Being a fat person is so embarrassing. I don't wear nice clothes because I'm ugly and huge, Im shy because I don't have the confidence like skinny girls do... But I will be skinny. I need to be skinny. The people you know and talk to all start with an opinion of how you look. So why can't people be interested in me? Because I'm fat. Because I'm quiet at the start. But being skinny means you could be loud and people won't look you up and down in disgust. Being skinny means people want to talk to you, they want your praise and attention... Not the other way around. Being skinny means that other people will love you the way you wish you loved yourself. Being skinny means your the top of the pyramid. The best.
So be skinny. Do it.
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i think that I would be more loveable at a lower weight and i hate that im starting to think that again
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I am fat.
Like visibly fat and have been for the most of my life.
Which I’ve also despised for the most of my life.
And I am fucking tired of people lying to me, telling me that “im not fat” or giving me pity compliments just because they feel bad for me.
It’s one thing lying to myself.
I am unreliable and very mentally unstable.
So I’m always lying to myself to think “positive thoughts”. And sometimes I even go out for a walk.
Just like my doctor tells me to.
But lies coming from the people that promised to always be truthful with me are now lying to me.
I feel betrayed, unwanted and disgusting.
Nobody notices when I starve myself for weeks on end.
Fainting and sleeping all the time because nobody cares when the fat bitch is starving herself.
A small part of me wants to keep going till I’m nothing but skin and bones just so they’ll notice.
Notice that I’m actually sick and need help.
But the rest—or more likely the majority of me genuinely wants to be nothing but skin and bones.
Oh to be beautiful, wanted, desired and loved.
The only thing I actually want.
And I’ll do anything I need to do just so I’ll reach my goal.
I am tired of being unloveable.
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I'm just so scared and anxious about being the fat ugly friend, but I have to be cause I'm also stupid...
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How does it feel to be loved? How does it feel to love?
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