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mncxbe · 1 month

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#Drafts

𝑨𝒌𝒊 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

ღೀ๋࣭ ⭑𝒄𝒘: reader feeds on Aki's blood, dry humping, sub Aki// just a little something I wrote cuz the idea of csm men x devil!reader is so yummy

ღೀ๋࣭ ⭑ ღೀ๋࣭ ⭑ ღೀ๋࣭ ⭑

The wooden floor creaked lightly as you tip-toed closer to Aki's bed, alerting him to your presence. "You came again" sighed Aki, looking over his shoulder to find you scooched down on the empty space left on the mattress. His eyes momentarily slid to the clock on the nightstand– 02:14. You really weren't wasting any time.

"Don't act surprised. It's pay day after all" you retorted in that sickly sweet voice of yours, causing the man to roll his eyes in annoyance. "I meant that I'm surprised you caught me at such a convenient time."

It was true, you always seemed to pick the most inopportune moments to feed on him– when he was at the bar with his colleagues or during missions, forcing him to abandon whatever he was doing and find a secluded alley or an empty bathroom stall so you could do your thing in peace. But that was part of your contract and there was nothing Aki could do about it: on the first day of the month you could feed on his blood whenever and wherever you pleased. Considering how powerful your abilities were, at first Aki thought it'd be a small price to pay for the contract, but now he was starting to regret this deal.

He was used to being around devils and fiends, but none of them have ever gotten this close and it was making him feel uncomfortable, strange and most of all– ashamed. Ashamed of how impatient he grows towards the end of each month, ashamed of how excited he is to see you every time, to feel your warm mouth on his skin, ashamed of just how much he enjoys the rush of having you feed on him and how utterly helpless he feels in those moments– like a fly in a spider's trap. He's always sworn he hated devils, so why were you so different? Why did you, a creature of sin and violence, occupy his mind like this– consuming his thoughts every day and night. Was he really that weak? Was he no different from the devils he hunted down, who couldn't control their own bodies and minds? Was it going to get better, would he get used to you or was he doomed to lived in conflict for the rest of his life, in a neverending loop of shame and guilt?

As if reading his thoughts you inched closer to him, your lips curling into a wicked smile. "What's the matter, Aki? Something bothering you?"

"N-no just... Power and Denji are in the next room. Can we just get this over with?" he sighed, hooking a finger under the collar of his t-shirt and tugging it lower, making some space for you.

The room seemed to shrink as you moved closer to him, shifting your legs on each side of his hips. Like a cat taunting its prey you ghosted your lips over the sensitive skin on his neck, making him shudder. "I don't like to be rushed, Aki. You should know by now that I like to enjoy my meals." you spoke in that velvety voice of yours and Aki's eyes fluttered shut. He was unconsciously gripping the sheets below him, his knuckles turning white from the strain– it was the waiting that sucked all the energy out of him, the knowing that soon enough your sharp canines would graze his skin, drawing blood and you'd press your palm on his chest to keep him from squirming.

Slowly but surely, your mouth moved to the nape of his neck and you bit down on his flesh, causing Aki to gasp. His back slightly arched off the mattress and you pressed yourself flush against his chest, keeping him grounded onto bed as you sucked on the little cuts. You swiped your tongue along the ridges of the wound, heat spreading through Aki's body and his toes curled, his chest heaving. The steady loss of blood combined with pent up frustrations and your closeness was enough to make his head spin and strangely enough, he felt so much more present. He was aware of your plush lips and warm tongue on his skin, of the weight of your body on his and the cushy mattress below, dipping down under the two of you. Aki felt like he was sinking. When you bit him again, only a few inches away from the initial wound his whole body jerked up, his thigh jamming between your legs, ripping a moan from you. "Sorry..." he sighed, gripping onto your hips to steady himself but you only bit down harsher. "Ah fuck–"

His head was spinning, mouth watering at the sensation. His dick was growing stiff in the confinement of his slacks and, as if sensing his need, you changed positions, resting your thigh between his legs. Despite his better judgement, Aki thrusted his hips, grinding his clothed erection on your thigh as he panted slowly.

"Enjoying yourself?" you taunted, removing your mouth from his wound and placing a few chaste kisses along his nape. Aki only nodded, his brows furrowing, mouth falling into a small o as he grabbed the back of your thigh, keeping you steady while he slowly rocked his hips. "Y-yea. Feels nice keep going"– his voice laced with urgency and you ran your tongue along his fresh wounds again. Aki felt his self restraint slipping away with each moment that passed– his body reacting to yours on its own. God, he was hopeless, weak and needy, so desperate for something more. Would you give him more if he asked? Would you indulge him, let him use your hand or maybe your mouth to please himself? Or maybe you'd do it yourself... Still, he couldn't and shouldn't, not even once because he knew he wouldn't be able to stop if he actually got what he wanted. So this would have to do.

Aki was too lost in his own thoughts to notice that you'd stopped biting him and returned to leaving wet, open mouth kisses on his neck. Yea... he knew you were enjoying seeing him like this– he could feel you smiling and giggling against his skin, impatiently shifting your hips as you tried to provide him with more friction. Tell me what you want me to do. What could he even say to that? No, he wouldn't allow himself to stoop so low as to let a devil touch him like that, no matter how much he wanted it. "Just keep doing that" he babbled out, bucking his hips into your thigh as he threw his head back in pleasure. If Denji or Power were to walk in the room they'd probably be mortified– the whole display was sinful, straight out of a romantic's painting– your mouth latched onto his throat, your back curved into a perfect arch, your bodies pressed together among blood-splattered sheets. And yet, he loved every second of it.

His breath grew shallow as he felt the coil in his abdomen tighten, ready to snap and he shuddered, his lips lightly parting. The moment your lips fell on his he came undone, riding out his high as he came in his pants. He gave into the kiss, allowing you to dip your tongue into his mouth. The sharp taste of iron filled his mouth– his blood, he was tasting his own blood from your mouth but couldn't care less. He only parted away from you when he grew breathless and his whole body melted into the mattress. The reality of the events that just took place sunk heavy in his mind– he just came in his pants while you fed on him. The familiar guilt settled into his being and he sighed heavily, trying to ignore the wet spot on his crotch. "You're done, right?" he asked in his usual stern voice. At least he had the ability to mask his nervousness.

"I think I should be asking you that" you chuckled, looking down at his body and he scoffed. You knew he was getting irritated by your presence and decided to call it a night– Aki wasn't like other men, he wasn't going to just give in. You knew you had to take it step by step, to ease him into becoming fully yours– mind, body and soul. But you'd get there in time. Pressing a quick kiss to his cuts you finally rolled off of him. "You should get that patched up. Wouldn't want you to bleed out so soon." Aki dismissed you with a quick nod, not even bothering to look at you as you disappeared into the shadows, leaving him alone in his bedroom. Despite his composed demeanor Aki's mind was still racing. He remained motionless, staring at the floor and counting the tiny cracks in the linoleum, counting the days until he'd see you again. He knew this was just the beginning, knew that with each meeting he'd need more and you'd give him more. You'd feed him little crumbs until he had the whole buffet and nothing would be enough to satisfy him– and worst thing is he was going to let you do that and enjoy every second of it.

#‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚#chainsaw man smut #csm #csm x reader #csm aki #chainsaw man aki #aki hayakawa x reader #aki hayakawa #aki x reader #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man

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sha-n-dowbannedlol · 1 year

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Alhaitham — Let You Break My Heart

cw: hanahaki disease, major character de4th, angst

It first happened during a sunny afternoon, the same day Alhaitham first smiled at you. A soft smile, barely even noticeable, but it was certainly there. His eyes tinged with amusement as they bore through yours, and the world was brighter for a moment, though, it was gone just as quickly as it came.

However, the same can't be said for the lingering feelings it has left in your chest.

It started out as simple warm feelings blooming in your chest every time you see him, choking on air whenever his eyes meet yours, the feeling of your windpipe closing up whenever he shows any emotions towards you. It was lovely, those feelings, and you never wished for them to go away.

Until the coughing started.

Blue petals tinted with red now lay on your palms and you could only look on in horror.

Alhaitham can't know. He can never know.

But Alhaitham is intelligent and observant, and you're a dear friend to him. He was bound to notice the increasingly frequent trips to the bathroom, the poorly hidden efforts to cough, and all the petals peeking out of your pockets. It was only a matter of time before he questioned you—before he found out.

When the inevitable finally came, you were already prepared to accept your fate. But Alhaitham had other plans. While you closed your eyes and braced yourself for rejection, Alhaitham simply looked on as unbothered as he could be.

"I love you too,"

And his confession felt like a vine that wrapped itself around your heart, its little thorns digging themselves into the flesh to solidify their position there.

The next few months were the happiest moments of your life; Every day with Alhaitham was too good to be true. He cared for you, he made sure to look after you the best as he could, and made you feel loved as much as he could, despite him having the emotional range of a brick wall.

He kissed you, held your hand, brushed his fingers through your hair every morning, and held you in his chest every night. Not a day goes by that you don't hear him professing his love for you.

But your illness never got any better.

Every day he left for work, you would hunch over the bathroom, whole flowers surrounding the place.

Daffodils. Please respond to my feelings.

Blue Roses. Unrequited love.

Snapdragons. Deception.

And every day, you rush to clean everything up, careful not to leave a single petal behind that will clue Alhaitham into the ever-growing illness that's supposed to have left you ages ago.

It was unheard of, this case of yours, as Hanahaki Disease is supposed to go away the moment its bearer finds out that their feelings are returned, and yet here you are with vines poking out of your throat and flowers in your palms, struggling to breathe.

Perhaps, it was because despite your boyfriend's constant reassurance that he loves you, despite his actions to convince you... deep down, you knew it was all a lie.

Deep down, you knew Alhaitham isn't capable of loving you.

It was only a matter of time before your illness gets the better of you, so you never said anything to him. You allowed yourself to enjoy his act. You relished in his touches, ignoring the flowers pushing past your throat every time he tells you he loves you.

You allowed yourself to live in a lie.

And when the day finally came, you lay in the bed of the man you loved, not able to move anymore and he walked in on you like that. Tucked in his bed, flowers everywhere, it would have seemed romantic in a different circumstance.

Not a single emotion can be seen on his face as he approaches you, one hand reaching out to hold onto yours. In a last effort to communicate with him despite the restraints against your throat, you finally asked for the last time.

"Did you ever love me?"

The moment his irises look away from yours, you allow your tears to escape, his gesture was enough to answer your question and you didn't have the energy to inquire any further. You wanted to thank him for everything, for at least trying for the past few months, but the rejection was enough for your illness to reach full bloom.

One last time, Alhaitham leans in to place a final kiss on your temples, hoping to, at the very least, ease your pain.

In the bed of the man you loved, with your hand still in his, and his lips pressed against your skin, you took your last breath.

And for Alhaitham, that was the beginning of his end.

Hunching over, he, himself started coughing, and the flowers that came from you were mixed with ones that came from him.

Crimson Rose. Grief. Regret.

Purple hyacinths. I'm sorry.

Orchids. I will always love you.

#alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #al haitham x reader #genshin alhaitham #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x you

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thegoldenappleofdiscord · 7 months

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hit me with your best will solace hcs please, i can take it

will solace headcanons or something

gonna be real honest i forgot half of my headcanons and i'll probably remember them the minute i post this but:

healing and hymns: i don't think the healing process in chb is specified beyond "ambrosia and nectar," but i think a combination of powerful voice (stentorian) + correct hymn + natural talent = higher chances of healing success; i don't think will has a voice that's very pleasant to listen to. i think he can carry a tune, sure, but he isn't someone you want to listen to for extended periods of time. the thing i think makes him such a good healer is his strong voice - he's able to keep singing at a steady pace with consistency. he can heal his siblings of small bruises and paper cuts through a single song, but you won't catch him leading a campfire. [i thought way too long about how hymns work in the infirmary for my fic jdsjgfdg]

texan will: i've seen a lot of headcanons revolving around texan will that have always been a little odd to me, seeing as i'm texan and half of these hcs are just blatant stereotypes lmao. i think i even once saw someone say that because he's from the south he can't be a vegetarian, which is pretty absurd (coming as someone who fasts.) honestly the only one for this i can think of is that he uses "ya'll" constantly. also occasionally indulges in fried food, because fried chicken slaps (none of that fried oreo/snickers bs. miss me with that will would NOT go near that stuff.)

assorted appearance headcanons:

he has freckles all over him! apparently he doesn't have them canonically and we all just. collectively decided that he did, and i love that.

likes pockets. anything with pockets. also, flip flops, crocs, basically any open-toed shoes. sometimes he'll just go barefoot, because why not. i also think he wears a lot of bracelets - things made by his younger siblings (some alive, some not.) they're his version of camp beads.

from here i give up on categorizing my hcs:

gets more irritated during winter/fall months

tea person

the type of person to belt out songs when he thinks nobody is watching

is actually rather chill during shadow travel, and doesn't get nauseated because he's done it with nico so often

lets the cocoa puffs hitch a ride on him whenever he's in the infirmary, and always has to explain who they are to new patients.

doesn't curse often but when he does it's a storm

friends with drew because i said so and also because i think he, jake, and drew have "i became a camp counselor too early" solidarity. i think they all became friends post tlo and have maintained a tentative relationship since! those cabins have each other's backs.

big spoon

wants to get more tattoos (maybe a tattoo sleeve?)

doesn't want to become a doctor, but rather a vet, or maybe a teacher. reasoning being that he'll have to relearn everything, but also that he'll have to deal with the loss of his patients again, this time knowing he couldn't heal them magically because he's relying on modern medicine. plus, he would have to spend a long time away from his siblings, and seeing as how he's a year rounder, i don't think that would bode well for him.

really really likes planning events - especially birthday parties

wants to travel the world, but is also afraid to leave everything behind

was once afraid of growing up, and still sort of is. doesn't think much of his birthday, because he used to celebrate it with his mother, and he didn't really get a chance to start celebrating with his siblings before being thrown into war

terrible dancer, even though his boyfriend is really good at it

loves to garden! there's a garden for the infirmary where he gathers ingredients for salves and poultices, but he also just loves the scent of flowers. he likes to care and nurture things, and plants are something he pours a lot of energy into. he and nico also go strawberry picking a lot.

fast fast fast runner

post tsats: persephone will occasionally call him using an angel trumpet flower (this is like. a very specific vision but search up one of those flowers and imagine holding it up to your ear like a telephone:)

anyway she calls him on one of these bad boys and asks how he's doing. they have long chats about flowers and sometimes him and nico are invited for picnics in the underworld.

him and nico have a travel bucket list

he has possibly the worst handwriting ever. absolutely terrible

is pretty bad at using technology, but still has to pretend like he knows how to use it when he's helping nico navigate the internet.

aand that's all i remember for now!

#also i'm well aware that trumpet flowers are poisonous #seph has particular taste lmao #will solace #will solace pjo #will solace headcanon #nico di angelo #nico di angelo pjo #solangelo #drew tanaka #tsats #pjo #toa #rrverse #reeseanswers #lets not talk about how i used vocation forgetting what it actually meant mkay?

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mindfulstudyquest · 26 days

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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲: easy tips to form healthy habits ( based on this alessya farrugia video )

if you don't have a solid night routine, you may as well throw away your whole morning routine, because the decisions you make at night are gonna to directly affect you in the morning and how you go about your day. if you binge watch netflix 'til 1am calling it your "rest time" only for you to wake up in the morning feeling tired and frustrated, it's time for you to build a night routine and stick to it.

pro tip do not try to improve everything all at once, you're gonna fail. just try to incorporate something small in your routine to start forming healthy habits. it might take months, but one year from now it will all be worthy.

𝟭. prepare for the next day ( 📒 )

write down your to-do list for the next day. when i don't plan out my day i just end up doing nothing, because i don't even know where to start. but if you know what you have to do you don't end up procrastinating and start getting things done. also, do not overload yourself with too much things to do, you're just not going to accomplish them all, so keep it realistic.

bonus put the most important tasks on the top of your list so you're gonna accomplish them as soon as possible.

𝟮. clean you room ( 🫧 )

it really depends on when you are the most active – for example i'm a night owl and i can't even imagine cleaning my room in the morning – but yes, removing all the mess you made during the day will help you leaving it all behind and starting fresh new the next day. put your clothes away, remove books, notebooks, make-up products, trash all around and i guarantee you that you're gonna feel so much better.

𝟯. take care of your body ( 🌷 )

take a warm shower that can help you relax, do your skincare, change in your comfy clothes, basically wash away the stress and negativity of the day. last semester i would literally stay at uni for 10h straight and coming back home at 8pm after the gym, i used to take a warm shower straight after that so i could let all the negativity of the outside world slide off me.

𝟰. drink hot tea ( 🍵 )

avoid theine but treat yourself to a hot drink that helps you relax and restore your calm, also take your vitamins and give yourself those ten minutes in your personal space.

𝟱. self love and affirmations ( 💖 )

reflect on your day, write down in your diary all the things that happened, pray, meditate, do your affirmations, leave everything in the past, do not let today's disappointments, stress and frustration affect your tomorrow. the only way in which you can truly move forward is by facing the things that happened today to leave them in the past, tomorrow is a new day.

𝟲. get off your phone ( 📱 )

definitely the hardest part for me. i don't even want to explain why it's so dangerous for you to stay awake scrolling through your phone at night – blue light and whatever – so just be strong and try to get off your phone at least 1h before going to bed, use eye-protection mode after sunset and use blue glasses if you can.

bonus use only red light at night, blue light are gonna inhibit your melatonin production ( which is what makes you sleep at night ).

𝟳. go to bed on time ( 🛏️ )

do not delay your bed time in order to get more dopamine scrolling through social media or binge watching netflix. do not sacrifice your sleep in order to do more work/study ( i did it in the past and it's definitely not worthy ), prioritizing your sleep is going to reward you in the long run. trust and believe.

𝟴. 321 rule for better sleep ( 💤 )

3 hours before bed –> stop eating. it gives you enough time to digest your food so you're not going to waste energy during your sleep to digest and you're gonna wake up less tired.

2 hours before bed –> stop studying/working. you need to drag your brain out of your "fight or flight" mode in order to get deep rest at night.

1 hour before bed –> stop screen time. allow your body to produce the melatonin that it needs in order to fall asleep properly.

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4dkellysworld · 3 months

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I’m really struggling to realize self when all I feel is sadness for a variety of reasons. One is the fact that I know this information and don’t apply it “correctly” the other is feeling detached from everything else but the heartbreak I endured this year from an ex and failing to detach myself and accept it or the situations that caused pain from it

I understand, I was like you a few months ago. There were some painful things that no matter how much I tried to tell myself it wasn't real, it just had too much of an emotional charge and imprint to let go of and detach from. This is where I felt I had to deviate from 4dbarbie and find my own way to address this - ignoring it didn't feel right and kept me stuck. I really recommend you read this post first of all which describes what I did to let go of them. And here's an exercise you can do for releasing those (so long it's not something that will retraumatize you if you bring it up, if this is the case, I highly recommend going to a therapist for help for these):

Find a nice quiet private space where you are free to be as emotional as you can be. You can do this exercise while sitting or even lying down, whatever feels comfortable.

Deliberately think of whatever hurts or bothers you - it's okay, you're doing this to let go of them for good and be free. They aren't here anymore. It's not in the present anymore.

(this can be done during/after step 4 or 5 if you feel unable to accept it at the start, do what feels right) Accept what has happened. Accept there's nothing you can do to change what happened and let go of wanting to change anything. It is what it is. All you can choose now is to be free of it and let it go for good. Accept whoever/whatever hurt you as they are. If you have any grievances/regrets/grudges or such, choose to let it go and forgive everything including yourself (I highly recommend you read this post for why this is helpful as it's very relevant to your question too). Accept yourself as you were then and are now. Accept everything as it is.

Notice the thoughts, emotions and sensations that come up - don't deny or resist them, let them come up and let them be. You can cry or get angry, it's okay. Accept them all without identifying with them, it's just old stuff coming up to be released. Just keep your awareness on those sensations and watch them.

Imagine there's a window from your body where you feel the emotions/pain/resistance/sensations and that you're inviting and allowing them to leave - you don't need to force it to leave, it will leave or dissolve on its own as you continue watching it and letting everything be. You can imagine it all leaving in coloured smoke if you'd like, whatever colour feels appropriate and comes to mind. It's just energy leaving your body. (I did this in therapy a few years ago and it actually helped me release some major things that I hadn't been able to do so any other way)

Keep doing this until it's all gone and you feel nothing when you think of whatever was bothering you, what's left is peace :)

It's not necessary to do this for every single thing, just what you feel unable to let go of no matter how hard you try. At some point you'll find a lot of peace and quiet inside (this will also help quiet the mind a lot) and then you'll intuitively know when you're ready to completely detach from everything.

If you feel led to learn more about this practice, feel free to check out The Sedona Method book on my google drive. I don't recommend reading the whole thing unless you want to, just look for what you need in the book and apply it.

#asks #exercise #releasing #witnessing #practical #mind purification

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apolloslyrics · 1 month

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Lazy "Wards"

So today, I was lying in my bed, and I was thinking about how I desperately did not want to refresh my wards. I was feeling tired, burned out, frustrated, and just generally awful. I knew I needed to refresh them, but I also knew that it was going to take so much effort that I didn't have. Thus began the thought:

Is there an easier way to ward my space?

Turns out there is! Now, I know wards are normally random things you put in your room and re-do every once in a while, but ✨️these ones are fun and cool✨️. I compiled a list of the five easy wards I do for when I'm feeling absolutely AWFUL. Here they are!

Morning and Night Playlists

Make two playlists— one that you'll listen to as soon as you wake up, and one that you'll listen to right before you sleep. They don't have to have any specific genre; just do what you feel like you need during those times. Maybe even create a playlist cover photo if you're feeling inspired!

Turn your fan on

I am dead serious with this one, folks. It could technically be considered cleaning, but FUCK IT. Open your window and/or your door and turn on a fan. Let that air flush OUT the energy from inside and pull IN the good shit from outside. I would probably do this like once a week. Have fun with it! Maybe even play those playlists and have a whole dance party!

Stuffed Animal of the Month

That's right. You heard me. Choose a stuffed animal that will protect your space for a month. Next month, choose a different one. Repeat that for, like, forever or whatever. The important thing is that you choose a stuffed animal, you tell them "Hey, I need you to guard my shit," and you give them LOOOOTS of cuddles in return. I love this one a little too much.

Tape a picture of a sigil on your door

This one's for the people who are able to be out as a witch. If you can't do a sigil, even putting a picture of an animal or object is good enough! Just tape it to your door, either facing you or the outside, and let it do its thing.

Incense and screaming

This is more of a cleansing method than a ward. DO IT. Open your window and/or your door again, light that shit up, and scream out all the energy that you've been building up. Tell it to get-the-fuck-out or you'll roundhouse its ass. But also find the good shit and ask it to join you!

I hope yall like this post. I really liked making it!! These methods are probably not all new, and I'm most definitely not the one who invented them, but STILL. I like them and I hope you do too!

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matthewkniesys · 10 months

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where do we go now? - jamie drysdale

summary:

a/n: so firstly thank you @huggybearhughesy for your help!! this is based on the lyrics of gracie abrams song "where do we go now?". the lyrics are in bold. this isn't my favourite thing but i'm trying to push through a writers block so hopefully you guys like it :)

pairing: jamie drysdale x fem!reader

good riddance fic series

warnings: swearing and angst and i think thats it but lmk if you find anything else

You and Jamie go way back. Way, way back to when you were both in your moms stomachs. Your parents and Jamie’s parents were like those friend groups you see on TV. You know, the ones where both couples meet at college and then become an inseparable friend group and then move to the same city together and then raise their kids together.

And from the day you were born (3 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days after Jamie as he always reminds you), the two of you were inseparable. If you were at the pool Jamie was probably too. If Jamie was playing tag at recess you probably were too. If Jamie had a hockey tournament chances were you were going to be there, at every game. And then as you grew older, if you were at a party Jamie was probably too. People knew that if they were looking for one of the two of you, all they had to do is ask the other one. That was the kind of bond you shared with your best friend.

Until the string that ties you two together started fraying. And then the string snapped all together.

24th Street

Where you held me, grabbed my arm

What a mental fire alarm

'Cause a lot of that felt wrong

After high school, you moved to Anaheim with Jamie. You didn’t think anything of it. At that point in your life all you knew was that you and Jamie weren’t going to break up. You would follow wherever he goes. It’s funny how you can be so sure of something and then all of a sudden you just aren’t anymore. It starts to feel wrong.

You two bought a small apartment on 24th street and for the first year it felt perfect. It was small and cozy and all you two really needed but at some point during the second year everything changed.

You can’t exactly pinpoint the moment you started realizing this wasn’t it for you. That Jamie wasn’t gonna work out. That this wasn’t your forever. It probably wasn’t even one singular moment. It was lots of little ones all together that came crashing down.

What you can pinpoint is the moment you realized you had to go. That you would suffocate if you stayed in this relationship any longer.

You came home after a horrible day at University and Jamie was there waiting. Like always. He was perfect like that. He never did anything wrong and he could always pick up on the queues that you weren’t having a great day. That used to feel like everything you needed but not anymore. Now it just felt predictable and boring. It felt like there was no passion left. No fire burning between the both of you.

“Hi babe. Bad day?” Jamie asks, after you let out a long sigh dumping all your stuff on the ground.

You make a little noise of acknowledgement, not even having the energy to talk to Jamie and that’s the part where it starts creeping up on you. The fact you don’t even want to talk to the person who supposedly means the most to you. The person who should be the love of your life.

The moment it slams into you though is when he comes up to you and wraps you in his arms. It should be comforting after all these years but in reality it feels like you’re drowning. It triggers something in your brain. You’re overwhelmed with the need to escape. Since when did being in Jamie’s arms, the arms of your boyfriend but more than anything your best friend start to feel so wrong?

Like I miss you

But when I kissed you back, I lied

You don't know how hard I tried

Had to fake the longest time

After that day you tried so hard to stay. You ignored that little voice telling you to get out and run as fast as you can. But you could only take so much. You had love for Jamie still. That much was true but you missed it when you felt so utterly consumed by him. When you constantly wanted to be around him. You missed that part of your relationship with him.

Every hug, every kiss, every word felt wrong. Felt fake.

You always hugged him and kissed him back. You tried to salvage what was there with the two of you. You pretended to yourself that you thought you could fix it, that maybe if you faked long enough it would become real but you always knew you couldn’t. You were lying to yourself. There had never been an ending that ended with Jamie. It wasn’t in the cards with you.

Where do we go now?

One January night you were laying in bed, unable to fall asleep. Next to you your boyfriend was sleeping soundly, completely unaware that anything was wrong. You toss and turn and avoid thinking about the fact that you shouldn’t be here and that Jamie deserves to know that you don’t love him like that anymore. He deserves the world, you just won’t be the one to give it to him.

Slowly you feel Jamie stirring on the other side of the bed. He gets up and looks over at you, groggily.

He yawns and says, “Hey babe, what are you doing up?”

You look into your boyfriend's pretty eyes and in that moment you know you can’t do it anymore. There isn’t anywhere for you two to go. What you have or had is over now and you need to end it.

Tears well in your eyes and you take a deep breath, knowing that in the next moment you were going to break the heart of the boy you used to love most.

“Jamie… I can’t do this anymore. It isn’t fair to you because you did nothing wrong but to stay wouldn’t be fair to me either. I have to leave. This doesn’t feel right anymore. There isn’t anywhere for this relationship to go that wouldn’t end in heartache. I love you, Jamie and I will forever but I have to do what is right for me.”

Jamie doesn’t say anything at first, just lets the tears fall. After a moment he says, “I could feel you pulling away but I wanted to ignore it but I guess I can’t anymore. I don’t wanna let you go. And I know that’s not fair but I love you. There won’t be anyone but you.”

“Yes there will be, Jamie. There will be someone because we weren't meant for each other. There is nowhere for us to go.”

I know I changed overnight

So I can't blame you for fightin'

And I'd be losin' my mind

If you lived in your writin’

The days that follow are hard. You have to keep living in the apartment until you find other living conditions and Jamie is convinced he can find a way to make work. He just can’t see that the best of your relationship was behind and that’s where you had to leave it. Nothing good would come from trying to salvage this.

“Why are you just giving up on us?” Jamie says one day out of the blue while you two eat summer in silence.

“I am giving up because after spending so long trying to stay, I have to give up for the both of us. And I know to you it seems like I just flipped a switch and overnight decided this wasn’t good anymore but I’ve been thinking about us for a while.” You pause, “Honestly, Jamie I’m surprised you're not the one frustrated with me because lately I've been so caught up in my school work I barely even have time to spend with you. Isn’t that driving you crazy?”

“No, it’s not because I just need your presence. That’s enough for me. And I understand why you’re so busy. It’s not like you’re purposely avoiding me.”

“The last few months though, I have been avoiding you.”

'Cause now I'm half of myself here without you

You're the best in my life and I lost you

And we had no control when it fell through

It was one-sided, hate how I hurt you

The next month is a blur. Between finding your own place and being busier than ever with school, you don’t have tons of time to think about Jamie but when you do there’s a sinking feeling in your gut.

You don’t regret ending it but you miss the friendship, the special bond that had been between you two since you were kids. You haven’t been apart from him for this long ever and it feels like a part of you is missing.

Jamie has always been the best in your life. The amazing boy that every girl wishes was theirs but he had always been fully yours. Until now when you set him free.

You wish you hadn’t had to hurt him. He didn’t deserve it but you didn’t deserve to be trapped either. He had no control over the situation. He couldn’t have prevented what happened. It was one sided and it sucks but it's the truth.

If I could, I'd have changed every feelin'

Reservations were up to the ceilin'

Guess the space was the thing that I needed

But I miss you

“Hey y/n. Uh it’s Jamie. Sorry to bother you by calling. I just need to know one thing. And then I can move on. I can pretend I don’t feel like I’m drowning. Did you wish it could’ve been different? If you could've, would you have changed your feelings?”

After a shaky breath from Jamie, silence fills the air. You’ve listened to this voice message he sent you at least twenty times at this point. You have memorized it but can’t stop replaying it.

The simple answer is yes. Yes, you would’ve done anything in your power to still love Jamie but it doesn’t matter because you couldn’t. It isn’t how the world works.

You tell exactly that to Jamie over the phone the next day and he says nothing. He listens and then hangs up, leaving you to hope he’ll be okay.

Being apart from him has shown you, you made the right decision but that doesn’t make it hurt less. You still miss him. He was, after all, your best friend since the beginning and you no longer have each other. That’s…a lot to take in.

Where do we go now?

In the last month Jamie has asked himself over and over and over again what he could’ve done to make you stay. He comes up empty every time because he did everything right. Just wasn’t enough he guesses.

He doesn’t know where to go anymore because before it was always to you. You were his light in the dark. He used to follow that brightness but now that light has run out of power and he’s left to stumble through the darkness alone.

He will be okay, he just has to figure where to go now. Which way it is to escape the black and reemerge in the light.

good riddance fic series

thanks for reading🫶requests are always open for fics, blurbs, ig edits and just thoughts!!

taglist: @woodruff-edwards @nicohischierz @makarhughes @cobrakaisb @huggy-hischier94 @boldysswld@cole-mcward48@kashee-h@kjohnson-91 @jackhues @corneliaskates @imma-mirrorball @hvghes @emptyflowerpots @h0e4fictionalme-n @ivy-34 @jayisamirrorball @diary-of-jj @nicojackl0v3r

join my taglist

#claire's good riddance fic series #jamie drysdale #jamie drysdale x reader #jamie drysdale imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic #x reader #claire tries writing <3

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fantomette22 · 2 months

Text

Lady Maria vs Keeper of the Old Lords

In the depth of the pthumerian's tombs, Lady Maria always feared to encounter an adversary with the ability to control fire.

Not just a common foe with a mere fire paper no, but a being capable of channelling their own energy or blood to ignite a blade, a pyromancer. The protectors of the old lords or of the antics kings and queens of their people.

She always had fascination yet a grand fear for them. People aren't sure why a fearless warrior like her would be so destabilised at their evocation or when rumours to have seen one would went to her ear.

But in the end, she managed to overcome one of her biggest fear. She faced the fire and ash warrior and save her companions!

She took a decision. She won't let herself be hold back by this part of herself and scare her so much, anymore.

A few headcanons :

Yes I headcanon Maria is born a pyromancer. The first since about her grand grand grand (grand?) parents. Her blood is very powerful for offensive use. (Way more powerful than a normal human trying to used a Chikage as well, for exemple). So yes she could ignite her blood from her living under certains extreme conditions.

She never really learnt how to control it/how to make it take fire on demand properly and she didn't wished too (plus if she can't control it her family isn't gonna ask her to used it!). She don't want to use her own blood as a weapon, as a mean to hurt people. She don't like this and she almost feel like a monster or a weapon with such abilities.

Still, she was quite curious about the legends of the pyromancers protector of the great ones. Compared than the "shadows" of the queen she should have become.

Her abilities through her blood but it's is very similar to the shadows of Yharnam/beast possessed soul/keeper. Like the description said for the keepers they had to go through a ritual to obtain their power. But they are much older, those rituals take place before pthumerians crown themselves leaders.

Back at byrgenwerth the students gang did encounter a shadow of Yharnam once, during hm training we'll say. Everyone was fine in the end but Maria was quite shock and scared by the experience. It reminded her what she could become and the role her peers wanted her to have. A shadow.(= bodyguard who can do dirty work). Still, she even used her own blood to distract the shadow so they could run away, knowing maybe it would recognize her as not an enemy. Everyone found that a bit weird a t first but they figure that Maria do know some pthumerian/cainhurst rituals so that pass and almost no one suspect anything.

After she got her master degree at Byrgenwerth, she went to the East a couple of months to do a mission for Cainhurst. She got her Rakuyo over there as well. When she came back she got offered her hunter outfit and joined the hunter/ healing church. Not long after they went to Central Pthumeru...

Maria and a few hunter had to fight the beast possessed soul and again it scared her. Afterwards she understood she couldn't let her fear of pyromancer hold her back or people could be severely hurt.

So afterwards they discover the keeper of the old lords, Maria fought it and defeat it. She got injured and was quite destabilised but she made it. She was gift her chalice afterwards and got THE blood transfusion + a baptism + being officially a part of the hunter/church.

So besides her very close family (royal family include) nobody knows about her ability for a huge while. I think you can understand why.

Ok she did tell Gehrman accidentally. But there were more important things she told him at the same time too so he didn't pay that much attention to it on the moment. And after all, 'that you can make fire or not with your blood doesn't change who you are Maria!"

Laurence in the contrary kinda loose it when he learn about it XD he found it absolutely incredible! Compared to her. But he managed to tell her it wasn't a curse but a gift and it shows she must be special for the great ones! She did appreciate that.

I know the idea of Maria vs keeper of the old lords have already been done by a few people but it's just so good! I believe there's many possibility for a story! In term of action or even characters.

#bloodborne #fantomette22art #my art #lady maria of the astral clocktower #lady maria #keeper of the old lords #chalice dungeon #bloodborne headcanons

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writting-for-a-chain-of-heros · 10 days

Text

Links divorce HC

Day 1:

Sky

Neglected

Tw: Divorce, depression, neglect and a lot of angst

He really didn't know how it happened but one day you both had gotten into a slow routine where you were both acting more like roommates than a couple

Or more specifically YOU stopped acting like his spouse

It was slow at first, little changes here and there that didn't seem like a big deal at first but looking back at them they were warning signs he should have considered before the situation escalated into this.

At first they were complaints about how tired you had been feeling lately, how busy you had been with helping to repair the damages your era had faced by Dark Link plus his goons and how forgetful you had started being on time to your dates with Sky.

Then you started to slowly sleep in more during the morning,which Sky couldn't protest against too much since it meant more time for him to sleep but also more time to cuddle with you in his arms as you rested against him.

But soon after it got to a point where even HE was concerned with how many days you'd spend doing nothing but laying in your covers with the rare exception of work that was also on the edge of being forgotten in exchange for sloth.

He'd try to get you to get out more often by suggesting some of the things you loved to do together, unfortunately they also didn't work.

You want to go exploring? Sorry not today, your legs feel weak :(

You want to go flying? The weather is too cold/hot/humid/sunny, maybe next time

Do you want to go spar for a few rounds? You have an upset stomach,your head hurts or you just don't have the energy for it today.

At some point you stop eating as much as you use to, in fact you're barely eating at all

He tries his best to be a good spouse by bringing the food to you in bed which results in you refusing to eat and leaving behind a full plate or only patrically eating it while leaving most of it behind

Every time he'd try to question you on why you haven't been going out or caring for yourself he's met with either silence or a half answer excuse.

“Can you tell me what's been bothering you?” He'd ask

“It's nothing, I am just in a funk, I'll get out of it soon,Link.”

He doesn't want to push you beyond your limits and he genuinely believes you when you tell him those lines over to him

It's ok

You're ok

Everything is ok.

You're just in a bad mood, this will pass in time

He just needs to give you space and comfort then you'll be back to the same old you from before.

He just has to wait and be patient.

That's what he tells himself for weeks as you slowly start to get worse and worse over time.

It was bad enough when you were both acting so distant but now he was less of a spouse and more like a parent now.

It has been 6 months and you had stopped do all chores, stopped feeding yourself, stopped showering, stopped working, stopped going on dates completely and stopped,well, basically doing everything except breathing

Sometimes you'd get up to go to the bathroom, maybe eat a little bit of the food Link had gotten you and that was it before you plopped back down to bed with the old stained blanket

The room would stink of day-old food that was barely touched and Link would have to be the one to toss it out while he did the dishes along with the rest of the household chores he had been doing alone for some time now.

He’d find himself having to drag you out of bed to clean you since you refused to do it yourself.

He'd change out the bed sheets,blankets, pillows you had been sleeping in for Hylia knows how long.

He'd brush your hair,brush your teeth,clip your nails, change your clothes,do the laundry & do his daily activities outside while you continue to show no progress

He tries to talk to you a few more times but you don't even bother to give an excuse anymore which leads to a lot of one sided arguments that only frustrate him more as the relationship becomes more strained.

He tries to get you to do couples counseling and tries to seek help from his friends to mediate the situation only for it to fail as well.

He wants to help you.

He really does but he doesn't know how.

But the most frustrating part of it all is that it seems as though you aren't even trying at all

After a year & a half of consistently trying he finally gives you an ultimatum.

You either seek professional help and try to get better or there's a divorce.

He loves you

He absolutely loves you

He wants to spend the rest of his life with you

But he can't stay with you if you refuse to do anything to change or improve

He feels neglected

He feels alone

He wants the bright person you used to be to come back...

Please..

……

…..

The relationship ends.

#linked universe #lu #linked universe x reader #chesse tag #cheese writes #angst #lu sky x reader #lu sky

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filmbyjy · 1 year

Note

hi! idk if ur requests are still open or no but if they are, could you do a headcannon on enhypen on how they would take care their s/o when she’s on her period or something. It’s okay if u don’t want to do this(btw I love ur writings 🫶🫶) HOPE THIS MADE SENSE LOL🫶

a/n: oh don’t worry! my request box is always open. it’s just I take a long time to write this out bc of school😞 oh and thank you🫶🏻🫶🏻anyways! let’s write this!! sorry this took so long :((

enhypen taking care of s/o while on her period

LEE HEESEUNG

no stfu. there is no hear me out

this man will be soooo sweet

he makes good use of those doe eyes to look all innocent and shit so he could beg to buy pads and other essentials for you

don't even try pushing him away

"babe, can i buy for you-"

"just go."

happily smiles and grabs his wallet before bolting to the supermarket

once he does, he tries to find the section

but then he faced with crisis number #1

why in the world are there so many pads. why do they need to have this 'heavy flow' thing. is that how much women bleed every month??

he is horrified

but he keeps calm and tries to find a staff.

a little shy but he does it anyways.

the staff helps him and he buys the perfect amount. just 2 packets because why would you need heaps of it

comes back with the pads and with hot cocoa from the cafe you two love.

on the way home, he read that drinking warm things helps with your cramps so he stopped by the cafe.

now where did crisis number #2 start?

when your cramps decided to fuck up your cuddle session well more like makeout session

you were kissing heeseung like your life depended on it and then that's when the cramps start bothering you. you groaned whilst pulling away.

heeseung no jokes rolls his eyes

not at you but the pain that you were feeling.

"let me kiss you some more to make it go away."

"heeseung, it doesn't work."

"shush woman."

and so he kisses you

it sort of helps though🫢

so umm now whenever you have cramps, heeseung just kisses you👍🏻

PARK JONGSEONG

my man🫶🏻🫶🏻

if it isn’t obvious this man definitely knows how to handle things

he is prepared >:)

well for the first time he is a little confused because you are his first girlfriend and he doesn’t have any womanly figure around him besides his mother

so he doesn’t know how tf should he react to your period

he tries to get help from his mom on what should he do

ultimately, he becomes a pro at it

gives you massage

belly rubs

warming up a heat pad for your cramps

getting anything for you

does baby talk (bc he wants to be soft with you)

making you laugh to distract you from the pain

buys you pads/tampons whichever you use

even brings a small little pouch with pads/tampons for when it comes unexpectedly during your little date

he definitely I feel like tracks your period

bc if you’re just plain out lazy or forget, he knows when to be ready

which is why jay is a 100/10 on being best boyfriend🫶🏻🫶🏻

hence let’s kiss, jongseong 😍 ehem kidding. no I’m not kidding👁️👁️

SIM JAEYUN

mother I am in love with an australian 20 year old boy😮‍💨😮‍💨

sorry

anyways, I think jaeyun would definitely be another clueless one

he may be for the hoes and stuff but zero clue on what a damn period is

please teach the boy

but

won’t lie, he’d be great at listening to you

golden retriever energy right there

so if you ask him to get you things, he won’t hesitate

“jake-”

“ALREADY ON IT, LOVE!!” *grabs his wallet and phone. puts on shoes. all ready to go out*

he may not know but he is willing to learn how to make you feel better

because he only wants you to feel at ease and comfortable

for that to happen, obviously he needs to understand you so he decides to learn about periods

bc he loves you🫶🏻🫶🏻

loves rubbing your tummy to make you feel better though

reminds him of petting layla’s belly and he has great knowledge on that

PARK SUNGHOON

since sunghoon is an older brother…he definitely did know what a period is.

but he never thought he’d have to experience in helping with that (since his sister is 5 years younger)

until he fell for you

you are certain he knows what are periods but he just doesn’t know how to help

so you never bothered with asking him for help

until you accidentally texted him instead of your mom

you: mom :( i’m out of pads and my period came early. could you buy some pads for me while you’re at it?

sunghoon: sure, which kind?

you: mom?? I thought you knew what kind I use but here is the picture anyways *1 attachment*

and then when you hear the door open, you expected your mom to walk into your bedroom but no it’s your boyfriend

“hoon?”

“you sent the text to me but don’t worry…umm I asked my mom about it and how to help you get through this…umm bloody month…”

awkward as fuck but he is adorable

you gave him a hug

oh but as soon as he gets used to it after helping you a few more times…

all hell breaks loose

starts cracking up jokes about it

calls you weird nicknames

“my little ketchup packet🥺🥺”

deserves a smack to the arm

KIM SUNOO

you’ve heard and seen those statements from his girl classmates

THERE AINT NO WAY THIS MAN DOESNT KNOW HOW TO HELP

like hello?? popular with the girls in school. has girl friends

it’s sooo obvious

when he started dating you, he made sure to state that if you needed any help, just text him

you were hesitant

bc he was your first boyfriend so you never shared anything about periods to any guy before. even your dad

so like you just felt uncomfortable to even ask him

so let’s say…you and sunoo were having a stay at home date

you fell asleep on the bed. unbeknownst, you leaked and stained the bed. sunoo notices it and as such places a towel on the extra bed and moves you over to the other room.

after doing so, he goes to wash the stained sheets up and throw it inside the washing machine after.

he realises that he should wake you up bc you’d be sleeping in your dirtied clothes. before he does so, he goes to your bathroom to make sure you have your ‘supplies’ ready. if you don’t have any left, he runs down to the nearest mart to buy you some and even snacks or anything to make you feel better

once he comes back, he gently wakes you up and tells you to go change and then come down soon after.

you realised why he asked you to change and you were embarrassed. he probably saw it leak. just before you leave, he reassures that it is alright and normal for this type things to happen so he pecks your forehead and leaves to make hot cocoa.

to say that he is an amazing boyfriend was an understatement, he was the perfect boyfriend you could ever have.

YANG JUNGWON

jungwon does have an older sister so like he definitely has heard his sister like talk about it.

so it wasn’t a shock to him about how painful it is or how horrible it can get

however, since you were his first (and last) girlfriend, he doesn't exactly know how to help

well that's what he says but when you tell him you got your period

he surprisingly knows a decent amount of things

"here i made tea. since i heard coffee isn't good for your cramps."

like bro how did you know that🤨🤨

he also apparently made a mental note to track your period so he can plan dates

on days you have your period, he will definitely plan a stay-at-home date. the bundle he brings quite literally looks like you got injured and he is visiting you at the hospital.

i definitely also think that he will hold you close if you complain about your cramps.

soft tummy pats because he definitely likes doing it so you feel better. you know like that one en-o'clock moment where he was patting jay to sleep. yes i will never forget that moment.

still cant believe this is boy is 20 sobbing😭😭

NISHIMURA RIKI

honestly i’m facing a dilemma here (get it😉). idk if ni-ki would be a sweet and caring boyfriend

or would he be a pain in the ass when he sees your struggling with your period

so I’d say 50-50

like he will have his haha funny moments

but when he really realises “oh shit, my girlfriend is in pain.”

thats when he really goes full on ‘take care of girlfriend’ mode

bc he knows the existence of periods. he has two sisters

but he is also just a teen

teen boys really sometimes don’t get periods. they think its just something simple when really its not

so like dont be too hard on him. he’ll learn

this means it will take him a couple of times to really help you out

sometimes he can be serious, sometimes he can be playful

but he is also playful bc he knows you’re in pain and he wants to make you feel better or take away the frown

he just wants you to be happy and not in pain

ni-ki is pretty cuddly too. he likes to just curl up with you and hold you close bc you’re warm and he is cold

sometimes he cutely rubs his head against your tummy and surprisingly kinda feels nice since it kinda helps with the little cramps (unless you’re ticklish then uhh yeah)

10/10 cute boyfriend :D

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tallymonster · 6 months

Text

Memories of Us Chapter 4

Chapter list (1) (2) (3)

I have no clue what to even say, all the support, reblogs, and comments from everyone who has been reading this beautiful thing I've had in my daydreams has been pretty amazing. I can't thank you all enough 💕

Summary: Octavia has a little mess to clean up.

As always, thanks goes to my beta and best friend @micropoe10 . She's the driving force behind this idea because she kept telling me how good it was. So thanks, I owe you many lol.

Inspired by @cheesy-cryptid 's piece of fan art that buried itself in my brain and kept telling me what to write.

Chapter 4

"sleep til the sun burns out"

The next morning, Gale walks up to his shared office. Octavia should have already begun on the last of their tasks. At least a month of work finally coming to an end. They decided early on to share the office he had, after all one person doesn't need that much space to themselves. As he fumbles with the door, Astarion stops him. "Ah! My favorite assistant! Good morning Gale. I trust that you and our dear Octavia are prepared for the opening?"

Gale enthusiastically nods. The coffees he's got stacked on top of his pile of books are slightly shaking. He catches himself against the door and steadies the drinks, "Oh most definitely. Octavia has been staying after hours a few nights, at her insistence mind you, and she's incredible! She did at least three days of work in only half the time! I don't know what I would do without her at this point."

A small blush lands on his cheeks and he clears his throat. "Thank you for trusting me to bring her on board, she's a wonderful addition." Gale smiles awkwardly as Astarion gets in front of him and takes the cups. "Let me hold this for you before you wear this instead of your dashing sweater." Gale's shoulders fall a bit and he rolls his eyes.

They walk into the office to see a gigantic mess. Books, paperwork, pens, all matter of snack foods and energy potions surround Octavia and Gale's combined desks. "Octavia? Are you...?" Gale places his books on the desk softly, meanwhile Astarion places the cups down, picks up a book, and slams it on the table in front of her.

"I'M AWAKE! I'M HERE!!" Octavia springs up, a small note stuck to her cheek. She looks around bleary-eyed and rubs her face, as the room comes into focus, two faces come into view. Gale, and...OH SHIT. "MR. ANCUNIN! GOOD MORNING!!!"

She looks around and sees the mess left behind, quickly fixing her hair and ripping the note off her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't know" Gale mouths to her, he hands her the coffee and begins to gather the room. She puts her face in her arms and hides into the desktop. Thoroughly embarrassed, she lifts her head and looks at Astarion. "Good morning...sorry...I just really wanted to be done, and good news. It's done." She takes a lazy swig of her drink.

Astarion yawns and sips a bit from Gale's cup, coughing dramatically."Gods! How many sugars do you add to this?! This tastes absolutely vile!" He makes a disgusted face and places the cup back on the desk.

"Please tell me you aren't one of those people who asks for the drink with the longest name just to feel important?" He huffs, rolling his head to the side. "I'm not sure how to react to that." Octavia states, she looks down at the pile of papers Gale has already gathered.

She gets up to help, but Astarion stops her. "There's actually a reason I came by to see you both. Something that will pique both of your interests." Gale shoots him a suspicious glare, "What have you done now?" Astarion smiles and places down a well worn book, its black and red cover fraying like it's about to disintegrate if you sneeze in its direction.

"While I was away in the Underdark, I met with a lovely mind flayer and hobgoblin who had all kinds of interesting rare artifacts. One of which was this very book. They told me that this was procured during the siege on the Szarr estate, I'm hoping that it has more insight into our mysterious subject."

He slides the book over in between Octavia and Gale. "I'd love for the pair of you to tackle this long game Gale has played by himself. Octavia, your dedication to our last project surely landed you the task of caring for this book. Not a soul is to even breathe on it. That means you too, Gale."

He tilts his gaze over to Gale who scoffs a little at the notion that he can't read this book. "No offense, dearest Gale, I just don't want it leaving this office and we all know how you like to take work home." He pats Gale on the shoulder as he turns to leave the shared space.

"Also, one last thing. No more overnights, Octavia. You need your beauty rest, my darling. I've told you once before.." he leans in close to Octavia's left side and softly speaks near her ear "Can't have that beautiful mind of yours working too much, you'll turn into Gale, and I feel like you're far too much fun for that, hmm?"

She turns to him, their faces a few inches from each other. He's slightly taller than her, but in this closeness, he feels ten feet tall. His eyes hidden again behind pitch black lenses pierce through her, and the previous chill builds in her core, a shudder escapes her lips as the flush creeps onto her face. "Of course, sir, no more overnights."

She keeps her gaze on the glasses, her own eyes watching in return. She sees the vulpine expression start on his lips "Octavia, what have I told you about calling me 'sir'? We're in private chambers, not the atrium. Live a little, dearest." His voice dripped with suggestive candor.

Octavia on the other hand, was melting into the floor underneath her in return. She's never been around someone so well spoken, and it's pretty intimidating. "Of course....Astarion. I will go home tonight and sleep in my bed, not on my desk." She smiles timidly, back up at her as she looks towards him. "Wonderful, glad to hear it."

Astarion turns quickly on his heels, he must have somewhere to be. Octavia turns to Gale, an incredulous look on his face. "So he wants you to rest but he gives you another gargantuan responsibility to fulfill? I don't get that man sometimes." He shakes his head and keeps filing away paperwork.

—--------------------------------------------------

Later on, Octavia finalizes the displays and wanders back to her office. The last of the visitors are filing out, their dull rumblings and soft murmurs keep her company for a moment. As she turns the corner, mind elsewhere, she doesn't notice the person in front of her until it's too late.

The shock is like walking into a wall, her little pad falls to the floor and her forehead starts to feel warm. "You know, we really have to stop running into each other like this" there's a tiny sarcastic laugh behind the statement.

Astarion was standing in front of her and Gale's office holding two black envelopes adorned with silver writing. One for Gale and the other for her. "I meant to give this to you earlier. Before we got caught up in…all that…" he grimaces towards the office.

"Anyway, we're having a little party here for the board members, staff, beneficiaries, pretty much anyone who wants to have their name on a wing or a bench. I came to give you and Gale your invitations but you were both gone. Figured you actually listened to me for once." He shrugs loosely, picks up Octavia's notepad, and hands it back to her along with the envelope.

The black matte paper was smooth in her hands, her name embossed in silver leaf. She flips over the envelope and sees a silver wax seal with a Sharran symbol stamped in the middle. "Spared no expense, huh?" She remarks as she opens it.

"No, of course not. How do you think we pay for all the exhibits? We have to wine and dine these benevolent people to give us more gold to cover what I spent trying to convince other people to let me have their pretty little treasures they kept in dilapidated, crumbling, piles of rubble and bone for two hundred years." Astarion rambles sardonically, waving his hands as he rounds off. "That's all in a day's work for me. Having to put on airs to impress people who wouldn't even give me a second glance had I not worked my way up to where I am now. I've been one with the shadows for as long I can remember."

His voice lowers, a forlorn twinge to his words. "Having to sort through rushed, sloppy graves. You almost feel sorry for the corpses, I think I do. Hmm. Nevermind any of that. There's a dress code by the way. Black preferably. Spend some of that graduation money you mentioned and get yourself something nice."

He brushes some hair off Octavia's shoulder, his hand lingers there for a bit. She stares at his hand there and looks back at him, wide eyed. "You deserve it after all." He takes his hand off, placing both his arms behind his back. "Well I'm off. Looks like I'll have to look for Gale at his place. I'll see you there, dearest."

Tag list (thank you 🥹❤️, if you want to join, please let me know!) : @satanicspinosaurus @sleepy-timaeus @justporo

#bg3 #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 astarion #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #astarion bg3 #bg3 gale #fanfic #headcanon au #fic: memories of us #my fic

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amethystina · 1 month

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A health update (and a general explanation of my long Covid)

So while I've been pretty open about living with long Covid, I realise I've never taken the time to explain what that actually means for me and my quality of living. It's a phrase I toss around but I can imagine it doesn't feel all that substantial to a lot of you.

So I figured that now that I'm feeling a bit better (more on that later) I should do so. Partly because I figure it will make it easier to understand why I sometimes have to disappear for weeks on end.

So, if you're interested, feel free to keep reading under the cut :)

But be warned: It's long and kind of whiny. But also ends on a high note! So there's that.

The first time I caught Covid was around Easter 2020, long before there were any vaccines, which meant that I was hit hard. But no matter how bad I felt during the illness itself, the aftermath has been ten times worse. I've been living with my long Covid symptoms ever since, so for four years now. They worsened for a couple of months when I caught Covid a second time in February 2021, but have otherwise held pretty steady during those four years.

A lot of people experience different symptoms with their long Covid and, sometimes, they'll change as the weeks and months go by. I actually had a very interesting couple of months during 2022 when my sense of smell just went completely whack and everything suddenly smelled differently than it should. Like, I could be smelling an apple but it did not smell like an apple. It was a weird time in my life.

Anyway. My most common symptoms are fatigue, fevers, joint pain, brain fog, memory issues, incoherent speech, and lowered blood circulation.

(The latter actually kickstarted the Raynaud's syndrome I have on my mother's side so now I struggle with fingers and feet that will occasionally go white, bloodless, and completely numb at random intervals. Fun times)

The fatigue and fevers are the worst by far. For the past four years, I have had exhaustion fevers between two to five times a week. Or every single day if I'm unlucky. It's very much tied to how much sleep I'm getting, how well I'm eating, and how many taxing things I do each day. I need eight hours of sleep to be functional and anything less than that will most likely mean I'll end up having a fever before the day is over.

Unfortunately, I've always had issues with my sleep so, on most nights, I don't get eight hours even if I try my absolute best. Sometimes it's because I wake up too early and can't fall back asleep and, sometimes — because my life sucks — it's because my fever is so high that I can't fall asleep. Cue the endless cycle of too little sleep and fevers.

Because one of the main issues with these exhaustion fevers — and what makes them so difficult to manage — is that there's no way to lower them. Medicine has no effect whatsoever. Once I have it, I just have to suffer through however many hours are left until I can sleep and hope that it'll be gone in the morning. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

And every day my energy level gets just a little bit lower and the fever a little bit higher. Some days, all I can do when I get home from work is to lie on the couch and stare at the wall because I'm too tired and in too much pain to even watch something. And, again, no amount of medicine helps.

It continues on like this for a while and, every third or fourth month or so, the strain eventually becomes too much and I fall ill. My body simply shuts down from the continued stress and exhaustion, to the point where I can barely get out of bed. And, usually, I can feel it coming. On top of the fevers, I start coughing, then get a headache, and then my nose gets stuffy. And, by that time, I know I have about two to four days before I get sick. It's so accurate that my coworkers have learned that when I give the sign, they have to tell me whatever tasks they need to be finished within the near future since I'll probably be out of commission for one to two weeks.

But I eventually recover, go back to work, and so the cycle starts again. And again. And again. And again.

For four years.

All of this has, unsurprisingly, affected my quality of life to a pretty significant degree. I can barely work, let alone spend time doing any of my hobbies. I can't really travel anymore and, if I do, I'll get sick from the exhaustion. Even the 50-minute commute to the office (which I have to do three times a week) usually results in a fever before the day is over.

This inability to travel was how I ended up missing my maternal granddad's funeral. My shitty relatives didn't tell us the date for when he would be buried until there were only two days left and even if I could have put myself on an overnight train to get there, I knew I would be in no shape to actually be at the funeral if I did. So I couldn't go.

I did go to sit with my paternal grandmother as she was dying but, as expected, I got sick and couldn't return to work for a couple of days afterwards.

I also have to skip most birthday celebrations and any events happening on weekdays since I'm usually too feverish or won't manage the required trip to get there. My life has shrunk so much I barely recognise it anymore. I don't recognise myself. I used to be one of those people who could do a million things at the same time and somehow complete all of them. I was firm, organised, and efficient.

And now I'm not.

(... or, well, technically I am — at least compared to many others — but not compared to how I used to be xD)

Point being, a lot of things have changed and I don't like it. But, with that said, I'm also well aware that I'm lucky to be alive and I'm fortunate enough to have a stable job and a roof over my head. So, all things considered, I'm still doing pretty well.

But I also can't lie and say that this hasn't affected me in a deep and fundamental way. My life has changed and, right now, I don't know if it'll ever return to what I used to consider normal. And dealing with that knowledge — and the grief and fear that comes with it — hasn't been easy. I have cried ugly, self-pitying tears over this many, many times. It's frustrating to have no control over what my body does and to constantly have to be careful of what I do so I don't exhaust myself. I am furious that this happened to me.

But, after four years, there's also a certain amount of acceptance. And while I'm annoyed by my new limitations, I try my best not to feel too sorry for myself. Instead, I try to adapt as best I can, even if I might not always do it gracefully.

That does mean that I sometimes push myself more than I should, though. Because, if I didn't, I wouldn't never produce anything. As depressing as it is to admit, everything I've given you in the past four years has been while I was sick. I don't think a single chapter I've written or drawing I've made has been untouched by this. I've become an expert at writing, editing, and drawing even with a fever.

That doesn't mean I regret it, though — quite the opposite. I think that if I hadn't had a reason to write and draw, I would have felt even worse. A lof of the time, the excitement I feel when I'm able to post a chapter or show off a drawing I've made has been the highlight of my week. It's an accomplishment.

But, that said, it's still hard. Writing in particular. It requires a level of brainpower I can't reach when the fevers are too bad. And so, sometimes, I just can't. I literally just can't.

And, back in January, as I was trying to edit chapter 39 of Who Holds the Devil, I honestly pushed myself too hard. I was so determined to finish it that I didn't let myself see just how bad I was feeling — not at all helped by how emotionally draining the content of the chapter was.

It was only once I finished the chapter and posted it that I realised how absolutely wretched I felt. Not because of the chapter itself, but my lack of compassion for myself, I guess? Because the fevers were bad, I was barely sleeping, and I was both mentally and physically exhausted. And, what was worse, I realised that I was displaying depression symptoms I hadn't seen in over ten years.

All of a sudden, I got annoyed as soon as a minor inconvenience appeared. Everything people said to me was dissected into its tiniest component. I feared that people were secretly hating me. I couldn't meet people's eyes anymore when I was talking to them. I didn't realise I was just sitting there, staring at a wall, until several minutes had already passed.

And, as the final nail in the coffin, I stopped talking about how I was feeling.

And that, right there, is my last warning that I need to do something — always has been, ever since I was a teenager. When I clam up completely, refusing to admit to the people around me that I'm feeling bad, that's when I'm about to spiral.

So, the very next day, I went to my boss and told her that I'm getting burnt out and I need to do something NOW or this was going to turn ugly real soon. Thankfully, my boss is amazing and, after a doctor's visit, I was put on partial sick leave. Right now, I'm working six hours a day instead of eight and, let me tell you, I'm thriving.

Or, well, as much as I can while still having long Covid.

I'm almost angry at how much better I feel because, if I had known, I would have done this a lot sooner. I actually have energy now! I've only had a fever about four times in a little over a month! That's insane! It used to be four a week!

So yeah. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. The downside is that the partial sick leave is still only temporary and there are no guarantees that I'll be able to keep it. Though, if need be, I'll just have to ask my boss to rewrite my contract and change the amount of hours I work because, man, I don't ever want to go back considering how much better and happier I feel. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I feel like I've gotten my life back. It's not quite the same as before, but close enough to it that I kind of want to cry again — but happy tears this time.

And so I've spent the past couple of weeks just... living? When, before that, it felt like I was merely existing. I've been drawing a lot since that helps with the depression symptoms (which are almost completely gone, thank god) but writing has been harder. Possibly because I forced myself to do it during a time when I felt really, really bad and now I'm instinctively trying to shy away from it. But, since I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me, I'm going to give it another try this weekend. I want to write and I miss the stories I'm working on. And, hopefully, since I'm feeling a bit better, I can maybe get back to a more structured uploading schedule. But we'll see. As always, I can't make any promises.

But that's about it, I guess? I'm feeling better and, since I am, I've been doing a lot of things that I wasn't able to before (like taking walks — I take a lot of walks). And I'm still trying to figure out my new routine now that I work less. And while I still get sick sometimes (I am right now, in fact, due to lack of sleep on Tuesday night) I always find my way back eventually.

So yeah. If you've read this far, thank you so much for your patience 💜 I admit that I don't really enjoy writing things like these since it feels like I'm whining — I was very much raised not to take up space or complain when things are difficult (an unfortunate side effect to being the middle child with two disabled, high-maintenance siblings) — but I also prefer honesty and transparency. And I feel a little guilty since there are times when I've given pretty harsh responses when people question why I'm sick all the time or why I don't upload chapters as often as I used to, but without actually explaining why. So I guess it's time to be honest?

And the truth is that I've been constantly sick for the past four years. Not only due to my long Covid, but also the emotional and psychological toll of all the loss, grief, and pain I've been through. These past four years have been rough.

But I'm not saying that to gain pity or make excuses. I actually think I've done pretty well considering just how hindered I've been. I've improved my drawings so much and have written... god knows how many words. I'm honestly kind of scared to check xD But it has to be over 600k by now, maybe closer to 700k.

I think my only regret is that I haven't been able to engage with you all to the extent I would want. I wish I could be a more active and enthusiastic participant in fandom — to seek you out, hold conversations, and give you all even a fraction of the attention you've given me. I feel like I don't offer you nearly enough.

But I also know that I have to accept my own limitations. So, for now, we'll have to settle for whatever I can give, even if it's less than I would want. But I will keep on creating, trust me on that, because I'm stubborn as fuck and even if my pace is slower, I'm still determined to finish what I start.

And that's the note I want to end this on. I have suffered, yes — more so than I may have expressed to you all — but I've still managed to create some beautiful things. And while I mourn who I used to be and the fact that some of you have never known me at my best, I don't think the me I am right now is all that terrible. Do I want things to change? Yes, definitely. But do I want to change the choices I've made and the things I've accomplished in the past four years? No, I can't say that I do. I'm proud of what I've done, especially considering my limitations.

And, if you're reading this, thank you so, so much for your kindness, compassion, and support. Some of you are old friends while others of you are new, but I am grateful to every single one of you. You have made these past four years more bearable. You have made it easier to keep fighting. You have made it worth it.

Thank you 💜

#Amethystina and Life #I don't really know what to tag this as #A rant?#A rambling?#An explanation?#It's just a lot I guess #And I admit I'm still hesitating whether to post this or not #I don't like talking about things like this #Or draw attention to it might be a better way to put it #But yeah #It's here if you want to read it #But do so at your own risk #Now I'm going to bed #And might just pretend I never wrote this because I feel awkward and embarrassed x'D

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gryfferin-gaybies · 2 months

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Prompt - Please stay

When Harry walked into the pub, of course he noticed that platinum blond head of hair immediately. Of course his eyes were naturally drawn to the tall, lean, pale figure sitting at the bar.

And of course it hurt to see him again. It had been less than two months since they ended their year-old relationship. They'd fought frequently as a couple but that last fight was different. They'd yelled and screamed so much Harry lost his voice. They'd hurled insults at each other that hit hard and cut deep. Draco stormed out during arguments all the time, but he always came back. Harry waited over a week and Draco never came back, never reached out, never responded to Harry's owls, texts, calls, or Floos.

Harry's breath caught in his throat at the sight of Draco sitting at the bar with another man—who was leaning in way too close in Harry's opinion. His gait faltered but he quickly recovered, tearing his eyes away from the painful scene and refocusing on his coworkers.

They'd had an absolutely grueling day in the field so when one of the Aurors on Harry's team said drinks were on him, no one turned down the offer. A couple of hours after they arrived, they practically took up the entire back end of the pub, spread across multiple tables. A group of four played a game of darts while two others drunkenly argued over a game of chess. Some had formed a crowd around the telly to shout about the Quidditch match. No one seemed to mind; in fact, aside from them not many people were there at all.

"Harry. . . Harry. . . Auror Potter. . . Harry Potter!" Auror Kane snapped his fingers in Harry's face. "Do you want another," he asked when he finally had Harry's attention.

"Huh?" Harry hadn't even finished his first glass while most of his coworkers were working on their third or fourth. "Oh, no, I'm alright." Harry was sitting at a table with five other Aurors but he wasn't paying attention to them at all. He didn't have the energy to try to engage in conversation with them. He didn't pretend to try like he normally did when he was around people. He was too busy recovering from the shit show of a day he'd had. . . And staring at Draco and the guy he was with.

Draco was clearly inebriated, swaying slightly on his barstool and getting more handsy with the other man as the night went on. It concerned Harry because Draco didn't like being drunk in public. He didn't like being anything but clearheaded when he wasn't in the comfort of his own home or a close friend's.

It made something uneasy settle in Harry's gut and he had a feeling he might want to stay sober so he approached the bar to order himself a water. He made sure to stay a few feet away and on the side behind Draco, hoping to avoid being seen. He wasn't far enough to avoid hearing their conversation.

"What will it take to get you to come home with me?" Harry didn't mean to eavesdrop. Those words from whoever that stranger was just caught his attention.

"Like, three more drinks," Draco slurred. That was the last thing he needed, in Harry's opinion.

"We can make that happen, but why don't we continue drinking at my place where we can get more comfortable, hmm?" He trailed his finger along the inside of Draco's exposed wrist, up his arm, and stopping at his elbow to continue from his chest to his throat.

Draco nodded. "As long as I'm too pissed to remember this tomorrow." He giggled and swayed on his stool, taking another long gulp of whatever he was drinking.

The man laughed at that and it set Harry off. This man was very clearly sober enough to realize he was taking advantage of Draco, but Harry wasn't going to allow that.

He walked over to the two men, fueled by his own anger, and left his water behind on the bar. "I think it's time for you to go," he warned the other man, stepping in the small space between them with his back to Draco.

The prick just smiled at Harry. "Thats exactly what we were intending to do. Isn't that right, Draco?"

Harry spared a glance at Draco to find that he suddenly seemed very tired. Up close Harry could see the bags under his eyes and the worry in his eyes, things someone who didn't know him so well would've missed entirely. "Potter, what're you doing?" Draco pinched the bridge of his nose.

Things seemed to connect in asshole's brain and realization showed in his wide-eyed expression. "Potter? Harry Potter? You're . . . Oh ."

Harry ignored him, instead answering Draco's question, still glaring at the now-nervous stranger. "Keeping this prick from taking advantage of you."

"I didn't ask for your help! You weren't even supposed to be here. Would you just leave? I can handle myself." His words were so slurred Harry knew he wasn't in any state to make decisions.

Harry finally turned around. "I'm not going to let you do something you'll regret tomorrow, if you even remember it." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"The goal is not to," he mumbled to himself. "I'm an adult. If I want to go home with him I can, and I do so I will." He tilted his glass back and finished its contents. "Now if you'll excuse me." He pushed past Harry to drag the other man away by the arm, stumbling as he did so. The asshole allowed himself to be pulled away with a sly smirk.

Harry followed them, catching up with a couple quick strides. "Draco, no." He grabbed Draco's arm just above the elbow and pulled him back.

He whirled around to face Harry and paled, looking as if he was about to be sick, but he didn't pause. "What is your problem?" Draco yelled, drawing attention to the three men. Luckily, it was getting late and the bar was nearly empty. Harry noticed then that his coworkers had all left at some point.

"What is your problem?" Harry shot back. "You're getting drunk in public, going home with a stranger. Why are you being so reckless?"

Draco scoffed. "Don't act like you care, Pot—" Draco cut off suddenly and Accio'd a trash bin, puking as soon as it got to him.

"I'm going to go. Draco, you have my number. Call me if you'd like to meet up again, yes?" The other man began to retreat.

"No, don't go," Draco protested, but it was useless because he threw up again as soon as he said it. "See what you did? You ruined my night!" He said once the prick left.

"Yes, because that was all me. I'm sure it had nothing to do with your getting sick." Harry rolled his eyes, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

Deciding he wasn't going to be sick anymore, Draco walked to the pub's exit. "Just go home, Potter. You've done enough for one night."

Harry placed extra galleons on the bar as an apology, then followed Draco. "Oh, no. I'm not going anywhere until I get you home safe. You're in no state to be Apparating yourself." Harry pulled his wand and stepped close to Draco.

"I can Apparate myself home. I'm not that pissed." That was a lie.

Instead of arguing, Harry just wrapped an arm around Draco's waist and Apparated them back to Draco's flat. The moment they arrived, Draco scurried to the bathroom to puke again.

Harry followed him. He opened the cabinet behind the mirror where he knew Draco kept most of his potions. He pulled out some Sober-Up and then wet a towel with warm water. "Here, drink this." He handed Draco—who was seated on the floor in front of the toilet— the Sober-Up.

"Thanks," the blond mumbled, downing the potion in one gulp. He made a sour face at the taste and Harry offered him a cup of water he'd summoned from the kitchen. He sipped at it and then placed it on the counter.

Harry handed him the damp towel to wipe his face, then sat in the floor with Draco with his eyes closed, saying nothing. He wasn't sure how long they sat like that before he broke their heavy silence. "Do you want to tell me what that was about?" He looked at Draco then.

Draco cast his gaze downward and shrugged one shoulder. "I dunno," he murmured.

There was another pause before Harry sighed. "Do you want me to just leave?" Draco had been the one to walk out on him after all. He probably didn't want to see Harry.

"No!" Draco blurted, too loud for the small space. He took a breath and tried again. "I mean, no, I —" Harry noticed tears start to form in Draco's eyes so he moved closer, concerned. Draco allowed Harry to pull him into a hug. "I just can't believe she's gone," he whispered.

"What? Who's gone?" Harry's blood ran cold. He hadn't heard about any deaths recently, but that could be why his friends had prevented him from reading the papers.

Draco sniffled and pulled away from Harry, wiping at the tears that had escaped. "You really don't know?"

Harry shook his head, confused and concerned.

"My mother, she . . ." Draco broke off, unable to say it.

"Oh Merlin, Draco, I had no clue." He knew Narcissa hadn't been well, but he hadn't heard this terrible news. There was no way he'd have been willing to give Draco space if he knew he was suffering. Then it made sense why his friends wouldn't want him to know. He pulled Draco back into his chest. "I'm so sorry."

"I just . . . didn't want to be alone, didn't want to be stuck with my thoughts. I needed a distraction."

Harry could feel Draco's tears wetting his shirt, but he didn't mind. "Hey, it's alright," Harry tried to soothe him. "You're not alone. I'm right here."

Draco sobbed, his whole body shaking as he let himself fall apart in Harry's arms. He adjusted their position so he was sitting between Harry's legs, crying into his chest, his arms wrapped around Harry's neck.

Harry didn't know what to do so he just held him there, rubbing his back gently. "I've got you. It's ok." Minutes went by like this, with Harry just holding Draco and reassuring him that he wasn't alone.

Draco finally calmed down— seeming to be out of tears for the time being—but they stayed in that position on the floor. "Harry?" He said eventually. His voice was small and it broke on the name.

Harry's heart did a flip in his chest—that he pretended not to feel—at hearing Draco call him by his first name. His own heartbreak was not as important as Draco right now. "Yes, love?" The term of endearment was a habit and Harry cursed himself for using it then.

But Draco either didn't notice or didn't mind. "Please, stay with me?" Harry could hear the hope and need in his voice. There was no way he could say no. There was no way he'd ever want to say no to this man.

Harry nodded and squeezed him tighter. "Of course. As long as you need me."

Can also be read here on Ao3

#draco x harry #harry potter #drarry #drarry fanfic #fanfic #adult drarry #microfic #ao3fic #drarry microfic #drarry whump #hurt/comfort #minor character death #drarry angst #drinking

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lhoandbehold · 10 months

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What Does a 100 Hour Work Week in Animation Feel Like So I saw (and commented on) this post remarking on the working conditions on the new Spiderverse film which were less than stellar. I'm not surprised, I was literally talking to animator friends about how it seemed like it was a tough project even as the trailers were coming out. But I think we see news like this break all the time - ah a game got delayed. Don't worry. "Oh the dev team is working 90 hour weeks until it comes out". Red Dead Redemption infamously had a manager brag about 100 hour weeks. Some members of the team on Sonic the Hedgehog did 120 hour weeks to update the model to something with much less human-looking teeth. It's all very abstract. So I thought I might provide a little insight into how different workweeks feel for me. For context, I am an able-bodied high functioning person who is, by all accounts neurotypical, but who still struggles with overstimulation and needs a lot of therapy. If I feel this way, then imagine how someone disabled is faring under the same conditions, and consider how much of a barrier of entry this really is to the industry. Disclaimer: I'm going to be describing a not great work/life balance from a practical point of view. I work a lot. I try not to. I don't always get it right. Please don't think of what you're about to read as how you 'should' be working in the industry. Whenever possible, insist on your rights to rest and live a life outside work.

40hr week - What would be considered a standard workweek. Animation is a thinking heavy job, so I’m usually tired at the end of the week, but I do still have energy to see friends, do personal work, go for walks, work out. I would prefer a shorter week but it’s doable.

50hr week - Probably my personal average if we’re being honest. This is not always due to the animation job itself - for financial reasons, I usually have small sidejobs next to full-time employment and the hours add up. This week works alright so long as I plan them well. Mealpreps, using google calendars to make sure I'm carving out time for workouts, cleaning and a bit of rest.

60hr week - I have spent a lot of months this year pushing 60 hour weeks and let me tell you, I don't like it. I'm tired. Social life and personal projects go on the backburner. I'm less delighted, less inspired. I still work out, but less. Wrists begin to tingle, shoulders sometimes get more sore than I like. If I fail to mealprep I end up spending so much money on prepackaged lunches. I'm processing stress in my dreams, so I often wake up in the middle of the night and lie awake. Light brainfog starts kicking in. I'm more sensitive to things not going my way because I just don't have much energy left to problemsolve anything that isn't work.

70hr week - This is when I personally start considering a schedule to be 'crunch'. For some the number is higher and for some lower, but for me, a 70hr workweek starts to really fray me at the edges. I have time for work, the commute and sleep, and not much else. I try to get in workouts where I can, to avoid my RSI flaring up too badly. I am no longer seeing friends. I am no longer drawing for myself. I'm not reading books. Maybe I watch a youtube video over dinner. It's not a state I can (or should) sustain for very long. 80hr week - This is where I'm hitting my ceiling. I have done this on rare occassions. My personal max is 85 hours of work in a week, and the personal record of maintaining it was 4 weeks, and those weeks were a shitshow. Cannot recommend. Towards the end, my shoulder was on fire and I had recurring headaches. I was doing all of my stretches and still managing the gym, and somehow it was never enough to soothe the RSI symptoms I can otherwise usually manage. The should injury I got during that month still haunts me to this day.

And I cannot stress enough, I never made it to those famed 100 hour weeks. I honestly don't know how anyone manages anything above 60 for an extended period of time. I know people sleep under their desks to avoid commuting time cutting into work hours, but i just feel like the brainfog would render me incapable of making anything good or even passable.

#lho rambles #about the animation industry #tw: overwork #this is not a manual #please don't work like this if you can avoid it

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alarrytale · 3 months

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hi marte💙 I have a question. About this post https://hldailyupdate.tumblr.com/post/712754098003476480/tokyo-tokyo-tokyo-you-having-a-good-time-so

Harry states he loves Japan and intended on staying 5 days but ended uo staying 6 weeks. He said he did a lot of thinking and loved Japan so much.

My question is do you think H and L were on a break then during those weeks? Or did L visit H? Do you happen to know if we ever got Larry in Tokyo? Because I'd like to know how they are a couple when they are separated for so long (especially those 6 weeks) when H was on a break and had no concertd/work. So why not visit Louis?

Hello, anon!

No, i don't think H and L were on a break during those weeks. I think H was on a writing (or ideas or concepts) retreat for his next album, to get new impulses, inspiration, time to think etc. I don't think he was on a vacation, i think it was work. Just a different kind of work than what you and i consider work. If it's true what he's saying about the length of his stay, then i believe it was because he felt inspired and it was a productive trip. When H came back, L suddenly started wearing loads of japanese clothing lol. I think H went shopping for him in Tokyo. So he didn’t visit Louis because he was working himself.

I think there's been rumours of larry in Tokyo, but no sightings or confirmations. Both H and L have expressed their love for Japan and Tokyo, and it's one of their favourite places, so i wouldn't be shocked if they've been there together. I imagine it's one of the few places on earth they can go where they'd be left alone.

They are both closeted and have their own, but seperate careers. Their tour and album process aren’t synchronised either so it's hard to find time together when they're both truly off work. That also means that they go on vacation without each other. They need to take breaks when they can. However most of the time these breaks, vacations aren’t that at all. It's work.

They're both in agreement that it's got to be this way for now. They love each other and are it for each other so why break up? Even if they aren’t in each others vicinity for months, that doesn’t mean they love each other any less. They both want to give each other the freedom to pursue their dreams before they retire and settle down. Their relationship isn't a burden to them. They trust each other and want each other to be successful in their pursuits. They talk to each other everyday and are there for one another, even if they can't be in person. They do spend a significant amount of time together, but it's not always apparent to us fans. They both know how to travel without being seen. It's not ideal for either of them, but it's a choice they've made together. If they broke up they'd both be miserable and have no energy and motivation to excel in their careers. Half the songs (at least) they write are about each other. So, even if it's not ideal it's working for them and they're used to it by now. I wouldn't worry anon, i believe they're fine.

#i've yet to hear a good reason as to why louis and harry should break up #when they love each other and have been in a relationship for nearly 14 years...#larry genuinely happy #Tokyo #solo harry

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