at the rude stranger. You take in the sight of his broad shoulders, thick neck—your heart does a little flip. You don’t know why but you’re drawn to the man, he has a nice voice.

The man, however, isn’t as pleased as you.

“What’s it to you? She your girlfriend?”

You’re not but you kinda wish you were.

“Get in the back of the line, I saw you cut in front of her.”

The tension in the air is thick enough that you can cut it with a knife. You hold your breath, your lungs starting to burn as electricity crackles between the two men. Finally the asshole caves and sighs, going to the back of the line. You let out the breath you’ve been holding, your shoulders sagging with relief right after.

“Thank you,” you say, your gaze finding the kind strangers. “I was right about to blow my lid before you stepped in.”

He doesn’t answer and just continues to stare at you. Worry builds in your spine. Why isn’t he saying anything? His softened gaze flits across your face, taking in every detail before looking away. He pushes his hands down his pockets, looking almost boyish with the way he drops his gaze to the floor.

“Don’t mention it,” he mutters.

You raise an eyebrow. His voice still sounds familiar. Your curiosity getting the better of you, you shove the thoughts of familiarity into the back of your head and grace him with a wide smile. He blushes profusely, eyes slightly going wide, he takes a sharp inhale.

“How about I pay for your coffee. . . or whatever you’re buying?” you ask.

“You don’t have—”

“I insist!” you chirp, glad that the line is finally moving. You extend your hand with enthusiasm, which he accepts a bit tentatively. Your smile never wavering, you tell him your name and an emotion akin to guilt washes over his eyes. He releases your hand, lips a tight, frigid line. “Is something wrong?” you ask. “You don’t like the name?”

“N–No, it ain’t that,” he shifts from one leg to the other. You nearly look down, curious to see how tightly his jeans hug his muscular thighs. “I’m. . . Joel.”

The world around you falls into a complete silence. Joel. Joel. Something electric and searing shoots up your spine, your lashes fluttering. Your heart starts beating a mile a minute but you’re not sure why. The only thing you do know is that this is a significant moment. An important moment.

Your rake your brain for answers.

Why?

Why is it important? What piece are you missing to complete the puzzle?

His lips break into a soft smile, he gestures towards the counter with his head. “We’re up.”

“O-Oh, yeah,” you swallow, barely able to pull your gaze away from him. “Sorry.”

You tell the kind barista your order and she writes it down on both your cups happily. The two of you move away from the line to wait for your drinks; a black coffee for your mom, a caramel macchiato for you, and an iced quad espresso for Joel. You raise an eyebrow.

“I have a long day comin’,” he says with a small smile. “And I didn’t do much sleepin’ last night.”

Your mind immediately flashes you memories of last night. Legs spread wide with two dildos stretching you, JMiller really enjoys it when you test your limits. Your pulse pounding in your skull, you look down. “Don’t I know it.”

“You had a late night too?” there’s a teasing lilt to his tone. Your stomach churns and you sink your teeth into your bottom lip. It looks like he’s about to say something else but the barista calls your name and both of you head towards the counter. He takes his death juice with a grateful smile, his demeanor more relaxed compared to when you introduced yourself.

“Thank you, honey. I appreciate it.”

Oh shit.

Shit shit shit shit.

It is him.

JMiller—J stands for Joel.

Fuck.

“You. . .” you begin, panic raising in your voice. “You’re. . .”

He nods, “I think we both know why I didn’t sleep much last night,” he extends his hand again. “Huge fan by the way. You’re great and this is awkward as hell.”

“It is,” you whisper. Still, you take his hand. “It is.”

“You’ve never had someone come up to you on the street before?” he asks, curious. “I would assume you get recognized a lot.”

“Not as much as you would think,” a cruel, humorless burst of laughter drops from your lips. “People don’t exactly want their partners to know they’re watching me. But if they’re alone yeah. . . sometimes they’ll say hi.”

Or they’ll ask inappropriate questions and be weird about it but he doesn’t have to know that.

Now that he’s mentioned you bumping into others, you’re not sure why it felt like the end of the world before. You feel embarrassed, flustered even, two emotions that a client shouldn’t be making you feel.

“Well,” he breaks the silence, moving his jaw as he opens the door for you. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“Technically you bought it.”

“Right. . .”

The two of you are out in the street now, staring at each other, contemplating what to say. He scratches the back of his head, then his fingers move to rub at his jaw. Arousal gathers between your thighs, it’s not your fault, now that you know that it’s him, your body acts accordingly.

“Are we still on for tomorrow?”

You still for a moment before answering, “Yeah.”

He turns and leaves, you do the same, only in the opposite direction.

After learning your name, Joel completely abandoned his rule of you calling him 'sir', making you moan his actual name as frequently as he could. His name stuck to your tongue. It might as well have been tattooed under your bottom lip. He was possessive in the way he asked, in some instances even begging for you to say it—and you fucking loved it. You loved this sick claim he had towards you now that you two had officially met. You loved how much more eager he was to see you make a sticky mess between your thighs. You love how cock dumb he made you feel without actually being there to fuck you himself.

He even started doing his version of online aftercare. Mostly he would just talk, tell you about every-day things as you came down from your high. Or he would murmur a song. You never asked if he was a musician, he had a nice voice.

It’s the beginning of the session and you’re getting ready. He says he enjoys watching the preparation you do for him so you decided to start streaming five minutes earlier, allowing him to watch. You really need him today. You had a rough day with an order mix-up, and your mom isn’t the best at dealing with mishaps. He clears his throat, which draws your attention to him.

“Is something wrong?” you ask.

“No no, everythin’ is fine, sweetheart. I just. . .” he sighs. “I want to ask somethin’.”

“Ask away.”

“Can we—Would you want to—” he groans in frustration and you start grinning. His frustrated pout is adorable. All you want to do is smooth the crease between his brows with your thumb and give him a kiss.

“Joel Miller,” you tease, not missing the way his breath catches in your throat. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Oh god, you hope your intuition is right. If it isn’t this call is about to get really awkward.

He flushes, eyes dropping as he nods.

“Is that okay?”

This is highly unprofessional, “More than okay. I’d love to go on a date with you.”

His grin is infectious.

“Good,” he lets out a breath then settles back against the couch. “Now show me those pretty tits, honey.”

You can’t believe you’re actually in JMiller’s, aka Joel’s, home.

The date had gone better than you expected. He was kind, charming, and chivalrous which were all qualities you haven’t seen for a while. Ever since you started streaming you hadn’t been on many dates and frankly, after a while, you purposefully avoided them. It just felt like asking for drama that you had no intention of dealing with. But Joel wasn’t like that. He could be blunt, a bit grumpy, yet also kind. He had taken you to one of his favorite pubs. Beers accompanied by the best jalapeno poppers you ever had equated to one of the finest dates you’ve ever had.

He was a contractor, had a daughter in college, and a younger brother. His mother and father had passed a long time ago and ever since Sarah left, he’d been feeling lonely. He’d admitted shyly that that was the reason why he signed up on Ravish. He wanted company.

You found it incredibly charming.

As soon as Joel closes the door behind you two, you fall into each other’s arms. He kisses you with fervor, tongue slipping between your lips as he breathes you in at the same time. You feel him everywhere. Large hands squeezing your hips, waist, breasts—it’s intoxicating. You moan wantonly into his mouth, your lids falling when he sucks your tongue into his mouth. He tastes like beer and you’re pretty sure you do too.

Joel pushes you up against the wall, knocking the air from your lungs while you continue to chase his lips with an insatiable need. You can’t bear to be separated from him, not even for a second. He drags his lips down your neck, mouthing at your jugular, sharp teeth nipping the sensitive flesh. Your hips jerk to meet his and with a growl, he pins you back to the wall.

“Don’t,” he grunts. “I’ve been waitin’ so long for this honey, so fuckin’ long.”

Your lips curl, a challenge lingering in your eyes, “Show me then, big boy. Show me how bad you want to fuck your slut.”

“Fuck,” he hisses, gripping your chin harshly and pulling you in for another kiss. Your teeth clink together, he pulls back just as quick, the muscle in his jaw twitches. “Fuck,” he breathes out again. “You have quite the mouth on you, darlin’.”

You have no recollection of how the two of you clamored upstairs, stripping one another in a lustful haze. The time you realize you’re naked is when you feel the cool air of the room caressing your burning skin, he leaves a trail of open-mouthed kisses down between your breasts, fingers eagerly working your nipples as he forces you to walk back until your back of your knees hit the bed and you fall.

Not wanting to give in so easily, you wrap your fingers around his heavy cock. It juts angrily between his legs, answering your touch by drooling all over your palm, slickening your movements. You jerk him until he’s fully hard, his breathing heavy as he rolls his hips to meet the tightness of your fist. He sinks his teeth into your neck, the pain that blossoms coaxes a moan from you, your own wetness growing between your legs.

“I knew you’d be fucking big,” you whisper, tongue toying with his earlobe. “So huge—makes me wonder if I can take it. . .”

“I’ve seen you take bigger,” he groans, hips stuttering. A whimper drops from your lips, you want him, you want to feel him inside, want to feel his come dripping out later. You feel thick fingers spreading your soaked folds, he drags down a middle finger between them, licking himself into your mouth as he draws circles around your aching clit. “So wet for me,” he rasps. “Gonna make a mess in you, honey.”

You gasp, “P-Please.”

He lines himself against your entrance, teasing you, stretching you subtly with the bulbous head of his cock. Your head falls back and your back arches into him. He draws a hard nipple between his lips, closing them as he sucks. Heat rushes all over your body, arousal thick on your tongue. You clutch the sheets. He smiles as he pushes in, filling you inch by inch with a lax jaw and a dazed gaze.

He stops and waits for you to adjust to him. Joel’s forehead drops against yours, dampness growing between the skin. You feel his breath fanning your face, so warm. There’s a hint of pain, the type that makes you flutter around him. He feels it too. The way you tighten against him, your body begging for more. He obliges. Pushing further and further until his hips are flushed against yours. His jaw is clenched tight, his breathing heavy.

“Fuck you feel so good,” he presses fleeting kisses all over your face. It’s ticklish and if all your senses wasn’t narrowed in between your legs, you would’ve giggled.

Your body jerks as he pulls back, the pleasure you feel is instant and overwhelming. You’ve missed the feeling of actual flesh inside of you. Joel snaps his hips forward, locking your breath in your throat, with a moment of desperation you wrap your arms around him and pull him closer. He fucks you in earnest. Every thrust desperate. Every thrust needy. He seems lost in you, whimpers, groans and grunts trembling in his throat and chest. You spread your legs wider, wanting more of him, wanting your cunt to take the shape of his cock.

“Harder—” you cry out. “Take it—Take what you want—”

Your arms fall limp, his body moving up and towering over yours. Joel grips your thighs tight before lifting them, he jackhammers into you, tugging and pulling at you like a brand new fucktoy. He splits you in half. The force of his movements making you scream. You don’t miss the way he grins wildly, dangerously. Something dark and haunting washing over his face.

Your eyes grow wide, your heart beating in your throat, making it hard to swallow. It happens all at once, you clench around him, arousal pouring between your legs in a way it never had before. The look, the cock, the man behind it all—everything combined pushing your mind into the deep stages of want and need. Your eyes roll back, your hands coming up to pinch your tight, tingling nipples. You sob his name, your voice hoarse as you beg him for more and more and more—

“W-Wait, darlin’ if you squeeze me like that I’ll—!”

A series of curses drops wildly and unintelligently from his lips. You feel him. The heat of his seed filling you to the brim, his cock throbs and twitches, spurting into you again and again. Your lips break into a satisfied smile. Instinctively, Joel pushes deeper, shoving your combined slick even deeper.

“Shit,” he says catching his breath. “I-I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I usually last. . . longer than that. I—”

You shush him and cup his cheek. You’re so pliant right now, floating happily in the air. You let out a sigh before willing your lips to move. Has talking always been this taxing?

“It’s okay Joel,” you slur your words, smiling lazily. “I take it as a compliment, that felt fucking good.”

“Yeah?” he sounds so innocent and hopeful that you can’t suppress your giggle. His eyes twinkle under the dimmed light. “Well, I’m glad you felt good, sweetheart but I’m not done yet.”

Your breath hitches when he pulls out, your brows furrow as a chill settles between your legs. You wanted him to stay inside longer. But you’re pleasantly surprised when he slides down your body, kissing every patch of skin before settling between your legs.

“Let’s see if you’re as sweet as you’ve been tellin’ me.”

He kisses your cunt, lips moving in tandem with your wet folds. He drags his tongue up between them, curling it as he takes himself into his mouth, tasting both of you at one. You go limp at the pressure of his tongue, your walls fluttering and squeezing for more. With a groan, he shoves his fingers, the wet sound makes your toes curl into the mattress. It’s like torture, a very pleasurable torture. You gasp when he pulls you flush against his face, the bridge of his nose bumping against your clit as he licks you clean.

Your build up is spontaneous. You feel it coming, the taste of your orgasm at the tip of your tongue. Joel curls his fingers, sucking your clit between his lips and gently nipping at it. You hips chases his mouth, his mustache chafing the tender skin. Your hands come to each side of his head, threading your trembling fingers through the soft locks, his fingers brush against an especially sensitive spot and you tug at his hair. His throat shakes with a groan. His eyes closing.

“Do it again,” he mutters. And you do. He starts moaning into your cunt, his hips, despite just spilling inside of you, rutting against the bed. Your nails bite into his scalp and he flicks his tongue over the sensitive bundle of nerves.

The tension coiling in you finally snaps, your entire body locking up as you gush into his mouth. He gulps you down loudly, fingers still moving deep inside you. Your throat is dry as ou shout his name, hips stuttering helplessly, he pins you down with both hands, moving his head up and down as the fat strokes of his tongue becomes more wild.

When he’s finally done feasting, he pulls away with a wet mouth.

“Wow,” you murmur, curling into him when he lays beside you. “That was. . . wow.”

“You really had low expectations, huh?”

“Not low,” you grin. “But not that high either.”

“Well,” he says, guiding you so you’ll lay on his chest. “I’m glad to prove you wrong.”

You smile, heart fluttering.

“Me too.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #tlou fanfiction #hbo the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal characters

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mcflurryxx · 2 months

Text

What is this feeling, now?

hazbin hotel | Alastor x fem!reader. pt.1 pt.2

genre: fluff

word count: 0.9k

summary: Alastor has been feeling totally different when he's near your presence. He decided to tell Rosie about these odd feelings.

Keep in mind that English isn't my first language, i sincerely apologize for any mistakes!

Once in a while, Alastor visited Cannibal Town to soothe his nerves and neverending thoughts. His mind wasn't that hard of a nut to crack, although sometimes it seemed nearly impossible to restrain.

And tonight might just be one of those terrible moments.

Alastor sat on his favorite, little bench in the quiet part of the town. He found this place really charming and beautiful, there's always been something warm and cozy here. with a bit of flowers and various little plants nearby, even tho he lived in hell, which meant that the fauna and flora wasn't as common as it is on the earth, it all truly looked quite lovely.

Somehow, this little bench has been the only thing that managed to let him think.

this time, the source of his problems was not anything that threatened his life. or at least it was so at the first glance. Why doesn't he understand his own feelings? The heat waves and annoying throbbing of his heart whenever he stands close to you.

Pathetic, ridiculous. What was it really like? Satan knows.

But Alastor apparently wanted to know what's been happening to him and put it to an end.

"Alastor? Oh heavens! I didn't know you were coming!" A woman dressed in red exclaimed happily, approaching him.

"Why hello, my dear Rosie! I should've let you know I'm bout to visit, but it was quite spontaneous." He chuckled mischievously.

"My, my, do not worry too much, I'm thrilled to see your charming self."

Rosie took a seat next to the radio demon, admiring the truly nice view.

"What brings you here?" She smiled softly, awaiting his answer but getting none. Alastor on the other hand, decided to tell his friend about his troubling 'disease'.

"Well, I always come here when i don't feel much like myself." he chuckled. "And today's the day it seems! I might be getting sick! Looks like my old age is finally taking its toll."

Rosie rises her eyebrow, her smile staying upon her face.

"Sick? Oh, Alastor, you've got the jokes on you! But what made you think you're sick?"

Alastor's grip on his cane tightened. "I've noticed that I was starting to get hot, sweaty and not very comfortable. My heart is beating unnaturally fast and my knees feel like they're made of cotton wool. This all happens whenever my friend is next to me. I'm probably allergic to her!" He laughed out loud to brush the symptoms off. Rosie's eyes enlightened, her smile even wider than her usual one.

"Alastor, you silly little guy," She giggled, immediately understanding everything. "You're not sick, nor allergic to your fellow friend! That's a nonsense."

"So what's happening to me?" He asked, tilting his head in curiosity.

You were about to finish your daily check up on the hotel before you go to bed. Everything looked fine and peaceful and all of your friends were asleep- except one.

You haven't seen Alastor in a while. Was he even somewhere near the hotel? He probably wasn't in any trouble, as cocky as he might be, his attitude wasn't made up at all. He was powerful and just the mere thought of it made your worries disappear.

However, you still had no idea where he was. You decided to look for him in the lobby, the first floor and the kitchen.

Nothing.

After you went to check the second floor, a glimpse of red, fluffy hair outside of the window caught your eye.

Soon, your friend has entered the lobby, closing the door behind him, using one of his shadows.

You ran up to him as soon as you saw his usual grin.

"Alastor? Where have you been? You.. You made me worry." You stated, fighting the urge to pull him into your arms without even letting go.

"I was having a walk around the town, my dear! My apologies if i made you worry your pretty, little head too much." He said in his signature radio voice.

Really? Just a walk around the town had lasted that long?

"Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Are you heading to bed?" You asked softly, maintaining your usual caring demeanor.

Alastor seemed to be somehow absent. You noticed his irises traveling along your silhouette, his hands lightly trembling as attached to his cane.

"Hey, you alright?" You asked, smiling a little. Alastor snapped outta his thoughts, chuckling nervously. "Of course I'm alright, darling! Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you seem.. Odd." You lifted your head upwards and your eyes met with his. The furious red of his pupils caught your attention. Was he scared?

Alastor took you by the hand, lifting it all the way up to his lips. He let out a soft laugh, planting a long kiss upon your knuckles. You blushed as widening your eyes. The sweet sensation of his flattering, soft lips made you shiver. You sort of wanted them somewhere else now- But you won't be telling him anyway.

"Goodnight, sweetheart. May you have the sweetest dreams." He gave you another, charming smile and after a quick bow, he went up the stairs, towards his room. You stared at the empty hallway, already missing Alastor's presence.

Why do you even feel this way?

a/n: let me know if you're up for part two! I'm not really proud of this but any feedback would be much appreciated!

#hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel Alastor x reader #fanfiction #xreader

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crystcrm · 1 year

Note

i share ur struggle.. i ACHE for gepard or welt content so hopefully i could request for something like that? im js gonna throw a bunch of ideas and you can choose whichever

relationship hcs (what he’d be like, how does he show his love etc)

sleeping together (take this whichever way you want)

cooking together in the kitchen (im a whore for this stuff idk why😭)

bedroom hcs (kinks, fav positions, literally anything i need it so bad)

KISSING IN THE SNOW W GEPARD😞

anon i hope you know this ask gave me like 5000 braincells. like suddenly i am THINKING. it's so insane how one little ask full of random blurbs gave me so much life to write even just the smallest things.

literally welt and gepard are my two faves rn, i'm fr just waiting for jing yuan to come out. jing yuan my beloved <3<3

but anyway, as for this little ask, i think we'll ease into the hsr content with some fluff ( i am all due for it anyway, i have Not been writing and i also need the fluff because my god does life hit hard ) so sit tight >:)

love and cherishing you ♡ ;; various x gn!reader headcanons

content;- sfw , fluff , headcanons list , how some hsr boys show their love for you ♡♡ , overall just really fluffy because i need toothrotting stomach ache inducing head swirling sweet fluff sometimes... , nothing about getting together but just general hcs on what they'd be like in a relationship , reader is nooooot...? the trailblazer but could possibly be interpreted as such if you squint

characters inc:- welt yang , gepard landau ( includes post-belobog arc content, not extremely spoilery but take note that i chose after the jarillo-vi conclusion to open up more opportunities >:3 )

together with welt yang . . .

welt has lived life longer than perhaps anyone on the express, being from another world and used to living as the first ( second generation ) herrscher of reason, a herrscher that sided with humanity. he didn't expect to get sucked into another adventure, one where he'll meet many companions, see unbelievable sights or even... fall in love.

he's an old soul, yet his heart still has a grand passion for what he does. the fire within him burns, and perhaps, you stoke the flames. a motivation unlike any other to show you the wonders of the galaxy— of every world.

his love is not the most openly shown, an old man can be embarrassed sometimes. especially in the face of his family of the astral express. his affections for you are for you two only. his touches, his words, the little things that make sparks fly are all special and meant for your ears and eyes only. be it in the privacy of his room, or late nights when everyone else is fast asleep, he'll always find a way to make his love for you known when nobody else is looking.

time together with you is always time well spent. he enjoys it perhaps just a little more than going on adventures with everyone. you could be doing anything, and he wouldn't mind simply sitting in silence together with you. it's comforting, relaxing. it's moments like these where he gets to unwind with you. it's essentially a recharge— he doesn't even have to hold you ( but if you'd like that, he'd be more than happy to ).

he used to be an artist— an animation storyboard artist. his skills on paper would definitely outmatch the rest of the crew. he already likes to have his experiences captured in little drawings in his notebook. well, you happen to be one big, long lasting experience. one that he can't wait to see what more comes while experiencing it. you swear that you can catch him gazing at you every other day, and you always see his pencil moving across the papers in his book. inside are sketches of you in all your beauty, how he adores you, even complete with little notes about the things you like.

he wishes to show you the world, all there is to be seen across the entire galaxy. he will be there, to guide you, to accompany you. it's not that he doesn't trust the rest of the crew, but really, this is the closest thing to a date you've ever gotten. taking in the sights of new worlds, creating new memories together, and maybe getting tossed in a bit of trouble along the way. sure, it may be tiring or troublesome, but he wouldn't want to face it with anyone else.

those that come across him know him as welt yang, but this is the name he has inherited. he doesn't tell it often, perhaps, but at least you know him. the real him. he's not just welt to you, but also joachim. it is something he entrusted to you, who he is, who he once was, who he shall become— everything about him.

he adores you, and all your entirety. you are like a burning star in the galaxy above, one that burns with him.

together with gepard landau . . .

gepard, captain of the silvermane guards is a busy, busy man. between his duties as captain and his daily life, he does his best to find time for you. his lack of charm is exactly what makes him charming, some may say. he's no nonsense, stubborn, "famously uncompromising" ( as his sister claims ) with an unmatched loyalty. it sounds horrendous, but perhaps that's exactly why you love him.

you tell him he should prioritise his duty first and foremost, he is an important figure in belobog, after all. and he does, he stubbornly commits to it. even if he can see in your eyes that you're hesitantly letting him go again. it's in these rare moments that he gives you a small, warming smile and a gentle embrace— he tells you that he'll do his best, for the preservation of belobog, for its people— and most importantly, you.

bothering him on patrol isn't one of your favourite activites, there are definitely more enriching things out there, but you still do it from time to time. usually, it's when the nights are a little colder and you can't seem to sleep. it's the same old thing, each and every time. he tells you you should get home, but not after a quick walk together with him. you'd chat about the little things, and he'd even shyly try to hold your hand in such a moment. after that, he personally escorts you back to your residence, and never forgetting to leave without a kiss goodnight. it may be a simple kiss on the back of your hand, or you might get up for a quick kiss on the cheek. you don't know what you do to him.

gepard doesn't strike me as a type that knows a lot in this area. he was born and raised as a noble child, and then went straight into becoming a protector of the city he grew up in. he'd feel a little flustered at a few things, the ideas and thoughts that come to him while together with you. he's even more embarrassed as he goes to his sister for advice on how to deal with such emotions. he reads books, fiction of romance that he does best to turn into your reality. it's not perfect— he's still clueless on what's a really good date— but he's always trying harder just for you.

it's not often that he gets free time, but once he does, he's quick to seek you out... after his sister of course. for many good reasons, actually. other than the usual check in with his sister he loves so dearly, she is more helpful than most others despite her teasing. serval is a big source of support in his relationship with you, not to say you two can't handle it yourselves. he's just rather clueless about love as a whole sometimes, and she's there to give him a little nudge in the right direction. thanks to her, gepard brought you flowers once, and he does it every so often.

never underestimate the lengths he'd go for you. he may be constantly out there in the front lines trying to combat the antimatter legion and the fragmentum, and he may be busy with training the guards or some other silvermane business, but he would always keep you in mind. you're part of his motivation, and you've grown to be the biggest part of it. you could tell him it's nothing important, if you ask for something, like a favour or likewise, but because it's you, he'll put it right at the top of his priorities. you are his priority.

dates are difficult, especially when you're captain of the guards. walking around with him attracts more attention than any other thing, but it doesn't stop him from inviting you out. the luxuries of belobog would be easy for him to indulge in, as a landau and as captain, but truly, simply spending time with him is enough. your favourite dates are ones where you freely walk aimlessly in the day, perhaps after a bite to eat. fresh snowfall is light upon the city streets, unlike the eternal freeze. you find it hard to resist temptation, letting yourself be swept off your feet for a sweet kiss in the everlasting winter snow.

gepard landau has an immense lack of charm. he's stubborn, he's uncompromising, and maybe even a little dense or a little blunt. but the brighter side of these qualities always show around you. he'll find a way to see you, and he won't rest until he has. his lack of knowledge in this department has him cutely flustered from time to time, but also has him doing unknowingly romantic things. he loves you, and he wants you to know that.

#crysts.corner #trailblazer.cryst #welt yang #hsr welt #welt x reader #hsr welt x reader #welt yang x reader #gepard #gepard landau #hsr gepard #gepard x reader #hsr gepard x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai: star rail #honkai star rail

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retroellie · 7 months

Note

Have you thought about something to twisted games but reader reveals that noone has ever went down on her and darl wants to be the first and only one to do it?

Summary: Daryl is surprised to hear you had never been gone down on... He wants that changed immediately

A/N: I've been dead again I know, but y'all I'm in college now, and lemme tell you... I'm so tired of writing essays :( i needed a break from them and college life so have this :) also, the gif looks goofy as hell... it's the first time I've made a gif on my laptop lmao

Warnings: Cunnilingus, pussy-eating, fingering, some dirty talk

Word Count: 2.6K

It had been a lazy day today, at least as lazy as it could get in the apocalypse. You had woken up and helped out with gardening while Daryl went out on a small run with Michonne but then you had both met back at your shared home. You had come home first and you weren’t there long before you were in the shower. That’s where Daryl had caught you, he didn’t think you would mind if he joined you. It was an innocent shower. Surprisingly, Daryl helped wash your hair and he allowed you to wash his back gently as you didn’t want to hurt the scars lying there, as if they would hurt anymore.

The relationship was new, like 2 months. You guys were still finding things about each other, like his scars. You hadn’t known about his abusive childhood or the scars that reside on him, not everyone knew. You found out only a month ago when you guys first had sex, you had been underneath him, feeling him quite literally stretching you open. You had run your hands down his back and felt the raised scars, at first it didn’t register what had happened but you had suspicions. Then after, you were laying in bed watching him get dressed and that’s when you saw them.

You kept quiet about it, not wanting to upset him but you knew. So everything was just new to y’all, it was all so exciting and nerve-racking. After your shower, you both took a long much-needed nap. Daryl had his head buried in your chest as he literally laid on top of you. You loved how comfortable he had gotten with you, he was once cold towards you and would barely touch you or let you touch him. Now he was always on you and he always craved your touch.

When Daryl had woken up though he had gotten a little too needy, walking you up with kisses along your neck as he pressed his knee against your cunt. You had woken up pretty fast, the pleasure coursing through your body and making your body heat up. So now here y’all were, Daryl tongue fucking your mouth as you sleepily bucked your hips into his leg. It was pure heaven at that moment.

It all had been normal enough, nothing new simply because Daryl didn’t want to be too rough with you, especially after being so laid back all day but soon his kisses had trailed off down your neck. He made his way down your chest, then your stomach, then your thighs. You were quick to push him off, not trying to freak him out but you were confused as to why he had his face down there.

“What are you doing?” You asked, confusion reeked through your comment.

Daryl squinted his eyes at you, sitting back on his knees as he shared your confusion. He thought maybe you had been kidding or maybe you just didn’t want to do that right now, maybe you just wanted to dry hump him and then fall asleep once again.

“What does it look like I’m doing…” he chuckled, hands settling back on your thighs but he stayed sitting on his knees.

“I don’t know… that’s why I asked.” You threw back at him, it sounded mean but you were really just confused.

You hadn’t been with many people, you weren’t too experienced. Maybe 2 partners at least and one of them you only had sex once with. You didn’t know much about sex and honestly, Daryl taught you a lot within the month you guys had been going at it. He taught you how to position your mouth while giving a blow job so you don’t choke, how to roll your hips instead of bouncing yourself when riding someone, how to rub your clit teasingly while touching yourself because it makes you cum better and most importantly how to speak up in bed, demanding what you wanted and communicating that towards him. You knew what these things were, you just had to be taught it. But this… whatever Daryl was trying to do was new to you.

“Has no one ever gone down on ya before?” He asked, watching as your face contorted into more confusion as if that was possible. “Ya know, like ate you out?”

You shook your head, considering the fact you had never heard of these terms or had anyone face level with your cunt like Daryl had just done, you probably hadn’t. The thought made Daryl kind of upset, Daryl had remembered the first time you had openly admitted to having your first orgasm with him so he shouldn’t be surprised. In all honesty, he hasn’t been too big of a fan of your ex-boyfriend.

Daryl had met him, he was some college motherfucker who was still in his annoying “drunk college frat boy” era even at age 25. He was annoyed by him but so intrigued by you, he was intrigued by the fact you were with someone like that asshole. What upset him was how your ex-boyfriend used to fuck you, as creepy as it sounds, Daryl would listen to y’all. Not that he had much of a choice, you both had been neighbors to him in almost every location you had stayed in.

He could hear your fake pornographic moans as you pretended to cum, it was obvious but your boyfriend at the time only cared for himself. It was always the same position too, you had told Daryl this after y’all had gotten together. It was always super vanilla and you would never cum, ever. Daryl could tell your ex-boyfriend only cared for himself, in bed and out. That’s how he ended up dead in the first place, he ran off while you were stuck in a hoard only you had someone to save you… Daryl. He ended up getting caught by the hoard later on, but Daryl didn’t even think to go find him.

Daryl knew of your inexperience but this… this was simply unacceptable for him. The thought of you never getting eaten out, never having your pussy eaten out nice and right like you deserved, created a deep desire within him. He wanted to make you scream, wanted to edge you until you were begging to cum, he wanted to make sure his name was carved onto your tongue for the rest of your life but for now, on this lazy day, he was okay with just allowing you to slowly come undone on his tongue.

“Do ya trust me?” He asked, rubbing soft circles on your thighs as he spoke.

You did trust Daryl, with your entire life. It just made you nervous especially when you didn’t know what he was trying to do. There were so many things you didn’t know about yourself, your body was almost completely foreign to you so you weren’t sure what you liked quite yet. You did know you wanted Daryl to make you feel good and if he thought this was a way to do it, you would let him.

“Of course, I just don’t know what ‘going down on you’ means…” You stated, throwing up quotation marks with your hands as you quoted him. Daryl just chuckled, slightly pushing you down but it was more like he was guiding you to lay back down.

“If you stop talking and just let me show you…” he said, pecking your lips once more before he slowly once again kissed his way down your body. “Just trust me, that’s all I’m asking bunny… You know you can always just tell me to stop if you don’t like it.”

You let out a soft moan as he left soft love bites on your chest, leading them down to your core once more. You decided to just let him do what he needed, you knew if you ever felt uncomfortable Daryl would stop almost immediately. You kept your eyes on the ceiling, a bit embarrassed by his face being so close to your cunt, it felt more like a gynecologist visit than sex but you decided to let it get better.

Daryl trailed his kisses down to the inside of your thighs, kissing them one by one as he trailed higher and higher until his nose dug into your clothed pussy. He gasped as his nose hit your clit, swollen and soaked as he chuckled at your reaction. You threw your head back, biting your lip to hold back your moans, which honestly were quite embarrassing since he had yet to even touch you. Daryl sucked on the inside of your thigh, allowing you to feel his nose rub against you as he left a hickey.

He selfishly wanted to keep this moment going, wanted to tease you and see how even the littlest amount of touch made your toes curl. He decided to stop his teasing though because if he was honest, he felt eager to taste you. He kissed your love-bitten thighs once more before poking his head out from underneath you.

"Can I take these off?" He asked, hooking his finger underneath the band of your underwear.

You nodded your head, your eyes still on the ceiling as you were too embarrassed to look into his blue eyes. Daryl had noticed this, noticing your hands on your stomach as you scratched at it. In other words, Daryl could see you slowly going crazy at the feeling already.

"Hey, bunny..." He grinned, reaching up to grip your chin to look down at him. "It ain't gonna be fun if I can't see them pretty eyes..."

You managed to peel your eyes away from the ceiling and finally look at him as his hand rested on your chin. You smirked, murmuring a soft "sorry" as you watched him retract his hand and place it back on your thigh. He opened them slowly, as wide as you were comfortable with.

"Good girl... just stay like that for me hm..." He whispered out, his hot breath against your clothed cunt.

He smirked up at you, hooking his hand underneath your underwear before sliding them down your legs. He was soft with it, running his hand along your leg as he took them off so slowly you thought you were cum just then. You watched his every move with wide eyes, watching him get back into the position he was before. He could've warmed you up but he couldn't handle it anymore, so he dove in.

He was soft with it at first, and the kitten licked your clit as he rubbed up and down your slit. This action made you want to close your legs subconsciously, the action so sudden and quick your body tried to reject this foreign feeling. Daryl kept your thighs open though, one hand on your thigh as the other massaged your slit. You moaned softly, having a hard time making eye contact with him.

You knew right off the bat this was going to be a problem for you, you knew you would not be able to look at his lips or tongue the same anymore. You knew he would be kissing those lips more than he would your actual lips, but Daryl was completely okay with that. Daryl continued his soft actions until he felt you would go insane if he didn't speed up.

He slowly started licking up your slit, teasing your opening with his finger and sometimes sticking his tongue in just to hear the high-pitched moan you would make. Daryl made sure he didn't miss a single spot of your cunt, making sure he was licking up every single drip of you and allowing it to rest on his tongue as he tasted the sweetness of it. He couldn't explain how good you tasted to him, it was as though he was starving for so long and he finally got a taste of the sweet food he's been missing out on for his entire life. It was addictive.

"Fuck... Daryl..." You moaned out, your voice box already giving out as you squeezed your eyes shut and gripped the sheets.

Daryl just smiled at your reaction and decided it was the perfect time to shove his 2 fingers in you. He knew you would not be able to last very long, and he was okay with that for now, obviously, he would definitely work your tolerance up to it soon enough but now he was okay with being your first. Daryl wanted to make sure you would never forget this moment like he did with anything when it came to pleasuring you. He wanted to make sure if a younger or more handsome dude came around, you would know who fucked you the best.

Daryl started a slow pattern on your clit, soft kisses followed by kitten licks and then sucking on it before he would slowly rub it with his thumb. It was a crazy pattern, very sporadic, but it was his way of trial and error, seeing which technique made your toes curl the most. So far, you seemed to really like when he sucked on it softly so he made sure to do that the most. He continued his abuse, feeling your walls close against his fingers as it became harder and harder to finger fuck you.

"Fu... dar... I'm... c...fuc..." You could literally not get a single word out of your mouth before a moan would hit you.

Your toes were curled, your mouth agape as you're back arched up until your head was thrown back into the pillows. Daryl started to push his fingers in and out of you at a medium speed, not wanting to overwhelm you too much, and his mouth began to suck softly on your clit. He could tell you were on the edge when your moans turned to screams, feeling your walls tighten even more.

The tight coil in your stomach finally snapped, cumming onto Daryl's fingers with a scream as you shook violently. Your thighs wanted to close around his head but Daryl kept them wide open. daryl fucked and sucked you through your orgasm, feeling your walls contract against his long fingers as you're juices flowed down them. You couldn't stop moving, you're squirming became unbearable and that's when Daryl decided to stop his movements.

He pulled his fingers out of you, stuffing them in his mouth. You watched him in amazement, a new sheet of arousal dripping from your swollen cunt. Daryl made his way back up to you, seeing how sweaty you had become. Daryl smiled down at you with his soaked face, holding himself above you. He popped his fingers out of his mouth before leaning down to kiss you.

You could taste yourself on his lips, it was almost nauseating as everything became too much for you. You ran a hand through his hair, pulling it slightly as you melted into the kiss. Daryl had to physically pull you away from him so you could breathe, he loved how needy you had become. You were so unsure of it at first and now you had fallen in love with it, fallen in love with him even more as he was the one who opened you up to it.

"You liked it huh?" He spoke, pushing some hair out of your face as it stuck to your sweaty forehead. You nodded aggressively, "liked" was an understatement. "Knew my bunny would... Do you need anything, hun?" He asked, slightly concerned at your rapid heartbeat.

You just bite your lip, pulling him into another kiss before pushing him down by his shoulders. He knew what you wanted, he knew you wanted him to go down on you again and he wasn't the one to turn that down.

"Needy little thing huh?" He chuckled as he kissed down your body once more.

"Less talking and more going down on me" You joked back, watching him place himself back in the position he once was in.

"don't gotta tell me twice darlin," He grinned up at you before diving back in.

#daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon smut #the walking dead fanfiction #daryl dixon #the walking dead #twd daryl #daryl dixion imagine #daryl dixon x reader

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sansaorgana · 5 days

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Oh my God, would you write a little something about their little daughter/son or (twins?) walking in on reader and Buck? Pretty please? 😅🫠

hi, sugar! 🍬 thank you for your request, it's such a cute idea. 🥺 I love imagining Buck as a husband and a father and all these domestic things. 🏡

I had to currently close the requests because I got so many so I'm working on them atm 🙏🏻

🔞 THIS FIC IS 18+ 🔞

You hadn’t been intimate with your husband for a long while now. Taking care of energetic twin preschoolers was taking up most of your time and even when you happened to have free time at the end of the day, you were often too tired to start anything. Which was a misfortune because you wanted at least one more child with Buck. You dreaded the day your son and daughter would go to school – you wanted to be busy with another little baby in the meantime.

You gave it a try tonight because after a long day spent in the park, running around the playground, your twins had fallen asleep very quickly. So, there you were, laying under your husband’s warm and strong body, with your thighs around his waist pushing him deeper and deeper as your back arched and his full lips were muffling your soft moans with a kiss. Your hands were squeezing his biceps as his were cupping your face; the rhythm of his hips was steady but not too fast and not too rough. Buck Cleven was not the type to fuck. He was making love to you.

After a few weeks of no intimacy at all, you could feel your release coming very fast and you only hoped you’d have more than one round on that night. So lost in pleasure and chasing the high, enamoured by your husband’s flushed cheeks, a single golden hair strand falling down on his forehead and his beautiful blue eyes staring at you lovingly whenever he’d break the passionate kiss to catch a breath… you simply didn’t hear the noise in the corridor.

“Mummy, daddy…!” Your little girl’s whine interrupted you as she pushed the door open without knocking. Her twin brother followed and you froze with widened eyes as you panicked.

But Buck never panicked. That man was always calm and always knew what to do, it was impressive. No matter what the situation was, his calmness was working miracles to make you feel safe and taken care of. He made sure that you were both covered with the blanket and turned around to look at your children.

“Minnie, I’ve been telling you to always knock,” Buck scolded her gently. Her lower lip trembled as she squeezed tighter the teddy bear she was holding.

“But daddy, Bobby is mean to me! He says there is a monster under my bed…” She was on the verge of tears.

“I really saw him!” Bobby denied the accusations. “I wasn’t trying to scare her! There is a monster under her bed.”

“Funny!” Minnie faced him. “Why under mine and not yours then?”

You took a deep breath in and sighed. They were only children and it was difficult to be angry at them for this but you weren’t pleased either.

“And what are you doing?” Bobby squinted his eyes at his parents.

“We… We are talking,” Buck answered awkwardly, his cheeks flushing even more. However, your little boy didn’t seem to be convinced. “And cuddling,” Buck added quickly so the answer was more believable.

“Why are you naked?” Minnie asked and you furrowed your brows at her.

“How do you know?” You asked and she pointed at your nightgown on the floor. “Well, it’s hot here,” you quickly made up an excuse and rubbed your sweaty forehead. “Go back to sleep, darlings, there are no monsters under any bed in this house. Monsters are too scared of daddy,” you tried to make them go away as quickly as possible.

“Then daddy should inspect,” Bobby crossed his hands.

You looked up at Buck’s face and he sighed with a gentle smile. He was a big softie for his children and that was one of the reasons why you loved him so much. He moved away delicately, making sure you were still both covered with a blanket.

“Can you hand me that, love?” You pointed at your nightgown and your daughter picked it up to give it to you. You put it on over your head and let it fall down, allowing Buck to take more of the blanket for himself. He left the bed with it around his waist as if it was a towel and he picked up his own underwear from the carpet.

“I’ll go and inspect in a moment, “ he winked at Bobby and went to the bathroom.

When he left the bed with the blanket, you spotted your panties scattered somewhere down the mattress. You quickly grabbed them before the kids could notice and you turned your back on them on the edge of the bed to put them back on.

When you were completely dressed up again, you spotted that Minnie was already in the middle of your bed, laying her head on your pillow and cuddling her teddy bear.

“What are you doing, Minnie?” You asked her and caressed her hair.

“I want to sleep here tonight,” she gave you puppy eyes.

“But daddy will go there and show you that there are no monsters,” you assured her.

Gale left the bathroom at that very moment, already in his pyjamas. He carefully put the blanket over you and Minnie as he leaned in to kiss her forehead.

“You coming with me, young man?” He asked Bobby and the boy nodded, feeling important as he followed his father out of the bedroom.

Minnie moved closer to you and put her tiny arms around your waist. You sighed and kissed the top of her head with a smile. You already knew there would be no way you’d go back to your lovemaking tonight. Minnie was starting to doze off in your arms and you watched her sweet angel face lovingly.

Buck and Bobby came back to your bedroom. Your husband had a playful smile on his lips and your heart skipped a beat at the sight. He was so adorable, you were so happy to be his wife.

“There are no monsters under the bed,” Gale ruffled his son’s hair as he stated. Then he raised an eyebrow at half-asleep Minnie.

“I guess she stays here tonight,” you whispered.

“Me too, then!” Bobby jumped inside the bed and laid beside his sister.

Minnie turned around and clinged to him adorably. Buck joined you all in bed and adjusted the blanket over you.

“You okay, baby?” He asked as he caressed your cheek.

“Yeah,” you nodded. The heat was long gone now, you were mostly sleepy. “And you, sweetheart?”

“Perfectly fine,” Buck assured you. He turned off the light on the bedside table and put his arm around his wife and babies, curled up together between their parents as they fell asleep; feeling safe and loved. Like you always wanted them to feel. It was the most important thing in the world for you.

When you woke up, the bed was already empty. You rubbed your eyes and glanced at the clock. It was nine already and you wondered how it was possible that you had been allowed to sleep for so long and no one had been trying to wake you up to prepare breakfast. The mystery was solved soon enough when Buck entered the bedroom quietly. He was still wearing pyjamas as well.

“Oh, you’re awake now,” he pointed out as he got under the blanket to greet you with a kiss. “You were sleeping so peacefully. I made them breakfast and now they’re watching the kids’ program on TV. That gives us about half an hour,” he pointed out in a whisper as he smirked.

“You’re so needy, Major Cleven,” you giggled and cupped his face.

“I’m starving, Mrs. Cleven,” he admitted before peppering your face with tiny sweet kisses. Once he was done, he focused on your exposed neck as his hips lowered down and you felt his erection between your legs already.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, you lifted yourself up and joined your lips together in a heated kiss as you got rid of each other’s clothes. You knew that you had no time to waste if you wanted to finally get the job done.

When you were both naked, hands wandering all around each other’s bodies while kissing and shushing each other, Gale pushed you down softly and positioned himself above you with his elbows on both sides of your head as you raised your thighs to put them around his waist and impatiently guide him inside you. He pressed his forehead to yours with a hiss at the feeling of your warm, wet and pulsating pussy.

Your back arched as you threw your head back, exposing your neck even further for your husband’s sweet and needy kisses as his hips thrusted into you firmly, hitting all the right spots with military precision.

Just like on the night before, it didn’t take long for you to feel the reaching peak overtaking you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you gasped and dug your fingernails in his shoulders. Buck grunted softly and picked up his pace.

You came with a soft moan and he joined your lips together quickly to muffle the sounds leaving your mouth. He needed a few more chaotic thrusts before spilling himself inside of you as his eyes shut close and his sweaty forehead pressed to yours.

“God, finally,” you sighed with a chuckle and he smirked. You raised your hands to caress the scars on his cheeks gently.

“You better find them a nanny for the weekend,” he rubbed your nose with his, “because I don’t want you out of this bed for hours, Mrs. Cleven.”

You giggled like a schoolgirl at his words.

“Sir, yes, sir,” you nodded.

MASTERLIST || BUCK MASTERLIST

#sansaorgana: Answered #lovely anons #*buck #gale cleven x reader #austin butler x reader #lilysfiction

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gurugirl · 1 month

Note

Would U ever do a good boy harry like prologue kinda takes place before the series where harry likes hear her moaning in her sleep and starts wanking to her on the other side of the wall or something

Well I'm a sucker for this kind of thing... not really a true prologue but YES WHY NOT. Written very fast! Thank you to the anon who suggested this 🙈

Summary: Harry's stepmom is moaning in her bedroom and Harry can't help himself.

Word Count: 1,074

Warning: masturbation, slight exhibitionist kink, inappropriate relationship/fantasy, this is stepmom!reader x stepson!harry (everyone is an adult here - I do not write smut with minors just as a reminder!)

A Good Boy masterlist

Harry tried not to think about her that way. About his stepmom. God, she was hot. Just a bit older than he was with the cutest laugh and the way she would twirl her fingers in his long hair every time he went to his dad's to visit would drive him crazy.

And only an hour before she was trying to get him to let her braid it. So he let her a little but his dick was expanding in his joggers and he got up halfway through and apologized, running off to his bedroom before she could get a peek at what was happening to his cock. He had to finish himself to the image of her licking her lips and looking at him with her pretty doe eyes.

What was wrong with him? Aside from the fact that he was a virgin still. An adult in college who hadn't yet gotten laid. Perhaps that was why he was so hard up for her. But it wasn't like she was the only girl to ever give him any kind of attention. It's just that Y/n's attention was so innocent. The sweet hugs and subtle touches. The conversations about nothing and the way she'd be wearing the shortest goddamn shorts after tennis all sweaty and gulping down her water in the kitchen without care. Which always had him running up to his room and wanking off like a damn teenager.

But at that moment? With the house dark and quiet he could hear her in her bedroom. Yes her bedroom. She and his father didn't share a room. It was an odd arrangement but Harry knew better than to ask too many questions. All he knew was that if she were his he’d have her in his bed next to him every night. But of course, she wasn’t his. She was his dad’s wife.

He wasn't completely sure that what he was hearing was what he thought he was hearing. Little moans. Soft and breathy. Her door was cracked open and so was his.

Another long sigh from her had him sitting up in bed and straining to hear more. He knew his father was in his own bedroom and long asleep so she wasn't with him.

"Mmmm..." it was muffled and quiet but the house was also quiet and Harry couldn't mistake the sound. He closed his eyes and laid his head back into his pillow.

He'd tried and failed so many times to keep his thoughts out of the gutter with her but he'd already had full-on fantasies about her before. And he figured she'd never find out that he could hear her. What was the harm if he could just stroke himself a little while she moaned? No one had to know.

Harry pulled his tissue box next to himself on his bed and spit into his palm. His cock was already hard. Pathetic when he really thought about it. Because he'd already fucked his fist and nutted not that long before thinking about Y/n.

When he smoothed his hand down his shaft he parted his lips and spread his legs, long strokes up and down his length as he heard another gasp from her room. Smoothing his thumb over his slit he felt he was already dripping for her. Precome pushing from his tip. He pulled the moisture down himself and used his other hand to fondle his balls and he whimpered into his pillow after he flipped himself to his tummy. He didn't want her to hear him the way he could hear her.

He rutted down into his fist, his face heating up and heart pounding as her own little moans grew more frequent. He could almost see her in his mind’s eye. Pretty body, all soft and supple, perked nipples dancing over wobbly soft tits as she slid her fingers over her pussy that he would give almost anything to look at. He wondered if she was using a toy or just her hands. Wondered if she was humping a pillow or who she was imagining. Did she look at porn to get herself in the mood? Had she gotten turned on from braiding his hair earlier? Unlikely, he thought to himself.

Fucking down into his fist he imagined her body under his, imagined he was dipping into her sweet hole and bringing those noises to her lips, making her gush as she raked her nails down his back.

"Fuck me..." he whispered with his mouth smashed into his pillow as he felt his balls tighten and his insides get all sticky and mushy and hot.

He quickly pulled a wad of tissues from the box and laid them down over the mattress and went back to his desperate strokes as his stepmom gasped and panted, the sound of what he thought could be her coming had his brain spinning and his cock throbbing as he beat himself tip to root, over and over again until he was spurting out all the sticky mushy come that had built up in his balls and poured it over the tissues. He moaned loudly just as Y/n's own noises were halted. She'd finished right before he had. If that was in fact what she’d been doing. He had his doubts but what else could it have been?

He breathed heavily as he tugged at his cock one last good stroke before he sat back to his haunches and wiped his hand with the tissues and tossed the mess into his garbage.

The house was silent again and he heard light footsteps over hardwood planks in the floor, “Night Harry,” her soft whispered voice sounded just before he heard her door click close. She'd either just realized her door was cracked open or she knew all along. Harry didn't imagine she'd done it on purpose.

However, the night Harry was something. Wasn’t it? Had she heard him? Did she know he was still awake? Was this a test?

But no. He couldn’t think like that. He was already in too deep with his feelings for his stepmom. She was a nice young woman who was sweet to him. That’s all it was. Nothing more. It would be impossible that she’d find her husband’s son attractive. That she’d just masturbated and let him hear her on purpose. That she wanted to get a rise out of him. Definitely not.

But then again…

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once-upon-an-imagine · 4 months

Text

Always On My Mind - Steve Harrington

A/N: omg! I have no idea how this happened 😊 I finally got this out and I really, really hope you like it as much as the first one! thank you so much for all the love (and for the patience!)

Warnings: reader is hurt (like badly hurt) but it's only mentioned at the beginning, I think that's it but let me know if I missed anything. also, this is a sequel to You Keep Me Hanging On so I would advise you read that one first (link at the bottom)

Disclaimer: I don’t own Stranger Things :) gif isn’t mine :D

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Always On My Mind

If I made you feel second-best I'm so sorry I was blind You were always on my mind You were always on my mind

You were trying extremely hard to focus. It was over. You had made it. You were back at Hawkins and you made it to the hospital. Max was hurt. And so was Eddie. Although his injury wasn’t as bad because you ran out to help him. You saw the nurses take Max one way and Eddie the other way. You turned around and saw Robin comforting Erica and making sure they would check her as well since that idiot Andy basically attacked her. And on the other side, you saw Steve. He was trying his best to calm Lucas and Dustin down. You blinked a few times and you tried to make your way to them but…

“You’re bleeding!” you heard Nancy’s voice next to you. You opened your mouth to say something but blood came out. “Oh my God!” Nancy grabbed you when you were about to hit the floor. “STEVE!”

You tried to stay up with Nancy’s help and you saw Steve, Dustin, and Lucas look your way. Steve felt his heart drop the second he saw you. You had blood on your stomach and you were trying to hold yourself up. You heard him screaming your name as he ran over to you, to help you keep you up.

“Sweetheart, look at me!” he said, placing his hand on your cheek while you heard Dustin and Lucas screaming for someone to help them. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt? I asked you if you were hurt!” he said with a few tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m s-sorry” you before your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you almost collapsed on the floor but Steve quickly held you, screaming for a doctor to help as you passed out in his arms.

“HELP!”

Steve jumped awake on his bed and felt he was sweating cold. He placed his hand on his chest and he could feel his heart beating incredibly fast. He sat down on the bed and grabbed the glass of water on the nightstand to calm himself down.

It had been a few weeks after they came back from the UpsideDown. Max was still at the hospital, and you and Eddie had been staying with him. Mostly because Eddie was still kind of lying low since a lot of people still thought he was a murderer. And you, because your parents were out of town with his parents and cared about just as much that their daughter was in the hospital. He ran a hand through his hair and got out of his parents’ bed. He walked over to his room where you were staying and silently opened the door, sighing in relief when he saw you peacefully asleep. He closed the door and walked downstairs to the kitchen, where he found his other guest.

“Munson-”

“Jesus H. Christ!” Eddie jumped a little, turning around to see Steve. “You scared the shit out of me, man” he said, placing his hand on his chest as he held his crutch on his right hand.

“Um, what are you doing?” Steve asked confused.

“Well… I was just… a bit hungry” Eddie explained.

“Are you high?”

“Uh… would you be upset if I was?”

“No” Steve shrugged.

“Then yes, I am very much high, Harrington” he smiled politely at him. “You want some?” he asked, pointing at the joint on the counter.

“You know what? Yes” Steve said, grabbing it and taking a hit.

“Alright, now it’s a party” Eddie chuckled when Steve coughed a little. “You okay there, man?”

“Yeah, it’s just… been a while” he said. “Let me grab those for you” he said, walking over to the cabinet where Eddie was trying to reach for the chips.

“Thanks” Eddie said grabbing something to drink too and the brownies you had made earlier before the two of them walked to the living room. “So, what’s up?”

“What?” Steve asked, confused.

“Why can’t you sleep? Did you have another nightmare?”

“Yeah” Steve said, drinking his soda. “You?”

“Yep” Eddie said, grabbing the chips. “Those fucking bats really made a number on my leg man” he said, looking at the cast on his right foot. “You know… I may have not made it if it wasn’t for her, right?” Steve silently nodded. After you were taken by the doctor, Dustin confessed that you had gone out to help Eddie and the bats attacked you instead but you kept insisting he had it worse. “Was your nightmare about her?”

He had never talked about that moment after it happened. He had been glued to you the entire time, never leaving your side and taking care of your every need. He didn’t speak while you were out, which was about a day. And when you woke up, he yelled at you. He was so angry for you running out to help Eddie and he told you how reckless and careless you were. The two of you hadn’t spoken since, except for Steve letting you know you’ll be staying with him and asking every now and then if you needed anything.

“She fainted in my arms, man” Steve said. “There was blood coming out of her mouth and… her body and…” he closed his eyes. “I thought she was dead” he said, with his voice breaking a little. “I didn’t notice” he continued. “When we got to you and Dustin, she just said to help you and that you were bleeding horribly and that we needed to bring you back and then Max was even worse and…” he sighed. “And I didn’t see she was in pain” he said, sitting back. “How could I have been so stupid? And then when she wakes up instead of being glad that she’s gonna be okay I yelled at her!”

“Yeah, that was probably not your best move” Eddie chuckled as Steve placed his hands over his face and rested his elbows on his legs.

“She probably hates me now and I wouldn’t blame her” he said, brushing a hand through his hair.

“Seriously? You have to be dumber than I thought, Harrington” Eddie laughed. “She doesn’t hate you” he insisted and Steve looked at him. “Do you honestly think she’ll still be here if she hated you?”

“Well she’s hurt and-”

“And she doesn’t give a fuck about that. You and I know her well enough to know that she does whatever she wants. I told her to stay back and she didn’t listen to me. You told us to stay on the boat when we were at the lake and she didn’t care. Do you think she would stay here just because you told her to? She could go to Wheeler’s or Robin’s-”

“Maybe it’s because you’re here too. She’s worried about you-”

“Yeah, because that’s who she is. She would rather help get me and Max to the hospital before saying she was hurt too. Trust me, Harrington, that means nothing, man” he said, taking another puff of the joint.

“Well, since you seem to know so much and I don’t, why don’t you enlighten me, Munson, and tell me why you think she’s here” Steve glared at him a little.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he said, letting the smoke out. “Because of you” he simply said.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Well, maybe, and I’m just thinking out loud here, she was waiting for you to tell her that you love her back?” he said, making Steve choke on the soda he was drinking.

“H-how do you-?”

“Know about that? She’s my friend, man. Unlike you, I didn’t yell at her and told her she was stupid for doing what she did. I thanked her for helping me and we talk all the time” he explained. “Unlike you, who has been avoiding her like the plague” he laughed.

“I have not!”

“Seriously, dude? Other than, ‘Do you need anything?’ and ‘Are you hungry?’ you’ve barely spoken to her” he explained.

“I was… trying to give her some space” Steve tried to reason with him.

“She doesn’t want space, man! God, you are so stupid!” he said, getting closer to him and hitting the back of his head.

“Ouch!”

“Snap out of it, man! I mean it! We went over this I told you when we were on the UpsideDown. For some reason, which, believe me, for the life of me, I still do not understand, that girl loves you. She loves you, man! She told you even though she thought you still loved Wheeler, do you understand how brave that shit is? And you still haven’t told her? You’re running away dude, and, do you know who never, ever rushes into anything and instead runs away from shit?”

“Cowards” Steve said, feeling even worse.

“Exactly. And whatever I’ve called you in the past, Harrington, you are no coward. So, what the fuck is it? Are you seriously still hung up on Nancy Wheeler-?”

“No! I am not in love with Nancy, okay?” Steve snapped.

“Then what the fuck is your problem, Steve?”

“Ugh!” he grunted. “I can’t believe I’m discussing this with Eddie Munson” he sighed.

“I’m gonna choose to take that as a compliment” Eddie smirked.

“Why do you even care? Wouldn’t you want me to screw up so you can be with her?”

“Whoa, dude where did you get that idea? We’re just friends” Eddie insisted.

“Really? Because the two of you seemed really close when we were on the UpsideDown, and you said ‘If I were you, I would not take her for granted, man. 'Cause that was as unambiguous a sign of true love as these cynical eyes have ever seen. And if you let her go, someone else might not be so stupid’” he said, mocking Eddie’s voice.

“Okay, now I do take offense. I don’t sound like that” Eddie glared at him. “Look, I’m not blind. She’s pretty and she has a kickass personality. If she weren’t totally hung up on you, I might even think that I may have a chance and go for it. But it’s useless. She wants you for some reason. And it’s not like I’m in love with her like you are” he shrugged.

“Stop saying that!” Steve complained.

“Why? Aren’t you?” Eddie smirked. Steve took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair again.

“Look, the last time… I said that to anyone” he started. “It just… it didn’t go well” he told Eddie. “Like at all” he said sadly. “And I guess I’m just… scared that… she’s also going to realize that she can do a lot better than me and the same thing is going to happen” he said, sadly. “Maybe that’s it. I’m not meant to be with anyone. I don’t really deserve it-”

“Alright, stop being so dramatic” Eddie said, rolling his eyes. “First of all, I’m flattered that you think I’m a lot better than you” he smirked.

“I didn’t necessarily mean you-”

“And secondly, as much as you know that I hate to admit it… Dustin’s right man. You are a good dude. Trust me, I experienced first class of the asshole that was King Steve” he said, making Steve glare a little at him. “But, I don’t really see that guy anymore. I mean, you even took me in” he said. “You drive the kids every day to see Max. You drive Robin wherever she needs to go. You helped at the whole donation thing Mrs. Wheeler asked you to. You’ve come a long way, Stevie. And trust me, I’m not the only one who’s noticed” he said, making Steve smile just barely. “Stop being so hard on yourself, man. You deserve to be happy. And so does she” he told him.

“Thanks, man” Steve said, putting his drink up so Eddie would toast with him.

“Sure” he said, getting back to his seat. “Also, if you screw it up, I’m waiting a few months to make a move. Just letting you know now” he chuckled, making Steve glare at him but he laughed a little. Who would thought that King Steve and Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson would have ended up being friends?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Hey” Steve heard your voice as you walked into the kitchen where he was making breakfast. He smiled when he saw you were wearing his yellow sweater.

“Good morning” he smiled nervously.

“Um, I hope you don’t mind I borrowed your sweater. I got cold in the middle of the night” you explained, sitting on one of the counter chairs.

“Let me help you-” Steve said, noticing your pained expression but you stopped him with your hand.

“I’ve got it” you smiled a little. “Thanks” you said. “So, where’s Eddie?” you asked, confused. He was usually up by now.

“Oh, he’s still asleep” Steve informed you and you simply nodded.

Not only were they up very late last night, Eddie said, he would give them some space so he could finally talk to you. He was exhausted but there was no way he wouldn’t be there to help you.

“You know, I had no idea you knew how to cook” you said, all of the sudden. He had been mostly ordering food for the three of you. And you had cereal or frozen waffles for breakfast, unless Eddie was in the mood to cook, who was actually not that bad.

“Um, full disclosure, I have no idea if they’re gonna be any good” he laughed nervously.

“Would you like some help?”

“No-!” he quickly said, turning to you. “Um… you should be resting. I’ve got it” he insisted. “Do you need anything?” he asked, going back to the food and cursing himself for repeating the same question he asked you all the time as Eddie pointed out.

“Um, I’m okay” you told him. “I was actually wondering if um… maybe you can take me to my house later today?” you asked, making Steve drop the spatula in his hand and he turned to look at you.

“Y-you want to go home?” he asked, feeling his heart breaking. Had he missed his chance?

“If you can’t take me is fine. Is not that far. I can probably walk-”

“No!” he said, walking over to you and grabbing your hands in his.

“No?” you asked, confused. Steve looked like he was about to cry. Or throw up. Or both. “Steve, are you okay?”

“Okay. Here it goes” he said, looking away. “I’m sorry” he blurted out. “I am so sorry about everything I did. I am the stupidest man on Earth for making you feel like you didn’t matter to me” he continued. “I am so sorry for yelling at you when you woke up. I was just so angry at myself because I didn’t notice you were hurt. And you didn’t feel like you could tell me and I am so sorry for that!”

“Steve-”

“No, please, let me finish” he interrupted you. “Look, I know that you were upset about the whole Nancy thing and you have every right to” he said. “But, I need you to know that I don’t have feelings for Nancy. Not anymore. She’s just my friend” he insisted. “And…” he sighed. “D-do you remember the first time I called you? And asked you if you could come get me and you stayed with me?”

“I remember” you nodded.

“I wanted to call Robin” he admitted and you frowned, confused. “I have no idea why but I dialed your number and… I felt really embarrassed because I didn’t want you to see me like that. But you came and… you stayed with me and… I knew then” he said in a serious tone.

“Knew what?” you asked, still confused about this whole speech.

“I knew that I was falling for you” he admitted, making your heart flutter. “I know that I was an asshole in high school and that you didn’t like me, even if we’ve known each other our whole lives. And then, I finally got the chance to actually get to know you, and… you were the best person I met. You were there when I broke up with Nancy and when Billy Hargrove beat the shit out of me. You were always there. You stayed with me after the Starcourt thing because you didn’t want me to be alone and you helped me whenever we had job interviews and… you always make me feel like I am worth something and I am so sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise because… you are the most important person in my life. And I am so sorry that I didn’t tell you this sooner” he kept going, not noticing the small smile that was forming on your face. “I’m sorry I yelled at you when you woke up. I know I already said that but… I was just so scared, I thought I had lost you and… I honestly don’t think that I could live without you in my life” he said, with a few tears running down his face.

“Steve-” you said, placing your hand on his face.

“I love you” he finally said, feeling an enormous weight being lifted off his shoulders. “I love you so much, sweetheart. And I am so sorry it took me so long to tell you I was just being a coward because…” he sighed. “You know what happened when I said that to Nancy” he said, looking down at your linked hands. “It destroyed me and… if it’s possible, I love you so much more but… I didn’t think that I was deserving enough of you so… I was running away” he said, looking back at you. “I love you so much and I am so sorry. If you’ll still have me, I would love to be with you, but… if you still want to go home, I respect that too” he said, smiling sadly.

“What? Steve, I was just asking if you could take me home to get more clothes” you explained with a sweet smile, making Steve widen his eyes.

“W-what?”

“But now that I know that you love me” you smirked a little at him and he laughed a little, throwing his head back and you saw him blush.

“Well, I don’t care. I said it. I love you” he repeated.

“I would like to jump over this counter and kiss you right now, but I’m pretty sure you would get mad and say that I’m hurt and that I shouldn't-” you were cut off by Steve walking over to you and leaning down to kiss you.

You had kissed Steve before but it wasn’t like this. Something was different. You didn’t know how it could but it was even more perfect. His arms wrapped carefully around your waist, bringing you closer.

“I love you so much” he repeated, smiling when he saw the look on your face.

“I love you too” you said before he kissed you again. “And, for the record, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was hurt” you admitted. “I didn’t think it was that bad” you told him.

“You still should have told me” he said, brushing your cheek with his thumb.

“I know” you smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry I scared you” you told him. “And that it’s making you have nightmares” you said.

“How did you-? Did Eddie tell you?”

“No” you smiled. “I know you, Steve” you said, as if it was obvious.

“How have you been sleeping?” he asked, worriedly.

“Well, if I’m being honest… I think it would be better if… maybe… you could stay with me?” you asked with a small smile. “If that’s okay?”

Steve hugged you closer to him and kissed your temple. “Whatever you want, sweetheart” he said, kissing you again.

“Not that I’m not loving this moment, but I think the food is burning” you said, making Steve let go of you instantly.

“What?”

“Are you two still figuring shit out or are you together already? I’m hungry!” you heard Eddie’s voice coming from the stairs, making you laugh.

“You can come down, Eddie” you said, as he hopped over to the kitchen with his crutches. “Although as for the food, it doesn’t look good” you said, as Steve tried to salvage what was left of the breakfast he was making.

“Aw, Stevie, you went through all this trouble for me?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Munson” he said, tossing the ruined food. “So… who’s in the mood to go out to eat?”

“This is who you really wanna be with, princess?” Eddie asked you, making you laugh as Steve glared at him, and punched his arm.

“I think it’s sweet that he tried” you said, smiling at Steve.

“Thank you, love” he said, kissing you.

The End

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[Part 1]

A/N: sooo, I really hope you loves like it, and there is a tiny chance that I might do another version where the reader chooses Eddie, but no promises! xD

tags: @nerdygamingartist , @booksandlighters , @vilentia , @plk-18

#stranger things #stranger things imagine #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington oneshot

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auteurdelabre · 5 months

Text

SOMETHING TO FIGHT FOR (SERIES) PART 14

Word Count: 11.6

Pairing: Dad!Joel Miller x f!reader (no use of y/n, no physical descriptions)

Warnings: SMUT AHEAD. SMUT AHEAD. PLEASE BE 18+ READING THIS. Wanna read the rest? Pinned post on my account has my masterlist!

============

Joel and Tess are in his bedroom, but nothing scintillating is about to occur. If anything the mood is sober. Sarah has been asleep for hours, Daniel is at his dads and Tess is sitting at the edge of his bed watching Joel put away his laundry, wondering why he asked her over if he isn’t going to touch her.

Joel can feel Tess' eyes on the back on his head as he pushes the shirts in the drawer aside. He's convinced he's missing one. But he knows that this is a distraction because he’s nervous, panicking about how to start this conversation. Tess watches him dig around in his drawer for several more minutes before snapping.

“Joel what’s going on? Why am I here?”

Joel’s shoulders meet his ears for a second before he turns, looking at Tess with a look that is all too familiar. A look her husband wore when he told her he wanted to end their eight year marriage. The look men wear when they are about to break her heart.

"I thinkin' we should ease up a bit, Tess," Joel finally says his voice a low rumble. She immediately stills.

“I don't understand," Tess says, her face showing her growing panic. She stands, moving towards him. "Did I do something?”

"No," Joel assures her, shaking his head and stepping out of her reach. "Nothing like that. Nothing to do with you. I just . . . I think I thought I was ready for something and I don't know that I was. And that's not fair to you."

She comes to sit next to him on the bed, her hand falling to his knee as she gazes at him.

“What are you trying to say?”

"Maybe we take a break?" Joel answers honestly. "I'm worried Sarah's gonna get confused."

"Sarah never sees me outside of play dates, Joel. Don't try to use your daughter as an excuse."

Tess' arms are crossed over her chest, her defences up. She's completely correct.

"Tess I'm sorry," Joel says, his large brown eyes reflecting the guilt he feels. "It's just too much too fast and I. . . I'm not all in."

He expects Tess to swear at him, to stalk from the room. He expects a slap, a shout that he’s a bastard. Instead she turns her eyes on him and she’s smiling at him like he’s some sweet, naïve thing.

"Joel, you’re just scared. It's totally normal to feel like that. It's a big leap and we both have kids but I think you're worth it."

Tess frowns at Joel's muted response to that. She'd expected a smile or even a gentle agreement. Instead Joel looks down at his hands.

Tess feels her stomach sour at this. She'd thought that she and Joel were in a good spot. Yeah, things had moved a bit quickly at her insistence but that's only because she could see how easily they fit together. They were well matched in disposition and looks. Both had demanding jobs they found satisfying, both had tight knit families,

So then why is he trying to spoil everything now?

"I thought we were good," Tess says tentatively.

"We were- are," Joel self corrects. "It's not that I don't enjoy your company, or that I don't like you. You’re an amazing woman, I really mean it. Its . . . I don't feel right about it, Tess and I think I need a bit of time."

Tess is worrying her lower lip between her teeth, her face thoughtful. She slides closer to Joel on the bed. He notices her thigh pressed tightly against his. She tilts forward, her chest heavy against his arm.

“Joel, whatever it is-“

“I kissed someone,” Joel confesses, his cheeks burning.

Tess feels her eyes blow wide at this. She doesn’t need to ask.

You.

Of course it was you. The niggle in the back of her head. The voice that always told her you were too close to the family she wants for herself. She doesn’t bother asking, doesn’t want to hear the confirmation.

“Is it going to happen again?”

Joel thinks of your mouth and hears your cries of his name as you crested on his thigh. But also thinks of how you’d pushed from him and Paul’s kiss to your cheek and how happy Paul makes you and Joel shakes his head.

“No. It’s not.”

///

You haven’t spoken to Joel for four days. Four impossibly long days. Four days of replaying him guiding you to arch along his thigh, four days of recalling the warmth of his mouth, four days of waiting for Paul to leave the apartment so you can touch yourself groaning out Joel’s name until you’re hoarse.

And four days of insurmountable guilt.

I need to tell Paul.

I can’t.

Telling Paul will hurt him.

No point because it’s not going to happen again. You telling him just makes you feel better but it’ll make Paul feel worse.

Nothing else is gonna happen with Joel.

Nothing else can happen with Joel.

What else could happen with Joel?

Could it happen in his bed?

Stop it.

The phone rings and Joel’s name pops up like a demon come to life. Fuck even his name looks sexy to you right now. Joel Miller. Milllllller. The l’s trace your tongue along the edge of your top teeth suggestively.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you said you had some decorations for the party tomorrow, right?”

“Yep.”

“Mind if I pick them up? I’m in the neighborhood.”

Yes. Yes you do mind. You cannot have Joel here in your house again. You lean against the wall, suddenly breathless.

“I’m not at home,” you lie. “I’ll bring them to you-“

You catch yourself realizing; which is worse? The remembrance of Joel making you come right here against this very wall? Or going to Joel’s house with his lush bed that you’ve definitely imagined gratuitously fucking him on?

“The kids are gonna be at my place watching a movie around four if you wanna come then,” Joel adds in a low tone and you realize the implication.

You two definitely won’t be alone. It’s safe.

“Okay. Four it is.”

///

Smart woman.

Smart to tell him no and that you’d bring the decorations here to his place. Smart because Joel had already been hard, trying not to think about the ache of his cock when he’d called you from the truck.

Smart because he told Tess that it wouldn’t happen again and she’d nodded and held him and told him she understood. That he and she were both adults and that slips happened. Once. That she wanted them to work.

Tess has to work late and asked Joel to babysit. Actually, she asked Joel if you would babysit Daniel over at her place but Joel hadn’t been okay with that. It felt strange to ask you that. So instead he’d brought Daniel here.

Now it’s four pm and Joel pushes himself off the sofa at the sound of the doorbell. Daniel and Sarah sit on the floor, popcorn in his daughters lap as they stare up at the television. She’s so distracted by the movie she doesn’t even notice when you slip away. Daniel glances over only a second before his attention is back on Jiminy Cricket.

He opens the door to see you laden with bags and he immediately feels remorse.

“Here, lemme help,” Joel says, taking the bags from you, heaving them onto his shoulders with ease. He misses the way your eyes widen at the sight, your gaze going dreamy for a moment before you snap to it and carry the rest in after him.

He notices you’re wearing jeans and an extremely baggy sweatshirt that he can only assume is an oversized piece of Paul’s, zipped high on your neck. It hits Joel moments later that you’ve tried to cover your entire body up, to try and hide from him.

Don’t you get that looks are only part of it? And that you covering up just makes him want to uncover you? Unzip that hideous sweatshirt and see what’s underneath? Are you naked? No bra?

Quit it, Miller.

“Did you bring enough shit?” Joel muses, looking at the wide array of bags. You smile softly shrugging at the pile of balloons, decorations, fabric and more.

“I wasn’t sure exactly what you and Tess had decided on,” you reply breezily. “I just brought over a bunch of stuff. Whatever you don’t use I’ll grab after the party.”

Joel nods, watching as you begin to pull things from bags. Joel warns you with a hush that Sarah and Daniel are in the living room down the hall so if you keep your voice down you may just be able to escape without being pulled into watching the Little Mermaid for the millionth time after Pinocchio. You nod in agreement, sure to keep your voice quiet.

“Okay I don’t know what your plan is for before the party, but I always wanted to wake up on my birthday to a room full of balloons. Like, you walk downstairs and it’s just a sea of color you have to wade through.”

“You always wanted that? As an adult?” Joel chides.

“Obviously not as an adult,” you scoff, rolling your eyes. “Well. . . Maybe a little as an adult.”

Joel smirks at the laugh you try to suppress. “Did you ever get it?”

“What do you think? Why do you think I’m trying to get it for Sarah? It’s so at least one of us can experience the joy of a balloon room!”

Joel chuckles softly at this, watching how you busy yourself moving around the crowded table. He knows why you’re doing this – the more you two talk about this, the less time there is to think about him at your house coaxing you to ride his thigh to climax.

Smart woman.

Not too smart though, because the longer he doesn’t have you, the more turned on he gets. Even now as you talk he’s imagining all the things he could do with you.

“But I was thinking we could do all these different shades of purple balloons in the kitchen,” you continue excitedly. “So when she comes to have her birthday breakfast she’ll walk into this giant thing of balloons and that’ll just start the day right.”

“Birthday breakfast?” Joel is smiling widely now. His body moves towards you, instinctively drawing near, neither of you notice as he does this.

“Yeah you know,” you say with a shy smile. “The special breakfast you get on your birthday?”

“What does that entail, usually?”

“Uh. . . Pancakes with little faces in them? Strawberries cut to look like flowers? I don’t fucking know, Joel.”

“Well, in this house we go out for birthday breakfast,” Joel explains. He’s standing so close to you now, his hand almost brushing yours. “Just me and the birthday girl. Makes it special since I already make pancakes for her every fucking Sunday.”

Still smiling you give him a strangely watery look, nodding and then looking away.

///

You move to stand behind the kitchen island, dragging some of the decor over with you. You need to step away from Joel for a moment; you need to give yourself some breathing room.

It’s fucking warm in here.

You unzip the sweatshirt a fraction, needing to release some of the heat that you’re concerned has nothing to do with your choice of clothing and everything to do with Joel’s lips when they curve into a smirk.

You go back to the small frog and toad decor you got from the party store, trying to fit the cardboard pieces together so they create a cute little stand. You’re distracted by this, not even noticing Joel is across from you until you hear his low rasp.

“Is that my shirt?”

Your fingers still. Joel moves to stand next to you at the island, his dark eyes fixed on the grey fabric peeking out from underneath the sweatshirt. Your eyes blow wide, panic overtaking you as you try to even your breathing.

“W-what?”

“Is that my shirt?" Joel repeats in a murmur, his face unreadable. You feel your heart jumping, humiliation now overtaking you.

"No," you lie, putting down the craft and facing away from him. You zip your jacket up to your neck, hiding the shirt again.

Fuck, you’d forgotten you were wearing it.

Your hands go to the top of the island, placing your palms there to steady yourself as your heart throws itself against your ribcage.

You're not expecting Joel’s hand to slide under your hair, pushing it over your shoulder. You go to pull away but his warm fingers skate over your exposed neck. You shiver as his forefinger curls at the edge of the collar, pulling it down so he can see the tag.

"You shop at the Men's Wearhouse?"

"Rummage sale," you gulp. "I-it was in with a bunch of women's stuff. I guess I just assumed-"

Your hands are still on the counter, steadying yourself. You can feel the hot breath of Joel on the back of your neck before he speaks softly.

"Why are you lyin' to me?"

You crane your neck, looking at Joel over your shoulder.

How can you explain it to him? That when you wear it you feel like he's there with you? That you feel good when you carry a part of him around with you? What would he even say to that?

You would never tell him that. He's with Tess. He's made his choice. You're with Paul, you made yours. You'll always be friends. It's the only way you can have him and Sarah in your life. The only way you can survive.

But friends don't look at each other the way you and Joel are right now, do they? Friends don't get so close, practically breathing into one anothers mouths. You tilt your head away from him, needing to steady yourself.

Just focus. Deep breath and then ---

Wordlessly Joel's hands are skimming around to the front of your sweatshirt, pulling down the zipper with a sensual slowness from behind you. It releases at the bottom and he pulls the sweatshirt from your shoulders, sliding it down the crook of your arm before letting it fall to your feet.

You still face away from him, your cheeks blazing because it's so obvious by how it hangs on you that you are in fact wearing Joel’s t-shirt. The one he gave you that night when your clothes had needed to be dried. The clothing you told him you’d return and never did. The t-shirt that you wear to bed sometimes, or out under your usual clothes.

You wait for the humiliating comment. The amused observation that you're obsessed with him.

But it never comes.

Instead his head is tilted forward, his mouth skating up your neck until it reaches your ear.

"I like seein' you in my clothes," Joel murmurs there.

Your eyes shutter at the sensation of his hot breath on your earlobe. His fingers move along the base of the t-shirt, as if he intends to pull it up over your head.

You want him to.

Wait. Wait you want him to? Are you fucking insane?

You know that you’re not alone here. That you could be caught here, bracing yourself on the counter as Joel leans over you, his hands sliding up under the hem of your (his) t-shirt.

Your heart slams against your ribs so harshly you lose your balance, your knees trembling. You worry you're going to faint. You feel his hips press into your back, keeping you steady against the counter.

You should stop, you know this. But Joel is so tall and broad behind you, his lips so soft as he now kisses the side of your neck. Goosebumps break out all over as his warm hand start sliding up your stomach.

You move back as his palms come to cup your breasts, thumbs grazing your already straining nipples through the fabric of your bra. You grip the edge of the counter so tightly your knuckles are white.

"Joel we can't," you murmur, even as you arch yourself into his hands.

"I can't stop," he says almost helplessly against your neck. "I can't-“

His hands are kneading your tits and you grind back against him, your eyes shut languidly. His mouth is skimming along your jaw, teasing you.

You want to stay like this forever.

As he wanted to do that day not so long ago, he unbuttons your jeans and before you can think to stop him; his calloused palm is hurriedly sliding under the band of your panties.

His hand is warm and inviting and feels so good against your skin. He cups your sex in his wide palm before pausing as he looks at you, uncertainty passing over his features and yours.

What are we doing?!

You slip your own hand over his with the focused goal of pulling it from the confines of your under things.

"We can't do this," you say, even though there's no power behind your words.

Something changes in Joel's eyes, a feeling you can't place. Again he pauses, looking at you and inhaling with a shudder.

"We shouldn't," he breathes against your mouth.

"It's wrong," you agree gently, your lips almost brushing against his.

Joel shivers at the near contact, swallowing. You feel him pull back, his hand halfway out of your panties. You relax because you two made the mature decision to stop.

But then Joel's gripped your own hand in his and thrust it into your panties, towards your dripping core.

"What if it's your fingers?" Joel pants hot in your ear. "If it's your fingers it's not wrong, right?"

There's so little logic in that statement you could laugh. But nothing seems funny right now. Joel's his lower lip is quivering with need.

“I… I…”

His thumb has come to land on the back of your hand and he makes tiny circles there as he waits, pressing a kiss to your exposed throat before pulling back. His face is so close to yours, his eyes drinking in your features.

"Show me," he rasps against your cheek as he urges your hand down to land on the dripping slot of your sex. With shaking fingers he urges your digits gently up the soaking seam. "Make yourself come."

You hold in a whimper, terrified you'll be heard. He breathes harshly though his nose and you hold in a moan when you see him start to palm himself through his jeans with his free hand.

"Let me watch," he urges huskily.

He curls your fingers inwards, sliding over your clit. You jump a little, on high alert. He smiles, urging your fingers to splay and then encourages you to begin rubbing before he removes his hand, sliding it up over your abdomen and out of your panties.

It feels so fucking good.

Devastatingly good. And not because of how you're touching yourself or that you could be caught, but because of whom it’s for. It feels good because Joel asked you to do it and you are. It feels good because Joel Miller is hard for you, whispering how much he needs to see you come for him while you wear his clothes.

One of his hands is at vee of his jeans, the other crawling up your t-shirt to knead your breast.

You try to turn away from him, to hide the pleasure that is taking over your features but he forces your cheek back gently with his free hand. He does this until you're facing him over your shoulder the best you can.

"Need to see your face when you come for me," Joel explains in a rasp as his clothed hips circle your ass.

He didn't just say that. Joel Miller didn't just purr those words in the sexiest baritone you've ever heard. Does he know what his voice does to you?

Your fingers are working quickly over your clit now and Joel's hands are both on your hips, guiding you against him as you work hurriedly within your panties.

You can both hear how wet you are and normally that would humiliate you, but the effect it has on Joel is anything but embarrassing. His eyes are blazing, looking down the length of your body with a look of almost pained pleasure.

He groans. "Fuck, I wanna taste you again."

Jesus Christ. All he has to do is keep talking like that and you're gonna hit the edge.

Memories of that night back in December against you and a fresh wave of arousal flood you.

He presses into you tightly from behind, tilting you over the counter slightly. You can feel him throbbing through his jeans. He whispers for you to go faster, and you feel yourself bucking into your fingers as your orgasm approaches.

"I want it," you say over and over as the haze of lust takes you on. "I-i wanna..."

He's pressing a groan into the top of your head before pulling back to watch for face. He obviously enjoys the sight of your eyes fixed on his face as you bring yourself closer and closer to the precipice because his hand has begun palming himself in earnest through his jeans.

It takes everything in you not to cry out. It feels so fucking good to have him looking at you like that and holding back his own groans as you bring yourself closer and closer to orgasm.

"I need you to come," he whispers in your ear in a ragged voice. "I need it. I need you. Please, I ---"

Rapid footsteps on wood sound out, heading in your direction. You and Joel practically jump apart only seconds before Sarah busts into the kitchen with a squeak. She's carrying the big model plane you brought over last week, pretending to fly it through the air.

"Daniel wants a water, daddy."

You can see that Joel is rock hard through his jeans, blessedly shielded by the counter. Seeing it makes your breath come out in jagged little huffs. You're impossibly thankful that the shirt you're wearing covers the top of your jeans, hiding the fact that they are undone.

"No problem babygirl," Joel says clearing his throat. "I'll bring it in right away."

Sarah nods and skips back to Daniel and the still blasting television. The air in the room seems to be sucked out leaving you gasping and red -faced.

What is wrong with the two of you?

The first time could be chalked up to pent up anger coming out in a need to feel each other’s bodies. But this? There was no need for this. There was no animosity, no verbal sparring, just this ache between your selfish fucking legs.

Selfish. Just like-

"I should go,"

"Don't," Joel says seemingly before he can help himself. He moves towards you but you hold a hand up between you, stepping back.

"Joel, no. This is so... What the fuck are we doing?"

He's silent.

"I'm with Paul, you're with Tess, remember?"

"You're not happy," Joel tells you in a quiet voice, his eyes dark and intense. "I know you're not."

You're angry about the entire situation. Angry that his touch makes you do things that make you ashamed. Angry that he thinks he knows everything about you and Paul. Furious because you know that if he touches you again you won't be able to say no.

"Go give Daniel his water, Joel." Your hushed tone is cold as you pull on and zip up your sweatshirt. "Go see your daughter. She's sitting with your girlfriend’s son right now."

Joel stands there in the kitchen, looking at you with those impossibly sad, wide eyes of his. He moves towards you again, his body broad and imposing despite the sweetness in his gaze.

"Please," you beg, shaking your head. "Please don't. I can't.”

If he touches you, even to say goodbye, you won't have the strength to deny him anything.

"Fuck," Joel says shaking his head and blinking. "You're right. You're right. Go. I'm so sorry, just go.”

///

Maria brings her magazines into your suite, her eyes bright. She’s been on cloud nine for the last week, her dark eyes bright and her smile so wide you think it might crack her face in half. You absolutely relish the sight.

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“The dress is in!”

You give an excited squeal, jumping up and demanding she show you photos but she refuses, as she has done since she bought the damn thing.

“It’s a surprise,” she insists with a melodramatic twist to her voice. “You’re just gonna have to wait and see.”

“It’s good you’re here,” you say, suddenly anxious. “I wanted to talk to you about something kinda huge.”

She pauses, glancing around your suite. Something looks different. The place more sparse. It’s not until she sees the cardboard boxes stacked by the door that she understands. You’re distracted getting towels from the drier and bringing them to an empty box so you don’t see how her face hardens or how she shakes her head slowly.

“Are you packing?”

“Yeah,” you nod, smiling at her. “It’s your early wedding present. I’m moving in with Paul when the lease is up at his old place. He found a place for us in Leander.”

“Leander? That’s like forty minutes away from here.”

“I know,” you say, surprised by the sudden hostility in her tone. “But Paul has the car, so it’ll be an easy commute. No more bus for me!”

When Maria doesn’t smile back, you feel the first bubbling in your chest. Something is off. You had assumed she’d be delighted, even excited at how you were both in such committed relationships.

You haven’t told her about Joel and his beautiful fucking mouth on yours or his hands or - well, any of it. It’s a shameful secret you’ll live with. A family trait, you tell yourself in your dark moments.

"You can’t move out," Maria blurts.

You turn, surprised by the chill of her tone. You begin to load the towels into the box marked “toiletries”. As you do, you realize that maybe she’s just worried about not seeing you as much. This past year has been so wonderful, both of you being so present in one another’s lives.Your heart softens and you smile sweetly at her, reaching out to embrace her.

“You know I’ll come and visit all the time.”

“It isn’t that.”

You stop, your hands dropping to your sides.

"Maria you're getting married next weekend," you say with a laugh. "You're telling me that you and Tommy are gonna live upstairs, build a family and I should just stay living in your basement?"

"I already talked to Tommy about it and he agrees you should stay," Maria insists. "Says you're like family-"

"But I'm not family, am I?" you suddenly defend, your cheeks flushing as you say it out loud. "Not really. You and Tommy will be a family. Joel is Tommy's family, Sarah's his niece. But who am I?"

The silence that follows is as hideous as it is devastating. You've never feel so alone as when you voice your deepest insecurities.

"You're my best friend," Maria finally answers with glassy eyes. "My chosen family."

"It's not the same." You shake your head, turning from her so she can't see your tears. "You were gonna flip this house, remember? It was supposed to be an investment for you."

"I like this house," Maria says softly. Her arms are folded as if she's holding herself from crumbling. "Tommy and I fell in love in this house. We built together in this house. I'm not selling it. So there's no reason for you to go."

"Even if you aren't selling this place, I have to go." You pull the tape over the cardboard, its sound loud and cracking in the quiet room as you sniffle. "Paul is offering me a real future.”

“Oh fuck Paul!” Maria shouts, surprising you. You can see the glare in her features, the ferociousness that comes with a certain air of protectiveness. “Paul doesn’t deserve you. He never has.”

“What?”

“You know it, I know it, Tommy fucking knows it,” Maria says emphasizing Tommy’s name. “And what’s worse is you pretending like he does.”

Rage and humiliation and deep hurt slash through you like a knife to the gut.

“Paul wants to marry me, Maria. He wants to have kids and buy a house and he wants it with me!” you shout back, surprising you both. You don't think you've ever shouted at Maria before. “Why is that so wrong? Why is it so fucking wrong to want what you and Tommy have? Or what Joel has? Why don’t I get to be happy?”

“You will,” Maria promises with a sincerity she truly feels. “But not with Paul.”

You give a frustrated noise in the back of your throat, throwing the towels into the box, not even bothering to fold them.

“Even if it wasn’t Paul, I can't live in my friend’s basement forever, Maria. Do you know how pathetic that feels?"

"More pathetic than running back to some guy who left you to go play at being a rock star?"

That stings.

That actually physically hurts worse than if she’d slapped you.

"Stop it," you say softly because now the tears building. But Maria isn't stopping.

"A guy who thought ditching you after two years together just so he could live out some adolescent fantasy was fair? Who took your car?"

She's furious and hurt and you can see it all in her face. It’s like all you can make out is her face, everything else is black around the edges. You feel sick.

"A guy who came back with his tail between his legs because he couldn't make it so he-"

"Enough!" you shout. “I don’t want to hear it, Maria!”

You brush the tears from your eyes, hiccupping a cry and sinking to your knees as Maria shakes her head and leaves, slamming the door behind her.

///

Mini golf is not a sport beloved by Joel Miller.

In fact he hates it. Hates bending down until his back cracks, hates the stupid fucking attractions at each putting green, hates that annoying children that rush by urging him to hurry up so they can take their turn.

But he loves seeing Sarah so happy.

She's giggling madly her hands in the air in a tiny v of victory. Her little friend Jessie is at your other hip, looking up at you through pink glasses with just as much affection as Sarah. You came to the party, cheeks pink and unable to look at Joel but you’re here. Paul is coming late, you mention to Maria and Tommy. Good. Joel hopes he doesn’t come at all.

"Hole in one!"

“Hole in five,” you counter with a laugh. “But since it’s your birthday I think I can let it slide.”

And he loves watching you and her laughing as you tally the scores. He knows that you’re being casual, being ‘normal’ with Joel because its Sarah’s party and you refuse to make it awkward for her.

Sarah is confused that the lowest score is the winning one, citing that there must be a mistake. As they work on this Joel surreptitiously kicks his bright green ball into the plastic hole. It makes a rattling sound that draws your attention.

“Daddy got a hole in one too!” Sarah says and Jessie joins in her cheer, the two of them jumping up and down, holding hands. You however are swanning towards Joel with a very disbelieving look.

"Cheater!" You cry out, your face flushed merrily. You meet his eyes now, and he sees them twinkling.

"No proof," Joel smirks.

You and Sarah give him a dubious look before setting your own ball down on the green and taking aim. You’re shockingly good at this and Joel has to hold in a laugh when you sail by, tossing your hair over your shoulder dramatically as you get your real hole in one.

“Some people are just natural talents,” you say laughing.

Joel watches as you, Sarah and Jessie go walking over to the next par. Both the girls have taken a hand, twisting you around as you all laugh. You hair streams out behind you, back lit by the sun of the afternoon. Your laugh loudly and without care.

Fuck you're luminous.

Joel can't stop looking at you, trying to be covert. He sweeps a hand over his eyebrows, his eyes straining to keep you in his sights without being obvious. He goes towards the group, his eyes on you and not on Sarah who is swinging her club around wildly while Jessie takes her turn.

"Careful," Joel laughs when she almost clips him. "Almost got me in the head, babygirl."

"Sorry daddy," Sarah says, her eyes filled with concern which lessens when she sees the second half of your group; Tess, Daniel, Maria and Tommy heading to your course. Maria gives you a good-natured scowl.

"How are you all so damn fast?"

"Sarah, Jessie and I are just really good at mini golf," you brag airily, running your hand through Sarah's springy locks. "Joel on the other hand..."

///

The group laughs at the insinuation, but you don't miss the way Tess hangs back a bit from the group, her smile not reaching her eyes when she looks at you and Sarah.

You remember that night in the bar with Tess.

You remember the kitchen with Joel.

"Sarah why don't you help Tess with this round?" you say, giving her tiny frame a gentle nudge in Tess direction.

"Don't wanna," Sarah says, her hand going to grip yours.

You can feel the brutal sting of public rejection for Tess and your heart cracks. You go down to one knee in front of her with Joel staring at the back of your head.

"Paul is gonna be here soon and I need to visit with him," you say nudging her again. "Go on and play with Tess. I bet she'd like the help."

Sarah rolls her eyes but does as you request. She holds a hand out to Tess who takes it gratefully. She doesn’t even look at you in thanks, just murmurs to Sarah about how good Sarah is at mini golf.

It hurts.

You can’t lie and say that seeing Sarah with Tess hurts. Maria has come towards you, looking nervous.

“So where’s Paul?” Maria broaches with her eyes soft.

She knows that after the other night’s outburst you two are both on shaky ground. A friendship spanning decades and this is the worst thing you’ve said or done to one another.

It makes you both feel weird and timid around each other, despite the sisterhood you have always shared.

You don’t want to be upset though – her wedding is coming up and you want this time to be happy for your friend. You move past the irritation of the other night and accept the olive branch.

“He’s gonna be a bit late.”

Maria nods, not saying much else. You both watch Tommy try and hit his ball, his tall frame hunched over comically. When his ball sails into one of the pools of shallow aqua water and swears loud enough for Sarah to chide him, you and Maria giggling softly to one another.

///

Joel can hear you and Maria laughing up ahead. He feels his feet instinctively pulling him towards your part of the group, his chest warming at the sound of your laughter.

“Joel?”

Tess breaks Joel from his reverie. Joel pauses, glancing over to see her striding towards him.

"I have to go to the washroom. Can you watch Daniel?"

Joel’s eyes snap to Daniel who is getting ready for his turn to swing at the last hole. He’s far behind the group, finding it hard to continue on when there are so many rocks and blades of grass to look at.

"Sure."

"Might be nice for my guys to get to know each other."

She squeezes Joel’s shoulder tightly before sashaying away through the groups of young golfers.

It's obvious that Tess is trying to get him to bond with her son, Daniel. He tries, fascinated by the difference between a son and a daughter. Sarah is so delicate, hesitant at times whereas Daniel is loud, abrasive and he loves to smash his toy trucks into each other.

It's funny because growing up Joel has always assumed he'd have sons. Perhaps because he'd always had Tommy there, taking care of his little brother like a father would. And then Sarah had come along and it's like he'd been waiting his whole life to meet her, this sweet little girl, folding into the position of "girl-dad" with such ease that he can't imagine anything else.

With Daniel it's especially hard because he just doesn't feel an ounce of connection to the kid. Daniel is sweet, a bit whiny compared to Sarah (but every child that isn't Sarah annoys him) and he doesn't seem to like Joel that much.

Joel watches Daniel hit the pale yellow golf ball with his club, stomping his little foot when he misses the hole. It's almost amusing to see the kid fall down onto his butt in a frustration. He drops to his knee, about to tell Daniel its fine but pulls back when Daniel erupts into a shrieking wail.

Tess is still in the washroom, leaving Joel to kneel next to a screaming boy who is now throwing his body backwards onto the green while his tiny fists and feet bang against the artificial turf.

"Daniel-"

"YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Joel physically recoils at the aggression in the tiny boys freckled features. He flinches when heads turn in his direction, embarrassment flooding him. The back of his neck feels hot.

"I never said I was your daddy, Daniel. C’mon now. Get up."

Daniel continues to wail. Loud enough for the world to hear. He continues to urge the boy up, his neck warm from the looks of those nearby.

He glances over when he sees a pair of shoes come into his peripheral. Of course it's you. Joel feels his breath leave him as you come into focus.

"Daniel? Was that you yelling? You've got some pretty impressive lungs!" you drop to your knees in front of the sniffling boy. "I bet you're a really good swimmer."

Having expected discipline, Daniel is stunned into silence by your gentle amusement.

"It's no fair," Daniel whines, kicking at the dimpled little ball by his foot. "This golf is stupid."

"Oh, I bet I know what happened," you say with a voice of wonder that Daniel can't help but respond to. You tap your chin theatrically looking into middle distance as the young boy stares up at you.

He hiccups a muttered response, his eyes wet with tears. "What?"

"Come with me." You hold out your hand and he takes it, allowing you to pull him to a stand. He follows you off of the green, allowing the patient family who has been waiting to begin their turn.

You sit by on one of the plastic benches designed to look like wood, patting the seat next to you. Joel watches as Daniel clamors up his eyes rapt on your face. You hold up his pale yellow ball and your bright red one in front of you, looking thoughtful and pretending to weigh them in each hand.

"Just as I suspected," you say with a serious tone. "You got one of the faulty ones. I heard about this happening. The balls look normal but they're unbalanced inside so they wobble and don't go into the cup even when they're supposed to."

Joel can only stare at you. How are you just so natural with everyone? Even Daniel is captivated, his eyes widening.

"That's what happened!" Daniel says in such an exuberant tone that Joel sees you try to hold in a laugh.

Tess has returned from the washroom and is coming up behind Daniel. Joel misses this, so focused on your face and the way you smile with your whole face.

"You wanna take my spot with Jessie and Sarah? I don't mind. I'll even trade your ball for mine."

You hold out your chipped red golf ball in his direction. Daniel smiles, tears forgotten and reaches for it only to have Tess tug him back.

"He's fine," Tess snaps with a sharp look. She comes to stand behind Daniel, gripping him by the shoulder as she looks down at you.

Joel feels his hand tighten reflexively when he sees your smile fade.

"Sorry!" You say red faced. “Just thought Daniel might want to join Sarah and Jessie at the next hole."

"He doesn't," Tess assures you, her eyes flinty. "He and Joel were hanging out, getting to know each other better."

You seem to understand something in that because your eyes go from Daniel to Joel and then back to Tess. You force a smile and nod. You straighten, embarrassment flushed in your cheeks. You look like a child who has been admonished by a teacher.

"Right. Sorry about that."

Before Joel can tell you that you've done nothing to apologize for, Maria and Tommy are calling for you, echoed by the two young girls. Joel watches as you scamper off. Tess urges Daniel to continue on ahead, joining the group before she sneers.

"Jesus does she always have to do that?"

Joel is confused by Tess' anger, twisting to face her. "What?"

"Try to control everything."

"That's not what she was doin', Tess," Joel explains calmly. "Your son was screaming his head off after he missed the cup. She was just calming him down so he didn’t keep causing a scene with his tantrum."

Tess 'cheeks go pink, embarrassed about a litany of things in that sentence.

"She's always just... around," Tess says with a flustered look when Joel openly scowls at her.

"I like her around," Joel says in a voice that does not welcome criticism or debate. "So does Sarah. So do most people."

Tess goes very red in the face, urging Daniel to go join Maria. Joel knows what coming, feels it in his bones. And yet it's not until she says the words that his eyes slip shut.

"I can only assume it was her?”

Joel feels his stomach sink, so aware of their surroundings. This is his babygirl's birthday and he doesn't want it spoiled. His voice is a low murmur that only she can hear.

"Not now. Not here."

"When?" Tess challenges.

"Tonight. At my place."

He’s thought about it since last night after you left. Even if you are with Paul, even if you don’t want him, he can’t do this to Tess. She doesn’t deserve it. He’d have done it last night if it weren’t for the party. He doesn’t want anything spoiling it.

"After I drop Daniel at his dad's?” Tess says with false enthusiasm. “After Sarah's asleep?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe I should just start going through your bedroom window?" Tess says ruefully. "Save some time and that way Sarah will never have any clue that I'm staying over or that I'm in your life at all."

Joel is silent. Nothing he says will change anything. He knows Tess is mad and he knows she won't stop.

"Why are you with me?"

"I said not now, Tess," Joel almost barks. "Not at my kid’s birthday party."

Tess' eyes are glossy now. She's biting the inside of her cheek to stop them from becoming teary.

"Do you have any idea how brutal it is to stand back and watch your boyfriend falling more and more in love with someone else, Joel?"

Joel feels his stomach drop at this, because not only is she completely justified in feeling this way; it’s also become clear that his affection for you is not subtle or hidden. It’s obvious enough that Tess can see it. Obvious enough that she immediately knew you were the one he kissed.

Tess looks about to say more but breaks off to glance over his shoulder. Joel feels his blood run cold at the sound of a new low voice behind him.

"Sorry I'm late."

Of course it's fucking Paul.

Paul who as Joel turns to observe, looks like he stepped out of some hipster magazine. Paul who is giving Joel a very peculiar look with those piercing blue eyes of his.

Paul who has likely just heard all of what Tess just said.

"Have you seen-"

"She's with Sarah and Maria over there," Joel interrupts, tossing his hand in your direction. "We'll catch up with y'all in a sec."

Paul nods, a wrapped gift under his arm as he saunters towards the group. Joel wills himself not to look in your direction when you spot him, giving a soft coo of his name at his approach.

"Tess I can't do this now. Later,” Joel pleads. “After the party we'll talk. I promise."

Tess has tears in her eyes but she nods, sniffling. Silently they walk towards the group, both faces twisted in a quiet anguish they cannot yet voice.

///

Part two of the birthday party takes place in the McDonalds a short walk from the mini golf location. The group of you walks over, Tess holding Daniel’s hand, Sarah and Jessie holding yours. Joel walks behind the group, watching you walk, admiring how you look from behind and then immediately feeling guilty about it.

Maria and Tommy drive on ahead, setting up the balloons and toad decor and a gift table so that when Sarah walks in she knows exactly where to go. She squeals, almost jumping in place as Maria helps to put her party hat on. Paul has brought the gift you bought, wrapped beautifully in shimmering pastels with him.

"Is that for me?" Sarah asks shyly up at him when he places it amongst the others. Paul grins down at her, nodding.

“Yep. We got you something real good.”

You smile at Paul, finding it sweet to see him interact with Sarah. It gives you a glimpse of what he’d be like as a dad.

The kids take a seat around the table and you help Sarah with the plastic bib, smiling as she tells you all about how she hopes she’ll get two burgers (she will, but she’ll only eat half of the first one).

You can see Tess over the crowd of people in the restaurant. She and Joel are speaking just outside the doors. You continue watching as Tess goes to take his hand. He sweeps his hand down her back instead, gently urging her forward and you feel your stomach tighten because you know what that feels like, to have Joel’s hand at the small of your back.

“Are you listening?”

“Huh? Yeah, sure. What?”

You see Joel and Tess approach and try to hold in a frown. Joel's hand is still at the small of her back. Innocuous to most, but painfully obvious to you.

“Gonna get a drink, you want one?”

“Sure. Diet Coke.”

Paul nods, heading off towards the till and Maria walks over, her head shaking as you look on to see the kids eating their burgers just delivered by a tired looking teenager wearing a pasted-on smile.

You and Maria watch as the kids start dueling with their French fries, laughing and dipping them into ketchup before pretending to be stabbing each other with the pointed tips of the crunchiest ones.

“From dive bars to fucking McDonalds,” Maria tuts as she takes a sip of her soda. “Who could’ve seen that happening?”

“Not me,” you say with a laugh, the two of you collapsing into hushed giggles. Tommy walks over, slinging his arm around his fiancée. Maria has brought her new digital camera, taking photos of everything. Right now she chooses to take an unflatteringly close snapshot of her beloved pulling a face into the camera.

“What’re you two gigglin’ about over here?”

“Just the realization that we’re no longer cool,” you say with a dramatic sigh that Maria grins at. Tommy smirks as well. “I wouldn’t smile too much, Miller, you’re just as un-cool as we are.”

“Hey, I resemble that remark,” Tommy growls playfully. Joel, who has noticed the three of you giggling comes over, his eyes traveling along your faces.

“What am I missing?”

“A hat,” you tell him pointedly. You reach beside him to grab several of the pointy cone-shaped paper hats like Sarah and the other kids are wearing and hand them to the group. Tommy and Maria put theirs on without question, as do you, the tight elastic string digging into your jaw.

“C’mon,” you say playfully as Joel hesitates. “Can’t party without a hat.”

Joel shoots you a dark look undercut by the smirk he’s trying to hide. He places the hat on his head, the rubber band taut around his chin. While you and the group look playful, on Joel the party hat looks atrocious with its McDonalds cartoon and Joel’s curls haphazardly askew underneath.

“Nevermind," you giggle. "Take it off.”

The group’s laughter is cut off at the arrival of Tess and then Paul. Tess comes up to the group, specifically standing between you and Joel, leaning her shoulder against his. Tommy and Maria exchange a look before taking a sip from their drinks.

“Looks like the party’s here,” she says with forced joviality.

Maria makes a sound of agreement, her eyes drifting over to Joel and then back to Tommy. Tess glances over at you, giving you a smile with no warmth and you wonder if Joel told her anything.

Does she know you kissed? That you? . . . No. He wouldn’t have told her that.

It makes you feel ashamed. It makes you feel guilty. And then it makes you feel impossibly vulnerable when Joel’s eyes dart to your face from over her head. Paul arrives seconds later to bring you over your soda and the group breaks apart, the moment gone.

///

After burgers, a mountain of soda and a pile of gifts it’s time to cut the cake. Sarah is already buzzing from all the sugar but when she sees the cake she is almost beside herself with delight.

It’s a basic sheet cake with Ronald McDonalds’s image holding a stack of colorful gifts. Six green and purple striped candles line the image. You know the cake is going to taste like wax, but there’s something nostalgic about the whole experience that makes you smile. Paul murmurs a similar observation in your ear and you nod, wincing at the heat of his breath on your ear.

Joel has a lighter in one hand as he motions for Sarah to sit beside him with the other. The rest of the group is gathering around, some standing, and some sitting. Jessie is watching the cake with a look of hunger. Daniel is slouched at the far end still eating his French fries.

"C'mon babygirl," Joel says as Sarah runs over to him. He lights the candles on the cake, chuckling as Sarah squeaks excitedly. She grins up at you from over the cake, her large eyes wide.

“Got your wish?” you ask playfully. Sarah’s face becomes focused and she nods.

“Yep.”

"Alright then, go on and make your wish," Joel tells her, holding the hair back from her face as it dips towards the candles. “Make it a good one.”

Sarah glances from you to her dad and then back at the flickering candles. You smile, wishing that your worries and dreams could be solved by blowing out six tiny flames.

She extinguishes the candles a very focused breath to the cheers of her family and friends and some nearby patrons who love a good singalong. Joel squeezes her tightly, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple as she squirms in his arms from the attention.

"Smile Sarah!" Maria calls from the corner. She raises the compact digital camera to her eye line.

Sarah wraps her arms around Joel's neck and smushes her cheek up next to his. This makes him smile, that broad smile where his eyes disappear and his dimple pops out. Sarah does the same, her own dimple a mirror of her father's. The two of them smile up at the camera in Maria's hand and all you can feel is a debilitating love for them.

It's a deep abiding affection that makes your entire body feel like its glowing but from the inside. You have to look away because you can feel yourself getting emotional.

Then you hear your name being shouted and Sarah is holding out a hand to you.

"I want you in the picture!" she says, her face imploring you. You hesitate, almost feeling Tess' furious gaze on you, burning a hole through your head. You consider not doing anything or insisting you get a photo later. But Joel is twisting to face you, his brows raised.

“Go on,” Paul says tightly. “Be weird if you didn’t.”

With a small nod you move to take the seat next to Joel and Sarah, feeling awkward. You smile at the camera, wanting to get this over with.

But then Sarah shifts to her father's other knee and goes in the middle of you both. She urges you closer until she can get one tiny arm hooked around your neck, one arm hooked around her father's. Satisfied she looks up at Maria.

"Okay Auntie Maria," Sarah says with a broad smile. "You can take the picture.'"

///

Sarah doesn't understand when the three of you stopped existing together. She would never use those words but its how she feels.

Sarah remembers the coloring book you left her signed from toad, telling her to make the world more colorful. To Sarah that's what you do. You sail into the house with stories or cupcakes or hugs and singing and you make her world more colorful.

It used to be so warm and happy at her house because you would be there. Daddy used to smile more often too. She loves when it's the three of you like at the park.

At the park, before ice cream, she and a young boy had been playing on the slide. Sarah called out to you and Joel to watch her. Both sets of eyes had immediately drawn to her with you clapping and cheering.

"It's that your mummy and daddy?" the boy behind her asked.

Without hesitation Sarah had told him "yes", her tiny stomach flipping as she went down the slide, a mixture of excited thrill from the descent and of what she'd told the boy. Because it feels like you’re a family.

But it also feels like there have been less park days. Less nights on the couch watching a movie eating popcorn. Things feel good when you're around but you're not around as much.

But that's all going to change because Sarah made her wish and she knows that wishes come true because last year she wished for a mama. A mama who she could see and talk to and love.

And then there you were! You with your jellybeans and laughter and love and Sarah thanked the birthday gods for being so kind because you were so much better than she could ever have dreamed of.

So this is why she knows that her birthday wish will come true this year as well. As she holds you and her father by the neck smiling up into the camera Sarah knows that everything will be okay.

Because her wishes come true.

///

“I can’t believe how tiny children can eat so much,” you tell Maria when the waxy cake has been eaten and all the kids having stumbled into the play area, shrieking with delight after the grownups have wiped down their cake-covered faces. You’re all gathered around the table, helping Joel to tidy the mess.

Well, everyone but Maria. Maria is looking at the photos on her camera, smirking to herself as she holds it to Tommy.

“I don’t know if I can marry you Tommy, look how badly you photograph. Our wedding photos are gonna be shit.”

Tommy pulls her into an aggressive hug, kissing the side of her neck as she giggles. “Too late. You already said yes, so you’re stuck with me.”

You smile softly before you catch sight of Joel clearing paper plates at the other end of the table, his mouth in a small smirk as he looks at his baby brother. There’s affection in his dark eyes, even as he rolls them.

“Shit.”

You turn to see Daniel in the play area, his face screwed up in silent tears behind the glass. Tess gives a deep sigh through her nose and brushes past you into the area. She kneels beside her son, brushing the hair from his forehead.

Tess is a good mom. And despite how chilly she’s treated you today, you know that she’ll make a good stepmom to Sarah. You push past how that makes your stomach twist.

“Here’s all your decoration stuff,” Joel says, hefting the bag towards you and breaking your gaze from Tess and Daniel. You’re about to take it when Paul reaches out, gripping it and smiling over at Joel.

“I got it. I’ll go put it in the car." He smiles at you. "Then you ready to go baby?”

“In a few minutes,” you say, smiling weakly.

You don’t really want to leave, but you suppose the party is wrapping up.

“Guys, you gotta see this photo of Sarah, it’s so adorable,” Maria says, looking through the overly bright screen hosting the digital images. You and Joel crowd around her, looking over her shoulder. Tommy hangs back, a small smile on his face as he watches you all.

The photo Maria is referencing is the one of Sarah holding up the toad book you bought her. The one listing every species with photos, a CD rom and a poster she can hang on her wall. She’s screaming into the camera, so excited with her gift.

The next image is you, eyes shut in laughter as Sarah has thrown herself into your arms and you hug her tightly.

“Oh, go to the next one,” you urge with a cringe, desperate to see more Sarah and less of yourself. Tommy has wandered over now and the four of you look at the images

Maria acquiesces, flipping through the photos until she lands on the one of Joel and Sarah, cheeks smushed together and smiling up at the camera. Your favorite photo. You, Tommy and Maria let out a communal ‘awwww’ as Joel rolls his eyes.

“Next one,” he says, waving away the attention. You and Maria laugh as her hand rolls the toggle and then the laughing fades.

On the screen is the photograph of the three of you. The one you hadn’t initially wanted to take.

You’re almost shoulder to shoulder with Joel, Sarah’s tiny frame between you. She has each of your necks in the crooks of her skinny arms and all three of you are smiling up at the camera. You’ve never seen yourself in a photo with Joel and so the sight of it takes your breath away.

Your eyes are sparkling and your cheeks are flushed merrily as you grin. Joel’s smile is equally bright, his eyes disappearing when he does. Sarah however, is beaming between the two of you, looking like she’s on top of the world.

And it’s like you see it for the first time.

How the three of you look like a family. How naturally you fit together in this photo, like pieces of a puzzle being snapped together. How when you look at this image it’s like you’ve been a family this entire time.

And then Maria’s finger slips and the next photo is shown. One you didn’t know she’d taken. In this photo your eyes are on Joel as he looks at down at Sarah with an indulgent grin. Your mouth is in a soft smile as you look at him in the photo and it’s so fucking clear in your eyes.

Simultaneously your gazes drift to meet behind Maria’s head, your mouth parting slowly. Your heart jumps because you can see that Joel has seen it too, the obvious thing that you have been terrified to acknowledge.

That you love him.

And then Paul is back, coming up to the group to get you so you can leave. No one notices, even Tommy and Maria seem to have recognized the significance of this moment and have gone quiet.

Confused at the sobering tone, Paul looks from you to Joel gazing at each other and something crosses his face. He drops his light eyes to your hand when he goes to grip it, speaking loudly.

“You aren’t wearing the ring.”

///

If Joel could articulate this moment correctly, he would do so summarily: it feels like someone has reached into his chest, taken his still beating heart and slammed it viciously onto the ground, then stabbing pins into each chamber before setting the entire thing on fire.

The ring.

He’s not stupid. He knows exactly what ring Paul is talking about. Your reaction is immediate. Your face drops and your eyes widen, shooting a meaningful look at Paul. In that look Joel can read exactly what you’re trying to communicate to Paul; I told you not here.

“Wait, you’re engaged?” Tess all but shrieks, a genuine smile breaking out over her face. “That’s amazing!”

You look so incredibly stunned by everything and all you do is nod, offering hushed words of thanks and smiling strangely. Like a puppet who’s face is all strings to be pulled and moved around.

“Congrats,” Tommy offers weakly, his eyes darting to Joel and then back to you. Paul has slung his arm around your waist, holding you tightly to him. Your face has blanched, all the color drained from it.

“Yeah, we weren’t gonna mention it because of your wedding coming up, Mar, but I figure why not share? It’s a happy occasion after all.”

If Joel thought he was upset at the situation, it’s nothing compared to the look Maria is shooting at you right now. A monstrous, furious gaze that he thinks makes you wince.

Joel watches as you murmur something about saying goodbye to Sarah and his attention is back on his daughter, watching her laughing and climbing the play structure, waving to you as she swings down to greet you.

Friends. We're friends .

Joel can't stop the anger that's going through him. He can’t stop shifting from foot to foot as he stands there; arms crossed watching you enter into the play area with a splotchy face. He recognizes this as a hallmark of you trying not to cry.

Doesn’t matter though. You’re not his to console.

Sarah has seen you and she comes speeding towards you, looking concerned. She too has seen the red face and eyes. You must assure her its nothing because the smile is back on her face. Jessie wanders over, her voice silent behind the wall of glass.

His eyes are following your figure as you chase Sarah towards the slide of the play area. He can hear the muffled shriek of his daughter behind the glass before she speeds towards it.

Joel watches as Tess approaches you and Sarah. You and Sarah giggle about something Jessie is saying before Sarah is talking a mile a minute, gesturing to you about something in the play area. She takes your hand, wanting to lead you towards the colorful slides. Tess watches this quietly observing the two of you.

When you notice Tess out the corner of your eyes Joel is shocked to see you immediately sober. Tess is smiling at you, but warily. He watches you step back from Sarah, motioning to Tess to take your place as you head over to a waiting Tommy who has hung back, giving you sad eyes.

What the fuck was that?

"Hey Joel."

Joel glances over to see Paul approaching, his lanky frame strangely graceful. The way he moves makes Joel feel oversized and awkward. He’s the last fucking person Joel wants to see right now.

“Congrats,” Joel manages to rasp out with his jaw clenched.

“Thanks,” Paul says with conviction. “I think I actually have you to thank for it.”

Joel is struck by this. "Me? Why?"

Paul motions to you talking to Jessie near the ball pit. "She never wanted kids before."

"Really," Joel says in a tone so flat it could be road kill.

Paul doesn't seem to notice Joel's recalcitrance, or if he does he leans into it.

"Nah, never considered it. When we were dating and I brought it up she was adamant, always had a reason not to," Paul says with a short laugh. "Said she didn't want to add to an overpopulated planet. Or that she didn't want to pass on her bad genes. Funny girl."

Joel hates this entire conversation. He hates the way Paul stand and talks and acts like he's so fucking deep. He hates how he calls you a girl when you're obviously a woman.

"But after spending time Sarah? I think she's more open to the idea and that's thanks to you. And since she’s serious about kids, she was open to the idea of getting married quicker than she expected."

Joel's narrowed focus has moved from you back over to the man on his left. Paul sounds sincere in what he says, which somehow makes it worse.

"So I guess I just really wanted to thank you."

He's actually thanking Joel for making it easier to knock you up.

Images of your belly swollen with another man's child enter into Joel’s mind. Picturing you with your arms full, rocking a small infant while murmuring sweet soothing words. Images of you laughing in bed with Paul, wearing his ring. And then finally the visage of you, dressed in white, standing there and making promises of eternal fidelity to a man who isn’t Joel.

This all serves to send his entire neck and face burning with an anger he doesn’t expect. One he can’t control. But Paul isn’t stopping; in fact Joel’s silence seems to be prompting him to continue.

“You know, Joel, this wouldn’t even be happening if it weren’t for you.”

Joel's fist connects with Paul's jaw before he even has a second to comprehend what he's done.

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