mishalnasir - Tumblr blog

mishalnasir · 5 days

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sirens and mellow lullabies,

candies and mere poison,

i grew up from outside the lines to between the lines and then away from the lines.

#spilled emotions #deep quotes #quotes #sad quotes #aesthetic #heartbreak #inspiration #love quotes #growing up #prose #poetry #english poetry #poetic

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mishalnasir · 5 days

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bipolar and me.

not long ago was i told the beautifully tragic news of my diagnosis that i have learnt that i'ld have to live with for the rest of my life. yes, you've guessed it right from the title of this ranting post. it all sounded like unicorns and butterflies when i diagnosed myself with it because it seemed cool and every other person said they had it too. but once you've been officially diagnosed, its when all the colors fade away and you're just left with a dull prescription that you ought to follow now for the rest of your life. side effects is one thing but knowing you have to be on some sort of medication to act "normal" now is devastating.

on this blog, i might share more of my experience with bipolar and another diagnosis which I'll reveal later. but living with dual diagnosis is not easy.

#bipolar #addiction #bipolar disorder #bipolar 2 #deep quotes #sad quotes #spilled emotions #quotes #aesthetic #inspiration #love quotes #heartbreak #anxienty #mental instability #actually bipolar #anxi4ty

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mishalnasir · 6 months

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Just for the sake of good ol’ times,

I wish we could sit there once more,

Giggles and laughters echoing in the mountains

Everybody is scared but not us

Nothing can tame us

Becsuse we’re together

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mishalnasir · 6 months

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its an irony. I want to leave it all behind but somehow it doesn’t let me let it go away. Somehow it has become a parasite invading and feeding on my brain. They say it’s my mistake. They think I’m a monster. But I swear it’s not me. It’s something inside me.

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mishalnasir · 6 months

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addiction

in another life

i could be a good girl forever

listen to everything they'ld say

be wise, but not clever

i would stay away from cocaine

all the drugs that kept me high

so i could feel my lows

maybe then i could fly

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mishalnasir · 8 months

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My Liberation Notes

What liberated me? What set my soul free?

After all the hours spent at the hospital, listening to tragic things happened to people, being around chaos and running my mind around to find the right treatment -my heart actually felt heavy and my head spin around like a carousel.

I needed my liberation. I always needed a way to let it all out. And why did it have to be a healthy activity anyways? It was about feeling just alright, a little more alive.

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mishalnasir · 8 months

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I looked her right in the eyes today. She looked tired. Not “I worked all day and I’m exhausted” kind of tired. It was “I have’t slept for years” sort of tired.

I pitied her. I felt bad for her. Who was she? She could not even tell because while she was busy trying to forget all the pain, she actually forgot herself.

#quotes #deep quotes #sad quotes #spilled emotions #love #love quotes #inspiration #aesthetic #heartbreak #poemgasm #spilled writing #poetry #wordgasm #loner #poem #spilled ink #words #writers

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mishalnasir · 8 months

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It’s when you know you need a breakthrough but you cannot get off the chains holding you down. It’s almost like drowning, screaming under water because you never learnt to swim. So your body is now at rock bottom and nobody knows. But it’s a life going to waste.

Slow death.

Maybe in years, someone will find a trace of you. But who knows? Cause people move on. Who would want to go back in time?

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mishalnasir · 1 year

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But who will save me once I’ve drowned in my own despair? Who will stand there to cry on my grave when the moment has passed?

You wont be able to hold my hand, 6 feet underneath. I would be gone. Gone forever. Gone for good. I’ld be gone not to come back again. Not be able to walk around the hallways where you met me. Time will pass and the world will end. And that speck of moment will be buried forever. No ashes behind. No scent of human interaction left behind. Everything will vanish.

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mishalnasir · 1 year

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Who am I?

I need to know. I don’t know where to begin looking for myself. My existence is just a soul captured in a body. I have no feelings, no thoughts or ideas. I have no goals. Who am I?

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mishalnasir · 1 year

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I float on the ocean, like a monstera leaf. I neither drown nor I sway. Stagnant. Like time. I move nowhere. I have got a billion thoughts and ideas, but they all vanish in the night. The demons own my body and I become a different person. And the cycle repeats. There’s not a door to be unlocked. I don’t want anyone to save me either. There’s no way out. No way in.

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mishalnasir · 1 year

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Why is it always me standing on this end? All these things I tell myself but I end up being the fool. It’s bizarre how every guy I meet is a shit hole. I have lost hope in love. I don’t know if it exists for a fact or is it just an idea. A foolish idea. Or is it just pretend?

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mishalnasir · 2 years

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Do you not miss me at all? I mean, when you watch the clips of the movie we first watched together, do you not think of the way I laughed? Because I do. I think about your gentle grin way more than I should. Don’t you miss how we held hands and did not want to let go? Was it not the best night of your life too? Because I thought it was. It is.

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mishalnasir · 2 years

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I want to hold your hand one last time. Tell you that I loved you. That I cared. I want to tell you that you gave life to my dead world. For a few days, my dreams were becoming a reality. But then you ghosted me. Does that mean I’m born to be alone? Because I do not deserve love.

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mishalnasir · 2 years

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I’m not only not safe here. I am in danger. There’s a monster standing outside my door and I can’t breathe. My heart is skipping beats and I am unaware of where the sounds are coming from. Where am I?

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mishalnasir · 2 years

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I have tried to hold onto this broken piece of string to pull myself back from death. I have tried to find joy in little things that did not belong to me. But my string broke and my joy was taken away. Here I am, yet again.

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mishalnasir · 2 years

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People are not like books. They are not words covered with wooden binders. You hear the tap water, staring into the void, the sun shines right though your iris. Hear again, The birds chirping near the window, hiding under the shadows. There are sounds everywhere. But none of it makes sense. Nothing is relative. I want out. Whatever is it that I got myself into, I want out. I am not you. I am never going to be you. I am me. I like slow mornings and evenings. I like it slow and tender. But I don’t like it chaotic. So, people are not books. They are not complicated. They are not a story. They are just the actions. We only exist in moments. Each moment, we are a different frequency. A different person. A different entity.

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