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fukcnoplease · 1 month

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Things always go wrong Pt 4

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3

They had been in a dark tunnel for a long time before the batcar finally slowed down. Signal had been typing at his forearm while it projected something for nearly the entire drive. Dani noticed the light signaling the end of the tunnel and stopped breathing.

The tunnel opened up into a massive cave, covered floor to ceiling in towering stalactites and stalagmites. Everywhere except the road that seemed to float in the middle of it all.

As they went deeper, platforms started to emerge from the walls. Dani stared at the cars, and even a few planes, that sat on the massive shelves. If they had looked smaller she wouldve thought they were toys on display. Eventually they stopped in the center of a massive open room. Was it a room if the walls and ceiling were a cave? And if you could park a car in it and still have massive open space? Maybe this was just a fancy garage.

Storage systems were tucked away on the floating platforms and there was a giant computer system at the other end of the cave. Tucker would have fainted. There was a pang of something from her core, worry maybe. Dani ignored it as she unbuckled Danny and pulled him out of the car, this time letting Signal help. He looked worse, his skin looked gray. Too gray. She was scared too much movement would make it worse.

Dani was exhausted too. She had enough ectoplasm to transform but it had taken a toll on her and she hadnt turned back yet. She wanted to lay down and sleep, maybe punch something, but she kept that to herself. Danny needed her right now.

She tried to maneuver him into a more comfortable position but before she was comfortable she felt Danny be lifted off her. Panicking, she spun and threw a hard punch. Batman grunted and took a few steps back, pulling away from her. With Danny still in his arms.

It was surprising enough that he had stayed standing after taking a punch from Dani but she almost lost it when he moved away with Danny. He was carrying him princess style, which would have been funny if she wasnt so horrified.

“Give him back.” She growled and Batman didnt react.

“I can carry him.” Without waiting for a reply he walked towards what looked like metal cone shaped holes in the wall. Dani leapt for him, this time she really was going to hurt him.

“Wait, you piece of shit! Give him back!” Dani cried as she ran after the big bat. Her vulgarities had the intended effect and Batman turned to look at her, surprised as she leapt at him.

She was fast but just as she got her hands on Danny Batman stepped into the metal cone. Dani was enveloped in bright light and before she could even register what was happening they were in a different metal cone facing into a giant metal room.

She didnt have time to take in her new surroundings before she heard Danny gurgle. He shuddered in Batman's arms and his arms raised to grasp around his chest as he blinked his eyes open. Dani froze when she saw his eyes were entirely green, no iris or pupil, and didnt react in time to stop Danny from thrusting the palm of his hand at Batman’s face. He tumbled out of the man’s arms and landed in a heap on the floor.

He made another gurgling sound and then threw up ectoplasm all over the floor. Dani was by his side in an instant and tried to soothe him. He whipped his hands out at her and she caught his wrists. Dani felt her core scream as she held Danny back from hitting her. Why was he attacking her? This wasnt a normal injured Danny reaction. He shook violently and she whispered whatever she could think of to help calm him down. He was okay, they were safe, they were okay. As the shaking lessened into trembles he started crying, great big drops of green ectoplasm fell from his glowing eyes. Dani dropped his arms and pulled him into a hug. She felt herself spiral. She had no idea what to do. They had no way to get to Frostbite until Danny was better but she had no idea if he WOULD get better. This had never happened before. She hadn't been alive long and it hit her all at once how little she knew.

His core stuttered in a broken rhythm when she tried to harmonize with him and she gripped him tighter. She had a sudden understanding of why Danny had always been so worried about sending her off on her own.

“We need to get him to the medical center.” Batman said and Dani looked up at him. She had forgotten he had been standing there and he was rubbing his jaw where he had been hit. Rage bloomed in her chest and she glared at him. She should kill him for what he had done. That thought alone stuttered her brain into silence.

He hadn't done anything. It wasn't his fault, he didn't know this would happen. She didn't know either. She felt like she didn't know anything at all.

“No. He needs to rest. There isnt anything you can do for him anyways.” She said with venom. Batman stared at her and frowned. This she did know. There was no way they knew anything about ghosts. If they knew they were ghosts there was no way they would have saved them from the GIW. There was no way they had anything that could help them. That could help Danny.

“We can help to the best of our ability. We can give basic first aid and run tests to find out what is wrong. As soon as we know-” Batman said. Dani growled at him and he scowled as he was cut off, straightening his back to look bigger.

“You don't need to know anything. I am telling you that you can't help. What he needs is a bed and to be left alone.” Dani said, anger growing. Batman furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to speak on for a different voice to interject.

“Let them rest.” The interjector said. She was a tall and muscular woman with knee high boots and what looked like an armored bathing suit. Dani scrunched her face at the fashion choices and the glowing yellow lasso at her side. Ignoring those though, she was beautiful. Wavy dark hair and a striking face that was gentle in comparison to her defined muscles.

“Wonder woman.” Batman growled. Dani couldn't tell if he was being threatening or if he was just upset at being interrupted. Dani didn't really care. A part of her, pretty big part, enjoyed watching him be told what to do.

“I understand your concern, Batman, and I sympathize with it. The scene we just saw is concerning but if the information Signal sent us is to be believed then perhaps we should let them rest.” She let Batman take a breath before she turned to Danny and smiled. “Is there anything we could help you with? Your friend seems injured and we would like to help to the best of our abilities.”

Dani stared at her. She didn't really know what to say but she pulled the heaving Danny closer and shook her head.

“I can… I can handle it. He just needs a bed. And to be alone.” she said. Under the maternal gaze of Wonder woman Dani felt tiny, like a small kid who had been found alone. It was jarring to have such a caring and maternal look aimed at her. The woman just nodded at her and motioned for Dani to follow. Batman made his patented ‘hn’ sound and went off in another direction and Dani sat there, frightened and out of her depth. She didn't want to move. She wanted to close her eyes and wake up back in Amity, laughing on Sam’s bed while Danny lost miserably at smash.

“Don't worry, I can show you to an empty guest room and once your friend is settled I can show you around the watchtower.” Wonder Woman said. Dani nodded, she felt numb as she stood up, lifting Danny off the floor with her. He was awkwardly shifted so she was holding his legs and he was bent over one of her shoulders but it worked and she just hoped she didn't have to walk too far. At some point Danny had passed out again and while Dani didn't like it, it was probably more comfortable for him right now.

Thankfully Wonder Woman didn't take her too far down one of the corridors that split off the big room they were just in. She pressed a button on the wall and a door slid into the wall like a sci-fi show. Danny would have loved this place if he was awake to see it. Whatever this place was. Waves of fear suddenly crashed into her as she realized she had no idea where they were. A bunker? A secure facility? Were they even in America anymore?

Dani’s core shuddered and she took a deep breath. She could think about that when she wasn't carrying an unconscious potentially dying Danny.

She walked past Wonder Woman and into the room. There was a bed to the left of the door, a desk at the end of the small room and some American looking outlets but nothing much else. Dani dumped her ‘ambassador’ on to the bed unceremoniously. He grunted and she felt a little bad but she made up for it by tossing the covers over him equally unceremoniously. They could laugh about it when he woke up. Because he would wake up. She would make sure of it.

“Would you like for me to show you around? I can show you where the cafeteria and bathrooms are.” Wonder woman offered, hitting Dani with that disarming maternal smile again. Dani looked between her and Danny before shaking her head. She wasn't going to leave him alone. Not in an unfamiliar, potential government facility with essentially government officials.

“No thank you.” Dani said and Wonder woman gave a heartbreaking look of concern and care and Dani wanted to be swallowed by the earth. “Maybe later?” she said and Wonder woman gave her a gentle smile and nod.

“If you need anything there should always be someone just down the hall.” The woman said, pointing further down the hall and away from the only place in the building that Dani was familiar with. Maybe it was just her but the corridor looked far darker than it did just a few minutes ago but she nodded regardless. Wonder Woman gave one last smile before closing the door.

Dani slid down the side of the bed and onto the floor. She felt like there was so much going on that her brain had just gone blank. Like an overheated computer.

Time passed as she stared at the door and leaned against the metal frame of the bed. She didn't know how much time passed and she didn't really care. She wanted to just sit there for as long as she could. Maybe if she just waited Danny would get better. Or someone would come help them. Maybe Jazz would come storming through that door and she would get a great big hug and it would all be ok.

Something started buzzing and Dani jumped. She felt the vibrations again and she looked at the bed, Danny laying there still and breathing, as the bed vibrated. It took a few too many seconds for Dani to realize it was coming from the backpack still on Danny’s back. Careful she rolled Danny on to his side, facing him away from her, as she unzipped the bag and took out the ringing phone.

Eco-Terrorist was calling. A picture of Sam Manson flipping off the camera filling the screen as the device buzzed. Dani swiped to pick up and Sam’s face popped up. It made Dani jump, though Sam ignored it.

“Dani? Where is Danny? Is he okay? Where are you?” Sam asked, her voice stern but full of worry and Dani almost started crying.

“I-I don't know.” Dani said. She felt her voice wobble and she took a deep breath to center herself. Just like Jazz had taught her. Just like she had so many times before.

“What do you mean? Are you okay?” Sam watched Dani take some more calming breaths and frowned, “Tucker and I just got to Gotham. We are heading to my apartment now. Do you think you can meet us there if I send you the address?” She kept her voice gentle as she asked and Dani wiped her eyes.

“I don't know. We got chased into Gotham and cornered in an alley. Danny… Danny collapsed and I didnt know what to do. Some of the bat people showed up and helped and then batman showed up and then he said he would help and i didnt know what to do and I followed him and I know you aren't supposed to follow strangers, of course I know, I travel all the time! But he took us through a portal or something and Danny freaked out and now I don't know where we are but there was another lady and she helped and-” Dani felt tears on her cheeks but she just kept talking until Sam cut her off.

“Batman took you somewhere?” Sam asked and before Dani could nod she heard Tucker scream: “BATMAN TOOK YOU!?” and she flinched away from the phone. There was a smack and some cursing and Dani could have almost laughed. If it wasn't for the groan and rustle as Danny moved to look at the phone in Dani’s hands.

“Danny?” she whispered but the boy didn’t respond. His eyes weren't all green anymore, now just the irises glowed, but they weren't focusing on anything.

“Is that Danny? Is he alright?” Sam asked over the phone and Danny moved again. His core let out an uneven shudder and he groaned in pain, falling back onto the bed. He was facing Dani now but his eyes were scrunched closed and he was clutching his chest.

“Hello? Is everything ok?” Sam asked, her voice more concerned than it was before and Dani snapped back to the video call, blinking.

“Uhm, I think- I think he hurt his core but I-I dont know how?” Dani said and turned back to watch Danny as he tried to breathe through whatever pain he was dealing with.

“Hey!” Sam called and both of the halfas turned their gaze to the phone, “We can handle that, ok? If you can get him to my apartment we have the resources to help. Can you do that?”

Dani nodded but frowned.

“I can try, but Batman really didn't want to let Danny be. I don't know if I can convince him to let us leave.”

“Is there anyone else you can ask? Can you convince someone else to let you leave?” Sam asked and Dani hummed. There was Wonder Woman and she seemed more than willing to help. There was also whoever was just down the hall but that was a gamble. Maybe if she asked for help finding Wonder Woman? Dani worked through the possibilities in her head and Sam gave a small smile.

“Look, we have to go. I need to call Jazz and update her but if anything changes text me or Tucker and if things go south call me, ok?” Sam said. Dani nodded and Sam waved bye before hanging up. Thoughts and plans raced through Dani’s head as she tried to figure out what to do. She could play up the young child act if the person seemed kind enough or lean into the royalty act if they looked gullible enough. Maybe she could even use the ancient ghost trick if the child act didn't work.

Dani took a deep breath and stood up. Danny needed help fast and spending too much time building up plans, or courage, was not something she could afford. She turned and clicked the button on the wall, the door sliding open.

The hallway stretched to her left and right and looked even darker now that wonder woman wasn't there. Dani took a shaky breath and stepped out. She moved to keep going but glanced back one last time to check on Danny. He had closed his eyes again and his breathing had evened out. She closed the door and hoped no one would try anything while she was gone. He would be fine.

The dark corridor didn't seem as oppressive now that she was actually walking through it but she still rushed. The corridor ended in another open room, this one more of a lounge with couches and seating a few low tables and a giant window for one wall.

A window that opened to the massive expanse of space. Earth a curved globe below her.

Holy shit.

They were in space. They weren't in America. They were on a giant space station. In space. Dani almost choked as she stared into the endless array of stars. Her legs almost gave out as her thoughts crashed into another. They were in space. How would they get home? How would they get to Gotham? How had she not noticed? No wonder Batman had been so confident about the GIW not finding them. How could anyone find them? Danny would be ecstatic. Danny would be heartbroken. He would have no recollection of being in space but he still would have been there.

Dani had never been to space before. Dani had heard of how he had flown up to the edge of the earth's atmosphere when he had had a particularly bad day. He said it had been the most beautiful view he had ever seen.

Dani watched the cool colors of the earth swirl below her and the sparkling blanket of stars beyond that. It was beautiful, and she wondered if Danny would have been able to tell her about the constellations. She wanted to hear him talk again. Bright and excited and way too fast to understand.

“Are you lost?” A voice said and she turned to see a man dressed in blue and red with a big S on his chest. He was big, as big as batman and had a big cape hanging from his shoulders.

“Do you know where Wonder Woman is?” She asked, completely monotone. The man stared at her in surprise.

“No… but I can find her for you. Do you need her for something? Are you ok?” He asked, looking concerned as he approached her. He kind of reminded her of a big bear. Dangerous, sure, but also friend-shaped.

“I… I need to go home?” she said. It wasn't supposed to be a question. The shock of being in space had factory reset Dani’s brain and she felt eerily calm. Her emotions barely registered as she watched the man try and figure out what was going on.

“I see. Do you.. Know why you’re here by any chance?” He asked and Dani nodded solemnly.

“Batman kidnapped me.” She said. Her core hummed in amusement as she watched the man splutter and struggle to find something to say to that.

“Are- Is he- Are you his newest ward?” The caped man asked and Dani stared at him. Now equally confused.

“No?” Dani said, “Sorry, does he normally kidnap kids?”

“What? No! Well, not usually?” The man fumbled to explain and Dani was suddenly struck by how casually Batman had gotten them in his car and dragged them into, not just his cave, but also an entire space station.

“Holy shit,” Dani said, “I'm in a secondary location.”

Helloooo This week has been actually awful so Im sorry if the quality has gone down hill :/ I probably wont be able to post anything for a while because so much has been happening and I havent been able to sit down and write much

But Im gonna do my best ! And I hope you still enjoy!!

#danny phantom #dani phantom #dp x dc fanfic #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #fanfic #batfam #Dani is both 4 and 16 #Bruce has a reputation haha #please dont follow strangers through portals or into cool bat cars #kinda shit #Sam and Tucker showed up!#Danny is out of commission until I say otherwise #for fun #creative writing #long post

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celaenaeiln · 6 months

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What do you think of Slade and Dick’s relationship ok the comics? Dick somewhat killed his first child, was friends with his second and mentored his third so idk about you but I’d feel like Slade would have some pretty twisted feelings towards him by then even without the whole apprenticeship thing

It's weird? I can't really pin it down because Slade and Dick are kinda everything. They're enemies, allies, friends, as well as mentor and student. Dick is the one that Slade is closest to in the entire family. They're so close that Bruce actually called Dick to ask him for information about Slade.

Deathstroke (1991) Issue #7

"Dick--I need information. Tell me about Deathstroke. I remembered you fought against him several times...as well as fighting alongside him recently."

Bruce...do you need that calming tea because you're mad at criminals or because you're mad that Dick had dealings with Deathstroke?

Anyways, after Bruce hangs up on Dick, guess who Dick calls?

Deathstroke (1991) Issue #7

Wintergreen!

Who also lies to Adeline about someone calling Slade because she's mad at him.

Deathstroke (1991) Issue #7

So Dick and Slade have a tight mutual enemies but also friends relationship. And this was after joey died.

After Grant died, Slade was furious at the Titans and hated them for a while

The New Teen Titans (1980) Issue #2

He then uses this hate to plan and trap the Titans into the way of a specialized bomb but the titans escape. Afterwards comes the Judas Contract where he tries to kill all of them but fails.

However between Grant's death and the formation of Nightwing in Judas contract there's a very important scene between Dick and Slade. Even though Slade hates the Titans and blames from for Grant's passing, he still respects Dick an incredible amount. A year after Grant dies, Slade seeks out Dick individually.

Deathstroke (2016) Issue #19

So basically he finds out about Rose and the first thing he does is dump her on Dick. This ties into Dick's comic Renegade era because Dick as Robin has trained Rose when she was a kid in the rights and wrongs and how to be a good person but Slade as usual has the conscience of a goldfish so he changed his mind after he grew a little more separated after Grant's death. He now decided to push Rose into his ways.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #112

Instead of morals, he now wants Dick to teach her skills, tactics, and fighting techniques because even at his maddest moments, Slade has always respected Dick.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #80

The change from Slade asking Dick to teach Rose only his moral to teaching her his everything is a testament to how much Dick has grown from Robin to Nightwing. One of the most formidable villains ever is asking his long time enemy to teach his daughter. That's-there aren't enough words to express the weight of these scenes.

So Slade heavily respects Dick. He actually respects him the most out of the family despite what happened with Grant.

He respects Dick so much he was absolutely furious at Dick that he got himself shot and got amnesia.

How do we know this? It came out against his fight with Batman.

Batman Secret Files Issue #3

Wait, who's the great man that lost everything?

Batman Secret Files Issue #3

"You're going to got try and kidnap somebody you think I care about. So get to it. What do you think you can offer me? Why would I say yes?"

Batman Secret Files Issue #3

HE'S SO MAD THAT JOKER EXPLOITED HIS CARE FOR DICK AND HE'S SUPER MAD AT DICK AND BRUCE FOR HAVING THE JOKER FORCE HIS HAND.

He got himself involved so he could control the damage without seeming like he cares too much because he has a reputation to upkeep.

Slade really cares about Dick.

That's not to say he doesn't hate Dick at times. When Dick turned his daughter away from him, he got so furious he made a society of supervillains just to bomb Bludhaven. His rage was explosive (haha). He even used Damian to get to Dick.

Batman and Robin (2009) Issue #12

Talia gets it.

Batman and Robin (2009) Issue #12

But at this point Dick's just like seriously? screw off.

Batman and Robin (2009) Issue #12

At this point Dick literally doesn't give a shit-he's just so done with everything.

Batman and Robin (2009) Issue #12

Going back to post Grant's death, Slade still kinda sees himself as a mentor or like an older friend to Dick.

After the JL failed to contain Deathstroke, the Titans had to step in and Slade's thoughts about Dick are so funny

Deathstroke (1991) Issue #14

More than hating each other, it's more like Slade is a nuisance to Dick and he really only acts out when he thinks Dick's taken away one of his kids. They have a really long and complex history where their stories are deeply interwoven with each other. Dick has influenced the pivotal moments of Slade's life and Slade has done the same to Dick.

This moment from their team up in the Titans (1999) comic explains their dynamic best

Titans (1999) Issue #10

Dick keeps all of Slade's stuff to study but treats him with a healthy amount of suspicion while still helping him out and being on opposite sides.

Titans (1999) Issue #10

lol

Dick is sort of responsible for Grant's death, yes, but also Dick is Joey's best friend, Rose's second parent, allies with Wintergree, and helped save Adeline. He's involved with Slade's entire family.

Yeah Slade's feelings toward Dick are pretty confusing but I guess you can think of Slade's relationship with him as Slade's hero confidant. He also feels some sort of responsibility over Dick which is weird. Their history is too tight and closely connected for Slade to ever permanently hate Dick but his bouts of rage mainly come from him feeling betrayed by Dick.

Overall, Slade just wants Dick's attention, and Dick for the most part just wants Slade to stop pestering him.

#dick grayson #nightwing #slade wilson #deathstroke #cl anon asks #thanks for the ask!#bruce wayne #batman #dc titans #grant wilson

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comatose--overdose · 2 years

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Ok but what if, after Jason turns back human, something else happens and all the OTHER bats get turned into cats? I feel like Tim would try for some vengeance, and Bruce would just be trying to pick up all his kittens to varying degrees of success (probably a lot of success actually, I feel like he’d be a big kitty)

haHA 😂 if y'all only knew what @natasharomanovofficial and I have been tossing back and forth for 2 months. I already picked out what everyone would look like and now there's like three aus, one where there's magic shenanigans and the batfam and Arrowfam kids ( in this au that’s Roy, Connor, Mia, Emiko (I know she’s Ollie’s sister but she’s young enough to be his kid, so she’s kinda treated as both), and Artemis Crock) all get turned into cats and chaos ensues, one where everyone is just Cat shifters, it's normal, everyone does it (kryptonians are dogs, half kryptonians are foxes, and Starfire is a badass terrifying alien tiger looking thing. The speedsters are cheetahs), and then the cat!Jason au you already know where first Jason and then Roy get turned into cats. I am very open to adding "everyone but Roy and Jason get turned into cats and now they have to deal with it" with an added bonus that they all know firsthand that Jason was full of shit the whole time.

Unfortunately for Timmy tambourine boy, he's a hairless cat, a peterbald, so he's so busy trying to stay clean and warm that he doesn't get to really take an active role in his revenge.... But having to take proper care of a hairless cat is punishment enough in Jason's book, Jesus Christ the GUNK on this fucking goblin. Jay is also forced to be seen in public carrying around a goblin in his hoodie because Tim refused to wear the little sweater Jason got for him online so now here they both are, in the pet store, trying to pick out clothes for THE ugliest little miserable creature Jason has ever seen in his life where everyone can see him and think that it's his cat. That he chose the little bastard. He feels like his reputation is never going to recover from this

As for Bruce, his instincts go absolutely haywire trying to look after all of his kids. He definitely does pick every one of them up by the scruff, though Dick tears him a new one for it. It doesn’t stop him though because he’s stubborn. he just really wants to make sure his kids are clean and nearby, is that really so bad? He also lays on Jason all day and REFUSES to move. Jay wouldn’t allow cuddles as a cat and Now Bruce isn’t giving him the choice XD

[More Cat!Jason here]

#cat!Jason #batfam #batdad #jason todd #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #Cat!Bruce #Cat!Dick #Cat!Tim #batbros #dc comics

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f1inl3ey · 1 year

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SO LIKE HOGWART HOUSES HEADCANONS (I will try my best to ignore all the headcanons that the fandom created, even tho I love them, and stick to canon) Finney- Gryffindor (i swear this would make sense don't eat me up yet) or Ravenclaw. Throughout the whole movie we are lead to believe that Finney just has this fire in him, even when he gets bullied or reprimanded by his abusive father. Gryffindors are brave, stubborn and loyal too, which I think suits Finney just perfect, even tho I hate the "protagonists are always griffindors" stereotypes. We can also compare him to Neville, that was also seen as a 'coward' until he got up there and killed Nagini. He's a Gryffindor I will die on this hill. Griffin- He gives me severe Ravenclaw or Slytherin vibes, I know most people would say slytherin, but I just like him better in Ravenclaw. He was also a loner, wich is normally attributed to Ravenclaw and I like to compare him to Luna (both of them have no friends lmao /j). When he appears to Finney as a way to alert him without using the phone because it can possibly wake up the grabber, big brain. Going for the more fanon side, Ravenclaw have this more unhinged side of them (Luna in the books is such an icon) and I just feels like he loves learning and is very curious towards everything (music, books, bugs/animals).

Robin- Is either gryffindor or hufflepuff, im in doubt. But, I will say hufflepuff, sorry. Always fighting for what he believes right, and protecting people that are important to him (like the bathroom scene), cheering others up and being there for them, always trying his best and not being arrogant/prideful while asking for help (asking Finney to explain mathematics for him). Bruce- Slytherin. It just- he has ambition on him, just look at his reputation 'Golden boy', as public image can be seem as a slytherin characteristic. He also seems very competitive to me ("You almost got me"), and a charmer (that scene where he's smiling at the girls).

Billy- Slytherin, maybe? I'm confused because his canon and fanon personalities are just so distinct lol. He seems calm and collected when he first appear, and while we dind't get to know him much for me he gives me those slytherin vibes. And the thing about him not recognising himself as Billy after death just made me go hmmm. Anyways by some reason he reminds me of Draco when he was all emo about becoming a death eater. His fanon personality is quite dramatic too, slytherin or gryffindor trait haha.

Vance- I. DON'T. KNOW. This man confuses me, and his canon and fanon personalities are just too tangled in my brain for me to know who is who. Weirdly enough, I will say Hufflepuff but not for the normal conventional reasons, just because this house has the motto of "Accepting who doesn't fit/belong tho anywhere else. He seemed quite clever in his short appearance, but sadly his bad temper kinda stole all the attention. Inclining to the more fanon side, I think Ravenclaw is more fit? Don't know

Gwen- Gryffindor. No questions asked. Donna- She gives me slytherin vibes, but who knows? She also reminds me of Cho lol. She seemed quite interested in sports and also didn't seemed to mind Finney's status, however, she only actively talked to him after he escaped the Grabber (for what I recall). Idk Slytherin.

Anyway, sorry for this whole essay. What is your opinion on the matter? Please remember that I tried making these with the little content we got from the movie (the 1 minute screentime Billy, Donna and Griffin got). Just want to know if other people agree <3

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE. ALSO THE DRACO BEIJG EMO ABT BEING A DEATHEATER 💀💀

#the black phone #tbp #vance hopper #bruce yamada #finney blake #robin arellano #griffin stagg #billy showalter #gwen blake #donna the black phone #tbp headcanons

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miizzllaneous7 · 2 years

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Father & Son Moment Idea

I HAD ANOTHER THOUGHT! I need sleep, it’s 2am- FFFFFUUUUUUC- WAIT, IT’S 2AM??? SHIEtT- UHHH Whatever.... I’m a lost cause.

So what if Bruce, in his civvies, meets Red Hood while Jason is out in his Red Hood alias. They're at some sort of charity or organized event at the same time entirely by accident. They both pause, blink, and kinda have that moment reminiscent of the three Spidermen in the same place meme, but they try to be as nonchalant as possible immediately after.

Now Bruce is in his Brucie persona, and he's gotta publicly keep it up. He can already tell this will explode in media coverage later; he's a little stressed and exasperated at the thought of the aftermath of this entire situation. Almost headache-inducing, so Bruce shoves it away to deal with later, focusing more on the problem at hand.

Red Hood has been improving his reputation publically at this point, being more accepted by the police and the people of Gotham. This organized event is taking place in Crime Alley. It's rarer to see someone as insanely rich and famous as Bruce Wayne in Crime Alley; it's also where Red Hood is more well received. (Bruce Wayne, as Bruce Wayne, visits Crime Alley for charities or his own institutions he's set up, like orphanages, you can't change my mind. LOL) They're forced to interact a bit more due to the nature of the event or flat-out customs with these sorts of things. —I don't know, what event is this? No idea; I'll take suggestions to make a more solidified mental image. Okay?—, and it starts to loosen each other up, just the slightest bit as the interactions and proximity goes on unbeknownst to them.

To Jason, it's eerie. In private and especially as Batman, Bruce has never been the same since he came back from the dead, probably even since his death. The grief and subsequent mourning changes a person in a lasting way. He's colder, more distant, less of a parental figure he'd been with him and Dick. Tim, maybe Damian depending on the timeline you want to put this mentally, never got to experience the softness and love Bruce had been capable of. He smiles, talks and even laughs differently. A whiff of what it once was behind closed doors. This Bruce is a ghost of the man he once was, and he'll never be the same. It causes an ache in Jason's chest at the thought because this man is his father, but also, he's decidedly not. It's a part of the source of his frustrations with him.

Sometimes, there are moments that the man he'd been formerly, his father, seeps through. It's gone as quick as it comes.

So it's eerie, seeing Bruce like this. In his Brucie persona. He may not be as close to the Bruce that had once been his Dad, but coupled with the trace of a person Jason so dearly loved— Jason continues to love—. With whom he's been slowly becoming acquainted with again after his return from death, with the haze from Lazarus Pit lifting as time goes on, Brucie, the 'mask' of Bruce Wayne, is probably the closest Jason has ever gotten to what he remembers of his Dad. The warmer man he saw as his parental figure in the best days of his life.

So seeing Bruce in this 'Brucie' mask is so heart-wrenching because even then, he can see through the cracks more intimately than anyone in the room, possibly good. The fraudulent and artificial act can so closely resemble his Dad at times; it's like he's been thrown five years in the past, and he's still that young boy who never died.

So they go on, for appearance's sake.

Brucie has moments of a more genuine Bruce seeping through, Indulging in it as smoothly as he can; whether he does it consciously or not, I don't know, up to interpretation. (I lack decision-making skills :) Life's great! Haha... Ha...) Especially given their tenacious relationship thus far, while slowly improving, it is still a process, a slow one at that. They haven't gotten there 100%. Those moments, however, are probably what Jason sees as remnants of how he remembers his own Dad. This is a small, gentle misunderstanding that hopefully comes across in this mental image. (They both see images of their old selves in one another, and it's dissociating, but they're getting there to reconcile their old and new selves.)

So then, there's a moment as Brucie, and Red Hood start to get along better and more smoothly, finding their own script and rhythm with the ruse—half ruse they've created. Brucie ruffles Red Hood's hair while chuckling a more hardy laugh that's so utterly reminiscent of the man Jason loved as his Dad; he gets lost in that moment.

Now, they're still in public, so as Jason starts to get quite emotional over this, Bruce's laughs trail off as he looks at Jason in surprise, hand still in Jason's hair as he'd been ruffling it, with Jason in a moment of weakness leans into it.

Jason's eyes get wet before he breaks from his stupor as he remembers he's in public, lost in the moment, paralleling their father-son relationship as a child. Jason closes his eyes, thinking, "Shit, this is gonna fuck up my street cred, isn't it?…" and tries to cooly brush it off and go back to what he'd been doing.

Bruce is just flat-out surprised as he realizes perhaps, with time and effort, he may be able to save more of his relationship with Jason than he'd initially thought. So he just continues to low-key Dad him for the rest of the event, taking advantage of the situation as a step forward.

Blah blah blah, I think this would be adorable. Wish I had writing skills, I’d make a one shot or something for it...

Later on, possible headlines the media could make would be "Bruce Wayne fathering the Red Hood??" Or "Batman has some competition in the serial adopting department."

A lot of the public's conspiracies and understanding of the Batfamily is mostly of not all just that, conspiracies; this feeds into the theories or, more popularly, blows up new and different theories, completely throwing out old ones- Secret identities safe, for now. Looool

#bruce and jason #Bruce Wayne #Jason Todd #Bruce Wayne & Jason Todd #Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd #Bruce Wayne headcanons #Jason Todd headcanons #Father/Son Moment #OKAY???#The slash doesn't actually mean ship #it's platonic #father and son #am I making sense?#am I clear?#I hope I am...

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sherenachan · 1 year

Text

Fandoms and Thoughts on Defamation

I'm pretty sure we are all in some kind of fandom at some point of our life. But first, the definition. Fandom is a term of "the state of being a fan of someone or something, especially a very enthusiastic one" (Cambridge Dictionary, 2022).

I won't say that I am a hardcore fan for anything but I am a fan of gaming, and music, and a fan and for some non existence fictional characters.

I like playing quite a few games but the best for me would be Valorant (although that game tilted me almost everytime and I just lost 2 games before writing this). The Valorant community can be considered big since it is one of the mainstream games currently. This game has made me fans of some streamers on Twitch (I love Kyedae and TenZ, they're so cuteee) and also professional competitive Valorant teams (Paper Rex!!!).

Apparently, my Spotify 2022 Wrapped shows that BLACKPINK is the most listened artist for me this year with 6353 minutes. Hmmm... Well, it's true. I'm a a proud BLINK! I LOVEE "How You Like That", "Shut Down" and "Pink Venom". Their songs just makes me high.

One of the many fictional characters (because why fan for one when you can fan for more characters HAHA) that I am in love with (not literally) is Bruce Wayne, a.k.a. Batman (he's just too cool 😭). I do not want to continue babbling about this so let's just move on to the next part.

There's always something that we like and also dislike. Some of us like to keep it to ourselves, some of us like to voice them out. Same thing goes to fans and some fans may take things to the next level on social media, to defame the opponents or vice versa, and it is scary, particularly in the K-Pop industry. Defending is a different thing but defaming is real bad.

I've come across YouTube shorts that has an opening or caption, that I personally think that is trying to bring down a group or idol's reputation, such as "Kpop Idols THAT ARE "CRINGE"" or "these are the worst kpop songs of 2022" and these titles are often misleading because sometimes the content has nothing to do with the title. Another example is sexual assaults claims on the Internet. Yes, I know, some of them are true, but there are also a number of innocent people that are accused of doing so. For example, in 2017, a member of NU'EST W was accused of sexually a person in the community back in 2009 by exposing him in an online community but was later then proven innocent through investigation (Lim, 2018). If accusing someone for something that was not done, was it done for attention? Maybe? We never know.

Conclusion, we all have our own likes and dislikes, but if you dislike something, maybe keeping it to yourself would be better in this case. We all are part of different fandoms, let's respect all fandoms and make the world a better place for any fans regardless of their fandoms ♡

Reference:

Fandom (2022) Cambridge Dictionary. Available at: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/fandom (Accessed: December 9, 2022).

Lim, J. (2018) NU'EST's Baekho acquitted of sexual assault charges, Soompi. Soompi. Available at: https://www.soompi.com/article/1156273wpp/nuests-baekho-acquitted-sexual-assault-charges (Accessed: December 9, 2022).

#mda20009 #week9

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unpretty · 3 years

Text

astielle ch 28 spoiler ask dump~~

anonymous asked:

Tauril-form is puberty, because that's when his voice changes. Abysscale-form is college-age because that's when he goes to his first orgy.

anonymous asked:

You called Abysscale-form college-age (which does not preclude teenage sexscapades given the ages that go to college) and that tracks with how I think of Tauril-form as going through puberty (because of the voice-change). But if Tauril is the horny teenager that's kind of sad. Because as Minnow has pointed out many times That Dick Will Kill.

not each other, it won't!! although i imagine taurils sleeping with each other would have the bro-iest vibe. very bill and ted. taurils also have Options with people who aren't giant bull centaurs, it's just awkward is all. fortunately for everyone taurils are actually adults and are not full of hormones, they just have zero impulse control and when they like someone they want to impress them and spend time with them and it doesn't necessarily occur to them to get their dicks involved in the situation (karzarul's mind was elsewhere the first time he was a tauril)

anonymous asked:

When Violet said monsters make the best mercenaries and throw the best parties I didn't think about it, but the fact that all the impyrs came into being with swordsmanship skills equal to Lynette probably had something to do with the former. Even if ten isn't that many, THEY COME BACK. (Eventually. In, like, a month.) And the others probably learned from Lynette, even if they died. Lynette's unintentional teaching, back again.

they learned from the best murdering them repeatedly

anonymous asked:

When Ari is repopulating, and he skips Black Drakonis, he says "Makes sense." But he's surprised when Violet points out that Black Drakonis is missing, so it sounds like he at least had a theory/assumption at the time for why she was skipped, but it doesn't match with the new information.

he initially just assumed that black drakonis had managed to avoid being killed the whole time, which made sense because she's a big dragon and she can just fly away if someone is trying to murder her. but generally if a bigass monster is alive someone is going to see it, especially her, because she likes finding population centers to try to guard.

anonymous asked:

"It also occurred to him that trying to get Minnow to act like she lived in a society since they were young may have negatively impacted his sense of what constituted an acceptable thing to say to a person while his dick was out." Is just HILARIOUS.

anonymous asked:

Honestly I can relate to Leonas cause just last week I was like 'I keep falling asleep in class maybe I should develop a caffeine addiction' and one of my friends was like 'pls eat more food' so I started to actually have breakfast and an after work snack and I magically stopped falling asleep in class

anonymous asked:

Minnow's hips don't lie, but castle ruins are strangely deceptive.

everyone who wasn't following along when astielleblogging intersected with kink taxonomy hell is going to be so confused if/when minnow finally gets stuck somewhere

@9ofspades asked:

Ari is my favorite again and I want him to have actual eternity to be happy with his poly soulmate throuple together. And also his big monster family. Also I think he's wrong about what the core of the Heir and Hero are - both of them have, deep in the core of their souls, the fact that they are Monsterfuckers.

for the record i have a post in my drafts with all of your readalong asks and i still haven't decided what to do with them but i enjoyed them IMMENSELY

anonymous asked:

>looking for food >ask the cook if their food is earthy or wet >she doesn't understand >pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is earthy and what is wet >she laughs and says "it's good food sir" >buy some food >its wet

@ivylaughed asked:

I love the tumblr meme references in Astielle. The guards bringing their own knives; there being an infinite variety of brassica oleracea; the fucking chocolate guy. I'm half-waiting for a children's hospital/color theory reference. Thank you for the easter eggs.

i'm glad someone read 'chocolate birdhouse' and immediately thought THAT FUCKING CHOCOLATE GUY AGAIN ashjasd

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to say that as a plant nerd and forager I deeply appreciated Minnow's surprisingly accurate botany lesson.

unfortunately all the books that leonas gave minnow are still at her house and so she cannot cite sources for the existence of hemlock, queen anne's lace, and giant hogweed

anonymous asked:

“I think you overestimate people’s willingness to admit when things don’t make sense to them," lmao Minnow has a point

will the two men she is with learn from this and start admitting when they don't know things they think they should and are confused? absolutely not.

anonymous asked:

XD Ari hears "Kavid" and immediately attempts a strategic retreat.

anonymous asked:

“‘you should get dressed’ is a complete sentence.” Is making me laugh.

it's probably for the best because if he actually had known all three of them were out there it would have taken him like an hour to get ready and he would have had at least one breakdown about how none of his outfits were good enough and it was all nari's fault

anonymous asked:

Kavid: I will be happy to HAVE YOU ALL *lascivious eyebrow wiggle* at my earliest convenience.

anonymous asked:

"he gets smaller" "in this weather who doesn't?" KITTY PLZZZ

anonymous asked:

I can't decide whether I love or hate Kavid - I have a very Specific idea in mind for his voice, though I admittedly can't figure out where I'm pulling it from. He is an Excellent character though. Lovely chapter as always :D

anonymous asked:

Before, I was entertained by Kavid. Now I love him.

anonymous asked:

Kitty, Kraven and Kavid have similar speech patterns on purpose, right??? Right?????

i was honestly imagining some kind of nonsense faux-european what-country-is-this-even-from hollywood accent but imagining that he has sounded extremely russian this whole time is extremely funny

@rose-and-bones asked:

SHE HAS A TYPE aghfgstjs

minnow having a thing for obnoxiously pretty men who think they're great aka self-recognition through the other (horny)

@speakingintothevoid asked:

“You are,” Leonas said, “an egotistical, self-important fop.” “Ye-e-es,” Kavid said without shame. “She has a type, does Starlight.” I! LOVE!! IT!!! Makes me almost think of Violet and Karzarul - our point of view character being faced with a version of themselves who are more comfortable in their own skin and our boys not knowing why that annoys them

@keleviel asked:

I rescind my earlier mild disdain, Kavid is great. Is he actually The Greatest Of Bards, or is that just more showmanship?

he rocks about as hard as you can rock on a lyre, which is probably harder than you'd think (especially if you brought a lot of drummers) (which he does)

anonymous asked:

Jakshahshsh every time a new astielle chapter comes out i read it at least twice. Kavid i love you. Leonas i love you also you fucked up lil man. And karzarul the seat. And minnow the mischievous. and just. poor nari. existing in the same world as minnow and her all-powerful boyfriends and also kavid. nari needs a raise

she really does

anonymous asked:

Bruce in Office Meeting and Leonas grabbing the wine when Kavid starts talking about Imperials solidarity.

anonymous asked:

"You would like to compare notes?""Always." Brilliant. Leonas to a t. Loving this interlude with kavid. Snuggly tipsy leonas is a treat. kavids talk of how the weather makes all of us smaller had me cackling. Also this batshit imperial conspiracy is gr8

anonymous asked:

I am suddenly much less comfortable about Leonas performing medical experiments on Minnow, though no fault of his own. :(

@mooseman13579 asked:

Leonas finding out about the weird sun empire truther stuff: haha I'm in danger

the real unanswered question is how much of this is news and how much of it is stuff he already knew and assumed was normal

@thegayknee asked:

Holy shit this is it, isnt it. This is how they fix karzarul's reputation and expose Leland. With the power of Kavid

anonymous asked:

Karzarul's Questlog: "Work on our Image" updated, The Tale of Hollow Monsters delivered to bard.

anonymous asked:

just how many of her lovers is minnow going to recruit into her questing party

she should probably be swapping people out to keep their levels consistent but instead she just keeps karzarul and leonas as her companions for every single quest

@flying-butter asked:

"Details! I need details!" "The king sucks." This is every conversation with any of the trio. Minnow likely knows how to complete half of Ari's quests and Leonas the other half, but no one talks about anything without prompting.

minnow just assumes that everyone knows what she knows because she can't possibly be the brains of the operation and meanwhile karzarul and leonas are both busy having shame

anonymous asked:

i was so excited for the lore drop but the moment Leonas sat in Karzarul's lap my brain just shut off

@themaidenisdeath asked:

oh yes, as we all know, "all business" and "taciturn" are the first words that come to mind when we think of Minnow. It reminded me of when she met Karzarul and he told her she was particularly chatty for hero. Sorry Kavid, you're just neither a Sweet, Considerate Monster with a Dick of Steel And Tentacles To Match™ nor a Twink Prince With Silky Hair, Dom Tendencies And Weird Dietary Beliefs™

@halfdeadfriedrice asked:

"what Hero business?" / "I'm the Hero. All my business is Hero business." You tell em Minnow! And then it turns out to be Quest relevant after all; all business is Hero business Also kavid's last night's makeup and messy convertible couch covered in laundry with half-empty wine bottles on the floor is THEE most visually resonant, I feel like I am visiting a college friend

leonas got very lucky that there weren't any cigarette butts floating in that wine because in his mood he might have just drank it anyway

#original #astielleblogging #writeblogging #astielle spoilers

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ellana-ravenwood · 4 years

Text

Can the Batman get flustered ? - Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : Batman has a reputation of always being impassive. Of being very in control of his emotions. But of course, you being his wife, you know his secrets and weak spots... And apparently, sending him dirty texts while you guys are in public definitely works very well to fluster him /Drabble-Minific.

You know that Tik Tok trend where people send a dirty text to their s/o while they’re in public ? I don’t know why I find it so funny and all, but today during my lunch break I was scrolling through the app and fell on a few of those and...boom. This story was born haha. Written in half an hour while I was eating pasta, I hope you’ll like it nonetheless :

TW : SLIGHTLY Nsfw. I mean. The subject itself is “dirty texts” so ya know haha. No actual texts will be shown, but insinuation will.

My master list : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

******

Not amused.

One. Two. Three. Fo-

Here it goes.

He hears the little “beep” of his phone, notifying him that he just received a text.

Not any text though.

A text from a family member. It was a very specific “beep”, for when one of his kids, you, or Alfred were sending him a text.

You’re a little disappointed he changed the alert sound back to that boring “beep” it has always been.

You rather liked, when Jason pranked him and instead put a recording of himself saying “dingityding motherfucker, ya got a message from one of us”.

It wasn’t very tasteful for sure, and yeah, you probably shouldn’t’ve found it so funny...But solely for the face your husband and the people he was talking to made, it was all worth it.

So what if you were nodding along to Bruce’s sermon as he was scolding your son, while simultaneously, when your husband wasn’t looking, giving two thumbs up to Jason ?

Anyway. Here was the family “beep”. And here it goes.

A smile to the people he was talking to meaning : “Apologies, I have to take this.” as he takes his phone out of his pocket.

Not that it surprised anyone. He was Bruce Wayne, a busy billionaire who owned multiple enterprises and who was constantly on the move to something new. His phone ringing wasn’t exactly something special.

Him answering during a conversation wasn’t either.

Not only did he have the reputation of being a rather busy bee, but he was also known as quite a protective father. His children were not present at the gala that night, meaning any calls or texts could be an emergency from them.

Of course, nobody even suspected himbo Bruce Wayne to be the scary Batman, so no one could quite understand how worried Bruce could get about his kids. Yet Bruce Wayne has been a family man long enough by then for everyone to know he was a “doting father”.

The fact he always protected them from too much media coverage, or how angry he would get when someone would be a little too chummy with them purely by interest...

You always found it sweet.

That he cared so much about his family that even those not knowing him at all, even those only seeing his “Brucie Wayne” persona (minus the Playboy side he gave up long ago when deciding to make it official with you) noticed.

Of course, you knew he wasn’t always the perfect father. Or husband. But the fact he always tried so hard, and no matter what, always cared so much (maybe even too much ?) made everything worth it.

Ah, but today wasn’t about how sometimes, it was a little difficult to be Batman’s wife.

Today, it was about how fun it could actually be.

Like right now, as he excused himself and took his phone out to see what the text he just received said.

He was reading it now. And suddenly...

His eyes widened, his face turned a light shade of red, he hurriedly hid his phone’s screen, and cough a little to hide how hot he suddenly felt.

“Are you alright, Bruce ?”

One of the man he was talking to asked, and with an awkward smile (very unlike him), he answered :

“Yes, yes everything is ok. Haha. The um, the children.”

The man nods, and says something like : “Aaah children, never cease to worry us right ?” and Bruce chuckles. Of this utterly fake chuckle only you knew was fake.

His real laugh sounded nothing like that.

A few more seconds pass, before Bruce excuses himself, saying he has to go check something, and...Finally.

Finally, his eyes are searching for you.

Finding you easily amongst everyone else.

His slight frown, his rosy cheeks who would stay this color for a little while still, and the way he walked towards you with incredible resolve...How adorable.

“I bet you find this funny, mm ?”

“No idea what you’re talking about, dear.”

Your small smile is infuriating. And oh, oh how Bruce wished he didn’t love it as much as he did. Oh how he wished he could actually be mad at you for sending him such a thing, in such a public place.

“You need to stop doing that.”

“Doing what, exactly ?”

“Sending me -he lowers his voice and continues- sending me those, things.”

“Things ?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

You smile at him, coyly. But he can see the mischievous spark in your eyes. And he scoffs, frustrated that you always seem to easily get to him.

Nobody does that. Only you.

Sure, his kids will sometimes get under his skin just for the sake of it. Or could have rather hurtful words if they weren’t feeling well. But he was always able to control his emotions in those cases.

The Batman was always so impassive. He always looked so in control of his emotions. And Bruce worked for years and years to achieve this. To be able to hide it all deep within him, to pretend he’s not feeling anything, and stay neutral.

But you...You always burned through his very being. Wether it was because you smiled at him, or send him a rather dirty text in the middle of a crowded charity ball, as he was talking to some of the most powerful people in Gotham.

Oh. Oh this was a treat. A flustered Bruce. It wasn’t often, you could get him like that. And it was such a treat.

He can see you’re enjoying this. And passed the initial shock of you telling him such dirty things in your texts, he can see how funny and rather sexy this entire thing could be.

If only, if only he could control his emotions when around you.

But he can’t. He can’t because he loves you too much. And because you know exactly how to play him (to be fair, he also knew exactly how to play you, and could drive YOU crazy if he wanted to, too...each had a turn, you guess).

He bites the inside of his lips, as he usually does when he’s slightly amused, yet a bit annoyed. Yes. That was a mood that was fairly frequent with Bruce. Especially when it came to you.

You always knew exactly which buttons to push to rile him up, to fluster him, to exasperate him to no end, too.

And when he bit the inside of his lips, it was when he felt a mix of amusement, and annoyance.

To be honest, that was exactly what you were looking for to get out of him.

And sending him a dirty text in public always worked. You loved, the flustered way he reacted. The flushed cheeks, the blabbering and how it took him a little bit to regain countenance while usually it’d only take him a few seconds to hide his feelings.

You smile at him again, happy you still have any effect on him and...

Ah. And there it was. Passed the initial shock of receiving such a text, and the slight annoyance at you trying to fluster him...the smile. A genuine and soft smile. One only always directed at you. One that showed you, and everyone around, just how much Bruce Wayne loved you.

He throws an arm around your waist, and says :

“So. Should we get out of here ?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Another smile. Genuine. Making everything worth it.

The hardships, but also this sort of simple moments.

When Bruce Wayne could act like a “normal” man, and get flustered as his wife send him sexy texts while they were in public, and very crowded places.

Bruce smiles at you. Genuinely. Yes. You could always get to him. And, frankly, even if he loved to complain about it...He wouldn’t have it any other way.

And now ? Now he was definitely ready to go try out what you suggested in that god forsaken text.

Why do you chose such moment do to this ?!

One. Two. Three. Fo-

Like clockwork.

He was in an important business meeting, but everyone here recognized that special “beep”, the one Jason oh so loved to change up to ridiculous things.

It was even worst lately, as he started a “game” with his siblings : “Whoever can get their hands on dad’s phone and replace all his notification sounds with something stupid, wins”. Needless to say, your children’s competitive side was driving your husband crazy.

It was rather funny, to watch him, each mornings as he was getting ready to leave for work, getting slightly unnerved as he made sure his alarms hadn’t been changed (your children could be sooooo sneaky).

Tim won, when he slyly and sneakily replaced the “beep” with...that same “beep” a few times, as to not make his father suspicious, only for, after the third “beep”, the phone screaming the main theme from the “Barbie : Thumbelina” movie. Damn.

Your kids were geniuses.

It was hilarious, to see your husband’s face suddenly turning pale.

Ah but your children, all genius that they were, were still amateurs.

They couldn’t get him to feel as mortified as you could, when you pulled this particular little trick on him...

Annoying him ? Making him feel embarrassed for a few seconds ? Exasperating him to no end ? That, they were always good at. But he would always regain his countenance fast.

But what you did ? Haha. Aaah it would stay on his mind for long after the event, and would most definitely...Fluster him.

Flustered.

Not a state the great Bruce Wayne was in often.

And most of the time, you were the source of the “flustering”.

Like right now, as he was in an important meeting, and heard his phone “beep”.

The “family beep”.

Unfortunately for him, it was one of “those texts”. That you just send because well, maybe you were a little evil ? Maybe you liked, to fluster him when he was in public ? To show people he was actually human ?

He looked at his phone, straightened up in his chair and...Of course, he guessed that you must be around.

And there you were indeed. Right outside the room.

He quickly glanced at you through the glass walls of the conference room.

You saw him readjust his pants, and you knew you definitely got to him today. But his reaction wasn’t that grand. Maybe he had um...A little “pants being too tight” problem, but it was clear he could easily hide it. And he got hold of his face rather fast.

Still, it was very entertaining, how clearly bothered he was. How unable to focus on the meeting he was. Only you though, who knew him better than anyone else, would notice the shift in his behavior.

It wasn’t enough, though. And he wasn’t looking at you anymore. That wouldn’t do.

You decided to give him the coup de grace and slipped to the restroom to um...Take a nice picture of yourself, let’s say that.

You went back to wait outside the conference room, where you’d have a GREAT view of him. And of his reaction. That was certainly going to be...Something.

“Beep”. The family “beep”.

It’s uncanny, how Bruce never suspects you’re going to trick him TWICE in a row. He should though. You often do it.

Ah but his fatherly instincts always get the best of him, and when he hears that specific “beep”, he can’t stop but look. In case anyone needs him.

He should really find a “beep” just for you, shouldn’t he ? Then again, even then, even with the knowledge that you LOVE to send him dirty text while he’s in public, he’d still jump on the notification. Just in case something happened, you know ?

Nothing happened today. Well. Except for your little restroom trip.

He barely takes a look at the photo you send him, that his eyes widen, he spits the drink he was taking all over the papers in front of him, and he slams his phone screen first on the table (shattering it in the process).

“Um...are you okay, mister Wayne ?”

His associates and employees are concerned. For good reasons. And Bruce hastily tries to dry his paperwork, and apologize saying it’s nothing, that they’re all doing a great job and to continue, please.

They do. Writing this incident off as yet another one of their boss’ eccentricities (as far as they were concerned, there were lots of them).

And you are LIVING. It’s always nice, you can get such reaction out of him.

He looks at you again. And as the meeting went on, for ten more excruciating minutes, he kept looking at you, although he tried really hard to focus on what was being said.

Oh well. He’d ask Lucious for a recap.

His eyes also kept going to his shattered phone, playing that photo over and over in his head...Finally, the meeting was over, and he rushed out.

No one was surprised, they all saw you waiting patiently (haha) outside. They all liked “Mrs. Wayne”, you were nice, and always lifted their boss’ spirit.

And they knew that when you were around, it was usually to pick him up. So yes. It wasn’t a surprised when he hastily said goodbye, and went to you.

“You need to stop doing that !”

You don’t even bother answering, smiling at him in a mischievous almost evil way. And you kiss him on the lips. A simple, very chaste peck. That light his heart on fire.

It’s crazy, the effect you have on him. No matter how much he tries to keep himself in check. Of course, he has the same effect on you. And to be honest, he flusters you much more than you fluster him.

After all, rare are the perfect occasions to send him dirty texts in moments that will fluster him. If you did it in any other time, he’d just smile and immediately go to you. Or answer with an equally heated text (when he was away, sexting was totally a thing).

More often than not, he was the one in control. Oh but when you could get to him...When you could get to him, you REALLY got to him. And if anyone else would notice how truly flustered he got, they wouldn’t recognize him.

But you knew him. You knew how sweet and soft he could be. How many people had the wrong ideas of him. And how adorable it was, when you got him all hot and bothered in that way.

How, no matter how much he tried, you always got to him, during those moments. And how much it meant.

How much it meant.

It meant that you were his only one. That nobody understood him more than you. And that honestly, no matter how annoyed, flustered and such he would get...he was just always feeling a little happy nonetheless.

Yes.

It meant a lot, that you knew him that well. And that only you, with a few well placed words, could fluster him so.

In the Watchtower.

This was rather dangerous.

Which added even more spices to everything.

Not that usually, it wasn’t “dangerous”. So far, you did it to him while he was in a meeting, at a gala, not far from many paparazzis...

There had always been a sort of danger, to you sending this kind of texts to him while in public.

But today...Ah today there was even more.

Because today, you guys were in the Justice League’s watchtower.

And there were MANY people, in that place, that could easily take a peak at what Bruce had on his phone. And that would NEVER leave it down that the Batman was receiving such filth from his wife.

That’s why you did it. And also because that very same morning, Bruce had been a little too grumpy and unpleasant, and you wanted to take a little revenge on him.

It was rare, really, that he would be a jerk to you or his kids nowadays. But sometimes. Just sometimes...Well. He wasn’t a perfect being. He had many flaws. And he could be a bit of a dick, at times. Even to you and your children.

Hence, the well deserved little revenge you were about to get (not that you really needed a reason to want him flustered...but here, with all your superhero friends, it was a particular treat).

One. Two. Three. Fo-

“Beep”. The specific family one.

Batman was sitting at the tip of the meeting table. You were sitting a few seat from him, a wide evil grin already plastered on your face. And all your best friends were around the table, discussing plans to secure Earth a little more from intergalactic attack.

“Excuse me for a minute.”

Your husband says. And no one is surprised. They all recognize the “family beep”. And despite the reputation he dragged for years, they also all know what his family means to him...

Clark is right there, slowly leaning towards Bruce, and you know he’s about to ask if the kiddos are alright. Turns out, Clark Kent is an amazing uncle. And friend. He worries a lot about “y’all”, very often.

And oh, oh this was going to be fun.

At the very moment Bruce’s eyes see your name on his phone, and what is the content of your text, his eyes widen, turn to Clark and...

“What the hell Bruce ?”

Your husband, by pure instinct, shoved Clark’s face away, while at the same time hiding his phone in his pocket again.

Clark could’ve avoided it easily, you knew. But he probably wasn’t really expecting the Batman to get weirdly panicky and shove him away like that ?

“You were-...Too close.”

Bruce says a bit abruptly, trying really hard to hide how worked up he feels after he read what you send him. He avoids your look like the plague, and pretends as if this little incident didn’t happen, returning to discussing plans.

The incident passed fast, and although Clark was a bit sour about it, he didn’t ask further. He guessed yes, he was a little too close ? He just wanted to be sure whoever send the text was alright.

And oh. Oh that whoever was definitely alright.

Because it was you. And this entire scene unfolded to your utter delight. Bruce abruptness and such was very much like him to all his friends. But you...You saw beyond that.

You saw how rosy his cheeks got under his mask. And how his eyes kept wandering to you, even as he was working on something very important.

You saw how truly flustered he got. So flustered in fact, that he couldn’t think of a clever way out of why he shoved his friends away, but that he was “too close”.

A little unlike Bruce.

Or was it really ? Was it truly unlike him, or just unlike the idea so many people had of him ? Because you...

You knew the real Bruce. And sometimes, he could be clumsy and shy and stumble on his words. He could be awkward and cute, all flustered and blushy.

He could be...He was so many things.

And so many sides of him were absolute secrets. Secrets only you and your children knew.

You were privy to the most secret parts of him.

The adorable ones that would get flustered by a dirty text send in public.

But also the very sexy one that would later act upon it...

He could act annoyed, embarrassed and like he was mad at you all he wanted. You knew he secretly LOVED it, when you took this kind of risk.

And oh. Oh how you knew.

Really ?! In front OF MY SALAD ?!

It was a “family and friends” barbecue. One of those occurrences that happen very rarely, when your entire circle of close friends and family is free.

One of those very rare occurrences where you could all meet up, and have a relaxing time. Today, a barbecue.

The summer heat was heavy, and you couldn’t help but smile as you looked at your kids and Clark’s son, Jon, playing in the pool.

Jason and Jon were having a fight against Tim and Damian, and you weren’t sure it was a very fair one...Up until Tim kicked his brother in the nuts, and Jason fell in the water, cursing him.

You probably should’ve told them to “play nice”, but then Jason emerged from the water and grabbed both his little brothers and...It was clearly all in good fun. Jon was bursting in laughter, cheering along with Duke and Cass for whoever they were siding with to win.

Ah. Ah you lived for days like this. When you could all pretend to be normal. Then again, you would change your lifestyle for no others.

The vigilante thing, making Gotham (and by extension the World) a better place...this was what you chose. What you all chose.

You turned away from your children playing in the pool, screaming (you were pretty sure they could be heard all the way in Downtown Gotham) and having fun, to look for your husband.

And there he was. Flipping some burgers on the barbecue. Looking hella fine in his polo shirt and cargo shorts. Then again, that man could wear a burlap sack that he would still look good.

You were shamelessly staring at him when he turned to look at you, giving you the smuggest look you’ve seen on his face in a while.

Oh. Oh the bastard. He knew the effect he had on you. And he loved it.

Mmm.

That sort of called for a little lesson, right ? Punishment, perhaps ?

And the environment was perfect. Here he was, taking care of the barbecue, while surrounded by friends asking for burgers...The perfect setting to fluster Bruce Wayne.

You took your phone out, and wrote everything you wanted to do to him. The way that polo shirt was clinging to his muscles definitely fueled your imagination.

You pressed send, and sat back in your chair, sipping on your non-alcoholic cocktail. You smiled at Lois and Dinah as they came to sit next to you, and took part in their conversation (they were talking about how annoying Oliver and Clark could be, yet how great they were too, and ah you could relate to this haha). But you kept a lookout for Bruce.

His phone rang. The infamous “family beep”. But he didn’t immediately react. Probably because his entire family was reunited here, and he could see none of them were in trouble.

He was probably thinking it was you sending him a text about how well you wanted your burger. Or something like that. And that’s when...

Your oldest son was coming with a plate full of uncooked food for the barbecue, and was about to settle it on the table next to his dad, but his phone was in the way. So he took it in his hand, and as he settled the plate Bruce’s phone rung again.

You stood up, and called out, a little panicked :

“No no no wait Dick ! Hey ! Don’t look at-”

Too late. You could see, as your son turned very pale, eyes widening and looking very ill, that he saw what you send your husband...

Damn it. And it was a very imaginative one at that, today...You sighed, knowing what was about to happen.

“WHAT THE FUCK ?!”

Dick turned towards his father, looking as if he had just been betrayed. And Bruce has no idea what’s happening.

“WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR PHONE OUT LIKE THAT IF THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE GONNA RECEIVE ?!”

And suddenly, your husband understands. And he’s not sure if he’s amused or if he wants to frown at you. He gives you a quick glance, and you shrug. You definitely didn’t intend on traumatizing your son with this...

Dick takes hold of his salad bowl, looks at his father straight in the eyes and says :

“You disgust me.” Oh, but it was said in such an overdramatic, over the top way. It was impossible for you not to grin.

And on that note, absolutely outraged and rather grossed out, Dick leaves to go grumpily eat his salad, alone at one of the outside table. Slowly, his siblings go to him, wondering what happened and why he screamed like that.

But as they see you slowly laugh your ass off, as they see their father who’s not sure if he should be flustered, ashamed or amused, and as they see Dick’s face...They all understand the subject of it all. They don’t know the exact things that happened. But they know their parents enough, and particularly the way you sometimes couldn’t get your hands off of each others, to know what this all was about.

Cue a bunch of “oh no ewwwww”, and a few “in front of your salad ?!” doubled with “this is a family event...”, and you definitely can’t stop laughing.

You feel a little bad, because you really didn’t intend on your son seeing what you had to say. And this was definitely one of the worst thing that happened on the spectrum of “my parents are gross...ly in love”. But you can’t help it. Your kids’ faces are just too funny.

And the way Bruce tries to resist looking at his phone to see what you said, while obviously being very curious (and feeling a little hot, the heat outside not being the reason)...it was just the icing on the cake.

So what if you were a little evil, and liked to tease him a bit too much ? And what if there were some little collateral damages along the way ?

As you always said, nobody was perfect.

Sometimes, it is welcomed.

Oh but there are days. Harder than others. Where you do it, not to fluster or annoy him, but to take his mind off of his troubles.

Like right now.

You could see him, in the middle of this sea of people. Not feeling like he belongs. And dwelling on painful past events.

You went to get him a drink, for once. You left him alone for a few minutes, as you made your way to the bar and ordered the usual non-alcoholic drinks you two got. But when you turned around...

Here he was.

Lost. In a place he did not want to be in, but had to so he could keep the “Brucie” facade he put up all those years. So the suspicion about him being Batman could never even start. And so he could put his money to good use.

Charity, rebuilding the city, funding schools, hospitals...All of this required his presence.

But oh. Oh he really didn’t want to be there. If it was up to him, he would probably be home, with his kids, in front of a movie they chose. Bonus point if you were snuggled up to him.

This was his “one night a week” he HAD to not go out as Batman. And it killed you, that this night was too often used for such events...

But alas, choosing the life you both chose required certain sacrifices. Including a few hours mingling with people you don’t even like, to try and make your city a better place.

There was, however, something you could do for him. Something that would cheer him up, in this moment of “I wish I was somewhere else”.

The “dirty texting to fluster Bruce” tactic wasn’t only used in mischievous way, to make him fluster and blush and such.

No. No sometimes, sometimes it was used to cheer him up.

Like now.

Bruce’s mind was elsewhere, drowning in this sea of people he couldn’t even remember the names of.

Until a familiar “beep” resounded in his pocket.

The family “beep”.

Without a second thought, he takes his phone out and...

Yes. There are certain moments, in which you sending him the dirtiest text he ever read (and being the “most eligible bachelor” for quite a while, he already received quite the saucy sexte), while you are in public, instead of flustering him would...

He finds you in the crowd easily.

He always found it easy, to single you out. Even while amongst this many people. It’s because to him, you shine. Almost quite literally.

He never had any difficulties finding his way back to you, even in the most crowded places...Sometimes, he joked that it’s because he could feel his love for you guide him. When he feels extra sappy, he says it with a serious tone.

And he means it.

He does.

It’s easy, to find you. Because he knows where to look. As if instinct linked you to him all those years ago. And he knows. He knows it’s because he never loved anyone like he loves you.

And right now, as you sent him a particularly graphic text in the hope to take his mind off of whatever dark thoughts he was getting lost in, he definitely finds it extra easy to find your face.

There you are.

And he smiles at you. Widely. So pure. Rare, for a man like him.

Because he knows. He knows this time, you didn’t send this to him to fluster him in front of people, but to distract him.

And it works. Oh damn it works.

His smile turns “sexy”, as anyone would say, and he looks very smug, as you walk towards him.

In truth, whenever you send him such a text, he always feel a little rush. Wether you’re trying to fluster him, or just cheer him up.

That man was as in love with you as if it was the first day, forever stuck in the honeymoon phase...Why wouldn’t he appreciate receiving hot texts from you ?

Even when you were purposefully trying to make him blush, there was a little part of him, although it was infuriating how satisfied you look that you ALWAYS succeeded, that just loved those texts.

You’re right next to him now, handing him his drink. He takes it smoothly from your hand,

“Thank you, my love.”

You wink at him, reveling in his warmth, snuggling a little closer albeit staying rather discreet, as this was an official event, after all.

His hand squeeze your waist a little, and you know what he’s about to do. He bends down to your ear and whispers, all suave and smug :

“What was this about needing um, a little disciplining ?”

You smile, knowing your mission was a frank success as he’s definitely not thinking about not wanting to be there anymore. Well. He most likely does. But he’s not dwelling on pain and misery for sure. And he’s not thinking those dark thoughts he can have sometimes...

You give him a coy look, and then you say :

“When we get out of here, I’ll show you.”

Oh you make him melt. Unable to hide his bedroom eyes, he gives your forehead a chaste kiss in the hope to regain countenance.

But it’s too late. You successful diverged his thoughts from any darkness...But now all he can think about is you.

And what you told him you wanted him to do to you.

Yes. Sometimes...Sometimes, you sending him absolutely dirty texts in public was everything he needed to come back to life.

As ridiculous as this sounded.

You were his lifeline so many times...He had no idea, at this point, what he would do without you. He couldn’t go back to the way he lived before you. No. He couldn’t.

And you wouldn’t let him anyway. Because no matter what, you were here for him. Your unconditional love, and self-admittedly cheekiness was here for him.

Ah. How good it felt, to be the only one in the world that could show off about being able to “fluster” the Batman himself.

_________________________________________________

I think I haven’t written something that short in like...ever haha. I haven’t re-read myself, this is just a quick bonus story :). It’s really just a little fun thing to write, nothing too serious or detailed or with too much feels ^^'. A quick drabble written for the sake of writing haha. I hope you liked it anyway, and aren’t disappointed or something ?

Just wanted to show an unknown almost “evil” side to Batmom ? Hahahaha. Anyway : Any comments and reblogs are always greatly appreciated ^^. Thanks in advance, and see you soon with an actual story ! There’s one coming just this week-end ;).

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asilentguardian · 3 years

Note

imagine... jock hal.....teasing goth bruce...,,,,..

bruce: 😳

PERIOD. anon you know me so well.

one of my favorite headcanons is that bruce was a goth little nerd in high school but every time a jock did anything he would just 😳 so jock hal being like “haha nerd :)” to bruce would make his brain short-circuit but he has a REPUTATION to maintain so he’s immediately like “fuck u jordan >:(“ and internally they’re both like “wow he’s so hot”

#riddle me this #anon #batlantern

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howdyhowdyyalls · 3 years

Text

Mercenaries in the Big Leagues

A/N: Okay so a friend requested this and I may or may not turn it into a little series, let me know what you guys think and if you want more. This one was a lot of exposition and explaining, but it’ll get better haha. Also, requests are still open for now if you are looking for something else. Let me know what you think and enjoy!

Summary: While stuck in a rut for a mission, the Avengers finally make the risky decision to engage with Wade Wilson, better known as Deadpool, for help.

Warnings/Rating: It’s Deadpool, so expect some swearing. Other than that, this one doesn’t feature too much Wade so it is relatively clean haha.

Characters (In this Chapter) : Tony Stark (Iron Man), Steve Rogers (Captain America), Peter Parker (Spiderman), Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow), Bucky Barnes (The Winter Soldier), Bruce Banner (The Hulk), Wade Wilson (Deadpool)

"That was a joke, right? You can't be serious, " Tony scoffed, causing Steve to run his hands through his hair with an exasperated sigh.

"I don't like the idea any more than you do. But we've been in a rut for days and he's our best chance at getting out of it. It's about the greater good, Tony," Steve Rogers tried to explain, earning a look of annoyance from the famous Tony Stark.

"There is no 'greater good' when working with him. He's self centered and a prick and for all we know will lead us astray intentionally!" Tony grumbled. But, while he didn't want to admit it, but he knew Rogers had a point.

All the while, Peter Parker listened silently to the not-so-quiet conversation through the walls of Stark Tower. The Avengers had been struggling with a mission for weeks now, and even more so in the last few days. Steve had simply offered the idea of asking Wade Wilson, more commonly known as his moniker, Deadpool, for help, and this seemed to set Mr. Stark off on an agitated rant. Peter didn't know anything about a history between Mr. Wilson and Mr. Stark, but it didn't take long to infer that it was undoubtedly a bitter one. Moreover, Peter knew little if anything about Mr. Wilson himself. All he knew was the general reputation of his alter ego Deadpool, which, if Peter was being completely honest, wasn't something anyone should be proud of. Wade was said to be as merciless as he was annoying, and the only time that Peter had ever heard Mr. Stark mention Wade before was when Stark was warning Peter to stay far, far away should he ever encounter Deadpool.

And yet, now Peter sat listening to Captain America and Iron Man negotiating the terms of inviting Deadpool to Stark Towers for his assistance.

To be honest, Peter had no idea what Deadpool could be useful for. From what he'd heard, Wade was always more trouble than he was worth. Still, all progress on their mission had been terminated in recent weeks, and it would seem that the Avengers could use all the help they could get.

Even if that meant working with a mercenary.

Up until Mr. Stark and Captain Roger's rather loud conversation distracted him, Peter had been catching up on a book he was reading. After soon realizing that returning to his efforts would now be futile, he opted instead to walk to the kitchen where their voices were coming from.

Upon entry, Peter now found Natasha, Bucky, and Bruce with Steve and Tony. He waved hello to all of them, but only Natasha and Steve waved back; the others were seemingly too consumed by their conversation to notice Peter's arrival.

"I just don't see what talking to him would hurt. If he acts like a dick, we can just kick him out," Bucky stated, earning a skeptical glance from Bruce.

"But how would we even engage with him in the first place? He's only money motivated, and we can't guarantee his help if we pay him off. Besides, it's not like he exactly likes any of us either," Bruce elaborated, causing a temporary silence in the group.

"I could talk to Mr. Wilson." Peter offered to break the silence, earning stunned glances from the majority of the group.

"Nice one, kid. Anyways, I think we just need to-" Tony began with a dismissive tone before being cut off by Steve.

"Hear him out, Tony."

"You're joking, right? Steve, he's a kid, there's no way I'm letting him-" Tony tried to explain himself once more before being cut off again, this time by Peter.

"You said he doesn't like you guys, but he doesn't even know me. Besides, I'm the youngest here. Maybe he'll listen to me more." Peter offered an explanation, only to be countered by Banner.

"It's a nice idea, Pete, but I'm afraid that it's the Avengers as a team that Deadpool has shown a sharp dislike for. Besides, he's dangerous. None of us would forgive ourselves if he hurt you," Bruce elucidated, prompting a huff from Peter that drew a curious look from the lot.

"You guys don't need to baby me. I understand that the world is dangerous and unforgiving but I'm as sick of being stuck with this case as all of you are and I just want to help fix things. I don't know or care for Mr. Wilson either but if he can help us then I'm all for it." Peter stressed, desperate to get the rest of the team to take him seriously for once. "Besides, I don't even have to see him face to face. Just let me call him and make him an offer. Mr. Barnes is right- there's no harm in just asking." This comment made Bucky mutter something under his breath, inaudible to Peter but he soon realized that Bucky was only correcting how Peter had referred to him. The soldier made it clear that he was only to be referred to as 'Bucky', but Peter was so far unable to break the habit of addressing all adults by their last name.

Finally, Natasha spoke up.

"Let him do it, Stark. He's right- Wilson may be more receptive to him, and there's no harm in a simple phone call." She pleaded, finally gaining a hesitant nod and sigh from Tony.

"Fine, just give me a minute." Was all that he said.

...

"Just remember what I told you and stick to the approved dialogue," Tony reminded Peter, handing him a telephone with a number inputted but not called yet. Now only Tony, Peter, Natasha and Steve sat in the dimly lit room in Stark Towers, looking out into the sparkling lights of the city at night. Peter nodded in response and received a grin and thumbs up from Natasha before hitting the 'call' button on the phone.

It ended up ringing so many times that it seemed that Wade wasn't able to answer. Just as Peter assumed he was unavailable and was about to hang up, a tired sounding man's voice answered, and, as instructed by Mr. Stark, Peter put the call on speaker phone so that they all could hear.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hi there, is this Wade Wilson?"

"What's it to you?" The man responded, catching Peter off guard a bit.

"Um, hi, I'm an intern at Stark Industries, I'm contacting you because-" Peter's voice was quickly cut off by the man on the other end of the phone.

"Seriously? Kid, you sound like a boy scout. How old are you?" Wade chuckled. Mr. Stark glared at the phone in Peter's hand as he continued.

"Sir, I'm reaching out to you because Mr. Stark has requested you personally for assistance with a project-" Once again, Peter's sentence was cut short by the other man's.

"Bullshit. Stark hates me, and it would take a full construction team to get that stick out of his ass enough for him to even consider asking me-" Now it was Peter's turn to end the other man's sentence early.

"Okay, okay. Look, you want the truth? I'm not an intern anymore- I'm Peter, and I'm the newest Avenger. And right now, we really need your help. Also right now, Mr. Stark looks a bit like he wants to strangle me for breaking our script so you better say yes," Peter rambled, still choosing his words carefully and making a point to not give away his full identity, all the while intentionally avoiding Tony's death glare. There was only a beat of hesitation before Wade responded again.

"Motherf- I'm on speaker phone, aren't I? I swear to god Tony you think you're so slick-"

"If I take you off speaker phone and talk to you alone will you hear me out and consider?" Peter offered the mercenary, earning an even more exasperated look from Mr. Stark.

"Yes." Was all that Wade has to say, still with a smug voice at the satisfaction of Stark not having the upper hand as usual.

"Okay. Gimme a sec," Peter murmured before covering the phone's mic with his hand and whispering to the others in the room, "Guys, just trust me on this. Let me talk to him alone." Surprisingly, Steve nodded and led a very hesitant Tony away from the room with Natasha following the two of them, leaving Peter alone in the room as he took the phone off speaker mode and brought it up to his ear before continuing the conversation.

"Are you still there?"

"Depends. Is Stark?" Wade retorted.

"No, I'm alone now. Will you help us?"

"So you're that new spider boy, huh?" The voice on the phone quipped, ignoring Peter's question.

"It's Spiderman. And yes, that's me."

"Seems like a massive waste of potential for you to just be a slave to Stark and the other goody two shoes pricks who thrive off of each other's praise and worthless savior complexes," Wade concluded, painting a confused look on Peter's face.

"They told me that you don't particularly like us. And while I don't really know you or why you do what you do, we really need you Mr. Wilson. I'm afraid Mr. Stark may be a little too proud to say it but we need help right now and you're the man for the job. So please, I'm asking you sincerely on his behalf."

"Why should I? He hates me just as much as I hate him and I'm doing quite well on my own," Wade interrogated Peter.

"He'll pay you." Peter offered.

"How much?"

"Whatever you need. We need your help, Mr. Wilson."

"It's Wade, just call me Wade. And y'know what? I just might have a change of heart. Might. If you can get Stark to tell me himself that he needs me. Among a list of other conditions, of course," Peter was silent for a moment before responding.

"Seriously, man?"

"Dead serious," Wade grinned slyly.

"Fine. Give me a minute." Peter secretly smiled to himself as he raced out of the room to find Mr. Stark before he lost Wade's interest. Tony was, expectedly, waiting just outside the doors with Steve and Natasha, so Peter muted himself on the phone so that Wade was unable to hear him and proceeded to tell the others the good news.

"He's in," Peter announced excitedly, earning smiles from Steve and Natasha but a skeptical look from Tony, who perhaps knew better than to know that Wade would agree with no conditions.

"What's the catch?" Tony inquired.

"You have to pay him, and he said there was more that he didn't mention yet," Peter explained, but the look on his face alerted Tony to the fact that there was more to the story.

"And?" Tony encouraged Peter to continue.

"And... you yourself have to admit to him that you need him," Peter said sheepishly, already knowing that Tony wouldn't take kindly to that. Thankfully, Tony didn't respond to him, and instead it was Steve that was next to speak.

"Just do it, Tony! He has a short attention span as is and won't wait long on the phone. For once, swallow your pride and just do it," Steve pleaded, earning an agitated look from Tony, who then snatched the phone from Peter's hand and unmuted it before bringing it to his ear.

"Fine. You wanna hear it from me, Wilson? I need you. Does that really make you feel like such a better man?" Tony huffed, and a mumbled response could be heard on the other line but not made coherent to Peter, Steve or Natasha, so they all silently followed only Tony's side of the conversation.

"How much?... When can you come?... Seriously, dude?... Fine, I'll see you then." Were his concluding sentences, broken up by moments of garbled nonsense to the others during Wade's responses over the phone, before Tony finally hung up. "He's in." Stark concluded.

And, for the first time that night, Peter could swear he saw the faintest hint of a smile of relief on the others' faces.

...

Only about two hours had passed since their phone call had concluded until Tony announced that Wade was on his way and would be staying in Stark Towers with the rest of the team for a week while offering his assistance to all of them. During the announcement, he was met with varying responses from the rest of the team, mostly consisting of hesitant optimism and annoyance. While Peter still knew very little of Wade, he was able to infer by reading the others' expressions that Deadpool was not a very popular character around here.

And perhaps all he needed to know about Wade could be inferred by the first words out of his mouth when he finally made his entrance to Stark Towers soon thereafter:

"What's up, bitches!"

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feuilleszuyu · 4 years

Text

Hyewon!Superbat au ♡

a/n: this is unedited and very bad so i apologize in advance sjsjd || m.list

I PROMISED IT AND I’M DELIVERING IT

HYEWON!SUPERBAT AU YESSS

y’all can already see how it goes right??

olivia was one of the MANY kids adopted by bruce

and just like her fellow robin gals, she upgraded to batgirl

which obviously as the goth she is she liked better than her colorful robin uniform

“WHY IS IT SO COLORFUL AREN’T WE MEANT TO BLEND IN THE SHADOWS???”

as for our sweet sweetie pie gowon

she was actually kara’s daughter (hence the blond hair)

and she has always been a part of the super family

and every super family member has their bat family member >:)

except gowon wasn’t rlly interested in the bats

it’s not like she disliked them????

she just kinda.... didn’t care

she had her friends as gowon, and she had her hero friends as supergirl

since the super’s and kent’s both already had a good reputation she never had to go out of her way to make friends and she was happy with the ones she had

but they eventually end up meeting obviously

it would happen sooner or later

they meet when they become the new teen titans, before olivia was batgirl

AND OH GOD HOW MUCH OF A BULLY GOWON WAS

“i thought bats were scary but it stopped as soon as i saw you lol”

BUT LIKE WAS IT RLLY OLIVIA’S FAULT SHE LOOKED LIKE A BABY??? NO

WAS IT OLIVIA’S FAULT SHE HAD TO WEAR THAT UNIFORM??? NO

but anyways

they bonded over videogames obviously

and then gowon found out olivia was a wayne and was like :00000

“YOU COULD BUY MY WHOLE EXISTENCE WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL???”

“i mean...... i just....? i—“

but yeah y’all know how it is right??

gowon is the sweetest girl but,,,, she does like to flex too ya know

so she DID tell everyone she was friends with OLIVIA HYE A FRICKING W A Y N E

no one believed at first

how did they even met??

the wayne’s were in private colleges or homeschooled and they were from another city

but they did believe it when they saw a big ass black limousine waiting for miss gowon at the school entrance

dick’s courtesy ofc

needless to say everyone started talking to gowon even more

and guys asking gowon to meet olivia???? or to set them up with her??? GOD HELP THOSE POOR SOULS

GOWON WOULD GO O F F

AND ALMOST HIT THEM

she didn’t understand whY she was so outraged by that

i mean it was kinda of a given,,, olivia is SO PRETTY and also A WAYNE aNDDDD A PRODIGY LIKE ALL WAYNES

she was known EVERYWHERE because of her talent to music and dance

that was her passion and she was very talented

that’s a literal dream girl

pretty, rich, smart, talented passionate

gowon wished she was like olivia

she never had a low self-esteem

she DID love herself

so she didn’t really understand why she felt that way about olivia

and even more than that, she never felt that way when there was just the two of them

only when other people were talking abt olivia

now, metropolis was not a small city

but as the simple people the kent’s were, they did like to keep the things low and lived in the calmer, smaller part of the city

i mean, they can fly and run super fast, being a super hero was really not something stopping them

gowon only really learnt abt lgbt and stuff when she became closer to olivia and the other titans

and she also came to learn, most of bruce’s kids were a part of the community

and now gowon’s head is full of doubts :)) ty

she wanted to know......... did olivia perhaps.......... like girls???

did she herself......... like girls???

HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT????

after a lot of time of questioning and searching and investigating....

gowon just thought it’d be the best to just... ask?

she waited to patrol

AND OH GOD WAS SHE NERVOUS

they were patrolling gotham together

she would often take olivia’s hands and fly by the city

olivia liked to fly

and gowon was happy to get her to do so

and then they’d just sit on a rooftop chitchatting

and that was the time

“olivia”

“yes?? :<“

“you know..... most of your siblings are lgbt, right?”

“yes”

“and what do you think about it?”

“I mean.... I don’t think much of it,, it’s rlly none of my business”

“I think.... i think I might like girls”

“oh, that’s cool :))”

“really?? you still like me?”

“ofc i do! I mean I’m not straight either so”

now that was a relief

“amazing!! i mean, well, that’s cool too haha nice nice haha”

“gowon”

if gowon wasn’t panicked enough

she was now

olivia was VERY serious at this moment

like..... olivia had an edgy image and stuff

and liked to act tough

but she never looked this serious

“yes?”

“i like you, you know?”

gowon was silent

she was in shock

“I... like you too?”

“it’s ok if you don’t, i won’t be mad”

“no, no, no, i like you too!!! i’ve actually been thinking abt it for a long time”

“nice :)) i’m happy to hear that”

gowon smiled to herself

she felt a way no one could describe

she felt... safer? relieved? happy?

all of those and much, much more

“yeah... yeah me too”

SOME HEADCANONS OF SUPERBAT!HYEWON DATING:

olivia has a very open schedule since she studies at home and alfred is her personal tutor

so she met gowon a lot of times at her school

during breaks usually but if extra needy she’d text her during class for her to ask to go to the bathroom to meet

olivia would take gowon as her extra on EVERY event

and when asked about their relationship she would answer every question with “i love gowon” no matter what it is

“are you two dating?” “i love gowon!”

“when did you meet?” “i do indeed love gowon!!”

“what is your sexuality?” “great question, did you know I love gowon?”

the same goes for gowon on her school

and whenever bullied for being a wlw you BET the bully would wake up to a rainbow painted room, and house, and only rainbow clothing

yes.... it was kinda illegal..... and kara wasn’t very happy but bruce?? bruce was PROUD of her daughter

he didn’t express it tho, but olivia knew

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jm-ph-2-3 · 4 years

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“Keep the main thing, the main thing. The rest is noise”

An essay by Morgan Adriano

- The past few months was never been easy for all of us. Tragedy upon tragedy, losses upon losses, news upon news, deaths upon deaths and so on and so forth. People losing jobs, people dying left and right, people complaining, people disobeying and to be frank with all of you, this has been the hardest for me as well. Being a fresh graduate and my first year entering the work force, everything seems so uncertain, unsure and to put it simply; shaky. In my Career? Training? Family? Friends? Goals? Future? A lot also happened after college which I am not ready disclose here and will not ever cause we not close dude hahaha.

- With the COVID19 situation, Social isolation how now become mainstream and we are left to ourselves and our own thoughts. As so we thought.... Eventually we are indulging ourselves with the internet or netflix , "working hard" or trying to keep ourselves busy. But had you really spent time with "yourself". I did all of these. With days past by, I was able continue to reflect upon how our society is being shaped by media and how we are consumed by it. From movies, music, advertisements and to social media, (Disclaimer: they are not inherently bad and I'm not saying social media and media in general is the devil and we are living in a black mirror episode and you must immediately and completely disconnect from the internet. A thought that actually got in my head for some instances haha. I enjoy art forms like music, movies and books so this exempts me from being a hypocrite HAHAHA) they all had some sort of impact of how we perceive life and how we navigate through it. Everyone and everything is battling for our attention, time and money. Telling us how to do this and that. That you must hustle and hustle, compete with others, wake up at 4am, this is what success looks like and etc. (Might be another topic that I will explore soon). Till the point we are blindingly consuming large of amounts of information till no end. This was my illness. I would actually waste hours on hours on time in the internet "learning" or a better term for this is "knowing" what I can and consuming what I can, telling my self the more I know the better employee, leader, coach, future-father, son, brother, friend and person I can be. And to a certain extent they actually helped. But I think, we all have lost the most fundamental skill that we as humans posses: The ability to think critically and clearly. We blindingly accept what the media, internet offers us as true without discerning about how that idea was formed or why was it formed? We don't second guess everything we take in. True or not. We eat it like fast food; having no regard for it's affect on us just as long it satisfy us and our deepest desires we have. We are becoming morbidly obese with information. And thinking that knowing the "stuff" would eventually allow us to attract all the goodies of life or also use the narrative that has been constantly displayed in media to our own lives (Case and point: Love stories and even sports films etc.) This saddens me that, I, and most people in society have fallen victim to it and it's dangerous and a life-sucking cycle.

-But just one step; that primordial step can help you to take control of your life: Self-Awareness. Awareness of one's surroundings and one's self. Once you become aware of the imperfections of society, of people and of yourself, you stop complaining, comparing and loathing. Because it gives you perspective and to gladly quote Obi-Wan Kenobi in Return of the Jedi: “Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.”. We must eventually find it for ourselves: what do we value, what is our standards, what is our priorities and most importantly what do we define as success. Do you let “them” define all of these for you? Or do you define them for yourself? Is it that car? Is it that job? Is it that title? Is it that award/achievement? Is it that reputation? You choose. To go back again to my previous point. Do we think critically and clearly on what we consume? or do we allow it to consume us... Our point of view, our values, our standards, our priorities, our own perception of self. Even down to our clothing choices. - Although COVID-19 and it's influence on us is undeniably negative, there are still silver linings to enjoy in between these times of unrest, anxiety, depression and uncertainty. This pandemic can teach us to slow down (And I mean really slow down and not binging on "The Office US" which I downloaded illegally because Netflix had it taken down. So at least I'm being honest HAHAHAHA). Reflect, recollect and meditate. What really matters to me? Who is at the driver seat? What and whose narrative do I follow? What are the voices that I listen to? What are the voices **in my head** that I listen to?.......... What is the main thing?.. Which is the noise? - Matthew 7:13 - Disclaimer: I myself is also navigating this journey called "life". So take this with a grain of salt. This is by no means a preaching piece but an observational piece. But if you do see it that way: Remember what Bruce Lee said: "Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own." This may have been a season in my life. This perspective may probably change or so but we (I) will see. - If you have made it this far: May I congratulate you for your tremendous knack for focusing on one task and not multitasking like looking at or doing other things while reading and enjoying this piece. Thank you for taking time to read my thoughts and opinions. More power to you my friend! I never thought writing would be great tool for coping with the times but this has been totally true for me who constantly overthinks and who recently learned that he is high in neuroticism. I am surely enjoying it and will probably write for the days, weeks, months and even years to come. (Journaling most likely) I'm doing this not to show off my quote on quote skills and my "pRoFouNdNeSs" but to share and put out my opinions and ideas and use this as means for the search of mental clarity, self awareness and not for attention and the likes. So all of you judgemental pr*cks out there can have a nice day :)

P.S. I got the first statement of the title of the piece from my mentor. So credits to him.

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pepperony3000-archive · 6 years

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Favourite avengers movies scenes?

So I’m not sure if you mean The Avengers movies proper, or MCU movies in general... so I’ll answer both. ;)

Fav Avengers scenes (in no particular order):

1) Natasha’s first scene in the first Avengers movie. I know everybody on this hellsite hates her now but like... that scene is just brilliant! It shows just how easily Natasha can play people around her, and she’s not afraid to put herself at genuine risk in order to manipulate people. It’s why she’s the master manipulator. She will let herself get captured and beaten up in order to get what she wants from her target just as easily as she’ll let herself don a fancy dress in order to get what she wants from her target.

2) The science bro “saved [my life] for what exactly” “I guess we’ll find out” scene in the first Avengers movie. It’s such a good scene, and really showcases why I love this dynamic so much. Tony acknowledges that Bruce finds himself trapped... there’s something inside of him that he just can’t control. And Tony doesn’t dismiss it. One might almost expect him to be dismissive of Bruce since he earlier so flagrantly pointed out how much he liked Hulk. In the Banner vs Hulk argument going on inside Bruce, he’d already allied himself with Hulk.Except in this moment, he also allied himself 100% with Banner. He tells Bruce that Hulk is only a “monster”, because he just hasn’t learned how to 100% control it... and points out that it’s Bruce’s life that was important enough to save and protect. I just love it.

3) Tony: “Please be a secret door please be a secret doorWall: *is a secret door*Tony: “Yay!”

4) Thor showing up in Wakanda in Infinity War. I cheered. I screamed. I celebrated. It was amazing

5) Gamora’s death and Peter Parker’s death (yes I know I’m cheating and doing a two-in-one here). I was never really a huge fan of Gamora... although she and Nebula are the only GOTG characters I even came close to really liking. But she was written so perfectly in Infinity War, I genuinely loved her death scene and it’s one of my favorites.And... I don’t think I need to tell y’all why I love this one, do I?

6) Steve’s... Wanda-vision I guess? Which honestly? I think it was the moment that I am going to believe started him in such a negative downward spiral that he became... not a character I could like.He comes face to face with the world he knew, with the woman he loved and lost, with the reality that... who he was and what he used to dream about could never happen. I think that scene is why he couldn’t really bring himself to sign the accords. When Tony appealed to his nostalgia he almost gave in, but I think he was just looking for an excuse not to.Because for him... the Avengers was the only compensation he had for losing everything. And he was afraid that if they were operating under the jurisdiction of someone or something else, it would not be what he needed it to be anymore.

Fav MCU-in-general/non-Avengers scenes (also in no particular order):

1) Tony Stark building the Iron Man suit in a cave!!! With a box of scraps!!! What’s not to love about these scenes? RDJ looking hot af with his bulging muscles, the cinematography being absolutely GORGEOUS, the music being perfect, the tension being palpable, and the joy and exuberance when he’s finished exhilarating. (Bonus points for how devastatingly sad their escape ended up being... rip Yinsen)

2) Pepperony dancing in Iron Man 1. MY GOD the sexual tension! There is a reason this ship is such an OTP it practically transcends even the word shipping! These two are perfect in literally every way and I will fight you on that.

3) Tony Stark building a new element in Iron Man 2. It’s like version 2.0 of him building the Mk 1: Bulging muscles? Check! Amazing cinematography? Check! Music? Spot on perfect. Tension? Well... slightly less palpable, but they’ve literally been buillding up that Tony’s dying this whole movie and he finally actually has a chance to save his own life! Exuberance upon completion? Check!The only annoying thing is when Coulson interrupts the montage to be intolerable...

4) Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers, and Howard Stark “do you... fondue” scene. My GOD it was amazing. My son Steve Rogers when he was still my second favorite character in the entire MCU being amazing and awkward, Howard being oblivious to how much he’s just exuding pure flirtatiousness here (haha that’s a lie, he knows exactly what he’s doing to poor Steve), and Peggy WTFing at her idiot guys. I love it.

5) Steggy’s first and last kiss. It’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t need happiness or anything. It’s not like they were perfect together and going to the future ended up just ruining Steve’s personality. It’s not like they deserved to be happy together. (Bonus points to their final conversation. THEY DESERVED THAT DANCE DAMMIT!!! I will never forgive the Russo’s for not making the scene where Steve visits old!Peggy longer and have it end with him gently picking her up in his arms and sway-dancing with her. THEY DESERVED IT!!! WE DESERVED IT!!!)

6) The entirety of Iron Man 3. I’m sorry but I cannot pick out one single scene from that movie that’s my favorite. That movie is massively underrated, simply because comic nerds were annoyed that it wasn’t predictable like literally every other movie has been (and were annoyed by the narrative basically telling them to stop being racist little fucks).Bonus: the Iron Man 3 post credits scene. For some reason people have sorta been hating on Bruce for that scene lately. I genuinely don’t get why! Like... that scene wasn’t about Bruce not caring about Tony! That scene was about how Bruce cares about and is so comfortable around Tony that he can relax around him. He can fall asleep around him. And Tony? Tony didn’t actually care. If he did he wouldn’t have immediately started another story about his “original trauma” immediately after their little snark fest.

7) Scott being toddler-sized in Ant-Man and the Wasp. That was just pure hilarity through and through. I loved every second of it.

8) JANET VAN DYNE!!! I’m sorry, but Jan is my literal favorite. Tony is (obviously) my favorite MCU character, but if I’m being perfectly honest with myself he’s probably my second favorite Marvel character... second only to Jan. She is amazing and badass and perfect and the fact that MICHELLE ACTUAL-GODDESS PFIEFFER PLAYS HER somehow makes her even better. Can the third movie in the Bug Trilogy be all about her? I just need more Jan. I don’t care if it’s a movie about Jan and Hank, or a movie about Jan and Scott, or a movie about Jan and Hope. I just want as much Jan as physically possible. I know that that isn’t a scene that’s a character but... I’M SORRY IF A SCENE HAS JAN IN IT IT’S AUTOMATICALLY ONE OF THE TOP BEST SCENES IN ANY MOVIE EVER I’M SORRY I DON’T MAKE THE RULES.

9) Basically any scene with Okoye. Honestly, Danai Gurira surprised the FUCK outta me with her talent. All I knew was that she was in The Walking Dead (which I’ve admittedly not scene) and so dismissed her as probably not being super talented because... well have you heard the reputation that show has gotten?Anyway... her performance continually impresses me, and she’s absolutely amazing! But my favorite scene specifically was the scene... I think it was between Nakia and Okoye (I’ve only watched that movie once... I KNOW I’M AWFUL) after T’Challa dies and Okoye basically says she can’t go against Erik because she is loyal to the THRONE of Wakanda, even if her heart is loyal to other people.

And I was GOING to do top 5 Avengers moments and top 10 non Avengers moments, but since I did 6 Avengers moments (plus a cheat), I’ll stop at 9 for non-Avengers moments.

And hey... while we’re at it:

Send me asks about anything you want my opinion on

#natasha romanoff #tony stark #bruce banner #thor #peter parker #gamora #Pepper Potts #Steve Rogers #Peggy Carter #Howard Stark #eobardwellscavanagh #Ask me a question

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holmesoverture · 7 years

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Eileen’s Official Nigel Bruce Defense Post

Weeks after first mentioning the possibility of writing this post in my Sink or Ship entry for the Rathbone/Bruce films, allow me to welcome you to my official and way the heck too long Nigel Bruce Defense Post.

I don’t think I need to convince anyone that the reputation of Bruce’s Watson has suffered in the years since he played Sherlock Holmes’ faithful Boswell. Virtually every time someone wants to praise a Watson, they feel the need to disparage Bruce to do it (“This Watson is great because he’s not a bumbler unlike some people I could mention, ahem, ahem”). James Mason only agreed to play Watson in Murder by Decree if they didn’t write him as an idiot. Edward Hardwicke was more polite about it, but he seems to have felt similarly about Bruce’s Watson’s capabilities. More recently, of course, Kate Beeton did her famous “Stupid Watson” comic, launching a nickname that seems to have caught on with some people around the interwebs.

And, in fairness, not all of the ire directed at Nigel Bruce is unwarranted. The Rathbone films do have a tendency to go way overboard with the comedy relief, and not even the fact that it was made for World War II audiences who were probably in desperate need of a laugh makes me feel better about it. This aspect of the movies hasn’t aged well. I admit that willingly.

But it’s important to note that the comedy relief really is just one aspect of Bruce’s Watson. For some reason, it’s the only aspect that people seem to remember when really he’s surprisingly multifaceted. To reduce Nigel Bruce’s interpretation of Watson to a demeaning nickname is unfair in the extreme, and since no one else seems to be willing to waste their time in refuting these gross overgeneralizations, I will heroically step in to fill this void that no one wanted filled.

And if you decide you still don’t like Bruce’s Watson after reading this post, that’s fine. My goal in writing this is not to push people into liking something that’s not to their tastes. All I want is to point out some inconsistencies in the Bumbling Oaf trope and maybe make you think about how you feel and why. (I also want to vent a little—it is the internet, after all.)

Open your minds and join me on this journey, mis amigos. It’s kind of long, but hopefully my witty insights and that one goofy picture of Batman I included will make it worth it.

Let’s start at the start: 1939’s The Hound of the Baskervilles. As I’m sure most of you are aware, this story hardly features Holmes at all. Watson is the one who heads out to Baskerville Hall alone to investigate, which requires him to be at least somewhat decent at investigative work, and he certainly is that. It’s only when Holmes shows up that he becomes the comedy relief. Later that year, in The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Holmes again sends Watson to investigate alone, and while I wouldn’t say it goes well, it doesn’t go noticeably worse than in any other version. Plus, a couple of the major humorous moments feature Watson on the winning side of the joke for once.

That’s about all the time I’ll spend on Bruce’s first two outings as Dr. Watson, since they are noticeably different from the B movies which followed. (The most striking changes, for those who haven’t seen them, are that the stories now take place in the 1940s rather than the Victorian era and also they now have the budget of an office Christmas party.) It’s here that the quality of the movies starts to waver, and I believe they are what most people are referring to when they complain about Nigel Bruce. The comedy relief bits are really ramped up here, but just because Watson became more of a punching bag doesn’t mean he necessarily became less intelligent or less interesting.

Before we continue, there’s one point Hardwicke made in that interview I linked to above that I’d like to address. He basically said that Watson’s training as a doctor means that he couldn’t be stupid.

First of all, Ben Carson. Second, the entire point of this post is to demonstrate that Watson wasn’t as stupid as everyone thinks, and we’ll get to that in just a second. Third, these movies do remember that Watson is a doctor and give him a few opportunities to show off his medical chops. In Terror By Night, Watson’s the one who announces the victim died of heart failure. It’s also him who notices a small pinprick in the dead guy’s neck that suggests said heart failure was induced. Granted, he didn’t mention the mark right away because he dismissed it as insignificant, but given that Holmes also had a look at the body and didn’t notice the mark at all, I think Watson deserves some props here.

Now I’m not even going to try to defend the rest of Terror By Night because it’s pretty much the epitome of everything people dislike about Bruce’s Watson. But it does go to show that, even when the Baker Street Dozen was at its silliest, Watson still had his moments.

If we want a really solid example of Watson being competent, however, we must go elsewhere. Let’s start with The Secret Weapon. It starts out as one would expect, with Watson being charged with guarding a scientist recently escaped from mainland Europe, only to fall asleep and allow the guy to wander off (YOU HAD ONE JOB). But later on, the film adapts bits of The Dancing Men, and when Holmes and Watson first encounter the code, it’s Watson who explains its significance to the lady whose missing boyfriend wrote it. He even sits down to decode it, but it’s been slightly altered since their last encounter with it, so it comes out wrong.

Naturally it’s Watson who makes this error while Holmes discovers what the alteration was. So now Watson looks like a knucklehead even though, again, he apparently learned the Dancing Men code so well that he could use it at a moment’s notice despite not seeing it for years.

But wait, what’s this? There’s another coded message, this one even more fiendishly difficult than the first? What to do now? Holmes and Watson spend the next few hours poring over the code, trying every combination and trick they can think of in their attempts to decode the message. Oh wait, did I say Holmes and Watson? I meant Watson by himself while Holmes sulks and makes rude comments.

Not bad for a bumbling oaf.

In the end, it’s an off-hand remark from Watson that flicks on the lightbulb over Holmes’ head, enabling Holmes to swoop in and steal the limelight from poor Watson. Our detective makes his brilliant game-changing deduction thanks to his conductor of light, who’s been doing the thankless drudge work this whole time. (This kind of happens a lot, actually—twice in Dressed to Kill alone, a casual remark from Watson enables Holmes to save the day.)

The real problem here isn’t that Watson is stupid; it’s the way the scene is framed. The movie is so busy focusing on Holmes’ deductions and accomplishments that Watson’s contributions mostly go unacknowledged. It’s clear from the fact that Watson was deeply involved in the decoding process that he’s perfectly intelligent and that Holmes trusts him to help with even the more difficult aspects of crime-solving.

Something similar occurs in The Woman in Green, which features Moriarty hypnotizing people into committing suicide for reasons that escape me at the moment. (This isn’t the high point of the Rathbone/Bruce collaborations okay) Again we have a comedy relief bit, with Watson being hypnotized into taking his shoes off or some nonsense immediately after declaring that hypnotism is BS. It’s the kind of thing you’d see on a ‘60s sitcom.

The movie ends with Watson arriving almost too late to save Holmes from Moriarty because he got stopped by a police officer for speeding. Yes, haha, silly Watson, can’t do anything right and almost ruined everything. But let’s reframe this scene for a second. Think about it from Watson’s perspective. He’s given a task to do by Holmes, who is going to be in mortal danger the entire time. He’s terrified for his friend and knows that his life is in his hands. Of course he’s going to break every damn speed law in the country to try to protect him. Just imagine how he felt when he got pulled over, when he had to waste all that time trying to explain the situation to the officer, knowing that every second spent arguing could mean Holmes’ life.

If this were a scene in one of the newer, edgier Sherlock Holmes adaptations, we probably would get to see it from Watson’s perspective, and depending on the version, I’m betting Watson would have just floored it when the police sirens started going. And even if Watson did stop, he very well might have lost patience halfway through the proceedings and punched out the cop to get to Holmes.

And by “he,” I mean Panin specifically.

Obviously, Bruce’s version could not do that because of the pearl-clutching moral censors. Or rather, he couldn’t do that on-screen. It’s never stated how Watson’s interaction with the police ended. How do we know he didn’t punch the guy? Because if you think Nigel Bruce’s Watson wasn’t willing and able to kick some ass, allow me to direct your attention to The Spider Woman, in which Holmes fakes his death, then comes back disguised as a postman and makes disparaging remarks about that fakey detective Sherlock Holmes, because Holmes is a dick like that. Bruce, being one of the more patient Watsons, tolerates it for a while before knocking Mailman Holmes right into a chair.

Again, this scene is played for laughs, but from Watson’s perspective, it’s about as unfunny as you can get. The man was unable to stop the death of his closest and dearest friend. He’s just had a hard day of packing up Holmes’ things for a museum, then some asshole postman shows up and starts insulting his recently deceased best friend for no reason. It’s little surprise that he snapped. So yeah, Bruce’s Watson was 100% down with decking people when placed under sufficient emotional strain, which he may well have been in The Woman in Green.

I think I’ve gotten away from my point here, but it basically boils down to the fact that Watson was not an idiot at the end of The Woman in Green; the way the scene is framed just makes him look like one.

There are also times when Bruce’s Watson doesn’t seem to do much of anything, which may be misconstrued as stupidity. Let’s look at Dressed to Kill. Now towards the end, Watson does get A Scandal in Bohemia-ed pretty bad, but that comes right after Holmes walks right into the bad guy’s trap like a knucklehead, so they’re roughly even on that front. The only real difference is that Holmes solves his problem on his own, while Watson needs Holmes to figure out the solution to his dilemma for him.

But aside from that and a couple of minor silly incidents, all Watson really does is act as a sounding board for Holmes. Some people may interpret this as his being useless, but this is what Holmes used to want in a partner. Quoth Sherlock Holmes in The Blanched Soldier, “A confederate who foresees your conclusions and course of action is always dangerous, but one to whom each development comes as a perpetual surprise, and to whom the future is always a closed book, is indeed an ideal helpmate.”

This line demonstrates two things: one, wow, Holmes, gush some more why don’t you. Two, however the characters have evolved in recent years, the original Holmes didn’t want someone like Liu, who ends up becoming proficient enough to start her own detective agency. He wanted someone more like Bruce, who didn’t have nearly the same capacity for deductive reasoning but who had the curiosity and inquisitiveness to make, according to Canon Holmes, “an ideal helpmate.”

There are plenty of the original stories in which Watson does little more than narrate—in The Beryl Coronet, for example, I’m pretty sure that the only thing Watson really does is point out their future client in the street. I think we’ve gotten so used to Watson being an action hero or a detective in his (or her) own right that we forget his original primary role was as the storyteller. (That is literally where the nickname Boswell comes from.) Being most definitively a sidekick doesn’t make Nigel Bruce useless or stupid; it means he’s fulfilling the role originally set out for his character.

The comedy relief business is, of course, largely an invention of the Rathbone/Bruce films. But honestly, I think the problem with Bruce’s Watson isn’t so much him as it is the filmmakers’ obsession with building up Holmes to be inhumanly perfect. The Spider Woman has a perfect example of this: there’s one scene that adapts that bit from The Devil’s Foot where Holmes and Watson are almost killed by poisonous gas and Watson has to save them both. Here, however, it’s Holmes who does the rescuing, because of course he does. Can’t have Watson grabbing any glory, now can we?

In fact, basically everyone who isn’t Holmes—and arguably Moriarty, though he sure did fall hard for the Brer Rabbit routine in The Secret Weapon, to say nothing of his ignoble demise in The Woman in Green—is depicted as a little lacking in the brain department. Lestrade and company are dim enough that Watson frequently calls them out for being boneheads. Holmes’ clients almost inevitably doubt Holmes’ abilities despite his great reputation, and Watson just loves rubbing their noses in how smart Holmes really is.

(That’s another thing people seem to dislike about Nigel Bruce for some reason. I’ve heard complaints about how he’s a suck-up who mindlessly admires Holmes despite how rude Holmes is to him. Again, this is an oversimplification. I already covered this in Sink or Ship, so I won’t belabor the point here, but I view Watson’s admiring comments less like sucking up and more like pride in his friend and his work. Not only that, Watson doesn’t always passively accept impoliteness. He flat out tells Holmes to stop being cranky in The Secret Weapon, and he gets quite huffy when he thinks Holmes is trying to make a fool of him in Terror by Night. Plus, Bruce is not even the only Watson to have stars in his eyes every time he looks at Holmes—Burke in particular puts up with quite a lot [see The Solitary Cyclist for a great example], and he starts looking murdery whenever someone fails to recognize his brilliant detective buddy.)

It’s fashionable nowadays to make Watson almost as smart as Holmes, which only amplifies the perceived stupidity of Nigel Bruce’s Watson. But in the original stories, Watson isn’t a deducing genius. That’s the whole point. He is basically the reader stand-in, the average Joe thrust into Holmes’ world and continually dazzled by it (and him). Now if you prefer the more current trends, that’s one thing. But to condemn Bruce for not magically predicting and following said trends is about as fair as criticizing Adam West’s Batman for not being serious enough, completely ignoring the fact that at the time Batman was less “I Am The Night” and more “Robin got temporary amnesia and super-strength from a bolt of lightning and now wants to fight Batman because a white guy pretending to be a native told him to.”

Would I lie to you about a thing like that?

And it’s not as though Bruce is the only Watson who bungles things. During Solomin’s tenure as the good doctor, he got whacked in the head when trying to sleuth on his own, got his dirty footprints all over Charles Augustus Milverton’s house (which Holmes then forced him to clean up), and completely and hilariously failed to disguise himself as a priest. That’s saying nothing of the first half of the pilot, where Watson assumes Holmes is a criminal mastermind and conducts his own wildly misguided, eminently goofy investigation that culminates in Holmes knocking him out during a boxing match. And yet no one ever accuses Solomin of being a bumbler (not that they should). I’m not sure why people are willing to excuse him and not Bruce. Is it because Solomin is young and cute?

Maybe it’s because his dumbassery led to the infamous Cuddling in the Carriage scene.

Or maybe everyone’s problem is not just Bruce himself, but the fact that his performance had such a major influence on Watsons everywhere for literal decades. In the 1950s Sherlock Holmes TV show, Marion-Crawford’s Watson clearly borrows a lot from Bruce in terms of turning the comedy relief aspect up to eleven. (I would argue Marion-Crawford is actually worse in this regard.) Dr. Dawson in The Great Mouse Detective physically resembles Bruce, as does Ric Spiegal in those Wishbone episodes, even though both of them were supposed to be adapting books and shouldn’t have had anything to do with the Rathbone/Bruce films. I guess some folks got resentful that Bruce Watson was overshadowing Canon Watson?

But it’s important to remember here that Nigel Bruce was one of the first film Watsons with any discernible personality traits. If you’ve seen any of the Sherlock Holmes silent films, you know what I mean. If not, you haven’t heard of any of their Watsons for good reason.

To start with, Watson doesn’t even appear in 1900’s Sherlock Holmes Baffled (which is only a minute long) or in 1912’s The Copper Beeches (which is so ridiculous that I may have to give it its own post). Then came Hubert Willis in the Eille Norwood series of early ‘20s shorts. They’re rather hyper-focused on the casework here, so no one gets any characterization (at least not in the two I’ve seen). And Roland Young in 1922’s Sherlock Holmes was onscreen for maybe 10 minutes and did almost nothing. I didn’t even remember he was in the dang movie until I recently rewatched it for Sink or Ship.

This is his only conversation with Holmes in like the whole movie. So much for being intimate companions.

And I’m sure there are other examples. So even if you don’t necessarily like what Bruce did (and/or was told to do) with the character, he some deserves respect for effort and originality. I also think it’s a little unfair that people keep dinging him for not being A+ perfect at doing something no one else (with the possible exception of Ian Fleming in the Wontner films) had ever tried before, i.e. making Screen Watson interesting. Dude didn’t become The Watson for no reason, after all.

To conclude this post, we can return to my Batman analogy. I feel like modern public attitude towards Nigel Bruce is comparable to how some people get all upset about Adam West because that’s not the real Batman! The real Batman is grim and gritty and for ADULTS, not some Batusi-dancing weirdo! No joke: the first time I went to a comic book shop, the guy who worked there said that Adam West—my first Batman, the guy who got me into superheroes and therefore the main reason I was in that shop in the first place—wasn’t a real Batman.

Needless to say, I have little use for snobbery in any fandom. So I am going to say now about Nigel Bruce what I should have said then about Adam West: if you don’t like the goofy version, don’t watch the goofy version. There are literally hundreds of versions of this character out there; not every single one is going to cater to your tastes, nor should they. This fact should not detract from your enjoyment of the versions you do like, and it doesn’t make the versions you dislike less legit. The old has at least as much basis in canon as the new, and even if it’s parts of canon you’d rather ignore, other people feel differently, so don’t be a jerkweed about it.

But before you make up your mind about Nigel Bruce, maybe take a sec and give him another chance. “Stupid Watson” is a reductive label that focuses only on the worst the Rathbone films had to offer and does not give due credit to a genuinely groundbreaking character with more depth than I’ve ever seen anyone acknowledge. Do some of the movies portray him better than others? Sure, but you can say that of every episodic Sherlock Holmes adaptation. For the most part, it’s not nearly as bad as people seem to think. And even when it is that bad, it’s still a combination of canon compliance and original character development that was entirely unique at the time and that deserves to be looked upon with, if nothing else, gratitude for paving the way for interesting Watsons everywhere.

#rathbone holmes #media analysis #omg it's finally done #i admit maybe nostalgia is coloring my thinking a little #but dangit i love nigel bruce i will defend him forever

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