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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

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Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Whenever I write these it’s always when I have a pile of requests on my desk that I said I was going to get to but never do. I even missed a day yesterday because I crashed and burned and slept the entire day haha. Might miss today too since I’m going out to see my mum.

This is like 90% crack and 10% actual content. I’m gonna post this and proceed to have shock therapy and wipe it from my memory.

I just want to be happy and it’s cold af where I live. I’ve also learned from maagdalen that Russia is insane with snow.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to asoundofdrop. Ty for the love on the Childe HCs hehe. Honestly, just the fact you tag everything blows my mind because I hate tagging so just seeing you do it with my mess of tags (back when I screamed my feelings before tumblr dropped the ban hammer on me) is like wow. That’s some next level effort, wish I had that haha;; I’m just gonna say this in advance, I am so sorry for the mess of tags I’m about to drop on this.

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz

@youaskedfurret @snowy224 @mayumintsu @tigerpriestess

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Xiao

Excuse me? What is this cold you speak of? He’s an adepti he doesn’t know what cold is. Is it a demon he’s not aware of? Should he go beat it into submission if that’ll make you feel better? He’s already gone with his spear and out to go slay this cold demon before you can explain what the hell temperature is.

By the time he’s back, he seems so proud of himself for killing a dragonspine yeti that you don’t have the heart to tell him that was literally not what you wanted or expected him to do. Your fingers are about to break their finger kneecaps. pLEASE sir just hold my hand.

Bad idea, he’s been outside in the cold and he’s not exactly wearing mittens so your fingers end up colder. But you’re finally holding his hand that you suck it up and cry when he does actually break your fingers because he doesn’t know what muscle control is.

Keqing

Ruthless business woman one second and then you show up, tell her you’re cold, and she’s reduced to flustered mother hen. All she has on her are these long sleeves that all Qixing wear. Would you like some warm milk? She knows you like your milk heated to a simmer right at 187.7975 degrees Fahrenheit.

Okay, first off, who measures in fahrenheit anymore this is China Liyue. Second off, how the hell does she know that and why is it so precise? She’s already throwing whatever Liyue duties she had back at the poor worker that has no idea what possessed the normally confident and admirable Keqing into this...creature. Making new plans for a heating system in Liyue while also coddling you.

Catch her outside at 3am pounding the snow ground, crying, as she curses Rex Lapis for making it so cold in Liyue when he’s not even the Cyro archon. Zhongli sneezed while looking over papers burning the 3am oil. Maybe he needs to go home before it gets too cold, he might be getting sick.

Diluc

God you’re such an idiot. Didn’t you see how hard the snow was falling? I can’t believe I married someone with 2 braincells. Are you trying to give me a heart attack? What would father in the sky think if my partner died because of frost bite when I’m a goddamn pyro vision user? I can commit arson to make a make-shift fire place, I have the money for the damages.

Dilu- NO I DON’T NEED YOUR SHIRT. IT’S -20 DEGRESS. IT’S OKAY. YOUR COAT IS ENOUGH. PUT YOUR CLAYMORE AWAY WE CANNOT SET THE KNIGHTS OF FAVONIUS HQ ON FIRE WE AREN’T EVEN NEAR THERE. KAEYA IS INSIDE- DILUC - NO COME BACK.

Your make shift fireplace is Kaeya’s “ugly” scarf. That’s it. That’s the post.

Amber

Oh you’re cold? It’s okay, here take her baron bunny to cuddle with while she lights a fire. She thinks she saw some boar’s in the forest, she can make her specialty and that should warm you right up! So sweet, so wholesome. Don’t worry this baron bunny won’t explode in your face, she tripled checked she wasn’t giving you a dancing bomb.

While you’re huddled around a summoning circle of baron bunny’s, nice and warm, is when she relaxes and joins you. She grins to herself and pats herself on the shoulder. See that haters, she can make her partner nice and happy without your #buffamberwhen.

Kaeya

You’re cold? Maybe you’ve just fallen so hard for him that whenever you think of him you get cold. He never knew you cared so much it’s so cut- okok you can stop hitting him now. He’ll offer his scarf if he had one but Diluc might have burned it but he does have his tit window.

Basically impenetrable, you could bounce bullets off it so naturally the cold bounces off. You have to tell him up front that he sound borderline crazy and the fbi are already at his door. The fbi is Diluc. So instead he offers his overcoat and asks you if you would like to join him in some cozy tavern that hopefully has heating.

It’s a nice and comforting experience until he drags you to Angel share and you know it’s just to 1v1 Diluc in the parking lot.

Scaramouche

lol perish

So naturally, you grab his ridiculous hat that he wears to compensate for his gremlin height and throw it like a frisbee.

Go fetch

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God, why is there no official content of you scaramouche you bitch, you’re ruining the aesthetic. This is why I only give you one point of dialogue. This isn’t even funny. It’s a therapy session. This entire post was just for me to say tit window because I didn’t get to say it in my last Kaeya fic.

Wow, I wonder which characters I like in genshin. Could it be “wow I hate everything and everyone don’t fucking touch me” male characters??? Could it be “Head strong but are secretly adorable” female characters?? Kaeya is only there because Diluc is there.

I had to redo all my headers because everyone was taking up so much space in their 240p quality. Keqing is the only one that actually stepped forward when it was picture day. I don’t have enough energy to care about sizing I’m sorry.

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alldayangst · 3 years

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lovebug (Tom Holland)

GIF is from gaybuckybarnes here on Tumblr. You can access my masterlist here. This was written for @worldoftom’s lolbrosgetsicktoochallenge. The prompt I had was: ‘Tom self diagnoses himself as sick. He’s got all the symptoms. He’s speechless, over the edge and just breathless. He never thought he’d get hit by the ‘love-bug’ again’. Inspired by the song Lovebug by Jonas Brothers!

A/N: Y/N is an assistant director on Cherry in this fic. This has a lot of Cherry (the movie) references but most are explained if you haven’t seen the film. Such as, it was filmed in Cleveland and Morocco, directed by Joe and Anthony Russo. Some scenes in this fic borrow from the movie & I’ve linked clips from the film if you’d like to listen/watch along. WC: 4K.

“Yeah, Mum, I’ve just got like the sorest throat at the moment.” Nikki’s picture cuts in and out on a scrambled screen on the South side of London, her husband’s hand periodically reaching out for her, rubbing her shoulder, then leaving the frame almost as quickly as it came in. Even through the low quality, the pixels dashing about his screen, Tom can make out his mother’s brows knitting together and can’t remove the feeling of utter guilt when he sees her grow redder and redder out of anger, concern and confusion for her son. “But I’ve got Harry here with me.” Harry waves from behind his brother, his trusty mug swapped for a Phoenix Coffee Cup in his spare hand, just to get a taste of the States.

Tom reckons that's why he’s sick. He barely drinks coffee on the other side of the pond, and would bet good money that an at home PG Tips would beat America’s swankiest coffee joint any day. But now, he’s betrayed his usual routine and his body’s all out of whack and his throat is hoarse, he’s breathless even at times.

Harry shoots his mum a half smile to comfort her, but he doesn’t know what it's like to be a mother, and his and Tom’s mouth both form an ‘O’ when Nikki begins to type so hard her screen jolts and Tom swears she’s put a dent in it. “You know what? I’m going to give them a piece of my mind, Tom! They’re overworking you!” Nikki looks intensely to find her baby boy in drug-addled eyes and his jungle of curls on his newly shaven head. She guesses it becomes easier when Tom pushes his face halfway into the screen and pleads like the child he’ll always be to her, “Please, please Mum! I can’t have any days off. Under any circumstances, I need to finish this film!”

Tom turns to his younger brother for help. “Tell her, Harry!”

And as little brothers do best, Harry spills the beans as soon as Tom’s phone is in clutch. “Tom’s fallen in love with the first A.D., Y/N.”

Nikki immediately loses her frown, knowing how love can knock Tom off his feet and blow all the wind out of him. Tom’s father, Dom, re-enters the frame to match Nikki’s grin. He never misses an opportunity to tease. “Oo, caught a case of the love bug, have you?”

Harry has to whip the phone around to dodge Tom’s protesting arms reaching for it again. “Don’t listen to Harry. I’m not in love. I just like Y/N.”

“A lot.” Harry mutters. Tom’s family doesn’t budge any further, knowing how bad Tom was hurt after his last relationship. They weren't sure when the love bug would come back to bite him again. So after they all shared a knowing look, Harry handed Tom his phone back. “I’ll keep you updated. Bye, Mum.”

It all started five weeks ago. Tom, at 24, was beginning to feel like love was trudging up a high hill he couldn’t come down from, where every beat of heart was feeling like an ache on an open wound. Tom had yet to meet a lover to prove distance makes the heart grow fonder, finding himself in six month long entanglements and illusions of love before things inevitably went sour.

He’d say, perhaps, you were the closest thing to the real deal. The problem was, he didn’t know if you liked him back.

“When life was beginning, I saw -”

“When life was-”

“When life was be-fuck!”

“When life was beginning, I saw you.”

Tom could make a picture book out of the day he first met you. He remembers how your hair looked that day, the speckles of genuinity in your eyes, how your ear-to-ear smile seemed to be a mirror because every time he saw you from then on, he brandished the same beam. He recalls how his eyes went low as he dropped his script to his lap and stared at your lips, so soft and kissable, as you repeated his words back to him: “When life was beginning, I saw you.” Then you chuckled softly as Tom waited patiently for his head and his heart to return to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m dyslexic. I have a bit of trouble reading.”

“It’s cool, I'm the first A.D. That’s what I’m here for.”

You rubbed your hands on the back of your trousers, your mic jostling in your back pocket as you attempted to rid yourself of your nervous, sweaty palms.

“I’m Y/N.” You reached out for a shake only for Tom to cough loudly into his own hand.

“Fuck! I’m so sorry! That wasn’t me trying to get out of your handshake. I- I-.” Tom looked at his hand for it had failed him for the first time in his life. His hand that had helped him up during handstands, being his crutch through cartwheels and backflips, but had decidedly run out of luck to be on the receiving end of Tom’s monstrous cough impending a handshake with someone his eyes just couldn’t look away from.

You laugh again. Your laugh sounds like melody, Tom muses. Awestruck, he wishes he could play it again, repeat it like a radio hit and never wash himself of the feeling he got when he heard your laugh for the first time.

“It’s all good. I’ll see you around.” You disappear from his trailer, likely on a venture to your own, when Joe and Anthony block his view of you walking away.

Anthony and Joe take on the ghost of you in Tom’s room, “Tom! The man, the myth and the legend!” Joe comes behind him to rub his newly hairless head. “We’re so glad you agreed to do this movie!”

“Bummed that you’re not coming to the Browns game tonight, though.” Anthony remarks, throwing a football at Joe who sets it in his lap.

“Harry and I, we’re British, mate. We play football with our feet.”

Joe doesn’t know it then, but his next words are the beginning of the end for Tom. He rubs on his football and looks Tom in his eye when he poses, “It’s a shame ‘cause the whole crew’s going. First day of filming celebrations.”

“The whole crew?”

Anthony mumbles an ‘mhm’ as he picks up a framed photo of Tom and RDJ sitting pretty on Tom’s dresser, posing like father and son.

Tom’s usually self assured when he’s on set, but he’s hesitant to say this next improvised line. His voice trails off as he speaks. “Including Y/N?”

“Y/N?” Joe queries, with a smile that’s half scary and half comforting, and the butterflies in Tom’s stomach are begging him not to fuck this up and suddenly every second a word is not spoken feels like hours have passed and he might have ruined things before they’ve even started, gosh he just met you and-

Tom tries to play it cool. “I don’t- they’re cool.” Tom coughs again. “I mean, I don’t really know them but Y/N seems cool I guess.”

Anthony and Joe smile at each other, scrambling to exit. “Whole crew’s going, baby!” Joe beams.

“Please don’t tell Y/N I asked!” Tom shouts before they’re out of earshot.

“Yeah, yeah. Anthony, go long!”

A few hours later, Tom was sitting next to an unamused Harry, you on his left, foam fingers pointing every which way.

“Are you a big football fan?” Tom asked, imposter syndrome creeping up on him. He had the best seats in the house, but knew not a thing about this sport he’d come down to watch. Meanwhile, crew and crowd alike sat themselves around you guys, cheering leaving throats raw for days to come and a tussle for a foam finger between Joe and Anthony leading to hundreds of sugary popcorn shells scattered on the stadium floor.

“I mean, I wouldn’t ever turn down the option to look at Odell Beckham Jr. Are you?” you replied.

Tom looked over to his brother who sat with his chin in his hand, lips pulled into a thin straight line as his rusty curls were blown about from the wind of brown and orange flags flown from fans behind him. “We could learn to love it.” Tom flashed you a toothy grin, unsure of where to guide the conversation next. He knew for sure that he wanted to keep talking to you, but his ego began putting up a fight, eager to show himself off if you’d have him in any way. Tom sighed. “Truth is, we have no fucking clue what’s going on.” Tom could hear the commentary about a player reaching the end zone, but they were all just words that went into one ear then came straight out of the other.

You giggled. “I have no idea either. We could make up our own rules if you want.”

Tom likes the way you think. He also likes the way you speak. He loves the way you laugh.

“You have a beautiful laugh.”

You covered your mouth. “Oh, fuck, I hate my laugh!”

“I’d make you laugh a thousand times if I could.”

You pointed to the jumbo screen as Mayfield made a touchdown, unable to stop laughing from sheer nerves as you felt Tom’s hot, burning haze on you. An advert for Cleveland’s Own Phoenix Coffee flashed on the screen as you spoke. “We’ll make our own rules. Every time we see the quarterback pick up the ball, we’ll cheer.”

By the end of the night, Tom is speechless, breathless and over the edge of his chair in faux excitement and anticipation of the quarterback receiving the ball once again.

“Another coffee?” The service worker asked.

“Yes please!” You and Tom both say in unison, pumped as the quarterback began circling around to collect the ball in open arms.

The footage of the game is cut abruptly as the camera points to a confused, solo Harry; Anthony and Joe are seen at the edge of the frame whispering suggestively and pointing towards Tom, the camera eventually capturing the superstar who looks back up at his own reflection. Poorly green screened hearts flood the screen and the camera pans to include you in the frame too. Tom looks on in horror when he realises what’s going on and how it could be too late, and turns to you.

“I promise I didn’t know this was going on. We don’t have to.” Tom panics.

You hear him loud and clear, that you don’t have to, but your heart and eleven thousand people are telling you to kiss him otherwise. “Oh well. We should just do it.” you murmur, the bright pink ‘KISSCAM’ logo flashing in and out.

It doesn’t take more than a moment for the gap between you and Tom to close, for your face to get lost behind his, his lips pressing against yours, eyes closed, trusting each other to share your air. This was probably the first thing that night worth cheering for, howls and whistles erupting around you.

Tom doesn’t understand American football, but he thinks that the best seats in the house could be anywhere next to you.

Harry’s on the phone to his twin brother, Sam, when you and the rest of the crew make it back to the hotel later on. “-Yeah, and Tom spent half the night with the first A.D. cheering and screaming at fuck all.”

The Cleveland Browns lost that night, but Tom remains none the wiser. He stood in the doorway as Harry continued to relay his day to Sam. “Oh, and Tom, Mum said to give her a call, eavesdropper.” He flicks Tom’s reddening nose before closing the door.

A week and a half later, Tom reckons that's why he’s sick. He never has the time anymore to attend ‘real’ football games back home, and he actually understands the game back in Britain. But now, he’s cheered at almost every given opportunity to impress you stupidly, and his chest and voice is suffering as a consequence.

You and Tom walked onto set with your pinkies intertwined, growing closer and closer by the minute, but Tom doesn’t miss how Ciara’s boyfriend visits set every day for her, doesn’t miss how they rub their nose together in this lovey-dovey affection he wishes he could bestow upon you.

The scene wasn’t working.

The crew was beginning to grow restless and Tom silently became more frustrated as the minutes went by and he was unable to get his lines right. He remembers how a week ago, it felt so easy. You were there to correct him when he stumbled upon his lines and you picked him up so effortlessly, a twinkling smile on your face. But then? Then you were different. Your eyes were scrunched up behind the lens of the camera and you were mumbling something to Anthony about how the sun was due to go down in Ohio soon so you needed to hurry along.

“Alright.” you announced. “Take five!”

And Tom was thankful, Ciara perched upon a swing for the scene they were filming, Tom dwindling the rope of the swing under his finger as her boyfriend approached her once again. “Hey dude, are you okay?”

Ciara looked at Tom with the same concern, hands finding home in her boyfriend’s nest of hair. “Yeah, Tom, are you okay?”

Tom coughed into his hand. “Yeah, guys, I’m good.”

“I think you’re coming down with a nasty cough.” Ciara muttered.

“Yeah. It’s you guys. You’re too cute. You make me sick.” Tom laughed humourlessly for a short while, wanting to be that adorable with someone, maybe not anyone, maybe just with you someday. Then Tom shook his head, a bitter feeling in his throat as he yawned. “It’s the Browns game. I was yelling and screaming every time a quarterback got the ball. Of course I’m a little unwell. I’ll be good as new in a few days though.”

Ciara already knew Tom wasn’t playing a man with the healthiest of habits, but she worried that Tom was getting this bad this early. “Maybe you should talk to the first A.D. about reducing shoot days from five to three?”

Tom didn’t like the prospect of seeing you less. “Yeah.” Harry had a clapperboard between his hands, leading Tom’s eyebrows to furrow as his brother yelled something about it being take 13. “Maybe.”

Harry resumed to a new position in your chair, with you taking Harry’s place right across from Tom, a coffee waiting for him when the scene was over like Harry always did. Ciara’s boyfriend left the frame to watch supportively on the sidelines.

“Lights. Camera. Action!” Anthony called. “Time is money, you guys! Let’s try to get this one right this time.”

They’d been over this already twelve times today.

“Hey, I’m really happy you’re here.”

Ciara read her line back. “Why’s that?”

Tom could hear whispers of the crew, the sound guy glaring at them in case they were picked up in the scene, and he knew it had something to do with the fact that he couldn’t for some reason get the next line out all day. And that reason, unbeknownst to everyone, was because Tom couldn’t say something he didn’t mean - feeling like his heart was locked in a cage for which only you had the key. He looked past his co-star, Ciara, and up at you; feeling so close but you were far away, leaving him all day without anything to say. And overcoming his speechlessness and breathlessness, even in just that moment, he ran his hand over the rope to say, “Cause I like you. A lot.”

Ciara and the rest of the crew broke into a wide smile once Tom finally spoke his next line, but the only person Tom was focused on was you, who wasn’t smiling, but mouthing his words back to him.

Ciara breathed, “Shut up.”

And Tom’s sure to look you in the eye when he says, “I really do.”

When the filming for the day is said and done, Tom makes a beeline for you across the greenery. You hand over his coffee to him, “It’s a little cold now, but a warm hand is holding it.”

Tom quirks an eyebrow. “Are you inviting me to hold your hand?”

“Don’t push your luck.”

“You swapped jobs with Harry, I saw.”

“Yeah, well. It’s good he gets to grips with the job now. You know, in case anything changes.” You pulled your phone out of your pocket. “I should probably give you my number. In case anything changes.”

“Oh no, yeah. Your number is?”

“216-XXX-XXX. Speaking of changes, I heard you’re trying to get your days reduced.”

“You were eavesdropping?” Tom looks at your face that bears no trace of guilt. “You’re just like me!” He pulls you close.

“Tom, if what happened today is because you’re working too much, I’m happy to reduce your time.”

“Nah, nah.” Tom sniffles, rubbing his nose on a jacket probably worth more than your life. “I’m just a bit sick, s’all. I’ll be fine.”

Two weeks pass and Tom’s no better. With the Cleveland game nearly a month ago, Tom has nothing to blame and as first A.D., you’re obligated to reduce his hours. Tom’s on the phone with his mother when you approach his trailer.

“Don’t listen to Harry. I’m not in love. I just like Y/N.”

“A lot. I’ll keep you updated. Bye, Mum.”

You’re so quick to skip happily back to your trailer that you miss Harry calling out to his brother, he’s his protector now that his mother was countries apart. “Tom?” Harry starts.

Tom mumbles an ‘mhm’, hoping Harry would make it quick as he sees you FaceTiming him. If only his mother could see him like this. He’d get to call her tomorrow and tell her he’d called you for the first time yesterday, he could hardly wait to utter, 'I've finally found the missing part of me’. Harry sighs as the FaceTime ringing is relentless. Tom’s eyebrows threaten to meet in the middle of his face as he clutches onto his phone.

“Tom.” Harry begins. “Y/N is giving up assistant director.”

Tom’s really not sure where Harry gets the source of his information from, but he’s sure this isn’t true. He thinks you’d tell him before his brother if you were leaving the film behind, leaving him behind.

The film is due to move filming to Morocco soon, and Tom’s well aware that not all film crew joins them when production moves abroad, but to Tom, you’re an extension of this movie universe. And Tom refuses to leave the memories of you in this filming cycle. “How’d you know?”

“I’m taking over.” Tom’s screen lights up with the glow of your call, and as bright as it is, as bright as you are, as bright as your smile surely is on the other end of the phone call, Tom’s in his deepest darkest feelings wondering how he fooled himself into thinking romance could go right for him this time.

He’s going to Morocco. You’re not. You’re funny, smart, promising, beautiful. You’ll find someone good for you, a better pair by the time he’s back.

“That doesn’t mean it won’t work out, man.” Tom sulks in his bed, the light from your constant calls bleeding through his bed sheets. “I just wanted to warn you.” Tom nods, screaming into his pillow. Harry decides that’s his cue to leave, a glimmer of light from outside seeping through the crack of the door as Harry escorts himself. Tom musters all his might and courage to reluctantly answer your phone, the ear-to-ear grin he knows so well greeting him once again.

Suddenly, he forgot how to speak. Hopeless, breathless, couldn’t you see that?

“Tom?” You call out his name a few times before cutting straight to the point. “Do you like me?”

Tom shifts slightly but not enough to show that he’s alarmed. “Huh? Yeah, I like you.”

He sits up, but doesn’t reciprocate the outrageous smile you wear like a heart on your sleeve. Tom’s eyes are sunken, dark circles forming under his eyes where he and his disturbed character become one. You suddenly remember why you shouldn’t have run away so fast, perhaps Tom was overworking himself. He continues, “But I’m an emotionally unavailable hopeless romantic. So I wouldn’t waste your time on me.”

Tom can’t help the hurt in his heart when he sees your smile drop so suddenly, knowing it was earnest. “Tom, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying, life is unfair. And I’m gonna quit while I’m ahead. We wouldn’t work out. And I like our friendship now. We should stay that way.”

You’re not convincing when you nod rapidly, not letting Tom see your face as you play with your fingers to avoid his gaze. “Yeah, I agree.” You’re much less convincing when the last frame Tom caught of you was a shot of tears dripping down your face, as three rings followed you. Tom’s screen went black in your absence, and Tom falls asleep with eyes even redder from crying, and he wonders when he’s gonna shake this sickness.

It’d been a few days since Tom had got his shots to allow him to go to Morocco. He sat opposite the doctor on set, a coffee cup placed on the desk between him.

Tom reckons that's why he’s sick. Shots always have their side effects, and he’d taken multiple shots in one day. And now, he specifically asked for you to hold his hand during the process, Harry branded in a glinting jaw-drop, only for you to leave directly after.

“I’m speechless, constantly feeling over the edge, breathless.” Tom explains his symptoms to the doctor. “At first I thought it was because of that stupid football game, then all the coffee I’m drinking, now I don’t know if it’s the shots. I feel like shit, doc.”

“I know exactly what you’re dealing with.”

“What?”

“Lovebug.”

Tom stares at the doctor in utter bewilderment. “You figured that out based on my symptoms?”

“I figured that out based on the puppy dog eyes you gave for your first A.D. when they left without a word.” The doctor begins to laugh softly, but Tom is unamused. How is he supposed to shake this illness after completely ruining your relationship? How is he supposed to mend your bond after talking so recklessly, so emotionally? “Tom, I’m not here to be a fairy godmother, I’m being strictly medical. At a certain point, what you feel in your mind affects your body. So I prescribe that you talk to Y/N and say everything you need to say.”

And while that seemed easy enough, Tom’s ego was at work again, and Tom was feeling far too bruised and wounded to speak to you first. Surely if you cared enough, if you liked him back, if you were willing to be distanced, you would reach out first.

It seems Tom’s pride had forgotten that you already did.

“I heard that this is the exact shit that happened in Cleveland, and he couldn’t get the line out.” Tom hears the whisperings from behind the camera, the amount of familiar faces in the crew dwindling after the change in location. He doesn’t respond. He waits for someone to take five. And when no one throws him a bone, he asks Harry to.

“Alright, everyone take five.”

“Someone get this kid a fucking coffee, he’s always on edge.” Joe instructs.

“And you think giving a kid in twenties coffee is taking him off edge?” Anthony chuckles.

Tom doesn’t care whether or not he gets the coffee, rocking side to side. He’s got all the motion for this role, but he feels nothing. All he felt was for you.

“Here.” Harry sets a Moroccan mint tea down next to Tom, hoping it would calm him down. When Tom takes a few sips, the look in his eyes is less pleading, and everyone’s ready to rumble, this being the last scene of the day.

Harry feeds Tom the line. “Baby, are you seeing bad things?” Tom is seeing bad things. A life without love, a life without you. Unable to contain it all, Tom turns his frustration into laughter. “Why are you calling me baby for, man?” Tom has this ear-to-ear grin but even he feels it's not as innocent, as genuine as yours. He never knew a smile so wide could be so full of pain.

“I have an idea.” Harry saunters off to collect his phone. “Don’t stop rolling the cameras.”

When Harry comes back, there’s sounds of shifting erupting from his phone. “Hi, Tom.”

Tom didn’t know it would be so bittersweet to hear your voice again. He wasn’t sure if he should put walls up again or if twice was the charm. Even if you worked out in the short term, whose to say Tom wouldn’t get hurt again? And Tom wouldn’t want to hurt you.

“Are they taking good care of you out there? I don’t think I took good care of you.” Tom doesn’t say anything on the other side of the line, so you continue. “I’m not a good A.D. if you’re always sick and tired, and I didn’t want to see you any less, which was selfish of me, so I didn’t change your schedule.” You sigh as you admit why you left. “When you asked, though, I swear I was gonna do it, but then I heard you liked me, and I got carried away. I had to remove myself from the situation to do what’s best for you. Do you understand me? I did it for you.”

“I, uh, I got a diagnosis.” Tom stumbles.

“Oh my gosh, are you seriously sick?”

“I’m speechless. Over the edge, breathless.” Tom laughed dryly, finally feeling like he can choose an ending.

“What did they say it was?”

“Lovebug.” Harry smiles softly at his brother.

Your laugh is like nectar entering Tom’s ear.

“I might just love you way too much, Y/N.”

“Are you sure you’re doin’ okay?” Tom tries his best not to sound dejected that you didn’t say it back, knowing he’s already felt the brunt of this heartache already.

“I just miss you, that’s all.”

“I miss you too. I love you.” Joe stops recording, and Harry lowly whispers ‘take.fucking.five.’ as he and the crew creep away from Tom’s new found love scene.

“Anthony, can I borrow your phone?” Harry begins to type Nikki’s number as soon as Anthony gives over the phone. “Mum, Tom just told the first A.D. he’s in love with them so guess who’s out of a job?”

Tom knows why he’s sick. He used to feel like love was trudging up a high hill he couldn’t come down from, where every beat of heart was feeling like an ache on an open wound. Tom had yet to meet a lover to prove distance makes the heart grow fonder, finding himself in six month long entanglements and illusions of love before things inevitably went sour. But now, Tom has found you.

#tom holland imagines #tom holland fanfiction #peter parker #tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland angst #peter parker angst #peter parker imagine #lolbrosgetsicktoo

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lochnessies · 3 years

Text

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad).

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace.

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system.

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society.

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious.

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic.

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place.

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

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dustydreamsanddirtyscars · 3 years

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So, thing is.... I have not watched the episode. I just was spoilered on the explore page on youtube when looking up news and there it was. Thank you so much algorithm for ruining the only episode in 4 years that I actually would have liked to watch unspoilered. That’s off the table now of course…. That said. I will watch it later in full. So take all of this with a shitton of salt, because my opinion is basically based only on Dean’s death scene and Sam’s life montage and the ending in Heaven of them meeting again without any in between so I might miss some vital infos – and yeah maybe I should have waited to post after I have seen the full episode first, then again, it doesn’t really matter, my opinion doesn’t matter, as I have not been involved with fandom or tumblr in ages, but maybe my impression can help someone somewhere to feel a bit better about this ending.

So, with that said. And I guess this will be a surprise to most people, these little ten minutes of episode to me delivered more emotion – though the hair and make up on Jared as Aging!Sam was just awful lol so I am ignoring all that – than all of the past 4 years combined.

Is the ending dissatisfying? I can see how people think that. I have to say, I look at it more objectively since I am not involved in fandom etc. anymore. But imo and I really would not have ever expected to say that about an episode written by Dabb. Imo this ending does make sense. I see a lot of posts going around saying that this ending doesn’t make sense, because of the season long arc of the death of the author and fight for free will and that it is the badly written ending Chuck would have penned. And I kind of think no, it isn’t. It’s just that many people treated the past seasons or watched them with rose coloured glasses.

I have expressed in a single post last week why I have issues with Dabb’s era and people’s appraisal of him, because they excused all the bad writing with that only having been „Chuck’s bad writing“ and therefore Dabb and Co were so extremely clever and amazing and soooooo meta. Which yeah, no Dabb was no genius and neither was a Berens. It was objectively bad and lazy writing. This ending however imo actually makes sense – and people only hate it because they did not get what they wanted. Did I get what I wanted from this ending? Not by a long shot – for one: Dean would have deserved more. Much could have been done better, but from the quality or rather extreme lack thereof since Dabb took over, this ending is more than I ever would have expected possible.

So let me get into the meat of it and why I think that way. I can see why it is frustrating to accept this ending, because it feels like all of what they went through was for nothing, because it was never „truly them“ - and I guess that was Jensen’s biggest issue with that ending – and that Dean dies so quickly after just having been free(d). You see, if you operate with the death of the author and celebrating that fact, because it means true free will for the Winchesters then this ending simply – as dissatisfying as it may feel for the character who just achieved freedom – is a fitting one and indeed does not negate character development made (which arguably was influenced by Chuck and never real), but rather showcases it.

Dean dieing on a hunt, in a mundane fashion, due to a rusty nail many say is a disgrace, because it should have been an epic fighting scene or whatever. Why though? We had that countless times. We know Dean is a skilled fighter. He did many Big bads in. Why would it need one more for the final episode? Especially when considering all those times before Chuck has been pulling the strings (this is much more why I think they never should have introduced God in that way and go this route, because that in fact destroys all of the past – which again is why I think Jensen struggled with the ending). Again, I understand people’s discomfort, but I actually think Dean dieing on a hunt, in a mundane fashion, due to a rusty nail is a „good“ (as good as it can get with Dabb & Co) ending. Why? Because it all was entirely Dean. No Chuck. No big story. It was Dean. It was Dean writing his own story. Holding the pen. And That is all I ever wanted (would I have wanted it for him to be able to do it longer, hell yes, but even getting Dean’s joy of being free just for one day imo is worth it and worth more than a lifetime as a puppet for a cruel God). Dean died while doing what he believed in, what he loved doing, with his brother by his side and them both on the same page and not butting heads, he was there out of his own free will, he was not supercharged by an special weapon and he was most of all not indestructable because he was a plaything of God. He died, because he was/is free. Because that is what happens when life happens. And life is tragic. That’s what this is. A tragic death. A tragic death of a wonderful human being. And that’s always what I loved dean for: his humanity and his flaws.

And I don’t see/read it as Dean only finding happiness or true free will in death, though I understand why you could read it that way, absolutely. But imo seeing it that way only cuts things short. Dean was able to let go, he was able to say goodbye to Sam (now his whole speech about him being weaker than Sam etc., that part was enraging and unnescessary, but for the sake of the much despised „bigger picture“ I will ignore it here, because that part I have big issues with). That means he did „overcome“ his „always be there for Sammy“ and giving himself up in the process of doing that (and again yes, that he was only to overcome this when dieing makes this part pretty problematic, very much so – but then again, I don’t expect well crafted story from Dabb, so…). Every single time before (when God was still in the picture) the Winchesters did something bad to undo „death“, etc. whether that was what they would have done if God was not in the picture is up for debate, but in any case here Sam and Dean met one another on eye level. Sam let Dean go and he lived with the grief (yeah, the irony of Dabb trying to replicate „Swan Song“ with roles reversed just in a spectacularly worse way is not lost on me, believe me), but he kept going, didn’t go to extremes to reverse it. He lived with it. Because that’s how life happens. Most of the time it’s not fair. And it’s not what we deserve. But we „carry on“. And we keep writing our story. However a tragic one it might be. But at least it’s ours. We are the paper. We are the pen. And not a bit of spilled ink in Death’s or God’s book. And I happen to think that is as good as it gets…

Alright, those are my two cents on an episode that I haven’t seen lol. I am sure once I see it, there will be a lot of things I will probably dislike about it, but just from the small but probably big bits of the episode, these are my two cents. Don’t get up in arms over it. I am not here to fight. Have never been. And I sure won’t start now that I probably will never log back into this account. :)

#SPN Spoilers #SPN 15x20 #SPN Series Finale #Supernatural Meta #SPN Meta #Pick up the pen Dean Winchester #Unpopular opinion #15x20 #Carry on

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rpbetter · 3 years

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Thanks for your thoughts. Nope, I don't have another problem with the psa. It's the subtle word choice pretty much, but nothing else. I don't mind if people use me as a meme farm, so when I see psas like that or comments like that, I get upset because I associate it with people who make other blanket assumptions about all rpers, I have it linked in my head with people going around saying "rp is a hobby not a jobby" and making other assumptions about how all rpers do their thing.

Thank you for answering those questions!

The assumptive quality of the RPC can seriously be annoying as hell, especially if you're in the minority on any particular issue. When that's the case, the PSAs are so rarely geared toward you and any issues you might be experiencing that it's legitimately upsetting. I absolutely feel you on that!

I mean, obviously. Obviously lol I do. It couldn't be much clearer that I have a serious issue with the constant bombardment of PSAs insisting that we normalize shitty behaviors that are the damn norm, that we're all just losers RPing on tumblr so no one should be anxious about anything ever (instead of, you know, maybe trying to legitimately boost people's confidence, radical thought), or that anything that isn't being hostile to oneself is being hostile to everyone else.

I think the issue is that, while there is obviously a majority set of takes/issues/experiences (though, those, too, absolutely can skew toward one's particular RP corner and style), there's no way to address every instance and variable of an issue. Particularly not when anything other one paragraph is too lengthy for a lot of people here to engage with in a meaningful way.

So, I know I have to frequently ask, "is this a legitimate or hostile sort of blank-statement, or is it just addressing the majority experience? If it's the latter, is it genuinely enough of a problem to address?"

Like, did they mean that this is an experience most RPers have, or did they mean this is the only experience/is the correct and only way to do things? And that's not always answerable, of course, but when I feel like it is, it's usually found on OP's blog and RPC itself.

If OP has expressed things that are not the majority experience, expressed that they do not agree with blanket-statements, and doesn't imply with every rule, PSA, point on the DNI, and so on that to approach and proceed with RP in a way they do not is to commit some manner of terrible IRL crime? It's almost certainly that they were just expressing a majority experience and nothing more.

And in this case, yeah, as I'm sure you've noticed from being on the opposite side of this, it is the majority experience. I don't recall ever seeing very many RPers who do not espouse having an issue with having their memes and aesthetics reblogged without some manner of (rules specified if they're not a dick) interaction/relationship with the other mun. (Such as "mutuals are okay to reblog" or "I expect reblog karma and practice it.")

I don't know if there has been an influx of newer RPers or those who have migrated from more relaxed areas of the RPC, but recently, there really has been an increase in at least my corners of muns being used as resource blogs when they do not wish to be. They've all expressed in their rules their particular boundaries for that, have made overall posts politely but firmly asking that people who do not write with them and haven't even read their rules not do this, and have gone directly to the worst offenders to ask them to stop. And it continues to happen. So, I imagine that is why you might be seeing an influx of PSAs about the matter in response.

For anyone watching this conversation that might not understand why some muns are so against this, some reasons are:

clogging up their notifications

the aesthetic was their picture, edit, quote, etc. and not meant to be shared off their blog/only by the partner(s) tagged in it

when you reblog from someone, their URL is obviously attached, spreading them to another dash full of people - they might like you, but not want some of your mutuals following to their blog

their muse doesn't get much interaction, but other muns keep reblogging memes/aesthetics from them when they won't write with them or send anything in

they feel used for the above reason or any variety of other reasons

I'm really sure you know that, Anon, but I think it's important that we all understand where we're coming from because there are so many different preferences and experiences. It's really not good enough to just feel like everyone can do whatever they want, so long as it isn't harassing anyone else/they're being respectful of others. Because can feel that way all we want to while still getting upset when we lack the understanding of preferences that are extremely different, or even in opposition to our own.

We can't effectively respect each other without that sort of understanding of even the things that annoy us, you know? So, I try to promote that understanding and explain things for people who might simply see this on their dash.

Like the "hobby not jobby" thing! I don't get that, I think it has some concerning IRL connotations people are not recognizing, and it's a great way to treat other muns like shit while justifying the behavior. It's in opposition to what I do not because it exists, but rather, because it is weaponized in order to excuse bad behavior and vilify muns who do not engage with the hobby in this way. It doesn't have to exist in hostile opposition to how I enjoy RP, the use of it has made it this way, is what I'm saying.

But I understand where it came from and what it means for the more rational, adult muns here who feel this way. To them, it's just that this is an ultra casual hobby. The way I engage with RP is like a full contact sport lol it requires a lot of effort and engagement, and the effort and engagement is fun. They way they engage with RP is an act of disengaging, it is more like what watching TV is for me - they're just here for some light, quick entertainment.

Understanding this difference is understanding that not everyone who feels so casually about RP is a jackass insisting that everyone else better feel the same way, that their way is the only correct and good way. I'm still not interested in writing with them, it's far too different for that to work out, but it allows for delineating who is enjoyable on my dash/OOC that is into casual RP and who needs to stay behind a block somewhere because they think anyone who has RP as a primary hobby is trying to ruin it for them somehow, attacking them by existing, and the following list of terrible things as a person.

I think that all problems in the RPC could be drastically mitigated by a combination of understanding and mutual respect. People who are alright with others treating them like a meme resource absolutely can and should interact with people who don't feel that way without a problem, for example - all that takes is being aware of your mutual's rules and respecting them.

Damn near 100% of the PSAs out there honestly should not ever have to exist, they come down to the same factors of just exercising some easy respect for each other.

Again, the trouble often comes in at those very differing factors we need to be mindful of. When we feel like the weird one out in the RPC constantly, whether something is actually othering us or not, it starts to feel like it is. We start finding reasons and evidence, and much of the time, at least among those whose first inclination isn't to label OP as various terrible shit as a person, that takes the form of "not everyone."

Well, of course, not everyone! But unfortunately, when we are of the minority opinion/experience, we sometimes have to just realize that very thing. It isn't personal, and that while someone has caused issues coming from this side with that difference, we are not for our mutuals, so this isn't about us. We're actually doing the thing the PSA is speaking of by not pushing our preferences on others. If that PSA is just speaking from a place of the majority experience and nothing more, we're just annoyed with it for that reason and nothing else when it comes right down to it. We're just kind of sick of being in the minority opinion on this issue, and now are geared to feel like we're being hounded by most PSAs.

It's not an easy thing to get over or work with, it's not even something that gets to be faultless, but it definitely makes the experience less irritating when we can get to a point of stepping back and analyzing the situation without those emotions intensely in play. Seriously, if I allowed the issues I have with most PSAs out there to be evident by reblogging them with refutations or anger? That's all I'd spend my time doing, that'd be my hobby and not actual RP...and I'd absolutely be the most hated and blocked mun on tumblr in short order no matter how valid my points were. (And, I think, with good reason, I really do not support reblogging that sort of thing with negative commentary.)

What helps? Make your own positive PSA about your experience! Make one of those "reblog if" posts, I have never seen one that says "reblog if...you are alright with your mutuals reblogging memes and aesthetics from you without reblog karma."

I'm being dead serious, I encourage you to do that! It's great when you're of the minority opinion and do something like that because you can literally see not only that you're not alone at all but also that it's made other people feel seen. If you do that, let me know, I'll reblog it, even.

#answered #anonymous #post and ask replies #mun interaction #reblog etiquette #rp problems #tumblr rpc

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hightress · 5 years

Text

As If He Had A Choice (Bakugou x Midoriya)

This is my gift for the sweet @brown-rice on tumblr fo the @bkdksecretsanta event. Hope you'll like it, sweetheart, it was a pleasure writing it for you!

A03 link

Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki / Midoriya Izuku

Tags: Fluff and Humor, Christmas Fluff, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Pro Hero Midoriya Izuku, Established Relationship

Word Count: 2.2k

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair how that freckled idiot could just grin at him in that annoying way of his - all wide, pearly white teeth and freaking dimples showing - and ask for something, no matter what, expecting Bakugou to say yes to any stupid idea of his. And then get exactly what he wanted. Like what the fuck?!

Bakugou was strong enough to say 'no'. Shout it even. Repeat it again and again and again until it got engraved over his moronic forehead. He was good at this, did it every day, with anyone.

Anyone that wasn't Deku, of course.

"We're not decorating the entire house," were his words every single time Deku asked. "I don't give a rat's ass if it's Christmas or not, I don't need or want to waste time putting up things all over the goddamn flat only to waste even more time taking them down." All rough words, all clear. Should've sent the message across but, judging what followed next, wasn't the case.

"But, Kacchan, it'll just be a tree. Please..."

Big eyes, green and shiny and pleading, hoping and waiting for Bakugou to give in.

"Don't give me that shit, Deku. Why the hell would we even need a tree?" They were both in the hallway, fully dressed in their hero costumes, ready to go. Someone was in danger a few streets away from them and here they were, proper, licensed heroes, talking about freaking decorations.

"It's traditional. Besides, everyone will have one." A short pause before he moved his eyes to the floor and his smile turned into that curve of insecurity and awkwardness that Bakugou could not stand. "And...I thought it would be nice to have one as well"

He hated that look. Despised seeing Deku make himself smaller instead of looking right up into Bakugou's eyes, shouting and demanding loud and clear what he felt like he deserved. He wasn't a kid anymore. He wasn't Bakugou's inferior like, maybe once, they felt he was. He was a hero in his own right and he was strong. Incredibly so. If he could stand up against an army of villains, he sure as hell could stand up for himself in front of Bakugou for some stupid tree.

Not that Bakugou would make things easier for him. "I don't care what the others are doing. This is my flat."

It wasn't a fight, just a mere discussion. It was constructive - for both of them, it always was. They stopped fighting for real, leaving all that toxicity in the past.

"This is also my flat and I want a Christmas tree, Kacchan," replied Izuku, his eyes staring at Bakugou steadily, holding his gaze with confidence. "So I'll be getting one."

That's what Bakugou liked to see. Sometimes it took some time for Izuku to speak up properly, even with him, especially to him, but he was getting better. That 'I'll be getting one' was a statement. It didn't leave any space for rejection or doubts. It wasn't as if Bakugou could just say 'No, you're not' or 'I won't let you'. It was Izuku's decision. Bakugou had no power over him or over what he wanted. And, to be honest, he quite enjoyed having Izuku in charge from now and then, even if for something as trivial as decorating the flat.

He didn't say anything in return to Izuku's words, but a tiny, tiny smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.

That small gesture was what did it. Made that contagious grin resurface, just as blinding as always. And, just like that, the word 'no' disappeared from Bakugou's vocabulary completely. There was going to be a tree, end of story.

Damned be that smile. Damned be the way it made Bakugou feel. And damned be the fact that he didn't regret it one bit.

Thankfully, they had to go, leaving behind this whole discussion for a bit. Bakugou might've agreed to the idea but he sure didn't want to say it out loud. Some things were meant to be kept inside. Besides, Deku was smart enough to understand him properly.

Most of the time.

Stubborn was a good word to describe Izuku - stubbornly ambitious to be exact. That's what brought him to UA and what made him surpass every single obstacle life has thrown his way. Bakugou remembered himself laughing and mocking that ambition constantly, not being able to understand him or accept those qualities. He couldn't get how someone could be just as ambitious as him, maybe even more so, while still staring at him and everyone else from thousands of steps below with an almost frightening determination.

The same stubbornness was what made him bring up the Christmas tree problem again later that day, as soon as they saw the two villains they had to take care of locked up appropriately.

He was taking off the gloves of his hero costume, still covered in mud and slightly burned at the edge of his index finger when he asked: "Do you want to buy it on our way back or during the weekend? They might be cheaper now."

Bakugou stopped what he was doing and looked at Izuku, a blank expression on his face. "It's not even December." Then, he moved his head to the side, not meeting Izuku's eyes, and muttered: "Besides, we're not buying one."

Disappointment hit Izuku instantly. He opened his mouth to protest, but he only managed to let out a cried out "Kacchan, we've already-" before he got interrupted by Bakugou.

"We'll be building the shit."

If Izuku seemed confused before, his confusion only intensified after this. It was clear in his posture.

And, this once, Bakugou didn't waste any more time waiting to explain himself.

"We can't just use a tree some barbarian cut from the forests, Deku. Fucking hell, I like the smell, but I refuse to destroy the future of our goddamn planet for some shitty tradition. And the plastic ones are just as bad for the environment."

For the millionth time that year, Izuku rolled his eyes fondly at Bakugou's antics, a small, soft smile, curving the edge of his lips. Because of some documentary they have watched a couple weeks after they moved in together, years after they left UA behind and started their careers, Bakugou became obsessed with the idea of preserving the nature, recycling and, as he, himself, would've said it, 'all the other crap.' It shouldn't have surprised him, especially considering how he always went way out of his way when something interested him. And since he had started focusing more of on helping people rather than his own pride and desire for a position that mattered less than saving lives, Bakugou did the same thing. He didn't limit himself to wanting to protect citizens. He also used his energy to save the very earth they walked on and everything in between.

Because, as he liked to say, 'what was the point of rescuing them now if they were only going to suffer and live in ruin in the years to come?'

A valid question and one that many heroes never came across even after decades of calling themselves pros.

"How?" asked Izuku, smiling at him, all traces of confusion and doubt gone. Because despite how practical Bakugou's idea seemed, they were both disasters when it came to building things from scratch.

They rarely had the patience to stay put for more than a couple of minutes and they both knew it.

"Hell if I know," admitted Bakugou. But, somehow, this time there was a light in his eyes that told Izuku he was more than a little excited to try. After all, there were few things in existence that Bakugou loved more than a good challenge.

Gathering all the materials for it took less than they expected. In just two days they had an entire bag full of paper, ready to be painted, cut and reassembled. They had only needed to send a message to one of their old UA chats, asking for any kind of unwanted paper they might have around the house and in less than an hour, they had both Kirishima and Kaminari donating every single one of their notebooks and test papers. Which was a lot.

"Why are you donating them all, dipshits?" Bakugou had asked them when they met personally to give them to him.

"We just wanted to help, dude," answered Kaminari with a shit-eating grin and with the most innocent look in his eyes. But all three of them knew better than to believe that lie.

"Just take them, Bakugou. And send us all a picture when the tree is up," said Kirishima instead, beating Bakugou's back twice before saying goodbye, hurrying to get to his own hero agency.

Painting every single page in green took the longest. It was horrible and unexpectedly expensive. Bakugou almost gave up twice, growling at the paint, before remembering that he couldn't ever give up on anything. Just looking at him exhausted Izuku sometimes.

How Bakugou could manage so much energy was one of his life's biggest wonders.

They stopped from time to time for a snack or to stare at the old tests in their hands, remembering fondly (or pridefully, in Bakugou's case) the old days in which passing a harsh test with flying colors had been one of the most stressful things they had to deal with. Of course, Kaminari's answers on certain tests made them both laugh whenever he tried to answer a question by inventing equations or formulas.

"Oh, Pikachu, this symbol doesn't even fucking exist," smiled Bakugou, his eyes moving over the page. There was such an unguarded expression on his face, just looking back at messed up things their friends (God, how long it had taken for Bakugou to acknowledge that fact) used to do back in the day. Having him on the ground, in his socks and the embarrassing t-shirt and pants that were too worn up to wear outside but Bakugou refused to give up on, holding those papers, some filled with greens, some barely touched by paint, and with that smile all over his features, made Izuku happy. Truly, stupidly happy.

So happy that he wanted to jump on him in a less than elegant way and kiss him profoundly until Bakugou had no other choice but to step back, his cheeks tainted with that soft pink that Izuku adored.

He wanted to do it, so he did. And the result was just as wonderful as he had expected.

It has taken them a week to complete the tree. They had used some YouTube tutorials in order to learn how to create origami for the decorations and that brought them close to tears after the 43rd crane they had folded, their hands tired and full of cuts, but the end result had been worth it.

It was standing confidently in the middle of the room, neon colored bits of paper in the shape of animals clearly seen between the two shades of green they have chosen for the tree. Of course, it wasn't perfect - the position not straight enough, the paint job messy in certain places, the paper folded asymmetrically in some cases - but it was theirs. And it wasn't like they were perfect either.

They shouted at each other often, said things they regretted due to pride and fear. But when they stopped to think, hours after, the end result was the same. They'd come together right there, in the living room, either shouting apologies at each other - often full of curses in Bakugou's case - or showing their remorse through touch alone. And every single time, they'd end up cuddled on the couch, too close for comfort on that tiny piece of furniture, a superhero movie displayed in the background that they rarely paid attention to. Instead, they listened to each other, their own heartbeat, their rhythmic breathing.

They grounded each other. And the tree showed their story well enough.

As they stepped back to look at the construction, pride rang loudly in their hearts.

"Can't wait to put your gift under this fucking mess," said Bakugou, turning towards Izuku, one of his rough hands searching for his.

(The greens of his fingers blended with Izuku's own orange ones, creating a mix of brown that should've been muddy and disgusting but, instead, looked warm and complex.)

Izuku held his hand tighter. "I'm sure mine will be better this year."

God, how they loved to compete over the smallest things. Affection often ended up being the one they played around with the most.

"You're fucking with me. There's no chance you'll win this time." So quietly whispered. So aggressive in wording but so completely different in message.

Izuku smiled, letting his head rest on Bakugou's shoulder. "We'll see."

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair how Izuku only needed to look at him once and ask for what he wanted, leaving Bakugou no possibility to deny him anything. It wasn't fair how he could use this weakness anytime, anywhere, and Bakugou would still say yes on every occasion.

The small twist he came up with didn't change reality at all.

The worst part? That Izuku could one day ask for the very last bit of Bakugou's heart that he hadn't owned yet and Bakugou... Bakugou would have no choice but to give it to him - without regrets, without any hesitation.

And he'd still find more to offer.

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palemoonpersephone · 5 years

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60 Question Tag Challenge

So I’ve been tagged by @kaffeinic to answer these questions. Here we go!

1: Selfie.

Gonna have to decline this one as I’m very shy but I’ll describe myself a little to make up for it - very long dark reddish-brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, fun size.

2: What would you name your future kids?

Can’t say for certain, I feel it would depend on what name felt right for that baby but I like many Italian and Celtic names.

3: Do you miss anyone?

Yes, definitely. Old friends, old pen-pals/online friends who just seemed to disappear. And I miss my partner and my friends when we’re apart.

4: What are you looking forward to?

the weekend Seeing my partner again, working on my writing projects, starting third year of uni, and unashamedly the new Witcher series on Netflix!

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

The lovely @kaffeinic for a start! My best friend, my partner, my doggy 🐕

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

All depends on the context. I’ve had crushes in the past that have been relatively easy to get over but then I’ve lost a couple of close friends and that had a pretty traumatic affect on me. Other times it’s been very easy because it’s been the right thing to do because the person I cut off was very toxic/bad for me.

7: What was your life like last year?

In some aspects very similar, my interests are all pretty much the same, my mental health was still difficult to manage and I was looking forward to my upcoming year of uni. But this time last year I wasn’t in a relationship and hadn’t began a really amazing journey of self-discovery.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

feel so attacked rn yes, I very much have. Crying tends to be my natural response to most high-running emotions.

9: Who did you last see in person?

Within my household, my mum as I’m currently home for the summer. Outside of that, my partner when he last came down to visit

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I can be. I’ve found it depends on how well other people can see. Over the years I’ve had to hide all sorts of things, especially from my family. For years they didn’t know I was severely ill with anxiety and depression but that might be testament to poor observation and parenting skills, or maybe I just became that good and hiding things. I’m striving now to be more open about how I feel rather than bottling things up because it’s like drinking poison.

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Not at this minute.

12: What is something you want right now?

a hug a life without crippling mental illness probably inspiration to work on my novel

13: How do you feel right now?

Quite tired, a bit lonely. Really craving some energy and pizzazz

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

Probably the Monday before last at 4-ish in the morning when my partner had to leave for work.

15: Personality description?

Shy, careful, introverted, open, understanding, affectionate, creative

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Pretty much the story of my life. For the last 10-12 years I’ve had to keep so many things to myself, especially regarding my family. I could never say what I thought/believed because it would all spiral into a catastrophe, wasn’t a very safe environment emotionally-speaking. There have been so, so many things I’ve wanted to say but haven’t for the risk of rocking the boat.

17: Opinion on insecurities?

Most people I know have them, including myself but I think people can be misled to think that others don’t have them because of the outward images they display. And from my experience they’re usually there for all the wrong reasons (if there’s such a thing as a right reason to have an insecurity)

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

No, I’ve only gained things since then.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

Not so far but I can’t say I have any desire to

20: What is your favourite song at the moment?

Perhaps Ring of Fire by In This Moment

21: Age and birthday?

21, born 18/09/97

22: Description of crush?

(also my partner) 6″1, dark/black hair, brown eyes, built like a brick shit-house, tan skin. He’s intelligent, considerate, honourable, principled, fierce, indomitable, funny, supportive and respectful.

23: Fear(s)?

I’m just gonna say most things

24: Height?

5″3

25: Role model?

Not sure I have one. I aspire more to qualities like goodness, kindness and innocence

26: Idol(s)?

see above

27: Things I hate:

Small mindedness, cruel/selfish/narcissistic people, exclusion, organised religion (as more of an abstract concept), people not getting what they deserve, when people aren’t willing to listen and learn, having plans ruined, seeing people upset, people who don’t put in effort/only take and never give back

28: “I’ll love you if...”

Lots of possible answers as there lots of sorts of love. In short, if you give back. But then love shouldn’t be conditional, so I guess I should say I couldn’t love someone (in any way) who never gives back.

29: Favourite film(s)?

Beauty and the Beast, Peter Pan, The Lion King, The Other Boleyn Girl, most Marvel movies

30: Favourite tv show(s)?

Call the Midwife, Brooklyn 99, QI, The Last Kingdom, Doctor Who

31: 3 random facts.

I’ve been writing for almost 12 years now. I sleep with cuddly toys and make bed forts. I use fantasy to cope with reality.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Right now, girls but when I was in secondary school most of my friends were boys.

33: Something you want to learn.

In a physical/skills sense I’d like to learn how to dance. In an emotional/mental sense I want to learn how to unburden by troubles and let go of things holding me down.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

With an anxiety disorder many, many things feel hideously embarrassing. Don’t think I could pick out one exact moment.

35: Favourite subject?

History

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Becoming a successful author. Make lots of money so I can give it to charities. Overcome/beat my mental illnesses.

37: Favourite actor/actress?

Probably Tom Hiddleston

38: Favourite comedian(s)?

Stephen Fry, Dara O’Brian, Sandi Toskvig, Aisling Bea

39: Favourite sport(s)?

Riding, archery, yoga (still physical activity so I guess it counts), swimming, running

40: Favourite memory?

Right now I think it’s when my partner told me he loved me for the first time

41: Relationship status?

If you haven’t guessed by now I’m concerned 😋

42: Favourite books?

Too many to choose from.

43: Favourite song ever?

Probably Lithium by Evanescence

44: Age you get mistaken for?

Always younger than I am. I really haven’t changed much since I was about 16. Still get ID’d almost everywhere because I look younger than 18 apparently

45: How you found out about your idol.

Not really applicable.

46: What my last text message says.

That’s no one’s business.

47: Turn-ons?

Maturity, experience, intelligence, someone who knows themselves and is in control, someone who can give care and guidance, someone who can bring my out of my shell.

48: Turn-offs?

Idiocy, lack of self-care/hygiene, someone who isn’t willing to listen, entitlement, intolerance, confidence when it hasn’t been earned.

49: Where I want to be right now.

The New Forest

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

Kinda need an idol first...

51: Star sign?

Virgo

52: Something I’m talented at.

anxiety? I’m quite good at riding and hopefully my writing isn’t too shabby

53: 5 things that make me happy.

Animals, people I love, random acts of kindness, smells that awaken nice memories, creative passion

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Guess at random and you’ll probably be correct.

55: Tumblr friends?

@kaffeinic I feel we clicked really really fast and they are possibly the bravest person I’ve ever met and I hope we stay friends.

@alittleandherdaddysworld they’ve been really kind to me and we seem to have some things in common, I hope we get to know each other better!

@xxdaddyslitttleprincessxx they’ve also been really kind to me when I needed someone to turn to and I hope that we too can turn our acquaintance into a friendship!

@thorkingofasgard I think we’ve known one another for just over a year and have had many lovely talks over that time, they’re always a friend I can turn to.

@mblargh-its-me-loki a friend who I sometimes don’t hear from for long periods at a time and I often miss them and hope they’re doing okay

@c0ffeebee their artwork and dedication is second to none and I like to think we got on well when I commissioned them for some art

56: Favourite food(s)?

Love curries and stir-fry, anything involving noodles, Italian cuisine and I’ll never say no to cake

57: Favourite animal(s)?

Dogs, horses, deer, bunnies, foxes, otters, dolphins, mice (I really could go on so I’ll stop myself)

58: Description of my best friend.

5″5, dark blonde hair, brown eyes, tan skin. She’s lovely, intelligent, determined, hilarious, gorgeous and we know each other back to front

59: Why I joined tumblr?

At first it was to connect with more people and spread my fanfiction work but over time it’s become more about just sharing and interacting with what I like and trying to make more and more lovely friends

60: Ask me anything you want.

Hold nothing back

I’m going to tag my listed tumblr friends so that’s @alittleandherdaddysworld @xxdaddyslitttleprincessxx @thorkingofasgard @mblargh-its-me-loki @c0ffeebee and any of my followers are welcome to take part

#60 question challenge #ask me anything #answered

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onlyhevvenarts · 6 years

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2017 was not the best year that I've ever had, but it totally wasn't a bad one either. Of course my Tumblr page was more silent then ever, but I was still working and drawing a lot. Each day I tried to make my art the way I want it to be, tried to make something that I will love, because back in a day I hated everything what I drew. I'm still searching, but I'm one step closer to what I need. Thank you all who supported me, sent me messages and motivated to keep going. There will be lots and lots good things coming. I will post more often on my Instagram page, more sketches, drawings, so follow me there if you want to see more. But ofc I will still be here too.(I hate how Instagram ruins quality of the picture, Tumblr here is one love lol)

I guess that's it. Happy New year everyone, hope y'all have good one.

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finsterhund · 6 years

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Finsterhund’s 2017 Summary of Art (and by extension, the rest of my life)

I’d be lying if I said that 2017 wasn’t an incredibly difficult year for the easily excitable finsterhund but it was also a very productive year for my art. I’m not going to deny that. A lot of issues came about that pushed me really hard, and I did break, but I mended too. I grew stronger in some ways. My writing took a nosedive and I’m not sure how to repair that, but my art, well... this is the first time I’ve ever done one of these. That should speak for itself.

In some months it was difficult to pick which one. I decided against choosing ones that may have been partially rotoscoped (such as my reaction images and most memes) and also because I tend to draw too similar to reference images I use. So no redraws of blurry HoD concept art or stuff.

January: [x]

This was supposed to be the picture for holidays 2016 but I’m a lazy earth boy who must’ve been slacking off because I finished and posted it right on January first! I remember at the time I was really proud of this one, and spent a lot of time on it. It was drawn traditionally and then scanned and digitized in GIMP... yes gimp. Fishy loved it and that made me happy. Nowadays I can pick apart so many flaws, especially in Andy. The lines look so shaky! Maybe I’ll redraw it for January 1st 2018! Assuming I don’t slack off again.

February: [x]

It was hard picking one from this month because I didn’t really like my drawings from then. Here’s art in paint of Red Spot eating a burger. I used to draw him with food when I was hungry for a while. Mmmmmm borger.

March: [x]

This is the month things started to take a nosedive. There was lots of good things happening, but some bad stuff too. A few new problems arose, but at the time the biggest was I found out my birth mom was being evicted and I would have to help her clear the old house. THAT old house. I retreated heavily into my artistic comforts and drew a lot of pictures of Red Spot being comforting and supportive to Andy. Red was created for that purpose after all, and Andy being a character I so closely identify with ended up being the comfort I needed especially then. Despite its crudeness in ms paint I do love this picture and should redraw it in Sai at some point.

April: [x]

The trials I had to face were unreal this month. The Wannabe War(tm) is well underway, and the time to return to the old house rapidly approached. I drew like there was no tomorrow, and these paint pictures were the best. Smoother lines, and more detail. When the time came to face that house things got ugly. Mom hid that my dog Jack had been dead for over half a year and broke the news only when I became distraught when I arrived and he didn’t come when I called him. My fixation on the “monkey’s paw” that was ruining everything I ever wished for started around here, and I kept breaking down. Bad regressing back to before I left that place happened. But something else did too. I DIDN’T. STOP. DRAWING. I drew more and more. Choosing to bring my laptop allowed me to make more pictures. A lot of Red Spot and Andy comfort ones, some mean little immature vent comics, and memes. Lots of memes. I was able to do the job I went there to do and returned home exhausted but VICTORIOUS. My art? Well I think I actually improved a lot then. It was predominantly due to surviving in spite of everything and the sheer volume of cruddy little paint drawings. I didn’t want to pick a mean comic and already had one ms paint Andy and Red picture in this line up so here’s a surprisingly detailed xenomorph queen being licked by a prequel era character who is a massive spoiler. Not only were both characters very complicated to draw, but I’m genuinely shocked I was able to draw an xenomorph at all.

May: [x]

After the painful embarrassment of April I tried really hard to relax. I was still really scared and anxious about the Wannabe incident, but it had more or less turned into a post-arms race stalemate where he wasn’t really doing anything and I just had my weapons of mass destruction pointed at him with my grubby little orange paw over the launch button which is where things have been ever since. My art took a relaxation break, but it was still steadily getting better. Late May I wanted to come up with a reason to actually celebrate my birthday (June 3rd) so I did a silly little “June is International Heart of Darkness month” post featuring Red and Andy sharing a slice of chocolate cake. I went on to say that June 3rd was “International draw heart of darkness fan art” day (real smooth you egocentric mutt) but I thought it’d be a good way to actually celebrate the day but make it about the video game that gave me a reason to live another year instead of about me aging, as I openly hate that I grow older.

June: [x]

A few of my friends drew HoD stuff this month, but a lot of my friends were busy due to jobs, school, life, etc. We used to be a lot more active in 2015 and even in 2016 so this did hit me pretty hard. As a result, I become very frustrated and out of spite decide it’s finally time to test my “new toy.” I don’t remember when Kale actually gave me his old tablet, but in June I finally install its drivers, get a copy of paint tool sai, and draw a lot with it. At first I hate these pictures and go back to paint whenever possible. There’s something wrong with my copy of sai and windows 10 doesn’t like the drivers. But I push myself, and I start to make more pictures of Andy, Whisky, Red Spot, etc. Not a lot of my early Sai pictures ever got posted or even made it past the inking stage, but one night I just couldn’t sleep so I drew Andy cradled in the crook of Red’s wing and got it to the flat colors stage.

July: [x]

I try to calm down. it’s a good month I think. Not much happens. It’s the month I finally give myself a new fursona. I decided that Red Spot isn’t “me” and I can’t use Andy in furry communities so I come up with a solution. It... it’s just Andy as a doberman. It’s a little orange doberman that wears a red bandanna and Andy’s hat... Doberman Andy. But he’s cute, and I can draw him, and so I do draw him. And he helps me get better at drawing in Sai.

August: [x]

The month of the solar eclipse! Me and my friend were going to go down to the US to see it together and... nope... that plan fell through. It makes me a brat, but that’s okay because I can just draw six hundred thousand drawings of Andy. That’ll help me feel better. I ended up having a sabbatical from my blog after some people on tumblr began to bother me and I put up a drawing of Andy’s shoe so nobody could go in. This is an MS Paint picture! Sadly, I’ve stopped really drawing in the program. I like how I did Andy’s face even if his hat and hair weren’t the best.

September: [x]

I return from my sabbatical and begin to spam my tumblr with Andy drawings I’m making in paint tool sai. The quality and style of Andy in these pictures varies drastically as I try a whole manner of new things. At one point I make a post that has five color pictures of Andy in it. It’s slowly becoming difficult to pick which picture I wanted to put here. Not because I didn’t like any, but because I liked too many. SMOL Andy was probably my favourite of the bunch. I made him more chibi and cute than I normally do. It was on accident but I thought he was too cute to go back and make him more on-model.

October: [x]

I was supposed to do an Andy version of Inktober but I guess the extreme amount of Andy pictures was a September thing because I burned out relatively quickly. I had some drama involving a prototype disc and also ended up having to pay way too much extra money every month until further notice but it’s a relatively calm month all things considering. The way I drew Andy in this art isn’t particularly stellar, but I love what I did with Red’s mouth and nose. I wanted to show that the way I draw Red improved too.

November: [x]

My chronic pain gets worse for no good reason, I get a very disturbing creeper threatening me online, and I’m generally depressed, but I’m drawing. That’s good. I start a new revolutionary technique when I rely almost entirely on the cinematics as reference and don’t reference other cartoon styles whenever I can when it comes to drawing Andy. I enjoy the result. Drawing him in a cute penguin-themed suit made my day. It was so hard to decide which one to pick this month. I loved so many of them.

December: [x]

Like November, but somewhat better I think. I’m still drawing Andy a lot, with Red coming along for the ride too. This one I tried to draw Andy in a more Disney-like style. I love how I did his face and freckles. The drawing of Whisky from the same post is great too. I look at a lot of my newer drawings and feel genuinely pleased with the result. I think I actually am improving, and whilst I think it is due a lot to getting sai and a tablet, it can also be because I’m becoming more skilled and getting more practice as well. Lets hope the new year brings us smooth sailing, lots of fun, and happy times our way. HoD will be 20 in 2018 and I’m ready to bring the subject of my love and joy a great two decade celebration.

#summary of art #2017 summary of art #my art #long post

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sleepywinchester · 7 years

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Behind The Story S2 | Pt. 13

Summary: Jensen tells the truth of what he thinks it happened in Rome.

Author: sleepywinchester {prev; deanwinchester-af}

Characters: Jensen, Reader, Jared, Gen and Cast Cameos.

Pairings: Single!Jensen x Actress!Reader (Nina Dobrev = Faceclaim)

Words: 1.5k

Warnings: Hella Angst.

Disclaimer: NO HATE TOWARDS DANNEEL!

Note: Guys… Don’t hate me? ITALICS IS FLASHBACK.

Title: It’s All Too Much.

MASTERLIST

After having another successful and fun weekend with the fans in Rome, the cast decided to go out one last time to celebrate. Jus In Bello was everyone’s favorite convention of the year, they let them sing, curse and even drink booze as they spent quality time with their fans.

“I have to do a toast,” Jensen stood up from his seat, raising the glass of bourbon to the sky.

Everyone turned remained silence as they heard him speak.

“We had a blast,” he said, “thank you for being such an awesome group of people to work. I love y’all!” Jensen shouted.

The cast laughed and cheered for him. Jensen was noticeable drunk, he laughed and hugged everyone. It was almost three in the morning and Jensen was still up for adventure and partying. Jared took it as cue to take his best friend out of there when Jensen began to dance with strangers. He wasn’t doing anything bad, he was just having fun, but alcohol was taking a toll on him. Jared drank the last of his drink and hold Jensen by the shoulders.

“Hey, brother!” Jensen grinned. “I love you, brother.”

Jared laughed, “I love you too. Let’s go back to the hotel.”

“Why?! It’s-,” Jensen glanced down to his watch, his eyes squinting. “Dude, I forgot how to read the hour… Good thing I don’t need that skill for acting. Am I right?” He laughed, stumbling and almost not feeling his legs as they walked.

Jared grabbed Jensen’s arm and placed it over his shoulder, guiding his very drunk best friend to his hotel room. On their way he winked, spoke and even sang to everyone who would laid eyes on him. Jared grunted throwing Jensen over the bed and taking his shoes off.

“Dude-,” Jared looked up to find Jensen already passed out. He laughed to himself, scratching his head as he walked out. “He’s gonna’ be so hungover tomorrow.”

The constant knock on the door woke Jensen up. He stumbled his way to the door and opened without checking it. He looked down, his mind and eyes still fuzzed with alcohol. He smiled back to the woman standing in front of him.

“What’s up?” Jensen said.

She bit her lower lip, “Nothing much… I just- couldn’t sleep and I heard noise in your room.”

“I don’t even know how I got here,” he chuckled.

“Do you have booze? I drank all mine,” she looked inside Jensen’s hotel room.

Jensen turned back, his eyes finding the mini-fridge. “Yeah! I guess- come in, Claudia.”

She smirked, “Sure.”

Jensen shut his eyes tighter when he heard his phone ringing. Slowly he began to open his eyes, noticing he forgot to shut the blinds of his room off. He shook his head, scratching the top of it as he rolled over and stumbled into a body.

“What the-,” Jensen’s eyes went wide. “Who the hell are you!?”

The woman groaned under her breath, turning over to look at him.

“Hey, handsome,” she smiled.

Jensen’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of Claudia laying naked next to him.

“What the hell are you-,” his phone continued ringing. Jensen turned to see Y/N’s picture in the screen. She was face-time calling him. He swallowed and stood quickly from the bed and going into the bathroom. “Hey! Babe!”

“Did I wake you?” Y/N noticed his nervousness.

“Yeah,” Jensen cleared his throat, scratching the back of his head. “Um-, babe, can I call you later? Jared is at the door and I have to get dressed.”

Y/N glanced down at her uncovered chest, “You’re seeing that I’m practically shirtless over here, right?”

Jensen looked down to her chest, the corner of his lips perking up. “Oh, I see it babe… but,” he looked at the door, “I really can’t now. I’ll call you later. Promise.”

A sigh crawled up Y/N’s throat, “Sure… Bye.”

Once Jensen made sure the call was over, he walked out of the room to see Claudia lounging in his bed. She wore a white robe and her eyes were on the TV screen.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jensen snapped. “How- What the hell happened?!”

Claudia looked up to Jensen, the corner of her lips perking up into a seductive smirk. “Hey.” She stood up from the bed, it was in that moment when Jensen noticed her robe wasn’t tied.

He shut his eyes and turned around, “Get dressed.”

“Why?” Claudia pressed her body against his. “You didn’t mind last night.”

“I don’t know what happened last night!” Jensen shouted turning to look her in the eye. “What the hell happened last night?”

Claudia tied her robe, “You really don’t remember?”

“No!” Jensen yelled frustrated.

“We had sex, Jensen.”

Jensen’s entire world collapsed when the words came out of Claudia’s mouth. He didn’t want to believe it but it was obvious. She was naked, he only had his boxers on, and last night he was too drunk to think clearly. He walked by Claudia, his eyes on the window.

“No, no, no, no,” Jensen kept repeating. “This can’t be happening.”

“Jay-,”

“Don’t you call me that!” Jensen turned to her. “I don’t know how this happened but-”

“It’s okay, Jensen.” Claudia said totally calm. “I won’t say anything.”

Jensen shook his head, the urges to cry building up inside him. He couldn’t believe he had betrayed Y/N. He felt like the biggest scum bag. Jensen dropped on the seat, his eyes staring at the floor. He was lost, he couldn’t even think straight.

“I can’t believe I-,” he run his hands through his hair. “I can’t believe I cheated on Y/N.” Jensen was overwhelmed with guilt.

“Hey,” Claudia hold his chin, “Is okay. I won’t say anything… It’s really not a big deal. We were drunk, we had a couple drinks, shit happens.”

“You don’t get it, don’t you?!” Jensen glared at her. “I have a daughter with her. I’m supposed to get married with her! I love her!”

Claudia cocked an eyebrow, “I’m sorry but- you weren’t thinking about that last night.”

Jensen clenched his jaw, the guilt and rage building up inside him.

She sighed deeply, “What is done… Is done…”

Once completely dressed she turned to look at Jensen. He was still sitting on the chair, lost in his own thoughts. Claudia cleared her throat to gain his attention.

“I’m gonna’ go…” She pointed at the door with her thumb.

“Yeah,” Jensen scoffed with unbelief. “You do that.”

Claudia stood in front of him, “If you ever-”

“This - won’t happen ever again,” Jensen cut her off.

“I’m just saying if you ever feel like it… I’m down.” Claudia spoke freshly. “We had fun and I’m a good secret keeper.” She bit her lower lip, “Nobody has to know.”

“Get the fuck out of my room,” Jensen growled at her.

She nodded and shrugged, before turning and stroll out of Jensen’s room.

You took a moment to process everything Jensen just said. Tears went down your cheeks on their own. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t think straight, all you could do is stare into his broken eyes. You could see how heart broken Jensen was. You also could listen to your own heart shattering.

“Y/N,” his voice broke. “Say something.”

Your lips parted yet you couldn’t form words. You were completely in shock.

The two of you stood in the dark for a while, both keeping your silence but Jensen couldn’t take it anymore. He took a step forward, trying to hold you down yet you couldn’t hold him back.

Jensen dropped on his knees, hugging your legs, mumbling how sorry he was. He never stopped crying.

“Don’t touch me.” You spoke emotionless and with disgust.

Jensen looked up in an instant yet didn’t said a word. “No, baby, ple-

“Get out.” You said but he kept trying to hold you. ”I SAID GET OUT!” You screamed, pushing him backwards.

Jensen stared at you, sitting on the floor, his eyes only showed one thing: he was terrified.

“NO,” he let out, “let’s talk-.”

You leaned forward, the shock turning into anger. “I SAID GET OUT!” You yelled even louder and began to push him and throwing punch. “GET OUT!” You blacked out, letting yourself drown in the pain. “GET THE FUCK OUT!”

You continued to punch him until someone hold you backwards. It was Genevieve who hold you down as you tried to go forward and keep pushing him away. You watched Jared grab Jensen from the floor, confused of what was going on.

“GET THE HELL OUT!” You kept screaming. “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO Me?! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?!”

It was in that moment that Jared’s eyes went wide as he carried his best friend out of the house. Once they were out of your sight, you dropped on the floor, crying inconsolable. Genevieve hold you down into a hug, trying to console you with words but it was worthless.

You didn’t heard her, you didn’t understand her, all you felt was a void inside.

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#jensen ackles fics #jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #jensen x nina #jensen rpf #rpf #behind the story #i'm sorry for this guys.#don't think jensen would ever cheat but.. is just fiction; kay?

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achimsigsa-blog · 7 years

Text

Preface (1 / 3)

Greetings,

Earthlings!

This will be MY FIRST POST WHICH NOT RELATED TO THIS TUMBLR CONCEPT (yes, i was originally planning to fill the tumblr with food-only posts but i’m running out a space for writing decent posts apparently--and instagram won’t allow me to take that much space for an account with no blue thick on the right side of the username. HAHA. So, okay, let me tell you the main purpose of me, writing this post, is no other than extending my preface page from my thesis report. Having to put cute and witty words in thesis preface is strictly prohibited by my supervisor so in this chance, i’d like to elaborate (and add) some of my gratitude towards these lovelies people which sometimes i don’t deliver it properly. Maybe words could help me this time. Let’s see.

#1. MUN mates

I thought my college life would be dead boring, no fun and exhausting. Well, 3/4 of this statement were true. Most of my days were boring and exhausting because of the endless workloads from class and lab work. But honestly, i found fun while stepping into my 5th semester which they said it was full of awful lab works and assignments and hard courses. The fun was coming from these bunch of squishy peeepol. I remember the first time we held our 1st meeting in front of Perpus and i was coming awkwardly while saying hello to Maul and kak Ben (((WELL I DON’T REALLY REMEMBER THE FACES because i hide my face all the time back then, yes, i was too shy))) and you guys coming gradually until we are complete. It was only a complete delegate of ITS delegation for HN 2016 but right after 9 months of bonding, we are no longer just a delegation but a family to each other. Your first impression was really that strong to me--and i have told you my version on kak Ben’s farewell dinner--but now i’m seeing you guys 1000 times horrible than the first time. A horribly sweet persons. The one that i can always rely on making me less insecure through out these thesis days, the one that always cheer me up with your quirk jokes, the one that always being an ice cream companion ((and mostly kak Ben is all-time victim)), the one that always makes phone gallery full with beautiful faces that i will never forget, the one that always using my car as somewhat a racing car, the one that always provide me with good quality talks, and of course, the one that always makes me miserably longing for going back to only meet you for replenishing my energy. I’d personally mentioning all the members here and leave them a piece of my heart;

1. Kak Benyamin; You’ve been always good to me and you already know that I really, really adore you as my big brother which i’m always longing to have one. Thank you for taking a freaking good care of me and wrap me with your kindness and protect me from bad influence such as Irfanda. No, kidding. But seriously, you just like a hot chocolate brownie coming from the oven--a well baked cake which contains goodness in every layer of it. I wish you good luck for your new journey and let’s meet again in the future kak!

2. Kak Yosar; AH, THIS DUDE. You probably haven’t heard my first impression about you right? Let me tell you here (((and i don’t think that you will read this in the near future anyway))). You looked very attractive at first. At first, okay and past tense. Because I saw you with no motion at all. You were sitting still right across my row on the final simulation but America has altered my FI about you (referring to you look good on .jpg format only). But still in a good way tho HAHAHA. Thank you for bringing your yellow parka to US because i enjoy seeing you with that parka on (((despite i really want to wear yellow parka/raincoat while stomping a puddle in rainy days))) it brings happiness i don’t know how. Thank you for being a great friend of mine. Hope to bump each other someday and you still remember this petite friend!

3. Aidhil; Thank you for (unofficially) adding S.T right after my S.Si on my name. Thank you for trusting me from keeping your TV for some days and to recently jampe-jampein your ppt. Thank you for boosting my confidence in every practice session and tagging me along to have belut for the first time in 1267823491 years. We have pretty much in common actually--too many common friends. Ranging from your junior school friend and even your own cousin (which apparently one of my elementary friends). It’s always fun to have you around my papa bear. See you on Sept at Graha!

4. Ekky; HUHUHUH MY ESVICI PARTNER which always been a very patient yet very hard to reach by any kind of communication device. A Bangil pride. Thank you for teaching me on how to be patient and having a silent but gold personality. Thank you for bearing every esvici weight which i sometimes couldn’t bear it alone and you ended up doing my part also (AND I’M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR MATTER). I wish you good luck for your thesis Ky!! Oh ya, thank you for coming to my thesis defence it was a surprise visit and i was really glad to see you!

5. Darosa; MY QWEEEEN! You are the true role model (after Emma Watson). I am very, very pleased and delighted to have you as my best-girl-friend in this chapter of life! Thank you for teaching me how to be responsible and strong at the same time and showing me that woman is also capable to rule this world. Thank you for being my model especially while we are in 40 Berkeley HAHAHAH those gold old times.. Thank you for lending your precious ears to listen to my bored stories and times for a good conversations. Good luck for your thesis and you gonna nail it for sure!!! Let’s take a group pict on Wisuda with other 2013 gengs!!

6. Karina; My. Miserable. Friend. My. teman. seperjuangan. My. teman. sedih. My. partner. in. crime. My. indie. friend. My. up. to date. and. good. source. of. killing. boredom. friend. Thank you for letting me to ruin your college days just like you ruin mine. It’s always a great time while talking some shit and random stuff with you because you are surprisingly a walking search engine HAHAHAHA. Thank you Jo, for being a really good Surabayan people and making me less hating the city because your presence and others. Thank you for always telling me many good places to visit while i’m still in Surabaya and to feed my insta with good picture HAHAHAHAH. Good luck babe, it’s one step more to the final presentation and you gonna nail it!

7. Maulana; Oh you again. Everyone calls you bonsai and broccoli but I’m the only person who can call you with the most prestigious nick--U.P.I.L. Do you want to know the philosophy behind it? Ask me directly then HAHAHHA. Thank you for having an indecisive personality so i don’t feel like left alone because we share this character also HAHAHAHAH. Thank you for always volunteering yourself to take the steering wheel and drive very carefully. I hope you could find your princess soon so i don’t have to introduce you to my precious friends because you never do it to me as return!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH no, kidding, i only have my eyes for park chanyeol.

8. Arum; I. MISS. YOU. A. LOT. MY. DISEC. BUDDY. HOW. ARE. YOU. DARLING??? I miss eating together while having a random discussion with you and our girl squad :( I hope you always in a great condition and full of fortune! Thank you for being a really good friend and cute little sister to me. Thank you for being a great partner on council and bear the pressure together and still breathing after comsess end LOL and thank you for introducing me to webtoon world :)

9. Irfanda; Thank you for trusting me to take and process all your photos. Thank you for believing my skill in design and editing. Thank you for always making me istighfar every time your chat appear on my phone. You are my source of ujian keimanan. I hope I will not encounter any kind of irfanda in the future :) Thank you for colouring with black ink marker on this chapter of life. You will not be forgotten.

Your stories have been growing inside me and making a very deep root of mixed feeling. You have a big room on my heart. I will always cherish you in every moment of my life. Thank you, i love you unconditionally.

Best,

Honeystar.

#thesis #preface #for #friends

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xaandiir · 7 years

Photo

(Tumblr murdered the picture quality, please click on them to see them clearer)

Here’s my headcanons for the Dear Evan Hansen characters, including how they would sign their names :) I have more details regarding them and my headcanons below the cut!

Alana Beck

She’s a trans female butch lesbian who takes crap from nobody.

She has depression and distracts herself from it by getting really involved in anything and everything which is why she is does so much community service, internships, and club activities. She hates downtime.

She was bullied when she was younger because she was perceived as a boy who liked girly things.

When she reached high school she decided that she was tired of being bullied and so she officially came out to anyone and everyone and personally punched anyone that said something transphobic.

Her mother is very supportive of her decision and is helping her transition easier, as well as fighting the school when they insisted that Alana had to continue using the boy’s restroom.

Her father is distant and doesn’t like to be involved in her transition. It took him two years to finally use the correct pronouns but he continues to call her “Al” on purpose because it sounds more masculine.

Alana is planning on punching her father when she moves out of the house for being so terrible.

Jared Kleinman

He is a gay cis male and is well known at school as being the nerdy white “fuckboy” but he owns it anyway.

While he seems cheerful and such, he’s really lonely and knows that Evan is his only friend but he doesn’t know how to reach out to other people so he just kind of acts like a jerk so he can justify why people don’t like him.

He’s knees deep in League of Legends and probably will never pull himself out of his obsession.

While he has a bunch of followers on tumblr, he doesn’t talk about his personal life because he only gets 1 or 2 notes and it makes him feel bad.

He’s convinced that his parents like Evan more than they like him which is partly why he kind of treats Evan badly from time to time.

His “part time job” dream is to work at Best Buy but he can only land a job at McDonald’s or Lush.

Heidi Hansen

She is a bisexual cis female who grew up poor in her childhood.

She is very tired, all day every day, so her cheerfulness that she has in the musical is a mask that she only wears around Evan.

Half of the time when she says that she’s going to class, she’s actually going to her secret second job to pick up more wages to pay for bills.

While she sometimes fights with Evan about money, she refuses to stop taking him to therapy and getting him medication because she knows that his mental health is more important than fancy commodities.

Her ex-husband had depression and she always hated seeing the effects it had on him which is why she is so protective and concerned about Evan’s mental health.

While she can seem frustrated by Evan’s anxiety, she still loves her son as he is, and she wouldn’t mind if his anxiety never went away, even with the money and time spent with therapy and medication, because she knows that it’s not something that Evan can control that easily.

She is a very protective Mom™, but she can’t show it much because she’s always busy with work and classes.

Evan Hansen

He is a quoiromantic, asexual demiboy, but he hasn’t found the labels for any part of his identity yet.

He is very tall and big and so when people first meet him and don’t know him, they’re very intimidated, which plays into why he doesn’t have many friends.

He is on the autism spectrum.

He gets sensory overload a lot so he doesn’t eat in the cafeteria and usually eats in the hall outside the computer lab (since you can’t eat or drink in the computer lab).

He’s torn holes in his shirts and also stretched the hems too far due to his stimming and anxiety cues.

He chews on his nails a lot.

His favorite flower is the sunflower.

Zoe Murphy

She is a pansexual cis female who is Done With Everything.

She and Connor used to take piano lessons together before Connor quit and Zoe moved to stringed instruments.

She doesn’t like dresses or skirts and much prefers pants.

She’s always wanted to try cutting her hair to a pixie cut or undercut but she’s too nervous that she wouldn’t look good with it.

When Connor first started getting into drugs, she helped him hide it because he always promised that he would stop.

When it was clear he wasn’t going to stop, Zoe was the one to tell their mother.

After his first suicide attempt, Zoe slept in Connor’s room while he was in the hospital.

Milky Way is her favorite candy bar.

Connor Murphy

He is a gay and genderfluid/nonbinary (I can’t figure out which fits him better). He hasn’t figured out his gender and doesn’t really know that he can be anything but a boy, but he does know that sometimes he/him/his pronouns make him feel really uncomfortable.

He still remembers how to read sheet music and how to play Chopsticks on the piano.

He developed depression in middle school and struggled with it silently because he thought his parents had a stigma against mental illness (he was right).

He got into drugs in high school when a bad influential ‘friend’ told him that it would help curb depression symptoms. By the time Connor realized that his friend was completely lying, he was already addicted.

He is absolutely terrified to come out to his family as gay.

He’s always really liked Evan Hansen (as a friend or a crush, he never really knew) but because Evan was always with Jared, and Connor hates Jared, he always came off as angry and bitter.

Pot makes him really paranoid.

He loves nail polish but he’s never kept it on his nails for longer than one night.

Cynthia Murphy

She is a probably-straight cis female businesswoman (she’s never explored experiences with anyone other than men which is why I say probably-straight).

I honestly haven’t thought about her all that much because I don’t like her too much?

Connor was an accident and is what led her and Larry to get married.

She was pregnant with Connor when she was eighteen, just after high school graduation.

She’s always had a fantasy of the perfect nuclear family, and it seems she’s achieved that, but Connor being, well, Connor, has thrown a wrench into her dream.

She’s always kinda sorta resented Connor for ruining her life’s plan by being conceived (even though she’s the one who had unprotected sex).

She only drinks tea, and her favorite is a special herbal tea blend she makes by mixing a couple different brands of tea together.

Larry Murphy

He is a mostly-straight cis male businessman.

He had a fling with a boy one summer in his sophomore year of high school and still reminisces about it even though he’s never told anyone about the experience before.

He loves Cynthia but he doesn’t love her, y’know?

(He loved the boy from sophomore year.)

He loves sports a lot and still is incredibly disappointed that Connor doesn’t like spots like he does.

After Connor’s first attempt, he spent an hour crying himself dry and decided that he wasn’t going to let himself be so hurt, should something worse happen again.

Ever since then, he’s inflated Connor’s bad habits in his head so he would think of his son more like a criminal than his son.

Unfortunately after Connor died he was till torn apart inside but he successfully numbed himself and distanced himself from his emotions.

(Coincidentally, this was exactly what his dad did when he was younger.)

He really loves taking care of plants and wants to own a garden but he’s always too busy with work to successfully take care of one.

#dear evan hansen #deh #evan hansen #connor murphy #jared kleinman #alana beck #heidi hansen #cynthia murphy #zoe murphy #larry murphy #headcanons #xaandiir art #fave art

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