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#Alfred Pennyworth Knows
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Catch and Release
Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam
Summary: AU where Jason doesn’t die in the explosion and he and Tim end up attending the same high school months later.
Chapters: 16/?
Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Sebastian Ives, Jack Drake, Janet Drake, Donna Troy
Relationships: TBA
Additional Tag: Jason Todd Lives, Jason Todd-centric, POV Jason Todd, POV First Person, Tim Drake Has Issues, Tim Drake Has Issues, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Jason Todd is Not Robin (Anymore), Bruce Wayne Needs a Hug, Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Alfred Pennyworth Knows, Stalker Tim Drake, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd Has PTSD, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unlikely Friends, Injury Recovery, Emotional Baggage, Rage, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating
Chapter Seventeen: The Campaign: Malatra Pt. 1
Tim slept in his bed one last time while I packed our things. My phone rang, and I answered to keep from waking Tim up. “Hello?” I whispered. 
“Jason, I heard about your friend’s mother—.”
“You don’t have to say anything… Um, Barbara, can I ask you for a favor?” I interrupted. 
“I don’t know. It depends… Is it illegal?” Barbara asked. 
“No. It’s—. I need you to help me get back in fighting shape. I know Bruce won’t change his mind because I can throw a couple of solid punches, but I’ve gotta do this for myself. I need to know I didn’t let the accident beat me,” I explained. I told her as much of the truth as I could. 
“Jason… Wednesday through Friday after school. No excuses,” Barbara replied. I grinned. 
“I’ll be there. I promise,” I whispered, “Thank you. Thank you, Barbara. You’re the best.” Barbara was a tough person to move. She wasn’t emotionally driven or faint of heart. Barbara was sharp and efficient. Practical and poised. She was everything I needed in a teacher. 
“ Yeah, yeah, yeah. See how you feel about me after our first training session. Bye, Jason… And good on you for getting back up. I thought about what I said to you the last time we talked. I was wrong to tell you that you were being childish. If taking this time away from home was good for your mental health, who am I to tell you—?”
“Barbara, I am a kid. I never said I wasn’t. I was pissed off and closed in, and I reacted. I was in a dark place, and I’d be lying if I said I wanted to go home now… I know it’s what I have to do. I’m gonna be mature about it, for Tim’s sake,” I replied, “I’ve gotta finish packing… But, um—. Thank you, Barbara.” 
“Don’t thank me yet, Boy Wonder. See you Wednesday,” Barbara teased. She hung up, and I shook Tim awake. 
He pushed my face away and laughed. “ Uggghhh. Jason, what are you doing?” Tim asked. 
“She’s gonna train me. Wednesday through Friday, so we’ll condition Saturday through Monday,” I replied. Tim grinned. 
“And on Tuesday ?” Tim half-joked. 
“Warlocks and Warriors,” I replied, “And—. Oh, Ives wants to come over tonight. I gave him Bruce’s address and said he could stay the night.” 
“Ives wanted to hang out? Does he—?” 
I nodded. “Ives knows, but I asked him not to mention it… Unless…” I trailed off. Tim shook his head. “Then, he won’t…” I tied labels to Tim’s chargers and tucked them into his suitcase. 
*
We went to the manor at sunset because I knew Bruce wouldn’t be there. Alfred seemed happy to see us again. Ives showed up an hour after we got there, and Alfred served dinner. “Hey, guys… Do you wanna do another campaign here this weekend?” I asked. 
Tim’s eyes widened. “You want to?” Tim questioned. I nodded. 
“That’d be sick,” Ives replied.  
“Cool. Tell the guys Tuesday we’ll hang out here,” I replied. Ives glanced at Tim and looked at his plate when he saw me looking. Tim was oblivious to everything going on in his life because of everything. 
“Jason should DM this one,” Tim suggested. I choked. “Come on. You can do it. I see how deep you get into character. And you’re the only person willing to indulge Hudson. Besides, I think the guys are still mad at me for what happened in Ravenloft.” 
“That was messed up. I can’t believe you killed Ives first and swapped him out with a Doppelganger. That was sick. And Ives… I’m shocked you let him go through with that,” I replied. 
Tim smiled. I reached for my bed to pull myself up, but I felt a shockwave shoot down my back into my legs, and I let go of the mattress. “Jason?” Tim asked. 
“I’m okay… But like—. Are you guys sure you want me to DM?” I questioned. 
“Yeah, definitely,” Ives replied, “You’ve gotta try it at least once. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again, but you should give it a chance. You might be good.” 
*
"In the living forest lands of Malatra, all seems quiet. Suspiciously so. A warm breeze blows, rustling through the canopies overhead. Topiaries of smiling children surround a small fire. It is the only possible sign of life for several miles.  A song breaks through the near-silent forest. It starts low and guttural, like a collective groan, and then the ethereal choral collections of synchronized sobs. It is a song of mourning. A once-distant sound, now building as if it is approaching. The forest's dirt walkways slowly disappear under shrubs and bushes, and it seems like a trick to the eye at first, but no. You see it now. The bushes have feet where roots should be, and finally, a male voice breaks through the grieving chorus," I cleared my throat. "State your business," I bellowed. "He steps forward. A bamboo elf. His hair is a warm brown with the same red undertones of autumn leaves. He keeps his hair in wide and intricate waves and curls. His skin is an olivine green, and his eyes dark brown and ancient, study you. You all recognize this bamboo elf immediately, but before we get into that… you should introduce yourselves." A big, goofy grin spread across Tim's face. Silence fell over my room as I waited for someone to speak.
"You fucking killed it," Hudson mumbled in shock. I covered my smile. "Clay Everlake, earth genasi monk here. I'm stone grey, with bright green hair made of leaves, with the front pulled into a warrior's bun—."
"Man bun penalty!" everyone shouted.
"Is not! Anyway ... It's a warrior's bun, and the rest of my hair hangs leafy down my shoulders. I'm fairly young, rough and tumble, and trouble seems to follow me wherever I go," Hudson answered.
I gestured to Ives. "Eldrid Deepwood, here. I'm a firbolg druid... I uh—. I have bluish-green skin and dark eyes. My hair is whiteish-grey, luscious, and thick, almost mane-like. My ears are floppy... And uh—. And despite my advanced age, I'm a timid sort of fella," Ives stammered in an Irish accent.
I nodded and pointed to Hudman. "Fettar Keephorn. Dwarven rogue, dark beard, dark brown eyes.  My loyalties lie with Clay Everlake... Unfortunately," Hudman muttered in a dry voice. We all laughed. "I'm not much for words."
And Tim. I looked forward to Tim's character because we'd been pretty hush-hush about our plans all week, which meant we had nothing to discuss outside of training. "Posy Moonfall, gnome cleric here. I've got blond shoulder-length hair and grey eyes hidden behind foggy glasses. Well, they're usually quite—. I'm not used to being in the presence of a man of Mr. Deepwood's stature. I'm clumsy, but my intuitive nature makes up for my shortcomings... At least, I think—. Oh gosh. Am I rambling?" Tim replied in a woman's voice. He was surprisingly good at it. I almost forgot my place.
I cleared my throat before continuing. "Clay Everlake, your connection to this bamboo elf is deeply personal. Isn't it?" I asked, nodding at him. I liked Hudson. He always made me laugh and was my favorite of Tim's friends. He also tried to make me feel better about my scars by showing me the dent in his forehead. It wasn't the same, but he genuinely thought it was.
"He raised me. When my family was slaughtered on the outskirts of Malatra, he took me in and raised me. He's a father to me," Hudson answered. Hudson and I locked eyes, and I smiled down at my notes. "I didn't expect to see him under such grim circumstances."
"And Fettar?" I questioned.
"The elf and I… used to date,” Hudman replied. We all laughed.
“Fettar and Theren Everlake dated? You guys were—.” 
“A couple. Yep,” Hudman doubled down.
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allthegothihopgirls · 2 months
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in my head jason ABSOLUTELY hates the rich lifestyle he's been brought into. bruce is very objective and doesn't exactly get why he shouldn't just give the kids money. if they mention wanting something or needing something new, he either just gives them (more than enough) money for it, or asks alfred to get it for them.
and jason hates this because he grew up pretty much needing everything, and he's gone from one extreme the the other. he hates that if bruce even sees that ie: his favourite jeans have some wear around the knees, he's got 5 new pairs on his bed waiting for him the next day.
idk i feel like it's just one of those weird things he feels icky about. i think one of his first moments of rebellion against bruce would be neglecting all the expensive, new things he has in favour of his same old dingy items he's been using since he moved into wayne manor.
this would be completely new to bruce too, because dick was pretty easily adjusted to the whole overwhelming wealth thing. and he just doesn't get why jason's against it.
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violent138 · 6 months
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Bruce, slumped in a chair: "Alfred it's so insane, he just doesn't stop. Yesterday he broke his ankle and he's back in those goddamn pixie boots with 'extra supports' like that fucking does anything-"
Alfred, stirring sedatives into the tea he's making Bruce: "Oh my."
Bruce: "-I just don't know what to do. He needs to take a break, holy shit that much anger can't be good for a child, and don't even get me started on the coping mechanisms Alfred, they're unhinged-"
Alfred, looking up with a tight smile: "You don't say. Sugar, Master Bruce?"
Bruce, dragging a hand down his face: "-and let me tell you, I don't know where he gets his energy because he hasn't slept in two days! Two days! I was impressed when he first got here, but now I'm just concerned-"
Alfred, handing the tea to Bruce: "Understandable, sir. Anyone in your position would be."
Bruce, nearly choking on the tea: "Alfred, Alfred, I'm so dumb--the lack of sleep must be getting to me-- just spike his orange juice with sleep meds. Child doses of Nyquil or something. Yeah, that'll do it."
Alfred, watching Bruce drain the cup: "I couldn't agree with you more."
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frownyalfred · 8 months
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imagine being the random guy running the rigged “hold onto this bar for 100 seconds and win!” game at the Gotham carnival, only for an entire family of strangely fit, beautiful people to come up, try it one by one, and hold on for the entire time — every single one of them, even the grandpa.
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p1nkshield · 5 months
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Jason: What are you making?
Dick: Haute cocoa.
Jason: Hot cocoa?
Dick: No. Haute cocoa. I am making the best, and fanciest cup of hot chocolate in gotham.
Jason: Is that a cup of corn starch? How much milk are you using?
Dick: Equal parts!
Jason:...Equal parts?
Dick: I gotta make it thick somehow! All fancy hot cocoas are thick. Now where is Alfred's homemade vanilla...
Jason: mmkay. ALFRED! DICK IS MAKING NON-NEWTONIAN HOT CHOCOLATE WITH YOUR GOOD VANILLA!
Dick: Shh Shh Shh! No nonono please! Why would you tell him that!
Alfred: Master Dick...
Dick: -hOW DID YOU GET HERE SO FAST!
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theerurishipper · 1 month
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Honestly, I do love Dick as Nightwing and Bruce and Dick's complicated relationship, but sometimes I like the old days when things were sweet and simple you know? When it was just them and Alfred and they all had fun with each other. Like when they blew off boring parties to go on patrol by using Dick's bedtime as an excuse. When Bruce let Dick go off on his own and said he was allowed "a little escapade" and ruffled his hair. When Alfred always brought coffee and "turkey sandwiches with Swiss cheese" to the Batcave while Dick and Bruce happily talked about their nightlife escapades. When Dick would make Bruce laugh regularly.
When they discussed Hamlet while riding in the Batmobile. When Alfred picked Dick up from school and dropped him off on dates and helped him go behind Bruce's back on cases. When Dick and Bruce would play fight with each other. When Dick made Batman's meetings with Gordon "more optimistic." When Bruce was being a helicopter parent and wanting to know why Dick would want to go to a public school. When Dick would sneak off with Clark when Bruce wanted him to stay back to finish his homework, and Clark did it for him before Bruce noticed. When Bruce teased Dick about his failed date, and they talked about it and their love lives. When Bruce apparently told stories about Joker to Dick during rides in the Batmobile. When Dick was actually the one who named the aforementioned Batmobile. When they would banter even in between a serious case. When Dick would cling onto Bruce to annoy him. When Dick was contemplating how alone he felt, and Bruce just showed up to catch him and do a routine on the trapeze with him. When Bruce would call Dick "kiddo." When Dick even called him stuff like "Bruce-ter." When Bruce used to call Dick "chum." I miss those days.
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Yeah a lot of these are from Robin: Year One but that's just because it's the one I remember most. But there's a lot of them just having a good time and it doesn't feel like we see a lot of that anymore.
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bruciemilf · 24 days
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It’d devastate me in a perfect way if the Waynes are famously known for bleeding for Gotham, for fighting for it, for dying for it, for loving it in every terrible way, while the Kanes despise it.
One half fights for a ruined place and the other for its ruination. Imagine Jacob Kane who hates Gotham, hates the Waynes, — because they made this city, and everything bad within it, — SO much, that he only agrees to leave Bruce with Alfred if he can bury Martha outside of Gotham.
Because no Wayne is ever getting to his family. Dead or alive.
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too-much-tma-stuff · 2 months
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Finally Getting Help (prt 8)
Masterpost
The next day was less chaotic but not by much. They had to go through everything they’d taken from the Fenton’s lab, and reluctantly accepted Danny and Jazz’s help with the task because they were familiar with the tech. That was surprisingly needed since all of their gadgets were extremely obtuse and looked like household appliances. It was honestly surprising how good Danny was with all of this stuff, he knew what everything was, how to take it apart and how to put it back together to show the heroes how it worked. 
“They don’t all work for humans. Some have to be fueled with ectoplasm so they need to be constantly refueled. Dad used to wear a backpack full of the stuff ghost busters style but that’s really not practical so this one isn’t very useful to you. I can use it though,” Danny said as he screwed the last part back on the.. Whatever it was. 
“Okay, but why does it look like a blender?” Tim asked, baffled and impressed.
“Oh that’s because that’s what it was built out of,” Danny said with a crooked smile. “We repurposed a lot of household items into tech. Give me a couple toasters and a microwave and I’ll have three specter deflectors ready for you before dinner time.” He said as he pressed his hand against one of the gins and it started glowing intently green.
“Here don’t drop it,” He said tossing it to Batman, who did manage to catch it. “I fueled it with three shots, just in case Vlad shows up or another ghosts threatens you. And actually even with your charms I would feel a lot better if you all had specter deflectors since you’re all involved with me now,” He sighed and rubbed his face. 
“Well… we can get you toasters and a microwave but we can also get you more advanced parts if those will work better,” Bruce told Danny, gingerly holding the odd gun away from himself. It wasn’t a traditional gun so it wasn’t upsetting but he still didn’t like it. 
Danny looked very tempted but he shook his head. “No I’d better do it with what I know, I can get it done faster that way and they work. I’d love to play with some of those more advanced parts though. I’m sure I can come with some fun stuff.” 
Uh oh, Bruce didn’t like that look on Tim’s face, the last thing he needed was more encouragement! But Danny was the child of mad scientists, he would get along perfectly with Tim, Bruce was going to have to keep a close eye on them to make sure they didn’t accidentally make a death ray. 
“You can join me in my lab later,” Tim offered hopefully and Danny glanced up at him with a borderline feral grin. 
“That sounds great, I’m sure you have much better lab safety than my parents. Love engineering, would hate to die a second time.” He said it like a joke, just the way Jason tended to. Jazz laughed, but only to encourage her brother’s coping method, no one else did. 
“Alright, we’ll go to the nearest home appliance store and get you some toasters and microwaves,” Bruce said. 
“Hell ya, I should have been adopted by a rich family years ago,” Danny cackled. Oh dear, he’d been so traumatized yesterday Bruce hadn’t realized he was Feral. Why did this keep happening.
He informed Alfred of Danny’s request and by the time they finished going over the more confusing inventions and left for lunch the appliances were waiting for Danny in the lab that he and Tim would apparently now be sharing. Danny immediately dove on the machinery starting to take them apart with practiced hands. He seemed calm and in his element but Tim stayed to supervise, both just in case something went wrong, and because it was His lab and they hadn’t talked about rules of cohabitation yet.
Bruce left them to it. Alfred had informed him that Jason had arrived and headed straight to the kitchen without saying hello to anyone else. It wasn’t a surprise, he was closest to Alfred, he’s want to help with making dinner, and get the basic scoop from his most trusted family member before having to face anyone else. Bruce knew better than to intrude on that, but God did he want to. 
Regardless of what his children thought Bruce cared deeply for all of them, and he hated that sometimes they doubted it. He wished he was better at telling and showing them, but he’d managed to convince himself it was too late for him to change so he didn’t have to face the years of mistakes and trauma he had endured and inflicted. No matter what what image he tried to project, he was still only human.
He went to his office, but he couldn’t settle to anything, he did a little bit of this, and little bit of that, and just ended up pacing the carpeted floor. He left them alone as long as he could before he gave in and went down to the kitchen.
“Sorry to interrupt, I just needed a cup of coffee,” He said as casually as he could. The looks Alfred and Jason gave him said neither of them actually believed his excuse, which was fair. “It’s good to see you Jaylad, thanks for coming.”
“Well I’m not going to miss out on a new brother am I? You gonna have this one running around in spandex too B?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, it made Bruce wince but it Was progress because he was acknowledging their familial ties. 
“I’m almost two years too late to stop him,” Bruce said regretfully. “It’s been… a lot has happened. I’m sure Alfred caught you up on most of it, but I’d like to talk to you before you meet either of the siblings.”
“Trying to make sure I won’t be a bad influence?” Jason asked and Bruce couldn’t tell if he was joking or accusing. 
“No, nothing like that,” Bruce said, holding up his hands. “I just want to talk.”
Jason hummed skeptically, scrutinizing Bruce before turning back towards Alfred. “What do you think Alfie, can you spare me?”
“I always appreciate your help master Jason, but I can manage on my own,” Alfred assured, sounding amused. 
“Alright, to your office then?” Jason asked, turning back towards Bruce. 
“Or the sitting room, whichever would be more comfortable.”
“Office,” Jason said firmly, this was the distance that he was keeping between them. They worked together now, and Jason cared for his siblings, but he kept them all at arms length. For everyone’s safety really, if they set him off he didn’t want to hurt them, and he didn’t want to be set off either. It always felt like shit. Jason followed Bruce to the office and sprawled in the soft chair across the desk from Bruce’s. He remembered being a kid, sitting properly and nervously in this chair across from Bruce hoping desperately for his approval. How times change.
“I just wanted to talk to you about the new kids” Bruce started and Jason waved him away.
“I’m really not going to corrupt them or anything, I Probably won’t be around enough to make a difference anyway.” Jason said dismissively.
Bruce took a deep breath, controlling his expression and folding his hands on the table. “That’s not it Jaylad, Alfred must have told you that the boy died and came back?” 
Jason tensed and green swirled in his vision, it was the same thing that Bruce had seen in Danny when Zatana asked about Phantom. “Ya he did.” Defensive and insecure.
“It seems like he, and his sister who was sort of a caretaker to him, know a lot more than we do about the effect that that has on a person. To help us take care of Danny she gave us a presentation about it, it… makes a lot of sense. You should probably talk to her and Danny about it really but I just wanted to apologize. 
“I’ve been trying to fix this, fix… you for a long time and I know I’ve been going about it wrong and I’ve been hurting you.”
“You got a new treatment plan in mind, old man?” Jason asked, his arms crossed and Bruce wished that mistrust wasn’t earned. 
“No,” Bruce sighed looking down. “Really Jason I don’t, I know I was wrong. This is something I just didn’t know I didn’t know about,” He hated his own ignorance, he hated to admit it! He was Batman! The way he kept up with other superheroes was always being prepared for everything and knowing more than everyone around him, but he hadn’t even known there was something there to know!
“This isn’t about that, and it’s not about you staying away from the new kids. Exactly the opposite actually, since they know more about this, and Danny might be one of the few people who really understands what it’s like to die and come back like that, I was hoping you’d spend more time here, around them. I think it might help you both.”
“Huh,” Jason sounded, blinking rapidly because that was the most sincere apology he’d gotten from Bruce and he didn’t quite know how to react to it. “Maybe… maybe.” He hadn’t met the new siblings yet after all, maybe they’d hate each other. 
“Can I meet them now?” He asked looking back up at Bruce curiously. 
“Of course, the girl's name is Jasmine Fenton, called Jazz, the boy goes by Danny. Jazz is turning 18 soon, Danny is 16.” 
Right Tim had mentioned that, so Danny was about 3 years younger than him then. That shouldn’t matter too much, and maybe Tim will be right about the sister and can tease Jason about it. He’d been single for a while and wouldn’t mind changing that.
“Of course, I think you should meet Jazz first, she’s protective of Danny and she hasn’t been very involved in all of this. I think she’d feel better being allowed to… vet you first for lack of a better word. Are you okay with that?” Bruce asked Jason politely. 
“Sure, I don’t really care what order I meet them in and… Look Bruce I know I’m mad at you, and I was really hard on Timmy when everything was still raw. But I’m never going to knowingly hurt a kid, or make life harder for them. If I can help them I will,” Jason said sincerely. 
“Jason, the girl is less than a year younger than you. You’re a kid too,” Bruce said sadly. Jason froze for a moment, Yes he was 19, his mind wasn’t fully developed yet or whatever the hell, but he hadn’t felt like a kid since his death. Even before that, the responsibility for his mother, and then the work as a hero. Bruce wanted soldiers, Jason had never gotten a chance to be a kid really.
“Whatever,” Jason scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and standing up, closing himself off from that sincerity. “Do you know where she is?”
“She’s in the library,” Bruce said, his lips twitching up in a smile. “She loves books almost as much as you did, though she seems to be more drawn to non-fiction.” 
Jason hummed and nodded, heading towards the door since he knew his own damn way to the library, Bruce didn’t have to lead! He did follow through, he was clearly protective of these kids so of course he would want to be there when Jason met them.
When he entered the library he saw a young woman sitting at one of the tables with some sort of text book. Her back was straight and her legs tucked under the chair with her ankles crossed. It looked like she was self consciously trying to look put together. She looked up at them, blue green eyes looking him over critically, he could practically see her picking him apart in her mind and he tried not to fidget.
“Hey, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Jason Todd,” He said, walking over and offering her his hand to shake. She was very pretty, but he was surprised by his own complete lack of attraction, she just didn’t register that way, she seemed more… maternal almost.
“Ah, the dead son,” She chuckled, getting up from the table and reaching out to shake his hand, her grip was strong and her hands were soft and cool. “It’s nice to meet you, they mentioned you. Nothing bad,” She added when she saw her face. “And I don’t mean to be rude, I know some people are sensitive about their deaths being mentioned. Danny jokes about it all the time so… I just wanted to let you know that I know, and I accept you.” Jazz said with a warm smile. 
Her easy acceptance caught him off guard and before he could help it he was baring his teeth at her in a snarl, defensive and probing, did she mean it? She grinned sharper bearing sharp fangs at him in a matching sign of… friendly aggression, something inside him settled. He chuckled and took a step back. “Well thanks, nice to meet someone who doesn’t look like they bit a lemon every time I make a death joke.”
“It’s your death, as long as it’s healthy you can own that however comes naturally to you,” Jazz promised, sitting back down at the desk. “I’d love to talk more and get to know you, but we can do that later. You really should meet Danny.”
“You don’t want to come with us,” Bruce broke in, sounding worried. Jason had almost forgotten he was there, he hadn’t realized how… all encompassing the short interaction had been.
“I’ll probably follow,” Jazz said with a shrug, her gaze turning stern as she looked at Bruce. “Remember what I said about never breaking up a fight,” She told him firmly. 
Well if that didn’t make Jason nervous he didn’t know what did. Why would he fight with Danny? Would Danny fight with him? Why? “You really think it’s a good idea for us to meet? Why would we fight?” Jason asked her sharply.
“Of course,” she agreed, her eyes softening as she looked back at him, though her expression remained a little mischievous. “It’ll be good for both of you.”
Next
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celaenaeiln · 9 months
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At the dining table for breakfast
Jason: Heh.
Jason: Hahahaha.
Jason: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bruce: *raising the newspaper up higher*
Alfred: *placidly pouring coffee into Bruce’s mug* Did something interesting happen, Master Jason?
Jason: Alfred, I am about to have the perfect surprise for that bony a-Tim. The perfect surprise for Tim.
Alfred: *putting away the bar of soap he pulled out of nowhere* Is that so? Please do be careful not to make a mess here. The waxing was just done in the dining room.
Jason: No problem, in fact-
Tim: *entering sluggishly*
Jason: In fact…in…fact…Megamind, what are you doing here?
Tim: ……..hm?
Jason: What are you doing here?
Tim: eating??
Jason: You-why are you coming from the right side bathroom-weren’t you going to use the upstairs one on the left?
Tim: oh. Dick was already in it so I decided to use the other one.
Jason: what.
Tim: what.
Jason: No. Hahahahaha. You’re joking…nononono-god, Tim, WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?
Tim: ????????
Jason: You-
Dick’s voice thundering from a floor away: JASON!!!!
Jason: *staring blankly then running forward and smacking Tim on the head* It’s all your fault!
Tim who hasn’t slept or had coffee or know why something he doesn’t know about is his fault: ???? WHAT DID I DO?!
Jason: *running past and leaping out the window* See you later, losers. Bye, Alf.
Disappearing seconds before a blur of wet skin, white towel, and neon pink hair rushes past and follows him out the window.
Tim:
Bruce:
Tim: ……Did you have breakfast yet?
Bruce: …….Hrmgh.
Alfred: *tutting* I just had the floors done. Master Bruce, would you mind redoing them? I’m afraid I must catch the mailman before he gives treats to Titus again. He’s leaving crumbs all over the entrance.
Bruce: What about Ti-
Bruce: *glancing back to see a lone leaf float in and drop slowly to the ground*
Bruce: ………
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zylev-blog · 3 months
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Alfred had a secret. Before he joined the British Special Forces, he had been young and dumb and got a girl pregnant. He didn’t want anything to do with the baby, and left the girl without any contact info.
Thirty years later, Alfred gets a strange letter in the mail. It’s addressed to him. As soon as he picks it up, he gasps as the letter draws blood from his thumb. Right before his eyes, words began to appear on the previously blank paper.
Dear Alfred,
By the time you read this, I will be dead. It’s time to put those old skills of yours to the test, old man.
The note isn’t signed, and Alfred has no idea who even sent it. A usb drive falls into his hand from inside the note, making him even more confused. He was positive that note was flat paper, so how did a usb drive fit inside it? Then again, how does paper purposely draw blood and write in front of him?
On the usb drive he learns everything he needs to know about his son, Danny. Supposedly, the man had also joined the British Special Forces. But Danny quickly learned skills that he didn’t, and had stumbled into a conspiracy far bigger than anything he or Bruce had ever seen.
Alfred had a decision to make, but it wasn’t a hard one. He told Bruce about the letter and the usb drive, and Bruce decided to get involved.
A branch of the government had opened a portal to another dimension and had been kidnapping its inhabitants. Danny had been working for years to stop them with very little success. Seemed like the Justice League had a new mission.
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waywardwonder · 1 year
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You know what the real problem in the batfam is — EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WAS AN ONLY CHILD
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flamingpudding · 11 months
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Part 4 of Ghost Kid in Gotham
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How to catch a baby brother
Richard 'Dick' Greyson had a problem. It wasn't a nuclear level of problem but it also wasn't a paper cut level of problem either. Because apparently he had a baby brother no one in their family but Damien knew about. Granted Damien had confessed that said baby brother was dead and had supposedly died eight years ago.
The explanation that Talia had apparently pulled another Jason was not helpful at all. According to Damien, in response to Tims findings, there was no other way for the twin to be alive other than Talia having preserved his body and then decided after eight years to drop it into the pits. Well lets just say his opinion on that woman if it was already down in the depth it certainly was now.
Which, considering the glowing Lazarus green eyes, could mean that there was now an eight years old child running loose in the Bat Cave with Pit Madness. Not just a simple feral eight years old that looked like perfect B adoption material and so happened to be blood related.
"Guys we need a plan. We can't just let our little teethling run loose."
"Richard, do not refer to my brother as little teethling." Dick only grinned. "Well the little biter needs a nickname and until I find something else fitting its teethling. Or do you have a better suggestion?"
Sweet little Baby Bird was now glowering at him. Oh protective were we, his little brothers definitely were the cutest. He was definitely going to tease sweet little Dami about this later once the first phase of new little brother crisis was over. For now they had to find the little guy first. The Cave wasn't exactly childproof.
"Let's use Jason as bait." Tim suddenly suggested causing the second oldest to grimace. "The little guy apparently likes biting him. We could use that as an advantage."
"Absolutely fucking not." Little Wing disagreed and Dick chuckled in good humor.
"Aw come on Little Wing, this is your chance to make a bond with our new baby before any of us can."
"For once I agree with Todd. Absolutely not, who knows where he has been. I will not have my brother become sick from biting him." He would have cooed at this, if Jason's face change from surprise at the agreement to a purely offended scowl wasn't so funny.
"Okay no biting bait. But we gotta draw out the little guy and calm his Pit Rage." If that feralness the kid displayed had even anything to do with Pit Rage.Considering the glowing eyes though he would think so. Dick eyed Jasons for a moment, he didn't seem to be affected at all nor had he said anything about the Pit being upset or feeling anything strange. So maybe the little guy wasn't suffering to an extrem from it? But he had apparently been brought back by a Lazarus Pit, so the likelihood with their experiences so far was slim.
"Well we gotta find a way to secure the little guy before B comes back or Alfie finds out." Jason mentioned still scowling at Damien. "By the way, I want to be here when you guys tell B about this. I wanna see his face and make fucking sure the little biter won't be turned into another kid soldier."
"Jason." He scowled, this was definitely not the right time for that sort of discussion but he had a point, they needed to find little… what had Damien said his name was? Wait did Damien even tell them the little guy's name? They all had just been using nicknames so far.
"Dami, what's the little teethling's name again?"
"I haven't told you yet." Ah okay so he didn't have a hole in his memory. "It's Danyal, but when we were younger he didn't like the way grandfather and our teachers called his name and insisted on being called informally as Danny."
"Okay right, so we better find little Danny and get everyone together to introduce-"
"Might I ask who this 'little Danny' is, Master Dick?"
He did not scream. But his heart rate shot up with Alfred just appearing behind him like that. Really sometimes Alfred could be as bad as Cass in the ways of sneaking up on people without them knowing.
"Alfred, hey hi what are you doing down here?" He was not nervous, no he wasn't. The way the butler narrowed his eyes at him did definitely not scare him at all, nope.
"I was informed that all of you returned uninjured." Though his eyes narrowed at Jason's hand that got cut earlier and his brother instantly tried to hide it behind his back when he noticed Alfreds eyes on him. "But the four of you, despite having returned to the Cave, have not come up yet. So I was merely checking on you, to make sure nothing was wrong after all."
He gulped. Really there was no way of ever hiding anything from Alfred.
"Jason brought a child to the Cave that we found out is Damien's twin that had died eight years ago but was brought back to life and is now feral and hiding somewhere in the cave."
At least it was Timber that blurred out everything they knew so far.
"His name is Danyal." Baby Bird added and the four of them waited for Alfred's reaction.
"I see. I will go prepare one of the rooms then and inform Master Bruce to return sooner from his meeting with the Justice League then. As well as prepare for a family dinner as soon as possible, I assume. Will my help be needed in finding young Master Danyal?"
"No worries Alfie, I think I have an idea on how to draw out the little shiiii-biter. You made cookies, right?" Jason at the last minute corrected his words because of the look and Dick couldn't help but snicker.
"I indeed did. If my help is not required then I will be on my way."
Giving them all one last look over, the Butler smiled before he turned to leave. Dick, Tim and Jason let out a sigh in relief once Alfred had left again to which Damien only eyed them strangely.
A little while later Jason went to get the cookies and came back with the plate and staring at a green post-it note. "Since when does Alfie stick green post-it notes with cryptic shit on plates?"
"What?" His brother only shrugged offering the note to him. Tim was looking over his shoulder at it and the two stared at the strange writing.
"I think Cass or Steph might be pulling a prank on us? These look just like random squiggles."
"Let's leave this for later and look for the little teethling." He passed the note to Tim, noticing the curiosity in his eyes. Oh boy, he probably should make sure his little brother gets some sleep instead of trying to encrypt whatever was written on that little note all night.
"Now everyone lets take a cookie, resist eating it and go hunt down our little teethling."
Damien narrowed his eyes on him. "I told you to stop calling Danyal that." The little baby bird still took a cookie though and marched away into the bat cave. They had separated wandering through the Bat Cave trying to cover as much ground as possible and by this point Dick was ready to call for Cass to join them, maybe even wake up Duke just so they would finally find the little kid.
That was until a familiar yowl of pain resounded in the Cave. The direction made Dicks stomach sink once he remembered just what was in the Cave in this direction. "Jason!"
Once he arrived there he feared for the worst. Jason avoided the area, because B had placed their Lazarus Pit there and his brother had often said that it was one of the reasons he didn't like coming to the Cave that much anymore let alone into this area of the Cave. To hear his brothers shout of pain from that area couldn't mean anything good.
Well that was until he got to the scene. Dick didn't know how long he stood there frozen but at some point he knew he took out his phone to take some photos of what was happening. Tim was already laughing and Dick was pretty sure that Babs was most likely recording this with one of the many cameras B had in the Cave.
Jason lay with his back on the ground, with one hand his brother was still holding the cookie waving it desperately before Danny's face who was biting down on the other arm sitting on the downed vigilante's chest. Little hands gripping onto the arm in an attempt to make sure no one was taking his chewtoy away from him. Meanwhile Damien was trying to lift the little biter off Jason by holding him with his hands under the kids armpits.
"You little shit! FUCK! Come on, here is the cookie! Take the fucking cookie! OUCH FUCKING HELL! How is he resisting Alfies cookies!"
"Danyal, No! You do not know where Todd was or how dirty he is. Let go of his arm this instant. We do not want you to get sick!"
"Hey!"
This was gold, Dick decided, and would go straight to the black mail as well as family memories folder.
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mikeluciraphgabe · 11 months
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I think we should look into Bruce Wayne’s garden people
He’s rich with a BIG ass property
Someone needs to cut that grass, fix up the flowers, trim a few trees, help the vegetables and fruits not get tangled, make sure the grave-yard doesn’t get overrun with weeds, etc etc
And, well, Alfred is getting a little too old to stay out in the sun that long/doesn’t have time with … other duties
Bruce would loved to, but as both Batman and running WE, he can’t
And his children definitely won’t do that thanks
He has no option but to hire a company
Do they find out he’s Batman purely by making a wrong turn with the mower? Yes. Do they say shit about fuck? Nope. They’re just happy that this tiny ass company that had like 5 people (3 related to the owner) is getting sudden hires/interest by others to actually say anything to anyone about Mr. Wayne and his kids’ activities at nighttime
(Also, points that they just Like It there cuz “WE employees don’t lie. Mr. Wayne is the best employer by far. We even have physical therapy covered if we happened to pull something on the job.”)
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violent138 · 3 months
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Martha, Alfred, Bruce and Clark, and John sitting in the kitchen and trying to have a peaceful conversation, when inhuman screeching from upstairs is followed by a stampede of footsteps, before Dick races down into the kitchen, running frantically, empty water gun in hand. 
"What is going on?" Bruce barks, with absolutely zero effect because Jason is there a second later and tackles him through the net door on the patio. 
Martha's utterly charmed watching Bruce drop the exceedingly polite guest act as he scrambled out to the cold patio to scold the gremlins.
Clark shook his head, as the drill sergeant Batman voice filtered into the house.
Both boys are grinning when they enter, still bickering, utterly unabashed. But they do apologize to Martha and John about the door.
"I'm very sorry about that. I will pay for the door." Bruce says, dropping back into his seat.
"You raised a good one, Alfred," Martha said, patting the butler's hand.
Clark grinned and Bruce frowned, confused.
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frownyalfred · 9 months
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I say “like father, like son” about one slutty Bruce Wayne. You agree. You don’t realize I’m talking about Thomas Wayne AND Alfred Pennyworth, two notable and highly influential sluts in the development of one Bruce Thomas Wayne’s ascendance to the title of intergalactic slut (and menace)
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p1nkshield · 7 months
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Alfred: *walks by the kitchen*
Dick: 🎵my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard🎶 *pouring blueberries, miso, strawberry milk, pebbles and onions into a blender*
Alfred: *gets out spray bottle*
Dick: 🎶and dam- ack! Hey!
Alfred: We. *spray* Established. *spray* That. *spray* You. *spray* Are. *spray* Banned. *spray* Along. *spray* With. *spray* Bruce.
Dick:
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Later
Alfred: Might I, despite my better judgment, inquire why you were adding rocks to the blender?
Dick: you know how there was a dinosaur that swallowed rocks to help with digestion?
Alfred: Please cease your explanation as I have heard enough.
Dick: ok
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