#couldn’t decide if Splinter was coping or not

[kip-loric]

What I think Mutant Mayhem is according to this chart. Splinter was the hardest one to decide on for some reason.

(Chart was made by @hiveswap)

#mutant mayhem #teenage mutant ninja turtles #couldn’t decide if Splinter was coping or not #But i know that he doesn't know what ptsd is #tmnt mm #april o'neil

[queenpiranhadon]

A/N: SHOOOTTTT THIS IS SO LATEEE IM SORRY 😭 It's okay, it's here now :). This chapter is written by me 👀. My cowriter is the lovely Nyota (@labaguetteisdabest) :D. . You can find the masterlist here

Warning(s): blood depictions, gore, death, rabid animals, panic attacks, sleeping as a coping mechanism, LOTS of cursing, blacking out, all that fun stuff in the chapter.

Pairing(s): Kaepex

Thump. 

Thump. 

Thump. 

The rhythmic sound of the carriage bouncing against every rock and pebble on the narrow road was probably the only thing keeping me sane as the claws of boredom threatened to suffocate me in its patronizing grasp.  

The man outside, the one driving the carriage was one I vaguely knew, he was the one who coincidentally brought me to the docks of Minsare when I was 5 to go to Watarumi in the first place. And now I was going home.  

My bogy tingled with anticipation at the prospect. The room I’d been raised in for 5 years, and icy winds of Khaenpanii stinging my flesh, akin to the feeling of being free.  

I couldn’t wait. 

Thump. 

Thump. 

Thump. 

CRACK. 

The only thing I remembered after that was the sound of the delicate but sturdy wood of the carriage being splintered open before everything went black. 

. 

. 

. 

When my brain finally decided to regain consciousness, there was an insistent ringing in my ear, high pitched and nauseating, stabbing needles into the darkest corners of my brain, working its way into anything and everything, attempting to fracture my brain’s ability to function.  

But it clears up eventually, the throbbing in my head ebbing and flowing, as two sharp red piercing eyes send chills straight down my spine, ice cold fear running through me from head to toe. 

My body refused to move, my bones locked as if they didn’t know how to move in the first place, no matter how much my muscles twitched, screaming to move, to run, to do anything but lie on the ground, splinters of wood stabbing my skin as the giant beast lurked closer, its red eyes wide and wild, mouth foaming with the prospect of food.  

Food. 

It looked starved, and unhinged, sanity long gone to the feline creature, but most of all, it was desperate. Eyes the color of sticky blood that said that they only existed to be fed.  

To feast.  

On me.  

Thump. 

Thump. Thump. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

The rhythmic pounding I felt now was my heart, beating so fast I felt like I was going to choke on it.  

Crunch. 

Adrenaline and pure fear course through my veins, as what I assume to be a rabid leopard, now sinks its foamy and bloody mouth into the flesh of my driver, saliva dripping down its fangs, the horses that pulled the carriages long gone.  

The leopard tears through his skin, the sickening crunch of devoured bones and the smell of metallic blood are the only two things I can sense, my driver’s agonized screams slowly dying out, a choked sob leaving his lips followed by thick streams of red.  

I can’t look, so I don’t, bile rising in my throat, threatening to suffocate me in fear and disgust.  

And then its pupils narrow, zooming in on me, clarity returning to the beast’s eyes, ready for another hunt.  

It’s only then that my legs start to move, one of my bags still draped over my shoulder, scrambling to stand up and sprint into the woods, careful not to lose track of the path.  

One step. 

Two steps. 

Three steps. 

I run away, loose but sharp branches slicing my skin. They sting, but the pain only makes me run faster, my energy only focused on moving, on getting the hell away from the crazed monster.  

I can hear its paws crunching against the underbrush, but I can’t see it. I have to move faster. 

My heart races faster, it feels inhumane at this point, tears of desperation pricking my eyes and my throat clenches in fear.  

Lungs burning to the point where they feel numb, my eyes find a small nook underneath the thick foliage, the opening big enough for me to hide in and the surrounding number unripe fruits great enough to cover my scent. I use my body weight to abruptly fall into the opening, tumbling into the darkness as I hear the low growling above me.  

My heart pounds in my ears, my lungs begging to take much needed air, but I let them continue to burn, knowing that if I make even a single sound, I’d end up with the same fate as my driver.  

Please damnit Allaida I beg you, please please please please... 

Suddenly, the growling gets louder, as the padding of paws get quieter, the vibrations it sent getting less intense, and suddenly it was gone.  

Air floods into my lungs, trying to gulp down as much as I can, even if it was too much to take it at once. Crawling out of the nook, my chest heaves, coughs racking through my body as tears start flowing down my face. 

I bury my face in my hands, trying to drown out the sounds of the forest, the beads of sweat mingling with the salty tears that stained my face.  

I’m petrified, but I need to think through this like I always do. 

Now that I think about it, this trail is usually crowded with carriages, one passing by every half hour or so, considering Minsare and Khaenpanii’s trading regime. Merchants are almost always traveling on this route, what’s a leopard doing so close to it – we barely see any animals here, especially undocile ones. Unless... no merchants have come. But for a lack of merchants to be the cause of rabid animals converging on the route, they’d have to be missing for a long time.  

My heart rate picks up again, as my stomach twists in uncertainty. 

Was something wrong? 

No one was around... and speculation of a sickness has been arising for the past few years. But the last time I heard about that was 5 years ago... then again, that’s the last time I’ve heard from anyone. After that, my Reya training was extremely brutal, so I just chalked it up to not having time to write.  

But if something was wrong... then maybe going back to Khaenpanii wasn’t the best idea.  

Wait. Was that why Eran didn’t send a letter? If the whole continent was infected with this virus... 

This is bad. 

This is really bad. 

Damnit, damnit, damnit. 

The only chance I have of survival is to find people that aren’t infected like me. 

Oh, fucking hell. 

I have to find Apex and Cari.  

Fujimura shares a border with Khaenpanii, so finding Apex would be the best course of action. 

But I really don’t want to. 

Maybe dying here would be best.  

But no, I know I can’t, what Syla would jeopardize the lives of her people for a grudge against another? 

Even if they’re really irritating... 

Fatigue finally seeps into my aching bones, a stream of red running down my leg – which is weird, I never noticed it. Maybe something hit me while I was running. 

Now that I had a plan, I just needed to find a place to sleep for a while... I’d go find the cold-hearted fire princess tomorrow.  

Looking at my bag, the one still slung over my shoulder, I realized I had a clean change of clothes, including a flowy white blouse, a deep brown corset, and some baggy beige pants. Besides that, and the clothes on my back, I had my signet ring, a few scrolls, a hairpin, and thank fuck, my uncle’s compass. And a single apple. 

Wonderful. 

I have to last an entire day on a single apple.  

My mouth felt dry, begging for some cool refreshing water. But going to find a lake to drink from would be a death wish, more rabid animals like the leopard would probably be lurking in the area. Using my sore fingertips, I turn the humid air around me into frozen molecules, attempting to form a sort of container to drink out of.  

The result is a deformed teacup.  

Oh, how I missed my silver-plated goblets.  

Making sure the ice was solid enough to not melt all over my fingers, I fill the cup with fragile ice, hoping it’ll melt into drinkable water. 

Maybe I should’ve gone for the Acquarone instead... 

No matter, the ice has melted by now, and I must drink before the cup melts over my hands in this unbearable heat. 

Gulping it down, the slightly bitter taste of the water makes me scrunch my eyebrows, but at least dying of dehydration won’t be an issue. 

Using the slightly melted cup to clean the dirt and blood off myself, I crawl back into the nook, deciding to sleep there in the meantime.  

The darkness was comforting, helping me block out the world, as sleep slowly overtakes me, my subconscious deciding I could go a few hours without healing Dodomi. 

I’d continue my journey at noon. 

#adrienne “apex” pyracent #kaeda leona cynet #star crossed haters #kaepex #kaeda x apex #writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writers and poets #writerscommunity #creative writing #my writing #writer #the cloud archives ☁️

[thelaundrybitch]

Little Blue Hearts Update - Chapter 25

Happy Tuesday Turtle Doves!

I must warn you, that this may be the last update until I return from Hawaii. We will be visiting family, attending a wedding, and 'vacationing' from June 1 through June 15. I will update if I can. Thank you all for being patient and understanding 🥰😘

This is one of my favorite chapters. A lot of brotherly bonding happening 🙌😍

*Drops a cliffhanger before going on vacation* 😂😘

I hope you enjoy it!

18+ content - for mature audiences only!

Reblogs only, please!

Little Blue Hearts cover art by the lovely @leosgirl82

Grown-ass Men

~Raphael~

Here we are. Grown-ass men. And still being reprimanded by our father.

We deserve it though.

Especially Dip and Shit, who decided between the two of them they’d share leadership of the team.

And not tell anyone else.

I mean, what the actual fuck. Who does that?

Does Leo deserve a break? Abso-friggin-lutely.

Does Donnie deserve more stress? Oh, fuck no.

Do me and Mikey deserve to be sitting here getting fitted for new assholes because of those two idiots? 

Maybe.

But I digress.

Sensei is barking out unpleasant strengthening positions for us to endure while he reprimands us.

“Leonardo, polarity pyramid, hands in namaste position. Donatello, Front squat, arms out straight in front of you. Michelangelo, Wide leg squat, full wingspan. Raphael…”

Leg punishment? I can do legs for days.

“Side plank.”

Fuuuuuck. He’s been making me do this since I broke my left hip during patrol one night. My core body strength hasn’t been the same since. But that’s another story for another day. 

“Which side, Sensei?” I ask, hopefully.

He peers at me, “You know which side, Raphael,” he grumbles.

I get in position and glance at my brothers, who all have the same solemn look on their faces.

Master Splinter takes a seat in the chair I brought in for him, so he's looking at the four of us lined up side-by-side, in front of him. 

“So…” he starts, “co-leadership. Which one of you would like to explain?” He asks.

YES. RIGHT FOR THE MEAT!

Donnie speaks first, “We decided last September that we would share leadership.” 

Almost a whole fucking year?! They've kept this a secret for that long?!

He lets out a sigh, and continues, “Leo was overwhelmed with stress and was nearing a nervous breakdown. He came to me, asking about coping mechanisms that might help him with the stress. I suggested he seek some counseling since telehealth is now majorly acceptable by most psychologists, especially due to the pandemic.”

“Ok,” says Sensei, encouraging Donnie to continue.

“But with the sudden surge of crime and rioting, there was no time for Leo to get himself the help he needed. So, I offered to aid him in whatever he needed, so he could get help,” Donnie says, swallowing hard.

“Leonardo?” Sensei looks to Leo.

“Yes. It’s true," says Leo, embarrassed. "Meditation didn’t seem to be helping. I couldn’t concentrate anymore. So, I took Donnie up on his offer.”

“Michelangelo, were you aware?” Master Splinter turns his full attention to Mikey.

“Yep,” he says, seemingly completely unaffected by this whole ordeal.

The rest of us whip our heads in his direction.

“You did?” I ask in shock.

“Yep,” he says again.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” I ask, exasperated.

“Well…  Leo’s the leader, and he made a decision - as our leader- to seek help for himself. Not a bad thing! And since HE is the leader, it is his responsibility to inform the rest of the team of HIS leadership decisions. I had no right to meddle,” he says, with a small shrug.

God, he’s such a shit.

“Raphael?” Asks Sensei.

“I had NO idea. Honestly, Leo and Donnie do a lot of work together, so I thought nothing of Donnie overstepping Leo’s leadership at times,” I say, feeling like an idiot for being the only one who didn’t know.

“Leonardo, why didn’t you come to me for help?” Asks Sensei.

“I’m old enough to be able to figure it out on my own," Leo says, his legs starting to shake. I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me for failing you,” he says. I can see the water pooling in his eyes.

“And, Leonardo, why didn’t you inform your brothers of your leadership decision?” He asks.

“I couldn’t handle an argument from anyone…”

“You mean from me,” I say, cutting him off.

“Yes, from you,” he says softly.

“Why do you think I would’ve argued?" I say, wobbling a bit as I look at him. "If you had told me how stressed you were, I would’ve gladly agreed. Hell! I would’ve offered to help!” I tell him, hurt bleeding into my voice.

“You’ve already taken on so much responsibility with Dad. I… I didn’t want to take you away from him, because I wanted to take some time for myself. It felt wrong. Selfish,” he says, spitting the last word and clearly feeling ashamed for having needs and wants - you know like any other normal living being.

“And what about me? Do you think I'm incompetent?” Asks Mikey, forgotten at the end of our lineup.

“Mikey…” Breathes Leo. “You were in a dark place, too. There was no way I was gonna add to that weight,” he says.

“Heh,” huffs Mikey with a sad smile, looking down. “I know you all think I’m just this clown that plays around all the time. Video games, pizza, sports… The ‘fun’ one. ‘Forever the optimist’… But… It hurts,” he says frowning, his breath hitching for a moment. “It hurts me…. That you all think I’m incapable of the things that you do. If you just asked… You know… Even once…” He sniffs, “I could show you how dependable I am. But no. You all just brush me off. Silly Mikey…”

“Oh, God, Mikey…” Whispers Donnie, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” sniffles Mikey. “I should’ve communicated my feelings to you all. I’m just as much at fault. Probably more, actually,” he confesses. 

“Definitely not more, Mikey,” I say, looking him in his eyes that are full of tears. “We love you so much, I think we just showed it wrong. Instead of giving you all the freedom to do whatever you wanted, we should have entrusted you with responsibilities, and included you in the bigger team decisions. I’m sorry, Mikey,” I tell my little brother, sweat dripping down across my forehead and splashing on the floor.

“I’m sorry too,” says Leo, with a guilty, sorrowful look on his face. “For leaving you out, Mike. It was my job as a leader to make sure everyone was included. I failed you. I failed you all,” says Leo, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I really should have brought this up to all of you before even thinking about making the decision that I did. I was wrong. And I hope you can all forgive me,” he finishes.

We all nod in acceptance at Leo’s apology, as he gives us a small appreciative smile.

“Honestly, we’re grown-ass men,” Donnie pipes in, sounding out of breath. “We’ve lived with each other for so long that we should have realized when one of the others needed something. We’ve all grown complacent, and we need to be more mindful of each other,” he says, turning his head and looking at Leo before he continues, “You didn’t fail us, Leo. We all failed each other. But that’s ok! Because we can learn from our mistakes, and grow.” 

“Good,” says Master Splinter. “This is what I expect from you four. Communication. Love. Respect. Honesty. You boys have never been failures in my eyes, nor will you ever be. I am proud to call myself your father, and I am always here for you - no matter if you are grown-ass men,” he finishes, giving us a good chuckle.

We are all a bit wobbly and shaky at this point from holding our positions for so long. Except Mikey, who is most likely getting a lot more exercise than we are, thanks to Ashley. I’m sure of it. He hasn’t even broken a sweat, the shithead.

“Now. I expect for you all to decide together what this team will look like and who will be leading - whether it is one of you, or all of you - before our new guest gets here,” says Master Splinter. “Donatello will continue with his research, and from what I understand, we can start preparing for her arrival. Is that correct?” He asks, looking to Donnie.

“Yes, Sensei. The timeline I have set up will allow us to prepare for her to arrive sometime in October,” confirms Donnie, his shoulders glistening in the light with sweat.

“Good,” says Master Splinter. “Who’s guestroom will she be staying in?”

“She can stay in mine,” say Donnie and Leo in unison.

“Oh, um…” says Donnie.

“I vote Donnie,” I say looking at Sensei.

“I vote Leo,” Says Mikey, looking at me confused.

“Reasons.” Demands Master Splinter, “Donatello?”

Donnie is quiet for a minute. 

“I have the most updated guestroom and the bathroom is attached to the lab, so she wouldn’t feel as awkward, having to run through the house to use a shower. Not to mention, I know the most about her and will be able to accommodate her needs and wants, easier,” he says.

Master Splinter turns and looks at Leo with a questioning look.

“We don’t know how she’s going to react about staying. I have more practice with meditation and how to use calming techniques with people in distress. My room and guestroom are secure. I also have a private bathroom, so the bathroom thing shouldn’t be an issue. You know, especially if she needs to get up and use it in the middle of the night. She won’t feel like she’s being babysat,” Leo argues.

Sensei looks back and forth between my brothers.

“I’m also the lightest sleeper. She wouldn’t be able to slip out without me waking up first,” Leo says quickly.

“She will stay with Leonardo. I want you all to work together to get things ready. Keep me updated with everything, and let me know if you need anything. That includes if you need any kind of help,” he says looking at Leo. 

Leo nods.

“And speaking of help, we are going to start Donatello’s healing process. It is time to talk about April," he says.

Little Blue Hearts Master list HERE

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#little blue hearts #thelaundrybitch #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt bayverse #tmnt leo #tmnt leonardo #bayverse leo #bayverse leonardo #tmnt raph #tmnt raphael #bayverse raph #bayverse raphael #tmnt donnie #tmnt donatello #bayverse donnie #bayverse donatello #tmnt mikey #tmnt michelangelo #bayverse mikey #bayverse michelangelo #tmnt aged up

[veritas-dolos]

How to Cope by Leo and Mikey Ch. 11

Leo had stopped seizing an hour ago. 

After he had stopped, Donnie, Raph, and Mikey sat around Leo’s bed, the adrenaline from dealing with it subsiding, leaving only grief.

Their dad had apparently not heard Raph yell when they got back from the store. Splinter had been in the kitchen looking for the groceries they had gone to buy when Raph went out and broke the news. 

Their dad had come rushing into the med bay, muttering about his son. Everyone knew Leo was his least favorite, but it was good to see that he still cared. 

He wasn’t really able to cope with it, though. He exited the room to go back to the TV room, and everyone could tell that he just needed to be distracted. Mikey couldn’t even find it in him to be mad. 

The three of them had decided to not tell anyone about Mikey’s self harm. No one needed to know because he had stopped and begun healing. Mikey thought dimly of the knife in the corner of his room, a tug in his stomach telling him he should put it to good use. He ignored it, electing to focus on the problem at hand. 

Mikey just wanted Leo to get better. He wanted to see him smile again, wanted to hear a stupid joke. Any joke. He wanted him to wake up, crack a one liner, and everyone would laugh and hug him and it would be okay. He just wanted his big brother to come back to him.

A day had passed, and Leo was still comatose. 

Donnie said that Leo had taken a lot, and that it might take a while for him to wake up. Mikey still had hope that he’d wake up. He knew it would be today. 

Another day had passed, two days total since his attempt. And Leo still wasn’t waking up. 

It had been too long since Leo had eaten, and they were forced to give him a feeding tube. Mikey didn’t like that. He didn’t want to see a tube sticking out of his brother. Regardless, Mikey sat as his bedside vigil for the whole day. He didn’t want to leave him alone. Never again. He knew Leo was going to wake up, and he knew it would be today.

Day three was a rough one.

April and Casey came to visit. Casey cried by his bedside, and said that his Leo from the future had almost attempted suicide as well, after Raph and Donnie had died. He said that he was the one to talk him off a ledge. Casey didn’t say how he was going to do it, but something in Mikey knew. 

April hadn’t said a word. She stood in the corner of the room, watching everyone crowd around Leo’s bed with a snarl on her face. She hated seeing him like this. 

Mikey watched her leave ten minutes after she had gotten there. 

But it was okay. Mikey knew today was the day he’d wake up, and everything would get better. 

After a total of eight days, Mikey was starting to lose hope. 

Donnie said he didn’t know what to do. They could try to bring him to a hospital with real doctors, but that would involve getting him up and out of a manhole cover and unhooking him from the feeding tube and his IV’s. They weren’t going to risk it. 

The three brothers looked through all of Leo’s medical textbooks, looking for anything that might help them get him out of his coma. They spent hours flipping through them, hoping against hope they might find something that could help them. 

They didn’t find anything. 

Resolutely, they decided the only thing they could do was wait. Mikey despised that answer. Just… wait? Do nothing, just hope that he’d wake up?

But he’d do that. He would, and only because he wasn’t going to leave Leo’s side. He didn’t want him to lay there alone, what if he woke up and Mikey wasn’t there?

So he’d wait. He’d wait until Leo was back with them, back to being the brother Mikey knew and loved. Mikey hoped today would be the day Leo woke up, but deep in his heart he knew it wouldn’t be.

Everything… hurt. His head. His body. His stomach. Was death supposed to hurt this much?

His eyes were closed, and he made no move to open them. Someone was holding his hand. He didn’t have the energy to move, but the hand was calloused and dry. Was that gram gram’s hand? He thought her hands must be smooth, though. So, not gram gram. Maybe another ancestor? He didn’t know. 

Leo felt his heart beating in his chest. It was steady and strong. That could only mean one thing. 

He wasn’t dead. 

That made him feel… something. He didn’t know what yet, though. 

Leo cracked open his eyes and looked around. Mikey, Donnie, and Raph were having a conversation about something that Leo didn’t care about at the moment. 

Leo licked his chapped lips. “G’morning, fuckers,” He said, and watched as three heads snapped in his direction. 

“Leo?” Raph said in disbelief. 

“LEO!” Mikey said, dropping his hand. He stood up from his chair and hugged him, and Leo winced in pain. 

“Hey, hey, hands off the merchandise,” Leo said, too weak to push Mikey off. Raph and Mikey burst out laughing, ecstatic, because Leo was back, and was making jokes. 

Everyone turned to look as Donnie stood. His chair scraped back on the hard cement floor, making an awful sound Leo cringed at. “I’m gonna go call the others to let them know you’re awake,” He said, acknowledging Leo, “I’ll… be back.” Donnie said, swiftly exiting the room. 

Way to kill the mood, Leo thought. He’d just come back from the (almost) dead, you’d think he’d be a little more excited. 

Leo looked around at his surroundings. Everything was pretty much the same, except for a vase of flowers on his bedside table. 

Mikey noticed his eyes locked onto the flowers. “They’re from everyone,” He said happily, “Sure, it’s the second bouquet, but it’s the thought that counts.”

Leo chuckled a little shyly, and looked down. His arms were covered wrist to elbow in bandages. Shit, he thought, shoving his arms under the covers. Raph and Mikey noticed, obviously. But who else?

Raph cleared his throat, a little uncomfortable. “Um, Leo, everyone’s seen your arms,” Leo’s eyes widened, “There’s no point hiding them.” 

“Everyone?” Leo said fearfully. 

“Yeah, everyone. I’m sorry Leo,” Mikey said, squeezing his hand again.

Leo squeezed back. “Can I at least have my sweatshirt?” Leo said, glancing back and forth at his brothers. Raph and Mikey hesitantly made eye contact before he responded. 

“The sweatshirt you were wearing had, um. A lot of blood on it. We tried to scrub it out, but it was stained. We had to throw it away.” Mikey mumbled, pulling at the strings of his hoodie. 

“Oh.” Leo said. “Do you have, uh, anything I can wear? To cover them? Please?” Leo pleaded with them, without making eye contact. 

He knew it was stupid, wanting to have his arms covered, even though everyone knew. It was a comfort thing, he guessed; it felt too revealing to have just his bandages on display. He wished he could go back to his days where no one knew, so he wouldn’t have to have the awful feeling of someone knowing gnawing in his gut. 

“I don’t think you should wear a sweatshirt, because of your feeding tube, but I can get you a blanket,” Mikey said.

“I have a feeding tube?” Leo said, swiftly lifting the covers with newfound strength. And, yup, there’s a feeding tube, why was he surprised. “How long was I out?”

“Just short of two weeks. Thirteen days,” Donnie said, walking back into the room. Mikey quickly shuffled out of the room to get a blanket. 

Leo watched his emotional support Mikey leave the room, and looked at Donnie, who seemed to have a bone to pick. He could only hope Mikey would get back soon, and before any other people would get there. He really didn’t want anyone to see his arms. 

Leo put the covers back down and slid his arms under them, and Donnie watched all the while. 

He walked to the edge of the bed and looked at his chart. Raph watched him do it, knowing something was about to go down. After a minute, Donnie threw the clipboard onto the foot of the bed. 

“Leo, what the fuck was that?”

“Language,” Raph mumbled, half-assing his comment. 

Donnie glared at Raph for a moment before refocusing on Leo, “No, seriously. What the fuck, Leo. Suicide? You were just going to leave us like that? Leave me like that?” He said, chest heaving. 

Leo crossed his arms in front of his plastron, building his walls higher. “What do you want me to say?” 

Donnie was silent as he walked to the bedside table. He opened the drawer and pulled out a notebook, and Leo’s eyes widened as he realized that it was the notebook. Donnie took it and went back to his spot at the foot of the bed. 

“I’m sorry you found me like this,” Donnie mocked, doing a terrible impression of his brother, “Dead. On the floor. Or wherever I decided to roll over and die. But what’s done is done, right? Right.” Donnie threw the notebook onto Leo’s lap. 

“I don’t want you to say jack shit. I want you to take it fucking back.” Donnie growled, rushing out of the room. 

Leo didn’t look at Raph when he said, “Well, someone’s a little feisty today,” 

Mikey walked back into the room, Leo’s navy blue blanket from his bed in his arms. He walked over to Leo and started to wrap it around his shoulders, making sure the sides of it covered his arms with the blue fabric. “So, Donnie’s mad,” He said, sitting down in his chair, “But I passed him and he said that dad’s in the hidden city doing who knows what, and that April and Casey will stop by in a few hours.”

“That’s good, I’m sure they’ll be happy to see me,” Leo said with false confidence.

Mikey cringed at it. He was trying too hard, trying to make it seem like he was doing better than he actually was. He caught it, but Raph didn’t. 

“They will be! Casey’s been by a few times, but April only came by… once.” Raph said, remembering the day she came.

“Oh.” Leo whispered, saddened that his sister hadn’t stayed. 

“Uh, Donnie also said that you should get some rest,” Mikey said, looking at Leo. 

Leo yawned. He did feel pretty tired, despite just waking up from a near-two-week nap. 

“Mikey, why don’t you go get some rest too. I can handle Leo.” Raph said, smiling at Leo. 

Leo gave a small smile back. 

“I’ll… go get something to eat. I’ll be back at some point.” Mikey said, hesitating to leave. With a last look over his shoulder, he left the med bay. 

Leo laid his head back on his pillow, and let his eyes drift shut. He knew he had someone to watch over him. He was finally safe.

Ch. 1 Ch. 10 Ch. 12

#How to Cope by Leo and Mikey #HCLM #rottmnt #fanfiction #tw self harm #tw self harm mention

[liminal-storage]

A Stumble

Prompt 22: Veracity

Characters: Okuni Tomioka and a funky birch tree friend. 

Warnings: Some blood, animal death, and general horror imagery.

Notes: There will be a part two. 

---------------

They say dreams are a reflection of your waking reality, your mind’s way of coping with the things you experience day to day. Others say they’re manifestations of your subconscious, a reflection of your innermost desires or a result of your greatest traumas. 

If one were to ask Okuni Tomioka what her dreams meant, she’d probably conclude that someone was fucking with her. 

It’d been years at this point. Years, and still she saw the same place, the same scenario, the same figures with only slight variations. The sundered forest with its ruined wall of thorns. The winged deer with the fangs of a wolf and the shadow of a man. Something unseen perched in the trees watching her, waiting for some kind of sign. Voices beyond the small intact patch of golden-leafed trees, past the swirling vortex and howling winds of the sky. She always felt like she was supposed to get over there, somehow. But the peryton always stopped her, stepped into her path as if it was desperate to keep her away from the voices. She’d find herself perpetually unable to make it further than a few steps past the creature before she awoke, frustrated and mildly shaken. 

But that was soon to change. 

Okuni was not lying peacefully in her bed when she descended into dreams that would carry her beyond the storm. Instead, it was late at night and she was still working, exhausted but stubbornly determined to finish the job before curling up somewhere for a couple hours of rest before heading home. The work was simple enough; she was only wandering around the larger settlements of the South Shroud to ask the residents about a series of recent disappearances. Preliminary work, if anything, but the people she spoke to all seemed to have different stories to tell. She considered each one of them in turn, recording the information they had to give before moving on to the next. 

Normally she considered herself lucky if one or two people had threads for her to follow. Yet it seemed like every other person she spoke to had something important to say on that night, and she got the distinct impression that the residents were all on edge. Not to say they lacked reasons for that. Five people gone missing in a matter of only a couple of days, dead livestock, entire patches of trees cut and taken with no evidence of where they’d gone. An extreme case of poaching was one thing, but the animals hadn’t been taken, just killed, insides ripped out to leave their bodies hollow. As if their guts alone had been taken. 

Or eaten. 

As for the patches of trees felled, there were no drag marks or scattered leaves. No wood splinters, not even a crookedly cut stump. Instead the felled stumps stood neatly cut at exactly the same height, their surfaces smooth and free of any sort of marks. One stump was thicker than the rest, the size of a small table which sat right in the middle of the others as if set up for some kind of eerie tea party. 

How any of these things related to one another, she did not know. Instinct alone told her they were connected, though. Dismissing them as separate incidents coincidentally cropping up at the same time was fool’s work. Regardless, there was little she could do immediately, so she was determined to take the information home to look it over and decide on a plan of action. 

She never did make it home that night. 

While Okuni walked along, she began to feel a strange sense of unease. Quite the unusual sensation, given how familiar she was with these paths regardless of the time of day. Perhaps that unease was owing to the tales she’d heard that evening then, exacerbated by how tired she felt. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being watched by something more than the dark eye marks of the tall, skinny birch trees. The woods had been silent for a good twenty minutes, ever since she started to walk through the grove crowded with ghostly pale trees. Even at night, there should be some form of ambiance, but it seemed that even the wind had silenced itself. She sped up her steps ever so slightly. Not so much that she’d exhaust herself, but enough to cover the distance more quickly. 

If she’d kept going at a slow but steady pace, perhaps she wouldn’t have coaxed the thing moving between the birches to move faster too. 

Whatever it was, it was most definitely chasing her, determined not to let her out of its sights. Okuni cursed and broke into a run, not for her own sake but to ensure that whatever dangerous thing this was followed her as far away from the settlements as possible. She dared not look over her shoulder as she heard running footsteps come crashing through the trees hot on her tail. Just an animal, she told herself. Surely just some big cat or starving wolf that wouldn’t even normally go after people. She knew better though, and eventually curiosity won out. 

She twisted her body ever so slightly to get a look at the creature and regretted it immensely for several reasons. 

For a moment, she thought the woods themselves were chasing her. The thing following her ran on two legs like a person but it stood much much taller, long and skinny limbs bearing the same dark eye marks as the birch trees. It had the overall suggestion that it was person-shaped; two legs, a torso, two arms that dangled like the bowed branches of a leaning tree, a long neck, and a head. A face… No face. Only an empty, dark hollow lined with circular rows of teeth. Gory innards hung in shreds from the bottom teeth, not unlike bits of cloth snagged on a saw. Two tiny, beady black eyes, different from the marks on the paper-thin bark, were set on either side of that circular maw. They blinked at her and she felt the air push out of her chest in a forceful rush as her feet went out from under her. 

In her distraction she’d forgotten the path she was on and its treacherous dips and twists. There was a rather steep hill to traverse and she, having taken her eyes off of the path, missed where it began. She tumbled and rolled painfully all the way down to the bottom. The good news was, this put quite a considerable amount of distance between herself and the creature who seemed to stop chasing her entirely when she began her fall. The bad news was, at the very end of the fall her head struck a large boulder and she felt herself rapidly slipping out of consciousness, only mustering enough strength to lift her head a few ilms before the searing pain of doing so tugged her under the tides of unconsciousness. 

When she entered the realm of her dreams, it was pitch black and she could hear the roar of the tempest in the distance. She groaned and opened her eyes to slowly blink at the faint glow of golden leaves somewhere above her. 

“Oh, oh!” someone nearby said. “She’s here, she’s finally here!”

#ffxivwrite2022 #Okuni Tomioka #{child of the crossroads} #my writing #liminal-storage #weeeee here we go it's indulgent writing time

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

The Race to Find The Cure (Donatello x reader) Chapter 2

The warehouse was quiet for the night. Donne sat up at his work station, adjusting his microscope to peer down at a sample of fluid he’d gathered from a fallen infected. He hummed as he magnified in and saw the molecules of mutagen mixed with other bodily things.

“Need a centrifuge,” he muttered, trying to see past the particulate matter to get a good look. His had gotten left behind in the sewers when it was overrun, and they were not equipped to take that task on currently. Home would be theirs again, one day. Just not then. He pulled away from the microscope and saw the map out of the corner of his eye with the big red circle around the lab he was eyeing. “They’ll have a centrifuge,” he said. We just have to get there. Hold out for me, [y/n], I’m going to get you what you need.

This study was useless if he couldn’t separate the actual mutagen from the other bodily fluids. He sighed and stood up. Listening in on the chatter between the two unknowns on the walkie-talkies had become a kind of past time for him; sometimes, he tuned in just for some background noise. He did that, deciding to dig out his journal from his box of few possessions to write down everything so far. He scribbled his pen to activate the ink. The radio next to him crackled as a man’s voice on the other end asked; “You still alive, jackass?”

 

 

"November 6th, 2013—11:42 PM

Subject: Worst day since Splinter

Back at the journal again. I have to document everything, it’s how I am. Who’s going to tell the story otherwise? Or maybe I’m coping. Doesn’t matter anyway.

I haven’t gotten the time to mention until now we’ve been going out a lot trying to get supplies before winter. All hands on deck lately. Everything was going pretty smooth, which is weird because it’s never easy with us, but we all needed a break. I sure wasn’t complaining. But something always has to go wrong, right? Because it did. I don’t want to be bitter, but it’s getting really hard.

I’m afraid I’ve made some miscalculations. [Y/N]’s infected. And now I’m sitting here writing it down in a diary. Shouldn’t I be working? I can’t even think. Well, barely. I just need a breather. I’ll be quick.

There’s not much to say about the events leading up to it. Like I said, it was all going somewhat okay. We just wanted to go find supplies to make our lives easier when it gets cold. We can’t be stuck in here freezing all winter! But some of those infected are quiet. (More like half asleep due to lack of a food source.) Nobody knew it was behind those crates. We were even checking for that very thing. But [y/n] was just a little close and a little too slow, and all it takes is a couple of seconds to get the jump on you. We should be glad she’s not a goner…but I feel like a failure. I know everyone’s blaming themselves a little. I don’t know if it’s anyone’s fault, if I’m being honest. Cruel luck like usual? I'll get back to you on that.

So, that’s been it, until now. She went into shock afterwards; I stabilized her as quickly as possible. It’s been six hours since the attack and I’ve been checking on her constantly, but the disease can be unpredictable. Everyone's worried, but I can’t give an answer right now. I. don’t. know.

 I need to get in gear and solve this thing. She’s already showing signs. I think we’ve got a little time though, so I have to make use of every minute. Can’t waste it on sleeping. I know everyone’s worried, they’ve been on my shell about it for days, but I just can’t stop. Even Casey tried to get me to walk away from my research to go sleep. I snapped at him…I didn’t mean to, but they don’t understand. I think I’m getting closer. Meanwhile, I’ve bought her and me some time in by using a very diluted form of Retro-Mutagen to keep the mutating at bay. It’ll only be so long before that stops working. And knowing that I’d been touching her, no doubt I’ve shed some DNA on her, but I think I’ve got it under control. April helped her out with the bath. She did the best she could. Mutagen is highly reactive towards biomaterial, so I don’t want to introduce anything that could possibly react with the Ooze currently in her and trigger any changes. No change for as long as possible is a good thing, or we’re going to have more problems on our hands.

Even writing this now I still feel guilty. Raph tried to comfort me, I guess…emphasis on “tried”, but that didn’t help. I should have been looking out more. And now I’m worried that I won’t make it in time. Can a fully infected person be cured? It’s never possible in movies, but if this disease is a virus literally mutated by Ooze, then my answer is somewhere here. I just have to find it. Retro-Mutagen concentrate hasn’t worked. Curse the viral part of this; it's thrown a wrench in my plan and now I don’t know what to do. But I won’t give up. [Y/N] needs me.

In the meantime, I’ve been picking through the different frequencies with my radio receiver and found one two unknown people have been using. Knowing how Lower Manhattan’s a mess, they’re actually probably somewhere near us, but I don’t need to find them to listen in on their convos. What’s got me more worried on top of everything else is that these two were just in hiding from a horde in the city. Lucky for them, they escaped, but bad news for us, because it looks like it’s coming our direction. Unless it magically decides to change course, but New York is becoming a wasteland, anyway. Last night running back home we found infected on the rooftops. Who knew they knew how to open stairwell doors? Are they really as brainless as we think?

It turns out that the mutagen part of all of this behaves like it normally does. While travelling through one of the not-overrun sewer passages, we found a person half mutated with a rat. It was…chewing on something. I didn’t get close enough to look. But my heart skipped a beat. I swear my stomach fell. Even just for a split second, I think all of us saw Master Splinter in him. I couldn’t believe it. Leo’s hands were shaking; I saw the blades trembling. Logically, all of us knew it couldn’t have been Father.. We laid him to rest already. He’s not coming back. We ended up just going back from where we came. I had to hold Raph back. I’m glad I did. I don’t think any of us are strong enough for what we would have had to do if we hadn’t silently backed away.

Well, it’s just past 12 o’clock. I hate to wake [y/n] up to take her temperature, but it has to be done. I’ll have to monitor it very carefully.

Donnie signing off"

 

 

November 7th, 2013—4:34 AM

Medical notes

• 12:00 AM: temperature reading 99.1°

• 3:00 AM: no change.

• [Y/N] says she tired. That’s all for now.

I’m pretty tired, too."

“So, what’s up with this 'horde'?” Raph asked while twirling his sais. He propped a leg up on the busted window sill he sat on, looking out at the dark city as a chill came through the air. His leg dangled idly on the outside as if the cold didn’t bother him. Everyone was gathered up in the open makeshift living room keeping warm by the fire drum. Donnie held out his cold hands near the flame. He hated the cold. Raph set his sais down in his lap, briefly seeing his reflection in the metal. “Two days, huh…” he mumbled. He turned his head to hide to hide his face.

“More or less,” Donnie responded. “Technically less,” he added plainly. No one seemed to appreciate the dry humor, so he shrunk a little with an apologetic smile, saying, “But, that’s plenty of time for us to pack up and hit the road. I’ve been fixing up the van just for this, you know. The Shelleraiser and Party Wagon won’t fail us yet…right, Raph?”

Raph looked over at the warm glow of the circle, seeing everyone close together and [y/n] there as well. Mikey passed around the cans food that Leo had rationed out that night. Raph smiled a bit and shook his head. “It better not break down on us halfway there, or I think we’re going to be the roadkill,” he said, hopping down from the window. He joined everyone around the fire and settled down. “Come on, don’t be shy with those peaches.”

Donnie noticed [y/n]’s distracted gaze at the fire. The way the light danced off her glum face and made the dark circles apparent. Donnie wasn’t all brains and no feeling; he could sense her gloom, and for a minute, felt powerless—what could he do besides try his hardest?

He contemplated. The firelight shone in his russet eyes as he thought, with the idea that the warm glow against the backdrop of the blue city out the window reminded him of a sunrise.

Raph sighed and leaned back onto the cushions they’d fixed to a pallet. He chuffed. “Two days. It feels like we’ve already been here so long,” he said. “It’s been two months, right?” He glanced at Leo for confirmation, who prodded the fire with his poker.

“Yeah,” Leo answered. "Wow, that's weird to say."

Mikey tossed his empty can behind him into their trash bin, falling back into soft cushion. “Time doesn’t fly when you’re not having fun,” he said.

Fun. He was right; they hadn’t had fun in ages. Donnie suddenly had his lightbulb moment.

[Y/N] needed a spirit-lifter then just as much as she needed medical attention. Donnie couldn’t let her keep sulking alone with herself, and then putting on a brave face when he came to check on her. It was only moments like when she stared at the fire that she left anyone know how bad it was all seeming.

I can’t only try my hardest. I can't just be her doctor. I have to be her friend, Donnie answered his former question, knowing what he wanted to do.

“[Y/N],” he said. He set down his can. “How much energy do you have?”

She could tell he had an idea, the boy’s face always showed it. Her eyes left the fire as she looked at him with interest. “I’m not totally inert. What do you have in mind?” she inquired, curious.

Everyone gave Donnie a wondering look which he winked to as he checked the time. “When’s the last time you saw the sunrise?” he asked, already on his feet and holding out a hand for her to take. “If we head out now, we can find a good spot,” he tempted. Donnie’s face was sweet as ever, as if everything would be alright for a few minutes.

Any of the boys or April could have questioned that decision, but they kept their mouths shut, understanding that they’d want to be allowed a moment of peace in all the chaos if they were in her shoes. Leo held back his reluctance.

A chance to see the sunrise over New York City again? She could muster energy for that. She wiped her eyes of the lingering tiredness and grabbed his hand, letting him help pull her up. “I don’t think I’ve seen a sunrise in a year. It sounds great, Donnie,” she responded. “I’ll just…give me a minute and I’ll be ready to go,” she said, putting some pep in her step as she left to go to the lab. Donnie considered following her to see what she was up to, but decided against that, instead going to get his staff before they left. Casey strode up to his side while he geared up.

“Goin’ out?” queried Casey, resting his bat on his shoulder. “Shouldn’t she be in bed or something?”

Donnie grabbed his grappling hook and fastened it to himself. “We’re not going far, Jones, and she could use the vitamin D,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

“What about nasties?”

Slipping his staff into his belt, Donnie replied, “Infected don’t attack other infected. They’re like, invisible to them. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about more than you.”

Casey didn’t say anything and watched as Donnie went to his lab to find [y/n] slipping in through the door from outside, wiping her chin of something, he noticed. She coughed a little and composed herself just as he spotted her. “Some fresh air,” she laughed, and staved off a thick cough. She felt like there was something in her throat. “We can go now. Lead the way.”

She walked out into the dim morning, pulling her coat in. Donnie stood still a few seconds watching her, somber. With a deep breath, he set out after.

Moving swiftly through the low rooftops, Donnie was sure to avoid infested buildings. About a mile away was the one he had his eye on, the highest accessible point nearby for them to see the horizon from. He helped her out wherever he needed to—which were a lot of places—but, eventually, they came to and were only level with the second story of the building, and [y/n] was too weak to climb like him. The grappling hook wouldn’t hold two people, either.

“Here, get on my shell,” Donnie instructed, taking a knee. He looked over his shoulder with a smile. “Don’t worry, I won't drop you. I’m no Raph, but I’m pretty strong.”

“If you’re sure,” she said. He hooked his hands underneath her knees and stood up as she adjusted her grip on his shoulders. He was telling the truth—he handled her weight well, for the thinnest of the turtles. He definitely was as, if not stronger than he looked. She gazed up at the roof. “It’s pretty high up!”

Gauging what the easiest way up there would be, he replied confidently, “And no problem for a ninja.”

He started the climb up, utilizing stairwells, ac units, water towers and higher roofs to ascend as far as they could the easy way. He vaulted a gap between buildings and grabbed into the beam of a billboard, pulling them up. He denied himself the pause he almost took remembering when it felt as though the city was passing them by under their feet as they ran the rooftops at night, not him passing these still, empty streets. A wave of nostalgia washed by as he made his last jump, gripping the edge of a window. Back then, the city had been alive. People shouting, cars honking all through the night, sirens; the ruckus of New York had always been a background noise in his life, and the silence was unsettling. He channeled his momentary glimpse of sadness into his drive to fix everything. All that he needed was in that lab.

Grunting, he heaved them over the lip of the building and let her down. He checked the time on his T-Phone—6:06 AM. They’d made it just in time.

“Perfect timing,” he said, satisfied. They walked to the edge of the building, the grey-blue sky above them slowly getting lighter. On the horizon, the sun was starting to peak, an orange strip of light spanning the edge of the world.

At least if something were to happen, she’d gotten to see a sunrise again, [y/n] thought as she looked out. The city was foggy, with slivers of pale light starting to filter through buildings. With bleary eyes, she couldn’t quite distinguish everything, but she knew it had to be even better clear.

“It’s pretty,” she said softly. She turned to him. “Donnie, thanks for—”

He looked surprised. His mouth hang slightly open, eyes trained in the distance instead of the sun. “No way,” he breathed out. His hand instinctively reached for his staff. She tilted her head seeing his concern and was about to ask what was wrong, but squinted her eyes instead, and saw it: a moving mass of unknown proportions plodding through the streets in the distance. In silence, Donnie’s brain worked out the math.

A population of approximately 8.3 million as of 2013. A few thousand evacuated and a few thousand fled as the plague broke out—subtract about twenty thousand, he guessed. A lot of people unaccounted for, there. Whatever the numbers were, they were huge.

“Oh, my God…” [y/n] whispered.

Seeing it for himself, time felt like it has come to a halt. Both of them simply stood there for a minute straight looking out at the enormous cluster of infected, neither saying anything. Donnie felt his eyes go wide. He'd been expecting bad, but not like this. Reality hit them; they needed to get home and pull the vehicles around. Immediately.

Donnie was able to break from his trance before she had, so he touched her upper arm, getting her attention. “We gotta tell the others,” he said with a sudden sense of urgency. He pulled her along with him, “Right now. Let’s go!”  

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt x reader #tmnt donatello x reader #tmnt donatello #tmnt donnie #donatello tmnt #tmnt apocalypse au #donatello x reader #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt 2012 #the race to find the cure

[awindylife-writes]

After the End (Comes the Beginning)

Relationships: 10th Doctor x reader, Donna x reader (platonic), Donna x Doctor (platonic), Rose x reader (mentioned, platonic)

Summary: Christmas bride rewrite. The Doctor and you cope with the loss of Rose and meet Donna.

Warnings: mentions of the loss of Rose

Genre: angst

You lost her.

You lost Rose and she didn't even get to finish her sentence before you and the Doctor were ripped away.

You were standing in the TARDIS with her last words ringing in your ears. You stared at the wall where she'd stood just a second ago. You were sinking to your knees and you didn't even notice with your vision blurred, too many tears to see through.

Too much pain to get up.

A sob interrupted your quiet litany of "Nononononononononono-" and you hadn't even known you were speaking. You tried to catch your breath but you seemed to have forgotten how to take air in. The only thing that existed was the hole in your chest.

Then the Doctor's teary face appeared in your vison. His hands were gripping your arms. He was calling for you.

"Y/N. Y/N. Y/N." There was desparation in his voice and so much grief  in his eyes that it woke you up.

Because he'd lost Rose too. He loved her too, you three had been best friends and after all that he'd lost he must have been breaking. And if there was one thing you wouldn't stand for now, it was leaving him alone.

"I'm here." You wiped your tears with your palms and looked into his deep brown shattered eyes. "I'm here, Doctor, and l'm not leaving." You tried for a smile as you gently took his face in your hands and wiped his tears with your thumb.

When you saw he'd heard you, you pulled him into your arms. You were clinging to each other and you weren't sure if you were ever going to stop. Ever.

Then you heard a gasp and a shocked squeak. You and the Doctor broke apart enough to look at the strange woman who was now standing in TARDIS. You both stood up out of astonishment to see her better.

"What?" you heard the Doctor's incredoulus voice. You simply stared. If you hadn't been desolate, the sight would have been hilarious.

There was a ginger bride standing in the TARDIS asking, "Who are you?" and there was no clue to explain how she got there.

You found yourself smiling.

"What?" the Doctor breathed again. You thought you might start laughing but then you looked at him. He still had teartracks on his face.

The reality came back like a slap.

"Who are you?" she demanded, and you just

stared.

"What?" The Doctor seemed to be caught in a loop so you stepped towards her.

"Hi. My name's Y/N and this is the Doctor. You're standing in the TARDIS."

"You can't do that l wasn't- we're in flight that is- that is physically imposible how did you-" the Doctor was rambling away but the ginger cut him off.

"Tell me where l am," she told you with force. "I demand you tell me RIGHT NOW where am l?"

"Inside the TARDIS," you repeated and she focused on you.

"The what."

"The TARDIS."

"The what?"

"The TARDIS."

"The what???"

"It's called the TARDIS," the Doctor finally joined in.

"That's not even a proper word!"

~

When the Doctor went to get money from the ATM, you went with him. You'd have stayed with Donna before, before, but not now. You were not letting him out of your sight. Judging by the panicked look in his eyes when he checked if you were following him he felt the same.

~

You turned him away from the partying crowd, towards the bar. You'd recognized the look in his eyes as he watched the dancing couples, it mirrored how you felt inside.

You hugged him close and he buried his face into your shoulder.

Then you noticed the cameraman.

~

You screamed at Lance when he said those horrible things about Donna. You made sure she knew she isn't alone. You held her hand.

Then when she was crying in the TARDIS and the Doctor didn't notice, you held her.

~

When the empress of the Racknoss screamed, you got lost. She screamed in grief, and there was just as much of it in you.

Donna pulled you out of it.

There would be enough time to grieve when this was over, and then you would never get lost again.

~

"I'll just, go out there and do something," Donna finished with a smile. You exchanged looks with the Doctor.

"Well, you could always..." he began.

"What?"

"Come with us." You stepped towards her. There was so much hope in you but you tried to keep it at bay. You didn't think you could take much more hurt today.

"No," Donna said in a soft voice. Well, so much for that.

"Okay," the Doctor reacted immediately.

"I can't," Donna told you sadly.

"No, that's fine!"

"No but really though, I mean everything we did today- Do you live your life like that?"

"Not all the time," you tried, but you knew it was no use. It wasn't true.

"I think you do. And I couldn't," Donna shook her head.

"But you've seen it out there," you tried. "It's beautiful."

"And it's terrible. That place was flooding and bruning and they were dying and he stood there like-" Donna turned to the Doctor. "I don't know. A stranger."

"And then you made it snow, I mean you scare me to death!" She turned back to you. "The both of you!"

"Well then," said the Doctor.

But then Donna went on, "Tell you what I will do, though- Christmas dinner."

She was followed by silence.

You couldn't speak, not when you could see Jackie's gentle smile as she passed you your cup. And then you could hear Mickey laugh while you scooped the turkey on your plate. Home, they had been your home, Rose and Jackie and Mickey, all that warmth and joy and ease, because you hadn't had to pretend when they were there. No, every moment was a gi-

"Oh come on." Donna's voice broke you out of the dream. Because that was what it was now, and that was what it would stay - a dream.

"No, no, we couldn't," you tried to decline. You couldn't sit down with a family, and be happy, and let it be Christmas. Not now. The memory of Mickey and Jackie burned, but Rose -

Not without Rose. Not when it felt like half your chest was missing. It had been less than a day.

"We don't do that sort of thing," the Doctor joined in.

"You did it last year, you both said so, and might as well, because mom always cooks enough for twenty," she tried.

"Donna," you said and there was something in your voice that stopped her (grief). "We can't." You let your sorrow show, and you hadn't wanted to do that.

But it was so, so close, just below the surface, everything in you was screaming, still screaming Nononononono ROSE!!!! There had been enough danger and adrenaline to distract you, but now that you were standing there in the snow, you couldn't keep the gnawing pain at bay. You were splintering.

She looked into your eyes, and you knew she understood. "Will I ever see you again?"

The Doctor gave her a soft smile. "If we're lucky."

Then you stepped towards Donna and she hugged you, even though you were both damp from the rain. She lifted her head from your shoulder and adressed the Doctor, "Just... hold onto her." She gave you a tight squeeze. "You need someone to stop you."

"Yeah," his voice was so soft you almost couldn't catch it.

And now it was time to go. You pulled away, but before you let go, you smiled and looked into Donna's brilliant blue eyes. "Thank you." You squeezed her arm so she knew you really meant it.

"And good luck," the Doctor wished Donna as you stepped backwards to join him. "And just... be magnificent."

She chuckled. "I think I will, yeah."

The Doctor opened the TARDIS door for you and you stepped in, but then Donna called out for you to wait and you both turned back. "What?"

"That friend of yours, what was her name?" she asked and you were ashamed you hadn't told her yet.

"Rose," you and the Doctor said in one voice. "Her name was Rose," you repeated and then there was nothing left to say.

You gave Donna a sad smile and turned away. The Doctor closed the door behind you and walked to the concole. You joined him just in time to grab a hold of it when the TARDIS started shaking.

You were off to the stars.

~

"Do you blame me?" the Doctor said in a tight voice when it was quiet. It was just the two of you again. You'd been hugging, and then he'd pulled away just enough to see your face and ask.

"What?" You had a small idea what he meant, but you didn't want to believe it. He wouldn't meet your eyes.

"Do you blame me for losing Rose?" he clarified, looking down at your joined hands. "I was supposed to keep you safe. I promised l would keep you both safe. And l didn't." His voice broke on the last word. His shoulders were tense, like he was bracing for a hit. You realized he'd braced himself because he thoght you wanted to leave him.

And all you wanted to do was smack him.

"Doctor, listen to me. And listen well," you commanded as you gently tilted his chin to look him in the eye. "Are you listening?" you demanded, and he nervously replied, "Yes."

"Good. What happened to Rose was not your falt. Did you hear me? Not. your. fault. I do not, and will never blame you for her loss."

He stared at you with his big brown eyes, lips slightly parted. He was completely lost, like he couldn't comprehend what you were saying.

"We knew that it was dangerous, we knew what could happen. It was her choice to stay, like it was mine. It could have been me just as easily."

His grip on your arm tightened as he shook his head, whispering "No, nononono," like he couldn't let himself imagine that posibility.

But you went on, "Or it could have been you, or none of us. That's the risk we took, that's the risk we both chose to take, from the moment we started travelling with you."

"It was our choice. Rose's and mine. And you don't get to take it from us, you hear me? You don't get to take her choice away like it was something you decided, like it was something only you did. She loved us and chose us and she was brave. So the consequences came, yes, like every other adventure we had, it's just that this time we don't like them. But they are ours and we'll live with them." There was stinging in your eyes and you didn't fight it. You cupped the Doctor's cheek with your hand. His brown eyes were wide, as if he just now came to understand what you'd said. What you'd meant.

You went on, "I'll grieve, and l'll hurt and so will you. But l'd rather have that time, the memories of Rose, of us together and the pain, than not to have had her at all." Your throat tightened and you had to swallow a few times to be able to speak again. You took a breath and finished, "So remember, Doctor, the choice was hers, and the choice is mine."

He had tears glittering on his cheeks and so did you. You held his gaze until he closed his eyes and hung his head, and then you hugged him.

You held him close and he clung to you even though he was shaking. You both sobbed but still you held each other.

You would hold each other together.

#doctor who #doctor who x reader #the doctor x reader #tenth doctor x reader #10th doctor x reader #the doctor #10th doctor #tenth doctor #doctor who fanfiction #reader insert #donna x reader #rose x reader #donna noble #rose tyler #donna noble x reader #rose tyler x reader #donna x doctor #donna noble x doctor

[starshipsofstarlord]

𝑅𝑂𝑃𝐸𝑆 𝑂𝐹 𝑆𝑇𝐴𝑅𝐷𝑈𝑆𝑇

Summary: Kaz had faced two of his fears - almost watching you die and going against his touch aversion. And now he has to deal with the consequences that not only burden him, but also yourself

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of violence, touch aversion,

Word Count: 3255

Masterlist Link

The night, it’s integrity toiled with you, as you say at the camp, with Inej planning on abandoning you all, and Jesper missing that bleating goat. It made you wonder of what direction that you should pursue going in, as you ogled up at the glittered sky, the sequinned stars glinting mischievously back at you. You were nothing other than a speck in the world, as they were in the laminated skyline, the Saints and dark generals were the ones that whisked you down such demeaning paths. The crows were to scurry from their brash threats and existences, the journey of catching the sun summoner had been all for nought.

Not a kruge had been earned in your name, the small bump of adventure had inevitably ended up as being a waste of both resources and time. And now the task of returning through the dreary and life threatening fold lay at your feet; such a plain that was created from pure evil was nerve wrecking. You’d never be considered as one of the goods that served the gods, but you were nowhere close to the Darkling’s maleficence. Had he not only taken hostage of a symbol to all geisha, but your veins were adeptly black, and the toxic venom was spreading with each hour that sourly passed. None of your fellow murder knew of the state that was combusting you; you had saved Kaz, with no regrets of doing so. That dagger had landed in Aleksander’s shoulder, and he had spread his shadowing cloud over to you, tormenting you with the image of complete destruction.

You were lucky to have escaped from his entrapment, Kaz had saved you, whisking your from the overbearing plough of suffering, even grabbing you with his glove covered hands, pressuring himself to do such an act to keep you alive. Though, you didn’t know how much longer you would remain so, and that was why you were gazing up at the constellations; hoping that you’d end up in their blazing glorification. Perhaps you’d survive, nothing was known of your current condition. Or you’d be cursed, turned grisha or something significantly worse. One thing that you’d learned on this gruelling mission was that anything was possible, even Kaz had made a step in his discomfort to rescue you, hauling you away from your inevitable doom by the arm, and stepping into the shrouding darkness. If it had not been for him, then you’d surely have composed into a defiled corpse, ripped apart by the darkness that Aleksander exhibited, and had enhanced through ancient looms that had been integrated onto absorbable parchment.

“I see that you’re less tense; does this mean that you are no longer mad at me?” His voice rang in your ears, prompting you to grind your teeth together as though you were mashing up crystals of salt. Eternally, you were grateful for the risk he had taken to ensure that you would not meet whichever saint you believed in once you travelled through the ropes of pitch and certain demise. You refused to give him the source of satisfaction of giving him your undivided attention; most feared him enough to comply and give him all the attentiveness he demanded as he struck his cane upon a surface, however, unlike those commoners, there was nothing about Kaz Brekker that struck fear in you. He were merely a man, whilst albeit had done some unforgivable things, had suffered same as everyone else, but terribly more so. “I’ll take your silence as a no then, should I?”

In turn, you crossed the folding origami of your arms over the expanse of your chest, and continued to ogle your pupils up towards the passageway of luminescence that hung like a chain in the velvet sky, causing Dirty Hands himself as he had been known, to release a heartfelt huff of frustration. It had taken quite the toll on him to oppose his own serious paranoia, and yet here you were, ignoring him after the cold events. Gulping, you couldn’t help but have annoyance seed in you as he continued to hover his presence beside you, he was using the tactic on purpose, full well knowing that it would eventually have you splintering until you cracked. You’d always had a soft spot for Kaz since the day you had met him; he was so brutally concurred with the ways of making a victim squeal like a sow giving birth, yet there continued to be an innocence within him, of which he hid from most. It was quite the contrast, as were his child like eyes that bore into you like his wish was to make you frail from poised embarrassment until you disappeared into a fine speck on the shoulder of his coat.

That was an irrational thought though, Kaz Brekker simply wanted to know, and not for the first time, why you disposed of reciprocated speech, and chose to pretend to be deaf to his consolation that he was attempting to reprimand with you. “Because if you remain to be angered with me saving your life, then, I would like to know. I’m not going to scoundrel around your presence all evening, we’re going to have to start moving sooner rather than later if we ever hope to get upon the route that I have planned. As useful as your combat is, and irreplaceable as I may think you are at times, I will allow you to go on your own path as you wish. You aren’t the only one that wants to part from the crows; Inej also has intentions to. If this is also because of the sun summoner, then they are freely your beliefs, though I certainly think you have the strength to strive towards something controversially more.” Inej leaving - that was news to you, and thus you finally surrendered, turning to him with spite written upon features, and commenced in supervising his lean form with integral eyes.

“To where do you have plans to go Kaz?” In turn, the volume of your sound increased, as you marked him as your target of choice. “And you’re right, I am pissed that you decided to save me rather than prioritising your own life; if anything were to happen to you, I’m not sure how I’d handle it. I have an inkling of a feeling that I wouldn’t even be able to. That’s because if you weren’t here I’d probably go crazy and envelop myself in a spiralling madness of which I’d be averted onto a path of nothingness. You are the one that has gifted me with a purpose, and time and time again you continue to preserve my life and I’m not sure I can cope with that. Just knowing that you are willing to throw yourself in the eye of danger to ensure that I do not meet my eventual end that is coming anyway. And worst of all, you faced off against that no good, dirty grisha, murderous General. Do you have any idea of what he would have done to you if he were to explicitly, and cruelly as are his routines, contort your body into the whim of his Darkling abilities.”

“I have an idea or two.” He admitted, toying with the fingers of his gloves, relieved to not see what lay beneath the leather. He stared at you in the face, feeling sickened from the sight of the creases that promoted your frown that was directed thoroughly towards him. It wasn’t a good feeling to be on the other end of your diverging glare, it was making him conflicted with the perishing of his emotions. A part of him was laughing inside that he was intimidated by someone, a woman no less, the other was rather impressed with your ample stubbornness. Now that was one thing that the two of you had in common; you both stood like stone, shadowing behind your beliefs or there lack of, as though Medusa had fixed the pair of you with her grey glazed glare, and forced you to be the way that you were. “And it was in fact you who decided to save my life first, I was merely returning the favour.” He now took it as his shift to allow his eyes to travel up into the beyond, the highlights that flawed his irises being triggered by the ambience that strobed in the frustrated sky, that was getting more antsy by each second that passed.

“I saved your life because I care about you, not because I value your skills and require them. That is a vast difference that separated us from being merely a single detail in a rope of stars. We’re separate in thought, and consolably close in real time and space, that fate has chosen us to be. We were both close to death in that second, he could have tarnished us both if that were his main priority, and we should be thankful that he realised that we were not lying when the admittance of not knowing of Alina Starkoff’s whereabouts fell off our tongues like misconducted liquor.” Your voice cracked, thinking about Kaz dead was the last thing that you wanted to obscure your mind, however it was the only thing that was roaming around the space like a moth darting around in a light fixture, having fallen captive to its own instinctive nature to fly too close to the example of fire. “Never, and I mean this Kaz, step in the path of death that narrows in my sights; I’d rather it be me than you of whom takes a fall into such a never ending abyss. You’re the face of this operation, and I am merely a killer that you decided to take under your wing whence times got too tough for either of us to cope alone.”

“I am not bound to make any promises, especially when you speak of accepting death so gracefully. And to answer your prior question, we are returning to Ketterdam, and I- i um-“ he fidgeted, his jaw contained to clench and release in a rhythm as he attempted to get the words out. “I need you to come with me on this, trust me, I have a plan, one that does not involve you dying. There will be no funerals that parallel this task ahead of us, if anything happens, you are my priority.” The heart felt ropes of words interlocked, much like the passage of beaming stars that made a blanket in the material of the sky; they shon stirringly in the abyss of the above, daring to deter you as its source of focus, causing you to freeze up as Kaz spoke his difficult to say words. “And when we get the one million kruge, that is when I will allow you to go out on your own, then you will have the expenses to protect yourself, and disappear if we cannot manage to end this eternal wrath that the grisha and hierarchy establish through the existence of the fold, they turn the tides of where whomever can go, and if they are gone, you shall have the freedom to venture to the place that your heart most desires, you’d no longer have to be trapped by my side similarly to my cane.”

“Everything that you are saying is tipping my head upside down; that I out of everyone, am your priority and that you are to set me free like a bird that has been trapped in a cage? Perhaps, this is a situation that it seems not you have enquired to think of, but I do not want to leave your side, even if I can. If I so much as wanted to, I’d have taken the chance to wrangle free in the midst of the journey from Ketterdam to these exasperating lands that want us to be persecuted for this job that we have taken underneath our midnight wings, though if you hadn’t noticed, I remain here. And whilst I wouldn’t have been peripherally if you weren’t to have saved me from my possible annihilation, I still have no intentions of abandoning you in any way, although that resolutes from you openly willing to take the risk of your own life in order to preserve my own. Never, and I compensate that with defiance, do that again.” You swiped your finger towards him, watching as the crease between his brows stiffened and grew deeper like a crescent that exhibited itself in the lawns of time, he poised his head back at your jurisdiction, clearly offended by your selfless demand.

“I cannot make that promise, there are little to no things that I have connective nurturing for; money and wealth stomp on nearly anything, but to me your life is priceless, even if your opinions do not retrograde the same reflection of worth.” His palm was shaky beneath its armour of leather as he went to reach for your hand, it took him a minute or so until he paid the dues of contact, but he faced his greatest fear, and denied avoiding contact. The prospect of Kaz touching anyone, let alone it being you, stirred a strange sensation through your body, as though you were being electrocuted via a storm, more specifically, a bolt of lightning that shot down from the angry clouds, shooting adrenaline and a high pulse through every limb of your form. “Do not mistake me for not having care towards Inej and Jesper, but without you I’d lose the path of succeeding through all my personal struggles, because you are the one thing that reminds me to continue to fight all of the harms in the world that wish to prosecute us, as though we are rodents that climb out from the sewers and run through the streets, poisoning them. There is a strong suit that wraps around me, stubbornly suffocating my interests, so that I have an avoidance of ever allowing anything to proceed to happen to you - get that through that steel skull of yours, you are smart and strong and my number one mine of gold for me to protect.”

“Kaz…” it felt like a forbidden sentence slipping off your tongue, simply by saying his name. You gave his hand a squeeze, noticing how he stiffened for a moment, and then relaxed a second later, getting used to the notion of silent amorist exchange; his blue eyes scalped every inch of your face, staring at the skin that compressed against your bone structure, the twinkle of the stars illuminating each distinctive feature that condoned your image. “I don’t know what I should say it’s - it is like we have been risking everything for nothing. And I am no gold mine, I cannot get us all that kruge, and I sure as hell can’t beat against the most powerful grisha known to man. I may be strong, but I am not strong enough. I may be smart, but certainly not smart enough. Overall, to everyone I am missing something, and it makes me wonder what else you see in me rather than an opportunist that can bring men to their knees in a second by sweeping beneath them, ready to swipe anything of value that they carry within the income of their pockets.” Drifting on their own accord, your eyes diverted once more to gaze up into the magnificent scenery that stroke above; each star was different within its placement, as well as how much it glowed under the pressure of insistent staring. It was as truly beautiful sight, and as you accorded your eyes to focus on the chord of light, Kaz’s eyes remained tuned upon your perseverance.

“The fact is you could bring any man, including myself,“ he gulped for a moment, feeling just how cheesy his words were as they spewed out, before he continued. Each word he spoke with giving you a new light that you saw Kaz under, he was not just a ruthless killer that likened to getting his hands dirty on a job, he was human like everyone else, many people seemed to forget that. But he had never appeared more humane as he did in the second with you, his hand clasped foreignly in the clasp of your own, and his eyes void of all intent, they were pure and for a second juridical with the haven of content. He wasn’t envisioning good, he was allowing himself to see what was right in front of him. “To their knees.” He finished his sentence, only to go on and elongate the mercenary like talk that he often had a problem with discussing. Though now could be the last moments that he could open up in such a way; it was uncertain how the turn of planned events would turn out, sailing through the fold was a danger all in itself, a toiling threat that was pushing you all forwards with a stern hand on each of your backs. “And you don’t even have to lift a finger to do so, every emotion you make me emit makes me possess a vigil weakness that I try to keep hidden, but in order to get the last of my strength through it, I acquire to get this off my chest before we venture to our next route. I care deeply for you, when I’m around you it feels like I am beneath water, the liquid gurgling in my lungs like sickening liquor. I have never felt this way, not have I ever had a desire to be monitored by these virtual sources, but they’re here, as are we.”

Taking a sturdy breath, you raised Kaz’s gloved hand and aligned it with your lips, gently pressing a kiss to the material that separated your skin. “You will not lose me Brekker, I’m not going anywhere. We’ve gotten this far, and that’s impressive all on its own. The trip back to Ketterdam cannot be as difficult as our journey here, we endured betrayal from that oaf that helped us cross the border, we got in and out of the Little Palace unscathed, and escaped the General on another account. I’d say that’s quite impressive, and behind every ploy you have been the grand mastermind. So let’s go home, and we can pick this up from there. ‘Tis a shame though, the stars don’t quite shine as bright back there, but we’ll have each other, and that is enough to brighten and guide me through the nights.” His lips stretched at the sides, depositing an appearance of relived thought. There had merely not been much of a fight between you on the situation, if he were to have pried any further about your safety he was sure there’d have been, but things had settled before they reached that stage. The primary battle though was to be against one of the most powerful grisha to walk the earth, of whom was keeping the Sun Summoner hostage. But as you had supposed, things would work themselves out. “I’m going to check on Inej, I won’t be a second.” He remembered the smile on your face as you trekked off, it was a notion to which he analysed that you were one of the few people who were kind to him. Once you were out of his vision, he looked up at the stars. There may have been no saints resting up there, but it sure was a peaceful view.

#kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker oneshot #kaz brekker x oc #kaz imagine #kaz x reader #kaz brekker fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone x you #shadow and bone #imagines #imagine #xreader #freddy carter x reader #Freddy Carter imagine #freddy carter imagines #s&b fic #s&b imagine #s&b x reader

[literaila]

beg, scream, laugh

spencer reid x reader 

summary: maeve dies. spencer needs someone. needs more. 

warnings: messy, disorganized, typos, angst, fluff?, pining, break downs, yelling

a/n: hahahahahahahahaha so i wrote this in two hours and i know i said i wasnt going to but.. i lied, so uhhhh yeah enjoy it? sorry if you dont like it.. 

*

Something inside of her was telling her no. 

She could hear it, shouting, screaming at her to stop, to leave, to walk away before she could do anything she knew was wrong. 

It was yelling at her so loud and clear, so loud, but. He was standing in front of her. 

It had been two weeks without seeing him, two weeks of wondering where he was, where he had gone. She’d been worried about him for two weeks and now he was standing in front of her, his eyes were swollen, he looked like he hadn't eaten in days, and she could tell, she could just tell with one glance of him, that he was broken. Splintered into pieces. 

He didn't look like her best friend. He looked like a shadow of the man he had been two weeks ago. 

A poor shadow. 

And something was yelling at her to stop, begging her to leave, get in her car and drive away, check on him again tomorrow, let him, let her process this without doing anything first. 

She’d heard screams before. She heard them pleading, begging to stay safe, begging fellow people, fellow human beings to make the right choice, begging for their lives. She’d heard screams before. 

She was no stranger to screams. 

And for a moment, the screaming in her head seemed familiar. Too familiar. 

But, he was there. Standing in front of her. 

And she missed the way he’d been smiling only three weeks ago, she’d missed the passion, the desperation that she’d seen in him. She’d missed his voice, and his face, and his ridiculous memory. 

She missed the Spencer that wasn't collapsing into pieces. 

And, ignoring the voice, she thought, maybe. Just maybe. She could get him back. Maybe this would be good. Be so good for the two of them, maybe it would be good for him, maybe she could save him as he’d always saved her. Maybe, just maybe, she could make things better. For once, maybe she could be his whole. Bring him back to life. 

Maybe, she thought. 

And there was screaming, of course, it was in the background, like she was watching a movie like it wasn't really her own mind screaming at her. Of course, it didn't just go away. No matter how many things she reassured herself of, she could hear the voice, yelling, screaming, pounding on her body, begging her to stop. 

Screaming. It sounded so distant. 

Maybe. Just maybe. 

And so, when Spencer had asked when he had mumbled the soft words against her head, so close to her, so much closer than they’d ever been before. When he mumbled and sounded nothing like himself, nothing like the friend she had known three weeks again, when he mumbled to her, whimpered out only one more word. 

When he’d told her, please. 

She kissed him back. 

* 

Weeks before, she looked at him as Spencer. Nothing else but Spencer. 

She’d looked at him and she had appreciated the smile that seemed to be plastered on his face. She’d liked the way he seemed happier lately like there was nothing wrong with the world. She’d been glad that he was so happy. 

He seemed okay. And she was just happy about that. 

She’d looked at him like he was Spencer weeks ago, and she hadn't seen anything. Nothing else. 

She’d worked side by side with him, teasing him, telling him that he was ridiculous, laughing with him like they always did, walking around an office and talking to him, discussing with him like they always did. 

She’d worked with him side by side and he was glowing. Lit up like the sun. 

And she’d appreciated it. 

She’d looked at her friend. 

At Spencer. 

And she hadn't seen anything else. 

He was just...

There hadn't been anything else. Nothing else. 

There used to be nothing else. 

* 

A week ago, Spencer, a shadow, had pulled her into his apartment. Had grabbed her face like it was the only thing keeping him from falling off the face of the earth. He’d squeezed her waist, tugged on her hair, bit her lips. He’d held onto her and they’d stood in his apartment. 

It had felt like an eternity.  

He’d kissed her, tried to put himself back together. 

A week ago, she and Spencer had made out in his apartment, only two weeks after his girlfriend had died. And then once she left they hadn't spoken a word. Not a single glance since then. 

Spencer had gone back to work that week, reassured the rest of their friends that he was fine, that he needed to get out, that staying at home all day reminiscing over the time was not helping him. That he wasn't going to cope like that. 

And they’d all accepted. Hotch had been there before. They understood. 

None of them had mentioned anything that had happened, they hadn't checked to make sure if Spencer was okay when they knew he wasn't. They didn't call on him at night when he was alone at home to make sure he was sleeping. Didn't text him nice words during the day, didn't see if he was doing alright when they were away on cases. 

Not one person had said anything. 

Because they all knew Spencer, they knew that he wanted to stay quiet about it. That he was going to be silent until he was ready. Hell, none of them had ever known he’d had a girlfriend until he needed their help. It was just who he was. 

But the silence, it was terrifying. 

Ever since the night that he had kissed her, Y/N and Spencer hadn't said anything to each other. They hadn't mentioned a single word. 

And that silence between the two of them was terrifying. 

She knew that he needed someone, knew that someone needed to be checking on him, even if it wasn't obvious, he needed someone. And she was supposed to be that someone. The rest of the team assumed she was. 

But, she was frozen. 

After what had happened, what she had done, what he had asked. She couldn't say a thing, didn't feel any words ready to come out of her mouth when he was around. She couldn't mumble a single word to him. 

She was terrified, scared that he was mad, that he hated her now, that he was heartbroken and miserable and she had only made that worse. 

She was terrified that she couldn't do anything to help him after kissing him just once. 

She was terrified of herself. 

It was miserable. 

Because she watched him all the time. She checked to see if she could tell if he was okay if he was eating enough if he was drinking too much coffee if his mind seemed to be in check. She checked to make sure he still wasn't that splintering shadow she had seen a week ago, checked to make sure he was holding himself together. 

But she couldn't tell. Not from so far away. Not when they weren't talking to each other. 

It was miserable. 

And now it was Friday, almost exactly a week after their first kiss. And they were the last ones in the building. 

Y/N wasn't exactly sure why she was there, didn't really know what she had left to do, but she did know that Spencer was still there and that she wanted to make sure he was going to go home. 

She cared for him too much. 

So she sat at her desk, yawning while flicking the hula girl Derek had gotten her for her birthday. She was bored, she didn't have anything to do, and she was trying to be discreet about her staring. 

Spencer was filling out paperwork, scanning over the same papers again and again, and she wondered why it was taking so long but she couldn't say anything. 

And then finally, when the clock hit past eleven, she decided it was time to go. She decided that if she was really worried, she should call someone else to help him, because she couldn't talk to him, could barely breathe in the same room as him, and there was nothing she could do for him. So she would call Derek, and she would get him to check on Spencer and she would go home and crawl in bed and try not to sob while she slept. 

She packed up her bag and intended to do just that. 

She was tired, and it was dark and cold, and she was miserable. 

And she didn't hear Spencer calling after her when she got in the elevator. Didn't see him as the doors closed. 

She stood alone, waiting for it to reach the first floor. Ready to go home. Thinking of what she would say to Derek. 

And then she was walking out to her car, trying not to freeze, trying not to start crying so soon, but someone was walking behind her. 

“Y/N!” 

She turned around and saw Spencer, looked him right in the eyes for the first time in a week. 

“Didn't you hear me yelling? Are you okay?” he breathed out, looking more like a ghost than himself, his eyes wide. 

“What?” Y/N said shocked, forgetting everything that had happened, scared of the person she saw in front of her, and how much he had changed. 

“You were watching me all night, all week, and then you left. I wanted to make sure you’re okay?” 

Y/N’s eyes widened, looking similar to Spencer's. 

“Spence-” She looked away behind him, tried not to laugh, turned away a little bit. “You’re-” she almost broke down right there, turning away from him completely toward her car, breathing out a laugh while she thought over his words. 

Spencer was standing behind her, confused. 

“You’re asking me if I’m okay?” she laughed, turning back to him, running her hands through her hair, forgetting about the cold. 

Her body was shaking, her mind was rattling against her skull, surprised that Spencer was even talking to her after last week, surprised Spencer had even noticed anything. 

And Spencer was still confused. 

“Spencer.” She said, trying to get his attention again. “Have you seen yourself?” she laughed once, reminded herself that it wasn't funny. 

Spencer laughed a little bit too, looking uncomfortable. He rubbed a hand against his neck. 

“I don't know what to do,” he whispered, so low that she could barely hear him through the wind, so empty that Y/N felt like bursting into tears. 

And for the first time since she’d looked at him, she saw the thinning of his face, the dark circles under his eyes, his disarrayed hair, his red cheeks. She could see him, but it was so much different than it ever had been. 

His girlfriend had died. Right in front of him. And then, he was alone. 

He didn't know what to do. 

“I know Spence,” Y/N whispered, wanting to hug him but feeling frozen to the ground, similar to how she’d felt all week, just looking at him. 

“Will you tell me what to do Y/N? Because I don't know how I don't know how to move on, I don't know how to breathe without her.” 

His voice broke. 

She took a deep breath in. 

“She's gone. And I couldn't save her. I couldn't do anything to help her. That's my job!” he yelled, turning away from her, his body suddenly wild with bitterness, the two of them suddenly surrounded by anger. “I was supposed to save her, to keep her safe and I couldn't! And she's dead.” 

And then he shrunk. 

And Y/N swore, she swore she watched him crumble in front of her. He was standing tall, standing the same as he had been a second ago. But he was falling to the floor, she could feel him breaking, could see the hands tearing his body in half. He was crumbling to the floor and she didn't move. 

“I can't breathe. She’s dead. And I’m worried about how I can't breathe.” 

His eyes were wild as he turned back to look at her, he looked so different, so hurt in front of her and Y/N felt herself breaking with him, she could feel his pain in her bones in her blood and she didn't know what to do, she didn't know what she could do, and she forgot that he was Spencer, she forgot because she couldn't see her best friend in front of her. 

This was someone else. 

“God,” he laughed, running hands through his hair. “She's never going to breathe again and I’m worried about me.” 

His eyes were wild, they were so different. So unlike him. And Y/N could almost see what was going to happen before it did. 

She could see him moving forward, she could feel the wind against her face, the heavy breathing between the two of them. She could feel him against her skin, holding her close. She could feel his breath on her lips, intoxicating her, holding her hostage. She could taste him and she could feel herself under a trance, one she didn't know was there. 

And she could see all of this as he moved forward. She could see it. 

And she could hear the yelling in her head. She could hear the begging, the pleading, the yelling. It was so loud. 

And then he was pushing her against her car and he was breathing her in, swallowing her whole as the world collapsed between the two of them. And she was breaking, just like Spencer. But they were different. Spencer has splintered into pieces, falling apart bit by bit. 

But Y/N wasn't like that. 

No. 

She was a piece of glass. Shattering under his hands, falling to the floor, crashing against it. She was glass and she was breaking apart, all at once, and she was so fragile, and she didn't know what to do, and she didn't know anything, she didn't see anything, and she was glass falling against the floor, shattering under his hands. 

The world was collapsing under them. Spencer was whispering in her ear. 

I don't know what to do. 

I need you. 

Please

She was falling to pieces, breaking against him, and breathing him in. And this was only the second kiss they had shared and it was already too much, she could tell it was too much. 

And the yelling in her head was so loud. 

Come home with me 

Y/N was in the center of the universe, pieces of her turning to sand. 

And she whispered a yes against his lips. 

The yelling in her head, unbearable. 

*

She couldn't help but regret it. 

Couldn't help but feel sick every time Spencer smiled at her, every time he tried to talk to her at work. 

She couldn't help but feel like she had done something wrong. 

The voice in her head was taunting her, laughing. 

I told you so. 

She’d spent that night at Spencer's, stayed with him, woke up next to him in the morning, feeling like she had done something wrong, like everything was wrong. 

But Spencer was sleeping beside her, and he looked a little bit better.

So, she stayed in bed until he woke up. 

* 

A week later, when Spencer asked her to come home with him again. 

She thought about how terrible she felt, how terrible she felt to be kissing Spencer, to be standing next to him in the elevator, talking to him when she knew that she was doing something wrong. 

She thought. 

And then she’d noticed how his shadow disappeared a bit, how he was standing like he used to. 

She couldn't regret saying yes. 

*

A month later she didn't know what was happening. 

She knew that it was a normal thing for her to come over to Spencer's house on weekends. 

She knew that he smiled a little bit more now. 

She knew that he hadn't mentioned Maeve in a while. 

She knew that sometimes he seemed almost normal. 

And she knew that she wasn't supposed to be spending nights with him. Kissing him when they were alone. 

She didn't know what was happening. 

She didn't know if he was using her if she was using him if there was something they needed to talk about. She didn't know if it would all be okay if they were going to be fine when this was all over. 

If this was ever going to be over. 

She didn't know what was happening. 

But on Friday nights, when they were alone in the elevator, and Spencer asked her if she wanted to go watch a movie at his apartment, rubbing her hip with his thumb. 

She knew that she ignored the yelling in her head. 

* 

And then three months later. 

Maybe she knew what was happening. 

Maybe she knew that what she was doing was wrong, that what they were doing was wrong. 

But she woke up on Saturday morning, she stared at him, made sure that he was still breathing. And when he woke up they made breakfast together, they laughed and Spencer seemed okay, and Y/N was looking into his eyes, checking to see if he was there. 

And she was looking at him. 

They were doing okay. 

It had been three months. Three months since their first kiss. 

And everything was normal now. Neither of them had mentioned what was happening, and they preferred it like that. 

Slowly, it seemed like Spencer was turning back into the person he used to be like he was keeping himself whole easier like he was doing better. 

And Y/N was glad. She couldn't stand to see him fall apart. 

And maybe she knew what was happening. 

Maybe she didn't. 

Either way, selfishness doesn't leave much room for thought. 

And neither do the voices in your head. 

*

It was a month later when Spencer asked if they could talk. 

And the world was spinning, normally. And when Spencer muttered the words, Y/N felt it stop. Felt everything stop for a moment, the world standing still. 

She pretended she didn't. 

Smiled at him. 

Told him sure that she was just going to finish making lunch. He could talk then. 

She tried not to let her hands shake, tried to keep herself from breathing too fast. 

And then he began to talk. 

“I think I’m finally ready. To talk about it,” Spencer said. 

And she nodded, thinking about how last weekend he had taken her to the library, read her a couple of chapters of his favorite book, asked her if she thought that people were good if they could repair mistakes, if sorry was enough. She remembered how they’d laughed together last week, thought about how she loved that. 

She nodded at his words, not looking up. 

“I’ve finally admitted it to myself.” 

“Hmm?” she hummed, her hands shaking, her mind whirling. Breathe. 

Something in her head was screaming. 

It was strange. 

That hadn't happened in a while. 

“I know what you’ve been doing for me,” Spencer said. 

And she finally looked up, her heart beating, her hands sweating. 

She remembered the night by her car, how he had screamed, how desperate he’d looked. She wondered how he could have known. 

“Doing what?” she whispered, the answer already in her head, hoping he didn't know. 

“Being with me. Taking care of me. Being there for whatever I needed.” 

I need you. 

The yelling had turned into whispers. 

It was strange. 

That hadn't happened in a while. 

The world started spinning again. She wondered why. 

“I-” she started. 

“And I’m so grateful. Honestly, I don't think I could have survived the past couple of months without you.” 

She thought about how Spencer had asked her to tell him what to do. What do you do? 

“Grateful?” she whispered, her eyes focused on him, on him, on them. What was she doing? What was there yelling? 

“I know it couldn't have been easy, and I’m sure that there were moments where you wanted to leave, to go somewhere, be with someone who wasn't mourning. But, I also know that you stayed. That you care about me.” 

Mourning. 

It was silly to think that she could have forgotten, that she could have forgotten her purpose, that she would've ever thought- 

“You’ve cared about me more than anyone else, and it was what I needed. And you’re so amazing. I’m so thankful for you. That I have you as a friend.” 

Please. 

Stop yelling. 

“But, I feel like I can hold myself together now. I feel like I’m not going to fall apart when I’m alone. And I don't want to do this to you anymore.” 

Anymore anymore anymore. 

Who is yelling? 

“You don't deserve this. You deserve someone who doesn't need you to hold themselves together, and I want you to start taking care of yourself again. And not me.” 

She nodded. 

“You’re an amazing friend. My best friend. And I’ll admit that I haven't been the greatest friend to you recently, that I’ve been using you even when I know it's not what you need. I know. I’m sorry.”

She remembered how she used to hear this yelling in her ear. Every time he was about to kiss her. She could hear something begging her to stop. 

How could she have forgotten? 

And she almost didn't recognize herself. SHe didn't know what was going on. 

“I hope you’ll still be my friend. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I needed to tell you this, I needed you to know how sorry I am, how terrible I feel for everything I’ve done.” 

She was looking in his eyes. 

They were so bright. 

She remembered the ghost that used to stand in front of her. 

“Y/N?” Spencer said, shaking her out of her world, out of everything. 

“What?” she asked, her voice quiet, monotone. 

“Are you okay? Are we okay?” he asked, and she could see him again, he looked like her best friend. Not nothing.  

Yelling. 

“Of course,” she said, her words coming out even though she felt like she couldn't think. 

“Of course,” she said again. Her words, nothing. 

Of course, they were okay. Of course, they were friends. Of course, it was okay. Of course of course of course. 

He didn't kiss her. He wasn't falling apart anymore. 

He was fine. 

She was fine. 

Of course, they were fine. 

She almost couldn't feel her feet as she walked out the door. 

Almost didn't notice her heart, which she had left on the floor, in front of Spencer. 

I told you so. 

*

“Please Y/N. I don't know what to do. 

I need- 

I need- 

Please. 

Please.”

 * 

Glass can be glued back together. The pieces coming together again. 

Of course, it can be fixed. 

But, when he held her in between his hands, squeezed so tight, threw her down on the floor. 

She forgot that glue wasn't strong enough. 

She wasn't strong enough. 

To stand a broken heart. 

And the voice in her head. 

It laughed.

* 

my masterlist here. 

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds rp #criminal minds headcanons #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fan #spencer reid fanfic #mgg x reader #mgg #mgg blurb #mgg fanfiction

[sugawara-sweetheart]

Scenario with Ukai where his father hires a new cute fem employee to help at the store, but Ukai didn’t know about it till she shows up the next day. Thank u!

𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱 (𝔪)

is it obvious i love cute but sexy girls? had to make it nsfw too because ugh come on ukai is a daddy hope you don’t mind anon😔

thank you @bunnykawa for reading my smut scene and making me not want to delete it all and throw my phone out of the window

ukai keishin x fem!reader

warnings: some swearing, ukai doesn’t know how to cope with feelings, a little manhandling, public sex, light degradation, ‘sir’ kink, idk it’s not that bad might be cringey i’ve never written proper smut before hope i don’t ruin ukai for any of you

word count: 5.3k

part ii

there’s not many times ukai keishin has wanted the ground to swallow him up.

except the time his toss went awfully wrong during one of his games at karasuno high school and accidentally smacked his third year crush in the face. and the time he offered to show a customer their new stock of baby food, realising a bit too late that she was not quite pregnant and more just a bit chubby. there was also the time he accidentally flicked cigarette ash at a kid- not that he had meant to but the kid was so small he just didn’t see the little toddler till they began bawling and ukai was met with an angry mother’s screams.

the poor twenty-something year old man just didn’t have much luck interacting with women so it wasn’t much of a surprise when he had accidentally attacked the newest employee of the Sakanoshita Store, gripping her in a vice-like headlock and pressing her against the counter as he demanded to know “what the fuck she was doing”. in his defence, she really did look suspicious when he had just entered the store for his morning shift from the back stockroom to see a stranger standing over the till, counting out the money. ukai had never quite felt so humiliated when he heard her strangle cry of “i’m trying to do my job!” and moments later, his father was rushing down the stairs to drag him off the poor girl.

it was rather awkward now. ukai couldn’t quite meet your eyes as you sat opposite him, carefully taking a cup of tea from his father with trembling hands. a small sigh left him, aware of his father’s pointed glare, as he massaged at the crease between his dark eyebrows.

“why didn’t you tell me we had a new employee?” ukai asked, a tone of exasperation prevalent in his voice. his cheeks were still burning with embarrassment and he felt worse as he noticed your eyes flickering up to him.

“your mother and i just decided it spontaneously.” his father said as he opened up the biscuit tin. he held it out to you first and ukai felt even worse as you grinned excitedly to pick up a little ginger biscuit. how did he make this awful mistake? it could’ve been so dangerous too- you were a lot smaller than him and looked so harmless in your pretty white dress patterned with adorable, little, yellow lemons, white apron pristine over it and your yellow heeled sandals matching the tassel earrings dangling from your ears. ukai hated to admit it but you were so cute- and he had already fucked everything up because he had mistaken you as a thief. “you’ve been so busy with coaching and your grandfather’s farm we just thought it’d be good to have an extra pair of hands around here. that’s where y/n comes in.” at the mention of your name, you looked up at ukai and beamed, wiggling your little fingers as a ‘hi’ just like he hadn’t almost practically smashed your face down on a counter fifteen minutes earlier.

“that still doesn’t explain why you failed to notify me.” his jaw was clenching.

“hm. must’ve just slipped my mind.” his father replied with a dismissive shrug but ukai knew his parents better than that. his father was just as sharp as himself and his grandfather- surely they wouldn’t forget that they had employed a new person at their store unless...ukai felt his face contort with a grimace as he took a proper look at you. you were probably in your twenties, maybe fresh out of university and on the hunt for a graduate job and you were pretty (ukai really couldn’t ignore that and it made his chest feel even heavier as he replayed the way he had so forcefully gripped you) and there was definitely an admiring shine in his father’s eyes every time the older man looked at you. ukai felt sick- he knew his parents wanted him to marry soon but he wasn’t even thirty yet and did they really have to do it by employing some poor girl- the same poor girl he had just attacked! surely their plan had failed already.

“will you be training me, mr ukai?” you suddenly asked, smiling kindly at ukai’s father. the older man shook his head with a chuckle.

“ah, no, y/n. keishin here will be training you and working shifts with you- i’m too old for all that.” ukai couldn’t help but grit his teeth at his father’s sly smirk- the man was barely even fifty!

“is learning how to put people in a headlock a part of the training, sir?” ukai almost spluttered at your words. he tried to ignore the way he felt his body heat at your soft, giggly voice calling him ‘sir’ and instead his face contorted with indignation.

“don’t call me that! and it was an accident!” he snapped for the tenth time.

ukai could do teamwork. of course he could- he was part of karasuno’s volleyball team in his younger years and now he worked alongside two managers and a teacher to coach players in a game that relied on teamwork. but somehow- he just couldn’t work with you.

he really wasn’t a mean person, ukai tried telling himself, but when he was around you, it was like all his anger and frustration surged. he snapped at you when you were too slow on the counter. he chastised you for stocking the green beans next to the onions when they were so clearly supposed to be next to the broccoli and he even scoffed at you for blushing and giggling when one handsome customer had come in and flirted with you. but despite all that- despite ukai’s angry glares and the way he dismissed you every time you tried to make friendly conversation- you were still so happy and sweet.

every evening when ukai returned from karasuno high school, tired and sweaty but ready to begin his shift at the store, you were already there with a cup of tea and a plate of dumplings. even if he grumbled about how cooking the shop food would be coming out of your pay, you still laughed so happily, your eyes crinkling and your sweet chuckles filling the whole store. you’d also never give up trying to make ukai laugh with your silly jokes and your warm smiles and once when he was particularly irritated, frowning as he sat in his chair, you had come up behind him, your warmth already invitingly enveloping him as you wrapped your arms over his shoulders. ukai had froze, staring at you with wide eyes as you giggled. your sweet scent and light laugh intoxicated him whilst your fingertips traced the veins of his arms, leaving his skin tingling under your touch.

“relax, sir.” your voice was breathy but giggly in ukai’s ear and he couldnt speak. he couldn’t move as he watched you, eyes widened, open his box of cigarettes, sliding the thin roll between his lips before holding a lighter to the tip of it. “there you go,” you smiled, voice returning to your usual light tone as you stood up straight and walked back over to stocking the toiletries aisle. “you’re always just a bit too tense.”

“i thought i told you not to call me that.” ukai growled before taking a deep drag of his cigarette. he felt cold without your touch.

ukai’s unexplainable anger towards you was only made worse by how he just couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from you. every time he entered the shop, his eyes would immediately roam in search of a glimpse of one of your pretty patterned dresses- and they were so pretty indeed. they seemed to hug your body carefully and there was something so delicate and innocent about the way they flared out at the waist, the hem skimming your knees and the fabric adorned with adorable little strawberries and daisies and kittens. with all your matching headbands and heeled sandals and dangly earrings, ukai couldn’t help but be drawn to you. it didn’t matter how many times he told himself to look away, focus on something else- anything else- his eyes would always drift back to you, you beaming as you assisted a customer, you arranging the cash in the tills, you sipping on your carton of juice through the little plastic straw, you bending over to arrange the bottom shelves with the hem of your dress riding up to reveal your thighs and...

“are you sure this is safe, sir?” ukai growled around the cigarette between his lips as he held the ladder in place. it had been over a month since you began working at Sakanoshita Store and you and ukai had fallen into some sort of arrangement; you worked better together (much to his parents’ pleasure) but your relationship still consisted of you playfully teasing him and him trying to resist his anger. or rather, he was trying to resist the lustful urge to just bend you over the counter and fuck you till you couldn’t speak- till you couldn’t think. it was hard not to, especially when you were taunting him with how cute you were, pouting your pretty lips at all his dismissive remarks, giggling as you leant so close to him he could feel your hot breath on the delicate skin of his neck, dancing your fingertips against his hot skin, letting your dresses gradually get shorter and tighter. but now wasn’t the time to think of that, especially when ukai had you stood above him, balancing as carefully as you could on an old rickety ladder, one hand clinging to the splintered wood and the other trying to screw a lightbulb into the overhead fixture.

“i told you,” ukai hissed through gritted teeth. “don’t call me that, and the ladder is perfectly safe.”

“i don’t see why you couldn’t do this.” you whined, glancing down at ukai who rolled his eyes and puffed on his cigarette.

“i’ve had a hard day of coaching a bunch of hyperactive simpletons that share one braincell, okay?” he snapped, looking up to glare at you as you cheekily stuck your tongue out at him. he really did try to ignore the image that flashed into his mind, an image of you between his legs, pink tongue stretched out between your pretty pink lips. ukai shook his head. what was he doing? “stop complaining already and just change the bulb. it’s sturdy.” maybe the ladder was sturdy, but your choice of shoes wasn’t and as you reached up closer to the lighting fixture, your foot managed to slip on the wood and-

a loud cry escaped you as you fell backwards, your stomach dropping and arms flailing out behind you. you knew the impact against the hard floor would hurt- but what if you hit your head- what if-

the smacking pain never came as your body was cushioned by a sudden warmth. you gasped, eyes widened at ukai’s face just inches away from yours as your heart pounded against your chest, hands shaking till the lightbulb clattered out of your hands and fell onto the floor with a smash. but neither you or ukai registered that, not when you were suddenly hyperaware of his one of his thick, muscley arms cradling your waist and the other wrapped around your bare thighs, his skin cold against yours.

before the either of you had a chance to react, the little bell at the top of the door chimed and in walked the familiar faces of the karasuno boys. there was a moment of silence as they stilled, staring at you held in ukai’s arms like a bride, all your mouths open with horror.

“coach, you’re dating y/n?!” hinata was the first to talk, his brown eyes gleaming with excitement and mouth stretching open in a grin. you were familiar with the karasuno boys as they were regular customers at the shop (much to ukai’s dismay) and they were always friendly and kind, trying to chat to you as much as possible, which would make their blond coach growl at them from his seat behind the counter.

“no!” ukai cried a little too quickly, his lip curling with a grimace as he suddenly pushed you out of his arms. you stumbled a little, almost falling to the floor but he couldn’t bear to look at you, not noticing the way your cheeks flushed scarlet with embarrassment when a sudden feeling of guilt wrenched his chest. “it was an accident!”

“an accident...” daichi blinked, cocking his head to the side as sugawara snickered quietly behind him. ukai sighed heavily, horribly aware of the way nishinoya and tanaka were glaring at him- if kiyoko was their queen, you were their princess.

“it really was just an accident. i was trying to change the lightbulb.” you began, smiling despite the way your cheeks burned. “and i slipped off the ladder- that’s all.” you could sense the way ukai was narrowing his eyes at you as you giggled, beaming kindly at all the boys like they were little angels. ukai hated it.

“anyway, hurry up and buy your things.” he snapped, reaching into his pocket for his box of cigarettes. “you all need to go home and eat a good dinner. remember, lots of protein.” you rested against the counter, staring at ukai as the blond man walked behind it, settling in his usual chair but he wouldn’t quite meet your eyes.

“y/n-san, would you like one of us to change the bulb for you?”

ukai couldn’t control the scowl on his face as he served his karasuno mentees, his eyes unable to stop flickering to you where you held the ladder for asahi, beaming at him with gratitude. it wasn’t that he was jealous- why would he be? but there was something about the way your eyes sparkled at the tall, kind ace that made him want to chainsmoke a whole box of cigarettes.

“i’m quite sad you’re not dating y/n.” ukai started at the sudden words, his eyes widening at short hinata stood before him. his brown eyes were downturned with disappointment.

“what?”

“she’s really cute and you’d look nice together. plus she always wears yellow and it matches your car.” ukai couldn’t even fathom a reply as hinata shrugged, smiling as he took his bag of meat buns and was one of the last to depart the shop, followed closely by asahi who you walked to the door and wished a goodnight cheerily.

a cold silence settled as the door swung shut, the loud karasuno boys leaving the shop feeling empty. you could feel ukai’s heavy eyes on you, causing your skin to grow hotter as the memory of his face so close to yours, his musky scent of cologne and cigarettes thick and powerful, the feeling of his fingers against your skin.

“are you alright?” you turned your head so quickly in ukai’s direction you could’ve gotten whiplash, surprised to see him serious with his arms folded across his chest. but for the time he didn’t look...angry? his eyes were softer, you wanted to think.

“i’m okay. i just-” a conflicted look flashed on your face. “are you really that disgusted by the idea of dating me?!”

ukai couldn’t ignore the little tug in his chest. you just looked so soft stood in front of him with your fingers playing nervously with the hem of your pretty cupcake-patterned dress, eyes flickering down to your pastel sandals and your cheeks flushed pink. he just wanted to wreck you.

ukai couldn’t resist any longer, not when you stood there so pretty and shy with your pink bottom lip between your teeth. he didn’t realise he was moving till he was already in front of you, towering over you as his large hand came to grip the back of your neck and he smashed his lips to yours. you were still.

then it was messy. needy. ukai couldn’t help but grab you closer, his hand gripping your hip so hard you winced against his lips but you were just the same. lustful. desperate, with your hands fisting ukai’s t-shirt, pulling his chest flush to yours. he was addicted to the softness of your warm skin and the sweet taste of your lips that he had to just swipe his tongue across your them, letting the wet muscle dip into your mouth when you moaned into the kiss.

“keishin.” your voice was nothing less of a breathy whine, your head thrown back as ukai began to press open-mouthed kisses along your neck.

“now you want to call me that.” he hissed as he sucked the delicate skin of your neck into his mouth, teeth scraping at your skin whilst you shuddered in his hold. “go on, pretty doll- call me what you usually do.” your hands were trembling as they snaked up to ukai’s hair, scraping your fingernails along his scalp and letting him groan into the bruising skin of your neck.

“please,” you whimpered, trying desperately to grind your hips into ukai’s like a needy little whore. “please, sir.” blood only rushed to ukai’s cock at the sound of the word being released into a little, pathetic whine. he gripped the meat of your thigh into his hand, hard enough to leave bruises and pulled your leg over his hip, leaving enough access for him to rut his hardening member into your core.

“what do you want, hm, angel?” he breathed, his other hand coming to grab your jaw and force you to look at him. how cute. you looked utterly adorable with your widened eyes almost wet with painful desire, your cheeks flushed and your lips wet, red and swollen, a little bit of saliva trickling down your chin.

“please, sir, i want you to- to-” ukai couldn’t stop kissing at your neck, not when you looked so hopeless and desperate. “i need you!” that was good enough, he thought. he grabbed your arm, not hesitating to flip the open sign to closed before dragging you to the counter. he wasn’t hesitant to press you up against the counter, your back knocking into the hard edge of the wood.

the first time you had met ukai keishin he had pushed you over the very same counter but this was different. it was lewd, lustful and needy and you whimpered into the wood as one of his hands slid up your thigh. his fingertip was gentle as it dragged across your clothed core, gasps escaping you both.

“you’re fucking soaked, angel. i’ve barely done anything and you’re already dripping for me.” you whimpered, grinding yourself down onto the fingers which slipped into your panties and stroked against your dampening folds.

“sir, please, i need to you to do something- i-” a loud, heavy moan ripped from your throat as ukai suddenly pushed a finger into you, groaning as your wetness coated his skin

“fuck, so wet. you’re so tight around me.” ukai could feel his cock throbbing as he pushed in another finger, your walls clinging to him as he finger fucked you. you looked so cute, head thrown back with light breathy whines escaping you and your hips grinding down into his palm.

“just- just fuck me already.” you gasped, your eyes shooting open to meet ukai’s. he couldn’t help but thrust his fingers in faster at the sight of your glassy eyes and you trembled, tugging at his shirt and pulling his lips to yours as he swallowed your moans.

“manners, baby- have some respect.” ukai teased, his teeth dragging your bottom lip as you groaned.

“please, sir, i need you to fuck me.” your pussy was squeezing tighter around his long fingers. “want to- want to cum on your cock.” ukai could’ve came right there untouched with how adorable you looked, begging for him to fuck you with the dirty words making you shy and embarrassed.

“such a cute little sweetie pie you are.” ukai cooed as he slid his fingers out of you, making you whine at the emptiness. his fingers were shining with your slick and he didn’t miss the way you stumbled, gripping the counter behind you tighter as you watched him lick a long stripe along his digits.

“fuck,” he groaned. “you taste so good, angel. i can’t wait to see your pretty little cunt.” a little gasp escaped you as he turned you over, pressing your chest against the counter and lifting the skirt of your dress to reveal your ass. ukai moaned at the sight of the wet patch on your cute cotton panties before he gently tugged them down, strings of slick sticking to the fabric as you whimpered at the sensation of cold air meeting your core.

“sir, please..” your whimpers were getting louder, your ass pushing back as ukai hurried to unbuckle his belt, hissing as he freed his throbbing, weeping cock.

“you’re just so cute.” he breathed in your ear as one hand gripped your hip and the other led his cock to your heat, dragging his length between your slick folds. “begging for me, like a pretty little slut. so needy for my cock.”

the lewd little whines and whimpers that fell from your mouth were just so cute as ukai slowly sheathed himself in your dripping pussy. you gasped, choking on your whines as you adjusted to the delicious stretch, ukai’s heavy wanton moans thick in your ear.

“fuck- you’re so- tight.” he pressed wet kisses against the back of your neck, nails digging into your bare hips. “your pretty little pussy’s squeezing me so tight.” he was right. with each slow, deep stroke, all you could feel was every vein and ridge of his cock pushing against your wet walls.

“faster- faster!” ukai couldn’t ignore your adorable little pleads and he began to thrust in deeper and quicker, the lewd sounds of skin slapping and heavy moans filling the empty shop. you were drunk with each other, ukai’s name falling from your lips as one hand held onto your hip and the other was roaming your body, massaging at your clothed tits.

“ke- keishin!” ukai didn’t mind that you’d dropped the title that had his cock twitching for over a month- it was better to hear his name falling from your lips over and over in pathetic, adorable little whines.

“quiet, princess- you don’t want anyone to walk past and hear you moaning my name like a needy, little slut.” your pussy clenched tighter around him at his depraved words and trying to hold back his moans, ukai gripped your boob tighter, nails digging in through the cloth of your dress and the hand on your hip moving to your clit, swirling so your moans became choked with pleasure. so lost in lust, he didn’t even register your small hand snaking down to your chest, your fingers forcing your way into his hand till you came all over his cock and he released into you moments later, your moans quieting down into pants.

ukai stared at your entwined hands lying on the counter. you were so utterly fucked out, eyes dazed and glossy with tears, lips wet with drool and your hand gripping his like you never wanted to let go. a heavy feeling filled ukai’s chest as he slipped his softening cock out of you, tucking himself back in before he reached for the tissues on the counter, cleaning you up in silence before pulling your panties back up and straightening out your dress.

“i- uh- i came in you- is that okay?” you pushed yourself off the counter, a dazed smile tugging on your lips.

“don’t worry, it’s fine. after all, you made me feel so good.” ukai pretended to ignore the way his stomach jolted at your compliment and he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly shy and hesitant to meet your eyes.

“let me- let me drive you home.”

the drive to your house was silent. thick, heavy and awkward, you were staring out of the window as ukai tried to focus on the empty road ahead of him, but he couldn’t- not when he could see the way your smile had faded and the crease between your brows grew deeper. finally he rolled to a stop outside your house and you thanked him quickly, not meeting his eyes as you left the car. you didn’t return his quiet ‘see you.’

ukai’s weekend was spent preparing on how to act when he next saw you. he had to go back to normal- he couldn’t act different but it didn’t feel right to be so snappy and dismissive like usual, not when he couldn’t stop thinking about your sweet taste and how you clenched around him and filled his ears with your breathy moans. was he to be kinder? distant and professional? no- any chance of a professional relationship was ruined the moment ukai met you and it was only made worse by just how cute you were.

but his worries were in vain because that monday afternoon you didn’t show up at the shop. ukai sat at his counter, ignoring the rowdy karasuno boys arguing loudly over whether strawberry popsicles were better than raspberry, as he stared out of the glass door. maybe you were ill. or busy- with family or friends or maybe a job interview. but you didn’t come on tuesday morning or wednesday afternoon and soon a whole week passed and ukai’s chest felt heavy and the shop too empty without you.

you weren’t there to hum along to the radio, grinning at him when he grumbled at you to shut up. you weren’t there to cheekily offer him a cigarette between your small fingers everytime the vein in his forehead popped too much. you weren’t there to laugh and joke with customers, to stock the shelves, to walk around in your pretty dresses and beam at ukai and make his heart seem light and fluttery and thump so fast again his chest and-

oh.

ukai slumped in his chair, dragging the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaling the grey smoke with a heavy sigh.

he liked you. but you were gone.

ukai knew it wasn’t the karasuno volleyball team’s fault but he still couldn’t help making them his punching bag- practises were longer and harder, the blond coach ordering them to spike more and harder and refusing to let them leave the gym till they had perfected their serves. he just couldn’t control the burning anger and resentment...and the pain of emptiness without your presence.

rain lashed down from the dark, cloudy sky, soaking through ukai’s tracksuit and chilling him to the bone as he trudged his way back to the store. maybe this was penance for doing what he did to mess things up with you, for bending you over and screwing you so dirtily over his shop counter that you were too scarred to ever face him again.

the little bell rang in the shop and ukai stepped in, sighing heavily as he prepared to hear his mother’s complaints of dripping rainwater and mud everywhere but he froze. his dear, dainty mother wasn’t sat at the counter with her embroidery hoop- it was you.

you stared up at him, eyes wide open with shock and your pretty pink lips parted. ukai’s heart had stopped- he felt dizzy seeing you look so cute and sheepish with your cheeks as pink as the raincoat zipped up to your chin.

“keishin.” you got to your feet hurriedly, fingers clasping together nervously. “i-”

“y/n.” his voice was cold and he hated the way your face dropped, shoulders drooping sadly. “you alright?” he looked away from you as he peeled off his soaking jacket, revealing the damp clothes underneath which made you wince.

“let me get you a towel- you’ll get ill.” ukai was silent and still as you disappeared into the back stockroom momentarily before returning with a white towel. he tried to avoid the tensing of his muscles as you came close to him, standing on your tiptoes to towel at his wet locks gently. he could smell your sweet scent of strawberries, your beautiful eyes flickering down at him ever few seconds, your tongue darting out swiftly to lick at your lips. ukai had never wanted to kiss you more than in that moment but not a lustful kiss with teeth and tongue and moans- a soft, loving kiss that would make you feel the unadultered romantic feelings he had developed for you. the urge was too strong he had to step back and snatch the towel from your hands. your arms fell pathetically to your sides.

“where have you been?” he used the harsh frown as a mask of playing the angry boss but really, his heart felt heavy and hurt with abandonment. maybe it was because he just hoped so but he thought he could see a semblance of sadness on your face in your pouting lips and downcast eyes- maybe, self-indulgently he thought, maybe you had missed him just as much.

“i- i only came back here to resign.” ukai felt like he had been punched square in the throat. he stepped back in surprise, hands fisting around the towel as he forced himself not to hiss. “i managed to find an internship related to my degree,” you continued, staring up at ukai with silently pleading eyes. “and as much as i really enjoy working here with you...” you looked around the shop, eyes momentarily gleaming as grey memories illuminated around the aisles, a trace of a smile lingering on your lips. “it really hurts to be around you.”

it was a quiet whisper. a confession. you sunk into yourself, refusing to meet ukai’s eyes as he edged closer to you.

“hurts?” he echoed. you nodded and in the fluorescent store light, ukai caught the tear gleaming off your cheek. before he could think, he was instinctively moving towards you and brushed them away with the soft pads of his thumbs. with your hot cheeks cradled in his hands, you closed your eyes and nodded.

“it hurts because- because i know you don’t feel the same way and i really wish you did-”

“how do you know that?” ukai’s heart was racing and he could feel the fiery excitement bubbling in him. your eyes shot open and he wanted to laugh; you looked so cute staring at him with your eyes wide and cheeks slightly squished, your lips plumper and pinker.

“but i- i know your parents employed me more because they wanted me to get to know you.” you admitted, eyes flickering away from ukai’s heavy gaze nervously. “and i was really okay with that- even when you were so uninterested and dismissive of me, i still enjoyed your company. but after we- that night-” you swallowed hard after the little whisper and ukai’s heart fluttered a little at the memory of being so close to you, to feeling you and kissing you, to being inside you. “seeing you again and having to pretend like nothing happened- like i don’t have feelings for you- seemed unbearable and i know we can’t go back from that.” you looked so heartbreaking sad that ukai knew he had to speak. he couldn’t make you wait any longer. he couldn’t wait any longer.

“well, you’re wrong.” he cursed at himself at the sharp tone that escaped him, causing you to look at him with fearful shock. he chuckled, relaxing his face with a smile and gently his fingertips began to stroke the soft skin of your cheeks. “this week has been hell for me without you. i like you too, y/n, my cutie.”

ukai had seen you smile so many times- sweet, pretty smiles at his parents and customers and the karasuno boys- but it was nothing compared to the purely beautiful grin of utter delightful joy you graced him with, making his heart feel light and complete.

taglist: @lydzisanerd @kageyamathegrump

#im sorry for the smut i hate myself😔agajsgsjs never written it before #haikyuu #hq #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu fic #ukai #ukai keishin #ukai x reader #ukai x y/n #ukai imagines #ukai fic #ukai scenario #ukai fanfiction #fluff #angst #hq ukai #ukai fluff #ukai smut #have some holy water <3

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Poe Dameron x Reader

A/N: I don’t know what possessed me. It’s pure sadness don’t read it.

Warnings: Sadness.

Word Count: 2292

You rolled over in bed seeing his side was already made. You stretched out a hand hating how cold it was, his scent fading. Your heart fluttered a heaviness weighed on your chest but with a firm swallow and some deep breaths you were able to stop it from building.

He was in the kitchen already dressed in his suit, his dark curls flopping over his forehead as he gazed at the folded paper on the counter, a cup of coffee in one hand.

“I didn’t hear you get up,” you commented. He looked down at you with a grin on his face as he wrapped an arm over your shoulders.

“You were dead to the world, baby. I didn’t wanna wake you.” He planted a firm kiss on the top of your head. “I have got to get to work, I’ll see you later!” You nodded, hating the way his body heat left you instantly. You moved over to the coffee machine tutting when you saw he’d left his briefcase, that man was always forgetting something. You went over to the window hoping to see him in the car park but he’d already gone and you shrugged. He’d come back if he needed it, he’d come back.

———————————————

You walked into work with your face buried in your phone as you went through some emails, your boss had requested a meeting and you tried to think of what it could be about. Your performance was up to standard, you never missed a deadline, he’d never given you any reason to doubt yourself until now. You rapped smartly on his door and he called you in.

“Please take a seat,” he said softly.

“I’m sorry Armitage, I have to ask, have I done something wrong?” You blurted out as you sat down, nerves getting the better of you.

“No, why?” He asked, frowning slightly.

“Well this meeting…” his green eyes roamed over you a second as though deciding what to say next.

“I just wanted to check in with you and offer my help or some time off should you need it.”

“Oh,” you didn’t know how to respond. A weight was pressing down on your mind, a black cloud you refused to acknowledge. “Why would I need time off? You think I should take a holiday?”

“Hmmm, you haven’t taken any time off since…” you stood up cutting him off.

“I can assure you I am perfectly capable of working,” why was your voice slightly higher than normal? Were your hands shaking? The pressure got worse, crowding your thoughts threatening to consume you. “I need to work now.” You couldn’t look at him, because if you did you’d have to see the pity in his eyes.

“If you need anything…”

“I don’t, but thank you.” And you left without a word.

———————————————

“The girls asked me to go out tonight.”

“Then you should go!” Poe replied from the bathroom. You made a face.

“I don’t know if I want to, I just want to be here with you.” He came up behind you, his hair damp from the shower, his skin cool against your as he planted a kiss on your cheek.

“I’m not going anywhere baby, I’ll be here when you get back.” You sighed.

“Alright, I’ll go. But you need to help me choose an outfit.” He groaned loudly, falling to his knees, his face already scrunched you in mock pain and you giggled.

“No god please no!! I always say the first dress looks amazing and then we go through 20 more before circling back to the first dress!” He whined loudly.

“So much drama with you Poe Dameron,” you snorted, getting up and opening the closet.

“Baby you are slowly driving me mad…” you ignored him, pulling out dresses and placing them on the bed. “That one!” He shouted, pointing randomly and you slapped his hand away.

“No.” He groaned again and you tried not to smile, you loved tormenting him like this. “Look on the bright side Dameron, you get to see me put on a little fashion show. Sit through it,” you picked up a dress, casting a suggestive glance in his direction. “I might reward your good behaviour.” He sat down on the stool you’d vacated and crossed his legs.

“I’m ready.”

———————————————

The restaurant was loud and bright. The smells were fantastic and you’d forgotten what good company your friends were. It had been too long since you had braved coming out with them. You went to the bar ordering some drinks with Rose.

“Hey,” she slid slightly closer to you, her elbow brushing yours as she leaned into your space. “You holding up ok?” She whispered her brown eyes soft with worry.

“Yeah I’m ok.” You sipped your drink nodding, hoping she wouldn’t ask you again. It was there just on the fringes of your mind, a fuzziness you couldn’t put a name to. A monster waiting outside of your invisible fence, prowling in the darkness getting ready to pounce and make you feel something you didn’t want to.

“It’s just that after the….well you seem to be coping….”

“I’m fine! Honestly.” You gave her a wide smile and went back to the table joining in with the laughter but all the while wishing you were back home with Poe.

———————————————

“Did you have fun?” He was standing in the kitchen when you got home, making you jump slightly as he came into focus when you put the light on.

“Yes it was good to get out, I felt like they tiptoed around me a bit though. I don’t know why.” You put your bag on the counter accepting his strong arms around you, burying into his embrace and breathing in his scent deeply.

“I miss you,” he whispered, his lips brushing your ear.

“I missed you too, but I’m home now,” tilting your head up you gently gave him a lingering kiss. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Ok baby.”

———————————————

Your eyes opened and instantly looked over to his side of the bed, impeccably made already. He never used to be this tidy. You washed and got dressed making your way to the kitchen, Poe was standing there in his suit holding a coffee and looking down at the paper on the side, a slight frown pulling on his brow.

“You ok?” You asked. The coffee machine was cold as you changed the pod, replacing it with a fresh one and grabbing your favourite mug.

“Yeah, just this headline…” he murmured. “You need to look at it.”

“I don’t want to,” you replied quickly, hearing his heavy sigh.

“But you need to!” He demanded.

“No!” Silence descended on you both, your hand raised to cut him off. Your entire body trembled, a rage was unfurling in your chest and you tried to keep it buried. Because after the rage came the pain and you weren’t ready for that. “I just want to drink my coffee with you.”

“I’m going to work.” Your gaze drifted to his briefcase.

“Poe, your case….” But he’d already gone.

———————————————

You closed your eyes, your friends had arrived unexpectedly with pizza and gin. Their noise filled your apartment, grating on you, setting your teeth on edge with their jokes and banter. You were tired, just wanting to curl up on the sofa and snuggle…

“Hey what’s this?” Jess asked, pointing to the newspaper on the side.

“Leave it.”

“It’s out of date, shouldn’t it be in recycling?”

“Just leave it.” You slammed some glasses down drawing her attention off Poe’s paper. You put a smile on your face, but even you could feel the cracks widening with every fake smile these days. “Take these over,” you slid her the glasses and she took them without a word.

“They’re just trying to help.” You relaxed. Poe’s voice was rich and calming, his hand rested on the counter and you grabbed it, needing to feel his skin, his warmth, the strength of his grip. “They are worried about you,” he whispered. You looked up into those deep brown eyes feeling all your emotions trickling away the longer you looked at him.

“I know, but I have you.” He smiled that lopsided smile you had fallen in love with the first time you saw it. His fingers toyed with yours for a moment.

“Yeah baby. You do…always.” Rose called your name making you look up.

“We need the other glasses!” She called.

“They’re coming!” You turned to Poe but he’d gone and you clenched your empty fist on the kitchen counter. “No….no no,” the sound of smashing glass pulled everyone’s attention to you. The glass, it just slipped from your other hand smashing and scattering like the pieces of your heart. Rose and Jess were beside you in a moment, Finn was there saying he’d clean it up and you weren’t to worry. They had you.

———————————————

You barely slept that night, staring at the empty side of your bed choosing to get up with the sun only to find Poe already in the kitchen. You paused by the door, his eyes searching yours, a sad look on his face.

“You shouldn’t be here,” you whispered. He shook his head, tears forming in those perfect eyes and he grimaced.

“You really should read this headline,” he mumbled, pointing to the paper.

“I’ve read it,” you lied, feeling your own tears clinging stubbornly to your lashes.

“You’re such a liar,” he sobbed with a smile.

“I can’t….I don’t want to do this,” you whispered. The beast was creeping up on you, the invisible gate had been opened and you could already feel it’s claws sinking into your splintered heart. A sob beat your chest as he gathered you into his arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! But it’s time.” You clung to him, digging your fingers into his arms refusing to acknowledge anything about the situation.

“I don’t want to let you go! I’m not ready!” You cried out loudly.

“You need to. I can’t stay here….” His voice was thick with emotion, his breath warm against your neck.

“But you are here!” You whispered through the tears. “I feel you, I can taste you when I do this,” you grabbed his face giving him a hurried kiss as you both shed tears on each other. “I can smell you, Poe, you’re here!”

“I’m not, baby, and you know it.” Pain lanced through your body, the intensity of it bringing you to your knees. Poe kneeled in front of you, letting you run your hands all over him watching you with sorrow filled eyes.

“But I feel you,” the words choked out of you as your throat closed up with grief. A low keening noise erupted from your chest, your head thrown back as you fought the waves of sadness that threatened to sweep you away. “You can’t l-leave me!” You sobbed heavily.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to, I love you.” You looked up at him, his hand smudging the tears into your skin as he gazed lovingly at you. “I will always be with you, wherever you look I’ll be there laughing with you, crying with you…” his hands were softer than you remembered, the heat of him mingling with your own and you placed a hand over his. He pulled you in for a lingering kiss, the tears still rolling from your eyes as the sobs shook your body. You didn’t reopen your eyes as he pulled away, not wanting to see the sadness that dwelled inside him. You didn’t want to remember him this way, crying and breaking apart at the seams. “Don't grieve for what we didn’t have or didn’t do. We had a happy, love filled life and I want you to remember that.”

“Poe…” you whispered. Your palm brushed your cheek feeling the wetness of your pain as it painted your face. “Poe?” Now you opened your eyes, seeing your empty flat properly for the first time. The early morning sun fractured through your tears, splintering your vision as you mourned loudly. Deep cries of pain rolled from the depths of your despair, things you’d kept buried for the last few months finally surfaced making you feel raw and exposed. “You come back right now!” You snarled into the empty room. “Poe Dameron I swear to god….if you leave me….”

But he was never coming back. You’d been hiding from that fact all this time, imagining him here at home with you like nothing had changed. But it had, everything had changed.

You made it to the kitchen, your body vibrating with grief, your teeth grinding loudly in the stillness, your fingers brushed the edge of the paper. With a shaking hand you flattened it, closing your eyes before finding the strength to look at the headline.

MAN DIES IN HIT AND RUN

Poe Dameron, 34, died in a tragic accident on the high street…

Poe Dameron died in a tragic accident….

Poe Dameron died…..

Poe died….

The voice in your mind was screaming, a loud high pitched whine as everything filtered away except the words on the out of date paper but eventually they became a blur. You had been denying yourself the grief, the heartache but now it had caught up with you. It ripped through you without mercy, leaving you tattered and broken on the kitchen floor.

He was dead, gone, you’d never hold his hand or kiss his lips. You’d never again share a bed or a shower, hear his laughter or have a conversation about everyday life. He was gone, and he was never coming back.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

#poe dameron #poe dameron au #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x reader #poe x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe imagine #poe x you #my writing #mylifeisactuallyamess #not my usual style #one shot #poe dameron one shot #don’t at me #I don’t know why I wrote it #it’s not even good #it was just eating at me #and I had to expell it

[emilia3546]

Shadowsinger Part 2 - Gwynriel

ACOSF Spoilers! Do Not read this unless you have finished ACOSF and the Azriel bonus chapter

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Part 1

*****

Gwyn hadn't seen Azriel for days, not since she'd found him on the roof, he'd been called away for some sort of emergency, and she hadn't even been able to explain that she wasn't following him, she should never have joined in, he'd clearly wanted to be alone, perhaps that was why she'd run away. She groaned, and tried to focus on the pages in front of her, tried to disappear into her book like usual, but something kept her mind on the Shadowsinger, she found herself reading the same sentence three times while thoughts of him swirled in her mind. It wasn't that the book was bad, it was actually one of the best ones she'd read that month, but she couldn't help but see herself in those pages, herself and Azriel.

She almost threw the book across the room in disgust at the beautiful declaration of love, book Gwyn had no trouble talking to book Azriel about her feelings. She rolled over in her bed and pulled the blankets tighter around herself. She was such an idiot. Each time he'd been at training, she'd made sure to ask him for help, just to be closer to him, but maybe he thought she was pathetic now, that she couldn't do anything. Not that she was perfect, but she probably didn't need one-on-one training for swordplay and hand to hand combat, archery yes, but that had been the first time she'd ever shot a bow. Although if he was away much longer, Mor would have had time to teach her all she needed to stop personal tuition.

Was she so wrong for wanting to spend time with him? He'd seen her at her worst, her absolute worst, and he hadn't flinched, he'd just protected her when she couldn't protect herself. She still remembered the undiluted rage in his eyes when he'd killed the males pinning her down, still remembered the gentleness of his touch when he'd given her his cloak. Perhaps he still thought of her as that scared girl, perhaps all her asking for help was annoying, but how could she find another way to spend any sort of time with him?

*****

Azriel hated Windhaven. He hated Devlon. But mostly, he hated his own cowardice. Gwyn had found him that night because she was meant to, but he had been too slow, he had allowed her to think he didn't want her there. And then he had run away, faking an emergency. He struck the target again, and it splintered under the force of the blow, the sword cleaving straight through the wood, earning alarmed glances from the males around him. It was true that the camps needed inspection, but that could easily wait until Cassian got home, it wasn't urgent enough that he should have made Mor take over training the priestesses. He rotated his wrist, striking the second target with a backhanded blow that almost cleaved it in two.

For hours he worked through his thoughts, leaving far too many training targets in splinters, much to Devlon's dismay, who glared at him when he walked off the pitch. Azriel ignored him, heading straight for Rhysand's mother's old house. He fell into his old routines, dumping his weapons in the rack by the door, checking the house for any unwelcome visitors before a bath. He even left out a bowl of stew on the side for the female who had taken him in when no one else had, muttering the familiar prayer to keep her soul, and her daughter's soul safe in the afterworld. He should get back to Velaris, but even once he had tidied up the kitchen, even once he had cleaned the entire house, by hand, twice, he couldn't force himself to go outside.

He didn't get out of bed the next morning, only emerging at noon when someone pounded on the door. He dressed, and glared daggers at Devlon, standing on the doorstep like he owned the house.

"What?" he snarled,

"I assume you're here for a reason,"

"What's it to you?"

"This is my camp. I don't appreciate spies. The other bastard 'inspecting' is bad enough without you sniffing around as well. Tell Rhysand-"

"High Lord."

"What?"

"Tell High Lord  Rhysand,"

"Whatever, tell him that if you two don't leave me be-"

"What? What will you do? And besides, I'm inspecting the camp, while Cassian is with his mate."

"Poor girl," Devlon muttered, and Azriel's attention snapped straight back to him, anger burning in his eyes,

"What?"

"I said, poor girl, whoever she is, to be mated to that sorry bastard." Something snapped, and Azriel sent a fist flying for Devlon's face, the sense of satisfaction when the camp lord's nose crumpled under his fist dragging him out of his wallowing.

"Do not talk about my brother in that way. Do I make myself clear?" Devlon just glared, and cradled his nose, "Do I?"

"Yes." Azriel snarled again, "I said yes, Spymaster."

"There, how hard was that? If I hear you talking shit about your General again, I won't be so forgiving." Azriel slammed the door in Devlon's face and packed up his kit, he'd finished the inspection yesterday anyway, and winnowed home.

The library loomed before him, but Azriel banked away, aiming for the House of Wind. He left everything in his room before reluctantly flying across the city to the River House. Rhys had said that there would be a family dinner if he was back, and he didn't want to upset him but not showing up.

*****

The shadows in her room flickered, and Gwyn leapt out of bed, almost screaming as they moved towards her. Not like the ones that followed Azriel, these moved maliciously, following her when she darted out of the room. She grabbed the dagger from her training leathers, and tested to see if she could fight them, she couldn't, and the moment she touched one, it spread, trying to wrap around her.

She backed out of the room, grabbing a candle as she passed, which did seem to keep the darkness at bay, but it slowly tested the light, as if trying to see if it could actually stop it. Gwyn  found her way into the main library, finding the whole place wreathed in the darkness from its depths, and the moment she stepped out, all of it shot for her, making a beeline for the candle she held. No one else had woken, and she opened her mouth to scream, but darkness surrounded her, blocking out the sound. She scrambled backwards, sprinting for the light above her head, the moon shone bright, perhaps the shadows were confined to library, if she could just get out, she would be safe. She was mere steps from the door when the darkness clouded again, partially barring her way.

She took a deep breath, marking the exact location of the door handle and barreled through it, sobbing in fear until she burst through to the night outside. Cool air filled her lungs, but the darkness from the library didn't follow, she stared back at it, sobbing again in fear when a tendril of darkness ventured beyond the doorway. She didn't know where she could go, but she ran.

*****

Azriel forced a smile as Mor breezed over to him, glad to see him finally, and ushered him to the dining room. He grinned for real at the sight of Rhys on the couch, holding baby Nyx with one arm, the other wrapped around Feyre, asleep against him. His brother grinned at him when he entered the room,

"Finally decided to join us then, brother." Feyre stirred beside him, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, chuckling as she opened her eyes, squinting in the light, and buried her face back into his chest, "C'mon, darling, dinner." Feyre sighed, and disentangled herself from her mate's arms before joining Azriel at the table.

"Nyx keeping you up?" He asked, and Feyre groaned,

"He always demands a feed like half an hour after I've managed to fall asleep, then won't fall asleep for ages afterwards. And it's not like we can just take it in turns either, Rhys can't feed him, and he won't settle without it." Azriel squeezed her shoulder,

"You're doing a wonderful job, both of you, babies are tough, but he'll only get easier to cope with." Feyre grinned, and laughed as Rhys set Nyx on the table beside her, leaving him to crawl across to his mother, grabbing for her, sighing happily when she swept him into her arms. Amren rolled her eyes, but Azriel could sense the happiness in her at seeing the baby.

Partway through dinner, Nyx started crying and wouldn't settle, no matter what Feyre tried. She was on the brink of tears herself when Azriel sent a shadow towards the child, leaving him hiccuping and giggling as he tried to catch it, but each time it slipped between his fingers. He grabbed for it again, and Azriel sent it twirling around him, earning giggles of joy as he played with the shadow.

"Thank you," Azriel almost lost concentration at Rhys' voice, "She feels like a bad mother when he gets like this,"

"She's not," he said, still watching both mother and son playing with the shadow, Feyre encouraging Nyx to try to catch it, and laughing at his squeals of joy.

After dinner, Azriel made to take off, but something left him deciding to walk up to the House instead. Wandering through Velaris' silent streets, he finally let go of the fear around talking to Gwyn. He would make sure to talk to her at training tomorrow, make sure she knew he wasn't annoyed that she had been there that night.

*****

Gwyn sobbed again as the darkness almost surrounded her, nipping at her feet, trying to trip her up as she ran. She spied a figure through the darkness of the evening and sprinted for them, not caring who it was. The moment she got close enough to see it was a male, he turned towards her, and started to run for her, wings flapping to give him more speed. Wings?

"Azriel!" She sobbed, and crashed into him, shrinking back as he pushed her behind him, the darkness swirling and eddying but not approaching him any further. Shadows swirled around her, but these were safe, protecting, they were there to look after her, not hurt her. Tears slid down her face as Azriel studied the darkness, trying to figure out what it was. She crashed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably when it vanished, leaving her alone in the street with Azriel staring after the darkness, clearly debating whether he should follow it and deciding against it, taking over from his shadows in looking after her.

"Gwyn," she barely heard him, but didn't flinch from his touch when he gently squeezed her shoulder, "I'm going to take you up to the House, is that okay?" She nodded, not sure she could speak without crying harder, and buried her face in his neck when he lifted her into his arms, holding her against his chest as he took off.

The view must have been magnificent, but she was still too scared to even marvel at the fact that she was flying. She was still crying when Azriel landed on the balcony and carried her into the House.

*****

Gwyn's scent was drenched in fear, and Azriel silently swore to end whoever had scared her, whoever had sent that darkness to hunt her, because that's exactly what it had been doing, hunting her. He had wanted to follow it, to find out where it had slunk off to, but with his shadows warning her that Gwyn needed to feel safe, he couldn't leave her, retribution could wait.

She was still crying when he set her down on a couch in one of the living areas.

"What happened?" He murmured, gently brushing her hair out of her face,

"I don't know," she whispered, "I was getting ready for bed, and it just - I don't know,"

"Hey, it's okay, you're safe now, it can't get you here," she nodded, and sniffed again, and he became painfully aware that she was only in her nightgown, and he grabbed a blanket to wrap around her, leaving his shadows to watch over her while he went to fetch her a hot mug of cocoa.

His anger had subsided a little once he returned, just enough that he could fully focus on looking after Gwyn. Her feet were still bare, and the rough stones of the street had torn into them, but she seemed to hardly notice the pain as he cleaned the cuts, and gently wrapped them in bandages. She hadn't said a word since his return, just silently nursed her mug of cocoa, staring into the distance.

Not knowing what else to do, he sank onto the couch beside her and squeezed her hand gently. She drained the mug, and fixed him with her gaze, tears still shining in her eyes,

"What was it?"

"I don't know." He admitted, "But I'll find out, and I'll deal with it. It can't hurt you, I won't let it." She nodded, and another tear rolled down her face, Azriel reached up to wipe it away, expecting her to flinch from him, but she didn't, she let him gently wipe away the tears stating to fall again.

"It scared me. I couldn't fight it. I did try."

"I know, I know," she thought he'd think less of her for whatever had happened, and he couldn't face that, "Gwyn," she didn't look at him, her head still lowered to hide the fear in her eyes, even as her scent betrayed her, "Gwyn." She did look up this time, "You are not weak. You are stronger than most people I know for even trying to fight that. I know many seasoned warriors who would've pissed themselves and gotten themselves hurt or killed. You did everything right. Running was your only option."

"Why did it run from you?"

"I don't know," he said again, "Maybe it feared my own shadows," the same shadows that were now gathering around Gwyn, trying to shield her from everything, twining into her hair, and making her smile from the tickling sensation. "There, do that again."

"What?"

"Smile." She did, and he mirrored the smile, his breath catching when she pulled herself into his side, resting her head on his chest, an arm around his waist. He rested an arm across her shoulders, and allowed a wing to curl around her. She sighed,

"Thank you, Az."

"Whatever for?"

"Not thinking me a coward." She wasn't talking about tonight, he realized,

"I was the coward for not going to you earlier. I'm glad you were there, and I'm sorry I ran away the next day." She mumbled something he couldn't hear, and snuggled into him, the fear in her scent slowly vanishing with each breath. They sat in silence, and Azriel started to absent-mindedly stroke her hair, soothing her gently as he held her. "Do you want me to take you back to the library?"

"No!" she gasped, "Please," she was still shaking her head violently, when he caught her hand,

"It's okay, you can stay here if you want, Nesta's old rooms are still empty. Mine are the level above."

"Can I stay with you?" She whispered, and he froze, "I'm sorry, I just -  I feel safe with you."

"Okay, there's a set of rooms across the corridor from mine that haven't been used in a while." He silently asked the House to get them ready for her, and a warm breeze brushing through his hair told him that his request had been carried out.

*****

Gwyn still held the blanket Azriel had given her as he carried her up to the room she was to sleep in. He set her down on the bed, and offered her another smile, which she returned, before slipping out of the room. Almost immediately, the darkness in the room seemed to creep in on her, and she clutched the blanket tighter. She was being silly, Azriel would never have left her if there was any danger, but she still wished he was there, even the two doors between them were too much.

Despite the darkness, she managed to fall into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning on the bed, until she woke only an hour later, drenched in sweat, and screamed. Moments later Azriel threw the door open, and ran across to her, dropping to his knees next to the bed,

"Are you hurt?"

"No, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream." She repeated, her fear fading as she remembered where she was, who was protecting her. "I'm okay."

"You sure?" He brushed her hair back, out of her face, and she nodded, trying to settle back down.

"Can you stay?" He paused, and she almost let him leave, but she couldn't, "I just - it's dark. I'd feel safer with you here."

"Of course, if that's what you want." he said, pulling a comfy chair across to rest next to the bed, sinking into it, even as he kept a hold of her hand while she drifted back to sleep.

*****

When Gwyn woke the next morning, Azriel was still in the chair, wings drooping onto the floor beside him, his head dropped sideways onto the back of the chair. His hair was all over the place, and she couldn't help but tidy it up, freezing when he opened his eyes.

"Your hair was messy," she said as an explanation.

"My mother used to do that," he murmured, more to himself that her, and she met his gaze, her hands still in his hair,

"Is she who you were singing about the other night?"

"Yes. That was the only lullaby anyone ever sang for me. Your voice, it was like the song was written for you to sing it."

"I was only copying you," she admitted, and squeezed his hands, and he smiled,

"Let's get some breakfast."

Part 3

#a court of thorns and roses #acotar #a court of silver flames #acosf #gwyn #azriel x gwyn #gwyneth berdara #gwynriel #gwyn acosf #azriel #fanfiction #fanfic

[this-world-of-beautiful-monsters]

Leo and Space Heroes headcanons

He had trouble learning English as a child, but things got a lot easier once he started watching the show (although he started off focusing on what the characters were doing, rather than what they were saying, and he still does that sometimes, which is why he rarely notices the flaws in the dialogue).

He thought that the human world actually had a space program on the scale of the one in the show and was very disappointed when Sensei told him this was not the case.

Still, he had big dreams of being an astronaut, convinced that society would one accept his family the way Space Heroes accepted alien races. He abruptly stopped talking about such things when he was eleven years old. That was around the time that all four turtles had stumbled upon a news story of a synagogue shooting, and it started really getting through to them just how easy it was for humanity to attack those who were different.

Leo uses overdramatic language when he’s anxious or scared, and he likes to think that Captain Ryan does the same sometimes.

Deep down, Leo knows about all the problematic aspects of the show, but he still loves it because of how it shaped his childhood and makes him feel like he could fly the way nothing else can (also, his crush on Captain Ryan).

Leo was in denial about his crush on Ryan for a very long time, and kept it a secret from his family even longer. He was never quite sure how his father might react to his bisexuality, and only took the first few tentative steps towards coming out after Splinter’s death.

Leo was on Space Heroes message boards and reading Space Heroes fan fiction for almost a year before getting up the courage to contribute anything of his own.

Once he got started, though, he became very vocal. He once challenged a fellow fan to a duel over which third-season episode had the best character development. They couldn’t decide whether to use swords or Tasers, and thankfully Leo calmed down enough to realize what a stupid idea it was before things went any farther.

Leo’s family knows that he writes fanfiction, but haven’t been able to catch him in the act. Donnie managed it once, but Leo threatened to show his brother’s “anatomical studies” of naked humans to Splinter. They agreed on a state of mutually assured destruction.

However, Leo’s family doesn’t know that his fanfiction has gotten increasingly darker over the years, as he tries to cope with all the shit he and his loved ones have been through.

He started out writing fluffy/smutty self-inserts (with various levels of disguise) but now he finds himself using a wide array of warning tags with a lot of major character death, graphic violence, and even some non-con. (Please note: I’m not trying to do anything similar or work something out in my own writing, I just thought that might be something Leo would do, because he lives so much through stories). Something he’s confused or disturbed by the stuff he writes, but he’ll often feel better after writing it.

Karai and Shini finally talked him into dressing up as an alien and going to a Space Heroes convention. He had so much fun that he stayed for hours and they eventually had to drag him home.

#Leonardo #Leo #Space heroes #TMNT #TMNT 2012 #fanfiction #headcanons about fanfiction #TMNT fanfiction #message boards #bisexuality #bisexual Leo #coping mechanisms #dealing with trauma #fandoms #fanboys #Karai #Donatello #Shinigami #discrimination tw #trauma tw #TMNT headcanons #TMNT 2012 headcanons #pornography cw

[axoxtxhxh]

You Saved Me - Chapter 4

Summary: Miche and Reader find out what happened at Castle Utgard and cope with the loss of their comrades.

MichexFem!Reader

Warnings: Mentioning death, hint of sexuality (but no more than I’ve already been doing)

Word Count: ~ 3,500

Y/N laid awake, not even sure what time it was. Her heart felt like hot lead sitting in her chest and she couldn’t breathe. It was a cool night with a light breeze and any other day she would have slept like a baby, but tonight wasn’t like that. Her friends were dead.

When Erwin and the rest of them came back from helping the scouts, a large percentage of them were missing. In fact, everyone except the new recruits made it back. Hearing that Miche’s efforts in luring the titans away from them weren’t successful put a knot in his stomach. They also found out that two more of the 104th were titans and took off with Eren and another recruit though they were able to return with Eren and some new, helpful information.

It was a lot to take in. Too much, in fact. It ended up sending Miche to his room early. Luckily Y/N was kept busy with helping Dr. Otto with any injured soldiers as well as Erwin. His arm required a lot of work and he needed a lot of rest.

Once all the medical work was done, she had no choice but to sit in her room alone with her thoughts.

She took a deep breath, wiping the sweat from her forehead and sat up, throwing the blankets off of her. The suffocating feeling was too much, there was so much air and yet she felt like she was gasping, drowning inside of herself and she couldn’t get out. Her body was feeling hot, her chest getting tight and her hands were shaking as she stood up to get to the window.

She bent over and held onto the wooden frame, squeezing it and tensing her muscles until she heard it starting to splinter and let go. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. She stood up, going to the bathroom and splashing water on her face. The cold water felt like ice on her skin, the shock calming her body down a bit. She took a couple deep breaths, resting her forehead on the sink’s edge.

Before she really knew what she was doing, she was in the hallway, hand on Miche’s door. She slowly opened it, walking into his office. This was the first night in several days that he wasn’t sleeping in her bed with her and all the emotions of what’s happened the last couple days were coming to her at once and she couldn’t handle it.

She moved to the second door, the one to his bedroom and opened it, stepping in before closing the door behind her. The moonlight wasn’t shining as brightly in his room as it does in hers, but she could see well enough. She took a step forward.

“Y/N?” She hadn’t noticed how quiet it was until she heard his deep voice, a little raspy from sleep -and maybe something else- reverberate through the room. “Is everything alright?”

She could see him sit up in bed and she made her way to him. She managed to let out an ‘Mmhmm’ that was higher than her normal voice, which wasn’t very convincing, before sitting on the edge of the bed next to him.

She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t get the words out. The lump in her throat was so big that if she tried to speak, she knew she would start crying right away. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and clenching her jaw, forcing as hard as she could to make the lump disappear. She could feel his eyes on her and she pushed herself to speak.

“Can—” Her voice came out strained, barely above a whisper. She swallowed. “Can I stay with you?” He brought his hand to her shoulder. “I…” Her voiced squeaked and she paused, “I… um… I…” tears started falling down her cheeks now and she looked down, letting herself cry.

Miche held her cheek, then her face, moved both hands to her shoulders then gave up and grabbed her waist, pulling her into him until she was in his lap, resting her head on his chest.

“It’s okay.” He rubbed the back of her head, his other arm squeezing her tighter.

“They’re gone.” She cried. “They’re all gone.”

Miche rocked her back and forth until she sat back and looked at him.

“I could have helped them—I should have helped them.” She shook her head, her hands covering her mouth. He looked at her.

“This isn’t your fault.” He held her face in his hands. “This is not your fault.”

“I was the only one there.” She tried to look away, but he held her firmly.

“You were helping me, it’s not like you weren’t doing anything. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. They were my responsibility. Do not put this on you.”

“I could have found you someplace safe and left you to—”

“Stop.” He paused, making sure she was looking at him. “Don’t do this to yourself. This wasn’t your fault. It’s not your job to save everyone. They were capable soldiers, it just worked out this way.” She put her hands on his wrists and nodded, tears falling down her cheeks.

He held her there, his breath getting heavier. He didn’t want to see her cry like this. He hated seeing her blame herself. He wanted to do anything he could to make her feel better, to feel good. He moved his hands from her face and looked away.

“Do you want to sleep in here?” He asked her and she nodded. He moved the blanket on the other side of the bed and she crawled in. He then slowly reached to the floor, grabbing the shorts he left there and put them on. He set himself back in bed, letting Y/N sleep close to his chest. He wasn’t really sure if he wanted to admit it, but he was probably going to sleep better with her next to him anyway.

…..

The next few days were hard on everyone, but they were all able to dive into work with the new information they’d learned over the last few days. Hange and Levi went to work with Eren and testing the limits of his titan ability. Y/N was able to bring Miche out to watch as she helped with the evaluation. Working on that as well as Miche starting his physical therapy made it easy to keep their minds going.

Miche laid on his back in his bed and Y/N stood over him.

“It’s still a little too early to do too many stretches because of your stitches, but there are still some things we can work on.” She knelt down on the floor next to him.

“Couldn’t we just skip today,” he wondered, “the stitches come out tomorrow anyway.”

“You’ve been letting the muscle in your leg atrophy for two weeks now.” She put her hands on her hips. “That’s already too long.”

“Yes, Doctor.” He smiled playfully.

“I’m not a doctor—“ She started.

“Yet,” he added.

“Yet,” she repeated. He smiled at her and she tried to smile back, but he could see her eyes looking off at nothing, getting lost in her thoughts.

“Okay, what should we start with?” he asked.

“First, you need to lift up your leg keeping your knee straight.” She separated his legs a little on the bed. “It might be difficult or even hurt a little. Let’s start with your right leg.”

He took a deep breath and slowly lifted his right leg. She could see him struggling a little bit, but he lifted it and lowered it, letting out an exhale as his leg rested back down.

“Okay, that was good!”

“That’s not so bad.” He smiled.

“Alright, now I need you to hold it for twenty seconds before lowering it.” She directed.

“What?” His eyes went wide. “I could barely do what I just did!”

“This is only going to help you when it’s time to start walking. You can sit up if it’s too difficult.”

He sat up, leaning his back against his headboard.

“Shit…” He was breathing heavily.

“It’s my fault.” She sat next to him on the bed. “I shouldn’t have done so much for you these last two weeks.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” He smiled. “It’s not even really that bad.”

He turned to look at his legs, lifting the left one up and holding it then setting it down and moving onto the right one. He was panting after the couple minutes it took to reach five repetitions on each side.

“I’ll get stuff ready for your bath.” She stood up, making her way to his bathroom.

He rested his head against his headboard, his mouth hung open as he caught his breath. He sat up, taking off his wet shirt and tossed it to the side, leaning back again.

Y/N returned from the bathroom as he was moving himself to his wheelchair.

“Your bath is ready.” She looked even more down than she did before. “Try not to get your stitches wet. I… I’m going to go see if someone else needs help with something. Is thirty minutes enough time for you? I can give you longer.”

He could see how upset she was. He let her down. He knew she was using him to take her mind off of the recent events and he let her down. He shouldn’t have complained. He should have tried harder with his physical training. He should have made her laugh or done anything else, but he should be making her smile, not feeling worse.

“Why don’t you take time for yourself. I can relax here by myself until dinner.” He looked at her. “I think you could use it.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll see you at dinner then.” She left his room and he rolled into his office before taking his bath, getting to his desk and writing.

Y/N looked for anything to distract herself. She moved to Hange to help them organize their research. She helped Levi while he was forcing the cadets to clean. She helped Erwin with any of the decisions he needed. It still wasn’t enough. She had another hour or so before it was time to start preparing dinner so she decided to go to her bedroom and lay down, her body was starting to feel all the extra work she’s been putting on herself.

She walked through her office and into her bedroom, turning to go to the bathroom first. She walked through the open door and something caught her eye on her bed. She stepped backwards a couple steps and looked again to see what it was. Sitting on her bed was a small folded piece of paper.

Her eyes narrowed as she moved closer to see what it said on the front. Written neatly on the folded paper was her name.

She picked up the note and opened it up, sitting on her bed to read it. It was Miche’s handwriting.

Dear Y/N,

I want to start out by saying I’m sorry. I can see what you’re going through. I won’t say I understand it because I know we are feeling very different things right now. We both lost people that were important to us, some of the already small number of loved ones we still have and if I had some special ability, I wish I was able to take away your pain.

You’re the most resilient person I know and I know you can’t see yourself like that right now, but I want you to know that you’re the representation of the kind of person I wish I could be.

I’ve often wondered why people have to go through so much. I don’t know that I have the answer to that, but I do know that part of it is to grow. To grow and to learn so we can pass on our knowledge in the hopes that other people will suffer less than we did. It’s a terrible and unfair system that we must live through. Us, scouts, getting some of the worst parts of it.

I know that you personally have done more than your fair share of this teaching. I can’t imagine the kind of loss you must have felt. If there was a way for me to share this burden, I would gladly accept it.

I’m thoroughly convinced you’re an angel here in Paradis. You’ve suffered so much more than most and you somehow still find a way to go on. You’re positively inspiring and any encouragement or motivation I’ve had since we’ve met has come from you. I don’t want you to forget that. In this often too dark world, you’re a bright light. You’ve always been my bright light.

My only objective in life right now is to make you happy. Seeing your smiling face, your unusual sense of humor, your warm comfort, I want it back, not just for you, but for me as well. Maybe that makes me selfish, but I need your smile. You may not think there is a reason to smile, but your smile is what gets me through each day.

Your heart is in pain. I know. I see it and because of that so is mine. Y/N, please let me in. I won’t speak, I won’t say a word, I will only listen to you. If you don’t want to talk, we can sit together in silence. Let me be for you, what you have always been for me.

I like to think that some of the best sunshine comes after the rain. You may be crying now, but I promise you the sun will peek through and you’ll get to a place where hope shines. Please remember, there’s always hope. It’s hard to see it sometimes, but it’s always alive.

Forever yours,

Miche

Y/N’s teardrops slowly hit the page as she read. She quickly wiped them from her face as well as the paper, trying not to smear the ink. She grabbed anything she could find to wipe her nose, sniffling until she grabbed her pajamas and cleaned her face. She threw them into her dirty pile and stood up, making her way across the hall.

There was a knock at Miche’s door. He was lying in bed and propped himself up on his elbows, looking at the door.

“Yes?”

Y/N stood in the doorway. Her eyes and nose were red, tears rolling down her cheeks like waterfalls, but she was smiling at him. His heart was instantly fluttering.

“You’re really going to make me come to your room crying again?” She held up his letter.

He couldn’t tell how she was feeling. She was smiling, but also crying. He was worried that maybe he made her feel worse. Maybe his letter came off as insensitive or rushed. He sat up in bed, his face a mixture of concern and regret.

“Y/N, I…” She moved quickly. One moment she was at the door, the next she was at the end of his bed, crawling to him.

She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tightly, the momentum pushing Miche back down on the bed with her on top of him. He sighed, relieved that she wasn’t upset with him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her back, squeezing her gently. She pulled away enough to look at him.

“Thank you,” she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder.

He shifted her body so she was lying next to him and he pulled his arms around her again, turning to face her. He didn’t even care what would happen, he leaned in and gently kissed her forehead, resting his face against hers.

…..

The next morning, Y/N woke to Miche rubbing her head. She opened her eyes, squinting into the sun until his face came into focus. He was smiling at her.

“How did you sleep?” He rolled back and forth in his wheelchair.

“Surprisingly not good.” She sat up in bed.

Her blankets fell off and Miche stared at her shirt, his head tilting to the side a bit. She looked down, wondering what he was looking at. She quickly realized and looked back up at him, a huge grin on his face.

“That looks familiar,” he joked.

“I can explain this.”

“You missed me, didn’t you?” He teased.

“No! I just—It was… I wiped my nose on my pajamas so I threw them in the dirty pile and I already had your shirt in my room from when I was washing your stuff and I needed something to wear to sleep in and it was so easy to grab and you always look so comfortable when you wear it and I… missed you sleeping next to me.” She spoke quickly as her cheeks tinted pink.

“You missed me.” He goaded, smiling.

“I missed you.” They both stared at each other for a moment, each enjoying their shared feelings.

“Had I known that, I would have just stayed in here with you. It would have saved me some time.” He started. “Come on. I get my stitches out this morning.”

“Oh right!” She jumped out of bed, quickly throwing on her uniform before they both made their way downstairs to the sickbay.

“Today is the day Captain Zacharius.” Dr. Otto was washing his hands, Y/N quickly followed. “Any preference for which leg you would like to work on, Captain Y/L/N?”

“None, I’m just happy to make it through this first milestone.” She replied.

“Not as happy as me.” Miche laid himself down on the table.

Y/N and Dr. Otto each took a leg and began removing the stitches, while checking the skin’s healing.

“Everything looks good, just a few more.” Dr. Otto said. A couple minutes later they were done. Y/N put a smaller splint back on his left leg and Miche sat up.

“Do you want to try bending you knee?” She asked. “Don’t rush it, it’s likely not going to be easy at first.”

Miche moved his leg over the edge of the table, both legs were straight. He began lowering his right leg, it slowly bent easy enough, which made sense since that wasn’t in the larger splint for the last two weeks. He began lowering his left leg. He barely made a bend in the knee before his leg was shaking.

“Don’t rush it,” Y/N said, moving his leg back onto the table. “It probably won’t return to its full flexion until we can get that splint off of you.”

He looked up at her, worry in his eyes.

“Yes, you can still take a bath in your tub.” He let out a sigh of relief and she laughed.

The last two weeks of doing mini baths where Miche could only use a sponge while sitting in the wheelchair wiping down his warm bits wasn’t his idea of a bath. He wanted to submerge himself in his bathtub and scrub his entire body clean.

“Let’s get you up there,” she said, rolling him out of the sickbay. “Thanks, Dr. Otto.”

Upstairs, Y/N prepared Miche’s bath for him and then sat on his bed working while he was in the bathroom. For the next hour, all she heard was his groans and cheers along with a lot of splashing around. She smiled at how such a simple thing made him so happy.

While she was working, she noticed some strange marks and indentations in the wall across from her. She stood up to look at them, not knowing what they could be. Even if Miche got angry and for whatever reason hit the wall, they wouldn’t make marks like this.

She walked over to the bathroom door and knocked.

“Miche?” she called through the bathroom door, “What are those marks on the wall?”

“What marks?”

“The ones on the same wall to Hange’s room?”

“Oh, those.” His voice dropped. “My bed used to be there, but Hange asked me to move it.”

“Why would Hange ask you to move it?” Y/N was confused. It seems like a weird request considering it wasn’t Hange’s room and how would they know how Miche’s room was set up anyway?

“Uh… I uh…” He chuckled nervously. “I had a girlfriend at the time and I uh… I guess the noise of the bed hitting the wall—”

“I got it,” Y/N called to him. She felt stupid for not realizing it before asking. She looked at the bed frame and then at the indentations in the wall, they looked the same. She was sitting on the same bed that Miche had sex with other women on. She was surprised by how that thought made her feel. She wasn’t grossed out or uncomfortable. Instead she felt her heart drop and a small pain in her chest.

She wasn’t so stupid to believe that Miche has never been intimate with someone, but that little ache in her heart didn’t feel good either way.

A short while later she heard the door open and she looked up. He was wheeling himself out of the bathroom with his sweats and a t-shirt on. His hair was wet and the whole look made her feel warm and cozy.

“Can I ask a favor?” He wheeled over to the bed with something in his lap.

“Sure.”

“You want to help me trim my hair?”

Taglist: @rvvaged​ @hadassackerman​ @firewolf1303​

#miche zacharias #Miche Zacharias imagine #Miche Zacharias Imagines #Attack on titan Miche #AOT miche #mike zacharias #Mike Zacharias imagine #Mike Zacharias imagines #Attack on titan mike #AOT mike #aot x reader #AOT #miche x reader #aot miche x reader #snk #snk x reader #snk miche #snk miche zacharius #You saved Me #Miche Zacharias x reader #Mike Zacharias x reader #tw: mentions of death #tw: sexuality #Miche fluff #AOT fluff #SNK fluff #Miche Zacharias fluff #Shingeki no kyojin imagines #Shingeki no kyojin x reader

[kiribakuhappiness]

Barbarian bakugo replacing ua bakugo due to a quirk. Panic ensues and in kirishima's case, gay panic

(Kiribaku Drabble Prompt) ahhh, i actually have been planning a barbarian bakugou in yuuei setting story for some time now, so have some short excerpts from that! i know the ‘k’ tattoo on barbarian bakugou is supposed to be for ‘katsuki’ but i like to pretend that it stands for ‘kirishima’ <3

Kirishima quite literally could not cope.

“I know you,” the-Bakugou-who-could-not-really-be-Bakugou leaned closer into his space, pressing the tip of the blade of a sword into the soft underside of his chin. His face was so close, Kirishima could see all of the different flecks and shades of murderous red in his eyes. His nose scrunched up as he examined Kirishima’s features through a squinted, calculating gaze. “Have you ever been a dragon before?” His eyes narrowed suspiciously as he barred a set of white teeth and, for All Might’s sake, he was being 100% serious.

A quick breath stuttered past Kirishima’s stunned lips and he tried not to focus on just how quickly his heart was now racing in his chest. This Bakugou seemed highly unaware of what personal space was, a stark contrast from the hunched up friend he had grown used to spending his days with.

“Ah, n-not that I remember,” he laughed sheepishly and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I mean, I went as a dragon once for Halloween, but that was - “

“Hallow... So, it is witchcraft, then,” the-Bakugou-who-could-not-really-be-Bakugou-unless-he-had-somehow-picked-up-a-sudden-interest-in-roleplaying snapped, pressing the sharp tip into Kirishima’s chin more, who continued to resist the urge to harden against it. He glared and suddenly he turned his weapon onto Jirou, who looked like she was trying her hardest not to burst out laughing at the absurdity of this entire situation. “I am to assume that you are the fucking puppet master behind this intricate illusion, you witch!”

Jirou slapped her hands over her mouth and looked ready to cry as she snorted through her fingers.

“Where the hell is sensei when you need him?” Kaminari whined from his spot on the floor, struggling against the tape that bound him to Sero.

“Enough of your damn nonsense!” Bakugou snapped ironically, narrowing his eyes dangerously at Jirou. “I have a dragon to save and a war to rage. If you refuse to release me from this imprisonment, then I have no chose but to gut you and end this damn charm for myself!”

As much as Kirishima understood the seriousness of this situation, as the other Bakugou – who he was now certain was either concussed or some kind of ravenous warrior sent from another dimension – charged towards Jirou with every intention of slashing her in two, he still couldn’t help but acknowledge that was probably the manliest thing he has ever heard Bakugou say, as he raced forward and threw himself between the sharp edge of the sword and Jirou’s small frame, hardening in time to shatter the metal upon impact.

-

“So,” Kirishima shifted awkwardly on the bed as he watched the other Bakugou wander around his room, lifting up books and flipping through them with a scowl before he tossed them aside to the floor and moved onto the next object. “Who are you?”

The other Bakugou picked up the lamp sitting on his desk and turned it around in his hands, feeling the weight and running cracked, calloused fingers over the metal before his sharp, dangerous eyes landed on Kirishima again.

“Katsuki,” he gruffed, as though it were obvious – which… what else had Kirishima really expected him to say? From what Aizawa-sensei had explained, he was Bakugou in nearly every sense of the word. Just a Bakugou Katsuki from another place, another time; plucked straight from another world. It was fascinating.

“No, I know,” Kirishima laughed and leaned his elbows against his thighs, scooting closer to the edge of the bed. “I mean, who are you really?”

The other Bakugou scowled at him, holding the lamp dumbly in his hand, before he, too, tossed that aside onto the ground, where it ‘tinkered’ about on the floor before falling still. Kirishima winced and hoped the light bulb hadn’t been busted, at least, before the other Bakugou straightened his shoulders and faced him with a hard expression.

“I am Bakugou Katsuki, rider of dragons and the barbarian’s first in command,” he eyed Kirishima critically before he said, with the same conviction and feral promise in his voice that Kirishima had heard him use when he was talking about being the number one hero, “… soon to be King of Musutafu.”

Kirishima blinked at him, mouth parted in awe. “Wow. That’s so fucking manly, dude.”

The other Bakugou smirked at him. “A barbarian is trained to be a man from a young age,” he commented easily, before his lips turned down into a scowl and his eyebrows notched together in concentration as he strode across the room with a confident stride, heavy fur boots clunking along the ground, before he stopped right in front of Kirishima and leaned into his space once more, using both hands to grab him by his jaw and forcing his thumbs into Kirishima’s mouth to push back his lips and expose his sharp teeth.

Kirishima floundered under the sudden intrusion, grabbing the other Bakugou by the wrists and trying to push him off to no avail. He’d never tell his Bakugou, but this Bakugou was much stronger than he was.

“You certain you’re not a fucking dragon?” The other Bakugou grunted, touching one of the sharp tips with the pad of his thumb. When it pricked through his skin and caused a bubble of blood to rise to the surface, he rubbed it thoughtfully between his fingertips.

“Easy with those!” Kirishima shouted, finally planting the palms of his hands hard into the other Bakugou’s bare chest and pushing him away. “Get out of my mouth, man. It’s weird,” he grumbled, ignoring the flush of heat on his cheeks and down the back of his neck as he wiped his mouth off with the sleeve of his shirt.

-

“Stop.”

Kirishima huffed out a breath when his chest collided with the back of Bakugou’s arm before the other boy grabbed a handful of his shirt and yanked him behind him. “Dude, what are –“

“Shut up,” Bakugou snapped back at him. “There is someone ahead, can you not fucking hear it?”

Kirishima stalled and listened carefully. Around the corner, somewhere in the kitchen, he could hear a pair of voices talking lowly. It sounded like Kaminari and Jirou, though he couldn’t really understand what they were saying. He reached out and placed a hand on Bakugou’s shoulder, gripping it tightly.

“Don’t worry about it man, lots of people live here. It’s just –“

The sound of the blender started, effectively drowning out Kaminari and Jirou’s voices, and sending Bakugou into some kind of rampage as he ripped his shoulder free and barreled into the kitchen ready to destroy the blender with his bare hands. Kirishima tried not to laugh as he hurried in after him.

-

“What’s this?” Kirishima asked, reaching out and just barely grazing a fingertip along the black ink.

The other Bakugou ripped his arm away and glared at him for a long moment before he turned his eyes resolutely back to sharpening his knife, an angry furrow in his brow. “None of your concern,” he snapped, and when he flicked the knife against the whetstone next, an array of little sparks crackled off of it into the air.

“Sorry,” Kirishima said, leaning back against the side of the bed and resigning himself to watch him continue to work in silence. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

The other Bakugou’s jaw clenched tightly as he slid the edge of the knife down the whetstone again, before he forced out, “It is the mark of my bond with my…” he paused, his expression loosening even as his grip on the whetstone became vice-like. “My partner…”

Kirishima reprimanded himself in his head for even asking in the first place. “The one you left behind in the other world, you mean?”

The other Bakugou nodded sharply, resuming his work with newfound determination. “I must find a way back to him,” he said, glaring in anger. “I cannot sit here and continue to twiddle my damn thumbs!” He shouted, standing to his feet and slamming the tip of the knife deep into the surface of the desk. “Not when he is out there fighting! I am meant to stand by his fucking side!”

Kirishima jumped up too, raising his hands in what he hoped was a placating manner. “Hey, I know, okay? You’re ready to get back to where you belong, raging wars and fighting gramlucks or whatever – “

“They are Gremlocks and they would better make a meal out of you than – “

“Right, right, right, grandma licks, I get all of that.”

The other Bakugou opened his mouth again, looking ready to rage, and Kirishima laughed before he waved his hands around.

“Sorry! I know! Gremlocks! Got it. You just need to give us some more time to find out who switched you all around in the first place and then we can – “

“Kill them,” The other Bakugou nodded as he snatched the knife out of the splintered wood and raised it between them with a feral grin.

Kirishima sighed and rested a hand on the other Bakugou’s wrist, bringing it back down to waist level and effectively removing the tip of an incredibly sharp object from his line of sight. “No,” he said with a shake of his head, ignoring the frown and angry squint the other Bakugou leveled him with. “No, then we can have them reverse the effects of their quirk and send you home.” You murderous idiot.

“Hm,” the other Bakugou grunted in contemplation, turning the knife around in his fingers, before he scowled hard at him. “You won’t kill them?”

Kirishima ran a hand over his face. “No. We aren’t going to kill them.”

“You are too weak to kill them,” the other Bakugou decided with a firm nod. He pointed the tip of his dagger at his own chest. “When the time comes, I shall kill them for you. To repay my fucking debt.”

“No!” Kirishima yelled, grabbing him by the shoulders. “No! Don’t do that!”

“I fucking must,” the other Bakugou argued with a snarl. “It is the way of the barbarians to show our gratitude in bloodshed!”

“But I’m not a barbarian!” Kirishima floundered. Of course, in an alternate universe Bakugou would still be hungry for blood. He really shouldn’t have expected any different.

“You sure do have the appetite of one, at least,” the other Bakugou snorted in amusement.

-

what do you guys think? is this something you would want to read in full? i can probably get some edits done and have it up in a few days :)

#kiribakuhappiness drabble prompts #kiribaku #bnha fantasy au #kind of? #barbarian bakugou #kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #bakushima #bnha #my hero academia #fantasy au

[glacecakes]

Underneath and Unheard

It's earth angst time babyyyyyyy

I was in a bit of a rut the past few weeks. Some messed up stuff happened and what was my coping mechanism is now a part of my trauma which is f u n but the only way out is through so I'm gonna plow through some fics and focus on what makes me happy instead of what is expected of me, regardless of the people who wanted to hurt me. And that includes this.

This was partially written on the Varian Hivemind server. If you wanna join just ask me here, we love to write mini varian fics and debate the show and just be all around silly! All are welcome.

With how mundane their routine had become, it was only fitting they were due for change. 

Everyday had become the same: Quirin would wake up with the sun, go (attempt to) wake Varian up, make breakfast, wake Varian for real, and leave to tend the fields. Varian, after shaking sleep out of his eyes, would scarf down the now-cold breakfast and hunker down in his lab till they reunited for lunch and again at dinner. Repeat ad nauseum. The last big change to this years-old routine had been the addition of Ruddiger, but all that meant was another plate at the table. 

That was how the day started, same as any other. Breakfast had been slightly soggy pancakes coupled with an apple that Ruddiger stole, before the two retreated to the relative quiet of the basement lab. 

Quiet, peaceful… lonely.

“Alright buddy!” Varian chimed, lifting a beaker into the light so he could see its contents better. “So the last few batches have been a dud. No biggie! We just gotta get the recipe for Flynnolium down and we’ll be all set to start building the actual tankers.” Dad wouldn’t let him start any large scale projects without a comprehensive plan. Otherwise he could… How did dad put it? “Blow up the town”? Pfft! Yea right! His plans were foolproof! ...Most of the time. 

Ruddiger stretched, having dozed off, and then shook out his body. He jumped down from his perch to trail Varian’s legs, letting out a happy chirp and getting a buck-toothed grin in return.

“You ready to help?” At the responding chitter, the alchemist slid his goggles on. “Great! Let’s get started.” 

The creature hopped up onto the table, passing Varian a few chemicals as the boy asked. They worked in tandem like a well-oiled machine, so used to the routine that it took no effort at all to keep the momentum going. The chemical in the beaker began to glow a neon green, bubbling and hissing slightly as some salt was added. 

“And now…” Varian hummed, setting the mixture on his hot plate. “Simmer for 10 minutes…” He stuck his tongue out in concentration. 430 degrees, no more, no less. Too cold and the mixture would solidify before the reaction was complete, too hot and… well… let’s just say too hot was a very bad idea. 

Ruddiger trilled, hopping down and popping out of the lab’s window to get some fresh air. The boy paid him no heed, it was common for him to sneak out, steal some fruit, and come back ready to help again. Quite a glutton he was, Varian thought to himself with a snicker. Oh well, as long as he was back in 10 minutes it wouldn’t be a big deal. 

Ruddiger’s ringed tail swung with each step, happily wandering down the familiar trail and into the fields towards Quirin. The knight was wary of him at first, and to an extent, still was. It’s not every day a wild creature decides to adopt your son, after all. But Ruddiger was more like a cat than an actual raccoon, content to laze in sunbeams and steal snacks and sit in laps. So despite Quirin’s reservations, he didn’t really have any argument of substance against keeping the critter, so long as he was clean and without signs of illness. 

No greater love than a dad and the pet he didn’t want, as they say. 

Sweat dripped from Quirin’s brow, salting the earth he worked on. His muscles strained and fingers blistered around his tools, yet still he didn’t mind. It was no different than his previous life, used to abusing his muscles to their fullest extent. He wiped the excess sweat and turned at the familiar noise at his feet. 

Ruddiger stared expectantly. He would climb up onto the man’s shoulders, but he knew from experience that doing it while he was working ended in Quirin physically dragging him back to Varian. Instead, he weaved between large legs, chirruping all the way.

“Hello Ruddiger,” Quirin greeted, smirking and standing to his full height, his back screaming in protest. He really ought to steal Varian for a few days, he’d help the chores get done a lot faster… but Varian hated farm work, and the dad would much rather have a few extra aches than deal with a moody teenager whining all day long. 

“I take it you want a treat?” Ruddiger sat in place, eyes wide and almost puppy-like in his begging stance. Quirin laughed, grabbing some produce from his nearby cart. 

“Fresh off the trees,” the man said, handing Ruddiger a fresh apple, bright colors shining. The raccoon screeched in thanks, purring as his teeth sunk into juicy apple flesh. 

Quirin placed his hands on his hips, watching the creature with a fond smile. “Why don’t you bring one back for Varian, hm?” He offered, grabbing another apple and passing it off. “He could use a snack before lunch.” 

They did this every day, and every day without fail, Varian would refuse the apple, and Ruddiger would eat it instead. But still, the creature finished his current treat, taking Quirin’s gift and bounding off back towards their home. 

Quirin shook his head as he left, smiling to himself. Why couldn’t Varian have adopted a dog like every other kid his age? But his son was always a strange one, so perhaps it was only fitting that his companion be the same. 

Ruddiger bounded back down the familiar beaten path. In no time, he was climbing back through the window, Varian’s snack in hand. Said boy hadn’t moved, staring at the beaker with an intense stare. If he looked away for even a second, a number of terrible things could happen! Knowing his luck, at least something was bound to blow up today, and he refused to let it be this.

Hey! Why wasn’t Varian looking at him! He was back! Hello! Human! Ruddiger let out an annoyed chirp and Varian started. 

“Oh! Hey buddy!” The raccoon’s tail swished in irritation, but he couldn’t stay mad at Varian for long. His friend was just so dedicated to his craft, after all! Little raccoon hands skittered across metal, down the pipe running out the window and towards Varian. 

“The solution is almost done, just in time,” Varian smiled, scritching Ruddiger in his favorite place behind the ears, earning a happy chirp. “Oh hey, thanks!” He snatched the apple. “I was actually kinda hungry. Didn’t eat enough breakfast I guess.” Buck teeth stabbed in with a crunch, allowing juice to drip down his leather gloves.

What? No! That’s not how it went! Ruddiger would push the apple into Varian’s face, but he’d insist Ruddiger could have it, and the chubby critter would get a second brunch! This was not fair! 

He let out a shrill complaint, claws scratching into the table.

“Hey, you already had one! I know dad sneaks you a million.” Varian stuck out his tongue. “In fact,” he took another bite, pointing at his raccoon. “You could stand to lose a few pounds.” 

Oh, he didn’t just go there! Ruddiger wiggled his butt, glare focused solely on Varian.

The boy took notice, face falling into a glare of his own. “Hey, what are you doing. Ruddiger. Ruddiger don’t you dare.”

He was gonna do it.

“Ruddiger!”

He was gonna do it!

“Ruddiger, no!” 

He leaped. 

Varian shrieked, flailing as he fell, face now full of angry raccoon. As he fell, he tried to grab onto something, anything, to slow his fall. Alas, all he reached was the hot plate, fingers slipping around the dial and turning it to maximum heat. 

Neither noticed, too embroiled in their tug of war over half an apple. 

“Ruddiger!” Varian scolded. His gloves were great for alchemy, but not so much for keeping a grip on a shiny apple. Not like Ruddiger’s tiny claws, which easily punctured the fruit and snatched it. 

“Not fair!” Varian huffed, giving up and glaring at his friend, who was clearly quite pleased with himself. “That was meant for me, you know!” He took on a mischievous grin. “What if I took your apple after dinner, then? That’s only fair!” 

Ruddiger puffed up, chattering angrily at how no, very much not fair, before he saw it.

The vial was bubbling violently, shaking on the hot plate, making an awful racket as it did so. His chattering picked up speed, more panicked, but Varian simply crossed his arms, smirking down. “Oh, I will, and I will enjoy your apple just as much as you enjoyed mine.” Ruddiger shook his head, chattering more insistently, but Varian simply rolled his eyes. 

The beaker’s clattering only grew louder as it rattled faster and faster, and finally Varian noticed, turning around in confusion before his eyes grew as wide as dinner plates. 

The beaker cracked.

“CRAP!” He yelled, scrambling upright, turning off the hot plate, but it was too late. The beaker shrieked, color shifting to a neon cyan, which made Ruddiger screech in panic, scrambling up the windowsill just in time for-

BOOM

It took a good minute for the dust to settle. Debris and house foundation screamed as it rained, till only pebbles clattered in the wreckage. 

From his vantage point on the window, Ruddiger cried out once, twice, to no response. He trilled louder. Maybe Varian’s ears were still ringing, just like his? 

When he could finally see again, it was a disaster. Glass confetti littered the ground, beakers full of other chemicals bubbling and leaking onto the floor. The hot plate lay atop the wreckage, shattered beyond belief. Massive stones that held up their house had caved in, forming a miniature mountain decorated with support beams. A piece of wood splintered and the entire chamber shook. 

Ruddiger whimpered, curling his tail around him. Where was Varian? The entire place seemed desolate, devoid of life. 

Carefully, so as not to hurt his paws, he scampered down the (now bent) pipe and into the mound. The raccoon spun around in a circle, checking all directions for his beloved friend. But it seemed there was nothing, an eerie silence settling in along with the dust. 

No! He wouldn’t give up! He needed to find Varian! Varian hadn’t escaped, Varian needs him! 

With a grim determination, Ruddiger stuck his claws into the collapsed rocks, pushing away what little he could in an attempt to dig. It was at this time his size came in handy; he couldn’t push any rocks big enough to destabilize the pile. 

He huffed, and could already imagine what Varian would say in this situation. The longer I am without oxygen, stuck under the rocks, the less likely I am to survive. A horrifying thought that made Ruddiger dig faster.

Finally, finally, when he’d reached the point where the only rocks left to move were too big, he found him. His face barely peaked out of the mound, crushed by the debris. Ruddiger squealed, trying to push a larger boulder, and the whole mess shook violently. He dropped the rock as if he was burned. 

“Ruddiger...?” Varian moaned, eyes fluttering open. His pupils were mismatched. The alchemist coughed, and tried to move. 

Big mistake. 

As he shifted, the rocks screamed in protest, tumbling around him. As they fell, the splintered wooden foundation they’d held up fell too. Ruddiger chattered in warning, but-

The beam slid right into Varian’s abdomen. He let out a choked scream, eyes flying open as blood splattered onto the raccoon’s face. Both animal and human cries echoed in the ruins, Varian trembling in pure agony. 

Ruddiger screamed, sang, anything to keep Varian awake and coherent. But the pain was a hazy drug, diluting his thoughts and pulling the boy down, down down. 

It couldn’t possibly get any worse. 

The chamber shook again. Harder. A boulder nearly crushed Ruddiger but he escaped at the last second. 

“Ru....” Varian moaned, eyes dull and cloudy, not at all like the normal sunshine blue. “Dad...” was all he could say before a torrent of blood spilled from his lips, pooling onto the floor and obscuring Varian’s vision. If the boy couldn’t get any paler, his eyes honed in on the red, and he slumped. 

What was Ruddiger to do? He couldn’t leave Varian, Varian needed him! No... Varian needed dad. Needed help. But if he left... what would happen...? There was no other option. With a whine, his tail between his legs, Ruddiger scampered back towards the fields. 

He scampered back to where Quirin was working, finding the man none the wiser. Had he not heard the explosion? Not seen the dust and ruined house? A quick glance back and anyone could see something was wrong! The place was half caved in!

He screeched at the top of his little raccoon lungs, which startled Quirin. His basket of fruit jostled about, dropping a few pieces. 

“Good lord,” Quirin huffed, turning around. “Yes, Ruddiger? What is it?”

He chattered rapidly, trying to mimic Varian using the beaker, then their fight, and finally making an explosion with his hands. 

Quirin hummed. “Alright. Here you go.” And he dropped an apple for him.

What? No! That wasn’t it! Well, sort of. It all started due to an apple, so at least now he knew to just go get another next time. But that required getting up, and after his brunch the sun always shined right thru the window, and it was perfect for sunbathing...

No! Focus! Ruddiger slapped his face a few times before resuming his noises. 

Quirin raised an unimpressed brow. “Shouldn’t you be with Varian?” He asked. “I don’t have time for this today.” 

Ruddiger hissed at that. Even if it wasn’t an emergency, how rude! His claws scratched at the earth in frustration. He leaped at Quirin and dug his claws into his fur vest, and he yelled out in shock. For a brief moment the giant stumbled, nearly tripping over the apple he’d dropped. 

“Ruddiger!” Quirin yelled. “That’s enough!”

No it wasn’t!

The critter stood on two legs, tail puffed up, angry as never before. How could this man not see that something was amiss? 

“Ruddiger, I’m going to take you back to-“ Quirin turned, facing him. “Varian...” his face paled, eyes widening. Huh? A quick glance down revealed his sudden change; the bright red blood splattered across him. 

Varian’s blood. 

“Did you hurt yourself? Is that why you’re so upset?” Quirin said, leaning down with an apologetic smile. “You just wanted some attention, huh? Is Varian too busy to clean you up, poor thing.”

Well, he was certainly busy, so it was a start. Quirin licked his thumb, moving to wipe it off, when Ruddiger danced out of his way. 

“Let me help you.” Quirin said, mood a lot more chipper now that he thought he was helping. 

Ruddiger frowned, scampering a bit towards the house in the hopes of being followed. He glanced back. 

“I can’t go home, Ruddiger, I have work.”

Ruddiger stared back. He chirped, more like a meow, with big, pleading eyes. 

Quirin frowned. He wasn’t stupid, he knew the rodent’s trick. “No. I’m not giving in.”

Ruddiger cocked his head, swishing his tail. 

“Ruddiger no.”

Another chirp. 

Quirin sighed. Defeat was a bitter taste, heavy in his tongue. He’d always been weak for cute things, after all. When Varian had been born, he’d just stood there, holding the little thing, marveling at him. Not unlike how Varian will squeal when Ruddiger twitches in his sleep. 

He shook out of his musing. “Alright. Fine. I’m coming.” Maybe he and Varian could have lunch together, it was nearly noon, after all. It’d be a nice change of pace. 

His good mood stuttered to a stop at the sight before him.

“No…” he breathed, breaking into a sprint with the raccoon not far behind him. Their house was a disaster, the dirt road leading up to it caked in dust and wooden splinters that crunched underfoot. 

He’d built that house, that home, with his wife for their child, and now it was in pieces. 

What had happened?

He ran up to the debris, eyes scouring the wreckage to try and figure out where to even begin. A sharp cry from the raccoon pulled him along towards where the basement is. Or rather, was.  The only way in was a small gap in what was once the window, which Ruddiger quickly shimmied into. Dropping to his knees Quirin dug with his hands, pulling at shards of glass and broken wood until he could lower himself in.

“Varian!” He cried with his feet barely just touching the ground. “Varian, where are you?” What on earth had happened? Varian was usually so careful! He’d begged Varian to be, even! “Varian!”

All he heard was silence. Ruddiger’s ears fell in guilt, in fear. He clawed at the ground to catch Quirin’s attention before bounding further into the basement, towards the debris pile. Soft footsteps confirmed Quirin following… until the sharp take in breath. 

Ruddiger glanced up to confirm Varian’s body still hung limply, the same place it had been when he left. Still dripping of blood, unconscious, impaled. 

“No, no no no…!” Quirin rushed over, taking his son’s face in his shaking hands. He brushed limp hair from his face and pressed their foreheads together. “My boy…?” There, ever so slightly, a faint breath fanned across his face. Still alive. The father’s shoulders slumped in pure relief. 

But still there was the issue… how to save him. The piece of wood in his stomach acted like a plug, keeping most of the blood inside, as opposed to the floor and Ruddiger. Thankfully though, it wasn’t deep, and had entered his back, so it was unlikely any vital organs had been punctured. And that beam was supported by a large pile of boulders, foundations upturned in the explosion and coated in dust. He bit his lip, deep in thought.

“Dad…?”

Quirin started, turning to see Varian’s blue eyes fluttering open. A haze coated them, clarity having slipped away in the abyss of pain. He blinked a few times. “Wh...where…”

“Shh,” Quirin whispered, pressing their faces closer together. “Dad’s here. You’re gonna be ok.”

“What…? I… Ruddi…?” Varian slurred. Ruddiger chirped, rubbing up against Varian’s limp legs in support. 

“Yes, he’s here,” He’d have to make this quick; if it took more than one pull Varian would likely feel the pain, might go into shock… if he wasn’t already. But without him bracing against the wood, the wood would act as a lever and set off the stones… they’d have only one chance, and would have to move quickly. 

“Ruddiger. Go outside. We’ll join you shortly.” 

What? No! Ruddiger whined. He hated having to leave Varian the first time, he sure as heck wasn’t going to do it again! Varian needed him! He needed help! 

“Ruddiger.” Quirin’s voice held no room for argument. “Go.”

With his tail between his legs, he whined, but did as told, keeping the humans in eyesight from outside. A small crowd had gathered outside their home, having finally noticed the dust and debris. But they didn’t matter. Only Varian mattered.

With bated breath, he watched as Quirin spoke quietly to Varian, unable to tell what they were saying. Varian looked calm, too calm, compared to the worry lines marring Quirin’s forehead. The father took a deep breath, and then yanked on Varian’s fragile body. Ruddiger screeched in time with Varian, the boy’s eyes flying open and mouth letting out a guttural wail of pain. 

The villagers winced as the house rumbled, shaking as rocks moved. The ground underneath them trembled. Small rocks clattered and another beaker fell and smashed. 

Quirin grunted, lifting Varian up and over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. He’s getting too big for this, or maybe Quirin’s too old? Neither answer particularly soothed him. Time was a cruel mistress, after all. But if this could be the last time he held his boy, he would hold him forever. 

The whole chamber shook, and Varian let out a whine in pain and fear, snapping Quirin into action. He raced over to the opening, quickly raising his precious son up into the waiting arms of the villagers. “Hurry!” He urged. “Get him to the doctor.”

“But what about you?” A villager cried. “Get out of there!” 

“I’ll be fine!” A particularly rough shaking knocked a boulder towards him. “Go!”

The villager who took Varian ran off, and Quirin raised his arms in an attempt to climb back up. But he wasn’t a racoon, able to clamber up trees with ease. A few men grabbed his arms to try and pull him up, but the man was a brick wall, heavier than everyone else. His feet scrambled at the crumbling wall, a large rock falling from the unstable ceiling and slashing across his eye. He winched, blood dripping into the socket and obscuring his vision, but still he persisted.

The men pulled with all their might, able to yank Quirin out just as the entire basement collapsed. The stones that had been piled spread out like water, flattening where he had once stood. The father collapsed weakly into the grass, gasping for breath. Ruddiger bounded over and licked his face, mopping up the blood.

Quirin weakly smiled. “Good boy.” He scratched behind the animal’s ears.

Ruddiger purred.

-

 Sun filtered through the cracked window, dust hanging in the air. A mote landed on Ruddiger’s nose, and he sneezed, forcing him to wake up. Bleary eyes glanced around his surroundings. Where was he again…?

A snicker caused his ears to twitch. He turned, glaring at the source. 

Varian’s hand covered his mouth, one eye closed as he laughed. His head, torso, and… basically everything was wrapped in bandages. He looked like a mummy with all of them. His bed lay lightly coated in dust; there was no time to clean up the house with them all recovering. Thankfully, most of the house remained unscathed, it looked much worse on the outside than the inside. A few plates and delicates fell and broke, but otherwise it was as if a mild earthquake had rattled them, and that was it. 

Well, the lab was another story. But that was for another day. 

A soft knock pulled them apart, Quirin walking in with a glass of hot coco in his hands. “Hey kiddo,” he said. “Slept in, I see.”

“As always,” Varian grinned cheekily. Same as always, Quirin thought with an eyeroll. 

“How are you feeling?” Quirin sat on the edge of the bed, Ruddiger moving so he didn’t get squished. He curled up on Varian’s lap and the boy’s deft fingers ran through soft fur. 

“Better, I guess.” He hummed. “Still sore.” 

Well yeah, Ruddiger thought with a huff. Getting skewered oughta make you sore. Quirin seemed the same, smiling sympathetically. He placed the cup on their bedside, nearly missing due to his bandaged eye. 

Both of them were supposed to be resting, though the father needed much less of it. He ran his hands through Varian’s hair, the soothing motion causing his eyes to droop. 

“Get some sleep,” He said. “Both of you. You deserve it.”

Ruddiger purred, tail swishing in pride. 

Damn right he does. 

…

And another apple. 

#tangled #tangled the series #varian #tts #tts varian