I see this sentiment, often, here. Someone even tried to use it against me. Okay, it was a few people which is probably prompting this but we kind of need this perspective shift, at least once in a lifetime. This notion of 'wasted time' is harmful to ourselves.
Wasted time, my dear souls, does not exist.
It was a lesson, an experience, treasured moment, a time out, inspiration, grounding, elation, a bridge, a hope, a harsh truth... A chance; a choice. A decision.
There is no such thing as wasted time or wasted effort or even failure. What did you lose? What did you gain? Each, and all they entail, are necessary.
Success *requires failure. You *require your own understanding and forgiveness. Epiphanies *require altering perspectives. All of which can not, will not, come from a place of comfort.
Catalysts are not always cataclysmic.
Our time is our own, and it is precious, as are we ☆ Yes each and every one of us, even the ones that make us wonder. A lot ☆ No one and no time is ever wasted. Be kind to yourselves. 💖
The main way a woman can fuck her life up is giving a man control over her life. How she speaks, dresses, what she does with her body, her hobbies, interests, who she chooses to love & how she engages with the world should be entirely left up to her and her own discretion, especially if she not hurting anyone. Leaving it in the hands of a man only gives him the power to crush them at a moments notice, slowly choking the very essence of her until she’s left a complacent shell of a woman she never wanted to become.
Look, if someone who isn't a psychologist tries to position themselves as an authority on your trauma & then backpedals when you stand in your truth on the innocent premise that they're "just trying to learn"...
They are not trying to just learn. Otherwise, they wouldn't have come at you like they're someone with a PHD and more experience than you are with your trauma. They aren't trying to learn, they're trying to manipulate you. End of story.
Own your own reality. Let them be curious somewhere else. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
"You have enemies? Why, it is the story of every man who has done a great deed or created a new idea. It is the cloud which thunders around everything that shines. Fame must have enemies, as light must have gnats. Do not bother yourself about it; disdain. Keep your mind serene as you keep your life clear."
If I could tell you anything, if I could convince you to believe it, it's that you were made for more. You were made to have the dreams you're afraid of having. You were made to do the things you don't think you're qualified for. You were made to be a leader. You were made to contribute. You were made to make changes for good, both in your local community and the world at large. You were made to be more than you are today and - this is the important part - your version "of more" might not look like "my more" or "hers".
Whenever you find yourself telling the story that you’ve been burned, betrayed or broken by someone or some experience, always assume the power position:
Be grateful that person or experience revealed the truth of who they are/the situation.
It’s like finding out that the new home you are about to buy has a weak and unstable foundation, and the home will collapse. You’ve been given (gifted) the information to make a more aligned choice that will save you from making a poor investment of time, energy, heartbreak and so much more.
And sometimes, there is not even the appearance of choice. You simply have to trust you are being redirected towards something with more integrity while feeling through any disappointment or hurt.