#update: i made this post the other day when i finished till this point i don't have it in me to continue further lmao ;-; | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pbandjesse · 1 year

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I've been avoiding doing my post for a while now. I just want to go to sleep so that today can be over. Today was very stressful. I'm just glad I got to see James.

Neither of us slept well last night. I never even pulled our blankets down off the bed and I slept the same way that I would normally sleep when I take a nap in the daytime. With a throw blanket at the end of the bed. It was really hot in here and I I had to go into the office to turn the heat down at one point because I was concerned about things catching on fire. I changed my pajamas a few times because I couldn't find a good temperature. Me and James would text sporadically because they were up and down all night apparently. Around midnight they move them from the ER to a room upstairs. And that's where they would stay until they would get ready to be prepped to go into the OR.

Wake up at 7:00 and got dressed and ready to go. I had nothing else I could focus on so I was going to focus on looking cute and being good at my job. And I think I did okay at both.

I got breakfast and drove out to camp. It was a beautiful day. And I would start walking around camp getting things ready. Elizabeth said she was going to go get coffee and that she would be back to help direct traffic. But by the time I had walked to the other side of camp to drop off some stuff at the lodge I found that all of the parents were already over there.

So I introduced myself and started walking them around giving them the lowdown on what they were going to be doing and where and when they should come back to the building for the intro. And everyone was just really great. I made some stupid mistakes. But everyone was super gracious about it. I read our schedule wrong because I was so distracted that I read it up and down like the schedule at the museum is instead of left to right. And so I gave some bad information but they ended up figuring it out and it was fine. I just felt very dumb. And I would walk around making sure the people had the supplies they needed and solving issues when things got broken. But I was very distracted.

When the kids got there they were very sweet. A handful of them are campers that stay there during the summer so it was nice that they could already kind of know the lay of the land. And the rules. And my intro went pretty well. I still think I could put a little bit more history in there and I think I just need to do more reading. I had a good time talking to them though and Elizabeth stayed for part of my intro and she said I did great. So that felt really good.

James texted me at 9:30 before the kids got there that they were getting prep to go into the OR. Surgery wasn't going to be till 11:00 and I thought it was going to be about 2 hours. Man did it feel longer than that.

After the first couple programs we had lunch. I warmed up the leftovers I brought from last night and went and read my book. I both started and finished my last Dear America book. I'm going to have to get some more I guess. This one was okay. I didn't love the story as much. It had some good moments and some good stuff that I'm going to be able to pull into the museum. About the famine and work conditions and garment factories. But it was not as engaging as some of the ones I've read recently. And then she died like 2 years after the story took place and that made me really sad.

I was just trying to be distracted because I wasn't hearing anything from James and everyone is contacting me to find out what's going on. And I just wanted to hear from them. Mom said that I should call the hospital and see if they could tell me what was happening. And so once I said goodbye to all the children I called and the woman on the phone was so nice.

I told her basically I didn't know what I was doing and that my husband was in surgery and I wasn't sure if I could come see them or anything. That I needed some kind of update. I have gotten so much practice saying my husband in the last couple days. It's going to lose its novelty. But she was really nice and she joked about HIPAA. Because I could be anyone. And because I knew James's birthday very quickly she told me that they were in the OR currently and that if I was there within the next half an hour I could get on the list to see them. I didn't quite understand what that meant but I was a half an hour away and I could do that. So I quickly called Elizabeth and booked it to the car as fast as I could.

I drove very fast. I was like 10 miles over the speed limit which is not horrible but faster than I would normally go. And the speed limits already around 65 on 83.

But I got to the hospital. I parked in the correct parking lot this time. And I ran across the parking lot to get to the front desk. The woman at the security desk was great and she told me exactly where to go. Gave me great directions. And I headed up to the fourth floor.

This is where things got a little stressful. The woman at this desk seemed annoyed. She just wasn't very personable. She probably has to deal with people being very scared and sad all day and it is probably very emotionally exhausting. But I was also just really confused and not sure even where I was. I thought James was going to be in their room already but they were still coming out of surgery. I didn't know that.

I was very surprised when she didn't take my ID or check me in. She asked for my name eventually. And then she gave me a number and the number corresponded to James. And then in the waiting room there was a big TV screen where it would flash the numbers and tell you where they were. Kind of like the airport. So you could see if the person you were there to see was currently in the operating room or in recovery or what. When I got there James was in recovery.

But I couldn't just go back and see them. I had to wait until they called my number. Well James's number. And then I would get a 10 minute visit. She kept saying that. 10 minutes. And then I would have to wait again. And I was sad. And confused. But I was just happy that I was going to be able to see James at all. And if I had to do it in 10 minute increments that was okay with me.

I actually didn't have to wait that long. I had left my backpack and everything in the car except for my phone and keys. So I didn't have anything else with me and I was sort of worried my phone was going to die but it was okay. Everything would be fine. Because very quickly I would get called back.

I did not expect James to be as fragile looking as they were. I walked back and they pointed me to curtain 14. And James had just come out of surgery. Maybe 5 minutes before. And they were in so much pain. I had never seen them like this before. They tried to claim that yesterday they were in more pain but I don't think that it was as extended as this. They looked so pale. And small. And it was scary. But I was so glad to see them.

I told them I only had 10 minutes but then not a few moments after that did a nurse walk over and say that I came with perfect time because they were moving James up to their room and I did not have to leave. And so I got out of the way so they could walk around and disconnect them from everything and we slowly made our way upstairs. There were more bumps than I was expecting. And James got Josh a little. But I was glad I could be in the room with them and get them settled.

A nurse would come and help James get some clothes on and help them stand up so they could use the bathroom. And she said that they were doing such a good job. That she was surprised that James was already standing. But James is so strong and I was very proud of them.

But they were hurting so much. I didn't really understand what had happened with their bone. They're left clavicle had snapped and when that clean break happened it tore their ligaments and that allowed the bone to go upwards at a 60° angle. That's why everyone was saying how did you do this. I still don't understand how it happened. But not only did they have to put a almost 10-in bar to pull their clavicle back down, James also had to get donor ligaments. They have 33 staples. It is impressively long. They also shaved James's chest on one side. And James does not want to see the wound or the X-ray. But I'm glad that I saw it so that I can understand more of what's going on in there.

I just want to be able to support them. I got there at 2:30. We were up in their room by 3:00. And I stayed with them until the sun went down around 5:00. I sat and held their hand and we texted everyone. They came and took vitals and I got them a new ice pack and made sure that James wasn't under playing how much pain they were in. James is very good at pushing pain to the side but sitting quietly with James and watching them grimace I was like you need to stop telling them that you're at a four. This is an eight. We compromised at a 7.5 but I cannot have them pretending that they are not in pain. I need them to be honest with a doctors and I don't think that they are understanding what the pain scale represents. Like yes this might not be a 10 because you can stand up but James my love you cannot move without gasping. It's unacceptable and I need you to be taken care of yourself. I just kept telling them that.

And I was still worried that they hadn't eaten. I kept refilling their water for them but they didn't bring them dinner and then the nurse shifts switched after I left and James didn't get food for a very long time. But they did feed them eventually. I'm not thrilled that it took until almost 8:00 p.m. but I am glad that they got dinner.

When I left I gave them a kiss and promise to come back for them when they were ready. I stopped at the nurse's station and asked for a new ice pack for them. And then I almost got ran over when a nurse ran past me because one of her patients was trying to get out of bed and he just had both of his legs amputated and I don't think that he remembered that. But I had to go get something to eat too. And come home.

I really wanted a salad but there are no salad works around here and so James suggested I went to the Panera. And that ended up being a disaster. It was $20 and it was terrible. The soup tasted like ketchup, the salad was so boring, and the grilled cheese was soft like they had microwaved it. And like if it was a $10 meal it would have been fine. I wouldn't have been thrilled and it wouldn't have been great but for $20 I was very upset. And because I was so upset I ended up just getting containers and taking most of it home.

But I was in the shopping center that has the PetSmart. And I decided that I was going to get something for our empty tank. And so I went in and they had aquatic frogs. Like pancake was. And so I bought all three of the ones that they had. I was only going to buy two but then I felt weird about leaving one behind. And the one was very fat. And I was excited about it. Me and James have named them waffle, omelette, and sunny side. Sunny side is the fat one.

And everyone around me in the store was so excited about these little aquatic rocks. Apparently they just got them in and the girl at the register had never seen them before and people in line were very excited about them too so I got to talk about them for a little while and that was fun. I hope they thrive in my tank. Because right now I think they're a little shell-shocked from being moved and are just kind of hiding in the moss at the bottom of the tank.

Coming home with a little tough only because there was a bunch of traffic and it was dark. But I got home and brought everything upstairs. And everything is okay. Me and James have been texting pretty constantly. And that has made me feel more secure at least.

I have had to put my foot down and decide that we are not going to travel for Thanksgiving. I really was looking forward to seeing my family but it's not safe with James just getting out of surgery. I do not want them in the car for 3 hours. I don't mind the drive. Tucker and Ann were both concerned about me driving that long but I make that drive by myself all the time that is not a problem. I'm more concerned that James is in pain and we don't know what tomorrow is going to look like. I don't know what healing's going to be like. So we need to stay home. Will do Thanksgiving with their godparents and that will be a nice new experience for me. And if James is feeling all right enough to be home by themselves next week I'll drive up on Friday like I was planning. Everything will be okay.

I got the frogs set up in the tank and checked in with a couple more people. I took a shower and I washed my hair and felt a little bit more like a person. I tried to play pokémon for a little while. But I finished so many of the tasks that it's not as fun as it was before. And then I was going to play the pokémon photo game but that wasn't doing it for me either. Maybe me and James will get the new pokémon game that just came out even with the flaws. Who knows. I'm not that concerned about it. I just kind of wanted something to distract myself but I didn't really want to sit in my studio.

Now though I've just been laying in bed and watching tik toks and texting James. But they just went to sleep. I think I'm going to poke around the apartment for a little bit longer. And try to get some rest.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to the museum around lunch time to work on some Christmas card stuff. I'm not 100% sure how it's going to work but I appreciate the distraction. And then when James is ready for me to come get them that is what I will do. We think that they're going to be allowed to leave around 4:00 but I don't exactly know. It's 24 hours from the antibiotics starting. Three rounds of antibiotic bags. I was there when they got there first one and I think if it's 24 hours from that one it would be about 4:00 p.m. but I don't know what they'll decide. And it seems like people get discharged at all different times. I will be ready whenever that is for my James.

Thank you for thinking of James and us and me and let's just keep hoping that James will be okay. I love them very much and I just want them to be safe and happy. So this is very hard.

Good night everyone. Please watch for bikers while you're driving. Everything happens so fast.

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yoshimonster · 10 months

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Blog Post #4: It’s Dance Time

So I didn’t write a blog earlier, even though I definitely could have after all of the dancing I did. It was a standard Friday and honestly I can’t wait to not go back next week. I honestly hope that I have significantly turned over my life in other aspects so that my default the ongoing dance sting will reduce. I’ve heard that bad things only get better if you put enough time and energy in other aspects of your life.

Well, honestly things can’t get any worse. They probably can but I am really hoping they don’t. I actually spent forever today cleaning my room and it was quite an intense endeavour. I think I’ve probably cleaned about 50% of it and honestly I have to keep it this way to avoid future conflicts and issues with finding stuff. The way that I’ve just been so unaware yet aware of random stuff in my room is actually ridiculous. And to be honest, the only reason I am moderately aware is because of unavoidable developments that happened in my life over the past year/year and a half.

The (post?) pandemic boredom is actually hitting pretty hard – it feels like I’ve woken up from a long slumber where I was the only one dreaming. Like those dreams you have where you fall but never really hit the ground at all. Constantly in between two locations; your neither on the ground or on the cliff – just up the air somewhere sort of lost, floating like the breeze. Unfortunately, the pandemic made me re-evaluate more than just surviving studies wise, it also made me re-evaluate my life habits at home and definitely we still spend way too much time at home with this recession happening all around the world. I guess this is actually a blessing in disguise but as usual I’m so very accustomed to that instant gratification lifestyle.

Right now, I’m cram watching Haikyuu, a sports volleyball anime, which is extremely popular, though I’m fairly late to the train, so I can talk about more with my friend. The origin story in Episode 1 is so heartwarming and the animation is so beautiful; to draw like that would actually be so cool! Alas, it really isn’t my forte.

Besides that, I tried to have an honest conversation with parents but it did turn into a lecture as usual. I think my point was mostly about expressing care in various ways, which if I’m being completely frank, they have done more than enough. It just sucks that things weren’t more clear to me earlier in life and I really missed quite a few experiences with them. It also has to do with how much I use technology and how I never really was physically bored enough to try to be more creative. These days I’m working on it and sometimes time just flies and other times it really doesn’t. There’s so much to catch up on!

Finally, just a quick update from this morning and Saturday, have sort of resolved the money situation with the Taylor Swift tickets it will cost me quite a bit but hopefully will be able to be a bit more conscious moving forward. Another thing, I have been feeling much better about my room – I finally cleaned more than half of it and am going to finish up while catching up on YouTube/Barbie movies. The amount of plans I’m making is actually insane – like this is what I get for being a hermit all semester long. I also am going to do more maths revision, haven’t done so for a few days now because of the room situation.

If you guys made it till this end, thank you so much, although I’m pretty sure no one in reading this update about my life. But yep as usual, will be dreading dance again every Friday – it’s basically a weekly humbling/ridiculing session directed at me. What a high case of self-consciousness that is. I honestly found it better to perform when I was in newer environments.

-yoshimonster-

#daily blog #haikyuu #dance practice #self introspection #humble #ridicule

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artbycarlyh · 2 years

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Twitter Raffle Prizes | Commission Alts | Major Updates (9/28/22)

I know it’s roughly been 3 months since I last posted anything, but a lot of stuff happened and I wanted to make sure I had something done before I give out all the big news.

Getting the content stuff out of the way first: I’m proud to say that we’ve reached the threshold of reaching 400 followers on Twitter. We’ve already put up an art raffle to celebrate everyone’s support thus far, which was one of the reasons we took so long to update, but they’ve finally been finished.

First place prize full body prize goes to LewdSabby, featuring their FF14 Au Ra OC Igna. (an MMO I really wanna play at some point.) This one took a lot of attention for since there were so many details to work with, which may or may not be a blessing for my artistic mind. lol

Second place half body prize goes to Winfrfx of March 7th, a character from the MMO Honkai: Star Rail, which was made by the same people behind Genshin Impact.

And the third place headshot goes to DrCoeloCephalo of Waluigi. I’m pretty sure this was actually my first time drawing this character despite me drawing Mario related stuff for so long. Maybe I should do an art challenge around the Mario universe as a practice of sorts. lol

In terms of other thresholds, we’re just close to reaching 200 on DeviantArt, while sites like Youtube and Instagram are at the half way point of the same amount. The Facebook page on the other hand still seems to be going strong with almost at around 500, even though it hasn’t been used as much. Regardless of which platform though; every bit of your support really counts, so the more people aware of our stuff, the better the support! Thank you all for really taking your time to appreciate the work we do and we hope to continue doing so, wether it’d be the art or videos we make.

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Now onto some of the important stuff. As of recently, we’ve decided to temporarily close our commissions for a little while. Reasons why is mainly because of PayPal. How so? About a week ago, they’ve decided to update their terms of service to where if you use them on connected platforms like Patreon and Ko-Fi, they will use bots to scan those sitesto prove you’re not doing any malicious means. Which is why I changed the title for the tier $3 subscription.

Thankfully they didn’t came after me since I barely make any big profits with PayPal, but it’s been affecting a lot of NSFW and big artists as of lately. As a precaution, we’ve decided we’re going to update our commission T.o.S. by expanding our payment options to services like Stripe and Cash App as alternates. Once we’ve taken care of other behind the scenes stuff, our commission sheets will be updated with these new services in mind. (As well as future options like the prices for character stills and comics.)

Another big change that happened lately is Clip Studio’s new subscription servicethey’ve started. If you’re wondering my thoughts about it… I’m not gonna bother with it and stick with the old version I have. Chances are if they will eventually stop the updates for the old version and the program will no longer works on my MacBook (which roughly seems to get updates at least almost monthly), I’ll look into using Krita as an alternative for when that case comes. (Lord knows I’m not going back to Affinity Designer!)

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Livestreams are also gonna be closed for a while now, mainly because I’ve finally gotten back to work on my part time babysitting job and its been paying my time greatly. It also gave me a lot of time to reflect on how miserable I was, just sitting at home and barely making a weekly profit and a crappy powerpoint performance with barely any recognition at all.

Blue will still be around the livestream area from time to time collabing with other creators, but in terms of streaming on our end, everything will be on hold ’till we eventually find free days or upgrade to an actually gaming PC overall.

Other content in terms of videos are still gonna be a thing every once in a while. As of now, we’ve been recording footage for a Dragalia Lost video that’ll be made in the future. We’ve also already started our script for the Fire Emblem Awaking review, and we still plan to do more voice reels, speedpaints, and gaming highlights as well. (Especially the latter one, we’ve got so a handful of titles that’ll make for great compilations.) We’ve also managed our money to buy FL Studio as of recently, so you may expect a slight improvement for future voice reels and other audio related stuff. ;3

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So yeah, these past few months have been really helping me get on the right track. I will say this year had been nothing but rough on my mental health due to personal issues; but now that I’m getting paid well and buying more things again, there’s now a brighter outlook coming towards the end. Let’s hope for more silver linings to come my way. I want to be at my best, not just by creating, but attitude overall. I won’t let you all down!

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tarosin · 3 years

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the great adventures of y/n tommy jack and tubbo

requested: yes/no

an: part 4 of the great adventures series

pairing: platonic y/n/tommy/jack/tubbo

warning: cursing

It was the afternoon before your new adventure with your friends. you had no idea what to expect, however everyone else knew even ranboo, and he wasn’t even joining you all. you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous, especially after hearing some of tommys plans for future uploads. tubbo had been trying to drop hints about what was going to happen. You honestly couldn’t tell if he was excited or nervous, either way you could tell it was going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity and boy were you excited. the sound of knocking pulled you from your thoughts.

“hi y/n! sorry for the unexpected visit, i tried to call you but it wouldn’t go through.”

“oh god sorry, tubbo, my phones on charge upstairs, ive just finished babysitting my friends twitch chat.”

“that’s okay, tommy wanted me to see if you want to stay the night as i can take you with me now. he said something about it saving time tomorrow as jack won’t have to go as far and we can get there earlier, i honestly just think he’s slightly nervous and wants to spend time with someone.”

“i’ve not prepared a bag or anything as i was just planning on grabbing everything i needed in the morning, but i’m down to go with you. i’ll pack a bag real quick, make yourself feel at home. you can stay down here or come upstairs with me.”

tubbo followed you upstairs, and helped you pick which outfits would be the best to wear for the trip. around 10 minutes later you finished packing your bag and turned around to see a very pale tubbo, dropping your bag to the floor you pulled a chair up to your bed sitting opposite him.

“you feeling okay tubs?”

“just nerves, I'll be alright, are you ready to go?”

“ready if you are!”

the journey to tommys was relatively quick, you spent it talking about group plans for when ranboo comes to the uk.

tubbo: almost here!

tommy: yes! want to stream for a bit later, just something small could do laugh and the stream ends. i’ll go talk to my mum now!

•••

tubbo: please open the door

tommy: on it

the pair of you stood at the door waiting for tommy to unlock it

“TUBBO! Y/N I'M GLAD YOU COULD BOTH MAKE IT!”

not too long later, you and tubbo had put everything away and sat with tommy planning out a small stream.

“so i was talking with my parents and we can do an outside stream, and set fire to marshmallows!”

“as much as i love fire tommy i don’t think your parents will appreciate arson in the garden.”

“it’ll be fine now grab a jacket, we need to go walk to the shop.”

the three of you set off determined to get to the shop and back before it got dark, tommy and tubbo walked on either side of you as they want you to feel safe. thankfully the shop was only around the corner so you were all only out for about 20 minutes maximum, you probably could have made it back earlier but you stopped every time you saw a pretty rock.

“y/n come on we still need to stream!”

“did you tweet that you were streaming?”

“no he didn’t.”

“then come and look at this pretty rock!”

tommy and tubbo couldn’t help but laugh at how many rocks you managed to pick up.

•••

“guys i think i’d rather just spend time with you all rather than stream.”

“that’s fine, tommy!!”

the three of you sat around the fire updating one another about plans and opportunitie, coming. the conversation swiftly came to an end when tommy had set fire to a stick claiming it was to make the fire grow. you laughed as you heard his mum yelling at him to stop trying to set you and tubbo on fire.

“sorry about that everyone, but look the fire is big again.”

it got colder as the sun went down, so the three of you sat with a blanket draped over you all. his mum offered to take photos for you and you happily accepted, the pictures looked amazing and you posted it to instagram with the caption ‘i am cold and no one is telling me what’s happening tomorrow.’

it was around 11pm when the three of you agreed it was time to go back inside and sleep.

•••

you and tubbo stayed downstairs and tommy stayed in his room. the sound of tubbos alarm woke the pair of you up.

“turn that fucking thing off!”

“this is the fourth time it’s gone off and you’re still not up?”

“that’s because i’m tired.”

“please get ready jack will be here soon enough.”

realisation finally hit today was the day you were finally about to find out what this once in a lifetime opportunity was. tubbo advised you to wear sensible clothing and not wear the zodiac necklace you always wore, so you decided to wear the hoodie ranboo sent you a week ago and leggings.

“y/n you might wanna tie your hair up.”

“tubbo are you sure you’re feeling okay? you genuinely look ill."

“i’m fine.”

jack: right i’m outside so whenever you’re ready

lani: we’re making our own way later on as the hotel we stayed at is closer

y/n: will someone tell me what we’re doing

ranboo: no

y/n: you’re not even joining us how did you get in the gc

ranboo: magic

y/n: fuck off give me a clue

ranboo: i’ve said it since you dyed your hair neon f/c you’d be able to see from way up in the sky

y/n: what the actual hell is that supposed to mean

•••

soon enough you met up with everyone else and lani started recording.

“we’re skydiving, you ready tubbo?”

“WERE DOING WHAT? HOLY SHIT!”

you honestly couldn’t wait to do this. it was something you had wanted to do for a while, tubbo on the other hand clearly didn’t agree, which was evident through his whining.

you stood with tommy laughing as tubbo sat alone questioning why he agreed to this.

“look at him.”

“he’s is not happy.”

you sat next to jack and tubbo watching the video demonstrating what you will all be doing soon. you let out a nervous laugh, as although you were excited, you couldn’t help but be a bit nervous.

“you could fall into the engine and get chopped up.”

“tommy stop scaring tubbo!”

“what if the parachute doesn’t work?”

“free fall to your death.”

“y/n you’re not helping!”

you stood recording tubbo laying on the floor once again whining.

“tubbo there are so many people behind you!”

“i’m sure the parachute won’t fail tubbo, but if it does it was lovely knowing you!”

“uuuuuuugh!”

“i fully agree bo.”

soon enough you tommy and jack joined tubbo on the floor.

“look at the clouds.”

“we’re going to be in them soon.”

“hell yeah!”

“ughhhh!”

you tried not to laugh trying to calm tubbo down a bit before you all jumped out a plane, which worked until you left him alone with tommy whilst you spoke to jack for a while.

“to be fair that looks quite fun.”

“and dangerous!”

“STOP!”

“well sounds like tubbos thrilled to be here.”

the four of you sat on a bench talking about what’s going to happen, and laughing at tubbos nerves trying to make light of the situation.

“look it’ll be fun, tubbo, provided we don’t die there’s a chance we’ll be in more vlogs.. okay so ignore the black cloud of smoke!”

“that’s not a good omen.”

“shut up!”

you wrapped an arm around tubbo trying to make him feel comfortable and reassure him it’ll be fine, only to be interrupted by jack and tommy bickering about eating before jumping from the plane.

•••

the four of you went to the briefing, at this point you were struggling to contain your excitement, and couldn’t help but laugh out of pure joy.

“no, they are listening, they're just excited.”

after doing training for the jump, you stood with tommy whilst someone questioned him about how he got 9 million subs.

“I just went around being incredibly cool.. doing minecraft.”

you and jack burst out laughing whilst tommy went on to make jokes about how much money he was earning.

•••

it was now almost time to jump out a plane. it was around now nerves were kicking in, so you all went around messing about till you were told it’s time to make your way to get ready.

“let’s go gamers!”

•••

“are you a skydiver enjoyer?”

“i am.”

“well that’s always good... please, don’t let me die!”

“y/n are you scared?”

“no, my ranboo merch will protect me, but if i die can we blame tommy for coming up with this?”

“ranboos not going to believe that you’re wearing the jumper he sent you to jump out a plane.”

a few minutes later you over heard a worker say they’re nervous causing you to tilt your head and blink again, trying to process what was said.

“heh???”

it was now time for the four of you to put the equipment on, so you were ready to jump. jack started talking a lot more than usual at a quicker pace due to the fact he was getting nervous. tommy pointed it out and jack trying to argue he wasn’t made you laugh.

“y/n keeps making a lot of jokes about my parachute being shit.”

“sorry manifold should be fine...more than likely...hopefully. only time will tell really.”

“how you doing buddy?”

“i’m feeling okay. i feel my insides doing inside bits.”

“wonderful!”

you were now all waiting to go as a worker jokes about forgetting something.

“y/n you’re going with him!”

“okay, but why?”

“well you said your ranboo merch will protect you..”

someone went by going rather fast causing you to stare in awe.

“we don’t go that fast, do we?”

“no not unless something goes terribly wrong.”

you all stood there laughing.

“stoppppp!”

“y/n, i’m now thinking you should go with them instead!”

“are you trying to kill me off jack?”

•••

you all set off towards the plane, a mixture of excitement and nerves began kicking in.

“tubbos on a lead.”

“oh i’m really nervous jack.”

“look at y/n!”

lani began to record you, who was now way ahead of the others, so you stopped and waved at lani.

“BYE LANI! HOPEFULLY ILL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!”

the others caught up and everyone had their equipment checked again.

“oh dear.. should be fine.”

“i’m alright, don’t worry my ranboo merch will protect us!” you got on first and that when you realised they set you up, so you jumped last as you were more confident and tubbo was jumping first so he could get it out the way.

you all sat on the plane and waved at the camera.

“hi there!”

“hello!”

“hi!”

“please don’t let us die!”

“we’re really jumping out a plane with a dream stan.”

“this is the highest we’ve ever been.”

“gamers in a plane whatever will they do...hopefully not die!”

“Y/N!”

“sorry tubbo!”

you were currently at 2,000 feet and sat looking out the window waiting to reach 14,000 feet. jack turned to you and tommy, “i can’t believe you’re jumping out the plane in philza merch and y/ns jumping out in ranboo merch.”

“if i die at least ill look great doing it.”

12,000 feet later it was now tubbos turn to jump, he looked back at you all.

“YOU GOT THIS TUBBO!!”

you watched as tubbo went.

“GOOD LUCK TOMMY!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOOD LUCK? Y/N?”

“BYEEEEE!”

you laughed as tommy went.

“see you later jack!”

you gave jack a high-five and watched as he went.

“holy shit they actually did it!”

“are you ready, y/n?”

“hell yeah, let’s do this!”

you laughed as you jumped, you couldn’t believe you actually got to jump out of a plane, you waved at camera.

lani met the others as they landed and began telling them about it.

“wait where’s y/n?”

“there they are!”

“Y/N!”

the others ran up to you as you landed.

“i’m glad you didn’t die!”

“thanks jack!”

•••

“would you all do it again?”

“yeah.”

“no.”

“maybe, i’m not sure.”

“i reckon so.”

not too long later, you were all given certificates to celebrate the fact you had jumped out a plane.

“yay it made nearly dying worth it!”

“you’re so dramatic!”

•••

you thought the day was over and that you were going home, little did you know that wasn’t the case.

“were not done for the day.”

“what?”

“heh?”

“you’re tilting your head again.”

“i know it’s because i’m confused!”

“anyway, what do you mean we’re not done?”

“you know george, he’s arrived!”

“gogy!”

“GOGY!”

“can i have a nap in the car please? i’m so exhausted."

taglist:

@l0ver0fj0y

#mcyt x reader #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt writing #mcyt imagines #mcyt imagine #tommyinnit x you #tommyinnit x y/n #tommyinnit fluff #tommyinnit imagine #tommyinnit x reader #tubbo x you #tubbo x y/n #tubbo fluff #tubbo imagine #tubbo x reader #jack manifold x you #jack manifold x y/n #jack manifold fluff #jack manifold imagine

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hxneydreamers · 3 years

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Hello, could u share your journey in the law of assumption and how u started and what progress you've made till now, what you had trouble with at first and how you resolved them, and finally what concepts made everything click for you and made manifestinf super easy like being on a roll for you? And thank you for starting this cool blog 😊

Hey! I'd love to!

I'll first point out that I am still learning and whilst I am here to help people manifest, I am learning alongside you! I want you to know that I am very well educated on the law of assumption, and I am also currently manifesting an SP. I have manifested lots of things in the past (like traveling, meeting a celebrity crush, as well as multiple specific people including my current SP), but I never really pushed through because I never properly tried. I was always on and off my game for a number of reasons, so I would receive my manifestations, but not in full, and this was all because of my self-doubt and self-concept.

I first discovered manifesting with the Law Of Attraction a few years ago after watching the documentary 'The Secret'. I had NEVER EVEN HEARD about manifesting before, and I felt like it was a bit far fetched.

For a very long time, I was extremely non-religious, I didn't believe in God or magic, the afterlife, spirits, fate, NOTHING! I was the biggest non-believer out there. When I watched 'The Secret' I tried to simply change my attitude to be positive as much as I could so I would only attract positive things in my life, and I noticed it worked for a little while, but it wasn't anything significant. I pretty much forgot all about manifesting very quickly, because I never took it seriously.

The next year one of my friends was obsessed with the law of attraction and twin flames and all that spiritual stuff, and she was trying to convert me a bit. I was intrigued by the concept, but I didn't really believe in any of it at all. I just liked making vision boards with her for fun. I never took any of it seriously.

My friend made me go to a psychic with her for fun one day and I resisted and said no, but I eventually gave in because I got curious. Seeing this psychic was extremely earthshaking. I won't go into detail about my experience with her, but some things happened that pretty much changed my view of life and way of thinking. I was much more open to the possibility of things like manifesting.

A year ago, 2 people close to me sadly passed away. I felt very lost and I spent many nights awake and I stumbled across 'Sammy Ingram' on youtube and discovered the Law Of Assumption. I began to binge watch her videos and I did sooooooo much research about the law. I was immediately obsessed.

I started manifesting text messages and instant replies and dates so easily because I was so excited about it and felt no doubt that it would work.

I had success manifesting an internship, consistent shifts at work/consistent money flow and other money manifestations, I manifested dating a specific person (but I ended it for natural reasons), I manifested another specific person literally within a night, just to see if I could do it, and I manifested my current specific person as well (we have a past).

After these successes, I ended up having to deal with some personal issues with my grief for a while, as well as finish my studies, AND my internship, which took my mind off manifesting, and as a result, I manifested negative circumstances in many areas of my life, because I let myself spiral.

I won't tell you the old story too much, because I don't want to revisit it, but basically, for years I had been stuck in a cycle of being abandoned. I felt unlovable and my self-esteem was quite low. All of these beliefs were reflected in many ways, and I was constantly worrying about everything. My internship became toxic and I wanted to leave, my relationship also ended temporarily, and my self-concept was very very very bad!

I felt like I was obsessing over everything in my life going wrong and I wanted to manifest my SP because I thought that he would fix everything, but by putting him on the pedestal I was stalling.

As soon as all this happened, I was of course upset, HOWEVER, I had suffered so much loss at that point that I was determined to make sure that I turned my life around. So I decided to manifest ending my internship naturally, rather than me leaving or being dismissed.

I started visualizing a conversation with my superior where they told me that something came up and we would have to pause the internship.

Literally, two weeks later, he met up with me and told me this exactly, and he said that the decision was ultimately up to me if I wanted to continue later or not. So I said that the timing would not work with my studies, and I successfully manifested leaving the internship naturally.

Next, my SP.

- I literally went to sleep every single night repeating my affirmations.

- I affirmed every single day, I affirmed through tears and I affirmed with my friends. EVERY CHANCE I GOT!

- I started affirming from a place of peace, indifference, faith, and trust that it would work out

A week later we were back together again.

My struggles with the law were mostly that:

- I KEPT CHANGING MY AFFIRMATIONS

- I was on and off my mental diet

- I kept looking for confirmation in the 3D

- I kept repeating the old story

- I focused too much on my SP and not enough on me

About 2 months ago, I had a breakthrough where I decided I needed to completely change everything in my life to put myself in control.

- I started listening to music that made me feel extremely happy and would watch movies and shows that put me in a great mood

- I decided to pick my affirmations and stick with them NO MATTER WHAT!

- I started having a better mental diet, and I noticed results immediately

- I started being able to say 'I don't care what I see, I'm getting my manifestation, and genuinely feeling relaxed and peaceful about it

Once I shifted the focus onto myself and even took some space from my SP, I felt amazing 24/7 and my mental diet was practically perfect.

He has started implying that we are a couple, I don't feel needy, and don't even text him much anymore, he is the one chasing me and constantly blowing up my phone. He is constantly asking to see me, begging me even. He initiates ALL CONTACT NOW! Finally, the whole tone of our relationship has changed and our interactions have been extremely amazing! I have never felt so confident in myself and I can see it reflected in how he treats me.

I manifested him in steps to build our relationship to this point, and I didn't want to begin manifesting commitment until I felt my self-concept was perfect, as I want a healthy relationship with him. Now I am finally beginning to manifest the final stage: official commitment, and I am certain that I will get it!

My biggest tip based on my own experience is to:

- Persist in the same affirmations.

- Do not affirm from a place of desperation and lack

- Keep yourself busy and prioritize yourself and your life, they must reflect this and prioritize you as well

- Trust that it is done and don't check the 3D for confirmation

- If you started having negative thoughts, PERSIST! Do not be discouraged!

- If you know that you have been doing everything right, but suddenly everything feels wrong and your negative thoughts are coming out all at once and/or the 3D looks like shit, you could be in a transition period. THIS JUST MEANS THAT YOU ARE FINALLY GETTING RID OF THE OLD BELIEFS AND YOUR MANIFESTATION IS REALLY CLOSE! SO PERSIST THROUGH THIS!

So for whoever is reading this, please remember that I am here to help you, AND I am on this journey with you! We are all human and none of us is perfect!

I'll share updates on future manifestations in the future, but this is my story so far and my current manifestation in progress!

I will probably make a post in the future about past manifestations such as celebrity crush and travel etc.

#manifest #manifesting #manifestation #law of assumption #neville goddard #affirm #affirmations #persist #self love #self concept #self worth #healing #spirituality #law of attraction

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rosaliestark01 · 3 years

Text

Dusk Till Dawn - Part 8

Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You play double agent while the Avengers search for you.

Warnings: more swearing than usual, angst, violence

A/N: @annies-marvel-imagines will no longer be posting more parts, but she will still receive credit.

You paced around Ezekiel's secret hideout and realized several things. The first thing is that there was no way that these two individuals managed to get their hands on such high-level tech by themselves. The second was that Ezekiel obviously lied about being your dad. The third was that Ezekiel most definitely had enough money to get a less crappy apartment. The fourth and most crucial thing you realized was that you'd have to play along with their plan longer than you wanted to.

Judging by the number of meals you've gotten, you'd guess you've been there for three days. It was hard to pretend that you wanted to wipe out the Avengers, but you had to remind yourself that this was just another mission. Except, you didn't have your suit or any means of contacting your team. Plus, the Avengers had no idea where you were, what you were doing, or what you were trying to do. You were on your own.

"Don't just stand there, you spoiled brat. Help us out," Eloise yelled at you.

Another thing that made it hard to act like you were on their side was the constant feeling of wanting to strange Eloise every time she opened her mouth. She honestly reminded you of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.

"What the hell is this thing?" you ask as you approach the strange metal box that Eloise and Ezekiel had struggled to get out of Ezekiel's truck.

"You like it?" he asks, causing you to furrow your eyebrows. Was this guy serious?

"Did your ears suddenly stop working, or are you just that bad at listening to someone else's shit for once?" You say without thinking. The strange looks from them tell you that it was the wrong thing to say, so you backtrack. "Sorry, I'm still a little nervous about all this."

"It's fine," Ezekiel mutters, coughing awkwardly before becoming grave. "As long as you do your job, you have nothing to worry about."

"What's that supposed to mean?" You ask, suddenly becoming defensive.

"This is your new suit." Eloise snarks, clearly trying to get everyone's attention back onto the metal box. She pressed a button, causing it to open.

Inside was a suit that looked similar to your dad's iron suit, but instead of red and gold, it was black and purple.

"Why does it look like that?" You ask. Why would they base the suit off of Iron Man's suit if they hate his guts?

"We figured you'd like an upgrade," Ezekiel beamed proudly. You're assuming that he was the one who built it, but you weren't ready to jump to conclusions. The guy already had trouble figuring out how to open the microwave. "Your old suit seemed..."

"weak," Eloise rolled her eyes as she finished his sentence.

"It was flexible and bulletproof," you defended. The suit you always wore worked well for years. Who do these people think they are? "I made it with my d- with Tony Stark."

"That explains a lot." She crosses her arms as she stares down at you with a judgmental glare. "Trust me. If you're going up against the Avengers, you're going to want to wear this. It'll protect you better than that flimsy piece of shit you always wore before."

"Fine," you mumbled, remembering that it is in your best interest to pretend that you agree with them.

--------------------

Peter felt like he was drowning.

He'd never gone this long without knowing if you were okay or not, and it was killing him. Without you, his Peter-Tingle, or Spidey-Senses as you called it, felt like a timer he couldn't shut off. He wasn't sure if it had to do with the fact that he was worried out of his mind or if it meant that you were in danger. Maybe both?

What was worse was that he had to pretend everything was okay. Happy was in the hospital, you were missing, and the Avengers were moving heaven and Earth to find you, but he couldn't join them. May and the Avengers insisted that he let the "adults" handle this. Did it ever occur to them that you matter to him just as much, if not more?

"Hey, Pete?" Ned and the rest of your friends approached him hesitantly. They all worried about you, but they knew that it was harder on him. "Is there any update on Y/N?"

"Not yet." Peter would have known if there was even a slight update. "Have any of you heard anything?"

"Gwen feels guilty about what happened at homecoming," Harley states ."She says that if she hadn't spilled her drink on Y/N, she never would have left the gym."

They all look to where Gwen was standing with her friends. She didn't look happy. In fact, she looked like she hadn't slept since word got out that you were missing.

"She should feel guilty." Peter huffs, "If she got over her damn pettiness long enough to realize that I love Y/N, I never would have lost her."

"Still... she said she'd back off," Harry says, feeling uncomfortable with the current subject. There is no excuse for what Gwen did, but she did look like she had learned her lesson.

"We want to help," Betty admitted, causing a bit of hope to fill Peter's mind. So far, all he's heard was "let the adults handle this". Knowing that his friends want to help find you was like a breath of fresh air.

"Yeah. It doesn't feel right to sit back and do nothing when Y/N is who knows where," Harry sighs, patting Peter on the back.

"Thanks, guys," Peter replies, smiling for the first time since you've disappeared. "That means-"

Before he could finish, he turned around, and not a second later, an explosion went off right across from the school.

"What the f-"

----------------

"I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that you never told us that Y/N was adopted," Clint says as he paces back and forth in the compound. He didn't have the slightest idea that anything was going on until he received a call telling him that you were missing and that help was needed tracking you down.

"He had his reasons; now are you going to focus more on that or finding Y/N?" Pepper replied, defending Tony. Although she agrees that Tony should have told you, she knows that he had his reasons.

"Maybe she doesn't want to be found?" Clint asks, although the second it came out of his mouth, he knew it sounded stupid.

"No," Steve says, his arms crossed in concentration. "I've known Y/N for a long time, and she's a good kid. She's going through stuff right now, but she'd never run away or leave Happy alone while he's in the hospital. Something else is going on, and I'd bet it had to do with those two."

The TV displayed everything they knew so far. The two likely suspects were none other than Eloise Day and Ezekiel Stane. Security footage showed you getting into Eloise's car, which was later found outside a shambly apartment building. After further inspection, your phone was found inside of the apartment belonging to Ezekiel Stane.

"Agreed". Tony stared at the screen, trying to figure out if there is anything he's missing. He knows that Ezekiel is the son of his old business partner. Tony knows that Eloise was a new student who gained your trust. What he didn't realize was their connection and what their goal is.

"If-When we find her, you need to tell her the truth," Steve tells him.

"Yeah, we'll go out for cheeseburgers and laugh about it. Am I right?" Tony snaps. It was clear that he knew who your real father is and that you might already know him too. "I- I don't want her to hate me when I tell her."

"Trust me. Y/N will understand if your heart was in the right place," Steve encourages, placing a hand on Tony's shoulder. For a second, Tony's shoulders slump before his resold seems to harden.

"Her real dad is-"

"I think you'll be able to tell her yourself," Nat speaks urgently. "Y/N's been spotted in Queens."

"Let's suit up."

-------------------

You couldn't help but feel as though your plan was about to fail. Eloise and Ezekiel have recently kept a closer eye on you than usual, which isn't good. You have a feeling that they're on to you, which means that you might have to improvise.

"Play along," Ezekiel mutters in your ear before roughly grabbing your arm. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Eloise pointing some blaster at you that looks too much like the one that Hydra dude shot you with.

Before you can ask what he was doing, a familiar figure swung in front of you.

"Let her go," Peter demands. Although you cannot see his face, you can tell he's angry. You felt bad for putting him through this, but in the long run, you'll have to put him through it a little longer.

"Fat chance, you spider freak!" Eloise roars, suddenly pointing the blaster at Peter.

"Wait-" You yell, but your voice is drowned out by Ezekiel's yells as Eloise pulls the trigger.

It was like everything was happening in slow motion. You wanted to scream for Peter, but the shot never made it to its target. Instead, it met with a familiar red, white, and blue shield.

"Whatever happened to my signal?!" Ezekiel yelled at Eloise, who rolled her eyes for the one-hundred-millionth time that day.

"I'm not letting you crap on my chance again, old man!" She barks at him as she continues firing the blaster. By now, all of the Avengers seem to have shown up, and her target was everyone.

"Don't you d-" He yells, but she ignores him.

Cursing, he tries to pull you away from the fight as he tries to think of a new plan. You already knew what needed to happen, but you weren't sure if you were ready to see everyone's faces when you are forced to betray them.

"So is this a thing now? Kidnapping my daughter for revenge or something?" your dad asks as he lands in front of you and Ezekiel, ready to fight.

"Who said I kidnapped her?" Ezekiel smirks. You wanted to wipe the arrogance off his face, but you couldn't. You had a job to do.

"Dammit," You curse. You press the button on your bracelet that morphed into your "new" suit. You didn't want to see the looks everyone will give you, so as you took down the people you call your family, you couldn't look them in the eye.

TAG LIST:

@eridanuswave @perspectiveparker @spidey-reids-2003 @ilovespideyyy @purplekitten30 @slytherinambitious @starryeddie @grapesauze @elephants-bubbles-brachosauruses @thegayseance @whiskeywinter89

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x reader insert #tom holland peter parker #avengers #peter parker x avenger!reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x stark!daughter #tony stark x daughter reader #tony stark x daughter!reader #avengers x y/n #dad!iron man x avenger!reader #(Y/N)s dad is...#peter parker x stark!reader #spider man x y/n #spiderman x stark!reader #spiderman x avenger!reader #spider man x reader

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fa-headhoncho · 3 years

Text

Untitled TFATWS Fic: Part 5

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt: i stuck at prompts so uh hoskins is the best and walker is kind of the worst and the beginning then the worst at the end :)

Word Count: 1865

Reader: Female

Warning: uhhh

Author's Note: lmk for taglist, also sorry for not updating, I've had major writer's block. also struggling with tying things together in the plot. i'd rather not post anything than regret posting something lol. PLEASE GIVE ME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, I KNOW THERE IS STUFF WRONG, JUST TELL ME

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

=====

Waiting.

All you have left to do is wait. After letting the Flag Smashers get away, flying to Germany to infiltrate their base, and Zemo “mysteriously” breaking out of prison; you have to sit here at a random cafe and wait. Wait for a sighting or wait for the two idiots to respond to your messages.

The whole situation frustrated you. No evidence pointed to Sam and Bucky breaking Zemo out but that was enough proof for you and Walker to agree that it was them. Hoskins, on the other hand, was skeptical.

“Why would two Avengers break a criminal out of prison?” Said soldier questions from beside you. The three of you were sat outside, away from prying eyes and ears while you had a quiet meal together. It was nice to have some calm but it made you itch.

You shrug and look down at your cup of coffee, “Steve got me out of prison and I have more a wrap sheet than Zemo does.”

“Yea, but that was to save the world.” Lemar points out, giving you an exhausted look. An uncomfortable pit in your stomach forms at the mention of the first battle, the one that blipped half the world gone.

Silence falls amongst the three of you again as you all are consumed by your thoughts. A small frown appears on your face as you think back to those years ago. Natasha Romanoff, a woman you will never see again, walked into your cell with a kind smile on her face. She explained to you the circumstances and how they needed everyone they could find to defeat a titan wanting world domination.

The look on Bucky’s face seeing you in Wakanda with the blonde was nerve-wracking. He looked like he saw a ghost. It brought back memories that you knew he didn’t want to think of and you felt guilty. It was not the first time the past has blended into his present and it wasn’t going to be the last, but it was worth it.

After his initial shocked expression, he greeted you with a surprised smile. One you never saw on him during your time at Hydra with his former self. He greeted you with your alias and his smile only got larger when you corrected him with your real name.

It was a sign of a fresh start between the two of you. He stuck beside you during the whole battle, protecting you from the aliens since it was obvious you were a bit rusty. It was nice… until you lost him again.

“They were desperate.” Walker’s voice rings out from across from you, a tone of realization.

“Who?”

“The Avengers.” He clarifies making you scoff and lean back in the patio chair. “They were up against an army that they thought they defeated years ago, an alien titan threatening to take over a world they’ve been trying to protect for years. The team was split into two and they didn’t know when the other half would show up.”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms in annoyance at his backhanded analysis. You were out of practice, yea, but you were useful. They couldn’t have been that desperate to recruit you. “How does that relate to now?”

Now it’s Walker’s turn to roll his eyes. “So,” He drags out then lets out a scoff, “we have no leads. We’re at a dead end and we have the government behind us. They are as desperate as we are but the only difference is that they’re freelance heroes.” He carefully explains causing you to let out a sigh. You understood what he was getting at and it made you annoyed that he was right.

“So they can blur the lines we can’t.” You reluctantly conclude, he nods and relaxes in his seat. You had to hand it to him, he was smart. His training and years of experience did him well but that didn’t relax your nerves.

Bucky was still in recovery and you didn’t know how he would react to being in Zemo’s presence let alone working with him. He’s been doing better and this plus him not going to therapy is an uncertain combo.

Walker seemed to notice you dazing off again, subtly asking Lemar to go refill their coffees. You don’t notice when the man gets up and walks off until the blonde says your name.

“Hmm?” You hum, moving to grab your cup which was no longer there. A small blush appears on your face as you realize your distraction was gone. Now you have to look at him.

“You know, my wife doesn’t like me working with you that much.” He leans back in his seat and rolls his shoulders back, looking off in the distance. “With, you know, the countless charges of treason and espionage against you.”

You let out a snort, there was a lot more than that. “Where are you going with this, Walker?”

“You said you have more a wrap sheet than Zemo does.” He simply states, eyes finally landing on you. There’s a moment of silence between you two as you try to define his words. Why was he bringing up his wife? Why did it matter that she was eerie of you?

“Yet, she knows I’ll be safe and level-headed because Hoskins is here.” He continues, “Sam is with Bucky, he’s in safe hands. If Zemo were to try anything he has Sam there to help him.”

You roll your head back and run your hands through your hair. There he goes again, thinking he knows everything and understands the situation. He continues to drone on but you stopped listening. You were proud of yourself that you kept your temper down this long, honestly, especially with your emotions right now.

You wait till he’s finished before looking back at him. He had a solemn look on his face, trying to show some sympathy and kindness but it only pissed you off further. “John, he turned him into the Winter Soldier.” Your voice was struggling to keep at an appropriate volume. “He said the words and he was gone. He still had nightmares about it to this day.

“Sam doesn’t know how to deal with the Winter Soldier. I barely do and I spent most of my life working with him. If he--”

“He’s not going to, (Y/N).” He snaps and you immediately shut up. You didn’t even realize the tears that started to pool in your eyes until you felt the wet drop roll down your cheek. He allows you to compose yourself before talking again, “My wife worries about me every day, you don’t think she’s not blowing up my phone every time she sees a newscast?

“I love her, would do anything for her. But she knows that when I see a fight, a chance to do something good or change the world for the better, that she can’t hold me back.” He passionately states as he fails from hiding his own emotions. “She still would worry even if I had...” His hands started to shake and his voice started to quiver.

It startled you, truthfully. He was allowing you to see a different side of him, the real man behind the shield. It was an odd time to get a new perspective on him but it was eye-opening nonetheless. He was opening his heart up to you as much as he probably didn’t want to, showing the same vulnerability you were.

“She supports me. She supports this crazy dream I’m living out right now and she’s there for me. You need to do the same for Bucky.” He culminates his speech just as Hoskins exits the doors of the cafe, juggling three cups and a pastry in his hands.

Walker immediately tries to relax his shoulders while you advert your eyes to the group of tourists across the street. There was a tense air between the two of you that if Hoskins noticed, he didn’t mention.

He sets the pastry down in front of you and you send him a grateful smile, a small warmth in your chest at the gesture to make you feel better. It works slightly until Walker’s words echo through your head.

=====

You let out a groan when you feel something soft wack against your face. Opening your eyes, you see black and don’t fully process what’s actually going on until the object is pulled away and replaced by a phone hovering above you.

“They’re in Latvia.” Walker’s voice rings out from beside you. Your brain finally catches up with being woken up so abruptly as you reach out and grab the phone from his hands.

Avengers Abroad. The article title readout causes you to furrow your eyebrows. Walker starts collecting your things while Hoskins stands at the doorway with two bags in his hands.

You quickly skim through the piece as the blonde aggressively throws your clothes into your duffle, “Why are they in Latvia?” You question, looking up from the phone to Walker who just ignores you. It would’ve made you laugh, seeing him pack up like a child whose mother just picked him up in the middle of a sleepover but the expression on his face was not one to mess with.

“We don’t know.” Hoskin’s soothing voice answers for him. “We need to head out immediately in case they spotted Karli, though. The most we can do right now is meet up with them and help.”

“And arrest Zemo,” Walker adds, walking out of the bathroom.

You raise your hands in exasperation, a questioning look on your face. “Weren’t you the one who was just convincing me that it was a good thing that they had Zemo with them?”

“Never said it was a good thing, just a desperate thing.” He corrects, “Now we have enough information to arrest them both for harboring a fugitive, we can take whatever information they--”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You throw your covers off and get up from the bed. You were furious that he would even utter those words, he knew they were with him and now he was just trying to corner them to make it seem like he was doing civil justice. “You just want to turn the tables to make it seem like you did all the work, you want the starlight more than you want to take down Karli.”

There’s a tense moment of silence where you and Walker just stare at each other. You could tell you struck a nerve by the way his shoulder’s squared up. It happened every time you insulted him and it was his tell to show he was trying to hold back his emotions.

“Just grab the rest of your shit and meet us in the lobby.” He demands, giving your bag a heave and throwing it at you. Luckily, your reflexes work faster than your brain does and you catch it. There’s a bit of guilt that bites at the back of your head for the low blow, especially since he gave you some good advice this morning, but you had more important matters to attend to.

_____

taglist: @crowleysqueenofhell @mischiefmanaged71 @thewinterrbucky @lizajane3 @ahahafudge @spookycereal-s @a-girl-who-loves-disney @kittengirl998 @ sebby-staan @felicityofbakerstreet @sltwins @tanyaherondale @mads-weasley @healy-facedown @bbl32 @sebby-staan

#bucky barnes x reader #tfatws #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #james barnes #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x female reader #mcu

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wizkiddx · 3 years

Text

worst case scenario part 5

finally!! so sorry its been an age to anyone still here but lives been interesting atm so.... also this really feels a bit rambley and the ending is deff underdeveloped but I just kind of wanted this done tbh x

[previous part] [part 1]

warnings: hospitals - ICU, ventilation that sort of stuff, just a lot of ANGST post a difficult birth - please don't read if this could be upsetting for you, and my inbox is always open if u wanna chat :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a complete 360 degree flip from earlier that day, after leaving the hospital Tom had become obsessively attached to Aurora. They’d got back to his parents place in Tom’s car; Aurora in the carseat Y/n and Tom had ready in their car door for her arrival. Clearly his parents had already pre-warned his brothers, who had thankfully already gone over to Tom and Y/n’s - collecting the Moses basket amongst other items Harry had been listed off from his mother.

Apart from explaining a little behind her name to his parents on the journey back, Tom had spoken very little, choosing to keep himself to himself - physically stationing himself beside the Moses basket the whole time. Of course, there had been a bit of light conversation and almost procedural passing round of Aurora between all her uncles and grandparents, which Tom had kept a wether eye on - but ultimately not engaged.

He also knew that physically his body was failing him. Although eating a little of the lasagne Sam had made for everyone, he could only stomach a minuscule amount, which did little to boost his energy levels. It felt as though sleeping was the enemy, because he was neither ready to leap into the car if the phone went; or to hear the smallest sound from the wicker basket, suggesting something was wrong. So as much as he tried to fight it, before even nine o’clock he began to dose off on the familiar couch of his parents sitting room - occasionally jerking himself awake before loosing the fight once again.

Nikki had tried to gently push him to take a break in the spare bedroom, which had been Tom’s before he’d moved out, but was unsuccessful - every time he retaliated with a stern shake of his head, while checking his phone just in case he’d missed a notification. Eventually Nikki relented, later in the evening both her and Dom retiring to bed; once Sam had agreed to stick around downstairs till a bit later - as a chef he worked till late in the nights, so even on his days off like today, his sleep schedule was just a little fucked.

Left alone with his new little niece and now pretty firmly asleep brother, Sam draped a blanket over the latter just in time for Aurora to start fussing in the need of a bottle. His mum had explained how to do everything, how to mix the formula and heat it up, so after scooping up the little wriggling girl in the hope his brother wouldn’t get disturbed, Sam dealt with her. To be honest no matter how clueless and useless he felt, Aurora was just so cute - if a little wrinkly and alien looking, but in a good way. This was the first baby any of them had had, so the first time Sam experienced this instant connection and love for the little being that was his niece or nephew. It was terrifying, lifting the bottle against her lips for the first time, but then it just sort of seemed to work. She was incredibly smart for less than 24 hours old, instantly latching on, like she had done for Haz at the hospital.

That gave Sam a little confidence in his ability as an uncle, giving himself a satisfied nod while swaying from the kitchen to move back into the living room. It was just a preference to be within reach of Tom… just in case. His poor brother still hadn’t moved, slumped against the corner of the sofa, leaning toward the now empty Moses basket. Normally, Sam seeing his supposed heart throb of a brother looking as rough as he did now - double chin, mouth hanging slightly open, deep sunken eyes - he would’ve taken a photo to blackmail him with. Now though, it was just desperately sad, seeing his brother like this, hand still clutching his phone tightly above the blanket.

Rather hoping the calm would last for a while, Sam successfully finished off feeding Aurora; winded and then put her down to sleep again just in time. Because, perhaps expectedly, Tom’s phone began to blare off the default iPhone ringtone making Tom jump and throw the device across the room as he awoke with a start. Sam ran to grab it off the floor, mainly with the hope of turning it off before Aurora was awoken too - knowing that it was best tonight to tackle one thing at a time.

And so he immediately swiped to answer the call, not even registering who the call was from, much rather just wanting the noise to stop.

“Hello?”

“Sam? It’s Harrison” Tom had jumped up from his seat hovering beside Sam with petrified look. It took barely seconds for Tom to snatch the phone back, launching questions down the receiver.

“Slow down would you? Y/n is fine I was just phoning to check in.”

“Oh er yeh… um sorry I just… just thought…”

“It’s the other way mate. Nurse says she’s starting to get there cos first she moved her arm a bit when we pinched her shoulder and then I just called because she started to like gag and now the ventilator thing is gone.”

“W-what?”

“I think she’s breathing by herself? Like she’s got an oxygen mask instead of the tubes down her throat.” Clearly Harrison was not, by any means, a medical expert.

“They said she would have the ventilator for a few days at least.”

“I guess Y/n got bored? To be fair she couldn’t ever sit still.”

“I’m coming to you.”

“Tom it’s nearly midnight, I was supposed to be kicked out at 10. Just come back in the morning, they won’t let you in I’m pretty certain.”

“What if she wakes up!”

“Then they’ll call you! She’s getting better Tom you should be try and relax for like a second.”

“FUCK OFF HAZ! If she wakes up all alone and terrified then-“

“I’m not going to having a screaming match on the phone with you. I think we both know you wanting to come is more for you than for Y/n, because Y/n would want you to be looking after Aurora.”

Again guilt tripping using the newborn. Harsh but effective. Stopping Tom’s anger dead in it’s tracks.

“Look I can put the nurse on for her to tell you they won’t let you in and they’ll call if anything happens - but you already know that.”

“Yeh sorry fine … I know don’t bother.”

“Okay… I’m was gonna head back to my place and I know you’ve probably got your mum begging to fuss over Aurora but if-“

“Can you come?”

“Didn’t need to ask mate.”

And that’s how the night went. Until Harrison arrived at the Holland family home, Tom had spent the time pacing back and forth, blatantly ignoring the pleas of Sam just to sit down. Once he arrived though, going through all the updates in a lot more detail Tom seemed, for the first time, optimistic. By no means could you call him relaxed or happy - but compared to the rollercoaster that had been the last 24 hours, Harrison thought that was more than enough. Aurora had started fussing again at 1 but by the time it had turned into a full blown scream at Tom, Sam already had the bottle ready. It took a little bit of encouragement and promise that Tom would be able to feed her but actually, she instantly latched on, settled in her Dad’s hold while guzzling down the contents of the bottle.

After a bit of winding she ended up falling asleep on her dads chest, only when he felt himself start to flag did Tom place her back in the basket. Harrison and him ended up crashing on the sofas, Sam retiring to his own room. Phone still tightly clutched in Tom’s grip.

////////////////////

The first thing Y/n became properly aware of was this intense heaviness all over her body. It felt as though her limbs were all composed completely of lead, meaning as much as she was just craving rolling over, it was as though her own body was holding her down. A very alien feeling that unsettled her slightly, trying to shake of the misty feeling in her head to work it all out. It took a while to drag herself out of the depths of sleep, to the point where background noise slowly faded in - an alien beeping as well as distant shuffling making her heart thump with unease. Finally, perhaps most distressingly , her eyes felt glued shut. Not because they were heavy, in the way someone extremely sleep deprived cant keep their eyes open; rather stiff like they hadn’t been used in so long they’d rusted over or something.

The feeling was quite horrific and isolating- as though she were locked into her body without an escape in sight. Whilst trying to calm her racing thoughts, Y/n chose to focus completely on the one thing she could do. She could listen. She listened to the beeps, focusing on the type of sound, the way it chimed so regularly; and it’s form. It was familiar, for that she was sure but for now at least she couldn’t place it.

It felt like an investigation, trying with all her might to try and workout what the fuck was going on. To put it mildly.

The most useful clue though, a breakthrough if you will, is when a voice sounded - clear and familiar.

“Excuse me nurse?” It was Nikki. For sure. It was a clue, but didnt seem to make a hell of a lot of sense. Y/n was so focused on why the hell Nikki was apparently watching her sleep unconscious, she completely missed the reference to the nurse. As in hospital. As in Y/n was in hospital. “… I’m just going to swap out for my sons friend.”

“Harrison?” That voice seemed new and unfamiliar.

“Yes, he won’t be a second I’m sure.”

What was Harrison doing here too?

It was all very confusing and hurt Y/n’s brain to try and unpick. Gradually then, everything sort of melted away, diving back into the darkness.

The next time Y/n woke up things were different. This time she woke up like she would at any time of day. She woke up and her eyes followed suit. Not particularly easily, since as soon as they cracked open she was almost blinded by brilliant white lights, it taking a build up of willpower before she tried it again - bracing for the pain.

By now she knew something was wrong. She remembered all these patchy and hazy periods. All full of confusion and disorientation but with different voices keeping her at least semi calm. Familiar voices, all too often laced with such emotion. Especially Tom’s. She couldn’t remember what he had said, nor had she probably been able to understand it at the time - what stuck was the tone. The sadness, the hopelessness , the emptiness.

It was scary. But it made her want to help. Made her want to open her eyes.

After wincing at the dazzling white surroundings, Y/n blinked her eyes quickly, in an attempt to get them to adjust quicker. She saw an unfamiliar ceiling, one that was tiled in a similar way to her old school canteen. There was a weird pressure round her mouth, eyes quickly darting down to see edges of a clear mask pressed up against the bridge of her nose. That wasn’t it though, the further she looked the more her eyes panned down this pale blue blanket, following the outline of her legs to the bottom raised edge of the bed. The hospital bed.

Her hospital bed.

As much as she wanted to jump up in panic; physically right now that was an impossibility. So instead, Y/n focused on trying to gleam as much information from the situation. It took a hell of a lot of effort, her muscles literally stiff and ridgid with disuse but with a small groan her neck eventually agreed to follow orders. Just a small tilt to the left and suddenly Y/n felt so much more less panicked. Everything was that bit less scary because there was Tom.

Admittedly he didn’t look amazing, or even not bad. Tom was sat with his back pressed against the side of chair, so his body faced her. Had he not looked so ruined, Y/n would’ve laughed at the side of his face squashed into the back of the seat. But he did look horrific, for lack of a better word. His brown eyes were locked shut, but also looked puffy and red, while dark at the same time - as though he’d been attempting to gouge his own eyes out prior. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, hence why he had appeared to have collapsed in the arm chair. At least though , he wasn’t in a hospital bed himself.

That was Y/n’s pleasure.

Her next job was to get her neck muscles to pull her head to the other side. It was a slow wincing gesture, yet she was so aware of another presence that needed to be addressed too. But actually it was 3 people.

Right at the back, a nurse sat on a little spinny chair, scribbling something down in a file of papers but to be quite honest that wasn’t were Y/n’s focus zeroed in on. Instead on Harrison who was sat in chair mirroring Tom, except instead of being passed out asleep he was cradling a baby. Her baby.

Y/n literally felt her heart in her throat at that point, eye widening almost comically. That was her baby - it must be? The monitors all started to loose their regularity as Y/n threw an uncoordinated limb to that side of the bed- already having realised her throat was way too scratchy to try to say anything comprehensible.

Immediately that got the attention of both the nurse, who immediately leapt up and called for support, as well as Harrison - who looked like he was seeing a ghost.

“Oh my-Y/n-?” Luckily he kept the baby safe in his arms rather than dropping her in shock, whilst Y/n kept her eyes locked onto the bundle in his arms. Nodding down, she tried to remove the mask (actually just very slightly knocking it to one side) and attempted to ask of the baby. Her throat, being inhumanly dry and scratchy, didn’t really work but Haz still got the message, scoffing in amazement.

“Aurora… here’s your mummy.” Harrisons voice was quiet and wavering as he delicately held Aurora against Y/n’s collar bone, the babies little tuft of har tickingling her chin. Now Y/n was crying with happiness, looking up at Haz’s icy blue eyes and questioning her name. Harrison confirmed with another disbelieving whisper, whilst the arm that wasn’t still holding Aurora clasped Y/n’s hand with a death grip. “Tom’s choice.”

The mention of him had both of them shift their gaze across the room to Tom’s chair. Even with all the developments, Tom still seemed completely unaware, fast asleep with the side of his face squished against the back of the chair making his lips slightly askew. Y/n were acutely aware of the small congregation of doctors that had accumulated in the corner of the bay but they seemed to be respectfully waiting before they would prod and poke. Haz went to call Tom’s name, before he could though, Y/n squeezed his arm and minutely shook her head. That wasn’t what the blue eyes boy had been expecting, causing Haz to unfold and bring Aurora back up to his chest as he quirked his eyebrows at her.

She didnt need to be filled in on the situation to know exactly what was happening. She had no idea why she was in the hospital bed; how long it had been since she’d given birth - but she knew all she needed to. From Harrisons unbelievably shocked face; and from the state of Tom - it hadn’t been good. Her fiancé looked almost ghostly, it seemed evident that he needed her. First then, she gestured to Haz for some water, which after a panicked look to the nurse; then from the nurse to various doctors; she was eventually given permission.

After somewhat alleviating the sandpaper feeling in her throat, Y/n then croakily asked for a bit of privacy. Right now the doctors all were gawking, Harrison assumed it to be because they’d all led him and Tom to believe she wouldn’t wake up for a while- and even then she was supposed to barely be awake, not able to talk and drink or anything of the sort. With an ecstatic nod Harrison, shuffled out - while doing so prompting the medical people to draw the curtains completely shut round the bay.

Already Y/n had tears welling up in her eyes, purely because she hated seeing him like this. He just looked so broken and shattered which honestly felt worlds worse than the labour she’d gone through. Her whole body still hurt, stiff and achy for reasons yet to be explained to Y/n. None of that mattered though, as she strained her arm out to the side in order to gently reach his knee that was folded up and sticking out awkwardly at an angle. After swallowing one again, Y/n squeezed round the joint and tried to shake it slightly. Instantly the man jumped up in his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly and repeatedly as he tried to adjust to the room.

Being so sleep deprived and stressed out, Tom’s brain was not working normally, instead with a delayed haze as he apparently skipped over Y/n in the bed, rather surveying the the closed curtains and Harrison’s now empty chair. As he was lifting himself to sit more normally up, uncurling from the armchair, was when he noticed the hand on his knee. Breath caught in his chest, Tom instinctively bit his lip as his eyes gradually traced up the hand, to the forearm, up to the shoulder. It felt like a fever dream, as though all it would take is for him to move and she’d slip away again. But there were her green eyes, gleaming in a way that literally lifted a weight from his shoulders. Her smile was tired and a little confused, but so her - after spending days of just seeing all her features lax, Tom swore that it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Only when Y/n finally croaked out a small ‘hi’ did Tom gain awareness of his body, or rather control of it, enough to leap up and leave over the bed - cradling her face in both his palms. Like a psycho he stared intently, swapping his focus from her left to her right eye like a madman.

“Your-I-I” He was trying to speak, trying to communicate all the thoughts and regrets of things he wished he’d said to her all at once. Weakly she reached up to fully remove the oxygen mask, dragging It down to below her chin, before squeezing his wrists in comfort. Only then did Tom notice the small puddle that had collected on her cheek, which made him realise he was absolutely bawling.

“You ‘kay?” Her voice was like sandpaper but everything about her was so completely Y/n and it was just giving Tom this unreal wave of euphoria. Physically incapable of replying, the brunette just scoffed, leaning over the bed even more so he could press his forehead on hers. He was laughing too, the fact she was asking him that seemed so preposterous, given all the tubes and wires attached to her at the moment. It took Y/n squeezing his wrist harder again to make him lean back a little, searching her eyes with his. She seemed so worried; seemed so full of concern - only then did Tom consider quite how much he’d ‘let himself go’ the past couple of days.

It had been two days since Aurora was born, only 48 hours. But the transformation was mad, none more so than mentally. 48 hours had quite literally changed everything for Tom; changed life forever and himself too. It was showing in his unshaven face, with unwashed greasy hair, everything just looking ‘tired’.

“‘m just really glad your awake.” It was so honest and sincere it did have Y/n wondering what had happened and for how long. What had she put her fiancé through?

“How long?”

“The worst two and a half days of my life… I got you now though, yeh?” Tom whispered wetly, while stroking the side of her cheek - wiping both his and her tears away.

“Always.”

The doctors and nurses then came in, podding and poking Y/n like no tomorrow while Harrison and Tom stood back a little - excitedly grinning at each other and the sleepy girl Haz was cradling, before Tom stole her off him. There was a momentary sick-to-his-stomach feeling after some of the professionals had cleared, seeing her eyes shut again felt like everything was crashing around him. Thankfully though, one of doctors noticed the look of despair on his face, explaining to the two men that she was just asleep normally. That although sh’ed spent along time unconscious, waking from a medical coma is in itself exhausting.

After the initial excitement of Y/n waking the next couple of days were pretty samey. She’d been moved down to a normal ward, no longer needed all the incessant bleeping machines but still had to stay in hospital. Tom found it tricky too, he just always felt he needed to be by her side ‘just in case’. In fact, it had been a source of a bit of tension between him and his fiancé - she could see how exhausted he was from looking after Aurora, plus the stress of being in the hospital for hours a day with her. As Y/n got better and more switched on to the state of him, she realised it was inevitable he’d crash at some point.

But after a week and a half in hospital - comprising of a baby, emergency surgery, 3 days on intensive care, followed by 8 on the ward - Y/n was discharged. Nikki and Dom moved in to Y/n and Tom’s place, to provide care support both for Aurora; and Y/n for the rest of her recovery; and secretly Tom for everything he’d been through.

She was still order on bed rest due to her surgical scars, so Tom and Nikki helped to set her up in the master bedroom as soon as they got in. Of course, everyone was aware of Toms odd mood that day. Until then the only thing he wanted was to get his fiancé back at home with him but now she was over the threshold his excitement and joy appeared to have been zapped out of him. In fact, he’d barely uttered more than a couple sentences. So once Y/n was properly comfortable and Dom had brought Aurora and the cot into the room, Tom’s parents quickly made themselves scarce.

Tom hadn’t stopped, finding some reason to rummage around in the chest of drawers m while Y/n chewed at her bottom lip, watching him.

“Tom?” All she got in response was a light hum. “Tom please will you come and sit down for a minute?”

“I just need to-“

“Tom!” Her exclamation finally properly got Tom to listen, jumping round to face her. “Please... please will you just stop for a second?” Y/n’s eyes felt as though they were boring holes in his skull. Really, Tom knew he’d be forced into this at some point because he couldn’t avoid Y/n. She had some power of mind reading over him. So with a defeated nod and sagging shoulders Tom rounded the bed, weaving between his side and Auroras cot - where she was sleeping soundly.

A silence overcame the room as he heavily planted himself on his side of the bed, mirroring Y/n’s posture leant against the headboard.

“I think we need to have an honest conversation T.”

“If you want.” Nothing about his reply was the picture of enthusiasm, causing Y/n to hesitate a little.

“Look I am so beyond grateful for everything you’ve done while I was in hospital... and it doesn’t take a genius to tell you’ve worked yourself half to death-“

“I’m fine-“

“Don’t lie to me. I know you’re trying to protect me but please... will you just talk to me? Honestly?”

His reply this time wasn’t completely unforeseeable but it still shocked Y/n quite how quickly it happened, especially almost unprovoked. Because that’s all it took for Tom to break, for the past 2 weeks to get their vengance, for all the repressed emotion to escape.

He was crying- well more accurately sobbing- into his hands, his back quaking. Naturally Y/n reached out to pull him into her side, suppressing the groan of pain as she moved a little too much for her abdomen to handle. “I’m here T. I got you and I’m not going anywhere m‘kay?”

And that’s how they stayed, for at least 10 minutes, with Tom crying into her shoulder as Y/n rubbed up and down his back. Eventually though, everything did calm down and Tom repositioned himself to lean his head on her shoulder just facing forward and focusing on playing with her fingers, lacing them fingers with his.

In all the time since she’d woken up, Y/n was yet to broach the subject of their babies name yet. She sensed it was a sensitive topic to say the least, so had thought it best to wait till they were properly alone - not in a ward of 6 strangers where the only privacy came in flimsy blue curtains.

“So…. Aurora huh? Thought it was too airy-fairy, head-in-the-clouds for you?” Smiling lightly, both of them were transported back to the pregnancy when they spent hours and hours bickering over names. Aurora had always been Y/n’s favourite but to Tom thought it was more a name for a hippy kid who went around clad in tie dye and bandanas.

“Still is a bit...but I needed a bit of a miracle and Iceland was in my head. Plus I sort of accidentally word vomited while shouting at Haz, for being nice to me.” Iceland as in when Tom had proposed under the aurora borealis in the freezing sky - when Y/n had agreed, promised even, to be with him forever.

“But you like it?”

“Of course... mother always knows best after all.”

“I think it suits her too. One of your best choices to date, listening to me.” Y/n mused, earning herself a very delicate but still playful elbow in the side before the room drifted back to a much more comfortable silence.

“We’re gonna get through this you know? Me, you and her, we’re together in this... I’m sorry I wasn’t in the beginning and I’m sorry I hurt you but now? I promise you got me and I’m not going anywhere…” Y/n needed to say it and needed Tom to properly listen. “ ...literally, I still cant walk properly.” Tom chuckled wetly at that, which made Y/n feel a lot better too.

To be completely honest, Tom was still hurt and he knew it’d take some mending to move past everything. By no means did he blame Y/n in anyway but just the fact he was left alone and abandoned - well, it was the worst time in his life. The way Y/n understood that and had apologised to him - if completely unnecessarily- meant everything. Meant she would help him to heal... whilst he helped her too.

“Can we just go to sleep? I need to wake up beside you in our bed not at tiny hospital one.” It was only 3 in the afternoon but because of Y/n’s medicine she was constantly drowsy and Tom? Tom was still in this permanent state of exhaustion. So it wasn’t so much of a weird request as it was on the face of it. With a nod, Y/n shuffled down on the bed a bit more resting her head against the top of Tom’s. It was exactly what they both needed, just a bit of peace with each other.

That lasted all of 5 minutes before Aurora woke and started to scream.

Life had most definitely changed. Especially for Tom. Because even though he was he was mentally and physically exhausted, he only appreciated his daughters screams whole heartedly... because Y/n was there groaning with a tired smile too. They were in this together.

~~~~

I really hope the ending didnt disappoint too much, im aware its rushed as hell, but thank you for getting this far! And I hope maybe this series has done a teeny tiny bit to normalise not everything in pregnancy and child birth being perfect - that there is morbidity and mortality associated. Obviously this is all fictional (esp the amazingly quick recovery and lack of neurological/other impairments) and not medically accurate in the slightest !!

my inbox is always open :) t x

Tagging : @whitewolf51

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #Tom Holland angst

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minisception · 3 years

Text

2021 Summer Painting Challenge: Retrospective

Summer has come to an end, and with it Warboss Tae's 2021 Summer Painting Challenge. That was... a lot of painting, most of which has been collected above. Huge thanks go out to Tae - if you haven't checked out his youtube channel you can do so HERE, as well as to all of the other participants. There were a lot of cool projects, and you can see them all on Tae's discord HERE.

My main goal in participating was to get together a fully painted starter army together. Despite some stumbles along the way I'm happy to say I met that goal, with a small but playable Soulblight Gravelord core units of 20 skeletons, 20 zombies, and 10 dire wolves, a couple elite unit options in the Blood-born and Vargskyr, plus a selection of hero options including a Vampire Lord that I'm quite proud of plus a couple necromancers, not to mention the named character options from Cursed City and the Underworlds Warbands.

Speaking of underworlds, I now have three fully painted warbands to play against my roommate in that game. And I made some progress on the long overdue Ravenguard commission, so that's cool.

More importantly, for the first time since I came up with this paint scheme way back when the Oldhammer Fantasy 8th edition Vamp Counts book was released, I finally have enough painted models to put them all together and have a feel for the overall effect, and yeah, I'm pretty happy with it.

I definitely learned a few things along the way - though as per usual it mostly came from mistakes. Looking at what I learned/screwed up month by month...

JUNE

Pledged - Cursed City, 3 Underworlds Warbands, 4 Sidequests Completed - Everything, though the Sidequests got extra time

June was the only month where I actually met my pledge, despite it being the most ambitious of the pledges by a fair bit. But the pace I set was absolutely unsustainable and I was already crashing by the end. In the future I'll have to set a more realistic pace.

Other things I learned: Don't use your good brush for washes (RIP my favorite brush), you can wash a wet palette in the dishwasher, but only if you take it out before the dry cycle (RIP my palette). I also think I went a bit too excessive on the greens. I want the army overall to be darker so the greens pop more, so moving forward I'm using more black cloth, reserving green cloth for detail bits, and details like gravestones and rope that I painted ghosty greens on the June models are greys and browns after.

On a more positive note, I really liked how the black armor with green highlights turned out on the Crimson Court, and have decided to make that the distinctive feature of vampire models in my army going forward. The process is a pain, and I will eventually have to go back and re-paint the dragon lord's armor to match, but it's worth it.

JULY

Pledged: 10 Zombies, 10 Dire Wolves, Rhino Completed: 10 Zombies, Rhino

I was already crashing hard when July started and ended up spending most of my free time in the early part of the month playing video games. I though I had balanced this out by aiming for a reduced pledge and not committing to daily updates, but a smaller pledge than June was still way too more than I could sustainably handle, and without the daily updates I ended up letting my break run on way too long, plus I was stuck out of town for a week. But while I may have failed my pledge, I still got 10 nice looking zombies done, plus the commission rhino, which is a lot for me, and I was really on a roll going into August.

The main thing I learned is that regular posting does a lot to keep me engaged with the hobby, and that's something I'd like to try to continue after the challenge is done.

AUGUST

Pledged: 10 Skeletons, 5 Blood Knights, 1 piece of terrain Finished: 10 Skeletons, July's Dire Wolves, June's Sidequests

I honestly should have known better that to pledge so much with so much leftover work to do, including the sidequest tutorials that I still needed in order to confirm my project from back in June, but I was on a high and on a roll at the end of July, and I let my ambitions get away from me. And I knew almost immediately that I had made a mistake, just assembling the Blood Knights I could tell that each one of them was going to require more work than most of the heroes I've painted.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the most important thing I learned. The most important thing was that Army Painter brand black primer is SUPER grainy, to the point of obscuring some of the surface texture and details of the models I sprayed it on, which tragically includes the Blood Knights. They weren't quite as badly done by as the poor skeletons, but on such a cool and important unit it's still a bit disheartening.

On a positive note, I learned from the dire wolves that hexwraith flame can be used in my paint scheme to punch up saturation a bit & add a bit of slimy green gore effect that I quite like. At some point I'll have to go back and use it to punch up the zombies & maybe the zombie dragon a bit.

So where do I go from here?

I'm going to be out of town till the middle of next week, but when I do get back I want to keep up the monthly goals with regular update posts. Maybe not every day, but a few times a week at least. But I don't want this to be my only hobby, either. I got games to play, and now that hectic summer vacation schedules have calmed down I've got a family D&D campaign to start running again. Plus some other stuff to work on. So I'm going to try to keep future commitments more manageable. One unit per month sounds about right.

I need to make some more progress on the Raven Guard commission, and I want to save October for something spooky and undead, so for September I think the one unit will be a Raven Guard landspeeder.

I'd also like to actually get to the local store to try to get a game or two in with my newly painted models. If I do, I'll be sure to take some pictures and report back to you on how badly I get thrashed.

#warhammer #age of sigmar #2021 summer painting challenge #soulblight gravelords #vampire counts

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moonlit-mizukage · 3 years

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Chapter Fifteen: 1am Joyride

Summary: Y/l/n Y/n, a third year at Sakura High School, is just a girl with a bad attitude towards anyone outside her small circle. When y/n’s younger sister starts first year, she gains a lot of attention. Unfortunately for everyone in school, the Y/l/n household has one rule, No dating till y/n does. Some people become just desperate enough to pay the leader of the “Monsters”, the trouble making group on campus, to date y/n. What will happen when she finds out? (All characters aged up to third year unless otherwise stated)

TW: Swearing, mentions of violence, implied past abuse, parents not loving their children, abandonment, foster care, jail, death

AN: THIS CHAP IS A BACK STORY SO IF YOU ARE UNCOMFY I WILL POST A SMALL LINE FROM THEN END OF THISON THE NEXT ONE AS WELL!!! Sorry as well for not updating lots. Yeah girl has been dissociating so much and losing days. I blinked and now its friday at almost 3am. My even closes as well on the 21st so if you want to participate please check out this Prompt list!!

Word Count: 1.2K

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Y/N POV

I heard the rev of Tendou’s motorbike outside my window. I grabbed my jacket and Climbed out my open window. I took the lightest steps I could around and passed Mei’s window. I grabbed the tree and started to climb down. I walked up to Tendou.

“You look hot when you are angry babe.”

“Gross, let’s just get out of here.” I grabbed the helmet from his hands as I climbed on the back.

We rode down the rural neighbourhoods of the city. I never felt more relaxed than I did in that moment, my arms wrapped around him, the wind blowing on my body as we rode off. I wanted this moment to last. We soon stopped as Tendou reached for his helmet.

“This is my thinking spot. It’s usually quiet this time of night.” I took my helmet off and stepped off the bike.

“I didn’t expect you to be of all people to need a thinking spot. Though you just Monster listed them.”

“Unfortunately there's things the Monsters can’t always help with.” The atmosphere around him seemed to change to somewhat of a depressing vibe.

“I really liked being on the bike. I didn’t even notice we ended up going up a hill to this lookout point.”

“I knew you’d be distracted once you got to touch me.” He said with a wink as he pulled me into his arms. Our lips almost touched as he whispered. “Everytime I see you, you get more beautiful.”

“Gross.” I whispered back as we both went in for a kiss..

Tendou’s phone startled us as he pulled away.

“What is it?” He asked as he answered the phone. A few minutes of silence passed.

“No, I am at the lookout point. Can’t he just lie like he always does?” A deep sigh came from him as he heard the response.

“Just give him my special stash and tell him to give it to her only if she won't come back. Shes a fucking bitch anyways. No one is at a loss by this. What’s a few couple hundred to get a forever problem solved?” Tendou laughed at whoever was on the other side of the phone and hung up.

“Sorry Y/n. Monster shit never stops when Teru”s one time hook ups won’t stop coming back.”

“I don’t understand why you covered his ass. He’s going to act like a pig. He should deal with it on his own.” I slapped a hand over my mouth “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“I know you aren’t the only one who sees it that way but Teru and Mad have been here for me always. We used to be little brats back in our elementary days too. Teru was actually a Quiet little devil at first. I do admit we definitely have opposite opinions on girls' purpose. He did watch his mom go through boys every other day some new guy railing her in the kitchen when he got home from school. His mom told him if the sex isn’t an 10 then they are not worth it”

“How would he even know what a 10 is?’’

“I think he just does it to feel some kind of connection to a girl. In hope’s to find ‘The one’, he just wants to be loved and accepted by someone. He knows he's got us but he’s never felt loved by his mom, doesn’t even know who his dad is.”

“I had no idea, I feel terrible now” I said back to him. He pulled me closer to him again as he rested on the rail.

“He’s honestly such a good guy. All four of them are. Mad gets in a lot of fights because that's all he knew his entire childhood from his 3 older brothers used to fight him. His dad was about the same in that sense too. The reason he always punches instead of thinks before he acts is that is what he's been taught. He moved out of his house at 16 after we got some income and met the other two. Started to raise some hell in our school you know?”

“It makes sense why he always tries to fight everyone then.”I said back.

“Hanamaki though is a rich kid whose parents would rather pretend he doesn’t exist. He lived with his grandma on the other side of Tokyo till she passed away in the last year of middle school. Now they buy him whatever he wants while they live who knows where in the world. Him and Matsukawa have been friends since elementary though, Matsun even followed him to Highschool cause he got expelled the last day of school for setting a classroom on fire smoking too close to some curtains. Matsukawa though also didn’t have a good upbringing. His mom left him at 2 years old outside a random house with a note saying she never wanted him. It took 4 years for him to find his father, by then the kid already had some damage because of the system. His dad worked too much to see it for himself though. That just made his choice to move in with Maki much easier for him. That's how we all kinda met though, our broken homes.” Tendou finished, as he turned away and looked out at the view.

“What’s your story Satori?” I asked him.

“My father’s in jail, my mother is dead.”

“Holy shit, I am so sorry Satori.”

“I spent most of my childhood jumping from foster home to foster home. I was a demon spawn though. Always making sure they would move me around. Getting my nickname Guess Monster cause no one knew what I would do next. I live with my grandma now.” He said.

“I am sorry I always called you the second biggest asshole on earth. I had no idea.” He just laughed knowing I meant Oikawa as number one.

“And how about you y/n? What’s your story?”

“Um, my mom left us for a guy in Paris when I was young. I was basically raising Mei as my child, with my father being a doctor he's usually never home. Well till I started dipping on her for Oikawa. Now she hates my guts and my father spoils her so much cause he feels bad about missing out so much.”

“Wait Oikawa? I thought you always hated him” He said. I began to explain to him the same story I had told Mei earlier the night. “I always knew he was a piece of shit.”

“If only Mei did. That’s why we fought too.” Tendou pulled me in closer again. He smiled at me as he gave his signature smile.

“It’s nice to have someone to trust outside of my circle again.” He pulled me into a passionate kiss….

The night continued for a bit longer as he brought me back home once again. I got off his bike and looked down at him as he took his helmet off and stood up.

“Satori.”

“Yes Y/n?”

“You were right, I did fall for you.” With that I placed a passionate kiss on his lips again. I pulled away and turned around to begin to climb back into my house...

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An: My mobile tumblr wont let my fix things so links on all “next” buttons will be fixed when it stops being this T^T

Taglist: @belongtothewcrld @elianetsantana @its-the-aerieljeane @london-quynh @vhskenma @denkithunder @swagdaddycam @ems1des @tendouispretty @senpaisbadass @elephantloser @smolbbgorl @mikeys-thighs @kuroolilchibichan @softesyoongi @ouijaeater15 @xxsilverwingxx @prettyinblack231 @kookie-doughs @mikesdeath @bruh-kill-me @skeet-skeet-double-fckn-yeet @d0llpie @0-hysteria-0 @katsumi-sumi @rintarawr @sirachano0dles @satan-ruler-of-hells @himboos @maer-333 @pastel-prynce

#tendou x reader #tendou x you #tendou x y/n #tendou smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu smau

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geekywritings · 3 years

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JUNGKOOK X READER PART 2 - Is this real life or am I in a drama?

Part 2 of my little Jungkook x Reader story. For all who need a recap of Part 1: You are a young vet, just trying to make your way home from work when suddenly Jungkook falls right into your car, taking refuge from a group of sasaengs. You give him a ride home and he exchanges contact details with you, promising to stay in touch.

The prompt for part 2 is: “It’s pouring rain, why are you here?”

For the next few days, all you could think about was that meeting. It still seemed so very surreal. And you didn’t even dare tell anyone about the incident, because who would really believe you? Even your best friends and work colleagues would just raise and eyebrow and shake their heads most likely. Such things simply didn’t happen to people. They were part of k-drama scripts or popular web toons and after a week, you did start to wonder if it had all been some kind of strange dream.

But exactly that evening, when you had just come out of the shower to enjoy a cup of tea and a new episode of your favourite show, your phone beeped with a new Kakao Talk message. You gave your phone a lazy glance and then almost dropped your mug when you saw it was from none other than Jungkook.

JK: “I’m sorry for the late reply, Miss Vet. Things got kinda hectic. But I have not forgotten my promise. I still owe you that thank you.”

You had to reread that message a few times and for a second you wondered if it was a scam perhaps, but who else would now about that event but him? For a second you wondered what to answer before typing:

Y/N: “No problem. You are an idol after all. And you did already thank me.”

It took only a few seconds until his answer popped up.

JK: “It still doesn’t feel like enough.”

Wow, did he know how cool that sounded?

Y/N: “You don’t have to worry. Really. I’m glad I could help.”

This time he took a bit longer to reply.

JK: “Do you like flowers?”

Y/N: “Yes of course. Who doesn’t?”

JK: “Which ones are your favourites?”

That one was harder to answer. You liked quite a few and just named them all, allowing him to make the final choice.

JK: “Great. Can I send them to your workplace? I don’t think florists deliver late in the evening.”

It was sweet that he was so dead set on sending you flowers as a proper thank you and while part of you was delighted, the other part wondered how to explain the bouquet to your colleagues at the vet office. Still, you typed in your adress and sent it out.

From then on you thought the conversation would end, but apparently Jungkook was in a talkative mood. He revealed that he had a free evening and was just relaxing on the couch with a good meal, before asking you what you were up to. You told him about the drama and he suggested watching at the same time, sharing comments through text.

You had never done anything like it before, least of all with a stranger, but Jungkook seemed so nice and it didn’t feel so intimidating to write with an idol over messages. And after the first few shared comments, you actually started to really enjoy it. You two ended up talking throughout the entire episode, which was almost an hour long and then even half an hour on top until Jungkook announced that he was heading to bed. Noticing the time, you realized it was time to hit the pillows yourself.

But as you laid there in your bed, you kept reading through the chat history, as if making sure it was still real. Especially that “Goog Night” with the cute little emoji brought a smile to your face, before you finally turned off the night light.

____

For the next two weeks, he kept writing texts every other day. Sometimes it was just a random “How are you?” or a comment to your recently posted Kakao Story that he didn’t dare post publicly. But sometimes he would ask if you were watching that drama again to share comments in real time. It had become kind of a ritual when the third week started and a day without his messages felt weird. You still couldn’t tell anyone about it, but your friends and colleagues did start noticing your smiles and your eager grabs for the phone. But whenever they teased, you just said it was some guy online. Their would never believe the truth and you didn’t want to put Jungkook in trouble either. You had seen how crazy his fans could be, so the last thing he needed was your chats to become the topic of online gossip. Besides, it was kind of exhilarating to have a secret like that. At this point, you had already totally forgotten about the flowers.

During the fourth week of knowing Jungkook, you were staying late at the clinic, taking your regular night shift to take care of your little patients. You had just made your rounds, giving all the animals their medicine and checking on their bandages, before sitting down in the reception area, in case of emergencies coming in. But it was a super quiet evening, so you took out your phone. Almost on cue, a message popped up: “Finished work?”

Y/N: “Nope, having a night shift today.”

JK: “Oh, sounds tough.”

Y/N: “Not really. It’s quiet tonight.”

Nothing came after that and you put the phone away again, turning your head to the entry, the glassdoor giving you a perfect view of the rain shower outside. It really was coming down hard today. Bored, you took another round visiting your furry patients, giving them an extra round of cuddles. Suddenly the sound of the door tore through the hallway and you were quick to place the cat with the broken paw down to go and check on the new arrival.

You were utterly stunned to see Jungkook standing in the half opened door, dripping wet and with a huge bouquet of your favourite flowers in hand.

“It’s pouring rain! Why are you here?!”, you exclaimed, approaching him with a shake of your head.

“Well, florists dont deliver at this hour.”, he said cheekily with a shrug. “So I came personally.”

He held out the dripping bouquet to you, which you took gratefully, enjoying the heavy fragrance of the flowers.

“You really shouldn’t have, but thank you. They are gorgeous.”, you said, sending him a smile, before inviting him to the staff room.

“Let me make you a tea and grab you a towel.”

“You got coffee instead?”, he asked, running a hand through his hair. It had changed color, you noticed, though you also instantly thought that you prefered it black.

A few minutes later you came back with a small towel and a steaming cup of coffee, taking a seat across from him at the small table. The entire room was tiny, but it was enough for the team.

“So this is where you work, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s a good place. It has nice people and I like how we truly take our time for each patient.”, you explained. You knew that not every clinic was like that, having done internships elsewhere during your studies.

“Aren’t you busy though?”, it was now your turn to ask him a question.

“I am most nights, but we do get our time off as well.”, Jungkook replied. “Our agency is a good place too.” You nodded, having read up a bit about Big Hit since your meeting with one of their idols. You also realized that you did know and enjoy quite a few of BTS’ songs, even though you had never been able to put a face to them. Now you enjoyed them even more.

“Do you want a tour?”, you asked, after a minute of silence fell between you, during which Jungkook tried to dry his hair. He agreed with a nod, before following you around. There wasn’t much to show, but he did spend some time in the patient rooms, giving the animals some pets and cuddles. He was good with them, you notcied and they seemed to like him in return.

“You have two cats at home, right?”, he asked, his hand still stroking a fat tabby, who was at the clinic because of stomach problems. The owner insisted something was wrong with him, even though you had determined that he just needed a change in food and a consistent diet.

“Yeah, Mr. Paws and Pogi.”, you replied. “I got them both from here, when the owners didn’t want them anymore.”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped to you, one of his eyebrows raised. “People do that?”

“Sometimes, unfortunately. Mr. Paws has a missing paw, ironically. We had to amputate it and the owner thought his cat would need special treatment because of it. And Pogi just needs regular medication and special food.” Small things really, but some owners just couldn’t handle it.

“I saw pictures of them and I never notcied the missing paw.”, Jungkook said.

“I don’t make a point of making it the focus on pictures.”

You ended the tour back in the staff room, where Jungkook took his coffee for a few sips, the drink instantly helping to warm him up.

“I have to miss our drama this friday.”, he suddenly announced. “So you have to give me detailed updates or at least a good summary.”

“You could just watch the rerun online.”, you suggested.

“It’s no fun alone. So unless you can wait a day for the new episode...”

“I make no promises, since the last episode ended on a cliffhanger.. but I’ll try to be patient.” He smiled at your humor, but you were serous. The show was more enjoyable with him.

“How did you get here?”, you eventually asked.

“I took a cab, but told them to let me out in front of a restaurant nearby. From there I walked.” In the pouring rain no less. Probably so the cab driver wouldn’t tell where he went. It was a clever ruse, but it was a shame that it was even necessary.

“Need a ride home?”, you asked. “I think I’m not a bad driver and I have some minor experience with idol passengers.”

His smile grew even wider at that. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“But I do stil have to work for an hour before I can take my break.”, you said, glancing at the clock on the wall.

“Just a break? What time do you go home?”

“This is just like a hospital with normal night shifts. Usually they are covered by our senior staff, but because some are on holiday, the task falls to me. So today, I’m staying till 7am. But I get the next day off.”, you explained. Those almost 24 hour shifts were draining, but rare, so you didn’t mind them at all.

“Oh, I think I will need loads of coffee to make it until 7am...”, he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I might as well keep you company. That will be the perfect way to show my gratitude.”

“You really don’t have you...”; you started.

“I have a free day tomorrow as well, so I don’t mind.”, he insisted casually. “Besides, we get a chance to talk about that drama in person. It’s easier than typing.”

You still didn’t get why he wanted to stay. Somehow you could not imagine that it was because he simply started to enjoy your company through your online talks.

For almost the whole night, you just talked and drank copious amounts of coffee. He followed you on your patrol rounds, helping you with minor tasks whenever he could. And although it was strange, it was the best night shift ever. Most of the time, it didn’t feel like you were hanging out with an idol, but just with a really nice guy. A really handsome one at that.

“This is nice.”, Jungkook said, voicing what you had been thinking. “But I do need another coffee.”

“You could also just take a nap.”, you offered. “I’ll wake you before it’s time to go.” It was already 4 am at this point.

He seemed to think about the offer. “Ok, but we will grab some breakfast together to make up for lost time.”

Did he really feel like he owed you all this time? You weren’t quite sure what to answer, so you just nodded and went to grab him a blanket. There was a small sofa in the staff room specifically for the nightshift or patients who could not see blood.

“Goodnight, Jungkook.”

“Goodnight, Y/N”

Hearing it live was so much better than reading his text you decided. And with a smile you made yourself another coffee to last the remaining hours.

#jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungook x y/n #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader #bts army #bts fanficion #bts romance #jungkook

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