#and his comment on the hiatus was interesting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

itsharleystuff · 5 months

Text

╰─▸ 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

‘ I just wanna be one of your girls tonight ’

— 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Rockstar!Joel x afab!fem!reader (no outbreak alternative universe).

— 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 8.7k

— 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Your best friend’s boyfriend has an older brother that turned out to be the guitarist of a famous rock band from the 80s. You meet Joel by accident before his concert and things take an interesting turn.

— 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ content (minors dni!), age gap (Joel is 48, reader is said to be in college tho her age isn’t specified), sex, p in v sex, porn with barely any plot, sex with a “stranger”, a bit of dirty talk, oral sex (f), use of ‘slut’, praise, mirror sex, fingering, some oral (m), cum eating, reader calls Joel an ‘old man’, smoking (they share a cigarette), pet-names (sweetheart, darling, honey). Also, I know nothing about guitars or concerts so this is probably very inaccurate. This one’s roughly edited, forgive meee. No use of y/n.

— 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬: One of the girls - The Weeknd, Lily Rose-Depp, Jennie. Breakin’ dishes - Rihanna. Todas mueren por mi - Cartel de Santa.

Third-wheeling has now unintentionally become your most recurrent hobby since your best friend started dating Tommy Miller. Not that either of them minded, given that it was their idea.

Tonight was different, however.

"I could've been a part of it, y'know?" the man boasts, "I just didn't know how to play any instruments or how to arrange tunes... I have a nice voice, though. If that counts for anything."

Ary, your friend, giggles at his statement and replies with a comment that you didn't quite listen. Tommy's car stereo is currently blasting The Clashers' latest album— Joel Miller's rock band, that is. Two days ago, you had no idea who the eldest Miller was –only that he existed–, much less that he was the guitarist of a very popular 80s band. Now his brother is taking you and his girlfriend to their gig, to which he was given front row tickets. Nice.

Their music was actually pretty good, though some of the songs sounded more country than rock. Tommy explained that those were most definitely written by his brother, due to his love for the genre. Apparently, The Clashers have had a recent comeback with their newest album and a small tour, all after a long, undefined hiatus that went on for nearly a decade and a half. "Joel's fault", the younger Miller said, "he became a father. A single one, to top it off. But he's the best at it, don't ever doubt that."

"How old is he again?" you wonder, suddenly curious about the age gap between the siblings.

"Forty-eight. His girl Sarah just turned nineteen a couple months ago." You nod absentmindedly at the response.

You met Tommy almost a year ago, when Ary and you used to work at a cafeteria outside of Dallas' university. She'd graduated a few years ago, but needed money to pay her rent and coincidentally, you did too. You hit it off right away, becoming friends but also roommates in further time. Though you were still in college and she was a bit older, that never seemed to be an issue with your friendship or your schedules. Tommy came along shortly after, turning up every day at the café with his charisma and nice manners, making his intentions with Ary very clear since the beginning.

"D'you think there'll be a crowd?" your question makes her raise a brow quizzically.

"Most likely," she retorts thoughtfully. "Why? Are you regretting your own idea?"

Her boyfriend chuckles at that, knowing perfectly well how much you disliked loud, cramped places. It's not that you didn't enjoy this sort of events once in a while, but being someone who gets easily overwhelmed around people, you mostly prefer the sort of lay-back dates. Nevertheless, it was you who came up with this plan for today. With college giving you such a hard time and your colleagues being tremendous assholes lately, you needed something out of your comfort zone to fully unwind. Some action to pull you off the dull routine.

"Are you subtly implying that I'm a boring person?" you ask, falsely offended, crossing both arms over your chest. "Cause I swear I know how to loosen-up, I just need time to... Get used to it."

Tommy seems to be holding back laughter, but Ary doesn't even try to hide her amusement. "Girl, you're lucky I'm your friend, or else you'd be rotting in our local library," she scoffs.

You roll your eyes playfully, a smirk pursing your lips, "Yeah, cause that'll be such a tragedy. Who'd support you financially if I didn't study, huh?" you turn your head to her boyfriend. "Tommy?"

The man shrugs his shoulders, fighting against the urge to grin. "Oh, dear," she glances over her shoulder to look at you from the shotgun seat, bright smile painting her face. "Don't give him any ideas. He might just marry me."

✩ ° ｡⋆⸜ 🎧

Whilst Tommy went looking for a place to park, you and Ary walked to the nearest convenience store to grab some beverages. You were still running early anyway, which only meant a quick stop wasn't going to imply much trouble.

"I'll wait for you out here," with a head tilt, you silently indicate your friend to go ahead. "I need a cig."

She nods understandingly, "Want me to grab something for ya'?"

"No, I'm alright. Don't worry about it."

Ary stopped at the entrance to look back at you, staring intently for a weird extent of time, her eyes sparkling with joy. "Did I mention you look stunning?"

"You might've had, but that doesn't mean I don't love hearing it," the reply widened her smile. Once she went inside the store, you took a chance to peer at your reflection in the showcase.

This whole eighties vibe was certainly not something you were used to, but there was no denying how hot it made you appear. Aiming for a 'rockstar girlfriend' kinda look, you went for that smudgy, dark eye-makeup; as for the clothes, the mini skirt, low-cut bustier and oversized leather jacket paired with some nice boots kept the whole outfit together.

You blinked away, stunned by how confident you suddenly felt in your own skin. Chuckling to yourself, you started digging in your purse for a smoke. And as if the gods decided to toy with your faith, you luckily found a single one sitting at the very bottom; putting the filter between your lips, you then turned your bag upside down to search for the lighter, only to find that you hadn't brought it with you.

"Damnit," you spat in frustration, closing your eyes to picture in your mind where the last place you'd left it was.

Maybe it was next to your bed, on the nightstand; or perhaps in front of the stove... No, it definitely wasn't in the kitchen. The blurry image in the back of your head resembled more of a–

"Hey," a low, masculine voice called from beside you in a mellow tone, almost as if this mysterious man had a naturally sly nature but wanted to cool it down. "Need a light?"

He had a deep, soothing ring; raspy, profound and very southern-like. Frankly, you didn't know what you were expecting before setting your eyes on him, but it definitely wasn't a man such as he was. A wave of emotions washed over your body as you pried on him; big, broad, rugged and devastatingly handsome. Not to mention older than you— however, how much older is not a detail you care to find out. Your skin felt ticklish and warm, added to the sudden acceleration of your pulse.

First thing you noticed were his big brown eyes, shiny in sort of a childish way, regardless of the wrinkles that surrounded them when he politely simpered. You could tell he was a total heartthrob by the way his lips quirked and his head tilted downwards when addressing you.

He's thick in the arms and wide in the shoulders, something that was noticeable despite the black leather jacket he was wearing over a plain white t-shirt, tucked into a pair of worn-out denims. The cowboy hat on his head casts shadows upon his face but you're still able to make up his features: aquiline nose, strong jawline, soft lips under a styled mustache and a patchy, graying beard. Tall and handsome as hell.

"Yeah," you answer as soon as your mind allows you to, suddenly feeling your mouth dry when realizing you were staring. He bit back a smirk as he gauges at your reaction. "You've got one?"

"Lucky for you, I do." His left hand disappeared in the pocket of his jacket, taking out a simple red lighter. "I don't suppose you've got a cigarette to spare, do ya'?"

"Sorry," you frown apologetically, "this is my last."

He closed the gap between you, but instead of handing the lighter, he hunched down to lit the end of the dart still hanging from your lips, caging it with his big hand. And fuck, he smelled good. A mix of cedar and sandalwood, fresh and manly.

"No worries, doll." Dizzy with his presence, your eyes unconsciously bored into his. You can't move away, diving inside his pupils like you're hypnotized. "I'll just buy a pack for myself."

Caught up in that urge of keeping him near, you take the dart between your fingers and hear yourself say: "Unless you wanna share."

It was impulsive, not to mention irrational. Yet, all of the rational thoughts inside your brain had unforeseeably vanished in thin air, replaced by a strange need that rested in the pit of your stomach, a wicked desire that rushed through your veins like a drug. His brow shot up in surprise, giving you a subtle, pleased nod. He realizes there's something else behind your proposition, nothing that could be hidden with the way you're shamelessly looking at him.

"Let me guess," he commences, his calloused fingers brushing against your own when he takes the cig, orange end stained with your lipstick, "you're headed to the concert."

Your eyes squint with a crooked smile, "Are you that perceptive or am I just that obvious?" he takes a short drag, holding the fag with a nonchalant attitude and a mannerism that expressed experience.

"Bit of both," the shadows of smoke surround his face, hiding his features behind a thick, mysterious fog. "You've got that groupie vibe to ya'. The kind of girl that has her walls filled with boy-band posters," he jokes.

"Oh, is that it?" you ask playfully, mirroring his action to let the nicotine circle your system. "Cool it, cowboy. I ain't trynna get in trouble for fighting an old man."

He chuckles at your sarcastic remark and you can see the spark of a thin chain around his neck, along with the soft curls that gathered at his nape. Jesus, his side profile was divine.

"What's your name, darlin'?" he asks. You tell him, that southern drawl of his being more noticeable when echoing it. "You from around?"

"Yeah," you blow the smoke away from him, though he takes back the dart while you're at it. "Been here my whole life. You?"

He shakes his head lightly, "Austin. But I've been all over."

You can't help but smile inwardly, "That explains it."

"What thing?" the man asks with a certain intrigue.

"Nothing... You've just got that particular vibe." He's already laughing when you point at the cowboy hat, rejoicing in the way you played with his own words.

"I see that, groupie." He takes the almost consumed cigarette between his teeth and removes the hat from his head, running a hand through his soft curls. "Let's trade."

You watch in awe as he unexpectedly places the hat atop your own head. It sits well there and the way his eyes grow dark and his lips curve upwards can only mean he likes it too.

"What'cha think?" you inquire, slightly adjusting it.

"I think..." he eyes you up and down, ashing the cig with a tap of his index, "You should keep it. In exchange, I'll just take what's left of this lung-junk."

"Well, that doesn't seem like a fair trade," you cross both arms over your chest. "Isn't there anything else you want apart from that half-burnt smoke?"

His head tilts to the side as he meditates his answer, his chocolate hair now messy and a couple of those brown curls hanging loose across his forehead. For a moment, you're worried you might've sounded too raunchy for the occasion, but he looks pretty pleased. His eyes lock with yours and you feel your knees wobbly just from that undeniable tension that lingers in the air.

"I'll tell you what, sweetheart." Sweetheart. Damn, he's good. "Find me after the concert's over. You can repay me then with whatever you might find convenient."

Your brows crease at the scheme, curious, "How will I find you, though? I'm certain there'll be a lot of people."

He laughs darkly, like he knew something you didn't –which, to be fair, was probably true–. "Just ask for Joel. I'm sure someone will point you to the right direction."

Joel.

Joel...

Joel?

Could it be...?

"See ya' around, groupie." He sets off with a subtle head gesture, waving back at you.

Your mind was spinning so fast that you didn't even notice when Ary reappeared beside you, rambling something about a woman being annoying over the prices and fighting cashiers, too worked up to even notice your distraught— or your new acquisition.

✩ ° ｡⋆⸜ 🎧

The venue was crammed with people and there was a heady scent of pot all over the place, not unusual in these sorts of businesses. Thankfully, Tommy had arrived earlier to guide you through the masses.

"Here," he said, taking you and his girlfriend by the wrist. "We've got VIP seats, no need to go all the way down there." He pointed the barricade, where a ton of people were congregated to get the better spot.

The area in which you were located had a better view of the stage and was way more comfortable. Only till you finally sat down did Ary notice the new addition to your outfit.

"Did you buy that outside the store?" she wonders, sorta screaming to make herself heard over the mass. Tommy's eyes land curiously on you.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Funny," the man mumbles to himself, shaking his head lightly. "Very funny."

"What?"

"Well," he clears his throat and licks his lips nervously, "I just think it's funny that you'd get a cowboy hat in one of my brother's gigs."

Still in the shadows, you raise your shoulders to beguile him into spilling the details, "Why's that?"

Tommy taps his knee anxiously. "You see, when Joel was younger he'd often 'gift' his hats to any girl that would catch his eye. It was a way of... I don't know, making them one of his girls, you could say. By doing so, the other band members would see her and no one would dare to make a move."

His words fell upon you like an ice bucket. Joel, Joel, Joel. It just had to be the same Joel, because honestly, what were the chances?

Before you can retort, or even form an answer in your brain, the lights go out and the crowd bursts in cheers and shouting. But you can't for the life of you pay any mind to them, too focused on Tommy's story ringing in your ears. Seconds prior to the lights going on again, the sound of a single guitar key reverberated through the venue.

Did Joel Miller just mark you like cattle so no other man would approach you? Was that some kind of sick game he liked to play? If that were the case, you can't really say you're mad about it... Mostly thrilled, so to speak.

"So what would happen afterwards?" you asked, leaning to his ear, so you could make yourself be heard.

"Huh?"

"He'd make his move and then what?"

The man slightly winced as if you had just asked him the dumbest question in the book, "I think you know the rest."

You knew.

Of course you knew.

There's a voice saying "Goodnight, Dallas" and the spotlight is now on the five men standing on stage. You didn't even need to search for his image, your eyes immediately attaching to him like a magnet. A feeling of beguilement settles in your bones as you realize you've achieved that excitement you hoped to get tonight, at last.

Amidst chaos and loud screaming, he stood there in all his glory, perfectly aware of the impression his sole presence could cause. Messy brown hair, sun-kissed skin and that patchy, graying beard. Convenience store Joel turned out to be rockstar Joel.

The only thing that was different about his appearance were the dark aviator sunglasses that gracefully framed his face, a belt with a big, round buckle and the black Epiphone Wilshire guitar that was strapped to his shoulder with a sash. All of this new fashion somehow made him more physically appealing, if that was indeed possible. He looked like the type of man you'd rip off from a magazine and stick up in the corners of your vanity; the kind of star that girls and women would salivate over.

You could totally see the fascination and understand why it was easy for him to simply pick out someone he liked and take them back to his dressing room for a nasty time. Joel Miller was that guy.

In the back of your mind you register the fact that you're probably eye-fucking him whilst his younger brother and your best friend are both standing at your right. But you can't really help it— he was just so electrifying, such a magnetic force of a man. The whole world seemed to stop as the concert carried on, though you can only make out the melodies when you're far too distracted by Joel's charisma and mysterious air.

The way he moves on stage, too focused on his own act, fingers tugging at the strings and metal vibrating underneath his touch... It's fascinating how he makes it look easy and like a tremendous labour at the same time, pulling it all off with a wolffish smile on his face. The other band members had their own charm too, but your preference was undeniable.

They played the songs that you had been previously listening to, and the fact that they're being played live just amplifies the feeling of intimacy regarding the lyricism and musicality. Songs that talk about life's hardships, love, heartbreak and carnal desires. They all just hit different.

Towards the end of the concert, Ary started feeling dizzy, the amount of people and sudden dehydration giving her signs of a posible migraine. She tried not to say anything for the sake of your fun, realizing just how much you're enjoying yourself tonight. But at the end she truly couldn't, deciding to tell Tommy she needed to step back for awhile and go get some fresh air.

"I should go with her," you said in concern. His boyfriend shook his head and patted your shoulder.

"I'll go. You can stay if you want to, just call me if something feels off and I'll be back in a sec," he said reassuringly.

It took a few seconds to agree, although you eventually did. The event was almost over anyways. "Tell me if anything happens."

"F'course."

You watch as he leaves behind her with a certain remorse in your gut. The Clashers play three more songs afterwards, turning out to be much more emotional and heartfelt than you could've expected.

One by one, every single band member thanked the audience before the lights went out completely and the crowd stopped their clapping and cheering.

In order to avoid getting stuck at the exit from the people storming out, you decided to stay back and wait. You intended to reach your friend via message, sending a short "everything alright?" that did not deliver due to the awful signal. Only then did you start to grow nervous and more worrisome.

"Excuse me," out of nowhere, one of the security guards called for you when no one else was around –aside from the scattered people that had the same idea as you did–; a tall man with a 'staff' pin on his shirt. He asked for your name, but something about the way he worded the question made you believe he already knew it. "You've got a backstage invitation."

"A backstage invitation?" You tried holding back laughter. "From whom?” your eyes narrowed at a new clue. “Wait... Did Tommy meet up with Joel?"

The staff member furrowed his brows in surprise, "You came here with Miller's brother?"

"Huh? Yes... Isn't that why you approached me?" the stranger gave you a kind, slightly embarrassed smile.

"No, but you should come with me. Joel's in fact the one that asked."

"Oh..."

So, it was him after all.

'Someone will point you to the right direction', turned out to be quite literal.

You agreed to follow the guard. Maybe Joel could just reach Tommy and tell him you were fine. Although that'll mean you'd have to explain how you two had met. Well, shit... It’s not like it was a bad thing, right?

✩ ° ｡⋆⸜ 🎧

Backstage dressing rooms tend to be different depending on the facility where an event is held. In this case, there were rooms with the artist's names hanged on them and a handful of people moving around, spitting orders and following instructions. Everyone was so involved in their own affairs that no one really seemed to notice you, specially standing next to the security guy, who knocked twice on the guitarist's door.

It didn't take long before he appeared before you, that post-concert glow brightening up his features. His cocky smirk told you just how certain he was that you'd end up here eventually and how glad he was for it. You gave a quick nod to the man that guided you here and he disappeared just as quick as he came.

"Hey there, groupie."

"Joel." Your lips unconsciously curved, too. "I believe I owe you something." His hair was ruffled and the sunglasses rested atop his head, looking better up-close than he did on stage.

"Wanna come in?" the question sounded so genuine and innocent, it almost made you believe there wasn't a meaning behind it... Yet, you knew; you were both aware.

"Sure, but-" there was something you had to tell him... God, he smelled good— what was it you had to tell him? "Won't they scold you for having me here?"

His dressing room was fairly spacious, with a small leather couch, a coat stand with a couple of jackets and shirts hanging. His guitar rested on the corner, tucked inside its case; facing the couch was some kind of vanity where celebrities could get their makeup done, the lights around the mirror reflected a warm light.

"Don't think so, darlin'. I'm way too old for a scolding," he joked, closing the door behind you.

The very moment you were left alone, away from any prying eyes, the air shifted entirely; as if this whole space was your own private setting. That same feeling you experienced outside the store somehow crawled under your skin once more, adrenaline rushing through your veins in a crushing expectation.

"Did you enjoy the show?" you nod distractedly.

"I did. But I ain't gonna lie, it was a total shocker to find out that the hot guy I'd just met was actually a part of the group." Joel's eyes gleamed with an unfamiliar simplicity that invited you in and provided a certain comfort.

"I wish I could've seen your face," he retorted, his voice smooth and low.

"Why?" you bicker, "So I could further boost your ego? No, thanks."

He chuckles softly, his eyes squinting to reveal the tiny wrinkles that form around them; a sign that he's always been the type to laugh without remorse. Those are the small details that make him even more attractive in your perspective.

You lean against the makeup board, giving your back to the mirror and crossing both arms over your chest. The heel of your boots had started to feel uncomfortable, so you placed one leg across the other to shift some of the weight whilst his gaze followed your every move intently; the unfathomable depth of his eyes stirred something inside you, an urge to unleash your impurest thoughts.

"You've got quite an attitude, don't ya', groupie?" the man questions with humor. "But I'm pretty sure you just called me hot, so, either way, my ego was boosted," he pointed out smugly.

"Joel," you click your tongue, subtly shaking your head. "I bet there's tons of women saying that about you, and there's no doubt in my mind that you’re aware of it already."

That could not be denied. Throughout his life, Joel had always been aware of his charm and good looks, which eventually brought him popularity amongst the group. After having Sarah, he saw himself forced to tone down the amount of affairs and adventures he'd have, specially as a single father, always trying not to get his daughter's hopes high if she saw him with someone.

Honestly, despite him being back on track with the 'celebrity' lifestyle, he still wasn't planing on keeping up with his old tricks of bringing women backstage and giving them something to gush about with her friends. He really hadn't gotten involved with anyone during the tour until now... And it wasn't something he'd intended to do either. Everything happened so spontaneously, the way you two sort of bonded and just met out of the blue. Joel's goal wasn't any of this at first, he merely thought of how gorgeous you were and how comfortable he felt in your presence.

However, logic and good sense abandoned him the minute your eyes gaped at him; dark and alluring, with a spark in them that he could not escape, an intriguing verve that entranced him and crept under his skin. From that moment forward, he could only think about you while being on stage, hoping to catch a glimpse of your skin amongst the crowd but having to settle with the fresh image of you on his mind: your confident mannerisms, your striking smile and how good your legs looked in that mini-skirt. He tried to put on his best performance just to impress you.

"Yet, your perception of me is the only one I currently care about," he declares, taking a few decided steps towards you.

You beam, keeping your head held high, "I gotta give it to you, Joel. The hat thing, your whole performance... Very clever."

He's taken aback by your words, surprise written all over his face. "What d'you mean?"

"Come on, Joel," you reply with a roughish grin. "You really thought I wouldn't hear all about your schemes? Oh, here I believed I was special," you joke.

The man gets rid of that 'respectful' distance that kept you apart, slowly making his way to you, exuding that perpetual arrogance he naturally carried and never breaking eye contact. You returned the same energy; piercing his soul with those siren eyes, barely tilting your head back to expose your throat and unhooking your arms to give him a better sight of your breasts. Intentional or not, those little details were driving him insane.

"You are special, sweetheart," he murmurs, emphasizing the second word. "All of my girls are."

He was quite close now, his scent dazing your senses and the warmth of his body, plus that southern drawl of his, formed goosebumps on your skin. With boosted confidence, you reach out to softly grab the lapels of his jacket. You wait for him to push you away, scold you or react negatively... though he never does. Instead, his eyes fall from yours to your lips, licking his own distractedly. You motion to remove the shades form his head and place his hat back on, adjusting it lightly. In the meantime, you take your time to run your fingers through his hair, drag them along his jaw, feel the raspy sensation of his beard scratching your fingertips.

"S'that so?" you whisper, your breath fanning across his cheek. "You know what I want...?" His eyelids shudder, a muscle twitching on his neck as you lean to pour the next words into the shell of his ear. "I just wanna be one of your girls, Joel Miller..."

Those words have an immediate effect on him, his eyes darkening with blown away pupils. Your hand lowers to his chest, conscious of the strength with which his heart was beating, the heat of his feverish skin there where you touched him. His palms land on your hips, caressing the covered skin as they make their way to your waist.

"We'll see 'bout that, darlin'," he hushes, cupping your face with his right hand to keep you steady, restrain your control over him. His face is barely inches away from yours, practically breathing each other in. "You know what's gonna happen now, don't you?"

You gulp in suspense, eyes glued to his lips, waiting, wishing he'd just kiss you. "Yes..."

"Good," Joel's thumb swipes across your bottom lip, slowly coaxing your mouth open. "Is this what you want?"

You can barely muster up the courage to speak, nearly falling from the tension. "Please..."

"Mmm..." his nose rubs against yours and your eyes close instinctively. "That's not an answer, sweetheart."

Your hands fist on his shirt, desperate to touch him. "Yes, Joel."

"That's my girl," he praises, effectively creating a pool of arousal that smothers your underwear. But you've barely got any time to process it before his lips are finally on yours.

The kiss knocks the air out of your lungs, his plump lips molding against yours. Your fingers play with the curls at the base of his neck, your nails scratching his skin deliciously. Everything feels hot all of the sudden, the need to get rid of your jacket latent on the edges of your body. Joel holds your waist and quickly sits you fully on top of the board, making you squeal from the abruptness of the action; this way he can settle himself between your legs and flush his chest to yours. His lips never part from yours, swallowing down any noise that escaped your mouth.

The coarse fabric of his jeans feels rough against your exposed skin, his hands coming to grab the back of your thighs, sliding them beneath the hem of your skirt as you wrap your legs around his waist. The kiss is breathy and intense, you taste him when your tongue drags inside –a mix of mint and cigarettes–, your teeth crashing when he tries to assert his dominance by pulling your body closer to his. Your perfume, sweet and floral, lingers around him in a way that makes him want you even more. When he slowly licks your lower lip, you moan faintly and the sound makes him throb.

His fingers splay on your asscheeks, prodding you to feel the weight of his hardening cock against your inner thigh, consequently setting a fire in your lower belly. You catch his grunt in the kiss, the feeling of his mustache tingling on your skin whilst you grind your hips just to experience that friction once again, relishing in the familiar sensation of your arousal spilling into your panties, wet and warm. And fuck, part of you doesn't believe that this man is hard for you. Joel suddenly backs away, just enough to stare blankly into your eyes, casted with desire, and regain a bit of composure.

"Not a word about this, 'aight?" something you had figured he'd state sooner or later.

"Yes, sir. It'll be our dirty little secret," you grin right as he whispers a goddamnit.

Before he pulls you in for another heated kiss, you struggle to take your jacket off, taking your phone out of the pocket and hastily throwing it to the floor as he mimics your action. Joel uses this moment to fully take in the sight of you; the way your tits sit perfectly in that top, chest rising and falling from drawing ragged breaths, your exposed neck and shoulders, flushed skin ideal for him to nip at and trace with his lips. So he does just that.

He ghosts your mouth, towering over you but ignoring the need to reattach your lips to his. Alternately, he gently kisses your chin, making his way down your throat and between your collarbones. You're a panting mess under his touch, trying to keep yourself collected for the sake of not getting caught, yet failing when his teeth sank onto the pillowy flesh of your breast. You audibly gasp, holding onto his arm for dear life; though he simply huffs a laugh that vibrates through you.

"Don't worry, darlin'. In here, you can be as loud as you want to," he assures.

Joel descends to his knees in front of you and the image is far too erotic for you to hold back a whimper. He coaxes your knees farther apart, your denim skirt hunched up around your hips so he can peek at the red lace of your underwear. He grabs your calf and places a kiss to the side of your knee, looking up at you hungrily.

"Should we take this off?" he taps on your boot, calloused fingers tracing random patterns on your leg.

"Let's keep them on," you say, your hand stroking his cheekbone. "I want to wear them when I come on your cock."

His eyes glint with lust, "Fuck..." he rumbles, almost pained. "Who would've thought a pretty girl like you would have such a filthy tongue."

You can't help but smirk as his lips roam upwards, "You think I'm pretty?"

His gaze scorches with intensity, both his hands languidly sliding up your sides till his fingers hook on the edge of your panties, pulling them down your legs to take them off, "I think you're beautiful," he murmurs amidst. Your heartbeat hammers in your ears at the time he leans into the apex of your thighs, one of his brows quirking up at the sight of glistening slick sticking to your swollen skin.

"Poor thing," he coos, taking off the hat like a cowboy who's worked his whole shift and comes home to eat the best dinner he's ever had, placing it beside you. "You're so sensitive, baby..." you inhale sharply when he lays a teasing kiss on your inner thigh. "Been a while?"

You nod, though even if it has been a while since the last time you slept with someone, you're certain that most of your responsiveness falls onto Joel's doing. He tsked, shaking his head in the meantime and using his thumb to barely spread your folds. Your eyes look at him beneath heavy lids, lips parted as his mouth explores the area, his breathing tickling the sensitive skin.

"I'll take care of you, sweetheart."

Without warning, his tongue darts out to lick the slick around your entrance, ravishing on the sweet taste of your juices. Your fingers thread through his curls, swallowing hard at the new sensation. He takes his time with you, leisurely allowing your wetness to gather on his tongue, his nose nudging at your clit when he moves his head a certain way. It all makes your brain spin, overcome by the pleasure you're experiencing, actually permitting you to loose your cords and spill uninhibited whimpers that only egged him on.

"Shit, you're doing great..." you can feel his smile against your dripping core.

"You just taste amazing, darlin'," he's not lying. Joel's enjoying himself far too much as he buries his tongue between your folds, holding you tighter. "So fucking good..."

The back of your mind registers the brief pain of his fingertips digging in your flesh, thinking it may bruise in the morning. The other part can't even form a rational thought. You moan his name, calling out for something to ground you; but he's just as gone, if not way worse. Joel is bewitched by the headiness of you, clogging his senses entirely. It's been so long since he gave head, but he doesn't remember it like this— like he couldn't get enough, so eager to make you feel good, to hear those pretty sounds spill from your mouth.

"Oh my god..." you mewl when his lips close around your puffy clit, gently flicking his tongue over it whilst you run your hands through his locks.

He flattens his tongue against the bundle of nerves, tracing delicate circles that make your whole body shudder. You're messily dripping all the way down to the wooden surface as he selfishly alternates his attention between your aching bud and your hole.

"Look at you, honey," he mumbles, voice laced with desire. "Doin' so good for me."

His fingers swipe across your slit, making you squirm. "Joel, please-"

"I know, baby, I know..."

Though when he's about to dive in again, you catch the light of your phone through your peripheral vision: an incoming call. The ID read the name 'Tommy <3'.

Tommy???!!!!

"Shitshitshit," you quickly reach for the device, swiping the green button and muttering a wary wait to the man before you. Joel simply gawks at you with intrigue, the pads of his fingers still roaming around your core. "Hello?"

On the other side of the line, Tommy says your name with utter relief, "Thank god. I left you a thousand messages. Are you okay?"

More than okay. Your brother's tongue was inside my cunt just a few seconds ago, actually.

Obviously you can't say that.

"Uh... Yeah, everything's fine." You clear your throat, trying to mask the gasp that threatened to escape when Joel started rubbing tender circles on your clit. "The signal's just really bad."

"Yes, I noticed," he mutters, a bit frustrated. "Should I go get you? There's still plenty of people at the entrance and I don't want you to get lost."

"No- no..." you have to bite your bottom lip in order to muffle the unholy moan you were about to slip out. The bastard had just sinked one finger inside you experimentally, watching your face contort in pleasure as he reached for that particular spot. "I- have... Is Ary alright?"

"She took a pill and is knocked out in the backseats of my car right now," you can practically hear his smile as he speaks. "But... Are you sure you're okay? You sound... Agitated."

That was a way of putting it.

Joel is a greedy, jealous man. He wants all your undivided attention and will make sure to let you know. He decides to add a second finger, watching your eyes screw shut and your mouth gape as he curls them, your slick covering all the way to his knuckles.

"Yes, I met with a friend-" you tug at his hair hard enough to make him groan, his cock twitching with interest. "She's taking me home."

Your thighs start quivering and your body feels hot all over, an abrasive feeling of bliss rushing through every single nerve ending. You're close, and judging by the way you clench around his fingers, he knows too.

"Oh... Well, in that case just let me know once you get home. Please?" You think you answer, but you're not entirely sure. The call ends and your phone slips from your hand.

"Joel, I can't..." you whine when his lips latch to your nub once again, his fingers still working you open.

"Yes you can," he vows. You clutch at his curls with enough strength to work him up. "You're a big girl, you can take it."

And it's right then, when he repeatedly hits your g-spot, licking and sucking at your delicate clit, that your hips get a mind of their own, barely kept in place by Joel's strong grip on your hip. The coil finally snaps. You're not sure what you say, what words fall from your mouth... But they do dawdle on his mind. You shake from the magnitude of your orgasm, muscles starting to relax as Joel licks up every drop of your release, absolutely lost in the sweet taste of you. Your grasp on his hair loosened as he rose to his feet, letting you catch your breath.

He's on edge, his voice a hoarse rumble when he spoke. "Didn't anyone tell you," his left hand came up to brush his fingertips over your lips, "how rude it is to answer phone calls when this pretty pussy of yours is getting eaten?”

You lick your lips nervously. "I'm sorry..." he hums in response, "I'll make it up to you."

There's no time for him to reply since you crash your lips to his once again, frenetically searching to feel his weight pressed on top of you for a second time. This kiss is messy, rushed and needy. You can taste yourself in it as he pushes his tongue past your teeth.

Amidst the fuss, your hand snakes between your bodies to tug at his belt, fumbling to pop his pants open. Once you do, you can feel how warm and heavy his cock is, rock hard beneath your touch. He hisses at the flick of your wrist, moving up and down his length over the thin fabric of his boxers. Joel rests his forehead against yours to even his breaths, his chest heaving with a lustful sigh.

"Fuck," he grumbles, swiftly manhandling you so you're facing the mirror. His hand holds your face for you to stare back at your own reflection. "Aren't you a sight to behold?"

And you're certain that for a man like him, those words couldn't be truer. Sweat beads around your neck and sticks a couple hairs to your temples, eyes teary in the corners and lipstick smeared from the make out. Here and there your skin displays signs of his presence, part of you wishing they'd stay there till the next morning. If there was an accurate way to describe how you looked, that'll be wrecked.

"You should see yourself, Miller," you smirk, gesturing in his direction. His eyes reflected a prurient nature that added to his sex appeal, hair messy from your doing and an eager expression that gave him a downright pornographic aura. "Not bad for an old man."

His lips caress the back of your ear, hands driving the denim skirt farther up your hips. You cling to the edge of the work desk, making an effort to stand up in your weak knees, chills running down your spine when he gently nibbles at your earlobe.

"So much for not wanting to boost my ego, huh, sweetheart?" his gruff voice is both soothing and stirring, making all the blood rush straight to your pussy.

He parts your legs, spreading them with his knee and forcing you to bend forward a little. Your head turns to peek behind your shoulder, his every move being closely monitored by you, eyes widening when you finally fathom the sheer size of his cock. Your lower body pulsates with anticipation, another wave of arousal sticking to the inside of your thighs.

"Holy fuck-" you ramble as you watch him expertly roll a condom on his length. He's long and visibly thick, a prominent vein running from base to tip; your mouth waters just from the idea of wrapping your lips around it. "Shit..."

"Don't be getting all shy now, honey. Tis' what you wanted, then you're getting it," he rasps, lining himself between your legs.

"M'not shy," you retort, staring back at him through the mirror. "Was just thinking about how badly I wanted to blow you."

Joel stifles a groan, his hands snaking to your front to pull down the top and expose your tits. There was no need to wear a bra with a bustier, which you were glad for, cause it made it easier for him to pinch the peaked buds of your nipples. The head of his cock glides across your folds, coating it with the slick that keeps dribbling each time he bumps against your clit or makes you watch as he gropes your breasts.

"You talk like a slut." Your cheeks soared red and your pussy fluttered at the name-calling. The heat of his body on yours was simply intoxicating, making it difficult for you to think. "Is that how you want me to fuck you?" he whispers in your ear, nudging his cock at your entrance but not quite going in yet. "Nice and hard until I make an absolute mess out of you? Mmm?"

You nod, "Yes, god- yes. Please, Joel..."

He takes that plea as his cue to press himself inside you, slow and steady, allowing your body to adjust to the intromission. Your mouth falls ajar, nails scratching the wood under your fingers, vaguely squirming at the sharp sting of the stretch.

"That's it, takin' my cock so well," words of encouragement fall hoarsely form his lips like a chant and your body willingly melts into his. "See? I knew you could take it."

His thighs plunge to yours when he bottoms out at last, letting out a few pants and groans, his fingers pushing stray hairs out of your face. You can feel him jerk inside you, your walls enveloping his girth tightly, a wave of pleasure licking his spine at the feeling. He doesn't waste any more time, finding a pace of his liking as soon as he started moving and being relentless with it. The way his neck chain hits your shoulder blades with each thrust, the scrub of his beard when he kisses your temple and the dirty praises that he murmurs in your ear, somehow make the situation grounding; like it's really happening and you're not dreaming about it.

As Joel cradles you in his arms, your hand skirts to his nape in order to bring him in for a kiss. Each roll of his hips is calculated, deep and unswerving, knowing exactly how and where you liked it, studying your reactions. When he kisses you, he does so earnestly, almost affectionate in contrast to the rhythm in which his dick drags inside you– but it's short, the need for oxygen overpowering both. At this point, not even your stilted whimpers and his soft moans can mask the lewd sound of your squelching pussy or the sporadic noise of skin slapping against skin.

"Good fuckin' slut," he locks your jaw in place, pushing you to keep eye contact with your own reflection. "Sneakin' behind your friend's back to get fucked by a stranger –shit– an 'old man', nonetheless..."

Your stomach tenses each time the head of his cock grazes that sensitive spot within you, legs shaking at the way he speaks to you. Through the mirror, you see the way his thumb digs into your cheek, his hand cupping your breast as he twists your nipple in his fingers and the worst of all: that haughty fucking smile that suited him perhaps too damn well.

"I always did like them older," you utter, out of breath.

He chuckles darkly, heftily, letting his hand coast down your abdomen and reach your clit to tease it while he takes you from behind. The feeling was so intense that all you could do was claw at his bicep and let a hushed whine slip past your lips, knowing that a second orgasm was approaching faster than you had expected.

"Fuck, Joel- It feels so good..." your moans are like music to his ears, a syrupy melody that he wants to maintain on replay.

The way your pussy clenches around him, squeezing his length with every push, has his head fuzzy with sheer pleasure. And god- you look beautiful coming undone for him. No; because of him. He sees you looking at him through the reflection, pupils dark with an obscure desire, feels your cunt soak him every time he tells you how good you are, with each sound he makes just for you.

"I'm so close-" you warn, white sparks blurring your vision at the building of your crescendo.

"C'mon, come for me," he purrs, skillfully teasing your nub. "Wanna feel it— oh fuck, wanna feel you live up to your promise..."

Joel fucking whimpers, nuzzling his face on the crook of your neck as he pulls your hips to meet his pace. The sound is so enticing that it throws you off, wanting to engrave it in your mind. Your thighs waver and your back arches, an overwhelming sense of euphoria partaking your body. "I've got you, let me hear you," he fucks you through it, slowing down but never losing precision. "Right there, you did so good..."

In your state of frenzy, you feel his cock throbbing inside you, his grip on your body tightening: the classic telltale of his own climax looming. Through it all, with your heart thumping so loud that it's almost deafening, you blurt out a dulcet: "Come in my mouth..."

God help him.

He nearly loses it right then and there.

"As you wish," he sighed, his deep voice raspy with passion.

But he's an indulgent man, so he musters up the strength to pull out and snatch the condom away, throwing it to the trash can. You fall to your knees with no hesitation, arms stretching to reach the outline of his hips. Joel guides the ruddy head of his cock to your lips, spreading precome all over them before you fully take him in your mouth. You suck him earnestly, focusing on the tip and tracing the vein on the underside of his dick. He's so worked up that it doesn't take him long to start panting; head thrown back and hand grabbing firmly the back of your neck.

Your gaze stick to his, knowing perfectly the power of looking into his eyes. You love the taste of him, musky and strong; all man. All you can think of right at this moment is how you want more, so much more of him.

"Perfect," he slurs through gritted teeth. "Perfect girl."

You can't contain the hum that reverberates through him, pushing him over the edge whilst you massage his balls. A deep, guttural groan claws its way from his throat, hips stuttering and thighs trembling as he comes in thick, hot spurts down your throat. You swallow instantly, not thinking much about it and stroking his shaft unhurriedly until he's whimpering from overstimulation; though he doesn't tell you to stop or pushes you away, letting you work him up to the time of your choice. Once you're content, you straighten your posture and rearrange your top, roughly registering when he tucks himself back in his pants.

"You okay?" he asks, helping you get on your feet. His thumb swipes around your lips and chin to clean the smeared lipstick, a sweet concern dithering in his eyes.

“Feelin’ great,” you say with genuine joy, pulling your skirt downwards and grabbing your panties from the floor, laying next to your jacket and his guitar. “Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you,” he lends you a hand in putting your jacket back on. “It’s been a while since I’ve… Uh, well, you get it.”

You turn to face him, beaming radiantly. Gosh, you’re stunning. He’s certain he won’t forget those mesmerizing eyes of yours.

“Joel, let’s be honest with each other…” your hands shot up to caress his cheek and thread at his curls. You don’t believe him one bit. “We’ll meet again. You know we will.”

You didn’t really mean it, merely wanting to make an impression. But there was a minuscule possibility that your paths would cross for a second time; after all, you did know his brother. Though you never mentioned that. Deep down, you were scared that he wouldn’t want to make a move if he knew of that connection— specially after seeing Tommy’s reaction when he saw that hat on your head.

“Hope that’s true, groupie.”

Joel insists on calling his chauffeur to take you home, arguing that it was past midnight and it was dangerous to take a cab. Eventually, you let him, making a quick stop to the bathroom to set things right with your appearance. He waits for you patiently, the cowboy hat presented to you as a gift when you walked out.

“Keep it,” he sways, “as a little souvenir for if we don’t end up meeting again. Besides, it suits you better.”

“Won’t you have another pretty girl to gift it to?” he rolls his eyes at your inquiry.

“I can always buy more,” he laughs. “I want you to remember I sent you home sore and aching each time you look at it.”

You giggle, getting on your tippy toes to kiss the corner of his mouth. “Don’t worry, Miller. I’ll be thinking ‘bout it… About you. That’s a promise.”

And he truly hopes you mean it.

#pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #joel miller #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller tlou #joel miller the last of us #the last of us hbo #the last of us au #joel miller au #alternate universe #smut

306 notes · View notes

seungkwanslowqualityenglish · 5 months

Text

Unfinished Melodies

✿ Synopsis: He was your greatest rival, but all things changed after being paired with him for a competition. Yet, all lovely things can’t stay, and you had to get away. Returning after three years apart, will old feelings return, or will hidden secrets destroy all before it has a chance to blossom once more.

✿ Who: Park Sunghoon (Enhypen) x Female Pronoun Reader ✿ Word Count: 60,124 words ✿ Genre: Angst/Fluff ✿ Warnings: Explicit language, implied sex, pregnancy, child, grandparent death, parental death, ✿ Request: No ✿ I’m back on my bullshit after my short hiatus turned into a 3 year hiatus. Request are open, my crops are plentiful, and my brain is working. This is an absolute mess, it would be longer but I got writers block and just had to finish it, it is also much longer than what I usually write, but enjoy.

The first memory you have of being a child is from the age of three, it was the image of you holding hands with your father, he skating backwards, getting you accustomed to the ice. The second memory occurs five minutes later, he lets your hands go, and you proceed to fall to the ice. Those memories repeated throughout your childhood, going from holding hands with your father as you skated along, clutching your coaches hands, knees kissing the ice as you fell, hands burning from the harsh cold, to finally skating on your own. If someone had asked you at the age of three what you thought you would be doing in ten, even fifteen years, in the future, you would not have answered figure skating.

You were nine when you first met Park Sunghoon, your coach called him a prodigy, and honestly, it made you jealous. It was always you that was called the prodigy before, you were the skilled one, and you were what the others wanted to achieve towards. The six years of skating experience you had on him seemed useless, as he took to the ice, quickly developing the same level you were at. By the age of eleven, he had even overtaken your rankings, leaving you as the second most skilled skater in your rink.

That was when you first started to hate him, you had the joy of not competing in the same competitions as him, but it did not stop others from constantly comparing the two of you. It was always, he got the turn on the first try, or he got gold as well but his score was higher, or if he keeps progressing the olympic team might be interested in him. It was like all of a sudden, everything your parents had been conditioning you for was no longer there. The silver platter life had been handed to you on, it had been ripped out and offered to another, someone others had deemed more talented and more worthy.

Maybe the feelings were mutual, but you did not like him, and he returned the feelings. From the age of thirteen it became known around the others just how much you disliked each other, going as far as rescheduling your practices so you would not have even be in the rink the same day. But, this did not stop the comments, the constant praises of his talent coming from your parents mouths, the constant flow of comparisons, and the constant detriment of your feelings of self worth. No longer were your parents focused on your performance, instead they were focused on what he did better, how you could be better like him, and how you could do better than him.

When high school started, it was like a switch flipped, neither of you were no longer in your awkward tween stages, starting to grow into teens. This was when the first big change happened, no longer were your competitions viewers only your family and friends, others started to show interest. The first competition you were in after high school started was odd, there was a whole fan section for a specific person, and honestly you hated it, the six extra years you had on him were useless, especially seeing how he had a growing section of fangirls each competition, compared to your meek group of friends and family. What hurt the most was seeing your friends start to move, gradually sitting closer and closer in the group of freshmen girls that came to support him, until they were in the group, no longer there to support you but instead here to support him.

That was when you broke, throwing your everything into skating. No longer did you spare time for your so-called friends, no longer did you have time for hobbies, and no longer did you have time for others. The next year was nothing but school and skating, at some points, it seemed as though you slept at the rink some nights. The work started to pay off, your already high scores started to go higher, but you were always just barely behind him still. Harsh words of comparison burned your eardrums, and it was always about one individual, Park Sunghoon, and how much better he was than you.

Sophomore year is where things started to change, as your coaches came up with what they felt was a great idea. No longer would you just compete in solo events, you would do pairs. Your coach claimed that the two of you would be better than the current people competing in pairs, and so you were more likely to take some wins home. The first time coach Kim mentioned it, you felt like it might be a good idea, after all there were some really good skaters at your rink. But, you should have known it would not be that easy, rather than being paired with one of the many others she trained, instead they claimed the best deserves to only work with the best. Had you known it would be him, you would have refused to do this, you would rather win silver or even bronze at the next competition than work with him. Yet, fighting was futile, as your coaches quickly told you your parents had given permission, meaning you two would be partners for the near future.

The first time working with him was a mess. Neither of you wanted to get close to one another, skating within five feet of each other was hard, let alone holding hands and doing lifts. Sunghoon stood there laughing as you failed to do a trick, not a care in the world as he watched you hit the ice, his laugh echoing as you started to get up. “I don’t know what is going on with you two, but figure it the fuck out, and get over it,” Coach Kim screamed across the rink, silence came from him immediately, watching with disproving eyes at the behavior in front of her. “You both have one week, if you can’t at least pretend to like each other by then, neither of you will be permitted to compete in any program, and you’ll be kissing those championship trophies and Olympic dreams goodbye.” Your coach yelled, storming out of the rink, the doors slamming loudly behind her.

Once out of her presence, the two of you immediately separated, going to different sides of the rink, finally happy to be separated from one another. The joy was short lived, as another person entered the rink, this time it was not your coach, it was instead his. “Here. Now!” Coach Lee yelled, his patiences even lower than your coaches. He did not even wait for the both of you to get to where he stood, before he continued yelling, “Your school does not start back for two months, you two will be practicing every single day, so get over your feelings of superiority now, neither of you is better than the other, and when competing as a team, it’s not a fucking competition. You do some stupid shit on the ice and you not only embarrass yourself, you embarrass us, and if you think we are harsh on you now, just you try some bullshit during the competition, you’ll see just how harsh this training can be.” Lee screamed out, taking a breath before starting to talk at a normal volume. “I do not want to see either of you in this rink for the next 3 days, go do some team building stuff, become friends, at the least, become tolerable of one another. I want you two to come in on Friday like whole new people. Go to the arcade, go on a picnic, go to the beach, do whatever you young people do and at the least, tolerate each other. If you have this much awkward tension and anger towards each other while performing, the judges and audience will be able to tell, you won’t be able to work well together and you’ll get a low score. I want you both to go pack up, exchange numbers, go get dinner together, and plan what you are going to be doing the next few days together. Put aside whatever troubled past the two of you have, and turn over a new leaf, you are partners now, you are working together, and you both need to get over that. And I will find out if you don't spend time together, I will be talking to your parents. There is a carnival in town, you two could try that.” Coach Lee finished, clapping his hands loudly, dismissing the two skaters in his presence.

Skating away to exit the ice, nearing the locker room, the only feeling you could feel was shame. The way you had been yelled at by not only your coach, but his coach, left you feeling like a punished child. Entering the locker room, a set was taken on the bench in front of the locker adorned with your name. Taking your skates off, they were thrown into the waiting gym bag, staring at the ceiling. It took all the power within your body to not scream in anger despite your brain telling you to do so. Nothing would be worse than this, not just having to work with him, but spend time outside of skating with him. Together skating was not happening, what did the coaches expect would happen if you two were alone together, you would suddenly become best friends.

After taking a few calming breaths, it was time to change out of your skating clothing, while it was nice and chilly within the rink, you knew the moment you hit the doors outside you would be sweltering. Changing, you slipped your gym bag onto your shoulder, hoping that Sunghoon had forgotten all about the hanging out, so home would be the only place for you to be going. Sadly, the boy knew how scary his coach could be, and instead was waiting outside the locker room door, phone in hand.

He handed his phone to you with no words, it already pulled up to the add contact page, typing your number quickly, you passed it back to him, not wanting to hold the cursed device for longer than necessary. With a vibration of the phone in your back pocket, it notified you that he had sent you a message, giving yourself his number. Starting to walk past him, towards the doors, it was not even ten steps in when he started to pass you.

“Let’s go, I’ll drive.” Sunghoon coldly said to you, hiking his own bag further up on his shoulder, as he stepped past you, exiting the doors to the outside. Had he been watching, he would have seen the obvious look of disgust that fell upon your face.

Pushing the door open to exit, since he could not even be bothered to hold it open for the person who was only a few steps behind himself, you scoffed. “No thanks, I’ll just wait for my parents.” Like hell you would go somewhere with him, the whole spend time together thing, you will just lie and say you did. As the male started to speak, you were not paying attention, instead focusing on your phone which started to buzz, a couple messages from your parents. ‘The coaches let them know that you and Sunghoon would be hanging out tonight and that Sunghoon would bring you home’, of course you should have known they would actually notify your parents, with a groan, you turned to the tall boy in front of you. “Fine, let’s go.”

Sunghoon was not shocked that you were not listening, or that you interrupted him. Watching as you started off towards his car, he quickly started to walk over to it. “Yeah, let’s go.” He said, unlocking his car doors, throwing his bag into the backseat, before climbing into the driver’s seat. He was quick to buckle his seat belt, before starting the engine, the car coming to life at once. As he prepared to leave the parking lot, he could not think of where to go, turning to ask his guest, he knew that would be vain, since you were staring so intently at your phone, you probably would not answer him regardless. Pulling onto the road, he decided to just go to the first place that came to mind, a little diner he would go to with his boys all the time.

Texting Karina, you lamented about your situation, the death of your joy from being forced to be in close proximity with your worst enemy. Even over text, you could tell Karina was laughing about the situation, joking that ‘you might be in the start of your enemies to lovers Wattpad era’. Despite her humorous text, you could not find the situation funny, you would be practicing with him daily, and then once school started you would be around all the time. Karina sent a reply saying ‘maybe this is the universe's way of telling you to get over the rivalry and kiss already’.

Occupied with the phone in your hand, you did not realize Sunghoon had even left the parking lot, let alone arrived at a location until he started to clear his throat. Noticing the stopped car, and the boy in the process of leaving his car, you followed suit. Exiting the vehicle, you met him at the front of his car, following him into the small little diner. You had never been into this diner before, it just was not the kind of place your friend group would have hung out, but seeing how the waitresses reacted seeing Sunghoon, it was the type of place his friend group would hangout.

Getting seated, it only took minutes for you to have menus and drinks in front of you. After ordering something, the table was quiet as you sat waiting for your food to arrive, neither of you wanting to break the uncomfortable silence. You continued to message Karina, updating her on everything, her annoying text crying about how you were on a date with Sunghoon, despite your denial and claiming it is only business.

Sunghoon sat silently, not knowing what to say or how to start, but seeing you on your phone was a good place. “You could at least put your phone up and we can start to discuss what we need to do.” He said it came off a lot more scolding and cold than he planned, but he honestly did not care at this point. He just wanted to get this over with, so you could perform together, then hopefully never have to look each other in the face again.

Scoffing, you texted Karina that you had to go, seeing her quickly replying with a comment about you two making out already, before putting it up. Looking at him, it felt odd, seeing him outside the rink, outside of the classroom. “We need to be able to get through this performance, just act like we don’t hate each other. As soon as we are done, we can go back to wishing we never had to be in the same room.” Sunghoon said, before extending a hand towards you, attempting to make some sort of agreement.

Extending your own hand, you shook his hand, before quickly dropping it. “We get through this performance, and then we go back to how we were before.” It was an easy agreement, since neither of you wanted to do this, but here you were. “We need to figure out what we are going to do for the rest of this week. However, they want us to spend time together, but that doesn’t mean we have to enjoy each other's presence.”

As the conversation was flowing, the food that had been ordered arrived, starting to eat, you thought about what you could do. Before setting foot back into the skating rink, the two of you needed to be able to at least be able to tolerate each other’s presence. Just being around each other was half the struggle, you could not learn the routine and be expected to perform it, if the two of you fought every time you were within the vicinity of each other. Your thoughts however were interrupted by a voice.

“What if we go to that carnival they are having in town, like Coach Lee mentioned?” Sunghoon questioned, in between shoveling food into his mouth. “That way we aren’t alone, being around others might make this whole forced bonding somewhat better.”

With a nod, you thought to yourself it might be the first good idea he’s ever had in his life. “Yeah, that would be okay. That way we can also go do other things if we start to fight, and I think it probably won’t be as dangerous as the rink could be if things get bad.” You said, the last part a murmur, before you continue to enjoy your own food.

As the two of you finished up eating, paying, and soon were back in his vehicle. Telling him your address, he quickly drove towards the side of town you lived on, going towards your house to drop you off. Exiting his vehicle, you thanked him, before running into your own house. After about twenty minutes you received a text from Sunghoon. He notified you that he made it home, and said to be ready at noon, since that was when he would be picking you up tomorrow for the carnival.

The two of you continued to text after that, quickly eight at night turned into midnight, and before long two in the morning, and you had fallen asleep waiting for his reply. Waking around ten in the morning, you thought it was odd how easily the two of you were able to talk without being face to face. Granted, most of the conversation was little things like what your hobbies are, what music you like, what movies you like, and other interests of yours. As you readied yourself to take a shower, you thought for the first time, maybe working with him will not be as bad as you thought it would be.

Getting dressed and having just finished drying and styling your hair, you heard a honk outside, followed by a vibration from your phone, notifying you of a text. Grabbing your phone and bag, you quickly made the way outside, seeing Sunghoon sitting in your driveway waiting for you. Quickly climbing into his car, you found yourself on the way to spend the day with him..

As he pulled into a small cafe, you exited his vehicle, following him inside as the two of you decided to eat lunch before going to the carnival. The conversation face to face was much more stunted than when you were texting, it was as though when texting you can imagine you are talking to someone else, but here face to face, you know it is just him. The two of you quickly finished your food and coffee, before resuming your trip to the carnival.

Upon entering the carnival grounds, you were surprised it was not that busy, but then again, it was the middle of the day during the week, most people were still at work. “Let’s go on the rides before they start to get really busy?” Sunghoon’s voice caught your attention, nodding your head, you followed him with haste, as you neared the rides.

Ride after ride, you were thankful that he suggested going on the rides first, since as the day went on, more and more people were arriving, queues turned from five minutes into thirty. As the two of you exited the last ride, you both wandered around the carnival grounds for a bit, taking in everything else there was to see. The extremely rigged carnival games caught your eye, while some obscene ridiculous fried food that consisted of something that should have not been battered and fried caught Sunghoon’s attention. “Let’s split up, and text when we are ready to leave?” You offered, watching as he quickly nodded, walking in an opposite direction from you.

Splitting up, you started to play a bottle toss game, attempting to knock down a stack of bottles that more than likely were either being held down with glue, or just too heavy for the small baseball to knock down. Eyeing the grey bunny hanging upon the vendor’s tent, you were determined to win, wanting nothing more than the small fuzzy animal to be your companion. Try after try, you failed, luckily no one else was waiting, so you just kept trying. It was the tenth time you had provided the vendor with your money, honestly, you had probably given him more than what the stuffed animal was worth at that point, when you decided to give up. Moving onto another game, hoping you would have more success.

Sunghoon watched from afar, eating his deep fried delicacy, as you stared starry eyed at the floppy eared grey bunny. He stifled a laugh watching as you failed to knock over even one single bottle, one failure turned into two, then five, then ten. He watched as you dejectedly walked away, seemingly giving up on obtaining the stuffed toy. Finishing his food, he made his way over towards the vendor, getting into line behind some other couples that were attempting the game. If you asked him what he was thinking, he would have said he did not know, why did he feel bad watching you fail repeatedly after seeing how badly you wanted the stuffed animal, why did he feel the need to win it for you now, why did his heart slightly ache watching you walk away sadly empty handed. As he got to the front of the queue, he paid for his turn, and he somehow managed to hit the stack of bottles just right, watching as the six bottles all tumbled at once. At that moment, even the vendor seemed shocked, muttering something about how the heat must have weakened the glue, but Sunghoon could care less, “The grey rabbit,” he quickly told the man, watching as the guy quickly grabbed it, handing it to him, before rushing him off so he could reset his game. By the time the rabbit was in hand, you had disappeared, off playing another game, leaving him stuck carrying the grey toy until he could find you again.

Venturing off, you started to play other games, winning little rings and candy bars, but no one else had a grey stuffed rabbit, much to your displeasure. Stopping at a food vendor, you bought a treat, as you finished it, you decided the only thing left for you to do was try that bottle game again, and maybe you would have better luck. Walking all over the carnival grounds, you searched for that game again, it took a while to finally find it, having ended up on the total opposite side of the grounds from where it was. As you neared the game, you saw the worst sight, an empty spot right where the bunny had hung just prior, someone else had already won it. With a sigh, you pulled your phone out, sending a quick text to Sunghoon, asking if he was ready to go, with a quick reply of sure, you told him you would meet him by the front gates. As you walked towards the front gates, you decided you would just have to buy a stuffed rabbit yourself, it would not be as fun as winning one, but at least you would have one then.

Nearing the gates, Sunghoon had beaten you to the gates, of course he would however, with his long legs making two of your steps into one. As you neared him, he caught sight of you, an odd look in his eyes, a look you had never seen before. Finally standing besides him, you felt something being shoved at you, taking it with shock, you looked down. Within your hands was the grey rabbit, looking up at Sunghoon, you started to mutter, “What..what..” unable to make a coherent thought.

Watching as Sunghoon ran his hand through his hair, he left out a sigh. “I saw you eyeing it, and you sucked at that game and it was pretty funny. But I felt kinda bad. I don’t want it. Just take it or I’ll throw it away.” He said, words taking no pauses, unsure of what to say, so he said everything.

You were taken aback, first at how soft he sounded, but then how harsh. He just could not make up his mind to be rude or nice, but you simply nodded your head, holding the rabbit close to your chest. “Thank you.” Being the only words to slip through your lips. With a nod, you started to follow him back to his car, hearing one of the gate working fawning over such a cute teenage couple, while another woman complained to her boyfriend about why could he not be sweet like that and get her a stuffed prize; you wanted to correct them, but you were by his car when it finally hit you what they said.

Climbing into his car, you decided he must have not heard what they said. Yet, as he started the car, he was thinking about it as well, having heard it. He started to leave the parking lot, fighting through the mass of traffic, people getting off work and bringing their families to enjoy a night at the carnival. As he drove you thought he would be taking you home, but instead he pulled into a familiar diner, the one he took you to yesterday. “Let’s eat dinner before we go home.” Was all he said, before exiting the car, leaving you to quickly follow him.

The conversation this time flowed a lot better than it had this morning. You could only guess it was the result of spending roughly seven hours experiencing the joy and fun of a carnival with him, which had made you two closer. Discussing the rides and games you played, and finally deciding what to do tomorrow. Just deciding to have an easy day, go to the movies and maybe hang out at the park afterwards.

The two of you finished eating dinner, to your surprise, Sunghoon quickly paid for it before you could pay for your own, leaving you shocked at his act, but that single act was a sign of the progress you two had made in just forty-eight hours. Climbing back in his car, staring at the road as he drove you home, you started to think maybe you never really hated him. Maybe it was just envy, envy that he was so much better at something you had trained so hard for your whole life, but it was not his fault he was naturally talented at it. As he parked in your driveway, you started to leave his vehicle, grabbing the rabbit, you turned to him, “I really enjoyed hanging out with you today.” You said to him quickly, before closing the door and making your way into your house, leaving him no chance to respond.

Pulling away from your house, if you could read minds, then you would have known that he honestly felt the same. As you laid in your bed, the stuffed rabbit situated on your pillow, you finally pulled your phone from your back pocket. With all the fun you were having, you completely forgot to respond to Karina’s texts, and they were sure a mess when you finally read them.

The first text she had sent you was a text asking if you were ‘spending time with your boyfriend today’, followed by roughly ten text of question marks, and a text saying ‘too busy making out with your boy to answer me’ followed by five crying faces. You quickly texted her back, ‘we had to hang out, remember’, ‘we did not make out’, and he is not my boyfriend’. After replying to those two, you scrolled to the rest of her messages, only to see a photo of the two of you taken at the carnival. The two of you were hand in hand, he was leading you from ride to ride, and the still was taken between two of the rides. She sent the picture along with twenty hearts of varying colors, saying ‘you and your boyfie’. Seeing the picture you immediately responded to it saying ‘who took this picture?’, and then once again repeating ‘he is not my boyfie’.

As you were replying to all of Karina’s texts, you got one from Sunghoon, leaving her and her delusions, you replied to him. He said he got home, and then confirmed the details for tomorrow, telling you when he would pick you up, and for you to have a good night. It was odd, but you honestly felt at peace talking to him, it was better than you would have thought. As you finished replying to him, Karina replied to you, ‘i took the pic bestie you were too enamored with your lover boy to notice I was at the carnival as well’, then quickly texting ‘i was gonna come up to you but i didn’t want to ruin your date’. Laughing at her reply, you could not believe your luck, of course she would be there, despite you not telling her you would be at the carnival. ‘It wasn’t a date’ you replied before adding ‘and he’s not my lover boy.’ As you sent the text, Karina was quick to send another, ‘he might not be your lover boy yet but mark my words he will be’.

With that last text, you put your phone up, deciding it was enough Karina for tonight. Her and her delusions can live happily together on their own, since you were tired after your fun day. As you drifted in and out of sleep, your mind started to think about what Karina said, and then started considering that maybe it would not be that bad if it was true. Yet, only if you knew that what she said was not just all delusions that live in her head.

The next few days went great, going to the movies, going to the park, going to the carnival again, and just hanging out with him. After a few days, you two honestly were getting along together a lot better than you would have thought. Had someone asked you last week what you would do if Sunghoon and you were in a small car together, you would have probably said fight, but instead the truth was talk about random things and sing along to random songs on the radio.

Before you knew it, it was time for you two to resume training, yet this time you two were ready. Throughout the prior week, the two of you had gotten used to each other’s company, you had become friends, and honestly the idea of skating with him did not seem as bad as you once thought. Starting to learn the program, the two of you quickly got the routine down, by the end of your first week you were just perfecting the routine. Even your coaches were shocked by the amount of growth the two of you had made during the week prior.

Practice soon just became the two of you running through your routine a few times, before just playing around the skating rink the rest of the time. Your coaches thought it might take the whole two months before school started to get you two comfortable with skating together, and having the whole routine down. But, instead here you two were three weeks in with a perfect routine, and wasting other time doing various tricks, giving each other advice, and just having fun.

The summer flew by, the two of you growing closer, even your coaches were confused as to what kind of relationship you had, both thinking you must be dating, due to how close you were. Your phone constantly was going off with text from Karina, her talking about your lover boy and giving you some oddly good advice coming from her, ‘if you don’t ask him out someone else will and you’ll miss your chance’. But, you did not know how he felt, since you had to skate with him, and you did not want to ruin the friendship you had forged throughout the past weeks. Yet, unbeknownst to you, he felt exactly the same.

Before you knew it, it was the last week before school started, and you had a competition to attend with your skating partner. As always, the routine went perfectly, each jump was executed perfectly, every lift was executed with ease. It was no surprise as the two of you received what were the highest scores of your skating careers, it showed you two were really meant to be pairs partners, even scoring higher than you ever did in singles. Despite having only been skating together for two months, the two of you easily took the gold, blowing all the other teams out of the water. The sheer amount of talent and passion was easily seen in your dancing, and you both played off each other’s energies so well.

As the judge announced you as the winner, you quickly hugged Sunghoon, he returned the favor. For a fleeting moment, it seemed as though you thought he might try to kiss you, but that was quickly over, the two of you having to focus on accepting your trophies and medals. The happiness and joy was evident in the air, you would have never thought competing with instead of against Sunghoon would bring you so much joy. After the mandatory photos and congratulations of your competitors and the judges, the two of you found your way back towards the locker rooms of the rink you were in.

You moved slightly as Sunghoon hit your hip with his own, gaining your attention with that cheeky movement. “You did good out there.” Was all that he said, before taking your hand in his own. You started to think of your own reply, but it never came out of your mouth. After taking your hand, Sunghoon had pulled you completely against his chest, his arm wrapping around your waist, before his head leaned down, quickly connecting his lips with yours.

Kissing Sunghoon felt like a fever dream, was it real, were you really kissing him, did he actually feel the same way you did. As you returned the kiss, bringing your empty hand up to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, as if there was any gap of space between you two. Breaking apart only as you both started to feel the slight burn in your throat from the absence of air, he rested his forehead against yours, gazing up into his eyes, you knew it was true, he felt the same way. “You did good.” You simply said, as the two of you separated, needing to go get out of your skating outfits. At your comment, you saw Sunghoon raise his eyebrow, obviously taking your comment to mean something else, “I mean on the ice you loser.” was quickly added.

With a short laugh, and a final soft kiss to your forehead, Sunghoon paused at the door to the men’s locker room. “Sure you did.” Was all he said, the sarcastic tone dripping from his words, he definitely took your comment as a compliment, and he would have it no other way. With that, he gave you no chance to respond, instead entering the locker room, leaving you standing in the hall.

Entering your own locker room, you changed into your comfortable clothing. Throwing everything into your gym bag, you prepared to leave, it was like everything hit you all at once. What had happened this summer would have been something you would think was a nightmare, had you been told about a year ago. Sunghoon and you were now friends, skating in pairs, and possibly about to be something more than friends. Leaving the room, you saw Sunghoon standing there, without saying anything he took your hand, leading you out of the rink and to his car.

As he placed your bags into the bag seat of his car, you texted your parents to let them know that Sunghoon would be bringing you home. Getting in as Sunghoon opened the door for you, with a sigh you then watched as he walked over to his own door, observing the male as he climbed in and started the car. The car ride to the diner was a comfortable silence, but during the whole ride, something was nagging at you, the idea of were you or were you not. Seeing how other than kissing you, he took no initiative to clarify what you two were, you decided to take it upon yourself. “What are we?” You asked, just as the car came to a stop, the diner in front of the car.

“What do you want us to be?” Sunghoon asked, as he turned to look towards you. “Since I know what I want, but I don’t know if you feel the same.”

Taking his hand, you started to play with his fingers as you stared into his eyes. “I think you know how I feel after earlier.” You reminded him. “And if you feel how I feel, then I want it just like you do.” Was all you said, before softly smiling at him.

Sunghoon simply took the hand that was playing with his fingers within his own hands, lifting it up his face, before softly kissing your hand. “Are you religious? Because you are the answer to all my prayers.” Was all he said, before lowering your hand, waiting for an answer.

Listening to his reply, you could not stop yourself from laughing. After seeing a cold Sunghoon for so long, it was odd to see a goofy pickup line using man in front of you. “Did you- Did you just use a pick up line on me?” You said in between your laughs.

As you started to laugh, Sunghoon did as well, laughter filled the car for a moment. It took a while for either of you to calm down enough to talk, and when he finally did, all he said was “Yes. Did it work?”

With a short laugh, a nod of your head, you unbuckle your seatbelt. “You didn’t need to use a pickup like to get me. You’ve already got me.” As you told him that, you leaned across his car’s middle console, bringing him into another kiss. The hand that was not being held by him found its way into his hair, holding him as close as you could in his cramped space.

For a moment, Sunghoon froze as your lips met his, before he quickly melted into the kiss. He released your hand that he held, one arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you against the console as much as he could, attempting to eliminate any space he could in between you, never wanting this to end. The two of you continued to kiss until the familiar feeling from before hit you, separating and leaning against each other’s foreheads, the both of you tried to catch your breaths. “I guess we can call this our first date.” Sunghoon said, once he felt able to talk again.

With a soft laugh, you looked up at him, “Usually you kiss after the date.” You notified him, before quickly placing another kiss on his lips, this time, pulling away before he could reciprocate. “Not before it.” You added, as you removed your hands from his hair, before leaning against the seat, still somewhat out of breath.

“Well, I guess we just did some things backwards,” Sunghoon replied, before he climbed out of the car. He quickly came to your side, opening the car door and helping you out. Hand in hand, the two of you entered the diner, the usual waitress that would serve you after your practices, noticing the two of you. A look in her eyes tells you that she had been waiting for this as well, it seems like everyone knew the two of you had feelings for one another, but each other.

Before long Sunghoon was pulling into your driveway, this time walking you to your front door, instead of just staying in the vehicle and making sure you got inside. “I enjoyed tonight.” You told him, as he walked you hand in hand to the door. Once at your door, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

“I enjoyed it too, and it will be the first of many.” Sunghoon said, reciprocating the hug, before he kissed you once more. This time, it was a fleeting peck, he then kissed your forehead and tip of your nose before releasing you from the hug. “Have a good night.” He said, pulling back and raising his arm, your gym bag in his hand.

Taking the bag, you turned to open the front door. “You too.” You said, before heading in, watching as he walked back to his car. Observing from the window by the front door, you watched him reenter his car, before backing up and driving away. After having the best skating performance of your life and a wonderful date with who at this time in your life, you feel is the love of your life. Telling your parents good night, you started towards your room. As you walk upstairs, you could hear your mother comment on the two of you. It seems even your parents felt the same way as the waitress, knowing the two of you would end up together.

Entering your room, flopping on your bed, it took everything in you not to squeal in happiness, instead you kicked your feet for a moment, the joy overtaking your body, a happiness you have honestly never felt before. After a few minutes, you decided to share the news, quickly video calling Karina, knowing she would be awake and waiting for updates. It only took one ring for her to answer, and you immediately started to spill everything to her. “We won,” was the start, but she was at the competition, and she knew that already. “And he kinda kissed me and then took me on a date.”

Karina was not as calm as you, the scream she released was heard through your phone speaker. “WHAT! HE WHAT! FINALLY!” Karina started to scream. “It took you all this time to realize you liked each other, I thought we might have been entering our idiots in love slowburn era, it took you two months, TWO MONTHS!” She said, not even giving you a chance to respond, but you just let her get all her feelings out. “I told you that you were going to fall for him, I told you. He’s your boyfriend, I told you this would happen, oh my god, I’m like a fortune telling, I told the future.” Karina started going off on some tangent, but at some point you just quit listening, falling asleep while on video chat with her.

Waking up in the morning, it was odd to see a text from Sunghoon, it said ‘good morning beautiful’, and that made you realize it was not a dream, you did not dream up this elaborate thing, it was real, indeed very real. Texting him back, you two started to plan your day, where to hang out and what to do. With it being only a week until school started, your routine stayed the same, hanging out and going on dates, enjoying being around one another, as school officially started. Yet, this routine of being together did not even change in the years to come.

Meeting him officially the summer before sophomore year, learning there was more to him than just being better at skating than you, was the most life changing moment of your life. You never thought that the person you once viewed as your enemy would be the one you were holding hands with in the hall, sneaking kisses from when no one was looking, and enjoying dates after hard practices at the rink with. You never thought that you would be the target of the looks of envy and hatred from the girls infatuated by him, usually Karina and you would make fun of the girls. Yet, here you were the target of their hatred, the fact that you did something they could never achieve, made him fall in love with you. It felt so natural, no one would understand what you had to do like he did, and you were both thankful for it.

Competing in pairs was something you had never thought of, but here you were three years into doing them, having taken nothing but golds with your handsome boyfriend by your side. Yet, as senior year was ending, things were starting to change. No longer was it talking about summer competitions, it was talking about college degrees and majors. Where did he want to go, where did you want to go, and oddly enough the surprise you both had when you found out you were accepted into the same school, Decelis University.

Had you known everything would change in a moment, you would have savored those moments a bit more. Enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms for a moment longer, the warmth he somehow provided despite the cold of the ice skating rink, the way he lit a fire in your heart, a feeling you never wanted to let die out. If only you could have predicted the future, well the genuine truth was, if only you had been more careful, and then it would not have happened.

Most people imagine their life in a realistic way, graduating high school, going to college, graduating college, getting a good job, getting married, and then starting a family. But life does not always work like that, sometimes the steps are out of order. Like when you two had your first kiss before your first date, that kind of out of order was cute and fun. But with it being only three months until you graduated high school, you realize you were doing things out of order as well, but this time it was not in the cute or fun way some people do.

Nothing hurt you as much as that little pink plus sign staring up at you from the test within your hand. You did not want to admit to your parents your cycle had been late, instead telling your best friend Karina. She would never judge you, since she would be a hypocrite especially seeing how she had had her own scares, which is why you felt comfortable coming to her. Yet, with the positive test in hand, you wanted to do nothing more than rewind your life back twenty minutes, and never bring the topic up. Ignore it until it was too late and others could tell, yet, at that point he would have also been able to tell.

“Hey, don’t worry, it might just be a false positive,” Karina’s voice said, trying to be helpful, “take another, or two more, that way we can be absolutely certain.” Wordlessly you allowed her to shove two boxes in your hands, before pushing you back into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, there sat three tests, identical little pink plus signs on each of them. It did not take long for Karina to realize what was going on, as she heard a concealed sob from the other side of the door. She quickly entered, enveloping you in her arms, the scene in front of her was all she needed to see. No words were spoken, the only sounds within the bathroom being your sobs, as your best friend held you close, letting you cry into her shoulder while sitting uncomfortably on her bathroom floor.

How long you cried, you were unsure of, just letting the tears fall until it felt like there were no more tears left to cry. Finally did you stand, resting your head on Karina’s shoulder as you spoke for the first time in a while, “What am I going to do?” Your voice was meek, weak, and soft, the consequences of all the crying you had just done. Luckily she did not reply, instead dragging you towards the comfort of her bed, allowing you to flop onto the pillow mattress, knowing the next conversation would be even worse.

Karina sat next to you, occasionally patting your head as she thought of what to say next. This was not the situation either of you thought you would be in, not at this point in your life, you still had three months of high school left, you had your college life, your career, your whole life ahead of you, but at the moment, it was all murky and uncertain. “You have to tell him,” was what she finally decided upon saying, “you aren’t alone, it’s his fault as well. You need to tell him.”

It was in that moment that it finally hit you, not only was your future dangling in the balance, but now his future was as well. Shaking your head you finally sat up, looking Karina in the eyes as you took her hands. “He can not find out, I’ll figure out something, but please promise me you won’t say anything, especially not to him. Please you need to promise me that.” You started to plead, the desperation obvious in your voice. While this might ruin your dreams of olympic figure skating fame, you would not allow it to ruin his.

A huff slipped from Karina’s lips before she nodded. “He’ll find out eventually, but I won’t tell him, but you will need to tell him soon.” She told you, unbeknownst to her, that you had already started formulating an idea of what to do within your head. Which within this plan, he does not find out, and you plan to keep it that way. After spending the day with Karina, the plan was already set within your head, you might ruin your own life, but you would not drag him down with you.

The first stage of your plan was to let your parents know, which oddly enough was easier done than you expected. The anger and disappointment you expected from them was absent, instead they were disappointed in themselves, angered that you felt you could not come to them with this. It hurt watching your mother cry as you explained yourself, “I never want you to feel you can’t come to us with something,” your mother cried, as you watched your father try to awkwardly soothe the two of you.

It was comforting knowing that they would support you the way you needed to be, be there for you and their future grandchild. While they disagreed with your idea to not tell Sunghoon, you were clear that your mind would not change, he had the potential to be the next olympic star, and you would not drag him down with you. It was with their help that you got the next stage of your plan completed.

The second stage of your plan was still going to be attempting college. Just because you were pregnant and going to be having a child, you were not going to let that define your future, you would go to college, get a degree, and get a good job for them. Yet, you had been accepted to your dream college, which was the same one Sunghoon had been accepted to as well, but luckily you had connections abroad. One call to your grandmother and she was clearing two rooms, while your parents helped you research universities in that area. Luckily you had not missed the application date for some of the universities that had your chosen major, quickly applying, and getting those acceptance emails. After high school graduation, you were leaving the country, going to live with your grandmother, and attending a university just twenty minutes from her house.

The third stage was the hardest stage of all, you had to break his heart, break your own heart, and remove yourself from his life. Just months earlier you would have said Sunghoon was the love of your life, you had started to envision a life with him, both in the skating world and outside of it. It would be a lie if you said you had not thought about your future, the idea of your boyfriend becoming your husband, the two of you living the rest of your life happily together. But, this was reality, not some daydream, and things do not always work out in real life.

You wanted to end things before graduation, but each and every time you could not. The way he looked in your eyes with nothing but love, causing you to stop in your tracks, instead just going along with what he had planned. The way he held your hand like you were the most precious thing in his life, caused your heart to break a little bit more each and every time you thought of what you had to do. Putting it off made it worse, and before long it was the day of high school graduation, and you had to do it that day, otherwise you might just leave him with no closure, and as much as it hurt, you could not do that.

The happy photos and joy of graduation had ended two hours prior, and now here you sat, hand in hand on the hood of his car, still in the parking lot at the school, watching as people milled about, slowly leaving. “I need to tell you something,” you started, knowing it would only get harder the more you waited, “I’m moving.”

Sunghoon nodded his head, without much thought, “Are you living in the dorms at Decelis or in the apartments off campus? I mean if it’s the apartments, we could always go in together, I wouldn’t mind getting out of my house, my little sister is getting to that annoying teenager stage and all afterall.” He was optimistic about the future, especially a future with you.

Shaking your head, you softly sighed, while you would love nothing more than that, it was just not in the cards for you. “No, Sunghoon, I’m moving, moving. Like leaving here, moving. I know we talked about Decelis, but I’ve been accepted near where my grandma lives. She needs my help, so I’m moving to be with her. I wish it didn’t have to be like this, I wish I could stay here, but I just can’t, she needs me more.” You said, once you started talking, it seemed like you needed to fill the void, coming up with things about your grandmother, lies at that.

“And I just, I love you, but I think it would be best if we just broke up. We are going to be in different places, different time zones, around different people, and I just think it would be for the best. You can probably find someone way better than I am for you in college, and you can focus on your skating. I think it would be for the best.” Despite wanting to be brief, instead it was practically like you were unable to stop talking, everything coming out rushed, part of you hoping he at least heard you, so you did not have to repeat yourself. Since, if you had to say again, you might break down, and you were hoping to save that until you were at home and alone.

“What,” was the first thing from Sunghoon’s mouth, “what are you talking about, moving, grandma, breakup. We can make it work, we can do long distance, I have faith in us, we can make it. Don’t just say it so easily, we can do anything, I believe in us.” He said, as your words started to hit him. He thought he knew you like the back of his hand, but it seems like he did not. There were so many things he did not know about you, it shocked him. You were moving out of the country, you were leaving him, and you were breaking up with him.

You refused to reply to him, instead just sitting in the uncomfortable silence, as what was said started to settle. He was the one to move from where you were seated first, wrenching his hands from yours, and getting off the hood of the car. Staying where you were for another moment, you wanted to relive those moments again, holding his hands and sharing soft kisses under the moonlight, before this uncomfortable tension set in. Moving, you stood up, making sure to stay on the opposite side of the car from where he stood.

“Get in the car, I’ll take you home.” Was all Sunghoon said, a coldness audible from his words. He had dreamed of a future with you, being the it couple on campus, possibly going to the Olympics together, skating with one another for as long as time would allow. He was happy, and he thought you were as well, but all he can think is that sometimes people are wrong, and he was wrong for thinking you felt the same as he did.

The ride home was silent, neither of you spoke, and despite how much it hurt, you just kept reminding yourself it was for the best. He can continue skating like nothing happened, he can move on to someone better, and you will move on with your life. Raise your child, your daughter according to what the latest ultrasound results claimed, and allow him to achieve what you know he can. It felt like time was passing extremely slowly as he drove to your house, minutes feeling like hours, and you hated it, no longer was the silence comfortable or enjoyable, it was cruel and it was cold.

Not a word was spoken as he stopped in front of your house. It hurt as you heard his car’s engine revving, quickly driving off, before you had even approached the door of your house. Tears began to fall, knowing you had hurt him so badly he did not even care enough to make sure you got to your front door. Entering the house, the tears fell faster, what little strength you had holding them in failed as you reached your room. It only took minutes for your pillow to be soaked, the pain you felt in this moment, worse than any pain you felt before. But, you would deal with it for him, you would not bring him down with you.

Stage three of your plan was the hardest, and you felt that pain as you cried almost all night. The tears only stopped when you passed out, your body being unable to take crying anymore. When you awoke the next day, it was close to three in the afternoon, yet with how much you were crying, it made sense. You had broken up with him, not all you had to do was remove any trace of yourself from his life. Mostly, any remnants of yourself from your joint refuge of years, the skating rink.

For the two years you were together, the skating rink was a safe haven, where you often would enjoy each other's presence and have dates. It was where you met, where you worked through all your problems, where you fell in love, and now it needed to just be an ice rink, instead of everything it was before. Luckily you knew his schedule, you knew he would not be there, and you knew more than likely he was home doing the same thing you had been last night, crying.

Entering the rink you immediately went to the locker room, clearing out the space that held your belongings for the last fourteen years. You had spent that long doing what you love, and here it was coming to an end quicker than you would have ever thought. As you stared at things you removed from the locker, mostly photos of your performances, specifically of stills from Sunghoon and your pairs performances, you failed to hear the doors of the locker room opening. Coach Kim might have been harsh, but she was always there when you needed her. It would be a lie if you said it did not hurt when you told her you were quitting, telling her the same story you told Sunghoon, your grandma and going abroad. But Coach Kim had been there in your life longer than he had, and she knew it was more than just that.

“He’s gonna find out one of these days and feel extremely betrayed that you kept this from him.” Coach Kim’s voice softly said, within the silent and almost empty locker room. You could lie all you want, but she knew what was going on, she knew why you were quitting, but what she could not understand was why you were hiding it from him. A laugh slipped from her lips, looking at your shocked face, mouth agape trying to create a response. “Don’t deny it dear, I could tell you were pregnant last month. Skating is a good workout and it helps keep a lot of the weight from being gained, but I could still see that little bump on your lower stomach. I know you are quitting to not tell him, but you need to tell him, I genuinely think he would stand by you and support you. That boy’s in love with you, he would do anything for you, anything for the both of you.” Coach Kim sat on one of the benches, patting the spot besides her, for you to join her.

Sitting by her, it took everything in you not to cry once again. “I just, I can’t.” you muttered, trailing off, murmuring some unintelligible things. Staring at the photos in your hands, you started to question yourself. Was this plan really for the best, was it really what you needed to do, was telling him the truth better? But, at this point it was too late, you already made all your plans, flights were booked, and you had ended this with him.

Gazing at the photo in your hands, Coach Kim smiled, it was from your first performance with him. “You know why we paired you two up?” She asked, eyes looking from the photo to you. “When he first joined, he watched you skate, he thought it was cool, and he commented to Coach Lee that he thought you were really pretty. We always thought that you two might become friends on your own, but instead of friendship, you both just seemed to hate each other. So, we decided to pair you both together. We thought you might become friends, that the bad energy between you two would go away. We never would have guessed that the two of you would fall in love, but honestly, watching as you got close, we realized it was inevitable. He would stare at you like you had put the stars up in the night sky just for him. And you would stare at him up at him like he was the moon in your dark night sky. You two completed each other, neither Lee nor I had seen such genuine passion between a pair, since you were not only passionate about skating, but also about each other. A little bit too passionate at the wrong time if you ask me.” She said, her hand gently brushing your stomach as she said her last sentence. Glancing at her watch, she started to stand, offering you her hand, to help you stand as well. “Don’t let this be a goodbye, just let it be a bye for now. You will always be welcome here, even if I’m not your coach and you aren’t training anymore. Our doors will always be open for you, and my office is open if you need to talk, and you know my phone number.” She finished, before heading out, having to attend her next session.

As she left, you were left with all your thoughts once again, and despite the feelings of regret, you had to push on, it already had been done, and you needed to see it through. Quickly you shoved everything in your bag, wanting to get out of here before you broke down crying. It was more difficult than you thought it would be, but maybe that was just because of Coach Kim’s speech. Leaving the locker room, it hurt, knowing this would probably be the last time you were here. Going from being here almost daily for fourteen years, to not being here at all, and despite how much you went through in training, you would miss this place.

Stage four of your plan started as you arrived home, starting to pack up everything you had for the trip. You were going to stay abroad for who knows how long, a year, two years, maybe the rest of your life. But for now, you just packed essentials, two suitcases, your parents telling you they can always send more in boxes if you need it, but part of you knew it would be useless. It would either be things that do not fit anymore or things you no longer need. It took about twelve hours for you to be satisfied with how you were leaving everything, your room not empty, but trivial things set aside to be donated, broken things set aside to be trashed, and what you felt would have value set aside to be kept. Yet, there was one thing you hid, not wanting to see it, but also not wanting to trash it. A singular box, it was deep purple with silver stripes, within it held every memory of your time with Sunghoon. It sat on the top of your closet shelf, above some boxes of blankets and quilts you were leaving here, wanting nothing that would remind you of him to go abroad with you, except for your memories and the growing child in your stomach.

You kept yourself locked in your house for the next three days, not wanting to chance running into Sunghoon, his sister, or his parents in town. The only person you saw that was not family within those days was Karina, as she tried to convince you to stay, tell him, and live happily ever after. But, as she stood alongside your parents watching you board the plane, she knew even her attempts were useless. Karina stood in your mom’s embrace, the two of them crying, as your father wished things could be different. But in twenty-six hours you would be in another country, at your grandmother's house, rebuilding your life there away from everything you ever knew, and away from the love of your life.

Living with your grandmother was great, she was a wonderful person, and despite her views of your teenage pregnancy, she would always support you and be there for you. The first year living with your grandmother was great, despite six months into it a third roommate being born, she was always willing to help and be there. When you decided to take a gap year instead of starting university straight away, she was supportive of you. When you decided to get a job to help pay for things, she was always willing to care for her great granddaughter. Despite her old age, she was always there and willing to help you, whenever needed.

A year became two, and then three. Being in your sophomore year at university with a two year old daughter was not something you would have thought was in your future had someone asked you years ago. In high school you would have claimed skating in the Olympics, or skating in the Olympics with Sunghoon, depending what year you asked. But here you were, raising a two year old, attending school, working, and supporting your grandmother. A life that was a lot better than you would have initially thought.

Yet, not all things stay happy, they say bad things happen in groups of three. Despite it being near the end of your sophomore year, a time that should be joyous, you completed two years of university, it was anything but. It took one bad fall for your grandmother to end up in the hospital, actually, it took one bad fall for your grandmother to not be leaving the hospital at all. The house you were living in was taken out by a fire, a lightning bolt hitting it at the wrong time, igniting a fire and taking the whole thing down, luckily you were not at home when it happened. It took one regular check up for your mom to call you with bad news, your dad had been diagnosed with cancer, and he did not have long left. Despite leaving back home so quickly, you were still too late. A three in the morning call told you the worst news, he had passed, his last words being that he loved your mother, you, and Sohee.

Three horrible things, just one after another. This was how you ended up in talks with your mother, planning to move back home, back in with your mother, and finishing your university there. You were shocked when you applied to Decelis and they accepted a transfer, even offering some of the same benefits you had been offered before. Three years should be enough, you thought, he should not be there or in your classes. You should not have to be around him or worry about him, or so you thought.

Karina was the only friend you stayed in touch with during your time abroad, knowing she was the only one that would not immediately tell anyone who asked why you left. So, it was not a surprise when you entered the terminal only to hear a shrill voice yelling out your name, along with your daughter’s name.

“SOHEE!!!!” Karina yelled at the top of her lungs, grasping the small child in her arms, squeezing her with one arm, as she began squeezing you with the other. A short laugh left your lips, as a look of realization fell upon your daughter's face. “You are just so much cuter in real life, oh my gosh photos aren’t enough.” Karina squealed, starting to pick up the two year old, as your daughter started to realize the woman in front of her was her auntie she only saw in photos. “And look at you, oh my gosh, you look amazing, I’d never guess you produced this while looking like that.”

Allowing Karina to carry your daughter, you grabbed your luggage, following the two of them as you left the terminal. “It’s so odd being back home. I thought we’d stay until I graduated at least. But it was just like one thing after another, but I’m glad we’re back. She’ll finally get to bond with her auntie in a way that isn’t just through facetime now.” You said, poking Karina with your elbow at the last part. “I’ll finally be able to have some me time, since you’ll get to enjoy some auntie and Sohee time.”

“I’ll take all the auntie and Sohee time I can get, like look at this precious little angel, what’s the worst she’s gonna do, bite me.” Karina said, still absolutely enamored with the child she was carrying in her arms. Loading the Sohee into a car seat, she then came back to help you load the luggage into the back of the car. “She really does look like him though.” She muttered, watching as you sadly nodded.

Despite DNA being a fifty-fifty sort of deal, it seems your daughter got his looks, even having identical moles on her nose like he had. If she had short hair, people would probably think it was a baby photo of Sunghoon, and not your daughter. “Hey, she’s got my attitude though, so I think that’s a bit more of a problem than the fact she looks identical to him.” You replied, your voice starting to weaken as you ended your sentence. You carried her for ten months, just for her to come out looking like the person you were trying to forget, as if that was not some type of cosmic justice in some way.

Getting into the car, Karina drove to your parents house, the drive quiet, as Sohee had fallen asleep in the car seat. “Is it bad that I don’t want to wake her?” Karina softly asked you, as you arrived at your house, Sohee’s sleeping figure in the car seat looking akin to an angel, a drastic contrast from the usual rambunctious and energetic toddler she usually is.

The flight was stressful for the toddler, you were just luckily she had been quiet during it. Instead of screaming and crying, she was being coddled and cuddled by a sweet elderly couple that sat in the seats across from you, allowing you to rest as Sohee got all the attention her little heart desired from all the people around on the plane. She was genuinely such a lovely sweet child, and you were grateful for that. Even as an infant she did not throw much of a fuss, she slept through the night with ease, cried sparingly, and honestly was more mannered than most children. Even now, in her aptly named terrible twos, she was just energetic and excitable, rather than throwing tantrums and screaming at the top of her lungs. The energy and joy from the flight had worn off, causing her to sleep so deeply, you were sure even the slamming car door would not wake her.

Shaking your head, you turned and looked at Karina, watching her still observing her niece’s angelic sleeping face. “It’s fine, just keep an eye on her and I’ll take our stuff in. She’s probably tired from the flight, afterall we were on that plane for over twenty hours.” Getting out of the car, you quickly started removing your luggage from the back of Karina’s car, transporting it to your parents house. A sigh of relief passed your lips as you took out your old house key, seeing it still worked to unlock the door, placing your bags just within the door, you made a mental note to take them to your room later.

Returning to the car, you were greeted with a bright and smiling face, little Sohee trying her hardest to get out of the carseat. “She woke up on her own,” Karina quickly said, thinking you may have thought she had awakened her. Simply nodding your head, you helped the child out of the carseat. Upon her small shoes hitting the ground, she was off, running circles around the grass of your house’s front yard. Karina exited her car, locking the doors before following you towards your house. A laugh slipped past your lips as you watched her quickly scoop up the running toddler, carrying her into the house, before you entered behind them.

Sohee quickly took to exploring the new environment, luckily your mother had baby proofed the house the moment she heard the two of you were returning. With that thought, you needed to call your mom soon, see how she was doing. You knew how she handled stress, throwing herself in work and not taking any breaks. Leaving Karina to watch Sohee, you entered your old bedroom, it looked the same as the day you left it. Your parents really did leave it just in case you needed to come back, the only thing they did during the three years was clean it, keeping a layer of dust from accumulating.

Calling your mother’s number, you expected her to answer it immediately as she always did, but assuming she was so tied up in her work, it was not a surprise when it went to voicemail. “Hey mom, call me when you see this. I just wanted to check in, see how you are doing. Sohee and I arrived safely, Karina brought us home, and Sohee’s currently finding her way around the house. Please don’t work too much, come home as soon as work is over, no overtime today, we’re excited to see you. I love you.” Ending the call you stared at your phone, seeing no immediate reply, it hurt, but you knew her, and hopefully she would see the message.

Using the time Karina was spending with Sohee, you started to bring your luggage to your room, unpacking quickly. You were happy to see a second bed in your bedroom, allowing both Sohee and you to have your own bed. As you shoved your clothing in the dresser and closet, something caught your eye, a purple box, and it took everything in you not to pull it down from where it sat. Tears almost came to your eyes, before the little voice just outside the doorway caught your attention, “Mommy,” being yelled by little Sohee.

“Yes, sweetie.” You replied, leaving the closet and seeing your sweet child staring up at you with wide eyes, before she started looking around the room. “This is my old room, and this is where we will be staying from now.” You simply told her, leaning down, looking in her eyes. “You see that bed right there,” you started, pointing to the smaller bed near the bigger bed, “that one right there is your bed, it’s all your own.” At that, the toddler squealed, running towards the Hello Kitty sheets covered bed, jumping onto it with excitement, pulling the soft pink sheets around her small body.

You were lucky she was taking this change well, she adapted to the new environment quickly, much quicker than you had when you moved. It was not even a minute later, her little body was in slumber, all her energy and excitement from earlier drained, she was once again asleep. Closing the door quietly behind you, you left the room, going to find Karina. Upon seeing her, the girl was looking around, obviously for Sohee thinking she lost the child. “She’s sleeping again, all the running tired her out.” A laugh slipped past your lips, seeing the obvious look of relief upon Karina’s face, letting her know she did in fact not lose your daughter.

After soothing her worries, you found your way back downstairs, sitting on the couch, as Karina took a seat next to you. As the two of you sat together, you started catching up. It was like no time had passed at all, the conversation flowed between the two of you without much effort, with just as much ease as it had before you left. The only time it stilled was when you went to check on Sohee, bringing her down into the living room once more, seeing her awake. You learned all about what Karina was doing, where she worked, her major, and how much longer she had until graduation.

While she had not taken a gap year as you had, she did however change majors after two years, causing a whole year of her classes to be useless. Despite how it set her back, you were happy you would not be alone going into your junior year, especially hearing as she said she was majoring in the same program as you were. While you were happy to hear that, you were sad to find out that you two were not taking the same classes, meaning you would have to make some new friends, or at least new acquaintances.

The conversation flowed, the two of you watching the young child playing on the floor, and it was not long before you heard a door opening. Your mother had finally arrived, it was late, the sun had already set an hour before, your mother obviously had not listened to her voicemails, instead throwing herself into work as she always did when stressed. At the arrival of your mother, Karina took her leave, excusing herself to go home.

Despite it being past sweet Sohee’s bedtime, you could not find it in yourself to take her to bed, instead allowing her to stay up to see her grandma in person for the first time in a while. One of your biggest regrets was your father not having much time with her, however, you would make sure your mother got to spend all the time she wanted with your daughter. You were unable to change the past, but you would make sure your mother did not have the same fate. As you thought of that, a singular string of words passed through your mind, what about Sohee’s father, does he not deserve the same courtesy.

A look of confusion painted your mother’s face as Karina slipped past her, leaving, then upon seeing her girls in the living room. “When did you get home?” She asked, setting her stuff on the floor, rushing over to pull you into a hug, before scooping Sohee’s small figure off the floor.

“I guess you didn’t listen to your voicemails.” You simply said, returning the hug, watching as your daughter clung to her grandma, recognizing her from photos. “We arrived a bit after noon, Karina picked us up and stayed with us until you got here.” The image of your mother softly bouncing your daughter, as she ruffled the girl's long black hair was a sight you would not forget, while the pregnancy was unplanned, at least Sohee was not unwanted or unwelcome in this world.

Your mother shook her head, she had not even thought about checking her phone, expecting nothing but the usual regards from old friends and well wishes. She was completely enamored with the small girl in her arms, the little toddler clinging to her neck, yawning, obviously tired. “Let’s put her down and then we can continue talking.”

Nodding your head, you watched as your mother took Sohee to your bedroom, tucking her into her bed. “I love you. Mama, nana, Rina.” gently slipped past the toddlers lips as she was laid in the bed, quickly falling asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

The talk with your mother was long overdue, you rarely had time to speak when you were away, with time zones and all. You learned before about what had happened just before coming back, how your father went from fine to deathly ill, apparently he had not been fine, and had actually just been hiding it from your mother, so the onset was not sudden it was just hidden. While talking, your mother promised to cut back on her overtime, to only work until the end of her day, not hours over. Which, after seeing how she reacted to seeing her granddaughter, you had no doubt she was being truthful, obviously wanting to spend more time with the toddler.

Going to bed after talking with your mom, you felt comfortable, maybe it was the old reliable bed that you were laying in, or maybe it was just being back home, the surroundings being something you were accustomed to. But, either way, you felt comfortable, sleep came with ease. Despite the stress of starting at a new university, you were excited for what was to come, for both you and your daughter.

The next month went by quickly, days spent between looking for a job, hanging out with Karina, and raising your daughter. Your mother was true to her word, actually cutting back her hours, going to part time, allowing her to be around the home more. Karina was always a help as well, willing to watch Sohee while you went to job interviews and got your information changed back to your home address. It was not long before it was just before school was to start, you had been luckily enough to avoid running into any of your former high school classmates, but you knew you would not be as lucky at university, since you knew at least a few would probably be in the same program as you, and all you could hope was that no one caught on, the last thing you needed was for word to get back to him.

Your first day of university was on a Monday, meaning Karina was baby sitting Sohee, seeing how she had Tuesday and Thursday classes, and you were on your way to class. Upon sitting in your first class, it felt more homely than your classes abroad did, no longer were classes full of over five hundred people, instead they were capped at fifty, which you were thankful for. As the class started to fill, not a singular face was recognizable, as it finally was full, you knew no one, and for that, you were thankful.

This happiness continued until you were in your last class of the day, the other three having not a singular familiar name or face, but of course your luck was running too thin by the end of the day. Class started as normal, the teacher reading the classlist, marking those who were there and those who were not. It was going great until they read a certain name, “Sim Jaeyun,” the teacher, Mrs. Byun read aloud, to no comment. Hearing the name, you thought it must just be someone with the same name, that can happen, it is not rare. “Jake Sim? Sim Jaeyun?” The teacher repeated, “Has anyone seen him, or is he just running late?”

Hearing the name, your blood ran cold, it was him, of course it had to be someone you knew, and worst of all Sunghoon’s best friend. As the teacher continued, you started planning how to drop the class. It was not required by your major, you had like three other classes you could pick from, but none of them worked with your schedule. You were almost lost in thought when the door opened, and walked no other than Jake himself.

You watched as he apologized to the teacher, saying something about running late in his prior class, before taking one of the only available seats in the class. After he entered, you looked back down at your desk, staring at the blank sheet of paper your notebook was opened to. Had you been looking up, you would have seen the look of realization that fell upon his face as his eyes caught your figure. After marking Jake as present, she continued with the class list, your name being called soon after. “Here.”

Upon seeing your face, Jake thought to himself how uncannily that person looked like you. But, it could not be you, since it had been three years since you left to another country. He would have heard if you were back, or at least assumed he would have. Yet, upon hearing the teacher call your name, and a familiar voice responding, he knew he was right. It had been three years, but he would never forget the face of the person who destroyed his best friend, broke his heart, and ruined his dreams. If you were sitting closer to him, you would have been able to see his phone screen, as he sent a simple message to a group chat consisting of three people, Heeseung, Jay, and Sunoo. The message only said ‘she’s back’.

It felt like class was going on forever since you realized who it was sitting two seats in front of you. The end of class could not come quick enough, and when it finally did, you quickly exited, evading an attempt to grab your arm. The fleeting feeling of a hand on your wrist let you know Jake tried to stop you, but you continued walking, escaping his grasp. He was probably going to try to threaten you to leave Sunghoon alone, but he had nothing to worry about, since you planned on never seeing his handsome face again, unless it was on the other side of the television screen, watching him as he skates his heart out, achieving his dreams, a dream you gave up on so many years ago.

This class was your last of the day, so you instead quickly went home, wanting nothing more than the adorable face of your little girl to distract you from what had happened today. Getting to Karina’s house, you soon found yourself seated on her sofa, watching Sohee play with some of the toys she had brought to show Aunt Rina this morning.

It was as though Karina could tell something was off, maybe it was how you were sitting on edge, or how you were unable to relax into the sofa. “What happened today?” She softly asked, luckily Sohee was too caught up on her toys to pay attention to what the two of you were saying.

“Jake.” You simply replied. “He’s in one of my classes and I’m pretty sure he recognized me.” After saying that, all you could do was pull your legs up to your chest, wanting nothing more than to disappear after seeing a part of your past you had tried so hard to hide from. If he knew, you knew it would only be a matter of time before everyone else knew, Sunghoon knew. You just hoped that if he did find out, he would not approach you, the last thing you needed right now was to deal with those feelings.

Even all these years later, you still loved him, Sunghoon was your first love, and according to how your heart felt, it planned to make him your last as well. While abroad, no guy ever made you feel the way Sunghoon did, no guy took your breath away like he did, no guy made butterflies flutter within your stomach like he did, no guy held a candle to him. No guy even got to take you out on a date, since those initial feelings were not there, your heart still holding onto its feelings for one specific man, Park Sunghoon. You were sure he would not give you the time of day now, after breaking his heart on a dime, leaving him with only forty-eight hours notice you were leaving, hiding what you have from him; you would not give yourself another chance if you were in his shoes, so why would he. Pushing those feelings aside, all you could think about was how he probably did exactly what you told him to. He found another girl, someone better, she was probably prettier than you, probably better at ice skating than you were, and probably was loved by him just as you once were.

Tears slipped down your face without your knowledge, it was not until a soft hand was felt on your face, Karina wiping the stray tears away. “You still love him don’t you?” She softly questioned, being able to read you like a book.

If it was not for your toddler playing away on the floor, you would have burst into tears, but you needed to remain strong for her, for your daughter. She did not need to see her mother like this, crying, especially crying over a man, especially when the man probably did not even love her anymore, especially when she knew the man did not love her any longer. It broke you to admit it, but you knew you would have to get over it some day, and the sooner the better. “I just, I don’t know what I’m feeling, like I shouldn’t, but I kinda do.” Was all that was said, before you decided to change the topic. “I just hope he doesn’t tell him,” you started, taking it back to the topic at hand, Jake, “What if he does? What if they find out about Sohee? I just, maybe I should just take another gap year.” You said, starting to ramble, and wondering why he was in a class for juniors anyways, since he should be a senior.

“You could always tell him,” Karina started, before immediately deciding this was not the hill she would like to die on, “I’m sure he won’t, I mean, he might tell Sunghoon you are back around, but how would they find out about Sohee, no one knows except me, your mom, and you. I know he was close to your mom, but after you broke up, he stopped talking to her.” Karina moved, hugging you, rubbing your back, as she tried to sooth you. “Don’t take another gap year, just ignore him, what’s the worst thing that could happen, you have to do a class project with him? You do the project and go on with your day. You don’t have to talk to him about anything other than class work, you don’t have to befriend him or anything, and if he tries to start something, tell me and I’ll fight him.”

Karina always knew how to make you laugh, you only imagine her trying to fight the boy that had quite a bit of height on her, and knowing her, she would do it if you asked her to. “Professional. We have class together, it does not mean we need to be friends again or anything.” You mutter under your breath, nodding your head, before looking up at her. Deciding to finally return her hug, wrapping your arms around her, you squeezed her tightly before letting her go. “Thank you so much.” You mumbled against her shoulder.

After that day at Karina’s house, you decided to not let him bother you. The worst he could do is tell Sunghoon, then all you could do is ignore him, but it seems he did not tell him after all. The next day nothing happened, then the day after you had class with him again, but once again, nothing. You thought maybe he was no longer friends with him, but you also knew better than that. It just seems he had not told Sunghoon of your return, and for that you were thankful.

Classes progressed as normal, until Friday, of course it was the end of the first week of classes, but it was not too early for a massive project, at least according to one of your professors. Most professors wait until you have had classes for a few weeks before throwing any big project on you, but not Mr. Yoon, he decided week one was the perfect week to start a project worth ten percent of your final grade. Luckily it was not due until week four, but still that left three weeks to get it done, or you would end up only being able to get a B in his class at best.

Your group consisted of three people you only knew through your class, for which you were grateful, no one you knew from high school was in your group, which was wonderful. Jungwon, Sakura, and Sunoo were the people you had been assigned to. Staying for a bit after class, the four of you discussed when to meet up to work on it, and other miscellaneous things about your schooling. Jungwon was only a sophomore, but was allowed to take some advanced classes, something about him getting credits while in high school allowing him to be a bit advanced. Sakura was somewhat of a super junior, having changed her major three times, but she swore this time it would stick, no more changing for her, this was it. Sunoo was a junior like you were, oddly enough it seemed as though he already somewhat knew Jungwon, but you were not entirely sure.

Leaving to return home to your daughter, your first thought was how oddly well the week went. You did not run into Sunghoon, you saw neither Jay nor Heeseung, two of his other friends, and Jake did not try to speak to you again after the first day, but also you sorta ran outta class everyday so he did not have the chance either. The thought that the semester might be great was the first thing you could think of, since the classes did not seem that bad, nor did your classmates.

As you watched Sohee practically devour the food on her plate, your phone buzzed, the group chat that you had been added into for your group project. There was already a text from Jungwon asking when everyone wanted to meet, it was quickly decided that the four of you would meet up the next day at a cafe in town to work. Hopefully the coffee and pastries would help you get through the work quicker. As you four texted, you came up with a game plan of what to do. First, pick the topic of your research. Second, decide who was doing what. Third, create your presentation with your research.You laughed, reading as Sunoo replied to the three steps with a fourth. Fourth, turn in your amazing project and slay that grade.

Looking up, you put your phone away, starting to clean up, before putting Sohee down. She had taken your starting school back a lot better than you expected. It was great that she was so adaptable, she had no problem staying with Karina or your mother as you worked and went to class. Gazing at her sleeping form, you decided you needed to take her out once you were a bit more stable in the school year, let her enjoy a trip to a fair or some sort of playplace, you knew she would enjoy that.

Starting to prepare for bed yourself, you noticed your mother still was not home. It was odd, she had been so good about not working overtime. Shooting her a quick text message, you asked her ‘are you okay, working over time again, let me know when you get home’, not knowing whether she would see it or not. Finally settling down in bed, you fell asleep quickly, hoping that tomorrow would go as well as you hope it will.

Upon waking up, you saw a reply from your mother, but it did not say something you expected it to. Instead of her saying sorry she had to cover another shift, as she usually did, instead she explained she got recruited for a last minute business trip, she would be back in a week or so she claimed. Sighing, you realized you might have to cancel your group, your mom was usually off on Saturday’s, so you assumed she could watch Sohee. Karina worked on Saturday’s, so you knew you would be unable to get her to help you.

It took you until you had finished fixing breakfast for Sohee and yourself to decide what you were going to do, instead of canceling, you sent a quick text to the group chat, ‘is it okay if I bring a guest? the sitter canceled and our backup isn’t available” Maybe it was wrong of you to not explicitly say it was your child, but honestly it was not anyone’s business whether this child was yours or not, for all they know it could be your sibling or just a friend’s child. Luckily they all quickly agreed, and after breakfast you spent the rest of the morning getting the two of you ready for working on your project.

Packing your own bag, making sure you had your laptop and books, led to Sohee wanting her own bag to take. As you placed a small children’s book, your tablet, some headphones, and a small toy into the bag, she grabbed a random stuffed rabbit. Looking at the rabbit, you were confused as to where she had gotten it, staring at the flopping ears of the toy, it hit you. It was something Sunghoon had given you, the grey soft toy sent your mind into a trip down memory lane. It was what made your feelings towards him start to change in the first place. That first day spending time together, the two of you decided to visit the carnival that was in town, trying to become at least friendly. You played a game, trying to win the stuffed toy yourself, however you failed repeatedly. Unbeknownst to you, he had watched you fail over and over again, deciding to try his own luck once you moved onto another game. He won the game with ease, the grey rabbit being the prize he saw you eyeing before, and he quickly chose it as his prize. Giving it to you at the end of the night, claiming he won it and did not want it, he only admitted that he won it for you after you started dating, claiming he saw how much you sucked at the games and wanted to help you. How Sohee had found it, you were unsure, but upon seeing the purple box sitting on the floor of the closet, the blankets it was sitting on top of were gone, you knew your mother had placed it down there, probably giving Sohee the toy without a second thought.

Watching as she hugged the rabbit tight, the small child nuzzling her face into the long ears of the rabbit, it reminded you of how you slept with it on your bed at night, how Sunghoon had sprayed it with his cologne, claiming he did it so it would smell like him. Hearing the soft murmurs of Sohee as she talked softly to her toy, you did not have the heart to take it from her, instead letting her enjoy the rabbit, thinking maybe one day you would tell her the toy was from her father.

Glancing at your clock, you realized you needed to get going if you wanted to get to the cafe in time. Sohee was ready, just waiting for her backup, so quickly placing it on her, you grabbed your own, and the two of you started your walk to the cafe. The cafe was luckily just around the corner from your own house, so it took not even ten minutes of walking to get there, and you were hoping that the walking would sort of tire the toddler out so she would not be a distraction while you were working with your project group.

Upon entering the cafe, you were happy to see no one else there, being the first to arrive meant you were not late, and also that you were allowed to select a table away from all the others currently occupying the cafe. Taking the only table that would seat all five of you, you placed Sohee on a seat in the corner, getting her situated before looking at the menu. The only thought on your daughter's mind was the sweets however, her mumblings about the cookies and cupcakes. Letting her decide what she wanted, you quickly picked her up, going over to the counter, ordering yourself a coffee while getting her one of the large cookies she was staring at.

Sitting back down, you hoped that it would keep her busy, so you could work. You started to get your books out, along with other things that were needed as you waited. Sakura was the first to arrive, quickly noticing you alongside the small child who would have been absolutely devouring her massive cookie had she not been in public. Sohee sat quietly, watching with her large brown eyes as Sakura sat on the other side of her, and started to fawn over her. A soft laugh left your lips, quickly telling Sakura her name, before you say the third member of your group enter, Jungwon. Not even a minute later, Sunoo arrived, in the middle of the other two members of your group talking and commenting on how adorable the small little girl sitting next to you was.

Once you were all there, you started to get to work, the others pulling out their notebooks and all, while they started to order their own coffee, in preparation to get this work started. “We need to pick our topic first.” Jungwon announced, as he sipped his own drink, pausing for a second before he seemed to remember something. “Mr. Yoon gave me a list of topics, I know I have it here somewhere.” He commented, starting to search through his folder, you were lucky he seemed to take the position of leader of the group, seeming to fit into the role so naturally, there was no need to try to change who was leading the discussion. Jungwon easily took charge of the group, starting to outline everything that was needed for the assignment.

As you all read the list of topics, you quickly decided upon one, granted after a few complaints from Sakura about how each topic was a psychology topic, like she forgot this was a psychology class. The three of you started to outline who would research what, compiling a list of what each of you would be doing. Getting everything set up on your laptop, you have a document and powerpoint prepared with each of them added, so they can do their own parts as they complete their work. Despite how you were all working fluidly and quickly together, quite a bit of time passed. By the time you realized it was a few hours later, sweet little Sohee had curled herself up in her seat, softly sleeping while clutching her stuffed toy.

If you were not so caught up in working, you would have noticed the odd looks Sunoo was casting towards the small child ever so often. Sunoo did not attend the high school you did, so you did not know him, but he knew of you. It was his first year of university when he met Sunghoon, Jay, Jake, and Heeseung. Seeing how this happened after you left Korea, you had no idea who he was friends with, who he was closest with.

Sunoo would not admit it, but something felt odd, the small child that accompanied you reminded him of someone, but who he could not place. He did not know anything about you other than what he had been told, the stories of you breaking Sunghoon’s heart like it was nothing, and then running away. The child felt familiar, like someone he had seen before, but he could not remember how or where he would have seen them. He was not often surrounded by children, just ignoring his thoughts, he passed it off as someone he must have seen on streets one day, but the thought would remain even after he tried to move his thoughts on. Where had he seen this child before, who was it the child reminded him of, and why.

Working on the project was much easier than you had thought, luckily you were with three people that actually cared about their grades, they all pulling their own weight with the work, and wanting a good grade. As the sun started to set, you all realized you should probably stop here for now, having worked for quite a few hours together. You could continue your research and all at home, and hopefully get everything done before your due date, that way you would have less stress regarding the project.

The four of you all decided to end it there, starting to pack up and leave. As the four of you started to exit, carrying a tired Sohee on your hip, you had started to walk back towards your house when Sunoo stopped you. “Did you not drive here?” He asked, watching as you were looking back down the sidewalk, the way you walked here.

Nodding your head, you looked at him, “I only live about ten minutes away that way, we just walked.” Telling him that, you started to realize just how dark it was getting, maybe you should have driven here. You did not plan for the four of you to do so much work today, let alone stay so late. Despite the darkness, you still needed to get home, and while there were only sparse lamps, you were sure you could make it home completely fine.

Sunoo shook his head at your reply, it was far too dark for you to be walking home at this time, let alone with a child to care for. “Let me drive you home, it’s too late for you to walk home, especially with a child.” He said. Despite the fact Jay, Jake, and Heeseung had warned him to stay away from you, especially after what you did to Sunghoon, and how he felt the uncanny feeling that he had seen your child before, he was not going to let you walk alone in the dark by yourself. “I’m going that way anyways, I can just drop you off on the way. I don’t have a car seat, but I think it’s probably safer than walking home with her.” He added.

As much as you hated to admit it, it was true, the sun had set a lot faster than expected too, what was sparse daylight, now only five minutes later was nothing but moonlight. Nodding your head, you agreed with him, despite the fact that you did not know him very well, just from his looks and what you knew of him, you knew that the two of you would be safer riding with him than walking. “Thank you.” You said, agreeing, and walking alongside him to his car, loading Sohee into it, before getting into it yourself. The car ride was silent, you simply pointing out which house was yours, and him stopping there. “Thank you, have a good night.” You told him as you exited his car, taking Sohee with you as you walked towards your house, entering it, and going to your bedroom. After the eventful day the two of you had, it took only moments for both of you to be asleep. Sohee was already asleep before reaching home, but you fell asleep with ease.

The next week went by with ease, work was not too difficult, you finished your part of your group project, and luckily to your surprise, Jake did not try to talk to you, even when you had to stay after class a bit late. Before you knew it, it was Saturday, and you decided to have a girls day. Inviting Karina to join you and Sohee at the cafe, earlier in the morning this time, that way you would not have to risk walking in the dark again.

The three of you sat in the cafe, enjoying pastries and coffee. It was no surprise that little Sohee was going absolutely feral on the cake pop she had been given, what was once an orange fox was now nothing more than a pile of chocolate cake and orange color chocolate on a napkin, most the orange chocolate coloring the child’s face. Karina and you finished your own food before deciding it was time to clean the messy toddler, while she had done a good job of removing the chocolate from her face with napkins, there was still a little bit of orange residue left. Karina offered to take her, as you started to clear the table and get ready to leave. The two of you had told the child you would take her to the park, a reward for her wonderful behavior this prior week.

Watching as Karina took Sohee to the restroom to clean up, you started to get your things together, getting ready to leave. Had you been observing your surroundings, you would have seen a figure you wished to avoid. It was not until he sat at your table that you noticed him, Park Jongseong, also known as Jay. Looking up at him, you could not fathom why he would have made his way over to your table, you were not close with him in high school, and you sure were not close with him now. If you had the time to think, you would have quickly excused yourself, leaving him at the table alone. However, instead there you sat frozen, shocked that one of Sunghoon’s friends seemed to have the gall to actually talk to you, especially after how you left.

Jay had seen you long before you saw him, working in the cafe to gain some job experience, he just happened to be on shift when you entered with Karina. He was honestly glad he was in the back when you entered, since had you seen him, you probably would have left. He was surprised to see you, he heard the claims you were back, Jake saying you were in class and Sunoo being in your assigned project group for another class, but he did not believe it until he had seen you with his own eyes.

What he did not expect to see with you was a small child. A small child that looked like someone had taken a childhood photo of Sunghoon, photoshopped a wig on it, and made the cheeks chubbier. Anyone that knew Sunghoon and his sister would probably mistake the small child for a third sibling, a much younger sibling, but nonetheless, the resemblance was uncanny. As he continued to clean, something hit him, you were gone for three years, you left abruptly, and now here you sit with a child that is probably close to three years old. The thought passed through his mind, and he tried to ignore it, it just could not be true, it could not. You would not have left Sunghoon like that, the two of you were in love, he would have stood alongside you, supported you through it all.

A moral dilemma ran through his mind as he watched Karina, Sohee, and you. As Karina took Sohee to wash up, he finally decided to confront you on his suspicions. He sat across from you, and luckily he did not waste any time getting right to what he was wanting to say. “She’s Sunghoon’s isn’t she?”

Looking at the man in front of you, you started to shake your head, wanting to deny it. You were terrified he would tell Sunghoon. The fear of everything you built crashing down loomed in your mind. You had spent years raising her on your own, she was yours, you did it to protect him, you did it for him. He could not have achieved his goals if he had a child and girlfriend at home, he would have had to pick, and you would not allow him to make that choice. He was probably training happily somewhere, his new girl by his side, he had to be happier than he was with you, he just had to be.

Jay could tell you were shocked, of course you were, you had hidden this from everyone for what three years. He could only assume the only ones that knew the truth were Karina and your mother, two people that would never betray you. As he watched you struggle, one thought came to his mind, “Don’t lie. She looks identical to him, anyone would be able to tell.” was all that came out of his mouth.

At his words, you slowly nodded, feeling like you were back up against a wall, nowhere to go. You could deny it, but like Jay said, she was a carbon copy of him with long hair. It was like you had hit copy, paste, and print, with how much she looked like her father. A sigh left your lips, “She is,” was all you could say. The thoughts going through your head were unstoppable, moving at breakneck speed, thought after thought, panic set in. “Please don’t tell him. Act like you never saw us. He doesn’t need to know.” You started to plead to the man across from you, your words all jumbled together. At this point, the only thought on your mind was Sunghoon finding out and taking you from her, you could not lose her.

Shock was clear on Jay’s face as he heard you start to plead, a fear in your voice confused him, why would you fear Sunghoon finding out. He was the father after all, he deserved to know about his child, even if it was about two years too late for him to be finding out about himself having a child. Oddly, the fear in your voice stopped some of his thoughts, he was thinking of how to tell Sunghoon, how to break it to him why you left, but those thoughts stopped, since you should be the one to tell him. “I won’t,” he finally started, “but you need to tell him. This is obviously why you left to start with, and I think he deserves that closure. And if you don’t tell him, someone else will. You can’t deny how much she looks like him, someone will put the pieces together and tell him, if you don’t first.”

Nodding your head, you watched as Jay’s face changed. He went from defensive, to softening, the boy you knew in high school appearing once again in front of you. “I know,” you knew you needed to tell him, but how was the question. “I just, I just don’t know how.” You softly muttered. You knew he deserved to know about Sohee, but how could you tell him, how would he react, and so many other thoughts plagued your mind.

Jay nodded, seeing the panic in your eyes, the fear causing your voice to turn soft. He saw the person he knew in high school once more, the selfless person who would give anything for their friends, the person who always wanted the best for everyone. Grabbing a pen from his pocket, he quickly scribbled his number onto the receipt that sat on your table. Part of him was telling him not to, but the other part of him won, the part that wanted to help you, wanted to help Sunghoon, wanting his friend group to be whole again. “I need to get back to work, but you can always text me if you need to.” He told you, the familiar smile gracing his face, before he returned to work.

It was odd, you expected him to threaten to expose you, or tell you to stay away from Sunghoon, but instead he was willing to help you. Watching as he walked back behind the counter, you decided he was only willing to help you since he wanted you to tell Sunghoon about the child. As Karina sat back down at the table, you knew Jay was right, either you needed to tell him, or someone else would.

Despite how badly you did not want to tell Sunghoon, you knew that you needed to, either he would find out through you, or through someone else. You had kept this hidden from him for almost three years, but that was easy, you were living abroad, no one knew you, no one knew him, there was no one that could tell on you. Here, it was a risk, never knowing when you were going to run into an old classmate or one of his friends.

Shoving his number into your bag, you finished putting all of your things into your backpack. Picking up Sohee, you watched as Karina grabbed her keys, getting ready to leave. As the three of you reached the door, you gave one quick glance towards Jay, before finally exiting the cafe. Buckling Sohee into her carseat, you decided to put that number to use later tonight, see what everyone has been up to since you left. While that probably is not the reason he gave you his number, you just felt as though you were not ready to approach the topic of how to tell Sunghoon yet.

Arriving back at your house, you allowed Sohee to play by herself as you started to clean in the kitchen. Only minutes after leaving Sohee to play with Karina, Karina joined you in the kitchen. “What did Jongseong want?” she asked, getting quickly to the point.

You had hoped she did not see that Jay had been at your table, that she did not see him, or that she thought he was maybe just doing his job. With a sigh, you rested on the counter, staring at Karina, not knowing what to say. You could tell her the truth, or you could lie, and at the moment a lie seemed better than the truth. But as you thought of his words, a sob racked your body, looking at the counter, you had to will yourself to not cry at this moment. “He knows.” was all you said, the words being all that needed to be said.

A gasp was heard from Karina, she was shocked, confused, and just astounded. “What! How?” She knew that no one knew about Sohee, and her first thought was that he had realized Sohee was your daughter, but unbeknownst to her, the truth was much worse. “Just because you had Sohee with you today doesn’t mean she’s your child, you could have said you were babysitting or something.” Karina started, thinking up lie after lie that you could have used to explain the child.

Shaking your head, it took everything to not slam your head against the counter, but you knew that would not help this problem, it would only bring you pain. Which, honestly at this point, you were in enough pain without having to add physical pain to that mix. “Karina, he knows she’s his.” You told her, watching as the look of realization shifted on her face, as what you said finally hit Karina full force. “She looks so much like him, I couldn’t lie my way out of that, what would I say? The only other person that someone could mistake her for would be Sunghoon’s own father, you and I both know good and well there would be no reason in hell why I’d have Sunghoon’s little sibling, and Jay being his best friend he’d know if Sunghoon had another sister.”

Taking a deep breath, it helped to bring a calming effect over you. Not wanting to possibly alarm your daughter in the next room, you calmed yourself down, so as to not scream or yell. “He said he wouldn’t tell him,” you started, seeing Karina’s look shift from anger to confusion, why would Jay help you, why would he care. “I just don’t know what to do. He put forth a really good case for telling him, but I just, I can’t lose her too.” The anger you held had shifted into sadness, the biggest reason why you did not want him to know, made itself known. As tears started to fall down your cheeks, you started to softly sob.

Everything you loved and treasured was lost when you saw that little pink plus sign on that test; your love of skating, your Olympic dreams, your future plans, and most of all, him. Sohee was all you had left of him, and if he took her, you would have nothing. While nothing in your life showed any evidence that given the opportunity he would take your daughter from you. But it did not keep your mind from creating outlandish scenarios. What if you told him, just for him to immediately file for custody, and be giving your daughter. What if you told him and he took her, so he could raise her with someone way better that he loves more than he ever loved you. What if you told him, and he just took her purely to hurt you like you hurt him. There were so many what ifs, that made you want to keep her existence all to yourself. But, at the same time, the ideas of what if someone else told him plagued your mind as well. What if someone else tells him and he takes her anyways. Either way, you saw no win in telling him or letting someone else tell him. But, you knew deep in your mind that he had to find out from you, not another.

Seeing you sobbing, Karina moved from where she stood, wrapping her arms around you. You cried into her shoulder, you were unsure of how long you cried, but you stopped as you heard soft footsteps wobbling into the kitchen. Karina separated from you, allowing you to take a moment to compose yourself, as she took Sohee back into the living room. At that moment, you decided you would textJay tonight once Karina leaves, you were not going to discuss what he probably wants to, but instead just to see how everyone you left was doing now.

The cleaning was finished, Karina had left hours ago, Sohee had eaten and bathed, and was now sleeping. It was only then you dug the number out of your bag, sending a quick text to the number, saying who it was. Jay was quick to respond with a confirmation that you had the right number. Staring at the phone, you wondered if you should even do this, maybe it would be best to block the number, delete it from your phone, and act like you never messaged him. But, you knew this would have to come sooner or later, and while you had the courage to do it, you would.

‘How has everyone been since I moved’, was all you messaged him, knowing that what was to come would break you, it would probably hurt you worse than it did all those years ago. ‘Heeseung graduated college and he works at the office downtown’, Jay responded to start with. Heeseung was someone you were not that close with, but you knew him, through Sunghoon of course. ‘What about the rest of you? In your senior years right?’ you replied back to him. He quickly replied notifying you they were ‘juniors actually’, which explained why Jake was in your class, but you were confused, they started college the year you left, they should be seniors, sending him a message back all you asked was ‘why’. For a moment you thought maybe Jay decided not to talk to you after all, since he did not reply, it was almost five minutes later when he replied. ‘I think the reason why would be a better conversation to have in person’, unsure how to respond to him, you just changed the conversation. Jay told you about his job, about Jake’s dog, and about what had happened to the three of them the past years, but not a word was said about Sunghoon.

Texting with Jay only lasted for a few hours, you learned about what had been going on since you left. He told you of your former classmates who moved, former couples that broke up, classmates who got together, and who stayed around. Working at the cafe gave him an easy way to see all the drama and gossip, so if anything happened around, he knew it. Thanking him, you decided to end the conversation, saying you needed sleep to be ready to handle Sohee in the morning, and that maybe you could meet up, so he could tell you those things he did not want to over a text. At that response, all he replied with was ‘her name is Sohee’, and with that you fell asleep.

The next day happened like you had never met Jay the day prior, there was no barrage of text on your phone from Sunghoon or anyone else. It was obvious he was a man of his word, for at least this moment he was, and you could only hope he stayed that way. There was never a friendship between Jay and yourself, it was always a friend of your boyfriend type of relationship, since that is all he was to you. But, you just hoped he had enough morals to keep his word and not tell Sunghoon.

As you rose from bed, Sohee was already up, the familiar grey bunny in her hands, playing with it silently, along with her other toys. The child was oddly up a bit too early for your liking, but you knew there was no use in getting her back in bed, instead choosing to just rise, and prepare for the day. Cooking breakfast for the child, part of your mind started to say it would be best to get the talk over with now, text Jay and find out why they were a grade behind. Within the confines of your mind, there was not an idea as to why they would have taken a gap year, and even if the Olympics were in Sunghoon’s cards, why would Jake and Jay have taken a gap year as well.

Sohee quickly ate her food, wanting nothing more than to go back to playing, while you decided today is not the day. The conversation will be there another day, and today is not that day. This day would be a simple and easy day for yourself and your daughter, you felt it was needed. No stress, no drama, no work, no constantly being on the go. Just a simple day to bake together and watch her favorite movies, Sohee wanting nothing more than to watch Frozen and sing like Elsa, as any child her age would.

That was exactly what your day was as well. No guests, no stress, and no drama. Just spending time with your daughter, having fun enjoying your time together. As you cleaned the flour off of the counter, the calling card of a child who had a little too much fun with the measuring cup, Sohee ran around your feet. “Do you wanna build a snowman,” She sung-screamed at the top of her lungs, the excitement the child held since you mentioned Elsa was insurmountable.

“How about you get your princess dress?” You questioned the child, almost tripping over her, as you went to finish the last of the dishes as the treats the two of you baked continued to cool. A squeal was immediately heard, then only the sounds of feet rushing up the stairs. As you finished cleaning the kitchen, Sohee ran back into the kitchen, dressed in her Elsa dress with her long blonde wig, items that Karina insisted she needed after seeing the child’s reaction to the movie. Sohee was quick to attempt to help you, wanting to carry the plate and cups, but her little arms left her unable to reach them from where she stood. “Here, put that on the table in the living room okay,” you offered her the plastic plate, knowing the worst that could happen would be her cookies ending up on the floor. Watching as she wobbled off, you followed suit, drinks in hand, ready to watch both Frozen movies, and probably another Disney movie of the child’s choice, before it would be her bedtime. This was exactly what you did as well, Sohee proudly made it through both Frozen movies, but only halfway through Encanto before she was asleep on the sofa, marking the end to a perfect day.

The next weeks were doldrum, classes passed as planned, and everything was as it should be. Within the space of your head, you had honestly forgotten about your conversation with Jay days ago. Things were going well, honestly, too well for your liking, but you were not one to question joy or when things passed with ease. But, all that changed during your last class on Friday. The concept of group projects should have dawned on you, but you had a secret hope that if there was one, you would select your own groups. However, of course, you were unable to select your own groups, and instead were assigned pairs. It took all the willpower within your brain to not sigh as the instructor called your name along with Jake’s. It was just your luck, out of everyone in the class, you were paired with the one singular person you would rather avoid.

It was nearing the end of the semester, you had been lucky to avoid having to deal with Jake at any point, but of course your luck had run out. Being paired with him to do the final project. Had it not been for the giant portion of your grade this project was worth, you would have contemplated just taking the zero. But with the project being worth thirty percent of your final grade, you knew that was not an option. You stayed after class, hoping that the project would go smoothly, the last thing you needed was any more problems than you already had.

Seeing the bitter look on Jake’s face as he turned to face you, the idea of dropping this class four months ago popped back up, you had missed your chance, and if you had only taken it, this would not be happening. Getting up, you decided to make your way to him, seeing how the class was empty by this point, and it did not seem like he was going to make any effort. “Give me your number and I’ll text you so we can plan what to do.” You said, offering him your notebook, on an open page.

He took it, and wrote his number, his facial expression changing none as he did so. It seemed like he was planning what to say, but you did not give him any chance, taking the notebook and running out the classroom before he could stop you. The project would be completed, you would remain professional, the class would be completed, and then you would never have to be around him again.

Wasting no time, as you made it home, after picking up Sohee from Karina’s, the text was sent. ‘When should we meet up to discuss the project?’, and luckily he replied quickly, ‘next monday after class’. And with that, the date was set, you were lucky it was a day that Karina would have Sohee. You trusted Jay, he knew for three months at this point, and had not told Sunghoon a thing, but Jake, you knew if he knew then Sunghoon would know within minutes. Jake was always much closer to Sunghoon than Jay was, they were each other's yes men, and secrets were never secrets long around one another.

As the weekend came and went, before you knew it, you were in your last class of the day, just waiting to start on the project with Jake. Entering the study room you had reserved and given Jake the directions to, you started to get your things out, prepare to get this over with. However, it seems the universe had other plans. “Surprised you came,” Jake said shortly, almost like he was trying to provoke you, however, all that happened was you ignoring his comment, unable to play the game he was so desiring.

Placing all your things on the table, you opened your laptop. “Let’s just get this work done,” you said, as you started to pull the textbooks and other various resources you had been given throughout the semester out. Despite the uncomfortable air, you just wanted to get your work done with, yet, as Jake scoffed, it seemed as though that might be impossible.

To your surprise, the two of you work together without much argument. Getting everything sorted out, who will do what, and what you are specifically doing. There were snarky comments thrown in throughout, mostly from his side, but you ignored them, trying to be the bigger person. It was working too, until Jake received a call, announcing he needed to leave. As you were packing up, he could not stop himself from trying to anger you once more.

“Sunghoon wants someone that actually cares for him to hangout with. Unlike you, some of us had to pick up the pieces and help him during the hardest time of his life.” Jake said, collecting all of his items from the table, packing them up. “But, you wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you, instead running out and leaving all the pieces. Disappearing when he needed you most. Running away and leaving him at the lowest point he has ever been.” With that, he left the room, leaving you in silence.

Not a word slipped through the awestruck lips of yours, a breakup is bad, but you were sure it could not have been that bad. The worst time of his life, Jake to be exaggerating, there is no way things were that bad for him. Yet, as you eventually gathered your thoughts, thanks to the group that needed the room after you had knocked at the door, it was time you decided that conversation with Jay needed to happen. Leaving the room, you sent him a text, simply asking him ‘are you available tomorrow I think we need to talk’, with that text you could only assume he knew what you meant by talk, since all he replied was ‘when and where’.

Meeting up with Jay the next morning, the park was empty, given it was a school day so kids were in classes, and most people would not enjoy the park’s ambiance until the afternoon, it left it a great place to talk. Seated, you watched Sohee playing around on the playground equipment, distracting you as you waited for Jay to make his appearance. How long Jay was there, you were unsure of, instead all your thoughts were on your daughter, watching as she attempted to climb up a slide, having the time of her life playing on the playground alone.

“She really does look just like him, doesn’t she.” Jay commented, finally sitting down next to you. If you could read his mind, you would know he was confused when you texted him, he thought that you had given up on finding out what happened that year you were gone. But, he was secretly happy you wanted to find out. He knew Sunghoon had not been the same since you left, despite all their attempts, he refused to move on, claiming you were his other half and without you he was not whole. It was a love Jay could admire, despite how foolish it seemed during the time he thought you left him for no reason, he must admit, he could even tell you still felt for your once lover. Jake would have banished Jay from the group chat if he knew what he was thinking, but seeing how the two of you were, he had hope that one day you may potentially be reunited.

The sudden interruption from the welcome silence by Jay’s voice made you jump for a moment, before calming down enough to nod your head. “She really does, doesn't she? Ten months and she comes out looking nothing like me.” The comment slipped past your lips, but you knew it was not what you were here to discuss with him. “What happened that year?” You asked, voice soft, like it was something you should not be asking. Part of you did not want the answer, the way Jake reacted told you it was bad, but how bad was the real question.

A sign left Jay’s mouth, he rested his elbows on his knees as he ran his hands through his hair. “We took a gap year,” he initially said, almost unsure of how to explain what happened during that time, but he decided no matter how he explained it, so he instead just started with the reason why. “Sunghoon, he threw himself into skating when you left. He would enter the ice rink with the key he had and stay way past closing. There would be days he would spend eighteen hours skating and the other six was everything else. I guess trying to keep himself from feeling the pain, but he pushed himself too hard. He somehow managed to fall and hit the wall of the rink, somehow he was going so fast and fell at such a bad angle, he shattered his leg. It was about a month after you left, Jake and Heeseung and I were hanging out, his mom called us in tears from the hospital.”

With a pause, you found yourself shocked, hearing what had happened, you knew that Jay had only started the story. Shifting your eyes between him and your daughter, you tried to keep up with what was coming out of his mouth, knowing that sadly the root of all of this was you. Despite promising to love him forever and be there for him, claiming to love and support him, you had done the worst thing of all, hurt him.

“He was out for six months, not long in the scheme of things, but long enough for them to say he had no chance of the Olympics. But then they gave him the worst news of all, the way his leg was, he would probably never competitively skate again. We all took a gap year except for Heeseung. Jake and I were the only reasons Sunghoon kept going some days.” Jay told you, shifting his gaze from the ground to you. “I can’t tell you how many times he had called you, but you had his number blocked. How many times he cried out for you, he even called your mom at some points, but she even claimed you changed your number and she did not have it. At some point, it just all stopped, the crying, the pain, like he was numb. It was like he had given up, telling us to leave him and let him suffer alone. Jake and I, it took months to get him to just wake up in the morning before four in the afternoon. We had to enroll him into university without his knowledge or he probably wouldn’t have ever started.”

Listening to him, you nodded your head, but only one train of thought was on your mind at this point, “What about now? How is he now? Is he doing better?” The only thoughts that could plague your mind were involving him, how was he now, how is he today, is he doing better, did he finally move on, was he still in love with you like you were with him.

A sigh left Jay’s mouth of your question, as he stared at you, it was like he was reading right through you, like anything you had hidden he now knew and knew the answer to. “He couldn’t compete again, but instead of competing, he teaches, he helps them teach the children at the rink. He is doing what I think is the best he can do. He’s trying.” Jay said, glancing at his watch, seeing the time. Standing up, “I need to go, work. But I really think you need to talk with him.” At that, he started to walk away, saying one last thing under his breath, “I also still think he’s in love with you, since despite all these years he refuses to move on.”

Staring at Sohee as Jay walked off, you felt this tinge in your heart. You had caused him such pain, in your desire to not keep him from his dreams, you instead robbed him of his dreams. Sitting alone in the park, the tears started to fall, despite how badly you did not want them to. Not only had you taken his dream from him, but he was still in love with you, or at least Jay felt so, but you think he probably hoped you did not hear his last comment. It took you a few minutes to compost yourself, the tears drying as you heard Sohee make her way over to you. The child climbed onto the bench beside you, laying against your arm, and at the sight of her trying to nap, tired from all her playing, only one thought stayed in your head. At this moment he might still love you, but would he still love you after you reveal to him the reason you left three years ago, and introduce him to his daughter.

Getting back home from the park, you texted Jake to schedule a time to work on the project, you understood his hostility towards you now, but you still needed to do this work. Then, a text was sent to Karina, telling her everything you had learned, even though she herself did not know any of it, probably because they knew she would have told you had she known. Throughout the day, Jay’s words stuck in your head, how badly you hurt him, maybe leaving was a mistake, but at the time, you thought it was for the best. Yet, it seems maybe the best would have to do like Karina suggested all those years ago, be truthful and tell him everything. But, you could not take that back now, all you could do was think of what you might do in the future, and how you might tell him.

The next day, you decided to work with Jake once again, hoping maybe things could go smoother this time, but you knew that was a lousy thought. Jake would probably try to provoke you once more, and blame you, and honestly, it was your fault, and you could not blame him for how he felt. Setting up the room once more as you waited for him, the idea of how to approach him on this topic was all you could think of. How do you start a conversation of why you left and broke his best friend's heart and caused him to break his leg and ruin his dreams? You can not just come out and say you left since you were pregnant, since Sunghoon would know within minutes of Jake knowing, and what could you say, sorry for leaving Sunghoon a mess but I was also a mess and thought leaving would help make him keep from being a mess. The thoughts however ended as Jake entered the room, the energy the same as it was two days prior.

Jake was not secretive with his dislike towards you, from the moment he entered the room, you could tell he was not happy to be around you, just as he was the day before. But you tried to work together, you attempted to get some of this work done. While attempting to wrap up what you were doing, so the two of you could leave, you decided to finally talk about the topic at hand. “I’m sorry for what happened.” You said, words failing you in that moment, still unsure of what to say.

A scoff was heard from the man in the room, he could not believe what he was hearing, “Sorry for what exactly? Breaking my best friend’s heart. Causing him to break his leg. Causing him to lose the only dream he’s ever had. Not being there when he needed you the most. Blocking his number and leaving him lost and confused as to what to do. Causing him to lose all will to live and enter a state that I only hope no one else ever has to experience a loved one in. You’re sorry for what exactly? You need to be a bit more clear, since there are a hell of a lot of things you’ve done to that man to be sorry for.” Jake started to rant, maybe it was how you just showed up three years later like nothing happened, or maybe it was the fact that you did not try to even take accountability for your actions, but he started to yell as he stood. “You have some fucking nerve showing up here after all this time like nothing has happened. You left him when he needed you most, you failed him, and you just showed back up like it was nothing to you. Did you just expect us to be happy to see you? Welcome you with open arms after spending the last three years trying to patch Sunghoon back together?”

At that, Jake took a breath, standing up, grabbing his backpack preparing to leave. “And you know what the worst fucking thing of all is. Three years we’ve spent helping him, making sure he is okay, and helping him through everything. Even after all those years, I think he still fucking loves you for some damn reason.We picked up the pieces and rebuilt him after you left him broken, and even now he refuses to try to move on, you really fucked him over.” Saying that, he started to walk towards the door, but not before stopping by where you stood on the way. Staring at you with such an angered look, you wanted to cower and hide, but you were instead frozen. “But, you better stay away from him, the last thing he needs in his life at this point is to know you are back around. He is getting better and starting to move on, the last thing he needs in his life right now is you.” With that, he hit your shoulder with his own, before exiting the door.

As the door closed behind him, you felt a wave of emotion, falling into the chair behind you. You started to cry, feeling even worse than you did yesterday when Jay told you what happened. All the feelings hit you at once, like a freight train, all the repressed emotions from the prior 3 years, taking over your heart, and you just felt everything. Time passed, you were unsure of how long you were crying, but a voice outside the door caught your attention. “Listen, someone else is crying about finals, I’m not the only one going through it,” An unknown male voice said, as two sets of footprints were heard passing the door, this resulted in knocking you from your thoughts. This was the time you decided to pack up and leave, going to collect Sohee from Karina, before ending up back home to no doubt cry even more.

After that encounter with Jake, you decided no longer would you work on the project with him in person. Instead, you resorted to emails and text only, this caused him to respond snarkily to you, but you honestly could care less, not wanting a repeat of what happened last time. The way Jake so easily tore you to pieces left you terrified, maybe he was right, you do not deserve to have Sunghoon in your life any longer, and you were foolish for the small part of your brain thinking you could come back and patch things up like nothing happened, since it was something, and that something was something that you had caused.

After the confrontation with Jake, your life resorted to three things only, work, Sohee, and class. You found yourself not going out except for those three reasons, no longer were you feeling joy from how easily everything was being managed, no longer were you feeling confident of your decision to come back. Jake’s words hurt you more than he would ever know, he knew nothing about why you left, he knew absolutely nothing that was going on in your life, but his words cut you to the bone. Leaving for Sunghoon’s sake seemed to do everything you left to avoid. Rather than allowing him to easily achieve his dream without the thoughts of a child dragging him down, he found himself being unable to reach his goals. What was once both your dreams, was now nothing more than that, a dream neither of you were able to achieve.

Luckily throughout your classes you were lucky to have formed a few new friends, the partners from your first group project quickly becoming actual friends. No longer did you only have Karina to rely on, but instead you had Jungwon, Sakura, and Sunoo; you even had Jay to an extent, despite the fact you were sure Jake knew nothing of the friendship forming between his worst enemy and two of his best friends. Had Jake known of the friendship between yourself, Jay, and Sunoo; you were sure he would have already tried to fight you, or Sunghoon would have already made himself known at this point.

As the semester came to a close, you had luckily avoided seeing Sunghoon even once. While your luck was not great with Jake, it was with avoiding Sunghoon that your luck was wonderful, having not seen him even once. With that, you felt he probably did not even know you were in town, since it was not like Jake or Jay would tell him. After your final test, you were happy to know that for the next month and half it would just be Karina, yourself, Sohee, and Sakura. Almost two months of nothing but fun and joy before your university classes would start once more.

The first Monday after classes ended your living room had four people sitting within it; Karina, Sakura, Sohee, and yourself. On the television Karina was playing a compilation video of the time you spent as a competitive skater, a video she for some reason had decided to put together with the idea of showing lovely little Sohee how talented her mother was once before. Sakura was even captivated watching the little you on the screen, how easily you flew around the rink, the ease at which you were doing axles and other tricks fascinated both Sohee and Sakura. Neither knew you were a professional figure skater, and it was obvious in their reactions that it was a shock.

As the video continued, it shifted from videos of you skating solo as a child, to your solo programs as a teen; before it finally reached them, the videos of Sunghoon and you skating as a pair. Karina was quick to end the video, forgetting that she had included those scenes when she created the video all those years ago. Luckily Sohee had not caught sight of the man in the video, instead she was walking over to where you stood, enamored by what she had seen. “Mommy skate,” Sohee said, her little chubby finger pointing towards the television. With a nod, you picked her up, as she continued her train of thought. “Mommy take me skating?” The request was simple, and despite how long it has been since you were on the ice, you found yourself unable to deny your child her wish. Quickly the three of you agreed to go skating, allowing Sohee to experience her first time on the ice.

As Karina ran upstairs with Sohee to dress her into something warmer, Sakura joined you in the kitchen. She had seen the face of the man in the video, and she knew it had to be the father of Sohee, they looked too alike to deny it. “I’m guessing that was her father?” She was quick to ask, her arm finding it way around your shoulder, being a comforting presence. With a simple nod, Sakura had pulled you closer, allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. “If it brings any comfort, I could tell through the video just how in love you two once were. If you can tell the chemistry through the grainy camera screen, I could only imagine how bad you two were when together.” She said, followed by a fake vomiting sound, it made you laugh, a feeling of joy associated with the one who still to this day owns your heart. It had been long since his mention brought you joy, but here Sakura was the one that was able to make you look back fondly on those days, how you would disgust all your friends with your public displays of affection, then tease them that they were just jealous they were single.

The thoughts however ended as quickly as they started, as the pitter patter of small feet made their way down the stairs. “Ready.” Sohee yelled, once she found herself in the living room, starting to rush Sakura and yourself to your feet, as Karina was still running down the stairs to her. The mention of ice skating set a fire in the small girl, watching her excitement, you saw yourself, how excited you were when your father mentioned ice skating to you when you were the age Sohee is now. Honestly, you wished your parents were both here to witness this, your father would have loved having passed down his love of skating to his granddaughter, and your mother would have been filming Sohee’s first skate. Exiting the door with the girls in tow, you thought about your mother as you buckled Sohee into the carseat in your mother’s car. It had been about four months now since she left for a business trip, a week she claimed, but that business trip ended up in your mother being fully transferred to the location and being given a promotion. Despite how happy you were for her, finally getting the management position she had been aiming for with all her years of service to the company, you were hoping to be able to spend time with her at home, yet who were you to crash down on her dreams. You were just lucky that you now had a vehicle to drive, having collected her car from the airport, and a place to live, hoping that there would not be a repeat of your grandmother’s house in the future.

On the way to the skating rink, Sohee sat in the back chattering away to Sakura, telling her all about everything. By the end of the car ride, Sakura, Karina, and you were experts in what was happening in Sohee’s favorite children’s show and all the drama her little mind had created between Luna and Sunny, her two favorite stuffed animals. Upon arriving at the rink, it was like nothing had changed. Standing in front of the rink, it was like you had been teleported back to four years ago, leaving practice to join Sunghoon in his barely running car that had more problems than Karina had boy problems. Yet, only this time, there was no handsome boyfriend waiting in his rundown beater of a car for you, and there was a three year old grabbing your hand, trying to make you run with her towards the doors.

Entering the rink, it was like a trip to the past, seeing old trophies decorating the trophy boxes, old photos. Time stopped as you saw a photo you thought you had taken when you left. There it lay pinned to the wall behind the gold trophy, a photo of Sunghoon and yourself, after you had won your first pairs competition, a sheet of paper beside it congratulating the two of you, reading that the pairs routine had the highest score ever achieved from a pair trained in this rink. Just under that sheet was another, stating for the next two competitions they received the same score, a score that until this day, no other pair from this rink had been able to beat.

As Sohee was enamored with the shiny trophies, you had not heard the person approaching, until you felt a familiar hand on your shoulder. Coach Kim had recognized you the moment you entered the rink, as she was viewing the security footage during this slow time of the day. “She looks just like the two of you.” Coach softly said under her breath, watching as the toddler bounced about, excited to start. With a simple nod, you found yourself almost crying as Coach Kim stared at you. “I bet she’s just as talented as the two of you were.” She said, before the three of you started to walk over towards the check in counter. As you reach towards your wallet, Kim is quick to shake her head. “It’s free, I don’t charge my favorite students.”

With a nod, you helped Kim select an appropriate pair of skates for Sohee, assisting the child put her skates on. “She saw an old video of me skating, and immediately decided she needed to come try it for herself.” Passing Karina and Sakura skates in their size, you pulled out your old skates, honestly surprised to see they still fit.

Coach Kim nodded her head, laughing as she watched the child try to balance on the skates. “We don’t have anyone scheduled until five, so you have a few hours. It’ll be nice to see you back on the ice.” With a nod, you stood, your hand quickly finding Sohee’s to lead her out to the ice.

“We’ll try to be out by then, thank you Coach.” With that, you watched as Coach Kim simply smiled before going back into her office, allowing the four of you privacy within the skating rink. Reaching the ice, it was your first love, your second home, it was everything to you at one point, and honestly, still felt that way all these years later. While you were sure your skills had waned, they definitely were no longer what they once were, you could not resist the urge to dance the last solo routine you had learned.

As you reached the ice, Karina was quick to grab Sohee, dragging her over to the seats for a moment. “Hey, let’s watch your mom skate first, how about that. You can see how pretty she is on the ice.” Once the three of them were seated, you found yourself easily finding peace in what was your last learned routine. The muscle memory coming to you immediately, not a thought was needed nor the music to the piece. You found some of the moves were no longer in your skills list, thanks to not skating for three years, but other than those few moves, you completed the routine, before finding your way in front of the three people viewing you.

“Come on, join me on the ice.” You told the three of them, as you reached to grasp your daughter’s hands within your own. Karina was helping Sakura as you helped Sohee, soon the two of them were skating around without a second thought, Sohee was a natural, just as her parents were. Seeing the little girl trying to attempt tricks she witnessed from you moments ago, you were quick to grab her, keeping her from falling. “No, we don’t do that yet, just skate. Tricks come later, okay?” With a grumble, Sohee started skating again, the three of them raced, Karina and Sakura allowing the small girl to win, as she proclaimed she was the best skater ever.

It was not long before an hour had passed, Karina and Sakura announcing they had to go, Karina was needed at work, while Sakura still had one final left to do. Leaving just your daughter and yourself within the rink alone. The two of you skated around, it was easy to lose yourself in it, finding the joy you felt all those years ago on the ice once more. This was your safe haven all those years ago, and part of you had the premonition that this would be your daughter’s safe haven as well one of these days.

The ease of losing yourself in the ice, you failed to see how much time had passed, not only had the two of you spent most of the day here, but it was now five. You had not heard the door open, nor had you seen the male that gazed at you with shock. He had closed the door, going to the locker room to clear his thoughts, assuming he was seeing things. Once the door closed, he was gone just as quickly as your alarm had gone off. Quickly grabbing Sohee, you explained it was time to leave. As you were in the locker room, you noticed it was getting a bit busy, mostly children coming in to lace up their skates. Assuming it was time for a children’s skating class, you just wanted to leave before Sohee got any ideas of joining the class. Finally making your way through the crowd of children and parents, you were exiting the rink. Had you thought to look to your left, you would have seen the familiar male who has his eyes locked on you through the transparent glass on the side of the rink room.

That day skating sparked a love within Sohee that reminded you of your own love of skating. She was quick to ask to return each and every day, sometimes asking to go multiple times a day. The child had found joy in what was her parents greatest joy, even if she only knew it was her mother’s greatest joy. Arriving at the rink extremely early every day, you started to teach your daughter how to skate, wanting to make sure you avoided any possible classes or anyone that knew Sunghoon, being at the rink when it opened seemed like the best choice. And honestly, it worked, throughout the winter break, not once did you see him or anyone that knew him. Sohee was not always the most happy, wanting to go skating later in the day, and some days complaining about waking up so early, but those complaints would fade once her feet hit the rink. The ice was a second home to your three year old just as it was you, and you felt joy watching her trying her best to skate as fast as she could, of everything to get from you, she may have not gotten your looks, but she definitely got your natural affinity for the ice.

Once classes started back, trips to the rink were a rarity, Sohee understood that luckily. It however, would not stop the child from asking to go to the rink when Aunt Rina or Aunt Kura were babysitting her, or even begging Uncle Won and Uncle Sunoo the one time you had to ask Jungwon and Sunoo to babysit her since both Karina and Sakura had the flu and with it being the first day of class, you could not just miss it. Luckily neither of them had class that day, and easily volunteered to watch their niece. You, however, were lucky to have such amazing friends that loved your daughter just as you did, sometimes you honestly felt that Sohee loved them more than she did you, especially Sunoo and his inability to say no to her until she would be on her twelfth cookie.

As classes started, you were lucky to not see Jake within any of them, nor to see Sunghoon. You had a few with Sakura, Jungwon, and Sunoo once again, and one with Jay, but that was it. Classes started with ease, you were not thrown into a major group project in the middle of the first week or placed in a group to work throughout the semester with. With the end of the first week, everyone felt it was due to celebrate, Sohee only wanted one thing, and quickly swayed the votes in her favor. The problem of having an adorable daughter, was that her aunts and uncles would do anything to see her smile, even if that means embarrassing themselves on the ice skating rink since she wants nothing more than to go ice skating this weekend with all her family.

That was how on a Saturday morning, Jungwon, Sunoo, Karina, Sakura, Sohee, and yourself stood on the ice in the skating rink. Sohee was quick to start skating circles around Jungwon and Sunoo, yelling that it is easy to skate, as she watched them struggle. Jungwon and Sunoo had not known about your figure skating past, but Sohee was quick to tell them, blabbering on and on about how her mom was a professional figure skater, leading to curiosity and wonder from the two who had never joined you at the rink before. With a simple routine being completed, you found yourself explaining the history to them. “I started when I was three, but I quit at like nineteen, about three years ago.” With that, they understood, as the three year old girl in front of them, started to drag them from their seats back to the ice.

The six of you skated for what felt like hours before leaving, had you been more observant you would have noticed a figure watching you from the transparent windows separating the rink from the lobby. The figure had a phone in hand, pictures being taken of the six of you, but specifically of Sunoo, Sohee, and yourself. The pictures were then quickly sent by the unknown male. Followed by three pointed text messages ‘did you know she was back in town?’, ‘Sunoo seems to be friends with her, what a great friend you have right?’, and lastly ‘might just be me, but doesn’t this child look a bit too familiar, wonder who her dad might be?’.

Sunghoon’s phone beeped as he awoke from his sleep, he did not have children’s skating class until later that afternoon, so he felt no need to wake early. But someone else had other plans, as his phone started to beep and vibrate, one time after another, eight times in a row. Opening his phone, he was bombarded by photos and text from an unknown number, whoever it was seemed to know him, but he did not know them. The first two photos were of you, followed by his text about you being back in town. The next was a group photo, then a photo of Sunoo alone, followed by the text about Sunoo. Lastly, he saw it, a text about a child, then the photo of the child. Staring at the photo, he felt confusion, he felt lost, he did not know how to feel. The child in the photo could be explained simply by saying himself in a wig, but that is not possible. He does not have any children, stared at the text, taking it to assume they meant it was your children, but who could the father be. Not dwelling on that thought any longer, he was quick to respond to the text messages, ‘who are you?’ he asked, but received no reply, and as he tried to send the message once more, he was greeted with a ‘this user is no longer available at this number’ message, meaning whoever it was had blocked him.

Sunghoon was quick to text the phone number to his group chat, asking everyone if they knew who it was. However, that was fruitless, as neither Jake, Jay, Sunoo, or Heeseung knew who the owner of the number was. Yet, with that out of the way, his emotions started to take over him. He quickly took screenshots of the messages, sending those along with the photos sent to him, to the group chat. ‘Who was going to fucking tell me that she was back in town?’ Sunghoon sent, after sending what had been sent to him. His anger grew as no one answered the message, ‘and you’re friends with her Sunoo?’. Yet, this was not the last message he sent, ‘and why does that child look so much like me?’.

Jay was the only one to respond to his messages, well his last one at least, ‘I think you need to talk to her for that answer.’ Jake was quick to kick Sunoo out of the group chat, before Sunoo could reply or anything, texting nothing more than ‘that fucking traitor’. As Sunghoon replied to Jay’s message, ‘what do you mean talk to her? You knew about this and didn’t tell me?’ Yet, Jay had no chance to reply this time, as Jake kicked him from the group chat as well, ‘fucking traitors’ being the last message Jake sent, before Sunghoon muted the group chat, staring at his phone as he was lost, just confused as to what to do. Ignoring each and every message that popped up before he shut the screen off, Heeseung and Jake sent message after message concerned, but Sunghoon honestly did not care in the least.

Everything started to hit him all at once. The love of his life had been back for who knows how long, meaning when he saw you at the rink the other day, it was reality, not just another figment of his imagination. Sunoo had become friends with you, despite knowing your past, everything Sunghoon went through, he still befriended you regardless of that. And lastly, the most important thing of all hit him, there was a child out there that looked way too much like him to be a coincidence, a child that you were apparently the mother of. Unable to stop himself, it was like Sunghoon’s brain was on autopilot, he got himself dressed, and soon was outside of your house, at least he hoped it was still your house. This was a trip he would take every day just years ago, he would take you out for treats and drive you home. Back then he had a barely functioning beater of a car, but despite the vehicle taking the trip changing, he never forgot the streets it took to make it to your house. Sunghoon never forget how your mom would peek out the windows to see him kissing you goodbye, he would never forgot how she actually squealed the first time, having to be physically picked up and carried away by your father, her excitement to seeing her child falling in love, and he will never forget how it felt to be the one that you were in love with.

Getting home, Sohee quickly fell asleep, the skating tiring her out. Once she was asleep, everyone else left, most off to their own homes to do the exact same thing. Watching a three year old was tiring, but chasing an overexcited and energetic three year old around an ice rink was next level tiring, especially for those who were not used to being on skates. As you tidied up around the house, everything was quiet, too quiet. Despite your immediate reaction to usually think something bad will happen when things are going too well, all you could think about was how everything was going well, unbeknownst to you that all of that would be crashing down around you soon enough.

The door was knocked upon, for a moment you thought it was Sohee rolling out of bed, but the knock came again. Going to the door, you should have immediately checked the peephole, but instead you failed to do so, just slinging the door open. You assumed it was one of your friends, probably Sakura realizing she had left her phone or something in your living room, as she often did when she was over. However, Sakura’s smiling face was not the one you saw upon opening the door.

It was like time froze when you saw him again. It had been three years, but he looked even more handsome than he had all those years ago. He had grown into his features, features you once had the joy and pleasure of ghosting your fingertips over, as you laid soft kisses on the various moles around his face, before gracing his lips with what he desired so much. All these years, you had thought about the time you would see him again. But each and every time, it had you sitting in your recliner, he would be on your television screen, winning gold with a skating partner that was even prettier and better than you. Not, seeing him standing in front of you, especially not seeing him standing in front of you.

As he stared at you, he felt the butterflies again. They never faded, they would just come in and stay whenever he thought about you, but he was sure you no longer felt them after all these years. He stood unsure of what to say, he had not expected to be here again. In his mind the idea of knocking on your door, and then actually seeing you behind the door was only in his dreams. All those years ago when you left, he would knock on your door, just to be welcomed to the sight of your mom telling him you moved. With all the thoughts going on in his mind, he found himself unable to put a coherent thought together. It took a few moments before he finally blurted something out, which was not what he wanted to say, but it was all he could think at the moment. “Is she mine?” it slipped out so effortlessly, like he had been practicing it for days, not just for the five minutes he was sitting in his car preparing the strength to come approach your door. He watched as you did nothing but stare at him open-mouthed, he was unsure whether it was the shock of seeing him after five years, or the shock that he knew something you did not seem to want him to know.

Hearing his question, you froze, you never expected this, you never wanted this. You thought maybe one day you would ease him into the idea, and there would be no way he would try to take her or anything. But, him showing up at your house, that meant way more than you would like to know. Your first thought being Jay, he had to tell Sunghoon, no one else in his inner circle knew about this other than one Park Jeongseong. Finally realizing you needed to respond to the man in front of you, shaking your head, you started to close the door. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I think you’re confused.” You rushed to say, attempting to slam the door. “I’m busy, I have things to do.”

Sunghoon had expected this: denial, lies, rejection. Just like how you left him all those years ago, nothing more than lies about your grandmother, leaving him in denial that you would give up on him that easily, and feeling nothing more than the rejection from you leaving. His hand quickly came up, stopping the door from closing, foot pushing it open the rest of the way as he moved to stand in the door frame. His body was standing so you could not close the door, since if it was attempted, it would simply hit him, and he would have pushed it back open. “Tell me the fucking truth,” He forcefully said, it taking everything in himself to not scream or yell. He had spent three years thinking you left him to enjoy the single life, moving to where your grandmother lived to have fun with those foreign boys, that would probably do much of anything to get with a foreigner girl. But, seeing these photos, the thought that maybe you left for other reasons plagued his mind. If you genuinely left due to being pregnant, why did you leave him, did you think he would have rejected you and his child. He knew the little girl in the photos he received had to be his, she looked identical to his own baby photos, like someone had photoshopped a wig onto his own baby photos.

Quickly fishing his phone from his pocket, it was easily unlocked to the text messages the unknown person had sent him earlier. The only thing visible on the screen was the photo of Sohee. Raising the phone so that you were able to see what was being showcased on the screen, Sunghoon recognized the quick look of hurt flashed across your features as you stared at the picture on his phone screen. “Don’t fucking lie to me.” He said, his voice cracking as he said the word lie. Here he stood in front of you, in person, after all these years. After all the times he told himself he would never see you again. After all the times he cried himself to sleep after you abruptly left him brokenhearted. After all these years he willed himself not to cry in front of you, to save it for the purple pillowcase encased pillow laying on his bed, that even after all these years, he swears still smells faintly of your perfume. “She looks just like me, doesn’t she?” Sunghoon murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, eyes staring at the photo on his screen.

Sunghoon would not lie, back when you were dating he often imagined a future together. He would think of asking your father for your hand in marriage, seeing you walking down the aisle in a poofy large white dress made of more fabric than should be humanly possible, and lastly the idea of having children of your own. In his mind however, all of your little girls would look just like you, while all your sons would look like him. Yet, as he stared at the photo in his hand, he was just dumbfounded. He found himself unable to comprehend why you would leave him to do this on your own, he was no expert on the female mind, but he assumed most women would want a supportive partner, rather than willingly choosing the idea of being a single parent. But, here you had not only hidden a pregnancy, you had moved to another country to hide the pregnancy, had the birth in another country, named and raised the child with no input from himself, and then moved back home without a single thought of notifying him that there was a human out there in the world that he had helped create. His first thought would be that he had been cheated on, since why else would someone do that, but seeing how there was no way to deny the resemblance between himself and the child, he knew that was not the answer.

“Just tell me the truth,” Sunghoon muttered, tired of your silence at that point. He had been standing in your doorway for a good ten minutes, not a single reply had slipped past your lips during that time. Looking at the woman in front of him, he could not stop his heartstrings from tugging, feeling hurt as you stared at the ground dejectedly. From your reaction alone, he could sense you did not want to tell him why you wanted to hide this from him, even now as he stood in front of you there were no words being spoken, he had no idea, but he was not going to let this topic drop. “She’s mine, isn’t she?” He questioned once more, just wanting confirmation at this point. While he wanted words, he saw how your head nodded, defeated almost, like you did not want to give it up, but you had no choice at this point. "How long did you think you could hide that?" He immediately asked afterwards. “Did you not trust me? Did you not love me enough to want me to be in her life? Was I not good enough for you?”

Each question slipping past his lips was like a dagger to your heart. Tell him the truth, well the truth is that he was the father of your now three year old daughter. How long did you think you could hide it from him, well your mind thought you would have kept it hidden a whole lot longer than just three years, honestly, if you had it your way, he would have never found out about her. Did you not trust him, you trusted him most of all, who you did not trust was yourself. Did you not love him enough, you loved him too much to try to burden him with this. Was he not good enough, as usual he had it backwards, you were the one that was not good enough for him. Despite all the thoughts filling your head, none of them came out, instead only one thing, a simple apology. “I’m sorry,” You muttered, unable to put any of your other thoughts into words. Despite the plethora of words filling your head, begging you to apologize to him, begging you to beg for him to love you once more, to tell him you never stopped loving him; none of those came out, despite how badly they wanted to. You said those words like they would suddenly help the situation, but you knew they would not, they were nothing more than useless at this point, words you were saying trying not to feel as bad as you did. The apology was not for him, but for yourself, thinking that maybe the words falling past your lips might make you feel better about this situation. But the honest truth, it made you feel worse, giving him an apology without any explanation, it was like giving someone an empty gift box, no thought or substance, just giving them what you thought they wanted. Yet, he wanted the truth, he wanted to know everything no matter how badly it hurt, but you knew the truth would not hurt him, it would only hurt you. All these years the truth you had hidden from him, from Sohee, in a way from yourself, would come to light, but internally you had hoped it would not be for more years. You hoped by the time it was exposed he would have moved on, you would have moved on, both too happy to disrupt what you had for the idea of what ifs and what could have been.

Listening to you apologize in vain, a chill was sent through Sunghoon’s body, it was like ice was chilling his veins. The cold never bothered him usually, even as he stood outside, the gentle snow falling from the dark clouds above during the frigid January temperatures felt like nothing compared to the frozen feeling coursing through his veins. It was like everything froze, himself including, the words you were not speaking resounding much louder than what you did say. His heartbeat boomed within his eardrums, someone could have been screaming in his ear at that moment, and he would have heard nothing. Leaning against the doorframe, he willed his own legs to not give out under him. The photo, the child, your child, his child, he had a child, he had a child out there that he had no idea about. With that thought, his mind went blank, the doorframe being the only thing that supported him from completely falling to the ground in that moment. You had left him because of this, you broke his heart to hide this from him, you had been back who knows how long without even as much as a word to him. Watching as you moved, seemingly welcoming him into your home, out of the elements, safe from the falling snow all around. He moved inside without a word, almost like he was on autopilot. It was like his brain went back to all those days years ago, back in high school when the two of you were dating, and your evenings were spent cuddling on your sofa watching romance movies, attempting to ignore the giggles coming from your mother’s mouth as she spied on the two of you, muttering to your father about young love. Using all his strength to sit on the couch, trying his best not to collapse, despite how badly his body was wishing to give in. He allowed his phone to slip from his hands, falling to the carpeted floor under your coffee table, as he found himself burying his face within his hands. “I will never understand how you could do this.” He said, not even bothering to attempt to make eye contact with you. Emotionally and physically drained, he struggled to find what to say next. “I just, why would you hide this? Why would you hide her? Hide her from me?” Was all he said, before finally looking up at you, his heart breaking with each word.

Standing across the room from him, this might be your house, but you found yourself unable to sit. How would you get comfortable knowing what was going on? Years were spent hiding this from him. You did it for his own good, had you not done it you thought he would have given up ice skating, but fate works in funny ways, since he ended up giving up regardless. “I thought I was protecting you,” You finally muttered, playing with your fingers, refusing to look where he sat. Despite how difficult this was on you, the thought of how difficult it was for him crossed your mind, he just found out he had a child of three years old with his ex. Life may be crumbling and falling for yourself, but his life has already crumbled and fallen; yours could be saved by the right actions, his concept of his own life was already burned and the only thing one could do was wait until the fire was dead, rebuild, and move on. “Sunghoon, you had so many dreams, the Olympics, and all, it was your life. I couldn’t be the reason it was taken away.” Finally putting part of your thoughts into words, you started to tell him. Speaking, your feet moved on the carpet unconsciously, before you knew it, you were standing in front of him. You sat down beside him, your body against the arm of the couch, providing as much distance from him as the small sofa would allow. “You were Olympics bound, and I wasn’t. You were always the better of the two of us, the natural talent. I knew if either of us had a chance it was you. And I knew if you knew about her, you wouldn’t go. Sunghoon, I know you, and I know you would have wanted to be there, you would have given up your hopes, given up your dreams for us, and I just couldn’t do that to you.” You told him, it was the most words you had spoken to him in almost three years. As you attempted to explain your thinking to him, you found yourself unable to stop the tears from slipping down your cheeks, they starting to come, as you spoke.

“It wasn’t just my dream. It was our dream. I thought we were in it together, we were a pair, and a pair means two not just one.” Sunghoon started, watching as the tears fell down your cheeks, he wanted to stop them, but instead clenched his fist in his lap, and despite how badly he wanted to caress your cheek and wipe your tears, it was no longer his duty to do that. Feeling the sharp edges of his nails eating into his hand, he eased his grip for a moment, trying to find an inner calm to keep his anger from getting worse. Three years prior, he would have never had thought he would feel such a surge of anger directed towards you. He was so in love with you, nothing more than a lovesick puppy, a toy on a string for you, he would have done anything for you. Now, he was struggling to believe you would do this, the way you so easily chose to exclude him from his own daughter’s life. The thought that he would have never known of the existence of the child had it not been for the text from the unknown number, the desire to unveil the identity of the unknown number faded, as the focus became on the child. “You thought you were protecting me. Why would leaving the country and not telling me about my own child be protecting me? You wouldn’t have been the reason anything was taken from me. Why would you think like that? I just, if given the choice, I would have always picked you, you were always my pick.” He said, still trying to grasp how you thought hiding this from him would protect him, how this had helped him. The choices that were made did nothing more than hurt him, in no way was he helped or soothed by actions you did. “I would have given up training in a heartbeat for you, for our child. The Olympics may have been a dream, but you were my reality, and I would have wanted to be there for you and her more than I wanted my dream.” He started to tell you, trailing off, not sure he wanted you to hear the last part of what he was saying. “You were my dream, getting married and having kids with you was my dream,” he whispered under his breath. Thoughts that you hopefully did not hear passed through his mind, as he remembered all the times he thought of your future, his future was always intertwined with yours, until that fateful day.

Hearing his words, you froze, the tears fell upon your cheeks even harder. Just having him say those words, you were his dream, it hit you in a way you hated. It was not the Olympics, it was not winning gold medals or breaking records, you were his dream. Since you discovered he injured himself shortly after you left, you felt that you had ruined his dreams, taking away his Olympic ambitions, robbing him of those gold medals. But the reality was that you had robbed him of his dreams before that, you had ruined his dreams, you had removed yourself from his life, taking away every last part of his dreams, since it was not the lofty Olympic podium that was his dream, it was being with you forever. Unable to reply to anything he said, you just tried to stop yourself from crying. The tears were already flowing, you just wanted them to stop at this point. Stop, so you could have a conversation with the man in front of you. But it seemed that would not happen any time soon, as they continued to fall down your cheeks.

Unwilling to wait until you responded to what he said, he just continued on talking, letting you know how he felt. “I have a three year old daughter in this world, and you hid her from me without a second thought. You did nothing but keep me from being in her life for three long years. Did you ever once think about her? Did you ever once think about what would be best for her, best for our daughter?” Sunghoon started to rant, any feelings of sorrow he had felt evaporated, instead being left with anger. “Did you ever once think that she might grow up and ask about her father? Did you ever think about what you could tell her? How would you explain why she only has a mom? Did you once think about how you would tell her about me? Would you have told her truth? Would you have told her that her father didn’t know she existed, because her mother decided to run off and run away the moment she found out she was pregnant? Would you have told her that the reason she doesn’t have a dad like all the other kids is because her mom never even told her dad that she was pregnant, that her mom ran away to another country to raise her alone rather than letting her have a father? What would you have told her when she starts to notice she doesn’t look like you? From that photo alone anyone that knows us can tell she’s mine, what would you have told her when people started pointing out that she doesn’t look like her mother?” He was practically barking his questions at you, idea after idea slipping past his lips.

With each question he said, you felt your heart sinking deeper and deeper into your chest. You really had not thought this through. All those years ago, the only thought on your mind was making sure he could achieve his Olympic goals, but he so easily poked so many holes into the mind boat that was your thoughts on this situation. However, each question he said was right, it was something you had not even thought of. What would you have told her when she asked about her dad, how would you have explained everything to her, why she did not have a father; it was your fault she did not have a father after all. As those thoughts entered your mind, you could only envision your own daughter hating you, since you were the reason she did not have a father, you were the reason she only had a mother, it was your fault all along. You were not the heroic single mom raising her child alone since the father was absent, you were a single mother raising a child alone that never gave the father a chance to be a father. As that thought finally settled into your mind, you felt horrible, you had never given her a chance to have or be loved by her father, the idea that you were saving Sunghoon’s Olympic ambition felt stupid now, you had instead robbed him of the chance to see his child grow up, you had stolen away his chance to be a father. “I’m sorry,” you muttered, the tears getting worse, each word he said made you feel worse and worse. Everything you had done to protect him seemed to be for nothing, instead of protecting his future, you had ruined it, and robbed your daughter of some of her childhood as well. “I’m sorry,” was a murmur slipping past your lips, unable to speak anything else.

Sunghoon’s heartstrings began to pull as he watched your tears fall worse, his words making what were once silent tears turn into full out sobbing. He felt bad for a moment, watching you cry was something that was not on his list of needs or desires, he hurt seeing how you hurt, but he did nothing to soothe you or stop your tears. Full minutes passed of nothing but your sobbing your heart out, it was then he really felt horrible. What you had said, it finally hit him, and what he had said made him feel horrible. You had done what you thought was best, while you may have not been thinking during that time, you did what you thought was best for yourself and your daughter. While that decision was a wrong one and was stupid, at the time you felt it was your only decision, and here he was bringing up all the little things you never thought of. Almost ten minutes passed of crying, nothing but the broken sobs and slight shifts as you tried to wipe your tears and keep it from getting worse. It was only then that he broke, getting up from his spot on the sofa moving over to where you sat. His hand was broad on your back, he gently rubbed it, trying his best to sooth you. “You did what you thought was best at the time. At the time you thought going at it alone was the best thing to do, and you raised her the best you could.” He said, his hand naturally going to your hair, petting it as he once would. It felt so natural to him, and while you would not admit it, it felt natural to yourself as well. You had to stop yourself from leaning into his touch, your body reacting naturally to his touch, like he was made just for you. The thoughts of years gone by plagued your mind, how this was so natural to the both of you, it was like despite the time lost, it was as though your souls were never apart, still reaching for one another, desiring and craving the affection and attention of the other. “All we can do now is try to focus on now. You can’t take back your decision to leave and raise her alone, but you can change what happens between the two of you in the future.” He said, his heart felt lighter as your crying started to subside. Despite that, his mind yelled at him to hate you, to yell at you, to hurt you like you hurt him, but his heart knew you had been hurting just as he had, the hurt was just for a different reason. “If I can, I’d like to see her?” Sunghoon finally dropped onto you, fully removing himself from your body, his hands dropping from your back and hair, he instead picking up his previously discarded phone, deciding now is better than ever. He had no doubts the child in the photo was her, and she looked almost identical to him.

It was odd, he soothing you, attempting to help you despite what you had done to him, what you had done to your daughter. His words were soothing, calming, relaxing. Your mind was confused, he should be yelling, he should be screaming, he should be threatening to sue, he should be doing so many other things than calmly soothing you and talking softly. As he asked the question you had been waiting for, it felt as though time stood still. Three years she had been your little secret, she knew nothing of her father and her father knew nothing of her, but here stood her father, wanting nothing more than to see her. Nodding slowly, you stood to your feet, moving almost like on autopilot, not a thought was in your mind as you walked through the house to your bedroom door, knowing Sohee slept on the other side. “She’s sleeping, or she was, so we need to be quiet,” you softly warned him, not wanting her to wake up and see him yet, knowing you needed time to acclimate her to the idea of another person, to the idea of her father. Watching as Sunghoon nodded his head, the door was soon open, revealing the sleeping toddler laying in her bed, the soft grey bunny she was so attached to still clutched in her tiny hands.

A gasp was easily heard getting caught in Sunghoon’s throat, never in his life would he have imagined this feeling. A warmth felt in his chest, despite knowing nothing about her, he felt like he loved her, of course he did, he had helped to create her. Staring at the sleeping figure, it took everything in him to not cry. His heart wanted to weep as he gazed upon the tiny blanket covered figure. Meanwhile his mind was confused, wanting to weep alongside his heart, but at the same time wanting to scream and yell from the fact that he missed all those first. He never got to see her for the first time walking, hear her first words, hear her first giggle, see her as she entered the world for the first time. Despite the automatic feelings of love he felt towards her, he could not help but remind himself he was staring at a child he knew nothing about, for being a father, he did not feel like a father. As he watched her small face scrunch up as she shifted about, clutching her soft pink Hello Kitty blanket closer, he could not help but hope that you would allow him to stay, and that maybe with time those feelings would come, with time he should start feeling like a father, with time he would be her father. His gaze shifted from the sweet little face of the toddler to what she clutched in her hands as she slept, a familiar grey stuffed rabbit toy. It brought back memories from years ago, almost six years ago at this point, and he felt his heart swell with joy, that alone meant more to him than you would ever hear from him. The fact that you kept a stuffed animal he had given you so long ago and the fact that you gave it to your daughter gave him an odd sense of hope. Hope that the future might be bright, that your future together might be bright.

Closing the door gently behind him, the two of you returned to the living room, finding yourself seated on the chair once more, Sunghoon still in a daze from seeing his daughter for the first time in real life. Unable to think of much to say, you simply decided to tell him her name since you were unsure of what else to say to him. “I know you haven’t asked, but her name is Sohee.” You told him, watching as the daydreaming gaze over his eyes faded, being replaced by tearfilled eyes. As the name slipped past your lips, you hoped that he would not remember the day of discussing children’s names so many years ago, however, as he heard the name, his mind went back to that day. Casually talking amongst your friends, and joking about what you would name your future children; some saying random names of random items one might find around the house, however Sunghoon simply commented on a name he liked, Sohee, claiming he felt it was perfect for a little girl.

Hearing the name, Sunghoon froze, the thought that you remembered that day when naming her hit him hard. The idea that you named her a name he claimed to want to name his future daughter, filled his heart with joy. Despite you leaving, he was still on your mind the whole time. He would have preferred you to be honest with him, to be truthful with him, so he could be there for her and yourself. He wished he could have been there when you had her, he should have been there, he should have held your hand as you struggled through everything, he should have been one of the first people to hold her after you, they were all memories that he would never get now, but he could only hope that you would allow him to make those memories now. “You named her Sohee.” He softly muttered, trying his best not to cry. With the flurry of emotions he had been overwhelmed with today, it took a lot for him to calm down so he did not cry. Within the span of about four hours he had gone through possibly every emotion known to man; denial, joy, sorrow, anger, grief, betrayal, pride, amusement, relief, love, contentment, disgust, and so many more. “I want to meet her properly, I’m her father and she deserves to know that, and I deserve to have a relationship with her.” Sunghoon started, as he kneeled down in front of where you sat, taking your own hands in his, forcing you to look at him as he spoke. “I know she probably knows nothing about me, but you can’t hide her from me anymore. She deserves to know who her father is. Even though I’m still pissed about this whole situation, we need to put our personal feelings aside for what is best for her.” He said, despite knowing he just saw her for the first time, he could feel his heart swell with joy as he gazed upon her cute features, wanting nothing more than to keep her happy and cared for.

Hearing his words, you thought to yourself that everything you had believed he would do once he knew about her was wrong. With the confines of your mind prison you had convinced yourself that he would take her from you, he would sue you for custody, he would leave you without your child. Despite all these years, he still spoke to you gently with kindness, it reminded you of why you fell in love with him to start with. As he expressed his desire to get to know Sohee, to be her father, to let her know her father, a smile softly covered your features. “She has started talking about her father, she knows nothing as of right now. I didn’t want to explain everything to her this young, all she knows is her dad just isn’t around right now.” You told him, it was the truth, occasionally she brought up why characters in her shows had two parents while she only had one. Luckily at her young age, she could not fully understand why her familial situation was different from what she saw on television, all she knew is that her favorite cartoon characters had two parents, but she only had one. “I think she would like to meet you,” the sentence started but trailed off, unsure of what else to say. It took everything within you not to admit that you would like him to meet her officially as well, to start to form some form of relationship with her, to be the father she deserves.

All the years of fear and worry were for naught, Sunghoon was not going to steal your daughter away, he was not going to rob you of your joy and child, he just wanted to be in her life. Letting your hands drop from his clutch, you could not stop yourself from thinking about how different things could have been if you made the choices your family and Karina wanted you to make so many years ago. Had you told him you were pregnant all those years ago, where would the three of you have been now? As the thought crossed your mind, you imagined telling him and him reacting with joy, the two of you had honestly thought you were endgame all those years ago, so it would only make sense he would react with such excitement. Sohee would have had the family she deserved, Sunghoon would have achieved his dreams, since as he said his dream was always being with you. The past three years in which you struggled to get by and raise her on your own, Sohee would have never had to go without since she would have had both parents to fall back on. Your parents would have easily stepped up to help, and you would like to imagine Sunghoon’s would have as well. It might be three years late, but the thought that Sohee would get that life, possibly getting two supportive and loving parents felt great, better late than never. Despite the joy you felt in your heart at his words, the darker part of your mind kept rising up, trying to convince you that this is just a ruse, a way to gain access to her and take her away permanently, like you feared he would so many times.

The sheer amount of joy Sunghoon felt towards the child felt odd, but he could finally understand what others say about a parent’s love. He might not know the child, but just knowing it was his, left him wanting to protect her and bring her joy. Had someone told him just a month ago that he would have a child, that he would be going through the process to meet her properly, he would have thought they were crazy. Having a child this young was never in his cards, but honestly falling in love with you all those years ago was never in his cards either, and after you left, the idea of the two of you finding each other again was not in those cards either. “I would love to be able to meet her officially. I know she’s not going to know who I am, but I want her to.” Sunghoon started, all he could think of was being the father his daughter deserved, someone that would be there for her, and he had three years to make up for now. He would not admit it, but deep within his heart, he wanted to be someone you deserved as well. Three years had passed, you had hidden a child from him, you had left him broken hearted, but the heart wants what it wants and even after all these years it still only wanted you.

Nodding as he spoke, you agreed with him. “I think it’ll take her a while to get used to it, after all she’s only had me for all these years, but I’m willing to try.” You explained to him, seeing the reaction on his face, thankful that he did not say what he was obviously thinking, probably something along the lines of saying and whose fault is that, when you mentioned her only having her mother for all those years. It was your fault, you would admit that, but you thought it was what was best at the time. “I think we need to create a schedule. Let you meet her a few times, allow her to get accustomed to who you are, before we really let her know exactly who you are.”

The words you said were met with a nod from Sunghoon, as badly as he wanted to do nothing more than immediately wake the child up and tell her that he was her dad, he knew that was not a good decision. Hearing the apprehension in your voice, he could tell you were torn in regards to this, he could only imagine what was going through your mind in that time, while he was experiencing joy and anger and regret, he could only imagine the fear in your mind. You had hidden her for three years, now he was here wanting to be in her life, it was only reasonable to expect you to have some fear in regards to your child. “Yeah, that’s fine, just message me, my number’s never changed.” He admitted, deciding it was finally time for him to leave, despite how badly he wanted to see his child again. Even after all these years, he never changed his phone number, in the hopes that he would get a message from you one day. “You’ve raised her alone for three years, but you don’t have to be alone anymore.” He told you, smiling as he saw a slight smile upon your face before he excused himself.

It was already night by the time he left, the two of you spoke and cried for hours, despite wanting to be filled with anger and hatred towards you, all he felt was regret that you thought telling him of the pregnancy would ruin his dreams, and joy that you were willing to let him try to be there for the both of you. As he hit the road, he made his way back home with ease. The drive was one that just came back to him so easily, driving from your house to his, and it was not long before he was at his own house’s door. Entering his house, he finally decided to go into the group chat he had been ignoring for hours. It was a mess when he left, and was a mess when he returned. Heeseung had added Jay and Sunoo back into it, much to Jake’s ire. Sunoo had been forgiven by Jake it seems, especially after he reminded the other that he was not part of your whole high school drama, and knew nothing of this. Jay it seems was almost fighting for his life, explaining how he knew about the child for months, but chose not to share since it was not his spot to do so. Seeing the plethora of messages, Sunghoon simply sent one message before turning his phone off. A message that simply said ‘she’s mine’, causing everyone but Jay to set the group chat ablaze, as they freaked out in regards to the simple two word message. Yet, as Sunghoon turned his phone off the flurry of messages from Jake, Heeseung, and Sunoo would go unanswered until a later time.

The next day the two of you quickly scheduled a meeting at the park. While it was winter, the middle of January at that, the day was oddly warm, and you decided to let your sweet child take advantage of the unusual warmth for the day. Sohee ran around the playground, going from the swings to the slide, having the time of her life. Being the only person on the playground just after noon on Sunday was fun to her, not having to wait to use anything or share with another, it was just like her own private event. Sunghoon sat in his car for almost ten minutes after arriving at the park, doing nothing but watching, observing the child as she played. For most people when they have a child they get to go through the whole thing, starting with holding a baby that can not even wrap its hand all the way around their parents finger, to starting to babble and crawl, before walking and talking and running, then starting school as they grow even older. He however, was missing the entire first part of that, skipping all the way to the children talking and running and about to start school. For a moment, he contemplated leaving, letting Sohee enjoy her day without having to worry about how she would react to him. But, as his phone buzzed with a text asking if he was on his way, he decided that he better go ahead and do it now.

Exiting his car, the child paid him no mind. She was in her own little world, the playground taking each and every bit of her attention. He found himself sitting next to you, wordlessly just watching Sohee, as you were. “She’s very energetic, isn’t she?” He said, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence, not really knowing what else he should say. Watching as she went down the slide then immediately ran over to the jungle gym, climbing up it the best she could with her little legs and little arms. Watching as you nodded, not seeing a reason in responding, he still felt odd with the silence between the two of you. Once upon a time the silence would be comforting, the two of you would sit arm in arm in silence just satiated with each other’s presence, but those days are long gone. “Is it bad I’m terrified?” He finally said, getting out what had been on his mind this whole time, “What if she hates me?”

The inner turmoil was evident in Sunghoon’s face, but you felt it was not your position to isolate that problem and bring it up, after all this was your fault, his problems were all caused by you and your decisions. “She won’t hate you, she’s three, she still doesn’t understand the concept of hate,” was what was said, before deciding it was probably not the best thing to tell him, his fears seemed unfounded to you, but to him it was valid. “She won’t hate you, you can just tell her what you are comfortable with. We don’t have to immediately throw everything at her, you can just meet her today, letting her know everything else can wait till later.” Words which you hoped would soothe the situation, calm his nerves, which oddly they did.

Watching Sohee in silence continued for a few more minutes, it was almost ten minutes later when the child noticed her mother was not sitting alone. A scream left her lips before she ran over, the child scaring both yourself and Sunghoon, not expecting her to do that, but she was so shocked at seeing someone else in the park, she was unable to stop herself from doing so. Finally reaching where you sat, she wrapped her arms around your leg, hiding on the side of the bench opposite from Sunghoon. “We don’t scream like that Sohee, that’s not nice.” You told her, the looks she was giving Sunghoon quickly turned into pouty glances up at you, her little hands clutching at your pants leg tightly. “This is…” you trailed off, unsure how to introduce him to the child, but luckily he picked up where you left off, even after all these years he still had the gift to finish your sentences.

“A friend of your moms,” Sunghoon quickly said, watching as you removed Sohee’s hands from your pants, placing her in your lap. The look the child stared up at him shifted, no longer was it a look of fear or terror, it was a look of confusion. From that look alone, he questioned whether he had messed up, seeing how it seemed as though she thought it was odd her mom had another friend. The confusion gave him a glimpse into how you must have been living since you were back, keeping a small circle, so few friends that a new one set off red flags to your daughter. Smiling at the child, he tried to keep her from being scared anymore than she already was.

Sohee knew everyone in her mom’s life, after all they were basically a buy one get one free deal, since she would never go anywhere without her little Sohee. So, having a stranger claiming he was her friend was odd to your little girl. She knew everyone in your life, and honestly Sunghoon was not part of that, so you could not blame her for being scared of the tall unknown male. If she was older she would have immediately recognized some of her own features that were present on this ‘friends’ face, but being a child, she only knew the tall raven haired stranger was nothing but that, a stranger. “Friend?” Sohee’s soft voice questioned, as you nodded your head, trying to get her to warm up to him a bit more.

Hearing her voice, Sunghoon felt as though his heart was going to collapse, his heartbeat was elevated and it felt as though it was being squeezed. Despite how much the child was identical to him in looks, he could easily tell her voice and attitude were all yours. Seeing how she questioned the friend part, he nodded his head as well. Moving from where he sat, he kneeled on the ground, allowing himself to look at Sohee from eye level. “Yeah, I’m your mom’s friend. I’m Sunghoon.” He said to the child, offering her a soft smile, before reaching his hand out, letting the small child take his hand. As Sohee clutched his hand, he felt a warmth spreading throughout his chest, it might have been three years too late, but her small hand attempted to shake his, like she had seen adults in her life do. Sunghoon felt a feeling he had not felt within his chest in many years, the last time he felt it was when he confessed his feelings to you all those years ago. The pure feeling of love was all that consumed his heart, and he hated to admit it, but even those feelings from years ago remained somewhat, despite all his attempts to rid himself of them.

“Sunghoon?” Sohee muttered, trying the name out. You knew she had never heard of that name, you were careful to never mention him to her. It was once your worst fear, the idea that she would want to meet her dad and she would choose him over you, or he would steal her away from you. But, as you watched Sohee’s small hand clutching around two of Sunghoon’s fingers, her trying her best to shake his hand, you felt regret filling your heart, he should have been able to have all these months when she was born, not three years later like an afterthought. “Sunghoon.” Sohee said again, much more confidently, but as she said it, part of your heart wished she was saying something else to address the man that once, and honestly still did own your heart. Sohee was quick to fling herself into his arms, hugging him as she did with most of her friends. Watching as Sunghoon was taken aback by the child’s actions, it reminded you of the first time she officially met Sunoo and Jungwon in a setting that was not just working on a project, how she projected herself at them like a rocket, scaring Sunoo half the death and he feared dropping the child, and causing Jungwon to have to breakout his extremely quick reaction time to keep from dropping her.

Sunghoon was surprised when Sohee launched herself into his arms, hugging him, as she did, he heard her softly muttering the words Sunghoon and friend. Hearing that, he wished it was another word she was saying, but he knew it was best to not completely throw that onto her too early. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tight, feeling his heart swell with joy, the thought that the girl he was hugging in his arms was his daughter hit in full force, the thought that he helped create this beautiful life in his arms was all that filled his mind. Sunghoon released the child as she pulled back, jumping down before grabbing his hand, starting to tug him towards the playground.

“Friend play with me?” Sohee asked, starting to drag Sunghoon towards the playground, leaving you sitting on the bench watching the interaction. Sohee was always quick to make friends, and it warmed your heart as you watched her interacting with her father. Sunghoon stumbled along trying to keep up with the child while also bent over, you could tell he did not want to let his hand lose grip with her hand. Pulling your phone out, you watched as they started to play on the swings, Sohee was quick to tell Sunghoon how to push her on the swing and how high she wanted to go. Snapping some photos, you found yourself sending them to Sunghoon, along with Karina.

Karina was the first person you told after Sunghoon left your house, she listened to you cry for hours about how he found out somehow. She simply calmed you down, telling you that he would have found out before long, and at least he knew now. As you sent the photos to her, all she replied with was a message saying ‘had you told him to start with, this would have more than likely been your life for the last three years’. The message hurt, you knew that Karina did not mean to harm you, but her words did. She was right, of course she was right, she was the one that advised you to tell him all those years ago, but instead you did not listen to her, instead thinking you knew best; which you sadly did not. Watching as Sohee giggled as Sunghoon pushed her higher, you knew that you made the wrong decision, you hurt both of them, and all you can do now is try to make things better.

This continued for hours, by the time Sunghoon was too tired to go on, the sun was low in the sky. Sohee was still as excited as ever, running circles around Sunghoon as he tried to keep up, watching her climbing up the slide with extreme speed before sliding back down. It was only when Sunghoon decided to sit that, that the two of you realized how late it was, deciding that it would be best to get Sohee home, and that you needed to meet up another day. Watching as Sohee hugged her friend goodbye, you could not help but softly smile at Sunghoon, watching as he hugged his daughter back. A scene that you could only hope would become more common, wanting it to occur more and more, hopefully a scene that would become a commonplace in your life, and his own.

Sohee was quick to fall asleep upon getting home, she barely had the energy to eat her dinner. However, you knew Sunghoon must be faring much worse, with how easily she dragged him around the playground with her. After she was asleep, plans were made with Sunghoon, the next week scheduling where and when to meet, before you yourself fell asleep.

Waking up the next morning, the sight was one you never expected. The bed where Sohee had been the night before was empty, but as you heard giggling from the living room, you could only assume she had awoken early and immediately went to play. That thought was confirmed, as you entered the living room, Sohee already had her dolls spread out, playing with them, leaving you to make the decision to start on her breakfast. Simply having a day at home, you felt that it would be best to give Sunghoon a day to recover after being with her yesterday, so instead of meeting up today, it was decided you would meet up tomorrow.

In the middle of fixing Sohee her breakfast you heard a slight giggling, followed by the shuffle of small feet. Thinking nothing of it, it was not until her soft voice spoke that you noticed she had something in her hand. “Mommy kiss Sunghoon?” She said, questioning, holding what seemed like a sheet of paper in her hand. Turning to her, you were confused, at no point did you ever tell her about your relationship with Sunghoon, keeping him as a friend, and that was all he was to her. But, seeing a familiar picture in the child’s hand, you found yourself remembering that day all those years ago.

Taking the photo out of Sohee’s hand, you saw the photo from your first pair program. The two of you had just won gold, you had been officially in a flirtationship for about two months at this time, and upon winning you could not stop yourself, kissing Sunghoon just after you left the ice. It was the night that you two became official, the night that officially started what would become your relationship. Taking the photo and placing it on the table, you said nothing about to her, instead deciding to get her to focus on something else. “Breakfast is almost ready, go wash your hands.”

Unbeknownst to you, a small hand snatched the photo from the table the moment you turned back to focus on what you were cooking. Sohee went upstairs, putting the photo in her little backpack, before returning to the small purple and silver box she was looking through before going downstairs. She grabbed another photo, once again a photo of Sunghoon and yourself; the two of you cuddled up on the sofa, a picture your mother had taken on one of your many movie dates. Sohee washed her hands before returning downstairs, putting another picture on the table for you to see.

Putting a plate in front of Sohee, you saw the photo she brought to the table, at that point, you had already forgotten about the other photo. Seeing the photo, you knew she was going through the box in your bedroom, you decided to immediately put it up on a shelf she can not reach, the next time you went into your bedroom. Breakfast went without a hitch, and soon you were in your bedroom, taking the box and placing it back onto the top shelf where it belonged. The box of memories away from your thoughts, and away from Sohee’s prying eyes. The rest of the day flew by without a problem.

After that, meet ups with Sunghoon became regular things, allowing him to get to know more about Sohee, and her becoming more and more comfortable around him. After about a month you found yourself at the park again, it was finally a day warm enough to subject Sunghoon to the pain he went through the first time he officially met her. You knew that little Sohee would probably do the same exact thing, and that you should probably pick up some pain patches for him, as a preemptive apology for what the three year old is about to put him through.

What you expected, is exactly what happened. Sunghoon had just arrived at the park, and he was already being pulled away to push Sohee and another little girl she had met at the park on the swings. Watching the three of them, your mind started to remind you how that could have been your life; a handsome boyfriend, honestly probably a husband at this point, and a few beautiful children. You were so zoned out watching them, you did not even notice that someone had taken a seat next to you, the mother of the little girl Sohee had quickly declared her best friend the moment she had arrived at the park. It was not until you heard her voice, that you noticed she was even beside you, “You have a beautiful daughter and what an amazing husband,” she said, watching as Sunghoon was being chased by the two girls at this point, he became the victim in whatever game the girls were playing.

“Thank you,” you started, then her words hit you, husband, he was not even your boyfriend at that point, let alone your husband. “He’s not my husband though.” Was how you finished your statement, letting her know the honest truth, but she only reacted with a gasp. At that you expected a lecture about having a child out of wedlock, or about having a child young and out of wedlock. But, instead she was just shocked, especially given the way he looked at you.

The mother gasped in shock, she had been observing how Sunghoon stared at his daughter and at you, like the two of you put the stars in his night sky, like he was nothing more than the dark void, and the two of you were the stars and moon that brought light to his life. “Well, the way I’ve noticed your boyfriend looking at you, I’m sure that ring will be coming soon.” The mom said, before standing, going to get her kid to go home. “I’ve never seen a man stare at someone in such a way, like he’d give everything to see you two smile.” She said, before calling her daughter over, announcing it was time to leave.

You had no chance to correct her, she was already gone by the time you thought of what she said. It was only then that you noticed what she said was true. The way he started at both yourself and Sohee, it was not with anger like you would expect, it was with love. But you knew that after all these years, you announcing you were still in love with would probably be the last thing he wanted. It was during this time that you noticed Sohee coming over to where you sat, quickly taking her little backpack from where it was placed besides you, before running back over to Sunghoon. Luckily the two of them were only about ten feet away from you, allowing you to enjoy the spectacle and show Sohee was giving. A laugh slipped past your lips as she started to show Sunghoon her collection of items, bottle caps she decided are pretty, a big rock she found on the way to the park this morning, and other items.

You could only imagine how Sunghoon felt as she pulled out a familiar item, the sweet little grey bunny with its long ears. As Sunghoon looked around Sohee to where you sat, you knew he remembered it as well. It was once something you slept with each and every night, it reminded you of Sunghoon, and would always be with you, even when he could not be. Now, it remained in Sohee’s grasp, she slept with it each and every night, she had a part of him with her all the time, even if neither of them knew it.

The little show and tell she was giving Sunghoon was adorable, until she got to the end of her bag and pulled something out that you had long forgotten. The photo from all those weeks ago. The photo from your first program, honestly that moment is probably what led to Sohee in the first place, if you wanted to be completely serious. Sohee was quick to load her backpack back up, before leaving it with Sunghoon as she ran off to play on the slide some more. You did not want to, staring at Sohee instead of him, but you noticed his labored steps, he walked slowly towards you, staring at the picture in his hand.

Once he finally sat down beside you, only then did he break the uncomfortable silence, “I still remember that night.” Was all he said, before putting the backpack beside you, leaning down resting his elbows on his knees as he turned to look at you. “I still think about that night all the time,” you nodded as you listened to him, seeing his face light up as you yourself admitted to thinking about it as well.

“We’re not the same people we were when we fell in love,” you started, staring down at the picture in his hand. “We were so carefree, we were in high school, nothing to worry about except tests and skating.” You said to him, your eyes shifting back to Sohee, this conversation was not one you expected to have today, but here you were having.

Sunghoon nodded his head, turning to fully put all of his attention on you. “We definitely aren’t the same people.” He said, turning his attention to Sohee. Back then you two were the it couple, the perfect pair. But now, the two of you were willing co-parents if anything.

“But I am still in love with you,” was all that came out to start with, you unsure of what else to say. Fear that he would reject you filled your veins, the idea that he would laugh in your face, or make fun of you for these feelings after all these years filled your mind. Yet, you found yourself unable to stop, needing to get these feelings out, knowing if you did not do it now, you would go it never. “Are you still in love with me?”

Sunghoon thought he was hallucinating to start with, the words you said, he had to be imagining them. Three years had been spent hoping to hear that again, to hear your sweet voice tell him that he loved you, but now that it was, he found himself afraid to get hurt again. “I don’t,” was all he said to start, he immediately regretted his word choice as he saw your eyes quickly fill with tears.

You stood up, wanting to get away as quickly as possibly, he had rejected you, and all those thoughts in your mind reminded you of how stupid you were. You thought that you would come back, introduce him to his daughter, confess your love for him after all these years, and he would say it back and you would live happily ever after. But this is real life, not some stupid fairy tale you tell Sohee to get her to sleep, and the princess and prince do not always end up together in real life.

Sunghoon was shocked at your sudden move, he quickly stood up, walking after you, grabbing your hand to stop you in your tracks. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.” He said, finishing his whole thought this time. “I always wanted you to be my end game, even after you left I never was able to move on, no one felt like you, they all just felt like placeholders as I waited for you to return with the other half of my heart.” He told you, pulling you closer to his body, taking both of your hands, and holding them in between the two of you. “But, I don’t know if I can trust you like I once did.”

Hearing his words, you felt your heart ache. He never stopped loving you, but you hurt him in a way he felt like he could not trust you to not do it again. “Give me a chance.” Being all that left your lips, as you stepped closer to him. This was your chance, your heart and your head were aligned for once, wanting nothing more than to rekindle the love and joy you once felt from this man. Despite the fear you once felt, now the only thing that lingered was the desire to be back within his arms, to be loved by him once more, to be his once again. Those three past years had been long years without him, and now that he was back in your life, you would not let him get away again. No longer would you make decisions based on what you think is best for those around you, instead you would listen to your heart, picking what is best for you.

“A chance for what?” Sunghoon asked, as he watched you. He really wanted everything to be like it once was, but those feelings in his head would not let his heart be happy, reminding him of how easily you left him the first time, and how easily you probably would again. He never even moved on when you left him the first time, he was broken, literally and physically. He never was able to go out with another person, none of them compared to you, they all seemed lackluster in comparison to you. He was broken when you left the first time, but if you played him again, left him again, he was unsure of what would happen then; but, he knew it would be worse, much worse than the first time around.

Staring into his eyes, you found yourself saying words you never imagined you would say. You never thought he would even take a chance to hear you out, let alone allow you to pour your heart out to him. “A chance to prove to you that I can make you happy. A chance to prove to you that I still love you. A chance to prove to you that I’m not gonna run this time. A chance to prove to you that you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” You said to him, wanting to say so much more to him, wanting to open up your heart and pour your feelings out to him. Let your heart flow unabridged, words flowing without a filter, but you kept it in, knowing you did not want to scare him off. You left him once already, knowing Sunghoon how you did, he was probably more worried about it happening again. Yet, you knew deep within your heart, if he allowed you to own part of his heart once more, to hold his hand once more, to be on his side, you would never leave.

At your words, Sunghoon was torn. His mind and his heart tearing him into two different directions. His heart was quick to remind him of how much he once loved you, how much he still loved you. It reminded him of those days as young teenagers, how in love you were in that time, how your hand would fit into his like puzzle pieces that belonged together, how you would always sit in his lap and fall asleep on his shoulder, how in those times he felt like he wanted that forever and everything. But his brain was more of a realist, quick to say she broke your heart once and she will do it again, reminding him of how he shattered his leg when you left the first time. It reminded him of how when he needed you most, you were nowhere to be found, his phone number blocked and you left the country in order to avoid him. Despite the convincing arguments from his brain, he decided to do something he never thought he would. Staring into your eyes, he found himself remembering those days all those years ago, staring into your eyes until you would blush and look away, remembering the slight flush that would come upon your features as he stared. For once, he chose his heart, deciding that he might as well give it another chance, things would be different this time, afterall it was not just yourself and him in his situation, but little Sohee as well. You allowed him to form a relationship with your daughter, and now he felt that you wanted to reform your relationship with him. Sunghoon found himself nodding, “One chance,” He simply said, smiling down at you. Finding himself thinking things that he had not thought about for years, but this time all the dates you would go on had another meaning, since it would not just be yourself and him, but instead your daughter as well. And he was destined to not let you go again, nor would he let you take his daughter with you again.

Sunghoon may have offered you one chance, but the genuine truth is that he would give you a million chances. You could leave him broken once more, and he would still be willing to give you another chance. You could do anything, and he would always be willing to give you another chance. He was down bad for you since the moment he first kissed you all those years ago, and even now nothing has changed, he would do anything for you, and would let you do anything to him. He hoped one chance would be enough, seeing the look in your eyes, he felt that you felt the same as he did, wanting nothing more than to be with him forever. Since, honestly, he wanted nothing more than to be with you for his forever, you were his forever, even if you just took a little break in between.

Hearing his words, it was as though every cell in your body came to a stop. It took you a minute to realize what he had said, he did not laugh in your face and tell you no, he did not turn around and leave you right where you stood, he instead said one chance. The memories of how you left him all those years ago made you believe he would have not given you even the time to speak, you know if the positions were switched, you probably would not have given him any extra chances. Yet, you had one chance, and all you could think was that is all you need. You would never leave him again, you would never want to break your own heart again, like you did before. Your place is with him, and that was something you had realized, and would make sure it was a place you would stay. “That’s all I need,” muttered under your breath, a smile coming to your face, your gaze shifting from the photo in his hand to look up at him. You would never admit it, but you wanted those days back, the days in the photo. The days when Sunghoon and yourself were inseparable, the days when you spent more time in his arms than out of them, the days where the only worries you had were skating and tests and trying not to get caught making out in the hallway by the teachers. Those days were so simple, so easy, and you missed when your love was carefree and a breeze like that.

Getting ready to say something else, you however were interrupted as something ran between the two of you, quickly grabbing Sunghoon’s hand and dragging him off. A laugh fell from your lips as you watched him try to keep up with Sohee, she decided it was time for him to play with her again. Making your way back to the bench, the thoughts of being a proper family filled your mind, the idea of Sohee not only having a mother at home, but also a father, her father. It would not be the picture perfect life you once planned, but it would be perfect for what is your life. Breaking his heart once was not in the original plan, and breaking it a second time definitely was not in the new and improved plan.

Watching the two of them play, the only thought plaguing your mind was whether this would be good for Sohee. As she dragged Sunghoon around the playground, you finally thought for a second that maybe this was not the best for everyone, as much as you wanted it to be, what if Sohee reacted badly to this. Sohee only knew Sunghoon as your friend, what if she reacted negatively to the fact he is actually her father, what if she reacted negatively towards him and you attempted to date again. What if the best thing for her was to just continue being a single mother, focus on her, with no other interruptions.

Those thoughts did not have time to dwell however, as you found yourself being dragged from the bench. Sohee brings you over to the swings, where she had left Sunghoon. She was quick to push you towards one of the many swings, before taking a seat herself. “Sunghoon push swings.” Sohee called out, starting to giggle as he pushed her on the swing she was seated on. Watching her, it was these moments that you treasured, the sweet little moments with her, these moments would hopefully turn into sweet little moments with her and Sunghoon. You did not have much time to think about that however, as Sohee’s voice broke your eardrums once more. “Mommy swing too. Sunghoon push mommy too.”

Unable to resist your sweet child’s call for you to join her, you sat on the swing finally, smiling softly as she started to laugh even more. It did not take long for Sunghoon’s hands to push against your back, pushing you on the swing as he did Sohee. He alternated between pushing Sohee and yourself, and he just did every little thing that Sohee told him to do. It was in that moment you realized, he was not going to leave easily, as he listened and accommodated each and every one of her little demands. She was quick to yell higher, only to yell too high, lower, not that low, faster, not that fast, slower, but not that slow. She was indecisive, and it was honestly adorable as he tried to swing her perfectly like she wanted, the task seeming impossible.

As he pushed you again, once Sohee had decided he was doing it perfectly, you found yourself remembering all those years ago. When you were in high school and would find your way to the playground after practice, the two of you swinging on the swings while holding hands, knowing that you only had an hour before curfew. The two of you would enjoy your time together each time, talking while trying to swing at the same speed, sharing thoughts about school, your programs, and what you should do on your next free day. He would push you on the swings, teasing you with how high he could push you before you started to cry for him to not push you so high, the smile that would come to his face before he would kiss you as an apology filled your mind. Sohee quickly grew bored and ran off, so Sunghoon continued to push you, after a few pushes, you felt his hands on your waist. With that feeling, you found yourself turning back to view him, his eyes were glazed over as he stared at you, that alone let you know he was thinking of the same thing. As you made eye contact, you were both quick to look away, he moved back allowing the swing the stop, the two of you were quick to refocus your attention on Sohee. By then, the rambunctious toddler was ready to go, as the three of you left the park, you found yourself deciding that you would never make the same mistakes again; you would focus on your happiness, and he being in your life was the most important part of it.

It was odd seeing Karina and Sakura within your house after so many weeks, life had caught the three of you. Your usual weekly hangout sessions had been cut, Karina’s boss often wanting her to cover shifts at work, while Sakura was busy with a project in another class. Yet, today the three of you found yourself sitting on the sofa of your living room. Sohee was playing happily with her toys, not paying any mind to the three of you and your conversation, or so you thought. “How are things going? I know this must have been a massive change for you.” Karina absent mindedly asked, she knows how you honestly probably would have never told him, had someone not texted him that photo of you all.

Sitting in silence for a moment, you weighed the options of what your words would mean to the two of them. They knew everything, and how you described things would either excite them, especially Karina and her idea that her favorite couple is getting back together, or it would put them both into a sad mood for the rest of the night. While you knew Sunghoon was only giving you a chance, you were so happy for that, honestly, within the deepest recesses of your mind, you could only hope that Karina’s idea would be the one coming true. “He gets along with her so well,” was how you started, sparing a glance at the preoccupied child before continuing, “She really does like him, granted, they mostly only hang out for a few hours, she really loves having him around. I honestly think he is ready and willing to fully take his position as her father, yet, I don’t want to rush anything or throw too much at him too quickly.” It was difficult to admit, your previously preconceived idea of what you needed to raise Sohee only had two variables, herself and you, but honestly, maybe you needed all three of you all along, you were just too stupid to realize it all those years ago.

Shock graced both Sakura and Karina’s faces, they were amazed at your words, shocked at what you just shared with them. “He wants to just forget everything and be her dad?” Sakura asked, confusion falling across her features, as soon as the shock left. It seemed like a dumb idea as well, you hid her away from him for three years, but now that he knows of her, he wants to go back to how it should have been, he wants to be there for her like he should have been all along.

With a simple nod, it was an idea you found hard to believe as well. Most men your age would have run the opposite direction, happy to live childfree for however many years more, until they felt ready for the concept of fatherhood. Yet, here Sunghoon was ready to step into it after only a month of knowing the child, well a month of knowing he had a child, a month of knowing his child. “I just don’t want to mess anything up. He agreed to give me another chance, and I just don’t want to make any mistakes. Like I fully didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him face to face again, and he gave me a second chance, and I just don’t want to mess anything up for their relationship. Like what if I go too quick and he gets scared? What if we get together, Sohee gets used to calling him dad, just for him to decide this isn’t for him? I just, I don’t know what to do.”

As you started explaining your thoughts, Karina was quick to pull you into her side, Sakura started to rub your arm at the same time. “I genuinely think he’s not going to do that,” Karina stated to tell you, “He was absolutely enamored with you when you were in high school. I remember the first time I saw you two together in high school, I honestly thought to myself he would probably propose to you the moment you started college, even then I could see the love in his eyes. You two were always my ideal couple, and even now, I think everything will be fine. If he looks at Sohee with half the adoration he used to look at you with, I just know she’s going to have a wonderful dad.”

“Just don’t be scared, you did what you thought was best, he needs to understand that. If he feels the same way you do, then there is nothing to worry about, things will happen that are supposed to, and everything will fall into place as it should be.” Sakura picked up as Karina paused, giving you a little speech of her own. “While I did not know you in high school, from how everyone has described it, he loved you then, he probably loves you now, and he’ll probably still love you in the future. I don’t think he’d leave you and Sohee for anything, and I think if everything Karina says is true, then you’ll be a lovely family.”

With a simple nod, you found yourself resting in their arms, the three of you all intertwined as the conversation changed to them. As the conversation droned on, a little pair of ears had been listening all along, it was not eavesdropping when it was yourself they were talking about. Sohee had caught parts of the conversation, not many, but enough to know some new things, the words she caught being Sunghoon and dad. Sohee may only have been three, but she knew she was not like the other children she often played with at the park. They would oftentimes have two parents watching them, while she only had one. They should ask her where her father is, to which she would reply she only had a mother. But hearing this talk, the three year old’s little mind was made up, and she knew what she needed to do. Had the three of you known about a pair of little eavesdropping ears, you would have spoken with more tact, choose your words better to leave no room for miscommunications. Yet, Sohee was usually so enamored with her little toys, you paid her presence no mind, as the three of you conversed.

Before you knew it, it was a Friday night, luckily you had managed to talk Sunghoon into going out with you, the whole give me a chance thing. It was odd, once upon a time dates with him came with ease. You would pick your outfit without a second thought, you would be ready and waiting by the time he would arrive at your house, and you would spend time with him without a second of worry crossing your mind. Yet, here you were staring at your closet, unsure what to wear, it was like you were going on a first date again for the first time in forever. It was tempting to call Karina upstairs from where she was in the living room, watching Sohee for you this evening, but you knew it she came, Sohee would follow, and so would her little questions. Instead of having to explain to your daughter where you were going tonight, you instead decided to make the decision yourself, hoping that maybe you would make Sunghoon’s heart skip a beat and the butterflies within his stomach erupt like you once did before.

Staring at yourself in the mirror, you had little time to contemplate your choice of clothing, since as you touched your hair up, a message shone on your phone. He was outside, waiting for you, reading his quick ‘I’m here’ text sent you back to all those nights years ago. You would hear his car down the road before you would hear him knocking upon your house door, rushing downstairs trying to keep him from having to talk to your parents for too long, really it was trying to keep your parents from saying anything embarrassing before you made it downstairs. Running out the door with him, hand in hand, as he would help you into his car, before making his way to the driver's door. He would always make sure to reach over, buckling you in, unless you had already done it. All those years ago you were always his passenger princess, he allowed you to do nothing but sit beside him and enjoy yourself as he drove wherever you desired, the only thing you had to focus on was playing the right music that the two of you could sing along to while he drove. Yet, this was not all those carefree years ago, it was now, and now you had a lot of worries, you had a lot of things to care about, and most of all you had the worry of messing up once again, fumbling what you once thought was your future, possibly forever.

Rushing downstairs, it was like all those nights years ago, yet this time you were rushing to keep Sohee from realizing someone was here, rather than to keep your parents from embarrassing you. “He’s here,” you shortly told Karina, before leaning down and giving Sohee a kiss on the forehead. “Mommy will be back later, you’ll be good for Aunty Karina right?” you asked the child, watching her nod, not even paying attention to you, yet, you knew you had nothing to worry about. Finally exiting the house, there he stood, Sunghoon in all his glory. During his high school days he would have been wearing some worn jeans and that old hoodie of his, but now here he stood wearing black slacks and a nice button down shirt, a clear sign that things had changed, time had moved on, and things were not all the same. Yet, you knew you were not dressed as you once would have either, instead of his oversized sweater and a pair of leggings, there you stood wearing a dress, since time had not only passed for him, but also yourself.

Walking up to him, he was quick to open the door for you, allowing you to enter the vehicle, before he made his way to the driver’s side. No longer did he own that run down car that barely ran and was always threatening to give out on him, instead he was behind the wheel of a newer-ish vehicle, it made no rattling noises as it came to a start. Fastening your seatbelt, you barely heard a noise thinking nothing of it, assuming it was maybe just the vehicle, yet it was not. Sunghoon had muttered to himself, “You look beautiful,” but as you did not respond, he did not press the issue. Unlike all those nights you spent together years ago, this time, there was an awkward air about. The air reeked of unease, the uncertainty feeling flowed between the two of you, unsure of what was to happen this night, what was to happen between the two of you, should you even be trying to get back together, and just so many other what if’s.

As Sunghoon started to drive, you noticed his hand finding its usual spot on the center console, it was like muscle memory, your hand found its way into his. The two of you sat like that for a good two or three minutes, before what you were doing hit you. Both of you were quick to wrench your hand from the other’s grasp, “I’m sorry,” You were quick to say, shifting to stare out the window, as you moved your hands into your lap, nails starting to stab into the palms of your hands, as you tried to resist the urge to reach out and grab his hand once more.

“We probably shouldn’t,” Sunghoon said as you spoke as well, your words all becoming flustered and jumbled. Despite how badly he wants to, he also knows within his heart, it is best to wait, to not get ahead of himself, to not try to revert back to how things were too quickly. Despite how badly he wants nothing more than to hold your hand, pull you into a bone crushing hug, and smother your beautiful face with his kisses as he once would have, he knew better, and he knew that he should not let himself get too excited. As badly as he wanted to take himself back to all those days years ago, he knew better than to indulge in those thoughts.

The silence was comfortable as you held hands, but now as the two of you tried to keep your minds from going back to those high school days, the silence was no longer comfortable. The silence was almost smothering, it was thick and harsh around the two of you. Neither of you spoke, maybe it was fear of saying something you would regret or maybe it was fear of saying something you would not regret but should not be saying so quickly. Vision blurred as he drove along, the buildings were just blurs of random colors as the city passed by through your window. It was not until you saw him turning into a familiar road that it hit you, where he was taking you, the diner.

The diner was a place of memories, it was where you had your first official meeting all those years ago, where you had your first date, and sadly also where the two of you had your last date before you left Sunghoon all those years ago. Moving back here, you completely forgot about this place, it held too many memories for you to want to be within its walls once more. He would never admit it, however Sunghoon felt the same way you did, it was three years since the last time he was at the diner as well, unable to return within its walls once again like you were. The place held too many happy memories for both of you, memories than neither of you wanted to bring up once you were apart. Yet, here you were, on another first date, and honestly it was fitting, where it started it also ended, and all you could hope was that once it started again, it would not have an ending this time.

As his car came to a stop, the look of familiarity crossed your features, as he gazed at you. Sunghoon had driven to the diner without thinking much, it was such an integral part of your history, it was as though his brain slipped into autopilot mode as he was on his way here. Initially, he thought of going elsewhere, but seeing the fond look upon your face, he was glad he did not.

Sunghoon exited the vehicle, being quick to come to your side of the car, opening the car door for you. Leaving the car, it felt like being teleported back into being high schoolers, the two of you walking arm in arm into the diner, the familiar decor was like home, even the waitress was the same as the one from all those years ago. It was nice seeing a smile graced her face as she quickly came over to your table, if it was not for the stray grey hairs in her hair, you would have assumed time stood still within the diner, as it appeared just as you last remembered it. The waitress quickly took your orders, and probably would have started to talk your ears off, had her boss not caught her attention and made her walk away to do her work. The silence was awkward for a moment, neither of you wanting to break the silence, or maybe neither of you knew how to break the silence. The feeling of sitting across from him reminded you of all those years ago, when you two had just been paired together, forced to work together against your will.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been here,” Sunghoon’s voice muttered, he being the first to break the uncomfortable silence the two of you had been sitting in. “Yet, it seems like nothing has changed,” He added, having the same exact thoughts you had when you entered.

After a moment of silence, you finally responded, “It’s like it was all those years ago, almost makes me feel like we are back in high school again.” The words fell out before you could stop them, your habit of speaking without thinking coming out at that moment. While it might have been like you were in high school again, you were anything but, no longer was it easy nights spent hanging out with Sunghoon or Karina, studying together and preparing for tests as a group. No longer was the work easy and the skating practice sessions hard. No longer did your life revolve around school, skating, and Sunghoon. Yet, you would not mind if it did once more, yet only adding another s into the mix, Sohee.

Sunghoon felt the words as you said them, he almost felt the same, it was like stepping back in time, yet you were not teleported back to those carefree days. “Yet, we aren’t. Things were so easy back then, so simple, yet now everything just isn’t.” With that, he trailed off unsure of what to say honestly, since so many things had changed. Time was spent doing college work instead of high school homework. Time was spent at jobs instead of skating practice. Time was spent raising Sohee instead of hanging with your friends. Your life at this time was college, Sohee, and work.

“It’s all my fault,” You muttered under your breath, knowing he felt this way due to yourself. “I just thought it would be easier for the both of us if I left. I thought it would make all the puzzle pieces click into place, and the next time I would see you would be on my television skating in the Olympics.”

Sunghoon was quick to shake his head, “It’s my fault as well, I should have noticed something was off before you left. I should have been able to stop you from leaving.” He said, a thought that has marred his mind since you revealed why you left, he should have been able to tell something was wrong, he should have been able to know you were pregnant before you left, he should have stopped you from leaving. “I just keep thinking about how different things would have been if I fought harder for you.”

With that thought, it was your turn to shake your head, “It’s not your fault, even if you fought harder, I still would have left. I just thought I was doing everything right, it broke me to leave you just as much as me leaving you broke you. I just thought at the time it was what was right, I thought that running away would be the best thing. I never thought about how you would truly feel, I only thought about how happy I wanted to see you achieving your dreams.” The words were slow to slip out, it took you a while to find how you wanted to word everything. The game of verbal tetris you were playing with your brain was irritating, the words finally coming out, at least the best they could at the time.

“I just wished you would have let me know, I would have found a new dream for you,” Sunghoon replied, but seeing the look on your face, he did not press the issue. “That’s enough of that. We’ve said it repeatedly, we can’t do anything about it now, we just need to move on. I want to know what happened to you while you were gone, you know what I did, I shattered my leg, quit skating, and found myself unable to move on.”

It was a thought you knew would come soon, yet you were still unsure how to answer the question, “I started college, I had Sohee, I raised Sohee, and that’s pretty much it. I could never move on from you either, no else just seemed to compare, everyone was subpar when I would think of them in comparison to you. I honestly did not even try, since no one compares to you. Maybe it was the delusions in my mind, but I like to think it’s the reality of you, giving me such high standards, no one can measure up.” Maybe it was wrong of you to reveal that to him, yet you felt no remorse, he needed to know how you felt.

Sunghoon found it hard to believe, while he never attempted to move on, since no matter what girl the boys showed him, none of them made him feel like you had; he found it hard to believe you never tried to move on. Yet, hearing your words, he felt it, he finally understood why. All these years, he thought he was the only one down so badly, he thought that you had probably moved on, found a man way better than he was, and was living happily ever after with your new man. Yet, no, you were in the same situation he was, so in love with someone to the point no one else could win your heart. Even after all these years, the distance, the betrayal, and everything; you two were still just two love sick fools waiting for a chance to be as you once were, and Sunghoon knew once the trust was finally built up between the two of you again, it would be just as it was all those years before. “No one was ever as beautiful as you. None of them ever made my heart beat as fast as you did. And none of them ever made me feel like butterflies were in my stomach begging to get out. Only you ever did that, and none of the other women they tried to set me up with, or introduce me to, ever made me feel even a tenth of how you made me feel.”

Your hand was quick to find him, he gave you a reassuring squeeze as you placed your hand within his. “I don’t ever plan on giving you up again. I should have never left all those years ago. I realize all my mistakes, and no matter how much I try, my heart has and will always be longing for you. I’ll spend as long as it takes to earn your trust back, I’ll do whatever it takes, since I’m not going anywhere, as long as you’ll allow me by your side, I’ll stay there.” Gazing up at his face, all you could think of was how you would make sure he never feels pain from your actions again, Sunghoon was willing to still love you after all these years, and you were going to make sure he never regrets that decision.

After that, the conversation felt a lot more natural throughout the date, it almost was like it was all those years ago. Leaving the diner, Sunghoon was quick to drop you off home, reminding you of the first date he took you on all those years ago. He was terrified of your parents being mad at him for keeping you out, so he brought you home directly after the date, making sure you were home well before curfew. As you watched him leave through the window of your front door, you were quick to remember how you had not kissed him that night, he had kissed you, and part of you wondered when you would feel his lips gracing yours once more.

Sunghoon was quick to adapt to a schedule with you, date nights on Friday night, park dates with Sohee on Saturday, and skating dates with Sohee on Sunday. Quickly it turned from you always accompanying the two of them, to Sunghoon insisting on taking her alone, claiming he wanted to spend time with her daughter even if you were not there. It was joyous watching as she grew closer and closer to her father, even if she did not know the man was her father, she oftentimes coming home with stories of what the two of them did at the park, usually her dragging Sunghoon around to play as he barely kept up with the child, or her telling you of all the tricks Sunghoon did while skating, and how cool it was, and how she could not want to do those exact tricks one day.

Sohee was quick to understand that you were dating Sunghoon, not really understanding the concept of dating, but she knew you loved him based on the two of you kissing once in front of her. At some point, the three of you started looking like a proper family, the family you always wanted for little Sohee, the family she would have had to start with, had you not been so stupid as to move away and hide her from him. Despite that, as your love with Sunghoon bloomed once more, his heart blossomed with love for his two girls, quickly taking to the position of being Sohee’s father. Sohee just loved the fact that both of the people in her life could skate and would take her skating, it also did not hurt Sunghoon would oftentimes take her out for sweets after their skating time was done either.

As the cherry blossoms started to bloom Sunghoon had the idea to take you on a date to the park, he always promised to take you to where the cherry blossoms bloomed when you were in high school, yet your skating schedules never allowed him to do so. As he planned a romantic picnic in the park, he knew you would love it, sweet dates like that were always your favorite. He could give you the choice between an expensive luxury three star Michelin restaurant, and a sweet picnic date featuring finger sandwiches he made and your favorite dessert from the cafe, and you would always pick the latter. Nothing brought joy to you as much as him putting in effort, he making food for you, he remembering to pick up your favorite tiramisu from that one little cafe, anyone could buy a meal at a restaurant, but you loved the little things he did for you.

Sitting on the large soft blue checkered blanket, you watched with nothing but adoration as Sunghoon pulled item after item from the dark brown picnic basket he had bought. Item after item decorating the blanket, a favorite of yours, a favorite of his, a favorite of both of yours. It was the ideal date, it was simple, but you loved that, it was something you could replicate any day with little money and little effort. Sunghoon remembered how you always talked about loving picnics, how a picnic and star gazing was your favorite date, and maybe that was what he had in mind when he planned this date. At the time, the weather was clear, and he assumed it would be a lovely time to do all of that. He planned to eat the picnic, take a stroll in the falling cherry blossoms, and then end the night stargazing with you. He would not admit it, but he already had some cheesy pickup lines ready to go, the stars might be beautiful but not as beautiful as you, the stars might be bright but not as bright as the stars in your eyes, and many other things already to go.

The joy on your face as the two of you started to eat warmed Sunghoon’s heart, the little comments on how he remembered you liked this and you liked that, of course he would, even if he tried, he would be unable to forget all those little details he loves about you. The joy did not fade either, as soon the two of you were walking hand in hand, putting the picnic basket and blanket in his car, before continuing on into the park. Soon you were underneath the cherry blossoms, the sheer beauty of the scene gripping your heart, reminding you of the scenes in movies. The highly dramatic scenes where the main characters take a walk under the falling cherry blossoms, Sunghoon and yourself being the main characters in this scene.

A laugh slipped from your lips as you felt the falling flowers making contact with your hair, looking up at Sunghoon, you found yourself staring into his eyes, seeing the flowers in his hair making him look even more beautiful than usual, if that was possible. Gazing up into his eyes, you found yourself muttering, as you pressed yourself against him. “I’ve fallen like a fool for you, every time I think I’m in too deep, I fall even further every time you look at me.” Being all you said, before your eyes found their way to his lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, yet not wanting to be the one to make the first move.

“I never really understood all the talk about love, but even after all these years, just staring into your eyes, I think I'm starting to understand it now, and I don’t ever plan on letting you go again.” Sunghoon muttered, his lips just centimeters from your own, but not daring to press against yours, despite how much his brain yelled at him to do so. The intrusive thoughts within his brain quickly won the power struggle going on in his mind, as his hands moved from holding yours, to cupping your cheeks, “You, you’re the one I love.” Yet, he refused to allow the thoughts in his brain to win as they begged him to kiss you, he instead asking, “What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

Staring into his eyes would usually send your brain into flashbacks of all those years ago, the time in high school where it was just you and him, yet now, your brain floods with ideas of the future, of your life together, of being a proper family. As he repeatedly confessed his love for you, it felt as though things were finally falling into place, you had already exposed your own love for him so many times ago, yet he was more cautious not wanting to be hurt again, but his words gave you everything you needed from him in that moment. Even after hurting him so long ago, you found your way to once again own his heart, and yours never left his ownership. “What would I do if you kissed me?” You repeated, “I would kiss you back,” was added shortly after, wanting nothing more than for him to do exactly that. “I want you to kiss me here, right now.” Was muttered as your lips were now almost against his own.

Sunghoon was quick to press his lips against your own, any space that was between the two of you quickly disappeared. His actions spoke much louder than any words he said could have in that moment, he started to smile into the kiss as he felt your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him as close to you as he could be. Sunghoon’s own hands moved from cupping your face running down your sides, claiming their place around your waist, pulling you against him as best as he could. The sparks he always felt when kissing you were felt once more, the butterflies within his stomach erupted, and while you would not tell him, you were feeling the same, nothing but joy and love filling your heart as the two of you kissed. It felt as though time was frozen as the two of you kissed, all those repressed feelings and emotions bleeding into the kiss. Three years apart did nothing but make the heart grow fonder, make your emotions and love for one another stronger, and leave your minds with the thoughts that you should have never left, while Sunghoon’s mind was flooded with the idea that he should have followed you, he should have fought harder, he should have never let you leave him. “Your lips taste the same, how I’ve missed them” Sunghoon muttered against yours, the second part of his sentence being nothing more than a whisper, as he finally pulled back, the lack of oxygen finally getting to the point you needed to part.

“For you I’d steal the stars,” You muttered back to him, your lips just barely away from his. As the two of you stood there, slightly panting, trying to catch your breath, you found yourself shifting under his gaze, wanting nothing more than to continue kissing him, to make your lips meet his once more. “Stop looking at me like that or I'm gonna kiss you.” You said to him, ready to completely fold under his gaze, and you quickly did, reconnecting your lips to his once more feeling as he smirked into the kiss, you felt nothing but the state of needing him more and more, unable to fathom the idea of going without him for a single second longer. You were the stars in his night sky, as he was your moon within the same sky, and apart neither of you thrived, you belonged together, you completed each other, you were the stars to his moon.

Your lips were quick to meet his, the soft flesh gently met, the kiss was currently delicate and tender; yet, as the two of you continued, it escalated quickly. The kiss shifted from soft and languid, to frantic and heated. The two of you were unable to get enough, the kiss becoming impatient and fiery, the hunger coming out, no longer did it feel familiar, a new level of desire coming to the surface as it quickly became sloppy and aggressive. No longer were the two of you apprehensive and nervous, quickly becoming eager and greedy as the kiss continued, wanting nothing more than the other as close as they could be. Lips changed from being pressed against each other gently, to crushing together, to devouring as you attempted to explore one another, needing more and more as hands clung to clothing, wanting to erase all space between the two of you, needing to be closer, since close was not close enough. Hearts palpitating as one of your hands clutched at the collar of Sunghoon’s shirt, palms sweating as your fingers on one hand tangled within Sunghoon’s hair, cheeks burning as Sunghoon’s arm circles around your waist, blood rushing through your veins while his other hand found its way between your shoulder blades. The kiss continued feverishly, all the emotions that you had held for the last three years flooding out into the kiss, you two just wanting more and more of each other, unable to ever get your fill. Finally parting, you found his forehead resting against yours as the two of you tried to catch your breath once more, staring into each other’s eyes, nothing but love and joy being exchanged in your gazes.

“I missed this, I missed you, everything about you.” You muttered under your breath, still slightly panting while trying to catch your breath. Your hands still clung to Sunghoon’s neck and hair, wanting nothing more than to pull him back to your lips, never wanting to let him part from you again. The love and joy filling your heart once again, reminiscent of how you felt all those years ago, yet now those feelings were more intense, no longer some silly puppy love, instead your heart was filled with the unadulterated feelings of love and desire for the man standing in front of you. The love in Sunghoon’s eyes mirrored yours, and this time it was not yourself that connected your lips once more, instead Sunghoon was the one that ducked down, the hand he still had on your shoulder blades quickly helping to connect the gap of space that was once between the two of you.

To any onlooker, the two of you would have looked like a lovesick adorable couple, young love in full bloom as the cherry blossoms were. The soft pink petals falling all around caused the scene to look even more picturesque. Two people so deeply in love, making out amongst the falling pink petals of the cherry blossoms whilst in the middle of the park, the moment was like one ripped directly from a movie or television drama. Sunghoon’s lips parted from your own, allowing you a moment to breathe, yet his lips were unable to leave you, he instead trailing them down your neck, placing rushed and feverish kisses all along your neck. Despite the euphoria, the joy you felt from the moment, the soft pink petals tangled within your hair were soon to fall. It started as a sprinkle, a sprinkle you ignored. Maybe it was that you did not want anything to ruin this moment for you, ruin the perfect feelings you were feeling, ruin the joy and love you felt from and towards the individual who you were currently tangled up in. Yet, that sprinkle was quick to change, as Sunghoon’s lips moved up your neck, resuming their place on your own. The kiss however was interrupted, the light sprinkles you had been ignoring suddenly turning into a downpour of rain. The once picturesque scene continued, rather than two lovers kissing amongst the falling cherry blossoms, instead it was two lovers kissing amongst the falling rain.

Sunghoon was the first to break away, despite how your lips so easily followed after his own, he pulled away from you, being the first to speak. “Let’s get out of this rain,” He started, only to be interrupted by a large crash of thunder, what was once a nice rainstorm turning quickly turning into a torrential thunderstorm. Sunghoon felt nothing but his heart swelling with love and joy as he heard the laughs slipping past your lips, at the scene, before he grabbed your hand and the two of you started running towards his car.

The two of you ran for a moment, until you almost fell, the shoes you had worn for your date were definitely not made for running, and definitely not for running while in the rain. The laughter rolled from your lips, as Sunghoon was quick to grab your waist, making sure you did not fall, and instead stayed safely pressed up to his side. “Come here, I'll carry you." Sunghoon was quick to say, leaning down, allowing you to climb onto his back, before he took off running again. Your arms wrapped around his neck, his hands quickly finding home on your thighs, as he held you steadily, letting you cling to his back, before he started to run back towards his car. Once by his car, he quickly put you down, allowing you to climb into the car, before he ran to the drivers side. These moments you felt so carefree, so youthful, like you had nothing to worry about but yourself and him. It was moments like these that made you feel the joy and simple happiness that having a child so early in life took from you, yet, you would never give up Sohee for anything, you felt as though your life now was eons better than even high school you would have imagined. Sunghoon’s laugh caught your ears, you turning to look at him, your hand finding its way up, pushing the wet hair off his face, wiping some of the raindrops off his skin, he ended up doing the same to you, the two of you pushing each other’s hair back, allowing you to fully see the others face. The sweet moment you shared however was fleeting, your lips desiring to reconnect with his, and you found yourself leaning over the center console of his car, lips meeting his once more. This moment however ended quickly, as somehow someone’s shoulder made contact with the car’s steering wheel, the horn of the vehicle causing the two of you to jump apart, before laughter filled the area once more.

In the midst of his laughter, Sunghoon decided maybe it would be better to head on back, rather than continue making out in the car. “Let’s head back,” He started, quickly shedding his jacket, before he started the vehicle up. The warmth of the heater was welcome, despite it being a warm spring, the rain robbed the air and your frames of all that warmth. In that moment, you found yourself reaching for Sunghoon’s hand unconsciously, and he did the same. Hands meeting, fingers intertwined, you found yourself only holding hands, not sure if you can touch them more. As his car quietly hummed along the isolated roads, driving back towards the city, Sunghoon was the first to move his hand, finding its way to your thigh, he gently squeezing it.

Everything felt like it was falling back into place, like everything was finding where it belonged. Here you belonged in Sunghoon’s passenger seat, controlling the radio, as he sat driving with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh. The silence was comfortable, the late night driving reminded you of the nights so many years ago, but this time it was better, your mind was not full of all of those childish little fears that your teenage brain once held, now your mind was only full of love for the man sitting on your side, the man you wanted nothing more than build a future with. The man that you genuinely felt was your endgame.

Sunghoon drove until he ended up at his apartment, seeing how it was closer than your house was. Sitting in the car, the two of you watched the rain pour down for a few minutes, waiting for it to slow, yet, as it continued to only rain harder and harder, you decided it would be best to get inside his apartment before it gets worse. Sunghoon was quick to exit the drivers side, running over to attempt to block some of the rain off of you, however as it was nothing more than a downpour, it helped none, the two of you were immediately soaked with water. "I'm going to carry you, okay?" Sunghoon quickly said, before scooping you up, starting to run towards his apartment building, a smile upon both of your faces, as you clung to his neck, as he held you close to his chest.

Finally entering the building, he sat you down, allowing you to walk with him to his apartment. "You're soaking wet." He said, watching as the water pooled at your feet as you walked, leaving a path through the hallway.

“You’re one to talk,” You retorted back, seeing how he was covered in just as much water as you. The comment, causing the two of you to start laughing once more, luckily you were nearing his apartment door, and not going to be a disruption to his neighbors for much longer. Entering his apartment, it was oddly something that screamed, him. It was clean and organized, it looked sleek and modern, and it just screamed Sunghoon, the only thing out of place being the pictures you could clearly see setting on the table, drawings that Sohee had given him.

Despite wanting to look around his apartment a bit more, he was quick to point out the big problem of the moment. “You’re shivering, go shower and I’ll get you some dry clothing, I don’t want you to get sick,” Sunghoon said, feeling him gently kiss your forehead, before pointing you in the direction of his bathroom. You wanted to point out he was wet from the rain as well, yet he gave you no time, instead just pointing you off into the direction of the bathroom and walking off. You were quick to go into the bathroom, getting ready to shower as Sunghoon knocked on the door, letting you know he left a bag of clothing outside the door. As you showered, you heard a faint voice, it sounded like Sunghoon was on the phone with someone, yet you paid it no mind as you tried to warm up.

Exiting the bathroom, wearing the sweats and sweater that Sunghoon had given you, you found him dressed in dry clothing, while trying to dry his hair with a towel. “You need to take a shower too, go, go.” You told him, starting to push him like he had you. He attempted to fight it, before finally giving in, going to shower with warm water, to satiate you. As he was showering, you found your phone, seeing a message from Karina. Opening it with haste, you expected the worst, but instead you saw a message that brought a laugh to your chest. The message from Karina read ‘Sunghoon said you are staying at his house tonight due to the weather, you better not create another Sohee, Sakura and I are not ready to be the aunts of two’. Being distracted by your phone, you almost did not notice Sunghoon leaving the bathroom, he looked a lot warmer than he did moments ago, and his hair fully dried.

“You're shivering... Do you want another one of my sweaters?” Sunghoon was quick to ask, seeing how you were still slightly shivering in the cold air of his apartment. You had not even noticed you were shivering, but he was already at the thermostat while grabbing you a blanket. Once he found his way to the sofa, sitting besides you, his hands found their way to your waist, pulling you onto his lap, before laying the blanket over both of you. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you found yourself thinking of how much you loved this. You loved being in his arms, you loved being with him, you loved him in all his being, and you planned to never let him go again.

Sunghoon had turned on some mediocre romance movie on his television, the two of you sitting in the dark living room as the D-list actors did their best to give the crappy script some emotion, yet even the low budget stupid romance movie could not keep your focus. Instead of staring at the television screen, you found yourself staring at an even better view. Your eyes were locked on his face, watching him as he watched the movie, or at least he attempted to watch the movie. Not even ten minutes into the movie, he had enough of your staring, deciding to do some staring of his own, which quickly turned into something more. As your lips moved against his, you felt his arms tightening around your waist, pulling you even closer, as if it was possible to eliminate any more of the gap between the two of you. The movie was soon long forgotten as the two of you continued, the only thing on your minds being one another. The night drew on, all emotions between the two of you escalating, each touch of your lips becoming more and more messy, the kisses becoming sloppy and impatient. Neither of you were able to have enough of the other, it was in this moment that you realized how Sohee came to be so quickly in your relationship. As you separated, Sunghoon’s lips were quickly to find purchase on the side of your neck, finding a spot that he was oh so familiar with, finding it with ease. The feeling of his lips on your neck let you know that by the time morning came it would be marred purple and black. Yet, you could not find it in yourself to care, you would allow him to do it again and again, just to feel his lips against your skin one more time.

The feverish makeout session continued for the two of you, the movie and thunderstorm roaring outside becoming nothing more than the soundtrack of your night. Unable to keep their hands off one another, they find their way into each other’s hair, on their necks, gripping their collars, gripping the backs of their shirts, and around one another’s waist. The wanton kisses continued until the events of the night hit you both, kisses fading from hungry and full of desire, to languid and tired. Lips gently moving against one another’s, neither wanting to be the first to pull away, neither wanting to be the first to admit the fatigue was taking over their body, neither wanting to be the one to end this euphoric moment. Yet, Sunghoon finally found himself pulling away, the two of you resting against each other’s forehead for a moment. That moment however left quickly, your head finding itself against his shoulder, as Sunghoon’s cheek found itself leaning against your head. The two of you find comfort in each other’s arms, falling asleep with ease while laying across his sofa.

Awaking in the morning, you found yourself resting on Sunghoon’s chest, his arms around you, nothing filling the air except for the consistent sound of his breathing. It was a moment you decided you wanted to experience for the rest of your life, not sleeping uncomfortably on his sofa, but waking up in his arms, hands intertwined even as you slept, unable to get enough of one another even when in an unconscious state. A smile graced your face as Sunghoon woke up, being quick to press a kiss to your lips, before muttering a stereotypical, “Good morning’. The morning was good, all because you had woken up next to him, it was a wonderful morning all thanks to him.

These thoughts however were quickly ended, you sitting up sharply remembering you were not at your house, you were at Sunghoon’s apartment, and you had stayed the night due to the bad weather. Sunghoon also got up with haste, knowing exactly what was going on in your mind, grabbing your hand, he was quick to speak as you tried to find your way to the door. “Calm down, just take a breath,” He started, his hand starting to stroke your hair, “We’ll get you home and to Sohee in a minute, but first calm down. We’ll get you home, you can go change, and then we’ll take Sohee out to breakfast and to the park, okay?”

Listening to him came automatically, a nod of your head and a deep breath later, you were sitting at the counter of his kitchen as he was getting changed. Before long, you were on the road, listening to Sunghoon talk about how his plans for the night before had been ruined, stargazing could not happen when it was pouring down rain; yet, you found yourself happy his original plans had been ruined, since how the night went was better than you could have imagined or even planned. The silence in the car was comfortable as the buildings passed by on the way to your house, the car turned into a familiar road, before long finding its way to your house.

Exiting the vehicle you were soon in your living room, seeing Karina and Sakura had already gotten Sohee up, and the small child was playing. She quickly found her way towards you, only to change the direction her little legs were taking her to someone behind you. A gasp left your lips as you watched Sohee run into Sunghoon’s arms instead of your own, the shocked look quickly turning into a smile, seeing the soft interaction between your two favorite people. Sohee giggled as Sunghoon picked her up, carrying and bouncing the small child around, listening as she babbled on and on about her night with Aunty Rina and Aunty Kura.

Leaving the two of them in the living room, you made your way upstairs, Sakura and Karina were quick to follow. The door of your bedroom had not even closed as Sakura started, “Tell us everything,” She said, sitting on your bed, Karina following suit, nodding as she also sat on the bed, wanting to know each and every little detail.

“I can tell from the shade of your neck that someone interesting, or perhaps should I say fun, happened,” Karina was quick to chime in, obviously not missing the purple and black shaded spots covering the side of your neck. Seeing the marks, she could only hope that things had not went as far as they could have, she was serious when she said she could not handle being the aunt of two, Sohee was already a handful, imagine having another one, it would probably be even more feral and crazy than the sweet and energetic first born was.

Reaching up, you moved the collar of the sweater attempting to cover the marks for a moment, a blush coming to your cheeks as the girls just laughed at you. As the girls sat ready to hear all the little details, you started talking as you quickly changed your clothing, telling them everything they wanted to know, but maybe leaving out some parts, like the two of you making out in the cherry blossoms, and then again in the rain, and then again on Sunghoon’s couch. Nothing was heard other than cute noises from the two, they were in awe of your cute little relationship, how easily the two of you fell back into your routine, how easily the two of you fell back in love. As you started to do your hair, covering the spots on your neck, their words hit you, and you found yourself in awe of it as well, how quickly the two of you fell back in love, it was like you were never apart, it was like those three years never happened. The gossip session with the girls ended as you were done getting ready, the three of you making your way downstairs, Sakura and Karina leaving for their apartments, while Sunghoon started to prepare the smaller of his two favorite girls to leave.

Once you had bid Sakura and Karina goodbye, you found yourself focusing on Sunghoon again, he sat on the floor helping Sohee put her shoes on, as she claimed she needed help to do so, feigning an inability to do it herself. It was a lovely scene, seeing as she had Sunghoon wrapped around her little fingers, just as she had you. The scene was a domestic one that you honestly would not have a single problem seeing for the rest of your life, it was cute to watch as Sohee explained to the tall male which shoe went on which foot, and how to put her shoes on for her. A smile came to your face, watching as Sunghoon simply nodded, doing as Sohee told him. The toddler was quick to start talking his ear off, as she explained her little rainboots, why they were her favorite shoes, and why she picked that color. The smile on your face however was soon to fade. Sunghoon finished putting Sohee’s shoes on, and Sohee was quick to jump up, wrapping her arms around Sunghoon’s neck in a hug. “Thank you daddy,” Sohee quickly yelled, before letting Sunghoon go, the child running off to go play with her toys.

In that moment, you knew each time Sakura, Karina, and yourself discussed things going on, she was listening. She had heard how many times they mentioned how her father was Sunghoon. She had heard it all, and she even went as far as to call him it. Sunghoon was quick to look up at you, the smile on your face dropping as he had a look similar to a deer caught in the headlights. Standing up, he was shifty, seeing the look on his face made your heart sink. The look on his face let you know what he was looking for, an escape route.

“I’m so sorry, I just remembered, I have something to do, I have to go, sorry.” Sunghoon stuttered out, his words jumbling, as he quickly made his exit. Not even a minute within Sohee dropping the word, he was gone, his vehicle starting the drive was audible, and he was gone.

Staring at the door he had just left out of, you were unable to stop yourself from letting some tears fall. The silent tears burned a path down your face, the only thing in your mind at that moment being that he hurt you, just as you hurt him all those years ago. Despite the desire to run back upstairs to your bed, collapsing into the soft fabric, letting the silk pillowcase catch all your tears, instead you had to be strong. Standing there, you let the tears fall for a moment, before wiping your tears, knowing you had more important things to do than cry for Park Sunghoon. You thought that maybe he was ready to be a permanent fixture in both your life and Sohee’s, but it seems you were wrong, he was temporary, and you were stupid for even thinking that he would want to be permanent.

“Sohee, park?” You finally found your voice, it breaking slightly, but it was the best you could do in that moment. Walking into the living room, Sohee was quick to jump up, looking around for Sunghoon, who was not there. “He had to leave. But let’s go to the park? Okay?” You were quick to tell her, picking her up as she nodded, ready to go. Leaving the house, you found yourself thinking about how this is better, no one to worry about except yourself and Sohee. This is what your life has been the last three years, and what it should be. No longer would you allow your brain to fill with foolish thoughts of being a happy little family, since obviously Sunghoon was not ready for that, he running off and running away from the two of you.

Before you knew it, Sohee was running amok, jumping from puddle to puddle, enjoying the rainfall from the night prior. Once you arrived at the park you had started to text Karina and Sakura, letting them know what was going on. They were quick to respond with disappointment, the whole situation was something they did not expect either, they thought that he was ready for everything, but it seems not. As you texted them, watching Sohee, your phone buzzed twice in quick succession, indicating you had new messages. The messages were quick to pop up, one from Jay while another was from Sunoo, reading Jay’s a smile briefly came to your face, ‘Park Sunghoon is a dumbass, don’t give up hope’. From that message alone, you knew that Sunghoon had done the same thing you had, immediately run to your friends group chat and tell them everything. Sunoo’s messages were a lot more humorous than Jay’s, “Sunghoon is a fucking idiot’, ‘do I need to beat him up’, ‘I will’, ‘I don’t think I’ll win’, ‘but I’d do it for Sohee’, ‘I think he needs his ass beat’. After reading Sunoo’s sixth message, you just silence your phone, placing it in your pocket, any messages you receive going unannounced, as you focused on your daughter and your daughter only.

The fantasies that plagued your mind, the ideas of Sohee having both parents by her side, the thoughts of Sunghoon finally taking his role as her father, crumbled all around you. No longer were you hopeful for the future to come with him, no longer were you envisioning the days of being a happy family, no longer were the ideas of actually having it all in your mind. Maybe this was best for everyone, better for yourself and Sohee in the long run. Sunghoon running away before he was fully integrated into Sohee’s life was the best, since it meant less pain for her, less pain for yourself. You would not have to explain to an elementary student why her father left her, since he left before she was fully acclimated to him.

Staring at Sohee, you allowed her to play as long as she wanted, deciding it would be better to keep her distracted like this, rather than have her question what happened with Sunghoon. Unlike usual, Sohee tired a lot quicker than she usually did, only spending roughly an hour at the park. The child could usually spend three or four hours running around and playing, and then still not be tired when you announce it is time to leave. Yet, she wanted to leave only an hour after arriving, which you obliged.

Taking your child, you found yourself in front of your house before long, four cars parked in front of your house, letting you know that your friends were there. Entering the house, you were quick to put Sohee down, she wanted nothing more than to nap. Once she was sleeping, the living room was where you found yourself, Sakura, Karina, Sunoo, and Jungwon waiting for you since they got your text almost thirty minutes before you arrived home. They were quick to rush over, knowing the last thing you needed was to be alone again. Sakura and Sunoo were fast with wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you down onto the sofa between them, letting you rest your head on their shoulders.

“Sunghoon is a complete fucking dumbass,” Karina started, the rage in the eyes barely being contained by Jungwon, as he pulled her arm to make her sit down. “He better be lucky I don’t know where he lives, or oh, I’d fuck him up.” She rambled on, seeming even more mad about the situation that you were in, than you were.

Jungwon was hasty in reaching up, grabbing Karina’s hand again, pulling her back down, as she jumped up in anger from the seat next to him. “Usually I would try to see it from the other side, but honestly, both sides of this just make him an asshole. Like he’s spent months getting to know Sohee, claiming he wants to be her father, but then runs away the moment she calls him dad. Like there is no way to see this from his point of view that doesn’t make him seem like a horrible person. Either he did not really think of the commitment that it would mean, and freaked out when she said it, since it hit him. Or he never planned to stay, and her calling him that freaked him out.” Jungwon said he was known for being the level headed one of your friend group, but even he knew there was no level headed way to think of this situation.

“I still think you should let me fight him,” Sunoo cut in, being met by a quick shake of heads from everyone else. Even Karina, who wanted to fight Sunghoon, was shaking her head. “Yeah, yeah, shake your heads, I know I wouldn’t win either, but I could probably at least like, bite him, do some damage.” He said, seeing the chorus of heads shaking, being quick to sigh, before focusing on rubbing your shoulders once more.

Sakura’s hand moved from your shoulder to your hair, softly petting it, as you laid your head on his shoulder. “I say fuck him. Sohee was fine being raised without him, and she doesn’t need him now. She has two amazing aunts and two wonderful uncles, she has no need for a Sunghoon in her life when she has all of us instead, we would never leave or run away from her, we actually love her, unlike someone.” Sakura started to ramble, her words coming out hastily, like she was going to lose her train of thought.

Hearing their words, you nodded your head, with a sigh, the memories of last night came to mind. “I just, I thought everything was going perfect. I mean last night it was like we were in a dream, he took me to see the cherry blossoms and we had a romantic picnic. We were so perfect, I thought he was ready to be in my life, to be her life. But, he just ran, he just left without a second thought.” You said, starting to cry as you spoke, tears filling your eyes as you recall the perfect night that turned into a nightmare day. “I just thought, I just, just for once I thought I could have it all. I thought I could be happy.”

Sunoo was quick to lift a hand, wiping your tears, as Sakura started to rub your back, Karina was grabbing tissues for you, while Jungwon watched the scene, his anger towards Sunghoon tripling in that moment. “Sometimes you have to make your own happiness, and you can be happy with us. I know we aren’t him, but we’ll help and support you in any way you need, prove to yourself that you don’t need him.” Jungwon said, trying to make you feel better, but it only made you cry more.

“You wasted months proving yourself to him, just for him to do what?” Karina started to yell, jumping out, dodging Jungwon’s hand for once. “To run out like a little bitch the moment he realized how serious things were getting.” Karina was more angered at the situation than anyone was, knowing your past with him, it made sense, only she knew what you had gone through with him. “He wanted so badly to be in your life, just to run away. Leave you to have to explain to Sohee why her dad doesn’t love her, why he disappeared on her and never came back, why she doesn’t have a family like everyone else because he’s too much of a little bitch to be the father he should be. You opened yourself up to him once more, allowed him into Sohee’s life and your own, just for him to do this, I just, I can’t.” Karina ranted, excusing herself to go stand outside to attempt to calm her nerves.

With a sigh, you watched Jungwon follow her out, wanting to keep her from doing anything she would regret. You however had no time to focus on that, as Sunoo started to talk once more. “I just don’t understand, in our group chat, he talks highly of Sohee, of fully being her father, but I guess he just liked the title more than actually being it.” He said, being met with a noise of approval from Sakura. “He’ll probably realized he fucked up and come running back to you, but I wouldn’t take him back. Make him beg for it. Make him earn your trust. He made you earn his trust back before he was willing to show you affection, make him earn your trust before he can see Sohee. Walk him like a dog, girl.” Sunoo said, any alliance to his friend Sunghoon was gone, instead he only held alliance to you.

Sakura was quick to agree, noises of agreement slipping past her lips, before she started talking. “I just can’t believe he would do this to you, I thought we were making progress, I thought things were changing for the better, I thought things would finally be better for you.” She said, her hand continuing to stroke your hair, providing some comfort in this situation.

It was not long before Jungwon and Karina rejoined the three of you, her anger mostly subsiding, and the five of you instead focusing on other topics than Sunghoon. The four of them decided to stay the night, turning the comfort session into a sleepover, much to Sohee’s joy. She was enjoying the night with her favorite aunties and uncles, the thoughts of what happened previously that day slipping from her mind, as they indulged her in all her favorite movies and foods. Allowing for a day to get their minds off of what was happening around them, allowing them to only have fun, despite the crazy world and things going on outside their door.

It had been just over a week since that day, since the day Sunghoon ran, leaving you alone in the house with a daughter who had just called him dad for the first time. When your phone rang, you thought you were being scammed as the unknown caller popped up on the phone, deciding it was better to not answer the call, assuming it was probably someone calling to let you know your car’s warranty was set to expire soon. Yet, the number called back once it went to voicemail, causing you to ignore it once more. Whoever it was, however did not give up, after that call went to voicemail, they sent you a message. It was only then that you read what it said, ‘hey it’s Jake, I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but can we meet up’. On the list of people you thought would be behind the unknown caller, some random telemarketer or an automated voice caller, Jake was not even considered to be on that list, especially after how he yelled at you during your last time together.

For some reason, you found yourself agreeing to meet up with him, sitting at the table alone, you waited for him. Jay sat only a few tables down, playing with Sohee, luckily he had gone on his break and did not mind keeping the little girl company as you spoke to Jake. Jay himself was confused when you told him Jake reached out, after everything had gone down, Jake still had not opened up to the idea of being around you or speaking to you. Even now months later, Jay and Sunoo were the only ones of their friend group you spoke to; Heeseung was just never really a friend of yours, meanwhile Jake still seemed to harbor a hatred towards you.

Watching as Jay and Sohee talked, listening to her ramble, you made a mental note to invite Jay the next time all your friends go out. Jay and your conversations had mostly been restricted to text only, yet you had grown close enough, to the point that you trusted him to watch Sohee, so he would be a welcome addition the next time you all go out, that is if he is not working. Watching the two of them only lasted for a few minutes, as you heard the chair around you scrape against the floor as it was pulled from the table, Jake taking a seat. He sat there silently, almost mimicking your own silence. Neither of you wanted to be the one to break the silence, neither of you wanted to be the one to speak first.

"I think I owe you an apology." Jake said quickly, being the first person to break the ice. You could tell that thought was on his mind, even if Jay was not sitting only ten feet away, staring daggers into the floppy haired man’s back. Jake genuinely was, after learning everything, he felt like shit for everything he said to you in anger. He just could never put his feelings into words, like how does one say sorry I was a dumbass without sounding like a dumbass.

Hearing the words slip from his mouth, all you could do was shake your head at the useless apology. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." You simply told him, “You said what you said, and I know you were only wanting to protect your best friend.” You continued. “I mean, I had hurt him once, you just didn’t want him to be hurt again. I’d do the same for my friends.”

Jake silently nodded, not really knowing how he planned this meeting to go, he was really sorry, but he was unsure of how to get you to believe it. “I shouldn’t have spoken on something I didn’t know, but I did, and now you are the one hurt.” He said, regretting his choice of words, as you obviously had a negative reaction to his words. “I just, Sunghoon’s a complete and total idiot, and I know you won’t believe me, but I really think what he did was wrong.” He tried to explain. “Sunghoon immediately freaked out in our group chat, and I know he’s going through it, but I can only imagine you are going through it worse, and even though I have no part in this I’m sorry, and I just, I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry and that Sunghoon’s just an idiot, don’t hate him for this.” Jake said, his words turning into a long ramble of words.

With a sharp breath from your nose, you thought about what he said. “This would mean a whole lot more coming from him, not you. That’s like me apologizing for Yuna breaking your heart back in high school. It is not your place to apologize, you're not the one that ran out in terror after having the child you’ve been bonding with for months call you dad. You're not the one who ignored all my texts and calls wondering what was going on, since you ran out so abruptly I thought maybe something had happened. You’re not the one who broke my heart, or it at least seems like it.” Hearing your words, you see Jake give you an odd look, looking almost like a confused puppy. “I’m not sure whether he broke my heart, or if he helped me dodge a bullet, since I’d rather him run away before Sohee gets too used to him being in her life, than him run once she gets comfortable with him being her dad.”

Jake was quick to shake his head, hearing each word from your mouth broke his heart a little more each time. He had no children, and hoped to keep it that way at the time being, but hearing how you spoke so lowly of Sunghoon hurt, yet he can understand where you are coming from with your ideas. “You aren’t dodging a bullet. There is no bullet to dodge. Instead, you have an idiot that is uncontrollably and irrevocably in love with you, his heart belongs to no one except you, and it can never belong to another. He’s an idiot that is so in love with you, he loves his daughter so much, but he got overwhelmed, and he overreacted.” Jake pauses, unsure of what to say next, before deciding upon one thing. “Just hear him out, I know you may feel hurt, you may feel like he did it on purpose, but just hear him out. He’s just a giant idiot who got overwhelmed, just hear him out before you decide to cut him out of your life.”

Hearing Jake’s plea, you simply nodded, deciding this had gone on long enough, and you needed to get home. “We’ll see,” You simply said, standing up, staring towards the table Sohee and Jay sat at. “Thank you for watching her.” You told Jay as Sohee jumped up to come to you, running back to hug her new uncle Jay before the two of you left. Sohee had taken to Jay quickly, he was much calmer and more quiet than her other uncles Sunoo and Jungwon, and seeing how he had taken to her, you knew he would be included within your friend hangouts more often. Leaving the cafe, the only thing on your mind was whether to take Jake seriously, should you hear him out, should you give him once chance, give him one chance like he had given you.

At first you thought you were seeing things when you heard the knock at the door, and upon checking the doorbell camera, saw him standing there, shifting foot to foot, obviously feeling uncomfortable at this scene. However, this was a scene of his own being, he caused this himself, and therefore he needed to deal with it himself. The trip to the door was slow, luckily Sohee had just been put down for her afternoon nap, otherwise it would have been a much more awkward talk with him. She did not understand what was going on, why Sunghoon suddenly left, and why he had not been around the past week. He had become a common figure within your home, always visiting to see Sohee and yourself, so it was odd to have gone over a week without him gracing your house with his presence. But at this time, his presence would have not been welcome, nor would it have been a gift.

Finally opening the door, there he was, staring right back at you. Sunghoon was quick to step into the house, following you into the living room. The scene was a familiar one, except this time, he knew about Sohee and he also knew you had been back for a while. This time it was not about you keeping secrets from him, it was instead about himself, and the tone shift in the scene made that obvious, rather than anger filling the air, it was resentment. Sunghoon regretted how he acted, and you could tell that, yet, it was going to take more than just a simple apology to get you to forgive him in this circumstance.

“I’m sorry,” Sunghoon started, he planned to come in and apologize and open his heart up to you, but the words felt lost in his throat. His head was empty, finally seeing you made him forget everything he had previously rehearsed in the mirror. The grand apology and promises he planned to make never came out, instead he just trailed off, leaving you with complete silence.

Staring Sunghoon in the face, you found yourself unable to keep eye contact with him. He runs away when Sohee finally calls him dad, then he comes back just expecting you to forgive him and let him back into your life, back into Sohee’s life. “Oh, you’re sorry. Oh, that helps so much, a simple apology doesn’t do anything to help what you’ve done. You hurt me, worst of all, you hurt our daughter. You didn’t even think about your actions, you just ran, and what sat around until you decided you messed up, thinking you would come running back to me and I would accept you with open arms. You have another thing coming, it would be one thing if you hurt me, but you didn’t just hurt me.” You started to rant, the look on Sunghoon’s face contorting as you hit him where it hurts, but you did not stop there. “If you had only hurt me, I would have just accepted it as revenge for me doing the same thing all those years ago, when I left you when I found out I was pregnant. I would have just assumed you were a horrible person who wanted revenge on me in the same way I hurt you, and I would have gotten over it. You probably could have come and apologized, and I would have fallen right into your arms again, since I am so in love with you. But you didn’t just hurt me.”

Taking a breath, Sunghoon looked like he was going to start talking, but you quickly cut him off. “You hurt our daughter, no, you hurt my daughter, you hurt the only thing I have that keeps me going. I may have thought you were a horrible person, but no you’re evil and vindictive, the fact that you hurt her to hurt me, you hurt me through hurting her, only someone that is genuinely an evil person would do that to a three year old. If you decided you were not willing to be part of her life, to be part of this family, you should have left without a single word, instead you hurt my child.” You continued to yell at him, seeing the tears welling in his eyes did nothing to calm or stop your words. “Do you know how it feels to have a three year old ask you why her dad doesn’t love her? Do you know how it feels to have your own daughter ask you why her dad ran away and hasn’t come back? You don’t, because all you think about is yourself, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting others while you do that.” The adrenaline from the yelling was starting to wear off as you stopped screaming, your voice became soft, almost broken. “After all these years, after everything you’ve done, I still love you, but I don’t know if I can fully trust you again.”

Hearing your last sentence broke any resolve that Sunghoon had built up in his body, the words being the exact same words he had told you months ago. “Yell at me all you want. Hate me all you want. I know I deserve it. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Sohee.” He started, the tears silently starting to fall down his face. “I just, she called me dad and something in me just broke. The idea of commitment and forever and the future, it just paralyzed me. I know this isn’t an excuse, I don’t think I’d forgive myself for it either, and I wouldn’t judge you if you never forgive, but please, just hear me out. “ He started to plead, wanting nothing more than for you to hear him out, to let him get everything on his heart out into the open. “I deserve everything you said to be, each and every word of it. The idea of commitment scared me, the thought of having a child that would rely on me, but after I ran, it hit me that you had to face that head on, you had to be the person that child would rely on since I wasn’t there. It finally hit me that, I’d rather be by your side, I would rather be someone for you and our child, not your child, our child to rely on. I won’t leave your side. I’ll never stop proving to you that I love you, that I’ll never hurt you, again, that I’ll always be there for you.”

Sunghoon took a breath, a hand harshly wiping his face, before he started again, seeming like he was compiling his thoughts before continuing. “Just give me one chance, one chance to prove I won’t do anything like that ever again. One chance to prove I love you. One chance to prove I love Sohee. One chance to be the father she deserves. One chance to be the love of your life again. One chance to prove to you that I am serious about this, that I am serious about you.” He said, stepping forward, he found himself taking your hands, immediately finding himself on his knees, in front of the seat you sat in, ready to beg you for another chance. “Please, just one chance, let me earn your trust, I’ll do whatever it takes, spend as long as it takes, just give me one chance to prove that your love is placed right with me, that I can be the man you need and the father our daughter deserves.” Sunghoon pleaded, staring up at you, just waiting for an answer.

It was hard to hide the look of confusion as Sunghoon got in front of you, literally on his knees begging. The Sunghoon you knew as a teenager would have never reduced himself to begging, let alone begging on his knees. This action alone, let you know that you were not talking to teenager Sunghoon, not even young adult Sunghoon, it was like he has aged years within a few days, like a new maturity had taken over his brain, taking hold and leaving him with this new rush of maturity and desire to do anything to please you and his daughter. Despite the desire to tell him to leave, to tell him to fuck off, and to laugh in face as he begged you for a chance, it honestly would have been hypocritical on your part. Not even six months ago, you were the one begging him for a chance, and now here he was being the one begging. “One chance. You have one chance, and if you screw it up, you will never be in either Sohee’s life or my own, ever again.” You said to him, this was much more than just you hurting him and him hurting you, he had hurt your daughter, and it was not for the part of your brain that wanted the two of you to work things out, you would have not forgiven him. “Get up, you look like an idiot on the floor,” you muttered, wrenching your hands from his, before standing up.

Sunghoon was quick to find his own way to his feet, just staring down at you, unable to stop the smile from crossing his features. “That’s all I need. I will make sure to earn your trust back.” He said, the resolve was regrowing within his being, and he planned to make sure he was never the reason behind your tears again, only wanting to bring you and his daughter joy.

Seeing Sunghoon run around the park, chasing after the rambunctious three year old, it felt like repeating history. This scene was one you had seen before, before you had convinced him with your one chance that you really did love him, that you would not leave him, and that you were serious about him. This time however, the roles were reversed, he tried his best to convince you that he loved you and Sohee, that he would not leave you and Sohee, and that he was serious about being with you and around Sohee. He seemed to be taking what you told him to heart, everything about how he would never see you or Sohee again was nothing but talk, you did not have the heart to separate that man from her, especially if he truly wanted to see her. You were just as lovesick as he was, the only difference being you had another person to prioritize, putting what was best for Sohee before what was best for yourself. Honestly, you felt like this was what was best for her, being around her father, her father being in her life, Sunghoon and yourself being a happy couple she could proudly call her parents.

A laugh slipped from your lips as Sunghoon fell while chasing the toddler, he tripped over something, dramatically crying out as Sohee jumped on top of him. The two were playing like nothing happened the weeks prior, like Sunghoon had not iced you out for over a week, like Sunghoon had not run off the moment Sohee called him what he was to her, like none of it had happened. You wish you could forget things as easily as she did. Someone might do her wrong, she pouts for a day or so, then it is like nothing ever happened. You were unsure whether she was just forgetting, or maybe if she was forgiving, but either way you wished your heart was as simple to work as hers was. Maybe then your brain would not keep sending you various thoughts of him doing it again, of him working his way into your lives just to ditch you once more. You would rather lose him before he found his way into every aspect of your life, than to start the whole coparenting thing, just for him to decide he did not really want this at all.

It has officially been a month since Sunghoon’s fear took him over and he ran out. During the past three weeks, he has tried his best to prove to you that he is serious. Yet, despite his actions, part of you still fears him doing it again. You hurt him so badly when you left, you ruined his career without even knowing it, so part of your brain thinks he will want revenge, he will want to hurt you worse than you did him. Even after all these months, the fear still courses through your veins, the idea of how easily he could destroy you if he so desired. During this time of rebuilding, Sunghoon had done nothing to show he would, there was no hesitation or second thoughts, but that did not prevent the thoughts from clouding your mind, how easily he could leave once more. How easily he could destroy the little bit of happiness you had built up. How easily he could hurt you in the worst way, through hurting little Sohee.

Sohee seemed to have none of these fears, instead happily playing with Sunghoon as though nothing had happened. Even the other mothers at the park had taken notice of the extremely attractive man playing with his daughter. Throughout the day, you spent your time passively agreeing and listening to the mothers speak. Some commenting how his little girl looks just like him, a resemblance that even you could only just agree about. Others commented on how happily he seemed to be playing with his little girl, adding snarky remarks about how their own husbands would rather play video games than with their children. The last most common remark of all, was how he seemed to be such a great dad, how he had a great relationship with his daughter, and how they wish their husband was like that. Those comments hurt the most, not because people thought you were married to him, but because that relationship was hanging in the balance, just stuck on a frayed thread, easily able to be cut down. He might play the role of model father in this moment, but only one more mistake on his part, and there would no longer be a father in Sohee’s life, he would no longer be a fixture in his daughter’s life, and you would feel no remorse removing him from your own life.

It was not long before you heard the sound of a squeal, Sohee running straight towards you as she always did when she was ready to leave the park. At some point you could only guess she had talked Sunghoon into chasing her, since as you looked up the lanky figure was trying his best to get up from the slide, the one Sohee had probably run from moments prior. Sohee was quick to climb into your lap, her little arms wrapping around your neck the best they could, as she hugged you, the two of you watching as Sunghoon finally made his way over from the jungle gym to where you sat. “Ice cream please?” Sohee’s voice was quick to ask, once Sunghoon was within earshot of where you two sat. The pouting look on Sohee’s face let you know she was going to get it even if you told her no. One thing you learned quickly was that Sunghoon had no resolve when it came to telling her no. All Sohee would do is look at him with her wide eyes and her pouty lips, and he would fold faster than a folding chair.

“After you eat lunch, okay honey.” Sunghoon was quick to reply, as he finally made his way to the bench you were sitting on, having had to walk halfway across the park from where Sohee had run away from him.

Looking up at his words, it was odd, he usually was the first to say yes and of course, so his reply took you by surprise. Nodding your head, you were quick to agree with his words, as Sohee looked up at you, wanting a different answer. “After lunch.” You confirmed, watching as Sunghoon picked up the pouting toddler, before extending his own hand towards you. Taking it, he helped you to your feet. Despite all the thoughts running through your mind, as your fingers intertwined with his, you felt like it was where you belonged, where you should be, and where you should stay.

Your hands were quick to start hanging between the two of you, Sunghoon simply tugging on yours to pull you closer, before his hand found its way around your waist. It was moments like this that made you want to forget it all, forget how he ran out on you and on Sohee, forget how he got overwhelmed and freaked out the moment Sohee had called him dad. The sweet moments like walking through the park, Sohee on Sunghoon’s hip, and his arm around your waist almost made it worth risking, risking it all, just to keep this happiness and joy within your soul permanently.

Venturing into the fairgrounds, it was like deja vu. Six years ago, Sunghoon and yourself were sent to the same fair to get closer. Now you were together, you had a three year old, you were in college, and so many other things. It seemed like a full circle moment to be honest. Things between the two of you started at a fair, and with how things were going, you felt things as a family were to start at this fair as well. Sunghoon had worked for months to make sure you felt he was not going to leave, doing anything and everything for Sohee and yourself. Honestly, you felt like you would have immediately given in and fully taken him back months ago, but for the sake of Sohee, you held out.

The scene was reminiscent of that day all those years ago. Sunghoon clutched onto your hand as he dragged you around the carnival, one hand in yours, while the other hand carried your daughter. Hearing the excited chatter between the two of them, you were unsure whether it was Sohee or Sunghoon that seemed more excited about the plethora of rides and games abound. Sohee was happily telling Sunghoon all about the pretty horses she could see on the carousel, he interestedly listening and responding, as she explained to him which color of horse she wanted to ride, even going as far as to rank the horses on their colors. Due to her excitement, you could tell that was directly where he was leading the two of you too.

Luckily Sunghoon had the premonition to come to the carnival early, meaning there were few people around, allowing there to be no wait time for many of the rides. As the two of them joined the short line that waited for the ride to finish, you took a seat on a nearby bench. Quickly your phone was pulled out, you taking a few photos of the two of them waiting in line. Sohee was talking animatedly, pointing to the horses as she spoke, while Sunghoon gazed down at her, hanging onto each and every word he said. The look he stared at her with was one you recognized, it was one that he looked at you with, looking down at you as though you were his whole world. Which, honestly, to him Sohee and yourself were his whole entire world. Despite the tumultuous relationship the two of you had, he was unsure of what he would do with himself if he woke up one day and you were gone. He was unable to move on after your short lived high school relationship, and he was sure as hell that he would never move on if anything happened to Sohee or you.

The photo was quickly sent to your group chat, your friends immediately fawning over the sweet photo of Sohee and her father. As they sent various texts, you noticed that the line had started to move, as Sunghoon climbed onto the ride, quickly going to the horse that Sohee had expressed the most interest in being on. Photos were taken as he stood by her, holding her as she sat on the horse, the child ecstatic about where she was, what she was doing, and who she was with. Sending the photos, you even quickly took a small video, Sohee clapping in excitement as the ride started to go around. The group chat was reacting as you expected, the common messages calling their niece adorable, saying send more photos and all. As you went to turn your phone off for the moment, one message caught your attention, it was from a newly added member to the Sohee’s Aunties and Uncles group chat, Jake. Softly laughing as you read his message, ‘if he ever leaves you and Sohee again I’m gonna fuck him up’, before he quickly sent another, ‘i would commit arson to see that smile’, ‘she’s too precious’, closing your phone for the moment, you ignored the plethora of messages, probably trying to talk Jake out of commiting arson.

Standing up as you heard the ride come to a stop, you found yourself waiting for the two as Sunghoon exited the ride, Sohee upon his hip once more. Listening as Sohee excitedly chatter about the ride, how much fun it was, how much she loves the carnival, and how much she loves the horses, the three of you found yourself just walking around the carnival grounds. Walking around, trying to find more of the child safe rides for little Sohee, you found yourself in front of the inflatables, which Sunghoon quickly agreed to accompany Sohee on. Despite how much you loved her and would give her everything she wanted, Sunghoon was even worse. He may have not officially been her father for very long, but you could tell she was soon going to turn into a daddy’s girl, since he would do anything to make her happy. Watching as his lanky figure crawled into the inflatable obstacle course, you brought your phone out, filming as he followed Sohee through, helping her in the parts she needed assistance in, while just following her throughout the rest.

As Sohee bounced around the bounce house at the end, Sunghoon stood outside of the inflatable house, attempting to catch his breath after having chased Sohee around for about ten minutes. Sending the video to your friends, it did not take long for you to hear a voice, an elderly female carnival worker, sitting at one of the information booths nearby. “What a cute couple,” She started, before seeing the little long haired girl climbing out of the bounce house, hastily running up to Sunghoon for him to pick her up. “And what an adorable little girl.” She added. This gave you an odd sense of deja vu, reminding you of the first moment Sunghoon and yourself had been referenced as a couple, at the carnival all those years ago. Yet at that time, you were not one, nodding your head at her compliment, you went to join the two of them, knowing that this time you were, you happily were.

Leaving the inflatables, you were in front of a food stand before you knew it. Sohee tugged at your sleeve before tugging at Sunghoon’s hand, the small child begging for cotton candy, to your surprise, you listened when Sunghoon told her she needed to eat real food before candy. The three of you soon sat at a table, Sohee sitting in Sunghoon’s lap, as you sat across from them. Food from one of the food stands on the table in front of you, the three of you enjoying the food, before Sohee got the one item that she said would change her life, the large cotton candy stick with a bulb of candy bigger than her head.

Watching as Sunghoon assisted her in eating it, you were unable to stop the feeling of warmth that was taking over, radiating out from your heart into your limbs. The warmth taking over your being, the joy from seeing the two of them, just made you feel so happy. Only a year ago you would have gone at everything alone, knowing that one parent was all Sohee would ever have. But the time changes so fast, everything can change in a blink of an eye, and before you knew it, you were back home and no longer going at it alone. Sohee was finally getting the happy family she deserved all these years, with a caring set of parents. Despite your initial reservations about fully introducing Sunghoon as her dad, he was quick to prove that your trust in him was well founded, and that he was going to be there not only for her, but also for you. It was a lovely feeling, the joy of being a full proper little family. Yet, the only downside was the feeling in your heart that you robbed Sohee of this for three years, all those years you spent abroad, thinking it was for the best, but now knowing it was not.

Sunghoon had just barely cleared the table and cleaned Sohee’s face of the sugary treat, when she was bouncing around once more, tugging at his sleeve, expressing her desire to go on other rides. This was how you found yourself sitting in the carriage of the ferris wheel, Sohee sitting in between yourself and Sunghoon, watching as the ride went higher and higher up into the air. The view was stunning, the only thing you wished was that it was night instead of early afternoon, that way it would be even more gorgeous. Staring out at the skyline, Sohee was enamored, watching as everything got bigger, then smaller, then soon you were on the ground once more. Hand intertwined with Sunghoon’s, as he picked her up, his hand pulled you close, before moving from your own hand, to wrap around your waist. “If the carnival is still in town next time we have a date night, I’m bringing you, so we can have that cute picturesque kiss atop the ferris wheel, while surrounded by the night lights.” Sunghoon softly whispered into your ear, before whisking you away to another game.

The scene was reminiscent of your first carnival with him all those years ago, except instead of you having your sights set on a specific stuffed animal, instead Sohee had decided her grey bunny needed a friend, specifically a light brown bunny hanging up at one of the stalls. Watching him as Sohee was on your hip as you held her, allowing her to watch Sunghoon’s attempts at winning her the toy. It felt like what the scene all those years ago must have felt like, he watched as you struggled to win, only to win it for you, the only difference this time being that he was winning it for your daughter, not for yourself. Sohee clapped as Sunghoon finally won, only taking five attempts before he did the unthinkable, actually winning at the somewhat rigged carnival game. A smile was automatically upon your face, as Sunghoon took Sohee from you with ease, giving her the item of her desire, watching the small child’s face lighten up, before clinging to her father’s neck in joy.

The day continued on until the early evening, once the salary men started to flood the carnival with their families and children, you decided it was best to end things then, rather than staying and possibly getting lost in the ever growing crowd. Starting to make your way out of the carnival grounds, your hand stayed clutched within his, as he carried Sohee. Sunghoon leads you through the crowds of people, making sure to ensure that the two of you never get separated at any point. Before long, the two of you were buckling Sohee into the car seat within Sunghoon’s car, he had bought one once he decided he was in it for life, once he decided the two of you were his forever, and he would never want that to change.

Before you knew it, Sunghoon was carrying a sleeping Sohee up to his apartment, making sure not to wake the sleeping child, before laying her onto his sofa and placing a blanket on her. Sitting in his lap, the two of you relaxed in the recliner, just watching your sweet little girl sleep. The two of you sat, silent, just completely enamored with the small child, knowing that no matter what might come, you had one another, you had each other, and that was all you needed. Soon, you felt his lips against yours, the kiss felt of nothing more than joy and love. As he pulled away attempting to kiss your forehead, you instead grabbed his face, moving it right back to where it was moments prior, kissing him this time.

Feeling your lips against his, Sunghoon could only feel the joy from the action, no matter how simple the motion may be, each time your lips met his it was like his heart was doing backflips, his soul was singing praises, and his brain was going into overdrive. “If you do that one more time I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” He muttered, once the two of you finally broke apart, earning a soft laugh from yourself, before you leaned up, reconnecting your lips to his once more.

As your lips met his, you smiled into the kiss, feeling his arms finally wrapping around your waist, trying to erase any space that there was between the two of you. This time you were the first to separate the kiss, moving away from him, smiling as he responded by pecking your nose before pecking your forehead, causing another laugh to slip from your lips. “I think we both know what happened last time you couldn’t control yourself.” You jokingly said to him, eliciting a laugh from him this time.

“Hey, maybe she’d like a sibling,” Sunghoon was quick to add, his eyes casting over to where Sohee laid, sleeping peacefully on the sofa of Sunghoon’s apartment. With a soft laugh, your lips found themselves pressed against his once more, the slower this time, sweeter, the love easily flowing through the contact of your lips. “I guess I’m finally out of the dog house?” He softly asked, enjoying the joy that came from laying together with you, like all was right in the world, which all was, since you were his world.

Sitting up, you gave him a look of thought, thinking about his words, deciding whether he had actually earned the right to unlimited access to yourself and Sohee once more. “Thin ice.” You said after a moment. “But, I don’t think it’s gonna break any time soon.” You told him, knowing that he may have not fully earned your trust back, but he was as close to having fully earned it back as one could be, and you knew that he would not stop. He was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you and your daughter, and you knew that he would not do anything to hurt you again.

Nodding his head, he simply pecked your forehead, pulling you against his chest once more. “I’ll take it.” He said, before kissing the top of your forehead. “And I’ll never stop proving it to you.”

Laying against his chest, you felt his arms wrapping around you, feeling safe within his arms, you felt safe with him owning your heart, since he had worked to prove to you that it was the right move. A move you knew that you would not come to regret in the upcoming years, finally giving sweet little Sohee the family she deserved, and yourself the love that you deserved.