#who knows certainly not my sleep deprived self lol

[summertimemusician]

Linktober Day 6

Mask(s)

Soft and sweet with just a hint of melancholic because 1.I'm tired and probably need a nap father than coffee, 2.I actually managed to make a pretty good mocha and the Anchorage LOZ animatic came onto my playlist before writing this and it kind of influenced my mood, and 3. I'm saving the usual Majora's Mask flare of angst for another prompt because I was having way too much fun dissecting the tragedy of the Hero of Time before sleep deprivation snatched the idea away which is usually my sign to pass the heck out and save the second option for when I have more energy lol.

For the Warriors fans, also Warriors is a disaster of an older sibling but we adore and appreciate him for it in this household, as always can be implied romantic or platonic between him and reader.

You were all but pinned down to the ground, brought down more effectively and unable to find the strength to get up.

Well, not literally, there were no enemies nearby, the chaos at camp had long since died down and there wasn’t anything much to do now that night had fallen, the heavens deigning to put all of it’s glittering jewels on display.

Were it any other day you’d probably focus more on appreciating it in full, the fire was crackling merrily, you were safe and had a full stomach and even with the ever present threat of the Shadow possibly deciding to ambush you all while most of your guards were down, you had your boys with you and the crisp autumn petrichor was a balm on your soul, weary from the journey.

Maybe it would be fine to rest for a little while.

And then the small figure clinging to you flinched, burrowing closer and holding onto your tunic like a lifeline. And awareness came to you like a smack over the head with a log, your fingers gently carding through blond locks as you hum gently. Weighting options and just how quietly you could move without bothering the precious Sprite at your side.

You had guessed Time had been a sweet kid, and you still wanted to lodge a formal complaint with the gods for writing such cruel fate for him because the man couldn’t catch a break and you’re not the only one to take it personally. But he was killing you here, this is how you die, with an adorable but oh so heartbreakingly sad little boy having fallen asleep leaning against you after telling you all sorts of stories about his extensive mask collection.

(You don’t know wether you want to cry, scream or laugh, Mask was so, so young. It breaks your heart, just a little.

Really, the deities of Hyrule must adore tragedies. Bastards.)

Sighing, you decide to compromise, gently keeping the Kokiri boy right where he is, fast asleep and with barely any nightmares as you hum and card your fingers through the spun gold strands, you brush your fingers through the last masks he fell asleep mid through telling the story of how he’d acquired. If you were careful surely you’d be able to reach his pack on his side so he wouldn’t worry later.

A pair of brown boots invade your vision, Warriors crouches down. You think you spot a flash of surprise on his eyes as he spots Mask napping on you, and then fond amusement of a big brother you knew he directed often towards Wind, tone low, “Well would you look at that, out like a light. It’s a rare honor for him to trust anyone like this.”

You chuckle a bit, shaking your head, “I can tell, he’s a good kid. I’ve barely met him for a day and I’d already take on an army for him.”

“Welcome to my world.”, comes Warriors dry response, though you both knew he was a hundred percent serious, his own mask quickly falling away as he gently picked up the Deku Sprout Mask to put it back in the small sprite’s pouch, hiding it’s confused, fearful sadness from your gaze (and it’s an effort, not to twitch, as your rage towards Majora gained even more kindling to burn) as the soldier handled it with the due solemnity of being one of the few Mask would allow to even touch the masks without his immediate supervision, “... I never thought I’d see him again, as...”

“I know.” Your tone was quiet, as you carefully picked your choice of words.

If there’s one thing you knew about any Link, is that they’re all really good elder brother’s and that they are too hard on themselves. Warriors specially, Mask and Wind were his everything, there wouldn’t be words that could describe how gutted he was, after confirming his suspicions with you, regretting not saying anything against Mask joining the battle field back then, loathing himself for not convincing him or Lana into letting him stay in spite of his bad feeling that as soon as the young hero of time passed through that portal he was unlikely to ever meet him again.

... You settle for something simple, instead, reaching a hand to softly pat his head, taking care not to mess his hair too much, “You did good, Wars, it’s not your fault. Mask also knows you did your best.”

He still, sighing, the mask falling away as he guides your hand to his lips, quietly thankful (really, like big brother like little brother, your wonderful, silly, caring boys. You make a point to cheerfully bat away the butterflies in your stomach, ), “... Feels hard to believe that, some times. Thank you.”

You hum, after putting the Zora mask away, Warriors takes Mask’s other side, pulls you closer and breathes.

(Just in case, he lies to himself.)

You quietly listen to his stories about his little brother, and Warriors is content.

#linked universe x reader #linked universe warriors x reader #will I ever post the original story I was gonna use for this prompt? #who knows certainly not my sleep deprived self lol #more implied than romantic if you ask me but frankly that's about what I expected when Warriors decided to show up on this prompt #man is the most charming of the Chain but you can't tell me he would know where to begin with any sort of romantic feelings #so lots of unspoken understanding happens here instead so it's up to interpretation lol #Reader: I've had Mask for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I'd murder everyone in Hyrule and then myself. #Warriors. Approving: I know this. And I love you (feeling unspecified). #The Rest of the Chain: And we support you #Is Warriors wanting to be close in reference to the Kohga prompt? #Does he just want Mask and Reader close because he is smart enough to infer what happens to him #Does he just want them there because like all Links he has several abandonment issues? #Who knows! I just know that he is rife with trauma tokens so you all can spin the wheel and decide #Mask is probably Warriors biggest regret and I am going to shake people about it if not stopped #You can't tell me that he wouldn't have wanted to take him in once he learned he was an orphan traveling all alone with his pony in the WoA #All Links are big sibling coded just on different wavelengths #The WoA was just Wars accidentally picking up several feral strays while a war happened in the back #ex Mask Wind Tetra Skull Kid and Linkle #summer writes linktober 2023 #summer writes

[justgowithitplease]

Hi! Love sending request bc I'm too lazy to write them myself sometimes 😆 How about Tim x fem!reader where she's been training in martial arts for many years, but doesn't tell Tim (she knows he's RR), and Tim somehow doesn't know she's a nth degree black belt lol so she fakes not knowing bc she likes learning from him.

Pardon moi but,💍🧎/p

Sorry if i went a bit off Track on this, i just went with the flow while trying to stick to the request. Another apology for any terrible descriptions of fighting, i hath tried my best ;-;. Thank you for the ask anon, This was v v fun to write!

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[Reader] was many things, but a fighter was not one of them. At least not to Tim Drake. To him, she was a literature major who loved Jane Austen, an artist who loved to draw nature, a creator. A lover. His lover. Many Things, but certainly not a fighter. And that's the way She intended to keep things. Sure, [Reader] was a black belt, but her boyfriend doesn't need to know that. None of the Wayne's do. She doesn't hide it because its embarrassing or anything. but rather because she likes not having them know. Specifically, she liked how Tim wanted to make sure she was safe, so he started training with her, teaching her self defense. After what happened to his parents, he wanted to make sure that he never lost another loved one again, especially not you.

"Master Tim, Ms. [Reader] is here to see you." Alfred stated, scaring the sleep deprived 20 y/o.

"Thank you Alfred. Do we have anymore coffee?" Tim asked the butler.

"Yes, But not for you." Alfred said as he left the room, leaving Tim and [Reader] alone.

"Hey baby! You ready?" Tim asked her.

"To get my ass kicked? As ready as i'll ever be!" [Reader] stated with a chuckle.

"Dont be so harsh, you're getting better!" He said as he walked over and took her hand leading her down stairs to the old grandfather clock with the passage to the Batcave.

As they Walked down, [Reader] exclaimed "Gosh, how does it get colder down here every time?" and huddled closer to her boyfriend.

"I think Bruce is secretly turning down the heater."

"Why on earth would he do that?"

"I don't know but im not mad at it!" Tim said with a chuckle as [Reader] inched closer to him.

As the pair continued walking down the long corridor, they soon found the training area with all of Tim's siblings. Almost imediatley after [Reader] entered the cave, she was met with an abundance of "Hey!"s, "Heyo!"s, "Hi [Reader]!'s and many other greetings. The Female gave her greetings, then walked over and set her stuff down on a bench, next to Tim's.

"Ready?" Her boyfriend asked, entering the ring with a swift motion.

"As ready as i'll ever be!" [Reader] said as she walked over and climbed into the ring.

"On 3." Tim told her, giving her time to prepare.

"3..."

Deep Breaths.

"2..."

Don't do anything that will give away your secret.

"1!'

She lunged towards her boyfriend, arms out and ready to pin him down. He Narrowly avoided her attack, barely stepping back in time.

'Shit' she thought, ' he's definatley going to know now.'

"That's a new move! Where'd you learn that?" he said, jokingly. Suddenly, he countered by leg sweeping her. [Reader] did a back handspring, effectively dodging any further attacks.

'Wow, he's definitely not going to train with you any more.' she thought to herself, seeing the slightly shocked expression on her boyfriends face.

"Well if you're not holding back...' He said with a smirk. Suddenly he jumped forward and swung his arm. [Reader] grabbed his arm and flipped him, pinning him to the ground. She had won the fight.

"Ok you are definitely training with someone. Who is it? Is it Dick? I bet its Dick." He started rambling, with his face growing more and more confused.

"It-its not Dick." She said sheepishly.

"Then who is it?" Her boyfriend asked, now confused.

"My Sensei..." She mumbled, barely audible.

"Who?" he asked, not able to hear his female companion.

"My Sensei." She said, louder.

"You do karate? What level-i guess colors would be more appropriate- are you at? How long have you been training for? Why haven't you to-"

"I-i was nervous..." [Reader] said with a half-hearted laugh.

"Why would you be nervous?"

"Because i like training and learning with you, and i was afraid that you wouldn't want to train with me if you knew i already knew how to fight."

"Babe, i would want to train with you anyways. I think that that's so cool that you know all that. I will want to be with you always, no matter what. In training or... just in general."

"I love you, Tim."

"I love you, [Reader]."

"GET A ROOM YOU TWO! OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO TRAIN WITHOUT SEEING . . . ALL THAT!" Jason Interrupted, ruining the moment.

[sailxrmxrs]

IM JUST SURPRISED NO ONE HAS TAKEN BLOOMING PANICS “oh no my s/o passed out from stress or an illness and now im super worried” HURT/COMFORT TROPES VIRGINITY YET. nightowl would blame onion 😗 LOL

alright bet. have some headcanons about the lis reacting to their s/o who has passed out or gotten ill because of being overworked, exhausted, and stressed. mc isn't too sick but is just clearly tired and has been overdoing it without resting and of course they tried to pretend everything was fine (spoiler alert: it was not fine). so the stress builds up and oh no something's wrong. they're not okay but the lis know how to fix this...right? anyway we'll have a sliver of hurt/comfort but tbh it'll mostly be comfort because angst is not my forté. will add a mild content warning for discussions of poor lifestyle habits ie. sleeping and eating. doesn't get too dark with said topics but they are at the centre of mc's stress for most of these. also toast's got Very Long so uh enjoy the food toast simps. thanks for requesting, anon!

♡ nightowl ♡

College was a struggle for anyone and Nightowl knew the pain of late night deadlines as well as any other student. More than a few times he'd pulled all-nighters so that he could get assignments finished or study for upcoming exams. It wasn't the healthiest routine but he always made sure to get plenty of sleep in at some point throughout the day. Sure, his sleep schedule was a little messed up but he wasn't sleep deprived, by any means. The same, however, could not be said for you. Early morning classes meant that staying in bed an extra hour or two wasn't an option, but those same rapid deadlines were looming overhead and so most nights you would only get a few hours of sleep—certainly not enough to be a fully functioning human and certainly not enough to remain healthy, either. The same poor schedule and assignments led to skipping meals and just generally not maintaining yourself as well as you should be. Nightowl would text frequently, the two of you meeting up whenever you could to take your minds off the stresses of college life. But no matter how much Nightowl checked in with you, there was no telling just how exhausted and stress-ridden you'd gotten.

It wasn't until one evening when you went over to his place, not wanting to cancel your plans despite how tired and lightheaded you were feeling. You'd been up since the early hours of the morning for classes after staying up late to finish studying. The day had rushed by and so you'd only had a few snacks to eat around lunchtime. So not long after greeting Nightowl did you end up passing out right on the floor of his bedroom. Cue a panicked Nightowl stressing about whether or not he should call an ambulance or just trust himself to take care of you. After carefully depositing you on his bed, Nightowl would grab his phone and hurriedly message whoever was online to ask for advice—which only led to Onion berating him for leaving you abandoned while he went on his phone. But Nightowl would toss aside his phone in frustration and focus on grabbing some water for you and trying to wake you up so that he could get some food into you. He doesn't have a whole lot of food lying around that isn't some form of snack but there's a few things lying in his cupboards that would make for a good meal. Anything to stave off the building worry and self-admonishment for not noticing just how badly you were doing.

Later on, once Nightowl feels satisfied that you're doing okay and have been well fed and looked after, Nightowl stays up to take some of the workload off your hands. Obviously he can't do assignments and things for you, but he can help organise your notes or send that one professor an email that really needs answering. Just small menial tasks that don't take long individually but soon start to build up over time. Nightowl's happy to be of help in some way, even if it means putting off his own studying for your sake. When you do wake up for a short moment to see him sat at his desk, Nightowl's insides turn to liquid at the bleary, sleep infested eyes that blink at him under the glow of his fairy lights.

"Come to bed, Nightowl." Your voice is quieter than normal, body still half asleep. But how could he say no to that? So he agrees, guiding your exhausted form back to bed where he lays with you and holds you as tightly as possible. What happened earlier was scarier and has only prompted him to cherish you even more.

♡ quest ♡

Quest is just getting home from work, having texted you to let you know he'd be a little later than usual finishing off some task his boss had asked for him to do. He's looking forward to spending the night together in comfy clothes eating something quick and easy since it's the end of the week and you're both extremely tired. He's noticed the slight changes to your schedule, the way you've been coming to bed later and later after insisting you've got to finish that one job before sleeping. Not to mention the early morning alarms to get up and go off to work. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried, and had broached the topic a couple of times with you; he'd suggested taking a couple days off for an extended weekend trip somewhere or even just asking for a lighter workload on your current project. But each time you'd brushed him off saying that you were fine and this was just a busy time of year. Somehow Quest didn't exactly buy that but respected your boundaries, backing off but quietly encouraging you to come to bed half an hour earlier or staying in bed an extra few minutes in the mornings. He wanted to be there for you as much as he could.

And so when he arrived home to see you sitting on the sofa wrapped in a blanket, eyes rimmed with dark circles, Quest knew it had gone too far. Within an instant he was on his knees in front of you, one hand holding onto yours while the other slid to your forehead to check if you were feverish. His face is marred with concern as he examines the tiredness in your eyes and the guilt that resided there, knowing this was self-inflicted.

"I knew I should have told you to rest more," he sighed, deciding that your current state wasn't too pressing of a matter. All you needed was some good food and a healthy dose of sleep. Long term. Quest was fully prepared to take it upon himself to get you a couple days off work, though you'd already beaten him to it, knowing you needed the rest.

"Sorry for worrying you. It's just been so hectic at work and I felt bad not helping out where I could," you explained as Quest resided in the kitchen, steadfast on preparing a hearty meal to restore some energy before bed.

"I get it, I really do. But you've got to take care of yourself more. Or, at the very least, let me take care of you." Quest was fully immersed in his role of doting boyfriend, determined not to let this happen again. He was too sweet and caring to not accept his willing offer. Maybe you could let loose a little and not take on so much work. Though you were certainly more than happy to indulge in the comforts of Quest's embrace as he held you close against his chest, encouraging you to take a nap once you'd finished eating his homecooked meal. After all, your eyelids were feeling heavy and his chest was such a welcome comfort that it wouldn't hurt to take a quick nap. And maybe that quick nap wouldn't end up being quite so quick and would result in Quest gently moving you to carry you off to bed once it started getting a little late.

♡ xyx ♡

The sun was beating down, doing nothing to help the heat and exhaustion already sinking deep into your bones from the hike you'd been taking with Xyx. It was a frequent occurrence in your relationship to go hiking on the weekends you didn't have anything else planned. But, as a result of lacking sleep throughout the work week, you were left feeling incredibly weak. Not to mention the heated weather had left you dehydrated. Still, you wanted to push through it for Xyx, not wanting to worry him over something you'd deemed wasn't worth fixating on. As long as you could get through this one afternoon, you'd be able to rest and catch up on all the sleep you'd missed throughout the week. Though, as it turned out, your body had other plans and the otherwise enjoyable afternoon was cut short when you collapsed in the path. Xyx was immediately by your side, able to recognise the injury in your ankle caused by the fall as a point of concern.

"Shit, doll. Why didn't you say anything?" His tone was teeming with frustration laced concern as he looked around, hoping to spot someone who could offer a hand. Being so far out of the city other hikers were few and far between, leaving Xyx no choice but to carry you back to his car. He was deadly silent the entire way there, barely even speaking once you were both in the car other than to pass a water bottle over to you and instruct that you drink. Guilt struck you in droves, sensing the worry embedded in the crease of Xyx's brow. You hadn't meant for it to get this bad nor cause him such concern. But there was no undoing the past and so you had to sit with your choices and hope the injury you'd sustained wasn't too serious.

After a trip to the hospital to get your ankle checked out, which turned out to only be a minor sprain, you and Xyx returned home. The official order had been significant rest and care, along with ice to help reduce the slight swelling and redness. Xyx's face was a wall of stone as he listened and thanked the doctor for their time. Even now, after returning home and helping you onto the sofa while Cat meowed for their dinner, his expression had barely altered. Quiet with Xyx was far worse than any shouting or chastising comments. Turning quiet meant that he was stewing in his thoughts, internalising everything rather than speaking his mind. And there was little that concerned you more than Xyx locking away those emotions again.

He exhaled a sigh as he sat down beside you, letting his entire weight fall onto the sofa. His head tilted back and he rested the palm of his hand on his forehead. "Do you know how much you scared me today, love?" His voice was low, a soft sound only heard thanks to the crushing silence hanging between you both.

"I didn't think it was that bad. I never meant to worry you."

"Whether you meant to or not, you still did," Xyx replied, tone sharp. He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I'm not mad at you just..."

You ran a hand up his arm, unable to do much more thanks to your current limited mobility. "I know."

"Thought I was the one meant to be getting you to tend to my wounds, not the other way around, doll." A smile crept on Xyx's face, the worry and concern etched into his features slowly fading. Everything would be fine. But it was certainly a lesson for the both of you.

♡ nakedtoaster ♡

Lately your work schedule had been gruelling. Night after night you stayed behind later and later to finish the plethora of tasks that had been left to you. It was only inevitable that somewhere along the way you'd fall ill. But there was not time to take the day off work—there was simply too much to be done. You'd complained about the difficult schedule to Toast, their kind words of encouragement the only thing getting you through the day. Of course he'd suggested just quitting your job but despite the difficult schedule it sometimes handed your way, you did like working there. Just not when you were being overworked to the point of agonising exhaustion. And so, when you felt the signs of illness coming on, you just pressed yourself further in the hopes of getting ahead of schedule so that you might be able to afford time off. Toast had warned you this was a terrible idea and, frankly, you knew this too. But what else could you do in such a scenario? Either miss deadlines and risk getting fired or do the work and hope for the best. The weekend was almost here, after all, so you could rest plenty then.

When Toast arrived home one evening to seeing your shoes beside the door signalling an early arrival home, he knew something was wrong. If you'd managed to get away from work this early you'd have texted or called in celebration. So that meant only one thing: you were even more ill and had been sent home to rest. Sure enough, when he entered your shared bedroom, Toast was met with the sight of you in bed. You were wearing an old shirt of his and had a cup of water along with some medicine sitting on the bedside table. Judging by the flush in your cheeks, Toast could tell you were likely feverish too.

"Someone's been working too hard, haven't they?" He teased when you smiled weakly at him, eyes adjusting to the light after a short nap. "Work send you home?"

"Yeah. Apparently almost passing out at work because you were burning up isn't a good sign," you replied, burrowing under the covers with the plush toy Toast had bought you on one of your first dates.

"Anything to get you to rest, I suppose. How are you feeling?" He brushed a gentle hand against your cheek, pleased that your skin didn't feel too feverish.

"I'm doing okay. I think I slept most of it off at this point."

"Hungry?" They asked, taking hold of the glass on your bedside table so that they could refill it with some fresh water. You nodded in reply, feeling your eyelids growing heavy. "You take another nap and I'll come wake you up when it's ready, okay?" Toast didn't bother to wait for a reply, knowing you were ready to fall back asleep. He was glad to see you able to rest without worrying or panicking over some menial task you'd been assigned by your boss. But now, there was a slightly more pressing matter at hand—dinner. They couldn't just order something in while you were sick. This needed to be a homecooked meal. Only problem being, that Toast could not cook much more than literal toast. So, he called up the first person who came to mind—Quest.

"Okay, Quest don't make fun of me but can you please teach me how to make some chicken soup or something. Nothing crazy just give me ingredients and a step-by-step or something."

Not too long later, you awoke to the smell of food coming from the hallway. Whatever was being made had you suddenly very aware of just how hungry you were. As you reached the kitchen door, you could hear Toast's frantic words as they rushed about the kitchen. A second voice was slightly muffled, as though playing through a speaker.

"Look I'm sure it's turned out fine and they'll love it," a voice that resonated in your ears as Quest's sounded from the room.

"But what if this makes it worse? What kind of boyfriend would I be if I made my already sick partner even more sick?" Toast had their hands on the kitchen counter, either side of his phone with his head down so you couldn't see his face.

"Did you do all this for me?" You asked, eyeing up the food on the stove that looked and smelled delicious. Whatever instructions Quest had given them clearly worked. "You're so sweet." You threw your arms around Toast as you burrowed your face into their back, hearing Quest say quick goodbyes before leaving the call.

"Um. I wanted you to have something special made since you were sick so I called Quest for help and I don't know how good it'll be but—"

"It looks amazing. Now stop worrying so we can eat."

#ask #blooming panic #blooming panic x reader #blooming panic fanfic #blooming panic nightowl #blooming panic xyx #blooming panic quest #blooming panic nakedtoaster #uh oh is this a subliminal message that i should sleep more #and maybe not stress out so much about working #anon that better not be a callout post #i am definitely not typing these tags at almost 6am what are u talking about ha ha #ANYWAY OFF TOPIC this is about bloomic lis being the best bfs you've ever seen #pls when is it my turn #anna writes

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Take My Hand ~ Lucifer x Reader

For so many, even those who know him, Lucifer is an enigmatic riddle that will never be solved. A question with no answer. A blank, white puzzle.  He keeps his stoic facade at all times, overworks himself on anything Diavolo gives him, and if he runs out of work, he finds more, from somewhere that nobody, even the young Prince, has no idea.

He’s always so strict and proper, dresses royal and there is seemingly no imperfection to him. Hell, even Asmo, the most narcissistic brother, is not-so-secretly jealous of his beauty and dominant and mysterious aura that engulfs him, that makes him even more enticing than one could think.

So what is the mysterious of this overly strict Fallen, the one that God loved the most, the one that led the Rebellion of the Celestial War aeons ago, actually hiding? What emotions is he so desperately trying to hide behind those sharp, ruby eyes of him that read into you like infrared?

What kind of fragility is trying to hide being that frozen block that became his heart that aches and burns harder than the Sun itself?

Perhaps that is something that only someone with a fresh perspective shall witness, someone who walks around like a ghost, unnoticeable, yet her eyes are wide and attentive, that can peer right into the depths of anyone’s soul.

They are complete opposites, and yet, they are more alike than anyone could even begin to realise - That is, if they are so adamant to be ignorant, as they’ve always been.

Apart from Solomon, not one, but two other humans were brought into Devildom, and that is because fate made it so that Lucifer chose a girl that had a sister.

A twin sister.

So of course, you cannot separate twins, so Diavolo was okay with bringing both of them, thinking it would be reminiscent of the 6th and 7th brothers, especially for their personalities are like light and day, like the Sun and the Moon, both of them beautiful, yet completely different.

And that was quickly made obvious once they arrived, for the brothers quickly swamped all over the younger sister, since she was a lovable, social butterfly, an extroverted free soul who loves to fool around and bend the rules to breaking point.

The older sister, however, was an introvert of few words, yet all of them were meaningful. She was incredibly diligent and hard-working, studying since the first day in RAD, she was much too busy to even bother going out of her way to break the rules, and had to do everything in her power to get her sister out of trouble, including doing her homework, to avoid detention.

The eldest brother, the most attentive, was quick to realise that all the brothers were attracted to the sunshine like moths to the fire that they didn’t even bother approaching the zircon wrapped in a velvet handkerchief.

He was, however, completely drawn to her...Or maybe it was the mystery surrounding her that he was interested in? He read once, in a human book, that the most intriguing is the journey, not the destination, yet he couldn’t help but wonder if it was similar to going to one’s soul.

Y/N’s soul was pure, it was bright, it was beautiful and tempting, which went in complete anti-thesis with the facade she pulled for everyone - And just like twins are, like Yin and Yang, she was truly the complete opposite of her bright sister that held a dark soul.

But days began to rapidly pass by, and with each day, countless of problematic events happened, that made Lucifer, and not only him, pissed off beyond belief, at the younger sister, and the older one was forced to bare the consequences and solve the problem..

These continuous occurrences started eroding her soul, bit by bit, darkening it, overshadowing her light, and it was beginning to concern the raven haired man, for, in the end, it was still his job to make sure the humans are okay and comfortable in Diavolo’s Kingdom.

Exams were coming along, and Lucifer could see Y/N was beginning to become much paler and less talkative. He didn’t see her as often outside of the classroom, and even to meals that they would always share together...And he began to worry.

He knows very well that humans are very frail, weak and sensitive creatures, that constantly needed to be taken care of, and he knew very well that she wouldn’t have much until she’d collapse.

“Does anyone have a pen, please? All of mine have been completely used up, and I need to urgently finish an assignment.” 

Speak of the devil, Lucifer thought, as his D.D.D.’s notification sound popped on his study desk, where he, himself, was also working on his own assignments, and he chuckled at the coincidence, and pondered over if he should tease her a bit, to provoke her, or not.

Something that Lucifer always loved was to push someone’s boundaries...Not some pushover like Mammon, clearly, but strong, dominating people, much like Satan, much like himself. He wanted to see how far can he push someone until they get angry, until they lose their composure, until they show their true face, until their facade crumbles, and they are no longer the self they show to everyone.

It’s satisfying seeing others step on their pride...

Since he would never do that, clearly. He isn’t the Avatar of Pride for nothing.

Asmo: Nope! I only have my personalised, engraved pen, and I can’t give it to everyone! Beel: Sorry, I accidentally ate all my pens while trying to write my homework. Belphie is sleeping. Levi: I don’t have pens, I write everything on my laptop. Satan: I always misplace mine. I only have the one I keep in my notebook. Mammon: Lol, you’re doing homework? Hah, what a dork! Sorry, I ain’t using Goldie to buy pens! Why not ask your sister? Anyka: You bought 10 pens barely 2 weeks ago, how the hell did you even finish them? Y/N: I have a lot to do. Do you have any spare pens? Anyka: Lol nope x Ask Lucifer or idk Barbatos??

The opportunity is shining, so...Should he start provoking her? Or would that break her even more? This should certainly be interesting... And if anything happens, he always knows when to put a stop to this charade. “I have a spare fountain pen, if it would do.” he sent her a DM, waiting for an answer. “Perfect. Are you in your study, or your bedroom?” she sent an immediate answer, which made him smirk. “Study. If you beg me nicely, I can also give you the ink for it.” he was playing with fire, and damn, was it exhilarating. “You...Want me to...Beg? For a pen and ink? To do my assignments? I don’t think Diavolo would be pleased to hear that.” she typed after an obvious few moments of hesitation. “Sometimes compromises must be made in order to achieve your goal. You are aware, I am sure, that if you do not finish your homework for tomorrow, you will receive detention.” this was getting very interesting, and he couldn’t wait to see what her next step would be. “Fine. I will ask Barbatos then. Thanks for the offer. Have a pleasant night.” she cut him off with clear acid in her words, which made Lucifer chuckle in satisfaction.

She was though, and entertaining. What an adorable little lamb.

And it was true, she asked Barbatos, who told her that he couldn’t go over to the House of Lamentation, for he has to take care of Diavolo, and he refused to allow her to leave the dorms without someone by her side to make sure no stray demon attacks her.

That was a true bummer.

So...She had to step on her pride to get a stupid pen to finish her assignments.  It wasn’t even homework, but she still had hours of work she had to do. It was barely midnight, she couldn’t even attempt to go sleep now.

Going to sleep means obvious overthinking, which means lack of sleep, so better be productive and work, then destroy yourself more than you already are, doing nothing, while staring and cursing the ceiling.

Y/N sighed, breaking the pen in two out of anger, and wobbly got out of her study chair, making a bee line to Lucifer’s study and knocking on the door, waiting to hear the approval word to enter the room. She barely opened the door, walking in front of the seated form of Lucifer, who held his spare fountain pen almost mockingly in front of her.

He was watching her like a hawk, every movement analysed as if under a microscope, almost as if he was carefully searching for any flaw or mistake she would make. However, he could see she wasn’t well. She was sleep deprived, her complexion was much paler than normal, she had dark bags under her eyes...And her posture was slouched, almost sloppy. Lucifer knew she has always been a diligent person, so the homework couldn’t possibly be long overdue. She would have done it in the day it was given. So...What was the urgency? Could it be that...She was...Just like him?

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to beg for a pen, but, Lucifer, may I please borrow your pen? I promise to return it to you tomorrow, buy a new ink, to your preference, as soon as classes are over and I can go to proper shopping.” her voice was tired, just like her mind and body. She held no emotions in her words. It was almost as if she was intentionally damaging herself to make up for-

Oh.

Perhaps she wasn’t as different from him as he thought she was, and now, at least, he can better understand why she was deteriorating as fast as she was.

“You can keep it, I don’t mind. However, as the head of the student council, and the one who has to overlook this exchange program, I would have to advise you to take better care of yourself and rest, instead of overworking yourself.” Lucifer told her, with a less condescending voice, only to receive a sarcastic scoff, which confused him. “Tell me that when you’re going to follow your own advice.” and she left.

A chuckle escaped his mouth as soon as the door was closed, and for the first time in ages, he actually went to bed early...For his standards. He had to be very attentive of this one, however...She was much more interesting than he believed.

And the first thing he saw in the morning, as he stepped in the classroom, he saw Y/N handing a file to her sister - A file with all the homework for the whole week, that is - And now he could understand why she was overworked. She was going about life in all the wrong ways...Not that he should be one to talk. He knows his own faults, but admitting them to another is a complete different matter.

But things were going to take a horrid turn for the worst, beginning with Diavolo calling everyone for the Student Council meeting, only to announce that the exchange students were going to have a lowered pass/fail line anymore, but will have to work and achieve the demons’ standards and rise to the challenge given.

“If you’re going to control a demon’s powers, you need to have a proper understanding of them and how they should be used.” Diavolo said, which made him realise that the twins, somehow, managed to make pacts with all of the brothers...All of them, sans one. That one being himself, of course. “Hey, whoa, that’s a bit sudden, don’t you think? Exams are just around the corner!” Anyka protested, obviously shocked. “RAD exams are surprisingly tough.” Belphie nodded in agreement. “I’m sure both of you are going to do great, especially if you’ve studied a little bit throughout the semester.” Diavolo smiled, as usual, and the older twin mimicked no emotion on her face. “But...! But I haven’t! I had fun with the brothers all this time...What am I gonna do?! Y/N, say something!” the younger twin shook her sister, waking her up from her trance. “Hmm...? What should I say? He’s right.” she shrugged, not bothering to look at anyone. “I’ve already considered that, and I have a plan. Satan, you are going to be tutoring Y/N and Anyka up until the day of exams.” Lucifer dumped the responsibility on the blond brother, who was barely able to say anything from the shock of being put on the spot. “Oh, that’s perfect! Thank you soooo much, Satan! You’re the best!” Anyka jumped on the 4th born, who chuckled awkwardly. “Thanks, but I can do this by myself. If this was all, then I’m going to see you during the exams. Bye.” she gave a brief peace sign, before leaving to her room, no doubt continuing her studying.

Obviously, Lucifer knew she had it in the bag if she focused. She’s a smart girl, she won’t have any problem...If she stays healthy, that is.  There was something about her that made him want to approach her, to hold her face, to look her in the eyes and tell her to stop doing this to herself. There was something about her innocence and heart that made him want to protect her at all cost, even if that meant protecting her from herself. He pondered offering to tutor her, but what could he even tutor her about, when she clearly knows everything there needs to be learnt about the exams?

He wanted to kiss her hands and reassure her that everything will be okay, and he wanted to hold her tight and help her fall asleep without having running thoughts through her head all the time.

But he can’t do that, can he? If he were to approach her, she’d run away, like a scared little baby fawn trying to find her mama, while being chased off by a hunter. He had to be gentle with her, delicate, to lure her into a sense of security and safety...A warm haven by his side...

But can he really manage to do that, when he’s supposed to be the Big Bad Scary Wolf who punishes everyone and doesn’t allow happiness in the dorms, as per so gracefully described by his lovely brothers?

The first day of the exams came much faster than Y/N realised - She had no idea how time flew by so fast, it felt like she just blinked and bam, exam days - So here she was, drinking her 3rd coffee for the morning while writing her answers for the exam.

Caladrius Blood was the third ingredient for that famous ancient elixir that required Powdered unicorn hood and bittergrass root, for the Magical Potions exam from that morning...

A forest, what covered the surface of Devildom shortly after it came into existence, the answer for the History exam from the afternoon...And a three-legged crow being the relief sculpture at the entrance to the Devildom royal tomb...

Yes, these were all incredibly easy questions, she had no problem, clearly. And that was the same for the 2nd day, with the hexes and curses... And then came the practical exam...Seductive Speechcraft test.

She looked around the classroom with a frown, knowing she had to pair up with someone, but all the brothers were crowding around her sister, and she could only sigh, looking down with her arms crossed, not knowing what to do.

“Would you like to pair up with me, Y/N?” Lucifer’s voice rang soothingly in her ear, making her turn around, her eyebrow raised in confusion. “You...Want to pair up...With me?” she asked in a slow, unsure voice, which made him smile and nod. “Yes, is something wrong with that?” he bent down slightly, getting closer to her face. “No, of course not. I was just...Surprised that anyone wanted to pair up with me. Anyway, we should get started.” she nodded, looking away from him and guiding him to a more secluded part of the classroom. “You have to be the one doing the seducing. I am really curious how you are going to proceed. Could you, perhaps, be...Scared?” with his infamous smirk, he looked smugly at how her otherwise unfaltering facade began to break slightly. “No...It’s just...If I knew I was going to be the one doing the seducing, I would have put on some make up this morning, so I wouldn’t look like I just woke up from death after being buried for 100 years...No, make that 1000 years.” she corrected herself after taking a quick look at her reflection on her D.D.D. “I can assure you, your appearance, for us, demons, won’t change a thing. It’s the words and gestures that matter.” he let out a soft chuckle, watching her nod in acknowledgement. “Okay, if you say so, then I will have to believe you. Can you promise me that you won’t attempt to kill me...Again...No matter what I say or do? Trust me, I want top grades, and I’m going to do anything in my power to snatch them.” her voice now was much firmer, and it sounded clearer, more confident. It was clear that her pride and ambition were on the line, and he wanted to see how she was going to seduce him. He could feel electricity running through his veins from the excitement. “Yes, of course. I won’t do anything to you. In fact, I will be the human, and you will be the demon. You have all the power now. Amaze me, Y/N.” he watched her turn to the side slightly, as if preparing her A-Game face - He was expecting her to try out an impersonation of a succubus, since they were plenty in Devildom, but what she did...Was beyond Lucifer’s power of comprehension.

Her eyes held a glimmer of innocence and pity, her soul somehow seemed to glow with purity and light, just like it was when she first arrived. Her demeanour wasn’t assertive, confident and mysterious, but held a tint of submissiveness and glowing affection, as if she wanted to touch him, but she was too afraid to approach a deity.

He thought that, as he gazed with interest at the girl in front of him, only to be shocked completely by how sweetly alluring her voice could sound, and he almost felt the need to have her cup his face so he could melt into her warm, soothing caress.

“Lucifer...Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Have you noticed how your health is starting to decline? I know you are a demon, and a few hours cut off your usual sleeping schedule won’t mean much for you, but you are exhausted, Lucifer. I hate seeing you like that...Overworking yourself...Finding more work to get piled under, even if you’ve already finished your assignments. I worry about you, and your health...But more...I worry about the reasons for your overworking. I know you’re trying so hard to keep away all the intrusive thoughts that keep plaguing your mind...You think that working to exhaustion is going to keep your mind busy, so you’ll sleep without having to overthink.” hearing those words, Lucifer truly wondered if she had veela or succubus genes in her family, or if her tongue was laced with the sweetest poison there is. She slowly approach him, gingerly holding both of his hands, looking down, imitating a timid kitten, and guiding him to the nearest chair behind him, so she could be at his height...Just a little above, creating the perfect angle to change from a submissive expression, to a more dominating, seductive gaze.

“You’re always so concerned about your brothers, wanting to make sure everything goes perfectly, to the plans that you create, because if things go out of control, you are afraid they will have to suffer...Just like it happened when you led the Rebellion. You still feel guilty for what happened. You are afraid that they regret following you...And so, you are purposely hurting yourself...And this self-inflicted pain became your own sense of comfort and defense. You are afraid that, if somehow, you indulge in your pleasure and the pain disappears, things are going to go out of control completely. You are afraid of the unknown and what it could bring...But trust me, Lucifer...I promise you...They love you. They love you, just as much as you love them. They don’t regret following you. You are a family, and they are happy and content staying together, all 7 of you, together. You deserve to be happy too, Lucifer. You deserve to allow yourself a day off from all this mess, and indulge in your pleasures.” she was so close to him, whispering in his ear, then crouching down, holding his hands, keeping them together and kissing them softly, sending shivers down his spine...But more, he froze completely on the spot. He was shocked...His mind was almost completely blank...Because...How could she possibly know all of this? How can she speak like that? She’s just a human...So...How...? Surely, his brothers had no idea, so how could she, a mere human who came by less than an year ago, understand and know him so well? His heart was beating fast, and it was in pain. It was expecting...It was conflicting everything he ever stood for. A day off? A day for himself? A day of self-care? A day...With her...?

“Won’t you allow me to take away the pain, just for the night? Allow yourself to feel something else other than pain and misery. Allow yourself to be happy. To feel emotional pleasure. Allow yourself to be yourself again, only for a night, because Lucifer, you are not a robot, or a machine, you are not programmed, wired, or running or petrol or gasoline. You have a beautiful heart that feels so much, but you are afraid of the myriad of unknown emotions that are desperately trying to burst out and scream at you to let loose...Because you can. You showed me that you are capable of letting loose, when we were stuck in Levi’s game. Do you remember, Lucifer? We were up on the roof, you had your hair in my lap, and I stroked it gently...You were smiling so beautifully...So carefree...Because you had no worries on your mind or heart. You were yourself. And you were happy.” she put her forehead to his, speaking softly, barely above a whisper, but despite her tone, her words spoke loudly, strongly, into his heart, making it pump faster and faster, energy shooting through his every nerve, vein, artery and capillary...His mind was completely captivated, and his heart was captured. Without even realising, his lips were parted and his eyes were wide from the shock, imagining himself in this utopic paradise that she created merely with her words.

“All you have to do is take my hand and follow me. It’s simple. You can do it, Lucifer. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be...What do you say?” she was perfect. She didn’t break her act for not even a split second. The sparkle in her eyes was there from the beginning to the end, and he could feel her fast-beating heart - It was regular for her, as she had the heart rate of a rabbit - It almost seemed natural for her to persuade and sweet-talk anyone like that. Without even realising it himself, he took her hand, looking at her eyes with an expression of wonder, awe and complete fascination...Until she gave him a devilish smirk, and her eyes started glinting with mischief, which made him frown slightly in confusion.

“I won.” was the last thing she said to him before pulling away from him completely, retorting to her bland and pained, exhausted demeanour. “If I made even Lucifer look at me with glazed eyes and made him take my hand, to take him to some dreamland oasis, then I’m sure I deserve the highest mark in the class.” she chuckled with a deadpan expression on her face, not looking at him. “How...Did you do that?” he asked in a low voice, almost not believing what just happend. “Oh, that was possibly the easiest thing I’ve ever done in a long while. You see...I hold great pride in being incredibly intuitive, perceptive, detail-oriented and being able to properly read people...And their hearts. If I had Asmo, I would have told him that he has an amazing personality, and he’s not just all-looks. If it was Mammon, I’d have showered him with praises. If it was Beel, I would have played the family, Lilith and guilt card...And the list goes on. If you, however, are asking how I managed to say all the right words to you...Well...It’s a bit different...And personal.” she spoke, looking at the teacher with a half-smirk as she was given the highest mark, and rightfully so. “What could be so personal that you managed to speak to me as if you are some ancient demon who has been luring people for aeons with her sweet words laced with acid?” he stood up, looking down at her with a stern expression, yet his mind and heart were fighting a war of conflict. “...I told you everything I would have liked someone to tell me all this time.” the raven haired man could see sadness clouding her face, before leaving to her room.

That was a true experience for Lucifer, he couldn’t deny that to himself, and more, for the whole day, no matter how much he tried to work - Her words kept haunting him, and as soon as he picked up the pen, he immediately thought back at the exam and threw it back on the desk.

He tried taking a hot bath, tried listening to that TSL soundtrack, but she was the one to give it to her, after she spent a fortune on Akuzon for his birthday present, but of course, he thought back at her, and he had to stop the music altogether.

Everything he did, he was reminded of those words that held the flavour of the Poison Apples he eats so often, and it was driving him insane. He could feel his brain overheating, and the pressure on his chest was so great that he wanted to dig his nails into his chest and rip apart the flesh, take out the heart and stomp on his heart, because he couldn’t take it anymore.  He was a demon, and he was a heavy sinner - He NEEDED to grab her hand and escape the horror of reality. He needed to feel that he wasn’t bound by space, nor time, a body or a brain - He needed to be just one soul, bound to another, to feel no more pain, no more reality - Only euphoria, content, happiness, pleasure.

He couldn’t believe he was so willing to give in to his desires, and it was only because of her. It was HER fault. And yet, her last words before her departure from the classroom kept echoing constantly - 

“I told you everything I would have liked someone to tell me all this time.”

He was right all along.

She truly was like him. She was the only one who could properly understand him, and likewise, he was the only one who could take her pain away.  Maybe it was his guardian-complex, having to constantly look after someone, needing to be useful to someone... He needed her, as much as she needed him... Because, unlike him, she could easily waste away, as she is nothing more than a human resembling the first Snowdrop in Spring. He could resist until the end of this world, just as he has done until now, but she couldn’t.

The endless train of thoughts was interrupted by yet another knock on his door, that proved to be the same person that plagued his mind - The little lamb walked into the wolf’s den, almost as if summoned, out of her own accord.

To bring him back his fountain pen, along with the promised high-quality ink...It made him chuckle at how adorable and thoughtful she was being, without realising.

“...You are troubled by something. Do you...Want to talk about it...Or should I leave you alone? I did say some pretty heavy words today, I understand if you wouldn’t want to stay in the same room as me for a while.” she gingerly put the items on his study, not looking up at him. “How come you never looked me in the eyes until then?” he asked, looking at her from the office chair. “I...Was never able to look anyone in the eyes, in my life. Now even my sister or my mother. It makes me start panicking...I get intimidated and scared...So I look away. I forced myself to behave the way I was supposed to, but it was the last thing from comfortable. Don’t take it personal.” she chuckled awkwardly, stepping back. “I was surprised that your words had such an impact that I was ready to follow you...But would you follow me? Would you be able to do the very thing that you told me just today? Would you be willing to strip away that facade of yours, take care of yourself, and allow your heart to feel again?” he asked, stepping slowly in front of her, almost resembling a predator prowling to its prey. “...I don’t want to break down and cry, because if I do...Things will only go downhill, very fast and very hard. I’m...Usually on a downward spiral, but when the wave hits...It takes a long time to swim back to the surface...And I’m sure for how many more times will I have the strength to move and breathe.” she muttered, shuffling on her feet, and Lucifer could understand very well. He could see how frail she has become, and it was all because her brain was working against her so heavily, for whatever reason that was eroding her so badly. “If you promise to stay by my side, I will be here to hold your hand and pull you out of the stormy tides. I will walk next to you for your whole journey, until you get tired of me. You just have to take my hand and let yourself be...Let yourself feel. Let out all the pent up emotions, then smile at me, because you have a beautiful smile, and I haven’t seen it in ages. I know you are afraid...It is frightening walking alone, in the dark, with so many monsters around you, ready to gnaw and maul at you...By I will be there, waiting for you, guiding you with a flashlight, ready to hold and protect you...So...What will you do, Y/N? Do you seek salvation and happiness, or are you ready to give up on yourself and want to succumb to the bottomless pit of the abyssal ocean you were thrown into.” he mimicked the way she talked, the way she moved, the way she articulated her words, as he took his gloves off, touching her face and softly caressing it, bending slightly to peer into her eyes.

He could see that she was afraid - She was beginning to tremble, her eyes were glossy, brimming with tears, her bottom lip was quivering and the conflict of good and evil was obvious inside of her - Her hands were in the air, ready, but not entirely, to grab his hands...

“All you have to do is take my hand and follow me. It’s simple. You can do it, Y/N. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be...What do you say?” he mimicked her own words, wanting to see if it would be enough of a push for her 

Choosing was truly a mortifying experience, but she was strong, he knew that - And that was made obvious when her shoulders finally started shaking, her breath becoming ragged....

And she threw her arms around his torso, letting rivers and rivers of tears fall down her already exhausted face. Her body was so small compared to his, so small...And so cold, in his warm arms...He couldn’t help but hold her tighter, stroking her hair soothingly, putting a kiss on the top of her head.

“Please take care of me, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I-I don’t want to leech off of you...I’ve always been everyone’s therapist...And I know how much it sucks...B-But you’re the only one who ever bothered to show me any kindness and understanding. Please, Lucifer, don’t let me drown...I’m so tired of swimming...I can’t go on.” her sobs were so pitiful and broken that it shattered his heart and resolve, and all he could do was guide her to the bed, knowing she was too weak to sit up for too long, and started rocking her gently, as he would do with his brothers long ago, in the Celestial Realm, whenever they were upset or had a nightmare.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, I’m here, and I’m not going away until you tell me to. You won’t drown...You grabbed the lifeline the second you took my hand, and I’m going to make sure you keep floating above the sheen of the water and have no problem breathing.” he reassured her, knowing very well how hopeless it feels being in that situation...But now they could at least cling onto each other for help, support, love brightness.

“How...? How did you know everything...?” she asked, clutching on his shirt, almost as if the harder she pulled, the better the chances of survival. “Because the very words you told me are what you needed to hear the most.”

#obey me #obey me x reader #obey me imagine #lucifer #lucifer x reader #lucifer imagine #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer imagine #diavolo jojo #obey me diavolo #barbatos #obey me barbatos #obey me mammon #mammon #levi #leviathan #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #satan #obey me satan #asmo #asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #beel #beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #belphie

[drxwsyni]

Headcanons for yandere Bakugou Katsuki, Tamaki Amajiki and Denki Kaminari with a darling who doesn’t feel pain

Anonymous said: “You know what I've always thought would be interesting. A yandere's darling with a quirk that makes them unable to feel physical pain. Do you know how crazy that would drive a yandere? Especially if that darling has like no family or friends. They would basically have a darling who would mangle their own body just to get away from them. Their punishments also wouldn't do a thing to them since they can't feel a thing. I think that would be a yandere's worst nightmare lol”

warnings: violence, torture, drugging, nsfw

_____

Now this is what I’m talking about. It would be the worst case scenario for sadistic type yanderes who instantly resort to harsh physical punishment whenever their darling slips up. Take someone like Bakugou, who I personally feel would act like this, and this very well would be his worst nightmare. His temper doesn’t allow for him to devise a proper, more humane plan for reprimanding his darling. There would never be an option for ‘talking it out.’ Just pure, unbridled pain in hopes of his darling learning their lesson.

But in this case, oh boy. It would really put him through the wringer. Bakugou wouldn’t understand how to correct their behaviour without using violence. So when he finds out they just...don’t feel pain? That alone would be enough to destroy almost all his plans for making them behave. To make things worse, he can’t even threaten them with hurting their loved ones. His brain might just short circuit trying to comprehend the situation. He’s got a darling that refuses to behave and is immune to anything he could use against them.

It’s safe to say that this particular situation would leave him at a loss for words for quite some time. Hell, he might just hurt them to let out his anger for a while even though he knows it does nothing. He’d just be so frustrated, dealing with a disobedient darling that just couldn’t care less what happens to their body if it means they have a chance of escaping.

Realistically though his darling probably still wouldn’t have a good chance at escaping either way. After finding out about their quirk the restraints would be increased tenfold. And once he comes to terms with it, the lockdown they’d be under would be suffocating. If he couldn’t hurt them he certainly wouldn’t let them hurt themselves. Even if they couldn’t feel it, the sight of them broken and bloody on their own accord would start to get to him. The whole point he had them locked up is to keep them safe, but he couldn’t even keep them safe from themselves? The whole ordeal would just be a mess, but eventually he would have to learn some other methods of punishment.

Technically, you don’t need to be in physical pain to hurt someone. You could just make them extremely uncomfortable―even damage them mentally.

I said this in my post about how Bakugou would deal with a bratty s/o, but there’s options like leaving them in a cold room to freeze for a while. There’s other things like drowning, sleep deprivation, shock collars. If we’re throwing all the hypotheticals out there then things like orgasm denial, overstimulation, and the use of aphrodisiacs aren’t off the table either. If anything, those punishments might just be worse as it would mortify his darling by being forced to enjoy the treatment to a certain extent. None of these puts his darling in pain, but my god it might just make them wish they didn’t have their quirk so less humiliating methods were used.

In this case, the sadistic type of yandere that I can see Bakugou being would work around this situation.

However, if we were looking at a protective type of yandere, say Tamaki, this would be ten times worse. He’d never threaten them with violence, but the reality that they’d tear up their own flesh to get away from him would be extremely disturbing.

It wouldn’t matter if it hurt them or not, seeing his darling deliberately harm themselves would not sit well. He’s already the type of person to treat his darling very gently in the first place. Luxuriously padded cuffs, the softest clothing imaginable, even personally bathing them to make sure they were taking care of themselves while using the most expensive products that he thought would best suit their physique. Now bring highly self-destructive behaviour into the mix and you’d never get any semblance of privacy ever again.

The side effects of them being strapped to a bed all day wouldn’t matter to him. In his mind it would be the only option to keeping his darling safe from themselves. Nothing would stress him out more than having to leave them alone to go out. There’d be cameras everywhere along with security systems to let him know if they ever leave the house.

Frankly, Tamaki would be too afraid to do much about the situation other than immobilize his darling. He wouldn’t want to yell at them because that might scare them, and he also doesn’t exactly have the will to do that in the first place. Instead he’d likely resort to simply begging them to behave.

With all the isolation his darling would be put through, their resolve to stay strong would deteriorate in favour of hoping for any kind of stimulation. Tamaki wouldn’t lay a finger on them, and he wouldn’t allow them any freedoms either. It would be extremely mentally taxing, and in this situation his approach would likely result in his darling’s mind breaking. There’d be absolutely no chance of them escaping, so their reformation would be solely done to get even a sliver of stimulus, even if it’s just to stretch their legs every now and then.

The only other way this scenario could go with the biggest difference in approach in my opinion would be with a delusional yandere, like Kaminari. While he’s also got attributes of a protective, the situation is still generally applicable. It would be a matter of him not being able to comprehend that they’re doing it because they hate him, and are rather just too scared because of the situational whiplash they’re experiencing. It’s mentioned in the ask that here the darling doesn’t have any friends or family, so it may turn into the mindset where he thinks they simply don’t understand what it’s like to be loved unconditionally.

Either way, he wouldn’t be violent when it came to trying to get them to stop. It would be more like amping up the love he’d normally dish out in hopes of gently coaxing them to stop. As far as Kaminari would be concerned his darling simply didn’t know any better. It wasn’t their fault, but he can’t just watch as they destroy themselves doing what they think is right.

It’d be more like taming a wild animal than anything else. He’d hold them until they calmed down and stopped yanking at their restraints, all the while gently cooing at them, saying that they’re safe with him and there’s nothing to be afraid of. For their own sake he’d slip some sedatives into their drink or meals just so they couldn’t hurt themselves in their weakened state. If the issue persisted they’d pretty much be drugged 24/7, especially if he had to leave them alone to take care of something outside of the house. He’d patiently bandage any injury they received for however long it took, knowing they wouldn’t be able to hold out forever. If they didn’t exhaust themselves fighting back then he’d do that for them.

It’d all be for their own good, and eventually they would understand that. It would be kind of hard not to with all the affection he’d show them.

(this was much longer than i intended but i hope this is what u had in mind anon)

#yandere bnha #yandere bakugou katsuki #yandere tamaki amajiki #yandere kaminari denki #yandere denki kaminari #yandere mha #yandere my hero academia #yandere #tw torture #tw drugging

[fairycosmos]

im just wondering do you have any darknesses in you? meaning like parts of you that need to come out and be hateful or angry that scare you? i have such moral insecurities and anxieties i try to be kind but i just feel sometimes some monster in me so i try to let it out in private, but it seems like so many people like u are so certainly unfalteringly good and i cant understand how!!! i wanna be like that!!!! if you dont wanna answer or this is weird i totally understand lol

oh dude..........absolutely. dont make the mistake of thinking i’m like idk.....someone you should want to be like. i know i answer anons asking for advice sometimes, but that’s usually just me suggesting they seek professional support bc i can relate to them. i’m sure the ppl who follow me on here have a very one dimensional image of me as i do in regards to the people i follow, due to the nature of social media. but i can definitely vouch for the fact that i’m a fucked up person and i have a lot to work on, a whole lifetime of shit to work on. while it’s easy to be amicable with people online when they’re giving you that same positive energy, in real life i’m basically too insecure and bitter to be as open and vulnerable as i am on here.  i have internalized so much crap and it comes through in most of my interactions. i’m selfish, i have a million complexes, i’m insecure, i cringe away from everything, i’m emotionally unavailable at the best of times, i’m moody and neglectful. i’m a COMPLETE coward. sometimes i dont think about the shit that i say, i take things for granted. i freeze and avoid avoid avoid to the point of toxicity. i never know where to start or how to conduct myself naturally - to an embarrassing extent for someone who is a whole ass adult. and i’m angry, too. which is a human emotion not a flaw. but people tell me my resting face looks like i want to fkn kill somebody, i dont have a good aura :( there’s a lot of reasons i’m so isolated, i guess. besides all of that though, i also don’t think we as humans can be categorized as ‘entirely good’ or ‘entirely bad’ because most of us carry both inside, always. we’re complex beings made up of shades of grey, rather than of black and white. and the different environments we find ourselves in (usually due to factors outside of our control) tend to bring out different parts of who we are, negative or otherwise. everyone you pass on the street has that same ‘face’ they only wear when they’re alone. we see others in a very shallow way on a day to day basis, so it’s easy to think they’re not holding anything back, but they always are. nobody gets through the world unscathed and having insecurities, especially ones you’ve learned growing up, is completely normal.  the only thing you can do once you recognize that they’re there is try your best to dismantle the toxic mindsets that have been forced upon you, through therapy or self help or even just with time. and it’s alright if that’s a life long process. you’re allowed to be pissed off, you’re allowed to be hurt. it doesn’t make you a monster at all. the whole point is that you are trying to be kind despite it all and that you are working with what you’ve been given. if you were really some evil unimaginable beast, you wouldn’t even be willing to put forth that effort. it’s good that you’re looking inwards and trying every day to be a better person, but sometimes it’s good to take a step back to breathe. don’t over analyze your existence too much love. it all just ends up becoming so convoluted and unclear when you judge yourself for every single trait you’ve ever observed in your behaviour/personality. because growth is constant and you’re experiencing it subconsciously every single day. and then there’s the issue of perception. everyone you meet sees you through their own lens. some will see good, some may see the parts you want to keep hidden. but either way you’re a whole person, and so it’s natural to have sides of you that conflict. you don’t have to be unfalteringly happy and positive all the time. in fact it’s impossible and may be a disservice to your mental well being in the long run. ultimately i think it comes down to this. i PROMISE i wouldn’t be quoting h*rry p*otter in 2020 if i wasn’t moderately sleep deprived but i am so. it’s one of the most famous lines and it applies - “we’ve all got both light and dark inside us. what matters is the part we choose to act on. that’s who we really are.” the son of a bitch was right. and you’re doing far better than you realize, just by prioritizing kindness and trying to extend it every day. you’re a good person because you’re attempting to be, and that’s more than enough :)

#anon #hope this makes sense #fuck jk rowling

[endlesssummer77]

CICO works (with help from Contrave)

I'm never doing a fad diet again. Over the course of the past 5 months, I've slowly, but surely, lost a little over 30 lbs. How? CICO and contrave.

Contrave has changed my life. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but it's true. I can't believe it took me so long to get started on it. I'd had an almost-full bottle (120 pills) that Mom let me have last year when I visited for Christmas. She had gotten them prescribed because she wanted to try them out, but couldn't tolerate the side effects (she said they made her really irritable 😒).

Anyway, I was curious but skeptical. Contrave contains bupropion (antidepressant) and naltrexone (opioid antagonist), and not a single stimulant - or anything else that's been well-studied for weight loss. I'm not one to bother with OTC diet pills (they're pretty much all the same anyway) because they're unregulated and unproven, but I have been on phentermine a few times. Unfortunately, phentermine treatment is limited to 12 weeks at a time, and the awesome appetite suppressant effects diminishes quite a bit after the first few weeks, anyway.

I had a general idea of how contrave could work (background info: I have a formal education in human anatomy & physiology, biochemistry, introductory pharmacology, and human pathophysiology):

1. Naltrexone blocks endogenous opioids from attaching to opiate receptors, an action which mediates a dopamine response (dopamine is fundamental to the brain's reward center and the development of addiction). By blocking these receptors, one could theoretically reduce or eliminate the biochemical process that reinforces addictive behavior. This has already been extensively researched as a treatment for alcoholism.

2. Bupropion is an NE (aka adrenaline) and dopamine reuptake inhibitor. This means that bupropion prevents the "stop" of NE and dopamine activity, which leads to a whole bunch of other effects. Bupropion is chemically related to amphetamines, which explains this effect on certain neurotransmitters, but it also stimulates the release of 2 other molecules, alpha MSH and AGRP, which are involved in a lot of autonomic processes in the body, including regulation of appetite and energy expenditure. Most research that exists has focused on the psychological effects of bupropion as it is normally used to treat depression and to help people quit smoking.

So here's the interesting part:

Those 2 other molecules that are stimulated by bupropion? They each play a vital role in explaining how bupropion could be effective for weight loss:

a) alpha MSH does a lot of things, including appetite reduction and increases in energy expenditure (metabolism). Theoretically then, you could take just bupropion for weight loss right? Well, no. Like nearly every physiological process in our bodies, the cells that release a-MSH have a self-limiting feature to stop the whole process from going on indefinitely. Otherwise, humans could run out of energy needed to live.

b) This limiting feature works because cells release AGRP at the same time as a-MSH. AGRP's only function is to attach back to the cell that released it. When enough AGRP has attached, a signal is sent inside the cell telling it to stop producing both a-MSH and AGRP.

This basically means that no matter how much bupropion you take, its weight loss effects are going to be limited by your body's natural processes.

So back to my point, how does contrave work, exactly? I've already explained how it can help reduce appetite and increases metabolism via release of a-MSH, and how this process is self-limited by the concurrent release of AGRP. Theoretically, if we could find a way to eliminate or block AGRP without affecting a-MSH, then the potential of bupropion for weight control could be significant.

Well, here's the kicker... AGRP IS A TYPE OF BETA ENDORPHIN!

It's an endogenous opioid! This means that the sites AGRP attach to on a cell can be blocked by naltrexone without limiting a-MSH!

FYI, I didn't know any of this stuff until this past weekend, when I basically gave myself a mini neurochemistry lesson using articles available on PubMed. And sorry, I didn't bookmark any of them to use as references here.

Back to the story -

When I began contrave, I wasn't expecting much of anything. The bottle sat in my kitchen for a few months before I gave it a go, and even then it wasn't for weight loss. My psych was planning on possibly adding bupropion to my regimen anyway, so I figured I may as well try it out. Here's how things went:

Side effects are minimal due to the titration (slow increase) in dose that is prescribed to most people. The only thing I noticed was a short period of GI discomfort (nausea mostly) a few hours after taking a pill, but this stopped happening after about a week. It's probably due to the opioid receptors found in intestinal walls (something new I learned from my weekend of "research" lol) which affect intestinal motility. This is why opioids cause constipation, while opioid withdrawal produces nausea and diarrhea.

Price: you can go to the contrave website and get connected to a teledoctor who can write you a Rx (I used this service when I ran out of the bottle my mom had given me; consultation was $45). You can choose to have it sent to a local pharmacy, or use their preferred mail pharmacy, which charges $99 total to ship you a month's worth of medication. I chose this option because retail pharmacy prices are much higher. Total price: $144.00 first month, $99 monthly afterwards.

Insurance: most plans do not cover weight loss medications; mine certainly doesn't. The teledoctors they use also do not accept any insurance.

Regimen: you titrate up every week, starting with 1 pill/day during the first week (90mg bupropion+8mg naltrexone) until you get to 4 pills a day (360mg bupropion + 32mg naltrexone, all extended release).

Weight loss: at first, I had almost no faith that contrave would be effective for weight loss. I started off eating a 1200 cal/day (loosely tracked) and working out 1x a week. I'm still doing that, actually. I should also add that I used to crash diet a lot, often restricting myself to 500 cal a day, so I honestly didn't believe that staying under 1200 cal a day would actually do anything. Because of this irrational belief, I avoided the scale a lot. At some point - when I was up to 2-3 pills/day - I began to notice that I could go long periods of time without wanting or needing food. Even when I was physically hungry, eating felt like more of a chore. A few weeks after that started happening, some coworkers began commenting on my weight loss, which totally surprised me. I finally got the courage to weigh myself, and I was DOWN. 15. POUNDS. This all over the course of about 3 months.

Obviously, I was very encouraged by that, so I decided to continue with it. I'm basically doing the same now as I was then - 1200 cal/day (loosely) plus 1-2 days/week intense workouts (mostly CrossFit). It's now been 5 months and I'm down 32.6 lbs, to be exact.

Contrave has changed my life. It's like my brain has been reset; the damage done by all those years of starving and bingeing has been reversed. I have a normal relationship with food now: I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm satiated. I prepare nearly every meal I eat, which has eliminated almost all unhealthy, overprocessed foods from my diet. I'm trying to up my activity level, but I'm extremely busy with a full time job and another degree that I'm pursuing, leaving me pretty sleep-deprived during the weekdays. But weight loss is mostly diet, anyway.

I am more hopeful now than ever that I can achieve lasting weight loss. And the best part is that there's really no reason I can't be on contrave indefinitely, or for at least a few years. Bupropion is a medication that's already taken on a long term basis without issue. Naltrexone can damage the liver so it is typically not used long term; however, this effect has mostly been observed in people taking much higher doses of naltrexone (300mg+). Contrave contains a much smaller, extended release dose (32mg in 4 pills) that is even less than the dose used to treat alcoholism (50mg).

I'll update again when I remember to, lol. Hopefully I'll be down another 30 lbs 😁

#contrave #CICO #weightloss #success

[lifeseverchanging]

MMX #6 (SPOILERS)

Mr. and Mrs. X Issue #6 - The bottle issue we have all been waiting for! I managed to sleep through past the midnight hour this time around but not without waking up at 5:30 a.m. and realizing I should use the small amount of valuable time before the workday began to read this issue! I had wanted to wait until I bought the floppy from my LCS so I can read it from the pages of the book to try to avoid my usual knee-jerk reaction from my groggy sleep deprived reads during the wee hours of the morning. But, yeah right. Like that happened! What? Like I suddenly grew self control? out of NOWHERE? No sir, not I.

Before we begin I want to explain that I am ridiculously emotionally invested in our heroes story. Since I was a child and long since before I could really comprehend what romantic love actually is I had fallen in love with the idea of the kind of love that exists between Gambit and the untouchable Rogue. After the many years of heartache and heartbreak we are witnessing the best times Romy has ever seen as a couple. Their story is being written by a person who truly loves the pair and what that does is makes the expectations incredibly high from the diehard fans. We are the ones who held out hope and turned to fanfic when Romy was barely a memory in the Marvel universe. The hopefuls who kept the torch lit throughout the darkest and most desolate of times and we are a thirsty bunch who won’t let even a drop go to waste.

So away we go! The book opens up at GAMBIT AND ROGUE’S APARTMENT in Manhattan. Bobby arrives to the party on time and is the first guest to Rogue’s dismay.

We can clearly see trouble is lurking ahead from the loft windows. 

CAT SPOTTING: I spy with my little eye a Fiagaro and an Oliver and Figaro again!

Rogue takes advantage of Bobby’s on time arrival and terrifies him into helping cut the cheese and refrain from making fart jokes. Our hostess is clearly flustered and behind on schedule when the doorbell rings again... (Loving Gambit’s third party dialogue)

CAT SPOTTING: Remy picks up Figaro and bravely holds him again his shirt (if you have cats you know what I mean) RING SPOTTING: Gambit’s ring, ahh!

Remy’s father, Jean Luc, makes his appearance however Tante does not.  Jean Luc drops some foreshadowing of things to come with this comment about Tante demanding a visit from Gambit and Rogue in New Orleans. 

Naturally Rogue is utterly sweet to JL (if you have ever read a fanfic by the name of “Treading Water” you will understand why this embrace between Rogue and JL caused me to shudder) and Remy gets all of the blame about the spontaneous wedding not allowing any of his family to be there. 

CAT SPOTTING: Figaro Jean states he can’t stay but needed to warn Remy of the pending attack.

aaaand in comes the party crasher.

Love this little moment between husband and wife... “Wild Horses couldn't stop me” - Rogue

@cajuncajole spotted that something was missing. See: RING SPOTTING below

RING SPOTTING: 

And the uninvited guests quickly goes back out.

Rooftop fighting ensues where the unknown t’ieves point out that their King doesn’t even recognize his soldiers. This is certainly going to lead us into the Guild issues Kelly has planned after the Mojoverse arc.

Rogue is a complete bad ass who joins the fight up on the roof with no regard to not having her powers but she quickly finds herself in a bind of which Remy helps get her out of.  RING SPOTTING: Rogue!

It’s important to note that this scene draws out how well they know one another and why Gambit and Rogue have always made a great team and just how much trust they have in each other. 

Love that the card he throws is none other than the QUEEN OF HEARTS (The card he gives to Rogue)

RING SPOTTING: Rogue!

Quite the flashback to X-Treme X-Men days!

Though it doesn’t stop Rogue from becoming infuriated and ready to nip this fight in the bud because they have guests arriving and a party to host!

Rogue is going to have to pull out the big guns and take a much needed break from that collar. 

This is now probably my new favorite phrase: HOO BOY! Remy leaps off of the building in his bad-assery ragin’ cajun kind of way.

The comical moment where Laura and Bobby are a witness to his jump while Rogue knocks all of the thieves out with her new powerset. I can already hear the Gambit-only fans being peeved over this but simmer down, they need to get back to their party and this is the quickest way!

Then we have the amazing loft view/party scene.

CAT SPOTTING: Lucifer at the top of the loft, Oliver and Figaro down below watching the party goers. 

One of my favorite moments of the party scene was certainly when Bishop retells the pie story and Rogue corrects him on the type of pie it was (she baked Boysenberry!). I also loved when Remy threatens to push Kitty out the window while standing directly behind her as Lorna, Jean and Angel were discussing how impressive Remy’s amazing rooftop jump was.

Sidenote: TIL Bobby is cheap.  I truly wish we had focused more on the party in this issue but alas we move along to the party winding down (Remy threatening Bobby not to freeze anything - I wonder what exactly?) when suddenly Belle pops in as an invited guest. I can’t say unexpected because because we all saw the preview and knew it was coming but Remy certainly did not see it coming. She’s there to warn him that the Guilds are after his crown after he married the “Princess o' all tings good an’ honorable”. Remy defends his new bride against his ex wife however Belle won’t be deterred and has the balls to let him know exactly how she feels. I noticed Remy didn’t close the door in spite of her presence. 

I wasn’t a fan of the scene where Remy looks like a little kid who just got scolded but this last shot was lovely... and it transcends into the next scene where we find an upside down Rogue in the fetal position taking a much needed break from that collar. 

Speaking of unexpected... Magneto pays Rogue a visit. Though it makes no sense why Rogue summoned him at all it is incredibly unclear as to when she contacted him. 

This panel got a lot of people talking... some were mad (raises hand), some didn’t mind or care at all (mainly due to the fact that there was no real sense that these two have romantic feelings for one another) and others are claiming this is proving Rogue still loves Mags and trusts him more than Remy. (Bullsh*t)

Listen, aside from the obvious parallel Kelly was going for with the “Exes” the main problem with this scene is that she makes it seem as if Rogue doesn’t trust Remy. It makes her look as if she will confide in a person like Magneto over her husband, her best friend and partner in life. After mulling over this GD scene for about 48 hours I finally did some real soul searching to make sense of this panel. Kelly knows that continuity should not be ignored so I think she felt compelled to make an attempt to shut that R and Fapneto ship door as best as she could. 

Did this moment belong in this particular issue? I think not... I feel as if this panel was removed and more party panels were shown people would have loved the hell out of this issue. I think Kelly really didn’t want to leave the ex situation one-sided and she felt as if she needed to prove that the only thing left between the two of them is friendship. 

Like it or not, Rogue is the kind of person who wants to stay friends with people that matter/mattered to her. DO most of us feel the need to stay friends with our exes? NOPE. Do some? SURE. The point is that we as humans are complex creatures who do stupid things from time to time. People are pissed because Rogue is naive enough to call on her ex around a time she ought to be embracing her new marriage/husband instead of confiding in her old friend (and boy do I mean “old”). Rogue is the kind of idiot who would feel the need to apologize to the man she shot down that she didn’t tell him about her wedding in person but there is also probably some need for her to confirm that he has drifted back to the darkside because as a friend she would care about that too.

The upside? There was no hint of romantic love between the two of them. Magneto for once isn’t bad mouthing Gambit and is in fact saying good things about him. Rogue SAYS IT ON PANEL that she does not want to scare off Gambit with her warped powers. She even gushes to Mags about Remy’s approach of their relationship... smells like nothing but friendship to me. There was no hint of jealous ex talk in anyway but some folks will never be convinced. Anyway, with Mags out of the way I can only hope he won’t make any further appearances in this book because he’s the reason I quit reading comics in the first place and I don’t want him anywhere near our newlyweds. Ever again.

Rogue’s comment above about not being sure how many more surprises she can take is what makes the moment when Mags shows up seem like she hadn’t called on him right then and there. (~B’s 2 cents) Then of course she runs (literally) into Beast who provides her with another surprise. A pleasant one. (lol, love Gambit’s playing cards in the closet... I sure hope he buys in bulk from Amazon).  RING SPOTTING: Rogue (yeah I just  love seeing the rings)

Beast comes through for Rogue and makes her a new and improved power inhibitor tennis bracelet. You know she was totally kidding about the design but good ol’ Beast doesn’t know any better. Whatever, it works and is a much needed upgrade from that collar that made Rogue look like a poor puppy. The concerned expression on Beast’s face as he embraces her does make me worry a bit. Or maybe it’s just sympathy that Rogue has to be confined to a power inhibitor at all.

The look on their faces. Yeah, hosting is a shit ton of work especially when exes show up. How exhausting! 

I loved the moment between Remy and Rogue here that they both acknowledge that they need to talk (Hoo Boy, don’t they!?) but that it can wait... you know, for science reasons. 

Unfortunately they spot a gift they had missed...  (speaking of spotting - CAT SPOTTING: Lucifer!)

... and they’re immediately warped into Mojoverse. I thought it was funny that Kelly took a stab at herself with the last page. Ahhhh, those uniforms...  In my perfect version of this book we would not have addressed the Magneto thing so soon (but I am glad it’s out of the way) so we could have had a little more party and an indication that the newlyweds get a moment to test out that new bracelet *wink* before jumping right into the next crazy arc with Mojo.  All in all the bottle issue of MMX was a fun one that had a lot of fun callbacks to the past (some not so fun) and the change of art was a breath of fresh air! (even if Rogue wasn’t the most flattering - at least Belle looked gorgeous). THINGS I LOVED:  Cats and Rings! Gambit and Rogue’s fancy loft Seeing the X-Men party  Silly humor Rogue got her new power inhibitor bracelet THINGS I DIDN’T LOVE: Magneto

I think Kelly has a game plan that is not entirely visible at the moment but I’m ready to dive into whatever it is she has in store for all of us next. 

MMX #7 is out the first week of January!

#Kelly Thompson #David Lopez #mr and mrs x #mrandmrsx #gambit and rogue #rogue and gambit #Marvel Comics #romy

[mumblingsage]

roane72 replied to your post “[[MOR]roane72 replied to your post “[[MO That said, my hackles...”

I totally get all of this. (Especially the sleep deprived part, oy.) I tend to be careful too, because there are so many popular tropes that have me going "uh, no". Honestly, having written a trad published book about a bitchy heroine and an 'unmasculine' hero, I think why you don't see it more is exactly that. It doesn't sell to the mainstream. Which is... yeah. I dunno how to fix that problem.

I try to see cause for hope in things like...oh, Hozier’s popularity...a number of interesting femdom moments that have popped up in Netflix shows and other prestige TV (Westworld and True Detective even have male bondage scenes--the TD one very male gazy, but still a breath of air for me!). But those aren’t necessarily in the romance genre themselves. And then there’s this chicken and egg problem when you hear about publishers turning down femdom manuscripts because they don’t sell, so people don’t have femdom books to buy--like, of course there isn’t a readership when there are hardly any books! So self-publishing and indie press might help there. And it’d certainly help if people would stop knocking the concept for its very existence. Meanwhile, there are writers and reviewers who uplift this kind of thing and every one of them I am personally grateful for. 

I realize I’m using “femdom” as shorthand for a thing that’s not necessarily about kink but does often involve power dynamics and gender roles. Anyway.

I don’t know. I’ve had a lot of starry-eyed plans to revitalize the genre, and I still have them -- there’s no way I will, or even can, stop reading or writing femdom stories -- but they’re just buried under a lot of tiredness right now. 

(Shit, I have a novel WIP that currently exists as a way to pour out my feelings on this; why am I not writing it? LOL. I’ll get back to it someday soon.) 

@mswyrr and yeah, definitely, I agree we need to stand together against the anti contingent. Not that I’m not tempted to, well, judge some stuff -- and I do think some matters should be handled with taste and thoughtfulness, or at least fair warning given to the reader -- but it’s easy to find my hill to die on when I think, all this judgement is mostly aimed at (often) women who want these things done to them; how much more judgement is just waiting to be aimed at me, a woman who wants to *do* these things? 

#roane72 #mswyrr

[castlehead]

: LITTLE MILE,

PART ONE : : [live for the weekend and buy grams of blow with your paycheck.

see section A. feel good about going for walks. work thru a long distance relationship and get through the suicidal shit okay. then

break promises but also keep a few, not to keep up appearances but you wish rather to keep the purity of your word, which is hard fucking work. wait till she comes for a visit after super long time

apart and spread some roses on the bed because she likes that sort of thing. leave oreos on the pillow as oreos are delicious. ride her later in the night about that time you smoked six cigarettes in five

minutes as she was blowing xanax to prove a point. go to sleep crying but remember a few special moments as well and base your memories around that. see GOD for awhile but then decide it was

bullshit and perhaps just your conscience given a literal voice. see section A. hear nobody text you for days and understand some weird nonsensical ehrebung at really enjoying a smoke for the first

time in the morning as you look out the window. it is brisk and sunny and the bricks of the buildings look beautiful. think what a day what a day etc. then actually try to accomplish something with friends in

PARK SLOPE. understand finally that the general agreement is you whack as shit. then find a letter from your girlfriend from awhile ago and feel uplifted all over again for some reason but as for positivity

you do not discriminate. drink horn of sun to fierce last dregs. think about whether you are actually thin or just think you get thinner when you are really just used to how fat you are. talk to your girlfriend at

a certain point mentioned in section A. while on break for way too long.

sweat out a cluttered subway ride every morning forever. decide to jump off the BROOKLYN BRIDGE then decide not to. look meaningfully at a

church because you are reading twilight of the idols. repeat a lot of different stuff at irregular intervals. repeat stuff at regular intervals. learn that those statements are an acceptable example of an irregular repetition: or is

irregular as regards time only, not difference: an irregular life has less to do with fiber than we think. an irregular life can be as varied as disposition to pate : : as feeling to brokenness, as alteration altered to fear of change

might comfort one back into the nest of ignorance : it doesn't have to mean as regards, well, anything : it itself can be fiber, a fibrous fiber: so: we scrounge for something burred underneath the soft netting: crack up: put way too much

weight in your presence at social events : leave social events early or go to sleep in front of everybody pretending to be passed out : see social events as a total stressor : don't kno what to do : never know what to do ever: social

events. assume yourself a negative, discomfited person thereby. lose all friends because you dig deep into stupidity to find a reason for it, think about it until you go blind, rectify and rectify till all's a mess: is that what you want: yes:

friends are lost based upon too many simpering blasted apologies. really wish that you will leave a good looking corpse and do leave a good looking corpse. wonder why you don’t think about childhood very often, as in the concept.

see section A. come to the conclusion that fuck yes it is too late to have a happy one but really come to understand that that doesn’t matter as all things are for a time anyway but then get pissed off about this because you then realize as well

that you are mere mortal and still fields of open grass and oak away from describing something beautiful or whatever but then also wonder that you are infinite wherein the moment is concerned: and then think about your ex

for some crazy reason because all that matters is the past as regards what you’d want to retain in some eternal rolodex of spite or some shit, or maybe it’s just you but you can’t reimburse your mom because of all the infinite

you’re feeling and tell her you can’t and she says that is okay but doesn’t mention that it is ok because the advent of your twenties was mainly depressing, and you there, in room, gnawing at psyche like some useless ape as usual say, WELL

OUT WITH IT, and there she goes finagling a fart out of her ass your mom we are speaking of your mom and her aggravation and her remnant pain from a lost job years ago because oh certainly to fail once is to fail forever

and then you as you are young realize the moment is forever and you can make it a failure and you can make it a wonderful revealing of some big thickened BLEAR asking for property, asking for sense to be given it but you

can’t you can’t justify the dread nay [beckett] nor the odd ghosts in your bathroom that time you spoke to yourself for days and and and so then so then the weekend promises at least an end to this damned ineradicable

gloom and empty state as in empty and taxing but no state of emptiness no state of gloom yet here is gloom here is the reflections of a man refusing too long to look in the damn mirror and see himself is it you or is it i or is it all

the damn farts from the woman who birthed you wanting to be the final whiffing sound as to all of your gutsy failures and drudges through fields of stone and grass and oak you paint out of a backpack and some green

carpet in your room that one time you tripped balls on a tuesday on mushrooms and the razor talked to you and proved by its unassuming nature a very grill to the face that damned long face of a son too burnt

into his own damned house and wired by the damned eternity that sounds like some resilient, grand tocsin, some priketh ye some don’t but ya know it’s all just plain forgotten and happy at that, I’d live in codes wordless

more than explain this meaninglessness and/or stain on the life of time, that is humanity: that is growth: that is the paradigm of something written, written, scratched along the judgments of your mom’s farting fucking

asshole, your grown ass self, so proud to put on pants, so good at that one joke made riskily at a party and relished ever afterwards, so good at failure, happy failure, happy, happy to enter that small crack in the sadness too, happy

to bloom out of dismissal, shunning, happy to mature past the point of needing a single reason for a fart, an end, or a waste of mind. turn 30.

repeat. [etc] see section A.] ?? . . . .

RAGE on rage on, collapse into morning day like something of a storm, at least Frightful mist, some thunder bloom / glass incipient of the troubling harrowing: Some awful precondition. Out its frightful bells: wetly dew paints grass lucent-

-And I rise away from all that in my small cave in my state an eye half open, My knuckles are red from cracking them on my own jaw very a lot that night And some banging head i.e. sleep deprivation considered itself and made it

Worse. I thwarted myself continually mind whanging useless and thickly, like Sometimes i feel like that hamster I had when I was in middle school, wasn't, That i never named - - - uh, worth, it, wasn't worth it . S'ok it's ok for things

To no be worth it. Don't cry well then here's a fucking cookie Tard. I literally Just spat up phlegm right on my computer / no joke / I am freakish, & loud Also re hamster-mortality: I kno it is tragic, my girlfriend lost HAMSTERR

Named peanut. An entire quadrant of space specking thru eyes of that thing All day . Dont think ive evr done this much speed in one night (lol) i dont think i should be able to backtalk : this quick speed = religious,

[chalk dust molars fanatical facial people crunch 'em with 'em to dust. be sure to drudge up spume in the foggy brume some master floater or for sake of interracial justice an inanimate image of justice untarnished by opinion

or blaspheme. vulgar just for sake of cashing in on the weird honey : dip in there : of big politics etc anticipatory raging, prolepsis, summoner say : ARiSE ! ! !! : my girlfriend: she is sleeping right next to the and oh like a lamb she is, right

next to the voodoo-man, shepherd, making us all fly thru the honey right into some strict objective eye, truly naked vision, making commune with image and self. - - ] She goes on dozing into me and snoring soft like a, like subtle universal truth, or

Somethin. My snot is stuck in the bakc of my skull, i feel, i feel like waking up my Girlfriend with my hands all over like tidal waves : : i know hamstermortality, to let The reader kno : it is the wave of arcanum 17 : it is, it is waft of hope, like random

Prescience. Iit is the great like space etc of all, or some completely lazy encompassing. Kewl things only exist cuz hm i guess they exist for — — time, like hamsterts, Hamsters = meaning of universe, it’s like classical semantics or fuzzy logic:

Supervaluationists predicting borderline cases!!! How many hairs must i lose before You can call me bald : for the hairs will exist alway / they will, they will scream out : They will be a thing that is they are the very fuxxx god calls logic

Slash these words apart, greet blame and slash that, grab the bags: Run from the rage then, drum up some possibility for fuel, beat legs For leagues. ‘Message’ after ye with a bat, won’t get a thing so. But

Kicked up dust he’ll cough on, sweat drooling, finally fatigued: marigolds Fooling in the wind around him, agh, long day: we run into the ‘Pome’ Later: find it sucking on a sugar lump in some coffeeshop, well, money:

Who knew, who but the pivot finally: as drain groans a fable like a job to Do. Shit twists with flood and the seagulls berating lend belief at it all with Solid statement, caw, caw, wishing, duh, To Be Done With Message

Of course, especially one that some brine of heart sloshed up: some Reticular wisdom like as hair, hateful : some weird gloss over shadow Dims the bald head, the bald ‘Message’ - the crested ol’ bigot furious

Yawp yapping damnable in that there roast for the father: big squeeze, Squeeze of animus. Finally, down the block of stillness, down dug into The brig, obstructed color, rigid air, manic doors, kids laughing at him:

Little Mile : : feel it all over again : what answers can we get to as regards You fully: an elliptical, maybe? Or trash, or earthy disarrangement, dirt, Particles resulting in flipflop, wages made but unfulfilled for good? Or

Maybe marigolds !! Breezes coming out of their loops into wiggling weight Themselves, hulking as cathedral tunes, heavy with ambiguous threadiness, And that holy torment of an ever-figuring progenitor, professor of the

'Message'—black & bleak—against the righteous curiosity, ol' puff-head, ol' Apoplectic, Sorry For The State Of - - and dese homeless parties of the Sad. The sad chase, the chase as I must do is still solo. But grand, the

Hemophilic fire, the rusty brigade o’ pleaches o’ daffy hair, dummy cunt To stake on cosmic sex, just a blowoff: still. Then. Little dragoons whiffed It up anyways and blessed the fakery past mythos into real, made a great,

Big sepulcher for all 'em fathers: all the risks at tacky jive: lagoon: great, Great swoon of fibrous living out the ducky’s little murmuring in the mud, Tump-a-tump with buckles o’ swash : #dgaf : yet is we da pirate , as in ,

We is , we ah make anything magnificent and say it is that and leave it So. We. Croon and wait for that swell damned music’s dish to punch big and soft into the pillow : we: meet poetry POETRY POETRY POUR IT ALL

And soft into th. pillow. We. Down a side-street : have a baffled-eye ‘a sec: Din in the den gets closed the sisters ears : think some nature-shit: stfu: Bucolic site there wispy girl : pencil neck : root , , , for Image-Pleasant:

For you that is : root for the Panjundrum not, in his anger-yells all daffy, Deadening reasons for the noise, amplified like a big [bracket] to the side Of something, past declaration, past the final honesty and towards some

New squeamish chuck of ew-grease out of my bad throat : 'Message' Attempts to toughen with - providence, it feels, it knows - of mere scraps Of itself, and then I emit new strings for my shoes, frayed knot, couple

Stoners ranting in a parking lot when one sees a human innim and flees, From eye of him : one states the [bracket] as annotation even though it Supplies nothing : mere notation is as much enclitic for an infidel sense

As rhyming to behead borders of rhythm with timing , adding meaning Like chaff at the end while a sprocket ebbs out then 'splodes at once, a Gathering of mite and fingernail and bedding shod in the cracks under

The bland couch then sets aflame, burning down the garbage, which is Everywhere : police police : fuck da : : whelp : lost musings only whelm As much as one is willing to go rapidly , that is, will be as quality as the

Quicken, enacting some different statement thru defensive natures of style Like Declension : Logoaedic : parse the thought, then let it run before the Jello melts, food gets cold: picnic raped by ants. Premise of the rule. So the:

Uh: bracketed, shuffling fragged things dole more out for the warmness, As in, have something mean what it means, leave it at notation , make the Final well and, "End like a spear, not like a broom" - - Well, who knows

About honor: maybe just to prove myself I will right something really for Awhile too messed for the husbandman to mould with his ass: drop the Incisive manacles, they get my wrist bit with copper: write to right a thing

You never mention: madden out copper tongues: make demands about Stuff you have no idea you are actually talking about: but that's not going To mention itself either and is perhaps what is missing for the right reasons:

So why yell out proper tongues if that is all tongues want is their own voice To hock a spray of legit logey sniffed up the nasal psg. and out into the World. Well. Garbage burns itself to slew. But you like that. You enjoy

The mesmerized epiphanic trumpeting, priketh, prike prike : nasty uncle, He was , and a bald head a sunshine away from DEATH-LAZER. Stun, But be stupid as brick. As was said, I speak to reflect mirrors in darkness.

Should be obvious. Maybe this inkling of finding a new way to speak'll Dart straight for the first reason to pant and wave commodities at the sullen Sucker-tourist upon losing his next day's provender at the hands of silly kids.

DeMand: Wring rungs out proper tongues, lick pompous, drone on in thatt Stat o’ thing: status of thing: state of things: rut t tt t t t tt t tt t t tttt tt t t t t tttt Guts me : feeling in’t I feel nothing but in hole: & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Still the great compilers edge more into the fantastic, learn to eat it along with The tragic as one happy meal. Eventual blossom, hoping Mary and Ed ride fine Off into the sunset, cans tied to the bumper clicking like cliché: Jesus is sick :

He tells me so much is at risk here : then again, who could harbor such a feel But Big J or Yeezy : : well he’s a prick : that’s why you shouldn't music so much: I don’t listen to music nomores: even you’re tarnished bc of all this harlot noise

Attempting heaven, & whatnot : WHAT? WHO THN ?? WHAT THEN ?? So Fortunately, I’m Done. Getting into ye head. I’m already there. Felt random & Also, tortuous pressure spread keen thru label after label, waiting for sustenance,

It was given, as if words could ugh the body with ugh : feed me with 'don't' is What the character 'Message' means. This sentence means it is myself declaring A sentence. That is what it means, and the Myself in it shines out of that part of

It like some beautiful renegade oxygen, a distillation more perverse, a naked way, A death of all that damnable stuff we got our heads warped around in like some Exquisite Fucking Turban [tho false] tho, maybe drunk off picked points smacking

Of defeat, well : : : such's to give up meaning at all - - MESSAGE _a t_ _a l l_ [?] As if words could damage the body : does language uh have one string it can plukk To stop the heart?[.] Or does it all. Well. Uh, lose weight: is it a fascinating receptacle,

Or mere extensiveeverything: ” Do You Believe In God.” – – – – – – I wouldn't be Able to give you anything for jesus, much less Jews. HAve little idea what I believe. Belief is odd. I think I believe in, just, being chased, you know, for thievery. It's a

Saturated L.A. sun like in this song by [The National] it is called "Pink Rabbits." it Is really damn good I remember feeling like the string to my heart almost cut that one Time. But I couldn't tell you anything a medium in some spooky curtained shop

Wouldn't be able to perform with a bit more erggh 'flair' well damn I despise flair write To construct a core or write to DeMand to write or write to right something wrong w. Your sister's [hairdo] or write about strings. Write about all the strings. What all of

Them would do if connected THE WORLD IS POME across the globe. Don't think There'd be much room else for people. Well no worries then, you’ll steal hunches till you Can’t even breathe a thinnest wisp of sister-air. Enjoy never figuring out anything. I

Like to tip-toe but that's no way to run , I gotta say the world is fucked w/o a point , , , The drain is really sick [!] w. all this flood it might as well be the guts of garbage And the rightness of wrong , of the failed and of lineage thru language do we bring

Our own booze do we sing some amped version of the obvious soullessness everybody Gets to grate all over everybody else like some annoying sadness too small for this World, too inscrutable to be anything bt what it is, what it is not anything, as POME

Is words, not ideas, get subjugated by need to buddy up with certainty by corroborating This or that line with another, breaking another, letting pennies go slipshod thru da Grate, while all the while mighty confusion rends a new surprise in plain polished sight,

But o the bees in my gut wig out more folly but as plain to live and hope by their ruin To bring the ties untangled, yes, state the statement-as-goal, martyr a few mirrors thru Indelible mistake, ending Kierkegaard at Democritus' river etc. NO WE NEVER

STEP THRU THE SAME RIVER TWICE NO NOR PERHAPS ONCE, anyways, The bees escape nathless from a pirson-prison. In spite of all this floppy flotsam, Like some weird torture. The stingings bless, the robust yellow flow mitred across

De backs uf'm. And I still considerable, a regular pill for the unagog men still seeing Me unsightly, some lack, some twit, some spook : er something as like, as what god Makes of his leftovers in the afternoon between jobs: but me young boss: HOSS:

What?, zooks, gain, what gain 'questionmark' nothing an adorable steeple could not Bring together as all us wonderful people together rise them, these middle fingers- -Pointing up UP UP, run with lacking, then, fuck, huh?, shut up, suited only to

Sslipped phrase, the bank account gets canceled & yr out on the streets with only Luck and Fucks to feed you. Wiring runoff, shattered, wrecked, fetid, but all of it So Human that nobody seems to mind: neither of those three words can understand

My theosophy, nor gainsay, I'm too cryptic: : fault fault, fault fault, thwartedness- -But still continuance, shorn but not straight dead. Lucky but suffering. What a bore, To get brought in by force, to the party, snatch a few lichen, press against petri dish

To make dialogue unheard of or no at the party what this is about, this sleight of hand, This emotional screening we seize up and clench our asshole to forget about, rot in it I Say, row those sewage tentacles, mandibles, new legs from the mess, new smack to

The veins, new shot, lessening as day and eyesight, NARCAMNARCAM. Ruin stake [valuesystem] bless me achoo gradient risen sceptic collide me w truth,

Ruin stake dress me up in my garters and delirious falbalas at table, valuesystem,

Run to the ruin: make stand up puppetry the rotary: vast tracts of time enable the- -Child to believe he is infinite. Child god goes wishing-wishing at peak, wishing To see: you flee from definition like that stoner guy from earlier all the time, you

You let the questions mysteries bleed out thru yr fanciful cufflinks: drat: quaint: Wanna bleed staid blood. Want to create the hurt that must hurt, that must come: Just to have some control, as elusive blood, got to pour lopsided from a precious

Wound : : we gaze into ourselves and do not speak, wondering what batty thing Happened back there: we go wishing to dash away performance with a little more Laze: 5-year-old Genius. But yea. But, with you I shuffle into someone free. You

You see the curtain and you know the pianist is behind it nodding off into overdose: You are knowing what curtains mean and that curtains rarely help to cover meanings: You realize there is nothing to peek at nothing to see so you shrug and go home to

Your death, ever-approaching some more-appropriate redness , , , but the redness in The West , tho. What's with that haze that looks like the hoarsest GLARE of all: It is the shot in the arm taken too breezy, brought you to the finale, the glimpse then

Recession into embedding blank blankets of so-and-so upon your life, weighty big Deaths greeting you with comfort, delicious sating of the lorn, and raggedy willful Bravery so long perceived like an animal, that is, now seen so much to salute. So I

Have access now into your maze : it is dangerous here : bees go grinding against the Gut. Entrails that trail haphazard underneath everything forever : the flighty frolic Of your hair, sister : good on you for nvr doing hoarse/horse. Your hair that speaks

In looks looks like the bigger maze, the bigger harder hug to give one day when just , When things get better: just so one don't get bitter, what from examining all sides of The same pipe dream. DeMand, and makes thus bigger dissonance w. me. Say me,

Of your aspect, at base, nothing less, your talent is my name and sister-curse, my uh My name is one to have in spades, you gotta have it so it radically disappears under A veil mentioned elsewhere in full wherein the chase is always and never the point

As your legs, extremities exist by the disappearance of a prior location, or some Name, some name called death we get into other ideas 'bout. But it is a lost name. Bu I cannot bless more than I bleed. Whatever that means. Perhaps I tell

This to others, they do not offer but stares and blinking : oh alienation : what an Easily dismissible thing : REAL PROBLEMS hah : in that case, those girls Kidnapped in Nigeria're having real problems : suffering is subjective & hell

We, as In I, Race Towards It as anything the wiser, wise as answer, jus cast answer, Jus cast ANSWER:- whatever happen to be, jus quake out a few inappropriate Inabilities in front of anyway, including meshing: hear aspersions there, here

And there: I say, if one feels pathos then uh                              you know the whitest lash fuck express it, fuck!, don’t you                        painful on your brow                                                                              loose the snow came, bother with a perfect shape as the                   clad in crammed houses families shape you have is naturally a very          frown at homies, themselves children, improvisation, imperfect as a sky                made random and the same                                                                                 as all storm, asleep flakes or something, like, one sky, just                        made like me to feel like an actor one. i guess, uh. that is what i                                       make like to me guess. that nothing happens if we                                     within the thin walls,                                                                   while bruised dads glimpse the hood are indifferent or something. give           in rochester,   barely guap to eat, to obsession, passion etc. then uh                       my father runs into a grand jizz what follows’s a thing the greater                                  on the way back                                                                        captures it and puts it in a safe . for therapy. write on for therapy?                               his father was a vato, well fuck yes. do it and do it and                           gift-wrapping raining down do it. i like channeling whitman , ,           on christmas, wanting to capture fame                                                                                       and getting the pink slip . cuz it’a means wealth, like, iduno                    it was majestic, slowly he i guess like, [vulgate,vulgate] it    drowned in throat cancer, later. my dads hates is freewheeling all over the place                christmas, but at least he caught                                                                                     a good fuck in childhood and without regards -blank- see yu kno, i cant write on tumblr atm bc something is wrong with my uhhhhhh

keyboard. it doesn’t allow me to , ,          delete the space between one anddd             another line. so i am writing this

                                   to you. it’s probably not really i guess to interesting just see that infinitesimal cube understood so , ,

uh, distantly, as me here, in this room, hanging out with whitman! as in i see ‘im, right here. he is in

the corner smiling to himself bout some private meditation, mostttttt likely. have you figured out this

is a msg in enjambments yet?, you are really cool and ring out , , , , , , despite, right?, whether or not or

            maybe regardless. PART II : : : : ERHEM: fast sadness folds in a toilet like down it you know like those soothing squares, gulls take to the particles after response to command goes lagging, and the aqueduct explodes filter to filter after longing for more than garbage could recall, prideful trash–

garbage i done made myself blind blabhah i done made a bad hither, done dash right into the fount of degrading. i feel very such things as i feel and call them detritus still. i am monstrous i am - big eye, i can fuck myself without any charity-help from anybody.

i am to call myself things like topaz once the giddy girth sloshes within a pictureframe's modest dimensions, and the sharks while snapping snapped alive by the implied sort of movement given only to starkly imperishable images that lighten you up at the art

show. well its time t-to start from the start and start a movement founded on a ginger ignorance of other movements. is i-t: is time to start from the beginning of focus way past bemused glance, ripe glare, teeth beside themselves w cavities of roe and garlic:

it’s time to inaccurately anticipate something, like we knew it was coming and wanted our surprise to look nice. anticipate the perfect slur, find a wide audience for that: it is, uh, time to enact maelstrom considerably, like, lofted above the saddest cloud's

drenching of itself: clouds they are clowns : be sure to recognize the hidden voice, what rattles us is not the mystery of how and logical wherefore but in transmuting some odd warfare of a distant crud's finding, that is - - - it is not what links but what is explained,

which for me is the distance crud, or clod, i call planet : am i a part of it or do i depart from its frequent accusings, importances, rudeness, and flat commodity, material, or just shattered booms hailing the demise of precept got so infrequent that one, less

righteous, is more thru the confessional of the lessness, a lesson : us, , rule, , : the sea like an antelope’s stride is, that is, like the picture purely between man, shark, and sea, of slopping sides over the frames of the picture: something by movement not volume,

by not expanse but a few flits of eye - big eye, - regardless of bigness it is, is and will be there for when the ranting stays, crucial delectable bizarre 'mischance of machinery' while the self goes further out, taken by the turning tides, and then yet this is a bit more

than mangling the heart by placing it on sleeve; this will always be here, distant, or like, remote!, yeh, better word!, you will disassociate whatever

from whatever, [edittttttttttt ttt ] from your blinding clarity [edit] : : you will take an eye out for the bossman cannot : since

wills black as char make the crud, clod, dusty clod, a piece of crud: "shouldn't be so hard to have a nice day." Mutter and grimace. wake up to totally remove yourself in the only way possible, that is, from the world of dreamstate: and piss dole me a new

self of yuck and maelstrom. PART III : : drying the die out of to play craps . or somethings like pinochle of life itself, shouted madman. made anterior who wants the soul who wants it made outside of use I see. something— / something digs for a very hinting it goes like something as must to stop,

as much to save the world as self by saving declamatoriations [!!!!!] declarations yeas, declaiming . / well go ahead and rue the ensuing bratty corps of lifer’s whom stake much on image / nada -rtiet- [edit] editwrite made something is^^^ within that words

them words something letters inverted salamander-language seen spanking new by breaking every rule, ruling over breaks like you had more time. / discovering the body, etc. and it all makes you want to imprint on the wise world some attmept, to do more

by removal of sense if sense is not snuffed out already by now in this senseless world, just going on and on!!!! to the creakiest hints shuffling under floorboards like captives from the bad!! quite the soul search. make more inklings, don't harry yourself, I say,

to discover a bunch of cool shit, also, uh, master it. master thinking in language. maybe i always never did nitpick and nitpick only yeup that is me I knit together the nits the nits are scratchiness, a scratchiness. then I think about how nice honesty is as re the slow

deliverance or rather sparing of us all by the most high / as by and by,, we grope for some bigger socket to launch a sensitivity of me I we errybody into, and me and ha and ha. ALERT. cannot diverge ALERT ALERT ALERT!!! Whoop show./Whopp whoop

whoop, can’t but take it down I wsiwiwsh i wish i was blind, i wish the rails weren’t so sharky : : so bloome [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] 5$%uh September 13, 2014. Leave a comment Edit POME34 there is language to report, a monster essence. hammer away

and believe till the growth gets funnier and then throw it away handsomely / feel it run like sand thurr rthru your thru thru you[edit]hrought your fineger.s ample tome, im ean time, to write, requite certain disposable nothings like a big random power/ mind goes

and glowers at itself again. ah you kno. broken triangle. anything broken becomes an angle or many. a ziggidy line or somesuch. / so break a whole, rift it to life as some ziggidy line. some sorta line that breathes with uncaring for anything like information

but retaineing formless form as if your occupation was with something else/ let relax the

strands in you ankel, let the angel fall my dear / dont deny it / yur a good person, dammit. all the se facile blunders. all this. these stupid years of making. in the making,

or just making, about too. etc. greqat. great magnificent quiet [edit] is that which i search for and make and build into the most complex geometric shape for good / only to rift it and - - make what people would holy-fy even more bettr than the more better it was /

bby oh how you go on concealing pleanty of plaintiveness. am i nice ?? so what if you are. youre a stara special star . . . yr starved, strande line you ssay you are a bulk of issues you say you dance like a man made

of things .. light as wing . dwindle. wind. light as wind. so much so much to destroy sitll. my eyes need more blurs t[edit] to in order make everything wrong rightwise. foreget aspbergers. or any label / speak pretty

mane’s ruffling sinousity in wind. / a bloke with flow / gnarly [edit] speak charlie stude the sirfur, charlie stud is he who rides the wave, rides wthe wave in /by just meeting

wit ha hello and a hahaha at ripe ombustive ripe combustiveness at / a large offense

#writing #poetry

[welovekpopscenarios]

Quietus (Ghost!Hoshi x Reader)

Admin: Mimi

When Hoshi died, he thought that was the end of everything as he knew it, and that he would be doomed to a life of isolation for the rest of his miserable existence. That was until the day you walked into his abandoned house and made him feel a little less lonely.

Fandom: Seventeen

Genre: Angst, fluff

Pairing: Hoshi x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of death/blood/violence, Ouija boards, alcohol

Word Count: 4413

A/N: Hoshi is (one of) my bias and I never wrote for him before. I got inspired after the Lilili Yabbay video bc he looked like a ghost in that video, and since the spoopy festivities of Halloween are upon us, I was in the mood to write for the occasion! I put up the warnings for those who aren’t comfortable with it (obviously lol) but honestly, it isn’t that graphic or scary. It might seem a bit grizzly at the beginning, but that’s the worst of it, I promise you. That being said, I hope everyone likes this and that you have a good October/Halloween!

Soonyoung doesn’t remember the day he died. At least, not perfectly.

He remembers the unease he felt, the hairs on the nape of his neck standing up much like a cat’s when it arches its back in fright, preparing for attack, ready to strike. He remembers a large black mass entering his vision, a shadow of doom coming to swallow him whole and make him disappear from the world forever, cursed to the darkness for no reason at all other than being at home when he shouldn’t have been. Lastly, he remembers the pain, the sharp edge of a demon’s blade as it pierced the pure tissue of his heart, the searing pain crawling across his body like maggots and tearing at his skin as he struggled to fight it, fighting until he took his last breath and his body gave in to the desire of being in a painless state, turning paler and stiffer than the coldest of snows in winter.

Soonyoung doesn’t remember the day he died other than that.

But what he does remember, is waking up sometime later from that horrible, dull slumber and watching as paramedics placed his body on a stretcher and wheeled him out of his bedroom as hard men in suits held onto his weeping mother. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen his father as broken in his life as he had then, his father’s eyes red rimmed and bloodshot, trying to listen to the policemen as they rambled on about possible reasons why poor Soonyoung’s life was taken so suddenly from him. But as he looked around his room that fateful night, examining the wooden floor that was now stained darker than before, examining just like the detectives that invaded his personal space, he thought it was painfully clear what had happened. He was murdered in the confines of his bedroom as his parents were out of the house late at night.

Everything after that was just a rapid blur of watching his parents cry deep into the night at the loss of their only child to standing over the shoulders of the police as they took notes, screaming at them, wondering why no one could see him despite being right in front of their eyes. But he wasn’t, was he? He might think he’s standing, breathing, but he knows that’s not the case when he watches as he’s- his body, is put into a casket in his Sunday best and lowered into his grave on a dull and wet Wednesday afternoon. He knows that he is, essentially, gone from the land of the living, no longer able to hug his parents, to wave at his friends as they walked mournfully to school, to dance as was always his passion. Yes, everything in the days following his death was a blur of sadness, regret and confusion.

But what he does remember, clear as the crystal vase his mother polished religiously and never let him touch as a child, was the day he stood behind his parents’ small forms and gazed upon the detectives as they detained the dreaded black mass that stole his life and threw him into the backseat of the police car to be locked up for the remainder of his pathetic life. He supposes it was some sort of consolidation for his parents: they had caught the man that ruined their life forever. But it still doesn’t erase the grief of his parents discovering that it was a simple robbery, that Soonyoung had just been in the way and the man panicked when he was caught, doesn’t erase the heavy hearts caused by this terrible accident, a community shocked by the loss of the brightest boy its ever seen.

But now Soonyoung is terribly alone in crowded places, and he doesn’t know what to do.

He stays at home, lies in the bed he’ll never sleep in again, guards the parents he’ll never talk to again, walks beside the friends he’ll never laugh with again. It frustrates him to no end, this isolation, the unhappiness he feels settling deep into his gut and causing him to sob tears that will never fall down his chubby cheeks. He’s never been this alone, this quiet, and it’s such a drastic change from the boy he once was that if anyone were to see him (he prays they do) they’d ask if that really was Soonyoung. Soonyoung, who was once so vibrant and enthusiastic, was now just a dull shell of his former self. And there was never a sadder sight.

He’s met a few of his kind before; other ‘spirits’, or ‘souls’ as they’d call themselves, wandering aimlessly on the streets of his hometown before moving off. Some knew how they died, others didn’t, completely in the dark and confused, afraid. It was a slight burden off his shoulders, knowing he wasn’t the only one out there. But he was still on his own, no spirit ever staying long enough to acquaint, moving on in search of the great beyond that might never come.

Soonyoung spends his days roaming the halls of his home until he overhears the dreaded words slip free from his parents’ mouths. “Let’s move away.” He doesn’t blame them for wanting to leave – he would too if his child was killed in his home. But he still feels like a little boy, even more so now, and he needs his parents by his side, needs that constant to keep him strong. But in what feels like the blink of an eye the house is emptied and his parents have left a few months after his death. Now he guards an empty home, eyes trained on the dust gathering on the kitchen counter tops his mother would prepare his favourite chicken dinners, watches the insects crawl from the cracks in the corners of the living room where his father would read the newspaper in the cushioned chair by the window.

The house looks unbearably bigger now that it’s just Soonyoung and his thoughts. Too big, he thinks, even if he’d hear his mother complaining it was too small when he was a child. Much too big for just himself. Too quiet yet the howling of the wind was too loud for his pale ears. He barely registered the strangers visiting the house that was now on the market, too busy actively ignoring the truth blaring in his face that he was slowly losing whatever life he had, piece by piece, and yet he refused to give up on this house. His home. His home that no longer felt like a home.

Except for the day you walked through the front door, freshly cut keys jingling in your hand as the other struggled to drag your packed suitcase behind you, small grin on your face as you basked in the glory of finally finding somewhere to live close to your college near five years later.

He doesn’t recall seeing you in the house before, figures he would have remembered a face as mesmerising as yours, so utterly entranced he was at your soft visage that he felt as if his scarred, dead heart has started beating again. At first, he had somewhat hated you for stepping into his home and making it your own, changing it from the safe haven he once knew and he despised that. But as you settled in, buried your head in your textbooks, sang the sweetest notes as you cooked in the kitchen, danced foolishly throughout the house in a ratty t-shirt and shorts as you cleaned the house, hoovering up that wretched dust that covered his memories, he found he didn’t mind you as much.

The company was indeed welcomed after years of silence, the house a little less lonely now that he had someone new to watch over, and you were certainly an interesting one. He’d laugh whenever you’d bang your head on the open cupboard door in the kitchen (which was always, you never seemed to learn from that) and swore under your breath as you rubbed the bump on your head. He’d raise a brow at when you went on one of your ‘creative sprees’, and you’d ruin the floor of his parents’ bedroom (your bedroom, he needs to remember that), various assortments of glitter and paints and stickers covering the dark wood in whatever creation you had in mind that day. And he’d join you as you turned up the music to prance around the room as you got ready for the day, both dancing to your hearts delight, and for once, Soonyoung felt a sliver of the happiness he’s been deprived of.

But things got even more interesting when you walked straight through Soonyoung’s ethereal form. And you shivered. And Soonyoung nearly dropped dead (if he could).

It was the first time since becoming a spirit that anybody had any sort of response to walking through him despite having done so unknowingly on numerous occasions. And Soonyoung almost, almost missed it, if not for the little sound of discomfort you made that drew his eyes back towards you once more. He watched as your body gave a slight shudder, your face contorting into a miniscule scowl before shrugging and continuing about your day as if nothing happened. But something did happen. Soonyoung saw it with his own eyes, heard it with his own ears, and it sparked the tiniest of flames inside his soul of a body, a spark of hope, something he had not had in the longest time, hope that for the first time, he would be seen.

And since that day, Soonyoung has been nothing but a pest throughout your house; moving your letters from one place to another, pots mysteriously falling from their spot on the counter to clang on the floor, random taps resounding through your walls in the middle of the dead of night. At first you were frightened, who wouldn’t be? All these strange paranormal happenings in your house would scare anyone, and while that wasn’t Soonyoung’s original intent, he was still determined to make his presence known, to make you notice him. After weeks of observation he was ecstatic to find that you no longer feared the unknown presence in your home, and instead, with your strange quirkiness and caring side that he’s come to love, you’ve accepted him, even calling out to him if he fiddles with something in your line of vision. You’ve even given him a nickname, called after the little star decoration hanging over your mirror that he pays special attention to when you’re getting ready for the day. Hoshi, you named him, and he was sure his smile could have cracked his face if he wasn’t dead, was sure that the brightest of blushes would wash over his face. Hoshi was perfect, and it was beautiful, like you, and he was proud to wear the name.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and it felt like Hoshi was stuck in the same spot; forever fiddling with things to get your attention, walking through you to earn a reaction. The flame inside his heart was beginning to dull the more time went by, losing hope that he would ever get to talk to you, to be acknowledged for once since his untimely end. He was hopeless, until one October night you held a small party with your closest friends and someone had the bright idea to bring a Ouija board to play with while you were all drunk. Hoshi thought it bizarre at first, do people just carry these sorts of things around with them like it’s nothing? But then he heard the light tone of your voice, albeit slightly slurred from the fruity drinks you’ve had, saying that you wanted to meet Hoshi, and he nearly melted. You should have been more careful, he thought momentarily, Ouija boards were dangerous and not something for drunk college students to be messing around with, but soon enough he heard your voice calling out to him, and he stood in shock for a brief second.

This was his chance, for him to finally have some way of actually speaking to you, for you to know he’s been here all along, to know what happened to him, to know how he feels, and suddenly he’s scared. After living in silence for so long he finally gets the opportunity to speak to the one person who’s brought him an ounce of joy and now he’s hesitant, his feet unwilling to move from their spot. He doesn’t understand why, his mind screams at him to make a move, but his fear stops him. But, one look at your dejected face from your friends mocking remarks about him being fake, suddenly Hoshi’s moving towards the board and placing his pointer finger upon the planchette.

“My Hoshi, are you there?” you inquire, a drunken lilt to your voice as you look aimlessly around the room, your eyes meeting his unknowingly for a few seconds before moving off. Hoshi could almost laugh at the ominous setting of the room; dark except for the few faintly lit fairy lights scattered throughout the room, fake store-bought cobwebs lining the table you and your friends sat around and bottles of drink pushed to the side to be dealt with tomorrow morning. He stared at your face, your pretty eyes wide in what looked to be slight apprehension, nibbling softly on the skin of your lower lip as you awaited his answer, and he was soon pushing his finger towards the ‘yes’ that sat in the corner of the board.

You all gasped aloud when the planchette moved, some friends quick to question each other which one of you moved it to freak the others out, but when all of them firmly denied ever even pressing hard on the planchette, it soon dawned up on you all that there was another presence in the room and it was met with mixed reactions. Some reacted in fear, wanting to put away the board altogether and go home, others in shock and awe, but you, you were the only one smiling, stretching from ear to ear and your eyes twinkling brighter than any of the lights littering the space in the room. Hoshi’s face matched your own, a heart once so dead and cold now full and bursting with warmth, so overjoyed that he could experience this moment with you, the moment he actually made contact with you. Part of him wishes to not have the intrusion of your friends on what he considers an intimate moment, but he wasn’t able to think on it too long before you were asking more questions.

“What’s your real name?”

Hoshi’s fingers moved the planchette to the respective letters of his name, spelling out S-O-O-N-Y-O-U-N-G while one of your friends wrote down the letters. Someone recognised his name, a dark tale that drifted throughout the town and city years ago, and recalled what they knew of him: a boy killed unjustly, taken too early, someone who had so much to live for be it in dancing, school or simply being the bright person he was. Hoshi’s heart deflated when your face fell the more his story was revealed to you, sorrow marring every inch of your graceful features and causing his stomach to do uncomfortable twists as if it were still a functioning organ in his body. You took a deep breath before speaking again, but this time no question was asked.

“I’m sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve it, and I hope the person who killed you rots wherever they are,” you said, poison lacing your honey-like voice, and once more Hoshi was shocked. He never thought he’d have those words directed at him before, never thought he’d hear it for himself than told to his parents. He didn’t know how to reply, so he said the first thing he thought was right.

T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U

You smiled again, the lightest of blushes spreading across your cheeks and your nose scrunching momentarily in delight. Another question came to your mind, your features taking on an inquisitive look again. “Do you want me to call you Soonyoung instead?”

Hoshi chose to ignore how your name made him feel weak-kneed for a second, and answered you quickly.

I-L-I-K-E-H-O-S-H-I

It was a bit tedious, having to spell out everything while your friends freaked out beside you, filling the room with squeals and shrieks, but his focus was only on you and your reactions. You giggled at his answer, and he laughed alongside you, a giddiness coming over him that he couldn’t control. He gave a frown of annoyance when your friends elected to take over the questioning for the night, endless dreary questions like ‘have you seen other ghosts?’, ‘have you ever met a demon?’, or the most baffling one that they spent some time talking about, ‘could ghosts have sex?’ Both you and Hoshi balked at the question, whether it be for the same or completely different reasons, but you were coughing into your hand when your friend sent an obvious wink in your direction. When it seemed like they would never shut up with their curious questioning, they eventually grew bored on Hoshi’s deliberate bland answers in the hopes that they’d turn the questioning back to you. But to his horror, everyone began to announce they were going to go home before putting an end to the connection. In his panic, Hoshi’s fingers sped over the ‘no’ in the opposite corner, subsequently stopping the group from saying goodbye. Everyone paused, staring at the bold letters silently and then looking towards you who wilted underneath their gazes.

“It’s dangerous to break the circle, isn’t it?” one said, eyes flickering uncertainly around the others who returned the hesitance to mess up the circle.

“Well,” another perked up after a beat of silence, “he doesn’t seem like an evil spirit. I guess we could take our hands off and end it there, but I say we should keep talking to him for a bit, at least until he’s satisfied.”

“What do you want to talk about?” someone asked, and Hoshi pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Y/N he spelled, and your jaw dropped.

“You want to talk about me?” you asked, a waver of nervousness in your voice as you furrowed your brows. His fingers flew across the letters again, your friend struggling to keep up with the letters as she wrote them down on the page.

I-W-A-N-T-T-O-T-A-L-K-T-O-Y-O-U-O-N-L-Y

“Oh.”

Your friends shared looks of bewilderment, looking to you for guidance on what to do. You thought for a moment, staring at your fingers that were accidently touching the tips of Hoshi’s spectral ones. “Lift your fingers off the planchette,” you announced, and slowly, one by one, your friends obeyed, their hold on the spirit world evaporating until it was just you and him left. They packed up their things and called cabs, not that you payed them much attention, keeping your focus on the board despite not saying anything, and wishing you good luck before they left, they bid their goodbyes and closed the door behind them.

The silence that filled the room was almost deafening, Hoshi waiting in anticipation of your next move, eyes trained on your face that was softly illuminated, as perfect as the day he first saw it. Licking your lips, painted a blood red hue in the spirit of Halloween, you began to speak.

“What do you look like?” you asked, and Hoshi should have expected a question like that but it still made his eyebrows raise in surprise. He thought for a moment on how he would show you, his parents long having packed up every picture you could possibly find of Soonyoung in the house. Then it came to him.

I-N-T-E-R-N-E-T. Surely the news would have put his pictures in the papers or on the article online. You made a soft ‘ah’ sound and grabbed your phone from its place beside you on the ground, searching his name as quick as you could with one hand to type. Within seconds the results popped up on screen, page upon page of his tragedy, all telling the same sad story. You ignored them in favour of heading to the images page, and your eyes widened at what came up. Multiple pictures of the same boy – no, man would be the better term, dark haired and smiling the cutest grin you’ve ever seen, causing his wonderful eyes to squint in the most unique way you’ve ever seen. Without realising, the words “he’s so pretty” slipped ever so quietly out of your mouth but it was not lost on Hoshi’s ears, who was positive said ears would be burning right to the tips if you could see him, the goofiest, love-struck smile overtaking his face. You smiled softly as you looked through the pictures, wondering how such a gorgeous and bright young man like him could ever have been so brutally murdered as he was. Life was truly cruel.

“How long have you been here?” you questioned, phone placed on the ground once more.

F-I-V-E

“Five years, wow…did you ever think about moving off? Can ghosts explore the world or are they tied to the place they, you know…died…?” you mumbled, afraid of offending him somehow. Hoshi chuckled sadly.

D-I-D-N-O-T-W-A-N-T

“Oh, you wanted to stay here? Makes sense, it was your home after all. I’m sorry I took it,” you said sheepishly, scratching your head with your free hand. “Are you angry at me because of that?”

The planchette was immediately moved to ‘no’, followed by I-L-I-K-E-Y-O-U.

He watched as you ducked your head shyly, a giggle of disbelief escaping you, all the while shaking your head. Hoshi smirked, pleased that he was able to elicit that kind of response like it was one of the old romance movies his mother used to play when he was young. He was also pleased he could relieve some of his feelings to you, despite you probably not taking it for face value, for Hoshi did like you, he really did. Probably more than someone in his situation should, what with being dead and near invisible and all, but he couldn’t help it. He really couldn’t. After seeing you every day for the past few months, learning all your quirks, joys and insecurities, Hoshi felt more a part of your life than he thinks anyone has been since you moved here. It was just an unfortunate nightmare that he would never get to treat you as well as you deserved to be, to hold you when college got too tough or laugh when you bump your head on the cupboard door again, never learning your lesson.

He sighed wearily, biting at the inside of his cheek. An unfortunate nightmare indeed, he thinks as he gets lost looking into your eyes, the colours of which he’d know as well as any dance routine he learned as a teenager.

“I like you too, Hoshi,” you gushed, and his lifeless heart felt like it skipped a beat, warming his body from head to toe. “Tell me more about yourself,” you asked, and for the next while, he did to the best of his ability. He told you about his old life and his new one, his hobbies as well as his dreams, and he learned about yours too, your wishes for when you leave college, your job, your friends and family. It felt like a date, almost – a very strange one, couples normally don’t talk through a Ouija board, but Hoshi was never as content as he was now, the one girl who made him smile in his miserable and dull world talking to him as if he were an old friend, an old lover. He never wanted it to end, but as life seemed to hate him, luck was never on his side. You yawned into your free hand, rubbing at your eyes cutely that made Hoshi ‘aww’ out loud and a smile of adoration tug at his lips.

“I’m tired, I think I’m going to go to bed now,” you explained, and Hoshi elected to ignore the disappointment sinking into his bones, favouring your wellbeing more than his. “I better lock up and stuff, make sure no burglar gets in and steals what little stuff I have,” you laughed softly, fatigue washing over you in waves like a lazy river. Hoshi began moving the planchette again, and you dragged your eyes to the letters, sleepy mind scrambling to keep up and make sense of what he is saying.

I-P-R-O-T-E-C-T-Y-O-U

You smiled a gentle, lazy smile once you realised what he had said, heart beating faster than usual for a person. “Thank you, my Hoshi. I feel better knowing you keep me safe every day,” you breathed out a sigh of content, one that made Hoshi feel lighter than a feather that fell from a dove, a sense of pride swelling his chest to the brim. He was glad he could make you feel good for such a simple act, but he does it diligently, from simple things like moving your closer to the centre of the table so it doesn’t fall off the edge to turning off hot appliances that you left on in a rush to leave the house. Anything to make your life just that bit easier and more enjoyable, he’d do it.

“I think I should buy a board for myself so I can talk to you more, I like talking to you,” you murmured, eyelids drooping as the drink from earlier in the night made you feel drowsy. Yawning once more, you stretched your back, heaving a satisfied sigh at the pops and cracks that left you feeling like a noodle. “Goodnight, Hoshi,” you said quietly, and Hoshi swallowed his sigh of disappointment, bitterness welling up in his mouth and tasting like a copper coin. There’s always tomorrow, he thinks, as he moves his pale fingers on the planchette for the final time that night. He’ll talk to you again tomorrow. And maybe, someday, he’ll get his wish and hold you tightly as he rocked you to sleep, whispering only loving things into your ears.

Hoshi moved the planchette over the letters G-O-O-D-N-I-G-H-T before hovering over ‘Goodbye’, and he was alone once more as sleep dragged you into its sweet clutches.

#mimi fics #hoshi #hoshi scenarios #hoshi fluff #hoshi angst #soonyoung #kwon soonyoung #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenarios #seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fic #seventeen reactions #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #s.coups #wonwoo #mingyu #vernon #woozi #joshua #jeonghan #dk #seungkwan #dino #the8 #minghao #jun #jihoon

[thatbrontide]

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? Gene Wilder, Sam Cooke, Etta James, Sarah Silverman. All of my great-grandparents and my grandfather I never met. 

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? I would probably love it. I would want Kristin Wiig’s career or to be a famous dancer of some sort. 

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? All the time. I have severe social anxiety.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? Just being around people who  joke around well and getting good exercise, dancing to soul music. I love a strenuous workout. I would say being with someone I’m in love with, if that were available to me. 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? I sing nearly every day. I sang to my grandmother before she died. I think I sang Walkin’ After Midnight, or maybe Damn Shame by Jolie Holland, then remembered that she didn’t like country music and that these were sad songs, so I started doing sounding, when you stay in one syllable Enya-esquely. She seemed to like it. She was non-verbal with her eyes usually closed by that time, and raised her eyebrows and leaned into the sound. 

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? I would want to develop mentally past 30, since at 30, you have a lot to learn. So, body. 

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? No, but most people in my family die around 90 with dementia. I likely will get some kind of cancer, and almost certainly with get dementia if I live past 75. For some reason, I feel I may die in my sleep or in a freak accident, but not particularly strongly. 

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. I don’t have a partner, but I dated someone who was so funny that they made me funnier and who loved to dance, someone who was as kind and kinky as I was with the same taste in the arts, and someone who was tied to land in a way that I respected. The latter was also intuitive, which I also am. 

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? Humor, kindness, and music. 

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? My parents should have taught us to work hard and face fear, and spoken to us about our/their emotions. They also should have gotten divorced and recognized opportunities and potential rather than acted as though we didn’t have any. I wish my mom had stood up for herself and my dad had gone to therapy. I wish I’d been raised in a city that supported creativity and had options for the kind of success that doesn’t exist in the Midwest. 

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. ughuguughgughgughgugh

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? I would want to write the way I used to and to have an immaculate memory. 

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? Whether I will fall in love again, I suppose. Maybe what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. 

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? I was raised around a can’t-do attitude. High potential and low self-esteem... You have to pretend, but I’m exhausted by pretending. Which is a cop-out; I should allow myself to exhaust necessarily. 

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Wisdom? I’ve never had a big accomplishment I was truly proud of, honestly. I’ve enjoyed transcending plateaus when learning drum set. I’ve liked that I treat people well even when people treat me poorly. Getting to a place at which I take things personally much less often has been good. I’ve done things I didn’t think I could do, just to do them. I’ve loved very hard, and very well. I was, at least at one time, really funny, which is important. I gained emotional maturity and a certain type of deep confidence that some people don’t die with, in high school. I cut shitty people out of my life when it was difficult. I culled parts of my personality when I wanted to. 

16. What do you value most in a friendship? kindness and humor

17. What is your most treasured memory? being in love with my first boyfriend, and the memory of my incredible friend Bud, who has passed away. 

18. What is your most terrible memory? My second-to-most-terrible memory, I suppose, is of being stalked/put in danger intentionally by my ex-boyfriend. I don’t like to talk about the most terrible thing. Or my parents just not being what I needed. They’re very different types of memories. 

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? I would transcribe my journals and try to get them published, lol. And travel. 

20. What does friendship mean to you? This is a difficult question, I’ve found. As a kid, I didn’t understand why people were friends with each other. I was liked and always had friends, but didn’t understand why people spent time together. I felt I needed it explained to me. I also didn’t know I had the power to hurt others, so I’d stop hanging out with people when they stopped inviting me, which hurt them. 

By 13, I was suicidal and thought I was doing people a favor by not being around them. So... as an adult, I’ve had to redefine friendship, or define it for the first time, perhaps. I think it means that you try to find respite in each other. You compliment each other in a world that is mean. You’re there if you’re needed. You have boundaries that are respected. You have fun, or at least share something that makes the friendship worth your time. I think it’s simple. 

But sometimes, I hear people talk about how they have friends who are their platonic soulmates. I have had one friend whom I adore. I think he’s perfect and such a great person. But I have what’s maybe a weird relationship to feeling a certain way about people. If I think you’re awesome, I often will feel the need to leave you alone to live your life, unless I’m romantically in love. I have fallen in love with a different friend, but I didn’t find that I could be just his friend. 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? In the pandemic, they’re missing. I have one friend I cuddle with like every few months. I hung out with a coworker yesterday and we shook hands at one point, and I joked that it was the most physical touch I’d experienced in months. I find affection verbally lately. Texting to see how someone is doing, complimenting them. Lack of touch makes me feel creepy. It makes me understand incels. Not defend them, but understand. 

I’ve had intense, incredible love in my life for years. I’ve felt love more deeply than, I’ve learned, many people do. I had sex much better than, it seems, most people ever do, regularly for nearly ten years. That this was all before age 26 has set me up for disappointment. I’ve been trying to recalibrate to the reality of both pandemic isolation and of just being a single adult. I don’t know how to be casual. Everything has to feel intense and meaningful because that’s how sex and dating started out for me, but I have ot accept that that’s not what’s going to happen, likely. 

I made out with a Tinder date during the pandemic, and I could not get myself to fuck him. I was so... I guess protective of myself. I’ve been so stressed and insular that I’m different. I used to be flirtatious and sexually confident. I don’t care for how I’ve changed, but I was single and new to town when lockdown started. There’s only so much I can do. I require sex pretty much every day. I love to cuddle. To be deprived like this is painful, but I try to channel it into other things. 

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. NA

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? 

Before adolescence, I was happy. I laughed all the time, but was extremely socially anxious. I was obsessed with gender bc it felt violent and inescapable, and had a social confusion that’s akin to ASD or BPD. I became suicidal when I was 12 or 13, tried to kill myself at 17. But as a teen, I played drums, fell deeply in love, had these wonderful, hilarious, brilliant friends. Hating myself and wanting to die was mostly environmental. Suicidal ideation is all about wanting life to change but feeling powerless to implement the change. 

The warmth in my family is perhaps not obvious, but I know exactly where it is. Every single person in my family, other than my racist aunt who made my mom’s brother into a racist curmudgeon, is the nicest person. They’d die of embarrassment for hurting your feelings. They live all day from the warmth of what seems to me to be a pure, inherent respect for others. But they would probably appear cold to you due to their quietude and timidity, which are often mistaken for aloofness or narcissism.  My family deals in invisibilization of themselves, I tend to think, and thus of each other.

My mom is warm in that she compliments freely. “You look gorgeous! That dress is to die for! Mark’s a very sweet man.” She’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, and humor is warmth if you ask me. Both of my parents are generous, my mom codependently. They both lack boundaries. I’ve always lacked emotional trust for my parents. As far as I’ve been able to tell, they mean well. We ate dinner in separate rooms. I felt like I had to pull teeth to eke out happiness for my parents. I felt triumphant when I made my dad laugh. I tried to teach my mom to be more confident, which never worked. That is cold, to be a kid who feels the need to parent those who are supposed to parent them. It’s hard to feel close to adults you don’t trust. I feel like I was provided for and taught manners and traditions, but not exactly raised.

My parents divorced when I was 28. I have no memory of them getting along. I barely remember them constantly bickering/avoiding each other. They slept in separate rooms. My mom never gets sick, but the one time I recall her having the flu, I was maybe 12 and it was bedtime. I thought, “I’m going to have to take care of her tomorrow.” Next day, I watched my dad bring her soup and a warm washcloth for her forehead. I was shocked. 

My dad would say "sweet dreams” every night, which was his way of saying he loved us. His brother, whom I adore, and my aunt would tell me they loved me, and I always felt that they did so specifically bc they knew my dad would never. My dad’s concerned with appearances mostly, but I have memories of him, e.g., buying me a sweatshirt when I was cold or getting me VHSes to watch when I was sick. He’s distant as fuck, just wants us to marry Jews and make money and look pretty. 

Both of my parents are unbelievably naive, and both unmistakably old-fashioned (while having socialist ideals); both traits aided in my distrust and didn’t jibe with my needs. So, you separate from those you feel don’t serve you, but you still need parenting, which develops an unhealthy relationship. 

I haven’t spoken to my dad in about 5 years. I limit contact with my mom. My brother has a life that I feel I have nothing to do with, which is fine. We’re cordial. 

But warmth is in moments. I was raised to respect the elderly. That’s warm. I was raised to respect Jewish tradition. That has warmth. Tikkun olam, Jewish humor, etc. My mom’s parents had a big Christmas party every year. They made us get in groups and pick a number in the 12 Days of Christmas song to sing together. But, since they’re all Dutch and Swedish and, from what I understand, from a bourgie tradition, it’s this type of fun that’s inhibited. Inhibition, is cold. But you focus on the effort. The food, the intention of getting together, the fact that I saw my great-uncles’ faces in my mom’s cousins’. I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know what warmth is? Maybe it confuses me. One side were traumatized, quiet Easter European Jews, and the other were stereotypically stoic Swedes and Dutch people. I think of another aunt, who married in and is Irish Catholic. She’s a sweetheart, but is also cold in a nunnish way. 

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? She’s difficult for me to be around bc she embodies powerlessness. She has a childlike joy to her, which I think she focuses on, but also sees herself as incapable. I’m positive that she has a genius IQ and could’ve been anything at all, but she drinks, smokes, and watches TV most of the time. When I was maybe 22, I took her horseback riding. She’d won horseback competitions growing up. I thought maybe it would inspire her to live life rather than sit watching bad TV. It didn’t work, but being around her makes me feel as powerless as she feels.

It feels dangerous to interact with her. I can’t be brought down to feel as though I’m nothing every time I hang out with someone. She’s also said awful things to me that have me question whether she intentionally has made feel badly about myself so that I’ll “need” her. Which... How dare any parent do that. How dare any parent be either that cruel or that ignorant. I have a lot of rage toward her and stay in touch out of guilt. I interact with her, hoping she’ll be different this time. It’s never going to happen. That’s why I stopped talking to my dad; I finally accepted him. 

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “ NA

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “ respect for each other?

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. NA

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. NA

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. One of my most embarrassing moments was when I was sucking someone’s dick outside and was “caught” by my landlord/boss/friend at the exact time he came through that part of the yard every night. For some reason, I was certain that it was hours later than it was. I thought that he must have thought that I’d done it on purpose, and I was mortified. 

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? I cried in front of my friend Matt a few months ago bc of the stress of the pandemic and things I’d been through in the last few years. He was so sweet about it. I cry often, mostly while watching movies or videos. 

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. NA

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Nothing is too serious to be joked about, but there are people who shouldn’t tell certain jokes/jokes in certain ways. Read the room and know your place. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? Well, I wish I’d told my friend I was in love with him before he died. Maybe I didn’t tell him bc I’m terrified of things going well. Other than that, I don’t think I have anything to tell anyone. Maybe I want people to “know me” through some kind of art. 

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? Old journals bc I was good at writing. 

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? I really, really will have no idea until it happens. Probably on of my parents because what is death for someone whose life they refused to, or felt they could not, make good? What promises did they break toward themselves, and am I doomed to break the same ones?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. NA  

#gernil #deardiary #dear diary

[ohparkers]

Sleepwalking

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Cursing, awkwardness, sleep deprivation (?)

Summary: You stayed up late on a school night, and the side effects are as prominent as ever the next morning.

A/N: I wrote this over a couple of days so I’m sorry if some parts are a little wonky or inconsistent. It’s my longest imagine yet, lol. Also I might make this a series, maybe, maybe not :-) I’ll see how you guys like it. Ok, I think that’s it,,, enjoy!!

Staying up until 3 AM on a school night was never a good idea. However, after the new season of Stranger Things had just been released onto Netflix, your brain suddenly disregarded this well-known fact and decided that it would be a good idea to binge all the episodes in a single night. You’d certainly enjoyed the new season, but you weren’t enjoying the after effects of only getting three hours of sleep. 

That was why when you’d stumbled onto the train the following morning, hair tied up in the messiest bun it’d ever been in, it took all of your willpower not to just fall asleep standing there holding onto the rail. It was just your luck that there were no open seats and you had been forced to stand up, cramming yourself in between other commuters and students and clutching onto the metal pole with one hand. You almost pulled out your phone to lazily scroll through social media, but thought better of it when the train rocked slightly and you almost went flying down the aisle.

Note to self: No matter how much Nancy Wheeler is your “badass queen”, there was no way you were going to function getting through a whole seven hour school day like this. 

For heaven’s sake, even the extra-large, extra-hot coffee you’d downed before you left your apartment wasn’t even working. This was bad. And it could only get worse.

Your stop finally approached, and as the moving monorail slowly came to a stop you deemed it safe to use your cell phone to send a quick text to MJ. 

Dude, I think I’m gonna pass out. How tf am I going to get through Chem? Oh god, MJ, this is gonna be a disaster.

You waited for a response, but were forced to lock your phone as people all around you began to get off and on the train. The chilly autumn air hit you harshly in the face as you stepped off, moving with the pace of the crowd. Luckily, the walk to Midtown from the train station wasn’t far. 

Tucking your hands into the pockets of your army green jacket, you walked cautiously, so as to not completely fall forwards on your face. By the time you made it to the front campus of Midtown, the migraine inhabiting your head had already gotten what felt like ten times worse. 

The school was alive with the buzz of students, or as alive as a building full of teenagers could be in the early hours of a Monday morning. Adjusting your backpack straps on your shoulder, you quickly spotted your friend perched on a bench just outside the front doors.

You picked up your pace only slightly, silently making your way over to greet the brunette, who’s curly mop of hair was turned downwards, nose tucked in a thick novel. “MJ!” You breathed, the breeze sending a short chill down your spine. 

She looked up at you, a scowl already adorning her features before she realized that it was you speaking to her. Her facial expression quickly changed into a pitiful smile. “Oh my god, Y/N, you look kind of dead.”

You managed out a chuckle, even though you knew she was completely right. A side effect of getting little to no sleep is not being in the right state of mind to actually pick out a decent outfit. That morning, in the midst of your exhausted haze, you’d thrown on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a gray long-sleeved pullover, which you’d paired with your green jacket and black vans. The outfit could have been worse, but you hadn’t even bothered trying with your hair, instead leaving it in the messy bun you slept in. 

So yeah, Michelle wasn’t too far off in saying that you looked kind of dead.

“Never mind that. It was all worth it to see more of the love of my life kicking some supernatural butt.” Grinning, you grabbed your friend by the wrist and pulled her to make her stand up.

MJ rolled her brown eyes. “Yeah, yeah, we all know about your insane girl crush.”

You returned the scowl she had given you before, then began walking, though you weren’t denying her accusation. Could you really even argue with that? Nope. The answer was no.

The taller girl fell into step next to you, and you chatted about some of your shared classes before you finally entered through the front doors of Midtown. It was always a struggle to maneuver through the crowds in the hallways, but after three years of attending the school you’d learned to manage it.

Your first class of the day was AP English, which fortunately you shared with your best friend. After a brief stop at your lockers, you headed towards the classroom together. The two of you made it through the door just as the second bell clanged throughout the halls, making you both cringe slightly and rush to sit down.

The class dragged on rather slowly, but you were thankful that it was a fairly easy lesson. If you day had started with something like Physics, you had no idea how you would’ve managed to even keep your eyes open for the whole hour long period. 

When the class was finally over, you packed up your things and headed out of the room. You were going to Chemistry and MJ was headed to Algebra, but both of the rooms were in the same wing of the school, so you could walk together. You were almost at the door to the lab when you stopped dead in your tracks. Oh no. No, no, no.

“MJ, wait.” Tugging on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, you pulled her over towards you, your eyes wide as saucers.

She raised her eyebrows. “What is it?”

“My Chem folder! It’s sitting on my kitchen counter. Oh my god, MJ, oh my god.  What if the teacher does one of those note checks? Holy shit. I’m screwed. Goodbye, A minus average. Rest in peace.” Shoving your flushed face in your hands, you pulled at the roots of your hair that had begun to fall out of the bun it was previously in. 

The brunette sighed in response, shaking her head at you. She opened her mouth to say something before closing it abruptly, peeking her head into the doorway of the classroom and looking back at you with a wry smirk. “Hey, hey, relax. She might not check, and even if she does, you do have the smartest kid in our grade as your lab partner, need I remind you-” 

Peter. It was your turn to peer into the lab, your eyes scanning over the rows of tables until they landed on the one you shared. All you could see from this angle was the back of his head, soft brown curls smushed down by the silly goggles he’d already adorned. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip at the sight, becoming temporarily distracted and losing your train of thought.

“-Just go in there. You don’t want to be late.” MJ continued, shoving you lightly by the shoulder and turning to walk in the other direction. So much for support.

With that, you willed your feet to carry you into the brightly-lit lab room bustling with students. Taking a deep breath, you passed the couple of rows in the back of the room, bumping into the corners haphazardly and letting out a small groan. The lack of sleep was still affecting you greatly, even though it was already almost ten in the morning.

You reached your usual table with a sigh, looking over and seeing Peter still with his head ducked down into the side drawer. Almost not even wanting to bother him, you gingerly reached over and tapped him on the shoulder.

Your hand lingered there for just a moment too long. Since when was he so muscular, holy crap-

“O-oh, Y/N!” Peter’s voice snapped you out of your momentary daze, your hand on his shoulder quickly going back by your side to grab the straps of your backpack.

A breath hitched in your throat, suddenly awkwardness swept over you like a thick blanket and you couldn’t seem to even form words. Tired eyes focusing on the ends of your partner’s curly hair, curling around his ears in small tufts of golden brown, realization settled in.

You looked like you’d just rolled out of bed. Well, because technically you did, but still.

Suddenly all you wanted to do was disintegrate into a puddle of nothingness. Not only were you completely exhausted, you looked like an utter wreck and were now acting like a blubbering idiot in front of your cute lab partner. Fantastic.

Nervously, you placed your bag down on the floor, settling into the chair to the right of Peter’s. You chewed on your bottom lip out of anxiety, drumming your fingers on the wooden tabletop.

The bell rang again, sending the classroom that was previously bustling with conversation hushed into silence at the sight of your teacher entering through the door. Great, now even if you wanted to apologize to Peter for acting so weird, you couldn’t.

The teacher made her way to the front of the room, coffee cup in hand. She put her stack of papers down on her desk before promptly launching into a lecture about the activity you’d be doing that day. From the corner of your eye, you noticed Peter rush to remove his goggles and stop fiddling with whatever he was making in the drawer.

You were used to these long instructional talks, however, this one seemed to be droning on an excessively lengthy amount of time. There was no way you’d get to complete a whole lab with only nearly half of the class period left. Hey, at least you were sure that there wouldn’t be a notes check that day. At least that relieved some of your stress.

Slowly but surely, you could subconsciously feel yourself drift off, the hand supporting your head atop the table providing a makeshift pillow. Unrested eyes fluttering shut easily, before you could stop it you were out like a light.

A nudge at your side. Nothing.

A tap at your foot. Nope.

From across the table, Peter’s mind and heart were racing. The teacher would look over here at any second, and you were not-so-subtly snoozing out in the middle of class. 

He didn’t know any other way to get you to wake up; and he had to get you awake, although you were blatantly exhausted, your teacher would certainly give you detention if she caught you.

Wiping his hands on his jeans, Peter willed his heart to stop beating so fast. It didn’t listen. The nervous boy reached under the table, taking the hand that wasn’t holding your head up and - he held his breath - took it in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

The unfamiliar contact caused your eyes to fly open in surprise, while Peter let out a deep breath from beside you. He quickly removed his hand from yours (as much as he didn't want to), a blush forming on his freckled cheeks. You were about to turn to him, confused, but were cut off.

“Y/N? Do you know the answer?” 

Your eyebrows raised in shock. Looking up to the front of the room, you met the gaze of your unamused professor.

Next to you, your partner hurriedly scribbled out something in the margin of his notebook before pushing it over towards your line of vision. Trying to discreetly look down, you read the words on the page with a shaky voice. “U-um. Yes? I mean, um, you would need to use Raoult’s Law.”

Your teacher nodded suspiciously,“Yes, that’s correct.” before focusing her attention on the white board behind her. When you sensed that she was no longer looking in your direction, you turned to Peter.

“Holy crap, thank you so much!” You whispered. 

Peter shrugged, clicking his pen repeatedly, a nervous habit he couldn’t seem to kick. “O-of course. I mean, it’s not like you wouldn’t do the same for me, wait, uh, I didn’t mean that you-” His cheeks darkened in color, if that was even possible.

You bit down on your lip in order to try and hide a smile. God, he was so cute. And he held your hand.

He held your hand.

It felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest from how fast it was racing. Did this mean-

Just then, the bell rang. The fucking bell rang. As students around you packed up their belongings and headed out, the two of you seemed glued down to your chairs. Both of you wanted to say something, anything, but neither of you could find the right words.

As more people funneled out, you decided it was now or never. You suddenly forgot about your disheveled hair and the fact that yesterday’s mascara was still kind of smudged under your eyes.

“Do you-”

“We should-”

You both blurted out at the same time, looking over at each other with eyes as wide as saucers. Your hand flew over your mouth, trying to conceal laughter, but when you saw Peter doing the same you decided to just let it go. Giggling like a toddler at your total awkwardness, your eyes met his.

You stopped laughing. “Um,”

“Uh, hey, you know what? Here.” reaching over to Peter’s spiral notebook that was still placed on top of the table, you scribbled something in the margin, similarly to how he’d done just minutes before when he totally saved your ass.

Except what you wrote wasn’t some Chemistry law. It was your phone number.

If he thought he was stuck before, Peter was really frozen in his seat now. He watched as you slid the notebook over to him with a shy smile, before picking up your backpack and walking out the door. 

From the doorframe, you turned to meet his gaze one more time, grinning before heading to your next class.

Peter clutched the notebook in his arms, close to his chest, where he could still feel his heart racing.

“Parker, get out of here!” The teacher demanded, causing the blushing boy to practically jump out of his chair and race out the door to find Ned and tell him everything.

Tags: @nedslaptop

(If you want to be tagged in the future just send me an ask!!)

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker headcanons #Peter Parker oneshot #spiderman #spiderman imagine #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #spiderman headcanon #spiderman oneshot #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland headcanons #tom holland oneshot #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel oneshot #marvel fic #by me #my writing #the avengers imagine #the avengers x reader #the avengers headcanons

[nemesis-nexus]

Darkest Greetings and Salutations my Family, how is everyone? I am doing rather well myself, got a whole hour of sleep, yay me! Hey, that’s not bad for a chronic insomniac, lol! It is quite brisk here up North, from what I understand this Winter is supposed to be brutal, perfect opportunity to work on my cold weather endurance! I think the coldest I’ve been outside in shorts and a tank top was probably mid 20’s but I DO NOT recommend that to anyone who is NOT used to it as hypothermia IS a thing and I don’t want anyone to get hurt; it takes time, effort and energy to build up resistance to extreme temps of any kind, it is NOT something you just dive into headfirst unless you want to end up in the ER!

At any rate tonight’s sermon is a bit lengthy, so hit the head, grab your coffee, get comfortable and enjoy!

Full Cold Moon 2019

HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY! Tonight is the night of the Full Cold Moon and the last month has certainly had events that led right up to it! Why is it that people are all too willing to stand by us so long as you agree on nearly everything but the second you have the nerve to point out the flaws in ones logic or their newfound loyalty to someone who doesn’t deserve it, they throw US away for having the nerve to disagree with them? I guess we can chalk it up to that’s just the way it goes in a lot of these situations but at the same time it is also a harsh lesson as well to never assume anyone is beyond betraying your trust. This is why we need to never tell anyone or give anyone anything beyond what they have actually earned from us including but not limited to time, respect and even money! This isn’t to imply that everyone is out to get us, it IS to directly state that some people are only as loyal as their personal agendas and that we should always keep our eyes and ears open for any signs that it is time to sever ties from a toxic person or situation!

Great Father who gives us the fortitude to stand tall even through our most trying times, we ask that you help us to stand up and push back against these usurpers who continue to not only tear the Earth asunder in pursuit of dead presidents but are all too willing to jeopardize the lives of other people to attain it while they stay in their cushy offices not worrying about their own safety or the state of the soil or water they are contaminating with their chemical cocktails! They don’t seem to understand that they are not exempt from the fall out of the damage they are doing, that once the water, air and soil are poisoned, there will be nothing left to aid in the survival of the human race - including them!

Father we know that the Free Will we were given enables us to live our lives according to our personal Paths but what it does NOT do is grant us the right to exalt ourselves above other people just because we say so! For example, no human is truly above another human, just because someone might have more dead presidents than another person does NOT make them more important! The one thing that has always behooved me is the entitlement which people with any kind of wealth like to think they have over others JUST because they have money, they seem to think they can buy their way into anything they want even if they have not actually earned the right to be a part of something!

There are no shortcuts on this Path or anywhere else in life that is worth pursuing and anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something! It never ceases to amaze me that when you tell people what they NEED to hear versus what they WANT to hear that you’re more likely than not to lose the interest of some. This is because the truth and reality of the situation does not coincide with the stereotypes and Hollywood hype, things seldom do, so when people realize that there is actual work involved (research and acquiring specific items) and that any kind of Ritual or Spell Work is going to require a vast amount of concentration and energy that can take hours depending on the intent, they get turned off. They get even more turned off when the half-assed five and dime “Spell” that they bought off the internet doesn’t work as expected!

Bit of advice: the most potent Spell you will EVER cast is the one you write yourself! In the first place the writing alone is a form of meditation that weaves your own Spiritual Energy directly into the words which connect the intent and direction to the Multiversal Qi (Chi) which is the first step in Manifesting your goal, in the second place NO ONE can express our needs or desires for anything better than we can with any and all the urgency the situation demands! In short if you are not willing to apply the effort and actually do the work, don’t expect whatever you are attempting to do to go anywhere! That may sound cold, but it IS the Full Cold Moon so the advice given may sound just as icy, but it is also necessary as some people will never listen if you always only ever handle them with kid gloves!

Winter isn’t coming, it’s already here and the ground is frozen solid once again putting Nature into a state of suspended animation until the Season of Rebirth thaws Winters frigid grasp! The Season of Death reigns supreme on the surface freezing everything in an ethereal suspended animation while the Season of Rebirth prepares itself in the darkest recesses of the underground! As Earth Guardians, Water Protects and Nature Lovers, we are aware of the intricate Dance that is Creation and Existence will go on Eternally so long as those who dwell within this space uphold their duties to Protect and Defend this planet in all its glory as we were created to do!

It is during this time that we gather our Family and Friends together and we appreciate the company of those we care for the most! Since the Ancient days the one thing that every Human on this planet has always shared is our need to survive utilizing that which nature gives us and to have the respect and conscientiousness to replace that which we take so that those who come after us will not be deprived and to never use more than we actually need as that is wasteful and destructive!

During the Season of Death that we call Winter the Earth puts itself to bed so that it may prepare itself for the Season of Rebirth that we call Spring! Nothing can be seen except maybe snow; the trees are barren, the animals are hibernating or have gone south for the winter to warmer climates! Nature keeps the ecosystem in balance by doing this so that the Earth has a chance to heal itself and regenerate the flora and fauna that is so needed for the survival of the Human and Animal Kingdoms. Because nothing is here we must take it upon ourselves to prepare for the coming months but we cannot do this if our resources are contaminated, corrupted or destroyed!

They say that we do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children and they are right! What we do today will affect what they are able to do tomorrow. What we squander today through petty selfishness and greed will determine what they have left to work with tomorrow! The responsibility of every member of the Human race is to try to leave the world, if not in the same condition in which it was presented to us at birth, slightly better! We must always keep in mind that is it NOT enough that we make sure people are able to endure while we are here, we must also do our part to make sure those who come after us are not shortchanged! When people say “it doesn’t matter what happens x amount of years from now because I’ll be dead…” it is an AFRONT to YOU Father because through the Ancient Family we were provided with everything we needed to survive, through them these gifts are safeguarded so that they are able to replicate themselves with each passing season with enough to go around forever so long as Humans did their part with balanced cultivation! The problems arise because many Humans have this attitude that those who live RIGHT NOW are the only ones they should be concerned about! This attitude leaves future generations to fend for themselves rather than pick up where the previous generations left off and if these Humans just IMAGINED for a moment the situation THEY would have been in had the Ancient Family decided that was THEIR attitude towards the Human race since the beginning! The Humans sure as hell would not have lasted as long as they did because, as future generations are being robbed of their right to exist, so too would all those who think nothing of this thievery!

This is an even BIGGER insult if the people with this attitude have children and grandchildren because they are insinuating that they don’t care how badly damaged they leave the world for their own human relations! Again we don’t even want to THINK about just how much of a disadvantage that would put US in had the Human race not been provided for so well since the beginning, so why are some people all too willing to do that to their own children and grandchildren? You didn’t do that to us and we certainly should not allow it to be done to our future generations, which is why all Earth Guardians need to rise up and resist the selfishness and greed that is threatening not only the future existence of the Human race, but ALL life forms INCLUDING the planet! It’s not too late, we CAN still put the wheels on this runaway train in reverse if we band together and fight back! HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY!

One of the running stereotypes about Satanists and even Heathens is that we're supposed to be these aggressive, evil people hell-bent on destruction and this is not true. If anything Satanists and Heathens are the adversaries to the general population because the general population (especially nowadays) is exactly what you see on TV, a mindless cacophony of self-centered and shallow brain dead people who think that what's on the outside is the be-all end-all and that money is everything. They are the ones who are incapable of original thoughts or ideas and rely on whatever the TV or idiot box tells them because they are unable to think for themselves! This is how we ended up with quote-unquote 'reality TV' and celebrity worship. The true Satanist/Heathen is an independent and proactive member of society, we take care of our own and we do what we can to help take care of our communities because we live here too! We are not the antisocial hate-mongering miscreants that Hollywood and the abrahamic faiths claim us to be, many of us are very social and willing to talk at length with just about anyone so as to help reach a new level of understanding and respect.

In fact it is my contention that we are more likely than anyone to look beyond what religion a person follows and treat them as the Human Beings that they are without conditions of needing to convert or worse, leaving them to suffer and possibly die if they don’t! We also don’t take it upon ourselves to set sail to another part of the world, land in a remote location then proceed to tell the locals who have existed there for thousands of years that they’ve been doing it wrong the whole time and that if they don’t convert that they are going to this special place of eternal torture and agony and if they still don’t convert then we will simply just have to kill them! Given what has been done to us, we would have every right to return the favor, instead we choose to move forward while we watch those who tried to eradicate us from Existence fade away despite their lamentations!

We also do not go around claiming to be anything other than Human - our Spirits are multifaceted but we are in form Human - we do not claim to casually work with or summon demons because we know how much ACTUALLY goes into both of those endeavors and they should NEVER be taken lightly nor should such claims EVER be used to validate ones walking this Path because eventually a charlatan will run into one of US and when they do and are unable to perform either of these actions, their already non-existent credibility will be completely shot! We also do not claim to be protected by “guardian demons” because they don’t exist! The truth about that is that no demon anywhere gives a damn about what happens to any human short of drawing up a contract for services and payments for services rendered! Again these contracts are VERY costly and the price you will be required to pay will have NOTHING to do with Human currency! Anyone who claims otherwise is completely full of it and should be forced to perform this activity IMMEDIATELY and in front of everyone in attendance, their refusal or failure to do so only further proves their claims to be fraudulent and deceitful!

We stand in opposition to these ‘storytellers’ because they are a big contributor to the current problems, the problems being the inability to deal with reality and taking responsibility for their actions! This self-righteous attitude DIRECTLY contributes to the consistent internal destruction of the Human race, the raping and pillaging of the Earth which in turn creates cause and effect disasters such as deforestation of hillsides and blasting craters into the Earth that results in erosion and landslides. How so? Because when you have a person who is coming from a bad situation looking for guidance only to come across someone preaching from on high that self-importance and self-indulgence is the way to go, you take an already volatile situation and make it THAT much worse! These people are the textbook definitions of false prophets and serve no purpose other than to make a name for themselves by telling others what they WANT to here and playing and preying on people’s fear and sense of vengeance rather than helping them deal with their past trauma and seeking strength and help from Father so they can get on with their lives!

The Ancient Family did not just Guard and Guide the Human race, nor was it EVER their intention for this planet to ONLY cater to the Human race, they all worked together like Ethereal Parents creating a Home and instilling values in all their Children to ensure that we could stand on our own, this is why we were given Free Will, because they had the Faith in us to get the job done! The truth is that Humans are neither above nor below any aspect of Nature, we are part of the Hoop that makes up the Natural Order overall and as such we need to remember that we are NOT the only ones who live here so if we want others to respect OUR space, then we need to reciprocate that same respect ourselves!

Humans want to keep cutting back the woods to build businesses, apartment buildings, parking lots and whatever else, but then they want to get all upset when big cats, wolves, bears, coyotes and other such wildlife are seen on the streets or hunting in their backyards! Where do these people think wildlife is going to go when their homes and hunting grounds are stolen from them and their food has moved on to other areas or just dies off due to the lack of vegetation? They're not going to just disappear and no one reserves the right to kill anything just because it is living by its instincts and trying to adapt to its new habitat! It is not their fault if their new habitat happens to be your backyard because your backyard used to be their den! Our Father does NOT approve of MURDER regardless of who’s doing the killing or who is being killed and SLAUGHTERING an animal just because it, like us, is trying to survive in this world is UNJUSTIFYABLE! If we can’t walk over to our HUMAN neighbors house, claim it as an addition to our own then shoot them for refusing to leave, then why do Humans think we can treat our Animal brethren with such arrogant disregard?

One of the core values of Satanism and Heathenism is to stand against injustice no matter who the aggressor is or what form it takes even if what is happening does not affect us directly. It is absolutely necessary to do this because directly or indirectly we were put here for a single purpose and that purpose is to protect the Earth and all life forms on it, to keep the Balance so that life and existence may continue unhindered! Also the day will come when we may be in a position where we need help and if we are unwilling to give it to others, to stand with others when their lives and ways of life are threatened, then we have absolutely no business expecting them to stand by us! Being an Adversary does not mean going out and looking for a fight just like being a Warrior does not mean going around challenging people to prove how strong you are; being an Adversary means rising to the occasion and not backing down no matter what; being a Warrior is not about attacking what is in front of you, it is about defending what is behind you!

The Winter Solstice is also coming up, while you are celebrating, however you celebrate it, whether it's with Family and Friends or by yourself please keep in mind that there are several people who are not able to celebrate with either their Family or Friends because they are deployed all over the world standing strong with weapon in hand ready to fight on foreign soil so that the battle does not come to domestic soil! These brave men and women decided that they were more concerned about what happened to the rest of us than what happens to themselves so they enlisted, trained and are now putting themselves in harm’s way so that we don’t have to! Please leave an empty chair, plate and cup/drinking horn and raise a toast to our Fighting Forces to remind everyone that we are able to enjoy this time with relative ease (it is also very stressful for Military Families to enjoy the Holidays especially if they have not been in contact with their deployed loved ones) because someone else has taken it upon themselves to stand at post miles from Home!

Also keep in mind all those who came back stateside and are enduring the most difficult time of the year for themselves due to homelessness, loss of Family and/or Friends either at home or in combat and the mental illnesses including but NOT limited to PTSD that renders them unable to return to Civilian Life. The fact is that MANY of our Veterans come back home and are STILL fighting the war in their own heads, certain noises and visuals can cause psychotic breakdowns that may result in aggression or depression and in the worst case scenarios, suicide. When it comes to our Soldiers, regardless of age or experience, war is hell and regardless of whether we agree with the politics behind it, that they are STILL HUMAN and the things that they are subjected to in a combat zone or ambush or sniper attack has a detrimental effect on their psyches! They need attention, medical care and a place to live, this is the VERY LEAST our government can do for them after all THEY were willing to sacrifice for our government! ALL GAVE SOME, SOME GAVE ALL! RESPECT!

Revered Family we ask also that you watch over the children of the world especially those whose parents are all too ready and willing to sacrifice their own blood via suicide missions, abuse of any and all kinds, selling them for drugs or prostitution etc because they are that messed up in the head! I don’t care what you believe in, if you can justify murdering or exploiting a child you have forfeited your right to exist in any capacity! May all those who would ever use, abuse, or kill a child meet with an even deeper level of apathy and cruelty! May they know all the suffering and more of the child/ren they are harming! May they be met with the same disregard to their lives as they have towards the life/lives of the child/ren they are too willing to end! May the children be freed from whatever viciousness they were forced to endure and may they grow up and put an end to child abuse of ALL kinds for good so that future generations never have to endure what they did!

Blessed Family, this Yuletide please help people remember in the midst of all the revelry that it’s not just about us but about what we can do for other people, especially those who do not have a home or anything to eat! Another Core value of Satanism and Heathenism is to assist those who genuinely need it; we will not enable those who refuse to help themselves but we will aid those who have simply fallen on hard times to get back on their feet! It’s not how we fall, it’s how we land and sometimes we need a hand getting back up on that horse! When we do we can better assist others who may be in the situation we once were and help them to also get on with it, so forth and on!

Most of all we wish to express our deepest gratitude for all that has been done from the Inception of the Multiverse to the Creation of this Layer and all the effort that went into the extensive catalog of life in all its forms! We appreciate not only being a part of it but we also appreciate all that has been given to us so that we may continue, we may have strayed from our deeper spiritual connection however we are working on it, we are striving to reconnect and the evidence is all around even amidst all the violence and corruption! HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY!

“Heathen Heart

The Heathen Heart is no stranger to love, hate or pain,

It beats like a drum under thunderous rain!

They invaded our land and tried to destroy our ways,

Now they are seeing the very end of their days!

They branded us wicked, murderous and evil,

Because we coexist with Nature, a very proud people!

We do what is necessary to take care of our Family,

Sailing, Trading and standing strong against our enemy!

A Heathen is one who will never falter when the going gets rough,

We are Warriors by nature, in all situations we stand stalwart and tough!

There is a method to our madness when engaged in any transgression,

You’d do best to walk away or else we’ll have to teach you a lesson!

We stand strong and fierce we’ll never back down from any battle,

If one wishes to engage they will be met with a mighty Death Rattle!

They thought they could trespass against us and steal our Humanity,

But it is WE who have persevered and reclaimed our Identity!

THE HEATHEN HEART BEATS STRONG AND LIVELY,

WE DON’T NEED PERMISSION TO LIVE OUR LIVES FREE!

SO RISE UP YOU HEATHENS AND SCREAM TO THE SKY,

LET ALL OUR OPPRESSORS HEAR OUR RESOUNDING BATTLE CRY!

DANCE THROUGH THE MADNESS OF CENTURIES SO VIOLENT,

AND LET IT BE KNOWN WE WILL NO LONGER BE SILENT!

WE WILL TAKE BACK WHAT IS OURS BY OUR BIRTHRIGHT,

THEN LEAVE ALL THOSE THIEVES TO DROWN IN THEIR SPITE!

WHEN THE LAST BATTLE SEES THE DOWNFALL OF THEIR POWERS,

WE WILL RETURN HOME AND GLORIOUS VICTORY WILL BE OURS!”

---

“Pagan Prayer

May your cup runneth over

May your plate never be bare!

May you never stray too far

From those you know care!

May you know just enough pain

To truly appreciate pleasure!

May you have genuine success

Finding that which you'll treasure!

May you face every opponent

And never be caught off guard!

For every blow that you receive

May you strike back twice as hard!

May the Darkness of the this night

Be a time for pause and reflection!

May you be granted the most profound insight

To help you move in the right direction!

May the bone-chilling Wind remain outside your door

And the warmth of Heartfire keep loved ones secure!”

---

“Strength In Numbers

On this Full Cold Moon night,

It is quite easy to lose our sight!

Of what is important and what matters,

Especially when our spirits are in tatters!

When this happens we must stand fast together,

It’s the only way to survive the harsh weather!

If the Ancient Family gave up instead of marching forth,

Then all would have been lost right at the source!

So when the Air is freezing us all the way down to the bone,

We must remember always that we are NEVER alone!

The Ancient Family is with us whether far or near,

And our gracious Father is always here!

So strap on your Winter boots and get yourself walking,

Nothing ever gets done just by people talking!

The ultimate reward that is sought by so many,

Is the Honor, Respect and Trust of the Ancient Family!”

ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE!

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In NINHURSAG'S Nomen Nos Fides! AVE NINHURSAG!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In NINHURSAG'S Name We Trust! HAIL NINHURSAG!)

AVÉ IGIGGI!

AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACONIS!

HAIL THE GREAT SERPENT!

HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY!

HPS Meg “Nemesis Nexus” Prentiss

[heironymous-smash]

Polyphasic Sleep

(This info used to be on the front page; moving it over here to clean up a bit and make room for more stuff!  :))

I've been polyphasic for many years now, and back in 2001, I was one of the first people (ok, to the best of my knowledge, actually THE first, which is weird) to write online about sleeping on a polyphasic schedule long-term.  

I've been experimenting with it since, talking with everyone I can about it, helping people through adapting / switching sleep schedules, and have collected a ton of information over the years on my experiences (see the huge list of articles below), as well as organizing it all into a handy and inexpensive book that's still, in its second edition, the first real manual for switching to and living on polyphasic schedules.  Pretty neat, if I do say so myself!

I've helped a lot of people with choosing and adapting to a polyphasic sleep-schedule (it's not easy, especially with the very strict ones — those are rather like switching to a strict diet, only with sleep).  I continue to offer my help as much as I can, through the Slack channel, and by offering private consultations to those who want extra help.  (EDIT: I take breaks from this when my other work is busy, including right now.  If you really need help, reach out and I'll probably help, but I've taken down these links for now because *swizamped*) 

But I'm not interested in building a cult of personality on it.  I also find that I disagree with a lot of what other people — most of whom have not actually slept polyphasically for any length of time — want to conclude about it, especially when they're specifically aiming to sell it or put their name on it.  

(NOTE THO:  When it comes to taking credit for polyphasic sleep…*Most* humans were polyphasic for ages, and much of the world still is — sleeping less at night and napping regularly is "news" to, like, the industrialized modern world and nobody else, lol.  And if anybody gets credit for experimenting with being polyphasic as a modern lifestyle choice, it's the scientist Buckminster Fuller, who died in the 80's and was on Uberman/Dymaxion for at least two consecutive years, documented and seen by doctors, so everybody can just sit / calm down now.  You're not the prophet of this, and neither am I.  :))

THE MAJOR LINKS

The Puredoxyk.com blog archives (or just the polyphasic category) – tons of short articles; use the search function to narrow in on a specific question

How to research polyphasic sleep!  Tips for finding good information

The Book I wrote (Ubersleep: Nap-Based Sleep Schedules and the Polyphasic Lifestyle – use this link to go straight to it (and its five stars, woo!) on Amazon).  It has a ton of info on polyphasic sleep — just like the blog, but organized :) — as well as a complete how-to for planning and adapting to a different sleep schedule.  

The Slack Channel (click the link to sign up) where you can chat with, get advice from, make friends with, and help other adapters and long-term polphasic sleepers.  Come on in!

A way to pay me for personalized help if you need it (but do look at the book first, it's cheaper and has most of the information you probably want :))

WHY IS IT SO GREAT?  WILL IT WORK FOR ME?  (A brief explanation)

Polyphasic (multi-times-per-day) sleep is the one of the top-three best things I've ever stumbled on to improve my life.  (Hacking self-esteem is a close second.)  I've been polyphasic for most of the last decade, and I'll never willingly go back to sleeping in one chunk at night.  (I might be forced to, since being polyphasic requires being able to nap during the day, and there are certainly jobs and circumstances that make that impossible.  I hate those and avoid them at all costs now, though — being well-rested is so important.)  

I'm *much* more rested on my nap-based schedules, and I need half as much sleep as I did before.   Half or less, actually.

Which may sound wild or impossible, but keep in mind two things:

A) Everybody is different, and different things work for different people (at different times in their lives, even).  Some of us love being vegan; others can't abide it.  It's important to recognize that you and everybody else need a sleep schedule and sleep habits that work for you, individually.

B) Polyphasic sleep is common among animals, including almost all primates!  Monophasic sleep became normal for humans in recent centuries.  So it's not even a LITTLE true that monophasic sleep is the "only" healthy way to go for everybody, especially as people's lives change drastically yet again, in post-Internet times.

It's possible to learn new ways to sleep.  We teach babies to be monophasic, remember, and it doesn't kill them.  Switching schedules can make you cranky and tired while you adjust, but at long as you're consistent about it, and the schedule works for you, you *will* adjust to it.  (That part is backed up by some science.)

What isn't possible, I think, is for one schedule to work for everyone.  We each have different sleep needs, but I think we can all agree that whatever they are, it's SO important for each of us to get enough rest!  I DO NOT ADVOCATE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP — which includes being "technically on" an 8-hour-per-night schedule and then not sleeping enough — I'm looking at you, modern person.  The key, the key to *so much* life-improvement, is to be and feel rested.  I am more rested now, on a total of 4 hours' sleep per day, than I ever was trying (and usually failing) to sleep 8 hours per night.  It takes some work, but it's absolutely possible — and if you're intersted in learning more, I can probably help you out.

This website contains a huge amount of info on polyphasic sleep, collected over my years (wow, decades actually) of experimentation with different schedules, and of helping people find and adapt to schedules that work for them.  I've tried to organize it, and been, I think, moderately successful.  :P 

I AM NOT TRYING TO SELL YOU (anyone) ON A SLEEP SCHEDULE.  The only thing I believe in strongly enough to sell it is that everyone has the right to find and sleep on a schedule that works and makes them rested, just like everyone has the right to decide to be vegetarian if they want to and that works for them.  That's important to me.  

ARTICLES TO START WITH

There's a lot on this site, so here's a list I've been keeping of main/major/useful-for-beginners things I've written about polyphasic sleep.  Some of them are pretty old!  But do feel free to leave a comment or shoot me a message anytime, if you have questions.

Here's my Overview on polyphasic sleep, what it is and my history with it. 

Charts of Types of Polyphasic Schedules will teach you the difference between the different known-to-work schedules, as well as some theoretical schedules that seem like they ought to work.

If you're under 18 (or the legal age of majority in your jurisdiction), then please read Polyphasic Sleep & The Age of Majority before deciding whether to try it yet.

The most updated description of my current schedule, and my goals for the ongoing experiment, is here (though I'm not great about updating this often, and you should read the latest posts for the most current information).

Polyphasic Sleep and Sex – because you know you were wondering.  ;)

If you're thinking about becoming polyphasic, definitely read the 10 reasons you should NOT be polyphasic, and Am I Too [X] to Try Polyphasic Sleep too.

Here's an answer to the popular question "Does adapting to polyphasic sleep hurt your performance?"

Read the Six Month & One Year on Everyman posts here — the Six Month one has a really good breakdown of what's different between polyphasic & monophasic lifestyles, as well as the differences from when I did Uberman for the same length of time.

Hibernation: The Agony & The Ecstasy is a post about what it's like to sleep "all night" from a polyphasic perspective; there's also My Week of Monophasic Hell, which is the report of my attempt to "switch back" to regular sleeping.  I went monophasic one more time recently (September 2011) and decided that YOU ALL MUST NEVER LET ME DO THAT AGAIN — see the post titled POLYPHASIC UBER ALLES for that.

If you're adjusting to a polyphasic schedule, you definitely want to read Things you can do to Avoid Oversleeping and Tricks to Avoid Oversleeping.  Also my PSA: These Are NOT Good Ideas While Sleep-Deprived!; and if you're having trouble, read Fantastic Advice for Troubled Polyphasers.

There was, early on, a pretty serious attempt to attack the viability of polyphasic sleep — read about it, and my response to it, in "an attack on polyphasic sleep".  There have been many follow-ups, but this discussion is one of the best, IMO.  (There has been speculation that "a reader" who started this discussion may have actually been Dr. Wozniak, but as there's no proof either way you'll have to judge for yourself.)

The unbearable lightness of falling asleep is a post about napping, which involves a learning curve for most people — if you're in that curve, this post may help you as well:  Can’t Fall Asleep for a nap? Try This.

Some more miscellaneous posts of interest: Some new Polyphasic Questions, answered;  The How and the When (good stuff for polyphasers);  Schedule Hacks – The Five-Hour Swap; Sleep Drugs?; Is “Crazyphasic” the same as “Free-Running Sleep”?

#TranscendentalLogic #Public Blathering

[trendyelle]

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a mature adult treats their body like a trashcan, then you recognise the daily skirmish that is doing whatever the fuck off want while also wanting to have a great body and enormous surface. Lifes hard when you want to get fucked up at Heads Ball but likewise gaze 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did waste the weekend going through mimosas like water and chewing enough food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a new me. A better me. A me who sets actual vitamins and minerals into her system so her scalp doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she ingested last darknes. So heres a register of nutrients you should avoid like an ex-boyfriend slipping into your DMs and foods you should embrace because theyll define your fucking heads. Damn, Ive got bars. DONT: Feed Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even devours canned meat anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird preoccupation with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a ruby-red fucking pennant that this minor was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always boasting about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and causes your person to hold on to water, which is why your look is always puffy or you have pocketed under your eyes that can be seen from seat, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and too be obnoxious on Instagram, eating salmon is a sure space to get better gazing skin. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy paunches. These paunches strengthen cell layers and nourish the skin to deter you ogling fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol exactly because you often do shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre boozing to cleanse your mas are actually certainly fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as hell, specially the dark-green juices which can have up to 50 grams of sugar in them, which is actual sabotage when it comes to having clear scalp. ^ I envisage every fitstagrammer when the catch out they’ve been pumping liquid carbohydrate into their temples bodies DO: Suck A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the hot manager at your gym, protein smoothies can actually be beneficial for your surface. The more you know. Abide away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These types of smoothies are high in healthy paunches and wont leave your surface examining more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I verified entering. Good-for-nothing that savor this good can be anything but destruction on your figure. And since Im not on my interval rn in control of my torso I guess Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar who are capable of pattern this fun event called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your person. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with “the worlds largest” are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy examining. So basically gobbling ice cream is aging you.* gradations into oncoming transaction* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your scalp. So although it is penchants healthy and the whole occasion youll be wishing you two are snacking real chocolate with real flavor at the least your scalp will examine good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick pun. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you too want me to commit homicide the next time person responds all to ministries and departments email chain? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my psyche around because coffee is literally one of the only intellects I get out of bed in the morning, and consequently, the same reasons you get to experience this sparkling temperament. That being said, coffee is a diuretic( phony news Im sure !) which causes your organization to lose ocean and your surface to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you require glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republicans plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of drinking hot lemon ocean know it sounds as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super are you all right. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and throws some much needed support to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the main organ that detoxifies the body and if youre full of toxins boozing on dates that dissolve in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have neat things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally was well received by such lists. Like, is person looking at my bank announcement and be careful to ensure that I waste a large amount of my down time in coffee shops and/ or bagel stores? Because Im seeming genuinely assaulted rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your scalp and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for periods.* prays this is imitation bulletin* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id rather deprived than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the toll we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right kind of carbs probs because it ogles miserable to eat and too because its high in antioxidants which weve installed will not only give you clear/ glowy scalp but likewise engages against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To absolutely no ones bombshell except my own because I refuse to read labels written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my prosperity, soda is poor for you. And just because you booze diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda especially disrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your intestine. Also boozing any sort of soda are actually fuck with your surface. Like, make rosacea, eczema, and acne fuck with your scalp. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Also, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant just suck vodka straight-shooting. I want to have clearer skin , not succumb. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that looks good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my skin. About damn era. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all their own lives problems. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you require clear scalp by the time this weekend’s brunch buns around then chug some of this and profes like its alcohol something you experience drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you rejoice is perhaps fucking up your skin and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not stir the inventory, but thats predominantly because I refused to do any actual research that would prove otherwise. Who says you cant see your own destiny? Listen, if all else flunks and you have no self control dont want to relinquish your prosperity theres always Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-36/