#I really did not understand that other people experienced the world differently to me at that age

[creatingblackcharacters]

"Let's Have a Talk, First"- Stereotypes, pt 1

Come sit down. You and I, before we get into any of the things I'm sure you're impatient to know: we need to have a come to Jesus talk, first.

There are some things that I've been asked and seen that strengthens my belief that we need to have a reframing of the conversation on stereotypes in media away from something as simple as "how do I find the checklist of stereotypes to avoid". Because race- and therefore racial stereotypes- is a complex construct! Stands to reason then, that seeing, understanding, and avoiding it won't be that simple! I'm going to give you a couple pointers to (hopefully) help you rethink your approach to this topic, and therefore how to apply it when you're writing Black characters- and even when thinking about Black people!

Point #1: DEVELOP THE CHARACTER!! WRITE!!

Excuse my crude language, but let me be blunt: Black people- and therefore Black characters- will get angry at things, and occasionally make bad choices in the heat of the moment. Some of us like to fuck real nasty, some might be dominant in the bedroom, they may even be incredibly experienced! Others of us succumb to circumstance and make poor decisions that lead to crime.

None of those things inherently makes any of us angry Black women and threatening Black men, Jezebels and BBC Mandingos, and gangsters and thugs!

Black people are PEOPLE! Write us as such!

If all Black characters ever did was go outside, say "hi neighbor!" and walk back in the house, we'd be as boring as racist fans often accuse.

I say this because I feel I've seen advice that I feel makes people think writing a Black character that… Emotes negatively, or gets hurt by life and circumstance, or really enjoys hard sex, or really any scenario where they might "look bad" is the issue. I can tell many people think "well if I write that, then it's a stereotype" and to avoid the difficulty, they'll probably end up writing a flat Black character or not writing them at all. Or- and I've seen this too- they'll overcompensate in the other direction, which reveals that they 'wrote a different sort of Black person!' and it comes off just as awkwardly because it means you think that the Black people that do these things are 'bad'. And I hate that, because we're capable of depth, nuance, good, evil, adventure, world domination, all of it!

My point is, if you write your character like the human being they are, while taking care to recognize that you as the writer are not buying into stereotypes with your OWN messaging, you're fine. We have emotions, we have motivations and goals, we make decisions, and we make mistakes, just like anybody else. Write that! Develop your character!

POINT #2: YOU CAN'T CONTROL THE READERS!!

Okay. You can write the GREATEST Black character ever, full of depth, love, nuance, emotional range, all those things…. And people are still going to be racist about them. Sorry. There is absolutely nothing you can do to control a reader coming from that place of bias you sought to avoid. If it's not there, TRUST AND BELIEVE, it'll be projected onto them.

That passionate young Black woman who told the MC to get her head out of her ass? Yeah she's an angry Black bitch now, and bully to the sweet white MC. Maybe a lesbian mommy figure if they like her enough to "redeem" her. That Black gay male lead that treats his partner like he worships the ground he walks on? Yeah he's an abusive thug that needs to die now because he disagreed One Time with his white partner. That Black trans woman who happened to be competing against the white MC, in a story where the white MC makes comparable choices? Ohhhh they're gonna be VILE about that poor woman.

It really hurts- most especially as a Black fan and writer- knowing that you have something amazing to offer (as a person and creative) and people are gonna spit on that and call it "preference". That they can project themselves onto white characters no matter what, but if you project your experiences onto black characters, it's "pandering", "self insert", "woke", "annoying", "boring", and other foul things we've all gotten comments of.

But expect that it's gonna happen when you write a Black character, again, especially if you're a Black writer. If you're not Black, it won't hurt as personally, but it will probably come as a shock when you put so much effort in to create a lovely character and people are just ass about them. Unfortunately, that is the climate of fandom we currently exist in.

My favorite example is of Louis De Pointe Du Lac from AMC's Interview With The Vampire. Louis is actually one of the best depictions of the existential horror that is being Black in a racist White world I have ever seen written by mostly nonblack people. It was timeless; I related to every single source of racist pain he experienced.

People were HORRIFIC about Louis.

It didn't matter that he was well written and what he symbolized; many white viewers did NOT LIKE this man. There's a level of empathy and understanding that Black characters in particular don't receive in comparison to white counterparts, and that's due to many of those stereotypes and systemic biases I'm going to talk about.

My point is, recognize that while yes, you as the author have a duty to write a character thoughtfully as you can, it's not going to stop the response of the ignorant. Writing seeking to get everyone to understand what you were trying to do… Sisyphean effort. It's better to focus on knowing that YOU wrote something good, that YOU did not write the stereotype that those people are determined to see.

POINT #3: WHY is something a stereotype?

While there are lists of stereotypes against Black people in media and life that can be found, I would appreciate if people stopped approaching it as just a list of things you can check off to avoid. You can know what the stereotypes are, sure, but if you don't understand WHY they're a problem and how they play into perception of us, you'll either end up writing a flat character trying to avoid that list, or you're going to write other things related to that stereotype because "oh its not item #1"... and it'll still be racist.

For example: if you wrote a "sassy Black woman" that does a z formation neck rotation just because a store manager asked her something… that's probably stereotype. If you thought of a character that needed to be "loudmouthed", "sassy", and "strong" and a dark-skinned black woman was automatically what fit the profile in your mind, ding ding ding! THAT'S where you need to catch your racist biases.

But a dark-skinned Black woman character cursing out a store manager because she's had a really bad, stressful day and their attitude towards her pushed her over the edge may be in the wrong, but she's not an "angry Black woman". She's a Black woman that's angry! And if you wrote the day she had to be as bad as would drive anyone to overstimulation and anxiety, the blow up will make sense! The development and writing behind her led to this logical point (which connects to point #1!)

I'm not going to provide a truly exhaustive list of Black stereotypes in media because that would ACTUALLY be worth a college credited class and I do this for free lmao. But I am going to provide some classic examples that can get y'all started on your own research.

POINT #4: WATCH BLACK NARRATIVES!

As always, I'm gonna push supporting Black creators, because that's the best way to see the range of what you'd like. You want to see Black villains? We got those! Black heroes? Black antiheroes? Assholes, lovers, comedians, depressed, criminals, kings, and more? They exist! You can get inspired by watching those movies and reading those books, see how WE depict us!

I've seen mixed reviews on it, BUT- I personally really enjoyed Swarm, because it was one of the first times I'd ever seen that "unhinged obsessed murderous Black fan girl" concept. Tumblr usually loves that shit lmao. Even the "bites you bites you bites you [thing I love]" thing was there. And she liked girls, too. Just saying. I thought it was a fun idea that I'd love to see more of. Y'all gotta give us a chance to be in these roles, to tell these tales. We can do it too, and you'd enjoy it if you tried to understand it!

POINT#5: You are NOT Black!

This is obvious lmao, but if you're not Black, there's no need to pretend. There's no need to think "oh well I have to get a 100% perfect depiction of the Black person's mind". That's… That's gonna look cringe, at its best. You don't have to do that in order to avoid stereotypes. You're not going to be able to catch every nuance because it's not your lived experience, nor is it the societally enforced culture. Just… Do what you can, and if you feel like it's coming off hokey… Maybe consider if you want to continue this way lol. If you know of any Black beta readers or sensitivity reviewers, that'd be a good time to check in!

For example, if your Black character is talking about "what's good my homie" and there's absolutely no reason for him to be speaking that way other than to indicate that he's Black… 😬 I can't stop you but… Are you sure?

An egregious example of a TERRIBLE way to write a Black character is the "What If: Miles Morales/Thor" comic. I want to emphasize the lack of good Black character design involved in some of these PROFESSIONAL art spaces, because that MARVEL comic PASSED QA!! That comic went past NUMEROUS sets of eyes and was APPROVED!! IT GOT RELEASED!! NO ONE STOPPED IT!!

I'm sorry, it was just so racist-ly bad that it was hilarious. Like you couldn't make that shit up.

Anyway, unfortunately that's how some of y'all sound trying to write AAVE. I promise that we speak the Queen's English too lmao. If you're worried you won't get it right, just use the standard form of English. It's fine! Personally, I'd much rather you do that than try to 'decode AAVE' if you don't know how to use it.

My point is, if you're actively "forcing" yourself to "think Black"… maybe you need to stand down and reconsider your approach lmao. This is why understanding the stereotypes and social environment behind them will help you write better, because you can incorporate that Blackness- without having to verbally "emphasize how Black this is"- into their character, motivations, and actions.

Conclusion

We need to reconsider how we approach the concepts of stereotypes when writing our Black characters. The goal is not to cross off a checklist of things to avoid per se, but to understand WHY we have to develop our Black characters well enough to avoid incorporating them into our writing. Give your Black characters substance- we're human beings! We have motivations and fears and desires! We're not perfect, but we're not inherently flawed because of our race. That's what makes the difference!

And as always, and really in particular for this topic, it's the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!

#creatingblackcharacters #character design #black characters #black character design #black culture

[obstinatecondolement]

My sister was saying "You should write that idea for a novel about [REDACTED] that you had a while ago for NaNo. I think that could be really fun" and I was like oh yeah! I remember we got a kick out of that one. And then, after a pause, had be like... could you remind me what the plot was again? Because litearlly all I could remember was that it had been funny At The Time and involved [REDACTED].

It was like when my mum reads a book and strongly recommends it to me the day after she finishes it, but can't remember any of the characters names or what happened, but it was definitely very good and I should read it so we can talk about it!

Except this was a story I made up myself and devoted not an insignificant amount of thought to, and then never committed any of what I came up with to the page because it was still early stages and I would "remember" what my initial ideas were 🙄

#fortunately my sister did remember enough that it kickstarted my brain and I remembered #but jesus christ... #how many perfectly good ideas have I squandered because I didn't think I would forget about them? #it's one thing not ever writing stuff I had ideas for because of y'know *gestures towards my general inability to follow through on things* #but actually forgetting ideas entirely feels much worse #I miss having an eidetic memory :( #but also I kind of wish I'd never had it because I never developed the habit of writing things down to remember them #until WELL into adulthood #because I'd ever needed to for most of my life #I just remembered every single word I had ever read or heard and almost every idea I'd given more than passing thought to in perfect detail #as a child I'd get so angry about people getting single words of quotations wrong or misremembering minute details of conversations we'd ha #because I *did not understand* that they weren't just being sloppy and inexact #and that they really couldn't remember things the same way I could #I really did not understand that other people experienced the world differently to me at that age #when they contradicted what I believed to be universal truths I thought they were trying to upset me or make me feel bad about myself #like when my friend agreed with my parents that apple juice was nicer than orange juice (when no one could *really* believe that) #I fully felt that as a betrayal #and thought she was implicitly co-signing my parents to hurt me #and that the subtext of the criticism was that I was evil and self indulgent for not resisting the wicked temptations of orange juice #and never even trying to be virtuous and subject myself to apple juice #which was obviously not as nice but was the more moral and 'healthy' (which was the same things as moral) choice #oh christ this has gotten away from me... #I hate being triggered by dumb bullshit that brings me back to weird esoteric traumas from my youth #can I please stop being triggered by such embarrassingly trivial bullshit for five minutes???

[auraworkshop]

VOID SUCCESS STORY

I Finally Experienced The Void State

HOW I USED TO VIEW VOID BEFORE I ENTERED

Before I entered it, I viewed the void as the ultimate state of oneness with the universe. I viewed it as the place where I could finally be free from all suffering and limitation. It was a place where I could be at peace and experience the ultimate reality. I also viewed it as a place that was beyond anything I could imagine or describe. It was the place I was drawn to and wanted to experience more than anything else in the world. It was where I knew I could find the ultimate truth and the ultimate peace and bliss.

I was never a fond of it, I just and wanted to feel it, experience it by myself. I don't understand why it's so hyped up after all.

HOW I TAPPED IN

I tapped in by listening to my subliminal. Before putting on the sub I did a special, ancient breathing technique :

Bhastrika or the bellows breath

For this you have to Close the right nostril and inhale twenty rapid bellows-like breaths through the left nostril. Repeat with twenty more bellows breaths through the right nostril while keeping the left nostril closed. Proceed to take twenty bellows breaths through both nostrils. This method helps the body and mind to clear out mental, emotional and physical blocks.

After doing this, I put on my subliminal and a blind fold on my eyes and imagined myself walking inside my own mind and it's getting darker and darker as I get deeper into it, exactly like Eleven did in Stranger Things. Okay, so doing this made me super duperr relaxed which got me slept and when I woke up I knew that I made it! and NO, my void was not pitch dark, I don't know but for some reason it was white, pure white. I felt like I'm directly looking into a bulb you know :)

MY EXPERIENCE WITH IT

My void experience was a feeling of emptiness and peace. Not a single thing was there in the void other than my consciousness. I felt completely liberated and at ease when I was in the void. My thoughts were dead silent and I was just being. I felt a deep sense of connection to the universe and a knowing that all is well. It was a feeling of emptiness and unity at the same time. Everything that is, is within me. It can not be described because it is beyond any description. No words and no labels can truly define or grasp the eternal silence of the void. The void I experienced was full of utter peace and stillness. It was the complete lack of self-consciousness and the total realization of eternity. It was pure, uninterrupted consciousness. It was a place of pure awareness and complete freedom from all attachments and desires. It was a place of absolute silence and the absence of all thought and emotion. It was a place of complete and utter bliss and nothingness at the same time. I felt a deep sense of timelessness and immortality. I felt like I was in my purest form. I felt like I was in a state of total nirvana and perfect happiness. It was like being in a state of pure bliss and complete oneness with the universe. I felt connected to everything and everyone, and it was the most pure and peaceful experience I've ever had. However I have entered the void twice but snapped out on incident within seconds. Staying in the void for hours is totally different :)

MY EXPERIENCE WITH THE VOID IS JUST UNDESCRIBABLE 🤍

I really don't know how to put it into words

I just feel COMPLETED now !

WHAT I MANIFESTED

No, I didn't manifest anything in the void. Manifesting something through the void was never my intention because I already have manifested almost everything just by listening to my subliminals and I love listening to them. But if in future if I'll manifest anything in the void, I'll update y'all about it for sure with pictures.

Believe me or not the void is unnecessarily so hyped up in this community, it's so easy to access it. Now with my experience with it I know how I can be helpful to y'all in regards of accessing the void state.

I know people will ask me for the subliminal that I listened to, so first of all I made it myself, because few days back while I was on my journey to entering the void I listened to a subliminal, which made everything worse, I knew that the subliminal maker has used some bad spells in it, so I made my own sub. No wonders tho because earlier I used to make subliminals for myself and they did worked for me and I manifested a lot of things but I was so lazy that I stopped making them :)

But as I really wanted to experience the void within myself, I decided to work a Lil hard and make a sub for myself and after researching deeply on how I can make subliminal work faster, I managed to made it myself.

I have posted it on my YouTube channel but remember my sub will not work for those who have bad intentions! ThankYou.

Here's the video :

Enter the void in the blink of an eye : Use w/ caution

Make sure to hit the subscribe button because I'll be uploading more such subliminals ! 🤍

#Youtube #void #void state #void success #void state success story #loa #loassumption #law of assumption #sammy ingram #affirm and persist #the void #shifting methods

[goddessxeffect]

« INTRO: AWAKEN TO (YOUR)SELF »

A BEGINNERS GUIDE TO ALL THINGS CONSCIOUSNESS

This blog used to be a journal in the process of self realization of it's creator but has yet turned out to be a collection of sources and information guiding you too on your way back to your true Being. It all started with the question: “Who are you really?” and the realization that reality is not what it seems. I'm at a point now where I do not follow any teachings or concepts anymore nor did I consent in strictly deviding law of assumption from non dualism in the past. Nowadays, I see myself as an advocate for Self-realization. That being said, I really want to distance myself from any "new age manifestation/law of assumption" (do this to get xyz) teachings practised on youtube or tiktok.

I did create my own content in the past but stopped because there is nothing new to say and my understanding has deepened. Posts and annotations written by me are easily recognisable by my typical colour code, which is obviously displayed here. I only answer questions for understanding or clarification, guidelines here.

HOW TO START

Advaita Vendata (Non Dualism): an Introduction

Core of non dual understanding

If everything is consciousness, I am everything and everything is me? I still feel like "me", I don't feel like god of my reality How to become aware(ness) How to control the thoughts How to be free from emotions and thoughts Stop concerning yourself with the wants and needs of Ego How to loose attachment to Ego What you really are How to be Consciousness/ Awareness

In the end, the only question remaining should be who you are without all the labels attached to "I am". You will come to discover you do not want freedom from this shape alone, but from all shapes. Be aware of your past being over. "External world shows otherwise? Just be like "for how long do you think it can keep this up when you have nothing to do with it?" @Ada

MY CONTENT/ EPIPHANIES

You can experience pain in your life but you don’t have to ‘suffer’ the pain.”  - Anon I mus

#masterpost, #goddessawakening

» Mosaic » Be yourself first »"Manifesting" » Freedom » Being » Why everbody misinterprets Self concept » Is there a real difference? »Misidentification » Consciousness & Limitation » No others » Question Reality » Missing » Ego & Time

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

... what to find on my blog through the tags

Advise/FAQs: Koda, Nova, iam-you, Cassie, Bry, Jag, Vesora, Lain, more What is Ego? How it feels to be Self / Awareness All on Self Realization and Detachment All on LOA trough a non dualistic view Books

If you still want to focus on "getting your desires" after been through all the info, search Neville Goddard (all his books and lectures). If you have a hard time understanding Neville, I advise some people who break down his teachings in a short and modern way of speaking: Edward Art (Reddit(Series), Audio), embodythestate, niclasupgradetolife, Josiah Brandt on YouTube

#this is a sideblog #consciousness #law of consciousness #non dualism #non-dualism #non duality #non-duality #awareness #neville goddard #edward art #law of assumption #loass #goddessawakening #Youtube

[jeremywhitley]

Here we are, six weeks later...

HEY!

So, in case you haven’t heard, our six week run on Love Unlimited following Gwenpool wrapped up today and...

and as much as I did write all of this and it is extremely important to me, I feel I really need to make sure you all know that this didn’t start with me.

To be completely accurate, it started with Chris Hastings and crew for creating such an amazing and nuanced character out of what could have only ever been a high concept and a cover gag. Not that the cover gag wasn’t good, but the statue that is revealed from that piece of marble over the course of The Unbelievable Gwenpool is truly astonishing.

Then, of course, there’s you. An audience of fans with an incredible love and passion for a character who also saw a lot of the quirks and experiences that we as people on the asexual spectrum experience and talked about it online.

Which is where the incredible @alannawrites, my editor, comes in. Alanna had been looking for an opportunity to tell a story about being ace in Marvel comics. We had kind of skimmed around the edges during Unstoppable Wasp, but ultimately being a character who owed so much to a movie franchise, there were a lot of nerves there. Gwen was not only a great opportunity to tell a story of a person hyper aware that they are in a story struggling with the tropes that affect their actual life, it was a chance to bring about this story for a character a lot of the fandom already saw as ace. Obviously, not everybody, but still a lot.

So when editorial game to okay to tell this story, Alanna reached out to me - somebody she’d worked with but also specifically had just had their own little coming out as demisexual a little while back. I was thrilled by the idea and before long we brought on @bailiesartblog and Kelly and had a full creative team of people on the ace spectrum. This is easily the first time that’s ever been a thought.

For me it was important that it not just be a story of coming out, but that it be a Gwenpool story. A story of knowing how stories work, what tropes you can play with, trying to direct the story where you think it should go, and ultimately finding that the story just won’t comply. And for people who have experienced being on the ace spectrum or a lot of other marginalized genders and sexualities - that’s a very familiar problem.

Ultimately, it’s different from a lot of other Gwenpool stories because it’s not the world around her. She has 2-3 real working possibilities for romantic relationships in this story and one that is about to become a fully adult sexual relationship with a woman whom she really loves before it skips the tracks. Ultimately, it’s not a thing from the 616 that’s holding her back, it’s a thing she brought with her from the real world - her sexuality - and no matter how worthy you are, you can’t beat that with a hammer.

There’ll be lots of time to talk about this later, but along with her actually saying the words and waving the flags above, one of the sequences that’s most important to me is the opening sequence of issue 6

This is the problem sometimes with being story tellers. When you think you know the story, realizing you’re not who you thought you are can feel like maybe you’re a villain. Maybe you’re a monster. Maybe you don’t belong here.

Some people on the internet seem to have decided to misinterpret this sequence as us comparing being asexual to being a monster, when very clearly that’s Gwen doing it. I’m just going to assume they’ve never had the experience of struggling to understand themselves and where they fit. Sounds fake, but whatever.

I love this FF story. I love Ben Grimm. I love this cover and that was why I gave my art team the truly unenviable task of recreating it. Like, I don’t know if you’ve been there, but I certainly have and I’d wager that most of us have at some point.

But perhaps the most important image in this scene is the next one:

Julie sees her friend, her girlfriend, the person that she cares about spiraling and literally yoinks her right out of the frame.

And sits her down and talks to her about it. And listens to her about it. And when she starts asking questions that Julie can’t answer, she finds Gwen somebody who can.

And that is an incredible gift to give to someone. And yeah, maybe we should all do that for each other, but man is it hard. Julie for one is in a multi-month relationship with this girl that just told her that not only was she lying about being ready to have sex with her, but that she didn’t actually like kissing her and has been faking enjoying some aspects of their relationship. You wanna think you would still be there for this person, but that’s a lot to handle and it takes a lot to be the person Julie is in this moment. But, personally, I love Julie Power and I think she’s the kinda person to stick with it.

And ultimately I think this scene is so important to me because I hope this book is our opportunity to be Julie Power to somebody reading this story. I hope someone who is going through a hard time or struggling with how to define themselves will find this story and it can be the hands that pull them out of the cover of Fantastic Four 51 when they need it. Maybe that’s a lot to hope for a comic, but it’s really the ambition I think the team went into this comic with. We want to tell a story about an aroace character coming to terms with who they are and learning to accept and be comfortable with it, but ultimately we hope this story gets to someone out there when they need it and makes the difference.

Well, this has gone really long and I’m sure there will be other things I wanna say about it later, but until then take care of yourselves and hopefully you’ll get the chance to be someone’s Julie Power.

P.S. - Julie, you’re amazing and I’m sure we will find a romance for you that works out eventually. Sorry that we’ve collectively now put you through three breakups.

#gwenpool #julie power #comics #marvel #power pack #deadpool #lgbtqia comics #asexuality #lgbtqia+ #love unlimited #jeremy whitley

[star-born-mars]

It's Okay to Have Bad Days (Jason Todd)

Author's note: this is entirely self-indulgent. I had a really bad day today and I just want someone to let me sit in their lap and cuddle me with no expectations other than that they love me. Since I am single, currently in the dorms away from anyone I feel comfortable with who give me said conforting contact, I'm using Jason Todd as a coping mechanism.

Warnings: reader has a bad day, one (1) mention of sex, use of the word 'dickhead' in response to something Dick said.

Jason frowned down at his phone, staring at your caller ID for a moment before he answered.

"Hey," he murmured. "What's up?"

For a moment, he thought it was a butt dial, but then he heard sniffles.

"Doll, everything okay?" he asked, standing from the couch to head into an empty hallway.

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't've... this was so stupid, I'm sorry, just ignore me," you stammered, tone tense and wet with tears.

Something was wrong.

"Woah, doll, c'mon, this is me you're talking to," Jason said. "Nothing is ever stupid with you. What's going on?"

Jason heard you sniff over the line again, and he listened intently as you took a few shuddering breaths and said, "I just... I had a really bad day. Nothing specific, just, one of those days, y'know? I wanted to do something, anything, but I just... I couldn't. And my parents are on me again about everything under the sun and I just... I'm having a day."

"I get it doll, I understand. Do you want me to listen, do you want advice, or do you just want me to show up with take-out and snuggles?"

The word 'snuggles' had multiple members of his family (even if he would never call them that out loud) looking over at him with expressions varying from mild interest (Tim, who hadn't slept in over 72 hours and was likely experiencing a different plane of existence) and downright glee (Stephanie, who was going to use it as ammunition, and Dick, who was no doubt going to dig his nose into the reason behind the use of the word and push Jason's buttons).

He moves further down the hall, just in case.

"Take-out and snuggles. I just... I don't want to be alone right now," you admitted quietly. "If it's not too much trouble, I mean, like I said, it's stupid and I know that I'm being irrational and I'm being so fucking childish right now---"

"Doll, you can have bad days, it's not the end of the world. Sometimes everything is just too much. It's okay. I'm gonna order and I'll be over in half an hour?"

"Please." It's downright plaintive and so outside of your normal attitude that it has Jason's heart hurting for you.

Jason knew how you had grown up. He knew that it had impacted you more than most people would ever suspect, let alone see, but even knowing you as well as he did, sometimes the facade still fooled him. Sometimes the cracks blindsided him, nearly made him fall to his knees with the realization that, it might be in different ways, and in varying degrees, but you're fucked up, just like him.

It's probably why the two of you worked so well, but sometimes Jason still forgets.

But it's progress, you reaching out to him instead of bottling it up like you usually do, or hiding away in the shower or your room to cry your eyes out.

He's proud, actually, to be someone you feel comfortable enough to reach out to.

"Okay doll. I'm on my way, okay?"

"Okay."

"Hey, I love you."

"Love you too," you murmured, sniffling again, though you sound much better than you had when he had first picked up. There's relief somewhere in there, Jason knows.

Relief that he hadn't reinforced the dark thoughts lingering, relief that he understands just how much it sucks. Relief that he wasn't breaking the tentative trust that had been built over long nights of patching up injuries and joking about fucked up childhoods. Relief that a wall had been let down and it wasn't met with a violent siege.

"You want your usual?"

"Yes please."

"M'kay, I'll be there soon."

"Drive safe."

"Doll, it's like you've never met me," he teased.

He relished in the surprised laugh you let out, grinning (probably like a lunatic).

"Bye Jay."

"Bye, doll."

"Hot date, little wing?" Dick asked, smirking.

"Some people are capable of being in a mutually satisfying relationship without there being sex involved, Dickhead. I'm headed, don't call me unless there's an emergency where someone is dead or actively dying or the world is about to end."

#jason my beloved #jason todd #jason todd x reader #reader #this is so fucking self indulgent #jason todd is my comfort character #love #tw: mentions of sex #dick grayson #tim drake #stephanie brown

[cupidlovesastro]

𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒖𝒄𝒊𝒅 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎

this is very different from my regular post, but i thought i’d do a post about this because i have a good understanding of this topic and i like doing it😭

the only things that your really going to need to do this is dreaming often and willpower. you don’t need to be super experienced at ANYTHING or do all these “methods” that people tell you to follow. just utilize the power of your brain !

for context, i started doing this around 13-14. i never had a bad experience with it and i very very rarely have nightmares. maybe 3 once a year, and i dream every single night. also, this is about how i did it and accomplished it !

1. gain consciousness in your dream

instead of mindlessly dreaming like you may do at times, try to gain consciousness in your dream. by that i mean, look at your dream and really pay attention to what’s going on. what do you see, hear, taste, feel? where are you? who are you with? start to pay attention to your dreams because then, you will teach yourself how to understand and actually remember your dreams when you wake up instead of waking up and having no clue what you dreamed of. do this for about a week or so before proceeding to the next step

my experience

when i do this, usually i realize im in a dream because im somewhere ive never been before, or im with people i never see, or something is somewhere it isn’t supposed to be. so when i realize im dreaming, i often tell myself “oh im in a dream”

2. explore a little

so now that you’ve realized your dream, walk around, start thinking of what you may want to say to someone in your dream, music you want to hear, food you want to, etc

my experience

this part is one of the fun parts. you can now start to control yourself and what you do in that realm. so i’ve talked to people i know in real life in my dreams, even people i don’t know. i’ve walked around places i’ve never been as well

3. start controlling things that are already in your dream

so before we get to the part where we control our entire dream, let’s start controlling things our brain has already created. so if you see a person try to control that person to talk to you, if you see a cat try to get that cat to come to you, change the color of the room your in, etc. this will help with your control over your subconscious mind, and is a little more difficult than step 2 because instead of controlling yourself, your controlling the outside world now

my experience

this for me is a little difficult for the main reason being that you have to put a lot of focus and control in it. with step 2 it’s pretty easy to do because you already are aware of yourself in your dream, you just have to control yourself. but with this part you have to control other things, which i’ve done. get someone to talk to me, or changed rooms i was in.

4. create things and / or make things disappear

now we want to sort of form our reality. so you want to start thinking of what you want to see, touch, experience, etc. if you want to see a celebrity, then do it, or if your into manifesting, view your manifestation(s). as for the disappearing part, let’s say you see something that you dislike, try to make it disappear.

my experience

i’ve done this a lotttt but usually it’s unintentional. like i’ll thinking about how i want to see someone, and they’ll appear in my dream. but in the very few nightmares ive had, ive also had to make this disappear 😭

5. create your reality

similar to what i mentioned earlier about what you want in your reality, now you want to completely create that reality. if you want to be at the beach with your friend then create that, or if you want to see your crush/ lover then create them !

my experience

this is the funnest part ofc, and i don’t usually need to create entire realities, but i have created people and things i’ve wanted to see, hear, touch, taste, etc

#astrology #astro community #astro posts #spirituality #dream #dreamcore #lucid dreaming #tarot #crystals #pac tarot #astrology tumblr #astrology stuff

[thepunkmuppet]

thinking about an alternate season 7 wherein instead of every potential slayer being hunted and then activated, every past slayer gets brought back to life. I don’t really like post-chosen content anyway, but when I do read / look at it the whole slayer academy, everyone’s a slayer thing is really stupid to me ngl 💀

previous slayers, though… nikki wood and xin rong interacting with spike, actually finding out about the slayer before buffy, slayers with different backgrounds and situations and personalities, KENDRA?! I just love it so much.

you’d be able to focus on a relatively small cast of slayers, much like the potentials, throughout the season. this would include buffy, faith, kendra, nikki, and some other american slayers from varying time periods with a couple interesting international characters too (maybe a slayer from ancient greece / rome / egypt, or an anglo-saxon one or something). these are all experienced slayers, so no need to focus on training - it would be more about lore, history and their personal character journeys, assimilating them into society (creating some fun bottle episodes, maybe a day out on the town with dawn and a historical slayer) and trying to figure out why they were all brought back. also, if you want to keep the first as the main villain, then it can look like any one of them because they’re all technically dead, which means you can still have that episode with the dead potential revealing herself as the first and all the mistrust that’s threaded throughout the season.

plus with nikki back, there would be no need for the stupid sleeper agent thing with spike or the ridiculous fight between him and robin. all the same ideas (and the flashbacks to spike’s mum) could still be explored, and in a way better way imo.

I reckon the reason they were brought back would probably be the powers that be (tying nicely into angel ofc) trying to defeat the first. and of course the ending would be this huge battle, as all the slayers from around the world come to sunnydale, and maybe to add some drama they would all disappear and die again when the battle’s done as they have fulfilled their purpose (a classic finale knife to the heart that would have everyone sobbing, especially over nikki and kendra).

there’s also the added thing of like,, I appreciate the show was leaning towards a theme of “hope for the future” with the potentials angle, but literally every other aspect of the season is about harkening back to the past. faith, robin, the first taking the form of previous characters, the high school, the slayer origins, etc etc. so I just think this idea would work so much better with the themes of the season, and tie in really nicely.

and the most obvious perk of this concept is kendra! she was forgotten about so quickly, and this season would really give the writers a chance to redeem themselves for the terrible way poc characters have been treated throughout the show (ignoring what they did to robin. FUCK that but that’s another conversation). I think the show really downplayed how much kendra’s death would have affected buffy, and seeing the two of them interact after buffy has changed so much and kendra’s still the same would be amazing. there’s also the interesting concept that, having been brought back from the dead, kendra still be 17, and therefore closer in age to dawn than to buffy, which could make for some really nice interactions between the two of them. also of course the biggest most exciting thing is having buffy, faith and kendra all interact. they all represent places on a spectrum in terms of personality, and I would LOVE to see kendra and faith interact and how much of a unit they would likely become as a trio.

there’s also the theme of buffy feeling (and being) alone in this season that would hopefully go away, as she would now have dozens of people who truly understand her, giving her a proper support system which I would love to see (season 7 scoobies can actually eat shit btw <3)

so. was this born out of my hatred for insufferable kennedy and the annoying potentials? yes absolutely. do I now want them to rewrite and re-film the entire last season 20 years later? yes absolutely I’m so glad you understand

side note wouldn’t it be sick if in the final battle there’s just this one slo-mo shot where buffy stakes a vamp and through the dust she sees the first slayer looking at her from across the battlefield before she disappears amongst the fight. WHAT it would literally be awesome hello?!

also also other side note sorry but Mother(TM) nikki wood would NEVER kick buffy out of her own house. fuck them kids fr

#btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs season 7 #buffy season 7 #btvs s7 #nikki wood #robin wood #kendra young #faith lehane #buffy summers #dawn summers #btvs spike #the first #the first evil #btvs meta #buffyverse meta

[dreamlifebunny]

Hi idk if this is a stupid question or not but I just want to know, I saw you had a gifts from the universe post or something like that and it talked about fictional characters and such, so with that does that mean I can manifest a fictional character into my reality? Like this reality? I was always told I couldn't do that and if I can omg I'm gonna cry happy tears haha 😭💖

hi hi! not a stupid question at ALL, seriously! you absolutely frickin' can manifest a fictional character in your reality! 🥰 isn't that so exciting!? your childhood dreams are about to pop off hehe. this is a much longer post than i expected because i kinda just rant, but i hope it's helpful.

so, i found reality shifting through the self-ship community, then i found law of assumption through the reality shifting community, and then found non-dualism through the law of assumption community. if there is ONE thing i want everyone to take away from ANY of these teachings/communities (regardless of which ones you follow and resonate with) it is that anything that you can imagine, you can experience.

we are the creators. we are the experiencers. we are. the thing about "fictional characters" is that, as the creators of our lives, we as humans have also created whole other worlds with lore and characters, right? if you are aware of the these worlds, their lore, their wonderful characters, then they absolutely exist, right now, because they were created by us. if you are holding them in your imagination, they are here, because you as imagination is all that there is. and that means, if you are imagining them to be in your "real world" reality, then they can absolutely show up here.

now if someone told you that you can't manifest fictional characters into your reality and they were in the law of assumption community, they do not understand what the law of assumption is all about. i mean, it's in the name of the teaching, "assumption," right? what you ASSUME to be true, will be true. if you assume that fictional characters can come into your reality, then that'll be true! eep i'm getting so exciting even just thinking about this, haha! i have nothing but respect and love for the reality shifting community because they opened up my societally-conditioned perspective to a lot of possibilities and changes, but a lot of people in the shifting community have many limiting beliefs about what is possible. the truth is, if you can shift your consciousness to be in a "fictional" freaking world, then you can do just about anything in this world too, right? people believe that they can shift to entirely "made up" worlds that they script, but they don't believe that they can alter their "current reality" with the same scripting techniques, even though they absolutely can and none of it is different from reality shifting to a "fake" world. it's all possible, regardless of the reality you are experiencing!

as proof from my own experience, i actually have a fictional character i brought into my life! in my case, i was hyperfixating on this fictional character who was an absolutely nasty evil dirt bag but i was sooo in love with him (classic lmao). in the beginning i wasn't even trying to bring him here, i was just trying to "reality shift" to meet him and come back to my "current reality" where i was safe because i knew he was a toxic man i should have no business being with haha. i knew i didn't want him in my reality because he was, well, evil, but i did wanna visit him and hang in a "different reality" for a period of time. i always told myself, "i wish there was a version of this character that would just love the shit out of me and not be so evil, one that i actually would love to have around every day..." and every night i would try to reality shift to a world to hang out with him despite this thought in my head. i never felt disappointed when i woke up in my CR because the joy i had was in visualizing hanging out before bed. it felt really real in the moment, just daydreaming and feeling silly and sweet, and it brought me so much happiness - as daydreams should!

i never ended up shifting my awareness to that reality, because something even better happened. since i imagined meeting him and spending time with him every night and persisted in the idea that i would eventually reality shift, i ended up manifesting a person into my life who had every quality that i loved in the evil character WITHOUT the evilness, and he ended up being my best friend and one of my partners! this person showed up in my life and completely flipped my world around, bring me everything that the fictional character had brought me in my imagination. like, everything, minus the bad stuff that i didn't want. it was the first case of manifesting that i had ever been super conscious of achieving, and it changed my whole perspective on the practice. i also immediately stopped caring about the old character i had been manifesting because i was so obsessed with this new person in my life LOL. it was pure magic!!

now, i realize that this is not at exact example of your question, as you're asking if you can bring a fictional character into this reality exactly as they are. and guess what? you absolutely can. the only reason i didn't bring this exact character into my reality was because i wanted a different version of him to show up, but if i had wanted him to show up exactly as he was, he would have! i wanted to give you this as an example of something like this so you can see the possibilities, but don't let the fact that it wasn't the exact fictional character deter you - my fictional person showed up exactly as i wanted him to, and yours can too! you can even make them better! 😎 hehe

this was a long-assed post, but i hope it brought some joy and excitement. please remember: you can do, be, and have any frickin' thing you want in this life, if your beautiful mind can dream it up! dream beautiful dreams and know that absolutely everything is possible! so much love 💗

#long assed post #so sorry lol #CAN YOU TELL I'M FUCKING HYPE #hehe #bunny's asks #bunny's originals

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

I think Taylor points to these references purposefully so who knows if any of this bothers her but I have just noticed such an intense turn around from swifties previously needing to defend that Taylor’s music is about so much more than men to now hypothetical, but ultra specific moments in her relationships being the topic of like, almost all song discussion. It’s not coming from an intentionally sexist place anymore, but still feels…odd.

I've been seeing much of this today and unsurprisingly I have some opinions on this. And it is okay if your opinions are different and it's also okay to acknowledge there's 23948723894732 shades of nuance when it comes to the emotional intent that we bring to the table when we talk about Taylor's music (or anyone's really, but obviously we're in the TS fandom here and talking about a very clearly personal and detail-oriented body of work).

Imo - Taylor writes songs to understand herself. And she then puts that work out into the world to have other people understand her and to have a tangible artifact of her experiences as a permanent record to validate that what she feels and what she has gone through is real and to have people perceive that and gain an understanding of her life. And then we as consumers of said art get to take those songs and feel less alone in the world because we see ourselves in those songs and can feel the gentle, ghostlike presence of a person we do not know affirming to us across the ether through this beautiful thing they've created that they've gone through something similar. And that bonds us and that's part of what makes Taylor's work so vivid and so personal for a lot of us. And then we also have the added gift of being able to take songs written about her experiences and shape and mould them to fit the contours of the lives we have lived that have nothing to do with the song's original intent.

"Tied Together With A Smile" is about Taylor's friend in high school experiencing an eating disorder and it's about my lifelong body issues and disordered relationship with food.

"tolerate it" is about a relationship that Taylor experienced with a partner who never fully appreciated her or saw her and it's about coming out to my parents and then never talking about it ever again and blatantly ignoring a part of my identity I wanted to share with them.

"Better Man" is about a relationship that Taylor experienced at the hands of someone who did horrible things to her that made it impossible for her to trust him and love him and it's about my mom and how I will always yearn to have a closer relationship with her but I know it will always be just out of our grasp.

I see my best friend's ex-boyfriend in "peace". I see the guy who stood me up on my 20th birthday in "The Moment I Knew." I see my ex-girlfriend in "The Way I Loved You".

I can layer all of my personal experiences on top of the topography that her discography has given me and they can feel 100x more nostalgic and sentimental because I'm able to understand the complexity, nuance, and humanity of Taylor's world as she writes it because I care about her! I want to know those things about her! I want to know what she's gone through! I want to feel her feelings! I feel connected to her and to her art and to myself through her music! I can feel all those tender things about my life and the smell of the air and what I was wearing and what address I was living at the first time I listened to these songs BECAUSE IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE. IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE.

#opinion

[dice-wizard]

Hello everyone looking for a new fantasy tabletop game!

As it nears backer release, there's never been a better time to pre-order Exalted: Essence

Pre-ordering gets you access to the beta document and the early release backer pdf.

What's Exalted you ask?

Exalted is an epic fantasy TTRPG where players play the titular Exalted - humans elevated to superhuman/demigod status - in a wild and unique setting that draws inspiration from the ancient world rather than medieval Europe. Creation (the setting) draws key inspirations from the entire world. If you're used to having to make yourself visible on your own in other fantasy, there's probably some representation in Exalted.

It has explicit queer and trans themes about finding your people, creating your own identity, and having the power to punch back at the people who hate you. This isn't incidental. The writing staff is queer as hell. You can hear me break this down more here.

Curious to learn all you can? Well you can get a detailed overview of the entire game on the podcast Systematic Understanding of Everything hosted by myself, @presidentofbirds and @phillycuriosity

If I'm used to D&D 5e why should I pick this up?

Well, I presume if you're reading this post you're already interested in trying something new, so:

The entire game in one book. Exalted: Essence is self contained, character types, equipment, enemies and all!

An exciting style of fantasy that's different than classic D&D but like, textually gay, and very easy to have scenes like ballroom fights, epic galas, and touching homoerotic healing scenes - no house rules required.

But also, tactical depth and combat you can really sink your teeth into if fighting monsters and villains is your bag.

An excuse to use all your d10s at once

Character building and advancement mechanics designed to be familiar to a 5e audience. Characters "level up" based on story beats, and have Advantages, which are functionally similar to class and race features.

A world welcoming to most heroic archetypes, so it's easy to convert your favorite OC.

Extremely kissable dragons, demons, gods, elementals, ghosts, faeries, and unnamed ancient horrors

I'm a fan of a previous edition, what's Essence got for me?

Design focused on alleviating some of the previous versions' missteps

Virtues are back, baby

2e fans will find it an improvement from second edition's mechanical strengths - it's pretty easy to convert all your favorite 2e Charms to XS.

Streamlined versions of familiar rules to make it painless to introduce new friends to the game we love.

The Cliff's notes on Ex3's new Exalt types.

Did I mention it's all of Exalted in one book?

How does it play?

d10 dice pool looking for 7,8,9 as successes. 10s count as two successes, which can lead to explosive, heroic outcomes

Combat system designed to keep all players engaged the entire time - even characters who aren't focused on fighting at all.

Combat also narrows the gap between experienced and new players and players who want to win at RPGs and players who just wanna vibe so GMs aren't tearing their hair out trying to balance encounters.

Social system designed to resolve in a single roll so you can be immersed in role play and not interrupt it with constant rolling - without sacrificing a variety of social approaches

"Ventures" system for characters working on long term projects from traveling across the world to crafting magical wonders to building communities without forcing this to be "downtime" activity

Characters have access to Charms - exception-based special powers that make them extremely good at whatever they focus on.

It's easily my favorite game (and the project I developed that I'm the proudest of), so I'm excited for everyone to try it out.

#TTRPG #Ttrpg recommendation #exalted #Exalted Essence #d&d #dnd #dnd characters #d&d 5e #Exalted RPG #dnd 5e #dungeons and dungeons #dungeons & dragons #exalted rpg #ttrpg #podcast #fuck wizards of the coast #Try a new game! How about this one? #Cmon in the water is fine #ttrpgs #tabletop rpg #tabletop games #tabletop role playing game #tabletop #tabletop roleplaying #onyx path publishing

[shifuto]

come here for a second while I psychoanalyze the Sargasso episodes

this is mostly about Astral, but there will be things about Vector and Yuma too (screenshots from episodes 96 to 98)

Vector was terrible, but he was right

if you don't think too deeply about it, you might miss this whole macabre undertone in Astral's very existence

so.. we don't get to know Astral and Yuma are the same person until the last episodes. Their Zexal morph is a very good hint though!

some points to take into consideration regarding them:

Yuma and Astral's relationship is borderline co-dependent (even more so on Yuma's side, considering his age and attachment style);

Astral was shoved on Earth and forced to stay by his side, risking his own life to recover the Numbers. Yuma's dad was the one who set that in motion by modifying Astral's "programming" and giving Yuma the Emperor's Key - that Astral himself gave Kazuma - and the Key set Astral "free" but causing his amnesia;

the fact that they have been one person is not the problem. Now that they are separated, they have lives of their own. Is it "fair" or "right" to mingle those lives, feelings and experiences into a sole unit again though? What happens with their own singular existences?

2 halves of 1 whole means they're both "incomplete"...... or are they?

Astral never had any will of his own. All this time, he's been bound by his mission. I don't think he's "emotionless" because he's from Astral World (plenty of people there as emotional as humans), it's probably because he is a weapon

he learned a lot of typically "positive" emotions through living around humans - more indirectly, by observing and watching in general; and also directly, thanks to Yuma, his friends and family - and, although, he had also experienced typically "negative" emotions, those were quickly shutdown, resolved or reframed

what Vector did, when he planted those seeds of discord, was to get Astral to face those "negative" emotions without any immediate way to diffuse them

what happens when an individual that is supposed to remain pure and impartial, keeping his feelings in check and using neutrality as much as possible, is driven into an emotional corner? What happens when this individual is pushed to experience conflict - and a very harsh one at that - when he's never had the tools or expertise to deal with it, since he was never really allowed to feel it?

Vector calls for Astral's "free will" knowing he had little to none at that point

his manipulation succeeded because, as Astral was the pillar of support in his relationship with Yuma, and Yuma was unstable with the whole betrayal drama - which, ironically, he also did to Astral, although it was more of a "lie by omission" - Astral did not have anyone close enough (other than Yuma) to support him, and Yuma was now a "liar"

Astral was alone, what a mess!

yes, Astral could have simply brushed it aside and thought about it rationally like he always does, conflict resolution is one of his specialties after all, and it works wonderfully when you're able to put emotions aside and use solely logic

in the end of the day, he would understand why Yuma did that, he would take Yuma's point of view, personality and own issues into account, and he would forgive him - as he did anyway!

he would have not looked into himself though so... Vector asking those questions was maleficent in essence, due to his intentions, but it also served to make Astral face his feelings

and Astral breaks, of course he does

...

one thing that really bothers me now, going through these scenes again with a different mind and thoughts, is how they handled Astral after: everything went "back to normal" and when something similar would happen again - Astral imbued with Number 96's Chaos that other time - Astral went the self-sacrifice route (probably part of his "programming", if I were to guess) as he always have done. Little to no regards to his own self

again and again and again he just pushes himself into neutrality and completing a task - hell, he can't even feel anything that isn't the most wholesome and healthy emotions without that throwing him for a loop, with a risk of him going berserk again, who even knows?

also greatly dislike how feelings of anger, being betrayed, sadness and hurt, are painted as "evil", literally

that is the whole premise of Chaos as the "enemy" after all: while Astral World is "pure" with only "acceptable" emotions, Barian World accepts the full scope, focusing on the sadness, the hurt and the anger.. understandably so

this scene is fantastic and really hits the nail on the head:

yes, Astral, Yuma did something terrible

many other terrible things too

you didn't get angry, how could you? After all, Yuma didn't mean it!

there we go: Vector played him like a fiddle

he knew exactly where to go and what buttons to push - for both Yuma and Astral - and he absolutely nailed it

even though it was the Barian power who caused them to split and Astral to lose control. That power is Chaos, it's all these "negative" emotions Astral literally cannot feel fully because they are fatal to him

what's really interesting though? This is his own inner voice:

it was the first time we heard Astral talk to himself like that - notice how deeper it sounds, much like Number's 96 voice (96 would be Astral's Chaos counterpart, I guess)

and then finally...

oh, now this is fun

I can see 2 things here:

Astral wants to become whole and/or

this is pure power lust (since he is stronger as Zexal)

this scene with Yuma bothers me a little but I get it: they're the same guy and Astral is an alien so it makes sense that Yuma would be able to "access" his heart, now... what he does, although it's a very "Yuma thing", also gets on my nerves but we'll get there when we get there...!

his own words - with a nudge from Vector, of course - man, this was so satisfying to see! Astral recognizing his own feelings, his own pain, not having to immediately make peace with it and just...... feeling these emotions

that's growth, baby!

I also love how he experienced splitting (black and white thinking): can't feel bad emotions at all -> can only feel bad emotions. And hyperbole, over-generalizing: "I can't believe in you anymore."

goodness, I love the immediate change in his tone when Yuma calls out to him: he's back using his soft monotone voice, tinged with a bit of curiosity

and he slowly...

... descent into madness...

... as he speaks about his feelings. I dare to say this was the most expressive Astral has ever been (and it's a shame we don't get to see such huge variety in his facial and body expressions for the rest of the show)

Astral goes back and forth in his exchange with Yuma here: a soft tone when answering directly to Yuma's feelings, just to be swept away by his own frenzy again

it's a really lovely contrast, and I wonder if it was on purpose? Even when lost within himself, he still directs gentleness towards Yuma; even when his very words bring Yuma to tears, he does it kindly.. sort of

we love to see it! And it was power lust after all

now.. let's talk about Yuma a bit, shall we?

Yuma is stubborn

that's kind of.. his whole gimmick with his "kattobingu" and everything. He will get what he wants with the power of friendship and being obstinate to the point of annoying. Unsurprisingly, it does work well for him! He managed to change and befriend, virtually, all characters he have met who showed any kind of animosity towards him or someone else

the flip-side is that he will not take "no" for an answer, will he? Like how he managed to break Ryoga in, by being extremely persistent on wanting to be friends...

... or when he jumped off a window to get Astral to stop

he will see the "good" in everyone and he will push his ideals and kindheartedness with no regards for the other person's wishes. It's really bothersome because it's genuine

too much of "too good" can be very toxic though and, ironically, Astral's predicament is good proof of that. But how can he blame Yuma? How can anyone blame him at all?

he did what was "right" in his heart and had no ill-intent. His naive nature makes him extremely easy to manipulate and he can be driven into corners having to make hard choices he will not be able to make (such as which friends will he be able to save? So many of his foes exploited this very weakness of his)

...

at last, forgiveness:

... and we're back to the "good" X "evil" dichotomy...

this is precisely why Astral World is dying (but they will only realize that later in the show), and why the Barians are trying so hard to save their own world: the "villains" are trying to survive, and the "heroes" are imposing their own wishes over everyone else - how ironic, considering the protagonist and main "hero" is famous for doing exactly that aha!

so the lesson to be learned after all this:

yes, that's the point!

this is a good thing, actually. Astral is capable of experiencing emotions, all of them! He grew and he became stronger than before, this is why they managed to evolve their Zexal form

to me, this was a massive step in completely "separating" Astral's existence from Yuma's, meaning: Astral existing as his own person

unfortunately, the show did not explore that development much further, and like I said earlier, everything went "back to normal" in a way or another

I guess.. uhh... it was probably good that Astral went back to Astral World in the end, after all. He was in his own world, not bound by Yuma or the Emperor's Key anymore, and he was living his own life independently

and an addendum: while Zexal 1st was more alike Yuma, Zexal 2nd was more alike Astral! Probably because the scales were tipping to his side more, due to everything that has happened. I think it's interesting and makes me wonder how Astral would look like as a "human" (2nd looks close enough to me)

also big shoutouts to Mizael for hating Vector's gut. Me too, mate, me too LMAO

Vector is probably the most intelligent character in this whole show, he was written brilliantly and the fact that he doubles down and keep on "betraying" people, just makes him so much more interesting

he is vicious and remorseless, and these are some of the things that make him such a wonderful villain. You really get to see him and his fiendish mind shine in these episodes

...

if you read until here, congratulations! You are very cool yay <3

#ygo #zexal #yugioh zexal #ygo zexal #yugioh #shif writes #long post

[witchyfemking]

🌹🐉Queen/Mother Lilith master-post 🐍🦇

DISCLAIMER

There are many people saying that working with Queen Lilith is closed, id ask that you please go to the last link. A Jewish content creator goes into detail about why 1.) That's false and 2.) Why claiming this is actually antisemitic.

I understand that this deity may hold a negative context to different people/cultures(i.e. people of Jewish culture)/faiths etc. Please be respectful and mindful. Both the people and the divinity have the right to respect. Just because a divinity/entity has been the best thing in the world to you, doesn’t mean that’s the case for someone else(vice versa). Thank you for your consideration.

Mother Lilith is a divinity that I hold very dear. She has been a big help to me and has guided me in my journery of self love and reparenting myself.

Lore/mythology (briefly summarized)

Lilith originally was the first wife of Adam; made from the same primordial matter as her counterpart by the one who created her. She has left the garden in anger because she refused to lay under Adam; Lilith wanted to be seen as Adams equal but he refused. God sent angels to take Lilith back to Eden at Adam’s request. She was located near/in/at the Red Sea. Her children had been slain because of her refusal to return. ( I have heard conflicting info from different sources but I’ll recall what I think is to be more accurate at this point). Some of the fallen angels (a big figure being Lord Lucifer) had made themselves acquainted with her and they had gained each others’ trust. This is the point where Lilith had became a demon and was at least set on the path to becoming a highly ranked Infernal deity(if not at this point already). Lilith at some point after this whispered empowering thoughts into Eve during her dreams; leading her to eat the fruit.

Lilith also has an aspect tied to the Mesopotamian demon Lilitu.

Signs/Symbols of Queen Lilith(some i’ve personally experienced as well):

Snake imagery

Birds( robins, cardinals, blue jays, doves, owls or any corvid/black bird) I’d like to mention that she left me a robin who had passed, cause she knew I’d give it a proper burial.

Witnessing any of her other sacred animals (mentioned below) or frequently seeing imagery of them

Me and other devotees of hers have known her to send really animal that’s black as signs

rose imagery

sudden interest in her

sudden yearning desire to explore oneself/identity

speaking up/ standing up for yourself in circumstances in which you normally wouldn’t

for uterus owners; in my personal experience she had gotten terribly frustrated that i wasn’t noticing her so she started affecting my ‘moon cycle’. I experienced irregularities, increased pain and moodiness. I also got much more fatigued during my time of the month in the time she was trying to get my attention. She may or may not feel the need to do something of this fashion to get your attention; My only assumption that she did so in my case is because I was extremely oblivious. However I highly implore you discuss things with your doctor before concluding that this is the cause.

You may notice the wind howling louder

Vampiric/Succubus imagery/energy

Draconic and/or primordial energy

Energy of water or the ocean

Feeling of not necessarily one certain element (maybe all of them together)

feelings of a motherly energy

dreams/visions of red or dark haired woman( i’ve honestly had her appear to me as blonde). She may be a witch, possibly a queen. She could be protecting you during the experience ( if you’re on her good side ofc)

Sacred animals of Queen Lilith

Snakes

Dragons

Hyenas

Cats of various kinds ( domestic, wild, especially with black or dark coats)

Ostriches

Spiders

Unicorns

Owls

Goats

Bats

What does Queen Lilith specialize in? What can she help you with?

taking back your power

shadow work ( specifically the feminine side of the side)

tapping into/ welcoming your dark feminine energy

welcoming dark femme energy into your life

dark femme workings

defends women/femmes and children who’ve suffered abuse(especially s3xually)

Improving sexual relationships

asserting independence

support in women/womxn’s/femmes rights

fighting oppression/sexisim placed on women/fem identifying people by the patriarchy(or in general)

assistance in gaining respect and/or recognition for contributions

exploring/awakening sexuality (especially if you need assistance with you libido)

sex magic ( more specifically feminine dominance)

Assistance with menstrual magic/spells/rituals

Help in any women/female health issues ( menstrual issues, moods swings, feritility, MtF/FtM etc.)

( i recommend you be treated by a medical professional along with the last point; mundane before magical; magic/spirituality shouldn’t be used in place of medical treatment, simply as support.)

Correspondences/ Offerings

Herbs/Plants/Scents:

Belladonna (POISONOUS)

Nightshade (POISONOUS)

Mugwort ( still use with caution)

Sandalwood(Red + White)

Patchouli

Rose

Jasmine

Lotus

Dragon’s Blood

Cinnamon

Olibanum

Camphor

Myrrh

Jasmine

Frankincense

Amber

Saffron

Crystals:

Onyx

Fire opal

Diamond

Ruby

Obsidian

Topaz

Red Jasper

Red Carnelian

Black Moonstone

Black tourmaline

Jet

Garnet

Clear quartz

Food/Drink:

Chocolate ( Especially anything Dark and/or spicy )

Lime

Pumpkins/ Gourds(idk if gourds are edible tho, but to a deity it doesn’t matter lmao)

Red velvet sweets

Chocolate cake

In my personal experience, she loved these Sriracha Peanut Butter Chocolate Cupcakes I used to be able to get.

Spicy foods

Apples

Pomegranates/Pomegranate juice

Colors:

Black

Reds (Especially blood red or velvet tone)

Purple

Orange

Gold

Magenta

Dark pink

Silver

Dark Grey

Time/Days:

Wednesday

Friday

Witching hour (either Midnight or anytime 3-4 am)

Dark/New Moon phase

Beltane Sabbat/May Day ( sexual theme of the holiday)

Oct. 24 ( some sources claim this is the day Lilith left Eden)

Feb 29 (on leap year. Woman are known to break traditional norms during this time)

Miscellaneous:

Empress (Tarot)

High Priestess (Tarot)

Moon ( Tarot)

Strength (Tarot)

Any Queen Card ( More Specifically to my UPG, Swords and Wands suits)

Air and Fire are her main elements. However, she does not limit herself to one specific element, she has traits of all.

Vampiric/Succubus energy

Draconic/Primordial Energy

What is she like?

To me, Lilith is very much like a mother. Im sure you could probably guess by how I addressed her in the beginning of this post( which I call her Mother Lilith for personal reasons). She very much holds the energy of a firm mother who cares very much for her children. Lilith is very much stern when she feels the need, but knows when you need her to be gentle. Many times she has been a source of comfort and encouragement for me. If you show her the decency and respect she deserves, she will give it to you in return. If she sees you as her child (or holds you dear in anyway) she will go to distant lengths to protect you or to show your abusers not to mess with you again ( at times on her own accord). There are times where she made things difficult for people who wronged me on her own(probably a lot more I don’t know about). Mother Lilith is extremely supportive and will be there when needed, but she will not coddle you. She will not baby you. I see a lot of practitioners say “ she wont hold your hand” that’s true in a sense. Yes there are things you need to face alone, but a mother wont deny holding your hand if needed, she just wont do things for you. She will empower you to do things with independence. Lilith is definitely the kind of mentor to give you a rude wake up call when you’re not acting like yourself or doing things that wont benefit yourself or others. She is not afraid to be mean and wicked with you if need be.

Lilith’s energy generally feels airy and fiery. She carries herself regally and a sense of pride. Like i’ve mentioned, she doesn’t necessarily tie herself to one element, I’ve felt energy of all elements come from her, I assume this comes from her shapeshifting nature.

Sources and links

My own personal experience and UPG

Lilith Queen of the Night

Lilith and Witchcraft

Lilith: The Demonic Paradise Wiki

Lilith ( Occult world entry)

Tumblr users entry on Queen Lilith (i’ve honestly had a rocky history with the author of this post, I hadn’t realized who this was until after I recorded the information, but I still am going to give them credit where it’s due because it’s only right and their post gives solid information)

https://occult-world.com/lilith/

#queen lilith #lilith #demonology #demonolatry #lady lilith #demon #witchcraft #infernal divine #infernal #infernal deity #vampiric #deity work #witchblr #divination #omnist #omnist witch #witch

[chaotic-multi-fandom]

Something that I love and appreciate about Ash Lynx that I don't see many people talking about is his lack of desire for personal revenge. It's such a small and obvious detail, that I don't think we stop to think about it enough, but Ash is not consumed by revenge. Even after everything that happened to him, we never see him express a desire to kill or torture Dino, or anyone else who hurt him, we just wants to be free. Even with researching banana fish he's just trying to figure out what's wrong with his brother so that he can cure him, his motive is never revenge. Wanting to destroy and make Dino suffer would be a completely understandable reaction, yet all he wants to do is prevent other children from experiencing the same things he did.

The only times we see Ash express a desire for revenge, is when people he loves are hurt. This is seen several times with Eiji, such as when he's shot and he chases the men and shoots them with rage in his eyes, or when Shorter dies and he kills Dawson as he begs for mercy. This is why at the start I emphasised *personal revenge*. But I just think that his overall lack of thirst for revenge and just deep desire to be free is an extremely important facet of his character, that really just highlights who he is on the inside beyond all the violence and suffering, and is also very telling of his strength.

This is also one of the reasons why I dislike the "yut lung is just ash without eiji" rhetoric, because I feel like it does such a disservice to both their characters. Yes, they've lived through similar trauma and are in several ways parallels to each other, but they're different people with or without someone to support them. First of all, before Eiji, Ash did have someone, Shorter, and he had other people he cared about such as Skipper and his gang. Obviously none where as influencial or life changing as Eiji was, but painting him as being completely alone before meeting Eiji simply isn't true. Secondly, Ash and Yut lung are very separate people with separate personalities and with indivual nuances to their stories despite their similarites. One of these is the desire for revenge. As I established Ash isn't consumed by personal revenge, but Yut Lung very much is, his entire first arc is his search for revenge agaisnt his own brothers, whom he wants to kill.

Yut Lung isn't Ash without Eiji, he's just Yut Lung. He's a different person with different responses and reactions to the world around him, and of course, having someone to love and care for him would be monumental, but he'd still be a completely different character to Ash, and in my personal opinion, would have a harder time accepting that love than him (as we see briefly with his connection with Sing).

Of course there's also differences in their stories that I think are worth noting. I won't do it on this post because frankly I've been procrastinating making lunch and I need to do that rn. But reducing Yut Lungs's character to an "ash without eiji" is truly tragic in my opinion, and not only a disservice to him as a character but also to his story. Yut lung isn't just there to be a parallel to Ash, and I feel like we sometimes forget that. Anyway I'll get more into the nuances of Yut lung's character, and the nuances of his and Ash's stories and they way they both parallel and differ from each other if y'all want. If not I'll probably forget, and it'll just live in my mind, keeping me awake at 4 am.

#banana fish #banana fish rant #banana fish analysis #ash lynx #eiji okumura #ash and eiji #yut lung lee #ash lynx appreciation #yut lung lee appreciation #tw sa #tw violence #anime

[navstuffs]

The Tragedy of Leon S. Kennedy

Pairing: Leon S. Kennedy x GN!Reader

Summary: When your partner Leon. S Kennedy disappears after investigating an old laboratory facility, you take matters into your own hands.

Warning tags: ANGST HORROR, 16+, hurt/some comfort, infected!leon

Author's Notes: it seems every time i write an angst fanfic, i challenge myself on how can i make it worse next time(emptiness, creep). this fic is based on this fanart by @hurrakka, thank you so much for letting me write about it! also thanks for the support @90sbee and my husband, who gave their insightful opinions <333. enjoy!!

my halloween's masterlist

The world is unfair. Cruel. Brutal, cold, and heartless. To some more than the others. 

Take a look at Leon S Kennedy's life, for example. For someone who always fought for others and kept the weak protected even in his lowest moments, moments that he didn't believe he could do, where he couldn't believe in himself, his life seems unfair. 

A man who had never had a chance to do HOW he desired. Especially on saving lives. He wanted to help people, but not like that. Leon S. Kennedy could have been a teacher, a firefighter, or a cook. They help people in their own way. But no life is unfair. Stuck into a job he was forced to. How much helping and constantly fighting a battle couldn't destroy a man? How much is given? How much is enough?

Until Leon Kennedy disappeared. The last contact was in an old laboratory facility, deactivated long ago.

One would think the disbelief over their best U.S. agent not returning would have made the efforts to locate him fast, but no. None of his direct superiors seemed to give a damn about it. Who would have thought Leon Kennedy would vanish like that? Because the word infected never came into anyone's mind.

Maybe he had run away. He seems to deserve it, right? Leon had found happiness with that mysterious black-haired agent he kept encountering and decided to run away with her. Living on a remote island where misery and unfairness couldn't touch him. Where the government couldn't use him anymore.

That's what the ones closest to him wanted to believe. It is way easier to imagine Leon with his swimsuit sunglasses, drinking a piña colada, sunbathing, and relaxing.

If life had any decency in being fair, that's what should have happened.

They strongly advised you not to go there. Your superiors thought this whole mission would be a waste of time. Agent Kennedy considered M.I.A. now was, yes, one of the greatest, if not the best, agent they had ever had. Still, your superiors couldn't waste any more resources on finding Agent Kennedy as if they ever tried. As if they cared about him in the first place.

It had to be your close relationship and accomplishments with Leon Kennedy as your partner that allowed you to take five people whom you could trust. And some big name helped your case up in the hierarchy.

Your official mission was to search for what they did in that laboratory and find a cure. It's always about a cure. Your unofficial one? Find what the heck happened to Agent Kennedy. 

When you arrive at the old laboratory facility, you understand the place is a maze. With numerous floors underground, you went in the front as the most experienced and the leader of that mission.

"Are you really willing to sacrifice the life of five agents for one?" 

As you and your team start going down more levels, it is clear how easy it is to get lost in that place. You don't even know why and how they sent Leon alone here for the first time, especially with the amount of infected appearing from different rooms attracted by the lights and sounds. Your team takes it one by one quick, but it's clear as day no one was supposed to come to this place in the first place.

As you start going down more levels, the amount of Infected rises. You try to think like Leon would like he taught you: search for any way to get into their plans, the most secure way to get there without putting your team at risk. 

You finally get to an open and dark area where the number of infected practically lessens. Zeroes. 

There is no sound ahead of you, and the air becomes stagnated. Something is down there: waiting and observing your group. You warn your team to pay attention when you hear shots from behind you, followed by a horrified scream and someone getting ripped apart. Then, just darkness and the same silence as before.

That can't be a normal infected. You have read about this: some infected are different and showcase special abilities, making them harder, almost impossible, to kill. You dash to the back, where your team member disappeared, pointing the flashlight to the walls. You see a black mass moving away inside the darkness, too fast for you to reach. 

Before you can assess the situation, the team member in front gets suddenly dragged away without even screaming. You go into high alert mode, warning your team to focus on any signs of this Infected, clearly faster than the normal ones. 

Maybe the answer to what happened to Leon.

One by one, the rest of your team members get taken down. You don't know what or where to shoot. This Infected had to be at least uncommon or Special. With no other option, you and the last team member run away. You tell him to run first, protecting his back, squinting your eyes so you could see. 

When you are almost on the 3rd floor, the special infected pounces above your head, immediately killing your team member with its giant claw. It has the body format of a human, making sure the claw is pierced all the way down inside the body. It makes no sound, his back toward you, a low growl echoing in the darkness. 

You gulp, slowly raising your flashlight as the monster turns in your direction, looking directly at you.

It is Leon.

Except it isn't Leon anymore. Whatever was left of him was gone, infected by this virus. 

Instead of an arm, a huge black claw comes from his sleeve, long enough to almost drag across the floor, and another grows from his other sleeve. You bite your lip, holding back a sob or a scream, watching his pale skin. How long has he been here? Leon retracts his lips, growling low, his blue eyes more yellow now. 

In a perilous situation, some people flee or fight. Some beg. You decide to do the most illogical thing.

"Leon?" 

You want to say there is a sign of recognition as if Leon S. Kennedy is still there, though deep down, you know it is impossible. Your partner. Your friend. The man you admire. He shouldn't have ended like this. The tears come out of your eyes, but Leon doesn't stop, moving toward you.

"LEON!"  

Nothing. You dragged your team down here, and Leon killed them all. How selfish. You deserve to die for what you did. And if Leon ever came to his senses, this would have destroyed him.

An unfair mission to save a man who never deserved to die. 

Life is so fucking stupid.

You start shooting through Leon's head, momentarily stopping him. Your only chance is to escape him because you don't think you can kill him. 

You dash, passing Leon, but you know you can't outrun him for long. Maybe you deserve him piercing your body with his claws.

For some reason, Leon stayed stuck in this facility. Maybe Leon is trying to keep himself down there, not to hurt anyone because he is still deep in that creature, a small part of him, and you brought people to be killed in a vain attempt to save him.

You have to find some sanity in this madness. A reason to continue fighting. 

You communicated through the comms a single word: "Extermination."

It is what Leon would have wanted, it is what you deserve. You just have to keep them in there until it happens. 

Those are the longest fifteen minutes of your life. Maybe your superiors knew something beforehand because, by the time the bomb was prepared, it took them less than thirteen minutes. Which made you wonder if they weren't trying to get off you in the first place. 

Less than two minutes now, and your job is entertaining the infected. You disturbed the wasp's nest, you deal with it. Leon is right behind you, taking down infecteds as nothing so he can get to you. You count the seconds for him to pounce and impale you, but he doesn't.

Dying right now would be your biggest reward.

Someone hurries you to get out of there. Do you really deserve it, though? Leon is dead. Your team members died horribly and painfully because of you.

"Do you know what you will do after all of this?" 

It was the end of your first mission with your new partner. You two sit by a cliff, your legs dangling, Leon lying in the grass at your side. Dirty but alive. Maybe a sprain in your ankle, and Leon has his arm in an improvised sling from your shirt, but you live to see another beautiful orange sunset.

"There is an "after" all of this?" Leon jokes, making you giggle. "Get dinner?"

"Yeah? But after all of this? Retiring and moving to a paradise, maybe?"

Leon thinks for a moment, his eyes going to the sky. The helicopter to take you to safety sounds closer when Leon finally answers, the emotions emphasizing every word of his sentence.

"I am going to live."

You make a decision. Less than a minute now for the bomb to blow up.

You are going to live. 

For yourself, for Leon.

With a sudden shot of adrenaline passing through your veins, you run to the exit, not looking back. The thousands of growls and Leon follow you, but you ignore that. Bullets will be useless by the amount you have dragged. Someone on the comms asks your location, and you urge them to throw the bomb no matter what, bringing the zombies closer to the surface. Before you exit, closing the last door behind you, you quickly glance over your shoulder.

It is like those movie scenes when you cross your eyes with someone and have a conversation with them, just with your eyes. Yours cross with Leon's yellow ones, and in that milli second, before you close the door behind you, you ask for forgiveness. You apologize for bringing your team members into your mess. You tell him you shouldn't live, but you will. You tell him how much you love him. You apologize that the world never treated him with kindness.

The door closes behind you, and you continue running, hearing the jets getting closer. 9, 8, 7…

The roar in the door sounds like a scream. As if Leon is telling you to escape, to forget about him and not look back.

At precisely one second, when the door finally can't take it anymore, and you are meters away, three bombs get thrown, exploding the facility and everything inside. With the blast, you hit your head when you get pushed by the explosion.

You turn around, still lying down, stomach up, to look at the sky, breathing deeply. It is still blue, but you can't see stars with the smoke left by the bombs; you are like that empty sky right now, no stars, no moon, nothing. 

"I am going to live." You whisper to the night without stars. As a secret or a broken promise, only time will tell. 

taglist: @daydreamrot, @scar-crossedlvrs, @roseglazedlens, @sarahs-secrets2

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon kennedy fanfic #leon s kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy angst #leon kennedy horror #i promise my other two fics for horror leon are better #missed writing for him so much

[system-of-a-feather]

I’ll bite… why do you feel like endos are real? As they do claim to have a trauma disorder just without the trauma which to me seems pretty ableist or at least disrespectful to DID/OSDD systems.

(LONG POST WARNING)

Well to start, most aren't claiming to have a trauma disorder / DID / OSDD but rather that they experience themselves as more than one and I don't believe that DID / OSDD holds sole ownership to the ability to experience oneself as more than one. A lot of endogenic people knew about their experiences as more than one before really even knowing DID / OSDD existed (or at least past the stigma of "Multiple Personality Disorder" that has no implications to trauma because ya know). I think the term "endogenic" has implications that do a disservice to the group as it kind of implicates innately the idea that trauma is the only inherent way to exist and experience oneself as more than one, when honestly I firmly believe that is not the case.

As to why I firmly believe that it is not the case that trauma and DID/OSDD is not the only way to experience oneself as more than one, there are a number of perspectives I can offer.

From a discussion of the theory of structural dissociation (ToSD) / academic stand point...

the ToSD is not a "Theory" like Gravity and Evolution. The name is actually misleading as it is using Theory in a more colloquial sense; the ToSD when talked about in almost all literature that I've read that references it talks about it as a >model<. The difference between a theory and a model is large.

A theory is something that is constantly and reliably able to be a solid means of not only understanding the world but also predicting large phenomenon. There have been multiple active attempts to disprove it or find flaws in it and none of which have worked. They're age old and have been proven day in and day out to have reliably accounted for every form of discrepancy - at least on a majorly applicable level (as even Gravity seems to have its confusing mishaps when you get to the very high level stuff that I won't even pretend to understand in the slightest as I'm not a physicist).

A model on the other hand is something that is used to best understand, navigate, and conceptualize a concept - often for more practical usage. A model is designed to usually specifically target a specific definition of a phenomenon and experience - and in this case "the dissociation of self of individuals who have experienced trauma and how that causes the phenomenon of alters and dissociated parts". It is not making claims about "the only way for people to experience themselves as more than one" because 1) models don't really intend to be fool proof, they attempt to practically explain and describe an experience in a way that is helpful to apply practically (ie in theraputic practice); by this very nature, the models are suggesting a base framework that often apply and help people who match the specific definition of the phenomenon it is meant to address (ie clients that have gone through trauma and likely have dissociated parts) and 2) the theory is addressing individuals who experience themselves as more than one due to a history of trauma and how that trauma then results in the brain dissociating from itself for survival. It is NOT addressing "all of humanity and human experiences and psychological experiences" - it is just discussing how trauma affects the brain to develop alters. The two discussions and topics are very different and in an academic setting have EXTREMELY different requirements.

Additionally, an issue with the ToSD is that while its a great model for people who have DID/OSDD, it's a laughable theory and hypothesis in most psychological fields that are a lot more into more solid and quantifiable measures. I've actually talked with one of the people that had done research that basically paved the way for children's testimonies of CSA to be taken seriously and accepted in court about the ToSD and they poorly withheld a laugh on the topic. Same said person had actually talked and known either Van Der Hart or Van Der Kolk (they didn't remember which one exactly) and all that. What I got from the conversation with them was that, yes the ToSD works beautifully as a clinical model and it helps a lot of clinicians understand and help people with DID/OSDD navigate their experiences, but the ToSD in a non-clinical academic setting makes SO many assumptions that are absolutely not backed by current more "harder" psychological research that its funny.

There is a LONG list of issues with the assumptions ToSD makes on an academic setting that make it a joke to those on a more non-clinical academic setting but here are a few:

What the FUCK is a "dissociative barrier"? Yes on a clinical sense we know what that is, but where is a "dissociative barrier" in terms of neurology and neurobiology? What functions in memory (both theoretical and physical) actually work to be a "dissociative barrier"? What mechanisms in the brain make it possible? What is a dissociative barrier in terms of developmental psychology and developmeental psychopathology? How is it that trauma manages to "make a dissociative barrier" in children? What concepts of developmental psychology and memory / identity development actually are in play to make this "dissociative barrier"?

Do people even have consciousness - or - more realistically asked, are people actually conscious or do we just feel as if we are conscious? (<- very hot topic in consciousness research in more neuroscience based fields) And assuming we DO have a consciousness, what and where is that located and how does consciousness work on a physiological level in a typically developing child as opposed to a person who experienced trauma? Assuming THAT is figured out, how do we know that that trauma is the only thing that could have caused the consciousness to develop atypically? Additionally, ask all those questions AGAIN for the concept and idea of "identity" as consciousness and identity are two different research topics. Assuming that we DO NOT have a consciousness, how does the false experience of consciousness work and why do we experience it like that? Following from that, why is it that trauma can disrupt and warp that false experience? Additionally, how does it disrupt and warp that false experience? And again, how do we know that trauma is the only thing that can cause that disruption / warping to occur?

My FAVORITE and most frustrating one, but how do we even know we ACTUALLY forget things and what is the mechanism for forgetting things? What IS forgetting? Do we loose neuronal pathways when we forget and is the information truly just gone? Do we just struggle to find the information and thus we fail to recall the information? Then again, all the obvious "okay then how does this mechanism of forgetting get disrupted and warped by trauma".

(added this while writing the third perspective but) How does the modern development and factor of internet usage affect dissociation and any of these mechanisms of developing identity, self, consciousness, memory, etc? How does this new factor impact other neurodivergencies and mental health conditions in regards to that?

None of those questions are well addressed to a standard of research that most non-clinical fields consider ANYWHERE near valid or qualified to make any level of generalizing statements.

I personally largely identify and intend to go into research for developmental psychology / psychopathology after I sort things out in my life some and I LOVE these questions. I have a lot of my own hypothesis as to how those questions are answered and my hypothesis on how those mechanisms are disrupted / develop in children who experience trauma have me almost 100% certain that there are other mechanisms to developing dissociated states of self.

Of course, I'm withholding that from this portion of the discussion because those hypothesises are not founded and again, just sitting in my head rent free until I get to actually research them myself. (Which I do entirely plan to do when I figure my life out more)

From a cultural / spiritual / philosophical standpoint...

The claim that everyone normally experiences themselves as "one" unless trauma occurs seems really honestly White / Western / Christian-centric to me and the idea that the only way to experience themselves as anything other than "the normal experience and development of one person" is to have horrible trauma just... really leaves a shitty taste in my mouth as a person of color.

A large number of non-white non-christian/catholoic centered cultures that have a large emphasis on "the singular soul and repentance" and all that shit have cultural norms and beliefs that already state that it is not weird at all to experience yourself as more than one. As in, there are cultures that ALREADY experience themselves as more than one that have been doing so for AGES before DID/OSDD and hell even MPD were even suggested; ages before the field of psychology was even born.

I personally have a large problem with the claim that people have to have trauma to experience themselves as more than one as it comes off as a very colonizer perspective to experiences that do not inherently have any harm in them (ie experiencing oneself as more than one). Experiencing oneself as more than one (or I guess technically less than one) is something that can be pretty central to a lot of non-white/western cultural experiences and are just an innate part of how they live and life. To state that the only way people can have their culture is to be traumatized (which is the indirect claim being made when the claim that the only way to experience oneself as more than one is through trauma) is just... really disgusting and white-colonizer brained.

Personally, as a Buddhist, I inherently don't subscribe to the idea that there even is a "me" and a "you". I inherently believe that the concept of "being one person" is a means of suffering that people benefit from unlearning as the concept of identity and self does little more than restrict our natural means of existing and thus causes large suffering. As a result, I don't see myself or anyone else as "more or less" than one because the concept, in my spiritual-philosophical-cultural perspective, is not real and anything reinforcing it is not really dpoing anyone huge favors. As a result, I think everyone is everything and everyone is parts of a whole of everything. I think we experience ourselves as one because that is part of the natural expression of our existence. I also think we experience ourselves as more than one because - sometimes - that is just a natural expression of our existence. I ALSO think we experience ourselves as more than one because sometimes that is a good way to understand our natural selves and learn from the parts we are otherwise more disconnected from. A part of Buddhist practice is the dismantling of this concept of self and moving your perception of self away from the way you experience life and the world.

At the place where I am in my practice, the very essence of syscourse is really kind of silly to me because it's like arguing about the color of the blue-black / white-gold dress. Talking and debating it and investigating the question can lead good insights into our experiences and how we approach them, but in the end of the day, the thing we are discussing is an illusion and the effects it has on us and why we see it that way and its not really something any more important or impactful or worth sweating over than a fun thought experiment.

From an advocate standpoint...

A large part of the people who are endogenic are people who are also neurodivergent and/or experiencing notable mental health issues - those of which are not fully 100% investigated into how they affect the development of large topics like self, memory, etc. AND are very diverse and complex experiences. I don't think we should be telling someone who thinks that their experiences of being more than one is tied to their neurodivergency or other mental health conditions that they are wrong and should experience themselves differently - especially since dissociation is honestly pretty prominent in the AuDHD branch of disorders and I personally think it is hard to conclusively say that some level of experiencing oneself as more than one is related to having AuDHD. (not saying that it is either, just that its such a large topic that needs more exploration before I'd feel confident saying that AuDHD doesn't cause some form of experiences that one might experience as being more than one).

I personally see very little purpose and value within infighting of mentally ill groups and clusters when almost every disorder needs more research - particularly in a lens that is not white-western centered and interested in a more sociological / cultural lens.

I find no threat in people experiencing themselves as more than one as someone who has DID / OSDD anymore than I feel threat at otherkin for experiencing themselves as a non-human as someone who acts, lives, and behaves like a bird because of trauma and because I was largely raised by birds (and arguably because I'm autistic but thats one of those things you can't 100% be sure I would have been like without trauma). The reason I am "basically a bird" is entirely due the circumstance of my trauma and how I was raised and that certainly sucks (though I do enjoy it and find it a beneficial part of my life), but that doesn't mean that I don't share some experiences with people that identify as a bird for fun, for cultural reasons, for spiritual reasons, or due to another neurodivergency

Just generally speaking...

I love to see people expressing themselves in unique ways and honestly specifically in ways that do not conform to "normal" society. I think its really cool and neat that people express themselves how they like and express themselves in ways that challenge pointless and/or unnecessary social rules and norms and I believe the norm of being a "consistent singular individual in society" and just general individualism is honestly just such an unnecessary social norm.

This isn't really one of my large points because I say this with a lot less of a firm and full chest cause I do draw a line with the transID stuff (no I will not be taking discourse on that) but like.. generally speaking, I really love to see the dismantling of the concept that people have to be a "consistent singular individual" around me. For a number of reasons - all three main ones off the top of my head being my views as a person with opinions on academic-research regarding the topic, as a POC Buddhist, and as someone who just would like to stand in solidarity to all mental-oddities - I think it is a really important and productive thing to see the social norm of individuality to be changed from a "norm" to one of my options.

I think a large issue people have with endogenics and what not is that they're "cringe" or "making people with DID/OSDD look like jokes" and while thats a valid feeling to have and people with DID/OSDD aren't "wrong" for feeling that way, I think its largely a miss directed feeling that follows the same flaws of almost any other "respectability politics" and advocates that push for assimilation rather than acceptance in society.

In this sense, I actually like to see endos as having a similar goal of making it so that people don't assume that being more than one is inherently a mental illness which BY THE WAY, as someone who is act final fusion / functional multiplicity / late stage DID recovery, is INCREDIBLY important to me as I am not inherently experiencing a severe mental illness when my severe mental illness is largely considered "in remission / remissed" just because I choose to still experience myself as more than one.

Plus, yeah, some of them are cringe (/affectionate) but I honestly think people need to be unapologetically cringier anyways for society to grow and get over a lot of its prejudices so like, yeah maybe that type of "cringe" isn't my cup of tea but its still an ally in my ideal cringification of society /hj (plus people with DID/OSDD can be cringe too and I clap for them as well)

As a whole, I think accepting endogenics as a valid experience to have is progress to a better more accepting, less white-western centric, happy world as well as one that actually is a safe place for people who are in late stage DID/OSDD recovery to feel free to experience their disorder in whatever way is natural, safest, and works best for them.

It's honestly hard to be pro-functional mulitiplicity and anti-endo on practical sense in my opinion as someone who is At That Place because functional multiplicity kind of requires you do detatch the experience of being more than one from the inherent disorder that caused it and once you kind of get to that point.... its just really hard to still see the anti-endo perspective as it becomes really apparent that there really are some benefits to NOT TRAUMA COPING of experiencing yourself as more than one.

But anyways, I've been writing for an hour and a half so I'll leave it there. I wish I had a better way to tie this up but... *shrugs*

#alter: fei #alter: riku #pro endo #pro-endo #endo safe #endo friendly #pro endogenic #endogenic #syscourse #discourse #syscourse tw #ask #asks #long post