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quietlyimplode · 7 months

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The language of flowers and silent things

Whumptober 2023: Day 15 - I’m fine

Warnings: aftermath of recovery, discussion of red room procedures

Word Count: 2.4k (gif not mine)

Summary: Natasha recovers in Okinawa and tells Clint some of the horrors of her past. The relationship still young; she’s not sure he’s ready to hear it.

A/N: <3

Masterlist

Whumptober Masterlist

OKINAWA

2010

She dreams of drowning.

Water filling her lungs, pressure all around her.

She can’t take a deep breath.

“Breathe,” comes a whisper.

“Breathe.”

But it hurts, no one should be breathing in water.

Her arms are held by the water, a cruel taunt in trying to swim up for air, and she fights it, once, twice, then… arms like lead, she lets the water take her, absorbing her, drowning her.

It hurts, she thinks, but maybe she deserves it, and then sinks into unconsciousness.

She sleeps a lot.

Coulson comes and smooths things over; he pulls strings at the American airbase that Natasha is transferred to, and it allows them to be frank in conversations, rather than understanding half of it.

She wakes and seems to realise she’s in a hospital, looks for Clint and goes back to sleep. Even as they taper down the pain medication, she sleeps just as much.

Clint worries.

They tell him it’s just her body’s way of healing.

He thinks it’s more than that.

It’s worse than the dissociation, or seems to be, because she doesn’t talk to him, doesn’t respond to his questions and just goes through the motions when she is awake.

He doesn’t know what to do.

The nurses come and go, and the doctors give her a cursory check, and every time, she’s asleep.

At 2am, she watches him closely.

“I thought you’d be asleep,” she croaks.

He smiles and touches her hand gently.

“Where else would I go?” he whispers.

He doesn’t want to tell her that sometimes her nightmares make her thrash, and that the nurses are scared of her at nights, that he seems to be the only one to calm her.

He doesn’t tell her that he’s been so worried that he wants to bundle her up and take her away from the hospital because it seems to be causing harm, not to her body but to her mind.

So he just rubs his hands over the top of hers and then kisses it.

“Thank you for staying with me,” she says, staring.

He nods and kisses her hand again.

“Go back to sleep, Nat, I’ll be here.”

She has a fever.

She think he’s someone form the red room.

He spends the night telling her stories again.

Finds facts about the place.

She thinks she’s going to die.

Clint assures her she’s not.

“I want to leave,” she moans to Clint, half conscious and trying to get out of the bed.

A growl passes her lips as she looks around in anger.

“I want to leave,” she says, Clint looking on in sympathy.

“You’ve broken your ribs, a collapsed lung, and are recovering from surgery, as soon as we can ween you from the antibiotics you can go,” the doctor says in frustration.

“I understand hospitals aren’t your favourite place but leaving now, would be detrimental to your health.”

Blatantly, she ignores him.

“Can we go?” she asks, trying again, this time standing.

“Please?”

Clint’s heart pounds.

It feels like a test.

“I’ll take care of her, we have a place nearby, we can come back if there’s anything wrong,” he argues.

He just knows that this place is not good for her.

Nightmares nightly.

Dissociation daily.

They’ve been here almost two weeks and already he can see how much weight she’s dropped, only eating and drink enough to avoid further intervention.

The doctor stares, Natasha already out of bed, trying to pack things into a bag.

He swallows and then nods.

“Fine, but you’re going against medical advice. We can’t keep you here. Come back in three days for a check, and if okay next week, I’ll sign you off for flying,” he starts.

Turning to Natasha, he continues.

“Antibiotics, every 5 hours, with food. No skipping them. Strap your ribs, and keep the cast on your arm. Do not leave the country. They need at least another week. Do you know how painful the flight would be on delicate lungs with the altitude? Let alone flying with broken ribs on a plane? No, I repeat, no skipping the country.”

He turns to the nurse to draw up scripts and turns back.

“Three days.”

Clint nods, apprehension pulling at him, wondering if he’s up to the task of taking care of an injured friend, lover, whatever they are that’s slightly undefined.

“Three days,” he nods back.

“I’m fine,” she growls.

“Just let me help?” he replies, frustrated.

“No, I can do it, I…”

The cereal pours everywhere. Natasha stares at the little pieces going everywhere and he swears he sees her bottom lip trembling. She covers it, swearing instead, but he feels he knows she’s teetering on the edge.

“Go have a shower,” he sighs, “I’ll clean it, and then maybe we can go to the beach?”

She nods, stalking off before he can say another word and he sets to picking up all the tiny pieces.

He’s glad for the separation and the slight time alone, wondering at her capacity and if he needs to seek help from Coulson or Fury.

He knows some of the trauma and difficulties with hospitals, but he also feels he’s missing something. She’s getting better, but also, it’s like nothing he says, nothing he can do is helping.

They go back to the doctor tomorrow and whilst the last day has been better, it feels like it’s going downhill again.

It’s like before, when he first bought her into Shield, maybe not that bad but it feels akin to it.

He wanders into the small bedroom, and finds her sitting on the bed.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

She stares for a moment, then looks to him.

“I can’t have children,” she says abruptly.

It’s so left of field that Clint doesn’t answer straight away.

“I didn’t lie to you, but I didn’t know how to tell you,” she says quickly.

“What?” he says dumbly.

“In the Red Room, they take away your ability to have children. They call it Graduation. They put you in hospital, sedate you, and then celebrate the fact that they’ve just performed major surgery on you with another test. The last time.. The last time I spent so long in hospital was when they took…” she pauses.

“They took my choices. Any choices, for their own reasons and own gains.”

Natasha stares at her hands as she finishes and Clint feels the pieces fall into place.

“Nat…” he says dumbly, sitting next to her on the bed.

“You don’t have to say anything… and if this; whatever this is needs to stop and we can just be partners or not, you can decide that too, I just wanted you to know. I know… the last two weeks, I can’t… I couldn’t hold it together. But this, I think I needed you to know. I needed to tell you. It’s not fair. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a relationship like this and…” she sighs; stopping the tirade as he pulls her into a sideward hug.

“You think, that not being about to have children, that the evilness that others did to you, matter to me? That it would make any difference to how I see you, only to consolidate my view of how brave and strong you are?”

He shakes his head.

“You’re an idiot” he finishes.

She’s silent and he’s worried he’s said something wrong.

“Nat, hospitals - they’re not good for you are they?”

There’s tears that he can see on her face as she shakes her head.

“I should be better than this,” she says, shakily.

“They make me lose time, make me panic, the smell mostly, it becomes all I can think of. Gloves, the sound of the beeping on the machine, I see, hear and smell it and I’m back in the red room.”

There’s so much more that makes sense now, in her reactions at the hospital.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologises, “I didn’t know.”

She shrugs, “what could you have done? You got me out of the there.”

He wants to do more.

“For the record, the whole not being able to have children thing, doesn’t make a difference in how I feel about you. It doesn’t make you any less, and it certainly doesn’t change what this is between us.”

He sighs heavily, hugs her harder, and then stands, offering a hand.

“Tomorrow we have to go back,” he starts, “how will I know what to do for you?”

She frowns, “what do you mean?”

Clint thinks, remembers Coulson, when he was struggling with talking in therapy and words just seemed too hard.

“There’s like a traffic light system,” he ponders, “red for triggered, yellow for getting there and green for okay.”

He pauses feeling like he’s explaining it all wrong.

“I’m explaining this wrong.”

Natasha isn’t stupid, and she’s been in enough therapy that it makes sense to her.

“I have to go?” she says in a small voice, and he doesn’t want to make her with all his heart.

“An hour,” he promises, “a quick check and then we can come back, go to the beach and you can choose dinner.”

Not meeting his eyes, she nods.

“Okay,” she says quietly.

“And if you say red, we can leave, okay?”

She nods, a small movement.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, feeling she wants to talk more but perhaps doesn’t have the words.

“Can we go to the beach,” she asks, “I don’t know how you got this house, or even have it this close to the beach but, I think it helps. It’s like a holiday.”

He smiles.

“It’s pretty cool isn’t it? We are on holiday, by the way. Fury knows we never take leave. We have two more weeks, so there’s not rush on anything. First we just need to get you off the antibiotics, those ribs healed and then we can go back, but because we are on leave, it doesn’t matter.”

There’s a small shift in mood as he tells her this.

“We aren’t going to get fired? You’re not going to get in trouble for staying with me?” she asks.

Clint laughs, derisively.

“You thought they’d fire us?”

She nods, slowly.

“Nat, we are the best two operatives they have, they’re not firing us. In fact, they sent Coulson, who fixed things and then he signed off on the house so we were safe.”

He helps her up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you before, I assumed that you’d assume we were okay, and you’d be on leave.”

Natasha shakes her head, and points to the bathroom.

“Join me?” she asks, pulling her shorts down, and moving away.

He laughs.

“Of course.”

He thinks it’s the ocean that helps to heal.

Small conversations on the Red Room, she indulges him with answering questions, and he only pushes so far.

It’s easier as they’re walking on the sand, to ask the harder ones.

She asks them back, and they grow closer. The time comes to an end and he calls in, Fury and Coulson sending through mission packets to the small house by courier.

Natasha sighs.

“I knew it was coming, but I don’t think I was ready,” she tells him on the last morning.

“This was my first holiday,” she confesses, “and I didn’t hate it.”

He laughs at her.

“I’m glad,” he says, opening his own mission packet and then watching as she opens hers.

“Separate missions,” he says glumly.

She nods, scanning the information.

“What do you know about Tony Stark?”

Clint swallows, he knows the name, just about everyone in the city does.

“Do you mean Iron Man?”

They both laugh, Natasha moving off the couch to grab the paperwork that she’d just picked up.

“It’s my next mission.”

She hands him the envelope and he grabs his.

“I’m going to New Mexico,” he returns.

“Why solo missions?”

He shrugs, grabbing his mug off the table and sitting down next to her.

“I don’t know.”

Natasha frowns.

“I think I just got used for working with someone.”

The last five weeks have certainly done wonders for team building, he thinks.

“Do you think it’s punishment?” Natasha asks.

“Okinawa was a shit show,” Clint admits, “maybe they’re testing us.”

He goes to refill his cup, lifting it to ask her if she wants one as he considers their words.

“Maybe not a test, maybe more that they want to see what we can do alone.”

She scans his paper.

“Avengers Initiative? Mine says that as well.”

Clint sits next to her, grabbing the paper and sighing, “Nah mine’s more boring, there’s a spike in geothermal land, and Fury thinks it’s alien.”

Natasha laughs, and then looks at his face.

“Oh, you’re serious,” she clarifies.

“It’s more about protection of the scientists, if it is alien,” he surmises.

She sits near him, flipping through the paper.

“They’re looking at you, for the Avengers,” she says reading further.

He laughs, easily.

“I think it’s us, they’re likely looking at, who better than an ex carney and a former Red Room graduate?”

She nods, “scraping at the bottom of the barrel, really.”

“Stark is up for it too,” she tells him.

“I’ve got to submit a portfolio, for the undercover shit,” she says, annoyed.

“And be hired.”

Clint smiles as he reads the parameters.

“God, Stark’s going to be a creepy man, isn’t he? He wants evidence of work, and they’ve put that he values modeling here.”

She groans.

“I’m good at taking photos,” he grins.

“Why can’t he be gay? Or married? Why models?” she complains.

“Nat, he’s going to take one look at you and hire you on the spot,” Clint assures.

“Come on, let’s spend our last day here before our flight, and when we get home, I’ll take your photos.”

Natasha stands, the bandages invisible under her top.

“Rich people suck,” she grumbles again.

“I know Fury has only done this to give me extra time, but still, I’d prefer your low ball mission to New Mexico rather than playing politics with Tony Stark and Pepper Potts.”

They make their way out, Clint checking twice that the door is locked.

“You never know,” he says, still grinning, “you might make a new friend.”

“Shut up,” she replies, throwing the car keys at him.

#whumptober2023 #no. 15 #I’m fine #natasha romanoff #clintasha #black widow #clint barton #my fic #hawkeye #natasha romanoff fic #fic recs #clintasha fanfiction #clintasha fanfic #clint barton x natasha romanoff #Natasha Romanoff x Clint Barton #marvel fic #avengers fic #black widow fix #red room

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widowpunx · 2 years

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What if .... Maria Hill Survived Thanos' Blip?

Blackhill Baby Gif Set [Fluff/Angst]

I know how it feels to run around / Chasing dreams and falling down / Holding tears inside so no one knows

But when I look upon your face / See the future, feel your grace / Holding you, and heaven feels so close.

I used to think I'd never change / You woke me up and took my pain

And suddenly I felt like I was home / You pierced the blackened sky above

Your light poured in like morning sun / With every ray of daylight there is hope

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unknowndrone · 8 months

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Yelena’s Diary

Yelena Belova X Fem!Reader

Prompt: Natasha finds Yelena’s diary which results in the contents of the diary getting revealed to you.

WC: 1.7k

Warnings: siblings threatening to kill each other

__________

She should’ve known better. As the greatest spy and assassin in the world with a sibling with a similar title, she should’ve known that unless that diary was sewn to her body, Natasha was somehow going to get her grubby hands on it.

“Give it back, Natasha!” She hisses.

They were like school girls, things that Yelena would only ever see happening in the American TV shows, not between two assassins. Natasha flips through the pages, while simultaneously dodging Yelena’s efforts to retrieve the book.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. How many chapters are you going to spend complaining about the team and complimenting Y/N?” she questions.

“Natasha, I am not afraid to stab you!” the younger sister threatens.

“Do it,” Natasha challenges. “I bet you’d love to explain to Y/N why you felt the need to stab her favorite Black Widow.”

“-you are not her favorite Black Widow!”

“Just because you wrote it in your diary doesn’t mean it’s actually true-”

“Stop it!” Yelena screams once more. This time she pounces on to her sister’s shoulders. Natasha wildly spins knowing that Yelena was seconds away from putting her into a choke hold before throwing Yelena on to the bed.

Natasha paces away, flipping through the pages and gaining a few more paragraphs before her sister would rush to attack once more. “Who taught you to draw a heart like that, Lena?”

The younger widow pouts. “Give it back, Natasha!”

That’s the thing about older siblings. They’re a menace.

At this point, the two widows were running through the compound. The blonde chasing the red head with no one to stop them. No one except-

The elevator door opens, revealing you. You just returned from your mission only to see Natasha trying to evade Yelena who looked ready to murder her. You raise your eyebrow, noticing how they were far too busy trying to fight each other that they didn’t hear the elevator door.

Your eyes dart to see Steve walking past you with a book in his hand. Tapping his shoulder to get his attention, you gesture towards the widows. “What happened?”

Steve only lets out a laugh, shaking his head. “Yelena’s been chasing Nat for hours.” He explains before leaving you to your thoughts.

As amusing as it is to watch the two widows play a game of cat and mouse, you figured that it was time for the two to reconcile as you carefully approach them, making sure not to get too close just in case Yelena decides to throw a knife at Natasha and you aren’t able to dodge it in time.

Eventually you get close enough, crossing your arms, fighting the amused smirk that was forming at your lips. When you let out a cough, the fight instantly stops. Natasha smiles brightly when she sees you, almost too brightly. Meanwhile, Yelena looks more horrified than she is happy. Part of your heart wrenches as to why she looks so disheartened to see you. She was always happy to see you.

“That’s enough fighting for you two, don’t you think?” You suggest, eyes darting between Yelena and then Natasha.

Natasha glances at Yelena, nodding, “I agree.” Her response only earns another glare from the blonde widow.

“How was your mission?” Yelena asks you.

You shrug, “Standard.” Your eyes catch at what seems like a journal in Natasha’s hand. “I didn’t know you journal, Nat.”

Natasha holds the book up, the smile on her face becoming more mischievous. “Oh me? Oh no,this isn’t mine. This is-”

“Natasha stop! Don’t you dare ruin this for me!” Yelena hisses.

But just before Natasha can say anything, Yelena pounces on her. Your eyes widen at the violence and Yelena’s sudden persistence. You knew if you didn’t act now, the floors of the Avengers facility might be painted red. So your arms grab Yelena’s shoulders and you pull her until her back is flushed against you.

“That’s enough!” you bark, trying to get the two siblings to stop.

Yelena almost instantly relaxes in your hold. It wasn’t your first time holding her. In fact, you’ve hugged her many times before whether it be before missions when you return home from missions or whenever she’s upset. Your touch was like an instant sedative.

This one especially.

Natasha sighs in relief, but her hand was still clutching the book. When she meets eyes with her sister, she notices how Yelena almost looks like she melted into a pool of her own love for you. Regardless, you pull Yelena away, dragging her to her room before things get worse.

“Oh here’s your book Yelena…” Natasha teases, handing the book to her sister. Yelena quickly snatches it before you could get your hands on it. You know better than to ask questions seeing how pissed Yelena was. You figured that you would have a chat with Natasha as to why she’s going through her sister’s belongings later. For now, you need to make sure Yelena has cooled down.

The two of you are now sitting in your room. Yelena is laying in bed while you are getting changed into more comfortable clothes. The book is held protectively over her chest. It seems to be super glued to her like she didn’t want anyone seeing what was inside.

“So…is there anything in that private journal I don’t know about?” you tease while slipping on your pajamas.

The blonde blushes profusely, “no,” she speaks a little too quickly.

“I’m not pushing, Lena. I was just curious,” you shrug. “You’re allowed to have your own private thoughts.”

Yelena looks at you for a while. She’s been doing that a lot recently where you would notice her gaze on you seemed to linger longer than expected. It made you curious at what was going through her little head.

Eventually, you plop yourself on the bed next to her and, like many other nights before, you two bask in each other’s presence. You found her shoulder comforting, so you lay your head there, too, observing her reaction intently. To your surprise, you feel her muscles visibly tense for a moment before easing into your warmth.

“Is everything okay?” you ask her suddenly.

“Everything is fine,” the assassin dismisses. “Just stop talking…”

Of course, her dismissive attitude made you just slightly more worried. Yelena was your best friend. The only time she was ever like this is when she’s afraid of something but she’s too scared to tell you. Just like the time she was secretly afraid of the sound of thunder so she actively avoided Thor and also tended to blast your music louder than usual during a storm. You knew just as well as Natasha when something was wrong with Yelena.

“You can tell me,” you whisper in the silence.

“I can’t.” Yelena whispers back, her voice small. “This is different. I-I can’t share it with you.”

You pout, looking over your shoulder to see her expression. “Why?”

“Because it’s not a good idea.”

You frown, “Do you not trust me?”

“This is different,” Yelena emphasizes more. “It will change how you look at me.”

A sigh escapes your lips as you lean into her shoulder more. “If it’s another assassination regret, you know I would never-”

“No…it’s not that.”

“But it’s bothering you,” you reason.

“No it’s not.”

You know better than to keep questioning Yelena knowing she wasn’t going to relent so you two continue to sit through the silence. You would give many things just to see what was going through her head right now or what was written in that journal of her’s that she wasn’t allowing you to see.

Part of your heart might know, but your brain looked at your denial and turned it into cold hard facts.

“If you started dating someone else, would you leave me?” Yelena asks suddenly.

“What?”

The blonde assassin nods slowly, “Would you forget about me?”

“Why would I forget about you? You’re my best friend-”

The word ‘best friend’ seems to only upset Yelena further in the way her eyes fall. You see it right away and you stop talking.

Yelena sniffles. “I don’t want to be your best friend. I want you to like me. You know? The one where you draw hearts around our names!” she blurts.

Your jaw goes slack for a moment in complete disbelief. “Y-Yelena…”

The blonde turns away from you, not wanting to face you or the consequences of her words. But you are quick to put a hand on her shoulder.

“Lena look at me…” you whisper gently.

Slowly, she turns, but her eyes don’t quite meet yours. “I ruined everything, right?”

A soft laugh escapes your lips as you shake your head. “No…no you didn’t. Would it be hard for you to believe if I said I liked you back?”

It takes a moment for the blonde to process. She didn’t even think she heard you right the first time. “M-me?”

You nod slowly, “yes you, dummy.”

If she wasn’t so enamored by the realization, she would be pouting, but hearing you say those words cause her eyes to light up like a Christmas tree. You pull her close to you.

“I like you too, Lena. I was also scared that if I told you I would ruin things,” you admit.

“Really?” Yelena questions in disbelief.

You nod slowly, “Really…”

You feel Yelena lean into your touch which allows you to press a soft kiss to her forehead. You couldn’t help but notice the smile that paints the blonde assassin’s face. It was like a schoolgirl who just found out her crush liked her back.

As you both enjoy each other’s company, another thought crosses your mind. “Wait Yelena what did you put about me in your diary?”

Yelena starts blushing as she buries her head into your shoulder. “Nothing.”

“Do you draw hearts around our names?” you tease.

“Stop it-”

“Will you let me see what you write about me in your diary?”

“No.” she says firmly, burying her head more into your shoulder.

For the rest of the night, the two of you enjoy each other’s company. A smile painted on both of your faces.

__________

OKay guyyysss i got hella lazy at the ending bc I couldn’t think of shit, but I hope you enjoy this anyway. Also, I totally havent had this sitting in my files for like 8 months...I hope everything is well with yall. Have a great day/night and rest well!

#yelena belova x reader #yelena belova imagine #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #yelena belova x fem!reader #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #fic: medium #fix your window idiot

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fixing-bad-comic-art · 9 months

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Gave her thicker limbs and more realistic proportions; fixed up her costume so it doesn’t look painted on; gave her some actual shoes instead of whatever footie-pajama thing she had going on (campbell does that often); and tried to make her facial expression slightly more serious and not so cookie-cutter.

submitted by @the-beacons-of-minas-tirith

#submission #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff #black widow #marvel #marvel comics #j scott campbell #misogyny in comics #sexism in comics #bad comic art #fixing bad comic art #fixes #not my fix

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nocek · 1 year

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well hello there, please don't mind me using valentines as motivator to at least finish this lineart (but hey, it worked!)

now time for colors and trying to pull of complicated shadows.... yeah. that's going to not be as fun as this part >.<

#buckynat #winterwidow #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #winter soldier #black widow #liho the cat #alpine the cat #lineart #wip #the drop in quality of likeness and cat anatomy is because I was lazy this time around to go look for references and fix the sketch #which you can see flipping between sketch and lineart #which is stupid because why put hella hours into doing it on weak fundation #but well you can also be impatient with doing time consuming things i guess #also being a lazy dumbass #but still had a blast linearting it :3 #but for now i actually have basic flat colors for characters #(because i did them before doing background which is also technically a bad idea but whatever)#but I have plan to try to pull off bisexual lighting on them #which i know is a bad idea because busy coloring with busy lineart is going to be a desaster #but that actually alleviates some of the stress #it's just experiment :D

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arlana-likes-to-write · 1 year

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How Do I Say Good-bye by Dean Lewis

Holy cow two posts in two days! I guess that what happens when I get over my writer’s block lol.

The Adventure of Y/n Barton and Yelena Belova - Master post

Summary: After 5 years, the Avengers come together to rewrite the wrong that happened in Wakanda. What happens when your father returns from the time heist without the one person that was your constant for 5 years?

Warnings: major character death (sort of), angst, grief, guilt, mention of death

Word count: 5.6k

“Clint, where’s Nat?” You heard Bruce ask your father. You looked up from the book you were reading to calm your nerves while you waited for everyone to return. The spot next to your father was empty. He was on his knees showing an orange rock in his hands. He looked around the circle and his eyes landed on you. Your heart began to beat, you wondered if they could hear it in the silent room. Thud. Thud. Thud. The organ pounded against your ribcage. You saw mouths moving but their words weren’t registering to you. The room felt incredibly small. You jumped out of your chair, it fell to the ground but you didn’t bother to fix it. You took off running towards the door. By the time the New York Sun hit your face, you shifted to a husky. You felt the grass on your hands and feet as you sprinted to the dock that rested on the pound. Staring into the reflection into the water, you shifted back. Your jaw clenched as you kept the tears that threatened to fall at bay. The calmness and isolation only lasted a moment as you heard footsteps joining you. You knew who it was without looking over your shoulder. Your father knelt down next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. It was supposed to be an act of comfort but you flinched away. You stood up and leaned against a wooden post.

“Yelena was part of the Blip, right?” Tony asked, breaking the heavy silence. Your already broken heart shattered more at the mention of the blonde Black Widow. You felt sick.

“Yeah,” You said, finding your voice. It was shaky. You cleared your throat and hugged yourself. Your father was standing now, looking down at the wooden deck. Bruce was looking out towards the water as Steve and Tony were sitting on the bench. The God of Thunder was the only one not standing still. He was pacing. “Alexei and Melina are in St. Petersburg. We’ll or I’ll tell them.” You spoke with the Black Widow’s adoptive family a handful of times. Natasha tried to call them every once in a while to settle their nerves. But you knew the Russian needed a reminder of family, someone other than you. Thor stopped pacing and looked at you.

“What?” He questioned. You hummed questionably. “What are you doing?” The question directed at you got the attention of your father. The god closed the distance between you. You scrunched your nose as he reeked of alcohol. “You're acting like she’s dead. Why are we acting like she’s dead?” He asked, facing the group. “We have the stones, right? As long as we have the stones we can bring her back.” He faced you again. “Stop this shit. We are the Avengers.” He took another step towards you. If your back wasn’t already against a pole, you would have moved back to create more space between you and the God. “Get it together.”

“Step away from my kid.” Clint said. The God held your gaze. “We can’t bring her back.” Thor finally looked away from you and towards your father. “It can’t be undone.” You looked down at the dock. “It can’t.” Thor laughed.

“No offense but you are all very earthly beings, okay, and we’re talking about space magic and can’t seems very definitive. Don’t you think so?” You closed your eyes as they burned with unshed tears.

“Look I know that I’m way outside my pay grade here but she still isn’t here, is she?” Clint yelled. “It can’t be undone or that’s at least what the red, floating guy had to say. Maybe you wanna go talk to him, okay? Go grab your hammer and you go fly and you go talk to him.” He paused. You glanced up, looking at your family. Steve had a few tears running down his cheeks. Bruce ripped off a bench and threw it across the water. “It was supposed to be me.” Your head snapped to look at your father. He looked at anything and everything besides you. But you could see the tears in his eyes. “It should have been me.” He confessed again, this time looking at you. You were going to be sick. “She sacrificed herself for those goddamn stones. She put her life on it. We have to make it count.”

“We will.” Steve said.

“Wait,” you said, holding your hands up. “Are we going to gloss over the fact that he just said he was going to sacrifice himself for that stupid rock?” No one said anything.

“Y/n.” Clint said, slowly taking a step towards you.

“No,” You said, putting your hand up. “I am this close to losing my mind.” You rubbed your hands against your face. “For 5 years I was with her. I watched her mourn for Wanda, for Vision, for everyone.” You yelled. “I watched as she tried to keep the world together.” You looked at your father. “As she tried to bring you home.” You pointed to him. “And none of you were there.” You closed your eyes as your lips trembled. You knew it was unfair to spill these words at them. They all dealt with the Blip in their own way. But you were hurting and in pain and the one person that you were able to turn to for 5 years wasn’t there. You opened your eyes. “So yeah we’ll bring everyone back. But the one person who wanted it more than anything won’t be here to see it.”

You sat in your room while the others came up with the last touches on the plan to bring everyone back. You were resting your back against the headboard with a few polaroids you had taken over the years. They mostly consisted of you and Natasha making a mess in the kitchen. “Why did you leave us all behind?” You asked the photos. You didn’t know how to say goodbye to someone you’ve known your whole life. There was so much you wanted to say but there was no time.

“Knock, knock,” Your door opened and you watched as Steve came in, closing the door behind him. He sat on the edge of your bed. Steve was the only ‘non-active’ member of the team you saw constantly.

“I didn’t say you could come in.” You deadpanned, not looking away from the photos.

“No, but we both no you can’t say no to this face.” He managed to pull a smile out of you and you rolled your eyes. You bit the inside of your cheek.

“It’s not fair.” You finally whispered. “It’s not fair they both had to go there because no matter what I’d be losing someone I cared about.” You looked up at him. “She was my life line.” You hated the usage of ‘was’.

“And you were her’s.”

“How do I tell Yelena or Wanda?” You asked. “How do I look them in the eye and explain to them it was either her or my father?” Steve sighed.

“I don’t know, kid.” He answered honestly. “But you won’t have to do it alone.” Alone? You had the two things that you and Natasha dreamt about for 5 years, a way to rewrite the loss and the compound full of people. But she wasn’t here to see it. Your door opened and your father stepped in.

“Tony and Bruce finished the gauntlet,” he said. “Just waiting on you Cap.” Steve nodded and stood up. Clint took Captain America’s spot. The air in your room became suffocating. “I’m sorry.” He said. You looked at the man in front of you. He has changed so much since the last time you saw him.

“Sorry about what?” You questioned.

“I’m sorry I’m sitting here and she’s not.” Your jaw clenched as anger swept through you.

“That’s not -” You let out a shaky breath to calm your nerves. “Let’s just bring everyone back.” You stood up from your bed before putting a random photo into your pocket. It was one of Natasha decorating Christmas cookies and she was covered in flour. You left your room not even looking back at your father.

You walked into Tony’s lab while Bruce was walking over to the gauntlet as it rested on the table. “You saw what those stones did to Thanos.” He said, his voice was surprisingly calm. “They almost killed him. None of you could survive that.”

“How do we know you will?” You asked, making your presence known. Bruce picked it up and looked at you.

“We don’t.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. You ignored the look from your father. “But the radiation is mostly gamma.” He continued. “It was like I was made for this.” The Avengers looked around the room at one another as no one said anything to talk Bruce out of it. You bite your lip, keeping the snarky comments at bay. You needed all of them together, not fighting against each other because you were pissed off.

“Alright,” Tony said. “Remember everyone Thanos snapped away five years ago, you're just bringing them back now.” he gestured to the room. “Today. Don’t change anything from the last five years.”

“Got it.” He said, looking at the stones. You didn’t like this. A knot formed in your stomach. Everyone formed a circle around the doctor. Thor pushed Rocket behind him. Rhodey and Scott activated their helmet. Steve motioned for you to join him, the super soldier covered you with his shield. He gave you a reassuring smile but you couldn’t return it, you were too focused on Bruce.

“FRIDAY,” Tony said, activating his own suit and producing a shield to cover him and your father. “Do me a favor and activate the Barn Door Protocol, will you?”

“Yes boss.” The AI answered. You looked around as the glass roof was blocked by an additional metal roof. The same metal material covered the windows of the lab. You gulped and grabbed onto Steve’s arm.

“Everybody comes home.” Bruce said, putting it on. As soon as the gauntlet formed around his hand, the stones powered up. A surge of electricity ran through his arm and he fell to his knees with a pained groan.

“Take it off. Take it off.” Thor pleaded. Steve held up his hand.

“No wait,” he said. “Bruce, are you okay?” He didn’t answer as he was groaning in pain. Your eyes widened.

“Talk to me, Banner.” Tony said. He nodded.

“I’m okay,” he did not look okay. He looked the opposite of okay. “I’m okay.” He said again. You weren’t sure if he was trying to reassure everyone or himself. He yelled as he lifted his hand and snapped his fingers. Bruce fell onto his back as the gauntlet came off. You and your father were the first to move. Clint kicked the stones away from Bruce as you fell to your knees next to him. His arm was badly burned.

“No one move him.” Tony said. He used his suit to spray some sort of cooling spray onto Bruce’s arm. Bruce grabbed your arm with his non-injured hand. At any other time you would be worried if the Hulk grabbed onto you but it was different. You put your hand on his.

“Did it work?” Bruce asked.

“We’re not sure,” Thor said. “It’s okay.” You watched as the windows opened and Scott walked out. Birds chirping filled the quietness. That quietness was broken as you and your father’s phone went off. You stood up, walked away from the group and pulled out your cell phone and gasped. “Lila,” you said, answering the phone. You vaguely heard your father answer his phone with a soft, “Honey.”

“Y/n? Where are you? What is going on? I don’t understand.” She asked.

“Guys,” Scott said. “I think it worked.” You blocked out your sister’s rambling as the sun shining down was blocked. The hairs on your neck stood up.

“Take cover!” You yelled but it was too late. The blast sent you flying and the world went dark.

Your ears were ringing as your exhausted body slumped to the ground. The ruins of the compound were settling. Thanos was gone. Everyone was back and on paper you’ve won. But there was an ache in your chest as you watched Shuri work on Tony, trying to save him. You pulled out the picture from your pocket. The edges were ripped and it was covered in dirt but you didn’t care. You heard your name. It was distant and echoed as if you were sinking underwater. “Y/n!” It was much clever now as you looked up and saw Wanda running over to you. You didn’t have time to process it as she threw herself into your arms. You let out a pained groan. “I’m sorry.” She said, letting you go but she cupped your face in her hands. “Five years.” She said, “Strange said it’s been 5 years.”

“Wanda.” You said slowly.

“I don’t believe it. I don’t understand. We were here on second and it felt like no time passed.” You said your friend’s name again but it didn’t cut through her rambling. “Natasha. I need to find her.” The mention of your godmother’s name almost broke the dam you’ve been trying to keep up.

“Wanda.” You said a little bit louder. The urgency in your voice stopped the rambling. Your voice got the attention of Clint and Steve and they talked over to you.

“Where is Nat?” She asked. You looked down and removed one of her hands from your face to your temple. Her fingers began to glow and you felt her magic but she still waited for your consent. You nodded as her magic entered your memories. You showed her everything. The hundreds of movie marathons you had, late night meetings, and the days you found the Black Widow training to the brink of exhaustion so she couldn’t dream of the Battle of Wakanda. You showed her every laugh and every tear shed. Finally, you showed her when your father returned without her girlfriend by his side. She pulled back her magic and clutched her hand to her chest. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. “No,” she whispered. “She can’t be gone.” You pulled her into a tight hug as you felt her tears against your skin and her hands twisted in the fabric of your shirt. You closed your eyes.

I’ll make sure she’s alright, you promised.

A week. That was how long everyone decided to regroup back at Tony’s cabin to have a small service for those lost. It gave everyone enough time to regroup with their loved ones and heal from their wounds, especially Tony who survived because of the Wakandans. So you sat in the back of the car, head resting on the window as Clint drove back to the farm. Wanda was in the front seat. Clint insisted on her staying at the farm, you wondered if his guilt was eating at him. Soon the two story building you haven’t called home began to appear. The sound of the approaching vehicle alerted your mom and siblings as the front door opened and they came running out. Your father parked the car and turned it off. Once again, their voices were distorted. You vaguely heard Wanda say, “I got her.” It was your only warning before she opened your door. Her cheeks were still stained with tears and the smile she was wearing was forced. You wondered why you haven’t cried. You felt the tears but they wouldn’t fall. You felt numb. Crying for her made it real. “Hey,” Wanda said softly. “Your mom really wants to see you.” You looked over her shoulder and saw the tearful reunion between Clint and Laura. Natasha never told you in detail the crimes he committed as the Ronin. But you knew the blood shed had to be intense. You remembered one night sneaking out of your room to find Natasha at her desk trying to pinpoint a lead on where your father was. She had photos of bodies left behind. “Malen’kiy yastreb (little hawk).” Natasha’s nickname for you snapped you out of your thoughts. You looked at the Solovkian. Her faced showed the pained expression as she ventured into your mind. “Do you want to talk about it?” You shook your head, closing your mind to her.

“No.” You said. There was too much going on for you to unload something else onto her. You got out of the car and mindlessly walked over to your family with Wanda close behind. Lila was the first to see you coming and broke away from everyone into a sprint. You caught her in your arms and fell to the ground. “I’ve missed you so much.” You whispered.

“I thought you were dead,” she said. “When I heard that explosion on the phone, I thought the worst.” You squeezed her tighter. You could feel her heartbeat against yours, it was erratic. You slowed down your own breathing so she could match yours. Her heart calmed down.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” You promised. You watched as your mom walked over to you, silent tears on her face. You let go of your sister, who went to hug Wanda.

“My baby girl,” She said. “You’ve grown up.” You stood up, folding your hands in front of you.

“5 years.” You said. “A lot happens in that time.” Laura let out a small sop and brought you into a hug.

“I’m so sorry.” You tensed up in her arms. She wasn’t the one you wanted an apology from. Once she let go of you, you gave a big hug to Cooper.

“Where is Aunty Nat?” Nathaniel asked, as you knelt down to his level to give him a hug. Your stomach dropped.

“Let’s go inside.” Clint said. You stood up as everyone headed inside. Your father had his arms around your siblings and Wanda was holding onto your mom like a lifeline. You looked up at the blue sky.

“How do I say goodbye?” You asked. “You gave Natheniel his name and you always saw what’s best in me.” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

You stepped into your room, drying your hair with a towel. A shower was desperately needed after you caught up the rest of your family on what happened in the years they missed. You kept it PG, not wanting you siblings to learn who their father became. You were going to leave it to him to tell his wife. To your surprise Wanda fell asleep on the couch. You wrapped a blanket around her. Clint wanted to spend time together as a family but you wanted to be alone. You laid down on your bed, hair still wet but you didn’t care. It was weird. For 5 years, all you wanted was for people to be around but now that they were back you wanted to retreat. You wanted to crawl back into the bubble you created. You closed your eyes, hoping that you could dream away the past 10 hours. But the shrill sound of your phone ringing caused you to open your eyes. You were surprised it survived the fight but STARK INDUSTRIES made the best for a reason. You let it go to voicemail, it was probably an old school friend from school but you didn’t have the energy to deal with them. But your phone rang again. With a sigh, you stood up and grabbed your phone.

“Fuck,” You mumbled falling back onto your bed as you read Yelena’s name on the caller ID. Clearing your dry throat, you answered the call. “Yelena, hi.” Your voice was surprisingly steady.

“Where is she?” She asked. She sounded on the verge of tears. “Where is Natalia?”

“Why don’t you come to Iowa?” You countered. You knew it was best for this conversation to happen in person. It also allowed Yelena to not be alone.

“Iowa.” She said, slowly. “Is my sister in Iowa?”

“Well no but -”

“Then I won’t be going to Iowa.” She cut you off. The anger was replacing the tears. “So, where is she?” You took a steady breath. Your heart was beating in your chest again. Thud. Thud. Thud.

“She’s gone.” You said. “She’s dead. Natasha sacrificed herself to bring everyone back.” You explained everything to her. Staring with Thanos and his radical idea and how he planned to accomplish it. The battle at Wakanda and how the Avengers lost, resulting in half of the population losing 5 years. She didn’t say anything and half the time you thought she hung up but you heard her breathing. “We are having a service for her and a few others in a week. I can send you the address.” She still remained silent. “Yelena, please say something.”

“You got so much time with her.” You nodded even though she couldn’t see it.

“I know and I’m so sorry. I’m here for you.” She laughed bitterly.

“That’s not going to bring her back.”

“Yelena -” The line went dead. You redialed her number but the call went straight to voicemail. “Dammit.” You slammed your hand against your bed. Your room became suffocating, claustrophobic. Your lungs didn’t want to take in oxygen. You jumped off your bed and ran out of your room.

“Y/n.” Clint said as you ran past him. The commotion woke up Wanda but you didn’t care. You kept running until you reached the barn and fell to your knees. The dam was breaking. You could see the cracks forming and your breathing was erratic. Bile was moving up your throat. You were going to be sick.

“Sweetheart,” Your mom’s voice was breaking through the fog. You felt her hand on your back slowly drawing circles. “Breathe for me. In and out. In and out.” You copied her and soon your breathing evened out. You sat back, pulling your knees to your chest.

“Yelena called me.” You said. “I had to tell her that the sister she just got back is gone.” You shook your head. “It’s not fair. It’s-” You stopped yourself.

“You have to let it out.” She said, “Holding it in is going to make it worse.” You couldn’t. You couldn’t tell her what you were feeling because you didn’t know. Everything was all mixed up. “He told me.” You looked up into your mother’s eyes. “Your father. He told me what happened, all those years we were gone.” Ronin. It was the name given to him as he took justice in his own hands. Ronin. Ronin. Ronin. “Say what you need to say.”

“I want her back. But if I say that does that mean I wish my dad was the one to go?” You cleared your throat. “I don’t know how to say goodbye to her and I’m scared of what life is going to be like without her. She was all I had for 5 years and now.” You looked down. “And now she’s gone. She’s gone, mom. Why does she have to be gone?” Something inside you snapped. The dam broke and you cried. Laura caught you in her arms and held you tight as you sobbed. “How could she leave us all behind?”

The week leading up to the service flew by. You lived in a blur, things were just happening around you as you cared for those around you. You were a shoulder to cry on for Wanda and read stories to Nathaniel when his dreams haunted him. When sleep evaded you, you found Clint nursing some bourbon in the kitchen. You joined him, not speaking to one another. It was exhausting, this weird dance you were playing with him.

You were sitting on the porch, looking up at the night stairs. You were leaving for New York in the morning and you needed sleep but it was evading you. You wrapped the blanket tighter around you. Late night talks under the night stars were some of your favorite memories with Natasha. You learned quickly that the Black Widow didn’t know where the constellations were and the stories behind them. It made you feel special that you knew something that your godmother didn’t. So you began to show them to her and tell their stories. “Mind if I join you?” You yelped at the sudden voice and stared at the blonde Russian standing in front of you.

“Yelena,” You knew she asked you a question. She was waiting for your permission but your brain was trying to register her sudden appearance. “Yeah, of course.” She sat down next to you, rubbing her hands together. You gave her some of the blanket. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you know where I live.” She gave you a sad smile.

“Natasha gave me the address before I left the compound. She said,” her voice cracked. “She said I’d always be welcomed here, that I’d be safe.”

“She was right.” You sat in silence, allowing the gentle breeze and the crickets to tell their story. Yelena was looking up at the stars, dark circles under her eyes. “I was worried about you.” You finally said. “I tried calling you but the call went straight to voicemail.” She nodded.

“I broke my phone. I got a new one with a new number.” You laughed.

“That would make sense.” You watched as the Russian smile. “She talked about you all the time.” You watched as her shoulders tense up. “She was so proud of you. She loved you so much and just wanted you to be safe.” In the moonlight you saw tears leaving her eyes and running down her cheeks.

“It shouldn’t have gone this way. If I was there, I could have stopped it. I could have..I could have changed it.”

“Nothing was going to stop her, Yelena. You know Natasha.” She let out a soft sob, bringing her closed fist to her mouth. You’ve had the same thoughts. What if you conceived the team to be a part of the time heist? Could you have stopped her? “She made her choice.” You said to her echoing the same words your mom and father said to you. “We’re gonna have to find a way to live with it.”

“I loved her so much.” She confessed, looking at you. You nodded.

“Me too.” You whispered, smiling at her. “Me too.” Yelena shivered as a gust of wind blew through. “Come on.” You said, standing up and holding out her hand. “Stay the night. Please.” She hesitated but took your hand and got to her feet. You brought her inside. “We have a full house but uh you can bunk with me or you can have my room and I can sleep on the couch or..”

“The couch is fine.” She said, cutting you off with a smile.

“Right.” You blushed. “I’m upstairs, first door on your left. Come get me if you need anything.” She nodded. Without thinking, you grabbed her hand again. She looked down at your connected hands. “Anything, I mean it.” You squeezed her hand. “Good night Yelena.”

“Goodnight Y/n.” You let go of her hand and walked upstairs to your room. You were surprised to feel a weight lifted off your chest as you climbed into bed. Finally sleep came easy for you.

A gently knock woke you up. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and walked over to your door. Once again you were surprised to see Yelena standing there. Her cheeks were stained with fresh tears. You pulled the emotional Black Widow into your room and down onto your bed. “Nightmare?” She didn’t have to answer for you to know. “I’m pretty cold.” You said. “I can’t really sleep when I’m cold. Can you sleep in here tonight?” You pulled your sheets back. You had a queen size bed so you had the space. The entire time Yelena was watching you carefully. You sighed. “When was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know.” She whispered. You nodded.

“We both need sleep.” You said, climbing under the covers. “The choice is yours obviously but here you're safe.” You laid down and closed your eyes.

Yelena stared at your sleeping form, extremely conflicted on the emotions running through her. She woke up from a nightmare she’s had before but when she woke up, a scream almost left her lips, you were her first thought. A stranger. Someone she barely knew. But she felt safe and at a sense of peace. Natasha was right, Bartons were a unique group of people. Natalie. Yelena bit her lip and rubbed the tears out of her eyes. She missed her sister so much. The Russian crawled underneath your blanket. She was surprised how warm you were, it lured her into a dreamless sleep.

The service was exhausting. Everyone said kind words about Natasha, Vision, and everyone that gave their lives to protect the world. You were more focused on Yelena during the entire service, who barely said a word. As it came to a close, you were standing with Bruce at the time machine. He was getting it ready to send someone to bring the stones back. “Let me be the one to put the stones back.” His head snapped to look at you, you were surprised it didn’t give him whiplash.

“Are you insane?” He asked. “Your father would kill me if we sent you back.” You rolled your eyes at the doctor. Your father was a lot of things but there was no way he’d be able to take on the Hulk.

“Bruce, please, I want to help. I didn’t do anything last time and -” Your voice trailed off. Bruce gently placed his hand on your shoulder.

“I get it kid. But it’s far too dangerous.” You sighed, knowing he was right.

“Who's going then?” He gestured over your shoulder and you turned around. Steve changed out of his suit and into his Captain America uniform. He had a small briefcase in one hand and his shield in the other. He was talking with Wanda and Yelena. You were too far to hear what they were saying but whatever Steve said made them smile. It was nice to see. After the service, you watched as your father, Yelena, and Wanda walked by the water’s edge. You wanted to give them some space so that’s how you ended up with Bruce.

“I tried to bring her back.” He said. You looked back at him, he was tinkering with the machine. He could only use one arm as the arm he used to snap was in a sling. “When I had the gauntlet and the stones I thought I could bring her back.” He shrugged. You weren’t sure how to respond as you knew the relationship between the doctor and Black Widow was complicated. “I miss her.” You could relate to that.

“Yeah, I miss her too.”

“Everything all set?” Steve asked, walking up next to you. In place of his shield, he was holding Mjolnir. The sound of leaves crunching behind you was the indication that people were walking behind you, a quick glance and you saw Bucky and Sam. Sam was holding onto Steve’s shield.

“All set Cap.” Before he moved onto the platform, you grabbed onto his arm.

“What are you doing?” You asked. He gave you a confused look.

“Bring the stones back.” He said simply. You let go of his arms. You didn’t believe him. Something didn’t feel right. He stepped onto the platform. You couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong, it was a feeling deep in your stomach.

“Remember,” Bruce said. “You have to return the stones to the exact moment you got’em or you’re gonna open up a bunch of nasty alternative realities.”

“Don’t worry Bruce.” He hit his sleeve and his Captain America suit changed into the white tech suit.

“How long is this going to take? “ Sam asked. You bit your cheek. You were experiencing major deja vu and it was not a good one.

“For him, as long as he needs. For us, five seconds.” Bruce answered. “All right, we’ll meet you back here, okay?” He looked directly at you. His blue eyes looking onto yours. With a smile, he nodded his head.

“You bet.” His helmet went on.

“Going quantum in three…” Your heart started to beat. “Two.” You couldn’t lose anyone else. “One.” Steve disappeared. You held your breath. “And returning in five, four, three, two, one.” Bruce turned a switch. You heard it click but the platform was empty. You looked at Bruce who was looking at a small screen. Where is he? Panic started to spread through you.

“Where is he?” Sam asked. “I’m not sure.” You couldn’t do this again. Natasha. Vision. Hell you almost lost Tony.

“Well bring him the hell back.” Bruce pressed a few buttons and the machine came back to life. It was as if you blinked because the empty platform had two figures on it both wearing the white tech suits. You knew one was Steve as his helmet disappeared and you heard Sam and Bucky yelling at him for making them worry. But your attention was on whoever Steve brought back. Their helmet disappeared and you gasped.

“Natasha.”

________

Did we notice some moments from Hawkeye? So you may be asking yourself, Arlana does the TV series Hawkeye happen in this AU? The answer is yes and I will be writing it for one of my Christmas one shots!

Hope you enjoyed this. If you like my writing and want to support me buy me a coffee.

#The Adventure of Y/N Barton and Yelena Belova #yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #yelena belova x y/n #natasha romanoff x wanda maximoff #black widow fanfiction #black widow one shot #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov #wanda maximoff #wandanat #Marvel AU #marvel fanfiction #marvel one shot #marvel fix it

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