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jayflrt · 2 years

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akka LMFAO 🤣 a lot has happened when i slept, you posted three chapters of reparations and i dead ass was shocked thinking i was in the wrong account 😭 please jungwon: a kpop smut fanfic writer?? but those timestamps looked like pyscho.

jungwon literally said "i'm an anti-romantic" 😭😭😭 1) the 12:00 pm timstamp — "when you play the wrong chord, he places his hands over yours and breaks your fingers." 😭😭😭🤧🥲

2) the 4:00 pm timestamp — "he asks you if you can put the star up at the top. when you tell him you're not able to reach it, taehyun grabs another ornament and rocks your shit." naur 🤧🤧🤧

this is just pure ✨shit✨

and jay turning into a fucking human at last, made me feel grateful that he doesn't have to chase over those squirrels(is this spelling right, because i can't spell 🐿️'s right just like you — you 🤝🏻 me)

LMFAO i still can't believe the fact that sunoo committed a robbery along with riki 😭😭😭 akka, you made my day 🤧🤧 sunoo said "i'm riki's partner in crime!" and riki literally said "if i do it, you have to do it too </3"

my english exam went well but i am dissapointed because i wish i could've studied more :( but next time i'm not gonna do like that for my 12th boards 😼😾 and yes i hope to score at least 90% and i'll be grateful with that but my mom expects high and i can't do anything 😔

yes, i took photos with my friends but those friends were not rlly close and they were just you know like with me at the end of the semester 🤧 so i think i have no friends to be honest but i really enjoyed my farewell. coming to the band, they were like those anime boy bands, dreamy and pretty. they sand a rock song actually… btw what are your fav music genres akka??

lmfao, you mentioned a lot of times that you stopped playing piano because your fingers were short 🤣 i think even i'd prefer the acoustic guitar becuase it suits well with the summer and it's pretty calm but the strings might be pretty hard. am i right akka??

idk whether i'll have a break after 11th but most of the colleges start right after the exams are done, so it's basically in mid-june ig?? akka, phy and chem are dead easy when you understand the concept 😼

yes yes we should get our lives together this month and it must be very hard for you to multitask, but i hope you take good rest akka 🥰🥰 also svt is having their comeback and how do you feel??

i hope you get good internship offers, and praying to god for you to get a good salary too 😭🥰 i see psychology is really broad, i thought it only meant for yk human personalities and therapist side, LMFAO i didn't knew it could be this big 😲

i have limited my friendship with the prople and i'm hoping it will change my mindset because i felt like i lost myself making friends online and irl and it's basically sad and happy making these desicions :)

i never had my covid test and i was pretty scared to get my first vaccine and it hurt the whole time 😓

the title track came and it's the fucking "good boys gone bad" that title looks so good and each one them took part in the album and i hope they will find huge success on their way 🤧🤧🤧

also you answering my ask right after your midterm, i'm honoured 🤧 and thank you for saving the tiktok akka </3 yes math will be hard but it's easy since i'm solving more questions and i believe i can do it and you can be more proud of me 😭 literally thank you akka <3

i think that was for the best, moving on from him and i think i feel happy than the rest of the days when i always thought of him and i feel like not suffering anymore and i don't feel lovesick and i'm proud of myself for getting over 😾

someone chasing after me 🔪 we'll see akka, who's gonna enter my little world and i'm definitely gonna tell you about them 😊😳

thank youf or your good works akka, i hope even you get the good things in your life you wish for and i hope i can get into writing once i'm done and get my grammar and vocab done too…😔

i love how you take all your time to answer our asks and i appreciate you so much for doing the work you have done for us and for other people in your life 🥰 you have done great work 😽

— 🦔 (now i'm all good, hehe and one more thing, i find you cute akka 🥺)

HAHAH omg a lot did happen yesterday !! 🤧 i was determined to just finish it all so i posted the last three chapters sorta spaced out ?? :’)) BUT NOOO HE WASNT A SMUT WRITER IT WAS JUST SUNGHOON CLOWNING BC OF THE USERNAME see i had to clarify in the next chapter in the tags 😵‍💫

LMFAOO the second one (4 pm) was actually one i wrote for renjun before 😭 too good i had to allude to it here HAHAH

tbh at one point i forgot ab turning jay back into a human and i forgot jay was even supposed to turn back into one BUT it’s okay bc he’s back now 🫶 LOL u mean sqwirls 😁 (jkjk u got it right 😎) HAHAH POOR SUNOO DIDNT THINK HE’D GET INTO THIS MUCH TROUBLE BECAUSE OF IT THO imagine stealing one (1) book and you end up being cursed to live out your days as a chicken 🤧 tbh maybe this is a Good Message for the fellow kleptos

i’m sure your mom’s proud of you !!! 💖 but good luck and i’m proud whatever the result is :’)) and i’m sure you did great on english! 🥰 and for math as well i’m sure you’ll do great !

oooo i see so they’re more so like acquaintances or just classmates :o i’m glad you enjoyed your farewell tho and that’s so cool that you got to see a band perform 💕 i rlly like chill music like lofi and r&b and pop !! tbh there’s a lot of songs i like so it’s hard to choose but hbu?? 💗💗

HAHAH that’s my go-to sob story with the piano 🤧 also yesyes i found that the strings were harder for the acoustic than the electric !! however i played the violin for four years before that so i was already used to the calloused hands 🤩

omg you start mid june ?? :o that’s when i end school HAHAH but i look forward to hearing about how your new school is !! 🫶 and omfg i always slacked at chem and physics and hardly understood much 😭😭 the easiest for me in chem was balancing equations <//3

and yesyes!!! we WILL get our shit together 🥰 AHHHH IM SO EXCITED FOR SVT i saw jeonghans teaser today and words cannot describe how hyped i am ☹️💖

thank you!!! im praying i get a position somewhere 😭 and omg yeah a lot of ppl have the misconception that psychology is strictly therapy/counseling work but it’s very broad :’))

honestly i think sometimes it takes people different amounts of time to find their real friends so you’ll stumble upon them unexpectedly !! i happened to meet my life long irl and online friends around the same time and i wasn’t expecting either, and it’s great because we all are still close after all these years 🤧

omg you got the vaccine!!! HAHAH tbh i’m pretty good with needles but the vaccine did make my arm pretty sore the second time around i believe :’) did you get a fever or anything? :o

also right !!! i’m so excited for it 🤧💗 i just listened to tamed-dashed japanese ver and it was so good 🥰🫶 i bought the albums too HAHAH when i saw the photocards i knew i had to </3 plus the pobs were too good omg

i’m glad you’re over him if you believe that was the best for you!! it’s nice that you feel happier and lighter now so i’m glad you’re moving on 🥰🥰 and yesyes i’m excited to hear if you find anyone in the future HAHAH

THANK YOU 🥺💗 i hope i get the few things i ask for too HAHAH (just one internship this summer pls god) and omg i hope you can write after your exams are over 🤧💖 do you have any plots in mind?

AND OH MY GOSHH THANK YOU SO MUCH THATS SO SWEET 😭😭💖 I APPRECIATE YALL AND LOVE SEEING WHAT YALL HAVE TO SAY SO ITS RLLY AN HONOR TO RECEIVE THESE ASKS SO THANK YOUU and omg thank you for finding me cute 🥰🥰💕 hope ur day/night is going well love !!

#💌 : love notes #🦔 anon

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imagine-docx · 4 years

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interested.

Summary: Being best friends with Bucky, he always thinks you’re trying to get with Steve, when in reality, that is far from the truth. [college!chubby!]

Warnings: Swearing.

A/N: helloooo, i know i have been practically dead. but post secondary really ain’t it chief. here’s a small chub buck fic before i go back into the void that is my 3 hour online zoom lectures. - amanda 💛

»»————-　★　————-««

First year religion, with Professor Hill was quite possibly the most boring class to exist, but hey, that’s how you met Bucky Barnes. First year religion was a mandatory course that you had to take for psychology, and Bucky had to take for history. During the first lecture Prof Hill made you turn to the person next to you and discuss ideas, which happened to be Bucky.

The two of you felt so comfortable with each other, that you were always sitting next to each other during lectures, and eventually becoming the bestest of friends. To the point where you two spent breaks together, Friday nights together, hell he even came to a few of your classes, even though he shouldn’t be there as he wasn’t enrolled in them.

Even Bucky was surprised at this close friendship. He always had the small thought in the back of his mind saying, “She’s just using you for an easy ninety. Once the semester is over, she’s gone.” But to his surprise, here you were in your fourth year, still as strong as ever.

He could pinpoint the moment he realized he was in love with his best friend.

Second year, it was a random party that Thor was holding around early November. You were wearing a basic grey long sleeved shirt, some dark blue ripped jeans, and a pair of heels. You were dancing with Nat and Wanda, and he felt the switch in him flip, and he saw you in an affectionate way.

Needless to say, he left the party and went through a crisis at two am in the back of an Uber, at his new realization.

Since that day, he kept his feelings to himself. Not even telling his best friend Steve about the feelings he harboured towards you.

He always felt insecure whenever he was around you. You were always glowing, even when you had no makeup on and were in sweats on the days you had 9 am lectures. You were always this ball of sunshine that anyone would be glad to hang out with. But here he was, stomach protruding over the top of his jeans, sweaters used to hide how thick his arms actually were, and all around embarrassed about the way he looks. You could never possibly like someone like him back.

»»————-　★　————-««

It was the rare Friday night, where the two of you couldn’t meet because you had a gender studies essay to write, and he had an essay due for ancient civilizations. But, of course, the two of you were on FaceTime.

“You going to Thor’s party tomorrow?” He asked, typing in his name and student number.

“Depends, I still have three readings and a discussion post over my head for Drax.” You responded, finishing up the last sentence.

“You should come, you’ve been pulling essays out of your ass since the semester started. You need to have some fun,” Bucky said, studying your face as you yawned.

“Perks of being a social science major,” you responded, making slight adjustments to your essay.

“Please?” He begged, “I need my best friend there.”

“We will see.”

»»————-　★　————-««

God, three years later, and he still didn’t understand how you pulled off every look possible. Last night you were in one of his hoodies, hair greased, and no makeup on. Today you were pulling off a slightly oversized band tee, some ripped jeans, hairstyled and effortless makeup.

“Didn’t expect you to be around here, thought Drax owned you tonight” Bucky jokes.

“Thought about it. But a certain Brooklyn boy talked me into coming. There’s always pulling an all nighter tomorrow night,” you said, taking a drink from your cup.

“Glad to know I am useful.”

The two of you spent a good chunk of time talking by the bar. The two of you didn’t stop until Sam pulled him away for some beer pong.

You debated going over to your friend group, but from where you were, it looked like they were wasted out of their minds. And talking to them will probably result in them drunkenly saying that you should fess up and admit your crush to Bucky. And knowing your exact luck, he would be around, and that would be a hard hole to dig yourself out of.

You decided that you were gonna get some peace in the kitchen. You were sitting on one of the counters, hearing drunken screams, while scrolling through Instagram.

“You know, it would be easy to tell him how you feel,” you look up to match the voice to the person, only to see Steve.

“And I am assuming Nat did some drunk mumbling to you,” you mumbled, looking down into your cup.

“Or anyone with eyes could see the way the two of you look at each other,” Steve said, leaning against the fridge next to the counter you sat on.

You let out a sigh, “He doesn’t see me in that way. I’m just his best friend.”

“He looks at you like you hung every single star in this galaxy. I should know, I was told I look like that when I look at Nat.”

You laughed and punched him in the bicep, “At least the loverboy admits it.”

Bucky was looking for you, passing by the kitchen he saw that you and Steve were smiling, laughing and talking. He never realized how much of a couple the two of you looked like. Absolutely perfect for each other.

He felt nauseous and decided to head home. Of course you wouldn’t like him, you liked guys who were fit, like Steve. An absolute sweetheart, like Steve. Someone who could care for you, like Steve. Steve.

»»————-　★　————-««

The next morning, he saw that you were calling and kept the talking to a minimum, saying he didn’t feel good and hung up.

He needed to get his feelings in check before he exploded.

From then on, he always scheduled stuff with Steve too. You deserved it.

You deserved happiness, even if it was with Steve and not him.

He would make coffee dates on campus, and never show up. Or invite you for movie night at the apartment, and at the absolute last second ‘have his shift extended’ at work.

»»————-　★　————-««

At some point, he just started blatantly ignoring you. From phone calls, to texts, to even practically running away from you.

The last straw for you was the day your sociology professor let you go early for the day. And you were already feeling under the weather, so you just decided to head back to your dorm, and spend the rest of your day taking it easy.

While you were walking down the tunnel from your class, you saw an all familiar head of hair walking in the opposite direction. You shouted his name several times, and practically ran after him. And you knew he saw and heard you, but continued to walk away from you.

You finally stopped, realization hitting you. He doesn’t like you anymore, and you don’t know what you did. You took a deep breath, turned around and walked back to your dorm.

You sat on your bed, confused as to what the fuck you did to him for him to do this. At that point, you gave him the space he wanted. You stopped texting him, calling him, even going over to his apartment.

»»————-　★　————-««

What caused Bucky to do all of this? Two days prior, he finished his contemporary civilizations class and was on his way to the student centre to get something to eat before his colonial encounters class.

When he walked into the centre, he was greeted with you and Steve sitting at a table, laughing about something, while drinking bubble tea.

He felt something stab him in the chest. It’s supposed to be him. He’s supposed to be the one taking you out for bubble tea. He’s supposed to be the one making you laugh like that.

It was then he realized, he didn’t set up this meeting. He drew the conclusion, that he pushed the two of you closer together, and that neither of them wanted him to know.

He knew he was acting childish. But he didn’t care.

»»————-　★　————-««

Since the encounter after your sociology class, you haven’t messaged him, called him, or even made the effort to see him. It was starting to bother him. He felt empty.

He missed the random texts he would get from you about something stupid in your readings. Or the ‘I accidentally watched too much Netflix, and my discussion post is due in an hour and I have NOTHING’ texts. Or you randomly calling in the middle of the night asking him if he wanted to meet up for milkshakes.

All he would see was Instagram stories or posts of you. Whether it was you at a party getting wasted with your friends, or if it was you being cozy and studying, or you and your friends doing late night stupidity. He missed having you around.

Every single thought he has, would be of you. What were you doing? Who were you hanging out with? Did you get enough sleep? Did you eat anything for the day?

He eventually decided to start essays early just so his thoughts weren’t fogged by you.

»»————-　★　————-««

Bucky was wrapping up his notes on his latest reading. As he closed his textbook, he felt something collide with the back of his head. He turned around to see Steve sitting on his bed. “What?”

“Why are you ignoring her?” Steve asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bucky turned back around.

“You damn well know what I am talking about. So, answer the question, why are you ignoring her?” Steve asked.

“Why do you care? That’s your girlfriend.” Bucky seethed.

A laugh erupted from Steve, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Then why do the two of you act like it.” He muttered.

“Because she’s giving me pointers on asking out Nat,” he responded, “I bet you feel so stupid.”

Bucky turned back around in shock, “Wait, you’re not dating her?”

“Never was. It’s cute seeing how jealous you are,” Steve said, getting up, “Go get your girl.”

»»————-　★　————-««

Bucky has never sprinted out of his apartment so fast. He was about to walk up the stairs leading to your dorm, when he was about to open the door, the door opened revealing Carol. “Oh hey Buck. What are you doing here? You know she moved out like last month right?” she asked.

He never realized that you left the dorms, hell he didn’t even know where you were now. “Oh yeah, force of habit.” He nervously laughed.

“Anyways, I’m late for my date. Tell her I said hi!” She said walking off.

»»————-　★　————-««

Bucky returned to the apartment and was pacing around. He didn’t know where you could have gone. Nat and Wanda had no space, so you wouldn’t be there. Your parents were way too far out, and you wouldn’t want to commute all the way back. His mind was running through possibilities.

Steve and Sam were just looking on at the spiral that was occurring in front of them. “Does he…?” Sam asked.

“Nope.” Steve responded.

“Ah.” Sam responded.

“Where could she have gone though? I don’t get it.” Bucky said to himself.

“Can I tell him?” Steve asked.

“Nah.” Sam said.

“Wait, you guys know where she is? Why don’t you tell me?” Bucky said with despair laced in his voice.

Sam sighed, “Nat and Wanda.”

And with that Bucky practically sprinted out the door.

»»————-　★　————-««

Wanda and Nat were out for the night, leaving you in the living room finishing up your essay for sociology. Wrapping it up, you slapped the submit button, and headed for the shower.

Upon getting out and changing into some sweatpants and hoodie, you were contemplating what you wanted to eat. Until you heard a knock on the door, confused, you opened it to Bucky, you were about to close it but he managed to let out a, “Can I talk to you?”

You were about to say, “No.”

But once you heard his voice cracked, when he said, “Please,” your heart broke, and accepted talking to him.

»»————-　★　————-««

The two of you sat on top of the building overlooking the city. Bucky was looking at the view of the city, whereas, you were sitting on the bench.

He took note that you were shivering, and he shrugged off his jacket, wrapping you up in it. You were trying to shrug it off, when he said, “You’re gonna get sick.” You accepted that he was probably gonna tie you up in it so you don’t take it off, so you kept it on.

“So why did you ignore me?” You said, looking down at your feet.

“I thought you were dating Steve, and I got jealous. I know I pushed the two of you together, but I still couldn’t bear the thought of him being the one dating you.” He muttered, taking a seat next to you.

“Wait, you were jealous? Why?” You asked, confusion laced your voice.

“I really like you, god I’ve liked you for so long and you deserve someone better than me. Someone who’s fitter, someone who’s better looking, someone you would want to be seen with.” He said, looking down at his feet, hair falling into his face.

You pushed the hair out of his face, “No. I deserve someone who is willing to pick me up for burgers and milkshakes at 3 am. I deserve someone who is willing to drop anything they're doing to come and spend time with me. I deserve someone who would respond to my psych readings, even though they aren’t in my program. I deserve you.”

“You like me?” Bucky stammered.

“Wasn’t it obvious?” You asked. “I thought me calling you at three am because I missed you was obvious.

He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer, kissed your hair before muttering an, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m only accepting your apology under one condition,” you said.

He looked at you with the biggest eyes ever. Ready to do anything you even asked for. “Get bubble tea with me?” You asked.

“How about tomorrow we take a trip out of the city, to a zoo or aquarium, and bubble tea?” He said with pleading eyes.

“Only if it’s a date,” you said smiling at him.

“Anything for you.” he said, finally leaning into kiss you.

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years

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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

#ask #anon #taylor #mine

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innittowinit · 3 years

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Abandoned amusement parks are the best place for young children (Chapter 19)

Fic summary:

Techno, Tommy, Wilbur and Phil have been hanging out at the abandoned amusement park in the woods since they moved in. Techno likes knowing he's definitely alone with his brothers Tommy likes climbing on the old rides Wilbur likes having a place to play his music Phil likes spending time with his younger brothers

That is, until a group of brothers calling themselves the 'dream team' move in down the road. Will the sleepy boys give in and share the park or will they succeed in scaring the new kids off?

Chapter summary:

Eret's been acting...strange Techno senses somethings definitely off

Chapter word count: 1726

AO3

Friendships were a complex thing. Techno had known that as long as he could remember. People come and people go, it was nothing, especially not to him or Wilbur. Inherently, they knew all they had was each other, maybe their other brothers would also always be with them but what they had together was a special bond. Neither Phil nor Tommy would ever be able to understand them the way they understood each other and that was fine, they had lived every day side by side, they shared almost all their core memories and so their rationality was incredibly similar because of it, meaning they could very easily understand each other.

Never had they asked for a friend that would feel the same way as the friendship they had with each other, and yet they always seemed to be asking for too much. That’s the part that confused Techno.

Never had they needed to be understood. Never had they needed something complex. All they needed was someone to accept them so why did it feel like everyone always ended up leaving? Were they the problem? It always felt like they were trying so hard so why did it feel like they were pushing people away?

You see, recently Eret had been acting….off.

He had been stumbling over words, fidgeting, leaving quickly with the excuse of ‘being late for something’, and taking hours to reply to any kind of message. Each of these things would be fine on their own but with them all together, they felt a little strange.

It didn’t seem like Wilbur had noticed the recent shift in behaviour yet so Techno didn’t dare bring it up, it wasn’t uncommon that he was overly cautious and he didn’t want to risk upsetting his brother over something that might not even be a big deal, especially when he had just started to get over the incident with the ticket booth.

“So....He’s been busy a lot lately” Wilbur sighed, draping himself across the couch and clutching his phone in one hand. Niki had insisted they add some stickers onto it since letting them live off a ‘boring flip phone’ (as she had called it) was apparently not okay.

“Do you think he’s okay? Maybe something’s going on at home..”

Oh. Techno was positive everything was okay at home. Of course there was a possibility that he was just being protective of Wilbur because he didn’t want anyone hurting his brother but seriously! In his opinion, if you had enough money to eat fucking burger king as a school lunch you were doing fine financially, and really, that’s all that mattered right? Money had always been the reason why their parents were never around.

It was probably just his jealousy talking but he had always had a bit of an underlying anger for people with a big disposable income, how was it fair that their parents had to work so much at minimum wage jobs that they could hardly see them just to keep them warm and fed and yet other families could have their parents around by the time they were home from school /and/ have extra money for treats.

“Wil, don’t worry about him.” Techno sighed, trying to choose his words carefully. He knew Wilbur was always more sensitive to rejection than him.

“He’s more..social than we are, he probably just has other friends that he doesn’t want to ignore or something”

“Maybe.. I wish he’d tell us though, I don’t like being left on read”

With a sigh and a gentle prod for him to sit up a bit more, Techno wrapped an arm around Wilbur, feeling how he melted into the contact straight away. Of course it hurt Techno too to be ignored by the one person they thought actually could be a good friend but he needed to put on a brave face for Wilbur. Of course it felt like a stab in the gut to have trusted someone so much to be able to start talking to them and then they just disappear but Wilbur needed him right now, it was obvious to anyone that he was the one with the bigger connection issues.

“Wil, trusting people is a part of being friends. We can talk to him tomorrow alright? And we can explain that it would make you feel better if he said his plans before disappearing”

-----

It was Tuesday night and other than a few memes she had screenshotted off of instagram and sent them, they hadn’t really heard much at all from Eret. She hadn’t hung around them long enough at school for either of them to really bring it up with her and honestly, Techno was getting incredibly worried about what was going on. He’d never had a real friend like this before, of course Skeppy always made him laugh but he was family so he didn’t count, if he messed up with family he knew as long as they weren’t adults they’d still love him afterwards, friends worked differently though. He had his Hypixel friends too but they didn’t count either since they were online and he could type to them on days when he was struggling more. By now he’d known them so long they were basically family, they’d all taken hours out of their own time to research Techno’s problems to try and be as accommodating as possible- all in all he really couldn't compare them with Eret.

It was tricky and he knew communication was one of the more important parts, which was ironically what he struggled with the most. Maybe on one of his worse-off days, where he normally would have had Wilbur doing most of the talking for him, Eret had assumed he was angry with her or giving her the silent treatment, maybe she had taken offence to the fact that Wilbur and Techno were very obviously closer than she was with each one of them. The thought that somehow they might have made her feel left out made him feel a little sick, had they not explained well enough what had led to this point? Maybe it was selfish for them to relish in the fact that she rarely bugged them for explanations.

All in all, Techno was sure they had done something for the sudden shift in attitude and, not wanting to make Wilbur feel worse than he already did, he wasn’t sure who could help him.

Maybe he could wait up until his parents got home? People on TV were always getting advice from them but then again.. His family wasn’t really like those on tv, if he was being honest he was half sure he’d be yelled at for being awake before he could have a chance to ask for help.

He could also ask Phil, but then again Phil was already beyond stressed trying to make sure they were all okay, he really didn’t want to bother him. Niki was closer to Wilbur than she was with him and he was sure his hypixel friends were all still at school because of the time zone difference.

The only other person he could really think of talking to about this was Skeppy, and so, hopping out of bed, trying his hardest not to make too much noise and wake up Wilbur, he made his way to the PC.

11:36PM

From what he knew, Skeppy usually stayed up late and slept so late he often missed his bus anyway so he probably was still up.

Clicking onto discord, he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw the green dot next to his cousin's icon, immediately messaging him.

11:36 OrphanDestroyer: Hey nerd

11:36 OrphanDestroyer: U awake?

It took a few minutes for him to answer, Techno was just about ready to give up and accept he had just chosen the one night he may have gone to bed on time to try and message him.

11:42 japanesesymbolforbeginner: 1 sec ina call wiv bbh

Writing ‘bbh’ off as one of Skeppy’s friends he had forgotten to tell them about, Techno waited patiently for Skeppy to say he was free.

11:46 japanesesymbolforbeginner: ok im done, what you need

11:46 OrphanDestroyer: SO

11:46 OrphanDestroyer: Do you remember Eret?

11:48 OrphanDestroyer: Okay well basically for like the past few days he’s been ignoring me and Wilbs and I’m really really worried we offended him or something like maybe we hurt him or he’s mad or maybe he decided he's too good to be friends with us which tbh I don't blame him for because we kinda are losers and maybe people won't be friends with him because he's friends with us or something? Idk idk I just really wish he’d tell us something because like Wil is freaking out and idk what to tell him, he really struggles with this kinda stuff and I wanna help but idk how.

11:48 japanesesymbolforbeginner: Ok...fuck

11:48 japanesesymbolforbeginner: Has he replied to any messages or anything? Maybe he’s busy?

11:48 OrphanDestroyer: Not really

11:49 japanesesymbolforbeginner: Okay okay so here’s what I think you should do

11:49 japanesesymbolforbeginner: If he’s ignoring you you're gonna need to confront him next time you see him and don’t just agree when he makes an excuse to leave, like say you NEED to talk

11:50 japanesesymbolforbeginner: If u think he’s offended bc sometimes you don't speak a lot maybe just message him some resources or whatever on the type of mutism you deal with, even if he doesn’t reply he’ll probably still open it.

11:50 japanesesymbolforbeginner: like he might just be in the position where he’s nervous he’ll offend you if he asks something about it? Like maybe he doesn't understand fully and he just needs one of you to open the discussion

11:50 OrphanDestroyer: okay you're probably right

11:50 OrphanDestroyer: There’s a link I have to one I normally email teachers whenever we have a new one so i'll probably send him that

11:50 OrphanDestroyer: Tomorrow though, my dads gonna be home soon and he’ll kill me if im still awake

11:51 japanesesymbolforbeginner: aight, night Techno, good luck and btw you're all always welcome to come over if things get tense over there with ur parents

#sbi #sleepyboisinc #dream team #sleep bois inc #fanfiction #fanfic #mcyt #technoblade #wilbur #wilbur soot #dream smp #au

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violent-bulldog · 4 years

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Chloe Valentine: Book VS Musical

Oh boy, here we go

(Mentions of “Rape”)

In the book, Chloe is one of the “Hot Girls” and is therefore, popular and whatnot. However, she isn’t the ‘main’ hot girl, that would be Katrina. They’re basically the Heathers only none of them die. Well, after the party, we never hear from any of them again so I’m just assuming that they’re still alive.

During chapter fifteen, Rich asks Jeremy which one of the “Hot Girls” he’d want to get with and Jeremy replies with Chloe. He previously states that he stares at her the most, most likely due to her costume. Jeremy essentially wants to use Chloe to get to Christine, as per the Squip’s guide. Jeremy doesn’t care about using her to get what he wants.

Chloe takes a genuine interest in Jeremy during chapter twenty-two as Jeremy flirts with her in the mall. He presses his leg against hers and asks for her number. She becomes jealous when Anne cries into Jeremy’s shoulder, pushing her leg against his even more. They do this in the back of the car too, just before Chloe gives him her number.

After Jeremy fails to get Christine (one of many times) and his failure at hooking up with Brooke due to an infected nipple piercing (which, by the way... yuck) his Squip tells him that he needs to focus on getting with Chloe as Christine is still with Jake and Jeremy needs to make her jealous. Jeremy’s reply to the Squip is “Woo-Hoo! Deal” which shows that he is very much down with the idea of sleeping with Chloe just to get with Christine.

Jeremy calls Chloe and they make mostly small talk until Jeremy suggests doing something together and Chloe tells him about Jason Finderman’s party. She asks if he’s going to be “Rolling” (which means doing drugs, I gather?) and Jeremy actually goes against the Squip’s advice and says that he is. Chloe replies with “Really? You will? With me? Aww, Jeremy, you’re so sweet” which further proves that she has a genuine interest in him. She then asks if he’ll have a car and he says he will, leading him to steal his mother’s car for the party, just to impress her.

Chloe is already “Rolling” by the time Jeremy (and Michael) arrive at the party. She instructs Jason’s brother, who’s guarding the door, to let them in. She enthusiastically runs up to Jeremy (probably due to the drugs, but it could also be because she’s happy that he actually showed up) and gives him his pill. She then starts to lead him somewhere, but he tries to blow her off for Christine. The Squip tells him that Chloe is about to have sex with him, but Jeremy just cares about the fact that Christine is currently alone.

Chloe notices that he’s distant and says that he’s in his own little world. Jeremy goes to make up an excuse of some sort, but she interrupts him. “”Come!” Chloe grabs my shirt. “I like you” She adjusts my baseball cap. “You can go back to your world later. Be in mine for a while”” This is the first time that she states that she genuinely wants to be with Jeremy, unlike Christine. Jeremy lets her lead the way to where she was originally going.

They go into a laundry center (which, as a Scottish person, I’m assuming is the same as a utility room) and they start to make out, with Jeremy pulling Chloe into his lap and groping her (all with consent). He then starts to dirty talk and ends up telling her that he wishes she had a tail. Chloe calls him weird and straddles him. They start to make out again and Jeremy takes off her shirt and she takes off her bra. Things are about to escalate further before Chloe’s boyfriend, Brock, interrupts them by breaking the window. Chloe tells Jeremy to watch out, before dressing and leaves, blowing him a kiss.

Jeremy ends up in a bathroom with Stephanie (the third “Hot Girl”), hiding from Brock. Stephanie states that Jeremy is “That guy Chloe likes!” and then talks about how Jeremy is apparently super cool, which means that Chloe must have talked about him between the events in the mall and when she invited him to the party.

Chloe ends up getting back with Brock (and snorts Ritalin...) and everything is fine with the trio. Jeremy even drives Chloe and Brock home and that’s the last we really hear from them.

Chloe had a genuine interest in Jeremy, despite having a boyfriend, but Jeremy was only using her to try and get with Christine. If Brock hadn’t interrupted, Chloe and Jeremy would have most likely had sex and it would have been 100% consensual. Jeremy isn’t in a relationship with anyone, so he isn’t cheating. Chloe technically is, but her boyfriend really doesn’t seem like that good of a guy and there’s a very high chance that they broke up at some point. Especially since he calls her a slut and a whore...

HOWEVER

In the musical, the “Hot Girls” don’t exist. Chloe is the only one out of the trio to appear, most likely due to the entire situation with Jeremy. Brooke and her are the equivalent to the “Hot Girls” with Chloe being at the number one spot and Brooke being at number two. The musical focuses a lot more on Jeremy and Michael’s friendship than the book did and a lot less on any other romantic relationships beside Jeremy and Christine’s.

Chloe and Jeremy barely interact during the musical before the Halloween party, which has merged the Halloween dance and Jason Finderman’s party, the only interactions being Chloe stating that he was getting of to her discussion with Jenna and Brooke about Jake and Madeline/Chloe asking what he was staring at when Jake says that they should see other people and the scene in the clothes store in the mall, where Brooke offers Jeremy a ride (like how he asked for one from Anne and Chloe in the book) and Chloe just goes along with it mainly. Their only real interaction is at the Halloween party.

(I have never seen any production of the show live, I am going off of any visual bootlegs on youtube, a copy of the script I found online and the audio bootleg of the London showing. I apologise if anything is incorrect)

During the song “Halloween” Chloe tells Jeremy that she’s been sent to get him because Brooke has a surprise for him. She leads him to an upstairs bedroom, telling him that it’s Jake’s parents. Jeremy says that she knows her way around and she tells him it’s because she’s had sex in most rooms in the house. Jeremy gives he a shocked look and she defends herself, saying that it’s because she dated Jake and asks what kind of slut Jeremy thinks she is.

Jeremy asks where Brooke is and Chloe says that she isn’t coming. Chloe starts singing “Do You Wanna Hang?” and dances around Jeremy. She’s been drinking from her flask (which is a baby bottle) and it’s clear that she’s very much wasted. Jeremy says that he should leave, but his Squip prevents him from standing up. Chloe then starts to talk about how she doesn’t understand why Brooke is so crazy about Jeremy, and how she isn’t as innocent as she seems.

There’s a pause and Jeremy accuses her of being jealous. In the Broadway version, Chloe gestures to herself and states that she’s obviously not jealous, but in the London version, she snaps at him and says that she’s not jealous but she just doesn’t understand why people like Brooke more than they like her. In both versions, Jeremy asks why anyone would be jealous of her because she’s the hottest girl in school. He goes to take back his words, but Chloe kisses him. He tries to tell the Squip to make it stop, but the Squip says it doesn’t understand what Jeremy wants to stop for.

Chloe continues singing “Do You Wanna Hang?” and offers Jeremy the baby bottle flask, stating that it’s not actually milk. The Squip forces him to drink before making him kiss Chloe again.

Brooke interrupts and knocks on the door, asking if Jeremy is there because she was told by Jenna that he had gone upstairs. Chloe and Jeremy stay silent and Brooke goes away. Jeremy ask Chloe if she doesn’t care about Brooke finding out, but Chloe just replies by telling him that he’s not as cute when he’s talking. Jeremy asks the Squip for help, but due to the alcohol, the Squip shuts off.

Chloe says that she’s had enough, until Jake pounds on the door shouting for Jeremy. She then says that the fun is beginning. Jake yells that Jeremy better not be having sex on his parents bed or else he’d have to rip Jeremy’s balls off. Chloe says that they can both be ball-less and Jake pauses before asking if it was her and tries to break the door down. Chloe, who is jumping on the bed, yells that they’re having sex all over Jake’s parents linens and Jeremy tries to protest.

The banging of Jake trying to break down the door stops and they both think that he’s gone away until Jake punches through the window and climbs into the room. Chloe straddles Jeremy (who may be shirtless at this point, but I’ve never seen that in the bootlegs) and Jake tells him that he’s dead. Chloe tells Jake to go away because they’re busy screwing and Jeremy moves away from Chloe and goes to the door, opening it to find Brooke standing there. Jake climbs completely through the window and Jeremy apologises to her before shoving past her and running from Jake.

Many people call the events in this scene “Attempted Rape” and I think that is way too far. From what I’ve seen, they go no further than kissing and Chloe states that she’s had enough and is about to leave before Jake arrives. It’s not Chloe’s fault that Jeremy couldn’t refuse or deny consent. That’s the Squip’s. Chloe was lead to believe that Jeremy was into it as he showed no attempts to stop her or deny what she was doing. It was a miscommunication due to the Squip’s attempts at getting Jeremy to sleep with the popular girl. It wasn’t Jeremy’s fault. It wasn’t Chloe’s fault. It was the Squip’s fault.

I don’t know why Chloe and Jeremy’s relationship was changed like this. Maybe due to the musical not having a long enough run-time to support the development of it as well as the development of Jeremy’s relationships with Michael and Christine. Chloe played a fairly important part in the book, but the musical makes her seem like a completely different character. Book Chloe was popular and hot, but also kind and genuinely interested in Jeremy, whereas musical Chloe is popular and hot and that’s about it. She’s mean and blunt and is a major part in making Jeremy cheat on Brooke. She doesn’t seem to care about her actions and only seems to think of herself until “The Play” and, unless you’re like me and you dive deeply into what her mental state may be like, she is seen as the secondary-antagonist (the Squip being the primary-antagonist).

They did her character dirty in the musical. But, she isn’t a rapist. So please, for the love of god, stop calling her one. She’s a sixteen-year-old who made a drunken mistake that people like to blow out of proportion.

#chloe valentine #be more chill #bmc #bmc chloe #be more chill chloe #jeremy heere #bmc jeremy #be more chill jeremy #jake dillinger #jenna rolan #brooke lohst #bmc book #be more chill book #bmc musical #be more chill musical #character analysis

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datninjalyfe · 3 years

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Not Without You, Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Jumping Between Memories

“Wow, what an amazing quirk!” a teacher gloated on Katsuki after his hands accidentally sparked up during class.

“You’ll be a great hero someday.” another told him.

His eyes grew wide in amazement when he first heard those words. He looked at his hands in astonishment, total bewilderment at the blessing that was now bestowed upon him.

“Your quirk is amazing, Kacchan!” Izuku told him.

Izuku had told him that twice in his life. The first time was when they were little. Young Katsuki being followed by his little Deku, who trotted behind him, telling him of his incredible attributes he already knew about himself thanks to all the other people who had told him similar things. The other was a little over a year ago during a brief fight where Katsuki had exposed his insecurities about Shoto.

At the time, Katsuki could feel that Izuku wasn’t telling him everything, especially when it came to his friendship with Shoto Todoroki. Izuku was holding a secret, something that only the two of them could share—it was irritating for Katsuki, not to know what it was. Katsuki tried to breathe through the anger and not to lash out at Izuku. Calm down, he had told himself. But he didn’t want to lose him. Not to that bastard, anyway. “Deku. I’m not just anybody. I can hold a secret.” Izuku shook his head and Katsuki’s quirk grew hotter in his chest. He felt the heat run down his arms and he quickly hugged the sides of his body, muffling the wet, warm sweat in his hands that had begun to ignite. “Hell, I’m holding the most important secret in the world for you right fucking now, in case you forgot.”

Again, Izuku shook his head. Before Katsuki could say anything to combat it, Izuku told him, “I’m thankful for that, Kacchan, really, but this is important to him!”

Important to him?! He’s not fucking serious, right?! Katsuki could feel the sweat start to drip down the sides of his torso. The heat was substantial like a furnace running through him. “To him? What about what’s important to ME?”

There were two knocks on the wall—Uraraka’s way of telling them that they were getting too rowdy. The last thing they wanted to do was blow their cover and have Aizawa catch Izuku in his room. But Katsuki was so scared of losing Izuku. He was scared of everything that he had done wasn’t enough. A slow exhale left him. He won’t leave you! It’s okay, you two will be alright. Katsuki tried to tell himself, but he couldn’t stop. Izuku’s time with him was so precious and it was already being lost. Katsuki let go of his body and sat down in his desk chair. He waited a few moments, giving his mind and body time to recover. It took a few seconds, but his hands eventually stopped smoking and he gained a little more control. “Am I not important?”

Izuku sat down on the bed across from him. They were quiet until Izuku said, “Kacchan.” he said, a little flute playing in between each letter. Katsuki melted hearing his nickname that Izuku had given him. While direct, there was also a warmth and calmness in his voice. “You are important.”

“It just—,” Katsuki started. I just want to be with you and it seems like you don’t want to be with me. Rather than say that, Katsuki decided to take a different route. “It seems like you spend so much time with everyone else. It’s not fair.” Be with me. I’m only ask for your time, Deku.

“You’re allowed to have friends. Why can’t I?” he asked Katsuki.

Even then, Katsuki could feel that there was something Izuku wasn’t telling him. He leaned back in the chair, smirking slightly, but narrowing his gaze. “It’s not just that, though. Is it?” Katsuki could feel Izuku thinking. It was a piece of Izuku that Katsuki had actually grown to love over the years: Izuku was smart, but Katsuki couldn’t help but feel that in this moment, Izuku was being more calculated and tactical rather than truthful. It didn’t encourage Katsuki. He wanted to be reassured, but feared that Izuku was just thinking of a way to strategically bullshit his way through an answer. But instead, to Katsuki’s surprise, Izuku said bluntly: “You have nothing to worry about.”

He tried to hide the tears that welled up in his eyes. I told you I’d give you my all. Why aren’t you doing the same? He closed his eyes, but he could still feel the water behind his eyelids. He sniffled loudly. I don’t want to lose you, Deku. Katsuki got up from the chair, quietly walking over to him. He lifted Izuku’s chin and gently placed his lips upon Izuku’s, a light, soft kiss. Instantly, Katsuki could feel all the tension leave him. Please, just let me love you. “Okay, Deku.” Katsuki said releasing the kiss, and wrapped himself around Izuku, holding his shoulder’s tightly and placing his forehead in the crook of his neck. He kissed Izuku’s collarbone.

“Could you make yourself warm?” Izuku asked him. “It’s kind of cold.”

Katsuki chuckled quietly and handed Izuku the U.A. jacket he was wearing. Katsuki’s shoulders were bigger and broader than Izuku’s, but Izuku’s arms were larger. Despite being fit to Katsuki, it looked great on Izuku, making his muscles bulge through the sleeves. “Come here.” he told Izuku, laying down. He held out his arm. “I’ll warm you up.” Izuku smiled, blushing slightly and laid atop of Katsuki, who pulled up the blanket. He felt his body hum as he warmed his chest, trying to isolate the heat underneath the blanket. He pulled Izuku in closer. “Better?” Katsuki asked him.

Izuku nodded. “Your quirk is amazing, Kacchan.”

My quirk…

Katsuki was almost instantly jolted back to the present. He looked up at his hands, feeling the heat rush to his fingertips. He laid down in his dorm room, on a mattress he basically threw on the floor. He hadn’t done much decorating to this room, since he was hardly ever in it. During the week, he mostly spent the nights in a small city just outside of where U.A. where Katsuki did his work study. His weekends, when he was off, was spent with various women, most of whom were just one-night stands. He didn’t bother learning any of their names, just wanted to literally get in, get off and when the morning came, get out.

It honestly felt strange to him to be back on campus on a Friday night. The woman that he had been messaging online had canceled on him and he called his boss to let him come in, Radioactive had Yoyo talk him into staying on campus.

“Bakugou, I appreciate the help, really—,” Radioactive started, but Katsuki cut him off.

“Good, then I’ll be there in an hour.”

“—no, really, we can handle it. Take the weekend for yourself.”

“I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

“Bakugou, your work ethic is admirable. But we aren’t working on anything too big right now and we can handle the work load by ourselves.” he heard Radioactive sigh loudly. “Why the hell does it sound like I’m talking to my fucking mother?! For the love of fucking God—Yoyo, tell your friend to stay the fuck home!”

Katsuki could hear shuffling in the background and only imagined Yoyo cartwheeling over to the phone before saying in a horribly fake British accent, “Hello, may I ask who I have the privilege of speaking to?”

“Yoyo, it’s me.”

“Not much of a privilege, then, is it?” Yoyo asked. Katsuki could hear him smiling through the phone. “You just finished one hell of a mission, maybe you should take it easy.” Yoyo said. “Really, sweetheart, it’s best if you just stay on campus for a night. It won’t kill you.” Yoyo pleaded.

“I—don’t want to be alone.” Katsuki confessed.

“I know, honey, but I think some alone time would do you some good.”

“Can you—,” Katsuki started before sighing loudly. “—just stay on the phone with me?”

There was silence. “Okay, for a few minutes. What shall we discuss?” Even over the phone, Katsuki could hear Yoyo thinking. “Oh! Shall we gossip about your class?”

“I did Detonation in class yesterday.”

“OH!” Yoyo said loudly, and Katsuki had to pull the phone away from his ear. “The new ultimate move Radio’s been teaching you! How did it go?” Yoyo’s voice lowered. “Was he impressed?”

Katsuki opened his mouth to yell at him, but then immediately closed it. He hadn’t really thought about whether or not Izuku was impressed with his new move. “I hope so.” he whispered to his friend.

There was a time when Izuku was impressed with anything Katsuki did. A time when Katsuki could’ve crawled all over the quirkless boy and Izuku still would have followed him. Izuku held Katsuki in such high esteem. But he doesn’t anymore. He hated being on campus alone. He hated not having anything to do. These sorts of thoughts always came back, playing like a movie relentlessly over and over again, bouncing around in his head.

He thought about Izuku when he awoke in the morning and tirelessly tried to distract himself from thinking about him for the rest of the day. For the third years mainly, since they mainly focused on work studies, most of the students weren’t on campus much. The time they did have class was rough, especially when both he and Shoto were in class with him. They both worked at Endeavor’s agency, so one or both were always gone on various missions. Radioactive was a small time, local hero but promised Katsuki he could push his quirk to it’s full potential. And he hadn’t lied. Katsuki was now able to use his quirk in various different ways simultaneously, even pushing it to detonation, a move that he hadn’t been able to do previously. Katsuki was thankful for his mentor, but also for the distraction from his thoughts.

His phone buzzed—a message from one of the dating apps: IT’S A MATCH! and a message that read: You’re the Explosion Hero Kacchan, right? He was surprised, considering Radioactive was such a small-time hero. Yeah, that’s me, he messaged back. The response came quickly, but it was a link. Katsuki pressed it and it took him to an article from a mission he had completed over last summer. It was one of his first missions with Radioactive.

“Prove yourself.” his mentor had told him. “I won’t help someone that isn’t willing to help others.”

Katsuki smirked, a smile from ear to ear. “Just tell me what I have to do.”

An explosion had engulfed a government facility. It was unknown whether villains would be there, but Katsuki was told to rescue anyone from the building without causing further injury. When they arrived on scene, Katsuki was shocked by the horror that he saw: people were jumping out of windows, their bodies covered in flames and trying to avoid being burned to death, they were killed instantly as their heads splattering against the pavement below.

“Kacchan, save her!” Kastuki heard Yoyo yell out. When Katsuki looked up, a woman that was holding on to a piece of the collapsing building had broken off.

“I got her!” Katsuki yelled back, jumping up off the ground and grabbing the woman. He gave himself a slight blast back up into the air so he would have a smoother landing. When both feet were firmly planted on the ground, he looked at her, quickly checking for any injuries. He couldn’t see any, despite the outpour of tears flowing from her eyes. Reminds me of fucking Deku.

“You—you rescued me.” She climbed out of his arms and shakily bowed, trying to be respectful. “Thank you, young hero.”

Katsuki looked at the picture in the article the woman had sent him from the incident. It was a picture that had been taken and plastered on almost every newspaper in Japan. She was in his arms, her body clinging onto his tightly. The Young Explosion Hero, Kacchan, Makes His Debut! He looked at the woman in the picture and then scrolled back to the app messages, where he clicked on her profile picture.

Same woman. Katsuki thought before clicking on chat. He read over her message: I’m not really looking for anything, but that was my sister you rescued. I really just wanted to say thank you.

Katsuki chuckled, thinking of what Kaminari would say in this situation. Something stupid and vulgar, I’m sure. But he typed out: Not necessary. An ellipsis appeared on the screen and her response came quickly: I’d like to show you my gratitude, young hero…

He truthfully thought about it. He wanted to say yes, he wanted to desperately to be in the company of someone, to have them love on him, suck him, fuck him. He wanted to have someone show them how thankful they were, how appreciative they were that he was there for them and wanted to be shown that admiration in return.

He scrolled through her pictures, trying to convince himself that he found her attractive. “C’mon…” he tried. He looked through the pictures, trying to find just one, but grew angrier the harder he looked. When he couldn’t do it, he threw his phone across the room. He cried, burying himself in his hands. Why? Why am I not over him yet?! “God, what’s wrong with me?” he asked himself, just wanting something. Did he not deserve to be happy? Did he not deserve love?

“No, I do. Fuck it, I deserve someone to love me.”

Send me an address. he finally messaged the woman. Katsuki wiped his face off, zipping his pants back up, he left his room and made his way downstairs. His phone buzzed once more with her address. Katsuki was surprised when the elevator doors opened and he saw Kirishima on the couch next to Sero.

“Hey, man, heading out?” Kirishima asked.

Katsuki thought about staying in for the night and hanging around with Kirishima and Sero. “Thought you were working on a big mission.”

“We are, but the meeting is downtown, so I’ll leave in an hour or so.”

Damn, Katsuki thought. He would’ve much rather spent the night here than providing fanservice for a one-night stand. “Yeah, I’m gonna head out. I’ll send you the address.”

After unsafe events from last year, the two gave each other their locations every time they left. “Just be safe, bro.”

Katsuki took a screenshot and waited until Kirishima gave him a thumbs up that he received the message to head out the door. He pulled out his earphones, placing one in each ear and opened the door leading outside—

and stared into the bright green eyes of Izuku. Katsuki dared not take a single breath, nor could he avert his gaze. His heart hammered against his chest, louder with each beat, faster with every second that passed; it deafened his ears, crashing hard against his ribcage, causing adrenaline to pump with his quirk, through his veins. The heat beat into the palm of his hands, dripping down into the very tips of his fingers. The two could only look at each other as sharp threads of panic darted through him. Katsuki wanted to speak, trying to force his mouth open, but as if his mouth was stitched completely shut. He said nothing, didn’t move, couldn’t move.

But Izuku just smiled, blushing slightly and said, “Kacchan.” a tiny flute playing in his voice.

The sound forced a breath that Katsuki had choked back and he exhaled a hot breath that condensed into the cold air. Realizing how tense he was, he dropped his shoulders and unclenched his jaw. He wasn’t completely relaxed, but there was comfort in the tone of that voice. It wasn’t harsh or rude; it wasn’t shaky or scared; instead, it was just a simple word, but it was so familiar and made Katsuki feel so safe, so secure in that moment. And before he could stop it, he acknowledged Izuku back with a simple, yet familiar word of his own: “Nerd.”

He felt the heat rush to his cheeks as it left the seam of his lips. He stepped past Izuku, finally able to tear his eyes away. Each step was harder than the last as he moved forward. He swore he could feel Izuku’s eyes still on him, but when he turned around and started to say, “Deku—,” but the door to the dorm had closed, Izuku on the other side of it.

Katsuki waited there for a few more seconds, just staring at the door. The heat of his quirk still raged within his body. Go after him, it told him, motivating him to walk back through the door. Icy Hot isn’t here—it continued and he took a single step. God, just say it again, Deku. He took another step towards the dorm. He wanted Izuku, needed him—

But he stopped himself. No, not like this. Turning back around, he marched away from the dorm, lightly humming to himself. Smiling from ear to ear.

(previous)(all)(next)

#bakugou katsuki #izubaku #bakudeku #deku x bakugou #bakugou x midoriya #katsudeku #deku x kacchan #izukatsu #katsuki x izuku #myfic #notwithoutyou #myficstay

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nc7dr3am · 4 years

Text

LILY’s RELTIONSHIPS WITH THE DREAMIES

MARKLY:

so their ship name is just his full name LMAO

they love it

so yknow how dream clowns mark?

obviously she does too

but she’s more gentle and has a TON of respect for mark

“minhyung oppa is extremely hardworking ... he’s always working to be his absolute best and he is so kind and down to earth”

they’re actually a really soft duo

because like. mark is truly her big brother

he cares for her a lot and helped her so much during her debut

he helps her practice her dancing (even after he left dream)

because she trusts him a lot and he know the exact way to help her

but yeah she still clowns him

calls him old man all of the time

but she was full on SOBBING at their last concert with mark

like she had to move her mic because it was so bad

mark isn’t too big on the pda but when they’re together he always lets his baby sister give him so many hugs

when sm told them that mark was coming back and they were a fixed unit ... god she cried a lot then too

she was so happy

“lily is actually so sweet guys. like, she’s so genuine. she cares a lot for all of us and she’s also so intelligent? she’s always reading” - mark when asked about her on vlive

he’s trying to teach her guitar but the only instrument she formally knows is violin

her skill with the bass is self taught and she doesn’t know actual notes so she applies that to guitar and mark is trying to ACTUALLY teach her

mark also understands her well because they were both raised in the west

she expresses herself better in english and mark is always there to understand and listen

they’re just actual siblings and love each other so much

LILJUN:

firstly

lily makes renjun look a lot taller

she doesn’t ever make fun of his height and gets mad at the other dreamies when they do

she clowns his voice crack tho HAH

lowkey the savage duo

lily is more secretly savage though

renjun is the one allowed in her room the most

he works on his art and she reads or writes or practices violin

they have a lot of quiet moments

but they also get silly together

so lily doesn’t think about the universe deeply because she lowkey thinks it’s a waste of her time

like .. she’ll never know and she’s fine with that so why dwell on it

HOWEVER she really believes in aliens and she and renjun legit have sat for hours looking online ab alien shit

they’re also both so smart

and she’s always talking about how much she admires renjun’s brain

stans his vocal talent. like. she’s loud about it

fans love this duo a lot nd they have a lot of romantic shippers

even tho .. they have never liked each other that way LMAO

at the airport she links arms with him a lot and they look like they’re gossiping hhhhh

when the dreamies are being too much they just look at each other and fans love that shit

also they’re both arguably the scariest members

renjun because... duh y’all know him

but lily doesn’t get annoyed often. when she does... there’s hell to pay and she has a good punch

“renjun oppa is so good at korean! i’m actually korean and he speaks it better than i do!”

“that’s because i’m smarter than you”

“do you want to die?”

basically just a really close pair! they’re always there for each other 🥺

JENLY:

she openly says that jeno is the cutest member

“he’s the most adorable person ever! his eyesmile is too cute”

the way she laughed when jeno ripped his shirt off-

she clowned him for DAYS

every time she was wearing a jacket or cardigan she ripped it off and mocked him

also whenever she’s drinking something around him she recreates his milk cf

also!!! she thinks jeno is so funny

she loves him and his humor

she and jeno have a really really deep bond.

he saw her journal (refer to my post about her room) and he’ll take what he read to the grave

he checks in on her a lot because he knows when she’s hurting

when they were trainees she was struck by how kind he was to her

and they were stuck together ever since

lily hasn’t ever been mad at him ONCE

they’re arguably the softest duo

they have a lot of romantic shippers too but

again

it’s a no

she’s a big nomin shipper too like unironically she thinks there’s something there

she always hypes his vocals!! he doesn’t get to sing enough >:(

he’s also her biggest cheerleader and when she cries and gets upset about her dancing he always pulls her aside and consoles her 🥺

he helps her with writing songs too!

wholesome beautiful friendship

they go out to eat a lot

jeno also helps her paint her nails LMAO

and they ride bikes together a lot

can’t commit to working out with him though because it’s way too much for her to do all that

lily also bakes a lot. and jeno appreciates that. a LOT

they’re best friends. she even bought them stupid girly heart bracelets that connect together LMAO

JIHYUCK:

so much affection!!!!

she is such a hyuck stan

“haechannie is my bias!!”

always calls him fullsun (in english)

number one hyuck skin enthusiast!! she thinks he’s gorgeous and glows brighter than all of them

also she loves his singing and thinks his vocal tone is so unique

always laughs at his jokes and finds him hilarious

he doesn’t prank her as much as the others because he’s actually so sweet to her

he’s used to having a younger sister and thinks of lily as his little sister

they constantly text and facetime a lot since they live in different dorms

she’s lowkey whipped for him and he’s whipped for her

not in a romantic way tho!

another member who always eats her baking

they learn girl group dances together

now we all know damn well that hyuck is the sweetest boy and so full of love

but we also know he annoys the shit out of the members

jimin is NO exception

he pokes fun at her and mocks her all the time

so she slaps him in the back of the head LMAOO

when does she actually get mad tho? when he shows up at the dorms and enters her room without permission

cue her chasing him around the dorms with murder in her eyes

yknow the vine where it’s like

“let me see what you have?”

“a KNIFE”

“NO”

that’s the other guys making sure hyuck doesn’t get brutally murdered

because lily can pack a punch

all in all though, they’re a great duo and they’re always so proud of each other

JAEJIMIN:

okay jaemin babies the FUCK outta her

he always takes care of her and talks to her about her concerns and vice versa

he was so happy for her when she debuted and was sad he couldn’t be there for it

she visited him all the time when he was gone

and she was heartbroken that he wasn’t with dream

she is a BIG 8dream stan because they are a family

but yeah fans can’t even ship them romantically because they know lily is his lil baby

she helps him with his english

and he always compliments her singing and dancing

proud of her songwriting

so much affection

even tho she hates when he pinches her cheeks n calls her cute

when he came back during go she was overjoyed

“go is our special era! we were all reunited~~”

he always wanted a sister and now he has one <3

she drinks a lot of coffee but not as much as him and was so worried about his health

they’re the biggest flirts w czennies

you’ll always find them with their arms linked in the airport

and everywhere really

during empathy era she was always hugging jaemin’s side

they also do a lot of lives together!!

such cute bffs

she is a big nomin stan like i said

name twins and they always tell everyone that they’re actual siblings

jaemin’s mom is so fond of her and treats her like her own daughter

HE REALLY TRIES TO GIVE HER FASHION ADVICE AND GIVE INPUT ON HOW HER HAIR SHOULD LOOK FOR COMEBACKS

they’re really true siblings and best friends 🥺

LILLE:

THESE MFS ARE BEST FRIENDS

01’ liners and so similar in ages but he ALWAYS brings up that he’s older

they compete over a lot

literally everything is a competition

she’s at her most childish with him

they also make lots of bets and she usually wins

clowns him for those predebut pics LOL

SHE ALWAYS SEND THEM IN THE GC AND EVEN POSTS THEM ON BUBBLE N SHIT HAHA

they can be really soft but will never admit it even if they are caught on camera

they’re pretty calm if they’re cooking together

he is Banned™️ from her room and she won’t budge at all

“chenle isn’t allowed in my room because he will disturb my peace”

remember on that one ep of weekly idol where chenle was SCREAMING while they did aegyo

yeah it’s louder when lily does aegyo

u didn’t hear it from me but her aegyo is SO cute it’s not as cringey as the others

but chenle hates it because she’s cute and he wants to clown her but he CANT

really proud of each other. super proud of each other

chenle has sat with her as she’s cried a lot. and comforted her. and it always stays between them.

she’s always there for him too

a LOT of fans have suspected that there’s something there

his mom loves her so much!!!!!

when she and jisung went to his house they were BAFFLED and impressed

“something bothers me a lot. one day, chenle woke up and looked grown up. he used to have chubby cheeks and looked like a kid and now he looks like an adult and has such defined cheekbones. it’s so strange”

when they became adults they got SHITFACED DRUNK

they definitely don’t say it a lot and when they do it’s in private (even tho everyone knows)

but they really love each other 🥺

LILJI:

jisung and lily is

p o p u l a r

with fans

because fans put together the pieces that jisung had a crush on lily during debut

lily thought it was sweet because jisung was always so cute and young

she saw him as a little kid

they used to not have MANY interactions

she always laughs when jisung is bein funny

and is in AWE of his dancing

he always assures her when she gets upset about her dancing

lilchenji is an ICONIC friendship

they watch a lot of movies together

she’s been on chenjis this and that a few times

remember that live when nomin got all in each other’s faces while chenji just froze and looked at them and then looked at the camera and looked real shocked

she was there and the three of them were like 😶

so yeah when jisung started getting really tall lily was real confused

and then somehow

during go and we go up

jisung started looking different. like. more grown up

and he had more confidence and talked to her more

and lily was like 😳😳

but spoilers so i won’t go too deep into that

they’re really good friends these days tho

the fans LOVE THEM it’s such a popular ship

at the dream shows when they sing bye my first

the song that lily famously LOVES

yknow that one line jisung has where the music goes quiet and he goes

“na geuttaeneun cham eoryeosseo”

blessed line it was beautiful

anyway at the dream show jisung would hold the mic to lily and have her sing the line or they’d duet it

and their eye contact!!!! and lily’s SMILE IS SO BRIGHT

stars in their eyes

um anyway!! they’re great friends nd very shippable for. reasons!

author’s note! i’m also a ‘01 liner! so don’t think it’s weird if i’m writing a jisung romance LMAO or who knows if it’ll be jisung? 👀👀

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ryqoshay · 3 years

Text

Tri-Arame: Valentine’s Day

Primary Pairing Trio: YuuAyuSetsu Words: ~4.2k Rating: G, mostly. I’ll leave the T/M’ish stuff to your imagination... Time Frame: February of their 2nd year in high school Story Arc: Stand Alone

----------

Author’s Note: I couldn’t quite get this one done in time for the official holiday. I kept interrupting the flow with what I believed to be too much introspection, but I didn’t want to cut it completely, so I would write a new part to include it. And I still ended up dumping a bunch at the end. Que zura, zura... At least it’s still February, so... better late than never?

----------

“Ayumu-sa~n!” a voice called from behind.

The redhead turned to see a raven-haired girl walking briskly to catch up, waving wildly as if it would make it easier to spot her in the mostly empty hall. Running would likely have been quicker, and her excited aura made it seem like she wanted to do so. However, Setsuna was a rule follower, or at least tried to present herself as such, so hastened walking was her best solution.

“What’s up, Setsuna-chan?” Ayumu asked, pausing by the clubroom door.

“I finished my book, so you and Yuu-san can borrow it now.”

“That was quick.”

Setsuna grinned as she reached the other girl. “It was so good I couldn’t put it down.”

Ayumu leaned down a little. “Did you stay up too late again to do so?” She asked, noticing poorly concealed dark spots under cendrée eyes.

Had the other girl really gone around all day looking like that? Ayumu would have probably said something in the morning had they walked to school together like most mornings recently. However, Yuu had made them late and they had missed their usual train.

“Uhm… maybe…?”

“Geez, what am I going to do with you two?” Ayumu sighed.

“Two?”

“Yuu-chan stayed up too late last night as well, working on a new song again.” Ayumu explained. “Then, she overslept. That’s why we couldn’t meet you this morning.”

Setsuna’s eyes sparkled in a way that made it harder to tell she was actually sleep deprived. “I can’t wait to hear it.” Apparently, her excitement for a new song had overridden her disappointment in not being able to walk together.

“That wasn’t the point.” Ayumu shook her head but couldn’t help smiling at her friend’s enthusiasm anyway. “You two need to take better care of yourselves.” Though she’d fussed over her childhood friend for years, over the last few months, Ayumu had found herself worrying over Setsuna as well, since both girls shared a few bad habits.

“Thank you for your concern.” Setsuna acknowledged honestly, something Ayumu appreciated as Yuu wasn’t quite as responsive in that area. “But I’ll be fine once I move around a bit more.” She made a few motions mimicking the upcoming practice session. “And before I forget…” She reached into her bag.

“Oh, what’s that?” Fluttering paper caught Ayumu’s eye as the other girl pulled out her book.

“What’s wha…” Setsuna looked down. “Eh? Nothing!” She dropped down to fetch what looked like a flyer from a local store. “It’s nothing!” She repeated, stuffing the page back in her bag. “Please forget you saw that.”

“Was that an advertisement for a Valentine’s Day sale?” Ayumu felt a little bad about pressing the issue that the other girl seemed desperate to avoid, but she couldn’t ignore the alarm that suddenly chimed in the back of her mind. “I think I got the same one the other day.”

Pink blossomed across Setsuna’s cheeks as she held Ayumu’s gaze. “… Yes…” She admitted after a moment. “But, uhm… please don’t tell the others, alright? I was hoping to keep it a secret that I was going to make chocolates for everyone.”

The tiny bells became a blaring klaxon. “Do you want to make them together?” Ayumu offered. “I was planning on picking up supplies on my way home today since Yuu-chan has to stay late on cleaning duty. We can make everything at my place if you want.”

The last part seemed to catch Setsuna’s attention. “Do you already have molds and mixing bowls and that kind of stuff?”

Ayumu nodded. “I’ve made chocolates for Yuu-chan for many years, but with exception of the molds, the rest of the equipment is fairly standard for baking.”

“That would save me the expense of buying my own…” Setsuna mused.

Ayumu tiled her head with curiosity. “You don’t already have…?”

“Oh, sorry, we don’t do much cooking at my place since my parents are often busy with work.” Setsuna explained. “We have a few of the basics, but nothing like the double boilers and such that I saw recommended online.”

Ayumu nodded. “We have those.”

“So, you’re alright letting me use your equipment?”

“Of course.” Ayumu smiled. “And I think it will also be more fun to bake together as well.” She decided not to explain her ulterior motive of keeping an eye on the exceedingly enthusiastic experimenter. “If you don’t mind keeping my own secret of what I’ll be making for everyone.”

Setsuna laughed. “My lips will be sealed.” She made a motion as though pulling a zipper closed over her mouth.

With that decided, the two girls entered the club room to begin practice.

----------

“Ah, here we go.” Ayumu pulled a few bars off the shelf. “I’ve used this brand before and it works well.” She made sure the other girl saw the items before she put them in her basket.

Setsuna nodded in affirmation but continued to scan the shelves.

“Anything in particular you’re looking for?” Ayumu inquired.

“The ones in the ad…”

“Oh, those will probably on display at the end of the aisle. Shall we check?”

“Alright.”

The two made their way to the endcap display.

“After I saw them in the flyer, I checked online and found some good reviews.” Setsuna explained as she picked up a few packages.

“That is dark chocolate,” Ayumu observed “so it won’t be as sweet as milk. But we have plenty of sugar at home if you decide you want to add some.”

“Alright.” Setsuna acknowledged. “Next up is bacon.”

“Bacon?” A new siren wailed in Ayumu’s mind. “Why would you need…?”

“Another reviewer linked to some recipes that suggested adding creative things like bacon instead of normal sea salt.”

“I think, for Valentine’s Day chocolate given to friends, we should stick to the <K.I.S.S.> principle.” Ayumu said the acronym in English.

“<Kiss?>” Setsuna repeated as a question.

“<Keep It Simple.>”

“What about the other S?”

Oh, right… Ayumu suddenly worried if Setsuna would take it as an insult. “<Keep It Simple, Stupid.>” She explained somewhat reluctantly.

“<Keep It Simple Stupid.>” Setsuna considered for a moment. “That makes sense. Love is complicated enough as it is, as shown so often in anime. And Valentine’s episodes always include some sort of drama or misunderstanding. So, keeping things simple is probably a good idea. And kisses are associated with Valentine’s as well. Yes, it definitely all makes sense.” She nodded, having reached her conclusion. “Alright, I’ll keep it simple.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly the explanation I would have gone with… Ayumu thought to herself, but if it works for her and keeps her out of trouble in the kitchen… She also found herself amused by how Setsuna always seemed to view the world through the lens of anime. Or idols. One or the other, sometimes both. It was rather cute, despite its absurdity, or perhaps… maybe because of it?

“I guess that also means no Tabasco sauce, parmesan or pickles?” Setsuna suddenly added.

“No. Definitely not.” Ayumu shook her head. What the heck kind of article suggested putting those kinds of things in Valentine’s chocolate?

“Hrm, I read the Tabasco or any sort of chili could represent burning passion.”

“Are you looking to convey burning passion to the others in the club?”

Setsuna blinked as though having just realized the implication. “Well… burning passionate friendship maybe?”

“Maybe Setsuna-chan is capable of that kind of thing.” Ayumu laughed. “But for now, why don’t we stick with the <K.I.S.S> principle?”

“Alright.” Thankfully, Setsuna didn’t seem too disappointed by having her ideas dismissed.

“So, shall we look at things to use for decoration?” Ayumu offered.

“Yes.” Setsuna agreed with a smile.

----------

“You know, I’m surprised you don’t do this with Yuu-san.” Setsuna commented as the two girls were setting up in Ayumu’s kitchen.

“Yuu-chan doesn’t have much interest in baking, or cooking, really.” Ayumu explained. “For Valentine’s, she just buys chocolate from the store.” She chuckled at memories. “However, she has actually made a bit of a tradition of buying the same kind for a few years now.”

“I can understand that. Traditions are fun.” Setsuna nodded. “And I had originally intended to buy chocolates for everyone this year, but then I got that flyer and it inspired me. I started researching things and got even more ideas and the more ideas I got the more I wanted to try making them myself.” She smiled. “Thank you again for letting me use your kitchen and equipment.”

“You’re most welcome, Setsuna-chan.”

With double boilers arranged on the stove and molds on the counter, the girls got to work. All the while, Ayumu kept a careful eye on what was being put in each pot, ensuring no extraneous ingredients were added. Thankfully, Setsuna seemed to be content with the items they had purchased. Perhaps the K.I.S.S. principle really had struck a chord with her?

Setsuna hummed happily to herself as she stirred her pot of chocolate before dipping in the thermometer as Ayumu had shown her a few minutes ago. “Oh, 31.5 degrees.” She announced.

“Perfect.” Ayumu responded, moving over to the stove. “Let’s give it a quick taste.” She dipped in a spoon. “That’s wonderful, Setsuna-chan. I hadn’t considered using dark chocolate before, but this is really good.” She smiled as the other girl bounced with excitement at the praise. “There’s a boldness that really suits you.”

“Boldness?”

“Here.” Ayumu held out what was left on the spoon. “Taste for yourself.”

“That is really good.” Setsuna agreed. “So, how is it different from yours?”

“Let’s find out.” Ayumu found a different spoon, dipped it into her pot and tasted it before holding it as well.

“Hrm… If mine is bold, then Ayumu-san’s is sweet.” Setsuna giggled as a thought occurred to her. “Not all that different from us on stage as school idols, don’t you think?”

Ayumu felt heat rise in her cheeks. “Maybe…”

“Anyway, yours is really good too, Ayumu-san.”

“Probably not as good as one made by someone like Kanata-chan.” Ayumu thought out loud.

“Ayumu-san.” Setsuna’s voice suddenly became stern.

“Eh?”

“That’s no good.” Furrowing her brow and putting a hand on her hip, Setsuna took on a commanding aura that made her seem bigger than her otherwise diminutive stature. It was something at which she excelled when performing on stage, but this was different. “You should have more confidence in yourself, Ayumu-san. Your chocolate is wonderful, and everyone will be grateful to receive it.”

“Oh…”

Setsuna didn’t seem satisfied with that response. “And I don’t just mean confidence here in the kitchen, by the way. You’re one of the hardest workers in the club, both academically and in school idol activities.” She paused for a moment. “Though I suppose I have read a lot of comments from your fans about how they think your bashfulness is cute and part of your charm. But they also appreciate your determination, so even they would have to agree that you should have more confidence in your abilities. Anyway, my point is that Yuu-san is going to love your chocolates. So will Kanata-san. And Kasumi-san. And all of the others.”

“And Setsuna-chan?” Ayumu couldn’t help a bit of hopefulness in her voice.

That seemed to throw Setsuna off. “I… Well…” Her hand fell from her hip and her brow unknitted. “Of course, myself as well. I just tasted it and told you it was good, right?” She paused again. “It’s not going to change in flavor when it hardens, right?”

“Not really, if we did things right, which it looks like we did. It won’t have as strong a smell when it’s solid, but it will still be good.” Ayumu assured with a chuckle. “Some of the toppings and decorations we’ll add in a bit will compliment things, but the chocolate itself will remain essentially the same as it now.”

“Oh, alright, that’s good.”

“Shall we get this stuff in the molds before it hardens in the pot?”

Setsuna nodded in agreement and the two began the next phase of their project.

“So, how long will these take to cool so we can reuse the molds?” Setsuna asked as she set a tray in the fridge.

“Reuse?”

“For the next batch.”

Ayumu realized that Setsuna still had several bars of unused chocolate. “How many were you planning on making?”

“I wanted to make some for the student counsel as well. And one more.”

“One more?”

“Is that the biggest mold you have?” Setsuna indicated one far larger than the others.

“I think so.” Ayumu picked up the tray in question. She had not personally ever used it for chocolate due to its size, rather for baking small cakes or cookies. “Who would this be for?” As soon as the question left her mouth, she began dreading the answer.

“Oh, uhm…” Pink dusted Setsuna’s cheeks. “I wanted to make a special one for Yuu-san” Ayumu’s breath hitched. Of course it would be for… “and Ayumu-san.” Oh… “If you two don’t mind sharing, of course.”

“No… that’s fine…” A different type of regret crept through Ayumu’s mind.

“I consider you two my best friends.” Setsuna admitted, glancing away somewhat sheepishly. “Of course I cherish the friendships I’ve made with the others in the club, but you two are different, and I wanted to do something different to show that. I actually had you two in mind when I first considered making all these.” She looked up. “Sorry for spoiling the surprise, but I guess that was inevitable when I agreed to come here for this project.”

“Well, it will still be a surprise for Yuu-chan.” Ayumu offered, as she attempted to suppress her unease.

“That’s true.” Setsuna agreed. “I hope you two like it.”

“I’ve already tasted it, so you already know what I think.” Ayumu pointed out.

Setsuna grinned as her usual cheerfulness came back on the rise. And as was often the case, her smile was contagious, so Ayumu couldn’t help returning one of her own, which made her feel better as well.

“Alright, let’s prepare some of the decorations while the first batch cools.” Ayumu said, moving over to the counter.

“Right.” Setsuna agreed as she followed.

----------

“Good morning, Yuu-chan.” Ayumu greeted her childhood friend on the other balcony.

“Mornin’ Ayumu…” Yuu yawned in return, rubbing at her eyes.

“Another late night?”

“Mmm…”

“What am I going to do with you two?” Ayumu sighed.

“Mm? Two?”

Huh, déjà vu. “Setsuna-chan stayed up too late the other night finishing her book.”

Yuu’s eyes lit up. “Oh, she said she was going to let us borrow it when she was done.”

“She gave it to me already.” Ayumu explained. “I’ll let you have it this weekend when it doesn’t matter as much if you stay up too late.”

Yuu pouted and Ayumu couldn’t help laughing lightly at the adorable reaction.

“Anyway, it’s good you’re up in time today. Setsuna-chan and I worked hard yesterday and want to give you your gifts as soon as possible.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. One sec…” Yuu turned as if to head back into her room.

“Just go ahead and get ready, Yuu-chan.” Ayumu called after her friend. “I’ll see you at the stairs in a few.”

“Alright!” came the response from the other side of the divider.

Not more than fifteen minutes later, Yuu came barreling down the stairs, buttered toast in her mouth like she was cosplaying an anime character.

“Yuu-chan, your ribbon is wrong…” Ayumu stopped her friend so she could adjust the bow. “There we go.”

“Thanks Ayumu.” Yuu replied with a chewing grin.

“Geez, and you’re getting crumbs…” Ayumu picked two pieces off Yuu’s cheek and ate them.

As if not even noticing, Yuu finished her breakfast and reached into her bag. “Happy Valentine’s, Ayumu!” She said, proudly presenting a package.

“Thank you, Yuu-chan.” Ayumu accepted the chocolate.

Sure enough, they were the same as years prior. She loved the tradition and as such, the brand had become one of her favorites, though she only indulged in it once a year. And, as per tradition, she quickly opened the package, removed one piece and ate it. She then took out a second piece and offered it to the person who had just given them to her.

“Mm, those are always so good.” Yuu commented. “I’d say they’re my favorite, but there is one kind that is better.”

Ayumu smiled as she knew the implications of the compliment, as if Yuu’s expectantly excited expression wasn’t enough of a giveaway. Thus, she reached into her own bag and produced one of the chocolates she had made the previous evening.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Yuu-chan.”

“That looks as amazing as ever.” Yuu observed as she accepted the chocolate. After quickly opening the package, she broke off a sizable piece, split it in two and offered one back to Ayumu. Same as the year before, and the year before that. “Yes, Ayumu’s chocolates really are the best.” Yuu said after swallowing.

“Shall we go meet up with Setsuna-chan?” Ayumu asked.

“Of course!” Yuu agreed as the two headed toward the station.

----------

“Setsuna-chan!” Yuu called, spotting their friend leaning against the same pillar as every morning since the three of them started walking to school together.

“Good morning, Yuu-san, Ayumu-san.” Setsuna bowed politely as the two approached.

“Good morning.” Ayumu replied with a smile.

“Happy Valentine’s!” Yuu cried, pulling out a package that looked to be the same size as the one she had given Ayumu a little while ago.

“Thank you.” Setsua accepted with a smile that rivaled the size of the gift. “May I open it now?”

Yuu laughed. “Of course!”

Ayumu couldn’t help paying close attention as the paper was removed to reveal… sure enough, it was the same brand. Yuu had given them both identical gifts. And that bothered… no wait, did it actually bother her? Strange. Several months ago, it absolutely would have. But now…

“These are really good.” Setsuna’s voice caught Ayumu’s attention again. “Want one?” She held out a pair.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Yuu replied.

Ayumu dismissed her initial thought to point out that she already had some of her own, due to Yuu having given her a box back home. Instead, she smiled and accepted the offer. Setsuna had melded all but seamlessly into their habits of sharing snacks so of course she would continue now.

“Thank you.” She said before taking a bite.

“Ayumu already knows, because she helped me make it, but I have something for you two as well.” Setsuna reached into her bag.

“Woah, that’s not just for…” Yuu started.

“It’s for both of you.” Setsuna finished.

“Oh, yeah, that makes more sense.” Yuu started unwrapping. “Still, this is amazing, Setsuna-chan. You put a lot of work into this.” She admired the decorations for a few moments.

Ayumu couldn’t disagree. She’d watched Setsuna pour her heart into practically professional level details. What she lacked in traditional taste, Setsuna more than made up for with an exceptional, though esoteric aesthetic.

“It’s almost a shame to eat something like this.” Yuu continued.

Setsuna laughed. “It’s fine. Eating it is the point. I hope you like it.”

“I’m sure it will be fine. Let’s see…” In a similar manner to what she had done with Ayumu’s chocolate, Yuu broke off a piece, but this time divided it into three. “There we go.”

Setsuna and Ayumu accepted their shares and the three popped their pieces into their mouths at the same time.

Yuu started to chuckle after she swallowed. “Looks like the brand I’ve been giving is going to be bumped down another notch.”

Setsuna tilted her head and blinked with a silent question.

“Ayumu’s is already ahead on my favorites list, but now Setsuna-chan’s is as well.” Yuu explained.

Ayumu found herself wondering about her own list of favorites. Setsuna’s chocolate really was delicious and Ayumu took a bit of pride in knowing she had helped rein in the adventurous chef so as to produce something that good. Also, Yuu was correct that it was better than the store-bought kind she gave. But was that all enough to edge out the sense of nostalgia Ayumu felt every year from Yuu’s gift? Or did it simply bring them both to the same level? Would she feel the same if she had left Setsuna to her own devices where she would have likely used bacon, Tabasco – seriously, what was her obsession with Tabasco? – paremesan, pickels and deities only knew what else?

“Oh, is that the time?” Yuu asked, her attention focused on one of the various displays around the platform. “We should get going so we’re not late to class.”

“Wait,” Ayumu spoke up before the other two started moving “I still have to give mine.”

Even though she likely knew it was coming, even though she had already helped taste test the batch and witnessed the decoration process, Setsuna bounced a little with an excitedly expectant energy. Ayumu noted how similar the behavior was to Yuu’s earlier reaction.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Setsuna-chan.”

Setsuna tore into the package with equal enthusiasm as with the first from Yuu. And like before, a piece was broken off and shared among the three before they started walking toward their school.

While her two friends seemed filled with festive fervor, something else held Ayumu’s thoughts. Certainly, she was happy that her friends were happy, and she was sure to smile when either directed their attention toward her, but something felt off. And not only was it different than what she had felt in months before, she couldn’t decide if it was better or worse.

----------

So, the packages of chocolates Yuu had given the other girls in the club had indeed been the same brand, but in smaller packages. And she had given Ayumu and Setsuna the same size. Did that mean that Yuu viewed them the same?

Ayumu pondered the day’s events as she made her way to her room to prepare for her bath.

Yuu had said, months ago, that Setsuna was not more important to her than Ayumu. And while Ayumu had trouble believing the statement at first, as more was revealed, she came to realize the truth in Yuu’s statement. However, that still did not rule out the possibility that Yuu considered the two of them equally important.

Thus, Ayumu found herself conflicted. On the one hand, there was the old familiar feeling of fear that she might lose Yuu to someone else… not that Yuu was actually hers, but… It was the feeling that had spiked in the days before the festival due to that misunderstanding with Setsuna and the same one she had tried hard to quash after things were made clear.

She didn’t want to be upset with Setsuna though, because as far as she could tell, the other girl had no intentions of stealing Yuu away from her. In fact, Setsuna had been nothing but honest and sincere in her desire to be close friends with both of them.

And that lead to the other hand, where Ayumu had come to truly enjoy the time the three spent together, often missing Setsuna’s presence when it was just her and Yuu. Heck, inviting Setsuna over to make chocolates wasn’t even the first time they had spent time together without Yuu, and there was no denying how much fun Ayumu had that evening.

So, did Yuu see her and Setsuna the same? Did Setsuna see her and Yuu the same? For that matter, did Ayumu see the other two the same? And if they did all see each other the same, what did that mean for them as friends… or lov…?

Despite there being no witnesses around to see her face, Ayumu felt like she needed to hide the fact that she was blushing at the thought of a relationship beyond what she already had with her two friends. And some of the activities that might be involved with such a relationship.

Certainly, this wasn’t the first time she had imagined such things between herself and Yuu, but it was the first time Setsuna had made an appearance in such fantasies. And Ayumu couldn’t deny that the ideas held an amount of appeal. Quite a bit of appeal, actually. Far more than she anticipated.

Ayumu leaned back in the tub and allowed her thoughts to continue meandering through various scenarios, several of which became more than slightly sensual. By the time she was finished with her bath, she was quite ready to crawl under the covers and fall asleep.

But first, she needed to send her nightly message to Yuu. After hitting Send, she was about to set down her phone and don her pajamas when a thought occurred to her. She switched conversation threads and sent a similar good night message to Setsuna. Then, with a smile, she placed the device by her pillow and finished getting ready for bed.

The two other girls had responded by the time Ayumu crawled into bed so she read their messages before pulling up the covers. Finally, as sleep started to take over, Ayumu found herself looking forward to the next day so she could see Yuu, and Setsuna, again.

----------

Author’s Note Continued in Followup Post

#YuuAyuSetsu #Takasaki Yuu #Yuki Setsuna #Uehara Ayumu #Tri-Arame #Love Live Nijigasaki #fanfic #Happy Valentine's Day!#belated

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choiceenvironment · 3 years

Text

Shorty’s Fight

Shorty is so deserving of the proper surgery to save her leg. I feel horrible that I can not afford to provide her with it. With so many people struggling, I hate to ask for this kind of financial help, but I have no choice. I have to try for her sake. Our local small town community has already sponsored the costs to saving her, with help from the wonderful (Strathmore Veterinarian). The donations gave the vet enough to amputate her tail and cast her arm from a broken Radial bone. Including an anonymous donor that paid her intake. I believe it is because the town knows her, she has gone into stores, got the mail with me and all my clients love her. Since then (2 weeks ago) something has gone wrong and the Ulnar bone which had a hairline fracture has now broken fully, the only option now is amputate her front left arm for $2000 or Surgery for $4500 to save the arm. She is in a lot of pain, this breaks my heart for her and she does not deserve to suffer. I have been told by some that she is just a cat, That I should just do what ever is cheapest and/or put her down. But she is not just a regular cat, her personality captures anyone who meets her but not in the cuddly way most would think. This is my story of the most unique cat I have ever known. "Sam Shorty" 2 years ago I was looking for a small companion cat that I could bring to work at my newly opened print shop. I thought it would be great to keep the mice away, I was lonely as I worked alone and I had some struggles coping with stress. My store was opened in 2017, Since then my entire store was flooded and I lost all my inventory with no help from insurance because it was "overland flooding" - Jerks! They didn't help at all. But my community did! Since then I lost my father, 2 brothers and covid took away my events which used to pay for my store rent. I hosted, cooking and paint classes for kids when they were off school. I also trained people who struggle to learn computer skills and building their own resume. I honestly needed to find a daily companion and furry friend. My first thought was to catch or coax one of the Ferrell cats around town because I would be "giving them a better life". So I thought. ha ha ha But the stray cats around town are pretty happy just eating the field mice and being wild and free. No worries, just play, eat and sleep, I am almost jealous except in winter time. ha ha ha So after weeks of desperately trying to make friends with the Ferrell's I gave up and realized that all I was doing was creating Night Fights from all the food I kept leaving out. The neighbors must have loved that. ha ha ha They did keep all the outside mice away, but funny...I seemed to end up with more mice inside the store. ha ha ha Moving forward I checked online for any cats needing a home and oddly at that time frame there was none? People even tried catching their own farm Ferrell's to no avail. Well I was determined so I planned to go on the weekend to buy one SOMEWHERE lol, didn't know where but I was determined. Saturday morning we planned for a Sunday trip to the city. But I was feeling really down so I prayed. I honestly prayed to God and asked for help in sending me a cat that needs the most help. See, Although I want a companion for my sake I also want to return the favor to my friend, I want to be doing something good. 2 hours later I was cleaning up some things in the shed and my husband says "I think there is something behind the quad" Sure as shit there was a kitten! So we ran and told my daughter to grab a can of tuna and after a few attempts I was able to quickly grab her scruff and pull her into my scarf. She fought hard but only for a few seconds, then she tucked her head into my hair and didn't move. I walked around with her for a bit and she seemed to like it. Eventually I set her on my bed and she just stared at all of us like she was in shock. Pretty sure she was freaking out. ha ha ha Her eyes were full of gunk, she was so badly filled with worms and she pooped all over my bedroom, my bed, but I could care less. Funny story - she even gave me worms which is very rare! The first night she was so afraid that she would only lay on the window sill. Shorty was so stunted and small that we called her shorty. Also because her tail was the smallest tail we had ever seen. While she was going from the window to the liter box and back up to the window sill, her litter was getting stuck to her feet and a small amount kept dropping into my bedside drinking glass. Lets not get into details, but I drank a lot of water that night. ha ha ha - I still laugh at this cause she was worth it. It took a long time to get her back to health, we thought she was dead a few times when she would not move for hours. We eventually got her fixed and with consistent food she began to grow :) and although small she is one tough kitty. I had her on a leash when we would go for walks, camping or to work. But eventually I just felt like she missed the wild. When we were camping it poured rain one year so bad, but she did not want to leave the brush beside the fire and I realized she was hunting mice! She would be soaking wet and I would try to take her inside with me but she would get so mad, growl and kick her back paws on me. So in return for her friendship I sat in the rain with her for hours so she could listen to the wilderness and hunt mice. She even caught one that year but her excitement caused her to lose it and it ran away. She would stand on her back feet and sway her head like a crazy person filled with glee, she looked like a playful bear. Shorty would finally want to go to bed around 11 pm, but at the crack of dawn she would be sitting on her leash staring at me and using her "mind powers" to wake me up. She is very polite and tries not to disturb me while I sleep. So sweet. I decided that if I truly love her I would have to let her have her own freedom and if she loved me too, she would return home. At first when I took her off her leash, Shorty would stay with me as I gardened or worked in the yard. But eventually she left the yard for a day and night. But she returned and before the incident she would come and go on the hour. Shorty could be dead asleep on the piano ( her favorite spot) and she would know if another cat stepped on her property. So would we, because all of a sudden she would run upstairs to the bedroom windows, then down to the basement windows. Sometimes she would "Scobie Doo" around the corners then race to be let out the back door. All the neighborhood cats are free out here and go as they please. They are also bigger than her! But she puff's up, spits and kicks her back feet like she is the toughest little girl in the world. Climbing is her favorite and she always has to show me. She will run up the tree and if I am not watching her Shorty meows at me and scratches harder on the tree. She loves to run and show off how fast she is, her favorite game with my daughters is what we call "the chase game" That's where the kids will get a foot from her and she will run to the other side of the yard and lay down. Then she rolls and shows her tummy, so the girls walk up to pet her and when they are a foot from her she runs back to the other side. She loves it. Shorty does not cuddle, wont let strangers touch her and only comes to me "Mom" Now the sad part - We rescued a Pitbull and have spent month retraining her as she was abused and left to freeze in the cold. Her name is Calypso. She cowers to many things and we thought we were getting her back to normal. Her prey drive was bad, but the cat and her were beginning to play and we began lowering our guard. I never left them in a room alone together, I still always supervised just encase. But 2 weeks ago I was in court awaiting a verdict on a local exploitation of a minor case. The judge called guilty, we cried with relief and became overwhelmed as it had been a year long uncertain battle. By the system prevailed! AS we celebrated on the way home I got a call from my daughter, the dog had got upstairs and the cat was bleeding. I tried to keep my daughter calm and a Neighbour ran to my house to see how bad it was. When I got there, the floor had a trail of blood and a pool of blood behind the couch. But it is not the dogs fault, she is a sweet sweet dog that just wants to be loved. The dog took to me the moment we met and her jealousy took her over along with her natural instinct. Just as the cat needs to hunt mice, the dog wants to hunt too. It part of them and I hold no fault to either of them. We called the nearest vet who responded with "we are booked unless you want to just bring her in and put her down?" Yah we hung up on them. Then we called Strathmore Vet and while bawling I explained that I had absolutely no money, I had no idea how to get any money but I would do anything to save her. The vet worked tirelessly through the night and all the next day. Shorty had her tail amputated, and a second time from the damage. Luckily she had enough blood to rebuild and just a fractured radial bone. They tried there best to cast the arm but gave me a 50/50 chance of keeping it. The last two weeks of healing, Shorty has been such a trooper. We have been trapped in my room since but I think she knows its only so she can heal. I have not gone to work or left her side. I thought she was getting depressed the last few days but yesterday we found out its pain, from the second bone finally giving out. Shorty deserves to keep her leg and she deserves proper care. The feeling of not being able to provide this to her is horrible. I cant even afford the amputation. With amputation I wonder if I will ever let her back outside? There is 2 jerks on our street that always speed and with her only having 3 legs I would be too worried that someone would run her over. Most people in our town will actually stop and let a cat cross the road, we are always watching for children and the speed is basically 30 klm/hr over the entire hamlet or Carseland. This is my last resort. I have tried to phone Pet Card to get approve for a pet loan but I don't make enough. I actually don't make anything since covid and have been operating my print shop at a loss for 6 months. My customers have been hit hard, they don't have the money to pay anymore. Its not their fault and I have stayed close with all my clients because I truly understand what they are going through. I tried selling all my game consoles i have collected since I was 12, that didn't pan out. The stress of everything gave me shingles, so I have 4 bags of bottles to take in and I am now better so I can actually take them in, but that's not going to help her today. So I am here asking for help because Shorty deserves better and I am okay with putting myself out there for her. She really deserves a chance to keep her freedom and live the happy life she had before. Thank you so much for reading, sharing or considering helping my little girl. My love to you all Jennifer

#https://www.gofundme.com/f/shorty-sam-leg-surgery

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armybratjames · 4 years

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• James Murphy • Rudy Pankow • 22 • Kingscrest Knight • works at Buck’s Cinema • heterosexual/heteromantic • Birthday: August 10 •

tw: parental death, alcohol abuse, abuse

Then:

Until he was thirteen, the most James ever heard from his father was the occasional post card, and his yearly Christmas visits. Jim grew up near Newry in Ireland, in County Armagh with his mum. He understood that his father had to travel a lot for work, as he was an American soldier, but in the still moments that he was alone, James couldn’t help feel the abandonment. He threw himself into sports to avoid the silence; any time of day he could be found playing footie with his friends, sparring with sticks as swords, or playing rugby on the school pitch. But at thirteen, his mum fell sick, and the two of them moved to Kauai where his father was stationed. There was a whole other sense of loss at that, leaving behind his home and friends, and James took up surfing. He became a regular beach bum, and spent most of his days by the shore. He lived and would die for his friends, which often got him in trouble at home, and with local authority.

One night, while at a party, James got the phone call that his mom had gone into the hospital. By the time he found a friend that was sober enough to drive him there, it was too late. He arrived at the waiting room to find his father crumpled forward in a chair. James was seventeen at the time. He and his dad brought Brigid’s ashes back to Ireland so she could be buried in the family plot, and while he was there, James decided that he wanted to stay. He told his father after the wake, but Rodney wouldn’t have it. It was during this argument that his father informed him that he’d been stationed in Colorado, and that he’d have to start all over again. Determined to stay with his aunt in Armagh, Jamie packed his rucksack with the few outfits he had brought, and headed out to leave. This was the first time his dad struck him, and would be far from the last.

When he first arrived in Kingscrest, James was determined to hate it. He kept mostly to himself, rejecting any attempts at friendship from his peers. He wasn’t planning on being there long anyway, why get close to anyone?; he’d leave in a year and never look back.

It wasn’t until his gym teacher heard of his surfing past, and encouraged James to take up snowboarding that changed things. When Murphy fell in love with that, and revealed that he actually quite missed sports in general, his gym teacher suggested he try out for one of the school teams. After forming friendships with his teammates, and found an outlet for his pent up anger and angst, the grand ideas of leaving town after he turned eighteen all but melted away.

Now:

James still lives at home despite his father’s explosive temper. Ever since his dad retired, every night that Jamie is at home tends to end up in a fist fight with a drunken version of his father. Generally, instead of being home while his dad is conscious, James spends most of his time in the town and with friends. He doesn’t really understand the whole rivalry between the Knights and the Swans, other than the mild annoyance they can cause when his team wants to use the rink, and is usually good natured around them, other than the occasional teasing.

Headcanons:

his accent gets heavier when he’s flirting with a girl he fancies

does long stand up comedy from memory

won’t really fight for himself, but if anyone messes with his friends, he’s the first one to throw a punch

likes to sit around in West Vale and speculate to himself about the tourists walking by

wants very badly to move out of his house, but worries his dad will drink himself to death if he does

will do anything anyone says if they dare him to

never makes his bed/room is a mess of clothes, sports equipment, and comics

terrible at math, and always, always uses a calculator when checking people out at the cinema

doesn’t talk about home life, or about how his mother died. very reserved in that sense; doesn’t open up about anything too much

pushes feelings down and deflects, often throwing himself into snowboarding or hockey practice to block out thoughts

jumps before looking type

thinks he’s an amazing cook, but basically only knows how to make pasta and grill burger

can drink anyone under the table (he told me to add that but idk if that’s true or if he’s just trying to show off)

more to come...

Personality:

+ kind, dedicated, humorous, creative

- careless, hot tempered, self deprecating

ooc:

hi! i’m mary and i don’t know what i’m doing 92% of the time!!

‘fun’ facts:

i have a lot of family in ireland and basically put that into james’ character bc i miss them and want to go back nearly every day

i have a mustachioed cat that i probably could not live without

tumblr roleplaying is where i met my very best friend in the world and will fight anyone that says online friendships aren’t real

all of my characters share my birthday which is super cool of them bc i have a terrible memory

i know next to nil about hockey but tg for google, right?

peter pan is my favorite story although he is not my favorite character (is he really anyone’s?)

i’m a christian and i gotta tell ya: canon jesus is better than fanon jesus

i love hiking, disney movie maratons, wine, drawing, and hoodies

i nanny for a family with six kids, so i can be a bit scatterbrained pls don’t hate me for it

i almost added three separate bullet points: one for movies, one for shows, and one for musical artists that i like but this is all extra enough

#this is all i have so far but i'm sure i'll add to it over time!#lmk if you think your character(s) would be friends with him and let's plot?#pls?#glad to be here!!#also some ooc stuff at the end!#bio #about #ooc #i need to edit his bio but here's the gist

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rustbeltjessie · 4 years

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Five years ago, I began putting a book together—a collection of my writings themed around punk music/punk subculture. They were all written between ‘99 and 2014, and had previously appeared in my own zines that had since gone out of print, or other zines or online magazines that had gone out of print/gone dark; style-wise, they ran the gamut from CNF to lyric essay to music criticism. I decided to crowdfund and self-publish the book, but at that point I didn’t really know what I was doing in regards to either crowdfunding or publishing full books. The book was almost ready to go but the artist I’d commissioned never finished the cover art, and my crowdfunding campaign hadn’t been entirely successful, and I wound up not having enough money to publish it.

About a year after I realized I couldn’t do it the way I’d initially planned, the book was picked up by a small press. My plan was to buy enough author copies to fulfill the initial crowdfunded preorders, and hopefully sell even more than that. With the help of an editor, I partially rewrote some older pieces and wrote some new ones to flesh it out a bit more. They found someone to do the cover and interior art, and put up a preorder page; I got blurbs from some of my favorite writers. It was all basically ready to go. But shit happened, and the press folded, and the book was once again dead in the water. (I’m not naming the press here, because my intention here is not to call anyone out. The people involved in all that are friends of mine, and as a small press owner myself I understand that shit happens. The saddest part about that whole thing is that I don’t get to use the cover and interior art we had, because it was amazing.)

I’ve recently realized that I need to get the book out in some way, because I need to put it behind me. For one thing, I feel badly that the people who crowdfunded or preordered never received anything. For another, I just need to move on, and I can’t fully move on until I get it out into the world. So I’ve decided to self-release it. For right now, I’m only making a digital version. I know, I know, print is way better, but I don’t have the funds to print it right now, and I’m certainly not going to ask people to pre-pay for it a third time. I’ve redone it somewhat—took out some of the weaker pieces, added in some others I’ve written in the past three years—and I’ve used my own artwork for the interior and done the cover in a zine-y/Xerox art style. I’ve uploaded it to Payhip, for a sliding-scale, pay-what-you-want price. This way, people who already paid for it (or just can’t afford it otherwise) can download it for free, and other people who can/want to throw a few $$ my way can do that. Most importantly: finally, finally, five years later, What We Talk About When We Talk About Punk will be released unto the world. — Here’s what some rad people had to say about WWTAWWTAP in its original incarnation: Love letters to way-too-late whiskey-drunk nights, stolen hearts and stolen kisses, small- town parking lots and bad decisions and even badder girls, WWTAWWTAP is a gritty and gorgeous series of riffs on living and loving punk. Like your very first show all over again, it'll set your blood on fire. —Sarah McCarry, author of the Metamorphoses trilogy and editor/publisher of the Guillotine series What We Talk About When We Talk about Punk distills wild nights of loud music, cheap whisky, and fugitive romance into a pure tonic. Jessie Lynn McMains’s voice is as indelible as a stick-and-poke tattoo and her autobiographical stories vividly capture the highs and lows of punk-rock youth. Pull on your leather jacket, grab a bottle of something, climb up onto the roof, and read this book. —Jeff Miller, author of Ghost Pine: All Stories True Wearing music like a jacket, that’s one of the things Jessie says about herself in these pages. I find that very admirable and inspiring. It gives a wonderful perspective to not only observe oneself in the moment, and in the past, but to feel the effect of that topic of study and passion on you, pressed against your skin. Jessie’s very subjective approach succeeds, and doesn’t fall into, impenetrable in-crowd self absorption, because she is smart enough to allow an adequate amount of objectivity and analysis to let her audience vibrantly see and feel her own experiences as if we are there with her. Music is a good reference point because lyrics, rhythm, and melody hit deep beyond the intellect into the emotions. You can always put on a CD, or vinyl record, or cassette and be transported to other places and times. These personal essays did this very thing to me, like listening to music. She becomes the jacket that we put on as we hear the lyricism of her stories. We are always with Jessie in her writings. The hyper-awareness that she uses to capture her memories to be pondered again and again, as we read on, immersing ourselves in her writing, is crucial. We are reading something that is alive and learning it’s own lessons. We can picture her being transformed by her own documenting of her experiences, becoming a complex being, a well informed member of humankind. She is infused with the playfulness and philosophy found in music and she demonstrates the frightening willingness to view oneself through a microscope. I find this fascinating. Therefore, because of this heart-on-her-sleeve writing style, when we allow ourselves to engage with her words on the page, to be as vulnerable as she has allowed herself to be, we too are transformed. Her words have gone from jacket to skin. We are there feeling her sexually charged reaction to Rock and Roll. We experience the sensual allure of the human body. With her we dive head first into decadence, decay, nostalgia, and hope. Her bouts of loneliness and need for community are palpable. We are bruised by the violence, the drugs, the suffering. We are stifled and also warmed by the dying and the regenerating of a constantly changing musical style. We witness the passing of friends and idols. We share in her understanding of what it means to be an outcast, and more specifically, how it feels to be a female outcast, to be a mother and a rebel. Through the willingness to wear this book like a jacket, like a skin, we not only see who Jessie is but we learn about the daily life behind the music, of people, inspired by their own creativity and the creativity of others, trying to simply be, to live a life worth living. This isn’t just a collection of diary entries, a memoir, it is an opportunity to look at oneself. Why are you a punk? Or perhaps even more importantly, why aren’t you a punk? —John “Jughead” Pierson, podcaster (“Jughead’s Basement”), musician (Even in Blackouts, founding member of Screeching Weasel), author Jessie Lynn McMains weaves the threads of her own life with a typewriter ribbon on a loom fashioned from melted records and empty 40's. The end result is fascinating, an ultrapersonal look at a life shaped by punk, forged by punk, fired by punk. What We Talk About When We Talk About Punk has music at its core and surrounding it on all sides, but its main muscle is the reaction to that, the response. Thoughts thought while listening to a perfect mixtape that takes you far away from the blah street you've found yourself living on (and a secret peek at the science behind that perfect tape), the thrill when a cute girl comes into your crappy job and gets why the 1" button on your jacket is so important. Notes scrawled on diner napkins and on the back of show flyers, now compiled into book form! —Ocean Capewell, author of The Most Beautiful Rot and High On Burning Photographs zine At 16 I cut my hair with a razor and dyed it black, looking at my reflection in the mirror that night I was convinced I was the spit of Richard Hell. When I think back through my own punk history, the bands, the friendships and the crushes; the obsessions that took over my life, led me to zines and the community I was desperately searching for, I can see with perfect clarity how I arrived at this point. As an adult woman these things are intrinsic parts of me. And that’s what Jessie’s writing does, it kicks you in the gut then hands you a cold beer. She knows. Jessie is the real deal; she is the girl Cometbus, one of the great zinesters of our time. If you want me, I’ll be in my room listening to my tapes. —Cherry Styles, writer, editor/publisher of The Chapess — You can download it here. Then listen to the official soundtrack here. (Pretend it’s on a tape, okay?) xoxo, the writer formerly known as Jessica Disobedience

#what we talk about when we talk about punk #jessie lynn mcmains #ebooks #punk #indie lit #writers on tumblr

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miikiiiiiiiiii · 4 years

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Review: Log Horizon

I recently got interested in checking out Log Horizon, after it being out for quite a long period of time. (I know I’m pretty late to the party, being almost 6 years since the first season) I wasn’t interested in it when it first came out because I wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of isekai back then, and to be honest even now.

Well to my surprise, I enjoyed this show more than I had expected going in, and even craved for more episodes to watch. (Season 3 is coming out this year!)

If a person like me can love this show, you might also get sucked into the world of Log Horizon. You never know before you try it, amirite?

Perspectives and Moods

So I strongly believe that a person’s perspective and the state on mind highly affects the enjoyment of a certain show. I’m sure that there are many viewers like me that were turned off initially by this gem of a show because we all thought it was a copy of a more popular anime at that time, Sword Art Online. Or maybe you were intimidated by all the unknown game logic and lingo mentioned in the anime.

Thanks to one of my friends who was an avid player of MMORPGs getting me interested in the game genre and the mechanics and basics of an MMORPG, I greatly enjoyed this show and understood most of what the show was trying to portray with getting stuck in an MMOPRG and making use of the loopholes in the rules of the game.

Overall, this show hit all the right notes at the right time for me and ended up being a pretty cracky watch. I was actually quite sad to know that I would have to wait just a bit longer for Season 3 to come. (Oh well, what can we do about that?)

Stuff I liked

1. The ever-growing Log Horizon ensemble cast.

I loved how the show takes its time introducing us to the characters that are central and important to the story going forward. There is the main male lead, Shiroe, the guy awkward at social interactions but is also a brilliant strategist, Naotsugu, the enthusiastic and happy-go-lucky guy, as well as Akatsuki, the stoic and silent assassin but having a pretty cute personality. There are more, but will only list them in the spoilery parts of this review. These three characters are the first few characters to be introduced in the show and immediately you see how they work well with each other. On paper, their personalities are so different that you would expect conflicts left and right, but the show makes it clear from the start that they would form a bond so strong that nothing can ever break it.

SPOILER WARNING

As early as the second episode, you can see how Naotsugu and Akatsuki, despite only meeting for the first time recently, have fallen into this friendly banter, despite it being quite lewd with Naotsugu being a pervert and Akatsuki being very peeved about it. Somehow this banter doesn’t feel forced like in other shows I’ve watched and comes quite naturally. I also like how Shiroe, who was introduced as the socially awkward one, being the one to become the bridge that starts this friendship.

END OF SPOILER

There are so many characters worth mentioning, but if I do list them all with what I loved about them, this review will be crazy long. The characters all have chemistry and none of them feel like a caricature, despite being characters in an anime. I have to say, nicely done.

2. Shiroe

Shiroe is introduced at the start of the story being socially awkward, kinda like a lone wolf. He doesn’t want any association to any guild and the one time he was associated to a group, it wasn’t even a guild. Right from the start the anime shows you how strong he is, being level 90 and having friends that are ALSO level 90, such as Naotsugu, Akatsuki, Marielle, Henrietta (I think? I might be remembering this wrongly) The anime also implies that he is quite well known in the MMORPG world of Elder Tale.

He also starts to make connections and learn more about the world of Elder Tale that he might not have known before and makes use of the knowledge he has learnt to make this new world that they are trapped in liveable.

More that that though, as the anime progresses, you get to see his growth and deepen his friendships with his friends. There is nothing too devastating that happens in Log Horizon, but the setbacks that the main cast do face alongside Shiroe does make him mature and come out the other side a better person.

SPOILER WARNING

One of the events that stuck out to me is how he realised that inventing new magic in the world of Elder Tale is possible by observing how Nyanta is able to cook food that tastes good. He then proceeds to use that knowledge to his advantage and invents new magic that only he could perform at that point in time, contracts. I felt that this shows how smart Shiroe is in making connections that others may not have made, and how he gathers his information by observation.

I also liked the dorky side of Shiroe, especially his love for curry. He may seem like the stoic one in his friendship with Naotsugu, but deep down both of them are equally dorky and thus causes both of them to connect so well.

I thoroughly enjoyed watching his growth as well, from a guy who was a lone wolf and wanted nothing to do with guilds, to becoming a guy who STARTS his own guild. I also liked how even though he was slowly opening up to his friends that he doesn’t immediately become like an open book. He is still quite guarded, as shown by how he didn’t want to let them know his plan when he left Akihabara with Naotsugu to get the finances needed for the maintenance of the town. It is only after losing the raid and realising that he needs to learn to open up and trust in his friends more that he finally opens up and informs them about his motives. This growth feel quite organic and believable, making Shiroe seem more human. I hafta say, I really liked this aspect of the show.

END OF SPOILER

3. Akatsuki

At the start, Akatsuki was quite bland. I thought she was going to be the stereotypical loli girl that is exceptionally good at what she does and becomes peeved when people mistake them for being a young child. To my surprise as the show went on, she quickly rose the ranks of my favourite characters in Log Horizon and stayed at second place until the end of Season 2. (Number 1 is Shiroe, so being number 2 is a pretty good feat!)

Her character got more focus and development in Season 2 compared to Season 1, and although I wish she could have more development in Season 1, I’m actually happy with where she ended up and how she grew and matured until the end of Season 2.

SPOILER WARNING

Right from the first episode, you learn that her avatar in Elder Tale was a tall and lean muscular man. Even though it is a minor detail, I liked how it was subtle foreshadowing for the insecurities she had in real life about her appearance. The constant gags of people calling her ‘shrimp’ were played for comedy but also foreshadowed the insecurity she has about her stature.

In Season 2, we learn that she has low self esteem and felt like she needed to be good at what she does to remain by Shiroe’s side. Because of this insecurity, she also didn’t make any effort to make connections with the other members of the guild and withdrew deeper into her shell.

It is only when she dies and fights the serial killer that she realises that the reason why Shiroe didn’t take her along for the raid was not because she was a burden, but that Shiroe relied on her to take care of the princess. She also regains her confidence and also comes to a realisation that her short stature isn’t a disadvantage, but a unique trait that she has. She starts to open up about her insecurities to the other members and made their bond even stronger.

Although many shows and anime do discuss the theme of self confidence and self love, I like how it never became preachy and instead showed a natural growth in Akatsuki to demonstrate this point. This not only made Akatsuki seem more relatable, but also makes this message more memorable for viewers.

END OF SPOILER

What can I say, I love characters that feel human and relatable.

4. Character moments

I can’t list all of them, or else this post will become WAY too long. So I’m going to list some of my favourites. Of course, SPOILERS INCOMING.

The overall bromance between Naotsugu and Shiroe. A good bromance is always a nice breath of fresh air, in my opinion.

When the mini training camp squad realises that Rundelhaus is actually a Person from the Land and will not revive when he died like the rest of them. I cried so hard there were no more tears to be cried.

The blossoming romance between Marielle and Naotsugu, with their daily 9pm telepathic talks when Naotsugu went on the raid.

The friendship that is coming to be between Krusty and Raynessia. You have no idea how sad I was when Krusty disappeared!

The way how Isuzu held Rundelhaus’s hand when he was going to sign the contract to become an adventurer because he was too weak to do so by himself. Also the fact that he is laying in her lap… I was crying because he was dying but also excited simultaneously because they are so cute! Okay, my fangirling may have gone too far.

When Rundelhaus was so happy to become an adventurer simply because he wants to help others in need, and not for glory or the immortality. He’s such a cutie pie.

Demikas starting out as a pretty shitty guy, bullying the NPCs to becoming a valuable player in the raid. Also his wife, who’s a Person from the Land, being able to subdue him and calm him down.

Also Nyanta. Is there more to be said? He’s so cool~

Moving on!

5. Game mechanics and the mystery elements

I admit, I’m a noob when it comes to MMOPRGs. I do know the basics, but nothing more than that. I’m more of a singleplayer RPG, visual novel kinda person.

The show explains the game mechanics in very simple terms and even a non MMOPRG player like myself could understand the logic. Shiroe alsomanages to find the loopholes and slowly become stronger because of that. Unlike some protagonists that are strong simply because.

The mystery element of the show and how the players got stuck into the world of Elder Tale is also very compelling. The players slowly learn more about this new reality that they are stuck in and learns that the world may be more different than when they were playing the game. This makes the question of ‘how did they get stuck in the game’ and ‘who caused them to get stuck in the game’ become a mystery that needs solving, and not just a plot device used.

Log Horizon is quite clever, much more than I had expected going into the anime.

Stuff I didn’t like

Honestly, I had to REALLY nitpick at this section. There were so many things to love about this show. SPOILER WARNING!

The anime starts off quite abruptly. Without any context whatsoever, you see Shiroe waking up in the world inside a game. He ponders his situation for a bit before realising he can contact Naotsugu. He meets up with Naotsugu and talks to him familiarly.

Even though you know there is backstory regarding them both, you can’t help but feel as if you were missing certain pieces to the puzzle. It’s almost like someone asking you how a puzzle looks like without even you having the pieces to the said puzzle. The pieces do come as the story progresses, however, so this feeling of abruptness doesn’t last long.

The final verdict

Full of action, and lots of nice character moments. Game mechanics are explained simply for noobs to MMOPRG player and can be enjoyed by anyone. Highly reccomended!

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thatscalledtoughlove · 4 years

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Didn’t Want to Fall in Love - 4: The Wandering Traveler

The final class on Friday afternoon left me in desperate need of a drink. Unfortunately, Tony had arranged for another date with a girl he’d met on one of his several dating apps, leaving me without a ride. I considered asking Justin if he wanted to accompany me to a fancier restaurant for dinner but realized that after what I’d done to him the week before, it would seem too much like a date and might give him the wrong idea.

And so, I decided to take the ten-minute walk from my college campus to the pub I’d gone to with Paul on our first date. A sign hung right above the door, made of dark oak wood. The Wandering Traveler, a building older than my great grandparents with the furniture inside helping to prove this fact. Underneath the name of the place it said it’d been established in 1896. At least the food itself had been modified over the years.

A few heads glanced up when I walked in, immediately looking back down at the drinks in their hands once they saw a young woman with a scowl. I’d mastered the expression during my teenage years, learning quickly that people tended to leave me alone if I looked angry at all times.

After I’d ordered a simple rum and coke, I took a seat at the end of the bar, checking my phone for messages I knew wouldn’t be there. To my surprise, I had one from Justin and two from Tony.

Justin asked if I wanted to meet up for lunch on Monday between classes, while Tony promised to be home before midnight. He’d finished class by two, giving him just enough time to go home and get ready for his dinner date at six. I’d been at the school until ten to six and hadn’t noticed his texts until thirty-five minutes after they’d been sent.

I messaged back that he didn’t have to worry about me and joined the other patrons of the bar in staring into my glass.

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” The voice took me by surprise, nearly making me spill my drink.

A familiar face smiled back when I looked up, the warm brown eyes one of the only pleasant memories from my date on Monday. “Yeah, go for it,” I said, downing the rest of my drink. I winced at the burn of alcohol at the bottom. I’d learned over the years that very few people drank because they enjoyed the taste.

“Hey, you’re the woman from the other night, aren’t you? You had a date with the guy who basically told me to screw off.” He smiled when I looked at him, shrugging his coat off and setting it on the stool to his right. I felt terrible when I realized I’d forgotten the waiter’s name.

It took a lot of effort to even smile. “Yep, that’s me.” When he continued to stare, I realized he must be waiting for me to introduce myself properly. I turned my whole body to face him and extended a hand. “I’m Izzy. You’re Zeke, right?”

He laughed, taking my hand. Once we let go, he shook his head. “No, but you were close. It’s Zachariah. Zack for short. It’s nice to have a real talk with you, Izzy.”

“Shit, I’m sorry. Names have never been my strongest skill. So, what’s your story, Zack? What brings you to The Wandering Traveler if you don’t have work?”

“I don’t really know anyone here, so I tend to spend most of my spare time checking out different parts of the city. All my family and friends are up north.” He motioned for the bar tender and ordered another rum and coke for me and one for himself. “What about you? Was that guy from the other night your boyfriend?”

I nearly choked on my drink laughing. “Paul? No way. He was a one-time deal. My best friend is out on a date and I had a long day, so the most logical thing to do is get a drink.”

We lapsed into silence for a few minutes. My phone received a message halfway through the silence, but I chose to ignore it. If Tony had something important to tell me, he would call. And Justin always took hours to answer, so he could wait.

Although I had no desire to speak at the moment, I figured it might be interesting to learn more about this waiter who sat beside me sipping on his drink. Neither of us seemed good at making friends. Maybe we could build a friendship on that unfortunate similarity.

“Does that mean you’re from Canada?” I asked, keeping my eyes trained on my glass. It was the second of many more drinks to come.

Zack cleared his throat, seemingly surprised that I wanted to continue the conversation. “Sure am. I moved here just a few months ago. I had a hard time trying to find a job, so I was lucky enough to see the hiring sign outside two weeks ago.”

I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “You moved here before securing a job?”

His face didn’t turn red, despite him looking embarrassed. “I’ve never been one to really think things through before taking action. My older brother says that’s going to be my downfall someday, but then again I’m not the one who moved to an entirely different continent.”

“Sounds like running off to other countries runs in the family.” I had no idea how to react to a stranger telling me about his life. I’d always thought these kinds of encounters only happened in cheesy romance films.

Zack grinned, another laugh slipping out. For some odd reason, my heart picked up speed a bit. I looked away again. The pub would fill up some enough with more people looking to release the stress of the week. Hopefully it didn’t get as busy as I’d seen it on other nights.

“Tell me about yourself, Izzy. I feel we’ve talked about me enough. What’s the story with you and your date from the other night?” He ordered more drinks, and I accepted the next one with a polite smile, thanking him.

“We met on Tinder,” I said, already embarrassed just admitting it. “Which wasn’t my idea. I have my best friend Tony to thank for that one. He pressured me into signing up for online dating.”

More people had come in since we’d started talking, their separate conversations joining ours, the volume of noise in the room steadily increasing. The drinks continued, Zack and I quickly losing track of who bought who the next one. Neither of us seemed to mind.

We stopped mid-conversation again, downing a few more rum and colas before the drinks started to change with every new order. After I’d lost count, he turned back to me, apparently still remembering where the conversation had left off.

“Wait, so are you in college or something? How old are you?” Zack looked better when his hair wasn’t smoothed down with gel. It looked so soft I wanted to reach out and touch it.

I resisted the urge, forcing a nod as another drink appeared in front of me. “I’m in my third year right now. And I’m turning twenty-two in September. What about you? What made you want to move to this boring old city?”

He pushed his glass away, resting his elbow where it had previously been. “I dropped out of university after one term. It just wasn’t for me. And I don’t know, I wanted to experience adventure in a different country, but I didn’t want to go too far away. I’m also turning twenty-two in September. On the eighteenth.”

An obnoxious laugh slipped through my lips and I slammed my hands down on the bar counter. “No way! I’m four days older than you!” We both started to laugh, deciding to move to a table to order some food to balance out the amount of alcohol we’d had.

The food tasted a lot better after I’d had numerous drinks, and I found myself revealing more and more about myself to Zack as the night went on. He didn’t seem to mind, telling me stories about his life back home in Canada.

Apparently, he came from a small town in central Alberta, but had gone to a university in British Columbia, where his family moved when he was sixteen. Just like me, he’d never experienced a real relationship and hadn’t had his first kiss until the summer after he’d dropped out of university, after a brief encounter with a girl at a concert.

I confessed that I’d shared my own first kiss with Tony, and that there had once been a time briefly after that where we considered getting together. A secret no one from our group of friends knew except the two of us. Yet, after not telling another soul for five years, I somehow felt comfortable enough to share it with this man I hardly knew. Or maybe it was just the buzz I felt after over an hour of drinks.

“What is your greatest fear?” Zack asked after downing another drink, his cheeks flushed. “Everyone has one, so you can’t say you don’t.”

It took a minute for me to think about one, after I’d spent so many years telling myself I had nothing to fear anymore. After a long pause, I sat up straight and made eye contact with him. “Love.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Love?”

“Mhhm.”

“How can your greatest fear be love?”

I sighed, slouching in the booth. Even Tony had never heard a real explanation from me why I feared relationships so much. “If I tell you, do you promise you won’t laugh at me?”

Zack pressed one hand to his heart and held the other up, as if taking an oath. “I promise I won’t laugh.”

“Okay, well, I used to think of nothing else besides love. I spent every waking hour reading romance novels or watching movies with the cutest couples. Everywhere I looked, I saw love. Then, one day, I realized that that kind of stuff just doesn’t happen in life. And it crushed me.” I noticed him watching me and suddenly felt too exposed. “That’s it, I guess.” He didn’t need to hear the rest of the story.

“There has to be more to it than that. People don’t just start to fear love for no reason.”

I waved him off, deciding that this would be my last drink before I switched over to water. “Well, it happened to me.”

Zack leaned on the table, his face inches away from mine. I could tell from the glimmer in his eye that he was well on his way to a hangover in the morning, just like me. “Want to know what my biggest fear is?”

Shrugging, I downed the rest of my drink: another rum and coke. The burning had long ago stopped, replaced by a constant warmth that radiated from the inside out. It was the best part about drinking. That buzz I got once I overcame the initial sting.

“I fear not finding love.” I raised an eyebrow and he laughed. He had the kind of laugh that made people around pause. The guffaw that, the moment you heard it, you had to laugh even if you had no idea what was so funny. “I mean, we live in a society where your very identity revolves around relationships. How many friends you have, the number of people you’ve kissed or slept with, we’re nothing without other people.”

The conversation seemed to be headed in a serious direction, but I was so far gone I no longer cared. I sat up straight, resting my elbows on the table and leaning into them. “That, my friend, is bullshit. No one defines us but ourselves. Are you seriously telling me a person is nothing but their relationships?”

“Seems like it to me. Just take a look around at the world today.” He swept his hand out to the tables around us as he said this, nearly knocking his glass off the table.

I laughed, grabbing it and placing it near the wall to my left. “You’re wrong. You are what you love, not who loves you.”

“That’s some real philosophical thinking. Did you learn that in school?” He finished his drink and motioned the server over.

“Nope, it’s from a Fall Out Boy song.” He frowned, turning back to look at me, and I laughed. “It’s a pretty great song. You should look it up. Save Rock And Roll.”

Zack nodded, though I had a feeling he would forget all about this conversation by morning. If either of had another drink, I was certain we would end up on the floor of the pub passed out.

When the server came to our table, I requested two glasses of water, ignoring the protests that came from Zack. He stuck his bottom lip out in a pout when I glanced back at him.

“Why do you fear not finding love?” I asked, taking a sip of water once the two glasses arrived. Tony would not be happy when he discovered what I’d decided to do with my Friday evening.

Speaking of Tony, I hadn’t bothered checking if he’d left any messages on my phone. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind for hours. His date would likely be over by now.

Zack cleared his throat, pushing some of his blond hair out of his face. His eyes almost reminded me of whiskey. The comparison made me laugh, given our current circumstances, and I started to laugh. Several heads turned in our direction.

“How can you not fear being alone forever? My ultimate dream ever since I was a kid was to someday get married and start a family.” He noticed the judgemental look I gave him and frowned again. “Okay, Miss Afraid of Love, what is your ultimate dream?”

“That’s easy.” I set my glass of water down on the table and sat back, crossing my arms over my chest. “I want to own an art gallery. And sell my own artwork in it.”

Now it was my turn to receive a judgemental look. I glared at him, opening my mouth to defend myself, when my phone started to ring. Tony’s name appeared on the screen, accompanied by a picture of him wearing a ‘bad boy’ outfit for Halloween two years earlier.

Without excusing myself from the table, I answered the call, standing and walking a few feet away from where Zack watched with curious eyes. He motioned for the waiter again when he thought I wasn’t watching.

“Hello?” I grimaced when I heard myself speak. “What’s up?”

“Holy shit, Iz, are you drunk?” Judging by the sound in the background, I guessed he had just finished dropping off his date.

Although I knew he couldn’t see me, I shrugged. “Maybe. It’s not big deal, there’s plenty of people around.” My words sounded more slurred the more I tried to think of logical things to say.

“Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”

“I’ll be fine! Zack’s here with me.”

Tony’s car started in the background on his side of the line. “Who’s Zack? Isabelle, tell me where you are right now, before I use the find my friend app or whatever it’s called.”

He wasn’t exaggerating about it. Tony was the type of person to hunt down a friend if he thought they were in trouble or hunt down whoever hurt them if things took a turn for the worse. Especially when it came to me. Not that I blamed him, I had the tendency to get myself into trouble a lot.

“Fine, I’m at The Wandering Traveler.” I could feel a headache starting to form and regretted that last drink. Well, I regretted the last three drinks.

Someone honked a car horn on Tony’s side. “Stay in the pub, I’ll come in to get you. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, Dad.” I started to laugh, thinking about when he called me Mom a few days earlier.

Tony did not find it as humorous.

“I’ll be there in less than ten minutes. Stay put.” And with that, he hung up. I sighed, turning back to the table where Zack still waited.

“Who was that?” he asked, downing another glass of water. The appeal of alcohol seemed to have worn off for us both. “Your best friend?”

I nodded, feeling completely sober for a brief second when I looked through my phone and realized I had six missed texts from Tony. It also happened to be quarter after midnight. I’d been here for six hours.

As promised, Tony showed up a few minutes later, his face set in a scowl. When he saw me, he let out a loud sigh. “Come on, Iz, we’re going home.”

“Why don’t you join us for a bit? Let loose.” I tried to grin, but my temporary giddiness was quickly fading. The thought of curling up in bed seemed great.

“Hey, I remember you!” Zack’s voice rose above the rumble of chatter and everyone turned to him. He flushed red and sunk lower in the booth. “You’re the guy who picked her up the other night. I just wanted to let you know that it was no big deal. Totally my fault for not looking before I stepped onto the road.”

The color drained from Tony’s face and he grabbed me by the arm. “We’re leaving. I think it’s time for you to go to bed.” He said this while looking at Zack.

Resigned to the fact I couldn’t stay any longer, I mumbled bye to Zack and allowed Tony to guide me from the pub. We kept quiet the whole ride home. As we parked outside the apartment, my nerves started, and I glanced at my best friend.

“Sorry.”

He shook his head, turning the car off, turning to look at me. “What’s wrong with you? What would you have done if I hadn’t called? That guy would’ve probably taken you home!”

“Oh, please, Zack’s not like that. He’s a nice guy.” I couldn’t say that with certainty, but my instincts told me it was true.

“Whatever, I don’t want to talk about this right now.” Tony got out of the car, slamming the door so hard it surprised me he didn’t shatter the window. “You know, you can be real dumb sometimes, Izzy.”

I ignored the pain of his comment, having learned after over a decade of friendship that sometimes the best answer was to not answer at all. He would get over it in the morning. Tony wasn’t the kind to hold a grudge.

He left me alone in the living room once we got inside, slipping into his bedroom without a word. I listened for the sound of steady breathing before moving to my own room. After I changed into some comfier clothes, I came back out and headed to the easel in the corner of the room.

An unfinished painting from a week earlier remained. Not trusting myself to complete it in this drunken state, I set it on the floor and grabbed a blank canvas. I had no idea what I wanted to paint, I just knew that the jumble of thoughts in my head had to find some form of escape.

Before I knew it, I’d created a mess of color. The painting was of nothing, but I sat and stared at it for a long time before moving, strangely mesmerized by my drunken creation.

It wasn’t until Tony entered the room at six in the morning to tell me to go to sleep that I realized I’d left my backpack at the pub.

#my writing #original writing #writblr #writers on tumblr #original story #q

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cherra-khunatta · 4 years

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冷戦的な物語 (The Cold War Story)

Nope, this is NOT the exact Cold War that you often hear in history books. This is the Cold War that I have experienced myself, with the person whom I called, my “special someone.”

Allow me to share to you the details... if you peeps do not mind, hehehe (PS: He’s no longer on FB and IG for personal reasons).

Chapter 1: Santa Maria Colegio de Ciudad Quezon

2007 - Many things happened during this time. I was still “in love” with my first serious crush in school, and we barely finished yet first year high school. Also, this was the year that I met “you know who” during the recognition rites practice. Oh, don’t remind me about it since I was in freshman of high school, and that wasn’t the most pleasant experience I had—like I was too busy like having butterflies on the stomach, thinking what I would do to please my crush again.

OO NA, CRUSH darake demo imi ga nai to wakaru yo. Demo sono ato, infatuation ga nakunatta.

Well, nakilala ko lang si “future” crush sa recognition rites practice and whatnot. HEARING HIS NAME means, basically iyung maputing chinitong kulang sa height, pero when his name was mentioned, like I was SHOOKt. HANTAI PALA!!! xD

Pero di ko pa crush iyun. Kayo naman.

At RANDOM pa ako nag-a-add sa Friendster... and sorry to say that includes him.

That year was also the time I really NEED to move on from my first crush. So yeah, nagka-crush ako sa teacher (ALAM NIYO NA IYAN! Charot!), na sorry to say, ‘di ko masyadong nagustuhan ang teaching style (chos!). Well, let me tell you this: That teacher was only some “transitional period” figure so that I could just “move on” from my first crush, who obviously was rejecting me all throughout (dahil nga sa nangyari... and I never thought of transferring schools at the first place, thinking that the alma mater where I regretted studying will eventually change and open up to new ways of thinking).

And so, yeah.

Until during this one episode where... I just saw him alone during I think, recess time? HAHAHA. I was like, I dunno, I just fell for him without even knowing his true identity. I only knew his face and name, and that’s about it. DAKEDO—miryokuteki na kao ha? Chotto... sukoshi heibon nano ha... futsuu na shakai ni yoru to, sore no hou ga tekitou na keiyou da yo.

And so, yeah. Parang ganun na nga.

I asked my batchmate (well, he wasn’t my clubmate that time, so yeah...) who he was. DAFUQ kilala niya pala. Clubmate niya pala. AHAHAHAHA. I guess, it was like it came to my senses that he’s pretty attractive to my taste dahil nerdy, tsaka he takes his academics seriously. Ayun.

And yes, I really WANTED to have this formal meeting with him. Get to know each other kaya ayun. I added him eventually on Yahoo! Messenger, and that’s it. We started chatting.

And mind you mga beh, sobrang KILIG KILIG much ako, without even formally meeting him. Well, kinukulit ko kasi ng bonggang-bongga iyung friend ko na clubmate siya.

OK ok... until it came to my senses na gan’to nga. YES I WILL MEET HIM NA...

That smile from my face is not a joke. I usually greet him and talk small talk with him whenever we meet. Ayun.

LAHAT LAHAT I showed my entire tatemae towards him, and I was introducing him to my friend who’s a batch lower than him pero batch higher sakin. In short, third year level siya. And yes... kasama niya meiwaku niyang kabarkada na sumira ng lahat.

OO... at hindi ko na lang siya babanggitin dahil... I will discuss that later.

So, ayun. ALL OF A SUDDEN everything was gone. Ganun-ganun lang dahil sa nangyari. I was fucking humiliated and embarassed and shit. Ayoko nang pag-usapan and somehow, medyo it left a mark in my life na gan’to. And that time, I wasn’t really in good terms with some of my classmates dahil sorry to say, I was dealing with a lot of demons in my head. Ni hindi man lang talaga in-explain sakin ng maayos ang mental health condition ko (which you know, has emerged ever since before naging uso ang SPEAK OUT re: mental health awareness; well, no offense sa mga may mental health issues).

Somehow, another factor that destroyed our friendship was online games. DOON NA TALAGA nag-start ang Cold War.

And knowing the strict rules of this alma mater? FUCK NO. I won’t explain everything in detail na.

OK so to speak: Hindi na kami friends sa Friendster, at saka di na kami nag-uusap gaano sa YM, and yes, hindi parin kami friends sa Multiply something like that.

So to speak. NO JIDORI. Kahit civilian-wearing day, shit na malagkit, no communication with him. Just pure cold war via away thru social media for petty reasons.

2008 - And yes, he graduated from high school, and I do not have any idea about his college. Well, none of my business tho. The Cold War still continues.

So to speak, HINDI KO SIYA BINATI NUNG TANJOUBI NIYA. KAHIT GUSTONG-GUSTO KO.

Third year high school - So ayun. I met his imouto (LOL), and you know what? Ayun, sneak peek: NAGPAKILALA AKO SA KANYA with my best buddy... you know what I mean?

Hindi ko lang hinalata na kilala ko si kuya niya and shit.

DAFUQ. NAGKA-ALAMAN na during this episode like... putcha inamin ko na lang sa imouto niya na kilala ko siya at may gusto talaga ako sa kanya.

And you see, kahit pumupunta-punta kuya niya just to get her report card, like jusko, BAKIT HINDI KO PA SIYA LAPITAN!? I WAS SHOOKt. Confused me was like, I just want to talk to him, but I can’t. Social distancing lang ang peg, beh? xD

Tuloy parin ang Cold War sa internet. Walang katapusan.

Pero this was at the same time, my best buddy’s movements were kind of far from normal. Iyun din ang factor na may huge impact sa buhay ko... which would determine my future career in the long-run... (lol may pa-ganun ganun pa?).

Si meiwaku na lang talaga... she got the nice things, but on the following year I was LEFT WITH NOTHING! Admins must answer my demands... charot!

2009 - Ayun. Wala paring katapusang Cold War. Pero this time, I parted ways with my best buddy (sorry, wala nang ibang choice eh). AYOKONG mangyari iyun talaga... pero parting ways with him made my fourth year high school the WORST part of my high school life. Kasi tuwing anjan si best buddy, no one will really touch me (me paganun-ganun pa).

But yeah, I have to suck it up.

Gusto ko nang tumakas from that so-called tyrannical high school which has the crappiest quality of education in history. Putang ina talaga. Sorry for the language, but that school has to be accountable for damages (waley charot!).

That was also the time I commented on someone’s post na ganito ang school niya na gumagamit ng gantong language. Well, derogatory pa nga ang term eh (LOL).

COLD WAR PARIN.

2010 - Graduate na ako ng high school (SA WAKAAAAAAS!). Well, the bad memories and sh*t because I think the one responsible for sectioning students INSULTED ME ALL THROUGHOUT, and yeah.

Chapter 2: Pamantasang Taft Avenue

I FINALLY CAME TO HIS SCHOOL. YEE-HAW!

Pero di parin tapos ang laban. Again, the Cold War has re-emerged on what? Formspring! The shittiest website you’ll ever encounter in your entire life.

Somehow, I gained more EMENIES online... because you know that anime and video games are kind of BANNED in our household, but I watch anime secretly through torrent (shhhhh). Nalagyan pa ng VIRUS ang laptop ko dahil gusto ko talagang ma-download iyung mga content na ANIME talaga. And why the F*** did I NOT take up Japanese studies instead, if I love anime? Well, then and again the meiwaku person’s gaslighting and sh*t...

And 2010 was my FUCKING WORST YEAR because sinagad ko pa nga ang college. Bakit di na lang ako nag-gap year and shit? At gini-guilt trip pa nga ako na dapat UST na lang ako dahil ganto. But NO. Wala sanang problema ang UST but look, you want me to experience another part 2 of my high school alma mater? NO WAY, Jose. At talagang gusto ko na talagang mag-civilian clothes because it signifies FREEDOM!

Oh wait—freedom my ass. Wala parin akong bonggang-bonggang freedom dahil I was still continuing to BATTLE MY INNER DEMONS like WTF was I born this way and smth like that... ayun.

Medyo nasa stage talaga ako ng self-deprecation, NO THANKS to my background and whatnot. Everyone had really aristocratic features, and academic achievements and they’re so confident about themselves (TEKA... baka FULL of themselves).

And that’s also the time na parang hindi ko rin feel ang mga magiging kasama ko for the first 2 terms. Sorry to say, but it seems that I did not belong to their league at all.

Parang ganun.

And then again, AYOKO NANG MAG-ELABORATE gaano.

This year was the only year I learned to RISE UP from my mistakes. 2 fucking failures only means that “O AYAN, sa sobrang conceited mo kasi, ba’t di mo kaya babaan pride mo?”

Di mo masisi, turbulent masyado ang high school life ko. Meganon. Chos.

2011 - So yeah, third term of my college life... I decided to cross-enroll because I really do not feel to be with these sorts of people. YES, the elitistas.

YEAH... they only dress nicely and speak English like a person from the soshal high society pero manners ANLAYO... parang alipin race by practice parin pero naka-LV ang mga luka-luka.

KAYA AYOKO NA SILANG MAKITA! Charot!

This year was also the first time I came to Japan. MY DREAM DESTINATION! Pero huwag kayo, naging favorite country ko talaga siya (well sorry to say, na-”brainwash” ako ng mga libtard ideas that time, abandoning the conservatism from high school) dahil sa anime pati video games.

Sinabi ko talaga, sana makabalik ako sa Japan. KAHIT European studies ang major ko nun.

And yeah... medyo hindi ko na ma-open mind ko because of this constant fear-mongering from this sort of environment that isn’t really open to new ideas and only cares about snobbery. Kaya siguro mas malapit ang loob ko sa mga hard sciences majors dahil ‘di hamak mas open-minded tsaka conservative in practice talaga sila... and f*** liberals, ya know.

OO, Cold War parin talaga, fren. Di kami nag-uusap at kahit nakikita ko rin siya paminsan-minsan, I just do some sorts of weird stuff and yeah...

2012 - THESIS year. Jusko... heto pa talaga ang pinaka-judgment day sa lahat. Like, ga-graduate pa ba ako, kahit sabihin nating pasaway student ako nun?

Pero, Cold War parin.

2013 - The time I graduated from college. INUNAHAN KO SIYA! BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Pero huwag kayo—medyo rocky road din ang taong ‘to dahil I decided to reconcile with my best buddy and raised the white flag dahil nga siyempre, I tried to forget him but NO WAY... he was a huge part of my life kaya papano ko siya kakalimutan? Diba?

Well, because I fucking missed the graduation ball of my batch. AYOKO sanang pumunta dun for personal reasons... well, may tiket na ako pero gusto ko talagang ibenta. PRAMIS!!!

The result? GAP YEAR from looking for work. Just to attend next year’s grad ball.

After I graduated, I went to South Korea for the 1st time and JAPAN... for ze second time around. First time in Tokyo.

Grabe.

Wala akong masabi.

Dun na siguro nagsimula ang formal Japanese lessons ko.

Pero again, COLD WAR parin.

2014 - YES!!! I attended the grad party... with my high school bestie. Sobrang happy ko nun dahil makakasama ko siya muli. <3

AND...

Pumasok ako sa law school. WELL, LAHAT NG MGA MAHAHALAGANG GAMIT KO, NAWALA SAKIN. F*** those 3 drivers na alipin race by practice! I HEYT DRAHGS!!!

Pero, Cold War parin.

Chapter 3: Travajo, Shigoto, Arbeit

2015 - The time HE graduated from college. Well, I was already studying photography so yeah... and during this year, this is where I had my very first job. Ayun. Meaning to say, new crushes and sh*t, and yeah, meeting new people.

Pero, Cold War parin.

At the same time, meeting new people? Dalawa rin naging crush ko. Pero LABAG sa kalooban ko at pumunta kami ng North America. FUCK... I don’t wanna come back but my parents insisted and sh*t.

Sorry to say, pa-sh*th0l3 na kasi iyung alam niyo na, pinaka-supposedly makapangyarihang bansa sa buong daigdig este hegemon. Gomen nasai to my American friends, but if you knew me closer and deeper, no offense to your country tho!

I was sooooo inggit sa mga taong nakapag-Japan on this year. Haist. Di afford mag-Japan pero afford mag-US? ABNORMAL OI.

Hanggang kapritso’t pabonggahan lang kayo dun eh. And I HATE IT!

Pero 2015 is also the year that I really need to move on from you-know-who. Kasi jusko, dami-daming gwapo diyan! Hindi lang siya!

2016 - WAIT... this is the best year for me... and pretty much the worst. First time kong pumunta ng Kyoto and thought that this is like the Philippines when it’s summer. Tourists weren’t really too many and yeah, move on talaga from that special someone dahil inisip ko one day, mahahanap ko na talaga ang special someone ko. Jusko, daming mas gwapo pa dun anoh! HAHAHAHA.

And my first time to USJ! YEE-HAW!

Bonggang-bongga’t heto na rin ang “moment of truth has finally arrived” and sh*t, at saka PANIBAGONG CRUSH all the way... sa work ko pa nakita at dehins basta-bastang tao iyun! BWAHAHAHAHA at siya pa nga nag-udyok sakin mag-art (BWAHAHAHAHA).

Hindi biro iyan—kung di dahil pinapunta ako sa Craft Mania, malamang I would have NEVER spent my money ng bonggang-bongga sa mga art materials na di ko pa alam gamitin that time. Pabonggahan lang and sorts of stuff (KIDS, don’t try this at home, ha? Learn to save your keep kahit papano)—para lang mag-show off.

2017 - COLD WAR PARIN.

2018 - COLD WAR PARIN.

Pero mind you, this is when the defining point of time I really have to prove myself na worthy akong mag-Japan. NOPE. Not the Japayuki sort of thing dahil... watashi no kao kara suru to, not to brag, but does it seem like... DO I LOOK LIKE A JOKE TO YOU!? Beh, move on na! Hindi na high school itey! Chos!

Pero mind you, this was also the time I un-expectedly PASSED JLPT for the first time. I literally was happy, but still not complacent. Nakukulangan pa ako.

And this is also the time I proved to myself, babalik ako sa Japan to fulfill my childhood dream: Disney Resort sa Japan dahil dun ko talaga gusto eh! Haist talaga, malas ako at dehins ako half-Japanese, you know that feeling of wanting to go to Japan before 2010 because of the cool stuff... pero turns out hindi. Mamaya na.

And after going to Tokyo Disneyland? The next day, we went to unexpectedly the art store that would become my FAVORITE PLACE in the world dahil na-meet ko na ang lalakweng nagpa-tibok ng puso ko. CHAROT!!! Imagine, grabe OPPOSITE niya talaga ang color ng mga Binay, walang gluta pa iyan! Pero likas na gwapo’t magaling pa mag-English (never mind his funny accent LOL). At BAROK pa Nihongo ko nun. As in hazukasii tsukaikata desho! w

Siya ang defining moment ng buong trip ko sa Japan. Dahil siyempre, he has this smile na sobrang sincere at walang pretensions... like he was like that dude whom you want to take for dinner. LOL me paganun-ganun pa.

AT siyempre, back to you-kn0w-who again, tensions are getting relaxed, pero COLD WAR PARIN technically.

2019 - Heto na iyung taong formally pumunta ako ng Japan na walang uwian talaga. Dire-diretso na ang paninirahan ko bilang ryuugakusei. At siyempre, hazukashii parin dahil shit talaga na malagkit, my Japanese wasn’t very very good. Sono kaiwa nouryoku ha zenzen hazukashikatta desho. Maa, mou takusan naratta houga yoroshii yo.

And YES, I went to different places like Kamakura, Yokohama Chinatown, Kobe, Hiroshima, Fukuoka, Nara... shit andami na talaga. Dahil naka-stay ako sa Japan for a year. And my mom often visits me dahil siyempre hitorgurashi ako ditey. And it’s quite depressing ya know—loner, iyung feeling na welcome ka pero di ka parin belong sa society nila. At medyo confused stage parin ako dahil pagod na ako ng bonggang-bongga sa Philippine politics kaya I need a fucking break. But no... things don’t really work that way ya see.

Chapter 4: The moment of truth has finally arrived—tokoro no naka ni ha, Nippon de

And this is one defining moment when wait... like I went to Kobe for the first time around...

Nandito na lang ako sa Japan, at siyempre iyung crush ko na iyun talaga (oi, hindi si opposite skintone ng mga Binay, ok?), I just want to reconcile with him ever since. So, why not again... do something about it?

Remember, wala nang Yahoo Messenger. Wala na ring Friendster. Pati Multiply tigok na rin. At saka wala na ang online games, anoh? DotA na lang tsaka Mobile Legends, pagkaka-alam ko.

And so it happened like this...

He already viewed my IG posts, and that was the time I really had to focus on my studies in the bekka program. Andito na lang ako sa Japan, at saka you know... like the kalungkutan in my eyes show that despite that I love Japan, and I wished to naturalize in the place I consider my second home, parang gusto ko nang i-abandona iyung idea na iyun. Because for one, I am fully aware that Japan is not an immigration-friendly country.

So yeah, because he views my stories on Instagram, I guess this is the time I have to poke him on Facebook?

Oo, sa Messenger ko pa ginawa iyun.

And surprisingly, he sent me a message.

Ayun.

Wait lang ha... ayun.

Nakita ko na talaga na “Sorry sa late reply... ano po iyun? Oh, na-alala nga kita, at sorry sa nagawa ko noon. Sobrang immature ko nun at alam mo na hindi ka deserving sa ganun.”

Umiyak ako. Bonggang-bonggang reconciliation na talaga ang ramdam ko.

Nagpasalamat talaga ako sa kanya, siya iyung dahilan kung bakit nandito ako sa Japan. Shikata ga nai kedo, kung di dahil sa kanya well... I would never be in Japan right now.

Siya parin talaga ang babalikan ko at the end of the day. At hindi ko mai-tatanggi na siya talaga ang inspirasyon ko sa pagpunta ko rito sa Japan bilang ryuugakusei.

2020 - Coronavirus.

Heto na rin ang taon na for good na ang rainichi niya. Totsuzen iyun, hindi iyan ang original plan niya. And his company was already dissolving, so he has to deal with things and stuff before he gets free time.

At takot talaga siya sa coronavirus.

At naka-graduate pa ako. Pasado ko lahat mga subject ko. Pero hindi parin ako kuntento talaga. May kulang pa.

OO, nung panahong iyun sobrang depressed talaga ako. Fuck, all the good and the bad memories in my Japanese university were like, emerging again, just looking at the clothes.

It’s like telling me I really have to go back home.

Kailangan ko nang umuwi ng Pilipinas dahil wala na ako gaanong obligasyon dito sa Japan. Also, whenever I wake up in the morning? I often get depressed, wishing nagtagal lang ako dito sa Japan, pero mukhang hindi talaga para sakin ang Japan, iyan ang ramdam ko.

But I wished so hard, magkita pa kami.

Kotoshi no rokugatsu - Dapat nakauwi na ako ng Pinas nitey. Oo nga, dahil hanggang gantong buwan lang ako andito sa Japan. And I’m stuck in a limbo simply because of that panirang coronavirus.

I cannot admit, I was battling my own demons while I was in school. Like, hindi ko talaga tanggap ang nakaraan ko because I wasted my time being YOLO. Like, ano ba talaga gusto ko paglaki ko?

Fuck, how I wish I planned earlier, but certain factors like political something something was a hindrance. PERO HINDI.

Until I finally decided to meet him.

Lubusin ko na’to. I worked so effing hard just to bring back our friendship. I wanted a closure. I WANTED IT EVER SINCE. Gusto ko na talagang tapusin ‘tong kabanatang maitataguri kong Cold War.

The Cold War that shaped me into a better person, I guess?

June 10 - The day we finally met.

The day when eventually, niyakap ko siya at tinawag ko na sempai.

I finally found the closure I was seeking for.

I noticed, maraming nagbago for sure: First and foremost, inamin niya ring dehins niya gusto masyado ang nangyari sa high school life... and yeah mas enjoy di hamak ang college life, where he learned a lot of stuff.

Sa Japan pa talaga, of all places. I tried other sorts of cultures, if this will fit me, but in the end I simply ended up being in the place I consider my second home, and met my crush there and had the closure I was seeking for: Didn’t expect he would delete some of his social media accounts which sorry to say, parang Fall of the Berlin Wall ang peg.

I was like, I would never expect him to be the person I knew since high school. Kung di ko man lang na-afford makipag-jidori sa kanya o batiin siya sa Meris o sa La Salle...

Kaya siya tinatawag na Cold War.

#Cold War story #original #SMCQC #DLSU #Cold War #Saint Mary's College of Quezon City #De La Salle University #De La Salle University - Manila #DLSU-M #DLSUM #La Salle #An1mo #Marian #Lasallian

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