#do i deserve it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lonelycatsblog · 4 months

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why me? did i do something to deserve all this? am i too young? or to old to experience this?

#why me #suffering #im dieing #ill die one day soon #mentally tired #i dont fucking know #do i deserve it #fuck it #its probably just a phase

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poetrywizard · 7 months

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Left shattered to bits

Never enough truth for love

Why even have me?

Yelling and fighting

Those words were my lullabies

Those actions my storm

Adrift in my tears

I find solace in the sun

My sun, my whole world

Radiant and calm

So warm and gentle it burns

Too different from me

Anger and sorrow

The fetid bog I lived in

Baked in the sun's glow

Drying up the tears

Leaving me with new peices

Ones I hadn't seen

They still don't quite fit

The puzzle that I became

But they're getting there

Slowly shed away

Bits that no longer serve me

Until the peice fits

It's still so foreign

Will the peice ever fit me?

It hurts when it does

Do I deserve it?

What could fit a shattered lock?

What fragment wants me?

Suddenly the sun

Makes its way back to me now

I do deserve it..

#haiku poetry #haiku poem #daily haiku #poetry #first post #please be nice #will anyone see this #do i deserve it #does this count as wizard posting?#i guess a meloncholic introspective wizard could do this #probably more like a sorcerer #wizard #ill tag it wizard anyway #spilled thoughts #healed #healing trauma #trauma

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sadgaychamelion · 2 months

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Somehow, they all simultaneously see through me and see nothing. No mind to my best efforts, people always see through the persona I desperately try to keep intact. But at the same time, they don’t see through me enough. They see through my act and think they know everything, so they never bother to look deeper. And do you know how godamn impossible it is to convince people there’s more to you if they think they already broke through it? The answer is very. Near impossible really. Many people think they know me. Many people think they know the real me. But none of them truely understand my depths.

They don’t listen if I try to tell them the mind breaking thoughts I had that have left me breathless. They don’t understand that I’m capable of deep love and compassion. They’ll never realise just how much certain things have broken me. They don’t care to know past the surface of my family dynamic. It doesn’t matter how much or how often I tell them. It doesn’t matter if I shout it bluntly from a rooftop or write it eloquently on my tumblr. It doesn’t matter if I leave it in poems all across my life. Because no matter what I do, they’ll never bother to actually try and know me.

#sad #they will never know me #but simultaneously see through me every time #do i deserve it

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unluckyme-whoknowswaytoomuch · 3 months

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Why?

Whats happened to me? I used to be an adorable little child not even knowing what a curse word meant? What changed? What happened that made me into the monster I am today? Why can't I just be normal? What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be the perfect girl they want? Why did I have to grow up so fast? Why do I look like this? Why do I feel like this? Have I gone too far? Should I apologize, even though its his fault I went through this? Why did he do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why am I so different from my sibling? Why is he perfect, and I get the scraps of love leftover? Why can't I be loved? Why can't I just like someone normally? Why can't I have a nonabusive and nontoxic relationship? Why am I so horrible? Why am I angry? Why am I sad? Why did they touch me there? Why couldn't I be the perfect kid? Why am I hated? Why am I so tired all the time? Why can't I just have average grades? I used to be so smart, now I'm just stupid. What happened to the wonderful gifted little kid? Why am I so used for my gifts? Why do I want to end it yet save myself at the same time?

#stupid heart #vent #do i deserve it #overworked #gifted kid burnout

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dirtytransmasc · 6 months

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the men and boys are innocent too.

we cry "the innocent women and children" to appeal to the masses, to try and force their sympathy, but the men and boys are innocent too.

I have seen sons crying out for their mothers, their fathers, their siblings. I have seen them break down at the loss of their families. I have seen them cling to their dead and grieve.

I have seen fathers cradle their dead children, seen them kiss their faces and hold their little hands. I have seen them faint with grief when asked to identify the dead. I have seen them carry their sons and daughters. I have seen them fasting to provide what little they can for their families.

I have seen men and boys digging through the rubble with just their bare hands, I have seen them comforting strangers, playing with children, rocking them, hushing them, even if the face of such imminent danger. I have seen them cry, seen them grieve, seen them break down into each other's arms, seen them be selfless, beyond selfless, becoming something I don't have a word for.

I have seen the men who are doctors refuse to leave their patients, even when they have no medicine or supplies to give them, even when they're threatened with bombings. I have seen fathers who have lost all their children pick orphans up into their arms and proclaim them their child so they are not alone. I have seen men and boys digging pets out of the rubble.

the men are innocent too. the men and boys are being hurt and killed too. the men and boys are grieving too. the men and boys are scared too. the men and boys are fighting to save their people too. the men and boys deserve to be fought for too.

#I don't have words to describe how I feel for the men of Palestine #the things I have seen them do after everything they have been through goes so far beyond selfless #what do you call this? this prevailing goodness and willingness to give everything they have and more? what word even touches it?#I don't think there is one #islamophobia has conditioned us to see these men and boys as evil and dangerous #we see this in how we speak about Palestine #and we need to uncondition ourselves #they're just as innocent and of value and good as the women and children #so fight for them #they don't deserve this any more than the women and children #free palestine #palestine

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poindexter3000 · 17 days

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I want to rest. But I have to work hard enough to deserve it. I’m still looking to find the point where I have done enough.

#not enough tho #do i deserve it #do I work hard enough

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dragoonwys · 3 months

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Many times I feel like the sad fish you 'buy for a child because its low maintenance', stop doing that

#fish are not low maintenance and deserve to be treated like other more easily expressive pets #do your research on the fish species and what they need damn it #same goes for humans #Its a I have a mouth and I cant scream thing #meme #digital art #doodles #mental health #pets #fish #my art

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daedaluswept · 3 months

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It's really quite sad to think that we'll always be an imprint of other people. We don't really know who we are anymore; every word that leaves our mouth, every breath we breathe, every smile we throw at a friend feels like it's just a tiny piece of someone else we stole away to make ourselves look more likeable. In inspirational slogans and self-help books they tell you to live for yourself. I still don't really get what that means. We seem to do everything but live for ourselves. We live for the affection of others we never seem to get. We live for the love that nobody has ever expressed to us. We're living for something that was never really meant to be, I guess.

I know we can be a little bit much. The people around us always remark how it seems we have no filter, how we seem so daringly unfazed by the way the world works and how what we do affects other people. How long will it take for them to see through that? I do think it's really pathetic only one person has ever even understood in the slightest the way we feel. When your backs are turned, we claw at nothing, we let ourselves break, we cry for the empathy we wish someone could share with us.

It's so tiring to wish upon a shooting star, they're only in the sky for a few fleeting seconds to look pretty and then they fizz away, to be forgotten by the rest of the world, to be forgotten by everyone except the people who fizz away with them.

-k. r. green

#did alter #did system #anxiety #I don't know if this makes sense but I don't care #what will it take to feel loved #self-love will never truly fill this void of hopelessness and black desperation that has built up over the years #do I deserve it #oh my god i'm so tired

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oof-i-did-it-agaaiiin · 1 year

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Beautiful from Ordinary Days

#EDIT: I added links to the post’s caption go click them.#I did this because people were mistaking the words as a poem. I love poems. it’s not a poem.#it’s a song from a musical that deserves more attention. go listen to the song. if you like it go listen to the musical. it’s fantastic #it’ll make you laugh and it’ll make you cry. could not recommend enough.#okay edit over. back to my og tags #long post #and I'm talking LONG like do you love the color of the sky long #today I am a nuisance to your dash #but it's in the name of art and beauty #ordinary days #musicals #paintings #art museum #post i made #i love lyrics #greatest hits

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happyheidi · 29 days

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｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ﾟ. April will bring blessings.

ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

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bisexualpercyjacksons · 4 months

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pjo tv show episode 5 alignment:

#percy and annabeth mighttttt be switched but grover as gaslight is undeniable #grover lying through his teeth captivated me I was like sweetie WHAT are you doing #annabeth said either help me or leave to a GOD amongst other things which is why she deserves girlboss #percy gatekeeps everyone (but himself) from sacrificing themselves which is as always true to character #pjo tv show #pjo #pjo tv spoilers #pjo tv #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #annabeth chase #grover underwood #character alignment #a god buys us cheeseburgers #like no one has posted content yet so I’m making something and going to bed #mine #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #humor #no one bully me on the image sizes I’m on my phone at midnight using photoshop without an account #which means I can only layer one photo at a time so each time I have to make it a new photo #I’m bullying myself don’t worry

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thatonecrazykat · 4 months

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D o y o u d e s e r v e t o b e h e l p e d . . . ?

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sleepysebris · 4 months

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:) 🖤

@mlsecretsanta gift for @thequeenofspace! happy belated holidays and apologies for the delay, had a serious family emergency followed by sickness! I had so much fun making this though, was so excited to finally draw these two 🖤 hope you enjoy!!!

#i absolutely believe emo marinette went home and made dolls after seeing the ladybug & chat noir dolls #im assuming adrien's room is the preferred hang out space in this universe #so this is his room and that is his ladybug doll #also obsessed with his quiet blushy personality #assume that when they detransform she laughs at his half-finished makeup cause they forgot what they were doing before they left #and he deserves it for poorly-timed teasing her mid-battle or something #there's the fanfic #ml secret santa 2023 #ml secret santa #miraculous ladybug #ml paris special #adrienette #emo love square #emodrien #my art #my ml comics

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pjo-hoo-toa-freakazoid · 5 months

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Can you draw Percy in a shark onesie and Annabeth in an owl onesie? I need it for a fanfic. Happy birthday by the way, I love your art.

They dance 🎶

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stuckinapril · 5 months

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lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

#like i'm always gonna operate from a place of kindness but i've had to deal w so many people who're bad at communication/confrontation #which led me to think i'm the problem #that i deserve to be given the silent treatment or dismissed disregarded belittled etc #that's j not true. i'm far from perfect but i think so few people deserve that kind of reaction. and my biggest revelation is i do not #even if people want to make me think i do / that their reaction is justified / that i'm a burden etc #my biggest problem is i humor people like this for too long bc it's been normalized behavior to me #does this make any sense to anyone. it's the end of the year and i'm reflecting on so many things #p

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mumblesplash · 4 months

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(teaching my art class)

me: and what’s the number one rule when designing characters with wings? …well?

a handful of students, sighing reluctantly: no good fa-

me (interrupting them): NO good-faith attempts at realism, EVER. you want all the bird dweebs and physicists jumping ship as EARLY AS POSSIBLE so they’re not around to cinemasins your ass when you get to the cool parts of your story, and…ugh, what now, gerald

gerald (my least favorite student): why not just do some minimal research instead of-

me: listen you little shit i can and will singlehandedly tank your 4.0 gpa

#mumbling #don’t worry i’m not actually an art teacher i would never #no one deserves that #the art class is a metaphor #man when i was in high school i did NOT fully register how messed up it was that teachers could just do that #like the gym teacher at my school would give straight-A 4.0 students bad grades as some kind of power trip #for underperforming on athletic tests she didn't even pretend to prepare us for

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