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liilblondie · 3 years

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I hate everybody in my hometown I wanna burn my old high school into the ground

LiL PeeP

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liilblondie · 3 years

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liilblondie · 3 years

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I didn’t know I would keep her so dear to my heart for so long

Sure, it took some tome before I realized that it was her all her, but wow six years. That is a long time to keep a secret.

Now, I sit here weak and rotten. It was what I wanted. To them to see me for who I am. To see how big my heart truly is and now you can see it beat slowly under my ribs while I die.

This is my protection from their eternal hatred.

If I work hard enough maybe, just maybe, someone will see me and then maybe all the voices and the noice will stop. I don’t have the strength to survive on my own but her protection comes with a price that I don’t have the strength to pay anymore.

I’m not afraid to die.

The creation that is my life is not beautiful. I am the monster in my own horror film. It’s my innermost illusions that created me and everything that lies inside.

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liilblondie · 3 years

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liilblondie · 3 years

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(TOOPOOR)

#SoundCloud #music #TOOPOOR

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liilblondie · 3 years

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me too lil peep

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liilblondie · 3 years

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This doesn’t even help me

I just do it because I supposed to

I don’t even remember doing it after I have done it

I just do it

Longer for every time

Then

I just sit there

Empty

Blurred eyes

I feel so unreal

And this doesn’t even help me

I am unreal

Because I’m not really here anymore

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liilblondie · 3 years

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Draft

Nu ligger jag här --> I am lying here

Nästan död --> Almost dead

Jag tar snart livets sista andetag --> I’ll soon take life’s last breath

Men det tog jag för länge sedan egentligen --> But I actually took it a long time ago

Detta är inte dagen jag dör --> This isn’t the day I die

Jag dog för en lång tid sen --> I died a long time a go

Jag har varit död i flera år --> I have been dead for years

Men idag blir min dödsdag --> But today will be my deathday

För alla andra utan mig --> For everyone else except me

Nu är jag nästan död --> Now I am almost dead

På riktigt --> For real

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liilblondie · 3 years

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I have an idea

I want to make a musical based on the book “the Sorrows of Young Werther” but I need some help. Anyone who want to make it with me?

#books & libraries #bookstagram #music #musica #musical #writing #writers #My writing #novel writing #wrtiers #writers on tumblr #poetry #poem #poet #poetic #short poem #poets on tumblr #Novel

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liilblondie · 3 years

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Hi! My name is Esther but my pseudonym is LiL Blondie. I am 17 years old and I have gotten in to my dream school, but to go there I need a quite big amount of money. £10600 for my school tuition and I need £7630 for student accommodation and I also need £818 for my visa. I already have £8275 but I need more. I am working three jobs and I hope I will get a well paid job this summer, but I need more help. If you like my writing or any of the other stuff I do you can donate money to me on my patreon site: https://www.patreon.com/estherkornbrink Just £1 pound can help me. If you can’t donate please share, like and help in other ways that you can. I appreciate every little way of help. If you want to help me I would be so extremely grateful.

Love always, LiL Blondie

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liilblondie · 3 years

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18?

I am turning 18 in about 4 months. I have gotten in to the school of my dreams and I am still hurting. It is still hard to go through the day. I didn’t know if I would turn 18. I didn’t care if I didn’t. I’m actually not sure if I do care, still. But it is just 4 months left. It’s not a long time but it feels like eternity, when I have to drag myself out of bed, when I get scared by eating food, when I don’t know if I even want to turn 18. But it is just four months left, maybe I can endure it, maybe I’ll live till I’m 81.

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liilblondie · 3 years

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Another version of

The dark black sky stretched out over the rooftops, but it was hard to see the stars in the city. She was wondering if she would ever get to see them again. Laying next to him. As she continued through the streets of London, dressed like the sky above,a memory reoccured and turned into a longing dreamTo lay on a little hill or in the middle of a meadow, would be the perfect spot to watch the stars. She would have had a flannel picnic-blanket and mugs to drink red wine out of.

As he spread out the blanket, she picked up the funny shaped mugs she had made in pottery class and poured up the cheap vine. The warm summer air felt thick and gentle on her skin. She made a little twirl out of excitement and her skirt became a balloon. She liked how happy he seemed to be, it was rare these days. It only occurred when they were alone, and that in itself occurred very rarely. He looked at her like no one had looked at her before and as he had never looked at someone else before. She wished for it to always be just them, alone in space, forever. The sun was setting and its rays turned her long hair into gold. The golden waves framed her pale face and brought out a sparkle in her ocean blue eyes. She usually wore a lot of dark eye makeup but today her skin was as clear as the sky. He liked her makeup but her eyes were so much brighter without it.

She let her fingers go through his pink and messy hair. His hair was her creation and some of his tattoos too. She stroke his cheek and he captured her hand in his and kissed the scars on her wrist. She liked that he did that because he made all the things she hated and was embarrassed about seem beautiful. ”You know I love you, right? I need you to remember that I always love you. ” She uttered quietly as she stared into his kind, chocolate brown eyes. He leaned in and kissed her cherry red lips, the kiss tasted like cigarettes and watermelon gum.

They just laid there next to each other, clinching to one-another’s hands like they were afraid of losing each other if they let go. They just laid there, listening to each other's breaths and the lonely bird in the tree behind them. She moved her head to his chest and he embraced her gently. She listened to his heartbeats and then they stopped. She sat up briskly and tears started to run down her face ”no don’t leave me here” she said quivering. He took a firmer grip on her hands that she couldn't feel and said ” I always wanted to show you the stars far from the city, but I have to go . I love you and don’t miss me too much now that I am gone. Please don’t cry, baby, I’m sorry life ain't fair..”

The sirens from the passing police car startled her and she was pulled back to the dark and quavering city, standing outside their door but he wasn't with her anymore. She stepped into the cold and empty apartment. She glanced at herself in the mirror and saw the dark makeup smeared all over her face. She didn’t care anymore, she just put up her pink and utterly messy hair in a bun and laid down in the bed next to where he was supposed to lay. The stars covering her sealing shined lightly down at her. She closed her eyes in desperation trying to get back to the hill and the stars, and him. She could smell him on the pillow next to her, almost as he was there, lying next to her collecting her tears in his hoodie.

It had always been them, even when she was sad and they were far apart. It had always been him. It didn’t matter what happened in-between because they always came back here. To the shitty apartment they had shared when they were seventeen. The shitty apartment they were supposed to share til they died. Til THEY died, not til he died.She hated this shitty apartment and she hated him for dying. What was she supposed to do now? He wasn’t supposed to leave her so soon. Not when they had so many things left to do. They hadn’t seen the stars together like they planned.

She knew that one day her pink hair would start fading and she wouldn’t re-dye it anymore. Just as the kisses that tasted like cigarettes and watermelon gum had stopped too soon, the memories and the dreams would too. She wasn’t ready to forget his face when he slept after days of being awake. She wasn’t ready to forget the butterflies that filled her stomach when she looked into his kind, chocolate eyes. She wasn’t ready to let go of the pain that his absence caused her. She wasn’t ready.

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liilblondie · 3 years

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liilblondie · 3 years

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liilblondie · 3 years

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Not named

The dark black sky stretched out over the rooftops, but it was hard to see the stars in the city. She was wondering, if she would ever get to see them. Laying next to someone special. As she continued trough the streets of London, dressed like the sky above, this thought of the stars grew with her. To lay on a little hill or in the middle of a meadow would be the perfect spot to watch the stars. She would have a flannel picnic-blanket and mugs to drink red vine out of.

As he spread out the blanket she picked up the funny mugs she had made in pottery class and poured up the cheap vine. The warm summer air felt thick and gentle on her skin. She made a little twirl out of excitement and her skirt became a ballon. She liked how happy he seemed to be, it was rare these days. It only occurred when they were alone, and that in it self occurred very rarely. He looked at her like no one had looked at her before and he looked at her like he had never looked at someone before. He wished for it to always be just them, alone in space forever. The sun was setting and its rays turned her long hair in to gold. The golden waves framed her pale face and brought out the sparkle in her ocean blue eyes. She usually wore a lot of eye makeup but today her skin was clear as the sky. He liked her makeup but her eyes was so brighter without it.

She let her fingers go trough his pink and messy hair. His hair where her creation and some of his tattoos too. She stroke his cheek and he captured her hand in his and kissed the scars on her wrist. She liked that he did that because he made all the things she hated and was embarrassed about seem beautiful. ”You know I love you, right? I need you to remember that I always love you. ” She uttered quietly as she stared in to his chocolate eyes. He land in and kissed her cherry red lips, that tasted like cigarette and sugar.

They just laid there next to each other, clinching to each others hands like they were afraid of losing them if they let go. They just laid there, listening to each others breaths and the lonely bird in the tree beside them. She move her head to his chest and he embraced her. She listen to his heart beats until them stopped. She sat up and tears started to run down her face ”no don’t leave me here” she said quivering. He took a firmer grip on her hands and said ” I always wanted to show you the stars, but I have to go now. I love you and I will always be in your heart. Don’t miss me to much now that I am gone.”

She was back in the dark and quavering city, standing outside their door but he wasn’t here anymore. She stepped in to the cold and empty apartment. She glanced at herself in the mirror and saw the dark makeup smeared all over her face. She didn’t care anymore, she just put up her pink hair in a bun and laid down in the bed next to where he was supposed to lay. And the stars covering her sealing shined lightly down at her.

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liilblondie · 3 years

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Wherefore Art Thou Romeo?

Why do we put so much power in a name? A name shouldn’t define us. But it does. A rose is only a rose if we call it a rose.

Names is only labels and labels put us in boxes for society to judge. Names and labels have context with them, and that context is a predefined opinion from society. Names and labels don’t explain who we are as a person it only allows us to be judge by our surroundings without them knowing us.

A roses name doesn’t explain how nice the rose smells. If you never seen or smelled a rose you only know what other people, who has seen or smelled a rose, have told you about a rose. So, if they have told you bad things about the rose, that is your belief if a rose and so when someone asks you if you want a rose, you decline because you have heard about all these bad roses. But one day you stumble upon a beautiful flower that you have never seen before and the flower smells wonderful. The name of the rose has stopped you from experiencing this wonderful flower. Names and labels give us the opportunity to judge others and it is an opportunity we unfortunately take, in many of the cases.

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liilblondie · 3 years

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A novel by me TW: sh, ed

The big blue eyes that was staring back at her wasn’t bright anymore, they were filed to the brim with tears and like a supernova they were waiting to explode. She looked at the utterly disgusting person in the mirror before her. Who was this person before her? And when had that person become her? She closed her eyes and tried to imagen herself now and before, but all she saw was lies. She didn’t know how she looked like. She had never known how she looked. She just knew that she looked wrong and that she had to change it, by any means necessary.

The person before her was what she had tried so hard not to become over the last 6 years. Her pale thighs touched each other when she stod with her legs together and the sight made her nauseated. She tugged at her skin, pinching harder and harder, trying to make it go away. The fat, the disgusting fat that was covering her body made her nervous and angry. The nervousness came from the looks she knew she would get, the words behind her back. ”Why does she look so fat and disgusting now? a month ago she was so much skinnier. She is so weird. Whats wrong with her? Why is she so odd? She tries to hard. Why is she always alone? She is so weird and ugly.” It didn’t make her angry that others would say it behind her back because she already said it to herself. No, what did make her angry was the disappointment she was, to her and the ones around her. Why couldn’t she just be normal and happy? Why did she always have to be this way, like a supernova ready to explode.

She was shivering like a leaf as she stepped up on the scale with the red roses on. She had taken it out slowly without making any sound and placed it on the hard, cold bathroom floor. As she saw the haunting answer to her question, her tear filed eyes bursted and her legs gave away beneath her. She hadn’t eaten anything the whole day and still she had gained weight. She was a disappointment. She was an ugly, disgusting disappointment of a human being. But failure have punishments. She put her mane like hair up in a bun. She stroke the inside of her arm lightly before she put the cold blade to her soft skin. It stung and what had once been untarnished was now covered with warm and caring blood.

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