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everythingne · 5 months

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marketing ploy - ln4 / ch. 5

Italy through Canada. A few people make observations, Olivia makes a huge realization, a few too drinks are shared, and Oscar starts to get a little bit more concerned when Ollie seems a bit... off. Until she snaps and tells him everything.

piastri!oc x lando norris, brothers bestfriend/fake dating

warnings/notes: alcohol/drinking, pretty intense kissing/makeout scene, still probably some incorrect f1 info but look, im trying. its a BIT summary-ish this chapter, but only because there's a few small bites from each race, everything will really be kicking off next chapter >:D! (I apologize in advance)

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MAY 20TH 2023 -- ITALY

Italy had passed in a blur of media obsession, cameras constantly on me and everything I did. Hell, I would breathe too hard and someone would post about it. Keeping everything quiet had been getting harder and harder now that Twitter was fully convinced Lando and I were dating, even if we hadn't announced it yet. We still had a while to go until our 'relationship' would be officially announced by us on fucking live television, something I still couldn't get over. And my heart ache was starting to get more prevalent as the whole situation was starting to confuse my heart and my brain, making me actually think Lando liked me.

But that kiss? Come on.

McLaren's social media team had Lando and Oscar out almost the whole weekend when they weren't racing, they were doing practically everything for the media team this weekend since we all knew Monaco was going to be crazy for us. Between it being one of the, in my opinion, busiest race weekends due to its hyper-publicity. And as we knew this, we (as in Me, Charles, Lando, Oscar, Daniel and Max) had plans for a party at a club in Monaco. As more drivers found out about the plan it ended up with us renting out some private rooms for all the teams and their drivers in this one club Charles and Arthur allegedly swore by. It was going to be one hell of a party.

So, since I had no Oscar or Lando to bother, I had somehow ended up in Max's hotel room with Charles and Daniel. We were happily splitting bottles of the most expensive wine we could order to his room and talking about anything and everything. We had talked about the season so far, everyones families back home (with another very interesting Max childhood story that had us all questioning his mental health for the thirtieth time this week) and we were currently discussing media.

I had mentioned not going on Twitter due to everything being crazy, and three heads turned to look at me. Max has Charles' head in his lap, the latter poking my thigh as he giggled, cheeks flushed from the drinks as he asks, "Speaking of, how was Seaspice?"

"I need to know!" Daniel shouts, turning so fast he nearly knocks himself over and I snort from where I'm curled up on the couch in one of Lando's hoodies. I had taken it forever ago and just never gave it back, not that Lando had asked for it or even seemed to mind.

"It was really nice." I murmur, cheeks warming up as I swirl my wine, "I don't think we stopped talking the whole time. He opened the door for me, got my chair, paid for dinner. This motherfucker bought me flowers? And left them at the hotel. And a Coach purse and chucks! And he was so fucking nice. I just... I had a really good time and we talked about basically everything. Which means he knows the most about me now, other than Oscar."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Max smiles and Charles nods enthusiastically, leaning up to take a sip of his wine before laying back down.

"Lando told me a bit about it." Daniel pops down on the couch next to me, poking Charles on the shoulder who whines and throws his arm dramatically over his eyes, making us all chuckle softly. His wine must've not been settling nicely, which I thought was odd for a man from Monaco of all places. Or he was just being dramatic.

"What'd Lando say?" Max hums, taking a sip of his wine as we all settle into a mess of tangled limbs.

"Just like, that he was totally in love with her the whole time and practically drooling over her." Daniel shrugs, "he's head over fuckin' heels."

My heart flutters at the sentiment, even if it know Lando's declarations of love are all fake for the media. Every little joke, every date, every hand hold or kiss or flirting joke, everything we were was for the media. At the end of the day Lando and I couldn't have each other. He was in this for the media just as much as I was, it was a contract we had signed and though Christian had said I could back out at any time, I was sure there would be consequences if I did.

Not that I wanted to go back on Lando, or this fake relationship, or anything. Not that I knew why. Maybe it was just because I loved the feeling of being loved.

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

MAY 26TH -- MONACO

I was surprised when Max had brought me along with him and Charles for dinner at Charles' mothers house. Pascale was a sweetheart, doting over us and making sure we were all well fed and settled. I also had a chance to meet Charles' siblings, finally. Arthur and I realizing how much we had in common as we sat at the long dining table, easily cracking jokes about being the younger sibling in the same career as their older brother.

And the whole never being able to live up to their older siblings thing, but that was more undertones.

Maybe ten minutes into dinner, while I'm halfway through my fift glass of wine that night, Pascale asks, "So, Olivia, how is Lando? I've seen quite a bit about you two."

I laugh softly, setting down my fork as I explain softly, "He's a sweetheart. I've been with him for only a few months and it's really been bliss. This man won't let me buy anything on my own, won't let me open doors, gives me his jacket, texts me all the time, calls me all the time. He's doting over me twenty four hours of the day, it's really sweet. We're just not really saying anything on social media yet since it's still a pretty new relationship."

"And she says its not serious." Charles murmurs as he takes a sip from his wine, Max ends up whacking Charles on the back of the head as Pascale laughs into the back of her hand.

"Charles, I will kick you." I scowl, and immediately after Arthur jerks up and Charles shouts in complaint. I burst into giggles when I realize Arthur has done my work for me.

"Dude! Foutre le camp!" His sudden french makes me pause as I try to decipher what he said. Max is immediately laughing as Pascale reaches across the table to yank on her sons ear as she reprimands him and then reprimands Arthur, who is just out of arms distance thanks to me.

"Désolé, Maman." The Leclerc's echo and luckily the rest of dinner goes off without a round of complaints from their mother. But I can't stop thinking. I had been in this sort of spiral about liking Lando, and the drinks and telling myself I was just in love with what he was doing and the way it made me feel wasn't helping. And so, as I always do, I call my oldest sister.

MAY 26TH -- CALL BETWEEN OLIVIA AND OPHELIA↴

"Ophelia."

"Olivia?"

"I need advice."

"That's what I'm here for."

"You... okay, you can't tell Oscar any of this."

"Woah, this serious?"

"Yeah, uhm. So, the Lando stuff, it's... media shit. For McLaren and Red Bull. They want it to seem like Max and Lando don't like each other or something, I dunno. But we're fake dating for media."

"Oh."

"But I... I don't know something about it is bothering me. I... I can't shake it. I can't stop thinking about everything he's been doing, the gifts, the date--we kissed, like, really good and I... fuck. Am I stupid for thinking about this so much?"

"Do you like him, Ollie?"

"Well, yeah obviously. But I think I mostly like him because I like the way it feels to be loved. Like--"

"--Do you think of his actions or of him more?"

"Uhm..." "Him?"

"Ollie. Do you think you could be in love with him?"

"No! It's... its for media."

"You think about everything he does, and the kiss, and you like the way it feels to be loved."

"Yeah."

"He buys you flowers all the time, holds the doors for you, you constantly say he's the nicest guy you've ever met, you've already defended him in the siblings group chat and he's bought you a fucking Coach bag."

"Because of the media!"

"Buying you a Coach bag is not for the media! And Lando hates seafood, yet he took you to Seaspice because everyone knows you love seafood!"

...

"Olivia, look... [sigh], I've seen the photos posted and the way he looks at you, touches you, speaks with you, everything... he's in fucking love with you. Seriously, you cannot fake that. Unless he's an incredible actor, which--he's not. I've seen his interviews."

"Uh--"

"And you, missy. You're in the same boat! If you didn't like him the way you do, you wouldn't be calling me in a panic about this."

"What do you mean?"

"You love him. He loves you. Regardless of if you want it or not."

"Oh..."

"There it is."

"Oh. Fuck."

MAY 27TH -- MONACO

"That's Charles with p3, Lando with p2, and Max--again, with the p1 position!"

I was sitting cross legged, tapping my nails along the desk as I was working on saving all the data from Max's car from the race. Something was weird with his front suspension, but he managed to push through to the end. Lando almost got him in the last turn but at the cost of a spring and a shock, Max kept his position. Checo had done just as well, and Kylie next to me was uploading his data and happily chatting about how the race went with some of the other engineers before they all start getting up. I laugh softly, watching them as they start to cheer and clamber around.

"Olivia! Finish that up later, c'mon!" One of the engineers calls and I laugh, slipping off my chair as I shove my phone into my pocket and follow Kylie out of the garage. A crowd of engineers, analysts, and drivers moving in a group to celebrate the pole positions. I take my time, ending up with Oscar at some point as we cheer for all three racers. I can feel the cameras on me and it's starting to get a bit annoying. I just want to celebrate my friends, I had taken a back log role because I didn't want to deal with the fame of F2, F1, any motorsports as a whole. I was just as good as a racer as Oscar as a kid, but I knew what I would get into if I went with him. So I didn't.

And yet, somehow I still ended up here.

Max comes over to give me a hug, and I waste no time throwing my arms around him in congratulations. He laughs, squeezing me tight before stepping back as I whack his helmet three times, a little good luck thing we had started a while back.

"I'm killing you for breaking your shocks and like half the front suspension." I joke and he rolls his eyes, playfully whacking my arm as Oscar gives him a few slaps on the shoulder as he says congratulations.

"No, no, blame Lando." He says, and him saying the racers name has more cameras turn to us and Max's grimace lets me know I'm not doing well at hiding my annoyed face. He gives me a final hug as Lando appears to give Oscar and the rest of the McLaren team besides me hugs as Max turns to him.

"Let me pass you sometime!" Lando grins and the two share a quick hug to celebrate.

"Maybe next time, Norris!" Max grins, turning to the pull of Christian's voice, and I laugh as he's tugged into the arms of the engineers. Turning back to look at Oscar, I make eye contact with Lando, who (once I nod that it's fine) happily pulls me into his arms.

And I hate that that's when I hear the most camera shutters.

"Congratulations, Lando." I murmur into our tight hug. After a moment of quiet, he leans back and I smile at him, wholeheartedly, as I can see him smile as he squeezes my arms.

"Thanks, Ollie." We hold eye contact and I just smile before he squeezes my hands before coming up to pull of his helmet, "Hey, you're coming to the club tonight, right?"

"Yeah, of course." I say, holding a hand out to hold his helmet as he takes off his balaclava. Once he has it off, he keeps messing with his hair until I lift my own hand to his hair and run it through and fix it up. One of his hands falls to my waist, the other still holding his helmet as his eyes flutter shut.

"You need to get this trimmed." I murmur, and then he leans down to give me another hug as his breath is hot against my neck, his adams apple rumbling against my shoulder.

"Nah. If I get it cut then you can't run your hands through it anymore." He steps back when he's told he needs to go along to the podium and I hand him back his things, squeeze his hand three times, and then let him go off on his way.

"And you said it was never serious?" Oscar murmurs to me and I turn around and whack at him, telling him off in a sharp whisper as I sneer at him as the few McLaren employees around us laugh.

MAY 27TH-28TH -- JIMMY'S MONTE CARLO, MONACO

By the time Oscar and I make it to the back room of the club, the party is--and has been in full swing. He's pretty much immediately stolen from my side by Logan and Alex. So, I find the bar and get myself a vodka Red Bull to wash down my exhaustion and wake me up as I then slowly slink back to the room. I can see Charles and Max off to the side, Lewis dragging Daniel and Carlos along with him, and I send a half wave to Checo who raises his drink to me in a toast which I echo as I laugh, scanning the room and spotting the likes of Alonso, George, Lance, Pierre and Logan all off on their own tipsy adventures.

"There she is!" Two arms wrap around my waist and I squeal as Lando spins me around. Once he sets my feet down, he buries his face in the crook of my neck and he squeezes me in his arms. The conversation with Ophelia rings in my head--did I love him? And though I know I do, I try and swallow the feeling like the burn of the vodka in my throat.

I can't have Lando. No matter how much I want to have him.

"I told you I was coming, Norris." I laugh, turning in his grasp so I can give him a proper hug. He lets out a deep sigh against my chest before he leans back and grins, keeping his hands on my waist as I finish off my drink and set the cup on a nearby table.

"I know, but I'm glad you're here." He smiles, and I can smell the alcohol on his breath and grin when he pulls me a bit closer. I let him, even in the crowded club knowing everyone who knows of us will probably take photos. I let it happen because I know part of me wants the feeling of him loving me, even if its all a lie.

"C'mon, get another drink, lets celebrate." He murmurs under the music and I grin, taking him by the hand and going to the bar. I learn then its an open bar, and I happily order the most expensive shots I can, take three of them, and then order another heavily alcohol filled fruity drink. They put one of those cup covers on it, with a straw, and Lando brings me to the edge of the dance floor.

"Yo! Piastri!" someone shouts and I wave as Daniel drags over Max and Charles. Everyone seems hammered already, and in the moment I thank god for being a lightweight so I can catch up quickly. The shots already making my skin buzz.

"Dani, how are ya?" I ask, moving myself to the music a little. We talk, and even as we do I can't focus on anything other than Lando's hands on my waist as he holds me to his chest in the crowd. It's something so small, but just the way he's being protective of me makes my chest pound as I finish up my drink and set it on a nearby table.

"Come on, lets dance!" I say to the group, and while the others day they're fine, Lando lets me drag him onto the dance floor. I have no idea what song is playing, it's French, but the words could matter less. Lando's hands stay firm on my waist, when someone gets to close he moves us away, and when I turn and wrap my arms around his neck in a flirty, drunken haze, he leans down to pepper kisses to the corners of my mouth. My body is on fire, both form the warmth of the vodka and such in my chest, but from the feeling of the way his hands press lower on my waist and he drags me closer.

I don't know when we end up at the bar after dancing, but the next thing I remember is Lando sitting next to me on a stool as we take shots and eat chips given to us by the bartender who can definitely tell we're a little too drunk. I lean onto Lando's arm, gently tracing shapes as I listen to him talk about... something, I don't remember, his hand on my thigh warm and protective. He leans over to press a soft kiss to my lips, and I let him. His lips peck mine, then my cheeks, and then he presses in for a proper kiss. He slots there like he's meant to be, the hand on my thigh pulling me closer and one hand sliding down to grab the bottom of my chair and as he leans back from a kiss, he drags my chair closer.

My heart just about jumps to my throat as his hand lets go of the chair, ghosts the inside of my thigh and along my jugular as he drags his hand up to cup my chin, and he pulls me in by his thumb on my jaw for another round of deep kisses. One of my hands ends up tangling in his hair, and when Lando partially leans over me, my arm snakes across his shoulders with my nails dragging across the thing fabric of his shirt.

I would be embarrassed of the close contact if we weren't as drunk as we were and also in the back, dark corner of a bar.

When he presses in further, almost hungry, I lean back and press my hand to his chest as I try and catch my breath. He leans back finally, wiping lipstick off his lips with a tiny grin as he also tries to catch his breath with a sly smile.

"Woah there, casanova." I breathlessly tease and he whines. Literally whines. I am so fucked.

"C'mon, baby." He sighs and I press my hand to his mouth as he tries to snag another kiss and I let myself giggle, pulling him to my side with the arm tossed around his shoulder, peppering soft kisses to his hairline and the corners of his mouth.

"We should go back to the hotel." I whisper, and his eyes widen like dinner plates, nodding as he grabs my hands and pulls me up to my feet. We drunkenly giggle as we stumble outside the club and as I call a ride share on my phone, Lando keeps himself busy by playing with my hair and kissing along my shoulder and collarbones as he hums softly into my neck. When the car comes we seperate, for the sanity of the poor driver, but Lando keeps a firm hand on my thigh.

He always needs to be touching me, or holding me, I'm beginning to notice.

Once we're in the hotel, or moreso the elevator, Lando will not get off of me. It's almost comedic, soft kisses broken by laughs and my half-hearted complaints as I try and get us to his room, because I refuse to go back to my shared room with Oscar this shitfaced and in this predicament.

Once, finally, the hotel door is closed and locked behind us, I'm pushed back against Lando's wall as his hands find my waist. His breath fans over my face and my head is tilted up by his hand that covers my neck, his thumb pushing in to force my chin up so he can cover his lips with mine.

"You're everything." he whispers, breathless, one hand on my back pulling me closer. His fingers digging into my neck and back making my body arch and lean up into his touch.

"And so are you." I whisper back, his needy lips finding mine once more.

And then I wake up the next morning.

Groaning, I shield my face from the sun piercing my eyes with my arm as my phone rings somewhere beyond my grasp. I slowly sit up, blankets untangling from me as I slowly push them away and kick the blankets off my body. My head is pounding and I feel so sick, but I manage to find my phone somewhere on the floor. I get up, bending over to grab it as I adjust my dress to pull it back down and fix its collar. I must've fallen asleep wearing it and it got hiked up.

The call ends as I fix up my outfit, but before I can panic and try to call the number back, they do it for me. So I quickly press the answer button and press the phone to my ear as I rub at my tired face.

"Hello?" I grumble into the line, fighting off a yawn as I look around the hotel room. A suit jacket lays half open over a chair, my bag and shoes set neatly on a table nearby with my jewelry set on top of my purse with mens dress shoes kicked off in front of the desk.

"Olivia! Thank god," Oscar laughs, voice slightly crackly over the phone, "Where are you?"

"Uh--" I pause, turning around in my hungover haze to see Lando poke his head out of the bathroom. He must've woken up before me, and the towel wrapped around his still wet waist tells me he just got out of the shower.

I slowly realize I don't remember anything after we got in this room, and my stomach twists as I speak softly to Oscar on the phone, "...Lando's..."

Oscar's quiet for a few moments, I can hear someone behind him shouting, and then he hums, "Ah... okay, uh, just come back to the room before two?"

"Yeah, yeah I will be." Lando and I are still holding half awkward eye contact, and I click my tongue when Oscar's quite for a while, "Okay... uhm, bye?"

"Bye."

As soon as Oscar hangs up, Lando and I continue to stare at each other for a few moments, before I ask, "do you remember last night?"

"No. I was hoping you would." He laughed softly. When my silence meets him, he pauses mid shake of his wet hair against his towel, lifting his head to look at me properly, "do you?"

I shake my head and then move into the bathroom to stand besides a still not dressed Lando. With a tilt of his head, he looks me over as he speaks softly, "I have spare clothes if you wanna shower before you go back to your room?"

I nod to him, my mouth dry as the realization we might have done more than I wanted to think of crosses my mind. Lando hands me a spare towel, and I hear him rustling in his suitcase as I pull my hair back. There's very faint hickeys along my collarbones I can assume are from Lando, from what bits and pieces of the club I remember. I know they'll get darker, and my lipstick is smeared along my face and my jawline, in lip prints I know don't match mine, so they have to be his.

"Here." Lando says, making me jump as he snaps my focus back from staring at my hickeys.

"Sorry," He grimaces and I say its fine as he hands me a change of clothes and I softly thank him as he steps back and closes the bathroom door. I take off my dress, look at my body and find a few more marks a bit deeper down my chest and am taken over by a sort of full body cringe when I notice one or two marks along my thighs.

Did we fucking sleep together?

I turn the shower on, stepping in as soon as I can get my undergarments off of me (thankful I'm still wearing them), and let the water wash sweat off my skin as I use the hotel soaps to clean myself off and wash my hair. I catalog each part of my body, and luckily come to the conclusion we had not slept together... at least fully. I can never really know how far we went if neither of us remember it, but at least it seems we didn't make too big of a mistake.

When I dry off, I hear Lando say he's running down to the lobby to grab us waters and that he'll be back. In a bit of a panic, I throw on his clothes, grab my dress and shoes, and rush back to my room while he's still out. Oscar lets me in, stuttering as he follows my quick rush through the room. He sits on the edge of his bed, watching as I throw my stuff in my suitcase.

"So--"

"--Do not, ever, mention this to anyone."

"Woah, okay, okay!" Oscar holds his hands up, "I wont. But uhm... you..."

"Nothing happened." I stand, turning back to look at Oscar, "we were just drunk and he wanted me to get home safe."

"If something did or didn't isn't any of my business, you're an adult, and honestly I'd rather not know anything about my sisters sex life, no offense. But... uh, Ollie? Why do you seem so... worried? ...Nervous, is kinda a better word for it." Oscar places a hand on my back as he comes to stand next to me as I pause and stand up to look over at him.

Sighing, I can tell he's dancing around a question, his hands fidget and he ends up rubbing my back slightly as he looks over at me and gnaws his lip. There's a long pause before he hesitates to ask, "Did he do something?"

"No, God no, Oscar." I exclaim, running a hand through my still wet hair, "I just... woke up feeling sick and you know how I get with sickness."

"Ah, right." Oscar steps back, wringing his hands and swallowing, "Uhm. Sorry for being weird about it."

"You're my brother Ossie, I'm expecting you to be a bit protective." I sigh, "But it's nothing. I promise."

"If it--God forbid, is something, please... tell me."

"I will."

I can't.

01 JUNE - SPAIN

Ada, Astrid, Christian, Andrea and Zak corral me and Lando into a random hotel room in Spain. I had kinda been expecting this to happen, because there was no way they hadn't noticed we had immediately become incredibly awkward around each other.

So they lock us in a bedroom, like we're kids in timeout, and tell us to figure it out.

"If you were worried we slept together," I start with after maybe ten minutes of silence, swallowing hard as I cross my arms over my chest, "we didn't."

"Okay, thank god. I thought we did something and you were gonna hate me forever." He sighs, running a hand through his hair, "I didn't mean to push it with you. Drunk Lando kinda doesn't know when to slow down. I also wanted to make sure you got home safe, and when you said that we should go back I think drunk me got extremely excited."

He's so much like a puppy, talking with his head down almost like his tail was tucked, and I can't help but let out a slow sigh.

"I didn't exactly stop you either, I kinda enjoyed it, dare I say," I rubbed my hands together, before muttering, "I should've talked to you then and not run out. I...that was shitty of me, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you had every right to be freaked out, I was freaked out too." He sighs, leaning back in his chair as I tap my toes and then start to giggle at just the absolute obscurity of our situation.

"What?" Lando says and I sigh, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling.

"We are so... what are we doing? We're literally fake dating for the media teams for the companies we work for, and...Monaco? We got so into the whole fake dating thing, we literally ended up like that." I giggle. Though Lando laughs along, I sense a sort of bitterness in his tone, and I note it spoils when I say 'we got so into the whole fake dating thing' and so I quiet down. Maybe he didn't want to talk about the fake dating thing at all.

"Look, lets just go back to what we've been doing. It doesn't have to be awkward, we made a mistake, we can't change it." Lando says and I nod, watching the way his adam's apple bobs as he speaks, then I look away when he notices me watching him.

"Yeah." I say, then look back at him, "Let's just go back to normal."

When I get back to the Red Bull garage, I can't help but keep thinking of Lando and everything that had happened. I had this huge stupid crush on this guy who probably, as far as I was aware, wanted nothing to do with me in that sense. We only ever kissed when we were tipsy or blackout drunk, so that didn't do much to solidify any feelings that he actually liked me like I liked him. So, I end up burying my head in my arms and sitting with one knee up to my chest and close my eyes and groan. I hadn't expected anyone to be around, until someone sits next to me and I peek over to see Max.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothin'." I grumble, hiding my face again.

"Something happened, because the last time you sat like this in Red Bull was when your ex tried to date Oaklynn." Max hums, rubbing a warm hand across my shoulders and I groan, whacking his arm half-heartedly.

"Don't remind me, that was so fucking stupid." I murmur into my sleeve, kicking at Max under the table, and he yelps in complaint.

"Mon cher!" A voice shouts from the other end of the garage, and why Charles is here is beyond me before he pauses behind Max and clicks his tongue, "why do you look so upset?"

"She won't say." Max turns around to look at Charles who hums, and then I see he sets down some coffees on a table nearby before coming to lean opposite of me on the table.

"Hey, Piastri." He whispers, "Piastri. Hey. Ollie, Olls, Oliver, Olivia, Liv, Livy, Liver--"

"I think she gets the point." Max laughs, swatting at Charles, before poking my arm, "Are you gonna tell me whats wrong?"

"I'm fine." I sit up, sighing heavily as I lean forward on the table and snap, "you guys are fucking dramatic."

"Woah!" Max puts his hands up with wide eyes and Charles gasps sharply as he stands up from the table, pointing at me.

"Hey! We are not!"

"Then leave me alone!" I stand up, moving away to the office I used in the Spa garage and slammed my door a bit too hard. I groan and toss myself down into my chair and bury my head in my hands. Trying to shake Lando out of my head is impossible when the bundle of flowers he'd bought me for the paddocks here is sitting in the trash can by my feet, and this time three heads poke into my office.

"Ay, what did you do now?"

"Does Ferrari not want their drivers at all?!" I shout, lifting my head to see Carlos poking his head out from the doorway with both Charles and Max besides him.

"No, now what happened, cariño?"

"Nothing! Literally nothing!" I groan, "I just--it's nothing."

"Ah! It's something!" Max points and Carlos steps into the office and crosses his arms as he looks around. It doesn't take him long to notice the flowers, which he points at as he turns back to Max and Charles.

"She threw out Lando's flowers. Trouble in paradise." He says.

"What did Lando do?!" "What did he do? I'll beat his--"

"Oh my god! Enough, all three of you! Go, shoo! Bye! Adios! Au revoir! Doei! Buh-bye! Ciao! Get the fuck out!" I wave them out, pushing them before I shut and lock my office door, pressing my back to it and groaning as I slide down to sit.

Thirty minutes later, when I'm halfway through a report, someone knocks at the door.

"Who is it?!" I shout, lifting my head up from my laptop.

"Oscar."

Seriously? They had to get Oscar involved?

"Come in." I say, and then he jiggles the lock twice as if to emphasize the fact that the door was still locked from after I kicked out the previous trio of drivers trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Hold on." I sigh, standing up and walking over to unlock the offices door to let Oscar into the room. As soon as he's walking in, I pace back to my desk as I ripped out my ponytail and threw it back up messily as the room felt hot even with two fans going on me. I knew it was because of my stress from work and Lando's bullshit, and also, just because of the abnormal high heat in Spain this season.

"You threw out his flowers." Oscar comments as he shuts and locks the door, making his way over to sit on the edge of my desk. I hum in response and he sighs, looking over me with a careful look before he lifts a hand to card through my hair as he mutters, "talk to me, Ollie."

"It's nothing." I sigh as my eyes flicker up to look at him, "Just work."

"Ollie, this isn't how you act after work stresses you out. And this weird attitude has been going on since Saudi, so don't try and act like it's nothing." Oscar crosses his arms as he slips off my desk to walk aimlessly through my small office, "You've been distracted, all giggly and happy when we're racing or doing anything with it, but the second we get far away from it you get all spacey. Especially since the last night in Monaco. It's like you've been stuck in your head since you started dating Lando."

"Ossie..."

"No! Stop--" He pinches his nose as he whips around to face me, pausing when he notices I jump, "Olivia. What is going on with you? What has been happening this whole season? What has Lando done?"

"He hasn't done anything!" I shout, "Stop, oh my god."

"Really? Because he hasn't been able to look me in the eye since Monaco! And I don't know if its just because I still see you as my baby sister, but I'm starting to get a little fuckin' worried. It's not a good sign when the guy your sister is dating won't make eye contact with you, especially if he's one of your closest friends."

There's a pause and I groan, saving my work before burying my head in my hands, "I can't tell you."

"Olivia. What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything other than what we've been told to fucking do, because--" I stand to match my brother, watching as he steps back from the desk to give me space, "Listen, you can't repeat this."

"Why?"

"I signed a contract, a partial NDA."

"Partial NDA?"

"Just listen," I whine and Oscar nods, before I spill everything to him. From Christian's office in Bahrain, all the way to a few hours before in the random hotel room. I tell him every feeling, every thought, every decision that had been made by Red Bull and McLaren's media teams. Everything I felt for Lando, the way my heart fluttered and buttflies filled my stomach, and the way I felt so stupid because I fell in love with a guy I couldn't have even if I wanted it so bad.

Oscar is quiet for a while after I finish, and I slowly sink down to my seat and bury my head in my hands once more as I snip, "Do you see why?"

"Zak and Andrea agreed to this?" Is his first question, "No, sorry, this was their idea?"

"Partially."

"What the fuck. Okay, so, they're having you and Lando date to prove that Lando and Max hate eachother?" His voice is sharper than I've ever heard. Oscar's always been quiet, respectful, and even if I've seen him behind closed doors, I've never seen him like this.

"Yep." Is all I can muster in sarcastic response.

Oscar turns, and laughs with this look of absolute incredulity, "What the fuck does Max have to do with you?"

"I don't even know!" I shout and start laughing, hiding my face in my hands, "I don't even know, Oscar. Like? Is it because I'm close with Max outside of racing?"

"I mean, you are like one of the only non-racers who hangs out with us outside of the races." Oscar shrugs, sitting next to me on my desk and carding through my hair as he lets me rest my forehead against his thigh, "but...I just can't believe you both agreed to this. I can't believe how quickly you both did."

"They didn't threaten me, but it felt kinda..."

"It felt forced because they're your bosses and you don't wanna lose your job."

"Yep."

Oscar sighs, then pokes my nose, "Look, as long as he's not hurting you, I don't care what you do. But this is kinda stupid. Are you really fake dating him?"

I nod.

"Like, you both don't have actual romantic feelings for eachother and are just doing this for the money?" I hesitate to nod and Oscar laughs, "I love you, Ollie, I do, but you're such a shit liar and Lando can't hide his emotions for shit. You both clearly like eachother."

"We have to look like we like eachother for media--"

"You are so in denial! I see it in your eyes!"

"Oh, but you have room to talk, Mr. Oscar 'Heart Eyes' Piastri?"

"Hey!"

16 JUNE, CANADA

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW POST ↴

oliviapiastri: a wonderful weekend for my boys <3 love u all sm

ferawri: HER BOYS??? HER BOYS?? HERS???

redbwings: lando has been posted above max everyone, rb fans everywhere lose </3

oscarpiastri: didnt even post a podium pic of my face

oliviapiastri: i still work for rb regardless of how much u drag me to mclaren

landonorris: and i still cannot believe u chugged both of those redbulls

oliviapiastri: im fuckin CRAZYYYY

oaklynnpiastri: she does that quite often

maxverstappen: the flowers...

charlesleclerc: the way i was just about to comment something

charlesleclerc: @ carlossainz come look

carlossainz: omg no more trouble in paradise guys :D!

oliviapiastri: i'm never letting u guys into my office again ( @ scuderiaferrari come get ur drivers from the rb paddock before i kill them pretty pls <3 )

scuderiaferrari: RUNNING!!!

LANDONORRIS POSTED A NEW POST↴

landonorris: thank u canada, see u soon GB. I'm coming for p1.

oliviapiastri: AND U DIDNT SEND ME THAT PICTURE U BITCH

landonorris: SORRY I TOOK IT LIKE TWO SECONDS BEFORE POSTING !!!!!

maxverstappen: never gonna happen

landonorris: im gonna crashgate you max

oscarpiastri: MEDIA TRAINING LANDO MEDIA TRAINING!!!

landonorris: I AM NOT GOING TO CRASHGATE THIS. LEGALLY THAT WAS A JOKE.

mclaren: someone come get our drivers pls.

roscoefanacc: so he posts olivia.... strange man.

opheliapiastri: @ oaklynnpiastri look.

oaklynnpiastri: ✍✍✍

oscarpiastri: pls help me u two

opheliapiastri: skill issue.

liked by oaklynnpiastri, landonorris

carlossainz: go lando go

Somehow I end up with Daniel, Carlos, Charles, Max, and Lando in Oscar and I's hotel room. I've got probably six hundred dollars in drinks alone spread throughout the room, and I'm half laying in Lando's lap as Oscar recounts some story from back home. And as I take a sip of my drink, Lando comments to the story of Oscar's ex-girlfriend,

"Better than what Ollie and I are doing."

I spit the drink out, luckily into the glass and turn around to whack him while he shouts complaints, "Hey! You told all your siblings, we can tell these guys!"

"We aren't supposed to tell anyone!" I complain, laying back on him lap and jabbing my nail into his thigh, causing him to yelp in complaint.

"So, what are you guys doing?" Carlos asked, taking a good sized gulp of his drink, and once I've sworn a room full of drunk men to secrecy or castration, Lando and I indulge them in the truth fo our relationship. It goes like some sort of sports play-by-play, like we're the stars and they're the announcers, calling out everything they can think of.

"Wait, wait--so what happens if they find out you're telling people?" Daniel asks, eyes still wide in realization and I shrug.

"We probably lose a cut of the money we would've made off this whole stunt." Lando hums, "but honestly, money or not, this whole experience has been a lot of fun. Olivia's good company."

"So all the heart eyes I see you two shoot at each other are fake? How the hell are you so convincing!" Charles exclaims and both Carlos and Max back him up. I can't offer a proper explanation, so I just shrug and laugh. The conversation carries us through the time everyones leaving, other than Lando who had decided finishing a bottle of Bacardi by himself was a good idea and was now laying face first on the floor. I wasn't too far behind him, but able to make myself look sober enough to bid our friends goodbye at the door.

Max catches my arm before he leaves, phone on call with Kelly loosely in his other hand as he speaks softly, "Please don't feel like you have to date Lando because of this whole thing. Christian gave you a way out if you need it."

"We'll be okay." I laugh softly, looking back at sleepy Lando, who Oscar's trying to coax onto the couch where he might be a bit more comfy.

"Well, if anything, know you two at least sell everything really well." He grins and then Carlos and Charles are giggling and dragging him away as I wave goodbye and shut and lock the door. Lando has ended up on my bed, on top of everything we had been packing, and I tell Oscar it's good enough and that we can move Lando later when he's more awake.

But Oscar and I just get drunker throughout the night, so I dont think he ever gets moved.

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

THIS STORY HAS BEEN DELETED.

taglist:

@harrysdimple05 @charli123456789 @fangirl125reader

#f1 #formula one #f1 fanfic #formula 1 #lando norris #ln4 fic #lando norris x oc #ln4 #lando norris fic #f1 smau #lando norris smau #lando norris fanfic #lando norris au

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qqueenofhades · 1 month

Note

People are apparently saying "well I'm not gonna vote/vote for trump if tik tok is banned!"

I'm pretty sure they were already going to do that, this is just their excuse of the week

But more importantly, if a stupid app matters more to you than the actual lives trump and the republicans will deliberately destroy, well that says more about them don't it?

But wait... I thought they weren't going to vote because of Gaza/because Biden hasn't personally forgiven THEIR student loan/because something something corporate centrism/because something something garble garble??! Does this mean their excuses just change by the week according to whatever's in the headlines and have no actual logical coherence or adherence to a guiding principle? Surely you jest, good internet sir and/or madam. Shocking.

Anyway, also... they realize that this effort is being spearheaded by Republicans and is pretty transparently an attempt to get another huge social media platform (after the Bird App Formerly Known as Twitter) into the ownership of an ex-Trump Cabinet official and an investor group with Russian ties? And that voting for Trump would directly play into those people's hands? And that... wait, never mind. I still expect logic or reason to have any place in this discussion, and it doesn't. Just tell me Why They Aren't Voting For Biden!!! next week and maybe I can get ahead of the curve for once.

This, however, is likewise why I oppose this rushed and Republican-driven move to "ban TikTok!!" in a highly consequential election year and think somebody needs to talk some sense into Biden and/or the Senate that this is a stupid idea and should be shelved (or at the least, heavily revised or modified). Yes, TikTok being owned by a group with Chinese government ties isn't great, but there's no morally pure ultra-megacorp that's going to rush in to fill the void. Forcing the Chinese owners to divest will just create an opening for Trump's ex-Treasury Secretary and his Russian businessmen buddies to step in instead, and I don't know about you, but I don't think that's a net positive in terms of keeping Americans' personal data out of the hands of hostile foreign entities. We already have Musk shilling for the alt-right and the Russian government every chance he gets, using Twitter to prop up their narratives and their operations, and selling TikTok to a Trump/Russian-linked consortium in fucking 2024 would be an incredibly massive own goal and give MAGA and company virtually hegemonic control over American social media content. That is why I think this is a stupid idea and should be opposed, but also, I agree that people who are using this as their Excuse of the Week to not vote were deeply, deeply unlikely to vote in the first place.

This is also a perfect example of why "well now I won't vote >:[!!!!" as a threat/temper tantrum backfires every single time. If there are young people who are concerned about TikTok possibly being banned, and their response is to immediately throw temper tantrums about not voting, all that does is reinforce to elected officials that young people never vote, there is no need to make legislation that champions their interests, and they don't need to fear any electoral backlash because these people have already spent years announcing their intention to Not Vote at every opportunity and clearly aren't about to start now. They remove themselves further from the civic process at every turn, and they reinforce the narrative that young people as a group are not worth having their concerns or ideas prioritized, because even when politicians do other things that young people like and/or support, young people are poised to turn against them and urge No Vote!!! :( at the drop of a fucking hat. So, yeah. "Don't vote!" is always a stupid and self-defeating message, but I can't see how it's possibly supposed to convince politicians that a group of people already predisposed not to vote is going to make any difference from what they already do. So yeah. Like. Not that this surprises me, but it's literally the same threat they've echoed at every single turn, doesn't represent anything new, and will probably be changed 10 times before the election anyway.

#short-wooloo #ask #politics for ts #vote and get off my lawn

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nicosraf · 8 months

Note

You liked a Tweet about saying how wanting to dismantle the Christofacist System is genocide. Xtianity is and always has been genocidal to people like me you bigot. You can hide behind your book being Queer but we know

I wasn't going to respond because I'm still not convinced you're being sincere, but I'll be sincere! I can't find the tweet I liked, but I remember it, I think. This is the last time I'm going to respond to you. But I do hope you read this.

On Twitter, someone shared that a Tiktok user supposedly dreamed that all the Christians were taken away in a Rapture and the world became a better place. Someone quoted that tweet saying that wishing an entire religion was gone was a fascist/genocidal position, which it is! Even if the religion is awful, it's genocidal to want a group of people dead, you know, for what they believe. It's just the definition of the word. Don't be afraid of it.

I'm really fascinated by your use of "people like me" and "we know." Why do you think I'm not like you? You don't know anything about me. I don't know anything about you. I could ask, but you could lie, so I won't. I know that you know yourself though. So, why aren't I like you? And who is we? You are you in community with?

Is that community stronger than the one you hold with me? If it is, why?

Do you think I'm a Christian? I've never said I am. I've never talked about my beliefs. And I won't because they're personal to me.

"Genocidal to people like me" - I keep coming back to this. You know, I really know genocide. I worked as a reporting fellow, and I met a journalist from Kashmir that wrote about the ethnic cleansing conflict. We had a good discussion making comparisons between the militarization occurring there and with the displaced people I was working with at the time along the Mexico-America border. I've seen genocide. I'm familiar with the de-humanization, the treatment like your people are dirty and need to be kept out and eradicated.

In Mexico, priests are murdered a lot. Sometimes it's really violent. Dismemberments and hangings and all that. It's really dangerous to be a priest in Mexico, but in some communities, they run the migrant homes, argue with paramilitaries. You ask, "Why are you doing this?" And they'll say it's their faith, it's why they became a priest. They believe in goodness.

I knew a priest who was threatened by organized crime. They told him to hand over the Cubans in his care. He said he wouldn't. And then he was "disappeared", and it's been 2 years now. We'll probably never find him. I can still see him really vividly in my head. His glasses, his hands clasped together.

At the same time, my poor Mexico has only adopted Christianity through genocide, right? I've written about that too. The Franciscans and the children of the noble Nahua-indigenous people who worked together to destroy the indigenous religion; they ran into the villages and stole the wooden figurines and burned them. And, you know, when Hernan Cortes introduced a statue of Mary to the indigenous people, it's said that they took her and put her beside a statue of an indigenous goddess. Cortes was so mad that he threw a violent tantrum.

Historically, Latin Americans have been seen as bad Christians. I've seen why. In my home town, there is a statue of the goddess of death. Her name is Santa Muerte. At the same time, most people who worship her will call themselves Christian. Christianity means different things to different people, religion usually does.

Christianity is not fascism, actually. I guess I'll die on that hill. Christianity isn't the white American evangelicals you might know calling for rapture and apocalypse. To me, it's been priests in migrant shelters, it's been Latin Americans clutching their rosaries because they spent days kidnapped and tortured. It's also been something that is deeply heretical – a death goddess – but still Christian because this person has decided it is.

It's also a horror to me. I was put in conversion therapy. I will never be a regular person because of what was done to me. I was put in a Christian school where I was harassed over my clothes by nuns, saw violent homophobic and transphobic attacks in front of me routinely. I will never be comfortable with my identity because of Christianity. I will spend the rest of my life suffering because of what was done to me, by people I trusted.

But I know genocide. I know what it looks like, I know what it is. And if you want 2.6 billion people dead, then I'll say that's a lot of innocent people dead. That's genocide. A lot of those in the third world, a lot of colonized people who've made Christianity their own.

I don't know how old you are. For your sake, I'll assume you're my age. In which case, I'm not going to say "touch grass." Instead, just, please, volunteer at a migrant shelter, volunteer at a soup kitchen, work to protect the rights of un-housed people, organize a strike. Speak with your neighbors and ask them if they ever want to hang out, how their jobs are going.

A book written by a trans gay Mexican poking fun at Christian lore and exploring his interest in angels is not.... worth saying all this. Again, I'm not going to reply if you send me anything like this again. But I hope your week goes well. I hope that you go to sleep cozy. And if you're afraid of how scary things are for queer/trans folk, then I'm with you. I really am. You know, I self-published to avoid the book getting banned by fascist-Christians, and when I first announced ABM, I was harassed by Christians; they told me they would burn my book.

I hope you can find some peace in between all the fear. I wish that for both of us.

#mine #ask #maybeee #delete later #maybe ill turn anon off but only maybe

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skepticalarrie · 1 year

Note

But do you think it is like iMPOSSIBLE to end it or..?

IMO, at this point, it feels more likely for HL to come out than babygate to end. These are two scenarios where we have very similar issues: to erase the past. But one could cancel the other, if that was the case. Let me try to explain, join me in my rambling:

I don't think it's impossible for babygate to end, anything is possible and it could end tomorrow as far as I'm concerned. It's just the way I see things, it becomes more unlikely every day because 1) Louis is in too deep. And 2) There's no way they can end this without bringing attention to the fact people had conspiracy theories about this since day one. It would inevitably bring attention to EVERYTHING we have been talking about, including Larry, and this can so easily get out of our bubble on twitter, it's a very dangerous game to be played. I mean if they potentially faked an entire pregnancy what else there is to find out? Like what happened with boobiegate, that was a good taste of how things could unfold.

As for Larry, it's hard to speculate about that because I think this is very personal, I really have no idea if coming out is what want, in the first place. Recently, I think this is less their goal than it was before, they seem comfortable keeping it more to themselves, which is fair. So please keep in mind this is very complex so this is a completely hypothetical scenario, to put things into perspective: When we consider a coming out, exposing the past and convincing people this is a recent thing was always a topic of discussion. TBH I never thought this was a big issue, given people forget things easily. I always imagined they wouldn't overexplain anything and let the old rumours die out, which sounds reasonable and I think it would be doable 10-15 years from now. But honestly, I never thought Harry would get this big either, which makes things much harder. So in a scenario where they plan to come out sooner - which I'm personally still very resistant but whatever - babygate wouldn't be in the way, it would help. You see, babygate served many purposes through the years, but the main reason was always to solidify Louis' heterosexuality and assure that Larry rumours were under control. So if they eventually decide to come out, it's more likely for people to believe this was recent - and wouldn't put a lot of powerful people in very hot waters - if Louis had a son, he had sex with a woman in order for that to happen etc etc. Long story short I think Larry is less questionable than babygate. Ending babygate is potentially exposing Larry, but not the other way around. Larry is just the tip of the iceberg.

#I think I just unlocked a new level of conspiracy theories in my brain 🤔#maybe that's why babygate happened in the first place?#anyway this went too far #babygate #end it #coming out #ask #babygate 2023

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joyce-stick · 1 year

Text

Adachi and Shimamura's Second Season

An essay by Audrey of the joystick system

Revealing and analyzing the plot of Adachi and Shimamura's never-yet-released second season of anime.

TL;DR

Adachi and Shimamura, the yuri light novel series by Hitoma Iruma, is extremely good. The currently serialized manga adaptation by Yuzuhara Moke is also good. The anime is good too, but not finished.

The novels go some rather surprising places, and this essay is about those surprises and how Adachi and Shimamura, quite unexpectedly, proves itself a very unique series quite unlike many others in the yuri genre.

Mainly because it's secretly also science fiction.

Video version:

youtube

Text version under the cut. Feel free to watch or read or read along while listening to the video version!

[cohost version]

Future video essay/transcript: Audrey's Best Girls Winter 2023

If you're on desktop, you may find this more comfy to read directly on our Tumblr site.

If you enjoy this essay, please consider following us here or on any other platforms, and/or donating to support future works via our Patreon or Ko-fi.

Patreon • Ko-fi • YouTube • Twitter • Cohost • Tumblr • Mastodon

Prologue: Triviality & Psychology

Despite not having read a single word that Hitoma Iruma has written, I think I’ve been convinced, with relative certainty, that he’s probably a pretty good writer.

The English versions of his work that we have read, which are written by other people, based on his novels written in Japanese, that we haven’t read, give the impression that his novels are pretty good.

Of course, the specific work we’re here to discuss today is Adachi and Shimamura, but of what little else we’ve read of his work, mainly the first chapter of the Bloom Into You spinoff novels, there’s a consistent focus on introspection and careful characterization and articulation through all sorts of details, both trivial and otherwise.

This may sound arrogant, but I knew early on that I was talented.

When I say “talented,” I mean that I can get results when I work really hard and that I can maintain those results, too. I think I understood the value of those two things much sooner than the other kids.

Thus, I didn’t mind that my after-school schedule was full of lessons. There were ikebana classes, calligraphy school, piano, cram school, and once I was a third year in elementary school, swimming lessons, too. I was considering taking on English speaking classes next. I pretty much took anything available to me. As a kid, I felt lucky that I was even allowed those choices.

Even a child could see that that my house was a respectable one. We had a lacquered gate, a side door for the help on the left side, and many tall trees in our garden. The surrounding walls were tall enough to prevent anyone from peering inside. Our house was bigger than the entirety of the light-green apartment complex across from us. In addition to my parents and I, my grandparents on my father’s side and their two cats lived there. It was quite a lot of space for so few people.

Growing up in that house, I knew I had no choice but to be talented. No one actually said as much, but I knew instinctively that it was true. As long as I kept moving with purpose and produced good results, my parents never seemed upset. What parents wouldn’t be happy to have an exceptional kid?

[Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka, Vol. 1 by Hitoma Iruma

Translated by Jan Cash & Vincent Castaneda

Published in English by Seven Seas in 2020]

The first pages of the Sayaka novels open with Sayaka describing her school curriculum and extracurricular activities, her awareness that she’s a gifted student, and that she’s incredibly committed to being one, so much so that she rarely quits something. She is devoted.

And this characterization informs the rest of the work quite readily, as Sayaka finds herself first annoyed by another girl at her swim practice, who to her, appears not devoted.

Devoted perhaps, not to swimming, but to Sayaka herself. And then her first lesbianic encounter with that same girl results in panic, in her running away, in her quitting.

Quitting for the first time she can remember.

And her quiet surprise when her parents just accept that.

All this is told to us, in prose, in monologue, it’s delicate and psychological and intriguing and it leaves us wanting to know more.

And yet somehow, we read all this, were fascinated, and then our attention span burned down around it and we forgot about it for a year or two.

So, yeah, that happened. And we also forgot about… until one day very recently I, Audrey, decided to wrangle this mess of a brain and have us settle down to read it… Adachi and Shimamura.

Part 1: The Adashima-daptations

1.1 Anime vs Manga vs Light Novel

Most of y’all know Adachi and Shimamura for being an anime. And, that’s fair, I guess, it is an anime after all. But it’s also an adaptation, as most anime are. And specifically an adaptation of a novel, or a series of novels, the first four of them at least.

Those four novels are only the first act of the story. There’s now ten, with at least two more planned, and we’ve read eight of them, and I have opinions. So you’re going to hear them, because someone has to. Unless you don’t want to, and then you can leave, I guess. We are fine with people leaving. Anyway.

Concerning the anime, we have some feelings about it. Our overall opinion is that it’s good. It’s a pretty good anime, it’s a competent adaptation, and we don’t really have a lot of complaints as to its quality in either of those respects.

It’s not a particularly lavish production, nowhere near as technically impressive as Bloom Into You (which is one notable example of “probably about as close as you can get to a KyoAni level work without being from KyoAni”) but it’s pleasantly storyboarded, elegantly scored, and overall perfectly watchable.

It’s good enough to recommend as an entry point into the story (although the Moke manga is the far better adaptation), but woefully insufficient as a substitute for it. Partially for the obvious snag that it ends before the relationship gets going, and there’ll likely never be a second season.

But there’s also some speedbumps that have, somewhat unavoidably, arisen from adapting the story to a visual medium.

1.2 Shimadensity

When the anime aired, the thing I most remember is people being confused as all heck why Shimamura was so… dense.

That is to say, blind. A blind blonde, an unnatural blonde at that, being blind to the obvious homosexual before herself, being extremely homosexual towards her in her presence and drinking mineral water, which, as anyone who’s seen the film Heathers knows, is a universal signifier of homosexuality.

And, well, you see, there is an answer to that. Shimamura is not blind whatsoever.

She knows something is up with Adachi, and it’s not as if she’s not pretty nearly drawn the conclusion that Adachi is attracted to her, but she’s just sort of averted her eyes from it.

She’s decided, albeit somewhat subconsciously, that thinking about Adachi being gay is troublesome. Answering the question of “why Adachi wants to hold my hand, wants to be so close to me,” and all that, isn’t a path she’d like to take, and so she just ignores it.

Shimamura’s gotten through life this way, by not thinking too hard about it. Just going with the flow, letting everyone around her take her wherever, putting up a path of least resistance through life. She finds forming genuine, lasting connections with people difficult, and doesn’t really feel very strongly about most of her peers.

But she also feels that she needs people, anyway, so she masks through it, politely smiles, and lets her relationships just happen, come and go like the waves. This does bother Shimamura, if for no other reason than that she finds it tedious and tiresome, but she just kind of rolls with it anyway.

Meanwhile, Adachi is explicitly an introvert to the extreme, and not in the Bocchi kind of way, where she wants to make friends but can’t; no, Adachi straight-up doesn’t want friends. She finds friendships burdensome, to the point of being soul-crushing.

An anecdote in the novels has Adachi describing how, in elementary school, she made an honest attempt towards being more socially active, but found that each new friend she made felt like another chain on her soul.

But these forced friendships weighed down on me, suppressing my emotions, erasing all my imperfections. Whenever one of them spoke to me, I had to craft a fitting response and keep the conversation going. No part of this was genuine; I just parroted whatever I heard other people saying.

Every time I repeated this process, I grew restless. And every time I gained a new friend, I boxed myself in further, closing off my exits.

But then one day I threw it all in the trash and walked off without them…and that was the day I noticed just how freeing it felt. All I needed was a single breath of fresh air to finally realize that I was meant to live my life alone.

[Adachi and Shimamura volume 4 (Chapter 3: The Moon and Courage) by Hitoma Iruma

Translated by Molly Lee

Published by Seven Seas in 2021]

Eventually coming to accept that, at least in her view, she was not built for close relationships with other humans.

To put it simply, it’s not a skill issue. She just doesn’t care for the grind.

1.3 They Who Don't Remember Your Name

In middle school, she comes off towards her peers as an ice queen, and there’s this really really interesting chapter- the first chapter, in fact, in the fourth novel, where Adachi is described from the perspective of someone else. An unnamed fellow student, with whom she is delegated to work the school library counter, who tries and fails to form a connection with her.

And this student’s description of Adachi is fascinating. Adachi is described as someone who, in step with her desire to eschew friends, is seen by the student body as seemingly unattainable. And this student is startled, then elated, to have the opportunity to even sit near this person.

But Adachi, unconscious and undesiring of her semi-celebrity status within the school, deflects all attempts to break her shell, and so there this unnamed student stays, stays looking, stays admiring.

And then one day this girl, this unnamed student who we never again hear of, who has no significant characterization to speak of, no importance to this story other than to be a lens through which we see Adachi- happens to run into Adachi once again at the beginning of their high school’s second semester, and takes the opportunity to say

“Thank you.”

For something that Sakura Adachi didn’t know. Didn’t see. Couldn’t feel. Didn’t realize. Something so incorporeal to her, yet so powerful to this one peer of hers, as having been allowed to be in proximity to her, to have a memory of her that none else can claim to have.

And Adachi doesn’t get it, and can’t possibly have it explained, and it’s just… that’s it, really. That’s just that chapter.

It was gut-wrenching to read, because it tapped deeply into a specific desire that’s been stuck within us for a long time, that we’ve previously found it… really hard to articulate without sounding weird, or creepy, or wrong.

The desire to know how we were seen, the impact we’ve made on people we crossed paths with whose names we don’t know, whose faces we’ve forgot, or whose lives just briefly overlapped with ours at one time or another

to know if they’re okay, to know if they even remember us, or, the person who we used to be, whoever that was, to be able to affirm that those connections, however tenuous, were important.

And just like… yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know if what I’m saying even makes any sense, but those many little encounters, those small moments that made us who we were

have left us conscious of dozens if not hundreds of possible branches in this life, that could have butterfly effected us somewhere completely different from where we currently are, and we can’t know, and we can’t say

but it’s just it, that basic feeling of I wonder how you’re doing, I wonder how life could have been if we’d followed after you, I wonder if you think about me too.

And that desire to achieve closure, something articulated, actualized, in this unnamed girl saying thank you, and at the same time, saying goodbye. To another Sakura on the wind.

1.4 Adachi Recollection

These events are not adapted in the anime. They are not adapted in either of the manga adaptations.

But there is such significance to this anecdote, such immense weight that is given to this random no-name and her view of Adachi, a story about Adachi to which Adachi herself was nearly entirely oblivious.

But then later in one of the most pivotal moments of Adachi’s character arc when a shady fortune teller convinces her to do something about her friendship with Shimamura before they drift ever further away, and she remembers that girl,

Every now and then, I thought back to this one time in junior high when I worked as a library assistant. There was this girl—I couldn’t remember her name or even what she looked like, but she asked me if I had any friends. At the time, I told her I didn’t, and that I was fine with it…but looking back, I couldn’t help but wonder why she asked me that. Was she going to offer to be my friend?

Even then, my answer would have remained the same. I would have told her I didn’t need any friends. But part of me regretted how that interaction played out. Part of me felt that we should have talked it out first, like actual human beings, instead of me one-sidedly slamming her with rejection.

With that in mind, I didn’t want to add to my list of regrets. I couldn’t keep sticking my head in the sand. No, I was going to take action. And if I ended up regretting that, then so be it.

[Adachi and Shimamura volume 4 (Chapter 3: The Moon and Courage) by Hitoma Iruma

Translated by Molly Lee

Published by Seven Seas in 2021]

And this is such a hugely emotional payoff. Adachi did remember. That girl did affect her life. Even despite Adachi’s efforts to refuse connections, still, such a trivial interaction still made her who she is, still contributed to altering the course of her life, and that’s just… y’know, like, gosh.

This is so fucking cathartic to think about, y’know? Even if that person you remember, you wish you could have known, isn’t thinking about you, barely remembers you… you still were there. You still did something for them. Even if it was just being there, even if your feelings didn’t reach them right then, even if even if even if.

The fact that you crossed paths with them, alone, is significant.

It’s that affirmation of that fact that I see in this small, insignificant seeming novel-only plot beat, from which I feel so much meaning is exuded, and, why it's a shame it was excluded.. It may have seemed trivial, seemed unimportant, and seemingly that’s why every adaptation adapted this out,

but that triviality is precisely what is so important about it.

I cannot exaggerate enough when I say that I feel something essential is lost by this piece of story being discluded from every other version.

And that’s really the curse of adapting Adashima, in general. There are so many other details of the characters and story, too numerous to list, that the prose takes time to explore and develop and clarify, that would be tedious to elaborate on in an anime or a manga, and are thus cut.

And rightly so, for the sake of telling the story economically in those mediums, but what is lost as a result is the essential psychological depth of this narrative. And yes, it is a psychological narrative. A cerebral one, even.

Yes, it’s true. Adachi and Shimamura is a calmer, gayer, Kaguya-sama.

And that’s why

Shimamura is so

fucking

dense.

And why Adachi and Shimamura, is so, fucking, dense.

Part 2: A (mostly) calmer, gayer Kaguya-sama

2.1 Cold War of Gay Panic

Once you’ve read deep enough into Adashima, there is absolutely no way around it, this is a deeply psychological conflict. The characters’ mental states and attitudes, the things they won’t say, say so much more in this story than anything else. Which is why I think, although the adaptations are pretty good:

The Moke manga adaptation is actually really good, it does a much better job visually illustrating the psychological aspect of the story than the anime does, and, I think, if you’re really allergic to prose but really want to read Adashima, you should read the Moke version.

It’s not a perfect 1 to 1 recreation of the story, no adaptation ever is, but it’s pretty damn up there. Nonetheless, the adaptations are still limited in how far they can go in elevating their versions, and Adachi and Shimamura, the anime, is good.

Just good.

It’s a competent slice-of-life anime and an incomplete romantic drama. And it’s nice to have a visual companion to the story. But as a standalone piece of media, it’s not all that much more. It doesn’t get the time to develop things further, or to get to the things that make Adachi and Shimamura, as a story, something truly unique.

So, I mentioned earlier that Adachi decided she can’t do relationships, of any kind, and you might be thinking, well that sounds like a terrible protagonist for a romance story, and oh gosh you have no idea. Adachi is a total disaster of a human being. And just to drive that point home quite clearly, I want to read this particular quote from volume 5:

Besides Shimamura, the current me had nothing. I was empty.

Were you to peel back my skin, you'd find not flesh and bones, but her. Shimamura.

And yet. And yet. I felt like I might start tearing out my hair soon. Simply allowing my mind to wander caused my eyes to grow wet with tears.

The fantasies I'd indulged in were not based on anything. I knew that. Even so. Even so.

Was it really that wrong, wanting to be rewarded? Wanting your efforts to pay off?

[From Adachi and Shimamura, volume 5, "Shimamura's Sword"

Written by Hitoma Iruma

Translated and published unofficially by sneikkimies]

To be quite exact: This particular bit of text is from the fan translation of Adachi and Shimamura volume 5. I do not know what the original Japanese says. I do not know what emotional connotation the original Japanese carries. The official translation from Seven Seas, meanwhile, rather says:

Outside of Shimamura, I had nothing. Cut me open and I would bleed Shimamura. So how could she do this to me? Every time I let my guard down, tears welled in my eyes. I knew my feelings were one-sided, and yet…was it so wrong to want her to return them?

[Adachi and Shimamura volume 5 (Chapter 4: Shimamura's Blade) by Hitoma Iruma

Translated by Molly Lee

Published by Seven Seas in 2021]

The official translation is quick, concise, sharp. It cuts thick, as it says, like the slashing of a knife across skin. In this version, Adachi hardly lingers on this emotion, her mind races, her thoughts tear through her.

But in the fan translation, the feeling is mulled over, gradually peeled away, as it says, revealed slowly, with intense deliberation.

The chapter from which this comes, Shimamura’s Sword- or, Shimamura’s Blade in the Seven Seas translation, is perhaps the most psychological chapter contained within the entire series. It is a chapter that, knowing Adachi, you know is coming from the very first few pages, when this illustration of one of the upcoming chapters is shown.

It is Shimamura and Tarumi, her childhood friend who has tried to rekindle their connection after years apart, and Adachi, working a food stand, watching as Shimamura goes out with a girl- a girl who she doesn’t know, a girl who isn’t her.

We knew this was coming from this very moment, and yet, it still smacked, it hurt, when we got to this chapter. Adachi pondering, stewing in this jealousy, after days of depression, as her mental state reaches a boiling point, before erupting straight into the receiver of her cell phone, in the form of her screaming crying voice, transmitted straight to Shimamura’s ears.

Our pulse had steadily begun to quicken as we read this on our own cell phone, our heart in step with Adachi, as she began to speak these words, and we stopped reading, almost too afraid to turn the page.

We did eventually go back to it, of course.

It was not too long after that I realized why this chapter had tripped us up like it did. We saw ourselves in this. No, it’s quite accurate to rather say that we were worse than this.

We too, when we were Adachi’s age, had a crush who saw us as a friend, to whom we had limited access. We too, grew depressed and jealous and angry at being away from them, as a result of us having few other friends and no one else particularly on our mind or in our social life. We too, were bitter about our negative home life.

But we didn’t stop quite at where Adachi stopped, at airing our grievances, at assaulting our crush with our undue anger- no, we made a specific threat.

I won’t be repeating that here, but needless to say, we never followed up on it. It’s been nearly a decade since then, and we haven’t ever not regretted it whenever that memory resurfaces.

While the things we said up to that point, the emotions we aired, were probably not as bad as the things Adachi says here… the threat kind of compensated for that. I’d say, in the end, we were just about as bad as Adachi at her age.

We were not ready for a romantic relationship with anyone, at that age. We probably still aren’t, and personally, I don’t want one. I have doubts that it’ll ever go well. My headmates feel different, but, they’re not talking right now, so…

Anyway. Shimamura is annoyed, doesn’t even follow what the fuck Adachi is on about, hangs up, and Adachi thinks she’s thrown away their friendship.

But then she works up the courage to call Shimamura again, or, perhaps more accurately, lacks the emotional maturity to let it go, and they reconcile.Although weirdly, Shimamura doesn’t seem bothered.

And then, although Shimamura tries to get Adachi to make more friends, it doesn’t really work, one of the most FUCK YOU I’M AUTISTIC AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS scenes ever, happens

And then the next volume, Adachi tearfully confesses to Shimamura for a second time after a first time blundering it and passing out while gripping her close in the bath while they’re both wearing swimsuits, gosh that’s also the most fucking hilariously cringe scene, just imagine how embarrassing it must be to pass out from telling your crush how you feel about them, and

THEN Shimamura accepts Adachi’s feelings, and then they are officially girlfriends.

2.2 "Problematic" Yuri

And the whole time I was reading this. The whole damn time, I could not stop thinking. I can fucking see it. The thinkpieces, the ones going, “How Adachi and Shimamura exploits queer teenage girls, by depicting queer teenage girls realistically.”

The twitter threads going, “is Shimamura right, for not taking Adachi’s shit right then, or was she being an asshole, instead of, y’know, it being revealed that her patience has limits but also she later feels like maybe she was a bit too cold and made a mistake…” or like, “is Adachi a womanizer, or a yandere, or a dangerous abusive codependent manipulator”.

Were the arcs of volumes 4 through 8 to be adapted to a second season of anime, there’d be plenty of fuel for opportunistic media criticism weirdos such as ourselves to say… “is Adachi and Shimamura problematic?”

And, no, it’s not. It’s dramatic. This is a psychological romantic drama about a deeply emotional neurodivergent teenage girl who has human flaws. Like, yes, Adachi is jealous and controlling and even a bit mean, and she knows this.

And we’ve seen these articles and twitter threads about Adashima, about Yagakimi and about other queer media in general, floating around, that are just like, is this lesbian relationship between two mentally ill teenagers dangerously codependent or abusive?

We sometimes even floated around to that idea ourselves, reading all the yuri stuff we read- we read a lot of yuri stuff, and, a lot of the time the answer is just, yeah, maybe.

Is that wrong? Is it wrong to depict these things as part of a normal story with stakes and drama? Don’t these people need to have issues in order for the story to have somewhere it can move up from?

There seems to be a subset of the queer leftish internet and hell, pop cultural media criticism internet in general, that just doesn’t want things to happen in narratives

And like, Joyce sort of had this phase herself, in reaction to her breakup last year, where, she wanted to believe that the fact that she was a fan of Love Live was the problem. The fact that Love Live occasionally features shots of teenage girls’ legs, that would’ve been the issue, not that she had a difficult personality or overinflated expectations of her partners.

She just stopped reading yuri for a while, because she just thought, maybe the fact that I was reading yuri stories that just pretend these issues don’t exist, maybe that’s the problem.

Maybe the fact that these stories have male gaze, because they’re targeted at men, is the problem. Maybe I’m actually a man, is the problem. And y’know, this is all just bullshit. This is all just self-directed homophobia as an excuse for happening to be a bit of a fucked up person who is queer.

And that’s really all that is. People don’t criticize straight romance stories for characters having realistic relationship issues. People don’t even criticize straight romance stories for being exploitative or fucked up or weird or anything.

Well, some people do, but y’know. No chance would the average online anime fan be having such takes on like, I don’t know, oregairu. But even the most like, reasoned takes on Yagakimi from very smart people online, have to acknowledge, oh yeah some of these characters check off all the boxes for the “predatory lesbian” trope.

That sentence says everything, doesn’t it? There is a predatory lesbian trope. Is there a “predatory heterosexual” trope? Is there heterosexual shipping bait? We sure could pretend there is one, as a bit, but like, no. The answer’s no.

And like, yes, the depictions of queers as uniquely specifically unhinged and dangerous by straight people is a thing that is a thing because of queerphobia, itself, and maybe it makes us look good or better somehow to paint ourselves as not having awful personalities or issues with relationships so that bigots have less rhetorical ammo against us.

But somehow the more I think about all this the more I think that, maybe, the predatory gay tropes in straight media aren’t just straightforwardly to make queer people look bad, but to make us afraid of ourselves. And to make us afraid of art that depicts us as human beings and not just soft uwu girls.

Maybe the reason was to make us afraid of Adachi.

Anyway. I’m just going to say it. There is no problematic media. Fictional, and especially animated or drawn media, cannot be declared immoral simply on the basis of what it chooses to depict. And it’s high time we stopped deluding ourselves into thinking it can be.

And I know this is all very much an extremely online discourse, and most normal people offline don’t tend to think of media quite that way, but it still pisses us off, y’know? It pisses us off that this stupid problematism bullshit around fictional media had us brain poisoned for like half a fucking decade. So we’re really rather ticked off by that.

…That’s not the point of this essay. Maybe it’ll be the point of another one.

2.3 Drama Lesbian Queens

So, yeah, to sum it up, a lot of yuri things that the average concentration of yuri fans like tend to be free of too much conflict, and quick to gay. And Adachi and Shimamura fulfills the former requirement, most of the time, at least, and especially in all the material adapted by the first season.

Past volume 4, however, things start getting more intense, because, well, Adachi, first of all. Adachi is a whole person. Tarumi is also a whole person, although we don’t get to see too much of her, it seems pretty clear she’s going through her own general turmoil away from the center of the story, and yeah.

Yashiro also. What the hell is with her? Well, it turns out, she actually is an alien, or at the very least her being an alien is a much more plausible explanation than anything else. We’ll get to her in a bit, maybe.

The relationship happens, with Adachi and Shimamura, being girlfriends, and that’s just adorable the way that works out. Shimamura isn’t a hundred percent certain she loves Adachi, but she doesn’t dislike Adachi, she’s certainly not indifferent to Adachi, and she’s open to trying Adachi out, so, she accepts.

Adachi is at first her usual jealous self, taking this as license to be even more aggressive about not wanting Shimamura to speak to or even look at any other girls in the world. Adachi’s literally never had any other relationships, not even with her own mother, so, that just makes sense, she thinks of being together as special itself.

Which prompts Shimamura to try to think of ways to raise Adachi’s bar for things being special, by such things as… making Adachi lunch. Kissing Adachi’s forehead. And that’s where that stays for a little while! The third base of lesbian, homemade lunches and forehead kissing.

And that’s all really cool and satisfying, cause there’s not a lot of yuri stories, hell, not a lot of romance stories, period, that actually depict the work of the relationship. Most yuri just rush to have the girls kissing, and that’s that. It’s a lot of casual fluff, with not a lot of particular focus on how the relationships develop, or anything.

In devoting her time to doting on Adachi, Shimamura neglects Tarumi, and the distance between them widens again. She one night thinks in a dream, ominously, that Adachi, in her quest to have Shimamura all to herself, has ruined Shimamura’s relationships. But Shimamura’s not sure that bothers her.

And Adachi continues to have her personality issues, but, she and Shimamura are both happy for now, and so not too much active drama ensues- just anxiety, just tension, just slow development.

And this continues through volume 7 and 8, but Iruma makes a very interesting creative choice to capture the totality of the narrative. Starting in volume 5, certain alternate contexts for the beginning of Adachi and Shimamura’s relationship are depicted.

In the first chapter of that volume, Adachi and Shimamura first meet as small children in preschool, during which Yashiro introduces the basic concept of an alternate timeline to us readers.

Then in volume 7, we get vignettes where Adachi doesn’t decide to close the distance between herself and Shimamura, and instead continues hiding on the second floor of the gym. Where Adachi and Shimamura never meet in high school, and instead find each other as adults. Where Adachi and Shimamura encounter each other at the end of the world. Where Shimamura is an alien- or perhaps, I should more accurately say, a foreigner from space, whose language Adachi spends years learning just so that they can talk.

And all of this is written from the perspective of Adachi and Shimamura feeling as if this is random chance, a simple coincidence, luck of the draw, the one twist of fate that changed their lives forever.

But then in volume 8, Iruma skips ahead a decade.

2.4 Ending the Second Season

Adachi and Shimamura are now living together, both 27 years old. Is Adachi still clingy and jealous? Less so, apparently, but, it’s not explored fully. How are Hino and Nagafuji- I’m just realizing I’ve barely if at all mentioned them in this entire essay. How’s Tarumi, is she okay? I don’t know.

But regardless, adult Shimamura goes and says hello to Yashiro, the small child-shaped alien who’s taken up an unofficial position as the Shimamura family pet, and Yashiro says something very interesting.

Shimamura and Adachi meeting is not chance whatsoever. It is in fact, destiny. According to Yashiro, anyway.

In every timeline and reality, she says, they are fated to encounter each other- not because they’re special, not because the universe is eyeing them closely or anything, but simply because they are. Because, apparently, reality likes being consistent, or perhaps finds it too exhausting to get particularly creative. Adachi and Shimamura just meet each other because, the code for reality gets copy pasted. Or something.

Yashiro has no answer for this, particularly, other than that it just is, and she doesn’t seem bothered by it. Shimamura doesn’t think too much of it either, and then she and Adachi go off on their overseas vacation and reminisce as a framing device for the rest of the novel, which is about the school trip they went on in their second year.

And, about how Adachi is horny, but, doesn’t know what the hell to do with that. And about their classmates who are grouped up with them for the trip noticing that they’re a same-gender couple, and surprisingly, supporting them! At least, one of them does.

Well, it was surprising to us, and surprising to Shimamura, who expresses in her internal monologue that she was afraid of facing a much less nice reaction after Adachi, in her lack of care for how she’s seen by others, basically outed them.

But it’s also not that surprising, because in the Reiwa era of the yuri genre, it’s pretty normal for there to be more straightforward acceptance of homosexuality and less “just a phase” framing, that there is.

This is a thing that our friend @studentofetherium went into in a tumblr post, well, volunteered to go into it rather, after they mentioned this fact to us and I told them that I was writing this. Also, they take credit for coining the term “reiwa era yuri” so if there’s another term I guess someone might tell us, but otherwise we’re just gonna continue using this one.

So, the school trip happens, things happen on the school trip, and the whole time Shimamura is wondering, do I really love Adachi? Is this relationship going to go okay? Will we have a future together? And when her classmate asks her these things she just… doesn’t really know.

And then, in a twist of an ending to the eighth volume that feels custom fucking made for the hypothetical second season of the anime to end here, Shimamura has an epiphany. As she’s stumbling through the fog that’s emerged around their school trip bus, she realizes that she’s looking through the fog… for Adachi.

Because Shimamura really does love Adachi, really does care about Adachi, want to live with Adachi, and they find each other and meet each other’s eyes and it’s just this entire love magic cinema moment

and then that night they sleep together.

By which I mean, they just sleep. The idea that one or both of them want to have sex is floated, but neither of them are emotionally ready for that. So they just lay down, and they chat about how their future is going to go, how they want to one day go even farther than there- and the last chapter cuts ahead to them, in the future, again, going home from their overseas trip, from whence they've gone farther.

And it’s just like.

Huh. Neat.

Part 3: The Trouble With Life

3.1 The Improbability of Endings

Most yuri, most romance, stories just kind of end at, they dated, they kissed, they’re together now. The end.

Even Bloom Into You, a romance story that we like so much that Yuu Koito literally infected our brain, just gets its two leads together, has them fuck, and has an epilogue going, “yeah, so they got married, they’re fine now.” And it’s not out of a lack of care, or consideration, or laziness, or anything, that so many romance stories end this way, it’s more that human relationships are kind of metal as fuck.

So metal, in fact, that they take years and years and are fickle as hell and, no matter how much work you put into them, will constantly collapse under the slightest pressure, like a run of your favorite roguelike, or some kind of massive long-term jenga tower of social pressures and favors and feelings that you just cannot stabilize.

And this is something Shimamura and Adachi are both very conscious of, that Tarumi is conscious of when she encounters Shimamura again after all those years, that everyone in this story is painfully aware of- human relationships are not built to last. Especially not in a world like this, in an economic system like capitalism that’s seemingly hell bent on tearing us all away from each other at every turn.

Dealing with all that is hard to do within the framework of a traditional narrative. So, a lot of romance stories do end with the couple getting together, because, that’s economical. It’s easy. It’s satisfying. You don’t need to think about it too hard, don’t need to think about how most relationships just kind of fizzle out and fade and everything.

And Adashima does ponder the fragility of relationships so much more than most other romance fiction we’ve read, and it takes its time to try and make the relationship between its leads special, to make it believable that this will last. The fact that Iruma puts so much time and thought and effort into this relationship and its development and strengthening makes it come across, in context, as just a little bit off when the story just

Skips the rest of them.

The reveal that Adachi and Shimamura are literally bound by fate is not handled as cheaply as you might think, or, really, cheaply at all. It doesn’t ruin the story, Shimamura doesn’t really have any regard for it, she’s just kinda like, yeah, well, our relationship happened and it’s fine regardless, I don’t need to understand all the fate stuff.

And its y’know, it’s good. It’s good that it’s working out. But I still have so many questions. Adachi’s personality. Shimamura’s devotion. Is she devoted, I don’t know. She doesn’t seem devoted, so how’s that working out? How’s it going to work out if and when Adachi asks for something that Shimamura can’t or won’t give, and then that’s the point at which the relationship is truly strained?

Tarumi. Do they stay friends? Will Adachi ever meet Tarumi? Will Tarumi be upset that someone else likes Shimamura? How’s Shimamura going to take all that? And everything, and everything else. How are their parents going to take it? It seems that it’s fine in the future, but was there drama, was there difficulty? Or did they just not care that much? I don’t know.

On the one hand, it’s nice to see the future stuff more, it’s nice to see a more thorough exploration of an adult couple’s life in a yuri story than we’ve previously really gotten. We all want that sequel to Bloom Into You. Cause it’d be nice to capture that experience in an art piece.

But the way it’s paced, well, it feels disappointing because I don’t really like the way that it kind of arbitrarily makes the story end, before it, keeps going, but also I can’t really criticize it for that because, well, I can’t think of a particularly better solution. I know we all want answers to these questions, we all want to see more of this, and Iruma would probably like to write more of it, but they have other things they want to write and unfortunately aren’t immortal.

In the eighth of Iruma’s afterwards, which consistently fail to convince us that they are not writing their autobiography here, it is explained that volume 8’s flash forward to the future is the ending. Or at least, an ending. You could say, a contingency, so that if Iruma stops writing the novels prematurely, then there will have been an ending.

There’s currently eleven total volumes, and there’s going to be two more, or so says Iruma, with the eleventh one having come out while we were working on this essay. So, yeah, that’s the reason why this feels so weird, so much like a forced ending to the series at the expense of the larger plot’s pacing. Because this one person can’t spend their entire life writing the life of a fictional cast of characters.

And that’s just the tragedy of our finite lives, isn’t it, that we can’t spend all our lives chilling out, eating food, and making art. Hopefully one day someone’ll have that figured out. But in the meantime.

Reading this, and considering both the conclusive way with which volume 8 ended, as well as the fact that there was a change in illustrators starting with volume 9, and the thought that this would be the ending of the hypothetical second season of the anime… Which is our own original thought, I should clarify. We decided it’d make the most sense to treat it as a clean break in the story, and read volume 9… later.

After reading… the Anime Special Novel. Which is also quite interesting, for some different reasons!

3.2 The Time Lord Cat

Just in case you’ve never heard of this before, I probably need to explain what the hell it is. So, when Adachi and Shimamura, the anime, got a blu-ray release, the publishers wanted to include some incentives for buying the thing even if you’d already seen the anime on TV or wherever.

As such, they asked Iruma to write them something to include as a bonus. And so, four new light novel chapter-sized pieces of writing from Iruma were distributed in the first runs of each of the four blu-ray volumes. And these stories, which, otherwise have seen no official release, got translated into English by the same people doing the fan translations of the main novels.

So it might be more accurate, technically, to describe these as four different discrete novels, but that’s a huge linguistic nuisance. It’s four chapters, that’s only about a chapter or two smaller than the average light novel, so I’m just gonna describe it as a four-chapter novel, because it basically is one. Anyway. The Anime Special Novel is about Yashiro, and how she is an immortal cat.

Did I already explain who Yashiro is? I don’t know. Anyway, Yashiro is best explained as an alien and corollary to Shinobu Oshino, anime’s other mildly famous non-human immortal child, who one day waltzes into town and sweet talks all the humans into giving her food. And we say, “Wait, an alien, really?”

While the anime provides no real answer, the novels eventually get around to clarifying, “Yes, an alien. Really.”

Yashiro is most definitely not a human, and not a documented Earth species, so she’s probably an alien. Her pockets are bigger on the inside. She can read minds. She barely ages after ten, seventy, and then thousands of years. She can apparently time and space travel all by her lonesome, and she loves humans and apparently favors spending time with them far more than her own species, who she is ignoring. She can fold to comfortably fit into spaces smaller than herself.

Therefore, Yashiro is indisputably a Time Lord. Or, Time Lady, Time Maiden. Whatever.

Taken in context, the most questionable claim Yashiro makes is that she is 680 years old. It is later shown that she is terrible at keeping track of the time, so much so that later, she views the difference in time between three thousand years or thirty thousand, as something trivial, that it doesn’t matter if she flubs up a bit. She’s just like that.

Yashiro is an extremely interesting character, who, very curiously, perceives herself as the least interesting thing in the entire world. She claims to have come to Earth for a rendezvous with her fellow aliens, but she never treats this task with any degree of urgency.

While she’s never specific about the details of this plan, my guess is that she, like Adachi and Shimamura, only decided she wanted a piece of their slice of life because she was playing hooky. At least that’s how I’d prefer to think of it. The idea has thematic resonance, so as far as I’m concerned, that’s canon. But the other thing is that, unlike Adachi, Shimamura, and basically every other human in this story, Yashiro has only one emotion.

She is happy all the time.

Yashiro is never bothered by anything, whatsoever. She always has what she wants, and she’s never bothered by not getting what she wants- if she doesn’t make her goal, she moves the goalpost. Yashiro does not seem to have any worldly concerns whatsoever; she eats all the time, not out of an apparent need to sate hunger, but rather for the simple pleasure of doing so.

She doesn’t face much opposition, either, she’s such a cute child that everyone just wants to pet and feed and pamper her, and Shimamura’s family takes no issue with her just chilling at their house for ten years. The only thing Yashiro is ever described as not liking is baths, and even then she’s never really angry about being made to take one. In her internal monologue, Shimamura consistently describes Yashiro as being like a cat.

And she really is, isn’t she? She eats and sleeps all day, she doesn’t like water, and she is happily accepted as a freeloader for years in the homes of human strangers. And that’s just normal, even though Yashiro… is… well, humanoid, at the very least.

But the bizarre factor of Yashiro’s character is increased exponentially when Iruma takes her out of Adachi and Shimamura, and plops her right into Girls’ Last Tour.

3.3 Yashiro's Last Tour

Girls’ Last Tour, if you aren’t aware, is an anime (AND MANGA) about Girls on their Last Tour. It’s a survival kirara where moe blobs have a picnic in a dying world full of remnants of a fallen civilization. It’s all moody and pensive and about small girls who do not seem particularly bothered by the inevitably of their death. One of them is into vore.

Relevant here is that one of these two moe blobs is named Chito. And, coincidentally, the protagonist of the Adachi and Shimamura Anime Special Novel, who is also touring a dying world full of remnants of a fallen civilization, is also named Chito.

Did Iruma do this on purpose? Probably not, but there’s an excuse to recommend Girls’ Last Tour without needing to make a video about it. Go watch it. Uh, probably go read it too. We haven’t read it, but it’s probably really good. Both forms. It’s great.

Anyway, Chito Number Two is also hanging around Yashiro on another planet, not Earth, which we’ve never seen before, that at some point was colonized by Chito’s ancestors, but then it turned out that the planet sucked at sustaining crops and so everyone fell ill and/or starved, and unfortunately died.

Which sucks.

So, Chito is just wandering this basically dead civilization, aware she could be the last human alive for all she knows, but not really caring much. Yashiro is here, accompanying Chito and chatting her up, because she finds it fun I guess. She doesn’t really seem to care very much about the whole humanity dead thing, but she’s very eager to tell Chito this one story she has about these two very nice girls who gave her a lot of snacks to eat some thousands of years prior.

Yashiro tells four separate stories to Chito, which are each set at different points in Adachi and Shimamura’s adult lives together. All the typical things, really. Going shopping, going on onsen dates, kissing- well, no, they don’t directly kiss, but Shimamura does reminisce about their first bloody kiss. And also, Shimamura dying.

Yes, Yashiro confirms, in canon, that Adachi and Shimamura died. But she’s not particularly bothered by it. She’s just as cheery as ever. It’s not like she’s happy about them being dead, but she’s not especially sad, either- no more troubled than she’d be if Shimamura refused to give her candy.

And common sense, common familiarity with tropes about immortal people, says this should be existentially terrifying, shouldn’t it. A living creature that is only ever happy, that never dies or grows old or grieves. This is the basic setup for some lovecraftian horror story or another, or several, isn’t it?

And it is, on a basic level, kind of unsettling to see Yashiro just… not being bothered by living thousands of years, by the people around her dying, and just remaining a child forever, but… It’s not really, is it? Look at her! She’s too cute to be scared of. She’s a human shaped cat! Isn’t it adorable?

Humans typically live longer than cats, I know. But if a cat lived longer than humans, do you think it would give a fuck?

One of the most interesting parts of Adachi and Shimamura is the middle part of volume 6, where, as I think I already said, it’s revealed that up till now, the love of little Hougetsu Shimamura’s life has been not a girl, not even a human, but the other Shimamura family pet.

The dog that lives at her grandparents’ house, Gon. Gon was Hougetsu’s best friend, Hougetsu’s only true friend, the only living creature she ever loved, and for a time, the only reason Hougetsu wanted to come back.

And it’s only just now that Shimamura is really realizing just how strange this is, though, she’s come to accept that she’s really rather strange, that she doesn’t particularly care. And now, she’s coming back for the yearly Obon visit to her grandparents’ house, to see Gon for what is probably the last time.

This dog, who was once young and spry, once quite literally bounced up and down at the sight of little Hougetsu, has now grown old and frail, barely able to walk. This dog, who Shimamura loves more than her own mother, is dying, and Shimamura finds this prospect… What’s the word? Disquieting, perhaps. Disquieting.

Shimamura is disquiet with thoughts of age, thoughts of love, thoughts of death. As she still finds herself puzzled over what Adachi’s feelings are, what Adachi wants out of her, knowing what Adachi wants but not really able to admit it to herself, wondering about her own life, about if she’ll have companions in her future, about if it’ll suck, and it’s just…

I don’t know. Shimamura thinks about a lot, and I don’t have words for a lot of it. The main thing I remember is her speaking to the odd old man who’s her grandparents’ next door neighbor, and it being firstly really funny because he just is walking around with a teacup that his granddaughter made and bragging about how great of a potter she is. Just because he can. Just because he’s a weird old guy, and people will let weird old people get away with these things, and he can.

And he gives Shimamura a fishing rod, as such, so he says, because he can.

Yeah, so just to repeat what I said, Shimamura runs into this weird old dude on a family trip, he says, “hey, my daughter’s real damn good at pottery and that’s why I’m toting her special teacup around, how about you go fishing with this fishing rod,” refuses to elaborate further, leaves. And that’s just great.

Well, he does elaborate a little further before he leaves, says she should enjoy her childhood while she can, and then gives her some fishing advice, I guess. And that’s all very nice of him.

And then Gon shows up, walking all slow like he does, and Shimamura asks the old man,

“Is it tough growing old?”

His answer wasn’t going to affect anything. Things were going to continue the same way as they always had. And yet, despite all of that, I just couldn’t help but ask.

Mumbling to himself, the man shook his head slightly. His turban shook as well.

“I see. So, your questions too have a hint of philosophy to them, huh? I guess that only makes sense, given your name and all.”

“What’s that even supposed to mean…”I hadn’t meant to grumble that out loud. No, it was simply my instinctual reaction to the situation; if I had to call anything here philosophical, it would be his needlessly obtuse answer.

“It’s not tough for me, no. Why? Well, I got this teacup from my granddaughter, that’s why. Haha. Does that answer your question?”

You could see the man’s eyes sparkle as he said that.

“Hmm, I guess.”

It really didn’t. Apparently, I’d picked the wrong person to ask.

[From Adachi and Shimamura, volume 6, "Home Town Dog"

Written by Hitoma Iruma

Translated and published unofficially by sneikkimies]

And that’s just sort of… mellow, and funny, and surprisingly sage. Well, maybe not that surprising. I don’t know. It’s just an entire moment. It’s also a little surprising, just a teensy little bit, because...

This is a kirara, isn’t it? This kind of story doesn’t usually go there. Like, according to Iruma, the editor’s prompt that resulted in Adashima was “write something like Yuru Yuri,” and Yuru Yuri is a stupid and silly nonsense comedy about immortal lesbians violently assaulting each other both physically and sexually, which is really funny, because they’re literally a bunch of gay Looney Tunes.

Or maybe that’s just the anime, I don’t know, I guess the manga might be different, but even still, the manga’s never aged these characters a single day as far as I can see. Really the only kirara I know of (other than Girls' Last Tour) that addresses the fact of the cute girls eventually dying is School-Live, but like, that’s an edgy one isn’t it? It’s literally set in a zombie apocalypse. It’s not exactly subtle.

You don’t really want to think about, say, the keions getting older and dying, do you? I mean, maybe you do, and if you do you’re probably a little weird, and that’s fine. So like, this is just kind of… I don’t want to say weird, because in the context of the story, it isn’t.

But I’m quite sure that people who’ve only seen the first season of the anime aren’t really expecting this, y’know? It’s certainly a place to have gone, and be going.

It’s so comical, so caustic, so casually morbid, to see the cast of Adachi and Shimamura reflect on their life, their future, their love and their relationships and their families and drifting apart from their friends and peers as the rivers of life all take them all the different places they’re going to, towards their eventual deaths, and all these very difficult human things to be thinking about, and Yashiro just… is happily prancing around eating donuts.

But it’s also not… that weird, really. Although Yashiro is so transfixingly childlike as she is, she’s also so pure and straightforward and earnest as any sentient creature can plausibly get. Although she doesn’t share in the complicated feelings of the humans around her, she’s never unsympathetic to their emotions, and to their needs. She’s always happy and childish, but she never forces that on people- she just accepts people as they are, and she does her best to do right by people.

Which is unsettling, not because it’s undesirable, exactly, but rather because it’s impossible. But if it were possible, and, hey, maybe it is possible for Yashiro, a non-human, to be emotionally stable and pleasant and good, but it’s not possible for us humans all the time to be that way, just the same as it’s not possible to live immortal and ageless as Yashiro does…

…

I guess the conclusion that I just came to is that Yashiro IS the part that’s like Yuru Yuri! Yashiro is the immortal gay looney toon! But given new meaning by being placed in a world of actual people dealing with gross human problems like jealousy and unfulfilled desires for affection and burgeoning sexuality and age and work and family and death!

And Yashiro is, Yashiro is just great! Um. She’s a great child, and a great cat. Like, probably the best cat! Okay, and now I have to explain why she’s the best cat.

Final Part: The Lesbians of All Time

So, the last story. In the second chapter of the Anime Special Novel, Chito and Yashiro run into another girl- a girl named Shima, described as having black hair and feeling like Chito already knows her, and then you turn the page and THERE’S THE ADACHI CHIBI THERE IT IS THERE’S ADACHI

and they keep exploring the desolate deserted planet and then in the fourth and final chapter, Shimamura dies.

The story that Yashiro has to tell. Is about Shimamura. And told to us from the point of view of Hougetsu Shimamura, age 85 ish, who describes her relationship dynamic with Yashiro as having gone from little sister to daughter to grandchild on account of Yashiro still not having aged a single day after all these years.

And up till this point, knowing that Shimamura was already dead in the future, I’d been thinking, oh gosh, oh fuck, it’s gonna absolutely SUCK if Shimamura dies first and then Adachi is all alone and miserably depressed for the rest of her life- and thankfully that doesn’t happen.

No, it’s Shimamura who is all alone, and literally everyone else who is dead. Adachi, Hino, Nagafuji, Tarumi, Shimamura’s little sister, everyone she knew is dead now. And Shimamura, now, too, is also dying, of old age.

Shimamura thinks she might be seeing Adachi’s ghost, because she’s evidently gone and introjected Adachi after Adachi’s death, but she’s also not quite sure about that whatsoever, and she’s just tired and lonely and reflecting on all her life up to this point and how fondly she remembers her high school years with Adachi and her only other thought is

Damn. All my friends are dead, and being old is boring.

To relieve her boredom, Shimamura takes her sister’s games console, which, no longer works with modern TVs, because it’s the future, so she goes out to an electronics store and gets an adapter. Also, because it’s the future, there’s been alien visitations and humanity is looking into space traveling more. But Shimamura’s been born too soon to care.

So she goes back to her home, boots up a JRPG on her sister’s old games console and makes a party of characters which she names after Adachi, Hino, Nagafuji, Tarumi, and her sister, and then finds out that video games are good. So Shimamura decides that her life’s goal, for the rest of her life, is going to be to finish Dragon Quest.

Does she finish it? Who knows. No idea. The story ends.

But before Shimamura dies, she asks Yashiro, her immortal alien child house cat, if she will ever see Adachi again.

Yashiro says yes. She will. For it is destiny.

And Shimamura’s dying request of Yashiro, is for Yashiro to make absolutely sure that every Shimamura across the universe finds their Adachi.

Yashiro promises earnestly.

And thus, here, in the present of the future of the end of humanity in a dying civilization Yashiro looks at the two last known living humans on this planet, says, “My job here is done!” And then shortly thereafter fucks off, assured in the knowledge that she’s fulfilled her promise to Shimamura:

Play matchmaker for her most recent reincarnation and her destined wifey.

So, yeah, that’s what happens. It might be just about a wrap on humanity, or at least this particular humanity, but The Lesbians of All Time are still gay.

There’s several Things About this particular chapter.

One, it’s, unintentionally, a particularly stark distillation of the classical American millennial slash zoomer fantasy of having the economic security to retire at an appropriate age and spend your last years in dignity, after a good life of living well with a good partner who you were happy with (or, multiple or no partners, if that’s your preference), and then dying peacefully of old age playing video games.

Yeah, uh, oof.

Two, it’s a particularly stark distillation of the perhaps not as common but particularly appealing fantasy of being assured that you and your partner will reincarnate and get together again, by your cat, who promises to make extra sure that that comes to pass all throughout every time and place and timeline. Because your cat likes you, and is a Time Lord!

Yashiro is good!

And three, um, yeah, it’d be really nice to know that you’re going to reincarnate with your soul mate. Like, that’s just convenient. For some people. I’m sure.

Okay, so, anyway, do I have anything to say about this story? Yeah, I probably do, probably a lot. But I don’t know if I can coherently say very much of it without repeating a lot of what I already said. It’s melancholy as all hell and it’s also just not something I expected at all from this series when we started reading it. Iruma even reflects on that fact directly in their afterward, saying,

“Anyway, yeah. That's the sort of story this became.

Death approaches!”

Heh. I guess it does. I guess it does.

There’s a lot else I feel I have to comment on. If I had infinite time, I’d also add on analyses and comparisons of the two Adachi and Shimamura manga adaptations. I’d read volumes 9 and 10 before finishing this video, and talk about my feelings on however Tarumi’s arc gets resolved- if it gets resolved. I barely even began to discuss or analyze Hino and Nagafuji’s relationship and their additional flavoring of the story as a side couple. And did my tangent on Adachi’s jealousy really go anywhere, did I have an answer? Well, no, but the volumes that I read up to didn’t really have an answer, either. Do I want to try to pretentiously psychoanalyze Iruma and his writing more based on the incomplete information I have from these English translations?

There’s another series, also, Iruma’s apparent debut series, where a girl and a boy who fall in love have childhood trauma about being kidnapped a long time ago and are being retraumatized by a serial killing incident in a small town and that has some HELLA TAGS on the site’s it’s listed at- does this psychological horror crime fiction have some connection to Adachi sometimes thinking a teensy bit like a serial killer? Is the electric child in Ground Control to Psychoelectric Girl, another thing I haven’t watched nor read, a proto-Yashiro? Is Yashiro really a corollary to Shinobu? Did the Saeki Sayaka novels contain secret Adashima foreshadowing? Did Iruma say something super interesting in an interview somewhere that someone translated on Twitter maybe? Can I get answers to any of these questions without knowing how to speak Japanese?

Are we just going to have to learn Japanese and read all the rest of the things Iruma has written ourselves?!

And this has now just about broken ten thousand words, and I cannot answer any of those questions just yet. So, much like Iruma and Adashima volume 8, I’m going to arbitrarily force an ending to my unfinished work despite these loose ends and hope it’s good enough in case we never get around to writing a sequel.

In lieu of a better wrap-up, I guess I can just say, and as such,

ANIME GIRLS CAN DIE TOO.

The end.

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54 notes · View notes

andordean · 5 months

Note

To be honest, I've always felt like an outsider in your entire company. Everyone is discussing their favorite ships, like Voorhis/Ciri, Cerys/Ciri, Cahir/Ciri and so on, and against their background, my Roche/Ciri are like an empty place (which are noticed only by haters from twitter and reddit)... not to mention that many people my ship is disgusting. I can't force people to like Roche/Ciri, but my screenshots don't work either, nothing works... because people can't write fanfictions about something they're not interested in. The other ships have a level that Roche/Ciri will never be able to reach.

It's just a pity that the result of my creativity and efforts were haters and disgust of the whole fandom. I would like people not to forget the good things I did.

I understand that - but notice how from those ships, only Cahir/Ciri is my ship. And there's more hate in the fandom for it than for your ship, because people hate it in the books already.

The other ships you mention I don't consider mine - but I find them interesting so I support my friends who create content for them. Through that I was lucky to build a community that in turn supports me. I have been working on building that community since 2016.

The list of people I have blocked for hating Cahir/Ciri is very, very, very long. But I've never interacted with them. I won't convince them to see the ship as anything but abusive (I got anon ask calling it abusive only a few days ago) and their hate for it will only poison my creativity. So we ignore one another, mostly. Unfortunately what you did is you went after the haters, harassed bystanders, and alienated the fandom against you.

I'm sorry that your screenshots (they are of great quality) didn't inspire anyone to pick up the ship and create fics for them. My own creativity is nonexistent, even for my ships, so I'm sorry I personally cannot help you.

The only way forward for you is to either take a true break until the situation stops hurting you, or keep creating. But now, unfortunately, you would need to earn people's trust again. You sadly burnt a lot of bridges in the fandom. I truly hope you'll get to a happier place soon.

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borisbubbles · 1 year

Text

Eurovision 2022: #25 - #21

25. ARMENIA

Rosa Linn - “Snap”

20th place

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Overall placement: 50/79

[Above The Black Mamba, below James Newman]

Ugh, Fine.

Time to finish this ranking turbo style! So yeah, I’m not impressed with The Biggest Eurovision Hit, which I suppose is a controversial opinion? Then again, if Rosa was so good, then why did she only make it 20th place, hmmm? 🤔🤔

When Rosa’s song leaked it sounded exactly like the type of song you’d expect DMGP to commit murder for: a frivolous, cheery pop welterweight (which somehow has the same cadence as I’m Alive by Elhaida Dani) thats easy to listen to and doesn’t get in the way of stanning better things.

At Eurovision, this was Rosa’s exact journey. She was a cute presence that was vaguely liked, and her staging supported this. (despite the staging mishaps, still pretty neat!) Don’t know what all the references in the lyrics are about, but we can pretend it added some depth and meaning, Into 20th place she went, which was a fair result for what her lovable random self brought to the table.

Then, she went viral on TikTok, which honestly is more of an “eww” than a “good on her” i m o. Okay, look, it defo does not surprise me that out of the entire 2022 catalogue this song became the viral one. TikTok viralness is a horrible metric for musical quality though. “Snap” works as a TikTok song specifcally because it doesn’t syphon attention away from whatever brainfart nonsense TikTokkers force on their feeds for a living. If you want a backing track to your “Make mac ‘n’ cheese by dumping the ingredients on a marble countertop” silliness or your indie song-singing 101 Tutorial, might as well pick something like a Snap as the accompanying backing track.

Also, I always felt the record label behind Rosa Linn was a bit too eager to get A Big Kicker on their conto. Remember when Rosa -likely on urging from her mentor Tamar Karpelian- attempted to start a respectful discussion on Twitter (oh dear) about how wonderful NFTs were (oh dear) because they helped establish a base income for fledgling artists,like herself (oh dearrrr) without having to rely on her songs getting streams? (oh dearrrrrrrrr)Twitter gave their usual gaslighting-disguised-as-concern response which in turn forced Rosa issue a semi-confused, half-arsed apology for attempting to profit from her work. Okay that was kinda funny, but by Monika Liu’s grown-out bob, Zoomer drama is the nuttiest drama, I swear.

Anyway, the aforementioned NFT shizzle, the association with Tamar’s Slytherin Evil, the TikTok viralness and the radio people’s sudden insistence that “Snap” was A Hidden Underrated Gem despite it being an inconspicuous 20th placer at Eurivision THAT NOBODY CARED ABOUT, and also the fact that Snap has five different versions (HER?!) all kinda hints at a certain ambition that just... taints it a bit for me. It just feels like Snap’s popularity didn’t develop itself naturally and but came about due to largely commercial and monetary reasons, after which the sheeple convinced themselves retroactively that it was secretly great and very underrated, since you know, influencers would never twist the truth to us for their own profit.

Overall the song’s fine in a vaccuum. Underneath its base sheer lie values that my crusty millennial monroe ass doesn’t share. FARE THEE WELL, MISS LINN, YOU GO BYE NOW!!!

-----------------------

24. CROATIA

Mia Dimsic - “Guilty pleasure”

26th place

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Decade placement: 47/79

[above The Roop, below Tusse]

Oh look, another vaguely pleasant, mildly likabable, and ultimately not very exciting middle-of-the-road pop melody. The cynic in you might think I’m ranking Mia ahead of Rosa because Mia didn’t go viral, and like always the cynic in you is correct! Hooray! 😁 Yeah sorry, in the ongoing battle of overrated vs underrated, it’s the correctly rated that always win :-)

Still, like Rosa, Mia had the potential to be green on my ranking if she had cultivated a status as a fun random. TSwift IS a guilty pleasure of mine (except for her Midnights Era self which is unironically great) and while “Willow” is a part of the least exciting wing in Taylor’s musical library (ie: the part that isn’t crazed out through copium and/or severe neurosis), this bootlegged version was just cute enough to charm me.

Now of course, if your song is all about maintaining a certain level of delicate joie-de-vivre, it’s really important to not overdo the act and let the singer’s personal charisma carry it. Cue to the staging which looked like this:

What.

The.

Everlovin’.

Fuck?

There’s good staging and there is whatever the flyin’ fuck that was. Goodbye cutesie lounge vibe, goodbye charming performer, you’re completely overtaken by this overly choreographed, overtly dramatic and abrasive act that your song didn’t need. ONE dancer, NO acrobatics, how difficult is that to grasp, HRT? I’d be tempted to say the act was a cursed decision, but then realize Croatia’s frantic dance gremlins were probably the tipping point that allowed ~Systur~ into the finals, and any Eurovision final graced by those three earth angels has to count as a blessing. So thank you Mia for blessing us. ^_^

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23. GERMANY

Malik Harris - “Rockstars”

25th place

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Decade ranking: 45/79

[Above Tusse, below Undisclosed]

It is very common knowledge that nobody likes Rockstars, and fine, I don’t! As insipid as “Rockstars” was though, I don’t think it was completely without redeeming qualities.Malik had a baseline charm and really went for it, I guess.

The German Selection, which had adopted the very... um... optimistic name “Germany, 12 points” for the occasion, (optimistic even if we believe the conspiracy theory the “12 points” alluded to the total numerical amount ARD were aiming for in Turin <3) was one of the worst in a horrible NF season. I was fucking relieved it produced a winner I could (sadly no more than) vaguely enjoy. Not everyone has the panache of getting distracted by their own soap bubble bonanza.

Also, the SPOKEN WORD RAP BREAK was exactly what my brain and soul -both high on copium after the Alina Pash withdrawal- needed at the time. It didn’t blow me away or anything, but it at least gave me something tangible to cling onto besides “well this is nice, i guess”.

For the rest though, ::tumbleweeds::. I think people might have been a bit too bandwagon-y in their Malik Mockery cus like, yeah he’s clearly getting last, don’t make it worse? But then again... he brought very little to the table. Besides the spoken word it’s like... cursive singing (petition to rename this to “Cursed Singing”) and instruments displayed on moth-eaten rugs to get points, you know? It’s like Germany were deliberately telegraphing us to NOT vote for them, again. But that’s less on Malik and more on ARD’s incompetence, which is a discussion for another time.

-----------------------------------------------

22. NORTH MACEDONIA

Andrea - “Circles”

27th place

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Decade ranking: 44/79

[Above Malik, below Hurricane]

WE FINALLY MADE IT TO GREEN!!! Sadly we’re still in the No Man’s Land of VagueOpinionstan. 😣

There is *something* about Andrea and “Circles” that resonates well with me? Is it the perfectly mimed frustration with a poorly communicating love interest? Is it the palpable resignation on her face as she helplessly bleats “u don’t wanna test my limits -_-”.

Maybe! What I do know is that I stan the critical amount of pure Sadsack Energy Andrea exhudes from every pore. 😍😍 I think she’s a contender for the most morose, Eeyore-ish person to ever set a foot on a Eurovision stage? Reminder that this person won a selection <33333 Andrea posseses a sort of theoretical anti-charisma that should render her unvoteable, and yet in practice just has me cling to every word crossing her lips. ALL SHE WANTS IS A HEALTHY CONVERSATION SO SHE CAN GET IT RIGHT AND FIX THE SITUATION, YOU GHOULS!!!

(and yes, the other Bubble favourite of floordrop sorcery making an appearance <3)

But then on top of that, Andrea also became A Highly Controversial Pick for NoMac!!!! Strangely not because she was an out-and-proud lesbian (although, an out-and-proud lesbian representing a toxic homophobe country from the Balkans <3333333) but because..... she dropped a wee plastic flag during the turquoise carpet.

The toxic nationalists took it as HER DELIBERATELY TRAMPLING OUR MACEDONIAN PRIDE AFTER YEARS OF GREEK BULLYING. MRT even issued an official statement that they were CONSIDERING A WITHDRAWAL (with zero intention to actually quit of course) to appease the smooth-brained cunts until the quiet and expected NQ arrived. <3333333333

(knowing her misery was finally over, Andrea cracked a smile for the first time in her life <3)

This only enhanced Andrea’s Charlie Brown”-esque journey even more!! Just when Andrea looked like the token hapless last placer nobody loved, the results came in, and showed she *almost* made the final. 😍😍😍😍😍😍. If there’s one thing that horrible second semifinal should have done right and didn’t, is causing a NoMac qualification by means of fixed jury voting algorithms. Simply imagine the meltdowns over Andrea slaying Andromache AND Nadir. 😍 If only the EBU had the balls to NQ Azer on the spot, huh? Oh well, there’s always 2023 for that. 😈

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21. UKRAINE

Kalush Orchestra - “Stefania”

1st place

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Decade ranking: 41/79

[Above Fyr og Flamme, below Eden Alene]

ugh i forgot he yelled Mariupol and Azofstal at the end of that and wasn’t DQ’d on the spot! Instantly regretting I didn’t rank Ukraine even LOWER. 😫😫😫 (no, don’t think about how much better Stefania would be without him, don’t do it Bobo, consider your mental health -- inner monologue while writing the rest of this post.)

So yeah, after all this inconspicuous also-ran filler (i’m definitely including Snap in that group), I’m eliminating the winner, the biggest televote winner Eurovision have ever had. “Have you no respect, Boris?”, you might ask and well... would I be me, if I had any, lol? I came into the 2022 season with hot takes and mental fortitude and thanks to Shitvidi I’m all out of fortitude, so~

Cynicism and self-awareness aside, let’s get the big elephant out of the room: The war had virtually no impact on my ranking here. I despise politics at Eurovision, (mostly because politics always affect it, but Eurovision NEVER affects the politics back), so there are two options here: Either downvote Ukraine for bringing politics into the contest, or make an exception and turn a blind eye. I chose option two. Nobody can begrudge Ukraine for attempting to pretend that the worst armed conflict to have hit them since WW2 hadn’t broken them, so I won’t. No points added or deducted. .

I do have good reasons to not rank Stefania higher though. I think you already know where this is headed - Sorry (for YOU) if you’re a fan of his, but Oleh suuuuuucks. It started at Vidbir when he led a small mob against that poor envelope lady and it was all sorts of messed up? Entitlement and bullying tinged with toxic nationalism, there ain’t no better first impression to make, am i right?

And very unfortunately my distaste towards Oleh also extends to his on-stage presence which I find really fucking obnoxious. The concept of a “Charismatic Black Hole” was one I didn’t fully understand until I first saw Oleh Psiuk set a foot on stage. Does anyone TRULY like his presence here? All his verses do is distract from the chorus and instrumental, which is awful because those bits fucking slap! Airlift him and his ugly-ass hat the fuck outta here.

Okay, so the winning song is actually... pretty good. It is NOT great though. Stefania is a weaker, safer and more cis-het version of “Shum”, which is suboptimal. Counterpoint is that “Shum” was Peak Ukraine (Which is also Peak Eurovision), and remains one of the best entries ever, so a lesser replication of that is still enjoyable overall. It made Ihor Didenchuk (who is also in Go_A) a Eurovision laureate! It kinda sucks the fandom didn’t come through at a time when Ukraine had, you know, an actually charismatic lead, but I suppose the power of love Damiano-induced boners does conquer all.

On the flip side, Ihor’s and Tymofii’s contributions are so good that they almost fully balance Oleh’s deteriorative and hammy rapping. Tymofii carries Stefania with his spot-on chanting and preposterous flute playback shenanigans.

Ihor meanwhile just has a good time on the stage, disguised as one of the two Cousin It-like entities <3 Add in some tasteful staging and hell, even the fact that this song is in essence an ode to someone’s (You Know Who’s) actual mom, (and not the forced, cringe, jingoistic metaphor it later became) and you have an entry that definitely makes sense as a jury fourth placer and top fiver overall.

Now obviously, I would have preferred for Ukraine to not win because they were not the best option (not by a mile!), and ofc also because I hate their lead, but I’m not fully broken up that they beat my faves. Sometimes there are powers at work beyond our control and that’s fine. Not everything in life must be catered to our tastes. Ukraine are the best Eurovision country, and it doesn’t matter how or when they catch up to (and pass) Ireland and Sweden, as long as it happens during my lifespan. 🤷‍♀️

Still think Pinkbucket’s a thuggish little punk though. Prayer circle that the next time Ukraine win, it’s with someone actually worth stanning. 🙂

CONGRATULATIONS TOP 20!!!

ALBANIA - AUSTRIA - CZECH REP - ESTONIA - FRANCE -

GEORGIA - ICELAND - IRELAND - LITHUANIA - MALTA -

MOLDOVA - THE NETHERLANDS - PORTUGAL - ROMANIA - SAN MARINO -

SERBIA - SLOVENIA - SPAIN - SWEDEN - UK

THE RANKING

21. UKRAINE - Kalush Orchestra -��“Stefania”

22. NORTH MACEDONIA - Andrea - “Circles”

23. GERMANY - Malik Harris - “Rockstars”

24. CROATIA - Mia Dimšić - “Guilty pleasure”

25. ARMENIA - Rosa Linn - “Snap”

26. CYPRUS - Andromache - “Ela”

27. LATVIA - Citi Zeni - “Eat your salad”

28. DENMARK - ReDDI - “The show”

29. BULGARIA - Intelligent Music Project - “Intention”

30. GREECE - Amanda Tenjford - “Die together”

31. POLAND - Ochman - “River”

32. MONTENEGRO - Vladana - “Breathe”

33. FINLAND - The Rasmus - "Jezebel"

34. BELGIUM - Jérémie Makiese - “Miss you”

35. NORWAY - Subwoolfer - “Give that wolf a banana”

36. AUSTRALIA - Sheldon Riley - “Not the same”

37. SWITZERLAND - Marius Bear - “Boys do cry”

38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black”

39. ITALY - Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi”

40. ISRAEL - Michael Ben David - “I.M”

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faisdm · 1 year

Text

The one downside to Tumblr, compared to say, Twitter, is that Tumblr just doesn’t care about your original works. It is painfully difficult to get people on Tumblr to give even a single shit about an original comic, story or game. It’s not a new thing, of course, it’s been like that for over a decade... but it’s always disappointing, and if you’re new here and thinking “maybe someday if I get really good and get published, or get really popular in a fandom, they’ll care!” No... sorry, they won’t, and you need to know that, or you’ll keep trying to please them and slowly get worn down by it as nothing you do seems to get you anywhere, even if you’re giving them everything they loudly proclaim they want.

It’s bizarre; people on Tumblr would rather invent an entire non-existent movie by rich cishet people and pretend it has gay subtext- subtext! Not even text!- than read original queer works by queer creators and discuss and celebrate them! Like, FFS, Tumblr, LOVE YOURSELVES. The best you can imagine for yourselves is hypothetically being queerbaited!?

And don’t get me wrong, I love the shared creativity of all the posters and things and the in-joke of the made up gangster movie, but coming back to Tumblr after a while on Twitter, hoping for a “better place” I’m inevitably reminded of why I always end up drifting off it. I want people to read my work; I put a lot of effort into it, and spending time on a platform that aggressively doesn’t give a shit while proclaiming “boy, I wish there were more things like [describes exactly my work]... but there aren’t, so we’ll just have to pretend the characters from this straight series by straight people might have maybe not been straight!” is just....EUGH. It’s tiresome! People on twitter will take a chance on it! People on Tiktok will give it a go, and even Facebook! It has thousands of subscribers, it’s on a Tapas program, it ran a pretty successful Kickstarter, and I’ve been published multiple times, so it’s clearly not a bad comic... and it has everything Tumblr claims to like in it! Sword lesbians, political metaphors, meme jokes, autistic and nonbinary representation, positive bisexual rep... AND it’s made by a long-time Tumblr person from the fucking Homestuck fandom! (over ten years as admin and VA on one of the biggest Homestuck projects that exists, an artist on not just fan albums, but two of the official albums!) What more can I give you to convince you this comic is for you, Tumblr!? I made it for you!

The problem with Tumblr is that everyone talks like they’re super open-minded and totally interested in supporting marginalised people... but they’re really not? They’re actually interested in curating an image, and if “supporting marginalised people” is part of that image, somebody will reblog content about the concept of supporting marginalised people. But you’re marginalised in publishing and hoping Tumblr will actually support your work focused on themes and groups underrepresented in media? Tumblr won’t help you, because people on Tumblr people only care about a thing if you can make it fit within the narrow band of “on brand” things that they’re already into. So you actually have to have a massive fandom already before Tumblr will feel like your fandom’s content has an audience and so is safe to share as part of the brand you’ve curated.

...and sadly, that’s why for original creators, Tumblr can never replace Twitter, even though Twitter is the worst; because we need to find people who will actually try new things, and Tumblr people don’t. They’ll just sit there, reblogging the same stuff about “what if these two canonically straight white men in suits cuddled a little bit?” And then make the tired excuse that “Well, I HAVE to do this because nobody provides the real queer content I would totally consume if it was real!” and waving that very real queer content in their faces will just result in them pretending not to see it.

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punk-pins · 1 year

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had a really bizarre experience today. cw political conspiracy theories and the racism/antisemitism/islamophobia that entails + homophobia/transphobia. long post, kind of rambling, it’s almost 3am, might delete later.

long story short I was in a situation where I was in a gathering of 4 adult (40s-60s), white, moderately wealthy trump republicans. one of which was my father, a woman who is an acquaintance of my father, and the other two were a couple. my father is a trump republican from the economically conservative side– he’s not on twitter, he like watching the stock market ticker on fox news, he likes the idea of trump as a political outsider. (our relationship is strained for it, and we avoid discussing it.) the woman was a trump republican from the side of so-called culture war– she expresses her views online, she thinks the american youth are devolved from her generation, her husband is a retired police officer so she has a lot of opinions about racism in america.

so obviously this group got to talking politics. this was not a conversation I wanted to participate in, but they were adamant they wanted my participation in it, and I wasn’t in a place where I could leave or refuse without causing larger issues. I was calm, I was safe enough to disclose my views come from being a lesbian, and in general I tried to respond as neutrally as possible.

the woman in particular told me directly, multiple times, how I only hold my opinions because I’ve been indoctrinated. she said “indoctrinated” so many times, it was just absolutely bizarre to say that to someone’s face. she repeatedly interjected that she wanted me to feel safe to share my opinions with her, that she didn’t want me to feel ganged up on, while insisting I wasn’t at fault for anything I said because I was indoctrinated.

in this conversation, I was asked if I believed in the “lgbtqia,” because “there are gay people who don’t believe in it, you don’t have to join,” as if it’s an organization. someone offhandedly mentioned “the transsexual issue.” they discussed a conspiracy theory that obama could have destroyed all racism in america in 2008, but instead allowed an islamic brotherhood to come into the white house take over all foreign policy. that obama still controls the current biden administration as a puppet master. they held a firm belief that the younger generation dislikes capitalism from pure laziness and entitlement.

when I said a lot of younger people don’t see themselves settling into economically conservative views with age because they don’t see the opportunities to gain wealth afforded to previous generations, the couple proudly told me about how they earned everything they had by working through college and getting good jobs. in the same breath, they also told me their daughter (my age) had never worked a day because of her indoctrination, and will be graduating college with what’s basically a mortgage in debt. I said exactly, you were able to pay your way through college and enter the workforce, but that’s impossible for your daughter to do because of increased cost + stagnating wages, plus her degree is now a requirement for entry level corporate work, not a bonus, so she will have a harder time accumulating wealth. they laughed it off because they’re convinced the situation is a moral failing on their daughter’s part, and doesn’t reflect on american economics or their parenting at all.

when it came to gay indoctrination in schools, I said well a hundred years ago left handed students were beaten for not using their right hand, and so all students were right handed. a decrease in anti-gay violence allows more students to express and experiment with how they want to be. it’s not that there’s an explosion of gay people since you were in school, they just weren’t safe to come out before. that bit sort of got through a little, but they were insistent that are “new identities” being pushed onto kids, and how could anyone ever want to be anything but straight? I would’ve lost my shit if we really got into it on these ones, but thankfully the topics shifted.

it was just one bizarre “why would you ever say this to another person in real life?” moment after the next. like are you willfully stupid or do you actually think your generation solved all problems in the world when you decided to settle down, and now everything else is extraneous nonsense made to make you look bad? do you really think your sheltered opinions matter on intercommunity issues? do you not understand how insane and rude and entitled you sound? I never expected or desired to change any of these people’s minds on anything, I was just trying to get through the interaction walking the tightrope of asserting myself so I wouldn’t hate myself after and not devolving into argument that would be counterproductive to the bigger situation going on.

the interesting thing is though, my dad didn’t say a word throughout the entire discussion. I know he agreed with them on a lot of points, but he never spoke against them, or to defend me from pointed comments made towards me. and after, when he was apologizing that it got political, he said he didn’t say anything because he was hoping they would stop. he didn’t try to change the topic, he didn’t speak up for me, he just let it happen, and apologized that it “wasn’t a safe space” for me after. and I think that’s really telling about trump republicans in general. his disapproval was entirely silent because he was not willing to speak against the others on any particular point, even the insane shit, even when it was hurting someone he loved directly in front of him, because that would destroy his credibility in the eyes of the other trump republicans. it really is a fascist fucking movement.

#it was uncomfortable and humiliating and flat out bizarre !

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sisterkosho · 8 months

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Anon who asked about how you’d implement Illuso in ASBR here. Thank you very much for your detailed response and sharing your thoughts! I love your ideas for him, especially the thought of Illuso scattering mirrors through shards on the ground to transform the terrain into something more advantageous. Having the mirror world lock off an opponent’s stand/special button (ooh and assist because he’d pick them off one by one) for the duration of their time in the mirror is also very natural in representing Illuso’s ability, and is unique to the character. Truthfully Illuso has never been my favorite member of La Squadra, though I love his fight, but you’ve really opened my eyes to how cool he could really be in ASBR. Sadly I don’t have a Twitter to view your more detailed moveset with direct references, but know that I wholeheartedly support you! Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to me, for sharing your passion, and I’m rooting for you to get more Illuso in ASBR and beyond with future JJBA works. 🪞✨

Thank you so much! 🥹💜 I’m so glad that you like my ideas! This is obviously something that I’m extremely passionate about given how much Illuso means to me, and I’ve been doing my best to get people onboard with the idea of getting him into ASBR. So it’s really nice to hear that I’ve been doing a good job at convincing even those who don’t like him all that much.

I feel as though a lot of people tend to overlook the more minor characters when it comes to discussing potential DLC, and it’s a shame because there’s so much potential for unique and interesting gameplay. I’ve seen far too many people say that they can’t understand why anyone would even want Illuso in the first place, or that it’s impossible for him to be added due to his lack of screentime and popularity, which kinda makes me sad tbh. But I’d like to think that there’s at least a little bit of hope if I can get enough people talking about him and increase the demand for him to be added. I mean hey, if the Abbacchio fans can do it…

But yeah, I’m just really glad that I’ve been doing a good job of getting people’s attention, and that there are a good amount who agree with me about this topic. Especially since there are some people (specifically in the ASBR discord) who seem to think I’m crazy for pushing this hard for Illuso. It really sucks that he never gets a chance to shine just because he isn’t popular enough, so even if it isn’t very likely, I’m going to hold out hope that he’ll get his moment before the devs decide to stop making DLC.

As for any future posts regarding my little campaign, I’ll be sure and put them here as well for those who don’t have Twitter! Possibly Reddit as well, but I’ve got a feeling the people over there might be getting sick of my shenanigans at this point—

#illuso #la squadra di esecuzione #jojo’s bizarre adventure #vento aureo #golden wind #all star battle r #jjba #va #gw #asbr #thank you so much for these asks anon #just knowing that there are other people that care about this really means a lot to me #the devs should really hit me up tbh #I’m cooking

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findingjoynweirdstuff · 3 years

Text

Dream SMP Recap (August 11/2020) - Maybe this is why you shouldn’t do musicals

Tommy performs a solo of Hamilton while held at gunpoint and wins over Dream with the power of music before war breaks out over a horse corpse after a rendition of “Blitz” by Technoblade leads to murder.

Meanwhile, Fundy hatches an evil plot and steals the throne of the Dream SMP kingdom with Jack Manifold’s help before getting into trouble over a kidnapped bee. Tubbo becomes a lawyer, be careful.

L’Lawyerberg is founded...L’awyerberg?

The server also gained a new member: Quackity!

A large portion of the day’s events take place in Shakespearean English.

Enjoy.

---

VOD LINKS:

Ponk

Fundy (August 11 is the correct date)

Tubbo

Tommy

Tommy (Quackity segment)

Skeppy

Thunder1408

Eret

---

- Fundy starts off in his underground base.

Fundy: Me is at thyn’t base

Tubbo: L’manburg?

Fundy: Otherly speaking, that which is owned by myself

- Fundy meets Tubbo on the Prime Path. He puts back on his L’manburg outfit, and Tubbo declares him no longer a rebellious teen

- They go over to Tommy’s home, which has been turned into Hell, and Tubbo builds Dream. Fundy shrinks Dream significantly. They then proceed to the L’manburgian docks before heading back.

Tubbo: “Where is Jack Manifold?”

Fundy: “Where isn’t Jack Manifold?”

Tubbo: “That’s the question on everyone’s mind.”

Fundy: “Who is Jack Manifold?”

Tubbo: “No, everyone knows who Jack Manifold is, just where is what we really want to know.”

Fundy: “...Why is Jack Manifold?”

- Fundy carves Herobrine into Skeppy’s leaf roof before making it a creeper

- Fundy tells Tubbo about his evil plan. He’s been researching law, and has come up with a plan to use a law from the Netherlands to gain legal ownership of any property they want. They decide to steal the throne.

Enter Dream.

Fundy: How go’st thy?

- At the castle throne room, Tommy joins the call to briefly shout at Tubbo that Shroud is coming back on Twitch before leaving.

- Fundy turns around and finds himself face to face with Dream, who is standing there menacingly.

- Fundy kills Tubbo and Dream kills Fundy

Enter TommyInnit.

- After returning to the castle, Tubbo and Fundy have the idea to put on a Shakespearean play. Dream is there with his pet dog. Tubbo assigns Dream the role of Macbeth, since he kills a lot of people.

Enter Skeppy.

- Dream kills Charles. He’s getting into character. Fundy congratulates him on his successful audition.

- Tommy joins the call to ask why his base has been turned into the Nether. Fundy and Tubbo tell him that they’re doing a show.They quickly build a theater stage near the Community House.

- Skeppy joins the call and they fill him in on the plan too.

Enter Thunder1408.

- Jack Manifold has transformed into Dream. He turns back into himself and arrives at the Community House.

- They begin the performance of Macbeth. Tommy ends up lip-reading for Tubbo and Fundy by speaking behind them while they nod their heads.

- Dream and Skeppy ride away in a boat together, leaving them with no audience. Tommy frantically performs for Fundy before swapping to his own part, then back to Fundy again.

(The only person in the audience now is Tubbo)

Tommy: (at rapid speed) “As whence the sun 'gins his reflection, shipwrecking storms and direful thunders break, so from that spring whence comfort seem'd to come, discomfort swells. Mark, king of Scotland, mark: No sooner justice had with valour arm'd, compell'd these skipping kerns to trust their heels, But the Norweyan lord surveying vantage, with furbish'd arms and new supplies of men began a fresh assault.”

- Dream, Jack and Skeppy return to watch. Dream pays Tommy a diamond. Tommy continues performing Macbeth solo.

- Dream is enjoying the performance so much he starts having a heart attack

- Tommy points out they would get much more money if they did Hamilton instead.

- Tommy performs a full solo of “Alexander Hamilton” from the hit show Hamilton. Dream shoots Tubbo to death off the stage. Tommy continues the performance, unfazed.

Thunder1408 from up yonder, hath fell to their death.

Skeppy from up yonder, hath fell to their death.

(Tommy keeps rapping)

- Tommy and Tubbo sing while getting attacked by zombies. As they finish the song, Dream throws them several diamonds.

- Tommy tells Tubbo and Fundy that they’ve just started the showbiz business! Skeppy comes over and asks if he can invest. They decide to name it “Pathway.”

Tubbo: “We’re being told to do Heathers. What’s ‘Heathers?’”

- Dream comes over to meet them at Tommy’s Nether house. He offers to fix Tommy’s base for five diamonds. Tommy pays him and he gets to work.

Tommy: “Dream seems to be my friend now. Have I convinced him with the power of song?”

Tubbo: “Well I mean, not until you try to get your discs back.”

- Jack comes over and Tubbo murders him for being against the showbiz business.

- They discuss the future of the showbiz business as an asset to L’manburg. They start thinking of other musicals to do. Tommy only knows Little Shop of Horrors.

- Tommy tells them that they should do a flash mob to promote their new business. He suggests singing “Blitz - Parody of “Blank Space” (has swearing) by Technoblade to appeal to the Technoblade fan club -- namely, Dream and Skeppy.

- They chase after Skeppy and Jack and start a flashmob by aggressively singing Blitz at them. Tubbo then murders Skeppy.

- Fundy leaves. Tommy and Tubbo speak with Skeppy, who is furious.

Skeppy: “I have something you guys can never have.”

Tubbo: “Good spirit?”

- Tommy and Tubbo head to Skeppy’s house.

Skeppy: “Where are you? I’m gonna burn it.”

- They ask what it is that Skeppy has that’s so valuable.

Skeppy: “It’s labelled ‘Spirit...’”

- Skeppy is holding a piece of leather. Tubbo realizes, but Tommy is confused as Dream freaks out in chat.

- Skeppy was going to invest the leather into their business, but not anymore. Skeppy says goodbye. Tommy and Tubbo decide to join Dream’s side to keep him favorable to the showbusiness.

Tommy: “There’s another war, and me and you aren’t...”

Tubbo: “Aren’t what? On the L’manburg side?”

Tommy: “No, we’re on the Showbiz side now, Tubbo. That’s our new side.”

- They meet with Dream, who is still working on Tommy’s base.

Dream: That is the remains of my horse :(

Dream: Its like your disc to me

- An explosion goes off at Tommy’s house as Skeppy sets off a creeper and dies. Tommy tells Skeppy to give them Spirit

Skeppy: “Listen, I’m not looking for another war, okay? I just -- I came after the war, I came when it was all peaceful! I’m not here to start the war!”

Tommy: “Skeppy, okay okay -- here’s a better way of phrasing it: get it out, or we’re going to destroy everything you ever once loved.”

- They threaten to get rid of the number 14, then chase after Skeppy. Tommy shoots and kills him.

Dream: Skeppy.

Skeppy: Yes my lorde

Dream: Can I have my dead horse’s leather please

- Dream is still placing dirt.

- They bicker with Skeppy some more at Skeppy’s house. Tommy and Tubbo decide to hold him hostage. Skeppy asks why they even want the leather. Tommy replies, to gain Dream’s trust.

- Dream tells Skeppy that he would kill both of them for the leather. Tommy and Tubbo start running to L’manburg. Skeppy invites Dream to speak with him and says that he doesn’t like them. Dream asks for the leather.

Skeppy: “You remember everything that we talked about a couple days ago, where I’m like ‘that was uncalled for, why did you go to war with them? Like, that was stupid, they didn’t even do anything wrong?’ I take everything I said back, you were COMPLETELY in the right, they were idiots, you should’ve blown up MORE of their house! I take everything back, they’re fucking-- Come to my house, I’ll give you the leather...can we go to war again? Is that on your mind?”

- They negotiate over the transfer of the leather, suspicious of the other scamming them. Skeppy knows they might just log off, and he wants them dead now.

- Dream tells Skeppy that he does have something important to them:

The discs.

- Skeppy suggests they trade the leather for the two discs.

Dream: “Skeppy, it’s too valuable!”

Skeppy: “More valuable than your horse? Huh, wow, shows how much you care--”

Dream: “Equally valuable! Equally valuable!”

Skeppy: “So if it’s equal, it’s an equal trade then. I’ll trade you right now.”

- Dream says he’ll trade Skeppy one of the discs, but Skeppy insists on two.

Dream: “Well, it only matters really to Tommy, but Tubbo is like Tommy’s...son? So.”

- Skeppy says he’d settle for one with added riches. Dream says they should return to his house, but on the Prime Path Tommy and Tubbo come running to attack. Skeppy dies and respawns at Dream’s house again. Dream kills Tommy and the battle continues just outside Dream’s house between Dream, Tommy, Tubbo and Jack Manifold.

- They join a call together. Dream tells Tommy that he hasn’t given anything away yet, but he’ll trade one of the discs for it.

Tommy: “Why?”

Dream: “Because I NEED my horse’s leather back! It’s from my horse’s dead body!”

- Part of the deal is that the disc can’t be damaged. He’ll give away Cat.

Dream: “Tommy, I HAVE to do it! One disc!"

- He doesn’t care who he gets the leather from. Tommy has one day to get the leather back from Skeppy, but Tommy says that he’ll be visiting Tubbo the next day and can’t spend the day at war.

- Dream leaves and Tommy goes to negotiate with Skeppy. He pulls out the ultimate weapon -- Skeppy’s tweets.

- #skeppyisoverparty and #tommyisoverparty both start trending on Twitter.

- Tommy and Tubbo admire Dream’s handiwork on repairing Tommy’s house, then continue negotiating with Skeppy.

- Tommy and Tubbo realize that it would be a lot easier to take the disc back from Skeppy than Dream and tell Skeppy to give Dream the leather.

- Skeppy tells Dream he’ll give him the leather for two discs. Tommy tells Dream he has his approval. They go back and forth over one vs. two discs.

- Tommy invites Skeppy back to VC.

Tommy: “Skeppy, meet Big Q!”

“Skeppy?! SKEPPY?! Remember when you invited me on a video and I said no?!”

- Quackity tries his best to intimidate Skeppy. It doesn’t work. Skeppy leaves to continue working on his house.

- Skeppy rejoins the call to hear Tommy and Tubbo say that Quackity’s been in juvie for 41 years. They talk about the leather again.

Skeppy: I am here anytime you want to talk, Dream. There is a reason you went to war with these idiots. Remember that. Thank you.

Dream: “Skeppy...I want the leather! Do you have sympathy? It’s my dead horse, okay? My horse died, and then Sapnap took the leather from the ground.”

- Tommy and Tubbo watch through the window to watch Dream and Skeppy negotiate. Dream explains to Skeppy that there have been multiple wars on the server over the discs, and he wants control over them. There’s no point in burning them, because you would lose all trading power.

- Dream would never trade Skeppy both, but he’s willing to give one. Skeppy asks for Netherite, but Dream doesn’t have any to trade. He used up his resources for the war.

- Skeppy agrees to the trade for one disc. Skeppy gives Dream Spirit, and Dream gives Skeppy Cat to put in his Ender Chest. The deal has been done.

- Fundy and Jack Manifold build a little house on the roof of Eret’s castle just above the throne room to claim the throne.

- Tommy asks when Dream will whitelist Quackity. Dream says right now and does so.

Tommy: “Okay so Quackity’s not joining L’manburg, but he can be our dirty little crime boy...Our man on the inside!”

- Quackity joins the call. He’s out of juvie after 43 years. Tommy tells him that Quackity can’t join L’manburg, but they can do the cartel instead. Dream says Quackity could also join his side. Quackity weighs his options.

Enter Quackity.

- They meet Quackity at Spawn. They get to the Community House and Dream throws Quackity several diamonds. Quackity thanks Dream for helping him.

Dream: “You’re very welcome. We try and get everyone to feel welcome and at home here at Dream Team SMP.”

- Tommy tells Quackity not to bond with the green bastard and starts walking down the Prime Path. Ponk comes over as well. Dream takes off all his armor.

- Quackity doesn’t want to take sides right now. Tommy fills him in on the war.

- Tommy shows Quackity his basement and puts Quackity in prison. He tries to put Dream in prison too, but Dream’s too quick and evades.

Enter The_Eret.

- Tommy notices a mark on Quackity’s face. Dream says it’s a battle scar from prison. Quackity is upset that Tommy keeps asking about his conditions.

- They show Quackity through the sewers.

- Ponk murders Jack.

- Fundy meets Eret at the second tower to show him the scuffed redstone doors.

- Then, Fundy shows Eret what they’ve done at the castle, fencing off the throne as Fundy and Jack’s new territory. Fundy explains law in the Netherlands to Eret while they sit at a coffee table

- Eret asks if, were he to build a house above Fundy’s little cottage, he would then own that territory.

Eret: “I think the turns have been tabled, Fundy.”

Fundy: “I think the turns have been coffee...tabled, if you wouldn’t mind.”

- They go back down to the throne and Eret says he doesn’t think this is how it works, as he still has the crown on his head.

- While Fundy struggles with his king skin, Eret builds a platform above the house at build limit, therefore reclaiming it as his territory. While he’s occupied, Fundy takes the entire throne and moves it slightly to the left.

Enter Punz.

- Punz tells Fundy that he’s fucked up. Tubbo joins the call to inform Fundy that there’s a cartel now. Punz tells Fundy that he’s killed Beenis, the original bee.

- Tubbo informs Fundy that Eret is summoning Herobrine while Fundy hides Pog the dog behind a wall. Eret finds him quickly.

- Punz joins the call to tell Fundy that he has evidence of Fundy murdering Beenis. Tubbo says he can be Fundy’s lawyer.

- Fundy puts on his king outfit. Punz and Tubbo come to the castle. Tubbo leads them all to court. He is a lawyer. They argue about who should go in the jail hole and the death hole.

- Punz tells Tubbo that he clipped evidence from his security cameras. He explains that Fundy broke the hive and it must have died.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer.”

- Punz shows the evidence of Fundy breaking the hive. They debate whether the bee would have died.

Tubbo: “Oh my god, be careful I’m a lawyer.”

- Fundy says that he didn’t kidnap it, he didn’t kill it and he does not have it. Tubbo declares the first strike and asks Punz why the bee was outside. Punz says the bee usually comes back.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer! Did I mention it?”

- Fundy says the enchants on his pickaxe included silk touch. Tubbo shoots Eret with an arrow.

Tubbo: “I am a lawyer! Be careful!”

...

Tubbo: (shooting Eret again) “Yeah you can. You can rename a corpse. Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

Tubbo: “Punz, how sad are you that he’s dead on a scale of 1 to 10?”

Punz: “Just typing his name reminds me of all the memories we had.”

Tubbo: “How many memories is that? I need a number, so I can know how many, how many, how many...yeah. I’m a lawyer, be careful.”

- Tubbo makes a rough estimate of 200 and flicks another lever.

Tubbo: “I’m a lawyer, be careful!...be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

- Tubbo asks if Fundy has any valuables on him. Eret offers to hold onto anything, so Tubbo shoots him again.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer, Eret! Be careful, be careful, I’m a lawyer. Yeah, I know you didn’t, and that’s why you should be careful, ‘cause I’m a lawyer.”

Tubbo: “Be careful! Be careful, I’m a lover! -- I mean lawyer. Wrong one.”

- Fundy asks to make a claim.

Tubbo: “You’ve got one lever left. Be careful, I’m a lawyer.”

- Jack Manifold arrives in a king outfit. Tubbo promptly shoots him.

Tubbo: “Jack Manifold! Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

...

Tubbo: “Hey, hey, you don’t talk to him! Be careful I’m a lawyer but I’m out of ar -- Punz, do you have any arrows? ...Thank you I’m a lawyer, thank you I’m a lawyer.”

“Guys! Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

“Hey! Be careful, I’m a lawyer, I’m a lawyer. How much camera in -- the -- is there?...Okay, well you can’t leave that cell, so we’re gonna have to if this doesn’t work -- be careful I’m a lawyer, Jack Manifold. Be careful. Be careful I’m a lawyer! Be careful, Eret, I’m a lawyer. (he shoots Eret again) No no no, that was just a lawyer shot.”

“Everyone be quiet, I’m a lawyer! Okay...so order in the lawyer! Order in the lawyer, everyone.”

- Punz suddenly murders Fundy. Tubbo tells them all to be careful, he’s a lawyer, as Fundy looks into his Ender Chest and sees the beehive there. Tubbo asks if Fundy wants to sue Punz, he’s a lawyer.

Jack: “Tubbo, Tubbo...so what do you do for a living?”

Tubbo: “I’m...I’m...I paint...sofas.”

- Tubbo declares them all L’Lawyerberg. They’re doing independence again. They all head back to the castle, having created Dream SMP’s newest law firm.

The End.

#in case you thought that Season One was any less off-the-walls chaotic as the new lore #dream smp #dream smp recaps #long posts #this is legitimately one of my favorite days of SMP history #and I wanted to share it lol

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hyungieyoongi · 3 years

Text

Spotlight: “Run Away to You” Part 3

You knew it was just a matter of time before someone figured it out.

Your carefully constructed reality was about to shatter.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Former Actress!Reader

Word Count: 2.0K

Genre: Angst + Fluff (there’s a hug and everything there is fluff on the horizon!!)

Series Masterlist: Run Away to You

Premise: You ran away from your acting career one year ago, disappearing from the spotlight without a trace. No one from your past life knew where to find you. On the anniversary of your disappearance, your carefully constructed reality is shattered.

Part 2 // Part 4

---

You blinked your eyes a few times to adjust to the brightness of the morning as the sunlight streamed into your room through the crack in your curtains. Your eyelids felt heavy with exhaustion. Glancing at the clock on your nightstand, you let out an audible groan at the time. It was 9:30 a.m., meaning you had slept for four short hours, your brain and restless thoughts refusing to let you sleep until the early hours of the morning.

After you were finally able to stop the onslaught of tears last night, you sat with Marianne on your carpet and told her everything that happened: colliding with Yoongi at the corner store, the fight in your apartment, and how he comforted you during your panic attack. When she asked about the phone call from your old number, you simply played her the last voicemail Yoongi left you, letting his words sink in on their own.

“Shit,” Marianne breathed out.

“Tell me about it,” you agreed.

Your head was pounding, making you feel like you were suffering a hangover this morning from the lack of sleep combined with the many tears you cried. You went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, hoping the scalding hot water would burn away the memories of everything that had transpired.

You decided to avoid looking at either one of your phones, old or new, when you got out and dressed. Instead, you decided to try and convince your neighbor to let you take her dog on a walk. You desperately needed some company and fresh air to clear your head.

Donning the black hat on the hook by the door this time, you locked the door behind you. At the end of the hallway, you spotted your neighbor holding her little black pug in her arms, peering slightly over the railing at the end that looked out onto the sidewalk and street below.

“Hi there, good morning! What’s going on?” you asked, hoping your attempt at cheerfulness was convincing.

“You have to see this. There are cameras all over the place! The landlord had to come to shoo them from the stairwell and elevator this morning. Apparently, someone famous was sighted here yesterday, and now they’re looking for someone they say lives here? It’s quite the scene down there,” Susan let her pug down as she told you the news. He came bounding over to you, expecting to be showered with cuddles and kisses. Instead, you stood frozen in place, taking in everything Susan had just said.

“Cameras? There are cameras down there? In front of the building?” you asked.

“Yes, dear, isn’t that strange? I wonder if we have a celebrity in our midst!”

You let out a cough, giving Susan a fake excuse that you forgot a jacket so you could leave, ignoring her pug yapping at you for attention.

You were back in your apartment before Susan could question your odd behavior, grabbing your phone that you blatantly ignored when you woke up this morning.

You opened Twitter, going straight to the trending page.

The picture at the top of the list was blurry, but you could clearly make out two figures. It was a picture of you and Yoongi, walking to your apartment from the store. It looked like it had been taken on a phone camera, probably from the park across the street. Someone had to have recognized Yoongi, and now, there were cameras outside your apartment complex.

The picture causing a frenzy didn’t show your face, your hair covering your profile. You scrolled rapidly through some of the comments, people speculating about who the “mystery girl” was that Yoongi was with yesterday.

You knew it was just a matter of time before someone figured it out.

Your carefully constructed reality was about to shatter.

---

Yoongi’s phone was vibrating nonstop on the bed next to him. He tried to ignore it, shoving his face further under the thick comforter, hoping whoever was trying to reach him would just give up eventually.

When it started to vibrate incessantly once again, he finally glanced at the screen, fully prepared to yell at whoever woke him up.

An old picture of you filled his screen, one that Yoongi took when you first started seeing each other. You had fallen asleep on his shoulder after a long day of filming. You looked so at peace, one of his sweaters that you stole from his closet wrapped around your frame. He had snapped a photo, setting it as your contact photo, smiling at it every time you called.

He had never changed it.

Yoongi immediately sat up when he realized you were calling. He assumed he would never hear from you again, that the chapter between you two was officially closed. This time for good.

He answered on the third ring, but didn’t say anything, waiting to see if the call was an accident.

“…Yoongi?” his heart lurched at the sound of his name.

“Yes?” he asked tentatively, his voice rough with sleep.

“I need help. There’s a picture…of us. Together. I tried to call Marianne, but she didn’t answer. Yoongi, I…I don’t know what to do. I need help,” Yoongi waited, holding his breath, “I need you.”

He threw the covers off himself, already heading toward the door of his bedroom. You sounded so scared.

“I’ll come get you. Tell me where you are.”

---

Yoongi had given you careful instructions over the phone, his voice calm and calculated. You were supposed to wait in your apartment until exactly 10:30 a.m. and head down the back staircase to the alley behind your building. A car would be waiting for you there.

He told you to wear a mask and act casual, like you were just getting into a rideshare car. Be invisible and inconspicuous.

A black SUV was idling in your alleyway. You opened the backseat door on the driver’s side, shutting it quickly behind you.

“Miss Y/L/N?” the driver asked, turning around to face you. He had a kind smile, eyes slightly crinkling in the corners from his upturned lips. You nodded once.

“Good morning, I’ll be driving you to Mr. Min’s location. He requested that we send this particular vehicle because the windows are tinted for maximum security. Please make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you,” you said, relieved.

Despite the driver’s assurance, you turned your head away from the window as the car passed the hoard of photographers outside of your building. They seemed to be getting restless with the lack of people coming in and out of your complex. You were grateful to be heading as far away from there as possible.

The car eventually reached a gate, the security guard waving the car forward once it checked the license plates. You pulled into an underground garage. You weren’t familiar with the building; you figured that Yoongi and the boys had moved within the last year as their label continued to grow.

The driver cleared his throat to get your attention.

“Mr. Min would like you to take the elevator, the one just there, ma’am,” he said pointing to the nearest set of silver doors, “to floor 16. He will meet you there.”

“Thank you, you honestly saved me today,” you told him with a grateful smile. He gave you another crinkle-eyed grin.

“It’s nothing, really. Give my regards to Mr. Min.”

“I will.”

The elevator lurched upward toward floor 16, and you realized you had no idea what to say to Yoongi. The doors opened, and you were startled when the man in question was pacing in front of the elevator doors, looking frazzled as he evidently waited for your arrival.

His head snapped toward the open doors when he heard the “bing” of the elevator.

“You made it,” he said simply when you walked toward him.

“Thanks to you,” you replied. “Yoongi, I can’t thank you enough. I know this is the last thing you probably expected today, but I appreciate it more than I can tell you.”

If you weren’t mistaken, there was a pink tinge on his cheeks at your words.

“We have a strategy meeting to get to. The label has some, uh, concerns about the photo.”

Your heart sank at his words, but you realized it was time to stop letting your emotions about the situation run the show. You were potentially going to be forced back into the spotlight you had tried so hard to stay away from. It was time to be professional about this.

“Right. Of course, lead the way,” your tone had become formal, sickly sweet and stiff. It felt unbelievably awkward after spilling your heart out to him yesterday. But you knew your place–you were just part of his label’s damage control problems for the day.

He turned on his heel, leading you down the long hallway, shoes clicking against the tile floor. You followed a foot behind him, wanting to give him, and you, space.

In the meeting, you gritted your teeth, your hands balled into fists underneath the table as you listened to a group of label management and the public relations team discuss what messaging, if any, to put out. Would it be better to let it die down on its own? Release a statement saying Yoongi was visiting an “acquaintance”? There were dozens of options they went through. Yoongi’s eyes kept straying to look at you, but your eyes stayed on the clock above the PR analyst’s head across from you.

When they started discussing whether to release your identity, however, you decided enough was enough. You stood, Yoongi watching your every move.

“Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, but I would feel more comfortable if my publicist was contacted before any decisions are made regarding the release of my private information,” you had worked in this industry, too, and hell, you weren’t going to let these people dictate your life. “As you can imagine, this has the potential to have far-reaching consequences on my own livelihood. It would be best to take no further action until she is in this room with you. Otherwise, I will be forced to contact my attorney.”

The room was silent.

“Until then, I’ll take my leave. Thank you,” you left with a flourish, the adrenaline leaving you as soon as you made it into the hallway. You didn’t know where you were going, you just couldn’t stay still, your feet carrying you away from the room and the murmurs going on inside of it.

“Y/N, wait,” Yoongi called after you. You sped up, hoping there was a bathroom or something nearby that you could go hide in until Marianne showed up. “Stop walking,” Yoongi’s voice was stern.

You paused mid-step, turning to face him with a blank expression.

“Yes, was there an update from your strategy meeting since I left?” Yoongi rolled his eyes at your comment.

“Y/N, stop, I know what you’re doing. You’re shutting yourself off. I don’t blame you for standing up for yourself back there. But please don’t act like I wanted any part of that meeting,” Yoongi said, defending himself. Your confidence deflated slightly.

“Fine,” you flinched at how harsh you sounded. “I’m sorry. God, all I’ve said to you in the past 24 hours is ‘I’m sorry.’ And I am. I just…this is all…it’s a lot. I didn’t expect to see you again so soon, let alone under these circumstances.”

“My studio is a few floors below us. Come on, let’s get out of here while they figure it out,” Yoongi instructed. He walked past you, but you reached out, hand encircling his wrist to stop him. Your skin burned where it touched his.

“I wasn’t ready for any of this again. It’s all too much, too soon. If people find out who I am, my whole life will change, Yoongi. I-I don’t know if I can handle that.” Yoongi didn’t say anything, so you pulled your fingers away from his arm, expecting him to continue on his way to his studio.

Instead, he wrapped you tightly in his arms, pulling you close against him. He smelled like mint and coffee, and you closed your eyes at the familiarity of it, warmth blooming in your chest.

“It’ll be okay,” Yoongi mumbled, cheek pressed against the top of your head.

Enclosed in the comfort of his embrace, you decided to believe him.

Part 2 // Part 4

---

Taglist: @loveyoongles @agustd-2020 @delacyrose224 @crispychanniee @sunshinejunghoseokie @jinsearthh @alpacaparkaseok @sheebaba @diamonddia-mond

Want to be added to the tag list? Let me know!

Check out my other work! ❤️

#bts fluff #bts angst #bts fic #run away to you fic #bts fanfiction #bts series #min yoongi #bts yoongi #bts suga #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #suga #suga x reader #sugar x y/n #bts au fanfic #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst

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babybluebex · 4 years

Text

it takes two [peter parker]

➽ pairing: peter parker x fem!reader (y/n) ➽ word count: 3.0k ➽ summary: an accidental discovery leads peter and you to discuss poly-nylons, tony stark, and aunt may’s burnt meatloaf. ➽ warnings: awkward teenage feels, fluff, all that good stuff ➽ a/n: nerdy little peter melts my heart uwu. enjoy!

“Hey, Y/N. Y/N!”

I turned to see Peter fumbling with his books, and I extended my arms to catch them. “Hey, Pete,” I chuckled. I looked at one of the books in my hand and saw the official autobiography of tech giant Tony Stark, and I laughed. “We get it, man, you’re in love with Tony Stark.”

“I’m not,” Peter said quickly. “Just wanna read up on my boss.”

“Right,” I said with a click of my tongue. “The whole internship thing. That seems like a pretty sweet gig, Pete.”

“It’s…” Peter began and nodded. “It’s alright.”

“What do you actually do?” I asked, placing the biography of Peter’s one true love back on his stack of books. “Do you do paperwork? Or Mr. Stark’s laundry?”

That elicited a laugh out of Peter. Peter Parker and I had been friends for a while, since we were lab partners in eighth grade biology, and I had been one of the first people he told about the internship. As excited as he was to get it, though, he never really talked too much about it. “I do…” He began. “Um… Stuff.”

“Well, yeah, that’s what I’m asking,” I said, shouldering my backpack. “What kinda stuff?”

“This and that,” Peter shrugged. “Sorta whatever needs to be done.”

I nodded slowly. “Uh-huh,” I responded. “Well, since you’re not gonna tell me, I’ll tell you some big news.”

“Sure,” Peter said. “What is it?”

“I got an interview for MIT,” I grinned, and joy overcame Peter’s face. His arms instinctually went out to hug me, but his stack of books went tumbling to the ground around us. He paid it no mind and hugged me tightly anyway, rocking us as he embraced me. Peter gave amazing hugs; that’s one thing nearly everyone can agree on.

“That’s awesome, Y/N!” Peter exclaimed. “When is it?”

“Friday evening,” I said. “And I’m freaking out really bad. Do you think you could help me prep?”

Peter had already bent down and begun to retrieve his books. “Why me?” He asked. “A-Ask Flash, he’s on the debate team.”

“Because I don’t want to ask Flash,” I sighed. “I want to ask you. God, Pete, you got an internship with Stark Industries! Why wouldn’t I ask for your help with interviews? I mean, I assume there was an interview process…”

“Um, sorta,” Peter said. “Yeah, yep, there was.”

My eyes narrowed. “What was that turn around?” I asked. “‘Sorta’ an interview, but also yes?”

“It wasn’t a, uh, a typical interview,” Peter said. “I met Mr. Stark’s head of security before him.”

“Wait, hold on!” I cried. “You’ve met Tony Stark?”

“I told you about this!” Peter smiled. “We went on that company retreat!”

“Th-The one to Berlin?” I asked. “You met Tony freaking Stark in Berlin? How’d I not know this, Peter?”

“I remember telling you,” Peter said. “I missed those days, and I texted you asking about homework, and you told me we had a test and asked how the retreat was, and I said that it was awesome and I met Tony Stark.”

“I don’t remember that,” I said. “But come on, Petey! Please help me prep for this interview, MIT is my dream school!” I grasped his arm and pouted at him, and I said, “For me?”

Peter rolled his eyes jokingly. “Sure,” He said with a smile, as sincere as always. “Just come by tonight, I’ll get Aunt May to order a pizza or something and we’ll work it out.”

I hugged Peter tightly. “Thank you!” I giggled. “Hey, save me a seat at lunch, yeah?”

“Umm, Ned’s brought a few pieces of his Death Star,” Peter began. “It might take up a lot of space.”

“I’ll help,” I said. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

“S-Sure,” Peter said, the tips of his ears turning pink. “We could use your smaller hands for some of the more intricate parts of the build.”

“Great,” I said as the bell rang long and high for classes to start. “Crap. I’ll see ya, Pete!”

The day passed as slowly as any normal school day would. I didn’t have a math club meeting that afternoon on account of our faculty sponsor being sick, so I was able to go home before I went to Peter’s. I gathered all of my MIT stuff from my desk and shoved it into my bag, and I opened my computer for a minute before my mom inevitably made me come to the living room. Twitter was already open (I didn’t pay great attention during last period physics), and I clicked around the trending page for a moment before seeing, at the very bottom of the list of trending topics, something called the “Man-Spider”. It wasn’t being talked about too much, but it was a trending topic in my area; knowing that someone would probably ask about it at school tomorrow, I clicked on it.

It was a shaky phone video of a man in a blue and red suit on the rooftop of a building that was adjacent to the videographer. “Hey, you’re that Man-Spider from YouTube!” the videographer yelled.

“Call me Spiderman!” The suited man replied back, his voice echoing around the street.

“Okay! Do a flip, Spiderman!”

The so-called Spiderman flipped backwards, eliciting a whoop from the videographer. The video ended there, and I huffed out a quiet laugh. Peter was really into gymnastics; he would like this video. I tagged him, @pparker101, figuring that he would watch it before I got to his place.

When I finally got myself up and made my way across the borough to Peter and his Aunt May’s apartment, May answered the door. She was a tall and thin woman with long hair that she usually pulled up, and she smiled when she saw me. “Aw, hey, Miss Y/N,” May said. “What’s going on?”

“Peter’s helping me with an interview thing tonight,” I said. “Is that alright?”

“Oh, sweetheart, of course,” May said, waving her hand around. “Where are you interviewing?”

“MIT,” I replied. “The actual interview is on Friday, but, since he’s got that internship with Stark Industries, I figured he would help me prepare.”

“Oh, good job,” May said. “Yeah, Pete popped out to get a sandwich, but you’re welcome to wait for him. Are you hungry? I’m making meatloaf.”

I had known May for long enough to know that it was safest to skip out on the meatloaf. “Oh, I’m alright,” I told her. “I ate before I came.”

“If you change your mind…” May sang and scrunched her nose at me as she smiled. “Pete said that you helped him and Ned with their Death Star build today; how was that?”

“Pretty great,” I smiled. “It was a lot of pieces and we’re not finished yet, but all working together was pretty sweet.”

“I bet,” May replied. “All of you are so smart, I could never do that, even with instructions.”

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to see Peter replying to me on Twitter with a simple :). “Thanks, May,” I said. “Um, I think I’m gonna go set up in Peter’s room.”

“Alright, Miss Y/N,” May said and gave me a quick hug. “Have fun.”

Peter’s room was messy as always, discarded projects all over the place, and laundry piled in the corner of his bottom bunk. I sat down on the edge of the bottom bunk and started to extract my papers and things to practice, but there was a weird sound from behind me. It was quiet and I almost missed it, but the cool breeze that hit my shoulder helped alert me to the fact that the window was open. I turned over my shoulder, expecting to see the widow accidentally unlatched and opening, but instead I saw something completely different: my best friend crawling on the ceiling.

I couldn’t form words. I wasn’t convinced that I was actually seeing what was happening. Peter was attached upside down to his ceiling, wearing a weird onesie-looking outfit with alternating red and blue panels. He was quiet as he crawled to the other side of the room, and he extended his hand, his middle two fingers and thumb folded into his palm, and a string of white shot from his wrist and attached to the corner of the door. Peter tugged the door closed with ease, as if he had done it before, then he expertly flipped from the ceiling and landed on the carpet with the grace of an Olympic gymnast. His back was to me, but, now that I saw him better, I saw that he wore the exact same outfit that the Man-Spider wore in the Twitter video.

“Holy shit, are you the Man-Spider?” I cried, and Peter flinched. He turned to me, his face stricken with panic, and I saw a black arachnid symbol in the middle of his chest. “You are! Holy shit, Peter--”

“Dude, shut up!” Peter hissed quickly. His hand came up to his chest and he pressed on the spider symbol, and the tight suit loosened and fell off of his body. “I-I’m not the Man-Spider--”

“Spiderman!” I recalled from the video. “Peter, what the actual fuck--”

“Shut up!” Peter pleaded, rushing to me and pressing his hand against my mouth. He was right on top of me, his chest nearly touching mine with each breath, and his dark eyes were wide at me. “Y/N, you… You can’t tell anyone. Please!”

I shifted my head in order to remove his hand. “Are you serious…” I began. “You’re Spiderman? Wait, how did this happen? Was it the Stark internship, did Tony Stark do this to you?”

“I’ll explain everything,” Peter whispered. “Just, you really cannot tell anyone.”

“Does May know?” I asked quickly.

“Are you kidding me?” Peter scoffed. He reached down and grabbed a shirt and began to dress himself; I had noticed that, after the suit came off, he was only in boxers, but I figured that it was better not to say anything. “If she knew, she’d go ballistic.”

I sighed heavily and sat down on the bed once more. “Make this make sense,” I groaned, pressing my head into my hands. “Did this happen to you? Did you make it happen? Is this a Bruce Banner thing?”

“No,” Peter said quickly, and he sat down next to me. “Look, it’s a really long story, but the basics are that I was bitten by a radioactive spider and now I can do weird things. Like, things I never was able to do before. I’m really strong now, Y/N, and I just… I can do that.” He said and pointed to the ceiling. “But Tony Stark found out about me somehow and he tapped me to help him in some sort of weird fight with him and Captain America. He made me that suit! It’s really cool!”

“It is!” I said quickly. “So, are you, like, an Avenger now? Is that what the Stark internship is?”

Peter paused for a moment, and his cheeks turned pink. “Yeah, I mean…” He started. “Basically, yeah, I’m an Avenger.”

“Oh my God,” I laughed. “That’s awesome, Peter! But… Why would you keep this from me?” There was no point disguising the hurt in my voice. That was it, plain and simple. “I thought we told each other everything.”

“We do,” Peter said. “I just… Mr. Stark told me to keep this a secret. He said that anyone who knew could be in danger. I didn’t want you getting hurt.”

I chewed the inside of my cheek. The secrecy hurt and it wouldn’t stop for a while, but my excitement overshadowed that. “This is super cool, Peter,” I laughed. “So, the thing you just shot, do you-- Like, does your body make that? Like a spider? Was that a web?”

“Yeah, it’s a web,” Peter smiled widely. “But my body doesn’t make them. That would be super gross.”

“Sorta, yeah,” I agreed.

“Nah, it’s, uh,” Peter began and rushed over to the forgotten suit on the floor. “It’s a poly-nylon substance that’s loaded in these web shooters that Mr. Stark made me. They’re super strong and take three hours to fully dissolve. They come out of this shooter that I wear on my wrist.” He lifted up the silver web shooter to show me, and I grinned at it.

“That’s awesome,” I chuckled. “Wait, does Ned know?”

“No,” Peter said quickly.

“MJ?”

“No.”

“Liz? Betty? Flash?”

“You’re the only one,” Peter reiterated. “Nobody else knows. Mr. Stark, Happy, Pepper, everyone at SHIELD, and you. You’re the only outsider.”

“This is…” I began. “This is really cool, don’t get me wrong, but isn’t it dangerous?”

“Yeah,” Peter nodded. “I mean… Yeah. Everytime I go on a mission, I’m not really sure if I’m coming back.”

I sighed and rubbed my neck. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Petey,” I started. “But I really don’t like this. The idea of my best friend being an Avenger is super cool, but it’s scary as shit. I can’t lose you, Pete. Nobody gets me like you do, and I don’t know what I’d do if you died and I didn’t know why.”

Peter was quiet as he came back to sit down next to me, his web shooter still in his hand. He toyed with it for a moment, then placed it in my lap. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Pete, you didn’t do anything wrong,” I said. “You were doing what you were told was right. If anything, Tony Stark needs to apologize to me.”

Peter scoffed. “Good luck with that,” he said. “You’re cool. Ya know that?”

“Me?” I chuckled. “You’re freaking Spiderman, dude! You’re cooler than everyone at Midtown! So, is Peter Parker, like, your alter ego? Like Batman?”

“Batman isn’t real,” Peter said pointedly.

“The point stands, ass,” I said and shoved his shoulder, eliciting a laugh from him.. “By day, you’re a nerdy high school student and, by night, you’re an Avenger?”

“Sorta,” Peter shrugged sheepishly. “I guess, I mean… Not to brag, but--”

“Brag away!” I said.

“I’m supposed to be helping you with your interview,” Peter began. “I think maybe we can table this until later. Yeah?”

“Fine,” I said with a pout. “Let me get my stuff…”

I turned to retrieve my papers and everything that I had brought, and Peter’s hand returned to my lap to grab the web shooter. The fates, though, decided to throw a wrench into our casual moment, because the ajar door burst open to show May. Before I knew what was happening, Peter had shoved the web shooter down between my thighs in an attempt to quickly hide it, and he pressed his lips to mine. I caught on instantly; his hand between my legs only made sense if we were kissing. It was an easy cover up, something to get May out of the room, and-- honestly-- probably something that May had been suspecting all along.

“Oh!” She exclaimed and backed out of the room, and Peter gave me a tight grimace. I could almost hear him stuttering out an apology. “Sorry, guys! I didn’t mean to--”

“That’s about my luck, huh?” Peter said loudly and laughed. “It’s-- Ah, shit-- Sorry, May!”

“No, don’t be sorry,” May said from behind the door. Peter pulled the web shooter from between my legs and grabbed his suit, and he shoved them under the blankets behind me. “Don’t let me interrupt... Whatever that was. Peter, please remember to use a--”

“May, hush!” Peter cried, and I saw genuine embarrassment rise in his cheeks. “We’re not-- We weren’t--”

“We were just kissing, May!” I said quickly. “Nothing else!”

“Right,” May said. “Have fun. Meatloaf’s burnt, so, if you guys want something to eat, we can get Thai. Or you two can get Thai and I’ll stay here--”

“May!” Peter groaned.

“Right, I’ll leave you two alone,” May said, and Peter and I held our breath until we were sure she wasn’t at the door anymore.

“God, sorry, Y/N,” Peter mumbled, pushing his hair out of his face. “It’s the only thing I could think of--”

“No big,” I said. “But I’m sure May thinks we’re dating now.”

“She’s thought that since eighth grade,” Peter said and rolled his eyes. “Now she has ‘proof’.”

“I mean…” I started. Too late to go back now. “I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t thought of it before.”

“Us dating?” Peter asked.

“I know you like Liz and MJ, so it’s always been…” I started. “Never mind.”

“Sure, I like Liz and MJ,” Peter said. “But I like you too. Like, in a different way than I like Liz and MJ.”

“Like, in a girlfriend way?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Peter said. He was looking down at his lap, obviously abashed and not wanting to look at me. “You’re really funny and smart, and you’re super pretty… Mr. Stark thinks you’re cute too.”

“Tony Stark knows about me?” I asked. “He thinks I’m cute?”

“N-Not in a creepy way,” Peter said quickly. “When I went to Berlin, I brought a picture of you in my luggage, and Mr. Stark-- Well, Happy found it and he told Mr. Stark, and he said that you were pretty… Encouraged me to ask you out… Gave me… Ahem, pointers on how to ask you out.”

“Really?” I grinned. This was amusing to find out. Tony Stark knew who I was. That was almost as cool as finding out my best friend was an Avenger. “What’d he say?”

“Some really gross stuff, to be honest,” Peter chuckled. “Nothing I’d ever say to you, not even jokingly. But… Whatever. Anyway. MIT interview--”

I leaned in towards Peter and kissed him again, and I felt his smile against my lips. He kissed me back, his arms wrapping around me and tugging me close, and, when the kiss broke, I whispered, “So, does Spiderman have a girlfriend?”

“I’m sure he can get one if he wants to,” Peter said.

“Does he want to?” I asked.

“Duh!”

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