#fibro blog | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eclectic-ways · 24 days

Text

If you’re currently in a serious relationship and most of the above don’t sync well with your partner; I urge you to save your time, efforts and soul, and move on.

It is what I did with my ex I broke up with a few days ago and we were about to get married. After all the things I’ve endured to contain the relationship; him totally (kept) being a narcissistic ass, thoughtless, selfish, fussy, scrappy, aggressive and aggravating EVEN during my severe fibro flare-up days (due to all the stress he’s had me put me up with previously); and not to mention reversing what’s happened in his head blaming me for everything; refusing to acknowledge or own all the wrongdoings; was the final straw.

I was also feeling very suicidal for days. I had a few “attempts” and many plans & strong “wishes” as well. And he knew and witnessed all of it. Our last day: He pushed — I backed off; he pushed — I said “Please, not today, I feel really sick. I can’t right now.” Then he got even more triggered as I was not responding to his aggression. He felt that I don’t care about him and don’t love him. And that it’s always about me. None of this is true, I swear to God.

“You always excuse your illness to treat me bad. I won’t let you manipulate me anymore. I don’t care about your illness anymore. I’m going home.” while proceeding to pack up. What a projection eh… All I did that day was to interrupt his sentence twice to assume what he was gonna say in a joking manner. And yeah…

All the “improvements and healing” I thought he’s had during these 6 months we lived together was just a facade I madly wanted to believe in. I still love him so much and this is gonna be real hard for me. But something deeply shut down in me. If someone is still crossing the line when it’s a matter of life and death, that right there is NOT love.

The sooner I choose myself, the less damage I will get which I’ve had more than enough in life let alone in this relationship. I’m sick of getting stuck in fight & flight mode, traumas, stress; being in shocking frustration; having to express and validate myself and health issues; giving up from myself for the sake of “love”. Not anymore.

Na-uh.

I thought I’ve healed a lot and had a big enlightenment over the last 2 years of isolation enough not to put up with bullshits like this. I’m disappointed in myself. Even though, I had certain boundaries and rules in the beginning and was never willing to negotiate; he crushed me hard progressively.

He unloaded all his baggage in time. I resisted a lot but eventually I watched my ID dissolve and my soul fade away. I wasn’t even doing my spiritual practices anymore, for instance, because he judges and mocks. And there are so many other things like this and different things…

Anyway. I hope I survive. And when I do, I hope I can be more than my survival and finally start living rather than just existing. My potentials still await me. I know it.

4 notes · View notes

disabledopossum · 10 months

Text

My life was spent in a room, due to my disabilities and severe mental issues.

#bpd #bipolar 2 #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #borderline blog #severe anxiety #chronically ill #fibromyalgia #fibro things #fibro fog #chronic fatigue #chronic pain

155 notes · View notes

sophiethewitch1 · 1 month

Note

UwU any spoilers for the next chapter,,

I have meant to do this multiple times but keep forgetting so here's an extra long snippet in apology! It's basically the entire start of the next chapter ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Damn. Your indulgent TV stalking of the Wayne’s really doesn’t hit the same once you technically knew them. And you were hiding inside one of their bedrooms, inside one of their clothes, using their TV subscription. It just didn’t feel right. Morally, of course, but that wasn’t what you were talking about. No, you were just pissy your favourite passtime was basically ruined. You shovel another spoonful of cookie dough ice cream into your mouth, glaring through tired eyes at the screen.

There’s an up close shot of Dick Grayson’s abs. The presenter ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ over his physical form, and you have to agree. You wish you had abs like that. Unfortunately you did respond to most unwanted experiences with stress eating. As always with these celebrity figures, you can’t really tell if you want to be Dick or be with Dick. Your butt is nowhere near the level his is at.

While you hadn’t really set out today looking for shirtless pictures of the Waynes, it wasn’t like you were going to say no to them. So, when the gossip channel had switched from the reactions of the Waynes to last night’s fiasco to… this… you’d just kept watching.

You wonder if you should stop doing this. It’s definitely kind of creepy, and now you’d technically once been his… step sister. What a mind fuck. You’ve been crushing on these dudes for a while, and now they were your ex-step siblings. This was like the start of a bad porno, but you knew you were not that lucky. And it wasn’t like you were going to start thinking of him as a brother any time soon. You hadn’t even met the guy. No, he was still firmly in the ‘celebrity crush’ section of your mind. Pretty and untouchable. The way things are supposed to be.

Which was also bad because you would probably have to meet and interact with him at some point. Probably in the near future. God knows you’d absolutely humiliated yourself in front of the fucking Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne,. Twice, in fact. You didn’t even want to think about the display you’d shown for Bruce Wayne or Damian Wayne.

You didn’t really know what to do with your slightly obsessive crushes. And you could see it definitely being a problem in the near future.

…You decide that what you do in your private time is absolutely nobody but yours business, and keep watching. It’s a mix of bitter spite and geniune mental breakdown levels of desperation that leads you to that decision. You feel like you’re a child with their toy being taken away, and it’s making you mad. And sad too. Even if you shouldn’t do this anymore, you still wanted to keep the habit. You’d mentioned before your creature comforts were one of the few things that kept you going. And while you were mostly very good at not being the jealous, heinous creature you really are, you knew you wouldn’t be giving this up.

They’d have to tear your gossip channels from your cold dead palms. You weren’t giving them up, not without a fight at least. Unfortunately for you, the universe seemed determined to wrestle away literally everything you loved.

Guilt’s for tomorrow. Today is for ice cream and purposefully ignoring everything. Speaking of which, you can not remember the last time you had a good Ben & Jerry’s. They were so expensive these days, as all groceries were. You simply couldn’t afford it. The Waynes, of course, had multiple tubs in multiple different options. Alfred had seemed delighted that you’d taken the ice cream, for which reasons you could not perceive.

Oh, yeah! His name was Alfred. Very butler-y. You’d remember it this time, he was a very nice man. And he called you ‘young miss’ which earned him points. He also didn’t seem to hate you on sight, or treat you like a two-headed freak, like some of the other people in this household. Not naming names. Yeah, fuck that noise, Damian Wayne obviously has issues and it’s much less attractive in real life.

The woman drones on, and your eyes flick to your phone. Yup, she’s still yapping. It’s not like you don’t appreciate Dick’s abs or anything, it’s just that you think she might’ve been talking about this one specific photo for over half an hour now. Lady should get a hobby. Wait, wait, this is her job. Maybe you should start a podcast where you rant about the Wayne’s excercise regimes. It seems to be quite a lucrative field.

You shriek when the door slams open, nearly tumbling backwards off the bed. Hands manage to grip the bedcovers before you tip over, not making a complete fool of yourself. As it goes, you lose your spoon to the carpet. Bits of cookie dough spread over the floor in a divine sacrifice. And you lose your sanity to the man standing in the doorway. To be fair, he looks just as confused as you feel.

You blink at the physically perfect form of Dick Grayson, and then turn your head to the TV to look at the other physically perfect form of Dick Grayson.

…You really wish you had a good explanation for this.

He mutters out your name, lips parted. Dick Grayson seems absolutely shocked to find you here. His eyes flick around the room, and eventually land on the TV. Said baby blues widen to the size of saucers when the reporter makes a really, really unneccesary comment.

“And in news that broke the hearts of both ladies and gentlemen everywhere in Bludhaven, Dick Grayson has announced he will be returning to Gotham to assist his family in this difficult time. My cousin in the Blud is probably crying right now. There’s no ass out there quite like his, and there’s no replacement for Bludhaven’s favourite young rich bachelor,” she winks at the camera, and then the shot of his tone stomach phases forward to take up the entire screen.

Well, there’s a lot to say about that. First of all, fuck. Second of all, shit. Third of all, she really couldn’t have said that part about Dick coming back to Gotham sooner? Per chance, before you’d found yourself in this situation?

You said you weren’t that lucky, you meant it.

“But still, ain’t that lucky for us Gothamites? I myself have spent a lot of time on Dick’s Tiktok and Instagram, and his thirst traps have been used in a lot of my personal-”

You snatch the remote from the sheets and pause it right there. The silence is tense.

#sophie speaks #sophie answers #series:www #www spoilers #i am. EMBARASSED #look i put a warning on my blog that id regularly forget things and i meant it #im sorry :/#i really wish i could fix it but like i... can not #dissociative disorder + fibro fog = never getting any shit done #but also i think im on the rise again!! i feel motivated and want to write so I'm gonna get doing that #this chapter will probably be a bit shorter but I'm uncertain #just trying to get it out really #i promise i really havent given up on www I'm too invested at this point lmao #if i do not see these bitches fucking i will be upset

40 notes · View notes

melodymorningdew · 28 days

Text

Found more mouse poop in my bed and I still haven't healed from the ER and might have to go back 🙃

I adore stress. More please. /s

18 notes · View notes

rhiannatruex · 1 year

Photo

the void // the muppet

93 notes · View notes

halogalopaghost · 2 months

Text

So I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

Don't offer condolences or anything, I'm really not upset about it. I'm just happy to have the word and explanation for all of it. I've already mourned my health. Of course I had hopes that it would come around, and it still might! but I've already dealt with months, honestly more than a year, of pain and fatigue and barely scraping by, just being in survival mode.

Honestly I think my body is still trying to heal from the long, busy hours I pulled over the holiday season. When I tried to go back, just to sit at a desk and input data, it reacted swiftly and violently to tell me It Does Not Like That.

In my mind, last week I was just a person who can't deal, who's got some vague symptoms that come and go like the freakin wind, and some people don't believe. And I let the people who didn't believe me really get to me sometimes--I asked myself OFTEN (and still do, this is going to take some unlearning) if I was really sick, or just exaggerating symptoms/being a baby, whatever.

Now I can honestly say "I have fibromyalgia" and a lot of people aren't going to believe that either. I know fibro is not a popular diagnosis, and yes I do think there's a deeper cause behind it that we don't understand yet, but oh boy does it absolutely exist. And now when anyone doubts me, I can tell them to fuck right off <3

#so yeah going to target on thursday one hit KO-d me for two days but now I can point and say FIBRO!!#fibromyalgia #fibro #ik its like #not that deep #but idk this is my blog and i get to choose when i talk about my chronic illness

10 notes · View notes

accessories-not-included · 1 year

Text

Recently my doctor dismissed me as a patient. This was due to my not being able to make my last three appointments. As a result, I was forced to reschedule due to transportation difficulties. This is because I am not able to transfer myself alone and need assistance.

My doctor told me that if I didn't make my next appointment regardless of the transportation difficulties I would be fired as a patient. On the day of the appointment, the nurse treated me rudely by grabbing at my arms while demanding I let her take my blood pressure. I told her that I didn't feel comfortable with her grabbing me. Because her grabbing at my arms caused me to have flashbacks to previous mistreatment I asked to have the blood pressure taken later. She told me that if I didn't cooperate she would tell the doctor that I was being non-compliant. Eventually, she stormed out of the office in a huff.

The doctor entered the room later and after going over my medication and symptoms promptly told me that he would prescribe my medication any longer. After asking him why he told me it was due to my not having been able to make the past appointments. I explained to him how the appointments were rescheduled not no-showed. That I had difficulties with transportation and wasn't intentionally trying to not show up for the appointments.

It didn't matter.

He dismissed me regardless.

This wasn't my worst experience at the doctor's office nor will it be my last. I was treated wrongly and as a patient shown that doctors don't care about the struggles or challenges that Disabled people have to endure. The treatment I received at this medical office was ableist and detrimental to my mental health. Not to mention my physical health with my medication being withheld from me because I couldn't transfer myself to my wheelchair without help. This is a part of medical trauma. Feeling abandoned by medical professionals who had promised to help me.

Medical trauma is real.

Medical trauma is feeling sick and afraid at every medical appointment because as you sit in the exam room and all you can think about are the times you've been invalidated, disbelieved, mistreated, or hospitalized and you're scared it will happen again. It's real and terrifying.

#wheelchair #disability #disability advocacy #disabled people #ableism #cpunk #disabilities #medical ableism #physically disabled #fibro #disabled #chronically ill #chronic disability #chronic illness #chronic pain #health blog #blog

30 notes · View notes

sybilhallward · 6 days

Text

Very fun to be homebound and in pain whenever it gets too windy

#vane blogging #fibromyalgia #fibro posting #chronic pain

2 notes · View notes

eclectic-ways · 1 year

Text

Tour de Force of Nature

When the sun insists but the quirky darkness prevails anyway

11 notes · View notes

disabledopossum · 11 months

Text

I really should stop doing this to myself.

#bpd #bipolar 2 #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #borderline blog #severe anxiety #chronically ill #transgender #depression #fibro

9 notes · View notes

lordirony · 4 months

Text

I do think the concept of a rheumatologist looking at my referral & blood labs and just immediately being like "this bitch got fibro, referral DENIED" is really funny. What a fuckin way to get a diagnosis

#lordy blog #also i thought rheumatologists also dealt with fibro patients????#apparently not??????#well i mean outside of diagnosing apparently but wtf #THIS MONTH HAS BEEN WILD YALL

2 notes · View notes

stealtharchaeologist · 1 year

Text

Okay, but seriously, does anyone else have the thing where they're reading fine one minute, then the next minute, processing the meaning of words is like trying to wade through molasses?

I don't understand it and it is extremely frustrating. I go from reading very quickly to having to slowly reread words/phrases/sentences at least three times to glean any understanding. Like, I know what the words mean, but it just... doesn't process. It's like my head is full of cotton.

Does this mean anything to anybody? Google did mention it could be a migraine symptom, and my head does hurt a little today, but it happens way more often than I get migraines.

#blog #health stuff #reading #migraines #mental health #brain fog #fibro fog #fibromyalgia

11 notes · View notes

rhiannatruex · 1 year

Photo

Autumn Goth

#queueue #her fibro is SO dark #original photography #original photographer #photographers on tumblr #lensblr #original photography blog #photoblog #artists on tumblr #cottagecore #cottage core #grandmacore #chicken #backyard chickens #backyard chickens of tumblr #chickenblr #chickens of tumblr #chickens

154 notes · View notes

lvcifvr · 2 years

Text

had to get driven home by my boss from work yesterday bc my fibro was just absolutely killing me.

headache/migraine.

dIzzy/lightheaded/brain fog.

couldn't focus/concentrate.

my body felt so so heavy, i could barely move it.

everything i tried to pick up felt 10x heavier.

i was in pain all over.

i could barely keep my eyes open bc i was so fatigued.

ended up crying in front of my co-workers out of pain and shame.

boss was lovely and drove me back home in my truck.

i just hate that i both feel ashamed about being disabled and not being able to stay and work and also just so tired of being disabled in the first place.

so many people don't understand how much fibro can affect someone's life and how much pain and frustration it can cause.

after i got home, i was starving, so i ate.

not long after, i threw up. since it hadn't properly digested yet, it was a chunky disgusting and almost suffocating mess.

ended up sleeping for a lil over six hours afterwards.

it is absolutely exhausting dealing with fibro.

#fibro #fibromyalgia #chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #spoonie #disability #actuallydisabled #actually disabled #invisible disability #disabled community #posted on the wrong blog lmaooo #whoopsie #mine

14 notes · View notes

shoreline-system · 11 months

Text

hello hello our system is alive. the disability is disabling lmao apologies for the absence

#water world #idk who's fronting idc #fibro + the subsystem this account was for haven't been near the front #the woes of a subsystem specific blog #we're still trying to work out the best way to handle that #if any polyfrag systems with subsystems/subgroups that DO NOT like to share have any tips #let us know #bc oh my fuck.#i do not hate the gays (my system) but y'all are annoying as hell /ref

2 notes · View notes

accessories-not-included · 1 year

Text

A pair of jeans typically promotes one of two reactions from people. Either people love them or they hate them. For me jeans were a psychological turning point in my Spinal Cord Injury Recovery.

Back in 2020 I suffered from a Spinal Cord Injury that resulted in the following: a fractured Occipital, extruded C1 to C3 vertebrae, fractured C4, herniated C5, crushed T11, TBI, and total spinal and brain concussion.

Needless to say, my life changed forever.

Throughout my recovery, I struggled to latch onto motivation and will to move forward (no pun intended). Up to the point of rehabilitation, I had 3 family members die, 4 pets, my independence, and my health taken away from me. I wasn't able to see my horses nor walk my dog. Let alone write or draw. Simple tasks that are mundane to the average person are far off daydreams to me.

I used to compete and train horses in multiple different disciplines, including Western Pleasure, English Pleasure, Trail riding, Liberty, Western Dressage, English Hack, Dressage, and low level jumping to name a few. Prior to my injury, the majority of my day was spent in dirty jeans, boots, and a T-shirt. Items of clothing that are particularly difficult for me to wear now.

It's been 3 years since my injury. 3 years since I've seen my horses, 3 years since I've worn cowboy boots. And 3 years since I've worn a decent pair of denim. So last week, when my occupational therapist offered to help get me into a pair of loose jeans. A pair of pants that aren't the size that I once was. Let alone the same type of denim that I so fondly used to wear working around the ranch. I hesitated.

Could I resist these memories and face the memories of my past, knowing I'm not the same person that I once was? Knowing that these pair of pants don't hold the same purpose that they once did.

Once denim is meant to be durable and protective from the elements. Now, they represent physical struggles and challenges that have yet to be confronted. So when my therapist rolled my body and aids in shoving the thick fabric over my crippled body, I was left with nothing but wet tears and silent sobs.

For I was once the no-nonsense ranch hand. Now, wearing my old uniform, I am left to question who my new identity is. Am I a Disabled cowgirl? Or am I just a Disabled person who happens to know a fair bit about the ins and outs of ranching?

It's strange to realize how a simple pair of pants can stir up so much confusion and uncertainty in one's sense of self. Do you choose to move on with this new motivation to regain lost identity? Or do you choose instead to pursue new horizons of unknown territory?

I think the answer is simple. We have outgrown those pants now and are no longer the same as who we once were. But nor can we just trudge forward through new pastures without knowing where we once came from.

I am and will always be a ranch hand. It will always be a part of me even though I can no longer perform the same tasks as I once could.

When I put these pants on, so many people told me that I looked like my "old self." This held a twinge of fear in my chest, knowing that I resembled a ghost. Someone who once existed but will no longer walk among the living again.

So I ask you, do you love jeans? Or do you hate them? For me, I can't have one without the other. Jeans were my uniform. I had forgotten how much I had changed as a person until I put my old uniform back on.

I relied on it like a crutch. To the point where now, when I wore denim, people were reminded of who I was prior to my injury. Now, having been 3 years post injury, I've been forced to explore who I am as a person and who I want to become.

And I have to be honest, I still don't have a fucking clue.

But I do know that people change. It's the simple act of evolution. We must adapt to survive. As long as we have this trust in ourselves, self-truth will follow.

#wheelchair #disability #disability advocacy #disabled people #ableism #cpunk #disabilities #medical ableism #physically disabled #fibro #blog #health blog #disabled #chronically ill #chronic disability #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue

52 notes · View notes