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getosprettyboy · 12 days

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Thornes Without Roses

Pairing : Loki x Reader

Tags : sh, angst, hurt/comfort, just be warned

Summary : Loki reacts to your sh.

A/N : Hope you like it?

You know you shouldn’t do this. You know how wrong this is. You know that this is the least helpful thing to do to yourself. But it’s not that you’re doing this for attention.

No.

You just feel like you deserve this. You deserve the pain, you deserve to bleed, that’s what you tell yourself.

The last couple of days has been really hard on you. A failed mission with two casualties led you to get yelled at by the relatives of the victims which led you into self-loathing which then led to you thinking how big of a disappointment you are and such a heavy burden to carry. Before this, you were already feeling low due to your depression coming back with all these negative thoughts to make you want to jump off a building.

This isn’t something new as you have been dealing with these feelings as a kid and you are used to it now. The thing you shouldn’t be used to is how you deal with these emotions. You know these aren't the best coping mechanisms but it is all you have.

You go towards your desk and grab a sharpener, you also grab a screwdriver to take out the blade. You haven’t done this in a year because you promised yourself to never go down this path ever again but here you are.

You go to the bathroom towards the sink and look at yourself in the mirror. You wondered, when did things get so bad?

You held your am in front of you and dug the blade in your skin and drew a line. You watched as the skin then started to bleed. You choked on a sob and then drew more lines with the blade until you started sobbing.

Why were you like this?

Why did you have to be such a burden on your friends?

Why couldn’t you just stay happy?

What is wrong with you?

These thoughts swarmed your head as you sat on the toilet and put your head on your hands and sobbed. You sobbed about how you were incapable of love and how you were probably better off dead.

You kept on doing this for a month. Cutting yourself almost every day and hiding those wounds by wearing sweaters, jackets, or anything to hide the cuts made by you. Maybe your sadness was reflecting on your face and how you behaved because you started eating less, and got more reckless during missions which would lead you to be yelled at by one of your friends. You knew they meant well but you couldn’t bother yourself to listen to them. They even started asking questions.

“Are you alright [Y/N]?”

“Do you want to talk?”

“You know we are always there for you.”

“You know we love you right?”

Your least favourite was when you were asked - “Why are you wearing full sleeves in the middle of June?”

You hated these questions in general.

One day you were feeling extremely low and overwhelmed and thought of cutting yourself. You went to your room and took your sharpener and went to the bathroom and took off your sweatshirt and began to cut yourself.

As soon as you started to cut yourself there was a knock on your bathroom door.

“[Y/N], are you there?”

It was Loki. Shit! Why did he have to come at a time like this?!

“Fuck!”

“[Y/N]?” Loki asked cautiously.

“One minute!!!” You said in a panic.

You tried to hide everything. You put a band-aid on your wound and hid the sharpener in the medicine box. You flushed the toilet to seem you were busy and came out of the bathroom with a smile on your face.

“Hey! Loki, what brings you here?” You asked.

“Well I just wanted to talk about something.” He said.

“What is this something?” You asked.

“It’s about you [Y/N], you seem very down lately. Are you alright?”

“Pfft! I’m totally fine. I don’t know why everyone is asking me that.”

“If you say so.” He looked down and his eye caught your bare arm.

Shit! Shit! Shit! You forgot to wear your sweatshirt.

You tried hiding your non-dominant hand but Loki already saw it.

“Show me your arm.” He demanded, you looked into his eyes and there was a half-hearted glare.

“It’s nothing. I promise.” You said but your voice reached deaf ears. You were panicking, your heart rate increasing. Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Why was this happening? Why today of all days? Your vision was beginning to blur from your tears.

“[Y/N] I’m going to ask you this one last time. What happened? To. Your. Arm?” He asked firmly.

You couldn’t take it anymore, the dam broke and you were now crying. Holding your head in your hands in shame. You felt shame, guilt, and sadness. You broke down into your arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry Loki. Please don’t be angry at me. I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. Loki I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Loki. Please, please don’t be mad.” You cried. You cried and cried and cried in your hands not wanting to look at Loki because he might be looking at you with fury in his eyes or disgusted with you or something worse that you don’t want to imagine.

The last thing you expected was a hug from him. You stood there shocked at his reaction, you silently just stood there confused until you started crying again.

This felt so much better. His embrace was so warm. You felt a ray of sunshine finally blooming in you as he held you tight as you sobbed in his arms.

He guided you towards the bed and made you sit beside him while he comforted you.

“Shhh, it’s ok. Let it all out. I’m here, it’s ok [Y/N] I’m here, I’m here, it’s alright.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Loki. I don’t mean to be such a burden. I’m sorry” You said while violently sobbing.

“[Y/N] stop apologising. I am not angry” He said calmly.

“What I am is concerned about your well-being. I know the last few weeks have been harsh on you, but that doesn’t mean you would do this to yourself. You are better than this and you are not a burden to me in my life nor in anyone else’s life but what you are is a blessing in human form and especially to me, You are like the sun shining brightly in my darkest of days, you mean the whole world to me [Y/N] and I mean it whole-heartedly. Do you understand what I am saying [Y/N]?”

You nodded weakly.

There was a pause, and then Loki continued. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that you can’t open up to me but I promise that I won’t judge you and promise to make you feel safe and comfortable with me.”

Your heart warmed up at his words. Maybe you should’ve gone to Loki or a therapist for help instead of doing this. But you couldn’t do anything else because you felt that you would be burdening your friends by doing so but after hearing Loki maybe that isn’t the case.

You could feel more tears in your eyes. You couldn’t help it. Nobody has said something like that to you. You’ve been doing this since you were fourteen and you sure as hell weren’t going to stop but maybe you’re going to try to stop doing this.

Your cries had subdued to hiccups and you were just processing what he said.

“Thank you… Loki. I really appreciate you saying that.”

“You’re welcome, and I meant all of that so whenever you feel like doing that to yourself just call for me and I will distract you from it,” Loki said sincerely.

“Thank you.” That’s all that you could say. Those were just two words but he knew how sincere you were about it.

You both stayed like that. Loki held you tight in his embrace and you rested your head on his chest as you both lay down on the bed. His heartbeat slowly lulls you to sleep and after so many sleepless nights you had the best sleep.

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki angst #loki drabble #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki fic #loki x you #loki x y/n

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lokisprettygirl · 1 year

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Lose me to Love you (Loki x Female Reader) (AU) (18+)

Read Chapter 15 here / Series Masterlist

Chapter 16

Summary: Loki tells you everything about the night he begged Jolene to take him back. Steve reveals a truth.

Warning: 18+, Smut, Mutual Masturbation, Dirty talk, degradation, panic attack, Oh forgot to put Brief humping, Extreme dark themes, Sexual abuse, physical abuse, public sex, Rough violent sex, 18+, Steamy stuff, age difference ,Rough language, mention of suicide, talk of virginity and slut shaming, manipulative behaviour, mention of trauma, smut, toxic relationship between main characters. Dark themes, cult stuff

The next morning when you woke up you found Loki in the kitchen with Jolene, making breakfast. You hated the fact that he didn't wake you up but it was just your jealousy making you feel that way. You kept thinking about what she had said last night about Loki begging her to take him back, it didn't seem like something he would have done but then you didn't know what was going on with him at the time, he was lonely, that you knew for sure, you probably needed to hear his side of the story, you also felt extremely insecure that he loved her so much that he begged her to stay with him.

Your thoughts disappeared momentarily and face flushed as you looked at him, the imagery from last night was still afresh in your head.

"Good morning" you placed your head on his bicep and looked at him, he had a smile on his face but you could tell he was trying to keep his actions under control in front of her, maybe he didn't want her judgment, whatever the reason you didn't really care as long as he was yours to love and care for.

"Morning sweetheart, can you make tea for us?" He asked you softly so you nodded

"Can't wait to kiss you" you whispered in his ears, making the corner of his mouth curve into a smile. Jolene watched the whole interaction fuming with jealousy, ofcourse she heard your moans and his as well, she couldn't believe that he was fucking you, he always talked about you as if you were just a kid he had saved once and she always assumed that he was burdened by that responsibility. She saw you both eye fucking each other and her jaw clenched, a young girl like you, ofcourse he was enticed easily, you must have seduced him and trapped him but then he also was a fucked up man who had done evil things so she wasn't really surprised by his perversion.

She wanted to move on, she tried her best but as bad as he was in other aspects of his life she couldn't help but feel so attracted towards him still, the way he treated her made her fall in love, he took care of her in every way and she knew she'd never find someone as considerate as him, she was young and immature in her quick decision to divorce him, she got influenced by her family and friends but she was regretting it now.

"We don't have much time, that editorial photoshoot is today at 4" he said to you so you hummed in response, the people from the Netflix series you have been shooting for suggested your name for this popular clothing brand so Loki had a meeting with them two days ago. The money was good and you were absolutely covered from head to toe much to his delight so you both agreed, you knew there won't be bikini or lingerie shoots any longer now that you belonged to him. You got your way with him before through threats and manipulation but you didn't want to do anything of that sort now, you didn't want him to get upset or hurt.

Jolene stepped down from the counter and walked into his room and you couldn't have been more thankful.

As soon as her door shut close he grabbed your arm to turn you towards him and leaned down to kiss you in a way that screamed "yesss this is what I have been craving my darling"

You should have kissed him back with equal intensity but for some reason she kept bothering you.

"Do you miss her?" He stopped kissing you and looked at you, he stared at you intently before he picked you up by the waist and put you up on the counter.

"Why would you ask me that after the night we had?" He kissed you again after finishing his sentence, then his mouth latched onto your neck.

"Answer me"

"I don't…no"

"Mmmm okay"

"Why would you ask me that?" He asked you so you shrugged. Why did you ask him that really?

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Don't steer the conversation" he glared at you but you shrugged.

"I'm not" you pulled him closer by hooking your legs around his waist but he wasn't letting it go that easily.

"Tell me y/n" Oh!! boy it was serious now.

"I just.. she was your wife Loki..it just makes me think of things"

"What do you mean?"

"You loved her right?"

His eyes teared up as you questioned him, you didn't want to make him sad first thing in the morning. You really didn't want to hurt him today like you have always done.

"What is love really?" He chuckled as he grabbed your thighs and tried to get away from you. You hated this. Why did you have to do this?

"A feeling that made you want to beg her so she'd come back in your life" his jaw clenched as you said that. He abhorred feeling weak like but moreso he hated to be reminded of that.

"I seee…girls are talking to each other about me huh?"

He walked towards the stovetop to finish what he was doing, the only question that remained in your head was Why. Why did you have to ruin his day like this? You could have talked to him about this at some other time and with a different approach probably.

You heard the bedroom door opening and your eyes teared up, she was back. You didn't want to leave the conversation like this but you had no other option.

He wasn't even looking at you anymore and it hurt to say the least, after breakfast you went to your room to get ready. The whole day he avoided you and it killed you, you couldn't even focus on the damned photoshoot and it was all your fault, if things weren't sour he would have been there watching you and fucking you with his eyes. During the shoot you saw him grabbing Jolene by the hand and taking her away and that only made you more insecure. You knew he wouldn't hurt you like that but you still felt scared. You didn't want her to take him away from you.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop filling her head" He said to Jolene, he was pretty pissed off about this whole situation, he wanted to leave the past with her behind rightly where it belonged but ever since she had reentered his life for some reason she just wanted to keep bringing it up and hurt him.

"Fill her head? What did she tell you? I just told her the truth..you loved me, was i wrong?" She huffed as she finished her sentence.

"Noooo but you don't know the whole truth or what happened after that, now she thinks that since I begged you to not leave me I still must be insanely in love with you" he snapped at her making her flinch.

"I know you're not in love with me anymore Loki " Her lips trembled as she spoke "But are you in love with her? Because I really don't think so" his jaw clenched as she said that.

"You have no fucking clue what she means to me so all I want is for you to stay the fuckkkk out of our lives you hear me?"

He walked away and didn't even look back to check if she was crying, he was done feeling bad about the situation, she had no right to come back and judge him all over again for his life choices.

Unfortunately he still had to take her back home with you, He called Steve again but he didn't pick up so he sent several threatening texts. Probably not the wisest move to threat a detective but he was really furious at the moment. After dinner you went to your room and waited for him to talk to you because his indifference was killing you. As soon as he came you clutched on to him so he won't leave again.

"Just talk to me Loki please I'm sorry" you cupped his cheeks and got on your tiptoes to reach his level "I'm sorry I'm sorry .. I don't want to hurt you i swear I don't"

He grabbed you by the shoulders and pulled you closer to him, his thumbs wiped your tears then he kissed your forehead.

"I was all alone" your eyes flickered with different emotions you felt as he said that "She was all I had, so when she left I lost my mind, I had no one by my side, no-one to love or take care of, everytime I felt weak I ran to her, even after our divorce she was there whenever the need to fuck each other arised. On the night of her birthday I called her, she asked me to go see her so we fucked again and she promised me that we can think about us again, she gave me hope again. At the party I don't know what happened or what her friends told her but she wanted me to leave immediately, told me they didn't feel comfortable having me around them" you sniffled as he told you what actually happened that night, he was hurt and lonely, he needed someone to hold his hand but she only ruined him further.

"And I lost it completely, something snapped, I broke down, had a faint moment of weakness" he chuckled even though his eyes were brimmed with tears "I begged her to let me stay with her, i didn't want to be alone that night but she denied" you nodded as he said that, you grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull him closer so you could hug him and comfort him, he needed that even though you knew he'd never ask for it.

"That's half of the story, here's the complete truth that you wanted to hear" You looked at him perplexed and nodded again so he could continue "I picked myself up, went home, sat down in my bathtub, texted Steve to promise that you'd be taken care of no matter what and slit my wrist with a razor to end it all" you gasped as he said that, it shocked you to the core that he took that step, and how nonchalant he was about it terrified you but he had been broken beyond repair so it didn't really surprise you.

"I waited for it to end and then my phone buzzed. Steve reminded me that you would be out there in this cruel fuckinnggg world on your own soon and that's what brought me out of that darkness, that's what saved me my darling, you saved me that night" your crying ceased but the tears kept coming, the initials on his scarred wrist, they were yours.

"Lokii–" you whispered his name but he pressed his thumb on your lips.

"So whenever the doubt clouds your judgement or insecurities begin to ruin you, just remember that I'm still here because of you, for you and nothing else matters, only you do, forever and ever, for life" he kissed you as passionately as he could and then he pulled away from you

"Lokii please.."

"I just need some space, I'm not upset I promise yeah?" He whispered softly so you nodded, you didn't want to overwhelm him, you knew it was hard for him to share all this with you. As he walked out you sat down on the bed and thought of what he had told you, he was so broken that he wanted to give up but he held on because of you, so that he could take care of you his whole life, if there was any chance that you weren't madly in love with him already you sure were now. You took a silent vow right then that you'd never ever allow him to feel that way again, that you'd never make him feel so lonely again in life. Never. It will be you and him for life or for death, as long as you had him and he had you, nothing else mattered.

In the middle of the night you felt him crawling into the bed, his arm encased around you and he pulled you closer to him, you immediately turned around to face him, the dim light from the bedside lamp made you able to look at his swollen face. He must have cried, you really wished he'd have allowed you to comfort him but you wanted to be patient with him, especially after what he had shared with you, you just wanted to be there for him.

"Are you okay?" You whispered softly as his fingers ran circles on your back.

"Mhhhm" you leg wrapped around his waist in a spooning position and he sighed deeply. He probably would have died with that secret, he never wanted to tell you about it but now that he did he really hoped that you knew how much he needed you and wanted you in his life, he could never put his feelings in words but he really hoped you knew that he loved you immensely.

You got on top of him but he flipped you underneath him swiftly and then he kissed you, it started slow but heated up pretty quickly

"I love you Loki" you whispered between the kiss, you didn't need to hear it back, you just wanted him to know that he was loved and cherished by you and he was the most precious thing in your life.

"I know baby I know" he took his shirt off and for a moment you thought he'd fuck you like that, right here right now but then a part of you knew that he'd never take you so casually like this for your first time. He wrapped your legs around him and you moaned as his hardening clothed bulge rubbed against your core

"Have you ever done this before sweetheart?" He asked you, his voice was low and deep into your ears, he smelled so good that you just wanted to disappear somewhere with in his proximity

"Sex?" You asked him and he shook his head,

"Noooo...Thiss.. sweetheart" he humped slowly making you whimper in response, there it was- the sensation that made you want to lose all the inhibitions if you had any.

"Nooooo dadddy"

"Fuckk you're such a good girl" he couldn't believe that you kept yourself so untouched for him "What kind of things you have done in bed?" Your face flushed at the question as if he had never seen you naked before or that you didn't touch yourself for him last night.

"Ummm I kissed John and ummm he made me rub his cock from above the clothes, and I made out with Jaden plenty of times, and some of them wanted to fuck me but I didn't want to do that, and Ron ummm..he asked me if I'd suck his cock but I denied"

He got hard, so painfully hard at the thought, those men wanted to touch you, have you touch them and fuck them but you denied, for him, just so someday he'd take every little thing you had saved up for him

"Why didn't you do it sweetheart? Why didn't you suck his cock?" His pace increased as he questioned, his hips rolled in circles and then back n forth, stimulating your clit as his cock rubbed against them.

"For youu dadddyy.. always i just..ohhh God" you gasped as the sensation built slowly, your own hips moved mindlessly with his rhythm.

"Keep talking baby"

"I just wanted to do it with you, i have dreamt of you Loki, i have craved you and I have thirsted for you only" he smiled as you said that.

"You're so easy to please aren't you? So malleable for me, so very much desperate and I like that…alott"

"Dadddy"

"I know, baby.. I know…patience..I'll take care of you in every fucking way I promise, i promise my baby I promise I will, you're mine to do whatever I want to" your eyes teared up as he said that, you felt overwhelmed by the whirlpool of emotions. You were his, mind, body and soul. You have belonged to him ever since you laid your eyes on him.

A solid thrust and you were a goner, your body convulsed underneath him erratically as you came, you haven't had such an intense orgasm in a long time or ever really except last night maybe, it felt cathartic and it knocked you out for a moment, that's how you felt last night as well, every inch of your existence wanted to crumble and fall apart for him, a fleck of dust under his feet, that's all you ever wanted to be. He called out your name so you looked at him,

"There you go.. come back my sweet buttons" he murmured, he had a small smile on his face, you heard the pet name and it made your heart soar.

"Let me touch you please, i need you to cum.. please daddy" you whined and it made him snicker, he wanted to serve you the whole universe on a golden platter but he also wanted you to beg him for that. The sick twisted part of him wanted to keep you dangling at the edge of sweet release and he wanted you to suffer for him, hurt for him, cry for him. You were his to ruin afterall. He took his cock out of his trousers and placed your hand on his, you hid your face between the crook of his neck as you jerked him off slowly, up and down, he could tell you had never done this before and he loved that.

"Bite me darling, hurt me" he whispered in your ear so you bit it on his shoulder, gently, you didn't want to leave a lasting bruise, he needed to feel the pain so he could cum but you wanted to change that for him slowly. You gripped his hair with your free hand and pulled on them slightly, making him moan in response.

"You're so handsome, it makes me want to fuck you right now daddy" he snickered as you said that.

"I'll be the one to do the fucking sweet thing, you'll just take it like the whore you are" let go of his cock and pulled your panties down along with your shorts, your wet slick lips seemed inviting but he wanted to wait, he can't take you like this in the heat of the moment. You deserved better than that, you deserved the most tender lovemaking he could have offered you from his fucked up self

"Dont worry daddy, i just wanted you to have a view" He cursed under his breath as you rubbed the tip of his cock over your lips then you fisted him again, he tore apart your tank top and placed his face between the crook of your neck as the sensations began to build in the pit of his stomach.

"I love you so much.. you're the best fucking man I have ever known of"

His eyes moistened as you said that, he wanted to believe your words, he truly did but the monster that lived inside him told him otherwise. He didn't deserve such a precious girl.

"Baby… I'm close"

"I know, I could feel it, you're throbbing in my hand, so perfect. Need you to cum all over my soaked lips"

He moaned as you said that, a grunting sound escaped his throat as he came hard, the warm cum spilled all over your lips and it made you gasp. Before his mind could wander elsewhere and his need to get hurt could prevail, you scooped his cum on your middle finger and sucked it in, giving him something else to think about. He picked you up in his arms and you both showered together, you kept him engaged in a conversation but you could tell he was lost, he was thinking and you wanted to know everything but not today, he had shared enough tonight and you didn't want to push him too hard.

You giggled as he dropped you down on the bed, he dressed you up and put on pants so this time you'd be able to sleep with no interruptions but then his phone started to ring and he was about to turn it off but it was Steve so he picked it up immediately.

"Everything okay? I know you have been calling..but you know Peggy, she hid my phone somewhere..we were on a vacation" Steve sighed

"I know Jo told me" Loki sighed as well

"Jo? You mean Jolene?"

"Yeah about that..why the fuck would you —?" You sat up and hugged him from behind to calm his anger down, it worked because his voice softened instantly "Why did you tell her I was here?" he smiled as you kissed on his neck.

"What are you talking about Loki? I didn't tell her anything, she called me but I strictly told her that you didn't want to see her" Loki's eyes widened as Steve said that, if he wasn't the one to inform Jolene then how did she find out?

How Did she know he was here? Who told her?

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

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vbecker10 · 2 years

Text

Shadows of the Past

Part 28 (Part 27)

_______________________________________

(Y/N POV)

"Are you sure you don't mind?" you ask Loki for the third time in half an hour.

"Y/N, it was my idea, why would I mind?" he says from your kitchenette, his back is to you.

"I just don't like to be a bother," you tell him from your spot on the couch, putting your book down on the coffee table.

"Love, if I offer to do something for you and you accept my offer.... I don’t see how that makes you a bother?" Loki asks, turning to look at you.

“Well, yea but... no, that’s a good point,” you say slowly, failing to come up with a counter point. Even after your bigger operations, you never liked asking people for help. It wasn’t because you didn’t think you needed it, it was mostly because you felt like you could be a burden at times. You also weren’t used to someone offering to help you anyway you needed it and than meaning it. Most of the time people tell you to call them if you need anything, but they don't really intend to follow through. Loki was different though, when he told you he wanted to be there for you, he really was.

“Sometimes you are very odd,” he says with a smile and turns back to what he was doing.

“Ouch,” you say sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

He laughs, without turning around, “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

“I hate when you do that,” you tell him as you try to see what he is doing but all you know is he’s making something that smells surprisingly good.

He offered to make dinner since you had almost fallen when you were putting together lunch. You tried to reach for something in the upper cabinet so you leaned your crutches on the counter, stood on your right tippy toes... and lost your balance. You managed to catch yourself by holding onto the counter and Loki came over quickly from the couch to get you. You could see how concerned he was but instead of telling you shouldn’t be doing things on your own or insisting you keep resting, he just said it was only fair he handle dinner since you made lunch.

You get up as quietly as you can, using just one crutch to lean on. You walk up behind Loki and you start to laugh.

“Loki, you’re cheating!” you say, startling him a little.

“I am not cheating,” he said defensively, turning quickly to you.

“Yes you are, your using magic,” you point at the hot plates.

He looks to where you are pointing and waves his hand. The spoon in the pot of rice stops stirring and the bottle of stir fry sauce pauses midair over the pan of vegetables and chicken. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he says, taking the bottle and pouring it with a smile.

“Mischief,” you say laughing, “I’m going to let it go this time, but only because it smells really good.”

“Technically I am still cooking it,” he tells you, raising an eyebrow.

You lean on the counter and he walks over to you. “Hmmm... technically,” you agree.

He smiles at you and puts his arm around your waist. He gently touches your cheek and you look up at him smiling. “Next time no magic,” he says and you nod. He bends down slightly and pulls you close to him, so you can use him for support instead of the crutch. He kisses you and you kiss him back, not wanting to stop but the timer finally beeps for the rice. He sighs and kisses you one more time, making sure you have your balance before he lets you go.

You make your way back to the couch while he finishes putting dinner together. You can’t help but laugh to yourself and shake your head when he uses his magic to take the dishes out of the cabinet. He turns to you and shrugs but you can see the smile in his red eyes. It had been four days since Loki first showed you his Jotun form. Since then, he had been actively trying to spend more time in his true form when it was just the two of you in your room or his.

(Four days ago)

“Are you alright, Mischief?” you ask him about twenty minutes after he started icing your leg. He seemed to be paying less and less attention to the show, almost as if his mind was drifting away.

“Hmm?” he hums and you know he didn’t hear you.

“Loki, what’s wrong?” you put your hand on top of his and he looks up at you.

“Sorry, I just- I thought I was fine like this but I think I’d feel better with the illusion back up,” he said looking down at his hands.

You are hit with a sudden wave of guilt, “Loki, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you had to stay like this if you didn’t want to.” The last thing you wanted to do was make him even more self conscious about it than he already was.

He shakes his head but doesn’t respond, he seems to be drifting again. “Is your knee ok?” he asks after a minute or two.

“Yea, the cold really helped it. Thank you Mischief,” you smile at him but he doesn’t smile back. You watch as the blue slowly disappears, he turns back to the TV and starts to fidget with his fingers. You both sit in silence for a few minutes, you watch him and wonder what he is thinking about.

You shift a little and he looks up at you concerned, “Are you alright?”

“A little stiff, do you think we could take a short walk?” you ask, mostly to get him focused on something else.

“Of course,” he answers. Loki gently lifts your leg off his lap and places it down so you can sit up. He stands to the side, watching you get yourself situated with your crutches.

“All set,” you tell him and he nods. He gets the door for you and follows you out into the hallway. “I’d like to try and go up to the library,” you say as you start down the hall.

“Do you think you can make it that far and back?” he asks.

“I will probably need a break when we get there but I’m sure you need a new book or two,” you tell him.

“Good point,” he finally smiles at you and you feel a bit better.

You worry about him when he gets lost in his thoughts, you know they are rarely positive. You lean against him when you get to the elevator and he puts his arm around you, kissing the top of your head. You look up at him and tell him you’re sorry again.

He pulls back a little, “Sorry for what?”

“I didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable before, with asking about you being a frost giant, I- ,” you start to look down as you talk.

“Y/N,” he interrupts you as you both get into the elevator. “It wasn’t anything you did. I was the one who brought it up...” he pauses and then shakes his head. “I- I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that I’m not who I thought I was. I’ve never been able to accept that I’m Jotun but... I-I just wanted to help you feel better so I needed to show it to you,” he tells you.

The elevator opens and you go into the Library. Since it’s pretty late, there is no one else here, not that many people other than you and Loki come here anyways.

“Do you need to rest?” he asks.

“Yea, I think so,” you tell him and he leads you over to the couches in the back.

You sit as close to him on the couch as you can, leaning into him. He wraps one arm around you and rests his chin on the top of your head. Taking his hand in yours, you don’t say anything, trying not to push so he can go at his own pace.

Once he knows you are comfortable, Loki begins talking again, “Those first few minutes after I let you see the... the real me, you just accepted me so quickly. I wasn’t expecting that. That was the first time I ever felt like it really was ok for me to just be myself.”

You can hear the smile in his voice but he takes a breath and his tone changes, “But after... I don’t know what happened exactly. I’m so used to hiding that part of me from everyone, myself included, I just needed to put it away again.” He stops for a minute and then says, “I don’t want to keep doing that.”

You shift a little so you can sit up and look up at him. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be at a point where I stay in my Jotun form all the time... but I don’t want to hate it or be uncomfortable with it anymore,” he tells you.

You put your hand on his cheek and make sure he is looking at you. “Loki, I'm really glad you want to start accepting who you are. You know I’m here to help you with that anyway I can, right?” you say to him and he nods, smiling back at you a bit. “I just want you to know that it doesn’t matter to me if your an Asgardian or a Jotun. It doesn’t change who you are or how I feel about you,” you tell him with a smile.

“I know and I can’t tell you how much that means to me,” he tells you. You lean in and kiss him, he kisses you back hard. After a few minutes he asks if you are ready to go back to your room and you tell him yes. He kisses you again and then helps you get up from the couch.

You take a few steps and ask, “You know what’s weird?”

He looks at you suspiciously and says, “I know I’m going to regret asking, but what’s weird?”

“I know for you there’s a difference between being from Asgard or Jotunheim... but you’re still an alien either way,” you try to joke. You know it irks him when you refer to him as an alien.

He stops walking and laughs a bit and you give him a big, innocent smile. “I’m a God, not an alien. We’ve had this conversation Y/N,” he shakes his head at you.

“Yea but... you’re not from this planet, that’s literally the definition of an alien,” you poke him in his side and he catches your hand.

“I think sometimes you try to annoy me on purpose,” he says, still holding onto your hand.

You take a step away from him and end up backed against a wall. You pretend to look shocked and offended, “Annoy you on purpose? I can’t even believe you would think that.”

He laughs and closes the distance between the two of you, he puts his body against yours so your back is now pressed completely against the wall. He touches your cheek and runs his fingers down to your chin, tilting your head up. You can’t help but blush at how intensely he looks at you. “Mmhmm, I think you do it on purpose,” he says.

You shake your head no, but you suddenly can’t seem to remember how to talk. He licks his lips when he see you looking at them, and he smiles at you. His eyes slowly glow red and his skin gradually becomes the most beautiful shade of blue you’ve ever seen. You bite your lower lip as his change is completed. Loki moves his hand from your chin to the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair as he brings your lips to his. His other hand wraps around you, pulling your body to his, you kiss him back fiercely.

You have no idea how long the two of you stay like that but when he finally pulls back so you can catch your breath he says, “I think I’d like to try staying like this more often, if its just the two of us.”

You smile back at him, “That sounds like a really good idea Mischief. I just want you to be you.”

(Now)

“Where did you just go?” Loki’s voice pulls you from the memory.

“No where interesting,” you tell him with a smile as he sits next to you, placing the plates on the table. “Wow, this looks really good,” you say looking at the plate of rice with stir fried vegetables and chicken.

He smiles at you and takes a bite before asking if you are looking forward to tomorrow.

You nod excitedly, “It is weird that I can’t wait to get back to work?”

“Maybe a little,” he laughs. “Just remember you can’t work 15 hour days again right? You need to do things like eat and do your therapy,” he reminds you.

You nod, “I know. I’m just dying to get back into those files. I really want to continue my research into the base in Bulgaria and why Sarah was trying to get those two Hydra prisoners out, not any of the other ones.”

“If anyone can figure all of that out, it’ll be you,” he smiles at you and you kiss his cheek.

@michelleleewise @evansabove1981 @ace-of-gay @butt-ugly-popsicle-stick @poetic-fiasco @lokisprettygirl22 @soubi001 @kats72 @misswimberly @meibruges @juulle987 @asgardianprincess1050 @el-zef @xorpsbane @sweatyroadcowboyjudge @apine7 @lulubelle814 @annoyingcloudninja @yoongissidebitchh @ihategreeneggs @daggers-and-mischief @nonsensicalobsessions

Let me know if you want to be added! 💚

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worstloki · 4 years

Note

Well ok then, as long as you don't mind. I'm really enjoying this au, in fact, it's made my day of hell so much more bearable for me. So our ace/demiromantic Loki, say he somehow tells said friend of his feelings and they feel the same. Idk if this question is up your ally or not, if not I apologize in advance. Is he completely ace or grey-ace? Again, hope I'm not overstepping. # I'm just getting too into this au # because your hcs are top tier # that is all

I was aiming for completely ace, maybe sex-neutral leaning towards sex-repulsed, but you’re free to interpret it however you wish!

#i've basically just thrown him in the general direction of the spectrum and tried to keep the canon characterisation but he KNOWS he's ace #this is assuming he ACTUALLY fully trusts the person and thinks they care of course #pretty sure he'd put too much faith in people which is why a good friendship would mean the person literally has no ulterior motive #but I actually think that Loki would do this neat little thing where he’d force himself to sleep with someone if he thinks they want to #loki would just hate to be a burden or make them think he’s not more broken and all :)#assuming he somehow manages to get this far and they’re dating and the partner isn’t ace of course #if the other person was also ace they would be more likely to pick up on the ‘wouldn’t want to impose by saying no’ mindset #but you’ve also got to keep in mind that loki would have to recognize himself as asexual in the first place for this to work out #dude’s got worth issues literally in both directions #so on one hand he wouldn’t put himself in a situation where he feels forced into anything #on the other hand if he’s in that position he wouldn’t want to opt out #basically how much he values his own interest would vary so there’s loads of directions that could go #feel free to DM me if it's easier but I don't mind the anons #not since I started getting 'Laufey tops Odin' anons #don't ask #yes that is as bad as it sounds #it's also as funny as it sounds XD #loki's really just got trust issues AND worth issues in both directions #there's a reason I don't think MCU Loki needs a love interest #especially not at this point #see i've already forgotten to mention the fact that he's a frost giant and has that whole thing to keep him from *wanting* a relationship #maybe he doesn't think he deserves it or maybe he's happy with just a friend #depends on the person I guess

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spilledkauffie · 3 years

Text

Never Enough

Pairing: Loki x Female!Reader Word Count: 1.4k T/W: Sad, then comfort A/N: Vent fic 🙃 Loki comforts reader while feeling like they’re not “enough”

Loki pushed open the golden door, even though it was his own chamber he approached it carefully, “Darling?” he called out, before completely stepping in, the door closing behind him. He’d checked everywhere. The Bifrost, where you loved to stargaze, the gardens, the stables, your own chamber where you were technically supposed to be staying.

Approaching the balcony he caught sight of your figure, the hem of your Asgardian dress was caught in the light wind that made the fabric dance around your bare feet. You were leaning with your elbows on the balcony, chin in your palms, eyes fixated on the stars above.

“Darling?” Loki called again, this time softer as he met you.

With a slight startle, you straightened up, hands gripping the balcony. Looking over your shoulder you relaxed, “oh,” you smiled, happy with who it was, before you looked away again, seemingly in a bit of a daze.

Standing alongside you, he observed your expression. Your eyes were lined with tears, your jaw was tight, and you were in a battle to keep yourself calm. Hair blew in your face, but you didn’t care, your whole center was set on gazing forward and ignoring everything else.

“Do you want to go home, Darling?” Loki asked, placing his hand on top of your against the golden banister, as he brushed the hair out of your face with his free hand.

“No,” you attempted a smile, looking at his hand then up to him, whose eyes were set gazing on you, “quite the opposite actually, I like it here, with you. Away from. . .things.”

“Things?” he tilted his head, to try and keep eye contact with you as you ducked your head a little, “what kind of things?”

“People,” you breathed in an annoyed sigh, “words, emotions-”

“Are we playing a puzzle or can you give me a slightly clearer picture?” He furrowed his brows in the most sincere way, genuinely wanting to know what was going on.

You laughed quietly to yourself, nodding completely aware how confusing you were probably being, “sorry, I’m not used to people asking how I’m feeling,” you gazed up at the stars once more before turning to walk away from the balcony, “or actually caring for that matter.”

He followed you to the shallow stairs leading back into the bedroom, where you had sat down, knees tucked into yourself.

“You know I care,” he stood in front of you, “and you know you can tell me anything.”

You softly gave a smile, resting your head against your arms, folded on top of your knees. You weren’t exactly sure how to word it, it wasn’t life changing or detrimental, it just hurt, like a wound you’d not expected to receive.

“I don’t really know how to say it,” you admitted, as Loki joined you, sitting barely an inch beside you.

It was quiet for a while, but a needed, peaceful quiet. More of a calm than anything. You knew he would understand, but you felt guilty for even talking about your pain when there was so much of his own he was dealing with. But having him know you were hurting and not letting him in would be a cruel act in and of itself.

Slowly, you reached for his hand, and he willingly gave it. You pulled his hand into your lap, where you held it with one hand and traced his knuckles with your fingertips of the other. His skin was somehow always warm, but with a trace of a chill. It made you smile, remembering the first time you saw him with his Frost Giant skin. But that only reminded you of the pain he suffered and was reminded of daily.

With a small gasp and attempt to swallow your tears back, you furrowed your eyebrows on the brink of breaking.

“Sweetheart,” Loki moved even closer yet, taking both your hands in his, but leaving them in your lap, “please, how can I help? What’s wrong?”

“I thought-“ you paused, eyelashes fluttering as you tried to ignore the sting of withheld tears finally falling, “I thought I had stopped letting people get to me,” you subtly shook your head, as Loki watched a tear caress your cheek, “I guess I just never expected the people who love me to hurt me.”

Loki gave you a moment to breathe before starting, “I think it’s the deepest wound we can feel,” he sighed, knowingly, “because they don’t think it hurts, they think it’ll help,” he looked at your hands in his, “there’s always a lesson for us to learn it seems.”

Staring straight ahead, you took a deep breath as if the air was suddenly fresh, a weight was off your chest Your eyelids were heavy, tired, but your voice was even, “exactly, never enough.”

Pressing his lips together he swallowed, hating to see you in such pain, but also so vividly aware of the emotions you were feeling himself. It’s always second chair, never quite enough.

“Don’t even get me started on sibling rivalry,” you tilted your head, trying to smile out of an annoyance more than hurt at that one.

“Ah, yes,” Loki smiled, inhaling deeply, “we know that one all too well it would seem. When living under a shadow one rarely meets the sunbeam of praise and exaltation.”

Looking to him, you smiled, a compassionate understanding smile, that both said ‘I’m sorry that you can understand’ but also, ‘thank you for understanding’ as well. Your tears fell down your cheek, each like a little stream, until it fell. You looked down, giving a distressed, “oh no,” as you noticed some teardrops had fallen on his hands. You quickly tried to take a bit of your dress and wipe them off.

“Nevermind them,” Loki spoke in a whisper as he brought a finger to hook under your chin, causing you to tilt your head up just enough, you looked at him with lips parted and eyes heavy.

Softly, at first, his lips met yours, tasting the tears that had lingered on your lips. You melted into his kiss and into his arms as he pulled you closer, fingertips ghosting down your neck. It was such a tender warmth, you never wanted to leave.

“Darling,” he slowly pulled back and said almost breathlessly, “I want you to know that this will heal, I promise you. Sometimes people say things, in the thick of it. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. This is real, this hurts, but it will heal.”

You felt the tears welling again, and Loki could see your eyebrows knit together, as you tried to hold back. But he didn’t need you to speak for him to know how you were feeling now, because he’d known that very expression in himself as well.

“I know, Love, I know,” he cradled your head against his shoulder, feeling your tears now run against his neck.

“I just want to be enough for them, I’ve tried so hard-”

“Listen to me,” he pulled back from you, gently holding your hand while wiping away tears with his thumb, all the while staring straight at you, “you are enough, you always have been and you always will be. Other’s approval is. . .,” he didn’t want to speak hypocritically, “it might be a goal, especially when you want for them to love and support you, but it is not necessary for you to succeed. You alone hold the key to that door. And maybe- just maybe they’ll see what they’ve been missing, someday.”

You closed your eyes nodding, leaning into his touch which lingered against your cheek, “I know you’re not saying this only to make me feel better,” you met his eyes, “but because you’re in the same place, and I’m sorry for that, so very sorry.”

“It’s not your burden,” he shook his head, “all we can do is try to find solace and understanding within each other, it helps,” he softly smiled, “knowing you’re not alone in this world. . . and the others.”

You broke into a smile with a soft laugh through sniffles, Loki joined in, peppering kisses across your face as you tried to calm yourself.

“What a pair we make,” you sighed amused, resting your head on his shoulder, hugging him tightly.

“Yes,” he chuckled, kissing your forehead, “but I’m so glad we made it.”

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loving-all-for-loki · 3 years

Note

May I request a little something? Reader is an employee at the compound and is super shy.. and gets teased by some of the other agents relentlessly. One of the male agents gets kind of aggressive to her because she’s walking through the training area and he starts shoving her saying how she doesn’t belong. But not realizing why she’s there; she’s meeting Loki for a lunch date and he sees someone unworthy treating his lover like trash. If you don’t mind 🥺

A/N: Omg, totally, I had so much trouble figuring out which Avenger would be this mean, but also I feel like Steve would go to the gym to let off some angry steam so I went with him. Two things: The beginning is slow so I apologize and second, I did change lunch date to dinner for continuity. <3 It might seem a bit chunky because I did write some of this last night while I was tired, so I'm sorry if the quality isn’t the greatest.

Also, you're my first request, this notification made me very happy. Request as much as you want :)

You Belong

Loki x reader

Word count: 2201

Warnings: small mention of violence, mean!Steve, Loki fluff

Y/D/N - your dog’s name

It’s not like you hate working at the tower. In fact, it’s the best job you’ve gotten in a year considering you’ve been doing retail work for six years, but as soon as you heard about an opening at the Stark Tower, you resigned and applied.

Simple enough, your job includes watching security cameras and sitting at a desk. Sure, you’re a receptionist, but not much happens so you usually go on your phone and smile at the Avengers as they enter the building. You’re not complaining since you’re not the most outgoing person and the gods know what would happen if you were to have to interact with any of the Avengers (probably you spilling coffee on them or stumbling over your words). Most people don’t believe you when you tell them your job, but after a couple of your friends brought you lunch and crossed paths with the heroes, they stopped teasing you.

You’ve always admired the heroes. Steve, Captain America. You were told stories about him when growing up so when news broke out that he was alive, you became a fanatic. Then came along Tony Stark who famously announced his status as Iron Man and then the presence of an actual god, aka Thor.

They’ve been okay with you in the past. You thought that because they were Earth’s Mightiest heroes that they’d be nice to you, but they often shit all over you. You’ve attempted to say hi to them before, but you get mixed reactions every time.

“Good morning Clint.” … .“Even my deafness can’t drown out your annoying voice.”

“Good afternoon Thor.” …. “Earthling.”

“Mr. Rogers, there’s a package for-” … . “just send it to the floor. No need for conversation.”

Bucky, who is known to most of the world as the quiet boy, will wave and say hi every so often. You think he only likes you only because of your quiet nature, not freaking out over them or treating them like gods. The other Avengers ignore your gestures. Most of the people in the building will get ignored if they attempt to talk to any of them, or if they make the mistake and attempt to approach Tony Stark who will insult them then demand them to pick up his dry cleaning. You’ve been on the wrong end of his antics before, but it’s amusing to watch him mess with people who don’t know not to talk to him.

The attack on New York was the most memorable day, not because of the debut of the Avengers, but because of the introduction of Loki. Everyone was scared, not knowing what his intentions were until the creatures came. You remember working that day at the Tower when they came flooding down. Windows broke and people were going crazy.

Like the idiot you are, you just hid under the desk and hoped for the best. You could hear the screams and echoes of crying around you. It felt like hours before they were gone. Finally gaining the strength to come out of hiding, you found the US army in the building with Loki in handcuffs. You got a good look at the god before he made eye contact with you.

Ten seconds felt like ten minutes as the two of you stared at each other. You couldn’t tell his facial expression due to the muzzle like thing over his face, but the way he looked at you made butterflies in your stomach. You couldn’t decide if he scared you or intrigued you. He sized you up, either in case he needed to fight you or he was checking you out. Then came more action.

There were double agents then Loki was gone. You weren’t even sure what to make of it. Months went by without the sight or even talk of Loki. Life went by like normal with the Avengers coming and going and your coworkers bitching about something that you didn’t concern yourself with.

Loki showed up one day out of the blue. Most people got nervous, but you felt the same feeling as the first time you saw him. You couldn’t even give him the same smile or wave as the others for a day or two, not wanting to look stupid in front of the powerful god. Picking up bits and pieces from eavesdropping on Mr. Stark, you found out Loki was staying with the avengers for a while as punishment for New York.

The thought of having to see the black haired god every day made you excited. There was something about him that was different from the rest. Maybe it was his power, or confidence, or even the way that he dressed. After a while, you mustered up the strength to wave to him as he entered the building, which shocked him the first time. He politely waved back, but then it became a habit. Then him buying you a coffee became a habit.

The first time you saw him drop coffee off by you was thrilling. You two became more than what you had with the other Avengers, every so often he’d even stop and talk to you for a moment. He learned your name, dog’s name, even your grandmothers. Your coworkers were stunned by the interactions, given the fact that you’ve never talked to any of them.

“Y/N.”

You look up to see the god saunter over you with a coffee in hand, Thor following close behind.

“I was wondering something.”

“Ask away.”

“Do you have a boyfriend, by any chance?”

“Of course she doesn’t. Have you seen… her?” Thor teases

“Go away, you lug.”

Thor rolls his eyes at Loki as he walks away, watching you two with a suspicious eye.

“I’m sorry for my oaf brother.”

“You don’t have to apologize. The Avengers see me as a burden.”

“That’s not right. You’ve been nothing but helpful, at least sine we’ve known each other.”

“I’m glad someone feels that way.”

“Anyways, you didn’t answer my question. Do you have a boyfriend?”

You felt the heat in your cheeks as he asked the question and hoped Loki doesn’t see your embarrassed rosy tint. Although you try to not let the heroes get to you, Thor is right. You have no chance of getting a boyfriend.

“I’m not… I uh.. No, I guess. No, I don’t.”

“Wonderful, so I take it you have no plans tonight?”

“Uh, no, I don’t.”

“Perfect. Meet me in the Avenger’s living quarters at seven. Wear something nice.”

Loki’s words linger in your head all day until you’re in your bedroom picking out something to wear. You know Loki, he’s flashy, bold. Nothing you own is flashy or bold enough to match him, but he also said something nice so is flashy and bold the way to go? You let out a frustrated sigh when your dog comes to the sound. He starts licking your face, sending you into a laughing frenzy.

“I know, Y/D/N, you make things better sometimes.”

You pet him for another moment before returning to the current dilemma. Searching through your closet, you pick out a simple black truffle dress knowing black will work for any occasion. You settle on some gold earrings and red lipstick. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you pray to whatever god that you’re not overdoing or overthinking the situation.

The night floods over New York as you drive to the Avengers tower. Every possible circumstance flows through your head. Good ones like Loki being into you, the date going well, possibly marrying him one day. Then the bad ones like this are set up, he’s going to be rude, he’s going to be demanding and pushy. As you pull up to a red light, you slam your forehead on the steering wheel. What are you doing to yourself? This is the god of lies, mischief, after all. There’s no way this will be some normal date he asked you on.

Oh my god, he asked you on a date. You’re going on an actual date with an actual god.

You pull up to the tower and park. Bringing yourself up the courage, you get out and make your way inside. Most of the workers are gone besides the security and one receptionist, Katie, who is by far your least favorite coworker. She stares at you in shock at your appearance.

“And where do you think you’re going dressed like that, missy?”

You get all flushed by her teasing, heading straight towards the elevator with hopes of no more interruptions. The attention you got from her was already too much. What if Loki makes a big deal? What if he goes on for what feels like hours about how you look? What if he doesn’t say anything? What if you’re not what he expected?

Trying to shake away the negative thoughts impaling your brain, you walk off the elevator as the doors open. Looking around, you realize you don’t really know where the living quarters are. You’ve never been on their floors before. Most of the time, the elevator won’t take anyone but the Avengers up there due to Tony Stark's well made A.I that practically runs the tower.

You wander the floor slowly, taking in every sight as you walk. You silently thank yourself for wearing small heels since you could hear a pin drop. The large windows display the night sky so well, showing every inch of New York below you. The light from the moon shines in the hallway as you make your way down.

A large thumping sound comes from the end of the hallway, drawing your attention to it and away from the scenery. Slowly, you make your way over to the sound, hoping it’s an indication of where you need to go, but it’s not like you know any better. The sound staggers, going off every so often but not consistently. You wander your way to a room with the door wide open, the sound emanating from it.

You peek in to see Captain America going at it on the punching bag. He’s shirtless so the lights reflect right off the sweat dripping down his body. You’ve always known the serum made him this buff super soldier, but the way his body is completely… perfect… is beyond you. Steve stops for a moment and turns around.

“What are you doing here?”

“I-”

“You shouldn’t be here. This floor is for Avengers only.”

“I was just meeting-”

“What with Tony? Are you just another one of his booty calls? I know you don’t speak much, since you’re all ‘shy’ and that,” Steve says, putting a sarcastic emphasis on ‘shy’, “but sorry to burst your bubble. Stark doesn’t date his receptionists.”

You are stunned into silence. In all of the teasing you’ve received from the Avengers, you’ve never had any of them treat you like this. You freeze up, not knowing what to say or even do besides fiddle with your fingers.

“Nat was right. You’re just some dumb secratary.”

That was the final blow. You back up quite quickly and go back down the hallway. You try to not mess up your makeup as you cry the whole way there. Steve’s scoffing is still able to be heard down the hallways until he comes up to you. He pushes you over, stumbling over your heels, as he walks away, muttering about you not belonging there.

As Loki exits his room, he hears a muffled cry from somewhere off in the distance. He wanders the halls to see you walking slowly towards him, trying to contain your tears. Anger eters his body as he storms towards you, raging at whoever or whatever made you cry. Then he sees Steve push past you in a hurried manner, muttering something to himself. Loki grabs his arm right before he can manage to pass by.

“What did you say to her?” he shouts.

“I told her she doesn’t belong up here. She’s a receptionist for goodness sake, not a very important one, but one that isn't allowed up here.”

“Did it ever come across to your small mind that maybe she does belong here?”

“How would she be?”

“Maybe because I asked her out on a date and told her to meet me here, but let me guess, you’re too shoved up your honorable and glorious ass to hear her speak?”

“Not like she speaks much.”

“And when did that ever stop you with the Winter Soldier?”

Steve stares daggers at Loki until he realizes the god may be right. Not wanting to admit his own fault, he scoffs and yanks his arm out of Loki’s grip, walking away to the showers. Loki looks back to see you staring at him.

“I’m so sorry, love. He’s not as great as he seems.”

“No, he’s right. I don’t belong-”

“Don’t you dare say that. You do belong here, as much as I do, especially when you’re with me.”

You smile as his kind words, feeling the desperate sadness fading away from your mind. Loki reaches out for your hand with a gentle smile.

“Now, I believe we have dinner waiting.”

#loki fluff #loki imagine #loki fan fiction #loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #lovingallforloki #anonrequest

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

Note

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

#asks #charlotte replies #loki pokey artichokey #loki series #loki series criticism #loki meta #tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide attempt #tw suicide #tw mental health #tw depression #i spent two fucking hours on this yet i still feel like it's rambly nonsense #i hit stream-of-consciousness at some point and just went with it #and now i'm too lazy to revise #so i'm sorry #this'll probably only get like 10 notes anyway bc that's how it be on tumblr #put effort in and get little validation; put no effort in and everyone loses their minds

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lokisprettygirl · 2 years

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Better late than never! 😅

BMUBMD'S new chapter is far from boring🥺...for me it felt kind of a calm one but filled with many (sweet) details...

Thor asking Loki to take Charlotte (with y/n) to work...I still like the idea of double dates 😁💚💚❤️❤️ because it seems things between Charlotte and Thor become more serious.

'...you can do whatever you want with me dear god of mine...' yessss, sounds good😉❤️‍🔥🥵

The protective gesture with the spell for y/n came at the exactly right time and it became useful soon, thanks to our god, he suspected something would happen to y/n in the future. And he's still afraid he's going to hurt her again, too. 🥺

There's a little wind of change, y/n thinks more about the future and Loki follows her advice to live in the moment 🤔🥲. It's so sweet that his wallpaper of his phone is a photo of them together...and y/n praised him that he learned how to do it...proud baby😍

The angst when y/n couldn't connect with Loki 🥺😭..I hope there's no new conflict because Loki didn't tell her where he was...

Hot smut🌶 and frosty babies 😭😭💙💙 oh yes please, it's always on my mind now...and what a big step in healing and looking forward 😁🥰 accepting his heritage and considering to have a family with his favourite princess...that's adorable 💚😭💞. They would be a wonderful family and both deserve nothing less than happiness.

It warmed my heart when they spoke about that y/n never hated Loki and was always thankful to have him and what he gave to her and that he is the best man there could ever be 🥰💚

Loki really cares for his women. To put y/n into his vault and Frigga too, so they can meet each other in a safe place, that y/n is not alone and/or can get out of there when he maybe get hurt in the war (please don't let him die 🥺😭) is so thoughtful 🥰😍. I'm looking forward to the moment when both women get to know each other...I think he would put Thor into his vault too if there wasn't the need to fight together against that raisin ass...

A long comment again and as you can see I didn't find the chapter boring 😅💚

I think boring wasn't the right term. I Take it back 😂

I guess in future if everything is fine thor and loki might go on that double date but I just know loki will roll his eyes all the time 😂

He had been working on the spell since that incident, before that he thought he was capable of protecting her but now he knows that she is not safe anywhere. It was really thoughtful of him to include himself in there, he knew he'd never want to touch her with I'll intentions but in case someone gets him again atleast she would be safe. (I'm getting carried away, comments makes me so happy but you get it)

Him mentioning frost puppies without even realising that a part of him is accepting his heritage is a step forward in his healing, he's learning to let go of the shame he used to feel about his truth.

He knows Frigga can hold her own when it comes to fighting physically but he's still worried about her even though they have to talk about him resenting her still for all the lies, it was fifty percent him wanting to protect her that made him send her to the void and fifty percent was so y/n could get out of his vault with the help of Frigga since she's the only who knows how to do that apart from him.

I'm so glad you didn't find it boring 😍💚

Edit : The only reason loki didn't want her to worry about the future was because he doesn't want her to feel upset or get sad about it. That's not her burden to bear 😭 he'll be there for her until the end of the line and he wants her to live a happy life now.

#asks #mcufan72 #build me up break me down

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justthehiddleswrites · 3 years

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Accidently Married | Tom Hiddleston x OFC | Chapter 4 | You should worry about the people you care about. I mean, I worry about you all the time.

A/N: Tom makes certain comments about an ex (who is unnamed). It is a fictional girlfriend, take from it what you will. Keep your hate to yourself.

SERIES MASTERLIST HERE

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Molly Bishop)

Summary: Tom is stuck in a news cycle from hell; Molly is stuck in the dead end job of bartending with a pile of student and credit debt. Tom has an idea to solve all their problems. Get married, get the paparazzi off his back, divorce after a year and Tom pays off Molly’s debts. Tom has everything figured out, that is until he sees Molly as more than a just a friend and so does someone else. In this vying for affections who will win, the handsome Brit or the boy from Boston?

This Chapter: Molly is making friends and life is settling into a routine until Molly gets sick and Tom takes care of her.

Warnings: fake marriage, smut (vaginal sex), mentions of: child abuse/neglect, foster care, substance abuse, cheating.

TAGLIST IS OPEN! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED! THANK YOU FOR READING!

–

Molly left that afternoon with two new numbers in her phone and a lunch date for next week.

“Can’t believe you are having lunch with my mother and sister without me.” Tom pouted on the way back.

“Once they heard I wasn’t working and didn’t know anyone, they insisted. Was I supposed to say no?”

“You could have scheduled it when I could come.”

“But you are so busy. And talented.” She poked his side.

“I’m driving here, darling.”

“Sorry, but just one question…” They pulled up to a red light.”

“What?”

“Are you ticklish?” she attacked his side and Tom squirmed and giggled.

“You will be the death of me.” He panted as Molly stopped when the light was green.

“Note to self. Tom is very ticklish.”

“No, no notes to self. That is something you can promptly forget.”

Molly batted her eyelashes. “But real husbands and wives would know these things about each other. We have to pull this off for an entire year, right?”

“Fine, but expect revenge.” Tom wagged a finger at Molly.

“I’ll sleep with one eye open.”

Over the next several weeks, Tom and Molly fell in a routine. The marriage certificate came in the mail and they applied for a family visa for Molly to stay there.

“I didn’t think you would want to become a citizen.”

Molly smirked. “No, not right now.”

A new debit card came in for Molly.

“With great power…” Tom handed it over.

“Yeah, yeah, Loki.” she tucked into her wallet. “I am burdened with glorious purpose. To keep you well fed.”

Molly had a standing date with Emma every two weeks, much to Tom’s consternation. They continued running together in the mornings. Tom, more often than not, ended it with a kiss.

“This is becoming quite the nasty habit, Mr. Hiddleston.” she commented one morning.

“Then stop me, Mrs. Hiddleston.” He pecked her lips again.

Molly blushed. “You just love what they are saying about us in the papers.” She pushed Tom away and towards the door.

“I will admit the good news is definitely a perk. Plus, you are such lovely company.” He went to hug her, but she pushed him away.

“You are all sweaty, Tom. Take a shower and I will make breakfast.”

“French toast?” he asked hopefully.

“You ate the last of the bread yesterday.”

“Pancakes?”

“I think I can swing pancakes, if…” She held up a finger. “You also eat a side of fruit.”

“Deal.” Tom headed towards his room wearing a huge grin.

Molly shook her head as she grabbed a mixing bowl out. “Lunatic.”

One morning, Molly wasn’t awake when Tom got up to run. She almost always beat Tom up, sipping a cup of tea in the living room, reading a magazine or one of the books from his shelf. There was a small stack building on a side table of the ones she finished reading. But that morning, no half-drunk cup of tea perched precariously on the coffee table. No crossword puzzle half done in pen.

Tom peaked into Molly’s bedroom. The covers, in colors of navy and grey, just like his, pulled up tight around her. There were a few prints of classic travel posters on the wall.

“Molly, darling.” He called out. Usually that was all it took to roust Molly from her sleep and get her going for the day. Today, nothing. Tom stepped into the room. He felt like an intruder in his own home.

“It’s time for our run, love.” He said a bit louder this time.

Molly rolled over, groaning and coughing. Tom’s brow furrowed. He didn’t like the sound of that cough. Tom sat down on the edge of the bed and rocked Molly gently by the shoulder.

“Are you feeling okay, darling?” He hoped it was just allergies or waking up in the morning. But then she woke up.

“Uggh, Tom?” Molly croaked out before rolling onto her back. She was pale. So much more pale than usual. She coughed again, covering her mouth.

“It’s me, Molly. Are you feeling alright?” He repeated. “That’s some cough.”

“I’m fine, fine. It’s just,” She waved him off and pushed up to sitting, only to fall back onto the pillows. “oh, that’s not good.”

Tom placed the back of his hand to her forehead and replaced it with his lips, checking her temperature. She was running hot.

“You have a fever. I’m making you an appointment to see the doctor.” He stood, but Molly caught his wrist. Her palm clammy against Tom’s skin.

“No! It’s just a cold. Go on your run. I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep.” She insisted.

“Are you sure? It’s no trouble.”

“Go. I’ll be fine.”

Tom leaned down and kissed her very warm forehead. “I’ll keep it short. Go back to sleep.”

Molly nodded and rolled over. Tom tucked the covers around her and headed out. He barely made it to the end of the street before he returned home. It confirmed his fears when he stepped back inside and heard Molly coughing. Tom grabbed the phone and searched for a number and called it.

“Yes, Urgent Care? Do you have any appointments today? Name? Molly Hiddleston. Thank you.”

Tom helped Molly get dressed, averting his eyes when appropriate. Her entire body burned under his fingertips, but Tom noticed her shivering. She stumbled to the car where she slept the entire ride over to urgent care. Tom did his best to fill out the paperwork.

“What do you put for family history?”

“Nothing. Unless there is a place for mental illness, then check that. That’s all I know about. Mom didn’t chat much.” Molly muttered, leaning heavily against Tom. “Meth does that…” Her brow furrowed and she coughed again.

“Shh, darling.” Tom soothed her. “Only happy thoughts.”

Molly hummed and smiled. “Happy thoughts.” More coughing.

It took twenty minutes before they called Molly back. They didn’t let Tom back with her. He alternated between sitting with a bouncing knee, pretending to read on his phone and pacing the waiting room, making the other people nervous. After forty-five minutes, before Molly returned with several papers in her hand. She coughed again.

“Upper respiratory infection,” cough. “Along with a sinus infection and a viral infection.”

Tom smiled. “Triple threat. Let’s get you home.”

Molly’s hand, holding the papers, flopped up. “I have prescriptions and they want to see me again in two weeks. To make sure I don’t get pneumonia.”

Tom’s eyes widened. “That’s a possibility?”

Molly nodded. “It’s all in here.”

Tom took all the papers, skimming them, including a script for antibiotics as well as a cough suppressant. It all sounded grim. “Let’s get you to bed and I will take care of getting these filled.”

Molly coughed and nodded. “Thank you.”

She fell back asleep in the car. Tom carried into the house, not having the heart to wake her up again, and settled her into his bed, which was bigger, more comfortable and the bathroom was right there. Once she was settled and asleep, he headed off to the pharmacy. While waiting in line, Tom dialed Luke.

“Luke, is there anything absolutely pressing in the schedule for the next three days?” he asked after Luke picked up.

“Nothing I can’t reschedule, why?”

“Molly’s ill.” He bit his lips and sighed. “The doctors are afraid it might turn into pneumonia. And I…”

“Consider your schedule cleared until Monday. And tell her I hope she feels better soon.”

“Thanks, Luke. I’m worried about her.”

“That’s because you love her, Tom. You should worry about the people you care about. I mean, I worry about you all the time.” Luke chuckled.

Tom paused at Luke’s words but pushed it away. Of course he cared for Molly. That has the tendency to happen when you live with a person for nearly three months. Especially someone as congenial as Molly. Congenial wasn’t the word. Lovely. Molly was lovely. He laughed it off. “I worry about you too, Luke. I got to go.”

“Take care of her. Bye, Tom.”

After picking you the medicine, Tom popped into the grocery store and picked up some soup, drinks, and Molly’s favorite cookies. When he got back, she was still asleep. And still coughing. He put away the groceries and then checked on her.

“Darling, I’m back with the medicine. Time to take it.” He helped her sit up, Molly groaning the entire time. She swallowed the pill with a sip of water, gagging.

“That’s awful!” she coughed.

“Now the cough medicine.” Tom poured out the cough syrup and handed it over to Molly. She hesitated, sniffing it first. “Take the medicine and get a biscuit.” He held up a package of cookies.

“They’re cookies. I thought I ate the last of them.” she moaned, downing the cough syrup. Her face contorted. Tom smiled and handed her two cookies. “Good girl. Now rest. I’ll check on you in a few hours.”

“Don’t you have work?” Molly muttered as she laid back down. Tom pulled the covers over her, putting the cookies on the nightstand. “You had… interviews… or something…”

“My schedule is clear through the weekend. I am at your disposal.” Tom rubbed Molly’s back, and she purred.

“You don’t need to do that.” She half-heartedly complained, dozing off.

“And leave you to fend for yourself? What kind of husband would I be? It was no trouble. Now sleep, darling.”

“Mmm… kay.”

Tom busied himself with absolutely nothing. He flitted from reading a book to watching a TV show to peeking into the bedroom. At one point, when Molly was particularly quiet, he seriously contemplated putting a mirror under her nose to just make sure he was still breathing. He managed to get her to eat half a bowl of soup.

“You need to eat, love.” he scolded.

Molly coughed and croaked. “Says the man who considers chocolate a food group.”

“Look at that, some humour.” Tom smiled. “Eat please.”

“Yes, sir.” She slurped the soup off the spoon before falling back asleep.

Tom, worried, did the unthinkable. He called his mum for advice.

“She’s coughing. A lot. And all she does is sleep.” Tom ran his hands through his hair.

“Is she eating, love?” Diana asked. Tom could feel the smile across the phone.

“A bit, but not as much as usual. I brought her soup.”

“Soup is good. And she is taking her medicine?”

Tom nodded. “I set a timer.”

“Of course you did. And the fever?”

Tom blinked. “What about her fever?”

“Has it broken?”

“I don’t—”

“Tom!” Molly’s bedraggled voice called out.

“I gotta go. She needs me.” Tom hung up the phone and sprinted to the room.

“Molly! What is it?” He noted she was shivering.

“I’m cold.” she chattered. Tom grabbed the blanket at the foot of his bed.

“Is that better?” He tucked it under Molly’s chin. Tom touched her forehead. Hot.

“Much.”

“I’ll let you rest.” He patted her shoulder and stood. Molly reached out for him.

“Stay.” She coughed. “At least until I fall asleep. Please lie down. Just five minutes.”

Tom’s heart broke in that moment for Molly. That confident woman he grew so fond of seemed so small in that moment.

“Of course, I’ll stay. Anything for you.” Tom crawled on top of the covers next to Molly. He laced his fingers in hers. He heard her exhaled, and he exhaled too.

“Sleep well, darling.” But Molly had already fallen asleep. Tom soon followed.

Molly woke the next morning in sweat soaked pajamas and on top of drenched sheets. She still coughed, but her fever was gone. As she blinked her eyes open, Molly realized she wasn’t in her bed, but Tom’s. And Tom was there too. Asleep next to her, fully dressed, holding her hand. She had vague memories of Tom bringing her soup and her asking him to stay. And some very not safe for work dreams.

“Fever dreams.” she muttered. “Tom…” Molly rocked his shoulder.

“Huh?” Tom sat up. “I guess I was more tired than I thought.”

“It’s hard to be a nurse. I think your sheets may need washing.” she smiled.

Tom pressed his lips to her forehead. “No fever.” His spirits lifted.

“It must have broken last night.”

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Tom noticed their hands still laced together. He let go and stood up. He made a poor attempt at smoothing out his sleep wrinkled clothes. “Up to move to the couch? And maybe some movies?”

“I would like that.” She slowly sat up and got out of bed. “But first a shower.”

Tom frowned. “First medicine, then shower.”

“Nurse Ratched.” Tom didn’t smile or budge. Molly sighed. “Fine, medicine, the shower.”

Tom grabbed the bottles and dispensed the medicine, which she took still gagging. “And a biscuit.” He handed her a cookie.

“Cookie.” She popped it into her mouth and headed off to her room and Tom went to his own bathroom.

Once they were both showered and dressed, Tom popped his sheets into the laundry and made a makeshift bed on the couch for Molly.

“You pick the movie.” she offered. “That way if I fall asleep, you won’t be bored.”

Tom picked The Jungle Book. “One of my favorites as a child. I still watch it when I feel under the weather.”

“I don’t think I have seen it.”

Tom’s mouth fell open. “That is a travesty.”

Molly shrugged her shoulders. “You know, group homes, foster care…”

Tom stopped. “Well, we are going to watch this right now and you can listen to the vocal genius that is George Sanders as Shere Khan.”

“More of a vocal genius than you?” Molly raised an eyebrow while she settled onto the couch.

Tom blushed. “A man-cub, how delightful.” He purred deep in his chest, sending shivers through Molly.

By the end of the movie, Molly’s head was in Tom’s lap and his hand in hers. They watched Disney movies for the rest of day, alternating picking the title. Tom made sure she took her meds on time and ate more than just cookies.

“I will eat a meal if you do.” Molly chided.

They both ate soup and Tom also ate a sandwich. It was late when they finished up Robin Hood. Molly stretched and sat up.

“I should go to bed.”

“I can put the sheets back on the bed.” Tom moved, but she stopped him, squeezing his hand.

“My bed. But I will keep the door open so you can spy on me.” She smirked. “I can’t take your bed again.”

“It’s fine if you did. I don’t mind sharing.”

“I know but…” She glanced away. “We should keep our own space. To keep things from getting complicated.”

Tom nodded. “Right. No complications here.” he lied to her and to himself.

Molly hugged Tom tight. “Thank you for everything, Tom.”

“My pleasure.”

She coughed a bit as she headed off to her room. Tom turned off the TV and cleaned the dishes before going to bed himself. He spent most of the night tossing and turning.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston x ofc #accidently married

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kaz11283 · 3 years

Text

Love Never Wins

Summary: Words will be said but do you really think either one of you mean them. Sometimes actions speak louder.

Warnings: slight angst

Characters: Loki, Thor, Y/n, Clint, avengers in the background here and there

Loki x you, Thor x you (platonic), Clint x you (brother,sister)

ANNOUNCEMENT: Not going to lie. This was going to be a simple short sweet straight to the point drabble but it turned into such a looooong one shot (i guess) I was in a good head space wgile writing this and just couldnt stop really. But it is something that I am very proud of.

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: I've had to make this a simple 2 part. I got way to carried away with everything in it!

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What's going on with you?" You yelled as you grabbed Loki by the arm pulling him away from the girl who was obviously flirting with him and he with her.

"What are you talking about? We were talking." He yelled back.

"You were flirting Loki in front of everyone! Openly! Don't play me for the fool you think I am. You've been off lately. Not around as much, zoning out when we finally have some time together. If there's something you want to say tell me now." You felt the tears rush to your eyes. You had seen all the signs, hell you were an expert at the signs. Multiple boyfriends had given you the signs before but for some reason you though that maybe, just maybe, he was diffrent.

"I just feel like we've grown apart in the last few months y/n. I don't think I can do this anymore." he said simply.

"You said I brought out the best side of you, that I was the love of your life." You said tears streaming down your face now, to hell with the makeup you was wearing you wasn't going back to the party anyways.

"You're not." He stated simply clenching his jaw.

"Ok fine. It's not the first time I've been broken up with. Just the first time that I had ever put so much into someone that I truly did see a future with just to have my heart completely ripped out in front of me. You got me good this time trickster. Don't think I'll be able to fully recover from this one." You spat back at him before turning to head up stairs to your room that the two of you had shared for so long.

Luckily Tony hadn't done anything to the room you had once occupied on a lower level of the tower so you easily moved all of your clothing back into there in a matter of no time. You weren't use to the feeling of being alone but thats all you wanted right now for the rest of your life. The god of tricks had ruined other men for you, he had once shown you love like you had never felt, and now your heart broke like it had never broke before.

"Hey sis, noticed you weren't- oh god what did he do?" Clint asked walking into your room. "Knew something was up. I could feel it."

"Hawk stop with the twin shit, its creepy." You huffed whipping your eyes on the back your long sleeve hoodie.

"What happened? All I know is you two disappeared, he came back, you didn't, and he said I should probably find you in your old room." He sat down next to you.

"We broke up. Easy as that. Ya know I never understood why they say not to date your co workers till today." You shrugged turning to him. "When we first got together you hated it-"

"To be fair he did brainwash me."

"I didn't say you didn't have a right. We kept it from you for a while though. But we hadn't been together long, Hawk, I thought he was diffrent from any man I ever dated-"

"Well he is a god, kinda different."

"Would you shut up so I can vent just for a little bit then you can go back to the party."

"Na, parties lame anyways, I was thinking about hanging out here for a little bit." He said kicking his shoes off and proping his feet on the coffee table throwing his arms across the back of the couch.

"Whatever," you rolled your eyes as you snuggled into your brother. "He was so kind, gentle, he was paciant with me. He knew that me and you were close and he didnt wamt to get in the way of that. He wanted us to be closer than he and Thor was. I think it helped him realize just how important family is when you only have each other. We kept it a secret for so long though." You pulled the hood up closer to your face. You didn't want to admit to yourself but you had kept the jacket because it still smelled like him.

"Nat seen the two of you making out in the hall weeks before you told anyone by the way." He laughed pulling you closer to him. " I didnt say anything though because I knew you would tell me when you were comfortable with it."

"I love him so much and he played me. Completely tricked me into these feelings that I dont think will ever change." You sobbed wrapping your arms around his waist, he through his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer.

"Hes a dick with a god complex. Hes not good enough for you at all. Coming from a brother, a twin brothers point of view, I think you could do better. All is fair in love and war, but dont put it past me to be a little rougher on him during training, and I wont point anything out if you happen to let some bad guy kill him on the field." He said kissing the top of your head.

"Hawk, you know I'm not like that. I habe a reputation to up hold." You said slapping his arm before pulling away. "If you wanna stay theres still some of your sweats that I stole in the bedroom and ice cream in the freezer, but your sleeping on the couch. Its been since we were kids that we shared a bed but I bet you still kick."

~~~~

A few weeks had passed since you and Loki had called it quites. You had been mainly staying in your room trying not to cause any uncomfortable silence if you and Loki wede in the same room. On one occasion when you had ventured out to the living room you seen Loki holding an icepack to his eye and a busted lip, your first instinct was to rush over and make sure he was ok but instead you turned and took a seat between Thor and Clint.

"Lady Y/n, as always your peresnts lights up the room. We just havent been seeing much of it as of late." Thor greeted you with a warm smile throwing his huge arm ober your shoulder, making you look smaller than you already was.

"No more gods." Clint mumbled beside you.

"Thor is just a friend. One of the best I have." You laughed. "What happened?" Nodding toward Loki.

"Payback." He shrugged.

"Ah yes, it turns out Loki is not very good at hand to hand combat unles he is able to use his magic." Thor laughed. "I always tried to get him to train with me but he never did, turns out he probably should have."

"Oh for god sakes I'm right here and you three are not really whispering. I shouldn't have to learn hand to hand combat I have my sedair! I'm assuming it was just your brothers idea so that he could get back at me." He yelled.

"And you forget that there could come a time when you might need hand to hand. I told you many times that you needed to train but no mister 'I'm Loki prince of Asguard, burdened with glorious purpose', mister I have my magic. Bullshit. Your just sour because a mear mortal bested you at something. Grow a pair and learn how to actually fight." You jumped up. You had finally snapped. It had been coming tough sitting in you waiting for the right, or wrong, time to show up.

"You watch your tone!" He shouted jumping up. "I know how to fight better than half the people in here." Clint and Thor slowly stood watching the scene in front of them neither one know what to do.

"You know how to use your pixie dust to make things happen! Well guess what tinker bell this aint Neverland. We get in weird predicaments all the time you never know what to expect." You yelled back. "Hell Loki, your probably so bad at hand to hand even I could beat you."

"Oh your on. Training room, 30mins. That is unless your scared?" He said giving you a mischievous smirk.

"Trust and believe I'm not afraid of you by any means. No weponds, no sedair strictly hand to hand." You said turning on your heel to walk to your room to get ready leaving Clint and Thor standing alone in the living room aww struck.

"So what do we do?" Clint finally asked.

"Well of course we have to stop this. It will not end very well." Thor answered.

"So tell the others?"

"Yes you tell the others I will get refreshments for the battle." They took off in seprate directions.

#loki and thor #loki avengers #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki daily #loki #loki angst #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #loki fandom #loki x y/n

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watery-lane · 3 years

Text

Words into Smoke

The Night You Cared Sequel.

Pairing: Modern!Ivar Lothbrok x Reader

Summary: As a part of his therapy, Ivar writes letters to unwind and keep track of his mental health progress. He writes to his mom, he misses her. He writes to Sigurd, sometimes he regrets his departure. One night, he writes about her.

Warnings: Angst

Words: 3864

A/N: (3/5/20) I had this idea in my head that I simply could not let go.

(10/4/21) P.S: Can’t promise I’m back, but I’m definitely turning to writing as a way of winding down. I hope you guys are alright.

Part I / Part II / Epilogue

Some nights, while the city sleeps, Ivar stays awake. Like an owl looking for a prey, the Ragnarsson remains seated upright at the edge of his bed, his now heavily tattooed chest exposed to the world through the panoramic window, heaving. Beating.

Some nights were amazing. He got his drivers license, and Freydis got him an adapted Bentley as a gift. He would spend the nights driving by himself down the empty streets of Kattegat, not worrying about speeding tickets or angry neighbours.

Not so long ago, he learned his wife was finally carrying a child, her round belly reminding him that he had a legacy to keep, now that the Lothbrok dynasty seemed to be more fragmented than ever. After spending thousands of krone on in vitro fertilisation, the universe seemed to work in his favour. Their favour. If the gods were unwilling to bless them two, science would. These were the nights that were made for celebrations, champaign showers and water for the mother to be.

Some nights were alright. Ivar would come back after a long day of meetings and getting his ass kissed, to find Freydis immersed in her little personal projects. He would tell Erik to pick up some takeaway while he washed away the power and wrapped himself in mundane clothes. He would eat in silence, elbows propped on the counter and eyes on the horizon, watching the sun kiss the skyscrapers goodbye as he mindlessly put food in his mouth. Then he would take his new baby for a ride, to the bar he now owned with his brother Hvitserk.

Ivar would go there, check the inventory and the register, ask the employees how everything was going and what could he do for them. Sometimes he would also find Hvitserk at the bar, practicing the cocktail skills he had been mastering since he took over your share of the bar. Ivar would simply walk past, not entirely avoiding making contact with his sibling but prefering to keep a healthy distance from the person that substituted you. He started visiting the local more often after you left, feeling the responsibility to continue what you started. He found peace in the simplicity of managing a bar: at the office, he was a tyrannic boss, voice always booming through the walls, keeping both employees and investors in check. At the bar, he was just the young lovestruck Ivar he once was. He understood then, why you wished to escape from it all. You are just a memory now, but sometimes he still feels you around, checking on the girls, checking on him.

Some nights were... Painful. Therapy had a big presence in his life. He no longer needed a cane thanks to nurse Hansen, his physical therapist. But on some days, the stress and the weather would simply take a toll on his legs, forcing him to carry around that metal stick that reminded him that he was, in fact, human.

Before you left, Freydis figured out a question that would calm Ivar down and make him focus: “What would Dr. Nielsen tell you to do?”. That was how she got him to control himself and open up the last time he was onstage, the night she met you. They were just engaged back then. Oh, how quick did time pass. Ivar no longer organised events like that. He was too consumed by his two jobs. There were nights where Freydis would be on business trips, or out hanging out with friends until the next morning, nights where absences were felt more than presences. But he was coping now. Dr. Nielsen helped the youngest Lothbrok greatly since his great breakdown.

Ivar had thought he physically felt his heart break the night he got down the stage to find you, only to figure out you were gone after most of the guests had left the hotel ballroom. He felt compelled to call you dozens of times to ask for an explanation. After his calls went unanswered, he decided to drive around town in search of you, not knowing where to start, not knowing where to ask, anger poisoning his brain and taking over his actions. That night he stayed at Loki’s after barging in to see if you were hiding there like “the coward you were”. He hated the fact that you could make him feel that weak. It felt like he was putty and Freydis was fire, hardening him the more he was exposed to her. You were water, turning him into a pliable being, at mercy of your actions.

For five days in a row, he found himself staying at his office until late at night, observing his office telephone with attention and indecision, silently praying for you to pick up the phone, practicing the rage filled words he was about to rain down on you the moment you uttered a response. He prayed with ill intentions, but he prayed nonetheless. It was his last resort.

The earth seemed to crack open and swallow him whole the moment he gathered all his courage and dialed your number, only to hear an automated voice telling him that the number no longer existed. He sat there, phone on his hand as a white noise took over the voice message, thinking about the different possibilities that could have happened for you to cancel your line. Maybe, he thought. Maybe I really asked for too much this time.

“Fuck no,” Ivar reflected out loud as he tossed his phone away, “In no fucking way this is my fault.”

“Ivar?” A distant voice reverberated through the glass corridors. It sounded familiar. The youngest Ragnarsson frowned, weirded out by the fact that one of his brothers was still in the office this late.

It wasn’t just one of his brothers, but the three of them.

“Freydis called us asking where you were. You’ve been out late at night for many days in a row, she literally just confronted each one of us asking whether you were having an affair.” Hvitserk said, arms crossed as he leaned on the door frame. “That woman nearly dragged each one of us out to look for you.” Ivar pursed his lips, outraged by such accusations from his then fiancée.

“Well, tell her I’d never do such thing.” He answered, swatting his hand in annoyance. “I am surprised she came to that conclusion, knowing how busy I always am as the bloody CEO!” He exclaimed, letting the following silence fill the room as he flashed a disdainful look towards his brothers.

“Why are you here, brother?” Ubbe finally dared to ask, observing his youngest sibling sway in his chair from side to side.

Ivar looked up for a brief moment, like a puppy who lost his favourite toy, and decided to tell them the whole story. That the had the hunch you were back from a strange event where someone knocked on his penthouse door. To that, Ubbe awkwardly shifted in his place, still listening intently. Ivar explained that he sent you an invite to his inaguration gala and how he asked you to stay for his speech so you could have a dance afterwards, unaware of the utterly personal turn his speech would take just because an old man decided to drink a bit more than usual that night. How he waited for you, called you and looked for you tirelessly, frustration filling his voice as he talked about how you had been avoiding him for a week now, changing your phone number in the process.

“If she thinks she can avoid me by changing numbers she’s dead wrong. We’re business partners, for fucks sake!” He complained, registering the situation as a burden. “I’ll find her new phone sooner or later.”

Unbeknownst Ivar, tension had been gradually building up as he spoke, his three brothers standing still in their places, not knowing how to break the news. Sure they knew this day would come, but none of the three expected to be trapped with the ticking bomb. It was way too soon. Too recent.

Hell, it was about you. It was most likely no amount of time would soften the blow.

Ubbe took a step forward, leaning on the hardwood desk. With a resigned tone, he mumbled:

“She’s gone, Ivar.” He swallowed. “(Y/n) left Kattegat.”

Already motionless before, Ivar remained still. He darted his eyes to look at his brother, confusion and fear brewing within him, fueling a fire he thought it was extinguished the day he made Sigurd leave. With trembling lips but a determined voice, he asked how did he know. How did Ubbe Ragnarsson, the brother who would stab his youngest sibling in the back at the slightest opportunity, know the whereabouts of his woman, while he sat there completely lost, disoriented.

With an attempt of a soothing voice, Ubbe confessed that months ago he offered you a job position to work on a humanitarian project he had running in Haiti. Aslaug had stated in her will that she wished to expand the non-profit organisation she created to other countries and Ubbe decided to make his deceased mother’s wish come true. He told Ivar that while you rejected the offer at first, you ended up accepting it the night of his gala. That you made him promise to make the process fast and discreet, and that, while you insisted on paying for the plane tickets, Lothbrok Inc. paid for your travel expenses and necessities. You left three days ago, unnanounced, with only Ubbe at the airport to bid you farewell.

Hvitserk, who remained silent all this time, let him know that you were no longer the owner of the bar you opened together. At that, Ivar panicked, his eyes wide open as he snapped his head towards his older brother. You simply signed a transfer contract, with Ubbe as the witness and five krone as the contingency, stating that you were returning the property to Lothbrok Inc., thus paying your debt to the family and releasing yourself from any ties to Ivar. He tried to soften the blow, letting him know that he didn’t know you gave him your share because you were leaving. He thought it was a rash decision that stemmed from seeing Ivar with a fiancée, that you’d come back and take back the business when you were ready. He promised he’d take care of the bar as well as you took care of it, that nothing would change under his management.

Ivar listened intently, motionless. His breathing was deep, yet steady. He never moved a muscle voluntarily, but his nostrils flared with every breath and his hand, hidden under the desk, shook incontrollably as he processed their words. His piercing gaze was focused on the oldest Aslaugsson, who was now relaxing and straightening his back as he regained his composure.

It felt like every action happened in slow motion, yet the blow came fast. In mere seconds, Ivar had propped himself forward from the chair, one of his hands grabbing the jacket Ubbe was wearing while the other, contracted in a fist, made contact with his right cheek. That is when Bjorn, who had been silent during the whole exchange, stepped in, grabbing the torso of his youngest brother as he struggled to keep himself standing, making sure he didn’t hurt himself.

Sometimes, Ivar still hears his own screams.

“YOU TOOK HER FROM ME!” Ivar accused, eyes absent of tears but voice cracking at the end of the sentence. “SHEWAS GOING TO STAY,” He roared, fists swinging towards his brother’s face. “AND YOU FUCKING TOOK HER FROM ME!”

He lost it that night. The screams he released came from the depths of his sorrow, his eyes only registering red while all his nerves could only feel the desperation taking over his soul. Ivar kept trying to reach Ubbe, unaware of how he repeatedly banged his legs against the desk as Bjorn tried to pin him down.

But what started as a justified outburst gradually led to nonsensical, rage-filled accusations.

“You wanted to fuck her, didn’t you? You wanted her and you couldn’t stand the fact that she chose ME!” Ivar recriminated, grabbing a sharp glass ornament and throwing it to his brother. Ubbe pursed his lips, dodging the improvised weapon. “You did this to get back at me, hmm? YOU WANT ALL I HAVE, DON’T YOU?” He seethed, eyes and mouth wide open, exposing his teeth like a menacing predator as he let out a guttural laugh.

Bjorn was having a difficult time restraining him. Years relying on his upper body strength gave Ivar the advantage of resilience amongst his biggest sibling, while Bjorn struggled to keep him in place. Ivar managed to grab the second glass ornament, throwing it as he shrieked.

“DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” his voice boomed in the room, palm pounding his chest as his free hand signaled the whole place. “YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME, I AM IVAR LOTHBROK! YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!” Ivar kept shouting, cursing as he spat towards Ubbe.

Hvitserk stepped forward, having seen enough, ready to take on his little brother. To his surprise, Ubbe halted him, his arm creating a barrier between Hvitserk and Ivar as he observed with intent and horror etched on his face.

That night, Ivar lost the little progress he made. He broke his femur, dignity left behind as an ambulance carried him to the emergency room.

As if that wasn’t enough, he lost another family member to Lagertha that night.

With a reedy voice as he laid down in the hospital bed, he asked Ubbe one thing:

“Bring her back.” He whispered, his eyes stuck in the ceiling, pretty certain that if he laid his eyes on his brother, he would kill him. “She is working for Lothbrok Inc. now. Bring her back.” His request was met with silence. “That’s an order.” He swallowed, nostrils flaring with each ticking second.

“I’m sorry, Ivar.” Ubbe mumbled. “The Sigurðdóttir Trust is out of your reach.” He reminded him, reopening a wound that Ivar closed not so long ago. “That’s what mother wished.” Ivar snapped his head at the mention of his beloved mother. The brim of his eyes were red like his sclera, a menacing gaze stabbing his brother as Ivar grabbed his wrist.

“You have three days to gather your stuff and leave Lothbrok Inc.” Ivar seethed as he moved his face closer to his brother. “If you’re not gone after that, I will make sure you’ll leave the premises crawling like I crawled as a child.” Ivar swore, releasing his wrist as he let his head drop back to the sterile pillow.

Up to this day, Ivar still saw Ubbe’s action as a huge betrayal. He knew his older brother would return to his life as the new addition of Lagertha’s legal team, Bjorn granted his little brother this little backup plan.

Tonight, his thoughts weighted a little heavier. His eyes scanned the city before focusing on his bedroom, where he finds the clothes he wore today discarded on the leather chair. Behind him, his wife slept peacefully, her baby bumb protuding more and more each passing day. His legs were alright, but with the absence of physical pain he could sense his yearning looming over his head.

Ivar sighs and stands up silently, his bare feet and metallic support dragging on the tiles as he moved to his home office.

Dr. Nielsen taught him the importance of adapted emotional releases. She actively discouraged Ivar from indulging in his impulses and told him to write them down instead. For business meetings, Ivar was told to count until 10, 20 or even 30 if he was encountered with bad news. When it came to personal affairs, Dr. Nielsen told him to write letters addressed to the pertinent subject. Ivar could write them and discard them, write them and take them to therapy or he could write them and send them to the addressee.

It wasn’t the most effective exercise, but it kept his flame at bay. He needed to learn to do that, now that he knew he had a little one coming soon.

Sometimes he wrote to his mother, asking her questions about ruling an empire he wished he had the answer to. Those he kept, as a tool to reflect later on when his ambition peaked. The more emotional ones he’d take to Dr. Nielsen, a proof of his progress on his journey to... normalcy. The ones he wrote to Sigurd, those he threw away. In those pages filled with guilt and rage, he found himself cornered in a bleak past that seemed to refuse to let him go.

Tonight, he thought about you.

It wasn’t like you weren’t a constant presence in his mind, like an annoying tenant in his brain that refused to leave or pay rent. Ivar just chose to remember the best parts of you, those who could be found at the bar you owned, or on his bed when Freydis left him for the night. If he kept you alive that way, he would also keep alive that part of him he thought he lost. You were inevitable, like the pain after a blow or the kiss after a reencounter.

He wishes he could blame you. For leaving, for stepping outside the gala without waiting for your dance. For silently giving away your shares to Hvitserk, who the only thing he knew about bars was how to empty the alcohol pantry. But there is a part of him that cannot physically repulse you.

Ivar sits down and turns on the desk lamp in front of him. He finds his precious pen and puts a piece of paper on the desk. Before starting, he hesitates.

Dear (Y/n),

He groans, crossing the two words with disdain.

Hello.

“Hello?” Ivar shakes his head, crossing the word again.

Hi, princess.

Ivar cringes. No.

Frustrated, he discards the paper. He had done it before. Why was it so hard to do it all over again now?

Just... Jump right in. Start from the beginning, start from the middle, start from the end if you prefer. He recalls the advice of his therapist. Sometimes, formalities are overrated. It may help when you have nothing to say, but it becomes a burden when you got too much to say. Ivar reflected.

And so he did.

Every night I drive through the streets of Kattegat I find myself looking for you wandering around, looking for me to give you a lift, for the memory of our first reencounters were the ones that helped us find redemption.

It is weird, but I still have the need to find you even though I know you are no longer here. The idea of you lives in my head, that I am sure of. The feel of you, that is what I miss.

I guess part of me feels like I still need to apologise for something that I’ve done.

At the sight of his words written on paper, Ivar blinks. He never consciously thought much more ahead of his negations, his feelings dictating the perspectives he kept imposing to his reality.

He sacrificed so much for you. He tried to change for you. He went to therapy, he learned to walk. Ivar tried to become the right man for you, he really tried.

He wished you were there to see it.

Ivar doesn’t really know what he did wrong. All he knows is...

And now that you’re gone for good,

He shakes his head, crossing the last two words.

all I wish for is to be in the wrong this time.

Ivar huffs in frustration.

I wish I had been selfish, I wish I was the old Ivar. I wish I had begged you to stay, to manage this empire I never chos- by my side.

I know you would have never wanted this.

But I know you would have never said no to us.

Mindlessly, Ivar puts his pen in his mouth, a subconscious tick he developped not-so recently. Passing his hands through his hair, he sighed.

I started to smoke. He confessed. I know you never liked the smell, how it clings to my clothes, my mouth, how it lingered around the house when my brothers decided to have one one in their rooms. Ivar snorts at the memory. Not that you’re here to tell me off.

Freydis has been buying candles, they’re all around the house now. The smell of the cigarettes blends with the essences and I technically get to have fire dispensers in every single room.

“Maybe I’m waiting for you to magically show up and tell me to fuck off.” He whispers.

Suddenly, Ivar shakes his head, as if the physical gesture cleared his mind.

I guess I’ll have to stop soon, I have a baby on the way. He releases an airy laugh as he re-reads what he just wrote. Who would have thought, (Y/n)? A baby. Me. Your Ivar.

The young Ragnarsson lets out a tired sigh, strenghening his grip on the metalling pen as he mindlessly tapped on the crystal desk. With resigned resolution, he decides to write his last lines, telling himself that he is finally starting to accept reality.

I know you’re not going to come back. Not to the place we grew up at, at least.

If you ever do, I just want to let you know, as sappy as it may sound, that my heart will always be open for you, even when my arms are not.

I miss you.

I miss us.

Take care,

Ivar.

Dropping the pen, Ivar stares at his letter. His hands blindly search for an envelope, a frown etched on his face until his fingertips brush against the soft surface of the letter. You don’t know, but he found your new address. He searched around Ubbe’s old files.

With a careful manner, Ivar writes down your address on the envelope.

He stands up, walks to his living room and grabs a jacket as he makes his way to the exit.

All of the sudden he stops right on his tracks, his free hand almost reaching to the door handle. Freydis seemed to have forgotten to put out a lone candle, a tiny fragrance dispenser resting on the entrance drawer.

Ivar may not be aware of a lot of things in life, but one thing he was certain of: smoke traveled faster than mail.

His hand was trembling slightly, but it managed to follow his instructions. With a swift move, Ivar positioned the ephemeral piece of paper on the fire, watching intently how the flames consumed his words and took them to you. Discreetly, he threw the burning letter in the empty bin, the lid cutting short the trail of smoke escaping from the container.

He makes sure ashes are all what it remains from his indecent confession and makes his way back to the bedroom. Slowly but steadily, Ivar returns to bed, nesting himself between the sheets before holding his beloved wife in his embrace.

Tonight, he was human. Tomorrow, he’ll have to be a God.

The end.

Taglist:

Note: This is the old taglist I have noted from my past Ivar ficts. Please let me know if you want to be removed or added by sending an ask here.

@aesstheticallypleasing @captstefanbrandt @unicornbaby741 @fuckthatfeeling @huffelpuffers @yannii04 @collecting-stories @timber3 @darkwolfpeanutskeleton @vampsclassiffied @lenafarn @yourpurplequeen@youbloodymadgenius @lettersofwrittencollective

#ivar x reader #ivar the boneless x reader #ivar lothbrok x reader #ivar ragnarsson x reader #ivar/reader #ivar the boneless/reader #ivar ragnarsson/reader #ivar imagine #ivar the boneless imagine #ivar lothbrok imagine #ivar lothbrok/reader #Ivar One shot #ivar the boneless one shot #ivar lothbrok one shot #ivar ragnarsson one shot #ivar ragnarsson imagine

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karimac · 3 years

Text

...in the details, part 1

A/N: Warning for this series: 18+ audience (minors DNI), some cinematic level violence, some fluff and angst. Doubt that smut will be involved, but it may be implied. I’ll make sure that is noted clearly if it pops up.

Please do not repost or translate my work. Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

All mistakes are my own.

Word count: 1,198

“A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat.”

Sam Wilson said it. You heard it. Damn, you felt it. And it hurt. He knew it was more than that, and that joke was just not funny. And you’d tell him that. If you could.

The problem was that Sam was nowhere near where you were at the moment. By all rights, anything that even smacked of The Avengers was now marked on a page in the latest tome about your life with a very definitive “The End” written in swirling calligraphic script at the bottom of the page, followed closely by the same words written in Ogham. That was an alphabet not seen much these days beyond necklace pendants or old rock formations found in farmer’s fields on the road to one Irish town or another. That in and of itself still seemed weird.

If this had ended when you were working at The Daily Bugle, then it would have closed with a -30- before you logged off your screen. But this was not your ill-fated stint at The Bugle. Jameson was such a pompous twit, and he never took a moment to even try to understand why the world needed a friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man, let alone how a teen had been left to carry that mantle and had to now lift an even greater burden since his mentor was gone. That poor kid was going to need help, but you knew anything you had to offer would likely be more curse than boon.

But this nonsense with Sam? This was something you really couldn’t put your finger on yet.

Weeks ago, wait, it was months ago now, The Avengers saved the world one more time. You were there, right in the middle of the insanity before Tony Stark snapped his fingers and turned Thanos and his army into nothing more than dust.

As deaths for wannabe gods go, that one was justified, lame and incredibly sad all at the same time. And you should know. You’d seen almost every manner of death in the 1,500 years, give or take a day, which you had walked the Earth. It was not a warrior’s end.

The warrior’s end was saved for Stark. He reminded you so much of his father at that point. Supremely intelligent. Unflinching. Loyal.

When Howard Stark and Peggy Carter met you, you went by your birth name of Kari MacOrish. At least that was the Anglicized spelling of it. The true Irish spelling was a bit hard for others to wrap their heads around at times.

Your name is, was and always would be Kari MacOrish. You had gone by hundreds of others as time ebbed and flowed around you, but this was you. You had been, since your birth on a battlefield in what was now called County Kildare, Ireland, the earthly avatar of the Celtic battle goddess The Morrigan, and that was a lot less fun at times than it sounded.

But back to Sam.

You could now see the person he was talking to. Bucky Barnes. And Bucky was bringing up Gandalf? Why in the name of Heaven were they talking about fictional magic wielders? It was too bad Barnes had not started reading those Potter novels he had been gifted in Wakanda during his deprogramming and rehabilitation. Thank Thanos for that one. You were sure that Shuri had left them for him, and you were pleased he’d have one more thing to take his mind off the parts of his past that likely still dogged him.

But why in the world were you even thinking about that? You never were really an Avenger. Or more correctly, you had never let yourself fully embrace the title.

You would likely never have known if Barnes read those books or not anyway. He was a nerd. A kindred spirit. That was why that little detail mattered.

This, on the other hand, was just not making any sense.

Or maybe you just weren’t used to this new sense of not being a part of their lives just yet?

Getting up and leaving places much too soon had become a habit. You hated explaining to people about your secret, so you usually left Dodge before anyone caught on to the fact you were an immortal.

This should have been different. Thor knew you and called you a friend. You joked once that you and Thor would have been in the same year of high school if gods and avatars of goddesses shared such mundane things.

Hell, Loki even called you an ally at times. You had always hoped he would use the word “friend,” but that level of trust needed to be earned. And now the chance was lost.

Steve Rogers knew you, and so did Bucky, back from those days in the camp where they were sent out on those missions to hunt down The Red Skull and his Hydra minions. You had had to explain that you looked a bit different back then. Explaining glamours to those not versed in magic was a pain, but in this case, it had to be done. You also had to pour them drinks like you did in the old days and sing a few bars of “Taking a Chance on Love,” that Benny Goodman tune that Helen Forrest sang so well. Dum Dum Dugan loved that damned song. That sealed the deal.

Was it possible that the spell you had so painstakingly crafted to make them all not care about you once Steve had gone back to the past was actually working? That the only forms of magic they registered in their minds were brought about by books, movies and TV shows and, when they were part of the fight, Thor, Stephen Strange and Wong? No red haired wild woman with a sword? No bit of Irish sparkle in their days?

But that didn’t explain whatever this was. If the spell had worked, why were you able to be an eavesdropper on this conversation, wherever it was happening? It looked like an airport hangar, but there was no way you could be sure of it unless Sam turned around.

And why Sam? The brief time you were last with The Avengers—sitting in the middle of that fight at the compound as Thanos’ forces brought hell to Earth once more—you had been closer to Bucky during the fighting. It just worked out that way save for the few times you had to go skyward to keep some idiot from raining ordinance down on someone’s head. Wong’s wizard corps was very good at putting shields up as needed, but sometimes you had to get in an opponent’s face to take care of business.

Power stunts like that bugged some of The Avengers a lot. Then you reminded them that you were damned hard to kill, and that, if you did die, you had been around the track a lot more than any of them had been except for Thor.

But Asgard and a bloody battlefield in County Kildare were worlds apart from this place. The large sign told you that right off the bat.

Welcome to Westview!

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