#i didn't even read that shit and i know it's the usual gray character | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crimson-wrld · 2 years

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Deep Breath//Drown

I wrote this as a (belated) birthday present to my lovelyyy friend @mascwhump! All characters belong to him-- go read his shit ;)

CW: noncon, noncon drugging, aphrodisiac, forced to watch (yes I did it again...), restraints, needles, light burning, waterboarding, thoughts of dying, knives, branding, wound tending

Charlie awoke suddenly out of a dream by the sound of loud pounding at the front door. He sat up, groggily rubbing his eyes and blindly searching with his other hand for his phone lost in the mound of blankets.

When he finally managed to find it, he clicked the power, squinting at the brightness of his lock screen. The time read 3:04 in the morning, and he threw his head back with a groan; it was going to take forever for him to fall back asleep…

He was in the base alone for the week; they had been given a vacation of sorts, and everyone else had gone home. Adrian had even gone back to Glasgow, but Charlie had just decided to stay in London and was keeping up with the house by himself.

The sound of banging on the door startled him again.

“Jesus,” he muttered, finally swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing, the sound of his bones popping filling the otherwise quiet home. He trudged through the living room, adjusting the waistband of his sweatpants.

He didn't even bother turning on the lights, huffing in annoyance as he reached for the doorknob and the knocking started again. He swung it open quickly, forming a curse on his tongue until he noticed who now stood before him.

"Ethan? Wha-"

"Charlie," he breathed, pushing past him and into the dark living room, "I got an email– with a link-"

"You woke me and all of London for an email?" He said incredulously. He closed the door and followed Ethan into the house.

"No Charlie, uhm, there was a picture too and- it's Crow."

"What do you mean it's Crow?" He asked, voice now more serious as he flipped the light switch. It felt like a rock had sunk in his stomach… There was no way this could be good.

"J-just look," Ethan said, turning his phone to face Charlie. The first thing he noticed was the picture… it was hard not to. Charlie grabbed the phone from his fingers.

It was in Crow's apartment, the kitchen maybe, and Crow's body was sprawled on the floor. He had a large red inflamed spot around his right eye and a split in his lip. Charlie couldn't see much more from the way he was positioned and the closeness of the camera.

His eyes trailed back above to read the subject line, "Your Captain needs better locks."

Below the picture was the link, then another paragraph that read, "If you want to see your friend alive, wait at the link provided until further notice. -Your friend, 🐺"

Charlie stared at the phone blankly for a second trying to process, glancing back at Crow's unconscious form on the floor of his own apartment. He was otherwise uninjured as far as Charlie could see, but the likelihood of him staying that way seemed… slim.

"Did you click the link yet?" He asked, turning to Ethan who shook his head in response.

"No, I didn't know what to do. Adrian's back home, so I just came here when I saw it… I ubered and I forgot my keys…"

Charlie's finger hovered before clicking the blue text, the phone loaded for a second before moving to a gray screen with text that said: "See you soon :)"

He looked to Ethan again, a frown forming on his face, "It's just a waiting screen," he said, yawning- it was way too damn early to be awake.

"Do you think it's even real?" Ethan mumbled nervously, "Y-you think they really have Cap?"

"I don't know… I guess we'll just have to wait," Charlie sighed. Ethan nodded meekly, crumpling onto the couch and pulling his knees up to his chest.

Charlie moved into the kitchen. He thought maybe today was the day he should drink a coffee in the morning, but he decided on his usual glass of orange juice instead.

A wave of discomfort moved through his body as he took his first sip. He couldn't think of any specific reason why Crow was being targeted; enemies came easy in this line of work. He slowly moved back into the other room, sinking next to Ethan on the sofa and setting his glass on the table. Ethan was staring at the phone now, the screen remaining unchanged. After ten minutes passed, Charlie decided to cast it onto the TV.

"How long do you think we'll have to wait?" Ethan asked quietly. Charlie only shrugged.

When the TV screen finally lit up around a half hour later, Charlie sat up, inhaling heavily through his nose in anticipation. He nudged Ethan with his elbow; he had begun to nod off where he sat curled into the edge of the couch and startled awake at the contact.

They were greeted on the TV by a man, sharp-faced with dark hair and stubble lining his chin. He was wearing a tight black shirt with a logo on the breast that Charlie didn't recognize.

"Hello friends, my name is Wolf," he spoke, "I'm glad you've joined us today. It seems that I have something of interest to you," He said, stepping back and to the side, revealing a man sitting in a chair behind him… Crow.

He was gagged, a tight white cloth wrapped around his head and tucked tightly behind his teeth, his hair was a mess, as were his clothes. It looked like what he normally slept in, ripped and stretched in some places… They must have dragged him out of his own bed.

"Fuuck," Charlie breathed, burying his chin in his hands.

His hands were tied to each arm of the chair with layers of coarse-looking rope, and Charlie could see his ankles were bound to the chair legs in a similar fashion. Another rope wrapped around his waist and the back of the chair to keep him secured. The red mark in the picture had turned into a full-blown bruise now, deep purple and blue around his eye that leaked down to follow the curve of his cheekbone. His eyebrows were drawn down, a spark in his eyes– He was pissed.

"What do we do?" Ethan asked quietly. Charlie didn't respond, he was too distracted by what was going on to think properly. They watched as the man walked up behind their captain, wrapping a large hand around the back of his neck, eliciting a muffled groan from him.

"We've got your friends watching live, say hello," The man said, using his hand to straighten Crow's head. Unfocused eyes looked up, struggling to find the camera in the room. He seemed disoriented, like he couldn't tell what he was looking at.

"Now, we don't want anything from you; not money, not information, not death… if this one behaves," Wolf spoke again, hand moving up to Crow's hair and tangling into the messy strands, tugging against them as he talked. Crow tried to move away, but he seemed so uncoordinated that he could barely even shift to the side. "We just want to show you what you're fighting against… We're going to have a lot of fun."

Wolf beckoned to someone with a nod of his head, calling, “Baker.”

Another man walked into frame from off-screen, a syringe in his fingers. The other man, who was seemingly the leader, tightened his grip in Crow's hair and used it to pull his head back, exposing his neck. The other man prepped the syringe, stalking closer to the chair. As Charlie watched, he felt goosebumps rise on his skin.

“Looks like he’s still got the other shit in his system,” Baker laughed, eying the camera, “He's a big guy, gotta pump him full just to make sure he stays down.”

Crow growled into the gag, trying to jerk away when the man grabbed him by the shoulder. His head was pulled further back, hair twisted in the leader's hand so tight it seemed like he might nearly pull the chunk out of his scalp. The needle was jabbed into his neck, plunger pressed until all the liquid inside had entered his veins.

"What the fuck was that?" Charlie asked aloud, he couldn't help the waver in his voice. His heart was thumping in his chest, he didn't want to watch whatever they were going to do, but he didn't know how to stop any of it, and he felt like he couldn't look away.

"I don't know." Ethan whispered, biting his bottom lip, "But they must have sedated him before...There's got to be a way we can track him or something, right?"

"I don't know how to track a fucking IP!" Charlie responded, eyes wide and voice toned with exasperation. He pulled his phone from his pocket and opened his contacts, scrolling to a name and dialing.

"Who are you calling?"

"Adrian," He mumbled, "I don't know… he can't really help but he should know what's going on."

A short silence followed between them, until Charlie spoke again, "He didn't pick up. He's probably passed out drunk somewhere right now– fuck."

On the screen, Baker pulled a box from his pocket, popping open the top and pulling a cigarette from it, lighting it with a lighter from his other hand. He took a deep drag and puffed the smoke right at the side of Crow's face. Crow stared straight ahead, not letting them get a reaction, but he clenched his jaw in annoyance.

As soon as Wolf noticed, his face upturned, “Put that out, I don't want to smell that shit,” He said. Baker side-eyed him, raising the stick up to his mouth another time and exhaling the same way he did before. Crow glared at him as the tobacco smell invaded his nostrils. Baker chuckled, but as he leaned back up, he noticed Wolf’s disapproving stare.

“You wanna end up next to him?” He sneered. At the silence that followed, he spoke again, “Then fucking put it out.”

“Fine.” Baker rolled his eyes. He flicked the excess ashes off into Crow's hair and in one swift move, jabbed the lit end of the cigarette onto the curve of his trachea.

Crow whined in surprise as the heat seared into the skin on his throat. He sluggishly pushed backward into the edge of the chair, flinching as Baker removed the cigarette and plastered it just above his collarbone.

The pain prickled into him, slow and sharp like the push of a needle. Baker pressed it in firmer until the smell of Crow's own burning flesh wafted upwards into his nose. His nose scrunched up and he fought his drugged brain not to gag. Baker held it there until he could hardly feel the skin underneath anymore, nerves singeing away. He flicked his lighter, reheating the bud until it glowed bright red again, and lit four more down the line of Crow's throat to trail the first, the captive holding his stare the entire time.

Baker pulled the cigarette away from blistered skin, moving it mere centimetres from Crow's left eye, heat wafting in until it watered slightly.

"I'll put that fucking glare in your eye out" he hissed. Crow grunted in response.

"Stop messing around and grab the bucket," Wolf ordered.

Baker chuckled lowly, dropping the remains of the cigarette to the cement floor and crushing the bud with his boot. He moved out of the stream's view, the sound of rustling could be heard to the side. He appeared again shortly after with a large bucket, lugging it toward Wolf and setting it at his feet, water sloshing out of the side as he went. When he was done he returned to the other side of Crow's chair, hand grabbing his chin and tilting his head far back so it was parallel to the floor, leaving the fresh burns on perfect display.

The camera was picked up and moved closer, angled so they could see Crow from the side, just as a cloth was placed over his face. His chin moved as he weakly tried to escape, the drug sapping at all of his strength… Baker just moved it back and tightened his hold.

Wolf picked up the bucket from the floor, bringing it above Crow's head, and though Crow couldn't see what was coming for him, both Charlie and Ethan braced in nervous anticipation.

The bucket tipped. Ice cold water rushed out and onto the man below, drenching the cloth and his clothes immediately. He flinched hard, his fists curling up as he pulled against the ropes securing him to the chair. A strangled gargle filled the room, echoing off the cement walls.

Ethan gasped, his hands shakily moving to cover his mouth. Charlie stared straight ahead. His blood was boiling, hand white-knuckled around his glass. Seeing Crow like this made him nauseous, and there was nothing he could do about it besides watch.

The towel clung to Crow's face, water soaking into the gag he wore and seeping into his nostrils. He felt like he was suffocating, until it soaked fully through and entered his airways. With the gag there he couldn't close his mouth, and Baker’s harsh grip ensured that he couldn't shake the rag away. His body convulsed with violent coughs, trying desperately to expel the liquid entering his lungs.

It felt like forever until Baker pulled him back up and peeled the rag off of his face. Water began leaking from his nose, but Baker took his time removing the gag. When he finally did, Crow hacked the water back out onto his lap, trying to pull in as much air as he could. Every cough agitated the burns on his throat. The relief was short-lived though, because he was barely given enough time to recover before his head was pulled down again.

He spluttered on his own words trying to speak- nothing coherent came out before the towel was thrown back over his face.

This time, when the bucket tipped, his choking was much more audible.

Charlie stood abruptly from his seat, tugging a hand through his hair as he began to pace around his spot in the living room.

"Fucking--shit-" He mumbled, heart pounding in his chest and his pacing growing more erratic as the torture continued on, "-Shit shit shit."

Crow tried to toss himself to the side, but his body was so sluggish that even without Baker's grip holding him still, he wouldn't have made it. He gagged violently as his lungs were invaded, chest seizing with panic. His head pounded, ears ringing this time as the water ran down his throat.

They let him up seconds later, and just like the first time, he immediately devolved into a fit of coughs. The men laughed at his struggle, the leader speaking something to the camera that he couldn’t make out– not that he was paying much attention– he was mostly trying to feel like he wasn't dying anymore.

A hand returned in his hair- which seemed to be a favourite move of theirs- and pulled him eye-to-eye with Wolf. “Ready to go again, big guy?” He mocked.

“Fuck you…” Crow wheezed, words slurring together.

Wolf laughed again and motioned for Baker to resume his hold. The rag was put back over his face, but they left his eyes uncovered this time. Crow did all he could to brace himself, but there was no way to prepare for the terrible sensation of drowning that followed. Everything burned, his chest, throat and nose felt like they had been grated with sandpaper.

They held him under longer than before. The ringing in his ears seemed to multiply and the room swayed like Adrian after a long night of drinking. As the water poured, he was forced to stare above at Wolf's sadistic smile. He coughed and gagged as he struggled, skin scraping away where his wrists strained against his bonds.

He never thought drowning would be the way he’d go, but as black swam around the edges of his vision, he was beginning to think that might be the case. Just as it seemed like unconsciousness would take hold of him, the flow of water stopped. He was so weak he couldn't even pull his own head up this time, they had to do it for him. Just like the last two times, his body convulsed, draining the liquid from his lungs.

His head was yanked back up by his wet hair until his bloodshot eyes faced the camera again. The scowl on his face hadn't faltered, but there was a tremble in the way his body sat that made him look vulnerable in a way Charlie had never seen before.

"Not so strong, is he now?" The man holding him spoke with a chuckle, letting Crow's head go where it then slumped slightly to the side, water dripping from his beard. When he’d finally expelled everything from his mouth and nose, Baker pulled the gag back between his teeth like it was nothing.

The camera moved back to where it was originally, the sound of water hitting the floor echoing in the room. Crow's chest heaved with every breath, soft pained groans escaping between.

As Baker moved to retreat behind the camera again, he paused in front of their captive. His fist curled into the fabric of Crow's shirt, pulling his body as far forward as it could go before being stopped by the ropes. His head hung still, he was far too weak and drugged to hold it up now. He barely reacted when Baker began to cut his shirt away.

He startled though when a low buzzing sound filled the room and something hard glided onto his head. His eyes widened as chunks of black hair fell into his vision, sinking between Baker's arms and onto his lap. He shifted backward, puffing through his nose in shock.

"Keep fucking still," Wolf growled above him, wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling him back into a headlock. He drove the razor through Crow's hair again. Baker laughed at his stunned face next to him, finishing cutting through his shirt and pulling the soaked cloth from his body.

His hair was buzzed down to the scalp as he was held in place. His teammates watched still; Charlie huffed angrily, and Ethan shook with nerves. He felt sick to his stomach and curled further into the couch. It felt like they were watching his identity be stripped away from him.

When Wolf was done, Crow was unmoving where he sat. He almost looked defeated; the sedative and exhausting torture forced him to put all his focus on breathing alone, he didn't even have time to dwell on his missing hair.

Wolf gave the electric razor to Baker as he exited the frame. It was just the two of them again now, and Wolf circled the chair like a boa about to constrict its prey. He gave him a few seconds of reprieve as he checked the time on his phone, face pulling into a smirk as he realized how long it had been.

Wolf stopped beside him and slowly trailed a finger up Crow's leg. He slipped his hand under the bottom of the shorts he wore and followed up his bare thigh, adding slight pressure the closer he got to the top. A soft moan followed, but not one of pain, making Charlie's eyebrows furrow. Crow's half-lidded eyes fluttered closed, head tilting ever so slightly back, almost as if he didn't realize the noise that had come from his own mouth.

"What the…" Charlie whispered in disbelief, thought cut off by the man speaking again.

"Seems like our little friend from earlier has finally decided to kick in," Wolf said, flashing a wicked smirk.

Charlie's eyes widened, his chest panging with all the emotions running through him. He couldn't tell if he was angry, or upset or scared- truly, he was a mix of all three. It finally started to dawn on him what they had injected Crow with at the start.

Wolf moved behind him, cradling Crow's head with one of his hands, his other one coming around, a finger poking out and hooking around the cloth to pull the gag from his mouth.

"Don't…" Crow managed through an unintelligible mess of sounds, voice croaking, "Don't touch me…"

"How cute," Wolf mumbled, caressing down Crow's jaw and over his beard, "You think you have a say in this," his voice dripped in mockery, a sinister chuckle following after. The man's hand travelled slowly down Crow's chest and stomach, finally landing on his boxers.

"Stop," He breathed, a waver in his raspy voice. He tugged at the ropes as hard as he could in his weakened state- to no avail. Charlie could see that his wrists were rubbed raw at this point; screaming red welts peeking out from underneath the bonds.

Crow knew they were watching– Charlie, or Ethan, maybe even Adrian. He was trying his hardest not to react, trying so damn hard not to make a sound, to be strong. Everything hurt, limbs aching and his throat still burning from the water he'd inhaled; every movement he made to struggle lit his wounds on fire. And with both heavy drugs coursing through him, it was hard to keep his focus over all the pain.

He couldn't help it.

He whimpered as the man started to palm him through his boxers. His whole body felt heavy, barely responding to his brain- it took everything in him just to move slightly, let alone speak. He felt like his body was betraying him… no part of him wanted this, but the drug in him made his body react anyway. The best he could do was look up at the ceiling so he didn't have to see, but mostly, so he didn't have to look into the camera. It didn't take long for him to get hard.

He wished the gag was still in his mouth.

"Oh my god, oh my god–" Ethan squeaked through uneven panicked breaths. Charlie glanced at him, he was shaking like a leaf, a mortified expression on his face. "I can't-" he said, standing from the couch and stumbling around the corner into the kitchen.

Charlie wanted to follow him, but he felt stuck to his seat. He wanted to find anything that could lead them to Crow's whereabouts, no matter how much it pained him to watch.

Wolf grabbed the waistband of Crow's boxers and pulled them down. Crow shifted uncomfortably in his chair, pursing his lips. When a cold hand wrapped around his dick, he began his last attempt to struggle, managing only a slight twist of his torso and a small kick of his leg. The friction alone sent a shudder up his spine; his skin was flushed now, warmth spreading through his body and sweat trickling down his forehead.

"Ah- f-fuck," he gasped as the man began to stroke him. His teeth sunk into his bottom lip and he cursed himself for making noise

"Look, he can't even hold himself together," Wolf chuckled behind him, quickening his pace. Despite Crow's best efforts, another moan was choked out of him. "Your captain sounds like a little whore."

"I'mmm gonna…" Crow mumbled weakly, a whine escaping in between, "fu-fucking kill you," He breathed, all his focus on forming words on his tongue.

"Sounds like you're enjoying it to me, big guy," Wolf murmured, "Are we sure it's the drug? Or are you so depraved that you're getting off to this? What do you think your friends are thinking watching you right now?" He asked, leaning down and kissing Crow's neck, sucking a hickey in its spot.

"Think he's gone enough to suck a few cocks?" The cameraman asked. Crow growled in response.

Charlie jumped from his chair again, muttering curses under his breath. He turned towards the table, grabbing the first thing he saw and throwing it against the adjacent wall. His glass cup shattered, shards flying onto the floor with a crash.

"Charlie-" Ethan gasped as he scrambled back into the room.

"Fuck, Ethan," he huffed, angrily throwing his hands into his hair, "they're-"

Both their heads turned toward the TV screen again when they heard Wolf laugh. Crow was overtaken by the drugs in his bloodstream, his head weakly leaned back against Wolf's chest. Every touch sent warmth cascading through him. His body couldn't hold back anymore, and his hips mindlessly bucked against Wolf's hand.

"You really must love this, hmm," Wolf taunted, his other hand coming up to rub against Crow's nipple. A broken breathy moan left his lips.

"N…no," he whimpered, but his protests went ignored as Wolf quickened his pace again, stroking him through unwanted pleasure until he finally finished right into his hand.

"You're fucking disgusting," Wolf chuckled. His unoccupied hand grabbed Crow's chin and pushed his head further back against his chest, tilting it up until he was staring into the dazed eyes of his captive. He pushed his fingers into Crow's mouth. He gagged around the force of the intrusion, but Wolf held them there, forcing Crow to lick his own cum from each of them. A trail of saliva followed when he finally pulled them out, and he wiped the remnants onto Crow's stomach.

Ethan's mouth gaped, his legs beginning to wobble underneath him. "I… I-" he choked, pulling himself back onto the couch when his legs refused to hold him up anymore. A few tears slipped from his eyes and he heaved a sob from deep in his chest.

On the other side of the room, Charlie was fuming. "Motherfucker," he grumbled. He turned around, avoiding stepping in the glass and threw a punch at the wall. When he wasn't satisfied with the first, he punched it again, and again until he punched through the drywall and his knuckles pulled away bloody.

The cameraman handed something to Wolf, who accepted it with a devious smile. He brandished it to the camera, revealing a large knife as he pulled it around and pushed it slightly against Crow's throat, right next to glaring red burns.

"Maybe we should cut you open, huh?" Wolf purred into his ear. The blade dug into his skin, blood leaking from underneath, Wolf jerked hard and away, as if he was going to slit his throat. Charlie heard Ethan take a sharp breath next to him.

"I think we should give you something so you'll never forget this moment," Wolf smiled, the knife in his hand glinting off the ceiling light. "So you'll never forget your friends here, and hopefully, neither will your teammates."

He leaned over Crow's shoulder, placing the tip of the blade on his chest, just above his nipple. He pressed in, blood spilling out and dripping down his stomach. Wolf drew a jagged line straight down, then pulled up again, continuing to carve into Crow's skin until Charlie realized that he had made a large W into his flesh.

He didn't stop there though, he moved an inch over and cut a curving line right next to it. The blood seeped into Crow's boxers and his shorts, staining them red. He moved over again, and as the straight red line was formed down Crow's chest, Charlie finally realized what was happening.

He was carving his name, branding him like he was property.

Crow's breathing was heavy, every new line pulled pained noises from his lips. Wolf carelessly sliced the blade through his skin, cutting down his abdomen when he had finished the letters.

"Isn't that beautiful," he said, "But sadly, that's all I have time for. I'll leave him with one last thing, and hopefully… someone will find him."

He lightly dragged the knife down Crow's side, and just before he got to his hip, he jabbed it in, all the way to the handle, quickly pulling it out just as fast as it had gone in. Crow yelped, blood pouring from the wound.

"Otherwise, you might just be searching for a new captain."

Wolf smirked and waved at the camera, and just like that, the screen turned black. Charlie was so pissed that his hands were shaking, and his stomach continued to flip in nauseating waves. He almost felt tears burning at the back of his eyes, but he didn't let any fall. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

"So-" He started, clearing his throat to stop his voice from wavering, "So how are we going to find him?"

Ethan was quiet where he sat, sniffling through his nose. He was coming down from his panic attack still, and wiped his eyes as he thought of anything at all to help the situation. He moved into the kitchen again and poured a glass of water, taking big gulps trying to calm his racing heart.

Charlie followed him, attempting to call Adrian again as he walked. He waited through every ring until the voicemail played. When there was no answer, he tried another time, tapping his leg nervously. He was sent to voicemail for the third time and he threw his head into his hands– getting ahold of Adrian before one pm on a vacation was a lost cause.

A few excruciating minutes passed while they sat in thought, both of their brains seemed to be working in slow motion.

"I don't know what to do… Where do we even start? We have no clues, no address, nothing." Charlie huffed.

Ethan trembled still, setting his glass on the counter as he began to speak, "I… what if we grab Deke and… w-we can go to Crow's apartment to see if they left anything there."

Charlie nodded, and just as he began to move downstairs for a gun, the back door suddenly swung open on the other side of the kitchen. Ethan jumped at the loud bang as it hit the wall, and Charlie tensed. His first thought was that the men who had taken Crow had now come for them.

A pained moan and disorderly shuffling broke the silence in the house. Charlie's search for a weapon was cut short as Ethan peeked around the corner.

"Crow?" He spoke, stunned still in his spot. Charlie's brow furrowed as he stepped behind him to look over his shoulder.

"Hey," Crow's deep voice croaked. He stumbled into his bedroom and shut the door behind him while the boys were still too shocked to do anything.

"How did he..?" Ethan mumbled after a few seconds.

"I don't know… He's gonna bleed out in there if you don't get to him though," Charlie muttered back. They shared worried looks before stepping up his door and knocking.

"...Crow?" Ethan called softly. He slowly tried turning the knob, only to find that it was locked. Ethan looked back at Charlie again, the frown on his face growing deeper as he turned to knock again.

"Your wounds looked bad… Please Crow, at least just let us patch you up," He pleaded.

"Well leave you alone after if you want," Charlie added after.

There was a short moment with no response. They were beginning to think he hadn't even heard them, and just as Ethan began to open his mouth again, they heard the click of the lock turning in the door.

Ethan paused before gingerly pushing it open. Crow was still making his way back to his bed, he was stumbling and had to hold onto the wall just to keep himself standing.

Ethan took one good look at him and rushed out to grab his tools.

He had made makeshift tourniquets with his shirt remnants where they had stabbed him, and he now had more bruises than he did when the stream left off; the one by his eye had gotten even worse. He had dark red strips of flayed skin on each wrist and he huffed breaths with every step.

He let himself fall into the bed with a deep groan just as Ethan bounded back in.

"Charlie-" he said hurriedly, tossing him a warm wet washcloth, "take this and wipe as much blood as you can."

Charlie nodded and began doing as told. There was a lot more blood up close than on the tv, Crow's clothes were soaked with it, and it quickly got all over Charlie as he cleaned it away. On the other side of him, Ethan was uncovering the wound on his side; it was still leaking blood. Crow whimpered as Ethan put pressure on it, red spilling out between his fingers and onto the comforter as he grabbed for his own towel.

Charlie watched him fumble for his supplies with his other hand, "I need to stitch it," he said, pushing the bloodied towel firmer against the wound. Crow only whined in response.

After a few minutes, Ethan finally got the bleeding to stop. He wasted no time threading his sutures and beginning to work on closing the wound.

While Charlie was distracted watching, he felt a hand brush against his. He looked down to see Crow reaching out to him. Charlie noticed the blood on his hands then, smeared across like he had left a murder scene, but Crow interlaced their fingers anyway, squeezing onto him. Charlie squeezed back, but neither of them spoke a peep, the only sounds in the room from Ethan pushing needle into skin and Crow's heavy breathing.

Crow grimaced as the thread pulled through him, and Charlie squeezed his hand again in reassurance.

When Ethan finally finished with the stab wound, he moved on to the cuts on his chest and neck. They weren't deep enough to need stitches, so he cleaned and bandaged them instead.

"Is there… anything else we can do now..?" Ethan asked timidly as he packed his stuff away.

"I just… wanna shower… and b-be alone," Crow mumbled, still struggling to speak coherently.

Ethan nodded, and after telling him to be careful about getting his bandages wet, Charlie followed him out of the room. He took one last look back at Crow's crumpled form on the bed before shutting the door behind them.

About a minute later, they heard the lock turn again.

An hour later, Charlie lay awake in his bed. He had been tossing and turning since he layed down, and even though he was tired from being woken up in the middle of the night, he couldn't fall asleep. All he could think about was Crow and the stream; every time he closed his eyes he saw Wolf smiling above his head as he tortured him.

He had given up on getting any sleep tonight.

He startled when his bedroom door suddenly opened, and he sat up quickly. He couldn't shake the fear that the men were going to come back for the rest of them.

In his doorway though, stood Crow.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" He asked. His voice was still raw from the drowning, but it seemed that the drugs had finally started to wear off. Charlie shook his head in response. He moved over and motioned for Crow to sit next to him.

"I'm bloody exhausted," he whispered as he crawled into the bed, "But I couldn't sleep."

"I can't sleep either," Charlie said, turning toward him. Now when Crow was so close, he noticed that his eyes were slightly puffy, as if he had been crying.

"I still can't see straight," Crow mumbled. There was still a slight slur in his voice, too. He pulled his hand up to his head, feeling the short buzzed stubble there where his hair had been. "I don't know if I can get used to this," he said sadly.

Charlie frowned and snuggled closer to him, burying his face into the curve of Crow's neck. Crow shifted, all the talking was agitating the burns on his throat, and Charlie's warm breath over the hickey Wolf had left him made his breath waver. After a second, he wrapped his arms around the smaller man and pulled him closer anyway.

Charlie noticed the falter, but neither of them mentioned it. Crow was happier that way. He could still feel Wolf's hands on him, especially below his waist. No matter how long he had showered, or how hot the water had been, he could still feel the shame burning under his skin as fresh as the stab in his side or the brand on his chest. He was glad nobody had said anything; all he wanted to do was sleep... For now, Charlie's company was enough, no matter how wrong it was.

"Maybe, don't tell anyone I slept in here," he breathed.

"It's alright," Charlie responded quietly. He found Crow's hand and interlaced their fingers again, "Just try and get some rest."

Crow pulled him close one more time, resting his chin on top of Charlie's head. He squeezed his hand tightly, and finally, he was able to close his eyes for some much-needed sleep.

He would deal with the aftermath once they woke up.

#nsfwhump #noncon tw #whump #intimate whumper #police and hospitals dont exist guys we know this #forced to watch #happy birthday friend!!!#kinda its long passed lkmao #whump community #I love them!!!#somebody take them away from me!!

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hergan416 · 1 year

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Re-Reading Chapter 10 and I really think I know why my first reading of Dorian Gray fucked me up so bad. This chapter is SHORT. And moved SO MUCH FASTER than 9. It's so much easier to read, because you don't need an education to see what is happening (and so I didn't need google that much)

I already mentioned the use of the word "languidly" in my last post, and I thought this was mostly just a joking, shitposty reading of the book, but honestly, after reading the whole thing I do think that Chapter 10 reads like the build-up in (gay) romantic fanfiction.

One of the things fanfiction does really well (or at least that that I read most frequently) is take flawed characters, have them reveal those flaws, and then be redeemed through love despite their flaws.

I think about @nenya85's various prideshipping verses, where Atem and Seto go through many iterations of communication to finally (in Atem's case) find a sense of self and (in Kaiba's) find self-acceptance. I think about @uglifish's I am Just A Poor And Starving Artist, where Kaiba and Atem are a fanwriter and a fanartist respectively, creating prideshipping content off each other and neither realizing who the other is or that their feelings are reciprocated. I think about Johnny's love for the Devil and how "bad for business" he is in The Devil Went Down to Georgia (And Then Went Down On Johnny). I think about how outside of the kink, what is really touching about katamar is Katakuri realizing that he's more than the monster he's built up in his head. For example, from @touchmycoat's Bite the hand / that starves you: "This was a decidedly foreign sensation—when was the last time someone feared him less than they liked him? When was the last time someone had looked right at Katakuri’s bare face, and then licked his own lips?" How is that not the most romantic shit ever? Even the zosan, which I mention mostly because it's easy to find and ubiquitous, often features a point where both characters have to be ok both hating and loving each other. Honestly, Sanji's inclusion usually means some sort of coming to terms with himself and his internalized insecurities, with the help of everyone around him, who don't think he's as bad as he is.

There's always a point where someone is going to bare their soul, and whomever they do that with is going to hold that soul in their hands and find it beautiful. Sure Dorian Gray is accused of being bad, and a lot of time has passed, but surely he's not that bad. He's redeemable? Love will work for him too?

This whole time I've been reading stories, conditioning myself to expect stories, where when you bare your soul to someone, especially to someone like Basil Hallward, who has repeatedly been described as being devoted to Dorian Gray, Dorian Gray will find love and redemption. Basil will still love him, even when he bares the nastiness of his soul.

I didn't know what was going to happen when I read this the first time. I'll see what changes with my perspective with the warning I've got from having read the book before in a bit. But really, I guess what I'm saying is that I've come to expect catharsis at this point in a story. And I know what happens and I'm not going to get it.

#liveblogging the uncesnored picture of dorian gray #fanfiction recs #long post #essay with fannish perspective #do seriously love all the fics i recommended #apep swallows the moon should also really be on this list #but the fanfics arent really the point and once i edit it in im just going to find more stories i should promo #if you guys want my taste in fanfiction just go check out my ao3 bookmarks #they're going to be more complete than a random tumblr post about dorian gray

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stahlop · 1 year

Text

I posted 205 times in 2022

22 posts created (11%)

183 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cssns

@stahlop

@kmomof4

@spartanguard

@pirateherokillian

I tagged 37 of my posts in 2022

#once upon a time - 9 posts

#cssns 2022 - 7 posts

#once upon a time rewatch - 6 posts

#once upon a time review - 5 posts

#captain swan supernatural summer - 5 posts

#captain swan - 4 posts

#csss22 - 4 posts

#wip game - 4 posts

#killian jones - 3 posts

#mariakov81 - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 67 characters

#and then were stabbed with a sword by said savior to save the world

My Top Posts in 2022:

CSSNS Artist Spotlight

I am highlighting @mariakov81. She wasn’t even my artist but she made me the artwork below for my CSSNS 20 fic Making a Memory. This was a birthday gift she made for me before I’d even posted the piece, but Masha had been hearing me talk about it for over a year by that point.

I don’t know if she’ll be able to art for us this year, as she’s been displaced by the war in the Ukraine, but she’s too talented not to shine a spotlight on.

22 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

What are you doing New Year’s Eve?

Hey all! I had hoped to get this done for New Years, but that didn't quite happen. Only 10 days late. Not too bad. The muse would not stop talking while I was writing this, so you get this 10,000 word one-shot. This is a fake dating fic, but with a twist. I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks to @profdanglaisstuff and @thisonesatellite for being my awesome betas!

Summary:

“You were thinking I could pretend to be your new boyfriend?” He looks a bit incredulous that she’s asking him this. Crap! Did she read this whole situation wrong? They’re always flirting in the hall and at the mailbox, usually when she’s just gotten home from her job. Maybe he’s just the type that flirts with everyone and he really isn’t interested in her. She’s usually really good at reading people.

“Yes?” It comes out like a squeak. She feels like an idiot. Emma Swan, who can take down a man in six-inch heels and a mini-dress as one of Boston’s top bail bonds people, is making a complete fool of herself.

Rated: T

Read it on Ao3

Emma looks at the slightly damp invitation in her hand before knocking hesitantly on her neighbor’s door. Of all the insane plans she’s had, this one certainly takes the cake. And now she’s getting her neighbor involved. Though he flirts with her constantly, so she’s pretty sure he’s interested in her and her whole scheme won’t be completely out of left field. And now she’s feeling like an idiot just standing out here. Maybe her knock was too hesitant.

She’s about to leave and just forgo this whole thing when he opens his door.

“Hey!” he says, with a grin on his face. Emma notices his dark hair is wet and dripping down the hair on his chest. A towel rests low on his waist and Emma notices a happy trail that starts right below his belly button. Shit! She must have caught him right out of the shower.

“Um, hey!” she says back. That was so lame. Emma tries to regain her composure and get back on track with her plan. “I can come back later if you’d like.”

He looks her up and down and Emma is glad she wore a deep v-neck top tonight. “Not a problem. Come on in, take a seat.” He gestures to his black leather couch. “Just let me put some clothes on.” Her neighbor disappears into a room directly across from the front door. Emma makes herself at home on the couch and looks around. It’s pretty neat, with a coat and shoe rack combo right next to the door. A coffee table is placed right in front of the couch with some mail on it. Some men’s magazines and a TV Guide, Emma notices. There are few pictures around, mainly of him with friends. None with girls. So her instinct that he was single was right. It’s definitely got that bachelor pad feel to it.

“Sorry about that.” He says as he comes back in from his room. He’s changed into a pair of loose fitting jeans, a gray henley (that unfortunately covers up his chest hair), and an unzipped brown hoodie. He rubs the back of his head with a towel and Emma can’t help smiling at how hot he looks doing it. “What can I do you for?” he asks, sitting close to her. A wave of butterflies goes through her stomach because there’s a whole other side of the couch he could have sat on, and instead, he’s decided to be close to her.

“Um, okay, this is going to sound insane, but….” she trails off and just hands him the invitation. He takes it from her and reads it out loud.

“Storybrooke Annual New Year’s Eve Ball,” he announces. “You want me to go to a ball with you?” He looks confused at the invitation.

“So, my parents –who I love and are the best people– try to set me up every year at this thing. And it’s something that I have to go to. I always go back to my hometown in Maine for it. And I’m sick of the set ups, so I kinda told them I’d started seeing someone….” At this her neighbor gives her a quizzical look, like he doesn’t quite understand what she’s telling him. “Um, I was kind of hoping that I could get away with saying it was a new relationship and he wasn’t ready to meet the parents yet, but they insisted.” She’s started fidgeting with her hair now, the blonde strands that never stay in her ponytail no matter how tightly she pulls it back. “So, I was thinking…”

“Sure, Ems,” he smiles. “I’d love to come home with you and pretend to be your fake boyfriend.” Emma lets go of the breath she didn’t even realize she was holding.

“Thanks, Neal.” A smile forms on her lips. “Let’s go over the details.”

—----

“Emma! Honey, Emma’s home!” Emma’s mother has been out on the front porch of the old farmhouse waiting for them. It’s currently snowing and her mother is waiting on the front porch.

“Mom! It’s freezing outside,” she huffs. Droplets of her breath hanging in the air as if to prove her point. She was already irritated. Neal had insisted on driving his Jeep instead of her precious, yellow Bug. Sure her Bug was older and had the unfortunate capacity for breaking down on a regular basis. She doesn’t really drive it much in Boston but she’s had the car since high school, rebuilt it with her father, and even though she’s now 24, she doesn’t want to get rid of it. Neal’s Jeep happened to be the kind with the canvas roof and plastic windows, so it was just the frame in the summertime. And it didn’t keep the cold out at all. At least her Bug has working heat (most of the time). So, to see her mother sitting outside in the cold when she could be inside the warm house makes Emma even more upset.

Her mother gives a little laugh and throws her hands out at her. “I have two heaters out here. I’m fine,” she says, adjusting the scarf around her neck as she leaves the apparently warm porch to greet her. She embraces Emma in a warm hug. Emma can feel the heat on her clothes from the porch heaters.

“And you must be Neal!” she says, going in to give him a hug as well. She looks about ready to burst, her face stretched into the biggest smile Emma has ever seen in her life. But Neal sticks out his left hand instead (he’s left-handed, but it still seems to be a quirk he has as Emma has never seen another left-handed person shake that way). Her mother’s face falters and her body stops as if she’s slammed into an invisible wall, but she recovers quickly and puts her hand in Neal’s for a shake. “Mary Margaret Nolan,” she says, introducing herself..

“Neal Cassidy,” he responds with a small smile. Certainly not as wide as smiles she’s seen him give her when she’s wearing her honey trap outfits.

“Well, grab your stuff and come inside.” Mary Margaret gestures for them to follow her. The snow falls into her brunette pixie cut, still without any hint of gray. “Your father is out doing the evening chores and should be back in soon.” Emma nods and grabs her purse from the car before moving the seat to grab her luggage in the back.

“Hey, babe,” Neal says loudly, giving her an exaggerated wink, “I gotta take a piss. Can you grab my things for me?” Emma is about to suggest he just grab his stuff after he’s done, but instead he just yells “Thanks!” and crunches up the walk to the farmhouse.

He must have really had to go, Emma thinks as she takes a look in the back of the Jeep to see at least four pieces of luggage, not including her two, sitting there.

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24 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

A Chance to Fly Ch.2

Second chapter of my CSSNS fic is here!

I want to thank all the ladies in the @cssns Discord (since I was too excited to post the first chapter and forgot), for helping me with the descriptions of the dragon and helping me come up with the title.

Thank you @spartanguard for being my beta and for the banner.

Chapter 1

Read it on Ao3

Rated T

Considering she was the princess of Misthaven, Emma had actually not seen much of the land her mother ruled over. She had assumed that because her mother often talked about marrying her off, that it was that she didn’t want her to become attached since she would go live with her husband in his kingdom. But flying above it now, she could see just how much she had missed out on. She knew her kingdom was on the water, but she’d never seen the vastness of the sea, her room being on the land side of the castle. It extended so far, Emma wondered if there was an end. The village that she’d snuck out to just that morning seemed so tiny from up in the air. And she could see more tiny villages spread out below her. She hadn’t even known those existed until this very moment. She could also see how in need of repairs the towns further from the castle were. Emma knew the wealthiest citizens, the ones who donated to the queen’s causes and helped keep their army up and running lived in the town. The ‘War Council’, as her mother called them, even though they’d never been at war in Emma’s lifetime, were her most trusted advisors. They all had grand houses near the palace, although Emma had only seen them from the carriage on trips into town. She’d never met any of them either. If it weren’t for the times when she was younger that her mother had brought her to that exact field that she’d just left, Emma would have thought her mother did not want her known at all.

“Quite a view,” she heard Captain Nemo say from behind her. She had almost forgotten he was there. While she was clinging for dear life around the base of the dragon’s neck where the spines stopped, her companion sat behind her as if this was a normal means of transportation for him. Emma realized it probably was.

“It’s a bit…disorienting,” she said, still gripping tightly. The scales did not feel hard or scaly like she had expected them to. Instead, they felt as soft as the leather satchels her mother favored. She wondered how that protected him, being soft instead of hard.

“I’m sure you’ve never seen your whole kingdom before.” There was a hint of accusation in his words, not toward her though.

“Not from this angle,” she replied, trying to be as diplomatic about it as possible. Emma knew there were those that did not agree with her mother’s politics, and it seemed that Captain Nemo may be one of them. The answer seemed to satisfy the captain.

The force of the wind and the beating of the dragon’s wings were whipping Emma’s hair all around her. Even if it had been in a simple twist, it would have been better than the knots she was going to have once they landed. She hoped Captain Nemo wasn’t having to fight it too much. As if he were reading her mind, he asked, “Would you like me to tie your hair back for you, princess?”

“That would be lovely.” He plucked a red ribbon from his coat pocket (Emma would have to find out later why he had a random ribbon on him), and began to gently braid her hair. It was an odd sensation, having her hair braided while flying on the back of a grand dragon. It also made her wonder how a man such as he came to know how to braid a woman’s hair.

“I have a daughter,” he said, once again making Emma wonder if he had some mind reading talent. “Or rather, I adopted her when her kingdom was lost to the Ogres. I’m somewhat known for taking in lost children.” It was obvious from the tone he used that he considered Emma one of those ‘lost’ children. But Emma would not play the game he was trying to play with her.

“That sounds wonderful, Captain Nemo. I hope to be introduced to them some day.” If she was anywhere but riding a dragon, she would have given him her patented royal smile, but since she couldn’t exactly turn around to face him, she hoped that she sounded sincere.

“Well,” he began, “you’ve technically already met one.” She felt him pat the dragon near her leg. “I raised Hook here since he was a babe. Poor thing was abandoned when I found him.” Emma felt a pang of sadness overcome her. She didn’t know anything about dragons, had no idea how they were raised or how they bonded with their parents, but the idea of being abandoned tugged at her heartstrings.

“We’re almost there,” Captain Nemo announced. Emma looked down to see a large forest spread out beneath her.

“Where are we?” she asked. She’d never been so far from the castle.

“Sherwood Forest, near Nottingham,” he replied as if it were common knowledge. Emma wasn’t sure if her mother’s reach went this far. She wasn’t sure what her mother would do now that she’d been taken. She wasn’t even sure where or why she was being taken here. Did the dragon live in the forest? She thought they preferred caves.

A small clearing became visible and she felt them starting to descend down towards it. Emma braced herself for a hard landing. She was pleasantly surprised when he landed gently, almost like landing on a cloud. Captain Nemo didn’t seem to agree.

“I swear, his landings get worse and worse,” he grumbled, holding his lower back as he slid down Hook’s leg and down onto the ground. Captain Nemo grabbed Emma’s hand and helped down the same way. That was not as easy as the captain had made it seem. The bottom of her dress caught on the dragon’s dew claw and a nasty tear appeared right above the hem. Captain Nemo had the gumption to at least look slightly embarrassed about that.

“Don’t worry. A dress is not the proper attire for dragon riding. We’ll get you fixed up with the proper clothing soon enough.” Emma couldn’t figure out how that was going to happen, what with them being in the middle of a forest. It wasn’t like a seamstress was just going to pop around from a tree.

But a young woman did.

“Papa!” The young girl shouted, running into Captain Nemo’s arms. She was a pretty, young brunette, not much older than Emma was. She wore a plain, simple blue frock with white stockings and black slippers. It did not seem like the attire of someone who would be hanging around the forest.

“Belle! Oh, my sweet girl!” Captain Nemo kissed the girl, Belle, on the forehead and enveloped her into a hug. Emma stood awkwardly next to Hook, who also seemed to shift uncomfortably (could dragons be uncomfortable?). Instinct had Emma stroking Hook’s wing and his whole body seemed to relax at her touch. She knew dragon riders had a special bond to their dragon, but being able to relax him seemed on a whole other level.

“Emma!” Captain Nemo said, pulling away from the young girl. “Meet my daughter, Belle, the one I was telling you about!” he said brightly. Emma could see the love and affection radiating between the two. It was something she had never seen from her mother in all her eighteen years. She put on a smile that she knew didn’t reach her eyes to say hello.

“It’s nice to meet you, Belle,” Emma said, giving a small bow forward. Belle curtsied in return.

“Belle, this is Emma, Hook’s dragon rider,” Captain Nemo said, completing the introductions. Belle looked slightly startled at her father’s announcement, but recovered herself to give a smile back. Emma wondered why she seemed startled. Hadn’t Captain Nemo and Hook been searching for a dragon rider? A movement from the trees knocked Emma from her musings. She was surprised to see more people emerging from the same direction that Belle had come from heading into the clearing. Emma backed up into Hook. She may have just met the dragon, but she felt safe with him.

“Nemo!” A scruffy looking man with graying blonde hair, a quiver full of arrows on his back, and a bow in his hand, called out towards them. “Who is this you have brought back with you?” Emma noted that he had an accent similar to the man she had met earlier that morning. Had it really only been that morning she had snuck out to try a caramel apple, hoping for just a little excitement in her life, and now she had literally ridden a dragon farther than she’d ever been in her whole existence?

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27 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

A Chance to Fly

Thank you to the @cssns for once again making this wonderful event. This fic was supposed to be a one shot, but it kind of decided it wanted to be a multi chapter instead. I have not finished it, so there is no kind of schedule. But I am currently working on chapter 2, so I will get it finished as soon as possible. I know exactly what is happening and where it is heading.

Thank you @spartanguard for the wonderful artwork and also for being my beta!

Read it on Ao3

Rated: T

The day had not happened how Emma had envisioned it would when she woke up that morning.

It had started out nice—the sun streaming through her windows, waking her up as usual. It was the first day of the week, so her mother was already out attending the gardens, something that would take her away from being inside all day. Which was perfect for what Emma had planned.

She silently crept out of her bed and changed into a plain, light blue, linen gown, something she knew wouldn’t look out of place where she was headed. She pulled her long blonde hair out of her face and into a bun, tying it as tightly as she could with a matching blue ribbon. She pulled up her stockings and put on the slippers she normally wore when helping her mother with the gardens. Normally, her mother would insist on the servants helping her with a tiny bit of makeup; instead, she pulled out a simple brown cloak that would cover her face and hair and put it on.

Emma went to her hope chest that resided at the foot of her bed. She didn’t know where it came from, but it was exquisitely made. Her name was carved into it and it was surrounded by swans and dragons. It was obvious someone had put a lot of time and effort into making it for her. When she asked her mother, she said it had been a gift when she was born 18 years ago, but couldn’t tell her from whom. Emma knew she was lying. She could tell when people were lying. Her mother lied about many things; Emma could just never figure out why.

Inside the hope chest, she moved blankets and heavy traveling cloaks aside until her hand reached the pouch she had hidden at the bottom. A small, velvet satchel of coins that she had stolen from her mother earlier in the week. She put the coin purse in her skirt pocket, then walked toward the enormous fireplace that filled her room. Spring had settled early and it was too nice for a fire right now, but Emma wasn’t going to make a fire. She moved the grate out of the way and pulled up the false bottom, revealing a small ladder. She was glad her servants had never looked too closely when they’d lit the fires for her; this was definitely a secret she didn’t want her mother to know about.

Emma climbed down the ladder and took the secret passageway that led out of her home. She’d often wondered why this passageway existed. Did a past ancestor have a secret lover that they went to visit or bring into their room? Maybe it was just a servant’s entrance, but that didn’t explain why it went into her bedroom. Most likely the mystery would never be answered. Emma used it to go into the village undetected on days when she wanted to be anywhere but home. Days like today, when the market was happening.

Emma crept through the crowded market in the center of town, trying not to be seen. Her cloak hid her face just enough to give her some semblance of anonymity, but it would not do for her to be caught. Her mother would punish her if she knew she were out. Not that many people would recognize her by her face; her blonde hair, on the other hand…

The outdoor market was known throughout the Enchanted Forest. Royalty and peasants came far and wide to buy the wares, spices, and food only found here. It was practically a maze for someone who’d never been there before. Emma imagined it was much like the bazaar’s she’d been taught about in Agrabah. She pulled the cloak further down over her face and made sure her hair was still held back as she approached the merchant selling caramel apples. She knew it was an indulgence, something she really shouldn’t spend the tiny bit of coins she’d stolen, but she’d seen them when they had ridden through the market last week, and it was all she’d thought about since.

Her mouth practically watered as she handed over the coins for the sweet treat. While the cook made many types of apple dishes, caramel apples were fairly new to the market, and Emma couldn’t wait to bite into the one that was on the stick she now held in her hand.

She turned from the merchant, ready to take a bite before finding the shade of a tree to eat under when she ran smack into something solid.

Nope, not something.

Someone.

Emma looked into the bluest eyes she had ever seen; like the sun glinting off a sapphire. The man attached to the luminescent blue eyes looked at her like he’d like seen a ghost. His eyes widened and he shook his head as if to clear his vision. Emma wondered what staring into those eyes all the time would feel like. The rest of him wasn’t bad either. The bottom half of his face was covered by a scruffy beard, dark like his hair with flecks of ginger in it. She could barely make out pointy-tipped ears under his hair. And speaking of hair, his tunic was unbuttoned more than what was considered proper, topped with a gorgeous red waistcoat with black embroidery on it. And that’s when Emma realized the caramel apple she’d been coveting for the last week was nestled into the tuft of chest hair peeking out from the undone buttons.

“No!” she cried, tears pricking her eyes as she realized her caramel apple was no longer edible. All the planning and plotting to get the delectable treat was completely ruined. The stranger’s facial expression turned to one of surprise at her reaction, then gazed down to where she was looking to see the apple now stuck in his chest hair. His face then turned to one of disdain.

“Well that will be a bitch to get out,” he surmised. Emma noticed an accent that wasn’t usually from this part of the Enchanted Forest and absentmindedly wondered where he was from, before focusing on the apple again. The stranger gave Emma a slight smirk before grabbing the apple with a handkerchief he grabbed from an unseen trouser pocket (tight leather trousers she noticed), and unceremoniously pulled the apple from his chest, taking several hairs with it.

“Fu…ow!” Emma almost laughed at him changing his mind about cursing mid-exclamation due to him not wanting to upset her delicate sensibilities. She’d been told on many occasions (usually by her mother) that she had a mouth worthy of any sailor (not in public, mind you, as that would not be appropriate for someone of her station).

Emma smiled at the handsome stranger, almost giggled even, that was until he plopped the now inedible caramel apple into her gloved hands.

“Well, I can’t eat it now,” she pouted as she placed the sticky and (now) hairy apple on the back of a waste cart. She sighed; the whole day was a wash. She might as well head back before her mother discovered she was gone.

“You ran into me, love,” he said to her with a smirk and a bad attempt at a wink. The mouth which had seemed so soft and kissable looking just moments before now repulsed her with his attitude.

“Not your love,” Emma said matter-of-factly. She positioned her hood lower over her eyes so she didn’t have to see his (not) perfect face anymore. “And I didn’t see you there. You just snuck up behind me,” she insisted.

“One would think an apology was in order,” he said drolly.

“Yes, an apology would be nice,” Emma retorted. The stranger lifted one eyebrow up (which Emma did not find sexy at all, no siree, annoying is what she found it) and huffed.

“So we’re just two ships passing very closely?” he asked with a low tone to his voice, his face suddenly very close to hers. Emma was glad her cloak covered her entire body or he may have noticed the goosebumps that formed when he’d spoken.

“Not even in the same body of water.” The nerve of him! Trying to flirt with her after he’d ruined her morning. She stomped off angrily toward home as the stranger yelled something about finding her again. Not in a million years! Her whole day had been turned upside down and it wasn’t even lunch time yet.

She snuck back in through the secret passage, a sigh of relief leaving her when no one was waiting for her in her room. If her mother had had an inkling she’d left, there would definitely be someone here for her. It was still early enough that Emma had time to change before her mother expected for lunch. She removed her linen dress and cloak and shoved them into the bottom of her hope chest. She rang the bell for one of her servants to come help her change into what her mother would consider ‘proper’ attire.

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44 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Why Neal Cassidy is a bad person

My dissertation on the horrible person Neal Cassidy is and why he was never meant to be a romantic interest for Emma Swan.

There was a recent TV Line list that talked about Love Triangles that didn’t really work. The Neal/Emma/Hook triangle was one of those on that list. It was obvious from the short blurb that was written that the writer was a Neal fan. I’ve also heard and seen SwanFire (Emma and Neal shippers) fans plead passionately about how they were meant to be, and honestly, I’ve always scratched my head about this, because I’ve always seen Neal as a horrible person. Even before it was obvious to me that they were going the Captain Swan (Hook and Emma) route, I’ve never understood how anyone could be on Team Neal. So I’ve decided to look at it logically.

Look, I understand that Neal is the father of Henry, Emma’s son. I understand that a lot of people feel they should be together because then they would be a family. But just because you have a child with someone does not mean that person is the one for you. So let’s look at the facts surrounding Henry’s birth. Henry was 10 when he found Emma on her 28th birthday, which means she was 17 when she had him (despite Emma saying she was 18 in The Price of Gold). She went to juvie, not jail, which we know from Desperate Souls, because she tells Regina that the records needed for the article printed about her in the paper about having Henry in jail were obtained illegally, because her records were sealed, something that could only happen if she were underage. We know that Emma ran away from Ingrid’s foster home at 16 and made her way to Portland where she stole the bug with Neal inside. At this point, Emma is either still 16 or just about to turn 17, depending on how long it took her to get to Oregon from Minnesota. Either way, she is still underage, and Neal, if we want to go off the age he is now since leaving Neverland, is around 22-23 (his wanted poster in Tallahassee has his birthday as 3/23/77), which is still skeezy in my book. I’m not even going to get into his years in Neverland, because he was the same age for that whole time. Now, Henry’s birthday is 8/15. Regina put this in as a code in the hospital in A Tale of Two Sisters, and in The Dark Swan Henry tells Killian that Regina uses his birthday for all her codes. Whether the writers intended this to be true when they used the code originally I have no idea, but this has been what most of the fandom considers Henry’s birthday. With that date in mind, Emma would have conceived Henry in November of 2000. Since we know Emma’s birthday is October 22nd or 23rd, that means she was only a few weeks past her birthday in conceiving Henry. Barely past the age of 16. In Oregon, the age of consent is (and was in 2000) 18, so Neal was breaking the law by having sex with Emma regardless of her consent.

Moving on to what I consider the biggest reason that Emma could never love Neal (again), is HE FUCKING PINNED HIS CRIME ON HER AND LET HER GO TO JAIL!!!!! I cannot express enough how if Neal truly loved Emma he would have figured out some other way to let her go to get to her destiny once August informed him of who Emma was. He simply could have left. He could have broken up with her. He could have faked his own death. But setting her up to go to prison? That’s just cold-blooded. That’s not something you do to someone you love. And for what? Because he was afraid that Emma would eventually lead him to his father? It’s real simple, Neal, once the curse is broken, you just don’t go to Storybrooke. Simple as that. Or you man up and confront your father. Either way, you don’t set up the girl you purport to love at the risk of seeing your father again! And then, when the curse does break and August sends him a pigeon letting him know, Neal still doesn’t do anything about going to find Emma. This just shows that he didn’t care for her at all. I don’t care how scared of your father you are; if you claim to love someone the way Neal claims to love Emma, you go after them.

Which leads me to the episode Manhattan, in which Neal and Emma reunite and Neal is a complete asshole to Emma. He treats her like she’s still 16, which is just gross. He acts like he knows better than her and tries to convince her he did everything for her own good, while also telling her if he’d known she was from the Enchanted Forest, he never would have gone near her. Then, when he finds out about Henry, he acts as though Emma purposefully kept this from him. She didn’t find out until after he sent her to jail. Get off your moral high horse, Neal. Emma doesn’t owe you a fucking thing. Not to mention that Emma went looking for him after she got out of jail (Regina told us she spent two years in Tallahassee in The Price of Gold). If she could have found him I’m sure she would have told him about having his baby in jail, but Neal wanted nothing to do with Emma, so she couldn’t. The fact that Neal gets upset and hurt over the fact that Emma didn’t tell him about Henry at the bar when he told her he couldn’t and wouldn’t have risked being with her if it meant seeing his father again completely blows my mind. He has absolutely no right to be angry at Emma about Henry. None. Not after what he did to her.

Moving on to Storybrooke, when Tamara comes to town, Emma is suspicious of her (and with good reason), but Neal just thinks she’s jealous. WHAT? Even after repeatedly telling Neal she’s not jealous, he continues to believe it (because he’s apparently a real catch). When Emma reminds him about her superpower is knowing when people lie, Neal says he never believed in that. So not only does he accuse her of being jealous, then he tells her the superpower that we know is real (albeit a little wonky) doesn’t exist and that he never believed in it. Way to be supportive. I can see why he’s such a catch. Now, I do have to give him credit for actually apologizing to Emma for framing her, but I still see it as too little too late. He messed up Emma’s whole view on love and men in general because he was a scared little boy. Emma, of course, turns out to be right about Tamara, which Neal doesn’t figure out about until she clobbers Emma and shoots Neal into a portal. Right before he falls he tells Emma he loves her. Okay, let's back up five minutes ago before we found out Tamara was a traitorous bitch to when Neal was in love with her. FIVE MINUTES AGO! And now he’s telling Emma he loves her like he was never involved with Tamara? Not to mention, he doesn’t even know Emma. He knew her 11 years ago. Emma is not the same, naive little girl she was back then. And yes, Emma tells Neal she loves him too, but again, neither of them are the same people they were back then. So yes, they may both have intense feelings, but if they got to know who they were now, I doubt they’d be in love. And I also believe Emma only said she loved him because he was about to die.

When Neal is in the Enchanted Forest trying to get to Emma and Henry in Neverland, he thinks of no one but himself when it comes to getting there. He uses poor Roland as bait not even caring about the consequences. He also makes himself seem much more involved in Emma and Henry’s life when talking to Mulan. He doesn’t even explain any of the backstory to her, just tells Mulan he messed up and he’s trying to fix it. He can’t even admit out loud the most crucial parts of his and Emma’s story because he knows he is wrong.

Which brings us to Neverland. Neal acts like a possessive jerk the entire time. Emma straight up tells him she wished he was dead, and he apparently takes that as an invitation to ‘never stop fighting for her’. Let’s get one thing straight, for all men, when a woman tells you she wishes you were dead because of all the pain you previously put her through, that does not mean she wants you to fight for her. It means she doesn’t want you in her life. And also, what? When did Neal ever fight for Emma? He’s always run away from Emma! He’d never have even thought to fight for her if she hadn’t come across him in New York and discovered Henry was his son. He was engaged to Tamara only 3-4 days prior once Emma and the crew rescued him from the Echo Caves. So all this ‘never stop fighting for you’ crap that he’s spewing is just pure bullshit, because the one thing Neal is good at is running, not fighting.

Once he finds out that Emma and Hook kissed, well, then Emma doesn’t even seem to be a person anymore, just an object that Neal wants to possess. When Hook tells Neal about his and Emma’s kiss, he just tells Hook, Emma has him now. No, ‘well she might choose me’ or ‘it’s her decision’; Neal’s already decided that Emma is his. And yes, both he and Hook act like children in Dark Hollow when they fight over the lighter, but no one said men are rational when it comes to women. Also, it seems that Neal wants to one up Hook more than he wants Emma once he figures out Hook is his rival.

Once they get back to Storybrooke, it is clear that Emma is uncomfortable when Neal asks her to lunch. The fact that Neal has to beg her to give him a chance, then tells Emma that if she doesn’t show up he’ll leave her alone speaks volumes. It’s obvious to Neal that Emma doesn’t want to give him a chance, yet he insists on it.

Then everyone is cursed back to the Enchanted Forest. And Neal, for all the running away that he’s done, decides that the only way he can get back to Emma and Henry is to resurrect his father, The Dark One. I get that he’s not thinking rationally, but the only way Rumplestiltskin was able to get to the Land Without Magic was getting Regina to enact the Dark Curse. What exactly did he think resurrecting Rumplestiltskin was going to get him? Then when he and Belle find out that the whole resurrection spell was not only a ploy by the Wicked Witch, but would also kill Neal in the process, he decides to go through with it anyway? What is the point of resurrecting his father to get back to Emma and Henry, if he would be dead? All he did was deliver his father into Zelena’s hands and kill himself in the process. As much as the writer’s tried to make it look like Zelena manipulated Neal into doing the spell, Belle tried to warn Neal off and he did it anyway.

I get that he believed he and Emma to be True Love at that point because he was somehow able to bring over the swan keychain necklace. But honestly, I think the curse may have worked a little differently for him (and Hook) since they weren’t part of the original curse. Or maybe it was just sent to be a reminder of all the bad things he did to Emma so he wouldn’t try to go after her. Whatever it was, it did not confirm they were True Love in any way.

And finally we come to his death. I honestly do not understand the hero arc. Neal condemned himself to death to resurrect his father. Rumplestiltskin absorbed Neal so that he wouldn’t lose him (despite the fact that they were barely speaking before Rumplestiltskin’s death), and then Neal asked Emma to free him from his father so he could tell her Zelena was behind everything. How exactly does that make him a hero? He made a stupid choice to resurrect his father, that put him right into Zelena’s hands, and none of that helped him get back to Emma or Henry. The only heroic thing he did was sending the bird to Hook to have him get Emma back her memories, and no one knows that was him.

So let’s review:

Neal took advantage of an underage girl.

Neal sent the girl he loved to juvie by framing her for his crime.

Emma had to have her baby in juvie and give him up for adoption because of Neal.

After Emma broke the curse, Neal still wanted nothing to do with her.

Neal still wanted nothing to do with Emma when he found out she was in NYC to bring him to his father.

Neal gets mad at Emma for never mentioning Henry, despite the fact that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Neal starts treating Emma like she’s still a lovesick teenager when his fiance (whom he also never mentioned) comes into the picture.

Neal immediately tells Emma he loves her five minutes after his fiance tries to kill Emma and shoots him.

Neal uses a 4-year-old to summon the Shadow so he can get to Neverland to be with Emma and Henry.

Neal acts like Emma is a possession and not able to make up her own mind when he realizes he has a rival for affection.

Neal decides resurrecting his father, after making a true sacrifice, is the only way to see Emma and Henry again, despite his father never being able to get to the Land Without Magic before.

Neal basically commits suicide and plays right into Zelena’s plan in order to resurrect his father.

Neal dies because he wouldn’t listen to Belle and resurrects Rumplestiltskin.

I know people have a lot of opinions regarding Neal. Again, I never saw him as a potential love interest for Emma. I got creeper vibes from him from the start. I never saw him as a hero or a potential hero. Was I happy that he died, no. I saw that as a cop out from the writers so they could immediately put Emma and Hook together and not let Emma make up her own mind (which I was confident would be Hook even if Neal was still alive). I would have rather seen Emma and Neal become friends and co-parent Henry together than have a completely useless and avoidable death. Instead, the writers felt the need to glorify his stupidity and then name Snow and Charming’s baby after him (don’t even get me started on how wrong and idiotic that was). But I will always see Neal as a bad guy because he could never think of anyone but himself.

Please do not post anti-Captain Swan comments on this. If you want to defend Neal, please feel free. I’m really curious as to what Neal fans see in him. But I did not mention Hook because this is not about the love triangle, it is about why Neal specifically was not good for Emma.

264 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

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janiedean · 4 years

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I know your anti-HP but the Kylo discourse reminds me of that time a group of people tried to argue to me that if I thought Snape didnt deserve redemption then Dudley (a child that was raised in an abusive/neglectful household, was raised to believe/act in certain things/ways, grew up to realise his parents were wrong and started to attempt to make changes to his behaviour and be nicer) didnt deserve it either. Characters that show regret and remorse deserve a chance at redemption. Others dont.

... anon, idk if I understood the last two things right (i mean if it’s what you think or what the ppl discoursing with you think), but as far as I’m concerned, distancing myself from any hp related implication here because idk idc and if I never hear snape discourse in my life again it can’t be too late so idc about this specific discourse, tldr:

irl people who fucked up and want to do better should be given a chance to. not necessarily by the people they hurt and if they committed a crime they should pay appropriately before, but if they want to? they should have the chance. not being written off as lost causes;

people who aren’t Good Victims ™️ shouldn’t be refused help or compassion just because they don’t react the way they were supposed to;

this thing about whether redemption is deserved or not is a wording that is... weird because like, you get that if you want to do better but like it’s not a question of deserving or not, you don’t do better out of wanting to get the good place points, you just do it and if you do then welcome to the club;

narratively, obviously it depends on author decision - if the author wants X redeemed then they will be and it most likely will have a narrative where X feels remorse for his actions or has a chance to make up for his wrongdoings, if the author wants Y to just be a negative character who doesn’t redeem themselves then Y won’t have that narrative;

now, I think people should be objective about things, in the sense: you can like a character that the narrative had decided is not redeemable or is written as such (let’s go for someone that won’t cause me drama, idk, RAMSAY BOLTON): you can write your fanfic about how that person gets redeemed if you want to, but if you tell people they’re idiots for not wanting ramsay to be redeemed you’re not going to look that great because 99,9% of the audience won’t want ramsay to be redeemed as he’s not written as such. on the other side, if you hate a character (kylo ren FOR ONE) who is blatantly written to be redeemed because he was and it was obvious since tlj at least, you can write your fic or do your hc where he never redeems himself but saying that he’s the worst objectively or that kylo fans suck because they like a horrid character that you don’t want redeemed is useless and just digging yourself into a grave because canon is going there and you can’t do shit about it. like, if you don’t enjoy where canon is going you’re better off making peace with it and writing your au instead of being an ass to people who disagree with you;

now this also goes with the ‘please for the love of god look at the narrative’ angle because honestly denying what the narrative is blatantly telling is not paying anyone any favors and again, you can 100% choose to ignore it but twisting it won’t work (example: I don’t gaf about jon/erys and I wasn’t too big on its canonization but the moment it happened I didn’t spend months twisting the narrative so that it would say what I wanted it to say ie that jon/erys was doomed - it was canon, I just didn’t write it in fanfic nor thought about it beyond what I had to see and ignored its existence when I could and I didn’t go to ppl shipping jon/erys informing them of why I thought S7 was written like trash - why would I?). you can do whatever you want with the characters but like try to keep a healthy divide between what the narrative says and what you want for them and be an adult about it.

now: i haven’t read hp and idc for reading it nor watching the movies but if both s/nape and the kid in question were written to be redeemed because she wanted them to then they were because it was her story and she wanted them to be and idg why people are still arguing about that twenty years later but that’s another problem entirely. if person X doesn’t think kylo ren deserved redemption too bad the narrative had decided he was getting that since the beginning and it’s not about whether he deserves it or not, it’s about what the story is saying. as far as I’m concerned as long as you want to be a good person/better person/do good things in life you should be given a chance to prove it. in literature it’s up to the author. but like one thing is what you want for the character and what the author wants and how the author writes it bc if they’re good it will leave readers satisfied or at least not feeling like they were taken for idiots, if they’re not it’s going to be bad writing. that’s literally it. and I wish this redemption discourse didn’t feel like we think you buy it at the supermarket and/or there are standards for it and if you don’t meet them then whatever.

also: you can hate a thing and recognize it’s well written. like guys ian tregillis’s milkweed tryptich had a last book that took each single choice I didn’t want it to take and I hated what happened to all of the characters......... but that trilogy was actually so well-plotted, tight-knit and well thought and thematically sound that even if I hated everything it chose to be I still can recognize that it was good writing because it made sense, the plot held up and my personal dislike for it and for the protagonist as a person didn’t make it a bad book. or you can like a thing and recognize it’s terribly written or trash or a guilty pleasure. it happens. it’s fine. and when it comes to kylo discourse... it was an obvious redemption narrative with a character that was written to be sympathetic which resonated with some people and not with others which was eventually written badly because it didn’t pay off and 85% of this movie was an insult to the viewer. that’s literally it. and it’s 2019. like... it’s time to let it die especially when he redeemed himself. XD

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padfootdaredmetoo · 2 years

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Hi! I'm new to ur blog, but I wanted to say ur an excellent writer, I really enjoy the way u write peaky's characters 😍 I just got an idea and wanted to request an imagine. U know how throughout the show we see that basically all women fall for Tom Shelby without him even trying? 😂 And I can't help but wonder what it would be like if the situation was reversed? I don't want to limit ur imagination, so I'm not gonna dive deep into his love interest's character. But a few things that I want to add are that maybe in the beginning he was chasing her out of feeling that she was like a challenge? And she knows what he and his fam do for a living plus what he's like with women and she's just not about flings and one night stands, but she lightly plays with him cause she's a lil minx. And he tries so hard to the point when they slowly getting to know each other and he realizes that he starts to develop real feelings for her beyond lust? And she's also like shit I better stay away from him cause I might fall for him. Hard. So they both try to stay away from each other at this point, thankfully she works in London so it's easier for both of them. And after that I really don't know how they gonna end up together 😅 OH! Maybe Polly sets them up?? I just adore this woman so bad 🥺 she was wary about their relationship at first and watched them like a hawk from distance (how they interact with each other, how that woman is with Charles, if she would be able to share dangerous life that they all live and etc) And our aunt Polly approves them 😂 and basically like THESE FREAKING KIDS! I'MMA TAKE EVERYTHING IN MY HANDS and save Shelby boys (one in particular) as usual. Thank u for reading through this and I would feel really blessed if you will find that idea interesting enough for you to write ❤

This was such a cute idea. I hope I did it justice!!!

Thank you!!! That's so sweet of you! I'm happy that you enjoy my blog and like the way I write! Really, that's a huge compliment, especially as I have been feeling self-conscious about it.

XOXO

Warnings: Sad times, drinking, trust issues, one big drama, but happy and cute fluff.

Love was a dangerous game at the best of times. It was even more so in the world of gangsters, and that’s exactly what Thomas Shelby was.

You had a thriving business which left no shortage of suitors chasing after you. You’d known the price of such games early on in life and your lack of interest only made you a person of greater interest.

You first met Thomas at a gala in London. He spent the whole night chasing you around the room with that cold icy gaze. Men would normally give up, but he treated you as if you were the main attraction at the event. Eventually he offered to buy you a drink, which you were too curious to turn down. Why was a Romani gangster at such an event?

He looked so unimpressed with everything, but not you. He enjoyed the way you flirted with him, and kept him on his toes. Most men didn't like that about you, you didn't hold back your opinions.

A night of flirting never hurt anyone, right?

You regretted that moment more than ever right now. You sat, still in your bed clothes looking out at the cold gray sky. You took another sip of wine, and closed your eyes.

He didn't chase you, but you didn't think he went into doing business with you because he thought it was a profitable idea either. Business was always conducted in nicest restaurants in London, you always left him breathless at the door to your apartment.

Waiting for the day he would give up. You weren't interested in being a play thing, you knew how Thomas was with women. He was so charming in his own standoffish way, but you knew that he only liked you because you didn't bend and fall all over him. You demanded respect wherever you went, a small empire at your feet. He liked the challenge, he didn't like you. And you didn't like being used for a night and tossed aside.

You poured the last of the bottle into the glass and sighed. This was pathetic, and yet it was all you could bring yourself to do.

He didn't give up, and kept coming to London to help out. You had a little bit of trouble with a rival gang, things were getting out of hand so you requested for his men to help. Shortly after the death threats increased so he offered to stay the night till everything had blown over. Standing there in the hallway he looked too good to say no to. Maybe you and him had a friendship that demanded more than a cheap fling. He certainly did more than expected to help you out that night.

So you let him in. Spent the night talking, laughing, reminiscing. These were the types of conversations that made women fall in love, and you were playing right into his hands. Soon the threat was over and he was on the way. You promised to cook for him next time he was in London, saying you preferred his company when away from the public eye.

“I’d really like that.” he’d said, a smile ghosting on his lips.

“And I really like you.” You’d whispered, enjoying the way he took a step closer to you. The way his hands felt against the soft skin of your cheeks. The way he looked down into your eyes like you were something amazing. He’d kissed you softly, electricity blooming through your body. Soft and sweet, and yet it left you burning. Desperate after so many years without a kind touch.

“Sleep well, love” He’d said softly before heading down the hallway before you could say anything.

Even now your body was aching and vibrating from the memory.

You were in Birmingham for business and decided to take him for dinner, surprise him. He’d never let you win a round like that though, instead he’d taken you home to meet his family.

You and Ada got together in London fairly often and enjoyed each other's company, but you’d never met the others. They were beyond strange, but they were so warm. You felt yourself start to melt in their presence. It was loud and your ribs hurt from laughing, children would take turns sitting on your lap as the night went on.

You’d really believed he’d done that to see if you’d get along with them if he pursued you.

You sipped at your glass, wishing the heat on your skin would warm the coldness inside you. Tears started to slide down your cheeks. Why were you this stupid? You promised you would never put yourself out there into the hands of a man again. How many more times would you end up broken before you learned your lesson?

Yesterday had started out with nothing out of the ordinary, you met up with Ada for tea. She wanted advice on something and you were excited to hear about the gossip, hoping she’d found herself someone nice. In passing she mentioned some barmaid named Grace. Stating she’d caught Tommy’s eye, how things looked serious.

You tried to behave yourself despite the wave of jealousy crashing down on you.

You gritted your teeth, saying you suddenly felt ill. You went home, holding yourself together tightly before slamming the door to your bedroom and falling to pieces.

After a long night of crying over past loves and the current pain and realization that Tommy had more of your heart than you thought was possible. It was morning, and you were a bottle of wine deep watching the British rain fall onto the street. At least it happened now, you could come back from one kiss. Just had to keep your distance. The wine sloshed in your stomach as you embraced the courage it gave you to pick up the phone.

“Shelby” Her voice ran out and you felt slightly comforted that it was Polly.

“Polly! I’m just calling in about a change to the current arrangement.”

“Ah, it’s always a delight to hear from you, love. Even when it’s just business. So what can we do for you?” She responded warmly.

“Well, I was hoping that moving forward I could do business with you exclusively.” Your heart wrenched up but you knew this was the best way forward.

“What has he done, eh?”

“Nothing, just don’t want his girlfriend to get the wrong idea.” The words slipped out easily despite not being a part of the things you had scripted. You couldn't resist the urge to say it, hopefully she would relay it back to him, let him know you’d caught him. That he’d lost the little game you were playing.

“Alright, well I look forward to visiting you darling.” Her voice had a touch of sadness to it.

“Likewise. Talk soon” The line went dead and a weight lifted from you. Unfortunately the sadness stayed crashing in your stomach like stormy waves against a cliff.

You didn't see a reason to go into the office so you opened another bottle and decided to cook some breakfast.

____________________________

Polly leaned back in her office chair taking a long drag of her cigarette. Men and their bloody cocks. Completely useless and somehow always up to their eyebrows in trouble.

She wasn’t sure of you at first. You wore too much lipstick, and your perfume was expensive. Take away the dress, you'd be a pin up girl. Much too glamorous for a small heath family of gypsy's. But she couldn't have been more wrong, somehow you’d embraced the family. They were not an easy group to settle into and yet you did it like you’d been raised the same.

John’s kids hung off of you the whole night and you’d simply embraced them tightly listening to their fumbling tales. You could play cards, handle your whiskey, and Thomas looked at you like you were a stained glass portrait of a saint. A light source somehow shining through your skin radiating a sense of magic and hope. You lit him up in a way Polly had never seen before.

And he’d gone and chased her out? Over who?

John moved past the door to her office.

“Oi!” She snapped her fingers and he poked his head in.

“Wot?”

“Tommy seeing anyone?” She asked.

“Eh, he’s got something going on with that dame in London, I swear it. She’s a bloody catch. But there’s something going on with the barmaid I think.”

“The barmaid?” Polly wanted to put a bullet in his head.

“Don't think it's like that though.” He crossed his arms and thought for a moment. “Arthur thinks she’s up to something. I figured he was just getting to the bottom of it.” He shrugged.

“Idiot. Why didn’t he speak to me?” She got up and took her coat from the hanger.

There was only one way to put an end to this.

_______

Fuck sakes. He sat there at the same spot at the table he’d been sitting since he was knee high. His aunt yelling at him just the same as she always had.

How did you find out about Grace? Only person in the family you spoke to regularly besides him and Polly, was Ada. He quickly got up from the table and grabbed the phone.

“What did you say to her about Grace?” He asked quickly.

“Well I mentioned that she’d caught your eye. That's all, thought maybe it’d make her a bit jealous, she’d finally make a move.” Tommy swore and slammed the receiver down. Polly started up again.

“Look!” He waited till she was staring him down. “I’m not seeing Grace. I’m flirting with her to figure out who she’s working for. Ada told her something was going on thinking she’d get jealous and stop dragging her feet.”

“Fuck”

“Fuck is right! She’s not like that Poll. Bad stuff happened to her, she’s not - It’s complicated. I thought she was coming around too.” He slammed his hand on the table.

Ada thought you were coy, waiting for a good time to make a move, see what you could get out of him first. Tommy could see you more clearly than that, you were too jumpy and avoidant of men and any relationships. Business oriented is what you’d called it, but there was too much hunger and pain in you for that to be all it was.

“Well. Go!” Polly snapped her fingers.

“Go where?”

“Go to her. Fall to her feet, explain everything. Fucking fix it. I’m handling Grace as of now.”

“We both know she won’t have it.” He said sadly.

“I’ll call her just go.” There was an unusual softness in her eyes and made him give in. It was a stupid idea, but you were worth looking foolish over.

_______________________

You’d fallen asleep after eating an impossible amount of pancakes. You stretched and hated the way your head was pounding from all the wine. The phone rang and you moved across the floor slowly.

“Hello?” You answered by trying to untangle the cord.

“Love, It’s Polly. Now I have a favor to ask, woman to woman.” She sounded abnormally serious, your heart twisted a little bit.

“Of course, what’s happened?”

“Ada phoned and I figure the girlfriend you spoke of was Grace. See Tommy is keeping an eye on her for me, she’s a black cat. I just need to figure out who sent her, you must understand how things in business get at times.”

You paused before answering. Would she lie for him? They were family, but Polly wasn't the type of woman to be involved in such petty things.

“Ah, and misunderstanding then.” your throat closed, this was an unexpected twist that opened a door you weren't sure you wanted to go through.

“Completely darling. I sent him over to talk over resuming business.”

Your heart started to race. Fuck, you needed a bath, your hair was a mess, and your head was still pounding. You mentally slapped yourself, you didn't need to do anything except come up with a solid reason to leave him at the door. This whole thing was a reminder of what's involved when being in a relationship with someone.

“Oh, when should I expect him?” You slapped your hand against your forehead.

“Within the hour, love. If there’s any problems, give me a call.”

“I will thank you” you answered shakily.

“Have a good night.” There was a coy tone to her voice before the line went dead.

Fuck. an hour? You looked around your apartment and quickly started rushing around. You tossed the wine bottles into the oven along with the pan you used to make pancakes with. After wiping down the counter, you started running a bath. Not waiting for it to fill up you climbed in, running a brush through your hair aggressively. You’d just finished washing when there was a knock at the door.

Your heart started to pound, your face incredibly hot. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You thought as you tripped over things, closing your robe.

What you should have done was told him to wait. Gone back into your bathroom, and done your hair and make up, no sense in opening the door in this state. But you couldn't stop your fumbling body from swinging the door open.

And you did. He stood there looking down at you and your unmade appearance.

Now what? Are you going to throw yourself at him? It’s all you're dressed for. You thought silently cursing your choices.

“Sorry, I thought I had more time.” You whispered, watching the way his eyes devoured you.

“Should show up early more often then.” He said with a genuine smile. He made all the muscles in your body taught, it was hard to breathe.

“Would you like to come in?” You asked, wishing there was less space between the two of you. You stepped aside for him to come in. You shut the door slowly, trying to sort yourself out before turning around. But the look on his face silenced every voice of protest in your mind. He looked so open, and sad.

“Look, about what Ada said, It wasn't -” he shook his head and somehow you believed him. He shifted awkwardly "She's got something on us I just don’t kn-”

You flung yourself at him, and his arms wrapped around your waist tightly. You pressed your lips to his and enjoyed the way your body melted against his. He quickly took control of the kiss, pushing it further than last time. His hand held you in place, his tongue sliding into your mouth causing you to moan. He broke the kiss pressing his forehead against yours.

“I’m Sorry.” He said softly, your heart exploding at the fact he would value you enough to apologize despite things obviously being forgiven.

“Me too.” You whispered.

“You're mine then?” He asked in a low tone that made your legs shake. You nodded looking up at him through your eyelashes.

“I’m yours”

_____

Tags list: @tommydoesntpayforsuits @misselsbells06 @kpopgirlbtssvt

#tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby #Thomas Shelby #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

Note

Okay, I'm gonna do this the clean way by sending you an ASK! :) I was listening to the latest fansplaining ep about doing fandom without other people (is that still fandom or just pleasurable consumption?) and got me thinking if other very long-term fans feel like they don't want to do the online fandom thing anymore. I know you talk about your offline group of fandom friends, but putting that aside, do you feel it'll come (or has come) a time when you just don't want to do it with new fans/fandoms anymore? (that was the gist of the experiences discussed in fansplaining and something I have been feeling and discussing with a like-minded friend, though neither of us have been on fandoms for most of our lives).

I think just consuming canon without interacting is pleasurable consumption. Writing fic, even posting fic, without interacting much or reading other people's fic without trying to be active on tumblr/twitter/discords/etc. is more like doing fandom alone.

I haven't listened to fansplaining in a while. They've humored kink-haters too often and been too Boggled, Just Boggled by basic fandom shit their friends all know. I like them as people, but...

But back to your actual question: I'm just about the most extroverted person in the universe, so no.

I like new people, even now, even in the era of radical feminist kink hating pretending to be pro-gay activism. Even in the era of whiny children causing massive mental trauma to their peers in the quest to protect a cartoon character's chastity.

Lately, I've had trouble sitting down to watch or read anything. I blame general life stuff. (I'm still in the middle of epic decluttering, and my mind feels cluttered because my space is.) But I'm not someone who revisits comfort canons. If I rewatch, it's for vidding. If I reread, it's not until I've forgotten everything, and usually then, it would only be if I want to review a book, not just for the pleasure of reading it again.

I do revisit fandoms pretty regularly, usually to read new fic or because I want to write new fic or make other fanworks. But for me, fandom is a long procession of new interests. I'm never happy for long in a juggernaut ship or megafandom, so the idea of stagnating forever in my "safe" old corner is anathema. "My" corner is always something where there are 20 fics and I've already read them all. There's nothing to stay in.

And even in my last couple of years of gray blah, I fell hard for Kingdom. I have so many feelings. That one I am going to rewatch, but for Korean practice and to vid it. I've already got some new-to-me music I'm very excited about also that I want to pair with it.

It sounds like Fansplaining was talking about something that is essentially a Fannish Midlife Crisis. This has been a well-known pattern as long as I have been in fandom. If you stick around long enough, you'll generally go through one. Stick around really long, and you'll go through multiple!

If you're like late 20s-mid 30s and got into fandom in college, on average, you're probably hitting your first serious one right now. (I see this a lot.) If you're like 60, you've probably left fandom for a decade or two and come back. Some people do leave forever, of course, but if you're a current fan then, by definition, you didn't.

Honestly, it reminds me of people endlessly rediscovering the thing that happens with friendship once you're a few years out of college and you have to make regular adult life friends instead of having peers delivered to you on a silver platter. It's a genuine issue, but it's an issue that generations of other people have dealt with before, so it's amusing when people are shocked or think they're unique.

The basic fandom pattern that leads up to these crises is that people get into fandom the first time more or less the same way:

You find something you adore. You're on fire and other people are too at the same time in the same way. It's magic!

Now, not everyone has this experience, but people who don't often fail to find or get into fandom in the first place.

After a few glorious years or months, depending on your era and circumstances, you sour on the canon or you run out of fics to write or other people drift away. In type 1 of this crisis, you're still happy where you are, but the there isn't there anymore. Where has the love gone? etc. etc.

In type 2, you find a shiny new canon! The pangs of new love! Everything is new again! Only, this time, something is wrong: nobody else is into your thing with you. Fandom has not rallied round with the longfic and the meta and the gifsets. What is going on???

And, of course, the answer is that nothing is going on. 99% of the time, when a person falls in love with a piece of media, other people don't love it quite the same way at quite the same time in sufficient numbers. But since Baby's First Fandom is by definition one where this did happen, Baby's Second Fandom is hugely disappointing.

Since you now know fandom as a way of processing all your media feels, you want to do it with canon #2, and you just can't. Not if you want other people in a community as part of that.

Both 1 and 2 could happen with baby's 37th canon instead, or they could happen with a cultural gap of some kind--maybe a generation gap, but not always.

In addition to all that, you the person change. If your life gets really busy and stressful or you're depressed or you're trying not to look at bright screens before bed or whatever else, you no longer have the ability to make the party happen. I constantly see people going "Why is fandom not like X anymore?" where X is something they did because they were a college student and they were willing to blow off homework to run a bajillion fandom events or to hunt for fic. But now, they don't have time or energy for that yet somehow expect that it will just happen in their space somehow. I certainly don't fault people for having more going on in their lives, but if you can't bring the party yourself, you have to go where someone else is throwing one. Them's the breaks.

We all go through periods of being more and less into our hobbies. That's just life. But one of the big things I've seen in fandom is people unwilling to put themselves out there.

I have made plenty of new friends over the last few years, from people I've hung out with offline to new tumblr friends like you, and it's basically entirely because I'm so publicly visible. This also paints a target on my back, of course. I get why people don't like being out in public.

Antis suck, sure. But how many people do we all see saying antis suck? How many people are going "I feel old and want to hang out with people who aren't emotional children"? How many people are like "Everyone my age is awful! Where do I find friends?" There is no shortage of fans who don't like what they perceive to be the current state of fandom and who would like some new friends. At least some of them are going to be to one's taste if one went out and found them.

It's like romance: if you're too scared to try again, we all get it, but you can't then expect to be anything but single. How many romances start this way? Just so, so many. The character absolutely did get burned, and there absolutely are emotional consequences to putting yourself out there, but...

I have friends who sit at home talking about how they want to date, but they don't go out to meet people. They don't use apps. Things don't just happen. You have to make them.

Even liking new canons is like this: if you can't make time to sit down with a few different tv series, how can you expect to find the one that clicks? I've had few new fandoms lately because I haven't watched anything. The one time I actually did--Kingdom--I was hooked.

Between the pandemic and various other factors, a lot of people are in a life phase where they're like a turtle retracted into its shell right now. New friends, new canons, new fandoms are just not going to happen for a while. And that's okay!

But it's not inevitable or an unchanging future unless people want it to be.

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flamingo-writes · 3 years

Text

It's Better When The Sun Goes Down — Nanami x Reader

This is a piece for the Anilysium Server NSFW Collab! Make sure to check the masterlist to see other writer's works! This month's prompt was: "I can't hold back anymore"

I'd like to dedicate this fanfic to one of my dearest and closest friends. I'm not a Nanami simp myself, but they are. And I have fun writing for Nanami, and also I love writing angsty things and flawed characters. Reg, I hope you enjoy this as much as you enjoy my more casual writing.

(it's pink bcs youre Chancho)

Word Count: 5.4K

Warnings: Mentions of breakup and heartbreak, alcohol and drug consuption, public sex, ghosting, lots and lots of angst. This does not have a happy ending. This is also non proof read bcs I kinda left it to the last minute I'm sorry, I'll go back and edit it when I am not in a rush dcj nd

Summary: Nanami’s return to the Sorcerer life wasn’t so bad. It could be better if Gojo wasn’t determined to get him back with his ex. As Nanami tries to get on good terms with them, things get out of control, only to end up where it all began.

I made this playlist while writing, in case you wanna listen to it while reading. Preferably listen to it without the shuffle, but you can hear it on shuffle, no biggie.

Nanami had forgotten how painfully unbearable Gojo could be. His return as a Sorcerer had been nothing out of the ordinary for a Sorcerer's standards. Missions here and there, or watching over some of Gojo's students. But God, he had surely stepped out of the line this time.

He couldn't even begin to explain how much he hated his current situation. Fighting by your side for the first time in years felt like rubbing hot oil on an open wound. The uncomfortable ignoring the elephant in the room between you two, as you two tracked and fought what felt like a million Curses.

When the adrenaline was at its peak, it felt almost nostalgic; though he'd then remembered everything else and immediately made his own reality bitter and awkward. Overshadowed by the advantage of years of experience ahead of him made him resent you even more. He knew it was childish and pointless to keep remembering everything that happened between you two, but that bittersweet memory would most likely keep him at bay.

You were still strong, witty, fearless, reckless and quick to act and defend yourself. The way you moved looked more swiftly and coordinated than you did back in your student days. Almost as if you were a professional dancer. He hated every bit of it. He couldn’t stop looking at you, thinking about you, and the possibilities of what you two would have become.

After the mission was over, no words were exchanged between you two. Aside from the: "Are you alright?" He told you as you simply gave him a thumbs up as you caught your breath drenched in sweat. An entire ride in an uncomfortable silence, until he reached the school and you got out of the car.

"Thanks. You did a great job. Keep it up" You said. Cold, and straight to the point. Closing his car door before he could reply. And soon, you were gone.

As Nanami tried to get his mind off the mission, Gojo made it difficult. He called him to ask for the details of the mission. He seemed amused and intrigued, as clearly you hadn't told him shit. And honestly, he could understand why. Gojo was meddling on things that weren’t his business, and things that had died a long time ago.

"Why are you interrogating me, Gojo?" He asked as he pressed hisnfingers on the bridge of his nose. "Ask your underling…"

"Because that jerk left for the bar as soon as they arrived" He explained. "And I know better than to annoy a drunk [Name], It took me a while but...I finally learned my lesson" He chuckled. “I knew they could hit hard, but damn, I had a big ass bruise…” Nanami could almost hear his stupid grin.

"You make it sound like it's a recurrent event" Nanami pointed out, slightly surprised as he didn't know you were a drinker.

"Oh, Nanami-kun, you really know nothing huh?" Gojo said, smiling widely as he had managed to manipulate Nanami into asking.

"Know what?" Nanami hissed as he now swore he could hear Nanami creepily grinning at his phone.

"No, nothing!” Gojo said as if it were nothing; trying and succeeding at peeking at Nanami’s curiosity “I'm not gonna talk over depressing things on the phone. Gotta go, bye! Kith kith, Kento-kun" Gojo sang and hung up, as he smirked, proud of his little mischief. He sighed deeply as he stretched in his bed. "Soon, those two will be back together" he smirked to himself.

Nanami hissed a curse under his breath as he locked his phone and threw it on his bed and went to the kitchen. If he had understood well, Gojo had just hinted at a possible drinking problem. He tried shaking his mind off of it. You couldn't, could you? You weren’t a drinker...You weren’t the last time he saw you. You were able to party and have fun without having to intoxicate yourself.

You were wild, cheerful, unpredictable. Everything he was not. And that’s what had made him fall in love with you back in your school days. You were so laid back, he could feel it permeating into him when you two hung out. The few times he’d broken rules was because you’d been the bad influence, however, you somehow managed to get away with it, and leave him with some distant memory in which he felt actually glad to be alive. He usually felt like he was walking on a cloud stuck in time, being present and enjoying the little things that made his everyday memories.

He’d really screwed up after breaking up with you...if he could call that a breakup... His life took a dramatic turn. And then, he turned his back to this world, and got immersed in the gray life the average man in Japan had. Away from what he's familiar with, away from his friends, away from you.

And now, apparently, you had a drinking habit. He wondered if he had caused it, or if he was one of the reasons behind it. The guilt started creeping in. The same guilt and regret he felt after ghosting on you. Not being able to bring himself to properly end things with you.

The guilt he’d managed to swipe under the rug for so many years creeped back out, and followed him around as the afternoon went by. After having a shower, changing into more comfortable clothes and in a lame attempt to cook dinner, he decided to test his luck. He put on a dark button down shirt and decided to go to the bar closest to the School. He felt the naive hope to find you there. However, if you had an actual problem, then his chances to see you there were higher.

Such was his surprise to find you there, trying to get rid of some insistent guy who kept talking to you despite your very obvious lack of interest. Before you could spot him, he watched you aggressively turn to the guy and talk to him in a rather rude tone. Sounding almost like a moody sailor as the guy’s face soon was washed with horror and disgust and walked away. As you turned your face back to your drink, your eyes scanned the bar, finally spotting him.

“Oh god” You whined as you pulled the glass to your lips. “It’s too early to be this drunk…” You hissed.

“Mind if I sit here?” He asked, pointing at the chair in front of you.

“Tell Gojo to go fuck himself…” You snapped at him as you stood up and stumbled your way to the bar asking for a refill. Nanami looked at you, feeling slightly sorry for your tipsy state, as he’d never seen you like that. And he knew being mad and drunk was never a good combination. As you turned around with your glass and made your way back to your table, you gave him a slightly repulsed smile. “You’re still here…”

“Gojo didn’t send me here, if that’s what you’re thinking” He replied.

“He might as well have manipulated you into doing so, has that crossed your mind?” You said with a sassy tone as you sat back down. “Why are you still standin’?”

Nanami took that as an invitation as he ignored your last comment, trying to refuse the idea that Gojo had manipulated him.

“Rough day, huh?” He said as you nodded and stared at your drink.

“Look, Kento. I’m glad that you’re back. I really am. You’re strong, and you’re smart…” You began. “But I’m gonna cut the chase, I’m kinda annoyed too. Ever since you got back, Gojo has been sticking his snobby nose into my business” You explained. “Many of the missions he sends you in, I’m supposed to be there as well, but manage to get busy by then and not go”

“So you’re actively avoiding me?”

“Yes” You replied bluntly. “Mostly because Gojo is trying very hard to bring us back together. But no, I learned my lesson the first time” You said taking a sip to your scotch, feeling it smoothly sliding down your throat, no longer feeling the burn from the alcohol.

“I haven’t apologized for that…” Nanami began.

“Don’t” You interrupted him. “It’s better this way”

“Are you sure? Because you still seem to have an issue with it…” Nanami said, managing to read you like an open book like he always did. He still had that ability.

You glared at him, angrily as you opened your mouth to snap back at him, but your mind was foggy and a big portion of your brain was focused on the little details surrounding him. His black shirt, the first buttons undone. His thick wrists, one of them hiding underneath a fancy looking watch, his blond hair pushed back, his sharp features...And god, his smell. The smell of his cologne luring you in like a fly to honey. Since any words made it to your mouth, your next step was to take another sip.

“You’re drinking too fast” He pointed out.

“None of your business” You said standing up and taking your wallet out and leaving a few bills on the tale. “I’m out” You said coldly and walked out of the bar.

Nanami sighed, frustrated that he hadn’t managed to get anything out of interaction. Aside from the pretty clear fact that you disliked him. However, he didn’t think of the possibility of you resenting him so much because you still had feelings for him.

As you walked out of the bar, the chilly wind hit the back of your neck, making you shiver. You cursed, knowing it was going to make you feel drunker faster. You made your way to the school with long steps, trying to make it to your dorm before your last drink made it to your head. Despite the cold wind, the hot tears in your eyes in a way kept your face warm. As you tried to keep yourself from crying, you heard steps behind you.

“Wait” You heard Nanami’s voice calling behind you as you stopped on command, against your own will. You swallowed the lump on your throat and managed to keep the tears still in your eyes, as you refused to look at

him. “At least let me walk you home. You can’t walk on your own like this…”

“Oh, so now you care?” You said turning around and looking at him, giving him a smug smile. “You’ve changed” You scoffed bitterly.

“Please” He said, knowing better than trying to argue with you.

Your stare on him softened, as something within you urged you to say yes. To have more time with Nanami and maybe cling to the bittersweet memories you were constantly reliving since his return.

“Fine” You said, very much to his surprise. He smiled and walked closer to you with the gentle smile that had been haunting your dreams as of lately.

“C’mon. My car is not far from here…”

You stopped coldly as he mentioned a car. Taking a second look at him, you wondered how much he’d changed. He’d become an adult through and through, hadn’t he? While you were still a mess...Or so you thought. To Nanami’s eyes, you were a far better sorcerer and warrior than him. And he envied you for it.

“Are you actually going to take me to the school?” You asked, suddenly growing suspicious of him, as you’d had plenty of experiences with strangers on the street and knew better than going into someone’s car in a drunken state.

Not that you didn’t trust Nanami. You didn’t trust yourself drunk.

“I was actually thinking of taking you somewhere for dinner and then to the school” He said.

“Not hungry”

“No, but you’re drunk. It’ll sober you up, and tomorrow morning you’ll thank me when you wake up without a hangover” He said as he walked towards his car.

“I don’t have any more money on me” You lied, looking for an excuse to avoid spending any more than necessary with him.

“I didn’t ask you if you have money” He said boldly as he managed to make you smirk for the first time since his return.

“Smooth, Nanami. You’ve grown” You said as you followed him.

The walk to his car felt like your chest burnt far more than the alcohol ever did. It felt bitter, it hurt and was nauseating. Was it really it, or was it the alcohol finally catching up with you? Like flashes of instant memories being erased from your memory, the drive to a restaurant felt like a poorly edited foreign film. The car felt like some intense themed park ride as you felt dizzy with the alcohol whispering everything you missed about him. It was gross and it was sickening.

The Ramen sign on the outside on itself managed to sober you up a little by taking your mind off Nanami. As you followed him, clumsily standing on your feet, you sat on one of the tables and tried to make sense of the dancing letters in the menu. More flashes of memories were taken off your head, as you wondered what was happening and how drunk were you for you to start blacking out.

“Not good…” you muttered under your breath.

“Did you say something?” Nanami asked.

“No. Nothing”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m not”

“You’ll feel better in a bit. Don’t worry…” He said softly as he sipped from a soda you didn’t know he had. When had he ordered it? You looked in front of you to the nice surprise that you had one too despite not knowing how or when. “I ordered some ramen for you. Something spicy...It’ll sober you up faster”

You chuckled as you looked at him.

“And how do you know that?” You asked with a cheeky tone as he smiled softly.

“Went drinking a lot with friends from work” He said. “I learned a few things here and there”

More brief black outs kept lazily painting a rather miserable painting in your memory. As you ate your ramen, you found yourself relaxing more and more. Was it the hot spicy broth? In the beginning, the balck outs weren’t getting any less frequent, however, as the night went by, you found yourself sobering up like he said. Soon, the black outs were gone, however you were still somehow locked in a haze. Although it made sense. The amount of booze as well as the short time, it was going to take a lot more than just one hot bowl of spicy ramen to get you back to a sober state.

The conversation kept flowing comfortably as both of you ate. It was reminiscent of the old days, nostalgic and somehow morbid. As the both of you tried to grasp at the old days when your worries were limited to school work. Catching up like old friends who hadn't seen each other, as if you didn’t have hard feelings for each other.

After having finished your food, Nanami paid for both of your meals and went back out into the cold night. The sky black, stars hidden by the streetlights as you made it to his car and finally noticed the silver color in it.

As he drove back to the school, you noticed he took a small detour, instantly setting alarms in your head.

“Where are we going?” You asked, your voice considerably serious as he noticed the change in tone from the pleasant talk they were having in the restaurant.

“There’s somewhere I’d like to go…” He said as he briefly looked at you and gave you a tender smile.

That smile made your heart uncomfortably skip a beat as you hated the effect he still had on you. You didn’t dare to ask any further as you slowly recognized the route he was taking. As he slowly took one of the roads towards the edge of the city close to the coast line. He stopped in a rather deserted place, as he got off the road and stopped the car.

Despite the lack of light, aside from the few streetlights, you knew exactly where you were. A whole in your chest opened dramatically as you felt your eyes tear up and happy memories attached to the location flooded your mind.

“Kento…” You said chuckling bitterly.

“When I said I wanted to apologize, I meant it…” He said as you clenched your jaw and looked out your window, avoiding his stare.

“And I told you I didn’t want to talk about it…”

“You’re still upset about it, I get it. And I don’t blame you” He began as he felt his heart beating hard in his chest. “Look at me, please”

You wanted to say something to him. But you knew you would break down crying as soon as you opened your mouth. You took a deep breath and without saying anything you looked at him. His dark brown eyes gazing into yours, as he was looking at you with a rather pained stare.

“You remember this place, don’t you?” He asked.

A bitter laugh escaped your lips as you clicked your seatbelt, getting it off.

“I’m done” You said dryly as you opened the door and got out of the car.

“No, [Name]. Please, wait” He said as he mirrored your movements and excited the car walking around it.

“Of fuckign course I know where I am, Kento” You barked as you walked away approaching the door. “I know where I lost my fucking virginity, okay?” You barked as you stopped coldly and looked at him, tears finally streaming off your face. “Look, I’ll make us a favour and summarize this conversation. Yes, you’re a fucking asshole for just taking off one day and completely disappearing. Yes, I’m still mad about it. No, I won’t take your apology. No, I don’t care about whatever shitty excuse you have for me to listen to you. You bringing me here out of all places isn’t going to change shit…” You spat all in one breath as you stopped and took a deep breath.

“I loved you, Kento. I really did. And it hurt to have you just dissipate like you were a hallucination or something...You were my first kiss, my first love, my first everything! And one day I lost all of that. You ruined sex for me!” You yelled angrily. “I could never hold, kiss or sleep with anyone, because at some point I’d see your stupid face, and then be incredibly underwhelmed because I would not enjoy sex. I can’t feel anything anymore, Kento...The only way I can actually enjoy those things is by getting drunk or high” You admitted. “I can’t walk into bookstores, nor eat sandwiches or diet coke, nor drink tea because all those things remind me of you. And yes, it’s lame that all these years later I still care about those things. And this is why I can’t forgive you” You cried, as your voice shook.

Nanami’s heart broke little by little at each one of your words. He knew he’d screwed up and had hurt you deeply. But he wasn’t aware of the actual impact. He clenched his jaw as he felt his chest tight and a lump on his throat. Now the drinking problem made sense. Gojo had painted it like you were an alcoholic, but it wasn’t exactly the case. So you’d gone to the bar to get it off with some stranger, probably pretending it was him.

The dizzying pain and weight of his mistakes blinded him for a second as he walked towards you as you kept bitterly complaining. As you tried to walk away, you made a very poor effort as he caught up with you and cupped your face in his hands, bringing you closer to him and shutting you up by pressing his lips against you.

The sudden surprise made your heart stop. Your mind turning numb and blank at once as you struggled to bring yourself to push him away. However, truth be told, you didn't want to push him away. The poor attempt to push him away was more than obvious. The strong fighter you were, barely making any physical effort. Nanami's hands wrapped around your back and pulled you close, squeezing you against him as he sighed into the kiss.

Finally kissing him back, you locked your lips against his desperately, eager to taste the lips you've been dreading in your dreams. Clinging to him like he was going to disappear again, a soft whimper escaped your mouth. Your chest pressing against him as he felt his own world getting blurry.

He broke the kiss pulling away as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“You have no idea how much I missed you” He whispered as you clung to him.

“I-I…” You stuttered, the words tasting bitter before they even made it to your mouth. “Fuck, I want you, Kento” You growled as he pulled you in, kissing you hungrily again.

His hands posessively clinging to you as he slowly guided you back to the car. One step at the time as you both melted in a hungry sour kiss. As you ran out of breath, you pulled away, gasping for air as you gripped his collar in your hands.

“I can’t hold back anymore” You said as you pulled away and grabbed his hand, walking back to his car.

Your words unleashed a shiver down his spine as his heart skipped a beat and raced like crazy, as his pants started feeling tighter on his crotch. He chuckled softly as he realized his own judgement seemed to have disappeared with that first kiss. And before you could even make it to his car, he gripped your hips and spun you around as he bumped his forehead against yours.

“I can’t either” He admitted as he guided you to the car’s hood and pulled you over it. Ass you sat on the warm hood, he got between your legs and you wasted no time wrapping them around his waist. He grunted softly feeling your crotch against his as you pulled him closer to seal your lips together.

As you soon were absorbed by the dizziness of your rising heat, his hand went to your bare thighs as he slowly caressed your skin, going up and lifting your skirt up in the process. A soft moan slid into his mouth as he gripped your ass softly and squeezed it. The way your skin got covered in goosebumps and how you jerked your hips made him moan in response.

It felt good, and intoxicating. The driving desire burning his insides. The feeling of desiring to taste you all over and have you shaking underneath him. God, he’d missed that particular rush of adrenaline. His body reacting to the deeply buried memories now loose. He felt like he was in the best high he’d experienced. Lightheadedness and presence in the moment, he hadn’t felt this alive in so long.

Your hands were slowly undoing his buttoned shirt and were quick to explore his warm skin. He pulled away from the kiss, gasping as he looked at you. Your devilish smile matching your hungry stare. You leaned forward kissing his neck, nibbling on his skin every now and then. His hand gripped your hair tightly, pulling it lightly, making you look up at him as he stared at you.

He leaned forward, kissing you once more, this time a lot more slow and a lot more tender. It was sweet and it was slow and it took you by surprise. You felt his sweet kiss begging you, still holding on to the feelings you both decided to drown unsuccessfully. It almost hurt. It was the kind of kiss that told you how much you missed and needed each other. How much you regretted the mistakes you’ve done.

As you melted against his lips, his hands slowly slid your panties off. You helped him lifting your hips a little but as you giggled against his lips.

“Eager?” You said with a playful smirk.

“You have no idea” He replied as he took off your panties and shoved them in his back pocket.

His hand made it back to your thigh, slowly going up until he palmed your hot sex. Stealing a gasp out of your mouth, he teasingly ran one of his fingers through your dripping slit, making him smile satisfied.

“I’m not the only one, huh?” He said as you looked at him with lustful eyes.

You took his glasses off and set them aside. You were about to go back to kissing his neck when he slid one finger inside of you effortlessly. A rather loud moan escaped your lips as you shut your eyes closed feeling your entire body tingle in a way you hadn’t felt in years. You smiled satisfied as you continued kissing his neck. Slowly, he got another finger inside. The delicious stretch of his second finger prompting you to bite his neck softly making him growl your name softly. His fingers explored the whole he knew so well, as he found your sweet spot almost by muscle memory. More moans came out of your throat sounding like music to his ears.

“Fuck, Kento” You hissed as you took off your top, not caring that you were outdoors and by the road. Up to this point, you were so pent up, you simply craved him like you’d never craved anything before.

Nanami wasted no time and kissed your neck, going down to your neck, gently biting your skin every now and then. Sucking delicately on your skin, leaving marks that wouldn’t last long. He pulle dhis fingers out of you, clinging to your body desperately. As you laid on the car’s hood, you devoured him with your lustful eyes, begging him to get on top of you. Wearing just your skirt by this point, Nanami groaned at the plain sight of you.

He undid his belt and his pants. Your hands playfully teasing your own body in an attempt to drive him crazier and crazier. He cursed under his breath as he couldn’t take it any longer. He pulled his painfully hard erection out of his pants. You watched hi, intrigued, stretching your hands towards him, gently gripping his dick. His breath hitched and you smiled proudly.

Nanami leaned over the car hood, slowly getting on top of you, his shaft resting on your belly as he looked at how much deep could he go inside of you. His tip almost reaching you belly button, as the idea alone made a shiver run down his spine.

"Please, Kento" you gasped, need dripping from your voice as you caressed his dick

He growled softly as he pulled away softly, aligning against your entrance and slowly going in. You gasped, pushing your head back and pressing your hips against his making him go deeper.

Hissing your name, he jerked his hips, his tip.kissing your cervix as sudden rush of pain jolted through your body, followed by pleasure. You dug your nails in his shoulders as he thrusted back and forth, hitting all the right spots. The sound of his gasps and grunts hypnotizing as you got wetter by the second. His length coated in your juices, echoing in lewd wet noises.

He was rough. He usually was. Back in student days, he was particularly rough. As quiet and collected as he seemed, he sure got his stress out if his body through wild sex.

Relentlessly pushing against you, stretching you in such a delicious way only he knew how. Strong and aggressive movements as your walls swallowed him whole every time, breathless moans escaping your lips with every push. The cool wind kissing your skin, only enhancing his warmth.

As you felt your orgasm progressively approaching, the realization of how addicted you were to him hit you. He was everything you desired. And it was wrong. Before the feeling of uneasiness started to sink in, a sudden electric rush ran through your body. Painfully and soothing, as you tightly clenched around himbsoon numbed your mind.

As you came around him, your walls sucked him in tightly, as he was right over the brink, your velvet flesh pushed him off the edge. He didn't have time to pull out. And honestly, he didn't want to pull out. The way your walls milked him felt delicious. As he rode you through your orgasm, filling you up as his head felt dizzy and the world was spinning faster than usual. His hot seed coating your insides, as you shut your eyes closed, feeling the very last of your orgasm fading away.

He pressed his forehead against yours. Loud pants echoing.

However, the world didn't quite return to its regular focus.

The rest of the night went by in a fuzzy hot mess of events. You returned to his apartment and kept feasting on each other, making up for the lost time. Both of you incredibly starved and needy, you desperately went at it over and over again. It was a rather long night. As you feared, no one made you feel as he did. All of him was addicting. His smell, his voice, his warmth, his skin...It didn’t matter how many strangers you fucked, or how drunk or high you were, he felt just right. He made you cum so easily, it seemed ridiculous everyone else couldn’t.

But you knew it was far more than that.

You were still deeply in love with him. No wonder why he had that effect on you. Just hearing his breathlessly gasp was enough to have you soaking wet and under his mercy. Between sweet kisses, fake promises and sweaty sex, he quite literally fucked you to oblivion. Until either of you could take it any longer and you two fell asleep in each other’s arms. It had been a long tiring night, as you knew many of your muscles were gonna be sore the next day. Your chest painted in red and blue bruises.

It was possibly one of the best night sleeps he’d had. In such a long time. The uncomfortable hole in his chest didn’t feel so wide now. Just like you, he didn’t know how much he actually needed you until now. His regrets, his guilt, the thoughts haunting him on how much of a jerk he’d been when he simply took off...All those feelings went away for a night. As he tasted the wonders of the universe under your skin. Feeling ecstatic and euphoric for the first time in years. However, nothing could’ve prepared Nanami for what he was about to experience when he woke up.

“What the hell is this?” Gojo asked as he waved around the folder you’d left a few hours earlier in the Headmaster’s office.

“Why the fuck do you care?” You said as you grabbed it, ripping it off his hands.

“You’re seriously leaving for Kyoto?” He whined.

“So my transfer was accepted? Great!” You said sarcastically as you opened the folder and saw the Headmaster’s seal at the bottom.

“What about Nanami-kun?” Gojo replied as the very last string of your patience snapped.

“Oh, fuck you, Gojo! You tried to force us back together, but it’s not going to happen” You snapped. “I’m done. I’m done with him, and I’m done with you sticking your nose in my business”

“Do you really think that running away will solve anything? You’ll still be depressed as hell”

“The less I know about him, the better” You said as you turned around, hot tears blurring your sight as you headed with long steps towards your room. “I don’t trust myself around him…” You whispered. “He’s my weakness Gojo, I can’t let that happen…” You said coldly.

You’d left that morning very early, before Nanami woke up. And you left leaving no trace of you ever being there. Unintentionally doing the same he did. It was unintentional because you hadn’t done it out of spite. Your thought process had been simply. You preferred to not have that conversation and simply leave without him noticing. You had had the exact same thought process Nanami had had all those years ago.

You didn’t waste time and soon started packing your things to leave for Kyoto right away.

#jjk smut #jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen imagines #nanami kento #nanami x you #nanami kento imagines #nanami x reader #nanami angst #server collab

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years

Note

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

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atsunflower · 3 years

Text

Rated: SFW

Author notes: *sigh* for the third time the damned app ate up the tags. This one took me too long and I'm excited for write about my man suna again. This is also pretty different from what I'm used to write, but why not? Please enjoy your reading.

Warnings: cursing, substance usage/mentions, break-ups and me trynna be funny.

I – Cancel me.

Previous || Next

He looked at them with expectation as the beats smoothly faded, indicating the song's ending.

If he were to be honest, the pair before him was a pain in the ass, but their opinion was that important because, when it came to music, they were the best at it. He felt no shame nor jealousy in admitting it.

"Dunno, the hook sounds like a Vice headline ta me." The bleach-haired male said, hearring the song's outro blaring through the studio speakers.

"Isn't it a Kid Milli reference, tho?" The other asked while munching a chip. He frowned at them, not understanding their point.

"Whatever. You two are no help anyways." Hearring their bullshit, the brunette already regretted this collab. He paused the queued song, turning to the other two with a blank stare.

The twins before him snickered, knowing they successfully hit a nerve. They couldn't help it, provoking Suna was one of their favorite hobbies.

"The song is good, but I gotta tell ya this butt hurt phase of yers is pretty lame." The faux-blond opened his mouth again, spinning around the studio with the desk chair.

"Fuck you, Atsumu" He snapped, almost giving in to the desire of decking them both on the face.

"Tsumu's right, ya Lil Peep wannabe. Can't believe this break up ended up that bad." Osamu said in mockery, throwing the empty Lay's wrapper at him. He scoffed, disposing the wrapper on the bin before getting back at the screen to look at the FL studio interface.

"It's not that I have a broken heart. I just wanna know what's wrong with my life" He shrugged, blindly tacting over the desk in search of his Juul.

"Yeah Samu, he's just grieving over those fancy ass Dior Jordans. Sunarin is incapable of mundane things like a broken heart." His blond friend was partially right.

Suna Rintaro was many things: alt model, music producer, cloud artist and a decent volleyball player that almost went pro. But if there was something he could never be, it was a lucky man on love matters.

With his fair share of failed relationships, the artist could never pinpoint when things went wrong. It would always be the same: he would meet a girl, they would have a good time and then, the chick would turn out demanding as fuck.

In the end, every single one of them would slap him across the face and leave his life banging the front door shut like crazy — last week, it was Mika who broke things off, but not before setting his limited edition pair of jordans on fire. He would never get over those sneakers.

"Good for him, those kicks were kinda ugly." Osamu said in a bored manner. Suna felt his soul leaving his body.

"The hell, Osamu?" He was ready to fight, deeply offended by the attack at his taste in fashion.

"Yo, you two." Atsumu butted in, checking something on his phone "Y'all are drifting away from our problem."

"That is?" The other brother asked.

"Cheer up Sunarin before he fucks up with the Album." If Suna had the energy, he would kick both Miyas out of his studio "And I gotta the perfect thing. Let's hang out at Akagi's tonight, he just invited us." The already distressed musician felt the soul leaving his body for the second time that afternoon. He was sure both twins wished his death.

"Not a fucking chance. Last time I went there I almost died because of that weird stuff we smoked."

"Aw, Sunarin, Kita'll be there too." The faux-blonde tried to persuade. The mention of their older, responsible and straight edge friend made Suna look at them with interest. But he needed more, though. Based on the last experience, he didn't have the will to risk his life going to Akagi's house once again. A shiver descended his spine as the male recalled how much he threw up that night.

"Suna, man, I gotta agree with Tsumu. Yer feelings are showing in your music." Osamu said as if he was some kind of genius.

"Isn't art about it, tho?" He deadpanned "Expressing feelings and shit?" He asked, staring them dead in the eye. The males before him shivered because of its intensity. Suna snickered.

"Man says art, but most of his songs are about the Nikes on his feet and the Tesla in his garage." Atsumu mocked "What the fuck?" The blonde barely dodged the moleskine thrown at him.

"Don't chew on me when you do the same, asshat. This is called character development." As unnerving the twins were, he felt a whole lot better in their company "Just lemme produce my sad stuff in peace."

"Cut us some slack, ya dumbfuck. We're just worried about ya." Osamu protested " 'Sides, no wonder no girl sticks by yer side. You know what the chicks find sexy? Seizing the means of production, not yer dumb car."

"You two are so la—" The musician was interrupted mid sentence, startled by the blond figure clutching his phone with enthusiasm.

"Oi Samu," Atsumu's loud voice startled the other two, as he excitedly fisted the air.

"What the fuck?" Suna asked, dropping the Juul on the floor.

"She'll be there tonight." The blond said, looking at his brother with a new wave of joy.

"The fuck? She who?" The brunette frowned.

"Ya gotta go and find out, man." The gray haired twin said with a knowing smile, matching his brother's excitement.

The night out felt somewhat draining. The booze, the music and the company were great, but his lack of energy was a mood killer.

Cheer me up my ass, Suna cursed internally as he observed everyone getting wasted all over the place. He grimaced at the sight, realizing the meeting with the twins was enough social interaction for the day.

He didn't know what's gotten into him. The male knew it wasn't necessarily caused by the break up, but he couldn't help the feeling down.

Right now, life just felt lowkey suffocating.

Being a public figure meant being under the spotlights the most of time.

People talked.

People assumed.

Media was all over him, ready to catch a scandall.

And of fucking course his name was on gossip headlines. It even occupied a spot on twitter trending topics for a day or so.

"Fuck me." He said before the lukewarm beer went down his throat.

"Sunarin!" He heard Atsumu shouting from his right "I want you to meet someone!" And only now he noticed the blond had his left arm over a girl's shoulders.

Oh, that's the one they were talking about, maybe? the brunette realized. What's the hype, tho? He asked himself, eyeing your figure.

"[Name], this is Suna. Sunarin, this is [Name], best girl ever and the mastermind behind the visuals of mine and Samu's last album" The bleach-haired male said with a proud smirk, ruffling your hair. You were obviously shy.

How cute, the brunette thought.

"Dumbass, don't embarrass me in front of others!" You nudged the Miya with your elbow "Nice to meet you, I saw your name on TMZ last week—" You said beaming and he grunted.

I take it back. Not cute at all, the man internally screamed, not ready to talk about the recent events. He didn't even want to listen to the rest of your speech, your cheery voice went through his ears in a white noise.

"And this makes me really excited for your album. The interview about the collab with dumb and dumber was lit." You continued, the words were genuine and you seemed really interested "And I also relate on a spiritual level because I know working with them is hell."

Oh, she's talking about the album. He realized in relief.

"Yo, I heard good things about you too. The design of their album was hella sick, even though they two suck ass." Suna snickered when he heard Atsumu protesting. You only left out a giggle, joining him on the teasing.

The blond kept ranting about how bad of friends the two of you were.

"I didn't introduce y'all ta gang up on me. Bye, I'm finding another company. Ya two suck." The blonde Miya said, leaving only you and Suna in the sofa area.

"Uh, so…" He drifted off, trying to start some small talk

"Yeah..." You both giggled at the awkwardness "Not enjoying the night?"

"Too much happening right now. Lots of people talking shit 'bout me." He sipped the beer, grimacing at the stale taste of the drink "Hope they cancel me already. So all this shit dies down." Suna looked away, suddenly shy for opening up to a stranger.

"You're a famous guy and the break-up wasn't that scandalous. It'll be over eventually, just beware the sneaker cult." Your amusement was comfort enough. You didn't make intrusive questions about the events and merely joked it off. He felt so worn out by the situation but, at least, your presence wasn't overbearring.

"How is it everyone knows about the jordans?" You shrugged it off, laughing at the distressed face he mocked. Sighing in relief, Suna couldn't deny how refreshing your presence was. Not to be a jerk, but usually, the girls either were all over him or judged every single move he made. You were just that easygoing.

"Well, I don't think you came here to sulk on the sofa all night long. Why don't we join them by the pool and down some shots?" You hopped off of your seat, pointing to the glass doors. All the boys were waving at you two and suddenly, Suna felt a wave of joy run down his body.

Atsumu was right. Best girl ever.

At some point of the night, everything became about you.

All he could hear was the sound of your voice and all the time, his eyes were drawn to your figure. He couldn't figure out a reason for it, but the rapper wasn't complaining either.

A sharp pang at the side of Suna's head broke the trance he was in. Osamu had a shit eating grin on his face, eyeing the ravenette with amusement.

"We told ya so." The younger twin mused whilst he handed a long neck of vodka to the other.

"Stop. This is dumb."

"Yer dumb. But you ain't that dumb ta dare ta mess with her." The gray-haired Miya squinted at him, menacingly pointing the bottle in his hand at the brunette. The latter shrugged it off, opening his drink.

"Nah, I'm good." And he meant it.

But how could he explain the situation he was in?

Lips and hands wandered over the expanse of his skin. Everything was too hot and too good at the same time. Overwhelming, even.

He wanted more, more and more. There wasn't enough of you.

And if it wasn't unfair enough, his body felt lethargic. He was desperate, but couldn't keep up with the rhythm you imposed. Be it the alcohol or the stress, his body gave up and blacked out, even before you could undress each other.

In the morning after, a pounding headache woke him up. Suna didn't dare to open his eyes, but the morning breath fanning over his face was unbearable.

"I can't believe a cutie like you have a stinky breath like this." The complaint came out in a raspy voice, accompanied by an annoyed grunt.

Someone snickered on the other side of the room.

"Man, I didn't know you had the hots fer Samu." Atsumu was somewhere across the room, laughing at him.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Hearing the other, Suna's body jolted, dizziness made his head spin in the process. He felt sick in the stomach and the morning light made his eyes sting. "When did I get back here?" The male looked around, realizing he was sprawled over Akagi's floor, right beside Osamu, who didn't even squirm at the loud voices in the room.

"What do ya mean? We never left" Atsumu frowned, uncaping a water bottle he was holding "Ya puked on Kita and passed out. The boys were too wasted ta drag yer sorry ass back home so we all crashed here." The blonde was dumbfounded, trying to figure out how wasted Suna got last night.

Suna wanted to know too. After all, there was no way the events envolving you were a product of his drunk mind.

facts:

• Suna's artist name is yosemite.

• He has a Tesla Model S because of Frank Ocean.

• He takes his Nikes very seriously.

• No, not all of his songs are about the car and the kicks.

• He and the Miya twins got a sports scholarship because of volleyball, but they dropped out of school to make music.

• The three of them created Inarizaki, the label they're making music under. Kita and Aran manage it.

• Both Miya twins are beatmakers and music producers. They recently debuted as artists and now are making a collab EP with Suna, thus Atsumu's concern about the album.

#suna x reader #suna rintaro x reader #suna scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines

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mistwraiths · 2 years

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3 stars

This series is another popular series that I won't be giving a synopsis for. I know I didn't particularly enjoy the first six Shadowhunter books but I was told this series is better. Despite the fourth through six books kind of spoiling this city which sucks. But rest assured friends, I'm going to put on my clown make up and finish this trilogy.

Look, I love a Victorian London setting in my books, however this didn't really feel like one. I read in her foreward that she read a lot of similar books to help prepare her but she didn't achieve it. It felt like characters, mostly Tessa, would suddenly remind readers what is and isn't considered appropriate in the time period. I know what isn't!!! Readers are smart and at these and other moments in the text that make me feel like Cassandra doesn't think that I am.

I actually couldn't find myself liking much of Theresa Gray which is a big change because I actually liked Clary in the beginning and Jace to a point. Tessa felt rather lackluster after Clary. I found her extremely dumb, not acting rash or doing stupid things, but actually asking dumb ass questions. This book features another new to the Shadowhunter/Downworlder life which is frustrating since this isn't the first book people usually start at so why re-explain things? But no, I found Tessa being dumb and having dumb reactions in normal parts. Jem tells her about how he almost died when he was twelve and how the Silent Brothers did everything they could, and she exclaims how cruel it was and gets his age wrong. She gets mad at Charlotte instead of Will when Will was saying awful things. She also has some very rude, bizarre, and sometimes disturbing judgements immediately on seeing the appearance of characters. Jem, Enoch, and Sophie are examples. There's this whole paragraph where Tessa seems startled Jem is Chinese. She's obsessed about Sophie's scar and wants to ask extremely personal questions (to mostly everyone) and wonders what's the point of living if you look like Enoch. It just gives not good vibes.

I have heard everyone go bananas for Will Herondale but for the LIFE OF ME I cannot understand why. I remember specifically liking Jace mostly although I was irked by him at times. However, Jace 2.0, (I know he's am ancestor but still) I couldn't find a single moment where I actually really liked him. I love a good sarcastic character as much as anyone else. There's even likable assholes. Will Herondale never felt like either. He was rude and an asshole, and not in a fun, endearing way. Nothing about 80% of what he says is playful? It's just cruel or hurtful or downright unnecessary. Look, I can tell there's something tragic or bad that happened. Maybe he treats people like shit because he's cursed or something that anyone who likes him will die or get hurt, or he's only hurt the people he cares about. I don't really CARE because he's just awful. Him being somewhat decent to Jem doesn't excuse shit. And then randomly, we'll get a snippet of Will going oh he's surprised that someone's leaving or he suspected that his presence makes things worse. I don't have any sympathy about that.

I didn't think I would be but lo and behold, I'm on Team Jem side. I've always had a thing for silver features but I honestly just loved Jem's character. He's funny and good and smart and strong. His whole reveal actually did invoke a bit of emotion in me because despite everything, he's going to continue to fight. I've only known him one book and I kind of know what will happen with this series, but I love him and want to protect him and I think he deserves happiness.

As for the other characters, I'm looking forward to learning more about them. I respect Charlotte. I like Henry. I like Sophie. I actually even really like Jessamine. You know, I know someone might point out it might be hypocritical of me to like Jessamine when she acts like a bitch at times and Will is awful too. I don't excuse her nastiness, but I'm more sympathetic because it seems like Jessamine can't escape this life she DOESN'T WANT TO BE A PART OF. She's clearly miserable and while she's mean, I never found her to achieve Will's level. Even the way she says things isn't as mean in my opinion.

However, I do think most people's behavior in this book is atrocious and no one hardly ever says anything to stop it. I can't think of a single Victorian London setting that allows such nastiness spoken so upfrontly. Most are veiled slights not clear insults, which is why I think Jessamine kind of ekes by.

Apart from all that, the book isn't terrible! From what seems typical, things don't really get good until near the end. There's a bunch of interesting stuff we're left with. I want to know more. What the hell is an Eidolon. What the hell created Tessa and what more can she do? What/who are her parents? Why did her necklace do that weird thing just at the end? I'm hoping maybe Will becomes more likable in the next book. I'd also like to see more of Tessa actually DOING something.

#clockwork angel #cassandra clare #steph's book review #steph reads #book review

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sunnys-rewatch-blog · 2 years

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S1, E18

"The Badass Seed"

I thought Ezra knew Aria's friends knew about them?? Wtf?? Not just missing stuff, I guess I'm inserting some stuff too.

Caleb has surprisingly good hygiene for a high school boy.

Do you mean to tell me these girls were handing out and talking about fake IDs centimeters from the bouncer's head and he didn't notice a thing? I'm calling bull. They just don't give a shit is what it is.

Emily and Toby have such an amazing friendship and I am already mourning it.

Having Ezra and Ella together could have also contributed so much drama.

Jenna just started playing her flute before Emily even fully turned around. Where did it even come from?

I don't know if the showrunners realize the difference in credentials between a high school teacher and a university professor. High school teachers need a bachelors degree and a teaching certification; university professors need a masters at minimum and usually at least ten years of experience in their field. Just because you teach at a high school doesn't mean you're qualified to teach at a university. Hollis is referred to as a "college," though, so maybe the qualifications are less stringent.

This episode is really Ezria heavy and I hate it. If, somehow, these blog posts reach an Ezria fan, and all of my rants haven't put you off yet, what did you like about them? What was the hook? Take away the student/teacher angle and what even was there? Because I wanted so badly to like this couple, if for no other reason than because they dominate so fucking much of our screen time, but no matter how much they shoved them in my face, they never grew on me. I can't even find a "toxic guilty pleasure" angle because the narrative is too unaware of how destructive they are. This question isn't accusatory, I saw so many people around this time who thought of PLL as "the Ezria show" and were completely in love with it, and that to me is the biggest mystery of this show.

The philosophical discussion about whether or not people can be born evil is a very interesting one that could really serve the story and was not given enough airtime. It's especially pertinent to Alison's life and redemption arc. I have heard and read so many comments that claim Alison was "just evil" and shouldn't have been able to change, even though my interpretation- up to this point- is that we have a character who thrives in shades of gray, and who was actually a child- a subsect of people well-known for having incredibly plastic brain chemistry and neurology. They could have used this debate and expanded on it for the remaining girls with Alison in the post-S4 episodes to cause divisiveness and drama, but it doesn't make its way out of S1. Tragic. Also, why is it always the English class bringing up philosophical debates?

#pll rewatch #pll #pretty little liars #anti ezria #ezria #emily fields #hannah marin #spencer hastings #alison dilaurentis #aria montgomery #opinions and commentary #review #analysis

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crystallos-sol · 4 years

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Hey have another meta on Gray & Natsu because I don't think I went deep enough.

Gray is traumatized and can't even voice his emotions sometimes. Natsu understands him WITHOUT any issues even during this time.

Don't believe me? Here look at this:

Natsu knows Gray just basically said:

" I care about you please take care of yourself "

I'm so emotional about these two because they are great and they understand each other on a deeper wavelength than I have ever seen within Fairy Tail.

I'll throw in multiple examples for you to compare but please come up with your own. Rewatch the show or Read the manga if you want to, there's so many examples that I cannot fit into one post so I have to suffer with a few. (Not including Happy has I think it's best to put people that aren't his kid,,,,)

First up: Lisanna.

I'm not hating on the ship at all. I'm picking people CLOSEST to Natsu & Gray. And she was essentially close to Natsu before her death. They raised Happy together and had a secret hideout for fucks sake.

Lisanna has I recall from the episodes we had of her, was close with Natsu. But something changed. Because her death hurt Natsu and changed him into a different person. That's clear to see. But her death drove a wedge between them and changed the entire relationship for good.

Lisanna was Natsu's friend, back before her death but however I believe that we do not know much of her outside of her death and how it affected Fairy Tail. We also do know about her Family and how it hurt them. But not about Lisanna, from what we can gather from the many episodes of Fairy Tail she is kind hearted and genuinely loves her family and doesn't want to lose them again. (Her reactions to her siblings being thrown into danger.)

But again her death drove fear and grief into Natsu and that's why him and Lisanna aren't exactly close anymore, because Natsu runs from his feelings. It's also hard to talk to someone you haven't seen since you where a teenager.

Up next who is/was close with Gray: Erza. We know Gray ran after her and helped to fix her tears, even making a child's promise about it. We also know, Gray was Erza's first real friend. Gray has a child was close with Erza in that regard. I do believe Erza shoved him away like she does with everything in response to what happened to her. (But that's a post for another time.)

Gray is still close with Erza, but due to Erza never feeling as if she can stop being Titania he is not as close to her as he is Natsu.

Lucy, who is one of Natsu's best friends, is actually close with Natsu. But unlike with Gray Natsu usually is (Ignoring Mashima's horrible writting between for now because that's a WHOLE OTHER issue) saving her or protecting her. At least it was like that until recently when Lucy finally got the character development and upgrade she deserves.

Lucy is close to Natsu but Natsu also doesn't want to lean on her. Yes you can qoute multiple instances and scenes where it appears he is leaning on her. But however with this you have to take into account the period of time Natsu has known her. The trust issues Natsu already has and previous trauma he has gotten and even new trauma!

Now it gets worse because this is dipping a little into Mashima's terrible characterization and understanding of how people function and feel. Especially women. Take Lisanna and Lucy, if you think about it they are essentially the same fucking character. Both are kind, stubborn, where hurt by someone they love, left their home behind for a number of years, painted has a badass while also simultaneously being soft and delicate.

Sound familar?

Because that's basically the Mashima guide to write a female character. Now what really gets me is the final thing that really cements it. They both have been/are in the supporting role for Natsu. Don't you dare go saying: But Lucy is the main character!

You, like the rest of is because Mashima wrote her like shit, didn't even know that until the interview or you saw that Fairy Tail fact post. The majority of us thought it was Natsu. Because in reality Mashima did NOT start writting her like a main character. He did not give her the good motivation every single damn Fairy Tail Character has.

Lucy & Lisanna have the same number of things that make up their characterization, and yes so do a number of Fairy Tail characters. But that's not the point. The point is that Lucy reminds Natsu of Lisanna in some ways and Natsu cannot bring himself to trust and lean on her fully like he can with Gray. It is not an attack on Nalu. Nalu is a fine ship if only written correctly (aka: Not Mashima's Version Which Is Horrible And Toxic But That's Another Meta For Another Time.).

This is a post about how Gray and Natsu are close. That's it. Natsu cannot bring himself to fully trust Lucy and lean on her comfortably without 1) forcing himself, 2) it happening outside of his control because of past trauma which by the way knowing Natsu he did not do anything about it and most likely bottled it up.

Wow that was a long session on Lucy but in summary: Natsu is traumatized and is not mentally healthy like the entirety of the Guild.

Now, the last one, which I'm sure you can GUESS. It's Juvia. Because some people think that Gray and Juvia are the " closest people! " And " he doesn't let anyone really touch him other than her! "

1) Bullshit. And 2) Bullshit. Here's why:

Juvia is a toxic character who stalks and uncomfortably idolizes Gray to the point it's fucking ridiculous. There are multiple scenes of her following (stalking) Gray around and being jealous of Lucy. Even declaring her a " Love Rival ".

This is probably because: Gray was the first person that was decent to her. (She was bullied for who knows how long and involved in a toxic guild + an abusive relationship.) Before you say shit about Gajeel: He's not nice. Gajeel before all of this, was an asshole, now he is nice which is pretty cool and a great character development. Back then? He was not nice.

Which brings me to Gray. Who even is okay with being stalked, being grabbed randomly and having someone so obsessed with you they made fucking dolls of you? No one. Before you argue: But he doesn't pull away from her!

Gray is most likely touch starved. Considering his entire background and general tendency to not receive hugs or any sort of affection usually. My evidence for this? Myself. I am touch starved and I often react bad to touches from strangers or creepy people but I also have a late reaction time. Because my body is saying: Oh touch???? And my brain is screaming: No.

He also could be trying to be decent. Which is all he did in the first place. He could be trying to not hurt her feelings and yes you could say he hurt Mira's feelings when he called her stupid for betting on Natsu but he also was apologising and panicky because he didn't want to hurt her.

Also if I even have to explain further why being stalked and basically turned into a fetish and an object is a bad thing then clearly something is fucking wrong with you.

Gray however feels safe likely with Natsu, who's been there from the beginning, took on Deliora, fought too many people just because one of his friends are in danger, has repeatedly stopped Gray from using Iced Shell and was ready to Die with him.

Natsu in return probably feels safe and like he can trust Gray to handle himself because this man has been there since day one and even can take Natsu himself on with no problem. Natsu also probably is happy Gray is nothing like Lisanna or Lucy. Because Gray is Gray and he doesn't remind Natsu of anything traumatizing he's been through.

They both trust one another and stay by one another's side because they are both understanding that they aren't gonna leave. Because think about it, Gray has lost family and his mentor to death. He has suffered through that. You wanna know who's constantly beating death on its ass???? Natsu " I refuse to die " Dragneel.

Natsu has lost family by being abandoned and by Death. He got it both ways and he's suffering because of it. But Gray who's stubborn has shit and stood death in the face at a young age and screamed fuck you at the top of his lungs, wouldn't leave. Gray who fucking went through hell and back, destoryed his own infiltration mission just because Natsu Dragneel rolled up, Keeps Trying To Protect Him, Never once wants to lose Natsu. And Natsu knows that. Because Gray is his constant. Gray is that constant presence in his life he knows for a fact he can trust.

But idfk that's just my thoughts on them.

#fairy tail #ft #natsu dragneel #ft gray fullbuster #gray fullbuster #ft natsu dragneel #ft natsu #ft gray #also i guess this could be viewed has:#Gratsu #natray #because technically it does sound gay but it focuses more on them and relationships has a whole #not tagging example relationships or characters because its not the main focus

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sourestlemon · 3 years

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So. I made a bet with my friend that I could get through Omegaverse Haikyuu fanfiction because he says I can’t so if I read https://archiveofourown.org/works/13330632/chapters/30514041 that I’m going to get free icecream and twenty bucks.

But still, Bokuaka! Bokuaka is beautiful, I should rant about it more actually

This is me talking about this fic as I read, so it’ll be updated until I finish

Note, I’ve finished and it’s very very long. You’ve been warned

There’s my review and meta at the end of this as well as some critiques

Spoilers ahead.

“The Jewel of Seijou”

THE WHAT NOW

IWAOIIII

Bokuaka is so fucking cute dear god.

Oh. It’s sinful now

Ushijima better stop throwing shade at my boi’s

“"I can't believe you all think that you can go against the crown and live!" Ushishima says silencing them all. The alpha was slowly emitting his pheromones wanting to show them all his superiority. No one said a word against him. "Toru! I didn't know you'll be as lowly to use your family name to gather us here!" The alpha seethed to the omega that could have been his wife. Iwazumi hackles raised and bared his lips at the beginning of a growl. "And you!" Ushijima turned to Bokuto full on emitting his pheromones making the rest of the alpha's shoulder hackle cautiously and Oikawa to cling at Iwazumi. But Bokuto meet Ushijima calmly, unfazed by the bloodlust while Akaashi was frozen to his spot but didn't show any emotion.”

So what we get out of this paragraph is

1) Bitchy Ushi. I love Ushijima don’t get me wrong he’s precious but like. This fic Ushijima? Son of a bitch walking up in here like “Toru! How dare you be so lowly—“ and fucking trying to dominate everyone.

2) Protective Iwaizumi. Protect the precious Seijou Jewel. Do it, fight for him, protect him he’s scared.

3) Is Ushijima salty because Oikawa didn’t choose him? Oh god, he is isn’t he.

4) Akaashi’s go to emotion isn’t emotion.

5) Shits about to go down, Bokuto is gonna flip eventually, if Ushi threatens anyone—it’d probably be Oikawa or Akaashi seeing as they’re omega’s—I can see Bokuto and Iwaizumi just flipping their shit.

God I’m way to invested. Why did I read this

USHIJIMA IS A COWARDLY LITTLE BITCH IN THIS FIC, STAB HIM HINATA

D O I T

Awww Kageyama cares, Tsukki cares

OH MY GOD TENDOU!

More people came surrounding them. "What the hell," Akaashi recognized Iwazumi's voice.

Iwaizumi’s reaction is the only respectable reaction.

Wait this has major character death in the tags

Fuck

Everyone has decided that Oikawa and Akaashi must be defended but just once I want them to flip their shit and kill someone. Just once.

Bokuto, Lev and Iwaizumi all want to protect Oikawa but Iwaizumi doesn’t even fucking trust em.

Why does everyone act like Nishinoya not wanting to move on so quickly is a bad thing? It’s perfectly reasonable and I hate how everyone is like “What’s wrong with you, do you not like us?” And getting super standoffish or snappish simply because Nishinoya loves Asahi so much and doesn’t want to feel like they didn’t need him.

I really don’t like how Nishinoya/Tanaka/Ennoshita became a thing in this fic. It would be cute if it didn’t just happen because Nishinoya was desperate and if he wasn’t he wouldn’t have fucked Tanaka.

Oh dear god I don’t want Kenma to die.

Oh thank god it’s okay.

Fuck I forgot they had boobs

Did Bokuto almost name the Kuroken baby Oya but changed last minute?

BO ISN’T COMING BACK IS HE?????????

I’m feelin a little sniffly. I might fucking cry over an Omegaverse fic. Oh how the mighty have fallen

Oh my god the stars. I don’t think Bo is coming back y’all. I’m so nervous

The fuckin royals aren’t getting Keiji. No. Nuh-uh FUCK THAT SHIT

THAT’S BOKUTO’S MATE STAY AWAY FROM HIM

-cue mac worrying about oikawa because seijou is allied with fukurodani and an easy way to tear seijou away from the alliance is to kidnap oikawa and iwaizumi might split to keep him safe and ushi fucking knows this and possibly tendou also oiks is pretty as fuck-

BOKUTO IS OKAY!

Iwaizumi making Bokuto promise to save Oikawa if things went to shit makes me so worried but the same time his lil speech made my IwaOi heart so happy.

Suga bby...

BOKUTO JUST KILLED A FUCKING CHILD

Tendou, Ushijima I never thought I’d say this but I fucking hate them right now. They better not hurt the other best Boi’s.

Ushijima is salty as fuck confirmed.

"You truly are a piece of art," Ushijima said gently ...."But not as beautiful as him," the alpha muttered as he threw the omega to the floor.

So, this little snippet sent disgusting shivers down my spine for two reasons.

1) Ushijima just yeeted Akaashi, my son and

2) Any reader knows who the ‘he’ Ushi is talking about is, the only person in this book who is said to be as beautiful as Akaashi. You guessed it, the boi who rejected Ushi-fucking-jima, Jewel of Seijou himself Oikawa Tooru.

The thing that grosses me out the most about this paragraph just on its own is that Ushijima is either guessing about what Oikawa looks like, or he actually knows which overall just gives me the heebie jeebies because Oikawa definitely didn’t want that. What makes my skin crawl in this little snippet is what Ushijima would do when if he got his angry little hands on Oikawa—or Iwaizumi, but Iwa would probably be killed or used as a bargaining chip.

Hmmmmm, I’m pretty sure Ushi is in love with Tendou but the beauty statement still stands possibly???? Unless specified otherwise, because Akaashi and Oikawa are canonically considered the most beautiful people in the fic.

Also this entire chapter just makes me feel so gross, fuck Ushijima man. Fuck him.

My Ushijima loving heart hurts reading this fic.

I just want Akaashi and Oikawa to straight up kill someone. Please, anyone who I don’t care about

I FUCKING SEE THE MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH WARNING AND I DON’T LIKE IT

FUCK

NOT BOKUTO

WAIT IS HE ALIVE

I WANNA SEE MY LITTLE BOY

HERE HE COMES

I WANT TO SEE MY LITTLE BOY

"I came right on time," Bokuto forced out his voice cracking with emotion. "Now I can engulf you in my arms and brighten your days despite the absence of the sun. You will no longer have to endure the cold winters alone. I'll be with you, I be there for you and our child," The alpha vowed his hands itching in need.

"Are you going to leave us again?" Akaashi needed to know. The omega already knew that he wouldn't be able to survive being apart from the alpha. He knew that he wouldn't win the battle with the overwhelming loneliness.

"The seas could dry up, the mountains could turn to pebbles, the trees could die and the whole world could be on fire and I still won't leave your side."

That was all Akashi needed to hear as he leaped into his alphas arm and let go of all the pain he has held in

I’m not crying I swear

They walked together side by side and Akaashi finally faced them. They were both beaten, bloody, and torn butinstead of feeling satisfaction he felt remorse. They both looked at him with soft, wide eyes, and he realized that this was the moment they were waiting for. They wanted to see the child that they both desperately wanted and Akaashi decided to give them a parting gift.

Akaashi had won, he had won from the very beginning and he held his trophy who was a small babe with golden orbs, with mutant white and black hair. He hadn't lied to Tendou when he had said that the baby looked exactly like his father.

OH MY FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOD I’M SOBBING DON’T TOUCH ME

Meta and Review

So I just read A/B/O for the first time and I knew absolutely nothing about the entire trope that Mpreg existed and to stay the hell away from it. Please remember this in the meta and tell me if there way of dividing characters is ever specified or if it’s just decided by top-bottom dynamics.

Wow.

The story was pretty good outside of what I’m about to talk about. I liked the ships and most of the buildup, the worldbuilding seems solid, the war and UshiTens situation was really interesting to me and it made Ushi and Tendou a bit morally gray and could’ve talked about how people could do bad things for what they thought were the right reason and everything was clean cut.

Overall? Eh. Could’ve been done better

Not onto the rest

This doesn’t seem as toxic or inherently bad as most fics I’ve seen, I didn’t really like how Omega’s are always inherently feminine—the dresses, jewels, how they’re seen as inherently weaker and sometimes helpless, how they’re always referred to as “my lady”—and aren’t really given another choice because they might have the ability to reproduce in A/B/O but they aren’t women. It’s okay if a man is really feminine but for all of them to be? It rubbed my the wrong way.

I wish that the power structure was handled different in A/B/O in general. Omega’s seem to be treated like they’re helpless and I just...don’t like it? Omega’s might be submissive but that doesn’t make them physically weaker and if it did, I would’ve thought they would have picked up some other useful skills like diplomacy or strategy.

As usually, my example of how a character could’ve been handled better is Oikawa.

He’s my favorite character and I adored him but he just didn’t really deliver. It felt like he was being treated like a kid throughout this entire fic, it didn’t seem like he was doing anything during the war. Even if Omega’s don’t have a lot of physically prowess and abilities, what happened to Oikawa’s strategic and analytical nature? Why was it never mentioned in any of Bokuto’s POV sections because out all the leaders of the Allied Kingdoms, Oikawa is the best strategist—Kuroo is the exception, not the rule and I thought they should’ve been working together because smort boys—but he was simply hidden away.

Now I have no problems with all the protective IwaOi scenes when they’re in immediate danger—it makes perfect sense if Omega’s are physically weaker but have other usable talents that are taken seriously—and Oikawa simply can’t talk his way out of said problem.

I do however, have a problem with cowering Oikawa. That feels so OOC at the beginning of the first scene I cited, where is all of the quick wit and worthless pride from the show? Now, it makes sense for Oikawa to start getting scared and simply slip behind Iwaizumi once Ushijima tries to dominate everyone and all the Alphas start freaking out if Oikawa is at an actual, physical disadvantage—I feel like the alpha’s their have similar frames, or at least most of them do. Bokuto, Ushijima, Kuroo and Iwaizumi are jacked and beefy, everyone but Iwa is relatively tall too. Now, Oikawa’s tall too but he’s much thinner and leaner. I’d be scared too if everyone could break me like a twig if it came down to it—but no ??? Apparently at the first sign of any conflict he just gets scared??? He doesn’t know what’s going on in his own fucking kingdom ???

This is not Oikawa.

I didn’t like how they treated most of the Omega’s actually, it felt like they were just reverted to helpless damsels in distress. What happened to Kenma’s observation skills? Nishinoya’s everything?

More importantly, what decides Alpha’s and Omega’s? Is it up in the air like gender is? What are Beta’s then? It can’t just be who’s top and who’s bottom, that would mean the alpha-beta-omega- status wouldn’t be decided until you had a mate

From what I’ve seen in the fic, it goes by ship dynamics but what if the characters who had more strategic, cunning, observant traits and weren’t as buff and muscly would be Omega’s and had the brain power while characters who relied more on physical prowess would be Alpha’s and dominant in a purely physical way sometimes while characters who were an odd combination of the two would be Beta’s.

Going by my logic, instead of the top being the alpha and the bottom just being an omega without any personality it would be...

Bokuto- Alpha, like he was in the story. He’s definitely more physically inclined then Akaashi.

Akaashi: Omega, same as in the fic. Not to say he isn’t athletic but he relies more on his mind.

Iwaizumi- Alpha, like in the fic but from a purely physical standpoint and because he can rein Oikawa in when his friend starts going nuts.

Oikawa - Beta, he’s quite powerful but he’s also manipulative, strategic and his mind is scary as fuck.

Kuroo- Beta, he relies on his physical prowess and dorkily perfect brain a lot so he’s also a mixture of both.

Kenma- Omega, physically he’s a twig but his mind is what makes him the brain of Nekoma

Hinata- Alpha, he doesn’t use his brain a lot and has a lot of physical power

Kageyama - Beta, he’s pretty smart when it comes to volleyball and he’s also physically strong

Suga - Omega, he’s quite clever and his brain power out ways his physical prowess by a landslide

Daichi- Beta, he firms strategies and relies on his brain, plus his killer thighs

Tsukishima - Beta, he has his hue fur and athleticism but his brain power is also strong as fuck

Yamaguchi - Beta, he seems to be really people smart and eventually his serves are pretty good.

Can Betas get into a relationship with other Betas? I don’t know or care, we stan Alpha-Alpha, Beta-Beta and Omega-Omega ships here

I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS HOW IT WORKS THO

do I have to read more

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