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momthesearemydinnerguests · 2 years

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"I'm right here, baby. Just breathe."

Dwayne x Trans masc reader. Hurt/Comfort. You have a dysphoria-induced anxiety attack at the boardwalk, and Dwayne stays back to comfort you.

Word Count: 1,054

TW: descriptions of gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, anxiety attack, unsafe binding practices, tobacco smoking

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You've been hanging out at the boardwalk with the boys again, as has become your Saturday tradition. You were already pretty blazed when you got to the boardwalk, and you’re feeling pretty good. Dizzy in the good way, the way that makes you feel light. The smoke doesn’t dull your senses (if anything, colors are actually brighter and sounds are clearer), but there’s a haze between you and them and you are floating above it peacefully. You and Marko are sharing a cotton candy bigger than your head, taking turns picking pieces off and throwing them at the back of Paul’s head, and Dwayne has his arm around your waist. Occasionally leans over to nip at your ears or neck when he thinks no one is looking. You’re following the sounds of the calliope toward the carousel at the far end of the boardwalk, hellbent on getting the most out of your money before security throws you out again, when it hits.

You’re not even sure what triggers it. Maybe it’s the way the bandage around your ribs rubs against your Iron Maiden shirt just wrong, or the way your own laughter sounds compared to the other boys, but suddenly you’re painfully aware of your own body. Of all the ways it falls short. The roundness in your cheeks, the fact that you’re almost a head shorter than everyone else here even with your platforms. Your chest begins to itch and get that plasticy feeling, like a cheap Halloween costume you can’t take off. You try to ignore it as long as you can. Try to focus on the conversations going on around you.

Dwayne must feel your shoulders sink slightly, though, because he tightens his hold on you ever so slightly and slows his pace to create some distance between you and the others. You lean into him slightly for comfort. As you start to Paul turns around to face you guys, walking backward without breaking his stride, giving you a mischievous smirk. “Yo, slowpokes. What’s the holdup? I wanna grab a bite before this place shuts down.”

Before David can tell him to be patient, Marko joins in. “Yeah, you lovebirds got somewhere else to be or something?”

“Yeah,” you pipe up, matching his smile and kicking a discarded cup in his direction. The bravado does a decent job at masking your discomfort. “Away from you idiots.”

Dwayne laughs a little at the salt in your voice and waves the others off. “We’ll catch up with you guys. Don’t worry, Pauly, I’ll take good care of him.” He gives Paul a suggestive wink, who nods his respect before pulling Marko into a headlock and dragging him ahead. Once you’re alone, Dwayne pulls you into a quiet spot next to one of the closed food shacks. “You good, baby?”

You start to say you’re fine, not to worry, but now that you’re alone the words stick in your throat. You shake your head and sink to the ground against the wall, picking nervously at the mesh sleeves poking out from under your T-shirt. For all your attempts to stifle it, your heart rate is increasing fast. The sounds of the boardwalk cut through the haze in your brain, louder and sharper because of the anxiety building in your chest, and it feels like walls closing in around you so you can’t breathe. Before you can stop them, your eyes feel with tears. And then you feel stupid for crying, so you angrily brush them away, but that only makes them fall faster. You start to pound at your knee in frustration, but Dwayne catches your hands and pulls you closer.

“Shh… It’s okay, baby. I’m right here. Just breathe. In four, hold four, out four, right?” He scoots over to sit next to you, wrapping a gentle arm around your shoulders but still trying to give you space to breathe. He touches your chest gently above your T-shirt, asking for your consent, before slipping his hand up under it and the bandage. You cringe a little as his fingers brush your breast, but the distance he creates between it and your chest does make it easier to breathe. “1…2…3…” You grip the lapels of his faded motorcycle jacket and squeeze your eyes closed, trying to focus on breathing along with his counts.

Slowly, ever so slowly, your breathing begins to even out again and eventually your heart rate decreases. Not back to its normal resting pace, not yet, but at least it isn’t threatening to jump right out of your mouth. You finally release your stranglehold on Dwayne’s jacket and your shaking hand wordlessly grabs for the cigarette tucked behind your ear. He lights it for you, and the two of you just sit in silence for a few moments while you let the nicotine work its magic. When you finally look back up at him, his brow is furrowed with concern and you can see the gears turning in his head as he tries to work out what went wrong. You immediately feel guilty for worrying him, and look down in shame. “I’m sorry for ruining the night.”

“Hey.” You feel his firm hand on your chin, urging you to look up at him. You hesitate, but obey. He looks deep into your eyes and wipes your tears away. “ “I’m a big boy. No one ruins my night except me, got it?”

“But-” The stern look he gives you kills the protest in your throat. After a second you nod. “Okay. If you say so.”

“There’s my good boy.” He leans forward to give you a quick kiss and then pulls you to your feet. “Now… you wanna go home?”

You shake your head. “No, that’s okay. Let’s find the others.”

Before he has a chance to ask if you’re sure, you start walking ahead. The anxiety is still there. The dysphoria still sits in the hollow place between your ribs, gnawing at you like an animal caught in a trap, but it’s quieter now, drowned out by Dwayne’s words echoing in your head. “My good boy.” My good boy. My good boy. You’ll wear those words like armor for the rest of the night, and whenever that animal gets too loud, you’ll lean over and ask him to say it again.

#the lost boys 1987 #lost boys 1987 #the lost boys #dwayne the lost boys #lost boys imagine #dwayne x trans reader #tw: dysphoria #tw: dysmorphia #tw: smoking #tw: unsafe binding #dwayne imagine

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thefvrious · 9 months

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@whatscanon said -> “Winnie the Pooh didn’t rock crop tops our whole childhood to watch us become unconfident about our bodies.”

lindy knows all of eddie's secrets -- she's his sounding board, his personal counselor, and one of the best friends he could ever ask for. he can talk to her about shit he wouldn't dream of bringing up to rick or gareth or even uncle wayne; personal shit, shit she can understand.

he can't lie to her, either. he's learned that over the years. she can see right through him like he's made of glass. it used to bother him, used to make him think he wasn't as good at playing the game as he thought he was, but then he figured out that as good as he was at crafting a mask and playing a character, lindy was better at peeling the mask back like some real life version of daphne -- you were the monster all along!

so, when it's summer time and he's still wearing that leather jacket and denim vest over his t-shirts, of course she knows he's in his head about the anatomy of it all -- the presentation of it all.

her comment makes him pull a face, looking at her curiously with big, slow-blinking eyes. yeah, well, i'm pretty sure winnie the pooh wasn't as fucked up about shit as i am. or, if he was, he was too stupid to realize it. he doesn't say before pausing and looking away to chew at the inside of his cheek, brows curved. "as good as i'd look in a crop top, it wouldn't be fair to put all the babes of hawkins through that." deflect, deflect, deflect.

#eddie munson ~ thread #eddie x lindy #whatscanon #tw: dysmorphia #sort of #but just in case

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queerbuckleys · 2 years

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Oh doin the double whammy dysphoria and dysmorphia tonight 💃💃💃that hasn’t happened in awhile

If anyone has a show suggestion or just wants to come chat and distract me from this hell it would be much appreciated 💕

#i cant even put on a sweatshirt cause it’s too god damn hot #i hate everything and everyone #tw: dysphoria #tw: dysmorphia #AJ vents

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livingfictionsystem · 4 months

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Scrolling through my memories lately and realising I didn't post ANYTHING while living with Tim Burton Edition Kalvin Garrah.

Like damn I really just disassociated through that entire period. Every day was just:

"Hey, love, I'm home!"

"I think I smelled like onions and that's a feminine scent and that must be why that homeless person called me something that sounded like 'woman.' Here's a Buzzfeed article for the top 15 reasons to starve myself."

Me, already breaking into the Franzia: "Uh-huh."

-Xanthe

#tw: dysmorphia #tw: eating disorder #eating disorder #kalvin garrah #transmed #self-hating trans #transgender

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t-a-k-a-k-o · 23 days

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Anyone else at the point they want to lose their period and don't care if they become infertile? I mean I can just adopt since there r so many unwanted children out there ┐⁠(⁠ ⁠˘⁠_⁠˘⁠)⁠┌

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beehoneyseyy · 9 months

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did i binge or did i eat the recommended amount of calories for someone my age?

#body dysmorphia #ed not sherran #tw ana shit #b0dy ch3ck #b0n3sp0 #i hate calories #i wanna lose weight #annarexya #⭐️ving #th!nsp0

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jokine · 5 months

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i wanna fucking rip my skin off

i hate how i look so much it makes me want to bleed so badly UGH KILL ME

#self h@rm #styroblr #i want to cvt #sh things #tw s3lf harm #tw self destruction #988blr #healing cvts #tw self destructive behavior #baby cvts #⭐️ving #ana rant #ana bllog #i wanna be skinnier #body dysmorphia

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astaroth1357 · 1 year

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Demonic Adjustments:

Content Warning: (fantasy) body dsymorphia

Lucifer: Had to get used to the extra weight on his skull added by the horns. His head would keep tipping from side to side for several days after the Fall as he worked out how to unconsciously keep them balanced. Dia thought it looked hilarious. He also kept getting wing cramps because he unconsciously raised them whenever he was anxious or irritated.

Mammon: Thought the straps over his shoulders and chest would dig into him too much so he'd just walk around completely bare-chested until Barbs made him stop. Discovered that if he got scared by something, he'd squawk REALLY loud. He had to task Belphie and Levi to pop out at him from around corners until he could get it under control.

Levi: Felt like his newly extended tongue was going to choke him if he kept it in his mouth, so he'd let it just droop out for the longest time. He'd have to wet it down to keep it from drying out too, so he would literally do the snake-tongue thing until Asmo got onto him for how creepy it looked. He had no idea how to sit on things with his tail so he would either sit on the floor or sideways in his chair until Barbatos coached him on big-tail etiquette.

Satan: Had a straight up baby giraffe moment when he first can into existence. Couldn't figure out how his limbs were supposed to work and flailed/flopped around for about ten minutes while growling and hissing at anyone who tried to help him.

Asmo: Originally had a scorpion tail, but it horrified him so much that he begged Lucifer to ask Diavolo to remove it for him. Dia eventually relented and ordered Barbatos to remove it and replace it with wings afterwards because that's what he's more used to having. Keeping the wings small and cute looking was Asmo's idea, of course.

Beel: Constant. Buzzing. He had restless wings when he first fell and being around him was like standing next to a buzzsaw. He eventually discovered that exercise was a good way to expend his body's extra energy and burn through his anxiety, so Barbatos set up a gym in the Castle for him. The buzzing stopped shortly after that.

Belphie: Would regularly wake up wrapped up in his own tail, so he took to clutching onto it in the night to "keep it under control." He had the hardest time walking/lifting his head due to the size of his horns. He would regularly get his head stuck in things because he would fall alseep in odd places and then his horns would get caught whenever his body shifted.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #“passing thought”#“barely proofread”#avoiding reading ulysses for class #bear with me #tw: body dysmorphia #tw body dysmorphia

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bpdpotato · 1 year

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Being ugly actually ruins your whole mood, I can't even sit in peace without thinking about how disgusting I actually look.

#mentally ill #bpd tag #body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder #actually borderline #borderline #actually bpd #actually bdd #tw bdd #bdd things

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lskamil27 · 8 months

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what a radiating smile!

#my art #illustration #fanart #fear and hunger termina #fear and hunger samarie #fear and hunger dysmorphia #tw body horror #horror #fear and hunger #f&h #f&h2 #samarie #i sketched out this samarie on sunday and really wanted to draw it #and then it looked so empty on a blank space soooooo...#teehee #i need to do more big pieces with the cast #this was so much fun... body horror my passion

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lostmf · 8 months

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I wish I could stop counting every bite ..

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ohdeerfully · 17 days

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can you do a lil story abt alasor x chubby reader? Idk I've been getting kinda insecure lately especially abt all my stretch marks so please and thank you! Have a nice day also I love your story's and stuff

rahh i just had to write something for this even though its at the top of my list. hopefully you like it, and i hope youve been feeling better lately! heres some sickeningly sweet fluff!! rather short, around 1.5k words

Bare

Alastor x Reader (fluff/comfort)

TW: body dysmorphia, insecure reader, alastor ooc but hes a cutie pie so its ok really (coping)

join my discord!

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You purse your lips at your bare reflection, turning this way and that to peer at the different angles of your body and its curves. The expression on your face turned into a frown as your eyes trailed over the stripes that decorated the conjunction of your stomach and thighs, evidence of the weight you had gained over the last year.

The atmosphere was all too uncomfortable, which only made you feel worse. A mediocre shower had left your hair damp and skin cold, and the light breeze that wafted from your slightly cracked window chilled you. Your towel was lying, discarded, by your feet, but you had become too engrossed in looking at yourself in the body length mirror to really take note of the goosebumps that pricked up your arms.

You looked away from the mirror and down at your legs, lifting and twisting one to get a better look at your thighs. You sighed at the sight. You thought you might cry, but you didn't want to cry—

“Cher,” A familiar voice made you jump to attention, head whipping up and almost knocking against the chin of the culprit had he not placed his hand in the way to halt your motion. “We don’t want to catch a cold now, do we?” His voice was uncharacteristically low, and it lacked the usual intonation of static.

You met Alastor’s red gaze through the mirror as he stood behind you, bent slightly so his head was level with yours. You were embarrassed, standing here naked in front of the Radio Demon, but you were frozen in place. His hands rested gingerly against your shoulders, trailing up and down your arms, slow and gentle.

You fought back the urge to shove him away when his hands strayed from your arms, traveling under them and wrapping over your stomach. You swallowed. Tears started to blur your vision as numerous racing ideas filled your mind, casting doubt on the genuine nature of Alastor’s affections. You paused mentally when you felt another light touch of his lips against your cheek.

You didn’t blink, worried that a tear may slip down and concern the demon behind you. You caught his gaze again in the mirror and he stood silently for a moment, studying your expression. You knew your eyes looked glassy and your lips were pressed tightly in a thin line, but you prayed to God—ironically enough—that he wouldn’t notice. His brows knit, creating a slight crease on his forehead, and you timidly stood there wringing your hands together. You felt so vulnerable, so scrutinized, because why else would he be staring at you so intently if it wasn’t to judge your bared body?

“What a sight,” He said suddenly, promptly placing a featherlight kiss on the crook of your neck. “How lucky is a man to have you all to himself?” He eyed your face and your body, but his gaze lacked the typical glare of lust and hunger that you would expect from a man. Instead, they only conveyed some tender, unspoken feelings of affection for you. As strange as it was to see such a look on Alastor, you had grown accustomed and welcoming of it.

There was still doubt in your mind, but you knew to trust the gentle words he spoke to the best of your ability. Alastor was full of lies and manipulation, but he was different behind the doors of your shared room. You knew a side of him that was, for him, as equally vulnerable as you were currently. So, though there was still a part of you that fought against the idea of him loving you despite what you found in yourself to be so ugly, you allowed the reassurance of his touch and words to calm your mind.

“Now,” He said, standing up straight once more. He gingerly picked up the damp towel by your feet, contemplated it for a moment, and then vanished it in a dark plume of inky smoke. “Let’s get you something warm.”

He lightly placed his hand by your shoulder blade, pushing you with the lightest pressure to maneuver you away from the mirror. You cast one last look at yourself out of the corner of your eye, but noticed he was still watching you. You quickly looked away with an awkward, breathless laugh. He pulled you closer to himself as he walked you towards the bed. With a gentle shove from Alastor, you sat lightly on the edge of the mattress, bouncing your leg as you watched him cross the room.

He hummed as he sifted through the closet of your room, a finger on his chin as he looked too concerned about picking out pajamas. You figured he was just trying to be silly to lighten your mood, and you appreciated it. Plus, you had to admit to yourself, seeing him look so serious at a bunch of old, oversized shirts did cheer you up.

He returned after a moment with a simple red top and fuzzy black pants. He motioned his finger to prompt you to lift your arms, which had subconsciously come to rest over your stomach. You obeyed, albeit with some hesitance, and bit your lip as you lifted your arms from their protective position.

“You know,” He spoke as he aided you in pulling your arms and head through the shirt. He paused his words for a moment to shake out the pants so the fabric was straightened, and then he continued. “If the Gods were to exist, I’d say your beauty would make them rather jealous. I don’t think art even portrays them quite as enchanting.”

“Oh, you flatter me,” You said with a light eye roll and a too-sarcastic tone in your voice that you immediately regretted. He didn’t seem to mind, though.

“Oh, but it’s true!” He argued back with a light smile. He tenderly lifted one of your legs and slipped the fabric of the fuzzy pajamas over, and followed suit with your other leg. You lifted yourself up with your hands so he could slip the waist over your hips.

He stood, looking down at you for a moment, again just analyzing you. It was easier to feel more comfortable under his gaze—as comfortable as anyone could possibly be with Alastor looking at them so intently—when you were clothed.

He ruffled your hair, accompanying the movement with a pleased hum, before turning and beginning to change himself. You shuffled yourself up the bed, resting your back against the headboard as you carefully watched him.

His coat came off first, slipping down his shoulders and hung carefully in the closet. Your eyes were immediately drawn to the fluffy red tail that flicked as the cold air breezed through the fur. You made a mental note to ask to pet it later—maybe he would let you if you told him it would make you feel better. He then pulled at the hem of his undershirt, tugging it up and over his head and then down his arms. His hair tumbled down in soft locks from the neckline as he popped his head from the shirt.

God, how embarrassing you probably looked right now, watching Alastor undress in front of you with the sickest, lovestruck eyes. If you were a drawing, there would probably be hearts floating all over your head right now.

He bent at the hip slightly to rustle through a drawer of his own night shirts, and you watched the edges of his shoulder blades and the slight curvature of his lean muscles shift and contort under his pale skin with every move he made. Your eyes traveled up and down his back, drawing mental images with the lines of scars that marred his otherwise smooth flesh.

Heat flushed your cheeks when he turned his head slightly, looking at you through the corner of his eyes, catching you ogling him. His grin only grew wider, though, before he finally threw on a loose shirt. What a tease.

He made quick work of his pants, replacing them with some comfortable sweats that looked almost alien on him, considering his usual attire. He joined you in the bed, his body creating a sizable dip in the mattress that made you fall against him. His arm snaked behind your back, coming to cup you at the curves of your waist and pulling you closer. He pressed a kiss against the top of your head before resting his cheek against it.

There would be no discussion about what had been bothering you minutes prior, and you were perfectly okay with it. Alastor was useless at emotional discussions, and in extension comforting you directly, but he could, to the best of his ability, comfort you through his actions and presence. A light, soothing jazz tune reverberated in the dark room, manifesting from his cane that sat against the wall by the bed. You closed your eyes and sighed, tangling your legs into his underneath the sheets.

You purse your lips, a light curve at the corners as you smiled at your previous idea.

“Al, my love,” You said softly, moving your head so he would lift his own off of it and look at you. His red eyes had a light glow in the dark.

“Yes, ma moitie?” He lifted his clawed hand and gently placed his index under your chin. Your next words made his body jerk and tense.

“Could I pet your tail?”

#ohdeerfully #hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #fluff #alastor x you #tw: body dysmorphia #dysmorphia #insecure reader #):#alastor tries his best really #love him

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