#i tried this joke on three different people and it failed miserably each time

[laurasbailey]

hey, sorry to come out of nowhere with this, feel free to ignore! just wanted to get a bit of perspective on the c3 negativity i've been seeing for so long, which i've tried and failed to avoid and has been bumming me out more than i would like. this is my first campaign, it has brought me so much joy and company, but every time i end up reading a deeply negative take i can't really shake off the feeling that they're actually right, cause some of it makes sense to me and i can't unsee that. i know i'm being paranoid about it and truly setting myself up to be miserable and ruin the whole thing, which at this point i might've already done, but i just get sad wishing i could've had experienced the things everyone raves about (like different pacing and a lot of RP) for this campaign, which i'm so close to. do you think c3 is actually, objectively, worse or shallower than the previous ones? is there truth to the criticism (about it being too plot-driven, about the characters making each other worse and not being a good fit for this story, about the cast not being as into it and so on) or is the internet being the internet, and i should basically touch grass? it's not like i would drop it, honestly, i'm just sad thinking about how this story and these characters could've worked out if the "quality" was the one i keep seeing everyone talk about in regards to c1/c2. i know it's not that deep and it shouldn't matter in the long run, i'm just struggling a bit to not give in to the negativity and wanted to get your take on it, as someone's who's navigated this fandom longer! and again, truly sorry for the unprompted rant and thanks in general for being cool and taking the time to make gifs and recaps :)

you said it's brought you joy and company and it's seeing the negativity that's starting to ruin it, which is, honestly and sadly, a common thing that happens in online fandoms. negativity will bring the mood down regardless, because it just spirals into further misery. personally i stopped looking at fandom opinions and i've been a lot happier ever since! half the stuff you've said in here i've never heard before, that's how off the grid i am now lmao.

to answer your question, no, i don't think c3 is necessarily "worse" because, while people are entitled to their opinion, i think that's such a lazy, basic ass way of looking at it. also i just don't think a dnd game with people who are storytellers for a living can be shallow unless that's their goal, quite frankly. are there aspects of c3 i dislike? of course! but the same is true for all campaigns. there were parts of c2 i thought were very weak, despite the entire internet praising it like the second coming of jesus. there are things i think c3 does better than c2, even. and there are things c1 does better than both c2 and c3, and so on.

do i like that most of the campaign has been bells hells vs. a ticking clock? not really, it does mean certain sacrifices are made. do certain characters get on my last nerve? absolutely (but that's not exclusive to c3 lmao). at the same time though, i get the three women front and centre of the main plot, which has never happened before. i get a laura/marisha character romance after watching them have great chemistry for years. i get c1-level stakes and fantastic female npcs/villains, which c2 was mostly lacking. i get ashley full time (!!!) coming out of her shell and being her best and most chaotic self. and i get SO MUCH of the c1 characters? i'm fucking spoiled if you ask me.

maybe some of the criticism is very real and warranted (again, haven't seen it and don't plan to) but at the end of the day, this isn't my game of dnd or yours or any of the viewers'. we are literally watching other people play an improv game where they're crying one minute and making dick jokes the next, you just have to be along for the ride. going into the campaign with certain expectations is really silly and critiquing it the way you would a tv show just doesn't work. also unless these people are friends with the cast and speaking to them irl, how could they possibly know they aren't enjoying it as much like be serious 💀

i'm gonna be so honest here: idk if the people who are constantly spouting negativity are just miserable, but they sure look it! also stupid! why? because normal people who hate something simply ✨ stop watching and move on ✨. sure, hatewatching can be fun if you and your friends are in someone's living room or discord call shooting the shit, but doing it online day after day after day? honestly i just feel sorry for those people. happy people do not spend their time throwing essays worth of negativity up for the big wide world to see! how do i know this? because i was that person in my teens and i was severely unlikeable!

if you've enjoyed something without the bias of someone else's opinion, then you've enjoyed it! but your opinion can also change as the campaign goes, that can also be true! i would be interested to hear the reasons you loved it initially, because i think you'll find that most of that core stuff is present in all three campaigns.

the recent plot of c3 has been more stressful than any plot in previous campaigns, so understandably people have big feelings. my advice: the block button is your friend but so is the follow button! criticism is healthy, find people who deliver it in a way that's not some whiny entitled baby. letting someone else's opinion influence yours will never make you happy.

#anonymous #ask #sorry for the long response! #and some may say 'but you're unlikeable now!' #and to that i say... but now it's a choice 😉 #honestly i'm jealous of you - you still have c1/c2 to experience! #each campaign is so different and that's the beauty of it imo

[profundcherrylady]

Couldn't sleep at 3am so I analyzed Death Note (Part 2)

Continuing were I left off last time:

Light doesn't have that. If Light could, he would avoid social relationships, despite having great intelligence in that area that allows him to adapt to any possible social situation. However, as I said, it's incredibly emotionally stupid. Every time I see the scene where he is discovered I laugh at how desperately he tries to defend himself, shouting things like "it's a trap!" in an exaggerated and even ridiculous way, because come on, who would believe that at that point. It almost seemed like he was trying to gaslight himself into thinking he still had a chance to escape the situation. In my opinion, if he had a little more emotional intelligence MAYBE he would have had a chance to sound more convincing, but then again, he got desperate and started yelling and insulting everyone because of his anger. He does not know how to control his emotions, which ultimately led him to die as well. Light and L were extremely intelligent in many areas, but also stupid in others, and the fact that each had that specific intelligence that the other lacked was what made them perfect rivals. For that reason, I consider it inaccurate to say that L was "less intelligent" than Light for dying first. They were both idiots, they were both geniuses, the difference was who failed first. And that's the thing, an absolute genius is not a perfect being, because there is no such thing as an absolute genius. You can't be smart in every area there is; there will always be something where you're going to look like an idiot. And that's fine; that is the point. In all examples of geniuses in the entertainment industry there is always an episode or moment where they break their stereotype of a perfect genius that makes them question their lives. Which is also stupid in its own way because of what I pointed out before. Geniuses make mistakes. And although these failures are sometimes fatal, that does not take away their value. If a chef accidentally adds more salt to the food, does that automatically mean he or she is less than another chef who has never made a mistake? No, it just means they made a mistake. Was the entire product ruined? Yes, but that is the human experience. Being, existing and making mistakes, learning from those mistakes and continuing; because even in fiction there is no such thing as a perfect being. So from the beginning Light's expectations of being the "god of the new world" were impossible. A human being can never be a god because he will always be destined to err and be imperfect; no matter how much you think you can do it. What's funny too is how much people joke about Misa cutting her life in half twice and still outliving both of them. She was, in the eyes of L and Light, stupid in every area there was, and ironically she was the one who managed to live the longest of the three. There is a saying out there that says ignorant people are the ones who live the happiest, and for Misa that was true. She was blind with love for Light and most of the time she didn't even know what was going on, but she had the time of her life during that time. She was incredibly happy while Light and L made their lives miserable seeing who died first. Of course, in the end Misa ended up committing suicide, but I have the feeling that despite everything she was satisfied with the life she lived. She was no longer happy because she was alone, but at least she lived the life she wanted. I feel like the story was never about who was smarter, because as I said, both had their moments of genius and stupidity, but rather about their own experience of what it means to be a human being in this mortal world. For Ryuk, something as simple as dropping a notebook into the human world sealed the fates of each of the people who died during Light's lifetime. For what they, mortals, meant their whole lifes, to him was a fleeting moment of fun and source of entertainment. That is, in itself, human life. Honestly there was a tiny bit more but it isn't worth making a part three tbh. Hope y'all liked it

#ryuk death note #l death note #death note #light yagami #misa amane #3am thoughts #thoughts idk

[tgammsideblog]

Tgamm ¨The Curse¨ episode analysis (S1 E1 A)

Alright, for starters i would like to say that i’m thinking about starting a little project that involves me writing reviews/ analysis of episodes in Season 1 while the series is on haitus. I may post twice of these per week ( 4 segments per week) if people like the idea.

I’m not planning in making these very in *depth* analyses. See it more as me writing some general observations and giving my opinions about an episode. I have always prefered to keep things simple and to not go that hard into details. Expect these to be quick reviews rather than very long essays. Having that said, let’s start with the analysis of ¨The Curse¨

One the first things that always catches my eye watching this episode is just how good the intro to the Ghost World is. In the first scene we already get this feeling of sadness and desperation coming off of the Flow of Failed Phantoms. The rock where the Ghost Council is looks intimidating. It gives the impression we are in cold fantastical world different from ours.

Another thing that the intro scene helps setting up is how cruel and authoritarian the Ghost Council is: In the first minute we see them throwing a ghost who wasn’t capable of keeping her town miserable because of things that were too out of her control. The Ghost Council doesn’t care about this and sends her quickly to the Flow without any doubts. With so little the series is already telling us a lot of the Ghost World social system, how it operates and that the ghosts have a job to keep humans miserable. That’s a great way to get you audience attention quickly.

What it follows is the introduction to Scratch’s character: The first he is doing when he appears on screen is eating garbage. Then he gets into the Ghost Council’s faces, not caring about social manners at all. That scene alone is communicating a lot about Scratch’s character, from his habits to the way he usually interacts with other people. When the Ghost Council is about to go the Ghost Council club, Scratch asks them if he can go with them. He is quickly rejected, being made fun of and abruptally send off back to the Earth realm. For a moment Scratch is seen with a sad expression, only for him to cover that up by saying ¨he doesn’t need anyone¨ and ¨he is better off by himself¨. Here we see Scratch’s character main conflict clear. His constant loneliness and treatment he receives in the Ghost World by his superiors. His denial about his current situation, repeating to himself again and again that he is better alone to cover his own pain of not having anyone else.

As for the McGees, i like how each one is introduced and i can easily get a quick grasp of their dynamic like Darryl being the trouble maker and Molly looking to make Brighton a better place (¨I see limitess potential). With some lines it’s enough to undestand more or less how they work as a family. There is a brief mention of the family economic status when they see the state of their new home, which is nice.

After arriving our main protagonists finally meet for first time. For the very first moment they interact with each other, the writers take full advantage of their personalities to make hilarious interactions between them. It does a good job at  settling their whole relationship that gets more depth in later episodes. If there is one issue i have that affects this episode’s quality is how much it tries to explore in only 11 minutes of screen time. Instead of letting the events flow naturally, it feels like the story is jumping from scene to scene with no breather in between. For example: Molly interacts with Scratch two or three times before he decides to put the curse on her, which makes feel like the narrative is pushing the characters to move instead of the other way around. It’s not that this aspect alone completely ruins the episode. There are other things like the jokes and the characters interactions that still make it fun to watch. However, i would argue that it may not fully get the attention of someone who is starting to watch the show.

Moving on, i found the song ¨Together Forever¨ sweet. It’s a cute and funny sequence with some dark humor lyrics (Like a parasitic worm I live your heart!) which is something you wouldn’t normally expect from a Disney animated show. Scratch attemps at trying to scare off Molly are funny with Molly barely reacting to them.

When Scratch goes to the Ghost World to ask to two members from the Ghost Council about the curse (while half lying about it). There is a short explanation that shows that Scratch has to make Molly or her family leave the house so he is able to break the curse that bounds him to Molly. The main issue is that the house is the McGees’ ¨forever home¨. Molly explains to Scratch that they have been moving multiple times around the country, something that lead to Molly having to leave many friends behind. This gives a reason to why she acts to happy about Scratch being her ¨forever friend¨ because she never had proper long lasting friendships. She never stayed in one place growing up. It’s worth of bringing up that Scratch seems to sympathize with Molly for a moment when she mentions having lost friends in the past. It shows that he wasn’t completely bad even when he didn’t like Molly at the start.

In last scene of episode Molly is talking to Grandma Nin by using videocall. Nin suggests her to make a Sal Phra Phum, a little house for ghosts that comes from Thai culture (Molly is part thai from her mother’s side). I think it’s cool that they used Molly’s culture to find a solution to Scratch’s problem. It’s a nice touch. What’s more, it is interesting how Scratch calms down once Nin makes this suggestion, showing that his issue was probably not having his own space. Molly doesn’t hug him as much as she does in this episode, meaning that she got the idea that Scratch doesn’t like to be given too much attention.

In all, i think ¨The Curse¨ is an okay episode to start the series. There are some weird things about the characterization and pacing that may come from being one of the first episodes. Usually animated shows first episodes aren’t the best quality and they can be a hit or miss. In spite of this, If someone is trying to introduce the show to a friend. i would suggest them to make them watch the segment that follows ¨First Day Frights¨ since the writing and the pacing is better in that one in comparison.

#The Ghost And Molly McGee #tgamm #tgamm the curse #Tgamm episode analysis

[emolooswrld]

Hello! Could you do Eddie being completely oblivious to a quiet girl from school that likes him and only really realizing it when one day she comes up to him when he's alone and very nervously asks him out.

hi lovely!! ugh yes this is such a good idea. i tried my absolute best! i kind of switched the plot around a little bit n made them best friends, but reader is still very shy n quiet. i really hope you like it<333

it was honestly getting pathetic at this point. you were absolutely head over heels for your best friend. the loud, dnd playing, metal head, eddie munson. though you two could not be more different.

you were shy, to say the least. your nose always buried in a book. you wouldn’t dream of climbing on top of the lunch table, screaming at random students. which is exactly what eddie was doing right now. you hid your face in the book you were reading, an attempt to hide from the eyes of all your peers.

when eddie finally sat back down again, he leaned over to you, pushing your book down so he could see you. “you really have to stop hiding every time i cause a scene.” he grinned. you closed your book and set it on the table. “you know i hate the feeling of people watching me. it makes me uncomfortable.” you contorted your face in discomfort. “oh cmon sweetheart,” he leaned in so close you could feel his breath on your lips. “i know you secretly want the attention.” eddie winked. you playfully shoved him away, hoping he didn’t notice the way your breathing had significantly increased. or the way your heart practically leapt out of your chest.

this was normal for you two. always flirting meaninglessly, except for you, it was never meaningless. your heart ached every time eddie did or said anything even remotely flirty. knowing it was all a joke to him, hurt you in ways you didn’t think were possible. it was always pretend and it would never be real, no matter how hard you wished and prayed it would be.

“cmon y/n! just tell him how you feel! he 100% feels the same way. i can tell by just the way he looks at you!” you had confided in robin about your major crush on eddie long ago. she had been practically begging you for months now to just tell eddie how you felt. and every time you would respond with the same stupid excuse.

“i cant! what if he doesn’t feel the same? then our friendship will be completely ruined and ill end up being even more miserable then i am now.” robin sighed and rolled her eyes. “you both are absolutely oblivious. it’s so obvious your totally head over heels for each other. literally everyone can see it but you two.” you shook your head.

“robin i just can’t risk it.” you fell backwards into your bed. “besides i wouldn’t know how to even go about asking him out. i mean what am i supposed to say? “hey eddie, just wanted to let you know i’ve been completely and utterly in love with you for three years now. wanna go out?” that sounds fucking insane.” robin tried to stifle a laugh, but failed miserably. you threw one of your pillows at her. “okay! okay! im sorry!” robin put her hands up in a surrendering motion.

“definitely don’t say it like that, but you really should just talk to him. i promise you he feels the same. if im wrong ill cover all of your shifts at family video for an entire month.” you immediately sat up to look at her. “are you seriously trying to bribe me into telling eddie how i feel?” robin shrugged. “is it working?” you couldn’t say it wasn’t. “a little bit..”

“then make it two months. if you tell eddie how you feel and he rejects you, i will cover all of your shifts for two whole months.” robin took two fingers to her chest, crossing her heart. “and what if he doesn’t?” she smirked mischievously. “then you have to take all of my shifts for two months.”

you thought about it for a minute. it was kind of a win-win situation. if you told eddie how you felt and he rejected you, you would have all of your shifts covered for two months. you would be able to hide in your room, away from everyone. especially eddie. but if you told eddie how you felt and he felt the same, you would finally be with eddie. yeah, you’d have to cover robins shifts for two months, but that was a measly price to pay.

you held your hand out to robin. “deal.” she smiled so wide you swore the corners of her mouth almost touched her eyes. “deal.” she said as she shaked your hand. as soon as robin left, a million thoughts raced through your mind. the biggest one being, oh god what did i do.

the next day at school, you were a nervous wreck. you had spent almost the whole night planning what you were going to say to eddie. you practically had the whole speech memorized before you even made it to the school parking lot. you repeated in your head like a mantra throughout the whole day.

you had asked eddie to meet you in the woods after school. he had assumed it was just to smoke a joint as you two did that quite frequently. little did he know, you were about to confess all of your feelings for him you had kept hidden for the past three years.

your heart hammered in your chest as you made your way through the woods. you silently prayed to the universe that this would go as you hoped. you didn’t know what you would do if he rejected you. you didn’t want to even think about it.

as soon as you reached the picnic table, eddie flashed you a toothy smile. “hey sweetheart,” he held up a freshly rolled joint in between his fingers. “you ready to smoke this shit? it’s really strong so you might wanna go easy.” you smiled at him. “actually there’s something i need to talk to you about.” you said as you nervously sat on the edge of the table.

eddie looked concerned. “hey, what’s wrong? are you okay?” he reached across the picnic table, taking your hands in his, rubbing the backs of them with his thumb affectionately. “no no im fine. i just- i need to tell you something.” he stared into your eyes intensely, almost as if he was trying to read your mind. “im listening.”

you took a deep breath, looking down at both of your hands intertwined. it was now or never. “i don’t really know if there’s an easier way to say this so im just going to get right to the point.” you paused, taking the time to try and calm yourself down before you continued. you felt eddie squeeze your hands, encouraging you to go on. it was all you needed to keep going.

“i’ve had feelings for you for a long time now. there’s just something about you that drives me absolutely insane. your just so different from everyone else and i admire that. your so sure of yourself and your so fucking kind and considerate. you always put everyone before yourself. you care so deeply for all of the people in your life. you just have this way of making everyone feel seen. your just so perfect. i never told you how i felt because i was so scared of being rejected. im still fucking terrified-i-you’re my best friend eddie and i don’t know what id do without you because i just love you so much and i totally understand if you don’t feel-“ you were cut off as eddies lips crashed into yours.

you gasped in surprise. though it didn’t take you long to melt into the kiss. the feeling of eddies lips against yours was like pure ecstasy. the way your lips fit perfectly together made you think you were made for each other. the kiss had your toes curling and your chest heaving. it wasn’t until eddie pulled away that you finally looked at him.

his eyes were full of love and pure adoration. “you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do that.” he said with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. “really?” the way you were still unsure of his feelings towards you made eddie chuckle. “yes really. y/n i’ve been in love with you since the day i met you. i just never thought you would ever feel the same.” you giggled. “i guess we’re pretty oblivious aren’t we?” you asked with a smile. “yeah. total idiots.” you both laughed.

you knew you were going to have to take all of robins shifts for the next two months, but you didn’t mind. it was a small price to pay considering you were finally eddies and he was finally yours. nothing could ever ruin that.

[hello-yue-here]

text conversation between me and buddy that i still find funny.

anyways atla version:

blue is zuko black is sokka

#i tried this joke on three different people and it failed miserably each time #my one friend said he forgot how knock knock jokes worked. #for reference here is the full joke without mistakes: #knock knock #whos there #britney spears #britney spears who #oops i did it again #BUT NO ONE FUCKING FOLLOWED THRU #anyways #atla #avatar the last airbender #sokka #zuko #zukka #i think this is so funny now but when this happened i was so upsey #EDIT #FUCK THE KNOCK KNCOK JOKE SIDNT WORK IN THE TAGS EITHER #BECAUSE YOU CANT DUPLICATE TAGS APPARANTLY #FUCK I STILL HAVE YET TO SUCCEED IN THIS GODDAMN JOKE #UEBRIDHWBFJROS

[fruitcoops]

Night Changes

This isn't based on an ask, but I've had some early-Cap ideas brewing and think about the first time the team heard him laugh a lot. His and James' friendship is so sweet in SW--the beginning of it must have been such a shock to them both. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

So maybe James had bitten off more than he could chew. It wasn’t the first time, to be sure, but coaxing (read: drag kicking and screaming) his new teammate out of the carefully-constructed mosaic of scowls that made up his entire personality was proving to be a little more challenging than he previously expected. With most rookies, all it took was some elbow grease and overenthusiastic inclusion in group events to get them to open up—with his brand-new soon-to-be best friend, he had to handle things a little more delicately.

Sirius Black was a puzzle wrapped up in one of those freaky code-breaking machines from World War Two Lily liked to talk about. He was one of the best hockey players James had ever seen, but off the ice he seemed to shut down. The intense focus on his face smoothed out into almost perfect neutrality, and in the four months since he joined the Lions, he had never once smiled for real in front of the team. He sat in his stall and padded up in silence, then went out and kicked ass before following Pascal home like a living shadow.

Naturally, James took it as a personal mission to pry Sirius Black’s closed-off persona open like a stubborn oyster. He tried including Sirius in group events—the rookie went along with a quiet “yeah, sure”, but sat at the table and nursed a single drink for the entire night. He tried getting into friendly banter with him on the ice, but it was like Sirius had never joked with anyone in his life. Hell, he even tried finding him a girlfriend, which tanked harder than the goddamn Titanic.

“Rookie!” James shouted down the hallway.

Sirius jumped and turned around, obviously confused. “Me?”

“Yes, you,” James laughed, jogging over to toss an arm over his shoulders. “What’s up?”

“Not much.”

He waited for Sirius to continue, then rolled his eyes and gave him a friendly shake. “C’mon, man, how was your weekend? Has Dumo coerced you into being a stay-at-home babysitter yet?”

Sirius’ frown deepened. “What? I come with him to practice every day.”

Change tactics, change tactics— “Got any plans for Friday?”

James knew the answer, of course; it was always no or not yet or a simple shake of the head. If he was a less observant man, he would have assumed Sirius didn’t actually want to hang out with the team. But the longing looks toward their easy rhythm and the way he always tilted himself toward locker room conversations told a different story. “None yet,” Sirius said with a shrug.

James gave him a friendly slap on the back. “Good, ‘cause I’m having a party at my place and you’re not allowed to miss it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I want you to be there, duh.” The bewilderment didn’t fade from Sirius’ face, but beneath it—well, maybe James was just seeing things, but he looked almost hopeful. He ruffled Sirius’ hair and headed for the locker room. “Friday at five, rookie! I’ll be waiting!”

--

The week passed in a slog of practices and cold weather. Sirius clammed up more and more as the party drew closer, but James didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered between the rest of them like he was analyzing a play. He would make one hell of a captain someday, if he could just relax a little.

“Hey, rookie, want a ride?” he asked when the big day finally arrived.

“Don’t you want to go home and set up first?” Sirius’ brow furrowed. For an eighteen-year-old kid, he was awfully thoughtful. James couldn’t wait to see him let loose a little. “I wouldn’t want to get in your way.”

“It’s a yes or no question,” he teased, poking the bit of exposed shoulder through the widening hole in Sirius’ under armor.

“I…” He faltered, then the corner of his mouth twitched up. It was the closest thing James had seen to a smile from him yet. One point for Potter. “Sure, Pots. Thanks.”

“No problem. Meet me at my car in five or so, yeah?”

“D’accord.”

“Oho, fancy French,” James laughed, turning back to unlace his skates.

It wasn’t until thirty seconds after Sirius left the room that he remembered he never told the rookie what his car looked like. Horrible, terrible visions of the poor guy wandering around the parking lot—or, god forbid, thinking James had left without him—flashed through his mind. It would undo everything he had been working so hard to build.

“Shit,” he hissed under his breath as he shoved his gear into his duffel with reckless abandon and hurried out of the locker room. His legs would be stiff from trying to run so soon after a grueling drill practice, but it was worth it to save his friend. “Rookie? Hey, Sirius, you still here?”

There was no response. James cursed again and made a beeline for the door to the parking lot. Please, God, don’t let him get lost. I need him to trust me.

“Oh, thank fuck,” he panted as he burst out onto the half-frozen concrete.

Sirius looked up from his phone with a strange expression. “Are you okay?”

“Thought I lost you for a sec.”

“You said to meet at your car, yes?” He glanced between James and the car in sudden worry.

“Yeah, yes, absolutely, I just—” He made an aborted gesture and dug his keys out of his pocket. “I realized I forgot to tell you which one is mine.”

Sirius blinked at him. “I know what your car looks like.”

“How?”

“Because you drive it here every single day and you gave me a ride three weeks ago.”

‘Dumbass’ went unsaid, but James could feel it hanging in the air. He coughed lightly. “Right. Anyway, you can toss your bag wherever and hop in the passenger seat. My place isn’t far from here.”

Sirius took his duffel as he unlocked the car and settled both in the trunk with more care than James’ poor, battered bag had ever seen in its life. That was another thing that confused him about Sirius Black—he was so careful. He walked quietly for someone so tall, and each movement seemed pre-planned.

Each movement, that is, until he tried to get in the car. “Uh, Pots?”

“That’s m—oh.” James covered his mouth to stifle his laughter as Sirius tried to fold himself into the passenger seat and failed miserably. “I’m sorry, my girlfriend was sitting there last. Uh, there’s a lever on your right—yeah, there, just give it a pull and—”

With a harsh ka-chunk, the seat slid all the way back. Both men froze. It took everything in James’ power not to burst out laughing at the deer-in-headlights shock on Sirius’ face.

“Yep, that one,” he managed. “Nice job.”

They drove in relative quiet—James chattered on about weekend plans and hummed to the radio while Sirius watched out the window with the occasional monosyllable response. It took James a bit by surprise how comfortable he was, even without a steady stream of banter. Sirius might have been stubborn and silent and determined to foil all James’ plans at getting him to socialize, but he was calming to be near, like an anchor on unsteady water. Despite his overall quiet air, he was obviously paying attention to every word that left James’ mouth.

“You’re a good guy, y’know that?” he said as they turned onto his street. Sirius glanced over in surprise. “Most people tune me out within, like, five minutes.”

“I’m a good listener.”

James opened his mouth to respond, then paused. “Was that—Sirius Black, was that a joke?”

Something akin to mischief—mischief!—crossed his face. “Maybe.”

“Were you roasting me?” James gaped at him. “Oh my god. The guys are never gonna believe this.”

“Probably not.”

“You sick bastard. They won’t believe me.”

“You can give it a shot,” Sirius said with a shrug as the engine turned off. Pieces began to connect in James’ head as he stared, incredulous, at the rookie he thought would never even crack a smile. Four months of work had not been wasted, as he had feared; every joke, every one-sided conversation, and every attempt to get Sirius involved had been seen and heard and taken to heart. When he thought about it, he wasn’t sure he had ever seen Sirius actively agree to something unless James asked personally.

“We’re friends,” he said aloud, too surprised and too happy to hold it in. Not friends in the way James was with the rest of their loud, over-the-top teammates, but friends all the same.

“Well, yeah,” Sirius said as if it was obvious.

James unbuckled his seatbelt and socked him lightly on the shoulder, barely suppressing a shriek of excitement. “Love you, man. Grab your shit, we’ve got a party to set up.”

----------------

As much as it pained James to say it, having someone around who was six-foot-three was a huge help. There was no blow to his pride as he dragged Lily’s stepstool out; no grudging acceptance that he simply couldn’t reach those last two inches on the wall. Instead, he could foist any and all responsibility on his brand-new best friend in the whole wide world and focus on the things that mattered, like putting anything breakable or important far away from the grubby hands of his inebriated teammates.

His success was still ringing in his ears when the guests finally arrived—throughout the evening, James rode the high of accomplishing his mission to pull Sirius Black into his tight-knit circle. Every minute of those four months was worth it.

Midnight came and went, and by one-thirty in the morning James’ cramped living room was packed with tipsy hockey players in a vague imitation of a circle. “Non, non, I’ve gotta good one,” Dumo said, hiccupping. The room fell quiet as he leaned forward. “What do you call a body of water with a chicken in it?”

“What?” Kasey whispered, starry-eyed like a kid at Christmas.

“A swimming pool.”

The room stayed quiet, and then someone started to laugh. Slowly, they all turned to the source of the noise, and James felt a ripple of shock roll through the team as Sirius snorted. “It’s a swimming pool,” he said around a smile, his accent thick from three drinks. He had a nice laugh; James could get used to hearing it. “Like—poule, like chicken?”

His whole face was alight with happiness. James wasn’t sure whether to cry or cheer. That’s what I’ve been waiting for, he thought. That look, right there. Sirius fit in among the group like a missing piece of their puzzle, snickering away as if he hadn’t been stoically silent a day in his life. His laugh was downright bubbly.

“I don’t think they get it,” Dumo said into the rim of his cup.

Sirius shook his head, trying to catch his breath. “D’accord, so—so ‘chicken’ in French is poule, yeah? So a chicken in a body of water is a swimming poule. Do you get it now?”

A few oh’s of understanding washed over them, but several people continued to stare. “Too drink for this,” Sergei grumbled, though James could see the smile pulling at his mouth as Sirius turned to him with bright eyes.

“But it’s funny!” Sirius protested, so earnest it made James’ heart hurt.

“I think it’s funny, rookie,” he assured him with a clumsy pat on the arm. “And it’s my house, so I say Dumo gets a point this round.”

Kasey hiccupped. “Hey, anyone who makes the rookie laugh gets points in my book. No offense, dude.”

“None taken,” Sirius said, though his cheeks were pink.

James nudged him with his shoulder as Talker started a knock-knock joke. “It’s okay,” he said under his breath.

Sirius picked at the label on his cup. “I know I haven’t been very social,” he muttered.

“It’s okay,” James insisted. “It always takes rookies a while to warm up, so we’re just glad you’re happy. I’m glad my best friend is having a good time at my party.”

A heavy silence fell between them as Sirius looked over, eyebrows raised. “Best friend?”

“What, like you didn’t see this coming?” James slung an arm over his shoulder. “Yes, you French-Canadian nerd, you’re my best friend. And that means I’m your best friend, and there’s no take-backsies.”

“What the hell is a take-backsie?” Sirius laughed. “Did you make that up?”

James grinned. He had the feeling this was the beginning of an excellent friendship.

#sirius black #james potter #pascal dumais #kasey winter #sergei ivanov #thomas walker #rookie #sweater weather #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #pre-cap #friendship

[book-boys-are-my-guilty-pleasure]

A Stark and her Soldier ~ Part 1

Imagine: Reuniting with Bucky when you end up helping Sam with the Flag Smashers.

Warnings: TFATWS SPOILERS! This takes place during the first two episodes of the show.

A/N: I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’M BACK (with a new header lol)!!! AHHHHHHHH! It’s been nearly two years but here I am… posting this makes me SO nervous, so feedback would be highly appreciated! More parts and some information about what I’m planning with this blog to follow soon! 

“You held us together – do it for them,” he paused before adding, “Promise me you’ll do it for them.”

You blinked away the tears, knowing what was coming, “I can’t promise that...”

“Y/N please,” the way he begged you with that shaking voice was nearly enough to push you over the edge.

“I-I promise.” He squeezed your hand before letting you leave.

“You’ve reached James Barnes, sorry I couldn’t take your call, please –” you hung up before the recorded message could continue, face burning with frustration. This was the 9th time you had tried calling him this week, not to mention the countless text messages.

You scoffed thinking of Steve’s last words to you, how were you supposed to hold them together when you barely held yourself together on a good day? It doesn’t make it any easier when the person you’re supposed to be holding together is so keen on letting himself fall apart.  

Every time you tried calling him, you ended up feeling furious, miserable, or like an absolute failure – usually all three. You promised Steve, you promised, and you failed. You groaned and chucked your phone across your bed.

The last time you had seen him, Steve had still been around, and you hadn’t even spoken to him since Tony’s funeral.

 You and Pepper had walked to the lake, each holding one of Morgan’s hands, and you had sat at the dock watching the arc reactor – his heart – float away, the people behind you forgotten in your grief. The weight on your heart was unbelievable, you had already lost your best friend, Natasha, and now your brother was gone.

You promised him that you wouldn’t cry at his funeral – he always knew it was inevitable – and so you sat there, sending him away with a pained smile.

You had no idea how long you had just sat there, staring at the horizon across the lake, trying to make this last moment with your brother last forever.

“Y/N?” You felt a hand squeezing your shoulder, “You should come back inside.”

“What happens now, Steve?” Your voice was softer than he had ever heard before.

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out together,” he paused for a moment before gesturing to Bucky, waiting outside the house behind him, “He wants to talk to you.”

You gave Bucky a small smile, “Hey.”

He walked over and dropped down next to you, Steve leaving the two of you to chat, “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” You nodded solemnly.

He added, “For everything, Y/N… he probably wouldn’t even have wanted me here, but –”

You shook your head and took his hand, heart fluttering at the contact. You had always been attracted to him, and it had only grown with every interaction. “That wasn’t you.”

You knew your brother never blamed Bucky, you all knew how it felt to have people mess with your heads and Bucky had had the worst of it. He was furious at Steve for years, but never at Bucky – you could never bring yourself to be angry with either of them, not after the stories you grew up with. Your father had adored the soldiers and you had been one of their biggest fans, and later one of Steve’s closest friends.

There had come a point after the battle between Tony and Steve when you had become sick of all the back and forth. You were lucky enough to find an escape when T’Challa got in touch with you, offering you a chance to come to Wakanda and learn about their technology – you weren’t ashamed to admit that you were the one who contacted him to beg for it. You hadn’t known that Bucky was already there. Slowly but surely, the two of you found comfort in one another and became good friends.  

He gave you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “You should head inside, it’s getting late – I’ll see you again soon.”

He stayed true to that statement, the two of you stood with Sam and Bruce, waiting for Steve to come back after returning the stones – only to have him shatter your hearts.

You only saw Bucky in passing after that, occasionally visiting Steve at the same time – you never said a word to him, beyond a smile or a wave, and then you stopped seeing him all together. You tried, for the sake of your promise to Steve, but he never answered your calls or texts.

“We’ll figure it out together, right, thanks a lot Steve,” You muttered.

You jumped at the sound of your phone ringing, and your shoulders sank a bit when you saw Sam’s name flashing across the screen, “Hey.”

“He’s doing an interview,” You knew exactly who Sam was talking about, “Good Morning America.”

Your stomach turned, “That’s the last thing I want to see.”

“I know, I just thought I’d share my joy with someone,” Sam chuckled, “Any luck with Bucky?”

“I’m just wasting my time at this point,” You could feel the tears returning to your eyes as you said it.

“Hey, come on now, he’ll come around, he just needs some time.”

“Right…”

“Listen, I called because we have a lead, wanna join?”

“Please.”

“I hate it, his stupid face plastered on every wall, it feels like he’s mocking us.”

“Don’t you start, Y/N.”

“Seriously Sam, I get that he’s the new Cap – the fake Cap, but don’t you think that this,” You gestured to the posters around you, “is excessive?”

“It-”

“Shouldn’t have given up the shield.” Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice and your face heated up with anger, you hadn’t realized it was possible to feel such contrasting emotions at the same time, but here you were. You noted that his voice was a bit hoarse and wondered if he had been sick.

“Good to see you too, Buck.”

“This is wrong.”

“So is pushing away everyone who cares about you.” He finally looked at you and you saw shame glistening in those steel blue eyes.

He said nothing before turning back to Sam, “You didn’t know that was gonna happen?”

Wow, ignoring your calls was one thing, but outright ignoring you while you stood in front of him, that caused a different kind of hurt.

You stood in silence as Sam explained where the two of you were headed, trying to push away the pounding in your head, and suddenly, you found yourself in a jet sitting next to Bucky.

“You could have answered, even once. Could’ve at least let me know that you were still alive.”

“I know,” Was all he said.

“We were friends once,” Nothing, “and I still care for you.”

“I know.”

“Four months, a full four months and I didn’t hear a single word from you, I’m going to need more than ‘I know’.”

He sighed, “I’m sorry.”

You could tell that he meant it and didn’t know what more to say, so you got up and headed towards the open door of the plane, “I’ll catch you boys on the ground.”

You watched Sam follow, and considered helping Bucky as he fell through the trees, but you decided against it. He hurt your feelings and now you could call it even.

Super soldiers? How on earth were there more super soldiers?! You didn’t have much time to ponder on the thought as you got kicked in the face by one of them and fell off the semi – definitely should have let Tony make you a helmet like he insisted.

You flew back up only to see him dropping out of a helicopter, Fake Cap, fuck.

“Looks like you guys could use some help,” Your blood boiled at the sight of his cocky grin.

You weren’t winning, and you weren’t stupid enough to continue trying, let Steve’s knock-off take care of it.

You flew off just in time to see Bucky lying on top of Sam, the latter groaned in displeasure.

“Hey, can you gentlemen save the PDA for later?” You joked, earning a glare from both of them.

With the adrenaline slowly draining from your system, the pain from the blows you took started to set in, making you dread the trek in front of you. As if on cue, you heard a horn honking and Fake Cap pulled up next to you, “It’s 20 miles to the airport, you guys need a ride.”

“I think we’re good,” You simply stated.

“You won’t make it with that limp.”

You gave him a crude smile, “I’d rather crawl.”  

They stopped and opened the door, you exchanged a look with Sam and Bucky, silently deciding to join them.

You sat between Bucky and Sam, and felt the anger and disgust radiating off of both of them with every word that was exchanged.

“Y/N Stark,” You despised the way he said your last name, like he wanted to devour you, “You are one of the original seven, I trust you know the importance of having a strong team. I’d suggest giving a word or two of advice to your friends here.”

“Did you really just compare being on a team with you two, to being on a team with the Avengers?” You glowered at him, “A word of advice Walker, you’re not Steve, you might be holding that shield, but you will never be half the Captain America that he was. So quit fucking pretending.”  

“I didn’t realize Stark’s sister had such a mouth on her,” He smirked, he knew exactly what he was doing and as much as you hated to admit it, it was working, “Vicious.”

“Go to hell.”

The ride didn’t last very long after that, and you had no complaints when Bucky demanded them to stop the car.

You opened your eyes and rolled over to see Sam still asleep on the seats across from you, and Bucky was sitting on the large crate in the middle of the jet, “Not tired?”

“Nah,” He shook his head.

You pushed yourself to your feet and hopped up next to him, “You’d think they’d make those seats a bit more comfortable considering the amount of time we spend on these things.”

He chuckled and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence. After a considerable pause he turned to you, “Y/N, I meant what I said earlier, I’m sorry.”

The dark bags under his eyes were a stark contrast from the beautiful blue that you were looking into, which you noted which had lost its luster. You noticed that his voice still had a bit of that hoarseness from earlier in the day, and the dots connected. You remembered how hoarse your voice used to get when you’d wake up screaming from the nightmares after particularly rough missions. You understood why he was awake, he didn’t want you and Sam to see him like that.

You nodded, “I know, I just wish – I was worried sick about you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you Buck, but we were good friends once and I miss you.”

“I wanted to call, it’s just been tough,” He admitted, and you reached over to take his hand, only to quickly pull away as Sam woke up.

“You two okay?”

“Yeah,” You both said. You wondered if Bucky’s super soldier ability allowed him to hear the way your heartbeat picked up from that brief touch.

Your mind was racing a million miles a minute, you had barely kept the tears in listening to Isaiah’s story, both out of anger and sadness. How? How did this happen? How was this man tortured, then brushed under the rug? How did no one know about it? Why the hell did Bucky keep this from you?

Sam mirrored your pained expression, but something darker lurked beneath his eyes, you couldn’t even imagine the rage he felt. The sound of a police siren pulled you out of your thoughts.

Your anger only grew at the argument that ensued, “I am calm, what do you want? We’re just standing here talking.”

“Just give him your ID,” You glared at Bucky as the words left his mouth.

“Why the hell should he? He didn’t do anything wrong!” You growled, at the same time Sam said, “I’m not giving him shit, we were just talking.”

“Hey, hey, look, is this guy bothering you?” The officer asked you and Bucky. Your eyes widened, he can’t be serious right now.

“No, he’s not bothering us, do you know who this is?!”

You couldn’t even stand to look at the guy as his jaw dropped in shock upon realizing who Sam was, you felt your body shake with anger, and you didn’t even want to think what would have happened if Sam hadn’t been an Avenger.

The officer returned from his vehicle and turned the tables, announcing that there was a warrant out for Bucky’s arrest.

Watching him being handcuffed and put into the car shattered your heart, if the events of the day hadn’t already left you feeling nauseous, you knew this would be the nail in the coffin. All you could see was Bucky on his knees with a gun to his head nearly seven year ago when Steve barely prevented T’Challa from killing him and the four of you had been arrested – Tony had been furious with you, but it was the shame in Bucky’s eyes that had hurt you the most, and here you were, witnessing it again.

You reached over a grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed as hard as you could, desperate for a lifeline to keep you from sinking into those painful memories.

You maintained that same grip on the poor man’s hand as you sat at the police station waiting for Bucky to be bailed out, “Sam, Y/N, I’ve heard a lot about you two, I’m Dr. Raynor, I’m James’ therapist.”

The two of you shook her hand and Sam thanked her for getting Bucky out.

“That was not me –”

“Christina!” You’d recognize that voice anywhere from the way it made your skin crawl, fuck, “Good to see you again.”

You clenched your jaw to keep yourself from punching the stupid grin off of his face as he pointed to himself when Dr. Raynor asked him who authorized Bucky’s release. You knew you had a problem with constantly wanting to punch people in the face, it was a trait that ran in the family, but Walker’s face was definitely one of the most punchable ones you had seen – a good ol’ pop in the jaw wouldn’t hurt, right? Just one?

“He’s too valuable of an asset to have him tied up –”

That was it, that was all you were willing to hear, you couldn’t stop yourself from getting in his face and hissing, “Call him that again, and I swear to god Walker, I –”

Sam put his arm around you, hand pressed to your stomach and pulled you back, “Y/N.”

Walker simply smirked and turned back to Raynor, “Do what you have to do and send him off to me. Got some unfinished business, him and I, you too Wilson, and bring your guard dog with you.”

It took everything in your power to keep from snarling at him.  

“James, condition of your release, session now,” The doctor ordered, “You two as well.”

“I’m good, I’ve been to enough therapy,” You shook your head, at the same time Sam said, “That’s okay, I’ll be out here with –”

“That wasn’t a request,” You couldn’t help but chuckle, and decided that you liked this woman.

You and Sam sat on either side of Bucky, facing Dr. Raynor as she got started. You couldn’t help but notice the way Bucky’s eyes shifted and jaw clenched as Sam tried to weasel his way out of the session, and your chest tightened. He looked so tired, and not just the ‘hasn’t slept in a few days’ tired, but more like he was tired of trying – he looked broken.

You decided in that moment that you would try, and not just for Steve, but for the man next to you who had held a piece of your heart before he even knew you, and managed steal that piece away when you had met him years later.

You realized how hard you’d have try when Bucky answered Dr. Raynor’s question with, “In my miracle, he would talk less.”

“Exactly what I was gonna say, isn’t that ironic?” You sighed, so hard.

She turned to you, mimicking the expression on your face, “Y/N, can I trust you to give me a proper answer?”

Try, Y/N, try. You saw a glimmer of hope in Raynor’s eyes as they met yours, but you simply shrugged and looked away, unable to bring yourself to open up, and she let her shoulders fall slightly.

“You guys are leaving me with no choice. It’s time for the soul-gazing exercise. Y/N, you can sit this one out, you get along with both of them well enough.”

You rolled your eyes at the reactions from the boys, this’ll be good. You couldn’t help but chuckle as they got closer to one another, maybe I should have taken part in this exercise. They made eye contact and continued to hold it, you realized what they were doing moments before the doctor did and let out a genuine laugh – earning a glare from Raynor, don’t encourage them she seemed to say.

“James, why does Sam aggravate you? And don’t say something childish.” Your head filled with a hundred different ideas about what stupid things Bucky would come up with, only to have them fizzle away at his cheeky grin towards the doctor, followed by the lick of his lip. It left your throat dry. Snap out of it, Y/N, what’s gotten into you?

He paused for a moment, his expression changing, and turned back to Sam, “Why’d you give of that shield?”

You held your breath, you knew this was going to come up, but weren’t expecting it here. You couldn’t take your eyes off of Bucky, noticing every change in his face, it becoming more pained with every word that left his mouth, and your chest tightening alongside it, until finally, “So maybe he was wrong about you. And if he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me.”

The break in his voice cracked your heart into a million pieces. You looked up, trying to keep the tears swimming in your eyes from falling. You turned your attention towards Sam and noticed the emotion behind his glassy eyes – it was different than anything you had seen in him before, it was almost as though you could see the burden he was carrying on his shoulders, the pressure that was pushing him in every direction.

I have to fix this, you told yourself, you couldn’t stand to see them like this, I have to try.  

Your mind was roaring with thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed that Sam and Bucky had left until Raynor asked, “What would be in your miracle, Y/N?”

You snapped your head towards her, then to the door, you weighed your options and headed towards the latter. You grabbed the handle and stopped, without turning towards her you whispered, “I’d find a home again, and they’d find some happiness.”

You pulled the door open, “Y/N, I don’t think those two things have to be separate.”

Her words swam in your head until you found Bucky and Sam walking outside, Walker and Hoskins storming off in the other direction.

“What’s that all about?”

“Walker being Walker,” Sam shrugged.

“So, what now?”

“Bucky wants to talk to Zemo,” Every memory that you spent years trying to forget came flooding back: Zemo using those words to turn Bucky into the Winter Soldier, who then proceeded to trash the compound and nearly kill you and your friends; watching your family fight each other at the airport and being forced to pick a side; watching the footage of your parents dying; desperately begging your brother and the man who had become your brother not to kill one another.

“You what?!” You gasped.

“Y/N –”

You stepped between the two of them, close enough to Bucky that you had to tilt your head up to look into his eyes, and whispered, “Bucky, no.”

“This might be our only lead, Y/N,” You stared up at him, silently pleading him, he reflected the same in his own, “Please Y/N.”

He took your hand and you instantly melted, “I – fine, but promise me you will be careful.”

“I promise.”

End. 

Read Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 and Part 6

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[letarasstuff]

Making the Voice quieter

(A/N): This was requested by an anon. I hope you like it!

Summary: Spencer finds out about his daughter's eating disorder, he will he react?

Warnings: Angst, discription of an eating disorder (bulemia to be more specific), discription of (binge) eating, bad body image, self hatred, abuse of pills (diet pills)

Wordcount: 2.2k

✨Masterlist✨

______________________________

Prison. Cat. Diana. All those things happened close to each other. Luckily a few months have passed since then and slowly everything settles down. Spencer is able to get his feelings sorted through, processing the events.

Ever since his imprisonment he follows a more or less strict routine, given the uncertainty coming with his job. Spencer still tries to keep it up. So is every Friday dedicated to buying the majority of groceries and needed non food articles.

Sometimes (Y/N) tags along, other days she already has plans with her friends. Her father doesn’t mind it much, he is happy to see her socializing with people her age. The two of them have one father-daughter-night in the week anyways.

“Sweetheart, I’m heading out! Did you put everything you need on the list?” He shouts into the apartment. A faint “Yes! Love you!” echoes back to him. A smile forms on the doctor’s face. Oh how he longed to hear those words from her every night while he laid in his bed, locked up for a crime he didn’t commit. “Alright, love you, too!”

Meanwhile her father has to deal with Karens being their ignorant selfs, (Y/N) is under the biggest stress she has ever been. The end of her sophomore year and suddenly every teacher thinks it’s alright to give the students a load of work in every single class.

It’s beginning to get to her head. Four essays, three projects and studying for two tests and everything is due next week. She can see herself sitting at that very desk for the whole weekend, trying to contain control of her current situation.

As (Y/N) begins to read the page in front of her again to pull any information from it, it feels like her brain shuts down. Only one thought possesses her. One thing that can assure her, make her happy again.

Her body moves automatically, into the kitchen to the fridge. Her hands grab what they can. Puddings, yogurts, bananas, apples, last night’s dinner, everything that she can carry. Then the teenager sits down at the floor and devours everything she just got out. (Y/N) doesn’t stop until she gets to this intense feeling of being full.

It seems like she snaps out of a trance. Upon seeing what she ate in the shortest time, the girl feels even worse. Quickly she tries to destroy any kind of evidence, getting the trash out, making the fridge appear more full than it is, anything.

In her panicked state she remembers the small container of pills in her room. Relief washes over (Y/N), thinking everything will be better. She takes two of them for good measurement.

With the relief also guilt takes over. What just happened wasn’t normal. But (Y/N) tells herself that she can stop any time she wants. It’s not like she is sick or something, everything is fine. It’s just her way to copy stress. A way she discovered while her father was in prison. The diet pills help her to undo her mistakes. Someone from her friend group, who is already 18, got her them from the doctor for a fair price.

Feeling calmer now, the teenager sits back at her desk. A new perception of control helps her to continue her school work. She has to get done as much as possible, because in not even half an hour (Y/N)’s best friend will be the toilet.

Spencer is completely obvious to it. Sure, he is a profiler and he noticed his daughter’s new view on eating healthy food and working out. He just assumes that (Y/N) and her friends are on a healthy trip and he doesn’t see a problem in this. On the contrary, he is happy that she wants to be good to herself and her body.

But as the weeks go on, a suspicious feeling captures him. “(Y/N)? Why is the fridge nearly empty? We got groceries last Friday and it’s only Tuesday. Did you have a party over here while I was away on the case?” Spencer enters his daughter’s room, trying to joke about it.

(Y/N) freezes. Of course she isn’t able to say that the food went bad and she threw them away, her father is meticulous regarding this subject, always checking the best before day date. “Uhm, please don’t be mad. But Alex, you know her, the short one with red hair, uhm her parents are on a business trip and she is not the best cook. So I brought her lunch and dinner over. I’m sorry for not telling you.” She looks down at the floor, not only to feign sadness but also to avoid his eyes.

The second the teenager talks Spencer knows there is something fishy. Her voice is higher and she fidget with her hands. But he writes it off as being nervous for not telling him. Ever since he is out of prison, it feels like his daughter is withholding something.

“It’s fine, Sweetheart. Just give me a heads-up beforehand, so I know to buy more groceries. What do you think about ordering something tonight? I heard from Luke that a small Chinese restaurant opened a few streets down. We can celebrate the end of the stressful phase in Sophomore year.”

It seems like (Y/N) is calculating something in her head. Spencer knows exactly what she thinks about. “You can forget about your calorie intake for one night. I see how much time you invest in living healthy, but we can let loose for a night together. Just some noodles with chicken or spring rolls and us trying to use chopsticks and giving up after two minutes and resorting to forks. How does that sound?”

The teenager would love to sigh, but it would only alarm her father further. “Yeah, you are right. Let us let loose. But only if I can choose the movie we watch after dinner!” (Y/N) feels bad for eating unhealthy food again. Her last binge was only yesterday and usually she tries to consume lighter things. But she has to bite into the sour apple, else her father will be more suspicious. After all, she can just stop. (Y/N) promises herself to not think about her weight, her shape or the calories she will eat.

Well yeah, no. Just after the first noodle hits her tongue, intrusive thoughts take a seat in her mind, getting settled.

‘You already look like a potato.’

‘Are you sure this is the right thing to eat?’

‘Can you really stop?’

‘Dad is going to hate you when he finds out.’

All of them and more enter her head. (Y/N) is unable to shake them off. She is fine. She doesn’t have a problem. She just doesn’t feel like eating now, that’s fine, right?

“Uhm Dad. I’m full and really tired from the day. Is it ok if I go to bed? Maybe we can rain check on that movie?” The girl asks, feeling even worse for ditching her father. Usually it’s the other way around.

“Are you feeling ok? You look a little pale. Are you sick?” Spencer fires his question canone being the borderline helicopter father he always is. “Yes, just really exhausted from all the assignment and school work. A good night's rest and I will be good as new.” (Y/N) attempts a small smile, but fails miserably at it.

“Ok, sleep tight baby. I’ll put the leftovers in the fridge for you tomorrow.” Quickly she goes into her room. The thoughts in her head scream louder and louder with each step she takes. Can she really stop? Maybe she should come clean to her father.

‘And risking him hating you? Look at you, thinking you are sane is the only thing keeping him from abandoning you. How would you explain him keeping you otherwise? It’s definitely not for your looks.’

Later that night, (Y/N) hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep because of the voices, she makes her way back to the kitchen. In an attempt to distract herself, the teenager scrolled through her social media sites. There she was met by pictures of perfect people.

Perfect bodies. Perfect lives. Perfect smiles. Perfect family. Perfect friends. Everything about them is perfect.

And then there is her. Her body is unperfect. Her life is a mess. Her smile is not that of a model. Her family is just her, her father and the people he works with. Her friends aren’t always the best associates.

The stress of not feeling enough is getting to (Y/N)’s head. Like several times before that her body goes into auto. She doesn’t control her movements, though she tells herself all of this is willently.

Like so many times before the girl goes through the fridge and eats everything up she can get her fingers on. But this time one thing is different. Her father is at home. And he isn’t a heavy sleeper.

The movement in the kitchen wakes him up. Immediately his brain jumps to a burglar or even worse, an UnSub they once arrested coming after him. Quickly he gets his revolver and sneaks through the hallway to the source of the noises. As Spencer only sees his daughter sitting there, he instantly relaxes.

“Hey Sweetheart, what are you doing up? It’s a school night”, he softly asks in order to not scare her. Still, (Y/N) gets startled at the sudden voice.

“Uhm, nothing much. Just hungry. Probably because I didn’t eat dinner”, she explains, looking at her father like he caught her with her hand stuck in the cookie jar. Spencer watches her closely. “This is it? Because from what it looks like you not only ate your dinner but also tomorrow’s breakfast and right now lunch.”

(Y/N) swallows her bite, feeling that sinking reality in her stomach. The pills. She needs the pills fast before her body begins to digest the food. “Uhm, yeah. I probably should go to bed. I need my sleep. Just let me tidy up. Good night, Dad.” But he is quick to stop her.

“(Y/N), I want you to sit down. There is something we have to talk about.” Hesitantly (Y/N) takes a seat. “What is it Dad? Are you reprimanding me for eating? I thought you wanted me to let loose for a night.”

Spencer sits, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Baby, I want you to be alright. But I think you are not.” His eyes get a sad look. “I’m alright. I am fine, Dad. What do you think is wrong with me?”

“Look, (Y/N), I don’t need to be a profiler to see that you are struggling with something. Do you want to tell me about it?” Her answer is a tight lipped smile and a “I’m fine. There is nothing to talk about.”

The father sighs. She is not leaving him much of a choice. “And what about them?” Spencer asks after getting something from the highest shelf in the kitchen, the one (Y/N) barely reaches by stepping on a stool. He sets a little container down on the table.

“Dad I-” “No (Y/N). You don’t need to explain anything. It’s my turn to talk. I found those in your room yesterday while I was looking for a book. At first I thought nothing of it, I mean you are trying to live healthy, so I thought this is part of the process. But then I saw that they have to be prescribed and I know that these aren’t yours.

“I wanted to talk about it with you anyway. But now I know that I caught you binge eating and I see all the signs. I see them and I’m sorry for not acting sooner. (Y/N), you need help and I’m here for you. I know the last few months were especially hard on you. I can’t change what was and what happened, but I will be here for you now." Tears stream down on boths their faces.

(Y/N) is stammering for words. “I-I am fine. I can stop anytime I want. Th-this was a conscious d-decision.” Her father envelops her in a hug, cradling her head to his chest. She begins to sob.

“I know, Sweetheart. It’s hard and it won’t get easier from here on, but I’m here. You know you can’t stop, it’s only an illusion your eating disorder wants you to believe. But we get through it together. You, I and the team if you want to. We take it at your pace.” By now the two are crying loudly.

“I want it to stop, Dad. Please make the voice go away.”

He can’t make it go away. No one can. But Spencer helps to quiet it. Together they tackle the disorder, through the good and the bad times. He takes off from work for a time and (Y/N) out of school for a few weeks to be able to work on it together, to make the voice quieter and her life better.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x daughter!reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x teen!reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfiction #x reader #reader insert #x daughter!reader #x teen!reader #tw: eating disorder

[ahoge-fish]

♪ "You don't know what you deserve

And that's why you end up hurt

But you never listen

Take my advice as criticism

Then make the worst decisions

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth

Just count to ten and try to breathe

You stupid bitch, can't you see

The perfect one for you is me?" ♪

Speak up!

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Alexandra said in a hopeful tone, near the door of her and Jotaro's shared apartment, keys in her hand. 

Jotaro remained silent, staring at the black screen of the TV while sitting on the couch. He always had a frown on his face, it was basically his normal expression, but that evening was more evident than usual.  

"...I can wait for you to get dressed." Alexandra said, leaning slightly her weight on her left leg while fidgeting with the keychain attached to her keys. 

"But can he?" Jotaro asked with so much bitterness in his voice while always staring at the black screen, already knowing the answer. 

Alexandra and her boyfriend, Elijah, organized an outing in which all of their shared friends could've joined if they wanted to. In the end, none of them could so it was just Alex and Elijah. 

He and Jotaro didn't get along at all basically from the first moment they laid eyes on each other in the University. Jotaro always tried to get Alex away from that guy, but then their small group of friends formed and it happened that Elijah was one of the girls' best friend of the group. He wasn't happy about that either. 

Jotaro saw how Elijah manipulated all the people around him with his charm and his fake friendliness, but all of the group just said that he thought of that about him just because he didn't like him. Same thing for Elijah: he thought that Jotaro was just some selfish asshole that couldn't even take a joke. 

The group simply tried to get them to go along, but failed miserably. They all didn't want them to go away though, so they had to deal with their bickering. 

Alexandra and even Kakyoin and Yanyu, who were in the same friend group but went to different Universities, were on Jotaro's side. They believed in him, for sure he wasn't coming up with all of that just for attention. All of them even learned to better analyze the people around them after the trip to Egypt, so they also agreed with Jotaro because they saw the same things.

But since Elijah was particularly interested in Alex, he always spent a lot of time with her and in the end it ended up messing with Alex's mind a bit. Because of their moments together, she wasn't fully convinced that he was the type of guy that Jotaro described. But she still had one eye open for him. 

When Alexandra explained the situation to Jotaro, Kakyoin and Yanyu, the first one was the most shocked among the three of them. 

But I mean, it's not like he could've imposed his way of thinking on another person. He was just kinda mad and also a little bit scared to lose her childhood friend, who had some difficulties in rejecting people's confessions. 

So when Alexandra announced to him that she and Elijah got together two weeks ago, Jotaro didn't have the best of reactions. 

"Yes, he can. And if he says something about it, I'll make sure to give him a lesson." Alexandra responded, crossing her arms. 

Jotaro scoffed and lowered his head for a moment. Then he got up and headed towards the kitchen. 

Alexandra remained in her spot for a moment, before hearing running water coming from the sink. She decided to go check what he was doing: Jotaro was just washing an apple that he took from the fruit basket. 

After washing it, he closed the tap and bit on the apple without looking behind him, knowing well that Alex was observing. 

"You'd better go. Don't make your fantastic boyfriend wait." Jotaro said sarcastically, slightly emphasizing the 'fantastic' part. 

Alexandra sighed sadly at that. She knew that he was upset about them being together, but it wasn't like she had eyes just for Elijah and forgot about Jotaro! So what was he upset about?

"So I guess you don't want to come." She muttered, moving her eyes from Jotaro to the pavement. 

"You have such a great intuition." Jotaro said again using sarcasm in his tone, biting the apple again. When he was mad or disappointed, he rarely behaved like he was doing in that moment, so that just made Alexandra more sad. 

"Look, I know you hate him, but why are you acting so coldly with me?" Alexandra said with a slight hurt tone, almost cracking her voice, while getting closer to Jotaro who was still turned around. 

He again remained silent, stopping chewing the piece of fruit in his mouth for a second before starting again and swallowing it. He looked at the sink, staring at the water drops that moments ago came out from the tap. 

His gaze drifted all around the objects in front of him, trying to ignore the stinging sensation in his chest. 

He hated hearing that tone of voice coming out of Alexandra's lips. 

He hated that situation.

He hated that someone took away Alexandra from him again.

He hated that he couldn't speak out his feelings so easily in all of these years, what was blocking him? Probably the fact that she kept getting a boyfriend, and as selfish as it might sound, it was such a relief every time they broke up. 

Was he really the selfish piece of shit like Elijah said for thinking like that? He sure hated seeing Alexandra sad, but the fact that she returned to be single always felt like a happy feeling. 

He wanted Elijah and Alexandra to break up so badly; he was her fourth boyfriend, but that was Jotaro's first time acting like he did in those two weeks because of Alex's boyfriend.

He hated Elijah terribly. 

And loved Alexandra so much.

It was when the freckled called his name again that he finally turned around, but slowly. 

That evening he didn't look at Alex so much, he was minding his own business the whole time she was getting ready, so he only noticed a thing when he was looking at her at that moment. 

"I thought you didn't like that shirt." Jotaro said, giving a quick glance to her shirt and then looking at her eyes. It was too revealing for Alex's tastes, and she was even planning to throw it away or to recycle it for something.

She covered herself with her jean jacket more, looking embarrassed at her side. She looked uncomfortable in that outfit, and that clicked something in Jotaro's mind. 

"Don't tell me you're wearing it just because he likes it." The ravenette said in all seriousness, lowering the apple from his mouth that he was about to bite. 

"What? No! I… I changed my mind. It's pretty cute." Alexandra said, trying to convince not just Jotaro but even herself. She hated that shirt, and sadly what Jotaro said was the truth… She didn't want to admit that though. 

"Stop with the bullshit, you know you're bad at lying. Go change into something you like at least." Jotaro said, grabbing Alex from the arm. The dark ginger snatched her arm from his grip, making him frown more and his eyes widen slightly. 

The ravenette looked into the girl's green eyes for a long moment. 

"What?" Alexandra asked, chuckling drily, and Jotaro started to get more worried about his dear friend. 

She learned a lot from Jotaro about confidence, both in just observing him and actually talking about it with him. But she still had to learn that she couldn't be at everyone's service. 

She was like that: she genuinely wanted to make everyone happy, that's why she almost never said anything that went against people's desires. That meant also going out of her comfort zone.

It's like she didn't care about herself. 

Jotaro sighed heavily. Not because he was disappointed in her, but because he had to somehow cool down from all the anger that was building up in that moment because of her so-called "boyfriend". 

He was the selfish piece of shit.

Didn't he notice her discomfort? It was just such an easy and obvious thing to do for Jotaro, probably because he and Alexandra could communicate so smoothly without using words. Not only thanks to the fact that they have known each other practically for a lifetime, but also because using gestures and facial expressions was their only way of communicating as children, so they were very good at it.

But then Jotaro realized that Elijah didn't know Alexandra like he did, so he probably didn't notice how she felt. But still, couldn't he ask her if she was comfortable with wearing such a revealing shirt?

Or maybe he did notice but didn't give a fuck about it?

Also, when did Elijah even have the occasion to see that shirt? Or worse, seeing her in that?

He was about to see her in that revealing piece of clothing again and Alexandra didn't like that.

And Jotaro didn't like that even.

Thoughts came in the ravenette's mind from left to right, and he didn't have any way to stop them. 

"You didn't answer my question." Alexandra said, starting to get impatient while covering herself again with her jacket crossing her arms. 

"That's not important, you're not going out like that."

"Wha- it's not important?? You've been treating me like shit ever since I told you about me and Elijah! And what does it mean that what's going on between the two of us isn't important?! It is even more important than the relationship with my boyfriend!" Alexandra exclaimed in a hurt tone, squeezing the material in her closed palms to the point of making her knuckles white. "...and I wear what I want, thank you." She hesitantly spoke at the end, almost like a whisper. 

My boyfriend. 

Hearing those two words hurted a lot.

But the thing that relieved him a bit, is that she used 'it is more' and even emphasized the last word, like it was a fact. 

So she really overpowered their friendship over her and Elijah's relationship. 

Jotaro took another bite from the apple in his hand, while staring at Alexandra with his stinging turquoise eyes. 

They didn't break eye contact for what felt like ages, but he could see that Alexandra was getting more and more uncomfortable with that. So he closed them for a second and inhaled. 

"I'm not saying that our friendship isn't important, hell if I thought like that then you were already walking in the streets towards Elijah. What I'm worried about right now is the fact that you are dressed like that against your will." 

Alexandra tried to say something to that, but Jotaro put his palm in front of her, stopping whatever she was about to say. 

When he was sure that Alexandra took his message to not say anything, he lowered his arm. 

"Do you think that I can't see the discomfort in your face? Or in the way you try to cover yourself more?" Jotaro said calmly, making Alexandra gulp. 

"Can we not talk about that for a second, but instead talk about you?" Alexandra said using his same tone of voice, but more worried. "Please?" 

Jotaro remained silent for the third time that evening, showing again that he didn't want- or couldn't talk about himself.

His feelings. 

The two best friends were both so stubborn, putting each other before themselves.

Alexandra knew that what Jotaro was saying was the truth, but she wanted to let him vent and speak about himself and what's been bothering him. Instead, Jotaro thought that what he felt in two weeks was not as important as the fact that Alexandra had to go out of her comfort zone just for a piece of shit. 

She liked trying out new things, but obviously she couldn't like all of them. And she definitely didn't like what she was about to do for Elijah. 

"I know you hate being late, so why are you still here? Go change into some-" 

"Because I care about YOU!" Alexandra exclaimed. 

Well, that was not actually a surprise, but it sure hit his heart in the right places. 

But then again, Jotaro's mind drifted into other thoughts: does not caring about being late mean that she actually didn't want to go out with Elijah? 

No, it was too thought through. But the tone she used when she asked him if he wanted to come confirmed his theory. 

"Can you stop talking about me and actually try to talk about yourself?!" Alexandra desperately said. 

"I'd say the same thing to you." Jotaro coldy responded. 

Alexandra grunted, because she knew she was being inconsistent. But Jotaro was acting like that too!

"Stop, just stop it!" Alexandra said, putting a hand on her hair while moving around the kitchen. "Can't you see that you're the one with the main problem here?! I don't know how much you can do without words in this case, but if you don't want to use them then at least try to show me what I did wrong to make you act like this with me!" The girl said, gesturing at herself. "You didn't even try to do that in these two weeks, but instead you just kept acting coldly with me like I did something horrible to you! I've been patient for all of this time, and I would've understood your behavior if I did something wrong, but I didn't and all of this is pissing me off!" 

Jotaro kept staring at her instead, while she was trying to cool herself down by taking a deep breath. 

After all Alex didn't do anything bad to him like she said, so why was he acting like that?

Was it because he was jealous? Probably, he was tired of seeing other people take Alexandra away from him. But then he had to be mad at those people, so why was he treating her like shit? 

Maybe because she couldn't see him?

While in his thoughts, he bite the apple unconsciously. From the outside he looked like he didn't give a fuck, zoning out and ignoring her best friend while eating nonchalantly an apple. 

But in his mind, there was a big brainstorming going on. 

"And stop eating that fucking apple like you don't give a fuck!" Alexandra exclaimed irritably, making the boy avert his gaze from somewhere in the room to the angry eyes in front of him.  

Jotaro lowered the apple from his mouth and put it on the counter behind him. Alexandra usually didn't care when Jotaro did other things during their discussions, because she knew that he was always thinking about her same subject. 

This time she did, probably out of frustration, because she was sick of the situation they were in. 

She simply wanted to know what she did wrong. 

"Were you doing it out of spite? Did you really get down to such low levels?" The angry girl asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Why would I do it out of spite-"

"Ooooh so there's another reason for that?! Like, you weren't treating me like shit just because I made a decision that made me be the asshole's girlfriend, and that was 'a way to make you understand' that my decision was fucking stupid?!" Alexandra exclaimed, trying to mimic a deep voice in between the quotation marks. She started to build up more anger as the time passed, making her speak loudly. 

But even Jotaro didn't know why he acted so coldly towards her in those two weeks. 

Well, maybe because he wanted her attention? He wanted her to finally notice him? 

Jotaro thought that those reasons were too pathetic, so he slightly shook his head to send them away for then looking at Alex. 

"So you finally understood that yours was a dumb decision." Jotaro said, ever so slightly raising his voice to make her understand that he didn't like her yelling. 

But with that phrase he also did want to try something.

"You- oh my fucking god, so in the end that was out of spite?! Well thank you, I already knew that the time I acted like a fucking weakling when he asked me to be his girlfriend!" Alexandra finally admitted out loud, making her exhale sharply and shaky breaths. 

Bingo. 

Jotaro shifted position a bit, now having both of his hands in his pockets. He looked down with his eyes closed while he was laying himself against the counter. 

He at least managed to make her admit the situation to herself. 

He then looked up to Alex, who was staring somewhere in front of her. He could see her eyes getting glossier and reddish, while blinking to focus her vision. Her lower lip instead twitched now and then. 

God he hated so much seeing her like that. 

At that moment he wanted to hug her, while caressing her head and playing with her long wavy hair and her rebel big tuft that popped out from it. 

But he knew that if he acted like that in that moment, she would've shooed him away.

"No, no no no no…" Alexandra whispered to herself with her hands covering her face, while walking around the room a bit; Jotaro's eyes always focused on her movements. 

She remained still in front of the window, until she looked up at the ceiling for a second before turning again towards the tall ravenette. 

Alexandra stared at him for a couple of seconds, before walking slowly towards him with her index finger up. 

"Don't you dare make this discussion about me. Because if you didn't act like an asshole for these two weeks, everything would've been fine between us and this discussion wouldn't exist. But you've created the problem and so we talk about YOU, not ME." Alexandra said slowly and firmly, raising her tone of voice when emphasizing some words. 

"Well, this is also about you if you think about it." Jotaro said calmly, making Alexandra lower her index finger and clenching the same hand into a fist.

"Just stop trying to make this all about me!" Alexandra said irritated, lowering her fist with such force that she unintentionally punched her thigh, making her hiss slightly. 

"Okay smartass. Since my decision is my own fucking business, you'd better start talking about the problem you've created that involves the BOTH-" Alex said making an imaginary circle in the air with both her hands "-of us!!" 

"Do you understand that you're the real source of all of this?" Jotaro said firmly, frowning slightly more. 

"ME?! Oh yes, so now I'M the reason for putting myself in a bad situation. And that's true! That's totally true, but I am NOT the reason for YOUR problem that YOU'VE created! And yet here we are!!" Alexandra furiously gesticulated to match her words. 

"Yes, you're the fucking reason for my problem!" Jotaro exclaimed, getting out his hands from his gray sweatpants out of frustration. He was slowly getting enough of this situation too.

"Well I'm sorry, but how the fuck could've I know that if you don't fucking tell me why?!" 

"Because I-" Jotaro exclaimed, only to stop in the middle of his sentence. 

That was a close one. 

"Because what? You're jealous?" Alexandra said slowly, emphasizing each word. 

"No." Jotaro said, trying to keep his cool. 

"Then why?!" Alexandra said exasperated.

But Jotaro remained silent, putting his hands in his pockets again, looking away from the girl. 

Alexandra chuckled sarcastically at that. "Oh so you don't even know? That day you just went 'yeah okay I'll start to treat her like shit because why not'!!" She said, making her arms go limp out of annoyance after that. 

Jotaro sighed in frustration, running his hand in his hair and staying like that for a moment. 

"Okay, no I understand. Well, yeah maybe you get tired of me after like- about 17 years that we've known each other!" 

Jotaro closed his eyes and frowned more, trying to contain his instincts. He wanted to tell her that was not true, but it would've come out in an angry tone that didn't want to use with Alex. 

But Alex noted that he was being silent after her statement, so she began to brainstorm in the worst way.

"...then probably all of the story that you're 'worried' about me is bullshit! Who knows what I did to you for making you feel like that towards me!"

Why would've Jotaro use an angry tone if he talked to her at that moment? Because he was mad at himself, for what he did in these two weeks and for what he was doing now.

But he kept remaining in silence, because he didn't want to make Alex think that his tone was because of her. He was just very angry at himself.

"Am I annoying? Am I too loud? Too emotional? Too much for you?" 

'No, you're perfect.' Jotaro thought. He at least could've said that!

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier? We could've avoided buying an apartment together!" 

'But I want to be with you.' She can't read minds, Jotaro!

"Because you didn't want me to 'whine' about it? Well, yeah I would've been sad but I would've respected your decision!" Her eyes started to become glossy again from the tears forming in her eyes.

'What are you talking about?' Come on, just tell her those three words that you always wanted to say to her! 

"It was sooo much better that way instead of doing what you did this time!"

If you won't say something now she'll keep thinking that what she's saying is the truth!

"It would've been calmer, we could've talked about it like we usually do!" 

You know that what she's coming up with it's not true! So why are you letting her say all of those things?

"It would've been better if you told me that way that you were sick of me instead of creating this situation!" Alexandra's voice cracked and she let tears fall from her sad eyes.

You fucked up real bad.

"But probably you were so sick of me that- I don't you, wanted to see me in tears?! Well, congratulations!" Alexandra said, shakingly gasping for some air. The girl then started sobbing, after seeing that Jotaro didn't even flinch at her words.

He just frowned slightly more, because he really didn't want to make her cry. 

But then why wasn't he saying something? Anything!

Was it because he was…

Scared?

Scared of losing her if he said to her those three words?

Alexandra sniffed and turned around, walking fastly away from the kitchen. 

When hearing her footsteps, he opened his eyes and snapped his head towards her walking figure.

And then finally, the fear that was blocking him from saying anything was immediately replaced with adrenaline. 

He would've totally lost her if he didn't say anything now. 

He took long steps and rushed to his best friend that was heading towards the door. He then quickly grabbed her wrist, unintentionally using too much force. 

And because of that, she made a hurted moan escape her lips. But Jotaro ignored that.

He was too scared of letting her go. 

"What the hell do you want now?!" Alexandra yelled angrily, trying to get off Jotaro's strong grip.

Say something!!

Jotaro pulled her close to him, making her trip. But she fortunately grabbed the material of his black tank top with her other hand, avoiding her from falling on the ground. 

Then, at the speed of light, he put his free hand on the side of Alex's face, pulling it closer to his and, from what it seemed like forever, finally did the thing that wanted to do for a very long time. 

He kissed her. 

Or do something, I guess. 

It was a very firm kiss, just lips touching. Alexandra's eyes were wide, and they kept moving around Jotaro's face, which instead had his eyes shutted tight.

The girl felt her face growing hotter within the seconds, and Jotaro could've felt that under his hand. At that, he let his face grow hotter too, and now the two of them looked like two tomatoes smashed on each other. 

He finally let go with a loud smack, a sound that made the two best friends more embarrassed. 

Jotaro and Alex stared at each other speechless, creating for what was practically the first time in their life, an uncomfortable silence between them. 

Jotaro's eyes were wide, and the color of his irids made a nice contrast with the red color of his chiseled face that grew hotter and hotter. Alexandra's eyes were wide too, but she also had her lips pressed together. Same thing goes on with her soft, freckled cheeks. 

But another common but also significant thing that was going on between the two of them, was that their pupils were so dilated that they almost made their eyes go black.

They took notice of each other's body language, and luckily from there the silence slowly became a comfortable one. 

Alexandra and Jotaro were slightly breathing heavily, because there was a tempest of emotions and realization inside their bodies. 

Jotaro's grip on Alex's wrist became loose, but he kept contact with her, never letting her go. 

Alexandra relaxed her lips and made her eyes drift lower, to the point of where his hand meets her wrist. She gently pulled it away, making Jotaro's eyebrow slightly twitch in worry. But then, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it slightly, making the boy relax. 

The dark ginger smiled softly, always looking down at their hands. She shyly took a step closer to the ravenette, making their bodies almost touch. 

Alex let go of Jotaro's hand and tank top and suddenly hugged him, hiding her face in his chest. Jotaro shyly and hesitantly put his slightly shaking and scarred arms around her, hugging her back. 

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, just enjoying each other's warmth, relaxing a bit their emotions.

"You're an idiot." Alexandra said out of the blue, her voice muffled by Jotaro's tank top. 

"And you're too creative." Jotaro responded, making Alexandra chuckle. He smiled at that, squeezing his arms around her more, action she returned.

He missed hearing her laugh.

After a while, she raised her face and laid her chin on his broad chest, making him look down. He could finally see, after two weeks, her sweet and beautiful smile on her lips again. 

Lips that minutes ago kissed. 

That thought made him blush again and he looked away, making the girl in his arms giggle. He looked back at her and let a small smile grow on his lips. 

"I'm… I'm sorry for yelling at you like that. And for saying all of that none-sense…" Alexandra said, now laying her cheek on his chest. She then felt a big hand patting her head gently, caressing it and twirling its finger between her soft hair. 

"Don't. I'm the one that has to say sorry for treating you like shit for two weeks." Jotaro said in a low voice, starting to caress her small back too with his other hand. "I don't even exactly know why…"

In reality he kinda did, but he didn't want to say that to her. At least not yet. It just seemed like a stupid reason to him.

Yeah he loved her and he's happy that it finally happened, but it wasn't like he craved her attention after seven years of crushing on her.

...right?

"I mean, it happens when you see your crush getting with someone else. You were jelly-jealous this time." Alexandra said, chuckling at the end. That made Jotaro blush again and he grunted lightly, frowning more. Alexandra smirked at that, and Jotaro could feel her cheek rising through the fabric that was separating their skin.

Even with her exes Jotaro was obviously jealous, but he didn't show it. Or at least that was what he thought… and evidently it wasn't like that. 

Sure, it made him happy seeing her happy, but there was always that bitter taste in his mouth that made him also jealous. 

"Well, but I deserved that for not listening to you. It ended up putting me in a bad situation." Alexandra said softly with regret in her voice, playing with the fabric of his tank top.

"It's not like you didn't listen to me, you said earlier that in reality you wanted to reject his confession. But yet you didn't do it to avoid making him sad..." Jotaro said, bringing his hands on the side of Alexandra's face and gently raising it up to look at him. Her face looked a lot smaller in his big and bulky hands. 

"You're too good for this world." Jotaro said, making it almost sound like a whisper. He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs, wiping away the remains of Alexandra's tears on her blushing face. 

"That means you're gonna kill me now?" Alexandra said jokingly, making Jotaro snort. She laughed too, placing her tiny hands on top of his. 

"Well, it depends on how you're going to react…" Jotaro said, moving some hair from Alexandra's face and putting them behind her ear. "...to this." 

Jotaro brought both of their faces close to each other, and he caressed Alexandra's lower lip with his thumb, before leaning in and locking their lips together. The girl slowly closed her eyes, before starting to kiss him back. 

Theirs was a long overdue kiss; it was as if Alexandra's lips were a piece of a puzzle that after trying other incompatible ones, finally found the piece that matched hers.

Although Jotaro was apparently a very brusque and rough person, at that moment he was handling Alexandra as if she was a porcelain doll. His plump lips gently lay on those of the girl which were slightly thinner, breaking away from time to time in order to continue giving her many little kisses.

The kisses continued, and every time the lips touched a little sparkle was created, all so quietly and shyly. But a thousand emotions were exploding in their minds and hearts that affected their bodies, making them start to act more eagerly.

Alexandra moved her hands to rest them on Jotaro's muscular forearms, and then slowly crawled up to the nape of his neck, where they rested and with her fingers began to play with his short hair. By doing this she narrowed the distance between the two, making the kiss more intense.

Jotaro moved his hand behind the girl's head, while he let the other wander around her back. He tilted his head slightly to one side, and Alexandra did the same to the other side.

This angle intensified their kiss, turning the little sparks into bigger ones and the two finally let go of their shyness.

Alexandra was the more experienced of the two, so when she bit Jotaro's lower lip it took him a few seconds too long to understand the girl's intentions. But Jotaro did not get them, but it certainly made him snap something in his mind, so he continued to kiss her as he was doing before only more passionately. The girl giggled in the kiss, deciding to lick the boy's lips to give him some more clues.

Jotaro freezed on the spot, flustered by the intimate and sensual action that Alexandra had performed. He began to feel shy, plus the wave of emotions made his mind fog a little and they didn't let him think too clearly. 

Alexandra then decided to break away from the kiss, giggling. Jotaro looked at her flustered, repeating in his mind over and over again the feeling of her tongue on his lips. 

He wanted to feel it again. 

"What? Are you embarrassed?" Alexandra said, chuckling, making Jotaro blush more. She thought that his reaction was really cute, after all that was his first time kissing someone. 

But then Alexandra realized: she was his first kiss! This thought made her feel butterflies in her stomach, and she smiled sweetly at him. 

"You have a lot to learn about kissing…" Alexandra muttered, while twirling his short curls between her fingers, pulling them just enough to make Jotaro lightly growl. He pulled her against his chest, laying his chin on her head as a way to 'shut her up'. 

"Looks like I was the one killing you~" The freckled girl said, making the ravenette's heart beat faster and making heat build up in his cheeks. Again.

He was so embarrassed…

Jotaro initially was so confident in thinking that he could've made her blush and act shy for him, but it turned out to be the other way around. 

Instead, Alexandra thought that he was so cute!! 

She giggled at his manners, hugging him tightly. Now it was Jotaro who played with her hair, something that she gladly made him do. She then started drawing circles on the nape of his neck, making goosebumps rise on the boy's skin. They again remained like that for a couple of minutes, but this time Jotaro's mind drifted into some thoughts that made him worry. 

"What's up, big boy?" Alexandra said curiously, making Jotaro snap out of his thoughts. He noticed that while he was thinking, he was also slightly pulling the girl's hair; probably the reason why she asked him that question.

He let go of her hair, sighing. The boy put his hands on the girl's shoulder, making her break away from the hug. She looked up at him questionably, raising an eyebrow at him. He looked nervous. 

"Do you… accept this? Honestly." Jotaro said in a serious tone. He didn't want to put Alexandra in the same situation that she was with Elijah; who knows if the same happened with her other exes too! But either way, he was ready to take no as an answer. 

He just wanted to make her feel happy, even if that meant seeing with her another man that truly loved.

...maybe he wasn't so ready to take 'no' as an answer.

But he didn't know that Alexandra developed feelings for him too for a long time, she was just as confused as him. There were moments when they tried to open up to each other in this field, but both of them were just too scared to even start...

But after that deadly fight in Egypt with Anubis, Alexandra started to understand more about her thoughts towards Jotaro.

And this moment just confirmed them.

Alexandra smiled softly at him, raising her hand to place it on top of Jotaro's cheek. He was standing still the whole time, while his heart melted at the sight in front of him. 

"Jojo… do I look like I don't agree to this?" The girl said sweetly, making Jotaro let go of the breath he was holding. He made his face lean into Alex's palm, and so she caressed his scarred cheek with her thumb; both of them smiling.

Alexandra went on her tiptoes to place a quick and soft kiss on Jotaro's lips, a kiss that he wished that lasted longer. So he leaned his face closer to hers, continuing it. 

Her lips and kisses were so addictive, he really wanted to kiss her 24/7. He placed both of his hands on her hips, noticing the fact that he could've almost made his hands touch from how small she was compared to him. That made him feel kinda giddy, and so he smiled in the kiss.

Alexandra placed her other hand on Jotaro's other cheek, continuing to kiss him sweetly. She then soon after broke the kiss again, making Jotaro groan. She smirked at him for that, making Jotaro look away from embarrassment. 

"Your lips taste like apples, needy boy~" Alexandra commented with a teasing tone, earning a pinch on her side from the 'needy boy'. She squealed and laughed at that, squishing Jotaro's cheeks and then planting a big peck on his plump lips. 

"Yoush like peaches." He said through squished lips. Alexandra chuckled at that and relaxed his cheeks, now only resting her hands on them.

"I have to teach you how to kiss. Not that you're bad at it! You're actually pretty good for doing it for the first time. But there's a next level to what you can do. You're a fast learner tho, so it won't take too long." Alexandra said, letting go of his cheeks to place her hands on his big shoulders. 

"What's a kiss?" Jotaro said bluntly, making Alex's mouth open in disbelief. He smirked at her, making her wheeze at his bold attempt of flirting. 

"Oh, I didn't expect that! Good one, good one." Alexandra said, shaking her head. "But you're lucky you have a patient teacher for that. You'd better take notes!" Alexandra said, winking and making finger guns at him.

Jotaro laughed lightly at that, ruffling her hair afterwards. 

That evening took such an awesome turn.

#jotaro kujo #alexandra parker #I'VE FINALLY FINISHED THIS OMG YOU GUYS THE PROBLEMS I HAD WITH IT #also welcome my new tag! #•🐠's One-Shot• #TA-DAAAA SO PRETTY!! #also this was supposed to be for valentine's day buuuuuuuuuut- #also I want to do more of those thingy with the lyric of a song but I'm bad at it so I won't do it so often sob sob #•🐠's comics•

[cacoetheswriting]

lonely this christmas

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Warnings: mild mild cursing, mainly just fluff !!! Word Count: 2.9k Summary: Reader admits to Spencer she will be spending the holidays alone but he’s got other plans.

A/N: starting off the month of december with a christmas centred fic!! hope you like it <3

-

Being alone on Christmas wasn’t unfamiliar to Spencer. In fact it was pretty much the opposite. Being alone on Christmas was typical, ordinary. 

The nature of his job being what it was, he usually ended up working over the holidays anyway. Therefore he never made any plans with his mom because most times he just ended up disappointing her. Being alone at Christmas was fine. Being a disappointment however, completely different story.

As years went by Diana stopped noticing his absence. Of course if Spencer was to visit her at the sanitarium over Christmas she would welcome him with open arms, but he never does. He used to feel incredibly guilty about it, but that too passed with time. 

There was no indication that this year would be any different so he kept his schedule clear. However, the twenty-fifth of December approached fast. Very fast. The closer it got the more it was shaping to be the first holiday season, in a long time, the team would get to spend with their families. And even Spencer found himself considering going home to Nevada; seeing his mom. 

A tab of the airline website was constantly open on his desktop. He checked it regularly; hovering over the option to buy a ticket. 

That’s how you caught him one day. 

You observed from your own desk as Spencer leaned back in his chair, one hand still holding the mouse. The wheels inside his brain clearly turning; evaluating all of the options and possible outcomes.

“Hey, doctor.” You called out grabbing his attention. “If you spend any more time thinking about whether you should go home for Christmas, all the good seats will be gone.” 

He chuckled. “I guess you’re right.” “As always.” You shot him a playful wink as he turned to once again look at his screen. 

“There. Bought.” Spencer exclaimed after a brief moment of silence. “My mom will be happy.” “When was the last time you seen her?” You asked curiously. “It has been more than six months at this stage.” He answered while standing up. 

“Coffee?” He gestured to the empty mug on your desk. You nodded. “You read my mind.” 

The two of you walked towards the kitchenette in the office. It was quite late on a Friday night meaning everyone had cleared out for the weekend. Only the usual suspects remained; Spencer and you.

“When was the last time you were home for Christmas?” “Three years ago. How about you?” Spencer asked, tilting his head slightly to look at you. “Oh, I honestly don’t even remember.” You replied shrugging your shoulders.

“So your family must have been happy to hear you were getting the chance this year to spend the holidays with them.” The brunette doctor switched on the coffee machine and leaned against the wall while you elegantly hopped up onto the counter. 

“Actually, I didn't tell them.” 

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows. “How come?” 

He watched intently as you chewed on your bottom lip - a bad habit you failed miserably to break. In that second of silence you wondered whether you should tell him the truth. He was always so open with you, honest. It would only be fair to repay him with the same sincerity. So you took in a quick breath, and exhaled it quietly before looking up to meet his amiable gaze. 

“My mom and I got into this huge fight a couple of weeks ago. She tried to set me up with this guy because in her eyes it’s unacceptable that I’m single. She doesn't think it’s right that my younger sister is getting married next summer and I haven't had one relationship in my life that lasted longer than a month.” A soft sigh escaped you. “I told her to butt out, using much harsher language than that of course.” Your mouth twirled into a smile; trying to make light of this conversation. Being no stranger to your frequent use of profanity Spencer smirked. 

“We haven't spoken since. She hasn't formally invited me over for the holidays which she always does, even if she knows I won’t be able to make it, and whenever I bring it up with my dad or my siblings they change the topic so.” You shrugged once again while nervously dangling your legs. “It’s easier not to go.” 

Spencer nodded slowly, taking in all of the information you just unloaded. Shaking your head you reached over to grab the coffee pot and poured some into your mug. 

“I’m sorry doctor. I didn’t mean to just lay it all on you like that.” 

He stepped towards you. “Don’t be.” Holding his own cup in front of him, he smiled kindly. “Thank you for telling me.” You began to pour the black hot liquid into his mug; a slight shake to your hand. “Thank you for listening.” “Anytime.”

Spencer placed his full cup on the counter beside you and began to rummage through the cupboards in search for sugar. “Y/N I gotta ask, and obviously if you don't want to answer me you don't have to.” He cleared his throat as you took a sip of your bitter black coffee. “Why didn’t you want to go on a date with the man your mom suggested?” 

Once he successfully located the sugar, he straightened his shirt and plopped two cubes into the hot beverage. He offered you one but you shook your head, taking another sip. 

“I get that it’s not really my place but it just seems a small price to pay for being able to spend Christmas with your loved ones.” 

“If you must know doctor, I prefer to meet people through work. Prison systems and such.” You joked, a wide smile gracing your features. Spencer rolled his eyes. “And how is that going for you?” “Surprisingly well. I have a date shortly after we’re back from the Christmas break.” He arched his brow and smiled at you; playing along as you continued. “Solid guy. Only murdered five people.”

You beamed at the brunette doctor who was grinning back. “Maybe I should consider adding prisons to my dating pool.” You let out an over-exaggerated  gasp and placed your free hand over your chest. “Is doctor Spencer Reid really on the market?” 

Spencer shook his head. His light curls bouncing finely, matching his every move. He lowered his lips to the brim of his mug and took a sip of his coffee before focusing on you. “No, but for the right girl I’d consider it.” 

Without thinking you raised your free arm and adjusted his tie. Flattening down the edge of his collar, you could feel his eyes on you. Yet for some reason you were suddenly afraid to look up and meet his gaze. Strange. Or maybe not so strange.

“Lucky girl.” You said in a mere whisper. Letting your hand fall, you stepped off the counter with a light bounce. Spencer cleared his throat and the two of you walked back to your seats. 

The next few hours were spent working in silence. You tried to focus on the mountain of paperwork on your desk, yet instead found yourself glancing at the young doctor every other second - secretly hoping he would also be peeking up at you. And he was. Just not when you were looking at him.

“Y/N if you want you can come with me to Nevada, spend Christmas with me and my mom. ” Spencer proposed out of the blue. He got up out of his chair and grabbed his jacket, slowly putting it on. You smiled at him. “Thank you doctor but I will honestly be okay alone.” Pause. “Plus, I wouldn't want to interfere.” 

He was about to protest, say you wouldn't be interrupting, but he bit his tongue. He didn't want to seem pushy. “If you change your mind, let me know.” He reached for his bag and threw the strap over his head. “Just do it quickly or all the good seats will be gone.” He teased. You giggled. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. ” 

The brunette agent hesitated. He swayed on his heel for a moment before approaching your desk. “Can I give you a ride home?” He asked, eyes locking with yours. “There’s still a couple of things I want to get done but thank you for the kind offer.” Spencer nodded. A faint look of disappointment appeared on his face. “Goodnight Y/N.” “Goodnight doctor.” 

Christmas was upon you in the blink of an eye. On the last day before break the team exchanged Secret Santa presents before enjoying a pizza party. This year you had Penelope who squealed over her gift as everyone watched in amusement; you included. Resting against the wall, you observed as the blonde jumped around the room with joy. Her smile made you smile. 

“Good job on Penelope’s gift.” Spencer appeared beside you holding two plastic cups filled to the brim with eggnog. He handed you one before making himself comfortable next to you, his arm pressed gently to yours. “I don’t know what you're talking about doctor.” You responded, tilting your head slightly to look at him. 

“I like your Christmas sweater.” A small smile circled your lips as you reached out to flick the little bell sown onto the top of the Santas hat on his jumper. Spencer chuckled. “Thank you. You know, I really couldn't decide between this or the one with the Home Alone reference.” “Ah, the trusted Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal sweater.” “That would be the one, yes.” The two of you beamed at each other. 

“I’m surprised you know what Home Alone is doctor.” You teased, nudging him playfully in the arm. Spencer laughed. “If I’m being honest, I was more intrigued by the booby traps than the plot of the movie.” He retorted as you sipped on the eggnog; slightly rolling your eyes at his response. “Of course you were. Don’t tell me you tested them out too?” 

He averted his gaze without responding, clearly a little embarrassed. “Well...” 

You couldn't help but giggle. Slowly, you leaned in towards him so that your lips were now at his ear. The brunette agent shivered as your hot breath hit his skin, however he didn't move away. 

“Don’t worry doctor, I did too.” You whispered. 

Instantly, he turned to look at you once again. His face was now inches away from yours, and as he stared oddly into your eyes the air caught in your throat. The two of you hovered right there for a moment, not moving and quite soundless, simply feeling each other's presence - as if there was no-one else in the room, no party. 

Eventually you broke the eye contact and took a step to your right, moving away from him. Suddenly feeling timid, you took another sip of your beverage while your free hand ran through your hair. Spencer also looked away. His mind racing a million miles per hour; he should have kissed you, right? No. Not in front of all these people, your colleagues. That would be bad. Unprofessional. Would you have even wanted him to kiss you? Did you like him like that? He hoped you did.

The party soon drew to a close. You were lost in conversation with Emily while Spencer was trying to teach Morgan and Rossi some card tricks. Your gaze kept averting in the direction of the young doctor every once in a while; Emily of course noticed. “Tell me again why you’re not going to Nevada with our resident genius?” A puzzled look now present on your face. “How did you-” 

“Reid told Morgan who told Garcia who told me.” She interrupted. You laughed at the ridiculousness of what she just came out of her mouth. “It’s like I’m in high school all over again.” She laughed under her breath.

There was a brief moment of silence.

“So, why aren’t you going?” Emily pried. A quiet sigh escaped your lips. “Like I told him, I don’t want to interfere.” She rolled her eyes; not buying into your bullshit. “He wouldn't have invited you-” “Fuck, please I don’t want-” She raised her hands in front of her. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” 

Glancing at the time, you excused yourself wishing Emily a wonderful and happy Christmas. Quickly and quietly, you headed to your desk and put on your winter coat. As you grabbed your handbag you turned to face the remaining partygoers: “Happy holidays everyone!”. Your eyes briefly locked with Spencers who shot you a shy smile as you mouthed ‘Merry Christmas doctor.’ before hurrying out the door. 

Two days later it was the twenty-fifth of December. You woke up on your couch, having fallen asleep during Christmas movie marathon, to the sound of your phone ringing. 

Yawning, you reached for the device. Spencer. Answering, you pressed it to your ear and croaked; “Hello.”. 

“I hope I didn't wake you.” “You did actually.” You responded yawning once again and gradually scrambling to your feet. You ambled towards the kitchen, straight for the coffee maker. “But I could never be mad at you doctor.” “I’m glad to hear that.” 

There was a short pause.

“How are you?” He asked, his voice kind. “I’m okay, no need to worry about me. Shit-” “Y/N?”

“Sorry. I just realised I’m out of coffee grounds.”

Spencer chuckled on the other line. “It’s not funny doctor. I’ve no coffee and everything is closed because it’s Christmas.” “You could always switch to tea for the day.” Rolling your eyes, you smirked. “Right, because I’m such an avid tea drinker.” 

There was another short pause.

“How was your flight? How’s Nevada? How’s your mom?” You asked changing the topic, making conversation. The young doctor didn't respond. “Hey, are you there?” The line cut-off. Weird.

‘He’ll call back later.’, you thought and headed for your bathroom.

An hour later you were showered and dressed. You switched on the lights on your poorly decorated Christmas tree and were about to make yourself comfortable on the sofa when a knock on the door caught your attention. You scurried over, without looking through the peephole to see who it was, you opened it.

“Spencer.” 

“Merry Christmas Y/N.” 

The brunette doctor smiled as you furrowed your brows. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Nevada.”

“I was. I got back early this morning.” 

He waited for you to invite him in before shimmying passed. He set down two tote bags on the kitchen counter before turning to look at you once again. Lost for words, you locked the door and approached the young doctor. Slowly you peeked inside the bags. “Supplies.” He simply stated while taking off his coat. 

“You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?” 

Your heart skipped a beat. “You didn't have to do this doctor.” “I know.” He shrugged before reaching into one of the bags and unpacking the items. “I wanted to.” He held up a bag of coffee grounds and you couldn't help but giggle delicately. 

“Thank you.” Your fingers brushed his as you grabbed the bag sending a shiver down your spine. Spencer froze feeling the sensation too. Nervously, he let his hand fall but the half-smile on his face remained. 

“Where did you get this stuff anyway?” You asked as you walked around to the coffee machine. “I packed what I had at home.” Nodding, you began to prepare two cups. As the appliance whirred, you turned in your spot. “What about your mom? Wouldn't she have wanted to spend Christmas Day with you?” 

Spencer continued to unpack the bags, neatly placing each item on the counter in front of him. “We spent all of yesterday together.” Pause. “And besides, she’s the one that urged me to come here.” He peered up at you, resting his palms down on the kitchen counter. The second his hazel eyes locked with yours, the flush of your cheeks turned a slender pink. 

Not really thinking you ushered back towards him. The brunette doctor watched you attentively. Gently, you placed one hand on top of his and gave it a tender squeeze. “Lucky me.” You whispered staring deep into his eyes. 

Spencers smile spread wider in unison with yours. After a few seconds of pure comfortable silence, he cleared his throat. “Do you think your prisoner boyfriend would mind if I asked you out on a date?” A faint giggle escaped your lips as the shade of your jowl turned from pink to bright red. “Even if he does-” You took another step towards Spencer, closing the space between you. “-I think you could handle him.” 

Spencer chuckled. Using his free hand, he placed a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. His thumb stroked your cheek in the process and you angled into his pleasant touch. 

“Thank you for being here.” You muttered, unintentionally chewing on your bottom lip. 

He cupped your face as his gaze moved briefly down to your mouth before once again locking with yours. “Thank you for having me.” His voice soothing, not quite matching the fervour in his eyes. 

In the space of a single heartbeat, he leaned down and his lips crushed against yours passionately. You let go of his hand and placed both your palms on his chest; tugging lightly at his shirt to try and pull him in even closer. Spencer did not waste a second, his now free arm moved elegantly around your waist.

The two of you pulled away breathlessly. He gently pressed his forehead to yours as you smiled. “Merry Christmas doctor.” “Merry Christmas Y/N.”

-

masterlist

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #dr spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid x you #dr spencer reid x y/n #christmas fic #christmas headcanon #christmas fluff

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Gang of Secrets

Well... I'll give this episode one thing. It's better than what we got from both “Truth” and “Lies”, and it did do one of the things I hoped the writers would tackle this season. That's not saying much, but I'll take what I can get.

Let's get into the fourth (chronologically the third) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Gang of Secrets

We start off right after an Akuma battle, and while Cat Noir is eager for their victory fist bump, Ladybug seems to be on edge, insisting that they go on patrol. Cat Noir thinks of a place that they can relax at without talking... and he chooses to take Ladybug to see a romantic comedy.

We're not even a minute in, people, and it already looks like Ladybug is considering using her authority as Guardian to take away Cat Noir's Miraculous.

Ladybug goes on a brief tangent summarizing what happened with Luka (which conveniently happens to reflect the events of the movie), and naturally isn't happy with the movie. Gee, it's almost like Cat Noir's plan was a bad idea. He seriously tries the whole “pretend to yawn as an excuse to put his arm around Ladybug” trick, so you can't tell me he didn't have romantic intentions here.

Why Kagami couldn't accept Adrien's “true self” is beyond me.

After storming out of the movie theater, Cat Noir tries to emphasize with Ladybug (key word being “tries”) by going on about how “he knows what a broken heart is like”. At least he didn't ask if she was single now. Ladybug decides to go for a swim, but we cut back to Marinette's house, with Ladybug in her aqua form, implying she went to the pool while still transformed. And here's a big problem with the episode. In theory, I like the idea of Marinette stressing over her new responsibilities, as it could lead to some interesting plotlines. The problem is that when we get something like that in this episode, it's played entirely for laughs. At one point, Alya mentions hearing Marinette crying in the bathroom because of the stress she's been going through. And instead of being a dramatic scene, she just runs out in some Groucho Marx glasses for some reason, because according to the writers, we're supposed to laugh at Marinette suffering from a potential mental breakdown.

This just raises several questions about the way we're supposed to treat Marinette's behavior in this episode. Are we supposed to take this seriously? Not completely, because of how a lot of the “jokes” in the first act of the episode revolve around Marinette's anxiety being driven up to eleven. Are we supposed to see all of this as a joke? Not completely, because the end of the episode is when the writers decide to take Marinette's inner demons seriously. It leads to a very conflicting picture the episode is trying to paint with the way Marintte's conflict is portrayed.

We then cut to what seems to be the only thing the writers like to do with this character now, Alya acting like has control over Marinette's love life.

Of course those are the only pictures Alya got of Marinette.

Uh... Alya? Honey? Have you even considered the fact that maybe Marinette didn't tell you about Luka because that's none of your damn business??? What gives you the right to know every single detail about your friend's life? I understand that you're a hardcore Adrienette shipper (and an unintentional metaphor for how obsessed the writers are with the Love Square), but why would Marinette be obligated to tell you about Luka?

I know that I asked Marinette if she told Alya about Luka in my “Truth” review, but that was because she continued to force the belief that Marinette still liked Adrien onto her. Yeah, I'm still confused as to why Marinette didn't tell Alya, but the difference is that I was more confused at her not explaining it, and felt it would have made the conflict in the New York special a lot easier. I don't think Marinette has to tell Alya, I just think it would make some things easier between them with how much Alya wants Adrienette to be canon. Marinette has no obligation to tell Alya anything about who she's dating. What goes on in someone's love life is a private matter, and we'll see that Alya has no regards for privacy.

Alya, along with Juleka, Rose, Mylene, and Alix, devises a plan to give Marinette a friendship bracelet to show their support for her. And as usual, Alix has the simple idea to talk to Marinette about what's going on with her, and of course, she's ignored. Sorry, Alix, but this is an Alya episode, where smart choices don't fly here.

We cut back to Marinette's room where we get a pretty good scene where Marinette confides to Tikki about how she knows she has no chance of having a love life. She points out how she had to end things with Luka because of her secrets, and knows that even if she worked up the courage to talk to Adrien, she couldn't do anything because of the same secrets. She can't tell her parents or friends about her secrets and is forced to lie to everyone all the time. The voice actress gives a good performance, and the animators did a good job rendering the red eyes Marinette gets from crying.

And then we get back to the stupid stuff, where Marinette decides to transform into Ladybug and demands Hawkmoth (even though he's Shadowmoth at this point) show himself. This is really just an excuse for the Girl Squad to barge into Marinette's room, where Rose sees the dollhouse Marinette uses to hide the Miracle Ball. Marinette quickly runs back in and tries to hide the the Miracle Ball from her friends, who confront her about her “problem”.

No, real friends respect boundaries and don't demand to know every single detail about someone's life. They understand that there are secrets they don't have the right to know about. If Alya found out that Alix still needs to sleep with a nightlight and told everyone, would you really be surprised if she got mad at Alya for exposing this secret of hers? Right now, Marinette is clearly uncomfortable about telling her friends about a secret she has, and rather than understand she doesn't want to, they just keep pressing on, and don't care how unhappy she looks.

Unsurprisingly, Marinette tells them all to get out, saying she doesn't want them as friends anymore. Okay, so we're in every salt fic ever written now. Again, we get a good scene where Marinette feels remorseful for what she said (as understandable as it was), while the girls leave with their heads down.

Shadowmoth sends out an Akuma for the friendship bracelet, and because the object had personal meaning to all of them, Alya, Juleka, Rose, Mylene, and Alix all get akumatized into their previous Akuma forms, Lady Wifi, Reflekta (yet again), Princess Fragrance, Horrificator, and Timebreaker respectively. Shadowmoth calls them the “Gang of Secrets”. But they were akumatized because of secrets. Wouldn't a more accurate name be something like “The Honesty Brigate” or “Truth Troop?”

When I reviewed “Felix”, I had talked about how the motivations for the three Punishers weren't didn't reflect their Akuma forms, which were twisted versions of what they were feeling like at the time. While the same thing applies here (as well as “Heroes' Day”, now that I think about it, though I always thought it was like a drawback to Scarletmoth's powers), the titular Gang of Secrets is actually a pretty good lineup.

I think my main problem in “Felix” is that we didn't get to see the three Akumas working together much because the writers were trying to prioritize Felix as the primary threat of the episode and failed miserably. Here, we get to see a lot of interesting combos and strategies I never really thought about. Lady Wifi uses her powers to freeze some civilians while Timebreaker skates by and absorbs their energy for her skates. Reflekta zaps some other civilians while Princess Fragrance sprays them with her perfume to brainwash them into looking for Marinette, even if it’s the only time this episode that we get to hear “At your service, Princess Fragrance~!”. Horrificator intentionally goes around scaring people while growing in size, acting as the muscle (even though she doesn't do anything in this episode). They all work surprisingly well together, acting like Ladybug and Cat Noir's own Sinister Six.

After making a new safe to hide the Miracle Ball, Lady Wifi breaks into Marinette's room again, so Trixx, the Fox Kwami, uses his power to create a mirage to distract her. But like when Plagg used his Cataclysm in “Style Queen”, it has a little drawback.

The funny thing is that this doesn't even crack the top 5 in terms of weirdest things to happen to the Eiffel Tower in this show.

We cut to Adrien's room so the show can remind the audience he exists before he transforms into Cat Noir. The two don't meet up in person, but Ladybug tells Cat Noir to keep Timebreaker busy so she doesn't travel back in time while Ladybug goes after Lady Wifi. Of course, she doesn't have the friendship bracelet, but that wasn't Ladybug's plan in the first place.

Her actual plan is talking to Lady Wifi in an attempt to get Alya to break free of Shadowmoth's control. It's short, but it's a nice scene, with Ladybug explaining to Alya that even though they can't know everything about each other, they're still friends. So against all odds, Alya manages to reject the bond with Shadowmoth.

Oh yeah, it's not like we saw Chloe reject an Akuma in “Miraculer”, right? And Chrismaster giving up his akumatized object for Ladybug to purify? That didn't count either. Alya is clearly the first person to ever do this, and this is why you should immediately accept what happens later on.

Alya tells Ladybug where the Akuma is, and in response, Ladybug gives Alya the Fox Miraculous, which she uses to transform into Rena Rouge... even though she was already benched in “Feast” for endangering herself by uploading a video about the history of the Guardians to the internet, just like how Queen Bee and Ryuko were benched earlier for similar reasons, and the latter only appeared again because Ladybug wanted to get Kagami away from Adrien. Because I guess we're just going to ignore one of the biggest plotpoints of “Miracle Queen” now.

The other Akumas have Cat Noir at their mercy, so Rena Rouge uses her Mirage to create an illusion of Marinette to distract them. Timebreaker goes off to chase the illusion, and while Horrificator, Princess Fragrance, and Reflekta are about to take Ladybug's Miraculous, Rena Rouge and Cat Noir are the ones to break the object. Overall, a really clever climax to the episode.

So after Alya returns her Miraculous to Ladybug, we cut back to Marinette apologizing to her friends, who never apologize for invading her privacy. And while she mentions Luka, Marinette suddenly talks about how hard is to confess her feelings for Adrien, something that was never mentioned in this episode, because the writers are desperately trying to encourage the audience to ship the Love Square again brutally shooting down Lukanette and Adrigami. And after all this, Alya goes back up after everyone else leaves because she can just tell Marinette has another secret. How does she know this?

Okay, fine, Alya can be supportive of Marinette, and even her worst moments like the New York special were motivated by what she thought would make Marinette happy. A little misguided, and yeah, her teasing can be annoying at times, but she's ultimately there to help push Marinette to be honest with her feelings. “Reporter” is stretching it a little. No matter what the show likes to say, Alya isn't a good reporter. She barely verifies her sources and just posts things online. I'm sorry, but the Ladyblog is basically the superhero equivalent to TMZ. Alya probably doesn't even know who Joseph Pulitzer or Edward R. Murrow are, because rather than reporting the news to the public, she just wants to find things that will get her clicks on her website. Alya's biggest flaw as a character is that she is incredibly impulsive, but like everything else in the show, this flaw is never acknowledged, and is basically rewarded. Why do I say that? Well...

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this scene. On the one hand, it's very well acted, and the interaction genuinely highlights Marinette and Alya's friendship. Before she tells Alya, Marinette is just opening her heart out to her friend, and the grievances are played completely seriously. Even the reaction Alya gives when she finds out is very subdued, simply showing her shocked face before she gives Marinette a hug, with no dialogue. It's a very profound moment, and it's arguably one of the best in the entire series. Even the ending card doesn't show an action scene, but rather, it continues to focus on the hug while the Kwamis watch.

And thankfully, the episode doesn't end with the standard upbeat “Duh dun dun dun dunnnn, DA DA DA DA~!” track that almost every episode, no matter how depressing, usually ends with. It's just a really great moment, and a good way to end the episode... on its own.

When you think about previous episodes, like what I've mentioned with Alya, it's just strange that despite all the times she has shown herself to be bad at keeping secrets (like the aforementioned scene in “Feast”, posting a picture of her and Cat Noir kissing on the Ladyblog without her consent, and invading her privacy in this very episode, demanding to know her secrets), Marinette suddenly decides to give Alya a chance. Even worse, she had just said that she wasn't going to force her to tell her anything, which seemed like a strong character moment for her, but then the writers go back on the lesson and have Marinette do what Alya was trying to do the whole episode and tell her she's Ladybug.

Sure, Ladybug told Alya she was the Guardian and to keep it a secret earlier, but this lesson in keeping secrets should have stuck when she first became Rena Rouge in Season 2. I don't have a problem with Alya being Marinette's confidant (lord knows she needs one at this point), but I just don't think Alya is ready for this. It's the same thing with what happened with Adrien in “Syren”, by saying him immaturely threatening to quit being Cat Noir because of Ladybug's secrets was meant to show how he was ready to meet Master Fu even though it showed how selfish he was and was anything but ready. How is an episode where Alya tries to force Marinette into telling her everything she's keeping a secret meant to show she's ready to learn Ladybug's identity. Maybe if this episode kickstarted a character arc for Alya where she learned about why people keep secrets and that getting the truth isn't the right thing to do, culminating in a later episode where Alya learns Ladybug's identity, I'd be fine with that. As it is, this just had some poor timing and was the result of the writers not really thinking this through.

I guess I'm still interested to see where this goes, and how Marinette and Alya's friendship will change as a result of this. Maybe Alya can help Marinette get away to transform, or worry about her safety after an Akuma fight. Although the worst case scenario is that if Cat Noir finds out about this, he'll use it as an excuse to bitch and moan about how Ladybug is still keeping secrets from him and of course, she'll be blamed for whatever happens as a result of that.

Though I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting to mention something. Wasn't there someone else who wanted to know the truth about Marinette?

OH YEAH, I FORGOT ABOUT HIM JUST LIKE THE WRITERS DID.

This is what really kills the episode for me, just how it goes back on everything established in “Truth”. The whole reason Marinette broke up with Luka in the first place (which motivated the conflict of this episode) was because she realized keeping secrets from him wouldn't lead to a healthy relationship. As much as it pained her, it was a necessary evil Marinette had to do in order to protect her identity.

But now you're telling me that it's okay for Marinette to tell Alya her secret? WHY? How is this any different from what happened with Luka? Like Alya, Luka also wanted to known the truth, but the only difference was the way he confronted Marinette. He calmly asked her about what she was hiding, and even though she couldn't tell him, he respected her boundaries, and they both managed to end things on good terms.

Alya, who has a history of exposing secrets to the public, who barged into Marinette's room and demanded she tell her all of her secrets, is more trustworthy than Luka? This is why I don't buy the writers making Alya Marinette's confidant. I get that they want to give her some more story presence after how she had mostly faded into the background in Season 3, but this just isn't the way to do it.

Barring that, what did I think of the episode?

Yeah, it's just... it's just okay at best, mediocre at worst. There were a handful of decent moments in the episode, and some creative action scenes. Even stuff like Cat Noir's forced movie date and Alya violating Marinette's privacy isn't anything new, and unlike other episodes, the latter actually seems to apologize for that. The problem, as I already stated, was the ending. I think maybe the ending could have worked if Alya had found out Marinette's identity, but decided to keep it a secret. That way, it would make for an interesting dynamic, with Alya learning to be more responsible while secretly helping come up with ways for Marinette to get away to transform.

But as it stands, the episode is alright, but mostly forgettable if not for the ridiculous ending.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #miraculous season 4 #miraculous season 4 spoilers #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #hawk moth #shadow moth #alya cesaire #rena rouge #lady wifi #rose lavillant #princess fragrance #juleka couffaine #reflekta #alix kubdel #timebreaker #mylene haprele #horrificator #tikki #plagg #trixx #luka couffaine

[dreamygeorgenap-archive]

I've been toying with a theory these last few days which kinda ties in with that anon you just answered which talks about how their relationship shifted following the trident stream.

I feel like the trident stream was sort of a turning point for Dream and George. Dream openly admitting he's jealous of George talking to other people without him and stating that he's "used to having George's attention 24/7" and how it was "stripped away from him" was very out of pocket from Dream. Both George and the viewers were used to those small genuine moments and the baity flirty comments from Dream which were mostly ignored or laughed off by George but those two jealousy moments in the trident stream were real. Dream was genuinely distressed which also showed in the fact that he hadn't been able to sleep in those 3 days he wasn't talking to George.

I think maybe George realised something about Dream following this. George seemed taken aback by Dream's outbursts and made the "oh no, I'm being told off" face to the chat a few times (ESPECIALLY when Sapnap tried to include himself by asking why Dream hadn't been texting him because he was also "ditching" Dream.) which was clearly to make the outbursts seem more light hearted than they actually were. I think George already knew that Dream's relationship with him is very different compared to Dream's relationship with Sapnap but I don't think he realised how different it was before this. Because Dream is basically saying that he's fine with not talking to Sapnap but he can't go long without having to talk to George. This is probably the closest we get to Dream saying he prefers one of them over the other which he tries not to do (ex. In Dream's latest stream where he says that he looks up to both of them 50% each.) and that might have set something in motion in George's head.

I don't think Dream and George have talked about Dream's jealousy outbursts or any feelings at all. I just don't think George is dumb. I think he maybe realises that Dream might have some non-platonic feelings for him which is why he's suddenly all baity and in Dream's face with shipping and such. Dream isn't used to George being like that which is why he's suddenly all shy and quiet about it. Prime example (although there are many!) is the #askdream where George asks him why he's so cute. Dream sounded SO flustered and tried to act weirded out by why George would ask that but he failed miserably at it. George keeps pushing Dream but he's not meeting any resistence because Dream doesn't want to resist or just doesn't know how.

My conclusion: George might have realised that Dream feels differently about him from his jealousy outbursts on the trident stream and he's now teasing Dream about it to maybe get a reaction of some sort? Idk.

Disclaimer: I don't think George has any ill intent with his baity behavior towards Dream, he's known to hide his feelings behind humour and he thinks bait is funny, so :)

Around the time of trident stream and George’s dethronement stream, we definitely saw a shift in dynamic between the two. George seems to be flirting more and everything from Dream seems more real, plus their friends have been making a ton of dnf jokes that say to me that Dream and George act exactly the same - flirty and always talking to and about each other - off camera as they do on camera.

We need to remember something else that happened around this time too - George became really close friends with Quackity. That was the source of Dream’s two outbursts during that stream. That George was in a call with Quackity (and Karl, but mostly Quackity) for hours and Dream didn’t know and when he finally realized, they had already been in a call for hours. Those were Dream’s words, that’s what he said. So we know the green boy was actually jealous. Then, when Sapnap said “I’ve been on team speak, am I not enough for you?” to Dream, Dream said that about the Dream team that none of them will thrive if they aren’t all together. Which was very cute and a great moment.

I answered an ask about this the other day that basically agreed with what you’re saying, that George isn’t stupid and can read between the lines of what Dream isn’t saying. I agree that he was probably making those faces for the stream, to lighten the mood. Now, I cannot see Dream and George sitting around to talk about their feelings. I can’t see them doing that. But I do think these jealous outbursts probably struck George and made him realize things. And those things could be that he shouldn’t leave Dream for three days because then he’ll yell at you on stream lol

I think George is also learning, from Quackity, how to express his emotions and show that he cares for people. We saw him do this with Quackity and with Karl in one of George’s recent streams, where George said Karl added a lot to the video. Little things like that, George wouldn’t do a year ago or even 3 months ago. So I also think maybe George’s flirting has something to do with that? Idk. That might be grasping at straws but Quackity is definitely teaching him how to be more express that he loves and appreciates his friends.

I don’t have much to say about the “why are you so cute?” question because I agree that George was baiting and I also think Dream was just flustered. He’s proven before that he gets flustered when George people flirt with him. Evidence by his “WHATTT”. So idk his reaction made sense to me.

I do think the dynamic has shifted and that things have changed and I think that Quackity and George getting closer, the trident stream, and George’s dethronment stream, have all had a hand in the change. I love your big brain, anon!

#asks #anonymous #long post #dnf #analysis

[lacharcutiere]

still [sawamura daichi]

1,6k words

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part eight of i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone miniseries. you can only put these things off for so long.

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4).

tings // fluff, a little bit of angst, kinda suggestive at the end ?? // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to taglist ! minors dni.

☾𓆙𓂻

— JAPAN, SUMMER 2024.

the summer passes like this: you and daichi laughing too loudly in busy restaurants and train cars; having arms around each other in the back of taxis on the way home from clubs; making instant udon at three a.m.; walking up and down the neighborhood a hundred times; laying silently side by side and not needing to say anything. it's a routine, it's familiar—it's home.

a couple weeks before you're set to head back to new york, daichi asks you a question as you lay next to him on a blanket in your driveway, staring up at the stars.

"have you decided what your plans are after college?"

"i'm gonna come back here."

"i thought you wanted to go to grad school? you can do way better in the states, especially with a degree from columbia."

you roll onto your side so you can look at him better. "i know. but i've been away too long already. i miss you."

he gives you a little smile. "but i'm right here."

"right here is pretty fucking far from america."

"hm."

"hm."

that's the end of the conversation.

— 2 AUGUST 2024. 23:09 JST.

everything happens the exact same way it has for the past three years: he takes you to the airport. you try hard not to cry; you say your goodbyes. check-in, security, buy some candy to eat at the gate. board the plane. sixteen hours later, you're in america.

one thing was different, though.

when he said goodbye, his lips touched yours.

you don't stop thinking about it for weeks.

☾𓆙𓂻

— AUGUST TO NOVEMBER 2024.

slightly relieving is the fact that amid thesis writing and too many classes and working an internship under one of your professors (that one's nice, it even earns you enough to get a small apartment a few blocks from campus), there proves to be little time to be spent missing daichi.

you finesse your schedule to fit weekly facetimes on friday evenings (new york time) and shoot random texts back and forth about your day between classes and during meals, and without much space for anything else, it's enough. good things are worth waiting for, anyway.

— DECEMBER 2024.

but then winter sem break rolls around and there's no school so it's back to having too much lonely alone time with your thoughts. you write daichi a christmas card and drop it off at the post office. it's early this year, but oh, well.

☾𓆙𓂻

a week before christmas you receive a call from an unknown number. the phone speaker crackles when you accept the call.

“hello?”

“hey.” the voice on the other end is bright, smiley, accented. it’s tōru.

“tōru? what’s up?”

“i’m outside,” he says, “come down and meet me?”

you’re a little confused, but you decide to humor him. “uh, okay, give me a minute… do i need anything?”

“bring a coat, it’s cold out. i’ll be waiting down here.” the call ends.

a few minutes later you push through the doors of the building to be met with a brisk wind and tōru standing by a payphone, grinning.

“do you have your subway pass?”

you feel inside your pocket for it and nod.

“good,” he says. “come on, we’re in a hurry.”

“where are we going?”

“downtown.”

“ohhkay?”

he laughs. “‘s not anything you won’t like, promise.”

you follow him into the nearest subway entrance, lost in thought as you push through the barrier and step onto the train. it's only when he nudges you and says, "this is our stop," that you realize you've been looking at the ground the whole time.

tōru notices how absent you seem to be and asks, "are you okay?"

"i would be if i knew what was going on," you respond.

"yeah," he says, leading you up the stairs and into the terminal, "yeah, i think you will be."

you're in grand central. tōru asks if he can borrow your phone for a second. when he hands it back to you, he doesn't say anything, just takes you by the arm smiling widely and leads you into the fray of commuters that fill the station.

"tōru!" you groan, "can't you just tell me where we're going?"

"magnolia," he replies simply.

"we came all the way here just for coffee?"

"mhm."

"tōru!" he stops walking and turns back to you, trying and failing miserably to stop grinning for a second. "what the fuck?"

"come on," he says, "you'll like it."

"we've been here before! what's so special about—"

"you'll see."

☾𓆙𓂻

coffee in grand central is surprisingly good. it's also surprisingly expensive. ah, well, it's new york. new york has much more to offer than just overpriced cafés.

such as... this. such as a laughing man that leads a remarkably pissed-off looking girl by the arm, towards this stupidly good, stupidly overpriced café.

the pair are weaving through a stream of people, almost there, and then they're there, and the girl is looking much less agitated now. she looks somewhere between crying and wanting to run in the opposite direction. thank god, she chooses the former.

he loves you. so much.

☾𓆙𓂻

"daichi?" you mean it to be a scream but your voice cracks a little and it comes out airy.

he has the exact same look on his face that tōru's had this whole time. "hi."

"oh my god, what the fuck?"

"you said it was lonely, tōru told me maybe it would be nice for you to have a date for new year's, i had some extra money saved up. so i came."

"you— what?" you look back at tōru. "you planned this? just? last minute?"

"nah," daichi laughs, "no, i meant to come visit you for christmas a while ago. i already had tickets and everything, i was gonna tell you but then i got your card and figured it might be more fun if it were a surprise."

"oh my god." that's all you can think to say.

— CHRISTMAS 2024.

you can't even explain how good it feels to wake up and walk into the living room to find daichi asleep on your couch on christmas morning, how good it feels for it to not just be you. the whole time he's been here, though, you've forced yourself not to think about the fact that he's going back home in a week and a half, forced yourself not to do anything just yet. soon, though. just a few more months.

☾𓆙𓂻

when he wakes up, you're making coffee for the two of you.

"merry christmas," he says, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. he places a card on the counter in front of you. "open it."

its message is simple.

you do as it says.

"i, uh, haven't gotten you anything yet, but—"

"daichi," you laugh, "it's okay. and um, i may have also not been able to get you anything. also because i didn't know you'd be here."

"wait, wait, i'm not finished."

"okay?"

"what do you want to do after you're done this year of school?"

"i already told you," you say, "i'll move back home."

"no, what do you want to do? you want to go to grad school, right? continue studying here?"

"no, i just want to stop waiting." you sigh, a little frustrated. "i don't wanna have to keep putting this off, it's been—"

he cuts you off. "i'll be here."

"huh?"

"i'll be here. or wherever."

"i don't get it?"

you've always loved the way daichi's nose scrunches up when he smiles. "you're the one planning on studying more, not me. not immediately, anyway. i'll go with you."

"daichi."

"what?"

"you're fucking joking."

he laughs; you look so confused right now. "i'm not. promise."

"i don't even—"

"hey."

"hm?"

"think you can handle long-distance for five months?"

"uh—" you inhale sharply. "yeah."

"good," he says, "then we don't have to keep putting this off."

it's been five months since you last let your lips touch his. it still feels just like the first time it happened.

— 31 DECEMBER, 2023. 19:36 EST.

he tries not to let you pay for dinner, but in the end, you slip the waiter your card while daichi's in the bathroom. it's his birthday; it's your treat.

and after dinner, there's that new year's eve party that tōru's been going on about. it feels good, so good, not to be there alone. it feels good to watch the broadcast from downtown and count the seconds to midnight as daichi's arms are wrapped around you from behind. the clock reaches zero; daichi kisses you hard. you're both drunk on champagne.

you watch him smile across the room at tōru, who's got his girl on his arm. the two of them look happy, too. everything is warm.

— DEPARTURE: 3 JANUARY 2025. 08:15 EST.

daichi's asleep next to you when the alarm on his phone goes off. you'll miss not waking up next to him for the next five months, but at least that's all it will be.

he makes faces at you in the mirror as you both brush your teeth; keeps trying to tug your sweater off when you get dressed. you spend these thirty minutes laughing with him until it hurts. the two of you take the subway back to grand central; make out in a corner of the terminal while he waits for his train to jfk international to arrive.

"see you in may."

— 21 JANUARY 2025.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #daichi sawamura #sawamura daichi #daichi fluff #daichi angst #daichi series #daichi smut #kinda #haikyuu series #literally not even like in a romantic way bc thats not how this story goes #but #tōru is best boy #pls he's literally??? so sweet #imagine if boys like this were real #anyway #THIS IS ALMOST DONE ITS THE SECOND TO LAST PART #TECHNICALLY THE LAST BC THE NEXT ONE IS THE EPILOGUE #OMG #ALSO OOPS THIS IS LATE BUT UM IT'S LIKE TWICE AS LONG AS MOST OF THE OTHER PARTS #SO UH YEA

[jonsa101]

New Amsterdam Season 3x7: The Groundwork to Heal and Rebuild

Last night’s episode truly blew me away. It’s definitely one of the best episodes in the series. To be honest, I was incredibly anxious about how the show would handle systemic racism in the healthcare system but I think the writers did a beautiful job. I love how they have redirected Max’s story. It truly is a great character shift. Max has gone from the “how can I help” guy who tries to solve everything and usually always succeeds at it, to the guy who fails miserably and in frustration even throws in the towel. It’s so refreshing because the Max we had before this shift was unrealistic. This season is so good because this season feels real and authentic and Max though idealistic, is finally getting a big dose of reality in how he operates. I don’t think the show is ever going to give us season 1 or 2 Max again and that’s a good thing! That means our male lead is finally growing and evolving. It’s character development baby and we love to see it!  I also love where the storyline is going for Helen. I have always had a head canon that Helen has some wild baby sister that would pop into her life to live with her and Helen would look out for her and take her under her wing. The story line with Meena is way better than my head canon and kinda falls in line with what I’ve always imagined. I’m so happy that Helen has a niece and that she’s moving in with her! This is literally the PERFECT ROLE for Helen. There’s nothing better than having a character who struggles with being vulnerable than literally having an unexpected character show up to shake things up and unroot the vulnerabilities/traumas said character has yet to deal with.  

A lot of people couldn’t understand why Helen gave up her relationship with Cassian because of her niece but I completely understand where she’s coming from. Helen is completely out of her depth here. She wanted a baby and had know plans to take in her brother’s child let alone a teenager. This is completely new territory for her and the stress of having to juggle this new role, a new relationship and her already hectic job at New Amsterdam was probably overwhelming. Like most people who have a type A personality, she is doing what she feels like she has to do to get ready. Meena moving in with Helen is purposeful on so many levels and there are three things I’m expecting to see on screen because of it.

First, we are going to see so much more of Helen on a personal level. I fully expect to see Helen’s home life way more frequently as we see her step into this aunt/mother role and raise a teenager. This is not going to be a walk in the park. Helen is going to STRUGGLE. Meena will more than likely push Helen’s buttons to know end and and bring out all the vulnerabilities that she tries so hard to keep down. It will be probably be a bit ugly at first but as Helen and Meena start to bond and find common ground, Helen will FLOURISH. We will see her at her best as she thrives in this aunt/mother role. Second, Meena is absolutely going to peep the feelings that Max and Helen have for each other and she’s going to let her opinions be known. For the most part, teenagers know how to read the room and I’m pretty sure Meena will be know different. As Helen and Meena grow closer and as she possibly interacts with Max as well, I’m pretty confident Meena will say something and play a small part in pushing Max and Helen together. Of course this is just a prediction but usually a third character calls out the obvious “Unresolved Sexual Tension” between love interests and my money is on Meena! Third, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Helen stepped down from deputy medical director to step into this aunt/mother role as Max tries to be a single father to Luna while also trying to fill a mother void in Luna’s life. When we were heading into the season finale and going into season 2, I wrote a meta detailing my thoughts about how I felt about Helen deciding to be Max’s doctor again. I didn’t necessarily agree with the decision because I believed that Helen needed to remain true to the emotional and professional boundaries she was trying to set for herself. I also believed that because it was indicated Max and Helen had feelings for each other, her role needed to shift going forward in their relationship. It took two seasons but Helen’s role has finally shifted! 🙌🏾 She is no longer Max’s doctor or deputy medical director and for once Max no longer has the crutch/excuse of trying to navigate how he feels about her through that lense!!! THIS IS HUGE!!!

Max now has to truly sit there with his feelings and feel the absence of not going to Helen for everything because of the necessity of the roles she once had in his life. He will quickly come to terms with the fact that not only is he in love with her but he’s truly wants and needs her as his LIFE PARTNER! On top of that, Ryan has literally been teasing that Max is looking for not only a partner but a mother/mother role for Luna and he’s trying to figure that out fast (I will literally link the article). Max already knows Helen’s desire to be a mom but he will literally get the chance to see Helen step into that role with Meena! This isn’t by accident and it’s all purposeful. I’ve said this a hundred times and I’ll say it again, the showrunners are setting the groundwork for them to get together this season. Something has shifted. There’s a deep longing and desperation behind Max and I genuinely believe that he is consumed with his feelings for her. Through a bathroom door he was trying to convince Helen to be co-medical director to help battle systemic racism but while he’s trying to convince her, through subtext, he is essentially asking her to be his partner in life! I saw someone mention on Twitter that it was basically a proposal in a joking manner but honestly, that’s exactly what it was. It was a subtext laced proposal! His feelings are so all consuming that he can’t truly stay on the topic at hand!!! I think Max is on the verge of the floodgates bursting wide open and he is going to lay everything out on the table. Also, seeing Max’s behavior last night oddly reminds me a bit of Mr. Darcy in the Pride and Prejudice. Don’t get me wrong, Mr. Darcy and Max don’t have the same mannerisms but the depth of the feelings they have for their love interests and how it manifests feels the same. I’ll get into this more at the conclusion of this meta.

Anyway, when I look at the season in it’s entirety so far, I see the show setting up two people that both have to develop and heal in specific areas so that they can eventually come together by the end of the season. Helen is struggling with vulnerability, feeling like she’s running out of a time with the desires she truly wants in life and now in the most unexpected way is being thrust into aunt/motherhood. Max’s idealism has been completely rocked by the pandemic and now more than ever he’s forced to be more self aware of his actions and needs to evolve from the chronic hero syndrome. He’s also essentially stepping into fatherhood again as he tries to learn and navigate being a single dad and making Luna his first priority. I think for a time Max and Helen will need to face their issues head on by themselves but as they go through their own healing journeys, they’re going to need each other. Also, they’re DEEPLY IN LOVE so even though it seems like they’re drifting a part it’s only going to be temporarily. Eventually, they’ll start “burdening” each other again.

Another important point that I want to bring up is this. In the last meta that I wrote, I mentioned how I believed that Max needs to go above and beyond to try meet Helen’s needs and support her and I genuinely believe that we will see that throughout this season. In last night’s episode, after he poured his heart out and told her that he’s grateful that she’s there with him, Helen resigned as deputy medical director. The old Max would have put up a fight and put his needs before hers because he wants her there with him but despite it being painful, he accepted her resignation. That’s growth! Taking Helen out of the equation as his number two at the hospital is going to make him so much more aware of her needs in her personal life rather than the needs of the hospital. They’re relationship has always been so intertwined with their work at New Amsterdam that Max hasn’t learned to truly prioritize Helen outside of that but this season he’s definitely going to. The absence of Helen in his literal everyday work life with the combination of his overwhelming feelings will eventually lead to a wild pursuit. A pursuit to know her heart, her wants, her needs and most importantly a pursuit to be with her.

My last point is this! I’ve made some pretty bold predictions this season about where I see Max and Helen going. Again, I think something MASSIVE is on the horizon and I honestly still think that by the end of this season Max and Helen might very well be engaged!! I don’t know Fam they’re just giving me this vibe especially Max! Last night solidified to me that he is getting to a place where his feelings are beginning to overwhelm him. This brings me back to Mr. Darcy. I believe Mr. Darcy and Max are at the same emotional level when it comes to how they feel about their significant others. When it was to much to bare for Mr. Darcy not only did he declare his love for Elizabeth but he proposed. He literally went from 0-100. Though Elizabeth rejected his first proposal, he proposed again and the second time around they had both done the work that they needed to in order to understand each other better and realize that they loved each other. I can’t help but think of Darcy saying

“You have bewitched me body and soul and I love I love I love you. And wish from this day forth never to be parted from you.”

Is it just me or is Max acting a little bit like Helen has bewitched him body and soul? He’s all over the place when it comes to her lately and his body language has changed too! Did anyone else peep how closely Max and Helen were sitting next to each other? It was so intimate for a second I thought they were going to kiss or he was going to grab her hands. I don’t know it just screamed desire to me. Also, this ongoing theme were he tells her that he “can’t do this without her” or he’s grateful that “she’s here with him” to me is in the same light of Darcy telling Elizabeth that he never wants to be parted from her. From season two onwards Max has openly expressed wanting/needing Helen by his side. Now that we are in season 3, it seems like Max need for this has only gotten deeper. I make this comparison to say that the underlying vibe of how we are seeing Max and Helen unfold this season to me points to something incredibly tangible happening between them at season end.

The thing about Max and Helen is that yes, they are a slow burn but at the same time they’re also a 0-100 type of couple. I want to write another meta to explain this in detail but what I’ll say here is that if circumstances were different in season 1 and Max wasn’t married, Max and Helen would have probably been the type of couple who got married within a couple of months of knowing each other. Also, from my perspective, once Max and Helen finally let each other know how they really feel, it’s not going to be a thing where they’re just dating like with Cassian or Panthaki. It’s going to be like it’s a wrap, I’m all in, you are my person, this is it for me type thing. It’s going to be commitment! I feel like people forget but this show started in 2018. In September it will be four years since the show premiered. Granted COVID happened in 2020, but essentially Max and Helen have been doing this tango for awhile now. The expectation should be that we are finally going to see things come into fruition in a major way this season because that’s 1000% what I believe. Everything in my gut is telling me that the time is now and they are setting them up to do groundwork to heal so that they can rebuild together. A new chapter for them is on the horizon and I’m so excited about it!

#sharpwin #new amsterdam #max goodwin #helen sharpe #max x helen #sharpwin meta #new amsterdam meta

[clandonnachaidh]

Light Across The Seas That Severed (Ch2)

Read on AO3

Jamie was sat, feeling maudlin and staring into the depths of his pint after a particularly difficult day. If Jenny had been beside him, she’d tell him to wise up and be grateful for the situation he was in. But he still wasn’t used to being so far from home, away from his parents and Lallybroch. He wouldn’t let himself say it out loud but he even found himself missing the tinny aftertaste of a pint of Tennents that he had yet to find on sale south of the border.

He knew his parents were over the moon about his acceptance into Oxford, how could they not be? Jamie had walked around Broch Mordha with his mother and father a few days after he’d received the happy news and found that the standard twenty minute scoot around the shop was considerably stretched out to allow his parents to stop and boast to every person they could about their youngest son’s achievement. Jamie had smiled sheepishly and thanked people for their well wishes but if he was being entirely honest, there was a knot in the pit of his stomach every time someone mentioned him leaving home.

Jamie tried not to let his nerves get the better of him as he settled into his new home those first few days. It wasn’t just that he stuck out like a sore thumb as the 6’ 4 red headed Scot that was almost as broad as he was tall. It was the fact that the people seemed to be looking at him funny. He made the mistake of asking someone for directions and ended up on the receiving end of a joke about his accent, the man making a mean comment about Jamie being asked to join Oxford University as some attempt to reach whatever entry quota of undergraduates hailing from underprivileged backgrounds. It didn’t matter that he was there on the merit of his exam results that he had worked his arse off for, the same as everybody else. Jamie Fraser was a working class lad from the Highlands, not some self-entitled Etonian arsehole whose father knew somebody who knew somebody. He was surrounded by future Lords and Dukes and he knew that if he heard the words ‘titan of business’ again, he was going to have to start cracking some overprivileged skulls.

And so he sat in The College Bar on a Friday night, hidden away in the corner upstairs where he could sit in peace and brood over his very fortunate situation that he didn’t feel so fortunate about. The only thing that he made the whole thing worthwhile was the girl who lived a few doors down from him in Merton College.

The first time he saw Claire Beauchamp she was fighting a losing battle with a cardboard box that looked like it had already taken a few bashings. Jamie had moved into his dorm a few days prior and was out that morning in an attempt to scout a route for his morning runs. He was keeping a close eye on his AppleWatch, making sure that his heart rate was staying in the optimal zone when he encountered one of the more colourful expletives he’d had the pleasure of hearing before.

“Jesus H Roosevelt Christ!”

His head swivelled on his neck and his eyes landed on her.

Her long arms were wrapped around the box, trying to keep it steady on a propped up knee while the glaring at the taxi driver who was stood fiddling with his phone rather than helping the poor lass. Irritated at the absence of chivalrous manners, Jamie jogged towards the car to offer help.

“Are ye managin’? Here, let me,” he moved to her side and grabbed the next box, lifting it without thought and immediately straining as gravity worked quickly against him. “Christ, lass, what have ye got in here? Rocks?”

“That one contains books, laddie,” she spat back in frustration at him, trying her hand at matching the Scottish brogue and failing miserably. Jamie found it utterly adorable and couldn’t help but smile as he placed the box on the pavement and unloaded the next one which was thankfully much lighter. After wrangling her suitcase from the boot of the car, he tried not to watch the delicate movement of her limbs as she paid the fare.

Trying to pretend that he hadn’t been avidly watching her, he faked a jump of surprise as she thrust her hand towards him, “Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp.”

He liked her instantly. He found himself thinking, who the hell introduces themselves with their full name anymore? What an interesting wee thing she was.

“James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser,” he returned the gesture, shaking her small hand in his large one, damning the tough skin of his calluses for keeping him from feeling the exact texture of the soft skin of her palm.

“That’s too many names.”

“What?” The question burst out of him in an exasperated laugh. “No, it’s no’. ’Tis the number of names my parents gave me and if ye want tae live a good long life, Sassenach, ye winna get intae the bad books of my wee ma.”

“What’s a… sassanatch?” Her head tilted to the side in curiosity.

“Sassenach,” he corrected her pronunciation with a wry smirk. He knew that if he tried to give her anything but the truth, she would see through him in an instant so he decided to answer honestly. “It means ‘outlander’.”

She snorted at him and rolled her leopard eyes into the back of her skull.

“Sorry to break it to you, Toto, but I have a feeling we’re not in Scotland anymore.”

“Now that I am painfully aware of,” he sighed, sending a cursory glance around the quad that they were standing in and almost willing it to magically transfigure itself into the hills of his home.

“Not enjoying it so far?”

“Jus’ takin’ me a while tae get used tae it, naebody spiks tae ye here. Said hullo to the man in the shops and he looked at me like I’d twa heids.”

He was putting it on a bit, thickening his accent to amuse her but he was delighted to see that it was working. She laughed, looking at her feet and then sighing at the boxes that he had stacked into a neat pile on the pavement. She looked wistfully at them and cast a sideways glance at the man in front of her, an idea forming in her mind.

“Rather large, aren’t you, Fraser?”

He grinned wolfishly at her, “That I am.”

“What if I make you a promise to say hello to you every time I see you? In exchange for a small favour?”

“And what would that be?”

“Help me to my room with my things?” She sent him a dazzling smile to try and convince him but he had already resigned to himself that his morning workout had changed from cardio into upper body strength training.

“Wisnae going tae let ye carry these yerself, I’m no’ that cruel,” he smirked as she triumphantly pulled out her phone, bringing the information of her dorm up on her screen.

“You’re a saint. I’m staying in Merton, you wouldn’t happen to know where that is?”

He tried not to look too enthusiastic as he felt the universe click things into place, “As a matter of fact, I do.”

And that day was the first day of their story together. With Claire holding open doors, Jamie managed to get her boxes to her dorm in three trips and they bantered the entire time, her quick wit shining from her and almost doubling him over with laughter at one point. Without really making an effort to do so, they seemed to find themselves in each other’s orbit more often than not, walking to lectures together despite chasing completely different degrees and finding that they enjoyed the same very specific spot in the library that offered the most sunlight with the least amount of noise. He surprised her the first time he appeared with the correct number of sugar packets for her to dump into her coffee and he beamed when she peeled the gherkins from her burger and dropped them onto his plate, knowing that he would eat them for her. They came to know each other, slowly showing the parts of themselves that not many people were allowed to see. She banged on his door in the late afternoon after a particularly bad seminar and his hand found the perfect purchase against her shoulder as she laid her head on his and cried, admitting to feeling overwhelmed and burnt out in such a competitive environment. In turn, he let her in on his feelings of inferiority which she quickly shot down, telling him that he was not only the smartest person she knew but the kindest and that was no small thing. Soon enough, they were practically inseparable, both having their own friends but somehow always ending up in each other’s company. Jamie began to relax into his life in Oxford, knowing that as long as he could do it with Claire, well, it might not be so bad.

“Nice to see you didn’t wait for me, Fraser,” she puffed as she sat herself down on the stool across from him at their usual table in the pub, unwinding her long scarf from around her neck as she greedily eyed the pint that was sat waiting for her. Claire took a long drink before setting it down again and sighing heavily as her fingers, stiff and bright red from the cold, attempted to undo the buttons of her coat.

“Ye call me and tell me tae meet ye in the pub in ten minutes and then ye show up half an hour after. What am I meant tae do, just sit and stare at the ‘hing?” Jamie muttered in response, not meeting her gaze as he picked at a piece of dried candle wax that had dripped and solidified on the table. He had been studying in his room when she had called, demanding that he meet her and even though he would rarely say no to her, it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t let her stew for a bit. Trying to hide a smirk, he pulled his eyes up to see her face, immediately regretting his teasing. “Sassenach? What’s worst wi’ ye?”

“It’s nothing, it’s-“ she finally managed to pull her arm free of her coat only to thrust it deeply into her pocket, retrieving her phone and staring at it with a furrowed brow. “Bloody bastard, he hasn’t even text me.”

His ears pricked up at the mention of a ‘he’ but Jamie kept his mouth shut, raising his pint glass to his lips to stop himself from blurting out all the questions that were brewing behind them.

“Why are all men total pricks, Jamie?” She took a deep drink from her own glass, her eyelids drooping slightly at the relief the cold liquid brought her before she wiped her lips with the back of her hand which she then waved in his general direction. “Present company excluded, of course.”

“Och, I dinna ken, ye’ve called me worse things in our time thegither.”

That earned him a laugh and he watched as her shoulders relaxed slightly, her slight frame melting back into her chair.

“Bad date, was it?”

Claire snorted, the sudden expel of air causing one of her curls to dance around her face, “I don’t suppose it counts as a bad one if the guy doesn’t even show up.”

“He pied ye?” Jamie’s skin felt hot as anger licked at his insides. Her face scrunched up in confusion, as it did sometimes if he used a colloquialism from home that hadn’t quite found its way across the border.

“What?” she asked before deciding that it didn’t matter, carrying on in her irritation. “He didn’t show! No call, no text, nothing.”

“Good riddance then. Where did you find this one?” He asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

Part of being her friend was watching from the sidelines as men, and some women, fell at Claire’s feet. Not for the first time, Jamie found himself ruminating on the fact that her name in Gaelic, Sorcha, meant light. She drew people in and without meaning to, they soon found themselves to be in her orbit.

“We quite literally bumped into each other in the library. He’s reading History.”

“And what would a history man be doing in amongst yer medical textbooks, Sassenach? Sounds like a bit of a creep to me. Or mebbe he was lookin’ up some horrible rash he’s got on his-”

“Same again?” She interrupted after downing more than half of her pint in an attempt to catch up.

She was already out of her seat before he had the opportunity to answer. He enjoyed, probably a little too much, watching the sway of her hips and the way her curls bounced as she bounded down the stairs towards the bar and he leant backwards, letting his head rest against the wall and sighing in frustration. She was going to spend the rest of the night sneaking glances at her phone, hoping that this new guy would try to get in touch with her and he would have to suffer in silence. He would tell her that she has nothing to worry about, that whoever this guy was would have to be a fool not to crawl over broken glass to get to her.

Because that’s what Jamie would do. If she ever asked him to.

After a second round and a third and a fourth, they came to be sat on the same side of the table, hidden away in the alcove that their table was situated in. They were both drunk although Jamie would never admit to it, saying that a Scot was never drunk as long as they could stand upright. Their shared laughter was getting louder and Claire’s gestures were getting bigger, sloppier, as the frustration began to pour from her.

“I mean, I’m reading medicine, for Christ’s sake! I have good prospects, I’m only minimally neurotic, I don’t think I’m that terrible to look at. So what’s my problem? Am I just destined to be alone for the rest of my life?” A massive hiccup ripped through her, followed by a laugh as she brought her hand to her chest as though the act would calm them. Jamie’s eyes fell to her hand, trying so hard not to let his eyes focus on the breasts beneath it. Realising that the drink had made his reflexes slower, he pulled his eyes to face forward, staring at the floor and worrying that he’d been caught.

“I dinna think so.”

Her index finger stabbed a little too hard at her phone, the screen lighting up and showing no notifications, “It’s not like there’s a line of men waiting patiently at my door.”

“Then they’re eejits.”

A whirlwind of curls twisted towards him, a slight smile that was playing on her lips admitting to her surprise. The words had left his mouth before he realised it and the moment he did, red creeped insidiously up from the collar of his shirt, seeping into his cheeks.

“Eejits, huh?”

He looked at her then, blue eyes fixing onto their honeyed counterparts, humour dancing across her face mixed in with the light that was cocooning them.

“Every man who doesnae fall at yer feet tae do yer bidding is an eejit,” he conceded.

“Are you including yourself in that list, Fraser?”

He fought the urge to roll his eyes, not needing to lend even more credence to what they both already knew but were too afraid to speak out loud. That he was completely under her spell and happy to be there.

“I think ye’ll find ye had me cartin’ yer wee boxes tae yer room within minutes of meeting ye, Sassenach.”

Claire bit her lips between her teeth, trying her hardest not to smile, “Your mother raised you to be a gentleman.”

“That she did. Which means I buy the next round and then I’m walking ye home,” Jamie said.

“Not heading to see Annalise tonight?”

Rising to his feet, he fought back the urge to snap at her, irritated at the mention of the girlfriend that he hated being reminded of when he was with Claire and simply replied with, “Not tonight.”

Something playful and dangerous glinted in the amber eyes and she leaned forward on her elbows, as though she was stalking her prey.

“Then I shall delight in having you all to myself.”

By the time Jamie returned with their drinks, the moment of flirtation had passed. Claire was back frowning at her phone and tapping a single bitten fingernail against the wood grain of the table. Determined to distract her from falling down the rabbit hole of despair, their final drink was spent teasing, telling funny stories to each other about the idiotic things that had been said in their seminars, gloating about who got the best marks on their last essay. Before they knew it, Claire’s scarf was being wrapped around her neck once more as the two of them stumbled into the cold night air.

They had stayed a little later than last call, a classmate of Claire’s being the barman on staff and allowing them to finish their drinks while he wiped down the bar and cleaned the lines. It meant that they were alone as they walked, not amongst the mass exodus of warm bodies that had left the bar twenty minutes previous. Jamie watched from the corner of his eye as Claire furiously rubbed her hands together in an attempt to introduce some heat. With the alcohol loosening the usual restraint that he kept firmly in check, he turned to her and grabbed her small hands in his and brought them to his mouth, blowing the hot air from his lungs against her skin. Even through the drunken fog, he felt the flickers of electricity that seemed to pass every time their hands touched. It wasn’t unheard of for their hands to find their way to each other’s in those long study sessions when both of them were tired and stressed and in need of a comfort. A gesture that said ‘It’s okay, I’m here with you’. Things were always easier if they touched.

Slowly, he became aware that she was holding her breath, confirming it by sweeping his eyes from her hands to her face. She was staring at him, like a leopard stalking its prey. No smart remark or witty retort fell from her lips which were parted, allowing her breath to leave her in little bursts that betrayed how fast her heart was beating. The drink making him bold, he began to lace his fingers through hers, the only sound on the street being her sharp intake of breath as he pressed their palms together. Jamie became immediately more aware that their faces were closer than they ever had been before, that her body was pressed lightly against his and he suppressed a groan at how easy it would be to pull her closer and lose himself in her. His eyes caught her her tongue darting out to wet her lips and he wondered if she realised that she had done it. He couldn’t stop looking at her mouth, her pretty pink lips forming shapes that he wanted to know the taste of.

“Jamie…“ her breath was sweet against his mouth. It was an invitation but there was a hesitance there that he recognised and he knew that she was thinking the same thing he was. That if they did this, if they kissed, nothing would be the same again.

“Aye?”

“Can I…?”

An imperceptible nod of his head was all it took for her dart towards him but she stopped himself just shy of his lips. His mouth was hovering above hers, so close that he could feel the warmth of her breath on his face. Jamie held himself there, basking in the anticipation of a moment that he had dreamed of so many times. This wouldn’t be another first kiss to regret.

A small whimper escaped Claire’s lips as she softly pressed her mouth against his and it was all it took to undo him, his whole self filling with the need to taste her the moment that their lips met. Jamie raised a shaking hand to her face, to cup her cheek and kiss her slowly, deeply, wanting to drink in every part of her that he could.

He was kissing Claire Beauchamp. And it was everything.

#light across the seas that severed #clan donnachaidh #ao3 #outlander fanfic #jamie fraser #Claire beauchamp #outlander #modern au

[j10kkuno]

The Sykks, the Guses, Ray, and Conan: Broken Bonds Reconnecting in Los Santos

OR: Have some family headcanons until all of these get negated by canon Nopixel because I'm a writer and these things are what I thrive on.

The most defining part of this that impacts everything like a domino effect: The Sykk family is rich rich. Like Yuno's great grandfather made some understated everyday product everyone uses. Reasons why I say this: Yuno/his parents had enough money to put him through college for several years only for him to fail and he still had enough money in his trust fund to run away to Los Santos, pay for an apartment, get settled, pay bills, etc. That's not just parents with good jobs. Also, Euno has a history in the States(Dating Conan, seems on good terms ish with Yuno, suggesting they grew up together), but according to wiki he's been in Europe but also decided to up and move to LS for reasons related to Yuno and moving back and forth and back between continents is very pricy and complicated and you have to leave people behind which is really hard so yeah. Sykk family is rich rich.

Due to that, Yuno and Euno both grew up with a list of expectations they had to live up to, Euno was meant to inherit the French branch of their company, they were both expected to be straight, rebellion was frowned upon, etc. Just everything you'd expect from people of their status and think of Yuno's personality and what Sykkuno wants to use Euno to do in game and how stifling that would be for them.

I was reading a headcanon on Yuno and Ray Mond yesterday about their parents being divorced and that's why they have different last names and I have a thought on that.

Basically, I'm thinking that Yuno's mom was having fertility issues and his dad was frustrated and like all rich men, strayed and cheated with Ms. Mond, an employee at the company's office, who got pregnant. His parents frowned and worried about reputation because they're very traditional, but when they found out Ms. Mond was pregnant with twins, they allowed him to keep the boy, but the girl had to be sent away. Ms. Mond was very unhappy, but she was paid well. Mrs. Sykk was unhappy but thankful the moment Yuno, three hours old, was placed in her arms. Yuno was never told his mom isn't biologically his mother, but she's the only mom he'll ever have, despite her expectations.

Mrs. Sykk's brother is Mr. Gus and Yuno grew up seeing Amon and Bin quite often. They were his favorite cousins. However, when they were around 8-10ish, the Gus family disappeared. Yuno cried for ages and over time, memories have faded but he has vague memories of them. In reality, the Gus parents are killed in a brutal car accident where the car is set on fire. An onlooker is barely able to save the children. All identification is burned and the children hit their heads so there's no way to identify them so because they're on vacation, they're forced into the local foster care system with only each other to cling to. Memories of their past life come and go, including of Yuno, which Bin especially can hold onto.

Ray grew up living a normal life in the midwest with a single mom. The Sykks paid off Ms. Mond handsomly, but she still worked to make ends meet so Ray could have most of that money for college/as an adult. Her life was dedicated to Ray. When Ray was 18, she stumbled across the contract, but didn't say anything until a big blow out fight a few years later and then Ms. Mond tells her everything and then Ray starts looking for Yuno, who she finds in LS. One day, she'll meet the Sykks and go off on them, but be kindest to Yuno's mom, who just wanted a child to please her husband and in law and feel like she wasn't a failure.

Yuno and Euno both felt like they didn't fit in with business and snobby rich people, both enjoying pranks and crime shows but Euno was able to pretend much better. His father was in charge of the French branch of their company, and they made sure he split his time evenly between the States and France as a child. As a young adult, he chose Columbia University in Liberty City for college(Ivy League school btw, Yuno also attended an Ivy League but the family preferred Dartmouth. Columbia was viewed as Euno's big rebellion). He wanted to get lost in the bustle of the city and find a place to be himself. And he does, in a young Conan Clarkson. He was a criminal justice major at a much less prestigious university but he captured Euno's heart easily. Conan let him joke around, let him be vulnerable when all his life Euno was told a man never lets anyone sees his vulnerabilities, and never, ever expects anything but love from him. Euno wishes their time together could last forever, but he knows eventually, he'll be expected to return to France. And he is, as soon as he graduates, and he asks Conan to come with. Conan's already been accepted to the Police Academy in Los Santos. Conan asks him to come with to Los Santos, but Euno has been prepped his entire life to take a position at the French branch and he's not strong enough to say no. It hurts like hell, but they break up. And Euno is miserable. Business isn't for him and now that he knows who he is he hates the person he has to pretend to be.

A few years later, Yuno tells him he's in Los Santos and his found family and how nice it is and the nice cops and Euno always loved hearing about Conan's major and passions so he asks more about the police program and so he and Yuno plans. And in the middle of the night, Euno leaves Paris with only as much as his suitcase will carry and catches a flight to LS. Three nights later, he runs into Conan at the pier, and well, it takes a few months, but home is where the heart is and Euno's home has been Los Santos for a lot longer than anyone knew.

Meanwhile, Yuno is overjoyed to be reunited with the Gus brothers and tells them about their past and introduces them to Ray, who is super excited to meet more family(!!!). The four feels like they were meant to meet all along and be family and now that they've met, they refuse to be parted. Yuno's family tries, and they really try with Euno, the once golden child, but neither of them are budging. They've made a home in Los Santos and they're not leaving it for anything. (Euno's little brother is very happy to suddenly be the heir of the French branch so it all works out)

#Nopixel #Amigops #Sykkuno #Valkyrae #Disguised Toast #Corpse Husband #Ramee #Nopixel headcanons #Yuno Sykk #Ray Mond #Amon Gus #Bin Gus #Euno Sykk #Ranger Conan #whew this was long #But this is what I love #Backstory stuff #Some stuff may change #Headcanons constantly change and evolve #But this is how I'm feeling right now