Hoodwinked
Rating: E | Words: 6.7K
Summary: James and Lily release stress after a night of undercover work for the Order
For @all-things-jily: Happy Birthday, my love 💗 Hope you enjoy this bit of smut (with a little plot)! Thank you for being the person I write my essays to
Read on: AO3 || FFN
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Other YA characters taking down their enemies: massive scale magical fight scenes, complex good vs evil moral conversations, love triangles, tragedy
vs crooked kingdom
kaz brekker: so, what do you fuckers know about the stock market?
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The Crows are to the Grishaverse as the Guardians of the Galaxy are to Marvel. Like all the avengers and shadow and bone characters are like “ahh the weight of world is on our shoulders” but all the crows and the guardians just want their goddamn money
I have too much time on my hands and I wanted to prove my point, so enjoy these guardians quotes replaced by the crows characters
Van Eck: [insert long villain monologue here]
Kaz: yeah, blah blah blah but WE’D LIKE TO GET PAID
Inej: The contact is making me wait.
Kaz: That’s just a negotiation tactic - trust me, this is my speciality. Whereas yours is more… stab, stab, stab
Nina: I have no need of the money
Kaz: Well great, more money for the rest of us!
Jesper: What’s that?
Wylan: Don’t touch that, it’s a bomb
Jesper: AND YOU JUST LEAVE IT LYING AROUND!???
Wylan: … well I was gonna put it in a box
Matthias: I’m a warrior, an assassin. I don’t dance.
Nina: Really? Well, in my country we have a legend about people like you. It’s called Footloose. And a great hero, named Kevin Bacon, teaches an entire city of people with sticks up their butts that, dancing, well it’s the greatest thing there is.
Matthias: Who put the sticks up their butts? That is cruel.
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Iconic things Inej Ghafa did that we seem to forget about/don’t talk enough about:
1) Threatened to bite a guy’s finger off
2) Swapped out Alby’s toy lion for a toy crow
3) Successfully stole Heleen’s diamond choker by making her think she was being choked to death
4) Nearly choked Heleen to death
5) Suggested she and Nina use their money from the Ice Court Heist to buy the Menagerie and burn it down
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