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#maybe only I care abt this scene but I care it SO MUCH

suguruplsr · 6 months

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Agoraphilia

featuring.. Toji Fushiguro

✰ ✰ ✰ What's life like for Toji when he's dating a celebrity? A celebrity that just so happens to be you. And of course, life's nice.. but you just can't keep your hands off him. Who cares about paparazzi? Let 'em see.

,, model/influencer! Toji x fem actress reader , fluff + smut w/ small crack , based off “agora hills” by doja cat , toji is referred as a Zenin w/ small angst + comfort about it , PDA , dirty talk & pet names , mentions of sex in public places + limousine scene , mention of fans taking clips of you two kissing/ getting a bit touchy , choking , oral (f & m) , face fucking , riding + unprotected , clit licking , he spanks you once , reader wears makeup , you guys got recorded having sex (only audio + it was non-con) , exhibition kink (reader and toji aren’t that bothered abt anything at all) , it’s a lot pls lemme know if i missed smth <3

↬ 1K Event Masterlist

wc: 3.4k+

- divider @/benkeibear

Toji would say he has a good life. food, expenses always paid, access to practically everything in life, plus a big area to work out (his favorite), nice mansion, clothes, money, cars, and a lovely woman who is the love of his life, you. you’re quite the famous actor, making six figures and playing in multiple series that he makes sure to religiously watch. cuz’ he loves to see his woman on the big screen. and it’s not like he doesn’t work, mostly modeling and unexpectedly becoming an influencer, a good use of his name he’d say. posting workout videos and rating shit with his most honest opinions. there’s definitely complications of his most out of pocket opinions.

and perhaps there are a few things toji could say he doesn’t like about dating a famous person. like your fans. before your relationship was public, those damn losers had no restraints, trying to meet you in random places with any chance they had or getting touchy when you allowed hugs at meet and greets. he hates it even more when they try to touch you while you’re walking through the big crowds at events. like, let a woman be.

there’s other pet peeves, like nosy interviewers or weird directors you ended up working with, only to drop from their cast out of disgust. things any normal person would find annoying. the worst? pda. okay, it isn’t a pet peeve. but he wasn’t expecting someone as private as you to be all over him like you do. at first, he thought it was because maybe you just get bored out and about, but no. you just.. really fucking love him. and his dick of course.

“Somethin' different about you

Love it when he hit and smack too

Baby, let me lick on your tattoos”

“fuck, you’re wild.” toji grins against your lips, pulling away to adore the needy look covering your face. you two were laid in bed, him leaning on the headboard with you on his lap. a place you always find yourself at. you bit your lip, looking up at him with eyes full of want. “yea, just f’you though.” you didn’t understand the exact feeling you have for the large man. it’s more than just love. but it was something that you could only convey with physical affection most of the time.

you just need him, to feel him, to show him just how much you want him. you feel so comfortable with him. you two have been dating for over five months, already smothering each other in love in every way possible. “so corny baby.” toji, shakes his head, yet with an undeniable smile forming as you trace the tattoo that reached from his right shoulder up to his neck.

it was simple, a snake with an arrow shooting through it. you remember on a hot summer night, you two were laying in bed and just learning each other's bodies with small touches and kisses. you were on his chest when toji explained to you the meaning of his tattoo. rebirth and healing. to signify him not only getting away from the toxic environment of his family, but also healing from it. at that time, you didn’t know all the details. you knew what kind of people his relatives are, but to think they could’ve treated their kin in such ways broke your heart.

that day, you, drunkenly, swore to kiss and love that tattoo to hopefully give him the love he didn’t receive.

you still do.

“yea? you love me though.” you grin, making toji hungrily chase after your lips. it was messy, something you two love in your own way. raw and undefined as your lips lock perfectly. you hold onto his shoulders, him pushing you down into the duvet and towering over you. your eyes open slowly as he pulls away with a parting bite on your lips, so dreamily and entranced by him.

“damn right. can’t get enough of you.” he chuckles, sitting back to spread your legs. to think someone like him feels the same way as you. sometimes you think you’re too much, but he might argue the opposite. toji gives a small slap on your thigh, tugging away your panties to bless himself with the sight of your wet pussy. “can you eat me out t’night?” you whine, lifting your legs up as he gets comfortable between them.

his head disappears under, mouth muffled into your skin as he kisses your clit. “was plannin’ on it..” and he gives a fat stripe in your folds, causing you to gasp and lock your legs around his neck. he continues, amused with your ‘response’ and holding your thighs to pull you closer. he licks up and down, no care for your squirming and teasingly rolling the muscle around your bud.

“mm’yea love your big tongue toji~ wan’ it in me!” you whimper, tugging his hair and eliciting a guttural sound from him, his dick twitches in his sweats, tongue entering your pussy that welcomed him in with no qualms. the taste of your juices has toji moaning in your cunny. he gets sloppy, careless with his movements and flexing his tongue as deep as he can, kissing your folds periodically or opening his mouth wider to suck your clit and have you pull his hair harder.

“That's true that I like PDA, take it to a seedy place

Suck a little dick in the bathroom”

“you really into this?” toji grunts as you nod, keeping your crouched balance on your heels and unzipping his pants. amazing really, he thinks. you two were at some function hosted by a friend, snucked in a bathroom that someone is surely going to bang on if you two take too long. “yea, it's somethin’ we shouldn’t do. but fuck, you look so good.” you pout, fishing out his cock and kissing the tip. you don’t want to waste time, melting from the taste of his length and letting it sit on your tongue.

“really? shit.. c’mon baby, just get on your knees. i’ll get you a new pair of tights.” toji grits his teeth when you obey, giving your ‘thanks’ by taking his girth down your throat. you hold one of his thighs, other hand finding the base of his cock and jerking off what you couldn’t reach. it’s almost humiliating how quickly toji’s muscles are tightening, falling weak to the feeling of being so deep in your throat.

you let go of his cock, hands now clutching his thighs, and looking up at him all teary. he knows what you want, for him to just fuck your face and cum down your throat. he’s hit the fucking jackpot.

toji reached down with two hands, mindful of your hair that took so long to do and settling for grabbing the sides of your head. “want me to fuck your throat huh? yea ya do. gonna get rough baby.” he smiles, watching you get closer to him, wanting whatever he’s going to give you. he gives a low moan as he eases himself completely down your throat, you hollow your cheeks expertly, flush against his pubes before he begins moving.

he fucks your throat harshly, holding your head still as you moan around his dick. you look up at him through your blurry eyes, and he’s so handsome. jaw clenched with the veins in his arms popping, he gives one particularly hard thrust, slowing a bit and giving you time to actually suck his cock. the warm cavern of your mouth is just perfect, something that he could never want to get rid of.

“oh shiiit, fuck, fuck, fuck. fuckin’ love your mouth, gonna make me cum baby.” toji blabbers, groans filling the walls as you roll your tongue around him as much as you can. his voice, all deep and raspy, makes your pussy wet. closing your legs tight together and rubbing them to try dealing with the growing heat between your legs.

he pushes his hips forward, making you choke. “sorry baby, j-just gonna— fuck. gonna cum down this throat.” toji moans, looking down at your expression, he almost feels bad for the way he’s ruined your face. but he knows you love it, every single time. there’s loud wet sounds reverberating throughout the rest room. both of you hearing little ‘shlicks’ as spit drips from your lips and coats his cock. you squeeze your eyes tight as when he stops, your nails digging into the fabric of his pants while his dick basically quivers in your mouth.

you can hear the thick lump of cum before it pours down your tongue, pussy throbbing at the salty taste as the warm liquid slides down your throat until it turns into tiny little spurts. opening your eyes, you see toji’s head thrown back, body shaking in pleasure as he gives a drawn out moan. “d-definitely should do that often..” he mumbles.

“Who that man with the big strong hands On her ass in the club with the paps?" Baby, that's you”

‘whose the guy you were dancing with at the club in your recent post?’

you read the question aloud, already feeling giddy once you remember your activities over the weekend. “oh! that’s my boyfriend!” you grin, watching how the comments flowed faster through the insta live. it’s not like you hid him, if anything, you’re just always seen with him. but maybe he’s been mistaken for a bodyguard? you ponder. thinking about the recent comments and articles about you, they’ve never seen his face. well, at least not anywhere around you.

a damn shame. such a handsome man. your, handsome man.

‘yea who is he? he was so big lmao.’

“toji— wait!” you pause yourself before you let your big mouth rant, flipping the phone on the couch as you run through the house. you really hope that by some miracle they weren’t able to hear the name that slipped from your lips. considering you never really talked with the man about publicity, especially with all the extra things PR and management might force onto you.

shaking your head, you open the door of your gym room. if you could even call it just a room, toji was in the middle of his set of planks, headphones on and shirtless with a pair of baggy shorts. you almost let yourself get distracted, eyeing his sweaty form as you walk over to him. how the hell can he be so broad? well, you’re seeing in real time how he does it— but fuck, the mere structure of his neck and shoulders makes you want to wrap your legs around him.

“hey beautiful.” toji grunts, sitting himself up at the sound of his timer ringing through his ears. he slides off the headphones, grabbing the towel you hand to him and taking a sip of his water bottle. you stay silent, biting your cheek as you think about your next words. “what’s wrong?” he sighs, and you immediately cave, giving an exaggerated groan. “okay so maybe i may have just accidentally said you’re my boyfriend on live like three minutes ago and perhaps i could’ve just made a really really big mistake that i kinda want but i was just wondering—“

toji stands up with a chuckle, stopping your small rant with a pat on your head, hand moving down to hold your flustered face. “what’re you tryin’ to say baby?” “i was getting to that. but would you like, want to go public with me? like y’know.. actually tell people we’re dating..” you mumble, looking down as he shrugs. “i thought we already were since ya drag me practically everywhere. but go ahead. i don’t mind.” and you gasp, no way.

but it seems to be yes way from the kiss of affirmation toji gives you on your forehead before you run, more like slide, through your house in glee. getting back to your phone and confirming the wild comments that didnt stop.

“so yea, im dating toji zenin. y’know that hot guy from that one family..”

“Hot News! Actress [Name], popular for her character in — reveals that’s she’s dating the distinguished model, Toji Zenin, a workout influencer who is also a part of the well-known family—“ read more at…

“Front-seat chillin' with the window down I be ten toes down on the dash, gettin' fast food”

“that shit better be f-fucking soundproof..” toji groans as you shuffle his cock out his slacks. giggling with a sweet smile on your face that rivaled the dirty stuff you’ve whispered in his ear the whole ride. you have too much on your mind about your man to think about the partition separating you two from the driver. “it is.. maybe.” you mumur, mindlessly running your thumb along the slit of his cock. it glistened with pre, leaning towards you with small twitches as you greeted it with your lips.

you kiss the tip, purple lipstick stanning the lightly red muscle as you go further down. you have to remind yourself you can’t play with the hefty balls stuck in that stupid clothing, opting for simply pressing on them, knowing that was enough for him to shift, trying to feel the friction more. “fucker better not look at us weird— fuuuck baby, yea, just like that.” toji desperately wants to push your head further down as the warmth of your mouth envelops him.

you’re devilish. doing more that just sucking his cock and getting him off quickly. the image of him getting ready earlier was plaguing your mind, and even just the way he sat across from you ten minutes ago had you salivating. legs spread for freedom as his dark eyes watched you munch on the snacks left on the small table. you can’t get enough toji. but you damn sure are trying by bobbing your head up and down, not moving too fast, lips sucking tightly so he could hear the nasty sounds of spit.

“doin’ so good f’me. you can go a bit deeper, mhm, yea you can.” toji coos, placing a hand on the back of your neck, appreciating the show of your skin and running it comfortably. but it was so big for him to wrap it around your neck, choking you from behind and lifting your head up to see your fucked up face. or to push you further down, listening to the gurgling sounds as you choke on his length. “shit. that’s so hot baby.” he grunts, pulling you up for relief as you hiccup, clearing your throat and looking over at him.

you’re so gorgeous, he think— knows. the way your expensive ass make up was ruined, mascara and eyeliner smudged and he thinks some stained his pants too. but he could care less. especially from the way you kiss his jaw, him tilting it back further so you could paint it in little bits of purple lipstick that was left on your lips. “a few blocks away. please, lemme make you cum toji.” you whine, pouty lips meshing all over his skin as you move onto his lap, rolling up your dress.

thankfully, you were wearing a mini version of your sleeveless dress. allowing you to grind into his length, feeling the fat cock between your thighs. maybe you should post a small review to fashion nova later.

“baby.. fuck, don’t look at me like that.” toji grunts, falling victim to your puppy eyes as you eagerly move to align him with your hole. you take him in one go, both of you moaning as you fall onto his lap with a ‘plop!’. you love it, the familiar sensation of his dick molding your sweet insides, it’s like your comfort place. soothing you into placing your head onto his chest as your mind processes the feeling of him inside you. “makin’ me do all the work huh?” he scoffs, bringing his hands to your sides and starting to bounce you on his cock.

he didn’t have any remorse, you started this. he sets a quick pace that has you clawing his button up, each ‘plap!’ of your flesh meeting leads to his dick reaching up into your goey walls and hitting your g-spot. over and over again. “toji.. mm fuck, i love your dick..” you mumble, head tilting back with your tongue lolling out, too fucked out to even understand anything. only able to comprehend how good your man’s dick feels.

well at least the driver knows too?

“Hot News! Limousine driver goes viral for breaking the law and uploading an audio with the sounds of his clients apparently having sex in the back of the car. It’s not said who the people are, but fans suspect it might be—“ read more at…

“Hope you can handle the heat, put your name in the streets

Get used to my fans lookin' at you”

“baby they’re lookin’” toji groans, holding you tightly as you pepper his face in kisses, even daring to go lower to the skin of his neck that peeked out his collared shirt. “and?” you huff. you came to the airport to pick him up. and who were you to not love your man after nearly a month of being apart?

sure you could’ve waited, but fuck, you just missed him. “c’mon baby. i don't like those cameras on ya.” toji feels hot, something about knowing his woman having no care for the rest of the world does something to him. the clicks of cameras seemed infinite, and he almost felt bad for the bodyguards surrounding you two, keeping the phones and curious people at bay.

“just one more..” you mumbled into his skin, an arm reaching up around his neck and pulling him in. there was a loud sound of ‘aw’s and cooing as you two kissed. and despite his previous words, it edged toji on a bit, making him press further into you, leaning closer. his body trapped you, not letting you leave for air and keeping your lips locked. your tongues battled against each other, his winning and exploring your mouth so vigorously it made you whine against him.

as soon as your legs buckle, too hot and bothered from his actions, he pulls away, a string of saliva connecting your lips until he gives you one more quick n’ sloppy kiss. “we’re gettin’ out of here. fuckin’ wet arent’cha?” he whispers, grinning when you nod quickly, wrapping your arms around him as he picks you up.

the men in black surround you two through the paparazzi until you reach the designated ride. your head was tucked into his neck as toji throws the crowd a smirk, winking before shuffling you two into the car.

“Hot News! Famous actress, [Name], seen to be making out with her newly introduced boyfriend, the, Toji Zenin. is this a good pair? there’s already clips of—“ read more at…

“Fuck what they heard, I don't fuck with them birds

I'm a mean kitty, don't get stabbed with the rat tooth”

“shit baby. i think someone saw us last friday.” toji grunts, turning on the bed, phone in hand and showing your groggy self a video. it’s kinda blurry, the recorder whispering to themselves and getting a glimpse of you and toji sneaking away from a small secluded area. in the video, toji was close behind you, fixing the back of your dress as you fixed your messed up lip gloss. you only hum, reading the caption,

‘saw them at the VMA awards last week.. were they doing you know what? in public too?’

you grin up at toji, bringing a hand up to read through the comments. most of them were assumptions that you two did fuck. considering there’s already a few small infamous clips of you two kissing or getting touchy in public places. you notice that people mention it to be shameful, which you admit, it kinda is.

it’s only shameful if you feel shame.

“you don’t care huh?” “nah.” you giggle, watching him put away the phone before pulling you over onto his chest. you give a small yelp, looking down at his tired form and dragging your hands along his body. “why not baby? don’t you gotta rep? hope y’r not getting emails or stuff about this too..” he sighs, gripping the plush of your thighs and meddling with it as you lean down to kiss him.

“yea, but i don’t care. we still get offers, opportunities and stuff. everything’s well. soo..” you shrug, making him laugh as you grind on his chest. you two were barely clothed after your activities last night, your panties being the only thing keeping your cunt from his defined muscles. “you’re crazy.” and you grin, “your love’s got me lookin’ so crazy right now—” “oh hush, c’mere n’ kiss me..”

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alizalayne · 2 months

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Whats the ventilation and heat like in the suit head? I can't tell if it would be warmer or more cool to wear in compaison to a faux fur fursuit head. The only thing I worry abt is how durable needlefelting is and if it can be cleaned like a traditional fursuit head. That being said I really hope you continue making these, they're cool as hell 👍🔥👍

Okay first of all I'm super jazzed to be able to talk about this with people, and I kind of went overboard answering this, but thanks for asking! Putting this up in case anyone else is curious.

The main answers to your questions are 1: wool is cooler than acrylic fur and less stinky

2: A fursuit head is a swamp and i am snorkling in it.

I mentioned this in my behind the scenes post and there are pictures there but I literally just made a snorkel out of a snorkel mouthpiece and two collapsible automotive funnels, the kind that you can bend into a shape so that you can get goo into a weird part of your car.

that snorkel piece goes straight out of a vent hole in the inside of the ear and I felted a pink skin flap in front of it and then felted white fiber into that so it just looked like a tuft. it worked perfectly, it's just that I couldn't talk in it that well. But I'm definitely going to keep using it if I can't think of a better mouthpiece for it because as SOON as I breathed inside the head instead of through the snorkel I was like oh my god everyone is living in hell.

You can see it in this picture a little bit. nobody noticed it at all!

My friend had made a much more traditional head with a bigass electric fan in it and he was having more heat issues than I was, because I cannot stress enough that acrylic fur is like, one of the most horrifically hot fabrics you can wear. I don't know how everybody is even alive!! and there's a layer of ACRYLIC BACKING on it! Also check out how "short-pile" my fur is, most of the head is only an inch thick, it's a half-inch bucket head made out of foam covered in maybe 1/3 of an inch of wool? the less space you have between the fibers the less heat gets trapped. I was shocked by how comfortable I was, and I was having migraine symptoms that day and was extra sensitive to heat. The con where we were had the air turned down and it was chilly outside, but I was shocked when I took the head off and shook my hair out and I wasn't even sweating. I had long hair in a wig cap under that thing and I wasn't sweating. It was crazy.

As for cleaning the wool, I cannot find anyone else who has done this who has cleaning tips for me, but the foam is what I'm worried about. After a few hours of wear there's nothing wrong with the wool at all, but i can TELL the foam is ever so slightly nasty, because the foam is polyurethane and wool is what you make hiking socks out of. I have some wool cleaner coming in the mail that's made for delicate needlefelted items like scarves and deposits lanolin, which is what keeps wool "alive" kind of like how you have to care for leather. It's definitely an experiment! Nothing ventured nothing gained!

I don't have an idea in mind for a second head right now and the next thing I want to make is a cowl so I can wear lower-cut tops with this head, but I might try something else if I think of an idea! I'm probably never gonna sell these because I'm weird about selling sculptures for whatever reason. They're like my living beasts.

But I definitely hope this encourages other people who might be interested in bringing needlefelt or other fiber art sensibilities to this space, that would be a massive complement and a high honor to give people a new way to enjoy a hobby that I know means a ton to a lot of people.

#fursuit

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sohnric · 8 months

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millennium bug – e. sohn

pairing: eric sohn x fem! reader

genre: 90s au, twenty-five twenty-one au, brother's best friend au, childhood friends au, fluff, slice of life, coming of age. older brother! sunwoo. essentially just eric being baek yijin. oct-nov scenes inspired by weak hero class 1. no plot just vibes im sorry

warnings: minimal swearing and thats all lol

word count: 19k

a/n: posting a fic for a new fandom is always so scary pls be nice to me deobiblr bc im literally abt to cry. also yes i am calling this a 2521 au bc the plot is so heavily inspired it might just be one. a special thank you goes out to @csenke for dragging me into stanning this group i am enjoying myself 🤞

there are some pros and cons to not having friends growing up. cons: you're always forced to tag along with your brother and his group wherever he goes. pros: his childhood best friend is kind of hot.

JUNE OF 1999

Being Kim Sunwoo’s younger sister is no bed of roses sometimes.

Sure, you get the occasional excitement of having him bring you rollerskating with you down the hill or the ever so rare moments of him defending you in front of your mother when you two have done something wrong (while never saying he was in on the bad act as well, of course), but more than often, you are met with his disgusted looks and insults whenever the two years older boy passes by your room and casually bangs at the door just to spite you.

His snarky looks are especially ones to remember. Maybe it’s because he offers them to you often– much like in this very moment, completely unprovoked, and completely not by your fault.

“But mum–”

“I already told you, Sunwoo,” your mother looks at him with a stern look in her eye, the one that makes chills run down your spine, “you can go if you take Y/N with you.”

“But nobody’s bringing their sister! Mum, come on–”

“Take it or leave it, young man.”

And see, your brother may be 19 years old, but he’s still in need of getting permission to leave the house if it includes an overnight stay. It’s an unspoken rule he always follows, since he’s usually granted the right to leave, but the result of his conversation was different than what he expected this time. And see, you may be just two years younger than him (one year left until you are an adult), but even though your mother is too busy to take care of you and entertain your slowly adultling self on most days because of her highly demanding job, she always makes sure that you don’t stay alone for long, and that’s exactly why (you realize, contrary to your brother) she insists on making you tag along on Sunwoo’s trip to the beach house with his friends.

The male grunts and turns on his heel, not giving your mother another response– and with this, you know she won. And that means you’ll have to pack your bag soon, because you know that there’s no way Sunwoo would miss going to the beach house with his friends– even if it meant making his little sister tag along.

And sure enough, Lee Juyeon’s minivan pulls up into your driveway only a few hours later, and the sound of the honking outside is enough for your older brother to aggressively drag you outside of the house, shutting the door behind you and hollering an angry “Bye mum!” to your mother. Your figure is handled with the least amount of care possible as you’re thrown towards the white van, the door opened and 5 heads already peeking out with expecting eyes, waiting for your brother’s arrival.

“My mum made my stupid sister go with me, so I hope we have space for one more,” Sunwoo huffs as he throws his bag into the trunk, slamming it with more force than was necessary (boy does he know how to throw a scene), an encouraging voice of none other than Juyeon– the driver himself– landing in your ear.

“Sure, just hop in!”

With that, your feet finally unglue themselves off the ground and bring you into the vehicle. You’re familiar with his friends– since a scenario like this hasn’t happened for the first time and you had to spend your fair time with Sunwoo’s circle growing up, mainly because you never really had many friends yourself. You’re not close with any of them, though, and you’re sure you haven’t seen half of them for ages.

Lee Juyeon is the responsible one of the group. You’re comfortable with the fact that he’s the driver, since you’re not entirely sure if you’d trust any of the other men in this space behind the wheel (you fear the day your brother gets a driver’s license. You'd bet a million dollars that he’ll die while driving recklessly one day). Next to him on the passenger’s seat is Choi Chanhee, his best friend, carrying a map in his hands and twirling it in all possible directions to get his friend on the right track. In the three-seat behind those two is Ju Haknyeon, Ji Changmin and your brother himself, and in the very back of the whole van, almost in the trunk, you’re sat next to Eric Sohn– your brother’s childhood best friend.

“Hi guys,” you offer a greeting to all of them, settling into the uncomfortable leather seat (that’s peeling off, just by the way), watching as the rest of the men pay you no mind and ignore your voice, falling into a comfortable conversation with each other.

Sighing, because this always happens– your brother gets too annoyed because he has to bring you with him all the time, and you imagine his friends aren’t fond of the fact either– you settle deeper into the seat and cross your hands on your chest, looking outside of the window. You can’t imagine enjoying your trip now, since you feel like you’re a nuisance, a child they have to take care of (yes, it embarrasses you just the tiniest bit, you have to admit. Although, you do enjoy getting out of the house from time to time), and the fact that your feelings were probably more than justified and also true has you pouting, an unsatisfied feeling weighing at your lungs.

“Hi,” a voice resonates from your side, the sight of a smiling Eric peering at you taking you off guard. You didn’t expect anyone to react to your greeting– not so delayed anyway– and the sight of your brother’s best friend carrying on in the conversation with you has you shocked beyond belief. “Excited?”

Finding yourself hum in agreement– how much you are still excited for the pool and for the sun, you’re not really sure– and although you are upset, something about his open and nice demeanor has you visibly relaxing, the sparkles inviting themselves back into your eyes. “I’ve never been to the beach,” you admit, seeing Eric gasp at you in surprise.

“Really?” he asks. “I go every year with my parents.”

“Well,” you hum, “you know how my mother is…” you sigh, chewing on the inside of your cheek. It’s easier to joke about it than to actually let the fact get to you– with your mother being the main news anchor, she is too busy to actually go on trips and form bonds with her own children sometimes. That’s why you spent most of your childhood at Eric’s family’s house in the first place– this is what made you the closest with Sunwoo’s same aged friend. His parents were nice enough to let you stay over and have sleepovers whenever your mum had to leave suddenly and take week-long trips abroad, or have emergency shifts during late evenings.

Eric hums, sympathizing with you. “Well, at least you get to experience it now!”

“Yeah,” you awkwardly nod, playing with the hem of your jean shorts. It’s the shorts you made yourself by cutting the legs off your favorite pants after you grew out of them and they got too short, and they’re starting to look a little worn-out now. Maybe you should beg your mum to get you some new clothing.

The conversation between the boys grows in volume, doing nothing to help you to relax in the crowded vehicle. You can’t really find a place to fit yourself in and talk, the topics too unfamiliar for you and the feeling of not even being welcome in the discussion sitting heavy on your chest, when a finger bears itself to the flesh of your thigh, making you snap your head around to gape at the source of the contact. Eric looks at you with a boyish grin, sparkles evident in his eyes.

“Wanna see something?” he asks.

“Sure.”

The male digs around his backpack, hands searching through the contents of his bag for only a couple of seconds– since he’s the neat one, contrary to your messy brother– before he takes out a small gadget: a square with a little screen on top, a silver, circular button space sitting big in the very middle of the device. Eric throws the thing into your lap, smiling when you take it into your hands and examine it with curious eyes.

“Have you seen one before? My dad got it for me last week,” he boosts, satisfied with your reaction to it.

Your mother’s job pays quite well– meaning that you usually have the latest gadgets, the latest trends– but if you’re being honest, you haven’t seen one of these in real life before. Yes, you caught a glimpse of an ad for it in the town center, on one of the big billboards while passing by to get to school in the morning, so you know that it’s an MP3 player, but still; this was your first time touching one and examining it in real life.

“How does it work?” you ask, watching as the boy scoots from his seat to the middle one, so he is now sitting directly next to you, before he takes out wired headphones from the first department of his backpack and turns the little square over in his hands, finding where the jack goes.

“You put those in,” he says, plugging in the headphones, “and then you press this…” he explains, taking the device out of your hand and pushing on the power button for a few seconds, “and then it should play.”

Watching him with expecting eyes, the boy finally puts the MP3 player back into your hold. Then, his fingers swiftly put the respective earphones into your ears– like you’d do to a little kid that has no idea how they work, making you a little flushed at the action– and after that, you’re left with the sound of an unfamiliar song playing in your ears, making the sound of the chatter in the van completely tune out. Eric keeps on watching you, a sense of pride in his eyes as you nod at him, all excited with the new explory, before he takes one of the earphones out of your ear, grinning.

“Cool, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “The song is good,” you dumbly say, watching as the boy next to you pridefully nods at the compliment, resting his back against the car seat.

“It’s the H.O.T album. My dad says they’re good,” he mumbles, moving the headphone he took from you and placing it into his ear, making you nod at him in acknowledgement. The action has your insides bubble with disappointment, thinking that the fun is over as you reach for the other earphone as well, offering it to the male.

Eric looks at you with a shocked pout, shaking his head. “No, we can share!” he says, pointing towards your ear. “If you want, of course.”

The action has you smiling, a shy nod escaping out of you as you reach and put the earphone back into your ear, letting yourself fall deeper into the car seat, listening to the song from Eric’s MP3 player. You’re grateful for his presence– he didn’t have to keep up a conversation with you. He could ignore you, just like the rest of his friend group always has. Maybe it was something about the two of you growing up together that always made the boy at least a bit more affectionate towards you than the rest.

You spend the car ride to the beach house with Eric leaning on your side, listening to music and his occasional blabbering about how his previous days went.

Somehow, you're glad the seat beside him was the only vacant one when you arrived to the vehicle.

YOUR SEVENTH BIRTHDAY, 1989

You don't quite remember when you met Eric for the first time, if you’re being completely honest. The first memory you have of him is of your seventh birthday party, although you’re almost certain the boy’s been present at some point of your life before– at one point, you think you saw a picture of him and Sunwoo, two chubby toddlers, watching you as you laid on a blanket on the ground somewhere in your photo album. As far as you’re concerned, he may as well have been there when your mother brought you back from the hospital– although you think he must have been too young for that back then.

The first memory you have of Eric Sohn is the day you turned seven– a gloomy, sad day that in the moment, you prayed you wouldn’t have to remember in the first place.

It was already established that while your brother is the social butterfly, you don’t have a big friend group. Actually, you could count the number of your friends on one hand, and since the amount wasn’t as big, your mother allowed you to invite them all over to your house to celebrate your birthday with you.

She baked a cake, she decorated the living room, hell, she even took a day off from work– something you deemed special, for it doesn’t happen often– and as you sat on the floor of your living room, the cake standing proud on the small coffee table, waiting for your friends to arrive, you hummed a song under your breath, the clock slowly passing the time you agreed for them to come over and celebrate.

At first, you didn’t mind it– everybody gets late sometimes, it’s okay. It was just a birthday party, and you had a lot of time. Not everything had to be set on schedule.

But the closer the clock moved to being one hour, than two after the time your friends were supposed to come, you grew worried. Your mother’s nervous pacing around the living room and her heavy sighs as she sat next to you on the floor, smiling at you in what you can only explain as sad way made you more and more anxious about the fact that you only had three friends, but all three of them seemed to not care enough to come celebrate your birthday with you. And as your mother finally took the final bow in the form of a soft hand on your inner thigh, her tone gentle as she called your name– “Y/N, I think we should light the candles,” you began to tear up.

You were supposed to eat the cake with your friends. You were supposed to hear them sing the birthday song to you. You were supposed to turn on the radio and dance around with your classmates, eat the sweets and unwrap the cheap, but heartfelt gifts they brought along with them to celebrate your birthday.

But none of these scenarios were happening, and you felt incredibly, incredibly lonely and sad. Forgotten, if you will. Not cared for, definitely.

Hiding your face into your hands, you started to cry. This disappointment was too big for your small heart to take, and you no longer cared about the cake, the candles, the seaweed soup your mother cooked for you to celebrate, the gifts, or the party. All you wanted to do was hide in your room and never come out– something about the whole situation felt deeply embarrassing, and to this day, the moment before the whole day turned around still makes you feel a bit ashamed of yourself.

Too busy crying, you didn’t notice your older brother watching you with big bambi eyes, a worried glance sent your way each time your sobs grew louder and louder. And maybe the boy only wanted to taste the cake (he’s been bugging your mum about it since the very morning, but he was always sent off with a scolding look telling him that he’ll get a slice when everyone arrives), but no matter what his true intentions were, his actions still managed to pull your seventh birthday party together in a way you never imagined.

The sound of the front door faintly resonated in your brain somewhere in the middle of your aimless sobbing, but you paid it no mind, thinking it was just Sunwoo going out to the yard to kick the ball. See, your older brother had never really known what to do when you cried growing up– it didn’t matter if he was the reason for your tears or if anyone else was. If he was the reason for your emotional outbursts, he tried to shut you up with his palm and get you to stop crying before his mother found out and gave him a scolding, but if someone else was, the small boy sometimes turned angry at the source. Kicking his classmate that once made a snarky comment about you and made you tear up or punching his friend when he was too harsh with you was all he knew to do in these situations, so he wasn’t the one to comfort you with words or hugs. It was only natural for him to escape in this situation.

You were brought to a state of shock and surprise when a hand landed on your shoulder, a familiar voice breaking you from your emotional turmoil.

“Why are you crying? We have to eat the cake!” you heard, your big, sad eyes meeting the small figure of the boy living next door, your brother nervously stepping from one side to the other right behind his best friend. “Can you light the candles, Mrs?” Eric politely asked your mum, pointing towards the cake waiting sadly at the coffee table, the figure of your mother leaving your side only shortly to get the matches from the kitchen and illuminate your face with the small flames.

Confusion mirrored your features as you watched your brother and his best friend sing the birthday song to you while your mum lit your candles, both boys clapping and dancing around, acting silly just to get a laugh from you. You didn't know how Eric got there, but you guessed there are some good sides to having him as your neighbor. The energetic boy did his best to brighten up your mood a bit, and when you blew out the candle, making a wish, Sunwoo even went as far as smashing your face into the cake to bring in the full birthday authenticity.

That got him a slap to the back of his head from your mother, as well as made you stand up from your position– no longer making you look like a disappointed bulk of pity– and chase him around the room, icing falling off your nose to the laminated floor. You got your revenge and smeared the chocolate all over his forehead (he let you chase him down only because it was your birthday and he really, really hated to see his sister cry, but he won’t ever tell you that) and as the three of you sat back down to the floor, watching your mother slice the cake and offer it to you on small white plates, you realized you suddenly weren't as sad anymore.

“What did you wish for?” Eric asked you, mouth full of cake and face messy with chocolate.

“I can’t tell you,” you hummed, eyebrows furrowed. “Then it won’t come true.”

“You probably wished for that doll you saw in the store the other day,” Sunwoo snickered as he swallowed, having you glare at him and send a sharp kick to his shin, unwatched by your mother (thankfully), as the boy fought you back, having no mercy.

Music suddenly filled the room as Eric stood up and put the radio on, his 9 year old brain smart enough to know how the device worked, his small figure dancing away to the songs playing on the single radio station you could play without carefully sorting out the antenna so it faced the north, and truly, you didn’t know how it happened, but it had you standing up and dancing around, exactly how you'd imagined doing with your friends from school.

The day wasn’t ruined– quite the opposite, really. It was one of your favorite birthday parties, and ever since then, Eric was invited to every single one you had after. And while Sunwoo may act like he doesn’t hate anything more in this world than having a younger sister, every time you feel like a burden to him, you remember this very afternoon.

You will never tell anyone what you wished for that day– but just to let everyone in on the secret,

it was to somehow, just like Sunwoo, find someone like Eric for yourself as well.

JUNE OF 1999

Standing at the side of the pool, eyes squinting from the inevitable force of the sun, you’re starting to regret your decision of coming along just a little. See, you usually don’t protest whenever Sunwoo aggressively drags you around and brings you everywhere he’s supposed to, because even though you love to see your brother angry (especially when you’re the reason behind the emotion), you’d also hate to see him miss out, but now, as the scorching hot sun is having no mercy on every exposed inch of skin– and believe me, there’s a lot of it, since you’re wearing your swimming trunks– and the sweat on your forehead is no longer culminating in beads, but rolling painfully slowly down your forehead, you do admit you’d be a little bit happier in the shade of your little room than here, watching the guys play volleyball in the comfort of the freezing cold pool.

And as the only female around the house, you settle with the patriarchy and bring out a small folding chair and a camping table alongside with a big, sharp knife, struggling to hoist up the giant watermelon you got in a grocery store on your way to the beach house, with the intention of cutting it and serving it to the guys later. Who knows, maybe they’ll like you a little more after that.

The knife sinks into the thick green skin of the watermelon easily, and so as you accompany yourself with the excited (and not so excited screams coming from the losing side of the game– mainly your brother himself), you cut up the fruit into halves, then quarters, and as you stare at the moon crescents settled on the camping table, you decide to play nice and cut up the fruit into smaller triangles as well, to really get on everyone’s good side.

The yearning for male validation awakes in a woman pretty early on in life. It’s an inevitable misfortune.

“Told you Sunwoo’s all talk but no game!” you hear Haknyeon yell out as the game seemingly ends, the younger boy lunging at him in the pool, fighting him for the truthful words. Glancing at the commotion, you notice the guys slowly getting out of the pool, making you heave out in victory– you’re finally gonna have your turn in the pool. Well, if they don’t decide to occupy it again before you even get a chance to get in.

“Y/N! You cut up the watermelon?” Eric asks a very obvious question, walking up to you with beads of water all over his half-naked body. His dark hair is damply sitting against his forehead, making him look like a wet puppy, but as the male gets closer to you, he drags his palm through the locks and pushes them back, revealing his forehead– a sight sweet to your eyes, but you refuse to pay it much attention in the heat of the moment. It’s just the sun making you delirious as the idea of finding him attractive flashes through your brain, that’s all.

“I did! Take one,” you smile, watching as the rest of the guys walk over to your little stand– while also obnoxiously swatting out water out of their hair like dogs, refusing to use towels like normal people– and finally, there it comes: appreciative smiles appear on their faces as they each take a piece, biting down on the fruit with delighted sighs.

Sunwoo walks up to you with a surprised look on his face, sighing as he messes with your hair. “If I knew you’d be our servant, I wouldn’t have even minded you going in the first place.”

“You do something nice for people and they jump on the chance to exploit you,” you hum, shaking your head in disbelief. “That’s just like you, Kim Sunwoo.”

“No, that’s just me having older brother privileges.”

“I hope you choke on that, you know,” you bite at him, pointing towards the piece of sweet watermelon in his hands, the smile on his face turning bitter. There’s a satisfied look on your face when your brother does, indeed, choke on a watermelon seed a few seconds later– and they say dreams don’t come true.

“You didn’t have to,” you hear Eric speak up from the other side, your head turning to face the male, his features appreciative and warm. “Thank you,” he beams. There’s redness on the tip of his nose and his forehead, signaling his quickly approaching sunburn, and you can’t help but laugh out at his clueless, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer self.

“What’s so funny?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows at you in question.

“Nothing,” you peep, “you just look like you forgot to use sunscreen,” you mumble, watching as the male gasps and touches his face, a horrified expression overtaking him when the skin under his fingertips burns to the touch.

“I didn’t forget! It must have rubbed off in the pool,” he mourns, “I must look stupid!”

“Only a little,” you tease, a grin overtaking your features. See, there’s something about the fact that you’ve known Eric for the entirety of your whole life that makes you more prone to teasing him– you’re familiar with your dynamics and just how far you can go, so his next actions startle you just the tiniest bit as the male looks sternly at you, throwing the half-eaten watermelon slice to the camping table. You thought you had the risks calculated– apparently, you didn't.

“What did you say?”

Examining his features, seeing no signs of anger– just the stoic, fakely-offended face of your brother’s childhood best friend– you shrug. “That you look a bit stupid with your face like that.”

“Oh, okay,” he nods, “you’re going down for that.”

“What do you mea–”

Your words are cut short when the male lunges at you, his arms enveloping your thighs and holding you up. The contact of his cold skin from the pool and your heated figure makes goosebumps appear all over your body, your hands instinctively reaching around him to support yourself as he walks closer to the pool– his intentions are suddenly painfully clear and you start to panic.

“This will teach you to respect your elders,” Eric huffs, the turquoise surface of the water slowly coming into your point of view.

“Stop! Stop-stop-stop,” you squirm, kicking your feet and trying to take down the predator, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, alright?”

The male takes a halt for a split second– making you foolishly believe he’ll let you off– before he breaks out into a devilish grin and continues to walk to the edge of the pool. “Too late.”

“Eric!” you scream, the volume of your voice resonating through the whole beach, your heart thumping wild against your ribcage with the awaiting process. You’re not even sure what you’re scared of anymore– you can swim and you bet the water will feel nice against the scorching sun– but still, you’re absolutely terrified as the male has no mercy on you, carrying you steadily towards the water. “At least let me tie my hair first! You can dump me in after, I promise,” you mourn, trying to buy yourself more time.

“Alright,” he nods, waiting at the very edge of the pool, leaving you to take the purple scrunchie off your wrist and gather your hair together, preparing to tie it into a bun so it doesn’t get in your way when you’re in the pool. The hair tie is just at the tips of your fingertips, the first loop over the hair ready to be done, when a scream cuts out of your throat.

The feeling of falling suddenly overtakes your body, leaving you no time to prepare yourself for the impact of the cold water against your skin and all up in your nose, since you didn’t pluck it when you were dumped into the pool. The fall only lasts a split second until you’re below the water, the force of it resonating in your ears, and when you finally act on your instincts and stand up in the pool (it wasn’t even that deep in the first place, only reaching to your upper stomach), you cough out all the water and pray to gods you don’t throw up chlorine into the freshly cleaned pool. After you’re done catching your breath and getting oxygen into your lungs again, you do your best at getting all the hair out of your face.

There is laughter landing into your ears as soon as you manage to get all the water out of them by leaning your head to the side and violently slapping each one, and when your eyes look up, you see an amused Eric Sohn bending over in his waist at your disheveled appearance.

Grunting and pointing a finger to the criminal that almost made you drown, you huff out. “I’ll kill you! Just you watch.”

Your scrunchie nowhere to be found, forever lost somewhere outside of the beach house, you think, as it flew off your hand in the impact of the attack, shock makes your figure shake alongside of the coldness of the water, making you audibly sigh.

Yes. You do regret coming along just a little.

JULY OF 1999

Somewhere along the way, Eric Sohn starts acting as if he’s your second older brother. Sure, you’ve known the male your whole entire life and he’s seen you grow up, but it took him 17 years of your life to come to a point where he gives you equal amount of attention whenever he’s over at your house than he does to your brother, and even asks Sunwoo if you’re coming along with them whenever they leave to hang out somewhere else. It’s a change that comes naturally and slowly, and you welcome it unknowingly– the revelation shocks you on a hot summer day, though, when the idea finally comes to you in full force.

You would even argue and say Eric acts more like your brother than your actual sibling does– he asks if you’ve eaten and listens to you when you talk (which Sunwoo never does, well, except from when he’s arguing with you). Eric even compliments your outfits sometimes and lets you borrow his MP3 player from time to time– Sunwoo would never share his things with you, no matter how hard you pleaded and threatened to tell your mum. Yes, your brother's an adult and you’re one year away from becoming one– you still resolve your conflicts through your only parent, though. Some things, you never grow out of.

“I wanna try using the skateboard now, Sunwoo,” you order sternly when the boy finally reaches your destination. You’ve been sitting on the sidewalk for quite some time now, since your brother and his friend decided that they’re gonna try out their new skateboards on the hottest day of the year. Your town doesn’t have fancy skateparks and ramps like the ones you’ve seen in the music videos on TV, so you don’t really know what initially made the two buy those things, but you do admit that even driving up and down the road in front of your house does seem a little fun– so much you’d love to try it.

“What a shame we all wish for things we can’t have,” he shrugs ironically, shaking his head at you from his position above. The male reaches down for his bag, taking out a water bottle and putting it against his plush lips, all while you glare at him from below, still seated in your initial position. Eric comes up to you two, squishing at the soft plastic bottle in Sunwoo’s hold, making the water splash your older brother in the face, leaving a winning grin to be shared between you and the shorter boy, an expression that makes you all warm on the inside. See, at least Eric always has your back.

“You can try mine, if you want,” the latter shrugs, offering you a smile.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “why not?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “I just didn’t expect you to offer, since as you saw, my dear brother just refused when I asked…” you mumble, standing up from the sidewalk and taking the skateboard into your hand. Eric offers it to you with an outstretched arm and watches as you put the board on the floor, squinting at it with much examination.

“Do you know how to ride it?” he asks.

“No,” you shake your head, “but I mean, if Sunwoo can do it, how hard can it really be?” you joke, seeing as the said boy glares at you, finally finishing his water and dropping the bottle to the ground.

“I’ll remind you of that statement when you eat shit on the pavement,” he shushes you, rolling his eyes.

Not paying more attention to the grumpy being that is your own brother, you relocate your attention back to the skateboard on the heated road. You’re lucky you live on a street where cars don’t often drive by, since your neighborhood is on the very edge of the town, so you don’t really fear being run over by a pickup truck. What you do worry about, though, is your lacking sense of balance, which you discovered when you learned how to ride the bike for the first time. While your brother was a professional in no time, it took you weeks to get it right, and so with the idea of riding a board that provides you zero sense of security, you get a bit worried for your own life.

Dragging your hair out of your face and aimlessly trying to tuck it behind your ears– there’s no use in trying though, as the strands slip out just as fast as they found their place– you keep staring at the board only a few centimeters away from your feet, mentally calculating your next move. There’s a noise of a backpack being opened and rustling around in the background of your miserable thoughts, and when you look up to see what’s going on, you notice Eric offering you a small, purple bundle of fabric.

“What’s that?” you ask, even though the answer is clear as the day– you recognise your own scrunchie with no problem. You’re just surprised to see it in his hold. You thought it was forever buried somewhere in the beach house, since you weren’t able to find it after you got out of the pool, no matter how hard you tried.

“Oh,” he shrugs, amidst a little too nonchalantly, “I found it and figured it was yours, but I forgot to give it back to you then… it seems like you need it now, though,” he offers you an explanation, lips pressed into a thin line that slightly signifies a smile.

“Ah,” you gasp, nodding as you take the hair tie out of his outstretched palm, gathering your hair into a bun and tying it up on the crown of your head– the staring contest you’ve been having with the board is much clearer now, when you don’t have your messy strands in the way. The idea of Eric keeping your scrunchie after finding it at the beach house makes your stomach do a weird kind of turn– you guess it made you a bit weirded out, if you’re being honest.

“Want some help with that?” he asks, pointing towards his skateboard.

Nervous, cracking your knuckles as you meet his eyes– he looks a bit amused, but still genuine– you nod, admitting defeat. There’s no way you’re getting on top of that board without help and not falling down. It’s always better to be safe than to be sorry, and so when Eric laughs airly at your composure and takes a few steps closer towards you, you let the male lead you, finding comfort in his secure words and actions.

Eric offers you his arms to hold when you try to get on the skateboard. He is peering at you from under his eyelashes when you put one of your legs onto the wood, his grip on your forearm getting firmer when you try to get your other foot on as well– and you must admit that you suddenly don’t feel like you might die anymore when there’s someone holding you and standing by your side.

“See? It’s not that hard,” Eric mumbles, his voice low and reassuring from the proximity. You notice your hands sweating a little when his palm envelopes yours– damn the sun and its unbearable heat making you embarrass yourself– but he doesn’t mention it as he firmly holds you and meets your eyes. “I’m gonna drag you around a bit so you get used to it before trying yourself,” he says before taking a few steps forward, preparing to be your own type of personal driver.

Having him instruct you and help you around makes you feel more comfortable on the board. Sunwoo would never do such a thing for you– he’d enjoy watching you fall down and break your neck and possibly die– so you’re more than happy to have someone in your life that takes care of you in ways your older brother refuses to.

The skateboard moves forward a little, starting slow, but then picking up speed as Eric jogs a little, making you laugh at the action. He does not have to go above and beyond, but he still does– but you guess it’s good for him to let out his energy somewhere. After a while, he looks back at you and meets your eye with a warm gaze, making you nod at him reassuringly and hold up a thumb of the hand he’s not holding right now, signaling that you’re okay and enjoying yourself. That has the male let go of your hand and let you take the road with the laws of physics, moving forward by yourself with the force he created.

It’s nice. It’s fun.

Yes, you totally understand why Eric and Sunwoo wanted skateboards after seeing them on TV. Hell, you want one now.

“Try it yourself now!” Eric encourages you as the board naturally comes to a stop under you, and his smiling face is enough for you to take initiative and nod, relocating one foot off the wood and placing it on the floor, then kicking it and making yourself move on the simple vehicle.

A moment of surprise envelopes you like a warm hug when you manage to not fall off and keep your balance, the joy of it making you try to go faster on the board, kicking once, twice against the pavement with the sole of your old, beaten up shoe. “I’m doing it!” you yell, glancing back at Eric standing on the sidewalk, watching you with excited eyes. The male offers you a victorious holler, something that makes you break into a laugh, makes your confidence blossom in marvelous ways.

Confidence rises in you so much you try to take a U-turn and go back to your teacher– perhaps showing off that you really got the hang of it now, or something– but as you try to maneuver the board and turn right, there it comes: the moment where you realize that you were, once again, too overly-confident in your abilities that are, sadly, very poor. Your body sways from side to side, your poor balance laughs at you and points an accusing finger at your attempts, and, well, to put it frankly, your whole life flashes in front of your eyes and the moment plays in slow motion as you lose the board from below your feet– the wood flying somewhere to the opposite side of the road, not at all where you meant to go in the first place– and your body inevitably comes crashing to the ground.

Awaiting the hard pavement meeting your nose and breaking it, you brace yourself with palms outstretched in front of you, the last remains of self-perseverance entering the sane parts of your brain in what you think are the last seconds of your miserable life. Another moment of surprise greets you when your yelp is muffled against something soft and your hands don’t hit the hard pavement, your ears filled with a grunt that belongs to another human swiftly chiming in and catching you before you fall.

Firm hands hold your waist– the touch somehow familiar, enveloping you in a strange sense of deja vu– and even though your body goes limp in terror, the male has you back on your feet in no time, his palms on the exposed skin of your stomach. The realization has you burning up as you look up and meet Eric’s eyes, gasping at the closeness of his face to yours.

“You okay over there?” he asks as you unconsciously study his face– you never noticed his nose looked this nice up close– before you wake out of it and nod urgently, breaking away from his hold. You’re not gonna try to calculate the effort he must have put in just to chime in and catch you from where he was standing in such a short moment, but something about the passing thought of it has you weak in your knees from gratefulness.

“Uhm- yeah,” you nod, kicking the pavement with your stained shoes, “I just… miscalculated my skills, that’s all,” you sheepishly hum, hearing the boy snicker at your shaken-up composure.

Watching him take off and retrieve his skateboard from where it wandered off against the curb– much to his golden retriever energy– you sigh and prepare to go sit back on the sidewalk, having enough of new experiences from the shock still lingering in your fingertips. You take a glance down the road, seeing your older brother cruising on the street– when and how he got there, you truly have no idea– when you hear Eric, who seemingly has different ideas for your next actions, call at you from the middle of the pavement.

“Where are you going? Come back!” he asks, having you look at him in surprise, mouth agape and eyes big, staring at him. He now has the board under his shoulder, but puts it back on the road and points at it, shrugging to himself. “I’ll push you down the road, it’s gonna be fun!”

“Eric, I’m literally going to die–”

“No, you’re not. Come on, I promise,” he says, but still, he doesn’t have you convinced. Your feet move against your best conclusions, though, and when you come to a halt right in front of your companion, he offers you a boyish grin. “Sit down on it, that way you’re more balanced. I swear you’re not gonna fall off, okay? I got you.”

“You promise?”

“Yes,” he nods, determined.

“Pinky swear,” you mumble, holding up your pinky finger– all thoughts of seeming childish pushed to the side in the desperate moment– and the male in front of you shakes his head in disbelief, breaking into a laugh.

“Cute,” he huffs, “yeah, okay. Pinky swear,” he nods, interlacing your pinky with his and bumping his thumb against yours, the seal foolishly making you feel more secure as you follow his order and take a seat on the skateboard, your hands gripping the bottom of the wood so hard your knuckles turn white.

“Okay, ready? 3, 2, 1–” he chants as he pushes you, two steady hands coming in contact with your shoulder blades, force making you move on the board, wheels taking you down with gravity. The sound of Eric’s shoes hitting the pavement fills your ears as you go faster, and as you finally get to the part of the hill that takes a downwards slope, he offers you a final push, sending you down the road.

Wind makes your hair fly back, your surroundings blurring as you yelp and scream, but you can’t say you’re not enjoying the ride. Eric was right– it was fun, you liked it, and something about the gesture had you all warm on the inside. The breeze has you cool down a little in the summer heat, and the board continues to move even as you pass your older brother standing at the bottom of the slope, away from your trajectory.

Body relaxing when the skateboard finally slows down, you let out a heartfelt laughter. Turning back and seeing Eric jog down the road with a humongous grin on his face, you offer him two thumbs up above your head, watching as he returns the gesture and makes his way back to the two of you on the bottom of the small hill.

The truth is, this was the day you realized Eric Sohn has always found his way to make you feel included and safe.

You can’t help but feel grateful.

AUGUST OF 1999

“Sunwoo, you have to tie a knot here and then– no, you dumbass, you’re doing it completely wrong,” you mourn as you watch your older brother with a mess of thread in his lap, a focused scowl on his face. There’s a fan standing across from you, blowing cold air into your face, but you still feel yourself grow heated with frustration as Sunwoo just can’t help but not understand the art of making friendship bracelets. It’s not like you’re forcing him to do them– he was the one that asked you to show him how to, muttering something about offering one to his classmate Yeji once he’s back in school– so in theory, he should be putting in effort, no?

Or maybe he is. Maybe he’s just… incompetent.

“I don’t get it,” Sunwoo hums under his breath, sighing as he leans against the sofa in your living room, the two of you sitting on the floor accompanied by his best friend squinting at you from the opposite side, a comic book in the latter's hand. The myth of men not being able to multi-task is quickly thrown into the bin as you watch Eric pay equal amount of attention to the comic book and the dialogue between you and your brother, and when Sunwoo seems to give up on the art of making friendship bracelets, his best friend can’t help but laugh.

“You’re giving up already? This is how you want to get a girlfriend?” you poke your brother to his side and take the threads off his lap, examining the mess of a safety pin and meters of yarn, all knotted up and not coming along in the shape you taught him to at all.

“It’s not to get a girlfriend, I just-”

“Sure,” you roll your eyes, huffing as you roll his poor attempt at friendship bracelet into a ball and throw it to the corner of the room, making a mental note to pick it up and throw it to the bin later. “You know what, just give her this one and pretend you made it,” you mutter, taking a bracelet you'd already made to demonstrate in between your fingers and throw it into Sunwoo’s lap, the older one catching it and examining it under his nose.

“That looks pretty good,” he hums, making you snort at his appreciative comment. The bracelet is pink and red, the colors just screaming romance and cute energy, which is exactly what a girl needs to be swayed by your brother. You can’t really believe a bracelet will make her swoop into his arms, because truthfully, with your brother’s face and manners, every living thing is keeping a fair distance, but hey, it doesn’t hurt to try, does it? Maybe his classmate is… majorly blind? That might do it?

“Of course it looks good,” you scoff, “that’s because I made it,” you nod, averting your gaze towards your lap, threading your fingers through the yarn you attached to a safety pin on your sweatpants to keep the growing friendship bracelet in place.

“Then why is the one you’re making right now so ugly?” Eric asks, pointing towards the creation.

Glancing up at the male slowly, mentally throwing all different kinds of curses at him for daring to talk badly about your craft, you huff. “What do you mean, ugly?”

“The colors… they don’t… they don’t really go together,” Eric sheepishly admits, scratching the back of his neck, quickly averting his gaze from you and gluing it back into his comic book. You think that if he doesn’t stop being a smart-ass and throw jabs at your artistic choices, he’s gonna have to protect his comic book with his own body– and you bet he’d do that, because he borrowed it from the library. The fees for damage are high.

“That’s just… not true at all,” you muse, but groggily take a look at the creation once again, but now, thanks to the remark, seeing it in a completely different way. Shades of orange, brown and purple stare back at you amidst a little disappointedly, and as you thread the yarn and make a couple of knots to end the bracelet, you can’t help but feel a pout growing on your face from the realization. Eric might be right. It does look a little bad…

“Whatever. Your taste is just bad,” you snap as you finish off the craft piece, unclasping the safety pin and sliding the bracelet off the inside, freeing it from the hold. Eric laughs a little at your frustrated state– similarly to what you do when you manage to get Sunwoo upset– and with that, you sigh and put the bracelet on the coffee table.

“I’m going out to the store to get some chocolates,” you say as you stand up, goal clear in your mind, “have fun, losers.”

“You’re still collecting the stickers from these?” Sunwoo asks, a mischievous smile growing on his lips. The teasing is inevitable and coming very soon, and there’s nothing you can do about it– you’re fully aware, which only further makes you want to escape the situation more quickly. Rolling your eyes at your brother’s antics, you move towards the door.

“Yes, Sunwoo, I am. They’re cute and make me happy, do you have a problem with that?” you point an accusing finger at the male, having him shrug, tongue poking the inside of his cheek.

“You’re such a kid,” he huffs, averting his gaze from you when he lands the comment, the jab coming straight at your fragile heart.

“Okay, then,” you note, “I’ll just have my pretty and cute bracelet back, and you can get your girlfriend something else-”

The male quickly regains his previous composure, swatting his hands in hurry just to make you halt in your sentence. His eyes are big and his mouth is a little agape in terror as he tries to save his ass, plea written all over his face. “I was just joking! Don’t be so petulant… go get your cute stickers, they’re so fun!”

Humming to yourself, your face is tugged up into a victorious smile. “That's what I thought. So, as I was saying, have fun, losers.”

“Wait!” Eric suddenly calls for you, making you turn on your heel in the middle of your escape, eyes peering at the male. “Don’t I get a bracelet too?”

The request catches you off guard. There’s a certain kind of spark in Eric Sohn’s eyes as he asks the question, and you can’t really place it in any category, but it has you nervously shrugging at the preposition. You’re not really sure why Eric would want a bracelet from you, but to avoid confrontation and also the weird leap of your heart surely leading you into cardiac arrest, you only shrug and move back inside of the living room, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you scan the surroundings, searching for something.

“Sure,” you nod, taking the ugly bracelet off the table and offering it to him, “you can have that one.”

You hold a staring contest with the older boy for a couple of seconds, his head undoubtedly swirling with arguments and comments about the apparel of the friendship bracelet, but he’s smart– he must know the survival of his beloved comic book must be at stake. So, he only nods and smiles at you, outstretching his hand to you and nudging his head in its direction.

“Okay,” he hums, “tie it for me?”

A second comes by– a heartbeat, really– in which you chew on your bottom lip and gasp at the request, but still, you nod and come closer, crouching down to be at his level and taking the thread into your fingers. You wrap the bracelet around his wrist, making sure to leave a bit of wiggle room before you tie a knot, bringing the ends together, all while feeling the eyes of Eric glued to your face, watching every micro expression flash through your unsettling composure.

When you’re done, making a move to hide your hands behind your back and standing up, your limbs bump into each other and send an unspoken sense of electricity all through your body. The sensation is so strange you don’t meet anyone’s eye before you leave the room, yelling out a goodbye as you hurriedly open the front door and run out to get fresh air (it’s August, though. The air is humid and only makes your head spin more).

You clear your throat before you take off to the grocery store. It's only when you're halfway there that you realize you'd forgotten to bring your wallet with you. It's okay, though– you take this chance to walk around, regaining your casualty.

You bet Eric will take the bracelet off in a matter of a week.

SEPTEMBER OF 1999

The leaves start turning orange and the weather a bit colder when you become hyper-aware of your shifting composure whenever Eric Sohn is around. The way you feel heat rushing to your cheeks whenever he calls you cutie, a nickname he’s had reserved for you since you two were little kids, the way you feel weak in your knees whenever he casually brings his arm around your shoulders or when he bends down to tie your shoelace in the middle of the sidewalk. You don’t really know what those sudden changes are, yet, you feel a bit embarrassed by them whenever they take place. You don’t think it’s normal to feel this way around your brother’s best friend, and the more you hang out with him, the more you wish you read less books as a child– because now, you’re also hyper-aware of the title those feelings may have.

Still, it only comes to you on one September afternoon– you wake up from blissful unawareness and jolt with the quickly opening pit in your stomach at the strange revelation.

“Eric! Sunwoo isn’t home, though?” you mumble, confused as you notice the boy standing on your doorway, a plastic bag in his hand and a red Nike jacket enveloping his frame.

“I know, he said he’s hanging out with Juyeon hyung today,” he nods, “I brought you something, though,” he says, holding up the bag and making sure you get a chance to see it, offering you a boyish grin.

“Oh?” you gasp, furrowing your eyebrows at the male. When you do nothing to invite him inside, he does so himself– slightly nudging you in your side as he passes your figure and enters your house. He acts like he owns the place, and by the amount of time he’s spent in your home, you’d think he does– he doesn’t, though. The only thing he owns is just a lot of audacity.

The male takes off his shoes in the entryway and walks his way over to your room– a surprising act, considering he’s spent the least amount of time in this very place– and when he’s sure you’re following his every move, he empties the contents of the bag to the middle of your freshly made bed. Watching as approximately ten items fall out of the plastic, your eyes widen with surprise as you recognise your favorite chocolate– the mini bars with stickers inside, the ones you collect and stick into your journal and look at in the middle of the night, giggling to yourself and kicking your feet at the adorable pictures in your make-shift collect book.

“Woah,” you gasp when the male looks at you, seemingly awaiting your response, and when he gets the wished outcome, pride overtakes his features, shrugging to himself.

“My mum got some for free because she bought a lot of cabbage for kimchi yesterday,” he explains, “I thought of you when I saw them, so I bought you some more.”

“I- you-” you stutter, emotions too big for your own good swelling all inside your fragile, little self, hands running into your hair and tugging at the roots to wake yourself up from the dream. “You didn’t have to!”

“We got them anyway, and I know you like the stickers,” Eric shrugs, scratching the back of his neck, completely ignoring the fact that he said he bought you some more, your heart skipping a beat at the sentiment. Clearing your throat, you tentatively take a step closer to your bed, gathering a bar of chocolate into your hand and opening it, taking a bite.

“You can have the stickers if you give me some chocolate,” Eric says close to your ear, almost as if he was creating a masterplan, to which you eagerly nod and plop onto your bed, moving the bars of sweets into one pile. As you continue to munch on the first one, you unwrap the sticker and look at it, praying to yourself as if you were checking if your lottery ticket was worth any cent– hoping you get a sticker you don’t own yet.

The image of a cute panda would cheer anyone up even in their darkest moments– not you, though, as you mourn and sigh, disappointment clear in your features.

“What?” Eric asks, eyes big pools of worry.

“I already got that one.”

“Ah,” he nods, seemingly understanding– much to your surprise, “well, we got 9 more tries, let’s get to eating.”

Wrappers are rustling in your bed sheets as you and Eric eat the concerning amount of chocolate, gathering the stickers in a little pile on top of your notebook, promising each other to not look at the stickers as you go and just make a grand reveal at the end. Eric’s full cheeks are a sight you enjoy, telling him he looks like a squirrel– to which he sends a light flick to your forehead, telling you you don’t look much different– and soon enough, the nine bars left disappear from your plain sight (you only had 3 and Eric ate the remaining 5. He’s a growing boy, though, so you understand. He needs to get his undying energy from somewhere.).

“Ready for the reveal?” you ask, locking your gaze with Eric.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

With that, you get to the pile of stickers in the middle of your bedsheets. Looking at the first one, there’s a happy squeal cutting out of your throat, the image of an adorable yellow duck warming you up with euphoria.

“You don’t have that one yet?”

“I don’t,” you nod, “this is just perfect.”

Eric nods and watches you with a certain kind of warmth in his gaze as you open up your notebook and stick the newest addition to your little sticker farm– or a ZOO, however you wanna call it. The next sticker from the pile is added as well– a brown, big bear– and the next one too, the most adorable colorful parrot slapped to the corner of your page.

The rest of your stickers are the ones you already own, though– a displeased look takes over your features at the knowledge, but still, you can’t help but beam at the fact that you have 3 new additions to your collection, and they were a gift from Eric Sohn himself. Someone who doesn’t make fun of your childish habit. Someone who feeds your little interest, watches you with excitement in his eyes as you indulge. Someone not like your brother.

Someone you could never see the way you see your brother.

“What do you do with the duplicates?” Eric asks, pointing to the sad pile on the top of your notebook. His figure is closer to you now, since he wanted to watch you stick the animals into your notebook, his crossed legs almost pressed against yours on the small bed.

“Well, usually, I just throw them out,” you shrug, “but since you’re here…” you muse, the idea plopping into your head like the newest discovery you should probably patent, peeling the back of one of the dog stickers off and swiftly turning towards your companion, mischief sparkling in your eyes.

You put the sticker on his left cheek, making the boy jump. “Hey!”

Giggling, taking another one of the stickers and pressing it to the middle of his forehead, Eric starts to fight you, your bodies wrestling on the bed. You don’t think he puts much effort into getting you off him– that, or he’s insanely weak– and in no time, his face is adorned with all different kinds of animals, his hair messy from tussling in your bedsheets. The image has you laughing before you realize you’re basically straddling him on your bed, his big eyes gaping at you from below, his appearance enough to make something in your brain short-circuit and make you leap off him, clearing your throat.

Heat rushes into your cheeks as you take a seat next to him, playing with your fingers. You pray for anything to come and ease the awkwardness you caused, and sure enough, today must be your lucky day. “Hey, look here!”

You call for the boy as you swiftly take your polaroid camera off your bedside table– the one that belonged to your dad, the one you fought with Sunwoo about, the one your mum said was yours because Sunwoo is too careless with his things to keep it safe– and snap a picture of the puppy-like boy, laughing at the fact that now, you have the image of him looking dumb and covered in stickers forever. Or at least until he doesn't take it away from you– which he attempts quickly.

“Hey!” he yelps again, huffing as he lunges at you, trying to take the picture out of your grasp as you drop the camera into your soft sheets. Your feet take you to the living room, navigating through furniture, and when you don’t hear footsteps follow you, you think you’re safe– Eric does have a lot of energy, but chasing you around gets tiring for him quickly when he knows you'll never let him win.

Entering your room once again, prepared to find him on your bed like before, you’re taken by surprise as a shutter sound goes off right after you open the door, a polaroid picture taken of your face making you temporarily blind at the flash.

“Eric!” you whine, hating that there’s a picture of you standing shocked at your doorway now forever in the universe– not really caring that the boy just got you back with the exact stunt you pulled on him just a few minutes ago. Before you get a chance to blink out the blind spots in your vision caused by the flash and run after him, though, you feel him gently press you out of the doorway and slip outside, the sound of the front door opening and closing after him resonating along his slowly disappearing, amused laughter.

Serves you right, doesn’t it?

Sighing, you shake your head and take a seat on your bed, the picture of the boy still in between your fingertips. You only take a look at it when your vision comes back to normal, and as the image of Eric covered in stickers, hair messy and cheeks rosy below the animal print comes into your sight, the revelation arrives the same second a starstruck smile plays with your features.

And with that, you’re absolutely terrified.

Throwing the polaroid picture onto the bedside table and lunging yourself into the sheets, you scream into your pillow and wish for the feelings to disappear– because in what world does a crush on your brother’s best friend ever come to a happy ending?

OCTOBER OF 1999

Once October hits, you find yourself home alone more often than you’d like. Sure, you don’t mind having some me time to read comic books or watch the TV uninterrupted in the living room, but still– alone turns lonely pretty quickly, and somehow, you start to regret the fact that you’ve been relying on your older brother and his friends for so long instead of making some connections on your own.

Sunwoo started to play soccer at school– something is telling you that he might go far if he keeps it up– and that’s why he’s been stuck at practice every single day, coming home late in the evening all tired, but happy, so you’re not really complaining. Eric works in the little bistro downtown now, since he wanted to make some money and not rely on the allowance Mrs. Sohn gives him every month, and it’s not like you were that close to begin with, but the fact that the boy is now too busy to meet you is making your spirit fall just the tiniest bit. And with your mother always being at work, you find yourself alone in your room, laying in your bed and staring at the ceiling.

Sometimes, you journal. About anything and everything, really. You don’t really think you’re ever gonna read back the entries once you’re older, since they would just be a reminder of how miserable and boring your teenage years really were, and that’s why you allow yourself to be authentic. On most days, you write about your assignments for school. Sometimes you bad mouth a classmate or two– gossiping with the diary pages, because you don’t really have any human beings to do so in real life– and seldom, you allow yourself to get into topics that evoke the slightest bits of existential crisis in you.

Topics like college. Growing up. Your lack of hobbies and social interaction with the outer world. The newly found crush on Eric Sohn…

Okay, maybe you do write about the boy with brown hair and dark eyes a little too often. You can’t help it, though– when he’s not giving you any new interactions to dwell on, you have to just pick apart the old ones. You think it’s a natural reaction.

And that’s exactly what you’re doing one October afternoon, the lamp in your room on, since the evening comes faster when the weather is colder, as you’re laying in your bed and kicking your feet back and forth, chewing on the end of your pencil. The sound of your doorbell resonates through the house suddenly and startles you, making you jump awake from your delirious delusions.

Mentally going through the list of possible visitors you could have– because it can’t be your mother or your brother, since they never forget to carry their house keys– you’re lost, not really finding any fitting candidates. Furrowing your brows, lost in thought and frankly, a bit confused, you plant your socked feet onto the wooden floor and walk over to the front door just in time for the bell to ring again. Scratching the back of your neck in nerves, thinking of precautions you could take for your own safety– since your front door doesn’t have a peep hole and you don’t want to open the door to a complete stranger– you clear your throat and yell over the door.

“Who is it?” you ask.

“Delivery!” a voice calls through the door, making you huff.

“I didn’t order any food?” you yell back, confused. “Sir, there’s another house behind ours, sometimes the mailmen get confused and we get their mail. Maybe try there?”

“The address is right, though?” the voice calls again, and somehow, it sounds kind of familiar… no, it can’t be, you dumb goose. You’re just imagining things because you’ve spent the last 20 minutes writing about the curve of his nose into your diary.

“There must be a mistake-”

“Come on, Y/N, open the door,” the voice on the other side mourns, the mention of your name making you jump, completely startled. The tone the man says it in is sweet like honey, though, so familiar in your ears, that you mentally want to slap yourself– so you weren’t dreaming. It is him.

Dragging your hand through your hair to smooth it down, praying you look at least a little presentable– although in your stained sweatpants and the Pokémon shirt you inherited from Sunwoo when he grew out of it, you doubt that’s even possible– you open the door and try to offer Eric a warm smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Food delivery,” Eric shrugs, pointing with his thumb in the direction behind his back, where his bike undoubtedly stands up against your gate.

“Oh…. but I already told you I didn’t order anything,” you mumble, confused. Studying his face– because a girl can indulge when she has the opportunity, am I right? – you notice his hair has grown a little longer, falling into his eyes. You bet it’s hard for him to see, but you must admit it looks nice, and you almost tell him, before you catch yourself and break away from the sentiment.

The male snickers. “I know, I was just joking,” he says, “I did bring you food, though.”

“Why?” you ask, confused when he bends over and picks up a plastic bag off the ground, a container of food inside, the warmth of the contents making condensation appear all over the red sack.

“We made this by mistake and it was just gonna be thrown out if nobody took it,” he shrugs, “and I figured you haven’t eaten yet– or if you did, you just had those cold kimbap rolls from the store– and I wanted to get some warm food into your stomach.”

“Ah,” you gasp, nodding at the explanation. It does explain the source of the food really well, but truthfully, it explains nothing about the fact why Eric thought of bringing you the food instead of taking it home with himself– he’s a foodie if you’ve ever seen one. The idea of him worrying about if you were fed or not is equally as strange and interesting in your head– still, you clasp your hand around the bag and take it, the smell making you involuntarily hungry. “Thank you.”

Eric only nods at you, a smile beaming at his face. “Well,” he sighs, “I’d love to stay longer and hang out, but I’m still on the clock, so…” he mumbles, taking a hesitant step backwards towards his bike, eyes never breaking contact with yours.

“Oh, right,” you nod, “that’s okay. Have a fun day at work!” you muse, watching him as he grins and finally retrieves back his bike, opening up the gate to your property and escaping, waving at you as he gets on.

“I’ll see you soon!” he calls as he rides off, your eyes following him until his figure disappears behind a corner, your ears buzzing with excitement and your lower lip trapped between your teeth with the innocent promise.

Walking back into the house, you grin as you close the front door behind you and carry the food into the kitchen. You quickly get the containers out of the damp bag, putting them onto the wooden table, and gasp when you find a sticky note on the very top one, a messy handwriting scribbled in a rush, but stuck to the food with care.

Eat well and don’t skip meals, Y/N-ie!! – Eric x

Not being able to battle your smile anymore, you decide to open up the containers and stuff your mouth with the food instead– only to find your favorite dish inside, staring back at you in what seems to be a dream that’s too good to wake up from.

And sure, you are delusional, but are you delusional enough to believe that this wasn’t all a coincidence? You’re not so sure.

Still, you eat the food with feet kicking back and forth as you sit in the silent kitchen, the empty house no longer feeling so lonely. When you’re done, you throw the trash out– everything but the sticky note, which you glue into your diary a few minutes later, hoping to keep the memory forever.

NOVEMBER OF 1999

The world around you is dark as you step outside of cram school, your eyes are tired and your skin is prickled with goosebumps in the chilly air. You despise going to cram school, but your mother told you you have to– since you didn’t have any athletic features that could get you far in life like Sunwoo, you had to be good at studying, or else you won’t get into university. There was a lot of work ahead of you, but since you didn’t really have anything else to do in the day, you didn’t protest and went anyway.

The days are usually very long and you get off very late, resulting in you being tired almost all the time. When you get home, you undress yourself and change into your sleep clothes and doze off until the morning, when you have to wake up and go to school again– it’s an exhausting cycle, but you know you have to endure it for your own sake.

Walking down the steps that lead out the cram school building, you stretch your body and huff, cursing at yourself for the fact that you didn’t bring a jacket– you forgot that evenings get really chilly, and frankly speaking, you didn’t have much time to think when you were rushing to get ready in the morning. You’ll just have to get through it, you think to yourself as you walk in the direction of your house– the last bus to your neighborhood already left an hour ago, when you were in the middle of revising division– your sneakers kicking the stray rocks below your feet as you tug the sleeves of your hoodie lower, desperately trying to feel more heat.

“Do you never watch where you’re going? That’s gonna get you in trouble one day, you know,” you hear a familiar voice say, the joking tone making your heart skip a few beats as you place the owner of the saccharine voice to its face. Looking up, slightly alarmed at being caught in such a distressed state, you gasp.

“I was… watching my step, I guess,” you shrug as you come into a halt in front of him, shivering both under Eric’s gaze and the cold weather at once. “What are you doing here? Deliveries?”

“I just got off,” he says, “so I figured I could stop by. Sunwoo said you’re going to cram school, I thought you might enjoy some company on your way home.”

Gaping at his explanation, you nod, completely startled. The idea of your brother talking about you in front of Eric, the boy you have a very embarrassing, very big crush on scares you, to say the least. See, it doesn’t really matter that the boy grew up with you, pretty much seeing you at your lowest whenever he was around over at your house when you were both just little kids– the image of Sunwoo telling Eric about finding you sobbing at your comic book (the scene got too sad, nobody can really blame you) or about how your favorite jeans ripped right before you had to go to school one morning is terrifying. You don’t really want him to know about these things. He may act like your brother sometimes, but you never really saw him in that light in the first place.

“Well, then,” you clear your throat, “it’s… it’s good to see you,” you say. Eric shows you his boyish grin as your lips utter out the words, and you can’t help but mirror it, your eyes locking with the male. As if you just took a step back, your eyes see him in a light you’ve never seen him before– as if this was your first time meeting your brother’s best friend– and something about the sentiment has your stomach feeling all uneasy, heat rushing to your face. His hair is styled in a way that tells you that he didn’t really style it (or if he did, it looked truly effortless in your eyes, so props to him), pushed back a little and revealing his forehead, a few of the strands carelessly falling into his eyes. His jawline is sharper than how it was when you first met the boy, and with the realization of a foolish teenage girl, you have to admit that Eric Sohn grew up to be a very attractive, attentive man.

“You’re cold?” he says, although the sentence sounds more like a statement rather than a question, before he shakes his head at your antics and heaves out a sigh. “You should’ve taken a jacket with you when you went, you know it gets cold in the evening,” he scolds you. In those times, he reminds you the most of your brother– because although you and Sunwoo act like you hate each other sometimes, you know the older male still cares about you. He just hates showing it, which translates in his scolding tone whenever you do something wrong or against his wishes.

In those times, Eric reminds you the most of the way your brother treats you, and you somehow hate it. You despise the fact, because that means he must only see you as someone like his younger sister– he never had one, so maybe he just likes to compensate for it by taking care of you all the time. Maybe he feels responsible to do so because of Sunwoo. The thought makes you equally as nauseous– you’d never want him to hang out with you just because he feels like he has to.

“I didn’t have time in the morning,” you grunt, rolling your eyes at him. You avert your gaze from the male, for it makes you slightly uncomfortable after your previous thoughts, so when the noise of a zipper being pulled down and the weight of fabric on your shoulders brings you back to reality, you snap your head around at him all alarmed.

“What? Wear it,” he says, head shrugging towards the direction of his jacket on your figure. “You’re gonna catch a cold if you don’t.”

Trying to wrestle out of the red material, you squirm in the hold of the windbreaker– Eric’s hands gripping each side of the jacket, as if predicting your next moves, making sure it stays on you and doesn’t fall down. His strong arms tug you closer to him to make your fight more difficult– and he’s successful with his efforts, because the proximity of him and his smell engulfs you and unarms you, heat rushing to your cheeks as you halt in your movements.

“Stop,” you mourn, “I don’t need it.”

“Yes you do,” he insists, “so stop being a baby about it and wear it.”

Staring into his eyes, as if to mentally tell him to stop what he’s doing– to stop how he’s treating you, how he’s making you all weak in your knees and sleepless at nights because of how much you think of him and hope he’s doing well each day, to stop being so gentle with you and taking care of you, because it brings all sorts of both doubts and delusions into your head– but he doesn’t back down. You’ve known him for quite some time, you should already be aware of just how stubborn he can be.

“Arms in,” he hums, holding on to the jacket and waiting for you to wear it properly. One thing about you– you can always admit your defeat. So, with a sigh, you put your arms through the sleeves of Eric’s red windbreaker, shrinking a little under his firm gaze. He looks at you with a look full of something you can’t decipher, and it’s all making you so, so insanely lost in the many thoughts and feelings swirling around your head, not helping your current state.

“I already have a brother, y’know,” you mumble in a moment of weakness, looking at your feet– your dirty white sneakers almost touching his from how close you are standing right now, “so you should stop treating me like one.”

A moment of silence overtakes you two, and you suddenly feel like you’ve done something wrong. Still, Eric’s hands are holding on to the sides of the opened jacket, keeping you close to him. “Hm?”

Clearing your throat and shaking your head, you snicker to yourself. “Forget it.”

“No- I mean,” he blurts out, tone of voice a little nervous, “do you see me as your brother figure?” he asks, tone of voice more quiet now, more gentle.

Breathing in the crispy air, taking a moment before you reply, you shake your head in disapproval. “No,” you say, “no, I don’t. I- I don’t think I do,” you say, scared of what your answer will bring out of him. You don’t really know why, but at this moment, you feel insanely fragile– as if any bad move could make you break in his hands, waiting for him to glue you back together.

Metaphorically, he does just that. “Good,” he nods, leaning down towards you, hands gripping the zipper of his jacket and zipping it together, making sure no cold can get to your bones as his fingers tug it up towards the very top, under your chin. “Because I’ve never seen you as my sister either.”

His answer once again startles you– but when you take a step back from the situation, you think it was in a good way. His hands grip your shoulders for a second as his eyes meet yours and he offers you a warm smile. “Come on, let’s get you home,” he says, tugging you towards the fence where you find his bike, his motions guiding you like a rag doll sucked out of all life.

“Hop in,” he motions towards the back of the bike, where the basket would usually be– Eric moved it towards the front, though, leaving enough room for you to sit at– and as you do, he takes a seat in front of you and looks back at you over his shoulder. “Hold on tight so you don’t fall.”

Like in a trance, your arms sneak around his middle– this was the first time you had this kind of physical touch with him, and just the thought of it makes you want to scream your throat out– before the male takes off on the bike, riding towards your neighborhood. With the cold wind slapping your face, you foolishly rest your cheek on his shoulder blade and close your eyes, enjoying the closeness of his body keeping you warm.

If anyone asked you about the action, you’d tell them you were just tired.

DECEMBER OF 1999

Socked feet make their way through the room, the sound of footsteps resonating on the laminated floor, as the short male comes up to you with a bowl of potato chips in his right hand and a bottle of soda under his left arm. Eric Sohn sighs at you, shaking his head in disbelief, before he places the items onto the coffee table and takes a seat next to you on the floor, opening up the bottle and pouring the three of you drinks.

“Can’t believe I’m spending New Year’s Eve with you losers, of all people,” Eric snickers, having you roll your eyes at the male and grumpily furrow your eyebrows at his sentence.

“No one’s stopping you if you wanna go, y’know,” you grunt as you take the filled glass off the table, taking a sip of the sweet drink and sighing at him. If he’s gonna take a leap into the new year with you while making you annoyed, he may as well leave now and do whatever his initial plan was– once again, no one’s stopping him if that’s what he wants to do.

“I’m just saying,” he shrugs, “it would’ve been so much more fun if we all went to Juyeon hyung’s. Everyone’s there celebrating, but we’re stuck here in your room.”

“Well, Eric,” your brother smiles ironically at him, shrugging to himself, “it’s not like it’s my fault you’re not over at Juyeon hyung’s right now. You chose to spend the new years here with me. My mother prohibited me from going there, not yours.”

The argument has the male shrug, his eyes averting your brother’s gaze once his comment gets a bit too honest and realistic. It’s true and he’s right– it’s not like Eric’s mum told him he can’t go celebrate with his friends, because she didn’t. Eric’s mum trusts him and wants him to have fun and do what all the kids his age are doing. Your mum, on the other hand, is making you and Sunwoo stay home for New Year’s Eve to celebrate with your family, because, as she quoted, New Year’s Eve the only time she gets time off work, and she wants to spend it with her kids– forget the fact that you’re currently sitting locked in your room with your friend, protesting the family time just because you can– and when Sunwoo told her she has to stop treating him like a little kid, she told him she has all the right to do so, because he is her kid. And that’s how the party he was supposed to attend with Eric (the party you foolishly thought you’re gonna have to tag along to, not hating the sentiment as much as before now) got canceled from your brother’s plans.

“Well,” Eric chews on the inside of his cheek, “I did it for you two. Be grateful.”

“Whatever,” you hum, “let’s turn on the TV. I bet there’s some variety show on.”

Eric heaves out a sigh as he reaches for the TV remote, clicking the power button and making the boxy device in front of you light up. Your mum got you a TV in your room when you complained about being too bored one November day, and although the box of entertainment didn’t really help like you imagined it to, you’re glad it’s of service at least today. Instead of the expected variety show, though, there’s news on– the face of the old announcer looking at you with a serious look on his face, the professional tone making chills run down your spine, for he reminds you a bit of your mother when she scolds you. You think that’s a common news announcer trait.

“As the year 2000 approaches, computer programmers realize that computers might not interpret the 00 in the software as 2000, but 1900. The softwares currently running only use a two-digit code for the year, excluding the 19. The data was excluded because the data storage is costly and takes up too much space. Activities that were planned on a daily basis could be damaged or flawed,” the announcer says, making the three of you look at the screen with interest. Maybe it’s true that when you get older, you get more interested in news– you think it’s good to know what’s going on around you, although the topic discussed right now might not even concern you in the slightest.

“Banks, which calculate the interest rates on a daily basis, could face real problems. Interest rates are the amount of money a lender, such as a bank, charges a customer, such as an individual or business, for a loan. Instead of the rate of interest for one day, the computer could calculate a rate of interest for minus almost 100 years!”

“Oops,” Eric lets out next to you, a reaction so far away from what a real adult would think of the situation. See, you are all just kids, after all.

“Centers of technology, such as power plants, are also threatened by this issue. Power plants depend on routine computer maintenance for safety checks, such as water pressure or radiation levels. Not having the correct date could throw off these calculations and possibly put nearby residents at risk,” the announcer continues, the information coming out of his mouth suddenly making you hyper aware of the reality you’re experiencing right now.

“Do we have a nuclear power plant nearby?” you ask in a hushed whisper, watching as the men next to you almost comically widen their eyes, shrugging.

“I’m not sure,” Sunwoo peeps.

“The worst of all, this software and hardware issue could cause such a big problem in nuclear energy facilities, where nuclear bombs and missiles could be set off, causing the world to go into utter chaos, or worse, an end,” the announcer concludes, the last word making you gasp in terror.

“An end?” you chirp, sitting up straight in your seat as you look at the two men, now equally as terrified. There’s something in Sunwoo’s gaze that makes chills run down your spine, the reality crushing down on you with heavy measures.

“I knew I shouldn’t have fought with mum. What if the last words the two of us exchanged before we die are the harsh words I had said yesterday?” your brother mourns, seeing as his best friend chews on his bottom lip, lost in thought.

“What did you say to your mum?”

“That- that I’ll never forgive her for ruining this for me,” he mumbles, his voice breaking at the end, “and… other things,” he adds, the hint of incoming panic making his best friend frantically wave his hands around and try to make your brother relax before he has to deal with the breakdown. If the world is ending, this is not how any of you want to go.

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” Eric says, clearing his throat and pointing to the TV, “look! The show is on, we should watch before the year ends,” he proposes, taking the remote into his hand and turning the volume up to hopefully drown out Sunwoo’s thoughts and have him focus on something else. And it works– noting that your brother has an attention span of a 5 year old– he can hardly remember what he was worrying about just 30 seconds ago.

Still, the thought keeps bouncing around your head like a child in a bouncy castle. The words of the news anchor keep repeating in your brain, making your ears ring as you look at Eric from the corner of your eye, watching his angelic face. Oh how you hate disturbing the peace now that you’ve all calmed down– but still, you can’t deal with the worries alone. Checking the clock hung above the TV, noticing there’s at least 5 minutes left before midnight, you clear your throat, feeling your whole body on fire.

“Do you really think the world is gonna end?” you ask, cracking your knuckles in a nervous manner. Looking at Eric, pupils shaking, you find your brother’s best friend seemingly lost in thought. The music of the variety show program serves you three as a background sound now, none of you paying attention to the TV anymore, instead, focusing on all the things you've done wrong in your life and how somehow, this feels like karma for all of it.

“I dunno,” Sunwoo shrugs, “I mean- they said it’s possible! It was on the news, and they wouldn’t lie on the news…” he nervously mumbles, scratching the back of his head.

“That’s what’s worrying me,” you sigh, “we shouldn’t have turned on the TV.”

“It was your idea in the first place!”

“And I’ll carry the burden into my grave,” you admit, gulping as you press a forced smile onto your lips.

Momentarily looking back at the TV, you desperately want to keep the thought of the world being over out of your head before you spend your last minutes on this earth going crazy– but now that you started, you can’t keep thinking about it. “Man, the world can’t end yet. There’s so many things I haven’t tried yet! I’m too young to die!”

The men don't reply to that– you presume they’re too busy trying to find other things to occupy themselves with instead of the inevitable– which has you dissatisfied as you throw your body back into the sofa, heaving out a sigh. Seconds go by painfully slow but also painfully fast at the same time, given the circumstances, as you listen to the cheerful song playing in the background and nudge your friend into his upper arm with your pointer finger, feeling his arm encircle your shoulders and pull you closer to him. The contact of his fingers on your upper arm makes you squirm and break out into a smile, feeling a particular lightness in your stomach at the action, a sensation that has you in shock.

“I’m gonna talk with mum before we die,” Sunwoo suddenly calls as he stands up from his seat on the floor, sighing to himself, “I can’t go with the thought of her being upset with me,” he sentimentally adds before he’s out of the door, rushing towards the living room.

The space falls into momentary silence now that your brother is gone, having you chew on your bottom lip with nerves. You think now is the time to beg for forgiveness with the higher forces– I'm sorry for not studying well. I'm sorry for being rude and ungrateful towards my mum. I'm sorry for being greedy– when the sound of Eric’s voice resonates through the place as he speaks up again, waking you up from the anxious slumber, the clock now striking 2 minutes before midnight. “What would you wanna do before you die?” he asks.

The question is simple. You presume he wants simple answers– things like getting into college, getting a good job and making a lot of money, growing old– but as you lean away from him and get back to your place on his left, your eyes locked with his, you’re left clueless. There are so many things you have yet to achieve, and the idea of not being able to pushes a burden to your chest, but at this very moment, you can’t really name one.

Shrugging, you chew on the inside of your cheek as your eyes scan his face. His firm eye contact has you a bit flustered, making you shrivel in your seat, and as the sound of the TV morphs from the song into a countdown from 55, you’re overwhelmed with the thought that your friend is insanely pretty– and he always has been, you just hated admitting it to yourself for the past few months, despite still being fully aware– and that now, when the world ends, you’re dying unkissed and alone.

Well, not completely alone, since Eric’s here. And he’s always been here– your whole life, since you can remember, and he’s here now as well, even though he should’ve been at Juyeon’s house. As the clock strikes 30 seconds away from midnight, your eyes involuntarily travel down to his chapped lips, all air knocked out of your lungs, the thoughts in your brain picking up on speed the closer you come to the end.

You’re dying soon. You’re dying in 30- now 29 seconds, and you’ve never kissed anyone before. You’re dying before you get a chance to hold hands with someone and have a partner, and you’re dying before you get a chance to tell Eric how you feel about him. There’s 28 seconds left until the end and you’re just staring at him like a coward, because you don’t really let yourself indulge in the silly warmth of your heart whenever you’re around your friend, but god, you can at least admit it to yourself before you die.

And as the clock gets closer and closer to midnight, now only giving you 20 seconds before it all ends and a missile lands on the top of your house, blowing up the whole town and making you all disappear, Eric’s question repeats itself in your brain. What would you want to do before you die?

The answer is suddenly painfully clear as you take action– leaning towards the boy on your right, face closer to his than it’s ever been before, your eyes counting all his eyelashes and focusing on his surprised, yet unmoving face– and as you hear the countdown reach 15, you close your eyes and press your lips against his.

The contact makes you weak in your knees as your hands reach to his face to steady him, your own firework show erupting in your stomach, and suddenly you’re completely content with dying tonight– because at least you’re with Eric, at least you did something. You kiss your friend with something close to an unsaid confession, your lips staying on his throughout the rest of the countdown, the taste of soda you’ve both been drinking the whole evening mixing in the contact of your skin. You’re not sure you’re even doing this right– again, you’ve never kissed anyone before– but it doesn’t matter to you much as you let go of your worries, aware of the fact that in a few seconds, nothing will matter anymore when neither of you are going to be around to say anything to each other after the kiss is over.

The countdown rings in your ears– coming down from 5 as you scoot yourself closer to Eric, 4 as you run the pads of your thumbs along his cheekbones, 3 as you still in your movements, 2 as you notice your knees bumping into each other on the ground and finally, 1 as you get ready to die, kissing your first and only love– when the sound of cheers and fireworks from the TV fills your ears instead, the world around you stilling and completely unchanged.

Your kiss started in 1999 and ended in 2000. Your love for him passed a century.

Eyes fluttering open and your mouth letting go of his, the image of the boy with his lips slightly parted, eyes closed and cheeks rosy comes to you in the yellow light of your room, making your heart fall down to your stomach. He looks absolutely angelic, his hair slightly messy and the fabric of his shirt a little disheveled in the front, and even though you’d love to indulge in your foolish desires and kiss him some more, you’re quickly taken aback with the noise of the door to your room opening and making you jump away from Eric, your brother appearing out of thin air in the presence of your room. It serves you like a weird kind of reality check, Eric’s eyes opening and looking at your brother, and even though you two haven’t been caught, the male clears his throat and bites down on his lower lip, looking almost guilty.

Oh no. What have you done?

Suddenly, you feel insanely silly.

JANUARY OF 2000

“You’ve been awfully quiet the whole day,” Sunwoo mumbles from beside you, his whole body engulfed in a pile of snow, “not that I care, but are you okay?”

“I thought you liked it when I don’t talk,” you mutter, playing with the frozen white all around you, seated on the red plastic sled at the top of the hill. You got tired after dragging it up from the bottom, and when you noticed that the rest of Sunwoo’s friends– Eric included– are still on their way up, you figured you could use up the time to relax and sit around for a while. It’s been quite some time since all of Sunwoo’s friends gathered to hang out at the same time, which made you surprised to see that your own brother invited you to tag along with them as they decided to go sledding on the second day of January, using up their break to best of their abilities. Which is also why you didn’t say no to the invitation– you thought sitting at home and moping around wouldn’t help you much.

“I do,” he says, nodding, “that’s why I’m asking what’s up– so I know what to do when I need to shut you up later,” Sunwoo hums, making you roll your eyes at the masked worry.

Shaking your head in disbelief, you scoff. “It’s nothing.”

“Sure,” he shrugs, “so you’re just going through puberty?” he teases, to which you take a handful of snow into your palm and lunge the white at him, satisfaction running through your veins when the snowball lands into his unsuspecting face, the male coughing and swatting his arms around to defend himself.

“Hey!” your brother screams at you once he gets the ice out of his eyes and his mouth, his body jumping into a standing position before he chases you around, the bubble of a laugh escaping your throat for the first time these days– they’re not wrong when they say malicious joy is the best kind of joy.

Running at the top of the hill, not really looking where you’re going– instead looking over your shoulder to see Sunwoo’s actions, preparing yourself to duck if he decides to turn your small quarrel into a snow fight– your legs get tangled with the red sled you left before you started a war with the angered man, a yelp cutting out of your throat as you get prepared to fall over and knock your teeth out.

Your body comes in contact with something half-firm, half-soft, and as your feet slip and the snow-covered ground disappears from below your legs, two arms wrap around your waist and steady you, making sure you don’t get hurt.

Turns out Eric Sohn is there to catch you every time you are about to eat shit. You hate this kind of deja vu.

As you open your eyes (that you had closed on instinct, not wanting to see your own death) once you’re sure you’re safe and sound, the world around you invites itself into your ears in an overwhelming noise. The laughter of Sunwoo’s friends– some hollering at your fall, some at the redness and last remains of snow covering your brother’s face– and the hushed arguments over who’s going down first– with Haknyeon screaming that he’s stealing Sunwoo’s (yours) sled and Juyeon following him. After all those happening in the matter of a few seconds, you realize you’re left on the top of the hill alone with the male, terror shaking through your insides.

Clearing your throat and taking a step back from him, you tuck your hands into your pockets and avert your gaze from Eric. You two haven’t spoken since you decided to kiss him on New Year’s Eve, and with the awkward tension in the air, you don’t feel like doing so ever again in your whole entire life.

“Thanks,” still, you hum.

Eric seems a little more light-hearted than you, shrugging as he replies to you. “Haven’t I told you to start watching where you’re going?”

“I’m not good with listening sometimes,” you mutter, huffing. Taking a look around yourself– noticing that there are no sleds left on the top of the hill, therefore, if you wanted to escape the situation, the only way down would be to roll around like a human version of a snowman, you once again admit your defeat, standing around nervously and shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

The silence is uncomfortable. It makes you want to dig a hole in the snow and bury yourself alive, to suffocate under the weight of the icy cold and never see Eric’s face again. You know that you ruined whatever friendship you had with the male– by being stupid and foolish, not really thinking about consequences (because there were supposed to be none and you were supposed to be dead), and the weight of the guilt makes you want to puke and hide away.

Still, Eric comes out of his way to talk to you. Honestly, you’re kind of surprised– he should be disgusted with you. Realistically, he should be the one avoiding you, not the other way around.“They’re gonna take long to walk back up,” he notes, “wanna get hot chocolate with me?”

“I’m good, thanks,” you shake your head, not once breaking eye contact with the overwhelming white of the hill.

“Come on,” he sighs, “it’s just around the corner. They built a hot chocolate stand because they knew kids would come sledding here. Honestly, it’s an astute business tactic, but I promise the hot chocolate actually tastes nice,” he says, nudging you slightly with his arm, as if to make you look at him and change your mind.

“Thanks, but no,” you definitely say, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“Are you avoiding me?” he asks, tone of voice casual– as if it was the most normal thing in the world, as if nothing ever happened and he was genuinely curious about the reasoning behind your actions.

“I’m not, I just don’t really like hot chocolate,” you sheepishly mutter, trying hard to avoid the topic.

“So you are avoiding me,” he hums, as if it wasn’t obvious before– and not only because you’re a bad liar. Plus, you love hot chocolate. Somehow, you think Eric knows.

“Look, Eric,” you sigh, running your hand through your hair, “can’t you just drop it?”

“No,” he shrugs, shaking his head, “and that’s why we’re talking about the reason why you’re avoiding me over a cup of hot chocolate. Let’s go.”

His persistence is terribly overwhelming sometimes. You wonder how the male does it. “I already told you-”

“You owe me for the stickers and the meal and everything,” he corners you, and you know you can’t argue with that. He’s kind of right, you suppose– you never paid him back for all the chocolates or for the free meal he brought you that one evening. And that’s exactly why you find yourself sighing as you follow him, mentally preparing yourself for the talk.

You hate how he can always get his way. Walking up to the stand, you crack your knuckles in the pocket of your jacket, nervously coming up with possible arguments to tell him. I didn’t kiss you on purpose, it was an accident. I only did it to know how it feels. We are both supposed to be dead, it’s not my fault the world didn’t end like it was supposed to! Each sentence sounds more stupid than the previous one, and so with that, you shake your head, wiping the thoughts away, smiling at the elderly lady in the stand. You’re just gonna have to be honest, you figure.

“Two hot chocolates, please.”

Rummaging through your pockets to find your wallet– you do owe Eric, so it’s only natural for you to pay– you’re caught off guard as the male next to you swiftly takes out his own and unzips it, preparing to pay for you.

“I thought I owed you?” you mumble, hand reaching to tug at his forearm to stop him, to which Eric only grins at you and sighs.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have to pay,” he says.

“I think that’s exactly what that means.”

“Just take it,” he huffs as he brings out a note from his wallet, the force making something else fly out and fall to the ground with it, having the boy swiftly crouch down and pick the item up, attempting to hide it before you get a chance to see. And now, you don’t have 20/20 vision, but you recognise your face when you see it– that, and you also recognize the small white sheet to be a polaroid picture, and as far as you’re aware, you’re the only one who has a camera in his circle.

The boy hands you the drink with red-tinted cheeks. The idea of him carrying a picture of you that he took back in September makes you flush as well, and when your gloved fingers accidentally meet as you take the cup from him, he forces out a laugh. “We can talk about that after you tell me why you’re avoiding me.”

His nonchalance has you relaxing only for a few seconds. The boy walks with you as you try to heat up your cold hands on the boiling surface of the cup, and when you see a bench a few meters away from you two, you instinctively take a seat.

“So?” he becomes you, eyebrows rising as he takes a sip from the melted sweetness.

Sighing, you try to come up with the best way to go around this. Do you apologize? Do you promise to never do it again– and you won’t, even though you want to so badly and his lips look surprisingly soft today? Furrowing your brows at the war in your head, you place the cup on the bench next to you and put your head into your hands, hiding away from him when you realize the only way to do this is to be completely, utterly honest.

“I’m just so embarrassed, Eric.”

The only noise meeting your eardrums in the moment is the faint yelling of the crowd sledding in the background, your companion remaining quiet for a bit. When he sees you won’t explain yourself, he goes ahead and asks the question. “Why?”

“Do I really have to spell it out for you?” you sigh, not believing his so casual composure.

“Maybe,” he laughs, the airy sound taking all breath away from your lungs.

Well, not all of it, since you have enough oxygen to go on a tangent, it seems. “Because I kissed you, goddamnit. And- and I don’t even know why I did it, honestly, I’ve never thought of kissing you before! It’s just- when I heard the world is ending, I realized I hadn’t had my first kiss yet, and that just felt like such a miserable way to die, and then you asked what I wanted to do before I die and I couldn’t think of anything else,” you say, progressively taking out your head from your hands and facing the male, big eyes staring into his soul.

To your surprise, he doesn’t seem mad. Or disgusted. Or any of the reactions you expected, really. Eric stares at you with a soft, but amidst a little star-struck look in his eyes, and you’re suddenly painfully aware of every slight shift in his composure.

“Did you kiss me because you wanted to kiss me, or because you thought the world was gonna end?” he asks, awaiting your answer.

And if you’re being honest, 2 days after New Year’s Eve, you do admit the thought of the world actually ending sounds a bit stupid. Why did you even believe that theory? Why did they talk about it so seriously on the news? They tricked you into ruining your own life.

But still, nothing can be done about it now. “Both,” you admit, shrugging, “I… I kissed you because I really didn’t want to die unkissed, but also… I wanted it to be you, y’know? Like… I thought we were really going to die, and so I thought kissing you might be a nice way to go. I really wanted to spend my last moments with you, I guess,” you sheepishly say, averting your gaze from the male.

Eric offers you his silence again after you’re done explaining. While you do admit you feel a little tense to hear what he has to say, you also realize you feel lighter now that it’s out in the universe and out of your system. A major weight was taken off your shoulders with the confession, and suddenly, you’re kind of glad that your friend was so assertive and insistent on talking about this– who knows how long you’d go before managing to face him. You think you could honestly go on… forever.

Taking a sip of the luscious liquid, you feel your body warm up once the anxiousness slips away from your bones. The boy next to you hums, making you face him with expecting eyes. “Then why were you avoiding me?”

Sighing, you shake your head. “I just told you. I’m starting to think you’re the one that’s bad at listening.”

“No,” he laughs, “that’s still you. Because if you were good at listening, you’d remember me telling you that I’ve never once seen you as my younger sister.”

Shrugging, kicking the pile of snow in front of you with the tip of your winter boots, you’re not quite following. “So?”

“So you should’ve realized that I’m not doing all of this,” he theatrically swings his arms around, “for nothing, you know?”

“All of what?”

“Taking care of you. Feeding you, helping you collect those stupid animal stickers, walking you home…” he mumbles, sighing. “Keeping your picture in my wallet,” he adds with a playful tone, making you smile.

“I thought you were just being a good friend,” you shrug.

“I don’t keep a picture of your brother on me at all times,” he says, tugging off his gloves. The sleeve of his jacket rides up a little as you watch him take his cup of hot chocolate off the bench, surprised (and flooded with warmth) to see the ugly friendship bracelet you made still adorning his wrist.

Grinning to yourself, excitement welcoming itself into the tips of your fingertips, you shrug. “So?” you mirror your own question from a little while ago, wanting him to say it to you instead of relying on your own brain– you think there’s still a possibility of you just being too delusional to see the reality for what it really is. You need to make sure you’re not imagining things.

“So,” he starts, sighing to himself as he turns a little in his seat to face you, “you should stop avoiding me, because I liked the kiss. And you. And we should probably do it again, because I didn’t get the chance to kiss you back the first time,” he says, once again taking all oxygen out of your lungs with the casualty of his preposition.

Locking his eyes with you, having you two staring at each other like two rays of sunshine warming up the cold January, he grins. “How does that sound?”

“Good,” you breathe out, “very good.”

The male takes it as an invitation as he scoots himself closer to you on the bench, his body turning a bit to face you. His free hand cups your cheek, leaning closer to lock his lips with you like he asked you to, your eyes fluttering close at the proximity, the fuzzy feeling in your stomach already expecting to kiss him again. The situation feels a little too idyllic to be real, though– you should’ve expected it to get ruined again.

Something cold and wet comes into contact with the side of your face, and when you sharply open your eyes, you see Eric staring at you with shock and terror in his eyes, the snow dripping down the side of his face as well. Whoever threw the snowball has good aim, you think– managing to target two people at once (even though your faces were that close to each other that it probably wasn’t even that hard), and before you get a chance to look around and see who cut off your kiss, there’s a scream coming from the left side of the two of you, the sound of feet quickly darting in the snow landing into your ears.

“Eric Sohn, what the fuck do you think you’re doing with my sister?” the voice hollers, and before you get a chance to react, the said male fastly stands up from the bench and runs to the other direction, laughter resonating all throughout the place as Sunwoo and his friends chase their shortest friend down.

Snow starts falling as you watch your brother tail his childhood friend, and with a foreign sense of warmth, you get reminded of the birthday wish you made while blowing out the candles on your seventh birthday.

You wished for someone just like Eric. You didn’t know the universe would be so kind to give you him instead.

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i-heart-hxh · 2 months

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does ikalgo have deeper significance to killua's character? i get that hes like a new friend for killua but why does it feel like he was portrayed so importantly to killua's character during caa? its like theres a deeper meaning, why did killua go out his way just to save ikalgo from those two chimera ants when they entered the building? and why did he look so hesitant? he had thoughts that said "what am i doing..? why the hell am i going the opposite direction?" or something like that. idk it just feels like togashi was implying something abt killua there but i cant figure out what that is. do u have an idea?

Hello! This is a great question!

Ikalgo's friendship with Killua is vital both to Killua's development and also to Chimera Ant arc as a whole! I can explain that significance.

Throughout much of the series, Killua tags along with Gon and primarily focuses on him. He befriends other people, certainly, but he generally does this through Gon--it's not like he's going out of his way to make these friends on his own.

In Chimera Ant Arc, the connection between Gon and Killua gets somewhat disrupted by the events that happen, and Gon's focus shifts primarily to saving Kite and his revenge on Pitou, leaving Killua to worry and feel somewhat left behind and helpless (partly as a result of the the Palm situation as well).

When Killua splits off from Gon to try and save civilians, he meets and a battles an enemy at the time, Ikalgo.

During their fight, Killua gives Ikalgo a choice: Either sell out his friends by revealing their nen powers, or die. Ikalgo chooses to die rather than betraying his friends, and Killua is able to relate to this loyalty. He spare's Ikalgo's life and tells Ikalgo that if they'd met another way, maybe they could have been friends.

Killua's kindness in empathizing with Ikalgo and sparing him is the only thing that saves his life later when he's bleeding out from the needlefish darts. Had Killua not extended that mercy and said those kind words to Ikalgo, Ikalgo would not have saved him, and he would have died.

It's interesting/neat how the scene right after Ikalgo saving Killua from the needlefish involves Gon having his own encounter with another friendly Chimera Ant, and the tone of their conversation is quite a bit different:

Contrast is so important in Chimera Ant Arc!

Anyway, when Killua shows Ikalgo mercy, makes it clear that they're friends now, and invites him to come along and be part of the human side of the war, he essentially becomes to Ikalgo what Gon has been to him: Someone who represents light, and who represents a path forward to a better life. In this arc, Killua worries that he doesn't deserve a place at Gon's side, but at the same time here he extends the same kind of light and hope that Gon gave him to someone else.

As for the scene where Killua breaks off away from Gon in the Palace Invasion in order to protect Ikalgo, this continues to show Killua's world expanding outside of Gon. Notice how in this page, it clearly shows Killua leaving Gon behind--they have their backs to each other, which is a frequent image in this arc. His mission was to protect Gon and make sure Gon could complete his revenge against Pitou, so deviating from that mission is both shocking to him, and potentially dangerous, but it shows that he's starting to protect and care for others as well as Gon.

Now, I want to be clear that I see this as a positive step for Killua. At this point in the series, Killua had made Gon his entire reason for living, essentially, and him going outside of that and making other friends and protecting and caring about them is a vital step for his character. It's showing that he's becoming a more expansive, mature person who can care for multiple people (or ants) at once rather than centering his entire existence and sense of self around one person. He made this action as quickly and efficiently as possible so he could get back to Gon's side, but he did go out of his way and leave Gon behind momentarily, and even he is surprised by this.

And while obviously I adore his nearly single-minded love and devotion for Gon, with what happens between them in this arc he needs to have others in his life besides Gon, and it's part of his transition into also being the light for Alluka and Nanika. It's a result of Killua's own innate kindness and empathy and the choice he made to leave his previous life behind, but also, he was able to reach this point partly because Gon showed him the love and encouragement he needed to become the person he is.

Now, as for Ikalgo's role in the arc as a whole: He's part of a chain of kindness and mercy that ends up changing the entire outcome of the Chimera Ant arc. This post puts it incredibly well. The chain of kindness started at the beginning of the series, with Gon befriending and rescuing Killua in spite of his background, which then eventually leads to Killua sparing Ikalgo (who then saves Killua right back), and then Ikalgo sparing Welfin, and then Welfin giving Meruem Komugi's name so that they got to be together in the end. Ikalgo shows the consequences of Killua's kindness, which are also the consequences of Gon's kindness, in part.

A major theme of the series and of Chimera Ant arc is that love and kindness are transformative, and Ikalgo has such an important role in demonstrating that theme.

#hxh #hunter x hunter #ikalgo #killua #gon #welfin #chimera ant arc #killugon #gonkillu #meta #long post #anonymous #my posts

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siren song - xavier thorpe

requested: yes! requests: open! Hii! I was wondering if you could please a do an Xavier x f!Reader where maybe they are like best friends but she likes him and he doesn’t realize and he starts hanging around Wednesday more. the reader starts to feel neglected so she basically asks bianca to use her siren powers to make her forget Xavier, bianca is hesitant but she does it and Xavier finds out and it’s really angsty cause like his best friend doesn’t remember him? up to you if the spell can be reversed and if they have a happy ending or not! Thank you sm in advanced :)

A/N: you will not BELIEVE!! how excited i am for this request! im planning on turning it into multiple parts, so we will see how it works out <;33

wordcount: 5,359 warnings: me not knowing anything abt school systems, she/her reader, a small bit of angst, xavier abandoning reader, reader has telekinesis, lots of smaller scenes that are similar to the ones in the show, asking bianca to manipulate you, few curse words part 2

You have been best friends with Xavier for the longest time and you were convinced he shared romantic feelings for you as well. But, when he starts to become head over heels for the new girl and ignores you at the Rave'n, you can only think of one solution. Bianca's Siren Song.

The first half of the semester had passed already, as you were now finally on your break. One week to do anything you wanted which meant you could go back home, but this time, you decided to stay at Nevermore. Xavier mentioned that he wouldn't be going anywhere anyway; his father didn't care if he came by, and to spare himself the trouble, he would just stay at Nevermore and close to his art studio.

So, considering you are his best friend, you decide to also stay. Surely not because you have feelings for him. Though, that might also have weighed in as you made your decision to stay.

"Finally!"

Xavier lets himself fall down on your bed. Yoko had left for the week, leaving you all alone in the big room. You hated being alone for too long, so you invited Xavier over. He was one of the only people that would stay at Nevermore anyway.

"If I had to listen to any more talking about plants, I would have set the classroom on fire," he mumbles as his face is planted in your pillow, making it hard for you to hear what he is talking about.

You let out a laugh before dropping your bag next to the bed. After three hours of Botany, you could also take a break from the subject.

"Hm," you nod, sitting down next to his legs. "Are you down for a trip to Jericho? We can get some drinks and snacks, movie night?"

Xavier immediately looks up, nodding his head before rolling off the bed. It was a 25-minute walk, but the sun was shining and it wasn't too cold, so it wouldn't be that bad.

After two hours you are finally back in your dorm. The shopping had taken a bit longer as both you and Xavier had forgotten to change out of your Nevermore uniforms, resulting in some nasty glares and bad comments from the townspeople.

"Weren't those freaks supposed to be going home?" You look back at the voice, seeing a small group of guys around your age huddled together, snickering and laughing at you and Xavier. The tall boy pulls your arm, trying to get you away from the group. "Come on, they're just assholes. No need to make a fuss," he whispers in your ear. With a deep breath you turn around, but not before making the can in one of the guys' hands fly to the ground as it explodes on impact, soaking the group in the sticky soda. You let out a chuckle before following Xavier back to Nevermore.

After getting some dinner in the Quad, you race upstairs again. Normally, there are no guys allowed in Ophelia Hall, so you had to sneak Xavier in. Luckily you had done that many times before already, and if you were extra lucky, Thornhill would let you go without any hassle.

Your desk gets filled with all the snacks that the two of you had gotten in Jericho. There is so much, that you wouldn't be surprised if it lasted more than only a week.

"All right, so do you vote for an animated movie, action, romance, horror?"

Xavier was busy picking out a movie as you transformed your bed into some type of 'movie watching paradise'. It is filled with enough blankets and pillows to be a bird's nest, but at least it is comfortable and warm. Once the movie is chosen, Xavier scoots in next to you. The bed is meant for only one person, so it was a tight fit, but neither of you acknowledged it. If anything, it made your heart race faster as your cheeks felt warmer. You have had feelings for Xavier for a while now, never knowing if he returned them, though he has never proven that he didn't.

And that is how the week flew by.

Hanging out in either your or his dorm and sometimes even in the art studio. You weren't the best artist, but you would just sit and watch him paint, handing over some drinks and snacks during the day as you worked on your own thing. Then, at night, you would watch a movie or listen to music before dozing off.

Slowly, all the Nevermore students start coming back, and the dorms fill up again. Yoko had also come back, so you stopped sneaking Xavier in for a bit. Not that Yoko really cared, but you thought that she would maybe want to enjoy the room by herself for a bit before you invited him in.

"Oh my God, Y/N! I haven't seen you in so long," Enid squeals, wrapping her arms around you as you finally joined your group in the Quad. "You will never guess what news I have!"

"What is it?"

"I'm getting a roommate!" She cheers. "I have been alone this entire semester, but Thornhill told me that on Monday, I will finally get a roomie!"

Ajax winces, a distraught look on his face.

"You're forgetting the part where she ate her classmate."

Enid rolls her eyes, shaking her head.

"It wouldn't be the weirdest thing at Nevermore. though it is kinda weird... Anyway, it's only a rumor."

You look at Xavier and he only shrugs, a smirk on his face as the two of you look at the bickering between Ajax and Enid. It is only a matter of waiting to see if there will be an actual cannibal in your school or not.

That evening, Xavier invited you to the Nightshade Library to chill there. 'A quiet moment before the shit show starts again,' he had said, and you couldn't agree more. Not to mention that there was only a small group of people who knew how to get into the library.

"Do you think the new girl is actually a cannibal?"

Xavier bursts out laughing before spinning the pencil in his hand.

"I would surely hope not. You know Enid, when she hears a rumor, she writes about it."

That was true. You don't know how she did it, but Enid always knew what was going on in Jericho and at Nevermore. How? No idea. You look up at the pencil that levitates in the air. You had stolen it out of Xavier's bag, mindlessly controlling it as you talked to him about all sorts of things.

"That's true. I'm sure Enid's blog will be full of new gossip in a few days."

"Her mother used to do fencing," Enid mumbles, her mouth full of food. "She killed two kids, not one! She said she didn't keep count, but I don't know if that is true. I feel like she will fit in though."

Ajax looks at her with a horrified look on his face. How does she say that and be so calm about it? He had been face-to-face with the new girl when Enid did a whole tour around the school.

A laugh escapes your lips when you see his expression as you almost spit out your drink. You love how exaggerated the Gorgon is sometimes.

"She also insulted my side of the room! She apparently is allergic to color or something, it's insane. Y/N, does my room look like rainbow vomit?"

You look from Xavier to her, hesitating for a moment before shaking your head. Her room is extremely colorful, but you wouldn't bring it as rude as the new girl.

"No, not at all. I find your room very comforting, actually."

Enid lets out a relieved sigh. She knew it!

You stand opposite of Xavier, your blade in your hand as you are dressed in the white fencing suit. Xavier and you always trained together. You both knew each other so well that the moves were quite predictable, but that is also what made it more difficult.

When you hear another pair of footsteps nearing, you look up. A girl, around your height, enters the room. Also dressed in fencing attire, though hers are dyed as dark as a shadow. You take off your cap, looking at her in confusion before averting your gaze to Xavier. He had also taken off his mask as he looks at the new person.

"Coach! She tripped me!"

"It was a clean strike, Rowan," Coach almost sighs. This has been the fourth time he tried to go up against Bianca, but he never made it.

"Maybe practice some more. I'm sure you will get it," she smirks. "Try again next time, Laslow. Seriously, Coach. When am I going to get some real competition?"

Bianca might be the queen of Nevermore, but she is also the queen in fencing. No one can beat her and it is something she is quite proud of. You never hung out with her a lot, but she is always sweet to you.

"Anyone else want to challenge me?"

You were almost up to it as you had never gone against her before, but the newbie beats you to it.

"I do."

Bianca turns around to face the new girl, a surprised yet amused look on her face.

"Oh!" She exclaims. "You must be the psychopath they let in."

"And you must be the self-appointed Queen Bee," the other girl says, her face clear of any emotion.

"No need to start throwing around names," Bianca raises an eyebrow. "Rowan doesn't need anyone to come to his defense. He's not helpless, just lazy."

"Are we doing this or not?"

Two rounds pass between the girls fencing as they both have one point. You elbow Xavier to try and tell him something, but see that his gaze is fixated on the girl in the black suit. You breathe in deeply before just looking back at the fight.

No masks or tips? Is she insane?

Even though Wednesday is the one to propose the idea, Bianca still scratches her first, a bloody mark apparent on the forehead of her opponent. Another day where Bianca is left as the top in the class.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Xavier huffs, his hair still damp. "I uh- I was stuck in the infirmary."

You were annoyed, but now also worried.

"What? Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you?"

"Oh, no! No, you know those gargoyle statues on the roofs? One fell down, almost hitting Wednesday. I pushed her out of the way and then had to bring her to the infirmary. She wasn't even happy with it, she was almost upset about the fact she didn't die."

"What a hero," you joke, a smile on your face as you also feel a pang in your chest.

You don't want to be that person, Xavier is free to spend time with anyone you wish. Maybe it is just your insecurity. But, he is here now. With you.

While Xavier was working on the mural, you just sat with him, handing him a new paintbrush or filling up his paint palette whenever he needed it. When hanging out with him, you never really needed to do something crazy each and every time. You could sit next to him in silence and it would still be considered a good time for you.

"Do you hear that?"

You hum, looking up from your phone. In the distance, you can hear a cello. The source seems to be from Enid's dorm. Or, shared dorm now. Enid couldn't play the cello, so it must be Wednesday.

"Beautiful."

It was time for the Harvest Festival, something you looked forward to for a while. There would be games, food, and music, and you would be spending it with some of your friends.

The field was already filled with groups of people excited for a night of fun. Jericho wasn't necessarily the place to be when it comes to entertainment, so the Harvest Festival was one of the biggest things every year. You walked in with Enid, Wednesday, Xavier, and Ajax as Weems walked right behind you. The lady was intimidating, but you knew that she wasn't there for you.

The principal had sat down on a bench, keeping a close eye on Wednesday as you walked a bit further with your own group.

"Where did Wednesday go?"

Xavier looks around, but the pig-tailed girl is nowhere to be seen. You shrug, the girl seems to be very quiet, so you didn't hear her sneak off either.

"I'll be right back, I will look for her real quick."

Before anyone can reply, Xavier walks off, trying to find the new girl. You look at Enid for a moment before shrugging yet again, continuing on with your adventure at the festival. You could try out some new food maybe, though the hotdogs were always good as well. After spending tons of money on food and drinks, you sat down at a picnic table, Kent and Yoko joining the group as well. After a few minutes, Xavier comes back, sitting down next to you with a huff. You push your popcorn a bit closer to you as he mutters a 'thank you' before stuffing some in his mouth.

"What got you so upset?" Ajax looks at his best friend, sauce stuck on the corners of his mouth.

"Just some normie," Xavier responds shortly, sipping your milkshake before placing it back in front of you.

"If anyone needs to be thrown against a wall, you know who to call," you just grin.

Telekinesis is, in your opinion, one of the most useful powers that you can have. Be it something big like moving a car, to something small like turning off a light when you are just getting comfortable in your bed.

Xavier just stays quiet which makes you stop talking about the subject. Whatever it was, it must have really annoyed or hurt him.

"Xav?" You knock on the wooden door. "Xavier, are you okay?"

You had just heard about Rowan being expelled from Nevermore, though the reason was unknown. Not even Enid knew why the boy got kicked out.

After some shuffling, the door opens. Dressed in a red shirt and grey sweats he awkwardly looks at you.

"You uh- You can come in. There is no one else here anyway," he mumbles, a slight smile on his face.

When he turns around to walk to his bed, you notice some bruises on his arms.

"You okay?"

He only nods before laying down on his bed, patting the place next to him. With a smile you sit down as well, running your fingers over the blue-ish patches on his skin.

"Rowan went a bit crazy," he only whispers. "No need to worry. Movie?"

When you get into your Botany class, you see that your usual seat is already taken. Wednesday sits next to your best friend, sitting on the chair that almost had your name written on it. You breathe in deeply before walking to the back of the class, taking your place next to Bianca.

"What is going on between you two?"

"Nothing," you whisper back. "Xavier is just friendly."

"I doubt Wednesday is impressed by your tricks, mister Thorpe."

You look over at his desk as you see a big spider crawling out of his page, stopping in front of the girl.

"Admit it," he smirks. "You're a little impressed."

One smack was all it took to change the spider into dust, making it disappear into thin air.

"Xavier, sit still!"

The two of you are laughing as you almost sit on his lap, a brush in your right hand and face paint in your left. He insisted that he wouldn't be able to do the makeup for the Poe Cup himself and that you had to help him. You were almost finished, but Xavier got impatient as he moved around.

"Ta-da!"

You push him in front of the mirror before throwing his hat at him. When he puts it on he does some silly faces. The dark makeup around his eyes does really make the blue-green pop. Xavier catches you staring at him as you seem almost mesmerized by his look. He turns around with a smirk, looking down at you before charging at you, making you let out a scream before trying to escape his hands.

"Xavier! Come on, we have to get to our boats!"

You follow Ajax and Xavier outside, meeting up with the rest of the people that were excited about the Poe Cup. Four teams that will compete against each other, though you wouldn't be surprised if Bianca's team won again. Putting Sirens on water? There is simply no other way.

Every boat is painted inspired by an Edgar Allen Poe story, and they all looked amazing.

"Good luck," you whisper to Xavier before he gets into the boat.

"Oh, we will win," he winks before jumping onto his seat and pulling his jester hat down.

The boats take off after the gunshot, some faster than others. You wonder what type of sabotage this year would bring. After only a minute, the first boat crashes already.

All the boats are out of sight as you patiently wait. What is strange to you is that Wednesday participates. Enid even made Wednesday wear cat ears- though you are sure she absolutely despises them. Something about Yoko accidentally eating garlic and the pig-tailed girl taking her place.

From afar you can see a red, black, and yellow boat getting closer and closer to the shore, though the Jokers seem to be slowing down and even- sinking? Oh god, Xavier is not going to like this.

It almost seemed like Bianca would win again, but that is until the spikes go through the side of their boat, ripping holes into it as it slowly fills up with water.

The Black Cats had won, making Enid scream with happiness as she jumps up and down with the Cup in her hands. Oh, you will never hear the end of this. Ajax and Xavier are sitting at a table, both sulking while staring down at the piece of cake that they had gotten. They were so upset with their loss, that they couldn't even take a bite of it.

"You guys did amazing, I am sure that you will win the next cup!"

Xavier only huffs, pushing the cake around with the fork.

Both Xavier and Ajax are extremely competitive, so they took the loss extremely personally. But, you believe in them. You always do.

When Xavier had told you that Wednesday found his private art studio and asked him to the Rave'n, your heart broke a little. Somewhere in your mind, you had hope. Hope that he would ask you to the dance. But he seemed so happy. So happy that the girl that he admired asked him to the dance.

Since then, he barely talked to you. No more movie nights, the seat next to him was always taken by the deadpanned girl, and even during lunch, he would barely say anything. Texts would be left on seen and calls would be ignored.

The news of Xavier basically being dumped for the Rave'n should upset you. And in a way, it does. You knew that he admired Addams, but if she hadn't blown Xavier off, you wouldn't be here right now.

"She just totally messed it up. Sneaked into my studio just to accuse me of the most outrageous shit," Xavier scoffs, his hands running through his hair, almost pulling it out of his scalp.

"Hey," you lean closer to him, taking hold of his hands. "We can go to the Rave'n if you want? At least neither of us will be alone."

Your fingers slowly comb through his hair, taking out some small knots on the way. He only nods, staring down at the floor.

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a plan."

Your outfit matches Xaviers perfectly. His suit was nice and crisp, decorated with a small black ribbon around his neck. You added a ribbon around your wrists and neck, almost acting as a necklace with matching bracelets. You hold onto his arm with a bright smile as the two of you walk through the Quad and towards the Rave'n.

"I'm so happy you got that stain out," Xavier laughs. "Remind me to never eat anything with ketchup when I wear something white."

"I tried to! But you insisted on it," you giggle, greeting Thornhill before entering the prom.

The room is decorated with bunches of white flowers, sparkles, lights, and what seems to be ice sculptures. It is truly a sight.

"Punch?"

"Have anything to spike it with?"

You let out a gasp before elbowing Xavier, shaking your head with a laugh.

"No, but we might be able to get something from Ajax later tonight."

Both of you take a cup of punch, smoke coming out of the cups. It looks kind of intimidating, but at least it tastes good.

You had sat down with Devina, Kent and Xavier, though Xavier is more quiet than usual.

"Are you okay?" You mumble, looking up at him. "Is it Wednesday?"

He turns his empty glass in his fingers, letting out a soft sigh. He doesn't want to be upset, but the feeling of being dumped like that still hurts him in a way.

"Yeah," a smile makes its way on his face. "I'm sorry. I do really like being here with you."

Your cheeks feel warm and your heart feels like it will explode, so you take his hand, softly squeezing it before nodding.

"If you want to leave, you can always tell me."

"Yo!" Ajax hurries over before he taps Xavier on his shoulder. "Check that out!"

Everyone looks over to where he is pointing at. Wednesday Addams. Her gown is black instead of the usual white and she is accompanied by some Normie. Huh, you would never have guessed that that was what she was into.

"Wednesday totally busted out of her cocoon."

It's true. The girl does really pull off the look, even though you never expected her to enjoy the Rave'n. But, to be totally fair, her face looks almost disgusted as she takes in the decorations. Your eyes fall on Xavier, who is back to having barely any emotion on his face as his eyes are just fixated on the Addams girl.

Without any warning, Xavier stands up, walking towards Wednesday as she pours some punch into two glasses. You try and ask him what he is doing, but decide to hold your tongue.

You were so excited that he finally talked to you again after ignoring you for Wednesday. He finally returned to his old self, but the second the darkly dressed girl stepped into the room, it is like you didn't exist anymore. Wednesday herself never did you any wrong, and that is why it makes you mad at yourself. How can you be so annoyed with a girl that has nothing done wrong?

You just wish you were her. You wish you could pull off her hairstyle, be deadpanned, and be intimidating while also being beautiful. But most of all, you wanted the attention that she got from Xavier.

"You okay?" Kent whispers, looking at you with his eyebrows creased.

He spent a lot of time with you while you were being ignored by your best friend, so he kind of knew what was going on. You only nod, averting your gaze down to your empty cup. Did you not mean anything to him? Come on, Y/N. Stop exaggerating, he can have other friends.

When you look back up you see that he is still talking to an uninterested Wednesday.

"I'll be right back," you mumble, picking up the hem of your dress before going through the exit.

The music here is quieter and the lights are dimmed. Even though you can hear the talking and dancing in the room right next to you, you still feel alone. Are you a bad friend for wanting Xavier's attention? Are you being too jealous? Or maybe you are just being too insecure.

You plop down on the couch, letting out a sigh as you stare at your shoes. Your heart wishes that this evening would have gone differently. You could go out and have fun with the rest, yet you sit here, sulking.

It doesn't take long to hear another pair of footsteps.

"Whoever invented high heels clearly had a side hustle as a torturer."

You look to the side, seeing Wednesday pull on her heels. You let out a chuckle, shrugging.

"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised. You know what they say; suffering tests a woman."

"Speaking of suffering," the girl turns around, looking at you. "Where is your date? I didn't see you and Xavier on the dance floor. But I don't blame you, the music at this dance is appalling."

"We uh- I don't know. He walked off. Haven't seen him since he went up to you."

Wednesday hums, leaning back against the couch as well. If she had to dance one more time, she might start breaking her own legs.

"Wednesday? Can I ask you something?"

"You already are," she states.

You laugh awkwardly before you breathe in. Your hands are shaking, making you feel stupid for asking.

"How... How did you manage to get Xavier's attention?"

She raises an eyebrow, looking at your face. You don't dare to look at her, though. It was already embarrassing for you to ask this question, you don't want to see her judgemental stare.

"If I knew, then I would immediately stop it. He is annoying and only stands in my way," she mutters, rolling her eyes. "Why? You are his best friend, does he not pay attention to you?"

"I wish he did a little more."

A sad smile on your face before you push yourself up, stretching your legs. Wednesday can't help it.

"Well," you nod, looking back at the Rave'n. "You look beautiful today, Wednesday."

As you walk off, you hear her respond.

"Xavier is an incredible idiot for not seeing how disgustingly in love you are."

This evokes a real laugh out of you. It is hard to absolutely hate the girl. But she is right. Then again, maybe you should have said something.

"Yo, yo, yo! Almost eleven o'clockity, so haul it out on the dance floor one last time before the Rave'n says Nevermore!"

Just as you enter, Kent pulls your arm, pulling you onto the floor for the last dance of the evening. You know what? Fuck it. Together with Enid and Kent, you do some weird moves, jumping and swinging your arms to the music.

You don't care anymore. You want to have fun with your friends, and though it would have been more fun with Xavier, you have to accept that he just... Doesn't feel the same.

You look up confused when you feel splatters on your face. Did the sprinklers go off? When you look at Kent, you see that red liquid is dripping down on his face.

"Kent? Are you hurt?"

Before he can answer, the sprinklers turn on fully, coating everything in a layer of red liquid. Is this blood? You look down at your dress and hands which are now stained. What kind of prank is this? People start screaming, trying to hurry out of the room, making you pick up your pace as well. The floor is extremely slippery as you almost fall over multiple times. Where is everyone? Where is Xavier?

As you reach the exit, you see Xavier and Tyler bumping into each other.

"What the hell are you doing, man?!"

"I'm just texting my dad," Tyler looks the guy up and down. "He's on his way. Have- Have you seen Wednesday? I lost her."

"How should I know," Xavier sneers, turning back around to leave already. "She's your date."

"Xavier?"

He looks back at you once before walking off. You pause for a second, frozen in your place before you faintly hear Tyler asking if you're alright.

"I uh- Yeah. Sorry for Xavier."

After you finally washed all the paint out of your hair and off of your skin, you decide that you want to visit Xavier. He was definitely still not doing fine, and though he blew you off, you just had to make sure he was okay. After all, you were still his date today.

Dressed in your pajamas you sneak out of your room and towards the hall that Xavier stays in. He must have showered now as well. You hate to admit it, but even covered in the paint, he was still amazingly pretty.

"Xavier?" You whisper-yell, knocking on the door of his room. "Xav- Can you let me in, please? If Coach sees me here he will kill me."

The door swings open, revealing an annoyed boy hiding behind it. You sneak in quickly as the door closes behind you.

"What?" He asks, biting on his cheeks. He wanted to be alone, yet you are here now.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," you shrug. "Seeing Tyler after he beat you up can't be too nice."

"I'm doing perfectly fine, thanks."

"Xavier, you and I both know-"

"Stop," he glares down at you. "There is no such thing as you and i."

His tone breaks your heart. What is he talking about?

"How would you feel if the person you like would show up to the Rave'n with some shit normie? Knowing you are stuck there with someone who isn't her?"

"Xavier! She left you for nothing," you scoff. "I have always been there for you. Always! When you broke up with Bianca, when you had to stay here because your father didn't come to pick you up, I invited you to sit with me during the Visiting Weekend-"

"Oh yeah!" He throws up his arms. "You are such a good person, Y/N."

So... sarcastic. Were you really that bad of a friend?

"And why do you even care that much? You are literally just exaggerating! You have been blowing up my phone for no reason knowing that I was busy!"

"Because I wanted my best friend back! You have been so obsessed with Wednesday-"

"So this is about Wednesday?" He scoffs, crossing his arms. "She has done nothing wrong to you! Never! You are just bitching and being mad because she is better than you. Is all of this literally because I like her? Is that why you're mad? Jealous?"

"What if I am?! What if I just want even an ounce of your attention? Wednesday doesn't even like you!"

"Don't," he leans closer to you, gritting his teeth. "Talk shit about her. Leave."

He points to the door.

"Leave!"

The tears that had piled up in your eyes started rolling down your cheeks. Never did the boy talk to you like this, not once in the few years that you have been befriended.

You walk out the door, not one more word said to him as the door gets thrown shut behind you. If only you could find a way to forget about him. Maybe it would have been better if you never met him at all. You knew that you would never be like Wednesday, but were you not good enough?

What if you tried some type of spell or brainwashing? Surely someone in Nevermore has some type of way to make you forget. Even only a small amount of weed from Ajax would help. What if you make Wednesday torture you until you forget? God, you wish you could just say the word and forget-

A word to forget.

Bianca.

You hurry towards the room belonging to the Siren. She knows how you feel. She must help you. You will do anything for her to help you.

"Bianca!" You knock on her door, breathing in shakily as stray tears fall down your cheeks. "Bianca, please."

The door opens slowly, revealing a confused Bianca. A towel is resting on her shoulders and she is also already dressed in her sleepwear.

"Please," you sniff. "Use your Siren Song. Make me forget Xavier. Please."

#xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe imagine #xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe oneshot #wednesday imagine #wednesday one shot #wednesday netflix

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btdemaru · 1 year

Text

Obey Me! Dating fluff headcanon.

ft. The 7 demon brothers seperate

(obey me brothers x GN! Reader)

Note : these r just the headcanon + love language that i think would fit them, if it's abit ooc i apologize!

Warning : slightly suggestive

Lucifer

his love language is definitely acts of service and quality time

Opening doors for you, pouring you a cup of coffee he made just for the both of you

Whenever he's doing work and you're in the room with him, he'd probably pull you onto his lap

Lucifer loves and always enjoys the times you spend together frfr

Even if it's just in his room, going for night walks, fancy dinners and so on

If you guys go out for dinner or just grocery shopping he would definitely put his hand around your waist just to show everyone there that you're his

He'll say that hes a little overprotective.. even tho 'little' is far from how protective he actually is 💀

Tends to overwork himself so you have to force him to get his ass to bed whether you drag him or not

Is too prideful to admit that he craves your hugs and cuddles every night

Mostly calls you 'my love' or 'my dearest'

If you disturb him while he's working on a deadline or just giving him an attitude he'd definitely be pissed and wouldn't hesitate to put your bratty attitude in place

Loves kissing your lips and neck

Mammon

I think his love language is gifting (more to receiving gifts lmfao) and physical touch

Will make you his lucky charm when he's gambling 😉

If he won, you're in for a treat! Would spend the money he won on you by buying you new clothes, shoes, jewelry or even a lingerie (more of a gift for him tbh)

Mammon is very caring towards you so when he sees that you're down or upset he'd definitely will try his hardest to cheer you up

Which probably is easy since he's such a fun demon to he around with so you're never bored with him around

I think his nicknames for you that he uses alot is probably 'stupid' or 'human'

Ofcourse he doesn't mean it when hes insulting you though

If he hears anyone insulting you he'd make a scene which sometimes mostly isn't really needed if you dont give a shit about what other demon/people say.

Favorite parts of you he likes to kiss is your cheeks

Leviathan

I've always imagined him as a sweet boy (so breedable)

His love language? Quality time and maybe physical touch <3

He's mostly in his room, so when you invited yourself in and started talking about how you like his interest he'd burst right there and then.

Loves your touch, perhaps abit clingy..? Typa guy who'd snuggle with you in bed while he's playing games or sitting on your lap while he's fighting bosses 👌

has difficulty accepting that you choose to spend time with him or even dating him

If you decide to cosplay just for his eyes only his brain would malfunctioned, face and ears all red flushed

Tbh he'd get just a teeny tiny bit jealous when you pay more attention to henry 2.0 than him but he thinks it's cute that you also care for his little goldfish.

Would call you 'normie' or just by your name

Loves when you reassure him no matter the situation, when he has nightmares or his self-esteem isn't good or more.

Kisses your inner thighs or hand

Satan

Maybe word of affirmation?

Satan would write and reads the poems he made just for you

Most likely he'll read you stories if you're struggling to sleep or has insomnia

he will let you read him the book he's reading while he lays on your lap demanding his head to be stroked as well

Favorite activity with you is reading together in bed the whole day or going to a cat cafe, taking pictures of you holding a cat (would probably make it his wallpaper)

He can be harsh sometimes especially when he just had an argument again with Lucifer and would apologize dearly when he lashes out at you.

Not much of a PDA fan but will hold your hand when the you're going out together

Idk abt nicknames but probably 'kitten' (?) Or 'darling'

Satan will keep every cat item you gave him (keychain, plushie ect)

Kisses your right hand alot along with your lips

Asmodeus

Physical touch 🔛🔝

We all know he's flirty and he won't hide it

He loves PDA so be prepared lmaoo, he'll hold your hand/waist or give you random kisses here and there whether it's on your lips, neck, hand anywhere!

You guys would go on shopping dates ALOT, he loves picking clothes for you and once even tried going in to the changing room with you to "help".

Shopping with him takes pretty long- after buying clothes he goes to buy perfume then shoes then nail polishes then this and that, but no worries he'd spoil you to buy whatever you want there

Asmo buys alot of matching outfits for the both of you

Without you noticing he'd probably buy new toys every now and then for the both of you to try (iykyk)

Another favorite activity he likes to drag you into is warm steamy baths together, just the thought of your bare body touching gets him excited!

Has plenty of nickname for you its uncountable 'sweetie', 'love', 'darling', 'dollface', 'hottie' and 'sexy'

Beelzebub

quality time

This big boy melts like putty when you cook for him, whether it's a dish from where you came from to his favorite foods

Likes to cuddle with you while eating chips, the crumbs tend to get all over you but he has no problem cleaning it up with his mouth

Ask you on a movie date alot (bringing snacks and food is a must!!)

Loves when you're watching him exercise and would be happy if you join him

He'd blush hard if he notice you staring at his body (who wouldn't tbh)

Sometimes but rarely ask his twin brother to join on sleepy dates

Usually would walk behind you or hold your hands, nobody would dare to do anything to you if he's around- he would throw hands if you got physically hurt by someone- so you'll definitely feel safe with him

'honey' or food based stuff is probably his favorite nickname to call you.

I think he'd bite you softly more than kisses, but if he does kisses you it's mostly collarbone or forehead

Belphegor

Like his twin beel, loves quality time with you!

Your dates with him would probably 99.999% be sleepy dates and cuddles

Always ask you to sleep next to him, bodies tangled together and just so comfy he LOVES it!

I personally like to think that he purrs- so imagine him purring loudly while you give him head pats and sleeping on your chest.

Gives you the right airpods/headset so you both can relax while listening to music together, just enjoying each other's company

His body temperature is ice cold so if you're a warm person expect him to cling to you everywhere

If you aren't there he'd probably pouts while hugging his pile of stuffed animals and pillows until you get back

Hogs your lap purposely if you're having a conversation with beel, belphie pretends to be asleep tho he's listening to both of your convo.

Nicknames? I think he'd just call you by your name.

Sleepy kisses on your lips, sometimes sloppy makeout sessions.

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gatitties · 1 year

Note

NO BECAUSE !!!!!!!! i think we need more interactions of Assassin!Reader x Bonten 😩😩 (thank u for da reader who requested it bcs my 🫀 is beating happiness) or maybe you could make this a series??? 👀👀 bUT ANYWAYS can I request a Assassin!Reader x Bonten where Bonten was trying to find some info abt Reader but ofc Reader knows abt it so when there's a general meeting for the Bonten Executives, she appeared into the meeting like she was just watching them the whole time 🤣 and Reader is mad mad abt it. she doesn't want them to snoop around her life

(if u dont want to do this, its ok!!! no pressure. lovelots 🫰🏻)

─Yandere!Bonten x assassin!reader

─Summary: tired of so much persecution you decide to set the record straight, but you are only making a mistake

─Warnings: mención of blood, unwarranted obsession, toxic behaviors, yandere stuff

first of all, I still don't know how to write action or fight scenes, I'm sorry, second, many people will be grateful to you for the request, and third, how so many people liked it?! 😭🤚anyway, here you go (about making a miniseries Idk, but if I have any idea for this I will definitely write it 😌) @ajmiila02, @kenmasbimbo, @uniqueeggtoast, @belle643, @simpingfor-wakasa, @ihavestrawberryjam, @binibining-mariaclara, @sereinitysmind (hope that I didn't left anyone untagged)

Part one / Part Three

"You should stop turning down those job offers, they offer you a good amount and your other clients seem not to ask for your help much lately."

You sighed looking at the request manager, he took your silence to mean that you didn't really care, you never have anything stable in this world, there were always better and worse times so it wouldn't really worry you.

"Just take care to let me know if there are other people than 'Mr. B', their requests are ridiculous."

The man raised both hands, nodding to your petition, after that you left the alley where you met the manager, returning to the busy streets of Tokyo in the middle of rush hour, where everyone was walking down the street without worries, you mixed among those people until you reached a suburb of small houses. You opened the rickety door with a nasty creak, looking at the garbage that flooded the floor, you couldn't ask for more for the minimum amount of this place and location, anyway it was time to move to another apartment.

Not only because you needed to change 'home' from time to time, but because lately you had felt less safe with your environment, it all started when you accepted the first request from 'Mr. B', they only asked you to kill a man, you did your job but also you discovered the identity of that 'B' who turned out to be not just one person but rather several.

You don't usually remember faces or names that aren't necessary for your missions, so you had to rack your brains to remember those two faces you saw, then you linked them to that group you saved in that brothel a month ago. Luckily only you could see how the guy with the pink mullet and the guy with the scar who tried to stop you that time were there, they seemed to be watching your movements with a satisfied smile when they saw little drops of blood fall from your face.

You interpreted that 'Mr. B' was all that group that you barely remembered the appearance of, you thought that on that occasion they were only there to check that you did your job well, but you noticed how they started to track you after that assignment, although of course, they could not find you and their only way to see you would be for those orders, which you did not accept.

The next two months your usual customers disappeared without a trace, it's not like you received daily orders but it was strange that all your requests were now only from 'B', it irritated you because it meant a heavy blow to your name in the underground, by refusing to take orders to Bonten, no one else did it as if they felt threatened.

But the worst of all was that every step you took you felt their eyes on you, every corner you turned you saw their shadow on you, it bothered you enough to think about killing them but you seriously thought about it and it would get you nowhere, you didn't used to kill to reputable or well-known people because that would cause a more intensive search for you and those guys seemed to be at least successful because they were handling a ridiculous amount of money.

You didn't even know their names and they always seemed to be on your trail, you never let them get too close to you, but lately they seemed closer and closer to finding you directly, you got fed up, you weren't leading a quiet and peaceful life, but inside from the garbage of your work you could always have a rest from all those deaths, you could always have a little space to pretend that your life was not rubble and everything was normal.

"Looks like I'm going to have to do some special work or I'll go completely hysterical."

As you were getting ready to leave that same night, all of the Bonten executives gathered at their meeting point earlier today, all sitting at a round table waiting for Mikey to start the meeting, though he waved for Takeomi to start since he was already busy eating his taiyaki.

"As you know we have been looking for that assassin from that day, we have always followed clues but we never managed to find the person, but today, we will complete the capture plan."

They all nodded in sync, some more eager than others, after all the stupid game of cat and mouse made them feel more irrationally attracted to you, Mochizuki always enjoyed watching you mix so well with people but quickly lost sight of you that he needed more from you, Sanzu and Rin enjoy seeing you staining you with the blood of your targets, Kakucho seems to appreciate your fighting style, Takeomi sees you as a difficult puzzle to solve and Ran and Kokonoi were perhaps the least attached to that exalted image of you, but they were curious about you.

"Is everyone clear about their part of the plan? We can't let anything go wrong, she never leaves a trace and knows how to erase her tracks, so we'll have to resort to more violent methods than just watching how she goes on our faces."

The meeting continued for a few minutes, explaining each phase and step while unknown to them you were in the room ventilation listening to everything, your blood boiled listening to how they talked about how they would make you bow down to them, it was your breaking point.

"Once we capture her, we can do what we want with her?"

"Only what I allow."

Mikey got up answering Sanzu who rolled his eyes for the answer, the leader patted his shirt to remove all the rest of the crumbs, with that everyone knew that the meeting had ended although to their surprise three bullets hit the table right in front of the site from Mikey, immediately after you kicked the grate and jumped on top of the table pointing your two pistols at everyone.

"I am going to make one thing clear, do not interfere in my life, I don't know what you want from me, but I'm not looking for anything from you."

You kicked Rin's arm as he tried to grab your leg, immediately firing Sanzu's pistol to disarm him, then ducking to avoid Ran's staff.

"What about the expenses for destroying that brothel?"

"You speak as if-" you jumped from the table hitting Kakucho's hands with the butt of your pistol, moving as far away from them "as if you lacked money, I know you are 'Mr. B', there is no point in charging me for that."

"We don't need reasons to want you as our slave! If we want something we have it and you would be a great possession to us."

"Oh just go to hell, Chunzu, I don't care about you or your supposed leader Mokey, I'm asking for peace of mind! and I want you to take this as a warning."

You took a little momentum, doing a slight somersault on the table, you shot at the large window breaking the glass into small pieces, you ran towards the broken window to jump through it, the arms of Mochizuki and Rin trying to reach your body unsuccessfully, you spun in the air and fired one last time before your body was thrown from the top floor of the building, disappearing into the darkness of the night and the buildings.

The bullet made Mikey's dyed hair move slightly, a couple of cut strands slowly descending to the ground, everyone fell silent watching their leader look at the window you had thrown out of, Kokonoi snapping everyone out of their daze.

"Mikey…?"

"If she want to play that game we'll play, before it was a whim, but now it's a necessity, I want her here."

He turned now looking at the wall where the lead bullet had been nailed, brushing the hole and scratching slightly to remove the small object, he smiled observing the shape and caliber.

"Let's start… analyzing this."

He took one last look at his most trusted executives before walking off fiddling with the 10mm bullet, they all looked at each other with a new flame burning in their eyes, you're only making things worse, you should have run but it was too late to get rid of them.

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lacedupforyou · 1 year

Note

hiiii i loved your bllk and tokrev fics 😭 can i also request a nagi and kunigami yandere hcs? i read that there’s already a sae one in the works so im also excited abt that 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

Yandere Nagi (See End For Notes)

Nagi at first had in interest in getting to know you. You're his agent, You should be serving him and doing your job. You always carried him places brought him snacks or drinks if he was feeling it. Brought him his devices and such.

One day after a long interview he was exhausted. You carried him piggy back and set him in the car and sat next to him. He leaned his head on your shoulder but you were professional through and through.

You carried him to his luxury condo and set him on his bed and tucked him in. Just as you were finished his fist grab a bunch of your shirt and pulled you close to him.

"Mhhhmmmm..Stay.."

"Mr Seishiro..What are yo-"

Before another word was said he pulled you close to him. His arms crushing you in a tight hold. You gasped for air as he nuzzled the crook of your neck. He mumbled some affirmations you couldn't hear. The night was long and you sunk into sleep. You woke up still in his arms he was clutching you like a lifeline. Holding you for several hours until you squirmed in his hold. "Mr Seishir-" "Nagi. Call me Nagi Y/n." "O-ok. Nagi, Would you pleas-" "No. Shhh I have no work today." You stayed silent, If there was one thing you had learned it was to not argue with nagi. He was childish he got what he wanted. And what he wanted was you and you only. The days molded together of you dragging nagi places, Having to promise him things with a kiss or a nap together. You were trapped with him his popularity rising his hold on you was suffocating but there was nothing you could do now. You were his and he was going to make it last

forever.

Yandere Kunigami Rensuke

At first it was an amazing relationship between you two. You were able to form a healthy bond when dealing with his popularity as his agent. People adored him for his physique, his smarts, and his belief in fairness. But he became enamored by how much care you showed for him You doing your job. He started to ignore his fangirls and stone wall around them.

He had his eyes on you, But that quickly transitioned to his hands on you, Wether it be on your shoulder, hand, hips, thigh. You being naive just thought nothing of it, Too stressed and focused on other things related to him..

He slowly thought your responses must all mean yes! You seemed so casual and laid back about his advances..You must want him as much as he does! He decided to ask you out..At dinner! A fancy moonlight dinner, All girls like that right? Maybe he'd marry you soon!

He had you go out with him and you suspected he was dropping you. You were tense and nervous..His cold gaze Him being nervous frightened you..

"Listen Mr Rensuke..I-"

"No no, I understand..I think we both understand what's going on."

"O-oh.. ok"

"Y/n, Will you..Go out with me.?"

His question shocked you with every word. Not what you were expecting at all. You rejected his advances firmly stating you were his agent and that it would never work between you two. That you had to be professional..That you were only his-..You blacked out. When the drinks had arrived, he slipped something in, He had to make sure you would not cause a scene and that he had to have a plan B after all.

He carried you out to the car and set you inside instructing the driver to drive to his place. He held you bridal style the whole time, Stroking your hair and cheek.

You were his, Always And Forever

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hijackalx · 6 months

Text

ASTARION SFW HEADCANONS:

yall he would be so embarrassed by how vampires are portrayed in the media. like enraged 😭😭 he feels like they make him look like a joke and would refuse to watch/read anything with vampires in it bcz nobody ever gets it right. but if modern day tav DID ever get him to watch twilight with them he would be like shrinking into his shirt from secondhand embarrassment AT FIRST but i feel like he would eventually get invested LMAO like u know how dads stand in front of the tv and get stuck there bcz theyre too interested lol that kind of vibe

sooo hedonistic and materialistic like he loves all things luxurious, chocolates, expensive fabrics, comfortable furniture etc. he does NOT want to settle for anything less. but this also means he expects the same for tav 🥰 but he's kind of messy too? like it makes sense with being materialistic bcz eventually youll have lots of clutter. his tent has all kinds of unnecessary shit

hes lowkey sentimental. LOWKEY THOUGH he would never admit it. like if tav ever gave him something like idk, a necklace they found or something and said it made them think of him he'd literally keep it forever and ever. dont call him out on it tho bcz he'll get defensive af 😔 HES SUCH A BABY

tav and him will argue A LOT but thats because he purposely pushes ppls buttons. (nsfw mention) its like foreplay to him and if u read the nsfw section youll see why lol

so sooooo jealous but only if he feels like youre getting too close to someone else. like initially i dont think tav sleeping with someone else makes him jealous bcz of his backstory like he doesnt rlly view sex as something that only happens between two ppl that love each other and thats what would bother him the most. and i think hes only open sexually bcz hes conditioned himself to be that way, like maybe after a while of being with tav it really would start to bother him if they were sleeping with other ppl and he'd eventually want to be exclusive.

also he cares abt tav so much. like he pretends like he doesnt but if they freak him out enough theyll see just how much he worries abt them and wants them safe 😭❤️

love language:

giving = words of affirmation. he loves to call tav pet names and comment on how good they are at things and how good they look etc. he LOVESSS it especially if tav responds to it in any way (physically or verbally) bcz he also loves to tease lol. also dare i say physical touch? like just innocently touching tav all the time. this i feel bcz he (spoiler???) rlly enjoyed the hug during his confession scene and also wants to hold tav's hand after. (end of possible spoiler) like he'll prolly do little things like rub tav's back or caress their face randomly while theyre talking to him lol all very sensual tho hes a very sensual man

receiving = words of affirmation and physical touch lol both in the way i described before. i dont think he would like tav teasing him tho most of the time he gets genuinely pissed off 😹😹😹 hes just a lil short tempered

apparently hes 5'9 but i dont know where thats coming from lol i dont get that vibe he looks pretty lanky i would say between 5'11-6' is more realistic like lets be honest a 5'9 man lured back all those victims for cazador? be so fucking for real 😭😭 also decent muscle tone not scrawny but not SWOLE

ASTARION NSFW HEADCANONS:

lets go girls and gays 👯 for starters i dont really see him enjoying being submissive at all like u had to roll a 15 to even get the mf to say 'please'. i think this is especially because he hates having his autonomy taken away from him but he has a controlling personality in general (he was deciding ppls fates as a magistrate before cazador 🧍🏼like HELLO what the fuck was that 😹😹) . he likes to call the shots BUT i dont think hes selfish (kinda feel like hes a giver lowkey?? are we feeling the service dom allegations ??) he just withholds what tav likes until they do what he wants or theyre good for him. he always remembers to reward them tho 😇

he LOVES BRATS (hence the arguing mentioned before) !!!!!!! theyre his absolute favorite like theres something abt putting someone in their place that turns him on so much. theyre also so fun. he usually does it by being mean and degrading them tho lol. but once they submit to him hes so soo sweet. theyll also get bonus points for calling him something that implies hes above them (daddy, sir, master) but he wont make them. he prolly likes to see if he can make them do it voluntarily for an ego boost lol.

hes sadistic in the sense that he likes to “hurt” tav but not in extreme ways. he likes them too much for that. like he'll pull their hair and choke them (bite them) or something but he wont cause them horrific pain if u catch my drift. i still feel like hes into seeing them cry tho lol like if they go to him for a shoulder to cry on he'll try to act sympathetic but he'll also pop a boner HELP HES THE WORST

takes forever to cum like bro 🙄 I GOT RUG BURN ON MY PUSSY !!!! also has a very attractive pp probably 6-7 inches? like its textbook perfect. upwards curve. pink tip. shall i go on.

he wont do this to a one night stand but if he likes tav enough he'll want to mark or claim them in some way. like leaving bite marks and bruises EVERYWHERE or even cumming inside them.

also not as kinky as u would think like keep ur questionable kinks away from this man he will judge so hard. MAJOR kink shamer. in short no u cannot piss on him lmao leave peepaw alone

aftercare with him depends. at first its rlly cold and u get corny rehearsed lines and he cant wait to go sleep by himself 😭😭😭 BUT after he catches feelings hes very attentive and will help tav clean up. also will prefer to stay with them until morning.

#astarion #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion headcanons #headcanons #my headcanons #x reader #baldurs gate headcanon #love languages #love language headcanons

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goldenn-moments · 1 year

Text

things I need in young royals s3:

• "I love you" "I love you too"

• MORE👏🏼GOLDEN👏🏼MOMENTS👏🏼

• wille in the eriksson house, at home and at ease w at least simon and linda (maybe even Malin included??👀👀)

• simon in the palace, learning the crooks and crannies of the spots of the castle that wille found comfort in as a child (plus an awkward dinner w the in laws, hopefully followed by a royal bedroom scene, if yknow what I mean)

• rosh and ayub seeing wille again and simon being like "guys he's it for me" and the whole reconciliation that I'm sure will have to happen etc etc

• maddie becoming friends w simon and henry and walter being friendlier to simon, including him more - BASICALLY people at hillerska actually valuing simon for once, omfgs

• on the note of hillerska people, felice and simon teaming up to tease wille AT LEAST once. at least. they have so much material it would literally be criminal for them to not tease wille until he's giggling and red in the face

• more hand holding (so much. an obscene amount, actually)

• as edvin said, wille and simon smiling together

• sara redemption, but I kinda want that to be left open ended bc I doubt simon will forgive her all that easily (he will, inevitably. it's who he is. but he's put her first so many times, I want him to pit himself first for once)

• SIMON FINALLY ALLOWING SOMEONE (aka wille) TO FULLY COMFORT HIM AS HE BREAKS DOWN (I just want my boy to have a nice cry and then get all the hugs from wille)

• wille and simon being together in public and not giving a fuck (I mean, obvi they'll care abt being in the public eye. but they won't have to hide, and they'll revel in that, and that's what matters)

• STELLA AND FREDRIKA CONFESSION SCENE + DRAMATIC KISS

• on that note, also wilmon dramatic kiss (in the rain, after something intense happened, or when they're just horny as fuck I DONT CARE. just give me intense wilmon kisses I can use for edits please and thank)

• more exploration into simons family life (which I think we'll get w the sara arc, however they take it), like giving linda more screen time and bc they're probably gonna bring micke back, someone defending simon from micke if he needs it

• wille telling simon abt erik (and maybe even flashbacks??)

• august getting what's fucking coming to him

• wille AND simon breaking the fourth wall (preferably in the beginning of the first ep, bc I kinda want it to end w them walking away from us. but I'd be so down for the series ending w them both smiling at us)

• a look into how the public is reacting - ngl I wanna see the social media comments, the articles, their friends dissing those who are slandering them and at the same time showing them all the public support (I know) they're getting

• far fetched, but maybe a scene where wille and simon are having a Moment (maybe with simon in the palace👀👀) and krissy accidentally sees it and starts to finally fucking understand that taking simon away/denying him is taking away/denying her only remaining son's happiness (I imagine this taking place after an awkward dinner w the in laws)

• a celebration/party scene where wilmon are together and don't have to stare at each other from across a room or hide somewhere in order to be together

• wille defending simon (against their fellow hillerska students, the royal court, hell even micke, idc)

• simon defending wille (against someone from bjärstad who's making assumptions, krissy, the royal court, any of those idc)

-- basically the boys fighting for each other always

• THEM👏🏼AGAINST👏🏼THE👏🏼WORLD👏🏼

• more protective wille bc wille while he's being Crown Prince Wilhelm??? godDAMN

• simon and wille happy under the sun

• kinda related, maybe simon looking like he has a halo through some trick of the light??? paralleling to his glowstick halo in s1???

• wille panicking and simon being there (wille no longer having to be alone when the world gets too much) (do not enter is written on the doorway, why can't everyone just go away? except you - you can stay)

• wille and simon goofing around and being silly, maybe like trying to cook or trying to study or trying to actually play a video game and constantly getting distracted by each other

• simon getting his daily dose of wille's scent, lmao

• SIMON AND WILLE DANCING. dancing alone in one of their rooms, giggling and tripping on each other and swaying back and forth, wille humming a song he wants simon to sing and simon giggling and singing for him. the kind of dance that isn't for anyone but themselves, where they're wrapped around each other and blissfully in love, unable to stop smiling as they twirl each other around (I also wouldn't say no to a formal dance, like a waltz, where they're dancing together in a ballroom or some shit but the whole world melts away until it's just them. or a party scene where they're w all their classmates but they only have eyes for each other. those would be nice too)

• casual touch. so much casual touch. casually holding hands while walking, one of them resting their chin on the other's shoulder as they talk to friends, an arm around the others waist as they stand, sitting in each other's laps while working in a public space, one laying their head in the other's lap, leaning against each other as other things are happening around them. just - wille and simon being casually physically affectionate and always having each other to lean on, in all ways (and ofc, them always being wrapped up around each other. I'm sure wille's need to be close to simon will help me get this)

• henry continuing his curse of being a cockblock (and someone calling him out on it, lmaoo)

• boris. I want more of boris. give me a whole episode w just boris talking to wille and simon, idc, he's amazing and I adore him

• also more of the choir teacher!!! she believes in simon and I want to see her support him more

• simon singing more and flourishing even more in that area (and wille being a love struck fool every time simon sings even one note)

• MORE THAN SIX EPISODES PLEASE AND THANK YOU

• simon and wille getting invited to a girls night

• simon!!! in!!! makeup!!!! (yes, I'm aware this will likely kill wille. both wille and I are prepared to make that sacrifice if it means seeing simon in at least some eyeliner)

• simon and wille pissing of jan-olof and getting the last laugh

• actually, I wanna see jan-olof just croak. just let him die. it's what he deserves😌

• wille and simon having a good support system

• wille's album for simon growing and being able to see the album that I KNOW simon has of wille on his phone

• wille getting his sweater back and teasing simon abt it

• in general, many pretty, cinematic shots of simon and wille just generally being in love

• random, but what happens to my boy rousseau, who didn't deserve all this drama when he's just a horse who wants to eat hay and run free😔

• simon and wille being regular teenagers and being a little stupid around each other hut that's okay bc they're in love

• a parallel to their first meeting, with simon speaking up abt a social issue that these rich kids have no real idea abt, but this time wille chimes in and adds his thoughts and simon just beams at him, and wille can't help but grin bc he's finally saying what he wants to say, tradition be damned

• kinda random but simon interacting w a kid and wille, despite not liking kids all that much, just melting (I will accept simon being cute in general in substitute)

• oh, so out of left field but more of simon's extended family??? like I saw a post on here abt what linda was saying on the phone in the background of one scene, and like she was talking abt a get together??? idk man, I just want simon talking more spanish

• to go off of that, simon teasing wille and spanish and one of two things happening: 1) wille combusts and dies bc simon is killing him w that, or 2) wille surprising simon and speaking back in spanish bc he had to learn it bc he's a royal and simon combusting instead. I would like either variation please and thank

• linda being wille's mom. ik she's not perfect but I just read a fic where he called linda mama and she hugged him and he said "I love you mama" and I kinda want something like that in canon now, ngl

• OH, on the note of linda - her realizing the pressure simon takes upon himself and trying to lighten his burden bc he's her child and should be carrying it all

• wille picking up simon. we know he can do it. so let him, let him pick up his boy whenever he feels like it

• wille and simon playing with each other's hair PLEASE

• I saw a post say that simon should take up fencing to get that extra credit, and now I NEED simon w any kinda sword. please. omar, do a photoshoot or smth, I'm not above begging

• more power walks from simon and wille

• simon and wille being a power couple in general (I'm thinking twin judgemental stares as they stand w each other, glaring and backing each other up, a team in every way possible)

• just,,,, them. against the world. no matter what comes their way

thank you so so much to @mirabel-on-a-bicycle @darktwistedgenderplural @tagalongifyoudare and @retrieve-the-kraken for encouraging me to post this <3 yall are amazing

#sorry for the weird format i copied this straight from my notes app #and thank you!!!! so so much to everyone who encouraged me to post this #youre all amazing <33 #i love this fandom sm #young royals #simon eriksson #wilmon #prince wilhelm #wilhelm young royals #young royals s3 #BC I CAN TAG THAT NOW #YOUNG ROYALS BABY

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padfootswhiskers · 1 month

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With all respect, I think u guys give jkr's writing skill too much credit . Ik she said she planned everything abt hp books from the beginning( I don't believeit tbh), but she wrote some of the weirdest dumb stuff ever for the sake of the plot that don't make any sense ... Remus's life and even his name, for example.The fact that Remus hasn't visited Harry for almost 12yrs is ridiculous . "He thought Harry was safe - he felt worthless. He was a coward. " wtf?! No he didn't do it bc Harry shouldn't know abt his parents and wizarding world the End. srslyWheree were lily's friends? Oh they all passed away...Harry's grandparents THEY ALL PASSED AWAY ...problem solved (jkr is so good at this) and plus imo that also happened simply bc if Remus checked on Harry, he would be a father figure to him 100% (the role given to Sirius), and jkr didn't want Harry to have the same close connection with Remus as he did with Sirius. It would make harry -Sirius's relationship unimportant... Take Sirius's other relationships, for example. When he escaped Azkaban, he had no family, no lover, no one. Initially, I was like, "Yeah, okay," and that seemed fine. But later, it occurred to me that maybe he was written that way because he had to be solely for Harry. Like, he shouldn't care about anyone but Harry. Sirius isn't allowed to prioritize anyone over his godson.

to be fair, anon, i think two things can be true at the same time. a lot of stuff does happen in the hp universe for plot reasons---this doesn't necessarily mean it's always bad writing.

the plot required harry to be unaware of the wizarding world, alright. i don't see how this means remus would've taken, like, custody of harry or something if it hadn't! remus IS a coward. he IS extremely self flagellating. it IS completely plausible that he knew petunia wasn't a great person and left harry there anyway!

(take DH for example. he says tonks will be safe with her parents right after he tells them that her parents have been tortured for information. he isn't a stupid man, he's being deliberately cowardly.)

i understand that you probably really like remus, or at least the good bits of him, but character traits you dislike do not equal bad writing. remus consistently shows himself to be extremely passive-aggressive, conflict avoidant and unable to actually follow through on his conscience. i don't know about you, anon, but i can definitely see a man who convinced himself that withholding information about a wanted murderer was OK, convincing himself that harry is safe and better off without him.

jkr didn't have to use plot reasons to thwart remus and harry's budding relationship so that sirius could step in because...there isn't a scenario that exists wherein canon remus would step in to be an orphaned harry's father figure. i'm genuinely curious as to why you think he might. THAT, if anything, is what seems ooc to me.

as for lily, that seems to be pattern with jkr's 'popular girls'. i can't name five of ginny's friends if my life depended on it. it was also obviously done so that the snape reveal would have a greater effect. but lily isn't an established character the same way remus is.

as for sirius? i don't think it's unrealistic that he didn't have a lover/anyone waiting for him. i think people tend to forget he was only barely 22 when he got locked up; plenty of people haven't begun sorting out their lives at that age. lest we forget, he was also fighting a war pretty much the second he left hogwarts. not great for the dating scene, that. i don't think it's unrealistic at all that he hadn't thought about girls (or boys) or settling down at that time in his life.

but even if he had, i can't fathom a world in which he wouldn't transfer the love and devotion he had for james to james' son.

#answered #anonymous #remus lupin #sirius black #sirius and remus are FUNDAMENTALLY different so i genuinely cannot imagine a plot #that would have remus being the father figure to harry #whilst sirius was discarded on the side #like that's just...not them!

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roaron · 1 year

Text

BAKUGO X READER

(Bakugo comes home to see you waiting for him in sexy lingerie - All characters are over the age of 21)

(NSFW ver.) (this)

(detailed NSFW ver coming maybe?)

Authors note : Hello all, before I begin I’d like to say that this is my first post and bakugo is just babygirl so I had to make it abt his fine ass, therefore I’ll just see what comes to mind and write whatever bs that is. Enjoy and feel free to recommend more stuff for me to write since this is now my full time job LMAO. ENJOY. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ew

———————————————————————————

bakugo katsuki your beloved boyfriend had been quite a scene lately and his pro-hero work had been driving him over the edge as some would say. not to mention both of you hadn’t had sex in what felt like forever, only adding to his shitty moods. so as embarrassing as it was, he had to resort to stroking himself behind street corners while on the job. which was not very becoming of a hero, as he knew.

as bakugo walked down the street he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and fortunately for him, it’s you and not some annoying ass telling him that there’s more villains for him to take care of. even with deku as the number 1 hero, bakugo always manages to work longer hours than him which pisses him off to no end.

Princess Y/N

Katsuki, baby ? When will you be home ? x

Prince Katsu

Give me 10 minutes, im stopping off at the corner shop for something to eat because I know you didn’t fucking cook.

Princess Y/N

Don’t be rude. and hurry plz :)

Prince Katsu

Yeah yeah.

———————————————————————————

after one final check in the bathroom mirror, your look is complete. black and red lingerie sits perfectly on your body, the straps making your curves stand out while making sure to just barely cover your breasts. you knew how much bakugo loved your tits, so you made sure to get the flimsiest material to almost cover them.

just as a little tease for your loud and overbearing boyfriend who you love so very much. “alright ! now we wait !” you say to yourself as you skip out of the bathroom and patiently await the arrival of the main man himself.

a few minutes later you hear the front door open and watch your tired boyfriend stumble through the door covered in all kinds of grime and dirt. alarmed by his sudden arrival you dash towards the bedroom unseen and fetch your favourite white robe to use as cover for your decorated body.

“Y/N ? I’m back, come here baby.”

“coming !!” you yell back as you swiftly make your way to your boyfriend, clutching your robe to your chest as to not reveal your surprise.

“hey pretty thing, c’mere” bakugo says as he pulls you into his chest. he begins to litter your cheeks with kisses and goes as far as to bite one at some point.

“you stink, how was your day Katsu ?”

“I know I stink, and fucking terrible baby”

“pfft” you giggle as you place his hands on the ties of your robe gently. bakugo quirks an eyebrow and looks down at you with a puzzled face, wondering what on earth you’d planned this time.

and before he could even think any further his hands subconsciously removed the tie on your robe and slid it down your body, making sure to pass his palms over your curves. the robe fell to the floor with a light thud and you were left almost bare in front of your frozen boyfriend. bakugos mind began to race and he felt his cock strain against his pants at the sight of his angel dressed up so perfect for him.

“do you like it ka- !!” but before you could even make a seductive comment you’d been flung over his shoulder and were making your way to the bedroom.

“damn there really is a god, I needed this today baby” bakugo says with a grin on his face and a newfound will.

———————————————————————————

truth be told your boyfriend had been missing you much more than you knew. all the nights he came back home to you being asleep he’d curse and yell at himself for not arriving sooner and being able to indulge in you.

then left awake and alone, he’d grab a pair of your panties and hold them to his face as he slowly stroked his aching cock. attempting to silently muffle your name into the fabric as to not wake you up beside him.

he hates how needy you make him and yet he loves it at the exact same time, knowing that you’re the only one who can deal with him. and he loves you for it.

———————————————————————————

before you knew it, bakugo had gently placed you on your shared bed and was now looking at you from above. his dark vermillion analysing your body and the way the lingerie clung to it, imagining all the different angles he’d fuck you in just to see the lingerie twist and contort. you peer down at his crotch and notice how his cock twitches and pushes against his trousers. you’d never get old of seeing him horny for you, just like when you both were at UA high. memories of him fucking you in empty classrooms flood your mind and your face begins to turn red which your boyfriend quickly notices even in the dimly lit room. he smirks at you and begins to zone his eyes on the panties you’re wearing.

“katsu.. stop staring, it’s embarrassing.” you say as you cover the heat between your legs with your hands after noticing how wet his gaze was making you.

“hey. don’t ruin my view.” bakugo responds as he grabs your wrists and pins them on either side of your head. dipping his head down to the valley of your breasts and licking any skin his eyes came in contact with.

“you’re gonna do good for me right ? i’ve had a long day yeah, now hurry up and spread your legs before I tear them open for you.”

#bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #mha x reader #mha smut #bakugo smut #bakugou smut #bakugo scenarios #bakugou scenarios #bakugo headcanons #bakugou headcanons #bakugo hcs #bakugou hcs #my hero academia #my hero academia headcanons #mha headcanons #mha bakugou #katsuki x reader #Spotify

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gnnosis · 9 months

Text

i have a theory about the bear & carmy’s artistic talent and no one else (that ive seen!) seems to be talking abt this. gotta get it out there so if it happens i can say i predicted it

carmy is going to leave the restaurant industry. we see time and time again that carmy is not happy in the industry, and maybe never has been. he’s traumatized by the fancy restaurant he worked at. he wanted to work at the beef, but only to be with mikey. he took over the beef because he (felt he) owed it to michael — and because he had the skills — not out of some great love of cooking. he only got to his level of skill out of a self-professed “fuck you” to mikey! carmy’s not happy. “this shit’s not fun for me,” he says to richie. make no mistake — he’s really, really good at it. but he’s not happy. the industry brings out the worst version of him, every single time. the stress of the kitchen turns him into the bear from the 1x01 opening, into his mother.

contrast this with syd and richie, tina, even marcus. even under stress, even with everyone yelling at each other, the kitchen brings out the best in them. they’ve improved their skill levels because they feel they owe it to themselves. richie thrives under the pressure of being a concierge, he’s a new man, he wears suits now. tina is a transformed person because she’s begun to believe in herself (and knows others believe in her). marcus (although thwarted by his own hyper-focus sometimes) delights in the craft of being a pâtissier, creates spectacular, thoughtful dishes — he flourishes.

and sydney. sydney, under stress, opening night, is throwing up in the bushes, like we know carmy did in a job that was Bad for him. but it’s not the stress of the job per se that’s getting to syd, but the pressure she’s put on herself to do well enough that her dad will see the bear as she sees it — her very own place in the industry she loves above all else, a place to practice her beloved craft, to take care of people, to pour everything she has into this one thing. it’s not the job making her physically sick, like it did carmy, it’s the pressure of showing how much she loves the job, of her dad thinking she’s doing well enough to deserve to love and devote herself to it as much as she is. and in the kitchen, under pressure, with carmy locked in the fridge, syd doesn’t panic, doesn’t yell and scream — not really. she collaborates with richie, delegates as necessary, steps up — and leads. she shines.

carmy as a chef is doing what he’s good at, performing the skills he’s cultivated. it might be the only thing he feels he’s good at. it’s all he’s ever really known. but it’s not healthy. it’s killing him. it’s ruining his relationships with everyone important to him. he needs to get out.

i predict that sydney and richie will take over the bear. probably with nat’s help behind the scenes. they love it. it gives them purpose. it makes them thrive.

and carmy… will go to visual arts school. (or simply become an artist. do people still do art school these days? if so… like… he could do worse than SAIC)

i don’t think the show has been dropping all these references to carmy’s artistic talent for no reason. the pants he designed (thom browne’s!), the drawings of claire they mention and then flash during his panic attack, the speculative drawing of the bear he gifts michael in 2x06, and the menu drawings that sydney gushes over. the painting he hates that’s hung in the restaurant? could you do a better one, carm?? in the future, will that get replaced with one of yours, carm??? his artistic talent is lingered on too much to not be indicating something about what carmy really loves. a talent he innately has but doesn’t seem to realize the depth of. what he’d spend his time doing absently before he got caught up in the rat race of the restaurant industry. he talks about art like it’s something he’s compelled to do, like it’s something he loses himself in. a flow state.

carmy can flourish too. it’s just that he’s going to need to go somewhere else to do it.

#if it happens i predicted it. if it doesn’t happen……it was still a good idea #the bear #the bear meta #the bear theories #the bear theory #the bear season 3 #the bear season two #the bear season 2 #the bear analysis #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #richie jerimovich #carmen berzatto #the bear fishes #sydcarmy #syd x carmy #long post

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